#thought of hearing his voice / talking to him rn makes me wanna tear my throat out yk

[cloudboba]

alexa how do i cope w crushing feelings of guilt / shame / worthlessness / self limitation thx

[i-arch-my-backula]

They don’t care right?: Poly!Eddie Munson and Steve Harrington x gn reader

I’m back in a depressive episode which is so very fun for me. I also feel sick and I can’t sleep so this is so much fun. I needed to write out how I feel without bawling my eyes out so here’s this. Might be more angsty than what I usually write but whatever is what I’m feeling rn. I don’t love how this turned out but it’s better than nothing. 

Warnings: Strong language, angst, emotionally unstable reader

God how long has it been now? You’ve been in the depressive episode for what now? Two weeks? You’ve barely done anything except go to work and come back home and do nothing. You’ve seen your boyfriends once in those two weeks compared to your daily visits before. They call. They call a lot. They say they care. You want to believe that they do. But that nagging voice in your mind tells you otherwise. ‘They don’t really care about you. They just feel bad and don’t wanna upset a pathetic person like you.’ Every time they suggest hanging out you have to cancel. They know you’re lying about having things to do, you just can’t do anything anymore. ‘If they really wanted to see you they’d come over and do it.’ That voice says again. God you wish you just didn’t have thoughts anymore. 

You’re back to doing what you normally do these days. Laying on the couch or in your bed. You hear a knock on the door and sign. You run your fingers through your hair and try to make yourself look somewhat presentable for whatever kind of sales person is at your door today. When you get there you find Eddie and Steve waiting for you. Eddie is biting at his nails and Steve has his arms crossed. ‘They’re here. That means they do care.’ ‘It doesn’t matter don’t bother them with whatever you’re dealing with. No one can help you with that anymore.’ You stand there for a few more seconds not knowing what to do. 

“Y/N we need to talk with you.” Steve says. Your heart sinks at his tone. You can tell what’s coming next. These episodes always lead to the same thing, a break up. You nod. 

“Yeah well um come in.” You step to the side and they walk in. The three of you go to your kitchen. Eddie leans on the counter and Steve stands, arms still crossed. They keep giving each other glances. God why won’t they just say it already? You know they lost interest. So why even come here? This could have been a phone call. 

“Y/N are you ok? Like do you need to see a doctor?” Eddie asks. You shake your head. 

“I know why you’re here. I know I’ve been distant for these few weeks and I know whats coming next.” They exchange another glance. 

“What do you think we’re here for?” Steve asks. 

“You want to break up. I’m too distant and hard to handle now. I understand.” You say. Eddie is quick to shake his head and stand up. 

“Doll we’re not here to break up with you. We’re here because we’re worried. We wanna know how we can help.” He says. You feel a lump form in your throat when he says those words. That voice is coming back again. ‘He’s lying. You spoke too soon and now they’re trying to take it back.’ 

“I’m fine I don’t need help.” You say shaking your head. Steve speaks next. 

“Y/N we can see you’re not alright. We’re not mad at you,” ‘he’s lying’ “We want to help you.” ‘Lying’ 

“I said I’m fine ok? I really am.” You can feel the tears start to form. ‘Don’t cry in front of them. If you cry it’s over. You’re done.’ 

“You’re not. Don’t lie to us. Why haven’t you asked us for help?” Eddie asks. He starts to move from the counter to you. ‘God don’t get closer please. You’ll break if he touches you. Don’t let him touch you.’ But as he gets closer you freeze up in your place. “Y/N we’re here for you, let us help.” He finally puts a hand on your shoulder and you can’t hold it back anymore. You let out a sob and pull yourself into Eddies chest. You cry ugly tears into Eddies chest and he lets you. He puts his hands on your back and hugs you. Steve comes over and puts his hand on your back too. 

“We’re sorry we didn’t help sooner hun. We’re here now ok? Anything you need we’ll get you.” Steve says. When you move your face from Eddies chest his shirt is stained with tears and snot, but he doesn’t care. Steve takes you to your couch while Eddie gets you some water. You rest your head on Steve’s shoulder and wait for Eddie. 

“I get like this sometimes. I can’t do things on my own, I just lay in bed all day and do nothing. I hate it so much but I get stuck in it. I needed your help but I didn’t know how to ask.” Steve holds you hand while Eddie walks in. He hands you a glass of water and you didn’t even notice how dry your throat was until you took a sip of it. You quickly drink all of it and Steve takes the glass back from you. He sets it down and you take Eddies hand. You look over at him as he wipes tears from your face. 

“Doll I never want you to bottle up those emotions again ok? You always come get us if you ever need help.” You give him a weak smile and nod. 

“I will. I promise I will.” 

[isthisthingeven0n]

volunteering at its finest : s.r

spencer ‘volunteers’ to babysit henry whilst you and the girls have a needed girls night, except the night lasts a lot longer than any of you anticipated (2.2k)

* also i have an etsy shop where i sell some criminal minds tote bags and prints. if you wanna check it out i’ll leave the link here (i’ve also got a labour day sale happening rn til the 8th!) *

“Please do not tell me you’ve forgotten about girls night that I’ve had in my calendar for the last five weeks?” Penelope focuses on JJ through the monitor who slowly lowers her phone before glancing over to you.

“I, I didn’t forget,” JJ starts, causing both you and Emily to hold your laughs as she tries to ease her way out.

“You don’t sound so sure, J.” You comment, quickly feeling a rolled-up newspaper swatting your arm as you head towards the jet.

“It’s not that I forgot, it’s just the first time Will has been away in months and it just slipped my mind.” JJ tries to reason as you board the jet before you sit down opposite her and Emily, awaiting the wrath of Penelope Garcia once you return to base.

“What slipped your mind?” Spencer pitches in as he sits down beside you, a bright smile crossing his lips as you lean against him. “Hey,” He mutters to you, and JJ glances to Emily, still shocked that the pair of you owned up to your feelings six months ago after pining over one another for two years.

Patting Spencer’s arm lightly, you shrug it off. “Just girls night tonight.” You begin to explain, noticing Spencer furrowing his eyebrows together. “What?”

“I thought we were going to watch the Doctor Who marathon tonight?” He questions quietly, watching as a look of guilt consumes your expression.

“That was this today?” You weakly ask back as Spencer simply nods. “Oh, Spence,” You mutter, but Emily kindly butts in to save your ass once again.

“What if you watched it at JJ’s,” Emily begins, and you focus on her with a raised brow. “babysitting Henry?”

JJ scoffs lightly. “Spence, you’ve never babysat on your own before.” She looks over to the Godfather of her son, one of her best friends who could talk his way out of most things, but babysitting is another level.

“What? I could easily do it.” Spencer states proudly, forcing himself to sit taller in his seat as Rossi glances over, lowering the case file from his view. “I’ve watched Home Alone with Y/n, I know exactly what not to do. And I’ve read sixteen books on parenting.” He quickly adds, and Emily quips an eyebrow to you.

“I didn’t know that.” You mutter under your breath, just as JJ laughs playfully at Spencer’s antics.

“Just let the kid babysit, he clearly wants to.” Rossi pitches in, and Spencer smiles brightly at Rossi’s reassurance.

“Think of girls night.” Emily chuckles, and JJ looks over to you with concern before focusing back to Spencer, nodding to the proposition. “It’ll only be a couple of hours.” Emily quickly adds, and Spencer grins brightly.

“What’s the worst that could happen?” Spencer nudges your side as JJ shakes her head, wondering what she’s about to let lose.

***

“I still can’t get over the fact Spence offered,” Penelope states as she brings over your drinks to the table, placing them down as you eye Emily who shrugs her shoulders.

“Spencer is a good guy like that,” Emily snickers, and you nudge her playfully before sipping your drink.

As you swallow, you can’t help but cough and widen your eyes to Penelope who happily downs her cocktail. “Shit, Pen, what is in this? Battery acid?” You remark, sniffing it as JJ sips hers, quickly having the same reaction.

“No,” Penelope shakes her head as a scoff leaves her lips. “but it is called ‘Poison Ivy.’”

You raise an eyebrow, clearly intrigued as Emily downs the last of her previous drink, slamming the glass down before heading back to the bar. “Anyone want another one? I saw there’s a deal on certain drinks.” Emily calls out, not giving any of you a chance to answer before she disappears to the bar.

“God, if Spencer was here he’d happily list off some facts about the DC character Poison Ivy.” You sigh, wondering how he’s managing with little Henry.

“I’m sure he’s doing fine, Y/n.” Penelope reaches out, and you nod. “How’re you holding up Jayj?”

Turning your head, you see JJ finishing off the remainder of your drink as she places it next to her empty glass.

“What?” JJ slurs, lifting her head up as her eyes cloud over.

“Yeah, I think JJ has past worried and is in denial.” You mutter to Penelope who wisely nods in agreement.

Emily quickly returns with more drinks which JJ gladly accepts. “So, Y/n,” Emily rests her elbows on the table, focusing directly on you as you swallow the lump in your throat. “when are you going to tell us about the good Doctor huh?” She jokes and you laugh lightly, taking one of the four shots.

Placing the empty shot glass down, you wince as the burn descends down your throat. “Maybe after four more of these,” You cough, and Emily signals to the bartender to bring a few more rounds.

*

“Come on, we gotta get into the taxi,” Penelope tries her best to take charge as you help JJ to her feet along with Emily who is as much help as Spencer with his gun.

“Pen, can you take Emily? I’ll help JJ.” Despite still being drunk, you can focus on Penelope long enough to see only two of her as she nods and a blur of colour crosses your vision.

JJ’s head hits your shoulder, and you hear her hum. “Y/n?” JJ slurs and you hold her head up as you reach the exit to the bar, seeing the taxi feet away.

“It’s okay, J, the taxi isn’t far.” You rub her arm as she shakes her head and quickly darts out of your arms and hauls her body against a wall as she vomits violently.

“God, least I’m not that bad.” Emily laughs, unaware of who is being sick until JJ lifts herself back up, swaying back into your direction as she wipes her face. “Oh, hey JJ.” Emily waves as JJ groans loudly before climbing into the taxi after you.

“Where to ladies?” The driver speaks up as the doors are finally closed, and Penelope fastens her seatbelt in beside the driver.

You completely zone out as Penelope gives the driver her address, and miss the ringing of your phone. Little do you know, that missed call would become the first of many throughout the rest of the night - not that you’d know until sunrise.

“Thank you, Craig!” Penelope waves the driver off as you laugh hysterically with Emily about something Spencer once did during a date he organised.

“He just, he was so sweet, but got it so wrong,” You wipe your eyes as tears fall whilst Penelope helps JJ up the stairs as you and Emily trail behind. “I just didn’t have the heart to tell him I had no interest in seeing Twilight, only Robert Pattinson.” You sigh, remembering how excited he was to take you to the cinema to see something not only in English but current.

“Spencer means well, I think his big ol’ brain gets in the way sometimes.” Emily comments as you reach Penelope’s apartment, barely having the chance to take it all in before you’re given a wine glass that’s being filled.

“Oh, Pen I can’t.” You whine, feeling a headache already in the works, but Penelope Garcia is not one to take no for an answer- especially on girls night.

“Let me ask you, ladies,” Penelope starts, and now you wish you just kept quiet. “when was our last girls night?”

Penelope watches as you all exchange glances, no one knowing the answer. “Like, a year ago?” Emily guesses, receiving a quick scoff from Penelope.

“Two and a half years ago.” Penelope states. “We’ve had team nights out, but not a girls night.” She adds as Emily collapses onto the sofa whilst maintaining a full glass of wine. “So, I’m making up for lost time,” Penelope lifts her glass up as she looks around at the three of you, just about hanging in there. “to the ladies of the BAU.”

With a cheer, your night carries on with more laughter and embarrassing memories whilst Spencer is having less of an enjoyable evening with his godson.

*

“Y/n, this is the tenth message I’ve left you after leaving fifteen to JJ, five to Emily and twenty-six to Garcia. You better not have died on me as I’ve rung every hospital in the district and have had Kevin hack Garcia’s phone to find her location.” Spencer sighs as he paces around the living room whilst Henry remains sound asleep in his bed.

Part of Spencer knows he’s being irrational, but it isn’t like you to not even answer a text let alone a phone call. He’s so used to you being on hand whenever- especially with the line of work you both do. So when you don’t answer, he can’t help but allow his mind to spiral into the dark depths of misfortune.

Glancing out of the window, Spencer could tell without looking at a clock it was almost sunrise. Approximately 5:37 in the morning and you along with the others were nowhere to be seen.

With a small sigh, Spencer dials your number once more, only to hear movement outside of JJ’s house and he tenses.

Reaching over into his satchel, Spencer grabs his gun as he hides by the living room door, hearing movement of the front door opening as hushed voices sound throughout the hallway.

“God, he’s going to hate me, isn’t he?” You wince at the thought of Spencer scolding you for not getting back to him after you reviewed the dozens of messages and voicemails when you woke up twenty minutes ago.

JJ wraps her arms around you, bringing you into a hug but also to stabilise herself to stop the room spinning. “Spencer couldn’t possibly hate you, Y/n.” She assures you, seeing Spencer peer his head out from the corner of the living room and lower his gun. “That boy loves you more than you realise.”

Pulling away from JJ’s embrace, you sigh deeply into your hands. “I love him J, I just worry sometimes.” You mutter, unaware of Spencer standing behind you as his heart sinks. 

“You should tell him, Y/n.” JJ motions and you tense up, silently swearing before you turn around to face your rather tired looking boyfriend. “I’ll go check on Henry.” JJ mutters, quickly passing you both and heads up the stairs with caution. 

“I could never hate you, Y/n.” Spencer starts, “I was just worried about you and your safety.” He explains as he reaches out, resting his hand on your upper arm. “Did you have fun?” 

A small laugh leaves your lips as you nod. “Yeah,” You chuckle, focusing on the tired look in his hazel eyes. “I, I love you Spence.” You tell him as you fall into his arms, exhaustion beginning to take over your body as Spencer’s chuckle vibrates against your body. 

“I love you too, Y/n. Come on, you need to get some sleep.” Spencer guides you to the living room and you fall down with ease onto the couch. “Did you know the human body requires at least-”

Holding a finger up to Spencer, he pauses. “Spence, as much as I adore you and your facts, they are the last thing I need right now.” 

“Alright,” Spencer gives in as he pulls a blanket over you, ignoring the smudged and dried mascara beneath your eyes and the lingering smell of cocktails on your clothing. “I’ll see you in an hour.” He mutters as he wanders out to make some coffee, knowing you’d need it once you woke back up. 

*

“This is hell.” You state as you heavily lean against the railing alongside the girls whilst voices cheer around you, including Spencer. “I blame you, Pen.” 

Penelope merely groans as she pushes her sunglasses further up her face. 

“A couple of hours! No big deal!” Spencer emphasises as you roll your eyes, burying your face in your hands once again as he carries on cheering for the runners as they pass you all by in a blur. “You weren’t home until sunrise!”

“Why are you yelling.” JJ comments flatly whilst Derek glances over, holding his laugh in as he keeps Jack on his shoulders. 

“Make him stop.” Emily adds, and you nudge your boyfriend as he stops waving his flag frantically and focuses on you. 

“Next time, I’m either joining you in babysitting or you’re joining girls night.” You tell Spencer who smiles down at you before wrapping an arm around you, holding you close as you weakly smile through the pain of your hangover. 

“Deal.” Spencer leans down, kissing you softly before the cheers of your team increase as Hotch reaches the finish line. “Come on, I think breakfast is in order.” Spencer guides you away from the railing as you rely on him heavily as the girls follow behind. 

“Girls night happens every two years for a reason, I take it, baby girl?” Derek jokes as Penelope shushes him as you all gather around to celebrate Hotch’s achievement and block out the blur that last night has left on your memories. 

“What happens on girls night, stays on girls night.” Penelope simply states, refusing to say anymore as you walk ahead with Spencer, discussing more about his latest read, ‘Parenting 101.’ 

[cals-sunflower]

gonna get better (a.i)

summary: a relationship is worth way more fighting for then giving up.

-

“ashton, all i fucking asked was for you to be there! i’m basically living alone at this point. why can’t you see that i just want to spend time with you,” your voice slightly strained from yelling. this was the fourth fight that you had with ashton that week. nonstop you’ve been going at each other’s throats not caring about the words that could hurt the other.

“have you ever thought maybe i stay out with the boys because i don’t want to come home. that i’m tired of the same dumb shit,” his voice raising by the minute. your head dropped low while you nodded.

“so my feelings are dumb, huh?” the silence between you two was loud. your heart thumping against your chest. “you know that’s not what i meant or said.”

you sighed and looked at ashton who stood on the other side of the counter in the kitchen. “look maybe we should call off the-“

“don’t go there please. i don’t want to throw away our relationship because of petty arguments. i don’t regret proposing to you.”

“then what are we supposed to do ashton? we can’t keep going like this. we say words to hurt each other, we fight, and i don’t know how much more i can take.” ashton slowly walks over to you to pull you into a hug, instantly you wrap your arms around his waist.

“i think we need some time apart. then go to therapy to really work out our issues. what do you think?”

“as much as i don’t want to be separate from you, we probably should. ash i wanna get back to how our relationship used to be,” you looked up at him to see the tears in his eyes that matched yours. “me too honey, me too.”

-

your friends could tell the tension between you guys. you and ashton hadn’t told anyone in the group what was going on but it was painfully obvious. you guys no longer sat together cuddled up at hangouts, didn’t hold hands or even touch and most of all, your faces no longer held happiness instead letting the gloom take over. being away from him made it worse, he was so close yet so far.

to ash: i need you.

from ash: i’m on my way rn.

“are you okay?” upon hearing ashton’s voice, you immediately speed walk to hug him. “no, i don’t want to do the distant anymore. i need you more than ever right now,” he rubs your back letting you cry on his shoulder.

“i’m right here love,” you guys hugged for a few minutes just resting in each other’s presence and it felt good. it felt good to be near your fiancé in the most vulnerable state because clearly that was lacking.

“so what do you want to do?” he laid his hands on your cheeks, rubbing away any lose tears. “can we go to therapy together like you suggested? to really figure out what’s wrong. i missed you so much. we’re usually glued to the hip.”

“let do it. i mean it when i say i don’t want to break up over our miscommunication. you’re it for me and i missed you too.”

-

you woke up with ashton in the morning to head to the therapist. having a silent breakfast didn’t help any. it wasn’t that you felt awkward but you felt like anything could happen and next thing you know, you guys aren’t together anymore. you feared that.

“hey, you ready to go babe?” ashton’s hand rested on your back. “yeah yeah, sorry. ready when you are.”

“there’s no reason to apologize. i’m scared too if we’re being honest but we’ll never get better if we don’t get to the root of the problem.”

“i know,” you wrapped your arms around him to pull him into a hug. you hugged him as if you were gonna lose him.

-

“so what do you think actually went wrong in the relationship? y/n, you can go first.”

you let out a breath, “I feel like after he proposed, he stopped giving and putting in the effort to our relationship. it felt like he was basically saying ‘hey i got the girl. no need to do anything more’. don’t get me wrong, for the first two months it was amazing and now it just turned to shit.”

“ashton? what you feel about what y/n said?”

“i feel bad i made you feel like i don’t care. why didn’t you tell me?” you scoffed at his words.

“really ashton? i tried to tell you and you told me to fuck off.”

“i did not say fuck off, if anything i-“

“then why are we here ashton? we would not be in this mess if you would just listen to me.”

“don’t put this all on me, you’re just as guilty.”

“oh fuck you ashton, i can’t do this,” you wiped your face with the back of your hand and stood up to walk out the door. “yeah run, run like you always do.”

“me? you’re the one that pushed me away! you’re the one who refused to get vulnerable enough to talk to me.”

“i’m here aren’t i?! i’m here trying to fix what we have but look you’re running.”

“because you refuse to take any fucking responsability. do you even want to get married or did you just propose to me because you thought it would make me happy?”

the therapist didn’t know what to say, clearly there was more to it then just miscommunication. when ashton didn’t say anything, you thought you figured it out. and to be quite honest, you wanted no part in it.

“so you only proposed because you thought that would make me happy? i would have been happy without the ring ashton. i only wanted you,” you looked down at the ring before pulling it off and handing it to him.

“i can’t do this if you aren’t going to be fully in it. i love you ashton but i can’t do this. i can’t keep going with the back and forth. i guess call me when you’re ready? or not that’s up to you,” you placed a gentle kiss on his cheek and walked towards the door.

ashton felt stuck, had he actually just lost possibly the best thing that happened to him. all because of his pride and he didn’t want to admit it was him out messed up. it was in fact him who pushed you away not the other way around.

-

the time you spent apart from ashton was a very hard healing process. you had to really work on your happiness again. you couldn’t stay in the house you once called home because it reminded you of ashton. it was the house you were going to build your lifes together in as one.

from crystal <3 - hey girly, me and si are gonna pick you up from work. we need a lunch date!

to crystal <3 - sounds good crys, i missed you guys :)

from crystal <3 - we missed you too lovely! can’t wait to see you

time flew by fast and before you knew it, sierra and crystal were there at your job picking you up for lunch.

“babes! c’mon we’re going to your favorite restaurant,” sierra pulled you into a hug laying a quick kiss on your cheek.

“it’s nice to see you guys too. man i missed you guys,” you pulled crystal into the hug too. you had isolated yourself from everyone in the friend group. you felt like it would hurt too much. but it’s been months since you seen them.

when you guys arrived to the restaurant, you seen all the guys but ashton sitting in the booth. you felt nervous, like you had abandoned your friends. immediately your eyes watered.

“no no, please don’t cry,” calum was the first to wrap his arms around you. “i’m so sorry.”

“there isn’t anything to be sorry for, we understand why you stayed away. it’s okay,” the other boys now joining your hug.

“i missed you guys.”

“we missed you too short stack,” you chuckled at luke’s nickname for you.

after the hug, you guys all sit down and catch up with each other. you wanted to ask where ashton was but it made you scared. scared that he moved on in those short months. scared that he didn’t want to pursue the relationship between you two again. you’d probably never be able to get over him. you’ve been together since you guys first met while they were writing youngblood.

“now, i hope you don’t mind and you can leave if you want to. but there’s someone who really wants to talk to you,” michael spoke making everyone else at the table stop talking.

“hi doll,” the voice you missed hearing. the voice to the person who has always been there for you. you turned your head and body towards ashton.

“hi ashton.”

you took the time to study his face and he did the same to you. you missed seeing his face in the morning when you woke up. the smile he gave you when you’d make breakfast together or even stay in bed.

“i’m so sorry for-“

you cut him off by hugging him and squeezing him tightly. you missed moments like this. he had really changed your life for the better and to not be with him killed you. he kissed the top of your forehead and mumbled apologies.

ashton let go of you for a moment to get on one knee like he did when he proposed to you.

“baby, i love you so much and i know i can’t ever let that love for you go. you’ve there for it all and i don’t want to let that go. i know i haven’t been the most present when i proposed.

i’m sorry i made you feel like you were alone in this. this isn’t me reproposing because i want to work on our relationship first but this my promise to you. my promise to a better person for you. my promise that you’ll never be alone again. honey i can’t do it without you. i’m sorry that i placed blame on you for my mistakes. and do not feel any pressure to take me back. it’ll hurt but i want you to be happy.

even if it’s not with me. i love you so much that-“

“you’re rambling,” you wiped your tears and kneed down to face him, “ashton irwin, i love you so fucking much and i missed you. thank you for even taking these months to figure out what you really wanted. I want to give you another shot because you really are the only one for me.”

it was like you’re friends didn’t matter in this moment, just the two of you getting lost into each other’s eyes.

“i thought you were going to move on if we’re being honest,” he wiped the stray tears from your cheeks and wiped his.

“move on from you? baby there isn’t anyone i rather be with but you. you’re my motivation. my sunshine on a cloudy day,” you chuckled at the corny words because it was your inside joke behind you two.

“i promise to communicate more and i can’t express more how sorry i really am.”

“we’re gonna okay now, right? you’re not going to isolate yourself from me again?”

“we’re gonna be okay my love. i promise to not do that to you again. and i want you to know, i proposed because i’m madly in love with you. i’m sorry i stopped putting in the effort.”

your friends felt happy for you guys. they knew how much you loved each other and couldn’t wait to see your rekindled love.

“is this the part where we kiss to seal the deal?” ashton laughed and nodded at you. he was quick to meet your lips in middle and place a kiss on them. “gosh, i missed that.”

“i missed that too sweetheart but i missed you even more,” he helped you stand up and brought you into a proper hug. you guys have a long way to go but you knew for sure that it was gonna get better from here on out.

[peakatseven]

MICHAAAA CONGRATULATIONS

🌕 broke a finger knocking on your bedroom door I got splinters in my knuckles crawling across the floor

andddd

🎸 haunted

this bitch really came for me asking for a story AND a cover of such a hard song to sing. okay thanks i guess.

nah im just kidding babe i had so much fun writing this! i feel like it’s the first time in years that i’m posting proper fanfiction? kind of? idk i was trying to find another name for the mc but i kept picturing frat boy harry so here we go:

Concentration is impossible when the silence is loud and the work is important. The worst part is when one starts thinking about the need of being concentrated, rather than the actual work that needs to be done. As a university student, Harry was no different than most: his anxiety about school and his future co-existed with the emotional backlash of relationships and the need to "experience the best years of your life". There were few people with whom he wouldn't worry about meeting some kind of expectation. But she had been silent with him for the better part of a year. Images of Caro kept coming back to him, a trauma he couldn't let go off. Granted, it was the one painful brake up he'd experienced, one that was never truly over. Even now, uncountable names in between him and her, he still couldn't get her blue eyes off of his mind. The thought of her porcelain skin over his sun-kissed body came to him every single one of his one-night-stands. And at that moment, sitting on his desk, trying to get his homework done, the memory of her laughter drowned every sentence he tried to compose. He forced everything out with a loud grunt, grabbing his head with both hands and pulling on his hair. "The results show that 73.3% of patients responded positively to the treatment." He voiced out loud, trying to silence Caro's laughter in his mind. "No, that's bullshit." After a few moments staring at the cursor beeping at the end of his last sentence, he finally shut the laptop down. On an impulse, he unlocked his phone and opened a conversation from three days prior. He should've answered it when he got the text, but he wasn't in the mood at the time. "Hey, babe, wanna go for a beer rn?" He wasn't even done changing when the phone buzzed on the table. Two happy emojis popped up, and then a "Meet you there in 10". He kept the speed up as he rode off campus, through a park and then into the city. He was glad for the chill air against his face, numbing it to the point where it was the only thing he was able to think about. Finally some peace of mind. It wasn't dark yet when he got to the bar, but the sun had already set behind the buildings. There was one single tree, barely taller than him but strong enough to hold his bike. As he secured it, a red leaf fell to his knee. It was autumn when he got to kiss Caro for the first time, and it was also autumn when he kissed her last. "Nope. Something else, think of something else." he thought to himself. Incapable of coming up with anything, he brought out a cigarette and inhaled deeply. Somewhere inside him, there was a bit of guilt about what he was trying to do. But it'd been so long since he started that it no longer bothered him. His new game was called Darren. The younger guy looked like a model, straight silver hair and pale skin that Harry couldn't wait to leave marks on. All he could think about when Darren was around was the things he wanted to do to him. It was purely sensual, and that was pretty clear from the start. Or at least that's what he told himself. That Darren was on the same page as him- no strings attached, just fun and games. But the way his phone had been buzzing ever since he got on the bike, there was clearly more interest from one side. But instead of doing the right thing, and not stringing him along, Harry was about to sleep with him again and leave with a lame excuse to not spend the night. And then it was back to emotionless texts, conversations on the verge of ghosting him just in case he'd be in the mood again. But it was okay, Darren was playing the same game. He had the same dynamic with a lot of people lately. None knew of each other. They didn't have to, and they didn't ask either. He was no monster, though. Harry would tell that to himself constantly. That because no one had explicitly asked for exclusivity, it was implied they weren't obliged to it. The only one who did, what was her name again? Odella... no, that's not right... Ornella, maybe? He laughed dryly at himself. He'd become one of those guys that didn't even remember the names of all of his

partners. But he was no dougebag, when Ornella asked to be exclusive, he straight up told her no and then never bothered her again. They weren't on the same page anymore, so no more games. He wondered if that would ever happen with Darren too. There was not much time to think about this, because he was soon greeting the guy with a half hug and a gentle kiss just beside his lips. "You smell nice." Darren said, hands in his pockets and scarf almost over his mouth. "You just like the smell of tabacco." Harry smirked and put the unfinished cigarette down. "Let's get in, you're freezing." The night went exactly how Harry planned it. All his jokes were welcomed by Darren, and he let the young boy win at pull- he was cute when he bragged about his skills. But the best feeling was whenever Harry would approach Darren. A stroke of the lower back, a smirk from the other side of the table, a kiss when no one was near... Darren accepted any and everything Harry was willing to give him. The power high that it gave him to have someone be so devoted to him was indescribable. But the night was fully set and he was growing impatient. "Let's get out of here." He whispered to Darren's ear right before his turn. Darren had already started pulling Harry's bike for him when the phone on his pocket buzzed again. Harry walked alongside his date, though his eyes were on his phone. He had a lost call that he hadn't noticed while inside. The number wasn't saved to his phone anymore, but he hadn't managed to erase it from his own memory yet. "Oh, shit." He whispered. "I... Sorry, man, I have to go. There's a- um, it's a family thing." Harry was on his bike before his date could answer. He didn't even look at Darren's eyes before leaving. There was a sting of guilt building up, and maybe he'd feel disgusted by himself if it wasn't for the sheer adrenaline running through his veins. Maybe the alcohol had a bit to do with it too. This had only happened a few times before, and the outcome was always the same. Still, Harry couldn't keep himself from falling to his knees when it came to her. As he rode his bike as fast as he could go, a cynical smile crept on his lips. How ironic. Darren was probably feeling the same way about Harry just a few hours prior. Whenever Caro was in town, she stayed at her best friend's apartment- all the way on the other side of the city. So it was past midnight already when he got to the building. There was a party on the roof, maybe they could sneak in for more drinks. She had some catching up to do, as Harry was already tipsy. Still, he didn't have to check the phone to know which floor to go to and which door to knock. Just like everything else about Caro, he had it indefinitely memorized. 409, the doorknocker was a silver seagull. A very heavy, silver seagull. At first, Harry didn't feel it when his finger got caught in between the door and the seagull, but by the third time he knocked, it started changing colour. "Hm." He said to himself as he examined the swollen-red finger. He put it in his mouth and kept on knocking to the beat of the music coming from above. Why did they have the music so loud? Harry could barely hear his own thoughts, so the neighbours had to be furious about this noise. Carolina was probably waiting for Harry, who was already late due to how far he was when she texted him. "Fuck!" He said, taking his phone out of his pocket again. He hadn't answered. Dumb ass. "im herre" He sent the text before reading the ones Caro had sent before. One was a laughing emoji and the other was a voice note. There were people laughing on the background, and someone turned the music down a bit for Caro to speak into her phone. "I'm so sorry, ignore that, it was a dare." She half said, half laughed. Harry didn't understand, so he played it again. Again. Again. And again one more time. Was she talking about the lost call? or was it about her being in town? Had he really fallen for such a stupid trap? Harry fell to the floor, phone glued to his ear as the voice note played over and over again. His chest was about to

explode, face red and throat dry. He knocked on the door again, now with his fist. The inevitable tear fell down his cheek, though it was impossible to know if it was sadness or anger that caused it. "Oh, god." Someone said behind him. But when he turned around, the stairs were empty and someone on hills was running up the stairs. He got up and ran after them, but he was too intoxicated to keep up. He fell halfway up the stairs, having to crawl for a few steps before getting up. On the rooftop, there were too many people in heels to know which one had seen him. "Great." He sight. Might as well look around. He walked around the place, inhaling the cold air of the night and trying to calm down, make sense of what had just happened. He was about to light up his last cigarette when someone took it from him. She had long purple nails and her skin glowed under the moonlight. She smirked as the cigarette reached her mouth. He lit it up for her. "I didn't think you'd actually come." She said. Her smirk turned into a sincere smile. "You told me to." "Yes, but I also said you should ignore that." "Well I didn't." He took the cigarette from her fingers and smoked himself before speaking again. "Should I go?" He wanted to seem as cool with the situation as she appeared to be, hide the fact that he had just been played like a puppet for a fucking drinking game dare. "What happened to you finger?" She shouted, stepping closer to him. "I- I don't remember." Harry lied. There was still a bit of dignity to be salvaged. And there it was, but this time it was real. Her laugh, once again, drowned every thought on his mind. There was no music and no people around them anymore, it was just him and her, together again, laughing in the middle of the night. "You know I meant to call you, right?" Caro said, a hand tenderly rubbing his arm. She knew exactly what she was doing, and he knew it too. "I'm sure you did." He said. "I did!" She pushed him a little, both cracking a knowing smile. "I promise I did, it's just that-" "Shut the fuck up." He felt more stable now that he'd taken some air and the alcohol effect had cooled down. "It's okay, Caro. Let's just have fun tonight and see what happens." "Sounds fun." She leaned in and kissed him on his cheek, the kiss lingering just a second too long. He instinctively put a hand on her hip, but she walked away swiftly after the kiss. The pain on his chest came back, and the little composure he had gained crumbled. She wasn't coming back to him. This time it was definitive, and it had been for a while now. But the worst realization that came to him that night, was how much power she had over him. How much hope, urge, love, anger and pain she could cause in just a matter of hours. She had him at her mercy, like a puppet she could toy with however she wanted. They were both the same kind of wicked, using others for validation, feasting on their adoration. But as much pain as it caused him to know he was at the other end of his own game, it also sparked joy to know he could provide that for her.

[dontworrysunflower]

I’ll Be Home for Christmas | iii.

A/N: i’m sorry!! it’s been kinda hectic lately i had finals i was spending time with my family for the holidays so i had no time to write. and also now that every now and then he’ll be a clown it puts me in a bad mood and i don’t feel good enough to write so i’m really sorry for the wait. let’s pretend it’s still okay to have holiday theme fics rn! i also won’t put a taglist cuz i’m too lazy oh and happy new years! new decade really ❤️

Warning: angst? horrible/ rushed writing, very little language. the italics means in another language, i chose spanish (even though it’s not actually in spanish, i mean mariah is hispanic) but you can see it as your native language or second language you speak

Word Count: a little over 1.2k i think

Enjoy! Masterlist in my bio

Previous part in my masterlist

•••

Mariah opened the door to her childhood home, the warm atmosphere inside so much more appealing than the bitter winter snow outside just three days until christmas.

“Mom, I’m home.” She yelled as she peeled off her heavy layers.

“Hey.”

There he was. All tall and lanky and still so fucking good looking.

“Shawn.”

He stood at the bottom of the stairs, a box full of decorations in his arms, his tattooed muscles flexing involuntarily, bulging out of the shirt he’s wearing.

“W-What are doing here? Don’t you have tour?” Mariah sighed and winced. She hated how she still kept tabs on him.

He smiled down at her and walked into the living room, where there were other empty boxes and a christmas tree.

“Finished a few days early since i’ve been doing shows at the same place for a couple days. I got in last night.”

Mariah nods, shuffling her feet on the wooden flooring of her childhood home.

“Oh my love, you’re home.” Her mom said frantically, clearly not thinking about her daughter seeing the young man in their home.

“Yeah. I um, came to help.” She kept eye contact with her mother, but felt the piercing gaze from Shawn.

“Well you can help Shawn in the living room while I go outside.” Her mom gave her a knowing look, nodding her head slightly to Shawn.

Before she could object her mom leaves the room, leaving Mariah alone with Shawn in an awkward silence.

She walks around the couch, his warm atmosphere already enveloping her, a feeling she missed.

“Oh um,” Shawn stuttered, wiping his big hand on his jeans and placing a box on the couch. “I’m just decorating the tree here and uh, just putting out all of these things.” Shawn muttered as he curiously looked at a bit of tinsel, the greenery between his fingers.

She giggles at the blushing man before her and grabs a container of ornaments and heads over to the illuminated tree.

She holds an ornament out in her hand to see where it would fit on the tree, her brows knitting together, the silence going over her head as she hung the orbs.

Shawn watches her. She hasn’t changed. She still holds herself back just like she always did, even though they’ve known each other forever. The little dimples and the apple red blush on her cheeks from the bitter cold. He stands there watching her, wondering to himself why he waited so long to confess to her and why he left her.

He realizes he’s been staring too long and clears his throat and pats his pockets, even though there’s nothing in them and grabs more ornaments and stands close to her, side eyeing her.

After a few moments, they are both sitting on the floor, hanging the last couple of ornaments.

“So,” he starts, his voice shaking in nervousness. “how are you?”

Mariah glances at him quickly, smiling at his pink cheeks. She shakes her head lightly, her eyes on the tree skirt. “Um, I’ve been okay.” She hangs another ornament, a clear orb with a picture of her and Shawn from when they were kids. “And you?” She smiled at him. “How was tour?”

“It was great, yeah. You know I always love traveling and singing.” He chuckles, his hazel eyes on her as she nods.

She hangs the least ornament and stands up, grabbing some tinsel and walking over to the staircase. She dreads the thought, but she has to know. That’s why she keeps her back to him when she asks, “How’s the girlfriend?”

She can hear him sigh behind her, his heavy footsteps getting closer. “Mariah-”

“Shawn you’re mom just called, she wants you home for dinner.” Her mom said as she walked into the room, interrupting him.

“Oh-okay.” He turns and grabs his coat and slips on his boots, looking at Mariah the entire time. “Bye Mrs. Garcia.”

“Bye hun, thank you so much for helping.”

Shawn shines a bright smile to the middle aged woman, his large hand on the door handle. “It was my pleasure Mrs. G.”

Before he opens the door he looks at her, a sad smile adorning his face. “Bye Mariah.”

She stops wrapping the tinsel around the railing, turning her head slightly, barely able to see him over her shoulder. “Bye.” She whispers.

“We’ll see you at the party!” Her mom exclaimed, clearly not sensing the tensions between the two young adults.

Shawn’s eyes leave Mariah’s figure and smiles at her mother, opening the door and nodding.

When Mariah hears the door close she rushes to her old room, leaving the tinsel hanging.

Her breath is labored as she draws the curtains, watching Shawn as he walks across the street to his childhood home, hands in his jean pockets, shoulders hunched over in the snowy street.

Mariah sighs and presses her forehead against the cool window, her breath fogging up the glass.

She’s tempted head over there, to hear an explanation from him. It’s the least he could do after everything he’s put her through. The heartache she felt these past six months when she heard his name or his songs or when he just crossed her mind because he somehow always did. She wants to move on.

Just like he did.

•••

He sat in his beige room, phone in hand, her contact on the screen.

He contemplated calling her, wanting to explain everything from the past couple of months.

His leg bounced, his teeth digging into his bottom lip, his finger hovering over her number as someone knocks on the door.

“Hi honey.” His mom spoke sweetly as she opened the door, slipping past and closing it behind her. She sits next to her son, rubbing his back soothingly.

“Hi mom.” he breathed out as he closed his phone and dropped it on his bed.

“What’s wrong Shawn?” She asked, her brows in concern at her gloomy son.

His eyes glaze over and lays his head on his mom's shoulder. “I really messed up.” His voice shook, his fingers picking at fluff on his sweatpants.

She rubs her son's shoulder and sighs. “Is this about Mariah?”

He huffs and falls back on the bed, his palms pressing onto his eyes to stop the stinging tears. “Does everyone know?”

Karen chuckles. “Well no, but you told us so,”

He looks up at the ceiling, the crawling paint suddenly more amusing. “What do I do? I don’t wanna lose her.”

She pats his thigh then stands up. “I don’t know what to tell you dear.”

He sits up and pouts. “That doesn’t help.”

She chuckles and kisses his forehead. “All I can tell you sweetie, is if you really really love her-”

“I do.” He interrupts.

“Then do whatever it is to fight for her. Don’t you ever give up because she’s not like every other girl. So if she won’t talk to you, she doesn’t have to. But make her listen, because I’ve never seen anyone this in love.” She smiled at her son, squeezing his hand before walking out of his room.

So he picks up his phone again and types a text.

I know you want nothing to do with me, and I understand that. but please let me explain, it’s not what it seems.

I’ll be at our spot tomorrow morning at nine

I hope i see you there, i just want to explain myself and if you want nothing to do with me after that then i’ll learn to deal with it, to deal with you hating me for the rest of my life

i hope you come

[vanchlo]

The Assistant / Chapter Twenty-Three, “Bleeding Heart”

hello hello. i’m so sorry that i’m an awful person and i haven’t written in a bahillion years. life has been wack and i fell out of writing for awhile. instead of doing homework like a good human being - yay! - i found this chapter i had started and i finished it. it’s not as long as usual, i know, but i did that on purpose and you’ll see why ;) ;) ;) ;) i hope i can write some more soon and stick with this. i’m unreliable i know and i’m terribly sorry. college and work are crazy and my mom was just diagnosed with 2 kinds of cancers soooo oooo life truly is crazy and overwhelming rn. i hope to maybe set aside some time each night to write, but it’s hard to stop when it’s getting fun haha. i enjoyed writing this chapter and delving more into this story, like idek where it’s gonna go haha.

anyways lemme know what you think of this chapter. i wanna hear your predictions and thoughts!!!!!!!!! reblog, like, share with friends, say hi to me :) 

one last thing. we should decide a ship name for harry and becks, i mean it’s been coming. here are my ideas and feel free to send me others :D 

a) hecks (my personal fav) 

b) barry (i just think of rachel’s barry from FRIENDS but it’s ok) 

c) hebecca????

d) ??????

e) hecky?

“No. No. No. No. No. NO. NO. NO.

I try to breathe in, but I can’t.

And suddenly the switch inside of me changes. Instead of pushing him away for the last few weeks, I want him. I want him to come and save me. 

The laugh that falls from my lips surprises the both of us. “You can’t hurt me anymore.” 

The swarm of voices that crowded my ears from before is now gone. A soft chatter of voices occupies the conference room now, around an hour after the festivities had begun. Now the fun is over and the last few of us clean up the forgotten plates, take down the streamers donning the walls, push in the chairs, vacuum up the crumbs, and everything else required to return the room to its former glory. 

“Hey, you stop that,” somebody says from behind me. “This was yer party, yer not s’posed to be cleaning it up,” they finish as I turn around to find Harry pushing a lock of hair out of his eyes as he grasps a wet rag in the other hand. 

“No, I want to help. Please,” I reply, turning back to the table and picking up the spray bottle. I spritz the plastic top and run the wet rag over the spot, repeating in sections until I finish the table. 

“Fine, I guess you can help,” Harry huffs and I smile to myself in triumph as I return to my cleaning. “So, what did ya think?” 

“It was a lot of fun and very nice of all of you, thank you so much again,” I tell him trying to circumvent having a conversation. I move to the other end of the table as he begins on the next one over. 

A few male coworkers fold up the table to my left and carry it out the door, probably to place back in storage. My eyes life to find Harry leaning over the table he scrubs and he must notice my pause because he meets my eyes. But I can’t look at him, not today. 

“I’m glad ya had such a good time, ‘m sure everybody else did too . . Everybody’s going t’ miss ya, ya know,” he comments, and I nod with a small smile. I don’t know how much more of this awkward small talk I can put up with, especially as the domino that caused all of this is gnawing at my insides. Particularly the part where he could have stopped it coming to this. 

But he didn’t.  

The rest of the clean up consists of few words between Harry and I, or anybody else for that matter. We cleaned tables, folded them and carried them away, stacked chairs, vacuumed, packed things away, and carried more things away. The room was now bleak with its new emptiness and quiet, all of the people previously filling it returning to their lives. Luckily I found my escape shortly after the room was all squared away. 

“All done?” a voice asks me. I look over my shoulder and find Asher tying up a bloated garbage bag. My stomach drops all of a sudden with disappointment at who it is, and who it’s not. 

“Yep.” I nod. Then I feel bad for being disappointed. Oh it’s just a never-ending rollercoaster, isn’t it?

“I can’t believe you helped clean up. The whole point was having other people do stuff for you, and then you helped them?!” Asher laughs with a disbelieving shake of his head. He happens to pull a giggle from my unsure lips. I sheepishly nod at his words, and I give him another laugh when he almost trips over the garbage bag. 

“Are you on your way out now?”

“Yeah, I think so. I just have to drop off some last-minute things - keys and keycards, that sorta thing. But now I can’t find the person to give them to . . ,” I confess, losing my words as I scan the room for those green eyes and that mustard top. 

“Hmmmph, well it’s getting late. Maybe he left or had something. You could leave them with Myles or Jennings, I’m sure if you wanna get outta here. I know you’re just dying to get those drinks with me tomorrow,” Asher quips, turning my lips up with his words. 

I leave him with a few words, telling him I’ll see him later. I say goodbyes to a few people as I leave the conference room and begin my hunt to find Harry. One I’m not sure how I want to end. 

I find my desk empty and many others as well. Glancing at my watch, I find that the hours have flown by. Many people jetted out of here as it’s five o'clock on a Friday afternoon. The cushion welcomes me as I sit down in my chair for the last time, but I don’t miss its welcoming squeak. The squeaking continues as I spin my last spin in the chair, feeling hot tears at the back of my eyes at the finality of my actions. My mug of pencils- no, it’s not my mug anymore. It never was mine. 

A polar bear post-it note holder invades my -not my desk - along with framed pictures of strangers, a bright pink day planner, candy apple lotion, and other foreign objects belonging to the new owner of this desk. Who isn’t me. A long sigh leaves my lips as I release my hands I didn’t know I was clenching. 

“It’s now or never,” I say aloud, willing myself to stand. 

Okay, Becky, we can do this. This isn’t even the hard part. 

But it is, I think to myself as my eyes glance up and memories that took place at this desk spin through my head. Making Harry laugh for the first time. Silly arguments with him about which was the better movie. How easily he made me smile by bringing me coffee out of nowhere and- Stop, Becky, you can’t do this now, I tell myself as I swipe a hot tear away from under my eye. I exhale as I get to my feet and feel for the ring of keys in my pocket. Good, they’re still there. 

The hallway is dim, but the light from the London evening comes in through the many windows around the office. His hallway. A hallway I will never walk again. Fuck, am I really sure I want to do this? How can I not see him again? You can and you will. You have to, Becky. It was too hard sitting there day after day wanting him. And him not wanting you back. I nod to myself, trying to affirm those words to myself. They don’t do that good of a job, because of the person I see around the corner. 

“Oh hey, bug. A-are ya leavin’?” Harry stutters, his furrowed emerald eyes falling on me. He comes to a stop in front of me, running a hand through his mop of curls. 

“U-uh yeah. I was just going to drop off the keys with you and go over a few things.” 

“Yeah yeah, sounds good. I jus’ really gotta take a leak, so ‘ll be back in a minute, ‘kay?” He asks with a pat on my arm. I nod with a soft ‘okay,’ as I turn to watch him walk away. Nodding with a thumbs up, he gives me a small sad smile before turning around and walking down the hallway. I watch until he’s gone. 

Almost done. But now for the hard part. Leaving him for the last time, I contemplate with a pout. I shuffle my feet to his door and twist the knob. Immediately, his familiar woodsy scent hits me. Suddenly, all of my senses are inundated with him. His messy desk. His blazer draped over his chair. Bookmarked biographies dotting his desk. Empty mugs of tea taking up empty spots. The essential oil diffuser in the corner humming as it mists Sandalwood. Bach’s Cello Suite No. 1 trickling from a Bluetooth speaker in the corner. Harry. It’s all him. And my reserves begin to fall. Can I really do this? No, there’s no way I can. Even if I have to sit at that desk day after day trying to love him, it’s better than leaving him. 

Yeah, and then what about when he marries Amber or somebody else that’s not you? 

I gulp, trying to get rid of the lump in my throat and at the same time pressing my fingers against my eyes, willing them to dry. 

“Wow, are we getting a little teary-eyed on our last day?” a voice snarks from behind me. 

No. No. No. No. No. NO. NO. NO. 

I try to breathe in, but I can’t. 

And suddenly the switch inside of me changes. Instead of pushing him away for the last few weeks, I want him. I want him to come and save me. To save me from her. And to see her for the monster that she is. 

The laugh that falls from my lips surprises the both of us. “You can’t hurt me anymore, Amber,” I snap, turning around to face her with a wry smile coating my lips. 

“Oh I don’t know about that, I still can. But hey, I won, and don’t you forget that,” she retorts. Amber’s blonde curls shake as she stomps her foot and points a tanned manicured finger at me. How can he even comfortably hold hands with those daggers?

Her blow hits me, and she knows it. I can’t hide it, because I’ve lost it. The last few weeks or even months have taken everything from me. My grandpa dying, my mom’s abusive treatment towards me, Harry’s bipolarness, and Amber’s physical and mental attacks. I lost.

“I don’t care,” I croak, throwing up my hands in defeat. The keys on the ring twinkle with movement in my hand. 

“But you do! I know you do!” she cackles, excitement twisting her plastic face into a Cheshire grin. “You wanted him, but you couldn’t have him and so you gave up! I won!” Amber continues, stepping towards me in her flowy scarlet blouse and skin-tight black jeans. 

I instinctively step back and away from her, but I stop when I think I hear a noise. It’s a loud squeak on the floor that makes me stop, but it doesn’t stop right away. 

“I don’t care, Amber, you can have him! I told him what you did to me and he didn’t believe me because of whatever spell you put on him. So you can keep him and live a wonderful, happy life together. I don’t care anymore, and I hate that I ever did,” I announce with weight to my words, willing my feet to lift from the carpet, but they won’t. 

Amber chuckles, crossing her arms with a pleased smile of satisfaction painting her face. “I can’t believe you had the nerve to tell him what I did to you,” she mutters in disbelief, shaking her head. “As if Harry would believe that I’d do such a thing. He probably thinks you made it up. Hell, for all I know I never laid a finger on you and you just imagined the whole thing.” 

“You left marks on me, Amber,” I spit out through gritted teeth. 

“Yeah, and apparently that wasn’t even enough to convince Harry. God, I really do have him wrapped around my finger,” Amber sighs happily. “I can’t do anything wrong in his eyes. He hasn’t even noticed how much I’ve been gone lately, or how often I’ve been texting this new bloke I’m fucking on the side.” 

“You slut!” I exclaim, not being able to hold it in. “Harry loves you and would do anything for you! He built this firm from the ground up! He’s sweet, he’s kind, he’s giving, he’s funny- he’s amazing and that’s how you treat him?!” 

“Excuse me?! Who here was throwing themselves at my boyfriend right in front of me?!” Amber argues, taking another frightening step toward me. She’s no longer laughing, but instead, her drawn-on eyebrows have fallen into a point above her glassy stare. 

“How dense are you?!” I laugh, feeling the anger rise warmly in my chest. I really don’t care anymore. “You have such a huge problem with that - which never happened, thank you - but you think it’s okay to cheat on your boyfriend?! My god, you really are fucking dumb!” 

“You just had your last laugh, bitch, because I’m going to slap that smug smile right off your face,” she snarls, taking several steps before I can almost see the flames rising in her eyes. 

“No, you won’t!” a voice announces. 

I take my eyes off of Amber to see who said that, but it’s a second too long that lets her clawed hand accost my face. 

[xoluvx]

marvins room - zendaya x fem!reader

Pairing: Zendaya x Fem!Reader

Warning: angst, swearing

Request: i’m in my feels rn so can u do an imagine based off of ‘marvin’s room’ - drake w/ zendaya x reader?

Marvins Room

I may or may not have been crying while writing this. Marvins Room is my shit. It always gets me in my feels.

“Are you drunk right now?” The words rang through Zendaya’s body, her eyes were closed. Phone pressed against her ear as she tried picturing what you were doing right now. Trying to remember the curves of your nose, the arch of your brows, your lips. All of it. 

But the alcohol was fogging up her brain. She remembered where she’d been a few minutes ago . before she was sitting at the edge of her bathtub. Scrolling through her phone looking for the little red heart next to your name. 

“Are you sure you wanna drink that?” Jacob’s hand was reaching for the shot glass making its way towards Zendaya’s lips. Before he could stop her, the cold glass hit her lips. The tequila burning her throat in the process. Her brows furrowed with disgust, but satisfaction. 

Before Jacob could get another word in, the second shot glass was attached to her lips. Head tilted, eyes shut as the liquid disappeared from the glass like a magic trick. Zendaya groaned, slamming the second glass on the marble counter. 

“Yo, Z. I think it’s time to stop.” Jacob was concerned. He pushed the glasses away from her, his hand reaching for the bottle snatching it from the table and out of her reach. 

He’d never seen Zendaya this way. She was usually the babysitter of the group. Yeah, she enjoyed having fun. She wasn’t a prude. But she didn’t drink. Well, she didn’t get drunk. It just wasn’t her. 

“Jacob, I’m fine.” Zendaya dragged out each word longer than necessary. He could smell the alcohol dripping from her mouth. She was drunk. Her forehead falling on his shoulder, body slouched. She was taller than him, but she needed the support. 

It was clear Zendaya’s mind had exited her body. One hand was clutching to the edge of the marble countertop, the other was on Jacob’s shoulder as her head rested on it. She was wobbling. 

She didn’t know what came over her. The sudden urge to puke all the alcohol she’d consumed? No. Definitely not. The alcohol was numbing the pain. The pain. That was what came over her. The hurt she felt in her heart. The heart that only beat for one. For you. 

“Uh, yeah. I mean I just might have drank a little.” You could hear the amount of shots she’d taken. You could hear the vulnerability. The pain. 

“Okay.” You didn’t know what to say. How do you respond to that? 

“You didn’t come,” her words stung. Not because she’d said something hurtful. But because it was true. You didn’t. You’d been invited, not by her. But you knew about the party. You weren’t as strong. You couldn’t bring yourself to get ready. To drag yourself out of the comfort of your home to a place that would just bring back too many memories. Too much pain. 

“Is she there right now?” Zendaya asked, the familiar feeling of having her heart twisted and crushed filled her body. She didn’t want to know. But, boy, did she care. She cared so fucking much. 

“No.”  

“Do you still think about us?” Zendaya was pushing the boundaries. She would never been this bold. Hey, I guess that’s what tequila does to you. 

“Z...” your voice trailed off not knowing how to respond. She was drunk. Not in a right state of mind. Did you think about her? Hell yeah, you thought about her. Every day. 

The touch of her fingers on your cheeks while she pressed her lips against your own was overwhelming. You felt like you were going to burst. The love, the pleasure it was all too much. It was always too much with her. But a good much. 

Your hands were lost in her hair, pulling on it gently as she pushed you towards the bed. The moment was heated, passion filled the room. 

You tumbled on to the bed, her legs straddling your body as the kissed deepened. Noses brushing, teeth clashing, tongues wrestling. You swore you could live this like forever. 

Your eyes were closed shut. The tears forming in your eyes stung and you tried swallowing the knot in your throat. 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have. I just-” Zendaya cleared her throat and you knew she was on the verge of tears too. It didn’t take long before you heard her gasping for air, her soft sobs clear through the phone. She sniffled, clearing her throat before finishing her sentence. 

“I just wanted to check up. I’m gonna go now.” She whispered, wiping the tears from her eyes before hanging up. 

The beep was daunting, leaving you with your thoughts. The memories and the soreness of the pain. 

Zendaya’s head was pounding. The extra shots of tequila had been a bad idea. She knew that now. She reached for her phone. 2:43AM. She groaned letting her head fall back on her pillows. 

“You’re up,” your voice echoed through the silent room. Zendaya sat up, searching for your voice. She felt a tug on her comforter as she got up and she knew you were laying next to her. But she didn’t know why. Or when you’d gotten there. 

“Darnell called. Said you were really drunk and he was worried.” You cleared your throat, your voice was raspy. Yeah, you were there because he didn’t know who else to call. He knew you were the root of her drinking that night. But, you were there because you’d heard the pain in her voice. 

You patted the spot where she’d been sleeping before. Urging her to lay down. You could see the confusion in her face through the dim light entering from the window. 

“How much did I drink?” she asked resting her head on her pillow, facing you. Her moves were calculated. Arms close to her chest, eyes searching your face. 

“Enough to call me,” you whispered. 

Zendaya closed her eyes. They were stinging. Her head still pounding, almost as hard as her heart was.

Your hand reached over to the hair that had fallen on her face, pushing it back softly revealing her face. Her mascara was smeared from the crying. You ran your thumb along the marks feeling her body relax against your touch. Your thumb traced her cheekbone, running all the way down to her lips. You had memorized those lips. But your thumb traced her top lip and then her bottom one, engraving the shapes it in your mind. 

Zendaya opened her eyes. They met yours instantly. The pull was strong. She couldn’t hold back. Not anymore. Whatever had happened between the two of you was not as strong enough as her urge to feel you again. 

You felt the same. Because before either of you knew it, your noses were touching. Her hands were behind your thigh pulling you closer and yours had made themselves at home in her hair pulling her face towards yours until your lips connected. A rush of electricity coursed through both of your bodies. 

The kiss was sloppy. Filled with the pain and longing you both had been feeling these part few months. It was desperate. 

You knew this wasn’t right. You knew you had to talk about it. You knew this could end many ways, but right now you didn’t care. 

Her lips were intoxicating. Almost as much as the alcohol she’d consumed that night. And you were addicted.

[deniigi]

Could I bother you for any sad or cute foggy/Matt headcannons for any of your verses? I just love them so much ❤️

Hi anon!

You’ve really done it now lol. I don’t have headcanons rn, but I do have some scraps from a couple of different fics that haven’t made the cut for you.

I’ll pick one from each category, I think? It’s gonna be a long post friends! Sorry mobile users ❤

Inimitable: Foggy is homesick.

It was a busy night. A fun night. And when everyone had gone back home, the house felt so quiet and empty that Foggy almost wanted them back.

He pressed the bridge of his nose into Matt’s warm back and breathed through the heartache. Matt caught his hands and squeezed them and then rolled over so that Foggy was pressing his face against the center of his chest.

“I miss home,” Foggy admitted to that chest. Right to Matt’s heart. Where home had always been hiding.

“Me too,” Matt said.

“I miss our families.”

“Me too.”

“I’m not ready to go back yet. I don’t want to lose you again. I always lose you to the city.”

Matt’s chest expanded as he breathed in, and he cupped hand behind Foggy’s head. Pulled him in closer. Impossibly close.

“You are my home,” he said. “And you can’t lose me to the city anymore, ‘cause I have better things to protect than the concrete and glass in ten fucking blocks.”

Foggy was gonna cry.

“I wanna go home,” he hiccuped.

“Two years,” Matt said out of nowhere. “Why don’t we try for two more years? And if we still want to go home, we’ll go home.”

Two years.

“I love you,” he sniffed into Matt’s sternum. “I love you so much. Thank you.”

Matt squirmed down to that he could press his scratchy cheek into Foggy’s. So that they could share some tears.

“Don’t thank me for being selfish,” he said. “This benefits me, after all. Dave’s doing a shit job out there, bless him.”

Foggy laughed.

“You just said—”

“I ain’t promised shit. Just because I got better things to protect don’t mean I got the sense to.”

He couldn’t stop laughing.

This fucking guy.

“Gonna give me an aneurysm.”

“Ehn. I’ll dig out the helmet.”

“Oh god, not the helmet. I thought we moved past the horns.”

“Oh, but they’re so cute. You called them cute—are you telling me you’re a liar, Mr. Nelson?”

“Yeah, 100%.”

“Wow. Hey.”

“Yeah?”

“What do you think—”

“We do not need another puppy, Matthew. For fuck’s sake. Alright, moment over. You’ve ruined it. Go to sleep, you fucking asshole.”

Matt’s laugh would fill that hole in his heart for now.

 Earth-65: Murderdock used to self-harm

Matt had scars across his ribs and back in patterns which looked like palm fronds laid over each other. These, Foggy was not allowed to touch.

He was allowed to snake his fingers up Matt’s hips. To skirt them across the mostly smooth skin that stretched from the peak of his hip to the bottom of his ribcage. He was allowed to sink his thumbs into that skin and to press and pull and knead.

He was not allowed to nip or bite any of that expanse.

Teeth were allowed in the juncture of Matt’s thigh and pelvis. They were allowed to graze his collarbones and shoulders. They were most welcome up at the top of his throat, where they could elicit both soft sighs and harsh breathing.

But they and all fingers were to steer clear of the palm fronds.

Foggy asked once where the fronds came from and got nothing.

He asked where the lines across Matt’s belly came from and was given an image in the form of a knife. He asked about the gnarled knot just right of Matt’s navel and learned the caliber of the gun which had fired a bullet into that place. He asked about the row of lines that crawled up Matt’s knee and learned of a fight gone south and a man twice Matt’s size dropping his weight on that twisted kneecap.

He asked of some fronds on Matt’s thighs and his face was brought up, up, up all the way for a kiss.

Matt didn’t say, but he kissed and told.

Those textured gills left a special ache in Foggy’s throat. 

Electric Sheep: Clint thinks Matt’s name is Foggy because that’s all he ever seems to say or want when his processor is compromised.

Foggy wanted his suit and the earpiece back. He did his weird half-breathing thing when Clint put them in a box while on the phone.

He shushed the bot and gave him his hand to hold instead.

This brought on curiosity.

“Foggy?” Foggy asked the hand.

“No, that’s you,” Clint told him, willing Barnes to pick up his damn phone already. “I’m Clint, remember?”

“Pilot.”

“No, Clint.”

“Pilot.”

“No, no. Clint. Can you say ‘lint?’”

“Affirmative.”

“Okay, so say ‘lint.’ But put a ‘c’ on the front of it.”

“Affirmative.”

“No, buddy. Say it.”

“It.”

“Oh my god,” Clint breathed as deeply as he could.

“Not quite,” a voice said in his ear.

“Oh, thank god,” Clint amended. “JB, I fucked up. I need your help.”

In Technicolor: Foggy’s going behind Matt’s back to make friends with Sister Maggie

“Franklin, I’m disappointed in you,” Mom lectured with hands on her hips for the second time in one day.

Foggy gave Brett a look which promised pain and mass embarrassment at the next possible moment.

“You,” he said, “Are a snitch. That’s why the night crew won’t tell you shit, Mahoney.”

“Foggy!”

“Yes, ma’am,” Foggy said to Mom. “Sorry, Bess. It’s cool, me and Sister Maggie are building bridges. We’re like this.”

He showed Mom twisted fingers.

“Does Matthew know you’re talking to her?” Mom demanded.

Foggy scowled.

“Franklin.”

“Yes and no,” Foggy admitted. “But he’s chill with Karen and her talking, so what’s the big deal if it’s me instead of Karen, huh?”

Mom stared his optimism into the dirt.

“It is one thing for women to discuss these things, Franklin, it is another for a man to insert himself into the conversation,” she said.

Foggy scowled harder.

“Okay, so first of all, gender is a construct, so jot that down, and second of all—”

Brett was ending this interaction before Fogs lost all of his dignity in one fell swoop.

“He’s gonna fess up and apologize, Ma,” he said over Foggy’s noise-making. “Aren’t you?” He stared pointedly at the guy.

Foggy grumbled.

“I don’t see why—”

“Aren’t you, Foggy?”

Foggy grumbled harder, then pouted.

“I guess,” he groaned.

And one last one for now. This is actually a tiny piece of an AU I started where Foggy is a grim reaper and Matt becomes one of the spirits he’s supposed to shepherd. Unfortunately, Matt is bad at being shepherded. I dropped it, but I’m kind of charmed by it still, so here, have a preview:

“Hello?” he said.

“Hi,” Foggy responded. “Matt Murdock?”

Matt tipped his head around, searching for the source of the sound.

“That’s me,” he said.

“Glad to hear it. My name’s Franklin Nelson, I’m your reaper. Can you confirm your address for me?” Foggy said.

Matt cocked his head the other way.

“Beg your pardon?” he said.

Foggy berated himself for assuming that Matt would remember anything prior to his ordeal.

“Nelson,” he repeated. “Franklin Nelson. You’ve switched sides, my man. Welcome to the other side of humanity; I’m your reaper—think of me as your case worker. I keep track of you until you’re ready to pass on for good.”

Matt stared past him and blinked.

“I’m not fucking dead,” he decided was the appropriate response to that explanation.

“I noticed,” Foggy said. “Also noticed that I didn’t say ‘dead,’ I said ‘turned.’ We got a different division for reapers for dead folks. You gotta have a certain presence for it, which I have been told I am lacking.”

Matt’s forehead creased as he processed that. Then he finally, finally seemed to hear the insults. He started moving his head all around as though following the echoes.

“Is that Dad?” he asked.

Mmmmmmm.

“We were hoping that you could tell us that,” Brett said. “I’ve got a report here from—”

“Are you a cop?” Matt asked.

Brett took a moment.

“Detective,” he said. “But—”

“There are reaper-cops?” Matt asked Foggy’s way.

“There are reapers of every kind you can imagine,” Foggy said. “It’s far less glamourous than you think.”

Matt furrowed his brow at that and went back to following his father’s voice bouncing around the room. Brett looked pointedly at Foggy in a ‘that’s your client’ type of way.

Foggy sighed.

“Mr. Murdock,” he said. “Your father has been possessed by—”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Matt interrupted.

Foggy felt like his tongue was glued to the top of his mouth.

“You know?” he said.

“That’s not my dad,” Matt sighed. He patted at his chest and made a sound of disgust at the clothes he was wearing.

“Where—do you know where your dad is then?” Foggy asked.

Matt tsked.

“He should be trying to deal with our devil,” he said.

There was a pregnant pause.

“I got bad news for you, bud,” Foggy said.

Matt sent a boiling face just past him.

“That’s not our devil,” he said. “It’s a devil. Not a demon. They’re different. Ours has been in the family for ages. I know it and I know Dad. That’s how I know that thing’s not either of them.”

That’s it for now friend! I hope this brings you pain/joy whatever it is you’re looking for!

[hwanggeum-ashi]

Love At First Peek

➝Pairing: Kim Taehyung x reader

➝Genre: tooth rotting fluff (don’t blame me for diabetes lmao)

➝Wordcount: 2209

➝Summary: you stalked the nerd so that you can get a free ice cream

You are sitting on the library floor

One book propped open on your lap and rest lying scattered on the ground

You're studying for your upcoming exams.Hence all the books

But they would help only if you were paying attention to them

Coz your whole attention was focused on the boy sitting right across from you

Well not right across coz there's a huge ass bookshelf in between you both

But what is classic book-space-peeping-hole made for right?

You're admiring, no full on staring at him

His soft brown hair which falls over his eyes when he bends his head down

His semi plump lips which he is chewing right now

His long fingers softly holding the pages, just like how you like and not like those animal who just tear the pages off. His fingers glides across the lines he's reading

He's sitting cross legged. His trousers creasing at the folds

But the most cutest thing is how his specs keep sliding down and you can't help but laugh when he sighs for nth time and pushes it back

That's when his eyes meet you

You quickly avert your eyes, flailing your book pages

He's clearly caught you staring

You keep your head down, to scared to lift it up and see what you'll find

After five mins of paranoia, you finally manage to lift your head up only to find him missing from his spot

Your mouth quickly turns into a frown and you decided to gather your books and leave, since you already wasted too much time

Huffing you get up and walk away only to bump into something hard

"Oof!"

"Careful”

You snap your head up immediately regretting coz now you prolly got a nerve pull or something

But it's all worth it

"sorry I wasn't looking"

"here." he hands you the book that had fallen from your hand "it's alright, I should've said something"

Suddenly the proximity of you both dawns upon you and you jump back "I guess, I should go. Thanks"

He smiles at you and steps aside "my pleasure"

You race to your dorm with beating heart and fall face first as soon as you see your bed

You squeal in the pillow, not being able to contain the excitement

But then you sit straight "breath in, breathe out." But then again your face morphs into a stupid smile

Next day you arrive early to the class so there's only a few students there

You scan the classroom coz you know he has this class

How did you know? Duh stalking!

Did you purposely select this class? Ofc not, you're not dumb

Today was the first day of the merger class coz your eco teacher called in sick for a week

So you had to merge with his class

Were you dying? Yes definitely

You see the same brown hair peeking out from the door and you quickly immerse yourself into the  book, pretending to study

With sneaky eyes, you look up to find that he's talking to some guy with all black attire, even his shoes are black. Hot.

But your eyes travel to his lips

How they move when he talks

How soft they look

How kissable they look

You snap out of it when you feel them coming closer

And as per your amazing luck, he spots you "oh!

You're stuck between saying hi, waving or smiling

So you just dumbly mix everything together

To your relief before he could react, the all black boy pulls him to the seat adjacent to yours

Your heart =boom boom

Your brain = malfunctioning

Your brain cell= ded

Your soul= yeeted

You dip your deep enough so that your hair would cover the side of your face

So far so good

Halfway through the class, a pencil rolls down to your side

And as a mother teresa you are, you bend to pick up the pencil

Your hands bumps against a rather beautiful once, Tae's.

But this time you don't pull back coz he doesn't either

You both look up and he gives you smile, you return the gesture

After class you turn into flash and you're outta the class in a second

You Hear voices behind you

A familiar husky, deep voice perks your ears up

"hey man, I'll catch you guys later. Got some work to do" "yeah just be there at . See ya hyung!"

Your heartbeat quickens again

please come talk to me! please come talk to me!

And just by the Lord, there's a tap on your shoulder

Now you know better than to jump him, so you try to turn as graciously as you could

"yes?" yes?! YES?! for real get a grip!

"hi! We uh.. We met at the library? Remember?"

 of fucking course I remember you dumb fool! "oh yeah! Yeah I remember."

"I'm taehyung" he extends his hand and you shake it, giving your name with it.

"so is it fine if I talk to you for a minute?"

 fuck yes!

"yeah, absolutely

"well.." he scratches his hair which messed his specs and you suppress the urge to push them back

"I was wondering if you wanna be uh, you known, my partner for the uh project?"

You stiffen and you swear you can hear the wedding bells going off

"yeah! That will be great!"

He beams at you and you again suppress the urge to kiss him mercilessly

"so... shall we..?"

"don't you need to be going? It's almost five"

The words leave your mouth before you could register what you said

fuck my fucking dumb mouth! He knows! He fucking knows!

He quirked an eyebrow at you but gives you a radiant smile

yep I'm dead

"yeah I gotta be somewhere rn. But we can reschedule?"

You both exchange numbers and go your own ways

You silently thank the universe for not exploding on you

"he knows right? He definitely knows right?" You stuff your mouth with chips as you tell the whole incident to your best friend, who rn is doubling over in laughter

"ofc he knows! Boys always know! Goddamn I'm dying!"

You throw a pillow at her and huff

Next day you're waiting patiently excruciatingly painful for him at the cafe near the campus

You're prolly on your third cup of coffee coz your nerves just won't calm down

he stood me up. He absolutely did!

You hold your head in your hands he knew I was lusting over him!

You were ready to bail, leaving him message saying sorry something came up

But the jingle of the bell marks his arrival

And if you thought you were nervous before? Rn you were definitely bordering into a panic attack

And the damn wedding bells ugh!

 Why won't they stop...idk belling??

He sees you and struts his handsome walk towards you and sits as gracefully like a prince. You felt like a peasant who owns five pigs and a cow

"sorry to keep you waiting! Practice ran late"

Only then you notice that he's a little out of breath he came running!

"that's okay. I only just got here"

"well then you're either super fast or I'm just imagining things coz i see three cups of coffee"

You turn the reddest red of the red unable to say anything

"so.. About the project, Where do we start?"

He takes out his notes and a well maintained diary which had everything written in an organised manner oh my god marry me!

He points out the things to do and you both assign each other duties. After an hour of discussing, your conversation comes to a stop

Turns out you both sucked at holding conversation

he's not interested you shut the voice inside your head

"so.." "so.."

You both say at the same time and burst into giggles

He's just smiling

"you first"  you say coz definitely didn't have anything to say

"I was thinking if.. If you wanted to go somewhere?"

he's asking me on a date?!

He must've read your thoughts but the poor boy looked at your startled expression and got flustered

"uh I mean do you want to go somewhere rn? Since we're done? I mean it's fine if you don't want to-" "yes! I'll go!"

 fuck that came out too strong

"I mean, yeah sounds good"

You both split the bill and head out

You both stroll down the streets and since it's almost Christmas, shops are decorated with lights and candy canes

You talk about random stuff, asking what he wants to do in life and you're quite surprised to hear that he wants to be a singer

Given his choice of subjects you definitely took him for a non med student

"I'm so asking do you to sing" you tease and groans

"I'm not so good yet.." "oh shut up! You're perfect"

You freeze mid walk fuck my fucking mouth!

"uh I mean uh that you'll be perfect! Hey! Is that an  ice cream shop?!"

You point and almost run towards the shop

Tae just smiles behind you and catches up to you

"what flavour do you want?" you ask turning only to see him an inch away from you

You quickly turn back but he doesn't move from his spot

"chocolate" his breath hits the back of your neck and you shiver

"are you cold?" fuck he noticed!

"n-no.. I'm taking brownie fudge"

You both wait for your orders to come up and tae still hasn't moved from his spot.

His breath still fans your neck and there are now horrifyingly visible goosebumps at your arms. Thank god you're wearing a full sleeved shirt. Thank god for winter

Suddenly a bunch of school kids rush in pushing everyone

One of the kid bumps into tae who consequently bumps into you.

He mumbles an apology but it dies down when more kids start entering and causing ruckus

This makes the people standing adjacent to you lose their balance and the bump into you

You shut your eyes but don't feel the body weight

Slowly opening your eyes, you see Tae's arms at both sides of you. His chest pressing against your back.

You're too nervous to move

The shopkeeper rushes the kids out of the shop and everything quiets down

You're again suddenly hyper aware of tae behind you

His body heat radiates off of to you and you suck in a breath when you feel his heart  

thumping

"t-thank you.."

He clears his throat and steps back

You both take your orders and head out suddenly feeling too suffocated in there

"thanks for saving me in there.." You say softly

"it's nothing"

There's a awkward silence and you are racking your brain to make in un-awkward

But tae beats you to it

"it's getting dark.. We should head back to the campus" you say yeah looking up at the sky

The walk back home is pleasant. You both quickly fall back into a nice conversation.

Taehyung laughs his ass off when you accidentally reveal that your best friend had a crush on jungkook and you start panicking

You both reach at the the co-ed hostel

Sign your names and get inside

The boys' floor is on the second and the girls' floor on the first

And there's a door on the stairways to prevent certain activities form happening

You both say your goodbyes at the one last shared staircase

But neither of you moves

Tae breaks the ice first

"it was fun today. I had fun with you"

"me too"

Cue in awkward silence

You're about to turn when he calls "hey! We never made plans for our next meet!"

"oh yeah!" you almost rush towards him but catch yourself the last moment

"the usual?" you ask

"I was thinking a library? I know this big town downtown if you wanna go?"

"yes I would love that"

You both stare at each other for longer than you should

But then he announces that he has to leave and you could swear that you heard dejection in his voice

Tho he says, he has to go, you leave first

You're in your third step when he calls out your name

Again

You turn around and before you could register anything, his lips are on you

You're standing on the last step so you're almost his height

Slowly you take in what's happening

And without you knowing your fingers entangle in his hair

His soft fucking hair

His hands fly up to hold your waist tightly, pulling your against him

He slips in his tongue and you almost moan coz of the feeling

At last sadly he pulls back and you both catch your breaths

A smile tugging at both your lips

"sorry for that. Had to check something"

He says with the same breathlessness as he did at the cafe

"check what?" your voice is croaky

"whether am I in love with you or not"

Your foreheads are touching

Breathes mingling

"did you find your answer?"

"yes"

"and it is?"

"I'm in love with you"

"I'm in love with you too"

@getmemyfries @rosytteok @manggojooz @jeongguksdoll @minstrivia @minlucent @cherrynochu @taeveler

[nastybuckybarnes]

Wicked Games  -  Four

Pairing: Bucky x Reader Soulmate AU

Summary: Everyone in the world has a soulmate. And until they meet that soulmate, everyone in the world stops aging at 25. Wrongfully accused of a horrendous crime and on the run, you happen to bump into the man who’s been avoiding you for the past seventy-five years.

Warnings: Language, Fluff? Rape and Abuse mentions

Word Count: 2.1K

A/n: I’m really tired rn and idk how good this chapter is. I just wanna write the spicy stuff lmao

MASTERLIST 1  2   3 Series Masterlist

~*~

“Eat.” You startle awake as a bowl of mush is tossed into your lap.

“Why?” You ask, not understanding why this cop hasn’t turned you in yet.

“Because if you don’t you’ll die,” he says matter-of-factly. You roll your eyes and struggle into a seated position in the bathtub. “It’ll kinda be hard to eat with my hands stuck behind my fucking back,” you snap, not bothering to try and stay on his good side.

“Jesus Christ,” he murmurs, leaning down and carefully uncuffing one of your wrists only to cuff it again in front of you. “Now eat. Then we talk.” You roll your eyes but scoop some of the mush up on your fingers and carefully bring it to your mouth, tasting it with the tip of your tongue then shovelling it into your mouth.

Bucky watches you with a disgusted look on his face as you scarf down the food.

“Why did you kill Rumlow?” He asks after a minute of you eating. You look up at him then back down to the bowl of food. “You’re not legally allowed to question me until I have a lawyer present,” you inform. He rolls his eyes and crosses his arms over his thick chest. “I’m not in uniform. I’m asking you as the man who saved your life. Maybe the only man interested in actual justice and not revenge. If you’d tell me why you killed him this would all be so much easier.” You chew slowly then shake your head.

“I’ve learned not to trust cops,” is how you reply. It’s more than enough to clue Bucky in.

“C’mon. Get up. You’re gonna take a shower and get changed and then you’re gonna give me the reasons as to why you’ve been on the run this whole time. If you listen and you’re good, I’ll be able to help you. Got it?” You nod slowly, allowing him to carefully pull you to your feet.

“I’m gonna let you out of your cuffs and lock the door. Just know that I’ll be waiting outside with my taser and pepper spray, should you get any ideas about escaping. You’re stuck here with me. Towels are in the cabinet and there’s body wash in the shower somewhere. I do advise cleaning all this blood up first though.” he nods to the sticky substance coating the floor and walls of the bathtub. You nod and let him help you out of the tub.

“You have twenty minutes. There are no windows in here and only one door that I can lock from the outside. You have no way of getting out so don’t even try.” You slump your shoulders but nod again, rubbing your raw wrists after h takes the cuffs off.

“Twenty minutes start now.”

He leaves the bathroom and locks the door. After standing there for three minutes, you turn the water on as hot as it goes and let it wash away the blood dirtying the tub. Once the tub is clean you strip off your clothes and grab a facecloth from the closet. It takes a moment to find your courage, but you’re glad you do because the hot water feels absolutely incredible on your aching skin.

The pressure is perfect and cleans the mud, blood, and grime of the past few days right off of your skin.

You enjoy the warmth for a moment then get down to business; ignoring the pain in your wrists as you begin washing your body with the mahogany body wash.

You feel clean and refreshed, your hair finger-combed and washed with an expensive looking shampoo that smells like lilac.

Once you're finished you step out of the shower and wrap yourself in a fluffy white towel, looking around the room and pondering what to do next. You know you can’t escape, so there’s no point in trying.

Something inside of you is telling you to trust this cop. That he’s not like the others and he'll actually help you. He won’t be like Rumlow.

The still-prominent bruises and cuts all over your body remind you of just how awful Brock was, and you shudder.

“Are you decent?” He asks through the door, snapping you out of your haze. “I... you didn’t give me any clean clothes,” you say softly, afraid that he’ll take advantage of your vulnerable state.

“I know.” The door opens and you scream as he walks in, terrified and cowering in the corner. “Please don't! I-I’ll do anything! Please don't!” He freezes in his tracks, curses twice, then tosses a bundle of something at your feet and dashes out of the bathroom, locking the door behind himself.

You wait for a moment, tears streaming down your cheeks as your heart races, then end down and inspect the pile of stuff. He’s given you a t-shirt, a pair of boxers with the tags still on, and a pair of sweatpants that look three sizes too fucking gigantic.

Nevertheless, you put the clothes on then sit on the floor across from the toilet, your eyes focused on the door as you hear the lock click.

“(Y/n)... I... fuck. I won’t touch you, okay? Not... not like that. I won’t take advantage of you or anything. I promise. Okay?” You wipe your cheeks and watch as the door slowly opens. Bucky looks at you, all curled up in a ball on the floor, and his heart breaks.

“He touched you, didn’t he?” You don’t look up at him, nodding your head yes.

“(Y/n) I’m going to be very blunt with you now, you have to answer me truthfully because this will change the entire case. Did Brock Rumlow sexually assault you?” You nod once more, biting back a sob.

“Fucking Hell...” He trails off and scratches the nape of his neck. “I always knew he was a bad guy, but I never thought...” he looks at you then takes a deep breath. “Do you have any cuts or bruises from him?” You glare up at him and shake your head, not liking where this is going.

“I’ll stay right here. I just... I need to see them. It will make everything a lot easier for you.” You take a deep breath and carefully pull the shirt off, feeling embarrassed at being shirtless in front of this stranger. But some strange part of you is telling you that this is fine.

He sucks in a sharp breath when he sees your torso.

Your ribs are darkened, stained with bruises from either cracks or full breaks to the bones. You have multiple deep cuts that look like they’ve been stitched together by a three-year-old, and other fading bruises that cover the rest of your body. Around your neck are still very prominent bruises in the shape of fingers, indicating that you’ve been choked, and he can see similar bruises on your hips.

“C-can I put it back on now?” You ask, your voice wavering. He nods and looks away as you pull the shirt back on.

“Jesus. Come out here. I’m gonna make you some tea and you’re gonna start talking, understand?” You nod your head yes and follow him out of the bathroom, fighting tears the whole way as you realize you’ll have to relive everything that awful man did to you.

~

Bucky’s quiet as he boils the kettle, mulling over everything he’s just found out.

You most likely killed Rumlow in self-defence, called the cops to tell them that, then hung up because you remembered that they probably won’t take your side over their dead buddy’s anyway.

He slides a steaming mug over to you and you stir in a spoonful of honey. “Thank you, officer.” He shakes his head at you. “James. My name is James.” You nod and keep your eyes down. “So he hurt you, huh?” You don’t answer, taking a sip of the hot beverage and trying to block out the painful memories.

“Well... this changes things. I’m almost thinking we should hand this case over to a different police department because ours is too personally attached to the case. But Pierce would never accept that. Fuck, this is a mess, isn’t it?” You nod, not looking up from the speckled grey countertop.

“Hey, I’m not gonna hurt you. Relax. You’re safe here with me, I promise. Hell, this is the safest you’ll probably ever be. Nobody will hurt you here.” You nod skeptically and take another sip of tea, letting the liquid burn your tongue and throat on the way down.

“What’s gonna happen to me?” You can’t stop the words from slipping out, but he doesn’t seem to hate the question. “You’ll stay here for a little while. Get better while I see who at the station is open minded. Then... I don’t know.” You nod, biting your bottom lip.

“Do you know why he did that stuff to you?” He asks softly, wanting to figure out why on earth Rumlow would want to harm someone who looks so delicate and fragile. You look up into his eyes for a split second, displaying that you have information that he needs and wants, then look back down to your tea.

“I don’t expect you to tell me everything right away, but you will need to come clean and confess at some point. Okay?” you nod, understanding that much. “Good. Now I-” knocking on the door cuts him off and you snap your head up. “Buck? It’s me, Steve. Open up.” Your heart drops as you recognize the voice of one of the cops who chased you through Walmart.

“Go up the stairs into the first room on the right. It’s a guest bedroom that nobody ever goes in. Hurry!” You discard your tea and run as fast and as quietly as you can up the stairs and into the room, closing the door halfway and sitting on the floor, one hand covering your mouth as you try to slow your heart rate.

“Hey Steve,” James’ muffled voice says from downstairs.

“Thought I’d see how you were doing. You were pretty heated at work the other day and pretty distracted yesterday. I just wanted to make sure you’re alright.” That’s the second man, Steve.

“I’m... tired. Confused. Frustrated. I just want this case to solve itself. I mean, it doesn’t make sense for her to just kill him, there must’ve been a reason. And there was clearly a fight between the two fo them. What if she was the victim but got the upper hand somehow? What if he's been abusing her this whole time and she finally had enough?”

Steve whistles, “you’ve been thinking about this a lot, haven't you?” You hear James sigh. “Yeah. I’ve had to. I don’t want to send an innocent person to jail, Steve. There’s just so much we’re missing from the story and I want to have it all figured out already.” You hear them moving around below you.

“I’m sure we will, Bucky. But it’s gonna take time and patience. But we'll figure this out. I promise.”

You hear someone sigh again. “I just... what if she’s hurt? What if Rumlow... what if it’s him who’s the bad guy in all of this and she’s just.... innocent?” You hold your breath as you wait for Steve’s response.

“Then we’d better find her and help her.”

~

The door gets slowly pushed open and you watch as James walks in. He sits down across from you on the floor and stares at you.

“Steve’s gonna be seeing who at the station is open-minded, and from there we’ll decide what to do. If things are really rough, we might send you to a different. police station to confess. But until then you’re gonna be staying here with me. I’m the only one who knows you’re here and I’d like to keep it that way.”

You stare at him as he stands up and offers you his hand, hesitating for a moment before putting your hand in his and letting him pull you to your feet.

The feeling of his skin against yours sends a spark of electricity racing down your spine, a shiver of pleasure following right after it.

His eyes widen for the briefest of moments and you swear you see genuine fear in them, your own eyes widening as warmth spreads from where your hands are touching.

He drops your hand quickly then motions for you to follow him out of the room, leading you back downstairs to the kitchen to grab a snack and finish your tea.

~

TAGS: PERMANENT TAGS:

@smolbeanbucky @wildefire @inumorph @impalatobakerstreet @nanna022 @mummy-woves-you @m-a-t-91 @wtfholland @bookgirlunicorn @beautifulwisdom2001 @deep-sea-glitter @mrhiddles-81 @iamwarrenspeace @bitchacho25 @escapetheshackles @i-know-i-can @buckyssoul @avnngrs @swoonhui

MARVEL:

@fallenangelfangirl @look-to-the-stars-and-wish @maladaptive-ninja-returns @cliffordasparagus @april-14-blog @potteritis

Wicked Games:

@lilypalmer1987 @bisexualfangirlsblog @i-am-always-famished @clarysthing @starkxpotts @e-wolf-98 @i-run-on-green-tea @nerd-without-a-cause @jamesbuckybarnes13 @theonelittleone @bradfordsgreekgod @littledeadrottinghood @ashlebetty @izhetbean @mu-mu-rs @bruisedfaye @bisoueffleurer @itsphinee @spnsquirrel @my-suga-kookies

Bucky:

@chuuulip @nerd-without-a-cause @natashasnight

[sonofadeanwinchester]

Now and Again

Summary: After joining the Avengers, you start dating the one and only Bucky Barnes but when you get a call from some old friends, you drop everything to help, including Bucky. (Or so he thinks)

Words: 4183 (kinda got carried away)

Bucky Barnes x Reader; Dean Winchester x Reader; Sam Winchester x Reader

Warnings: Swearing; angsty? ; 

A/N: This was requested by an anon, so here you are! Also, I’m really sorry if I didn’t tag you. My list of who is on my tag list got deleted so I’m just going based on my last post. Pls, let me know if you were/are/or wanna be tagged. 

Tags:   @221bshrlocked @marvelouslyme96@shellymaesworld@titty-teetee @pawallday @chameerah@buckylicious@nerdywitch @teresaoliva20 @guera31 @i-should-probably-be-asleep-rn @ssweet-empowerment@jhangelface0523@sarahp879 @parkerrpeterr @bxxbxy @mrs-meghan-winchester  @yknott81 @thejemersoninferno@yeahbutmarvel@kaleidoscopez96  

“I’d like to welcome the newest member of the team, (y/n).” I stand there, my hands shoved deep inside of my pockets, switching my weight from foot to foot. “Now”, Cap says, “I know we’ve taken a hit the past couple of times with some of us gone or taking a break, but she’s gonna help a lot. She was personally trained by Natasha for almost 5 years now.”

A snort in the back of the room catches my attention. Who the fuck is laughing? I stand on my tippy toes to see a tall man, with shoulder length black hair and stunning blue eyes, smirking at me and Cap. I could only see from his chest up but he was very large, very thick. He smiled and winked. “Sorry darling, but how do you think being trained by Nat is gonna help this team at all? She was trained since childhood to be a deadly assassin. You’ve only had her for five years.”

I click my tongue, look at Steve and he nods. “Why don’t I show you how five years has paid off?”I take my hands out of my pocket, tie back my hair and walk slowly towards the man. He stands there, arms crossed over his large chest and shakes his head. “Aw. You’re scared to hurt a girl?” He furrows his brow and I hit him suddenly in the chest with my fist, grabbing his arm and twisting it behind his back, almost landing him on his knees. “I wouldn’t feel too bad about it.”He snorts. Glancing from my face to my feet, he slid a foot behind my kneecap breaking my footing, making me fall to the ground. I lay on my chest, panting and thinking of my next move. 

He brings his face down to speak, “I don’t feel bad, darling.”

“Good.” I elbow him in the face, causing him to fall backward. I run over to where he stands, holding his nose, jumping into the air and wrapped my legs around his neck, bringing him to the floor with me. I sit on his neck, his hands pinned behind my back. His face turning a little red, I cock a brow. I feel him pat my ass in surrender. I stand up, allowing him to gasp for air. I reach my hand down, pulling him to his feet. “(Y/N)” 

He nods, “Steve’s told me all about you.” He smirks. “I’m Bucky.”

4 YEARS LATER 

“Baby where are you going?” Bucky’s sleepy voice startles me as I grab my bag, looking over my shoulder as he sits up. His long hair every which way and his shirtless chest showing proudly his new arm from T’Challa. He sighs, rubbing his stubbled chin. “Hm?”

I walk over to him, sitting beside his blanket covered body. “I’m going to meet my friends. We discussed this yesterday.”

He glanced at the clock. “But it’s not even 5 AM yet.”

I nod. “I know love but they’re early risers.” 

He sighs, wrapping his arms around me laying backward, forcing my body on top of his. “How long will you be gone?” I shrug. “You don’t know?” I shake my head, kissing the tip of his nose. “A week?” No reply from me. “Two weeks?” Still nothing. “A month?”

I place my forehead against his chin. “I don’t know baby. They like to travel and I haven’t seen them since I started this gig.” He rolled his eyes. “Listen to me, I’m gonna be fine. I’ve known them since I was a kid. They’re really good guys.”

Bucky froze, his breathing hitched in his throat. “Guys?” I nod.” You never mentioned you were running away with two or more men.”

I laugh. “I didn’t think it was necessary and it’s only two guys.”

He scoffs. “I think it’s pretty necessary that you tell me the gender.”

“Why? You think I’m going to abandon my boyfriend of four years and run away with some guy from my past?” 

He shakes his head. “That’s almost the plot of every romantic comedy I’ve seen.”

I kiss his lips quickly. “Babe, trust me.” He nods and kisses me again. “I’ll call you when I get there.”

He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I love you (y/n).”

“I love you too Buck.”

--

Sitting inside of a small local diner a few hours away from the Avengers complex, I sip my coffee and read the local newspaper. A man disappeared without a trace in his locked apartment, no sign of a break in or forced entry. Everything was left where it was, according to his close friends. Nothing was taken only the man. A loud roar of an engine startles me, distracting me from reading. I look up just as two tall men walk into the diner, glancing around until they spotted me. The guys walked briskly over to where I was sitting, pulling into two huge bear hugs. “It’s way too long (y/n).” The taller one, Sam, says as he hugs me tightly. “When was the last time I saw you? Like 5 years ago?” I nod and he hugs me again, chuckling. His brother Dean, pushes Sam out of the way, engulfing me into an even bigger bear hug. 

Both boys are much much taller than me so their arms wrap around my waist, touching their arms. “Damn girl, it’s been too long. I missed my little short stack.” I punched him playfully. “What? You don’t like that name now?”

“Oh Deano, I never liked that name.” I wink, returning to my chair and flagging the waitress down. She comes over, pouring me more coffee but ends up spilling it on the table as she stares at the men across from me. “You can stop pouring now.”She shoots me a look like she was going to say something sassy but sees the dark brown liquid on the table. “Oh, I’m so sorry.”

I wink. “They’re just men, you know. You don’t have to gawk and stare, you could always say hi.” Her face turns a deep shade of scarlet as she nods, cleaning the mess up quickly and turning away.

“Wow, you haven’t changed a bit.” Sam chuckles, glancing at the menu. “It’s been five years and you’re still just as cranky as ever.”

I flip Sam the finger and smirk. “Can’t go through this life without being a little cranky. Too many dark moments to be happy about.”

Dean’s eyes glaze over as he stares at me. “You’ve been hunting?” He points at the paper. I shake my head. “Not really, just been reading. Might’ve found a case though.”

Sam grabs the paper from under my arms. “Huh. This guy goes missing in a locked apartment, no sign of forced entry or a break in. His friends and neighbors say nothing was taken or moved.” He squinted his eyes, bringing the paper closer to his eyes. “There is a symbol on his wall.”

Dean takes the paper, squinting the same as he brings it close to his eyes. “Well, what do ya know Short Stack, you found a case.”

--

“So how’s everyone doing?” I ask Bucky as I lay on a dingy old bed in some shitty motel the guys found. We got conjoined rooms despite how much I said I didn’t mind sharing a room with them, Sam thought it would be more appropriate this way.

Bucky sighed, I could hear him shuffling around in the background. “Fine.” He cut his answer short, almost as if he was upset with me. “How are you doing?”

“Fine.” I knew I shouldn’t be petty with him or get under his nerves but he should know better that I would never ever cheat on him, let alone with someone who is like a brother to me. He snorted. “Well, goodnight.”

“What?” I sat straight up.

“I said goodnight.”

“Fuck you, James. You do not get to say goodnight while apparently being pissed at me.” I fought angry tears from my eyes.

“I’m not angry.”

“Horseshit.” I was standing now, pacing my room. “Tell me what’s wrong. Now.”

He sighed again and I could picture him sitting on the edge of our shared bed, running a hand through his unmanageable hair. “I just miss you is all. It’s been three weeks and you still don’t know when you’re coming home.”

I leaned against the wall. “I know. I miss you too but what I’m doing here with the guys is important, it helps people.”

“How does being shacked up with two grown ass men help people?” His voice dropped with jealousy. “I know you grew up with them but it bothers me to know that they get to see you every day that I can’t. That they can hug you or talk to you or sing with you when I can’t. I’ve seen the way other men look at you (y/n). I’m not fucking blind. You’re a prize to be won and these guys aren’t any different.”

A prize to be won? Did he really just say that to me? I scoffed, a fit angry tears starting to roll down my cheeks. “You think I’m a prize to be won? Is that what I am to you Buck, just some fucking prize that you get to flaunt around in front of everyone else?”

 “No, that’s not what I mea-” 

I cut him off quickly. “Don’t bother explaining. I’ll let you know when I’m coming home.” I hit the end button without saying goodbye or that I loved him. 

The following day, my mood was shit to say that least. I was short and sarcastic with the boys, rude to our waitresses and just downright bitchy to everyone I came in contact with. 

Leaving the diner, Dean pulled the car over, putting into park and got out. I looked at Sam and he shrugged, following suit as he got out after his brother. I opened the door and Dean slammed it. “I need Sam, just a second.” 

My eyes filled with tears, first my boyfriend and now my two oldest friends. I watched the boys mouths move, Dean running a hand over his face as he glanced now and then at me then back at Sam. Sam nodded and opened the door for me. Dean sighed, “come on out.”

I stood to my feet, arms crossed along my chest, leaning against the Impala Dean called ‘Baby’. “What?”

He scoffed. “I’ve known you since we were 10 (y/n) and in all those years you only acted this way when David Bernio broke up with you in the 10th grade. So who’s the unlucky bastard?” He cocked a brow as he looked at Sam who stood with a look of pity on his face, his hands deep in his pockets. 

I sighed. “You wouldn’t know him,” 

Dean smirked. “No shit Sherlock. There is a lot of people in this great country.”

“His name is Bucky.”

He snorted. “Bucky? Like yucky but with a B?” I nodded. “Okay, where did you and Mr yucky with a B meet?”

I forgot that I didn’t tell anyone about me joining the Avengers or my training over the past five years. “You’re not going to believe me.” They both cocked a brow as if to say ‘try me’ and I nodded. Starting from the very beginning when Natasha found me locked up in a jail cell for assaulting a man who was trying to sexually assault a young girl in an alleyway. She took me back to her apartment and cleaned me up, explaining to me who she was and how she found me. She informed that she had been watching me for a few months now and was interested in training me. I laughed at her when she said this as if she was Mr. Miyagi to my Daniel. She let me rest that night on her couch and the following day she took me a training room. For days and weeks on end, she was defeating me. Finally, she brought up how weak I was and how I needed to be stronger to stop the bad men in the world from harming other women. This triggered something in me and from that day forward, I was one of her best students.I cleared my throat. 

“So from day one of joining the Avengers, Bucky has been there for me. At first, he was just an asshole who liked to bug me but then on a few missions, we grew closer and realized our feelings weren’t of hate but actually of love. So I’ve been dating him ever since.”

Dean stood with his mouth wide open. Sam was smirking. “So-” 

Dean shook his head. “You’re a fucking avenger? Like you run around with the dude in the giant American flag and the huge green guy?” I nodded. “What the fuck?”

Sam smiled, pulling me in for a hug. “Well, (y/n), I’m proud of you. Even if that means you get to run around with Captain America and the Hulk.” Dean looked at him, his face contorted. “What? I keep up with the Avengers. They deal with the things they know about, same as us. They deal with the bad guys and we deal with the bad monsters.”

“Dude, you did not just seriously compare us to the Avengers.” Sam smiled and nodded. “Fine, I get to be the dude with the freaky arrow power.”

“Clint but his code name is Hawkeye.”

“Hm?” Dean turned to me.

“His name is Clint.” I shuffled a little, my gaze dropping to the dirt road. “But his code name is Hawkeye.”

“Why?” Dean laughed. 

Sam hit him. “Because he has a remarkable aim. He hardly ever misses his target.” Dean rolled his eyes and Sam laughed. “So, do we get to meet them?”

I shook my head. “Bucky thinks I’m cheating on him with one of you.” The boys glanced at each other then back to me and burst into a fit of laughter. “I know, that’s what I said to him but he has a jealous spree in him.”

Sam came closer to me and kissed the top of my head. “You got nothing to worry about kiddo.”

--

The hunt seemed to be taking much longer than I had thought it would. We had been talking to the locals, searching high and low through lore and even Dean had given a hand into looking into things; but to no avail. Two more people had died since we arrived in Dallas and it was starting to frustrate the hell out of us. “If only John was here” I mumbled under my breath. I looked up to catch a glance of the boys staring at me, it had only been a few years since their father was sent to hell for good. “Sorry.”

Sam shook his head, his chestnut hair brushing his shoulder. “Dad would be a great help right now, you’re right, don’t apologize.” I smiled tightly and he sighed. “So we got this thing that we know nothing about. Dad’s journal is no use nor is any of the local legends or lore. I’ve searched the web high and low and zilch.” Just then my phone started ringing, I glanced the name but pressed decline. “You’re gonna have to answer him eventually, kid.”

I shook my head. “He doesn’t trust me enough to be with my childhood friends. He doesn’t seem to trust me period. I mean, Dean is good looking but Jesus he is conceited.”

Dean made a face. “What?”

I shrugged. “Listen, just-” The phone started again. 

Dean lunged across the couch and grabbed it before I could decline. “(y/n)’s phone.” He spoke in his professional tone. “Ah, you must be Bucky. I’ve heard all about you buddy.” He smirked at me as he paced the room, raising the phone just out of my reach. “Why is she ignoring you? Good question, you should ask her yourself.” He stopped pacing, nodded his head and chuckled. “Oh, that’s right. She isn’t taking your phone calls.”

“Dammit Dean, give me the phone.” I was on my tip toes now trying to reach what was just out of the way. He shook his head. “So listen, I just wanna clear the air and say that my brother and myself have zero intentions of sleeping or even hitting on your girlfriend.” He sat on the arm of the couch and slouched slightly. “That’s right, we’re just good old pals of hers.” 

As he sat, I ran for the phone and grabbed it out of his hand. “Ha!” I walked to the other side of the room and took a deep breath. “What do you want Buck?”

I could hear the tremor in his voice and could picture his blue eyes filled with tears. “You’re not sleeping with them?”

I scoffed. “The fact that you even thought I was, at any point is offensive. I told you before that they are just friends from my past, from before you and the team. They needed my help with something so I decided to help.”

He sniffed. “Okay.”

Okay? That’s all you have to say is okay? I sighed. “Goodnight Bucky.”

“No, wait-” He tried to stop me but mid-sentence I pressed end.

“Well, that’s awkward. Quite the winner you got there Short Stack.” Dean chuckled.

“Whatever, let’s just finish this case so I can go back to New York.” I sighed, leaning against the large stack of books on the old worn table.

--

“So you haven’t seen or heard anything out of the ordinary?” Sam was questioning the lasts victims neighbor.

She shook her head, her grey hair falling out of the tight bun slightly. “I’m sorry Officer but I didn’t. She was such a nice girl; so kind and polite. She brought me baked goods and sweet tea after my James died a few years back. It’s such a shame that someone would want to hurt her.” 

Sam nodded his head and thanked the lady for her time. I had gotten lost in my thoughts when she spoke of her late husband James as that was Bucky’s first name. I shook my head as the boys came back to the car where I was leaning against it. “Anything?”

Dean shook his head. “None of the neighbors’ seen or heard anything the night before or on that Catherine went missing. They all swore up and down that she was the best thing since apple pie. But man, something doesn’t feel right.” The words coming out of his mouth just seem to fade away as my thoughts drifted again. I heard a snapping in front of me. “Hello? Earth to (y/n)? What’s going on with you today?

”I cleared my throat and stood straight pulling my blouse down. “Nothing.”

“Mhmm.” He used a tone that made it clear that he didn’t believe me. “I don’t want to alarm anyone but there is a striking man staring at us from across the street. He’s been there for 30 minutes now.”

I turned my head slightly and looked at the fruit stand across the street. Long and behold there stood Bucky, his hand holding a back of what looked like plums and a sad look on his face. “Bucky,” I whispered.

“That gorgeous looking man is Bucky? The guy who-”

“Shut up Dean.” Sam elbowed him. “(y/n) you okay?”

I nodded. “Uh, yeah. Just give me a second, okay?” The boys nodded and I left them to cross the street. “What are you doing here?” I asked Bucky as I approached where he was standing. My tone came out a little harsher than I wanted but I was annoyed that he would be here to check up on me or whatever he was doing. “Surely you’re not just here for the plums.”

He half smiled, his gaze drifting to the road. “You got me.”

“What are you doing here Bucky.” Not a question but a statement. I wanted to know why he thought it was okay to just follow me here. “Better yet, how did you find me?”

He chewed his lip. “We work for the Avengers, we have intel on everyone and where they are.” I shook my head in disbelief that he would use those on me. “I’m not here to fight or yell at you or even to check on you. I’m here to tell you that I believe you.”

“Believe me? You should have never doubted me, Buck. We’ve been together for 4 years, you should’ve known that I would never risk this relationship for anything.” He nodded. “That’s the only reason for the visit?”

Again, he chewed his bottom lip. “I wanted to meet them, the childhood friends of yours. I don’t know what you’re doing to help them but-”

“You don’t wanna know.” 

His brow furrowed. “What does that mean?” I shrugged shoving my hands into my suit pant pockets. “And why do you look like a fancy ass lawyer?”

I chuckled. “It’s that you don’t wanna know, it’s more like you won’t believe me if I tell you.”

He laughed. “Babe, I’m 101 years old but I only look to be in my 30s. Nothing would surprise me at this point.”

“Wanna bet?” I smirked. ��I’ll bet you $10 that I surprise you with this.”

He reached out a hand, “Deal.”

--

“So you’re the infamous Bucky?” Dean asked as he sat across from him in a diner later that day. “I’ve heard some stuff about you buddy.”

“Oh? What’s that?” Bucky asked as he took a sip of his coffee. 

Dean shrugged. “Well, for one, you don’t trust Short Stack here, which is a mistake might I add. She’s the most faithful and loyal person I have ever met, and that’s saying a lot in my line of work.”

“Short Stack?” He looked at me confused.

I sighed, my cheeks turning slightly pink. “I’ve known Dean and Sam since I was 10 and they’ve always been a head taller than me. So Dean thought it would be funny to remind me every time he speaks about our height difference, hence, Short Stack was born.”

Bucky smiled. “You are little.” I punched him playfully. “Now, can someone explain to me what this line of work is and why all of you are wearing cheap suits?”

Over the next two hours, we sat in that little diner, sipping coffee and telling Bucky about all the things that go bump in the night. As Dean spoke about the very beginning of how his mother had passed away, to Sam’s girlfriend being killed by the same thing, all the way up to today where we were hunting something we couldn’t quite put our fingers on. He took a deep sigh, reached into his back pocket and pulled out a $10 bill. I chuckled. “I told you.” The boys raised a brow. “I bet Bucky earlier that this shit would surprise him, he didn’t think so.”

Sam nodded, sipping his coffee once more. “Yeah, this line of work is weird and it’s hard but it’s what we know and we’re good at it. And (y/n)’s been doing it with us up until she disappeared five years ago and apparently joined the Mighty Avengers.”

I laughed. “We’re not that mighty, just a group of people with extraordinary gifts that we use for the greater good.”

Dean scoffed. “What’s your special gift then?” He looked at Bucky. 

Bucky sighed, shoving his sleeve up to reveal his metal arm. Dean almost spit out his drink. “I got some weird stories of my own.”

So twenty minutes later, after Bucky explained everything from joining the army to Steve becoming Captain America and finding him in Zola’s experiment room. All the way to how he was put into cryo-freeze after fighting Tony and the others so that he wouldn’t harm anyone else and waking up in Wakanda. “So here I am with a metal arm and some weird super juice running through my veins.”

Dean looked at the two of us skeptical but inquisitive. “So.” He licked his lips. “You’re dating a 101-year-old man?”

I shrugged, nodding. “I guess so but he has the body of a mid-thirty-year-old man so it’s fine.”

He cleared his throat. “So. You can still like perform as a thirty-year-old?”

Bucky’s face deepens into a shade of red. “If you’re talking about sex, then yes.”

I sat back in the booth, finally content with how my life was going. I was an Avenger, trained by one of the most deadly assassins in the world. The love of my life was back and he wasn’t doubting my faithfulness to him any longer and he was sitting across from my two oldest friends having the strangest of conversations with them. I smiled to myself thinking about how nice it was to be somewhat normal now and again.

[alrightinbed-betterwithapen]

Break up, Make up ~ Anon Request Pt. 2 ~ David Dobrik x Reader

A/N: You can find Part 1 here! I’m sticking to a bullet list format with this one as well cause I dont wanna fuck with punctuation and proper grammar rn. Hope y’all enjoy!

Masterlist

Summary: Anon requested a headcannon on (Y/N) and David’s first fight. I kinda turned it into your first big, serious fight with David and this is the make up part of that headcannon.

~~~

The logistics of it are fucked. You’ve spent the last four months at David’s place and you didn’t have access to your chargers, contact lenses, or toothbrush. (Like fine, you can buy most of that, but you were banished to use your glasses for the foreseeable future because your pride wasn’t allowing you to reach out to him.)

David is a wreck. Alone in LA with all his friends in Miami. He was loosing footage and, more importantly, the girl he was in love with. Natalie stayed behind and was his only outlet at this point, but he was trying not to bug her. He was an obvious mess though.

David asks Liza to come over when they all get back. He lets Natalie know to text everyone he needed the night and prepared for an uneasy conversation.

Yeah, (Y/N) was right. Liza was feeling just as bad as his gf said she was. His ex was actually stoked that he canceled, not maliciously, but to avoid the close quarters without his gf there. Liza said it was eating at her and it’s like she’s forcing herself to not move on.

David wanted to puke.

He’d hurt two of the people he’d loved the most and didn’t even realize it. He didn’t even stop to think about it. He can’t help sobbing.

Liza doesn’t hold him, he doesn’t want her to. He just wants to bury into himself and never leave. Liza cries too.

It’s shitty. Liza and him agree they need time apart. They need separation, at least she did. Not forever, not permanently. They would always share the core of their friends. But it was too fresh for one of them and too close for the other. Pretending everything was okay needed to stop.

Liza knows he’s in love with you. And she says she will never stand in the way or even let their old relationship be an option. She wants him to be happy. That’s all she’s ever wanted.

Then she’s gone. And David still wants to vomit.

He doesn’t want Liza back and he thinks there’s a good chance he won’t ever get you back. All because he couldn’t see outside of himself. He’s so good at that usually. At least he thought he was. The pain is enormous and all he wants is for you to hold him.

The VS are eerily quiet about the whole thing. Carly and Erin come over to your place a couple days after they get back. It’s weird having them there. It felt wrong, but you were glad for the company none the less.

They skirt around the topic for a while until Carly breaks. She outright asks what’s up and you begrudgingly tell them. They’d gathered the separation part, but not how or why.

The girls aren’t super shocked, apparently everybody saw it coming but David.

They tell you he looks like shit. He’s not himself. And Erin thinks it’s creepy how easily David can slip into his vlog voice while looking like utter misery behind the camera. Carly thinks it’s creepier that he’s stop playing music altogether through his house wide speakers. You can only shrug. They don’t press it.

It’s week four of solitude for you when you finally cave. You text Natalie asking when David will be gone so you can grab your stuff. The bitch leaves you on read. (You know she’s doing it on purpose so you have to talk to him.)

You send out a short text and he says he’ll be home editing all night. You definitely don’t put it off until way too late in the night. Nope, you’re actually very busy having multiple mental breakdowns on your couch until well after ten.

You try to not to look like hell, but you don’t think it works when you walk into his house and David spins in place in the kitchen, looking at you pitifully after he takes in your form.

But hey, he looks like garbage too, so you feel better. (Only a little though.)

You swallow around the lump in your throat and make your way into the master bedroom. You don’t want to wait for words. You want this to be done.

He watches you from the doorframe in his room. He stares sadly as you pull chargers together and go back and forth from the bathroom to the bed, collecting items.

He knows he’s crying, but he won’t acknowledge it, he just lets it happen and doesn’t even wipe at his face.

You can’t look at him. Tears on David’s face for any reason made you ache. You couldn’t look at him now.

“You were right.” He says once it seems you have neared the end of your search, stepping into the room fully. “About Liza. I talked to her when she got back and she said it’s killing her. I- we agreed to like, step back from the friendship. It’s hurting everybody... I didn’t mean to hurt anybody. I didn’t. And I’ll regret it the rest of my life.”

“I get it. I get why you can’t do it. I’m sorry, (Y/N). I’m really fucking sorry and I hope you know I do love you. I have never felt the way you make me feel before. I love you more than ex’s, more than revenue and ad sense, more than the fucking vlogs.”

He’s rambling.

“Which I didn’t think was possible, and I don’t know what that says about how fucked in the head I am... but, I do. I love you more than all of that. And I hope you know that. Even if it doesn’t mean anything to you and you do need to move on from this... from us... I think you should know you’re it for me. Even if it’s too late.”

He’s finally wiping at his eyes, not wanting to look at your torn face anymore. There’s not enough fabric in the world and his sleeves are getting soaked with tears.

“I don’t want you to have to choose between-,” you’re saying after several long moments of silence. He doesn’t let you finish.

“Well, fuck you, because I am! I choose you. You can dislike that all you fucking want, but it’s done! It’s you, you’re it! You’ve been chosen. Deal with it.”

You can’t help caving completely, not after seeing David lay everything out there, begging you to stay but giving you an out even though it killed him. He looks like the most broken boy in LA.

You also can’t help closing the distance between the two of you until you’re standing right before him. Gently, slowly, you lean your head forward onto his chest and just rest it there.

You can hear his sniffles still, even as he’s winding his arms around you, pulling you flush against him so you can bury your face into his chest and wrap your arms around his back, hands balling up in the hoodie he was wearing.

He’s pulling your face up and resting your forehead against his. Your tear stained faces match and you just stare into one another, finally back in the others embrace.

“Okay. I’ll deal with it.” You break the silence, kissing the chapped soft lips you’ve been so desperately missing.

[evescole]

In Too Deep // Bucky Barnes

word count: 2,450

pairing: (bucky barnes x natasha romanoff) x reader

warnings: angst & sadness, cursing, some dark thoughts, not a happy ending kids

summary: you finally reach a breaking point with bucky and his relationship with natasha

a/n: oh look eva’s writing about her life again. this literally sucks sorry i’ve been so inactive the words just don’t wanna work rn. inspired off the song In Too Deep by Why Don’t We. part two for Dancing On My Own!

part one

masterlist

ask me stuff

--

The weeks following your revelation to Steve didn’t get any better. In fact, it only got worse.

Your emotions had overwhelmed you full force leaving no escape at all from what you were feeling about Bucky. Your thoughts constantly wondered to your two best friends, curious as to what they were doing behind closed doors and if they remembered who you were at all.

Conversations with Natasha were easy as anything but when it came to Bucky, you couldn’t breathe. Speaking to him made you stumble and tense up. You wanted to do nothing but cry. You knew you didn’t mean anything to him near what Natasha did, and it hurt. At this point, you just wanted a friendship. You wanted him to acknowledge you and be there, even if you weren’t by Natasha’s side.

As someone who completely loved physical attention whether it be hugs, holding hands, soft touches, anything, it was hard to stay away from Bucky. The ex-soldier had totally come out of his shell and generally warmed up to the idea of physical affection, something he was sure to give Natasha each and every second possible. It hurt your heart to watch her push him aside when she wasn’t in the mood to be touched, knowing your skin was aching to feel whatever he would give.

“I’m done,” Natasha’s voice was loud and clear as she stormed into your room, anger evident in her features. “I’m so fucking done.”

You frowned at her current state. “Why? What happened?”

The redhead paced back and forth for a few moments before settling herself on your bed. “I love him, Y/N, I really do, but,” She sighed deeply as she tried to regain her composure. “He just can’t see that he’s wrong for once.”

You chuckled and moved your gaze back to your tablet. “Yeah, I can tell. His head’s always up his ass, Nat. We know that.”

“And I get that,” She exasperated, “But he doesn’t get that I’m trying and as much as I want to spend time with him, I have things to do. Training, you, the rest of the team, I just-”

“It’s balancing,” You hummed as you pushed your device away, knowing the following talk wasn’t going to end pretty. “That’s what happens in a relationship. You balance.”

“He said you don’t matter as much as he does,” She whispered as if she didn’t want to tell you, but felt obligated. “We were fighting on the way back from the club and he said he should be my top priority before you.”

The air slipped from your throat at her words. They hit your conscious harder than they should’ve. You constantly reminded yourself that Natasha and Bucky were the ones in the relationship, that it wasn’t you and you couldn’t push yourself in. As much as you wanted Bucky to hug you and cuddle you and be concerned about you, Natasha would always be his top priority. Now, he was just putting your thoughts into reality.

“Oh.” Your eyes burned with tears but you stopped yourself from crying. You knew deep down you shouldn’t care. They didn’t care about your feelings anywhere near as much as you cared for theirs. “Well, I mean, that’s fine.”

You were constantly worried about not being enough, of losing the people you valued the most in your life, and Bucky just threw that right in your face without a second thought. You couldn’t tell Natasha that, though. You couldn’t reveal to her that you cared about Bucky more than just a friend, ever.

--

The next time your feelings were torn apart came a bit sooner than you liked. You had been filing papers with Wanda per Tony’s request thanks to his secretary being sick that week. Bucky decided he had nothing better to do with his Friday night since Natasha was on a mission and stayed to watch you work.

You were beginning to grow frustrated with the amount of papers Tony wanted organized, the stack seemingly never ending. Music played softly from your tablet on the table but your nerves were too fried to even bother.

Bucky had thrown himself on the couch in Tony’s office, his phone hovering inches from his face as the light reflected off of him. When you got close enough, you could practically drown in the scent of his cologne as you inhaled deeply.

“Hey, did anyone go with Nat when she left this morning?” His voice almost echoed through the silent room.

“Why? Jealous it wasn’t you?” Wanda joked as she shoved a file in the drawer. A chuckle escaped your lips at her words as you bit back a witty remark that would only add to his already grumpy mood.

“Why do you laugh like that?” Bucky moved his phone from his face to mock the noise that you made. “It sounds so weird.”

Wanda glanced at you, frowning at the clear presence of sadness on your face. Bucky’s comments were usually sarcastic and out of context but he seemed to be in a particular mood today. This wasn’t the first insult he had thrown at you either. They had been constant since the moment he entered the room and it didn’t look like he was stopping any time soon.

“Bucky,” The redhead snapped, disbelief clear on her face. “Why are you being so mean to her?”

Bucky laughed, his charming face crinkling with the action as he looked to you. “She knows I’m just joking. Right, doll?”

You hummed a response as you focused on the papers in your hand. It wasn’t worth speaking up because you knew he didn’t care. Obviously he was speaking honestly and maybe, just maybe, the insults would help change your feelings towards the super soldier.

This insulting behavior continued on all the way up to the holidays. Thanksgiving allowed the team a few days to visit family and not train or go on missions and you were fully prepared to use it to your advantage. Each day was planned with Natasha, both of you excited to spend the days off with each other to catch up and relax. It was her idea to include Bucky, something you found yourself okay with despite what you knew was right.

You didn’t like the fact that Bucky and Natasha had such a major influence on your emotions like they did. You wanted to be fine without them and to not wonder what they were doing alone, but you couldn’t help it. It also didn’t put you in a better position that Natasha told you more details about their relationship than she probably should.

You ended up curled up on the couch as a comedy movie played across the screen. Natasha was cuddled up in Bucky’s arms just inches from you as they laughed. Pulling the blanket closer as you glanced at them, your happy attitude started to crumble apart.

The sound of a text filled the room as Nat pulled her phone from the couch cushion, a small grin on her face. You ignored it and kept your attention on the movie, figuring it was probably Clint. The noise resounded again, this time Bucky grabbing his. A frown pushed at your lips as you saw Natasha’s name on the screen.

They were texting about you.

A pit settled in your stomach as you watched them exchange messages, oblivious to the fact that you could see right over their shoulders. Once you reached your limit, you stood up and grabbed your stuff before leaving the room without even saying goodbye.

The moment your bedroom door shut behind you, the tears broke loose. It didn’t matter that you were freezing in the cold of your room, or that your phone was dead next to you and you were starving. You couldn’t believe that they did that to you. You always gave them the benefit of the doubt, seeing as they were two of your best friends but damn.

Maybe they didn’t deserve you after all.

--

“What’s wrong?”

Bucky’s voice was a shock to you as you froze in your spot. You didn’t want to speak to him, not now. Your thoughts had been tearing into you all day long and you couldn’t handle having a conversation with the person causing it.

“Nothing,” You answered as you skipped the song playing on your tablet. “Don’t worry about it.”

“No,” Bucky sat down next to you on the couch and pulled the device from your hand. “Talk to me.”

You sighed and leaned back against the cushions, finding it interesting that he only wanted to talk to you when it was convenient for him. “Just overthinking.”

“About what?” He pressed as he looked back at you.

“Long story,” You mumbled, hoping it would push him away. It did the exact opposite.

“I’m ready to hear it.” When you didn’t continue talking, he sighed, “Y/N, I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t want you to tell me.”

Pulling your knees to your chest, you released some of the thoughts haunting you, including parts of your fears of losing him and Nat. You were embarrassed to have let the idea even in your mind, knowing it would be better if you cut them both out no matter how much you didn’t want to.

“You’re never going to lose me and Nat, I promise,” Bucky consoled as he set your tablet aside. “No matter what happens, we’re always going to be here for you. And I know it’s scary being in your head, but you can always talk to me. That way you’re not alone and nothing bad happens.”

That was it. That’s what hurt. The fact that he said you could always come to him but you knew. Oh, you knew that only applied when Nat wasn’t around. If she was there, you were invisible to him, and you couldn’t even be surprised anymore.

--

It continued like this for a while. Bucky and Nat would argue, you’d hear about it from both of them, they’d make up, and you’d be thrown in the shadows until you were relevant again. It was tearing you down with each confrontation or minute spent near them. You didn’t know how much longer you would last before you broke down and just spilled to them.

Your friends and family constantly reminded you that neither Bucky nor Natasha deserved your attention and love, and even you knew that, but you couldn’t bring yourself to pull away. The good times were so valuable, so memorable that you didn’t want to even think about losing them. They truly brought you out of your shell, whether you wanted to admit it or not.

You tried to distract yourself by jumping head first into constant training with your other teammates and any little chance you could find to escape the compound. It began to get easier. You felt a little lighter, like things were slowly getting back on track since you weren’t hovering over everyone’s favorite couple.

Then, it just happened. You couldn’t stop it. You didn’t mean for it, but it did.

Bucky approached you one day, curious as to why you had been pulling away and dead set on getting an answer. He seemed hurt and it set off a burn inside you to see him feeling even an ounce of what you had been through.

“Did we do something wrong?” He interrogated as he followed you to the training room. “You just stopped talking to us.”

You ignored him as you pulled your hair up before going to tie your shoes. If you spoke even a word, you weren’t going to be able to shut up.

“Y/N!” He groaned as you stood up and walked towards the treadmill. You could hear him huff and before you knew it, you were being spun around. “Answer me!”

“What do you want, James?” You shouted back as you clenched your hands in his grip. “How much more of me are you going to use before you let me break?”

The anger was instantly replaced with confusion as he loosened his grip slightly. “What do you-”

“I’m exhausted, Bucky! I can’t win with you! You only talk to me when you need someone and other than that, your attention is on Natasha. And I get it, I really do. She’s your girlfriend, but fuck, I thought I was your friend!” You didn’t bother stopping the tears streaming down your cheeks as you let all of your pent up emotions burst. “You guys act like you don’t want me around and I can’t keep tearing myself up over this!”

Yanking your hands from his grip, you brushed against his shoulder as you stormed past him. His footsteps were right behind you, despite your desire to be left alone.

“Don’t walk away from me!” He jumped in front of you, stopping your escape. “Come on. Talk to me. Natasha’s worried and so am I. We just want-”

You scoffed, “Oh, you’re worried? That’s new.”

Bucky sighed and brushed your anger off as best as he could. “We care about you, Y/N. I don’t know why you think we-”

“I sit here and I suffer and you can’t get your head out of your ass to just look at me for once!” You snapped, “Bucky, I don’t think you get it. I don’t want to be here anymore. And not just the compound, I don’t want to be on this planet anymore! It’s. Not. Worth. It.”

Bucky stepped back with shock evident in his features. You hadn’t even mentioned anything to him about the way you had been feeling, but then again, why would you? After what he and Natasha had done to you, he couldn’t blame you. He just wished you would’ve said something sooner.

His lack of response was enough of an answer for you. You just shook your head and gave him a sad smile. “Goodbye, James.”

The sound of your shoes against the floor was almost nonexistent as Bucky stood there. He couldn’t tell how much time had passed as he just relieved the argument and every interaction he’s had with you since he and Natasha became a thing. His chest started to feel heavy with guilt as he realized what they had put you through. It was no wonder that you snapped.

With a deep breath, he began walking. Not after you, though. No.

He had a date with Natasha, after all.

--

masterlist

[bizarrewritings-blog]

3 Words - Stucky

Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes

Summary: It only took 3 words to turn Bucky's world around. Normally, almost nothing could caught him off guard, but in that moment, his jaw nearly hit the ground.

Word count: 2,733

Warning: Slightly implied smut

A/N: This plays partly before, partly after Infinity War but we're gonna imagine everything went well, they won the fight and everyone is alive and friends again. Basically, let's pretend life isn't as fucked up as it is rn. Also, in this Steve and Bucky didn't had contact during Bucky's stay in Wakanda.

For already a while, Bucky's constant state had been simply Confusion. Nothing new, some would say, but it was. At least to him.

He always loved Steve. More like a brother, a best friend, but he loved him. But something has changed since he got unfreezed in Wakanda, being met with T'challa and Shuri rather than his best friend. He felt disappointed almost.

The time he spend in his little cabin in Wakanda wasn't the best as well. Of course, he loved the kids and his goats. And the peace he was finally able to enjoy, apart from the farm work. But he wasn't happy. Steve wasn't there with him and he missed him more than anything. Bucky couldn't go to anyone when those nightmares came back and he couldn't talk to anyone about the fears that still lingered inside of him. He had to suppress all that.

When T'challa brought him his new arm, he knew the peace was over. But Steve was coming. He would be able to see him again. And after all this was over, he would be able to be with him again. He felt his heart swell whenever he thought of it, a small smile creeping it's way onto his face. He couldn't wait. So he did everything to not look like a greasy, depressed man. He took a much needed shower, put on his new arm and suit before making his way over to where Steve and the others would arrive.

When Bucky saw the jet landing he could almost feel his heart exploding with excitement, the smile on his face permanent as he shifted nervously. He watched from afar as T'challa led the group towards him. Then he spotted Steve for the first time in years, and he felt his throat get dry. His hair was slightly longer, styled back, and he had grown a pretty impressive beard, his old uniform worn out. He looked so amazing, Bucky felt himself starting to sweat. He never had that kind of reaction from just seeing someone, but he did now.

As the group neared he tried redeemed himself, taking a deep breath as to calm himself, even though his heart was racing harder than it ever did before. He could hear T'challas voice the closer they got. "You have my kings guard, the border tribe," They were so close, but still haven't seen Bucky. He slowly crept out of his hiding spot. "the Dora Milaje, and-" "A semi-stable 100 year old men" He grinned, instantly walking towards Steve. The Blond smiled brightly at him before pulling him in for a hug. It didn't last long, but it was enough time for Bucky to take in Steves sweet scent. He wished they could stay like this forever. He had missed him so damn much.

"How've you been, Buck?" Steve asked with a smile after pulling away. God that smile. "Ehh, not bad, for the end of the world." Bucky joked, a small grin on his face.

After that they all prepared for the war that was about to happen. Bucky clearly wasn't ready, he was tired of fighting. All he wanted to do was to stay somewhere safe with Steve, just the two of them, like it used to be back in the 40's. But he realized he wouldn't get his wish granted as a couple of spaceships brought a mass of giant, angry aliens to Wakanda.

The fight was hard and exhausting and left all everyone physically and mentally scared, but after what felt like eternity they finally won.

*2 month later*

Most of the Avengers came back to live on the Avengers compound, including Bucky, and it was the happiest he's been in years. He finally got to spend time with Steve again. He obviously didn't have him all to himself, but he would have to accept that.

By now, Bucky had realised that the feeling he got around Steve wasn't like friendship. He had changed, just like his view on Steve. Bucky could feel his heart pick up whenever the Blond smiled at him and when Steve fell asleep next to him after Bucky joined him after another nightmare, he could burst out in tears of happiness.

What held him back from saying anything is Steve's past. To Bucky, it appeared like he was straight. He never told him anything about any attraction towards men, and hell he watched him making out with Sharon a couple years back. On the other hand, Bucky hasn't told Steve about his sudden bisexuality as well. He himself wasn't even sure if he was bi. All he wanted was Steve. But he kept silent, pushing his feelings down in fear of rejection. At least until that day, which turned his whole point of view around.

It was one of those cozy evenings where they all would sit in the lounge, maybe watching a movie, joking around and just being happy about how peaceful it finally was. Bucky would take his standard place on one of the couches, next to Steve. Their arms would brush against each other from time to time, and even the small contact made Bucky shiver. He wouldn't even listen to the ongoing conversation, his mind focused on his phone in his hands and Steve's slight touches. But when the conversation shifted to that exact man, he lifted his gaze to listen. "Come on Steve, when was the last time you had fun, mh?" Natasha, who was sitting on Steves other side, grinned. "I don't have time for relationships. Someone's gotta save the world, y'know." Steve answered, shrugging. "But come on, maybe just a little fun from time to time, nothing serious. It would do you good, you're too tense all the time." Tony joined the conversation, grinning as well. Bucky tensed in his spot as Steve chuckled beside him. He didn't want to think about his best friend/crush sleeping with a random girl. "I hate to admit, but Stark is right." Natasha went on. "What about that barista in the coffee shop this morning? He totally gave you bedroom eyes." Buckys eyes widened. He?

The rest of the team seemed just as surprised. "But Steve isn't gay?" Sam spoke from his spot on the bean bag. Steve turned to him, brows furrowed. "You didn't know?" Buckys breath quickened. There was no way he was- "I'm actually bi." Buckys jaw slacked as he started at Steve in disbelief, just like everyone else. "What?" he heard himself say, a little too loud as now everyone turned to him. He felt himself blush, slowly closing his mouth again. "Why didn't you tell me." He was actually kind of hurt Steve didn't tell him. But then Steve softly smiled at him and he forgot basically everything. "I just didn't know why it would be relevant. I just told Natasha because she was with me when I once didn't turn down a guy who flirted with me." He shrugged. Bucky just sat there staring as his hands, not knowing how to react.

"I'm bi as well." He suddenly blurted, his mouth speaking faster than his mind could think. His cheeks turned a dark shade of red when he realized what he said, his mind spinning as he thought how weird that must have sounded. His gaze lifted to Steve who was just grinning at him. "So you wanna call me out for not telling you when you didn't tell me yourself?" Bucky chuckled nervously at the irony. "Great. Now we have two bi super soldiers." Rhodey joked. "Anyone else want to out themselves? Or are two enough for today?" The room went silent. "Noone? Good, these two are acting awkward enough." Rhodey continued, pointing at Bucky and Steve. Both men laughed slightly at that.

When Bucky was making himself a sandwich in the kitchen a little later, Steve entered as well. "Hey Buck." He smiled brightly, making Bucky smile as well. "I wanted to say I'm sorry i didn't tell you about - y'know." He continued, scratching the back of his neck nervously. Bucky nodded, understanding. "I'm sorry as well. I should've told you earlier." He said, taking a bite of his sandwich. Steve smiled at him again with this goddamn smile that made his heart jump. "No more secrets from now on, alright?" Steve suggested, making Bucky gulp down his bite, the phrase 'I love you' running through his head instantly, wanting to be spoken out aloud. But he kept quiet, told Steve "Of course." instead. Steve nodded at that, padding him on the shoulder before leaving the kitchen. Bucky left out a heavy sigh, his mind dizzy. God he wanted to tell him so badly. But just because Steve was into men didn't mean that he was into him as well. He wanted to slap himself for his feelings, he hasn't fallen for someone in so long and now it had to be Steve? He knew his brain was messed up, but not that messed up.

The following night, Bucky once again woke up in the middle of the night with his chest heaving, his forehead glistening with sweat. A relieved sigh left his lips as he realized where he was, his dream not being reality. He could punch himself that after all these years, he still had nightmares about his times as the Winter Soldier.

He slowly slid out of bed, making his way to Steve's room, as usual. But this time it was different. Since he now knew Steve was bi as well, the chances that he might feel the same as he did were now higher. He took a deep breath as he stood infront of Steves room before lifting his hand, softly knocking again the door. He listened closely to the sound of ruffling sheets inside before a grumpy "Yeah?" made him open the door. He felt a little bad as he stepped inside, seeing a tiredSteve rubbing his eyes. He clearly had woken him up. Still, he didn't miss the way his heart jumped at how adorable Steve looked. All sleepy and soft, shirtless with his blanket pulled up to his broad chest.

"I-I'm sorry if i woke you up. I can leave again." Bucky mumbled, nervously picking on a loose threat of his sweatpants. "Shut up and come here." Steve chuckled, making Bucky smile. He closed the door behind him, walking over to the empty side of Steves bed and getting under the covers. He layed on his back, about 2 feet away from Steve as he stared against the ceiling. "Wanna talk about it?" Steve asked, laying on his side as his head rested on his elbow, looking down at Bucky. Bucky could feel his heart racing. "It's almost the same I've been having the last couple weeks. Nothing new." Steve nodded before dropping down beside Bucky, now laying much closer to him. Bucky could feel the heat radiating off the Blonds body and it made him want to cuddle into his side.

"Hey Buck?" Steve ripped him out of his thoughts as he stared at the ceiling as well. "Yeah?" "How did you know you were bi?" Bucky swallowed thickly. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Steve was looking at him again. He clearly couldn't concentrate under his intense gaze. "I-I don't really know. Why?" Steve lifted his gaze back to the ceiling. "I dunno. Just curious." Bucky furrowed his brows in confusion. "How did you know?" "I fell for a guy, duh." Steve answered amused. Bucky felt his face heat up. "Of course." He simply replied. A calming silence filled the room after that. Bucky could still feel the heat from Steves body while he listened to his steady breathing. This was normally the point where they would either cuddle or just fall asleep next to each other. Bucky wanted nothing more than to be as close as possible to Steve, so he went for option one.

"Steve?" He asked quietly, getting a "Mhm?" as a response. "Can we cuddle?" He hated how desperate he sounded, but he smiled lightly as Steve chuckled. "Of course." Bucky immediately turned to Steve wanting to scoot closer but Steve suddenly stopped him. "I probably should put something on before this." Buckys brows furrowed. "What do you mean?" "It's a warm night. Didn't expect company." Steve answered honestly, shrugging his shoulders. It took Bucky a moment to understand, his face turning red as soon as he got what Steve meant. "Y-You're naked?" He asked, making sure he understood him correctly. Steve chuckled, amused by how flustered Bucky was, before nodding. Bucky just stared at him in disbelief. He had been laying in a bed with his butt naked crush. Steve still faced him as well, his lips curling into a sly smirk. "You want me to put something on or not?" He asked, biting his lip. Bucky fought the ought to stare at his mouth. Instead he kept his eyes on Steves as his throat went dry, his whole body feeling on fire. He wanted to say no, wanted to feel every inch of Steves skin. But he would never be able to fall asleep when Steve would be just laying beside him, completely naked.

So he swallowed thickly before croaking out a "Yeah." Steve nodded, smiling before standing up. Buckys eyes went wide as he now had full vision of Steves butt as he walked to his wardrobe to put on a pair of boxers. Buckys breath got caught in his throat as he watched the other man bent down slowly. Then it hit him. Steve was putting on a show for him. Noone takes so long to put on one piece of clothing.

"You little shit." Bucky almost growled, making Steve bite his lip again. "What was that?" The Blond asked as he turned around to get back on the bed. "You're doing this shit on purpose." Steve drpped back down beside Bucky, tilting his head to one side innocently while he grinned. "And what if I'm doing it on purpose?" He leaned forward slowly, smiling as Buckys breathing became more erratic. "For what reason?" Bucky questioned, now shamelessly staring at Steves lips which were slowly inching closer. They were already so close, he could feel Steves breath against his face as he chuckled. "Because i like you, dumbass." Buckys eyes widened, flying back to Steves to see if he was lying. "Are you serious?" Steve chuckled again. "Of course. Now stop talking and kiss me." Bucky didn't need anything else as he leaned forward, crashing his lips against Steves. He groaned into the kiss as they lips moved together, the taste of Steve even sweeter than he imagined it.

Bucky moved his hands to Steves waist to pull him closer, while one of Steves hands made it's way into Buckys hair, tugging gently. Bucky moaned softly at that, Steve taking this opportunity to slip his tongue into his mouth. Both their tongues danced together perfectly as small noises of pleasure left Steves mouth. Buckys grip on Steves waist tightened as the only way to keep him grounded. He could feel his mind spinning, the warmth he felt in his belly spreading over his whole body. Of course he had kissed multiple people already, but this was a whole new level. With Steve it felt so good, just RIGHT. Like they were made for kissing each other and noone else.

After a couple minutes Steve pulled away, gasping for air while grinning at Bucky. "Shit, if i knew you could kiss like that i would've made out with you earlier." He chuckled, making Bucky smile. "We definitely should have done this earlier. We're both surprisingly good at it." Bucky agreed, earning a laugh from Steve. "Guess I'm going to take this as an 'I like you too'?" Steve questioned, his eyes meeting Buckys. Bucky slowly lifted his right hand to lay it on Steves cheek, slowly stroking the stubble as he smiled softly at him. "I like you too." He could see the way Steves eyes lit up, a wide grin on his lips. Both leaned in to kiss again, this time more slowly and lovingly than the last one as butterflies interrupted in both their stomachs. And as Bucky felt Steve smile into the kiss, he knew he was deeply in love with his best friend.

[channiekyun]

flower boy//monsta x//hyungwon

pairing: chae hyungwon/reader ((ft. a friend wonho)) genres: fluff, bullet fic! , college au! word count: 1730 summary: in which you embarrass yourself in front of the school’s flower boy x2 a/n: this was stupid and i’m procrastinating on reading 20 chapters of a book i was supposed to read a week ago..

you probably were going to die out of embarrassment

and every great story starts that way so

okay, you were fighting with wonho on the topic of what type of instant ramen was the best

instant ramen bc y’all a bunch of broke af college students

he was saying that any ramen would really do but you commented that some types were disgusting

you were yelling at each other every minute you could

literally screaming at each other in the hallway

so people knew what was going on between the two most extra ppl in the school

you even gained some eye rolls from ppl in the hall

what a bunch of meanies :((((

you and wonho even had a text fight that night bc of ramen

that was your first text fight together ;((((((((

but when you got together at school in the morning, the tension was less thick but you could still feel that the fight was ongoing 

you sat down in your assigned seats and listened to the lecture

until you felt your phone buzz in your pocket

in which you looked across the room to wonho then checked the text

‘do u really think that some ramens are bad???’

you looked back at him mockingly and started typing

‘some instant ramen are disgusting u kno’

his face shown shock

‘u traitor.’

you disregarded the lecture going on right before your eyes and placed all your focus on wonho

he showed you an unkind frown with his finger tracing down his cheek to resemble a tear

you scoffed silently

you put both your fists up to your eyes and started moving them and started doing the most exaggerated frown to make it look like you were crying

wonho widened his eyes and started using both hands with all ten fingers to resemble tears

then you started lowering your head so multiple chins could be seen while you moved your fists faster

this was a greater war than the both of you expected

this kept on happening for the next five or so minutes while the professor was dozing off in his chair

for some reason, nobody paid attention to you two

maybe it was the fact that they did not care abt your stupid ramen fight

you both upped your games to be the more extra person

but then you realized

all of this was a mistake

omfg

you turned your head to see the “official flower boy” of the school, chae hyungwon, looking back at you

OMG WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

you stopped and froze at the sight of him

*freeze frame, record scratch* 

‘hello, im (y/n), and judging from the scenario you’re seeing rn, you’re probably wondering how I f-ed up my life’

time must have stopped

he raised an eyebrow at your reaction

hyungwon seemed unreadable at this scene

so being the awkward girl u were:

‘..hey..?’

then the bell rung, how comedic

your face showed despair as hyungwon got up and left the classroom

you turned to wonho who was busy cackling in his seat

so naturally you got up and

‘YOU BIT- COME HERE*SLAP*’

and that was the first time you embarrassed yourself in front of the school’s flower boy

satan must be after you

maybe satan just rlly like instant ramen

maybe satan was wonho

next day, same class, you were supposed to be working on a worksheet with a partner

satan wonho partnered up with minhyuk so you were royally screwed

screwed bc the only other person who was unpartnered was hyungwon

jfc

you tapped his shoulder from behind

‘do you wanna work together?’

he hesitantly nodded and moved towards you

he didn’t talk much 

and you weren’t sure whether it was bc he was just naturally quiet or bc of what had happened yesterday

you got stuck on a question and mustered up the courage to ask him

‘hey so for number 9..’

he slid his paper to you without a glance ‘here you go’

‘oh. k. thanks.’

that went unexpectedly

um

so you both got your work done without another word

hyungwon quickly attempted to rush towards the door

but with your womanly strength™ you stopped him

‘hey, why don’t you talk to me?’

he seemed surprised but he soon fell to be unreadable

‘do you want me to talk to you more?’

‘yes.’

you were the bluntest girl he had ever met

that was probably what got him interested in you

‘don’t you need to get to wonho?’ he narrowed his eyes

you looked confused at his words 

‘why would I need to do that, he left with minhyuk already anyways.’

‘isn’t he your boyfriend?’

wow, that escalated quickly

‘wait, wonho? we’re not dating, we’re best friends.’

he opened his mouth to say something

only to be interrupted by you saying ‘walk with me’

so he followed you

and suddenly he felt stupid for the amount of time he thought you and wonho were dating

‘it looked like you guys were having a couple’s fight yesterday’

‘we were fighting over ramen, I thought everybody knew that though. we were practically at each other's throats, well, everywhere on campus.’

‘i guess i was the only one who didn’t ha...’

you got a whole lot closer in the short hours you were together\

finding out numerous things you in common and what not

you guys found yourselves at the park at night

he insisted that he walk you home

to which you happily agreed to

that was the first time your heart started beating for the school’s flower boy

you were now best friends with hyungwon i guess

((ft. a jealous friend wonho))

you even brought hyungwon into the ramen argument

remember, even hyungwon the flower boy was a broke af college student

(also note, he sided w/you obvs)

wonho even started complaining that you were replacing him

which you denied bc wonho has been with you since middle school

you accidentally confessed over a drunk call which was supposed to be to wonho

so you see, you constantly complained abt hyungwon and how RUDE he was like oh my fucking god

and from wonho’s pov he was able to see double

hyungwon did the same geez about you

wonhoe is not 911 or your ‘feels line’ guys

it was finals week and to get rid of that sweet, bitter pain you decided to drink something sweet and bitter to get rid of that worry

you ended up certainly drunk enough for a rant session

‘wonho this is abt hyungwon. like did you see him today twirling his pencil with his fingers? I mean his fingers are f-ing pretty, y’know what I mean? and that’s one of the new reasons that I like him like Jesus f-ing christ I actually want to marry this man y’know?’

there was silence

and you think of wonho you do not think of silence

‘hey wonho, i do know it’s midnight after final season but help a drunk girl out’

 ‘(y/n), do you actually want to marry me?’

it was his voice

every feature on your face shown faces of pure shock

like how many times did you have to embarrass yourself in front of this guy

what did you do in your past life that made you deserve this

‘h-hey! hyungwon, i’m just rlly drunk rn so just forget about this ok??? especially the whole finger thing!!!!!’

actual panic mode

more silence

oh my lord what did you just do

‘hyungwon? hyungwon! hyungwoooonnnn!’

and so forth

the call ended and you resulted in drunk texting him

which probably wasn’t that much of a good idea but still

you probably ruined this relationship you built

also, you were scared of rejection from the guy you had feelings for

this is not what you drank that bottle of cheap liquor for

then you heard a knock and you opened the door

a very tired hyungwon was in front of the door to your apartment

he took multiple deep breaths before starting

‘(y/n), do you like me?’

you tucked a strand of hair behind your ear

‘i mean, yeah, we’re like best friends and all’

he shook his head impatiently

‘no, like, do you love me.’

he took a step into your apartment, causing you to step back

‘because i love you too’

you started tearing up because of the whole scenario you were in

also maybe bc you were kinda drunk

you pulled him into a hug

‘yeah, i love you’

and there you were both

he had ended up sleeping at your apartment that day

and that was when you embarrassed yourself in front of the school’s flower boy for the second time

you finally both got out of college together

and you managed to pay off student debt in a year together

when you revealed that you were dating hyungwon to wonho and the crew

he was destroyed

like he was sobbing all over

‘DIDN’T THE RAMEN FIGHT MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU? AGH! I’M SO HURT’

but in all honesty, he was cool with it

he was friends with hyungwon before you started dating anyway

third wheeler wonho

like everywhere

the movie theaters, the ice cream place, the zoo, just everywhere k

sleepy nights together

your friends cannot even take anymore bs from the two of you btw

both of you can hear drama and salt being spilled from a mile away so you sipped your tea together

so tea time together was every day or every minute of your day

taking selcas and just laughing bc

‘you really do look like a frog’

‘i will have to take that as a compliment’

‘don’t take it as a compliment, take it as an insult’

‘no, bc i love you’

‘but i love you too’

*cue wonho popping up from behind your couch* ‘aw, i love both of you guys’

you guys are just the memeist couple out there

but who needs current memes when you have your boyfriend????

you were happy with each other’s love

and that was the first time you shared feeling with someone you loved

aka the school’s flower boy, hyungwon