#thoughts abt which 'flaws' are forgiveable too...

[rollercoasterwords]

also if ur stance is "yeah i want the characters to be well-rounded and have flaws....but like nice little flaws that are easily forgivable and do nothing to challenge my own worldview and moral convictions...." that's. i mean that's a stance u can take. u can definitely take that stance. it's like the most boring stance in the world but u can have it....

[schrodingersbabe]

9 and 22 for milgram and 16 in general for the violence ask game

9. worst part of canon the fact that they only cover deco27 songs breaks my heart even if it makes sense… </3 also i think some characters are written much more clearly than some which is interesting in a writing standpoint but it feels a little unfair for smthing like milgram where you’re supposed to vote on their forgiveness ykwim? honestly though again not necessarily smthing i could call BAD just... annoying

22. ur favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores i think we should all appreciate yuno for her flaws and just character in general like… everyone takes her crime as a reason to just completely ignore her as a character and not give any thought to her. like i get if ur gonna fully forgive her bc fair me too but at the same time u shouldnt just be like ugh she shouldnt even be in milgram… therefore idc abt her

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc) i think like fanfiction tropes like coffee shop au or “theres only one bed” or whatever are overrated. like i get it if its good or if its art but when ppl r like oh my fave fic trope is a coffee shop au im like how r u reading THAT much abt coffee shops….

[marcysmaltedcrayon]

Random thoughts abt Tmnt 2012 April lol

I dont rlly feel a passionate hatred towards 2012 April, it's more that I'm just disapointed by a lot of the choices which the writers made (mainly sexualising her and making her kind of a mary sue with very little personality), but I don't view her as being a morally bad character. Also it's very important to remember that ALL of the characters had elements of bad writing (not that they were all badly written, but everything has it's flaws) and it is unfair to hate April mercilessly without atleast critisizing the writing in regard to the rest of the show and characters too.

Honestly, Donnie was more creepy in the relationship between him and April, he literally stalked her at some points. And while I do understand that a part of the reason why the fandom is more willimg to forgive (or not acknowkledge) his actions is because he has a more defined/relatable personality which gives viewers more of a reason to sympathise with and defend him, misogyny does also have an impact some parts of the fandom's reasoning in regards to vilifying April but not Donnie. Yes, the whole “your my mutant thing” was very very wrong of her, but it does not make her an irredemable monster. By that logic many other characters would also be just as bad as her, if not worse. 

this isn't an analysis or anything, it's just my random thoughts lol

[bdoidoi7]

you were one of my best friends and you left me because me talking abt my issues so much and shit and other shit made u uncomfortable which i get it but i wish things ended differently. so many people left me in so little time i got whiplash so forgive me if im out of it. its like a fever dream. the people i used to talk to almost everyday stopped talking to me in less than a day. it still makes me go ??? bcus i made mistakes and they left me. i didnt realise i was on a counter. im so angry and upset and so sad. im like lowkey on the edge because of it. im more suicidal bcus of it. im so angry because of it. im just so. its something painful i guess. bcus its not just one person but a group of people i thought were my friends. some closer than others. i thought maybe theyd accept me even w all my flaws. i was wrong. so like yea. im just upset thinking about it. it hurts a lot and i doubt ill ever get over it. moving on or moving forward hurts and it hurts bcus its like. i was in my most vulnerable and in pain. everyday. and people took me as normal when i wasnt. and they just. left me. whatever. i wanna say i dont care but i do. so much. too much. i wish i could just forget

[stardustizuku]

Hi, I just finished reading your MBL Magical Girl analyis and wow, it was great. PTT is really the only magical girl anime I've seen, but you were so articulate and your passion for the genre makes me want to watch more of them. I could spend hours reading your thoughts, they were so well-presented and I'm just drooling over your writeup right now. I was curious if you you have watched/have any opinions on the redemption that happens at the end of Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure? I thought it was really badly handled because of characterization, motive, etc, but that it COULD have worked with better writing. Thanks for your time!

Unfortunately, I have not.

I did watch the first few episodes, but I was not that interested in it. I do follow some people who like it, but from what I've gathered - the redemptions were extremely rushed. Not that I'm surprised, but from the few episodes I saw, Rapunzel came off as a bit of an overbearing person whose fatal flaw is how she wants everyone to like her/love her.

It'd make sense for her to just forgive anyone if that means having less enemies - which makes sense when you consider her abusive upbringing and how Mother Gothel would make her love only "accessible" if Rapunzel pleased her - aka liked her.

It seems like because of this Rapunzel has been made into someone too trusting, too forgiving, all for the sake of being liked and not denied the small safety net she's created.

However, if neither the show nor other characters call it out, that's where we have a problem. I adore redemption arcs, but we have to address the elephant in the room that is "not everyone deserves a redemption" or better yet "you don't owe anyone a redemption".

Little girls, the primary audience of these shows, are being taught to do the emotional labour of forgiving the people who hurt them. I'm not particularly mad when it's girls forgiving girls - because I think it serves us form communities and heal from the patriarchy.

"I'm sorry I made fun of your weight, I was taught to that my beauty means everything, so I lashed out when I saw how confident you could be and how my worth is beyond that" is more about healing and becoming a better than person than anything else.

BUT when it's girls having to forgive men who've hurt them...I'm less inclined to agree. And while I'm aware the person I'm thinking abt is a kid, I've suffered enough harassment from "kids" or well, "teenagers" to know it's not a justification.

I am pretty sure I would have strong opinions abt it if I were to watch it, but unfortunately, I do not watch things I know I won't like, or at least not enjoy the hillside of a ride I'm about to embark in.

[billfarrah]

the lyrics "this is holy, holy" playing over their love scene. aaAAAhhhHH so weak for that kinda thing

simon covering up for sara yet AGAIN with their mom over the whole august thing 😭 I think he's going to forgive her and get over it pretty fast with what he told wille about not wanting august to destroy families

I was really upset abt wille/felice but I'm mostly over it. It is what it is.

I kinda wish there had been more stakes with Marcus? Don't get me wrong, it was funny how Simon was Not really into him, and they had no chemistry whatsoever, but like... what if they did? What if Simon had actually liked him y'know??

I can't stop thinking about the scene where Wille shows up at Simon's house and tells him he would abdicate for him. For them. It's everything, my favorite scene from the season.

Wille puking when he realizes any chance of leaving his role in life behind is gone!!!!!! 😭

* I love that they used another Elias song and that they used it during a love scene. I had been hoping for the use of Revolution during a sex scene but tbh this was even better

* I don’t think he’s gonna forgive her fast and I don’t want him to. What Sara did was beyond fucked up and I want her to have a good, juicy redemption arc, Simon forgiving her right away totally removes all stakes

* I was upset about Wille/Felice too at first but now that I completely understand the thought process behind it and the message that Lisa was trying to convey as she explained in her live (sometimes you try stuff with friends and it doesn’t work and that doesn’t mean it has to totally ruin your friendship) and I absolutely love their classroom conversation and how Felice called Wille out and wille acknowledged his shitty behaviour. I love that it resolved quickly and their friendship recovered. I love how clear it was that Wille was not using Felice to see if he liked girls or not, because that wasn’t the point - he wanted to see it what he felt with Simon could be replicated with someone else and who better than a close friend like Felice, and this just proved to him that no, I can’t feel this way for anyone else, Simon is it for me, and despite that realization, he still decides to let Simon go. I love the på bordet scene and I love Wille yelling at everyone about how stupid and invasive this tradition is. I love how Simon’s face falls as he realizes wille kissed someone else. I love that it lead to petty, jealous Simon; that was a gift. I also love that Simon never took out his jealousy on Felice or directed it towards her. So as much as I hated watching them kiss - it was yucky - I liked what it caused in the story. It basically sets in motion the switch from Wille chasing Simon to the other way around, which was much needed.

* I disagree about Marcus. There were many angles they could have used for this “love triangle” and this is the one they chose; I think it worked brilliantly. Because the point was never about who Simon was going to choose, and ultimately it didn’t matter if Simon really liked Marcus or not; he’s batshit crazy in love with Wille and nothing was gonna change that. The point with Marcus was that the easier option is not always the best or right option. Like yeah, Marcus likes him openly and there’s less drama and it’s chill, but he’s flawed in his own ways. He’s pushy and manipulative and he doesn’t set Simon’s soul on fire like Wille does. Wille makes Simon creative and passionate and a better person; Marcus just made him feel small. The ultimate question was what was Simon willing to sacrifice for love; his priorities needed to be examined and Marcus existed to give him that push, as Lisa said, and Simon ultimately decided fuck it, nothing is certain in life, I just wanna be with Wille. Simon was far too in love with Wille for Marcus to ever have a chance, so I’m honestly glad Simon didn’t feel anything for him.

* Yes, the scene outside Simon’s house is everything, I LOVE that Rosh and Ayub were there. Wille was so brave to speak his truth in front of them, when we know how scared he is of public speaking. He made that risk for Simon. I also love that he kept his distance and literally gave Simon space, and didn’t try to touch him or sway him with anything other than his honest words. “You have to do what’s best for you, Simon.” Things are no longer just on Wille’s terms, as Simon expressed last season. It’s poetic.

* Edvin killer that scene; I genuinely believed he was throwing up, it was so realistic. His performance this season was god-like.

[stirringwinds]

hey! i adore ur work sm, hetalia is not my thing, but the intellectual concept of personified nations is striking and fascinating to me. your writing really is incredible and transient! :) forgive me if the ask is too general/boring, but how do you personally feel abt alfred? i def don't support our current govt, but as a character, i can't help but identify and feel very attached to him. what's your approach/opinion?

hey anon, thanks for the question & i know the entire election period has been very stressful for everyone. this sparked a lot of thoughts, which are a bit unpolished, but i hope they make sense. personally for me, alfred is first and foremost the nation, not the state (government/political institutions)—this is how i see all the other hetalia characters. i prefer not to get embroiled in arguments about how ‘modern’ nationalism really is, but if we take the definition that ‘nations are imagined communities’ as starting point—this is closer to the idea of hetalia characters = their people rather than simply hetalia characters = the state/government. 

on one hand, we need to acknowledge some interchange between “people” and “govt” in reality: governments can shape a people’s idea of the nation, and people do shape the state/government (with varying degrees; not all nation-states have free and fair elections). however, on the other hand—although we live in a world of so-called nation-states, nation and state/government are distinct concepts. even original hetalia with all its weird crack and flaws suggests that the personifications =/= internationally-recognised independent states—i.e hk and macau being personified. it hints at personifications being rooted in something much less officially codified than formal political institutions or international recognition. 

the way i see it, hetalia characters may at times be associated with certain political institutions/ideas, but that still doesn’t = them being the state or uncritically agreeing with whatever entity is in power. by that i’m thinking of the way the canon strips depict the hetalia nations fighting in uniform throughout history—clearly they can be political and have certain associations. at the same time, in the american revolutionary war strips, alfred is shown to be a rebel— not a loyalist (even tho there were a sizeable number of them at first) and definitely not simply some kind of “”neutral”” personification waiting for humans to make decisions. the fact that the personifications endure (rather than being replaced) even as governments come and go also says something. overall—the characters seem intended to represent something more fluid than formal political institutions—something about the power of ideas of culture, history, identity and belonging brought to life—and these are beliefs that any ordinary person can hold or reflect on. hetalia is personal in these ways. so i think with all that^ in mind, that’s why many people who are extremely critical of the u.s govt generally (and who did everything they could to vote the current dipshit in power out) are, like you, understandably attached to alfred himself as a character.

my approach/thoughts regarding alfred: for me personally, alfred is pretty human in that he’s not a perfect person, much like all the other hetalia nations. to me this is a strength & good way hetalia differs from those romanticised & whitewashed personifications of nations as classical goddesses (’britannia’ or ‘columbia’ etc). my perspective is that i’m someone who’s not american, but for whom british imperial history is personal—and the american revolutionary war & the role the independent u.s played in the affecting the power balance and politics of the british empire (both before and after decolonisation) is an inseparable part of that. for me, alfred’s an opportunity to explore all kinds of things: the diverse sub-national and global histories that concern america.

to explain further—because i have family in countries that still host military bases with thousands of american soldiers, the idea of ‘alfred/america’ to me will always be intertwined with themes of power and empire (how america eclipsed and eventually even stepped into the shoes of the british empire in the post-1945 world) & the impact of american idealism (both the good and bad) & foreign policy. as a woman of colour, however, i’m not interested in reinforcing interpretations of history that certain people (such as the shitheaps in the current outgoing administration) have tried to promote, such as their ‘1776 commissions for patriotic education’, or that whitewashes & fails to acknowledge the experiences of all the diverse groups of people that contributed to shaping american history. exactly ‘what’ a nation is (and whether it even exists), is of course something that people debate vigorously about in real life. although i know folks who don’t like hetalia have said the concept uncritically reinforces simplistic nationalist narratives— i don’t think that has to be the case. i think hetalia can be a really good vehicle for us to explore & acknowledge that historical complexity and ambiguity rather than running from it.

so, i see alfred fundamentally being diverse (despite how dominant narratives have liked to simplify who ‘founded’ or ‘made’ america what it is; i don’t believe there’s a single nation that is ethnically monolithic either to begin with). alfred is full of contradictions & of course has his own demons—which is something i see all the other hetalia personifications struggling with. because of my background in british imperial history, a lot of my headcanons are interested in conceptualising 🇺🇸🇨🇦🇦🇺🇦🇺as siblings (that’s why i headcanon arthur asserting himself as their ‘father’—in reality he is not their only “parent”, of course). this is from the perspective of how all of them have diverse heritages & to deconstruct the way british imperial propaganda liked to rosily depict the us + commonwealth’s r/ship with london. so it’s like; 🇺🇸🇨🇦🇦🇺🇦🇺are connected yes, but ‘family’ in hetalia terms =/= nations being good parents. it is still very WIP, but basically i feel there’s a lot of room to explore how 🇺🇸🇨🇦🇦🇺🇦🇺 differently navigate the complex, distinct and often painful legacies they bear because of the political & english cultural dominance enacted by the british empire, which is something i’m interested in bc my family is also of mixed background (how do you understand your family’s history when it doesn’t fit into one box on a form?) & experienced that kind of pressure to assimilate into englishness/britishness.

this post is getting v. long, so i will end off soon— but to give a simple example—even though i do depict alfred as at times embodying power (particularly on the global scale re. other hetalia characters), i personally don’t want to rehash those american stereotypes where his power to do what he wants (from the 19th century onwards) leads to him being incredibly ignorant or monolingual. rather, i like to think he is really intelligent, curious about the world and a polyglot (this is also the part where i admit i am transposing my real-life american friends’ multilingual-ness into hetalia). he can be really stubborn and insistent that he’s right, yes, but he’s not an ignorant person overall & is comfortable in a lot of cosmopolitan settings. i headcanon that he speaks english & croatoan/carolina algonquian as a child & also spanish (i’m thinking of the proximity to mexico and cuba) before picking up many other languages in the centuries to come.  

[theseerasures]

YOu have a lot of interesting thoughts abt Winter what dyou think will happen with her this season?? Iknow you already said she won't die but. other stuff?? What do you think of the idea that she defects to salem

y’know, anon: i was actually gonna write something to this tune unprompted before the hiatus ended? i didn’t, because when it’s inevitably revealed that i was wrong about Everything and the village children throw their eggs and laugh i didn’t want to give them any more receipts, but now that someone has asked i might as well

quick disclaimer before i start! these are subjective speculations about a character who has thus far been--particularly in 8.1--sparsely and ambivalently characterized, on purpose. i am spinning from the same subtext as anyone else, and if i am reading it differently, then all that means that i am reading it differently. Mr. Teeth is not sending me secret data. i am not the Steve Kornacki of RWBY Defections, as hilarious as it is to imagine someone like that existing.

okay? okay. below are some ideas and theories about where Winter could be going this season

The Defection (no not that one yet)

yeah, i’m still an “AceOps defect as a team” truther. this one actually has the least to do with Winter, and most to do with story economy. and the story of the AceOps is this: under Clover they were “the perfect team”--efficient, powerful, professional, and the perfect emblem of Atlesian values. law and order above all else. the mission matters more than the team. don’t get attached.

Clover’s absence from the team begins in late season 7, which means all that shiny varnish is stripped from Atlas at the same time it’s stripped from the AceOps. it turns out that the law isn’t always right, it turns out it’s super easy to turn “the needs of the many” into “the needs of the few who have many,” and it turns out once you go even a single inch past their facade the “best Huntsmen in Atlas” are conflicted, directionless, and squabble like children. they have a better showing against Penny this season, but their continued dynamic shows that fault lines--particularly between Marrow and Harriet--are reaching crisis. The AceOps model is unsustainable, in the same way that all of Atlas is ultimately unsustainable.

then Ironwood puts Winter in charge, and at first i did think: well, this is probably just to accelerate the inevitable fallout. they are, by their own testimony, emotional strangers to each other, and now some of them disagree on ideological grounds to the point where they can barely stand to be in the same room; slapping an abrasive volatile live wire on top of all that is pouring gasoline on Rome while Rome burns.

but the revelation of Renvision was that they’ve been lying--about HAVING feelings, but also about their feelings with and about each other. moreover: Winter’s own emotions mirror theirs. they’re speaking, in whatever horrifically repressed way, a similar language.

i’m not going to discount the possibility that this kind of ice-water-in-the-face moment might not be enough for some of them; one thing i’ve always respected about RWBY is its unwillingness to flinch away from the idea that sometimes it IS too late for people. but when it comes down to the AceOps, i think the operating question isn’t “will they pick JOYR over setting off the bomb,” because they’re not ready to make that kind of decision together as a team yet. no, the operating question is: if it comes down to one of them, or setting off the bomb, what will they choose?

Clover would set off the bomb, without hesitation or remorse. the mission and protocol HAVE to come first, and in this case there’s a compelling argument that it’s the right call. the team under Clover would have followed suit. the team without Clover would have likely done the same.

the team under Winter...

well, the thing about Winter is that she’s NOT Clover. not a perfect soldier, but--let’s stick with “not a perfect soldier.” she cannot lead in the same way Clover did, with that infuriating mixture of self-assurance and personal charisma, but i don’t think she thinks of herself as any less in command, which means that for the time being, the AceOps are her team. i can’t be certain what Winter would choose in this situation--whether her personal feelings can win out against years of consequentialist thinking--but i do feel fairly confident in saying that she’d be more willing to sacrifice HERSELF in order to choose both.

and in this crucial moment where the AceOps are forced to re-evaluate how they feel about each other, and the team, that might count for something.

so tl;dr #1: the AceOps find a team identity separate from the Atlesian structure. whether they defect to the RIGHT people, or survive defection, and whether Winter counts narratively as one of the AceOps by that point, i’m less sure about, but a cursory stab in the dark would be: yes, not all of them, and no.

The Return

how much do the writers care about the Winter-Ironwood dynamic? probably less than i do, but i also care more than any human should be permitted to under the law, especially since people have moved onto speculating about all the hot NEW abusers she could have in her life. whatever--it is something that needs closure, and i think the writers know that. my preference is still that they confront each other in person, at Atlas Academy (Qrow having fucked off via either healthy decision making or force). if this does happen, i don’t think there’s any chance that both of them will make it out alive; Winter would ONLY confront Ironwood if she’s forced to--either by him or other forces--and both of them are too rigid with themselves and with each other to offer any kind of give, or forgiveness.

that’s what i’d prefer, but it no longer seems the most likely option; Winter clearly has no plans to make it back, and the queue for “people who want to slug it out with DILF Jimmy” just keeps getting longer. it’s possible that they’ll end on the same personal-impersonal teeter-totter which they’ve always resided, where they’re just voices in each other’s earpieces, and she’s giving him a report, and he is issuing her orders.

there’s a way to make that meaningful, though: Winter HAS just disobeyed an explicit order--the first she’s done when she fully had the capacity to carry it out. her own treasons are piling up, and it’s a secret that he should know, for plot and character reasons. the obvious choice among the AceOps to tattle is Harriet, but i also think there’s a nonzero chance that, if asked, Winter herself will tell him. for all her flaws, i do think Winter is capable of owning up to her decisions (it’d make a nice parallel with Yang telling Ironwood about what she and Blake did during Gravity, but that’s neither here nor there), but even more importantly...i think she’d tell him because she wants to be reassured. that she did the right thing, but also that they’re still on the same page, and that he’s still the same person he always was, with her.

he won’t reassure her, of course. especially after he finds out that she disobeyed him for Ozpin. she’ll have no one left.

tl;dr #2: Winter and Ironwood have to reach some kind of End by the finale. whether it’s with a bang or a whimper i’m again less certain of, but if it DOES end with a bang one of them will die, and it’s going to be Ironwood.

Winter Alone

i, like many others, assumed going into the season that Winter’s core dilemma would be something like “her family or her family,” meaning: her sisters or her (adoptive) father. but i think as far as the show’s concerned that conflict was resolved when she let them go in The Enemy of Trust, and it’s not worth re-litigating. since the season started she’s just missed Weiss and/or Penny TWICE by narrative contrivance--during the Amity heist, and the abortive recovery mission--and she’s been sent away from Ironwood. it’s increasingly looking to me like Winter and Weiss will not talk to each other at ALL this season (do they have Scroll reception in the whale? i guess they must if Watts talked to Tyrian), or at most will only catch a tantalizing glimpse of each other before being whisked away again. all of this points to the issue not being “whose side will Winter choose,” but “what kind of person IS Winter, when she doesn’t have anyone else’s ideology to fall back upon?”

which is very exciting to me! the What You Are in the Dark trope is an obvious staple, but i’m especially a sucker for it when it happens to characters like Winter, who lucked out in the sense that their more selfish motivations (protecting herself from Dad) have never quite conflicted with doing Good (protecting other people). the cognitive dissonance for that with Winter has already been played up to the max, so for it to come to a crisis for her, at a point when EVERYONE WHOSE OPINION SHE CARES ABOUT HAS ALREADY FUCKED OFF, is just great drama. it’s made all the better by the fact that RWBY specifically has a lot of villains whose backstories involve them being put in a similar situation, and choosing wrong: Adam chose spite. Raven chose cowardice. getting to see someone make that choice in the story proper, then, adds to and complicates what RWBY has to say the conditions of possibility for heroism and villainy.

furthermore, and this might be where my biases become delusions: that Winter is being maneuvered to make these decisions for herself, BY herself, points to the possibility that she might be graduating from a mostly region-locked character (Ilia, the Belladonnas, Beacon staff and students) to full-on supporting cast (TRQ, Maria, the villains). if Weiss and/or Penny reach out to Winter in a climactic confrontation this season, then the story isn’t NOT about Winter, but it would place more emphasis on Weiss and/or Penny, as main cast members, and their ability to save a person they love. but if their relationships are given more space and time for breathe (or fester!)--if Winter gets to change away from Weiss in the way that Weiss changed and grew away from Winter in Mistral, for example--then it points to a greater parity in terms of their mutual importance in the story.

tl;dr #3: Schneester Bowl might have to wait at least another season, because Winter’s too busy trying out independent thinking. now, whether Winter will make the RIGHT choice, or the story will LET her make that call after she’s decided...

2Defect2Salem

i actually touched on this before, so tl;dr #4.1: i do not find the ways that people talk about HOW Salem gets Winter to defect to be very convincing. the idea that Salem could easily manipulate Winter because they have similar backstories makes me...tilt my head, but i think that’s more due to my personal belief that people who are similar in those ways actually tend to be each other’s blind spots (i also think this about Blake and Winter, FWIW). more to the point: my personal reading of Winter locates a streak buried deep within that is unyieldingly CATEGORICAL. despite being embedded within Atlesian rationality, despite her mentor being James Ironwood, there is something in Winter that instinctively judges an immediate instance to be right or wrong, and she’s never been able to suppress that all the way.

and with that in mind, i genuinely don’t think Winter is enough of a long-term, big picture thinker to give herself over to despair for Atlas as a whole. oh, we see her parrot “for the good of all, not just a few” just fine, but if she was already having trouble internalizing that when it was coming from IRONWOOD, a man she loves and trusts, then why would Salem--a person she is predisposed to distrust--be better at convincing her that the ends justify the means? why would she believe that submission is preferable to extinction from someone that EVERYONE SHE KNOWS considers an enemy? it’s hard for me to conceive of a Winter who, perched at the lip of the despair event horizon, will a) think enough of herself to make a decision for everyone and b) accept that the decision is imperfect and compromise, when she could just do what soldiers do, what she’s been asked to do, and die for an impossible cause.

(also not to belabor the point, but: ...how is she supposed to deliver Atlas to Salem? are we assuming that the Atlas Military works via Klingon Promotion, or that Ironwood gave her all his passwords?)

this is not to say that i think Winter will completely no-sell Salem (though that would be VERY funny). assuming that she and Salem do end up in the same room (which is still up in the air), i can easily picture a scenario where Salem manipulates Winter into making a bad decision (though honestly, Winter’s been doing just fine with that all on her own), but the distance between “a bad decision” and “a decision that she knows will help the Big Bad” is still quite far. i can similarly picture a scenario where Salem gradually sways Winter--not a single Anakin-style dramatic reversal, but an Atris-style descent-by-inches, through a million little non-choices--but that’s the thing: manipulation takes TIME, no matter how good at it you are, and we’re running up against the fact that the season ends in 6 episodes, and Winter is only one of about a trillion dangling threads.

tl;dr #4.2: the only way i can see Winter defecting to Salem THIS SEASON, then, is if it’s not her choice at all. for me, this makes the most thematic sense--that she’s been playing keep-away so long with her own agency, and Salem ends up resolving the issue by taking it away from her completely. that she wants so much to be sure she’s making the right choice, or to not have to make the call, and Salem gives her exactly what she wants. she’ll never have to think for herself again. we know Salem is capable of something like that, because we’ve just seen the Hound. Winter won’t be another Hound, if only because churning out the same horror will only yield diminishing returns, but she might be...something else.

regardless, tl;dr #4.3: if “Winter defecting to Salem” shakes down in any way--either as originally posited or as i just described--it would be an FANTASTIC story and character engine. i’ve already talked about the potential conflict this could create within Team RWBY, but like...imagine Weiss talking to ANYONE about her sister. imagine Weiss talking to Emerald, who would have just joined the heroes, whose decision to cut herself off from Cinder would feel like a portent. imagine Winter with the villains! not just Salem, but Cinder! imagine the subtextual parallels between the two becoming TEXT. imagine the two of them having to work together! imagine how Cinder would feel to lose Emerald and get Winter. imagine how Mercury would feel! can you imagine Winter and Mercury bonding over their daddy issues?? because i can’t! but i wanna. my love for Winter isn’t contingent on her making the right choices, but on her getting the right material. this would not only be the right material, but A LOT OF IT, and if the writers do choose to go in this direction, i trust them enough to be excited about where it might go.

[lipstickbisous]

the lion and her sun. (4)

LOST LANNISTER PRINCESS

notes: so far, every chapter has ended with aurane rejecting oberyn sooo. and yeah some facts abt this might wrong but hey..

we gon pretend like dahlia’s exist in this universe. 

and the dress she wears during her walk is très similar to the pink one shae wears in ‘the lion and the rose’. this is for lack of a better picture. (except the dress is orange)

i wrote this while watching the prisoner of azkaban. 

none of that matters, but it’s important to me that you know that.

- john mulaney.

ALSO updates might be a little slower now, we’re having HUGE wifi problems at our house but i will definitely keep writing!

pairing: oberyn x oc!reader

summary: on her last day before the married life, aurane’s emotions start to change.

word count: 6.5k

masterlist

the week was coming to an end, much to aurane’s dismay. for the past three days, she had much to think about and do. her walk with oberyn had thoughts racing around in her head when she had gone to sleep that night. even resting naked against the silk sheets, her pillow pressed to her face with her sprawled out behind her head and her eyes gently shut, memories of the gardens and the prince were floating about, refusing aurane’s begs to go so she could ease into unconsciousness.

when her father had spoken of the sudden and upsetting news to aurane, cersei had spoken of how the dornish would be obligated to use the youngers lannister anyway they wanted. 

“they’ll humiliate her, torture her,” aurane’s dear sister spoke. “you’re going to send her off to her death. a lamb for slaughter.”

now, as aurane watched the sun rise with the silk sheets pulled up to cover her bare breasts, she wondered if her sister, cersei lannister, who had never been wrong about anything, had seriously misjudged the martell family. the princess hadn’t been in the city to meet the common people yet and she hoped that they would be exactly like the royals of sunspear. 

she could hear the bustling of early-rising maidens attending to their chores outside of her door. the child inside of aurane couldn’t wait to see what breakfast she would be brought this morning. 

it must’ve been hours since she had risen from her sleep because the sun now sat in its throne in the sky and there was a knock on the door. “i have your breakfast, your grace.” a sweet voice spoke but the unfamiliar accent made it hard to decipher. 

“come in,” aurane spoke, pulling up two of her pillows against the headboard of her bed and leaning her back towards them. it might’ve been the way she had slept but there was ache throughout her spine. the girl who walked in could’ve been no older than aurane. her hair was curly and frizzy and her skin a light brown. her lips were perfectly shaped and her nose curved into a more rounded one. the girl set down the tray of food at the table near aurane’s window, but before she could set out the plate, cutlery, and goblet, aurane spoke. “forgive me, but i don’t think you’ve ever served me before.”

the girl nodded and curtsied. “my name is dyanna,” she said.

“and where are you from,” aurane questioned before sitting back up and pushing herself off of the bed she’d found more comfortable than any other. along with her she took the silk sheets and held them against her chest so they covered her breasts, stomach, and ass. she sat at her table and smiled when seeing that breakfast that morning consisted of fresh bread, butter and jam, berries, and more orange juice. “dyanna.”

aurane’s interest in a someone of lower-class was unusual for any maiden to experience, even in dorne. “i’m from meereen, your grace.” before aurane could pop a grape into her mouth or slice off a thin piece of bread, she grinned.

“meereen?” she questioned, to which dyanna nodded. aurane set the grape down on her plate and sighed, the smile still lingering. “i’ve never met someone from essos.”

dyanna smiled with her hands held together. “no?” aurane shook her head before finishing half of her orange juice. in the past few days, it the only thing other than wine that aurane could drink. new flavors were being brought to her with every meal and the lannister princess couldn’t get enough. 

“no. my father always kept me in the red keep,” she divulged, smearing butter onto a slice of bread and jam on half of it. “tell me, dyanna of meereen,” aurane inquired before biting down on a small piece of bread. the crust was crunchy in her mouth and the jam, the sweetness of strawberries and sugar, contrasted the tecture. “if my knowledge of geography is correct, meereen is just on slaver’s bay.”

it was hesitant, but dyanna nodded silently in response. when aurane kept eating, popping a berry in her mouth between every other bite, she confessed, “i was born a slave and raised into it, your grace,” the princess sat back, leaving her loaf of bread on the plate along with the few berries left. her gaze softened, showing that she was listening, as her eyes focused on the sea. “i was sold to sunspear and sent to work for prince doran but he freed me.”

slavery had never been something that aurane had first-hand witnessed but her beliefs on it remained negative, unlike her sister and father, who couldn’t have cared less about those born lower than them. it was always a flaw that aurane had seen. “so, you’re a free woman,” aurane looked to the coffered ceiling and clutched her goblet of juice in her hand. “but you choose to work as a maiden?”

dyanna only shrugged, her posture remaining ideal. “what could i do?”

aurane laughed before sipping the rest of her drink and setting it down next to her half-full plate. “you could own a stand in the market. or work at one at least,” aurane sat back in her seat, mindlessly letting the sheets slip a bit, revealing the top of her breast. “collect enough money to buy your own place, or...” dyanna looked up in interest and aurane smirked. “purchase your own land.”

the maiden laughed and shook her head. aurane had then finished her breakfast and felt the breeze of the dornish mornings through the strands of her hair. “i’m fine here, your grace.” aurane kindly nodded as dyanna took the tray in her arms and sighed. before leaving the bedroom and closing the door, she piped up, “oh, your grace, forgive me. i forgot to mention it, but prince oberyn has told me to inform you that he would like another walk...before the wedding.”

dyanna then shut the door behind her before aurane could smile in silence. for the short time she’d been awake that morning, the princess hadn’t once thought anything about her marriage. dorne had entranced aurane and fabricated an entire sort of bliss in her mind.

there wasn’t much to do that day anyway. the wedding was already planned and she’d already worn the wedding dress to have it sized perfectly--during which aurane had been poked with needles twice but brush it off when the maiden apologized mercifully.

another stroll around the gardens, even if it was with the prince, didn’t sound so bad.

this time, aurane had worn an outfit less revealing than her last one. she’d spent an afternoon one day diving through her dresser and wardrobes to see what exactly oberyn had given her. most were two-piece outfits that aurane didn’t see herself comfortable with wearing just yet, but others were fine dresses made of soft and translucent linens. in the bottom drawers of her dresser were at least nine different pairs of...pants? aurane had never worn pants before. in casterly rock and king��s landing, women were always required to be clothed in robes down to their feet. the princess supposed that along with a new home came new opportunities.

well, that inner voice in her head spoke at she bit her bottom lip while holding a pair of trousers that were a dark shade of brown. there’s no point in not trying.

aurane stood with the pants in her hands, naked in her room--in all of her glory--and sighed before slipping her feet through the corresponding holes of the clothing. she pulled the pants up to her waist where it had felt comfortable and tied the two loose strings along the sides together the pants tightened around her stomach.

there was nothing much for aurane to say about them except for the fact that she entirely did not enjoy them. she looked to the mirror and noticed how they bagged around her thighs as she pinched the areas that left gaps between her skin and the material of the pants. aurane pulled them off as quickly as possible and pitched them into the woven basket she’d been given on her third day for dirty laundry. 

she began to dive into the wardrobe again before noticing the pale orange dress that had been hung directly in the center of her closet. the silk had nearly been invisible because when aurane slipped it onto her frame, she could see her legs and breasts through the fabric. it was then she remembered the prince’s sudden mention of undergarments and wraps that had been placed inside the dressers as well. the entire process of wearing a simple dress that fit perfectly took far too long for aurane then removed the clothing from her body, wrapped a cloth around her bust and backside, then placing the dress back on her frame. it hadn’t been too entirely hot that day, so the simple sheer fabric of the robe had been perfect against aurane’s skin.

by then, with the sun’s position in the sky, it had already been an hour before lunch and aurane’s stomach began to rumble with a yearning for the dornish food she’d grown so attached to over the past week. the princess placed a hand over her torso and sighed. she supposed it would be best to wait for oberyn to arrive just as he had the other day. 

almost half an hour flew, and aurane was still waiting. as of now, she sat in a chair by her window, quill, ink, and paper in her lap as she drew the outline of the great palm tree in front of her room. she hadn’t once looked down to see what her drawing would turn out to be; it was an art technique she had been taught in king’s landing. aurane had already finished several other drawings of whatever the view from her window brought and they sat by her feet on the floor. finally, after an illusion of hours, there was a knock on her door.

aurane hated to admit that she immediately jumped off of her chair and onto her feet, running to the door to see the prince. but when she opened the door, it was a large man, taller than any other she’d seen, with rich dark skin and a bald head. “captain?” she cocked an eyebrow.

the guard nodded. “prince oberyn waits for you outside of the west wing of the castle,” areo hotah was one of the most intimidating men that aurane had ever seen and she had been trained by ser gregor in her teenages years--of course, it was never something to mention to the martells.

aurane chewed the inside of her cheek nervously and blushed. “right, um,” she said, looking back to her room and shaking her head before letting out a small laugh that didn’t change the guards’ expressions at all. “well, i guess i’m going.” areo let her leave the room before closing her doors behind her. they then walked down the hallways of the dornish castle, aurane in front with several of her guards behind her. the seven then turned a corner and was brought to another door at the end of the hallway. aurane laughed sheepishly and turned to the captain.

“the west wing is that way, your grace,” he pointed behind the group, in the opposite direction of how they had been walking. as much as aurane wanted to roll her eyes--because why hadn’t he mentioned it before?--she smiled politely and turned on her heel to the west wing.

they trailed down staircases, strolled down through hallways that all began to look the same, and took sharp turns and corners. “if you don’t mind my asking,” aurane spoke with her eyes focused on any sign of where she was in the castle. “why is the prince not at the front entrance? or the gardens?”

areo laughed deeply, a sound that came straight from the depths of his chest. “the prince has special plans today, your grace.” over the last few days, aurane had been reassured that she would remain safe in dorne. but with the captain’s sudden statement, a fear washed over aurane again.

the princess truly had no idea what was in the west wing. the east held all of the royal’s bedrooms, the north had the guest rooms, and the south was for the maidens, chefs, and laborers of the castle. but the remaining had always remained a mystery until now.

“elia martell’s room used to be here, your grace,” the captain spoke again. aurane’s straightforward footsteps began to slow in pace as the realization sunk in. “it’s been abandoned since her death.” without stopping in her walk, aurane sighed. it was quiet again, with only the marching steps of the guards, the wooden ends of the spears against the floor, and loud thoughts in aurane’s head for her to hear. “prince oberyn is just this way, your grace.” areo pointed down a staircase to where there was a little wooden door with a lining of light around it. 

sickness began to overtake aurane’s body as she thought about the one specific princess who once habited this part of the castle. how aurane’s family had brutally slaughtered this princess and her children; how they sent her off as a peace treaty. aurane hadn’t noticed it, but she then stood directly in front of the door, staring at the knob. areo, from behind her, cleared his throat for it was a tight staircase and not all six of the guards, including him, could fit inside. she was knocked out of her thoughts and pushed the door open, the sudden sunlight burning her eyes from becoming used to the dim lighting of the castle. she mentally hissed and slapped a hand over her eyes before they met other brown ones.

“good morning, lion,” oberyn smiled. behind him were several more guards holding spears taller than them. the brightness of the sun didn’t seem to affect him at all as aurane gently squinted. “come, we’ll find shade.”

when aurane was by his side, he placed a gentle hand on her back, just as he did nights ago when she had silently rejected him. “and where exactly are we going this time?”

the prince chuckled. “well, you are to be a princess of dorne by tomorrow,” he smiled as they began to walk. it was then, when aurane could finally see in the light, that she noticed they were in a similar space as the docks. behind a large wall, extremely close to the ocean that aurane could almost feel it on her skin. “i figured you would want to meet the city.”

two of his guards stood by an alike door to that of what was located in the castle. it was old and smelled moldy like it hadn’t been used in a long time. aurane laughed. “a secret entrace?” she looked up to the prince with an arched eyebrow. “you really think dorne won’t like me that you had to take me to a secret entrance?”

oberyn shrugged. “i didn’t think you would want the attention.” the two guards swung the door open and aurane could instantly hear the bustling and yelling of the city of sunspear. she looked to oberyn, who stood only two inches taller than her, and sighed before ducking to fit inside the small door frame and entered the city.

it had almost been like magic because the wall had been so thick and strong it kept out all sound of a well-growing economy. as far as aurane could see, there were large structures and houses built all over the land. on the second floors of those buildings must’ve been the homes to thousands of dornish citizens because below them on the first floor were market and small shops and trading centers. it had been so similar to king’s landing yet sunspear reminded aurane nothing of home.

the prince was quiet for a few seconds because not one common person had noticed their presence. “do you like it?” he asked.

aurane smiled but oberyn hadn’t seen it. she slowly nodded as she whispered a, “yeah,” but soon caught herself in such a vulnerable state. “it’s not like i have much of a say whether i like it or not, do i?”

her sarcastic and audacious remarks had no effect on the prince anymore or, really, anyone of dorne. she hadn’t seen ellaria since she’d brought her lunch but even her maidens and servants didn’t seem bothered. it was like their pride could never be tainted. without saying anything in response, oberyn simply cocked his head and they began to walk again.

the soldiers followed a foot behind them but yet maintained a distance for a discussion or even a simple conversation to take place. at least three ladies had recognized the prince and gently curtsied before returning to their daily duties. oberyn must’ve noticed aurane’s confused state because he answered with, “everyone in dorne is treated equal. farmers and marketers are treated just how i am treated.”

even aurane had to admit that the system the people of sunspear followed was fair and nice. “they just...” she shook her head, her eyes trailing over anything to look at by the second. “they don’t look so surprised.”

oberyn shrugged. “i come for walks often,” his hands were holding each together behind his back but every part of him wanted to place just a soft, caring hold on aurane. “the guards are a requirement of my brother.”

why was he so kind? why, even after the slaughtering his family had gone through, the pain he’d felt in his life, was he so kind? even better, how could he be so sweet and patient and loving to those below him? it made a regurgitative feeling arise in aurane’s stomach and she could feel the contents of her breakfast reaching her throat before sighing and swallowing it back down, cringing in disgust. 

“you’re distressed, my sun,” the pet name, which aurane had secretly grown found of but would never admit, made her slightly cower. “what’s wrong?”

the prince’s eyes trailed over the variety of fruits and vegetables being sold by one vender as aurane chose her words carefully. “i fear i’ve been...disrespectful,” it was long overdue but oberyn was patient. “from the moment we arrived in dorne, you’ve been nothing but- but hospitable and welcoming. and i’ve been...vile. and rude,” he only nodded for her to continue, sensing she had a whole loads of words to speak. “perhaps it was my sister who drove this fear into me that i wouldn’t be accepted here.”

a kind smile between a vendor and oberyn was exchanged from his viewing of the products, but he listened intently to every word. “growing up, you were taught we were animals.”

aurane nodded and laughed incredulously. “savages,” she corrected him. such biased opinions had been written in the books she’d read as a child when learning about westeros. “and during the past week, i’ve found you’re nothing like the sort.”

the prince chuckled and smiled so that butterflies flew down aurane’s throat and into her stomach, where they would remain. “oh, really?”

her eyes watched as he turned to look at every sort of item being sold that day. suddenly, his kindness was a likable attribute to aurane and she blushed with a sly smirk. “if i’m telling the truth here,” he nodded. “you might even be better than those in king’s landing.”

“well, it’s not hard to be better than a lannister.” his remark wasn’t hateful or vengeful as oberyn smirked back and for a second, aurane had forgotten that there were guards behind her or merchants and traders and farmers all around. it felt like it was just the two of them enjoying them a quiet afternoon and a simple conversation. she quite liked it. “perhaps we should find lunch somewhere.”

aurane furrowed her eyebrows with a crooked smile before hesitantly laughing. “you mean,” she found no falter in the prince’s expression. “dining in a- a what, a restaurant?”

this seemed to take oberyn by surprise because, and it was the only time aurane could find him doing this that day, he laughed unsurely. the red viper was never unsure and even he himself couldn’t say what was happening. “well, yes,” his eyes began to scan over the many shops and restaurants in search of a meal. “that is what restaurants tend to do.”

such comment was not meant to be sarcastic or snarky or rude. it was a mindless thought that oberyn had just happened speak out. “i’ve never been in a restaurant,” aurane whispered and looked to the ground. would the owners of whatever eating house oberyn picked be peaceful with a lannister princess dining in their business. 

oberyn had heard her mumble but said nothing of it. there was a pit at the bottom of his stomach, it’d been there since his sister was murdered, and he hadn’t felt such sympathy in that pit from elia’s death until now, when aurane muscles grew tense because people were starting to look.

there were whispers. the worst kind of whispers; the kind where it seemed as if every person had something to say but it was impossible to make out. eyes were glued to the couple yet hands remained at their jobs. oberyn had never seen his city spark in such controversy. had aurane been right? would they treat her differently? he looked to the girl beside him and found that she was hearing the whispers too yet there was no stall in her walk. if someone had quickly glanced at her, she would glare back at them. her chin was raised high and oberyn, such as he had done with ellaria, felt compassion and admiration.

he gulped silently at the sudden change of heart in his city. as they began to walk further and further, growing deeper in sunspear, the whispers began to fade in and out. the rumored lannister princess was finally showing her face. “here, my sun,” he pointed to a small tavern with trays of produce and potted flowers in front of the windows. “i’ve been told you can handle the dornish spices.”

aurane blushed and nodded as the sudden mention of such topic caused her mind to flash to ellaria. she wanted to see the older lady again desperately and she wasn’t sure why. the entrace of the restaurant was not grand or heavenly or designed with a golden intricate design. it was a simple tavern with at least sixty plants hung and placed on the perimeter. it had been one large room and, for the time of day, strangely empty. aurane suspected that the prince had reserved it in secret but she wouldn’t comment on it. 

before either of them stepped foot into the tavern, oberyn placed a gentle hand on her forearm and pointed to one of the potted plants that held six white flowers with layers of small triangular petals. a few of the flowers had a pink hue to them but the white ones took aurane by interest.

“a dahlia,” the prince smiled, gently dragging his fingers over the petals. his eyes seemed entranced over the small plant. “you don’t see them very much.”

aurane smiled and turned to oberyn. “they grow rarely in king’s landing,” her words were sweet but there was something in oberyn’s gaze that seemed so reminiscent. he was longing for something. “what is it?”

he chewed the inside of his cheek and aurane turned to the guards standing protectively behind them. even they seemed aware of whatever oberyn had been feeling. “elia’s favorite flower,” his lips curled with a raspy voice before picking the flower from it’s stem and holding it between his two fingers. oberyn then looked to aurane, who was more understanding now, and wove the flower through her hair until it sat behind her ear. aurane could only smile.

―

the day was ending and the sun was starting to set. a large lunch had filled aurane’s stomach so there was no room for dinner. oberyn must’ve been the same because on their walk back to the castle, he, too, walked with heavy feet. the guard’s behind them didn’t stumble in their steps as the sunlight was fading. 

“i hoped you enjoy our walk today,” oberyn spoke, his hands behind his back as they strolled along the secret pathway. while exiting the city through the small door just as they had done earlier that day, aurane had been careful to crouch down so that her flower would stay woven in her hair. 

she nodded and listened to the waves because there wasn’t much else to here. the bustling of the city was muffled by the wall but aurane didn’t mind a little of bit of silence as the day ended. “i think i did,” the dahlia, which had at first felt strange when touching her temple was now softly brushing against her skin. “and i did enjoy lunch.” she turned to the prince.

“i don’t suppose you still want dinner?” he asked politely, looking down only two inches to her height. most of the woman oberyn had been with, apart from ellaria, could only reach his shoulder but the top of aurane’s head touched just below his nose. 

it was peaceful for him to watch her laugh so effortlessly and genuinely as the shore threatened to crash above the pathaway. they’d been inches away from the water but yet no sign of fear arose. “no, i think i’ve had my fill for the day.”

a nod in response before oberyn sighed, “join me in my chambers.” just as his voice normally did toward the end of the day, he sounded raspy and tired yet every part of him was awake while he looked at aurane.

was it an offer for a night of pleasure? the rumors of oberyn and his countless lovers had been spread all throughout westeros and he didn’t seem ashamed by them. aurane had no problem with bedding someone before she was married, she’d done it before, but she hadn’t thought that the prince would draw her close just for a fuck. the prince laughed and shook his head, noticing aurane’s train of thought. “i can promise you, lion, it’s not like that,” he chuckled out. aurane’s cheeks burned in embarrassment. “when was the last time you had a bath?”

they were now in the abandoned west wing that remained darker than the rest of the castle, but aurane didn’t find it unpleasant or frightening. oberyn could barely find the courage to walk around these quarters of the castle himself but aurane, who had lived with the family responsible of the death of the former inhabitant of sunspear, strolled so unbothered down those halls. it wasn’t because she had no care for elia martell’s death, if anything it was the opposite, but no--this was because aurane could swallow the lannister pride and respect the fact that her father slaughtered oberyn’s sister.

once they had arrived in the east wing, oberyn turned to his soldiers and cocked his head for them to leave him and aurane. because they had been under prince doran’s command, they each shared a glance of hesitation but one simple stern eye and a whispered “have my maidens fetch warm water for my room” and they continued to walk down the hallway, leaving the oncoming couple alone. “you wouldn’t oppose a bath, would you?”

aurane’s first experience of a bath in dorne had been lovely, mainly due to the spices and scents of the salts and soaps she combed through her hair. she sighed heavily, her chest rising with her breath before smiling, “no, i don’t think i would.” the rest of their walk was in sweet silence. the castle seemed to be asleep--the gardens were empty and the hallways barren of the normal maidens hurrying down to each room. aurane noticed that they walked past her room and she wondered just how close her and oberyn had been to each other this entire time. the floors, still a pristine polished marble, seemed to glimmer as the last of the sun could be seen in the sky. finally, they had arrived at oberyn’s door, which were exactly the same as aurane’s.

she chuckled and looked back down the hallway to where her doors stood and then back at the prince. “all this time and you’ve been down the hallway?” oberyn shrugged and opened the door for the princess. she bit on her tongue when she was instantly greeted with the overpowering aroma of citrus sugar. 

“don’t tell me you’re having second thoughts now?” the prince smirked and aurane showed no hesitation as she sauntered confidently into the room, soon slowing her steps. 

his room had been much bigger than hers, yet held the same amount of furniture and looked still so full. the bed was placed next to the equivalent wall that aurane’s bed was in her room. the windows were so close to the bed that it seemed to her morning’s must’ve been perfect because the sun could just simply leak in through the windows and darken the skin of whoever lied upon the bed. next to the opening of the room was a desk that held what looked like to be hundreds of crumpled papers and a quill and its ink. on the opposite side of his room was a large wooden tub that could hold multiple bodies and the simple thought of who had been in there before almost sickened aurane. the tub had been filled to the brim with warm water and on a small table beside it were various soaps and salts. 

it was sudden but the door had been closed and oberyn’s hands landed on aurane bare shoulders. she shuddered gently and he immediately removed his touch. “lion,” he spoke steadily and turned aurane to him.

they both turned so their backs faced each other and she could hear him unbuttoning his top. her fingers did their best to trail over the clip in the rear of her dress but fumbled over the soft fabric. she sighed and turned to the prince but found he’d already reversed back to her. his chest was completely bare as he was only dressed in his pants. he must’ve silently slipped his boots off because his feet were also bare against the marble. he cocked his head and pushed on her shoulder so she turned once again. his index and thumb found the clip so simply and undid it so the fabric feel loose against her body, but her hands flew to her chest to catch it from falling completely off. there a crumpling noise of leather dropping into a heap on the floor. water splashed apart and together until it was silent again. while keeping her back facing oberyn, aurane turned her head and met his eyes.

he sat against the side of the tub with his arms held up along the edge of the wood. “are you scared, lion?” he asked so sweetly yet remained so stern. 

the only thing that stood in the way of aurane standing as naked as the day she was born in front of the prince was her hands clutching onto the dress. “close your eyes.” she whispered. oberyn only sighed and rose a hand over his eyes, gently squeezing them shut for reassurance. the dress cascaded down to the floor with an inaudible sound. she stepped one foot in the water and the warmth instantly felt calming. once aurane stood completely in the tub, she began to sink to the bottom, where she sat with the surface of her bath reaching just above her breasts. 

“can i open?” the prince asked. 

aurane brought her knees to her chest and spoke aloud a, “yes.” her arms wrapped around her legs as oberyn rested his hand again and smiled. somehow, despite her cowering position, aurane felt more confident than ever with all of her body exposed. 

that sly smile spread over oberyn’s face again as twirled his finger for aurane to turn around. she did so and sat closer to him in between his legs. her breath almost hitched when she felt his length against her back but he didn’t act upon it. instead, he lathered his hands with a lemon-scented shampoo and combed it throughout the strands of aurane’s hair. it was a soothing feeling as his fingertips gently massaged her scalp and aurane could’ve fallen asleep right there. once her hair was completely covered in the suds, oberyn then cupped his hands into the water and poured it over her head, watching as the soap washed out fairly easily.

she chuckled. “how many girls have you given baths too?” she noted his expertise. it wasn’t every man who knew who to treat a woman’s hair--not in westeros. 

once her hair was completely cleaned and dripping and pushed it to the side of her neck so her back was bare. he placed a soft kiss against the top of her spine, “do you want to know?” and began to caress her arms with the bar of soap. aurane gently shook her head and smiled. for a month, she’d be tense and anxious for what her fate awaited for her. for the past week, while remaining in her room she’d grown closer and closer to that fate and could not see perfectly clear what it was. and if it really was this, she didn’t mind. a finger was suddenly brushed over a raw piece of skin on her arm and she shivered under the touch.

oberyn’s eyebrows furrowed in concern before sitting up and looking over the top of aurane’s arm. “lion,” he cooed, gazing at the ruined skin--a scar. “how did you acquire such a wound?”

the question was one that aurane didn’t have to answer often because it was only her family who had seen it and she’d never left the castle for anyone else to glimpse her scar. 

“fire,” she spoke as he continued to gently rub over the healed wound with one hand, and the other poured water over the soap on her body. the sun had now completely set and the stars were glimmering over the surface of the water. the moonlight had such an effect on aurane’s frame--there was a silver lining against her curves and edges and oberyn wanted nothing more than to cherish it. “casterly rock didn’t like how the last lannister child was a bastard, furthermore with a rumored dornishwoman. i had never seen the city until i was four namedays,” the prince remained quiet as another kiss was placed on her shoulder. “my father had been hesitant about letting me into the festivals. but my brother had begged. he said ‘she’ll never learn to be a good ruler if she can’t know her people’, so papa had my sister escort me along with four other guards.”

a kiss on her knuckles as he held her hand. “and?”

“i’d gotten lost along the way. i didn’t think it was possible for a city to hate a child so much but i’d been proven wrong.” underneath the water, aurane moved her hands in such delicate motions. “i was in alley or- something like that, i can’t remember. but there were two men there and a woman. they were sneering and laughing at the little lost lannister princess,” a kiss on her wrist. “one was holding a candle since the sun was setting for the festivities to begin, and as i was trying to walk away, they pressed the fire against my arm,” the memories were still there in aurane’s mind but they didn’t spark anger or vengeance in her. she had accepted it. “my sister then found me and my father had them hanged.”

oberyn chuckled and planted a firm kiss on her neck. the loving and affectionate actions hadn’t taken aurane by surprise. she knew of the prince’s ways and respects. “lannisters are dangerous people.”

he talked of her family as if she wasn’t a part of it. maybe she wasn’t--maybe aurane wasn’t a lannister like her father or siblings because her mother had been a dornishwoman and aurane had been born a bastard. “yes, they are.”

―

suddenly, all the peace and comfort aurane had felt during her first week in sunspear dissolved into dust and blown away in the cool evening breeze she loved to feel after the hot days of dorne. the last time she’d been pampered was her last day in king’s landing. her maidens had braided her hair and her sister had applied the sheer cover of make-up to her skin that wasn’t needed very much. during her week, aurane had dressed herself and brushed her own hair and washed her own body, but now, she sat in a chair in front of her mirror with several maidens surrounding her. one was twirling and brushing and braiding her hair, another was powdering her face, and the last was tying the loose strings in the back of aurane’s dress. 

why was she so nervous? the night before had been so simple--oberyn showed love and they’d bathed and because he was so understanding, she returned to her chambers where she slept for only two hours.

a maiden giggled. “it’s a wonder, your grace,” she admired. “i sleep only four hours through the night and i always wake up with darkness under my eyes.”

aurane smiled in response and nodded quietly. her dress was the usual white, but behind it was a golden tint in honor of the lannister house, although she knew that dorne wanted nothing to do with their enemies. she looked at her reflection and her mirror and liked what she saw, but despite her beauty and fairness, her fingers absentmindedly began to fiddle with each other.

she sighed fairly and the maidens looked to each other on what to say. the oldest one, who looked about aurane’s sister’s age, stumbled on her words before noting, “i hope you know you look heavenly, your grace,” she leaned down and tucked a strand of hair behind aurane’s ear. 

the princess smiled in response before the second maiden spoke, “very heavenly, indeed,” aurane looked back to her reflection and attempted to smile with pride but it came out slightly unhinged. “the prince is a good man. you’re marrying a very good man.”

a knock echoed through aurane’s room as she inhaled deeply, sticking out her chest. the first maiden went to the door and the two other followed suite. aurane did not turn to see who was at the door because she knew, by tradition, it could not be oberyn. 

“my lady,” a maiden curtsied before ellaria sand could brush her off.

the older woman bowed her head back and looked to aurane. the sound of her voice, so peaceful and loving and...maternal, piqued interest in the princess and she smiled at the sight of oberyn’s lover. ellaria wore a bright yellow linen dress with golden plating on her shoulders that were attached to more honey-colored pieces of fabric that cascaded down her arms and to the floor. she looked heavenly. “are you ready, lion?”

aurane’s gaze softened and her lips parted.

tags: @ohpedromypedro @zeldasayer @pascalpapi @absurdthirst @cyarikaaa @ithinkhesgaybutwesavedmufasa @pedropascalonline @pedropascalito @pedropascalitofics @honeychicanawrites @otherthingsinhead @wakalas @pedropascalispapi @heavenbarnes @qveenbvtch @foreverlostindreams @forever-rogue @arianawills @liadamerondjarin @pascalisthepunkest

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, SE02, Ep22

I was pleasantly surprised that this was one of the best balanced eps concerning tohru as of yet!! They touched upon her being mom-figure in the first half but proceeded to humanize her afterward, depicting her as normal girl!, frustrated, vulnerable & somewhat silently struggling. I was right in my prediction that the moment yuki lets go of mom-tohru image, the show will too!! I’m happy!! finally, No more angels in the sky. But only real tohru with flaws, ugliness & humanity.

-Yuki’s acceptance of past feelings & change towards new ones:

The show is aware that they’ve been using the fake love-triangle initially but it actually has an explanation within the story. Yuki is attracted to tohru, so much, but it isn’t romantic at all. his attempts in “correcting” how he perceived her didn’t set right with him & he felt weirded out more! The show brilliantly depicted these “flirty scenes” with a hint of uneasiness. Yuki’s lines/ moves felt cringey & artificial “do you like my act, princess”,”I’ll kidnap you”, being encouraged by Aya to compliment tohru as a boy should. The signs are all there except not in your face, & the writer deserves praise!! Yuki, being perceptive, was able to reach such conclusion, not only by looking into himself, but by also at looking how kyo interacted with her, differently from him. Kyo sees tohru as a woman & is attracted to her romantically & altho kyo’s words & interactions with tohru lacks princely smoothness & have a hint of awkwardness, it was natural, genuine & spontaneous. Kyo didn’t put on an act or forced himself to flirt or deliberately chose words to impress tohru. Yuki was able to notice tohru only looked romantically towards kyo. Yuki used all his observations to reach another conclusion abt himself too!!! What he wants in a relationship is sth similar to kyo/tohru!! Mutual & equal relationship. He won’t be satisfied by one-sidedly giving or taking.

-The Author’s brilliance in writing traumatic-based behavior ( Kyo/yuki’s best interaction!! ) :

-an anon cryptically warned me that I’ll be disappointed in kyo this ep cuz of a certain scene with yuki. After watching it, I can tell you without a doubt I’m not disappointed at all!! Rather I’m beyond satisfied that I’ve decided to trust the author. Ms. Takya is genius in depicting traumatic-based behavior! Any other writer, would write the scene less raw, yuki would still shine defeating his inner demos, but kyo would only grunt, or say sth mild. cuz the writer might fear that it might risk showing kyo as the stupid guy behind in his growth compared to the successful yuki ,or annoy the readers/viewers who are so eager for these boys to reach mutual ground. Only a great writer will be brave enough to write kyo as his trauma/ faulty copying mechanism logically dictates!

-We spent an entire season with yuki, saw him yell at kakeru’s insensitive hurtful remarks, cry knowing he was saved cuz a friend risked freeing him, it took a locked dark room, paint fumes, PTSD, tons of monologues before yuki finally let it all out! & you want such brilliant writer to make kyo turn around & be nice to yuki all of a sudden after episodes of fights & no perspective insight? You bet such amazing writer will give kyo’s perspective its time & his development the logical progress he needs. This writer is all abt logical & realistic progression! whether positive or even negative, the characters will come across human, raw, realistic & real during & after their journey.

- Going through kyo/yuki’s dialogue, it will tell you that furuba is NOT abt friendship saving the day, or abt successful growth. It is abt the journey these traumatized children are undergoing now that they are nearly becoming young adults. Yuki’s journey was amazing not cuz he succeeded (as amazingly as this is) but cuz it made sense from his perspective, was realistic, logical, matched his coping mechanism & character traits & it took the needed time. Now for kyo, all his reactions should match his perspective, & make sense giving his coping mechanism. He wasn’t given time yet. so, he won’t grow much yet. “Making a fool of me?” kyo didn’t see yuki’s perspective abt the hat. he thinks yuki did it on purpose to taunt him.That HE saved tohru while kyo fails as always. “Praised by others, needed by them” Kyo like everybody in school, always thought yuki is a prince, loved, & admired. Kyo is not the audience, he didn’t see yuki’s struggle.”surpass me easily while I struggle” kyo may train for years with tears & blood, but the rat will beat him always cuz he is superiors. “an idiot that never gets anything, wants an idiotic impossible thing” “if only I gave birth to the rat, I’d ve been happier” kyo’s mom wished or the impossible. So did kyo. He wished that he’d prove to her that he can be the rat’s equal. She shouldn't have died becuz of him. An impossible wish.

-I personally think that kyo’s journey will take a different path from yuki’s. Unlike yuki, kyo’s been accused & proved to harm others somehow, intentionally or unintentionally. Some not even in this world anymore. So there are things in kyo’s journey that can’t be fixed. Nothing will bring his mom or kyoko back to life. He can’t apologize to them. There is NO forgiveness here as kyoko said!. Hence, the writer will brilliantly make kyo fall so hard & reach rock bottom so bad before he stands up again!! It matches his personality too!! He’s a person who struggles in expressing himself verbally, gets overwhelmed with emotions, stubborn, hard on himself & fiery in nature. Moreover, due to his trauma, he harbors very low self-esteem & due to his guilt, he is drenched in self-loath.

-The addiction of destructive coping mechanism ( Writing Brilliancy):

Kyo has one of the most destructive coping mechanism in the show. Similarly to what his father did by illogically dumping all the blame of the mom’s suicide on 4 year old child, which resulted in hurting kyo, kyo adopted his dad’s ways & dumped it all on yuki. Illogical. wrong. but it works!! it numbs this tingling sense of guilt, it puts the voice that goes “ you’re unforgivable” temporarily to sleep. All the hate is on someone else. not me. I’m not a monster. does it work all the time? NO. cuz NO drug does! All drugs has this temporary effect, that unless you break away from, will end up destroying you. “don’t you want it that way? you wouldn’t want to have anyone to hate?“  I’m still confused if this is kyoko or his mom. It has kyoko’s hair, the words are very harsh. Kyoko from kyo’s perspective shifts between extremely kind & cruelly harsh! but regardless, the truth has been spoken. Kyo’s eyes are opened. He can’t force blind himself anymore. he does NOT hate yuki. he “ acts like hating yuki is sth you needs to do”, as shigure said! hating yuki is his way to escape from his destructive self-loath. He hasn’t been hating or fighting yuki for a long while, he tries now, one more fight, one more dose of the drug, let the pain go away! Nope. Yuki is not participating, yuki is in the light now. You are drenched in the darkness, as unforgivable as you are. Monster eyes & all. Kyo breaks the window to break away from the memory. from this point on, it escalates to rock bottom as the drug is no longer working & hating himself with no escape is all he’s left with.

-Protecting leading to hurting:

yuki brings kyo attention that while he’s been hard on himself & resisting change, he is hurting tohru. Sth kyo chose confinement in oder to NOT do. Kyo being distant from class activities “life” is his choice. Tohru suffering is a consequence to that choice. Kyo, once again, overwhelmed by tohru’s desire to include him in their activities “ life”. Helplessly & painfully looking at her & acknowledging yuki’s words. Kyo in one of his most vulnerable moments, matched only by true form hug scene, is desperate for a hug. Not only cuz he loves her, but cuz he needs her, cuz he’s so tried of himself, cuz she’s so endearingly stupid waiting for him all by herself when she could’ve easily caught him home!! Ugh! tohru! T_T. Except this time, kyo is aware of his surroundings, it’s school, no place for transformation. As kyo decides to change his position from hug to head rest, he stares so intently in her eyes. Embracing her with his presence. For a moment there I felt weird. Like I was intruding on a personal moment between two ppl. XD. This moment was this excellently weird mix of tenderly romantic, bittersweet cuz they cant be together hug, & sexually tensed! one of the most successful kyoru moment that truly depicted emotions visually without needing much dialogue!

Side Notes:

kyo/yuki interaction was their most honest, filter-free & raw moment! each said what he really felt. yuki’s directly telling kyo to complain to him, which kyo did. yuki urging kyo to see that punishing himself hurts tohru.

I appreciate that Yuki won’t tell tohru now, cuz it will ruin their progress towards a better balanced relationship. Tohru’s lid hasn’t even been touched, so she would be cautious interacting with him. But once she opens her lid, her self-worth increase & her desire to focus on herself more is ignited!, she’ll listen to him without taking his burden as hers. just like kakeru did. Equal friends.

I wanted to talk deeper abt machi & yuki, but didn’t want it to be overshadowed by kyo’s analysis. Next time for sure!

I love how the writer included the most spontaneous flirting moment between kyo & tohru right after yuki explained that he saw her non-romantically. The writer wants the comparison to be clear cutting ties to any love-triangle misunderstanding that might linger from previous scenes. Moreover, it showed yuki fully & genuinely accepting kyoru!!

I’ll never be over tohru acting like normal teenager & chasing kyo, trying to catch the script!!!! These small moments while having not much effect on the grand plot, help depict tohru with her own feisty style of stubbornness beyond the one-sided kind image we always see.

This ep has well-written & visually appealing scenes. Visual imagery were well-implemented in kyo/yuki scene & kyo/tohru last scene.

Thank you anime for drawing tohru older, pretty & more mature in the final scene. She looked like a woman in love & silently in pain. My baby is growing!

Why is kyoko holding the hat in KYO’s flashback!!!! she’s wearing the same white dress from yuki’s memory?? What the heck is the hat’s story?!!!

[i-am-just-a-kiddo]

favourite male fictional characters

Thank you @vishcount​ for tagging me, this was a lot of fun! 💞 I originally planned to follow your example and put ten characters here but suddenly it became a lot more oops. also i hope you forgive me for following your format, it’s neat 

I am tagging @isabellaofparma​ , @the-cloud-whisperer​ and @sassyassassy​!

I chose the characters that impacted me deeply on a personal level throughout my life (often shown by how long my love lasts over the years and if i was inspired to write for them). 

In no specific order under the cut: 

Legolas

The Lord of The Rings, J.R.R. Tolkien. 

I think it’s only fitting I start off with this magnificent guy. Maybe I gotta admit, i’ve just had a crush on him ever since I was like, nine years old? He’s the character I will fight tooth and claw for (though I guess he doesn’t need me to do that). I love Orlando Bloom’s portrayal of him, eventhough he is vastly different from the books. Book Legolas is such a delight as well, he feels so whimsical and playful and his banter with Gimli is just gold. I was sad when The Hobbit trilogy came out and I was so disappointed by how they butchered his character, it just did not feel authentic anymore (maybe I am also just bitter about the forced hetero storyline for him. makes no cents, this elf is GayTM your honour. and he will meet his soulmate Gimli in a few decades).  Either way, Legolas is the love of my life, thanks for coming to my tedtalk,

Peter Pan 

Peter Pan, J. M. Barrie

Another childhood crush of mine. The gif I chose if from the 2005 movie because we always used to watch it and it is to this day one of my favourite movies. It’s so dreamy, so magical, yet also incredibly sad and sweet.  I have this very strange fascination with Peter Pan. There is something incredibly unsettling about him, especially in the book. He represents something every child wants - who doesn’t want to escape their bedroom and fly away to experience magical adventured far from the adult world? And yet he also represents the impossibility of it, the curse he carries around with himself because he will forever stay alone, no matter how many lost boys he gathers around himself. And Wendy - it’s a love that was never meant to grow and mature, it’s a fleeting dream for the both of them.  I have seen many different adaptations of Peter Pan and I have my favourites, though I want to give a special mention to the book Peter Darling by Austin Chant. It’s a retelling of the story how we know it, in which Peter returns to Neverland after having finally grown up BUT the main points I want to highlight is trans Peter? Heck yes. Gripping and compelling gay love story with our favourite original lost boy Captain Hook? YES. 

Snufkin

Moomins, Tove Jansson.

I have discovered Snufkin for myself only last year, and yet I know he will stay with me forever. In short - I vibe with him, he vibes with me. His anxieties about being with people and longing for solitude? His fear of being loved and being important to someone to a point he doesn’t know what to do with himself? This man just wants to roam freely with his own mind and yet he always returns for something that captures him. Mum, I love him because I have rarely felt this seen before. Also, Snufkin said ACAB. 

Prince Jing - Xiao Jingyan

Nirvana in Fire (2015)

This too is a darling I have only discovered recently. I watched Nirvana in Fire this year and let me tell you, it’s the best show I have seen in a long while. It’s absolutely amazing and it also ripped my heart out. All the characters are absolutely amazing and I am still not over it.

To be honest, I contemplated between Xiao JIngyan and Mei Changsu, because character-wise I think the latter is a lot more interesting and compelling. He makes for a fantastic heartbreaking and flawed protagonist.

However I have to admit - it was love at first sight with Prince Jing for me and I’m still lowkey mad abt it rip. Seems like I am not immune to Pretty Prince Propaganda. But apart from that, I adore him for his genuine

goodness,

his almost naive drive to be better and seek justice. He lost everything, and for the longest time did not have anything to fight for. So alone and lost and bitter, it makes me sad how much it hardened him. He is heartbreak and clumsy kindness hidden under a skin of scars that was inflicted by his father and many others. I see his sad cat-eyes and I cry, that’s just how it is.

Edmund Pevensie

The Chronicles of Narnia, C. S. Lewis

I grew up with these books and movies - they have always been part of my life and it will probably always stay that way (only last night I rewatched the first movie and sobbed).  Imagine my surprised when I finally watched the last movie about five years ago and was incredibly impressed by how they adapted the book; also imagine my brain suddenly going CASMUND in bold letters at Skandar Keynes’ and Ben Barnes’  performance in that movie.  From there, I rediscovered this story completely anew for myself. My favourite Pevensie sibling has always been Lucy (and still is, because I identify with her so much and she feels like home to me); however this new discovery of Edmund’s character was overwhelming. It’s interesting to see characters you’ve grown up with from a more grown up point of view. I don’t want to lay out all my thoughts here, just know I am so heartbroken for him, and so so proud as well. His character arc is amazing and maybe that’s how the last movie makes me even more emotional. Seeing Edmund and Lucy still holding on to Narnia but knowing that that door was closing for them? Not to mention what happens in the later books (we don’t talk about that).  Also did I mention Casmund. Here, have my incredibly emo and depressing take on Edmund’s character that I started writing four years ago and which will forever stay a WIP. 

Nie Huaisang

The Untamed (2019)

My son. My soul. My bane of existence. The tragic thing about him is, that he does not really exist in canon as I have created him for myself. He’s a secondary character in the show, always so relatable yet still brings the ultimate twist of the story, yet he still remains this incomplete shadow. The movie

Fatal Journey

gave him a lot more and I cried tears of joy and devastation. I don’t know why I latched on to him so much, but apparently he is the one that I project on, the one that feels like he sits somewhere inside my chest. I don’t know what else to say - this year he has been everything to me. I spend a lot of time in his head while writing, and maybe that’s how he’s there forever now. Nie Huaisang saw my brain and went it’s free real estate. All my love for you, you dramatic art hoe.

Sherlock Holmes

Sherlock Holmes, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Ah, another lifelong companion. There are many adapations that I adore - starting from the origin of it all, the books and stories which I have all devoured; the 80s adaptation with Jeremy Brett which was incredibly wonderful; to BBC Sherlock which shaped and traumatised me (I still like the first three seaons but I am too hurt to think about it); to the numerous movies -  but by far my most favourite performance is Basil Rathbone as Sherlock Holmes. Somehow he manages to capture the Holmes I see in my head when I read the books, the sharp yet polite eccentric detective, who loves his companion so much and who has desire to help others.  Sherlock Holmes will always stay special to me, in so many different ways. He shaped my youth and I know he will stay with me. (also what would you say when I told you he helped me discover that I can, in fact, be queer AND ace at the same time? thanks pal).  What else is there to say? Sherlock Holmes is a universe that you can dive into and find many amazing treasures. 

Isak Valtersen 

SKAM (2015)

There he is, the boy that changed my life. SKAM changed my life. All of the characters did. However, Isak is special for many, as I imagine. I remember winter 2016, when tumblr was flooded by these norwegian white boys kissing in a pool and cuddling and I was like ‘nah’, this doesn’t look convincing.  I don’t know what changed my mind but I remember sitting down at last and watching all that was released of season three and it was only downhill from there. I remember starting to follow the real life updates religiously while watching the other previous seasons in between. The one clip that completely wrecked me was when Isak went to the school nurse about his struggles with sleep - it felt like for the first time I saw someone on screen that could understand me on so many different levels. The entierty of seaons three is so personal, I would tell you to go watch it if you don’t know what I mean. The entire show in fact. It’s a masterpiece and it feels so real. This show impacted my life in a way that no show has managed to do before. I miss it so much. I miss Isak too sigh. 

Shang Xirui

Winter Begonia (2020)

Technically, for me personally, Shang Xirui is the nonbinary, gay and ace representation I need in my life (or at least that’s my own personal take on him), but since that is not official, he’s still here on this list. Of course he is because wow, it’s been a long while since I’ve seen such a compelling character on screen. I went from disliking him to being absolutely heartbroken over him. I don’t think any other character in this show captured me as much as he did. There are so many layers to him and discovering all of his sides is a wonderful, heartbreaking, painful and also beautiful journey. I’m not sure I understand all of him yet, but I am willing to try and dig and just ponder his existence. This too, is a perfect example for a flawed yet authentic protagonist. Also he is the most beautiful thing on this planet, or at least that’s how I have been feeling ever since I watched this. I wish to write more of him in the future. 

Aang

Avatar: The Last Airbender (2005)

I grew up watching ATLA and my favourite characters have always been Toph, Zuko and Uncle Iroh. In recent years however, I completely fell in love with Aang all anew. 

I think especially in the past, I had these prejudices against main characters and found them all the most boring personalities ever. In recent years this changed a lot and especially Aang is a prime example for that. Watching him from the perspective of older me, I find so much wisdom in this young boy. Somehow he represents all I wish to be in my life but at the same time he shows his flaws, he carries this sadness with him that will accompany him all his life. This inner battle and chaos that he has to face day to day and in the end - he is just a young boy. So much has been taken from him and yet he learns how to not let it overtake him, that anger and hurt. He tries his hardest to be better than the day before, even if sometimes the world crashes down on him and he gets overwhelmed. He is a child recruited by adults to manage their mistakes and play into the hands of predestined fate and in this essay I will -

Harry Potter 

Harry Potter, J.K. Rowling

I am surprised myself. I thought I would put Fred and George here, or Remus and Sirius, however I realised that none of them quite capture this feeling of lifelong change, of personal, deep impact that Harry had on me. 

As with Aang above, I used to think Harry was the most boring protagonist, yet my opinion took a 180° turn in the past years. Many of the things I wrote for Aang apply to him too - the fact that he was a child, that lost so much, and was always faced with challenges that a child should never have needed to face. Something I want to address is how my favourite book, The Order of the Phoenix, lays all of this out. Harry is just as flawed, just as vulnerable and angry as anyone else. I know some people did not like his ‘emo behaviour’ in the fifth book but for me it just showed how human he is, how he was just a teen like myself at that time. As for many, this boy shaped my entire life, shaped a generation, and I will forever be grateful. I’m sad and angry at how J*R behaves, and how she puts us in the position of doubting our love for these stories. I know I will always love them, but I will not turn a blind eye on all the problematic shit is carries with itself and what the author piles upon us. 

Lan Wangji & Wei Wuxian 

The Untamed (2019)

I will try and keep this short, because if you want to read my thoughts about Wangxian just go to my ao3 and find the  over 70k i wrote for them.  I decided to put them here together because I can’t seperate them and I can’t choose between them. Each of them carries something I recognise in myself, and each of them is the opposite of me. They each own my heart and soul and I know there will never be a fictional couple like this for me ever again. They’ve snuck their way into my heart and have never left. They deserve to be here, together, because my love for them is indescribable. Bless them.  + Bonus:

The Doctor

Doctor Who (1963/2005)

Technically, the Doctor doesn’t count as a “male” character, but since he has been presenting as male up until recently, I needed to include him. I chose the Tenth Doctor because he is the one that broke my heart the most. I adored Nine but he was there too short, and I do love Eleven and Twelve a lot, and Thirteen absolutely owns my heart, Ten has just always been the one that made me cry the most. I loved this era of Doctor Who, I loved how sad and hopeful he was, how heartbroken and yet determined to help wherever it was needed. Doctor Who is always that show, when I return to it, I am reminded that maybe, humanity and the universe isn’t all that bad. 

phew, this took ages damn. but i had so much fun! i decided to leave out honorable mentiones because we would be sitting here until tomorrow lol. 

[fairycosmos]

i really feel like i’m just not meant to be happy. i’m not meant to have friends or meaningful relationships and i’m li ch rally abt to cry. i feel like such an embarrassment, both my personality and my body and just like. i hate that this is who i am and i’m so frustrated with everything. what’s the point to it all i’m really sorry for venting and if this bothers you

:(( im sorry love, i can't tell you how much i relate. it's hard to take words of advice seriously when you're so wrapped up in your own self hatred, but i'll say this. as easily as people lie to each other, our minds lie to us. you can be absolutely convinced of something but that doesn't make it factual, it doesn't make it true. you can't trust your own judgement of yourself, because mental illness distorts everything in order to justify the self destruction and the narrative you've fallen into believing. i really think there is no 'set path' nothing you're 'supposed to be', you're just here. you just are. happiness is within reach, as is sadness, and most experiences produce both. your future will include both. right now, you're doing what you can with what you've been given. i know you don't believe it, but that's honestly good enough. isolation can really skew your perception of everything, but it's more common than you realize. a lack of close friends isn't a reflection of what you deserve, it's usually the result of circumstance, or what you're going through. it's really hard to like others and to be comfortable around them when you can't stand yourself. that's why i don't like it anywhere. plus, experiencing such emotional turmoil, and the intensity of the despair is absolutely exhausting, it's hard to find the energy to connect. and i totally understand why you feel like giving up sometimes. it's so fucking difficult living with the weight of it every day. but you have to know that so much of this is being cause by your own self image, which is something that can absolutely be worked on. yes, even for you, even despite how absolutely permanent it seems in this moment. have you ever talked to anyone about what's going on? there will be a massive part of you that wants to discredit the idea but that's literally what keeps the cycle going. every aspect of your life is filtered through your own beliefs/memories/thought processes, so if they're causing you this much sadness then it's vital to consider professional help. mental health is just as fragile as physical health is, and sometimes it needs real treatment. your doctor should be able to refer you to a counselor, who can introduce you to some genuinely helpful coping mechanisms, and identify the root causes of where this all started. or if you're worried about money, there are numerous mental health hotlines available, as well as support groups that may be running in your community.....i know these ideas sound scary and uncomfortable, and you don't have to commit to anything rn. i just want you to know you're not alone. and that this isn't what the rest of your life is going to look like. as you get older, the more time you spend with yourself and the more you grow, the more you'll learn how to forgive your 'flaws.' it's too tiring not to. anyway, if there's anyone at all you trust even a little, its alright to think about telling them what you told me. it's terrifying in the moment, but it passes. it all does. you're a lot more resilient than you realize. if every day you're making a choice to help yourself, even just by getting some rest of saying no to self destructive urges, then you're doing better than you realize. i'll be rooting for you and i know you're going to make it through. one day at a time. let me know if you need a friend or if you want to talk more about it. sending love ❤️

[hyena-kid]

alright but. this is where Hades (the game) is different.,,

(excuse me for any mistakes i am peabrain and still have much to learn,, im just sharing abt the game 👍👍)

also like. spoilers for hades game obv

at first hades seems like an antagonist. quite the tempered father, and not letting you free, visit the outside world and all.

but later on in the game you learn more. yes, hades did lie to his son, the entire world, even persephone not knowing the truth of zagreus. zagreus was dead to persephone, and that was because hades never reached out. thought it would be better off like that.

but zagreus eventually meets persephone. and after some time persephone comes back to the underworld. to hades. (though from what I know this was something added after the game's release?)

and oh damn isn't hades the sweetest boye to persephone. there is dialogue where all zagreus hears is hades asking persephone if there's any trouble, if there's anything he can do for her, etc. he's constantly checking on her and she gives him valuable council regarding the underworld.

hades was very faithful, yes. with the queen gone for the gods (no,, no pun intended) know how long he still thought of her. he kept a photograph of her in his private chambers, right next to his bed. he was clearly worse without her, and missed her. but he kept to himself.

persephone gets hades to talk to zagreus, too. since their relationship is a little uh. broken.

hades apologises, not asking for forgiveness. they come to some sort of understanding. and it's clear that hades never really wished to hurt his son either.

i'm not sure anyone can play the game start to finish and continue thinking hades is the antagonist. actually, there probably isn't really an antagonist in this game. i mean, even the enemies zagreus fights are just doing their jobs.

also, hades calling his son zagreus for once :')) and zagreus calling him sir. they still have little "fights", if you even call them that since they seen quite lighthearted, but,,,, ohmynfhn

i'm not sure the olympians hate him either. the gods, i mean. they do have... opinions, about his temper and all that, but i've only ever heard the gods talk about getting zagreus to the surface- not much hating on hades. they're all family, i guess.

i remember.. thanatos, was it? he mentioned stuff about zagreus' relationship with the lord was definitely broken.. but also, if i remember correctly (excuse me for i have a literal banana for a brain) something about starting anew.

supergiant wasn't trying to make hades seem antagonistic, specifically towards the end.

more like.. just a person with flaws.

... flaws being his temper and inability to express emotions (especially to zagreus)

course, zagreus had some thoughts on him. but that is fair. for one lied to and kept in invisible chains, he's allowed to feel that way.

and!! orpheus' songs never mentioned anything bad about hades, either.

i mean, he couldn't. he's literally that man's muse. but rather, in songs like "In the Blood" and "Hymn to Zagreus" (latter being more of a nod to the alternative story with dionysus and zagreus, which in the game was more fictional than anything) orpheus sings of zagreus' inability to be free, to run away from.. everything, really. family.

the styx taking him and all. not something hades controls, if i remember correctly. but i still needa look at the lyrics again, man, i have no clue if orpheus' songs mentioned why zagreus could not escape.

.. supergiant did great portraying hades. not to mention from zagreus' view, too.

anyways, hades (game) *hyperfixates*

now i feel like looking around at the hades community here on tumblr. never checked much, about time.

(also my deepest apologies to whomever i reblogged this from i may have rambled a bit,, just uh. ignore it /lh)

Hades: is faithful to his wife

Hades: spends his time chillin in the Underworld

Hades: doesn't really get involved in the shitstorms other gods cause

Hades:

Hades:

Hades:

Hades: is the antagonist in every media about greek gods

[nightslain]

"But do you... Like / like / him? How do you know you truly do LIKE him?" ( gossip with annie abt your crush, Leon ;0 )

@ghostlyanon || let there be gay

                 “…Do I love Mathias, you mean?” He pronounces the meaning a little more plainly, no matter that he can’t help but chuckle at the coyness in her choice of words. The question, whatever its phrasing, should be very simple to answer, with a very simple choice of words, but Leon finds himself overflowing with words and stories that are anything but simple–like a great secret he’s been aching to tell, and having too many ways to tell it at all. He laughs in earnest, breathless already with how much he has to say as his fingers still on the slim flash of a blade between his fingers. He’s carving something, though whatever little totem of his imagination he is busily at work with seems suddenly detached from the Belmont’s interest and notice alike. His forget-me-not eyes drift to hers, bright and honest in the golden afternoon. “Of course I do. In every sense of the word there is. There has been so very little time between us wherein I did not define what I felt of him as love of some kind or another. He was always mighty and regal and adored for his wisdom and valour, long before I adored him as a mentor, a friend. Long before I recognised him for his gentler, human ways. Annie, there are but a hundred things I could tell you made me fall in love with him.”

                  He does not care to pretend away the pink cresting in his fair young face, or climbing upon his ears as he takes to giving an absent flick of the wrist, a delicate graze of the blade against the little wooden something in his hands. His voice quietens almost to prayerful intimacy as he lids his eyes against the sun spilling into his face. “His lovely rain-grey eyes that smile as much as he does when he looks at me, sometimes; most times, even, I’ve grown proud to admit. The deftness of his hands, always so full of power and intent and somehow still entirely too gentle in the times he has absently set my hair or my clothes back into place, or brushed his fingers to mine in handing me something asked for. That he is so wise and astute and wonderfully cunning. But…kind. So kind that he would listen even to myself, once thought a much simpler man than he. And he would thank me for having said anything at all.”

                    Something in his heart trembles with joy, to only having recalled such things aloud (something indeed–it’s no secret to either of them exactly what.) Smiling is inevitable, and not an unwelcome consequence, even if he is sure he looks quite foolish in all his pink-faced celebration of something so loved. Perhaps it is only that which inspires whatever inkling of modesty that keeps his eyes from hers as his tuneful voice dances thoughtfully on. “All my warbling aside, I won’t pretend he is without his wrongs. He has made me angry no small number of times, and we have argued no small number of times. And loved more for it, I think. But if there is always one flaw I will never see him rid of, it is that he is outrageously stubborn. It was very near to being the death of him, once. And in that time, I was…” A pause. The blade and his unfinished design both surrendered into the grass at his sides as the Belmont leans back on either hand, sets his golden head askew. He huffs, one faint, incredulous note of laughter. “Terrified. Furious. I had never seen myself so angry and so frightened, and I had never cried so fearfully with the thought of losing someone before. It was the very worst thing he had ever done to me, save the long silence that followed saving his life–though I was in part to blame for that much…”

                His smile gentles. Turns nostalgic, bittersweet. “But then he came to me on his knees, dressed all in tears and guilt and painful remorse. If I am honest with you–I think I was never more aware of being in love than then. How glad I was he was here and well, how thrilled I was to see him again, how moved by his devotion to me, to us. How I ached to comfort him. To forgive.” A sigh loosens from his chest–as though the weight of so much honesty has become suddenly exhausting. And if not honesty, then perhaps yearning certainly is. “I had wanted to kiss him terribly much in that moment, Annie. So terribly. I have not stopped wanting since.”

[wildernessuntothemselves]

I AM NOT STRONG I AM ABSOLTELY NOT STRONG

I DID CRY

FUCKKKKKK. here are some quotes of me to my friend while reading

“Oh my baby, you’ve gone insane. You can’t handle the rejection from him so you’re blaming it on me and now my family too.”

❄️: “NAUR NOT THE GASLIGHTING”

friend: “not so girlboss”

❄️: “oh fuck its goin down” ““youre mine” STFU”

friend: oh nooo

You swallow down the ball of terror that occludes your throat. “I want to go to my room.” You request shakily, “Please.”

❄️: “shes scared-“ “this is not girlboss at all” “Omg we got a letter from the taehyun” “YUHHH IT FINALLY CAME THROUGH” “a maid smuggled it in”

friend: “LOVE THAT MAID”

❄️: “PERIODDD”

my reaction to reader wearing a slutty outfit:

❄️: “WE ARE GIRLBOSSING” “DRESSED LIKE A SLUT” “AAAAS WE SHOULD”

me reaction to soobin being scared off by beomgyu:

❄️: “so much for making friends🥲”

“I can do what I want.” You seethe, “You wanted me to be a whore so bad. Why are you mad now when I act like it?”

❄️: “OHOHOHOHO” “PERIOOODD YUHH”

reaction to beomgyu saying the princess wont ever take y/ns place:

❄️: “EW THE SWITCH UP” and the most german reaction ever “IGITT” which means ew but worse “WE DONT FEEL NEGLECTED WE WANT YOU TO FUCK OFF” me @.beomgyu

him being all nice in town and helping the commoners

❄️: “hes being nice rn” “i dont wanna forgive” “remember ❄️ hes a dick” “NO BC IM A SUCKER FOR PPL WHO DO NICE THINGS” “also a sucker for manipulators so…well”

“You attack your father over that whore?” The king spits, slapping the prince across the face. “I have half a mind to let the guards take her right here in front of you so you’ll realize what she truly is.”

❄️: “mom please pick me up im scared😀😀😀😀😀” no srsly i was abt to shit my pants the part with the king scared the f outta me

your eyes fly open in apprehension to see him holding a dagger.

❄️: “BRO FOR A SECOND I THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA FUCKING CUT Y/N” like carve his name into her or smth- I TOTALLY WOULDVE EXPECTED HIM TO DO THAT “this was traumatising” “fucking dickhead” “i wanna hug y/n and tell her everything will be okey ☹️”

ALL OF THIS LIVE REACTIONS OF MINE

i am now traumatized for life and miss tae and want him to safe and accept us more than ever but he also sounded sus in his letters so IDK ANYMORE

beomgyu has absoltely lost it tho and the fact EVERYONE in the castle was in on it???? WHAT THE FUCK

this broke not only y/n but also me FUCKKKKKKK

one thing this goes to y/n if she was real and i could talk to her

baby virginity is a social construct, no man will EVER be able to take something from you and make you be worth-less NEVER is anyone gonna do that, he took you forcefully which means if virginity means something to you… you are still a virgin, if something gets stolen from you its still yours. baby i love you do NOT let him break you

i am so done this was amazingly written seriously you have such a way of getting me immersed? into the story the way you write is amazing and this def was a emotional roller coster

ill out myself by saying i read loser lover many times and also the latest ch. of yamqn probably 3-4 times… and yeah i can see myself reading this ch again as well and then crying some more😭😭😭😭

-❄️

not you traumatizing your friend with my story 😂

i love the live reaction! i sometimes write lines and think "ohh i wonder what my readers will think of this" lol thanks for the german lesson could always use a more powerful form of ew 😂

sometimes the people who appear the most charitable can be the most evil ✊🏼😔

ngl the king scared me too lol imagine being oc in that moment

ahaha a repeat of iyym felix nooo

tyun does sound a bit sus. it's the hint for his flaw so good on ya for picking up on that

and yes all you said about virginity. unfortunately in a society like where yamqn takes place virginity is a real currency. men won't take her as a wife now that she's "ruined" 🤢

[hamliet]

I'm not really enjoying Mutsuki's character not because of what it's happening, but more because of how it is communicated to us. I can't really put my finger on what it is, but this is how I generally feel. Tbh for me since the beginning M's character has Always had too many and too obvious parallels with K. I know all the Quinx (and all the characters) have those, but for me the fact M's arc has been following the exact same trajectory (and I hasn't been subtle abt it at all) had been cont.

somehow a let down (for me obv). I also thought it was really easy to foreshadow the truth abt M’s past, but still appreciated the build-up and the realization of those chapters, but I still wonder if I would have appreciated them more if I hadn’t had Kaneki’s arc to compare them to. However, despite it all I think M’s character does touch for better or worse really interesting themes and I love discussions abt him, so I’m grateful abt blogs like yours which encourage them and aren’t afraid cont            

of discussing both positive and negative aspects of it as well as possible outcomes. Also, I agree abt the necessity for M’s character arc to end on a positive note either way the difference btw him and K would be simply reduced to one having people willing to forgive him and the other lacking them. Also, I’ve thoughts on M’s character touching hot topics and I can’t help but comparing him to a character of another manga who does the same differently. Bit that’s for another ask! Have a great day             

I understand. The eyepatch parallel with Kaneki is a little much, but on the other hand, it works when we think about how Mutsuki is associated with “see no evil” (Urie “speak no evil” is often draw without a mouth and Saiko “hear no evil” always has her hair covering her ears, so their designs all show their flaws). But the fact that his arc directly parallels Kaneki’s is a bit much for me as well–Urie and Saiko’s do as well (especially Urie’s because his and Mutsuki’s arcs are parallels of each others’ which is why I would not be shocked if they both frame out here) but it’s most blatant with Mutsuki, maybe too blatant.

Yes, I agree about the necessity of ending Mutsuki’s on a positive note. If it doesn’t I will find it hard to swallow any kind of redemption for Mr. I’m Eating Tokyo for Dessert after the Main Meal of 100 Children* when Mutsuki like. Hasn’t done anything nearly on that scale with the level of awareness Kaneki had.

Thank you for the ask! And now I’m curious about that other character… I love my challenging murder children.

*please give me a break tumblr I’m being facetious I have a snarky sense of humor