#though that being said i don't have the ability to do a damn thing at all right now

[alltimefail]

Random thought that could could absolutely be nothing, an over-analyzation of sorts even, but I have always found it interesting that in the Devlin house episode Charles gets sucked into the loop starting from the point he snaps at Edwin about him "Not being the all-knowing expert on all things." It's especially interesting to me because after he does so, Edwin tells Charles that he's "...Not acting like himself at all."

In theory, Charles could have just reappeared when Mr. Devlin turns the corner or when he approaches Mr. Devlin here:

because if the point of repetition here is to show us that the abuse Charles suffered at the hands of his own father is what causes him to get trapped in the loop, either of those moments would have been sufficient in supporting that idea. The dialogue shared beforehand between him and Edwin has little to do with the point at hand...unless...

Charles feeling pain about his own father isn't the whole sum of why he gets trapped in the loop; his fear that he's just LIKE his father, that he's not a good person, that he's "Cruel for the shits," and capable of hurting the people he loves (and thus undeserving of their love) is also what traps him in the loop, and that's why his "loop" starts with him snapping at Edwin.

Even though we as viewers can empathize with and understand why Charles snaps at Edwin given the circumstances, it's very unlikely that Charles extends that same grace to himself. I would argue that we see the multi-faceted layers of his trauma explored in various ways from this moment on. Charles himself even later admits that all he feels is anger despite the fact that he wants to be "a good guy." Charles has yet to understand that it's possible to be good and feel anger, that anger in and of itself is not bad, and that feeling strong negative emotions like grief or anger does not make a person dangerous or abusive like his father was...nor does it guarantee that he would use his anger to harm others. So, with that in mind, of course Charles' loop would start with him lashing out at Edwin, as opposed to it just starting with him lashing out at Brandon Devlin; it's not just about feeling powerless to stop the abuse, it's about feeling like you play a role in it. It's about the deep-rooted fear that maybe you actually deserved the abuse you suffered because you are not good, and just by being related to an abuser you are damned to be just like them, or worse. Charles worries about who he truly is, deep down, and that maybe Edwin is wrong when he says that Charles isn't acting like himself: maybe the darkest parts that he works so hard to bury are actually who he truly is, and his ability to throw careless, harmful, biting words at someone he loves deeper than anyone else may be a reflection of this. After all, his father loved his mother, he loved Charles, and look what he did to them... how he hurt them beyond repair. What if he is the same?

OR: the trauma Charles deals with isn't only the violence his father enacted on him (shown through what Brandon Devlin does to his family), but it's also the violence he feels capable of enacting himself (shown through his ability to throw harsh words toward Edwin who Charles openly claims is the "most important person in the world" to him).

What furthered this idea even more for me (and added a bit of salt to the wound frankly) was Crystal and Edwin's reactions to Charles being pulled into the loop. Out of shock, confusion, and frustration Crystal immediately turns to Edwin for answers but for a moment he is just frantic and uncharacteristically frazzled, only able to say, "Charles was right, I don't know everything..." and OUCH, right? But it emphasizes that 1) what Charles said to Edwin was quite hurtful, 2) that it did have an (unintentional) impact on Edwin, and 3) that Charles himself very well might have realized it was hurtful as soon as it left his mouth thus, again, why it would make sense that his loop began there.

It takes a strong emotional reaction to be pulled into a loop; the possibly that this moment was written to work on two levels of Charles' inner turmoil is quite clever (and extremely heartbreaking).

Again, it could absolutely be nothing... but it's worth pondering!!

[bunny-1111]

Mr fix it - dad Theo Nott x femreader

Description: Theodore is protective over his wife and daughter as they accidentally take a fall into the lake under his supervision

Word count: 1.65k

Fluff

Warning: mentions of falling into the lake (no complete drowning, just panic)

likes comments + reblogs appreciated xx

...

After graduating high school, Theodore wasted no time in proposing.

It was a collection of things. He didn't want to risk the two of you drifting apart. With his senior father falling ill, Theodore knew what would be waiting for him with his father's departure, a huge mansion, too much money and oh so much time.

Being all alone in that house was his nightmare. He knew he would go insane if you were not by his side, as his wife, creating a home out of that residency together.

So that you did. A small, intimate ceremony, your close friends and family, a not-so-humble celebration at the manor that would soon be yours to share.

When at Hogwarts, you practically lived with each other; your dorm was his and vice versa. Moving in was bliss.

You had redecorated the house and brought life back into its rooms; it was such a big property, though it never felt empty; how could it? When it was filled with so much young love.

After falling pregnant with your daughter, Theodore's whole demeanour shifted; a once carefree young boy had become an observant young man, the father of his little girl.

He would make sure, heavy or sharp objects weren't in her reach.

Her bedroom, to Theo's liking, was almost bare of furniture, simply her bed, a rocking chair and a small table cluttered with books, avoiding almost all ability of injury.

He would hover over her each step she took; this became harder the faster she ran; he was so scared of her own two feet, his arms never too far away, in case he needed to catch her.

"You need to relax, Teddy. She's not made of bubble wrap. Children are meant to fall and cry. It's natural" you expressed, sliding into bed next to him

"I know, I just don't want to see either of you hurt, ever." he sighed back

"Theo, when have we ever" you smiled at his foolish panic

"You do your damn best at keeping us safe alright, just take a step back. It'll be good for her, ok?" you said, hands through his hair

He looked into your eyes, "Ok?" you repeated

"Ok." he agreed, kissing you goodnight.

You were quick to fall asleep. Theo laid, eyes open, mind awake. How could he sit back and not do everything he could to make sure his precious girls didn't get hurt, even by accident. His heart strings pulled at the very thought of you both, it came from love, such devotion to his two brilliant girls, his wife and daughter.

The next afternoon, as he rested and watched against a large tree in the backyard, he observed the two of you playing near the lake on the property's edge.

'they're fine', leave them be', he reminded himself, body heavy against the tree, eyes still glued to you two.

When, from his distance, he saw your energetic three-year-old jump around you, you were wearing a long flowing dress; it was just a little too long for your body, as he had watched you hold it up in your hands to avoid tripping.

His two girls picked flowers by the lakeside, placing them into a basket you carried on your arm.

It was in a flash of a second as he watched your daughter step on the hanging fabric, causing you to fall in the water, "Daddy!" your small child called out

He sprinted toward you. "Stay there!" he yelled towards her. As he ran, he watched his daughter willingly enter the water to try and help you before he could get to you, completely ignoring his instructions

The problem was the dress was too heavy, you were struggling to stay afloat, and your daughter, she didn't know how to swim.

You held your daughter above water as she kicked against the current in fright, gasping for air yourself; you were swallowing too much water.

Without hesitation, Theodore plunged to your rescue, taking your daughter into his hand, the other pulling you with them.

She cried in confusion as she was placed onto the grass, but her now very drenched father, "Don't move darling", he sternly instructed her as he rushed to your side, rubbing your back as you coughed up.

"What's wrong with mommy?" your daughter questioned, tears still falling down her face. She knew she was responsible

"She's alright, mommy's alright," he said, holding your hair back as you caught your breath.

Crawling towards your daughter, you lay down completely on the grass next to her, "I'm ok, sweetheart", wiping the tears off her now puffy cheeks.

Theodore knew the child was ok, so he cupped your face to inspect for anything. When he was satisfied, he joined your place on the floor

"Holy shit" he muttered, grasping what just unfolded, placing his daughter onto his lap

"We're fine" you smiled towards your obviously freaked-out husband

"Sorry" your daughter frowned

"Don't ever come in the water again, alright, not until we teach you how to swim," you say, trying to hide your own panic about what might have happened if Theo wasn't closed; she nodded in agreement.

That night in bed, after putting your daughter into her own room, Theodore suggested removing the lake altogether.

"No, that's not necessary, Theo", you insisted

"and just after you told me to lay off as well" he shook his head, rubbing his eyes

"we're safe thanks to you, alright? Even if we do get hurt, you always come and fix it, piece us back together," you soothed

He couldn't even look at you without reimagining you fighting in the water

"Well, I know something you don't know, something that might cheer you up" You smiled, gently moving his face towards your own

"What's that?" he said, looking deeply into your eyes

Before you could reply, your daughter crept into your bed, sliding herself into the middle of you both

"Are you ok, my love?" you ask your little girl as she moves beside you

"I no sleep" she huffed, getting comfortable

Theodore smiled, eyes wandering between you both

"What are we call, baby brother, daddy?" she questioned

"You want a baby brother?" he said, gently wrapping his long arm across you and your child

You tried to hide your face

"No silly Daddy, Mommy said he's coming soon", she smiled with excitement

"Really?" Theodore said to you, sitting upwards

"yeah," you laughed as Theodore placed kisses all over your face, your daughter laughing at the commotion.

This meant two things, his family extending and another little human to worry over.

i love dad theo

Author Note: sorry, I've been so busy haven't had the chance to upload and write, but more is on the way. Don't worry - requests are open

[feyascorner]

Sure, Astarion has his reasons for being the way he is, but he wasn't a good man before Cazador either.

He was a corrupt magistrate of high society, who had an insatiable thirst for power and immortality. He got it in the end, but at a cost he never expected to pay.

So imagine if he and Tav met centuries before the events of the game? Tav being one of the “commoners” he looks down upon, scrunching his nose in disgust at the library when your fingers brush against one another as you try to reach for the same book. He yanks his hand away so abruptly that it makes you blink.

“Ah, sorry, did you want it?” you hold out the book in his direction, but he’s already scowling. You’re by no means filthy, but he thinks you might as well be with how your clothes would fetch less than a few dozen gold pieces at the local market. And rather than having your hair neatly arranged like other ladies of high society, yours is messily tied back with a string, in a manner he'd consider disheveled.

“I did,” he mutters in return. “You can keep the damn thing, dear. I no longer have any need for it.”

You don’t know where this snarkiness is coming from, so all you can do is watch as he strides away, lips sealed in a confident yet mildly annoyed frown. He swears he won't return to this library again if those are the kinds of guests they allow in these days.

So imagine his surprise when he meets you at the nautiloid crash site. Well, he doesn't recognize you at first. You don't either. Who would? You've only said one sentence to one another. But when you see him reading at his tent, you mention favorite books of your own even though he never actually asked. Within them, is the very title of the book he let you have—which happens to be some obscure book basically nobody else reads.

He remembers you, because his encounter with you was just a day before he’d been ambushed and turned into what he is. And it’s an underestimate to say he's reimagined that very day at least a few hundred times in his head.

The same can't be said for you. You remain oblivious.

But he's different now. He stitches the rips on his own shirt at least a dozen times a month, making sure the seams blend flawlessly and the cloth makes him look as flattering as he possibly can. In the past, he would've made the expensive personal tailors do the work, but 200 years as a slave can enact more than a few lifestyle changes to an elf.

However, similar to then, he notices you're still struggling in your own ability to sew.

“Like this, darling,” he says again. “Through the loop, here.”

As you marvel innocently at his handiwork, he smiles. He's not sure how you can derive such joy from a simple needle with a thread, but he doesn't complain about the way you fawn over him rather than anyone else. He thinks about his first reaction to you, much to his avoidance. He misjudged you at the time. Terribly. And while he’ll come around to telling you eventually, he’d rather find little ways to make up for it for now.

And if he has to use a needle on the rips of your pants to do so, so be it. Besides, he thinks he likes sewing—especially when it’s for you.

[villainousauthor]

Would you plss write something where a villain and hero realize they're soulmates? Thank you<333

Hero grunted in pain as they clutched their abdomen and tried to catch their breath. Their head swam, and their vision blurred as they attempted to gain their bearings. One second, they were in a massive fight against several villains. The next, they found themselves being pushed back through a portal. Supervillain was likely to blame for that, with his ability to warp people anywhere in the world.

Hopefully, their communicator wasn't broken in battle, so they'll be able to send their location to their team. If they could even find it.

They try to stand, and immediately, their vision starts to darken around the edges and their head throbs. With a hiss they fall back to the ground.

"Careful, you probably have a concussion."

Hero cranes their neck to see Villain a few feet away, remarkably less injured and approaching. They don't have any weapons drawn, but still, hero feels their heart lurch.

They open their mouth, trying to speak. "I didn't see you go through the portal.. " Even their voice is laced with pain.

Villain is closer now and stops a few feet away, kneeling so they're at eye level. They seem to be assessing Hero's current state. Probably to see if they can easily finish them off, Hero assumes.

"I came in after you." Villain says nonchalantly, like this is the most obvious thing in the world. They eye the blood currently dripping down Hero's head, and the large gash in their arm.

Hero snort, and their chests aches in protest. "Why, to finish the job? Make sure I don't come back?"

Standing up and getting closer, Villain rolls their eyes.

"No, idiot. One day, if you die, it's not going to be at Supervillain's hands. Or because you bled out in-" Villain looks around at the tall trees, the lack of buildings or signs of civilization. "- the middle of the...pacific northwest? I don't even know where we are." They finish, unsure.

Hero tries to sit up as Villain kneels down again, closer this time. "I don't know either. I lost all my tech, I don't even have a way of contacting my team."

"Lucky for you, my stuff faired much better." Villain says smugly, and Hero wishes they could knock the look off their face. "I'll send my location to my henchmen, and they'll come to get us."

Villain reaches out for their arm, and Hero immediately finds themselves flinching away. Villain's lips press into a thin line.

"I'm not going to kill you, like I said. Unless you want to bleed out before someone arrives, you should let me treat your wounds." Villain's voice is firm as they pull a small first aid kid off their utility belt.

"I'm not going to bled out, it's not that bad." Hero tries to keep a defiant edge to their voice. For all they know, Villain will kill them, probably inject them with some poison or something just to make it easy.

"How bad did you hit your head? Are you blind suddenly? Because it looks pretty damn bad." Villain opens the small kit, showing Hero the contents. "Look, normal first aid crap." Their brows are furrowed, frustrated by Hero's reluctance.

Finally, after several tense seconds, Hero relents. They nod and slump their shoulders, as Villain moves closer now.

"The amount of trust issues you have is ridiculous..." They grumble under their breath as they slowly pull the damaged and blood-soaked sleeve of Hero's uniform back. They get a good look at the deep and long cut. Their frown deepens.

Pulling off their dirty gloves, Villain speaks again as they reach for something else.

"I'm going to have to clean this before I dress it. You might need sutures, though." Grabbing alcohol wipes, they use one hand to hold Hero's arm steady, grabbing their forearm.

Hero immediately hisses and jumps back, wrenching their arm from Villain's grasp.

"Jesus christ! Cleaning it shouldn't hurt that much!" Hero exclaims, even more tense. "What did you do, burn me?" They demand, but then they see Villain's expression. Their eyes are focused on Hero's arm, and their face looks cloudy and unreadable. They don't respond to what Hero said, like they didn't register it.

Hero looks down at their arm, and their eyes widen when they see it. Right on their arm, below the wound is a handprint. A completely different shade than Hero's skin tone, it stands out. A soulmark. Right where Villain grabbed them.

"Oh..." Is all Hero can manage to say in this moment. Villain seems to snap out of their trance and reaches for Hero's arm quickly, wrapping their hand back around where the mark is. It fits perfectly.

"This is...this really...this wasn't here before, right?" Villain asks, even though they saw Hero's completely blank and markless skin moments before. They unknowingly tighten their hold, and Hero yelps, their arm still in pain.

Pulling their hand back like they were burned, Villain finally meets Hero's eyes. "You're..." Villain trails off, shaking their head. They look away, palm to their forehead like they're trying to process this.

Hero feels like the forest floor will open up any minute and swallow them whole. If it weren't for their probable concussion, they're sure they would be taking this a lot harder. It feels like there's a charge around them now, an electrical current, live and dangerous between them.

Finally, Villain swallows and talks. "Let me just...let me just treat your wounds, and we can talk about this later." They manage.

Hero just nods as Villain returns to their first aid kit, ignoring the spark and air of tension now between them.

[mikachacha]

𝙲𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚒 (𝙱𝚊𝚍𝚊 𝙻𝚎𝚎 𝚡 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛)

Synopsis: You and Bada are secretly dating but also competing against each other in Street Woman Fighter. You're in Jam Republic while she's leading team Bebe. So when she saw you perform for Hwasa choreography draft mission, she could've sworn that she lost her shit at how enticing you looked.

Warnings: very suggestive content (possibility of being a smut) and language

(A/N: I've been watching the choregraphies for Chili and damn they're all hot 🤤)

🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸

Being in a secret relationship is hard, but being in a competition against your girlfriend is harder. You're the sixth member of Jam Republic while Bada is the leader of Bebe. Your teams often clashed but you didn't let that come between you two. You still loved each other the same and are each other's hype woman.

To keep the professionalism up, whenever there's an upcoming mission, you guys don't discuss any competition related to each other and don't send any pics or videos of both your teams' routines even though the both of you loved showing off to each other, especially when it comes to dancing so when the Hwasa choreography draft mission came, both of you were completely blown away by each other's performance.

"Damn.. My girlfriend is so hot what the actual fuckkkk?!?" you couldn't help yourself but gush over Bada as well as team Bebe which made your own teammates laugh.

"It's like you're only seeing it for the first time." Ling nudged you while laughing and you turned to her with a pout on your face.

"It is the first time that I saw that! Well except for when we were asked to perform a little bit of our concepts to the other teams. But still! They changed some parts." You said and Kirsten only chuckled, ruffling your hair.

"I think Bada will be on your ass later after she watches you perform. We did keep the juiciest parts for this." Kirsten grinned and you couldn't help but smile mischievously at what she said. Bada is definitely in for a surprise.

When it was your group's turn to perform, you looked at Bada and smirked which she found a bit strange. It made her feel nervous and excited at the same time so she eagerly watched you perform with your group. To say that she lost her ability to think rationally is a huge understatement. Seeing you on stage, dancing so enticingly, especially when you did the floor work.. It made Bada's jaw drop. She's sure that you'll be the cause of her demise at how hot you looked.

"I want to go up there and just snatch her then go home.." Bada whined while her team members laughed. Their leader is so far gone, probably imagining all the dirty things she's gonna do to you when you get home.

"I seriously feel bad for Y/N-unnie.. The way Bada-unnie is looking at her right now doesn't look like she's gonna be resting when they get home." Sowoen jokingly said and the others agreed with her. The way Bada is looking at you reminds them of a wolf waiting to pounce on its prey.

When you finished, you saw Bada looking at you, her eyes held hunger and a promise that she wouldn't be letting you rest immediately when you get home. You visibly gulped at her expression. Oh you're in trouble. When filming finally wrapped up, you immediately went to Jam Republic's room to change clothes.

"Jesus! You nearly gave me a heart attack!" you could've sworn you passed away for a few seconds when you opened the door to go outside and saw that Bada was standing there, waiting for you. Your teammates couldn't help but chuckle at what was about to happen. They knew all too well.

"Have fun, you two! And be safe going home." Audrey shouts from inside the room as you were stepping out. You turned to look at them, glaring at each one playfully before finally going home with Bada. Bada was completely silent all the way home and it made you nervous but decided to not point it out because you know your fate is sealed the moment you stepped on that stage dancing to Hwasa's new song.

When you finally entered your shared apartment, Bada immediately kissed you. It was hot and passionate, her hands trailing against your sides while your arms were loosely wrapped around her shoulders. She kissed you like there was no tomorrow before moving to kiss you jaw and neck, leaving marks here and there which made you whine in protest but didn't really put in any effort to stop Bada.

"Oh pretty girl.. You looked so sexy earlier.. Do you know how hard it was for me to not go up there and just snatch you mid performance?" Bada whispered and those words sent shivers up your spine.

Bada led you to the bedroom and the both of you were naked in no time. Her mouth trailed kisses all over your body, making sure to abuse those sensitive spots of yours to make you moan and writhe beneath her. She loves hearing the sounds you make, especially when her fingers are working in and out of you.

"Fuck.. Bada, please.." you moaned out loud as she continued to tease you. Her fingers are just barely brushing against your spot and you're getting frustrated because you wanted her to stop teasing and get on with it. Bada chuckles hearing your plea. She could hear the frustration and desperation in your voice which she found so adorable.

"Anything for you, princess." she smirks and you were seeing stars after she said that. She was relentlessly working her fingers inside you, making sure to hit your spot every single time while her mouth worked against your sensitive nub. You're hoarse from moaning and sometimes screaming out her name as she made you come again and again before you're spent.

Bada took care of you, cleaned you up and cuddled with you after everything was done. She was placing kisses on your face while brushing your hair with her fingers to help you fall asleep. You smiled at the gesture and closed your eyes, falling asleep being held by Bada.

[lovelyladyabsinthewrites]

Can you do a touya/Dabi fic with shotos twin sister and just had one quirk which was fire so she was tossed aside so she resented her dad and somehow she met dabi/touya and he made her his little spy but she also desperately clings to him at times when she reports to him and stays close since she never got that affection (Btw for outfits she usually wears tank tops and bootcut jeans) please and thank you

Warnings: sorry this took forever for me to get out, been meaning to get to it cuz i miss writing for dabi x todoroki!reader, tons of trigger warnings, sibling incest, siblingxsibling relationships, betrayal, manipulation, resentment, overall dark themes, dysfunctional todoroki family ft, mind the tags, don't read if you don't like the subject matter 🖤

Inhaling deeply before letting out a slow, steady, breath, you pull open the large front door of Endeavor's agency. You could survive a few hours in the presence of your father. Or rather, lingering in the background like the little ghost you were.

No one would dare to say it out loud, but everyone and their mother knew you were the spare twin compared to your slightly older brother Shoto. He was the pride and joy of the Todoroki family, unlike you. At first you believed it to be unfair. You were in the womb at the same time as him. Why didn't you get a ice and fire quirk?

Was it really because he was the first born? That couldn't be it.

Your white flames, while hotter than even your father's, did little to impress him.

You didn't turn any heads when you enter your father's personal floor of his agency's building. This task was easy. Stealing information and sending it to your older brother and his crew became a normal thing for you.

"See, I told you we should have her around." Dabi argued in your defense while caressing the side of your face. "She's a good girl who listens to her big brother, aren't you?" Some would call his tone degrading. You felt the tenderness in his hand though as it delicately angled your face upward so he could look into your mismatched eyes. One the hue of a storm in the sky, the other the color of a raging sea. That’s what Dabi always said before you closed your eyes to go to bed.

Shigaraki and the rest of the League were less thrilled about you being anywhere near them. While you weren't popular like your father or Shoto, many still knew your face. Having you around could be more of a risk than the League were willing to pay.

You just wanted to make him happy, to keep his eyes solely on you. If it involved betraying the other members of your family (including your twin brother Shoto) then so be it. You would let Dabi’s words consume you entirely, making you his mindless slave.

The rest of the League members could chalk it up to Dabi simply using sweet words to manipulate you. He didn’t care about anything. Especially his family. What made you different?

Now that was a secret that Dabi would not utter. His praise filled words were genuine when it came to you and Dabi would be damned if he had to give you up again because of Tomura. He'd make sure you'd make yourself indispensable to the League. They'd have to let you stay.

You were just as determined as Dabi was to keep your place. You hated to even pretend to be under allegiance to your father or any superhero for that matter. They'd always looked down on you for not being like Shoto. Never being enough for them or their world. But you were enough for Dabi.

Slipping the flashdrive up your sleeve, you leave just as you had arrived: unseen. Just in case the cameras hidden throughout the building were focused on you, you'd nonchalantly picked up some of your father's paperwork in appearance of tidying up his workspace like the good daughter you were.

It made you sick to your stomach thinking that not too long ago, all you'd ever wanted was Endeavor's attention and approval. Shoto suppressed his fire ability for years, associating it with his abusive father so you thought you had a shot. You spent hours upon hours practicing with your flames to make them hotter and hotter and finally to where they could melt anything and everything. Leaving not even ash behind.

When you hand Shigaraki the flashdrive, he grudgingly accepts it with a stiff nod. He didn't want to admit that you were providing them incredibly valuable information that all other villain groups lacked.

He ignores Dabi's smug grin as he slung his arm around your shoulder, giving the top of your head a peck. "Knew you could do it." His brings his hand up for his fingers to brush against your cheek.

You felt it again.

The world stopping and all breath departing from your lungs. You wanted Dabi to brand you with his palm, to use his blue flames and scorch your skin so you would always have a piece of him.

Then Dabi leans down, lips caressing the shell of your ear and in his husky tone he calls you "Good girl."

Blushing and highly aware of how Dabi simply towered over you, you shyly duck your head. "Ha. . . it was nothing."

Everyone learned to simply avert their attention when Dabi's affections for you walked on the razor's edge of what was appropriate.

You'd proven to be their perfect spy. Shigaraki couldn't wait to see you in actual battle. That would really be the test of your usefulness.

[velvetures]

Helluuuu!! I saw your post about sending requests and mine is actually a really simple one cause I don't have a creative but I just though about a ghost hurt/comfort story

Little Secrets

A/N: So this is very self-indulgent... I hope you don't mind. I think there are quite a few people who struggle with taking meds for depression/anxiety or feel guilty for it. Me included. Hopefully, this helps everyone feel valid, seen, and supported. Summary: Task Force 141 is where you belong. But it doesn't make the work easy by any means. You finally get the help you need and try hiding it. Ghost notices and is the one who sets you straight. T/W: depression/anxiety themes, medication, guilt, insecurity of reader, fem reader, and I'm sure I've missed something, so let me know.

photo by: pedropcl

You couldn't keep fighting it for any longer.

Staring down at the two orange bottles of pills in your hands and the directions packets in the other, you felt like you'd failed despite the psychiatrist you'd spoken to reassure you that this was certainly not a failure. Your brain kept refuting that this was a step in the right direction. Working as a professional and legal murderer should've meant you had no feelings. No failures of regulating your emotions or having such miserable trouble falling asleep at night. That nice woman who'd put the prescription in for you said it would take two to three weeks to see a difference. It felt like no time, yet an eternity all at once. Relief felt so far away, but insignificant compared to other people you often compared your personal struggles with.

You weren't homeless, you could eat without worrying, you had clothes and shoes all of the time, and never needed to wonder if you would have enough money to take care of your responsibilities. Education hadn't been a problem, you were well-respected despite being a woman in such a male-dominated field and kept up with your work extremely well. At least, when your brain decided to deny that you had the ability to do anything. Or... repeatedly try to convince you that nothing you did was worth a damn or actually made you useful. Vicious cycles of fighting with your own brain, knowing that you shouldn't feel or think this way but have no strength or way of stopping. None of the "hacks," meditations, or affirmation bullshit touched that panicky feeling you had mere minutes after laying down at night.

The pills shaking around in your hands were your last resort. And they made you feel so fucking embarrassed as you tucked them in your pockets before entering back into HQ. Praying to god that none of the 141 would see you with them or hear that slight sound of them rattling in their bottles. By grace or luck, you were able to avoid all of them and got back to your quarters to stash them under your bed in a small ammo box repurposed for some personal belongings. The directions you'd thrown away on your drive back, just taking a picture of them for reference and ditching the paper copies so you wouldn't have to keep track of those.

"This better fucking help," You breathe out heavily to yourself.

Staring up at the ceiling and almost dreading having to take one tonight before bed and the other when you wake up the next morning. Daily reminders of how you couldn't be hard and cold like the others. Cool and collected like Gaz, confident like Soap, unaffected like Ghost, or just so very reliable like Price. It made you feel like the weak link needing support. You'd never needed it before, and within two years you'd suddenly realized that your own mind was winning in a fight you'd never even been aware of fighting in the first place.

Keeping all of them in the dark about this would be safest. If they didn't need to question your stability, then it wouldn't feel like such pressure to perform. And hopefully, after a few weeks, things might start to shift a little. Maybe enough to where you could begin sorting out the other problems without the image of a cluttered attic representing the state of your head. Taking care to not raise the alert of the 141 wouldn't be easy. Always noticing everything out of sheer training and sharpened instincts. Having no other good ideas... You just settled on doing everything you could to keep your little secrets under wraps.

In the following couple of days, you’d become adjusted to the routine of taking your medications on the surface level. While the one tasked with easing you anxiety and depression wasn’t going to take effect for quite a while longer the other -a sleeping aid- was definitely making a significant impact. You were able to actually fall asleep and stay that way, problem was, with a couple missions impending in the near future, you were getting concerned that if you took them when you were supposed to -on a schedule- that staying awake would be next to impossible. And if you didn’t take them at all… you didn’t want to deal with the consequences of breaking a much more healthy habit.

And the reason you were so worried about the missions was because of a reoccurring problem that the 141 began finding you falling victim to. Thankfully you were all on leave, making it a lot more acceptable, but they still began walking into different rooms around HQ to see you sleeping soundly. No matter the noise level, temperature in the room, or the space you’d fit yourself into. And no one was quite as intrigued with your sudden change in behavior was the Lieutenant.

Ghost liked things to have order, and often used regiment or habit as a very small form of comfort when he felt that his physical situation was one that could be trusted. And while the others just thought you’d found a new safety in HQ and enjoyed sleeping somewhere safe, Ghost could see that something much different was happening. Your sleeping wasn’t a new habit.

It appeared far too quickly, and you oftentimes didn’t look like you had much control over it. There had already been three times where he’d watched you fall asleep on one of the guys late in the evening without as much as a single attempt to fight the drowsiness. While Ghost didn’t like to think that he cared that much about you, he found himself paying even closer attention to you than he had before.

“There she goes…” Soap chuckled quietly, pointing to you on the couch; head laying in Captain Price’s lap, eyes closed and sleeping deeply with your arms tucked against your chest and lying on your side.

Price had a loving hand on your head, and had been idly petting your hair much like a father would despite being hardly of age to act it. Yet, Ghost felt that Price’s warmth towards you wasn’t the entire reason you had yet again fallen asleep before 11 o’clock. Purposefully he’d been keeping count, and this was the fifth time in a week. More than enough to raise alarm with the others… but he was still waiting silently for someone else to bring it up.

Price chuckled, glancing down at you. “I carried her to bed last time,” His pointed look at each of them was more than enough to guess what he was about to say. “Someone else needs to, otherwise you’ll be voluntold.”

Ghost internally groaned. Not only was that kind of behavior what made people soft, but it also made seeing through the mask of affection far more difficult. But before Soap or Gaz took initiative, the Lieutenant was up on his feet and approaching Price with every intention of being the one to take you back to your quarters. Looks got thrown around the room, and Ghost wasn’t stupid enough to not notice. It was the first time he’d gotten this involved, and there was certainly a spectacle of him picking you up carefully enough to not wake you.

Even though he was quite certain it would take a lot more to get you up than that.

Your door opened up into warm, glowing light from a little lamp you’d left switched on. He catches sight of your quilt on the bed and the little rug that made the polished concrete floors look so much less like the jail cell his own quarters resembled. The whole room smelled like you too. Sweet, and a lot like cinnamon rolls. Probably some type of candle or other smelly thing that you had thought was worth spending money on. Plenty more reasons added to the list of what separates the two of you. Debating your differences or the reason you preferred your quarters smelling like a bakery wasn’t his purpose for bringing you back to your room.

But even with laying you down on your bed and pulling the sheet and blankets over you, Ghost wasn’t seeing any of the possible signs that could lead him to better understand what was going on with you. Nothing is out of place though. Your room is pretty much spotless save for a sleep outfit you’d laid out for tonight, but wouldn’t have the chance to get changed into. And right about the time Ghost decided he’d been looking into your business too much, he bumped into your nightstand.

It knocked something off into the floor, bouncing under the bed and clattering a bit.

Ghost sighed, eyes rolling up towards the ceiling and having quite the frustrating experience of dealing with the sudden responsibility of making sure you were cared for. And that meant picking up whatever shit he’d been too busy watching you, to not knock somewhere under the bed he’d have to fish around and find. So he knelt down and pulled his phone from his pocket and used the flash to spot a tube of chapstick near the bed frame foot.

That, and an ammo box with your initials spray-painted onto the side of it.

Compared to everything else, it didn’t look like it fit amongst the rest of your things. And damn if Ghost didn’t have a sudden gut feeling that it was the reason you’d been sleeping so much. Why you’d been so out of character; Setting his teeth on edge. Reaching out… Ghost grabbed the lip balm and got back to his feet and sit it down on the nightstand where it couldn’t be as easily disturbed again.

“G’night kid.” His whispers fell on your unconscious ears as your Lieutenant dismissed himself from your room and back down to his own space.

***

You woke up in your bed after falling asleep somewhere unintentionally, for the who-knows-which time. Just like before, left in whatever clothes you’d been wearing and all of your blankets tucked up tightly around you. It left a lingering sense of disappointment in yourself. A little pinch of sadness rested like a rock in your stomach. You couldn’t really remember falling asleep to begin with. If you ended up keeping this little habit going, there’d be no doubt you would risk everyone on a mission falling asleep at the drop of a hat.

All because of this damn medicine.

One that you needed to grab from under your bed, and sneak into the kitchen so that you could have some water and food. You'd seen one of the tens of sites -during your research of your pills- that it would help digest it better... whether it actually worked or not wasn't something you could tell. But either way, a doctor had said it, and plenty of people taking it agreed. So you grabbed the pill, shoved it in your pocket, and went out into the kitchen to find a glass.

The floors felt cold even with socks on. And while a steady rain poured from the sky, you were more heated with concern that someone would notice you. Notice your sleeping issues, the way you crawled around in the morning for the first couple hours before the pills began working, or the shady way you hid your face in the refrigerator while swallowing down your medication. Surely the stuff had to be working since you'd not been struggling to get your work done throughout the day. But maybe that was the hard part. Taking pills to fix your head, but needing your brain to recognize whether or not you felt better.

"Oh god help me..." You mutter quietly, searching past Soap's energy drinks and Gaz's revolting jug of green juice to find something you could make for breakfast.

A cabinet door shutting behind you nearly stopped your heart. Seeing Ghost's dark eyes evaluating your reaction didn't make your heart rate drop back to normal either. In his typical day-off wear, a pair of well-worn jeans hung low on his hips and an old SAS t-shirt you'd seen him wear countless times stretched tightly over his chest and shoulders. No doubt he'd been up since four. Quite certain he never actually slept, you wondered momentarily if he could benefit from the sleeping tabs you took. But quickly that got covered in anxiety when his eyebrows furrowed at your expression.

"Nothin' to eat?" He asked with a smooth voice, nodding to the refrigerator door you still held open dumbly.

"N-no... just a bunch of shit drinks." You reply, letting the door shut and noticing that he's got a brown bag with grease spots at the bottom corners. He just nods, looking off into the empty common room. Like he's trying to think of the right way to talk shit about both Gaz and Soap's bad choices in hydration.

"Sit. I've got enough to share." He jerks his head to the other side of the counter, turning that wide back to face you, leaving no room for argument.

You're swallowing down a thick bite of a bagel with god-knows-what in British style as Ghost brews tea. Silently making you a cup as well and standing stiffly with both milk and sugar on the table with the expectancy that you tell him how you like it. Not really unusual behavior from him... typically you get along just fine. But it's the fact that he watches so heavily.

"Just sugar, please." You say through a mouthful, covering your mouth with your hand.

He nods, but then starts putting the sugar in, mentioning something about fucking Americans before sliding the mug closer to you with a couple of fingers. Those damned eyes are just as observant as ever when you crumple up the finished sandwich before he even steeps his own drink. It made you nervous. Wondering if those pills were helping with your appetite too. The psychiatrist said it could; Something about feeling less stressed can give your body more opportunities to worry about being hungry. It was one of those facts on the medication packet you'd taken pictures of.

"Plans for today, L.t.?" You ask, sipping the tea, eyes grazing over the cup rim as you stare at the back of his head.

Mask rucked up high enough to eat and drink freely he nods his head. Leaning his lower back against the edge of the kitchen counter

and resting one hand back.

“Yeah, you?”

You shake your head uselessly, “No. Maybe some laundry, but I’m not really even due. Wouldn’t be worth the water in the machine.”

He hums lowly, taking a drink of his tea. You can hear his swallow and a steady exhale of air that follows. Whether it’s him cooling off the steaming cup or just breathing, you cant tell. But it’s so steady that you actually mimic the tempo of it. Feeling the way it expands and contracts your lungs smoothly. Almost settling. Much like L.t. himself in that way. Terrifying until you see just how easily you can be around him. He’s always quiet and composed, even when there’s plenty of reasons not to be. You wished it was something you could do too. Maybe it would help the task force if you didn’t have to spend your energy keeping yourself at an unnoticeable level of consistent panic.

“Know anythin’ about cars?”

“No,” You’re quick to add on. “But I can learn fast.”

You watch the way the back of his mask slides down further and how his head tilts from side to side to settle it comfortably. Seeing the rest of the tea get dumped into the sink and his own sandwich bag get crumpled up. He’s silent as he washes the cups used and methodically cleans up after the pair of you. Even reaching across the counter to swipe a couple of crumbs off your t-shirt with a subtle nod to his own satisfaction.

“I like to hear it,” His hand palmed at the back of your neck. Gently tugging you off the barstool, and grabbing your jacket to toss it to you. “You’re comin’ with me then.”

Learning about cars actually became quite easy… when Ghost was teaching.

He explained the parts clearly, what his goal was, and didn’t get pissed when you handed him the wrong size socket wrench on the first try. On the other end, you’d only been working next to him -well, sitting on the wheel well- for a couple of hours when you started getting tired again. Almost helpless to your own frustration, you yawned. Fighting the sleepy feeling valiantly, and taking as detailed of mental notes as possible while watching Ghost’s greased knuckles tighten a bracket holding his master cylinder in place. Surely it was a cosmic joke. L.t. was fixing his brakes, and it felt like someone had stomped on yours.

“Hand me that,” He muttered, head stuck down in a gap between his engine block and alternator, still effortlessly pointing at a pair of channellocks. “And get in for me.”

You did as he asked, yawning one more time. Trying to blame your sudden exhaustion on the rain pelting the metal roof above you. Sliding into the back of the car and kicking off your boots to let them rest on the concrete floor outside of it. Attempting to be polite by not getting any dirty spots on the mats of the -very original- DB4 GT Aston he’d given you trust to even sit in. The leather seats help you glide into the driver’s seat, giving you a very slim look at Ghost through the gap in the hood.

“What exactly am I doing in here?” You ask, loud enough so that he can hear you.

It prompts his head to pop up from inside the engine bay, giving you those same, observant eyes from earlier. He looks back down, reaches in and taps on something harshly, then looks back to you.

“Roll it over.”

The car starts effortlessly. Practically purring under you, and echoing in the metal hangar making it sound all the more ruggedly beautiful. The whole car hums, and as you watch Ghost go back to focusing on something in front of him, you feel the heat come through the dash. It’s a perfect storm that lulls you even closer to sleep. A dangerous thing, considering the one man who could figure out what was wrong with you was the only one close enough to see. Hell, you weren’t even sure he didn’t already have it figured out, and wasn’t planning some way to tell Price about it and have you removed from the task force.

Unfit for duty.

You could just picture it now. Red pen in Price’s handwriting detailing your medications and how it was grounds from honorable discharge. Perfectly common in the military, but it felt like death in your hazy mind.

Not that you could fight it for much longer.

Because by the time the Lieutenant had finished his little bit of work, he came into sight of you, slumped over in his driver’s seat with you lips parted and your arms wrapped around yourself. Nothing short of a pretty sight for sore eyes. His car had damn near rocked you sleep, and for once, Ghost felt his heart couldn’t take the feeling of waking you up. He’d watched you all morning. Gauging your reactions, your lack of conversation, and the way you tried to keep from showing him any sign of being tired. Initially he wanted to be angry. Mad that you were hiding something from the team… from him. But seeing you sleeping there, he knew there was a fight in your head. A fight he knew well. So he left you there to sleep.

Turning off the engine to keep from filling the garage with exhaust, but pulling up one of the small space heaters close to the open door to keep you from getting cold while he worked. Making small adjustments, looking over future jobs, and even entertaining the thought of adjusting you over in the seat a little bit so that he could drive-test his handiwork. But that didn’t come, because Soap arrived with a grin on his face and no idea that you were sleeping.

Until Ghost told him to lower his goddamn voice.

“Sleepin’ again bonnie?” Soap chuckled to himself, looking at you before back to Ghost. “How long’s she been out?”

Ghost shrugged, “Few hours.” Really he hadn’t been watching the clock; far too comfortable to concern himself with it.

“I know you’ve been tryin’ to figure it out,” He started back, resting his hands on the hood. “Why she’s doin’ this so much. Have ya’?”

Ghost shook his head. “No. Not yet, but I’m not concerned.”

Johnny laughed softly, slapping Ghost on the back and beginning to walk away. “I never took you for the type to be worried, L.t.. But since you’re so reassurin’ I’ll take it t’heart.”

Any way Ghost came at that statement, he felt himself on the end of a losing battle. Maddening. Losing a fight wasn’t in his nature. Even if that meant he had to take some of the most fucked up torture to reach it. But what bothered him more than Soap knowing he was concerned about you was the knowing you weren’t okay.

Days out in the field were bad enough. But when they got worse, you were always there. And maybe you didn’t feel much better than he did, yet you always held softness. For everyone. For him. A kind of understanding and acceptance that wasn’t required, or exactly approved of in this line of work. You could keep a secret better than anyone he knew, and while he didn’t burden you with a single one of his, there was always the foreign comfort in being able to come with them if he wanted to. Hiding your own feelings wasn’t right though.

Selfish maybe. Thinking it was okay to linger in his own issues and still demand you give him yours.

But hiding behind his rank and position over you meant he could make that kind of decision without any questioning. A type of don’t fucking ask why that saved him face when carrying you from his car back to your room after you still hadn’t woken up nearly seven hours after passing out in his car. Shouldering open the door just like the night before, he expected to see nothing out of place. The same lip balm on the side table, the same rug, and maybe a different night shirt since you’d mentioned doing laundry. But there was something out of place. And damn if it didn’t make his gut twist up in a ugly kind of feeling. One he’d not felt in years, but certainly recognized as soon as he spotted the orange pill bottle sitting on your bed.

It made sense.

The sleeping. The different behavior. The reason you’d practically swallowed a whole fucking sandwich for breakfast when a cup of tea would typically be all you stomached until afternoon. And thank god… you were finally starting to look a bit fuller. Getting prettier every day, and he finally had something to place the blame on. All hesitations about you being able to handle the upcoming missions faded once he got a good look at the bottle. A medication, funnily enough, that Ghost was well-acquainted with. It wasn’t part of his own personal line-up in his medicine cabinet, but it was one he’d taken for a while.

You’d been in need of some help, and luckily for you, it hadn’t been nearly as hard for you to get help as it had been for him. Actually asking for what you needed -and while frustrating- decided to try and manage it without anyone else’s knowledge. Ghost couldn’t think of a better scenario. Realizing that the only thing he needed to know about was your side effects, and how to best manage them alongside you. Thank fuck you weren’t sick… well… sick in a way that someone couldn’t help you with. A way that he couldn’t help.

So, he sit down in on the floor in your room and waited.

Your wake-up call came in the form of sleepy eyes opening to see the massive silhouette of Ghost sitting in your floor. Dark eyes much softer than you’d expected, and a much more concerning sight of your pill bottle resting in his massive hand. A sight that sat you up ramrod straight in your bed, gasping softly and staring at him with wide eyes.

“Don’t tell Price.” You sputter, rushing to get the words out of your mouth. Terrified that he’s going to get up and run out the door. Just sitting long enough to let you get a good look at his plan before exposing you to the Captain as some sick kind of satisfaction.

His eyes narrow a little, “Don’t tell Price?” His voice sounds hoarse. “Don’t tell Price?”

It sounds that much more broken and gritty when he repeats it. Standing up to meet you a bit more level, fisting the pills in his hand, and lightly making them shake. He can’t understand your fear. Completely blind to the fact that -much like him- you’re fearful of being shamed. Misunderstood for it. Or worse. Ghost can’t recognize why you’re looking at him as if he’s going to be the reason your life ends. When in all reality, you don’t see how he’s trying to figure out why you didn’t feel safe coming to him.

“You’ve been takin’ these… fallin’ asleep on everyone, and-and struggling for who knows how the fuck long…” It’s hard for Ghost to keep his tone even, thinking about it. “Why didn’t you tell me. you should’ve told me. Said something. Anything.”

Caving in on itself, your chest burns. Eyes locked on his and scanning every confusing moment of emotion and each shift as it comes and goes.

“You wouldn’t…”

Ghost takes a fast step closer, “I wouldn’t what?” His hand drops the pills on the bed and quickly grabs your face, soft fingers pressing into your jaw. “I wouldn’t get it? I wouldn’t do what you needed me to? Wouldn’t let you sleep on me?”

Your lips open in surprise at the softness in him. All of him. The gentleness of his fingers, how his eyes lay silkily on you. Even his voice, falling so softly despite it’s rough tone and deep sound, feels like he’s terrified of you being scared away from him. Like that gentle hold on your face is all he can manage, and he’d rather do anything other than let you pull away from it.

“You have to know…” he starts weakly. “You have to know that - that I would do… anything you needed me to. Anything to make this easier for you. Even somethin’ small, I’d do it for you, honey.”

reblogs & comments are appreciated 🤎

[aro-culture-is]

hey all. been quite a while. we recently moved cities, quit our job that was beyond our physical ability, and are about to try to finish our degree in materials science and engineering...

and we're thinking we're gonna try again with this blog. the 700 asks are a little too intimidating of backlog though, so we've decided that we're gonna mass delete prior asks (excluding the one submitted today? fun fact you were the first since uh. january i think) and see how it goes. no promises.

a few things we want to reiterate if you want to submit stuff:

aro in the title is short for the aromantic community as a whole, including anyone aro spectrum, questioning folks, or anyone asking good faith questions about these things. a great resource for questions about words is AUREA.

be nice. to others, obviously, but also to yourselves please! I don't mean that you can't vent ever, but tbh... the huge amount of "aro culture is [hating yourself/others/being aro/etc]" was why we burnt out on this blog. there were so many self-hating things that were being sent in, and there's a limit to how much of that someone can handle. especially a multiply disabled, queer, trans, college-dropout service worker.

as we've said before, the point of this blog was never serious. it was a gimmick blog for funny things. serious stuff is okay, but like... please be silly! have fun. aro culture is green :)

if you truly feel a trigger tag is necessary, and it cannot be filtered on your end, please for the love of everything tell me a damn tag to use. ie, 'spiders cw'

we are radically inclusive for all good faith identities. there is strength in solidarity, and infighting about shit like 'validity' or 'making sense [to you/outsiders]' reeks of respectability politics. be annoying somewhere else, or better yet, consider what is the most materially useful thing you can do to make your IRL community better today. some ideas: call your senators or representatives about an issue, create a group chat for your apartment building so folks can get to know their neighbors, volunteer for an event in your area. Learn about deradicalization, deescalation, and community building. Build a strong community.

[justatalkingface]

New leaks are out

Izuku loses One for All. The one thing he wanted in life was to be a hero, and we all know Horikoshi wouldn’t let him be one without a Quirk. He got One for All for a year and change and then it just gets taken away from him.

It’s so mean-spirited

*siiiiigh*

This shit. This shit is why I'm reluctant to catch up.

Worst thing is, this has been broadcasted as coming for awhile, because that MHA movie? Hero Rising, or whatever, the one where Izuku hands over OFA? If you believe (random shit I found on the internet) (which... admittedly, seems sus, I'm not sure of the validity) that was apparenlty supposed to be the original ending.

(Never mind that Bakugou only came into prominence after MHA got rolling, so unless he was forking it over to... I don't know, Shigaraki, or Uraraka, or Shoto (... my god, imagine the look on Endeavor's face if his anti-All Might child gained All Might's power and became his defacto heir, that'd be amazing) or something, that's already a different ending than the 'original' ending.)

That said, that rumor seems pretty damn validated now, doesn't it? I really don't get why Hori seems to hate his own character so damn much, because the first couple of chapters he seemed to like him well enough; the narrative respected him, he made sense, there was a steady build up of confidence and ability... and then he just... lost all interest, and just seemed to include him more and more grudgingly every time he showed up.

Considering how often the main character had to show up, it really feels like Hori built quite a grudge over the years. And between how damn hard Izuku has been side lined in every possible way, and how much Bakugou is being thrown into the spotlight, this really isn't surprising, all things considered.

A good deal of manga like to end with 'main character is brought down to normal', and honestly I've never liked it; I can only think of one where it was really done well, where I liked the ending (the main character never wanted it in the first place, he always wanted to be normal), and even in setting it only works because shonen manga in general love the 'secret world hidden from the rest of society' bit, so they can 'retire' gracefully to being a normal person without any issues (beyond probable PTSD), but in MHA they can't even do that, because there isn't a hidden world; Izuku is world famous, and without powers I'd honestly expect some random psycho to revenge kill him to get some fame, like that Ending guy.

(...I hate that that doesn't seem impossible still?)

Moreover, big part of that kind of build up is that the character has grown up, and doesn't need the super powers any more, to save the world from the world ending threat, to live the chunnibyo dream of being special instead of being part of society, but being a hero is a job, a career he can do for most of his life and make money in. The super police are still needed, because as far as I can tell, the overarching problems haven't been resolved at all. Just like how Naruto ended up, status quo is god, and the normal that was once terrible and to be fought against is good and just.

And, of course, he's just going to be happy about it, too, I know he is. That's how this kind of thing goes. He's going to be happy about losing everything he's always wanted, even though his friends (which he only got from being heroes) are still going to be heroes, even though Bakugou is almost certainly going to be number one at this point (speaking of which; whatever happened to the 'this is how I became the greatest hero' bit? Let me guess, he'll be referred to that somewhere, and that'll be it.)

He's going to be happy and content with what he was allowed to have (and even though he'll never be able to truly realize it, it is allowed, it's that Hori will allow him this much), and will never dream of wanting anything more. Just like an abused spouse in a truly fucked up marriage that has accepted that this is the 'best' they're going to ever get.

[illdowhatiwantthanks]

Reading "changes" kinda make me want to request a fic when reader and Casey were in their 50s or 60s and talking about the silly little things they used to do when they were younger when they went for a little trip out of country for retirement or something.

Getting Older, Too

Casey Novak x fem!reader Warnings: explicit language, getting older, changes in ability (let me know if I've missed anything!) Word count: 1.5k

Summary: You and Casey, now retired, are vacationing in Jasper National Park, but you find that your bodies aren't quite as capable as they used to be.

NOTE: For any who don't know, Jasper National Park has just experienced a devastating wildfire. I went hiking in Jasper in 2022, and it's truly one of the most beautiful places I've ever been, so I wanted to pay tribute here.

You shivered against the morning chill as you looked out over the Athabasca River, a light fog coming off of it, pinpricked by early morning sun. Decades later, and you still couldn’t manage to sleep in like Casey did, even on vacation. It was colder here in Jasper National Park than you’d expected, though it often warmed considerably by midday.

You groaned as you lowered yourself into an Adirondack chair, wishing you’d brought more than a sweatshirt to keep warm out here. But you didn’t want to go in and wake up Casey, either. She would never admit it, but she tired more easily than you these days. She was, after all, almost ten years older than you. And neither of you were spring chickens. She’d retired last year, finally, but still freelanced on the side. But one of the perks of both of you being in retirement was that there were now no limits to your vacations. You’d already spent two weeks in Banff and had decided to extend your trip into Jasper and drive the Icefields Parkway.

But Casey was tired, bone tired, you could tell. You’d gotten some good hikes in, but she’d pushed herself too far yesterday. She’d insisted you go to all six bridges along the Maligne Canyon loop, even though the sixth bridge added a solid 2.5 miles round trip. You’d made it, but you’d both been exhausted by the end, and Casey had conked out in bed before you even had dinner and had been asleep ever since.

You shook your head and smiled to yourself thinking about her. Fiery, stubborn Casey. Just as hard-headed as she’d been when you met her playing rec league softball 29 years ago. Her hair was gray now instead of red, but just as pretty, as you told her again and again. It wasn’t that she’d softened over the years exactly. She’d still fight someone if the situation called for it; it was that she’d grown more accustomed to laughter and joy, that she let herself now, sometimes, expect the best instead of the worst. She gave herself time to rest and savor and appreciate things.

You wrapped your arms around yourself, breathing deeply to inhale the scent of the pine trees. It really was cold out here. You thought about going to the property’s restaurant for a cup of coffee instead as an alternative to waking Casey with the noisy drip machine in your chalet. But then you’d have to purchase the all-inclusive breakfast and damned if you were going to spend $25 to get a cup of coffee and a croissant.

“You’re up early,” Casey observed, coming into view, her voice still rough with sleep.

“No, you’re up early,” you argued, smiling softly at her. “I’m always up at this time.”

“Here, take this,” she said, handing you a steaming mug of coffee.

“God, I love you.”

“Wait! This one too.” Casey handed you another cup of coffee and you looked at her, confused. “Now lift your arms up.”

“Why?” you asked, but obliged, trying not to spill from either coffee mug.

She grabbed a blanket from over her shoulder and tucked it around you so that only your head and arms peeked out, then settled herself in the chair next to yours with her own blanket.

“Okay,” she said, getting comfortable, holding out her hand for her coffee.

You beamed at her. “You really are the love of my life, you know that?”

She sipped from her mug and patted your hand. “It’s been thirty years, honey. I should hope so.”

She groaned a bit in her seat, wincing as she shifted her weight.

“You alright?” you asked. When she didn’t answer, you raised your eyebrows and leaned toward her. “Hmm… you know, one might think that maybe, just maybe, you overdid it yesterday? Even though your beautiful, smart wife said during the hike, ‘Casey, my love, you seem tired. Maybe we shouldn’t do all six bridges.’”

Casey shot you an amused glare. “You know, it’s incredible that my beautiful, smart wife, after thirty years in New York, still can’t dress appropriately for the weather and would, likely, freeze to death without me.”

“Touché.” You shrugged.

You sat in silence for a few minutes, sipping your coffee, enjoying the early morning sun and the quiet and the gurgling of the river below you.

You took Casey’s free hand and ran your thumb in circles over the wrinkles there. She’d been so self-conscious of them when they started to show, but you told her they were beautiful, like the rings of a tree trunk. They showed her growth and what she’d been through, and you loved them.

“Are you really okay, though?” you ventured.

She shrugged. “I’m pretty sore, but I’ll be alright.”

“We don’t have to hike today. We could just take it easy.”

Casey shook her head. “I don’t want to miss it. We only have so much time here, you know? When in Rome… or Jasper, I guess.”

“Hey,” you said, struggling against the chair so you could sit up and place your hand on Casey’s cheek. “The trails will still be there tomorrow. If your body needs to rest, we should rest. I’m sore, too. I’m not gonna be mad about a day lounging around in the mountains with you.”

Casey still didn’t look convinced.

“We could go to the hot springs, we haven’t been there yet. Or to that fancy hotel spa and get massages…” you suggested.

Casey scoffed. “You hate massages.”

“I do, but you’re sore, so…”

Casey sighed, taking another sip of coffee and squeezing your hand. “I just don’t want to hold you back, honey,” she said quietly.

“Are you kidding me!?” You gestured toward the mountains in front of you, the river, the forest. “Casey, if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t even be here. I’d be too scared to go alone. You don’t hold me back, love. You move me forward.”

Casey looked like she might cry. “I hate getting old sometimes,” she muttered.

You wished so badly that Casey could see herself the way you did–strong and capable and brave and full of life. Yes, it was hard to grow old. Yes, it was frustrating that your body–and hers–could no longer do all the things they’d done before. But it had been in exchange for a life truly worth living–and you were still living it!

“Do you remember our first hike together?” you asked her, trying to lighten her mood. “When we went camping in the Catskills with your parents?”

She cracked a smile. “Yeah. God, you were so scared.”

You’d happily be the butt of the joke this morning to get Casey out of her head. “Okay,” you protested playfully. “Well, in my defense, we did get lost.”

Casey’s eyes lit up, the way they always did before she laughed. “We weren’t lost. I took us on an alternate route.”

“An alternate route!?” You’d had this argument so many times that it was like reading a script, like watching a favorite comedy over and over again or the well-worn pages of a favorite book. “To the side of the highway where we had to call an Uber to take us back to the campsite?”

She chuckled and shrugged. “I got us back, didn’t I!?”

“God!” you exclaimed, feigning frustration even as you grinned ear to ear, even you as you held her face in your hands. “You were such a stubborn asshole. You’re still a stubborn asshole.” You sighed, rubbing your thumb over her dimpled cheek. “Look, today’s hike was gonna be at Maligne Lake, right?”

She nodded, sadness briefly overtaking her face again.

“I’m pretty sure they have a boat tour,” you continued. “Why don’t we do that instead?”

Casey looked like she was ready to fight you on it, so you leaned forward and kissed her, in love with the little noise of surprise she made, as if it was your first kiss again and not your ten thousandth.

“Please?” you needled as you broke apart, giving her your most convincing smile and biggest eyes. “For me?”

Even before she kissed you again, you could tell you’d won her over. She patted your cheek. “For you. Not for me,” she insisted, holding onto your hand as she sipped her coffee.

You smiled and held your coffee close to your chest. So stubborn, your wife. Stubborn and passionate and beautiful and funny and everything you’d wanted in a partner and more. You’d spent almost thirty years of your life–a full half of it–with Casey. You knew she was struggling with getting older, and you knew there’d come a time when you’d struggle, too. But right now, you were just excited. Excited for whatever future you had left, the years of uninterrupted joy and travel and fun. The big moments and the little moments together. It could only get better from here and, god, it was already so good.

“I love you, Case,” you whispered, your voice breaking through the quiet sounds of nature that surrounded you.

She lifted your hand and brought it to her lips, and no words were needed.

[4ngelholic]

"leave me.. don't leave me.."

ft. riddle rosehearts, leona kingscholar, azul ashengrotto

cw. angst, might be ooc(?)

! reader = prefect !

a/n. kinda got repetitive but at he same time not, sorry lmao 😭

“whispers could be heard, it's almost like they weren't even trying to hide it. he shrugged it off simply thinking it wasn't that important for him to intervene. soon enough there was an odd feeling building in his chest when the constant whispering doesn't seem to stop especially when he feels like the topic is about him. and when his close friend tells him the reason why, he can't seem but to feel guilty and not deserving you.”

¹ | RIDDLE ROSEHEARTS

"why are they together? he's so controlling and strict..."

"watch him start controlling them in their relationship."

"he's scary too.. what would happen to his partner when he forces the queen of hearts' rules onto them.."

─ he figured that it was about him and you when trey told him about it.

─ he wasn't happy about it. when he heard what they said from trey, he wanted to collar them all.

─ controlling? strict? after his overblot incident he was more lenient than he was before. but there's people still chatting their mouths about it?

─ but.. what did you think about all of this? did you think the same way as the others did?

─ please don't.. it hurts thinking about how you would look at him with such disappointment in your eyes.

² | LEONA KINGSCHOLAR

"did you hear about his unique magic? it's so terrifying.."

"it's even more scary knowing he overblotted with such a dangerous ability.."

"knowing that his partner is dating him even after the incident that probably could've gotten them killed is.."

─ ruggie didn't even need to tell him about what the other students were yapping about he could hear them from miles away.

─ if his unique magic is so terrifying why talk about it when he could simply do it to them?

─ not like he could anyways..

─ he barely uses his unique magic. so what's the point in bringing it up?

─ but wait, why did they have to mention you into this?

─ why did they have to mention you being killed by him?

─ what would happen if you were to hear this? would you think that your life is on the line when you're with him?

─ don't you dare cast him away and leave him in the shadows like the rest of them did..

³ | AZUL ASHENGROTTO

"how could they forgive AND date him after taking their dorm?"

"I can't imagine what would happen to them if he breaks up with them for his benefit.."

"watch him use his contracts on them again."

─ no one had to tell him at all about the whispers that was carried and flooded around the school.

─ he accidentally overheard everything when he was returning to octavinelle along with the tweels.

─ jade suggested that he and floyd could take care of them for him so they wouldn't dare to cross azul again.

─ at first, azul almost agreed allowing them to do whatever what they were going to do.

─ then in a flash, your face appeared across his mind.

─ what would you think of him if you found out?

─ would you disagree? or agree with them? even though he doesn't want to admit it, he knows that you deserve better and you shouldn't have forgiven him after what he did to you.

─ what would happen if you do agree..?

─ he doesn't want to lose you. because he knows damn well, you were the best thing that happened to him in his whole life.

─ it didn't matter to him if he had to face his past over and over again. don't leave him.

|| comments and reblogs are highly appreciated! ||

[starry-eyes-love]

Chapter 5: Woodland Fun

Series Masterlist

Pairing: Joel x F!Reader (18+, Minors DNI), Post-outbreak

Summary | Joel Miller thinks you are a complicated, irritating, and frustrating woman. You're the reason he can't sleep, can't work, and can't do anything without thinking about you. So for once, he gives in to his own urges and lets himself have you in his mind. What he didn't expect was for you to come storming into his personal space yet again. This time though he doesn't think he can stop himself from having you, but he's going to try.

Warnings | 18+, Minors DNI. Smut (a lot), language, male and female masturbation, mutual masturbation with each other, dry humping, fingering (male & female), edging, daddy kink, fluff (if you squint), major argument with angst, yelling, a lot of dirty talk, pet names (little girl, baby, honey, old man, etc.), kissing, body description without being too specific, referencing past trauma, referencing sex with his ex-wife, referencing pregnancy with ex-wife (if you squint), infidelity reference, fertility issues reference (if you squint). Don't know how this happened but this is mostly smut/porn of one version or another (sorry, not sorry). Just know, you have been warned. Enjoy :)

Word Count: 10.3 K (not sorry)

Joel needed to let off some major steam, he needed to give in to this urge in his mind to have you the way he needed to. Just this once, he thought, just this once I get her the way I want her. Then that's it. As he slowly took himself in his hand he felt himself throb painfully. To try to curb his arousal a bit, he gently squeezed the base

Over the next month life seemed to slowly settle into somewhat of a comfortable domestic routine between the three of you.  Ellie and you continued to go through storage areas; collecting clothes, games, and supplies. You also worked on trying to start growing seeds in the house, which proved to be very difficult in the beginning of winter. Periodically you would collect and chop firewood also.  Joel would set and check traps, scout the area, fix the roof and the siding, help chop firewood, and hunt for food.  At night the three of you would sit around the fireplace and talk, play board games that either you or Ellie found, or read in silence.  Joel and you still maintained separate bedrooms when it came to the sleeping arrangements. He said sleeping together right away would just muddy the waters of a relationship.  Basically, everything continued to be the same with Joel as before. The only difference was that once in a while he’d give you a quick peck on the lips when Ellie wasn’t looking.  Nothing ever transpired besides that, and if you were being honest, it was incredibly frustrating.  You understood why Joel didn’t want to have sex right away, but you wanted and needed something more from him.  A hand hold, the ability to cuddle; heck even for him to check you out, something.  You were beginning to believe that Joel Miller was a man of all talk, and very little do.

“Hey dude, like I think that dish is clean,” Ellie said while you were washing the dishes.

“Oh yeah, sorry" you stated. "I was just lost in thought.”

“You were like lost in thought for 10 minutes cleaning that same dish, what gives?" she teased. "Are there problems in the love department again?"

“Love department? Again? Ellie, I-I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you tried to say without giving your voice away.

“Pleeease. I may be younger than you, but I ain’t stupid” she told you.  “I know you have a thing for Joel, and honestly he has a huge thing for you. But ever since the two of you have decided to do this dating shit, which by the way is soooo stupid. You both haven’t been the same, and it’s annoying really.”

“Ellie, I don’t know what you’re…wait. Who said we were dating?” you asked her with a puzzled expression.

“Oh come on, I heard the two of you the night Joel woke up moaning in bed. He woke the whole damn house up with all of that moaning that he was doing. I honestly laid in my bed feeling sorry for him, thinking that he was, you know, thinking about his daughter or somethin’. But then I heard ya and what he told you," Ellie said with a shake to her head.  "Then I finally thought that the two of you were gonna give in to that animal heat phase thing or somethin’, and ya know- maybe fuck it out. But nope, dry as the desert'' Ellie said while laughing out loud shaking her head more.

“Well, it’s not from a lack of trying on my end," you quipped to her in defense.

“Oh I know" she said, tapping your shoulder a few times. "I gave Joel advice about it 2 weeks ago, of how to go about dating cause it’s been awhile for him. Kinda pathetic really, if you ask me.” Ellie said while huffing out a sigh. “Apparently he didn’t listen to a damn thing that I told him,” she states, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“What did you tell him?” you ask nervously.

“That he shouldn’t think about it. That he just needs to talk to you, spend some time with you. Teach you something and then just, I don’t know. Give in to what his body is trying to tell him, and then just ya know, do it” she said.

After a moment of standing there and processing the information you couldn’t help but get frustrated.  You thought that Joel was trying to hide things from Ellie. But in reality he was asking her for advice on how to get to know you, when he could just ask you instead.  Not that a teenager couldn’t give him advice, but goddamnit, you were right here.  You could tell him what you liked, because after all, you knew yourself better than anyone else.

Ellie could sense your frustration and anger rising to the surface. She went to try to defuse the situation fast, because honestly, she didn’t like it when your temper got the better of you.  “Look, y/n. Try doing something that teases him, ya know. Like try coaxing that stubborn man out of his shell by forcing his brain into rut season like a deer or somethin,'” she said softly, trying to encourage you.

“Rut season like a deer? Wow, that’s a new one Ellie, Jesus” you said while shaking your head laughing. 

“Yeah I know, thought of it myself” Ellie commented while giving you her typical big Ellie grin. “But no seriously y/n, do something that turns him on. Or at least gets him to look at you. Go out and chop firewood.  He told me that your ass looks nice doin’ it.”

“He told you my ass looks nice chopping firewood?” you say, somewhat puzzled of why a 50+ year old man would say that to a teenage girl.

“Well no, he didn’t exactly say it directly to me,” Ellie reassured you.  “He was looking at you chopping firewood about 2 weeks ago and said to himself ‘damn it woman, you’re gonna be the death of me with those tight pants on that nice ass of yours,'” Ellie said trying to mimic Joel’s scowl that he does.  

After a moment of silence where you kept fiddling with your hands, Ellie approached you and said, “Y/N, go and chop firewood for Papa Bear. He’s tense and needs something to unwind with. So give that old man a show, just don't give him a heart attack.”  She said laughing while walking away down the hall.

You decided to finish washing the dishes first, while mulling over everything that Ellie had told you.  You knew from previous interactions with Joel that he does love it when you give him a little sass, and when you help him with some of the heavy lifting. Sure, he calls you a smartass while you're doing it, and tells you to stop being so difficult. But nevertheless, you do know that he appreciates your help.  

“Hey, I think I’m gonna go and chop some firewood for awhile" you yell down the hall at Ellie after you finish the dishes. "We’re getting kinda low in here.” As you exit the cabin you grab the axe that was sitting outside and glance over to the area where Joel usually has firewood pieces to chop up.  When you noticed that there weren’t any pieces to chop, you decided to go out into the woods and chop down a tree.  You’ve never chopped down a tree before, and honestly you had no idea what you were doing. But you figured that you’d have to learn sometime.  It can't be that hard, you thought to yourself. 

As you approached the woods you glanced back towards the house to see if you could spot Joel working outside. When you didn’t see him, you figured he must have be checking traps, or hunting for food. After traveling into the woods, you found a tree that you believed you could chop down easily. As you approached the tree you said out loud to yourself, "Ellie, you better be right about him loving my ass as I do this." As you started to pull back the axe you said to yourself "well here goes nothing," and just before you moved to hit the tree you heard a Southern drawl behind you speak up.  

Joel had been out scouting and checking traps all day. He had gotten up early and left the cabin by himself, wanting to have some alone time. This domestic dating life shit was getting on his nerves. Not that he didn't like being with you, that was never the problem. The problem was he desperately wanted to fuck you all the time, and he couldn't do that with Ellie always being around. He also didn't know if you were just looking for a one-time quick lay, or if you truly were serious about a relationship. 

As Joel walked around and checked the traps he kept thinking about you and the interactions the two of you have had. He couldn't stop thinking about how soft you had felt underneath him, or the first time the two of you had sex. He internally hated himself for how desperate he was, and how he didn't give you any proper attention before he fucked you. Joel also knew that you were the reason for his constant worry, his lack of sleep, tense muscles, and a deep ache that he couldn't relieve. He knew he felt something for you, but he didn't know if it was true love, or just infatuation. 

Joel thought that if he was a better man, he would tell you that he was too old for you, that he couldn't be with you, that he'd stop and leave you alone. But Joel wasn't a good man. He pined after you, had a deep urge to be with you, not just physically. He knew he couldn’t stay away from you or stifle his feelings for you much longer. At the end of the day, Joel wanted you. He had a deep urge to have you, to claim you as his, and to ruin you for every goddamn man in the future that thought they could have you. His need to claim you grew stronger with each passing day, and it was getting harder for him to ignore.

Joel noticed that he was almost back to the cabin. He was in a small pine grove near the edge of the woods, close to where the yard would start. Joel knew these woods here like the back of his hand, wanting to know how the land changed just in case trouble came around. He always had a need to keep both you and Ellie safe, so each day he’d hike around and get to know the terrain. Today was quiet and peaceful in the woods, something that was a rarity. Joel, desperately needing to sit down and take a break for himself, wandered over to a pine tree and sat down. As he sat against the pine tree, his thoughts kept drifting to you, and he felt himself slowly harden inside his pants. "I'm old enough to be her damn father, she's too young for me", he said sternly to himself, which did nothing to curb the slow throb that came from his hardening cock. He sat back and closed his eyes as he slowly palmed himself in the front of his jeans. He tried to think of anything else or anyone else besides you. But the truth was, he didn't want anyone else. He only wanted you, laid underneath him and willing for him to do what he wanted. He wondered how you’d taste. Would you be sweet like honey, or a tangy citrus flavor? Would you beg for his cock or beg for him to come inside your tight little pussy, or inside your mouth? 

No. She’s irritating, aggravating, and a pain in my ass, he thought to himself, trying to will away his erection. But even then, when he focused on your sassy attitude and your confidence, it turned him on even more.  He didn't want to admit it, but he loved your demeanor. He loved your challenging behavior, that you weren't afraid to stand up to him. He saw that you had a fire in your soul, and that fire called to him like a siren that had found her next victim. He wasn't stupid, he knew you'd be the death of him. That if he got too close, he'd never be able to escape. 

The more Joel sat there thinking about you: the curve of your ass, the shape of your breasts, and the feel of your mouth against his; the harder he got. All of these thoughts set a fire in his veins and sent a bolt of electricity to his cock. With a sigh he said, "Just this once I’m gonna do this to blow off some steam thinkin’ about her." As Joel took out his aching and throbbing member he saw that he was already leaking precum from his slit. "Fuck" he groaned to himself at how worked up he already was with just thinking about you. He hadn't even touched himself yet. "This ain't gonna last long," he said with a small shake to his head. 

Joel needed to let off some major steam, he needed to give in to this urge in his mind to fuck you the way he needed to. Just this once, he thought, just this once I get her the way I want to fuck her. Then that's it. As he slowly took himself in his hand he felt himself throb painfully. To try to curb his arousal a bit, he gently squeezed the base of his cock. As he did, he heard himself let out a long groan and he felt himself pulse within his hand. After taking another moment to settle himself, he found himself spitting into his hand and slowly sliding it up and down his shaft. He lightly ran his thumb over the swollen tip where he saw precum collecting and as he did he heard himself hiss at the sensation. “Fuck man, you gotta get this under control or you ain't gonna last long,” he said out loud continuing to slowly stroke himself. After a few more pumps he reached down with his other hand and gently cupped and massaged his balls, fantasizing that it was you doing it. 

As he continued to stroke himself, he thought about your mouth and how good it would feel for you to suck him off. Would he be able to deep throat you, and would you love it? He also thought about your hands and how good they would feel stroking his cock. He wondered how many other men you had been with, was he the biggest? Finally, he thought about your tight little hole. God he wanted to lap at it, suck it, and tongue fuck it. He knew from the first time he fucked you how tight you were. But this time he wanted to really take his time to explore you with his tongue, his fingers, and then with his rock hard throbbing cock.

"Fuck", Joel said to himself. "God baby, I need your pussy so badly” he moaned out loud to himself as he stroked himself faster and faster at the thought of you. “Yeah, come on baby girl. Just like that. Come on, baby. Fuck daddy just like that," Joel said while pumping his hand faster and faster. He was imagining fucking up into you the way he needed, with your legs wrapped around him, riding him hard and fast. He was thrusting so hard up into his hand, moaning and grunting to himself at the image of you fucking him that he knew that he was almost there, right on the edge chasing his high, a few more pumps before finally being able to blow his load the way he needed to. “Fuck y/n. Come on, mama. That’s right, fuck me” he said moaning hard as he continued.  “God damn it y/n, I want you so fucking bad right now. Please be a good girl and just fuck my cock, please baby” he panted, wanting you to be in front of him right now so bad, for you to fuck him hard. He wanted to hold on your hips and help you move your hips back and forth as he fucked you deep.  

“Yes, yes, yes” he panted, and just before he finally tipped over the edge he heard a loud “snap” of a tree branch.  Immediately Joel froze, looking through the trees to see who it was as his dick throbbed hard in his hand.  When he didn’t hear it again after a bit, he turned back to slowly give himself a few more pumps, thinking to himself “fuck man, ya gotta make this quick.”  As he started pumping his fist faster, he felt that same heat build up in his spine.  God, he was edging himself too much today, but he didn’t care, he needed release.  He hadn’t touched himself or let himself have an orgasm since the last time he fucked you.  He was desperate for release again. As Joel continued he thought of you again, and he felt himself get right on the edge once again before he heard another “snap” of a branch.  This time when Joel looked through the trees he saw someone walking through the woods, and he instantly froze thinking, who the fuck is that?

He sat there quiet, slowly tucking himself back in his pants and slowly reaching for his rifle as he watched the person walk closer to him. When you came into view and he saw that it was you, he became incredibly frustrated and said "Are ya fucking kidding me? The universe must be run by a goddamn woman, and that bitch must fucking hate me, cause she won't ever let me come." 

Frustrated Joel focused himself on taking a few slow and steady breaths. “Later, I'll finish this later" he told himself under protest. He tried to force himself to calm down the rest of the way before he was going to speak with you, because right now he didn’t think he could stop himself from stripping your clothes off and fucking you the way he was just fantizing about doing moments ago.

As Joel sat there watching you approach, he heard you mumbling to yourself. When you made the comment about Joel liking your ass with chopping firewood, it honestly piqued his interest. You weren't wrong per se, Joel did find your ass very attractive. However, he didn't need an excuse like chopping firewood to admire it. As Joel sat back observing you, he noticed that you were so focused and lost in your own head that you never saw him sitting there on the ground while you walked past. You continued to mumble to yourself about how much of a jackass Joel was, with that comment Joel shook his head thinking smartass. You also complained out loud that you too had needs that he wasn't fulfilling. He heard your comments about how unsatisfied that you were as a woman, and how you wanted him to touch you. You also voiced to yourself how frustrated you were with him that he wasn’t fulfilling all of your needs either. As Joel heard your statements, he quietly whispered to himself, “same thing here darlin', I'm just as fucking frustrated.”

When Joel heard you admit that you had no idea how to chop down a tree, he smiled to himself. He thought it was cute that you admitted out loud to yourself that you didn’t know what the hell you were doing, but you wanted to impress your man, a man named Joel. When Joel heard that, he felt a rush of blood go to his ego, and go someplace else too. So with a smirk on his face, he welcomed the show that he was sure you were about to give him with your ass, especially when they were placed in those tight pants. "Alright, baby. Show daddy what ya got" he whispered.

The longer you mumbled to yourself, the more he saw you move your weight back and forth between your feet. Those tight pants fit you nicely around your ass, and accentuated every curve you had. Joel wasn't a religious man, but today he was thanking God for being able to stay hidden in the shadows to just enjoy the show you were giving him. The longer you bent over and stood up repeatedly, the harder it was for Joel to get control of his ragging hormones and the strong urge to fuck you right here in the woods. He knew he couldn't act on it, but the urge to hold you, bend you over, and claim you as his was strong within him. He quietly adjusted his pants, reminding himself that he didn't have a claim like that over you. He took a few steadying breaths, but when he saw you bring the axe back, he knew you weren't going to hit shit with that stance. So with a smirk on his face he decided to speak and teach you a lesson. If you were going to be the fantasy of his dreams tonight, you might as well do it right, and not hurt yourself.

Right before you swung the axe you heard Joel say, “Darlin', I don’t think that’s the wisest idea there. Ya might wanna rethink what you’re tryin' to do.” You hadn’t known that Joel was sitting in the shadows behind you. You were so stuck in your own head that you never really looked around to view your surroundings to see who or what was present. You didn’t dare admit that to Joel, as you didn't want to start another argument with him. So sarcastically you said out loud, “yeah well, why is that Joel?”

When you didn’t hear him answer you right away, you turned around slowly to see where he was. With your senses heightened, you were trying to determine why he didn’t respond to you right away. All you hoped for was that he hadn't been bitten. When your eyes met his and you saw him sitting relaxed up against a tree, you were deeply surprised. He was looking at you with a shitty smirk on his face, like he was enjoying the show you were about to give him. Truly he looked relaxed and you had no idea why. As you glared at him with frustration at his easy posture, you noticed that he was slowly looking you up and down. When you caught him staring at your ass, you cocked your head and raised one eyebrow saying “I asked you a question Miller, don’t make me ask you again.”

Joel narrowed his eyes at the sass that you just gave him out of your mouth. God that mouth, he thought, what I’d love to do to that filthy mouth.  Joel felt his pants tighten once again at the thought about him fucking your mouth. He hadn’t had a woman’s mouth on him in so long that the mere thought of you doing it made him hard and weeping precum yet again. He knew he had to calm down before he lost all rational thought with you, and force you on your knees to suck him off.

As Joel stood up, he brushed the snow off from his pants, checked his rifle, and then turned away to re-adjust the front of him.  When he turned back around he saw that you were staring at his half hardened bulge still prominent in his jeans. He took in a long inhale, and as he exhaled he said “nothin' good ever comes from that darlin.’”

You were so lost in thought staring at the man in front of you that you never heard what he said. You were too focused on admiring Joel's manly features. Joel Miller was truly an amazing specimen. He had thick biceps that his jacket hugged nicely. He had powerful thighs that you knew could hold a woman up and fuck her properly. His hips and ass were perfect, sculpted by the Gods. He also had beautiful eyes. God you could get lost in those dark chocolate brown eyes. His lips, you already knew, felt amazing against your body. And his tongue, one you hoped would break you into submission again real soon.  

The longer you looked at Joel, the more you felt your body crave the man that was standing here before you. You knew Joel had said something to you, but honestly you were so lost in your own fantasy that you never heard what he said. As you came back down to Earth you shook your head saying “what?” with somewhat of a puzzled expression on your face.

Joel noticed your staring, and he didn’t care because he was doing his own staring too. Your slightly rosey cheeks, mouth slightly parted as you licked your plump soft lips, eyes fixed at the bulge in his pants. If he wanted to he could just walk over there and grab you by the- Fuck man, get it together and stop this shit right now, he thought to himself as he shook his head trying to clear his own mind.  After closing his eyes and taking a few breaths to steady himself he said while clearing his throat, “you’re gonna hurt yourself if ya continue." When you furrowed your brows further Joel added, “your form darlin’, your form is off. If ya hit that tree with that axe the way you’re holding it, you’re gonna hurt your shoulder and your back.”

You looked down at the axe that you were holding somewhat puzzled, and you realized that you were in way over your head. You felt embarrassed that you weren’t holding it right.  Here you were trying to impress the man in front of you, and you didn’t even think to ask Ellie if there was a technique required to do any of this.  You thought you could just grab the axe, swing it, and it’d work. While looking at the axe you felt stupid, and you felt that Ellie had set you up for where you were the butt of a funny joke yet again. Ellie knew how to chop down a tree because Joel showed her.  She also knew that it was a skill you had never learned before. So here you were, trying to make Joel think of you as a sexy, strong, and capable woman who could pull her own weight, when all you were doing was making a fool out of yourself.

You began to shuffle nervously on your feet, looking down and away from Joel when you said “I-I didn’t know. Um- I just thought-”

Joel could tell that you were upset, and turning slightly inward at the realization that you didn’t know what you were doing.  He hated when you turned inward like this because you weren’t completely wrong in what you were doing, just your form was a little messy.  As Joel approached you, he watched you back up slowly looking down. He felt anger rise into the pit of his stomach at your reaction.  He has never hurt you, nor treated you like shit in moments of teaching. He hated the fact that David did this to you. David was a piece of shit who had ruined what could have been an amazing moment with you. If that asshole was still alive today, Joel thought, I’d kill him again.   

Joel had realized that his anger was starting to boil to the surface, and that was something that he didn’t want.  He knew you'd take it that he was mad at you, but that wasn't the case.  He hated the circumstances of people hurting you. So he took a deep breath to calm himself while stepping forward to gently grab the axe from you while saying “Here honey, let me show you.” After he took the axe he showed you how to choke up on it before swinging it. He also showed you how to move your hand as you swung it to chop. When he was finished he gave it back to you and told you to try those hand movements. 

With a nod you grabbed the axe back from him. And as soon as you started to go to swing the axe to chop down the tree again you heard Joel say, “darlin’ are you trying to hurt yourself?”

“What Joel, what?” you bit back frustrated at him as you turned to face him. “I’m doing it just like you showed me, so what the hell is wrong now?”

Joel shook his head at your sass.  He was both turned on by it and completely annoyed and irritated by it. “Listen here little girl” he said with a little bite to his voice. “Don’t bite my goddamn head off when I’m tryin’ to help ya. You wanna know what’s wrong, it’s your stance. Your stance is wrong and I’m tryin’ to show ya how to do it right so you don’t go and hurt yourself.”  He stepped towards you and said “ now turn around and position yourself like you are going to swing the axe.”  When you didn’t move right away, he whispered in your ear, “come on darlin’, what are you afraid of?”

“You,” you answered without even thinking. “I’m afraid you’re going to-”

“Hurt ya? No darlin’ I ain’t gonna hurt ya” he said feeling the anger slowly boil underneath the surface yet again.  “I’m not like that piece of shit David. I’m. I’m just trying to help you, ok?” he said with a sigh. “Honey, I may not always be around and I want you to be able to do this right on your own. Ok? Now come on honey, show me”  he said while tucking a piece of hair behind your ear and nudging you forward.

When you didn’t move he said “Baby, come on. Please show me,” while coaxing you to continue.  You felt your heart race with how close this man was to you. It didn’t help that your head was swimming with what Ellie had said to you earlier.  You were flustered and Joel could sense it as you heard him laugh while saying “come on darlin’, show me.”

After a moment you finally found the courage to begin again.  You started to pull back on the axe once again like he showed you, but this time you felt him grab the axe to stop you from swinging it. Joel softly spoke in your ear saying “your legs are wrong baby, spread ‘em for me.”

You felt heat rise up from your spine and spread across your back and neck. Your also felt your face heat up where you could feel sweat starting to form on your brow. You also started breathing harder, almost panting for him.  You felt your underwear become slick, especially when he got closer and you could feel his chest touching your back softly.  He leaned into you closer, and you felt something hard brush up against your backside as he whispered softly into your ear asking you to spread ‘em. He was so soft and yet so commanding with you, and you loved it. You loved his roughness that he could show. God, you were so turned on by him right now but you didn’t think he meant what you thought he meant, so with a shaky breath you said “Wh-what?” 

Joel could tell how turned on you were by him and it gave him a little bit of an ego boost.  He wasn’t intending on playing this type of game with you, but he realized how his words and actions could have been misinterpreted to mean something more. But the fact that you were so flustered for him he wondered how long it had been since you gave yourself any proper attention. By the way your body responded with a simple phrase, he figured it must have been a long time.  And that was something that he needed to rectify with you soon, but not right now.  

But the longer the moment stretched on, and the more he saw your body respond to him, the more turned on Joel was even getting. God he was still so horny, not able to relieve himself fully so the thought of you getting flustered for him sent him into an animalistic nature. He wasn’t thinking clearly when he leaned in and said with a low growl, “You heard me darlin’. I said spread those fucking legs” And with that Joel put his foot in between your legs and forcibly spread your legs further apart, which caused you to almost lose balance. In an attempt to steady yourself you adjusted your hips and happened to press them hard against the front of Joel and that’s when you felt it, the full outline of his cock in his pants. At that moment instinct took ahold of you and you lightly rolled your hips against his hard bulge. 

You heard him give out a low feral growl again as he grabbed your hips while mimicking the same hip roll back into you. Pretty soon you both were panting as Joel started to dry hump you.  You knew he was turned on, begging for relief. God, he’s so fucking hard, what was he doing out here? You thought to yourself.  You started rubbing your ass harder up and down hard into his crotch, trying to give him some relief while working yourself up too.

“Yeah baby, just like that” you heard Joel say behind you.  He grabbed the axe and threw it to the ground.  He then reached around the front of you and pulled you further back into him. He immediately went to the front of your jeans and opened them up and then plunged his fingers, as soon as he felt how wet you were for him you heard him tsk behind you saying “fuck mama, this all for me?”

When you nodded your head frantically he whispered into your ear in a low growl, “good girl, now show me how you can fuck” as he slammed 2 thick fingers into your hot, wet, and throbbing pussy.  As soon as he did that you let out a low moan and frantically started humping his fingers. You felt Joel bite your neck while saying “come on baby, don’t forget to give daddy some attention.”  He angled your hips back again against his hard bulge and helped you get into a rhythm. You continued to hump his fingers while still giving him some much needed friction. “Come on princess, that’s it. Yeah, fuck me” he said while moaning against you as you both where humping each other.  

When your knees started to give out, he lowered you to the ground on all fours as he yanked down your pants further.  The next thing you knew Joel was humping you hard from behind saying “ya know, I saw two wolves the other day fuck like this and I couldn’t stop thinking about doing this to you” he said humping you hard like you both were animal’s in heat. 

“God, put your cock in Joel, fuck” you said rubbing harder against his ass.

“No, only good girls get daddy’s cock, you robbed me of another orgasm sweetheart.  I was a few more pumps from blowing my sweet fucking load before you interrupted me yet again” he said biting hard on the back of your neck. “I haven’t been able to fucking come since I fucked you in that sleeping bag” he admitted finding that the angle wasn’t giving him enough friction that he wanted.  So he quickly grabbed you and yanked your pants the rest of the way off while sitting back down against the tree.  “Well go on, if you wanna fuck so bad, go ahead. Fuck me” he said with blown out pupils.

You stilled and looked at him and said, “huh Joel, baby you need to-”

“Shut up and just do it,” he growled moving your hips back and forth over his hard bulge that was still prominent and fully clothed in his pants.  After the two of you were grinding hard back and forth, you both needed more friction. Joel quickly unbuckled his belt and freed his cock. You watched him slowly start to stroke himself while looking at you in your eyes saying, “fuck baby, what the hell are ya doing t’me? I’m so fucking horny for you that I ain’t thinkin’ clearly anymore baby.”

You watched as Joel slowly stroked his throbbing cock. You knew Joel was trying to figure out how he could stop what was happening, but knowing that he was too worked up to put an end to this.  It looked like it hurt him bad at how much he throbbed and how much precum was leaking from him. You didn’t want an argument so you scooted down his legs and then leaned back and spread your legs to him while slowly running a finger through your wet slick folds says “Joel, I’m just as fucking worked up. And I know you ain’t wanting to fuck, I’d gladly do it though if you wanted.”

When you saw Joel slowly shake his head no while still continuing to slowly stroke himself you said “yeah I didn’t think so.”

You found yourself slowly sticking a finger in your dripping pussy and moaning at the sensation as your eyes rolled back in your head. God, it had been so long since you had a proper orgasm.  When you opened your eyes again you saw Joel looking at you like he was a wolf wanting to devour his meal that was in front of him.  This gave you a boost of self esteem so you said “Joel, I’m so fucking horny, so how about we both do this a bit.  You touch yourself, and I touch myself, and we both give in to the orgasm that we both know we need.”

“I can’t darlin’, you ain’t gonna play fair if we do any more” he said while stilling his hand and closing his eyes.

“Hey, look at me,” you said gently while touching his cheek.  When he opened his eyes you continued saying “I promise we’ll just do this. No touching for either of us to the other person or we both know how it ends. I know you’re not ready for that yet. But Joel, baby, I fucking need to cum so bad right now that it hurts, so please touch yourself.”  After a few more strokes of yourself you slip your slick coated finger into his mouth so he can taste how worked up you were. 

Joel moaned when he tasted how good you were. He wanted to lap at you right now but if he did, he knew he’d forget all self restraint and fuck you hard. “Your shit to my self control love, ya know that? And ya don’t fucking play fair” Joel said after he pulled your finger out of his mouth with a pop. 

“Who said about playing fair Joel? Here I have my boyfriend, supposedly, who doesn’t want to ever do anything sexually.  First relationship I’ve ever had where he’s someone who’s all talk and no do” you say slowly teasing your clit at your words.

“Watch your mouth there smartass, or you may not like what you’ll get baby” Joel says as a warning.

“Fuck your self control Joel, and your good fucking attitude” you say while sinking 2 fingers knuckle deep within you. “I just want to fuck my boyfriend’s cock, is that so bad?” you say while moaning and pumping your fingers in and out of your tight dripping hole.

Joel watched you give yourself over to pleasure and he couldn’t help himself, he had to indulge in his own pleasure.  So he spit in his hand and then slowly started stroking himself in time with your fingers. God this is fucking hot, he thought to himself.  “Fuck baby, take my cock good like that. And for the record, your boyfriend does wanna fuck you bad” he said as he continued to stroke himself at the speed of your fingers.

When you opened your eyes you noticed Joel was matching you thrust for thrust.  To tease him a little bit you decided to slow down the strokes of your fingers while saying, “come on daddy, you know you can do better than that.”

“Fuck woman, don’t tease,” he growled at you while slowing his strokes down to match you.

“Why Joel, doesn’t it feel good?” you say, dragging out your pleasure just a little longer.

“Fuuuck” he groaned while slamming his head back against the tree, watching you slowly fuck yourself with your fingers as Joel kept edging himself in time with you.  

After a few more slow pumps of your fingers, you felt that familiar feeling of your walls fluttering around yourself.  You knew you were not going to last for very much longer. So you sped up your fingers to start to fuck yourself fast, panting and moaning for Joel.  You looked over and saw Joel panting just as hard, cursing under his breath, fucking himself hard and fast up into his hand.

“Joel baby, I want you” you say panting.

“I know baby, I know. Don’t stop Angel, fuck, don’t stop.” he said in a strained voice.

“Pleeease Joel, I need more” you say begging him, for what you didn’t know.

“I know Angel, I know. But we can’t, we can’t, fuuck” he says watching you desperately chase your high, not quite getting deep enough with your fingers that he knows that you need.  He watched you get frustrated, begging for him to help you, and him telling you no.  Finally after a bit Joel saw you slow down your fingers, pulling them out, knowing that you never came. It’s in that moment he sees your true frustration, you haven’t been able to come since he had sex with you last, not that you hadn’t wanted to, but you couldn’t.  God Joel felt like a complete asshole at this moment.

“Baby, what’s the matter?” he said as he watched you get up and put your pants back on. “Come on honey, don’t do this” he said pleading with you to not shut down.

As soon as you opened your mouth you pulled away saying “I can’t. We-we need to focus.” 

“Why? Why did you stop” he asked you as he also quickly stood up putting himself back together and zipping himself up. 

As you turned around to face him you said, “Joel, I just- I don’t know- tell me what I have to do to-”

It was then that he realized where you were going and all Joel could say shaking his head was “Don’t, don’t go there.”

“Don’t go there, seriously Joel?” you said with a bite to your voice. “No. No Joel, I want to go there. I want to know why. Why is it everytime we get alone and stuff like this happens you say no? Fuck Joel, I can feel you’re turned on, damnit I can see it still right now. We were- we-” you say while trying to put to words what the two of you were doing, because it felt like it was more than just mutual masterbation. Frustrated you said, “fuck Joel, I’m turned on. So why do you resist it, why can’t you just give in and-”

“And fuck you?” he said sarcastically. 

“Yes Joel, why? Why can’t you fuck me?” you snapped.

“You don’t know what you’re askin’ for darlin,’” he said while shaking his head and looking off into the distance.

You were so frustrated with this man. For the lack of any intimacy, for the lack of communication with you, and for the lack of honesty.  You knew he side-stepped conversations that meant something to him, or brought up strong emotions to the surface. He was a big old broody man, a man that you truly loved, but damnit, you didn’t care in this moment if he was comfortable or not. Everytime you have listened and dropped the topic of discussion, no resolution ever came later on. He’d forget it and move on, treating you as if the topic never got brought up. But not today, today you weren’t going to let him get off so easily. This man in front of you made you question why the hell you were even here in the first place.  For your own sanity, you needed to know. You had enough of the games the two of you played, this time you were going to get to the heart of this and find a solution no matter what the solution was. If not, then you were going to leave permanently.  

So with a deep breath, and nerves shaking you all over, you said “You know, for someone who says he cares and wants me as his girlfriend, you do have a funny way of showing affection. No wonder why Sarah’s mom and Tess-”

“Don’t. Don’t you fucking finish that goddamn sentence little girl, I’m warning you. Don’t.” Joel sneered at you, anger boiling fast to the surface. Who the hell gave you the right to even speak about his past relationships, something you knew nothing about, he thought to himself. 

“Why Joel, cause it’s the truth?” you say getting more and more angry.  “Why could you fuck them and not me?” you snap feeling the tightening in your throat coming on. You knew you were hitting his emotional button with anger, but he was hitting yours where you didn’t feel worthy of love.  Something you didn’t want to admit to him or even to yourself.

“If ya recall darlin,’” he said with a bite to his voice, “I did fuck you.” 

“Yeah one time Joel, one time. And I get it why you didn’t want to after that, that you wanted to date me or whatever. But shit Joel, we don’t kiss, we don’t hug, we don’t-”

“What the fuck were we just doing then y/n, huh? Cause it looked to me that we were definitely doing something” Joel snapped back.

“Yeah, until you would have came and then it would have been done, nevermind that I needed more” you say throwing your arms up in the air. “Jesus Christ Joel, what the fuck do I gotta do to get you to give a shit about me?” you snap back feeling the sting starting to burn hot in the back of your throat.

“I do care. I do give a shit y/n. Fuck, why do you think I’m even out here with you?” he snapped. He didn’t want to have this conversation, the one where he knew you backed him into the corner on having. The one where he had to admit his fault to you, the reason why he has held back for all of these years, even before the outbreak with other women. He knew he needed to turn and walk away before it went any further, but he couldn’t. He wanted to, but he could see you were breaking in front of him. You had an idea that he didn’t care and that was not the reason for this problem.  So he stayed and gave into your and his frustration, and stood there having the one argument with you that he never wanted to have. 

You were so lost in your own anger and frustration that you never saw Joel wince at your outburst, or look at you pleading with his eyes to stop, asking you not to push him any further.  You were so lost in your own emotions that nothing registered in your brain at what you were seeing before you.  You shouted at him saying, “I don’t know Joel, why are you out here? You haven’t hardly been alone with me for 5 seconds for the past month and-”

“For good fucking reason, y/n. I haven’t been alone with you for a good fucking reason. Jesus” he said throwing his hands up in the air out of frustration.

“Then tell me,” you yelled back with tears stinging your eyes and starting to slide down your cheeks. “Tell me why I’m not good enough, Joel. Why did you fucking save my life when you clearly didn’t want to. Why didn’t you just let Dave kill me, when you clearly don’t care. Tell me Joel, why? Why am I in love with a man that doesn’t fucking love me back? What do I have to do to get you to fucking se-see me?” you say as the sob escapes your lips at the admittance of your feelings for the one man standing before you.

It was in that moment that Joel hated himself. He knew you were struggling with those emotions, he knew you loved him but fuck, this was not how he wanted you to say it to him. He knew he wasn’t the guy that liked to communicate his feelings.  Tommy always said while growing up that Joel’s biggest fault was his lack of communicating how he felt. He knew that was the reason why Sarah’s mom did what she did and left, and of why Tess never fully gave herself to him. He hated talking about his emotions and feelings, but he knew that you needed to hear the reason why, because he didn’t want to lose the one person he fucking loved more than anything in this world right now, and that person was you.  Ellie was the other person he loved so much, but he loved her like his own daughter. Where he loved you like his wife, his soulmate. 

When he didn’t respond right away you shook your head and said “maybe I should just-”

“No,” Joel said interrupting you. “Please baby, don’t leave” he said looking up at you with bloodshot eyes. You saw how tears were forming in his eyes and you didn’t understand why. Why would a man who was so closed off with you, who always hated things you did really care if you stuck around. 

“Why Joel, why?” you asked feeling broken. “Please.”  

When he didn’t respond again and looked away, you decided to go pack up a few things to leave. Ellie was wrong, you thought to yourself, I was wrong, he never wanted me. You didn't want to chop down a tree anymore. You just wanted to leave, to stop this pain and to just, I don't know, figure your own life out alone. You turned and had only taken about 4 steps away when you heard Joel speak. 

“I used to do contracting work before the outbreak, I owned a business called Miller Contracting” he said.  You paused and looked over at him and waited. Honestly, you were a little baffled as to why he’d bring that up now. “That sounds pretty cool Joel, you must have done a good job” is all that you could say. 

Joel just shook his head and snorted at your comment.  After a moment he continued saying “Sarah was about 2 years old at the time. Teesh, my wife, short for Theresa, was a stay-at-home mom at the time. We had only known each other, dated for about 5 months before she got pregnant with Sarah. She was young, barely 19 when she got pregnant with Sarah and I, being in my early 20s fucking knew better. One night after a date she was so hot, wanting me so bad. It was raining outside and we were on our way back from the movies.  We had gotten into a horrible fight on our way back and she started to cry. She said that I didn’t love her. But fuck, if that woman really knew how I felt about her we wouldn’t have gotten into that argument.”

“Anyways,” Joel said while switching sides with his rifle and slowly walking up to you. “She said I didn’t care and the next thing I knew we were parked on the side of the road and she was on my lap and- well, let’s just say that Sarah was created in my truck that night. I didn’t have anything for protection and she pleaded with me to not pull out. I was so swept up in the moment that I didn’t think that she may have been ovulating” he said with a smirk.

After a moment of silence you said “Joel, I’m sorry that happened, but what does that have to do with-”

“Just give me a minute here baby, please” Joel said while wiping a tear off his face. Finally after a few moments of Joel lost in thought you heard him continue.  “Sarah was born 9 months later and Teesh and I were married when she was 5 months pregnant. Teesh and I didn’t get along much, but we put a great effort in. Well when Sarah was about a year old I started my own business, Miller Contracting, and Teesh was my biggest supporter at the time, or so I thought. I busted my ass for my family. We moved out of this shitty 1 bedroom apartment into a house that I had built for her and Sarah. Sarah was about 2 years old and Teesh said she wanted another baby. After a few discussions I had agreed and we tried, fuck baby we tried so goddamn hard to do it. But when you’re working 60 hours a week, hardly home in the summer, it makes baby making a little harder.”

“Well, one day I got done with work a little early, about 2 pm, and wanted to go home to surprise Teesh. Sarah was over at the babysitters house cause Teesh needed a break that day. I went and bought her some flowers, stopped and got her favorite cheesecake from the best bakery, and was gonna go home and show my wife that her man needed her.  I bought a card and wrote in the card ‘baby, I love you and need you, J’. And for me, that was a lot for sharing my emotions.”

“When I walked into the house I heard some moaning coming from the bedroom. I thought my wife was giving herself some much needed attention. God, I was so turned on by it, wanted to watch her touch herself and then help her finish. So I walked up the stairs to our bedroom and then froze with what I saw.”

You felt your heart race fast in your chest when you looked at Joel in the face. You saw a man that looked broken in this second, shattered. You watched him taking a few shaky breaths to calm himself. Finally after a moment you said softly “Joel, what did you see?”

With a shake of his head, Joel looked you straight in the eyes and said, “I saw my wife fucking my best friend. The man who was like a brother to me. He was balls deep in my wife, fucking her with no protection and she was begging him to come inside her. And she was fucking ovulating.”

“Oh my God Joel, I’m so-”

“Don’t. Let me finish” he said clearing his throat and swiping another tear away from his cheek. Finally after a few moments he said while looking off in the distance, “She said the reason why she did it was because I didn’t care about her, that she felt that I never loved her, yet I did.” Joel looked back at you and said “darlin’ I struggle communicating my feelings, as you can tell. But don’t ever think for a second baby that I don’t care about you, cause I do. I’m just scared. I’m scared of losing the people that matter the most to me. I’ve lost everyone so far that I’ve cared about deeply, and I don’t want to lose you. I don’t make love to you baby, not cause I don’t want to. Fuck woman, I want you more than you god damn know. I just. I can’t risk sentencing you to death or our baby to death, because I fucking knocked ya up out here.”

Joel gently grabbed your face with both hands, and with looking into your beautiful eyes he said “I see you mama. I see you so god damn much in front of me and I- I, fuck.”  You watch a tear slip down his cheek, while shaking his head he continues saying, “I see you honey, ok. And I care about you, so damn much,” and with that he leans in and puts the softest kiss to your lips.

You allow yourself to melt into the kiss, and into him.  You don’t ask for more than what he is giving you, because this was Joel showing you that he cared. After a moment he deepens that kiss and brings you closer to him.  He skims your lips with his tongue, asking gently for access to your mouth, and you grant it to him with no resistance.  He doesn’t wrestle you with his tongue, but slowly moves it in your mouth, where both of your tongues are doing a slow dance exploring each other.  This isn’t a kiss that says ‘I want to fuck you.’  This is a kiss that says ‘I love you.’  Even though he hasn’t said it to you, you can feel it in this moment with how he is kissing you, as it is so intimate.  And you communicate the same thing to him with your slow tender kiss back.

When Joel had finished exploring your mouth, he gently pulled back and nipped your chin and jaw.  He then pulls you close into his arms and wraps his arms tenderly around you saying, “I care about you kiddo, don’t ever think differently, ok? And I promise baby, I’ll work on the affection part. But know that I care about ya, alright. I fucking care and want you more than you’ll ever know.” He gently starts swaying you side to side in his arms, caressing the back of your head and kissing you periodically on the top of your head.

“Ok, old man,” you say, and you hear him chuckle above you. “But ya gotta give me more than just the cold shoulder Joel. If you want me to believe you, and that you do care, you gotta give me more than just telling me these things baby. You gotta show me, and don’t worry, we’ll go at a pace that is comfortable for both of us, ok?” 

“Ok mama, ok.” he says and gives you the softest kiss on your lips again.  After pulling all the way back he picks up the axe that had dropped and hands it to you while saying, “ok smartass now swing that fucking axe and let me see that nice ass of yours." As you turn around he playfully slaps your ass.

You burst out laughing and say “ok Papa Bear, you better go sit down or you’re gonna have a heart attack if ya don’t watch it.”  And with that you glance back over your shoulder at him before you swing the axe towards the tree.  As you line up, you glance back to see if your form is ok. He nods once at you in a silent encouragement to keep going and you hit the tree.  As soon as the axe hit the tree you heard him say “good job baby, now do it again.” And so you follow his instructions.  Pretty soon the tree was chopped all the way down by you.  He had given you instructions and feedback along the way, encouraging you to keep going.  He had offered you to let him finish chopping the tree down for you when you got tired, which you promptly told him if he moved one muscle to grab that axe you were going to swing it at his head.  He laughed at you holding his arms up in surrender, and told you to continue then.  

Once the tree was chopped down he grabbed the axe from you and told you to go sit down to rest. He showed you how to check the tree for closer damage and how to chop some of the unhealthy branches off first. When you offered to drag the tree back to the cabin he said to you “nah baby, I got it” and then you followed him back watching him flex his muscles for you. Once you were back you immediately started sectioning off the tree into easier sections for firewood. Joel helped you chop wood, quietly glancing over at you as you both worked.  Once you saw him glance at your ass and stare at the curve of it.  You smiled and said “eyes up here cowboy” and pointed to your face.  He quickly cleared his throat and said “was looking behind you, not at ya,” as he adjusted his jacket with a red face from embarrassment that you caught him looking.  

You thought Joel being embarrassed looked cute, so you walked up to him and said with a smile “ya I know, my behind is sexy isn’t it?” Joel never answered you, but looked at you with intense eyes as he tightened his jaw.  When you walked away you heard him say under his breath “yeah baby it fucking is” and then you watched him re-adjust the front of his pants yet again.  Ellie was right, you thought to yourself, points go to the cocky teenager for being right.  You make a mental note that next time you talk with Ellie about something like this, you tell her that she was in fact right.  Papa Bear does love it when you go out to chop firewood.  You also make a mental note that you will definitely be making a trip out to the pine trees with Joel yet again. 

-End of Chapter 5-

A/N: Wow, this is the filthiest thing I have written so far. Once again there will be other chapters with these two. I already have a few written, had to split up what I originally wrote for this chapter into 3 separate chapters. Things eventually will heat up with these two and they eventually will fully give in. If you want to be added to the taglist let me know in the comments (tags only added to completed chapters or upcoming one-shots, not teasers).

Taglist: @punkshort @shotgun-shelby @strawbunnyx @orcasoul @pedritoferg @chiogarza @jesfreedark @untamedheart81 @rainbow12346 @nandan11 @swiftpascal @eliza-8 @joeldjarin @vickie5446 @nastiasnow

[starlight-artbby]

Y'all the newest X-Men 97 episode blew me away. Like the animation ate down and it was just so good like I was thoroughly enjoying every second.

I knew that Scott was gonna hold some grudge against the professor and I don't blame him. He left his dream to his team and honestly failed him and damn did this episode remind him that over and over again. Especially Rogue who clearly was fed up with his ass. And I swear I was gonna cry when I saw her wearing Remy's coat and I had a tear nearly fall from my eye when Kurt looked so devastated to tell her again the Remy is dead like ugh I was in so much pain.

Speaking of pain Jubilee and Roberto. How dare they do this to me. I knew from a mile away that Roberto Was gonna go with Magneto (along with Rogue) and I completely understand why. His mother straight up abandon him and handed him to the people who wanted to kill him. Like of course he is gonna be pissed but when Jubilee said you still have me I felt like a part of me died because he walked away and that shit had to hurt.

Now I completely laughed when Magneto said the line about Lilandra. I can't remember exactly what he said but I do recall being gagged and gooped and not him telling Xavier to shut up like if those two don't just go to couples counseling...

Now I won't lie, Morph had me when he pretending to be Sinister so if I were Bastion I most certainly was gonna get caught. May I also express how I thought that Beast was going to get pieced through the chest during that fight sequence like I was on the edge of my toes.

Once again Sinister proved to me why I hate him so much. Having Jean fight her own son?!? Foul and then her contacting Cyclops to tell him that she loves him!!! Like why does X-Men 97 like hurting us? And if Storm or Forge ends up dead, I am most certainly fighting someone.

Now the new looks... Huh... Why did they have to put that cap on my boy Scott. And Jean she ate down with the boots but the gloves and the mask?!?! No mam. I loved Rogues outfit along with Logan's. They could've had morph in something a lot better. Kurt ate as usual and of course Jubilee ate up her look along with Storm. I couldn't tell if beast put on anything different so I can't say much about that but regardless, some of the team needed a better wardrobe.

Now I know some people will probably get mad at Rogue and Roberto for going with Magneto but honestly, Rogue was there on Genosha. It has messed her up so badly and we continue to see the side effects till this very episode. I already explained Roberto so I honestly am not mad at him but I am sad that he couldn't see that Jubilee was there for him just like sadly Rogue couldn't see that the team would be there for her but honestly, their feelings are still valid as fuck and I don't want to hear anyone else say other wise.

Also why did they have to do Wolverine like that!! Huh!!! Like y'all better have his regeneration ability kick in. I also feel so bad cause I know that nobody was expecting murder to occur up there that's for sure.

(also Scott stopping Xavier from forcing Magneto to return power was everything to me cause he did it for Jean and it's time he shows that woman some love.)

Also where is Bishop!?!?!

Now for the things I enjoyed. I loved the new opening. I was so happy to see Storm back in it again. It really made things start off well for the episode. I loved Rogue clocking Xavier and telling him exactly what she needed to say.

My favorite part of the episode though had to be when Jean and Storm had reunited and when they parted ways on the mission. Those two are sisters and I love the show for reminding us of their incredible bond I just lived to see it.

I also enjoyed Scott and Jean giving each other a hug before they parted ways and when Scott gave Nathan that advice I truly loved it. I am hoping that'll stop him from attacking Jean (possibly) if not, Jean will girlboss her way out of there.

I can't wait for the final episode (I hope I get Remy and Logan and anyone else who gets injured back) ♡♡♡♡

[honeydazai]

୨୧·࣭࣪̇˖ 𝆬  ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ꜰᴀᴠᴏᴜʀɪᴛᴇ ᴘᴏꜱɪᴛɪᴏɴ 𝆬 𓏸

feat.: Dazai, Chūya, Ranpo, Atsushi, Akutugawa, Kunikida, Fyodor, Nikolai, Poe

content: nsfw, size difference, dacryphilia, degradation, praise, breeding kink, sadism, kitchen sex, spanking, oral sex, tit fucking

| reblogs & comments very appreciated! | kinktober masterlist |

DAZAI enjoys it greatly whenever you ride him, especially if you face him while doing so. Really, what is there not to love? You're bouncing up on his cock, either eagerly or while glaring at him because of a teasing comment that just fell from his lips, and your tits are following the rhythm you set; a steady up and down, up and down.

There's nothing he likes more than watching you fuck yourself dumb on his dick, and his sly smirk stretches wider when your thighs begin to tremble with exhaustion. Don't believe for a second he'll have mercy with you, though; he's way too busy kneading the soft skin of your tits or hips between his fingers to actually thrust into you. Besides, you're doing just fine like this, right?

“Oh my, belladonna, don't tell me you're getting tired already! What a shame. You were doing so well, too. Come now, I'm sure you'll manage to keep going until both of us cum, won't you?”

Even without use of his ability, it's terribly easy for CHŪYA to lift you up and pin you to a wall to fuck you right then and there. His grip on your hips is tight; he can't help but huff out a gentle laugh when you whimper and try to hide your face in his shoulder to stifle your moans and mewls while his hips slap against your ass.

Your thighs shake adorably where they're wrapped around his slim waist; his pace is anything but slow as he all but pounds into you, the head of his dick nudging against that one sensitive spot inside of you. You moan into the kiss when he reaches down to rub circles around your clit, each thrust of his accompanied by wet squelching noises and, yeah — you're pretty glad that Chūya doesn't need any help to support your weight, given how your knees feel awfully weak right now.

“What a lucky man I am to have such a pretty girl on my dick, hm, baby? Fuck, you feel so damn good around me. You're gonna drive me crazy if you keep moaning like that.”

RANPO'S preferred position is you riding him, especially with your back turned to him. This way, you set the pace — though he's quick to whine if he deems it to be too slow, too lazy —, meaning he doesn't have to bother with constantly pounding into you, but he does like to occasionally thrust his hips up, catching you off-guard whenever he meets you half-way.

It's also the perfect position for him to grab your ass in the meantime; he doesn't hesitate to pinch the skin meanly or to outright spank you while you continue to ride him all obediently. Your high-pitched moans and whimpers make his dick twitch inside of you, especially when you sob because a slap unexpectedly hits your upper thigh rather than your already bruised butt.

“You really make the most adorable noises, darl. I could listen to your pathetic mewls and whines all day. Either way, hurry it up a little, will you? I still got a case to solve.”

Frankly said, ATSUSHI doesn't care in the slightest bit how he's fucking you. He doesn't have a favourite position; the only things that matter to him are that he's as close as can be to you and that he's able to see your face well; he doesn't want to risk missing out on your fucked-out expressions whenever he hits that one special spot inside of you and you clench so tightly around him.

Still, he likes being able to lean up and suck hickeys into your throat and neck in whatever position you're both doing it in; whenever he's pounding into you, his hips slapping against yours, he gets the overwhelming urge to mark you up and claim you as his. Besides, you whimper so adorably whenever his fangs graze over your sensitive skin, so who can blame him?

“Ah, fuck, you feel so good around me, love. You're so good for me, fuck, 'm close—, so tight. And you're all mine, aren't you? Yeah, ah—, that's right.”

It's no surprise that KUNIKIDA'S ideals extend even to sex, and it comes as even less of a shocker that his favourite position to take you in is missionary. Still, it'd even be his preferred one if it wasn't so traditional — he enjoys the way you're panting into his shoulder while your arms are thrown around his neck and how you cry out and arch your back off the bed so prettily when he reaches down to draw steady circles around your aching clit.

If he's honest, Kunikida has to admit that he lives for cumming inside of you, especially in missionary position. You've got your thighs clamped tightly around his waist as he spills into you, filling you up, and your resulting whimper is a heavenly sound. In the end, he even gets to press a gentle kiss to your lips, and his smile is warm and loving as his gaze meets your hazy one.

“Good girl. You always take me so well, don't you? I promise I'll fill you up just as good. Ah, you feel simply heavenly around me, darling.”

FYODOR'S preferred way to fuck you is to simply bend you over the closest flat surface — usually the kitchen counter —, your legs spread wide enough that you struggle to keep your balance and your back arched prettily. Really, it's not like he's against having you warm his dick while he's working or taking you multiple times in missionary in your shared bed, but there's just something peculiar about you, wearing a cutesy apron and stirring whatever meal you're having today, that makes his arousal spike all of a sudden.

He still manages to make it look like fucking in the kitchen was your idea; he just leaned down to give you a simple kiss, after all, and suddenly you were all over him. How curious! And, well, here you are now, bent over the pristine kitchen counter, your dress flipped up for easy access, with Fyodor thrusting into you from behind while he scolds you for not paying more attention to what you're cooking. The noodle water is bubbling already; careful that it doesn't boil over before he fills you up.

“Oh? Let me get this right, love; first, you're lewd enough to beg me to take you right here in our kitchen, and now you're even letting this distract you from finishing our meal? If I didn't know better, I'd say you simply wish for your hardworking husband to starve, though the way I know you, you're probably just too busy being a cock-hungry whore to actually pay attention.”

NIKOLAI loves taking you from behind. He's got one large hand on the back of your neck, pushing your head down into the pillows, and the position is just heavenly in itself — you look awfully adorable like this, head down and ass raised, your back arched into a pretty curve and your thighs spread wide, giving him a perfect view of your dripping cunt.

Whenever he's pounding into you, he makes sure the bed rocks with the force of his thrusts; and, oh, aren't you the cutest when you cry out sharply just because he spanked you once? To be fair, his hits are strong enough to bruise, and 'once' quickly turns to repeatedly, but it's your own fault for clenching so tightly around him in response! The only disadvantage of taking you doggy style is that Nikolai doesn't get to see the tears that drip down your cheeks, but, well; there's still many opportunities to make you cry afterwards.

“Oh, look at ya, doll — crying already? That's adorable! You've taken much worse before, too; believe me or don't, but I'm being gentle right now! Hah, so you do think I'm lying? I'll gladly prove the opposite to you! Let's see just how tight you'll get once I actually put my strength behind each hit!”

AKUTAGAWA likes to see you on your knees, especially when you're all but drooling with eagerness to suck his dick. It's mainly about power dynamics; he feels in control when you're on the floor, your legs spread wide to show off just how wet you are just from pleasuring him, one of his feet pushing in between your spread thighs to keep them open.

His pace is rough when he fucks your mouth, his dick pushing down your throat, and he doesn't bother to stop even as you all but choke and sputter, saliva dripping down your chin and tears welling up in your eyes.

“Fuck. Yeah, that's right. Take it. Hah, I bet you're even wet right now. Are you enjoying this? Fucking slut. Fuck, that's good—”

Despite hesitating to admit it, POE is another one who enjoys it greatly whenever you kneel in front of him. The sight of you with your tits out and eager eyes focusing on his dick makes heat rise to his cheeks; and who can blame him? You are pretty lewd like this, squeezing your tits together with your hands just so he can fuck them, his dick sliding over your smooth skin, sticky with precum.

Occasionally, you even stick your tongue out to give a quick kitten lick to the flushed head of his cock and, oh, it's no surprise that he cums almost immediately, spilling onto your chest and collar bones. He is, however, quick to urge you to get up and lie down or sit on his lap so he's able to please you, too.

“Oh, God—, good girl, that's good. You're so pretty like this. Ah—, come on, it's my turn now. Let me make you feel good, yes?”

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[funnyburneracct]

Hi, I'm Xiao/burningrqs. this post is going to be long. Posting this from a burner so that it doesn't go down the drain when we deactivate.

But essentially, this is an apology to the radqueer community for multiple different things. I'm going to do my best to type this out as well as possible, and I apologize if I miss anything or word things poorly. I am going to explain myself to the best of my abilities, but please keep in mind that my explanations do not excuse my actions by any means.

Post under the cut.

for those who don't want to read it though, TL;DR: I was a complete asshole and I'm genuinely very sorry about it.

So, I want to start off by apologizing in general for the "burning radqueers" thing. Not only was it just not funny, but it was also really weird. I know damn well that if I saw someone pop up with a "burningmogais" blog or something, I would be pissed. So I don't know what made me think that running burningradqueers was a good idea in any sense.

My rude and dehumanizing comments did not help. Regardless of how I view people, what disorders I have, or how symptoms present themselves, it was disgusting of me to act as though I can't be held accountable for my cruelty towards others.

The targeted posts were even worse, and allowing people to just pick a random blog to "burn" was teetering on harassment. It put the user in front of so many people who clearly did not have good intentions towards them, and inherently put the user being "burnt" in danger. I wish I noticed that fact sooner. Even if I disagreed with people or didn't like them for whatever reason, I still should not have felt as though I had the right to post stuff like that.

Adding onto that, I should have never used my ASPD as an excuse for anything. I tend to get defensive when I feel insulted, which is what happened, and I decided to bite back despite being in the wrong. I acted impulsively and out of pure anger, and then tried to defend it, which I shouldn't have. When saying the kinds of things I did, I am open to criticism whether I like that fact or not, and trying to act as though I am immune to that criticism because of a disorder was disgusting on my part.

Another thing, somewhat on a similar note, is that an apology is owed for my hostility in general. Every time it was even lightly suggested I was wrong, I seemed to lash out and get angry. This really just comes down to me needing to learn to admit my wrongs. I should not have made my inability to understand my wrongdoings anyone else's problem.

Then there's also the things I said when I lashed out before deciding to drop burningradqueers entirely. I don't fully remember all of what I said as the event happened during an episode (this does not excuse my words at all by the way. regardless of my state at the time, what I said wasn't okay and should not be excused) and the posts have since been deleted. But, I do remember at one point making harassment out to be a competition of sorts when someone was simply trying to calmly explain to my why the namedropping was not a good move. I can't for the life of me remember why I did that, but I am very sorry about it. A lot of people in the radqueer community have been harassed (and likely do still get harassed constantly), and for me to act like I am the only victim of harassment was wrong on multiple levels.

I'm sure there was a lot of bad stuff I said during that episode, but as I said, I do not remember most of it. I'm sorry that I can't apologize for the specific things I said, but I am apologizing for the situation as a whole.

The entire thing started over me not being able to handle much deserved criticism, and I stood "my ground" despite having absolutely no ground to stand on.

I started burningradqueers over baseless hatred. I didn't know why I was supposed to hate radqueers, or what I was even really hating. I joined the anti community thinking that it is much easier to just move with the pack and hate what everyone else seems to hate, but hatred really isn't that easy. It's exhausting. And realizing how much the anti community really wouldn't want me if I was honest about things made me realize that. Realizing that there are so many antis who would rather see us suffer forever due to dysphoria than see us live happily after getting amputations was rough, and honestly kinda gave me a taste of what radqueers have to deal with every single day, and it felt horrible.

Without realizing it, I managed to do so much damage to a community full of people who deal with exactly the same things I do, a community that is mostly traumatized and mentally ill people who are just trying to get by. Not even just that, but genuinely just people trying to exist and be honest about themselves.

It is not my place to dictate what is and isn't valid in terms of someone's personal identity, and even more, it's not okay for me to treat a whole community like garbage just because I didn't understand it.

Again, I do not want my actions to be excused. I treated people horribly and was a total dick, but I hope that me apologizing can at least make some of you feel better about how I behaved.

[cheeekycharchar]

LOVE LANGUAGE AND MISUNDERSTANDINGS

"But you understood me."

French is universally known as "the language of love".

Crowley remarks that they're both fluent in every language.

Aziraphale prides himself on his self-taught French speaking abilities even though he's obviously terrible at it.

Crowley speaks it with natural ease.

MEANWHILE….

Aziraphale is an angel who struggles with expressing his true feelings/what is truly on his mind..

Crowley is a demon who expresses his feelings and what's on his mind a little too easily..

AND THEY KEEP HAVING THESE MISCOMMUNICATIONS.

In 6000+years, Aziraphale had always known he could get his point across to Crowley in one way or another but..

it's that damned S2E6 final scene that he finally realizes that he can't get Crowley to understand him when he needs him to the most.

"I don't think you understand what I'm offering you."

"I understand. I think I understand a whole lot better than you do."

Just like earlier with the French.

Aziraphale thinks he's speaking perfectly coherently.

But Crowley is trying to, yet again, point out that he's incomprehensible at that moment.

"What's with the French?"

"I learned that the hard way."

..AND YOU'RE GONNA LEARN THE HARD WAY AGAIN, MY DEAREST ANGEL D:

Aziraphale's ignorance to just how bad his communication skills can be at times is such a big problem- not saying Crowley hasn't said the wrong thing now and again either- but the way the show keeps pointing out Aziraphale's bad French despite him being an immortal being that is supposedly fluent in all languages.. except French (aka the very human language of love) that both of them struggle with- except Crowley is always faster on the uptake than Aziraphale in that manner.

Love is its own type of communication.

It's something that is not only said with words but with actions.

I could write an entire essay of all the ways Crowley and Aziraphale have shown each other how much they love each other through their thousands of years together.

But it's once they try to put it into words.. they falter.

"And I would like to spend..."

I just hope in S3, they finally learn how to understand each other's love language.

It's something truly beautiful and tragic that our Ineffable Husbands love each other so damn much but struggle to verbalize it to one another and be understood properly.

Which causes those missed communications.. and breaks our hearts...