#though it would also be very fun to play with the surface version still wearing it

[viric-dreams]

Impressed and unimpressed. A slightly more historical take on Ockham ca. 1813.

[astaroth1357]

How Often They Worry about MC…

For those who don’t know, I have a little dog named Charlie and she is a large portion of my world. There's no need to be alarmed, my dog is fine, but there are days where I hold her and all I can think about is how much I worry about her health down the line… I suppose we often do that for the people we love, particularly the ones who may not last as long as we will. Take that as inspiration if you'd like.

Lucifer 

Near constantly. 

If you tracked his blood pressure on a grid, you'd see it start to continuously rise about when he decided they were worth having in his life.

Lucifer is the eldest sibling to a whole crew of brothers so he's no stranger to worry. He worried about his brothers when they were young, he worried about them after the Fall, and he still worries about them now (even if he's less open about it).

But a part of him knows that his brothers can handle their own, at least to varying degrees. The MC, though? He's far less sure…

They've proven rather resilient, but also headstrong and reckless. Neither of which are good things to be in a place this dangerous...

If Lucifer isn't careful, he can catch himself staring at a wall or window just wondering where they are and if they're doing alright… If he called them every time he had a passing worry, their inbox would be full by the end each week.

He holds himself back because he doesn't have the time to constantly protect them, but that doesn't stop him from sending a text once or twice a day. They better respond or he'll start (secretly) panicking.

Mammon

He forgets their mortality from time to time, but every time he remembers it hits like a ton of bricks…

Mammon is a pretty "in-the-moment" person. He doesn't spend a lot of time dwelling on the future, but whenever he does the thought of losing MC always comes back to him again and again.

Like. It's gotta happen eventually, right? They're human, humans die, hell they don't even live that long to start with!

The MC can always tell when Mammon's getting worried because he'll get uncharacteristically quiet and pace around or hover by them…

Every little injury or strenuous task will suddenly seem like too much to him as well. 

If they need to carry some boxes, he'll carry them all.

If they have to jog to class, he's carrying them. 

If they so much as get a papercut, he'll have a heart attack.

It's not very hard to get Mammon out of these funks - he really does want them to reassure him that they're okay - but he's never going to get fully over it…

Not until he can steal whatever top secret immortality formula Solomon must have used anyway… He'll get it off that bastard eventually.

Leviathan

Thinks about it so often he has to actively try not to just to get any peace…

He dodges his fears for MC like a protagonist dodges lasting consequences. Every time he feels one creeping up, he's always got a distraction waiting…

"Hey where's MC at? I hope they didn't fall into the riv-OH HEY CHECK OUT THIS NEW GAME!!"

"What are they doing over there…? That looks hard, what if they bre-WAIT DIDN'T MY FAVORITE VOICE ACTOR JUST RELEASE A NEW PODCAST???"

"What if the MC dies tomorrow and they leave me all alo-DEVIL FIGHT 200! YOU CAN'T BEAT DEVIL FIGHT 200, LET’S BREAK MY HIGH SCORE!!"

Cut him some slack, his psyche cannot handle the idea of losing them on top of everything else he grapples with every day.

If, on the rare occasion, he does let himself fall down that rabbit hole he becomes extra clingy and practically begs MC not to leave his room… like ever. He'd bubble wrap them if he could.

Anytime they get really hurt or really sick he refuses to leave their side even if it means he has to awkwardly sit on the floor. He just needs to be able to glance at them every so often to be sure they're alive… Still breathing?? Phew…

Satan

He worries, preps, rationalizes, then worries again…

For Satan, knowledge is power and every scrap of information he can learn about MC is more power he can use to keep them safe and healthy.

Yes, he will want their medical history. Yes, he's going to need a list of prescriptions. Family members too. And no, you do not get a choice.

He'll read up on as many things as he can - pawn medical journals off of witches and get magical alternatives from Solomon.

The cycle usually goes: 

1. He's lying awake at night because he just heard about some terrible bacteria that makes human's skin peel off or something.

2. He does all the research he can on this bacteria, its treatment options, best prevention methods, etc.

3. Gets right about to break out the rubber booties for MC to wear around, then realizes they have a very slim chance of catching said bacteria since it's only native to incredibly remote parts of Indonesia.

4. Feels instant relief that MC will probably not catch flesh-eating bacteria and can finally sleep again…

5. Hears of some other human medical horror from Solomon and starts to worry…

It's a vicious cycle indeed… But at least he's getting a lot of medical training. Soon enough he'll be the Devildom's version of a human vet (which I guess is just a doctor, come to think of it. 🤔)

Asmodeus 

Lives so "here-and-now" that he doesn't remember often, but when he does it's always heartbreaking…

Asmo usually tries to worry about things as little as possible. It’s bad for the skin, you know? But when the MC is involved, all of that goes out the window.

Like how a delicate blossom eventually wilts in the snow, the MC is bound to leave them in time… Usually there's supposed to be something beautiful in that kind of tragedy, but perhaps he's just too close to them to find any romance in it.

The thought of their death gives him breakouts and anytime they get hurt or sick he's the first brother to offer them comfort. Every time.

Because he doesn't feel like he's as physically strong as he brothers, he tries to make up for it by minding their health in other ways. Anything to keep his MC strong and beautiful as always!

If Asmo is in a worrying mood, then he may also compensate by trying to take the MC out to a party or some fun event. Why sit around worrying by himself when he could be making memories with them now, right?

Beelzebub

It comes in waves, mostly at night.

When your thoughts throughout the day are mostly, "I wish I wasn't so hungry," it doesn't afford you a lot of time to think about much else.

In a way, it's a good thing since he experiences a lot less stress. But those worries are still there and they mostly plague his dreams…

Beel doesn’t feel hungry when he's sleeping, so a lot of his fears will make themselves known overnight. An injured or dying MC is often in his rotation of nightmares though, of course, he'd rather it not be…

After having one of these dreams, his first instinct is to always make sure the MC is okay. If they're with him, he'll hug them and check their heartbeat. If they're somewhere else, he'll go to them or shoot a text.

He has woken up without realizing his nightmare was all a dream though, and usually it's up to Belphie or MC themselves to console him while he cries… It's so heartbreaking, sweet boy just puts a lot of pressure on himself to be sure they're safe…

When he worries, it's like they're the most beautiful and expensive China set in a room full of bulls and hammers. If he could tape them to his side, he probably would. He gets scared for them that much…

Belphegor 

More scared about it than anyone else in the House.

Despite his calm demeanor, Belphie is truly afraid of losing his loved ones beneath the surface… He's already lost one of his most dear siblings before, going through that again may just break him.

Unfortunately, he's also felt just how fragile the MC is firsthand... He's not even the strongest of his brothers, yet he was able to snuff them out so easily… Who's to say someone else won't try?

Like Beel, MC's death is a recurring nightmare for him but he can usually shake off his dreams fairly well, if not change them mid-sleep. More scary is when something is actually wrong with them or they're not feeling well.

Belphie always sets his inner laziness aside for the MC when he can. If they get sick, he'll usually be right along with his family to take care of them - even if he has to skip school to do so (not that he cares about class anyway).

When he's worrying about them, he tries to play it off at first, but soon enough they'll notice him acting overly concerned and losing sleep… Best to calm him down before he starts getting cranky.

[azazelsconfessional]

((so i was gonna open up my askbox again but I got distracted doing this and watching streams i think idr what i did the past few hours, buuut there's something I need to cover first, especially since there are so many new people around! Hello! Especially since so many of you are playing OCs/MCs.

Don't worry, it's a tip to hopefully help you along! It may get a little long, especially as I try and provide examples. . .but hopefully it'll help.

I'm gonna talk a lot about OCs but this applies to canon characters too a bit. It certainly helps.

Tl;dr, you should have a character profile page.

(also remember that tumblr mobile doesn't really have direct access to Pages made with the Pages function on desktop, so you'll have to link them manually in your pinned or description or host them on another site(I used Google Docs in the apst) or in a regular post(this makes it very easy to lose as a forewarning) for maximum accessibility!)

(rules pages are also really really handy if you have alot of resteictions.)

So, in general, OCs have a bit of a lower reception rate in rp. Idk if that'll be the case here with MCs because they're, well, the main character. Housamo is also a series that lends itself well to OCs pretty well, especially non-human ones, but I figured I'd warn for that.

BUT. That doesn't mean you shouldn't play an OC! It just means there are things you need to keep in mind!

Think of all of the OCs you've seen--you all seem to be fun and wonderful people, and your characters are surely interesting. But. . .if you don't tell anybody about them, nobody will know what's going on or where to start, which makes asking questions a little hard, right? That's easier to work around with MC characters--we've played the game, we know the story, we know the characters, so we can figure out questions fairly easily based on that alone and go from there.

But with other OCs, especially those that don't represent charactera from mythology or fiction like many other characters in housamo do, there's like. Nowhere to start. We may see a face or some dialogue, but otherwise we don't have a frame of reference.

That's where a profile comes in!

Azazel-mun, I don't want to share all of the info about my character at once!

What if I don't know everything about my OC yet and want to figure it out along thw way?

The profile doesn't have to be super detailed! At most it shoule include things like the character's name and age and probably things like their location, profession, grade in school or place of work, etc., and anything you'd notice on the surface like their apperance. It's never a bad thing to include a description of their personality too, or a small section about their history/background. Little things that even you should probably know, too.

You can also section your profile off a bit into things like "surface info," "meta info," "things you could easily figure out about them," etc. That way, no one can spoil themself. Making lists like this can help you think these things through if you haven't already as well.

Let's use Azazel, a character that you probably know already, as an example here. I don't have a profile set

Name: Azazel

Species: Fallen Angel; Capra Therian - an anthropomorphic Goat (?)

Gender(pronouns): Male(he/him)

Age: difficult to calculate; several thousand years old?

Apperance age: hard to say, he's not human. Adult.

Origins: banished from his home world of Eden, has been in the human world for several thousand years

Profession: Priest of dubious denomination, most likely Catholic or Protestant; teacher at Daikanyama Academy; de facto head of the Missionaries Non-Profit charity Organization; supervisor of the Aoyama Missionaries

Role & Rule: Watcher; Revelation - allows him to see anything within the territory of the Aoyama Missionaries and anywhere the pages of his Artifact see

Apperance: Azazel is a 5'10"(180cm) tall, anthropomorphic goat of ambiguous breed, with fawn fur all over his body and lighter fur on his head and around his neck. He has brown, riged horns which curve out and back. Though his eyes are often closed, when opened they're red. He always carried around a leather bound bible with an eye on the cover, and is never seen without several chains on his person, although only the one(s) around his neck can be seen unless he's undressed.

He wears a black priest's cassock with a maroon sash and a capelet of the same color, with the same eye as on his bible on the shoulders of the cape, and brown dress shoes. The front of the robe is always open to expose his bare chest and the chains beneath.

Personality: Azazel is kind and doting, very fitting of both a teacher and priest, although his openly flirtatious, lustful, and secretive nature causes others to distrust him. He doesn't mind this at all. He has a strong adoration for humans, and values love in all of its forms more than anything. He's a bit of a passive person, often being unmotivated but working hard regardless, and seems to prefer to watch others and the world go by, although he won't decline most invitations to take part in it. He is always aware of anything that happens within the extensive territory of the Missionaries, and seems to know and see just about everything about anyone he meets, from their surface to their soul. . . .

If you know Azazel, or take note of some of the wording or question marks, you'll note I didn't explain everything(although I may have shared more than you want to.) This is just a bare bones exampe of how I do my profiles--but it can get even more bare!

I'll do two this time, a more vague version of Azazel's, and another that obscures information all together, using the same or a similar format to the above.

Name: Azazel

Species: anthropomorphic goat

Gender(pronouns): male (he/him)

Age: unquestionably an adult

Origins: Eden

Profession: Priest; teacher; head of a charity NPO; member of the Missionaries

Apperance: Horned goatman of slightly above average human height. Light brown fur, blond fur-hair, red eyes. Wears priest robes and a gold chain around his neck and chest. Carries around a bible with an eye on it?

Personality: Kind of eerie, but friendly and affectionate. A little flirtatious, especially towards humans. Seems to know everything about people for some reason?

Compare it to the one before--see how I've left even more things off or left things ambiguous while still sharing what's necessary or surface level? However, it's also not as engaging or as informative as the other one where I gave more information.

As someone who plays him, profiles like this aren't as helpful for me lol since he knows so much about everyone and everything, having a lot of details helps me play my character!

Now, as helpful as this is, this is also a character you probably know. So how about I do this with an OC? Normally I'm extremely detailed in my profiles and such, especially for OCs, sharing headcanons and ideas for relationships between characters. But, again, I'll try and show how you can show some info while leaving some up to people to ask about to later be filled in.

Name: Kezia

Faceclaim/Art Source: [this is where you would put where you get the art for any icons you use--if you draw it yourself, say so; if you use official art from a series, credit the name of the character and the series; if you use picrews, link the specific picrews. DO NOT USE ART YOU HAVE NOT BEEN PERMITTED TO USE. DO NOT STEAL ART. IF YOU CAN'T FIND THE CREDIT, ASK SOMEONE TO HELP YOU, DO NOT JUST SAY THAT IT ISN'T YOURS. DO NOT USE ART YOU HAVE NOT BEEN GIVEN PERMISSION TO USE OR THAT ISN'T FROM A SERIES OF SOME SORT.]

Species: Human

Gender(pronouns): Female (she/her)

Age: mid 20's~early 30's?

Apperance age: older than she looks?

Origins: Tokyo?

Profession: Professor; Witch

Apperance: A fidgety woman who looks older than she is. She looks anxious and confused as often as she looks curious and confident. Wavy light brown hair. Often carries around schoolbooks and is never alone, always with a Rattus Therian and often with a Nyarlathotep.

Personality: seemingly anxious, but curious and exploratative nonetheless. On the awkward side, but can still keep up with the Nyarls that accompany her. Gets into trouble when she gets ahead of herself in exploring and learning about the arcane, but her Rule allows her to disappear easily.

History: Has always been curious about magic and attempted to run through a Gate when they began to open up. Performed a summon and brought a certain transients to Tokyo and recieved her familiar and the magic to use her Rule as a result. Currently teaches at a college. She stumbled into a certain someone while attempting to explore time, and became a fan ever since.

That tells you a fair amount, doesn't it? Even for someone you don't know? It may even raise some questions that you could ask. At the same time, it doesn't tell you that much, and that can be as much of a hindrance for coming up with questions as saying too much can. It's really up to you what's too much and too little. Here's a more detailed version! Some things have been left vague or confusing in such a way that they could be filled in after being revealed through asks and play. That way, people are encouraged to/given ideas of what to ask--and you can still share things in the long run.

Name: Kezia

Faceclaim/Art Source: [N/A]

Species: Human

Gender(pronouns): Female (she/her)

Age: mid 20's~early 30's?

Apperance age: somewhere in her 30's, maybe even a little older

Origins: Tokyo, with some sort of connection to at least one other world

Profession: Professor of [?] at [?] Academy; Witch

Role & Rule: [?] & [?]

Artifact, Summon, Familiar?: Always accompanied by at least one Nyarlathotep and some sort of man-rat? She also carries around a book that's labeled as a Grimoire, but it's rare for someone to be both a summon-user and an Artifact-user. . . .

Apperance: A fidgety older woman wearing a labcoat and a witch's hat. She looks quite stressed and has trouble sitting still. Her ashy brown hair is thin and a little wavy, with some strands of gray. Although she often squints, she doesn't wear glasses. She carries around a lot of books relating to maths and sciences and one labeled 'Grimoire' decorated with arcane symbols from Gehenna and Old Ones. She's always accompanied by at least one Nyarlathotep and a very short, bearded man who can best be described as a brown rat therian with a human-like face. Sometimes there's a normal rat on her person or in her pockets.

Personality: Kezia is a fidgety and anxious magic practitioner. She's very curious about other worlds and has been since the Gates appeared in this Tokyo since she was a child, however she has been pursuing magic before then. She often appears somewhat confused about or fascenated by even her usual surroundings, but, at other times moves through the world with confidence even in unfamiliar territory. She also likes rats and other rodents, and as such will often avoid felines and birds of prey. She has a tendency to disappear, seeming to walk through walls despite assuredly being alive.

She's a little bit awkward with people, but somehow keeps up with Nyarlathoteps nonetheless. She's a good teacher, once she figures out how to explain things in ways others can understand easily, but can be a bit difficult to follow and flighty up until then. Aware of this, she's rather patient, if a little down on herself at times. However, she most often simply has her mind elsewhere. Despite this and the company she keeps, she's relatively sane. . .most of the time.

She shares a name with a witch from the world of Old Ones who made a pact with Nyarlathotep, believing him to be the Devil. . .and the ratman always at her side uses the same name as that witch's familiar as well. It's. . .probably just a coincidence. . .who would rightfully make a pact with Nyarlathotep?

History: Kezia is an adult human from this Tokyo before the apperance of the Gates and construction of the Walls. She's explored various witchcraft pursuits since she was a child, with what was originally a mere imaginative curiosity and fascination. After the arrival of the Gates when she was still young, she snuck over the fences built around one and attempted to go inside the massive pillar of light, which she attributes to the reason she often seems to struggle with her vision. Several years later, she performed a successful summon and she recieved her familiar, Brown Jenkin, transformed into a somewhat therian form from one of her pet rats, and was given some powers from Nyarlathotep. She has no discernable control over any of the chaotic creatures, however they seem to spend time around her regardless.

At present she's a professor of a subject that interests her at a certain college. She's had other dangerous run-ins due to her excitement over the arcane and "darker" arts, but doesn't seem to show any signs of stopping. However, after an incident in an attempt to explore time itself, she encountered a certain guardian of time and feels reluctant for once to explore it further. . .although she's become quite a big fan of his.

. . .i ran out of steam amd kinda lost track of where i was going. idk if that helped at all really. But maybe it did! I hope it did. You don't need to use any of those things exactly by any means, but that's the kind of thing you usually see in profile pages. Basics like someone's name and birthday and age and apperance and a little about their personality, maybe some history. Oftentimes things like powers and weapons and the like. Interests, hobbies, ways they could be intereacted with, etc. Just stuff that'd help you know the character.

I write everything in paragraph form, but everyone is more than welcome to use a more script format. I love making profiles, myself--it really helps to think about the character and details about them. Normally I make really, really detailed profiles, but maybe I'll try and be more simple about it this time around. depends on how i'm feeling.

I know this seems weirdly hypocritical given I don't have one but when I first made this blog there were like four of us including myself. I didn't see the need for a rules or profile page because I didn't anticipate that there'd be so many of us or, like, people from other fandoms or who aren't familiar with certain characters. I'll rectify that soon hopefully. But I figured I'd pass along this idea/knowledge to others.

. . .I'm gonna go reopen my askbox now. Feel free to send asks again, ask about this, etc! You can send me an IM too if you want. I'll properly close up the guest event tomorrow. I'm real tired rn lol so idk how much i'll get done, but i usually do things super late at night my time, so i have some time to pull my shit together haha))

[animepopheart]

Wonder Egg Priority, Episode 11: “The Temptation of Death”?

Wonder Egg Priority is a beautiful, uncomfortable, moving and confusing series that starts out engaging all the things we don’t talk about—self-harm, abuse, rape, bullying, gender dysmorphia, and homosexuality, to name a few. Our silence and blindness to these issues have a weight and pressure to them, and WEP shows how this reinforces the isolation and hopelessness of the young women of the “eggs” who turn to suicide for relief. The first ten episodes have been exhilarating and exhausting alike.

And then there is Episode 11. This past week, the series took a bit of a turn, leaning hard into the sci-fi-philosophical, with appearances from Greek gods, a murderous artificial intelligence, and really, really disturbing insect girls, one of whom, despite being a brutal killer, is apparently a vegetarian. Has the show gone off the rails? Has it lost its way in departing from the familiar procedural approach of engaging a differing social or mental health issue with each episode?

Such a critique is perfectly legit, but before you write off the penultimate episode of WEP, just hear me out on why the abstract, meta turn in episode 11 may just be the most valuable thing this series has to offer so far.

Before we begin though, a little recap of what we learned this week. In episode 10, we hear the eggheads, Acca and Ura-Acca, discuss the need for warriors of Eros to battle Thanatos. This is our first hint that things are about to get lore-full and maybe a bit weird. Eros and Thanatos are of course gods in the ancient Greek pantheon, Eros being the god of love, and Thanatos, of non-violent death. Within the first minute or so of episode 11, it’s clear that the eggheads’ hope is now focused on Ai becoming the long-awaited warrior. At this point though, rather than continuing with Ai’s story, the episode shifts into flashback mode and we are finally introduced to the villain, an artificial intelligence created by the eggheads back when they were still human. Their lives gradually come to revolve around her: She is the fulfillment of their obsession to create life, and she is good.

Frill is associated with hydrangeas, which symbolise heartlessness and pride in Japanese flower language. But is it her heartlessness and pride, or that of her makers?

(Atelier Emily has done an outstanding series of posts on the flowers in WEP. Check it out!)

Only, it turns out she doesn’t play so nice when others join the happy family. After killing Acca’s wife, and putting the life of the unborn baby at risk, the AI—who named herself Frill—is unrepentant, all traces of her seeming humanity now revealed to be illusory, a mere affectation. Acca locks her away in a hole in the cellar. Years pass. The baby, Himari, grows up and is a ray of sunshine. But after effectively confessing to her ‘uncle’ (why does anime always do this?), she commits suicide. Ura-Acca discovers that Frill is still very much alive and active from her hole in the cellar, having powered up all the discarded monitors and laid down reams of electrical cables—to what end, we do not yet know. Though Ura-Acca surmises that she has somehow influenced Himari to take her own life. How else would the girl have known about Ura-Acca’s admiration for her mother? Where else would she have learned to make what will forever be to me now that uncannily sinister popping sound?

Here’s where it gets weirder. Unlike the suicides of subsequent egg girls, there is no indication that Himari, Frill’s apparent first victim, struggled with any mental health or other issues that would motivate her to take her own life. Indeed, her ‘uncle’ did not even reject her confession. (Again anime, why you do this thing?) Instead, the eggheads explain Himari’s suicide as being on account of the “temptation of death.” What now?

This is implying that death is somehow attractive, not just to someone facing overwhelming brokenness, trauma or pain, like the egg girls we’ve met so far, but to someone on the verge of stepping from a (relatively) happy childhood into young adulthood, with the promise of potential love to look forward to; someone who has not known suffering, but rather only smiles and cake. (To be fair, it is always possible that she experienced trauma in the womb, or was more deeply affected by her father’s sadness than Ura-Acca’s memories belie.)

That’s my question too, Ai.

The notion of death as somehow attractive or even beautiful is rather alien to Western culture. Certainly, there will always be some who romanticize death, à la star-crossed lovers (Shakespeare, I’m looking at you). But in general, Western culture views death as something ugly and frightening, something to avoid until it is staring you directly in the face, and even then, closing your eyes in denial is a perfectly reasonable response. Death is one of those things we don’t talk about. In my experience, Anglo-American culture is not very good at even mourning death. We lack the grieving rituals and observances of other cultures, and instead seek to confine death to the sealed, sanitized spaces of hospitals, care homes, and funeral parlors. We keep it shrouded tightly in silence. How could there ever be anything like the “temptation of death”? How could we ever consider death to be something desirable? Are the eggheads or CloverWorks simply aestheticising suicide and death here to make it sound deep and philosophical?

No, I don’t think that’s it. Instead, Acca and Ura-Acca are doing what all good researchers do—and indeed what all Christians, as believers in an unseen spiritual reality, are also called to do: They are looking more deeply into phenomena that seem, on the surface, to already be explained. The two idol fans were consumed with their obsession, so when their idol killed herself, they followed suit. The young woman whose identity was wrapped up in her own appearance ended her life to preserve her beauty. The abused gymnast saw no way out, no hope in ever living free from torment. Some explanations may be more sympathetic than others, but they all possess their own internal logic. Contemporary society is full of a vast array of pressures and stresses and each one, taken to breaking point, can result in death. Case closed. This might very well be our conclusion from the first ten episodes.

Only the case isn’t closed. Because there is a question that has pervaded every episode until now, but has remained unspoken: How is it that death could even become an option for the egg girls? Why does reaching a breaking point trigger suicide? What made death seem like a savior to these girls? This is the question that episode 11 tackles, in its own admittedly obscure way. The eggheads are focused on the underlying, deeper reality that unites all the eggs’ stories, as disparate as they are—the common thread, which is the idea that death is a release, a rescue, a beautiful ending, and as a result, it is tempting.

“But we wondered if there could be another push that drove them to suicide,” explains Ura-Acca.

This is a really important question for us to be asking. Because it’s not just these traumatized, vulnerable girls who fall for the seduction of death. We do, too.

Just ponder for a moment: Have you ever anticipated how wonderful it will be when, in heaven, you no longer struggle with that particular temptation? When your temper is no longer so short, when you’re not afraid of being hurt anymore? Or maybe you think about how one day, on those gold-paved streets, you won’t have to worry anymore. All your hard work coping and just keeping it together will finally pay off and you’ll cross that finish line and heave a sigh of relief, knowing that you made it in the end. Have you ever contemplated these kinds of things? I know I have.

But here’s the thing: When I expect my liberation to come only after I die and not right here, right now, then it is not Jesus who is my savior, but death. I am waiting for death to free me from temptation and sin and fear and brokenness, and usher me into eternal life. I make Thanatos my god.

The temptation of death is not limited to the drastic act of suicide, but also permeates all the accusations and fears that inspire us to put off living the fullness of life in Christ here and now. It’s the temptation to believe that it is death that will ultimately solve the more difficult and painful problems in life.

Acca and Ura-Acca seek to create a love that suits their ideals, just to relieve their stress.

The source of this “temptation of death” in Wonder Egg Priority is Frill, the AI. That is, a man-made, artificial version of love—with ai meaning “love” in Japanese. According to Ura-Acca, they made her “just for fun,” as a way of dealing with the stress of their enclosed lives. They designed her to suit their preferences, to make it easier to love her and forget that she was artificial. In this sense, Frill is the fruit of their self-centeredness, her every characteristic designed to satisfy their own ideals of how a daughter and woman should be. And this artificial love born of selfishness brings death into their midst and beyond, spreading it through the horrendous deformities of girlhood that she in turn creates, in imitation of her fathers. (Only perhaps her creations are less deceptive than theirs, wearing their monstrosity plainly on the outside…)

Frill’s creations. We’ve met Dash (right) and Dot (center), but who is that on the left? And is her name Morse??

To counter her destructive influence, Acca and Ura-Acca need true love, a genuine love. They need Ai, a messy, at times very weak human being, but one who nevertheless is willing to fight to live up to her name and maybe, just maybe, become a warrior of Eros.

There is also a deep, underlying force at work in our world, one that connects all despair and the actions born of it. A wide range of social issues, traumas and mental health challenges can and do trigger suicide, but they do not explain it fully. The deeper reality is the existence of an enemy who seeks to manipulate us into believing our true savior can only be death, whether it is right away by our own hand, or more subtly, decades from now by natural causes. But this is a lie, and it is one that we can combat. Just as I’m sure we’ll see in the final episode that Ai is equipped to wage the coming battle in WEP, so too are we armed, here and now, with the power to overwhelm the enemy’s “temptation of death”—we possess already the words of life, given to us by our true savior.

Jesus began his ministry with a public announcement that he had come to heal heart wounds, comfort those in pain, fill broken lives with beauty, and wrap those in despair with reasons to praise like a warm protective blanket, so that they might celebrate with joy once again. He came to bring freedom to prisoners and captives alike, giving a fresh new life to those locked up because of deeds done wrong, and those punished and injured at the hands of others. He came to take the outcasts, the weak, the traumatized and broken and transform them into mighty oaks, clean and strong; into people with the vision and skill and compassion and fortitude to rebuild a broken world (Isaiah 61:1-4, Luke 4:18),

He came to rewrite and restore our experience of life here on earth, and through us, to redeem our communities, cities, nations, and the world. God does not withhold the fullness of life from us until we finally make it to him in heaven. No, instead he moved heaven and earth to get right up close so that he could pour his own life out into us, even going so far as to breathe his very spirit into our hearts and bodies and minds. We don’t need to wait for death’s rescue—our hero has already come. But we do need to remind each other and ourselves of this truth pretty often, and let it work down deep into all the cracks and bruises in our souls until it strengthens all our weak spots.

In Deuteronomy 30:19, God tells the Israelites that he has given them the authority to choose between life and death. But he also tips the balances in their favor, urging them to choose life. In Jesus, he comes to tip the balances even further, making it possible for us to step into eternal life here and now, immediately and forever. So let’s do it. Each day, through each struggle we face. Let’s choose life and not death.

Warrior of love? And is Ai’s himawari (sunflower) related to Himari somehow?

Join me (in spirit) for the final episode on Tuesday to see Ai’s love triumph! (At least, I really really hope that’s what happens!)

[bananaofswifts]

Taylor Swift appears to be waging war over the serial resale of her old master recordings on two fronts. She recently confirmed that she is already underway in the process of re-recording the six albums she made for the Big Machine label, in order to steer her fans (and sync licensing execs) toward the coming alternate versions she’ll control. But now that she’s followed the surprise release of “Folklore” with the very, very surprise release of “Evermore” less than five months later, the thought may occur: If she keeps up this pace, she may have more new albums out on the Republic label than she ever did on Big Machine in a quarter of the time. Flooding the zone to further crowd out the oldies is unlikely to be Swift’s real motivation for giving the world a full-blown “Folklore” sequel this instantaneously: As motivations for prolific activity go, relieving and sublimating quarantine pressure is probably even better than revenge. Anyway, this is not a gift horse to be looked in the mouth. “Evermore,” like its mid-pandemic predecessor, feels like something that’s been labored over — in the best possible way — for years, not something that was written and recorded beginning in August, with the bow said to be put on it only about a week ago. Albums don’t get graded on a curve for how hastily they came together, or shouldn’t be, but this one doesn’t need the handicap. It’d be a jewel even if it’d been in progress forevermore and a day.The closest analog for the relation the new album bears to its predecessor might be one that’d seem ancient to much of Swift’s audience: U2 following “Achtung Baby” with “Zooropa” while still touring behind the previous album. It’s hard to remember now that a whole year and a half separated those two related projects; In that very different era, it seemed like a ridiculously fast follow-up. But the real comparison lies in how U2, having been rewarded for making a pretty gutsy change of pace with “Achtung,” seemed to say: You’re okay with a little experimentation? Let’s see how you like it when we really boil things down to our least commercial impulses, then — while we’ve still got you in the mood.Swift isn’t going avant-garde with “Evermore.” If anything, she’s just stripping things down to even more of an acoustic core, so that the new album often sounds like the folk record that the title of the previous one promised — albeit with nearly subliminal layers of Mellotrons, flutes, French horns and cellos that are so well embedded beneath the profuse finger-picking, you probably won’t notice them till you scour the credits. But it’s taking the risk of “Folklore” one step further by not even offering such an obvious banger (irony intended) as “Cardigan.” Aaron Dessner of the National produced or co-produced about two-thirds of the last record, but he’s on 14 out of 15 tracks here (Jack Antonoff gets the remaining spot), and so the new album is even more all of a piece with his arpeggiated chamber-pop impulses, Warmth amid iciness is a recurring lyrical motif here, and kind of a musical one, too, as Swift’s still increasingly agile vocal acting breathes heat into arrangements that might otherwise seem pretty controlled. At one point Swift sings, “Hey, December, I’m feeling unmoored,” like a woman who might even know she’s going to put her album out a couple of weeks before Christmas. It’s a wintry record — suitable for double-cardigan wearing! — and if you’re among the 99% who have been feeling unmoored, too, then perhaps you are Ready For It. Swift said in announcing the album that she was moving further into fiction songwriting after finding out it was a good fit on much of “Folklore,” a probably inevitable move for someone who’s turning 31 in a few days and appears to have a fairly settled personal life. Which is not to say that there aren’t scores to settle, and a few intriguing tracks whose real-life associations will be speculated upon. But just as the “Betty”/”August” love triangle of mid-year established that modern pop’s most celebrated confessional writer can just make shit up, too, so, here, do we get the narrator of “Dorothea,” a honey in Tupelo who is telling a childhood friend who moved away and became famous that she’s always welcome back in her hometown. (Swift may be doing a bit of empathic wondering in a couple of tracks here how it feels to be at the other end of the telescope.) One time the album takes a turn away from rumination into a pure spirit of fun — while getting dark anyway — is “No Body, No Crime,” a spirited double-murder ballad that may have more than a little inspiration in “Goodbye, Earl.” Since Swift already used the Dixie Chicks for background vocals two albums ago, for this one she brings in two of the sisters from Haim, Danielle and Este, and even uses the latter’s name for one of the characters. Yes, the rock band Haim’s featured appearance is on the only really country-sounding song on the record… there’s one you didn’t see coming, in the 16 hours you had to wonder about it. Yet there are also a handful of songs that clearly represent a Swiftian state of mind. At least, it’s easy to suppose that the love songs that opens the album, “Willow,” is a cousin to the previous record’s “Invisible String” and “Peace,” even if it doesn’t offer quite as many clearly corroborating details about her current relationship as those did. On the sadder side, Swift is apparently determined to run through her entire family tree for heartrending material. On “Lover,” she sang for her stricken mother; on “Folklore,” for her grandfather in wartime. In that tradition the new album offers “Marjorie,” about the beloved grandmother she lost in 2003, when she was 13. (The lyric videos that are being offered online mostly offer static visual loops, but the one for “Marjorie” is an exception, reviving a wealth of stills and home-movie footage of Grandma, who was quite a looker in a miniskirt in her day.) Rue is not something Swift is afraid of here anymore than anywhere else, as she sings, “I should’ve asked you questions / I should’ve asked you how to be / Asked you to write it down for me / Should’ve kept every grocery store receipt / ‘Cause every scrap of you would be taken from me,” lines that will leave a dry eye only in houses that have never known death. The piece de resistance in its poignance is Swift actually resurrecting faint audio clips of Marjorie, who was an opera singer back in the day. It’s almost like ELO’s “Rockaria,” played for weeping instead of a laugh. Swift has not given up, thank God, on the medium that brought her to the dance — the breakup song — but most of them here have more to do with dimming memories and the search for forgiveness, however slowly and incompletely achieved, than feist. But doesn’t Swift know that we like her when she’s angry? She does, and so she delves deep into something like venom just once, but it’s a good one. The ire in “Closure,” a pulsating song about an unwelcome “we can still be friends, right?” letter from an ex, seems so fresh and close to the surface that it would be reasonable to speculate that it is not about a romantic relationship at all, but a professional one she has no intention of ever recalling in a sweet light. Or maybe she does harbor that a disdain for an actual former love with that machinelike a level of intensity. What “Evermore” is full of is narratives that, like the music that accompanies them, really come into focus on second or third listen, usually because of a detail or two that turns her sometimes impressionistic modes completely vivid. “Champagne Problems” is a superb example of her abilities as a storyteller who doesn’t always tell all: She’s playing the role of a woman who quickly ruins a relationship by balking at a marriage proposal the guy had assumed was an easy enough yes that he’d tipped off his nearby family. “Sometimes you just don’t know the answer ‘ Til someone’s on their knees and asks you / ‘She would’ve made such a lovely bride / What a shame she’s fucked in the head’ / They said / But you’ll find the real thing instead / She’ll patch up your tapestry that I shred.” (Swift has doubled the F-bomb quotient this time around, among other expletives, for anyone who may be wondering whether there’s rough wordplay amid Dessner’s delicacy — that would an effing yes.) “‘Tis the Damn Season,” representing a gentler expletive, gives us a character who is willing to settle, or at least share a Christmas-time bed with an ex back in the hometown, till something better comes along. The pleasures here are shared, though not many more fellow artists have broken into her quarantine bubble this time around. Besides Haim’s cameo, Marcus Mumford offers a lovely harmony vocal on “Cowboy Like Me,” which might count as the other country song on the album, and even throws in something Swift never much favored in her Nashville days, a bit of lap steel. Its tale of male and female grifters meeting and maybe — maybe — falling in love is really more determinedly Western than C&W, per se, though. The National itself, as a group, finally gets featured billing on “Coney Island,” with Matt Berninger taking a duet vocal on a track that recalls the previous album’s celebrated Bon Iver collaboration “Exile,” with ex-lovers taking quiet turns deciding who was to blame. (Swift saves the rare laugh line for herself: “We were like the mall before the internet / It was the one place to be.) Don’t worry, legions of new Bon Iver fans: Dessner has not kicked Justin Vernon out of his inner circle just to make room for Berninger. The Bon Iver frontman whose appearance on “Folklore” came as a bit of a shock to some of his fan base actually makes several appearances on this album, and the one that gets him elevated to featured status again, as a duet, the closing “Evermore,” is different from “Exile” in two key ways. Vernon gets to sing in his high register… and he gets the girl. As it turned out, the year 2020 did not involve any such waiting for Swift fans; it’s an embarrassment of stunning albums-ending-in-“ore” that she’s mined out of a locked-down muse.

[p-artsypants]

I’ll Handle This (10)

In Which Marinette Says the Thing

I was the most excited about this chapter and had most of it written already. :)

Also, I bumped up the rating a bit because there’s extremely mild nudity in this chapter. 

(Ao3 | FF.net)

—

She looked fierce. Nails done, a cute, white skirt (that she hadn’t spilled her breakfast on!) and a red and white polka dot blouse. She was cute, she was hot, and she was ready to nab her man! 

Said man walked into class wearing...

Oh boy. 

A leather jacket, with no shirt underneath, a kilt, and knee high combat boots. There was not a single person that didn’t stare at him. 

“Sup nerds?” 

Nino entered with him, slightly chuckling, like he had heard a very funny inside joke. 

Marinette gawked at him. “Adrien...” 

“Aww! Pooh Bear! Look at how cute you are!” 

Marinette’s initial horror in his appearance turned into excitement. He called her cute! 

“Adrien, do we have to have this dress code talk again?” Miss Bustier sighed. 

It turned out he did have a shirt on under the jacket. A black button-up. He untucked the flaps, and buttoned them, unevenly, to cover his sweet sweet bod. “Better?” 

Miss Bustier shook her head, but urged him to sit down. 

“Soooo,” Alya asked, with a wiggling eyebrow. “Are you wearing that kilt...properly?” 

He grabbed the hem, squeezing his knees together to shuffle shyly. “You wanna see?” 

Marinette burst into color. “Adrien!” 

He laughed, “oh, I’m just kidding. I’m wearing boxers under this.” 

“Alright everyone, get in your seats, it’s time to start!” 

—

Marinette tried to do her very best to stay calm. But the very idea that a confession to Adrien would be happening today kept her distracted. 

She stared at him, watching as he scrawled notes...in Chinese? He really was an overachiever! 

The day passed in a crawl, Marinette fretting every minute. 

Then the lunch bell rang, and students began to pack up for break. 

“Adrien?” She blurted, her hands shaking. 

He turned and looked at her, grinning, and lowering his sunglasses to flash her half-lidded eyes. “You rang?” 

“Um...can we talk together? Er, go somewhere together to talk? I have something I want to tell you.” 

His grin turned into a full tooth smile. “Of course! Where to?” 

“Um...mom’s got stuff for sandwiches, if you want to come over.” 

“Sounds wonderful!” He packed up his bag, and then held out his hand for her. 

He wanted to hold her hand! Ah! 

Nervously smiling, she put her hand in his, and let him lead her from the room. 

At the risk of having a horribly awkward lunch, she took the lead, and led him upstairs to the slowly emptying third floor. 

“What’s up here?” 

“I...can’t wait anymore. If this makes things weird, you could probably catch up with Nino or the guys...” 

He very gently touched her cheek. “I told you I wanted to have lunch with you, and I will. So say whatever you have to say.” He took his sunglasses off and put them on his head. 

Marinette took a huge breath. “Now, I just need to know...who is the real you? Are you...is this who you are, and you were suppressing the rebellious, chaotic side? Or are you putting on a show?” 

He blinked at her, eyes wide. “Whatever do you mean?” 

“I mean...I support whoever you are. I want you to feel free to be you, and celebrate what makes you special, but...” she tucked some hair behind her ear, a nervous motion. “I just miss the boy I fell in love with.” 

“Marinette...” 

“I love you no matter what, though! I promise! I just...your kindness, your shy sweetness and honesty really captivated me. That day when you gave me your umbrella, and you went out of your way to apologize for the misunderstanding. You didn’t have to. I was the one that jumped to conclusions, but you wanted to make friends and get on the right foot with me. Your laughter, your smile...I was a goner.” She hugged the strap of her purse. “So this new version of you has been jarring, but...if I’ve been reading your signs right...?” 

He pulled her into a hug. “Oh Marinette. Sweet, kind, thoughtful Marinette. You’ve figured me out. This is all an act. Except my attitude towards you. I feel the same.” 

“You...love me?” 

“Yes. More than I can express.” 

She raised her head, tilting her chin and slowly closing her eyes. 

The gag kiss during truth or dare was one thing, but Adrien would kill Plagg if he kissed Marinette in earnest like this. 

Instead, he pressed a finger to her lips and smiled at her confused look. “Not yet. The timing isn’t right. If I could give you the world, I would. In fact, anything else, I’ll give it to you. You have my heart, and that will be yours as long as you want it. But I don’t think you want a relationship right now.” 

“I’m confused...” Marinette said, her lips trembling. 

“I want to protect you from my father and Lila. If I make you my girlfriend, they will try to hurt you to get to me. I’d hate to ask you to wait for me, since you’ve finally gotten the courage up to confess...but would you wait?” 

Marinette reached up to hold his face, letting her thumb pass reverently over his cheek. How had she gotten so lucky to fall for a man so thoughtful? So loving? 

“Adrien, I’d wait a hundred years to be with you. It’ll be our secret for now.” 

He kissed her forehead. “I’m sorry. I know you wanted more from the conversation-“ 

“Just knowing my feelings are returned are enough. Thank you.” 

He took her hand again. “You still want to feed me sandwiches? Do I still deserve it?” 

“Of course you do...My Prince.” 

Plagg almost retched, but he schooled his face into an adoring grin before he faced her again. “That’s adorable!” 

“You like it?” 

“I love it!” It was just cheesy enough for Adrien. 

“Then that’ll be your nickname...in secret. No one else will know.” 

“I think you’ll come to find that our little secret will be so much more fun between us.” 

—

After lunch, Plagg and Marinette returned to school. They stopped holding hands as they approached the building, but they stood close and bumped each other coyly. 

The behavior didn’t go unnoticed by Alya or Lila. But Alya was the only one to confront them. 

“You two seem close,” she asked, twinkle in her eye. 

“Oh, we just had a very funny lunch together.” 

“Oh yeah?” 

“Yep. Some great inside jokes. You had to be there.” Plagg sent a wink at Marinette and she seemed to swoon on the spot. 

Plagg let her go back to her seat, ignoring the whispering from the girls behind him. 

They thought he couldn’t hear them. He could. 

Nino bumped his elbow. “Everything cool dude?” 

“Absolutely. I’ll tell you later.” 

—

Later came after school, of course. The second Plagg and Nino were away from school property, Plagg blurted out, “I’m a genius. I got Marinette to confess her undying love for Adrien. Boo-yah!” 

“What?!” Nino shrieked. “Dude! She’s been trying to get that out for months! How on earth—no, wait. I know the answer.” 

“Confidence.” 

“And obvious flirting.” Nino scoffed. “Adrien always threw out the line, ‘you’re such a good friend’ in front of her. It was like wearing a big sign that said, ‘I will reject you!’” 

“I’m right here, you know,” Adrien said, poking his head out of Plagg’s jacket. “And to my defense, I was trying to be faithful to—“

Plagg covered his mouth before he could accidentally reveal Marinette as Ladybug. “No excuses, lover boy!” 

Thankfully, Adrien seemed to realize the mistake he almost made and nodded. “Fine, fine. I appreciate that you didn’t kiss her...again. So now what? Have we fulfilled that part of the contract yet?” 

“Not quite.” He held up the ring. A paw print with three pads faintly shone on the surface. “Once a condition is met, you’ll hear the ring give its telltale beep and a pad will disappear. Once the paw print completely vanishes...well, you’ll be back in your own body anyway.” 

“So...what do I need to do? She already confessed to me.” 

This was a conversation better had without Nino involved. Of course he was a bro, and would be helpful for things. But Ladybug’s identity should still remain a secret. 

“Nino...” Plagg began, with a drawl. “How much do you know about the birds and the bees?” 

Nino sputtered. “HA! BYE!” And he made an about face and hurried towards home. 

“Wait Nino!” Called Adrien. 

“We’ll meet up with you later!” Plagg sang after. 

Adrien looked to his body. “Please tell me you don’t have to...get up to some nasty stuff with my lady. Sure, it’s my body, but you’re like a bazillion years old and I was rather hoping to wait until marriage—“ 

“Calm down, Romeo. No, there’s not any hanky panky involved. I just needed to get Nino to leave without saying, ‘hey leave’. If he’s going to be suspicious, I need him on a whole other wavelength.” 

“Okay, so if there’s no horizontal tango happening, then what are we doing?” 

Plagg slipped the ring off his finger. “You need to spend time with her. Tell her or don’t. Just spend time with her outside of school and akumas and get to know her better. For an alibi, tell her that you haven’t been feeling well and you need to be in proximity of the Miracle Box. Then have her send her earrings to me so things stay even.” 

“Will she go for that?” 

“Probably. You know her better than I do.” 

“What about the ring? Don’t you need to wear it because we’re switched?”

“Nah. It should be alright for a little while. It should stay with my body though.” 

“Okay...I guess...I’ll go see Marinette.” 

“Have fun!” Plagg wiggled his fingers in a farewell and started walking to where Nino had disappeared. 

Nervous as all get out, Adrien fled to the bakery, trying to figure out what he was going to tell Marinette. 

When was it appropriate to come clean? How long should he wait? Should he blab at all? 

Soon, he was hovering above her trap door, and peering inside. Marinette sat at her desk, music playing as she worked on homework. Her head bobbed to some tunes. 

“Okay, she thinks you’re Plagg. So she’ll welcome you in and listen to what you tell her. And if she finds out you’re Adrien, then she loves Adrien and everything will be fine. Right? Right!” He psyched himself up. 

Using his poorly practiced phasing powers, he entered her room and came to float by her desk. “Hiya pigtails!” He chirped, in the typical Plagg style. 

She jerked, before turning to him. Her eyes landed on the ring and widened with surprise. “Why do you have that?! Is Chat okay?! What’s wrong?!” She stood, and nearly knocked over her chair. 

Even Tikki looked surprised. 

“Everything is fine!” He rushed to rectify. Then he remembered Plagg’s crafted lie. “Mostly. I haven’t been feeling very good, so I think I need to be closer to the Miracle Box for a little bit. I brought the ring for you, if you would send Tikki to Chat for a little while. That way he’s covered in case there’s an Akuma attack.” 

Luckily, she bought his dirty fib and started to remove her earrings. “Oh, well if you aren’t feeling well, that means Chat won’t be in top form. We can’t have that! Of course we can trade!” She took the earrings off and handed them to Tikki, before putting on the ring. 

Adrien felt a tingle down his spine as the black metal turned rose gold on her dainty finger. 

“Is he at home?” Asked Tikki. 

“No, come with me, I’ll tell you.” And he escorted her up to the balcony. 

“Did Plagg put you up to this?” She asked, once outside. “This seems like one of his hair brained schemes.” 

“I mean...he came up with the excuse...but I thought Marinette’s confession today would fulfill one of the conditions of the contract, but it didn’t. Plagg said I should just spend time with her.” 

Thankfully, Tikki was the nice one. She patted his paws. “I’m sure you miss her too. I won’t say anything. But I will be having a word with Plagg about this whole thing. He should know that body swaps don’t always work!” 

“Don’t tell me that! I’m struggling as it is!” 

“Sorry!” She giggled. “Why don’t you go on in. Be prepared though. She’s been all sighs since ‘Adrien’ returned her feelings today.” 

If he could blush, he would have. “Oh boy...” 

“Where am I going?”

“Oh, Plagg is staying with Nino now. He left home. And uhhh...Nino knows. About me, not Marinette.” 

She scoffed. “That rascal.” 

“Thanks for understanding, Tikki.” 

“I’m understanding with you, because you’re the victim of a manipulative, chaotic creature of destruction and havoc.” 

“He can be a bit of a turd.” 

“What am I doing? You could be spending time with the love of your life! Now, go on!” Tikki pushed him towards the door before flitting off to Nino’s. 

Suddenly faced with seeing Marinette again, and continuing to lie to her face, he sheepishly returned to her room. 

She had ducked out for the moment, and he found himself alone. 

Alone, but surrounded by dozens of pictures of himself. 

Knowing about her crush put these photos in a different context, for sure. 

“Just a fan” she said. She was a big fat liar too! 

“Adorable, isn’t he?” Her voice grabbed him while he was off guard. 

“Uhhh...I guess? For a human?” 

She giggled, and set down the plate of cheese danishes onto her desk. “That’s Adrien. He’s kind of my boyfriend. It’s not official yet, but he loves me.” She smiled widely. “He told me just today.” 

“‘Kind of’ your boyfriend? You’re okay with that?” 

“He can’t date right now because of his father. But he asked me to wait for him. I’d wait a thousand years for him.” 

His heart hammered in his chest. “What about three years? What if he can’t date until he’s 18?” 

“That’s fine.” She said nonchalantly. “We can still hang out. We can focus on school and drama doesn’t have to come between us...” 

“And if someone else available comes along?”

Marinette couldn’t know the real reason he was asking that question. She just fondly patted his head. “Sorry Plagg. I know you care a lot about Chat, but Adrien...Adrien means the world to me. I love Chat too, but in a different way. And he’s not available, not to me.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Chat will always just be my partner. Can only be my partner. We couldn’t date if I wanted too. It would be too difficult.” She sat back at her desk and sighed. “It would hurt too much.” 

Adrien was struck speechless. How was he even supposed to respond to that? Was that an admission that she actually did have some feelings for Chat Noir? 

It didn’t matter. Not now. “I didn’t mean to put you on the offensive. I was just...curious, is all. I’m happy you’ve found someone who loves you.” 

She smiled at him then, scooping him out of the air and scratching his cheek with her finger. “Thanks Plagg. I hope I didn’t come off as snooty. I know you care about Chat. But he can fight his own battles.” 

Her words made him feel like garbage. She had no idea, of course. Because up until the body swap, Adrien’s battles were not being fought. They were purposefully not being fought, because he was too chicken shit to upset anyone. 

“Yeah...he’s brave alright...” he muttered. 

Marinette settled down at her desk and continued on her homework. 

What was a boy to do? He sat on the desk, and helped himself to the cheese danishes. 

They were almost worth the trip over here by themselves. 

“Enjoying yourself?” Marinette asked, eyebrow quirked. 

At that, Adrien realized with thinly veiled horror that he had been moaning. 

Eek. 

“These are the most delicious things I’ve ever had!” Or maybe it was because Plagg had only fed him Camembert until now. Sure, Plagg’s taste buds were attuned to the foul stuff, but after a while, the same foods over and over get old. 

Marinette just smiled at him fondly and continued with her work. 

Would it be odd to look at her? Would she notice? He certainly found it hard to look away. He couldn’t stare at her during school. Not as Plagg, and not as Adrien from now on. 

She tapped her pencil against her perfectly kissable lips, scrunching her nose and narrowing her eyes as she studied the page. It was adorable, but more so, it was the same face she made as Ladybug, when she was trying to solve her Lucky Charm. 

Was it hindsight? Or if he saw Marinette making that face, would he have realized it? 

Would he have cared enough to look at her?

Of course he would! He argued with himself. Marinette was always special, and her being Ladybug only elevated her in his mind. It was a match that made sense. Of course she was Ladybug. No one else could be so…wonderful. 

But faced with her, and not knowing what to say or how to begin to explain the truth, he had to ask himself the tell tale question:

Did he like Marinette now because she was Ladybug? Or did he always like her, and was only in denial?

He begged it was the second. It had to be. 

Her qualities were the same. There was nothing about Marinette that made him recoil or actively deny her identity. 

Scratch that, Marinette was ridiculously clumsy. 

But besides that, they were the same. 

“Thinking about something tough over there?” Marinette asked. 

“Huh? Oh. Uh...yeah. You know how it is.” Like that made any sense. 

“Right. Like I could understand the problems of a Kwami.” She teased. “If you need to talk, I’m all ears.” 

Soon. Soon he’d explain everything. But right now, he was just too nervous and scared of her wrath. “Thanks Marinette. I appreciate it. But I don’t want to distract you from your homework.” 

She shrugged a little, not wanting to pry, before going back to work. 

Adrien and Marinette shared the cheese danishes, and occasionally talked as she worked. When she got severely stuck, he would throw her a few hints. 

Then she stretched, finished. “Oh thank goodness! I’m so tired, and I could use a lazy evening.” 

“Marinette! Dinner time!” 

“Well, after dinner, I’d like a lazy evening.” She scratched Adrien’s head. “Let’s just hope there’s no Akuma attack.” 

“Fingers crossed!” 

“You’ll be fine up here alone?” 

“Of course. Have fun with your parents.” 

“Oh,” she wilted. “Should I tell them about Adrien?” 

“Why not?” 

“I’m just scared that my nosy parents will ask a hundred questions. And we’re not even official.” 

“Maybe by mentioning it now, when it becomes official, it won’t be much of a shock.”

“And maybe we can avoid another disaster like when my dad got akumatized. You’re right.” She couldn’t help but sigh. “Well, I’ll tell you how it goes!” And she went downstairs. 

Adrien sat on her desk, scanning the walls and taking in all of his pictures. She really loved him, didn’t she? 

And how long had that gone on, and he never noticed? 

Was it okay to snoop? Of course morally and ethically, no, it wasn’t. But he was technically her sort of boyfriend. It couldn’t hurt. 

Right?

So he snooped. Just a precursory glance through her belongings. It was all very innocent. 

Until he found the pink half-circle book. Her diary. 

Maybe it was the influence of Plagg’s magic in him. Or this whole experience was turning him into a rascal. 

But he opened the book and started to read. 

The entries were pretty innocent too. Day to day things, balancing life as a superhero and a student. She mentioned him a few times. Using phrases like, ‘golden hair’, ‘handsome face’, ‘emerald eyes’, and ‘abundant kindness’. She wrote about the times they interacted. From him catching her when she tripped, to the glances they shared. Just the smallest interactions between them, she cherished. 

It almost made his heart hurt with how moved he was. 

And then there was an entry whose content made him feel a different sort of pain. She recounted a day he had not experienced. Her encounter with his akuma, Chat Blanc. 

He read the pages, soaking up every heart breaking moment. All the cruel things he had said to her that he would have never known. Why hadn’t she said anything? Was it too painful? Or did…

Did she think he didn’t need to know?

The diary slammed shut as he was finishing the entry, and a very angry and embarrassed Marinette stood over him, glaring. “Little snoop.” 

“Yeah yeah, cats and curiosity and all that. So sue me.” 

She took the book away and put it in a box with a lid. “Remind me never to leave you alone in my room ever again.” 

“Aw, you’re no fun.” 

She walked away, heading to her dresser. “Are you like this with Chat, too?”

“Oh, I’m much worse. You have no idea.” 

She laughed at him, and took her pajamas out of her drawers. 

Then without warning, she took off her pants. 

And Adrien’s mouth went dry. He watched as she slipped on her pajama pants, and then took off her shirt, and even her bra, before putting on a loose t-shirt. 

He was not going to get that image out of his head for a long, long time. 

She turned to him and started talking like nothing had happened. “So what do you want to do? I’m all done with homework, and so as long as there’s no Akuma attack, I can do whatever I want. What do you and Chat usually do?” 

Adrien didn’t know how to tell her he didn’t really have free time. Plagg just looked up cheese blogs on his phone, or watched a movie while Adrien worked on homework. 

“You pick. I’ll just watch if you want to play video games or design.” 

“I’m actually kind of tired. I might just watch videos in bed.” 

“Sounds fun! Can I join?”

“Sure! Whatever you want, Plagg.” Marinette climbed her ladder up to her loft and settled against her pillows. She pulled a fuzzy blanket around her legs and sighed in content. “Just what the doctor ordered!”

Adrien hesitated a moment, trying to decide where to sit. Her shoulder? Her stomach?

But Marinette took the choice away and patted her chest, just above her heart.

Eagerly, he settled, curling his tail around his body, and absorbing her body heat. She scratched between his ears and made him purr almost instantly. 

This was heaven. When he got his body back, he’d lay his head here. Hopefully, she’d scratch his scalp just the same. 

The videos played on her phone, just memes. Every time she chuckled, her chest would rumble with the noise, and fill him with joy. 

He could hear her heart beating. The heart she had opened for him just today. A heart that he lived in. 

And then her phone started flashing with a red light. And akuma alert!

“Uh oh!” Marinette clicked on the alert, checking out the details. “It’s a sentimonster! Come on Plagg, we can’t leave Misterbug out to dry!”

As she scaled the ladder to her balcony, he panicked. How was this going to work? Was she going to notice once they transformed? Would he be able to hear her thoughts like he could when Plagg transformed?

Would he look through her eyes?

She raised the hand with the ring on it. “Alright! Plagg, Claws out!” 

Nothing happened. 

“Um...Plagg, Claws out?” 

“Oh.” Adrien gasped, “oh no.�� 

“Oh no what? Are you broken? Do I need to fix you?” 

“No! I mean—sort of, but you already did your part! I’m just...” 

“Plagg, what’s going on?” 

He sighed, screwing up his lips and unintentionally showing his fangs. “Um...I’m not...I’m not actually Plagg.” 

She stared at him, brows furrowing and eyes narrowing. “Then...who are you?” 

“Promise you won’t be mad?” 

“No guarantees!” 

“Well, okay.” He gulped. “I’m...Adrien?” 

She blinked. “Adrien? Like...no. No no no not like Adrien Agreste, my new supposed boyfriend?!” 

“That’s me! Hi P-Pooh Bear?” 

“What?!” She shrieked. “How?! When?! What—“ she snatched him out of the air with firm hands. “HAVE YOU BEEN ADRIEN THIS WHOLE TIME?” 

“I mean, I’ve been Adrien my whole life,” he awkwardly chuckled. 

“No, no don’t joke with me right now.” She sniffed. “How long have you been like this?” 

“Um...about two weeks now. Since that day he came to school in a crop top.” 

Marinette shut her eyes tight, a few tears slipping past her cheeks. “That long...” 

“Marinette?” 

“So it was all a lie? Plagg’s just—messing with us? With me? You don’t really—“ she squeezed her eyes shut and started crying in earnest. 

“No! No Marinette! Of course I love you! I’ve always loved you, you know that! The second I learned you were Ladybug, everything made sense! I was so happy and I told Plagg he had to win you over. Please Marinette, this was never supposed to be malicious.” He nuzzled against her fingers, offering up a purr. “I promise.” 

With her free hand, she wiped her face. “Alright, well suppose I believe you. What happened? Why are you like this?” 

“I made a deal with the devil. Plagg, specifically. He said he was tired of me complaining all the time. So he said he could solve all my problems if I just agreed to it. Then I woke up in his body.” 

“What problems?” 

“Well...my unrequited love for you, for one.” 

She blushed. 

“My relationship with my father for two, and the third is Lila’s harassment.” 

“Oh, I get it now.” Marinette sighed. “That’s why he was doing all those things...” 

“You mean dressing like a moron and messing with Lila?”

“Yes. And flirting with me.” 

“To be honest,” he scratched the back of his head. “I would have flirted with you earlier if I had known you were Ladybug. I liked you before, I was just trying to pretend I didn’t, because I wanted to be loyal to...well, you.” 

She held him softly in her hands. “We’ve made a mess of things, haven’t we?” 

“It was for our own good. Secret identities and all that.” 

“You almost sound like you just repeat that to yourself, but you don’t believe it.” 

“I had to repeat it to myself,” he urged. “Every day. Because I so desperately wanted to be with you, to spend time with you out of the suit. I was so lonely and I thought, if there was one person I could trust with my identity, it had to be you. But I wanted to honor your wishes. I just hoped to wear you down, eventually.”

She passed her thumb over his cheek and whiskers. “I had been thinking about it, ever since I became the guardian. I wanted to keep you safe, but if something happened to Plagg and you couldn’t transform, no one would know. I’m not upset with you, Kitty. Though I wish this reveal had happened a little more...mutually.” Suddenly, her eyes widened. “What are we doing?! We have a sentimonster!” 

“Aw let him fight on his own! He deserves some sort of punishment for this and I have yet to come up with a good one.” 

She chuckled. “Alright, fine. We’ll give him a few minutes and see how things are going.” 

“You’re taking this better than I expected.” 

“I’m in shock.” She chuckled, a little hysterical. “It took me so much courage to confess…and it wasn’t even to your face. That would happen to me.”

He floated out of her hand and nuzzled her face. “All that matters is that I know. We can’t be together quite yet, but the second I get my body back, I plan to make you mine.” 

“Really?”

“Absolutely, Bugbear.” 

She kissed between his ears. “Okay, My Prince. I look forward to it.” 

The ring on her finger beeped, and a paw pad faded out. 

“What was that?”

Adrien sighed with relief. “The condition has been met.”

“Condition?”

Just then, a swath of Ladybugs rushed over the city, righting whatever the Sentimonster had ruined. 

“Well, looks like he didn’t need our help after all.”

Marinette laughed slightly. “They have been doing this a long time. It probably only took them this long to get it because of travel time.” 

Adrien nodded. “So, just to clarify, you aren’t mad at me?”

“Of course not! It sounds like Plagg tricked you. Though I am mad at you for reading my diary…and watching me change!” 

“In my defense, I was not warned you were going to change.” 

“Still you could have turned around!” She blushed. 

“Sorry, Bugaboo, I guess I was just a little star struck.” 

She bopped him on the nose. “Now don’t try to flatter me to get out of being caught.” 

A yoyo wrapped around the chimney above their heads, and Misterbug made his appearance. His very jarring, ancient appearance. He wore black leggings with a red loincloth around his waist. His shirt was cropped and had billowing sleeves. The mask was just a cloth that tied around his lower face. 

“Well well well, I figured if you weren’t on the battle field, you were busy having a lover’s quarrel.” He smirked, the smile only creasing his eyes. 

Marinette looked to Plagg. “Dearest Sunshine, do you mind terribly if I abuse your body?”

“Be my guest.”

Marinette wound up a punch and socked Plagg right in the shoulder. 

“Ow! Hey, that actually hurt.” 

“I hope you, you monster! How could you hurt my poor, sweet, innocent Adrien!?” She cuddled him close to her cheek.

Plagg scoffed. “Puh-lease. There is nothing innocent about that boy. Spots off.” 

The pink light faded, and Adrien’s body remained. It was almost hard to look at him, even though she knew it wasn’t really Adrien. 

“Oh, now she gets all shy~!” Plagg taunted. “I should have retransformed when I landed. Maybe she wouldn’t have punched me!”

“You deserved it.” Tikki said, flatly. 

“Yeah, whatever. So? How’d it go?” 

Marinette held out the ring. “It beeped?”

“Excellent!” He took it off her finger. “Two to go!” He slipped the ring on and took off the earrings. “Now I just have to focus on Gabriel and Lila. I think Gabe’s getting ready to crack. Lila though, I might have to push a little harder.”

“Thank you for the warning,” Marinette added. “It makes me feel better that I might not have to put up with her for much longer. So I can take a little damage.” 

Adrien frowned. “Can’t I stay with Marinette a while longer?”

Plagg huffed. “I mean you could…but then you couldn’t see the absolute chaos that I planned.”

Adrien winced. “Ugh, fine. I’ll go with you.” He turned to Marinette, pressing a kiss on her cheek. “Bye Bugaboo. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Okay Kitty. I love you!” 

Adrien’s heart nearly burst with love. “I love you too!” 

“Gross.” Plagg gagged. “Alright, time to go! Adrien, Claws Out!” 

—

Chat Plagg Noir returned to the Lahiffe residence, and swung in through Nino’s window. 

Nino for his part, was nearly dancing in panic. 

“You good, my man?”

Nino shook his head frantically. “There’s a policeman here for you! I tried to stall as long as I could, and said you were asleep and a heavy sleeper! But I think he’s about to burst down my door!”

“A policeman? What for?”

“I don’t know! He just said he had to talk to you!” 

“Claws in.” Plagg walked over to the door, and exited, pensively watching the uniformed man in the living room. 

“Did you have a nice nap?” The man asked, arms crossed. 

“I did, until I was shaken awake. Is there a problem officer?”

“Adrien Agreste, you are under arrest.”

[nettlestonenell]

Enola Holmes in Review

Gentle Readers:

1.       I did not plan to watch Enola Holmes

2.       I do not/have not watched Stranger Things, and my entire concept of Millie Bobby Brown as a human is encapsulated in the occasional errant tumblr post, and a line of eyewear she apparently has created, posters for which hang at my glasses-provider.

3.       I had never heard of the YA novels about Enola Holmes

There she is!

Yes, I do tend to enjoy nearly any incarnation of Sherlock Holmes. And, yes, I am often surprised by this fact. For some reason, Holmes, unlike, say, Chris Evans as Cap or Chris Hemsworth as Thor [instances where I can’t really imagine enjoying anyone else in the role] I am always interested to see someone else’s [writer and actor and director]’s take on him. *Subtle shout-out to James D’Arcy’s 2002 turn in A Case of Evil.

Mr. Jarvis! [and there was Vincent D’Onofrio and opium!!]

And yet, watching the Enola Holmes trailer [no doubt b/c of tumblr], and yes, admittedly not unmoved [we are not made of stone] by Cavill’s Curls™ the delight I felt in watching that advert led me to start informing my family that on September 23rd what I was going to be doing was enjoying Enola Holmes on Netflix [and anyone else was free to join me].

Someone important is missing from this picture

And what a delight it was. In the run-up to its debut I read more than a few reviews of the film [and, I think, every one of them written by men], some of which struck me as simply coming from a place of mean-spiritedness, yet none—even the positive reviews—preparing me for how ENJOYABLE this film is.

I’m not going to provide a full review point-by-point here, b/c the film involves cases to be solved (no, none of them are overwhelmingly complex—YA novel--, so all the more reason not to spoil any pay-offs). But I do have some things to talk about.

THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM – And what a nice, nice elephant it is! Henry Cavill as Holmes is, in my opinion an absolute delight of a performance. From the moment he first says Enola’s name (a perfectly-rendered reaction to the moment playing out) this Holmes fits into this Greatest Showman-like version of Victorian England, where no one’s too dirty no matter how poor, and where despite a flaming red dress, cut too low for daytime wear, young Enola is never once mistaken for a working girl. [Again, YA novel] As other reviewers have noted, HC is, well, Cut and Bulked Out, and in his highly tailored frock coats well, strapping is too light a description word. *not a complaint. Cavill’s Curls are out and proud and here to tell us that we are meant to be Having Fun, and Gentle Readers—THEY DO NOT LIE.

No, not a priest’s collar where he is undercover (though I had thought so)

In fact, you could absolutely write your thesis statement on this film, that it’s really a fraternal, familial love story between Sherlock and Enola. Sherlock is the character during the two hours that actually changes. [Yes, Enola comes to an understanding about herself, and her circumstances change repeatedly—but it is Sherlock who experiences a Change of Heart/Reversal]. 

Raise your hand if you’re totally here for significantly older brother/significantly youngest sister family love!

HOW I WOULD DESCRIBE IT – This might in no way be helpful, but, Enola Holmes is basically The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles...

Where have you gone, Sean Patrick Flanery?

a YA historical storyline that’s written adjacent to [there, famous people] here, enduring fictional characters. It’s adventurous and pleasantly immersive, historical morays are given a slap-dash portrayal, rather than a fully-accurate representation, there’s adventures to be had, and side-characters to be converted into caring about the title character as much as we, the audience, do.

LUCY HONEYCHURCH – Yes, that gorgeous girl from Windy Corner. The timeline doesn’t jibe, but I daresay Helena Bonham Carter (back in a corset—though she may have worn those for Bellatrix) as Eudoria Holmes *IS* what Lucy Honeychurch might well have become beyond A Room with a View’s end. Bonham Carter looks absolutely at home here (period films have sorely missed her! –she had a part in 2015’s Suffragette), and still wears the trappings of Victorian England like a second skin. 

Not to mention that she now join my personal comfort-list of on-screen mothers with the likes of 1997’s Little Women Susan Sarandon and Cinderella’s Hayley Atwell.

FAMILY ISSUES OR PLOT HOLES? 

It’s a fair question. There’s a lot going on in this plot, some of which...seem solvable. Why has it been so very long since the Holmes brothers have seen their own mother? And sister? How could the woman we come to know as Eudoria raise a Mycroft? [see also, Molly Weasley?] Why aren’t people who seem to care about Enola more engaged with saving her from all the dangers London throws in her way? Why does Enola accept several acts of violence aimed at her, why does she in certain instances Do What She Is Told? Rather than chalk these up to plot holes or convenient devices, I’m siding with the Holmes family being dysfunctional [who knows what dad was like? We’re certainly not told here]. 

[clears throat]

The conversations between Mycroft and Sherlock barely skim the surface of any subject they interact on. Classic dysfunction: distancing one’s true self from human interaction b/c keeping the peace supersedes all else.

Enola accepts certain treatments b/c if we really do watch her relationship with her mother, there is an element of something amiss—as I will declare the later abandonment shows. Enola is a child used to being elevated and celebrated on one hand, and shut out and isolated on the other. Her parent has informed her about so much, but essentially locked her away in a false reality, where Enola is not taken to see the world, nor taught how to interact in it (which is explicitly stated). Perhaps it is not so surprising that the Holmes’ brothers have not cared overly much for visiting their remaining family. And when repeatedly confronted with a minor child (and yet a child likely though old enough or about so, to be married off) being forced to endure things diametrically opposed to her will—the brothers’ reactions are stoic, the system they accept as to how life must be lived immoveable and morally right simply by its very existence.

MILLIE BOBBY BROWN – THE STAR – In what has to be an Emmy-nomination-deserving turn, MBB is nothing short of wholly in charge of the screen. She never overpowers the story. She’s as loveable as Sandra Bullock in While You Were Sleeping, and as ready for her closeup as Jennifer Lawrence in The Hunger Games. As another review mentioned, she handles the 4th wall breaks in such as way as we look forward to the next time she’s going to talk to us. We ache with her sorrow for her lost mom, and rage with her at the adults in her life choosing wrongly for her future—or simply not choosing at all.

A random observation, but one that feels important to me: her HAIR. Yes! They’ve managed to make a late Victorian-era film where the heroine’s hair looks like real hair that someone really styled (or in some scenes, didn’t). And yet, where the hair looks proper for the time. [wild applause]

COMPLAINTS: Well, in honesty there aren’t any. If you want to complain that there isn’t any dirt, that the evil of the world (I mean, c’mon, this is narrowly post-Dickensian London, here) is neutered, that the adults in question seem neither alarmed enough or emboldened enough at either their mother or sister being missing and possibly out of their depths in a dangerous society without protection, and in Enola’s case real-world skills--? Well, I’m certainly not going to disagree with you. This is YA Victorian London, after all, not Ripper Street. There is also neither a hint of or actual threat of sexual violence at any point in the film. But the lack of that has preserved us from having to sit through that, as well as no doubt lectures about how Enola’s virtue might be spoilt and she might become useful to no man.

The relationships are appropriate, too. Despite strides between Enola and certain adults in the film, by the time the credits roll they’re not showing physical affection toward each other (a move that would have seemed over-the-top), and teen relationships are shown progressing at a reasonable and mutedly awkward pace.

Now, Netflix, green-light me five more films (or more). There’s still a new version of John Watson to meet, after all!

[ithinkilikeit-reactions]

Yunho “Boyfriend Headcanons”

// Hongjoong version // Seonghwa version // Yunho version // Yeosang version // San version // Mingi version // Wooyoung version // Jongho version //

- Excuse me while i go off here

- I love him so much 

- He’s my bias so I apologize if I go overboard

- Yunho is just so bubbly it’s fantastic

- He’s so funny and positive and that’s why I like him 

- As far as a first date goes

- Something energetic for sure

- something just very fun that allows you both to talk and get to know eachother

- something with little pressure 

- because Yunho can get shy and if he’s nervous he’s a mess

- a cute mess but a mess none the less

- so maybe grabbing some coffee/hot chocolate/tea to go 

- going to a park and walking around and talking

- His ears would be bright red the whole time

- it’s his tell 

- but it’s really cute

- especially when you notice and comment on it because it’s cute

- *cue the ears getting redder *

- Definitely taking a stop at the playground and having him push you on the swings

- going down the slide together 

- being literal 5 year olds but that’s okay because cute

- Might kiss you on the swing

- only if he feels it’s right and you’re down though

- Will walk you home or to your bus or car afterwards

- instantly text you after having been on your date

- very sweet and tells you how much fun he had

- kind of crashes at the dorm in his bed and does a little excited wiggle

- definitely tells the members all about it

- Yunho gets so excited about the smallest things

- that kind of makes you get excited about small things too

- it’s just very hard to be unhappy while Yunho is happy

- he’s very good at cheering you up

- and problem solving

- very much the type to hold you close and comfort you

- his hands rubbing over your back and through your hair

- after your done getting it all out

- he’s down to help solve your problems

- When Yunho’s upset

- it’s easy to tell

- his ears are red and he’s not smiling

- Yunho doesn’t try to hide it either

- he vents and wants you to hold him and help him

- his pout is the cutest though as he rants

- just help him

- let the golden retriever wag his tail again

- It’s just always very hard to see a positive person very down

- Arguments with Yunho are... odd? 

- If any of you guys have seen ‘How I met your mother’ 

- I imagine the arguments being like Marshall and Lily’s arguments

- Being angry and snippy with eachother 

- but also just needing a break from the argument and putting it on pause sometimes

- just because you need eachother’s comfort 

-If he does something wrong

- he apologizes in weird ways but ways that make sense to you both

- like with inside jokes and small gestures he know you love

- Cuddling with Yunho is great

- Like I can’t describe it any other way

- Your head tucked under his chin and his arms locked around you

- legs tangled 

- You sleep like this too

- Also morning Yunho?

- The cutest

- His little puffy cheeks and tired expression are precious

- Yunho loves Harry Potter

- so if you get sorted into a different house than him

- I’m sorry

- it’s over

- jk but he will constantly remind you when you watch the movies

- You guys watch the movies maybe once a month

- Also he wants to read them but doesn’t really like reading

- so before bed sometimes you read the books to him

- One chapter a night and slowly but surely you’ll make it through the series

- He loves it and just stares at you lovingly while you read

- extra points if you try and make voice for the characters

- it just makes reading more tolerable for him

- Definitely loves teaching you dances too

- he hopes one day to choreograph a duet for the two of you

- not to perform necessarily but just for you two

- You don’t even need to be able to dance

- he’ll teach you 

- Mingi will help too

- it’s a lot of fun with those 2 together and dancing

- Yunho just loves your support at practice too

- Watching you watch him dance 

- it feeds his ego a little and it’s really cute

- You love it when Yunho is confident

- You love watching him on stage

- When the whole group is doing their more serious concepts

- it’s just so fantastic to see his bright smile anyways because he can’t help it

- Always tell him when your proud of him

- Believe me his smile is worth it

- He does the same for you too

- You could have done the simplest task 

- Yunho will still tell you he’s proud of you

- It’s important to him too

- Definitely loves playing video games with you

- The members always talk about how Yunho never gets a game without thinking of the members because he wants to be able to play together

- So group game nights with you are also very important to him

- Being cheesy infront of everyone on these nights also happen

- sitting in Yunho’s lap or between his legs

- You tend to ask him to sing for you a lot

- because his voice is so soft and lovely

- I have this image in my head

- of you both laying down in bed on your sides

- looking at eachother 

- him holding your hand and rubbing circles with his thumb

- all while he’s singing to you softly

- just absolutely precious

- Going to the convenience store late at night happens alot too

- grabbing your favorite ice cream and then going to a near by playground to eat it and mess around on the swings

- on your own you wouldn’t feel safe doing that

- but with Yunho

- nothing really seems scary

- he’s protective

- not in an overbaring way whatsoever

- But if you need his help

- or someone is bothering you

- he will fight if it comes down to it

- he protects his own

- he does it for you, his family and Ateez (his other family)

- Yunho loves seeing you hang out with his little brother too 

- when you visit his parents house

- play video games with his little brother

- Gunho probably thinks you’re the coolest which makes Yunho really happy

- he loves seeing the people around him get along

- he’s not really jealous at all

- I can’t imagine Yunho getting jealous

- He puts a lot of trust into your relationship 

- so he doesn’t feel the need to get jealous

- even if you give someone attention 

- he knows it’s probably not the way his mind is trying to make him think it is

- thinks about things before acting on it

- Okay kids look away the adults are speaking

- okay 

- soft dom all the way 

- no denying it at all

- has a really hard time being a hard dom 

-it just makes him slightly uncomfortable 

- so don’t make him do it 

- size kink (are we surprised... the answer is NO)

- Has a thing for seeing his large cover parts of your body

- if that makes sense? 

- just likes the visual of it all

- I think it also fuel that protector aspect to him as well

- he likes to think of himself as your big strong protector

- doesn’t really get very rough during sex because of this

- always wants you feeling safe with him  

- does absolutely love being on top and having you under him though

- Loves it when you love his hands 

- guide his hands where you want them 

- lacing your fingers with his 

- it’s all just so stimulating to him

- Loves holding onto your ass when you have sex

- doesn’t matter if it’s big, small, round, flat etc 

- he loves your butt and thighs

- Yunho also really loves it when you give him a blowjob

- Especially when he’s stressed 

- God he loves it

- He can hardly hold his hips still

- He can barely keep quiet

- fingers tangled in your hair as you suck him off 

- also the visual of your lips wrapped around him 10/10 

- killer about praise

- compliments you all the time 

- Also has a thing for fucking you while you wear his clothes

- especially big hoodies

- Also has a big thing for fingering? 

- I mean have you seen his hands

- he just loves knowing that his fingers do so much to you

- very into slow passionate sex 

- especially when it’s completely reliant on the pace he sets 

- and the way he rolls his hips

- god okay i need to stop this before it gets too long

- Aftercare

- Looks at you with the biggest puppy eyes

- he’s filled with so much love and he can share it with you 

- that’s how he looks at you not just after sex but all the time

- you just notice it more after sex

- petting your hair gently, asking if you need anything

- water? 

- food? 

- cuddles?

- a bath? 

- he’ll do it for you all you have to do is ask

- otherwise aftercare isn’t so intense

- just a lot of soft touches and holding eachother

- maybe a chapter of harry potter read to you by him for a change 

- even though he doesn’t like reading

- depending on how tired you both are though

- loves holding your face and nestling his forehead against yours 

- kissing your nose and cheeks and lips repeatedly

- he’s just so sweet to you all the time

- Yunho really expects the same from you too

- You two are the sweetest couple

- the couple that’s more like best friends

- you share everything because Yunho is so giving

- You two are a couple that seems sweet together on the surface

- and is even sweeter on the inside

A/N: we been knew that I love Yunho so much prime bf material. 

[itsallabigmess]

Crescente | Part Seven

A/N: I am terrible with endings. I never know how to end a story and it was no different in this one. I wrote different versions and this part is actually a combination of all of them.

Editing was made very lightly. I hope the mistakes left are not too distracting.

Thanks, everybody for the patience and thank you so much for those who enjoyed this story. Special hugs to those who commented on the stories. Seeing your reactions and comments really made me happy.

A.

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The advantage of staying in a luxury resort is that you didn’t have to go far to drown yourself in alcohol. The concierge of the resort had a list of nightlife hot spots on the tip of his tongue. The only problem: they were all clubs, and you never liked parties. Not really.

You end up joining the ones your close friends throw because they are usually at their places and you rarely have to deal with someone who is not already part of the group. But you don’t see those as parties. Just excuses to hang out and have fun with the people you like the most.

To be honest, you didn’t mind spending the night at the villa, the same way it has been every night of the trip. Is being in the same bed with Jinyoung that started to feel… risky. But you were ready to give in into the idea of having dinner by the pool again when the young man in a suit standing on the other side of the counter recommended having drinks at the bayside bar of the resort.

A DJ is playing RnB songs and you are glad that your simple red summer dress doesn’t make you feel underdressed compared to others. The bar was, much like the villa, right in front of the beach. Some of the tables were scattered in the sand, all already taken. You and Jinyoung sit on high leather stools where the lights are slightly dim, a small round table in between you. The yellow-ish light of the lounge makes your skin look even more tan.

A smiling waitress comes just a few seconds later, bringing the menu. Her gaze lingers a bit longer on Jinyoung before she leaves and once again when she comes back with sodas and a plate of empanadas. Honestly, you can’t blame her.

You’ve been avoiding making eye contact with Jinyoung since you watched him come out of the water hours ago, the sun shining behind him, enhancing all his perfections. At the moment you didn’t know if you should be mad at him or yourself.

The truth is, you never saw Jinyoung looking bad. You try to search for distant memories and even when he looked messy, he was appealing to anyone who dared to stare a minute longer. The difference is that now your entire body seems aware of how incredibly attractive he is. Even with him wearing a loose white dress shirt tucked in his black jeans, sleeves rolled up, seems too much for you to handle. So you keep your gaze away.

Jinyoung knows you too well to notice that you’ve been acting weird all day, but he also knows that if you wanted to talk about it you would. This new quiet, afraid to speak your mind side of you is new to you both. Strangely, you find yourself back on the first day of the trip, when you didn’t know exactly how to be around your best friend.

But in between bites and sips – and the regret of not asking right away for a cocktail instead of coke – you feel his stare.

When you finally glance back, you regret having told him to shave. “What is it?”

‘You are frowning,” he says, resting his elbows over the table, enlaced fingers under his chin. “You’ve been frowning since the beach, and I’m having a hard time trying to translate it.”

“I’m just thinking.”

“Think out loud. With me.”

His eyes weight heavy over you, just like his words, even though his tone is gentle. How can you though, share your thoughts when you cannot even make them coherent for yourself?

“I’m thinking we should get drunk,” you say, giving an unconvincing shrug, tapping on the cocktails menu that your waitress kindly left behind.

You glance at him again, quick enough to see him rolling his eyes. “Do you really think that’s a good idea?”

“I mean, I’m sure we can handle a couple of drinks without needing adult supervision.” You wave at the waitress and asks for the sweetest drink you could find, while Jinyoung stays with the same half drank soda in front of him.

You nod outside, where some people are dancing and laughing and trying not to spill their drinks. “Let’s drink just enough to makes us want to dance.”

“You know I don’t dance.”

“You do when you drink,” you countered. You look up again, raising a brow. “You are frowning too, you know. And I know it’s because you don’t want to be here.”

The waitress comes back with a tall glass with something orange and yellow inside. Sweet to the point you can’t taste most of the alcohol in it, just as you expected. When you look at Jinyoung again, there’s amusement to his expression, but you know he’s waiting for you to say more.

“Not here, in this trip,” you continue,  “but here, in this bar.”

“No, I don’t want to be here.” Jinyoung lowers his hands and straightens his posture. “And don’t even think about telling me to go back to the villa by myself. We both know I’m not going anywhere.”

“I wasn’t going to,” you feel the apparent permanent frown on your face increase.

There are a few minutes of silence before you decide to turn your entire body away, holding your drink with both hands. Your eyes travel around the small crowd and stop at a couple being swaying along with the song, sharing touches and kisses. Envy starts to boil in your stomach. After breaking with your ex, you promised yourself you wouldn’t look for another relationship anytime soon. And now there you are, wanting exactly what that couple is having. Wanting it with Jinyoung.

You let out a little growl and suck on the straw of your drink. You sense movement on your side but only notice Jinyoung has left his sit once he is standing in front of you.

“You barely spoke to me all day or even looked at me,” he says, taking the glass from your hands and placing it to the side. With the tip of his thumb, he lifts your chin until your eyes meet, letting go of your face only when he is certain you won’t try to look away. “Better,” he whispers, placing his hands over your tighs. “I don’t want to be here because I still don’t feel like being around people, and I already reached my quota for the day. I’m looking at the only person I care to be with.”

Your heart jolts inside your chest. Can he notice that you forgot how to breathe?

“Look,” he continues, “I don’t mind spending the night here as long as you stop ignoring me.”

“Okay,” you say faintly and then shake your head, laughing at how stupid you have been. Because this is you and Jinyoung. You were supposed to be yourself with him, as you have always been. Even if your heart forgot how to behave normally around him.

“I’m sorry for being all weird today. I just…” you smile up at him, finally letting your shoulders relax. You do need to talk to Jinyoung about the mess that’s going on inside of you. Just not at a bar. “We don’t need to stay here all night. I mean, we can still drink at the villa, right?”

“We do have a pool just by ourselves that haven’t been used yet.”

--

You open a bottle of wine and don’t care to grab any glasses before going back to the pool. You catch Jinyoung unbuttoning his shirt and remind yourself you should not be focusing on his collarbones. “What are you doing?”

“We are going for a swim,” his belt is the next thing to be taken off.

“Oh you were serious about it,” you turn away when Jinyoung starts to unbutton his jeans, too flustered to keep looking without the treat of jumping on him. You gulp the wine and sit by the edge of the pool, letting your legs slide inside the water. It’s pleasantly cold, compared to how warm the weather still is. Or maybe is just the alcohol making its work.

“I’m starting to worry about this sudden obsession with getting drunk,” Jinyoung sits by your side, taking the bottle of wine from your hand and taking a sip. He puts the bottle to the side and slides inside the pool. “Come on.”

You don’t resist when Jinyoung pulls you inside. You let your entire body submerge, feeling all the cold once to get used to it, but comes to the surface with a groan. Jinyoung must have done the same because when you look at him again, his hair is dripping.

His arms come around your waist, and you are pulled against his chest, your arms going over his shoulder. “This is okay, right?”

“Yeah,” you say brushing his hair back, “This is nice.”

“This morning,” your hand freezes on air for a second and Jinyoung waits until your eyes meet his again before continuing to speak. “I’m sorry if I overstepped my boundaries.”

“That’s okay,” you say without thinking. You have been doing too much of it all day long. Jinyoung was giving the chance to finally open up and it would be stupid not to take it. “I’m glad that you did. I wanted you to.”

You stare at his lips and the memory of the early hours of the day gives you goosebumps. Jinyoung’s arms tighten around you, his breath mixed with yours. “It’s getting harder to fight this urge to kiss you.”

Your breath gets caught up in your throat. For a minute, everything else gets out of focus besides his lips and how hard your hard is beating. You are already leaning forward when you finally remember how to speak again. “Then don’t.”

Your hand stretch behind his neck and Jinyoung leans forward, closing any distance between your lips. You let out a sigh of relief as if you have been waiting for this kiss your entire life. Jinyoung smiles and his lips slide against yours again, changing from exploratory to needy. It’s been only a minute but you decide that you will never let Jinyoung anyone else. How could you, now that you know how they feel?

Your legs come up, wrapping around his waist when you feel Jinyoung pressing even further against your body. With eyes still closed, you feel his hands slide to under your tights. Slowly, Jinyoung walks you out of the pool and sitting by one of the sunbeds with you his lap.

His lips move down your jaw, and then he is kissing the same sport on the crook of your neck that will so easily drive you to madness. This time, when you moan, instead of stopping, Jinyoung bares his teeth on your skin.

Still exploring your body, Jinyoung’s hands move up legs, waist, and back, coming down again and moving to the front, thumbs pressing just below your breastbone. The soaked dress glued to your body does a poor job at hiding how turned on you are but you still gasp when he starts to undo the buttons over your chest.

But then he stops with a groan, forehead pressed just under your collarbones and his hands fall back to his side.

“What’s wrong?”

It takes a long insufferable minute before Jinyoung finally lifts his face, and another one until he opened his eyes. “I don’t want you to feel like this is me looking for a rebound.”

“The thought never crossed my mind.”

“I don’t want to be a rebound either.”

“You are not!” a part of you gets mad that he would even consider the possibility. “Jinyoung, I told you, I was over him way before we broke up.”

“I know. It’s just…” He sighs, and you see the reflection of your messy thoughts in his eyes. “Y/N, you wanted me to come on this trip.”

It takes only a heartbeat to understand what he is implying and even before you can speak, you see him start to regret… something.

“Jinyoung, I asked you to come with me because when I thought about the person I trust the most, I could only think of you. Do you think I planned for this to happen?”

“No, I…”

You don’t let him speak, frustration taking over you. “Honestly, if I was going to invite someone to, I don’t know, hook up with me, I think I would be smart enough to try to find someone that I knew wanted something of sorts.” You lean your head back, covering your face with both hands. “Someone that had feelings for me.”

“I had feelings for you,” Jinyoung says softly, gently tugging on your wrists down.

“What?”

“Back when we first met, in college.” he smiles shyly, looking down your hands, playing with your fingers. “I was crazy about you.”

“I didn’t…” you furrow your brows, uncertain to how to respond. You met Jinyoung just a couple of weeks after starting college. Your roommate convinced you to join her at a party only to leave you alone to run after some guy she has been obsessively talking about. Jinyoung was the one person who at some point appeared by your side, looking as out of place as you did. You started chatting until Jackson appeared, bored out of his mind, and in desperate need of food. You three spent the rest of the night talking and getting to know each other over pizza in 24h diner. You three became almost inseparable at that very same night. They are still the only friends you have from your college time.

You try to look for evidence of his feelings towards you. Anything that you might have left slipt because you were too clueless towards people’s feelings but mostly because “I had a boyfriend when first met.”

You were still with your high school sweetheart on your first months of college before deciding that a long-distance relationship wasn’t going to work out.

“I know. I mean, I only learned about it after a while, when you told you were going to visit him for a weekend.”

You remember Jinyoung was the first person you told about your break up. And then he and Jackson doing their best to distract you even though you were not overly sad about it. You also remember Jinyoung having a girlfriend not long after. And then you also started seeing someone else. Thinking hard about it, this is the first time you and Jinyoung are single at the same time. Whatever it’s going on between you now, could it have happened before?

“Hey, don’t do it,” he says, cupping your face. “Don’t overthink it. We both had relationships, we both fell in and out of love with other people. It’s not like I have been silently longing for you over years.”

“But then, this…”

“This,” he says matter of factly, hugging your middle, “this me wanting to kiss you, to be with you is new. Is much more than what I felt back then.”

Your heart feels two times bigger, violently beating in response to this kind of attention it never received before. Jinyoung leans forward but waits for you to meet his kiss. You start to melt again over him, under his touch, the careful way his fingers slide up your neck, tilting your head until he can kiss you any way he can.

“I do feel,” growls, lips brushing against your jaw, holding your hips in place after you roll them. “that we should take things slow” And seeing the questioning look in your face, he adds. “Just so there are no regrets. I don’t want you to think I’m like him.”

He means your ex, clearly, by the disgust in his tone. You have to control yourself to not laugh at how stupid it sounds. Jinyoung is nothing like your ex. He is nothing like ever man you ever date. His much more.

“Ok. Let’s go slow,” you nod,  giving one more peck to his lips before moving back.

Or at least trying. Jinyoung’s hands hold you down on his lap. “I’m not done kissing you.”

---

You wake up the same way you fell asleep: in Jinyoung’s arms, face against his chest. His fingers are still tangled with your hair and when you try to move, he hugs you tighter. Jinyoung spent the night shirtless – it was just easier this way, considering you just kept sliding your hand under it. Without being distracted by late-night kisses, you could finally see all everything you were touching.

You slide your fingers up his chest, around his shoulders, and down his back a few times. When you look at his face, you notice the gentle smile on the edge of his lips.

“You are staring,” he says with his eyes still closed, voice hoarse.

“It’s hard not to.”

Jinyoung laughs softly, opening his eyes for a brief moment, before closing them again. “Sleep well?”

“I have never slept so comfortably,” you confessed. You wouldn’t mind spending the rest of the trip exactly like that, in bed with him.

“Then why are you awake? Are you freaking out?”

“No. A little bit, yes.”

Jinyoung laughs and opens his eyes again. His fingers slide down your back and then up your arm, copying your movements on his skin. He waits for you to speak.

“It’s just… it’s us. What happens if this goes terribly wrong?”

“It won’t exactly because it is us. Y/N, you know me better than anyone and I don’t think it’s arrogant enough to believe I know you better than anyone else” he says with a smirk. “Things won’t be much different from what they are now.”

“Except for all the touching and kissing?”

“Yes,” Jinyoung rolled over you, his body weighting heavenly over yours, his mouth easily finding the sweet spot on your neck that keeps making you weak. “Except for that.”

“I think you are obsessed with that specific part of me,” you say breathly, your hand moving up to scrape his nape.

“I’m obsessed with all of you.”

A shiver goes up and down your body. “So you are saying…” you try your best to put words together. “that this is not just a vacation fling.”

“It doesn’t need to be,” he lifts your face, so you can see his eyes when he says “I don’t want it to be.”

“Me neither,” you pull him closer again, saying against his lips “I’m not done kissing you.”

And you don’t think you will ever be.

---

Jinyoung was very successful in bringing you to his level of laziness for the rest of the trip. But he was also amazingly good at finding new places to explore that were not as popular among tourists, and so you could enjoy them without having to fight with a crowd to have some fun.

On the last day, he rented a car and drove you to another hidden waterfall that looked too beautiful to be real. You swan and had a little improvised pick-nick, and shared endless kisses under the sun

Being with Jinyoung like that also felt too good to be true. Were the years of friendship the culprit for making you feel both terrified but also so easy to fall deeply for him in just a few days? You tried to imagine what would have happened if these sentiments had arisen before. Would it have worked? Would you still be together, or even be friends?

Not having Jinyoung in your life was the scariest thing in the world.

He could feel your uncertainty, of course. Even if you didn’t say a word about it. And instead of using words, Jinyoung would caress your hair, and kiss your face and show you how safe you were in his arms. Exactly where you belonged.

As much as you loved you the almost completely free vacation, you were glad to be back at home. Even if know you had a new awareness of how small your apartment it is. But no matter how luxurious the resort was, or even just the villa you stayed: it could never be compared to the feeling of being home.

You had enough cleaning to do and clothes to wash to keep your mind busy for a couple of hours and not think about the downside of not having Jinyoung there. You had to go back to work the next morning and he promised to take you to dinner right after.

It was only when you finally fell into bed that you allowed your mind to feel gloomy. You flicked through the photos of you together and did your best to focus on the delicious moments shared. You were about to fall asleep when your phone buzzed.

“Do you remember what you said on the first night of the trip?” he asks on the other side of the video call, in the darkness of his room. Shook your head slowly against your pillow. “When you got to the room you said ‘the bed is too big for just me.’ It makes more sense now than it did then.

“You should come over, then,” you say. “I wouldn’t mind sleeping in your arms for another night.”

You wouldn’t mind sleeping in his arms forever.

“Don’t tempt me,” Jinyoung lets out a heavy sigh.

“I think I’ve done so, unconsciously, since day one,” you admitted, even if you weren’t sure you meant the first day of the trip or the day you met him.

You didn’t speak much, both tired and with shared knowledge that once the sun was out, life would be back to normal. Except that everything would be different.

And for a moment you didn’t feel so scared.

[yukidragon]

Our Life, but as Dark Fantasy

Okay, so, Our Life: Beginnings & Always by @gb-patch is probably the softest story I’ve ever fallen in love with. (And I will always scream from the rooftops that people should play it because I love it so much and it’s free to boot!) It’s slice of life and low stakes and the focus is entirely on the characters living life together and their relationships.

Despite this and enjoying working on my personal sorta novelization and adding in new scenes that fit the mood and add more excuses for fluff... suddenly a light banter scene from one of the parts of the game spiraled out of control into a plot thread of a dark angsty canon divergence with fantasy elements.

Like, I have no intention of writing a full blown story about it or anything. (Not like I’m doing for my preferred route through the game at least.) But, dang it, my passion for this game can’t be contained, and it’s running away with me. Plus, hey, why not grant Cove his deepest wish to finally meet a mermaid?

In other words, I took a fun and fluffy scene from the game and threw in an ominous note of foreshadowing to it at the end, which then blew up into its own post-game scene. Am I going to show it? What the heck, sure. Here’s the scene under a cut. Maybe someone else will enjoy it too.

Disclaimer - my version of Jamie might not match yours, and this is written in third person, so if you’d rather not read about that kind of fan content for Our Life, play the game instead. The writing will be rougher than what gets posted on @dragonandtiger, as this is first draft fooling around. Also, spoilers for Step 3.

...

Cove pretended to sigh as he hung his head. “Maybe it’s for the best.” He peeked through strands of his hair at Jamie as he tried his best to keep a straight face. “Let’s say a merperson did happen to wash up on shore one day…”

He let the suggestion hang in the air for a moment as he turned to Jamie, wearing a faux doleful expression that did nothing to hide the smile in his eyes. “I could’ve lost my girlfriend to their magical underwater world.”

Jamie failed to stifle a chuckle, which quirked the corners of Cove's mouth upwards in response. "Sure, I'd go with the merperson," she teased, "but only if you could come with us too."

Cove didn’t try to hide his grin this time, his eyes lighting up with delighted surprise at the unexpected answer. “You’re a nice person, Jamie,” he said sincerely before he got back into character. He arched an exaggerated eyebrow, doing his best to display serious skepticism. “But what if they didn’t want me? Would you seriously stay on land?”

Jamie placed her hands on her hips and gave him a pointed look. Despite the ridiculousness of the conversation, she wasn’t about to joke on this point. There was nothing in this world that would make her choose to leave Cove behind - not even for some hypothetical mysterious other world full of magic and adventure. Though she offered no words in response, she grabbed onto his arm and clung to it with excessive possessiveness.

Despite the hint of actual seriousness that had crept into the playful debate, Cove couldn’t help but nearly chuckle when Jamie latched onto him, her silent message coming across loud and clear. He couldn’t help but smile softly and think of just how cute his girlfriend could be when she was, as he liked to call it, stubbornly affectionate.

Still, despite the moment of fondness, he wasn’t about to let the joke drop just yet. “If a beautiful, kind merperson falls for somebody, I’m pretty positive the sensible response isn't to turn around and say, ‘No thanks, I’m gonna stay on land with a normal guy.’”

“I don’t want that,” Jamie huffed. She puffed out her cheeks in an exaggerated pout, and Cove couldn't stop himself from chuckling a bit at the sight. She broke character to smile triumphantly at that, before she suddenly straightened up, her eyes lighting up with a brilliant idea. “I should get to be the mercreature, and then I’d invite you to the underwater world.”

“What?!” Cove blurted out, caught completely off guard by the suggestion. He stared at Jamie with wide eyes, his mind immediately already picturing the possibilities of what she might look like as a mermaid. It wasn’t too hard to visualize considering she was already wearing a swimsuit, and the image turned his cheeks pink with heat.

“That's…,” he began, only to falter for a moment. “You… as a mermaid…” He had to take a moment to again picture it, his mouth hanging open just a little in wonder. “That’s… I mean…”

When the idea finally finished crystalizing in his head, Cove couldn’t help but feel thrilled by it. “Yeah,” he said with a brilliant smile. “It’s a good idea.”

Jamie smiled, pleased to have had such a profound effect on her boyfriend. She adjusted her hold so that she held his hand in both of hers. “I’m glad you think so,” she said before her voice grew tender. Her dark blue eyes glittered with adoration as she peered deeply into his eyes of bright aquamarine. “Would you come with me?”

“I…” Cove faltered, staring at Jamie with wide eyes as his pulse quickened. Her gaze was electric, turning into nervous energy inside him that couldn’t be contained. Although he hesitated to remove the hand she held so tenderly, he fumbled with his free hand for something to fidget with and found the sunscreen bottle he had dropped earlier. He flicked at the cap, snapping it on and off again in an erratic rhythm.

After a moment, Cove closed his eyes and took a deep breath as he tried to compose himself. “Of course I would,” he finally answered. He tried to keep sounding playful, but the words came out soft with his sincerity. When he opened his eyes again, he saw Jamie was beaming, her smile as brilliant as sunshine.

“Thanks, Cove,” she said as she laced their fingers together. “I’d be a happy merfolk.”

Cove returned the gesture, squeezing Jamie's hand as little giggles escaped him. While the whole conversation had been intended as a lark, he couldn't help but feel deliriously happy by the little fantasy they had crafted together.

Jamie leaned in closer to her boyfriend, pleased by how much of an impact her words had on Cove. She couldn't help but imagine the scenario like he was at that moment. It would be such a lovely story.

Or at least, it would have been if it only remained nothing more than a fantasy.

Jamie was swimming like her life depended on it. Limbs thrashing through the water, propelling her closer and closer to the shore. She fixated on nothing else but making it back to Sunset Bird and…

“Cove!”

…

Cove Holden was a wreck. It had been two weeks since Jamie had disappeared, and the police had nothing to offer him but empty promises that they were trying their best to find his girlfriend.

He tried to hold out hope and remain patient, but the longer Jamie was gone, the more he could feel himself breaking down. He had the support of those who cared for him, but it wasn’t enough to hold back the despair that grew just a little deeper each day that she remained missing.

Despite the fact that Cove and Jamie had moved out of their childhood homes not that long ago, he was now spending nearly every day at the Leimomi house like he did during his childhood. Only, instead of going there to visit Jamie, it was to help her moms get through this crisis - it was the closest he could come to feeling like he was actually doing something more than just waiting in agony.

Cove also took to wandering through the old neighborhood more. He knew it was irrational to expect to find Jamie in the places they hang out throughout their childhood, especially when he, her family, and the police already thoroughly checked the areas. Despite this, he found himself at the top of poppy hill.

It wasn’t long ago that Cove and Jamie were both running down the hill, laughing and playing together like children as they raced ahead towards their future. The moment had been so peaceful, so wonderful. He remembered wondering what he would feel when he thought back to that day.

He had his answer now - an overwhelmingly painful longing.

The poppies were gone, just like Jamie. The hill was just as green as it always was, even in late fall; the ocean was just as blue as it beckoned to him not far away. Yet, to Cove, poppy hill felt desolate.

Cove had intended to leave by sunset, but he had been lost inside his head until he noticed the moon hanging in the sky. Despite the obvious reminder that he needed to go home, that he had work in the morning, he found himself lingering still. A part of him dreaded returning to an empty apartment and a bed meant for two by himself.

Looking at the moon and the ocean reflecting it along with the stars above, Cove was reminded of the first time he met Jamie. The sight of the horizon was the same as back then, but the heartache he felt then was nothing compared to the hell he was going through now.

Cove didn’t bother fighting the tears that spilled from his eyes, as he wished desperately for a miracle. “Jamie…”

Only the sound of the waves answered Cove. He closed his eyes listening; he could almost swear he heard Jamie’s voice answer him from somewhere far away, calling his name.

Then his eyes snapped open wide as Cove realized he wasn’t just imagining it.

Cove was off like a shot, running for the oh so very faint sound of Jamie’s voice. He shouted her name, and he heard his in return as he raced down the hill towards the shore. Once he reached the sand, he scanned the empty beach for signs of life, for the barest glimpse of blue hair and even darker blue eyes.

Movement on the waves drew Cove’s eye back to the ocean. Someone was swimming towards the beach, stretching a pale hand towards the sky in a frantic wave for attention as they surfaced.

“Cove!”

Cove kicked his shoes off before reaching the water, diving in without hesitation. The choppy waves fought him, but he cut through each one with the experience of a lifetime of swimming in the ocean brought him.

“Jamie!” Cove shouted so that Jamie would know he was coming for her. In the dim light of the moon and starry sky, Jamie kept disappearing among the waves, the blue color of her long hair serving to blend in with the dark water.

But Jamie answered in a voice aching with relief, and he knew she had heard him. “Cove!”

When Jamie reached out her hand again, this time Cove was close enough to grab it. He seized her body close and for a moment there was nothing the two of them could do but hold each other, salt water and tears mingling together as their shuddering bodies pressed close while buffered by a turbulent sea.

It was a moment of relief so exquisite that it was almost painful.

Unfortunately, the moment couldn’t last long. The water was too rough to remain there, so Cove shifted his hold on Jamie, hooking her right arm around his shoulders and guided her weary body back to shore. It wasn’t until his feet touched back down on the sand that he realized Jamie wasn’t doing the same, instead heavily leaning against him like a dead weight.

“Cove,” Jamie whispered, her voice hoarse from yelling and heavy with exhaustion. She reached out to him with her left hand, and the sound of metal clinking accompanied it. To Cove’s horror, he saw a shackle on her wrist, still dangling links of a broken chain. “Sorry… I need you… to carry me…”

Cove turned to Jamie, panic rising as questions rushed to his lips, when he finally got his first good look at her. He froze, his mouth flagging open as his eyes went wide and round as the moon.

Jamie’s legs were gone - in their place was a large fishtail covered in shimmering blue scales.

[autoplaysdigimon]

Character Analysis: Mimi Tachikawa and Palmon

When I was a kid, I had some weird ideas about gender.

I fully bought into that “not like other girls” thing. I wasn’t interested in makeup, or clothes, or boys in the same way that the other girls seemed to be (HMMM). I didn’t like shopping, I didn’t care about being pretty, and I preferred being friends with the boys because they were doing fun things like playing Pokemon, and that’s for boys because the Pokemon toys are shelved in the boy’s toy aisle. When I was a kid, there were only two kinds of girls: those who conform to femininity entirely, and those who reject it entirely. In my mind, the spokesmodels for these two types of girls were Mimi and Sora.

This led to a whole Thing where I figured that femininity is terrible and weak and I shouldn’t strive to be like that at all. My friends, the Boys, don’t like feminine things or feminine people, and I wasn’t like that, I was cool, like them! I played Video Games and didn’t wear nail polish! I didn’t always want to gossip or go clothes shopping! In the cast of Digimon, I very much hated Mimi, and wanted to be Sora. I hated pink, I hated fashion, I hated her. 

For the longest time, I tried to get into sports. Mostly it was soccer, because that’s what they play on Digimon! (Alright, it was because that’s what Davis plays specifically. leave me alone) And it killed me that I wasn’t good at it. I didn’t understand the rules even though when I joined up they told us they’d explain the rules and they didn’t (>:[) and I wasn’t fast at running, or competitive enough to be any good. Also I was hit by the ball a lot and developed a fear of it. It ate me up for the longest time, because if I wasn’t good at sports, I must be girly, and I can’t be that, I’m not! I play the Games and everything!

It took me a long-ass time to unlearn all that gender fuckery. I embraced being girly somewhere in the teens I think, and look what happened - I’m unathletic, I like shopping (but will only barely tolerate it if it’s clothes shopping), I’m taking more of an interest in changing my appearance, sometimes I will put on A Make-up, I fucking love pink, I’m a gossipy little bitch, and I never stopped playing video games. Hell, if you’d told me as a kid that I’d end up running a blog about video games, I’d probably ask what a blog was, but I’d be proud of that. I still am.

And rewatching this series, I’ve decided that Mimi and Palmon are my favourites from this season.

Everything that irritated me about her, back then and now, is the fault of the dub writers. Every time they wanted to fill in a dramatic silence with her complaining about missing sales or chipping a nail or ruining her complexion, every time she was silly and vapid and stereotypically girly, it was unnecessary. While the others were trying to find shelter or food, she’d say something that implied that her priorities were about her appearance, not survival. The dub writing really did her a disservice, and that’s a real shame because she’s such an interesting character. There are also a few times where Mimi or Palmon are the butt of an undignified joke, and it’s pretty cool. Not every feminine character gets that!

Was she really representative of Sincerity, or should they have left her as being Purity, like in the original? I think Purity as a concept is very different outside of Japan, so they were probably not going to be able to leave it the way it was. She seemd to be sincere in the same way that Applejack is about Honesty, in that she just has a hard time lying. Is she sincere in a positive way? Eh, sure, she’s good at apologies.

I like seeing characters who exist on a spectrum, instead of being written as a list of aspects. Mimi’s was always about her selfishness and self-preservation instincts against her opposing desire to see everyone safe and happy. She never really wants to fight, hence her splitting from the group in the last arc. Typically, her complaints that aren’t about surface-level things are about why it has to be them, why her. She doesn’t want to be saving the world, she’d just much rather have the world not need saving in the first place. In a way, you could say that her complaints about how much her feet hurt and how she was going to mess up her hair are what she chooses to focus on, rather than air out her real concerns. Plus, she does grow up at least a little during her time in the Digital World.

But occasionally, she’s a girl of Action. When she really needs to, she can be a badass, and that’s everything every girl needs to see. Stereotypically feminine and not put at odds with her competence!

(And let’s be real here for a second, if I was a Digidestined kid, I would ABSOLUTELY be Mimi. I’d complain about getting dirty, about hunger, the heat, having to fight, just the same as her. Hell, she was my avatar for the longest time because I almost physically resemble her!)

(Also because, when that shot came up, I was also playing with my hair in the exact same way. It’s a sign!)

Her relationship with Palmon is interesting. In the first episode, when the In-Training Digimon fail to take down Kuwagamon as they are, all of the Digimon are physically struggling against their partners to get back to the fight except Tanemon, and Mimi merely asks her if she feels the same as the others. Does this speak to Palmon sharing Mimi’s preference for non-violence, or did she pick up on this trait of Mimi’s this early on? In the second episode, Palmon asks...

...which, okay that’s a pretty obvious trait of Mimi’s, let’s be fair. But it does show that Palmon has been analysing Mimi at least a little.

Palmon was very often on the same wavelength as Mimi. She cried when Mimi cried. When Mimi was upset at something, no matter how small, Palmon at least looked to be sad as well, possibly just out of wanting Mimi to not be sad. The biggest rift between them was in the Princess Karaoke episode, where Palmon’s eventual disapproval of how Mimi was acting was the final straw in convincing Mimi that she was in the wrong. It took Palmon a long time to figure out that maybe, just maybe, they weren’t the good guys in this situation. The Japanese version has a throughline where Palmon tells Mimi that she hates her, tells her again in her dream, and then tells her that she loves her at the end of the episode, which is exactly what Mimi needed to hear every time. (The dub doesn’t have this, but it does have Palmon telling Mimi that she’s a spoiled brat instead, which is still pretty heckin’ harsh.)

It could have been any of the pairs in the situation of the final episode, where one doesn’t want to say goodbye so they run away, deciding to just never see them again. It could have been Kari and Gatomon, not wanting to say goodbye so soon after meeting for the first time. It could have been TK and Patamon, because they’re the Young Ones who don’t know how to face their emotions yet. It could have been Tai and Agumon, because shows like this like to have the important events happen to the front-line main characters. But it wasn’t any of them, it was Palmon who couldn’t face saying goodbye, and Mimi who nearly didn’t get a proper sendoff for closure.

Palmon and Mimi’s relationship was shown to be very strong, very trusting. For Palmon’s words to be the point where Mimi realised that she was being selfish, she must have valued Palmon’s opinion of her a lot more than she realised. She was happy enough for Joe, Tai and their partners to think that she was selfish, but Palmon was where she drew the line and snapped out of it. The fact that Mimi was inconsolable in the final episode when she (nearly) didn’t get to say goodbye just shows this further.

I think my favourite thing about Palmon is that she Digivolves into Togemon. She’s this cute little flower girl, and then she’s a fucking huge cactus who’s ready to throw down in every way imaginable and will punch a dude in the face. Also dumb plant jokes. And she’s a little bit dumb of ass, but that’s okay.

I don’t know, I just like them both. They’re also #aesthetic goals, if I’m honest. Palmon’s an adorable little fucker, I had to restrain myself from posting every Palmon face I thought was cute. I’d go ahead and say that she’s in my top 5 favourite Digimon. While Mimi’s voice acting was pretty good, Palmon’s was fantastic, and I could listen to her talk all day. She had random voice cracking moments and that one time she laughed I physically made squeeing noises. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, she is PRECIOUS.

Plus, Palmon wearing Mimi’s hat? ADORABLE. I like to think that, after the hat fell off the tram at the end, Palmon found it and kept it.

The last thing I want to say about Palmon is that is her name derived from Palm, like palm trees? Should it be pronounced that way???? They don’t in the dub, but they alsy like to pronounce “Dramon” very wrong, so maybe we shouldn’t take their word for it. Maybe it’s correct anyway, because she is, indeed, a pal.

TL;DR GIRLS GOOD

[vidavalor]

The Tiger Code, you guys...

*Contains spoilers for episodes 1 through 3 of The Falcon and the Winter Soldier*

TFATWS, Ep.1: 

Bucky tests out his newfound modern world possibilities for openness by telling Leah, a woman he’s theoretically on a date with, that he’s bisexual. He does so euphemistically but that’s still pretty wild for a guy who last danced (and likely “danced”) in 1943. He chooses to say he likes men by commenting about on how he tried online dating but found it overwhelming because what was with all the “tiger pictures”? As we know, tiger pictures are more often than not found on profiles of men, heavily suggesting that Bucky was looking to match with men while attempting online dating. That’s all fun and all but now cut to Ep 3...

TFATWS, Ep 3: 

Our dynamic duo goes undercover with Zemo in Madripoor and what is Sam’s cover identity? Conrad Mack, a man nicknamed... 

“The Smiling Tiger.” 

The odds of that being a coincidental choice on the part of the writers is zero percent. So, what could it really mean? 

If Bucky creates in the context of the show the use of the word “tiger” as parlance meaning “men who aren’t straight” and the show then gives Sam a role with the word “tiger” in it, it is making that direct connection and saying that Sam isn’t straight-- something that many viewers of his role in previous MCU movies could see as having been suggested subtly all along. But wait, you might say... wasn’t Sam playing a role? Is the nod really that Sam can only play act at being a tiger? Nope, it’s not that...

While Sam gets the slightly lighter story in Ep 3 in that more of his undercover role is played for comedy, it contrasts Bucky’s foray back into playing at being The Winter Soldier. The point of the episode is to illustrate how Bucky cannot fully separate himself from what he’s done as The Winter Soldier. It wasn’t his fault and shouldn’t be seen as such-- by him or by anyone else-- but it is a part of his own personal history and is the root of much of the trauma he is dealing with in the present. The idea is that going undercover and playing a role of what he used to be more overtly brings to the surface Bucky’s trauma-- because now he has to act out The Winter Soldier, even if he is under his own control. ln a way, the mission gives Bucky the first chance he’s ever had to act like The Winter Soldier while under control of his own mind. Sure, it’s going to mess him up but, in the long run, it probably will be weirdly healthy because he is proving to himself that he can control himself. He is disabusing himself of the notion that The Winter Soldier can take him back over against his will. He hasn’t had the opportunity to really do that before. What does this have to do with his Smiling Tiger? 

Sam is then paralleling that. Sam is an upbeat guy, a confident guy, though he’s going to have insecurities like anyone else. He’s played as sort of the inverse of Bucky-- he jokes, he laughs, he’s not stoic, he is more sociable and more in control of his own trauma responses. They have a lot more in common than they might think and a lot more than just Steve but they often take the opposite approaches to it-- which makes them somewhat invaluable to one another. While I don’t see Sam as being enormously tortured about his sexuality, I can’t imagine he’s not had his share of struggles over it. What’s important about it in terms of his role so far in the MCU and on TFATWS is that it’s in the backseat, entirely. Sam is one of the few fairly major MCU characters to not have a formal love interest and instead, is coded as heavily as Bucky has been. Both Sam and Bucky are going through dealing with the expectations of the past and how they inform their present choices and the lives they want to build. Bucky has to reckon with The Winter Soldier and Sam is reckoning with why he chose not to become Captain America. We have so far seen Sam’s reasoning very clearly and in great storytelling-- we can understand why. Sam’s is a story of understandably feeling like the country he loves doesn’t truly love people who look like him in return and how America isn’t ready for a black Captain America. Underscoring his decision is the reveal when he learns that there *was* a black Captain America-- and he has a terribly tragic story. But what if there is another component to this for Sam as well? The Sam we first met, before he was on the run with Steve, was a guy working through the traumas of war-- a nice, seemingly single guy who worked as a counselor at the VA. He seems like a man open and friendly to those who need his help but who likes to live his own private life (making him, really, perhaps, not that fundamentally different from Bucky, if a less extreme case). Being Captain America would throw literal spotlights on Sam, even more so than being Falcon has. ‘Good Morning, America’-level spotlights. Steve Rogers-level spotlights. This is all assuming he’d get even a third of what John Walker did but even that would be a lot to deal with. Is it really maybe that not only does Sam think that America isn’t ready for the first (to their knowledge) black Captain America but not ready for the first *black and gay* Captain America? Does Sam maybe want to meet somebody at some point, to have that freedom to be who he is and control over that part of his life without someone telling him that Captain America needs a pretty girl at his side? 

The whole ‘Smiling Tiger’ thing might suggest this is the case and could be, should Marvel really make good on that promise to have more LGBTIA characters thing, something that is revealed throughout the season. If the undercover operation was about making these characters a little uncomfortable with the parts of themselves they don’t always put on display and don’t know how to reconcile with in their present lives-- if it was about Bucky getting an opportunity to, ultimately, learn he can control The Winter Soldier (even if he’d really have preferred not to go through this whole thing), what was it for Sam? What’s the point of The Smiling Tiger? Did you notice how people in the bar were watching by the dozens, some probably with phones, and Sam didn’t hesitate, even in the middle of a mission, to reach out to comfort Bucky? As it turns out, Sam is basically terrible at undercover work. It’s impossible for him to not be himself because he’s that genuine so even if he’s playing somebody else, it’s really all him there, in a parallel to the idea that Bucky is only playing The Winter Soldier in this moment and isn’t really and never really has been him. So, Sam really *is*, in essence, The Smiling Tiger (this version of the guy, anyway.) A guy who will go the extra mile to see a mission through, no matter the danger (see: drinking that snake drink) but who cannot fully check himself at the door and become someone else for anything (see: forgot to shut his phone off so that Sarah winds up becoming part of his cover, blending together Sam Wilson and The Smiling Tiger into basically the same person.) 

The irony of this is that while Sam is more equipped at managing trauma than Bucky is-- not to say that Sam doesn’t have his own share of personal hells he has been through and doesn’t still likely have nightmares and the like, he’s just become more acclimated with strategies for mitigating their effects on his life-- Bucky, ironically, might be better equipped to handle the idea of a more modern take on the crossroads of masculinity and sexuality. While The Winter Soldier has Bucky a mess that Sam can help pick up, it’s ironically going to be the guy who has basically admitted he hasn’t had sex since 1943 who is going to help Sam get beyond the issues he might have with being a gay black man with a ton of expectations on him. Somehow, even though he’s not used to this world, I think Bucky’s bemusement that this is still a thing for men decades after he was last young is the perfect counterpoint to Sam’s more advanced therapeutic strategies for managing Bucky’s PTSD. After all, which one of them was insecure about what he was wearing (saying he looked like a pimp when it also could be read as saying he worried he looked too gay) and which one of them casually outed himself to a woman he’d only recently met? 

[randomizertale]

Basic Undertale AU Info- RandomizerTale

                                                   The Story

With each reset everyone (other than frisk/chara, gaster, and maybe flowey) are randomized as different character roles. The characters still look the same and have the same names, but they act and talk as the characters they are playing as. They still have their same basic powers (except for sans who can't maintain his knowledge of resets outside his role), they just act different. 

Think of it as a randomizer mod. The same art and battle assets, just different dialogue. 

Sans gets nerfed for whoever he's playing as though. 

The only one who realizes is the character playing as sans. Since the sans has an unnatural ability to remember every resets, this ability is transferred to who is sans and gets multiplied as they'll remember not only the pov of every sans before, but of their own povs as other characters as well. This multiplication increases exponentially to the point that sans is basically an amalgamation of everyone's povs in the underground.

The Sanses are also proficient in all types of magic now (as the body allows of course [if in Sans bod he still tired with 1hp bro and Undyne sans is an absolute BEAST] and depending on who else has been sans before). This means that genocide fights get progressively harder and harder each time a reset happens and dialogue changes too depending on who is playing sans (pap genocides usually end pretty fast though [despite everything he thinks the human can do better]).

Eventually the randomization just so happens to land on the original configuration of monsters. Seeing his chance for it to go back to normal, Sans,  with everyone's pov of the resets, teleports to frisk at the beginning of the route and  confronts/begs frisk to stop the madness: pleading them to be better person (paps), to stop hurting the ones they love, to let them to finally live on the surface instead of just looking at it,  to just stop the resets altogether and to let this be their final reset.

After the final reset, Sans is still sans but he has EVERY monsters pov of past resets (boss and minor monster alike). Once the resets end, he isn't everyone shoved into one body, but sans with a recollection of everyone's pov of past resets. IT IS NOT D.I.D!!!! Of course he knows that he himself is sans, but he might have random episodes where he does/says things that other characters would say/like/do (ex: pose like mettaton, make a puzzle, gush like alphys over his interests, drink tea...you get the idea) due to him being forced to play as other characters in other resets. (Other chars in the au don't have this happen to them cause they don't remember previous resets)

When he is talking about past experiences during the resets, he flips between pronouns and from first/third person (I, we, she, he, they) in order to get some of feelings across (I as Sans, we as everyone's pov of resets, and others as specific people's povs).

                                                   “Episodes”:

His episodes can be broken by a) someone telling him that's not how he is,  b) physical interference (ex: slap, tripping, sleep), c) him having a dissociating moment where he's like “wait a minute...”, and d) he finishes the action the episodes requires of him. 

Some episodes are harder to recognize (specially ones with no final action/goal in mind. For example: getting anxious over social interaction like alphys vs making a butterscotch pie.) Episodes don't overlap each other, so he could be his sans personality while making a pie, making different jokes based on an interest change, or just extruding mettaton confidence/self-absorption). 

There are certain episodes that he doesn't mind very often and will actually complete it even after he breaks out of it, specifically the task episodes like making pie/spaghetti/tea. He's learned to really like that stuff.

 Some episodes that he particularly hates are when he acts/speaks like mettaton or temmie, nervously word vomits like alphys (cause there's no filter and he can say stuff he doesn't want to be said out loud [he a secretive guy]), and when he acts like Jerry because eewwwwww.

To apologize or explain his behavior after an episode he calls it the (insert character) in me or my inner (insert character).   "welp my inner toriel came out again..." "sorry, kiddo, that was just the undyne in me..."

Ones he hates or are improperly timed, he sometimes just insults the characters though. "f-ing mettaton..." "alphys I like you but whyyyyyy" "*gags* ...Jerry"

Types of episodes: social (acting or talking like someone), thoughts (interests or ideals) (he HATES this one the most as it makes him feel less like him), physical (task or long-lasting [long-lasting like dancing/ posing/working out]). (Keep in mind that social and physical episodes keep sans ideas/thoughts/interests intact, he just communicates them in a way another character would say them.) Specific social or physical episodes can be triggered with high emotions (though most of the time it's just random). Extreme anger can bring out the undyne in him, fear/nervousness alphys, adoration paps, depression nabstablook, worried for someone else toriel, and so on.

                                              Some Fun Facts:

Fun facts: Sans gets headaches after an episode where he acts/thinks like someone else. The severity usually depends on how long the episode is and how out of character is for him.

Fun facts 2: Following the logic of post reset sans, other characters playing as sans will think and act like the original char they are supposed to be but with sans personality. Unless episodes happen... (EX: Toriel goat jokes, undyne fish jokes.) So it leads to different character interactions where an undyne sans is more pissed off at frisk and more prone to violence. Paps sans more encouraging to be a better person. Other chars as sans also get episodes and headaches if they act like other chars other than themselves (disregarding sans cause they are supposed to be sans.).  Bruh does this get complicated...

Fun facts 3: The other char’s povs only start once frisk falls underground so sans doesn't know how toriel felt leaving ashore or pap waiting outside undyne’s house to join the royal guard. That means his episodes and knowledge of others chars reset feelings/actions during povs are strictly based upon the duration the timeframe that frisk is underground.

Fun facts.4: The sanses in all the reset always has a soft spot for paps. They know that he ain't their bro but the code just has that as a priority for the sans. (Paps as sans is like my bro loves me ;n;.)  They enjoy it when paps is playing alphys in genocide routes cause at least they know he won't die that route.

Fun facts 5: In an alternate version of this au when frisk ignores sans's plea for it to be their final route, sans would most likely snap and go crazy and just straight up try to murder the kid over and over again regardless if they were going to do a pacifist or geno route until they agree to his terms or until he dies (and he'll do it for all future resets [except for maybe pap sans???])  Who knows a Dusttale (see  @ask-dusttale ) might even happen but the version of sans would feel less guilty bout it cause most other char povs would only confirm that other characters would just want frisk to suffer.

Fun fact 6: In another happier alternate version of this au, a version of sans confronts frisk earlier on, making them feel bad early and just wants everyone to go back to normal. So they constantly reset until they find the normal config for the final reset. The Sanses  in this route are pretty chummy with frisk. They are very tired of the resets regardless though (as it takes forever to land on the normal configuration) and sometimes halfheartedly bets with frisk who the next sans is going to be. The resets where everything is normal except for one monster are especially soul crushing for both the Sanses and frisk. They were so close!!!!!

                                                    Designs:

For the design of another chars as sans they might go out of their way in the assets and wear sans classic jacket to showcase that they are a sans and are aware of what's going on. So their normal outfits but with sans jacket on top.

Interesting info of  probability of a normal config happening in the randomizer:

~58 enemy types so 3364 (0.000297265% of normal config)

Or

~322 monsters total so 103684 configurations (0.0000096446896% of normal config)

(let me know if I did the math incorrectly :) )

[druid-for-hire]

new Hadestown au, ICARUS!ORPHEUS, wherein orpheus is not the world’s greatest musician but rather the world’s greatest inventor/mechanic/tinkerer. his creations are wondrous and beautiful and a miracle. Orpheus his mission is to create something that will repair the world--take what’s broken, make it whole.

Orpheus is still very much an artist--only his art in this AU is visual instead of auditory. and he’s still poor! not everything he makes is immediately useful for survival and y’know, hardly anyone has the money to buy things, and he has a propensity to just. give things away, especially the smaller trinkets he makes. and they take a Long Time to make. so he still works at hermes’ bar

SO!!!

this orpheus is body pain solidarity KDSKFJH

he has a fucked up back from all the heavy lifting he does around the workshop, being hunched over while he works on stuff, and being stuck in weird positions for extended periods of time when he’s working on machines and whatever, especially the bigger ones

also he’s got a wrist brace

he has a set of gear he wears a lot especially when he’s in his workshop

1) his wing pack! he built it himself and he’s proud. the pack was also made to help with his back problems. he doesn’t wear his mechanic gear when he’s working at the bar, but sometimes he’ll leave the wings on because back hurty. also, following w icarus, the wings are kept smooth & together and waterproofed w wax, kinda like a gloss. he reapplies every so often

2) his goggles! every part about the design is impractical (the red lenses and the beak) but i like them. they protect his eyes from flying bits and sparks and sawdust etc. when he’s working and wind when he’s flying

3) his boots! they’re sturdy workin’ boots, and have a talon function to clasp onto and lift things up. especially useful for moving bigger things around the workshop, up to higher levels and what have you, and he gets to flit around the whole space with minimal usage of ladders. (yes, they’re inspired by Vulture’s boots from Spider-Man: Homecoming)

(ALSO. the model of his wings are white crow wings, bc of the myth of Coronis)

because in greek mythology, crows started out white and had beautiful voices and the reason they turned black and got croaky calls is because a crow had to tell Apollo that his lover, Coronis, left him to marry a mortal 

and Apollo got so upset he burned the crow and then burned Coronis to death, or burned the crow and then turned Coronis into a crow, depending on the version

(thanks to @princessponies81 for helping me figure this bit out)

so there are some... parallels here

also, IIRC crow wings are elliptical-type wings, meaning they’re good for a lot of control and maneuverability in tight spaces. good for the workshop

also he makes automata too! he has this little mockingbird to help him around the workshop. lots of calls for lots of signals, like how a car will have diff beep signals for low gas or parking brake on or door left open or key left in etc... little bird can measure and alert for lots of things

he’s also less noodle-y than canon orpheus because of how much he uses his arms and legs doing lifting, work, and flying

he’s not like. Built or anything. but hes got some strength to him

he doesn’t just make really good machines either; he’s absolutely as skilled in fine, delicate things as much as the big pieces—he sees the details himself, has to make it himself, he’s as skilled in silversmithy or goldsmithy as he is in mechanics, and i imagine he has skills in metallurgy too. maybe even a bit of glassblowing? just for piece assembly. all his pieces will fit most perfectly if he makes them himself

things like the Silver Swan automaton (i’d link a video but external links are illegal on tumblr)

also... i don’t know if they manage to get married this time, but they at least get the wedding bands

lover, tell me, if you can--who’s gonna make the wedding bands?

@supercantaloupe: the river gonna give us the wedding bands -- he draws the mineral, the stones from the silt, and crafts them himself

SO, he charms eurydice with one (or many) of his dazzling creations that also have usages in practicality and survival

as is the youzhe, she leaves when he gets to obsessive with working on something, holed up in his workshop instead of like. Surviving the winter

they last longer into the winter this time though because again, he does have a couple of machines good for tiding over the winter and surviving, and eurydice can operate them. but he’s too caught up with creating something to fix the world to repair them when they break down

when he leaves, he leaves his mockingbird to take care of his workshop while he’s gone. make sure there’s not leaks or fires, etc., keep everything in working order

the trip to hadestown still takes a long time, but less time than in canon, given that orpheus gets there on a pair of wings, though he gets grounded plenty of times due to bad weather. plus, his wings aren’t really meant for long-distance

so in the end the time still matches up; the events underground still happen on the onset of proper spring

he sails over the wall of the Styx on his wings, but it’s a feat easier said than done; it really is high and wide, just... hundreds of feet tall, and i headcanon that the “wall” is in fact seven layers of fortification because some myths say the River Styx wraps around the underworld seven times

and he is not a high altitude flier

uhhhhhhhhh blah blah something something ... i’m not clear on all the details but here are a few things:

orpheus gets the shit kicked out of him in Papers as usual and the fates hold his wings over him instead of his guitar

i have no idea how If It’s True goes

SOMEWHERE there’s Hey Little Songbird II (thank you to @supercantaloupe​ for authoring this idea);

it's Hades to Orpheus this time. Ironic, as he sings and flies, a real songbird.

and orpheus, that inspired inventor, that mechanic, that engineer, blessed by Hephaestus himself, being tempted to stay. It's a marvel of engineering, those factories. But they're rough around the edges, dirty, inefficient, unrefined. Imagine all the work he could do. Imagine how grand it would be, with just his help. And imagine how much fun it would be to fix it all!

but since he's fallen in love - and lost her once already - he has to pause and think. it's too good to be true, isn't it? Is it true? Can he really stay here forever, with parts and tools and endless projects worthy of his skill and attention - at least, without her?

ok back to me writing stuffs

there is no Epic I / Epic II / Epic III; the titles are now Trial I / Trial II / Trial III, like trial runs of prototypes, and on the third one it has a double meaning as a trial of judgement

Trial III goes as such:

(and thank you to @ferretteeth for this)

Hades orders him to build.  An impressive invention in turn for his life – a chance he gives only because his wife is smitten with interest. 

Orpheus gets three days and no more, and when he is finally ordered to come before the throne of basalt and steel he brings his invention. And Hades gives a curt, mocking laugh, because all Orpheus has in his hands is a simple box of bronze, cheap and adorably human. 

 He almost orders for Orpheus' death the moment he sees it, but then the boy lifts the lid and reveals a mechanical flower. Petals made out of metal rusted rosy, nectar of flecks of fool's gold. 

Delicate and beautiful; extremely finely spun, as if the metal were only woven fibers. It is as soft as any silk.

"Where did you get that," the king snaps in a hurry. "How did you know–" 

And then, with the twist of a key, the invention reveals to be a music box and long lost chords fill the Underworld.

(i originally had the idea that he builds a planetarium that replicates the summer above, a caught snippet of the thing that hades could never make on a large scale. a beautiful thing with flowers that blossomed and played the old song as hades brushed his hands across them, sun above. but i figured it’s probably more in line with the sensibilities of Hadestown if orpheus had created something less... grand)

so eurydice and orpheus are granted their chance to leave.

i’m not sure what the test is, because he’s got to fly out with eurydice clutched in his talons, and i want him to be as much a victim of his doubt as in canon

but he has to follow this flight path with absolute perfection, down to the flap. you fly too high, the flames of hadestown will catch him. he flies too low, the flames of hadestown will catch her.

i think, in his paranoia, he flies too high, and his wings catch fire

his wings are on fire--his arms are strapped in to them. he’s burning up. he’s burning.

he’s slowing down in his ascent. in a moment, he knows that if they’re going to make it, it’ll only be one of them, and... he’s not going to drop eurydice. he can’t do that to her.

when his wings can no longer climb, he throws her the final distance to the surface. she turns around and reaches desperately for him, but he’s too far away.

he falls. a comet.

he breaks.

the fact is, he dies

but he dies in hadestown. so now he’s just... well, one, no chance of going back aboveground. two, now he’s... sitting at the bottom of that long climb, broken and in pain, surrounded by the charred skeleton of his wings, broken and burned feathers, drips of melted oil and wax, and blood

he’s... there for a long time, just suffering, before someone comes to see if they made it out, and finds him at the bottom

hades sees this as an opportunity to bring him back, let him heal, and put him onto projects, perhaps “to get your mind off of it all,” but. orpheus doesn’t want to work. he doesn’t want to do anything

thanks to supercanteloupe again for co-authoring this section:

Hades says he'll squander his god given talents to just sit around all day but Orpheus won't listen

hades has just zero fucking clue how to deal with a depressed human

"have I not given him all he could want, metal, tools, a workbench? Bed, bread, fire? Strength in his bones? And yet he refuses still? The boy must be mad," he cries, angry

@s-aint-elmo: "i got a new mechanist" 

“you ruined a perfectly good talented young man is what you did. look at him, he's got depression"

persephone herself is a mess (less so after Trial III) but she has at least some sense—she is more in touch with mortals than him, spending time with them up on the surface and throwing revels, but also greeting those who lost their lovers/sisters/brothers/mothers/fathers in the winter before

persephone encouraging orpheus to build, not for her sake or for Hades', but for his own. little flowers, little birds, wind up toys and music boxes. something to keep him going

s-aint-elmo: she brings him pressed flowers from the surface, little trinkets, tokens of the green. orpheus only lets the first few wilt and rot at the corner of his table.

flowers bloom until they rot and fall apart

it's a sad, painful reminder

he eventually has the resolve to rebuild his wing pack—better this time, because really, he feels crippled without them after living w em for so long

edit: (and the feathers are black, a la the crow myth)

when hades first sees him like, passing by w wings on his back, he turns to persephone like “what have you been saying to him?” “only what he needs to hear, husband”

he has a great fear of actually getting off the ground at first, though

he’ll perch at the edge of a rooftop, but... doesn’t move. it’s a leap of faith he doesn’t feel like he can take

he always saw air as just a medium to move through, that it would support him, as easy as swimming

now he sees straight through it to the ground

he has burn scars across the entire back of his arms, hands, and fingers

it’s a reminder every time he gets to working

rough patchy skin. calloused fingers from work

big sigh

eurydice goes home.

there is the empty shell of his workshop. his many machines and trinkets and tools and his hundreds of unfinisheds and thousands of scraps of plans, and… his bird left to care for the shop after god knows how many weeks or months.

it flies down and greets her, some string of whistles and beeps she only half understands. then it asks for orpheus

she tells it that he fell; he’s not coming back, it’s too late

the bird sticks by her from there on out, the last “living” remnant of her lover, besides his shell of a workshop

ok i haven’t thought farther than this, please have fun with this au i think it’s a new favorite alongside Unswayed AU & Apartments AU

[dgrayland]

★D.GRAY MAN ★ ANIME & MANGA RECCOMENDATIONS

So, you all knows how much I love D.Gray-Man (forever and ever and ever) but when you get at the point where you pretty much watched and rewatched the entire series - original & hallow and all - as well as read and re-read the manga you’re gonna need a breather to process all the emotions but yet still can’t seem to let go. Yet at the same time, ya need a breather with something familiar yet something new. Yule gotchu, fam (＾＾)ｂI’ve compiled a few recommendations that might match your tastes. 

The few below would probably have elements from DGM that you might like and find intriguing and probably fill up the time until Hoshino reveal more to us. 

Here we go!

GLOSSARY 

01. Claymore

02. 07 Ghost 

03. Pandora Hearts

№ 1 — CLAYMORE 

RECOMMEND : Both Anime & Manga ★★★★★ 

This is an oldie but a real goodie. I think it was way back when I was in middle school when I first watched Claymore but recently I rewatched it and it’s still very good. The action scenes were top notch and each battle is very interesting to watch especially when they really go at it. 

The story takes place in medieval-esque time in a world that’s overrun by demons known as Youma who can disguise themselves wearing human skin. They’re difficult to get rid of and when a town found themselves infested, they have no choice but to contact and Organization in order to dispatch a Claymore warrior in order to deal with the monster. In this story, we follow a Claymore named Claire, one of the Silver-Eyed Witches as she is accompanied by her human companion Raki. 

The Organization is definitely the Order’s equivalent, Youma’s as Akumas and Claymore/Silver-Eyed Witches as Exorcists. 

Those who love D.Gray-Man would definitely find something to like in Claymore as they hit similar themes although Claymore is definitely a bit more darker and gory in nature so beware of that (A bit of warning on assault too. I think two scenes but it didn’t get far.) There’s definitely body horror and blood and guts but it’s mostly keep out of eyesight in the anime but the same can’t be said for the manga. 

The story is really intriguing and really led you to wanting to know more and wanting to know how it ends. The soundtrack is also absolutely fitting and gets you hype up with the scenes. There’s 26 episodes for the anime and the manga is complete with 156 chapters (give or take) Though I haven’t finished the manga yet so no spoiling me (;´д｀) Not that I don’t know the ending...what?! Sometimes I can’t help myself! 

I have so many things I want to rave about this anime but I’m gonna keep my lips shut and let you experience it by yourselves. (・ω<)

Not enough? Let these few gifs convince you! 

№ 2 — 07 GHOST 

RECOMMEND : Both Anime & Manga ★★★★

Same with the above, I was probably in middle school when I first stumbled on this anime. After completing Claymore for the second time, I instantly remembered and rewatched it. This focuses more on emotional point similar to D.Gray-Man where characters have their own arcs and lessons to go through. 

07 Ghost takes place in a fantasy realm with cultural influence from Germany, magic in forms of Zaiphon and even have Sky Pirates! Yes Sky Pirates! The story however follows Teito Klein, a battle skalve (slave) for the Empire but one day he starts to remember his past and flees from the Empire falling into the church grounds where the 7 Ghost are worshipped. And soon he have to deal with Kors and Wars who temps humans to grant their wishes before taking their souls and run into the 7 Ghosts as he tries to uncover his hidden memories of the past. 

I think out of the three recommendation, 07 Ghost hits most of the same notes as D.Gray-Man though I do prefer DGM in terms of story telling and everything but 07 Ghost is an interesting emotional journey of its own. In this series, the Church mirrors the Order though DGM order is much darker in terms of ambitions, Wars and Kors mirroring Akumas and the Clerics and 7 Ghosts can stand in the place of the exorcists. Allen and Teito have similar notes as well but I won’t say much more because it’d be spoilers but a clue would be in terms of identity, they’re not all they seem. Lastly, 07 Ghost have a beautiful melody called Raggs Requiem that would be Lacrimosa Lala’s song equivalent. 

The anime guarantees a good time having hit the same comedic and emotional points and for all those shonen-ai shippers, this is the series for you (o'ｕ≦o) though I have yet to see if the couples end up together (I’m still reading the manga. Gomennasai m(；∇；)m ) so no guarantees on that. For the first time viewers, you’re gonna need tissues for the anime. It’s not a long anime with 25 episodes that focuses on the church before Teito leaves for the journey but it’s a worthwhile experience. 

As for the manga...I was a bit disappointed by a couple of scenes as it moves at a fast pace and didn’t have as much of an emotional impact on the readers as covered by the anime but the story is fascinating and the characters have many layers and the deeper you go, the more you see their motivations aren’t surface level. The manga isn’t long spanning exactly 100 chapters (if you count the extra) and there’s enough mystery and emotional backstory as well as action to go around. I’m actually disappointed that they didn’t continue the anime as the story after Teito left the Church was very interesting especially when it comes to the identity of Teito Klein as well as the true identities and past of the 07 Ghost : (1) Zehel, (2) Fest, (3) Profe, (4) Relikt, (5) Vetrag, (6) Ea and (6) Lankarte as follows - 

Not to mention we have a younger less cynical perverted version of Cross, a less eccentric but still highly eccentric Komuii-like character as well as a cute mascot, Burupya! How could you say no to such a cute face?

№ 3 — PANDORA HEARTS 

RECOMMEND : Both Anime & Manga ★★★★★

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHERE I’M GOING WITH THIS. THOSE THAT KNOW WILL KNOW AND I KNOW THAT MOST OF YOU KNOW! This...This is probably the only anime and manga that can compete against DGM emotionally and story-plotting wise. They both will eff-ed you up emotionally, bawling into tissues as well as leave you screaming at books and screens at what will happen next. 

Oh gosh, I hope I do it justice. 

Pandora Hearts takes place in a fictional England in Victorian Era times in the age of noble houses and Dukedoms. On the very day that a boy Oz Vessalius is about to have his Coming to Age ceremony, he fell down and discovers a pocket watch upon a that plays a mysterious melody. Strange things happens and he was thrown into the world of Abyss - a twist on Lewis Caroll’s Wonderland filled of broken things, the Will of the Abyss and beings called Chains. There he meets a Chain and form a contract with her bringing him back to his own world but an Organisation have tracked him down and now he have to cooperate with them as he unravels the mystery about himself, the Chains, the Abyss and the dark secret that loomed behind the noble houses that affects their pasts, present and future. 

There’s so much I want to say and yet can’t say about this series because the amount of spoilers. It would be something that haunt you for a long time and once you get invested, you can’t quite get out. 

There’s similarities between characters such as Oz with Allen and I dare say Komuii and Sheril with Xerxes but both series have a strong character cast that you would fall in love with each of them and layered story where nothing is as it seems including characters. The Chains can stand as either Innocence or Akumas in a sense but it isn’t a typical monster hunting story, it’s rather focused on unravelling the mystery one string at a time. There are heavy elements on horror and a bit of warning of blood and a bit of bodily harm so take note of that.

The anime is 25 episodes long and serves as a good enough introductory to the series but the manga is where the story truly shines. The soundtrack however is wicked epic and worth listening to. Yuki Kajiura lends her talents creating haunting melodies that would haunt your mind and tug at your hear strings. The manga spans around 104 chapters and good news! It’s completed so no need to sit in agony for so long (gawd knows I have. I had to wait for years. I still have to finish up the manga thoughᕕ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ᕗ Yes, yes, I am a bit slow when it comes to mangas) But I think most of you are pretty acquainted with this. How I know? Well....when this happens. 

One last thing I need to mention - the art for Pandora Hearts is extremely beautiful and you will find yourself staring at a single page for more than a few seconds just to take in all the details. That’s it. 

CONCLUSIONS

That’s pretty much what I’ve been able to gather over the last couple of months. I hope the recommendations are helpful in some way. Even if it’s not, it’s fun to write about for a bit. I definitely know there’s more series to recommend and would love to hear if there are suggestions. I’ve heard about Demon Slayer being one of them but haven’t started on it yet. Anyways....

Happy watching and reading! 

[eljackinton]

Jack's End of Year Video Game Round-up.

There were many things I couldn't do this year, being in lockdown and all, which in turn meant I played a hell of a lot more video games than I normally do. Here's a quick rundown of what I thought of them.

Hitman 2

IO have sort of perfected the Hitman formula now, so future entries in the series simply have to ask the question of what new directions you can take that formula. In that regard Hitman 2 is a resounding success, setting sneaking and assassination in scenarios around the world from race tracks to holiday resorts, and thus making it the best entry yet. It's possible one day the Hitman conceit will wear thin, but today is not that day.

Thronebreaker

Most people will go into Thronebreaker just wanting a stand-alone version of the Gwent we played during Witcher 3. Thronebreaker is not that. Indeed, even beyond the changes to the mechanics brought in by the online version, Thronebreaker is more of a puzzle game which uses the mechanics of Gwent to concoct unique scenarios. Still, the story is pretty good and it is fun overall, even if it didn't end up scratching the itch left by Gwent.

Black Mesa (Xen)

I returned to Black Mesa after Xen was finally added, eager to see what the team had come up with. My feelings are complicated. The Xen portions of the game are really well designed, great to play and visually beautiful. However the levels hew so far from the Half-Life originals that it kind of stops feeling like Half-Life. I would have like to have seen a more faithful recreation to be honest.

Neon Struct

If you've been wanting a spiritual sequel to Thief that actually used the mechanics of Thief, here you go. Though low budget, and therefore having somewhat uninspiring visuals based on reused assets, it's still a really impressive game from what the team had to work with, and it's short enough that it doesn't outstay it's welcome.

Acid Spy

I'm generally usually okay at stealth games but this one was well beyond my skill level. Got through the tutorial but just got frustrated and quit on the first mission.

Salting the Earth

A wonderfully put together visual novel about the legacy of war and the nature of national identities. Also you date buff orc women. One of the best VNs I've played, but it does have some pretty bleak potential endings that clash somewhat with the rest of the story's tone.

Hedon

Speaking of buff orc women, Hedon is a vivid, perfectly designed retro-shooter that really uses the most of it's engine to bring it's world to life, with shades of Thief and Strife thrown in there. Wears its hornieness on it's sleeve, but if you can roll with that you'll have nothing but a good time.

The Painscreek Killings

I really really loved this immersive narrative game, where you explore an abandoned town to piece together a series of suspicious deaths. My only gripes are the town looks very British despite being set in the US, and the final confrontation adding a chase scene felt a little over dramatic.

Deus Ex Mankind Divided

There are many problems with Mankind Divided. Trying to find another story to do with Adam Jensen. Making the game more of an open world by taking away the usual Deus Ex globe-trotting. The clumsy use of racial metaphor being applied to cyborgs. All in all the game just didn't really come together, which is a shame, because the DLC showed such promise, and hinted at the real Deus Ex game we could have had.

Warhammer Armageddon DLC

I managed to complete the Salamanders DLC and got stuck near the end of the Blood Angels one. All in all it's simply 'more' of what the base game offered, and I'm not sure it really needed it.

Unavowed

Easily one of the most interesting games I played this year. So good It inspired me to write a cheesy fanfic. Sure the mechanics of applying squad mechanics to a point and click are interesting, but it's the world, the art and the characters themselves that really make this game. Highly recommended.

Devil Daggers

The ultimate distillation of classic shooter mechanics. One platform, one weapon, endless enemies. I didn't get all that far into it and I think most people won't, but I'm not going to complain for the price. Overdue a revisit.

Dream Daddy

A fun and fluffy dating game that actually does a good job of putting you into the mindset of a recently bereaved bisexual dad. Come for the hunks, stay for the really affecting story of a strained relationship between father and daughter.

Greedfall

Greedfall falls short of the mark in most aspects, but I have to give it credit for being one of the few games to give us a Bioware companion-centric adventure during this drought of Bioware games. It lacks the zing of something like Dragon Age, and handles the subject of colonialism really problematically, but if you can get past those issues, it's a fun ride, and a world I'd like to revisit.

Endless Legend

I've been wanting a game to scratch the Alpha Centauri itch for decades now and Endless Legend finally did it. There is a risk of being overwhelmed by the sheer number of unique factions to play, and I know I still haven't really scratched the surface even after 4 full campaigns. Is that a criticism? I suppose it depends if you think you can have too much of a good thing.

Space Hulk Deathwing Enhanced Edition

A valiant effort was put in to make a faithful FPS of the Space Hulk experience, but ultimately it falls far too short. The visuals look great and the game-feel of stomping around as a Space Marine really works, but the game lacks charm and character. Up against Vermintide, there's no comparison.

Sunless Sea

This is a game that feels like a bottomless abyss of secrets and mysteries tied up in a very brutal one-life-only system. I really enjoyed my time with Sunless Seas, with the music calling me like a wailing siren every now and again, yet in many ways I did find it a bit too unforgiving, and it could have benefited from having a bit more of a progression between lives than the almost solid reset it leaves you with.

Age of Empires / 2 / 3 Definitive Editions

The first Age of Empires has an important place in history, but is borderline unplayable by today's standards. Almost every aspect was improved in 2 and going back now feels like trading a car for a horse and cart. It's clear that the game was intending your slow crawl out of the stone age through hunting and gathering to be part of the game in its own right, but today it's just tedious, and the rest of the game is just so slow.

There isn't much to say about Age of Empire 2 that I haven't already said, but I will point out that multiplayer AOE2 has kept me sane over the course of the lockdown, and I'm glad the Definitive Edition enhanced that experience.

Age of Empire 3 tried too hard to reinvent the wheel. Instead of taking 2 and building on it, it instead contorted it around a colonisation theme, and it didn't really work. On top of that, the mechanics really felt they were built more for single-player story missions. The maps are too small, and the expansion factions clash with the rules badly. Still, there is fun to be had, and I'll be checking out the campaigns next year.

Hand of Fate 2

This game takes the original Hand of Fate and adds way, way too much into it. While I appreciate the addition of companions, a longer story mode, and optional side missions, the game is far too experimental with it's formula, and leaves me struggling with complex missions around being lost in a desert or evading barbarian hordes, when all I wanted was a straight forward dungeon crawl. I tapped out two thirds of the way through the campaign.

Wild Guns Reloaded

I love the style and aesthetic, but I just don't have the reflexes (or the gamepad) for these fast paced arcade games.

Vermintide 2 Drakenfels

Fatshark gave us an entire Vermintide campaign for free this year, at the cost of having to be subjected to obnoxious cosmetic micro-tranactions. Hard to say it was worth the price, but Fatshark really do continue to improve, bringing new scope and ideas to every new mission. As good as it gets.

Pendula Swing

A fun little game that apes the visuals of a Baldur's Gate style RPG but the mechanics of a point and click adventure game set in a fantasy version of the roaring twenties. A strong introduction to it's setting but definitely needs building on if we're to see a continuation. A lot of the world-building feels too simple and half-baked at times, and the gameplay feels like too much is going on too fast. Still, a charming story though.

The Shiva / The Blackwell Series

At first I had no idea that Unavowed was connected to a host of other Wadget Eye adventure games, so naturally I had to check them out. I'd known about The Shiva and the Blackwell games for years, but never actually thought about picking them up. Playing them all back to back was a great experience, and almost felt like a prototype to the episodic storytelling many games do today.

Lara Croft and the Guardian of Light/Temple of Osiris

Guardian of Light is a fun, inventive co-op game for killing some time with a friend. The puzzles are often unique and interesting and get you thinking, and the story, while nothing fantastic, is fun enough to keep you interested and have a laugh about with your co-op partner in a B-Movie kind of way. Temple of Osiris adds way too much to the formula, with more characters, mechanics and more open exploration and it absolutely loses the charm of the first game, and even then it's buggy as hell. Skip the second one.

Command and Conquer Remastered

Big chunks of my childhood are taken up with memories of playing Command and Conquer and Red Alert, so it's difficult to really gauge my thoughts on the remaster. On the one hand the art direction looks great and preserves the feel of the original, and the quality of life improvements to the gameplay help make it more playable. The nostalgia hit is also palpable. That being said, the mechanics have not aged all that well, with much of the game being far, far too hard. Probably the best way to experience the genesis of the RTS genre but just know what you're getting in for.

Superhot Mind Control Delete

I wrote a lot at length about how unsure I was about Mind Control Delete at the time, and that's because it does feel a little unsure about itself. Is it a continuation of the first game? A fun bonus mode? A mediation on the nature of addiction? A critique of video game content? A joke on the player? I don't know, but I do know one thing, and that is that Superhot is still as addictive as hell.

Opus Magnum

Zachtronic's steampunk alchemy game requires far too much maths brain than I am capable of , and so I had to rely on guides a lot of the time, but that being said, it's still amazingly put together and vividly presented. Really feels like a game that could be used in schools.

Necromunda Underhive Wars (Story Mode)

I'll be checking out Underhive's Campaign mode in the new year, but for now I just want to talk about the story mode. Much like Mordheim, this is a game that's not going to work for everyone, but I really dug it and like it's unique take on a squad based TBS. However, in many respects the game does feel like a missed opportunity. The storyline is fun enough, and the arsenal robust, but much of the character of the tabletop game, the weird, chaotic, and sometimes comical things that can happen over the course of a battle seems to have been lost in translation, as has the quirky character to a lot of the gangs.  

Outer Wilds

There is little I can say about Outer Wilds that hasn't already been said by others, particularly that one should go into the game as blind as possible. A beautiful piece of interactive art, words would fail me in describing it anyway.

Life is Strange 2

Fantastically written, amazingly animated, wonderfully acted, and grim and depressing as all hell. I really love Life is Strange 2, but it it a tough game to bare witness to, especially in 2020. It treats it's subject matter with great maturity, but is so dark it's hard to motivate yourself to continue each gruelling episode. Also, I really think it would have fared better if it had not named itself Life is Strange 2, as not following Max and Chloe turned a lot of people away from a game I think they'd have otherwise enjoyed if they'd named it Wolf Brothers or something.

Half Life 2 / Episodes / Portal / 2/ Mel

After playing Black Mesa earlier this year I decided to revisit the entire Half Life 2 and Portal series. What I concluded is that Half Life 2 is not really all that good. A well told story wrapped around weak combat and average encounter design. This much improves across the episodes of course, but in the end I rather feel Half Life 2 is pretty overrated.

Portal, on the other hand, still feels fresh, though I was surprised I'd forgotten just how much was added in Portal 2, to the point Portal feels more like a game demo. That being said, I think the slowly growing mystery and menace of Portal has aged a lot better than the gagfest the series became with 2. Mel, a stand-alone mod that feels like could be a Portal 3 in it's own right, returns to a more serious tone, and feels all the stronger because of it.

Control

Control has gone from a game I didn't really care about all that much to one of my favourites of the year, if not the decade. Sure there are criticisms I could make, but the world has so much depth, the characters so much potential, and the gameplay such perfectly designed chaos, that it wouldn't really matter. A great time was had.

Icewind Dale 2

Finishing Icewind Dale 2 was the final banishing of the old ghosts of Infinity Engine games I never finished as a kid. Sure there was the nostalgia, but Icewind Dale 2 also feels prefect for the Baldurs Gate era's swan song. Beautiful environments, a well written story and great interface and design, only pulled down due to some overly long busywork at various points and the plot being dragged on a little too long. Still, sad to know I have no further Infinity Engine games left to conquer.

Elsinore

The first half of Elsinore is an absolutely great time-loop mystery, which seems to be an interesting interrogation of Shakespearian tropes and asks the question of how much of a Shakespearian tragedy remains the more you change it. The second half, however, quickly devolves into a cosmic horror story that feels a poor fit for the genre and far too grim for the art style, and that's even before it basically devolves into trying to do the same thing Undertale did but worse. A well put together game whose ending did not sit well with me.

Gwent: The Witcher Card Game

Since Thronebreaker didn't sate my appetite I started playing competitive Gwent. It is a wholly different game than the one that appears in The Wither 3, but is certainly fascinating in it's own right. After 200 hours I am officially addicted, somebody please send help.

And that's that. Not doing a top 5 games of the year because I played too many this year and I've spent too much time thinking about them already. Here's hoping I play less in 2021 and can get back to a more normal life.