#though i guess it has the same effect as casting Fear

[beaft]

hiiii I’m real sorry to hear you’re experiencing the doom. the feeling you’re describing can of course be intense anxiety, but it’s also a medical symptom that can arise for a variety of reasons, including hormonal changes. since you describe the anxiety does not have a specific trigger, it may be medical. that doesn’t mean you are ill, i want to underline that to avoid re-spiking your anxiety. it could be transitive as your body adapts to some change, or it could be something to check out with your doctor. have you started any new medications lately, or changed a dosage? particularly medications that may affect your hormones or blood health. if it persists, you may want to consult with a sympathetic doctor.

double sorry if you already know all this.

i'm actually not on any meds at all at the moment aside from my regular T-shots, so i'm fairly sure that's not it - though having my bloods checked couldn't hurt. i've been putting off registering with a GP in my new city for reasons related to trans healthcare (folks in the UK will likely know what i mean), but at some point i'm gonna need to grit my teeth and Just Do It, so maybe now is a good time

[auroralwriting]

your beauty never scared me

spencer reid x fem!bau!reader

you’re scared no one will ever love and understand you, but spencer always has.

word count: 2.2k

warnings: a bit of unrequited love, comfort/angst/fluff, negative self thought, spencer is always a sweetheart, reader has a darker aesthetic

Maybe it was the fact that you came from a broken family from a young age. No, you didn't have a bad childhood, but it wasn't ideal for a young girl growing up.

It could have been the bad high school relationships, full of boys who didn't understand how to treat a young woman. Stuck at their stupid baseball games or waiting for them to finish their video game, sitting alone on their bed waiting for them to finish.

The most likely cause for your fear of love was simply the fear that no one would ever truly understand you, and therefore, never be able to love you right.

If you looked deeper, though, much further past the surface level, deep into the core, you would've realized that Spencer Reid had been there all along.

When you first joined the BAU, Spencer Reid was a typical little nerd, the glasses he wore even fulfilling the stereotype. His rambles about anything and everything were endearing, and lead you to begin your friendship with the man after he told you the history of your favorite movies.

"...its distinctive style with his signature blend of dark humor and whimsy. His imaginative vision, influenced by German Expressionism, is evident in the film’s surreal sets and exaggerated character designs. Burton’s decision to cast Michael Keaton as the chaotic title character and his encouragement of Keaton’s improvisation contributed to the film’s memorable, unpredictable energy. The innovative special effects and makeup, along with the creative set design by Bo Welch, further showcased Burton's unique approach."

By the end of his rant, Spencer had expected you to have been completely focused on anything else, but your eyes were trained on him, a small sparkle flickering in them.

"Spence, how do you know do much about Beetlejuice? You haven't even seen it before." you'd chuckled.

"I think Tim Burton is an interesting director. Maybe we could, uh, see it together sometime? If you want, of course." Spencer awkwardly fiddled with his fingers, the suggestion of the two of you hanging out outside of the work settle rattling his nerves.

You had given him a big smile, beneath your dark clothes and makeup was a heart of white and gold, a truly captivating soul. "I'd love to, Spencer! I own it, so you can come over whenever."

"Whenever sounds good," Spencer paused, thinking about what he had just said. "I mean, Thursday?"

"Thursday it is, boy genius." That name was usually reserved for making fun of Spencer, but the way you said it actually made his heart flutter.

Spencer would've never guessed that the girl, clad in dark clothing, the complete opposite of his own aesthetic, would be interested in hanging out with him. Then, it happened. And it happened again, and again, until you became friends.

Your friendship with the doctor grew. As you got closer, Spencer began to identify your fears and your tells. You played with your hair when you were nervous, bit the skin of your fingernails when you were anxious, tapped your foot or bounced your leg when you were impatient. He began to understand you on a deeper level.

It began to be the same for you. You knew his likes, dislikes, fears and worries. You understood his struggles with his mother and father, how sometimes this job didn't feel like enough until he made a true difference in someone's life.

Spencer Reid and you had connected in nearly a cosmic level, and that began to scare you.

It was two and a half years after Spencer had met you when he realized he had been falling in love with you for nearly a year. His small crush had grown exponentially. After Haley Hotchner's death, you'd taken in Jack for several days while Hotch planned the funeral and began to clean the house from the murders. Jack had taken to you quickly; he'd gone as far as to call you his favorite aunt.

Seeing the level of compassion and helpfulness you had displayed for Hotch made Spencer begin to realize that your friendship was beginning to move to the next level for him.

He began to think of you night and day, wondering what you were doing, how you were doing, what your plans were. He wanted to be with you, to feel your skin, linger in your existence. It wasn't until JJ had explained to him that that feeling he felt was love that he began to understand that you were in no place for him to admit his feelings.

Spencer never meant to profile anyone unless he was working, but he found it hard to not with you. He noticed your lack of dating, how even when you had the chance, you evaded it. He noticed your disdain to the notion of true love, or love at first sight, or even soulmates. It didn't take him long to piece together that it wasn't a hatred of love, no, it was a fear of it. However, he could never understand the why of the fear.

Now, you and Spencer had met five years ago. You'd both physically changed in looks over the time, but your friendship only remained and grew passionately stronger.

After the death of Emily, and finding out she didn't really die, Spencer had you as his rock. You grieved together, to the point that for three weeks, you lived with Spencer in his apartment. After you'd left, Spencer realized that he couldn't live without you anymore.

Spencer and you sat on his couch, the cold September month made you crave an early Halloween movie. So, Spencer put on his own copy of Beetlejuice he bought a few years back. The soft glow of the lamp cast warm shadows across the room, and the faint scent of popcorn lingered in the air. You could hear the distant hum of the city outside, blending with the soft rustling of the movie’s soundtrack.

"I like Adam and Barbara," Spencer hummed as he watched the screen. "They make a really good couple."

You nodded, "I guess they do,"

Spencer's brows furrowed at your words. "You don't sound convinced."

"I don't know," You shrugged, sitting up and crossing your legs. "He's sort of controlling over her. It's just too much, she's a strong woman."

"You mean he's protective over her in the afterlife filled with dead people they didn't even knew existed?" Spencer raised a brow, turning to you. "I'm pretty sure that's relatively normal."

Turning your attention back to the screen, you replied, "I guess so,"

Spencer sighed, finally deciding to ask you the question he'd been avoiding for too many years now. "Why are you so scared of love?"

His question made you turn back to him, a confused look on your face. "What?"

"You're so pessimistic about it. You always avoid dating, talking about it, anything to even do with love." Spencer explained. "I'm just curious, why?"

"Because, there is no way love that strong exists." You concluded, folding your arms over your chest. "That's why it's all in the movies. It's fake for a reason."

Spencer nearly chuckled at your words, finding himself in disbelief. Sure, he didn't really believe in soulmates, but he definitely believed in love. "Sure love exists," Spencer said. "True love has to come from somewhere to be spoken about. It's why its so deeply rooted into art and literature. Plus, with the psychological evidence of--"

"Okay, okay," You put your hands up in mock surrender. "I believe you, Spence." You'd never cut off one of his rants before.

"This bothers you," Spencer noted, his arms mocking your previous stance as they folded over his chest. "Why does this bother you so much, what aren't you telling me?"

You let out a huff of air in reply, your defences kicking into full gear. "Why do you care so much?"

Spencer stuttered over his words, “Uh- because it clearly affects you! It’s not hard to notice your dislike of it, and I want to know.” Spencer defended. He could see it in your eyes, though. You were too good of a profiler to not know he was lying through his teeth.

“The real reason?” You sharply replied, hating that Spencer was lying.

“Because I’m in love with you,” Spencer’s voice was filled with desperation. “Here you are, constantly belittling the idea of love when that’s all I want to give to you, and I don’t understand why.”

His words cut you like a knife. You hadn’t expected him to say that, let alone feel it. It almost made you feel guilty. “No one has ever understood me, Spencer. I don’t want to settle for just anyone who will pretend for their whole life that they know me when deep down they will never be able to understand who I am, what I need.”

“You think I don’t?” Spencer challenged. He tried not to feel offended at your words, truly. Yet they hit him like a slap to the face. He felt like he understood you.

“Okay, prove it then.”

Spencer was ready for this, “Your least favorite cases involve those with divorced parents. Not because of the affect on their children, but the affect it takes on them. You hate to see when it hurts one of them, or both.” Spencer’s first claim was true, and it caught you off guard. “You hate anything with a pumpkin scent, however, you enjoy real pumpkins because of their look rather than their scent. You bite your lip, tap your foot, shake your leg, all when you feel negatively.”

“Anyone could profile that,” You weakly replied, feeling thrown off at Spencer’s careful acknowledgment of your little tells.

“Are you afraid of love because no one will ever understand you, or because you’re scared you’ll never find someone who will.” Spencer finished. He watched as your mouth opened and closed, the words not quite making it out. “I see you, I hear you. My favorite thing is when you tell me things about yourself, your day, your feelings. Any day without you is a bad day and any day with you is a good one.”

Spencer’s words left your heart beating faster in your chest as you began to realize this is what you were looking for all along, but your own fear that you would never find it blind sighted you to the truth. The truth that Spencer Walter Reid was in love with you.

Spencer often recalled his own struggles with relationships, remembering the long hours he spent studying while his peers socialized. With him being so much younger, he had no way to truly connect with them. The sense of isolation he felt growing up made him cherish the connections he built later in life, driving him to seek genuine understanding and affection. On the other hand, your own problems with family and bad relationships drove you to hold a near-resentful feeling to love. It made you feel like it was something you could never have. That was something Spencer was beginning to see from your perspective.

"Please," Spencer's voice was softer, more vulnerable as his eyes pleaded with you. "say something."

"I'm sorry," you breathed. For a moment, Spencer thought you were about to reject him, until he saw the glistening tears form in your eyes. "I-I should've known sooner."

Spencer nearly chuckled, "I didn't want to make it too obvious."

"Spencer?" you asked.

"Yeah?" he replied.

"Why do you love me?"

Your question made his heart nearly crack at the raw fragility your tone held. All he wanted to do was to take you into his arms and sing you sweet nothings until you believed him, but right now that wasn't an option. "I love you because you're unapologetically you," Spencer's reply made you finally lock eyes with him. "You're so sweet and kind, you never try to hide the things you like and dislike. You're so bold and brave. You make me feel so alive, so wanted. Every moment with you is a reminder of how extraordinary it is to be around someone who radiates such genuine warmth and enthusiasm."

"You really love me?" Your voice felt meek in comparison to how your normal assertiveness and bravato sounded. Your heart felt three times bigger in your chest as a tear dared to slip down your cheek.

Before it could even leave your eye, Spencer brought his sleeve over his hand and soaked it up gently with the cuff. "I love you with every part of me."

"I think I want to love you, too." you admitted. It felt hard to say those words, to finally give into your darkest, most vulnerable desire of unwavering love.

"Even with your fears, you're beautiful." Spencer softly reached to graze your cheek. "This, your fears, nothing could ever scare me. I'll teach you to let me love you if I need to."

"That better be a promise," you slightly chuckled, holding your pinky out to the man.

Spencer smiled, locking his pinky with your own, "It's a promise."

As you held Spencer’s pinky in your own, a sense of peace settled over you. The weight of your fears began to lift, replaced by a tentative hope. "Maybe love isn’t as impossible for me as I thought," You whispered, reaching out to hold his hand. Spencer’s smile was both a promise and a comfort, signaling the beginning of a new chapter in your lives.

[pawsmos]

100th post special!!!

this is art for my “Prince and the Knight” AU ive been working on for some time now.. here’s a meal whace nation!!

lore under cut!

KEHRHHEEB J LOVE THEM SO MUCH DUDE

vvvv

(im not that good with writing nor am i well versed in medieval honorifics and terminology or anything like that so there may be anachronisms)

(this is a separate au from any other medieval aus!! I’ve seen those and love those though)

(the rest of the drdt cast also exists in this au too btw. im considering making charles a butler or a lord or something. none of the cast are the king or queen by the way! that’s aces parents / Eden’s parents. ace also still has all his siblings)

tw for mild homophobia

- Prince Ace, a soon-to-be king, is arranged to marry Princess Eden from a nearby kingdom.

- Both Ace and Eden are upset about the marriage, as Ace is gay (he’s subconsciously aware that he isn’t attracted to women) and Eden is lesbian.

- They both feel resigned to their fate despite their discontent.

- While coping on the back balcony, Ace meets Sir Whit, the newly promoted head of the royal guard. (somehow. who knows how whit got promoted tbh)

- They talk, during which Whit makes joking advances towards Ace.

- Ace, though flustered by Whit’s passes, thinks about the consequences of both liking a man and betraying the kingdom.

(he doesn’t personally care about the latter but he does fear that his father would… idk execute him or something. he is also in denial.)

- Much to Ace’s dismay, they become close friends. However, Whit is aware of the upcoming marriage, so he tries to shut off his own feelings to save himself from feeling bad.

- A few months pass, in which Whit helps Ace overcome his own fears and come to terms with his feelings and sexuality. They start slow (like doing horseback riding together haha), but end up routinely sneaking out together.

- On one particular night, on the same balcony they met, just a day before the wedding, something happens. In a spur-of-the-moment decision, Ace kisses Whit and REALLY likes it.

- He realizes that he wants this man. But, realizing that he might get caught, Ace runs away.

- Before the wedding, Ace and Eden finally meet. While preparing for the ceremony, they bond over their shared reluctance of their marriage.

- Eden confesses that she’s actually a lesbian, and there’s a lady back at her kingdom that she’s deeply in love with. (it’s arei LMFAO)

- Ace bluntly replies that he’s gay too.

- insert uhh lightbulb ding effect

- They conjure a plan to get married for convenience, and to appease their parents, but mostly so that they can pursue their own partners. They worry about the kiss though and the people who might be watching. Especially Whit and Arei.

- Skip to the wedding day, Whit suppresses his feelings (like usual) and claps while he watches someone he loves dearly get married off to another. Whit excuses himself from the wedding.

- For post-ceremonial reasons, Ace can’t apologize or even talk to Whit for another week.

i haven’t really thought about the rest but i assume that, once Ace is allowed to go out, he will be the one confessing his love to whit. whit gets “caught”, miscommunication,,,, idek they just… ARE IN LOVE. HAHA.. if you want to write any fics about this or make any art feel free! use the tag “#whace prince and knight au”

thank you!!

THANK YOU FOR READING MY CLICHE YAOI FANFIC ILY IF YOU GET THIS FAR.

THANK YOU FOR 75 FOLLOWERS TOO!!!!

id also like to say that i might start opening commissions because i need a form of making money. but umm i don’t know how to start a paypal or venmo or anything like that. LOL. digital gift cards could work i guess, uhhhh idk. dm me for info!

[citrusandrottefruit]

Diagnosed with Hanahaki, a genetic autoimmune disease, as a child, Steve has learned to live with it. Along the way, he finds a family and falls in love with Eddie. He is never cured, but he lives.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

Being diagnosed as a child meant that Steve didn’t have to tell anyone about Hanahaki, because his parents were the ones managing everything related to his health, and anyone he might want to share this information with was another child, so he had no reason to. Because of all this, Steve didn’t develop any particularly effective methods of announcing that he was sick. His parents told his teachers, babysitters, or nannies. The hospital staff just had to read his medical records.

Being Mrs. Harrington's son taught Steve to be discreet, because he learned that letting other people know could be painful and embarrassing. A show of weakness, sometimes. A part of him so intimate, so vulnerable, so shameful, so frightening that he could never even bring himself to share it with Tommy or Carol.

So when he sat down across from Wayne, a week after he had talked to Eddie and had reintegrated himself into the Munsons’ daily lives, he wondered how to do that. Eddie, who had been watching him out of the corner of his eye, seemed so nervous that Wayne began to look between them, suspicious and curious. Steve figured he hadn’t asked anything yet because he wanted to let them talk first.

He also wondered if Wayne was expecting some kind of different news.

“Wayne,” Steve called, because that was what he had been instructed to call Wayne. “I told Eddie something last week, and I thought I should tell you, too.”

“You don’t owe me anything, son.”

Despite his words, Wayne’s face showed that he wanted to know. Besides, Steve disagreed. He couldn’t just insert himself so deeply into someone’s life without alerting them to the danger he posed.

“I have Hanahaki. It’s not something new, so it’s not like I’m going to drop dead at any minute, and it’s not like I’m learning how to deal with it. I’m fine, I have access to treatment and medication, and I’m not freaking out about it all.” He said it all at once, hoping that throwing out all the information without wasting any time would ensure that Wayne wouldn’t worry.

Eddie frowned and kept casting sidelong glances at Steve, though he also exchanged deep looks with Wayne. They had that ability, a bit like Steve’s with Robin, of communicating without saying a single word.

Steve’s ears felt like they were plugged with cotton, but he heard Wayne finally speak. It felt like ages had passed.

“Steve.” He hadn’t dared look directly at Wayne yet, but he couldn’t help but do just that when he heard the crack in his voice. 

After everything that had happened with Eddie just three and a half months ago, Steve was more than familiar with reading the pain and fear on Mr. Munson’s face. He hadn’t expected to be the cause of the same kind of expression.

“Are you really okay?” 

“Not my best moment, but yeah. I’ve got it under control now.” 

“What can I do? What can we,” he gestured between himself and Eddie, “do to help?”

“I… I guess just by being here.”

Wayne nodded silently. 

Steve figured he needed time to process everything and that he would want some answers, so he let the minutes pass while he tried to organize in his mind which parts of his life he would have to expose. The truth was that he wanted to keep it all to himself and pretend that everything was fine, but the doctors had been warning him for years that there would come a time when he could no longer pretend, that it would help if he didn't worry about keeping everything so secret, and that he could only have a normal life if he had more support.

He couldn't ask for any of this with a clear conscience if he didn't clarify at least a few points.

So he told him about how his mother developed Hanahaki first and how his parents made sure he got the best treatment possible and how his father organized Steve's finances into profitable investments so that he would always have some income even if he could no longer work.

“Is that all they did?”

The question took Steve by surprise and he didn’t know how to answer. His parents weren’t with him, they barely cared, and Steve didn’t even know for sure how his mother’s health was doing, even though the two were mirror images of each other, but Mr. Harrington had made a considerable effort for him. Granted, the money invested in Steve’s name was what was always meant for him, to pay for college, and granted that his parents didn’t think it was worth it for Steve to go to college, because he wasn’t smart and wouldn’t be able to manage his studies while working and taking care of his health. It wasn’t an extra gift, but it was a lot. It was much more than most people had.

His parents weren't sacrificing or giving up what was theirs, but they never denied Steve anything, so it was okay.

They had never been good at parenting. The way things were, Steve would most likely cause crisis after crisis for his mother, angering his father so much that he couldn't handle his wife, and in return, Steve would do the same for them. They would kill each other. Being apart would provide more stability than they would have together.

Despite their fragile bonds, the Harringtons had done what they could to keep Steve alive, and he wouldn't dare complain about it.

So Steve didn't answer, because he didn't want anyone to think he was convalescing from missing his parents, and he also didn't want to lie.

But that same night, as he and Eddie sat in the backyard, with four feet between them, Steve thought, "Why not?" and he spoke.

If he was going to pursue any relationship with Eddie, Eddie needed to know everything.

“I think my dad triggered Hanahaki on my mom,” he said suddenly, his tone flat and disinterested and almost too low. Eddie listened, because he was more attentive than ever to every sound Steve made. It was both scary and exciting.

Steve took advantage of the attention and said things he had never dared to say out loud before. About how Mrs. Harrington liked to pretend everything was fine, about how his parents were tight and traveled together all year long. About how he could expect a fifteen-minute phone call every month, except sometimes it was no more than five minutes, just to check in and see if he was still alive.

Eddie was so angry and indignant to hear this that Steve was happy and allowed himself to feel like he had to defend his parents. Because this time, he didn’t have to be the one fighting to validate all the hurt his parents had caused. Eddie was doing that on his own.

“They know I’m alive because they get updates on my health all the time. Sometimes they mention a procedure I’ve had. They call to hear from me that I’m alive.”

“I don’t like your parents,” Eddie muttered under his breath. “If you were mine, I’d be with you all the time.”

Steve smiled fondly.

“You are now.”

After that, the next conversation was with Joyce and Hopper. Both Eddie and Robin had volunteered to be there, but wanting to do it alone and away from the kids, he asked Eddie to go out with them and make sure they were distracted. 

Besides, as much as he wanted someone by his side, needing other people so much was exactly what he had been avoiding. 

So he ended up alone in the Byer-Hopper kitchen, under the watchful eye of an anxious and worried Joyce. She kept glancing over her shoulder at Steve as she paced around for no apparent reason, under the pretense of needing to prepare dinner even though she had already said that some groceries were missing and Hopper had gone to get them.

They made small talk as Steve helped chop some vegetables and grew increasingly restless, eager to get home and hug Eddie or Robin. Then he realized he had been thinking of the Munson residence as “home” and redirected his thoughts to imagine a quiet evening watching movies or walking around town (since he had started to feel more tired and weak, Steve had gained a greater appreciation for walking than ever before). 

The sound of the door opening followed by grunts and heavy footsteps caught his attention, and both Steve and Joyce turned to face Hopper. He stopped, scanning the entire room and craned his neck back toward the stairs, as alert as everyone always seemed to be after everything. 

“Steve came to visit.”

“The kids are with Munson.” Hopper grunted.

“Yeah, I wanted to talk to you two about something I’ll talk to them about later.”

“Do they want you to ask them for something?” Joyce asked, frowning. “I’m sorry if they dragged you into any of their plans, Steve.”

“No, no, it’s something I really want to talk about, I haven’t talked to them about any of this yet.”

“Well, do it.” Hopper encouraged.

Then, in what was very similar to the conversation with Wayne, Steve told him about Hanahaki and the treatment. He wasn't surprised by the tears or the hug from Joyce, but Hopper's hand on his shoulder, her broken voice, and his hasty exit were more than Steve had expected.

“Give him some time.” Joyce asked. “He’ll be back. You still have things to say, right?”

“Sort of, but I can come back later.”

“Would you prefer this? Come back later?”

He opened his mouth, not knowing how to respond to that. What he really wanted was to say it right away and leave, but Steve also wanted to respect their space, to give them time to think.

“I can come back later.”

Joyce didn’t answer, she just kept running her eyes all over Steve’s face. Then she sighed and gave him an awkward smile.

“Or we can keep cooking, come here. Help me organize the groceries, so we can continue.”

They didn’t have much time before Hopper returned, much more stoic than when he’d left.

“So, Steve. If I understand correctly, you’ve been sick for over 10 years.”

“Yes, sir.”

“In 1983, you were already sick.” Hopper pointed out the obvious, as if he were trying to steer the conversation somewhere specific. Steve nodded. “We’ve been to the hospital several times since then, and it’s been months since everything’s been back to normal. Why are we only hearing about this now?”

“I was stable. I still am, actually, but my rate of decline, even outside of acute flare-ups, has been worse. The daily symptoms, the things I feel even when I’m fine, have been more intense.” Steve explained, measuring his words as he spoke. “If the Ups… If something happens again, I don’t think I can be someone you can trust, because I won’t be able to protect the children.”

“Oh my Gosh, Steve.” Joyce covered her mouth and looked at the floor.

“It’s not that big of a deal, to be honest. It’s not like I’m going to die tomorrow.” He probably didn’t add. He probably wasn’t going to die any time soon. “I’m responding well to the treatment. Besides, that’s one of the reasons I wanted to talk to you two: the worry of administering Hanahaki while trying to hide it from other people doesn’t, uh, mix well with the treatment.”

“And this treatment. How are you paying for it? Do you have to have weekly sessions or something?” Hopper asked.

“No, I’m just on some medication, if any complications arise I’ll go to the hospital and find out what can be done. Other than that, I’ve been having monthly checkups for monitoring. And my parents. They’re paying for everything.”

“That’s less than the least those two could do.”

“Hop!” Joyce clapped him on the shoulder, and though he mumbled something inept that Steve assumed was an apology, he didn’t sound the least bit remorseful. He looked furious.

“Anyway,” Steve started again, “you don’t need to worry about that. I’m fine. What’s bothering you is the kids.” 

Hopper looked at him, alarmed. 

“The kids? What’s wrong with them?” 

“I need to tell them. Since you’re Will and El’s parents, and you’re important to the Party, I know you might have. Worries? Fears? With me being around them. It wouldn’t be easy for them if something happened to me, so I understand if you want me to give them some space.” 

“What are you talking about? Even if we decided to push you guys away, I’m sure they’d find a way to drag you back. They’d probably set up camp in your living room.” 

“We’d never do that, Steve, because we love you too, you know that, right?” Joyce asked as she approached, pulling him into a hug he hadn’t even prepared for yet. 

A knot in Steve’s chest loosened. 

That night, even though he had been invited to stay and have dinner, Steve returned to the apartment alone. He called Eddie and Robin, who kept asking where he was, and when he finally felt alone and at peace, he began to cry.

Tag list | @estrellami-1 @drips-and-drabbles15 @im-sam-fucking-winchester @wonderland-girl143-blog @eyehartart

[rei-ismyname]

X-Men #6 FROM THE ASHES

Last issue is starting to make a lot more sense - I think Jed McKay might have strong feelings about the Morrison era. Spoilers, obviously.

Hi Xorn! Hi Magneto! Good to have you join us. It's nice to see Magneto is progressive, polite and welcoming. It's still an ideological regression from where he was at in X-Men Red/RoM/Uncanny X-Men #700, but I guess he's mostly scenery in this comic sadly. As a fellow disabled burden on society I empathize with him, but I'd like to see him still be a character of focus. Otherwise, why put him in the book? It's a shame his moment makes Xorn look like a fool - is that really his first question? Dude is a fucking monk and these people are right there.

He's wearing his Morrison/Quitely uniform too, which is not a great comparison to be drawing imo. He was last seen hanging out with his brother and Legion in Way of X, but I suppose this is as good a place as any for him to be now. Hopefully we see more of him.

Look how much Quentin has grown since Riot at Xavier's. Or maybe he's depressed. Either way he's definitely looking sharp. Idie notices one of the protesters throwing up the M.

People want Beast to solve their problems but he doesn't have the same experience and knowledge as old Beast, not that X-FORCE Beast did any of that. It's a character beat, but one we've seen before. Maybe he'll learn magic again! Magik is still very defeatist it seems, and perhaps her determination is waning. Can't say I blame her.

Quiche is dope but jokes about it aren't. Not this millennium. The Glob/Quentin dynamic is another Morrison callback. Don't worry, there's plenty more this issue 🙄. One pitfall with light-hearted quippy nostalgia is it undermines serious events happening next to it and gives mood whiplash. Somehow Idie knows Ilyana is communicating secretly with her brother. It doesn't come up again. Based on how McKay has been seeding beats we'll find out in issue #10.

Okay, so we know Magik is smart and now Idie does too. It'd be nice if more of this team started acting like friends - maybe this is the start of something beautiful. I can't say I buy Magik undermining Cyclops on a whim but she lays out the dilemma then puts Idie in charge.

They walk into the trap by putting Cobb Sr to sleep. Idie's secret is pretty cute and an effective 'cost of magic' shorthand. I am wary that it refers to nostalgia about a time that was already hyper nostalgia, but I'm getting used to it. We get to see the Cobb family dynamic, utterly predictable.

I enjoy everything on this page.

- Cyclops and Psylocke sparring

- Expanding on Hank and Mags' budding relationship with reference to their history.

- Building on Beast's fear of becoming a monster again.

- Magneto being emotionally supportive.

No new information here, though I love a jab at Fabian Cortez. This is more of a reference than anything else, though it's good to see some self awareness from Max. Although, Cortez showed a lot of growth on Krakoa.

This is a nice moment too. This version of Hank was a massive horn dog. Not saying that's where it's going but he's gregarious and it does make sense to have him be welcoming to another non-passing mutant. Glob too, though he comes off as massive dork. We still don't know much about Jen or Ben which makes it hard to get invested. If they do stick around they'd be inflating a cast that's already being covered unevenly.

Okay, Piper is here and Scott isn't pleased. Idie would have a point but it would have taken 2 minutes to talk about it. Yeah she asked for help and came willingly but as Scott says she's a minor. Her home life looks miserable and tracks closely enough to many queer experiences, but society unfortunately says children are property. It sucks, but she needs support. Nobody wins when her mother calls the cops. Is this about Piper or Idie here? I would love to see Idie being the moral core of the team but this just makes her look naive and impulsive - which is at odds with her 15+ years of characterisation. She was in jail last year!

Piper reveals that the 'Wild Sentinel' was after her and the Iron Night was her 'fault.' It's left on a cliffhanger but let's hope this doesn't torch the X-Men's relationship with Merle, Alaska.

The Morrison thing - Psychic rescue, Quentin and Glob, scientists making mutants, Cassandra Nova, Xorn is still in his uniform from the time, wild sentinel mention (which is super bizarre and out of place.) It's a lot and I'm probably missing stuff. My question is who this is for? New readers will just be confused. Morrison super fans are more likely to roll their eyes, judging by responses to last issue.

Overall this issue was pretty good. It progressed the plot, gave us time with the 3 characters who'd been ghosts, introduced new information and setup conflict with the town for next issue. I really wish the creative team would get their batting average a little higher in terms of solid issues. 33.3% is low enough in the abstract to make me drop the book - and this is one of the better ones. I know we can do better than this and it disappoints me how aggressively mid the X-books are right now.

I'm starting to recognise the formula they're working off, with information dribbling out at a snail's pace to the point that any issue becomes skippable then ending on a cliffhanger that's rarely paid off quickly. Uncanny has the same issue, which makes me think it's an editorial problem. Hell, solicits usually give more information than issues do. I'm not talking about tropes, I'm talking about the narrative tricks that allow them to publish issues that move at a glacial pace and use nostalgia to disguise the characters not being developed. One can hope :)

[utilitycaster]

Been burning through the third campaign of NADDPOD recently off of your recommendation and it's been incredible. Though it has made me think of what exactly makes its callbacks and references to the previous campaign work so well compared to C3. As you pointed out in your post about the podcast, they share more than a few similarities. I'd guess that the lighter tone overall helps quite a bit, though the Irondeep Saga and Hardwon's return to the adventuring life is genuinely very effective!

To me, most if not all of C3's returning characters and callbacks were self-aggrandizing and distracting. The initial return to Whitestone for Laudna especially.

I have not finished NADDPOD's C3 yet so maybe I'll be proven wrong, but I was just wondering if you had any insight on why it just, works better than its counterpart? Also, big fan of the blog! Your meta post have kept me sane during the various errands that Bells Hells half heartedly accomplish.

So I do want to note my issue with Whitestone and Laudna's resurrection isn't so much seeing Percy and Vex and Pike and Keyleth; it's much more that having that available so early cut off some notable opportunities in Marquet. Going to Jiana would have probably made the Delilah issue much more of a factor (since I doubt anyone she'd have known would have been a L20 cleric familiar with Delilah), would have done interesting things for Ashton's story, and would have kept the party on the continent and in the city, possibly spending more time with Eshteross and maybe even giving them an additional chance to encounter Otohan in person. In retrospect this could have fixed like five different things. I actually found that the previous character callbacks were one of the strongest elements and increasingly I also feel the original NPCs of C3, Otohan and Ozo aside, while few and far between, would have been great if Bells Hells like, cared about them and spent time with them.

I think the more important part is that Murph is not trying to wrap up an overarching plot across multiple campaigns; he's simply telling, well, the campaign after the campaign. He was pretty clear about that in the initial discussions for NADDPod C3 - it's heavily influenced by the decisions in the initial Bahumia campaign but like, the plot isn't to end the astral plane god-battles that set off; it's to save Bahumia from Mothership (and those two factions evolve to have other implications, but the core conflict is introduced early and remains as is). Now, I also think that having a smaller party that is generally absolutely fearless when it comes to decision-making is an important part and they deserve credit (just as, while I think Matt's errors were most significant for C3's issues, the cast's waffling and fear of picking the wrong choice is a factor - even a "wrong" choice would have been better in most cases), but a lot of it is that it's a pretty standard D&D style plot executed well. (This would be another really long post but I really do think D&D can handle a range of plots and genres, but it's still a limited range of plots and genres, and if you try to subvert it, as people increasingly try to do, it will not reward you for cleverness but rather backfire. I don't think C3 tries to subvert D&D nor do I think D&D is the problem here; also just to stave off dumb comments, Pathfinder has the same exact limitations and Daggerheart likely will have very similar ones - this is about a combat-skills-forward fantasy game with level progression in general of which D&D is the most prominent but by no means only example. However since I just answered about Neverafter, while that's not the question, I think Murph has a particularly good understanding of what D&D can do.)

I think it's a few things but I think one reason Murph has such a track record is first, he identifies pretty strongly as a comedy writer, though he's also obviously a performer; secondly, he is as far as I can tell cautious and surly and he came to TTRPGs as an adult; and thirdly, two major influences he has that others tend not to cite are gaming and wrestling, and I really think this is important.

I think as a writer, he tends to have a good sense of narrative and where things have to go. That doesn't mean there aren't unexpected turns, but I think he does a good job of planning for contingencies and having a confident hand in turning the story back. And again, I think having a 3-person party makes it easier to get back on the rails (or to build a new track very quickly) but I think he, to quote a truly stupid but not entirely wrong self-help quote, begins with the end in mind.

The cautiousness and surliness are in my opinion the secret to NADDPod. Look. Niceness is, well, nice, though Brennan has a great bit that I watched recently and have since forgotten the source of about how kindness and niceness are two separate concepts. I think Murph is really willing to tell his players "No" and I think it is always to his benefit. I think making your players explain what they want to do, or being willing to turn your player's riffing into something that might not be their intention (Sol and Albie and the whole reveal that the Academy made everyone feel like a hero while essentially churning out manufactured duos stands out to me) is important. I don't want to say every home game should have this because it shouldn't - if you are playing at home casually and just want to make your friends feel like the coolest people ever, you don't have to do this! But if you are an actual play show you should be telling a story, and to tell a good story you do have to kill a few darlings and make a few edits, and Murph is willing to do that and Matt is sometimes too generous for his own good to the detriment of story (and, imo, I think it's ultimately less rewarding for the players in the long run much of the time too!)

And thirdly, games and wrestling. Now I am obviously no expert in games, but from a complete beginner's perspective, something that keeps striking me is how many people become affronted when the side quests (or, more accurately, ignoring the side quests) impact the main quest in significant ways, even though it's simply good writing to have side quests that enhance your understanding of the main quest and make you stronger or better able to approach it because of your experiences. This is in fact one of the biggest reasons why C3 is so weak, and one of the reasons why I think NADDPod is consistently strong. And then as for wrestling: I am even less of an expert here, but wrestling requires clear storytelling and especially clear motivations, (hard to be subtle in that medium) and story told primarily through combat that better have a great conclusion. It's also, notably, a remarkably unpretentious thing to be into, even though it's popular with a lot of nerds (Danielle Radford is the guest from last week; Ify's a wrestling fan as well). As a result, I think Murph isn't afraid to be blunt and unsubtle in service of actually making something good and entertaining and cohesive, instead of trying to say something deep and failing. Because nothing crashes to the ground and burns than trying to say something deep and failing. I mean I love pretentiousness, but I know when to drop it, and I think NADDPod on the whole does too.

[aeroblossom]

midori occupies every crevice in my brain. so here is some aimless and scattered rambling. it is absolutely not organized, and this is a continuation of my last post. please don't come for me

when alice 'killed' him, he didn't bleed. later in the secret repair room, you find a repaired head that reported a broken left eye, which matches what happened to the midori that alice pushed into the fence. the original midori was gone before he even began to recruit the cast. the only surviving bit of his human body we know of were attached to mai, but even mai ends up drilled or otherwise dies after the last trial.

more than half of him is doll, and the only evidence of his humanity has been destroyed. midori creates and destroys dolls of himself and the others as easy as breathing, abuses and torments people and watches them contort mentally and physically with great interest. he despises his entertainment coming to an end. he's aloof most of the time, unless he's bullying the cast and enjoying himself, or angry, disturbed somehow.

i have half a guess that the midoris that recruited the cast are not the same, but rather several different dolls of himself. this way, not only would he have discarded his physical humanity, but also minimized any consequences of him dying. on the one hand, he has trivialized the life of others as well as others, boldly inviting everyone to try and kill him. on the other, he is human yet at heart, fearing death like any other. trivialized is the less than half of him that is still human, like a majority vote, as he is. the game is a great criticism of democracy - the majority decide for everyone. a collective mass with no space for anyone's individual choice, with the few protesting voices silenced. they are trivialized.

an empty human, soulless. a doll. an aloof, empty husk that finds enjoyment only in controlling and torturing. perhaps he feels alive. perhaps he feels the fear of death and remembers his vulnerability, but from a safe distance, able to detach himself from it.

him having multiple replacements for himself would also mean he is, in a way, immortal. i assume every midori has the same personality, at least. that would be shedding the final layer of being human: mortality.

but one thing remains - shin tsukimi, living with midori's real name and a living caricature of who sou hiyori was. midori is a bit obsessed with him and who he was before he stole midori's name and adopted his general demeanor - the ai shin is a timid, but kind and sweet presence, like shin before the game. midori remarks that he regrets not being able to be the one who kills him. as infatuated as he is with the kindly ai shin, his love of control is first, and when pushed far enough, he 'kills' the ai shin too.

but why this, seemingly, immense need to lose one's humanity? something to do with what he was as a normal human at the beginning of everything? does being human impede him somehow? though regardless of how much he runs from it, he ends up with the very human fear of death all the same, a lack of control over his destiny, a lack of control in general. he loses all composure once he's seen through. the dolls establish that they have a right to make their own choices, and thus that makes them human - breaking shackles, freeing themselves of their circumstances, of control. this was midori's trump card over them - the ultimate trap, death. he puppeteered them by abusing their human psyches and weaknesses and hanging it over their necks like a guillotine, until the same guillotine chopped off his own head in the end.

having seen kai's episode, i wonder what kind of effect his mother had on him. i'll call her mrs hiyori. in her first interaction with gashu, she seems the picture of a great mother, giving him the right advice for kai and sei. gashu takes it to heart, and the results are extremely positive as well. but once the objective is complete, her attitude flips on its head. she suffocates gashu with his circumstances. she forces him to choose one, not the other. she changes as she sees fit, displaying that same suave manipulation midori is famous for. i don't think i covered nearly everything i wanted to say, but this will do for now

[bluecladone]

Beat Veilguard last night, here’s some of my thoughts (SPOILERS BELOW):

First, some positives: Holy shit this game is a visual gem. The art direction and set pieces really blew me away in some places. That mountain with the titan corpse? Treviso? The lyrium chamber with the Oracle? I can’t wait for the art book lol. Also the animations and hair physics are *chef’s kiss*. I was really worried about the animations as Bioware has repeatedly gone on record saying how difficult the Frostbite engine is to work with (and I’m still a bit scarred from Mass Effect Andromeda lol) but they seem to have finally mastered it here. I was surprised at how expressive Rook was and loved how nuanced the dialogue choices were. Somehow, no matter which dialogue option I chose, I felt that the delivery was exactly what I wanted or better. There were times where I wanted Rook to be angrier or meaner though lol. Also, the worlds weren’t nearly as linear as I feared they might be. I thought it was a good balance between open-world and linear level design.

Now for some things that irked me:

There were a lot of bad line reads, especially at the beginning. Bellara springs to mind, though when she wasn’t trying to sound quirky she actually sounded alright lol. Looking up her actress, it doesn’t look like she’s done a lot of voice work, so it could just be rookie mistakes. Then again, Ali Hillis—Harding’s actress (and Liara T’soni and Aloy)—also had some clunky line reads. My guess is that they probably weren’t directed very well. Considering most of the clunky dialogue is in the beginning of the game, it’s not too egregious. I think they both found their footing with their characters as they went along. There were also some things that were worded or represented weirdly but I don’t know if it was on purpose or not? The two instances I’m thinking of are when Bellara tells Rook about her brother, and when Caterina was killed. My problem is the refusal to really say “killed.” Bellara says something like “wherever [her brother] is” and the implication is that he’s dead, of course. But the dialogue choices were either offering condolences or asking intrusively what happened so I wasn’t given a hard confirmation of his supposed death until a later conversation. The same happens during Lucanis’s recruitment mission where, after returning to Crow headquarters, Illario tells us that Caterina was “taken” by Venatori. I automatically assumed she was kidnapped, (which turns out to be the case, but I digress) since we just sprung her grandson from mage jail. That is, until Lucanis later swears that her death will be avenged, and I was like “Oh. Well maybe I missed something, even though I don’t think I did?” For hours afterward I was really confused by the coded language used and wondered why no one would just say dead or killed lol. But then it turns out that both characters are alive after all, so maybe it was on purpose? I guess? It was a clunky set up, if so.

Which leads me to my next gripe: during the mission to help with Caterina’s funeral, Lucanis tries to ask Illario about the details of the murder, (where did it happen, how was she killed, etc.) and doesn’t get a straight answer. Then Illario is weird about picking up “Caterina’s” ashes, which not only immediately made it obvious that he was a traitor, but also baffles me that the Crows somehow fell for the body double ruse twice in a row?? Not a lot of discerning people in a faction where the correct body should be tantamount to their success, no? Then, when it is glaringly obvious to the cast that Illario is the traitor, they just...kind of sit on that info and do nothing about it?? No warning to Teia and Viago, or anything? Honestly, everything about the Crows bothered me a lot lol. I didn’t like that they were portrayed as this plucky, lily-white faction of underground freedom fighters when we know that’s not how they operate. Not saying that they can’t be a terrible organization and patriotic, but the game does nothing to portray them as the neutrally evil entity they’ve always come off as. According to Zevran, they buy children from brothels and if they fail training, they’re killed. If they survive, they’re tortured to build their resistance to pain. Not to mention how Caterina used to beat Lucanis with a cane to correct him as a child, yet they still act weirdly warm toward one another. I get family is complicated, but geez. Maybe the Crows of Treviso are a softer touch, but I doubt they’d last long if that were so. I just wish the writers had tried to make them more morally gray than what we’re shown. I honestly forgot they were supposed to be scary assassins most of the time lol.

Some other little things before I move on to the big ones (besides the Crows lol):

While I loved Taash and loved getting to help them discover themselves, I was a little sucked out of the narrative by the ham-fisted lesson on gender identity lol. I get that they probably wanted to give a rundown for people who aren’t familiar with the topic, but I don’t think anyone who’s made it this far in the series isn’t at least somewhat familiar with the concept or are trans/non-binary/genderfluid. The Dragon Age fandom is very colorful that way lol. I could tell it came from a good place, at least. It was just funny to see the characters all but face the camera and say, “Hey kids, here’s a primer on gender identities for the uninitiated.” I didn’t really understand why Shathann was so hung up about Taash’s identity when Iron Bull flat-out tells us in Inquisition that the Qun has words and beliefs for people who identify that way and that they’re pretty chill about it. Not to say that EVERYONE in the Qun is likely to be chill about it, but still. Shathann even gives the same explanation before being interrupted, so it had me scratching my head a bit.

Then there was Bellara’s little “follow your heart” speech which made me roll my eyes a bit. Just a bit too corny and stereotypical for me personally. There are plenty of anecdotes about staying true to oneself without having to explicitly rely on the words “follow your heart.”

I got locked out of Lucanis’s romance without realizing until it was way too late lol. I don’t expect the game to be like “WARNING: CHOOSING MINRATHOUS OVER TREVISO MEANS YOU CAN’T FUCK THE HOT ITALIAN” but I feel like locking the romance entirely is kinda mean, especially after I looked it up and saw you could still romance Neve if you choose Treviso instead. As far as I know, Lucanis is the only romance option that gets locked because of a choice you made. I didn’t realize why I wasn’t getting flirt options until several hours later when I looked it up, after completing a shit ton of sidequests lol. Didn’t help that Lucanis is absent from the team for a good chunk of time afterward, and I’m a stickler for getting as many sidequests done as I can before moving on with story missions. I knew I could flirt with any of the other companions but it felt a bit late in the game to start at that point, and I was worried it might effect the pacing of the romance, so I just went without. Romance is kind of a big part of the appeal of these games to me, but it’s not everything. I thought about reloading an old (very old, by that point) save, but I didn’t want to deal with the frustration. Besides, I thought, if the game still holds up despite missing out on this one thing I was kind of looking forward to, then that speaks to its merits. I still had a good time overall, and am already starting a second campaign to explore some other choices and finally make that manlet mine lol. Still, it is quite annoying when choosing to save Minrathous is clearly the right call in my opinion. The game itself doesn’t make much ado about the consequences of leaving Treviso to fend for itself besides the civilian casualties. But it definitely makes leaving Minrathous sound more alarming. (You’ll basically be handing over the most powerful city in the North over to the Venatori and Evanuris. Treviso doesn’t have a giant floating castle with magic weapons that can pick a single target out of a crowd of people lol. Also the game acts like there wouldn’t also be a high civilian toll for some reason.)

While I feel that reading the tie-in books and comics isn’t required to get an understanding of certain characters and whatnot, I feel like it adds important context and makes you actually somewhat care for the fate of a lot of the characters in the game. It’s frustrating to track all that stuff down and read it, though most of it is covered in Tevinter Nights, however I might feel about some of the writing in that one lol. I suppose it could be argued that none of the Dragon Age games have ever been guaranteed sequels since its inception, so this was the next best thing to offer closure and/or extra worldbuilding just in case. In fact, the ending to Veilguard kinda feels like they’re trying to keep it open for a sequel since there are some minor loose threads, (And an end screen that basically says the Veilguard stands prepared lol) but who knows if we’ll see one. EA has never seen Dragon Age as a priority IP, since it’s an RPG and those can be hard to make into bestsellers. They’d rather focus on something more like Mass Effect— a traditional third-person shooter with some RPG elements—which we’re almost certainly getting another of. Hopefully. If there ever is another Dragon Age, I really struggle to imagine what in the world it would even be about.

Another gripe is the fact that Morrigan is not at all as prominent in the game as we maybe expected. (At least, I did lol) It’s not that big of a deal to me, but it does make me wonder why they even put her in the game. I guess to give the player an explanation about Mythal and her relationship to Solas, and to give over the aspect thingy if you do all the sidequests in the Crossroads. It didn’t really warrant Morrigan’s presence, though. Then again, I’m sure the fans would have rioted if she hadn’t been there. I guess I wish they would have utilized her more, and better lol.

The same can be said of the Inquisitor, but at least they had the excuse of keeping the South together while Rook did their thing. (Which would be a great idea for a dlc/expansion; playing as the Inquisitor and maybe seeing more about the choices made in the last game since we didn’t get to see many in Rook’s journey.) Though I do have a big problem with an Inquisitor who still wants to redeem Solas after everything he did, which I’ll get into more detail later. An Inquisitor who romanced him and still wants to get back together with him is doubly icky, but once again, I’ll come back to it lol.

Now the big things:

Varric. Oh, my poor, poor Varric. I made a post a while back about how I thought I might not enjoy the game as much if it turned out he died right at the beginning, and well...I was half right. His death was a twist I really didn’t see coming, and I’m honestly not sure how to feel about it right now. I admire the bait and switch for how clever it is, but am a bit frosty about how cruel it is, too. It feels a bit dumb to say for a fictional person, but I truly think I’m in mourning for Varric. I remember how I lamented in my old post about how it would have been so unsatisfying for him to die among strangers who barely knew him, away from the people that loved him best. This was softened somewhat by his relationship with Rook. Clearly, Rook cared about Varric a lot as a mentor, and possibly even as a father figure. (It helped that I headcanoned my Rook as someone who was separated from her parents at a young age and therefore craved that connection.) It’s still upsetting that I was half right with my prediction, and my heart breaks when I think about the Kirkwall gang not being there when he died, especially Hawke. Once again, I’m unsure of how I’m feeling about all this. I’m upset, but also aware that he couldn’t last forever, despite my wishes lol. Would it have been better to hear about him dying offscreen in a supposed sequel or tie-in book/comic? I’m upset Solas killed him, but I can’t decide if it’s out of character for him to have done so. I was surprised he stabbed Varric when it happened, but it’s not like he didn’t give Varric a warning when he broke Bianca. And he did kill Mythal, who he was closer to than anyone, despite how complicated their relationship got. I still need to reflect on all of it, and maybe my opinion will change when I have a clearer head. What I took the most exception to was the Inquisitor’s reaction to it as one who both romanced Solas and wanted to redeem him. Looking back on how you get to choose whether she gets back together with Solas or not leaves a bad taste in my mouth. At this point, the Inquisitor is obviously aware Varric is dead and that it’s Solas’s fault. I feel like even the most besotted, kindhearted Inquisitors would have trouble reconciling that, regardless of how close they might or might not have been to Varric. He was part of the inner circle, integral to stopping Corypheus. I feel like that should warrant some kind of reconsideration on her part. I’d be fine if she still wanted to redeem Solas, but pursuing a romantic relationship with him despite everything he’s done not only to Varric, but the world...it’s just gross to me. Maybe the Inquisitor sees Rook’s encouragement to get back together as some kind of forgiveness towards Solas on Rook’s part? I don’t know...it takes quite a bit of mental gymnastics on my part lol. But maybe others feel differently. I’d love to hear someone else’s opinion on the matter. As it is, the kiss before Solas and the Inquisitor disappear was soured for me. I might go back and try some of the other ending choices to see how I like those, but for now I’m focusing on another playthrough with an Inquisitor who did not romance Solas and swore to stop him. We’ll see which I like better lol.

Another big issue is, while I totally expected Solas to betray Rook at some point, the way it was handled was not very good in my opinion. Why, of all times, would Solas turn on us after killing Ghilan’nain? I know it’s likely a pride thing, or possibly he’s lost faith in Rook’s efficiency after they get one of their people killed. (Or more, depending on your choices for the assault, but I looked up the optimal choices after getting Harding killed so I didn’t traumatize myself further lol. Sorry Davrin and Assan :’(.) In fact, I was so confused by Solas’s timing that I thought it was actually Elgar’nan fucking with Rook’s head as revenge lol. Anyway, deaths in the line of duty didn’t seem to phase Solas in the past, though we do see that memory in one of his regrets. It just seemed hasty for him to immediately banish Rook to the Fade prison when they’re the one who’s done all the heavy lifting so far. And somehow, Solas seems surprised shit doesn’t work out like he planned later, but once again, I guess that’s his pride at work. This is also a complicated one for me that I think I need more time to puzzle out. I just have a hard time reconciling how someone so smart could be so dumb. Even when he was at his most powerful, he still had help from Felassan and other rebels. And yes, while Solas does take charge of Rook’s faction after trapping them, I highly doubt they compare to ancient elves with powerful magic and spirits. Credit where it’s due though, I was concerned when Solas had that line in the beginning about “abhorring blood magic” when he says the opposite in Inquisition. I can see now that it was clearly a lie meant to put Rook more at ease. Or at least, that’s how I saw it.

Overall, I did enjoy the game, despite my many problems with it. That being said, I think the mass layoffs at Bioware really made the game suffer in the writing side of things. Hopefully the new staff finds their footing after this, and I wish them the best of luck.

R.I.P. Varric Tethras, a self-admitted liar who could be honest to a fault, whose charm captured me from the moment I met him. He’s the charismatic character all writers strive to create.

[apple-pecan]

Kingdom Hearts (2002)

for as long as the internet has been around, people have been bitching about video games. it's hard to imagine now, but back when kingdom hearts was first announced, people were both confused and outraged. it's admittedly a bizarre premise: it's a final fantasy action rpg, but with... disney characters. is this some sort of out of season april fool's joke? kingdom hearts, very much like wind waker, became the laughingstock of the internet... until the day it came out and promptly shut everyone up.

KH's infamously batshit overarching plot is actually not too bad in this game; sora and his best friends riku and kairi want nothing more than to see other worlds outside their tiny little island. be careful what you wish for though cuz evil shadowy creatures called heartless might invade your island and fucking BLOW IT UP!!!! at least sora has a cool looking key sword thing now. after the fall of destiny islands, sora is stranded in traverse town. he vows to find riku and kairi and try to find a way to restore his home. also donald and goofy are there too and the three team up, with them now ALSO looking for disney castle's king (guess who). along the way, riku shows that he has never seen a disney movie and manages to get duped by the villain of sleeping beauty, and now he's basically the edgy rival character. and there's this guy named ansem going around doing stuff. uh oh. so yeah, still a bit convoluted, but it's refreshingly straightforward compared to literally any of it's sequels.

the combat? i like it a lot, actually. as mentioned before it's an action rpg where you play as sora, swing your giant key around to battle the heartless, and use magic. it would get boring and repetitive after awhile, but there's like a bajillion abilities you can learn, either new actions or passives, which keep things fresh the whole way through. stuff like parrying attacks and being invulnerable when you cast healing spells, and many, many others. there's even cryptic choices you make at the beginning of the game where you can prioritize strength, defense, or magic, (changing your starting stats and the rewards for leveling up) and then choose one of the other two to give up. dont be like 9 year old me and take the sword and give up the shield. just. dont. it's no dark souls when it comes to having hundreds of builds, but it does reward repeat playthroughs with all the options you can give yourself.

the combat is good fun, but the level design and platforming needed some work, and this is where the game aged the worst. some levels like the tarzan one are really confusing if you're first playing the game, and whenever sora has to make a series of jumps, i fear for my life. i guess you could say they're more open and ripe for exploration than in kh2, which are usually pretty linear areas that are hard to get lost in. of note in the hall of shame is the little mermaid level, which is a water level, and all the baggage that comes with it. not only that but all the areas look the fucking same, it's not clear how to progress, and there's a grating MIDI of under the sea playing almost the entire fucking time. MAKE IT STOP!!!!! MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! other than that though the stages are pretty fun, i like the nightmare before christmas level and hollow bastion the most.

the music, done by yoko shimomura of street fighter 2 and super mario rpg fame, is quite good. the title track "dearly beloved" is a short but somber and effective piano piece that's there to let you know that this isn't your grandma's disney interactive game. and if that doesn't cue you in that something's up, "destati", the loud, omnious choir music that plays in the tutorial area, totally wont terrify you if you were an 8 year old disney lover who just wanted to have a fun happy time with mickey mouse. not that I was that kid or anything... "kairi" is a gorgeous little song that keeps being remixed over the course of the game, sounding more emotional each time. and the boss themes are epic as fuck, namely "forze del male" which will play as you get your pathetic ass handed to you by riku ninety times in a row gOD DAMMIT RIKU STOP FUCKING USING THAT DBZ TELEPORTING SLASH MOVE.

they can't all be winners though; "traverse town" is iconic at this point, sure, but at the end of the day it's still a 30 second loop you have to hear over and over AND OVER AGAIN. and there's the aforementioned "under the sea" midi. at least traverse town's battle theme "hand in hand" goes fucking hard tho. and of course, there's non-binary icon hikaru utada's "simple and clean". enough said. really. actually no WHEN YOU WALK AAAAAWAY YOU DONT HEAR MEEEEEE SAY PLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGOD FUCKING DAMMIT NOW IT'S GONNA BE IN MY HEAD FOR THE NEXT EIGHT HOURS.

this review has gone on way too long so ill just wrap it up by saying kingdom hearts is one of the best action RPGS on the PS2 (and in general, really) and is an inspirational tale of how despite a premise for something being a hard sell, sometimes if you let them cook, they can come up with something truly magical. unless your game takes 8 years to make, but is named after an obscure tiny toons character, is a hero shooter 5 years after everyone collectively got sick of them, and gets shut down after a week after twelve people buy it. hahaaaaa, topical!

9/10

NOTE: the superboss kurt zisa is named after a guy who won a contest before the US version of the game came out. i thought it was just some name they came up with willy nilly but no, there's an actual guy in this country named kurt zisa. imagine if i won that contest instead! ooooooh watch out for the ultra scary and powerful secret boss... apple pecan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! squeak :3

[viaviv124]

For the like 3 people out there who know the song "Alice Human Sacrifice" and are also familiar with Mario the Music Box, i made a casting for who's which Alice and will give my reasonings because i'm obsessed.

Alice nr. 1 - Alice Aduraice

It's the most on-the-nose one for me because the story is literally almost exactly like in the game. The first Alice was murdering everyone in her way so the forest decided to lock her up to make sure everyone forgets she ever existed. Alice has literally the same Story. She murdered everyone in her house only to be killed by Riba and trapped in the music box by Anna, who hoped no one would ever find and free Alice.

Alice nr. 2 - Riba Aduraice

He doesn't fit as perfectly but he's also the only choice i have for this role, he does still fit great though. The second Alice was just a guy who sang songs to the people, except they got progressively more insane and then either he was shot or he shot himself, the translations differ, and the people absolutely loved him and his death. Riba, both in the past and present time, starts out as a normal guy but he also progressively shows more of his insanity, dying in pretty much almost every ending too.

Alice nr. 3 - Len & Layla

This was arguably the hardest for me to figure out because this also fits Alice and i couldn't think of another fit. Then i thought of these two and they just share nr 3 now. The third Alice was a beauty through and through, manipulating and deciving (and seducing according to some translations) her way to be the queen of wonderland, creating her own country. She kept having strange dreams and began to fear her life to a psychotic degree, causing her to crave immortality (or just gain it, again, wonky translations) and be forced to rule for eternity. Now, Len and Layla definetly don't go that deep. Len is simply "in charge" of the curse in Evangeline, making sure everything happens over and over again in a timeloop (unless you don't save), as well as being the one to give Marchionne the power to be reborn, baiscally making her the "queen". Layla, at least in the first game, speaks to Riba constantly, both guiding and mocking him. She also functions as a sort of backseat for when you go to certain area's you're not supposed to because you might be stuck. Can be seen sweettalking so i guess you can take und that as 'deciving'? I don't know, just squint your eyes, i'm working with scraps here.

Alice nr. 4 - Mario & Luigi

Originally i wanted to put Marchionne and Luciano here also but listening again it's definetly only Mario and Luigi. The 4th Alice is a pair of twins exploring wonderland together, just having fun. However, as they're nearing the first Alice (there's other translations for this part too but this one is specifically the one i connect to them rn) they die because the brother killed the sister (at least in the music video, i am still not quite sure what happens), trapping them in Wonderland forever. This one is also simple and easy to link. Mario and Luigi come to the mansion, Mario picks up the music box, gets possessed by Alice and kills Luigi, effectively trapping them both forever in the mansion and by extension in Evangeline.

[terresdebrumestories]

I really loved your coming out fic but I was just curious if you meant the Europa League (the 2nd flight of Europe, as opposed to the top flight Champions League) or the CL when you said Europe League? Or did you mean the Euros with England? Do you imagine Jamie having played for Richmond his whole career, or moving on to other top flight teams to pursue more trophies? I would love to know what his life has looked like during that time, as well as the image of Phoebe at what must be about 18!

Also, interestingly - the UK doesn't actually enter a football team in the Olympic Games. This is not meant as a critique, but it's a fascinating factor of English football that I'm not sure many people who watch the show are aware of. The UK does the Olympics, for all sports, as Team GB, so England, Wales, Scotland and NI, but FIFA treats those countries as individuals. British football has resisted the Olympics because there's big fears that if they concede to being Team GB at football in the Olympics, it'll open the door to FIFA revoking individual country status for England, Wales and so on in other competitions. When London hosted in 2012, there WAS a Team GB at football, basically because they had to represent the national sport, but it wasn't made up of major professional players, there were like three veteran players and mostly youth players. It isn't something that pro footballers are involved in, especially because it falls the same year as the Euros. Roy, in 2012, for example, wouldn't have been in the Olympics, he would have been focused on winning the Champions League with Chelsea and then playing in the Euros with England. It's just a weird thing about English football, the Olympics is not an important part of it the way it is for other sports.

Hi, and thanks for the question!

(Also thanks for bringing football knowledge my way, it will be useful as I give said coming out fic a proper round of edits xD)

So, I know barely more than nothing around football, and my sport ancestry is a family full of basketball players, where competitions go from France Championship to Europe to World Championship, as far as I can tell (they're not pro players, though two of my cousins are angling for that) and so I figured it might be similar in football... turns out, nah xD

(Also I researched this fic for a grand total of ten minutes and five of those were spent on Mancunian grammar and accent, so. There's that :P)

All this to say, thanks again: I'll be modifying some stuff in the cleaned up fic x) Now, for the rest of your questions:

While I see why people like the idea of Jamie staying with Richmond his whole career, I can't say that's something I can really picture happening.

First of all, Jamie is competitive (as all high-level athletes are) and good enough to play with/against the biggest team, which AFC Richmond is not. It's presented as a medium club for the Premier League, and this is not something that easily changes in a perennial way, I think (both because they don't have the same resources as clubs like Manchester City (or United) to help maximise their players' potential, and because the funnel effect of bigger clubs will draw a lot of aces away.)

Second, this is a job, and Jamie has been shown to be a hard worker and fairly ambitious. Eventually, as he grows better, I think what Richmond asks of him will cease to be engaging enough for his taste, especially as the team changes with our current cast retiring or going to other clubs (Sam for example seems the type who would be happy to continue progressing as well, though of course that's probably true of all the teammates)

As to where Jamie goes...I don't think I know enough about Football to make an educated guess x) I don't think he would go back to City, if only because of the bad associations that already drove him away. I think by the time he makes peace with that, he'll probably have found another club to settle in. I do like the idea of him playing with the PSG or the Olympique de Marseille, purely because I like the idea of him spending time in my country and learning my language :P

(Also, Marseille would mean he wouldn't have to be freezing all the fucking time xD)

Poetically, I could see him ending in either Chelsea (closing the circle in his paralleling of Roy) or Manchester United (if you assume he's attached to his birth city enough to want to go back there, if not with the club he thought he would.)

Ultimately, I do think in a universe where he's in a stable relationship with Roy and Roy keeps training Richmond, Jamie would want to stay close by and probably not venture beyond Spain/Northern Italy so he could stay close to his loved one, but England is the endgame I see him work towards the most. I can still give him a stint in France so I can have him insult Richard and Van Damme in their birth language from time to time.

I do think he eventually grows close to Roy's sister (whom I named Ruth because I like the headcanon of the Kents as a Jewish family to mimic Brett Goldstein) and becomes a beloved surrogate uncle for Phoebe. My headcanon is that she remains a passionate football fan and player her whole life, and maybe even briefly entertains a professional career in the US (mostly because afaik women's football isn't as well paid in Europe, could be wrong), but ultimately decides she values the sport for its connection with beloved family rather than for itself, and remains at the amateur level.

I do think she's driven enough to actually end up a wildlife veterinarian, or her artistic aptitude (she draws those boobs real good y'all) take her in a bit of a different direction. Either way, I like to headcanon her as queer in some way, also because of the fascination with breasts, though in real life this isn't necessarily indicative of anything xD

Roy stays in Richmond, I think, unless Chelsea calls and begs him to get there. Mostly because my headcanon is that he picked Richmond as a retirement club because it's close to Chelsea and his family, and I don't think he'd want to move too far away again, especially if Ruth doesn't remarry.

This is about the extent of my thoughts on the subject tbh, although I never say never to writing more in any given universe so, who knows... we'll see if inspiration strikes xD

[hinasho]

guide book tidbits

Just some info from the Guidebook I found interesting!

HISTORY & CUSTOMS

It’s implied the language of mermaids has changed over time (as our language does). Because long ago, when humans and merpeople co-existed peacefully, they’d trade resources and “learn to speak in the others’ tongue”. (pg. 19)

Off the coast of “Nevezuela”, there are cave markings of the old relationship between merpeople and humans. There is also this old recitation. It’s a bit wordy, but the last two paragraphs are as reads:

“Guided by ancient fears, [two rulers] kept their realms divided, bordered by the same churning surf, yet worlds apart... Until a storm cast their children ashore together, mermaid and man, side by side... and love turned the tide” (pg. 20)

Sounds like a prophecy to me!

Merpeople’s customs seem to be a blend of nature + ancestral worship. They have celebrations based on moon and sun types, as each one is said to have a magical effect on merpeople. The Coral Moon brings good fortune to merfolk, so merpeople gather in groups to celebrate it in the Carinae Sea. (pg. 60) Each Sister is responsible for hosting one moon and one sun celebration. And all merpeople travel to their respective seas during these celebrations.

Merpeople have a lot of celebratory events and holidays. They celebrate birthdays and weddings, and other new customs, like the moon and sun cycles mentioned previously, but also others like a “Meal of Gratitude” where they enjoy a “feast of seagrass”. (pg. 74 + 75)

Merfolk and humans have mixed legends and myths. By this I mean, sometimes merfolk will tell folk tales that are about other merpeople, humans, or both being involved. Humans do the same, and Lashanah used to tell Eric quite a few merfolk stories when he was a child. (pgs. 174 - 188)  

ANATOMY & DAILY LIFE

Merpeople vary from “more fishy” to “more human-like” in appearance. They can look a clear cut 50% human and 50% fish (ex: the Sisters), meanwhile there are merpeople that have a higher percentage of fishy features, including fins for ears, for hair, distinct gills on their necks, etc. However the reverse, merfolk with a higher percentage of human features, are not depicted. So no, nothing like this 💀 (src: several illustrations throughout the book)

Merfolk babies are referred to as “hatchlings” by the human researcher who “wrote” the guide. I guess this is supposed to signify they come from eggs and not live births. (pg. 29)

There are two types of merpeople: regular mermaids and “singing mermaids” aka sirens. (pg. 26) Eric alternates throughout the book of being wary of Sirens vs defending them. He never takes issue with regular merpeople though.

On that same note, there seems to be a bit of a prejudice from humans’ POV. Sirens are the main ones humans are wary of and fear, while they view mermaids as ambiguous/neutral (pg. 102)

Sirens have different song types. Ranging from offensive (ex: causing a shipwreck), to defensive (ex: shark summoning), to passive (ex: creating a calm sleep), to helpful (ex: granting luck). And more. (pgs. 36 - 39)

Every merperson has a companion/familiar. Size does not matter and it can range from a small fish to a massive whale. It just depends on which type of sea creatures are commonly found in that merperson’s waters. These companions assist in the life’s journey of the merperson. (pgs. 40 & 54-57) Eric says if he were given the choice, he’d pick either an otter or a whale to be his companion.

Most merpeople live in the Twilight Layer of the ocean. (pg. 43)

It seems all merpeople can sing, but only the songs of sirens have actual abilities. I could very well be wrong, this is just my interpretation of the book. It says for merfolk, “finding one’s singing voice is a rite of passage, denoting a coming of age” (pg. 66) and I struggle to see how singing can be this important if only a chunk of the population partake in it.

Anywho, merfolk do need to practice their singing, and they have the ability to “trap musical notes” in bubbles to review later or create their own symphony. Only experienced vocalists can do this though. (pg. 67)

Merfolk diet consists mostly of shellfish and aquatic vegetation. It appears they don’t eat crab, lobsters, squids, or octopus though and see them as companionable. It’s not explained why they don’t give a fuck about shrimp, because despite those exceptions, they do eat shrimp. (pg. 75)

They have sports and athletic games. Their version of “chicken” is diving into pitch black trenches and the first to quit loses. Another is where they see if they can hitch a ride on an unknowing giant squid. (pg. 76)

The merpeople in Perla’s waters ride elephant seals for sport. With a harness, reins, saddle, the whole shebang. (pg. 150 - 151)

SEA CREATURES & ITEMS

The ring Queen Serina passes down to Eric for his betrothed looks strangely like a “Sapphire Mermaid Ring” that’s described as a pale blue and symbolizes repairing rifts and brokering peace between humans and merfolk. There’s a legend that some humans can look into mermaid sapphires and see into mermaid life underwater. (pg. 11) I have no idea how to take this information, but it’s possible Serina also had no idea what’s been in her family for generations.

There’s a bioluminescent sea dragon that has “glowing, veined wings” that resides in the Abyss layer of the ocean. (pg. 51) I don’t know if this is referencing another disney movie, but there’s an illustration and it’s... straight up a dragon. I might post a picture because it looks cool af. (Note: I don’t believe it’s depicting Sisu’s kind as it has two horns and wings)

Water Nokks (the water horse in Frozen 2) exist in this universe! They’re said to mostly reside in the Saithe Sea/Dark Sea that Princess Karina reigns over. (pg. 123) Does that mean Frozen and TLM2023 exist in the same universe? Who knows!

THE ROYAL FAMILY

Merfolk rulers are trained in combat. (pg. 79)

The royal advisor is usually a “small” sea creature. Sebastian is the current one, but its believed an octopus and/or a seahorse were his predecessors somewhere down the line. (pg. 97)

Tragedy of the Mermaid Queen (pgs. 98 - 99)

Mala used to communicate with humans using Great Crested Terns as a courier service before humans and merpeople were divided. She knows how to write and use to write messages on “scrolls of seaweed”. (pg. 104)

Tamika once wrestled a tiger shark into submission (pg. 112)

In Karina’s waters, her Palace City is underneath a massive iceberg. From our POV, it essentially hangs upside down. (pg. 124)

There’s a legend that Indira once saved her subjects from a “rampaging giant venomous sea snake”. (pg. 128)

Caspia created a river to provide merfolk with easier traveling routes to other kingdoms. Which is ironic as it’s said she’s a homebody and only travels for “all-sea gatherings”. (pg. 136)

Each Sister and their people have their own customs. For example, the way their people greet each other, what they consider rude or pleasant, what they eat, etc. (pgs. 111, 119, 126, 135, 142, 151, 158)

Ariel is already the ruler of her sea (the “Carinae Sea”). This caught my attention because I thought she was just in training for it during the movie, but no, she’s the ruler of that sea. (pg. 152)

The other Sisters all have their own palaces in their oceans. Since Triton’s Great Palace already had its home in Ariel’s sea, she just lives in one of its towers. (pg. 156) 

URSULA

It’s believed that Ursula, as a half human half octopus, is either an extremely rare species or is the only one of her kind. (pg. 163)

There is a 3-part system to most if not all of Ursula’s spells/deals: The Want, the Take, and the Rule to Break. (pg. 170) So for example, for her “Transformation Spell” The Want = wanting to be human, the Take = the merperson’s voice, the Rule to Break = true love’s kiss. Ursula was not exaggerating in the movie when she said Ariel was “almost too easy” as she fit the 3 categories perfectly.

Ursula uses latin for her spells (pg. 171)

NOTABLE LEGENDS / TALES

“Legend of the Dagger Shell” - basically an enemies to lovers about a “hard-bitten and unfeeling” merman and a rude as fuck fisherman. The two fall in love right as the merman is about to kill the fisherman. (pg. 182)

“The Flute of the Deep” - a mix of the Spongebob Jellyfish Jam episode and the Legend of the Pied Piper. Basically there’s believed to be an entire village who’s children went missing after they wronged a mermaid. (pg. 183)

“The Tale of the Great Briny Storm” - a merman in this tale can supposedly hear a human’s thoughts??? It’s not clarified whether all merpeople are telepathic, or if they’re only telepathic towards humans, or if only this one guy has telepathy. But he can hear a human woman’s thoughts on land and they fall in love. (pg. 184)

I have a sneaking suspicion the guy might’ve been a young Triton, given that towards the end of the tale, when the merman and the human woman are forced apart, “the sea sent a great storm to lash shutter and shake cave” and from the Sea King’s chapter, it’s said only he has the ability to summon storms via his trident. I could be wrong though! Just a theory.

“The Tale of a Thousand and One Shipwrecks” - a lot of the boats in the shipwreck graveyard are Ursula’s doing. When two continents’ navies were at war over their waters, she had had enough of their nonsense. She stole her brother’s trident and sunk both factions. (pg. 185)

“The Tale of the Great Sea Flood” - this one was intense. One of the Seven Sisters was kidnapped by humans (I suspect Mala because of the other TLM novel). Triton got big mad, so 1) he caused a tsunami, then 2) the “water took his form” (???) and he lifted roofs and building walls to locate his daughter, and 3) grabbed handfuls of land and pulled them down to the sea as retribution. And this is one of the main reasons why the ocean “steals a bit of land from the shore year after year, as payment for the humans’ treachery”. (pg. 186)

If I’m right that the kidnapped mermaid is Mala, that also means the figurehead at the front of Eric’s ships are inspired by her, since upon seeing the illustration on the page, Eric says as such in his notes. (pg. 187)

QUESTIONABLE BITS

The Conch - there’s a page that explains that merpeople use conch shells to communicate. Eric takes note of this and even says the illustration present reminds him of the one in his collection. (pg. 69) I say this is questionable, because it makes his line in the movie about having no idea a conch shell could be used to make noise, a bit off.

In the illustration for Princess Mala’s ocean, her palace has stairs. (pg. 109) I don’t know why they’d need them though. Maybe just aesthetic?

Eric has already heard about Ariel! The book describes her in detail (illustration and name) and Eric says she reminds him of his mermaid figurine. (pg. 152) It begs to question how he wouldn’t recognize or suspect something was up in the movie. But I suppose it can be argued that seeing something in a book and then meeting the person in real life are two very different things.

And that’s it! This post is entirely self indulgent as I just wanted to share my thoughts on some of the info in the guidebook. If you’ve read all this, I’m glad you found it as interesting as I did!

[forgedroyalseal]

My Reputation’s Never Been Worse

Chapter 13

(I love this chapter so much and I really hope you do too)

An hour later, Alyss found herself walking down the narrow, shady path towards the lake alone. They had discussed what they should do over breakfast, and it was decided that only one of them should check on Will. They didn’t want him to constantly feel like he was being ganged up on. Cassandra had instantly volunteered, but Horace suggested that Alyss should go. She had seen him the least out of all of them, and Horace thought it would be good for them to talk one on one.

She clutched the mug of still steaming coffee in her hands and turned around the last bend before stepping into the clearing that slopped into the lake. Nyah sat under a tree, light flickering through the leafs, casting shadows on her face. Alyss approached quietly, unsure if her presence would be welcomed or not.

“Join me.” Nyah called to her without turning around. Her words were soft and inviting. Alyss sat besides her, setting the mug down carefully next to her. Will was in the water, steadily swimming back and forth across the lake. He moved as powerfully and as surely as a ship, cutting through the water as if it was what he was born to do. The girls watched him in silence for a while before Alyss broke it.

“I don’t remember him ever really swimming when we were growing up.” Alyss sighed. This was just one more thing that she didn’t know about Will.

“When we met, Will was in constant agony. His hip wound was still pretty new, and it was a complete mess. Every time he had to sit was a struggle, and forget about standing back up. An old sailor that was working on the same ship suggested Will try swimming to build up his strength and to give himself some time off of the injury. It really helped with the pain, but I think it help him mentally even more. The water has a calming effect on his mind, and it give him something physical to focus when he gets overwhelmed.”

“So you two didn’t met an Eisel?”

“No, we knew each other for a couple years before we ended up in Eisel. I was on the ship Will found work on.”

“I didn’t know that women worked on ships. What did you do?”

Nyah closed her eyes from a moment. When she opened them, Alyss such raw pain and regret that she wished she could take the question back.

“Women typically are kept off ships, old superstitions died hard, you know? But on this ship, well, I guess they felt I was worth the risk. My father sold me to captain the year before Will joined the crew.”

“You don’t have to-“ Alyss tried to say but Nyah just continued speaking.

“The captain would offer me as a reward, or as bait. Or he’d just use me himself. Will was the first man who had shown me kindness in years. He never once-“ She shook her head. “Even when offered, Will refused to do what the other men would. Even when it made the other men suspicious, he never touched me. He became my saving grace on that ship. I wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for him.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through that.” Alyss said, heart tight with sympathy for the woman next to her.

Nyah shrugged, “It was awful. But it could have been worse. There are so many women that it was much worse for. So many women who never found their Will.” Her eyes had remain locked on Will the entire time she had been telling her story and understanding dawned on Alyss.

“You love him, don’t you?”

Blushing, Nyah turned to Alyss. “I think everyone who meets Will falls at least a little bit in love with him. But yeah, I do. He doesn’t feel the same way though, so I’ve learned to be satisfied with just having him as a friend.”

“I wouldn’t be too sure about that. I mean, you seem to be the only person he let’s himself relax around. The only person he’s himself with.”

“We’ve been bonded by pain and fear. We care deeply for each other, but it’s nothing more. He’s madly in love with someone else. I don’t think he’ll ever be capable of falling for anyone else for as long as he lives.”

And without having to ask, Alyss knows. She sees it in the heavy look Nyah levels her with. It’s the same look that Horace gave her this morning. The same look everyone has given her every time Will was mentioned over the past five years.

It was her. Will loved her, had for a while it would seem. He loved her, and yet he still left. Will loved her, and yet he had barely spoken to her since he had returned. He loved her, and yet he had written to George while he was on the run. He loved her, and yet he never once said a word.

Will loved her.

And yet, that didn’t seem like it would be enough to keep him here.

“You finally figured it out, huh?” Nyah nudged her.

“He never said.”

Before Nyah could reply, Will was walking up to them, water dripping off of him. Drops clung to the ends of his hair, catching the sunlight and causing him to look as though he was crowned with diamonds. In this light, with the blood and grime washed away, he looked nearly ethereal. Alyss’ breath caught in her throat. She had known Will all her life, and sure, as a teenage girl who started feeling things for the first time, she had seen Will as cute. And after everything in Norgate, handsome even. But looking at this older, rough edged version of Will standing in front of her, and knowing his feelings towards her, she felt as though she was seeing him for the first time. Seeing him as a man. Not the teenage boy she knew. It hit her like a tidal wave.

Oh.

It was Will. It had always been Will. Somewhere deep inside her heart, she had always felt it, she just hadn’t known it. She had loved him long before she even knew what love was, or what it could be. The past five years with out him had been agony. She felt as if a part of her had died and rotted inside of her chest. And seeing him again, so different, so hurt, she was torn between being grateful for his return and terrified of what it meant for their future. Because she couldn’t lose him again, she couldn’t watch him leave. Not now that she could name the feelings that tied them together.

“Alyss?” His voice broke through her internal crisis. She fought down a blush when she realized she had just been silently staring up at him.

“This is for you.” The words rush out as she pushes the mug of coffee towards him. “It’s probably cooled down a bit, but that’s never stopped you before.”

“Oh, um, thank you. But I don’t drink coffee anymore.” Will shot Nyah a look that she obviously ignored.

“You’re joking right? You lived off of this stuff.”

“Yeah I just… Lost my taste for it I guess.”

Nyah rolled her eyes. “Will, you’ve known Alyss all your life, can you please just be honest with her. Can you be vulnerable with her for two seconds?” She stood and shoved Will down by his shoulders so he was sitting besides Alyss. “Tell her the deal with coffee at least. I’m going to see where Miles has wondered off to. We’ll meet you two back at the Castle.” She picked the mug out of Alyss’ hands and left them before Will could argue.

“You don’t have to tell me anything you aren’t comfortable with.” Alyss says gently.

Will sighed, “No, Nyah’s right. I should tell you. I mean, it’s you. If there’s one person I should be able to be honest with it’s you.” He glanced down at himself. “I didn’t expect to have this conversation half naked and soaking wet, but…” They both laugh and Alyss leans behind him to grab his discarded shirt then tosses it at his face.

“I think I’ve seen enough of your body today.” She says the words before she can stop them and feels her face burn right red the moment they come out. Will just grins and tugs the shirt on. It gets stuck over his head for a minute and when he finally wrestles it on, his wet hair is wild and starting to curl at the ends. She looks at him and the start to laugh all over again, falling into each others sides.

“So, coffee?” Alyss asks once they compose themselves. She watches Will’s face fall and half regrets bring it up, but the other half is desperate for insight into the past five years.

“Right.” Will looked up the the branches overhead as if trying to find the words spelled out among the leafs. “I was heading to the coast when Ranger Conway caught me in Greenfield. He put an arrow through my hip.” Will gestured the where the knot of scar tissue sat underneath his damp trousers. “He bound me and dragged me back to his cabin. I’m honestly not sure what his plan was, if he was even planning on bringing me to Castle Araluen or if he was just going to kill me himself. Either way, he wanted to have his fun with me first. He wanted to watch me suffer.”

“He kept me tied up for three days. I’m still not sure how I didn’t bleed out on the floor of the cabin, or how my wound didn’t become infected past the point of no return. For the most part, he left me alone during the day. But at night,” Will forced back a shutter, “Conway was a drunk, and a cruel one at that. One night, he was making coffee. I made a stupid comment, I don’t even remember what it was anymore, and it pissed him off. He took the kettle of coffee off the fire and doused me in it.” Will pulled the collar of his shirt down and pointed at the discolored scaring on his chest. “I’ll never be able to forget the smell, it’s seared into my brain. Coffee mixed with burning flesh. I can’t even get a whiff of coffee anymore without getting nauseous. Later that night after he had passed out, I dislocated my thumbs to slip out of the rope binds and ran like hell until I reach the sea.”

Alyss stared at him with wide, watery eyes. “I-I don’t- Will.” So much emotion spilled into his name that it came out as a sob. Will turned her into him so that she was half in his lap and wrapped his arms tightly around her.

“I’m ok Alyss. It was years ago. I’m ok.” He whispered.

“No, it’s not ok! Nothing about this is ok! You never should have gone through that, any of it.”

“But I did, and I came out on the other side.”

Alyss pulled back from him just enough to look him in the eye. “Did you? Because sometimes I look at you, and feel as though I’m looking at a stranger. But then other times, I still see the boy I knew. It’s as though you’ve been split in two Will, and I’m never sure who I’m seeing.“

Will sighed deeply, clearly trying to control his emotions before responding. Alyss knew that she was pushing more than she should. Knew that it wasn’t fair to have this conversation now, after he had finally opened up to her about what he had had gone through. But after learning about his feelings from Nyah, and the sudden realization of her own, she needed to get through to him, needed him to understand how worried she was.

“I am trying Alyss. I don’t know how to do this anymore. How to be who you all want me to be. I can’t just go back to the boy you all remember.”

“You don’t need to Will. None of us are expecting you to be unchanged by the last five years. But there are times where I see glimmers of yourself that you force down. That you cover over with anger and resentment. You don’t need to be all or nothing Will. You can just be you. All any of us want, is you.” She placed her hand on his cheek, thumb gliding over a scar by the corner of his mouth. “All I want, is you.”

His own hand slides over hers and he presses a kiss into her palm. “I’ll keep trying. I promise.”

“That’s all I ask.” Her voice was a whisper, not daring to speak any louder in fear that it would break whatever fragile connection that held them together in this moment of vulnerability.

“There is so much I should tell you.” His words were heavy with guilt and fear.

“And you will, when you’re ready.”

She felt him lean forward. Watched his eyes flicker down to her mouth. Felt him take a deep breath.

“Will! There you are, Crowley- Oh. Oh!” Gilan’s voice shattered the intimate moment like a rock going through glass.

Will pulled back from her and Alyss felt a surge of murderous rage towards Gilan.

“Hope I’m not interrupting. I can come back.” He says grinning as he sits down next to them, clearly have zero intentions of leaving them alone.

“What do you want Gil?” Will asked exasperatedly. Alyss slid off of Will’s lap as casually as she could, but felt Gilan’s shining eyes watching her with amusement.

“Crowley was looking for you. But I am more than happy to cover for you if you need to uh, finish whatever’s going on here.”

Will shot him a hard look, which if directed at anyone else would have made them back off immediately. But it was Gilan, who ignored Will’s gaze and continued smiling wolfishly at the pair.

“We were just talking.”

“Oh, is that what the kids are calling it these days?” Gilan teased.

“What does Crowley want?” Will asked, trying to move along.

“I don’t know.” Gilan shrugged. “He’s in his office waiting for you.”

“I should go. It might be about Eisel.” Will stood and stretched. He reached down and offered his hand to Alyss, who took it and pulled herself up. “Do you mind letting Miles and Nyah know where I am?” He asked her.

“Of course.”

Will smiled then turned to Gilan, “And not another word out of you.” Gilan put his hands up in surrender, grin still plastered on his face.

The three of them walked back to the Castle together and once Will broke off towards Crowley’s office, Gilan pulled Alyss aside to an empty sitting room.

“I don’t what you said, or did, but whatever it was, he seems different. Lighter.”

“I just- listened. Told him we didn’t need him to be anyone but himself. I’m not sure how much it will effect him, but I’m not giving up on him.”

“None of us are.” Gilan’s eyes gleamed and the sincerity of the moment evaporated. “Now, care to share what exactly I interrupted?”

“Nope, you’ll just have to use your imagination.” She pushed past him and he called out after her.

“Oh, believe me, I will!”

[starspanner]

I'm just gonna be a whiny bitch about The Acolyte for a bit but it isn't important at all.

Look, I appreciate the risk-taking and gleefully reminding the audience that so far away from the sagas, no one has plot armor, but I'm put out anyway. I really liked Jecki and Yord. I really did. And I would have liked to have learned what Kelnacca thought about all this, too. I know that it's the nature of the genre, and I don't hate it. I'm mostly just sad about it.

The thing that actually irks me though is that this exact thing is why I stopped reading the first High Republic book in the first place.

I really don't like the author's repeated attempts to push the drama and urgency of the situation onto the reader by introducing interesting characters and then killing them a few pages later. It works the first few times, but when it happens over and over and is still happening a third of the way though, it's completely predictable and annoyingly depressing. And if I wanted to read something annoyingly depressing I'd go back to Attack on Titan.

---from Darklore Circus, January 13, 2021

When I read or watch something, I am there. And while I'm there I meet someone and decide I like the cut of their jib and journey along with them, and we go together. And it's always jarring and disconcerting when that journey abruptly stops. It happened over and over and over in Light of the Jedi, until I didn't want to get to know anyone else. Eventually, when they introduced a new character I was like, no. I can't care about you, because you're going to leave me too. So I couldn't read on, because if I don't care, what's the point?

In the book it was worse, because there was no one else to latch onto. That isn't the same here, at least. I want to finish Osha and Mae's journey, and am very interested in what Sol has to say, and how Mister Scary-mask-Sith-abs is going to proceed. But the fact of the matter is that they gave us some cute characters both we and the main character could relate to, and then killed them for express purpose of showing us just how bad and powerful the baddie is. They essentially set up a kick-the-puppy trope moment with a little worfing on the side. A planned manipulation like the book's death scenario after death scenario after death scenario.

Yes, it was effective, but so is a bazooka. I'm not sure I want to use the word "lazy" to describe the storytelling, because it does work, I guess. But…it was maybe just a little lazy? I suppose that's what happens now in the days of binge television where stories are being told so quickly.

(And yeah, it's been done before, like say with the Lady Titan Arc in the aforementioned Attack on Titan. She also worfed and kicked the puppy to bring fear and urgency to a rapid boil but that was after 14 episodes and there was a much larger cast we had gotten to know, so even though we did loose a number of blorbos, two or three times as many survived, including the core main cast and all the fandom darlings.)

If this had been a far bigger or longer adventure we could have been shown all sorts of things to build up the notion of the threat they faced and the secret that was being kept, but here, no need. Just…kick this instead. Harder. There we go. Now swim around and look pretty. Oh yeah. That's good. Everyone's confused now…

But, like I said, I'm just a little bitter this morning, and the series is over-all still interesting. And there's a lot of comfort in that the actors had such a great time "dying." But I was sort of looking forward to seeing them continue, and react to whatever Sol has to say, and perhaps even be supportive to whatever is going to be left of Osha and Mae after this. I mean, that's what characters are supposed to do, right? Live, and react, and do stuff?

I guess that's what fanfiction is for…sure. But this experience has not encouraged me to reconsider exploring the High Republic era again. In fact, I'm going to be far more cautious the next time a piece of Star Wars media has "High Republic" anywhere on it.

Because apparently that's shorthand for "Don't get attached."

[inksandpensblog]

Honestly, this isn't the first time AvA/AvM have gotten more serious than I anticipated.

BUT, oddly enough, the two moments you mentioned aren't the moments I thought of!

[putting this below the cut because I drift quite far from op's main point but I do bring it back around by the end]

I, too, hadn't expected RYGB to die in The Showdown, but it's been so long that I think I've forgotten whatever initial shock I must've experienced when first watching it happen.

Matter of fact, I think Dark's brutality against Orange in his attempt to murder shocked me more than the deaths of the quartet at Dark's hands. (And honestly, it might've been because the episode expected me to just accept it; it wasn't given the same weight as the deaths were. But it struck me in a way that the deaths didn't.) Death was surprising, but...death has happened in shows directed at younger audiences, before. This?

I knew of no precedent for that.

On the other hand, Gold's death was devastating and I was aghast in the moment, but I don't think it really surprised me. With how the episode was set up structurally, it was pretty easy to guess that the kid was gonna die; the only question was how.

The first time I felt that things were getting into heavier territory than was usual for the show was when we got our first look at Purple's backstory. Like death, child abuse is something that shows directed at younger audiences tend to shy away from, but it is not unheard of. It is, however, something that those shows have to be very considerate in their depictions of. They might make it subtle enough that only more experienced viewers catch on, or leave anything physical offscreen. Not so with Purple's childhood (though a degree of separation is still provided via the medium of noteblocks); the violence in Purple's relationship with his father is a strongly emphasized aspect, enough so that even Purple's mother feared receiving violence from him despite no clear indication that he had ever been violent with her before that moment.

But I think what makes it more serious is that...it's not clear whether Purple himself has realized that this was abuse, that he went through. Even though it's made very clear to the viewer.

Unlike RYBG's deaths, Dark's brutality, and even Gold's death, Purple's childhood was a very nuanced situation, and Alan's team managed to get that nuance across effectively even if the details were kept extremely simple.

(Side note, because I'm pretty sure this one wasn't intended, but...we've all noticed that there were no indications of King having any sort of exit plan for himself once he'd completed his crusade against Minecraft, yeah?)

(And while I maintain that Gold's death in itself was not complex, King's grief over Gold's death is a different matter.)

And then there was the whip.

I've already made a post about the whip.

So yeah, for me this arc isn't the first time Alan's team has dipped into heavier, more serious subjects atypical for a show directed at younger audiences. It's not the first time that one of these videos has gone somewhere I wouldn't expect a "family-friendly" channel to go.

HOWEVER!

This is the first time that Alan's team has gotten so meta about it.

Animation vs. has always had a meta element to its story that most other animated stickfigure stories don't, given that the cast are literally animated stickfigures in-universe rather than animated stickfigures used as a visual shorthand for humanoid figures in a story about humanoids.

But this?

It's another to take a beloved character from your franchise, and develop an interactive experience around them that seems intentionally designed to show the audience how painfully destructive the audience's OWN ACTIONS are towards that character under the veil of a Creator/Viewer relationship.

This is unprecedented, and so far I am very impressed with how it's been executed.

I know people were calling this arc an ARG way back when it began, but I'm not joking in the slightest when I call it a social experiment. I don't believe Alan's team intended it to be a social experiment; I do think it was meant just as interactive commentary, with a narrative that was maybe 80% pre-written. But...my friends and I have noted that, as participating audience members, we're watching each other as much as we're watching the videos Green posts.

(Even so, even within this context the team has still gone in a direction I hadn't anticipated from a "family-friendly" creator. Though this one was probably also unintended.)

So the Alan Becker Team really are just gonna make the most painfully uncomfortable commentary/criticism of modern social media culture, aren't they?

cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool

This is fine. Everything is fine. Why would this not be fine?

[doctorofmagic]

My thoughts on What If... Doctor Strange Lost His Heart Instead of His Hands?

The very title of the episode sends a shiver down my spine. And this is where we’re going to start.

~ long post under the cut ~

A year ago, I wrote this post as an attemp to dive into one of the most important traits in Doctor Strange’s personality: love. Stephen is a being made of love, made to love, no matter which interpretation you have when you watch Infinity War. If you don’t read comic books, you’ll understand the moment you meet Donna. You’ll begin to understand how her death reshaped his entire subjectivity out of fear of failing, being powerless and unable to control everything around him (especially death), thus the arrogant and yet a disaster of a man we all know.

Where do I even start? Stephen loved her sister deeply and felt responsible for her death. And then, slowly, he also lost his parents and his brother. He fell in love with Clea but he also pushed her away. He loved Zelma platonically and lied to her, which was enough for them to break their bond. He felt attracted to Kanna but screwed things up, even though they remain friends. He was forced to kill the Ancient One, the only father figure he had ever since his father died. And lastly, the only person who would never leave his side... also left. Yes, even Wong. Stephen has SO much love to give but he’s also afraid because he’s cursed. He truly believes his love in poison. And would you look at that? What If really delivered a story where this is actually true.

What If Doctor Strange Lost His Heart Instead of His Hands?

The level of understanding when it comes to the character is... inconceivable. What could possibly reshape Stephen into following a dark path but love? The very premise of the whole episode. This is so much more than a love letter. This is literally too much, in all senses.

Fine, let’s begin.

What if the best of intentions has very strange consequences?

No. You used the word “strange” for the pun but this is not the word. Nah-ah. I’d go with ATROCIOUS, for starters. Things are gonna escalate so quickly, my friends.

Seriously, tho? Christine is SO SO SO SO beautiful, they’re so cute together. I have this feeling that MCU!Stephen was quite toxic because of his arrogance and this is why they didn’t work out. But WhatIf!Stephen???????? He’s always praising her, teasing her in a healthy way, respecting her and listening to her. HE TRULY LOVES HER, I’M GONNA CRY ALL OVER AGAIN, PLEASE, NOT THE CRÈME BRÛLÉE, PLEASE

I’m going to leave this shot here because we need to go back to it later. Hold that thought.

And bonus points to “Yeah, well, I would call that quite remarkable.” / “Well, I would say the same about you.”

GODS. THE PAIN. STOP THE PAIN.

So in this reality, Stephen didn’t caused the car accident because he was checking his phone while driving. Also it was not the reckless attempt to pass the truck. Well, maybe it was the consequence of this act? The fact is, the car behind them loses control, which makes them crash. Does it matter? We’ll learn later that no, it doesn’t.

And yep... Christine dies. Have you noticed the shattered heart? Ah, the pain only gets better and better.

Again, Stephen blames himself. More than anything, this is so important because Stephen is all about guilt. We still need to meet Donna so we can add yet another layer of guilt. But the feeling exists. This is what corrupts Stephen’s heart and soul in all his iterations. This is what makes him the character I love so much. I love this SO. MUCH. In addition, his stubbornness to accept his condition. Man won’t take a no. This, this is Doctor Strange in character. Stop complaining about NWH Stephen, it’s pathetic.

Okay, “grief-stricken”, Stephen found the Mystic Arts and became a sorcerer. That’s when he learned about the Time Stone, the Eye of Agamotto and Dormammu. Nothing changes, he saves the universe. But time does not heal his deepest wound.

I love Wong so much. Every time Wong does something, the world is healed. Really. We’re going back to him as well but for now I’ll just leave this shot.

BUT STEPHEN, DOING SOMETHING RECKLESS? HE’D NEVAH

Aaaaaaaannnnnnd then he did.

He goes back in time. It’s been two years since he lost Christine. I think he reacted pretty nicely, despite the circumstances. Now let’s go back to that shot I said I was saving for later.

Stephen is so light-hearted here. Also, during the first time he lost Christine, he had no idea what “The Price is Right” was. He knows now, which means he probably tried to learn more about the show because of her, because of grief. HAHAHA MORE PAIN

AND THEN HE

AND THEN SHE DIES AGAIN

AND THEN HE KEEPS GOING BACK IN TIME

AND SHE KEEPS DYING

AND THE MUSIC

AND HIS VOICE

AND HE TRIES TO CHANGE FATE BUT IT CAN’T BE AVERTED

HE EVEN TRIES TO STAY AWAY FROM HER LIFE BUT SHE DIES ALL THE SAME, WHY

AND EVERY TIME THEY CRASH, HE FEELS THE PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL PAIN AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN, WHY

I’M-- *ugly sobbing noises*

Apparently, not.

And this scene when he simply... closes his eyes before she dies again...?

This is where this episode had me in endless tears. It got me the four times I watched it. I’m dead serious.

Okay, so, next the Ancient One appears to Stephen, explaining that Christine’s death is an Absolute Point in time. It cannot be changed. Stephen needs the accident to become the Sorcerer Supreme and defeat Dormammu.

And this is where Stephen starts his journey into darkness. “Nothing is impossible, you taught me that. I only require more power.” Disobeying the Ancient One, Stephen then travels in time, seeking the Library of Cagliostro. Now, if you’re not aware of that, Cagliostro was a sorcerer who studied time in comics, and later became Sise-Neg (there’s a recent post on this because of the new Defenders run). It’s funny to think that Sise-Neg also destroyed the world when he became a god, however he grew past his pettiness and remade reality. Stephen did not possess such power, as we’re about to see.

PS: “Stop torturing yourself, Stephen.” Naur but he should use this line like a mantra. Especially comics!Stephen.

Not gonna lie, tho. This place reminds me of the Temple of the Vishanti from T&T (of course I was going to insert T&T somewhere, it’s me).

And of course they’d go for a pun with his name haha. I don’t know how to feel about this, tho. I feel like the episode is too heavy and dark for comedy. But it is what it is.

Okay but why some books are in cages??????????? And wow, it seems Cagliostro also gathered knowledge about several fields of magic.

And then Stephen learns that, in order to break an Absolute Point, he needs to absorb more power. This is when I went “oh-oh, here we go”.

And for real, is this Shuma-Gorath? Why are they keeping his name a secret? Is this the same creature from the first episode with Captain Carter, right? RIGHT? It has to be Shuma-Gorath.

Of course he tries to be polite and ends up all hurt haha. O’Bengh warns him about love but he will not listen. “Love can break more than your heart. It can shatter your mind.”/ “Is she worth the pain?”. Please, this is Stephen. He eats pain for breakfast.

Also, also, let’s take a break. We’re finally going to get monsterf0cker tentacle-lover Stephen Strange. It will cost us everything but here we goooooooooooo (yes, I went frame by frame for your more obscure fanservice needs)

Gods, I love this sequence so much it hurts. Okay, here we go.

Shmebulock???????????

AND HE STOLE THE CAPE??????????? AND DREW THE LINE ON BUGS??????

The grasp this man is holding on me right now...

Some of you will understand. I’m with you.

And here are the grostesque ones. These are hard to take SS but I had to.

Animation, sound effects, OST? CHEF’S KISS TO ALL

And lastly... the tentacles. Yeah, if you’re new... this is a thing.

Fanservice. Fanservice everywhere. (low-key the reason I also waited to write this review, I wanted to enjoy this part so badly but I was too sad for that lmao)

Okay so. O’Bengh is suddenly OLD and DYING, until we realize that Stephen spent CENTURIES absorbing mystic beings. CENTURIES. WTF STEPHEN. He had nothing in mind but the goal to save Christine. And people wonder why he went insane???? I’m sorry, O’Bengh, but I can’t take you serious when you still call Stephen Sorcerer Armani. Oh, and also because you watched him absorb beings for centuries in silence lmao. But I guess I have to because you said that Stephen is split in two since the Ancient One cast a spell on him, splitting the timelines and making them exist in the same reality before he could travel back in time. I know, it’s complex. Anything for the plot.

And now good!Stephen has an evil!twin who wants to absorb him back in order to become whole and break the Absolute Point. Cool.

I said I wanted to talk more about Wong because I think people are not talking about him enough. Wong is so important in this episode. He’s the one who’s trying to heal Stephen after Christine. He’s Stephen’s anchor.

Also, THEY FINALLY USED A SPELL WITH THE NAME OF THE VISHANTI. HOORAAAAY

So, for the sake of our understanding, I’m addressing the characters as evil and good!Stephen. Let’s go. Evil!Stephen summons good!Stephen and gods, he still holds such a strong grasp on me... unbelievable. THE DEEPER VOICE BENEDICT USES???? PLEASE, DIDN’T WE HAVE ENOUGH?

Imagine his strength to hold so many beings inside him, fighting to control him. BRO, THIS IS TOO TOO MUCH

Fine, I’ll not post SS about the fight because I’d be here all night long but I WILL say this: NOT CLOAKIE!!!!! NAAAAAAAAAAUR

Also if you ask me if I recognize any of the spells? Maaaaybe the Flames of Faltine, the not-so-crimson Bands of Cyttorak and a little trick Magik does with her portals. That’s how far I go.

I’ll not comment on the “seducing yourself to stay in the trap”. I will not. I’ll just say that the first person Stephen thought of when “Christine” was talking about the crème brûlée was Wong. That’s it.

And finally evil!Stephen absorbs good!Stephen and releases... UNLIMITED POWER (I love when the stone goes red as if it was bleeding aaaaaaa)

I can fix him...

This scene here? Poetic cinema. (I love his wings so much)

And when Stephen says her name and the other monsters’ voices echo “Christine”, AAAAAACKKKK

AND OF COURSE CHRISTINE WOULD FREAK OUT, BRO. LOOK AT WHAT YOU’VE BECOME BECAUSE OF YOUR TWISTED LOVE. I’M NOT DOING FINE.

Oh, but it’s too late anyways because Stephen broke reality haha. This scene is interesting because Stephen is the only one who sensed and/or talked to the Watcher until now. I read an interview that the Watcher kinda showed up but it’s also about Stephen’s keen senses. Bit of both, let’s say. Still, man, 616-Watcher is not that cold. 616-Watcher would watch this and say “how about I intervene anyway?”. WhatIf!Watcher is brutal.

The way Christine looks at Stephen one last time also KILLS ME, DESTROYS ME, BREAK ME INTO A MILLION PIECES.

And this is where my soul left my body.

This is how they end the episode. This is how you leave me speechless and with teary eyes. This is how you give me a whole existential crisis.

This... this was brutal to watch. Really.

What can I say after this? I’m used to reading painful things when it comes to Stephen. Aaron’s and Cates’ runs are heartbreaking on so many levels. Hickman’s New Avengers is not easier. Coincidentally, What If? Magik Became Sorcerer Supreme and The End. And now Death of Doctor Strange. And yet, after everything I’ve been through, I’d never expect to watch something so brilliant, so tragic, so heartbreaking and unexpected in the MCU. Never. This is top tier content and this is my favorite character with SO MANY LAYERS and SO MUCH UNDERSTANDING. I can’t put into words how meaningful this whole episode is to me, or how deep it touched my heart and soul.

I’ve been struggling to find the proper words since then, I still can’t. All I can add is, I cried for the 4th time now. This is too, too much, even for Stephen stans. Even for the ones who are used to pain, regardless of which media you’re into: comic books, live actions or animated movies. This is literally more than I can take and yet I’m so, so grateful. The voice acting, gods, how did Benedict manage to create a better Stephen than the one he’s literally playing in real life???????????? HOW

This episode really took the max potential Stephen had to offer as a character, added tons and tons of layers based on his grief, depression, arrogance and need to control everything and created a tragic masterpiece. In 7 years of being a Doctor Strange fan, I've never read or watch something that could go this deep into the character. The closest I can think of is Mr. Misery and the metaphor of Stephen's depression. This is a whole new level of respect and understanding. This is more than a love letter. This is peak maestry. It’s perfect, it’s heartbreaking, it’s... gods, I can’t.

Sorry for dragging you until this far. Before I wrap up this review, I just wanted to remind you all that Stephen will appear again, he will smile again, he will be surrounded by people again. So this is not the end. It was painful but be brave. We still have a few more steps to take.