#thought of rewatching this is going to hurt but it’s too depressing honestly

[berryispunk]

When Words Fail, Let Me Stay

pairing: Frankie Morales x gn! reader

notes: Detailed discussion about depression so be aware before reading. I wish I could (finally) write something happy but I can't.

tags: heavy on mental health struggles (depression), spoilers for 'Jane the Virgin', mention of loss, soft! Frankie, best friend! Frankie, comfort, hurt, fluff, no physical description of reader

summary: Trapped in your own head, you find a glimmer of comfort and connection in your friend Frankie.

word count: 1,5 k

It crept up on you. Slowly but surely, swallowing you piece by piece until there was nothing left. You should have known better—should have reacted sooner. But you stayed rooted in place, watching the waves crash around the abyss beneath you. You went on with your life, going through the motions without really being there at all. You didn’t even register words anymore, conversations growing harder by the day. Your apartment mirrors your inner mess perfectly: used plates and glasses stacked up, waiting to be cleaned, but you can’t bring yourself to do it. Even if you wanted to—even if you had a tiny bit of energy left—as soon as you saw all the work that had to be done, you froze all over again.

So the days went on, and you rotted in your bed, the only place you found comfort. You doom-scrolled through various social media apps, desperately trying to fill the void with anything. But it was to no avail. You isolated yourself from everyone. You didn’t want to be a burden to them or worry them more than necessary. Of course, the healthier option would be to at least open up to someone—anyone—but how were you supposed to untangle the mess in your mind enough to explain it? You were afraid that if you told anyone about your darkest thoughts, they’d step back—afraid of being pulled into the darkness with you. How would they understand, anyway? No one is you. Thankfully.

One evening, you lie in bed, your favorite TV show playing for the hundredth time—just background noise to drown out the voices in your head. Your phone buzzes on the nightstand. Once. Twice. You ignore it, too lost in your own haze to care.

Then it buzzes again. With an irritated sigh, you reach for it.

__________________________________________________________

Frankie Morales 🚁3 New Messages

[10:30 p.m.] Hey hermosa, what was the name of this show you liked so much again?

[10:31 p.m.] It was something with ‘Virgin,’ that’s all I remember 🤔

[10:32 p.m.] It was the one where the abuela talks Spanish most of the time and you always ask me what she said… grr, please help 🆘

Even in your current state, you can’t help but let a faint smile tug at your lips. It’s completely random—but still, you decide to reply, if only to stop him from pestering you.

_________________________________________________________

🍓: I guess you mean Jane the Virgin.

Frankie Morales 🚁: YEAH!!! That’s it. I was going crazy over here. Jane the Virgin, right.

🍓: I’m glad I was able to help. I’m actually watching it right now 😅

Frankie Morales 🚁: Oh, really? Interesting. At this point, I bet you could reenact every scene without even thinking. How many times have you rewatched it by now?

🍓: Don’t be mean, Frankie. And honestly, I have no clue anymore 😅 Maybe the 6th or 7th time.

Frankie Morales 🚁: Which season are you at?

🍓: Just started Season 3. Michael got shot after their wedding. They’re at the hospital, and Michael’s mom is being a bitch to Jane.

Frankie Morales 🚁: Oh, alright. I remember. Season 3 is so intense, isn’t it?

🍓: Yeah, but it’s not my favorite.

Frankie Morales 🚁: Which is your favorite?

🍓: You’re asking ME? That’s impossible to decide!

Frankie Morales 🚁: C’mon, you have to have some preference. I think mine’s Season 1 meeting all the characters and the chaos starting.

🍓: Oh yeah, Season 1 is definitely in my top 3. But I also really love Season 4, even though it’s super sad. The way Jane deals with grief… I felt seen. I actually started watching the show shortly after my grandma died. The dynamic between Jane, Xo, and Abuela is just so comforting to me. I miss my grandma. 😔

Frankie Morales 🚁: I’m sorry, hermosa. I didn’t know about your grandma.

🍓: It’s okay, I don’t talk much about it. Just another one of those things that makes me too sad to bring up.

Frankie Morales 🚁: That’s fair. Hey, I was wondering—should I pick up where you’re at so we can watch together? 😄

🍓: You don’t have to. You already rewatched it twice with me. I’m sure you have better things to do on a Friday night than sitting through my comfort show again.

Frankie Morales 🚁: I was actually supposed to go out with the boys, but I ditched them last minute. Just wasn’t in the mood. You know that feeling? 🧐

Yes. More than he probably realizes.

🍓: I’m the wrong person to ask, Frankie. I always prefer a night in with movies and snacks over going out. 😅

Frankie Morales 🚁: My bad, preciosa. 😂

You’re not sure why, but suddenly, you feel the urge to tell him—just a little—what’s been running through your head. It’s always easier over text than saying it to his face. Especially when he’s looking at you with those damn warm, worried brown eyes.

🍓: Honestly, I haven’t been in the mood for anything the last few days.

Frankie Morales 🚁: Oh? How come?

You sigh.

🍓: I guess my depression has me in a chokehold again.

Frankie Morales 🚁: That sucks. Anything I can do?

There it is again. His fucking attentiveness. It’s one of the things you love most about him, but in times like this, when you struggle so hard, it makes your heart ache. You don’t deserve this kind of care, do you? Not after pushing him away so many times. But the warmth in his words reaches you in a way nothing else has in a long time.

🍓: I don’t know, Frankie. I don’t think there’s much anyone can do. It’s just one of those times where everything feels too heavy.

Frankie Morales 🚁: I get that, hermosa. But you don’t have to carry all that weight alone. Maybe I can come over?

You stare at your screen, fingers hovering over the keyboard. The idea of company is both terrifying and tempting. You want to say no—after all, your apartment is a mess, and so are you. But then you think about the quiet presence Frankie brings, the way he never pushes, just stays. The way he has always made you feel a little less alone. He feels like a warm fire, bringing in light—even when you don’t want it. He may be the one person who truly understands your pain after everything he’s been through.

🍓: I appreciate that, Frankie. Really.

Frankie Morales 🚁: Anytime, preciosa. You know I mean it.

A small, tired smile tugs at your lips. Typical Frankie.

🍓: Can I be honest with you about something?

Frankie Morales 🚁: Always.

🍓: I hate feeling like this. It’s like I’m stuck in a loop. No matter what I do, I just end up back here—tired, unmotivated, isolating myself. I know I should reach out more, but I don’t even know what to say half the time. The chaos in my head is unbearable for me. How am I supposed to explain it to someone else?

A long pause. For a second, your heart clenches in panic. Maybe you overshared. But before you can spiral further, your phone buzzes.

Frankie Morales 🚁: You don’t have to explain it perfectly, hermosa. I get it. More than you probably know.

Something in his words makes your chest tighten.

Frankie Morales 🚁: You don’t have to fight this alone. Let me come over. I’ll bring snacks. No pressure. No expectations. Just company.

You exhale shakily.

🍓: …Okay.

Frankie Morales 🚁: Be there in 20. Want anything specific?

🍓: Just you is fine.

You toss your phone onto the bed and let out a shaky breath. This doesn’t fix everything. It doesn’t lift the weight in your chest or clear the fog in your mind. But for the first time in a long time, you don’t feel like you’re carrying it alone. And that’s because of Frankie—because he cared enough to reach through the silence, to remind you that someone still sees you. And most importantly, care enough to stay. To keep trying, even when you pull away. To offer kindness without expecting anything in return. It’s a small thing maybe, but to you, it feels monumental.

thanks for reading <3

my masterlist

[iminaworldofpureimagination]

For the “give me a character” post: Diane Nguyen! :)

GIVE ME A CHARACTER;

and I’ll break their ass down:

How I feel about this character/ unpopular opinion about character/ writing decisions: combined.

Baby girl perfect in everyway

In all seriousness her goals to want to make the world a better place to make herself feel like a good person reminds me a lot of my morality ocd / hank getting off scott free.. i get it but I do find it kind of a bummer than she had ZERO wins too.. ending with the whole billionaires are excused of murder whale plot like whats even the point of trying to be an activist at this point? .. dianes mental health does take a hit but she deserves at least one win and the view towards activism feels a bit cynical but i aint even acitvist sowhatdoiknow. she also has agood heart but is also very passive aggressive she's a very flawed character and the way she lashes out when feeling wrong is detrimental to relationships and just not cool.. Diane told whatshisname..wayne that she wasn't writing a book to tear bojack apart and then.. proceeds to just do that amuses me. I think in a way its her subconscious lashing out after bojack embarrased her in front of her abusive family. I don't know if i have unpopular opinions I think most agree her approach to dealing with bojack upsetting her in intu sub wasn't beneficial to anyone it wouldn't help him change anyway.. now that i think about it after hearing the audio tape she should have confronted him sooner.. . I just thought of an opinion thats prob unpopular. The argument at philbert premiere.. and how the creator handled knowing real life hank liked his show annoys me. you can't control bad people watching /enjoying your show there are zillions of people in this world ou owe it the fans that get your show that they know bojack isn't a good person and don't approve of his actions with penny/sarah lynn/ ect.. I love bojack but i hate when he did to penny and find his actions not forgiveable while still believing in his ability to change. i just didn't care for being hammered over the head with how the handled the message they wanted to get across. .so I find the confrontation of bojack/diane at Philbert to be beneficial to no one and more Diane venting via the creator than trying to make a point that would even help such bad behavior. .. i also really hate when things get too on the nose i prefer subtly ... minusbojackhatesthetroopsbutnevermindthat..

All the people I ship romantically with this character You know its Bojack maybe when i finally rewatch it fully I'll like her/ Guy but at the times it bojack. sure it could be horrible but i thought they vibes they had when high /drunk as a skunk is kinda fun.. but honestly i also like the sweet moments of bojack being in her corner after everyone is against her with hank (this def made her finding out about penny even more crushing) i like the I need you in my life from both of them/

i feel bojack acutally understands diane more than she understood him as he has crushing depression and def sees a lot of himself in diane I think at their best they bring out good changes like bojack writing his letter to her about how being miserable all your life is stupid and it get her to call Guy back/ or encouraging her to take her meds and thanking her for taking him to rehab that ends up with her taking her meds and being in a happier mental state. I know people think they bring out just the worse in eachother but i think if he stayed sober and never made the phone call he prob be invited to the wedding as a best man.... Its not all sunshine and rainbows they had their fights that took things to far and have hurt eachothers feelings in the process. i go between shipping em to pondering is it more of a famial bond?? cause i can see diane finding comfort in bojack being similar to her famil Diane definitely use to idolize bojack their relationship is an interesting case of befriending your idol and having your idol the man that gave you a safe space as a kid turn out to be someone who did such unforgiveable things.. .. i think at the end she still loves him the sad thing about em is they never stopped loving eachother not completely.. but had to move on ..they make me cry..

My non-romantic OTP for this character PB/Diane I think it was mostly worse than her/bojack minus the message he left her.. we spend a lot of time with pb/diane and im not saying diane is without blame in the fails of it but his lack of respect to listen to her not wanting grand gestures / getting annoyed with her for not apprecating them feels kinda gaslighty.. ... he alos got rather violent after the fracking arguement breaking dianes laptop and pinning her to a wall.. that leadtoangrysex. and his reaction to diane talking about his brother was completely out of line. his Belle Room was also trash.. him wanting diane to have a say in their new home makes sense but that belle room was just trash. I dont want to make it seem like i think diane is flaweless as much as i think pb should have listened more.. I do think she overreacted in after party t to me its just a harmless suprise party with friends but im not diane either. .. Im still confused how they made it work for 10 years..

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

Make her family less of a joke and more realistic... might have been nice to see. I wish Diane got a win with her activisim.. one little win.. hmm.. maybe more focus on how going to cordovia traumatized her because some people didn't get she stayed with bojack because her new friend DIED and it traumatized her.. she brings it up at the end of s3 but i think maybe if it was focused more she get more sympathy.. i love how i said i hate things not being subtle then suggest they should have been more in your face .. im such a contradiction .. She's a good rounded character. the kinda of person id love and find annoying at the same time if i knew them in real life.. if that makes any sense. I love people who have passion and she usually means well but i get annoyed by people going a bit over the top with things and she def does. no hat to diane of course im out of things to say. I wish i had a song to share .. songs are usuall good for expressing how i view a character but i got nothing

[zimzimgar]

So I finally got around to watch Nimona. Cause I should be doing my physics stuff. But I don‘t wanna so I procrastinated. And then got two Nimona clips while doomscrolling. and decided to finally watch it.

and it was great. it was all that I heard and hoped. and for me honestly even more. but that comes later.

so first of the animation is of course brilliant. its consistent and sharp and beautiful. but what I really noticed was that everyone looks consistent … except Nimona. And I am not talking about the shapeshifting. What I mean is that the other characters adhere to thir character model. None of the exagaration in expression normally found in animation, but all stay with expressions that they could make. But Nimona doesn't adhere to a model. but maybe thats just somethibg I thought up. Would have to rewatch again(which I might do) to get a good look at it. but this makes Nimona stand out so much more I think and ir was a great artistic choice, if I am not imagining it up right now.

The humor was splendid. Not just the jokes. But also their timing. And their appropriateness(? Is that a word?). I laughed a lot during this movie. But the thing that stood out to me was that I didn‘t laugh at inappropriate times. The dramatic and impactful scenes were kept dramatic and impactful. There were no quipped oneliners thrown in where they don‘t belong. And that is something I miss in movies. It started with Marvel movies, or at least that’s were I started noticing it(in Avengers 1 to be precise.), and making its way into other movies as well. And I slowly started to watch less movies and series as this kept going.

That‘s actually one of the reasons I didn‘t watch it for so long. Because so many people told me „It’s so funny!“ „You‘re going to laugh so much!“ and so on. That I was afraid it would be the same here. And I did laugh. But I think this is a really sad and tragic movie in the end. And here it gets personal for me.

I believe that the end. (Spoilers from here on out BTW if that wasn‘t obvious). That that little scene where Nimona obviously came back should have been left out. Because while the movie obviously shows that anyone can find acceptance. That anyone should be accepted. That hate and bigotry and racism and all the other isms actively hurt our society. The main message that I took away from this is one that I had to learn the hard way.

Once someone is gone. It’s too late to change your opinion of them. They will have known you as the person you were in your last interaction. And this does not mean that you shouldn‘t change. You should. You should always strive to be better. To live so you do not regret things. But not because it will fix what you did to them. But because you should have been better and weren‘t. And there is no fixing that, only making sure you never repeat the mistake.

There was a time in my life that I thought about ending it. I didn‘t in the end thankfully. But I am also the person that regrets not spending more time with my friend before they died. I believe if this movie had been out back then, and I could have brought myself to watch it. It would have helped me immensely. (To be honest my sister would have my sister would have probably forced me to watch it).

I can only recommend this movie to anyone. Especially those strugglibg with depression and loss. Also with strugglibg to find who they are, in regards to sexuality, gender, and also just not knowing who they are. Watch the movie if you haven‘t already.

[dxcinhx]

dropping some thoughts about vida here

i started watching this show for melissa barrera and i absolutely enjoyed it and have rewatched some episodes bc it's very entertaining

s3 felt kind of different, it was almost like the sisters switched roles at some points

i might be reading too much into it, but in the first few eps as emma and nico's relationship was going well i would look at emma's face and be like she's happy but she's still waiting for the other shoe to drop, and of course it did. and i was so sad to see her clam up again and fall back into her whole "vulnerability = weakness" thing. for a few episodes she just looked so dead inside like she was seriously depressed and triggered with everything going on, like nico's secret wife and her awful dad making himself known

i love lyn so much but i need her to be single. i'm so glad she finally realized where her true priorities lie and that she needs to work on turning into a chameleon with the men in her life but i just hate that it happened in the last like 20 minutes of the series finale

side note but i was not expecting lyn to get so into religion for a hot minute. i mean i understand that it was her yet again molding herself to the people in her life, so i think she snapped out of it once her father showed his true colors but still like it was so jarring. god the man gave me such awful vibes and the last scene of him and emma after she confronted him was legitimately hard to watch

the sisters spent so much time apart and on different pages this season it made me sad :( i completely understand why but i do miss the moments in the first episode or in earlier seasons when they were sisterly and messing with each other

i love that mari had some more time this season to build herself up a little more and yes this is cruel to say but her dad dying is a blessing ! now she can finally look after herself and find people who appreciate what she does. honestly that man pretty much killed himself after he kicked out the only child who actually took care of him. ladies ask not what u can do for machismo but what machismo can do for u

speaking of this family i can't STAND johnny oh my GOD get off my screen and get away from the women in ur life all u do is hurt them

god i wish this new generation of shows had longer seasons. a 6 episode season is nowhere near enough to develop the characters and storylines better (even tho this season the episodes weren't all 30 min like s1 and s2). i was like holy shit things are happening so fast it's one terrible thing after the other but of course they are, they only have like 5 hours to tell the story!!

i'm really fond of this show and how witty it is, its integration of mexican and american and mexican-american cultures, the spanglish, the butch rep!! everything

actually one of my favorite moments this season was when lyn was talking to that european dude at her bf's mom's bday party (fuck her bf and his mom by the way holy shit he was such a weirdo) and she was talking about how difficult it is to be perceived as mexican by gringos while still not being mexican enough for mexicans. when she said she couldn't even hold a conversation in english or spanish i was like u read my mind. i'm literally incoherent. anyway it really resonated with me as an immigrant and i think it's such an important conversation to have!!

anyway emma and lyn repaired their relationship and their bigoted father is rotting in hell and they keep the bar and eddy's back too and everything is going better than ever, they told me so themselves <3

[cherryblossomsandhydrangeas]

Sk8 Rewatch Ep10

Adam: I thought it could be a little fun, but as I expected, Cherry’s just boring. I’m going to kill this man in his sleep.

It’s really interesting how you can tell Cherry is a beloved member of S. Like, the S gallery, some of Adam biggest enablers are either shocked silent, crying, and muttering about how far Adam went.

Miya shouldn’t have seen that happen, god.

Langa: *Sees Cherry almost die* So, where’s Reki?

Sk8: Here’s Tadashi’s and Ainosuke’s past! Me: *Still reeling over what happened to Cherry* Yeah, I really don’t care.

Tadashi, darling, none of this is your fault.  You were a kind child who saw an abused child and decided to give him some happiness and affection. It’s not your fault that the Shindos are classist; it’s not your fault that Ainosuke started to hurt people, and frankly, this isn’t your mess to clean up either.

Honestly? Yes, take skating away from Ainosuke, let’s find him another hobby that make it more difficult to assault people and harrass minors. I hear crochet is really popular.

Oh, Reki, baby. 😢😢😢

I love Reki’s family.

Poor Nanako.

Adam: Could you be having pre-wedding jitters? I’m gonna rip his tongue out before roasting him over an open fire.

I’m upset that Oka is in so little scenes, but I do still love him.

Hmm, I actually wanna know more about these asshole who beat Reki up. Like, he was with them for three days, I can’t imagine how awful they had to have been.

Who the fuck tries to kill someone’s crush just because their girl left them? Smallest dick energy imaginable, bitchass motherfucker I’d have left him too.

Did nobody really notice this teenager in an alleyway.

That’s depression baby!!!

Big Brother/Manager Oka coming in with some good advice.

I love that the group cares so much for each other. Reki feels like utter shit, but he hauls ass to the hospital as soon as he learned Shadow was injured.

Another reason I wish Sk8 was longer so we could get a full reconciliation for Reki and Miya.

Tadashi, sweetie, how often do you run people over that you immediately think to take them to a love hotel and have money on hand to bride them with?

Tadashi: Is this your first time? In a place like this? Well I sure fucking hope so.

I love how you can immediately understand Tadashi’s words about skateboarding are because of the Shindo’s conditioning.

Reki’s speech about skateboarding is wonderful, and I’m glad it got him out of his funk, but Tadashi, DO NOT let this seventeen year old boy convince you to stop doing the right thing.

So, uhh, neither Tadashi nor Reki took that packet of money, so I’m assuming the maid for that room had a REALLY good day that day.

My boys!!! 😂😂😂

So does no one in this city think it’s strange that drones are flying everywhere?

I hate this man so much it’s unreal.

[thefevercodepdf]

this is gonna be very personal and tmi. warning for suicidal ideation, etc.

i rewatched the death cure earlier tonight, and my reactions were just as i predicted. i cried and cried and cried, and it changed me all over again. i was reborn again. i say this with complete seriousness and sincerity, the death cure saved my life. when i watched it the day it came out in theatres, i was in the midst of my first horrible depression. i'd just had something traumatizing happen to me, and i felt so alone and empty and hopeless. i spent every waking moment planning ways to kill myself, and honestly the only refuge i had was this stupid book and movie series. the image of newt holding a gun to his head terrified me so deeply that it was all i could see when i closed my eyes for the next week or so. these are things that i didn't fully understand until years later, but seeing someone (a fictional character) that i loved so much try so hard to kill himself shook something in me, something that told me i would cause the same devastation if i did it too. i didn't say those words or think them then, because there was no way i would have genuinely believed it. but i still took newts last words to heart, because he did mean so much to me and i just needed something to keep me afloat. every time i felt myself drowning again, i'd watch the death cure. i always say it's because i needed an excuse to cry, which is true, but i also just needed to have space to love (these fictional characters), i needed to see how much people can love each other, i needed to see that it's possible to have a life at the end of all the hardship, i needed to hear someone say, "You deserve to be happy." it's cheesy but it kept me going and it's keeping me going now. there are jokes about imagining that your fav is proud of you for being where you are, and it is so cheesy but sometimes it was all i needed and all that kept me going: i know that if he were here, he would be proud of me. it really fucking hurts though that the last time i really needed to feel like "Newt is proud of me and i need to keep going" i was younger than him, and now i am older than him. that hurts bad. but whatever. i deserve to be happy and i want to be happy, damn it!!! i have had suicidal thoughts since i was eight years old and i never learned what it's like to truly be happy, but damn it i'll figure it out!!! i don't want to succumb to whatever tragedy of my life exists, and not even fight against it. i am so tired of this way of living.

it's just right place right time, really, the reason i attached to the maze runner. there are so many other things out there that would give me what i needed and in a much better way too. but idk this is what happened. that's fine. if watching the death cure is what literally pushed me to live another day, then another, and another, i don't want to be embarrassed or regretful or anything. it saved me. in tandem with a couple other things sure. like one of my high school teachers telling the story of one of his previous students who killed herself. one time my best friend in college got wasted and sobbed over the toilet because he didn't want me to die, and that for sure woke me the fuck up.

ok enough yapping! no one will see this anyway and im just posting this for archival reasons. hello me from the future who is rereading this. i really hope you're doing well. i hope i did good by you.

[axailslink]

Letters

An Arthur Havisham x male reader fanfic

So I have been obsessed with Joseph Quinn's characters and fell right back in love with his one after rewatching the show. Love a depressive gay drunk who just needs a hug.

summary: Arthur hasn't retund a letter to someone near and dear to his heart which makes this person also known as you panic and visit him only to find he is feeling very unloved. He's a wee bit dramatic.

Fem aligned do not interact please

Arthur reads the letter in hand and it gives him a sense of happiness it wasn't the first time he had read this one he got this letter over a month ago but had yet to reply. Heard from his childhood friend Y/n who comes from a family of money too. They hadn't really spoken since they were kids but they still remained the best of friends but only in letters. Truth is Arthur is nervous around him when he was a boy he just thought he was fond of Y/n thought he was sweet and soft but now he knows it's something more than that. He wanted to visit him truly but there was too much going on his sister hates him Compeyson wants him dead for ruining such a big chance for him... Actually, that might be just the reason for him to visit his dear friend maybe seeing him would make him happy again. A sudden loud and impatient-sounding knock breaks him out of his thoughts causing him to drag himself to the door and swing it open and stand on the door frame. He stands straight though when he sees you standing tall and annoyed "you've been avoiding me Havisham!"

You slam the door shut and walk into the room pushing with more force than you'd like to. Arthur rolls his eyes and shrugs "I have not and please do tell me you did not take a whole week's ride out just to see me..." Arthur was honestly flattered by that that you'd worried so much about him that you would visit him even in your busy state. "I was worried the last time you stopped contacting me your father had just found out about...our letters." Oh yes, the letters the ones you sent in secret as young men barely over the age of eighteen were sweet at first just friends missing friends. But over the years they became something stronger more flirtatious and loving. You two talked to each other as if you were in a long-term relationship your father didn't like that he knew you were thinking of each other in ways you shouldn't. He saw right through it and he put a stop to it he talked to Arthur's father and he forbade him to write he even made him chip in more when it came to working on the brewery so he didn't have time to plot against his father's wishes. "Oh now someone cares about me? Now someone cares about Arthur!?" You're not really all too surprised by Arthur's words he had this common act when someone hurt him he would easily convince that everyone else wanted to do the same so he hurt them first or tried to. You grab his arms and pull him to your chest "I've always cared about you Arthur you may be able to spout that bullshit to someone else but not me Arthur I won't take it. I've always cared about you" you state caressing his hands as he stares up at you he catches himself staring and plants that defensive look which he started putting on a lot more when Compeyson left. It was hard to trust anyone. "I'd bet you'd say you love me too" you sigh and shake your head "of course I love you just like your sister loves you" he groans and snatches his hands away "just like my sister loves me? Really? I don't think I'd be willing to have sex with my sister Y/n why don't you just say it? Are you afraid of what it'll mean?"

You had come to comfort him not to talk about your problems but now he was opening a whole bowl of crisps that you hid in the back of the cabinet. "I'm not afraid of what it'll mean I know what it means Havisham I really do but unlike you, I'm not afraid of what it means I'm not ashamed of who I am are you?" Arthur stands still and turns his head contemplating how deep that question could run through his mind over and over. You take him into your arms squeezing him in a tight hug that you know he needs the recent letters were not filled with joy and love you could read in between the lines he was hurt. As soon as Havisham feels your warm embrace he breaks down legs becoming wobbly and tears streaming down his face all you can do is hold him and rub his back. "I'm here Arthur it's alright" you just sit and hold him for an hour as he lets it all out of the bottled-up pain he's been keeping to himself all the bottled-up pain that only the alcohol knew of. When he pulls back he's staring at you in that way that you know your fathers would disapprove of looking into your eyes wishing you'd move first so he doesn't make a fool of himself hands slowly gliding from your shoulders to your waist. You slowly start to lean in overtaken by those sad eyes of his and those damn dimples but you quickly pull away not far just a bit "we shouldn't" you mumble he nods before speaking this time "so what's it's this time?" You pause and look at him and shake your head understanding what he's getting at "no one it's no one Arthur it will never be anyone else as long as I live and breath and I know you're doing the same" there go those waterworks again working their way into his eyes. "So then why won't you kiss me? I don't understand Y/n you send me these letters and visit me and tell me how much you love me but you can never deliver on it. I want the version of you that used to run around in the field with me not caring if we got caught I want him back at least he could kiss me." You grab him by his waist and pull him closer "oh Arthur I'd do more than kiss you more than the gentle things we used to do as young men but I just can't I have an image to keep" his stare of love turns into one hell of a glare as he pushes you with all his strength into the table "an image!? You can't even do it with me behind closed doors? So I'm just supposed to sit around and wait for you to be ready enough to deal with me is that so?" You shake your head and snatch the letters from the drawer you were just pushed into "you know I have an image to keep but nothing in these letters are fake I meant every word every disgusting word I know my father would disagree with! The things I said I'd do to you I would and you know it. Do not make this seem as if I don't love you!" Arthur looks at you and then shakes his head before grabbing his glass and swallowing whatever remained before throwing it at your feet. "You do not get to say that! you do not love me!" You crumple the letters and let them fall from your hands as you approach Arthur and grab him by both sides of his face keeping him still as you plant a kiss on his soft lips overrun with a salty taste from his tears. You haven't done this in so many years you're sure you won't stop now you start unbuttoning his shirt and pull away just for a moment to see if he's okay with this. He's crying again so you stop your hands laying still on his chest "I'm sorry you're drunk and I'm taking advantage of that.." he rubs his lips with the back of his hands "don't continue doing this if you aren't gonna be in my bed tomorrow Y/n I can't deal knowing you'd leave me" you take that to the heart feeling the guilt crawl into your ribs and flip your stomach that wasn't a promise you could keep but you were sure as hell going to try.

"I have a meeting tomorrow but I'll be sure to be back so let's not worry" you continue unbuttoning his shirt then drop to your knees to unbutton his trousers too you look up at Arthur hoping he's watching your every move because right now you were showing him exactly how much you wanted him but he wasn't you could tell he had a question burning his throat. "How many others have you done this with?" that wasn't quite the question you were expecting you know lying would only hurt him but telling him the truth would probably hurt him more. "Four I just don't see what that has to do with this moment Arthur" you answer so quickly you think he might not catch it. Still, he does and nods slowly before grabbing your hand that lays on his trousers "so you're a liar" you examine his hardened facial expression unsure of what he was speaking of. "What? Arthur, I would never lie to you" he glances at your hand then lets it drop to your lap "in your letters you lied y/n we were supposed to be each other first when it comes to lovemaking has it been so long that you forgot about that?" you hadn't forgotten actually it had been what you had been thinking of for the longest of years since you moved away but you had urges that you couldn't satisfy by yourself sometimes. "Arthur Havisham there is a difference between lovemaking and fucking someone beyond repair the thought of having you one of those nights led me to those actions. Now if you'll let me I want to make love to you tonight. Just you."

Arthur smiles at those words after many years it was like the wish he had wished so many times above a cake was finally coming true but he had to make sure. "you promise you won't leave me?" you stand up and take his head in your hands again "if I leave you're coming with me."

@jazespoet

@cuddly-dean-baby

@edmetalqueer

@pinkflamingobee

@youroldtrenchcoat

@h4untedc1ty

@daybreakmistakes

@verygaynotherapy

@massivebooklover123

@stinkysam

I @ a few people who liked the last post about Arthur Havisham it is here and now that I would like to say though if you are not he/him aligned this post or any post that I post with this character is not for you because it will most likely be male aligned. (Also one of the people I tagged is they/them if you'd like to be taken off please contact me.)

[loversj0y]

im crying over techno again (this is long and sad im sorry)

i miss him so much man. i hope he knows how much he did for all of us. ive been rewatching old wilbur videos and seeing him in them brings me so much bittersweet joy. he meant so much to all of us. i hope he knows the ways he changed us.

he was my final push to start streaming. i was inconsolable the night he died. the week after i kept thinking about how long i’d pushed off the idea because i simply didn’t think i had the time. something about losing someone that you even just perceive as being close to you gives such a shift in perspective that i figured at that point it’d be stupid not to. and the thing is, he was so incredibly supportive. of every last one of us. he always supported the people in his community.

its a big thing in my life honestly to live in his memory. usually people say stuff like that in a negative connotation but i dont think its negative. i hold his memory close to me as a reminder of the things that ive lost. and its a comfort in a sense to let his deadpan mockery push me to be better and to do things i might fear doing.

he has a space on my ofrienda. i pray to him in the same way i pray to all the family i have lost because even without knowing him personally, he welcomed us all enough to allow me to feel like there was a family with him when my own felt incendiary and volatile.

i think about the fact that lovejoy is playing a festival with the killers. its a festival im incredibly excited to go to, but on nights like this when im crying over a lost brother i never had, i feel saddened in knowing how much he would have loved to have seen it. i think he will be there, watching. but the feeling wont be the same. i think of how wilbur must feel. knowing that he’s playing a festival with the same band that he’s not only loved, but that he shared his love for with techno, to the point that it made such a strong lasting impression on techno. i hope he knows how proud techno is of him. i hope that if he stays to watch the killers perform, he feels techno with him. because i know he’ll be there.

i have a lot of thoughts on how much he meant to me, to all of us, and im kind of just pouring them out in a stream not unlike the tears that wont seem to stop tonight. if i can be honest, ive been avoiding a lot of stuff related to techno. i took a step back from everything as a whole because it hurt too much and i didnt know what to make of it, not really. i keep finding myself mourning how little time i got to have as an active techno watcher, given how recently i joined the fandom and such, but i also know i should rather feel thankful for every second that i got to have. i find myself avoiding a lot of mentions of technodad still. he’s lovely and he means so much to all of us, just like his son, but i cant help but feel my chest reopen each time i hear him speak about his son. ive seen the feeling of watching a person you love mourn a family member who was taken too young personally. ive seen it in my own family with my cousin, and it all feels so heavy. i know there is this narrative of being thankful for the time we had with a person. but i still consistently find myself balanced on the precipice of anger and acceptance. i dont struggle with bargaining or depression, let alone denial. i know hes gone. i know nothing will change that. but i also will never be content in feeling appreciative of the time we had because we could have had more time. even if it was just a. second more. it wouldnt change things but maybe it would ease the ache in my heart as i think on all of the people who loved him who will live past him, myself included.

i keep coming back to the song life worth missing by car seat headrest. i cant quite explain where i find the parallels but i feel it in this delicate balance that i find in the song. theres this delicate balance between grieving and losing yourself in grief and im not that sure that ive found it. for a control freak, one of the things that always has hurt me is my lack of control in death. i cant change it. and all i can control is the way to cope but i simply dont know how to do that. and the temperamental part in my head is the battle i find myself fighting because i know how he wouldnt want this. he wouldnt want the heavy grief but i dont know how to not feel it. i find myself feeling the heavy grief or essentially nothing at all.

and theres quiet, kind moments throughout it all. when i think maybe i can hold his memory and move with it. but those moments dont last long. but they mean more than any other part of this whole process. when i hear him in my head, making fun of me for not putting myself out there. when i feel him supporting me as i feel unstable and shaky. regardless of your thoughts on religion or my own, i know that he is there. whether it is real or it is in my head, both are substantial enough to give me faith. and isnt that religion in and of itself?

i know that all the things we wanted him to know, about how he changed us, how much he meant to us, all of it. i know that he knows them. but i still am allowed to mourn that we never got to feel him know them. am i allowed?

i think im allowed. i think he’d allow it. i think he’d understand.

because when i feel whatever sense might lie in my convoluted ideas of religion and my strong sense of morality, i know one thing above all.

that he understands.

[sofoulandfairaday]

The ultimate How I Met Your Mother Finale rant

I know this has been done before, and I know I'm several years late to the party, but I don't care, so IN THIS ESSAY I WILL tell you about why this finale takes the spot as the second-worst finale in TV show history (because Game of Thrones is still, to this day, unbeatable, and it will probably stay like that forever). 

But first, a little context: I've just finished binge-watching HIMYM. This binge has been going on for three days straight (my final exam of the semester is in a week and I should be studying, so the fact that the last few days were a partial waste of time makes me so mad). Second thing: I already knew how it would end, and yes, kids, it does ruin the show for you. It ruins the show so much it makes your blood boil when you rewatch certain scenes, but I will get to that. 

You might want to make yourself a drink because this is a complete list of all the reasons why HIMYM's finale sucks - I'm warning you, it's gonna be looong.

It completely invalidates the entirety of season 9

This is one of the complaints people most often have with this series, and I have to agree. It would have been so much better if the last two episodes never existed, and they just showed Barney and Robin dancing at the reception after walking out of the chapel, Ted noticing Tracy and then the platform scene. "And that, kids, is the story of how I met your mother". Cut scene. Honestly, I don't get the hate people give to season 9, barring the last 2/3 episodes, especially since season 8 was so much worse (except for a few honourable mentions, like The Robin). S8 was slower, less funny, and less deep, and while the authors took a risk by making s9 happen in the span of a weekend it paid off: they took their time introducing the character of the Mother to the gang and fleshing her out. They make sure to highlight all the little ways in which Ted and Tracy are perfect for each other, and even tie up loose ends, like with the Slapsgiving episode, that was a filler but it wasn't boring to watch (although it may be problematic for different reasons, I'm not Chinese, so I can't say for sure if it's cultural appropriation or just the authors making fun of a particular movie genre). 

Some episodes were arguably great: "Daisy" was amazing, and that whole fight between Marshall and Lily was so realistic and well thought out, "Sunrise" was extremely important for Ted's character development, same goes for Tracy and "How Your Mother Met Me", "Bedtime stories" was impressive, "Rally" was incredibly funny and proved once again what a beautiful character Barney Stinson is, so much so that even Robin never has doubts that he (the guy with the biggest commitment issues on the planet) will bail on her before the wedding, and says to Ted that "he always comes back". Daphne's character is super funny and the right amount of annoying, the shenanigans of the gang are well thought out and all of the characters (not just Barney) complete their arc in this season. The last two/three episodes butcher that.

Marshall and Lily

Marshall and Lily, arguably the world's most solid couple, are the only thing this God-awful finale gets right, especially Marshall, who is my second-favourite character, that finally gets everything he deserves. But what about Lily? They never mention her career after Italy, and I refuse to believe she goes back to being a kindergarten teacher as if her year in Rome meant nothing. I also refuse to think she becomes nothing but a political wife, the equivalent of Zoey, but without saving the world. We know she has three kids, but her postpartum depression is never really talked about much and they definitely had the screentime to delve into it. 

Barney

 Where do I even begin? Barney Stinson is, without a doubt, the best character in this series, the glue of the whole gang. I think the message they were trying to give is that, since his trauma stemmed from the absence of a father figure in his life, he could only truly heal by becoming a father as well. People also say that n°31 had to stay just a number, because who could match up with Barney Stinson? First of all, I call BULSHIT on that last point, because Robin wasn't the only girl Barney could have ended up marrying. I used to think that too, but it's just not true: that is the equivalent of saying that Barney was incapable to truly love a woman and commit to her, even after all the development he got, and that he only got one shot at love in life, and that's it. This goes against the point the showrunners try to make by having Ted and Robin end up together AND by having Tracy get with Ted in the first place: "it's never too late, you always have another chance at love, etc." And, let's face it, Barney and Robin are legendary, but Barney and Nora (hell, even Barney and Quinn!) were pretty good together too. 

Second of all, if they wanted to give Barney a kid, they could have easily done that, before Barney married Robin. Barney's "redemption" starts when he gets with Robin the first time, hell maybe even when we meet James for the first time: Nora, Quinn, finding out who his father is, the episode dedicated to the lies his mum told him/finding James' father, him getting to know his own dad, etc... those are all steps along the way. The s9 episode where Barney accepts the relationship between Loretta and the reverend proves how far he's come. So why not give him a daughter BEFORE he proposes to Robin? Have him cheat on Nora/Quinn with n°31, giving him a relapse, and having him get closer to Robin while struggling to be a dad to Ellie. That would have been great. 

Or, you know, don't give him children. What's the point of burning the Playbook if you're going to have him write the second edition? What's the point of having him do a complete 180 in the last few scenes and acting like having a kid is the only thing that makes him change? What's the point of doing that when the show spends entire episodes berating Marshall and Lily for "changing too much" when they have a kid?

Also, Barney is the "challenge accepted" guy. He loves his wife so much, he spent years wanting her, and then he gives up because there is no WiFi in his hotel. How does that make any sense at all? This is Barney Stinson, the "I will fly out to San Francisco and buy Lily a plane ticket", the "I will steal every girl from my best friend just to save him for Lily", the guy that wrote the Playbook (it takes effort to pull those plays off), the guy that planned for weeks his proposal, the guy that waited years to get back at the man who stole his first girlfriend, the guy that makes every night legendary... are you telling me that that guy becomes the equivalent of a bored housewife instead of living his best life while travelling the world? Come on. They don't even try to make it believable.

Ted

While watching seasons 7 and 8, I felt that Ted was becoming the worst character on the show: he was boring, depressed, basically had no good storylines, the whole thing with Victoria was pointless and inconclusive (and the whole "stop being in love with Robin" was completely out of character for her), but whatever, we could have accepted that because it passed the message that two people could be good together, without being soulmates - which, by the way, renders the TedxRobin ship pointless, because they were right for each other, but Ted and Tracy were soulmates. Him being hung up on Robin in the latter seasons is almost pathetic, and the thing he does with the locket is insane, not romantic - BUT I will say this: it can be seen in two ways, depending on who's watching. I personally like the two as friends, so I see the whole thing as a "Dahmer" situation, but I get the people who see it as a "Dobler" one and see what he did as a grand romantic gesture. 

The problem, though, is that the whole TedxRobin ship gets pretty old, pretty fast: it's an annoying on-and-off thing, that should have ended with the locket. Because, yes, Ted was in a dark moment, yes, he was probably depressed, yes, he thought Robin was his only shot at happiness, but he changes during season nine! He spends entire episodes letting go of Robin, including the one where she transforms into a balloon and flies away. Ted is the good guy, ultimately. He is the guy that is genuinely happy for his best friends. In one of the deleted scenes from the finale, he meets Robin years later and says that he's so happy with Tracy he never thought about Robin in that way anymore. All of that gets thrown in the trash. Why do that? To use a Harry Potter metaphor, Ted is Severus Snape, while Barney is James Potter: the former loved the girl of his dreams with all his heart, even to the point of creepiness, but they weren't meant to be together. 

Robin

This, along with the next point, is the worst of all: Robin is the worst character of the entire finale. Her relationship with Ted in season 2 is wonderful, and I say that as a full-on Barney/Robin shipper. There was never a problem in their relationship, apparently, but they then break up because they have an "expiration date" and ultimately want different things in life. Except that Ted is not her soulmate. The only times when Robin wants Ted are the times where (1) she can't have him because he's either trying to move on or (2) the times where it's convenient, for example when they become roommates again and they solve their disputes again. Around that time, we see perfectly that Ted had moved on and that the person getting hurt was Barney. It's one thing to see Ted and Robin in the finale as two people picking up where they had left off after they dated. But this is not the case. 

In season 7, we have the exchange that should have put an end to any and all TedxRobin drama, and that completely invalidates whatever the writers wrote after that about the two of them: Ted declares his love - "I think you know how you feel about me now. I don't think time's gonna change that. Just tell me: do you love me?" To which she answers "No". And Ted also says later to Marshall, that he's "happy because he can finally move on". 

What a load of crap. 

Getting over someone is hard, believe me, I would know. And, oftentimes, it doesn't happen until we find someone else to love (and from the moment he meets Tracy, there is no one else for Ted). But by giving Ted feelings for Robin after this moment, it takes away from the beauty of it- because it's one of the most heartbreaking feelings in the world when you declare your love to someone and they don't love you back. Ted and Robin were both honest at that moment, and it was the last genuinely good exchange between them. After that, during season 8 they try to show us Ted trying to get over her (and failing) and in season 9 Ted getting over her completely. This is also weirdly paced because at the beginning of s8 both are in happy relationships with other people and there's no jealousy (which is good, because at least they weren't toxic) and they seem just friends (when Robin leaves Nick to go see him in the middle of the night, she implies that she would do it for any of her friends), but after Ted breaks up with Veronica because of Robin everything is weirdly coated in this sort of tension between the two: first Ted loves her, but she doesn't, so when he helps her by taking her to Barney's proposal ("which means my best bro in the world has given me his blessing"). 

And, by the way, every time they try to paint Ted as the guy that comes through for Robin after this moment, they dumb down Barney's character. And still fail to make Ted a better guy than him (see: the carousel in Central Park). 

Yes, Robin and Ted have some chemistry, but it is nothing compared to what Robin and Barney have. Every time Robin is jealous of Barney, it doesn't seem like a stupid whim, just because some other child is playing with her toys (except, perhaps, during The Robin). Robin and Barney's relationship would need a whole other post, and the next time I rewatch the series I will write down all the things that make them perfect for each other, but, to me, the biggest difference between the two relationships is this: in season 6, when she's not dating either one of them, Ted accuses Robin of never making him feel needed while they were together, whereas Barney praises her for it. Those are elective affinities: that's what Barney and Robin have, and what Tracy and Ted have. 

Barney and Robin have more or less the same arc: they both get over their fear of commitment and they do that with each other. Time and time again, we are told that if they're ever going to settle down, it would only be with the other. The first time they break up is honestly so stupid, and even when they are broken up, they are the best of friends, which also makes Robin's behaviour in the finale look so stupid. The way the two of them fit together is unparalleled, both in a romantic and a platonic way. 

Think about it: Robin makes Barney a better man, while she makes Ted a worse one. 

Also, the whole point that there are different seasons in life for everything gets thrown out the window: apparently, Ted and Robin (that were a couple that ultimately worked in their young twenties) are the same people in their forties.

But that's not even the worst part. The worst part is that the two final episodes butcher Robin's arc as well: episode 23 starts with Lily saying "I want this girl to be in our lives" and we know Robin never made other friends outside of the gang, because she didn't need to, and now she walks away from everything because of fucking Ted?? This is saying "hey, Robin was only in the group for Ted, who brought her in, and now she leaves because he's not her puppy anymore". Robin was the one that was eternally indecisive between Ted and Barney and you're telling me that three years and many many life experiences later, she's still not sure? 

The point of her story is learning how to get over her fear of commitment, learning how to be there for her friends (there's an entire episode dedicated to that, and it's the one where Lily's pregnant and we meet Robin's ex-best friend in Canada), and how to balance her job and her life. Also, the way her character is treated is un-feminist and un-progressive: she becomes Ted's consolation prize. She is passive throughout s9. She cannot, ultimately, win the modern-day struggle most women have and balance out career and love life, so her true life, her "happy chapter" begins after she has already accomplished everything she wanted to and she's free for Ted. She doesn't even go back to him, she just the prize the main character wanted for all his life and only got in the end because his wife died (ONE SCENE, people, ONE SCENE!). Also, this makes Tracy the "broodmare" that gives him the kids he wanted, and his "happy family" experience before he goes to be with his one true love. 

The mother

This. This makes me so mad. One whole season spent on building up Tracy's character, just for it to go to waste. It would have been so easy to screw her up, but she is hands down the best thing about s9. She's the perfect woman for Ted and the episode shot through her perspective is the sweetest. By the end, I liked her more than Robin and Lily. She was the perfect addition to their group, she fit together with them in a perfect way, and they show us the biggest moment of her and Ted's life... for what? To have her die in a few sentences? And I don't care if they shot a funeral scene, I don't care if the finale was supposed to be 40 minutes long, because, in the end, it wasn't. The scene where Ted meets her is the second most beautiful one (after Barney's proposal to Robin) and the climax of the whole show, but they ruin her... and for what? The chemistry Ted has with her, he has with no one. The joy she brings him, the way she understands him, is unlike any other. I am sure that one of the reasons they killed her off was the shock value and I hate it. 

I cannot stress this enough: Tracy makes Ted a better person. When he's with Robin, Ted is "the nice guy" in the most selfish and narcissistic version of the trope. When he's with Tracy, love comes easy to Ted. Also, the scenes between the two of them are arguably the best Ted scenes of the show.

The kids' reactions (ugh)

It's not really what they say- it's the way they say it. The end of HIMYM was not supposed to be funny, even though the show is a sitcom. It was supposed to be bittersweet and beautiful, because it's the end of an era, and the writers must have known that. So, Ted finishes telling his story, reveals to the audience that their now-beloved Tracy is dead, and the reaction is: "No, ahah, you totally have the hots for Aunt Robin" (their words, not mine). Like, what the actual fuck? I cringed when Penny said that. It's tasteless and not fun at all. Even if it has been six years... It's still your fucking mum, show a little bit of sadness at the thought of her. 

The reason the show ended this way

What makes me especially mad is that I know for a fact that the reason they went with this ending is that it was the original one, always intended for the show, from season 2 onwards. And, if you watch it right after s2, it makes sense. But if you consider the eight years that passed and the massive character development, then no, it's not the best possible one. So many things hadn't been decided yet back in s2, especially about Barney, Ted, and Robin, and I hate that they didn't dare to scrap their work. This ending probably had sentimental meaning to the writers, but authors have to do what's best for their characters, not themselves. It's like with GoT, in a way: I think that the authors were all too aware of the impact of HIMYM and didn't believe that their finale would live up to the expectations... which compelled them to make the worst decision possible?? Every single character is OOC during the episode. Oh, and Marshall and Lily moving in the last episode is a ripoff from Friends (or maybe a tribute? Idk). Anyway, I believe that the authors were too attached to their sentimental version of "what should have been" and didn't give the characters the endings they truly deserved.

"Life works this way" // "Life only moves forward"

Some people say that the show is realistic because that's how life works. But I call super-BS on that. That might be true, and yes, people do get sick and die (Max, Marshall's dad...) and life does go on. But then, you don't frame it the way they did. It's just bad storytelling if you do it like that. And the problem is not the structure of season 9, because the characters develop in that season. The problem isn't even the mother's death. The problem is Ted ending up with Robin because that's not life moving forward for him, that's him, doing the same thing he did in 2005, 25 (twenty-fucking-five) years before! 

In conclusion, this finale is incoherent and inconclusive, and not satisfying at all. The only character that gets a good ending is Marshall: why is that? What makes his ending great? It's the fact that his character arc is respected and he finally gets what he's been working towards for more than ten years.

[verobatto]

Unrequited Destiel...

The Legend of The Sun and The Moon

I just wanted to explain in a few words to those that are asking why Dean didn't reply to Cas or why is Jensen talking about angelical way to feel things.

I know they're a lot of post saying WE TOLD YOU THIS AND THAT, and is true. Because if you read my Destiel Chronicles from the beginning, you will see I ALWAYS CALLED THE UNREQUITED LOVE FROM CAS AND DEAN'S POV.

Some of you disbelieves this idea, but is the only way to intepretate why Destiel is the slowest slow burn ever.

No more intro, let's suffer together...

Season 4 and 5 JUST A FLIRTING GAME

Once Dean was pulled out from Hell, Castiel wanted to talk with him. He didn't wait a second. Things blew and it was messy, and even Bobby was scared that that thing would hurt his idjit. But it was just Cas, trying to speak with Dean, desperately trying to reach him in his true form. Why? Because he wanted to talk with him. He had to explain Dean's mission but also, he felt fascinated. And even more after their first meeting face to face when he was finally able to find a vessel.

And Dean just it took him just a little of his time to feel the same fascination. The almighty angel, that could see right through his soul.

But also the angel that said things like...

And we have the handprint too, such an intimate sign between these two.

Castiel showing him, honestly showing him with words and actions, his special interest on him:

"My superiors begun to question my sympathies. I was getting too close to the humans in my charge. You."

How would Dean take this here? The poor guy just decided to check out the angel, and speechless as he was at that moment, couldn't reply to it. "Is he flirting with me? Does he know how gay this sounds?"

Then Cas rebel against Heaven for Dean. Dean pushed him, the whole he pushed Cas to help him. If you rewatch season 4 Dean is constantly asking Cas to help him. Because he already know Cas was different. Because he felt Cas was his friend, his ally, and something else it was growing up in his chest.

While Cas pushed him against the wall, cut his forearm and drew the sigil, Dean's face is full of awe. He can't believe this soldier powerful angel is doing this for him.

And then... "We're making it up as we go."

Gif credit @cyxnrose

The beginning of season 5 is a very busy Cas searching for God, but also, the flirtation begins. Dean is like a cute boy flirting with his crush. The second meaning jokes, trying to figure out if Cas catch it is hilarious. But he will understand 'Cas doesn't understand that reference.'

From Dean's POV in these two season, we coul under he thinks angels are junk less.

Season 6: The profound Bond and the Longing

The romantic feeling from both sides began to flow even more when Castiel goes into the black side, and the first Destiel break up appears infron of our eyes in the middle of a very romantic scenes.

Gif credit @starlightcastiel

Gif credit @inacatastrophicmind

The last gif is out of discussion, bot men looking at each other with sad eyes, longing and as if their conversation isn't over. Dean being disappointed at Cas and Cas trying to make him see his point. Everything he does, he does it for Dean.

And now we know why it is.

Season 7: Mourning Dean and the Jealousy

Even with Showrunner Sera Gamble trying to focus Dean's morning into a Wincest subtext, we had put king Ben Edlund came to the rescue in episode 7x09.

Putting things in order, we were faced with Dean's source of depression: Castiel's death.

So, after that, when Cas really comes back, the reunion is another romantic movie. The MEMORY LOST trope.

And then... Castiel's pseudo wife...

The trope is getting better with the spicy Jealousy in Dean's eyes.

Gif credit @impalaofgrace

So he can't completely enjoy Cas is back because:

1) He doesn't remember him: so, how can be mad or anything else if Cas doesn't remember any details of their break up?

2)The guy has a wife! Okay, so, he has a wife, he easily got a wife from... Nowhere?

And then Meg comes and he is Jealous all over again!

Dean is a really mess of feelings, but in the end, when Cas recalls everything, and when I say everything, i mean Dean, because the majority of his memories was him, Dean just pulls out from his car Castiel's bloody trenchcoat and gives it him back!

So, if there was any doubts about why was Dean mourning and depressed for, we have the confirmation!

Then, let's turn the page, because now is Cas the mess... Depressed and suffering, because he almost destroy heaven, but, do you know what cares the most to Cas and when he cheers up? Yes...

When Dean says... "I RATHER JAVE YOU, CURSED OR NOT" Castiel immediately changed his face, he smiles, and kept staring at Dean with heart eyes. He was happy because Dean was forgiving him. Because since he recovered his memories, the biggest cause of it was Dean's rejection. Dean not being able to forgive him. That was the main cause of his sadness. That's why he avoided reality, he didn't have a cause, because his cause was Dean and Dean was mad at him. But now? Cas is happy again. That's why he decides to come back to battle. "I'll go with you."

Season 8 Purgatory of love and Pining!Dean

Okay, is in this season, Carver era, when Dean's POV has a turning point about Castiel and his true feelings for him and is in this season, when Dean starts pining strongly for the angel, and feeling his love is unrequited.

The cause of it, is Purgatory. The Purity about Purgatory resided in the capacity of that place to resides in abolish every human necessity to let the mind to focused in what really matters. In this case for Dean was SURVIVE AND CAS.

So we can say that what remained pure in Dean's heart was TO FIND CASTIEL.

That's why he prayed to him every night, and that's why in the moment Cas CONFESS he ran away to protect him, something in Dean changes forever.

Gif credit @agusvedder

If you pay attention to Dean's face reaction here, is the expression of the man that realizes in that precisely moment his feelings for Castiel. Even Cas stares to a side, because there was Benny watching them, and the thing he was about to say it was too intimate. I did it to protect you.

Dean, the Big Protector, is being protected by Castiel. So, in Purgatory, Dean Winchester find out his not platonic love for his best friend.

Then we had the entire season with pining!Dean and deception.

Dean's mind invented one excuse for Castiel running away from him because thinking his best friend abbandoned him, was just too painful. He does this again when Cas pushed him inside the gate and he stays in Purgatory. Dean just rewrote in his mind the whole sequence. Imagining that Cas was defeated. But the reality was, Castiel wanted to stay. And when Cas reveals this truth to the hunter, Dean's face is a mix of deep sadness and deception. He felt really rejected by his friend. He felt his unrequited romantic love for him. But he will feel it more stronger in the crypt scene, with the brainwashing and how Castiel's love for Dean broke th connection. But he left. That was a real rejection the hunter barely could handled.

Season 9: Pinning!Castiel and Human!Cas

When Cas became Human, he has to face all the intensity of human's feelings. In this season, is time for our angel to realize his romantic love for the hunter.

Castiel will mirroring Dean's pining in season 8, and he will also feel rejected by him.

Just like Dean in season 8, Castiel will feel his romantic love is unrequited, after Dean kicked him out from the bunker, being this the parallel to the crypt scene.

But then Cain's mark comes, and everything gets worst.

Season 10: Castiel is Dean's Colette

The whole Cain's mark was the visual sign of the Destiel handprint (profound bond) attempt of break.

With Cain and Dean going through a perfect parallelism in which Crowley was placed in the friend's spot, Sam in the brother's spot and Castiel in Colette's spot. Blatant and canon exposure of what Cas means for Dean.

But now, is time for Dean, after came back for being a demon, to feel unrequited again. And this is a detail that could be not seen, but it caught my attention.

CASTIEL: At least temporarily. It’s a long story. Crowley, stolen grace. There’s a female outside in the car.

This is what Castiel says when he goes into Dean's room and after Dean praises him...

Gif credit @inacatastrophicmind

Dean had been with Crowley when he was a demon this whole time, so Cas was heartbroken. Even this season opens with a very depressed Castiel in the bed just let himself die because Dean was gone. So, that's why Cas says this.

So you went with Crowley, i have a female in my car. See? I don't need you.

He was Jealous, and now Dean gets Jealous, but he also gets the sensation again of his love for Castiel is unrequited.

The episode that followed this one, Dean goes into a blind date with random chick he took from a date app (very ooc, but he did it because he had his heart broken and because he thought CAS had cheated on him while he was gone as a demon.)

Season 11: Dean resist a forced bond with Amara because he's bonded with Castiel

Season 11 is a blatant exposure of Dean's feelings for Castiel. There a lot of hints throughout the season telling us Dean is in love, just like in season 9 there was hints of this with Castiel. (Again, mirroring each other).

Dean resisted Amara because of his love for Castiel. But Cas is oblivious about this.

When Castiel is possesed by Lucifer, Dean switch's into desperate mode. If he was worried about his attraction for Amara, now the only thing he cares was Castiel, exposing again WHO DEAN IS IN LOVE WITH.

But when Dean wanted to rescue Castiel, and Cas didn't want to come back to him, it hurt him worst. Again, just like in season 8, Dean can't handle Cas doesn't want to come back with him (first from Purgatory and now from being possesed). Again Dean feels rejected and unrequited. That's why when Cas is back and the end of the world is close... Dean says these words...

"You're our brother, Cas. I want you to know that."

And Cas' face...

Gif credit @mad-as-a-box-of-frogs

That's a man with the heart broken, mostly because we know now he was in love with Dean CANON FACT! (sobbing louder).

Season 12 and the confusing I LOVE YOU

This season was full of married couple situations, but mostly, we had Castiel's I Love You in the barn, before "dying".

At first Dean thinks the angel was saying this as goodbye, expressing into words his feelings for the Winchesters. Because as and angel, maybe Cas was feeling he has to protect them all. But then he says this singular I Love You to Dean, and the guy doesn't know how to take it. It was a platonic ILY? A non platonic ILY? Does angels feel the same like us? Does he sees me as a brother? Dean was truly a mess, so he decides to respond to that with a Mixtape.

But, when Castiel disappears for days, he sinks again into that sensation of unrequited romantic love.

Then Cas comes back, and then he goes away again, and then he dies.

Season 13: The reunion and the meaning of Castiel coming back

Dean's mourning for Cas can't be interpreted otherwise than LOSING THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE.

And the longing for his angel plus some Nougat powers, brought him back.

The thing is, Dean didn't expr as his feeling for Castiel and when the angel asked him that he needed to believed that he came back for a reason, Dean goes...

Gif credit @inacatastrophicmind

This sound like if he was recruiting Cas for war. And Cas' took it as that. So he came back to soldier angel mode. Because, okay, if Dean and Sam needed him to fight, he will fight.

Unrequited Love again.

Season 14 Healing Dean and the prelude of the break up

Post-possesed Dean is a follow up of self knowledge and self growing. He was healing the whole season.

But in episode 14x04 we heard Dean being Jealous or hurt because Castiel didn't go to rescue him and then because he goes into hunts with Jack. Unrequited love again.

Did Cas miss me as I missed him?

Is the first time Dean will actually name the word LOVE talking with the kid.

And then Mary dies and everything is a mess.

Dean yells YOU ARE DEAD TO ME, and how sad that sounds now that the angel had died again. Saving his life.

Dark clouda over our ship...

Season 15: And Maybe is not too late...

In season 15 we lived the angst of the Destiel break up, but then their reunion in Purgatory was beautiful.

Again, facing the fact that he could lost Cas one more time, Dean went down on his knees and prayed to him, and because he was in Purgatory, his heart and mind were released from any distraction, and he was plenty focused in the love he feels for his angel.

He cried, and begged for him to come back.

And he found him, following his heart, the profound bond he has with Castiel.

But, when he was about to say something that he hadn't said in the prayer, Castiel cut him off. So... Again the hunter had to swallow his words and the unrequited love punch him again.

Then... Castiel's romantic love confession took Dean by surprise, because, now that you read all the clues i gave you and i convinced you that Dean and Cas thought their love were unrequited, you will understand Dean's reaction.

Gif credit @spnsmile

Dean didn't can't believe Cas had loved him the way he does this whole time and now, he will lose him again. Is too much pain he can't handle.

For a lot of reasons we had analyzed so many times (Dean's arc has to have a closure expressing his ILY to the angel, the Empty plot is not ended, Etc) Is logical to think Cas will come back in the last episode, and this slow burn story will end with them being together, finally.

To Conclude:

The legend of the Sun and the Moon talks about two lovers that can't be reunited but they love each other deeply.

Is accurate with Destiel, because these two men had always being pining for each other but never be able to be together as they wish.

Castiel always thinking Dean doesn't reciprocate his romantic feeling for him and Dean thinking because Cas is an angel, he doesn't love him back romantically.

The Sacred Oath always playing in Castiel's POV as an impediment too and Dean's love clocked in shame too.

The deal with the Empty had been settled as we suspected in season 14, as a romantic plot. So, it has to have a closure.

These thoughts are based on the volumes from my assay "The Destiel Chronicles", currently in it's 87th volume.

See you soon! Have faith!

Destiel Is Forever!

Tagging @gneisscastiel @emblue-sparks @magnificent-winged-beast @weird-dorky-little-d @michyribeiro @maleansu @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @mybonsai1976 @anarchiana @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @feathered-cas @bre95611 @zoerayne2426 @justmeand-myinsight @that-one-fandom-chick @proccastinate @studio-hatter @pepevons @poorreputation @mrsaquaman187 @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @dwstiel @ladygon @shippsblog @la-random-fangirl @lets-try-this-again-please @mychemicalobsession514 @destiel-shipper-11

@asphodelesauvage @2musiclover2

Buenos Aires November 17th 2020 8:33 PM

[noa-nightingale]

Gay Oar!!! ✨💖 - second post

After I wrote my nerdy little text about the appearance of Oar Oar in the Mansa Musa PH ep (you can find that post here), I naturally also had to write one about Sword Oar appearing in the Smallpox ep.

I honestly should have expected him to show up sooner or later after his boyfriend already did but it still caught me off guard. ✨

I’ll use my beautiful “autisticwatcher” tag for this (and if you also have to say things about Watcher-related autism stuff or autism-related Watcher stuff, feel free to use it too). Here is an attempt to justify it even though this topic probably is not inherently autistic: a) I experience every part of life through an autistic lense and b) the ways I express joy are... let’s say, atypical.

Here’s what I mean by that (and don’t worry, this is going somewhere): I am not a very outwardly expressive person. My face is kind of neutral most of the time (you could call it resting bitch bastard face), I have a voice that is often monotonous, and I don’t like showing strong emotions.

And this is what I did when Sword Oar showed up: I sort of jerked back in my chair and clapped my hands once. Then continued watching the episode with the biggest autistic grin (i.e. with what probably looked like a mild smile from the outside). ✨

Let’s get into it! Once again, it brought me great happiness to write this, and - be warned - some of this stuff is pretty specific. And once again, I did not expect that I would spend my time writing about a sponsorship part. ^-^

Enjoy! 💖

“Okay, moving along! Oh-” - “Oar are we!” Never stop with the oar puns, please. I live for the oar puns.

I think I already talked about Oar Oar’s voice and how much I like it but Sowrd Oar’s voice is equally amazing (sometimes a bit hard to understand but I can live with that - I love that voice). I also enjoyed his soft little laugh in the beginning. It was sweet.

We get a little more info on the Professor who apparently smells like “rotten cotton candy mixed with expired vinegar” (also, the sound effect after that killed me lol). Oof. Didn’t have to expose him like that lmao. I like that Sword Oar says to the Professor “I like you but you are a smelly guy” - confirming that he indeed likes him (I have one or two headcanons about this but I am... not going to mention them here, for reasons I will write about below).

The sponsor for this episode is Scentbird, and Sword Oar starts talking about “smelling seasonally appropriate” which I like - we are transitioning into autumn, the leaves will change soon, it is almost Over the Garden Wall rewatch time (I usually start my annual rewatch in October), and I just like the autumn vibes, the thoughts of pumpkins and colorful leaves and little ghosts. It’s my favorite time of the year. 🍂

Here’s a quote from the episode: “put that light sexy summer fragrances on the shelf in exchange for a thick seductive scent for the colder months”.

Okay okay OKAY you... you can’t do this to me!! >:( I have Thoughts about this, okay? Again, I am not giving you any details here (see below) but I have one or two new ideas about Sword Oar’s and Oar Oar’s relationship, and all this talk about “sexy” and “seductive” is not helping.

Like... not to get too depressed in a post about anthropomorphic oars and a sponsorship but there was a time when it was not even legal to be gay (and that time was not that long ago) and there was a time when I did not see any happy queer representation in any media. (I had Brokeback Mountain and that movie is sad as all hell; it breaks my heart every time I watch it, it is incredibly tragic, and that was pretty much the only thing I saw happening to queer people in fiction when I was growing up - struggle, suffering and death. It does something to a queer teenager, is what I am saying. And you carry that pain into adulthood, even if things do get better.)

And then look at these oars - openly gay, openly in love and openly sexual with each other. Yes I am getting emotional about a goofy little quote in a friggin’ sponsorship part, goddamnit!! Even considering all the things that are better now, queer people still get hurt and harassed and harmed and sometimes killed for being queer, and queer sexuality is still stigmatized, and it means a lot to me to have these puppets who are just so unapologetically gay and talk openly about it.

Maybe all of this is an overreaction to a tiny little quote. But it makes me happy (and sad), and I want to talk about it. ❤️

Moving on! To more queer stuff (it is more lighthearted this time, don’t worry)! :D

He mentions not having arms or legs, and that’s the bane of my existence tbh. You probably know by now that I draw a lot of gay oars art, and I have complained before about the fact that these guys don’t have hands. Do you know how many gentle things I could draw if they had hands? You can’t lovingly hold someone’s face without hands, you can’t intertwine your fingers with them, you can’t hug them without arms. So. Yeah. The audacity! /lh

(Come to think of it, Maizey and Gebra don’t have hands either. Shane Madej, sir, I am begging you, please give your LGBTQ+ characters hands!)

Here is another quote: “Let me give you a rundown of some of the sweet sweet sniffs I’ve been dancing with thanks to Scentbird.” Ugh it sounds so charming. It’s just such a charming way to put it. 🌻

He then lists some fragrances and I especially want to mention Confessions of a Rebell - Morning After, and the quote “hot nights never smelled so good”.

I AM ASKING YOU AGAIN

WHY

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME

And again, I won’t go into all the new headcanons and ideas and thoughts I have about these oars and here is the reason - I don’t know how many minors are following me. Like, I don’t want to make this stuff sound too lewd or crass because I think that queer sexuality is already too often seen as something “dirty” instead of something perfectly okay and natural. Still, I will keep some of my thoughts to myself. Let’s just say, I am very fond of... all of this. 😊

Annnnyyyyways, Sword Oar lists a whole lot of other stuff, and I know that he has to talk about the sponsor, but what I am getting from this is, the guy really likes his scents.

He mentions amber+leather, he mentions lavender, and he mentions Gendarme - Sky which is a “complex and sultry blend of bergamot, cardamom and aged leather”, and I now have a few more ideas about what Oar Oar smells like. (Personally, I like “masculine” scents. Wood, leather and the like.)

Watcher has a code again (you can get 30% off). ✨

The last thing I want to mention is this: “you delicious thing, you”. I am not entirely sure if he is talking to the Professor or the audience but I am okay with both. Because a) I already have a headcanon about the oars and the Professor (which I will not talk about here because, again, there are probably some minors following me) and b) ... oh to be called a “delicious thing” by an anthropomorphic gay oar. 😘

That’s it for now. I spent the better part of three hours with this and hey, if you want to do me a favor, be kind to a queer person today (and if you are any flavor of LGBTQ+, please be kind to yourself - you are wonderful). 💖

I did not mean for this whole text to be this emotional and sometimes sad but I don’t mind it either.

Thanks for reading! ✨💕

❤️ 💛 💚 💙 💜

Also, here is some of my older art. Seemed appropriate. ^-^

[toujoursmiraculous]

Thoughts and Reaction to Gang of Secrets!

I'm very late today at writing this because life ;-; You know it's a bigger episode when they start off with a problem. Ladybug doesn't want to detransform so she's desperate to find reasons to remain Ladybug. I love how the entire time, Chat Noir knows something's wrong and wants to get her to talk about what it is, but she just tries to pretend she's fine. If anything, Chat Noir would probably be the best person to talk to considering everything he's dealt with too both with Kagami and his responsibility as Chat! She could mention that she was seeing someone but they broke up because of her secret, and she could tell him how much being the Guardian's having an affect on her. All perfectly well and good without exposing any identities or things like that with questions for details asked. Instead she puts up a front with him and pretends she's okay in front of him and it's just so sad. :/ I understand why she doesn't, probably because she doesn't want him to know how much she's struggling. But ugh my heart hurts for her. Chat: I know where we can go where we won't have to talk! Ladybug: Yes, take me there Chat! *in the theater* Ladybug: You lead me into a trap. I MEAN HE'S NOT WRONG THOUGH! Not many places you can go where it's okay or encouraged to not talk without there being an awkward silence. But that cracked me UP. Also that casual attempt to wrap his arm around her lolol still hasn't give up, I see. I also find it simultaneously hilarious and extremely depressing that Ladybug's ranting like that in the theater because of a romance movie. When your heart is broken, that's probably the last thing you want to be doing. And Chat Noir yanking her down asking that she be quiet 😂 Literally just rants her entire love life out for everyone including Chat to hear in that theater. CHAT NOIR, YOU BETTER BE LISTENING BECAUSE SHE'S TALKING ABOUT ADRIEN HERE "She takes a long time to tell him and stutters and blah blah blah" lol sound familiar, sunshine? If anything please have him recall this later and be like, wait, didn't Ladybug say girls stutter around a guy when she likes him? BAM. Then he's off on his path towards Marinette. I can dream. Ladybug: And how do you know if he loves her? IMPOSSIBLE. Adrien: No, Marinette couldn't possibly be in love with me. *eyetwitch* But at the end of the day. This is Marinette ranting to Adrien about how she had to give up on Adrien and then couldn't make things work with Luka because of her secret. Ooof. And poor Chat having to apologize for everyone because Ladybug's disturbing them XDD THE GIRL SAVES EVERYBODY'S LIVES PRACTICALLY EVERY DAY AND THEY'RE PISSED SHE'S RUINING A MOVIE THEY CAN JUST REWATCH? 😂 She's clearly having a hard time right now, c'mon people! Chat can tell she has a broken heart. This boy is so sweet. He wants her to at least admit that and talk about it so she can feel better but you know, Ladybug's stubborn. I WANT TO GO SWIMMING LET'S GO SWIMMING CHAT, WOO HOOOOOO! Ladybug acting like Chat to hide her pain just like how Chat acts like Chat to hide his pain. YOU KNOW WHAT, IT'S FINE. :') It doesn't matter how much pain she's dealing with, those pictures mean too much to her to remove them. x3 Thanks Juleka for showing us how sad Luka is now, that's very helpful. Marinette's been going into the bathroom at school to cry, and then had planned stupid looking glasses to hide her tears so people wouldn't have to know she's cried because wearing a ridiculous pair of glasses that's embarrassing is better than being asked what's wrong. Because the pain I feel for her wasn't already enough. Ugh I adore Trixx. Trixx being the voice of reason when Tikki's not there, trying to help and letting her know that Tikki may need to rest too when she's so upset it doesn't cross her mind. And the tears in her eyes when she apologizes to Tikki for not thinking of her like she should. ;-; SO MUCH PAIN. OH DANG Alya was literally a second away from seeing a detransforming Marinette lol But she did say DETRANSFORMATION or well in the English dub it'll be "Spots

off" I love Rose, she's really sweet. and considerate But she also shouldn't be touching things in others rooms like that. I never liked it when my friends went around my room touching stuff. Also didn't help that a couple of them stole from me... but it's just not a cool thing to do. Would've probably ended up much better had she not had to desperately hide an exposed Miracle Box. But then we wouldn't have had what happens so it's all good c: Marinette saying she doesn't want to be friends with the girls anymore

It hit Alya deep. Everyone else is like *le gasp* but her eyes all shrunken like that, you can tell it really got to her hard.

This entire exchange right here. Alya's glance at her in the first picture is piercing, like I can feel that OOF feeling in my chest when I see it. The new music dramatizes it so well that a lot of people probably didn't pay attention to it the first time around. Can we just appreciate how these animators got all these emotions so right and did such a good job animating everything for us? And those that work on the music too? Everything's so spot on. Marinette's red-rimmed eyes is so well done. "No, it can't end like this!" Awww Alix getting super upset too x3 I honestly think Alix could be the next one.... you know what I mean BUT I'll wait until the end to talk about it. Trixx pulling a Plagg and rescuing Marinette! x3 I seriously love Trixx, I really do. I know the other Kwami's got mad, but if he hadn't done that it would've been disaster, probably. And the episode wouldn't have ended how it did! And Plagg knowing it was Trixx who caused the Eiffel Tower to be all weird xD Why do I get the feeling the relationship between Trixx and Plagg would be like that of Chat Noir and Rena Rouge? And I want to point out, we got 7 whole seconds of Adrien again! Aren't we lucky? The last time we got so little of Adrien in an episode was when we had his parallel episode Lies. I don't think that'll happen this time but I do hope it means more Adrien later on. Ladybug: They're after Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Chat Noir: Okay but remember everybody likes her (so don't go thinking she's a bad person for causing their akumatizations) Yes, I read between the lines. Ladybug being able to get through to Lady Wifi and have her deakumatize herself was absolutely amazing! I know Chloe was the first to fight off being akumatized but once you're akumatized it's obviously extremely hard to break. That says a lot about Alya. "Because you're an incredible friend, Ladybug." One, AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW Two, did you notice the little jerk of her head, gesturing to Ladybug like that when she said it?? It's the little details guys that make this so good. 😍 "Chat Noir, nooooo!" Guys, we got our tiny little Marichat scene! It's not actually real, but still! (okay but why do I also get this really weird feeling like something like this may end up being real later?) Alya giving Ladybug that hug 😭 Marinette has such good, supportive friends. I love them all. x.x YES THANK YOU. Alya's finally realizing there are more things going on with her than just boys. One of the things that's always irked me since Chameleon is that any issue Marinette has, be it with Lila or otherwise, she always assumes it has to do with Adrien. Of course, at the time she didn't know she was Ladybug but she should've still listened and realized there's something else up. But now she finally is noticing and I love how she was going to respect her regardless and not push. Pushing has always been one of Alya's characteristics, but she knew whatever it was was something too big and serious to push her on. "Marinette, I'm your best friend, and I always will be." 😭😭😭 This episode brought me so close to tears so many times. Marinette admitting she's keeping secrets, lying to everyone. Admitting that that's why she draws a line between her and Adrien, and why her and Luka didn't work out. Alya saying however heavy it is, they'll carry it together (MY HEART) And then Marinette saying "If I tell you, things between us will never be the same. It's going to destroy everything, change it all." It sounds like this girl is thinking about Chat Blanc and oop there's the sound of my heart breaking again. So much paaaain. "Je suis Ladybug." YESSSSSSS Why they had to leave it off on a cliffhanger But YESSSSSSS First, the expressions she had flash on her face, the gasp 😮, then the expression like she's trying to get her mind to process. Then if you notice, Marinette gives a little nod, as if letting her know that it's true. Then the way her eyebrows furrow and pulls her into the hug as she understands all that she has on her shoulders as that music plays. I'm getting

emotional just writing this. 😭 This episode is just so amazingly good in so many ways, I don't think I can actually cover it all. I'm very impressed. I've loved nearly every episode this show has put out, even those that a lot of people seem to hate. But this one, I don't see how this could actually be hated if you're trying to think of everything that happened from Marinette's point of view, her thoughts, feelings, struggles, depression. I will say, personally I hoped Chat Noir would learn who Ladybug is first. He's been such a good partner, very thoughtful, always putting his life on the line. He's also been dealing with a lot of the same struggles. I felt like he deserved to know first. However, this isn't about who deserves what, it's about what Marinette needs. It's not that she doesn't want to tell him who she is! Don't misunderstand. There are many times throughout the past 3 seasons where she wants to or regrets not being able to. But now, Chat Blanc's in her mind. She knows what could happen if she tells him with Hawk Moth still there, so she can't do it. So instead, she tries to pretend in front of him that she's fine even though talking to him about everything would help and fix so much. In her mind, that's not an option. I just hope that when he finds out she told someone else first, he doesn't think that she doesn't trust him enough to tell him. Next I thought maybe Alix. That way it'd be more understandable to Chat that she'd know, after all future Bunnyx clearly knows and said to Ladybug that she chose her because she's capable of keeping secrets (notice how Alya said that to Ladybug in the alley? I bet Alix will find out in the near future. Maybe not this season, but she'll find out.) But that's for another time. But now Alya knows! Her best friend, the one to have her back and will no doubt have it even more so now! Watch out, Lila. Alya doesn't hold back so I can imagine how vicious she could be to her (and I can't wait). And that brings up a very interesting thought. Alya will realize Adrien has been the only one to have her back in Lila situations. Why would he do that, hmm? When everyone else was so sure Lila's an angel and Marinette must be bad for saying anything negative about her. Journalist Alya, incoming! There's also the matters of Alya bringing up Marinette's feelings for Chat Noir because duh, everybody can see how much she loves him! There are even photos of them kissing, one of which happened in front of Alya's own eyes! Though affected by an akuma, they all know that kiss didn't happen because of it. And of course, Alya has brought up twice in the show so far that Adrien and Chat Noir could be the same person. And last time Alya said that neither of them could be Ladybug and Chat Noir. Except, she's now found out that Marinette is Ladybug. So maybe Adrien could after all be Chat Noir. I look forward to seeing how their new dynamic is. I wonder how this affects their relationship with the other girls. And I'm most curious about how Nino and Adrien may react to this change. I thought during Truth and Lies both that their best friends were going to find out about their breakups. Gang of Secrets was Alya finding out. Even though I feel like another parallel episode is just wishful thinking, I can't help but think it may be a possibility. Nino and the boys are going to wonder what's up with Adrien too. They're going to wonder why he's not with Kagami anymore so suddenly. So what if i the end, Chat Noir ends up telling Nino? I could see it, if this takes place shortly after Gang of Secrets, where she tells Chat that she's confided her identity in a very close friend and somehow they agree that he can tell someone too that he trusts to make it fair. It'd be an amazing way to exercise Ladybug's trust in Chat Noir too. Then we'd have both Alya and Nino in on it, keeping their best friend's secrets for them without knowing about the other one. Oh that'd be so beautiful! And also let them keep their Miraculouses too after the charms are given to them and Alya has the ability to break

free after being akumatized. I adore Rena and Carapace so much I'd be ecstatic if they kept them. 😭 Anyway, so much potential can come out of this episode and I honestly cannot wait until episode 4!!

[whentheynameyoujoy]

So the ATLA Movie Is... Good, Actually?

Just kidding, of course it’s not, it’s so bad it sucked the paint off my walls. But after ten years of people pointing out its glaring flaws, why would anyone bother talking about this garbage heap if not to go the other direction? So here’s a very brief and very superficial list of things the movie does get kinda... not atrociously wrong.

And they won’t be fake hipster pokes, like “It’s fun to laugh at”, “The Rifftrax for this is OK”, or “Kudos to the actress for managing to say we believe in our beliefs as much as they believe in theirs with a straight face”.

(though now that I mentioned it, it is fun to laugh at, the Rifftrax for this is OK, and massive props indeed.)

Rasta Iroh

Yes, I know it’s not exactly the aesthetic of the real Iroh or that it makes no cultural sense for him to sport this do when no one else in the racebended Indian “OMFG what were you thinking Shyamalan” Nation does but goddamn, long-haired dudes are my one mortal weakness and I will ogle the hell out of him.

Jesus is that a man bun I see that’s it mum I’ve been deaded

Yue’s hair

No.

Now we’re talking. Yue’s hair turned white when the Moon spirit gave her life, so it makes sense for it to go black again when she sacrifices herself to revive the koi fish. It’s a neat detail I find myself expecting whenever I rewatch the scene in the show. Yes, I realize it’d be a pointless hassle to animate since she, unlike in the movie, immediately goes on to become the Moon herself but still. I like.

The Blue Spirit’s mop

Zuko, hun, what’s with the dance-off?

First of all, I want to imagine that Zuko the Theatre Nerd was about to leave his ship with just the mask like in the show but then stuck his head into the cleaning cupboard and went, “Yeah, more coverage might be good, even though it do seem mighty fried to shit”.

Which makes me giggle. I like to giggle.

And secondly, the hair’s movement is what makes the static mess of the Blue Spirit’s solo fight scene appear at least bit more dynamic because God knows the cinematography isn’t doing it.

Any particular reason why it’s at the edge of the action, shot all boring-like?

Now, I get why circular shots would be reserved for Aang while he’s in the practice area and then used once the two join forces. What I don’t get is why Aang’s part of the action scene has a defined visual style while Zuko’s delegated to a few stationary wide shots from afar as though he’s a tertiary goon, meaning that when the time comes to combine the respective pieces of cinema language and visually convey collaboration, there’s not really much to combine.

But as long as Zuko is stuck in this static mess, it’s that awesome disaster on his head flopping about that draws the eye, helping me understand that something even is going on over there.

It also prevents me from paying much attention to how the extras are mostly just staying put and a lot of the hits don’t land, so that’s good.

The music slaps

James Newton Howard is too good for this.

Pls ignore that the word “gods” is used in the ATLA universe

I can’t be the only one who constantly uses this piece to daydream about writing specific fanfic scenes instead of, you know, actually sitting down and writing them. It’s just so good at communicating a sense of sorrow while speaking of rebirth that I find myself getting misty-eyed whenever I listen to it. Unfailingly, the soundtrack as a whole manages to break through the mile-thick crust of horrible acting, confusing writing, and uninspired cinematography and make me feel things. And considering how everything on screen is working against it, that’s no small feat.

Imagine what a powerful experience it would be if the score was used in service of an actual movie.

Dev Patel

No wonder since he’s the only one in the film occupying that crucial intersection between “is a good actor” and “was given something to work with”. It also doesn’t hurt that he breaks with the trend of actors starring in martial arts flicks despite never having done any martial art.

And all EIP-jokes about “stiff and humorless” aside, he’s a pretty decent Zuko considering how abridged this version of the character is. A while ago, I remember hearing a reviewer say that with his comedic chops, Patel should have been cast as Sokka. And on one hand, yes, god, absolutely, I need to see that asap. But on the other? He captures all layers of Book 1!Zuko, the desperate obsession, rage, and self-loathing, and at the same time gives you a peek at the soft momma’s boy dork that’s buried underneath. For Christ sakes, he exudes intensity and ambivalence even when acting against an emotionless hunk of wood that’s giving him nothing in return.

Oh, and I guess there’s a tree in the frame.

Ba dum tss

What can I say, the guy’s good.

Showing vs telling

OK, so this movie is all tell and no show, except for one single moment. And it’s the exact moment where the original goes in the other direction in terms of how information is conveyed.

See, I never liked this. The revelation is preceded by Iroh giving advice to Zuko who scolds him for nagging. Iroh then apologizes, moves in to say the line above, and is interrupted by Zuko who seems rather uncomfortable with Iroh laying his feelings out like this. And once they’re out, Zuko verbally confirms that he knew already and Iroh didn’t need to bother.

All this extraneous information and pussyfooting ends up weakening what should be a profound scene that reveals to us, the viewers, how deep the relationship between these two in fact runs.

Compare to the movie where Dadroh acts like a parent by fussing and worrying, with Sonion needing a single look to tell him and us that he understands what it’s all really about.

It’s genuinely efficient and just good.

No Cataang

Fine, a bit mean-girl bitchy from me since I only start minding the ship in Book 3. And probably unintentional on the part of the creators since there are moments where I think they’re trying to set the romance up? There’s a, well, an attempt to recreate the famous introductory shot of fateful meaningful destiny of meaningness, there’s some slight note of saving each other’s bacon going on, I’m pretty sure they’re the only ones in the film who smile, and oh, right, Katara’s shoved into her post-canon useless role where she doesn’t ever do anything, and is all about Aang right from the get go.

Yes, I will blame the “executive producers” because a) I’m incredibly petty, and b) it’s perfectly in line with their vision of the character so why the hell not.

Hilariously, none of it reads on screen because the actors are just... yeah. These poor kids are struggling so much with delivering their own lines and portraying their own characters they don’t seem to have any strength left to create something between them. To be fair, the bare-bones shot-reverse shot style of their scenes doesn’t exactly lend itself to the idea they occupy the same universe, let alone are friends or each other’s crushes.

And I enjoy this immensely because it allows me to forget the depressing horror show Katara’s life turns into post ATLA.

Yes Zutara

I need to delve into this because it’s fucking hilarious. So in a movie which fails to establish the original’s central romance so spectacularly that if Aang got lost in a crowd I don’t believe Katara would notice, SomEOnE thought it’d be a good idea to add an utterly unnecessary non-canon moment where Zuko for some reason feels the need to pause his character-defining hunt for the Avatar which otherwise has him ignore everything and snap at everyone, and explain his central conflict to an unconscious peasant he doesn’t know, complete with gently pushing the hair from the pretty girl’s the soulmate’s the Water Tribe Ambassador’s the Fire Lady’s the love of his life’s her face away, AFTER his uncle nagged him twice to find a girl and settle down.

I just wanted to make sure we’re all on the same page and this is what we really saw.

Celibate Avatars

I have no idea why the decision was made, if TPTB thought expecting viewers to understand the story through the lens of Buddhism would be too much, or if the “executive producers” already worked their retconny magic. What I do know, however, is that there’s a big shift in worldbuilding and Aang’s struggle with his role as the Avatar stops being a personal conflict defined by a) his grief for Air Nomads, b) his notion of being robbed of the loved ones in his life, and c) the selfish attachment to Katara he confuses with true love. Instead, what he has a difficulty to accept is apparently a general notion of who Avatars are supposed to be, i.e. a fantasy version of Catholic monks, no family and worldly relations, period.

I guess either someone understood the original’s portrayal of de/attachment as “hermit no freaky”, or thought the audience would so why not go there outright.

Now, do I like this on its own? No, God no, it makes the world infinitely poorer and changes the story from an exploration of ideas which aren’t all that ingrained in the West, to a cliché tropester about a Catholic priest going Protestant so that he could be with a girl.

At least I assume that’s where they were going to take this eventually.

I mean, I think the direction was “look conflicted, this isn’t the final stage of your journey”?

But consider this—the show went there, it built on the concepts of Eastern philosophy and touched upon the ideas of spiritual awakening, only to swerve in the end and strongly imply they’re bullshit and Aang should have never wasted his time with them.

So honestly, I much prefer scanty worldbuilding to an insulting retcon by a damn rock.

Multiracial Air Nomads

Probably the most substantial “no hint of irony” point on this list and a genuinely good addition to the universe’s worldbuilding.

See, the notion of the elemental nations being perfectly separate and never mingling before Sozin has always been sketchy but it’s especially ridiculous in the case of airbenders. It never made sense to me for all airbenders to be Air Nomads and for all Air Nomads to be monks and for all monks to be chilling at the temples all the time to facilitate a quick everyone-dies genocide should an imperialistic warlord ever decide to commit one.

Because committing everyone to a single way of life at a handful of places kinda goes against the central philosophy behind airbending. Like the freedom and nomadism part.

Instead, there should be more variety to the airbending culture, with some staying at the temples as monks, hermits, and teachers while others live as nomads, travelling the world and creating more airbenders, with the resulting children in turn being influenced by the non-airbending cultures they grew up in.

And thus, not only should airbenders not be modeled after a single culture to create a one-size-fits-all lifestyle, but they should have the most diverse and dynamic culture out of the four nations.

And it’d be precisely this diversity which would pave way for an eventual reveal that some of them survived, that their complete extermination is impossible.

Because they’re everywhere.

You know.

Like air.

[youngjusticeslut]

I personally feel like all the narration and Garfield just make this ark impossible to rewatch I love the magic and the concept but it gets broken up so much and is hard to deal with, as well as that Vandal Savage just felt tacked on, Perdita should not have given up on Gar, she should have made him get help like he said, I also am annoyed that we got to see so little of Child's power she was so strong yet badly explored, I just hate how the plot was slowed down to put the characters through a magic character development and explanation of lore room instead of showing it, alongside that Mary's fall from grace was so forced with there only being 3 scenes to explain it. This arc feels like it purely exists to move the wider plot forward with addressing the characters. I liked the show still and the action was great but the arc has so many flaws honestly. How I feel about this is just me wondering why they took an event that an entire season could be based around and shoved it into a 5 episode box, it just buckles under the weight of the plot in my opinion.

I agree with some of your thoughts, and I disagree with some. I do think that the narration and Garfield's b-story were huge negatives during this plot and really dragged it down. I completely disagree on Perdita. It is not her responsibility to force Garfield into something that he isn't interested in doing. We also don't know if after she left, she called Black Canary or told someone about his extreme depression, but it's really not her job to 'fix' him, and that's a dangerous mindset to get into. She was right, if Garfield isn't willing to take the first step and help himself, she isn't going to sit here and watch him hurt himself. Child was absolutely OP and I knew I would hate however way she was defeated because I knew it would feel rushed and far too convenient, which it did. I disagree that Mary's fall from grace was forced, there were implications that she has a toxic relationship with power. On the other hand, I do think it's a disservice to spend an episode where it shows she's moved past this issue only for her to fall back into old tendencies. But this speaks more to the fact that I think that whole thing focused on the sentinels was not that great™️. The thing about this arc feeling like it was there to move the plot forward is not unique to this arc, haha. The ending of Artemis arc felt the exact same way. If it was really tightened down, this arc could have been 3-4 episodes, max. It didn't need five, and the fact that it did wasted so much unnecessary time.

[thehours2002]

Honestly, I am glad there is more discussion in fandom about how the Big Bad is ultimately American Imperialism. Sometimes I feel like I am projecting since my family is Southeast Asian (parents' generation is around Johnny and Daniel's age and came to America during the 80's, which yeah...), so it feels good to know I'm not the only one who sees it. Kreese and Silver are compelling villains to me because like, putting aside their more batshit behavior, the narrative is very much like "these men are Terrible and also not at all outliers among those brought up in their masculine militarized environment." I have mixed feelings about the Vietnam flashbacks in Cobra Kai though. I understand they were there to place them within that cycle of generational trauma, but centering most of it around a POW camp gives me real "I was hurt by Asians so that's why I'm racist" vibes. I think a more convincing "start of darkness" for them would have been being ordered to kill civilians or leaving behind their local allies to die and then later justifying to themselves it was okay because these people were lesser than them. I realize that's probably way too depressing for a show like Cobra Kai and I do not trust the ability of the writers to Go There, but also like why have Vietnam flashbacks at all then?

i'll be real with you--i was barely paying attention for the flashback scenes and i showed great restraint in not skipping them entirely, but i will probably have more to say when i rewatch.

this is not to belittle your point at all because it's all there in the text, but it is so amusing to entertain the thought that the cobra kai writers would consider american imperialism the Big Bad. they are smart about some things but dumb about most things. maybe part of the disconnect is that they don't realize that what THEY consider as the Big Bad--toxic masculinity, because that's basic enough and talked about in pop culture enough for them to have a grasp of--is connected to imperialism and colonization. i think the robert mark kamen did think of imperialism as the Big Bad in the movies, but i haven't noticed enough in the show to suggest the writers are making those connections... otherwise there might be more to miguel, carmen, and rosa being a poor family from ecuador. like, there's a connection to be made between them fleeing the global south and the representation of the american presence in asia in the franchise (vietnam war, u.s. military base in okinawa, etc.)

[jovialluminaryalpaca]

Okay, Long Rant time.

Lee Suho and my thoughts

I'll be talking mostly about drama Suho

Tw// mention of suicide, depression, death

Honestly, I am so done with all people putting Suho down and using excuses like

"He was boring" "He had no personality" "Han Seojun was way better."

No. Wait. Hold on.

First of all, Lee Suho as a character is a complex personality both in the webtoon in the drama. Now, take a step back and imagine how would it be like if you were in his place?

Can you imagine being a kid watching your mother die slowly and then watch your own father cheat on your mother with some other woman?

He was a kid, for God's sake and no one thought about it that way. He closed himself off and distanced himself from others and avoided getting too attached to anyone except for this one girl he found at the comicbook store but she ended moving away from that place.

Many years later, he found two friends, Seojun and Seyeon. He slowly opened up to them and they became an important part of his life and just when he thought that things are fine, one of his friends committed suicide and as if that itself was not enough and he wasn't already overwhelmed with guilt, Seojun showing up, blaming him and calling him a murderer made things worse for him and that's how in a very short period of time, he lost another friend.

Can you imagine that happening around you?

Honestly, I can't.

Even if I love Han Seojun as a character, I'll never truly forgive him for not hearing Suho out and blaming him and breaking things off instead of sorting the problems out.

After years of blaming himself, suffering from PTSD and depression to the point that he got panic and anxiety attacks, he continued to distance himself from others and became this cold distant guy because he didn't want people to warm up to him and the thought of losing the people (who he grows close to) in the future haunted him. He also considered himself the worst kind of person and didn't bother to let people think otherwise.

I understand that he was kinda rude to Jugyeong in the start but when he understood what he is doing, he stopped doing it and apologised. But somewhere he was still scared of hurting her or losing her that's the reason why he immediately shut himself off after Seojun not very kindly reminded of that one thing he already blamed himself for and told her things that would push her away even when it hurt him.

He was scared to go ahead with his instincts and you can see him just stand in the background and do nothing at times, but then he eventually decided to confess what he felt and much to his luck she liked him back. He got that happiness he craved for since he was a kid through her and was it wrong?

No. Because she was healing his broken state and he was healing hers.

And just like that when things seemed to good for them, a sequence of events unfolded themselves before them. Him getting involved in an accident, that scene where he was about to get hit by the car, the expression on his face screamed that he was alright with his life ending right then and that broke my heart. He blamed himself that much for something which was not even his fault. His confrontation with his father where in he finally lets it all out, that scene made me feel terrible for him, he went through so much pain and suffering for so long and yet again when he was settling and accepting things around them, Jugyeong's secret came out and he literally ran around to make sure she was okay, idc if you are team Seojun but if you tell that he didn't care enough, rewatch the entire show. :)

Through all of this, Suho tried his best to learn from his mistakes and to come out of his little anti social shell. He was finally learning to find happiness in the moments while they lasted.

And because well his bad luck loves him, his father ended up in a hospital in a country far away from his hometown with no one familiar and the worst thing was parting from the people he cared about, Seojun and Jugyeong.

If you tell me that he was the one who broke up, do you try to think why did he?

Again, imagine yourself in his shoes, your faraway, like almost more than 12 hours away from someone you love and that person is in their hometown staying up all night waiting for your call and ending up sick because of doing so. It was obvious he felt the guilt of making her suffer like that, so he broke it off. Now, Jugyeong had friends by her side and her family but him? He had no one, just a few people from his dad's company and doctors. He was literally in an unfamiliar country surrounded with strangers.

Imagine getting up everyday and finding yourself in the same place. I can't imagine how hard it was for him to be like that but he went through it for almost more than one year.

He deserved happiness and what was wrong with it if he found through Jugyeong?

But what I truly love about his character is how he loves and cares with all his heart and is loyal to the core. I mean seriously. Also the way he changed and learned from all the mistakes he made and was the first to apologise and actually change makes me love him even more.

Also, I get it if you dislike Suho, but don't hate on Cha Eunwoo, he did his best to portray the character the way it was written and according to me, he did an amazing job.