#though others (like eren) will find it inspiring

[clfixationstation]

idk if this is a hot take but I don't think Armin is friendly. I think people find him generally off-putting. Like, people think he looks sweet, but also find him strange; for the topics that interest him, the way he didn't stray far from Eren (& Mikasa) socially, and his general demeanor.

I think that as Armin established himself more as he grew up, he developed better interpersonal skills that compliment his rhetorical prowess. I think he's the type of person who sees value in life and in minimizing harm. He offers kindness to his friends and understanding to all. But I don't see him as particularly "friendly"

[greedyhoneyz]

Welcome to Wonderland

.ೃ࿔*:･pairing: eren yeager x pregnant!reader

.ೃ࿔*:･synopsis: soon-to-be-parents embark on a joyous adventure, preparing for the arrival of their little one in a quest to find the perfect stroller.

.ೃ࿔*:･cw: none. fluff. domestic.

.ೃ࿔*:･authors note: inspired by baby mine from @tojigasm. im in a 'baby' mood and wanted to write something other than football. you can probably tell that I haven't watched the show but honestly, I've kind of based eren on his portrayals by other writers on this app and what I feel he would say and act like if he was a modern character. truthfully i just need to watch the show, but I'm honestly not good at keeping up with shows in general.

Onesies. Diapers. Bottles. Pacifiers. Cribs. Toys.

This was the world of babies. 

Eren had never felt so intimidated— standing by the store doors, a trolley glued to his front as he gawked at the avalanche of ‘everything baby’ in front of him. The signs above the aisles, all printed with words that seemed important, taunted him with ridiculing laughter and bizarre speeches filled with phoney concern. 

Hesitantly, Eren veered around and then glanced at (name). He swallowed deeply before speaking between shallow breaths. “Where do we start?”

(name) was quiet for a few moments as her eyes aimlessly scanned the store floor. She let out a breath and then paused, blinking, before glancing down at her phone. “Uh,”

She padded her thumbs across her screen and scrolled through her baby registry. 

“Strollers,” (name) managed to breathe out. She nodded to herself, assured by her choice and peered up at Eren, nodding once again. “Yeah, I think we should look at strollers first.”

“Strollers…” Eren muttered back slowly, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “…that's good.”

The metallic clatter and squeak of the trolley and its battered wheels followed Eren and (name) as they pushed the cart towards the “strollers & travel systems” section. 

The trolley squeaked to a halt when (name) stopped. She blinked, rubbing her lips together and slowly stepped away from Eren. 

“This is nice.” She spoke softly. She raised her hands, her curious fingers wriggling in the air, and fiddled with the straps and handle of the matte black stroller. From the platform where it was perched, she pushed it back and forth, whirling the stroller from side to side. “It moves nicely too.”

“This one looks good too.” Pivoting on the heels of her feet, (name) carefully stroked the handle of another. It was grey, except for its black frame, and carried a sizable basket beneath it unlike the other.

Eren hummed in response to (name) and shifted away from the trolley. He inclined forward and fiddled with the hood of the stroller, pushing it back and dragging it forward. He smoothed his hands across its aluminium frame and picked at the price tag, strapped at the handle. “Not bad, you like it?” 

(name) shrugged. “It’s nice, but I think we should look around first before we decide on anything first.”

The trolley’s shaky rattle continued as (name) and Eren strolled through rows and rows of strollers in various colours, sizes and shapes. 

The traditional strollers, with large wheels and adjustable handles, had quickly gained (name’s) favour, whilst the lightweight umbrella strollers, which were perfect for prompt trips around the town, perked Eren’s eye. The jogging strollers failed to reel both Eren and (name) in, and though their suspension and manoeuvrability brought ease and comfort, the couple could envision themselves going for light jogs across their neighbourhood with their little one in tow. It wasn’t their style. 

“Is there anything here you like?” After a while of searching, Eren and (name) had broken off their stroll and huddled themselves into a corner and fueled themselves with the breakfast bars (name) had stashed inside her purse.

 "No," Eren shook his head, swallowing, his face twisted.

“Well,” (name) began. “If we can’t decide on anything now, I think we should move onto bassinets–”

“What?” A baffled expression came to (name’s) face as she watched Eren shoot off directly to a larger display of strollers.

With a smile on his lips and sparkling eyes, he bent down to retrieve a car seat from the queue of strollers. He waved, beckoning (name) over and beamed down at the contraption below. 

Gripping the metal ledge of the trolley, (name) towed it behind her as she walked. 

She stopped, standing a few feet away and with an inquisitive brow, glanced down at Eren.

“Look.” Hanging his figure over the car seat, Eren turned his back to (name). He lowered his arms, positioning his hands on either side of the seat, its front and its back. He gripped the handle with one hand and tucked his other into the safety lock. He pressed the lock, heaving it upwards as its legs, tucked beneath, extended outwards. Setting it down on the floor, Eren carefully eased the handle from above the black hood and towed it above the seat. A quiet snap could be heard as he adjusted the handle to his hip with a single push of a button. 

“Wow.” (name) gaped, her eyes wide and slowly circled the stroller.

“Cool, ain't it?” Eren smiled proudly. He pushed the stroller back and forth, wheeling it across the aisle in jagged lines. “‘Been looking at this online.”

“And it's good for travelling,” he boasted. “For when we fly. Oh, and it's light….it moves so nice….”

Resting her hand on the swell of her belly, (name) bent down and moved her hands across the seat, running her fingers against its smooth fabric. “But what happens when the baby gets too big and grows out of this?”

“Then…I…guess we buy two strollers?” Eren blurted out slowly.

“Babe… I don’t know.” Reclining back to height, (name) propped her hand on her hip and furrowed her brows together. She pulled her lips down into a frown and shook her head unhappily. 

Eren could feel his heart plunge into the pits of his stomach as (name) scowled. He was convinced that the stroller parked before him was it. And now, as he stared at his wife, he wasn’t too sure she felt the same.  

“Listen, baby, it's a great car seat and stroller,” he began. “C’mon, it's convenient and easy to use, we get this and it’ll make our lives so much easier when the baby comes.”

“Trust me, baby, I’ve done my research. I’ve watched videos and read reviews. This is the one.”

(name) thought a moment, gnawing at her bottom lip. After inspecting the stroller-car seat ensemble, she took Eren’s place at the wheel and rolled it across the aisle, and then back to him. 

She stopped in front of him, parking the stroller a few inches from his feet and sighed. She blinked and blinked and then blinked again, and sighed, tracing her hand across its hood. 

“Alright,” She said. “We’ll get it.”

Eren couldn’t help but cheer, thrusting his fists in the air before launching onto his wife. He wrapped his arms around (name), pulling her into his chest, her swollen belly pressed against his middle, and peppered kisses across her head, his nose bristling against her hair. “Yes!”

“Babe— Eren let go, you’re pulling on my hair.” Wriggling out from Eren’s grasp, (name) huffed, her eyebrows furrowed together and quickly patted away at her hair. 

After calling for assistance, Eren, then armed with newfound instructions, made his way down the aisles to the shelf containing another replica of the stroller, with (name) in tow. Below it were two rows of boxes.

Eren reached out, bending his knees, wrapped his arms around the box and lifted it into the air. With careful feet, he hauled the box toward their trolley and plopped it into the basket. 

“There.” He huffed. He wiped his hands and stared at the box, a twinkle glinted in his eyes, grinning from ear to ear as (name) looked on from the sidelines. 

She approached Eren, a hand to the trolley, the other to her stomach, and studied him. In awe at the way, his eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled and his cheeks carried a gentle, rosy tint when he was excited. His joy was palpable, radiating out from him like a comforting blanket. 

As she gazed at him, (name) felt a deep sense of gratitude. Most women weren’t as lucky as she was, having a man so involved, so excited it’s damn near infuriating. But she cherished his joy, his nervousness, his wonder. He was new to this world, this world of babies, as was she, and whilst at times it was overwhelming, it was beautiful and intriguing to come to learn and to love the little human cocooned inside her belly. 

And as Eren looked up and caught her eye, (name) returned his smile with one of her own. In a silent exchange, they basked in each other’s warmth, arm in arm, sharing each other’s bliss.

[moony-daydream]

tw yapping about bertholdt hoover in 2024

(I'm absolute shit at spelling, sorry in advance)

so I was just parousing along on the interweb trying to find a script for the "Someone find us" monologue/speech (Whatever you want to call it), and I came across a 7 year old reddit thread asking what exactly Bertholdt meant when he asked that. Which totally inspired me to have a complete ball here.

All the comments were saying basically that he meant: find the other warriors in Marley and save them from the fate that we (Bertholdt, Reiner, and Annie, also Marcel but obviously the 104th don't know who Marcel is) had. while I think that's a good guess, and it maybe makes a little sense, i just dont agree at all.

I dont speak japanese so i cant really understand what he meant in the original diologue, even with a translation. The culture of the language is important in knowing implications behind what he's saying outside of the words. My interpretation goes off of the english dub. This whole thing is just me assuming that whoever translated it had some grasp on the cultural differences in language arts and was able to properly convey what was said in japanese to an english audience. If they did it wrong then fuck me. sorry.

in the english dub he says:

"I'm not stupid, I know I have no right to ask for forgiveness, but please, I beg of you. If we were comrades someone find us"

In his monologue he made sure to point out multiple times that he considered every one of the 104th cadet corps to be his actual friend, even though he was a traitor the whole time. Him saying "If we were comrades" is very important in my interpritation of this line, and i have noticed that he doesnt say anything like it in the manga or in the japanese sub. I'm grasping at straws here. I only speak english.

Point -> I think what he was tyring to say is "someone find who you thought we were in the people we actually are"

On the tree with eren and ymir, reiner says something along the lines of "the people you thought we were are dead, they dont exist" but what bertholdt says (also just the actions of the two of them throughout the course of the show) implies that's not exactally the case. hense, "we're not who we said we were, but it wasn't an act".

He's not telling them to find out about what's happening in Marley and stop it, he's not asking them to understand where he is coming from, no.

Find us (reiner and bertholdt) in us (armor and collasal, honorary marleyians)

does this make any since at all . .

[emicczyk]

I think my favorite anime representing freedom is Gintama. (Before someone says something about AOT, in my opinion, Eren will never truly represent real freedom. Just false freedom he imagined for himself and his loved ones).

(Regarding One Piece that is amazing represention, i would love to write about it next time and show how beautiful it is in showing it)

When it comes to anime that represents the concept of freedom, Gintama stands out as a profound yet often overlooked masterpiece, it captures the nuanced, multifaceted essence of freedom in a way that is both unique and deeply human.

Freedom is subjective—its meaning varies from person to person. It’s not always about breaking physical chains or overthrowing oppressive regimes. It’s about finding the strength to live as you wish, embracing what makes you happy, and forging connections with those who make life worth living. Few characters embody this ideal as beautifully as Sakamoto Tatsuma.

Sakamoto’s story is a testament to resilience and the power of self-determination. Once a pacifist who chose to fight in the war against the Amanto, Sakamoto did so not out of obligation but from a deeply personal conviction. Even when his hand was permanently injured, rendering him incapable of wielding a sword—the very symbol of a samurai—he didn’t falter. Instead, he found another path. His dreams of freedom, not just for himself but for Earth and its people, became his guiding light.

Though he couldn’t fight conventionally, Sakamoto redefined what it meant to be a warrior. He took to the stars, becoming a diplomat and a merchant, using his charisma and ideals to build alliances and bring people together. His dream extended beyond borders, beyond Earth itself—his vision of freedom was boundless. To him, freedom was the ability to pursue his dreams without constraint, and he never let go of that.

Gintoki was his motivation, he found a reason, when Gintoki stayed on earth he could catch the stars, he wasn't alone.

What makes Sakamoto’s journey even more inspiring is his unwavering compassion. He didn’t just seek his own freedom; he made it his mission to liberate others. Whether it was freeing slaves and offering them a place in his crew or helping Mutsu break free from her past, Sakamoto consistently showed that freedom isn’t just an individual pursuit—it’s something we share with others. His relationship with Mutsu, in particular, is a beautiful example of how freedom can be transformative when extended to others.

Even after Earth was liberated from the Amanto, Sakamoto didn’t stop. For him, the stars represented endless possibilities. Earth, with its newfound peace, had become too small for his boundless dreams. Yet, he never forgot his friends or his roots, always ready to return and lend a hand when they needed him. His actions show that freedom isn’t about abandoning responsibilities or severing ties—it’s about staying true to your ideals while cherishing the bonds that matter.

Sakamoto isn't bound by a single nation allegiance, or cause, which exemplifies personal freedom that he reached, like he reached to the stars.

Gintama as a whole explores the interconnectedness of freedom and love. Gintoki, at the heart of the series, is a character who embodies this theme. He helps others find their freedom—whether it’s Kagura discovering a new life on Earth, Tsukuyo reclaiming her identity from the confines of Yoshiwara, or Kondo freeing Hijikata from his haunted past. In turn, these bonds give Gintoki his own sense of belonging. Without his friends—Kagura, Shinpachi, the Shinsengumi, Tsukuyo, Sakamoto, Katsura, and so many others—he wouldn’t have a home to return to. Gintama shows that freedom isn’t isolation; it’s the love and connection we find in the people who accept us for who we are.

At its core, freedom is about being true to yourself and pursuing the dreams that set your soul on fire. It’s about having people who support you and a place you can call home—a place you can return to when you need strength. Sakamoto, Gintoki, and the rest of the cast demonstrate that freedom isn’t a destination; it’s a journey, one enriched by love, laughter, and the bonds we form along the way.

It's about doing what makes u happy,

freedom of begin yourself,

freedom of having people you love,

freedom of having dreams and pursuing them.

True freedom is the courage to live authentically, surrounded by those who inspire and uplift you.

[sunflowersunite]

I've been meaning to ask this for some time now, since I've realised as we're working on a fic together that you tend to make little headcanons about the characters here and there.

So I would love to hear some about your fic "to live". I tell you it's a masterpiece and it'd be a crime if you DO have hcs or side notes and you've kept them all to yourself

ohh?? Thank you so much for asking me this, swordslinger!! I maybe kind of have a few, actually...

to anyone interested, the fic is to live, an aot villain AU where Levi never left the Underground and Hange followed a different path. Assassin Levi x torturer Hange (she's a torturer for the Military Police). This post will contain spoilers for the fic.

The first person Levi killed when he became an assassin was the pimp who left his sick mother to die without providing her with any healthcare.

when Levi pushed Hange against that wall, (this is what I'm talking about) he was genuinely impatient and wanted to intimidate her. However Hange's feelings were a little... different. Danger has always exhilarated her and I have to admit that she did think about kissing him right then and there. She knew she'd end up with a knife at her throat but oh well, all the better.

Chapter 5:

“Say you’re sorry.” A pause, during which she imagines his lips pursing into a thin line. “What does it matter if I do?” It does, for the sake of their weird, twisted friendship. Because however little kindness he's got left, he spared some for her. “Just say it, midget.” “Tsk. Dumbass shitty-glasses.” “Stuck-up clean freak.”

this was inspired by Six of Crows and it according to the note I'd initially made, it would go like this: (context, Levi is bedridden, injured and they're bickering because Hange wants to go do murder stuff)

"midget" "shitty-glasses" "clean freak" "Hange. Don't go."

4. I found a fanart that reminded me of the fic and kept it in my notes. torture buddies Levihan here!

5. When Levi adopted Mikasa after her parents died, he really had to be a parent to her. She'd wake up by nightmares and he'd have to?? calm her down?? who, Levi Ackerman??

He was better at it than he expected, though. He wanted her to throw that stupid scarf away because he claimed it provided a grip for any attackers, but she refused (because it's Eren's. Mikasa still remembers Eren as the boy who taught her kindness still exists).

6. In an earlier draft, while hazy from some attack (idk which), Hange was supposed tell Levi that she liked it when he called her by her name, because initially he only referred to her by the infamous nicknames.

Later, Levi would find himself in the same predicament (hazy from an attack) and this would happen

She comes closer and he sees her, worried and bloodstained. “Levi? Are you okay?” “I’m okay.” He wraps a tendril of her hair around his finger. Holds it like a lifeline. “Hange.” “What is it?” “Nothing. You like it when I say your name.” That fact might have been a memory or a dream, but he doesn’t bother trying to figure that out. He's tired. “Don’t fall asleep!” she urges him. “If you keep shouting like this, I can’t,” he mutters.

(well, this might make it into the fic eventually. I don't know 😅)

7. Another deleted scene which I liked very much. They've found themselves in some abandoned village and sleep side by side.

Hange inches closer to him, her hands press against his chest. He finds it rough and calloused from holding hammers and buzzsaws, not swords or scalpels. From creating, not destroying. Levi wishes for the first time that he could do something useful for the kids like the one he used to be, frail and weak and alone. Without being sure why, he snakes an arm around her waist and pulls her closer. Her breath fans over his face and he’s only millimetres away from pressing their foreheads together. It’s a tenderness he feels like they’re stealing from another kinder world. This world is cruel, though, and they know that they’ll be each other’s demise or die trying. I’ll kill you, her kind smile says. The inquisitiveness with which her eye roams his face, the way her hands press on his beating heart. I’ll kill you, I’ll kill you, I’ll kill you. A twisted lullaby. //  She studies his stormy eyes, the smooth bridge of his nose, the line of his mouth. She drinks in every little detail, tries to read his expression. He gives her nothing.

this scene. ohhh I forgot how much I liked it. I got goosebumps. 😄

7. deleted scene #3679 (context: Hange would return to the Scouts here and Levi rode his horse next to her until the camp. It happened a bit differently in the final product)

“Is this goodbye, then?” she asks. “I guess.” She looks like she wants to say something and Levi finds himself once more awaiting her next words with a knot in his stomach. “I never liked goodbyes, you know. Us Scouts never say goodbye, only good luck. So, good luck, Levi. Kick their asses.” The first rays of the morning sun dance around her hair and she looks more like a painting than a person, a painting with soot smudged on her cheeks and a stiff back and an eye the colour of soil and life. Bright and hopeful and alive, that’s what she is. That’s what she deserves to be. Hange’s horse starts to trudge towards the camp, and Levi calls out for her before he can regret it. “Hange!” She stops and looks back. Her name rolls off his tongue as if he’s said it countless times before. It’s familiar, it feels right. And if it takes never saying it again for her to live, maybe it’s okay. “Good luck.”

heyyy I liked this scene too, would you look at that.

8. Levi likes to kiss Hange's neck (I headcanon that for canon as well, but let's mention it here). He's too short to reach her cheek so he just kisses her neck fleetingly when they become canon. Also he likes to cuddle up to her and use her as a pillow.

9. Chapter 3:

The tip of his nose is cute, so mismatched for a murderer like him. That’s what piqued her interest when he pinned her against the wall that first night. Maybe when she kills him, she’ll cut off his nose and preserve it in a jar, it’s too nice to let rot.

fun fact, you have @quillsandblades to thank for that because they were the one who made me not scrap that scene and actually use it somewhere.

10. After Levihan becomes canon and assuming everything works out eventually, Levi becomes the Scouts' scary parent and Mikasa their scary sister. Assassin Levi with Connie and Sasha.

"soo what do you do in your free time?"

"I murder people"

"tight"

11. Kenny ships Levihan. Granted, he did send them after eachother, but chemistry is chemistry and Kenny has eyes.

This turned out to be a compilation of deleted scenes, but it's good that I found an opportunity to share them! If anything else occurs to me I'll let you know 😉

[victorckk]

Sorry for uhh.. not really posting much art, I have NOT had the energy to really do anything because of some things. And I’ve been more fixated on HSR recently.

BUT!! I did redesign my HSR OC while procrastinating to finish the recent mission, so that’s a bonus I think.

Downside is I never want to see another banana or monkey ever again after that. I don’t want to even eat a banana ever again.

—————————

Faris’ updated information:

Element: Ice

Path: Abundance

Pronouns: He/Him

Voice Claim: Bryce Papenbrook (hehe Eren Yeager jokes I’m running out of voice claim options man)

Faris isn’t sure of his origins other than being created by the Aeon of Beauty according to legends that have spread throughout the universe for centuries.

The Knights of Beauty hold Faris in high regards, and a few members have always tried to track him down to serve him. This is due to the rumors that have spread throughout the cosmos; although modern Knights have no lasting proof that he was created by the Aeon of Beauty, they blindly believe it to keep their faith in Idrila alive.

Unbeknownst to most, he is an Emanator of the Aeon of Abundance. He isn’t sure of Yaoshi’s reasoning for gazing upon him, but he likes to believe that it’s so he can see Idrila again, if THEY are even still alive in the first place. Although, it’s led to him feeling trapped between the Abundance and the Beauty; an experience he jokingly describes as “being stuck in a cosmic custody battle”.

Diamond, the highest ranking member of the Ten Stonehearts, offered Faris “protection and more” if he joined the IPC. Faris agreed to the deal, but only because he was unaware that the organization intended to use his Emanator abilities to their advantage.

—————————

Being a well known director across the cosmos constantly searching for inspiration, it’s no shock that Faris and Mr. Reca have crossed paths a few times. The legends surrounding Faris have intrigued the man greatly, so much to the point that he keeps requesting for Faris to be the star in one of his films.

But unbeknownst to Faris, the Memokeeper is more interested in him than in his memories. That doesn’t mean Mr. Reca isn’t interested in those as well, though. The Director’s secondary goal is to search Faris’ memories for any that capture his attention.

—————————

While the main purpose of his journey is to find the Aeon of Beauty, Argenti is also on a quest to track down Faris after hearing the rumors about his supposed identity and origins.

However, Argenti isn’t tracking down Faris to serve him like the rest of the Knights; he believes Faris to be Idrila’s reincarnation instead of creation, so he desires nothing more than to receive Blessings and Recognition from Faris. He is unaware of the man being an Emanator of the Abundance.

—————————

TRVIA

He is immune to Mara, due to being an artificial creation. The only symptom he shows is having memory problems, but not as severe as normal Mara-struck.

He refers to Idrila as his Mother and Father. He refers to Yaoshi as these things too, and he obviously favors The Abundance when using them.

For you dilf likers or whatever. He raised a young Knight at one point shortly after becoming an Emanator. He outlived her, though. He cherishes the memories of her more than anything. Faris even has a huge soft spot for children. He’s 100% a good dad

He is BISEXUAL !! He deserves to be an immortal bicon.

—————————

And because I’m gay and cringe, I WILL find some way to ship him with Reca. I don’t care. Just gotta come up with a cringe ass ship name and everything

[ichijager13]

We got used to us

Paring Eren x reader

Rating : general audiences.

Summary :  You knew you and Eren were bad for each other and that your relationship was unhealthy but that never helped breaking away from him.

Tags: Modern AU, aged-up characters, Angst, unhealthy relationship,

1,2 k words

AN: Guess who's back with a new selfship with Eren Jager story!!

This story is inspired by we got used to us by riverside. I hope you like it.

Everything was falling apart.

You knew that; you could feel him slip from between your fingers, and there was nothing you could do about it.

Unable to sleep, you rolled to your side and watched the man sleeping next to you. His chestnut hair had fallen from his manbun, covering half of his face while the other was buried in his pillow.

Though they were there, clear as day, somehow you never picked up the signs. Neither of you. Instead, you continued, you persevered into hurting one another. Not out of malice or ill intentions, you just thought that was how love worked. You just thought that was the way of the world. Young and foolish, both of you believed you were in love when, in fact, you were just being devoured by pain.

You met Eren four years ago at one of the fraternity parties near your campus. You were a freshman, and he was a senior. It all started with friendly flirting on the veranda while sharing a bottle of cheap wine. Those late-night drunken conversations soon turned into casual hookups and ended up becoming whatever was going on between the two of you.

You had always told yourself that you should’ve noticed that there was something wrong with you. You should’ve known you were bad for each other. You should’ve recognized the telltale signs. Like the time you baked muffins at three a.m. It was so romantic, but you fought the whole time, and ended up going to bed angry at each other. It would’ve been okay if it was something that occurred only once. But then there were other times—plenty of them. Like when you discussed the Higgs boson, or was it chain reactions? You couldn’t tell anymore. Though you knew you were supposed to learn from that conversation and not end up calling each other names and getting into yet another fight in the middle of the night.

You reached out a hesitant hand and pushed back his hair, wondering if this was the right way to love someone. If, in the middle of this chaos you had both created, there was room for happiness. You grazed his cheeks and jawline with the tip of your fingers, trying to find a solution to this dilemma. A way to fix what was broken and damaged.

You thought you were passionate, even though you couldn’t tell love bites from bruises anymore. They meant the same to both of you anyway. You thought it was you against the world, even though you never tried to tend to others wounds. You just continued blaming each other for whatever unhappiness you were dealing with. You thought you were meant to be together, even though all you could remember were the times he made you cry. Or the times you hurt his ego and broke his heart.

You screwed your eyes shut, trying to remember all the moments of intense and pure joy you had shared with him. way before jealousy and possessiveness became a part of your routine. Way before bitterness and disappointment tore you apart. With a broken smile, you recalled the slow dances in the middle of the night to old jazz. You would stand on his shoes with your bare feet and lovingly move across your living room. Those frantic drunken kisses you exchanged under the pouring rain. The lighthearted giggles, the dreams you shared, and the way you used to look at each other.

You took a deep, shaky breath, conjuring yourself to not burst into tears. To not let your weakness show. You begged your eyelids not to give in and let them stream down your crimson cheeks.

Afraid you might wake him up, you cautiously slipped out of bed and locked yourself in the bathroom.

You told yourself that you should’ve known you were a dysfunctional couple when ‘I love you’ became a way of marking territories instead of manifesting feelings. You should’ve known that you were toxic when your bed became a battlefield. When making love was a way to express your frustration and nothing more. You should’ve known that you were done when longing and enamored stares traded places with ones full of hatred and despise.

You let yourself fall to your knees, crying your heart out, crying all the things you would never be, all the happiness you would never experience, and all the hardships you were bound to endure. Pressing your forehead against the cold shower door, you give in to your inner demons and negative thoughts and feelings. You surrender and let the void consume you for good. You had always known that, despite all the odds, your soul was intertwined with his. That even if you tried, you wouldn’t be able to stay away. That you would be leaving half of your being with him if you ever chose to leave. You and Eren were drawn into each other, hypnotized by the darkness you both emitted. You knew that you were far too gone and that it was too late for you to save yourselves.

You kept repeating to yourself that you should’ve left earlier, but you were too addicted, too lost, and too broken to admit that your love had died long ago. That it wasn’t meant to survive and prosper. You were so used to it being poisonous that you thought this was the only possible way to love and be loved by him. You were too numb, too young, and too stubborn to end things. You were so used to you and whatever fragile equilibrium you managed to create over the years.

“But I love him and I need him,” you hiccupped.

The mere thought of not being able to caress his hair as soon as you woke up, not being able to breathe in his comforting scent, not being able to kiss him, and not being able to feel his arms wrapped around you made your heart shatter into millions of pieces.

You were still sobbing when you heard a light knock on the door.

“Is everything alright, love?” you heard him ask from behind the closed door, his voice filled with genuine concern.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you replied with a wobbly voice.

“No, you’re not. Open up,” he insisted.

“Just leave me alone, would you?” you shouted. “Why can’t you just leave me the fuck alone for once?”

“Because I promised to stick by your side and look after you. Now, open the damned fucking door.”

Your trembling hands reached out and unlocked the door. Unable to look him in the eyes, you brought your knees against your chest and hid your face.

“What’s wrong, love?” he asked, looping his arms around your shaken figure. He buried one of his hands in your hair, scratching your scalp gently. The contact of his skin against yours felt so wrong yet so soothing. The warmth radiating from his body eased your soul but made you want to throw up at the same time.

Not knowing what to do, you allowed yourself to melt under his touch. Nestling your face in the crook of his neck, you let his body tour over you. You let him hold you and share your burden. You let him in once again.

Everything was falling apart, but you knew there was no way out.

[jean-vi]

Lie To Me | Levi x Reader

Pairing: Levi Ackerman x Reader Inspiration:  “Chizu ni nai basho e yume wo hasete / Shiharau no wa Risiko der Freiheit” - Jiyuu No Daishou by Linked Horizon Summary: Facing the female titan, you find yourself in a sticky position. Genre: Angst, Fluff (?) Warnings: Major Character Injury, Spoilers for Season 1 of SNK, Most events that occur in this work do not actually occur in the season, but the context is a spoiler. WC: 4.3K A/N: I have been writing fanfic on here for a while under @tae-cup but this is my first AOT Fic. I hope it reads well :) Other: Masterlist

Part 2

    You didn’t think you’d ever get used to riding horses for hours at a time. You understood, fundamentally, that they kept you alive when you were outside the walls, but at the same time, you really did not enjoy the constant jolting. It was truly a beautiful day to be outside, no doubt about it, but maybe this was…a little too outside for comfort. The walls had been your home for many years until you joined the Scout regiment. To be completely honest, it had been a bit of a rash choice, a sort of rebellion against the Military Police that terrorized your family. 

    Your hands gripped the reins with uncertainty. The first time you’d left the walls, all those years ago, you’d been excited. The world felt fresh and new. Now the sky felt like a rotten apple and the people were all the same: excited or nervous recruits and down-trodden experienced soldiers alike. One person caught your eye though. 

    You looked up from the reins to view the people in front of you. Squad Levi. You were a relatively new addition. You were the newest member until the nuisance known as Eren Jaeger joined. It wasn’t that he was particularly annoying, although sometimes his shouting and monologues about freedom did grate on your ears, it was more that he injured himself a lot. You understood the basic fundamentals of his abilities, like being able to heal considerably quicker than a normal human, and regrowing whole limbs wasn’t out of the question either. Being the designated medic, not by choice, you had made a name for yourself by chasing after any squad members who had the slightest ailment. Eren Jaeger? Well, he had lots of them, and it was considerably more draining. 

    The others had laughed and thanked Eren for keeping you off their backs. That was only a few weeks ago. Now, here you were. There was always a grimness to the air on these missions. The usually lively squad was dead silent. The beating hooves of the horses pierced the air. It was too quiet, too calm. 

    Your eyes roved from person to person. You were taking the rear with Eren in front of you. He was just a kid, but he had the stare of someone much older. Next was Petra. She was always a good friend to you. Her smiles and determination brought light into this serious squad. You finally rested your eyes on Captain Levi. 

    At this moment in time, you were having trouble remembering why you were chosen for this team. Still, he had trust in you and so you would have faith in him in return. It was a mutual sort of arrangement. Going into the Scout regiment, you had known some basic first aid. It was a skill taught by your mother. After hearing about your unwavering interest in the Scout Regiment, she had insisted on teaching you the basics. 

    “You can’t stop me.” You hissed. 

    “I know.” Your mother sagged in defeat. “I know you have this–this anger deep inside. I just don’t want you to go into this mess unprepared.” She took your hand and held it firmly. “Let me teach you what I know. I may only be a midwife and I may not be of use to you, but I want you to be of use to others.” 

    You sat down at the dining table and waited as she fetched her bag of tools. 

“And another thing, sweetie,” she whispered as she drew out the needle and thread, “make yourself important, irreplaceable.” 

    A red flare went off, somewhere to your right. A return green flare to your left. 

    “Captain.” Eld called out and the Captain glanced at the flares. 

    “Petra, fire the flare.” He said simply. 

    “Yes, Captain!” The woman responded quickly and sent off the green flare. 

    Well, things were getting interesting. There was already a titan so close. It was a little unnerving. You’d seen scouting missions fall apart before and you really did want this to be the exception. Defeat after defeat. The wounds dragged on. Another set of hoofs joined the marching beat. 

    “Captain Levi, a message!” The new girl shouted as she sidled up to the right of your squad. You observed her carefully. She seemed shaken, but not harmed. The girl was sweating and her hands were gripping the reins too hard to be considered relaxed. 

    “Report.” The Captain commanded. 

    “The right side scouting squads have been decimated! There are huge casualties!” The girl cried. 

    Levi seemed to think for a moment before nodding in the direction of Petra. 

    “Petra, pass on the message.” He commanded. “And thank you for the report.” He addressed the girl who nodded and fell back, racing towards the right. You saw it now; flares screeching into the sky, puffing black smoke. 

    “An abnormal this far in?” You wondered aloud and you had been with the team long enough to see the tell-tale signs of distress. Still, Levi remained a statue-like figure. His head barely turned in the direction of the flares. 

    “The formation has fallen apart. We have no choice but to divert to a more advantageous position.” Levi responded after a short pause. You then sense the shake of the new recruit ahead.

    You considered yourself pretty straight-laced and a person who was rather blunt. However, you didn’t exactly lack human compassion, which you speculated that the Captain in front did. It wasn’t that he didn’t care for human life, it was evident that he did based on his role in the regiment, but he didn’t react much to anything. This stone cold expression of his definitely paid off when you asked for his help in the medical ward. 

    “Hey.” You pulled up next to Eren. His face was downcast and his eyebrows were sinched together. “We’ll find your friends.” 

    It was a promise that was more than likely false. You had wanted to say that they would be alright, but that was certainly a lie. Eren’s expression was that of a boy who was already imagining his friends dead. You didn’t want to see those thoughts come to fruition, they were children after all, but this world was cruel in the worst ways. 

    “I told you to stop saying things like that.” Levi spoke and there was something in his vocal fry that made your heart quicken. 

    “I know, but remember what I said?” 

    The man thought for a moment and then dipped his head. “Continue.” 

    A few weeks earlier

    Levi had always been a good steady hand and a calming presence. It was probably what first drew you to asking him to assist you after missions. You felt a little guilty asking an already exhausted man to continue to work, but he had agreed. He was rather apathetic but he worked diligently. 

    “You told that man that he would be okay.” Levi seemed perplexed, truly, as he looked towards the corpse on the ground. “You shouldn’t lie to the dying, so why?”

    “I don’t know.” Was your first response. It was something you seemed to say often with the man, but this time you took a moment to ponder his question fully. “I guess when a person is forced to deal with death and the inevitable pain, they need to be told lies to keep themselves sane.” Then you took a deep breath. “In less metaphorical terms, in order to keep them on our side until the end, they need to feel secure.”

    Your hands were shaky after long missions or stressful days with lots of patients. The day was just winding down now and it was another heartbreaking loss. Less and less soldiers seemed to come back alive and intact lately. It was mentally and physically draining to care for the wounded, but for some reason, Levi kept coming back. He would hand you the needle and thread and when your eyelids began to droop, he’d finish the job for you. It wasn’t in any gentle or particularly caring way. He’d take the needle and thread, as if commanding you to sleep. But you never could sleep. You’d drift in and out of consciousness sitting on the ground nearby. Tonight was one of those nights. 

    “Get some sleep.” He said quietly as he finished and fixed your rough stitching job. It had been hurried because the soldier was bleeding quickly. Now, the table was covered in blood and you couldn’t stand looking at his disfigured body any longer. You’d saved his life, but he’d never walk again. 

    “I can’t sleep on nights like these.” You responded gruffly. You were stubborn and Levi shared this trait. 

    “I know that, but you need to be able to properly treat people tomorrow. They need your best mind.” 

    You paused and then frowned, shutting your eyes in thought. “So you save the lives of humanity by getting four hours of sleep, right?” 

    “I am here to save myself and only myself. I can get by on four hours. You, on the other hand, are stupidly trying to save the lives of all these dying soldiers. It is a pursuit that will lead you nowhere.” He snipped the thread and set his hands down on the table with a heavy sigh. You ignored his scorn for your current occupation and decided to rest your head against the cold stone.  

    “You say you’re only here to save yourself, and yet you have so little regard for your own life?” You said softly, on your way to dreamland. You heard the soft fabric of his clothes rustle and you felt his gaze slip to your face. The glance was fleeting and warm, but he remained focused on the task at hand.

    “There are some people I can not bring back. I should have died with them years ago, and although they want me to lay them to rest, I will continue to cruelly live on in their name. It is purely selfish.” He responded. 

    You thought on his words for a moment. Levi seemed the opposite of selfish to you. 

    “Some would call that selfless.” You shrugged before the night took you away.

    “My friends.” He was muttering to himself. 

    “Eren.” You tilted your head down to look him in the eyes. “Don’t worry. We will find them.” You’d probably be finding their bodies and even that would be a miracle. With how close the titan had reached, you doubted a bunch of recruits would be able to stand a chance. “And if they’re injured, you know I’ll fix them right up.” You assured further. 

    The boy looked away and you took that as your cue to fall back. Still, even if he didn’t fully believe your lie either, it was something to convince himself of. Captain Levi spared you a glance. You went back to dreaming. You day dreamed about what your life could have been like. You imagined a world where titans no longer terrorized humanity. Would you have still chosen the path of medicine if it weren’t needed for your survival? Would you have…fallen in love? Maybe a doctor or a nurse you worked with? Maybe a stranger you’d met at the market? What did all this daydreaming do you anyway. It wasn’t going to change the situation. 

    “Captain, I hear something.” Oluo shouted. 

    Levi looked behind him and, of course, everyone else followed suit. There was a thud, but it was faint and seemed so far away. In the distance, behind, was a tiny dot. It was moving at an alarming rate, though. 

    “Is that–” You started.

    “ –the abnormal?” Petra finished as you both stared in horror. 

     The Captain gave away nothing. 

    “We continue riding forward.” He insisted and you usually trusted the man but this was absurd. The forest was out of the way and more of a barrier than anything else. It just made no sense. Then it hit you. The useless ODM gear currently strapped to you would become a lethal weapon in the forest. 

    “Understood.” You replied, but you truly did understand this time. 

    “Captain! We could have saved them!” Eren screamed as the soldiers zipping through the trees were swatted out of the sky. This titan really was terrifying. You’d never seen one that looked like it before. Despite being at the back of the formation, you remained vigilant in looking straight ahead. You probably trusted a self-appointed “selfish” man far too much. 

    Eren’s exclamations were becoming more desperate. 

    “There’s another dead.” The boy cried and it did tug at the heart strings. 

    “Eren,” You began, “I work with the dead all day, every day.” You felt the listening ears of your teammates, even Levi, especially Levi. “I know their deaths were violent, but they were quick.” You continued and you heard another crunch. God, you were really sick of people dying. You could feel your eyes wetting as the slaughter continued behind you, but you refused to let tears fall. With a steely determination, you stared straight ahead. “It is much better than suffering a slow, painful, death later on a table in a strange room.” 

    “I agree.” Levi added and your eyes fell on the back of his head. He was so calm and reserved in a time where even Eld was nervous. “Cover your ears.” 

    You had just enough time to register his words and mindlessly react. 

    Bang!

    For some reason, you saw him watching you as the world exploded in light. 

    “Did we really capture it?” You asked, waiting for anyone to answer. 

     “It would appear that way.” Petra murmured. 

    “You guys leave, switch to ODM gear.” Levi instructed. “Get Eren to HQ as fast as possible.” 

    “Yes, Sir!” You all replied in unison. You unstrapped the small medical bag from your horse and wrapped it around your shoulders. 

    The Captain disappeared from sight. You switched to your ODM gear, flying from tree to tree. Everything was moving so quickly and the green of the forest hid most of the sunlight. However, a movement caught your eye. 

    “The traitor.” You heard Eren hiss. That’s when you saw them. The Scout Regiment logo felt wrong to be displayed on a traitor to humanity. 

    “Move! Move! They’re closing in!” Eld shouted and you began to weave through the trees. 

     “Gunther!” Petra screamed and you knew. You knew what happened. Fuck. You didn’t want to see the body of a person you just saw yesterday, but you needed to. You looked back and you acknowledged him. He hung lifelessly, swinging like a pendulum. 

     “Go! Go! Go!” Eld continued and you followed. It wasn’t your business for heroics. 

     Then, a flash of yellow light, like lightning striking. You couldn’t hold back a surprised scream now. Shielding your eyes, you felt your hair sizzle and the air pop. Then, like something out of your worst nightmares, the titan was there. She was fast and agile. Her movements were unlike any other titan you’d seen or killed, but you supposed this was unlike any other mission you’d been on. 

     “I’ll kill her, once and for all.” Eren screamed to Eld as he raised his hand to his mouth. 

    “Stop!” Your eyes widened and you felt breathless. “Please, just let us handle it. We’re the best, after all.” You tried to reason with him. 

     “Trust us.” Petra nodded. 

    Eren looked from you to your squad to the titan. The titan was closing in and you didn’t have much time left. 

    “Trust us.” You pleaded. If Eren transformed, it put so much at risk. You couldn’t risk him getting taken. 

    “Okay.” He finally said and you all breathed a collective sigh of relief. He turned and zipped ahead. “I trust you.”

    You watched his figure fading into the distance as you and the others began your assault. Eld moved in to distract. The wind was rushing in your ears as you positioned yourself on a tree. You didn’t have quite the kill count as the others, but you understood the basics. Petra and Oluo sliced into the titan’s eyes, causing the monster to stumble back into the tree. 

    “It’s protecting its nape!” You shouted and you flew in to join the fray. You hooked onto its ligaments and began slicing. The tendons in the arms were gone and the shield on her nape dropped. You hesitated to celebrate as the others looked on in victory. They wanted the killing blow. 

    After seeing and hearing the cries of all those soldiers she’d killed, you wanted to slaughter her too. You could feel their pain fueling you to push on, even as your gut began to sink. It was just too easy. 

    “Strike the neck, now!” Eld yelled his war cry and you hooked onto her nape to join him. The female titan lunged. You pulled back with a scream, but Eld was already bit in two. Blood began to stain the grass. No. 

    “Eld!” You screeched. You watched as his body fell. No medical miracle could bring that back to life. You frantically turned to the others. “We need to regroup!” 

    “It’s–It’s impossible.” Petra was muttering as she flew away from the titan. “It’s only been 30 seconds or so. That’s just not–” 

    “Petra!” Oluo warned, but it was too late. Blood splattered on a tree. 

    “No, no, no.” You whispered as you retreated. 

    “I’ll kill you.” Oluo went in for the exposed nape. Your eyes widened. 

    “Wait! Stop!” You shouted, but it didn’t matter. You’d never seen a human kicked that hard or that far, but Oluo was gone on impact, you knew that from the sickening crunch. There was no way. All of squad Levi? Gone? 

    You landed on the grass. You felt numb as you stared into the face of the titan. Falling to your knees, you looked up to the sky, past where her form blocked the sun. Maybe, in this giant forest, it wouldn’t be such a bad place to die. You’d be with your comrades. You dropped your medical bag and accepted this fate. The female titan stared down at you and then her hand was wrapped around your body. Her grip was so tight, you felt your bones cracking like sticks and now you screamed in agony. 

    “You killed them!” You were a mess. Tears were running down your face and now you couldn’t breathe. You came face to face with the female titan. Her hair covered her blind eye. 

    A blinding light and Eren had abandoned the plan. You felt the pressure on your body ease up and then suddenly, you were falling. You had no time to grapple to any trees. You just plummeted to the ground. 

     The air left your lungs and every breath, every movement, every shake of the ground, hurt. On a scale of 1 to 10? This was a 10. The two titans were fighting and their rumbling moved farther away. You almost wanted to thank Eren. Now, you’d be able to die in peace. 

    Captain Levi. 

    The whole squad was wiped out in one go. You didn’t have it in you to sit up, so you lay with your back tucked between the grasses. It wasn’t long after the explosion of light that you noticed a familiar figure flying through the trees. 

    Levi had come to a stop above Petra’s body. You were in blinding pain, but you needed to get his attention before he left. 

    “Captain.” You choked out, but for some reason, he heard you. He turned to you and jumped down from the tree. His feet landed softly next to you and he didn’t hesitate to kneel beside your body. His rough, but nimble, hands circled yours. The Captain could have said any number of things, but chose these:

    “Do you want to be saved?” It was simple. He was giving you the option to die peacefully with your comrades or be saved. You usually couldn’t read Captain Levi very well, but when you looked at his face, finally, you were taken aback. 

    Anger. His mouth, set in an ever-present line, was now tilted into a frown. His eyebrows were pushed together ever so slightly and his eyelids dropped into a killer gaze. You had wondered at his emotional capacity for years now, but with this single gaze, you understood him. You understood how he needed to protect himself from the death that surrounded him. You refused to be another comrade that he’d be haunted by at night. Looking at the sky, you realized you had a long life ahead of you. Now was not your time to die. 

    You had your answer, and it was for, just as he said, purely selfish reasons. You couldn’t muster the energy to move or speak, but your eyes slid over to your fallen medical bag. And now Levi had his answer too. You wanted to say you saw him breathe a sigh of relief, but it was probably an illusion. 

    “Don’t worry, you’ll be okay.” He parroted your blissful lie as he grabbed the bandages from the bag.

    You found the nerve to speak with that comment. “Maybe you were right. Lies don’t help the dying much. We know it’s over.” 

    “You are not ‘the dying.’” He bit back with a deadly tone. You didn’t flinch. Instead, you wanted to laugh. He finished the wrapping and sat back. “I don’t know what else to do.” He finally admitted. 

    Your gaze moved to the treetops. Everything was fading and going in and out of darkness. 

    “Nothing else you can do.” You mustered. “I’m probably bleeding internally. I’ll die before leaving this forest.” 

    “You will not.” The man said quietly and when he stood, he stared down at you with an incredulous expression. “Why do you accept your death so easily? You will survive and you will live until you are old. Do you hear me, idiot?” 

    You smiled as your eyes slid closed. “I hear you, Captain.” 

    A Few Days Later

    The last remaining member of Squad Levi. You lifted your hand gingerly and stared at the wrappings. They were clean, fresh. That must be good. You watched the dust particles filtering through the sunlight streaming in. A roof. That was a good sign. You were in a bed. Also a good sign.

    “Don’t move.” A harsh voice commanded, but your lips pulled into an easy smile. 

    “Captain, I wasn’t aware you cared so much.” 

    “Do you know how hard it is to deal with all those injured scouts when you get yourself injured?” Levi was sitting in an armchair in the corner of the room. His legs were stretched out lazily as he reclined, one hand nursing a steaming teacup. “Don’t do it again.” He took a sip. 

    “Yes, sir.” You grumbled and dropped your hand. The man got up and moved to the side of the bed, where you could see him better. 

    “We are now the only members of the Special Operations team.” 

     You tilted your head back and stared at the wooden beams. What were their last thoughts? Last sight? Probably the forest floor and trees the size of castles. That forest was littered with bodies now. It felt like a terrible nightmare. 

     “I am hardly special enough for any ‘Special Operations.’” You countered. “Why do you even want me on the team?” 

    He gave you a blank stare, which was a common occurrence. “Because you were on it before and you’re alive and breathing.” Levi reasoned. 

    “I think I should switch to being a medical helper instead, full time.” 

    “Why are you arguing with me, idiot?” He frowned. “You are a part of Squad Levi still and you always will be. That’s how it works here.” 

    “I could just get myself thrown out.” You chuckled. 

    “And I’d just argue that you stay, like last time.” 

    The conversation fell silent. Then you shifted to look out the window. “I care for this team, a lot, but there is no team left.” You sighed. “I guess that only leaves me to care for you, Captain.” 

    You heard his footsteps and he was now in front of the window, just staring at you. His usually intimidating gaze was gone. 

    “I wouldn’t have saved you if I didn’t care either.” He stated simply and leaned against the window sill. The light fell so perfectly on his face, highlighting the curve of his mouth, the sharpness of his eyes. 

    “I would have saved you, too.” You added. 

    “You would save everyone if you could.”

    “And you wouldn’t?” 

    “I save people I think I can save.” He shrugged. His grip tightened on the edge of the window. “I don’t know why I saved you. I was sure you were going to die, and maybe I should have let you.” 

    You pressed your lips together. “I’m still glad you lied to me. I will be truthful in saying that I asked you to save me for purely selfish reasons.” 

    “I guess we have that in common.” The Captain crossed his arms. Your eyes widened and he tilted his head. “Did I say something amiss?” 

    “No I–” You stopped yourself. “I just didn’t realize you cared.” 

    “If I didn’t care, why would I spend all those nights with you, fixing up the worst injuries I’ve seen?” 

    “Because you care about…human life?” 

    “Because I care about you, idiot.” He said roughly and moved to your bedside. The man took your hand in his and it was eerily reminiscent of the forest. You could almost smell the dirt. 

    “Maybe I care about you too.” You finally said and he dropped your hand. His face fell back into its usual stone-cold expression. His only acknowledgement was a dip in his head.

    “Get some rest.” He said bluntly and headed for the door.

    “You as well, Captain.” 

    He let his hand brush against the door frame for a moment and then left. A fleeting ghost. A vision. You wished you could hold onto his hand for a just a bit longer. It was nice to be in good company. 

To be continued...?

[sienne-k]

nine to five (don't ask about the overtime) by Sienne

attack on titan | ereri | 4k chap 1/3 | fluff, humor, office au, modern au, established relationship

with art made by lovely mathi here on tumblr and also here on twitter!

summary:

“What about you, Eren?” He jerked a little in his seat, suddenly brought back out of his head to the situation at hand. “Huh?” “What about you? We’ve been talking non-stop about ourselves, and this is your first time. You must have a lot pent up. Feel free to vent!” Petra smiled at him encouragingly. Eren opened and closed his mouth like a fish, trying to find anything to complain about. Looking around at all the expectant faces around him, he bit back his initial impulse to say ‘Oh, there’s nothing at all, I’m very happy actually!’ He felt surrounded and those nice, smiling faces began to look increasingly sinister in his eyes. He got the impression that saying positive things about his partner to this particular crowd in this specific situation may not be the best idea. “Umm…” he stammered, eyes jumping from side to side looking for inspiration. When his gaze fell on the teeth marks on his straw, he blurted out, “He kisses me too roughly?!” or: eren accepts a girls-only night out invitation from his coworkers to talk about their partners with the assumption that 'talking about' means 'gushing mushily'... he was very much mistaken. and then he suffers for it.

snippet (not whole chapter) under the cut!

Eren dunked his head further and slurped his smoothie with eyes set firmly on the table, trying very hard to make himself inconspicuous. He had been successful until now - for a very long two hours with no escape in sight yet - but it would not do to grow complacent. He had been taught better.

“And just imagine, I get home after eight grueling hours at work - and it was grueling, I had three meetings, one of which was with Mrs. Garret,” Rico waved her hand wildly above her head, the green liquid sloshing dangerously in the cup she was holding, “and I don’t expect much! Just a simple dinner, or maybe the sink empty from dishes for once,” she continued, her voice full of longing as every woman sat around the table nodded furiously in solidarity, “but no! Instead I come home and find he’d also only just got home, from a walk with the dog! Both of them were muddy like they had been wrestling on wet ground, so there was no dinner, but there was a sink full of dishes, and a needy dog and husband dirtying the floor waiting for me after work! Even though he had the day off,” she finished, almost panting, her free hand clenched in a tight fist.

There were outraged gasps all around, as the women listened to the rant with rapt attention. Petra patted Rico’s fist in a consoling manner, but her comforting smile looked strained instead, eyes slightly glazed over with a maniacal gleam that meant she was plotting murder. Louise grimaced as if she bit on a lemon, either reminiscing of a similar [moment] that also had happened to her or inwardly swearing off marriage forever.

“I would have left home and not come back until it was cleaned,” growled Nifa, eyes narrowed.

Various noises of accord rose around the table. Nifa’s eyes met Petra’s. They nodded at each other once, sharply; clearly, a pact had been made to get revenge for Rico and to straighten Mr. Brzenski out. Eren would have pitied the man, if only he hadn’t behaved like an utter asshole.

“Listen to what I have to put up with,” said Louise in a low, defeated voice. “We had one round of sex — very good sex, may I add — and I was so ready for round two,” Eren raised his head at this and nodded along, for once fully understanding, “but then he just patted me on my head sighing how good it was, and then turned around on his side and fell asleep! And,” she looked everyone in the eye, heightening the suspense, “he did not even wash up after! Or ask if I needed anything! Just grabbed the whole blanket for himself and conked out! I was dirty with his jizz and my legs were not working and yet I had to drag myself to the bathroom on my own! Not even fully satisfied!”

Everyone, including Eren, cringed. No one liked the feeling of dried, clumpy cum on their skin.

Eren put his head back down, disappointed, busying himself with his drink again. He despaired of his decision to come along, yet how could he have known it would turn out like this? When he had received the invitation — a written one! official! on paper! — he’d had a very different impression of what the meeting would entail.

“This is very good and all, but hear me out,” said Petra, slamming her palm flat on the table and making the glasses shake. Then she launched into a diatribe about Auruo’s many failures as a partner.

This, at least, Eren had expected. Petra’s relationship with Auruo was confusing; on the surface it seemed like they did not even like each other, arguing like cats and dogs in the office all day long. Well, it wasn’t Eren’s business, and somehow it must have been working out for them if they have stayed together for so long. He was only thankful that they were in different departments…

It was Petra, actually, who had invited Eren to this outing. She had sauntered over to him, almost dancing, a wide smile deepening her dimples. If it were a manga, there would have been bubbles and sparkles all around her.

“There’s this girls-only meet up we do once a month,” she had said conspiratorially, leaning forward over his desk. “Wanna come?”

Eren hadn’t been sure how he, a man, factored into a ‘girls-only’ event; Petra had only laughed at his confused face.

“We will be talking about our partners, that’s why we thought to invite you. I figured you could do with a bit of a sympathetic ear since we all know what Senior Managing Director Levi can be like.” She had squeezed his shoulder for some reason, her smile softening into something warm and comforting.

Eren was no stranger to spending time with women; in fact, with the exception of Armin and now also Levi, the people he was the closest to were all women. So he had agreed easily, never one to decline an opportunity to talk about the love of his life. Especially since lately Armin had started changing the topic of the conversation the moment he saw the dopey look on Eren’s face (which, according to him, was the herald of a long speech on Levi’s many virtues, as Eren perceived them).

Mikasa had also started hanging up as soon as Levi’s name left his lips, and Historia would just take a deep breath and extol Ymir’s qualities in a voice loud enough to talk over him. At this point. his mom was the only one still willing to sit through a whole conversation —monologue, really— on the subject. She was always missing her children and wanting to make the most of the time when they would finally visit, so she wouldn’t refuse him regardless of his choice in topic. Although even she had started making a pained grimace when Eren really got going, begging her husband with her eyes for help.

Thus, Petra’s invitation had seemed like a perfect opportunity for him.

Now he knew better.

“…and he didn’t dust the tops of the bookshelves like I asked! He knows I can’t reach them even from the step ladder!!!” Petra finished her story with fire in her eyes, hands slapping the table with enough force to make all the glasses and cups jump.

Everyone scrambled to save their beverages while Eren leaned back, his own drink protected by the steel grip he had been keeping on it since the first person started their rant. As the table stopped shaking, slowly the chatter and complaints picked up again, leaving him no choice but to retreat inside his own head once more.

“Well, Nicholas keeps leaving dirty mugs wherever he used them last. We have a dishwasher, he could at least put it inside!”

“—and all the planning and booking is always somehow left to me, with barely an opinion from him—”

“He never folds the laundry or even just puts it away in the closet, just takes it out of the machine and dumps it all in a pile on the nearest bed or sofa!”

“I keep finding empty containers in the fridge or in the sweets drawer, is it so hard to just throw it away when he’s done?!”

On and on it went, and while Eren was at first sympathetic to everyone’s troubles, after a while he was dumbfounded and then kind of numb. it was surprising how… annoying all of these partners his coworkers were speaking of were. No wonder they needed to meet once a month to vent, if stuff like this was a regular occurrence for them. If Eren had such problems with his partner, no doubt he would be ranting as well. Although perhaps he would have long ago just punched the asshole in the face for the trouble.

Thankfully, Eren’s partner was Levi Ackerman. And it seemed like he had unwittingly hit upon a golden hen, so to speak. The man was very conscious of hygiene and cleaning in general, had a healthy sex appetite that never left Eren wanting, and gave him enough attention and affection whenever he thought Eren might need it.

That last part had surprised Eren when they first started their relationship. Levi, while forward, had never been the warmest person around; quite the opposite, in fact. And he still wasn’t — Levi had admitted it was something he didn’t have much experience and so struggled with many times previously. Yet he had decided to make an effort for Eren because he wanted him to be happy, and clearly affection was what made Eren the happiest, the most content. Trying to change his behavior hadn’t been easy, but Levi kept at it and slowly he grew more comfortable with showing affection, to the point that now he didn’t need to consciously think of ways to be affectionate and make Eren happy, it just came naturally.

He still wasn’t very verbal in conveying his love, but Eren didn’t mind; he didn’t need to hear those words often. Not when Levi greeted him with homemade dinner after overtime or a late night out with friends, or how every so often he bought spontaneous gifts because they made him think of Eren; not when he gave him sweet and passionate kisses, penetrating him with a gaze full of intent, and always offered a warm and comforting embrace and an attentive audience to any troubles. Eren had more than enough evidence of Levi’s feelings lingering in every corner of their life together.

“What about you, Eren?”

He jerked a little in his seat, suddenly brought back out of his head to the situation at hand. “Huh?”

“What about you? We’ve been talking non-stop about ourselves, and this is your first time. You must have a lot pent up. Feel free to vent!” Petra smiled at him encouragingly.

Eren opened and closed his mouth like a fish, trying to find anything to complain about. Looking around at all the expectant faces around him, he bit back his initial impulse to say ‘Oh, there’s nothing at all, I’m very happy actually!’

He felt surrounded and those nice, smiling faces began to look increasingly sinister in his eyes. He got the impression that saying positive things about his partner to this particular crowd in this specific situation may not be the best idea.

“Umm…” he stammered, eyes jumping from side to side looking for inspiration. When his gaze fell on the teeth marks on his straw, he blurted out, “He kisses me too roughly?!”

For all that he spoke loud enough it was almost a shout it came out more like a timid question rather than a confident statement.

“Aww, poor baby,” cooed Nifa. “Levi should know better than to treat a young lover so forcefully! He should give you enough space so you could lead and let him know what you’re comfortable with, not just bulldoze you over with his own desires!”

Clearly, he had given them all a wrong impression of himself… He did not mean to seem like a waif in distress, but it was too late. Only Petra had a surprised look, though after a while it turned more thoughtful. ‘Oh no,’ Eren despaired, ‘please don’t believe it, Petra! Please don’t stop treating me as you used to!’

There was one person who did not join in the general sympathy. Louise glowered at him, biting into her straw bitterly. “I would love to be kissed roughly.” Her mutters were low enough to get drowned under the sympathy the other women were showering him with, but not enough that he couldn’t hear.

‘Bitch, same,’ Eren thought sullenly, not at all happy at how the situation turned out. But he could not very well go back on his words as they surely wouldn’t believe him, nor could he confess that in all actuality he relished those moments Levi put aside his loving care and simply took from Eren what he wanted, sure that his advances would not be refused (and rightfully so).

At least it seemed he got off lightly with the interrogation. He could breathe freely once more as the attention moved to the next victim, his coworkers’ fiery discussion of Levi’s supposed savagery and mercilessness drawing to a close.

Next time he would come better prepared, now that he knew what this was all about. And he would not make a fool of himself, or make himself into something he wasn’t. Besides, it was a casual meeting between coworkers-cum-friends (hopefully, on Eren’s side), there was nothing to be afraid of here. It wasn’t like it would affect his life at work in any way, as everyone present was scattered across departments. Levi himself worked in a different one from Eren, too.

He missed Petra observing him thoughtfully, not participating in the conversation anymore.

[aengelren]

I’ve gotten this asked a couple of times, so I’ll pin it as an answer to why I love Eren so much.

Happy birthday, Eren

Pinned

A few years ago, I tried to convince my brother to watch Brooklyn nine nine. He told me he’d watch one episode in exchange of me watching an episode of Attack on titan. Reluctantly, I gave in, and the rest is history. The ups, downs, tears, laughter I’ve experienced with this story is beyond what I expected that night. But the thing I’ll hold most precious, is finding Eren: my favorite character of all time.

He’s so full of emotions and he expresses them so vividly, it made it hard not to feel for him. I was immediately beholden by him. From that very first episode. In shock over his strong morality, the questions he had about the world. About his existential view of it. “Life has no meaning? I’ll create my own.” How he felt so strongly about his rights, about being caged, but mostly, how he acted upon those thoughts. It was simply inspiring. Not the actions itself, but how he went through hell and back for his goals. With his will alone. He wasn’t made that way, or taught that was. It’s his very nature. “I’ve always been me…”

Does freedom have morality? I saw an Aot analysis asking this great question. Is Eren not free because his freedom doesn’t align with your definition of it? It doesn’t matter that I disagree with his view, it’s his. And his blatant pursuit for it makes him free. He’s never been held back by authority, fear. While other people run from titans, Eren hurls himself towards them. Whereas a “normal” human usually has to fight to keep going, Eren always fights to hold back. He’s in a constant state of wanting to go all out, a maximalist. He learns to control his urges, to embrace his destructive nature and go after his desires. Even though he KNOWS they are wrong. But they feel right for him, so he’ll do it. He cries for his victims, yet he still kills them. He never denies being a monster, like Levi said in s1, “he can’t be caged. He will never submit to anyone.” Imagine being so free that no amount of destruction or judgment can change the path you want to follow. Having thousands of years worth of pain impose your brain in form of memories, messes you up. But even with all that, he kept moving forward. Making his limited time alive account for something instead of sitting back, accepting fate. Following the battle of Eren vs himself, exploring his hypocritical, contradicting, sympathetic mind, has been an absolute pleasure. I don’t think you can learn enough.

You know how you wish you didn’t care about what people thought of you? Or social norms? He never did. Even from a young age. The way his mind works and how he never shy’s away from his beliefs. There are many parts of Eren I look up to. Like how he’s always a raw version of himself. There are also many traits of his that I relate to. His anger, grief, his self hatred. The part I can’t relate to is the sheer willpower he has. Eren is a literal physical manifestation of pursuing his will. Not naturally intelligent like Armin, not physically strong like Mikasa. He moves forward, alone, only through the strength of his mind. He grew up in a loving home, yet killed ruthlessly as a kid. It’s the ultimate discussion about Nature vs nurture. I know he helped a lot of people like he did with me, the level of nuances are insane and there’s tons to discuss. But I just wanted to talk a bit about why i love him so much, even if it’s just for myself. One thing that i know many of us can relate to is how lonely Eren felt through his hardest times. Yes, he was surrounded by people but no one ever asked him what was wrong, even though he had visibly changed. And even though being alone is “what he wanted, we all know he wouldn’t mind a shoulder to cry on. Everyone has a limit. (My love for him is limitless.) There’s nothing I don’t appreciate about his character. Happy birthday, Eren ♡

[firefly--bright]

all my daughters.

jean kirstein x gender neutral!reader (modern au)

summary : the crushing weight of everything and everyone changing is a bit too much. jean wants to bear the burdens with you.

warnings : hurt/comfort, mostly just therapy for my crumbling mental state, amateur symbolisms (?), established relationship, no use of y/n (im trying smth new) not proofread!!!!!

a/n : this is kinda like flaws but worse? idk I just needed to write something to comfort me and I'll be nothing if I don't use my writing to fix me <3 anyway! self projection as always but I love you if you relate to this and I'm always here to listen if you need someone to talk to. I'm also probably gonna take a hiatus after this fic but we'll see (I'm here to talk to regardless of that!) <3 i honestly don't expect this fic to get that much traction but anyway! enjoy!

taglist : @holding-ishu-and-a-book , @mrsnobodynobody

masterlist is linked in pinned post! ✿ requests for jean kirstein are open! ✿ enter my taglist ✿

inspired by these songs : all my daughters (demo) by dodie

ajib dastan hai yeh by Lata Mangeshkar

you were used to contradictory sentences. double negatives that were only meant to confuse you, double positives that you thought meant anything but, adorned with a sarcastic smile and a roll of the eyes that left you needing to figure the meaning out yourself.

jean was a walking contradictory sentence. he was a walking double negative, one that you didn't know how to understand. he was blunt but sweet, cold and warm, never being in one spot with his feelings, always on his feet but not running away. somehow he stayed.

all your friends were moving on. every one - sasha was moving out with her boyfriend niccolo, a chef who she had become extremely close to over the past year and who treated her in the highest of regards. your other roomate, Mikasa, was also moving out, but not with her boyfriend, eren, as you had suspected but instead for a chase of starting a new flourishing business of selling handcrafted oxidised jewellery online. that and being closer to eren, she had explained to both you and sasha.

Marco wasnt moving, per say, but he was already applying for his masters in law to broaden his perspective, and there was a prospect of him going abroad for his soon to approach future. he was currently visiting his extended family. Connie, surprisingly, was the first of your friend group to actually get a job at a marketing firm, and even if it was sort of exhausting, people praised Connie's charms and puns that made people buy the products. he was also helping Mikasa with her business, alongside eren and armin.

jean, currently making dinner for the pair of you in your mostly empty apartment, was also interning for an architectural firm. well, he hadn't started yet, but he did get accepted with the interview he gave last month.

and you? even though you were currently looking for new roomates to occupy the now empty spaces in the apartment, you felt lost. sure, you had a plan, and had also applied for a handful of internships, but that didn't mean you knew what you were doing.

you were used to keeping things and people in boxes. it started ever since you were in middle school and had just heard about books like Harry Potter and divergent, books that had a clear distinction of which people belonged where. you'd define people with those distinctions so it was easy to figure them out; it was easier to think of someone in a faction or Hogwarts houses or godly parent instead of actually trying to figure them out with all their complexeties. eventually it graduated into astrological signs that were probably all bullshitted anyway, and into MBTI types. there was always an explanation for something, and if it wasn't given them you'd find it out for yourself as you always had. but you couldn't go by those simple classifications anymore. they were too narrow and too claustrophobic.

but you also hated too-wide expanses that came with simply existing. the expanse of your unknown lifespan, the limitlessness of unlimited time, the enormous amount of things you had yet to learn. it was easy to get lost in nothing. how did your friends and family and all the people around you ever manage to make a clear path for themselves with a multitude of stops and landmarks when you didn't even have the basic gravel and stone and concrete to get started on making a road for yourself? would you be yet another chapter that ended in a fullstop in their thick books that they'd flip away from? the change - the uncertain steps - were never something you looked forward to.

helping mikasa and sasha move out was a challenge, another full stop in their books, helping Connie by teaching him how to properly format professional emails was another landmark that he passed, seeing Marco off at the airport before he caught his flight was another certain step.

the wide tumultous blue of the sea that you were floating in and it's unnerving depth used to be somewhat manageable. you had been swimming with your friends for a long time until your fingertips got all shriveled up, but now it seemed as though they had all swam away from you and towards a shore they were looking forward to, but you werent. the horizon line was all you could see, and you dared not to open your eyes underwater to see how deep the water was.

you were happy for them, ofcourse you were. you loved them with all your heart, and sections of your essential heart were left only for them with their names carved into the ridges of your brain. but the change was too much, too empty, too wide, too limitless, too uncertain.

a knock on the wood of your bedroom door made you turn your swivel chair towards the noise, and jean stood there against the doorframe, leaning on it. "dinner's ready. didn't know which movie to watch, though." he said, and only half of his words are registered by your ears.

you nod, your lips quirking up only slightly. "I'll be there in a bit," you say, watching Jean's brows knit closer together. you loved the way his forehead crinkled in obvious worry and concentration, but you didn't have the tongue to speak out your admirations.

he tilts his head. ever the observant, he asks, "what's wrong?"

his tone is patient. his words demand acknowledgement.

you sigh a little, knowing you can't hide anything from him. you thanked that quality of his, even if it was a little inconvenient at times, because his unrelenting persistence was the reason you felt so loved today, the reason you and jean had gotten closer in the first place.

your shoulders slump, "i dont know how to explain it," you say, because it's true, but also because even if you could explain it, you wouldn't know where to begin. but you begin anyway, even though you know it would end with you trailing off. jean would understand anyway as he always had. "just.... everything's changing... and I, i dont know, i dont really like change, I guess." there's a pause and you refuse to look at his face which you're sure is observing yours carefully as he always does. "it's just...too much." you say, shrugging at the end. "it's too much and I don't know how to deal with this. like everyone's dealing with it better than I am and I don't even know if I've....if I've grown much, if at all. i dont know what I'm supposed to do. i dont know what my role is, like i just, i wish there was an author writing my life so I'd know what to do because I don't know how to...how to do everything myself. i-" you didn't know when the lump had formed in your throat, refusing to be swallowed down anymore after being ignored for months on end. "i dont know anything, jean, and it's scary." you say, and your eyes don't shed tears even if theyre stinging. you wish you could cry just to get it over with.

you were probably overreacting. everyone was doing so great with themselves, and at the end of the day, it wasn't a big deal. so what if everyone would move on with their lives? wasn't that what was supposed to happen? so what if your friends would probably forget you? shouldn't you be glad that you had them in the first place? wasn't it better to have felt alive for the first time than to not have felt it in the first place?

warm and sturdy arms wrapped around your unshaken frame, and you were pulled away from your rolling chair to sit down on your bed. the mattress dipped comfortably under you as it always had and jean smelt like he always did and you took comfort in the predictability. your sheets would smell the same today and tomorrow and the day after, your clothes would be in the same closet, your mirror would be in its same place in the bathroom and jeans arms would always hold you softly.

he held you for a couple minutes as you wallowed in your own sea. your legs were in his lap, leaning your weight on his arms. your eyes were closed, and you felt his warm hands rubbing circles in their place on your thigh and on your back.

you speak again, feeling the need to be understood even though you already were. "i just wish that... that I could freeze time whenever I have a good day." you say, and it's the final nail in your coffin and the final scoop of dirt on your grave. it's all you have to say, it's all jean needs to hear as he holds you a little tighter.

he hums in thought, no doubt thinking of a proper response. sometimes you wish you could take a peek inside his head, just to see, even for a useless moment, what he was thinking about. and more selfishly, if it was about you.

but that didn't matter because who was jean if he didn't speak his mind? his cheek rests on the top of your head and you can feel his warmth, and you wish you could let his warmth spread all over you, you wish that it would ignore the barrier of your skin and go straight to your organs and muscles because your warmth hadn't felt like it had been yours for a very long time and Jean's heat would be much more than welcome. but that was wishful thinking and you feel him kiss the top of your head instead, and you accept it.

"you know," he finally starts, and you can hear his heartbeat. "when we first met I had one of the moments you're talking about. the want to like.... somehow freeze the moment and just relive it forever." he says. you don't move, you don't dare remove your head from his shoulder afraid that if you did, he'd be another thing lost to the depths of your mind.

he continued. "what I'm saying is, i know what you're scared of. that your friends will forget you and move on without you. but... i dont think they will. i dont think anyone can. don't you think just like you have parts of them in you that they have parts of you in them? I've seen it. sasha started talking like you like a month after you guys moved in together. Mikasa likes buying flowers now. Marco texts like you. Connie has so many jokes that only you'd understand. and i-" he says, cutting himself short with a small breathy chuckles that makes your heart dangerously stutter, "i dont think that, god forbid, if we were to ever not be together, i dont think that i would ever be able to forget you. but that's probably because I'm in love with you and that's not changing for atleast this lifetime," another short laugh, "i dont think any of our friends, any of your past friends could ever forget that you existed. i mean, you'd always be there. youd always exist even if it is in the back of their minds.

"and you don't have to know everything. it's not a race. it's just...a nice walk, if anything. you don't have anyone or anything to catch up to. you can take your time, love, and i know it's hard convincing yourself of that, but you can. and if it's any consolation," he says, grabbing your hand that had formed into a loose fist on your knee, encasing your hand in his, "I'm...I'll be here. even if we aren't talking, which I'm pretty sure won't happen, but even if it does, I'm here. i will be." he says, squeezing your fist.

his words breathe comfort into your lungs that rested inside the prison your ribs had become. your chest felt a little lighter, the stubborn knots in your stomach were slowly undoing themselves and maybe his words didn't undo any damage nor did they paint over it but they did help heal.

you breathe in deeply, burrowing yourself even further in his shoulder, and he thankfully gets the message as he holds you tighter, like he's the only twine holding you together. you nod, and he kisses the crook where your shoulders meet your neck.

"thank you," you whisper, something that could get lost in his clothes but he catches it and shakes his head. you know what he's going to say before he even says it and you smile a little.

maybe jean was a contradiction to himself, a double negative, a not not persistence. and maybe you did feel lost, maybe time had swam away from the desperate deathgrip you had on it. but jean was there. he wasn't a fullstop or a chapter, he was more of a "okay, and," sentence, something that continued over with a comma, and he wasn't a guide that held your hand towards the shore, but he was more of an insistent presence that helped you not drown by holding your hand. he wasn't the shore itself, but he did provide the comfort of finding footing against the depths.

not a race, not a stand, just a walk. a walk with your hand in Jean's, a walk with uncertain but hopeful steps.

not a book, not a chapter, just scribbles of incoherent but excited writing in a diary.

[likesunsetorange]

I’m a e2l fan so I want anything you could give us about it like characters likes /dislikes ? Small snippet (sorry Im so excited for this fic I’m asking for alot :,(no pressure though <3)

love you hope you’re doing good

hiii! you're so sweet, ily2! i'm mostly good! a little stressed bc school but i'm keeping it pushing haha

and you're not asking for a lot!! i've actually been talking a lot about this au with a few of my moots lately so i've been itching to share about it so honestly go crazy with asking about it!!! since i haven't gotten as many asks about this au i guess i'll make this ask kind of long and just kind of dump some of the stuff from my notes into it? and i have a tiny snippet i can share too!

so i'll just go on a long ass tangent below lol

okay, so first thing about this au, the one thing i really want to emphasize (without spoiling) is the whole thing about this au is that their breakup reason is important, but also that nobody in particular is at fault. sometimes life just happens, and things happen, and sometimes you just need to take a step back and re-evaluate yourself, your goals, and what you really want! it's about coming back together and choosing that person in the end because you realize not being with them is worse than whatever drove y'all apart!

tbh a lot of this au is partially inspired by my own breakup & how the experience of me getting over it! i was in my early 20s for the first time being single after being in a relationship since i was a teenager and i was like woah wtf idk how to be single/without a partner. so that's a big focus of that! learning how to find yourself and realign your goals and all that!

but we can get into the characters now!

eren:

definitely is a bit more obvious about missing mikasa, but tries to act like he doesnt (he has her highlight still up lol, not doing a good job at it)

mostly just works a lot while they're not together

after they breakup, mikasa moves out of their apartment, so he's stuck seeing all their stuff all the time

the first time they see each other its messy, they get into a big fight lol, they aren't allowed to hang out together lol

but he realizes pretty fast that he regrets the breakup, but he sees that mikasa seems to be doing okay, so he wouldn't wanna intrude on that

he gets armin in the breakup basically (mostly bc he sees armin more, but armin still talks to mikasa, just not as much as he does to eren obvi)

he picks up some of mikasa's hobbies bc he misses her so much lol he's down horrendous

at the very least does miss mikasa at least as a friend

mikasa

after their breakup, because she's kind of trying to spite eren, she starts going out a lot to cope—her "hot girl era" essentially lol

she definitely starts prioritizing herself a lot more, and spends more time with her friends and figuring out what she wants outside of eren

but she definitely misses eren, she's just better at hiding it lol

she partially thinks he just doesn't want anything to do with her anymore (a lot of this is just them being fucking idiots lol), and she basically doesn't try to stalk him or see what he's up to bc she doesn't wanna know out of her own peace of mind

she has very bad flight anxiety so when they fly to italy, she lowkey kind of hopes that eren doesn't change his flight (he does bc he has to do something not even to be petty), and she has a very terrible flight experience and all she wishes is that eren were there

and here's a little snippet! this takes place the day after they break up!! sorry for rambling LOl but hope you enjoyed my little tangent! :)

“Damn, Mikasa,” Gabi called out from behind her, only causing Mikasa to turn around. “We didn’t know you went out on weeknights.” 

Gabi, one of the college freshmen who worked at the gallery, had a tendency to say whatever was on her mind, never bothering to filter herself. Even if Mikasa had grown rather close to her since she started working at the gallery in August, sometimes she wished Gabi would just shut up.

Mikasa scoffed, confused as to what even prompted her to say that. “What are you talking about, Gabi? And don’t cuss so loud, especially where guests can hear you.”

“Your eyes, they’re all red. Not to mention how bad your bags are,” she said, pointing to her eyes. “Seems like someone was a victim of Sunday Funday.”

Mikasa lifted a finger to touch her eye—still puffy, but from tears, rather than drinking.

“Gabi, you’re not supposed to say stuff like that—it’s rude,” Falco chimed in.

“Hey, it’s not my fault she can’t handle her alcohol,” she shrugged, turning back toward Mikasa. “It’s okay, Mikasa, the prettiest girls are always the biggest lightweights. But anyway, are you feeling okay? Does our favorite party girl need some Tylenol? A Liquid IV, maybe? Even a Gatorade?”

Was she supposed to answer honestly? Tell them that she had spent the entirety of her night crying because she and her boyfriend had broken up. That she was sure that the cops almost got called by their neighbors from how loud they were yelling at one another? That Sasha couldn’t even understand her when she called, telling her she needed somewhere to stay because she stormed out of their apartment, not even giving Eren the chance to finish his sentence, somewhere after one of them had uttered the words, “We shouldn’t be together anymore?”

She had been doing so well, pushing the thoughts to the back of her head, trying to get through the entirety of her shift without thinking about everything—about him. She only had an hour left in her shift, but all of her efforts had been to no avail.

It was as if the wind had been knocked out of her, she suddenly lost the ability to breathe, and she felt all the blood drain from her face.

We aren’t together. We aren’t together. We aren’t together. The words playing in her mind on loop.

“Hey, Mikasa. Are you okay?” Falco asked, his eyes flooding with concern as he looked over Mikasa’s current state.

“I think I’m gonna be sick,” she said quickly, before running off to the bathroom.

But maybe just this once, Mikasa was lucky for Gabi’s inability to shut her mouth—at least being hungover was a good enough cover for sobbing her eyes out in the bathroom.

[marcobodtlives]

reincarnation AU related ask; preferably a modern AU, college age (don't have to be in college tho), maybe a recovering/sober Marco or Jean, definitely have one of them break up with the other because "I'm not good enough for you" but clearly they can't stay away from each other, 100% friends to lovers BUT PLEASE DONT LET IT BE TOO LONG UNTIL THEY KISS/GET TOGETHER I rather the angst be after they actually get together and navigate the relationship and so forth :] tbh angst prior to them getting together IS TOO OVERDONE

Okay okAY! Hi oh my gosh this was awesome, thank you! Super inspiring, so many ideas ☺️

Eee this was so fun to write, everyone send more!

Anon you’ve seasoned my brain broth of ideas and I loved writing these out for ya, inbox definitely staying wide open for any more ideas people may have (doesn’t even have to be about a reincarnation au!)

Okay yay! Here’s what I got, all under the cut:

Marco wouldn’t ever break things off with Jean, he’s too aware of the fact that it would hurt Jean. I also like to think that despite slightly underestimating himself, Marco is fairly secure in his self-image (he’s worked hard to get to this place).

Jean on the other hand… well he’s got some issues and tends to gaslight himself into thinking he’s 1) not good enough, 2) bad for Marco, and 3) better off letting Marco enjoy his college experience without being bogged down by the delinquent that’s been suspended twice for fighting Eren.

Perhaps he gets pulled up before a disciplinary board after a particularly rough fight with Eren goes wrong and they end up breaking a college statue or something similar. Maybe Marco (the kid with a squeaky clean record and stellar grades who works so hard to maintain a full-ride scholarship so there’s money left for his younger siblings to get the best opportunities) is also pulled into the meeting by proxy. (He was probably the one who pulled Jean away from the scuffle and got lumped in).

The stress the entire situation would cause Marco, the anxiety, the shame - all of it is stuff Jean is used to, but not Marco.

Instead of helping him through it, Jean freezes up and realises “I did this to him. I’m the cause of what Marco is having to face. I can’t put him through this, it’s not fair.”

He pulls back, suddenly and heartbreakingly (for Marco).

Jean is stubborn, but he can also be selfish. He doesn’t cope well with extended periods of ‘avoid Marco at all costs.’ So, his idea is to break off the odd-romantic-chemistry-thing they had, and limit themselves to friends.

They work their way up. Jean still keeps Marco at arms-length. He shuts down the uh… less than platonic feelings he definitely still holds for the other boy.

Jean still keeps him company while he studies, they still make flashcards together, and he still relentlessly insists on Marco taking breaks and keeping healthy. They still find the same seats next to each other at lunch, they still find themselves circling back to each other at every new corner and situation, as though hopelessly magnetised despite everything else.

Marco is Jean’s constant. He’s always there. But Jean keeps up the desperate “just friends” charade for a few weeks, or a couple months at most.

Marco is smart enough to know that it’s less about them as a couple and more about Jean’s own web of insecurities that holds him back. He gives Jean as much time as he needs. As long as they’re still in each other’s lives, he’s happy and won’t push for more until Jean is ready.

It’s the rest of the group that stir things up.

After a while it becomes evident that half of them don’t even know Marco and Jean have broken up.

Eren, Reiner, Historia, Mikasa, and Annie are either oblivious or indifferent to any minute changes noticed between the two of them.

While Ymir, Connie, and Sasha actively berate Jean about it. They poke fun and (in their own way) help him realise he’s being cowardly by burying his head in the sand.

Armin and Bertholdt are open and honest in a raw, vulnerable way that pushes Jean to a precipice of realisation.

He isn’t doing this because he lost faith in the relationship. He’s doing this because he’s painfully aware of his own flaws, and he’s terrified of the part they’ll play in the unknown progression of his first serious relationship.

In light of this, things change again.

Marco and Jean are together, properly this time. Nobody’s foot is hovering out the door.

Jean is hesitant, sure, but Marco’s understanding in the face of everything Jean did has strengthened his ability to trust that he can actually lean on Marco when he doesn’t feel like he’s enough.

It’s odd really. Jean seeking support from the one person who he feels he isn’t good enough for.

It’s messy, it’s patchwork, it’s a jumble of feelings and insecurities, but it’s them. It’s what they are.

Jean is a wobbly rock in a stream of college stress and Marco is the moss that keeps him lodged in place, despite the ever-changing current.

And the current definitely comes.

You pick it, there are a world of options.

An accident on campus? A near-fatal injury that leaves someone (probably Marco) hurt, suffering, and (as anon mentioned) in need of recovery and sobriety? Family problems? Interpersonal conflicts? Lost scholarships? Failing classes?

Perhaps the sudden appearance of unexplainably vivid dreams of small towns, unmeasurable walls, large, genderless titan that leave blood, bodies, and lost soulmates in their wake?

So many possibilities, but throughout them all (as long as everyone remains alive) the two of them have each other.

[peachymilkandcream]

Break Me Slowly|Part 24|Yandere Levi x Evelyn

(A/N: It's crazy to think that chapters running alongside the show are going to end soon since we only have two more episodes of season 4 part 2 and then the two specials, one chapter per special (hopefully). This series really is coming to an end and it's so bitter sweet to be honest. Now that's not to say I'll be done with these two, I have two AUs I plan on making full series' eventually (inspired by your guys' requests actually) as well as oneshots. But there is a sense of completion knowing this series I've wanted to write for years is actually a thing that people can go read and enjoy. Thank you guys for all your support, and there will be a poll shortly to determine the next series we do. Comment to be added to the taglist!)

WARNINGS: noncon, dubcon, manipulation, domestic abuse, yandere themes, forced marriage, forced pregnancy, stockholm syndrome, violence, mind breaking, misogyny, etc.

==============================================

Evelyn was unable to meet Levi's gaze the moment they were left alone. Everyone else was planning for their attack on the Jeagerists, forcing the husband and wife into an uncomfortable silence. Or rather, it was Evelyn who found the silence uncomfortable. As per usual Levi didn't find positions like this awkward or tense, in fact he reveled in seeing her squirm. He was sizing her up yet again, waiting for her to screw up and show him all of her true and embarrassing feelings.

"So it seems my wife loves me after all."

"I bet in this state you couldn't stop a blanket from smothering you."

"I have this gut feeling you wouldn't do that."

"You want to try your luck?" Her fists clenched.

He shrugs haphazardly. "Maybe I am."

Her hands tighten around a folded blanket, he always did this, she would find herself getting along with him and seeing him as something more than an asshole and then he pulled this shit. She should do humanity a favor and take every ounce of life from his chest. But she couldn't do it. She couldn't do it.

"You're right. I won't."

"That's what I thought." Levi pauses. "So why did you defend me. You could have spilled your guts and I bet they would have backed you up all the way."

"I told you, I need you. I doubt Reiner has enough money or reputation hidden in the now flattened Marley to raise a child. You have more than I ever could offer, I already told you all of this though. Is there a need to keep bringing it up besides to torment me?"

"Maybe I enjoy tormenting you. After the shit you've put me through you could use a taste of your own medicine."

"After all I put you through huh. Listen Levi, we don't have to like each other, we just have to get along. For our child's sake."

"How long did you know before you told me. You never said."

"They had me take a test in Marley, wanting to make sure they didn't have more problems to deal with I guess They told me right after."

"And you didn't think to tell me sooner?"

"Cleaning up a body didn't seem an appropriate time dear."

"That's the other thing I can't wrap my head around. You've killed, but only long after you witnessed me do the same thing. Why didn't you use that as your ticket out."

"I don't know. Part of me almost felt a sense of safety, as sick as that sounds. I knew that no matter what you'd be able to protect me from someone worse than you. And then when things got too much-" She sighs. "I see why you do what you do. All my stress, gone. That's all it took."

"It seems I was right about a lot of things."

"Hm." She doesn't give a full answer, but there would be time for that eventually.

"Evelyn, are you ready?" Mikasa breaks their silence, it was up to Evelyn to try and convince Floch to let out the mechanics. Since in the Jeagerists' minds she helped start The Rumbling they trusted her. She was almost as respected as Eren himself. This would be it, this would be her moment, finally she wouldn't be a coward.

"Ready." She stands, glancing back at Levi and pressing a kiss to his lips. "I'll be back soon." She brushes a hand through his hair before following Mikasa.

As the two rejoin the others Mikasa glances at Evelyn out of the corner of her eye. "You two seem to be on good terms."

"Hm? It's nothing."

They go into a brief silence before Mikasa breaks it. "I know you're my superior, but you've been there for all of us, you know we're here for you too."

Smiles had become rare to Evelyn's face as of late, but now she shows one. She cared for these Scouts like they were her children. "I know Mikasa. Listen, when this is all over I'll invite everyone over and we can all catch up, okay? I know I've been missing in action lately, but I promise I'll make it up to you guys."

Mikasa doesn't return her smile but nods approvingly. "Eren too?"

"Eren too."

==============================================

Evelyn never really learned how to handle her nerves, Levi could look death in the face and never bat an eye but she wasn't so strong. She was human. So the thought of facing Floch and trying to sell this lie was terrifying. How Reiner and Annie could go for years getting people to believe their stories she didn't know. But if she made it out of this she'd surely see them in a new light.

She was permitted to enter without question, everyone wondering how on earth she had survived the Cart Titan and where she had been. Relief flashed the faces of those so deluded into thinking what Eren was doing was morally acceptable. The sight twisted her stomach with guilt.

Floch had never looked so smug, like he was king of the world lording power over the Azumabitos. With the way he eyed her now her suspicions seemed a bit more founded, part of her wondered if Floch had it in his mind that they could become an item, not out of romantic feelings but pure political gain. After all, he believed Levi was dead and surely he wanted a way to secure his rightful place at Eren's side. Unfortunately for him, she found him revolting.

"What happened to you? We all saw you get eaten by the Cart, we're so happy you're alive." He hugs her, and she has to fight back the urge to cringe, Floch always described himself as a "nice guy" and Evelyn had come to learn that anyone who described themselves as nice were never all that nice.

"The Cart and Armoured believed that I was still on their side but had been kidnapped. They were trying to rescue me, but when I told them the truth of my allegiance they fled, which way they went I'm not sure. They took me to the middle of no where and I had to walk back, I was too exhausted to transform so I was stuck on foot." She felt a slight relief when he released her, greatly unappreciative of him believing he could take liberties with invading her personal space.

"Well you're safe now." He turns away and to the Azumabito engineers. "To catch you up, we've purged the enemies of Eldia, and I was just about to do so with these foreigners."

"What happened to Commander Erwin?"

"He's still alive, he'll draw Hange out of her hiding spot, but he's secured enough that she'll have a hell of time getting him out. And once we have her too and confirm Levi's death both of those traitors will join them."

"Very efficient Floch." She forces her tone to remain even.

Floch nods in appreciation and raises the barrel of the gun to Kiyomi Azumabito's head, just before Evelyn steps in to stop him Armin's voice comes from outside, mercifully making Floch step back.

Catching Kiyomi's eye Evelyn offers a subtle wink to let her know that the situation is under control, but whether she understood or not was something she couldn't worry about right now.

Armin explains their fabricated scenario regarding the Cart and Armoured Titan, urging Floch to take action and release the engineers before running off to secure the boat.

Floch steps back and seems to hesitate, unsure of whether to believe Armin or not.

"What are you doing Floch, you heard him we have no time to lose!" Evelyn prayed her fake panic sounded convincing enough.

"Something just isn't adding up."

"Like what-" She hid her hands behind her back so he wouldn't see how they trembled.

"The locomotive is the fastest way to get here and yet they came on horseback knowing the Cart was ahead of them. Why would they do that...?"

"Maybe they just panicked?" She offers sheepishly.

"Armin would never panic." He paces back and forth, thinking, drawing out the sweat on Evelyn's forehead as she prayed he would stop questioning it and let them come down. "My gut tells me this is trouble, so it's time to nip some buds." He poised his gun at the head of Kiyomi's head, forcing Evelyn into action.

Shots fired as she pushed him down. He was big than she was but growing up in the Underground where you learned how to hold your own against grown men as a child he was no challenge at all. Other soldiers rushed into the room to see what they problem was, guns trained on Evelyn but hesitant to fire.

"Idiots, quit standing there and blow her away!"

Before they had an opportunity to follow through on these orders Mikasa crashed through the window, stunning the soldiers and throwing them to the ground like ragdolls, her timing couldn't have been more perfect.

"Kiyomi run!"

The sudden movement of the Azumabitos fleeing to safety caused Evelyn to lose her focus momentarily, which proved to be a fatal mistake.

Using his gear, Floch propelled himself out from under her and through the already broken window, swinging high above the building.

"We're under attack! Mikasa, Evelyn, Connie and Armin have switched sides! They've betrayed Eldia! Kill them!"

It seemed the entire base froze still, former comrades unable to believe what they had just heard. But they quickly sprung into action, firing on their former friends, determined to wipe them out for the good of humanity.

Mikasa and Evelyn switched into gear, leading the engineers to safety and away from the reign of bullets. The basement would be the safest until Reiner and Annie could get the port under control.

The plan had failed.

==============================================

The engineers safely in the capable hands of Hange, Jean and Magath, Evelyn and Mikasa focused their efforts one protecting those boarding the ship. Slaughtering Jeagerists, too many Jeagerists. Too many friends. All cut down because of greed.

The Titans in play taking too much damage to the the thunder spears, she had to do something. Without the Titans they'd never win this fight, she had to act now.

Without a second thought she dived off the building, biting deep down into her wrist, light surrounding her as the familiar body built around her.

Evelyn rarely used her Titan, afraid of the damage she could accidentally cause to innocents, but now wasn't the time for caution and morality. It was the time for action.

This was it was easier, swatting down those she used to command and fight alongside was easier when it was from this distance. Their faces weren't as close, she could see into their eyes as the life faded from them. A hailstorm of bullets and thunder spears reigned down on her, she was taking damage and fast. There was a chance she could die here, there was no Levi to save her. But it was worth it, it was all worth it to atone for the deaths she had caused.

When all hope seemed to be lost they rallied, slaying all those who opposed them and filling the sea with blood. What felt like an eternity passed before they were given the signal to board the ship. Never was she so relieved to leave that wretched body she had been cursed with.

When they finally sailed off she could breathe a sigh of relief. She felt like a slight bit of her guilt left, she wasn't as much of a horrid monster that she had been hours before. Maybe there was redemption for her cowardice after all.

Paradis faded into the distance, their send off a display of fire and light due to Magath's brave sacrifice. So many had given their hearts and souls because of her mistakes, but she would avenge them, she would avenge all of them.

She would pay for her sins, their sacrifices would not be in vain.

[nixie-writes-aot]

Alright. So, I wanted to talk about something. Because I find it interesting. Mind you, this is all just my interpretation of these characters and the story. I could be completely wrong or off!

This are the tags that inspired this thought process! I won't be putting the poster on blast but of course none of this is meant to be disrespectful at all! Under the cut, I'll be talking about some spoilers for s4 alongside just generally things to do with Reiner(including mentioned suicide/suicidal ideation) so thats your warning! Keep in mind I have not yet gotten up to date on the manga. This is from my knowledge with anime(current) and manga(roughly Marley/Yeagerist arc, just after Eren is a dick to Armin and Mikasa).

Everyone in aot has their own goals. Some are not known well, like Porco or Levi. There are others like Reiner, Eren, and Erwin that are well known. Erwin wanted to know the truth, completely unfiltered. It was his dream to learn more about, not just titans or the outside world, but the Walls too. About the world and society he grew up in. Erwin was willing to do anything to accomplish that, going against King Fritz, Zachary, and even Levi's wishes. Yes, his actions resulted in a lot of people dying. But as Levi mentions in the Female Titan arc, you can only make a choice and hope that its one with no regrets. Hell, thats what Levi's OVA is about. Erwin isn't selfish. Not anymore than Levi or Eren or, yes, even Marco.

Marco's own goals and dreams aren't as well highlighted as Erwin, so this might dip into moreso me over analyzing his character. Marco says to Shadis that he wants to be an MP to defend the King. Which is an honorable goal and met with ridicule from Shadis(pretty sure he ridiculed all of them though). Yet if we look deeper, consider why Marco wants to give his life to King Fritz. Because he views King Fritz as his king, he's showing loyalty and thinks that King Fritz is extremely important. Just as the society of the Walls tries to impresses upon everyone with that idea. However, his goal can also be seen as "selfish" as much as it can be called "selfless". In aot, it seems, that a major theme is that everyone has different dreams and ideals. Some are similar(Hanji wants to learn about titans, Armin wants to learn about the outside world, Erwin just wants the truth), some aren't(Reiner wants to be the perfect warrior, Marcel wants to protect Porco). To me, Marco wanting to "dedicate his heart" is neither selfless nor selfish but just a dream. His dream, his goal. Its as much for himself as it is for King Fritz and the Walls.

Now, I mentioned Reiner, Eren, Hanji, and Armin but I'm also going to talk about Mikasa. These are some of the most interesting people in the show. Hell, even Jean and Levi. Jean wants to be someone that Marco would be proud of and Levi wants to be able to make choices he won't regret. Those goals, like Marco and Erwin's, can be seen as selfless or selfish. But there are others who's choices change. Jean is one. He starts in s1 as someone who wants to just survive and becomes someone who's living for Marco. Like Mikasa. Her goal is to keep Eren alive but that drastically changes in s4. Where she suffers with having to come to terms with what Eren says/does, I believe thats the whole symbolism over Mikasa not wearing the scarf.

Eren, Armin, and Hanji have one solid goal until the end of s3. Then it changes. Eren's goal was to avenge those lost(but especially Carla) by killing all the titans. He does that. Or well, he indirectly does that. What happens when his goal has been accomplished? What comes next? Well, Eren saw the titans as an enemy, saw other titanshifters as enemies. He makes the jump in logic that his next goal should be killing all his enemies. Why? Because it happens in the future? Not completely. Because he loves his friends. He'll do anything for them. Sasha, Jean, Connie, Armin, and Mikasa are the only people he really has left in the world. They are his family. So, he sees that and knows that Marley is a threat. I believe it started as just wanting Marley gone but possibly saw that Eldians who didn't live in Marley were just as demonized, that the world all saw Paradis as a threat.

Armin's dream prior to s4 is to see the world, learn about that. From the get go, he was always vocal about that. Just like Eren was with killing the titans. Just like how Hanji wanted to learn about the titans. They were all very vocal about those dreams. What happens when he sees the ocean? The icon of everything he dreamt and read about? The very thing that motivated Armin, someone distinctly weak who's real strength laid in his intelligence, to put his life under risk time and time again? He changes, he learns and he grows. Armin still wants to learn like that but uts nit his main motivator anymore. Instead, he wants to live up to what happened in s3. He wants to live up to Erwin's name and prove himself an asset like Erwin had been.

Hanji's goal also changes. They started as someone angry at titans before they begun being curious. Which is what sets Hanji apart from anyone else. Whereas the others have this grim outlook on titans, they had an almost positive one. Hanji wanted to learn about titans. Not out of anything like knowing how to kill them better but rather out of a genuine scientific curiosity. Yet, in s3 they learn everything about titans thanks to Grisha. They don't even seem all that curious about titanshifters in s4 but Hanji is curious about the world. They wanted to reach out and say hi, to introduce Paradis as a potential ally to many countries. I believe at the end of s4 part 2, they have one reason behind their actions. The reason why they seem rather eager to make friends with Magath and Pieck despite how much bad blood there is. Their moral code mixed with them wanting to learn. Hanji has always been a curious soul.

Now, Reiner. Reiner is more interesting. Possibly the most interesting in the entire show. I talked about those who's goals changed once but Reiner? His changes several times. In s1, he wants to be a warrior. He wants to the strong "big brother". This is what leads to his split, his "soldier side" and "warrior side". After the rough start to his mission, losing Marcel, he is seen hugging Annie and Bertholdt. One of those being someone who he knows doesn't like or trust him. After all, how do you trust someone who actively threatened you and your status in a place like Marley? Then in s2 and s3, he just wants to go home. He lost Annie and Marcel, the mission went to shit. Why would Marley send so many of their warriors? Because for the plan to succeed they needed that many. Yet, Marcel and Annie were lost. The manga shows that Marcel's loss had a serious hit on even just breaking into Shiganshina. Reiner then lost Bertholdt and had to fight with himseld internally, grappling with his guilt and PTSD alone. Something that he likely leaned on Bertholdt for support with. Which is why he just wants things to end in s4 part 1. From his perspective, without knowing a thing about what Eren had been up to, he thought it was all over. He wanted to end everything, end his suffering. Reiner only found his intial reason to live in Gabi and Falco. Then in part 2, he actually wants to sacrifice himself so Falco could take his titan like his original plan with motivating Falco was. Yet Reiner couldn't do it. Whats his new goal then? I think its to finally stop Eren, to do anything for the family he has. After all, that was his goal behind becoming a warrior in the first place.

Fuck. Man. This show makes me feel such emotions hdndkdnd

[materialgworlas]

HOLD ON- LEVI ACKERMAN X FEM READER PART 2

“W-what?” Levi croaked, staring wide-eyed at the doctor who had on a plastered neutral expression. “What I’m saying Mr. Ackerman, is that Y/n is in a medically induced coma.” She repeated for the third time. “Why?” “It seems Y/n has had a major shock to her system that caused her to give birth so suddenly.” Levi averted his eyes- guilt consuming his soul.

 “…But, since she was able to carry the child through her third trimester it was only a matter of time before she gave birth to your healthy baby boy.” The doctor added, hoping it would give Levi some sense of comfort. “Giving birth in these circumstances put so much stress of Y/n that we thought it best to put her in a come so her body could rest and heal since we’ve found nothing medically we can repair.” She explained. “…So, there’s a chance…” he couldn’t finish his sentence. “Yes Mr. Ackerman, it’s likely that in time she will wake up. But I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t advise you to brace yourself for the possibility that she might not.”

That was almost a week ago.

Levi hated it here, the grey washed out walls that reminded him of death, the district hospital smell that reminded him of several cleaning products, the tubes that protruded from your body, the cold was doctors addressed family members as they gave them earth shattering news- whether good or bad. They were like robots to him- and coming from Levi Ackerman that’s saying a lot. But he had to be here. Where else would he go? He had to stay by your side and his son’s. he’d been told that due to the emergency birth they had concerns about your child too- though he seemed fine, they didn’t want to take any chances.

Levi hadn’t been home since the day he drove you to the hospital the hospital had set up a bed in your room for him. Erwin would regularly come to give Levi a change of clothes and hange would bring him food. He’d get visits from Eren and the gang too baring presents; you meant as much to them as Levi did, always so supporting and encouraging. To them you two were this amazing power couple who’d served as an inspiration for true love, and they’d be damned if they weren’t gonna shower you with affection in your time of need.

“Yeager?” Levi hummed, sensing the boy’s presence without taking his eyes of your still figure. “Y-yes sir.” The boy stuttered, “I know Y/n loves flowers and chocolate so…” he found space to place the large bouquet of your favourite flowers on the window sill and a box of chocolates on the table beside your bed.” “Always with the damn gifts, the room is litteraly filled to the brim with them.” Levi muttered, though deep down he was grateful for all the support. “Then they’d better move Y/n into a bigger room so we can fill that too.” The boy joked managing to crack a smile out of Levi. “Where are the others?” “Armin and Mikasa went baby clothes shopping, they’ll stop by later today. Jean Connie and Sasha are with your kid now- probably making stupid faces through the glass at him again.”  “Brats” Levi chuckled before Eren continued, “Erwin and hange were trying to find that special tea you like that calms your nerves and probably more baby items last time I checked.”

Levi was silent for a moment before he took your hand, “Did you hear that my love?” he sighed “I don’t know what you did to get everyone so wrapped around your figures but they’re a lot of people waiting for you to come back now so you may as well.” A sad smile formed on Eren’s lips as he watched Levi converse with you, and replying to the things he’d imagine you’d say.

“LEVI!” Erwin burst through the doors, “Come quickly, it’s your son!” in a flash the two booked it down the corridors and practically flew down the stairs. he could barely think straight at this point- he felt guilty for leaving you but Eren had hastily assured him that he’d watch over you. They were both panting then they made it to the NICU Where they found hange, Connie, Jean and Sasha all huddled around a doctor with shocked faces. “What happened?!” Levi gasped, “Well don’t just stand there, tell ‘em doc!” Hange screeched. “Ah, well Mr. Ackerman, your son’s test have all come back and show he’s healthy enough to take home.” He smiled. “Shit.” Levi breathed out, relief flooding his system. “H-he can come home?” Levi faintly smiled. “…Can i…?” “Of course.” The doctor smiled motioning for Levi to pick up his son.

At first it was a bit awkward, he looked so small and fragile swaddled in his blue blanket with his eyes tightly screwed shut. And squirmed just enough for Levi to fear he was hurting the child and quickly looked to the doctor for help, though he assured him the baby was fine. After a few minutes of struggling Levi was finally able to hold his son in a decent position, allowing him to truly take in the boys features. He has your nose, Levi thought smiling fondly at the boy and the slight pout he wore vaguely reminded him of himself. He had short black curly hair which seemed to be a mixture of the both of you and fair light brown skin. “Beautiful.” Levi muttered under his breath, admiring his baby boy.

The sweet moment was interrupted by excessively loud blowing of two handkerchiefs, Levi glared at the source of the sound- Hange and Jean, who’d been so touched by the special moment. “Have you thought of a name?” Erwin spoke up, smiling gently at the baby.  “No.” Levi snapped, a small frown forming on his face that matched his sons. “I- of course. I’m sorry Levi.” Erwin sighed in understanding- He couldn’t name his son without you. “Then might I suggest a… reunion?” everyone gave the name a curious look, “Doctor, would it be possible if Levi take his son to Y/n?”

Levi’s heart nearly jumped out of his chest. Oh god, you haven’t even met! He thought. He quickly glanced to the doctor who seemed to be mulling over the request. “...I don’t see the harm in reuniting a family.” He finally spoke making everyone let out a breath they didn’t know they’d been holding in. Sasha AND Connie let out excited squeals while Jean and Hange silently wept some more. Levi gave Erwin a grateful look before following doctor with his son in his arms.

“Y-y/n.” Levi softly spoke, “I’ve brought you someone to meet. Well- the fact that you’re just meeting now it ridiculous but of course your son decided to make a grand entrance into the world.” he chuckled bringing the baby closer to your body, placing his small hand in yours. “Now listen here brat, your mum’s one tough lady so doesn’t think just cause she’s sleeping now changes anything. She’s a lot stronger than us both which is why I know she’s coming back. Y-you hear me Y/n, I know you’re coming back to us.” Levi choked up towards the end and tightly shut his eyes as a tear rolled down his face and splashed onto where your hands met.

“…You cryin Ackerman?” a faint voice broke the silence. Levi’s eyes snapped open- only to see you staring right at him. “…Y/n?” was all he could manage out.  “Levi.” You weakly smiled, taking in his tired yet still handsome features, “You look like hell.” You chuckled, “Tch and whose fault is that.” He smiled. Just then you heard a small cooing noise that made you jump slightly before your eyes widened seeing the small baby in your boyfriend’s arms. Your baby. “I-is that…” you couldn’t finish your sentence before a sob that’d been welling up inside you finally escaped which seemed to open the flood gates.  “Look who’s crying now.” Levi chuckled through his own tears.

“What’s his name?” you asked, “I was gonna ask you.” He admitted, “…Can i-“Without even having to finish your sentence Levi gently put your son in your arms. “He’s got my nose.” You smiled “And your pouty lips!” “Tch.” “…S/n…” you hummed and the baby turned his head to nuzzle more into you. “He seems to like that one.” Levi chuckled, wipe away a few stray tears from your face. “S/n it is!” you smiled. “…I’m sor-“ “Don’t.” You cut him off. “There’s no way in hell any of this was your fault Levi Ackerman! And I will not have you feeling sorry for yourself when we have a whole human to raise now.” You said firmly. Your boyfriend felt like his heart was about to explode, staring at the love of his life he had only one thought swirly in his head now- I’ve got to marry this woman.