#though i'm not fully committed to either of those yet

[raiiny-bay]

wip of the new guy

[captainlexapro]

hang on. I just need to talk about quinn's autograph for a minute because i have so much appreciation for the effort and intention he puts into it. (also i love linguistics/language/writing and how people sign their name is actually very interesting to me)

Been thinking about this (x) article from 2021 (and also very much demko saying "thoughtful" for his one word to describe huggy at the nhl awards this year. demmer u don't understand the implications of what you just said).

teammates chirping quinn for being a slow at signing because it's not a scribble or an unintelligible flourish...but he straight up doesn't give a fuck what they think because HE wants HIS signature to be easily distinguishable for FANS. like the awareness of how special that stuff can be for people. 💙 antoine agreeing that "you should always be able to tell the name without the number." YES!!! YOU GET IT!! (don't get me wrong, there can be iconic autographs that aren't legible whatsoever but idk. to me it's something about how it's a name and i'd like to be able to read it. it's so personal and a scribble doesn't feel personal).

i wanted to see how his signature has changed/progressed over the years, so i dug around a bit to see where he's landed at this point. let's back up to the beginning!

2018 (screenshot from this vid) -

huggy's first official nhl signature!!

his draft day signature shows he's still fully spelling out his first name. it also looks just very. teenage boy who can't do cursive.

BUT the elements are already there - heavy on the Qu, the Hu, (new nickname Q-hoo? like yoohoo? no? fine.) and the s. starting to stylize the gh.

*side notes: Qu is such a rough first letters pairing rip... it's a distinct shape. printing Q doesn't flow easily into the u while cursive Q is ugly (in my opinion) and idk if a lot of people actually know what a true cursive Q looks like (hint: it looks like a 2). also, "quinn" is hard just because it's SEVEN vertical elements back to back. i honestly think doing it in cursive requires more focus than printing. hughes is fun because it has the high and low elements right next to each other, which he emphasizes.*

2019 (nhl debut) -

oh boy. sill very choppy. still have those main elements of emphasis happening.

i feel like he probably hadn't started worrying about his signature yet (this was his first game, to be fair).

not a lot of connectivity (especially in Hughes)

the n has hints of what it will become later, though, which is cool to see!

2021 (from article)-

only writing Quinn now (only one dot for an i). maybe to speed it up, maybe just bc that's the nickname he goes by, maybe both.

seeing the connecting line/stroke between the g and h more prominently

s is looking more stylized as well

i think he's picking up the pen a fair amount still (maybe up to 8 or 9 strokes in this one?). so yeah, i'm sure it took a while compared to others...

2022 (from this silly vid)-

this is kind of not a 'true' signature to me bc 1) given the nature of the video i kind of doubt he would have put 100% effort into it (complete lack of stylized s) and 2) you can tell the surface/pen combo isn't great - see the jaggedness on the gh?

this is the most ~scribbly~ version i saw. like i said, idk if i really count this one but i don't want to dig around forever to find a confirmed 2022 signature

regardless, he seems to have sped it up and is better at the cursiveness aspect. Most of it is connected - i'd guess 5 total strokes for that version.

2023 (from wallpapers on the canucks' insta)-

definitely more committed to a "look"

Qu is kind of aggressive lol and the gh stroke isn't super smooth either. HOWEVER it is 100% a stylistic element he focuses on. also it's fast to connect them, so it probably feels pretty natural. just needed more practice on keeping that stroke aligned.

officially no dotting of the i anymore - just swooping up high (again, probably helps with speed)

we have the fully stylized s! i'm actually very fond of that part because lots of people will let the last letters fall to the wayside and basically just draw a line. he's kinda doing that a smidge with the n. but there's intention on the s and it looks very nice!

2023/2024 (from canucks' wallpapers & inhousemade insta)-

here we have our latest iteration

I reallyyy like the finishing on the n - it matches well with how he does the s, which is so pretty. such a fun letter to write lol

i think the gh line has been fully mastered at this point. and it's a good way to keep his signature legible but still give it a unique flair. not everyone's signature/name has that type of line so ppl can pick his name out rather easy i would guess.

i think huggy's probably settled on autograph style/look at this point. but i will still keep an eye out to see if he decides to try a new element!

thanks for reading and hopefully you found this mildly interesting ☺️

[lightlycareless]

When you’re free do you think you’d be willing to do the sfw alphabet for Naoya as well? 👉🏽👈🏽🥺

Hello!

Of course :>! I'm sorry it took a bit, but here it is dear 💖 as well as the nsfw alphabet if anyone wants to read that one too 😏

warnings: none!

Happy reading!

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Not that affectionate at the beginning. And not because he doesn’t want to, but because he’s shy/ doesn’t know how to! This man grew in a very toxic household, so we shouldn’t expect him to be lovey-dovey from the get-go.

It takes him a while, but with you helping him open up and succumb to his feelings, he’s really very affectionate. He likes to hold your hand, hug you, kiss you all the time, you know the drill. Though his affection is unquestionable as seen in all the things he gives you.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Naoya can’t be your best friend. He wants to be your husband!!! AND HE’LL ALWAYS STRIVE FOR THAT. But in the meantime, he’ll do his best to make you happy, listen to you, cheer you up, help you study (if students) or distract you when stressed by going to a festival or such. But still, he does all this with the intention of getting close to you in a more intimate manner, so there really is no friendship per say. (Dos that make him a terrible person? Kind of. I mean, I never envisioned him being friendly either way hahah. Naoya does not know how to socialize without belittling others; except you, instead, he likes to show off.)

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

YES. In bed to begin. Naoya likes to feel big and strong, that he’s protecting you, so you’ll always be the little spoon. Though he wouldn’t mind if you got to be the big spoon one day, specifically those times where he’s exhausted from work and all he wants to do is rest and be with you.

From there, he always has to have his arms around you. To show you’re his 😊

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

For sure he wants to settle down. He wants to have 5 (thousand) kids with you. Though he won’t do anything domestic let’s be real. But he won’t have you do it either, he’ll hire someone instead. You’re his princess, after all. (Naoya still wants you to be fully dedicated to his children though, a nanny would only come in if he sees you overwhelmed or you ask for one.)

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

OOF. Naoya would never end things with you; when he falls, he falls hard. He’s never felt this way before with anyone one else! So this is more likely your doing.

…

You know what. I can’t write it. I genuinely believe Naoya would only love one person in his life and never open up again. So, following the idea you’re the one to call it quits, the first thing he’ll do right afterwards is fight for this marriage. He doesn’t let you go that easily, asks you to reconsider, and if desperate enough… well— but when he eventually sees you mean it, he makes sure you have everything to live comfortably for the rest of your life.

A house, a car, staff members to take care of said house if needed, an allowance of sorts, everything. The kids stay with you; he doesn’t trust his family, and he doesn’t think of himself as capable of taking care of them without you either (Naoya’s insecurities skyrocket from here; he doesn’t feel good enough for anything anymore ☹)

You two may not be together anymore, but he would never leave you on your own.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

He feared commitment until you came along, though it would tie him down (gee, never seen that before!). Yet, as soon as he set his eyes on you, he knew he wanted to get married. It became all he wanted! Although mainly it’s because that was the only way his family knew how to handle relationships? A kind of “I want her, I get her.” There’s some courting but, you know, straight to marriage. The Zen’in don’t negotiate… that often.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Man is rough. He feels everything, wants everything. He cannot live without feeling needed by you. And he lets you know that through his touch, his kisses, his gifts, marrying you as soon as possible. His jealousy. His constant need to be with you at all times. 😊

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Yeah. He used to hate it. Made him feel vulnerable, silly until you proved him wrong 😊 He certainly loves receiving them, but he’s not shy of embracing you, especially in the way where he could just pick you up and aigujaikjgjka 🥺

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Naoya knew he loved you from the moment he first saw you. So, he’ll be the first one to say it. In those moments where he’s simply absorbed by his feelings, still in disbelief that he was capable of harboring such sentiments, yet happy that he’s capable, and that there’s someone that reciprocates them as well—inevitably uttering a quiet, yet genuine I love you at the heat of the moment, making you smile and respond I love you too.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

VERY. Naoya’s insecurities are through the roof whenever he sees you with someone else!!! He only calms down when the two are married and you’re pregnant, probably. He actually becomes even more overprotective with a child in the mix so… I guess not.

He’s going to scare anyone he feels threatened by away from you, tbh. You’re probably left alone at one point, luckily you managed to convince him otherwise and now (mostly) nobody is afraid of approaching you :’)

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Constant. Never ending. He kisses you whenever possible. Softly or roughly, it doesn’t matter. Naoya loves your lips, the type of guy to suddenly kiss you when talking. He just needs to do it! But he also loves kissing the top of your head, he likes the height difference.

As for Naoya, it’s not really where he’s kissed but more like how he’s kissed. He likes it when you place trails of kisses across his body when he’s back home from work, showing how much you care for him, worry for him. He enjoys being… worshipped.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Once again, it’s one of those things that he wasn’t all too appreciative of until you came along. The thought of settling down and having a family with you is one that motivates him every single day and when it finally happens, he’s nothing but ecstatic!

He’ll be involved as involved as he can be with his children (because of his work, but he always tries to make it up). His favorite activity to do with them is certainly training them, he likes to help them become the best they can be. Naoya also loves to take them out to amusement parks, or just wherever they want to go.

Naoya is also the type of parent that would argue with other parents about how his children are 100000 times better. He will not accept criticism. His babies are perfect. No issues will ever get solved when he’s around, you have to mediate that instead haha. I think the only other kids he cares about are the ones that are their friends but outside of that, he does not bother lol.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

When he doesn’t have to work, he likes to be lazy, stay in bed, keep you close to him as he whispers sweet nothings into your ear… but Naoya also enjoys accompanying you during your routine. He likes seeing you get ready for the day, preparing breakfast, hanging out with the kids, that kind of stuff. It relaxes him 🥺 makes him feel all fuzzy and warm inside. 💖 A reminder of who he’s doing all this for.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

While in the morning he likes to do stuff with his family, at night he only cares about intimacy—about you. He gets real crazy with that, desperate if you must. You have to put a stop to him unless he wants to get into trouble lol. Doing it before missions is strictly forbidden, because he ends up too tired to wake up early.

He’s also an avid enjoyer of taking you out of dates during that time, there’s something about the city at night that makes him more romantic. Luckily your staff is all about, so you have nothing to worry about them kids at home 😊.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

You have to be the one to ask him about himself, since he’s focused on only pleasing you (and he’s shy—a tsundere, actually). Though once he’s comfortable, the two would start to geek out about their mutual interests 😊 AND IT HAPPENS ALL AT ONCE. He does not give you pieces here and there of lore, nope, it’s all of it, so be prepared.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Easily angered… with other people. He does not see any faults in his loved ones. In fact, he’ll even go as far as justify them. Everyone else is not worth his time, but for you… for you he’ll go to the end of the world.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Everything. They do not forget things regarding you and his family. Everything else is meh.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

His first kiss with you, the moment you confessed you liked him too. And the honeymoon, the feeling he got when acknowledging you were finally his wife is one he’ll never forget.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

VERY PROTECTIVE. He’ll have bodyguards whenever you go out; of course, you have to remind him that (if applicable) that you’re a sorcerer too, so you know how to handle yourself. Besides, you’re also aware of how the world is so it’s not like you leave without letting people know.

His worries skyrocketed when your daughter came along but, eventually, he calmed down a bit. Mostly when he’s finally the clan leader and he can spend more time with his family—though he’s not shy from sending someone to spy check on you from time to time… maybe… hehe.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Naoya goes all in—everything he does is expensive. Naoya wants you to have all the comforts in life, there really is no limit. (Makes you wonder if that has ever given him problems. Doesn’t seem so, but still)

You’ve grown to be careful with what you mention around him, because the moment he hears it he’s already making the necessary calls to make it happen. 🫣

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Well, the first one that comes to mind is his tendency to belittling others. It has often pushed you into uncomfortable situations where you have to apologize for him :s

That, and his other tendency of accepting missions that may or may not overlap with other responsibilities he has with you. Naoya enjoys being a sorcerer, so…

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Very. He knows he’s good looking, so he does everything possible to keep himself that way. More so if you remind him how handsome he is. Naoya teases you about it too.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

As stated, Naoya would wait a lifetime for you and he’d never love anyone else if you left. He never knew how lonely he was until you came along. So yes, you make him whole.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Deep within, he wishes his family got along with you better. He’s glad that some do, but still, Naoya can’t shake the notion that you don’t feel as comfortable as you say at the estate. Thus, he’s secretly bought an apartment/house (depends on if you have kids by then) for you to move in when you say so.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

I’ve mentioned this before, but he would not like to share his partner. He does not want any threesomes, or anything else really. So don’t even mention it. Also, this might be a bit silly, but he doesn’t like it when you talk to his family, or try to get along at least. Naoya doesn’t think they deserve you and would hate to see you upset by something they said.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Because he has a strict routine he diligently goes to sleep at certain hours. Anything later than that and it ruins everything; however, he’s not above falling victim to certain… desires. So sometimes he sleeps a lot, sometimes, he doesn’t sleep at all if you know what I mean 😉 Of course, when he finally goes asleep, it’s with you in his arms. You have to be there with him, or he’ll look for you and drag you to bed lol.

And there you have it, the fluffy side of Naoya. You've changed his life, our poor tsundere husband :') alkfjagj he really needs to feel loved and appreciated.

It was a treat to write this, it gave me some ideas too eheheh❣️ thank you so much for sending in this ask!

Take care and hope to see you soon 🥰

[reidfucker]

two left feet

dr. spencer reid knows how to dance. keyword, knows how to — not that he's any good at actually, physically performing it.

or dr. spencer reid asks you to waltz with him.

an itty bitty reid drabble as i try to familiarize myself with tumblr. no beta or second thoughts at all !!! i typed all of this out experimentally. (update: edited it a tad :–D)

oh, and spencer is a trans man. it's not explicitly stated or dwelt upon, but i hope you know.

once reid gets into something, he gets into it. lately, he's been reading up on dancing: in particular, the waltz.

in his silently agreed on corner of the couch, with his feet in your lap as you sat beside him. you see him reading the waltz book, whatever that entailed.

it wasn't uncommon for spencer to be interested by things he completely hadn't dabbled in the past. he usually accumulated facts on a multitude of topics, storing each trinket of knowledge for later use. though, he hardly ever applied those skills after getting familiar with them.

this time, he closes the book, thinking to himself. you can't help but giggle to yourself and wonder, what is so thought-provoking about the waltz? but reid finds something to ponder on even in the most mundane things, so there's no need to question.

"hm." reid hums, getting your attention.

"spence?" you can visibly see his train of thought derail.

"oh– um– i was just wondering if..." he considers his words, "i was just going to ask if you'd like to dance with me."

you grin, "aw, of course. who am i to decline you?"

"um... i'm no good yet. but hey, what's learning without trying?" he gives a shy smile, getting on his feet pushing up his reading glasses, instead of taking them off. you told him he looked cute in glasses, and he'd look cute nonetheless, but you noticed he wears them more often now.

"what songs go well with the dance you have in mind?" you say, browsing through your cd collection.

"would it be cliché if i said 'cant help falling in love' by elvis presley?" spencer stands slightly behind you, sort of waiting for you.

"yeah... very cliché. but it's okay, i'll play it anyway." you can't help but grin at how anxious he is about nearly everything.

"well, it's because my mother loves that song. well, used to, now she can hardly remember things."

you turn to him once the cd is in place, "you don't need to explain yourself to me, spencer. i like the song." you reassure him, "now... shall we dance?" you hold a hand out.

spencer gladly takes your hand, gladly taking charge. you've never danced before, and it's evident that spencer hasn't either, but strangely, you feel like the ceramic couples spinning together inside a music box.

he closes his eyes, following the rhythm, visualizing the images from the textbook.

what a mind, you think. it would be nice to live inside his brain: to know every thought before it's fully processed, to see what images flash through his mind, to watch the connections between lines from books and quotes an unsub dropped.

on the other hand, you don't know what you're doing. spencer's eyes flutter open and closed every once in a while and he oh-so-softly laughs whenever he commits a mistake. you consider kissing him, but you don't want to interrupt this brilliant mind at work.

once he's comfortable enough with the pace, he leans his forehead on your shoulder, transitioning into slow dancing. you wrap your arms around his waist, and you just melt together.

rocking you back and forth just in time with the rhythm, he whispers in your ear, "you know, waltzing was considered... scandalous back in the day. couples danced in what they called 'closed position,' they were practically, uh, pelvis to pelvis."

you chuckle, giving him a nod. he feels you nod and takes it as a sign he's good to continue.

"yeah, up until the waltzes of strauss, it was deemed inappropriate. i get that, 'the blue danube' is such a beautiful song, it's hard to pass up the opportunity to... y'know..."

reid rambles on, whispering to you all throughout, as if he were professing his love for you. and in his own little way, you knew he was.

he takes a few (many) awkwardly timed steps, and even you can admit your bodies don't flow together seamlessly. but really, it isn't half-bad.

[miscling]

🌻

i love that i still get sunflowers

you've caught me at a pretty wistful time so i'm going to talk about my feelings on being owned, polyamory, and how i feel like a stray.

my basic stance is that i'm not looking to be owned and i don't like possessiveness, but my feelings are actually way more complicated than that. i reblog a ton of posts about being owned and even my last few original posts have had a sort of 'slap a collar on me and make me yours' vibe to them. i yearn for it. i want to give myself completely over to someone. i do want to be owned, but it feels like an unattainable fantasy.

i also can't figure out how it slots into polyamory, and especially the relationship anarchy i've found myself in. i've got five kiddos, a number of play partners some of whom i'd love to give myself to fully, my nesting partner, and at least a dozen people i may well be in love with. how do i let myself be 'owned' in this context? i can't really give myself to just one person, because so many already see me as theirs. in some ways the owner/owned dynamic feels a little bit monogamous, and i can't make a monogamous commitment.

so i feel like a stray, going from door to door to get the play i want without really feeling like anyone is responsible for me except myself. i believe that one must own themselves first: they can give that away to someone, but you can't offer someone something you don't possess first (in other words, you've got to have agency as a sub).

so i want to be owned but i don't know how to make that work. i play a lot, but in those spaces between play sessions i don't feel like i belong to anyone, so i start to feel down sometimes. i don't feel safe or secure and in my more depressed moments, i don't even feel wanted. the ways people own me always comes with a release at the end. if i were to have an owner i'd want someone who can keep up with my kinks and maintain background control of me, but it feels like a *big* ask and a level of commitment for both of us that would be monumental in its undertaking.

in the end, i haven't worked it out yet. i know i want to be owned, but i don't know how to make it work, so it's easier to tell people i don't want to be. it's definitely not something i think that i can start a relationship with, but something that might grow out of one down the line, which is why my default position is that i avoid possessiveness. it's something i want, but i'm not sure if this fantasy can really be a reality.

so this turned into an essay, and not a light one for me either, but it's been on my mind a lot. thanks for giving me a way to get it out and develop my perspective for when i need to talk about it.

(send me a 🌻 to prompt me to write about anything i want to, it'll probably be something kink related though)

[from-the-coffee-shop-in-edoras]

Calling for your expertise on Rohan lore!

By 3018 and early 3019, it must have been quite obvious to Éomer and Théodred (and of course Éowyn) that Gríma was a bad influence on the king and on the Mark in general.

Why did they not... Do something about it? Was he that powerful? Or were they so bound to their allegiance to the king that they could not do much?

I'm feeling a little embarrassed because I can't find a satisfying answer to this and it's turning out to be a problem in my fic. Any ideas, quotes or headcanon to help me get unstuck?

My copy of UT has not arrived yet... Is part of the answer in there?

I hear you on how this is a weird sticking point in the larger Rohan story! And it’s another place where LOTR suffers a little from the absence of Théodred – if he had been in it, we’d have surely gotten some answers to this question because it would have been the focus of his life at that moment. But instead, it’s a big blank space.

That being said…here are a few canonical things (if we count UT as canonical, which I do for the Rohan chapters) that might help as you think about how you want to fill in that blank space:

1. Théodred and Éomer didn’t live in Edoras – Théodred was based at Helm’s Deep and Éomer in Aldburg – and they were both constantly dealing with emergencies in their lands (border raids in the west for Théodred and orc attacks in the east for Éomer). Being so often at a distance and also distracted by the grind of their jobs would have kept them from being able to see everything happening with Gríma up close on a daily basis. So they would know the vibes were off, but they wouldn’t necessarily have a clear sense of exactly why and how.

2. When Gríma failed to turn Théodred and Éomer against each other or the king, he switched to turning Théoden against them instead. So if Éomer and Teddy were falling out of favor with Théoden, that would reduce their access to him and to court and to info in general, and that would then further impact their ability to fully understand what was happening or to take steps against it.

3. Théoden was still the king, and he wanted Gríma around (or, you know, thought that he did). And if that’s the case, what can you really do? You could kill Gríma or run him out of town because you suspect he’s up to no good, but then you’ve committed treason by directly defying the king on a matter of utmost importance. Éomer says in TT that disobeying orders could cost him his life, so that kind of defiance would have been the absolute last resort.

4. The overriding goal of the First Battle of the Fords of Isen was to kill Théodred at all costs. That strongly implies that Gríma/Saruman saw Théodred as a threat that was so significant that they absolutely HAD to eliminate him. And that, to me, further implies that knew Teddy either already had or soon would figure out their game and get a plan in place to oppose them.

So maybe thinking about it in that context will help to spur some ideas for how you personally want to square this circle? Though obviously canon compliance isn’t always the most important consideration, and if any of this messes up other story elements you have in place then it shouldn’t constrain you! I only offer it as food for thought and hope it’s helpful in some way! 🙂

I’ve got my own HC for this whole question, developed as part of an older story I did about Théodred and how he was spending the last few days before his death, but I’ll put that below the cut in case it’s either not of interest or you’d rather not have it influence your own thoughts.

In my story, Théodred and Éomer are obviously aware that Théoden is Not Well, and they also know and are frustrated by the fact that Gríma is giving Théoden lots of shitty counsel about how to deal with the rising threat of Isengard. But they don’t know that those things are connected. To them, the illness afflicting Théoden is an unexplained mystery – one that they’d had every healer in the realm try to remedy, with no success – and Gríma is just a purveyor of ridiculously bad advice rather than someone executing a nefarious strategic plot. So they are each dividing their time between home and Edoras, trying to keep an eye on things, to blunt the worst of Gríma’s bad counsel, and to figure out a way forward. But they’re struggling, and everyone is super stressed out about it all.

When Théodred arrives at Meduseld in late February 3019 to hear that Théoden’s condition has taken a significant turn for the worse, he decides to seek the help of his buddy Boromir with the thought that maybe Gondor’s healers will have an idea of how to cure Théoden. He goes to see his father so that he can observe his latest condition directly, but Gríma has convinced Théoden that Théodred is trying to usurp him and Théoden sends him away. That experience, together with info gained from Éowyn and Háma (both of whom ARE around Théoden and Gríma regularly), allows Teddy to finally put all the various pieces together. [This is multiple chapters compressed into a paragraph, but you know…]

But if Théoden isn’t in his right mind and will let Isengard overpower Rohan as a result, the only way for Teddy to fix things is to do exactly what Gríma had accused him of: seek to take power for himself, at least until Théoden can be healed. Teddy is VERY hesitant to do that. It’s breaking the law, it’s disrespectful of his father, and he’s got no real ambitions to power anyway. But he can’t think of another way, so he decides he’ll do it if he can get the support of all the other significant lords of the land (Éomer, Erkenbrand, Elfhelm, that whole cast of senior leaders).

He writes his letter to Boromir (which, of course, Boromir will never receive because he’s about to die at Parth Galen) and has drawn up a list of everyone whose support he’s going to seek for his attempt to take temporary control of the throne when word arrives that a full-on invasion is about to happen at the Fords and he is needed there for reinforcement. He leaves his fiancee to send the letter to Boromir and to start working on lining up support while he goes to deal with the emergency at the Fords, but he’s tragically killed, which obviously derails the plan. At which point, we hook back into the main narrative where Éomer is kind of flailing on his own…

[sturnstvs]

covid - chris sturniolo

summary: chris hasn't been able to see y/n sense she got covid and has been up with nick however a reunion and a confession is soon.

warnings: use of y/n

requested: no

chris and y/n were inseparable. they were attached at the hip. they were best friends and each others number one supporter. the two hardly ever separated from each other however it was one of those instances. nick had recently gotten covid and being best friends with him, y/n also had gotten it as well being around him and all. unfortunately for her however chris seemed perfectly fine unlike the other three, so they all ended up in their own rooms.

y/n, who usually slept in chris's room more often then not since she moved in with the boys, had to be one of the other boys rooms considering she didn't want to get her best friend sick.

at first he protested in agony not wanting to be away from y/n longer then he had to however his brothers convinced him that it was for the best.

y/n ended up picking nick's room because it was the most preferable. which led them to where they were now.

"how are you feeling with the whole being away from chris thing?" nick asked before turning the camera towards the half asleep girl

"nick shut the fuck up!" y/n goggled

"apparently fine" nick said with a straight face turning towards the vlog

nick had decided that because each of the brothers had to be away from each other they would vlog separately for their wednesday video the following week.

nick was partly better then y/n as he had the sickness a bit before she caught it meaning even though he was still somewhat tired he was also wide awake.

nick was watching rupaul when y/n had awoken from her slumber. he paused the t.v when he heard the covers moving slightly not knowing the girl was awake

"these days have been going by so slow" y/n complained not being able to see her favorite person.

"when are finally going to tell chris you have a crush on him?" nick asked out of the blue

y/n shot up from her spot on the bed hearing this. there was no way she was going to tell chris she liked him anytime soon. it was to much. he probably didn't even like her back. she couldn't ruin a friendship that had taken years to develop. no way.

"never" y/n answered simply

nick laughed at that at first before he noticed the dead pan expression on the girl. 

"oh you're seriously not going to tell him!" nick asked shocked

nick knew his brother liked the girl from the very beginning it was quite obvious and he was surprised y/n hadn't fully caught on. i mean i wasn't like he hide it or anything.

"why would i? i'm not going to ruin a friendship that means the world to me over some silly little crush" y/n expressed confused as to why nick had yet to understand her reasoning.

nick however just sighed turning the previously paused television off, and going to bed. y/n doing the same soon after

meanwhile chris who was sill in his room not with covid, was struggling with sleep. he got so used to y/n sleeping by his side that it was almost uncomfortable to sleep alone. he tossed and turned trying to at least get some sort of sleep which unfortunately he was unsuccessful with.

he couldn't stop thinking about y/n either which was also not helping. he hated to say it but he liked her, more then a friend. he knew this wasn't a good thing with his commitment issues and everything, but unfortunately he couldn't help it.

when he woke up in the morning he had bags under his eyes from the lack of sleep the night before. he thought about it a lot prior and he had come to the conclusion that he needed to tell y/n about his feelings before it was to late. his brothers always said that to, how ironic.

over the next couple of days chris planned out what he might want to say to y/n. from his confession to what they should be. it was all chris could think about that would make it so he didn't lose his mind.

y/n on the other hand was also losing her mind. nick had somehow convinced her to tell chris of her feelings for him. even though she was getting better by each passing second she was getting anxious to what she would say to chris and what he would say in response.

it was currently friday and it was also the day that nick and y/n were able to get out of quarantine. matt had gotten the virus a little later then the other two so he was still in quarantine. 

"I can't believe we're finally done with quarantine, took long enough" nick voiced as him and y/n walked out of the former's room

"I know right, finally fresh air" y/n agreed with a chuckle while nick also laughed in response. 

the two got down to chris's room soon after. y/n was going to tell him now. 

"okay you got this" nick encouraged as y/n knocked on the door.

hearing a knock chris opened the door being faced with y/n and his brother. 

"hey, you guys are quarantine free?" chris asked, hugging both of them 

"yeah, I guess we are" y/n giggled 

"can I uh...can I talk to you" chris asked y/n with a serious face while y/n nodded.

chris sent nick a look telling him to leave so they could talk. the other two walked into chris's room sitting on his bed. 

"okay, I'm just going to go ahead and say it, I'm not going to make a big corny speeh about how much you make me smile and make my heart happy, and how I love that your so amazing with my brothers and how your smile is my favorite thing, ever better then Pepsi, which is a big deal by the way or how-" but before he could say anything else chirs was cut off by a pair of lips on his own. 

the kiss was slow yet gentle and spoke a thousand words. 

"I'm guessing you like me then?" y/n asked nervously 

"are you kidding me of course I like you" chris exclaimed with confusion of why y/n wouldn't think chris liked her. 

y/n just smiled pulling Chris into a hug. they would talk about what they were later all they needed right now were each other. 

note: this honestly sucks ass but this took and insane amount of time and I haven't posted a one shot in forever so here you go.

remember if you wanted to be added to any of my taglists go comment on the post

[loustat-0]

I saw one of your posts about " I don't agree Louis is in Merrick state & suicidal " . I think 90% of the fandom believes that he is . So I'm interested to know why you don't think so ? Do you have any more spoilers?

Well I'm not certain either it's just a feeling & vibe I have .😅

Although after Jacob's tv insider interview where he said " he never thought Louis would be that fucked up at the end " I think the possibility of Merrick is higher as others speculated .

BUT the show would have to change a lot of things about the main characters storylines compared to the books .

1. After Lestat brings back Louis to life after he committed suicide Louis stayed shortly with Lestat & left him feeling resentment towards him & his new powers & went to live with Armand . But AMC Louis already is living with Armand so if Lestat brings Louis back again & all those resentments reach Louis again & Louis goes back to Armand again then I honestly would feel disappointed . Because what about Armand & Daniel ? What about Louis & Lestat ? UNLESS they change this completely & make Louis love & fully hooked on Lestat even though he saves him & makes him a vampire again . Which isn't unlikely because show Louis doesn't seem to hate his powers .

2. Lestat & Louis separated at the end of Merrick . And Lestat went on his other adventures . S3 has to be about Lestat talking about TVL & other stuff . Lestat has to be present in S3 . So if S2 really ends up like Merrick they would need to change this stuff & make Lestat stay & make Louis not leave to go with Armand . Louis has to hear Lestat's side of the story first , if he doesn't fully know yet . And that needs the writers to change Louis's feelings about being made & brought back by Lestat again .

3 . We still aren't sure where Lestat is right now . Is he in Dubai ? And Louis & Armand are watching over him ? ( I don't think so ) Because if he knew he wouldn't have acted so calm & active in a relationship with Armand he would look uncomfortable & regretful in my opinion UNLESS Armand is making Louis feel certain ways to not get overwhelmed with feelings suddenly & Armand is controlling his feelings bursting out .

[separatist-apologist]

Have you talked about the end of the acolyte yet?? What were your thoughts?

I did, and I am still collecting some of them. I'm conflicted. Qimir is incredibly sexy, Osha is also very beautiful and I love seeing them standing next to each other. I would loved it more if we got a full frontal smut scene with peen and boob- for academic purposes only of course.

I do have beef though (under the cut for spoilers):

I am really tired of the misread of what the Jedi are, and the edgy reddit talking points of "attachment GOOD Jedi DUMB" while trying to turn the Jedi into Catholic cops or whatever- that Senators speech was like...you know when you read a fic and you KNOW the author has personal beef with one of the characters? And so they use their fave to deliver the most sanctimonious, out of character rant you've ever read that ruins the whole fic because its like, "they would not say that?" That's how I felt. Okay.

It feels a little like the show runner has beef about the way R*ylo ended and is trying to right those wrongs. I'm terrified to even invoke the ship name because a lot of them are, how do I say this nicely, insane people with no boundaries. Osha's motivations in this episode were all over the place and didn't make sense at all. Killing Sol, for example- that felt out of character to me. Like the 180 that happened with Osha's character, it was like- they knew what they wanted to do, and they needed to get to that point, but like...it didn't make sense with what we'd seen previously

What was Mae's point? I'm asking genuinely because like...her whole arc was reuniting with her sister and then she just lets Qimir wipe her memories of Osha and it's all good?????

Darth Plagueis, my man...you good??????

YODA?????

I admit, the bleeding the kyber crystal was sick as fuck, I was mouth open staring the whole time like you can do that?????

My other thing about like...dark/light side romances- and I'm only gonna say it once as a SW enthusiast and not someone who likes to write these kinds of things- is that the little speech Qimir gives about "desire" is him MANIPULATING her. Time to pull out our power and control wheel for every dark/light side romance and be honest with ourselves. A sith can't love because the nature of the dark side is a craving for power. It's possession. It's more, its excess, its possessive and controlling and a constant urge to take everything you can get, use it up, and discard it when it no longer benefits you. The rule of 2 literally ends with apprentice killing the master and becoming the master himself, taking a pupil, and thus restarting the cycle.

I fully expected him to die, not gonna lie. I'm curious how this is gonna happen but I've shelved all my expectations so I'm not disappointed. I want to say things about the bendemption movement but I won't because I value not being told to end my life- but in the established canon, I genuinely don't see how this relationship plays out. either she kills him and becomes the master, or she moves back to the light and kills him because he doesn't really love her. OR he moves to the light and they're both held accountable for the atrocities they commit when they're evil.

[mcytgirly]

Non talked about opinion, but ‘Cool About It’ by Boy Genius is so desert duo coded and I haven’t seen anyone talk about it. So please take part in me analyzing the lyrics of ‘Cool About It’ to show you why it’s desert duo.

Met you at the dive bar to go shoot some pool (Found each other always, even if unintentionally. Always there to play the games.)

And make fun of the cowboys (ie. ranchers??) with the neck tattoos (I like to think soulmate marks in double life were on their necks.)

Ask you easy questions about work and school (every single small talk they’ve had in the life series since 3rd life)

I'm trying to be cool about it (the two of them literally haven’t mentioned what happened in 3rd life since like double life. I know as actual people their lives didn’t change obviously, but as characters they did. They were completely changed because of that desert, and yet they’re expected to be ‘cool about it’)

Feelin' like an absolute fool about it (idiots in love?? Need I say more.)

Wishin' you were kind enough to be cruel about it (Scar has never once gotten mad at Grian for all the times he’s hurt him. Outside of double life Scar hasn’t even really confronted Grian about it. Yes, Scar said the “you stab a man in the back” and “it’s for your secret soulmate” but he’s never fully been mad at Grian.)

Tellin' myself I can always do without it (I like to think that yes, both Grian and Scar never left the desert. But Grian tried to and failed, just like him trying to convince himself that he doesn’t need Scar. Well Scar never left the desert out of choice, he always goes back to Grian.)

Knowin' that it probably isn't true (Neither of them can do this without each other. Just Grian still tries to get away and Scar hasn’t. They need each other.)

I came prepared for absolution, if you'd only ask (The entirety of third life was the two of them literally against the world. The two of them would go anywhere with each other if the other asked. Literally all of their deaths in double life was an adventure they went on either separately or together.)

So I take some offense when you say, "No regrets" (They both hurt each other, and made each other lose lives. Though Grian pushes away Scar because he doesn’t want to hurt Scar again. Well no matter what Grian does, Scar still goes back! Scar doesn’t regret any of it.)

I remember it's impossible to pass your test (The entirety of every scam Scar has committed. Grian has never fallen for one, it was always Scar who fell for Grians. For example, Scar giving Grian a life in last life, and the entirety of their cactus trade in secret life.)

But I'm trying to forget about it (GRIAN WANTS TO FORGET, SCAR DOESN’T. NEITHER OF THEM EVER DO)

Feelin' like I'm breaking a sweat about it (“Scar put your clothes back on!”)

Wishin' you would kindly get out of my head about it (Grian being the one to tell Scar, “She’s dead Scar. You won.” in Secret life. And the entirety of “the voices want a fight” in third life)

Tellin' myself one day I'll forget about it (Once you win all the tiny details come back, but during the games you remember everything. So Scar remembers third life in last life but not on Hermitcraft. So every single season Grian always hopes he’ll come back and he’ll have forgotten what happened, he’s stuck having every single detail swallow him whole. He wishes he could use his hands again without seeing blood on them. But forgetting meant forgetting those lilacs and poppies, and Grian couldn’t live in a universe where he didn’t remember what those flowers smell like. Scar wishes he could remember everything yearns to never have to forget again, until he then wins secret life and realizes winning is to much to carry. Not when the memories haunt him everywhere and everyday for the rest of his life. He yearns to wake up one morning and forget everything, to never feel that loneliness again, but that would mean forgetting the desert, Scar can’t live in a universe where he doesn’t miss the feeling of sand underneath fingernails.)

Knowin' that it probably isn't true (Though contrary to the prior statement, both of their biggest fears is the other forgetting everything)

Once, I took your medication to know what it's like (After Scar won Scar was able to understand why Grian was so avoidant and never spoke about the life series outside of the games)

And now I have to act like I can't read your mind. I ask you how you're doing and I let you lie (Never apologized outside of 3rd life. They just don’t bring it up, they lie. Just like when Grian asked Scar if he wanted to be friends and Scar HAD to say no because he had to LIE)

But we don't have to talk about it (They never actually talked about what happened outside of the games!! They’ve never fully brought up 3rd life since the beginning of last life. They were never going to talk about it. )

I can walk you home and practice method acting (The both of them act like it doesn’t matter, but it does. It does matter. It eats them alive. It’s what brings them back to each other in every life, is every game, in every universe. They’re just ACTING)

I'll pretend being with you doesn't feel like drowning (Whenever they’re around each other they just have the memories of everything before this. They would forever be trapped by the memories of every moment they’ve ever been together. They will always go back. They will always feel like they’re drowning.)

Tellin' you it's nice to see how good you're doing. Even though we know it isn't true (They just want life to go back to how it was before. They’re just idiots in love. They just want to be a part of each others lives. They hate each other, they love each other more than anything. They want to be a part of each others days, yet they’re going to betray each other in ever lifetime. They’re going to avoid each other for the rest of their existence, they’re going to find each other again in EVERY SINGLE LIFETIME.)

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

[utilitycaster]

I'm so kdhdkdjdkd jazzed about the fjorester proposal !!!! But something that popped up pretty immediately that baffled me was these like... cope posts i guess? Of how "beau and jester should cheat leaving their partners for eachother and how dw guys marriage is just going to spice up the inevitable affair" and it's not even treated as a joke and Im just confused? Like i got into cr2 by the time it was over with so idk what it was like waiting for releases, but why after all this time do people hold on as much as they do? Do they like the story or not?

So I will be totally honest: I am not above checking the blogs of those I know hold terrible opinions, for a number of reasons both reasonable (keeping an eye out for potential harassment; inspiration for meta; my genuine enjoyment of analyzing fandom trends) and less so (schadenfreude and sending DMs that say Can You Believe This Idiot) but I actually have not seen this! To be clear, I would not be surprised it was out there - heaven knows this was a refrain during late Campaign 2 and in the leadup to the two-shot - but I thought that most people finally gave up in late 2022 after the two-shot made it clear the existing relationships are still very much in place. Granted I, as always, rarely go on Twitter.

Anyway. I think some of it is just that people whose enjoyment of works hinges on their ships becoming canon, rather than that being one of many facets to their fandom, also tend to not know when to give up just generally (you can look around this website and still find people hopping mad and/or pining for resolution regarding shows that ended before Campaign 2 even started). I think most of them did finally give up and leave, which is probably healthier for both them and the fandom, but there will probably be a dwindling number of holdouts who will gasp out on their deathbed fifty years hence "Beau and Jester should have been together" to a politely confused hospice nurse.

To actually answer your question, no, they do not like the story. I know I've been very hard on people who seem to only be able to enjoy fiction through a lens of either shipping or intense projection of the self onto existing characters, but in my defense, I'm right. This is a whole separate post, which to be honest I've kind of already made several times, but the usual complaint about the Campaign 2 noncanon ships (echoed in the complaints about Campaign 3 primarily by those who do like the canon ships thereof) was that they would have happened and been flawless and perfect but for that Pesky Plot, ie, the story. Unless the entire point of a story is a romance (eg: the genre that is cleverly titled "Romance") romance is always optional.

I also think, to be honest, Campaign 2 attracted people who were patient. This is a good thing! I think that, for example, people who are not entirely feeling Campaign 2 13 episodes in are valid, because I was similarly enjoying myself but not entirely won over by the plot yet, and it was only a combination of that patience and the burgeoning character dynamics that kept me going (plus the fact that watching week to week is a lower commitment than a binge). Granted I think if you fully give up at that point you are weak and will not survive the winter and should probably go watch Michael Bay movies or Bluey, but that's a separate point. Anyway. Some people are patient beyond a point where it is rewarding or even neutral and pass into a realm of showing up to the Story That Has Fjorester and Beauyasha In It muttering "I hope this doesn't have any fucking Fjorester and Beauyasha". I don't know how to help them, nor do I particularly want to, but I do know that not going on Twitter has been super helpful.

One final note: again, haven't seen the thing you mention in your ask yet in relation to this one-shot and not for lack of poking around Tumblr at least; but I have seen people who were deeply bitter about Campaign 2 but are still around for Campaign 3, though not a ton, and this was also frankly true of people who loved Campaign 1 and have not really cared since but still stick around. There's a weird zombie problem in the fandom; you get people who are very invested in being a fan of Critical Role and can't seem to leave, but haven't actually been happy for literal years, either because they were ultimately only fans of Vox Machina, or the Mighty Nein, or a specific ship within that. It is actually something I try to be cognizant of because I was very cautious about becoming that during the stretch when I was more frustrated by Campaign 3 than I am now. I think, ultimately, it's a conflation of one's fandom with one's external identity and I don't know how that happens or how to fix it but that might also be a factor: people who really don't like the show and haven't for years and are grasping at a thing they think would fix that and make them happy again, and refuse to admit it might be time to move on because that would mean they need to change their conception of themselves.

[daybreakrising]

something i wanna talk about bc it's been on my mind for a while (largely due to the plotting & discussion that's been going on recently & the meta i wrote on the subject) - poly ships

now i will always encourage people to explore poly ships (poly > shitty love triangles always) if that's something they think their muse(s) would be seeking, but i want to stress that poly relationships are not for everyone, and that's okay

i have two poly muses on my roster (so far), both with very healthy outlooks - and by that i mean, they are 100% comfortable with that dynamic. there's no insecurity, no jealousy, no negative feelings at all towards the idea of them or their partner(s) being involved with other people, and that's how it should be. if you want to explore a poly dynamic with your muse, and you find that said muse feels insecure or jealous at the prospect of their partner/s also being involved with someone else... then that muse is probably not suited to that dynamic.

for example, with my two poly muses: i have b.eisht, who has fully committed herself to o.sial for eternity, will always and forever return to him, but they both seek other partners (and though it hasn't happened yet, i'm sure they'd be happy to share the same one too) and actively encourage each other to do so. there isn't an ounce of jealousy in b.eisht's bones (though she will be a menace to his partners because it's fun). and then there is y.ingxing, who gives a maximum total of 0 fucks about who his partners are involved with (if anyone) as long as they still hold his hand too.

now i'm not saying there can't be tension at any point - all relationships have tension. it's realistic, it's normal. relationships aren't always soft and fluffy and perfect every single second of every single day. partners argue, they clash, they fight. they have differing opinions. they make mistakes. and i'm sure that in poly dynamics that still applies, because that's normal. but if it becomes a case of your muse wanting multiple partners, but doesn't want those partners to get involved (either with each other, or with someone outside that relationship) because of how it makes them feel, then that's putting forward a double standard that is unfair and unhealthy, particularly if they are the one initiating that dynamic in the first place, and that can get very uncomfortable for all involved.

there is nothing wrong with holding up a hand and saying: actually, this isn't working for my muse after all, can we discuss this and/or put a stop to it and come up with something else. poly is great in theory but, as i said, isn't for everyone. for example, my y.ingxing is absolutely comfortable in a polycule, but blade is not. i would never force blade into a dynamic that i know he wouldn't be comfortable in, because it's not fair for all sides.

i just. i just want people to write healthy poly ships and not fall into the temptation of drama, bc poly ships (and people) already get judged harshly and unfairly and the rpc doesn't need to add to that

[gunsli-01]

Hey, personal life update.

Yeah so I started to get to know this person from a fandom if you follow my sideblog you know which one. Ultimately this person and their significant others consistent mistreatment of me made me hate myself talking about milgram or doing anything. I was consistently stressed and anxious around them and in a state of hypervigilence/anxiety for several months. It wasn't just due to these two though. I also had issues in real life before getting involved with this fandom.

That friends know about already and can be picked up on from the ways I discuss media generally. Along with my general concerns when it comes to fandom. However, these people's just overall hopeless and ableist dsposition really only made my situation worse. As one would weaponize or site everyones diagnoses as reasons for their inability to do anything right. In a way that implied to me that nothing could be done about it because, well, you've got x, so it's better to not even try.

Came off as really just accept you're not capable of x because you're y. The other was just a conflict avoidant individual who ghosted me multiple times and left their significant other to speak on their behalf. Who told me and Star to just not talk to them. So that's what Star and I decided to do earlier this week. So why am I saying this. I'm not one to really regret my behavior and in hindsight considering all the personal shit I was going through I can understand why I was being so defensive and antsy about talking about or even doing anything I enjoyed.

Because it wasn't just fandom stuff, I really wasn't enjoying doing anything. Because I didn't know when or how this person would pop up or if things were fine when they'd just go to being shitty again. I do want to note this as a reminder to myself as what not to do in the future. While working out what caused it.

Honestly, the environment was bad, and the only thing I could do was try to get through it. I had no motivation to continue personal projects or share them. This impacted the idea to make videos out of theories, and I generally had no interest in doing anything. Plus, I was very actively suicidal for all those months. However, since having a more open discussion with Star and her looking over the ways these individuals treated me then going oh yeah that's fucking abusive block them.

I really felt unwelcome and at times downright harrassed in the fandom I was involved with. I was incredibly isolated, and whenever I wrote something on the thing, I was made to feel like I was committing a crime. These two didn't say things that made me feel like that, but their actions did things that made me feel worse. So, just noting as a fully grown adult with a good support system how fucking harmful, isolating, and demeaning people online can be. Along with the longterm and unseen impact it can have on a person.

Along with her helping me go through the process of cutting them off. I've been feeling optimistic about talking with others about the things I love and setting boundaries or stating how I would like to be treated. Something I was anxious about doing for a time because when I would state those things, it'd either go ignored or they'd seemingly actively do what I asked them not to in order to test my feelings for them.

I recognize this may just be how I feel about this or perceived it to be. Which is fine they could have a completely different perception. Yet it doesn't change the fact that their actions hurt me regardless of their intent. And I don't need an apology because the best apology to myself is not constantly feeling on edge, waiting for the next shoe to drop or to hear what I did wrong this time. And instead like talk about shit I like with people who don't treat me like trash because they don't know how to not do that.

But yeah, this treatment impacted how I responded to certain events in fandom and my lack of patience with others exhibiting the same behavior in a space I was trying to relax in. Honestly, I did my best in the circumstances I was in, which was under consistent immense stress. So, I'm proud of myself there. I guess I'm just disappointed that people really can just say I love you and treat you like shit. Actively watch how their behavior impacts you and basically celebrate that you're hurting because at least you're hurting together.

Some people really are just assholes to themselves and then perpetuate that treatment on anyone else they happen to run into. Sucks but I'm feeling better.

[infiniteglitterfall]

How are you holding up? I ask because I'm only, like, addressing antisemitism that leaks to my dash with every term related to Palestine I can think of blacklisted. And i'm like. Barely crlinging to fragile sanity. I hope you are better equipped to handle the stresses of this ongoing disinformation campaign. You're doing good and important work, which you must know, but I want to re-emphasize it.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

i swear to god I thought there was a way to reply privately to asks, but apparently either there isn't or I don't have the patience to find it again.

I think that you're describing how most Jews with any connection to social media feel.

The good thing, in a way, is that researching and fact-checking is my major coping mechanism. Researching and rebutting and arguing with people until I understand everything well enough to be pithy about it. Creating ways for other people to defend themselves and to push back. Doing the research to know when I'm right helps me a lot.

I'm probably as well-equipped for this as I can imagine being (that's not really true, I should be talking to people more about it and using 12-step tools to deal with it and gosh some therapy would be nice), and like... there have still literally been times when I've been triggered for an entire week by this shit.

Most notably: the time when I saw a clip on my TikTok fyp from some podcast where some journalist fully got all dressed up and prepared to go on camera, to say that she could imagine there were a few individual rapes on Oct 7 -- although she wasn't aware of any -- but that certainly there was no evidence of systematic rape, and that saying there had been systematic rape was dehumanizing propaganda.

Like. If you can't even take one minute to google whether there had been individual rapes before you go on camera. And you haven't heard of them two months after the fact. Then you don't know enough to talk about this, period. That makes you the very opposite of an expert on the subject. And yet, that is who gets platformed. Ignorant randos who have no personal connection to any of this.

I literally knew there had been gang rapes by Hamas within the first week of the massacre. Because I cared enough to do a search for eyewitness testimony of the massacre, and I found an interview on PBS immediately.

Or, more accurately: it was because it slowly sank in that the attack had been MASSIVE. 22 kibbutzim leveled in one day, hands-on, without an airplane or mortar shell involved. All those people killed the way you would kill a horde of zombies: burned alive, or shot and then mutilated, or cut up and then shot. Like they needed to double-tap, to make sure no one was coming back around.

Two years of planning. Almost half a billion dollars in funding from Iran. Detailed guides even to the dentist's offices and kindergartens and grocery stores they were invading.

And it was very plain to, I think, nearly every Jew on earth that this was an attack aimed at Jews. Even before any recordings of attackers saying "I'm inside with the Jews" or "I killed 10 Jews with my own hands" even came out. Even though everyone else was denying it from the moment it happened.

And I felt compelled to learn more about what happened.

To KNOW.

To bear witness.

Even before it became apparent started to seem like the rest of the world would rather die themselves than bear witness to us. Even before it became apparent that Hamas had been telling people Israel would commit genocide in response before its fighters even left that country.

A reasonable person, imho, would ask why the fuck Hamas would commit such atrocities if if thought Israel would respond by killing every Palestinian in Gaza.

The Palestinians in Gaza are certainly fucking demanding to know why the hell Hamas thinks it gets to start a war on them, why its leaders get to hide out and evacuate their families while demanding civilians bleed and die for it, and why it doesn't goddamn turn itself in and give back the hostages.

But anyway.

But that's the thing. I looked it up because I was compelled to. I identified with the people attacked. I needed to know what had happened to us.

That's something outsiders would only do if they were allies.

We know, now, that we don't have allies on the left.

I've seen post after post after post, hundreds and hundreds of comments, on Jewish Reddit, asking if other progressives are okay. Asking, "how are you dealing with rejection by the left??" Asking if others are also shocked and confused and betrayed. Talking about how many friends they've lost who went masks-off antisemitic. So many people who've had to end long-term relationships when their partners went masks-off.

There's usually at least one politically conservative Jew in the comments laughing wryly and going, "wow, you really thought you were safe?"

Sometimes they ask why we're on the left if everyone there wants to kill us. Then we defiantly point out that it's not any different on the right. Or that we're not going to abandon our political beliefs for anyone.

Anyway.

I didn't even watch the podcast clip past that moment.

I ragequit. I went to the file of eyewitness testimonies I'd already put together, after weeks and weeks of denial. (And by "file," I mean "draft in gmail, because it saves automatically, and it's easy to find, and i don't know why it's better than google docs or dropbox paper, but it just is.")

I took the clearest, most authoritative ones and put them into their own document -- which i did make in dropbox lol.

I duetted the video, or whatever the fuck the one is in tiktok where you just take 5 seconds from one video and the rest is your own. It's not duetting. Idk.

It was the middle of Hanukkah. I recorded a video where I read each of however many testimonies I had, and lit a candle before each one. It was almost 10 minutes long, even though I made them as short as I could.

I didn't post it.

I was triggered all to hell for a whole week. I was staying up till 3 or 4 in the morning, researching horrifying rape testimonies, arguing with people on the internet, then sleeping too little and too late, then doing it again.

Watching myself lose a whole week to this. Knowing I couldn't do anything about it. Half-angrily, half-numbly thinking about how I couldn't afford to lose this much job search time, this much unfucking-my-life time. How I couldn't afford to have people I didn't even know fuck up my life even more.

And the bitch of it all is that the tone of the discourse makes me strongly suspect that if we said, "hey everyone needs to walk it back, you guys are deeply fucking up the mental health of pretty nearly the entire Jewish community," people would just respond by angrily telling us anti-Zionism is not antisemitism, mockingly saying that's what Zionists deserve.

Thanks for asking <3

[shamrock313]

Evan and Natalie (Nov 3)

Back again doing a reading on these crazies. Anyway, please remember to take everything you read with a grain of salt. This is for entertainment purposes. Enjoy!

Please note that I completed my reading at 8:40PM, so between now and when this gets posted things could change.

Evan Mindset: 6oC - Nostalgia. Remembering and/or missing how things use to be. If we're talking about a relationship, he may miss the familiarity of it. This could be you know who, I'm not saying he misses her, but he might miss the genuine feelings he use to have. Of course, this doesn't have to come from YKW but from other past girlfriends.

"Reliving happy memories". Going to places / events that scream an exes name. Basically you take people to places you use to go with an ex. Will it be the same or different?

Career: 4oP - "Insecure, overthinking, paranoia, avoiding collab". I'm not sure what he's doing other than living his life. He could be working from NYC to get ready idk but there's something or someone that's putting him on edge rn. Could be some disagreements like for example: "Great idea Evan! Let's try this instead, we'll keep what you said on the backburner though".

Could be Ryan or another male figure in high leadership position. Could also be a woman with masculine energy or unisex name. (ex. Casey, Courtney, Taylor, Dana, Alex, Avery, Parker or names like Dominic/Dominique, Daniel / Daniela).

Oracle: Guardian - Someone is watching over him or he needs to take care of himself. Focus on himself and his needs. Protective layer around himself or his personal life.

Love Life: 6oP (Up and R) + 6oW + 3oS - This is like a tightrope. On one hand, all is good, but then there's this hesitation. To me 6oP is like a "transaction". That's how I see it. Its like a "I do this for you, you do this for me". It's also a give and take. One person could be putting more work in than the other (which we've seen in past readings). If you don't understand it's like let's say I help Evan write/revise a script for two hours, in return, I would like him to help me with chores or decorating the house. There are positive feelings in here, supporting each other, but there's still past baggage and tension that hasn't been resolved. Imbalance. Literally just picture him on a tightrope, he can either allow himself to fall off or make it to the other side. He's taking small steps.

Oracle: Crush, Family + Pay Attention to the Red Flags, 3rd Party Situation - Don't be surprise is we get holiday photos, there is a bond, there is infatuation. He is cautious and aware of things being off. As for 3rd Party that could be friends/family in his ear or the fans. It can be many things coming in between him and Nat.

What do fans think of his ongoing with Nat: 5oS (Rev) + Justice = Everyone is divided. We all knew that. Many can see the tension even those who aren't fans. On one hand, there's the sense of hoping this won't be a bad relationship. Hope these two can work what they have going on, but on one hand there is fairness. Trying to figure out if this relationship they have going on is fair and worth it.

Person A: I care, yet I'm side eyeing this

Person B: I don't know them. Let's not give in. Stop.

Nat Mindset - 4oC (Up and Rev) - There's a mix. (Up) Boredom, uninterested, unfulfilled, stagnation, disillusion. (Rev) Look to new opportunities, ways to do/be better, self-awareness.

Nat Love Life: 2oC - "encouraging each other to do their best / supporting each other" Feels she can (potentially) grow from this relationship. Emotionally invested and has a lot of hope.

Oracle: Committed + Take a Leap of Faith - So, these match up perfectly with 2oC. Despite all the bad, she's willing to jump in and fully invest and hopes he does the same. It's a risk. A big one.

Nat relationship with his fans: 4oS, 9oS, World = With the 4oS + 9oS, that's not good. Tension, anxiety, sleepless nights, constant worrying, pressure. There's a lot of stress and insecurity. For World, she can accept this loss as if accepting there's nothing she can do, Just accept defeat. We can also see this as her finding closure (turning off comments and not responding to fans). Or just simply trying to find a balance that works for her without her going overboard.

Oracles: Patience, Air Sign, Communicate: If she can not give in, she will be okay.

How Does Karlie Kloss feel about this: I'm not going to add my cards, but she has mix feelings too about this. Bit uncertain about this pairing, but she's trying to be nice about it. Thinks they have potential but she knows when to look away and not get too involved.

Overall: Knight of Cups (Up and Rev) + Hierophant = It's back and forth as always. There's infatuation, charming each other, supporting each other, but there's always someone who is becoming emotional distance. I swear they remind me of the college couple that use to argue on the stairwell next to my room. One minute they're at each other throats and two days later they are having lunch. I will say they are at least trying to find some structure. It's gonna take a whilllllllllllllllle for this to happen so good luck to them.

Oracles: Forgive and Release, Engagement + Moving = Compromise. Work things out. Forgive and forget. Engagement isn't what you all thinks it means. It's just another way of saying they are trying. Moving as we know is about "moving in with partner or changing location" but while I had time to learn, it goes into engagement as again trying to find a way to move into the next steps. Again, they got a long journey to go on to make this happen. It's going to be tiresome.

Are they dating or FWB? So, back in my reading from Coachella I put down, that they could be FWB with Evan potentially going to NY and meeting up with her for sexual reasons. The cards I had come out for this reading didn't give me a clear answer. Very much a grey area. Here's what I will say. If I were to ask Evan is he dating, because he doesn't know me, he will say yes, but for other people depending on how close he is with them, he'll say yes or no. I said waaaaay back in the Jon Bass reading (which I think got taken down) that it all depends on how he introduces her. Ladies, if he calls you his friend, jump ship. Vice versa.

Nat is very well aware (since May, I keep saying this) that there is issues. For her she keeps getting mixed signals. She's pushing things to the back of her head. The more it hits, it becomes clearer to her. She's holding onto potential but there is still underlying issues that need to be address.

[ladymorghul]

It's really funny that Helaemond is still so hated by many greens and is often mentioned as a possible reason that could even make them stop watching the show. Ofc, I doubt they would stop watching it, they're mostly being dramatic. But still, making Helaemond canon by the showrunners would be, apparently, the worst thing ever🙄 and would irreparably ruin the greens.

However, these haters almost always ignore the fact that if any ship could ruin or seriously harm not only the greens but the show in general, it's Rh*enicent. And I really have an impression that the showrunners' idea of Rh*enicent is the one most TB fans have: the one where Alicent is constantly apologetic and subservient to Rhaenyra at the expense of her own family. Idk if those leaks are true, but even the possibility of Alicent and Rhaenyra's meeting at Dragonstone in the season finale irritates me. And the funny thing is, it really could happen given the show's nonsensical pushing of the ship that lost any meaning after the time skip. The seeds are unfortunately planted in episodes 8 and 9. But no, Helaemond is the biggest problem for the greens' storylines, according to my fellow greens. Right. Honestly, even though I would really like to see Helaemond happen on screen (in my version of Helaemond the children are still Aegon's, at least the twins), I don't have much hope anymore. I'm almost sure, however, that we'll see a lot of Rh*enicent inspired nonsense. I mean, what indelible harm could Helaemond possibly do to the greens? Imo it could (if done right ofc) only give more depth and complexity to Helaena and Aemond's characters. If the children's paternity and legitimacy is the problem for the antis (since some of green fans desperately want Helaena to be morally superior to Rhaenyra and a good and faithful wife™️ to Aegon no matter what) the children could still be Aegon's because Helaemond doesn't automatically mean that Jaehaerys and Jaehaera are Aemond's bastards. And Rh*enicent? I don't see how it could be good for the show since it would only further ruin Alicent for the reasons I mentioned above and wouldn't be helpful to Rhaenyra's character either. The pushing of that ship will only perpetuate the "evil patriarchy, evil men, poor manipulated women" narrative, which is honestly quite insulting and oversimplified for the story like this. And still, even Rh*enicent is more welcome in green spaces than Helaemond. Why, I'll never understand.

Sorry for this long rant.

hello.

you are so right and i very much agree with everything you said. everyone who follows my blog knows that i talked about this a million times and i did acknowledge and address some of the fears the greens have when it comes to helaemond but it's also hard to ignore the double standard and hypocrisy, just like you point out.

also rhaen*cent isn't just welcomed in green spaces, a huge chunk of the greens fandom ships them which is laughable for them to then turn around and talk about how helaemond would ruin the greens. rhaen*cent, from green fandom pov, doesn't even get 1/10 of the shit helaemond gets.

as for hopes for helaemond... i would write it off completely yet. unlike the fans of one certain ship who always claim they know what will happen, i can't claim the same. i'm not a writer for the show, i don't know what they have planned, but i have a feeling there could be a possibility of more helaemond in season 2. personally i will wait and see, these writers are not exactly consistent so who knows what to expect for them but if anything helaemond in season 1 was written with clear romantic subext and intent.

when it comes to rhaen*cent, we will certainly see more of it. they are very set on focusing on this ship so i fully expected it to be central to the story going forward, regardless of whether i like it or not. it sucks from many povs but i am fully aware that the writers are committed to this.

the claim that they'll stop watching if helaemond is canon... i mean it's their choice and they should do so if they want to but it's amusing because first of all, a lot of them will tune in regardless and this is all bark (remember when people were saying they won't watch hotd because of got s8? right...), but even if they don't, they are a very small portion of hotd audience and it won't really matter.