#thought i'd post it now for their 15 years

[zakiyah]

the desire to remain in a small tumblr community vs the desire to go completely offline forever and ever

[semperamans]

hi! i have no clue what i'm doing here, but i've been so inspired by @harrysfolklore, so i decided to try my hand at smaus! i'm also so very new to the world of f1, so pretty please go easy on me <3

in my weird little noggin' - yn is a famous singer dating shawn mendes whom (spoiler) turns out to be a jerk and wittle baby oscar is in love and just wants a chance :'( let me know if you wanna see more <3

fc: gracie abrams

liked by piastrisbakery, teammclaren, landoe04, and others

piastriupdates oscar is never beating the fan boy allegations and we love to see it :')

view all 1,342 comments

sc4rlett_44 LANDOS FACE I CANNOT

↳ vroomvroombois he looks like spongebob after squidward ate the krabby patty 😭

↳ piastrisbakery you like yourusername, don't you oscarpisatri 😏

landoland A FEARLESS RESPONSE SOME MIGHT SAY FDHJFKSDHF

↳ newintown THE WAY YOU CAN TELL THAT'S NOT THE FIRST YN-RELATED PUN LANDO HAS EVER SAID TO HIM

↳ forever_mclaren omg PLEASE go watch the 'oscar being in love with yn for 15 minutes' video on youtube. you'll quickly find that lando is the captain of the yncar ship.

wrongagain osc is soooo cute!! but yn is never leaving shawn. they're too perfect for each other ��️

↳ oscarsfearless89 idk... oscar talks more about yn than shawn does at this point...

liked by zendaya, oscarpiastri, shawnmendes, arianagrande and others

yourusername shawn peter raul, how i will forever love you :’) the sunshine on my darkest days. i simply don’t know what i would do without you. thank you for choosing me two years ago today <3

view all 1,112,210 comments

love4yn mom and dad mom and dad mom and dad mom and dad!!

↳ starryeyesandbutterflies i think your parents are getting divorced bc shawn didn't even post her :(

↳ ynlover111 SAYING YOUR PARENTS ARE GETTING DIVORCED IS SOOOOO CRAZY WHAT THE FUCKSJDF 😭

forever_yn i love when we get boyfriend pics of shawn but he never posts any cutie pics of our girl :(

timotheechalamet ew

↳ yourusername shouldn't you be clocking in at the chocolate factory right about now? 🤨

vroomvroombois PLEASE oscarpiastri not you liking this like you aren't WAITING for the day they break up 🧐

↳ f1fanatic81 osc would 100% treat yn better

↳ landoe04 i see what you did there...

camilaisqueen shawn and camila were cuter imo 🤷🏻‍♀️

↳ ynsgirly I SWEAR TO GOD I THOUGHT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT KING CHARLES' DUSTY ASS WIFE

↳ speaknowstan arguably the better camila...

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shawnmendes uploaded a story!

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mclaren posted a new video!

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yourusername uploaded a story!

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liked by calilovesoscarp, sc4rlett_44, pitstoppiastri, landoe04, and others

oscarpiastriupdates these spot the difference games are becoming impossible.

view all 453 comments

foreverpiastri ive never seen him look so angry...

sc4rlett_44 the audacity of that interviewer 😬

↳ newintown wait, what happened?

↳ sc4rlett_44 during the pre-quali interviews, someone from press kept dropping shawn mendes song titles in their question and he was making it *really* obvious. Osc was pissed.

↳ vroomvroombois he turned into such a little diva. i love.

↳ piastriprincess no because if someone said "hey Oscar, i'm curious if you would be able to treat YN better than Shawn Mendes? i've heard you're a fan, so i figured you'd be left in stitches following the news. luckily there's nothing holding you back! hopefully YN will have some mercy on you!" i'd kill them

↳ ynoscarsunshine osc is such a gentleman though :( "you know those are actual people you're making a joke out of, right? someone in that situation has real, hurt feelings, and, to be honest, i'm unintrested in joking and capitalizing off someone's pain. next question."

shippingyncar the way he defends her </3 oscar > shawn no contest.

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liked by selenagomez, yourbrother, oscarpiastri, oliviarodrigo, and others

yourusername *taps mic* is this thing on?

well, hi there! i apologize profusely for my sudden absence, but your girl had to touch grass, pick up some new hobbies, catch up with old friends, and teach my nieces how to tell good apples from bad ones (a very important life lesson)! for complete transparency, i've had a really rough go of things lately. the heart was never meant to break with millions of eyeballs upon it, but mine did and boy did it suck. if you find yourself hurting now, please let me be your reminder that hard times *do* pass. things *will* get better. just give it some time.

i'll get off my soapbox! anyway, i am *so* excited to show you guys what i've been working on while cozied up on my parents' front porch swing watching spring roll in :') i'll being seeing you guys oh so soon 💚

view all 1,101,238 comments

drewbarrymore ❤️😘

inlovewithyn istg your instagram posts are like a kiss on the forehead

mclaren 🧡 if you're looking for a new hobby, watching F1 races is highly entertaining! ♥️ by author

↳ oscarpiastri this is true.

↳ landonorris can confirm.

↳ charlesleclerc can also confirm.

↳ lewishamilton 👆🏾

↳ maxverstappen fast cars are fun, yes.

↳ danielricciardo very fun indeed.

↳ scuderiaferrari ❤️🏎️

↳ bestofyn YN HAS THE WHOLE GRID IN HER COMMENTS I CANNOT WHAT IS HAPPENING

↳ boxboxbaby EVEN FERRARI IS HELPING OSCAR SHOOT HIS SHOT IFDSJFISL?!

arianagrande the vid u sent of your nieces singing defying gravity has been on repeat 💖

rarebeauty stunning ❤️

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liked by sainzsmiles, danielricciardo, landoe04, landonorris, and more

mclaren yo bro, who got you smiling like that? 🧡

we are smiling because bahrain is just five days away!

view all 13,210 comments

landonorris i know 😏

↳ oscarpiastri 🤨 mclaren i'd like to request a new teammate

↳ danielricciardo i also know 💁🏽‍♀️

↳ piastrisbakery danielricciardo WHY DID YOU USE THAT EMOJI??? I CANNOT

↳ danielricciardo because i am sassy 💁🏽‍♀️

↳ maxverstappen i know, too!

circuitcutie oh this is absolutely bc yn followed him back

↳ bigmclarenfan ?? can we focus on racing please??

↳ oscpresso no ❤️

↳ danielricciardo no 💁🏽‍♀️

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(part two)

[eyepatchdate]

whens time displacement coming back dude i love it

I'm glad you have enjoyed it!!!! TD is a story very close to my heart and I am so happy that people are still enjoying it.

I don't really have an ETA for the next chapter. It is extremely not well-formed yet. I have loads of notes and such about TD but the actual bones/structure of next chapter are...very very minimal.

I will get back to it though, TD is just not something I can work on all the time. I have to gear up for it and do a lot of sort of rereading and pre-research because I'm just not as into Homestuck as I was when I started it.

I do want to do a full Homestuck reread, which would help my process immensely, but that's a pretty big undertaking, so I haven't yet started that.

Depending on how things are going in my life, I might try to get work done in early 2024 so I could get another chapter out for Homestuck day, but I don't know. I wrote/edited/etc the 20k words of Chapters 22 and 24 to get them out this year, but Chapter 22 was a full draft that I had to rewrite and Chapter 24 had several thousand words of half-formed scenes before I went in to finish it and then edit.

TLDR I just don't have the same amount of pre-work done for Chapter 25 yet so it is much much less formed atm.

Sorry if this isn't the answer you wanted? I'm sort of vaguely rambling about my process here. Just know that TD is a story I want to continue writing and will continue writing, but it's just not viable for it to be 'priority #1' for me, so it's sort of a side project.

[f1cflcfic]

Won't Say I'm In Love (SMAU ft. Lando Norris) - part xvi

pairing: lando norris x fem!reader; past carlos alcaraz x fem!reader

summary: As a general rule, y/n does not date athletes. You've been there, done that - would not recommend. Besides, you definitely don't do love. There's no time in the world for complicated feelings when there's a career Grand Slam to be won. But what if your heart just refuses to listen?

genre: social meda/mixed au, friends to lovers, tbd

note: this is RPF and is obviously in no way, shape, or form reflective of real persons

series: part i, part ii, part iii, part iv, part v, part vi, part vii. part viii, part ix, part x, part xi, part xii, part xiii, part xiv, part xv, tbd.

bonus: one, two, three, four, five

a/n: sorry everyone, i got sick again!

July 11-12, 2025

[Excerpt: BBC Sport Commentary]

“And now, it’s Y/N L/N serving for the championship. Only three women have ever managed to win a Season Slam, and Y/N is well on her way to do so if she can hang on to her serve here. It's - oh, in the net. Her second serve hasn't been great on grass, but it's gotten her this far [...]

Oh and there it is! What a historic moment! Her first ever Wimbledon title, and what a beautiful way to win it. A great passing forehand that Sabalenka could've never reached in time. And what a terrible end for the Belarusian who's been so strong all year, who had an opportunity to win this match at the start. But it's L/N who fought her way back, and turned the momentum around.

Just look at the disbelief and joy on L/N's face, as she makes her way to her coaching team and family. Her parents, who are always incredibly nice, by the way. Who sometimes don't come because the nerves get too much, but who find the prospect of no family support 'way worse'. Her coach Kim Clijsters, whose best result here was a semi-final. Oh, and there's a long hug for her friends, including Lando Norris, Formula One Driver and currently leader of the World Championship as well himself. Now, she makes her way back down to the court -- oh and there's a cheeky wave at none other than Sebastian Stan -- where she will receive her trophy momentarily."

July 13 - 15, 2025

[Excerpt: Post-Win Interview with Y/N L/N]

"What an amazing turn-around! How did you manage to stay so focused?"

I didn't, ha! I think it's very clear that I lost my cool for a little at the start. But it was also a way for me to get those frustrations out and clear my head. You know, Roger Federer said that you are lucky to win 54% of the points you play. So I tried to tell myself - okay, it's just a point. It's just one point. That's always been my philosophy, but it's hard sometimes to stick to it. I'm lucky I found a way to do so when it mattered most.

"Grass has been historically a difficult surface for you, but this time you challenged yourself to also play doubles. How will you make sure that you're well rested to go for the hard-court season?"

Grass is definitely more challenging for me. It's more physical, more demanding. But I also kind of love that about it? It's why this was extra meaningful. And add to that the home crowd, it's magical. I gave it my all, but that also means I'm going to need to take some time to relax and switch off for a bit. Not super long, I'll be playing Cincinnati and I'm excited for that! But definitely will book a holiday before then.

"You haven't booked anything yet?"

Well, my sister's getting married first, and that's a location wedding already. But then I wasn't sure of course how I'd do at Wimbledon either - so I wanted to wait and see. It's going to be a last-minute decision, I fear."

"Maybe Romania? It'd be a great excuse to ask Sebastian Stan for some tips."

I think I'm happy to keep my celebrity crush just that - a celebrity crush.

[Excerpt: Transcription of YouTube Video "Lando Norris and Oscar Piastri Create a Summer Playlist"]

"Okay, so we're just about to head into our summer break, and we thought it'd be nice to leave you with some of our favourite tunes."

"Well, mostly mine, since Oscar has questionable taste."

"Just - it's niche," Oscar argues. Lando rolls his eyes good-naturedly.

"Sure. Start us off then, why don't you?"

"How about Life is a Highway by the Rascal Flatts? A little bit of country. A little bit of Cars, perfect for a summer roadtrip."

"Solid choice, let's add Running Around by Ely Oaks."

Oscar nods, then frowns as he tries to think of what should come next. "Alright, maybe - you like Lizzy McAlpine right? Do we need some slow songs?"

"I do like it, but maybe it's not very summery? Let me have a look at my own Spotify," Lando says as he whips out his phone, frowning in concentration.

"See, I might have niche tastes, but he's the real snob here," Oscar mutters. "He makes these elaborate playlists for his friends, then refuses to take their input."

"Oi, I heard that. See if I gift you another carefuly curated selection of hits," Lando chides, before turning back to the camera. "Okay, I recently listened to Talk by benny blanco and Selena Gomez."

"Never heard it, but I trust you. Maybe some Bad Bunny? That's good for summer right," Oscar asks with a shrug. Lando nods, smiling.

"Yeah, Osc. Straight from my playlist to yours. I'll also say All I Know by Rudimental and Khalid."

"Let's finish it off with Tate McRae's Just Keep Watching, a little Formula One film special," Oscar closes with a cheeky wink.

A/N: Roland Garros was a fucking fever dream this weekend. What a match between Coco and Aryna, and then again on Sunday between Jannik and Carlos!! Chef's kiss tennis. I know Carlos Alcaraz is a questionable character in this fic but please know that I actually adore him.

next chapter available here

♥ likes, comments, reblogs and asks are always very much appreciated - i love chatting and hearing your thoughts! ♥

taglist (open): @linnygirl09 @julesbog @midnight-and-books @sarx164 @obxstiles @freyathehuntress @vhkdncu2ei8997 @berrnuu @lightdragonrayne @glow-ish @batsratswrites @blushmimi @colmathgames2 @esw1012 @sadiemack9 @tremendousstarlighttragedy @awritingtree @its-elias-world @sarah-thatstings-ann @jessicanotta @fairyjinn @destinyg237 @verogonewild @annimausi @taetae-armyyyyy @jkoooooooookie @coral7161

[biancasaidstfu]

Bianca, I'm so happy with your post about focusing on the positives, giving the adjacents less attention, and giving yourself more frequent breaks. I was really worried about you last night. I love this blog and the space you've created for us Lukola shippers but the hate spam was getting to a seriously f'ed up level. And you have to put your sanity first. That being said, I'd like to submit one last anon around the relationships because I'm feeling very optimistic with today's news. Sometimes it feels like sometimes their teams lurk/get ideas, so here are my thoughts around the timeline of the end. Lol. - Luke leaves to be in NYC by July 14. I assume we'll see him go to Hannah's play in the coming days and that will be his last appearance in London. (Just not Thursday because Hannah isn't doing that show.) Could go either way on including A as a final thing or not. - Nicola goes to Wimbledon sometime between now and Sunday (it ends July 13). She brings her sister or a friend, nothing that causes much of a stir but it will be lovely to see her. - Emmy nominations come out July 15. - Nicola goes to Hannah's play later in the summer when Big Mood 2 begins filming. - In mid-August, bots/plants start commenting in spaces like tumblr blogs/reddit/tiktok/twitter/blue sky/instagram/discord that things seem quiet or off between Nic + J (throw in a couple of instances of him not liking or commenting on her posts or even start this earlier with him not doing anything in respect to an Emmy nomination). Queue the 'distance/scheduling conflicts/busy lives' breakup discourse on gossip sites and media outlets like Daily Mail. Especially likely around the 1 year mark from the festival. (I'd say the same for L&A but he might just go dark on social media again.) - Luke gets papped out and about in NYC alone and with his coworkers/friends. - Toward the end of August/early September, A either posts about or has her fan accounts post about work she's doing in London/Cyprus. - Either just before or just after the Emmy's (September 14, a month into Luke's show and probably around the time Nicola has wrapped Brig Mood 2), a full press announcement of Lukola's relationship is released with an exclusive in British Vogue or Glamour or People or one of the other entities who worked with their teams to push the J/A narratives. Speaking of J/A, they get shoutouts for helping them have some semblance of privacy as they figured out their relationship after the world tour. Parting gifts of potential interviews, potential job opportunities with other celebs seeking public partners, and most importantly, attention and engagement on their socials. It's the perfect timing because it won't look like it was a fake thing for an Emmy campaign, it brings attention to their projects, it brings attention to Bridgerton/any Emmy nominations, it reignites the masses to get tickets to both of their shows (the remaining shows of his play and her upcoming play in December), it's far away enough to give breathing room for S4 so there's still some positive attention but it won't interfere with it or open them up to be accused of trying to steal the spotlight from Luke T/Yerin/Benophie, and it allows them to enjoy a couple months in NYC together without the stress of having to hide and control multiple false narratives. They'll also be more available for appearances, photoshoots and interviews with US-based media, so they have more options in how they want to handle things/how much they want to put out. And brand deals with US-based companies that are trying to capitalize on the fresh wave of interest in them would be easier to act quickly on if they're already in the states together. It's really a win-win-win-win-win for Lukola, J/A, Bridgerton, their other projects, and fans.

From your lips to their ears anon ❤️🙏🏼

[kyoukorpse]

did u get the name kris from deltarune when it first came out , because if you did ...... real 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

wheezes-- I didn't, actually! Kris having the same name as me was like.. a complete surprise to me.

I did choose the name for myself, pulled it from my deadname, about 15 years ago in middle school bc I was tired of my birthname being constantly misspelled and mispronounced by teachers and family, etc. Worked out when i started transitioning 4 years later lul.

When Deltarune first came out as "survey program" in 2018, I remember getting it downloaded the day of since I've been a fan of Undertale since the week it came out. I've been here in the trenches man lmao. my art from that time is still on this blog.

but I didn't play it right away. I wasn't heavily active on social media at the time so I wasn't worried about spoilers. Didn't see the need to rush. What actually prompted me to open it and start, however, was a couple mutuals/friends of mine messaging me the next morning stuff like "wow I can't believe you're in toby fox's new game lol". I figured at the time they meant like, a character that reminded them of me bc it happens lmao.

so, I played it. I went through the fakeout character creator. I named my vessel "Kris" and I got a response like "Interesting..." and it asked me to name myself which I didn't. wasn't really expecting so I was like okay I'm also Kris and I got a response like "Of course, of course..."

so it opens with the whole bit of throwing away your design bc your choices dont matter, etc etc. then the opening bit happens with "your name is.... Kris!"

... it still didn't click for me. (i'm so serious).

at the time I thought it was some weird fakeout?? bc i'd expect anything from mr. fox. I went about my whole play session that day thinking "oh so it kept my name anyway. alright. sure."

it wasn't until I went through twitter later and started seeing the fanart and discussions finally being posted after the 24 hours of silence toby requested that I was like........... Oh. huh. (i realized as well that that's what my friends had meant earlier.)

so, yeah. no, I've always been Kris. and I'm very cheesed to have Kris Dreemurr be my name twin. so, that's why you'll most likely see me call them "twin" a lot, bc it's a habit now. heh.

TL; DR: I've been Kris since I was 14 and Kris Dreemurr having the same name as me was a delightful surprise and I love sharing a name with them #MyTwin

[so-i-did-this-thing]

hi hi so the '5 vs 15 years on t' thing you posted almost made cry (in a good way!!) because like. i guess it finally made it sort of actually click in my brain that transitioning and growing older is a real thing that we can have. that we get to be older and happy and ourselves. and just. man. wow. i feel like im not quite get my thoughts to my words quite right but youre an inspiration to me i suppose. have a great evening/whatever time it is for you when you see this

When I was a kid, I didn't think I'd make it to 30, and now 50 is just around the corner.

I didn't think I would die to violence (my hand or another's), there just was an empty void where my future was. This looming nothingness that I think made all my pain in the present all the worse.

I knew transition was possible ever since I was 9 or 10, but I guess I didn't dare dream. Or worse, maybe I daren't think I deserved anything other than the cloak of sadness I found myself growing upsettingly comfortable wearing.

I don't wish that void upon anyone. You can hope to escape a bad future, but one that doesn't exist at all? It will really fuck you up over time.

So what I'm saying is, I'm grateful if my presence helps put someone's future into focus, be it a little or a lot. Because it's so much easier to achieve happiness once you can finally see something instead of nothing. ❤️

[scariusaquarius]

rehab. 18.

Avenger! Bucky Barnes x Winter Soldier! Fem! Reader

Summary: While on a mission to find any more possible super soldiers that were a part of the Winter Soldier program, Steve and Bucky make a discovery in an abandoned HYDRA base that was cleared out a few years prior to their mission. They discover the Reader, a long-forgotten soldier that was still asleep within a functioning cryostasis pod; still awaiting orders. While Bucky isn't happy about it, he is put up to the challenge of helping to rehabilitate the soldier in Wakanda where she may be able to become a person again.

-

A/n: YAY we finally made real progress with the soldier!! Hehe i hope that you guys enjoyed the way that ended. I really thought that having Peter there would also help because he's such a comforting person<3 Also, if you enjoy my work, please consider buying me a coffee! If you would prefer to read Rehab on Archive, you may do so right HERE!

This is an au where Bucky joined the avengers but still rehabilitated in Wakanda (sometime before Infinity War [canon divergent cause NOPE]). I am NOT fluent in Russian, so I did use google translate cause I couldn't find a good translator that I trusted. If anything is wrong, PLEASE let me know!! Also, I tried to list as many warnings as possible so you know what the story will contain as chapters are posted. Stay safe!

-

Genre: Slowburn, Enemies to Lovers/Friends to Lovers, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Humor, Drama, Dark Content Rated: Explicit Warning: Angst, Dark Content: Graphic Depictions of Sexual Assault, Blood and Gore, Mentions of Manipulation, Kidnapping, Canon-Typical Violence, Body Horror, Nonconsensual Body Modification/Scarring, Emotional and Physical Abuse, Mentions of Murder, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts/Ideation, Graphic Depictions of Human Remains, Mentions of Sexual Coercion/Manipulation, Death, Misuse of Drugs/Forced Drugging, Self-Harm (Graphic Depictions and Mentions), Nightmares

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Author: ScariusAquarius

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rehab masterlist. chapter 14 / chapter 15 / chapter 16 / chapter 17

The CIA was hustling and bustling. While the fast-paced environment was normal for the agency, Natasha observed that everyone seemed to be on edge. Agents that didn't think she could see them were glancing her way, whispering behind hands, sweat running down their necks, and some immediately ducking into their computers and acting as if they were busy.

After all, a house call from an Avenger wasn't an everyday happenstance...and for two visits in the span of about two weeks?

Something was off, and everyone in the agency knew.

Natasha's gaze was kept on the Director, however, who was tense and ushering them to his office out of sight. She tilted her head to mutter quietly to the woman beside her.

"How much do you want to be that they're encrypting everything in here as much as possible."

"Agent Romanoff, with your track record, it's a good strategy."

Natasha smirked slightly, stating as she jutted her chin out slightly.

"Aw, come on, Maria, you don't really think I'd have the nerve to steal precious information right within the lion's den, do you?"

Maria Hill was annoyed, giving the woman a death-glare as she turned to her, their steps pausing as she muttered out.

"Romanoff, I implore you to use better judgement. Do the Avengers even know that you're here right now?"

Natasha snickered, and Maria just huffed before the Director ushered them into his office. He was clumsy, bumping his hip into his desk as he tried to readjust his suit and tie, sitting before them with a nervous gleam within his eyes that he hid behind a wide and welcoming smile.

"While I'm unsure if I'm happy to see Agent Romanoff within my agency, I am honored to be in the presence of yet another Avenger and the renowned Maria Hill within my office. What can I do for you, ladies?"

Natasha smiled before grabbing a device within her pocket and held it up, making Maria glance at her before glancing at the Director.

"Director Holloway, do you know what this is?"

Director Holloway looked nervous, asking with an intrigued tone to his voice.

"No, Agent Romanoff, I'm not entirely sure."

She clicked a button, and the Director made a noise of pain as the device effectively scrambled and disengaged any equipment within the office that was listening in on their conversation.

"This is a signal jammer. I just cut off your communications and surveillance devices that are in this room. We only have about two minutes or less to talk now, but if you cooperate, you may go back to your life as the CIA Director normally. Are you willing to comply?"

The Director looked angry, standing up and exclaiming.

"What is this?!"

Maria immediately pulled her weapon out, ordering firmly as she brandished it by placing it upon her lap.

"Sit down, Director."

The Director stuttered before he sat down, and Natasha stood up, sliding a file over to the Director before opening it up.

"This man here is Jack Rollins, which I'm sure you already know. Why are you hiding him?"

The Director laughed nervously, shaking his head as he gestured to the file.

"What are you talking about? Jack Rollins was pronounced dead after the incident at the Triskelion."

Natasha replied firmly, tilting her head slightly.

"His body was never discovered, and the Avengers have reason to believe that he is alive and the CIA is harboring him. Director Holloway, I'm not asking anymore, so it would be your best interest to answer my question."

The Director looked uncomfortable, and Maria put a bullet within the chamber of her gun loudly. Holloway's eyes became wide, and he rushed out.

"Listen, I truly have no idea what you are talking about. Do you realize how much trouble you're going to be in for doing this?!"

Maria Hill finally stood and stated, a hand on her hip.

"We won't be the ones in trouble for rooting out another operative of HYDRA. Director Holloway, harboring a fugitive of the State is treason. Do you really want to play with fire?"

Natasha leaned forward, her face hardening as she pointed at Rollins' picture.

"Where is he?"

Holloway looked as though he was beginning to panic, and with just a raise of Natasha's eyebrow, the Director finally broke.

"Listen, this wasn't my idea! The CIA has been using HYDRA as a means to an end! We partnered with them back in the 60's...creating our own super soldier program in order to make the best agents to ensure national security!"

Maria looked offended, exclaiming.

"National Security? Working with HYDRA means that you are not secure at all."

Holloway hissed out, slamming his fist down on the table.

"Don't you think that we know that? HYDRA has always been using us as we have been using them. Stealing our information, sabotaging our efforts, the whole nine yards!"

Natasha frowned and asked.

"What do you know about Project Achilles?"

Holloway's face paled, and a haunted look came within his eyes.

"Project Achilles...it was a last resort. We worked together with HYDRA to create the perfect agent...we slaved for years trying to replicate what Howard Stark had created. Robert had always been a brilliant mind, you see? While HYDRA and the CIA had the same idea of creating a perfect weapon, the CIA wanted to...to have the perfect agent that could protect our country! But HYDRA....HYDRA wanted to expand their influence...to control from within! Project Achilles was just a front!"

Maria scoffed, asking.

"So you wanted to create another Captain America, but instead gave HYDRA everything they needed to create a perfect Winter Soldier program. Unbelievable."

Holloway pleaded, sweat running down his face in earnest.

"You have to believe me that this wasn't what we wanted to happen! Before we knew it, HYDRA had control of almost all of the CIA! Anybody that wanted to expose or whistleblow was taken and disappeared! Why do you think (Y/n) (L/n) was taken!"

Natasha and Maria glanced at each other with grave expressions, and Holloway looked horrified. He began to whisper, panicking to himself.

"Oh, god, they're going to kill me. They're going to fucking kill me-they'll know I talked. I’m dead. You don’t understand—"

Natasha slapped the Director to get him to stop panicking, the man clutching his cheek with shock.

"Listen to me very closely. I want you to tell me where Rollins is and why you are hiding him."

"I cannot do that. He knows too much! Releasing him to you means letting HYDRA know that we've turned our backs, and we have no way of protecting ourselves!"

Natasha mused, shaking her head.

"You mean that taking him down risks exposing the CIA for their complicity in illegal experimentation, mind control projects, assassinations, and treason for working with the enemy?"

Holloway looked as though he was going to bust a blood vessel within his head, and Maria ordered him.

"Director Holloway, I'm formally ordering you to give us Jack Rollins' location or else be arrested for unauthorized covert operations, collusion with a terrorist organization, human rights violations, obstruction of justice, and, oh, conspiracy against the U.S, to name a few."

Holloway began to panic again, incomplete words falling out of his mouth, and Natasha tapped her watch.

"Tick, tock, Director Dean Holloway. This is a losing battle either way, so you might as well go out with some dignity."

Holloway made a face of regret before he covered his face and muttered through his hands.

"He's at The Farm...in Virginia. We knew that the Avengers couldn't storm in without risking backlash from the U.S. Government...anymore than the Avengers Initiative has already faced."

Holloway then added, giving Natasha and Maria a pleading look as his eyes became glassy and his nostrils flared.

"But you have to believe me that I never wanted it to go this far! (Y/n)...she was such a kind woman...I never wanted her to get hurt, but she kept asking questions...kept finding more things that weren't for her to see...and was threatening to take it to the news; to the Department of Justice and the Director of National Security! I tried to get her to stop, I did, but HYDRA...HYDRA didn't care."

He began to silently cry, whispering.

"I'm so sorry. I never wanted it to be this way. I just...wanted our country to be safe."

Maria and Natasha both scoffed, Maria muttering.

"You can explain it all at your court hearing, Director."

Director Holloway looked horrified and confused, and Maria pulled out a tape recorder, hitting play and his confession playing back to him. Holloway pleaded, standing up and gesturing.

"Please, please, you don't understand! If you do this, I am a dead man! I mean, my...my family! What about my family?"

Natasha shrugged, a cold and uncaring expression on her face.

"I guess we'll just have to see, Director. What is it...eye for an eye?"

As the timer went off, Natasha's facial expression turned into a smile as she gestured to her watch.

"Thank you so much for your cooperation, Director Holloway. We'll be in touch."

Natasha and Maria left, their steps quick as they moved to get out of the agency, and once they were in the car together, Maria glanced at Natasha.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"I think it's a damn stupid idea."

The voice of Nick Fury came through the speakers of the car, and Natasha couldn't help but to grin.

"Aw, you don't really mean that, do you?"

Fury scoffed, pleading with her as Maria quickly drove away from the CIA agency.

"Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me you didn’t just threaten to expose a U.S. intelligence agency on the grounds of 'moral obligation'!"

Natasha was quiet, crossing her arms as she picked at her nails, stating.

"The CIA is just as corrupt as SHIELD was. They were harboring a HYDRA fugitive, worked with the organization, experimented on a civilian and who knows how many more, tested human weapons, all under the guise of national security, but you and I both know that isn't true at all. You want me to sit on that?"

Fury immediately replied, Maria wincing slightly as his voice became angry.

"I'm not asking you to sit on it. I'm asking if you've lost your damn mind!"

Fury took a breath, calming himself before he continued.

"You want justice—so do I. But blowing the lid off the CIA doesn’t just scorch the earth, Romanoff—it burns every single name we’ve ever worked with. Every operative. Every shadow asset. Every mission that ever prevented a war before it started."

Natasha replied with a frown, stating.

"They have what's coming to them."

"This isn't about whether or not people deserve what is coming to them-it's about the goddamn consequences. You wanna drag them into the light? Fine. But do it smart. Controlled. Surgical. Not guns blazing with Hill and pulling triggers in a federal office."

Natasha chuckled, which made Fury growl in annoyance.

"I didn't realize that recording a confession was the same as pulling a trigger, Fury."

Maria gave the woman a look, and Natasha just grinned wider. Nick didn't grace Natasha with a response, stating to her instead as his voice softened just the slightest.

"Look, I get it. You see HYDRA, and it’s personal. You want to do right by (Y/n), by everyone that HYDRA has hurt. But if you go about this the wrong way, the fallout won’t just land on Holloway’s head. It’ll land on yours. On Barnes. On (Y/n). On the Avengers--"

Fury then paused for a moment before sighing in defeat.

"You wanna clean house? Fine. But you do it with a mop and gloves, not a motherfucking flamethrower."

The line clicked, and Maria sighed after a moment, clearing her throat.

"Well, that could have gone...a lot better than it did."

Natasha didn't comment. Instead, she rolled her head to look at Maria, asking.

"Hey, you wanna go get some coffee? There's this new shop that just opened up down the way. Apparently their macchiatos are to die for."

Maria looked conflicted before her shoulders fell and she flipped her turn signal on.

"You know what? After uncovering a national security conspiracy and the threat of another internal war with HYDRA? I think coffee sounds great."

-PETER-

Peter could feel the tension in the room slowly dying. Ever since (Y/n) had said to Bucky that she wanted to go home, she had completely rebuilt her walls again, retreating to stay curled up in a darker corner of the heart-shaped herb garden. Bucky was currently on the phone with Steve, updating him about the progress he just made when Peter suddenly received a message on his phone.

Spidey Sunny Patch: Old McDonald is at The Farm. You know what to do. Don’t forget the milk.

Peter made a face of confusion before he stood up to tap Barnes on the shoulder. Bucky paused his conversation with Steve before he glanced at Peter.

"What is it?"

"Natasha just sent me a message."

Peter showed Bucky the message, and he watched as Bucky's face became serious. Bucky spoke into the phone, not noticing the way (Y/n)'s head suddenly perked up as she listened.

"Steve, Natasha just found where Rollins is. I'll be up there shortly."

Bucky hung up, and he looked at Peter, ordering.

"I want you to stay here with her, alright? Don't answer that door for anybody except for the Dora Milaje, T'Challa, or Shuri."

Peter nodded before he asked Bucky as Bucky slipped his phone into his pocket and tightened the laces of his boots.

"What should I do with (Y/n) in the meantime?"

Bucky glanced at (Y/n), pursing his lips before stating gently.

"Just give her some time to be by herself. Make sure she eats and drinks something though...and keep me updated, alright?"

Peter nodded again, saying.

"Okay, I'll do my best."

"Thanks, Queens."

Peter smiled gently before watching as Bucky left, the Dora Milaje agent stepping away from the door to let him through before standing guard again. Peter glanced back at (Y/n) before sighing and slipping into his backpack. Taking out his homework, he sat near her and began to work. The hairs on his arm suddenly stood up, and he realized that (Y/n) was subtly watching him. With a curious tilt of his head, he asked her gently.

"Do you...want me to show you what I'm working on? It's my homework...for school."

The words seemed to confuse the woman, her brows furrowing uncomfortably before she turned away from him, clutching her knees. Despite her obvious refusal, Peter decided to begin speaking.

"Um, we're working on Kinematics in Physics right now...well, specifically the equations of motion and circular motion."

He paused to gauge (Y/n)'s reaction, and he was surprised when the woman looked at him, swallowing thickly before her eyes darted down to the textbook.

"What is it?"

She became uncomfortable again before she whispered.

"I...hear...my voice...talking about...designing things..."

Peter gave her his undivided attention, tilting his head as he inquired softly.

"Designing what?"

She frowned, looking confused before (Y/n) responded.

"Aircrafts...drones..."

Her voice trailed off, her eyes glazing over, and she turned away from him, leaning her head back into her knees and subtly shaking. Despite her confusion and closed-off nature, Peter felt a surge of hope. She seemed to be remembering things at a fast rate, and though Peter was happy, he also became worried. What if she began to remember too much at once? Peter chewed on his lip before he comforted.

"I'm glad that you're remembering things."

She seemed stunned, glancing at him before she replied brokenly.

"I'm not supposed to remember..."

Peter wasn't sure what to respond with, and before he knew it, (Y/n) was completely closed off and unresponsive. Biting his lip, Peter then sighed before going back to his work, wondering what the Avengers were doing now.

-

STORY NOTES: The scene opens up with Natasha and Maria Hill in the CIA Agency. We learn that Natasha has made a house call to the Director, who is currently leading Natasha and Maria into his office. He is visibly nervous and tense, and we learn that Natasha is working without the involvement of the Avengers. The Director finally ushers them into his office, and Natasha immediately opens the conversation by displaying a signal jammer. She effectively disengages any and all surveillance devices within the room, including a secret earpiece that the Director was wearing.

Natasha begins to question the Director about Jack Rollins and his whereabouts. At first, the Director plays dumb, but after some persuasion and passive-aggressive displays, the Director finally caves under the pressure. He reveals that the CIA has been working and using HYDRA to their advantage in order to further their own research of a super soldier program that the CIA was conducting in secret. He reveals that the CIA also knew that HYDRA was using them. He tells Natasha and Maria of how HYDRA had been stealing classified information, sabotaging CIA efforts and missions, among other incidents.

Natasha then asks Director Holloway about Project Achilles, which causes the man to become upset. He reveals that Project Achilles was supposed to be a last resort for the CIA, and it was an operation that was supposed to be about national security but was perverted by HYDRA into expanding their influence and working from within. He says to Natasha that the Project became a front for HYDRA. Maria points out that the CIA was trying to create a new Captain America, but instead gave HYDRA the means to create a new and improved Winter Soldier, and Holloway refutes the statement. He begs Maria to understand that the CIA never wanted the Project to become what it did and that HYDRA had, and has, seized control of most of the CIA. He reveals that (Y/n) (L/n) had been kidnapped for attempting to expose the CIA, and consequently HYDRA.

Natasha demands to know where Rollins is and why the CIA is hiding him, and Holloway states that he can't give her the information she seeks because it will alert HYDRA that he has revealed everything. However, Natasha retorts that he is more concerned with not risking the CIA's exposure for willful involvement with HYDRA, among other unlawful offenses. Maria then threatens Director Holloway with being arrested, which causes the Director to become speechless. After more urging, the Director finally reveals Jack Rollins' location. He then reveals that he feels guilty for what happened to (Y/n), affirming that he never wanted her to get hurt.

He reveals that (Y/n) had begun to ask questions about the CIA, and was finding documents that indicated the CIA's involvement with HYDRA, and was getting ready to expose the CIA, and consequently HYDRA, which was what ultimately caused her disappearance. Maria tells the Director that he could confess everything at his court hearing, alluding that the Director, despite cooperating, was still going to be exposed and arrested. Once the leave the Agency, Natasha is on a phone call with Nicky Fury, who is angry with Natasha for lighting a fire within HYDRA. Natasha and Fury begin to have a debate about moral obligation, in which Fury reprimands Natasha for her reckless behavior. After a few more moments of speaking, Fury finally gives in and tells Natasha to be careful and smart about her exposure of the CIA. Once the phone call ends, Natasha invites Maria for coffee.

The scene changes to Peter Parker, Bucky, and (Y/n). Bucky is on the phone with Steve to update him about (Y/n)'s sudden progress while Peter is keeping watch over (Y/n), who has become unresponsive. Natasha then sends Peter a message in codewords. She indicates for Peter to tell the Avengers, and Peter shows Bucky the message. Bucky understand immediately and alerts Steve. He orders for Peter to stay with (Y/n) while he goes to inform the Avengers of the news, and Peter agrees. Once Bucky leaves and Peter is unsure of what to do, he begins to work on his schoolwork. Peter is surprised to find (Y/n) watching him as he works, and he explains that his Physics class is currently working on Kinematics, specifically the Equations of Motion and Circular Motion. The topics trigger an auditory flashback, which (Y/n) vaguely explains after Peter notices her weary behavior.

She reveals that she can hear her voice talking about "designing things" and when Peter asks her about what, (Y/n) reveals that it was about aircrafts and drones. She retreats again, becoming unresponsive once more, and though Peter is worried about how fast she is remembering things, he tells her that he is happy that she is remembering. However, (Y/n) tells him that she's not supposed to remember things, and Peter is unsure how to respond. Instead, Peter begins to work on his homework again while wondering what the Avengers are doing. End scene.

TRANSLATIONS:

None

TAGLIST: @tilldeathripsusapart @vicmc624 @mgchaser @aash3 @samfunko @seventeen-x @valckenaux @babybeeelle @sc4rrc @cjand10 @bane-y-zane @notsostrangerthing @thenameswinter99

[joffyworld]

Happy Joffy Day!

Today marks a day of tremendous change here at JoffyWorld! To start, it's my birthday! I am officially 21, which is apparently a milestone to most people? Weird!

As a celebration, I've got a few things lined up for you all! First and foremost, I will be launching 4, that's right 4, new blogs each with a distinct theme or purpose! I also have what I have coined a "Wall of Mutual Appreciation" which you'll see later in the day, as well as a competition to announce with (albeit sort of small) cash prizes!

So, read on if you're interested!

The New Blogs:

@joffykingdom

This blog exists specifically to house my personal writing! This is where my poems and anthologies (other than my COTL au, more on that later) will be kept from now on! I've realised my poetry has always kind of gotten buried under stuff. Hopefully, this will remedy that! So, if you like my more personal poems, head on over!

@joffycourt

This is the blog I'm most excited about! This is a group project I've been working on for a while with some friends I hold dear! This blog will be a group-run blog designed to spread joy through reblogs, comments and posts just as I do here on JoffyWorld, but on a grander scale! I've seen, and been told personally by many, just how uplifting and helpful my time here has been, and I want to continue that going forward! So, I've gathered some of my most joyful friends, and we've decided to try and spread it even more together! Joining me there so far as the newest Joffy's of the court will be @loullipopx, @bash-js, @yotomazu and @littleperson404! Hopefully, this will only keep growing in time to help me spread the joy I feel from everyone even further! Only time will tell :D

@joffydungeon

This will become the new home for my NSFW reblogs, the more risqué or deranged posts. Basically, in the most simple way, this will be the 18+ blog from now on. Minors DNI, adults more than welcome!

@cult-of-the-anthology

Finally, this blog will be the home of my COTL au and it's respective series! I have plans to do side-by-side series all based within the same au, all told through alternative storytelling such as poetry, songs and whatnot, the type of stuff you've already possibly seen from my au's Ballad of the Bishops Series so far! If you want to keep up with the au, here's the place to do it!

The Wall of Mutual Appreciation:

My aim with this is to help spread one long list of appreciation for all the friends I've made here so far and help spread them with what audience I've collected so far. Each person I'm mutuals with will have a tagged entry into the wall, with a brief explanation of what I find so riveting about their specific artworks and skills! I thought it'd be a fun way to give back a little, and also possibly promote people a tiny bit! Of course, if you're uncomfortable with being on it and see yourself get tagged, let me know and I'll take your name down immediately, no questions asked! It's supposed to be a nice, fun thing, no negativity involved!

And now, the contest!

The Contest:

I will be hosting a writing contest! Cash prizes will be awarded (preferably through Ko-Fi, although PayPal can also be done) to the top three places at the end of the contest! The prizes are: £15 for 1st place, £10 for 2nd and £5 for 3rd, or their local equivalent in your own currencies!

The prompt will be announced by the 15th, and all formats of writing are welcome! I would, however, encourage everyone to try their hand at poetry! I know it's not a popular medium and other forms are welcome of course, but I'd like personally to see people try their hand at something new (and of course, since I'm the poetry guy in my friend groups lmao). I won't however be awarding "bonus points" for poems versus long-form writing for example, all pieces will be judged fairly!

... And that's all!

Thank you so much for everything you've all given me over my time here. It's not even been a year and we're already approaching 300 friends gathered! It's a wonder every day I wake up and talk to you all or even just see what you've been up to. You're all wonderful and I'm honoured to have gotten to know you.

Thank you, you have my endless loyalty, love and support.

Good luck and take care of yourselves,

The Original Joffy™

[tora-the-cat]

In the spirit of @aceyanaheim's Tiny Kashi posting, I'd like to offer some more of my own Baby Itty Bitty Kashi headcannons;

-I think minato, in the dark quiet semi-subconcious part of his brain, realizes that Kakashi being so small is Probably Bad. but this is not something he can ever allow himself to actually process, because kakashi is strong and they are at war and the hokage needs him to be a voice of reason (he's 15). So his brain copes with the dissonance by taking ferocious care of the boy to try and make up to kakashi in a way neither of them will ever fully be able to process. they're so loving and adorable and twisted and YOUNG. and people wonder why minato's favoritism is so blatent.

-kakashi reluctantly dragging minato places with a glare because SO MANY people try to refuse service to this pointy kid.

-local six year old assassin had one too many back to back missions without any nap time and has a meltdown. 12 dead 6 injured 3 missing (dead, but not included in the mission perameters so Minato covered it up before Kakahsi could get in trouble or even really realize what he did <3)

-Kakashi looses his first tooth on a mission and Minato flies into a rage as he finishes the fight fast and brutal beause someone hit that toddler in the face and kakashi, who has never lost one of his bones before, is trying not to have a panic attack because he didn't know it could happen. and then the fight finishes and Minato takes a few breaths and blinks and is like 'OH. RIGHT. BABY TEETH. I FORGOT ABOUT THOSE.' and calms down. and kakashi gets pouty cause he thinks minato just called him a baby.

-kakashi having a life long If I Fits I Sits impulse cause like. his little legs get tired. and are too little to have him at eye level most of the time anyway. he would just sit on counters to fill out paper work (because he's a grown shinobi! he doesn't need his sensei holding his hand for everything!) when he was too short to do it standing up.

-@aceyanaheim mentioned it in their post too, but. Minato getting really good at just kind of. Being a human stepstool for kakashi. Like up to and including Kushina coming home to kakashi perched like a bird on Minato's outstretched arm to grab a cup while Minato is just. making dinner with the other hand. BUT ALSO.

-kakahsi talking several years to recognize as an adult that not everyone can be expected to comfortably handle him cause he spent YEARS getting manhandled like a wet cat and/or bag of grapes by all his superiors. The first time he jumps on Minato's shoulders to reach something on a high shelf and minato (just back from a long mission, missed a growth spurt, that kid is a head taller now) STUMBLES, they both like. stare at each other in confused horror

-Minato personally hand tailored Kakashi's chunin vest because they don't standard issue ones in 7 year old size. God only KNOWS what seals are hidden between the seams of that thing lmao

-there's an old konoha rumor about a jonnin that worked with Kakashi a few times when he was a kid and thought it would be funny to pretend to forget/get confused the names of his ninken, because he was 9 and very cute and pouty when he got mad. If anyone knows this man's name they dare not speak it, as he allegedly went missing shortly after insisting that Guruko's name was Gukuro and Kakashi gets frustrated enough to start crying over the overt disrespect to his companions

-(He was not killed, of course. Kakashi would never kill a comrade. the pups just held a bit of a grudge and withheld a bit of their attention in a following fight, and when his injuries landed him in the hospital Namikaze had a few encouraging words about pursuing alternate career options ^-^)

[thefrogman]

Late Night Hosts: A Retrospective.

After the success of this post...

I noticed people seemed interested in the history and personalities of late night comedians. Especially all the youngins who weren't around yet. These hosts were a big part of my comedy training. So I thought I'd share with you what I remember of my comedy analysis and some personal context showing what made them tick.

I will be covering Johnny Carson, Jay Leno, David Letterman, and Conan O'Brien.

And if this post is successful, I will do Craig Ferguson, Jimmy Kimmel and all of the newest hosts.

Almost all of this is from memory, so a few details could be inaccurate. But I used to set up 2 VCRs so I could record Jay, Dave, and Conan each night. I watched Conan from show #1. That was 1993 (I was 12 then) and I did this for several years.

I would also get a bit of Carson Daly on the tape and just be flabbergasted someone gave him a television show.

Even Kermit was like, "How is this guy more of a fucking muppet than I am?"

I would watch my tapes and study them and take notes. I would do little comedy exercises. I tried to write a Letterman Top 10 List (I called it a "top 7½ list" because I feared the copyright police). I wrote monologue jokes about celebrities. And I tried creating silly characters like on Conan.

I was a big comedy nerd as a teenager, what can I say?

I even created an alter ego called "Bob the Frog" who was basically a ripoff of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog and Don Rickles. "Bob" wrote a comedy newsletter (I still have it somewhere) that I passed around to my classmates in junior high. This frog alter ego was my first attempt at comedy writing. (If you've ever wondered why I am "The Frogman", now you know.)

The first few were really bad. Then I got better and my friends started asking if I had written anything new. It was my first taste of making people laugh and I was hooked. I knew comedy would be a part of my life from then on.

I learned that I hated insult comedy. I felt too guilty. The only person I felt comfortable saying bad things about was myself. So "Bob" would say I was a lame dorktopus.

Eventually, I did stand-up until I was too sick to perform (1999-2003). I was just getting good so that was a very difficult period of my life. It felt like my dream was snatched away by my poor health.

On a whim, my best friend Tru McGowan convinced me to start a comedy Tumblr in 2009. At first I was really bad. I was used to stand-up where you had a new crowd each time and you could polish jokes until they were perfect. The hardest thing about internet comedy (much like late night comedy) is that everything is your *first* draft.

I'm not sure if people realize how difficult first draft comedy truly is. You can get decent at predicting what an audience will laugh at. But it is *never* a sure thing. Things you work on for days and are positive people will love... they will bomb horrifically. Things you write in 20 seconds and post on a lark... they go viral to a few million people.

But the greatest tragedy of all is when you post something with potential and it bombs. You know if you could workshop it with a proper crowd over a week or a month, you could make something amazing.

But it is already out there.

Your entire following saw it.

It is what it is.

That is some genuine 2009 Froggie comedy right there.

I just put text on a picture. I mean, this dude definitely wanted to bang that rancor and his dream was crushed just like its head. There is a joke there. And lolcat style text-on-a-picture was the comedy fad.

But "Gay for Rancors" got 15 pity notes and that was the end of my exploration of rancor fetish jokes.

Soon I started putting a little more effort into my originals. Somehow Photoshopping this bacon on a string got me 50 notes.

And I was never one to shy away from capitalizing on a current meme, so this accrued 143 notes (viral for Tumblr in 2009).

I got to know my audience. I started understanding what worked and what didn't. I did a lot of experimenting and eventually I started understanding this new comedy medium. If you are weird and put forth enough effort, people will reward you.

As an internet "first draft" comedian, I feel a spiritual connection to late night comedians. They have one day to write 15-20 minutes of material and once they send it out into the world... that's it. No second chance.

I think studying Conan and Dave helped prepare me for my blog. I still prefer polishing material over time, but I'm so glad I could rise to the occasion when circumstances demanded I "first draft" my entire comedy career.

So...

Let's get started.

Heeeeeeeeeeere's Johnny!

Johnny Carson

I missed out on peak Johnny. But I have watched a bunch of those compilation videos with highlights from the show. I mean, I used to watch the 3am infomercial for those compilation videos. So I feel like I am still qualified to analyze him as a long-time student of comedy.

I started becoming aware of comedy right as Johnny was retiring. I literally studied it like a subject at school while not studying actual subjects at school. And the late night shows were some of the best learning tools available (aside from getting stand-up specials from Blockbuster). You got to see comedy every night and a variety of comedians with different styles.

Johnny was the best at the traditional late-night monologue. It's not that the jokes were funnier. Honestly, it is impossible to write 5 minutes of stand-up in a day that can give you anything more than a chuckle. But the audience knows that and it causes something I call "forgiveness comedy." People will adjust what they think is funny depending on the circumstances. If they know you had a day to write something, the audience will consider that and be primed to laugh more at less funny material. Especially if they like the comic.

The best example is improv. An audience will forgive the joke quality just because they are amazed it is coming straight off the dome (that isn't always true, improv is more magic trick than spontaneity, but that is another post). But if you tried to perform that same improv as a polished stand-up act, it would likely bomb. The brain adjusts to context.

Johnny took advantage of this and where he really shined was in between the written jokes. His bombs were opportunities. He would react with some self-deprecating remark and get a bigger laugh for making fun of his shitty joke. Basically, when Johnny was in trouble he was at his best. His reactions were what made him so loved.

His most famous reaction-style comedy was probably the tomahawk demonstration. I think this was one of the longest sustained audience laughs in history—which, sadly, the video cuts off. I think it was 4 minutes total.

Johnny was also a very good interviewer in the sense that he knew when to give people space. He didn't try to compete with all the funny people he invited on. He was a comedy support system and only stepped in when things went off the rails.

There were also his masterful softballs. (Sorry, I should explain I came up with my own comedy terms. They may or may not be actual comedy parlance.)

A softball is an easy setup for a joke (large balls are easier to hit). A conversational premise without a punchline. If you are riffing with another comedian and you know their strengths, you can set them up for a joke and let them take the punchline. This is a thankless comedy skill because you are giving away the glory to someone else. But being good at softballs often takes more creativity and skill than coming up with the punchline. Johnny knew he was speaking with some of the funniest people on the planet. And their success was his success. So he was always happy to set people up for hilarity.

Johnny was also a good sport. His friends would come on and make fun of him and he often laughed the loudest of anyone. Or pretended to be hurt for extra laughs. Rich Little and Tom Smothers would do impressions of Johnny in front of Johnny. I think this helped popularize the Friar's Club roasts around that time, of which Johnny was a roastee.

Johnny got along with everyone. I think the most endearing thing about his Tonight Show was that he was just trying to make sure everyone had a good time. It was fun. It was chill. It was comfort after a long day, like a television version of a warm hug. Many people would joke that is how they fell asleep each night.

There was one aspect of his show I have mixed feelings about. Johnny started the career of almost every comedian performing in the 80s. He would invite the new comics on the scene to do their "tight 5" toward the end of the show. It was a poorly kept secret that if he invited them to "the couch" for an interview, they were in. He was christening them a comedy star. Robin Williams, Ellen DeGeneres, Louie Anderson, Roseanne Barr, Jay Leno, David Letterman, Steven Wright, David Brenner, Drew Carey, Garry Shandling, Eddie Murphy.

And we can't forget Yakov Smirnoff.

Johnny was basically the all-powerful comedy judge. It was seen as a huge honor to be invited to the couch. But if you had a bad night or a bad audience or just weren't ready, that could end or set back your career in a huge way.

You either got a sitcom or a job at McDonald's.

Jay Leno

Jay was known as a very good road comedian. He was a very hard worker who would perform *anywhere* just to get experience. He performed at strip clubs and crappy hotel bars and those weird corporate events where you have to come up with jokes for vacuum salesman or mortgage analysts. You have to use hyperspecific industry terms and include employees in the audience. John Mulaney recently made the news for one of these gigs.

Actually, let me give corporate comedy writing a try...

"Vacuum salesmen are the only ones who can start their pitch with how much their product sucks.

Suction, am I right, fellas? Good suction sells itself. Bob's wife knows what I'm talking about. She can hit 20 kPa, easy. Heyoooo!

She's still no Miele C3 canister vacuum with included HEPA filtration. That thing has more new attachments than the CEO's hair.

Your plugs aren't fooling anyone, Steve!"

Though Jay started out working mostly clean, so I'm not sure he would have rated the suction of Bob's wife in kilopascals. Working clean meant he could do his act just about anywhere. But don't confuse him with a "clean" comedian.

Froggie Comedy Tangent

A comedian who happens to work clean can be funny. But a "clean comedian" will make you wonder how you are suddenly in Branson sitting next to a youth pastor and his flock. If they specifically brand themselves as "clean," you're just going to get thinly veiled (or blatant) conservative comedy. It will technically be apolitical, but all the subtext is MAGA.

I call it "I remember that" comedy. Because every laugh is derived from "Hey, that's that thing I know! I remember that!"

There is a thing called "Dry Bar Comedy" and their entire deal is inviting clean comedians to do shows. The non-drunk audiences (Get it? DRY bar) are laughing their heads off and it is so confusing.

I keep going "Wait, when did he tell a joke?"

They don't have to tell jokes!

They just have to talk about the "good old days" and people will be like, "I remember Cabbage Patch Kids!" and laugh at something resembling a punchline. Or sometimes there isn't a punchline—just a declarative statement that sort of goes up at the end.

I could have a lucrative comedy career just saying things like, "Do you remember G.I. Joe? I sure do miss when toys didn't have pronouns."

*uproarious laughter*

Almost every comedian that performs at the Dry Bar has a bit about spanking and ADHD.

"Kids these days have it easy. If you talk back to your daddy, you get a time out. Can you believe that? When I talked back to my dad, he made me pick out my own switch!"

*uproarious laughter*

"We didn't have ADD back then. We just had misbehaving children and a belt."

*uproarious laughter*

Comedians like Jerry Seinfeld and Jay Leno worked clean but it wasn't a moral thing. It just wasn't necessary for their material and was more marketable for gigs. They told real jokes with a premise and a punchline. They did the work and earned their laughs.

END OF TANGENT

It's weird to think Jay was once a respected and talented stand-up. Looking back, his material was... jokes for your dad. That's the best I can describe it. Not dad jokes, but jokes dads liked. Clever observations that would make dads go, "It do be like that!" Not really my thing, but he was good at it and he still draws decent crowds to this day. I mean, they all need walkers to get into the theater, but he packs the place with geriatrics wanting to laugh at Monica Lewinsky and OJ Simpson like the old days. Spoiler, Monica was a slut and Jay thinks OJ did it.

Jay did an adequate job on The Tonight Show. He was an okay interviewer and guests felt safe going on. They knew he wasn't going to talk about anything too embarrassing (with one major exception being Hugh Grant after he was caught with a sex worker).

Jay relied on bits that he knew worked and never really strayed once he had a working formula. He would read funny headlines. He would do his "Jaywalking" remotes where he found stupid people and used deceptive editing to make it seem like everyone he talked to was that stupid. Jay is really into things showing the decline of America in relation to the WWII generation.

Jay was the status quo comedian. He never really had "moments" that stood out and became legendary. Johnny had an entire DVD business just selling old clips from his Tonight Show. They were filled with moments that were so spontaneously and authentically hilarious that they stood the test of time. But trying to find a "greatest hits" compilation of Jay Leno's run will just leave you bored.

If you search YouTube for Jay's best moments, you just get a bunch of his "Headlines" segments. He's literally just reading clips from the newspaper.

As I mentioned in my other post, when he isn't in comedian mode, Jay Leno seems like a decent guy. He treated his staff very well and his work as a car historian is near academic level. When you hear him talk about old cars you feel like you are spending a weekend with your grandpa. So Jay's mean spirited monologues just seemed out of place and I think looking back, they ruined any chance he had at a legacy.

He just took cheap shots at celebrities and politicians and people in the news. And he did it relentlessly whether people deserved it or not.

Yes, every host at the time did this. But Dave felt like he was going through the motions and doing the monologue just because it was part of the format. His heart wasn't in it and he much preferred bantering with Paul Schaffer in the band than telling jokes about celebrities he doesn't actually care about. He was more interested in getting to the desk and doing his "real" comedy.

And Conan's jokes about celebrities were more silly than mean. He'd make fun of Tom Cruise or someone and then do the string dance.

But Jay would go dark. He had a smile on his face and it sounded like he was "just joking" but after hearing about Monica Lewinsky's story, Jay Leno's "just joking" was different. I remember Jay Leno making fun of that poor woman who had McDonald's coffee burn her vagina off. He probably got a few months of jokes out of that. He was such a nice guy outside of his comedy and looking back it seemed so out of place. But I think he did cheap shots because it was an easy laugh and he figured the famous weren't "real people."

If Jay was in head-to-toe denim, he was a solid dude.

If he was in a suit, he was an asshole.

Jay never stopped doing stand-up. You can catch a show this weekend if you want. Jay really likes to pepper in some classic 90s jokes about celebrities we have mostly forgotten. As I mentioned in my other post, I've heard him do Monica Lewinsky jokes as recent as 2019. They aren't part of his written material. They are usually ad-libs and callbacks. Like if Jay was fixing a car and someone said, "We need to suck the air out of these tires." There is a 90% chance Jay would respond, "Boy, where's Monica when you need her?"

He still does the "jokes your dad would like" material in his personal act. But they are much more like his Tonight Show monologues than his old stand-up. Easy jokes without much thought. Instead of his classic clever observations, he mostly complains about modernity, ad nauseam.

Actual joke...

"Have you seen these phones on your wrist? And you thought BUTT DIALING was bad!"

Get it? He's saying people are masturbating and accidentally calling people. Which completely misunderstands... no one talks on the phone, Jay. It's 2025 and we all have anxiety. Maybe you could do wank texting?

Okay, Jay. How about this as a joke, complete with a 90s reference...

"Have you seen these people wearing phones on their wrists? I guess they finally solved butt dialing!

But after they see a sexy picture of Cindy Crawford, Apple tells them they have 30,000 steps for the day!"

A famous fun fact is that he never spent any of his Tonight Show money. He lives off the interest and income doing stand-up. While he was host of The Tonight Show he still did stand-up just about every weekend. *I* think that *he* thinks that gives him working class cred despite his enormous wealth and caravan of supercars.

I'm glad his money allowed him to become the world's greatest car historian. I'm happy there is someone like him doing proper car conservation. His restoration of the Chrysler turbine car was fantastic. That is a neat piece of engineering and car history.

Jay never had a sex scandal and seems to love his wife. He's taking care of her as she battles dementia. I do feel sorry he is going through that.

Those are the nice things I can say about him.

But I think Monica Lewinsky and Conan O'Brien should be allowed one giant kick in the nuts.

David Letterman

Conan O'Brien wasn't the first person Jay Leno screwed over with The Tonight Show. David Letterman was actually Johnny Carson's favorite guest host. But he was quirky and experimental. The network liked Jay Leno's safer style.

It was a big controversy at the time and they even made a weird movie about it called The Late Shift. Pretty much every person portrayed claims it is horribly inaccurate. The actors they cast looked like when you draw from memory.

The big joke at the time was about the ridiculous chin prosthetic. Did you know Jay has a sizeable chin? Let's get Stan Winston away from Terminator 2 to make this bigass chin.

Dave started out as a TV weatherman. But once he got popular doing stand-up, they gave him a morning show. They tried to make him Regis Philbin. But he sucked at being Regis. Only Regis could be that excitable in the morning. Dave wasn't really a "morning" comedy guy so that was quickly cancelled.

In 1982, he got the Late Night show at 12:30am after Carson on NBC. No one paid much attention to him and he realized that. I think that excited him and he was just like...

Dave and his team created some of the most experimental comedy on broadcast TV up until that point. He was basically unsupervised in a comedy laboratory for over a decade.

He wore an Alka Seltzer suit and dunked himself in water.

He wore a Velcro suit and hurled himself against a wall.

Looking back I'm realizing he did a lot of suit based humor.

He had a very long running gag with character actor Calvert DeForest who Dave called Larry "Bud" Melman. He was a bit like a sidekick.

Calvert was this cute old man and would literally do *anything* Dave and the writers asked. He had no fear. He had no shame. He would often go to random places and interview people. But he was really bad at following the scripted material and would get confused and forget the jokes. He didn't understand how microphones worked. Any segment with him would go off the rails because he never quite understood the premise. Dave loved this tiny, elderly ball of chaos. The trainwreck was the joke.

Dave helped Super Dave Osbourne get his incompetent daredevil schtick out there. He let Andy Kaufman get in a fight with someone and no one could tell if it was a bit. (10:30)

Johnny and Jay's Tonight Show was where all the normie comedians went to get their big break. Dave was where the weirdos flocked to. And some of them were terrible, but they were *always* fascinating. I don't think Frank Zappa would have his cult following without Dave.

Dave was the first to regularly do "remote" humor where he'd just go out into the world and get into trouble with real people. The segments were great but Dave struggled with social anxiety. So that eventually evolved into Dave hiding in a van and making a Chinese-American deli owner named Rupert Jee repeat awkward things said in a hidden earpiece.

Dave's interview style was erratic. He was a very good host as long as he liked his guest. He loved having a real conversation with a fascinating person. He rivaled Craig Ferguson when those conditions were present. But if he didn't care for them, things would either get very awkward or very boring.

He didn't like pop celebrities who didn't have genuine talent. Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian would have driven him nuts and he would purposely seem bored when interviewing someone like that. Dave had trouble "faking it." And instead of Jimmy Fallon's cringe fake laughter, Dave would just appear utterly uninterested.

But if he didn't like someone and chose awkward over boring... hoo boy... it was *really* awkward. And Dave relished in the discomfort.

Madonna (who Dave acknowledged as genuinely talented) was unhappy about his monologue jokes. Essentially he alluded to her being a bit of a slut. It was typical Late Night comedy fodder at the time. I'm not endorsing it, I'm just saying everyone did it and society didn't have a problem with it at the time. She released a book about sex called... "Sex." Then she released an artistic softcore black and white erotic music video that most people felt was... more strange than sexy. She just kinda talk-singed to the same loop and made out with a dude while clips of a dancer in full body spandex came out of nowhere.

The Wayne's World parody was much better and somehow less weird.

Needless to say, people made fun of this pivot to weird erotic art.

In any case, Dave had Madonna on and she turned the weird up to 11. I think she was trying to get back at Dave, but it had the opposite effect. He saw where things were going and he just kinda... "let her cook."

He was delighted to watch the train wreck unfold.

I mean, she was right. She was being slut shamed—by everyone, not just Dave. But she was so overtly odd that it was hard for people to hear that conversation within the chaos. And the only thing the mainstream news cared about was her potty mouth.

On the other hand, he liked Drew Barrymore a lot. Drew was a very good actress and she was charming and funny. She was just as weird as Madonna, but it was not oppressively weird.

I think Dave saw her more as a daughter figure. Or maybe he wanted to and was ashamed he wasn't successful? Or she made it difficult for him to be a father figure? Because she saw him as a... umm... daddy figure? He enjoyed her company but was uncomfortable with her affection, so her interview was awkward in a different way. This was especially famous because she ended up flashing him for his birthday.

Dave was complicated. He was a former alcoholic. He suffered from social anxiety while having the world's most social job. He was the most private public figure you could imagine. He managed to have a sex scandal that no one seems to know about or talk about. He was involved with his personal assistant who regularly appeared on the show. Then her roommate tried to blackmail Dave for two million dollars by threatening to expose the affair. Dave decided to just fess up and helped the authorities with a sting operation to catch the extortionist.

Dave was self-conscious and neurotic. I don't think he liked himself for a very long time. Which is probably why he tried to blow up his life and family. But he loved his son and once that love took hold he seemed to get his shit together. He seemed like a different person. I liked Dave's comedy much more when his life was a hot mess. But I liked Dave as a person much more when he started choosing good behaviors. Much like Jimmy Kimmel, family seemed to make him a better person.

Dave pushed the late night format to the limit and inspired an entire generation of comedians. He encouraged them to try risky things and experiment and became the comedy mentor that Jay Leno wishes he was.

Also he loved his mom and sent her to the Olympics and it was the cutest thing ever.

I'm a sucker for people who love their moms.

Conan O'Brien

Conan was my comedy idol. If you have followed my comedy over the years, you might have noticed a similar embrace of... intelligent silliness.

Stupid smart?

He was a magna cum laude Harvard graduate and a clown without the makeup. He was originally a comedy writer and head of the famous Harvard Lampoon humor magazine. He went on to write for The Simpsons and SNL.

He wrote that monorail episode.

Every Conan fan who wants to share a fun fact will make sure you know he wrote the monorail episode. Kumail Nanjiani did a great bit about this during Conan's Mark Twain Prize ceremony (it's on Netflix).

After Jay took over The Tonight Show and Dave gave NBC the finger and left for CBS, the "Late Night" slot needed a new host. And Lorne Michaels decided this pale redheaded giant from the SNL writing staff might be a good choice. No one had any clue who he was. No one had any confidence in his success—including Conan.

And the only person who saw a spark of genius was... David Letterman. (2:20)

Conan just started cranking out as much weird comedy as he could. The Masturbating Bear, Pimpbot 5000, FedEx Pope. There was a pooping robot at some point.

They had a sizeable robot budget.

He was the true spiritual successor to Dave's 80s Late Night show. By this time Dave mellowed out and didn't have the motivation and hunger to innovate like he used to. So Conan filled that role.

I think the reason Conan appealed to me specifically was because I saw a lot of myself in him. I was good at a lot of different styles of comedy—I had this almost shapeshifting ability to customize my humor to the person or audience I was entertaining. But eventually I decided I just wanted to make people feel good. I had to pick a style and stick with it. I wanted to make comedy comfort food that wasn't dumbed down or patronizing. It could be stupid and corny but I didn't want my audience to feel like they were stupid for liking it.

I don't know if I'm making any sense.

Conan was a genuinely nice guy and a constant people pleaser. He didn't have an edge and he didn't need one. He could do innovative comedy without punching down, without trying to push any offensive lines, without saying fucked up shit just to see if he could get away with it.

I'm not even knocking comedians who are skilled at dancing on the line. Some of my favorites of all time played with the line. Lenny Bruce, Richard Pryor, George Carlin, Chris Rock.

Louis CK and Dave Chappelle before they...

*heavy sigh*

But so many comedians at the time thought that was an easy path to success. They didn't realize you had to be incredibly funny in order to stand next to or jump over the line. You had to compensate with amazing jokes to get away with it. But that takes effort and talent and finesse. They preferred laziness and brute forcing edgelord material.

And that is how we got a gaggle of Joe Rogans.

Hmm, we need a better collective noun.

That is how we got an ivermectin of Joe Rogans.

Conan was unapologetically silly. But it had this foundation of intelligence in the subtext. And every once in a while, he'd let an Abe Lincoln fun fact slip out (he could be a legit Lincoln historian if he wanted to). He made comedy for smart people who needed to turn down the volume of their brain for a bit.

Thinking is exhausting sometimes, but you can't shut it off completely.

Conan struggled for several years to find an audience. I think he was on the verge of cancellation every few weeks. I watched him every night from the first show. I started to see what Letterman saw. It was really neat to watch him learn and grow. He taught me that comedy was a journey. And eventually people found him and loved him and the rest is history.

My favorite running gag was definitely the Walker Texas Ranger lever. He'd randomly pull a big red lever and all it did was play a clip from the show. Everyone knows the Haley Joel Osment AIDS clip, but that was not my favorite. (2:40)

Walker was an egalitarian karate pugilist.

It was such a brilliant bit that relied on Conan's setup and reaction. If he just played the clip without the antics, it would not hit as hard. It would be Jay Leno reading the newspaper.

And... I don't have the energy to fully explain Jordan Schlansky.

I wouldn't even know where to start.

The short version is... Conan doesn't quite know how to handle intense nerdy metrosexual autism and hilarity ensues.

I encourage you to go down the Jordan Schlansky rabbit hole. I promise you will start watching and suddenly it will be tomorrow and you'll look at the clock and not be sure if it is AM or PM. If you are wondering, yes, he is really like that. But he pretends not to be self aware to make it funnier.

And then there is Sona. Conan's Armenian assistant who doesn't do a lot of assisting. They are basically siblings. You can tell she became part of his emotional support system. At times she matched Conan's comedic brilliance without any experience or training. She has perfect timing and can hilariously devastate his self esteem like an emotional assassin. (2:45)

There is so much more, but you get the idea.

Conan is a brilliant, silly comedian. And he is a solid dude. Just like Leno, his staff stuck with him. He was a great boss that inspired fierce loyalty. They even moved from New York to Los Angeles for him. And when he lost The Tonight Show he started his own company just so he could keep everyone employed and paid. That eventually evolved into his successful Team Coco podcast network.

Before his TBS show, Conan was contractually obligated to not appear on television for a year. He went on a grueling tour across the country performing a live comedy musical variety show. This was mostly to maintain his staff until they could find a new TV home.

They made a documentary "Conan O'Brien Can't Stop" about this live variety show. Some people thought this revealed Conan to be a bit of a dick. But he just lost his dream job, his entire staff had no source of income, and he was going from city to city working 18 hour days, including a 2 hour, high energy stage show—all while trying to stave off his deep depression. (Also Jack McBrayer was an old friend, and that was an ongoing bit between them.)

I don't think I've seen Conan that vulnerable and that human and you could see his staff doing their best to keep him from imploding. He felt responsible for the livelihoods of hundreds of people. They loved him and knew he was doing it for them.

(And because he needs constant attention and validation, but what comedian doesn't?)

To end things I think I'd like to try one of my comedy exercises.

I'm going to do a Top 7½ list in the style of David Letterman Bob the Frog. I can only promise junior high level comedy.

(Also, if you have never seen Dave do one of these, number 1 always has a drumroll and is purposely bad.)

Top 7½ signs you are in a "clean" comedy club.

7½. The headlining comedian was cancelled for...

7. You ask for the drink specials and the waitress says they might have Diet Sprite in the back.

6. The comic was once ratio'd on Twitter after being called "Temu Jeff Foxworthy."

5. "Back in my day we had Transformers not transgenders. The Autobots' pronouns were roll/out."

4. The comic takes off his belt, holds it up to the crowd and says, "This was what we called Ritalin in the 80s."

3. Your seat has a gun holster next to the cup holder.

2. The comic assures everyone that he "found God" so there is no reason to google his name and "me too."

*drumroll*

Annnnd, the number 1 sign you may be in a clean comedy club is...

1. Thursday is "Free Tennis Balls for Your Walker Night!"

[supernaturalrandomness]

Since this show has been going on for so long (hell, we're living in season 16 now), and I still see people watching it for the first time, it got me curious, when did you start watching/joined the fandom and what were your initial thoughts regarding the characters, the cast, the conventions etc.

I'd like to hear from any of you and I'll tag some of my moots because I love to read your takes (<3) and opinions and I know some of you joined in 2020 or even 2024 so that's interesting to me

@sweetonsugden @cynifer @mistlovesxcas @heller-cockles-truther @meeshsen

For example, I started watching in 2014/15 because a friend recommended the show. I got hooked from day one (even though I hated some episodes like Bugs). When I got to like season 3 I noticed they were doing conventions and there's lots of panels on YouTube so I started binge watching them and I remember at first really enjoying the J2 dynamic and the jokes and the questions really. Then after a while it got a bit annoying when the same questions were asked again and again and I started getting bored when Jared would answer because his answers are so long where's Jensen was more quiet and reserved.

Then I found JIB panels and that's it, that's what truly made me stay here for a decade. It was also around the time I saw Cas on the show for the first time and oh boy did the Destiel hammer knock me out. I started watching Cockles panels because that was a new dynamic and I was amazed by their chemistry and started shipping Cockles but kinda as a joke.

Until two things happened:

SDCC 2017 "he sounds like that in the morning" "how do you know?" and Jensen's red face

Straddlegate 2019. Need I say more? Jensen's "situation" on stage and the selfie we got afterwards was what did me in.

After the horrible finale I left the fandom for a couple years but now I'm back and Cockles posting

[qqueenofhades]

I KNOW he’s gonna find a way to worm his way out of it like the Worlds Biggest Bitch Baby that he is but… the thought of watching our future president absolutely eviscerate that orange sack of pond scum in a debate on national television make me feel indescribable joy. The mere thought of it makes me feel A L I V E.

I hope that if he refuses to debate her, she still stands up there by herself, looks directly into the camera and lists all the ways he’s a Scaredy Little Punk Ass Bitch.

Listen, Democrats might still have some understandable nerves (though listen to me, LISTEN TO ME: this is NOT THE TIME FOR MORE PANIC, THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO TALK ABOUT HOW SCARY THIS IS, WE KNOW! WE KNOW! THIS IS THE TIME TO GET TF IN FORMATION AND DO YOUR GODDAMN JOB!) but let me say this, the Republicans are LOSING it. They put ALL their chips on facing Sleepy Old Joe who don't talk so good anymore, and suddenly they have a 59-year-old lawyer and prosecutor who literally spent her whole elected career going after sex pests, frauds, and felons. (We remember how she made Brett Kavanaugh fucking cry at his confirmation hearing, right?) And suddenly, they have to bring it against Kamala. GODSPEED, DIPSHITS.

So yes, Trump is already whining SO hard about all the money they "wasted" going after Biden, laying the groundwork to escape getting his ass handed to him at the next debate, got stuck with a terriblawful VP pick (even Fucking FOX NEWS cut away from Vance's rally the other day because it was so boring) and suddenly realizing that he spent so much effort to make this election about age and mental competency when... now it's him. WHAT NOW, FUCKFACES. WHAT. NOW.

I'd also like to point out that abortion rights are going to be a HUGE issue, they have won everywhere they have been on the ballot (including in very red states) post-Dobbs, they will be on the ballot in several more important states (including Fucking Florida, not that I actually think we'll win there), and Kamala has a great record as a defender of reproductive freedom. Biden did his best, bless him, but sometimes the Old Catholic Man still leaped out. So the absolute fucking schadenfreude of having a black female president BEAT TRUMP IN A POST-DOBBS ELECTION??? MAGNIFICENT.

(As @silverbirching says: we wonder how many minutes it will take SCOTUS to row back the "president god-king" ruling if Kamala wins. We're guessing 15. That is, if Joe does not finally just embrace the fact that presidents are immune AND he is leaving office, and send Alito, Thomas, and Kav on a "special indefinite vacation" as an inauguration present.)

I am not overconfident. I know this is unprecedented. I know we don't have much time, and how hard this will be. This is not 2016 or 2020, and we all have to do the work and not let up. But if the Handmaid's Tale party is literally now trying to make "Kamala doesn't have children because she's an Evul Feminist" into their main line of attack, all I say is, Please proceed, chucklefucks. I'm sure that will go great.

[waitmyturtles]

Gelboys, and the Delicious Art of Eliciting Cringe

A bunch of my amazing friends are doing an amazing project in rewatching the wonderful 2019 drama, Theory of Love, and watching the romcom films that are thematically associated with each ToL episode. Their recent ToL posts have gotten me thinking about Third and cringe.

When I think about Theory of Love, I always firstly think about wanting to chuck a chancla at Third's conker.

I'm a Khai defender, even while admitting that he was a gigantic putz to Third during a lot of the series. But, as the lovely @lurkingshan said to me when I first tuned into ToL -- Third was the architect of his own misery.

Oh, indeed he was. This incommunicative wet blanket! I wanted to keep yelling at Third: if you crush on a person, they can't read yer mind until you say something about it!

Third filled me with a sense of dread and cringe. He couldn't bring himself to communicate his crush on Khai to Khai. My dread came from watching Khai continue to do his Khai things, with my knowing that Third would get increasingly heartbroken vis à vis Khai, without Third intervening unto himself to stop his cascade into misery until it was too late for him. As a viewer, I saw Third devolve, slowly crumbling into more and more despair.

In my 2023 review of Theory of Love, I argued that part of the show's brilliance in presenting such a pitiful Third at the start was a brilliant narrative move to lull us viewers into feeling a sense of implicit empathy towards Third -- a sympathetic bias that would then lead to us viewers to not question Third on his actually very questionable decisions. I thought it was such a good play on the part of the screenwriters to tease us viewers like this.

What I'm absolutely LOVING about the currently-airing Gelboys are similar feelings of simultaneous empathy and cringe for the guys in the love triangle that's been established as of episode three among Fou4mod, Chian, and Bua.

We were first presented with Fou4mod and his life deal: his wildin' family, his musical predilections, his bisexuality -- and his very strong internal demand for clarity in relationships. Surely the moment of crying in the mall to end episode one gave me the teeny-bopper shivers, but I got the strongest sense of cringe from Fou4mod's behavior at the end of episode two, when we saw him -- in real time!!! -- compromise and negotiate around his internal emotional compass for the sake of keeping the waffling Chian close to him.

(h/t @clairedaring )

That shit was just painful to watch (and it was AMAZINGLY well done). For my sake, it was particularly painful because I could so, so, SO relate to being just like that when I was a teenager.

I'm an old mom and auntie now, but ::hacking cough:: back in mah day, I remember being a 15-year-old teenager and thinking that my only rule in relationships would be that if I was lucky enough to date someone cute, then that would be all I'd need. I wouldn't demand anything else. I'd consider myself worthy if someone cute liked me back.

Cue the sirens and alarms! Someone should have, because of course, with that mindset, I got myself into a whole lot of messy-ass shit, dealing with a bunch of assholes during and well after my college years. I had a common mix of low self-esteem and and ill-conceived priorities that led me to date a string of incompatible dillweeds until I got myself into more mature relationships from my mid-20s on (with those relationships not always being perfect ones, either).

I find the cringe that Fou4mod and Chian present to be SO particularly viscerally painful because, to me -- it is SO relatable.

We have here teenagers who don't know what they're thinking, what they're feeling, what they're even doing -- because they don't have the comparative life experience to know what their actions might result in by way of what we, as the more mature and invisible audience, expect as their natural emotional ends. Fou4mod and Chian have no idea, because this is the first time they're going through these waffling human interactions, in love, dating, courtship, relationships, hook-ups, whatever.

Take even Chian's waffling and cringey behavior. I am loving all the varied takes on Chian (cc @tinrange and @mirmoria). It is so easy at this point, now that we've consumed episode three, to perhaps demonize Chian, and I definitely feel at times like I want to do that, too.

But I want to take a step back and assess Chian's existence as we know it at this moment -- from my perspective, of all things, as a worried mom, and as a former teen myself.

I love what @tinrange presented in her post about Chian's existence and status as a teenager who is very, very alone, and is looking for some kind of connection ANYWHERE, no matter how unhealthy he knows, and his friends know, those connections to be. Chian is so alone, we might even consider his current state one of (temporary?) abandonment. I love that his moment getting advice from chatGPT shocked so many of us to states of stomach discomfort.

But, also -- this kid is ALWAYS connected online. The headphones are in. Killing time with his napping and/or studying friends, watching a drama on 2.0x. Scrolling IG endlessly. Repeatedly editing his Close Friends list. Thinking about the symbolism of sharing a story to literally one person. Receiving the heartbreak, in silence, of realizing those symbolic efforts keep cyclically coming to naught as Bua flip-flops his attention to others.

Chian is in an almost constant state of distraction. During the very few times that we see him disconnected -- like the moment above, when he sees Bua with Moo after doing Bua's nails (like a chump), or the moment when he negotiates his unclear status with Fou4mod -- he is able to, finally, get in touch with the discomfort of the instability of his status with Bua. And it's clearly breaking him.

But he's not stopping the cycle, as of episode three. His wheel, for now, seems to keep turning in the same direction, back towards his attraction to Bua, almost serving Bua the attention that Bua wants, on a platter.

Chian, I'd posit, doesn't have the life experience yet to know how to break that cycle. From the perspective of a worried mom, what would I say to Chian? "That Bua guy is a POS, you gotta move on"?

My advice would be useless, we know that. We know Chian's not been listening to his friends, to the point of his friends giving up on Chian, knowing Chian is going to repeat the cycle of servitude and rejection that he's been dishing up to Bua.

But besides Chian not listening to his friends, I'll say again that Chian -- especially without the physical presence of supportive and empathetic family near him to give him perhaps sounder advice than his friends -- does not have the guidance or skill set to know HOW to change his behavior. He might only be able to break away from Bua when Bua does something idiotic or drastic. Which, we know, will leave Chian even more in the dumps -- because that specific scenario would leave Chian with absolutely no agency to change his hoped-for outcomes.

WE, as the viewers, know how Chian needs to change his behavior. But Chian, as a very wonderfully written natural teenager, has no idea how to do that yet. And I think that's just so very raw and realistic, and it's being beautifully done in this show.

What was great about Khai in Theory of Love was that, in the second half of the series, we saw him engage in very specific acts of behavioral change to get to a place to be a realistic partner to Third. I talked in my ToL piece about how behavioral change is very much the most difficult type of change a human can make.

While I don't have a lot of hope for a positive outcome for Chian (YET), I am at least encouraged by Fou4mod continuing to dally around the center of his own moral compass, hinting to Chian that he'd like an update on that status question, stat.

Fou4mod centers himself around his desire for clarity, even though he's really messing around the edges of it, eliciting the concern of Baabin. But Fou4mod still has that conviction. It hasn't burnt out yet. He has hope, and that hope is defining and disappointing him, as we see in the last scene of the episode, as he stands in-between Bua, Moo, and Chian. And unlike Chian -- Fou4mod has family, lots of it, around him, and a friend that's patiently by his side, there to comment on Fou4mod's navigation of this very titchy and ick situation.

Fou4mod has optimism and is guided by his center. Bua seems like a big ol' playa (but we'll find out more if/when we get an episode about him). While Chian, in many ways, does indeed deserve to be put into a blender, I want to make one little note of hope I have for him, something that makes me cringe at him just a tiny little bit less:

While Bua used his Close Friends list to show off his flirting towards Moo to Chian, Chian removed Fou4mod from his list before he uploaded his own flirtatious moment with Bua.

The whole IG flirting circle thing is just messy and uncool anyway. But at least Chian thought to put up a boundary that Bua himself hadn't thought of. Maybe Chian will show us a glimpse of an internal compass that we're unaware of as this series goes on.

[mad-whovian]

Wish World/Reality War: I will start with things I liked, Rogue's cameo, "Tables don't do that," was ridiculous but funny. Ruby and Shirley planning to kill God. Anita saving the Doctor, girl came through. The moment 15 took off his coat and we saw him in his original outfit also the scene at unit his "I'm the Doctor." Like yes. How the Doctor and everyone were so happy to see that Poppy didn't disappear after the wish ended. The Doctor so ready to baby-proof the TARDIS for Poppy. Belinda and the Doctor folding Poppy's coat as they make plans for future travels, and the coat disappearing into nothingness, heartbreaking. Thirteenth's cameo, her and 15's hug, and the "I should say that to Yaz," !!!

But on the other hand, I wish Anita had more to do other than just being a glorified door man. Poppy was cute and all but everyone was way too intense about that child, the Doctor to the point of committing suicide (at a point where he didn't even remember who she was) and Belinda with the "I don't care what UNIT thinks, or Time Lords or gods or anyone. I remember her being my daughter and if I remember it, then it's true" like girl what? Not even half an hour ago you running through the woods and screaming because you couldn't even remember giving birth to that child when asked how long you were in labor with her for, so what memories do you have exactly?

And then Belinda spends majority of the episode in a box with the kid, missing all the action, the cut to the zero room and the utter silence just kills me, (as Varada Sethu looks into that child's eyes and wonders why she ever took this role, if all they were going to do is waste her potential).

Ruby had permission to punch Conrad, and didn't take it, instead we got "Conrad's World... it could have been so much worse. A fantasy world, I'd expect guns and whisky and girls. But yours is nice. It's actually nice." I thought she was bluffing to get him to lower the gun, but worse she meant it and then Conrad's "I did what we he said. The Doctor. He told me, people just want to be safe and fed and warm. So that's what I did." Oh but FYI those people don't include the disabled or the trans (because he can't even imagine trans people could exist). Fuck off. I hate that Conrad got a happy ending.

The whole Omega and two Ranis plot resolution was so underwhelming, and yeah there wasn't much to it, so I don't really know what else to say about it.

Why does Ruby remember Poppy when everyone else forgets, actually why does Ruby remember all the other timelines? I know it's something to do with the events of 73 Yards, but 73 yards itself is such a convoluted mystery that it can't be a good explanation for this.

Did the Doctor just rewrite Belinda's entire life to cater to a child that didn't even need to exist? Is that what happened? That's crazy. What's even crazier is that it's presented as a good thing. So when Conrad does it, it's bad, but when the Doctor does it, it's fine. Laughable. The whole reason the Doctor wanted Poppy is that he's sterile and can't have kids (I won't even get into that, it's so convoluted) but in the end Poppy's only human so what was the point of it all?

So I did get spoiled that he turns into Billie Piper, because I wasn't filtering out the Rose Tyler tag (didn't think there was a need to in the year of our lord 2025) and ironically it was a post discussing if she's even the Doctor because she wasn't credited as such, and I say this as a Piper fan since childhood I don't want this either way, bringing back Tennant as 14 already ruined 10's run for me. Like I always used to feel sad when 10 had to erase Donna’s memories on rewatches now I'm just like "eh give it 15 years, it'll all be undone and pointless" so if Billie is back as Rose, I don't want them to undo her ending like they did Donna’s, and if she's really the Doctor in-universe, it's just... weird.

Also bringing back Tennant gave 13-antis the opportunity to say "Doctor Who is great again" (read that in Trump's voice) type shit and now they're doing the same thing with 15. Your first female Doctor was replaced by an old face of everyone's favorite straight white guy, your first black doctor was replaced by an old face of everyone's favorite white blonde girl, like don't you see the problem here?

I'm a fan of both Tennant and Piper, don't get it twisted, but it's also true that they are a step backward from what Whittaker and Gatwa brought to the table, and I don’t like to hate on showrunners, because they're just people who are trying to write stories, and they can't appease everyone, and they have to answer to higher-ups and all that, but RTD move on, TenRose aren't the entirety of the show and for the love of- learn how to write women you misogynistic, racist, piece of- okay no, all I'm saying is that the show is in desperate need of new direction, and it won't come under RTD.

[seeminglydark]

plz tell us more about the upcoming Creaky book 🙏

(ps: hope you feel better soon)

The Creaky Book! omg ok so in 2020 i moved to Norway, the country got shut down like a week later cuz of the pandemic, i was SUPER SICK from undiagnosed illness (colitis) like couldnt stand up for longer than 15 minutes sick, and i was deep in working on Seemingly Dark but a little burnt out and thought I'd make a quick short comic about a character from the story, John, and his cat. Just a cute little thing right?! Well there was a lot of unrest back home and in my own mind and it ended up being a traumatic back story about a punkrock teen, his shitty dad and how ultimately a kitten saved his life. and SO MANY PEOPLE resonated with it, I have wanted to do a proper redraw ever since.

The book will be black and white, cuz I don't have enough brain cells for color. Right now its at 52 pages, I'm estimating it'll be around 75 in the end. I've gotten to add a LOT of interaction between John and his new friend Maddie, and her own issues, which is really nice, i love their friendship and we don't see enough of it in SD. Other than that it's pretty true to the original version but with way better art (five years later it better be haha) I've been working on this thing for about 2 years now and we are ALMOST THERE!

Synopsis: boy gets out of prison for a crime he didn't commit. the system sucks, and it failed him, and he ends up homeless and struggling. he's at the end of his rope and about to give up on life, but one night he finds a box in a dumpster, and in that box is a tiny baby kitten. our hero is a softie at heart, so he embarks on an adventure to find a way to save his new tiny friend, and in doing so, just might save himself too.

here's some links to the past things I've posted about it (ps none of these have been edited so they might have grammar errors!)

Concept art 1

concept art 2

sneak peek comic 1

sneak peek comic 2

sneak peek comic 3

and here's some of the newest pages!