#though making our two dorks go through such an adventure is so cool

[justlookatthosesausages]

:: “Memoirs” :: post-Frozen 2 Time Travel AU

======= CHAPTER 8 (END) I open at the close =======

“Okay, I know you can’t tell me what I said in the future memory and also what you said, and also what Kristoff said, and what my daughter said...” Blabbered Anna with a fast voice, already gasping for air under Elsa’s amused eyes. “But there must be a thing... Or two... That you can tell me without dropping major stuff, right?”

Elsa finished smiling before thinking. They were seated on the ice floor of Ahtohallan, Anna with her forearms on her bend knees, and Elsa in lotus position close to her, an elbow on her leg as one hand held her cheek with a touched grin on her lips. Anna had been adorably curious since she woke up from the visions of the future.

“Well... I saw three different memories, from three different moments. One was when you were pregnant, one was after you gave birth, and the third one...” 

Anna instantly blushed.

“Oh my goodness, please don’t tell me that you saw Kristoff and I... Doing the...”

Elsa frowned in confusion, then choked on laughter. 

“No!” She wheezed, trying to catch her breath back, and Anna let out a relieved gasp. “No, are you crazy?!”

The blonde lifted her head, still laughing. “You would never show me that kind of thing, would you?” She asked to Ahtohallan. 

The glacier flickered with bright lights, and the sisters interpreted from it a mix of an offended gasp, a ‘Of course, duh’ and a loud laughter. 

Anna massaged the back of her neck. “Okay, sorry for interrupting. What was the third memory?”

“Your daughter was grown up, aged of 10 years old, I think - that I can say, it won’t make any impact - and we were telling her a bed time story.”

The redhead melted with a touched smile and wet eyes. “Awww.”

She then bit her lip with a grunt. “Hnnnn, it’s so hard for me to not ask you what her name is!!”

“Yep. I get you. And there’s no way I’m going to tell you.”

Anna’s nails scratched the ice under them in an exaggerated upset gesture. “This is torture!!”

Elsa giggled. “I’m sorry. Hold on, maybe I can think of something else...”

Ahtohallan sent a warning pulse to her mind. She winced a bit at it. “Yes, yes, I’m careful, I promise.” She mumbled, looking up at the magic ceiling. 

The redhead smirked, her gaze alternating between the magic source and Elsa. The Snow Queen pouted as she thought. 

“Hmmm... Something that doesn’t reveal too much...” Her thinking Scrunch then switched to the most emotional and touched expression. “She looked just like you. Truly your spitting image.”

Anna’s smile stretched to all her face, and she gasped as tears now fell on her cheeks. She let out a cute giggle, and looked up to Ahtohallan. ‘Is she allowed to say that?’ seemed written on her face, but the glacier didn’t react, and her face melted as she stared at Elsa again. The elder shared her smile. 

“Though I have to say, she looked a bit like Kristoff as well.” 

The Queen fanned herself with her hands. “This is adorable.”

The blonde laughed. “If that makes you this emotional, just imagine me who saw the whole thing.”

Anna gasped, and grabbed her hand. “True. Oh my gosh, how did you even hold the secret about the fact I’d have a daughter for so long?” She admired. 

Elsa snorted. “I told you less than 24 hours afterwards. I blurted it out in no time.”

The two sisters laughed together, their voices echoing in the giant room. 

“Hey, you haven’t told me: what did you look like?”

Elsa started to blush. “How is that important?”

“Come on, I’d freak out in the best way if I saw my own self in older version. Tell me!”

Elsa now blushed deeply, and looked down with a shy smile. “I looked great. I mean, I... I looked okay. Very... In shape.” 

Anna had an amused smirk as she stared at her elder being bashful. Whatever she had seen, it had marked her. In a good way, she presumed, given her blush. She didn’t insist much, and simply replied with a nod and a smile. 

“So, I can’t really ask you more, uh? All I’m supposed to know is that, I’ll have a daughter with Kristoff; that the reason why you won’t be there at her birth is because you will be saving Ahtohallan from raiders; and then that we’ll be the best mother and aunt ever?”

The Fifth Spirit smiled tenderly. “Pretty much, yes.”

A silence passed. 

“Yet I can see in your eyes that you want to tell me much more.” Noted Anna. 

“There are a thousand things I also want to tell you.” Grinned Elsa. “But, each thing at its own time. You’ll have answers as they come naturally.” 

“Alright.” Smiled Anna, a bit disappointed but respectful. She also had enough wisdom to understand that if she asked too much, she would alter and maybe ruin her own future, and after Elsa’s retelling, she didn’t want any other than this one. 

They finished chatting then stood up slowly, facing each other, and Elsa suddenly held Anna by the shoulders. The move surprised the redhead, just like she had been when her elder had suddenly hugged her when she woke up from the memories, but she rolled with it happily. 

“Anna.”

“Uh-uh?”

“You were right all along. I wasn’t dead- I mean, I won’t be dead on that day. Your unique positivity led you right as always.”

Anna smiled, and passed a hand in Elsa’s hair to tuck it aside after a strand had fell in front of her face. She did all she could to make the gesture reassuring, soft and warm. 

“Of course you wouldn’t die, you silly.” She said, and she could see the emotion tightening her elder’s throat. “And of course I was right. I’m always right.”

Elsa chuckled at her humorous addition, that Anna had purposely made to light up her mood. It worked, and she nodded as a thank you. 

“Also, you can miss a birth anytime if it’s to be a badass in Ahtohallan and protecting it from invaders.” Assured Anna.

Elsa chuckled.  “I’m so happy that we finally found out the truth.” 

She then frowned, and lifted her eyes to the dome.

“What I don’t get is that… If you wanted to show me that event in the future, you getting raided and needing my help to defend you, then why did you not show me a memory of the raid? Why did you show me a memory of a moment I talk about it?” 

Ahtohallan didn’t respond, and Anna smirked.

“Maybe they didn’t want you to get too much details about the attack so that you would fight them without much indications. Just the essentials, only broadly speaking. Exactly like a bed time story.” 

The blonde nodded, but blinked in confusion. 

“And how come I already know about it in the future they showed me?”

Anna had a thinking pout, bending her head, then suddenly her eyes widened and she snapped her fingers, her mouth open in a O. “It’s a time paradox!! You know about it because you just learned about it. It’s a loop!”

Elsa’s eyes widened just as large. “Oh my God.”

“You can call me Anna.” Joked the redhead, sticking her tongue out.

She bounced in joy. “Now I get why you got so excited earlier. Nerdy theories are funny.”

Some lights brightened, and Ahtohallan seemed to approve.

“And that’s not even the most beautiful.”

“What is?” Asked Elsa. 

When she turned to her younger, she was smiling warmly. “The reason why Ahtohallan showed you those memories of my daughter... It’s a reward, as a thank you from them for saving the whole glacier from the raid. They showed you what you couldn’t see while you were here helping them.” She explained, gesturing at the magical source.

Elsa’s eyes glittered with emotion, and she gulped with a soft smile. She nodded to her sister’s analysis, and lifted her head. “Thank you.”

Ahtohallan’s lights flickered as a “You’re very welcome.” gesture.

Suddenly, all the floating beams turned to bright white, and the sister suddenly hissed and groaned at it. 

“Woaw, what is this?” Grumbled Anna, squinting and protecting her eyes with her arm.

“I think it’s our way back”, muttered Elsa on the same tone and with the same gesture. “I can feel the love emanating from it.”

“Love?” Repeated Anna. She knew that Elsa shared a special and unique connection with Ahtohallan, and that it’s how she was able to translate the glacier’s emotions to her, but that was confusing. Ahtohallan’s feeling in the end was love for them?

The white light turned to blue, and Anna let out a gasp as she recognized it. It was exactly the same than the one emanating from the magic rock she had touched in the Forest, and that had brought them two in the past in the first place. She could also feel that it was the same sensation, palpable in the air. 

“So that was caring love...” Murmured both sisters in one voice, then they turned to each other and grinned. 

“Thank you!” Smiled Anna to the magic source, as the light got even more intense. “That was quite an adventure. And even if the main goal was to show Elsa the future and thank her for it, you allowed us to see our parents on that day. Now I can tick ‘travel through time’ on my bucket list, and, honestly... Life goals.”

Elsa laughed by her side, and slid her hand in hers. 

“Are you ready?”

Anna looked at the light. “I was born ready.”

“Technically, you aren’t...”

“Born yet, yes. I’ve been thinking of that pun for two days now.”

They giggled, and all the white light condensed all along the dome to one spot, the size of a large door big enough for them to both go in, and Elsa recognized this spot on the wall as being the entrance she went through to dive into the past on her first visit. 

It made sense: now was a time when Ahtohallan was used to see memories of the future; so, in order to go back to 30 years forward, they had to go through there. Anna clenched her hand as they walked.

“Elsa... I wonder... If the Northuldra chief was indeed the Fifth Spirit and he saw memories of the future, then he knew that he would die that day because of our grandfather, right?”

Elsa nodded with sadness. “Yes. I suppose that he accepted that it was his destiny.”

The reminding of how the Northuldra chief died suddenly made something hit in Elsa. “Wait... When I went deep down in the memories, the first time I went here, through that frame... I actually connected with his part of Ahtohallan.”

Anna’s eyes widened. “Is that why you froze? I thought that it was just because you searched for a secret memory?”

“...Maybe it also was because I was entering a reversed Ahtohallan, with time memories going the other way...” 

Anna stopped right before reaching the frame.

“Do you think that the reason why you saw Ahtohallan in pieces 30 years later on your first visit is because it got flipped upside down, memories now going the other way, because you headed to the glacier with the intention to get answers about the past?”

The two sisters remained silent at all the possibilities this offered. 

“That’s another mystery we’ll maybe never have the answer of.” Murmured Elsa. 

Anna nudged her. “Don’t be pessimistic. We managed to solve this one, didn’t we?”

Elsa shared her smile. “That’s right. We did.”

Ahtohallan sent an insisting pulse to her mind. “Alright, alright, we’re going.” Chuckled the Snow Queen. 

“Back to present time, then.” Smiled Anna, and Elsa nodded.

They stepped to the light together, and felt cocooned as it came over them. It indeed was a light of love, and it was so bright that they clenched their eyes shut, and felt dizzy for a moment. 

=======

When they opened their eyes, they were standing in the Forest, exactly where they had been standing before Anna bowed to touch the glowing rock. 

The redhead looked down and noticed that it had disappeared, and startled when Elsa suddenly palpated her arms to make sure that her younger was alright. 

“I’m fine, Elsa.” Chuckled Anna. 

“Sorry, I just... I had to make sure. Did all that... Happened?”

“You didn’t dream. And I sure hope that all you saw of the future will happen.”

“It will. That’s the whole point.” Smiled Elsa.

They looked at each other and hugged, more by mannerism than anything else, just glad they both made it, and lived such a crazy experience. 

When they stepped back from the hug, they looked around, surrounded by the sounds of the forest. It felt like they hadn’t come here in ages, and it was actually literal. 

“THERE YOU ARE!” Suddenly yelled a voice behind them. 

Elsa turned around at Honeymaren’s angry tone. 

“I’ve been looking for you for a full hour!” Frowned the Northuldra, walking to them. 

“Only an hour?” Smiled Elsa, and she gave a side look to Anna, who chuckled.

“What?” Frowned Honeymaren when she was close, and this time, her voice was worried. “Where were you? I got really concerned.”

“Oh, we were... Here and there...” Shrugged Anna. 

“ANNA!” 

She briskly lifted her head at the sound of Kristoff calling her. He ran to them, glad they found them again. 

“We got so worried! I was about to prepare the cart to go back to Arendelle, and...”

He caught up his breath, his hands on his hips as he stared at the sisters. “Did you two purposely hide? Elsa, did you try to kidnap my wife so she would stay longer with you in the Forest this week?” He added with a laugh. 

Elsa laughed and shook her head. “No. I would never take her away from you. I promise.” She said, her gaze going to Anna as well. 

The redhead smiled, and hanged to Kristoff’s neck to kiss him deeply on the lips. He got surprised by the intensity, but gave it back to her.

“Okay. Time to go.” She blushed once she was done, tapping his chest awkwardly. 

He nodded and turned around, and as the redhead was about to follow him, she turned to Elsa. “See you next Friday, then.” 

“It sounds weird to say it now, isn’t it?” Whispered the blonde. 

“Totally.” Whispered back Anna. 

“What are you two whispering about?” Smirked Honeymaren. 

“Nothing!” Exclaimed the Queen. 

She trotted behind Kristoff, then turned around one last time. “Hey, Elsa!”

“Yes?” Smiled the blonde. 

“Any chance you tell me her name now?”

Elsa chuckled and shook her head. “None. Just go, you dork.” 

Anna turned around and giggled openly, filling the woods with the echo of her sunny laugh.

======= THE END =======

[falcor-thee-luck-dragon]

Interviews - Henry Cavill x wife/actress reader

Summary: You and Henry have been married for a couple years now, and when you’re both part of the Witcher cast, fun interviews are to be had.

Warning: nothing but a good time, btw I’ve never written anything like this so I hope it’s good enough that I might feel motivated to write more

-Readers Witcher character is loosely based off my Geralt fic from here (just a little self promotion), but in this case you play a full vampire in this Witcher universe

The days have been long and grueling, filming hours upon hours of stunts and regular acting had taken its toll. Not to mention the countless times in hair and make up paired with costume changes and traveling to film on certain locations.

To say being apart of Netflix’s The Witcher was full of tiring days and some accidental bruises would be a huge understatement. But none of that mattered, nor did you bother to complain when through the thick and thin of it all did you have Henry with you along the way. And your favorite big slobbery bear, Kal whenever he was allowed on set.

Fortunately for you in the beginning of all the craziness, the casting and writers had wanted you specifically for the part of Y/C/N in the new series before Henry even auditioned for the role of Geralt, that was soon given to him after you accepted your fresh role of vampiric heroine.

It was ironically strange in a good way, you had watched your dork of a husband play the Witcher: Wild Hunt a few times before, eventually learning of what Geralt of Rivia was, who Y/C/N was in the story, who Yennefer and Ciri were, Tris and even Jaskier.

Who would have thought that you’d finally get to snag a role side by side with Henry in quite literally one of the most fantastic shows you’ve ever heard of. You didn’t even need to see the show yet to know how well it was most likely to be reviewed. Being a key character in the grand storyline was enough to convince you of how amazing it would most certainly turn out in the finished product.

And after all was said and done, you couldn’t believe how well loved and popular the show truly became in the following months after shooting and its eventual release onto Netflix. The after parties and cast celebrations truly made you blessedly grateful for pulling through to the vary end.

Then again you had your mans Henry by your side every step of the way. He was your rock and you were most definitely his. You know life on set would have been far less entertaining and dreadfully long if not for the lovely company of your dear Witcher, Henry. And so far after the fact, you and a good portion of the cast have been placed in random interviews for the majority of the day.

Reason being, The Witcher has at long last finally premiered and as per usual the people and media live for those cast interviews that always reveal some interesting events. So far this morning you’ve done some interviews with Anya that have gone perfectly fine since the two of you seem to click so well.

Also it helps ease the anxiety of your fellow newer cast mates to the world of continuous interviews with an experienced veteran actor like yourself, who’s gone round the ring more times then you can count. Though you can’t help but wonder how Henry’s doing, considering you’ve been separated since the sessions began at 10am, you’ve had lunch and now it’s about 1 in the afternoon with more hours to go.

Luckily for you, you’ve just been informed of another interview with the man of the hour himself. Saying your goodbyes and well wishes to your fellow cast mates, you stand and follow the guide into the advised place. Aka some really nice hotel room that’s been done up real nice for efficient interviewing, complete with the Witcher insignia on a large background poster and three chairs that happen to look rather comfy.

The camera and sound people nod in acknowledgment as you walk in, you nod back no doubt making their day with your friendliness and adorable smile that quite literally lights up a room. Soon you spot the bubbly yet nervous interviewee who instantly welcomes you into her space like you’re an old friend.

You sit, a bit confused as to where your partner happens to be at the moment, the interviewer, Lauren makes small talk before a door opens and her big bright doe eyes go wide in nervous excitement. A telling smile upon her face as she shifts in her chair before looking back to you again with a happy grin.

Henry says a quick hello to the behind the scenes crew before waving to Lauren, you smirk while watching him get comfortable next to you, “Well, well, well. Get lost on your way up, you know they have guides for a reason.” You tease as he chuckles at your humorous jab, relieved to see you again after a couple hours apart.

“Traffic.” He quips with a shrug.

“Uh huh.” You mutter with a shake of your head before drawing your attention back to Laura, “Can’t take him anywhere I swear, he does this all the time.”

She laughs as Henry pretends to gasp at your teasing, you chuckle along with them before she finally collects herself, “Well, welcome back to London. It’s fantastic to have you both in town once again, and your big beautiful faces all over Leicester Square.”

You both laugh, “Right.” Says Henry, “I guess we do look pretty cool.”

“Hell yeah, I mean where else can I see myself with a giant sword on a building? And anyways look at this beautiful mug,” You say gently squeezing Henry’s cheeks in your hand, “he’s literally killing it out there.” They laugh as you give Hen another playful squeeze before letting go and setting your arm against the chairs cushioned armrest. 

“Alight let’s start.” She says enthusiastically before glancing down at her cards then back up to you and Henry. Then into one of the two the cameras, “Hi I’m Lauren from Entertainment Weekly and today we’re here with the two stars of Netflix’s The Witcher.” She says enthusiastically while giving a nod to you two, indicating that the camera is now focused on you both, “Henry Cavill and Y/N Cavill.”

You both smile in acknowledgment as Henry gives a slight nod, “How you doing?”

“I’m great,” She beams, “So, I’ll get right into it, what do you like most about the story? What really drew you into the script that made you say, yes this is going to be awesome?”

Slapping a hand against Henry’s muscular leg, you hum, “I’ll let Hen take this one he’s a real expert on the linguistics of the whole show.”

“Thanks Y/N/N.” Replies Henry, bemused that you’re making him take the first question.

You nod to him knowingly with a smirk, “Of course.” Knowing how much he loves to talk about the show and also because you’d rather have him use his energy to talk about it then do that yourself. Priorities, right, though in your defense it’s been a long day.

“Well I absolutely love the games and the books themselves are phenomenal works of literature.” He explains, his face glowing with that usual glimmer of excitement in his eyes, “The story and the world of the Witcher is just so rich and full of potential that when I signed on for the show, I immediately knew it would be amazing, no doubt.”

You lean into the arm of you chair, “And of course I was there so that’s always a bonus.”

“That too.” He smiles adorably, “That too of course.”

Lauren smiles, “Great. So, what was it like working together, how was it having your characters interact with one another?”

You smile, setting a hand against Henry’s forearm, “This guy right here.” You deadpan before waving him off dramatically, “So annoying, my god he whined all the time and he was such a drama queen dear lord so ugh....” You start cackling before you can even finish the sentence causing Henry to loose it as well and with that the interviewer.

Shaking your head you rest your hand against his shoulder, “I joke, he was a gem to work with as usual...I mean I feel incredibly blessed to be able to act alongside my husband for months and months every single day. It’s a rarity in this line of work and I’m grateful to have shared this experience...and I guess more so this whole adventure with him as well.”

The interviewer aww’s as Henry tilts his head to lean into your hand that’s still resting atop his shoulder before pulling away just as quickly, the intimate sentiment not going unnoticed by you or Lauren who looks to be enjoying your loving yet calm energy with one another. “That’s so sweet, what about you Henry?”

“Oh yes absolutely,” Agrees Henry to your recent statement, “not only did I have her by my side through it all but the dynamic of our characters interacting together was so fun to shoot. I think the audience will really be able to see their relationship grow on screen into something strong and beautiful like in the books.”

Slow clapping you give him a curt nod of approval, “Well said.”

Lauren smirks, “Seems like it. Well, I was able to catch the premier yesterday and I gotta say...it was fantastic! I couldn’t believe how diffident the two of you looked from how you are now.” She gushes enthusiastically.

The corners of Henry’s lips curl into a proud smile for the fellow crew of the Witcher’s, “Oh that’s great then, honestly we gotta give all the props to the costume and makeup team, they’re so talented and know how to make us look like real badasses.” He adds.

You nod in agreement before grinning at a positive memory of your first interaction with Henry as Geralt, “Oh for sure, I remember during the early stages of production when our characters met each other for the first time, before this we came to set together but went separate ways to shoot our own stuff in the meantime so I never got a real look at him.” You recall with a bright smile as Henry watches your every move, beaming just the same.

“It was so funny, I was in the tent with Freya Allen, the wonderful girl who plays Ciri, and then suddenly her eyes got all big and nervous and I was like, that’s not me right? Something weird didn’t just happen with my costume? And then I turned around to find this man, wig on, face a mess, and his eyes looked so fearsome and different...it was a bit startling.” You say with a chuckle, “I clearly wasn’t expecting to see Geralt right then and there. He just looked so unlike Henry.”

“Yeah, I was almost hurt.” Laughs Henry, “She had to like squint and make sure it was me.”

Rolling your eyes, you shrug, “He had some real creepy looking colored contacts, yunno?”

Henry fake scoffs, “You’re one to talk, I mean when I first say her, Y/N’s eyes were red and she had fake blood spattered all over her face and shirt. Oh, and not to mention those fangs they put on your teeth...we probably traumatized poor Freya that day.”

“Oh shit you’re right!” You exclaim with a snort of concealed laughter, “God I completely forgot about how I looked...now since I think about it, I did that a lot too. I would just walk up to people and be completely oblivious as to what kind of nightmare I looked like, honestly I might have scared one of our producers a couple of times.” You add with a half nervous laugh, it’s true, you did scare some of the crew unintentionally. Most of the time.

Lauren lightly chuckles, “That sounds like you were quite the sight to see then.” She says before glancing back down at her notes, “Alright I have’ta ask, is there anything that you two took home with you from set?”

“Besides Henry every night,” He holds back a laugh while covering his mouth as you nonchalantly continue, “Uh, yes actually I got to take home Y/C/N’s wolf ring that I loved so much and just thought was the coolist thing ever and....uh, I might have stolen some socks too.”

“So that’s why after filming the amount of socks of yours I had to fold increased?” Wonders Henry with a surprised snort of realization.

Turning your head to give him a “no shit” kinda look, you look back at Lauren, pointing your thumb at Henry, “Master sleuth right here, but hey, he folds my laundry.”

“Aw that’s great.” Adds Lauren with a smile before turning her attention to Henry, “What about you Henry? Take anything from set?”

“More then Y/N did actually...”

“He just about took the whole makeup trailer most nights, I swear.”

Henry chuckles, “That. Is true.” He agrees with a nod, “Interesting enough, at home I’ve got Geralt’s armor hung up in our living room and a multitude of other nicknacks that I’ve collected during filming.” He adds, glancing over to you, “So uh, yeah, we were fairly lucky to be able to snag what we could.”

Lauren smiles, absentmindedly shuffling her cards, “That’s awesome to have such special memorabilia, you guys really are fortunate.” She adds before reading off from another card, “Alright you two, care to play a game called guess the image? Witcher style.”

Your face perks up at this, you’re a sucker for interview games and Henry knows it, “Are you reading my mind or something, I have been waiting all day for someone to ask about playing a game.” You gush rather enthusiastically. 

He smiles at your adorableness and how excited you’ve just become, Lauren grins, happy that her suggestion has been so well received, “Okay so how it works is, I’ll show you an image on my iPad and then you have to guess who or what I’m showing you.”

“Oh, cool I’ve heard of this,” You reply, turning to Henry with a smirk, “Loser has to clean Kal’s yard poop for a week.”

Rolling his gorgeous blue eyes he chuckles, “You’re on.”

“Alright, the stakes are high, you two ready?” Beams Lauren, holding her iPad to her chest as she awaits an answer.

“Yes, I’m ready to kick his ass.” You quip, leaning an arm against your chair while Henry does about the same, though he does his best to contain his laughter.

“Okay, first image.” She holds up the device to show some sort of weird golden thing, it’s shiny and hard, worst part is that you’re not entirely sure what the hell it could be.

Sensing your confusion Henry nudges your shoulder, though you ignore it before he smartly answers, “Oh, is that...Renfri’s brooch?” Little shit knows exactly what that is, of course he does.

Lauren claps, “Correct.” Zooming out of the image to show the full picture of the golden brooch, “Right on, that’s one point for Mr. Cavill.”

You scoff playfully, “Beginners luck.” While Henry side eyes you with a humorous grin upon his plush lips, he nudges your arm, “I’m going to really enjoy not cleaning up Kal’s grass turds for awhile.” He mutters lightheartedly, though you know deep down he’s being serious, no way is he going to win this, you think. You won’t have it, hopefully the next few pictures aren’t as difficult, Kal duty is not fun by any means.

“Shut up.” You grumble with a dismissive wave of your hand, though just teasing of course.

“Okay next image.” This time the blurred photo looks much more familiar, soon it clicks as to what the obscured blurriness actually is, yes!

“Got it! Anya’s er I guess Yennefer’s dress from the fight at Sodden.” Lauren giggles, zooming the image out to reveal Yennefer in her tasseled blue and purple dress from the battle at Sodden Hill. “I’m amazing I know.” You boast at Henry with a casual little bow in your seat.

“It’s the second question.” He deadpans, eyes crinkling in amusement as you shake your head at him.

“Pffff get outta here.” You mutter back, gently pushing his arm off of your chairs armrest and setting yours in its place while he gives you a fake shocked expression.

In turn you can’t help the smile that tugs at the corner of your lips, so instead of saying some sassy remark that would no doubt get a reaction out of him, you turn your attention back over to Lauren who’s looking over her notes again.

“Fantastic,” She says, glancing back up at you and Henry, “you’re both tied with one point each. Alright, anyone know what this is?” She asks showing something red and fuzzy, a bit of dirty skin showing from one corner but with The Witcher this bloody image could literally be anything.

The both of you squint, puzzled as to what this could be, “Y/N you got any ideas.” Wonders Henry, brows furrowed as his face contorts into deep concentrated thought.

Raising a brow, you hum, “If I knew I wouldn’t tell you.”

“Fair point.” He chuckles.

Lauren smiles, “Any guesses?”

 After a few concentrated moments, Henry shrugs in defeat,  “I’m stumped.” He admits as you study the image harder, mind racing to put the pieces together as to what the hell you’re looking at.

“No, I think I might know this....erm is it...me?” You wonder, voice raising in question, hoping to be correct about this or face the teasing of Henry.

Lauren quickly zooms out of the obscured image, “It is!” She says excitedly, revealing the picture of you from your characters debut in episode 2 where you save a girl from a werewolf, your mouth is covered in blood and so is most of your costumes chest area and left arm from the struggle. Not to mention the make-up teams fun 20 minutes of throwing fake sticky blood all over you to get the right look for the taxing scene.

You grimace a bit, “Oh god that was quite the day on set,” You recall with a half smile, “I was doing stunts all day covered in that red syrupy dye, I think it took a week to get out of my skin.”

Henry suddenly snorts with laughter, “Right! That reminds me, I thought Kal had gotten cut or something, it was just Y/N who had hugged him not realizing she still had some fake blood on her arm.”

“Jeez that’s right, I felt so bad, but I couldn’t stop laughing once we realized it was just me.”

Lauren grins, excited to hear some hidden information about little things that happens behind the scenes, “Oh wow that must have been a sight, alright Henry, Y/N’s taken the lead with a two to one score.” She says as you playfully nudge his strong shoulder. “Second to last image, what is this?”

Without missing a single beat Henry replies, “Jaskier.”

Squinting at the image you lean closer to the iPad, “How the hell do you see Jaskier?”

Smiling the interviewer zooms out to reveal the bards full outfit from the banquet scene, though he’s in the background of a fight between Geralt and some Cintran knights. “Right on!” She exclaims as you lean back into your seat dumbfounded, shoulder flush against Henry’s as he clutches your arm and squeezes it affectionately.

Ignoring his silent show of victory you shrug, “And they say he’s just another pretty face,” Earning a laugh from Lauren and some of the crew as you smirk at the camera, face them shifting to apologetic, “also I’m so sorry Joey you beautiful bastard apparently I’m blind. Uh, we don’t have to dwell on it, Lauren whatcha got?”

“You guys are both tied with two points each, last chance to win.” She replies before glancing down at her iPad, “Alright, what is this?” She asks, her iPad showing that of fuzzy bright colors, with a small corner smear of dull white that clearly wouldn’t make much sense to the untrained eye.

Smirking you glance at a puzzled Henry before sitting up in your seat, feeling rather good about yourself, “Would that happen to be, Hen in Stregobor’s illusion?” You answer with, though sounding a bit as a question considering you aren’t entirely confident as to what image this is.

Lauren’s brows raise in surprise, “Henry, looks like we have a winner. Y/N you are correct.” She beams, enlarging the image to reveal Geralt’s side profile as he talks to the old wizard while the background stays colorful and shrouded in various arrays of sunlight..

Shaking your fist victoriously in the air you give a couple enthusiastic whoop whoops while Henry simply takes it like a champ, “Have fun cleaning up Karl’s monster turds, cause this lucky lady doesn’t have to.” You boast as Henry and the crew laugh.

“Well that was something,” Beams Lauren, “I’m so glad to have chatted for a bit about your guys’ amazing new series, and maybe ended a relationship in the process.” She says jokingly as both you and Henry chuckle.

Patting his thigh affectionately, you smirk, “He’s a tough old bear, but yeah, it was awesome having you talk to us.”

“Yes, take care now.” Adds Henry while the interviewer Lauren stands, saying her goodbyes as she goes to exit the room.

The camera crew take a small break to adjust things and whatnot as you and Henry wait patiently for the next interviewer. He turns, an adorable smile pulling at his lips while you pretend to ignore his fiery gaze. “Well that went pretty well, minus the fact that I’m on Kal poop duty for a week...but uh...” He leans in close to you now, “I missed you all morning.”

Breaking out into a smile you raise a brow, “Boring without me huh?”

“Always.”

You casually shrug, “I figured as much. Don’t worry, we have a hotel all to ourselves tonight.” Your brows wiggle suggestively causing your blue eyed lover to shake his head with amusement.

“Say it louder next time.” He jokes.

Side eyeing the oblivious crew you begin to speak a couple octaves louder, “Henry I can’t wait to fu..” Suddenly his hand presses against your mouth before you’re able to call any attention to yourself. He gives you a warning look before slowly pulling his hand from your mouth.

You grin mischievously, “I wasn’t gonna say that...”

“Sure Y/N,” He mutters in your ear as a new interviewer walks into the room and finds their chair, “and I’m wasn’t going to make you scream tonight.”

Your brows raise in surprise and admittedly slight arousal at his choice of wording in this room of all places. Eyeing him up, face still showing surprise, you finally break out into a satisfied smirk. “You know what? I think you should consider changing your offer.”

He thinks deeply for a moment, though you know he’s only pretending to get you riled up, “Hrmm...maybe, possibly, should I? Should we? You are my co-star after all, that wouldn’t be very professional now would it Y/N?” He states with a shit eating grin, all done while the crew and interviewer get ready, minding their business and completely unaware to yourself and Henry’s teasing.

Scoffing playfully you lightly swat his arm, “We are way past being professional.”

He chuckles, looking from you to the rest of the room, “Oh, they have no idea.”

[theliterateape]

We Killed Jason Todd

By Matt Markman

In 1988 my friends and I killed a kid.

He was just a boy really. We had help it wasn’t just me and my pals. there were adults involved, lots of them. I mean we were young we were just thirteen and really couldn’t comprehend the ramification of our actions, the adults knew what they were doing. I’m painting it to sound way more sinister than it was, and in today’s society, wouldn’t trend on Twitter but maybe in the ’80s, it was probably considered quite ominous.

To set your mind at ease, it was Jason Todd. You know, Batman's sidekick, The Boy Wonder, Robin—well, the second Robin anyways. And I helped kill him.

I was big into comic books but my favorite was, The Dark Knight, The Caped Crusader, The Batman… He donned the best costume, he had all the money and was the most intelligent of all the superheroes. That last trait right there, the fact that he was considered a superhero and he had no actual super powers made him cooler than the other side of the pillow. You know how The Big Bang Theory has convinced the world it’s an Emmy-winning sitcom worth watching? I think it’s the fact that Batman was someone any one of us could actually be. Sure we needed to start with a base coat of genius followed by a splash of handsome billionaire playboy then train overseas in martial arts for several years, but if you had those things you, too, could be a vigilante. You ask me today and I'd stand by the fact that Batman would beat Superman in a fight, say ten out of ten times. This is not debatable because super beings from another planet are not real.

My favorite thing about Batman, though, is his ability to balance out good and evil. He spawned one of the greatest comic book villains and fictional characters ever created, The Joker. They have tried and tried again but in my opinion never got close to the Clown Prince of Crime—maybe Negan from The Walking Dead, he's pretty ruthless. The Joker is what would happen if a stand-up comedian became a criminal mastermind, so basically the plot of the 2019 film Joker.

My love for Joker made sense because growing up I was always more into the bad guys than the good guys. Watching and playing with G.I.Joe, I was always on the side of Cobra Commander, the twins Tomax and Xamot, and Zartan because they were always more glamorous and eye-catching than the boring ass Joes. Just once, I’d like that “knowing is half the battle” part at the end of the cartoon to have been Storm Shadow giving us kids a tip on how to fuck up Shipwreck and his stupid Parrot. Megatron, Skeletor, Shredder, Mumm-ra…

The list goes on, but the antagonists always resonated with me. they had a much better and more intriguing agenda than the good guys did. I know that wasn't the purpose, we were supposed to cheer on the good guys, like the idea of saving the world and all, but the mayhem… It’s like Alfred Pennyworth said, “Some men just want to watch the world burn.” It’s odd because the bad guys in my life were real, the bullies and I didn't like them at all. They tormented me daily unprovoked because I was short and had big ears. Perhaps my love for the dark side stemmed for my desire to be on that side because in real life there was no Superman swooping in to rescue me from the clutches of Lex Luthor. 

There were two sides, and good had a lack of champions looking out for the weaker, smaller good guys. The bad guys in my neighborhood, well, they were real and never really foiled and more importantly, they always got the girl in the end. Fuck the good guys!

My admiration for evildoers achieving their agenda was tested in 1988, Batman was running a four-part series called A Death in the Family. It was your typical Batman arc. Somehow, The Joker was going to get the upper hand on The World’s Greatest Detective only to be bested in the end by Batman. But this time, the third comic decided to do something nobody had never seen in the industry. The writers were going to give the fans the opportunity to decide where they were going to go with the story, only it was an option between two different roads, one quite unconventional. Apparently a few years earlier, one of the writers, Dennis O'Neil, had seen a sketch they did on SNL where Eddie Murphy held up a Lobster—Larry the Lobster—and was asking viewers to decide whether Larry was boiled and eaten or was to be set free. The choices were offered in the form of two phone numbers both costing fifty cents a call. One number was a vote for him to be freed and the other number was a vote for Larry to be murdered, smothered in butter, and devoured by Axel Foley. Ultimately, after nearly 500,000 calls, the people voted for Larry the lovable lobster to be pardoned with a 12,000 call margin. The popularity of this bit intrigued O'Neil and A few years later he decided to implement it in his Death in The Family storyline.

In the third book, The Joker had taken Batman's sidekick, the Boy Wonder, hostage. He’d beaten him bloody with a crowbar leaving a cliffhanger to be wrapped up in the fourth book. The last page of the comic was full page and at the top read in true ’80s Do the Right Thing fashion: “Robin will die because The Joker wants revenge, but you can prevent it with a telephone call!” They even phrased it to steer you down the hero’s path, like you can literally be Batman with one phone call. Underneath the imploring verbiage were two numbers, dial one number; The Joker fails and Robin lives, Batman would once somehow saves the day. However, call this other number and The Joker succeeds and Robin dies. Gruesomely.

Wow! They were going to let the fans decide the fate of Robin, really this was one of my earliest introductions to a reality voting competition type show. In my opinion, it was a bad idea. Robin was always the worst. Go back and read through an adventure or two involving Jason Todd and tell me he wasn't always whiney and bellyaching. He was never going to be iconic or cool like Bruce Wayne or even his predecessor Dick Grayson—the first Robin. See, Dick got pissed off, decided he was tired of being in Batman's shadow, ditched the Robin costume, threw on a black blue and gold costume, moved to another city and became Nightwing. Dick was a go getter, ambitious. Grayson’s Robin was a winner, Todd's Robin was an irritating little bitch; he was not an innocent lobster.

I went to my mother and asked if I could make a call that was going to cost just fifty cents and I would pay her back or she could just take it out of my allowance. She wanted to know what it was for and mostly wanted to confirm it wasn't for an adult sex line, which costs more than fifty cents a minute, but that’s a different story. It was nothing as tawdry as phontercourse, I just wanted to help murder an annoying teenage sidekick. My mother response was “Oh, yeah, that’s fine.”

I think after it was exposed that it wasn't phone sex anything else I said went in one ear and out the other, surely she didn't think I was actually voting for a plucky comic book sidepiece to be murdered by The Joker. So that’s what I did. I cast my vote along with a majority of DC comic book fans that shared my detest for the boy wonder. Ten thousand votes were recorded with a narrow margin going to Robin dying. I think the writers never suspected that fans would go that route.

O’Neal himself voted for Robin’s stay of execution. A man of his word, Batman issue #429 was released and Robin was killed by The Joker in an explosion and we were to blame for it. Sad to say but you give a bunch of comic book nerds the power I think it would go bad every time. That day we were all proud to be The Joker's henchmen. I felt like a soldier at the end of Star Wars cheering madly while The Joker received his metal shouting, “I helped that happen!”

So many shows these days embrace our fascination with the anti-hero with the success of The Sopranos, The Shield, Breaking Bad, hell Narcos had me rooting for Pablo Escobar—Pablo fucking Escobar. I wouldn't say I was a bad person growing up. Quite the contrary, I was a shy nerd with no power to do anything but pick my books up after they were smacked to the ground. What I’m saying is don't give me the power to make important life or death decisions with your franchise because myself and the other dorks will have the bodies of Orko, Snarf, and Jimmy Olson lying in a shallow grave, just tell me what number to dial… or text.

Matt started performing standup comedy in 2004 in Las Vegas and is now a regular at every major comedy club on the Las Vegas strip. He released his first comedy album in 2016 titled Uncut available on iTunes. More about Matt and his upcoming appearances can be found on MattMarkman.com.

[maybedefinitely404]

Day 11: Intruloceit (pt 2)

@tsshipmonth2020

The sequel y’all were waiting for! (@hoppe-ideas)

Day 11: ‘Choose your own adventure’ day! I chose to continue from Day 9, since I couldn’t very well leave it there.

Content warning: allusions to abuse, Remus being Remus (need I elaborate?), implied past panic attack, mention of bipolar disorder, and of course, Janus’ crippling insecurities. Angst with a happy ending. 

Word count: 4k

*READ DAY 9 FIRST*

Blue: What time are you available?

Green: What is this, a doctor’s office? I’m free after lunch 

Blue: I was merely tr

Green: I know, I know. I’m just teasing you. It’s endearing, my little mocking-nerd. Bring your textbook, I’ll meet you in the cafeteria. It’s octopus learning time!

Blue: I will never understand you.

Green: Good 

He drew a crude rendering of the devil emoji, then a heart, and the conversation ended as quickly as it began.

--------------------------------------

Green: What would happen if you injected coca cola into your bloodstream

Blue: No.

Green: It’s just a question!

Blue: I’m assuming you would die.

Green: Damn. Can we try anyways?

Blue: No!

Green: C’mon, for science?

Blue: NO! Why did this question even arise?!

Janus hid a small chuckle, before immediately slapping a hand over his mouth. Even if the writing was as much on his arm as it was theirs, it still felt wrong to read it. Felt wrong to admit that he was starting to enjoy their shenanigans.

-------------------------------------

Green: Hey

Blue: Hello, my dear. What is so important that you couldn’t text me?

Green: my mom broke my phone and I’m having an attack

Janus sat straight up, his calligraphy pen clattering to the floor, effectively ruining the large swooping letters he was working on with a splattered gold streak. This was the first message the two had shared that wasn’t either Blue’s notes about homework or Green’s odd creative ideas, or cheesy conversations between the two that Janus tended not to read. It felt like intruding on someone’s life. He hadn’t learned their names yet, and while they always stuck to the same color scheme, he knew at this point he’d be able to distinguish their handwriting with no hesitation. It was his version of hearing their voices, and he’d started growing attached to them. He turned his full attention to the conversation on the back of his arm, feeling a surge of worry.

Blue: I’m on my way, be at the curb in ten minutes?

Green: thanks

Blue: Remember those breathing exercises. Try to stay calm. 

Green: please hurry

Blue: I’m driving as fast as I can, love.

The messages ended there, and Janus didn’t sleep that night.

----------------------------------------------------------

Blue: Happy birthday, Remus. I hope you have an amazing day.

Remus: Are we still good to go for tonight? 

Blue: Of course. I had Roman and Patton help plan most of the date, so I hope you enjoy it.

Remus: Logan, if it’s with you, I will~ 

Logan: You’re a sap.

Remus: And you love it

Logan: Guilty.

Never had Janus felt so alone. It was one thing to have anonymous messages scribbled on your arm, little doodles and good luck wishes, but to know their names? That brought on a whole new round of tears that he hated himself for. Remus and Logan. The names of his so-called soulmates, the labels he could finally put to the personalities. As much as he hated to admit it, waking up had become a whole lot easier since they’d started appearing on his skin. It was something little to look forward to.

It also hurt, just a little bit more. Before he was eighteen, he’d been able to imagine his situation like his parent’s, with a soulmate who would end up hating and hurting him, and it was easy to decide to never communicate when the time arrived. And even if they seemed like genuinely good people, every time he lifted a pen to respond, to announce his presence, he stopped himself, as his father’s words rang through his head.

Why would anyone want you, Janus?

You’re a mistake, and they’ll see that instantly.

Honestly, what good do you even have to offer a soulmate?

He didn’t want them to be true, but it wasn’t like anyone had ever told him differently. His mother avoided his eyes and was silent, his peers treated him like a disease, so those words were the ones he started to believe. So he capped the pen, pulled his sleeve down, and ignored the small feather light tickles as they spread across his arms. 

------------------------------------------------

Of course, it wasn’t avoidable forever. 

It was writing on skin, did he think that was something he would never do accidentally? Was he really that stupid? They were going to be so pissed when they found out how long he’d been snooping on their conversations. They’d hate him. They’d never be open to the idea that he was somehow meant to be in their lives. He was done. He was such an idiot.

These were the thoughts raging through his mind as he looked down over himself in shock, spilled amber ink shimmering on his skin. It was an accident; an opening of an ink pod combined with over enthusiastic dancing to the Chicago soundtrack, leading to a faltering concentration and skin covered in staining gold. He’d been sitting cross legged on his chair when the cartridge exploded, and he’d bounded to his bathroom to try and wash it off, but it had only been partially successful. There was no doubt in his mind that they would see it. It had covered a good majority of today’s messages on his arms, smeared across his shins from hurriedly trying to wipe it away, and speckled across his face like the world’s most unfortunate freckles. 

He dropped back into his chair, his music now turned off, and laid his head on the cool wood of his desk. The ticking on his clock was the only sound in the room and he counted each one, mentally marking the minutes as they passed by. Waiting. Five minutes of silent fear had passed before a new anxiety began to rise in him. What if they were his soulmates, but he wasn’t theirs? He’d heard of it happening, ever so rarely, that soulmarks weren’t reciprocated. If that was true for him, and he was starting to become sure it was, they wouldn’t see the ink. They never would. He would be forced to live the rest of his life on the outside, reading their life on his skin but never able to take part. Somehow that seemed a lot worse now that it wasn’t his choice.

Just as he was starting to spiral, a familiar tickle on his arm snapped him back to the present. His head jerked up, hair falling into his heterochromatic eyes as he followed the dark blue script, starting just under the largest golden spill.

Hello? 

And how should he respond to that? He couldn’t think of a fun one liner, a sassy quip, to introduce himself. For the first time in his life, lying wasn’t an option, and he hated that. He grabbed the first pen he could grab, a black ballpoint, with shaking fingers.

Hi. Well, that was lame. 

You’re our soulmate. It was less of a question, more of a statement. Janus took a deep breath, bringing the pen down again.

Yes. 

I’m sorry. What he was apologizing for, he couldn’t quite put a finger on. But it felt right. Apologizing was simply second nature to him.

Whatever for?

He didn’t know how to answer that time, so he did what he always did best, and watched. Waited again, hoping that Blue (Logan, he remembered vaguely), would just drop the subject. This was the most conversation he’d had with someone in a while. 

My name’s Remus. The other dork is Logan. 

The green ink appeared under the blue, and Janus’ heart dropped painfully in his chest. As if he didn’t already know their names. It’s not as if he could say that, though. 

You seem kinda shy. It’s cute 

Let them speak, Remus. 

Both of them went silent, offering time to allow Janus to write. But he didn’t know what to say, how to explain… 

So he didn’t. He yanked down the sleeves of his pajama top, pulling the edges over his hands to hide the now dried golden  ink, and collapsed onto his bed, dooming himself to another night of restless sleep. 

----------------------------------------

If Janus had the choice, he wouldn’t have gone to school the next day. He would have laid curled up under his blanket, struggling to tune out the sound of his parents arguing, letting the world pass him by like an old camera reel. Janus didn’t have the choice though, not when he remembered it was nearing the end of the year and exam season was drawing closer, and then the bickering downstairs became motivation. Good grades would equal an out-of-state college, which would mean getting away from thrown dishes and slamming doors. 

Even so, that didn’t mean that Janus didn’t regret the entire day of school. It seemed like a breath of fresh air when the lunch bell rang and the students shuffled out of the class in a lump, leaving just him and Mr. Sanders behind, as per usual. Just as he reached down to pull his lunch out of his bag (just a handful of cold scrambled eggs he had set aside from his already meager breakfast), the teacher spoke.

“I actually have a meeting today, Jay. You’re gonna have to find a different place to have lunch.”

“What?” Janus recoiled as he spoke, his own voice sounding foreign to him. He hadn’t meant to talk back, half expecting a lecture, and was surprised when the teacher’s expression morphed into one of sympathy.

“Sorry, bud. It’s a staff meeting, and I couldn’t find a TA to watch the room over the break. It’s only for today. Cafeteria is open though, I’m sure you can find an empty table there. Or better yet,” He smiled softly, lifting his laptop bag onto his shoulder, “Sit with someone. I’m sure it’ll be okay.”

Janus picked up his bag as well, rushing from the room without a second glance. He didn’t feel like explaining that the reason he sat alone wasn’t his choice, and he couldn’t help it. He was just tired of being pushed away, so why not make the first move himself. 

The path to the cafeteria was hardly trodden by him, and he tried to take in the pictures of past grad classes on the wall for as long as possible before his time was up. The security guard marching the halls gave him a pointed look, reminding him that he couldn’t stay in the hallways during lunch, so he hunched his shoulders and walked into the lunch room. He cursed the weather under his breath for being so damn hot today; he would melt in his hoodie and gloves to cover the ink. Luckily the splatters on his face blended in enough with the skin tone to be unnoticeable. 

The first thing he noticed is that it was loud. People shouted, trays clattered, and Janus wanted nothing more than to curl up in his hoodie. Social interaction. Gross. The second was that Mr. Sanders had been right, there was a line of empty tables at the back that people seemed to avoid in favor of grouping together in the center. The third and final thing was the overwhelming sense of loneliness that flooded Janus as soon as he walked in. Sitting alone in an empty room was one thing, choosing to sit alone in a crowded room was another. 

For a split second, the teacher’s words ran through his mind, and he wondered briefly if he should join a group, only for his anxiety to immediately shut the idea down with a shriek of are you crazy?!

He chose the closest table to the door that was untouched and sat hesitantly, appetite lost. All he had to do was get through an hour of this, he thought painfully. If he paid close enough attention, he could tune into other people’s conversations, and if he closed his eyes and drifted far enough, he might actually imagine that he was a part of them. 

“Hi!”

Janus’ eyes shot open and he shrunk back as if he’d been slapped. Standing in front of him was a guy he recognized from his math class, bouncing on his heels enough to make his blonde curls fall into his eyes. He was grinning from ear to ear, gleaming teeth matching the white collar that stood out from under his blue sweater. 

“Do you want to sit with us?”

His critical glare didn’t deter the overly joyful guy as he gestured over Janus’ shoulder, encouraging him to look. He did, albeit reluctantly. Four people were sitting at the table behind him, three caught up in a spirited conversation. The last one was staring back at him owlishly through thick square glasses, and surprisingly, Janus wasn’t unsettled by the look. 

“Come sit with us!” The happy guy said again, looking like he was refraining himself from just grabbing Janus and pulling him over. His round glasses had started edging down his nose as he hopped from foot to foot.

“Are you sure?”

“Yep! Please?” He drew out the word for several seconds. Janus couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at his lips, nodding mutely and gathering his backpack. His anxiety started again, pelting him with ‘they’re going to hate you’s and ‘this changes nothing’s, but he pushed them down resolutely. It was just the one meal. Tomorrow would be back to normal, eating lunch by himself in Mr. Sanders’ room. And he really couldn’t say no to that hopeful face. 

“Yay! Okay,” He led Janus to the table, dropping into one of the two empty seats and pointing to the one next to him. He took a deep breath before gushing on, “Sit! Okay, okay, okay, so I’m Patton, purple-hair is Virgil but they hate the name so you can just call them V. We all call them V. That’s Logan, and the twins are Roman and Remus. Remus has the white streak, but it’s actually really easy to tell them apart once you get to know them.”

Janus’ blood froze in the middle of Patton’s gleeful rant. Those names… those were all the names that kept popping up over the five months of secret soulmate snooping. That wasn’t a coincidence, right? Most of those names weren’t exactly common.

His eyes shifted to the two Patton had introduced as Remus and Logan, sitting shoulder to shoulder across from him. Remus had halted whatever he was talking so animatedly about in favor of greeting the newcomer, but Janus couldn’t get himself to wave back. Instead he dropped his gaze to their loosely intertwined hands on the table, feeling somewhat lightheaded at the identical golden stains covering both of them. 

So... he ran. He wasn’t proud of it, and he was somewhat certain that he’d made a scene, but he couldn’t do it. His own self doubt was crippling, all his fears rushing him full forced and reminding him just how little he mattered, how messed up his life had made him, how he would only ruin any possible relationship. This was all too real now. They fit so well to the picture he had unintentionally made of them in his mind; navy blue button up tops and slicked back hair, green bomber jackets and mussed up shoulder length curls. Eyes that glinted with barely concealed mirth, a dimpled grin revealing almost razor sharp canines. Two polar opposites, so perfectly built for each other, soulmates. He would just come along and ruin it. 

Screw the sun, he thought, as he sat on the scalding hot bleachers by the football field. To his extreme annoyance, tears had started drifting down his cheeks, and he hurriedly wiped them away from sheer habit. His dad didn’t like tears almost as much as he didn’t like Janus. It wasn’t like they would know it was him, right? All they knew was a stranger had been invited to their table and had booked it before they even got his name. So he could stay a mystery, a fly on the wall, for the rest of his days.

The all too familiar feeling on his arm was more of a curse now than it ever had been. Resigned to his fate, he rolled the sleeve up to read whatever the two were no doubt talking about. 

Hi. 

He looked around frantically despite his better judgment, his eyes landing on a figure standing at the end of the bench, uncapped pen in one hand and one blue sleeve rolled up. Logan regarded him with a careful look, locked in a staring contest that neither wanted to look away from. The other broke first, turning his focus to his steps across the rickety surface as he approached Janus. He took a seat, mumbling something about how hot it was, before scribbling something else onto his arm and capping the pen. Janus tried to fight the urge to look down at his own still-bare arm, but he couldn’t resist a quick peak.

I found him. Bleachers in the north field.

“Why don’t you take off the gloves, at least. It’s almost ninety degrees out.”

Welp. Apparently this was happening. “How did you know?” He whispered, not touching his gloves.

“Remus and I both felt naturally drawn to you as soon as you walked into the cafeteria. We could not and still can not explain it. When Patton followed our gaze, he was more than eager to invite you over. Not that he needed the prompting, I am certain he would have invited you over regardless of Remus’ and my feelings the moment you sat alone,” Logan stopped briefly, taking note of the new green smiley face under his last message, “Your reaction to our names and hands in rapid succession was enough to solidify our previous suspicions. That-” He pointed to the shared messages on their skin, “-was the final proof I needed.”

They sat in comfortable silence for a moment, Janus at a complete loss for words, until a loud clang to their right grabbed both of their attentions. Remus was clinging to the railing like a vine, having climbed all the way from the bottom, he realized with a start. The older man crawled over the top and landed solidly, rattling the seats, before bouncing over to them.

“Hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi!” He plopped onto the bench in front of Janus, sitting backwards to face them. Consequently, he was slightly lower than the other two, and could see Janus’ usually ducked face for the first time. “Oooh, I like your birthmark! Is it a birthmark? Or a burn? Either way, I don’t care. I like it.”

“Gee, thanks,” Janus snarked before he could stop himself, his self protective tendency rising to the surface. Remus only giggled in response, manspreading a tad more and leaning forward on his elbows. 

“I like him, Logan. He’s feisty.”

“I’m so glad I have your approval.” He was on guard now, he couldn’t help it.

“Remus, stop pestering him. He just met us.”

Remus grumbled under his breath but held his tongue. Logan could silence him, he’d have to remember that for the future. If they had a future. He couldn’t help the sliver of hope since they had actually come to find him… but maybe it was to let him down easy. No clue.

“When did you turn eighteen?” The question shouldn’t have shocked him the way it did; it was a valid thought.

“Five months ago.”

And he waited, expecting the worst at the sharp intakes of breath from both of them. Expected them to stand up and leave. Expected them to call him a creep. Expected them to… anything, really. 

Well, anything except take his hands. Which they both did.

It was like they could speak telepathically, the way they seemed to be so in sync. Maybe that was a soulmate thing. Remus reached forward and weaved their fingers together at the same time that Logan placed his hand over Janus’ left one, squeezing it gently. They were both calming gestures in their own ways, and admittedly the most contact Janus had felt in maybe years. If that wasn’t enough to bring back his tears, Logan’s next words certainly were. 

“Why didn’t you write right away?”

“That’s so much missed time we could have spent together,” Remus chipped in, eyes surprisingly soft. 

“I…” Oh, for fuck’s sake. Better let them see how messed up he is now so they can walk away before he gets attached. More attached. “My parents are soulmates and they ended up hating each other. He’s a jerk, he hurts her and me and I didn’t want that to happen to me and my soulmate. Soulmates, I guess. Then the first thing I saw was you guys talking, and I realized, there’s two of you,” He laughed humorlessly, shrugging nonchalantly, “You wouldn’t be missing out if I never made myself known, and what kind of asshole would I be if I intruded on your relationship anyways? It’s not like I can add anything worthwhile. I’m not… that great of a person. I never have been. I have too much baggage and I’m pretty boring and I only scare people away so if I were you I’d get out while I had the chance.” His cracking voice gave away how he actually felt, and he despised himself for it. In all honesty, there was nothing he wanted more than to be held and loved and wanted. He’d never had that before in his life, was it a crime to not want to be pushed aside forever?

To his utter confusion, neither of them pulled away. He’d just vented to two strangers, and they were still as attentive as before. 

“Now, we don’t have time to unpack all of that,” Remus hummed in a decent impression of John Mulaney, letting his thumb glide over Janus’. 

“So if I’m correct,” Logan stated in a tone that implied he usually was correct, “You didn’t contact us because you didn’t want to burden us, or get yourself hurt.”

“I mean… yeah.”

“I’m going to kill your dad,” Remus chirped all too brightly, “For hurting you. And for ever making you think that we would hurt you.” 

“Remus!”

“It’s true!”

Logan sighed heavily, “Remus is a little extreme, sometimes, but he is harmless. Look, I can assure you that your presumptions are entirely false. We would never harm you, and anything you’ve gone through in your past, what you call baggage, is not a deterrent to us in the slightest.”

“I have bipolar disorder, and a whole wacky past that we’ll get into another time,” Remus added, waving away Logan’s ‘shut up’ face, “And in the fifteen years I’ve known this nerd, he’s always stood by me.”

Janus knew it was supposed to feel better, but learning that the two have known each other since long before they knew they were soulmates suddenly made Janus feel that much more like he was intruding. Remus must have noticed his expression, because he quickly kept going.   

“All I mean is that we have our fair share of baggage, my multicolored friend-”

“Remus!”

“Both of us do. So you won’t be hurting us in any way, shape, or form. And we won’t hurt you either.”

Janus’ own doubts were still raging inside him, but each word they said was adding splashes of water, slowly dousing the flames, much to his dismay. Even Remus’ attempts at humor were delighting him in ways he wasn’t used to. 

“For some reason, the universe wants us together somehow. We’re meant to be in each other’s lives. Aw gross, that sounds like something Roman would-”

“Trusting us will be a slow process, and we understand that,” Logan interrupted smoothly, “You don’t need to believe our words, because we’ll prove it to you. Alright?” 

It took a second until Janus nodded, but he did. He could hardly understand it himself.

“Can you start by telling us your name?”

“Janus.” It was a near whisper, a confession of the name he’d disliked since he was old enough to get bullied by his peers.

“The two faced Roman god of decisions, doorways, and new beginnings,” Logan spouted as if on instinct.

“Janus,” Remus repeated slowly, before a huge grin stretched across his face, “I love it.”

[heauxplesslydevoted]

And They Were Roommates (Bryce Lahela x MC)

Summary: A surprise leads to a major shift in Bryce and Casey’s relationship

A/N: Eeeek, this is my first time ever writing a Bryce x MC fic! The day you guys see me writing something not Ethan centric is the day you should play the lotto because it’s more rare than a unicorn sighting.

Anywho....please enjoy!

Tags: @drakewalker04 @canknot @lapisreviewsstuff @senseofduties @maurine07 @badchoicesposts @ermidc @sundaescreamcheese @danijimenezv @starrystarrytrouble @the-pale-goddess @gogotomago95 @have-aheart @aworldoffandoms @zaffrenotes @anotherbeingsworld @to-fangirl-or-not-to-fangirl @nazariolahela @the-unconquered-queen @writinghereandthere @omgjasminesimone @parkerattano @silent-storms-posts

~v~

“Okay, are we going out to lunch?” Casey asks, twisting her fingers into her skirt. From the passenger seat of Bryce’s car, the bustling streets of Boston fly past her. A tendril of her curly hair whips around in the wind, settling on her lip as it sticks to her tacky lip gloss. Bryce is a freaking speed demon and drives too fast for her liking.

But she does like looking at him when he’s behind the wheel. His grip on the wheel is relaxed, much like his posture, slouched low in the seat, right hand drumming against the gear shift. While it’s still winter, the sun is shining brightly, making the highlights in his hair and the light dusting of freckles adorning his nose stand out. Her boyfriend—even thinking that word makes her giddy—makes a pretty sight to behold.

“No, that’s not the plan. But we can go get food once we’re done,” Bryce answers..

“Ice skating?” Casey guesses. She watches as he shakes his head. “But ice skating sounds so fun.”

“We can go ice skating some other time, Case.”

“We’re going to the movies?”

Bryce chuckles. She’s been trying to guess all morning what he has planned for the day, and despite getting every single guess wrong, Casey comes up with another one at the drop of a hat. The persistence is admirable. “You’ll find out soon enough. Stop being so nosy.”

Casey pouts, feigning hurt. “I resent that! I prefer to be called naturally inquisitive. It makes me sound smart.”

“You’re nosy,” Bryce deadpans. “But don’t fret, we’ll be there in like, 5 minutes tops.”

He’s been excited from the moment he told her to get dressed, and Casey can see that his leg is bouncing up and down underneath the steering wheel. Whatever he has planned, he’s really excited about it, so Casey decided to keep quiet and enjoy the rest of the ride.

They enjoy the rest of the short ride, Casey scrolling through Bryce’s different Spotify playlists until she settles on the perfect song, but he’s pulling in and parking his car before she can even hit play.

An apartment complex was not what she was expecting to see. It’s a very nice apartment complex, located a few blocks away from Boston University. Casey can see the college students milling around, some adults walking their dogs, a few older more established couples, some with kids, some without going in and out of the building.

Now her curiosity is piqued. Is Bryce dragging her along to some surgeon friend’s apartment? Is this his idea of a Saturday adventure? Granted, he never promised her an adventure, just a surprise, and while she likes most of his surgical cohort, she’d rather be doing something else. Nonetheless, Casey doesn’t say anything, letting Bryce intertwine their fingers and lead her through the building.

They ride up the elevator in silence until they reach the 4th floor. It isn’t until Bryce reaches into his pocket and pulls out a key do the alarms go off on her brain. “Bryce? Did you–”

“I got a new apartment!” Bryce exclaims, cutting her off. “Surprise!”

Once the door is open, he’s pulling her in, his excitement palpable. Casey looks around the place. It’s unfurnished, the hardwood floors beneath them bright and freshly waxed. And even though she hasn’t looked around, she can already tell it’s much larger than his current 1 bedroom.

“Oh...wow,” is all that manages to come out of her mouth.

“I know! It’s in Keiki’s school district, thank god. And it’s a brand new unit, all stainless steel appliances, marble and quartz countertops, which are apparently huge deals when you’re apartment hunting. In-unit washer and dryer, walk-in closets, there’s a gym and a pool downstairs, a game room–”

Casey watches him as his animatedly rattles off all of the features in the apartment. His face is flush, pink with excitement, his words are breathless and tumbling out of his mouth all at once. She takes a step forward, cupping his face between both hands. “Bryce, I think you should stop and breathe.”

The command makes him flush hard, now from embarrassment. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine. You can continue now.”

“That was pretty much it. The main draw is that it’s a two bedroom, two bathroom apartment, so I don’t have to sleep on the couch anymore. Now Keiki and I will each have our own space. Do you think she’ll like it?”

“Will the 15 year old girl like having her own room, and not having to share a bathroom with her older brother?” Casey nods. “Absolutely. Keiki is a lucky duck.” She takes a few steps further into the apartment, silently appraising it. It’s beautiful from what she can see, and she hasn’t even seen the bedrooms. “Question: how are you affording this place? You’re a surgical resident, living in Boston is expensive, and I’m pretty sure Sallie Mae is eating most of your paychecks.”

Bryce looks down at his feet, shuffling them back and forth much to Casey’s dismay. He’s going to scuff the floors doing that. “I uh...I talked to my parents.”

“When?”

“A little over a month ago, before I enrolled Keiki in school. I called my parents and gave them quite the earful about not contacting Keiki once since she’s been in Boston, and I kinda let them have it. Turns out I’ve been holding in a lot of pent up...stuff regarding my parents.”

Casey’s eyes soften at his confession. They hardly ever have conversations about his parents, and when they do, it’s never good. “You want to talk about it?”

Bryce shakes his head, memories of that conversation trying to bubble to the surface. His mother tried her hand at making awkward small talk as if they hadn’t gone years without talking, while his father said nothing at all. He bites the inside of his cheek, willing the bad memory to go away. Negative thoughts of his parents don’t need to invade this space.  “Nah, it’s not important.”

Resisting the urge to call bullshit, Casey simply nods. “Agree to disagree, Bry. But we’ll table it for now and just continue your story.”

He’s grateful that she’s willing to listen, but not pushy enough to force him to talk, leaving the ball in his court. “Long story short, I told them that Keiki is welcome to stay with me in Boston and I wouldn’t make it public news that they all but abandoned their daughter and drag social services into things, if they allowed me to be her legal caregiver.”

“Really?”

“Yup. So I can be in charge of her education and medical decisions while she’s out here. It’s less permanent than me filing her guardianship, and my parents still legally have rights, but it makes things easier. And because of that, my parents are giving me a pretty generous monthly allowance for all of her expenses. Housing, food, school supplies, the works.”

“So child support?”

“Pretty much, yes. I didn’t ask for it, but the Lahelas like to throw money at their problems. Some of that money goes towards the rent here, the rest I put in a savings account for Keiki. I’ll gift her the money when she starts college, so she’ll have a bit of a nest egg, and won’t be dependent on ramen noodles and the McDermot’s dollar menu like I was.”

Bryce shoves his hands into his pockets and looks at Casey, trying to gauge her reaction. “I know I dumped a lot on you, and you probably think I’m insane for taking all of this on but–”

Casey wraps her arms around his waist and cuts him off with a quick kiss. “If I could look at you with literal heart eyes right now, I would.”

“Really?” 

“Really.” She leans forward, resting her head against the solid expanse of his chest. The faint scent of his laundry detergent and his cologne invade her senses, and she relishes in it. He smells like comfort, if there was ever such a thing. “I can’t believe you accomplished all of this in such a short period of time.”

“Well my lease was up, and I was trying to get Keiki situated in school, and it all sort of fell into place at the right time.”

“Stop trying to downplay it,” Casey orders. “You are strong, and brave, and you take initiative in any situation. I don’t know too many 27 year olds that would spring into action and volunteer to raise their teenage sisters, all while being a resident and trying to juggle their own personal life.”

The way she says it, the awe and idolatry in her voice makes his stomach flip. Bryce considers himself to be a pretty self-assured guy. He has a healthy level of self esteem, but something about Casey praising him always causes him to short circuit, without fail. “You make it sound so much cooler than it really is.”

“It is cool,” Carey argues. “You’re doing a noble thing, so let me give you compliments you deserve.”

He doesn’t meet her eyes immediately, the bashfulness still holding him tight. Eventually, Bryce looks up at her, her expression open and earnest. “You make me sound so much better than I really am.”

Casey grabs hold of his sweater and tugs him closer, forcing him to crane forward and be at her eye level. “Mhmm, it’s a hidden talent of mine. I happen to be an excellent salesperson.”

Bryce smirks, their lips barely brushing against each other, and mumbles “You’re such a dork,” before capturing her in a kiss. Casey responds instantly, matching his eagerness and fervor. It doesn’t take long for things to get more heated, his tongue slipping into her mouth, hands going to grip her waist.

She breaks to kiss to inhale sharply. “You’ve lived here for 5 minutes and you’re already trying to defile the place.”

“Can’t help it. You make me feel like a horny teenager again, baby.”

“Well stop it.”

Bryce rolls his eyes. “You’re no fun.”

“Come on loverboy, show me around. Give me the grand tour.”

They wander around the apartment at a leisurely pace, Casey pointing out all of the different things Bryce could buy to furnish the place—“What do you mean you’ve never gone to Home Goods?”—and admonishing his idea to shop on Craigslist. He’s an adult, not a college freshman, and his home should reflect that.

“You want to know what the best part is?” Bryce asks, leading Casey back to their starting point, the living room.

“What?”

“Keiki’s bedroom is on the other side of the apartment, separated by a pretty sizable living room.”

He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively, and she shoves at his chest, laughing. “And? Are you trying to say something?”

“Yeah, that one of us—you—can be pretty loud at times.”

Her cheeks heat up and she blushes furiously. “Well I’ll make sure to keep it quiet on the nights that I sleep over.”

“What if you didn’t just spend the night over here?”

He instantly regrets the way he phrased that sentence because it sounds like he just told her he doesn’t want her in his apartment. Casey frowns. “What do you mean?”

“Sorry! That sounded weird.” He flushes, stumbling over his words. Something about Casey Valentine makes him very nervous. “That’s not what I meant, I promise.”

Bryce grabs both of Casey’s hands, holding them close to his chest. “Move in with me.”

Her eyes widen at the suggestion. He wants to do what? “What?”

“I spent all of last year tiptoeing around our relationship, trying to keep things light and breezy when I really didn’t want that. And it took you being in that...horrible accent for me to finally reveal the full extent of my feelings for you. Now that we’re together and official, I don’t want to waste any more time.”

“I would like to go to sleep with you every night, your ice cold feet pressed against my legs, and your curly hair tickling my nose because you’ve invaded my side of the bed. And I want to wake up to you every morning, because even though you think you look crazy in the morning, I think you’re absolutely beautiful. I want us to cook together every day, or just you because you’re a much better cook than I am.” Casey giggles at his jokes, which only spur him on further. “Besides Keiki, you’re the most important person I have, and I want you here with me, permanently.”

When Casey doesn’t say anything immediately, Bryce understands. He just dropped a bomb—a few bombs actually—right at her feet, she needs time to process. But the silence stretches until it grows into something long and uncomfortable, and a thin sheen of sweat forms at Bryce’s hairline. Did he just shoot himself in the foot? Did he seriously overestimate her feelings for him, and the nature of their relationship?

Before he can open his mouth to renege on the invitation, Casey speaks. “We’re going to have to talk to your landlord, or the property manager, because a new lease needs to be drawn up.”

“W-what?”

“I mean, I assume it’s just you and Keiki listed on the lease, and I don’t want to just be a permanent guest staying in your apartment. I want it to be our apartment, so I need to be on the lease agreement,” Casey explains. “And I know you said your parents cover most of the rent on this place, but I want to contribute, so I guess I’ll be in charge of the–”

She doesn’t get to finish talking because Bryce is on her in an instant, his mouth crashing into hers in a fiery kiss. His fingers dig into her hips, walking her backwards until her back bumps into the kitchen island. In a quick show of strength, Bryce lifts her onto the island, and Casey has to break the kiss to hiss. 

“Shit, that’s cold!”

“Sorry baby.” He’s not the least bit sorry, flashing her his signature smirk. “I’ll warm you up.”

“And you say I’m the dorky one,” Casey teases, laughing as Bryce kisses her between each word.

“You are,” he insists, kissing down her neck. She squirms away from him as his lips find a particularly sensitive spot, but he holds her in place. “We bring that out in each other.”

He kisses her a few more times, some softer than others, some so deep, she feels dizzy when he pulls away.

“We’re really going to do this?” Casey asks rhetorically. “This whole living together thing?”

“We are. I asked, and you said yes, so you’re stuck with me, little lady.” 

There’s a smile on his face, so huge, Casey really thinks he might blind her with his pearly white teeth. She hasn’t seen him this relaxed, this unabashedly happy in a while. She can’t help but to smile back.

“You have to let me have creative control on furniture and decorations though.”

“This apartment is going to look like a furniture store magazine spread.”

Casey nods. “It’ll smell like the inside of a Bath & Body Works store in here, too.”

“You’re going to go crazy on the candles, aren’t you?”

“Oh absolutely. They also have cute wall plug-ins.”

Bryce laughs. “I don’t care. You and Keiki can do whatever you want to the place.”

“Mhmm, now you’re talking my language, Lahela.”

They talk excitedly, basking in the fun that this new journey is going to bring their relationship. They don’t know how much time has passed when the conversation finally dwindles down.

“Hey, Bryce?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you let me down from here?” Casey asks, gesturing to the countertop. Bryce has her caged in, arms on either side of her. “Despite your best efforts to warm me up with a make-out session, this thing is freezing cold.”

“No one told you to wear a mini skirt like this in winter, you naughty school girl.”

“I resent that! This skirt is very cute, and it would’ve looked even cuter had you taken me ice skating.”

Bryce rolls his eyes. He’s gonna have to take this girl to the ice skating rink, and soon. He trails his hands up and down her legs, taking in all the goosebumps that have popped up on her smooth skin.

“You want to know where this skirt would look even better?”

“Where?”

Gripping the backs of her thighs, Bryce lifts Casey off of the countertop and into his arms. “The floor of our new bedroom.” 

[worlds-smallestviolin]

Mother

Masamune x MC

genre: angst/fluff

word count:2208

summary: retelling of Masamune’s love’s union gacha story from MC’s POV

a/n: It always bothers me how MC just decides to stay in past without care about her family, so for stories sake let’s assume Sasuke went back to the future.

           With everyone asleep, Aoba was a quiet place; quite a contrast compared to how loud and lively it was during the day (it is Masamune’s castle, after all). Having changed into my sleeping robe, I was sitting on the futon, waiting for my lover to join me ( I’d say to sleep, dear reader, but we both know that would be a lie.).And my handsome Masamune was still at his desk, working despite the late hour. He may be a wild tiger, but he took his responsibility as a head of the clan very seriously. He did everything he could to make life easier for the people of Oshu. And I’m not just talking about him going to war or battling demons of paperwork. I mean little things as well, like cooking a meal for his men on patrol, or writting letters to his vassals to thank them or simply talk about what’s been going on lately. “You shouldn’t write in the dark. It’s bad for you’re eye.”, I broke the silence hoping to convince him to put down the brush for tonight. “I know, I know. I’ll be done in a second. You just wait for me like a good kitten”, he said, raising his head to flash me a smile that made my heart skip a beat or two. “Meow!”, My god, I’m such a dork. I hugged my knees to my chest, rocking back and forth. Masamune returned his attention to the letter he was writing, and again silence settled in.

Having nothing else to do but wait, I soon got lost in my own thoughts. Some time has passed since I started living here in Aoba. It still surprises me how quickly I’ve gotten used to the life here. Masamune encouraged my worked as a seamstress. He had a room prepared for me, where I could sketch and make clothes; I already had a few clients. He would often keep my drawings to hang on the wall, always repeating how much he loved my art. I’ve made friends with maids, and Kojuro and guys were always there to lend a helping hand. I spent my free time with Masamune, getting into all sort of adventures, and sometimes troubles. We would go for a ride, or a walk around town, we ate delicious food, we cooked together, we laughed and we made love. All in all, life was good. I remember how nervous I was in the days before we left Azuchi, worrying if I would be accepted in Oshu as I was among Oda. Not to mention that I’m still not completely used to the life in Sengoku period. Yes, things are great so far. But from time to time, I can’t help giving voice to my old insecurities. What happens if this doesn’t work out? The picture of my parants forms in my mind, only to slowly morph into that of Masamune and I. And their insults and shouts fall from our lips, that so far know only sweet kisses and sweet nothings. No, I don’t want to think of that.

I quickly try to banish those thoughts back into the dark corners of my mind. Luckly for me, a voice calls from outside our room. “Pardon me for the intrusion this late at night, my lord. There is a letter from Lady Yoshihime.” Masamune receives the letter and tells both man to get some rest. Once we are alone again, I couldn’t help voicing my curiosity: “Who’s Lady Yoshihime?” “My mother.”, he says, and something about his indifferent voice makes me feel uneasy. “I’ve noticed she doesn’t live in the castle with us…”The first day I came here they held a feast to celebrate Masamune’s return and my arrival, where Masamune introduced me to a lot of people that are important to him. You’d think that his mother would be among them. “She poisoned me when I was young. There’s messy politics with her side of the family, so it seemed best we live apart.”, he said it as if he was informing me about the weather outside.“I’m sorry, WHAT?” I misheard that, right? He did not just say his mother tried to have him killed. I stared at him, trying to process what he just told me. “It’s not that strange. When it comes to the succession of a clan, things often get ugly. With the loss of my eye, she must have thought I wasn’t fit to be the head of the Date and decided to take matters into her own hands.” Shock quickly turned into anger. She tried to kill her own child because of something that wasn’t his fault, something he couldn’t change. For a moment, I thought of my own mother, who believed motherhood to be the most sacred and joyous role a woman could have, who loved and supported unconditionally and would give up anything and everything for her children. I could not imagine how difficult it must have been for Masamune, being sick and losing your eye. And the one person who was supposed to love him more than anyone betrays him like that. My heart filled with sorrow. It must have shown on my face, because Masamune tried to reassure me with a smile: “I barely remember it. Must not have been that bad, or I wouldn’t have forgotten, right? If I let it trouble me, I wouldn’t be fit to be a lord, and that would only prove my mother right.” His words reminded me of what Master Kosai told me about Masamune. “One who would stand above others must be most strict with oneself. They must work as hard as their hardest workers and be always deserving of the praise their station affords them. Their pain they must learn to bear with on their own, for they will at times be alone. Those were the lessons I instilled in that young child. He survived by embracing what I taught him. So much that he no longer needs to ‘act’ to be the ideal leader from his lessons. But our nature is unchanging. In the deepest part of Masamune’s heart that injured young child remains.

Having read the letter, Masamune joined me on the futon. Smile on his face, he patted my head. But for a moment, a mere second, I saw something in the depth of his eye. You never tamed you’re demons, Masamune, you just kept them on a leash. And the wounds of heart are never quick to heal. You could try to ignore them, you might even forget them. But they remain there somewhere, waiting for a chance to overwhelm you. And if you cannot entrust them to anyone else, at least entrust them to me. So I pulled him down to bed with me, holding him close to my chest, his cheek resting against my breast. I run my fingers softly through his hair. “I want you to listen carefully to what I’m about to say. I love you, so you don’t ever have to hide how you feel when you’re around me. You’re not my lord, Masamune. You’re the man I love; a fun guy who acts all cool but has the most adorable blush, the one who can kiss my heart into a full stop and then restart it with a touch, someone who always protects me and encourages me. And I will always be here for you. So leave the perfect leader outside this room, and just be my Masamune.” He tried to protest but, I wouldn’t let him. Then he turned his face from me, and for a moment I thought he might cry. But after a while he met my eyes again. “I’ll try.”, he said with a smile. I guess old habits die hard. “That’s a start.” I kissed his forehead and continued running my fingers through his hair. Eventually I felt him relax as he drifted to sleep. But my brain was too busy for that. I was angry at Lady Yoshihime, I was sad for Masamune. And in the stillness of the night, my mind wandered to that dark corner again. I was afraid.

Hearing about Masamune’s mother made me think about my own parents. I knew they must be worried about me. Sasuke promised to deliver my letter. Hopefully, that will ease their hearts. It wouldn’t be the first time I disappeared of the radar. They were good parents, for the most part. Well, when it comes to my father, the best I can say is that he tried. He never failed to tell me he loved me. I never once doubted it. But he wasn’t the easiest man to get along with. He had his opinions and his expectations, and those were set in stone. Being his eldest child, the bar was set especially high for me. He worked two jobs to save money for my education. And though he never understood my passion for fashion, he supported me, so long as he didn’t have to listen to me talk about it. He never raised his hands on us, but his anger was something to be feared. My mother, on the other hand was a saint. I’ve never heard her raise her voice. No matter what troubled her, she always wore a smile. She was the one who took care of us when we were sick, fed us, helped us do homework or study for exam, attended every parents meeting, every school play… She was there to listen to us for hours and comfort us. She was there for every tear and every smile.

But as good as they were in their roles as parents, they were the worst couple I’ve ever seen. I could count the times I remember seeing them being affectionate towards each other on the fingers of my hands, if those hands were in a terrible accident and were missing a few fingers. Instead, there were fights and shouting, and then days of them ignoring each other, and us walking on eggshells around them. They would act more affectionate towards me and my brother, as if they were competing for our love. And it was always about something small and insignificant, a misplaced item or misheard word. It always ended with the ‘talk’ where my father would insist they just forget and move on. There were never any apologies, they never talked things through.

My parents didn’t marry for love, or at least if they did it was quickly spent. They did their best not to let their fights affect the kids. My childhood was for the most part a happy one. But the older I got, the more I noticed the cracks that began to show. They were not happy, although they stubbornly maintained that illusion. What makes someone choose to stay and live a life next to a person that makes them miserable? Why don’t you just leave him? I heard my aunt say to my mum one time. I do it for my children. I could never leave them. They are my everything. Maybe that was the moment when the fear was born, squeezing my heart each time she smiled. I was causing her pain just by being, a cage to a bird who otherwise could simply fly away. And I started to wonder if one day I too will be like that. “Mom, I love you. But I don’t want to become you.”, I said on the night before my cousin’s wedding, when the conversation inevitably turned into wedding talk, and I tell her I don’t ever want to marry. I see a heart breaking in those eyes. A single shard of glass melts and runs down her cheek; on its way, leaves my heart bleeding as well. Still she smiles: ” So long as you’re happy, I’ll be happy too.”.

The sky is still pale yellow-blue. I stared at the eye of a calm sea, and I felt calm as well; last night’s shadows fleeing before the morning light. Or maybe it’s Masamune’s touch that chases them away. He was always good at that, erasing my insecurities. Though I now know he was plagued by them too. Both of us are with hidden corners in our hearts, echoing with the words “You’re not good enough.” A doubt dwells in the back of the mind; his slumbers deep within, mine lingers just beneath the skin. Still I believe we’ll be alright. “ I want you’re face to be the first thing I see in the morning. Whether we’re at war, or everything is peaceful. I want that tomorrow, and the day after, and forever more.”, he brushed his finger along my cheek. I knew it won’t always be easy, I knew many things will try to break us apart. Still I believed in us. Whatever we might face, with you by my side, I was confident enough. “ My love for you will never change, Masamune.” He drew me to his chest, I felt his tears touch my head. The beating of his heart told me they were not tears of sorrow. I remained quietly in his arms, as another tear slides down my cheek. Mother, I’m happy now.    

[fizzingwizard]

Okay I really enjoyed this week’s episode! It set up a bunch of cool stuff that I can’t wait to see, and it was a fun watch. We got a number of desperately needed partner/Digimon moments, and we got some much needed Taiyama friendship action going on - as well as some other stuff I super appreciated (but still want more of). I’m so stoked for how the team is coming together.

We didn’t get a few things I normally would have expected, and I’m never quite sure if I feel that way because it’s truly missing or if it’s just that “this ain’t your momma’s Digimon Adventure” yadda yadda. I don’t think i’ll ever get used to Taichi being so serious in comparison to his 99 incarnation (but, I get the feeling he is more in line with original V-Tamer Taichi, so there’s that).

So not a slam dunk for me, but all in all, it was good!

I just took as many Taiyama pics as I could so why don’t we just knock one out of the way before we begin xD

They look so coooool all beat up and windswept

More below!

Sooo last week, the aptly named Eyesmon evolved into the equally well-named Orochimon. I always think “hydra!” (thank you Hercules) so initially my thought was that the plan would be for each of the kids to take out one head. Then I remembered, we only have six kids so far... and then I got a better look at it:

(this cap’s from much later but it shows the whole body so)

there was clearly one head that was significantly different from the others and appeared the most connected to the body! So the strategy was clearly lop off the central head because that’s what’s controlling the rest! A la VenomVamdemon only slightly less gross hahaha

Meanwhile back in real Tokyo, as Koushirou explains, the electronic pulse generated from this freaky Digimon’s battle is affecting anything digital, or even just anything that uses electricity.

Kaaaboom!

Our kids try to fight but it’s pretty obvious they’re out of their league. I did totally love MetalGreymon and Zudomon leading the charge together sort of. Because I continue to be a sucker for Taichi/Jou growth parallels! Anyway they both get knocked out and de-evolve so Taichi calls for them to regroup.

Aww piggyback

The way Jou carries Gomamon like an infant though ;___;

Sora and Garudamon lead the retreat, scooping everyone up and carrying them out of danger and omg look at Gomamon he looks so cozy gaaah

but not before Taichi realizes someone’s not with them... it’s Yamato of course... he’s just standing there... staring...

Why? Because “my little brother’s in danger in the real world!” That is adorable. Stupid but adorable.

Also stupid yet adorable... Taichi immediately runs to go get him. I have no idea WHAT his plan was but I am eternally grateful that he is such a dork because it gives adorable dorkiness like this:

and this

and ultimately this

pffffffftb

weregarurumon tries his best he really does

(no but really this is now my PREFERRED method of transportation for these two, one each tucked under WereGarurumon’s armpit and just dangling like that while he runs like crazy protecting his precious cargo... also look at Taichi holding onto Agumon’s arm the whole time eeeeeiiiii I love those detals it almost distracts from WereGarurumon’s expression of shock when they inevitably get shot and fall to their doom x’D)

yeah so everyone gets shot and falls to their separate dooms, and this was 100% just an excuse to put Taichi and Yamato alone together. The shonen action anime equivalent of “and there was only one bed!”

Jou continues to cradle Gomamon like his very own son

The kids wonder what to do and Jou has a cool moment here and there (like legit cool, where he acts all responsible)

... er, I did say “moment” :P

Meanwhile Koushirou is all cryptic and scary. That is his main job after all. You may think it’s to be the team brain, but it’s actually to make sure we viewers know just how terrible things really are so we can lose all hope of survival even though we already know they’re going to win x’D

I mean that is pretty scary tbh

Taichi breathes a sigh of relief. I wasn’t exactly surprised that he’s not running out to fight - even 99 Taichi usually understood when it was time for a strategic retreat. At the same time, maybe it’s just me, but I totally got the sense that he was scared in this scene. Not out of his head with fear, but definitely worried, I mean none of them seemed to have any effect on this monster earlier. It’s interesting to feel his tension.

“Yamato why did you just stand there in the street while we were trying to make our getaway?”

“Because... my little brother’s right in the center of danger back home... I can’t let this monster continue its rampage or he could get hurt...”

“Yeah man that’s all fine but I mean why did you just stand there in the street like an idiot I’m pretty sure you won’t be much use to your little bro if you’re steamrollered?!?!”

He looks so surprised that all this has been because of brotherly love. I can’t remember, is this the first Taichi’s hearing of Takeru? I know he wasn’t there when Yamato told Sora & co but maybe it was mentioned way back when they jogressed... Either way I wonder why he doesn’t say “I get it, I have a sister back home too that I’m worried about too.” Seems like a moment for bonding ya know?

That is the one thing I felt was missing here... we went through all the trouble of getting Taichi and Yamato alone together, and all that happens is Yamato confides something in Taichi that he’s already shared with the others. I mean, Taichi also shows his willingness to help Yamato and work together, and I think that is the important thing we’re supposed to take away, as Yamato’s all touched by it... but uh, for the most part I felt like not much happened in this scene, at least not that we haven’t already seen before.

Takeru’s phone, he’s waiting for a call from “oniichan” T-T my precious boy

And we actually get to see him!! His face!! His adorableness!! Ahhh Takeru I miss youuu!

Family photo! Parents’ faces not shown in the usual tradition of “divorcees in kids’ shows”! Also the tell-tale brothers are holding hands, but parents are standing as far apart as possible...

Meanwhile Taichi’s mom and sis are trying in vain to evacuate while their car flips out. Hikari sees an image of Orochimon broadcast on a nearby building and flinches away. No one else seems to notice it so maybe this is just her special ability like in 99 Adventure?

Traffic’s at a complete standstill and everyone’s electronics are going bonkers so Mama Yagami has them get out and head for the trains. Unfortunately this is what everyone else decides to do as well, and Hikari winds up like Simba in the wildebeest stampede, only there’s no one to jump in and save her so she tragically dies. :P

taichi: I see your ‘brother in danger’ and raise you one ‘dead sister.’

yamato: screw you

“You did great Mimi!!” A JOUMI MOMENT WE GOT A JOUMI MOMENT sort of okay but beggars can’t be choosers HE PRAISES HER (FOR STUFF HE WASNT EVEN THERE TO WITNESS THO LOL) AWWWW ITS SO CUTE

Then he remembers to praise his partner!!! All by himself! (Finally!) Gomamon’s so happy! It was so unexpected and he’s ecstastic!

Piyomon instantly gets jealous!!!! It’s so adorable!!! Sora is quick to reassure her that Garudamon is indispensable.

“And I’m the prettiest, right Mimi?”

“When you’re Lillymon, anyway.”

“D:”

lol the return of Mimi only appreciates Lillymon’s sense of fashion tickles me. an essential Mimi characteristic

Tentomon shyly and awkwardly tries to wring a compliment out of Koushirou too. It works, Koushirou is quick to tell Tentomon that he’s super cool as AtlurKabuterimon. I will be honest though, I wanted him to fail, just because we need to let these kids actually develop!! Their arcs are over so quickly! It took 99 Koushirou 52 episodes to be able to say “I love you” (I think it was “thank you” or something in the original Japanese but the point is he was being super honest and vulnerable at long long last). Imagine what an important moment this would have been if Tentomon’s “and me?” had been met with “huh? uh uh... I was thinking about how to defeat Orochimon... what are we talking about?”

That is something I continue to miss, not just with Koushirou but with everyone... their personal weaknesses just don’t really feel like weaknesses the way they did in 99 Adventure. And I’m just wondering why? For me, that was a driving force of what made 99 Adventure really great. It wasn’t afternoon special “stories with a moral” type drivel, because what they learned in the moment still had to build upon, and they would fail again, and learn again, and become their best selves slowly. And they’d risk a lot in the meantime. It was powerful to ten-year-old me. We are at ep 17 now and by this point in 99 Adventure, we’d had tons of scenes like that. I keep thinking “okay it’s early, we’ve got time!” but at this point it’s not so early anymore! But comparing with 99 Adventure is also a useless effort and I continue to choose to enjoy this show as its own separate thing and believe there’s still lots to come.

Taichi expresses his willingness to fight alongside Yamato even though as Yamato warn’s “it’s gonna be totes yabai”

Taichi: “I eat yabai for breakfast”

Yamato: “smiles”

jokes aside... the way Yamato smiles at Taichi is so cute! It’s hesitant, but once it’s there it doesn’t waver. He’s clearly starting to get used to relying on Taichi for backup, at least, and it’s no question that he feels friendship for him and the others, he’s just reluctant to admit it. The question is how all this will hold up when the situation’s reversed.

I LOVE this particular cap, Idk, there’s something about the sheer determination on Taichi’s face and the trust in Yamato’s as he looks back at him while they ride Garurumon directly into Orochimon’s line of fire... Fizz I think you’re reading too much into the animation. DON’T MESS WITH MY DREAMS OK I KNOW THESE KIDS BETTER THAN I KNOW MYSELF

obligatory Best Boy cap

Suddenly, in the real world, the fight is broadcast on the screens!! I was expecting this to happen every time a screen flickered, but once it did, I was like wow!! they’re going to let the whole world in on the secret of the digital world already!? and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that

BUT... that’s not what happened, maybe. Because so far the only ones who for sure are seeing these images of Digimon and the Chosen Children are Hikari and Takeru. No one else reacted to Orochimon and Mama Yagami doesn’t go “hey, that’s my son!” We could argue no one noticed because they were busy evacuating like maniacs, and Mama Yagami was busy looking for Hikari on the ground and not looking up at the screens. But it feels impossible that someone wouldn’t notice! So my current theory is only Hikari and Takeru can actually see these images... at least for now.

The fight rages. Meanwhile, the others soon catch up, as the only reason they were separated in the first place was to let Taichi and Yamato have a Moment. One thing I really liked though was Sora more or less leading the charge to join Taichi and Yamato. I want more of “second in command Sora” now and forever. (My personal headcanon since I was a kid was always that if something happened to Taichi, Sora, not Yamato, would take over. Tri did not go that way though :P)

Burning eyes of courage!!

They beat Orochimon by taking off his central head, as predicted. Then they all go and take a nap in the street. It is full of d’awww.

Gabumon and Agumon mimicking their partners’ body language always get’s a mega d’awwwww

Taichi: “That was yabai!”

Yamato: “I warned you it would be.”

Taichi: “Yeah, but we made it somehow!”

Yamato: “... smiles”

Uggggghhhh I can’tttttt with these two

Like Koushrou, Yamato is totally whipped by Taichi’s smile... oh dear... my heart is pulled in two directions... Taiyama... Taishirou... “my number one my number two...” (anyone else remember that dumb song there used to be tons of love triangle amvs on youtube set to it...)

I mean just look. look at Yamato looking at Taichi. he can’t make himself look anywhere else. ToT

Sora and Piyomon also win Adorable Award of the Day.

Honestly everyone gets it... I apologize for not having any cute Tentomon resting on Koushirou scenes capped! It’s because they drew Tentomon’s head freakishly big and I just couldn’t do it bahahaha but they were cute too

And that’s the end of... oh oh wait, did you think the battle was over? YOU NOOB. xD

every veteran Digi fan was not at all surprised to see this countdown appear and what looks like yet another bad guy evolution next week. Also next week...

... looks like Takeru’s finally going to join us!! Yaaaay! Very dramatically too it seems!

We got a glimpse of Hikari in a similar moment BUT... I’m not convinced Hikari will truly be joining us. She was separated from her mom and is clearly going to have a Digimon interaction of some sort like Takeru, but I think this is “eighth child” build up, one because the current ending theme is completely Takeru centric, and two because it just makes sense to me that Takeru would be Crisis One and Hikari will be Crisis Two. Idk of course it’s just a hunch.

Fizz before you said Hikari was killed in the stampede I WAS KIDDING

kidding about children dying??? OMG Y’ALL

maybe though Hikari’s swept away by those people, gets her Digivice, then is promptly captured by... idk evil Digimon, or shady government officials? More likely, she gets her digivice and helps but keeps it a secret and plans to show her brother when they reunite... we’ll see!

This ep I give 8/10!!

Ending with one more cool Taichi cap from next week’s trailer!

[ladyloveandjustice]

Winter 2020 Anime Overview: Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken!

Keep Your Hands off Eizouken! follows three high school girls: Midori Asakusa, Tsubame Mizusaki and Sayaka Kanamori, as they work together to create their own anime. They form a club on their high school campus, which they dub “eizouken” (the rough meaning of which is “film association”).

Awkward and spacey but endlessly creative, Asakusa takes on the job of director and also handles background animation. Mizusaki is a part-time model who has to dodge her parents disapproval over her pursuing anime, but she’s a whiz at character animation. And finally, there’s the tough-as-nails, blunt-as hell Kanamori, who doesn’t have much passion for animation itself but has a lot of passion for selling a good product, and she wrangles the two artists and reminds them of the bottom line.

Eizouken! is a vibrant artistic triumph bursting with wonder and ingenuity. I can’t really communicate just how good it is- this is truly a show that speaks to the existence of nerds, creative weirdos and (if you identify with Kanamori), the poor souls who have to deal with how ridiculous creative weirdos can be.

 The show finds great visual ways to express the creative and planning process for an enterprise, having the girls literally climb around in the settings and concept art they create, struggle to fly the planes they’ve designed, and so on. By doing this, it transforms what could have been a more standard narrative into a more unpredictable tale that switches between being a a thoughtful meditation on the different aspects of the creative and production process and a rollicking, wacky adventure story.

And it’s all carried by very strong characters. Even their designs are bold and distinct- its very rare to see a main protagonist female character in ANY sort of animation have a constant, unflattering grimace like Kanamori does, but it suits her cynical self perfectly. Eizouken! focuses on female characters, but unusually for anime, and let’s be real, animation in general, it doesn’t sand off any unique edges to make them as  generically cute’ as possible. Mizuasaki is the closest to a standard conventionally cute design, but that suits the fact she’s a part time model.  Thanks to the great animation, the girls also have a wonderful expressiveness that matches their striking designs. The great article The Glorious, Geeky. Goofy Girls of Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken goes into this more in depth. 

(As the article mentions, the storyboard director of episode 1, Mari Motohashi, said they animated the characters in a consciously gender neutral manner too, saying of the original manga that“ she liked the "gender neutral" feel of it. She described Asakusa as like an elementary schooler, Mizusaki as having some girlish aspects still left in her, and Kanamori as like an intellectual yakuza. She said that Kanamori's pragmatism was refreshing, and felt true to life regarding how the anime industry works, which may be why creative people tend to enjoy the manga. “)

It’s not just the main three! Side characters are distinctive too and unusually diverse for an anime taking place in Japan. The setting itself encompasses this diversity, you see signs in many different languages and so on. The mangaka has stated it was based on her own experiences attending a public school, saying on twitter:  "I was attending a public elementary school. There were Japanese, Chinese, Koreans, Americans, Iranians, Brazilians, Egyptians and Nigerians. Those are normal. And there were various skin colors, religions, and various names."

Of course, strong designs and animation need strong writing to match them and Eizouken! provides. All the characters are deeply loveable in their quirkiness and struggles, and they play off each other well.

Kanamori became particularly beloved with the fandom- she could have easily been a one-dimensional greedy producer type, but while she takes no shit and wants that money (oh boy does she) she also really genuinely hates seeing great small businesses fail due to poor management, and knows how harsh the world is and wants people to succeed in it.

 Also, because the student council leader genuinely smart and take-no-shit pragmatic too, her rivalry with Kanamori actually becomes fun to watch instead of being the usual generic one-sided battle we typically club anime- they’re equals.

Asakusa and Mizusaki also have really strong character focus too-for example, when we get into why Mizusaki loves animation, you find a surprising attention to detail and practicality hidden behind her starry eyed passion. One of Eizouken’s greatest strengths is how, while its brimming with joy and love of artistry, it doesn’t bullshit its audience and try to define artists in vague, idealistic terms, or act like it isn’t incredibly tough out there for animators, or anyone trying to make doing something they enjoy. The anime is defined by the tug of war between the wonders of imagination and the harshness of the actual world.

But it also acknowledges that like, sometimes high schoolers just wanna animate a girl fighting a tank with a sword cuz like how cool is that.

It makes for a message that’s still hopeful and inspirational to people who want to do what they love, but more in touch with the actual world (and the dire conditions of a lot of the anime industry, even if it doesn’t directly talk about it). Like with it’s characters, the show doesn’t sand off the rough edges of trying to make and sell art!

In the end, Eizouken! is both an ode to and a peak example of incredible creativity and all the effort that goes into getting art out there The only real flaw in it is that sometimes the info-dumps on the animation concepts can get overwhelming, but even that just means more cool stuff to comb through if you’re in the mood for it.

And there are a million strengths to offset it. Like how It’s funny and smart, striking a great balance between snappy, relatable moments and deeper musings on artistry and trying to make it in a confusing world. It’s got a lot for animation and anime geeks to snack on and is clearly made by people who both know what they’re talking about and don’t feel the need to sugarcoat it. It captures both the ridiculousness and loveliness of nerdery (you WILL see these dweebs arguing about giant robots in wonderfully/horribly specific detail). It’s a visual feast that switches art styles to express different feelings, and revels in every colorful detail. It’s full of great girls being awesome dorks.  

It’s likely to stand out as among the best of years to come and I wouldn’t be surprised to see it still going strong in “anime of the decade” lists when we hit 2030. I definitely recommend this series with no reservations- not just for artists and lovers of animation, but anyone who wants to have a blast. 

So please feel free to use this humble Tumblr post to spread the word about this show, though never forget Kanamori’s wisdom:

For we must always hold this knowledge deep in our hearts.

[ngame989]

“Brew” - TGG SVTFOE Fanfic Collection Ch. 6

Writing: @ngame989​

Art: @toxicpsychox​

Editing: @toxicpsychox​, @seddm​, an IRL friend

Alternate fic links - FFnet, AO3

Summary: After close to a year on Earthni, Tom's been dragged back into the princely life, and it's a lot less exciting than he'd expected. With Star and Marco away on urgent business, can Janna help him turn a boring errand into a fun adventure?

Comic Page

Masterpost

This one’s a nice change of pace from the last two chapters, I think. TGG’s still a Starco-focused work, expect these to be the exception not the norm, but I think it’s important to strike a balance. See below for the text, hope you enjoy!

“No results.” Huh? Three eyes narrowed at the screen in frustration. Maybe a different search term? “No results.” Alright Tom, no big deal, man. Maybe you just spelled something wrong. Annnnnd… there. “No results.” How could there be nothing?

Tom leaned back in the chair and sighed, exercising restraint over the little anger demons inside him as he’d trained himself to do. In the past he’d needed a physical bunny to pet if he wanted even a hope of keeping his cool, but at this point suppressing the urge was such reflex that most would think he just had a regular Mewman quick temper and nothing more in all but the most extreme of conditions, but he was getting pretty close to that point now. Grandpa Relicor’s study had everything, or so he thought, but this was the first time he could ever remember being here where it come up short. He’d checked every shelf, everything he could think in the computer, had even fireblasted a few of the shelves just to see if there were any hidden switches or anything. Even Relicor had been at a loss and had been screeching in distress on the floor for long enough that Tom’s brain had graciously tuned it out. What could be so important about this book his mom needed? He hadn’t even had time to change his casual graphic tee from a cartoon he liked, simply tossing his maroon jacket over it before heading out at his mother’s behest. He wasn’t one to say no to her, but it had been hours since he’d shown up here and he was no closer to figuring this out than he had been this morning.

Suddenly his phone buzzed, displaying the familiar beaming face of his ex-girlfriend close up to the camera. A toothy grin erupted as he picked it up, holding the phone up for a video feed. “Heya, Starship.”

“Hey, Tom!” Star beamed into the camera. “How’s it hanging? Long time no see. So,” she rambled out in one breath, “I may have a teensie weensie wittle problem.” She backed up to reveal her hair in complete disarray, sans horns, and black marks all over her light blue dress. Before Tom could even ask the question, her other hand held up charred fragments of her headband. “Someone still hasn’t learned how to use an Earth oven properly!” she forced out through gritted teeth.

“Look, gurl, I said I was like, so sorry! All the Cloud Kingdom kitchens are powered by glitter and horn blasts, like that’s just how ovens are supposed to be, that is all I am saying here,” Ponyhead’s indignant voice chimed in from behind, punctuated by a snort.

“Anyway, we just finished putting out the fires and I need a new headband and their website says they’re almost out of stock and I’ve wanted to show Marco around the Underworld for a while and- wait, is that screeching in the background? Where are you?”

Tom shuffled away from the elder demon still writhing on the floor and cleared his throat. “Just in Grandpa’s study trying to find something for my mom, she really wants it today. I don’t know if I can go- but I can still send the carriage for you guys, if you want.”

“Do you need help with that?” Marco inquired as he peeked his head into the frame, casually wrapping an arm around Star.

“Naaaah, no big deal,” Tom shrugged. “You two should go, though! I can just fly over whenever I finish this.”

Star and Marco looked at each other hesitantly. “Alright,” she said. “Carriage to our house in maybe five minutes?” A fire alarm went off behind her followed by a scream from Ponyhead and an even girlier one from Marco. “Maybe ten,” Star sighed, burying her face in her free hand.

“You got it,” Tom chuckled.

“OK, bye!” Star said with relief before hanging up. He rolled his shoulders from inside his jacket and ran his hands through his hair before stepping into the main foyer, taking advantage of the space to summon the carriage and its horses, the incantations coming effortlessly to him. Demons had been fortunate enough to retain their powers on Earthni, but the location underground and the relative lack of portaling methods available left them even more isolated than previously. While most of the other kingdoms had dissolved or integrated into a loose coalition of government covering all of the Echo Creek area, the Underworld had been content to stay completely under the banner of Lord and Lady Lucitor, and Tom found himself pitching in more and more in his role as Prince. In truth, he would have appreciated the company his friends were offering, but he knew how much it had meant to Star to be able to give this life up, and he didn’t want to drag her - either of them, really, considering Marco had earned an official title on Mewni himself - back into the boring thick of regal errands. Was Prince Thomas Draconius Lucitor really going to let some stuffy old book collection get the best of him? Hah, as if.

With a flick of his wrist, the half-demon shuttled the carriage to the surface in a pillar of flame, barely looking and instead pulling out his new phone. He was still getting the hang of the new and improved Reflectacorp’s Earth tech integration, but he’d at least learned how to open yesterday’s text conversation thread from its new message notification.

Janna: anti-gravity potion attempt 4 failed. affected bottle glass itself and launched into sky. note to self: work under roof. star and marco’s suggestions didnt work either. not all bad though, it went towards cloud kingdom lol

Tom: careful, don’t hit pony’s ego and make it fly even higher ·;) btw pony + starco are going shopping in underworld soon. im stuck working for mom though.

Janna: stores r lame. even in underworld. and srsly dude u gotta stop using starfans dumb name for them. otoh it bugs them so actually nvm go 4 it

Tom: it was mine first >·:( it saves letters when they’re together!

Janna: which is always

Tom: exactly. speaking of which, they’re here ttyl

Star stepped out of the carriage in a nice white polka dotted green dress, quickly followed by Marco, the pair’s fingers remaining intertwined until they gave him a hello hug, and Tom honestly wasn’t sure they’d stopped holding hands even then. Ponyhead burst out a moment later with her phone floating in front of her pointed at herself, and she was in the middle of a monologue to no one in particular.

“-so yeah anyway as you all can see we have now arrived in the Underwoooorld. So yeah this is, like, basically the best place on all of Earthni to go shopping as I’ll be showing you today. Oh yeah, I guess some demon boys live here too. Oh my goodness, say hello you guuuys,” she rolled her eyes as she butted in between Star and Tom, side-eyeing him for a split second before grinning back into the camera. After all this time Pony still hadn’t dropped the passive aggression over his and Star’s messy history; Tom had to admit it was a bit understandable, but did she really have to keep it up in such an annoying way? He rolled his eyes - it was Ponyhead he was thinking about here. “OK, the Ponyhead Experience will be taking a short break. Tune back in soon! Love y’all, buhbye!” She snapped the phone shut and caught it with her tongue. “Ugh, why do all of my vlogs with you dorks get like ten times as many viewers? Tom, you were in the shot for like three seconds and do you know what happened? 2000 more people tuned in! What the heck! It’s like, just because I have one less horn and one less eye I’m not exciting to you? But I can’t stay mad at my adooooring fans.”

“Must be the Lucitor charm.” He flashed a toothy smile and a pair of finger guns at her, accidentally flinging his phone across the room in the process. “Totally planned,” he blurted out with a much less authentic grin. Marco chuckled and picked it up, handing it back and patting him mock-sympathetically on the shoulder while holding back a smirk.

Star giggled but tapped her foot impatiently, looking around the room nervously. “OK, great catching up, but on the way here I checked the website and the headband shop is almost out of stock! We have to go, now! Let’s move it, people! Tom, can we borrow the carriage for the day?”

He shrugged nonchalantly. “Fine by me.”

“Thankyouthankyouthankyou, you’re the best!”

“You sure you don’t need anything?” Marco inquired again.

“You heard the girl, Marco, my audience wants to see us get our shop on!”

Tom blew a raspberry, pushing them towards the carriage. “Relax, it’s nothing. I’m practically done already! Tooootally almost done!”

Marco finally relented, nodding his assent. Star was bouncing up and down so much that she looked ready to launch around the room. He giggled as she wrapped both her arms around his middle and kissed his cheek before hauling him the rest of the way into the carriage. “C’mon boo, mama needs a new pair of horns. Plus we can get whatever you need, too! I saw a few things in the catalog that would look preeeetty good on you,” she sing-songed, walking two fingers up his chest to boop his nose after they plopped down onto the seat together. Ponyhead mimed vomiting at Tom, who silently laughed in response; they were so engrossed with each other that Tom was fairly certain they wouldn’t have noticed even if he’d shouted his laughter, though. He blankly stared at the spot the carriage had been for a few seconds after it exited in a blaze.

“Pretty gross, right?” Tom started and launched a fireball in the direction of the voice, hovering away from the intruder. A split second after, his vision caught up with his instincts and saw Janna in her usual green shirt and beanie and yellow skirt, sans jacket, nonchalantly sidestep the flame. “You do the same thing every time, you really need to work on that,” she chided with her arms crossed and a devious smirk on her face.

He rubbed his temple and gestured at her in sullen disbelief. “How did you-”

“Roof of the carriage.”

“Huh.” An eyebrow up in surprise, studying her expression. “You never usually, you know, answer that.”

She shrugged, kicking a boot into the hard stone floor. “Whatever, guess I’m just bored. Besides, half the reason I do that is to get a rise out of Marco,” she slyly snickered, and Tom couldn’t help but join in. “Alright, demon boy, what adventure are we going on today?”

Tom crossed his arms apprehensively. “Just trying to find a book for my mom, not really much of an adventure.”

“Like I said, dude, I’m bored and shopping is dumb. I don’t mind hanging out here for a study session or whatever, your family’s got great taste in decor.” She picked a skull off the ground and tossed it back and forth between her hands. He grinned back at her, grateful for the company. “So what kind of creepy curses are in this book?”

The pair started walking back into the study as their conversation continued. “Don’t think there are any. It’s called ‘Historia Homewnum’, according to my mom, so it’s probably a history book but that’s all I know.”

“Darn. Demon history’s bound to be pretty cool, though.”

“You’d be surprised how little actually happens down here, it’s just a lot of maintenance. Last month the most important thing I did was a ribbon-cutting ceremony at a new boba cornshake shop, it’s really caught on here since the Cleaving. But man is it good! Marco was right, the little pearls are just so tasty, I like the creamed corn version best.”

“What is it with you and corn, seriously...” Janna shuddered.

“Don’t knock it ‘till you try it.” He knew he’d gotten distracted thinking about the delicious creamy beverage, but that didn’t seem like an adequate reason to look so horrified, especially coming from Janna. Not able to figure out any other reason she might be disgusted by his comments, he got his thoughts back on track. “Really don’t know why she wants this thing so much. Anyway, I already checked the entire study for it, and the search archives don’t have anything either. Oh well, what can you do, might as well just give up and-”

“Found something,” Janna piped up, somehow already in the computer chair with her feet on the desk.

“Really? How?” he asked incredulously, throwing his hands in the air for emphasis.

“OK, I didn’t actually find the book, but maybe we should check this place out.” He leaned into the screen to see a Mewgle search for ‘how to find weird book in underworld’ on the screen.

“I already tried that, Janna!”

“Yeah, but your antivirus was blocking this link to some place called the ‘Librarinth’.”

Tom slammed his palm into his forehead. “Of course, the Librarinth! How could I not think to look there, that’s where all the oldest books are. Why was it getting blocked?”

She clicked on the link and both recoiled at the sight: an abhorrent patterned background with almost unreadable randomly colored text and low quality cartoon images scattered all around the page. “Yeah, it’s awful,” she said in response to his obvious horror. “Seriously, whoever must made this website must be, like, a thousand years old.”

“Probably , yeah, but why does that have anything to do with-” His eyes widened in realization as he clapped his hands together in contemplation. “Right, humans and their lifespans. Go on.”

“Look.”

She scrolled past the despondent, blurry faces of demons of all shapes and sizes in the staff section until she arrived at the catalog, folding her arms triumphantly. Tom excitedly butted in, typing into the search box and being greeted with a loading wheel. “Uh, Janna? It’s not working.”

“Pfft, yeah, I might actually be dead by the time the search finishes. But that doesn’t matter because they have our book. It’s the header image for the whole catalog.” He squinted and brought his face closer to the monitor, and to his surprise the title was clear as day on the cover of the book, although all the other information was too difficult to make out. “Alright, let’s go. Main page says the Librarinth is on Floor 216.”

With a snap of his fingers, the demon elevator was summoned into a bookshelf much as it had been the day they had dealt with the Blood Moon. Relicor’s shrieking, which had slowed to a whimper since they’d left, resumed in full; fortunately they began descending, which quickly put them out of earshot. Tom awkwardly stretched his arms, unsure what exactly to say. She was his friend, yes, but he was never the best at small talk, and Janna being Janna didn’t make that any easier. After long, messy years of broken hearts and misguided feelings, he finally felt comfortable forging friendships, but even though they got along quite well there was something about Janna that made that vibe a lot less effortless than with Marco or even Star. Thoughts of his other friends reminded him of something. “Uh, by the way… how did you even know about the carriage earlier?”

“A girl’s gotta keep some secrets.”

“Pony was posting about it every 15 seconds,” he guessed, calling Janna’s bluff.

“Touché. Every 10, though,” she coolly responded. “Ha, now she’s just flipping out because Star and Marco have way more likes than her selfies.”

“Figured you’d have him bugged or something,” Tom chuckled as he scooted over to get a look at Janna’s screen, and sure enough there was a picture collage of Star sitting in Marco’s lap with tens of thousands of likes and comments already. They were laughing their butts off at themselves in a mirror in front of them with novelty sunglasses, fake mustaches, goofy props, and even a few absurd full-body costumes; Ponyhead joined the fun for a few but just as often butt in trying to take over the mirror by herself.

“Ew, no, I disabled it all months ago. Boyfriend Tom was already too cutesy for me, and you two just had a little flirty fling. Do you think I’d really want to see or hear whatever Star and Marco have going on? They’re, like, deeply in love, or whatever, and it’s gotten even worse in the last few weeks.”

He murmured in tacit agreement. Now that he thought about it, they had seemed even more affectionate than usual, but he wasn’t too keen on uncovering why that might be. The ding of the elevator saved him from any further speculation, and he and Janna stepped out of the elevator into the lobby, which was empty with cobwebs coating most of the weathered stone walls. Janna looked at him with a quizzical expression. “Anyway, so the Librarinth is basically a combination of a library and a labyrinth-”

“Right, I got that,” she curtly retorted.

“The legends say that some ancient librarian demons wanted to challenge any who sought knowledge, so they hid all the books in a giant maze that only the worthy could navigate. But everyone who made it still decided to organize it thoroughly for some reason, and you still had to check out the books and bring them back and all that.”

She ran a finger over the dust on the front counter, and the surface of the desk sizzled in response, causing her to pull her hand back before poking the bubbles that formed with a curious smile. “So why is it completely empty?”

Tom rubbed the back of his neck. “Weeeeeeell, after a few people went missing or insane, everyone realized it really wasn’t a great way to, you know, run a library. Grandpa actually started collecting books to try and get them away from this place. No one really knows what goes on in there, but as far as I know it’s still maintained even though no one uses it. The kingdom stopped staffing the lobby but they could never just shut it down because anyone who tried, well-”

“Went missing or insane. Sounds cool, I’m in.”

“You sure?”

“Dude, you brought me to a wicked hell maze filled with psychotic demon nerds. Maybe there’ll be bottomless pits or a wicked dungeon boss. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re flirting with me, Mr. Lucitor,” she purred, running a finger up his chest and flicking his nose.

“Haha, very funny. And it’s Prince Lucitor,” he sarcastically chided, poking her arm in response before crossing the room with her following, but he couldn’t help but hide that he was flustered. Seeing Star and Marco’s relationship in the past year had reinforced his already-firm convictions about romance: he wanted someone with whom he could be life partners in all ways, not just handholding and rooftop picnics. Otherwise, what would be the point? He’d made that mistake enough times, and even just a light jab at the notion of him casually flirting struck made him feel self-conscious about that past. Finally his reflection was halted when he found what he sought: a large wrought iron door furnished with ornate demonic symbols and various carvings of mythological creatures dwarfed them both. With a soft, steady flame for light, he brought his hand up and ran it over the rusty engravings. He jumped back with a gasp as the fire spread into the lines of the door, lighting up the patterns on it and causing it to creak as it slowly opened.

“Nice,” Janna muttered in awe before strolling inside, with Tom hesitantly following. She was the most eager of their little group to dive headfirst into the unknown, even more than Star most of the time, but he trusted her gut.

They started walking down the long, cramped hallways, hearing only the sound of their own footsteps on the cold floor. Janna peeked her head into a small doorway that appeared to their left, earning herself an explosive blast to the face and getting knocked onto her butt. Tom slammed the door shut and leaned in to read an inscription next to it. “Incinerator for any books too damaged or damaging for further use. Probably not the right place.”

Janna huffed, brushing herself off and finding scraps of paper among the char. “I can see that. Seriously, what kind of labyrinth labels its doors?”

“Maybe one run by book nerds,” Tom offered, gripping her hand to help her up.

“So it’s just as bad at being a labyrinth as it is a library. Neat. Great adventure.”

Tom pressed on, keeping his focus ahead of them. “Hey, I’m just here to help my mom. You’re the one that said you were fine with anything.”

“Fine, fine. Just saying, I could be working on my potions or something.” She pulled a glass bottle full of purple liquid from her skirt pocket and casually tossed it at a wall. Janna snickered at Tom’s yelp when it shattered, but found herself joining him in backing away when a chunk of stone quickly deteriorated and slammed into the ground at incredible speed. She went over and carefully kicked a pebble, finding it impossible to even budge. “See, this was just a stupid pro-gravity potion. Worthless.”

He leaned against the stable wall opposite the hole, sighing. “I’m sure there has to be something interesting here. What if we, I dunno, make it a competition or something?” His frustration with both the situation and Janna were there, yes, but he still wanted to try and get something fun out of the day.

“Go on,” Janna said, eyes flickering up from the bottle that she was tossing between her hands nonchalantly.

OK, maybe he should have thought further ahead. His arms flailed as he scrambled to come up with an idea. “OK, so, uh, whoever finds the weirdest thing in this place in the next hour wins. Just call them out if you think you found something. Or whoever finds the book, whichever comes first, yeah. Mom still needs it.”

“Momma’s boy. I respect that. You’re on, Tom.” Janna cocked an eyebrow, staring at him for a second before pushing off the wall into a sprint, opening the first door she could find. “Empty. Another empty. Three empties, dammit.”

Tom used his flight to travel more smoothly from door to door on his side of the corridor, but still found himself losing ground as he took the time to read the sign posted by each threshold. The ‘Demonic Studies’ room had a very ornately ghoulish aesthetic, with macabre skeletal models throughout. Definitely something to show Janna on the way out just for the aesthetic, and it’d have been weird for most humans, but it wasn’t any more abnormal than what the two of them were used to as a daily routine. Another room for astronomy had an exquisite planetarium dome, but it turned out to be rather useless as the Underworld did not, in fact, contain any stars since it was underground. There was, however, a plentiful selection of guides to stalactites stocked on the shelves. The next four whole sections were devoted to anger management self-help books, which only made him waste precious seconds cringing at old memories.

His pace picked up as he kept going from door to door finding nothing but normal library fare, although he had to admit it was certainly well-maintained. On any other day he might actually enjoy some of the things here, but today he was on a mission to get out of here so they could actually have fun elsewhere.

‘Bookworms’... now that had potential. What sorts of hybrid creatures could lurk behind the inches of wood? “I think I might have found something!” he shouted, throwing open the door only to receive a harsh shushing. Within were only elderly demons in cozy sweaters reading by candlelight, all now glaring at him with an intensity that reminded him of his mom’s own rare reprimands. “Never mind,” he loud-whispered back out into the hall as he gently closed the door and found Janna in a nearby corridor. “Ugh, why is there nothing interesting here?” Sparks trailed behind him from his mounting anger as he paced.

“Tell me about it, even ‘Wormbooks’ was just a bunch of regular novels, somehow,” she sighed. “I was hoping for a big long chain of open books slithering around on the ground, now there’s a party.” She slumped down against the wall next to the streak of flame he’d left on the ground, idly stamping it out with her boot until Tom sat down beside her.

“Wouldn’t a wormbook be the opposite? A big fat worm in the shape of a book?”

“Nah, it’d totally be a book made of a bunch of little flatworms all working together, duh. Still pretty lame.”

OK, now he knew something was up with her. “Janna, is- is something wrong?”

Her body slouched further down until she was almost horizontal on the cold floor, staring ahead of her like a zombie. “Being weird has just felt so pointless lately. Everything’s weird now, all the time! I’m wasting all my time trying to brew potions when there’s a shop that sells them on every corner. I got so bored that I even passed that same dumb test Marco did and now I’m done with high school, like, for real this time.”

“Hey, don’t be so hard on yourself, that’s pretty impressive.”

“It’s easy if you know who to blackmail.” Tom blinked a few times, not sure why he’d expected anything different. “Everyone else is moving on with their lives, but I’m still feeding the same old possums and picking up the same old tennis balls. The whole point of my routine is that it’s different, it’s me, it’s my Jannanigans or whatever Star calls it, but it’s just not the same. I’m still into all that stuff, and Earthni’s actually really cool, but… ugh.” With that, her head fully sunk to the ground.

Tom brought his palms together over her head, opening and shutting his hands while wiggling his fingers around. “It’s a wormbook,” he said hesitantly, not really sure what he was doing. It was silly amusement, but perhaps that was just what she needed right now. Janna frowned and rolled her eyes, so he snapped at her arm with his hand puppet wormbook a few times.

“Alright, I get it,” she barked out, but her sullen demeanor slowly cracked under the onslaught of frivolity as she sat back up with an unusually ponderous look at him.

“Remember that time you took me bootsledding?” She nodded. “You told me that I needed to find a life outside of Star, and- and it was really great advice. Didn’t mean I still couldn’t like spending time with Star or anything, heck, I still do! But I just needed to get out of that rut of depending on it. Maybe you just need to do that, too. If doing your weirdness by yourself is normal, then adding something normal might be kinda weird.”

“That’s it.” Janna leapt to her feet, looking very suddenly invigorated. “That’s it!”

“Well, uh, glad you liked it. It was nothing, really, just trying to be a good pal-”

“Yeah, yeah, that too,” she waved dismissively, and he couldn’t help but feel a bit scorned. “If weird is normal then normal is weird. We were looking for the craziest things we could find here, but everything that should have been weird was normal, so we should be looking for the most painfully boring room here!” All three of Tom’s eyes blinked a few times as her words sunk in. Could it be…? “Tom, over here!” He hustled over to a particularly plain wooden door. Janna pointed at the plaque on the wall, which was far more faded than the others had been. “Look. ‘Government Records’.”

A burst of energy coursed through Tom’s blood, sparking life in him once more, and he could see the same reflected in Janna’s determined brown eyes. “And the book Mom wanted has something to do with history. Maybe it’s political history! Janna, you might be a genius!”

“Pfft, ‘might’. Now we just gotta…” She grabbed his arm, aiming it at the door, and he looked at her incredulously. “C’mon, dude, who knows what’s behind there. We’re gonna bust in with a demon blast, duh. Pew-pew!”

He rolled his eyes, but the corner of his lip turning up in a begrudging smile gave away his agreement. The pair aimed at the door and blew it off its hinges before charging in through the smoke.

“I see you two have finally solved the grand riddle of the Librarinth!” A deep, booming voice greeted them from the smoke. “Janna Ordonia, Thomas Lucitor, you certainly took your time. I expected you to book it here much more quickly. No matter, for this room shall be your tome!”

“How do you know my-” Janna stammered.

“Uh, don’t you mean tomb-” Tom started at the same time before realizing the wordplay and groaning in misery. Wait a second… Epic threats, an obvious personality quirk…

“Dungeon boss!” the teens cheered together, glancing back and forth between each other and the remainder of the room in front of them obscured by shadow.

“It is I, the bookkeeper of this place. I guard the most sacred treasure of all… knowledge!” Paper rustled loudly, echoed throughout the cavernous space, far taller and wider than Tom had noticed when they first entered with a massive array of bookshelves many times taller than him in a single row near the back wall. The ground beneath them began to shake and Tom tossed a puff of light in front of him, exposing the wide chasm that had just opened up in the ground, swallowing all the shelving in the room. Neither were prepared for the sight that greeted them: a coiled mass unfurled from the abyss and slithering with purpose along the ground, finally raising itself up to stand at fifteen feet tall, swaying back and forth with enough force to create an artificial wind within the space. A closer look showed that the body was made of some peculiar segments of… books, of all shapes and sizes. The volume at the top of the chain was much larger and far more ornately embossed than the others, and on the blood red surface of the cover Tom could make out a set of eyes. As the picture became more and more clear, he could finally see what they were up against. Now THIS is a bookworm.

“Aren’t libraries supposed to be, like, public and free?” Janna blithely inquired.

“You are correct, child, but perhaps try reporting that to your friend there! The Lucitor family is the sworn enemy of this great Librarinth! That fiend Relicor pilfered our collection for his own use for millennia, and the rest tried to shut this place down for good. But worst of all, in the most egregious display of contempt I have witnessed since the dawn of writing itself… Prince Lucitor and his ilk have amassed twenty-six dollars in unpaid fees!”

The tension in the room nearly evaporated in a heartbeat as Tom and Janna paused momentarily before bursting out into raucous laughter.

“Seriously, dude? I could just, like, repay it.” He fumbled in his pockets for his wallet for a moment before being interrupted once more.

“Do not condescend to me, children! It is far too late to make up for these sins with mere currency. Revenge is my fee most overdue, now prepare to meet… Overdoom! I shall harness the power of the written word to spell your demise!”

Books were hurled from the depths of the crevice en masse. Tom stepped in front of Janna to blast them away, but they had taken on a life of their own and homed in on him, covers flapping in the air like wings. Behind Tom, Janna snatched one out of the air to thwart a flank attack. She grabbed his left arm and pointed it up, tapping his elbow frantically. He spared a glance and saw the paper tornado coalescing, and understood her intention. Demon flames surged out of both hands with Janna calling the shots for the left side and Tom focusing on his right. They used the opportunity to back up to a wall, letting them cover every attack vector but creating a stalemate they were sure to lose in time as the seemingly endless offense droned on. Overdoom for the time being simply floated out of the abyss, glaring harshly at them as more and more papers kept emerging.

“Wait, Tom, look…” Still using his hand, she pointed to a shelf that had fallen at an odd angle and hadn’t collapsed into the abyss. There was a large, torn-up poster on which he could barely make out the word “Historia”.

“That might be it,” he breathed out, starting to feel the burn from minutes of nonstop vigilant defensive demon blasts. Oddly, none of the books in that corner were joining the assault. Almost as if...

“It’s making them magical in the chasm.” Tom’s heart leapt up in his chest at the revelation, hope and adrenaline mixing in his veins to keep him fully alert. But charging in was a suicide mission and they clearly couldn’t win on raw firepower.

“Have you had enough? Are you children yet ready to come scrawling on your hands and knees to a-tome for the sins of your forefathers?” the imposing figure growled, bristling impatiently.

“Did it seriously just use the tome pun again?” Janna griped, running her hands past her eyes and down her cheeks in disgust. “For a word nerd, that’s just awful.”

“Yeah…” Tom absent-mindedly responded. He knew she was right, though. Book, tome, scrawl… even if the creature’s summoning powers were off the charts, and it wielded them with calculated ease, its cocky wordplay taunts left something to be desired. It struck him then: what if they’d been approaching this all wrong? If the battle couldn’t be won by blows, then they had to find another option, and Tom was ready to put his plan into action.

He quickly shook off Janna’s rather tight grip on his arm and stepped forward, mustering up a confident expression masking any fears he still had left. “Nice try, Overdoom. Your words aren’t scaring us. Learn to read the room!”

Its “body” immediately began wiggling violently in the air as it crawled a bit forward towards them. Tom paid careful attention to its back end, which had climbed a few feet out of the ground in the move. “How dare you! Petulant brats!” Literary fire and brimstone rained down upon them with more fury than ever, and the two backed up into a corner which was the best they could do in a room largely devoid of any cover.

“What the hell-” Janna whispered through gritted teeth. Tom wriggled his tail out and waved it in front of Janna’s face momentarily. “Now is not the time to-” She was cut off when a barrage of index cards launched at them with enough force to somehow chip the stone behind them on impact. Tom forcefully nodded his head towards the worm’s tail, waggling his own once again. Her eyes lit up much like his had and she nodded in understanding.

“Come on, is that the best you got? I’ve heard them all before, at least give us something novel!”

Janna stood beside him, and her grimace even managed to spook Tom a bit. “I’d alphabet you couldn’t do better even if you tried!” Not what he would’ve gone with, but hey, if it helped tick Overdoom off then who was he to say no?

“You can talk up a storm all you want, but no matter what volume of air you blow, all I feel is a not-so-rough draft!”

“ENOUGH!” Overdoom’s tail launched out of the chasm faster than either could follow, crossing the room in a heartbeat. Tom shoved Janna out of the way before it wrapped itself around him, dragging him much more slowly towards the abyss. His jacket and jeans mercifully protected the paper edges pressing into him, but it was still a painfully tight squeeze that left him gasping for air. His arms were uselessly pinned inside the embrace as he was dragged headfirst, but their hypothesis had been proven correct as all the books around them had dropped to the ground lifeless.

“Tom!” Janna called out. He strained his head to see she’d removed her beanie and had something purple in her hand that she lobbed at that moment. Through the haze of pain he recognized it as another of her potions. The arc was due to miss until he summoned his energy reserves and redirected it with a weak burst of flame from his boot. Though the glass was durable enough to not melt or shatter, the demonic heat changed the potion into a bubbling olive green milliseconds before it contacted a random segment of the behemoth they were fighting. All at once, its hold on Tom and the rest of its body went limp as it began floating lazily into the air before bouncing off the ceiling a few times like a balloon. Janna ran over and helped Tom up as Overdoom screamed inarticulately from many feet above. They traversed the chaotic mess towards the pile they’d spotted previous. After some digging around, he found ‘Historia Homewnum’ miraculously unscathed and protected by a large, sturdy slab of mahogany that had fallen flat on top of it. “I got it!”

“Cool, potion is wearing off. We need to go.” Janna calmly stated. Twin jets of fire erupted from his feet as he swiftly passed the book to Janna and scooped her up in his arms, carrying them across the room towards the door. After setting Janna down, he hesitated for a moment as she stood in the doorway.

“Do you think I should still pay the late fee? I feel kinda bad and-”

“TODAY MAY HAVE BEEN YOUR VICTORY, BUT TOME-ORROW WILL-”

Tom sighed in resignation with a very unimpressed expression. “OK, yeah, never mind.” And with a quick slam of the door, they were both out scot-free. They didn’t stop running until they arrived back at the elevator. Once inside, they slumped down onto the ground as they began the journey back up to the main surface of the Underworld.

“Woo!” Tom was caught off guard by Janna expressing visible joy, and it was immediately infectious. “Now that’s an adventure. Of course, demon fire is what makes the potions work. Makes a lot more sense. Stupid ink smudge, I burned all those lemons for nothing.” He belly laughed, falling over to the floor and clutching his gut as Janna kicked him in the arm.

“Sorry, sorry, couldn’t help it.”

Her foot backed off after one last good hit. “So now you just have to give that book to your mom?”

“Yeah, should only take a minute. Want to come with?”

“Dude, she’s half a story tall and cries lava. I’d be honored. Oh crud, Pony’s current stream title is ‘WHY Y’ALL CARE MORE ABOUT EARTH TURD AND B-FLY THAN ME?!?!’” Janna showed him the notification on her phone. “That can’t be good.”

Tom pulled out his phone and called to see what was up. Pony picked up after only one ring and didn’t even bother with a greeting as she screamed so loudly that he lost hearing for a moment in his right ear. Her voice carried through the elevator car even without being put on speakerphone. “Yo Tom, why do all my Pony Pals just want to watch those two idiots kiss and cuddle? What is up with that? I even gave my fanbase a stupid nickname, they eat that stuff up, so why won’t they looooove meeeeee?” Business as usual with Pony, it seemed. “An-y-way, this whole shopping spree was amaaaazing, I am all kinds of extra fabulous now. B-Fly and Earth Turd took over the stream cuz the viewers, like, wanted a Q&A sesh but I’m only giving them twenty minutes! Hmph!”

“Might as well just make a whole show about them,” Janna chimed in, rolling her eyes a few times for good measure.

“Wait, demon boy, is Janna there? What the heck have you two been getting up to? Don’t tell me you too are getting your freak on too, I could not handle that T.M.I.-”

Yeah, there was nothing more to gain from that conversation. Tom flipped his compact shut, disconnecting the call. Wait, ‘too’? Did she mean- he shuddered involuntarily. You know what, nope, just not going to think about that one.

“So glad I turned off the cameras,” Janna mumbled, curling up into a ball on the floor, clearly not wanting to touch that whole situation either.

He opted to make contact with the other group via Marco instead - why he hadn’t just done that in the first place, he’d never know - and sent a quick text. “Marco wants to get dinner at the Waterfolk Kingdom in, like, an hour and a half. Apparently Star found some earrings she wanted at the last minute, and Pony got arrested for shoplifting three seconds after I hung up.”

Janna cackled in response. “Let’s just meet them there. My jacket got ripped to shreds by the possums last week, might as well get a new one while I’m down here. Been thinking about changing it up. I kinda like that style.” She lifted up his arm and poked at a button on the sleeve of his own.

“Uh, yeah, sure, I can show you where I got it.” He stumbled over his words, still caught off guard by this new normal-person-Janna. The elevator dinged and the teens began their trek through the Lucitor castle in search of the queen. “So, the Librarinth... we’re definitely going back there at some point, right?”

“Totally, bet’s still not over. We should do this more often, you’re not so bad a friend.”

“You too, and yeah, we should.” Looking back on the day, it had honestly been one some of the most fun he’d had in a while, despite almost dying at least once. Tom still wasn’t sure what to make of this friendship brewing between them, but if it meant more days like this to look forward to? Maybe he could get used to that.

[fyrapartnersearch]

looking for longterm novella-style partner

general hey guys i'm lauren, 26 years old and living in EST! i just got dumped and thought i'd fill the void in my life with some good, good writing so i'm looking for some people to plot and rp with. i'm usually bopping around on social media and love talking to my partners, whether it's getting to know them or just plotting future events for our characters.

i'm also very ditch-friendly! if you're tired of me or our rp, totally just ghost me, i'll get the hint. no need to get all anxious over breaking up with a partner. it's rping, it's all chill. if you're able to, giving me a head's up that you're not feeling the rp would be great though! i will absolutely return the courtesy if i'm not feeling it anymore either.

as a quick side note, i will only rp with people over the age of 21, and have a preference for partners over the age of 23! i just feel more comfortable when my partner is around the same age as me.

posts and characters i only write in third person past tense and would prefer for my partner to do the same. i'm very flexible with post lengths, but i tend to be on the wordy side. i'd love it if you could provide four or five paragraphs per post on average, though i absolutely value quality over quantity so post length isn't a huge concern of mine as long as there's something to reply to! longer posts are wonderful as well, and i have no issue waxing lengthy posts if that is your preference.

i generally reply at least once a day or once every other day, but even if i'm tied up with work and not able to reply consistently, i'll absolutely be available to chat. i'll let you know when i'm busy and love to shoot plot ideas back and forth even when i can't put aside a chunk of time to reply.

characters! i love playing multiple characters, but having a singular main character is great too. i prefer playing OCs but can also do canons, which i'll talk about more below. i have no preference about what sort of character you're playing, that's your decision! i like to develop new characters for each rp i do, but feel free to bring in old characters if that's what you want! i like characters that are complex and interesting and not ultra-powerful people -- or if they are, you're able to explore the emotional repercussions of it. if you're looking for a specific sort of character to play yours against, give me some guidelines before i whip up an OC and i'll be happy to make someone that fits your needs. i adore creating characters, and like making side or background characters that pass through or come in and out of the plot.

i like creating characters before the plot, rather than the other way around. i have a huge preference for character-driven plots -- putting our characters in a setting, and then letting their specific quirks and motivations lead where the rp goes next.

i also can provide rp samples if you'd like to see my writing before we rp!

genres; love and sex so first let me prattle off some original character genres that i love! i will list fandoms later.

• adventure; anything with a band of people coming together and forming a found family, traveling together on the way to a goal with obstacles thrown in their way • fantasy; i adore fantasy, whether it's magical realism or all out medieval fantasy. world-building is one of my favorite things. sci-fi is great too, but i'm not great when things get too tech-y haha • paranormal/mythical creatures; sort of goes with the fantasy, but i'm always down to rp different species in any sort of setting • fairy tales; i love taking old fairy tales or stories and giving them a unique twist, whether it's making them #gritty or just tossing them in a different sort of setting • superheroes; people with superpowers using it for good or evil and coming together yesss • romance; romance is great and i'll discuss that below, but i prefer this to be like a sub-genre • AUs; i love taking a fandom and making it an alternate timeline or AUing it completely. also once we have characters and a rp established, i love love love talking about AUs for our characters. i will AU everything, there is no AU too AUish for me

those are just my favorites so feel free to suggest others, but i will not do slice of life. i just find myself bogged down when there's not a defined plot, and it doesn't keep my interest. i also love these things if you'd be interested in tossing any of them in the rp:

• mages • shapeshifters • daemons [like from his dark materials] • people with horns or wings • pirates • dragons

pairings what up what up. i love rps with a dash of romance, whether our characters come in as an awesome couple battle duo, or two dorks realizing they're developing a crush on each other. either way, i don't like characters who are not in a relationship immediately getting together -- i'm all about the bonding and character development. i do not like rping cishet m/f pairings. bi girl and bi dude falling in love is great. trans man and trans woman falling in love is great. ace woman and a masculine nb person falling in love is great. any other type of lgbtqia+ pairing is great. if you have a general preference for m// or f// just let me know!

i also love anything unconventional, from happy polyamorous couples to obsessive unrequited pining. love triangles are great, conflict is great, anything to keep the relationship fresh and interesting without verging into the realm of over-dramatic. if you're looking for someone to rp a dark and unhealthy romance with, i am your person. also if you want to rp cute poly couples. i am also that person.

for fandoms, i'll do canon/canon and OC/OC but not canon/OC!

smut smut is totally rad, as long as it's not the sole focus of the rp. i like the smut to add something to the character, the characters' relationship, or the plot in addition to just being for porn's sake. cute smut is great. dark smut is great. getting to do both is even better. i do have a handful of smut-based limits including things like water sports, pedophilia, vore -- if you want a complete list just ask when you contact me. themes i would enjoy exploring typically depend on the character and what my partner's limits are.

limits i don't have any limits besides the aforementioned smut limits. besides that, i love violence, gore, and swearing. i like exploring dark themes when the rp calls for it. i do not like rping with people who treat trauma, abuse, and psychopathy as personal traits or try to make things obnoxiously dark and gritty. but otherwise everything's pretty much on the table! if you have any limits please let me know -- i have no problem not swearing or avoiding certain topics or fading to black if that is your preference.

fandoms stars denote preference.

dragon age [origins; da2; inquisition] ✩✩✩ dragon age is my favorite thing in the world and i would love someone to rp it with. i have a preference for OCs though would also be up to rping canon characters. rping an OC MC with OC companions is my jam, though i also like exploring what the rest of the world is up to while the main plot is going on. also any AU of dragon age is great -- inquisition in a modern setting, kirkwall with a sci-fi twist; universe diverging where the bad guy wins and stuff like that.

pokemon [any gen] ✩✩✩ i am always down for a pokemon rp you have no ideaaa. however i really like my pokemon rps more serious (i know how ridiculous that sounds). i like exploring aspects of the pokemon world outside of just being a trainer and getting badges. i like to rp pokemon like they're intelligent animals, meaning that wild pokemon aren't so easily tamed and pokemon can get hurt. i'm also so down for crossbreeds/fusions. i have some plot ideas in mind for pokemon and would love to hear yours!

final fantasy [IV, VII, VIII, crisis core, advent children, dissidia] ✩✩ i have this random love for IV, but honestly i am total VII trash and have been playing the remake a lot. i'm also a little familiar with XIV and have some OCs already created for a setting like that.

fallout [any game] ✩✩ would love to do OCs for this, and admittedly something in the commonwealth would be rad because i've played 4 most recently. brotherhood of steel is always great, anything with them is awesome. also stuff with synths that involves questioning what it means to be human and have faith in your own identity/memories w/e w/e would be cool. also just a general AU of a fallout-like setting maybe set in a city that hasn't been explored yet.

kingdom hearts [any game] ✩ i'd love something in the bbs era, but honestly anything is great. exploring nobodies successfully turned into ansem-heart-holders, the new keyblade warriors to defeat ansem (this guy gets around), or kh1&2 characters during the bbs time is all great. for canon characters sora, aqua, ventus, marluxia, and larxene are the ones i've played the most but i'm always looking to branch out.

medium i like to rp over discord, email, or google docs, with a separate discord channel or IM for separate chatting and plotting. i'm also open to making a joint tumblr blog that we both post our posts on, which i did not know was a thing until very recently!

contact if you're interested please shoot me a message on my tumblr or at Lauren#5244 on discord! :)

[iwritethat]

Jason Todd: German Shepherd

A/N: Dog Plan 2/?, how could I not write one for Jason???

>>>>———————————>

He had issues. You were god damn sure of it.

Obviously you loved your treasured German Shepherd to pieces and you were 99% certain that Zeus would die for you but that does not mean he wasn't subject to experimentation before you adopted him as a puppy. It was Gotham, that theory was completely liable considering his peculiar sparkling emerald irises.

The dog had a biazzarre habit of sneaking out the fire escape on some nights but always made his return a couple of hours later ready to snuggle up with you. His scent was usually that of gunpowder and cigarettes - again, in Gotham most places smelt like that but you couldn't help but wonder what your partner got up to on his escapades. Regardless, you brought a collar engraved with your address as a precaution. Although once the adventurous canine disappeared for longer than 2 days you began to worry, he was basically your comrade who seemingly understood every word you said so when the door knocked at 3am you skidded over in your hoodie with hopeful eyes.

"Uh hey, I believe this belongs to y- Sun!" The mysterious stranger didn't manage to finish before Zeus hauled his oversized paws over your shoulders nuzzling his nose against your hair on his hind legs, it was a struggle to hold the massive bundle of fluff so much so that you staggered back a little before fussing him in return. A pulsation of shock sprinted through your veins upon recognising his company and the twin guns situated on his thighs but he did just return your dog...

"Thanks for bringing this giant doofus back, I see you've already gotten attached though." You observed expectantly, Zeus standing by your side to stare at the Red Hood who shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Old habit, I've encountered him quite a bit on the streets - at first he went by 'Dog' but eventually I named him Sun Tzu. Then he suddenly shows up with a collar around his neck but I'm glad he has a good home."

"Yeah, Zeus always struck me as a weirdo who apparently sneaks out to play vigilante sidekick but I always pick the odd ones I guess. And Sun Tzu... as in the Art of War?" The man did a double take, he didn't expect you to know who that was.

"He's actually quite useful out there. And that's the one, have you read it?"

"No, but I'd like to. I guess you've got to go save the city but thank you again Red Hood." You waved him off, Zeus with a bark and you'd thought that would be the end of it.

.

Of course it wasn't, Zeus would continue to disappear no doubt on the streets with his apparent 'partner' - they were a deranged reformation of Batman and Robin much to your amusement. Only now you awoke to find an Art of War hardback on your bed rather than a toy with Zeus franticly wagging his tail. Suspiciously, eyeing your dog as you did so, you opened the book to find a scruffy note inside.

'Hopefully Sun Zeus got this to you, thought you'd like it. - Red'

Oh God...

Once you'd read the book, you sat contemplating a reply on your piece of card since you had no paper at this particular time - Zeus laid beside your leg, head resting on your thigh with a bored expression.

'Thanks, it's an incredible book. I'm not sure if I can ask how you are but has the crime world been busy? Gotten any cool cases? I suppose I shouldn't ask that either, well it was a pleasure meeting you the other night and you seem pretty badass but thanks again for taking the time to return my boy. -(Y/n)'

You visually winced as your hands began mimicking your thoughts knowing you were binning this version, with a sigh you stood to find a new piece of card as you couldn't ask a stranger that - let alone the Red Hood. What were you supposed to say anyway? You returned to your couch, clear card inches from your canines nose - you had no idea where he'd obtained the piece but didn't complain, writing a new message before slipping into the book for Zeus to return.

'Thank you for the book, stay safe out in this hellhole. - (Y/n)'

It was no more than a few days until you received a reply neatly tucked into your joyful canines collar despite the torn edges.

'I thought people threw away discarded notes, not write on the back but I'm glad you did it. It's Gotham, of course it's been busy and 'cool cases'? No (Y/n), definitely not. The pleasure was all mine by the way. - Red'

.

The exchanges continued for quite some time, your dog acting as your very own personal messenger, occasionally you'd send over books or on one instance you'd received a bouquet of flowers, of course you'd sent some back to which your correspondent found amusing. Regretfully over the passing 3 months you'd only encountered him under a few circumstances, mostly brought together by the antics of your shared companion but none the less you grew rather fond of each other.

You’d conversed as he sat on your widow ledge after you’d practically forced him to drink a coffee before disappearing back into the depths of Gotham, listening to the latest tale he threw your way. Then you have ran into him and Zeus during a midnight shopping run, the two opting to walk you home that night. It was difficult not to grow close to the man when you see him at least twice a week as well as the letters he continued to write despite already exchanged numbers.

.

Tonight you'd ventured to Big Belly burger, opting for a takeout after an exhausting day but were not expecting the cashiers joyful reaction.

"Ah hello you beautiful boy!"

You gave her a sceptical glance, pausing at the counter before noticing her kind smile was actually directed toward your dog - who shouldn't be inside but alas chose to follow you in anyway.

Zeus wagged his tail at the familiar welcoming, the woman walking around the counter to pet him much to your confusion, you were hungry after all but due to the happiness both parties displayed you saw no harm in waiting 5 minutes more.

"Where's your handsome owner? Can't be far behind no?" A pink hue settled on her cheeks, whoever this supposed master was apparently captured her romantic interest, regardless Zeus moved to sit by your side, leaning against your leg before releasing a bark.

"Dork." You tutted, tousling his ear.

The woman politely smiled, seemingly understanding the gesture but you didn't miss the flash of disappointment in her eyes.

"Ah you brought his lovely partner with you today hm? Well now the flowers make sense, you are a lucky one, I didn’t think men like that existed. I'll prepare his usual and what would you like this evening?" Her cheery attitude returned as she began preparing your alleged lover's signature order much to your quiet protest. Suspicion overwhelmed you by wondering what other companions your dog had - Zeus trotted over to the exit as the bell rang signifying a person entering/leaving the diner.

"Hey Sun. You waiting for me or somethin'?" Immediately your eyes widened, the familiar nickname of your canine and the way he spoke making your heart race.

However you didn't want to make your presence known, having assumed the Red Hood wouldn't be dressed as such - not if the waitress was so flawed by him. Although credit due, he already had a stunning body in his vigilante attire...

This was the man your dog trusted every night - the one who wrote you letters and had a beautiful way with words. The one who had the waitress before you blushing like a school girl by his mere presence alone. With a careless sigh, you directed your attention to the two only stopping a few away - the scene bringing an admiring smirk to your face, the very attractive ravenette knelt before your companion both talking an fussing him like they were the best of friends, which you supposed they were after all of their adventures.

The male shot a quick glance to the person they were supposedly holding up, once recognising you he hesitated before standing and moving to speak. That is, before you cut him off.

"Don't worry babe, I got yours too. Sit and eat with me?" Your tone was casual as if you’d both done this many times before, like you hadn’t just laid eyes on him, yet it held an underlying demand as you held the paper bag out toward him.

It wasn't exactly a choice, regardless of how effortless fabricating a relationship was between the two of you. He immediately collaborated with your intentions, knowing that there must be a reason for you to act this way.

"Always doll, I've got some news for you anyway." He must've understood that you deducted who he was, and so guided you to the nearest table with Zeus following.

.

"So..." The man awkwardly started, unsure of how to go about the situation and truthfully neither did you but addressed the main question hanging in the air.

"Before you ask it was Zeus, no one calls him Sun except his partner in crime and there's also how happy he was to see you, I knew straight away."

"Hah, can't believe he betrayed me like this. But I'm kinda glad (Y/n), although was the pet name thing really necessary?" Was his reply as he began eating much like you had, the atmosphere became more casual with your shared amusement thanks to Zeus' previous antics.

"Firstly Red, you started it ages ago. Secondly, I don't know your real name and finally, the cashier thinks we're together thanks to our 'shared ownership' of Zeus. Rather disappointing actually, the lady does seem fond of you." Of course you'd defended yourself, the position you'd put yourselves in was somewhat embarrassing but all you think of at the time.

"All valid points I admit, and I've noticed but hey, if we're together I guess she can move on. And it's Jason by the way, Jason Todd."

"Jason... It's not how I expected to find out your identity but I'm not complaining, you've got good taste in fast food."

"Yeah, honestly this isn't how I'd imagined things to go either." He shook his head, shy smile on his face almost as if he was embarrassed to admit it.

"How so?"

"I would've preferred to tell you that I'm a vigilante at least a few dates in, not the best starting point is it?"

"No but it’s definitely interesting. How about this be our first date and we can go from there? It's a proper thank you for bringing my fluffball back home." Zeus released an obnoxious whine at the nickname from his place on the floor beside the table where he'd chose to lie down as Jason laughed but agreed none the less.

"Since you've so kindly paid for this one (Y/n), the next date is on me."

"I've just found out you're a gun wielding crimelord - what makes you think there's going to be a next one?"

Upon hearing your playful tone Zeus immediately sat up, barked as if making an argument whilst wagging his tail and looking between the two of you proudly. Jason smirked, gesturing toward Zeus as he answered.

"He does."

[spaceymcspaceship]

alright DAY TWO

under the cut bc i made it through 6 episodes today

the pandorica opens

circa 102

tbh i don’t remember what happens so i just put it here and said sure

also this is the first multiparter i had to split (many stayed together but some were split thanks moff)

RIVER 

i forgot that 11′s era was just like take a shot every time the doc or a companion die lol

11 is peak Dumbass Asshole here and i say that with all the love in my heart

also listen every doc has their own level of them being singled out as special but 11 is called Special in every other ep so just can we stop complaining about 13 and the timeless child yet

smith you’re a talented little shit i probably haven’t said that before but you are

interesting different takes across these three roman eps though

pompeii was just like romans are just normal dysfunctional families just like u, eaters of light was like these romans are just scared children just like their opponents, and pandorica was like romans are a powerful army and in fact are something even scarier undercover

well we’ll catch up with the Not Quite Dead Yet gang in 1996 which is where i put the big bang

the girl who died

circa 800 

god i think i love 12 so much bc 9 times out of 10 his doc traits aren’t taken seriously

like his whole god complex and waltzing into a situation and pretending he’s in charge is boiled down here to him dicking around with a yo-yo

what a Dumbass

obvs other docs are this level of Idiot i mean i just watched 10 and his water gun in pompeii but 12 looks like he should be angsty and brooding and 98% of his blustering ends up being pure Nonsense

god what an appropriate ep to watch though with the callback to pompeii

also everything about being functionally immortal now hits differently thanks chibs

what a solid ep though 

i’m excited to keep going bc so far it’s made more sense than i thought it would cuz as messy as this show is it always seems to know thematically where to land

most obvious with storytelling as a weapon/defense instead of fighting here

it juxtaposes cool things that i wouldn’t necessarily notice if i watched it in sequence

and keeps me from getting bored lol

anyway we’ll catch up with our Functionally Immortal Dorks in not too long in 1651

robots of sherwood

circa 1190...ish

another clara and 12 adventure!

more stories! more grumpy grandpa who doesn’t believe in robin hood!

this ep was just sheer fun thanks doc who

i don’t have much else to say

vampires of venice

circa 1580

helen MCcrORY???

i don’t think i’ve ever seen this episode 

okay so tbh for a moment i really like 11 and amy and rory as characters i just...the love triangle drama...why....i think i remember it calming down later but right now they’ve all just met and like...why...

i’m still distracted by helen! mccrory!

god ‘you make others a danger to themselves’ 

again see what i said before everything in doctor who may be a mess that is currently on fire

but the understanding of the doctor and the show’s moral core doesn’t waver

i had to look up where they filmed bc i was 95% sure it was actually venice but no it was croatia so nicely done set design/editors/who ever else

i mean vampires...in...venice...waht more can i say

the shakespeare code

circa 1599

another CLASSIC

apparently the 16th century is for femme fatales

‘i’m sir doctor of tardis’ oh y god i’m dying

‘i’m a doctor’ ‘i am too’ martha jones i love you

just my love for martha overall she’s just so excited to be there 

i’d forgotten how flirty shakespeare was my god

wow 10 mentioning that rose would know what to do right in front of martha

dude my dude

again literally just campy fun i love this stupid show

the witchfinders

early 17th century

a 13 episode!! my love!!!! 

i’ve been dancing along to all of the opening credit so far but i do really really love 13′s credits

i hope you’re prepared for me to just reiterate how much i love 13 bc it’s coming

again just like thematically sound!!! 13 tells the fam not to interfere and they’re like even if somethings not right? which harkens back not only to other events in season 11 but also is so strong coming off 10 and 12 in pompeii and other places

i love 13 no brooding no questioning she just dives right into the water bc something is wrong

alan cumming is living his best life here my god he’s having so much fun

i didn’t catch this before but when willa is feeling sick and the doc is like let me sonic you and yaz instead knows it’s mental health

i just...yaz kills me and 13 dealing in realm of science and investigation first not emotions

the entire scene between the doc and king james is *insert fire emoji here*

‘just another wonder of the universe you’re not going to be able to tell anyone about’ the salt here. i love that this is such a negative. she’s like oh the world is cool but u don’t get to share it.

and finally with reiterating it’s okay to be scared but you have to keep going and don’t fear the unknown

i love this show

aaaaand that’s it for the night folks

[anastasiaskarsgard]

TO THE ANON THAT ASKED FOR A SMUTTY CHEATER BILL STORY HERE YA GO. I INITIALLY DELETED THE REQUEST BECAUSE I DONT CONDONE CHEATING BUT THEN I THOUGHT, ITS FAN FICTION. NO ONE TAKES IT SERIOUSLY AND IVE GOTTEN A FEW REQUESTS FOR THIS SO HERE YA GO.

Here’s part 1: https://anastasiaskarsgard.tumblr.com/post/188138288236/this-is-a-really-involved-request-so-im-breaking

And here is PART 2

Warning!!! Smut 18+ mature content.

As we pulled into the parking lot, everything hit me at once. I had literally witnessed my dog get murdered, the man I thought was perfect was Satan himself, I have no belongings, I don’t know anyone but Randi here. But then I remembered all the good like I was free, I’m not dead, I have the best friend in the whole world, I already found a job and got paid a lot for basically getting to be near the hottest guy ever and there’s photographic evidence, and literally the world is my oyster. I even get to go to Canada! Hayden Christensen lives there! I look over at Randi and can’t help but laugh when I see her sassy face. She is not a fan of feeling sorry for yourself. “Sorry, I’ll stop. They’re happy tears! I swear! I’m so happy I have you, and we’re going on this adventure. I’m just grateful.”

“Wow. Don’t cry Bitch. You’ll fuck up your make up.” my best friend joked.

I chuckled, and gave her a hug, then stood straight out of the car and let her lead the way to see if everyone had gotten a table together in Mortons.

We found everyone taking their seats. I took the closest open seat next to the photographer and Randi sat between Andy and Bill across from us. I didn’t want to look at Bill and have Randi give me shit, so I read the entire menu like 3 times to avoid looking up. We all ordered, and then Andy had the idea for everyone to introduce themselves:

“Ok since everyone is from all over the place, let’s do a fun little ice breaker. I’ll start. My name is Andy, I’m from the beautiful country of Argentina and I’m a Director as I’m sure you all know, let’s be more original, I know! Name your fear! I’m afraid of drowning.”

“My name is Randi, I’m from Kalamazoo Michigan, I’m an artist and I’m afraid of flying.”

“Ok hi everybody! I’m Bill, I’m from Stockholm Sweden, I’m a human and I’m afraid of being alone.”

I giggled like an idiot, froze and looked over at Randi, who was smiling at me, shaking her head. Dammit.

“My name is Barbara and I’m Andy’s sister, and I am afraid of creepy crawly things.”

“I’m Maria from Brazil, I am photographer and I fear bad lighting and flaky models. Thank goodness for Liv appearing like magic and save the day.” She smiled at me warmly and squeezed my hand.

I felt everyone’s eyes on me, and could feel my heart pounding in my chest. I couldn't bear to look at Bill or Randi, so I stared down in my lap and could feel my face heating up. “I’m Liv from Las Vegas, I guess I’m a model for now and I’m afraid of being a failure, velociraptors, roller coasters, centipedes and public speaking.” I chuckled uncomfortably. I ramble when I’m nervous.

“I’m afraid of velociraptors as well,” Bill laughed. “Jurassic Park ruined me as a child.”

Everyone laughed heartily at Bill’s expense but I felt appreciative of him making my ridiculous fear seem more credible and drawing attention away from my obvious nervousness. I snuck a peek at him and he winked at me playfully.

I didn't know what to think of this beautiful man. My initial reaction to him had been negative. He seemed like every other snobby Hollywood type, complete with crazy girl problems, but as the day progressed, he surprised me over and over with how genuine he seemed to be.

As lunch went on, Randi and Maria were talking technical terms, so Bill and I looked at each other and just smiled and shrugged our shoulders. It wasn't like we were being ignored, just everyone except us was wrapped up in their own conversations. I was content with that too, but then an ice cube flew into my cleavage.

My eyes shot open and I observed a very amused Bill trying to contain his laughter but not doing a very good job.

”I promise I’m not an asshole. I have just been trying to get your attention since we got here. So how long you been in LA?” He asked me like i was the most interesting thing he’d ever encountered.

”What time is it? Less than 24 hours.”

His eyes went wide and he choked on his drink a bit, then began to laugh at himself . ”wow, and you already booked a major job? Who is your agent? Are you an actress or just gorgeous... I mean a model.”

”you are super smooth Bill. I’m kidding! Don’t pout you’ll get wrinkles.” I had to give him some shit. “I don’t have an agent because I don’t have any interest in fame at all.”

He looked impressed by that for some reason. ”so what brought you here?”

”Randi is my best friend, and I needed a change of scenery.” I said making sure to avoid eye contact. I knew I was just being paranoid, but I felt like he could look into my soul, with the intensity he was looking at me with. I’m a terrible liar, so I’m convinced if I look at him, he’ll see I’m not being honest. I didn't want to mention the literal hell id escaped to be here.

I could still feel his gaze on me, and I caught Andy looking between us with an unreadable expression. He's a director so he probably can read people really well.

Shit. I’m probably just being my normal neurotic psycho self. No one probably gives two shits about me, and this is all in my head. These people are famous and successful. I’m just another one of the millions of girls that they encounter in LA.

Maria tapped my shoulder. “Hi honey, can you switch seats with your friend? I want to show some my work?”

I smiled and agreed, but the butterflies in my stomach were going crazy as I took my seat by Bill. He was texting so I got my phone out to play a game or two. Suddenly I felt Bill’s leg press up against mine. I looked over at him, but he just continued with his phone, but was clearly smirking. Just then The food arrived and I was famished, so all other thoughts were abandoned.

“Wow! You eat real food!” Andy exclaimed.

“Oh it’s not fair! Liv has always eaten whatever she wants and doesn’t gain a pound.” Randi whined.

I blushed feeling all the attention on myself again. I wanted to fade into my surroundings like a chameleon. “I like to eat.”

I looked at Bill and he was off his phone but I could tell he was watching me as he ate.

“What?” I asked finally, when he didn’t stop looking at me.

“You’re very interesting.” He said.

“How?” I scoffed.

“Well for starters you’re drop dead gorgeous but you don’t like being the center of attention. Am I right?”

“I wouldn’t go with drop dead gorgeous, maybe conventionally attractive. There’s not really anything wrong with me, but there’s nothing to write home to your mother about either.”

He chuckled. “See? There you go again. You’re humble and funny too.”

I could feel my face burning so I excused myself to go use the restroom, but Bill said he’d show me where it was since he needed to smoke and make some calls.

I was fully aware where it was, but agreed and figured I’d let him show me. He turned before we reached the bathroom and he opened a door that appeared to almost blend in to the wall, revealing a very plush, luxurious bathroom with a large vanity.

“Oh my gosh is this like the Secret VIP potty?” I asked. I had always heard about secret lounges and VIP cool stuff so I was ecstatic to actually see one. I probably seemed like such a dork but I didn’t care.

“Something like that.” He said following me inside and locking the door behind him. I turned around to tell him there only appeared to be one toilet, when he took a couple steps and closed the distance between us and kissed me, pinning me against the wall.

He pulled back and looked down into my eyes, “I’ve wanted to do this since I saw you.” He said deepening the kiss again.

I stepped aside to move out from under him and caught my breath. “Your girlfriend though!”

“It’s over with her. It’s been stale a long time” He said as he wrapped his arm around my waist. “Don’t worry, I'm sick of her. I much rather have you. Do you have a boyfriend?” He pulled me against him again and my God the man was so good looking.

“Nope. I’d have kicked you if I did, I’m not a cheater.” I couldn’t believe his lips were on me. I tried to think and get ahold of myself and be rational, but as he kissed down my neck and groped my breasts, it was getting hard to remember why this wasn’t the best idea ever.

“. Listen, you’re very attractive Bill. Like best looking guy I’ve ever seen attractive, and I’m flattered, but we should get back. They’re gonna wonder.”

“This dress is killing me though, and youre so so beautiful.” He groaned lustilly, as he slowly slid my dress’ strap down, continuing his way down, kissing down my throat to my chest. He exposes my breast and looks up to make sure I wasn’t going to object, but when I just bit my lip, he placed his mouth on my nipple, suckling at my breast. He releases it with a popping sound, and slips a hand under my skirt, rubbing me through my panties, as he sucksin a breath through his teeth, before going for my other breast. This motherfucker is gonna kill me. How can one man be so hot and what did I do in a past life to deserve this shit? Seriously universe? How do I carry on knowing his tongue was on my nipple?

He hiked my skirt up to brush his fingertips across my folds. He bit my bottom lip and then pulled his hand out from under my skirt, and sensually tasted his fingers before leading me to the large round cushioned ottoman at the vanity, trying to get me to sit.

“What are you up to? You’re - this is so bad.” I tell him as he pushes me down lightly as he kisses me passionatly.

He looked deep in my eyes. “Please let me taste you and make you feel good. I don’t expect anything from you and I don’t do this type of thing ever, but I’ve honestly never wanted to see what someone tastes like more in my life.”

FUCK. Who in the hell could say no to that?

All I could do is nod, too shocked to fully comprehend that this was really happening.

He got on his knees in front of me and I couldn’t help but admire his gorgeous features. As crazy as it sounds, he had the most beautiful bone structure; severe and angular, yet it was offset by his big green eyes with their long sweeping lashes, luscious plump full lips, and adorable perfect little child-like nose. His hair was silky and thick and he smelled like mint and soap.

I watched as he pulled my underwear off and placed them in his pocket, before leaning me back with one hand, as the other lifted my dress. He bit my inner thigh gently, but still sent a thrill up my spine causing me to visibly shudder.

“I haven’t even started yet,” he smirked up at me cockily, before pressing his mouth to my sex before I had time to reply. I’d had my pussy eaten before, but nothing like this. There was no sign of nervousness or insecurity that some men display when they go down there. Like you can tell they’re not sure what the fuck to do, but Bill was sure of himself and seemed to genuinely love doing it. He was so enthusiastic and it felt so amazing. I never had done something like this in my life, and wouldn’t even kiss on a first date, yet here I am. I was scandalized and aroused, and so close to an orgasm it was shocking.

“You gonna cum for me baby?. I love how you look right now.... Cum on my face.... please?” He pleaded and pushed another finger inside of me. I couldn’t look at him. It was all too much.

I let out a moan as he moved his fingers and tongue in such a combined effort, that I reached out and gripped his hair, pressing his face against me as my release crashed down on me, violently shaking me, and making everything go white, as it wound down. It was seriously one of the most intense orgasms I’ve ever had, and it took me longer than a polite amount of time to realize I was still holding his face, and immediately released him”I’m so sorry, I didn't realize I- .”

“Sshhh.” He said chuckling and came up and kissed me deeply. “Can you taste yourself on me?”

I nodded shyly, looking away to break eye contact. He was so intense and I wasn’t sure what he would want me to do to return the favor.

He put his finger under my chin and pulled my face back over to look in his eyes. “You’re beautiful.”

I looked back at him, waiting to see what he did next. I was surprised he wasn't taking his pants off, but was too shy to try and take them off myself. I really wanted to though, and that surprised me. I wanted him to fuck me and wasn’t going to think about it, just do it. Like Nike.

He stood up and helped me to my feet, and helped smooth my dress out. He pulled me into another kiss and I could feel how excited he was.

“Let me make you feel nice now.” I mentally scolded myself for saying something so not sexy but just looked up at him with my best doe eyed look.

“You’re so cute. Don’t worry about me, just yet. I don’t want a quickie in a bathroom with you, I want like a bed and many. many. hours. I want to impress you.”

“I’m fucking impressed Bill.”

He chuckled and bit his lip, and you could see the wheels turning. “I really want to fuck you but I also don’t wanna be too long and full disclosure, Andy threatened serious bodily harm not to touch you. Said you’re a heartbreaking man eater.”

“Randi advised me to avoid you because you’re a foreign actor that’s too good looking for his own good. You’re obviously a monster.”

We both got a good laugh out of that.

“What’s your phone number?” He asked taking out his phone.

“I don’t currently have one. I need to get one. I lost mine yesterday.”

He looked at me incredulously. “If you don’t want to give me your number it’s ok.”

“No. Take Randi’s number, that’s the phone I was using earlier anyways, that way you can call, cuz I don’t have a pen or anything.”

“How about your email, and then you can send me your number when you get it. Randi might catch on if I call her phone.”

“You’re so smart! You’ll see me in a week on your new movie too.”

“Really? That’s the best news I got all day but if you think I’m waiting a week to be inside you, you’re insane. Now go, just say I went to smoke and make calls if they ask where I am. I’ll give it a couple minutes.”

I gave him my email and walked out the door to go try and act like the hottest fucking thing to ever happen in my life, didn’t just go down. When I turned the corner, I nearly threw up and cane to a screeching halt. I met eyes with the estranged exgirlfriend. I didn’t wanna seem weird so I smiled and sat down to finish my meal, since turning around and running the other direction might bad. I mean as far as I was concerned he was single, so I had no reason to feel guilty of anything. And I didn’t plan on admitting that happened to anyone, so not telling her was totally fine. She tapped on my arm and I cautiously turned to her.

“Did you see Bill by chance?” She asked politely.

“He said he was smoking and making some important calls when he left the table earlier.”

She laughed a little and rolled her eyes, “that man and his cigarettes! I blame Hemlock Grove for turning him into a chainsmoker. He’s probably smoked two or three in a row.”

“All this talk about smoking makes me want one, I’ll go find him. Excuse me ladies.” Andy said, as he quickly walked towards the exit to find Bill.

“He’s probably going to warn Bill that I’m here. We got in a fight earlier and he can be such a brat. Watch when he comes back, he’ll pretend like nothing happened.”

Maybe she didn’t realize he really was done with her. She had a funny accent so I assumed she’s Swedish too. He was probably her only friend out here so I couldn’t help but pity her.

“Between silent treatments and smoking, Bill would be dead by morning.” Randi said with a mischievous wink.

“Oh if you could see his hissy fits, they’re the worst!” She enthused. “Anything in his hands he’ll throw and if it’s something like a sandwich or drinks and won’t hurt you, he’ll throw it on you. But then if I try and ignore him, he’ll lay on me like a big dead weight until I speak.” His girlfriend said, laughing hysterically. Everyone joined in telling stories of past boyfriends that were grown men, having varying degrees of tantrums, but I just sat silently. My ex story wasn’t funny.

Andy and Bill came back and I could feel an anxiety attack creeping up on me.

I looked up and Bill was staring at me and I looked to Randi and she had a puzzled look on her face. In an effort to not give anything away to her, my eyes shot back up to Bill.

Bill looked furious. He seethed animosity and I just looked down at my plate to avoid that glare. I wasn't sure if I was the cause or she was, but I desperately wanted to run out of the place screaming and looked at Randi again pleading with my eyes to go. She seemed to catch on and I tried to keep it together.

His ex got up and rushed over to him. Just as I looked up, she planted a soft kiss on his cheek. My eyes narrowed involuntarily as he glanced over at me, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from him. His girlfriend grabbed his face and kissed him right on the lips.

I felt like I was going to throw up. Tears threatened to spill but I held them back as I stared at my lap. I kept seeing Bill’s eyes as he looked up at me from between my legs. Flashes of him pinning me to the wall, or oh my fucking god! My underwear are in his pocket!

My pussy is on his face too and he just kissed her.

He seemed so genuine, but he was an actor, what did I expect. Faking Feelings and emotions was how he paid the bills. I couldn’t believe how stupid and guillable I was! He probably got off on this shit. Poor woman. I was exaggerating when I’d said he was a monster but goddammit I was right!!!

”Ok thank you for inviting us and I can't wait to see whoever is going to join us in Toronto, but Liv and I must be off for an important appointment and then packing.” Randi said her goodbyes as I walked around the table and stood beside her, keeping my back to Bill.

”Bye everybody. I had fun” I said Sweetly and then I turned on my heel and walked past Bill without a glance.

”See you two in Toronto.” Bill called after us, and even though I refused to look at him, I could feel his eyes burning into my back as we walked away.

[homespork-review]

Homespork Act 1: The Note Dawdling Tension Plays (Part 2)

BRIGHT: The next bit of narration continues to establish John’s character: he has no idea what to call the red arm on the mailbox, and doesn’t care. We also learn that much like many teenagers, he doesn’t want to spend hours with his Dad. The author uses this opportunity to drop in a reference to the title.

The next page has a loading screen! I think this is the first interactive page in the comic. (For a certain value of interactive - you can mouseover the vertical lines of the games in the CD rack, and the cover of the game will pop up. Some of these link you to other works by Hussie.)

CHEL: Unfortunately, we then go into sylladex shenanigans AGAIN. Mercifully, this time it’s brief. We’ll let this one go, but I’ve got one eye on you, Huss.

TG messages John again, making reference to “TT”, who is confirmed female and alleged to be “mackin on” TG, and to his “bro” who “basically knows everything and is awesome”. How sincere he is in either of those remains to be seen. Finally, John actually gets told how to use his sylladex. Maybe the shenanigans will stop now… Anyway, he selects hammers for his strife specibus, or his weapon of choice, and the sylladex is confirmed able to hold things which would be too big to carry normally, such as Colonel Sassacre's Daunting Text of Magical Frivolity and Practical Japery, a book roughly as big as John is. At least the stupid sylladex actually has some practical use - I’m sure John’s as happy as I am to know that!

Next we see the review which put TG off; GameBro magazine explains “Why the ‘Game of the Year’ or whatever isn’t as good as some other stuff I like that’s better”. As it turns out once you get past the Totally Radical verbiage, the reviewer didn’t even play it. Something suspect’s definitely going on if it’s so hyped up on so little information… erm, is it just me or is the term “Brotel Rwanda” rather tacky? I don’t know if that’s worth a point, the point of the joke could be that the game reviewer is an idiot…

FAILURE ARTIST: I’d have that squarely as a point.

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 1

CHEL: Okay, then, here’s our fourth count. Title is a reference to a line later in the comic, and I think the point of the count is pretty obvious. Mileage may vary, all works would get at least a couple points in this, and I don’t think it’s a big problem unless/until it starts to climb out of proportion. Not gonna use a WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM count because the reviewer, as seen in the pic, is supposed to be a white guy.

Regarding the rest of the review, I did consider whether this falls under the heading of HNTWAN’s “I, Youngster” (using slang or references from one’s own youth to write a contemporary younger person), but I’d say no, because it’s supposed to sound ridiculous. Same with John’s movies; his taste is supposed to be bad, I don’t think Hussie actually thinks kids in 2009 still all liked bad movies from before they were born. That, and Hussie’s word choices are frankly like nothing I’ve ever seen anywhere else in any time period.

We shall move on, as so is the comic. Forty-seven pages into the comic, the main character finally leaves his bedroom. Wow. Things are happening at breakneck speed here.

TIER: Truly the pace strides forward like a Colossus through Lilliput.

GET ON WITH IT!: 2

CHEL: Though the silly Groucho Marx disguise he puts on is cute.

BRIGHT: Of course, since it would be interesting to see what’s in the mailbox (or at least would move the plot along a bit), John spends the next few pages examining his home.

I’m torn about this. On the one hand, it does a bit more fleshing out of John and his home life, which is more interesting than endless sylladex shenanigans, and the narration is entertaining. On the other hand, I’m pretty sure that on my first read through I clicked through all of it, trying to get to something happening. It holds up better on the re-read to me.

Well, something does happen, John knocks over the urn containing his grandmother’s ashes and opens a box from his father which holds a full-sized harlequin doll. Again, how much this appeals depends on what you think of ‘loveable dork’ characters fumbling around.

Then we return briefly to John’s bedroom, where we meet the third character of this webcomic, tentacleTherapist, or the alluded-to TT. The conversation isn’t very long, but it does give a good sense of what TT is like.

CHEL: Specifically, prone to sarcasm and sesquipedalian loquaciousness. Also to inappropriate jokes. An invocation of the hentai trope "tentacle rape" (read her handle quickly) is a fairly uncomfortable username for a child to have.

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 2

Anyway, it seems she knows John very well - she’s able to guess he’s wearing “one of your disguises” with no clue in his messages, so evidently he does this a lot. She’s probably the smartest character introduced so far, and she and John seem to have a good relationship.

Now, again, this was originally a reader-driven forum game, but when it was collated into a webcomic, it might have been better to have the conversation with TT moved to before John left the room, so we’re not going back and forth unnecessarily. One journey through the house is enough, I’d say. Another GET ON WITH IT point, or does this come under the heading of the second point still? I’ll be nice and not count it, since he was going back to fetch an item and not just randomly wandering.

We definitely get more points from the text in Colonel Sassacre’s joke book:

And what of that tawny gent who puts his lackadaisical lean near the sarsaparilla font? You’ll have that listless octoroon find the spring in his step just yet! CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 3 WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 2

The point of these lines is that the text is outdated and racist, not that it should be emulated, but the “outdated” point was more than got across by the language used already. And it would seem fairly weird for a person who wasn’t white to read a line like that and not comment on it - okay, maybe John’s read it before and is used to it, but the narrator ought to point that out if it had ever bothered him.

FAILURE ARTIST: Colonel Sassacre is basically Mark Twain with a party hat photoshopped on to him. Mark Twain’s most famous work, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, has gotten into trouble in recent years because of the name of one of the characters: [N-word] Jim. The novel is progressive for its time but it hasn’t aged well. I’m guessing Colonel Sassacre’s unnecessary racism is a nod to that controversy.

CHEL: Get used to Photoshopped depictions of real people, too.

BRIGHT: John ventures out into the house again, ostensibly to retrieve the game but really to stick his fake arms to the harlequin doll and nose around his father’s study. Should the comment about the peanut allergy count towards ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY? In context with the can of peanuts I think there’s meant to be a joke here…

There is also a CAN OF PEANUTS on the desk. Ha ha, oh DAD. You won't be falling for THAT one again any time soon. A severe peanut allergy is a terrible affliction to cope with.

CHEL: That line? Yeah, it's a reference to the snake nut can prank item - have you seen those on cartoons, where someone offers canned snacks and a spring-loaded toy snake pops out? A dark joke, sure, but my sense of humour tends to run that way and I loled. CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS instead, possibly? I don’t know if people with life-threatening allergies would be offended by this - the joke isn’t that they’re weak or stupid or anything, the joke is the play on the reader’s expectations. I wouldn’t mind it if I had a peanut allergy, but as I said, my sense of humour is pretty dark.

FAILURE ARTIST: I feel like if a certain other parent we meet later did that people would take it as abusive.

CHEL: My assumption was that John’s dad didn’t actually mean to give him food that would kill him, that was just an unfortunate way of finding out he was allergic, but in this comic, who the fuck knows?... Come to think of it, maybe he did mean to. Peanut allergies run in families and it’s established much later on that one of the relatives involved (it gets complicated) also has a deadly peanut allergy, so it would seem logical that Dad would also have one and thus wouldn’t have them around to eat himself. Even if he did, that’s a bad move with an allergic person in the house. Maybe it is worth an ARE YOU TRYING point, then? Maybe this is just overanalysing, but then overanalysing is the whole point of this exercise, so there it goes!

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 1

For clarification of the listed counts, this isn’t going under CALL CPA PLEASE because that one’s for when the kids do something disturbing themselves. We’ll show you what we mean when it comes up. We'll be nice and let Rose have an inappropriate username, that's not out of the ordinary for kids that age.

And speaking of said points, what about Dad giving John at least four birthday cakes? (He has two untouched ones in his room at the point he says he’s been eating cake all day, and Dad soon tries to give him yet another one.) That sounds cool from a thirteen-year-old’s point of view, but it kinda comes across as if Dad’s trying to feed him to death, and intentionally making kids horribly unhealthy can be a form of abuse. Or possibly to make up for something awful he knows about… Is the latter further evidence for the “guardians know about what’s coming” theory? Dad’s coddling John because he knows horrible things are going to happen? Hell, were the peanuts an attempted mercy kill, if we wanna get really tinfoil hat about it?

All that’s for later, though. Meantime, we get our first page with sound, as John plays “Showtime”, a nifty little piano tune.

"Homestuck // Showtime (Piano Refrain) // Piano" (Watch on YouTube)

The other kids get their own individual little musical parts too, later on, which merge to form one full piece.

FAILURE ARTIST: Music is a big draw in Homestuck. Not just these four main characters but pretty much every character has their own leitmotif.

[formal-fauxpines]

Siblings with Benefits Chapter 3

For this chapter @sunshineshipper let me have a lot of input on this chapter to where it is kind of my own thing. Of course I made sure to get her approval and have her give me the okay, so it is main author approved. If it seems different style wise then that is the reason why. Hope it is to your liking and still fits the rest of the story.

P.S. I am re-posting this to this current page as my original page I put this on was hit by the purge. Here it should have no problem.

Free period was always a great relief to Dipper, but  today is especially nice. He would usually  take the time to study. Either keep up with his numerous AP classes or catch up on a few personal projects. However, instead of any of that, it seems it's time for deeper thought about himself and about his sister.

He and his sister have always been close. The occasional rough housing, sharing rooms up until they were teenagers, cuddling up to each other for twin time, awkward sibling hugs. How did that all escalate to becoming siblings with benefits? This seems a bit more than unusually close. But friends who are usually that close have these kind of habits right? Take it to something more physical without letting emotions really get in the way.

None of the friends he knows, though.

They could be different. They could make it work. They've been doing a great job so far.

“Hello. Earth to Dipper,”  A hand waves in his face to catch his attention. He's startled out of all his thoughts.

Dipper looks up and sees Jared waving at him, a puzzled look on his face.

“Hey, man. Thought I lost ya there for a minute. You have some intense focus there. That or something is on your mind to an extreme.”

“A little of both I guess you can say. What brings you down here to the library?”

“Free period. Would like to get started on my homework since I have some catching up to do. You know, with being new here.”

“That’s a smart idea. Welp, pull up a chair there is plenty of room,” Dipper gestures to the table and its seats, offering him a spot in his place of solitude.

They sit together doing their respective homework, looking to one another to discuss answers and help one another. They finish early with the added brain power and spend the rest of the period discussing the latest video games, shows, and other shared interest.

“Yeah, I was getting along pretty well in my game last night before Mabel came back home.”

“Oh, yeah!” Jared perked up at the subject. A few shushes were directed toward him. He hunches down embarrassed for his outburst, “How was that? I take it she is now off the market?”

“Actually, no. Turns out the date was really a study session for the guy for art class since Mabel is an art genius. She was really crushed, so I had to, um… comfort her.”

“Makes sense. You are the good big brother and all. And by the looks of it and what I have been hearing from people, you guys are pretty close.”

“You have no idea, dude.”

“Oh? How so?”

‘Shit! Too much! Gotta draw back!’

“Well, you know…” he shifts in his chair because suddenly the hard wood is more uncomfortable than it was before, “we’re twins so naturally we are close to begin with. Plus with all our adventures we have a lot of great experiences together so makes us a bit closer. I don’t know, even becoming teens we never felt like we drifted apart. In fact, we are just as close as we’ve always been. Also so you should know she is older than me by 5 minutes”

“That’s beautiful man,” Jared smiles and pats him on the back. “I can imagine you are quite protective of her and everything too.”

Dipper thought back to all the times since that first summer in Gravity Falls and times that followed after.

“Yeah, you could say that.”

“But maybe not too protective as to say, oh, I don’t know. Allow a friend to possibly ask her out on a little date?” Jared leaned back and stared at Dipper as if awaiting a response.

Dipper felt caught off guard by this question. He knew the answer to this question was a no due to his sister not wanting romance, but also can’t go so far that he admitted that she was in a sexual relationship with him too.

‘Calm down Dipper. This is an easy question. Give him the straight answer and it will be fine. He will understand.’

“Well,” Dipper rubbed the back of his neck. “While I was comforting her, she kind of opened up about her whole romance tepockle and how she is feeling about it now. Aaaannnddd, she really isn’t looking for a romantic interest right now. Kind of taking a break from the whole subject.”

“Okay, that’s cool. I can respect that decision. Will not ask her out then… But say she does at some point later on is looking to date. Would, you know, it be alright iiiiffffff…?”

“If you ask her out?” Dipper finishes for him. “I don't see why not. But that is up to her of course.”

“Oh, psshh, of course man. Got to just use the old charm and let her decide for herself.” Jared bobbed his head as he fired off a set of finger guns toward Dipper.

“Dang, dude. And I thought I was a dork.”

“Come on man, we are both denizens of dork-dom.” Jared held out his fist to Dipper who met it with his own. They shared a quiet chuckle together hoping not to be too loud to warrant a ‘shh’.

“Oh yeah, just remembered,” Jared said before rummaging through his backpack. “Since we talked about it yesterday I figured you would be interested in this game.” Jared pulls out a game from his pack and hands it to Dipper.

“No way, I saw some great reviews on this. Look forward to trying it out. You sure this is okay?”

“Yeah man, say it’s a thanks for being so awesome to me as a new guy.”

“No problem man, I know it can be hard.”

**************************************************

At the end of the school day, Dipper met up with Mabel as per usual as Jared tagged along to chat with Dipper,  and get more time with Mabel. They seemed to get along well for having just met, but then again that was Mabel’s specialty. Not too long after Jared parted ways from the twins to head to his home.

“That guy is pretty cool, much like my bro bro, in a very dorky way.”

“Yeah, he’s pretty cool. Lent me a new video game today.”

“Ah man. I had plans for us tonight Dipster. Now you’re just gonna be a poophead and want to play that.”

“Sorry Mabel. Just kind of popped up. Plus I been looking forward to playing this one. Just haven’t had the money as of late.”

“Well it was going to be a nice surprise, but now we will never know.”

“Come on Mabel you can tell me. Maybe it will change my mind.”

“If that’s what you think, then you have fundamentally misunderstood what a surprise is oh brother of mine. Shame on you.”

“Okay, okay. Fair enough.”

“Hmm. How about this. I’ll race you home and I will tell you what it is then.”

“Wait, a race? Mabel you always beat me at those.”

“Only way Dipper. Guess it will stay a secret forever.”

“Okay fine, deal”

“Allllllrrrriiiggghhhtt… READYSETGO!!!” With a last rapidly made statement Mabel bolted toward home leaving Dipper in the dust.

“Of course she would.” Dipper took off after her in the hopes to keep up, yet he knew it was a futile effort. Without the adrenaline he usually gets in a monster encounter, Dipper’s athleticism was much to be desired.

‘Where did she get this energy from. It was just this morning that she shook off a hangover and we did it twice. How is she not dead tired?’

Dipper shook off his thoughts as he got into a good pace, catching up with his sister enough. Unfortunately for him the race was over as she bolted through the door of their house while he just reached the front yard. Out of breath, he stumbled into the living room where Mabel was doing her victory dance.

“ALPHA TWIN! ALPHA TWIN!” She chanted rhythmically though her breaths.

“Alright Mabel you won. I guess you can keep your secret then.”

“Well I never said I wouldn’t tell you if I won. I just said you had to race me.”

“Wait, why make it a competition if you were just going to do it anyways?”

“Well, for one it was fun. Two, got to show I am Alpha Twin still. And three, I wanted to get home as quick as possible without spoiling the surprise.”

“Danm Mabel,”Dipper manages to get out after finally catching his breath. “What the heck is the surprise then?”

“Ooohhh, just this.”

Just as Dipper catches his breath, he finds it snatched away again as Mabel removes her sweater and shirt revealing her bra and bare skin.

“Mabel! What the hell are you doing?!”

“Relax bro-bro,” she said as she sauntered over to lay a kiss upon him, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Turns out mom and dad have another late night at work and won’t be back for some time. So that means we have another evening to ourselves.

She gives another kiss to her brother who is slightly caught off guard still by his sisters boldness and the news she lays upon him. Mabel releases her grip and takes a few steps back leaving him with a bewildered expression on his face.

“Then again you do have that new video game you wanted to try, so maybe we don’t have to do it tonight. We’ll just have to wait for another opportunity for the parents to be gone for an explicitly long period of time. Oh well.”

With that statement, Mabel begins walking up the stairs. Upon reaching the top, she decides to remove her skirt revealing a lace purple thong.

“I’ll be relaxing in my room if you want to join me Sir Dippingsauce.” She gives him a wink and sauntered off to her room.’

Without even thinking, Dipper dropped the game and his bag on the floor where he stood, bolted up the stairs, grabbed a few condoms from his room, and darted into Mabel’s room, locking the door behind him.

Here she laid before him. Body the epitome of perfection; lythe form, perky breasts, beautiful face, eyes that were lipid pools that were the gateway to the soul. A body so incredibly hot that it was in the middle of the tundra and he wouldn’t even notice the cold. Legs that go on forever, curves that could be put on graphing paper and the equation would be called perfection. His brain was short circuiting over the fact that he is about to have such an intimate time with this perfect creature.

A soft moan snaps Dipper out of the rollercoaster ride his brain was taking him. Apparently, Mabel was getting bored waiting for him. The sight he was treated to now had his mind, and loins, at full attention that no amount of worry less than getting caught, or the end of the world could distract him from.

Her hands exploring the contours of her body was a breathtaking sight. The way she ran them over her form was nothing less than an elegant display of what her craft worthy hands could do. As they explore, she focused more on the most pleasurable areas of her anatomy. Caressing and fondling, always staying outside her lingerie, as if saving the more direct touches for him. Her eyes bored in to him as she touched herself, half lidded she says “You can look, but aren’t you going to touch?”

Dipper walks over to her, trying to play cool and failing to hide his anticipation, placing the condoms on her nightstand. He undresses down to his boxers before settling down next to her. She scoots over to make more room for him, keeping eye contact the whole time.

“I-is it alright if I touch you?” he asks.

She nods, biting her lower lip.

Dipper places his hand along her stomach gently caressing her milky smooth skin. She lets out a slight moan and giggle. He notes the reaction and begins to slide his hand lower making it over her hips and down to her thighs. As he lets his hands explore her lithe figure, he moves in to kiss her. It’s slow and intimate. Lips press gently to one another as tongues reach out to meet and entwine. All the while his hand runs over her giving her goosebumps.

She grew more eager by the minute as the kisses grew more passionate and desperate for his affection. Eventually she grabs his hand and places it between her legs. Dipper’s stunned by her sudden boldness.

Is this really his sister?  The same person who just last night was having difficulty just staring at him while naked, is now making the next move?

His mind is pulled out from its concerns as a desperate whimper and a bucking of her hips begs him for more. Dipper could think about this all later. For now he has a job to do. Refocusing he runs his fingers back and forth over her panties. He notices how wet she has gotten just feeling the outside. He could hardly believe any of this was his doing.

As he continues to caress her moistened sex, he breaks the kiss and moves to her neck, laying a series of kisses on her pulse, sending shivers through her body. He feels her arm move and reach down to grab hold of his manhood. It breaks his concentration enough to where he has to look up and see her face and stare into her eyes.

Eyes glazed over with lust and desperation, she’s practically begging for more of him.

“Dipper? I think I'm ready for it now,” she moans in a sultry voice.

As soon as he nods, she shifts her body. Grabbing his shoulders, she pins him to the bed to straddle him. Eyes now wide and shaken from the euphoric haze that clouded his mind earlier.

‘Okay, seriously. Where did all this come from?”

His mind is plunged into the haze again as she rocks her hips, gliding herself over his bulge. Even through two layers of cloth, he can tell how wet she had become. She continues rubbing herself along his clothed shaft. She pants and moans with pleasure. Every so often she would dip down and kiss along his neck and ear shuddering out inaudible words to him. After teasing him enough, she lifts her head to stare into his eyes. Even through the fog in his head, he can see the hunger she has for him. Before he could say anything about it, she plants such a passionate kiss to him that it put all they had shared to shame. Her kiss gives off a white hot intensity and he couldn’t believe it. Particularly the fact that he's the one receiving it.

She lifts herself up enough to break the kiss, “Are you ready, Dipper?”

“Y-yeah,” is all he can let out. He used to be the stable one between the two of them during these newly found sensual sessions, but now it's her turn, and he’s just fine with that. He wants her to be more comfortable with all of this after all, and it seems like she's more so than expected.

Mabel moves herself down, positioning herself on his thighs. She reaches over to the condoms and tears one of the squares off. She lifts herself enough to pull down her thong revealing to Dipper her moist slit. As soon as she’s done she focuses on him, removing his plaid boxers in one felled swoop letting his cock finally stand at full attention.

The look of admiration in her eyes sends Dipper’s heart into high gear, clearly visible with how his member twitches. Removing the latex sheath from it’s package, she grasps his member with her hand, giving it a few light strokes to tease him. It works well as he moans in surprise, anguish, and pleasure. Satisfied with her deed, she places the ring of rubber to his head and rolls it down the shaft. How the hell she learned to do it so smoothly would be added to is piling list of questions. For now he doesn't dare interrupt her flow.

She positions herself above his shaft once more, grabbing it to better guide it into her. Before she lowers herself, she gives a nod to Dipper who nods back. With that, she begins her slow descent, inching every bit of him into her. It may have been their third time, but it felt just as amazing as the first.

As she manages to slide all the way to meet his pelvis, she grinds into him, feeling him reach the deepest parts of her from this new angle. It’s different for him not having the control like before. Perhaps it was for the best though, letting his sister find her rhythm since he already found his. Especially when she hits the right spot and cries out his name, he has no complaints about being bottom this time.

She goes through varying motions and readjusts herself while on top of him. From gyrating her hips while sitting upright to getting close to him and lifting herself up and down on his shaft while kissing him all over. He returns the favor the best he can by reaching up and massaging her breasts or sucking upon them given the opportunity. Whatever he thought he could do best and provide her more pleasure.

Eventually they settle into a rhythm that works best for both of them. Mabel riding Dipper with gentle thrusts on his part to reach the right spots. All while he grabs her backside, helping her in the motions while still letting her keep control.  Seeing her in this position, having this much control over him, drove him all the more wild.

After a few more minutes of pleasure, Dipper felt the coil in his core tighten as Mabel’s schlick walls begin to grip more around him, feeding into his pleasure. He isn't going to last much longer.

“M-Mabel, I’m,” he groans through labored breaths, “I’m not going to last much longer.”

With breaths equally as sparse, “It’s okay, Dipper. Just give it to me. Don’t hold back.”

With those words uttered, in the way she did, opened the floodgates for him. He picked up the pace, tightened his grip, and mustered all the strength he had left to thrust into her. Mabel must have had the same thoughts as she pushed into his shoulders more, and ground her hips into his to meet his motions at full force. He would say that if they were having a competition, she was winning.

His suspicions were right as she bucks her hips desperately, repeating his name and cursing between her moans. That did it for him as he gives one final thrust lifting them both off the bed. The force sends her forward, taking advantage of it she leans in for a last passionate kiss as she hums her moans into his mouth. The tight coil finally lets loose.

As he cums, he holds her tightly to him, not wanting to let go.  She continues to buck her hips onto him as to squeeze every last bit out. It didn’t matter as they were protected, but he appreciates the motions, giving him a pleasure that he didn’t experience the other times given his immediate removal from her nethers.

‘Perhaps I can hand over the reigns more often to her,’

The room was filled with sounds of heavy breaths and a mist of pure euphoria. Mabel dismounts her brother slowly, his once turgid phallus gradually growing flaccid. She lays at his side, propped up on her shoulder looking down upon him, a smug grin on her face.

“So?” She asks

“So?” He replies, quirking an eyebrow at her.

“What did you think of that?”

“It was amazing Mabel. Like, I have no idea where all that came from.”

“I can ask you the same with where you learned any of what you did? I do know, however where you came from.” she says reaching down to stroke the underside of his member, now laying against his stomach. He shudders with how sensitive he is now and proceeds to swat her hand away. She giggles at his reaction and leans in to kiss his cheek to apologize.

“Sorry Dip-dop, but I have to maintain whole Alpha Twin title.”

“Come on, Mabel we’ve been over this a thousand times. You’re only 5 minutes older than me,” he shifts his eyes away from her, “But if that’s what you do, then I don’t mind you being the Alpha Twin more often.”

“But of course. Always happy to assert my role,” She leans down to peck him on the lips and readjusts herself to cuddle into him again. He wasn’t expecting to cuddle so much for it just being about the sex. He didn’t mind though. Now it was just closer than usual twin time.

After about 20 minutes of cuddling, talking about random stuff, and an impromptu naked tickle battle, the twins decide to get dressed and move down stairs to work on homework. They set themselves up with drinks, snacks, and order a pizza as they crank through their class work. However, upon picking up his backpack Dipper notices the game that Jared lent him, and subsequently the conversation that they had.

“Oh, yeah. Hey, Mabel. I got something to talk to you about.”

“What up, Bro-migo?”

“Well, I was talking to Jared today and he was asking me about you and your whole bad date thing.”

“Yeah? What did he want to know?”

“Just about how it went and if your availability changed.”

“Oh? What did you say?”

“Just that after all that stuff last night you weren’t looking for anything right now.”

“After all that stuff, huh? Wow, Dip, didn’t think you had it in you to tell someone else of our sexy-times.”

“What?! Wait… no, I meant…”

“Relax bro-bro. Just messing with you. I know you wouldn’t tell anyone. But thanks for telling him that.”

“Well that wasn’t all actually.”

“Oh?”

“Well, he also asked when the time came, when you were ready to date again, if it was alright with me if he dated you. Being your brother in all, I guess he wanted permission. And I told him it was okay.”

“Wow, that was old fashioned. So, you are okay with letting me date again with all this?”

“Yeah, of course. I mean, I said yes so that I wouldn’t come off as possessive or anything. Don’t need people thinking I want my sister all to myself all of a sudden. But also, we agreed on the fact that either of us could end this for any reason, and that includes dating. So if you ever want to date again, I won’t hold you back.”

“Aw, that’s so sweet Dipper.” With that she went up to him for a hug and kiss, “Thanks for looking out for me. As far as I can see it I won’t be dating for a bit now that we have this whole no fuss, no muss thing. It's so much easier than actual dating.”

“No problem, Mabel. Just figured you should know is all,” he rubs the back of his neck, “Welp, let’s knock out this homework.”

After finishing their work, the pizza guy arrives with their food and they resumed normal twin time.

**************************************************

The next day at school Dipper runs into Jared again at the library during  his free period.

“Hey, Dipper,” he hears Jared speak and looks up from his book just in time to see him walking up.

“Hey, what's up?”

Jared tosses his book bag to the floor and sits in the chair next to his, “Did you get to play that video game I gave you yesterday?”

‘Oh, uh, no. I was busy,” he taps his fingers against the table.

“Okay. Doing what?”

‘My sister.’

No, he definitely couldn't say that, “Uhhhhhh… Well you know just homework and stuff. Plus hanging out with Mabel. She is always very insistent on us spending time together, you know. Graduation soon and all that jazz.”

“Gotcha, gotcha. Maybe I can come over tonight and we can hang out and play it. Maybe your sister won’t mind. After all she can’t hog all of you, right?”

“Um, I’ll ask. I’m sure she will be cool with it.”

Dipper pulls out his phone and sends Mabel a text message. She responds in kind with a m yes and a series of cute emojis. She also sends him a text of a winky face, peach, and banana and the note ‘Another time then.’ He blushes and shifts in his seat before deleting it and putting his phone away.

“She says it’s cool.”

“Awesome, can’t wait to see your reaction to the game.”

**************************************************

After getting back to his house, Dipper shows Jared around and up to his room with his game system. They settle in and pop the game in. Dipper has to admit that he's definitely amazed by how well the game plays compared to what he was expecting. The hype was real.

“Hey, Dip,” Jared uses his controller to pause the game and it catches Dipper's attention, “Mind if I get a soda from the kitchen?”

“Sure, no problem. ”

Dipper keeps playing and upon reaching a point where he can stop, he realizes Jared has been gone for a bit longer than expected. He exits out to the home screen and gets up to check on him.

Going down stairs he hears a little bit of chit chat going on. Jared and Mabel are the only ones home by his guess, so he figures it’s them. He hears a laugh that was unmistakably Mabel’s. However, her laugh that usually brings him such joy, this time brings a small lurch in his stomach. Was it because it was brought on by someone else? It shouldn’t be that way. It was still Mabel after all, his sister. And it wasn’t like she was his. So why was he feeling this way?

[abitterlifethroughcinema]

      Three Summer Taquilla Behemoths in Cinemas!       WOKE! Film Reviews...Halfway Through Summer                                        by Lucas A Cavazos

It goes without saying that Disney is undoubtedly the strongest hand in all of cinema. They have proved that beyond any shadow of a doubt over many decades but definitely most recently, what with the takeover of Pixar and LucasFilms and Marvel Studios and and and… As I hinted at last time, growing up, whether in Texas or Brooklyn, my dorky bum always had that weekly subscription of Entertainment Weekly waiting for me come week’s end. And that meant I had all the box office data, top album sales, Nielsen TV ratings, book sales and such all there to satiate my stats-obsessed appetite. Now, I bring to you a summer run-down of what fare has been most successful throughout this first half of the summer. Believe it or not, we are only halfway through the summer cinema season and these last six or seven weeks mark the last summer fare that either got delayed from the early summer due to concern of being pulverised by these upcoming blockbusters, or they are merely getting rid of fodder too long on the shelf or in need of distribution.

I’d dare say in fact that it was a rather smart move on behalf of Guy Ritchie and the entire marketing team behind the live-action remake of Aladdin, to release it just before the summer season truly hit. It is now fast closing in on 25€M in Spain alone, and has surpassed 1.1€B globally…quite an accomplished feat and second in box office stealth only behind Endgame for 2019 so far.

But let’s please talk newer reviews first as Disney’s The Lion King ###-1/2 burst into Spanish cinemas with a loud roar two weeks ago, and the same can be said of its success worldwide. Now soon to pass 19€M in Spain in a matter of mere days and more than 1.0€B globally, we at Bitter Life are pleased to say that the film, much like the formerly mentioned live-action remake, is a thing of wonder. What director Jon Favreau, who so lovingly concocted the impeccable remake of The Jungle Book a few years ago, does so well is adapt a timeless, and much beloved, cartoon classic into a breathtaking adventure story of the animal kingdom. One thing is for certain, if you are a true lover of the cartoon, this film will merely be palatable. For those few of us who were none too keen on the cartoon and its cheese-tactic musical numbers nor its cornball last-attempts at Top 40 numbers by Elton John, this film is quite the spectacle to behold. Telling the story of a proud lineage of lions who preside over what could best be described more as a savannah than a jungle, this rendering gives us a lifelike portrayal of fathers and sons, duty and honour, and is easily a testament to whatever family means to any individual. Apart from the brilliant, yet almost frightening, way in which the creators have anthropomorphised the creatures into almost too-real perfection, there isn’t too much to tell that the viewer is not going to know already, and thereby lies a part of the challenge that I find intriguing. While Disney continues to take risks in revamping their classics into live-action newer ones, do they then run the risk of petering out of new ideas? I mean, now that they have Pixar and so many more studios to pick up the slack, will we slowly see the demise of the annual big, Disney cartoon classic? We already have Frozen 2 appearing soon enough in cinemas, but even that is not building anything new and original into the cartoon oeuvre…it’s a damn sequel. I say it’s fair enough that most all investments in Disney live-action prequels are bound to be successful in terms of box office. Still, few of them will boast the talent power of Beyonce and Donald Glover, along with original Mufasa James Earl Jones, plus John Oliver, Seth Rogen, Keegan-Michael Key, Alfre Woodard. Amy Sedaris and so many more. These artists breathe life into a fun, if tired, film that we’ve all seen before, just never in this way. Here’s to hoping the tots of today don’t scare too much from the frolicking if fierce, fun found in this film.

The next big movie that has blown up the taquillas here in Spain is also the best one of the lot…Toy Story 4 ####.  If we have to wait nearly a decade between film sequels to have this type of wonderment thrown lovingly at our eyes, I’ll gladly take it and wait. So far, the film has taken in a nearly whopping 19€M in Spain alone, and it is also nearing 950€M worldwide, so far be it from me to deny that absolute scores of millions agree that this film marks itself in our hearts yet again. It is rather surreal that over the span of well over a generation, the creators have moved through the mid-90s to damn near 2020 with the same revolving door of a family, while carefully detailing the intricacies of our own nostalgia…and playing on that also forces us to love it.  Again, I dare say that they have achieved that tremendously throughout the entirety of the series’ lifespan. The premise this time revolves around Andy, now all grown up and, I’d suppose well past grad school, has donated his toys to little sister Bonnie, who has her own taste on what she prefers to play with versus her older brother, and dear ol’ cowpoke Woody, sensing certain neglect under the ownership of Bonnie, sneaks himself into her rucksack one day y voila!…the new adventure commences. The others set off to search for Woody, outdone by no one less than Buzz Lightyear, who is allowing himself to be led by his inner voice, which fits wonderfully into the guffaws of this type of silly and campy humour. What I began to notice while the screening went on is that the film continues to come up with a specific theme that ties itself into the plot, the denouement and frankly, throughout the film. Simply put, that would be the fear of rejection or not being wanted/accepted. Herein is where story developers like John Lasseter, Andrew Stanton, Rashida Jones, Stephany Folsom, amongst others, and all under the directing tutelage of Josh Cooley, spring to life and steer the film into witty and on-fleek, au courant elements that should make excellent fodder for post-parental conversations! What more can be said? Steal away and grab a 10’er and retreat to the coolness of your local cineplex!

Lastly, the other big box office behemoth so far this summer in Spain’s movie houses is Spider Man: Far From Home ###-1/2, with just under 12€M reaped into the Spanish taquilla coffers. This time around finds us back in live-action mode and with our recurring Marvel characters picking up after the what can only be described as intense ending of Avengers:Endgame. Okay then, while I was not a fan of the new Peter Parker with Homecoming from a couple of years back, I can now see how Tom Holland has taken a stab at ye olde generic if endearing dork-that-could appeal, and he feels much more fluid now a few Marvel flicks in. Director Jon Watts and go-to writers McKenna and Sommers seem to strike a chord with their flow, though we really do have to wait until the last half of the film to see the ebb actually catch up with that flow. Here’s why…our Marvel superheroes have gone bye bye, you dig? Flashbacks of the fallen Marvel superheroes actually made me a tad sad to be honest, so when the injection of the last part kicks in with all its CGI glory, what I take the director and writers to be doing, this time around, is actually showing us how Parker is growing into his own belief within himself and his powers. Zendaya as his love interest, and I’ve monitored her from afar for quite some time, is fun as hell to watch, and she should seriously star in a film version of Sade’s life story, but it really does come down to the charm and vivid need for suspension of disbelief that envelops the characters towards the end of the film. This has a lot to do with the enter-stage-right presence of Quentin Beck, a.k.a. Mysterio, played with an enigmatic if smug awareness by Jake Gyllenhaal, and frankly, all of the myriad cast of characters do their thang to breathe a sense of renewal just when you think the film is getting a tad too slow and eager. From Sam Jackson to Marisa Tomei, though perhaps not Jon Favreau as Stark caretaker Happy Hogan…he’s best suited as a director of Disney re-boots these days, me thinks (see The Lion King review above). Apart from all that, I’d say the Marvel universe has quite rightly fixed another pathway into the continuance of the Spiderverse journey.