#though i still gotta go to my evening class đ
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Whumptober Day 23: Forced Choice
Public Display + "I'm doing this for you."
2326 Words; Discolored
TW for mind control, loss of autonomy, emotional abuse
AO3 ver
âHold still, Guppy.â
Branch rolled his eyes as Bella repeated the same warning, claw polish brush held in her paw. His paw rested in hers on the table, his claws spread wide so she could paint over the chipped pink paint with bright silver. Branch had fought her on this, consistently pulling his paws away the moment she had brought out the bottle of polishâ
And Bella had ended the argument with a snap of her fingers and activation of the bracelet, forcing Branch to hold his paws out and let her paint his claws.
The bracelet was no longer active, nowâbut Branch wasnât stupid enough to make the same mistake twice.
âWe took turns naming all of you.â Bella commented, painting the last of Branchâs claws. âI named Dory and Clay, and Daffy named Spruce and Floyd.â She blew on Branchâs claws, capping the bottle of polish. âI never actually got to name you, thoughâDory had chased us off before your egg hatched.â
âFascinating.â Branch commented, scathing. He really wanted to smack his paw against something, smear the bright silver painted over the pink Poppy had painted on months agoâ
(the pink that Branch had been hoping to get touched up soonâ)
But he knew that if he tried, Bella would probably just use the bracelet to hold him still while repainting them all over again.
Bella hummed as she put the polish away, either not catching or not caring about Branchâs sarcasm. âI wouldâve named you Robin.â She continued, grabbing blush. âFor your blue shell, and the way it made me think of the snatches of the sky between the bars of the cage.â
Branch shifted uncomfortably. Reminders of the Troll Tree during the days of Trollstice always put a bitter taste in the back of his throat. And his parents had spent the majority of their lives in that caged tree, so unlike his short four yearsâ
âI still think Lily would have been the better name.â Daffy commented, as Bella started applying the blushâas though the fur dye wasnât enough. âMy sweet Belody here was named for Atropa belladonna, and youâd have been named for Amaryllis belladonna if Dory hadnât chased us offââ
âDear,â Bella cautioned, âIt wasnât your turn.â She finished up with the blush, leaning back to survey her work while Branch fought the urge to slam his face against the table.
âAt least my names had a theme.â Daffy sniffed. He started waving his paws as he spoke, âWe could have had Juniper, Spruce, Chrysanthemum, Floyd, and Lily, but nooooo,â his tail smacked the floor, âyou just had to go and name our sons after fish and dirt!â
Bella scoffed, makeup forgotten as she whirled around to face Daffy. âOh, please! The individuality of John Dory, Storm, Clay, Firefly, and Robin would have been so perfect for differentiating them as boy band membersââ Her tail lashed out, forcing Branch to duck under it as it swiped past, âbut noooo, someone just had to want all plant names!â
âAll plant names would have tied the family together!â Daffy argued, leaning in close.
âElemental names would have worked better for branding!â Bella argued back, her face inches away from Daffyâs. They glared at each other, tails lashing as they pressed in closeâ
Branch ducked away the moment their lips met, pointedly not looking at where his parents were furiously making out. âI hate it here.â He muttered, wondering if heâd manage to make it to the door without either of them noticing.
Probably not, given his luck.
+=+=+=+=+
âNow, remember the steps, and donât mess up.â Bella reminded, adjusting Branchâs sunglasses. âAnd make sure to sing your heart out!â She added, finally deciding that the sunglasses were to her liking.
âArenât you just going to control me with that bracelet?â Branch asked. He felt heavy, weighed down by the dye and makeup and fancy vest and pants he had been dressed up in. He didnât want to be paraded aroundâbut Bella was literally right next to him, bracelet wrapped firmly around her wrist. There was no way he could run now.
âTwo minutes to show time!â Daffy announced, taking a peak out onstage. He pulled back, waving his paw in a so-so motion. âCrowd could be biggerâŠâ
âWell, it is his first show.â Bella commented, grabbing Branch by the shoulders to turn him this way and that, looking for any last-minute adjustments sheâd need to make. âOur little superstar will be drawing in crowds once theyâve heard him sing.â She booped Branchâs nose, making him recoil and bare his teeth at her. âOnce they hear that âfalsetto made of goldâ, theyâll be buying tickets in droves!â She giggled, reaching for Branchâs tail to adjust the bracelet she had put on the endâreplacing the bracelet Poppy had given him.
âThatâs right!â Daffy crowed, smacking Branch on the back encouragingly. Branch stumbled forwards, and Daffy slung his arm over Branchâs shoulders. âYouâre gonna do just perfect, Sprout!â
âWonderful.â Branch grit out. Maybe he should try running for it; if he made enough of a scene they might cancel the showâ
âOne minute to showtime!â Bella called out, bracelet lighting up. Branch seized as all the threads in his body went taut, his own bracelet tightening around his wrists. She pushed him towards the curtain, his legs unwillingly walking him over there, and gave his hair one last once-over with the comb.
âAlright, folks!â Daffy announced via a megaphone, âItâs time for the show you paid for! Get your hair and paws ready for Robiiinnnnn Lilyyyyyyyyyy!â The audience cheered, and Branch took a moment to look at the crowdâmaybe fifty or seventy Trolls at most. Which actually was pretty small. It looked like it was mostly Pop Trolls, with the occasional Rock or Funk in the crowd.
The music started up, and Branch took the stage, body moving along to the tug and pull of the strings. His mouth opened of Bellaâs accord, and he started to sing. âI was there to witness / Candaceâ inner business,â He followed the dance exactly as it had been rehearsed, no room for error in the way he was being puppeted. âShe wants the boys to notice / her hairbows and harmonies.â He spun, tail flicking to the beat. âShe was educated / but could not count to ten / now sheâs got lots of different verses / from lots of different men.â Every note ripped from his throat was agony, layering over itself until Branch felt too hoarse to possibly be singing as well as he was. âAnd I say: liberate your sons and daughters!â
Iâm not here willingly! Liberate ME!
âThe cage is high / but in the hole thereâs water.â
Iâm caged! Iâm caged inside my own damn body!
Surely there was something in his eyes giving that away, right? Or even just the fact that he was doing this, this whole performance thing, with Poppy nowhere in sightâthat had to be a big enough clue that something was wrong, right?
âYou can get some / when they give it / nothingâs sacred, but itâs a living!â It felt like his face was going to split apart, skin stretched too wide around his grin. He didnât miss a step as he danced, and the audience cheered as he hit the chorus.
âHey, ho! Here she goes! / Either a little too high / or a little too low!â Branch was singing his heart out, like Bella had told him tooâcompletely against his will. âGot no self esteem and vertigo / âcause she thinks sheâs made of candy!â
Was⊠was this song about Poppy? This wasnât the first time Branch had wondered, but it wasnât like he could do anything else while his body and voice kept going at Bellaâs command. It better not be about PoppyâBranch might actually need to whittle a stick to stab his mother with if it was. âHey, ho! Here she goes! / Either a little too loud / or a little too close / got a hurricane at the back of her throat / âcause she thinks sheâs made of candyyyy~â The music slowed down a bit, and Branchâs dancing slowed to match. Thenâ
âRing a ring of roses / whoever gets the closest,â The music picked up as the second verse hitâthe audience was really excited, now, dancing in tune with the beat like they couldnât quite help itâwhich they probably couldnât. It was a deep-seated nature to dance along; Branch had long struggled to bury that urge during his gray years. âShe comes and she goes / as the war of the roses. // Father was a victim / Mother played the system / By dancing quick to Mixton / and singing songs to children.â
Wait. Wasnât Mixton a district in the Troll Tree? Was this song about Bella? Oh, ewww, now that Branch could see the connection it was so clearly a love song. Not the nicest of love songs, but Branch had seen enough of his parents to know that this was right up Daffyâs alley. Hairdammit.
Canât you see Iâm not having fun? He wanted off this rollercoaster ride!
âLiberate your sons and daughters! / The cage is high / but in the hole thereâs water!â One might wonder how Branch had never realized what this song was about before now. The answer was simple: heâd pointedly ignored the words that Bella forced him to sing. âAs you will / sheâll be the whole of her love,â
And also he didnât want to know what garbage his parents were making him belt outâbut it was hard not to focus on the words here, when ignoring them or the dance meant focusing on the crowd of Trolls watching him be puppeted around in front of them like it was normalâ
âAnd if it donât feel good,â It didnât! Every part of Branchâs body hurt from being wrenched around by the strings! âWhat are you doing it for?â He was only doing this because his body and voice werenât his own right now!
âNow tell me: hey, ho! Here she goes! / Either a little too high / or a little too low! / Got no self-esteem and vertigo / âcause she thinks sheâs made of candy!â Oh, Troll, the audience was eating this up, as though Branch wasnât about to cryânot that he could, with the damned strings tugging at his face and pulling it into a grin. âHey, ho! Here she goes!â The audience was gleefully singing along, now, the whole small theater filled with a chorus chanting, âEither a little too loud / or a little too close / got a hurricane in the back of her throat / âcause she thinks sheâs made of candy!â The music didnât quite slow down, and neither did Branch, his tail keeping the beat as the song continued.
âLiberate your sons and daughters! The cage is high / but in the hole thereâs water! / As you will, sheâll be the whole of her loveââ
Câmon, please, why canât you realizeâ
But it didnât matter. None of the audience could see past the grin on Branchâs face. They sung along instead, enjoying the music as any Troll would, getting so revved up that Branch wanted to curl up in a hole and cry.
ââand if it donât feel good / what are you doing it for?â As long as that bracelet clung to Branchâs wrist, his body and voice werenât his own. The notion would make him feel sick if he didnât already want to vomit.
âWhat are you doing it for? / What are you doing it for?â Hair above, Branch felt fake.
âWhat are you doing it for? / What are you doing it for?â Like some cheap little dollâ
âWhat are you doing it for? / What are you doing it for?â âdoing a cheap little dance.
âWhat are you doing it for?â Troll, Branch wished he wasnât doing it at all.
âWhat are you doing it for?â Branchâs tail slapped the stage as the bridge transitioned into the refrain one last timeâ âHey, ho! Here she goes! / Either a little too high / or a little too low! / Got no self-esteem and vertigo / âcause she thinks sheâs made of candy! / Hey, ho! Here she goes! / Either a little too loud / or a little too close! / Got a hurricane in the back of her throat / âcause she thinks sheâs made of candy!â The song was nearing its end nowâit couldnât come fast enough. âHey, ho! Here she goes! / Either a little too high / or a little too low! / Got no self-esteem and vertigo / âcause she thinks sheâs made of candy! / Hey, ho! Here she goes! / Either a little too loud / or a little too close! / Got a hurricane in the back of her throat / âcause she thinks sheâs made of candy!â The music finally wound down entirely, the audience cheering and clapping as Branch bowed against his will. At least it was overâno, wait, Daffy was lifting the megaphone again and the bracelet was still activeâ
âAmazing!â Daffy crowed, the general enthusiasm of the audience. âBut Robin Lilyâs no one-genre hack!â The crowd got a little less enthusiastic as confusion took place. Daffy simply continued, voice carrying across the little theater, âPop is fantastic, of course! But itâs not the only kind of music, is it?â The Pop Trolls nodded in confused agreement, while the Funk and Rock were a little louder. âNo, itâs not! But Robin Lily sees no need to stick to one genre!â Daffyâs voice picked up as Bella slinked onstage to hand a guitar to Branch, who slung the strap over his shoulder at her command, âSO LETâS HEAR SOME ROCKâNâROLL! YEAHHHHH!â
The music picked up again, the beat heavier, harsher. Branchâs paws found their way to the guitar, pick suddenly in hand, his mouth opening up to singâ
Oh. Oh no. And of course, none of the audience realized he wasnât doing this willinglyâ
The song started, and Branch sang perfectly, playing his guitar like heâd been born to play it.
He didnât have any other choice.
#whumptober2024#no.23#public display#''i'm doing this for you''#dreamworks trolls#zaz writes#mind control#emotional abuse#loss of autonomy#discolored#branch trolls#belladonna & daffodil#songfic#for robin william's ''candy'' (modified slightly for the fic)#RAGH DISCOLORED TIME!!!!#my afternoon class got cancelled so i managed to get this written and posted#though i still gotta go to my evening class đ#and yes branch's stage name is the names that bella & daffy would've chose for him#god bella & daffy are so fun to write in like. such an awful way#awful little creatures they are
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Hellooooooooo Brick!!! Howâre you doing? :]
I actually have an idea for my 100 followers fic, so das pretty good! School tomorrow though qwq
Iâm failing all languages except English, especially greek and LatinâŠ
howâs school been for you?
Also I can now play a slightly recognisable version of both a part of pirates of the caribbean and livinâ on a prayer on guitar!! :D Iâm very happy about that, especially the second one
Probably gonna go to sleep very soon, gotta get up early tomorrow :/
Cookies? đȘđȘđȘđȘđȘ
-âšanonâš
hello munchkin!!!!
THAT'S AWESOME ?? !! i can't wait ,, i hope the writing process goes well for you! :-3 if you ever need a proofreader for it i'm always here :D
OUGHHH don't remind me i still have homework to do >:I my assignment is WRITING i don't even know how i'm not thrilled at the idea of writing aahghfjsjefs
AWW no iM sorry to hear that :( i hope you're able to somehow bring them up 'cause that's never a fun feeling. is there any way you could like stop taking the class(es) if they get Too Much?
my school's going alright, 68 on my math test but i can get .5% back every question i revise ,,,
OOOh that sounds epic!!! guitar is such a cool instrument and it's Universal like once you master guitar you've succeeded dsjvsdj ,, so that's awesome! :D i would LOVE to hear how pirates of the carribean sounds on a guitar i will have to look that up,,, is it acoustic or electric ?
AHH i see! you were on a couple minutes ago but i hope you head to bed soon cause YEAH another five days of early mornings đ
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ARI REALLY DID IT!!! HE REALLY BROKE UP WITH HER!!! HOLY SHIT!!!
When Sharon said she thought reader was the Ari was cheating on her with, cause she had a feeling deep in her gut⊠shouldâve listened to it. Always, and I mean always go with your guy ladies.
SHARON IS BI CURIOUS AND THINKS OF READER WHILE MASTURBATING!!!!!
Curtis is a damn sleazeball, Wanda is dumb and blind asf. Also a bitch! Hinting at having a threesome with Carla đ€Łand Reader. Then when reader says he needs to respect his gf and he says sheâs one to talk OHHHH BURRRRN!!!!!!
Also yes Ari how do you know where Steveâs parents live đ
He sighs, âIf you want, I could come clean to her and tell her it was you who I was sleeping with. You shouldnât have to deal with that, itâs my problem, anyways.â Does he not realize that thatâs not gonna make the situation any better đ€ŠđŸââïž MEN.
When reader finally had the outburst in the supply closet đ poor baby.
Definitely gotta make sure to keep out the part about letting Steve finger her in the Uberđ€Ł didnât want Ari even more pissed that he already is.
Uh oh⊠Ari freaking out about Kira đ
âBecause I do care! I think Iâd know what Iâm feeling better than you would!â Calm down Stevey Boy đ«ą
âI was always going to ask you out, Ari or no Ari. Itâs only when I saw how jealous he got when he saw you with me, that I realised how much he liked you. That he liked you more than he liked his own girlfriend. Thatâs when I realised I could be with you and get back at him at the same time.â Umm⊠thatâs not- yeah thatâs still not cool Steve. Men are so so damn stupid I bet this has actually happened in real life before.
âFuck you! Try anâ scratch me again and see what happens!â Steve arguing with the branch đ€Łđ€Ł then when he claims that thatâs itâs tryna pick a fight with him LMFAO!!! This man is drunk!
Poor Steve getting kicked off the team. Also, get this man in some anger issues classes.
Out of everyone, I feel bad for Kira the most. Especially after what Steve said sheâs going through and how their parents are never home, and donât know how bad sheâs really gotten.
God, you would never understand men! YOU AND ME BOTH GIRLIE
Also should I feel bad for Carla? Yes, maybe. Possibly? Do I feel bad for her though? đââïž nope
He grabs her by the upper arm roughly, âCarla, shut the fuck up right now if you know whatâs good for you,â He hisses. LMFAO!!! YEAH CARLA SHUT UP!!!
âStop acting so holier-than-thou, Sharon. Youâre not worth shit anymore, not since you got dumped,â yeah umm⊠Carla deserved what Curtis did to her at this point.
She says brokenly, âI..I liked you. I liked you so much. You have no idea how much IâŠâ oh I know how much, that almost confession you made I remember that đ
âIâm in love with you.â Ari breathes. HOLY SHIT HE SAID IT ARI REALLY SAID NO HESITATION THIS TIME!!!
âWhy does it always take some sort of traumatic event for you to say these things?â You know thatâs a really good question. WHY ARI?!
âTell me, is that what you told my sister too?â JAW FUCKING DROP! ITS ABOUT TO GO DOWN!!! Again! đ«ąđ«Ł
Steve telling Ari about what Kira has been going through makes me feel even sadder than when he was telling reader about it. He just seems so down, hurt, and betrayed. đ
âSheâs my sister and you were my friend and you fucking broke her, Ari.â I FUCKING KNEW IT!!! I KNEW THEY HAD BEEN FRIENDS BEFORE!!!! It always hurts more when itâs a friend that does the betraying, cause like you trusted that person. Never thought once out of the whole friendship that they would ever do something to hurt/betray you.
STEVEN GRANT ROGERS!!!! WHYY JUST WHYYYY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
âDonât worry about me. Iâm comfortably numb, remember? I think I finally made it lastâŠâ I-⊠đđąđđŁđ damn Steve is really hurting, like badly
To answer your questions:
1. They were both sweet, but Steve was bittersweet so I think I kinda liked his more. It did hint/foreshadow at what would happen later on in this part. Which leads to readers guilt, and also makes us think more about whatâs gonna happen with Steve.
2. Carla Wanda SUCKS ASS!!! FUCK THAT BITCH!!!!
3. Because reader pretended to be her friend, let her vent about Ari and cry on her shoulder. Meanwhile this whole time knowing the exact reason why Ari ending things, and that sheâs the other girl. Hell Sharon even tried to help reader with her boy issues too. Reader knew the whole time why Ari broke up with Sharon, had so many times to open up about the truth. I think if reader wouldâve told the truth from the get go, and explain everything then she wouldâve been a little bit more forgiving towards reader.
4. Iâm not sure. Ari says Steve doesnât know what heâs talking about, so maybe Curtis did it. I wouldnât put it past him tbh. He seems like that kind of guy. But that begs the question⊠how did Curtis get ahold of Kiraâs nudes if thatâs what actually happened?đ€
5. Team STEVE!! I feel like theyâre gonna have to pump his stomach. Attempted OD, maybe his parents will even have to fly back at this point.
I did send this to your ask, but I added more and decided to reblog it this time đ
đđąđđ€đđ đđđŠđđŹ đđĄđđ©đđđ« đâ.ïœĄ.:*
đđđđ đđ - đđšđŠđđšđ«đđđđ„đČ đđźđŠđ
đđđąđ«đąđ§đ : mean jock!Ari Levinson x naive!reader, mean jock!Steve Rogers x naive reader
đđđ«đ§đąđ§đ đŹ: smutt, dubcon, daddy!kink, size difference, innocence kink, HEAVY MENTIONS OF ALCOHOL AND DRUG CONSUMPTION, mentions of depression, mentions of self-medication, seriously, if you're sensitive about that kind of stuff please do not read, 18+ only, minors dni!
đđźđŠđŠđđ«đČ: You're done with both Ari and Steve. But they're not quite done with you...
đ/đ: Here it is. Again, I'm putting up a disclaimer: Please beware of the strong mentions of irresponsible alcohol and drug consumption in this chapter. Also be aware of the depictions of depression in this chapter. Stay safe & only read what you are comfortable with. This is a dark story. This is chapter 4 of Wicked Games. It is 33.6k words. Enjoy, besties!
Steve: Hey. Look, Iâm really sorry about what happened yesterday. Things got out of control and I really did not mean to scare you. Could we talk in person?
Steve: I did plan a date for us. I know you donât believe me, but I did. For whatever thatâs worth. Look, just text me back, okay? Or answer my calls.
Steve: Sometimes I just get like that. Even if you donât understand, just reply and say youâll talk to me. Iâll explain everything. Please.
Steve: Canât you see Iâm trying? I want us to work.
Steve: It wasnât just about sex to me. I know thatâs what it looked like but it wasnât.
Steve: ?????
Each time your phone pings with a new text, you feel a stronger urge to just throw it out the window. Oh, why couldnât he just leave you alone? You feel awful and on edge, the nightâs sleep had done you absolutely no good. Youâd tossed and turned the whole time, crying and feeling sad about how terribly your âdateâ had gone down yesterday. How youâd been used. How it was all just about sex for him, no matter what he claimed.
Your phone starts pinging again.
Ari: Are you okay?
Ari: You need to tell me exactly what he did to you. Iâll set him straight, I promise. I just need to know what he did.
Ari: You were really worked up yesterday so I gave you your space but Iâm worried. And pissed off. Just answer me.
Ari: Pick up your phone.
Ari: Iâm coming over.
No, no, no. You donât want him to come over. You donât want to see either of them. To hell with their mood swings and cocky egos and fake concern for you. Now you know there was only one thing that men like Ari and Steve truly ever wanted from you â sex. Fuck them both. If Ari came over now, youâd scream your head off and not let him in again.
You were done. Completely and irrevocably done. Not just with Ari and Steve, but with men and relationships in general. You were going to make a solemn vow to yourself that from now on, thatâ
A sudden knocking on your door interrupts your thoughts. Pressing your lips into a thin line, you feel the anger surge through you. Who the fuck was that? Ari? Heâd only just sent his last message a minute ago â how was he already here?
A wave of anxiety overtakes you suddenly⊠What if it was Steve?
Another knock. But it sounds a lot softer than Ariâs usual loud banging â which was what he did on days where heâd forget your dorm key at home.
âY/N?â You hear a faint, familiar voice from the other side of the door. âAre you there?â
Huh. That was definitely not Steve or AriâŠ
It takes you about five seconds to haul yourself off your bed and across the room. You open the door cautiously, only to find Sharon standing there. Her face is swollen, red and blotchy, her shiny and usually pristinely styled hair scraped back in a low, sad ponytail. Not a trace of makeup on her face, and sheâs wearing a loose, wrinkled St. Andrews sweatshirt instead of her usual cheerleading uniform.
âAri broke up with me!â She bursts into tears, pulling you into a hug that you have no choice but to return. And the guilt is immediate, spreading throughout your body, thrumming through your bloodstream along with dread. Of course, you knew Ari had dumped her⊠for you.
âOh, SharonâŠâ you mumble against her sweatshirt, a huge lump forming in your throat, âIâm so, so sorry.â Sorrier than you realiseâŠ
Sharon sniffles, âI know weâre not really close, but I just didnât know who else to talk to about this. All my friends are also his friends, or girlfriends of his friends, andâŠandâŠand I just needed someone who was my friend, and not his, andââ She breaks out into a fresh wave of tears, hugging you tightly again, burying her face in your neck as she cries. You awkwardly pat her shoulder, feeling like the worldâs worst person.
âCome in,â you say reluctantly. Sure, you had your own problems, but you werenât just going to leave her crying out in the hallway, were you? Especially not since you were basically the reason for her tears.
She smiles weakly, âThank you.â
You manage to quickly type out a message to Ari while she isnât looking:
Sharonâs here. Donât come over. And stop texting me.
âIt just came so out of nowhere,â she says, following you into your room and sitting on the edge of your bed, âWell, we werenât having sex like how we used to but I just assumed he was stressed about basketball or something.â
âWait, the two of you werenât having sex?â You blurt out a tad too eagerly, but she doesnât seem to notice. You sink down beside her, âI mean⊠wow⊠so you guys werenât being â uh â intimate?â
Sharon shakes her head, using the sleeve of her sweatshirt to wipe her eyes, âNot for, like, the past month. But I really didnât think he was cheating on me⊠But he basically told me he was dumping me because there was someone else.â
Your heart jumps up to your throat, âH-He said that?â
âYeah. Well, at first, he kept saying the whole âitâs not you, itâs meâ crap.â She snorts, aggressively twining a loose strand of her blonde hair round and round her pointer finger, âBut I told him to be honest and just tell me straight up, and I was yelling and so upset and finally he said that there was someone else. Can you believe that?â
Your hands feel clammy, the guilt and anxiety churning around in your stomach like a witchâs cauldron. Should you tell her now? Tell her that youâre the reason her boyfriend dumped her? That youâd been sleeping with Ari behind her back for months? Oh God⊠You were an awful person, werenât you? Well, you hadnât known about Sharon at first⊠and back then you were innocent enough to believe Ari when he said heâd broken up with her. But youâd wisened up to that and still had sex with him at the party, hadnât you?
You gulp, âSharon, thereâs somethingââ
âAnd can you believe that for a split second I thought it was you?â She says suddenly, her eyes wide and unblinking.
Your blood freezes, âI, Iââ
âI know, I know⊠Totally ridiculous, right?â She laughs. And youâd expected her laugh to be all cute and twinkly and perfect how she is, but itâs low and hoarse and ironic. She squeezes your arm, âI hate that my mind even went there. I donât know you that well but I just know you wouldnât do that to me, Y/N.â
âSharonââ
 âItâs just that one time, at that basketball practice when the ball hit your face. The way Ari carried you off⊠I just got this feeling in my gut, you know?â She laughs again, âBut that was just Ari being Ari, stepping up and taking charge of a situation when no one else would. And itâs awful of me to even think youâd do something like that when youâd just got struck in the face and were probably in a lot of pain. Gosh, Iâm so sorry for even thinking it!â
She hugs you again. You can smell her sweet perfume, and it goes straight to your head, making you feel sick. Or maybe itâs the guilt eating away at your insides thatâs making you feel sick.
âThereâs something I have to tell youââ
ââWe were together for almost a whole year, you know?â Sharon cuts you off again. âI was gonna take him home for Thanksgiving and everything.â Sheâs still hugging you, and her cheek rests against the bare nape of your neck. You werenât used to being this touchy with your girlfriends, but you continue to pat her back nonetheless, feeling like the worldâs most awful person ever.
âHeâs just the worldâs most awful person ever!â She cries, âLike he threw our relationship away like it was nothing! And I was so good to him, Y/N!â
âI know, I know,â you say softly. You feel a wave of disgust for Ari overtake you, but the disgust you feel at yourself overshadows it completely.
âBut maybe itâs for the best,â She sits up suddenly, her eyes wide and glistening, an almost daring look on her face, your hand still encased in hers. âMaybe me and Ari werenât meant to be, and he was just a stupid phase in my life.â
âHeâs just a fuckboy,â you agree truthfully, despite feeling rotten over your role in all of this. âYou can do so much better than him, Sharon.â
She nods, âYeah, I think so too. I mean, heâs super hot and all, butâŠâ And then she pauses, looking at you with a curious expression. She bites her lip, still holding on to your hand. âMaybe this is too much information, but lately, even when I was, you know, taking care of myself⊠I wouldnât think of him. Iâd think of someone else.â
âThatâs good!â You say enthusiastically. âWho were you thinking of? Like an actor or singer or something? Or a cute guy in one of your classes?â
She stares at you a bit longer, before suddenly dropping her gaze, âYeah, something like that. Anyways, thank you so much for being there for me, Y/N. I know I just barged into your room unannounced.â
At that moment, your phone vibrates. Once, twice, three times. More texts. Youâre thankful you left your phone facedown; in case they were from Ari and she saw.
âThatâs probably Steve, isnât it?â Sharon says.
You nod quickly, suddenly in a hurry to stop talking about Ari, âYeah. Theyâre all from him. Heâs been texting me nonstop since last night when me and him had a fight.â
âOh no. Is everything gonna be okay?â
You shake your head tersely, not wanting to talk about the disastrous date. âNo. Me and him are over. Forever.â And so are me and Ari.
Sharon nods, giving you another hug. âMen are trash. Iâm so glad we have each other, Y/N. Iâm so happy weâre friends now.â
You swallow harshly, hoping the guilt isnât so evident on your face. Inside your head, thereâs about a million different thoughts racing each other. Should you tell her about Ari now? Or wait till later when she was more distanced from the situation and less distraught? Oh God, it was like problems followed you wherever you went! First Steve, then Ari, and now Sharon was in the mix too. And the worst part was, how kind she was being. How genuinely good she was and how she didnât deserve to be lied to in the least.
Iâll tell her, you promise yourself. I swear Iâll tell her soonâŠ
***
âYou need to stop moping around so much,â Wanda says as the two of you walk down the corridor after a lecture. Well, she walks. You just drag your feet. Itâs been two days since the âdateâ with Steve and the subsequent scene with Sharon in your dorm room, and your emotions have been all over the place.
âLike okay, so the Steve thing didnât work out. Itâs not the end of the world, is it? Just get over it.â Wanda continues scanning the crowd of people in the hallway.
âI just feel like nobody wants a relationship with me, Wanda.â You say softly. âAll they ever seem to want is sex.â
âHuh? Yeah, that really sucks,â she says distractedly, standing on her tip-toes to look over the sea of heads all milling around or heading to their next class. âWhereâs Curtis? He agreed to meet me here.â
Your stomach drops. Curtis again? Oh, you hope Ariâs not with him! Youâd successfully been able to avoid him since the night heâd left your dorm room, and you didnât want to break that streak now.
Wanda spots her boyfriend a moment later and squeals, jumping up and down trying to get his attention. Thankfully, he isnât with Ari. But he is standing in a cosy corner of the corridor, deep in conversation with a tiny brunette cheerleader. You watch as she laughs at something he said and puts her hand on his chest.
You glance warily at Wanda, but she still has that determined bright smile on her face as she charges over to him, pulling you along with her.
âCurtis! Hey!â She wraps her arms around his neck territorially, plastering her lips on his. The cheerleader smirks, and you see her wink at him before she leaves. Only then does Curtis finally give his girlfriend some attention. You stand there, awkwardly staring at your shoes for the next five minutes while they noisily kiss next to you.
âYou still in a bad mood, sweetheart?â Curtis grins once the two of them finally break apart.
âSheâs always in a bad mood,â Wanda interjects before you can respond, âHey, Curtis, you wanna check out the new drive-in theatre downtown? I donât have any more classes today and I know you donât either.â
Curtis yawns, âI donât know. I kinda just wanna chill today.â
âOh. Thatâs fine too, I guess. You wanna just grab lunch on campus?â
âNah. I think Iâll just head back home. I have stuff to do.â
Wanda nods, âOkay, can I come too?â
He shrugs, âSure. If you must.â
They start towards the exit, and you have no choice but to follow them. But when Wanda stops to talk to one of the girls in her Philosophy class, Curtis shoots you a smirk.
âSweetheart, why donât you come back to my place too?â
You frown, âWhat would I do in your room with you and Wanda?â
The spark in his eye is nothing short of devilish, âI could think of a few things the three of us could get up to.â
âYouâre disgusting, Curtis.â
âYou sure about that? I have some more of those magic pills youâre such a huge fan of. The three of us could have some fun.â His eyes rake over your body brazenly, and you feel the urge to throw up. So, it was true. All men viewed you as an easy hook-up. A slut. Ari, Steve, now Curtis too.
âWhat the hell is wrong with you? Wanda is your girlfriend and you should have more respect for her.â
He rolls his eyes, âYouâre one to talk about respecting girlfriends.â
The jab stings, especially since it has a ring of truth to it. But you glare up at him nonetheless, âFuck you.â
âAre you and Ari both perpetually in a bad mood these days or what?â
âIâm not speaking to Ari, so I wouldnât know what kind of mood heâs in.â You answer curtly.
âHeâs in a shitty mood, Iâll tell you that much,â Curtis snorts. âYouâd think heâd be over the fucking moon after finally dumping Sharon, but now all he does is glare at his phone because you wonât answer his texts.â
Sure, Ari had been continuously texting and calling you for the past two days, but youâd gotten better at ignoring him. The last text youâd sent him was when youâd told him not to come over because Sharon was there.
âAre we ready to go, babe?â Wanda asks, waving goodbye to the girl from her Philosophy class.
Curtis stretches and grunts, âYeah, letâs go,â He looks over at you, âYou need a lift to wherever youâre headed?â
âNo, she doesnât!â Wanda interjects quickly, grabbing his hand and tugging him towards the exit impatiently, âYou wanted to be alone, didnât you, Y/N?â
You shrug, âSure.â
Watching them leave hand in hand, you stand there in a sea of people â and yet you feel more alone than ever. You know you need to snap out of this funk, but itâs so hard. Even now, as you look around, you can see about five different couples. All happily hanging out, talking, eating lunch together, kissing, holding hands. Would you ever experience anything normal like that?
Youâre about to leave when someone grabs your wrist, yanking you sideways. You yelp, barely catching a glimpse of Ariâs brown waves before youâre pulled into an empty corridor.
âAri! What the fuckââ
âStop it with the ignoring my texts shit!â He spits out, eyes already blazing, âIâve been worried sick about you.â
âLet go of me.â
Surprisingly, he does. But he blocks your path with his huge frame, stepping in front of you every time you try to push past him. This continues for a solid minute and a half before you finally huff and give up trying to escape.
âI went to see Steve that night.â Ari says finally.
Your stomach churns at the mention of the blondeâs name.
âI donât want to hear this.â
âHe wasnât at home. And the other guys in his frat wouldnât say where he was,â he runs a hand through his hair, âBut Iâm guessing he was probably hiding out at his parentâs house.â
That was exactly where he was. You knew that.
âPlease tell me you didnât go there.â
Ari regards you closely, as if youâre made out of glass and heâs trying to formulate his sentences as carefully as he can. âI didnât,â he says finally, sighing, âI was about to, butââ
âGood,â you interrupt, âI donât need you fighting him or whatever. Not on my behalf.â You narrow your eyes, âHow do you even know where his parentsâ house is?â
He hesitates, âI donât know off the top of my head, but I wouldâve found out.â He grabs your hands, his blue eyes looking earnest, which is a look you arenât used to seeing on him at all. âHeâs clearly avoiding me, but look, the sooner you tell me what exactly happened between you and him, the sooner Iâll deal with it.â
From over his shoulder, you see a group of cheerleaders walk by. In a panic, you snatch your hands away from him. Was Sharon with them? Had she seen you with him? No. She wasnât there. And yet now you feel more paranoid than ever.
âWe canât do this, Ari,â you mutter, trying to sidestep him again, âWe canât be seen together now or ever again, so just move so I can leaveââ
âNo.â
âYes!â you try not to explode or lose your patience, âThis isnât right, okay? You and me, weâre not right. Sharon doesnât deserve us going behind her back, she doesnâtââ
âI told you, I broke up with her.â
âThat doesnât make any of this okay, so just move!â
He doesnât. Instead, he grabs your arm again, tugging you somewhere deep into the corridor before you have a chance to stop him or finish your sentence. And heâs too strong to fight against, so you donât even try it. The last thing you want is to put any more attention on you or him. Even if Sharon wasnât around, one of her friends could see you with him and report back to her. And after everything that happened with you and Sharon, you wanted to come clean to her yourself, rather than have her hear about you sleeping with her boyfriend behind her back from somebody else.
âThe supply closet? Really, Ari?â You plant your hands on your hips, watching as he shuts and locks the door of the dimly lit room.
He shrugs, âIf itâll get you to stop running away from me...â
âWell, why canât you just get the message? Iâm running for a reason.â You try to push past him, but the closet is way too small to allow that type of movement. He easily grabs your waist and lifts you back in front of him, making you scowl. âLook, I donât know what you expected would happen between us when you dumped Sharon, I already told you weâre done. She doesnât deserve this.â
Ari has the audacity to look confused, âSince when do you care about her?â
âSince I developed a brain and realised what we did behind her back for months was wrong!â You explode, hating the fact that you have to spell this out for him. âYou know that she came to my dorm room the day after you dumped her? She was a mess, Ari! All because of us, and she doesnât even know it!â
 He sighs, âIf you want, I could come clean to her and tell her it was you who I was sleeping with. You shouldnât have to deal with that, itâs my problem, anyways.â
âNo, you donât say anything, Ari! Iâm going to tell her myself.â Soon.
âOkay, but trust me, donât worry about her too much. Sheâs a strong girl, sheâll bounce back.â
You stare at him incredulously. Strong girl? Bounce back? Oh, he was infuriating!
âWhatever, Ari.â You mutter, once more trying to push past him but he places you back in front of him with such ease that itâs almost comical.
âWhat happened to you that day with Steve?â He asks again, his brow furrowed.
âItâs none of your business.â
He scoffs, folding his arms over his chest. âYou came home in tears with your dress all torn up and you expect me to just go about my business as if all that was nothing?â
âYes. It shouldnât be too hard for you considering youâve left me in tears yourself a couple of times.â You think back to the frat party, how heâd left you drunk, high and in tears in the bathroom. By the guilt that flashes in Ariâs eyes, he remembers too.
âI told you I was sorry about that.â
You shrug, âWhatever. It doesnât matter anyways. You used me, and Steve used me too.â Your voice almost breaks but you clear your throat quickly, not wanting to cry in front of him.
âWhat do you mean Steve used you?â Ari grabs your shoulders with a note of urgency. âDid he do something you didnât want to do? Did he fuck you? Goddamit, I told you not to speak to him!â
Shaking out of his grasp, you feel another flash of anger. The same flash youâd felt surge through you the night youâd kicked Ari out of your dorm room. A part of you wants to start yelling and screaming again, but you know you canât do that here.
âWhat does it matter, anyways?â You snap, feeling the walls building up around you. Half of you wants to scream and the other half wants to curl up and cry. The two emotions swirl inside you like a whirlpool, making you feel lightheaded.
A handful of seconds go by and all Ari does is stare at you. You can hear him breathing hard, almost erratically, as if deciding his next move. Finally, he bends down so his face is level with yours, his hands leaving your shoulders to cup your cheeks instead. His eyes, so bright blue despite the dark mustiness of the supply closet, bore into yours so intensely.
âDid. He. Fuck. You?â
âNo.â
âDid he hurt you?â
You donât answer, instead staring at the dark nothingness beyond Ariâs shoulder. Maybe if you focused on it hard enough, you could dissociate and float away from this situation. Float away from anyone else who could hurt you or use you or manipulate you. Float away from the guilt, the shame, the sadness, all of it.
Instead, you feel the wind being knocked out of you as Ari roughly pushes you against what feels like a shelf. The wooden edges poke against your back, and your mouth curls in pain.
âListen to me. Iâm not fucking around anymore, okay? You need to tell me what happened right fucking now.â Ari growls, his face inches from yours. It seems like someoneâs ignited a fire in his eyes, twin fires â one burning bright in each eye, and you can practically feel the heat of his anger radiating from his being.
âYouâre hurting me!â You cry out pitifully.
Like a hot poker, Ari drops you immediately, regret seeping through his features before he takes a deep breath.
âIâm sorry, I didnât mean to hurt you. I justâŠâ He pauses, and for a second his whole face screws up and contorts, like heâs inwardly examining every corner of his brain to conjure up the right thing to say. âLook, I care about you. A lot. And these past two days have been torture, knowing that he did something to you and I couldnât protect you.â
He sounds sincere, but you know itâs all an act. He doesnât mean it, heâs only trying to be nice so he can have sex with you later, the voice inside your head cackles.
âSo just tell me what he did, and Iâllââ
 âWHAT PART OF IT DO YOU WANT TO KNOW, ARI?â You burst, âWhat part of the whole ugly thing would you like me to relive first? The part where he promised heâd take me out on a date but he took me to his bedroom instead?â You duck your head in shame, âI suppose I should be used to that by now, but I was stupid enough to let myself hope.â
Ari draws his breath but stays silent.
âOr would you rather I tell you everything he said? Down to the last fucking detail? How he basically implied that I was the worldâs biggest slut?â This time, you canât keep the tears at bay. âH-He said⊠He said I should stop acting like a nun because I had no problem with you fucking me at the party!â
You donât mention the part where Steve had also said youâd had no problem spreading your legs for Steve too the night of the party. You have yet to come to terms with and address that little detail, and so you push it back to the depths of your mind for now. Ari couldnât know about that, not when you didnât know yourself.
Instead, your face crumples up, and before you realise it, youâre heaving with tears. Waterfalls pouring down your cheeks as you cry and cry. You donât even notice Ari picking you up, you donât notice him sitting down on a nearby stool and holding you in his lap. Carefully holding your head against his chest, rocking you back and forth as his other hand rubs up and down your back.
So much for all your bravado, so much for keeping up a strong front and resisting Ari at all costs. Here you were again, crying in his arms like you always ended up doing.
âH-He was so awful!â you sob, burying your head deep in Ariâs shirt, inhaling the manly scent of his aftershave, and it calms your hurting heart a little bit. But not enough. âHe said all these mean things, and heâŠhe wouldnât stop, Ari! I k-kept saying no, but he wouldnât listen at all! It was like something came over him!â
You fist the soft material of Ariâs jersey, taking comfort in the feel of his strong arms wrapped tightly around you. His familiar, manly scent and his soft hair tickling your face as he holds you carefully against him. And despite everything, you canât help but note how strange this is. Of course, Ari had held you while you cried about a dozen times â but this seemed different. For one, he wasnât cooing sweet manipulations into your ear. He was just⊠silent. You risk peaking up at him through teary eyes, to see him looking straight ahead with a grim look on his face, the beginnings of a sneer forming on his lips.
âItâs okay,â Ari says softly, his voice sounding thick as if thereâs something stuck in his throat. Was this what true, earnest sympathy sounded like coming from him? Or was it all just an act? Youâre too busy crying and seeking solace in his warm chest to really mull it over, and the beefy basketball player continues to stroke your back, âItâs okay, baby. He wonât hurt you anymore. I promise he wonât.â
âJUST SAY IT ALREADY! Just say âI told you so!ââ You sob, âHe didnât care about me at all, Ari! Just like you said. He was just using me. He just wanted sex, or to get back at you, or both!â
He doesnât say I told you so. Instead, his lips press down on top of your head, kissing you gently. And you know you should push him away, but you reason with yourself to hold on to him just for a little bit longer. Just till you felt a little bit better. Was that so wrong?
âHe wonât hurt you again,â Ari repeats firmly, now cupping your face with both his hands so you look him dead in the eye.
âHe scared me so bad, Ari!â you sniffle, âH-He punched a wall when I said I wanted to leave, and thenâŠand then he wouldnât let me go!â
Ari mutters something unintelligible under his breath, before using the corner of his sleeve to wipe your cheeks. âHow did you get him to stop?â
âI couldnât. But thankfully, his sister was there and she stopped him.â
Ari freezes, âHis sister?â
âYes.â
âDid she say anything to you?â
âNot really,â you look down at your hands. Recounting the whole horrific ordeal with Steve had caused them to start shaking, and you grip at your skirt to get them to stop. Before you know it, Ariâs larger hands cup your own, holding them in place on your lap, stilling them, calming you.
âWell, donât worry,â Ari says firmly, âhe wonât touch you ever again. Iâll make sure of it.â
His face looks earnest, sincere. A large part of you feels comforted by him, but thereâs also a dwindling doubt in the back of your mind. A little speck of mistrust growing larger and larger, fuelled by all the times heâs hurt you. Fuelled by how Steve had hurt you. Despite the fact that you donât want to, you snatch your hands out of his and shoot up off his lap as if heâs shot you. No. You werenât going to do this again. You werenât going to fall for his false promises. Not this time.
âStop lying,â you say shakily, backing away from him slowly. âYou donât care about me so stop pretending like you do. You just want me for sex, and youâre angry that someone else got close to having me like that too. But you donât actually care about me or how I feel, Ari, so just stop lying!â
He stands up too, frowning, âIâm not lying. I dumped Sharon. Iâve been texting and calling you this whole time. Hell, Iâm standing inside a fucking supply closet just to get a minute alone with you. What part of that says I donât care?â
âYou donât care,â you repeat softly, âIt took me a while to realise it, but now I do. All Iâm good for is sex.â
âThatâs not trueââ
âYes it is!â You cry, âRemember all the times I begged to be your girlfriend and you came up with a bullshit excuse each time? Itâs because you knew that I wasnât worth anything more than a hook-up for you!â You shake your head bitterly, âGod, you mustâve been laughing behind my back at how stupid and naĂŻve I was for expecting more from you. Steveâs probably laughing too. Youâre both the same and Iâm not going to let you or him or anyone else hurt me ever again! So, for the love of God, just leave me alone!â
You turn to leave, but Ari grabs your hand.
âWhatâs it going to take to show you that I care about you? Because Iâll do it.â
You donât turn back around, waiting two long seconds before you tug your hand out of his grip. But you do open your mouth to respond â except nothing comes out. Instead, you sigh. There was really nothing more left to say, was there? Except perhaps just one more thingâŠ
âNothing, Ari. People donât just change overnight. Especially not people like you.â
You step out of the supply closet, carefully shutting the door behind you and finally walking away. And hopefully this time, itâs for good.
***
Ari: WTF. Why did you change your lock???
Ari: Stop avoiding me.
Ari: If you werenât so hellbent on ignoring me, youâd know that I have changed. Just give me a chance to prove it to you.
Ari: ???????
Ari: Steveâs still dodging me, by the way. Me and Curtis went over to his frat house but he wasnât there again. Clearly, heâs afraid of me, but donât worry. I promise Iâll make him pay for what he did.
The days go by, and Ari continues to text you daily all while you lock yourself up in your room and pretty much avoid the outside world. And his last text makes you want to tear your hair out. Why couldnât Ari just butt out of your life and stop trying to fight Steve on your behalf!? Youâd never asked for that; you didnât want that! You just wished the whole ordeal with Steve had never even happened, you wished you could will it out of existence.
And speaking of Steve, he still texted you too. Not as frequently as Ari, which made him better at taking a hint than he was at planning first dates. But you still received a message from him every now and againâŠ
Steve: I get it. I fucked it all up.
Steve: I need to see you again. Iâll make it right. Please.
And sure, there was a tiny part of you that did want to hear Steve out. But you were afraid of him, afraid of what heâd do or say. Plus, heâd literally lied to you, pretended he was interested in having a relationship with you when really, he just wanted sex. So, who was to say he wouldnât lie again? Oh God, everything felt so wrong, how could he possibly make anything right!?
And why couldnât you just block them both and move on!? You wish you could, yet you canât find it in you to block or delete either of their numbers. Not Ariâs, and not even Steveâs. Maybe itâs the naĂŻve little girl inside you, the insecure little girl who wants to hold on to the only male attention sheâs ever gotten â despite the fact that your relationships with both men had gone up in smoke. And so you settle with just muting and archiving their chats. Out of sight, out of mind â except not really. But itâs the best you can do for now.
And you feel more alone now than ever. With Wanda always preoccupied with Curtis, you had nobody to confide your heartbreak in. But ironically, you began to grow closer with Sharon. On the rare occasions you actually left your dorm room and made it into campus for your lectures, she always seemed to find you. You realised quickly that she no longer hung out with her usual cheerleader friends. Either she herself had opted to leave them, or theyâd decided to leave her because she was no longer the basketball captainâs girlfriend. Either way, you didnât ask.
âItâs probably one of them,â Sharon mutters darkly one day as the two of you walk past a gaggle of cheerleaders, âThe bitch he was cheating on me with. Itâs probably one of them.â
You gulp. You had yet to come clean to her â but you could never find the right moment. And as time went by and she started spending more and more time with you, it got even harder to just drop the bomb and be like, oh hey, by the way! That bitch who your boyfriend cheated on you with? That was me!
But apart from all that, Sharon was good company. Both of you were dealing with heartbreak (she seemed to be dealing with hers better than you were dealing with yours), and so there was a kind of understanding between the two of you. Not to mention, hanging out with her turned out to be useful in keeping Ari away from you. Any time he spotted you on campus, heâd start making a beeline for you before freezing when he realised you were with her.
âYou know, I think I figured out why both Ari and Steve treated us the way they did.â Sharon pipes up one day whilst the two of you are leaving campus. âItâs because weâre too nice.â
âHm?â You barely utter a word, just wanting to get home and wallow in bed. You hadnât told Sharon the extent of what had happened between you and Steve on your âdate.â All she knew was that it was over, and you never wanted to speak to him again.
âYeah, itâs because weâre too nice. Bad bitches donât get their hearts broken, but nice girls always do.â She says, unscrewing her lip gloss and touching up her lips. Unlike you, sheâd gotten some of her pep back since her breakup. In a way, you were glad. Youâd rather her be happy than you â she deserved it after getting cheated on.Â
You manage to laugh cynically, which eggs the blonde on as she continues.
âIâm serious. From here on out, letâs promise not to take any shit from anyone. That way, no one can hurt us again.â
No one hurting you ever again? That sounded like a dream. You knew you could be naĂŻve at times, especially months ago when Ari had first started hooking up with you. Back then, you really thought youâd hit the jackpot and found yourself the perfect boyfriend. Now, months later, it was like youâd mentally matured at rapid speed. Could you be tougher now? Stop being the stupid, naĂŻve little girl that kept getting played by men?
âThatâs easier said than done,â you remark softly.
Sharon shrugs, âItâs worth a shot. I think if you act like an ice queen well enough, people are gonna know not to fuck with you. So, like, next time Steve tries to approach you or sweet-talk you into taking him back, just act like you couldnât care less. Keep a strong resolve, heâll get the message.â
You think back to all the times in the past youâve tried to keep a strong resolve. Not with Steve, but with Ari. And every single time, youâd ended up crumbling and crying in his arms. Giving him the perfect opportunity to manipulate you again. Would the same thing happen with Steve? Who could be extremely charming and angelic when he wanted to be? You hoped notâŠ
Turns out you donât have to wonder that for too long. Because as you walk up to your dorm building after parting ways with Sharon, you see Steve sitting on the stairs of the entrance. He stands up quickly when he spots you, and your heartbeat quickens. Oh no, why was he here!?
âI didnât mean to ambush you,â Steve calls out when you stop dead in your tracks a few feet away from him. âBut you wouldnât return any of my calls.â He starts making his way over to you, and you remain frozen in place. Despite every cell in your body screaming for you to run.
âPlease, stay away from me.â You mumble.
Steve stops short, holding his hands up defensively, âIâm not going to hurt you. I just wanted to apologise.â His face softens, and you notice how heâs got a bit of facial hair now, like he hasnât shaved since you last saw him. His hair looks scruffier too. Heâs also got dark circles under his eyes, like he hasnât slept. In fact, in his black hoodie (the hood up) and black sweats, he looks about as depressed as you feel.
âSorry, Iâm not interested in your apology.â You stick your nose up and resume walking, trying your hardest to follow Sharonâs advice and be the stone-faced ice queen who didnât let anything phase her.
Steve, of course, follows you up the steps and into your building.
âI wasnât thinking straight that day in my bedroom. Sometimes I get like that.â
âI donât care.â You try to sound nonchalant, but now youâre a bit scared. What if he followed you all the way up to your room? Forced his way inside? Locked the door and had his way with you like how heâd tried to last time? There was no Kira here to pacify him, either⊠Abruptly, you turn around, trying to keep your voice from shaking, âSteve, please donât follow me inside.â
He bites his lip, looking every bit as handsome as he always did. Which sucked, because he deserved to have somehow become ugly after how horrible heâd been the last time youâd seen him. But no such luck, he still looked angelic. A bit dark and twisted and scruffy, but angelic nevertheless.
âBut I need to explain to you why I acted the way I did.â
A bitter chuckle forces itself out your mouth, fear momentarily forgotten. âI know why you acted the way you did. You wanted sex, and you thought I was so naĂŻve and easy, that I would easily provide it for you. And when I didnât, you lost it.
âNo, thatâs not it at all!â
You jump at his tone, but try to keep your expression unfazed. âWell, I donât care and Iâm not interested.â
He clenches his fists, his jaw tensing too. But he relaxes when he notices the way your eyes widen in fear, and how you take a few steps back.
âPlease, fuck, just donât be scared of me.â He holds his hands up defensively again, and this time, you notice one of them is bandaged up. The one he punched the wall with. âIâm not going to hurt you.â
âNo, you already did that, Steve.â You turn back around and continue walking up to your dorm room, trying so hard to appear nonchalant.
âIâm not the best at controlling my emotions, okay?â He calls out behind you, and the steady patter of his footsteps reveals heâs still following you as you go up the stairs of your building. âMy parents, theyâve made me see a bunch of doctors for it, and lately Iâve been able to cope but Iâll admit, something inside me snapped that day, and I took it out on you when I shouldnât have, andââ
 âDIDNâT YOU HEAR ME? I SAID IâM NOT INTERESTED IN ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY!â You reach your door before angrily whipping around, âJust leave me alone, alright? I donât care if youâre sorry, it doesnât take back the fact that you lied and made it seem like you wanted to date me when really all you wanted was sex! Not to mention, all the vile things you said and how scary you got. Now just leave me the fuck alone!â
Quickly, you slip inside your room and slam your door shut, locking it at lightning speed. Steve calls out your name, he knocks, he rattles your doorknob. And all you do is lean against the door, breathing fast and willing yourself not to cry. It was okay, he wouldnât hurt you. There was a locked door between the two of you.
â(Y/N), please. Just give me another chance,â Steve knocks again, âI know I acted like a complete asshole, okay? I knew it the second I snapped out of it. And I really didnât mean to say all those things.â
You feel that sudden flash of anger again. Bolting through you like lightning. After everything heâd said to you, after heâd forced himself on you⊠The best he could come up with was âI was an asshole and I didnât mean it,â!? No, you couldnât let him get off that easily. There were things that needed explaining and questions that needed to be answered.
Before you can think better of it, you throw the door back open. Of course, heâs still standing there, and you muster up the toughest, most ice queen-esque expression you can possibly make.
âFine. We can talk.â You fold your arms over your chest, âBut you need to answer me honestly. So donât try to lie or manipulate me.â
Steve nods immediately, âOkay. Thank you.â He steps forward, as if heâs trying to get into your room. You quickly raise a hand up.
âNo. Out here.â You donât feel comfortable being in a bedroom alone with him. You take a deep breath, âYou said that I spread your legs for you the night of the party. What did we do? And donât lie.â
âWe hooked up.â Steve meets your steely gaze evenly, before shaking his hoodie off his head and running a hand through his scruffy hair. Itâs gotten long enough that the ends are starting to curl up, kind of like how Ariâs do â not that that was relevant at all right now. âIn the cab when I was taking you home. We didnât have sex, but we hooked up and I got you off.â
You wrack your brain, willing yourself to remember that night. But all you can muster up are fragmented pieces of memory. In the car with him, and you remembered how good heâd smelled. You remember his varsity jacket, and how it had somehow ended up around your shoulders. But⊠what else? Oh! You remember being in his lap, you remember the car hitting some bumps, and⊠Oh.
You nod slowly, âSo then why did you lie? At the practice game, when you couldâve mentioned what happened?â
Steve exhales, âI did, but you were all confused. I thought youâd remember, but when I realised you didnât, I just⊠Well, I donât know why I didnât say anything. I just⊠didnât.â
For a guy who was so hell bent on explaining things to you, his explanations sure did suck.
You laugh bitterly, âNo, you were too busy flaunting me in front of Ariâs face during that practice.â God, how could you have been so stupid!?
âLook, I said Iâd answer everything and tell you the whole truth,â He shifts from one foot to the other, scratching his neck as if debating whether to say what heâs about to say, âAnd yes, Iâll admit that a part of me was using you to get to Ari.â
It feels like a punch to your gut. Youâd suspected it, but the fact that he was so readily confirming it made it all the worse. With just a few words, Steve had confirmed all your insecurities. Not only did he not want to date you, not only was he just using you for sex⊠Oh no, as if that wasnât enough, heâd also been using you as a pawn in whatever sick, longstanding rivalry he had with Ari.
Donât cry, donât cry, donât cryâŠ
âPlease donât cry,â Steve steps forward, closing the gap between the two of you. And youâre so distraught by the bomb heâs dropped on you, that you donât even try to run away from him. Instead, you lean against the door, breathing heavily, trying to keep your tears at bay.
He continues, âThis is me being honest, alright? Something Ari never is with you. And yes, I wanted him to be jealous, I wanted to get a rise out of him, so I flaunted you in front of him. But that doesnât mean I didnât care about you. I still care about you.â
âHow can you possibly say you care about me after everything youâve just admitted?â You manage to get out as you try to get your breathing back into order.
âBecause I do care! I think Iâd know what Iâm feeling better than you would!â Heâs growing visibly frustrated. âFuck, sorry. Iâm so bad at explaining shit.â He smacks his forehead hard several times and yet you donât even have it in you to flinch.
âGoddamit, look, Iâll start from the beginning.â He takes a few, gulping breaths. âWhen I first saw you at the party, it had nothing to do with Ari, I didnât even know that you knew him. I approached you that night because you looked cute and lost, and I liked how feisty and sweet you wereââ
âThatâs a lie!â You wipe at your eyes roughly, âThatâs a fucking lie, Steve. Arenât you forgetting what you said last time you saw me? You knew what Ari and I did that night, you called me a slut for spreading my legs for him in the middle of a party! And you expected Iâd do the same for you.â
âNo, thatâs not it at all!â
He gulps as if trying to get his breathing even once more, and you realise thatâs his way of calming himself down. And you can tell that heâs trying, that heâs trying so hard not to have a meltdown like last time, and you just look at him apprehensively. You know you could back away at any moment, slam the door in his face again and lock it and be done with him. And yet, your feet remain planted in place, as if a part of you just has to hear him out.
âIâm sorry I called you a slut. Itâs all a big fucking blank in my head, like I blacked out and said all those things. And I never saw you and Ari fucking at the party or anything like that. I only found that out days later through the grapevine. But I shouldnât have used it against you, that was wrong of me. Iâm sorry I fucked it all up by saying that. You didnât deserve it.â
You shake your head but he hurriedly continues, âI was always going to ask you out, Ari or no Ari. Itâs only when I saw how jealous he got when he saw you with me, that I realised how much he liked you. That he liked you more than he liked his own girlfriend. Thatâs when I realised I could be with you and get back at him at the same time.â
Get back at him!? For what? Did you even care, at this point?
Anger. Fear. Confusion. Pure fucking discombobulation. Thatâs what you feel. So much so, that you donât even know what to say or how to act.
Steve takes your lack of response as his cue, moving forward and reach out to cup the side of your face slowly. And you fucking hate how soft and warm his hand feels, how itâs bigger than your whole head yet feels gentle at the same time. Gentle, when the last time heâd had his hands on you, heâd been holding you down on his bed while he tried to force himself on you.
âBut I like you too,â Steve says quietly, almost like a whisper, âI like you more than he ever could. And whenever I like something, whenever I have something good in my life, I always fuck it up. But this time, for once in my life I want to make things right.â
âI kept telling you to stop,â you whisper, squeezing your eyes shut as the memories from that night barge their way back into your head. âY-You ripped my dress.â
âIâm so sorry, baby girl.â
âYou wouldnât stop, Steve. Itâs like you werenât there, like something came over you and you werenât there anymore.â
He nods fervently, his fingers stroking your cheek, âThatâs what Iâm trying to tell you. I canât help that Iâm like this, I really fucking wish I could be normal and react normally to things like how other people do. I wish it more than anything in the fucking world.â
Itâs like heâs a completely different man from the one youâd first met and thought you knew. The man whoâd been so shrouded in mystery, oozing with confidence and charm. His intense aura, the smoothness with how heâd spoken to you in the past. But in this moment, itâs like all of that had melted away. And here he was, stripped back. Rough round the edges with bags under his eyes, an earnest look on his face. And this time when you look into his eyes, for a moment itâs like you really see him; you see someone fighting to be normal, desperate for another chance. Oh, should youâŠ?
And then you blink. And there it is again: Steve, the very same man, saying all those vile things to you. All because you wouldnât fuck him. Him ripping your dress, him holding you down. Him losing his temper. Him punching the wall. The way heâd held you so hard, not letting you leave. That dark, faraway look in his eyes. How scared youâd been⊠And here you were, letting him cup your face and speak all tenderly with you!?
What if he got like that again?
Itâs like a lash of electricity jolts through you. You push Steve away hard.
âListen to me carefully, Steve, because Iâm not gonna say this again. Youâre not who I thought you were. You lied about what happened on the night we met, and you lied about your intentions with me. It doesnât matter if you say you wanted to date me, because your past actions speak louder than whatever words youâre saying now.â You take a deep breath, âThatâs why I want you to leave me alone. Forever. Just walk out right now and never look back. Because Iâm done with you. And I really, truly mean it.â
He freezes, an unreadable expression on his face. A myriad of emotions flitter through his eyes. Shock, sadness, anger. Disbelief. Resignation. And thenâŠ
âAnd what about Ari?â He says quietly, âYouâre choosing him?â
âNo, Iââ
Steve spits out a bitter laugh, as if he wasnât gently cupping your face and promising you everything just five seconds ago.
âYou donât know him, (Y/N). Okay fine, I wasnât completely honest with you and I guess that means Iâve fucked things up between us forever. But you think Ari hasnât lied to you?â
âI know heâs liedââ
âYOU DONâT KNOW THE HALF OF IT!â Out of nowhere, he raises his voice. And it cuts you like a sword, reverberating off the walls. You flinch at the booming loudness of his words, the aggressiveness back on his angelic face and now heâs scaring you again. âYou donât know what heâs done, okay!?â
âYouâre scaring me.â
You try to say it calmly, but your voice breaks right at the end. Steve blinks rapidly, several times. Breathing hard, he looks down at his fingers which are enclosed tightly around your arm. Just like that day in his room. Like a hot poker, he drops it immediately. And again, itâs like heâs waking up from some sort of a momentary trance. Or rather, a momentary wave of anger.
âIâm sorry,â he repeats in a low tone, âbut if you knew the things heâs done, you wouldnât have picked himââ
âI HAVENâT PICKED HIM!â Itâs your turn to explode. âI didnât pick him, Steve. This isnât about picking anyone. Iâm done with you, and Iâm done with Ari too. Iâm picking neither of you. Goodbye.â
You turn around and slam your door shut before he can get another word out.
***
âItâs like, a fundraising gala type thing held at the Hilton. The money raised gets split down the middle, half going towards the basketball team and half towards the cheerleaders,â Sharon explains, twirling a piece of her blonde hair around her finger. âWhich, by the way, I think is totally lame, because the basketball team doesnât even need any more funding. Unlike the cheerleaders.â
She swivels around in your desk chair, her sock clad feet waving around in the air. Outside, the sun sparkles and a gentle breeze flows in through your window. The weather had been great lately, as if the atmosphere knew youâd finished the final chapter of the Ari and Steve saga and closed the book on both of them. As if nature itself was willing you to go outside and begin your new chapter, one where you were sexy and single and thriving.
So then why could you still not find it in you to step outside of your room on most days?
âIâve been on the planning and decorating committee for the Athletic Societyâs Annual Gala for the past two years,â Sharon continues, âitâs like, one of the biggest events of the year. All these important sports execs and school alumni show up, not to mention half the college. Wanda, Iâm guessing youâre going with Curtis, right?â
âHuh?â Wanda glances up from her phone for a split second, looking as if she has not the slightest clue what Sharon is on about. Burying her nose back into her screen, her acrylics start tapping ferociously. And it doesnât take a rocket scientist to guess who sheâs texting. In fact, you were surprised when sheâd showed up alongside Sharon outside your dorm room this morning. It was very hard to pin down Wanda lately, since all her time was devoted to her boyfriend.
Sharon raises an eyebrow before shifting her attention back to you, âWell anyways, I think this would be a great opportunity for you to get out of your funk, Y/N. We could go together! As friends, obviously.â She adds hastily.
You manage to muster up a smile, âI donât knowâŠâ
âOh, come on! Itâs been weeks since you ended things with Steve!â Sharon says, and you no longer shiver when his name is mentioned. Itâs like the last confrontation you had with him cleared up the fog in your head a little bit. It still depressed you to the core, to know that youâd been used, but at least you didnât flinch at his name anymore. That was something.
Heâd also stopped texting you at all anymore. Which you should be happy about, and yet you still found yourself looking at your chat with him. God, what was wrong with you!? Heâd finally left you alone just like how youâd wanted him to, and yet a part of you still felt like it was yearning for him.
âAnd I know how much you love dressing up and doing your makeup. Hey, we could even go shopping together for dresses!â The blonde claps her hands, clearly unaware of your current inner turmoil as she works herself up into a frenzy.
âWe could make it into a proper girlâs night,â She sits on the other end of your bed with a bounce, âHey, Wanda, why donât you get ready with us too? You could always just meet Curtis there.â
Wanda scoffs, âUh, no. I think Iâll go with my boyfriend, thank you very much.â
Sharon rolls her eyes, âUgh. Fuck boyfriends. I was gonna go with Ari, but thatâs obviously not happening anymore. Plus, a girlâs night sounds a lot more fun.â
Your poor, gullible, traitorous heart jolts. âAriâs gonna be there?â
Unlike Steve, Ari was still texting you and trying to somehow see you in person. Youâd successfully avoided him since the supply closet meeting. And yet, you couldnât stop thinking about him either. God, were you just incapable of not thinking about the two fuckboys who had fucked your entire life up!?
âYep, but it wonât bother me, I promise.â Sharon says determinedly, âThe banquet hall is huge, so Iâll easily just avoid him. Heâs probably gonna be super busy, anyways. Word has it that theyâre giving him the Basketball MVP award this year.â
âOh,â you breathe, before quickly clearing your throat, âI donât know, Sharon. It sounds like fun, butââ
âCurtis says that heâs going to the gala with the basketball team, and that no one else is bringing dates,â Wanda interrupts you as she reads the latest text from her boyfriend. Finally, she looks up, âI guess Iâll go with you girls, then.â
âGreat!â Sharon cheers, âYouâre in too, right, Y/N?â
You smile, not really knowing what to say. Being in the same banquet hall as Ari and Sharon? At the same time? That was just trouble waiting to happen.
But is this how you were going to spend the rest of the college year? Letting your feelings towards Ari dictate where you went and didnât go? You think about the old you, the one before Ari or Steve or anyone. The one who loved to dress up and go out to have fun. Before Wanda had got a boyfriend, the two of you used to go out all the time. Another girlsâ night wouldnât harm anyone, would it?
Sharon senses your hesitation, âCome on,â she urges, âItâs not like Steveâs even gonna be there. Itâs strictly a St. Andrewsâ event.â
You bite your lip. You doubted youâd ever see Steve again. Clearly, since he no longer texted you either. And a part of you is bittersweet as you think about what could have been. Absentmindedly, your eyes divert to your desk chair, where his blue and white varsity jacket still lies. You hadnât even thought to throw it away. You bet it still smells like himâŠ
Oh God, you had to get over him. Get over both of them and get the fuck out of this funk you were in. So what if Ari would be there too? This was your chance to prove to yourself that his presence didnât make a difference in how you lived your life.
You take a deep breath, âOkay. Iâll go.â
***
 PART II
âOpen up, sleepyhead. Iâm not leaving and Iâll camp outside your door if you donât open it.â
Youâd woken up the next day to a loud knocking on your door. And youâd tried to ignore him. You really had. It was so much easier to just remain in bed, rotting and feeling sorry for yourself despite the promise youâd made yourself to get over the two men whoâd betrayed your trust, and get out of the funk you were in. But the knocking was incessant, going from soft-knuckled raps to full on banging. You were sure heâd wake up your entire building, and then youâd have to pay a noise fine.
Thatâs why Iâm opening the door, you think to yourself. Not because I actually want to see him.
And thereâs Ari, standing outside your door with a picnic basket under his arm. And he looks kind of funny, his big athletic self holding such a dainty little thing. He also looks extremely pleased with himself, and you donât even have the energy within you to argue with him or tell him to leave. You and him had gone non-contact ever since the confrontation inside the supply closet. Or rather, youâd gone non-contact whilst Ari tried to find ways to talk to you. He couldnât corner you on campus anymore because you were usually with Sharon, and youâd changed your locks so he couldnât exactly barge into your dorm room like how he used to.
âGo away, Ari.â
âHey, nice to see you too. I come bearing food, because I know you havenât eaten. And donât ask me how I know, I just know.â Ari says breezily, and you frown at how chipper heâs acting. As if the last time youâd seen him you hadnât stormed away and told him the two of you could never see each other again.
He follows you inside, and you quickly swipe Steveâs varsity jacket under your desk so he doesnât see it. You donât know why you still havenât thrown it out but you really canât be bothered to get into another fight with Ari over it.
Earlier in the day, Sharon had texted you asking if youâd wanted to hang out. Youâd declined, finding the comfortability of your bed and the prospect of watching old reruns of trashy reality television much more interesting. What you hadnât expected was Ari Levinson of all people showing up at your door, however. Although, youâre not too surprised. He was still texting you nonstop, wanting to show you how heâd âchanged.â
Ari plops the picnic basket on top of your desk, and you sigh, sitting down on your desk chair while he grabs a stool. You already know how this is going to go. Heâd tell you to open it, youâd say no, heâd say yes, youâd say no again. Then heâd open it and make you see the contents anyways. You decide to stop wasting either of your time and look inside the basket yourself.
âCheese sandwiches?â
âUh huh. And donât knock it till you try one, sweetheart. My mom makes these for me.â Ari winks before flashing you a smile. And doesnât contain even a hint of his usual cockiness or smugness â itâs just a regular little smile that makes his eyes light up all pretty too. And youâre not used to it at all, it looks almost displaced on his face. Was he being genuine? You canât even tell anymore. But probably not.
You pick one up and eye it carefully, and your heart canât help but throb at the thought of him standing in his kitchen making it for you. Big, bad basketball captain fuckboy Ari Levinson carefully cutting the sandwich into little triangles and packing it up for you in this little picnic basket. How had Ari even gotten hold of a picnic basket to begin with?
âSo, itâs a family recipe?â You take a cautious bite.
âYep. Passed down from generation to generation. Donât ask me how you make it because itâs a Levinson family secret,â he grabs a sandwich of his own and wolfs it down in two bites, âI mean, you could always become a Levinson yourself and have my kid, then Iâd tell you.â
Your cheeks heat up. Oh, a few weeks ago he didnât even want a relationship with you and now he was joking about marriage and kids?! Would you ever understand him?
âIt must be some recipe,â you remark, trying your best to keep your tone even and unamused. Instead of looking at him, you observe the sandwich. It tastes good â heâs used some type of expensive artisan bread and fancy cheese. A step above your average grilled cheese, and it tastes even better on an empty stomach since he was right, you hadnât eaten anything since last night.
âIt is. Have another one,â he thrusts another sandwich in your hand.
Your frown, âAri, stop, I donât wantââ
âYou havenât eaten all day, (Y/N).â His tone drops, growing more serious.
âWell, stop acting like you care!â You shoot back.
But Ari looks unperturbed as he helps himself to a third sandwich (he was going through them remarkably fast), âI do care.â
âYou donât.â
âI do.â
âYou donât.â
âYes, I fucking do,â he says, the slight sharpness in his voice taking you aback. âWhat other girl have I cooked for and lugged a fucking picnic basket halfway across campus for?â
You settle back begrudgingly, taking another bite out of the sandwich, âIâd hardly call this cooking.â
You know you sound mean and bitter, but itâs like you canât help it. Like thereâs a deep black hole filled with anger still swirling within you. Anger at both Ari and Steve and you donât know how to sort through it or make it go away.
âOh yeah? Well, youâve never cooked for me so Iâd say youâre hardly an expert on the subject.â Ari shoots back, grabbing another sandwich from the picnic basket as well as a can of soda. âYou want a coke?â
âNo.â
You start tearing your sandwich into tiny pieces just so you have something else to focus on and you donât have to look at his face. Because youâre afraid this newfound earnesty of his, afraid it would reel you back in hook, line and sinker. Afraid he was just putting on an act to convince you heâd âchanged.â Thatâs also why youâre being cold â you canât let your walls down with him again. Not this time. Not when Sharon was literally your friend now.
âSo, I was thinking we could catch a movie after we eat,â Ari continues talking all casually as if the majority of the conversation so far hasnât been extremely one-sided. âHave you seen the new Godzilla vs Kong? Probably not, youâre not into stuff like that.â He pauses only to consume his sandwich in two huge bites, before grabbing another one. His voracious appetite almost makes you smile. Almost. The only other times youâd seen him look this starved was when he was going down on youâŠ
No, stop! Donât think about that!
âSure, we could watch some girly movie instead, but youâd have to pick it because I have no idea about shit like that, obviouslyââ
âI told you; we canât go anywhere that Sharon or someone might see us. Besides, the last thing I want to do is go out with you. In fact, you can show yourself out now because Iâm gonna go back to bedââ
Ari slams his coke can down on your desk with a loud clunk. You jump, before narrowing your eyes at him. First, he practically broke into your room, then forced you to eat his dumb sandwiches. Now he was making obnoxious noises? Oh, you were just about done with himâ
âThatâs it.â he grunts, standing up to his full height. You gape up at him, suddenly nervous. You barely have the chance to yelp before he grabs your arm, yanking you up with him.
âHey! What do you think youâre doing?!â
He lifts you up off the ground with ease, throwing you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. You start pounding on his back immediately, but you only hear him snort in return.
âPut me down right now, Ari! Iâm not in the mood for this! Put me down!â
âI gave you a pass to be a little sassy, but you need to remember whoâs in charge.â He starts walking across the room. And you may as well have been an insect on his back with how unbothered he was by you wiggling and trying to fight out of his grip. Oh god, what was he going to do?!
Panic bubbles up in your chest, your heartrate increasing tenfold in about five seconds flat. You struggle harder against him, before realising thereâs no use. He was way too strong. You shut your eyes and brace yourself; any moment now heâd throw you on the bed and have his way with you just like he always did, just like how Steve had tried to do, and youâd be powerless to stop him because you couldnât stop anyone, and they all just wanted one thing, andâ
âPlease donât,â you whisper, on the verge of tears, âPlease, I canât have sex. I donât want to have sex, please donât make me. Please, please donât make me.â
Ari freezes, and you wish you could see his expression but in your current predicament, dangling over his shoulder, you cannot. But then he starts walking again, and he goes straight past your bed. Thatâs when you notice the picnic basket in his other hand.
âIâm not trying to sleep with you.â He mutters.
Oh. But then what was he doing?
You get your answer less than a moment later, when he swings your door open and carries you outside. Thatâs when you start punching his back again.
âAri, take me back inside! Iâm serious, okay? Someoneâs gonna seeââ
âThen I suggest you stop making so much noise thatâs gonna attract attention towards us.â He shoots back, giving you a reprimanding pat on your thigh. Not your ass, you note, but your thigh. Immediately, you shut up. But you fix a scowl on your face, vowing youâd keep it there permanently until he could see it.
A minute later, he dumps you unceremoniously into the passenger seat of his car. By the time you scramble into sitting position, heâs already in the driverâs seat. The doors, predictably, are locked.
âSo, it wasnât enough that you barged into my dorm room uninvited. You felt the need to kidnap me, too?â You snap, irritated yet at the same time slightly amused. But you canât let him know that. No, you had to maintain your ice queen persona.
âPlease,â Ari snorts, starting up the car. âYou were talking about going back to bed. If anything, Iâm doing you a favour. Itâs a nice day, sweetheart, let the sun shine on your face for a few hours.â
You deepen your scowl, crossing your arms over your chest, âIâm not going outside.â
âYes, you are.â
âNo, Iâm literally not, Ari. Because you didnât even think to let me put my shoes on.â You wiggle your bare toes, suddenly feeling the strong urge to smile at the ridiculousness of your whole predicament. But you pout to cover it up, suppressing whatever amusement youâre feeling because you donât want him to see.
âDonât fucking pout, it makes me want to kiss you.â Ari murmurs, keeping his eyes on the road but you can see him licking his lips.
âDonât.â
âDid I say I was going to? I said I want to. Thereâs a difference.â
Again, you want to smile. You quickly turn your head away, looking out the window instead, watching the trees and buildings roll by as he drives you out of campus. âWhatever, just stay away from me.â
âDonât be a brat.â Thereâs a warning edge to his tone, one that youâve come to know very well. But surprisingly, you donât feel unsafe. For once, you feel like maybe he wonât just stop the car in the middle of nowhere and try to fuck you.
Youâve been in Ariâs car before, and youâre no stranger to how it always goes when youâre in here. Back in the early days of you two hooking up, heâd pick you up in the dead of the night. And you were so innocent, youâd think of these midnight drives as romantic, magical even. Heâd have a cigarette in his mouth, his long hair either slicked back or flowing in the cool night air. A wild look in his eyes as heâd pull you inside and kiss you headily while still trying to focus on the road. And heâd have one hand on your thigh, squeezing it before pushing his fingers between your legs.
In his hazy, smoke-filled car, youâd always find yourself underneath him. Splayed out in his backseat while he licked his lips and loomed above you. His dark silhouette so handsome, and you remember thinking how he was such a bad boy, and you were such a good girl, and how hot it was. Heâd tell you how much he loved the tight little skirts you always wore, and yet heâd always rip them in half and then laugh and kiss you when you pouted. Tell you how heâd been waiting all day to fuck you, how he just couldnât wait now that he had you, that heâd been thinking about you and him, that he just had to have you now.
You remember feeling like such a little girl compared to him. Ari was a senior after all, and you only a freshman. Once, youâd tried to impress him by wearing red lipstick. That night, heâd pulled you over the console and made you suck his dick. Till your red lip prints were all over his fat cock, and heâd told you how you were such a good girl, and he loved how cute you were, and that he knew you were trying to impress him.
 All those nights in his car, and you remember each time youâd ask him if heâd broken up with Sharon, and each time heâd tell you that he was âworking on it.â That he didnât see a future with her, that you were so much more special. âI canât stop thinking about you and I,â heâd say, blue eyes dreamy and you thought he sounded so earnest. And eagerly youâd say the same, excited that someone like him could ever be that interested in someone like you.
And then heâd push you into the backseat, or heâd stay in the driverâs seat and pull you into his lap. Or sometimes, if the place you were parked at was secluded enough, he would take you on the hood of his car. Fuck you in every way imaginable, use your body for his pleasure whilst also giving you the most intense pleasure youâd ever felt. And sometimes, the moonlight would reflect off his eyes and make him look like something so special, and youâd feel so special, and youâd feel like you were in a movie. You still remember it now.
You doubt Ari does, though. You doubt those nights were ever special to him.
âWhere are we?â You ask fifteen minutes later when he pulls up somewhere. You peer out the window and see trees â a bunch of them. Heâs parked in a clearing, only a single dirt road leading up to it and the rest of the area covered in a thick forest of trees. The sun sparkles through the leaves, and you can hear birds chirping louder than you ever do back in the city. âAre we in the woods?â
âYep.â Heâs out of the car in an instant, grabbing the picnic backet which heâd thrown haphazardly into the backseat before making his way to your door. âCâmon, letâs go.â
âIf you think Iâm going to hike out into the woods barefootââ
Ari scoffs, âDonât worry your pedicured little feet off, princess,â he turns around, âHop on.â
You eye him carefully, as if youâre assessing a threat. Going into the woods with Ari of all people may not be the best of gameplans for someone who was actively trying to avoid men in general. When Steve had forced himself on you, it had been in his room and luckily Kira had been nearby. The secluded woods, however, were a completely different story.
And yet, itâs like you know deep down that Ari wonât do anything. Not this time. Then again, youâve been wrong about him before. Were you being naĂŻve all over again?
Maybe you were, but you hop on to his back anyways. His muscular arms catch you easily as you wind your legs around his waist. Your arms lock around his neck and you nestle close to him instinctively. So close that you can smell his grape shampoo, and you admire how pretty his hair is, how it curls up slightly at the base of his neck like heâs a movie star or something.
You hate how youâre still so attracted to him.
He gives you a piggyback ride all the way into the woods, and itâs kind of neat being up so high. Ari was so tall, and with you on his back you felt like you were six foot six inches too. So this is what he sees, you think to yourself, finally indulging in the nature that surrounds the two of you. The way the oak trees soar up as high as skyscrapers, how the smaller trees sway with the breeze. The rustling of the leaves, and you think you hear a distant trickling of water, too.
âItâs nice here, isnât it?â Ari breaks the comfortable silence, continuing to trek forward into the woods.
Youâre about to heartily agree, before you remember the cold persona youâre meant to be adopting with him. So, in the dullest, most bored and nonchalant voice you can muster up, you say: âItâs whatever, I guess.â
He snorts.
You frown, âAre you laughing at me?â
âNope.â He sounds amused.
âYes, you are!â
âWell, itâs cute how youâre trying so hard to be something youâre clearly not.â
Youâre thankful that he canât see the way your jaw drops open, âAnd what exactly do you think Iâm trying to be?â
He shrugs, inadvertently bouncing you up and down on his back.
âDonât worry, sweetheart. I like this sassy side of you. Especially since I know youâre still the same naĂŻve little baby on the inside.â He looks back at you, and you catch a glimpse of his glittering eyes, framed by those impossibly long eyelashes.
âI am not!â
Ari chuckles, âYou can act as tough as you want, it amuses me how cute you look when you do it.â
You scowl, despite the fact that his constant flirting was starting to thaw you from the inside out, making your cheeks burn and your mind feel more muddled than ever. What was the truth and what was a manipulation? This was him just trying to win you over so he could fuck you, right?? Or maybe, maybe he genuinely liked you⊠Maybeâ
You forcibly make yourself scowl again, âFuck you.â
âSay that again and Iâll drop you,â He threatens.
âDonât you dare!â You squeal, winding your arms tighter around his neck, almost choking him.
He snickers as if heâs cracked the funniest joke in the world, before continuing to walk. The two of you settle into another spell of comfortable silence. You take in all the bushes full of wild berries, the pretty flowers that are luckily in full bloom, scenting the air with a sweet fragrance that tickles your nostrils pleasantly. Another gentle breeze has you relaxing more against Ari, and youâre almost about to nuzzle your face against his strong shoulder before you catch yourself and freeze.
âI discovered this place last year,â Ari announces five minutes later, gently setting you down on a patch of vibrant grass. To your delight, only a few feet away from you is a stream! The water flows and sparkles in the afternoon sunlight, rushing over rocks and plants and making a pleasant trickling sound that has an oddly calming effect on you. And the grass feels nice against your toes, so much so that you donât even mind your bare feet on the ground.
You donât say anything, just watching as Ari settles down beside you with the picnic basket. You stretch your limbs out, secretly happy that he brought you out here, that you didnât spend another day rotting in bed.
âI found this place last year,â Ari repeats, âA few of us were camping nearby and I hiked out further away to see if I could get cell reception. Thatâs when I found this place.â He leans back, lying down completely with his arms crossed behind his head, âItâs nice and private here, huh?â
A thought enters your head, jolting you down to the core, âPrivate? So, this where you brought Sharon? Or your other hookups?â
âNo. Youâre the first person Iâve ever brought here.â
The straightforwardness of his answer jars you, and you find you have no quip or jab to respond with. Instead, hesitantly, you lie down too. A few inches away from him, but he makes no move to grab you or pull you closer. A large part of you is relieved, but you want to strangle the tiny part of you thatâs disappointed that heâs not touched you.
âItâs nice.â You say finally.
âYeah, I come here sometimes. To admire the nature or whatever.â
That makes you pause, and you look at him incredulously. Heâs lying there with his eyes closed, yet heâs got a completely straight face.
âYou? Admiring nature?â
Ari scoffs, âIs that so hard to believe?â
âYes, actually.â You canât imagine Ari of all people, who only cared about basketball, partying and sex, to be one with nature. Unless it was weed. âWhat aspect fascinated you the most?â
Thereâs a long beat of silence.
âI donât know, the plants and shit?â
You canât help but burst out laughing. And it feels good, to just let go and laugh for a bit. To just forget about how shitty you feel and just laugh. Even if itâs just for a moment, to just forget about how awful Ariâs been to you in the past, how awful Steve turned out to be too, just forget it all and allow yourself to laugh. And you canât even remember the last time you laughed.
âHaha, very funny,â Ari rolls his eyes, but you can see the slight smile playing on his lips before he clears his throat. âAlright fine, I couldnât give a fuck about nature. But I do like this place, itâs good for when I need to think.â He hesitates, âWhen I was dating Sharon, I felt like I never had the space to really think, and so Iâd come here.â
You cease your laughter immediately at the mention of her name. Now that you were friends with Sharon, it made it a lot harder to talk about her with Ari. Because now, she was actually a person to you rather than some distant illusion that you tried not to think about. And it wasnât her fault that Ari felt he couldnât think with her around. She wasnât the villain here, Ari was.
You clear your throat, heart suddenly beating very fast. âC-Could I ask you a question? And please donât lie, okay? Just be honest with me, Ari. For once.â
He nods, not saying anything else.
âWere there others?â You ask hushedly, your tone wavering slightly as you voice the thought youâve never wanted to speak into existence, never even dared to wonder about. âWas I just one of many girls that you were cheating on her with?â
Ari sits up, rubbing his temple. You watch him carefully, watch how his eyes scrunch shut before opening. He blinks several times, his lips pressed into a thin line before they part and he exhales slowly. Then, he turns your way, looking you dead in the eye.
âNo. There were other girls before you, but once I slept with you, it was only you from then on out.â
âYeah, me and Sharon.â You say bitterly, although the guilt is eating you up inside. You feel guilty for even feeling hurt or bitter, because he was never yours to begin with. Sharon was the girlfriend â she had every right to feel hurt and bitter. You? You were just the other woman. All you should be feeling was guilt and shame. Especially since here you were, out alone with him again when youâd vowed yourself you wouldnât do this.
You sit back up too, and he makes a move to grab your hand but you shuffle away quickly. You hug your knees, resting your chin against them as you huddle into yourself. You can feel his gaze penetrating holes into you, but you only focus on the steady flow of water in the stream.
âEven with Sharon, it didnât feel right sleeping with her. Not after Iâd been with you.â
 âThen why didnât you break up with her?â Your voice breaks at the last second, and you turn away from him so he canât see the lone tear that trails down one side of your face. Just a second ago youâd been laughing and now here you were, crying over the same question that had plagued your mind for months. The question that had been beaten to death, and yet you knew youâd never get a straight up, honest response.
Ari sighs, and you hear him moving closer to you. A second later, he takes hold of your chin, gently turning your face back to him.
âHey, listen to me. I was an asshole, okay?â He sucks in a breath, closing his eye again for a handful of seconds. You want to look away but you canât help but watch him, watch as he breathes, watch as he finally opens his mouth again. âBefore you came along, I was this guy⊠This hotshot guy who could do whatever and everyone would just worship the ground I walked on. And, well, I guess I thrived on that. I liked how easily I could use women. I knew I had a girlfriend but I liked how I could get any girl to sleep with meââ
âI donât want to hear this,â you mumble, pushing away from him.
âNo, wait, Iâm just trying to explain myself.â He runs a hand through his mane impatiently, âLook, Iâll admit it. All those times I strung you along, it was to feed my own ego. For a while, it felt like I was on top of the world, like I had two girls and neither of them knew any better, andââ
âStop telling me this,â your voice hitches, more tears rolling down your cheeks.
âI was being a fucking asshole, thatâs what Iâm trying to say!â Ari grabs your hand as if to stop you from running away, a note of frustration in his tone. Or was it desperation? âIâve never been good with voicing my feelings and all of that shit, but thatâs what Iâm trying to do right now. When I saw you with Steve, itâs like he was taking my girl, taking away everything Iâve always wanted. The night of the party, and then again at the game, when I saw you with him⊠It got me so fucking heated, and Iâd never felt like that before. It felt like I was wasting my time in a relationship I clearly didnât want to be in, and he was moving in on the girl I did want to be with.â
You look up at him, breathing heavily yet not daring to say a word.
âIâm sorry for lying to you, Iâm sorry for using you. Iâm sorry that it took you being with someone else for me to finally wake up and realise youâre the only one Iâve wanted this whole time.â His hand slips up to cup your cheek, and itâs like youâre frozen. You donât know if you want to stop him or if you want to lean into his touch. You donât know if this moment is even real. If this stream is real or if the woods are real or if Ari is real or if he really is saying everything youâve ever wanted him to say.
âWhy couldnât you have said all this before?â You say shakily, afraid to look him in the eyes in case you see anything other than sincerity, in case you see even an inkling, even the tiniest spark of a hint that he was manipulating you.
âI was immature.â He continues to wipe your tears, before making you look up at him. âI was just so wrapped up in being the guy who could have any girl I wanted, but I promise you Iâve grown out of that now.â
âReally?â Your voice comes out so small, filled with hope mixed with a bit of hesitance.
Ari nods, âYou said before that people donât change overnight. But if you let me show you, Iâll prove to you that I have. And that Iâm serious about us.â
Ice queen persona be damned. You feel more tears well up in your eyes. âY-You are?â
âYes. I wasnât going to mention this butâŠâ He runs a hand through his hair, brushing back a wayward lock that flops over his forehead, before taking hold of your hand, âThere was an NBA scout at the last game. He said they want to sign me, that a lot of teams are eyeing me as a draft pick.â
Oh. The NBA. That put everything into perspective for you. He wasnât like you, with three and a half years of college ahead of you. No, he was almost done⊠And then heâd be gone. Youâre happy for him â the NBA was a huge deal after all. But you also feel a little sick, like timeâs going by too quickly, like maybe youâre not ready to let go yet after all.
Your mind also briefly flits to Steve. Had he been approached by an NBA scout too? You think back to when youâd last seen him, outside your dorm room with the dark circles under his eyes, the withdrawn look on his face. He didnât look like someone whoâd just been scouted by the NBA. Oh God, were you feeling bad for him now?!
âCongratulations.â You say slowly, not really knowing how to feel. Suddenly, youâre hyper aware of Ari holding your hand, and now itâs like you donât want him to let go.
âThe reason Iâm telling you this is because I have it all planned out. Our future.â Ari continues, looking more serious than youâve ever seen him look. âI know youâll still be in school, but I really think we could make it work. And by the time you graduate, Iâll have made it. We could settle down together, and Iâd make it all up to you. Thatâs how serious I am about us.â
You simply just stare at him in complete awe. Who was this man? It was like an alien from outer space had taken over Ariâs body. Because the Ari Levinson you knew was a manipulator and a cheater. A man who stayed away from commitment with a ten-foot pole, a man who had just now professed to you that he enjoyed two-timing his girlfriend because it made him feel like he was on top of the world.
And yet⊠And yet youâre only just a girl, and you canât help but picture the story his words are painting for you. Just indulge yourself a little bit, just a tiny little bit⊠You know youâre teetering on thin ice, and you know how dangerous it is to allow yourself hope when it comes to Ari. Hadnât he squandered your hope time and time again for all those months he never made you his girlfriend?
But you canât help but imagine, canât help but think maybe this time he means what he saysâŠ
âWe could buy a house in the countryside?â You whisper.
Ari cracks a smile, âSure. And you could pop out a few Levinson babies too, make cheese sandwiches for all of them.â
âIâd have to establish myself as a model or a fashion designer before that.â You say, feeling the corners of your lips twitch upwards as you dare yourself to dream.
He looks amused, âFashion designer, yes. Model, no. Too many pervy photographers.â
âIâll be a model if I want to be one!â
âNo.â
âYes!â
âNo way.â
âYes way!â
âFine. Iâll be in the NBA and you can be a model. Maybe. Weâll cross that bridge when we get to it.â He chucks you under the chin playfully, like how he used to do all the time. And you giggle, feeling like youâre floating. Like the two of you are encased in a bubble and youâre floating and timeâs standing still and just for this one moment you could pretend everything was alright and your future with him was as secure as he was making it out to be.
âAnd youâd never lie to me again?â
He nods, âI wouldnât. Never again.â And then he takes a deep breath, âThereâs this fundraising gala thing coming up, and Iâm supposed to win an award. Iâd love it if you could come with me as my date.â He says with a note of seriousness in his tone, tucking a piece of your hair behind your ear.
But rather than let you answer, he instead cups your face with both hands, pressing his forehead against yours. Immediately, the smile on your face freezes, and now you can feel every pore, every muscle, every cell in your body screaming. Screaming for what? For him to kiss you? Oh GodâŠ
âLet me kiss you,â he breathes out of nowhere, sounding like heâs parched. âPlease, baby. I know Iâve fucked up but I want to kiss you so bad right now.â
âOh, AriâŠâ
âPlease.â
You never thought youâd live to see the day where Ari Levinson was begging you for anything. It was such a stark contrast from how your relationship had begun, almost as if the tables had turned now. Were tables capable of turning that quickly? Or was this all part of an act? Oh, youâre sick of asking yourself that question! Whatâs real and true is that earnesty in his eyes, and you want to kiss him so bad too. So fucking bad.
He moves closer, and so do you. Inch by inch, almost like first-time lovers. His lips purse slightly, looking so warm and soft and inviting. Closer, so close that they brush against yours for a second, and you can hear him breathing and you know he can hear you too. You wonder if he can hear your heart too, hear how it beats louder for him than it does for anyone else.
âWe shouldnâtâŠâ you murmur, but your words are laced with doubt. Just one kiss, your mind cajoles you, just one kiss wonât hurt.
Thereâs a gentle breeze around the two of you, swirling softly. Rustling through his hair, feeling cool against your face. Encasing the two of you in a private whirlpool where itâs just you two, and the sound of the stream, and the beat of your hearts.
âI know, but I want to so bad,â Ariâs hands are cupping your face so tenderly, his thumbs stroking your cheekbones as he slowly angles your face upwards. âPlease, let me kiss you. Just once.â
Itâs like the breeze jostles you forward, as if the universe wants you to kiss him. Your willpowerâs hanging on by just a thread, your mind swarming with memories of every time you and him had kissed in the past. How magical it had felt for you, how it felt like you could never find someone whoâd kiss you like that again. Oh, fuck your willpower!
He surges forward one last time, but his lips have barely touched yours before you pull away, turning your head to the side. Breathing hard, the anticipation still burning through your body in waves. Heart beating like crazy, and yet you swallow and shake your head.
âAri, we canât,â you force yourself to say firmly.
Ari sits back, looking slightly dazed and yet running a hand through his hair in frustration. For a second, you wonder if heâll be mad, call you a tease for leading him on. Call you a slut, tell you how the least you could do was kiss him in return for all heâd done for you today. But he just sighs thoughtfully.
âNot until I come clean to Sharon about everything,â You explain, âAnd I know about the gala, Sharon told me. I-Iâm actually going with her and Wanda, like a girlsâ night.â
He raises an eyebrow before nodding slowly, âWell, as long as I get to see you there when I go up on stage to accept the award.â
âYeah, but we canât talk or interact or anything. Sharonâs my friend now, and I owe her the truth before anything more can happen between us.â
Ari gazes at you carefully, but thereâs a hopeful glint in his eye. âSo, itâs just the Sharon issue then. You forgive me for everything else?â
You hesitate. Well, did you? Did you forgive him for leading you on? Lying to you multiple times? Manipulating you? Leaving you drunk and high and alone in a party bathroom? God, why did he have to remind you of the asshole heâd been all this time, up until very recently? It pops the bubble your mind has created right now, the one that you and him were encased in, in this little clearing in the woods.
âI donât know if I forgive you.â You say honestly, hoping he doesnât question you further.
To your surprise, he doesnât. Instead, he lies back down on the grass, stretching his long limbs out to make himself comfortable. You watch him as he lazily grabs another cheese sandwich from the picnic basket, wolfing it down before offering you one. Stifling a smile, you shake your head.
Ari shrugs, âWell fine, more for me.â
And itâs later, after the two of you sit there by the stream in comfortable silence for a little while longer. After heâs piggy-backed you back to his car, and after heâs driven you back home. Itâs when heâs pulling up to your building, that he puts his hand on your knee to make you look at him.
âI know you said before that nobody changes overnight, but that doesnât mean I wonât stop trying until you see that I have.â He says firmly, his hand feeling so warm on your leg, causing heatwaves to radiate up and down your whole being. âAnd I know you, baby. I know you like me too. I know you want this to work out between us too. And it will. Once you tell Sharon, and weâre free to be together, everythingâs gonna work out. Youâll see.â
Oh, he was so cocky! And yet, itâs a different type of cockiness than what youâve usually come to associate with him. Itâs more of an honest sincerity, this confidence that one day youâll be his. And oh, you want to believe him! You really do! You want to believe in a perfect world where Ari proves himself to be more than just a manipulative fuckboy, a world where Sharon understands and forgives you for everything.
A world where you forget all about Steve Rogers, and never find yourself thinking about him⊠Thinking about what could have been.
You say nothing, not until heâs carried you back into your dorm room. Not until heâs about to leave. Thatâs when you speak.
âAri?â
âYeah?â
âThank you.â
He looks surprised, as if he hadnât really been expecting you to say anything at all after his whole speech. The truth was, youâd been silent for a while now, ever since the two of you had almost kissed in the woods. But thereâs a newfound serenity inside you, a feeling that wasnât there before.
âFor what?â He asks, a shy little smile on his face. One youâve never seen on him before.
For bringing me outside. For taking me to your special place. For not making a big deal out of it when I didnât want to kiss you. For carrying me. For not losing your patience with me. For making me laugh. For making me smile again.
âFor the cheese sandwiches.â
***
The night of the gala is cold for springtime, the blustering winds revving up and roaring to life. Looking outside your window, you can see the smaller trees swaying roughly against the unforgiving nature of what looks to be the beginnings of a windstorm. It gives you a peculiar foreboding feeling, listening to the ominous whistling of the winds, so loud as if theyâre warning you. You back away from your window, and yet something inside you doesnât close it and lock it as you know you should.
You float back over to your vanity table, feeling pretty in your new dress that you and Sharon had gone shopping for, just how sheâd promised. You havenât felt this pretty in a long time, and as you gaze at your reflection, you feel another pang of foreboding. Quickly, you busy yourself with powdering your nose and fixing your hair, wondering if maybe you should have agreed to get ready with Wanda and Sharon after all. Youâd told them you wanted some alone time before the busyness of the gala. Some time to yourself where you could draw a bubble bath, and then shave and pluck and preen and pamper yourself till you felt somewhat ready for the big night out.
And it had made you feel better, your solo pamper session. Sure, your thoughts had spun into overdrive as they always did. Replaying all your recent interactions with Ari, with Steve, even with Sharon. The reflection made you chuckle at one point, because when had your life become so like a tumultuous soap opera? With secrets and lies and betrayal and deceit coming from all corners?
A loud gust of wind knocks you out of your reverie, and again you feel it. The feeling that something big is swirling up in the atmosphere, like the howling wind itself is trying to warn you that soon, it would all come to head.
âFuck you! Try anâ scratch me again and see what happens!â
Your head snaps up at the sound of the familiar male voice. And itâs the proximity that makes your heart skip a beat. The voice sounded close, like it was coming from mere feet away from you. Fearfully, you look back at your window, only to see that same angelic face you know so well seemingly levitating outside.
âSteve?â You whisper, blinking several times. He doesnât seem to hear you, and you wonder whether youâre imagining things. Slowly, you venture forward, back to your window which lies open. And thatâs where you find him, standing on the ledge outside of your bedroom window which was two storeys high.
Steve whacks a wayward branch that looks to be tangled in his jacket. And his movements are oddly sluggish as he flips the bird at the tree adjacent to your building which the brand is attached to. âDamn stupid fuckinâ tree, tryna pick a fight with me,â he mutters before his eyes fall on you, and they brighten up instantly, âHey, baby girl, fancy seeing you here!â
And then he bursts into a fit of giggles, while you just stare at him in awe, your mind still not having come to terms with the fact that Steve had somehow climbed all the way up to your window. In the dark. With the wind blustering insanely around him. Warily, you peek downwards, heart jumping all the way up to your throat when you see how heâs just casually balancing on the extremely thin ledge, the street below looking very minuscule with how high up your floor was.
âHow did you get up here?â You breathe, still half in shock that heâs here that you forget how explosively your last encounter with him had gone down.
âWho, me?â
âYes, of course you. Who else!?â
He shrugs, âScaled that tree over there, then it decided to scratch me so I fought it off anâ jumped onto the ledge. Now here I am!â He ends his explanation with a flourish that causes him to stumble backwards. It almost happens in slow motion; you donât even have a chance to react to what youâre seeing. But he catches his balance again just in time, grinning up at you mischievously.
âWhoops!â He laughs heartily, a type of laugh youâve never really heard from him before. He shuffles along the ledge till he finds a spot heâs more comfortable with, leaning in through your window and shooting you a smile, âalmost fell to my death there, didnât I?â
âSteve, you need to get back down. Youâll hurt yourself.â You bite your lip, wondering whether you should let him in through your window just so heâd be safe. But the thought of being alone with him within the four walls of a bedroom again gives you the creeps, and so you refrain.
âMaybe I want to hurt myself,â he answers, staring at you almost quizzically. His lips are full, his cheeks flushed. His hair looks longer and even more unkempt than last time, that stubble still on his face, his eyes dark and unfocused. It was weird, because youâd always known Steve to be meticulously well-groomed and almost preppy with his clean-cut good looks. He was still handsome as ever now, but he looks darker, almost tortured, with dark bags under his eyes and even his cheeks looked kind of hollow.
âIâm serious, climb back down.â
âI just wanted to see you again,â he breathes softly, and his entire expression morphs to tender as he reaches out to touch your face. âAnd I knew you wouldnât let me in the normal way.â
You canât help but flinch away, and he sighs, bringing his hand back down to grip at your windowsill, âYouâre so pretty.â
Thatâs when you smell it. Vodka. Suddenly, his erratic behaviour makes a lot more sense. His pupils are dark and blown out, and heâs swaying dangerously on the spot.
âYouâre drunk, Steve.â
âNah,â he bats his hand dismissively, but with such force that he stumbles forward. And again, your heart lurches in your throat, thinking heâs going to fall. But lithely, he grabs on to something or the other, regains his balance, and flashes you another smile, âokay, maybe a little bit. But being drunk helps.â
You frown, not knowing whether to feel scared or concerned, âWhat do you mean?â
He shrugs, âHelps to forget all the shitty stuff.â
A wave of anger passes through you, âShitty stuff? You mean like all the awful things you said to me when you tried to force yourself on me?â Hell, maybe you should be the one drinking if it meant you could forget how heâd called you an easy slut.
Steve bows his head, still swaying slightly, âIâm so sorry, baby.â
âDonât call me baby.â
âOkay. Iâm sorry, sweetie.â
âStop it, Steve. Iâm serious.â
He sighs again, âSo am I. I hate how I lose control like that. Itâs like I zone out, and something takes over me and Iâm there on fucking standby. Watching this one version of myself lash out and say all these shitty things anâ I canât do anything to stop it. Â And when I zone back in, itâs too late anâ I canât take anything back.â
He explains with surprising eloquence, despite being so drunk. And God, why did he have to look all rugged and heartbroken right now? Dismissing him would be so much easier if he was ugly.
Thereâs an emotion swelling up inside you as you look at him now, but you try to suppress it. Instead, remembering your ice queen persona, you cross your arms over your chest and force yourself to narrow your eyes. âIs that your explanation? That you zoned out? Because honestly, the lack of accountabilityââ
âI donât think youâre a slut,â Steve interrupts you, âyouâre sweet, and beautiful, and innocent. Thatâs what I thought the night I first saw you. And sure, I guess I used you because I was trying to get back at himââ
You flinch. There it was again. The reminder that Steve had indeed used you. And youâd fallen for it⊠Hook, line and sinker.
ââbut at least Iâm honest enough to admit it. Doesnât that count for something?â
He finishes, blinking up at you with large eyes framed with those impossibly thick lashes, as if waiting for you to respond. When you donât, he sighs, swaying again as another strong gust of wind attacks from the outside.
âI like you a lot, okay? I know I havenât known you as long as he has, but it doesnât matter. I think what we have is special.â Â He swallows, his eyes squinting as he searches across the plains of your face, either trying to gauge your thoughts or trying to come up with the right words to say next. âAnd I know I fucked it up because thatâs what I always do. So fuck it, I donât care anymore.â
He shoves his hand inside his jacket, conjuring up a glass bottle of Gray Goose vodka out of what seems to be thin air. Your jaw drops open as you watch him take a hearty swig from it â and it was already half empty!
âOkay, that was a lie. I do still care.â He wipes his mouth roughly, stumbling about and still very much on the window ledge. âThereâs just so much going on inside my head,â he says, and he demonstrates by smacking the side of his head with his open palm, âSchool, basketball, taking care of Kira â all of it just keeps building up. And I try my best, okay?â He loses his footing and sways some more, âbut itâs never enough, and all my thoughts get louder and louder, like voices fucking screaming inside my head, and then I just explode. And I get so fucking angry, and itâs always directed towards the wrong people â whoops!â
He slips. You cry out in terror and impulsively grab hold of his arm. But he regains his balance and barks out a laugh, as if heâs tripped whilst taking a simple stroll in the park and not currently balancing on top of a very high and very dangerous ledge.
âIt wouldnât matter if I fell, you know?â He muses, taking another long swig of the vodka. And he doesnât even flinch as the bitter liquid goes down his throat, as if the taste no longer has any effect on him. âI mean, my lifeâs a fucking mess already. Basketballâs completely fucked, anywaysâŠâ
âWhat do you mean?â You ask, your heart pitter-pattering in fear. His overtly reckless behaviour is scaring you, and you realise youâre holding your breath as you watch him callously standing there.
Steve shrugs, âGot kicked off the team today.â
Oh. You feel a surge of pity. And you know you shouldnât. Not after how he treated you. And yet you canât help it. Tonight, Ari was going to win an award for being the best basketball player of the season, and in the summer, he was going to the NBA. You canât help but feel for Steveâs starkly different fortune.
He takes another gulp of vodka, âCoach said I couldnât control my emotions and Iâd keep costing the team if I continued playing.â He gazes off into the distance, and you try to gauge his expression but itâs quite unreadable. He laughs bitterly and smiles again, but it looks more like a grimace, âFuck him. Heâs right, but fuck him anyways.â
âSteve, this is dangerous. You could fallââ
âFuck basketball,â he continues swaying around like he hasnât even heard you, âitâs not like I was ever gonna make it to the NBA, anger issues or not. No, I have to become a surgeon. Like my parents.â His words slur and ring with sarcasm, and he barks out another laugh, âIf I donât fuck that up tooâŠâ
âIâm sorry that happened, butââ
He scoffs, âCanât even fucking imagine being a doctor. My patients would probably be scared of me, just like how you are.â
âPlease, just get downââ
âAnd KiraâŠâ His expression morphs from bitter to sad in less than a second, and he clutches your hand suddenly. The one that you hadnât realised was still holding on to his arm. And you donât pull away, almost like you donât want to. Either that, or you want to keep hold of him so he doesnât fall.
Steve coughs, âGod, I wish I took care of her better. I feel so fucking guilty, living on campus while she lives by herself in our house. Our parents are never home, they donât even know what she went through⊠How she doesnât even speak to anyone but me, how she doesnât go out anymore...â
Another long swig. Itâs a wonder the bottle isnât empty yet. You want to interject, beg him once more to climb back down to safety, or at least hand you the vodka so he doesnât drink anymore. But heâs not done speaking, and cuts you off when you try to get a word in edgewise.
âMy parents, the award-winning heart surgeons!â He raises the vodka bottle up in the air in a mock toast, âTheyâre here, there, everywhere around the fucking world!â Another swig, more swaying. âEverywhere except for at fucking home. So then I have to handle everything, donât I?â
âSteveââ
âThey donât even know how bad sheâs gotten, how their own daughterâs shut herself off from everyone.â Steve shakes his head in both resignation and frustration, âand I try so fucking hard, okay? Try to help her with her anxiety, help her make new friends. God, all I do is worry about her. And school. And basketball. While they jet across the world doing their fancy surgeries and not giving a damn about her or me. Fuck them!â
Whoa. Wow. Okay. Now, you look at Steve with new eyes â you had no idea there was so much going on in his life, in his head. It still didnât excuse the way heâd spoken to you, the way heâd forced himself on you â and yet⊠Yet you canât help but feel another pang of sorrow and pity for him.
His eyes are dark and stormy as he looks out into the early evening sky, before looking back to you. His gaze falls down to your hand holding on to his arm, and he smiles softly.
âYou were the only thing in my life that was good.â
You shake your head, your barriers going back up, and you try to pull your hand away, âNo. Stop lying, Steve, just donât even try it, donât evenââ
âNo, itâs true!â He insists, holding on tightly to your hand as if heâs on a sinking ship and youâre his only lifeline. âThat one week before I fucked it all up, that one week when we were just texting. Iâd be on my phone, smiling like a fucking fool. You can ask Kira! She knew about you because I couldnât stop talking to her about you.â
You bite your lip, and despite everything, you find yourself wanting to believe him so bad. Suddenly, a strong gust of wind has Steve clutching your hand even harder as he teeters on the ledge, bringing his face closer to yours, his eyes hooded and lashes fanning over those impossibly sharp cheekbones.
âYouâre so beautiful,â he says.
âDonât, SteveâŠâ
He sighs, breaking eye contact as he plays with the glass bottle in his hand. But his other hand seems to move off its own accord, his pointer finger trailing up your bare arm. And itâs so intimate, that simple touch, leaving a trail of fire and goosebumps in its wake. Your skin feels like itâs buzzing, burning almost, as he traces his finger up your shoulder blade, as if heâs testing to see how much youâd let him touch you.
âI miss you.â
You feel your resolve crumblingâŠ
âNo, you donât. All we did was text for one week. We never even went on a date, so you canât possibly miss what you never had.â
âAnd yet I still miss you.â
He leans in, his eyes fluttering shut. His lips look so pink, so warm, so hesitantly inviting. Slightly pursed, as if he doesnât know if itâs going to happen but heâs going to try anyways. Another sharp gust of wind blows past, almost pushing him into you as if even the universe itself is cajoling you to just give in to him. You can smell the alcohol on his pores, and yet you can also feel his warmth, his musky cologne, the way his breath hitches as if he canât believe this kiss is actually happeningâŠ
Except you turn your head at the last second, and he sighs.
âShouldâve seen that coming,â he says to the evening sky, âlost my place on the team, lost my girl, I wonder what Iâll lose next? You wanna take any guesses? Hey, maybe Iâll lose my balance! That would be funny, wouldnât it?â
You watch as he looks down, all the way down to the ground with a peculiar gleam in his eye. The type of gleam that reflects that heâs a man with nothing to lose. And itâs a long way down. What the hell was he thinking?!
âHe really fucked her up,â Steve murmurs softly to himself, a whisper that almost gets lost in the great gusts of wind that swirl around the two of you. âAnd I tried to do something about it, tried to get back at him, but I fucked it up. I always fuck up. Maybe itâs best if I justââ
âSteve, stop it! Stop being so reckless!â
You tug hard at his arm, and at the same time a heavy wind blows. Steve stumbles again, but mercifully, he falls forward instead of back. Through your window and right on top of you. You both land on the floor with a thud, and despite how drunk he is, he manages to bring his hands out in front of him, preventing you from getting crushed by his huge frame.
âWhoops. Sorry, baby.â
He flashes you a cocky smile, as if he hadnât just been teetering on your window ledge in the middle of a sad, drunken rant. The bottle of vodka is still snugly clutched between his fingers, somehow having also survived the fall onto your hard bedroom floor.
You open your mouth to tell him to get off of you, but the words die inside your throat. Instead, you look up at him, at his face so close to yours. So close that his nose is an inch away from brushing against your own. And his eyes, navy and blown out and yet still so pretty, blink down at you imploringly. The last time, when youâd been in his bedroom, theyâd looked so stormy and far away. And here, now, he was drunk and yet he looked present. And you realise that you donât feel unsafe at all.
âI really, really want to kiss you right now,â Steve says, slurring and stumbling over his words.
âDonât.â You warn him, although you notice your own lack of conviction. In that moment, had he actually done it you donât think youâd have objected too much. But you donât want to give in to him, not after how scary heâd been last time. Despite everything, you still havenât forgotten.
He nods slowly, âI know, fuck, I knowâŠâ
Shakily, he gets off of you, swaying slightly as he gets on his feet, and then he yanks you up too. Before you can stop him, he takes another swig of vodka before his eyes once again settle on you.
You watch his Adamâs apple bob as he swallows hard, biting his lip as his dark eyes drink you in. In your form-fitting emerald dress that wraps around your body like a second skin of smooth satin. The ruching which accentuates your curves even more, the delicate lace detailing, the smooth dip of your cleavage. The gleam of your bare legs that peak through the slit of the dress. The demure heels that makes them look longer than ever. And yet you canât help but shift shyly under his intense gaze.
âYouâre all dressed up,â Steve says softly, reaching out to touch you before thinking better of it, curling his outstretched hand into a fist and pushing it down to his side, âYou look⊠incredible.â
âTh-Thank you.â
âYou going somewhere?â
âUh⊠yes.â
He nods before his brow furrows, âIs he taking you out?â
âWhatâ?â
âLevinson. Is he taking you out? Are you two together now?â His tone hardens, and you feel your heart jump up to your throat. Oh, please let him not get all angry again like how he did last time!
âNo.â You say firmly, âThereâs this gala, this fundraiser thing at the Hilton Hotel. Thatâs where Iâm going. Me and Sharon and Wanda.â
âNo Levinson?â
You shake your head, âN-No, Steve.â It was only white lie, because you werenât going with Ari and you probably wouldnât speak to him tonight. It was a girlâs night out, if anything. Plus, youâre scared that Steve might flip out if he knew that Ari would be there too.
âYou promise?â He looks at you meaningfully, and heâs got that same intense look again. The look youâve grown to associate with him, that eery, almost glassy stare. âPromise me, Y/N. Promise me that you arenât going out with Ari.â
You donât owe him anything, certainly not any promises. And yet, yet you canât help but nod, âI promise, Steve. In fact, Sharon and Wanda are on their way to pick me up.â
Steve nods approvingly, looking somewhere beyond you. His eyes look sad once again, and he takes another long, lingering sip of vodka. âGood girl. You stay away from him, okay? All he does is hurt people.â He shakes his head, his mouth pulling downwards in a grimace, âHe hurt her so bad.â
You frown, âHurt who? Sharon?â
The blond doesnât answer, but he continues talking to himself. âWhat did she ever do to him? He didnât give a damn about her, and now look at herâŠâ
You feel an uneasy wave of guilt, âYou mean Sharon, donât you? I knowâŠâ
Steve frowns, opening his mouth to answer you before he grows distracted by something beyond your shoulder. A slow smile spreads across his face, and he stumbles over to your desk in the corner of the room.
âMy jacket!â He grabs the blue and white varsity jacket heâd given you the night of the party, âYou still have it. You kept it.â
âYou can take it back!â You say quickly, a bit too quickly judging by how his face falls. Quickly, he drops the jacket as if itâs made of hot coals, a bitter look enveloping his features.
âYou should throw it away. Or burn it.â He says simply, throwing his head back and taking a hearty sip of his vodka, âthought you wouldâve looked cute wearing it to one of my games but I since I wonât be playing anymore, thereâs no point anymore, is there?â
What follows is an uncomfortable silence. And oh, why was he making you feel bad for him now?! After everything heâd said and done? But then heâd apologised too⊠Were you being too hard on him? Now you feel more confused than ever!
You sigh, âSteve⊠Look, I just donât know how to act around you. One second, youâre so intense, and youâre calling me a slut, and youâre being all scary. And then the next itâs like your entire personality changes. And I just⊠I donât know what to believe, okay?â
âWhy canât you just believe that Iâm sorry for what happened? Iâm sorry for all of it.â
You shift uncomfortably, looking down at your heel-clad feet. You wrack your brain, trying to choose your next words carefully, âI⊠do believe that youâre sorry.â
He stands there expectantly, as if waiting for you to say something more, to say that you forgive him, perhaps? But you donât think you do. Do you? A few more empty seconds pass before he clears his throat.
âThey put me on some kind of medication. Added it to the ones I already take.â He volunteers, breaking the silence. He avoids your gaze now, instead focusing on his bottle of vodka, tossing it from one hand to the other and tapping at the glass. âFor my anger and mood swings, or whatever.â
You nod, âThatâs good, right? You saw a doctor?â
He snorts, âNo. My parents just heard about me flipping out and contacted the family physician Got him to prescribe me all these different pills. But this,â he raises the vodka up in the air and waves it around, âThis helps more than any medication ever could. It stops all the screaming in my head. And luckily, Mom and Dad left the house full of booze, so Iâm all good to go.â
You nod slowly, furrowing your brow, âSteve, maybe you shouldnât be drinking while youâre on medicationââ
Your phone vibrates loudly from its place on your bed, the sound shaking you from the inside out. Even Steve blinks several times, and you let out a breath you hadnât realised you were holding as you make your way over to your phone. Itâs like the bubble of intensity the two of you have been encased in has popped, and now youâre back in the real world. It was crazy, because being inside the bubble felt intoxicating, like everything was moving in slow motion, like you were in some sort of fairytale and the troubled prince had just climbed in through your window.
Your screen glows with a new text.
Sharon: Weâre on our way! Wandaâs already so drunk lol weâll be there in ten minutes!
Oh no. Youâd rather your friends didnât run into a drunken Steve Rogers when they came to pick you up. Especially not when you were supposed to have sworn off men anyways.
âSteve, youââ
ââI need to go,â he completes sombrely, picking at a piece of loose thread on the sleeve of his expensive-looking sweater, âI know, I know.â His eyes narrow, âThat wasnât Ari, was it? Who texted you just now?â
âNo.âÂ
He relaxes, âGood. Okay, I guess Iâll leave then.â
You chew your bottom lip anxiously, âH-How will you get back? You didnât drive here yourself, did you?â
He waves your question off as if it isnât important, backing away towards your door, âYou donât worry about me, sweetheart.â
âSteve Rogers, donât you dare drive back home in the state youâre in!â
He just stares at you, that same bittersweet look on his face. Finally, he nods, âIâll be fine. I came here with Bucky.â
You nod, âOkay, then. As long as you donât driveâŠâ
Steve shoots you a sad smile, one that doesnât really reach his eyes. His eyes that are still glued on just you, only you. He crosses his hand over his chest, âI promise I wonât. Scoutâs honour⊠Although I was never a scout, so who knows if you can take my word. Ha ha.â
He finally makes it to your door, almost as if heâd been walking in slow motion, wading through quicksand. Why? Because he didnât want to leave? And you feel a lump in your throat, one that wonât go no matter how many times you swallow. Thereâs an odd yearning inside you, like an itch on your hand. No, an itch in your heart. Your fingers twitch as if wanting to reach out to touch him. Did you not want him to leave, either?
You press your lips together, rooting yourself in place as you watch him go. At the last second, he turns back around again.
âI am sorry, okay? Sorry about everything.â
Once more, all you do is nod. The expectancy in his eyes fades away and he sighs, his hand resting on the doorknob as he goes to shut the door.Â
A second passes. But it feels like the longest second youâve ever lived. Like your heart seems to beat about a thousand times in that one second, like a drum reaching crescendo. Feeling like youâve reached that part in the movie, that page in the book where the climax happens and then everyone can breathe again. Outside, the winds seem to be charging up again, readying themselves for an almighty, blustering blow. And you can feel the booming whistle of the winds ringing all around you, when you suddenly drop your phone on your bed and rush over to the door before you can think better of it.
âSteve, wait!â
You press your lips to his in a searing kiss, catching him completely off-guard. He stumbles back slightly, either by how strongly youâve jumped on him or because of his own inebriation. Either way, he recovers quickly, wrapping his arms around your waist and holding you against him as he reciprocates your kiss.
And you donât know why youâre kissing him, but itâs like your bodyâs gone past the point of rationale. Like your lips and your limbs have a mind of their own and your brain is no longer part of the conversation. And Steveâs lips feel so soft, and this time you feel like itâs you in control. Heâs too drunk to take charge, you suspect, as his lips move languidly against yours.
Your hands cup his face, his bristly skin pricking the pads of your fingers, and yet it doesnât bother you. Not when heâs kissing so softly, so cautiously like heâs afraid he could hurt you again. Itâs you who presses your tongue against his, stroking it, biting and nipping at his lips. He smirks at your overexcitement, finally injecting more passion into the kiss by tipping your head back slightly and pressing his lips harder against yours.
He tastes like vodka, but you donât mind. He also tastes kind of sweet, kind of irresistible. And oh, you know this makes no sense! And you know you shouldnât be kissing him! What about Ari? What about your own dignity? What about swearing off all men? What aboutâ?
You pull away as abruptly as youâd kissed him, and both of you stand there breathless for a handful of seconds. Your lips still tingle pleasantly, and before he can say anything, you gently pry the bottle of vodka from his hand.
âIâll keep this, okay?â You say softly, holding it behind your back. Thereâs still quite a bit left in it, and Steve looks like heâs one sip away from disaster. Or at least a very bad headache tomorrow morning. You pray itâs only the latter.
But heâs got a sparkle in his eye now, and he doesnât spare the vodka a second glance, âIt all went away for a second.â
âWhat went away?â
âAll the fucking screaming in my head. All that pressure I was telling you about. Kissing you made it all go away. Your lips are magic, baby girl. Better than the vodka.â
âOh.â You donât know what else to say, but you feel a lurching pull in your heart nonetheless.
âYeah, like Iâm numb to it all now. Comfortably numb. And itâs such a fucking relief.â He closes his eyes for a second, as if heâs savouring the feeling. Youâre so intently looking at him that you donât even notice when he grabs your hand, and his eyes flutter open, âSo you forgive me?â
You hesitate, âSteve, IâŠI donât know.â
His serene smile freezes on his face, and he drops your hand like itâs a hot poker. You feel it again in your heart, that lurching fee ling that you canât place. You watch as his face falls, almost in slow motion. And it feels like youâre sitting front row in the cinema, watching his expression turn sad, his eyes clouding over once more like he was depending everything on your forgiveness.
âOkay. Goodbye.â
He stumbles out of your room, out into the stairwell where he trips before grabbing on to the banister.
âSteve, please be careful,â you say again, your tone laced with worry.
He glances back at you, that ever-charming smile back on his face. Back from when youâd seen it that first night when youâd met him. Almost like heâs put on a mask. He gives you a sluggish thumbs-up, âIâll be fine. Iâm comfortably numb, remember? I just hope it lastsâŠâ
What the hell did that mean? Should you go after him? You hear your phone vibrate loudly, and you glance back at your bed to see it glowing with several new texts. But then you look back at the stairwell to find it empty. He was gone. Gone like a gust of wind. Gone like he was never there.
But he was. You can still feel him on your lips.
As if in a dream, you float back into your room and pick up your phone. Two new texts.
Sharon: Weâre five minutes away! Trafficâs crazy lol.
Ari: Hey. I just want to say that Iâm happy youâre coming tonight. Even if we donât get to speak, just know youâll be on my mind all night. Fuck. That was cheesy. Anyways. See you there :).
You sink down on your bed, already feeling exhausted and mentally drained. Despite the fact that the night was nowhere near over yet. In fact, it hadnât even begun.
***
âWhereâs Curtis?â Wanda wonders aloud, scanning the sprawling banquet hall and immediately grabbing a flute of champagne from an elegantly dressed waiter holding a tray full of them.
The banquet hall where the gala is being held at the Hilton is reasonably full, and you recognise a bunch of familiar faces from campus â both students and professors. Everyoneâs dressed smartly â the men in tuxedos and the women in evening gowns and dresses. Sharon and the decorating committee have done a great job; each table swathed in ivory cloth, with red rose centrepieces and golden gilded chairs. Matching golden lights against an otherwise dark room gives an almost ethereal ambiance.
âHeâs probably over on table 2 with the rest of the basketball team,â Sharon nods to a table at the front of the room near the stage. âI did the seating arrangements and the place-cards.â
Predictably, table 2 is the rowdiest table in the entire banquet hall. Clearly, the basketball team didnât give two fucks about what was considered proper black-tie etiquette. You can see Ransom Drysdale and Andy Barber having some kind of a drinking competition, chugging down wine glass after wine glass as if they were cans of beer. Lloyd is acting like their referee, half on top of the table as he tries eggs them on. Colin is laughing his head off as he looks to be live-streaming this whole performance on his phone. And then thereâs Ari.
And oh, he looks so breathtaking! Your heart physically skips a beat when you see him. His brown hair slicked back sexily, but the ends curling around his stiff white collar. His tuxedo looks well-tailored and expensive â Armani probably â and a white bow tie that makes him look more handsome than ever. Heâs sat in the middle of his table, looking very much like the leader of his group. A smirk on his face as he watches his teammates horse around, but then his eyes meet yours, and the cocky smirk turns into the most adorably lovesick smile that does not look like it belongs on his face â only because youâve never really seen him smile like that ever before.
âOh gosh, thereâs Ari,â Sharon says, coming up closer to your side and making you snap your eyes away from her ex-boyfriend immediately. The blonde takes a few deeps breaths to calm herself, âAnd heâs looking straight at me! Well, who cares? Iâm not gonna let him affect my night. In fact, Iâm gonna go over to him to prove how unbothered I amââ
Before you know whatâs happening, she starts making a beeline straight over to table 2 â with you in tow! Wanda follows, her eyes still searching the room for Curtis as she downs her champagne quickly.
âHello, Ari,â Sharon says stiffly, hanging on to your arm for dear life. You hope you donât look as mortified as you feel, watching as Ari looks up at the two of you, his charming little smile still on his face.
âHi.â He answers her, giving her a quick nod before his eyes shift to you, and you see them sparkle as he looks you up and down, taking in your emerald dress, the corner of his mouth twitching upwards again in another sweet little smile. Oh God, damn him for being so obvious!
âWell, I just came here to congratulate you on your award,â Sharon says, a determinedly happy-yet-nonchalant look plastered on her face. âSo, well, congratulations.â
Ari nods again, physically tearing his eyes away from you, âThanks.â
âWhereâs Curtis, you guys?â Wanda interrupts the awkward exchange, looking expectantly at the basketball team. You watch as she grabs another champagne from another cocktail waiter who happens to pass by, downing it as quickly as she had the first.
Ransom snickers, âHeâs somewhere around here, sweetheart. But I wouldnât bother him if I was you, heâs kinda busy.â
Wanda doesnât even wait for him to finish his sentence before sheâs off, weaving across the banquet hall at lightning speed. You watch her, mildly concerned as she grabs yet another glass of champagne, her previous one still in her other hand. Sheâd been antsy the whole ride over, because apparently Curtis wasnât texting her back, and hadnât since last night.
âSheâs already a mess,â Sharon murmurs to you under her breath before smiling brightly at Ari, âWell, see you around, Ari.â
He nods at her for the third time, before his eyes rest on you once more. Thereâs a hint of yearning within them, and his lips twitch as if he wants to say something. Oh, when did it get so easy to read his expressions? Did you know him that well now? He gives you a soft, private smile â one you know is meant just for you. One that seems to convey a thousand words in just a single twitch of a muscle. You almost return it, before remembering who youâre with.
âThank God, he didnât bring her,â Sharon mutters to you as the two of you walk away from jock table.
âHuh?â
âThe little skank he cheated on me with. I wouldâve died if he brought her along as his date.â
You gulp, eyeing one of the champagne flutes yourself. After tonight, you absolutely had to come clean to Sharon. There was no other choice, youâd kept this secret long enough. And if it meant sheâd no longer be your friend, then so be it. You deserved that. But no more excuses, you had to tell her tonight after this event was over.
And the event itself is fine. You hang out with Sharon while she makes small talk with a bunch of different people. You donât talk much, simply staying quiet and observing. Peopleâs outfits, their makeup, their shoes, everything. Itâs nice to be out and about again, after spending what felt like an eternity rotting in your dorm room and feeling sorry for yourself. You even find yourself catching Ariâs eye every now and again, and each and every time heâd give you his sweet little private smile that made you want to die. Youâd look away, of course, or busy yourself with talking to Sharon or someone else, just so you wouldnât smile back. Even though you wanted to. You really, really wanted to.
You do get a handful of texts from him though.
Ari: You look beautiful.
Ari: I canât take my eyes off you.
Ari: Seriously, I donât think you realise how beautiful you look right now.
You donât reply, but you know he can see you looking down at your phone and smiling like crazy.
About a half hour into the gala, the hosts beckon everyone to sit at their assigned tables because the award ceremony is about to begin. Thatâs when you notice that Wandaâs been missing for a while now. You scan the room while a retired basketball coach hobbles his way onto the stage, beginning a very long-winded speech on how heâd single-handedly led the St. Andrewsâ team to victory back in 1993. Where the hell was Wanda? You realise youâve been so wrapped up in the event and playing secret smiling games with Ari from across the room to notice that you hadnât seen her since the three of you had arrived here.
Luckily, you spot her stumbling towards the bathrooms that are in a corridor off the main banquet hall. Stumbling being the key word, and you quietly curse yourself for allowing her to drink so much. God, Ari was just so distracting! Even when you werenât even speaking to him, just his presence alone was making you forget about everyone else!
You tell Sharon youâre going to get Wanda before quietly sneaking away, hoping to discreetly bring her back before she wanders off somewhere else. You just hope
âWanda, hey! Wait up!â You catch up to her, âLetâs go back to the banquet hall.â
Wanda rolls her eyes, âLeave me alone, Y/N. Iâm looking for my boyfriend.â
Oh. She still hadnât found him yet?
âCâmon, our tableâs this way,â you try again, grabbing her hand, about to lead her away. Then you notice her eyes light up as she looks beyond your shoulder.
âBaby, there you are!â Wanda slurs brightly, snatching her hand out of your grip and making a beeline down the hall. You whip around to see Curtis closing the bathroom door behind him, his other hand wiping his mouth. His tie loose around his neck and top collar button undone. And you also see a tiny brunette in a silver dress slip out of the bathroom behind him, the dim lights of the hallway swallowing her up as she slinks away into the darkness, Wanda not even noticing her.
âWanda.â Curtis blinks, looking entirely unperturbed. âYouâre here.â
She hits him playfully on the shoulder, âOf course, Iâm here. I came with the girls, remember? And I wanted to support you!â
He scratches the back of his head, âYeah. Cool. Look, Iâm gonna go back to the boysââ
âGreat, letâs go!â Wanda links her arm with his, making his jaw tense and eyebrow raise. And you watch this whole ordeal with a sinking feeling in your stomach.
âBabe, remember how I told you this event was a no date kind of thing?â Curtis carefully peels himself away from her, making her pout. You cringe when she doesnât get the message, grabbing his bicep again, her manicured nails like talons holding on with all her might.
âBut I missed you, baby,â Wanda smiles up at him drunkenly. âIâve been looking for you all night!â
Curtis visibly cringes, âCome on, babe, donât be like this.â Again, he dislodges his arm from her grip, pushing her off of him not-so-gently. âIâm here with the team tonight, but I promise Iâll come by your room later. Maybe. Like way after midnight probably.â
You canât hide your disgust, openly frowning and shaking your head at him. God, why did all men suck so much?
âCome on, Wanda,â You grab her hand once more, âYou donât need him to enjoy your night. Letâs go.â
âUm, fuck off, Y/N, Iâm talking to my boyfriend right now.â Wanda pushes you off her before sidling up to Curtis again.
You gape at her, feeling a pang of hurt. Sheâs just drunk, she didnât mean to say thatâŠ
Curtis sighs, rolling his eyes, âListen to your friend, Wanda. I gotta go.â
âIâll come with you!â
For a third time, she grabs on to his arm tightly. Thatâs when Curtis huffs, clearly annoyed.
âLook, I donât know what you think is going on between us, but stop acting like weâre in some serious relationship or whatever.â He says, a frown bordering on disgust on his face as he shakes her hand off of him.
Wanda gapes, and even your mouth drops open. How dare he? How fucking rude!
âBaby, you donât mean thatââ
âI mean sure, we have fun together but please donât get the wrong idea, Wanda. You canât just chase me down at these public events like you own me or something. Thatâs not how this works. In fact, all it does is make you look kind of desperate.â He continues, getting his phone out and nonchalantly scrolling through it as if this whole painful conversation isnât even worth his time.
How the hell was he speaking to his own girlfriend like that?
âI-Iâm sorry for being desperate, Curtis,â Wanda says earnestly, her eyes wild and pupils dilated, âPlease, donât do this! Donât break up with me like this!â
He rolls his eyes, âDo what? Iâm not doing anything! I canât break up with someone who was never my girlfriend to begin with. Sure, we had fun for a few weeks but itâs not like we were ever exclusive, let alone dating. You were too clingy for my liking anyways.â
âCurtis, thatâs enough!â You admonish, your heart breaking for poor Wanda. Curtis was a joke. You canât believe heâs standing here denying he was ever in a relationship with her. Hell, youâd been a third wheel to them enough times in the past month to know the two of them had definitely been a thing. How the hell was he just so casually gaslighting her now, as if none of that ever happened? God, you would never understand men!
Curtis glances at you, a devilish twinkle in his eye before he turns to Wanda again, âHell, Iâm pretty sure I tried to sleep with your friend Y/N before I settled for you that night at the party.â
âOh, youâre such an asshole!â You explode, pulling Wanda away, âStay away from her, you piece of shit! Câmon, Wanda.â
What you havenât noticed is Wanda standing deathly still. She snatches her hand away from you, a look of absolute loathing, shock and betrayal on her face. And a part of you wants to see her give an asshole like Curtis a piece of her mind. But then she turns to face you, her eyes drunk and accusatory.
âY-YouâŠâ she points at you, swaying in her heels from all the alcohol in her system, âYou slept with my boyfriend?â
âWhat? No, he tried to sleep with me, but I wasnât interested. It really wasnât a big dealââ You try to hold her hand to calm her down, hoping she doesnât make a big scene.
âLater, ladies.â Curtis grins, squeezing past the two of you and strutting over to table 2 with the rest of his team. You watch him for a moment, slack-jawed at his nonchalance and how badly heâd just hurt your friend.
âI canât believe you!â Wanda hisses, pulling away from you yet again. âI canât believe you slept with him!â
You shake your head desperately, âNo, no, no! I didnât sleep with him! Thatâs not what he said!â You take a deep breath, stopping yourself from raising your own voice out of desperation to get her to understand. Instead, you speak slowly: âWanda, I did not sleep with Curtis. Yes, he did try it on with me ages ago but nothing happened.â
âYouâre the biggest bitch in the world, Y/N! I canât believe you slept with him!â Wanda sputters, tears welling in her drunken eyes. Itâs like her brain has only selectively heard what heâd said and is running with it, and sheâs unable to compute what youâre saying to her now. âI knew you werenât above sleeping with other peopleâs boyfriends but I never thought youâd do it to me!â
âNo, please, just listen! Youâre not understandingââ
âLet go of me!â She bats your hands off her when you try to grab her again, backing away and stumbling out into the main banquet hall. âDonât even speak to me again, Y/N! How dare you sleep with Curtis?! When you knew how much me and him meant to each other!â
Helplessly, you watch her as she marches across the banquet hall, and you trail behind her with a lump in your throat. Youâd have to wait until she was sober to explain things to her properly, which was another conversation you werenât looking forward to. But for now, you just watch her, hoping she doesnât injure herself with how determinedly sheâs walking. You expect her to head towards Curtisâ table, which is why you freeze when she walks straight past him and up towards the stage.
The retired basketball coach is just about done with his speech, and you nervously rejoin Sharon who is also looking at Wanda climbing up the stairs of the stage with a confused look on her face.
âWe need to go get her,â you murmur.
âWhy, hello young lady,â the retired basketball coach greets Wanda warmly, âAre you here to present the first award?â
Both you and Sharon spot Wanda eyeing the microphone with a gleam in her eye, and the two of you stand up in unison, exchanging alarmed looks.
But Wanda is quick, bumping the retired coach out of the way with her hip. She grabs the mic, tapping it quickly many times in succession. A high-pitched feedback echoes across the room, and more eyes turn towards her from all the other tables in the hall. The retired coach gives her a confused smile before shrugging and slowly hobbling away. A number of stagehands look on in confusion, checking their clipboards to see if this was part of the show.
And thatâs when Wanda starts talking.
âLadies and gentlemen, I have an award of my own!â She grips on to the mic like a vice, teetering on the middle of the stage. Her hairâs messy, her face stained with dried up tears. The straps of her dress slipping down her shoulders, and the half empty wine glass still in her hand, the remaining contents of it sloshing out onto the polished wooden floor.
âWhat the hell is she doing?â Sharon whispers from beside you. All around you, everyone in the banquet hall is whispering amongst themselves, and now all eyes are glued to your drunken best friend on stage. The tables full of professors, coaches and alumni all look around in bewilderment, frowning as if Wanda being on stage is all part of some kind of skit before the award ceremony.
You glance over at the jocks on table 2. Ari shoots you a perplexed look, Ransomâs got his phone camera out, Andyâs grinning from ear to ear. Colin has the decency to look away, an embarrassed look on his face. And Curtis? Curtis leans back on his chair, an amused look on his face as if heâs ready to kick back and enjoy the show.
That means itâs all up to you.
âWanda!â You hiss, glad that your table is close enough to the stage that she can hear you, âWanda, youâre drunk. Câmon, letâs go to the bathroom so I can fix you up.â
She looks down at you and smirks evilly, before looking away as if she hasnât even heard you. Instead, she once more taps the mic once, twice, three times. She giggles drunkenly, âTesting, testing, is this thing on?â
âWanda, babe, come down please!â Sharon joins in, but she also gets promptly ignored. She bites her lip before turning to you, âGod, how did we not realise how drunk sheâd gotten? Sheâs gonna make a fool of herself.â
âWanda!â You try again, raising your voice slightly, âCome down, Wanda, please! The awards ceremony is about to begin!â
âItâs already begun! And like I said, I have an award of my own,â Wanda says, looking beyond you but never fully at you. You can see her lip curled slightly, and either itâs a smile or a sneer â you canât really tell. But it makes your blood run cold, and a strong sense of foreboding washes over you again, like how it had earlier in your bedroom.
Quickly, you make your way over to the stage, hoping to pull her off before she said anything to embarrass herself too much. And itâs when youâre climbing up the stairs at the side of the stage that she resumes speaking:
âI know youâre all here for some⊠some random basketball award,â Wanda slurs, âBut I wanna get my award out of the way first. And itâs the award for St. Andrewsâ collegeâs biggest fucking slut.â
Youâre halfway up the stage by now, and itâs when you step up on to the polished wooden floor that you pause, her words sinking in and a horrific feeling dawning on you. Oh noâŠ
âAnd look! Here she is, the slut herself!â Wanda cheers, pointing straight at you with an unsteady hand. She throws her head back and laughs, her other hand gripping on to the mic for dear life. âEverybody, please give it up for Y/N! She already knows sheâs the winner, nobody else could ever compare! Y/N is undoubtedly the biggest fucking slut on campus, and she wholeheartedly deserves this fucking award!â
Pin drop silence. For the first second, thatâs all you hear. Silence thatâs so loud, itâs almost deafening. Ringing in your ears, closing in on you like a siren. Then, you feel the waves of heat. Red hot fire radiating all over your body. Your face, your arms, your neck. Everywhere. You canât quite believe whatâs happening, but you know thereâs a banquet hall filled with strangers staring straight at you as if youâre swathed in a spotlight.
âCurtis, get your girl the fuck off the stage!â You hear Ari say somewhere in the distance, and you can see him getting to his feet.
âNo fucking way, that bitch isnât my problem anymore.â Curtis whispers back, a note of glee in his tone.
You remain frozen on stage, your heart thrumming up to your throat. Wanda cackles, drunkenly beckoning you closer. Someone â either a professor or a coach â tries to coax her off the stage but she bats him away as if heâs an insignificant fly.
âCâmon, Y/N! Donât be shy, come accept your award!â Wanda holds up her now empty wine glass as if itâs a trophy, âLadies and gentlemen, donât be mistaken! Y/N isnât normally this shy! I mean, she certainly wasnât when she fucked my boyfriend!â
A hushed gasp fills the hall, followed by a host of whispers. Thereâs a tiny voice inside you, telling you to run. Just run, run, run away from it all. But your feet donât move, firmly planted in place as your whole body buzzes with heat and the lump in your throat gets bigger and bigger. Why was Wanda doing this? Oh God, what was happening!?
Out of the corner of your eye, you see Ari scrape his chair back and stride over to the stage, a venomous look on his face. At the same time, you feel a warm hand on your shoulder as Sharon comes up the steps to stand beside you.
âWanda, honey, thatâs enough.â Sharon says softly, holding her other hand out to your drunken friend. âCome on. Letâs go home.â
âDonât you honey me,â Wanda spits out, âAnd donât look at me as if Iâm some sort of fool. If anyoneâs a fool, itâs you, Sharon!â
Oh no. You feel yourself going light-headed.
Thatâs when Ari jumps up on stage, looking huge and menacing as he strides over to Wanda. He grabs her by the upper arm roughly, âCarla, shut the fuck up right now if you know whatâs good for you,â He hisses.
âWell look who it is! Mister Knight in Shining Armour, here to save the fucking day!â Wanda laughs, and at least sheâs not speaking into the mic anymore, but did it even matter? âY/N doesnât need your help, Ari! Sheâs a fucking slut who enjoys sleeping with other peopleâs boyfriends, and sheâs proud of it! Youâre proud of it, arenât you, Y/N!?â
Youâre in no condition to answer her question. Now, your body seems to be experiencing rapid hot and cold flushes. Icicles, then fire, then icicles, then fire again. And your face feels like itâs been stabbed by a thousand pins and needles. Itâs a sensation youâve never felt before, almost like an out of body experience. Like youâre floating except it feels terrible instead of liberating, and thereâs absolutely no way for you to escape the impending doom.
Someoneâs directed the live band to start playing again, and the room fills with music to combat the earth-shattering silence. But you know everyoneâs eyes are still on the spectacle thatâs taking place on stage. Everyoneâs looking at you. And itâs like all your insecurities from the past month had come back in full force. Except so much worse, because now everyone thinks youâre a slut.
To your horror, Wanda goes to speak into the mic again. But Ari quickly snatches it out of her hands, throwing it aside and shooting her a glare, âDonât even fucking think about it.â
âOkay, Wanda, youâve made your point,â Sharon interjects gently. âI donât know why youâd spread all these lies about your own best friend whoâs been nothing but good to you, but itâs done now. Letâs just go.â Again, she reaches for Wandaâs hand, only for the latter to shoot her a sneer.
âStop acting so holier-than-thou, Sharon. Youâre not worth shit anymore, not since you got dumped,â Wanda laughs, suddenly aware of who exactly is on stage with her. She glances from you to Ari to Sharon, a look of evil glee spreading across her drunken features. âWhy donât you ask Ari again why he dumped you? Or better yet, why donât you ask your new best friend Y/N?â
The bandâs now playing an upbeat song, the lead singer urging everyone to get up on the dance floor in a bid to distract them. A few people do, but most stay planted in their seats, their focus still on the stage. Not that any of that even matters, not when Wandaâs words hit you like a ton of bricks. Out of your peripheral, you sense Sharon inhale sharply from next to you, and a deep feeling of dread starts spreading across your chest.
âCurtis, get the fuck up here and deal with her,â Ari seethes through gritted teeth. Curtis rolls his eyes, slowly making his way up to the stage like a panther going on a leisurely stroll.
âShe sleeps with everyoneâs boyfriend!â Wanda explodes, pointing another accusatory finger at you. âShe doesnât care about ruining relationships, all Y/N cares about is herself, Sharon! Thatâs why sheâs been sleeping with Ari for months behind your back! And I kept her secret because I was being a good friend to her! Little did I know she fucked my boyfriend too!â
âThatâs it, youâre fucking done,â Ari yanks Wanda off the stage, roughly pushing her down the steps all while keeping an iron grip on her forearm.
Thankfully, and yet a little too late, a stage hand drops the curtains. Dramatically, they fall down, shielding you from the stare and gossip of the audience. But you donât feel any better. No, all you feel is pure, frozen shock. And the chaotic pantomime continues, even with the stage curtains now drawn.
âSheâs been fucking Ari this whole time! She even fucked him out in the open at that frat party. In front of everyone, because thatâs the type of slut she is!â Wanda cries out, stumbling over her words that act like bullets directed straight for Sharon. And, of course, you. âAnd she fucked Curtis too that night! Like the biggest fucking whore in the whole world! Itâs true âcause he just told me! And God knows what she did with Steve, she probably let him smash too! As if slutting around on one campus wasnât enough, she had to target a guy from a different college, andââ
Sheâs cut off by Ari plastering his huge hand over her mouth, all while she struggles and fights against him. He continues dragging her down the steps before throwing her into Curtisâ arms. Immediately, Wanda pacifies, grabbing on to Curtis for dear life while the buzzcut-haired man holds her gingerly.
âGet her out of here. I donât care where the fuck you take her, I just want her gone.â Ari orders, narrowing his eyes when Curtis opens his mouth, âDonât fucking argue with me, Everett. Go.â
Curtis rolls his eyes again, cautiously taking hold of Wanda who shuts up momentarily when she notices whoâs holding her. She looks up at him with shining drunken eyes. âCurtis! You came back for me! Oh, I forgive you for fucking Y/N! I know sheâs a huge slut and she probably seduced you! It wasnât your fault at all, baby, I know that! Please let me be your girlfriend again, Curtis, please, Iâll do anythingââ
âJesus fuckinâ Christ,â Curtis grunts as he drags Wanda towards the exit. Thankfully, sheâs docile enough in his arms, and easily goes with him.
Leaving carnage in her wake.
They all think Iâm a slut, you think it again, still frozen in place. And I am! I am, I am, I am! Iâm a backstabbing slut and this is what I deserve. Total public humiliation.
You pull yourself out of whatever catatonic state your body wants to shut you down into. The stage curtains are drawn and youâre protected from all the stares of the guests, and yet you feel like you can still hear the buzz of their whispers. The gossip formulating, your name on the tips of all their tongues. Spoken with disdain and disgust. Oh, you want nothing more than to just shut down and disappear. But you canât. You canât shut down yet, not yet. Instead, you force yourself to face Sharon head on, and come clean about what you shouldâve come clean about ages ago.
âSharon, please, just let me explââ
âItâs not true, is it?â Sharon says slowly. Her cheeks look red, her eyes stricken, as if Wandaâs drunken bombshell has reached out and slapped her across the face. Her mouth downturned as if sheâs about to cry, and yet sheâs using every fibre of her being to hold herself together.
Ari chooses that moment to come up next to you, instinctively putting his hand on your shoulder. And Sharon looks from him to you back to him again. And then her face falls, and itâs like itâs all happening in slow motion and youâve got a front row seat to someoneâs heart being broken in real-time. Her face crumples as realisation dawns on her, and a whimpering sound leaves her mouth.
âIt is trueâŠâ She breathes.
âI am so, so sorry,â You begin, not even knowing how to start. You feel numb and disorientated, like Wandaâs screaming expose has hit you like a freight train you may never recover from. And yet you know not to be selfish enough to make it all about you in this moment, not when Sharon looks so betrayed right in front of you. And yet a tear rolls down your cheek as you look at her, âSharon, please understand how sorry I am. I know I shouldâve told you before, thereâs literally no excuseââ
âYouâre right, there isnât.â She cuts you off coldly, but the iciness doesnât reach her eyes which shine with a mix of tears and betrayal. âHow could you? You were supposed to be my friend. Th-This whole time I thought you were my friendâŠâ
âHey, leave her alone,â Ari interjects, positioning himself in front of you protectively. âIf you want to be angry at someone, be angry at me. Sheâs already been through enough tonight.â
âDONâT YOU DARE DEFEND HER, YOU LYING PIECE OF SHIT!â Sharon bursts out in a blaze of fury, âFor once in your life, show me a little bit of respect and donât fucking defend the girl you cheated on me with right to my face! I was your girlfriend once upon a time, Ari. And you act like it meant nothing.â
Her voice breaks at the end, and she fiercely wipes away her tears. It smears up her makeup too, but she looks like sheâs past the point of caring.
âAll Iâm saying is to leave Y/N out of this, Sharon. Whatever happened between me and her wasnât her fault at all. You and I can discuss this privately.â Ari says, his tone hard and serious. Heâs standing tall, as if being exposed for your joint betrayal has him completely unfazed. You, on the other hand, feel like youâre about two feet tall.
Sharon looks at Ari incredulously, before her eyes shift back to you as if she canât help it. âI trusted you, Y/N.â She says brokenly, âI..I liked you. I liked you so much. You have no idea how much IâŠâ Her voice trails off for a second before it hardens: ââŠand this whole time you were going behind my back.â
You swallow harshly, âIâm so sorry. Please, I know what Iâve done is unforgivable. But just believe me when I tell you that Iâm so, so genuinely sorry. Wh-When me and Ari started⊠I didnât even know you back then and I know that doesnât excuse itââ
âIT DOESNâT EXCUSE IT!â Sharon screams, and beyond her shoulder you can see a few people peeping through the curtains as if to continue watching the show. âIt doesnât excuse it at all, Y/N! You had so many chances where you couldâve come clean to me, but you chose to lie to my fucking face.â She laughs bitterly, as if she canât believe all this is actually happening. âOh God, how stupid could I have been? All those times when I was crying to you about my breakup, or when I was trying to help you get through your boy troubles⊠All that time you were sleeping with Ari and I never suspected a damn thing?! Oh, you mustâve been laughing your ass off behind my back!â
You scramble to explain yourself, you want to say more, but itâs like your throatâs closing up now. Like youâre experiencing some type of allergic reaction. Your skin feels like itâs crawling, like your self-disgust has just boiled over the edge and youâre covered in the shame and guilt thatâs been festering inside you. Except itâs now also mixed with the sheer humiliation from everything youâve just experienced. What could you possibly say to explain yourself? She was right. She was one thousand percent right.
They were all right about you, the voice in your head cackles. Steve and Wanda and probably everyone else whoâs thinking it right now. Youâre a slut.
âLeave her the fuck alone, Sharon.â Ari threatens lowly, dropping his hand from your shoulder and taking a menacing step towards the blonde. âI mean it. Not another word.â
Sharon tilts her head, and you find her looking at you. Really looking at you. As if sheâs searching the plains of your face to detect the level of your honesty. And you want to look away, want to look down because of how humiliated you are. But you look back at her meekly, feeling like a fucking backstabbing rat. Oh God, why had you not just come clean to her weeks ago when the two of you had first started becoming friends? Were you truly that spineless? Were you really that much of a coward?
âGet out.â Sharon says coldly, the hurt on her face now replaced with an impenetrable mask of stone-cold indifference. âGet out of here, Y/N. I donât want to look at you. I thought we were friends but itâs like I donât even know you. And I never knew you. So just get out of here. GET OUT!â
Her venomous words make you jump. Your lower lip quivers, and you feel like the dirt at the bottom of everyoneâs shoe. Ari turns around, tries to grab your hand but you back away quickly. Your heel catches on something and you stumble. Regaining your balance, you see Ari coming towards you, and Sharon staring you down from behind him. The pity and concern in his eyes, the pure betrayal in hers. Oh, you donât want any of it! You just wish youâd disappear!
You take off into a run, your heels clacking on the wooden floor noisily but you donât care. You do exactly what Sharonâs told you to do â you run. Gathering up your dress so it doesnât get caught in your shoes. Oh, and who cares if it did? Who cares at all? Certainly not you.
You run out into the full banquet hall, trying not to meet anyoneâs gaze. Trying to block out what theyâre whispering. You know theyâre talking about you; you know theyâre looking at you as if youâre the biggest backstabbing whore in the whole world. Which you are. Oh, how spectacularly everything had fallen apart!
Somewhere behind you, you can hear Ari calling out your name. But you donât stop, donât look back. Not this time. You weave through the crowd, your tears blurring your vision but you donât dare stop. Out into the hotel lobby, down the marble steps adorned in grand red carpeting with gold tassels. Feeling like a warped Cinderella who wasnât the helpless princess after all, but instead the backstabbing villain. Out the front entrance, and the doorman stares at you but you donât care, and the outside cold hits you like a ton of bricks.
As if on cue, the wind roars loudly, slapping you in the face with all its might and fury. And you remember earlier tonight, when youâd wondered whether the winds had been trying to warn you about something. Oh, your intuition had been right! Why hadnât you just stayed at home?! Now, the wind swirls around you threateningly, and you just stand there in the bitter cold, as if daring it to attack you. All around you, the grass rustles, the trees cower, the very ground seems to shake as gust after gust hits at you, and your hair comes loose, and youâre about to start crying in earnest, andâ
âY/N, wait! Stop!â Ari grabs your hand, his familiar warmth shooting through your entire body. He pulls you into his arms, embracing you fiercely. Your burst into ferocious tears that you hadnât realised youâd been holding in. Loud, wracking sobs muffled by his strong chest as he holds you close. âIâm so sorry that happened, baby. Iâm so sorry. You didnât deserve that.â
âI did!â You cry, another gust of wind hitting you like a wake-up call, and you push off of him with tears streaming down your face. âI did deserve it, Ari! I deserved all of it!â
Thereâs an invisible whirlpool around the two of you. Maybe youâre imagining it in your delirium, but itâs like a swirling of energy, entrapping the two of you together on this stormy night. The wind howls around you both, ringing in your ears as if to warn you again, telling you this is all wrong, wrong, wrong!
And Ari looks at you like his whole heartâs in his eyes, and they glisten with emotion that youâve never seen in him before. And he holds you close, and cups your face. He wipes your tears as if to soothe you, but how could you soothe someone who was so beyond repair that perhaps repair wasnât even an option anymore? How!?
âLet me take you home,â he whispers, âI donât want you to be alone tonight. Please, letâs just go. And I swear Iâll deal with everything; Iâll deal with all of them. Iâll make them pay for hurting you. Just please, stop crying and come with me.â
âNo!â You snatch your hand out of his and step back, shaking your head fiercely. âDonât you get it, Ari? Weâre not right together and we never will be!â
âThatâs not trueââ
âYes, it is!â You sob freely, âHow many people do we have to hurt for it to sink in that we just donât work?â Ferociously, you wipe at your tears, not that it matters when new oneâs flow down your cheeks freely, âAll we ever do is fight, Ari! We just run around in circles and fight and hurt each other and hurt everyone around us! And now I know itâs âcause we just donât work, and we never will!â
âNo.â Ari says firmly, âIâm the one who hurt people, okay? Not us. Just me. And you got caught in the crossfire and Iâm fucking sorry.â
You shake your head, âIt doesnât matter anymore. None of it matters, Ari. They all think Iâm a slut and theyâre all right! And Iâll never live this down and I donât deserve to live it down! So just leave me alone, okay? JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!â
âNO!â Ari roars, louder than the wind itself, and louder than you too. âNo, Iâm not fucking leaving you alone! I told you that I care about you, and Iâm never gonna leave you alone. So just⊠just come on. Let me take you home, baby. Iâll make it better, I promise.â
The blustering winds form an impenetrable current around the two of you, whistling and swirling with rogue leaves like a tornado that you seem to be trapped in with him. And in an ironic way, it perfectly encapsulates your relationship with him: a whirlwind. A tornado. A constant uphill battle filled with fights and arguments, always one step forward and then two steps back. Maybe it was time to just give up, to come to terms with how it just didnât work between you and him.
You sniffle weakly, âNothing can make this better. Whatever there was between us, it was never going to work. Not when it started out as a lie.â
Tenderly, yet charged with an electric emotion you canât quite pinpoint, he cups your face again. Your freezing wet cheeks welcome the warmth they bring, despite everything.
âIâll make it better,â Ari repeats, softer this time. He presses his forehead against yours. âYou mean more to me than Sharon or anyone else ever did. And I know our relationship started out wrong because I lied to you. Constantly. I know that. But I promise you Iâll make it all better and youâll never hurt again how youâre hurting now.â
You feel like youâre at a crossroads. Youâve gone through more emotional turmoil in these past few weeks than you have in any other point of your life. And each time, youâve fallen back into Ariâs arms in a heap of tears. So, what about this time? Would you do the same thing again? Another circle? Another fight? Another heartbreak?
âIâm in love with you.â Ari breathes. And in that moment, even the winds stand still. And his eyes look like twin oceans with stars scattered inside them. And those stars in his eyes, those stars get bigger and bigger till theyâre all you can see. And you canât hear anything anymore, except for his breathing and yours. And you can feel only one thing, and thatâs his hands cupping your cheeks as he gazes at you with a look of desperation mixed with something else. Something passionate. And honest. âIâm in love with you, okay? Iâve never been in love before but Iâm pretty positive that I love you, and I promise Iâll protect you from ever being hurt again.â
In the distance, beyond his shoulder, a branch from a tree falls to the ground. As if unable to stand the wrath of the wind on this night. It crashes down, all the way down till itâs no longer a part of what it had once always known. You focus on it for a split second, before some kind of magnetic pull makes you look back to Ari.
âWhy does it always take some sort of traumatic event for you to say these things?â You whisper, letting his words bounce off you. Not letting them permeate into your heart and set camp, not allowing them to let you hope. Isnât this what youâve always wanted to hear from him!?
âIâve felt this way for a while,â he says earnestly, âI just didnât want to admit it to myself. But I told you, Iâm ready now. For everything. I love you, and I want everyone to know it.â He draws you closer, cradling your face in his warm hands. How are they so warm on such a cold night? How was he so warm when you felt so cold, cold, cold?! So freezing cold from the inside out?
I love you. Iâm in love with you. I promise Iâll protect you. I love you. I love you. I love you.
Oh, his words were finding their way into your heart! You take a timid step closer, allow yourself to look into his eyes. Everything was crashing and burning around you. Your life was ruined, and so was your reputation. Everyone thought you were a slut and you had no friends left at all. But Ari was here. Solid. Real. Right in front of you. Saying all the right things on a night that had gone so horrifically wrong. Should you allow yourself this? Did you deserve it? Did he?
His lips have barely brushed against yours when you hear a loud shatter right next to you.
âYou told me you werenât going to be with him tonight.â
Steve. Standing less than a foot away from you. A glass bottle lying broken by his feet, the smell of vodka strongly emanating from him. His hair falls over his forehead, swaying gently in the roaring wind. His eyes black, blown out, barely there. Hooded, like heâs sad. Betrayed. Oh, how did he even get here!?
Your jaw drops open, âSteve, Iââ
âHow fucking dare you show your face in front of her after everything you put her through?â Ari growls, pushing you behind him before squaring up to Steve. âGet the fuck out of here, Rogers. Before I break your neck.â
You swallow harshly, âAri, donâtâŠâ
Steve sidesteps Ari, and those sad eyes look straight at you. Penetrating down straight to your soul.
âYou kissed me earlier tonight, but now youâre choosing him.â
He says it matter-of-factly, his words slurring slightly but still clear as day. You feel a pang in your heart. From your peripheral, you see Ari bristle at Steveâs words, clearly taken aback by what heâs just revealed.
You open your mouth, but it feels all dried up. Like youâre back in the middle of the stage with an audience of people watching you get exposed for your betrayal.
âYou donât have to answer him.â Ari says to you, quickly recovering and grabbing your hand protectively before turning back to sneer at Steve. âGet the hell out of here. Tonight isnât the night for your bullshit.â
âHeâll only hurt you,â Steve says, ignoring Ari and looking directly at you. âI told you; all Ari ever does is hurt people.â
âShut your fucking mouth, Steve, or else Iâllââ
âOr else youâll what, Ari? I donât give a fuck what you do.â Steve finally looks at the brunet, squaring up to him till theyâre both face to face. Each as big as the other, each as menacing as the other. But thatâs where the similarities end. Ari looks wary, on edge. And Steve? Steve looks like he has nothing left to lose.
âOh yeah? Is that why youâve been dodging me all these weeks?â Ari barks out a laugh, but it sounds hollow, almost forced. And his eyes keep darting between Steve and back to you. âIâm telling you for the last time, Rogers. Walk away so she doesnât have to see me kill you.â
âStop acting like some kind of fucking hero, Ari. You of all people should know thatâs not what you are.â Steve fires back, âYouâll hurt her, just like you hurtââ
âMy carâs parked around the corner. You know what it looks like. Go, I donât want you to see this.â Ari says to you, his hand dropping yours as he keeps his eyes on the blonde in front of him. You watch as his fists clench by his sides.
Thereâs a pause before Steve laughs. And just like Ariâs from earlier, Steveâs laugh sounds hollow too. Like neither of them are enjoying this confrontation. And neither are you, and yet your feet remain planted to the ground. The winds are still howling around you, encasing the three of you in a whirlpool. And within it, you sense the strongest feeling of foreboding youâve felt yet.
âYou still havenât told her, have you?â Steve accuses.
A dark, anxious feeling pools inside your chest, twisting your veins, reaching straight for your heart. More secrets? âTell me what, Ari?â
âGo to my car, Iâm serious.â
âI heard your little speech from just now. I heard all your promises. How youâll never hurt her again,â Steve shoves Ari. And itâs a drunken shove, but a hard one. âHow youâll protect her,â another shove, âHow youâre in love with her.â
âShut the fuck up, Steve. You have no idea what youâreââ
âTell me, is that what you told my sister too?â
Everything stops. Even the wind, with how fierce and mighty it had been all night, comes to a screeching halt. Itâs like the grass stops rustling, the trees stop swaying. You think your heart has stopped too. Steveâs sister? Kira? Ari knew her? The dark, anxious feeling doubles up, multiplies in a millisecond. You feel like your insides have turned to tar, and your blood freezes in the worst way possible.
âWh-Whatâs he talking about, Ari?â Your question comes out soft, timid. As if youâre afraid of the answer.
Ariâs head whips around, and his cheeks are flushed. His jaw tensed, his eyes wild. Quickly, he shakes his head, âHe doesnât know what heâs saying, okay? Clearly, heâs drunk, and high off of something, and he doesnât know what heâs sayingââ
âWHAT THE FUCK DID KIRA EVER DO TO YOU, ARI?!â Steve erupts, making you jump. Ari flinches too, but Steve closes in on him, his dark eyes blazing. âWhat did she ever do to you? Except trust you?â He laughs bitterly, âMaybe that was her mistake. Trusting someone like you.â And then he looks straight at you, âDonât make the same mistake, Y/N. Heâll run you out of this place just like he did my sister.â
Your lower lip quivers, âWhat do you mean?â
Ari grabs your hand and pulls you back, âLetâs just go. He doesnât know what he means. He has no fucking clue what heâs talking about.â
Like itâs a hot poker, you pull your hand out of his grip, staring up at him incredulously.
âI have no fucking clue, huh? As if I havenât been in the same house as her, watching her lock herself up in her room and cry for the past fucking year!â Steve says, and this time he squares up to Ari again, grabbing the brunetâs collar to make him look at him. âAs if I havenât watched her become a fucking shell of her former self, as if I havenât watched her lose her smile, lose her personality, lose her fucking will to interact with anyone. All because of you!â
Now itâs Ariâs turn to shove Steve, and he does it with full force. Steve stumbles backwards, and Ari looks at him in fury. And yet he doesnât say anything, nothing at all. And the sticky black tar coats your heart and starts seeping into your lungs, making it hard for you to breathe. Making it hard for you to make sense of whatâs going on. Oh god, what exactly was Steve saying?! And why wasnât Ari denying anything?!
âYou canât even deny it anymore, can you?â Steve spits out, âAnd now youâre out here actinâ like a fuckinâ superhero, promising Y/N the entire world. Well, why donât you answer my question, Levinson? Is that what you promised Kira too? Is that what you fucking promised her before you spread those pictures of her to every fucking person you know?â
Thatâs when you feel like the windâs been knocked out of you. You feel faint, dizzy. Like youâre no longer real. Ari turns to look at you, and you canât even begin to decipher his expression but itâs like you no longer want to look at him. Pictures? Like nudes? Ari? Spreading private pictures of Kira around campus??? You shake your head, willing him to say something, to deny it all vehemently.
âSheâs my sister,â Steveâs voice breaks, an outpouring of emotion that youâve never ever seen from him. His face red, his fists clenched but not in anger, more so in desperate sadness. âSheâs my sister and you were my friend and you fucking broke her, Ari. She couldnât handle it, everyone talking about her, laughing at her. You ran her out of school, and you broke her. And now youâre gonna do the same thing to Y/N too.â
Ari swallows, looking stricken how youâve never seen him look before. He sucks in his breath, and when he speaks, it sounds like itâs a stranger talking: âDonât even act like you have Y/Nâs best interests at heart, after what you did to her. And you have no idea what youâre sayiââ
âThis is who he is!â Steve erupts again, this time looking straight at you, âMy sister was so fucking trusting, she did whatever he asked her to. She sent him pictures that were supposed to be private, all âcause he told her to. She never shouldâve trusted an asshole like him but she did, she trusted him with everything she had, and now look at her.â He shakes his head, his entire body shaking from either anger or grief or both. âAnd Kira, she was so broken over it, she told me never to mention it again to anyone, she made me promise not to. But you need to know who he really is. Heâs a fucking asshole whoâll hurt anyone! He hurt Kira, he hurt Sharon, and heâll hurt you too.â
âLetâs go,â Ari says to you, gathering himself and grabbing your hand, âLetâs just go and Iâll explain everything.â
For the second time, you snatch your hand away from his and shake your head, your mind racing and you think youâre going to be sick. Oh God, how many more times would Ari lie to you? âDonât touch me.â
âBaby, I said Iâd explainââ
âYou knew Steveâs sister this whole time?â
âYes, butââ
âWh-Why didnât you tell me? Why didnât you mention it even once?â Your voice sounds high, like youâre about to start crying from shock. And betrayal. You suck in your breath. Heâd been hiding this from you, so what else was he hiding?
He tries to grab your hand again, but you take a step back in disbelief.
âDonât you dare touch me. Y-Youâre a liar! You lied again. You told me you wouldnât lie to me but you lied again!â Oh, you feel like you donât even know him anymore! Did you ever truly know him to begin with? You think back to Kira, so anxious that she couldnât even look you in the eye. Had Ari really hurt her so badly? Spread around nude pictures of her and ruined her life and then continued on with his own as if none of it had even happened? âH-How could you do that to her? How could youââ
Ari opens his mouth to speak, but thatâs when Steve tackles him. You scream, caught off-guard as the two behemoths fall to the ground. The wind resumes its wicked gusts, and this time itâs like itâs taunting you. Taunting you for forcing yourself time and time again to live in this fairytale utopia where Ari and you could ever possibly work. Each slap of cold air on your face reminding you that nothing, nothing in the whole world, could ever make the two of you work.
And maybe it was written in the stars, maybe this fight was bound to happen between the two of them. And yet you canât make sense of it, watching with stricken horror as Steve grabs Ariâs collar again.
âYou sick, twisted bastard! Fuck you for ruining my sister!â Steve punches him, but Ari quickly dodges it. And Steveâs movements are slower, sluggish. You feel sick thinking of how much heâs had to drink tonight. He was already drunk hours ago when heâd showed up at your dorm room, but now? Now he looks doubly wasted, teetering on the verge of no return and completely past the point of even caring about it.
Steveâs fuelled by alcohol and a tragic rage. No, rage was the wrong word, because the anger he was exhibiting now was nothing like when heâd punched the wall or when heâd lost his cool at basketball practice. Now, it felt different. Like he was charged by his own sadness, and an underlying sense of resignation. Like a part of him didnât care what would happen to him by the end of tonight. Like he was getting all his punches in before he⊠before heâŠ
âStop!â You finally find your voice and yell out, but it doesnât carry, your words getting lost in the wind. Ari shoves Steve off of him, dragging both of them to their feet. Steve throws another punch, and Ari dodges it just in time so instead of his fist connecting with his jaw, it slams painfully against his shoulder. But Ari doesnât flinch.
âYou have no fucking clue what youâre talking about!â Ari snarls, drawing his fist back to punch back. Thatâs when you throw all caution to the wind and run forward, coming between them.
âDonât, Ari! Heâs drunk, and he took all this medication, andâŠâ your voice trails off, but the worry is evident in your tone as the realisation hits you. His medication for his mood swings. How much of it had he taken? Ari pauses, still glaring daggers at Steve, who looks back at him just as venomously.
âHIT ME, LEVINSON! DO IT, JUST HIT ME!â Steve shouts, louder than the wind itself. âItâs not like Iâve got shit to lose, so go right ahead! Iâve said what I had to say and now Iâm fucking done.â His face twists, veins popping in his forehead, his blonde locks brushing over his wild eyes as they rest on you. His gaze softens somewhat, like a drunken, tragic hero. âIâm done, Y/N. Itâs okay, Iâm done. And Iâm sorry for hurting you. Iâm sorry for scaring you. I hope one day youâll be able to forgive me.â
Why was he talking like that? You have no time to contemplate his words, however. Because Ari steps forward in front of you, his fist clenched to his side. And youâve never seen him look this angry, and once more he draws his fist back, and you try to find your voice to stop him but nothing comes out. And the wind hits its crescendo, and thereâs a clap of thunder serving as an exclamation point to this disastrous evening. Your entire body jerks, as if expecting something terrible to happen, and you close your eyes and you brace yourselfâŠ
A loud thud. You open your eyes, a scream getting caught in your throat when you see Steve on the ground. Motionless.
âAri, what did you do!?â You cry.
Ari turns to you, breathing hard and yet heâs got a confused look on his face. His fist is still clenched but he shakes his head in shock.
âNothing. I swear I didnât do anything, he just⊠He just collapsed.â
You run over, crouch down next to Steve, trying to survey any damage. Sure enough, his face looks pristine, apart from a bluish-purple hue to his pale skin that you hadnât noticed before. No signs of having been punched, however. But itâs his eyes that catch your attention, stricken and looking straight up. Almost like heâs unresponsive, when just a second ago heâd been on his feet and just fine.
âOh god, oh my god. Steve!?â Your voice goes high with panic. With trembling hands, and quick, flurrying movements, you shake his shoulders. But all that does is make his head loll back, and heâs still staring up at the sky with a glassy look on his face, not reacting to you at all. Almost like heâs on another planet. Trying to keep your panic at bay, you quickly try and feel for his pulse, and thatâs when you really start to lose it.
âOh my god, Ari, he-he doesnât have a pulse! I canât find his pulse, I c-canâtâ ARI, DO SOMETHING!â
Ari, who up until this moment seemed to be frozen in shock, staring at his still clenched fist as he stood over the two of you, seems to finally snap out of it. He springs into action, pushing you aside and crouching down next to the blond. He grabs his wrist while you look on, horrified beyond belief over what exactly was happening in front of your eyes.
He knew that mixing alcohol with his medication was dangerous, you think to yourself, another bout of sick realisation dawning on you. Heâs pre-med, heâs studying to be a doctor. Of course, he knew! Had he⊠had he meant to do this? Oh GodâŠ
âHeâs got a pulse,â Ari mutters, âHeâs got one but itâs weak.â
Tears gather in your eyes as your head starts to spin, âH-He was on this medication, he told me earlier F-For his mood swings or something. And he was drinking too, and he probably took his pills and he drank and, oh God, I shouldâve done something! I didnât think it was that bad, I didnâtââ
âWe need to call 911.â Ari says firmly, and youâre relieved that at least one of you is keeping their wits about them. You donât know whether Ariâs just good under pressure or whether heâs in genuine shock too, judging by the frozen look on his face. Nevertheless, you watch him as he stands up, getting his phone out of his pocket and dialling the number.
And, almost like in cruel irony, the howling winds that had been swirling around you have now gone silent. Deathly silent. Itâs like the three of you are in a vacuum, and yet you can barely even hear Ari talking on the phone. All you can hear is your fucking heart in your chest, and the racing of your own thoughts: this is my fault, this is my fault, this is my faultâŠ
âCome on, Steve!â You urge, grabbing his hand and almost recoiling because of how limp and cold it feels. Heâd been so warm when youâd kissed him hours earlier, so warm and soft. And it seems like lightyears ago, that kiss followed by the breathless silence. How youâd noted how he looked like he was one sip away from disaster. Oh, why hadnât you done more? You could have sobered him up, but youâd been so wrapped up in your own problems. And now?
âP-Please, donât do this. Just wake up. Or say something, just please!â And you donât know why youâre having such a reaction â wasnât it you whoâd told Steve hours ago how you and him barely even knew each other? How there was nothing between the two of you? How heâd ruined all of that? Then why, why, why was your heart burning up right now? Like a ball of fire deep in your chest, waiting to explode. You tap his cheek desperately, noting the blueish tone of his lips, wondering why you hadnât noticed that earlier. Beating yourself up over it.
âTheyâre coming,â you hear Ari say behind you, âAn ambulance is on its way. Itâs gonna be okay.â
But you donât even hear him, too busy thinking back to when Steve had been in your dorm room earlier tonight. The sad look in his eyes as heâd turned to leave after your kiss. You can feel your tears soaking up your freezing cold cheeks now as you squeeze his hand.
âI forgive you, okay? I forgive you! Just wake up, please! Steve, just wake up! Didnât you hear me? I forgive you!â
Your tears blur your vision, and his face becomes a pale blur. Fiercely, you wipe your eyes with your one free hand. And vaguely, you can feel Ariâs hand on your shoulder. And his is so warm. And Steveâs is so cold. Hot and cold. Cold and hot. You donât even notice when you feel your own hand being squeezing lightly.
âThatâs good,â Steve says faintly, his lips barely moving. You gasp and move closer, hoping you havenât imagined it. His eyes flutter gently, like he doesnât want to keep them open anymore. But his face looks relaxed, so relaxed that itâs scary, and it feels like youâre looking at a ghost. Those blue lips part once more. âDonât worry about me. Iâm comfortably numb, remember? I think I finally made it lastâŠâ
âNo, no, no, noâŠâ you scramble, watching as his eyes slip shut. You squeeze his hand again, shake at his shoulders, tap his cheek. Oh no, no, no, no. And all around you, the trees start swaying once more. The great gusts of wind continue, almost like they never even stopped, and another branch falls to the ground. The grass rustles beneath where Steve lies, and the moonlight shines on his face, making his pallor look a deathly kind of beautiful. Like an angel.
And it reminds you of the first night youâd met him. The night youâd dreamed of him. Heâd looked like an angel in your dreams too.
The wind whistles with great might, and it sounds like a cackle. As if itâs mocking you. And Steve is still, and Ariâs still holding firmly on to you, and you can barely hear the blare of the siren as the ambulance slowly approaches.
A/N: .....did Steve just.... OH MY GODDD. Well, if you made it this far then congratulations!!! I really hope y'all liked it. I'm so scared it didn't live up to expectations. I KNOW there was no smut but you guys I tried my best to see where I could fit it in... I just couldn't justify putting it in anywhere in the story and it actually making sense, pls understand! UGHHH I'm just so insecure about this chapter, but if you liked it PLESE PLEASE let me know what you think! Any thoughts, comments, feedback would genuinely be appreciated SO much like SO SO much omfg. Like any favourite parts etc? I really wanted to focus on romantic scenes between reader and the two guys and i hope i showed that! BUT YEAH PLS LMK WHAT YOU THINK ILY ILY.
Okay and as usual, here are some questions!! (y'all don't have to answer them, but just in case anyone does!!!)
Which romantic scene did you prefer? Steve coming up reader's window or Ari taking reader on a picnic? OR NEITHER???
What are your thoughts on Carla Wanda after this chapter??? LMFAOO.
Why was Sharon more upset with reader than with Ari? Hmm.....
Did Ari really spread Kira's nudes around :( ?? Or do you think there's more to the story?
TEAM ARI OR TEAM STEVE? ( if he's okay that is damn )
AND THAT'S IT! Hope y'all enjoyed it! I'm gonna stop yapping now bahahaha byeee ily ily ily
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Rewatching:
- still hate the miyagi do sequence bc it's soooo. It feels so embarrassed about the fact that tkk is part of their source material? And the miyagi is a badass line đ Daniel drinking beer and ENJOYING a blue moon? Literally he's rich enough and prissy enough to have better taste đ the ~ooh didn't you teach him English line that made me wanna drown Johnny. The WASP really jumped out of him there.
- Daniel definitely thought Johnny brought him to the warehouse as a sex thing. I'm not convinced he's wrong. Ugh Johnny talking about real men not getting cucked he definitely found 4/ch/an.
- Johnny talking about Daniel's soft hands while staring at Daniel's ass as he does push ups in front of him. đ But Daniel wincing as his knuckles hurt on plywood đ
- put your fangs in those balls. jfc dude just ask him to blow you.
- I.... Hate eagle fang Daniel đ ~thats my wife~ who are you.
- wouldn't the soles of his feet still hurt
- Johnny clearly just wanted to go on a date
- i do love the Daniel and Miguel relationship a lot
- to be perfectly honest Johnny, if you did everything your parents wanted you to do you definitely wouldn't have needed to pretend to have a job. (Obviously that would have been terrible bc his stepdad is evil but let's be accurate about what it would have looked like here.) Also very funny that ~following your passion is eagle fang when that is, in my opinion, the most obnoxious rich white new age kid advice. Accidentally accurate.
- god I love mechanic Daniel. Hot take I actually love Larusso Auto scenes
- Daniel's so good with genuine life advice. I feel like as much as they try to give us Actually He Was Poor Johnny, the class they grew up in really shows here. Daniel going there's gotta be some way even if it's weird and sucks, Johnny like well I won't do something I don't Love like a sucker in an office. I've literally only got that speech from trust fund kids.
- look I'm a sucker for outwitting your way out of a dead end, I love the fishing lesson
- that's definitely not what he told you Daniel lmao
- Johnny not even responding to 'miguel spending all that time with him lets us spend time together' in favor of talking about Iceman's abs. Carmen baby please!!! You're a gorgeous nurse you don't have to do this to yourself!!!
- ok the it's not good to carry secrets/what if it just makes things worse is definitely about coming out
- Carmen you're allowed to make active decisions about your life and your relationship with your kid
- this is a bad season bc they didn't give us another long thirsty shot of Daniel bent over a car with his pants straining
- Sam.... Awful but also you're such a baby lesbian.
- Tory hurt that Sam doesn't respect her fighting đ
- ok but for real wtf was that kids party. Where did they hold it?
- I kind of love Robby with self confidence this season
- jealous Tory đ
- tell me more about the chef Daniel's friends with đ§
- did Daniel force the kids to go into the dojo? Who do we think Johnny thinks this is?
- Daniel is absolutely low grade panic attacking though this conversation. Story wise I get it but Daniel getting hammered alone while his nightmare is back and the ally he thought he had wants to fight too :-(
- aw Louie and Anoush care about Daniel in their own way
- I do wish they had included the 'you ever think your teacher might be wrong' line as a flashback to go with Johnny's line
- Miguel really is the only person that can get through to Johnny huh
- I love Amanda so much and I love how human they let her be.
- Daniel's conversation with Robby :-(((( the silver convo. literally leave him alone.
- leoh's post about how this show understand's Daniel as Ralph Macchio Famous for being The Karate Kid rather than Daniel Larusso: a kid who had to fight one tournament with a few weeks of training as a hail Mary to not get the shit kicked out of him then got manipulated into another is the Most Correct thing ever written
- Daniel trying to teach Anthony with video game speak - I'm charmed. Dork.
- when's Daniel going to realize miyagi was more than karate đ he loved you!!! You can tell your kid it's because you love and miss him and want him to carry his love too bby
- the thing is Daniel really is an Only Child & it sounds like Amanda was too. Only Child Syndrome is real and serious.
- miyagi being the first one to hold the Larusso kids đđđ
- I do like conflicted Anthony
-blughhhh male role models đ I know I know this is male role models: the tv show but jfc
- I hate the way this show writes Lucille. Who is this. This is a generic mother in law character
- I love that Johnny's at all these family events lmao
- I KNEW Anthony was his grandma's favorite
- lmao for a minute I was like does Carmen even know Johnny has a kid.
- the silver's a creepy rich guy storyline is actually good but makes me extra đđđ about Johnny and Amanda both just brushing off daniel telling him the kk3 story
- I love Julia so muuuuuch
- lmao Daniel really Married a Johnny in Amanda huh. The This Is the Test scene but also the slapping Kreese and taking a baseball bat to the wrong target of her rage
- Chozen walking up only having eyes for Daniel đ„” the implication he was just letting Daniel have his space with Miyagi and stood there watching that conversation đ„”đ„”đ„”
#yeah i agree that it'd be great for daniel to realize that it didn't work because he did it too late & was too scared#the main lesson he's really forgetting is must not lose to fear#i do like it better on rewatch. its good setup for a good s5 i think#i also skipped all the cobra kai and all the teen scenes and that also made me enjoy it more#they're good and all but who has the time#i know what I'm about#cobra kai spoilers
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I posted 27 times in 2022
10 posts created (37%)
17 posts reblogged (63%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@dianthus-lovebomb
@himbotiem
@pedritcpascalito
@babydaddyleorio
@mk-wites
I tagged 25 of my posts in 2022
Only 7% of my posts had no tags
#reblog - 12 posts
#shadow sk8 - 5 posts
#no himbos rn - 4 posts
#sk8 - 3 posts
#sk8 the infinity - 3 posts
#beetle writes! - 2 posts
#higa hiromi - 2 posts
#sk8 shadow - 2 posts
#hiromi higa - 2 posts
#asks - 2 posts
Longest Tag: 82 characters
#im sorry this is so short but its liek 3 am and i habe a 10 am class im veyr sorry
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
This was just a little thing I did for @scorphargroveâs fic on Ao3, Bite Back. I highly recommend it, I could not put it down lmao, AND the first chapter of the sequel came out recently :D
This drawing is supposed to be in chapter 5 I think? When billy and the reader walk back into the Halloween party and try to have a good time, I wanted to get that like. Initial when they get on the dance floor time frame I guess, when it feels like itâs just those two together lol. Thereâs supposed to be silhouettes of the crowd of people around and behind them but I donât know if I executed it right đ
also I completely forgot reader had Billyâs jacket on till like halfway through the third sketch, so itâs a little stiffer than Iâd have liked. I do really like how I did his hair tho!! References are ur best friend forever frfr!
This isnât the best drawing bc the pose was kicking my ass đ hope u like it :3
4 notes - Posted November 15, 2022
#4
Should I get back into writing?? Iâve been wanting to but idk who/what to write about đ
4 notes - Posted November 13, 2022
#3
Literally no rush but pls,, I hope you finish those Hiromi fics someday đ cause your writing is so good!!!
aaaa sorry đ I will I will but schoolâs been kicking my ass and Iâve been trying to apply to college and stuff so I havenât had time for our favorite skater!!! Thank you so much for the reminder though, sorry I died
4 notes - Posted January 26, 2022
#2
HAPPY BIRHH YH DAY TO SHAODW ALSO I FOUND OUT TODAY SEAOSN TWO WAS CONFIRMeD IM GONNA CRY
7 notes - Posted September 14, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
prompt: "why the hell is there glitter everywhere?"
plot: the sk8 family trying to throw shadow a birthday party but hiromi forgot his own birthday
Thanks sm for the request!!! I hope you like it :) sorry if the ending was rushed, but itâs 4 months late đ
warnings: none! Unless glitter counts
~~~
HAPPY (late) BIRTHDAY HIROMI!!
Throwing a surprise party couldnât be that hard, right?
Wrong.
Even with the brain power of a child, two seventeen year olds, an Italian chef, and a calligrapher (who is really just hogging all the brain cells), they were still only able to make the building look a little less than mediocre.
âCâmon, it's the old manâs 25th birthday! We gotta keep going!â Reki said. He was about to fall from putting up streamers in the tallest possible corner of Joeâs restaurant, before Langa steadied the stool he was on.
âReki, this place is the best itâs probably gonna get.â Joe came out of the kitchen with a badly iced cake, âcome tell me what to write on here,â
âJust write âyouâve aged.â thatâll be funny,â Miya didnât look up from his game, but he did give a little mischievous grin at his suggestion.
âI am not writing âyouâve aged.â that would be weird.â
âThen just add âwellâ and a smiley face.â Reki said.
ââWell, smiley face, youâve aged? That doesnât sound nice-â
Cherry was tired from their shenanigans all day, âJust write Happy Birthday, you damn gorilla,â and as he turned, he actually saw the cake. âDo you even know how to ice a cake?â he didnât wait for an answer as he brought it back into the kitchen to fix the horrid decoration job. Hopefully it tasted better than it looked, Cherry had his work cut out for him.
With that, Joe figured they should probably finish up the final touches on everything, and Miya, Reki, and Langa were left in the restaurant with no adult supervision. Worst idea yet, the three of them were already up to trouble. Reki still thought the space could use more pizazz, as he knows Shadow is no simple man. Reki took a cup of glitter and started trying to find somewhere to put it, maybe on the tables? Yeah, that sounded good. He grabbed a pinch and sprinkled it over the plastic tablecloths, for some variety. He didnât notice, but Langa was sneaking up behind him to get some glitter. By the time Reki figured it out, it was too late, and it was already everywhere.
âDude! I just washed this hoodie!â Reki said with a smile. He laughed as he threw some glitter as a revenge attack, not noticing that Miya was right behind Langa.
As the first speck of glitter hit the console, Miya was up and throwing glitter back at his assailants. Reki ducked behind a booth, hopefully he'd be safe here. Alas, a face full of green and purple glitter hit him, very on brand. Reki got his own red ammo, and released it onto the catboy.
âWhat is going on here?â Oh noooo, momâs back. They halted their war in fear of the pink haired man. âI canât deal with this right now- Go visit the flower shop and tell his manager she needs to keep him busy. I need to sweep up this mess.â Without a word, the three boys marched single file out the door, sent on their mission.
They werenât very subtle. Miya, Reki, and Langa went to try to tell Shadowâs- Uh, Higaâs Manager about his surprise birthday. While he was working. They didnât plan out Cherryâs request that well.
Oh no, Higa came out of the break room, and Mrs manager went downstairs to work on a pick up order. He stopped in his tracks, seeing the devilâs dandruff all over the ground.
âWhy the hell is there glitter everywhere.â
The three boys look down and they all start talking over each other, though none saying the truth. Higa was not having it, the more they panicked, the more it fell from their hair and clothes.
âNo- you know what I donât care, get out,â Higa started pushing the boys out the door, not without (very sparkly) protest. He just got done sweeping the main floor, and now these hooligans left a snail trail of unicorn barf that heâd have to clean up before more customers came in. It was a busy day too, Higa could barely have the time to think. He woke up, came to work, and has been busting his behind all day! He didnât even remember his birthday, it was that bad. The days leading up to today hadnât been easier either, what with everyone wanting bouquets for some reason.
By the time Reki, Miya, and Langa had gotten back to the restaurant, with an incomplete mission by the way, Oka had been called to help clean up the rest of the glitter while Cherry had to go back to the cake. Oka gave Reki the broom and dustpan he was using, sighing as he walked away to make sure other things were in order.
âWhat were you guys thinking, roughhousing so close to the start of the party,â Oka was getting ready to pick up Higa, unaware that the boys never got to tell the manager to keep him there. Reki was busy sweeping, Langa taking out trash bags, so Miya had to run after him out the door.
âAh, wait! He might be home, I donât- uh, we didnât get to tell the manager to have him stay at work. I donât know.â Oka nodded at the new information, and Miya dashed back in after a fallen streamer.
Oka figured he had nothing to lose if he checked the shop first, so he started there. Luckily, Shadow was just leaving. Oka ripped off his helmet and jogged to the locked door to wait for him to come out. He soon heard the door chime and he rose to meet Shadow.
âOka, I uh- what are you doing here?â Shadow was confused, so Oka vaguely gestured to the moped and held out a helmet.
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13 notes - Posted January 26, 2022
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