#though honestly Mono is like an actual choice in my mind

[allegedlyfunny]

Ngl i feel like if i ever actually transision (Top Surgery, legal name change, ect) i couldn't be trusted to name myself

cuz I'd name myself some shit like Mono or Ena or Michael cuz i can't think of original names lol

[kaitycole]

Mono a Mono

Summary: Liam arrives in Montana and takes a visit to the Walker Ranch

Word Count: 3484

Pairings: Drake x Riley, Jackson x Eleanor

Warnings: Mentions of violence, Mentions of character death, Mentions loss of a mother, Mentions of alcohol consumption

A/N: Just a reminder, here’s a link to my character profiles if you’re interested. You learn somethings about a few that won’t be written directly in the series: here.

Song Choice: n/a

Part 17 of WP. To catch up, read here.

Tag List: @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore​  @kingliam2019​  @texaskitten30​ @glaimtruelovealways​  @bobasheebaby​  @bascmve01​  @burnsoslow​  @the-everlasting-dream​  @ao719​  @sirbeepsalot​  @janezillow​  @i-bloody-love-drake-walker​  @kimmiedoo5​  @choices97​ @marshmallowsaremyfavorite​  @lodberg​ @edgiestwinter​  @marshmallowsandfire​  @hopefulmoonobject​ @iaminlovewithtrr​  @cordonianroyalty​  @rafasgirl23415​  

“It would’ve been less suspicious if we had just picked Liam up!” Riley whines, anxiously bouncing up and down.

“But everyone knows he’s here.”

“Yeah, but…” she flops down on the nursey floor. Drake is trying to once again pick a paint color. They have it narrowed down to Heavy Goose, Moonshine and Gray Owl; all shades of gray that look exactly the same to Drake.

“Seriously? He’ll be here soon, you’re acting like a child.”

“I haven’t seen him in forever!” She huffs, crossing her arms across her chest.

“And if you don’t help pick a color, I’ll lock you in here until you do and it’ll be even longer until you can see him.”

Her jaw drops, “Drake Thomas Walker, you wouldn’t!”

“Two words: Try. Me.”

“Technically that’s four.” She sticks her tongue out at him.

He rolls his eyes, seriously contemplating locking her in the nursery. He just wants to get the room together and really doesn’t’ want to wait until the last minute, unlike Riley.

Riley’s head snaps up when she hears a car heading up their gravel, it’s not until there’s shuffling on the front deck that Drake starts towards the door. She tries to slip out of the door, but Drake takes a larger stride; locking her in the nursery.

Drake opens the door right as Liam has raised his fist to knock. Liam and Bastien are standing on the porch while a few other guards are scattered through the property. The friends stand there before pulling each other into a hug.

“It’s been a while.” Drake moves so Bastien and Liam can come inside.

“Thanks.” Liam looks around, it’s the first time he’s been in their home, “I like the farmhouse décor.” He takes in the nice blend of neutral colors mixed with wooden textures. The only reason he even knows as much as he does is because Riley sent him hundreds of photos and samples while choosing how to decorate.

“She spends more money trying to make half of the décor when she could buy it for less. She says it’s more authentic.”

Liam chuckles, “Speaking of, where is she?

They pick up on faint banging when Liam looks at him through furrowed brows.

“Second door on the right.”

Liam walks down the hall, skeptical. Riley isn’t one to do jump scares, but he’s still hesitant. When he opens the door, he finds a pouting Riley. When she looks up at him, she jumps into his arms; Liam stumbles back into the hallway.

“Drake locked me in here! He’s trying to keep us apart, Li!”

Liam gasps playfully, “Drake! How could you! Trying to keep my Riles from me!”

“He so effortlessly locks his pregnant wife in a room!”

Drake glares at them, “Honestly, you both are two halves of a whole idiot, you know that.”

Riley untangles herself from around Liam as he gently places her feet on the ground. Before they both ask, “But I’m your favorite idiot right!” at the same time.

Drake shares a look with Bastien who holds his hands up, staying out of it before they all walk into the living room.

*                      * Liam looks up at the ceiling as he lays on the guest room’s bed. He wouldn’t say that he’s nervous but there’s definitely a weight in his chest. He felt confident when he made the plans to come to the states, still felt confident when he got here, but now he feels the weight of the world.

He squints as the room slowly feels with the hallway light as the door opens.

“Li?”

“Riley?”

She sits on the edge of the bed, tapping his arm so he scoots over before she crawls in bed next to him. “You nervous?”

He gulps, he should be used to it now, but Riley has an uncanny ability to just know how he feels, know what’s going on with him. “I’m scared, stupid right?”

She leans her head on his shoulder, “I’d be scared too. This is uncharted territory for almost everyone.”

“I just don’t want to lose those good memories of my mom.” The words get stuck in his throat as he blinks away tears.

“You don’t have to.” She toys with her wedding band, “I mean, yeah you’re going to hear somethings you probably don’t want to, but it doesn’t change the memories you have. Those can’t be changed because whatever Jackson says can’t change that she actually loved you.”

“It’s just hard to feel that way knowing that she left.”

Without thinking, Riley does what she does best; saying exactly what pops in her head, “What if she didn’t want to leave?”

“Huh?”

“I’m just saying, all we know is that she left. We don’t know the why yet.”

“I…I guess…well I never thought about it that way.” He runs his hands through his hair, “I just immediately assumed it was because I wasn’t good enough for her to stay.” Riley sits up immediately and faces her best friend, “Liam Rys, King of Cordonia or not, if you ever think you aren’t good enough again I will punch you. How could you think that?”

“Because she left, Riles. One day she was there and then one day she wasn’t. Then I found out she got pregnant she picked that baby over me.”

“Maybe it’s wishful thinking,” she rubs her hand over her stomach, “but I find it hard to believe she didn’t do this to protect you. I know I’d do anything to protect my child.”

“You’re gonna be a great mom, ya know?”

“I can’t even pick out a paint color, what am I going to do when trying to figure out if they’re hungry or tired?” “I can’t help with that, but I can help you with paint colors.” He jumps out of the bed, grabbing her hand and pulling her to the nursery, “Okay. Pick a number one through three.”

“This is silly.” She looks at his pajamas, “Actually those pants are silly.”

He looks down, they were navy blue pants with apples on them, “They were a gift!”

She just gives him a side look, “Not a gag gift?” “Pick a number before I lock you in here.”

She lets out a breath, “Two.”

“Good choice. Baby Walker will be surrounded by,” he scans over the paint squares on the wall, “Gray Owl.”

“But,” she makes a face; unsure of the decision.

“Nope. It’s Gray Owl.”

Drake walks into the room, mid-yawn, “It’s after three in the morning. Do I even want to ask?”

“Riley picked a paint color.”

“She’ll just change it.” Drake shrugs.

“Not this time.” Liam smiles, sleep washing over him.

Riley smirks, if Liam could face his fears and the uncertainty that comes with tomorrow then surely, she could keep a paint color.

*                      * Liam and Drake pull up to Jackson’s ranch. Liam is already out the door before Drake has put the truck into park. He storms up the driveway and his blood began to boil when he sees Jackson walking down the stairs to meet them.

His pace increases and he can feel the anger as he stomps on the ground. Jackson has a hesitant smile on his face. He reaches his hand out to shake Liam’s just as Liam’s fists slams into Jackson’s jaw.

“Liam!”

Jackson stumbles backwards as his body reacts to the impact. Liam gives him zero change to recover before slugging him again and he’d have gone for a third if Drake hadn’t have pulled him back.

“Get off of me!” Liam shouts, his body radiates anger.

“Only if you’ll calm down.” Drake tugs him backwards once more, separating him and Jackson more.

“Fine!” Liam shrugs him off before running his hands through his blonde hair. He hadn’t planned on being physically aggressive towards Jackson. He wanted to be civil, he knew that’s what his mom would’ve wanted, but there was something about seeing his face that brought all his emotions to a head.

To him, Jackson was the man who ruined his family and Drake’s as well. While he was pissed that he lost his mom, Drake lost both of his parents and he would defend Drake his whole life.

“Don’t worry, I’m fine, Drake.” Jackson rubs his jaw, “Though I always thought Leo would be the fighter, not you.”

“Because you know me so well, huh?”

“I get it, I understand.”

“Do you? You had to believe your mother died only to find out she ran off with the help!?”

“Liam, that’s my dad.”

“Drake. Let him get it out.”

“Get it out? What? You think I’m going to yell and then we’ll shake hands and swap stories of my mother?” Liam shouts, “Oh, wait! You have more than me.”

“I know that won’t happen. I didn’t expect it too. I can’t imagine how hard this is on you. I just want you to try to understand.” Jackson takes a step towards Liam.

“Understand what!? You’re talking as if you’re telling me that Santa isn’t real. How do you possibly expect me to understand?”

“Li, I know it seems hard to but I understand things, just hear him out.” Drake tries to mediate but to be honest, he’s not sure Liam is even listening. If he knew that Liam was going to be closed minded and violent, he wouldn’t have brought him here.

“It’s not the same for me as you Drake!”

“How? We both believed our parents were dead. Both found out they aren’t.”

“No, Drake, it’s not. Your dad isn’t really dead, but my mom is. I’m sorry if this seems harder for me to understand.” Liam shakes his head as he walks away from the Walkers. He needs space, air to breathe and he feels like he’s suffocating standing here.

Drake begins to walk after him, but Jackson puts his arm out, stopping him in his tracks.

“Let him go. He needs time.”

“But…”

“No, Drake. He’s right. This isn’t something you two can work through together right away.”

*                    * Liam finds himself sitting outside the barn. His idea to wear khakis wasn’t faring well; could a king even wear jeans? He should’ve stayed in Cordonia; coming here didn’t change anything or make anything better. Part of him thought Olivia would have stopped him, but he knew that he couldn’t depend on her to save him.

“Hey. You must be Liam.”

He looks up and freezes. Drake told him that Luke heavily resembled him, but seeing him in person made it uncanny.

“And you, Luke?”

Liam looks at Luke, they have a lot of shared features of his mother, their mother. But his eyes weren’t hers, they were signature Walker brown eyes. How could this person in front of Liam look so much like him, but make him feel so much anger?

Luke sat next to him, “I know this must be hard.”

“Oh, you do?” Liam spits at him. He didn’t mean to say it so rudely, but no one could understand how he felt.

“I lost her too.”

Liam whips his head to the side, looking at Luke. In all his anger, he never thought of that. Regardless of when, they both shared the loss of Eleanor. The loss of their mother.

Luke wipes a few tears away, “I couldn’t imagine losing her twice like you though.”

It has been years since Luke had spoken about his mother, Jackson always said she wouldn’t want them to dwell on the sadness of her passing, but the joyfulness of her life. Though he wouldn’t really talk about their memories with her either. He only lost her three year ago, but Liam lost her twenty years ago yet here he was crying while Liam remained stoic.

“What was,” Liam’s voice cracks, “was she like?”

“Like sunshine. If that makes sense.”

Liam smirks, he knew exactly what he means. The few memories he could remember clearly, that’s how she was, “It definitely makes sense.”

The two sat in silence, an awkward silence. The person next to them is a complete stranger yet someone they share a bond with. Liam isn’t ready to let his guard down, while they share a mother, he still wears the last name of the man Liam hates the most. But he trusted Drake and he was a Walker.

“Is it rude to say this is awkward?” Luke asks, unsure of what to really do.

Neither of them is sure of what to say. Luke went from being an only child to be the youngest of four while Liam went from being the youngest to the middle child. Or technically an only to the oldest. There was a lot they could talk about; their mother, their childhoods, who they are, but there was still uncharted territory between they that prevented it.

Although they weren’t speaking, there is something comforting about the exchange. Just sitting there next to someone who shares the one person you felt lost without. Luke goes to speak up when he sees someone rushes over to them and begins to panic.

“Your Majesty!” The figure says, standing just a few feet from Liam who seems unfazed.

Majesty? Where exactly is he from? Luke looks at his eldest brother confusingly.

“Yes, Bastien?”

“I turn around for one minute and you run off.” He is breathless, as if he had to run a far distance, “You act more and more like Leo some days.”

Liam smirks, “Oh, Bas. Don’t tempt me.” He looks over at Luke who looks more confused than he’s ever seen anyone look, “I’d like some time with Luke, can we have some privacy?”

Bastien just nods before walking off, but keeping a reasonable distance from the king.

“Why’d he call you ‘your majesty’? That’s a weird greeting.”

“I guess Jackson never told you.” Luke shakes his head and Liam rubs the back of his neck, “Well, uhm…I’m the king of the country that Jackson and Elea…mom, left from.”

Luke feels like he’s going to pass out, he feels dizzy and his face has paled. He had to be joking, right? A king? Seriously? They have those in more than just England? I really should’ve paid attention in history class.

“It’s a lot to take in.” Liam chuckles before Luke jumps up and drops down into a deep bow.

Liam feels a smile twitching on his lips before he starts laughing. Luke looks up confused at his brother’s reaction. Wasn’t this how you addressed kings and queens? Several moments pass before Liam has stopped laughing and if it wasn’t for the fact it was a genuine laugh, he might have felt bad.

“I’m so sorry. That was just so…” he taps his finger to his lip looking for the right word, “Adorable? Innocent?”

Luke stared at his brother, slightly confused that he had just been called adorable. “Did I do it wrong?”

He shakes his head, “Not at all, but you just don’t need to do it. Yes, I’m still a king, but I’m not here on royal or diplomatic business. This trip is a personal one, so please, just treat me like Liam.”

“And who exactly is Liam?”

“Well, I guess he’s your older brother.” Liam lets out a nervous chuckle, “I don’t really know what to say, this is new for me.”

Luke wrings his hands together, there is something that he wants to bring up, but he’s scared. He isn’t sure if it would be pushing too far, if he’d be overstepping a line and even though he’s just met his, he doesn’t want to lose him just yet.

“Something on your mind?” Liam cocks his head to the side, “I might not know you, but I do know people. That look is exactly the kind I see when diplomats wear when they want to address a topic. A topic I might not want to hear.”

“I don’t want to hate my mom, our mom, but it’s hard to still see her like I used to now. Since I know the truth,” he shrugs with a sigh.

Liam understands completely. Though looking back the way he handled the news wasn’t very mature, but he’s done a lot of thinking. He doesn’t have all the pieces to the puzzle, he hasn’t fully come to his own conclusion, but things are becoming more clearly to him.

Luke panics at his silence, “I’m so sorry. I know you must blame me…”

“Blame you?”

“If mom didn’t have me, she would’ve stayed with you.” He clears his throat, trying to mask that his voice is breaking.

“But I don’t.” Liam shrugs when Luke’s head snaps in his direction, “You, personally, didn’t make the decision. Mom and Jackson did.”

“I…wow…that means a lot.” Luke stands up, “I think I need to go process today.”

Liam stands up and nods as Luke walks off, leaving him staring at the ground. This is proving to be a lot harder than he thought, but at least now he knew he wasn’t so alone. Yeah, he had Drake and Riley, but Luke was different. He wasn’t sure why exactly, but with Luke he feels a sense of comfort he hasn’t felt since he mom left.

*                      * Riley peaks around the corner when she hears the door shut. She’s not surprised when she sees just Liam standing there; she had a strong feeling he’d come back alone. He takes off his shoes by the door before walking to the couch; flopping down with a sigh.

“I have a new bottle of scotch with your name on it.” She walks into the living room with the bottle along with a glass for him.

“Thanks, Riles.” He takes the bottle, opens it and takes a quick swig right from the bottle. Riley stares at him, mouth slightly opened.

“What? Not like you can drink any.” He smirks at her as she just rolls her eyes, sitting down next to him.

“Want to talk about it?” She sighs, she hates seeing the two most important people to her so hurt. This is a huge mess that she isn’t sure anyone can come out unharmed from. To make matters worse, Liam seems to be the one who continuously comes out empty-handed at the end of the day: lost his mom, died dad, found out mom wasn’t dead only to learn she is actually dead now.

“After say,” he pretends to look at his watch, “a few more big swigs.” He tries to laugh, but can’t.

She’s looking at her best friend when she notices his right hand is red, “What’s up with that?”

“Can I get in a few more sips?” He tries to dodge the topic as Riley goes into the kitchen, coming back with a cloth filled with ice.

“Talk.”

“I punched him.” He winces a tad as she presses the ice to his knuckles, “Jackson, that is.”

Riley could say that she is surprised, but she’s not. Honestly, that had been her first reaction too. The way Jackson effortless recounted the story of how he met Bianca, how things were with him and Eleanor, he said it all as if somehow, he was the white knight. As if Constantine and Bianca had gotten in their way to prevent them from being together. It didn’t sit right with Riley.

“I’ll apologize tomorrow.” “I wouldn’t.”

“Riley! That is your father in law.”

She snorts, “Don’t remind me.” Liam raises his eyebrows, “Spill it.”

She lets out a deep breath and tell him how she wasn’t immediately supportive of the idea Drake had seen Jackson. And how now she isn’t sure it’s a great idea to just jump into things. How she understands he wants to get to know dad, but wishes he was more skeptical because who knows what all Jackson is going to say and how that will shift what Drake thinks of him.

“I think I’m ready to talk about it now.” Liam holds up the bottle, now only two-thirds full.

“Then let’s talk about it.”

“I thought I could handle seeing him. That I’d be able to come here and get the answers I’ve been wanting. Then I saw his face and this rage built up, all I could think about was how I grew up without my mom and he got her. He got all those memories that I missed out and I snapped.” He takes another sip of the scotch before shaking his head.

Riley gives him a sympathetic smile, gently placing a comforting hand on his arm.

“But then,” he chuckles, “I met Luke and it might’ve been weird at first, but he’s actually not that bad.”

“Well duh, he’s related to you.” She playfully nudges his shoulder, “Maybe since you aren’t ready to talk to Jackson, you can talk more to Luke tomorrow.”

Liam nods, “Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.”

[radramblog]

Adventures in the Forgotten Realms Commanders

Due to circumstances I won’t get into at time of writing (don’t worry it’s mostly good) I’ve been forced, dragged over, and required to actually fucking read all the new Commanders from Magic’s newest set, Adventures in the Forgotten Realms. I’ve only recently gotten deeper into D&D, I don’t know who like any of these clowns are (except Tiamat, obviously).

Also due to circmstances beyond my control (that are less good but understandable) my Commander night has been called off and I don’t get to play with my shiny new Cabal Coffers. It’s a bit sad, and it means I want to get my fix elsewhere.

What better way than to combine these two and just write about every AFR ‘mander? That’ll pass the time. There’s like, what, 30? I can manage that if I’m quick. Let’s get into it.

(No I’m not doing the precon cards I haven’t been staring at those all week)

Acererak the Archlich

The way I see this guy going is one of two things. You either do infinite Venture by making him free (not too hard in Black, what with Heartless Summoning, Carnival of Souls, etc.) and have a probably fine combo commander. For the record, infinite Venture does kill your opponents flat-out, BUT only because of Lost Mine of Phandelver’s Dark Pool room, and only if their life totals are lower than your deck count because you’re going to be drawing it in the process. That shouldn’t be an issue, but you never know.

The other option is just playing him fairly, which requires completing Tomb of Annihilation, and you just have a kinda mid Stax commander I guess? Eh.

Asmodeus the Archfiend

This Devil is clearly trying to echo prior Demons like Griselbrand and Vilis, but I’m not sure it’s going to be successful- if only because the mana investment means it’s a lot slower. And if he gets killed when you don’t have B up? Blown the fuck out. Add in no evasion and this is a God I’m happy to pass on.

 Barrowin of Clan Undurr

Okay so this is kind of like Alesha, in less colours and more mana, if you manage to complete a dungeon. And there aren’t that many dungeon cards, so you’re probably playing some bad ones to make up for it. This is definitely a 99’er in that Esper Dungeon precon, and certainly not a commander.

 Bruenor Battlehammer

In an attempt to solve one of Boros’s problems, Bruenor saves you a bunch of mana on equips and makes shit like Argentum Armor substantially more playable. He also gets kinda fuckin beefy with even just a few on him, hitting that 7 no matter what the first one is and 11 not long after. As far as Boros Boys go, you can do a lot worse!

 Delina, Wild Mage

Didn’t we just get this card? Like, in C21? This is harder to make busted than Rionya, but it is cheaper and works with legends, so fair call. There’s not enough “advantage” dice mechanics in Red, certainly, so you can’t go probability-mad with this, but it’s pretty decent value. It also happens to be a Shaman, so it works with that new MH2 card, and that’s fun.

 Drizzt Do’Urden

This guy has a lot of potential, and for added bonus, he has a cat! A lot of the cards that are good in this are the ones that are good in, say, Varolz, but honestly if you just want to play Selesnya Beatsticks then Drizzt might be the way to go. Can’t play him in Cats, though, unless you want to lose Kaheera, so.

 Ebondeath, Dracolich

Yeah I don’t think this one was for this format? I mean it’s super recursive, and probably a really good candidate for a Homicidal Seclusion/Deadly Wanderings deck. I think we need one or two more of that effect to make it actually playable, but I still like the idea.

Wait why isn’t this fucker a skeleton? WoTC Pls.

 Farideh, Devil’s Chosen

Look, I tried. I really tried, but there really just isn’t enough to make Farideh work yet. At least in black-border, as I think she’s probably one of the best silver-bordered commanders printed in a minute. A shame, because I sure do enjoy Tieflings, and the effect is legitimately solid if you can trigger it consistently.

 Grazilaxx, Illithid Scholar

While I imagine it’s a perfectly solid commander in their own right, basically Mono-Blue Edric but not group-huggy, where this is going to really shine is in Ninja decks. Holy shit, this is so nutty for those. Honestly, ETB decks in general are going to like them, because the choice of either taking damage and letting them draw or letting them reuse a powerful ETB is pretty tough. I like everything about this, except the art, because I’m not into tentacles no thank you.

 Gretchen Titchwillow

When Strixhaven came out, I thought Zimone was going to be the most boring Simic commander we’d ever see. But here comes Gretchen to outdo them.

Look, Simic can do good designs. Even at uncommon- Imoti, Moritte, and Eutropia are all super interesting in my opinion. But Simic being just draw and lands has become a meme, and I’m sick of it. Extremely so, for three main reasons- one, it’s boring, two, it’s been all over the place since WoTC decided +1/+1 counters being their only theme was bad (and, fair,) and three, it’s good.

Gretchen is the most boring card in the entire set, in my opinion, and I sure hope she isn’t a cool character in the lore because that’d be such a waste.

 Hama Pashar, Ruin Seeker

There are 21 venture cards in Azorius, and some of them are even good. Most of the Room effects are pretty minor, however, save for some of the endgame ones (and copying Cradle of the Death God is pointless, Atropal is legendary), so copying them isn’t actually a huge amount of value. I’d still play this in Esper Venture, but I don’t think I’d build around it.

 Icingdeath, Frost Tyrant

While this clearly isn’t built for this format, equipping this dragon with it’s own tongue is kind of a hilarious idea. You could do worse for Voltron decks, I guess, and in the 99 it’s both a thing to slap equipment on and an equipment itself- like a flying (and weaker) Halvar. Eh? I just wish the token wasn’t legendary- like yeah Flavour but this effect gets a lot worse when you can’t recur it. It’s rare that someone goes out of their way to kill an equipment that isn’t super busted, so Frost Tongue is probably hanging around for a while anyway.

Man, it feels awful if they bolt this one, huh?

 Inferno of the Star Mounts

Okay this is fucking cool. It’s a Shivan Dragon with haste, and that ability is probably pretty feasible to activate- keep in mind Braid of Fire and Neheb and the like are in the format- and combined with a swing will just kill someone. In fact, when I saw this, my brain immediately started looking for ways to shrink it, just so you can get multiple 20-damage wallops in a turn.

…there aren’t very many. But still! Even if you can’t get to 20 multiple times in a turn, getting to 21 once or twice is pretty good!

 Iymrith, Desert Doom

The fourth of our dragon cycle, because hey, it is Dungeons and Dragons. Iymrith reads basically identical to Dragonlord Ojutai, but without White- and for that kinda control deck, White is pretty nice to have. Iymrith can draw you more cards than Ojutai, but only if you’re low, in a blue deck, in Commander, so. With that said, a deck that just loads this with cheap auras/equipment might actually be pretty good, since they can load you back up on cards and keep the Voltron flowing, so, maybe? I’d honestly consider it if I didn’t already have Mono-blue Voltron as a deck.

 Kalain, Reclusive Painter

Okay this is super interesting. He is, unfortunately kinda fighting with the RB precon face, Prosper, for the new RB treasure deck, but for an uncommon there’s a fair bit going on here.

Actually, wait, is there? I thought about this for another couple seconds, and I don’t think this card actually does that much. It’s one treasure, and it benefits you a little bit for doing something you frankly don’t really want to be burning treasures on? Like it probably plays a mean Marionette Master, but everyone does that.

There really aren’t any other RB Artifact commanders, though, aside from Prosper or a partner deck. So ehhhh? Why are more people playing this than, like, Bruenor?

 Krydle of Baldur’s Gate

That’s a lot of words that don’t actually do a whole lot. I like the second ability, but Commander and especially Dimir aren’t hurting for evasion options. This is probably pretty good in Rogues, but that deck has a de facto best commander now, so. If this came out like, five years ago, it’d be kinda hype, but not anymore.

As an aside, I do kinda hate it when they just print a Tribal commander (or anything like this) that’s just miles and miles better than every other commander for that archetype, like with Anowon 2 or Edgar Markov or Anje Falkenrath. Wait….those are all vampires…….

 Minsc, Beloved Ranger

Shivam Bhatt did a fucking excellent breakdown of this character’s lore on twitter, which I recommend reading- the history of D&D’s lore is fucking wild. As it is, this seems like a pretty fun Naya commander- there’s plenty of creatures that get way better if you make them large, even if targeting Boo seems kinda pointless.

Also, I need someone to explain to me why the “Top Cards” on EDHREC for this guy right now are, like, all combo cards.

WAIT NO FIGURED IT OUT, unlike Marath he doesn’t say X can’t be 0 so you can use him as a sac outlet, for fucks sake people.

 Nadaar, Selfless Paladin

Hey remember all the things I said about the WB and WU dungeon cards? I mean, at least this guy could theoretically complete the dungeon on his own, but Mono-White is even more restrictive for what you could get, so. At least he draws a card every so often. And that anthem isn’t even remotely worth it, at all.

 Old Gnawbone

Green eating up more of the colour pie, I see. Now to be fair, I’ve pondered Mono-Green artifacts for a while, and this is probably a better leader for that list than Oviya Pashiri (but…I like her….), but beyond that I’m not sure what you’re doing with this. I guess people playing Sakiko because they think she’s actually good and not because they like her have a new commander.

This is fuckbusted in the 99 of like a million decks though. So there’s that.

 Orcus, Prince of Undeath

That…is so much mana. In a colour combo not especially great at garnering lots of it. The second ability scales fairly well, and it is a decent body on its own, but I don’t think this is going to be a particularly popular commander. Like, you have to pump 6 mana into this just to get a 2-drop back or to Infest the board? And that’s just the first time you cast it? Nahhhhh.

 Oswald Fiddlebender

Artifact Pod? Yeah, okay, sure, that seems reasonable at two mana. Keeping this mono-white was a good idea, I can’t imagine how insane this’d be in blue. I’m no artifacts expert, I’m no pod expert, but this has to be busted, right? Like surely there’s an easy way to infinite this? Someone with more brains figure it out for me, but either way it’s still a bunch of value and also a tutor in the zone.

(convert two random 2-mana rocks or wellsprings into Basalt Monolith/Rings of Brighthearth, okay that’s a good start)

 Shessra, Death’s Whisper

…ehhhhhhh. Okay, so, it’s a significantly worse Deathreap ritual in the command zone, and also a terrible Lure effect. Along with the flavour words on this taking up much more space than necessary, making the effects look much bigger and better than they are. Would it have hurt to give this deathtouch? Make it trigger on every end step? Lure more than once? I dunno, this just seems painfully weak to me. We’ve had an overabundance of Golgari commanders recently, to be fair- MH2 had 3, and before that was the enemy focused Strixhaven/C21, but that’s no excuse for this to be such trash- just look at Bruenor.

 Targ Nar, Demon-Fang Gnoll

I hope you like Gnolls, because that’s gotta be the only reason you’re playing this. Hello Tuya Bearclaw/Syr Faren/im sure a bunch of other boring commanders, this is another one of you. This looks so bad next to the Gruul precon (which is apparently somehow the first Gruul precon) and, well, every other RG general from the past couple years (save, again, Tuya Bearclaw). Even the fuckin Walking Dead guy is cooler than this.

 The Tarrasque

Disappointment part one over here is at time of writing the only commander from this set with a fat zero decks. Considering there were like 10 commanders at that number when I last checked, people are clearly trying out the set, so The Tarrasque being abandoned is particularly sad. It just…doesn’t do anything? It’s the fucking Tarrasque, and it doesn’t have trample, or a fear ability, or anything? Ward 10 is cute, basically being hexproof unless they have infinite mana (or an uncounterable spell), but really? I want more than this idiot for my 9 fucking mana commander. Ugh.

 Tiamat

I believe I’ve talked about Tiamat before, when she got spoiled, but I can’t be arsed finding that and dredging it up. I’m still disappointed, basically, especially since I’ve now read her statblock and know what she actually does. They could’ve given her a cool ability per head like Cromat, or had her recur like she does in the lore, or something. I genuinely would have preferred if she was an Emrakul-style massive game-ender (with a no-reanimation no bullshit clause) than this. How utterly meh.

 Trelasarra, Moon Dancer

This is literally just Ajani’s Pridemate but Selesnya and in the zone. Also you scry. Sure? It does also have two relevant creature types I guess, and they’d probably be good in a Soul Sisters deck. But it’s not like Selesnya was hurting for Lifegain commanders- this is basically just Lathiel but much leaner and voltron-ier.

 Varis, Silverymoon Ranger

Wait you can’t even play this in Esper Venture, fuck. With Flash effects, you can start clearing dungeons well quick enough, but like, for what, a Wolf? And these defensive keywords aren’t getting you anywhere either. Blegh.

Side note- I’m a big fan of tokens, and collecting various token arts, and I was extremely disappointed when I found out that the Wolf token from this set is just…the Zendikar one again? They didn’t reuse the 3/3 Angel or the Goblin or even the Zombie, why just that one? Something must have happened behind the scenes here.

Also….Silverymoon? That sounds like shit.

 Volo, Guide to Monsters

Hey, I know you, you’re from that one book. As much as Anti-Tribal sounds fun, I’m pretty sure this just turns into generic Simic value. Copying things is fun, I suppose, though not working with Legends hurts. I also appreciate that this supports playing a bunch of weirdo cards or ones that have fallen out of favor because they have more unique creature types- Anphin Mutineer, Acidic Slime, and Diluvian Primordial all seem like a lot of power here.

That said, is anyone ever letting this fucker stick around for a turn?

 Xanathar, Guild Kingpin

Hey, I know you, you’re from that one book. This card is completely awful to play in webcam-commander, so it’s a good thing we’re all getting vaccinated, right?

So this is UB Gonti, I guess? And also unironically not the worst combo commander, since it stops people from playing spells on your turn in a very White-like effect. Add in some Lantern-style effects and you can get a real stew going with this guy. He looks like a lot of fun- and I’m sure he’ll end up popular as a result. Well, that and being on the cover of an expansion book gets you a lot of notoriety.

 Zalto, Fire Giant Duke

 Our final card, our final Venture card, and the only red one. So, uh, there are literally 4 other Venture cards in mono-red, and at least one of them is complete dogshit, so I can’t imagine this being very good. Also, it’s an Enrage trigger on a 3 toughness 5-drop? Far from ideal. I guess it’s a 7 power trampler for 5, but that’s kind of faint praise to damn with. Maybe if someone makes 5C Venture, or if Giant/Barbarian tribal feel lacking, then this guy can find a home.

Shoutout to the exactly one person who built this deck, by the way. I see you, Elder Demon Highlander, and your 100ish views on your deck tech.

 And that’s the lot of them. Honestly, a lot more misses than hits, but that’s perfectly okay by me. 30 legends in a set is a lot, not to mention the 12 from the precons, and we’ve had so many actively playable legends recently that I’m fine with, like, half of these being trash. Trash is more fun anyway! Get yourself a fuckin Varis, why not.

Okay but seriously though who’s biting the bullet and building Tarrasque first? It’s not going to be me.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #412

“there’s nothing i could ever write to help you understand this life  /  there’s so much beauty when your eyes lay lost in all the city lights”

Did you make any money today? Nope. What was the highest place you've ever jumped from? Idk. Have you ever gone swimming in a river? Yes, but it wasn't in a fast-flowing area of it. Is there something you really want to buy at the moment? I mention Venus' terrarium enough, so besides that, I'd really like to buy a plane ticket to see Sara, as well as new glasses. Would you ever consider culinary school? No. What was the last souvenir someone got you? uhhhhhhhh Do you have a favorite remix of a song? BOI I couldn't begin. Has the power gone out recently? No. Do you like driving at night? NOOOOOOO. What do you think is the most saddest sounding instrument? Either a violin or piano. Do you really pay attention to the ratings on movies? Nope. Have you ever snuck in to a theater/dance/bar etc? No. If given the chance, would you go to Ireland? Yeah! I'd love to go on a photography journey there. Are you afraid of standing on the edge of hills/skyscrapers/cliffs etc? Yeah, heights scare me and I have a serious case of "what if I jumped off?". I'm not suicidal or anything, but there's an actual term for that urge that is somewhat normal. I just can't remember what it is. Do you have a favorite species of wild cat (tiger/lion/cougar etc)? Probably the clouded leopard. But I LOVE wild cats. I think lions are the most interesting. Do you have an absolute favorite name (boy or girl)? Alessandra, 120%. It is so beautiful-sounding, plus I love that you can use "Alessa" as a nickname. My Silent Hill obsession is quite thrilled by that, ha ha. Are you good at pronouncing foreign words? I'm decent with German. When listening to music, do you usually tap your foot etc to the beat? It's weird, I actually have a habit of swaying my leg back and forth. Not even to the beat, I just do it. Have you ever literally cried on a friend's shoulder? Yes. Would you ever consider being a DJ at a party if you were paid? No. Do strapless bras work for you? Look man my boobs are too big for those lmao. Has anyone told you that they wanted to marry you/were planning on it/etc? Many times. Guess who's not around anymore. Do you feel comfortable enough to wear short shorts? HELL no. Have a favorite actor/actress from Old Hollywood? (Marilyn Munroe, etc) Not really. What's your opinion on people who stretch their ears? You do you, boo. Do you think tattoos are expressive art or unattractive? A R T ! ! ! What is your school mascot? I'm not in school. Have you ever seen a bear in the wild? No. What's the book you're currently reading? Wings of Fire: Moon Rising. Can you recall the most disturbing movie you've ever seen? Paranormal Entity. Has anyone you know gotten mono? My older sister did when she was I think in high school. Have you ever picked an apple off the tree and eaten it? Yes, actually! It was one of the best apples I'd ever tasted. Can you say yes/no in different languages? In German, ja. (See what I did there lololol I'm clever.) Out of the traditional superheroes, which one is your favorite? Spider-Man. Ever peed in your pants after the age of 10? Maybe TMI, but a few years ago, I had a very strange episode of premature incontinence. It stopped, but it was very weird and embarrassing. Had any surgeries? What kind? I had tubes put in my ears as a two-year-old, and I wanna say at the end of 2016 is when I had my cyst removal surgery. Ever told your parents you hated them? My dad, yes. Very vehemently. I will always regret the letter I sent him. Do you let your pets on your furniture? Of course. This is their house, too. How do you feel about kettle cooked chips? Ew. How strong do you like your coffee? I don't like coffee, period. Would you rather see someone of the opposite sex naked or nicely dressed? Uhhhh I dunno. I guess it depends on the mood. Would you ever consider visiting Texas? I have friends there I'd love to meet, but I don't think so. Too hot. If you could make a movie, what would it be about? Some of the less-upsetting/disturbing RP stories I've taken part in writing. If you were kicked out of your current residence whom would you call? My dad. Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend? I mean I do, but I don't think now is the time. I need to set shit straight about myself first. Do you prefer broccoli or asparagus? Broccoli. Asparagus is repulsive. Was the last person you kissed attractive? She's gorgeous. Are you racist at all? Not at all. Do you read creepypasta? If not, you should. Nah. Have you ever vandalized? Nope. Would you ever scuba dive in shark-infested waters if you had the chance? Most likely not. And by the way, they do not "infest" waters. That's their home. I hate that phrase so much. Have you ever been drunk at work? No. Have you ever hit a parked car with your car? No. Have you ever slept on the floor with someone you like? Yes. I remember Jason and I made a palette on the living room floor at least one night. It was SO uncomfortable. I don't even remember why we did it. Which do you prefer: french toast, bagels, or cereal? French toast. *_* Do you prefer light or dark haired? I prefer colorful hair. Have you ever read any of the Chicken Soup for the Soul books? No. I remember we had at least one, though. Would you be prepared to do a job that you didn’t like, if it paid well? No. That would affect my depression so badly. Do you think age is needed for maturity? Absolutely not. Do you believe the future is predetermined? No. What the hell would even be the point if it was? Like you'd have no free will; you'd just be a character in a story a higher power wrote. What words are most comforting to you? "I love you," "I'm here for you," "you're strong enough to get through this," stuff like that. How important is money to you? I have a stressful relationship with money. I've never in my life had a stable income because the three jobs I've had were so incredibly short-lived, so the money I DO get, I cherish the shit outta it.. I make sure I REALLY want something, and I mean it modestly, but I'm also honestly pretty selfless with money, too. I'm very willing to leave considerable tips, I don't mind buying pricey gifts for people if I think they would really, really like it, stuff like that. Going my whole life being poor, I just understand the situation so well and want to help people where I can. Is there anything you want to last forever? Love. By that I mean I hope even beyond death, the relationships we built in life stretch into what afterlife there may be. List three of your passions: Animals and their conservation, LGBTQ+ rights, and the pro-choice movement. How old do you want to live to? As old as I can before the point of being totally dependent on others to do things like clean me and stuff. I do NOT want to be get to the point of essentially being a rotting corpse. What kind of love do you value the most? Romantic, honestly. There's just something so special about it. If you could control one element, what would it be? Water I suppose, because it would be the most helpful. Do you prefer foxes or wolves? Man, that's hard, but I guess foxes. Could you ever deliver a baby? I don't think I could. I handle stomach pain VERY poorly, and I know I would screech loud enough to crack the damn sky before it would be time to perform the epidural. Do you think suits are sexy? Yeah. Ever been called babe? Yeah. How old is your youngest sibling? She's 23. Who in your phone has a heart after their name? Sara. Favorite boy’s name? Probably Severin. Are your parents together, separated, divorced, never married, what? Divorced. Do you go online every day? Yep. What is the best quality in the last guy you kissed? The last guy I kissed, maybe his loyalty. He has ALWAYS been there for me. He's also funny as hell. What do you usually do during a kiss? Depends on how passionate it is? Do you have an older brother? I do. You’re offered free tickets to a Justin Bieber concert. What do you do? Sell those bad boys. What’s the genre of the current song you’re listening to? Pop. Can you believe it?? Would you ever keep your favorite animal as a pet? ABSOLUTELY not. I could write an actual essay on why meerkats should NOT be kept as pets. Would you ever sell your soul? Noooo thanks.

[whatevenismyaestheticidk]

Things I’ve heard high schoolers say pt 3

Person: it’s to early for me to be alive right now

Teacher: who invented math? Student: Lincoln.

Teacher: You feel as if you get low marks on this 5 paragraph essay you’ll end up poor and homeless and addicted to drugs. Student 1: Yes. Student 2: That’s exactly how it works. Student 3: I mean… you’re not wrong.

Student: It’s called panic and I do it well. I do it very well.

Student 1: I need to get glasses. Student 2: I need to get a will to live.

Student: Physics eats brains for lunch and sucks ass for dinner.

Student: Fuck you Perry the platypus!!

Student: he’s an Asian white supremisist. How does that even happen.

Teacher: After treating him like dirt for 7 years what is he to me? Student 1: Friends? Student 2: Lovers?

Teachers: We can’t have poor people running the place, that’s stupid.

Teachers: It was illegal to be alone because when you are alone you commit a sin.

Student: They play with your intestines? Like jumprope???

Student 1: you make me want to kill myself Student 2: Bitch please! I’ve been making myself want to kill myself for years.

Teacher: If you’re in my class don’t be acting the fool

Student: that’s it! You’ve lost your titty privileges

Student: I have the bladder of an octopus please let me go to the bathroom

Teacher: America broke up with Britain through text and by telling all of their friends but not actually telling Britain.

Student: my peripheral vision up is about as good as a fucking snail’s.

Student: I am allergic to myself.

Student: she brought my coconut juice. I’m going to cry.

Student: my name is Bitch.

Student: my elevator is literally a vsco girl

Student 1: what do you think? Student 2: I think I’m a fucking slut.

Student 1: I look like a lightbulb Student 2: A cute lightbulb. 10/10 would screw you (in)

Teacher: No one likes Axe, but its your friend.

Student: I am a flaming homosexual and that is why I want to dye my hair pink in honor of the women that I love so much

Student: oh my god it’s Michael fucking Jackson! *screams*

Student: Im 16 but not even very much 16.

Teacher: Theres a reason my cousin Neil trades three shifts of paramedic work so he doesn’t have to work on the night of the full moon.

Student: I know it sounds scary running from the police but it’s actually just leisurely walking away from them.

Student: I was washing my hands after lunch and this guy just started bleeding out next to me.

Student: I’m just saying, I would wear a full out prom dress to school and no one could stop me.

Student: I have the strength of a roasted peanut.

Student 1: Avacodo’s are thicc though. If there was a sexiest food event then avocado would win hands down. Student 2: what about peaches Student1: I would 100% fuck an avocado.

Student: chicken nuggets re the dad bod of the food world.

Student: in conclusion: gay.

Student: Hey Mr (Teacher) can you please elaborate on your outfit choice today?

Teacher: Dueling? You know the 10 paces fire? The thing that Hamilton is known for but he was a lot better at?

Teacher: Dreams are kinda wack Student: But this is another level of wack.

Student 1: Im just saying you could totally suck a dick by mistake. Student 2: How? Student 1: Like if you’re watching a movie and he’s holding a soda bottle between his legs and you want a sip but it’s dark you could totally accidentally suck a dick.

Student 1: hurry the fuck up Student 2: that is not how you treat people, you need to have some respect. You say PLEASE hurry the fuck up.

Student: You know, Stockholm syndromes. Like when someone is kidnapped and then catches feelings for their master, daddy kinks, that kinda shit.

Student: IF I were to eat Donalt Trump’s ass it would be so white I’d get retinal cancer just from looking at it.

Student: You were texting her which made us loose the quizlet live game! She is a whore!

Teacher: you’re a dirty old man, you read the script

Student: you’re my hwb. Homies with benefits.

Student 1: I’m a shell 2: I’m a crab. 3: what do crabs do to shells 2: I’m going to go live and eat inside you then eventually leave you for another

Student: Ayyyy!! We’re getting mono!!

Student: Stop catching feelings you dumb emotionally suicidal bitch!!!!

Teacher: *Student’s name* you need to find friends who love you.

Student: Is that a kneecap? *fake cough* Slut. *fake cough*

Teacher: Yah Buccanan was our first gay president. Student: But he was a Democrat! Teacher:… you DO know that people can be gay and a democrat.

Student: This whole book was just a giant KFC commercial.

Student: he other day I tried to zoom in on a book.

Student: every time I head an Indian person talk it’s like they’re raping me but in a good way.

Student: You canned corn of a human.

Student: you look like a broken piano

Student: There’s no room for Jesus! I don’t want to see him!

Student 1: Tiger sharks are the goats of the ocean. Student 2: Wrong. I’m the goat of the ocean.

Student: Florida is the Bermuda Triangle of stupid shit.

Student: Jesus has a plan for me, and I don’t think it’s in his textbook of an agenda.

Student: did you talk to her? Because I’m pretty sure blowing up a school is frowned upon.

Student: and that’s on period no tampon.

Student 1: what would your stripper name be? Student 2: Ruby. Teacher who over heard: Excuse me. Teacher here, stripper conversation over there. Please move the inappropriate conversation somewhere where I can’t hear it. Vanilla Pudding. (the thing about this one, was she was telling us that in the past, her stripper name was Vanilla Pudding)

Student: (Different student’s name), if I told you that I was possessed last night would you believe me?

Student: (Teacher) I was possessed last night, is there, like, biology to support that?

Student: Could I theoretically live forever if I drank infinite 5 hour energies.

Teacher: I have more glue sticks I just don’t put them out because the freshman eat them.

Student: drinking chocolate milk isn’t good for you it just like tragic.

Student: who do people even get stds, I can’t even get dms

Student: Tell me you’re kidding. Tell me you did not find my house by looking at snap maps. YOU HAVE MY ADDRESS!!!

Student: Hey you lived in Africa right? Does that mean you can say the n word?

Student: Someone threatened to open up my chest, piss in it, and close it back up.

Student: For how good I am at catching feelings, you’d think I’d be better at sports.

Student 1: I’m a Taurus. Student 2: I thought you were gay.

Student: So if I ate a tide pod then ate a t-shirt what would happen?

Student: Buddhism is just a series of vibe checks until eventually one works.

Student: why does bugs bunny have so much cleavage??

Student: Don’t underestimate snoopy you fucking heathen.

Teacher: So what you’re saying is when the okay boomer generation dies we won’t be racist anymore?

Student: Venus is in retrograde and that’s why Im not dealing with your bullshit.

Student: What is wrong with you. No sincerely. What made you think that eating a green banana is okay.

Teacher: You know Up? In the movie there’s this dog and when he’s talking then he’ll turn and say squirrel. That’s like me. I think I have adhd.

Student: you absolute tea drinking taxes liberal.

Student 1: if you see my cat run. She’s psycho. Student 2: Can I run her over with my tires?

Student 1: I will drive us through the gates of Shaw and into the water. Student 2: I hope we blow up underwater.

Student 1: Juxpositioning my rain boots with my lingerie. Student 2: those rhyme. Wait no they don’t!

Student: when he says he has a tenor recorder, but really we all know he only has a soprano recorder.

Student 1: you’re shoelaces are untied Student 2: I know. I hope I trip on it and die. Student 3:I felt that

Student: Every time I see a 9/11 ad I always pretend to have a panic attack.

Students chanting: Eat the rich. Eat the rich. Student 2: Rich, more like Bitch.

Student 1: UWU I’m going to lock you in my gas chamber Student 2: Primes flame thrower UWU

Student: I’m not Like other girls. I die on command

Studrnt1: Turkey bitch Student 2: she just called you a turkey bitch Student 1: yes you specifically are a Turkey bitch

Student: I will eat a bitches dick. Gobble gobble motherfucker.

Student 1: he opens my snaps in 10 seconds Student 2: that’s love

Student 1: My for you page is almost exclusively gays, theatre, and Percy Jackson at this point. Student 2: Those are all the same thing basically.

Student: I would have kicked so much ass freshman year if I wasn’t depressed.

Student: Navy blue is the white kid who thinks he can say the n word of the color world. He thinks that he’s black.

Student: Your nose hairs look fragrant. Would you mind if I took a taste?

Student: Boxed water tastes like what I imagine trader joes to taste like as a water.

Student: The water from Moana would be a gentle lover.

Student: we feast tonight brother. I found this in the trash can.

Student: Okay, but I cry myself to sleep BETTER than you.

Student: Can you Venmo me some titties please?

Girl holding hands with another girl: It’s a good thing we’re dating otherwise this’d be pretty gay.

Student 1: I just wanted to know if you knew Lincoln personally. Teacher: What? Student 2: We think you’re a time traveler.

Student 1: Sweetie, you’re having a breakdown over rocks. Student 2: I really hate that class!!!

Student: I love being the joker when we play chess

Student: are you saying that you finger fuck your eurethra?

Student 1: Honestly sometimes I just go onto that lofi hip hop radio, beats to relax/study to thing and just get into a fight with someone in the comment section. It’s fantastic. Student 2: Sometimes they do give good advice though, once I asked if I should ask out this guy and they responded with “No, guys ain’t shit” and I was like “aight you right, you right” Student 3: Sometimes it gets weird though, like once I went on and everyone was talking about how sex and money have become the new gods of our time, and how someday a future generation will die without ever seeing the light of the sun. Student 1: Okay but are they wrong though?

Student: It doesn’t matter if you’re a boy or a girl or something in between or something else entirely. A bitch is a bitch, and you sir, are a bitch.

Student 1: so last night I killed and area few of your kids, I hope you don’t mind. Student 2: nah I don’t really care.

Student: what size pussy your phone got?

Student 1: I listen to songs about Greek gods and being polyamorous Student 2: I listen to songs about... smashing.

Student: Motzarella cheese is the pastel pink of the cheese world.

Student: Someone who can bench press 200 has nothing on someone that can just double fist eat Costco sized pound blocks of cheddar cheese.

Student: I will drag you down to hell and make the devil give you therapy so help me. Student: You see, we don’t conjugate words in English, much less math.

Students: well the thing about gamers is, you know they’re good with their hands.

Student: Oka first of all, we’re all on the same planet, so that’s already real small. Then, what are the chances that we were born the same species, like I could have been born a platypus. I could have been a mealworm. Then the chances that we’re in the same country then the same state then the same school like damn. Imma just vibe now.

Student 1: You’re built like a baked bean Student 2: IDK why that hurt me so much but it did.

Student: If I don’t get a hug in the next 10 minus, I’m going directly to the pentagon to tell Trump to suck my dick.

[wildshadowtamer]

A Not-so Normal Day

King is created by @vex-bittys, Flare is made by @dawnsbitties, Payt is by @toxious-bitties, Mono is by @mythical-adoptions, Twister and Blueberry Puffs are made by @selkiesbittybonanza and Drop is by @meadowlarkkitties. Echo, Shadow, Wild and Blue King are all by Me.

Also, @wonderland-isles made the vitamin crystals, tysm.

Warnings: Bitty harm, Gore, Guns and Death.

It started off as any normal day in the Shadow household would: King waking up at 5am to do housework, wake everyone up and at 6am, send the kids to school.

It was currently 6am, so Echo and Shadow, King's owner, were taking the younger kids to school while the teens walked. The Bitties were typically homeschooled or adults already, so King tended to take care of that.

Just as King and Flare were washing the last of the breakfast dishes up, there was a knock on the door, not exactly unusual but not common on a Thursday morning. "Payt, Be a gentleman and open the door, would you sweetie?" King called over his shoulder at his lover, Payt, a 10ft horrortale papyrus 'bitty.'

"K!" Payt got up from the dining table and slithered to open the door "Oh, Hi Wild!" King heard Payt exclaim from the front door, he smiled and wiped his hands on a tea towel before making his way to Wild, his owner's oldest biological son.

"Hey, guys! Wanted to come by and help you out a bit, I've brought my boys with me too!" He explained happily, more cheery than usual "Oh! Well come on in, make yourself at home!" Payt slithered to the side, so Wild could get in.

"Aw, hey" King looked down at Wild's bitties, a Honey Fold and a Dealer Bitty: The Dealer was named Mono and the Honey Fold was called Drop, they didn't come around often, but it was a pleasure to see them again.

"So, How're things going with that mission of yours?" Payt asked, sitting down on the opposite couch to Wild, Flare slithered in and settled next to the two lamias

"Pretty good actually! Went to that Sanctuary last week and helped out with sewing and fixing some bitty ladders, found some wild bitties in my  back garden, so I left some water and food out for them and adopted these guys!" He stroked Drop, who leaned against him and purred quietly.

"Wow, you're sounding more and more like Mom every day," Flare commented, laying against King lazily "Heh, what can I say, I love bitties." Wild shrugged and grinned, his blue goggles tinting his natural eye colour to a sort of purple "Gotta rescue the ones I can, right?" He rested his arms on his lap and held his head in one hand

"You're a real hero, kid." King couldn't help but feel proud of this kid, despite the fact he's only known him for about 3 months, it made his soul feel happy to see his owner's kid be so into saving his kind.

---------------------------

A Few Hours Later. . .

"Well, I must be going, gotta go into the city soon to grab some items for Shadow" King mentioned, getting up and slithering over to the door "Ok, we can take care of things here for a while!" Wild called after him as he closed the door and headed off to the city, which was a long walk considering they lived in the middle of a forest, but he doesn't mind exercise anyway.

It must have taken about 20 minutes to walk to the city usually, but thankfully King had a trick up his sleeve, Shadow had given everyone a teleporter gem in case they needed to go somewhere emergency or not, so he simply teleported over to the city centre and headed to the nearby's farmers market.

Sadly, he didn't make it far as he was dragged into an alleyway, where a gang of thugs pinned him to the wall "woah, HEY! LET GO OF-" He managed to punch one of them in the face and loomed over them in his full 7ft height, hood up aggressively.

The Head of the Gang laughed "Oh, you made a bad choice in doing that!" He grinned evilly and a second King tackled him to the ground, it soon became a struggle of red and white, blood splattering on the cold floor "GET 'EM BOYS!" The head yelled as the second King, whose shirt said 'Scarface', pinned him to the wall and about 10 Thugs started slashing at him aggressively, he struggled and tried to fight back, but Scarface was too strong, and he couldn't move without getting hit.

The Audible sound of his HP lowering echoed through the alleyway, and he eventually his survival instincts kicked in, and he lunged at Scarface, knocking him to the ground and whipping anyone in the way of his tail as he attempted to tackle the Leader, only to get interrupted by a blur of blue and white as something shoved the four thugs in front of him to the ground. He was fuelled purely by instinct and rage, he saw red, he felt safe with this stranger, so they both started fighting off the other thugs back-to-back, getting badly cut and bruised in the process.

And then...

BANG.

A gunshot went off.

King yelled in pain and jumped at the person who shot him, the Leader, and bit down on him as hard as he could. The Leader struggled and screamed in pain as the venom joined his bloodstream, but his moving was only making his time alive shorter and more painful.

And then-

BANG

another gunshot.

The Helpful lamia hissed loudly and jumped the two that shot him, knocking them unconscious quickly, both of them were bleeding badly now, cuts up and down their body, shirts torn and showing their bleeding arms and spines. Now, all the thugs were unconscious or had run away, and the Leader was writhing in pain as he slowly went still and died.

As for Scarface, he had fled when the first gunshot went off, nowhere to be seen. Only now did King get to see what the second lamia looked like: a blue scaled King-like lamia with no pattern on his hood.

Although, this didn't last long as the Blue King slithered a bit forward and fell unconscious, to which King managed to catch him at the last moment before he cracked his head on the floor

"Damn it..." King thought, putting an arm around the stranger and lifting him up, he grabbed the teleporter gem that had fallen to the ground in the fight and quickly teleported as close to home as he could.

He was teleported a bit away from the house, and his entire body felt heavy and painful, despite this, he continued to the house, feeling the strangers tail drag behind him.

He eventually shouldered the door open and muttered "Wild. Here. Now." before collapsing onto the floor.

-------------

"Wild. Here. Now" was all Wild heard before a thud came from the living room, he hurried in and saw King bloody and broken on the ground with a similar bluer stranger next to him, his stomach dropped.

"PAYT, FLARE, GET HERE NOW!" Wild yelled, starting to tear up as he paced back and forth, knowing he couldn't lift the two 7ft lamias on his own.

Both of them quickly hurried down and carried them onto the couch, stripping them of their shirts and hurrying off to grab bandages and medicine.

Thankfully, all the other bitties were upstairs, so nobody had to see the bloody messes that were the Kings.

Payt came rushing in and started bandaging King up, wiping down the wounds before-hand, tears ran down his face as Payt watched his mate so hurt.

Flare followed soon behind with Twister in tow and did the same for the blue King, everyone was extremely panicked but tried to keep the situation quiet. Wild was pacing back and forth with his head in his hands, crying through all of it.

----------------

About 3 Hours Later. . .

King and the stranger were bandaged up, and Everyone was starting to calm down, Shadow was at work currently, and nobody wanted her to stress out enough to rush home, so they just decided to keep quiet.

"....T-Twister, What'd you think that blue King is?" Flare asked quietly, sitting opposite to the two unconscious lamias "He looks like a Blueberry Puff King hybrid, H-Honestly." He answered quietly, visibly rather shaken.

"Well, If he doesn't have an owner, I'll take him in," Wild told them sternly, his goggles laying next to him, so his blood-red, crimson eyes shone with pure determination "I don't know what happened to them, but I'm not letting it happen again." He added firmly, stifling a sob.

"Looks like he's gonna be alright though, some permanent scars to his ribs, spine and his eye but...They'll both pull through." Payt confirmed confidently, still shaking but trying to keep calm.

"When I find the man who hurt my brother-" Wild snarled, fury filling his eyes, Flare put a hand on his shoulder "Trust me, all of us want to do the same but we can't. If anyone got into a fight with King, their probably dead anyway." He patted Wilds back and sighed.

--------------------------

That was yesterday, both of them are slowly recovering, and everyone is calming down, but Wild refuses to leave until both are better, so he's staying in his old room for the time being. I've given both boys some vitamin crystals to help, but that's all I can do currently.

[alittletournesol]

Sing Your Soul {JongKey} part 5/6

Part 5

The ovation wasn’t as loud as in some stadium during a worldwide sports event, but the few applauses whose sound resounded in the bar were more than enough for Jinki’s smile to enlighten his features. He was rarely performing more than two new songs every time he was to be the artist of the night at the Blue Night, yet he always recognized some regular customers who showed no boredom in listening to the same pieces over again.

Respectfully, he bowed for as long as he was celebrated and when he straightened up while approaching his mic from his lips, all hands ceased their clapping. It was like everyone was already prepared to hang on his every word even before a first sound escaped his mouth.

“Thank you for listening to me, I hope you enjoyed the new song.” The singer said, smiling and his eyes travelling to meet every face in the audience. “You will have the opportunity to hear it again and as much as you wish to, in a few weeks when my next work will be released.”

As he was speaking a bit more about the aforesaid song, the lyrics and their thematic, rhythm, meaning… Kibum got his attention drew to his left, where Jonghyun was sitting and staring at the artist on stage. His eyes were literally shining and his lips half open as he focused on the explanations, sometimes mouthing a wow and nodding when he felt some words. The event planner couldn’t help but smile with pride as he realized what a good idea he had to make the blonde man come that evening.

“Unfortunately, I have been asked to keep my other songs secret until the release.” Jinki ended up confessing, earning a few whines. “I’m just as disappointed as you are, obviously, but although I don’t have anything left to sing for tonight… I would like to offer you a surprise. Actually, I’m not offering, more proposing an alternative that I think will impress you.”

“And before our artist’s clumsiness spoils everything, let’s take a short break to get ourselves prepared.” Minho suddenly climbed the stage to stand up by his boyfriend’s side, a second mic in hands. “I see some glasses are empty, please allow me to come take your next orders and feel free to use this pause to use the smoking room.”

Once he finished his speech, the bartender switched both mics off and went to pull the curtain himself to hide the stage for the time of break. Customers started chatting or stood up to go take a smoke or just breathe some fresh air in the back street of the bar. Minho was quick to come back and before he went back to work with clearing and new orders, he waved towards his best friend and showed the small, hidden backstage, mouthing something.

Kibum had always been good at reading on one’s lips despite his work mostly consisting in phone calls ; he got the information right away and stood up, gently tapping the subway singer’s shoulder to quietly tell him to follow. The latter didn’t wait to be asked twice and wove in and out between the tables and standing people, his eyes never leaving the silhouette leading him. In his chest, his heart was beating faster with each step he took until he found himself behind the stage’s wall.

It was long and narrow, certainly the entire length of the bar’s wall, but a couple of lamps lit a comfortable double sofa, a tea table and all electric boxes and cables. Eyeing everything, Jonghyun eventually noticed Jinki who stood up from his seat and walked towards him with a reassuring smile.

“So, tell me.” He said, crossing his arms above his chest. “Did you choose your songs since the break ?”

“I think I have a lot that can fit tonight’s atmosphere, yes.” The blonde singer nodded but his nervousness was noticeable in the way he scratched his nape while talking. “Though I don’t want to steal your spotlight or something.”

“Man, my part is done tonight, so take the damn spotlight. Will you sing covers or…?”

“One cover, but actually I compose songs so I thought I might give a try to two of them. If I can ?”

“Of course you can, you can do whatever you want on stage. We gotta work on that self confidence of yours, huh ?”

“I’m on it.” Kibum spoke in, winking at Jonghyun when the latter looked at him and smiled in return. “Do you think Ming will like him enough to hire him ?”

“He’s clearly going to pretend thinking, considering, all that business man’s stuff… but trust me, he already got the papers ready.”

“Really ?” The subway singer raised his eyebrows, honestly surprised. “You’re kidding, he didn’t hear me sing yet !”

“You will learn that Minho is someone who hides his thoughts and emotions, even the positive ones.” The event planner smiled. “But first of all, he watched those videos of you I sent to him and allowed me to find you. He drove me to your subway station himself, on last Sunday, but he couldn’t make it to Yongsan with me.”

“He entrusted you with finding me and bringing me here ?”

“Second thing to know about him.” The eldest man snorted. “He can’t refuse anything if it comes either from me or Kibum. And we both stood up for you so he got defeated.”

“That totally sounds like a scheme.”

“Yeah right ? Now it’s your part, I’ll take your seat !”

With one last wink and thumb up, Jinki wished the other singer good luck and disappeared in the audience, leaving both Kibum and him alone and quiet. The younger man’s eyes shifted as soon as they locked gazes and he pretended to check something on the electric box — though he didn’t understand a single connection in this thing. But the silence quickly went awkward and when Jonghyun cleared his throat, he had no choice but look up and talk.

“So… you’re ready ?” He asked. “It’s not completely like a station but it shouldn’t feel that different, right ?”

“Every place conveys a different feeling, I can sense these things.” The blonde singer smiled. “But I like it here, though I feel on the nerves, you know…”

“Stage fright ?”

“I guess so, I mean, they’re here to listen. In a station, I’m mostly a background noise except for the few people who stop for a minute to focus a bit more on me. They don’t come to listen to me but to take their train, while here…”

“Maybe you feel like you’re a background noise, but people remember you. I wouldn’t have been able to find you if it hadn’t been for this little girl to know your name and her mother to know where you sing. I’m sure they’re not the only ones who know about the white haired guy who sings at Sindang. You were being noticed, now you will be listened to.”

“Can I ask you something ?”

“Sure.”

“The other time, you told me I moved you. Among all my songs you’ve heard, could it be at the stations or in these videos… is there one that moved you more than others ?”

Kibum cocked an eyebrow, he hadn’t expected this question and hadn’t really thought of ranking the songs he had heard. He didn’t even know the titles and was unable to humming them even if he wanted to — he was too scared of ruining it in front of its creator. Instead, he grabbed his phone and opened his favourite app, tapping the screen until it opened a folder of saved posts with a musical note emoji as its title.

He scrolled a bit and his thumb stopped, seemed to hesitate between two videos, and Jonghyun noticed his trouble. As he approached, the other man turned his phone towards him and eventually showed him both. 

“This one was the one you were singing when I saw you the first time and it’s stuck in my mind since then.” The brown haired man said, his voice surprisingly low and his eyes still on the screen. “But I like this one too. Do they have titles ?”

“Of course, the first one is MONO-Drama, it’s a particular one.” Jonghyun answered before the tip of his finger selected the second video. “And this one is Beautiful Tonight, you can hear me sing it.”

“Yeah, that’s true. I like Beautiful Tonight more, it has something special that speaks to me, I couldn’t say why.”

“I see. You saved a lot of videos, I didn’t know I got filmed so much.”

“You never looked for yourself on social media ?”

“I don’t really use social media.”

“You wh—”

“Sorry to interrupt you, but the show will resume soon.” A voice caught their attention and they met with Minho who had his head coming out from behind the wall. “Time to get on stage.”

The bartender disappeared as fast as he had shown up and both men left their conversation on hold as Kibum led Jonghyun to the stage, even joining him there to adjust the mike for him. Within the few minutes the customers took to find their seat back, the blonde man grabbed the high stool that was leaning against the wall, since his predecessor preferred standing. He slowly pulled the synth closer to him and connected his music player to it, opening a playlist of three instrumental songs.

While the event planner made sure the instrument and the sounds control console were linked up, he asked the other man if he needed anything more. He could already hear his best friend drawing the audience’s attention for the last, exclusive part of that evening. The confident smile on Jonghyun’s lips was enough of an answer and Kibum raised his fist to wish him good luck, before he walked down the stage and discreetly joined his seat.

From behind the curtain, the blonde singer took a short moment to regulate his breathing, closing his eyes and focusing on his lungs filling and emptying themselves until the sensation of all his organs quivering stopped. When he heard people applauding, he looked up and waited for the large piece of fabric to be pulled to the side, revealing the dozen of tables being now in the dark as the lights were all on him. 

They were all looking at him and he scanned the whole room until his eyes met with a familiar face, the event planner smiling at him and nodding to give him strength. Returning the smile, Jonghyun eventually leaned on to have his lips closer to the mike.

“Good evening, my name is Kim Jonghyun.” He said, and his smooth talking voice already prepared everyone for what would come next. “I’m gladly standing, or should I say, sitting in front of you tonight to introduce you a few of my works. Before starting, I would like to thank the owner of this beautiful place for letting me in, and for Lee Jinki who you heard previously, for proposing me to come on stage after him. I will do my best to be worthy of this spot he was standing on earlier. Please welcome me well.”

He shyly smiled when the audience applauded once more to salute his speech and encourage him, and straightened up while pulling the mike, clearing his throat and pressing the play button on the synth. A melody immediately resounded in the loudspeakers and faces lit up as it was extremely recognizable to most of customers ; smiles appeared and some even whispered to each other as they enjoyed the surprise.

“I will start with a cover of a song that is really a favourite of mine.” The singer said before he playfully smiled. “Let’s try not to ruin it.” 

No sooner said than done, Jonghyun’s fingers closed on the mike and his voice started following the instrumental. He had chosen to perform a cover to let people get used to his so uncommon timbre, and the song he was singing was indeed one he held dear in his heart. He was a romantic person, and the lyrics inspired him on writing his own ; the story of a man who was in love with a woman but feared her turning his confession down. As he longed for her, he experienced insomnias filled with endless thoughts and worries.

The song’s rhythm alternated between low and high pitches, but Kibum found himself impressed by how the singer handled these changes smoothly, with no apparent effort. Even the way he managed to give the same emotional vibe but with a different colour, his colour, during the chorus, gave shivers to everyone. Could it be when he willingly broke his voice on certain words to give the impression of being breathless, or when his throat vibrated as he held a note on the word insomnia, everything was beautiful.*

It was the first time the event planner heard him sing a song he already knew, and it had nothing to do with when you sing your favorite song while showering ; it was mastered, from vocals to emotions.

“Thank you for listening.” Jonghyun eventually said, making the brown haired man realise he was done with the song as soft applauses welcomed his performance. “I could say this song is the one that made me want to sing, and more than that, to try writing and composing my own songs. I still lack a lot but I hope you will enjoy the next song, which is my own creation.”

Bowing his head, the blonde singer sat better in front of the synth and arranged the mike horizontally so he could use his hands on the keys. As he pressed play on the second piece, the distant sound of rain falling slowly raised from the loudspeakers, until customers made out what sounded like a repetitive ringtone. Before their surprise had time to reduce, a melody started while the man’s voice came out, yet not from his mouth ; it was like the phone had been picked up and he was the one talking. 

One could only hear his voice, not the other person’s, the conversation about Jonghyun being on his way to join his friends for a drink after work. After a last ok, it was like the phone got hung up and the man started singing for real, while his fingers were gently hitting the synth’s keys to accompany the instrumental. And just then, with the only power of his voice and lyrics, he told a story of his own to every single soul in the room, his timbre fitting so much to the sweetness of his words.

Meeting friends, drinking and laughing as they reminisced their friendship. The curious but familiar way they became kids again, whenever they made time in their respective schedules to gather all together and talk… it was all about remembering and making new memories in a comfortable atmosphere, their heart warming up thanks to this moment of reunion just as their body heating up because of alcohol.

While he listened just as everyone else, Kibum had his eyes staring at Jonghyun’s facial expressions ; it wasn’t just any story, it could only be his. Through a song, he was talking about his late night meetings with longstanding friends who grew up together, getting together for a drink. It was so noticeable on his features that he was feeling every single word he sang, that every sentence every question intended for a friend had once been told in real life. The atmosphere of this moment was conveyed through the rhythm and the tone, making the audience immerse in it with him.

And as if he wanted to confirm his every questioning gaze, the song ended on another distant conversation, as if coming from a phone again. This time, it wasn’t him talking to a friend, but a record of several voices chatting all together that continued for a few seconds even after the instrumental stopped. The last sound they heard was cheering, clinking soju glasses.*

“Cheers.” Jonghyun eventually said as he pretended to raise a glass, drawing a few smiles in the audience and some even responded to his gesture before drinking. “You know this feeling, right ? I hope you liked it. Shall we go with the last song ? Someone here heard it already and appreciates it, so let’s dedicate it to this person, hmm ? Let’s go.”

Kibum got startled when he caught the blonde man glancing at him when talking about the person who knew his next song. But it was quite brief, just quick enough for him to understand he was this person, what made him blush and shyly smile as he focused even more. Jonghyun pressed play for the last time that evening, but he didn’t show any intention to accompany the melody again ; instead, he removed the mike from its stand and brought it to his lips, while crossing his legs.

It was clear that the new instrumental had been made with a synth, with the piano’s sounds modified to give a different vibe. It was a steady, regular rhythm that introduced a peaceful atmosphere, it made one want to take a calm walk on it. When the singer opened his mouth to tell another story, the message seemed to have changed ; it wasn’t a friends topic anymore but about a man taking the woman he loves home, and willingly saving time on their way to stay with her longer.

This time, it was like Jonghyun was talking to the woman herself, his voice more whispering than singing, low and gentle, soft and intimate. But the story was short, as he eventually started repeating the same words, beautiful tonight and oh say, accompanying them with slow whistles.

A smile was drawn on his lips for a second, disallowing him to properly whistle and forcing him to get himself together, when he noticed that after a few times, some customers had their lips shaped in a o as if whistling with him. Some others were slowly moving their head on the piercing yet soft sound’s rhythm, and it filled his heart with joy… especially when his eyes fell on Kibum, who was part of this second type of listeners. The latter smiled at the blonde and slowly nodded, quietly notifying him of how well he was doing. 

A song had never seemed so short, but when it ended, Jonghyun’s disappointment was quickly replaced with gratefulness as he bowed his head, people applauding and even standing for some. He kept his head lowered as he stood himself to bow even more, and he joined his hands together when straightening up, his eyes shining while he couldn’t realise what he had just done. Even when Minho climbed on stage and politely took the mike to announce the end of the small concert, he only had eyes for whoever was in front of him.

He didn’t notice the curtain being pulled in front of him, and the last thing he saw before he needed to sit backstage for a moment, was Kibum still standing and applauding without ceasing to look at him. 

_________________

“They want to hear more stories.”

Jonghyun didn’t even hear the bartender as his eyes were stuck to the guest book that had been filled by almost all customers who had attended that evening’s concert. It was an usual thing, he had been told, and really dear to Minho : on every Wednesday, he would place this book in front of the bar’s door, on a music stand, for people to leave their impressions about the performances they had heard. 

Sometimes it was just a short message of congratulations, but there also were talkative ones with personal thoughts on a song they liked better, praises and promises to come again… though this time, it seemed Jinki had been quite forgotten, for almost all words were intended for the new blonde artist with a silky voice. It was unbelievable and the concerned man was unable to talk.

“Oh, look there.” Taemin said as he pointed at a message. “See hyung, someone mentioned you before praising him. Here, at the beginning.”

“I still have one fan here, thank God.” Jinki heartily laughed. “Though I understand them, I rarely heard something as beautiful as what you offered tonight, man.”

“They really… liked me ?” Jonghyun eventually asked, looking up and his eyes looking for any form of assent from any of the four men surrounding him. “I mean, I felt that they were liking the songs but… the messages are all about me, they call me an artist…?”

“I told you you would be listened to and not remain a background noise.” Kibum smiled. “To think you rejected me at first ! I know how to recognize potential when I see it.”

“Come on dude, it’s no time to praise yourself.” Minho rolled his eyes and paid attention to the blonde man. “They really liked you, and your songs. Some were event disappointed that you couldn’t sing more, they told me themselves when coming to the counter to pay.”

The subway singer stood gaping for a moment, before he leaned against the sofa’s backrest. He didn’t know what to think nor what to say, too many things were happening in his mind right now, and he was feeling like his chest was going to explode. 

“I think tonight might not be a good moment to talk business.” The bartender ended up saying, slowly taking the book back and standing up. “What about we meet tomorrow when I close and discuss your next performance ?”

“My… my next performance ?” Jonghyun repeated, looking at the tall man. “Do you want me to come back ?”

“And I will pay you for it. Customers liked you, and I can’t deny you’ve got a real talent, also you’ve got three men right there who will drown me in the Han river if I don’t hire you right now.”

“I can’t believe it…”

“That’s why I suggest you to come back tomorrow to talk about it with a clear head. But if you want to, consider yourself hired already. Our next three Wednesdays are booked already but if you can wait, I will make sure you get the one after. That leaves you almost a month to prepare, sounds good ?”

“Sounds damn good. Where do I sign ?”

Both laughed and exchanged an enthusiastic handshake, under the extremely content stare of the three other men. Kibum was the proudest, standing with his arms crossed to give himself a nonchalant attitude, but deep inside, he was feeling all excited. Although he knew Minho couldn’t refuse him anything, he couldn’t say he would have hired Jonghyun if it hadn’t been for the latter to have potential.

The Blue Night’s owner only hired artists. And the event planner had brought him one he would never regret hiring.

___________

to be continued

[haikyuu-imagines-and-others]

Hi there! I read your spin the bottle scenarios and they were pretty good, I was wondering if you could write spin the bottle with Tsukishima and/or Kuroo please? Thanks in advance :D

Lol tbh I laughed at “they were pretty good” bc tbh that’s how I feel about all my writing in general lol! Thank you love! And thanks for participating in the event! :D -Admin Satori

Tsukishima Kei: Spin the Bottle

You’d made it absolutely clear, absolutely and positively clear, that the only reason you’d shown up to this house party of drunk, horny, college kids…. Was because you knew your crush would be there.

Why he would be there, you had no inkling of a clue - but you had heard from your best friend, who was pretty much bosom buddies with his best friend…. That Tsukishima would be here.

That didn’t make the experience any less…. tiresome.

Legal college kids drinking and playing silly drinking games, increasing the amount of liquid courage in their veins before doing whatever it was they’d wanted to do while sober - which most of the time ended up being confessing or kissing someone they liked.

Not you, though. Not Tsukishima either.

Sure, you’d had a drink or two, but you had a high tolerance. He’d had one…. He had a low tolerance, so he’d stopped after that. You wondered how he’d act if he were under the influence of alcohol? Would he be more outgoing? Would his sour attitude transfer over into the freeing feeling of being drunk? Or tipsy?

The questions swirling in your head halted abruptly as you were pulled down into a circled group, sitting almost directly across from …. The center of your thoughts. His golden eyes met yours for a split second before he was looking elsewhere.

Tsukishima was a guy of few words - the few words spared were usually laced with poison or ice… but honestly, you’d never felt the sting of his words… Probably because you’d only talked to him a few times, and even then it was general things about classes shared or projects due… Safe subjects.

So his brief glance your way didn’t feel out of place at all.

What did feel out of place, though, was his attendance to this… game. Spin the Bottle? Tsukishima voluntarily playing Spin the Bottle? The two concepts didn’t seem to match up in any way, yet here he was. Very real, very sour, and very much in front of you… sorta.

Yamaguchi, his best friend you sort of knew through your best friend, sat beside him with an embarrassed smile. HIs brown eyes seemed to be glancing over between Tsukishima and you before landing on your best friend with a pointed look.

Were….. Were you being set up?

Before you could really put those puzzle pieces together, the game began. You recognized a few of the young men from Tsukishima’s volleyball team - Yamaguchi, Hinata, Kageyama…. But most of the other young men.. You couldn’t place.. There was a tall young man with silver hair and green eyes - and a young guy who looked like he had…. Well… the ‘Vegeta’ hair, all spiked up. A bowl cut kid who looked both excited and nervous and a really tall guy with a literal ‘3’ mouth. Was he an actual emoji? The girls present were a few familiar faces - You knew Yachi and your best friend, there was a few girls from some of your classes, a few from your best friends sorority.

Around and around the bottle went, your eyes glancing between it’s spinning, pointing end to the target of your interest. To say Tsukishima looked disinterested would be an overwhelming understatement. He looked bored out of his mind, golden eyes watching the bottle, turning his head the slightest whenever someone came in for a kiss when he was pointed at. No kisses to his lips - he didn’t want anything to do with this game….

So why did he stay?

Finally it was your turn. You’d been kissed on the lips, cheek, nose, and forehead… Finding each kiss a little… awkward and embarrassing. When it’d been Tsukishima’s turn, you’d held your breath only to let it out in a quiet huff when he’d kissed your best friends cheek. Innocent enough, but the jealousy boiled within you.

But it was your turn, and you wasted no time in spinning the bottle, watching it intensely and willing your choice into its glass - it’d better choose him, or you’d chuck it off the goddamn balcony.

Your best friend watched you with an amused smile, feeling your need washing off of you in waves - practically drowning her and Yamaguchi in how absolutely obvious you were in your wants. But she wondered if you’d even considered…. Would Tsukishima let you, a mere acquaintance, kiss him?

Slowly, the bottle clinked to a snails pace spin…. Pointing at Tsukishima.

Your eyes met his and your stomach flipped - were you nervous? Scared? Excited? You honestly had no idea, but even as the bottle completely stopped… You didn’t make a single move. It wasn’t because you found him intimidating - it wasn’t because you found him unapproachable…..

It was because… You didn’t want to be rejected like everyone else.

“Well? Hurry up. I wanna spin next and get Tadashi~.” Your best friend cooed over at the freckled boy, giggling when his face immediately flushed. “Cute~…”

A blond eyebrow raised at you before he was leaning forward, towards you, initiating the endgame of a spun bottle. Like he had for all the others, there was no difference in his movements to indicate he’d be different for you… That you’d get the prize you really wanted.

With a cold pit in your stomach, you leaned forward - your eyes slowly closing as you grew closer and closer to him. He’d be the one to decide.

Tsukishima watched your eyes close as you grew closer - finding your trust in him and his decision a little…. Too soon? A little naive but… He smirked as he leaned closer…. Cute. He pressed his lips against the corner of yours - teasing you with the real deal, just giving you a minor taste of what he could possibly offer you.

And you knew without a doubt that’s what he was doing.

The bliss of his teasing kiss was shadowed by the overwhelming, absolute fond irritation of his teasing you to begin with.

So as he pulled away, your eyes slowly opened - feigning innocence as he stared down at you with a smirk firmly plastered on his face. Though his golden eyes were trained on your face, on your reaction, and failed to notice your hand moving up from where you were holding yourself up on the floor.

Then your hand was gripping his sweater and pulling him closer before he pulled too far away, “You’re a tease….” Your lips were a hairs length away from his - he could feel your lips move against his as if you were really kissing him… But you weren’t…. And the tease of an almost kiss had his heart hammering in his chest. “I like that….” You smirked before letting go of his sweater and sitting back down beside your friend.

“Oooooooh~ Why don’t you two get a room~?”

“Ah Tsuki~! Met your match?”

His golden eyes stared at you, his eyebrows slightly furrowed to display his utter disbelief in your…. Surprising power play. Usually he was the one left teasing, the one to play hard to get… and yet….

Tsukishima’s slightly parted lips slowly upturned into a smirk, of respect or of an accepted challenge? You weren’t sure… But the anticipation was absolutely killing you.

Kuroo Tetsurou: Spin the Bottle

“Around around the bottle goes, pointing at its target, around around the bottle turns… Welp, now you’ve got mono.”

“That didn’t rhyme whatsoever… You know that right?”

Kuroo pursed his lips as he leaned back in the circle, “Jokes on you… No one said it would.”

Matsukawa’s deadpan expression clearly showed his disbelief, “You were obviously trying to go with the ‘pop goes the weasel’ tune….” Kuroo shook his head with a shrug, “And you failed…. hard.”

Nodding in agreement, you spun the bottle, “Mono, mono, mono, mono!” You chanted in feigned excitement - shaking your fisted hands up and down as if you were betting on a roulette table. Sugawara joined you, chanting the same bet with the same movements.

Slowly the bottle slowed to point at Daichi, who blushed deeply, “I don’t want mono…” His voice was serious enough to have you snickering.

“Hmm, I wouldn’t mind it - Sa’mura.” The sly cat’s voice called from around the lip of a bottle he was polishing off.

You stopped leaning towards Daichi at Kuroo offering to take the fall… not only at his offer, really, but also because Kuroo had almost immediately leaned in front of Daichi as if he were taking a bullet for him.

He’d been chasing you for the better part of the year. But you’d always managed to brush off his advances. Slip through his fingers. Dance just at the edge of his reach… And he only seemed to chase you harder and harder. Trying to keep up with your pace as you so easily avoided all his courting.

It’s not because you didn’t find him attractive or interesting. It’s not because it was obnoxiously obvious how badly he wanted to even have a single conversation with you. It wasn’t even because you constantly threw the excuse of ‘not being ready for a relationship’ back at him every time the two of you were left alone.

Nope.

You just liked toying with him.

So when he went to take the bullet of your ‘mono’ infested kiss for Daichi, you simply smirked and leaned back to sit down once more, “Sorry~. They’re non transferrable.”

“Not even if I sign over the right to the kiss?” Daichi asked from behind Kuroo’s now deflating chest, another attempt thwarted once more having his familiar sour expression showing itself.

You shook your head with a teasing smile, “Nope. Sorry, Dai. You’re destined for mono.”

Sugawara scowled, though there was a smile struggling to remain hidden behind it, “I really hope you don’t have mono, ________. You should probably go to see the doctor or something.” Though he knew you were joking around, the idea of something so contagious during a kissing game being passed around…. Was kind of…. horrible.

“If you don’t want mono, don’t play the game, man.” Bokuto’s voice called from the kitchen - he was busy ‘making sure the pizza didn’t burn’. There was a timer. There was a sound with the timer…. And yet… he absolutely refused to move from the kitchen.

A laugh escaped you, “Kitchen dwellers have no voice in this game!” You called back, snickering when his loud whine reached your ears.

Daichi raised his finger to gain anyone’s attention, “Raincheck on the kiss…Don’t want to take any chances.”

The clinking of the bottle had your attention moving from Daichi’s proposal to the hand that finally took their turn. Kuroo smirked as the bottle spun and spun, “Around and around the bottle goes-“

“It doesn’t rhyme!” You cried out with a laugh.

“-pointing at its target-“

No stopping him. There was no winning.

Well… There was.

Your hand rested on the bottle, stopping it from spinning anymore, “Oh my god… Look it’s pointing at Asahi, give him a kiss.”

The gentle giant started with wide eyes, holding up his hands as he leaned away from the group - having just joined to listen in on the conversation, “O-oh… Uh… N-no thank you.”

A large hand rested on yours on the bottle, “No cheating, _______.” Kuroo smirked, “Scared it’ll land on you and you’ll have to kiss me? Give me your mono?” You pursed your lips with squinted eyes as you watched him lean closer and closer to you, his golden eyes intense as he continued to hammer in his questions. “You find me that repulsive, huh? Some gross, greasy, slick alley cat?” You scrunched your nose, your lips twitching as you forced yourself not to break your expression to show your amusement at his obvious joking self-depreciation.

You could practically hear the rolling of Daichi’s eyes, “Just give him a date already… he hasn’t stopped talking about you since goddamn freshman year.”

That broke your expression, a smirk curling your lips as Kuroo’s cheeks tinted a light pink. “Oh~ How cute…” You teased.

“Cute? Like… Cute like a kid? Or cute as in you’ll give me a kiss because I’m so overwhelmingly adorable ‘cute’?” He challenged almost immediately, trying his hardest to get over the embarrassment of being outed so publicly.

“Oh my fucking God - Just fucking get a room already.” Bokuto called from the kitchen, having popped his head in to check on where the game was heading, if it was heading anywhere at all.

You continued to smirk, feeling Kuroo’s breath fan across your face as he neared, “Cute as in…. You’re obviously a useless top ‘cute’.” His nose scrunched, obviously not liking the response provided, “Cute as in… Maybe I should be peppering you in kisses instead of teasing you so much.”

Without looking up from her phone, Kiyoko nodded, “Maybe that will keep you both quiet for the rest of the evening.”

The atmosphere you’d been trying to hold up broke at the complete smack down Kiyoko had delivered you, making you playfully hiss as if she’’d actually hit you where you were weak. But the break in your concentration was all it took for Kuroo to take his chance.

Soft. Gentle. Surprisingly sweet. You closed your eyes at the feel of his kiss against your lips, your hands coming up to cup his face. He smiled against your lips, one of his hands laying over yours on his cheek as he leaned further into the kiss. This is what you’d been running away from? This is what you’d been missing out on?

You pulled from the kiss reluctantly, needing to catch your breath but to also be able to see his face - see his expression - drink in what giving him what he wanted would do to him. His eyes stayed closed as you pulled away, your hands still cupping his face, leaning into your touch.

Blissful. He looked absolutely blissful.

“Oh…. How very cute.” You whispered with a smile, leaning forward and kissing him sweetly once more before pushing his face away with your entire hand. “Save that for later, for sure.” You sent him a wink - feeling his anticipation, and your own, grow as each minute passed throughout the rest of the game.

Maybe playing hard to get would absolutely pay off for you.

A/N: I feel like Tsuki’s kind of matched with the other 3 I’ve done…. but Kuroo’s was way different lol like different style, more dialogue… different! lol

[housebeleren]

Throne of Eldraine New Commanders

Throne of Eldraine Standard is in full swing, and I know people are already brewing with the new Commanders, but it’s never too late to take a spin and evaluate all the goodies this set brought for the best format.

For this set, most of the Legendary Creatures are monocolor, which isn’t really my thing, but we did get the four Brawl deck Commanders as well, plus the Buy-a-Box, so there are options. Also, since Brawl is now a thing, I’ll mention my thoughts of them for both formats, and touch on the Planeswalkers at the end. Let’s start there:

Might as well start here, right? Normally I don’t love five color commanders, but this one is flavorful enough I’ll give it a pass. There’s a lot you can do here, and it should be trivial to set up some pretty absurd combos with abilities like these. I like that all the abilities can target any player, so you can play this super politically, which is how I would build it if I were to. He works for group hug, and works for combo. The versatility here makes him something very interesting, and I suspect lots of people will try variants.

For Brawl, I think if you’re not building him to be a Happily Ever After deck, what are you even doing?

Moving on to the Brawl commanders, Chulane is the most obviously busted of all of them. There’s just so much you can do with this. He draws you cards, he ramps, he allows you to reuse ETBs. In short, he does it all, and it will be absolutely trivial to create a pretty obscene Simic-based combo deck out of this. It practically screams creature storm, so... that’s a thing. If I were to build him, I’d go hard on Adventures and the “storyteller” theme, which would be jankier, but probably more fun.

In Brawl, he’s really not any less broken, given how powerful Green/Blue is in Standard right now. It’s possible in a year, after the Hydroid Krasis and Frilled Mystic rotate out this won’t be so dumb, but I’m not holding my breath.

Alela seems slightly less broken than Chulane, but that’s not saying much. There are a few ways to go about building this. The first, most obvious, and most annoying, would be to build Esper Stax, which Alela will helpfully help you break parity on by constantly churning out extra tokens. Another direction I’ve heard is Alela Anthems, which probably isn’t that good, but will certainly be funny if it works. There are a lot of good ways to build around her, and that flexibility is good. I will say, however, both Alela and Chulane come across as huge and obvious threats, so do plan for getting hated on with either of these.

The nice thing is that for Brawl, she’s way less insane, but is still really solid. She strikes me as really well balanced for the more restricted format, while still being lots of fun.

Korvold is my favorite of the four Brawl commanders (which is bizarre, given that he doens’t have Blue). What I like about him is that, while he is a clear threat, I actually think people will underestimate him a little bit more, since on the surface he looks just like a big beater. But the real power is in his card draw, and if you can get a steady stream of tokens or sac fodder out, you can draw deep into your deck really quickly. 

Of course, the “intended” direction here is to build him as the Food commander, and that is definitely a thing you can do. But there are tons of other ways to build this, with Red Goblins and Green Saprolings being two of the first ones that spring to mind. Sadly he doesn’t directly synergize with Food Chain, because that would be amazing. 

In Brawl, Food is definitely where you want to be with Korvold.

I’ve gotta say, I really do like how they built these four commanders around four set themes. One of them had to be Knights, and it was bound to be a bit of the odd one out. Honestly, the main thing they needed to do for Syr Gwyn would be to make her a tiny bit smaller and chop off a mana or two. Then she’d be phenomenal. As it is, 6 mana is a huge lift, particularly without Green, though the card draw is very welcome for these colors. 

She strikes me as totally reasonable in Brawl, but will be a little more niche for people who really want to build Knights in regular Commander.

It’s interesting that the only other multicolored general in the set is an Uncommon, but that’s the way it is now that Uncommon Legends are a consistent thing and we’re in a monocolor-focused set. Grumgully has some decent options in commander, but it’s unfortunate you can’t put Murderous Redcap in it for the combo win. My guess is there are better Red/Green commanders, and better +1/+1 commanders but he’s a fun option for a more offbeat deck.

In Brawl, there’s some fun synergy with Gruul Riot creatures from Ravnica Allegiance, but again, I think Grumgully would be better in the 59 rather than at the helm in those builds. Especially since you can run Domri at the helm.

Questing Beast doesn’t feel like most Legendary creatures, but sure enough he is. The likely key if you want to build him in Commander is to try to exploit his “Damage can’t be prevented” ability by making this a turbo Fog deck, since the damage your creatures do will still occur. It’s janky, but people won’t expect it the first time and could lead to some blowouts. Otherwise, he’s just Green stompy. 

For Brawl, he belongs in the deck, not in charge. You have better options for mono Green, and he will be in the deck for all of them.

Rankle isn’t the best mono Black commander out there, but he has some interesting deckbuilding options. The challenge is that he has to connect to be worth anything, but once he does you get a fair amount of utility out of him. I also imagine there will be plenty of EDH decks built around other generals who would be interested in him in the 99.

In Brawl, he’s about as good as any mono Black option, though Ayara is probably a touch better. He’s phenomenal in the deck of my Lazav deck, though.

Ayara is fantastic. She has some stiff competition for the leader of mono Black decks, but I can see her being a reasonable choice. After all, she’s got a win condition and draw power built in, and that’s pretty phenomenal. I’ll certainly be running her in the deck of basically any mono Black deck as well, so I expect to see her a lot.

In Brawl, mono Colors struggle a bit against 2 or 3 color builds, but Ayara is a reasonable choice if you really want to go mono Black. She plays really well with Gutterbones and similar self-reanimators, so there definitely is potential here.

Torbran actually has some potential across the board. In Commander, you have access to Purphoros, which is disgusting when combined with Torbran and any sort of token maker. Kinda no matter what, Torbran will be great either at the helm of or in the 99 of mono Red decks.

In 1v1 Brawl, Torbran is disgusting, and plays out basically just like the Standard Red deck does. He’s probably worse in multiplayer, but is anyone playing multiplayer Brawl? (I’m just playing 1v1 on Arena, so... yeah Torbran is annoying.)

For 100 card Commander, there are way better mono Green options out there. Yorvo is just “go big”, and that doesn’t quite cut it when Elfball and things are possible in the color. I don’t expect him to see much play.

In Brawl, he’s one of the better mono Green creature commanders out there, but there aren’t that many to speak of. Gargos is probably better, but neither are going to be anywhere near as good as Nissa, Who Breaks Formats.

Linden seems like a solid NOPE for Commander. As I’ve mentioned, Righteous Cause isn’t that great of a card, even when you get it in your Command Zone. There might be niche applications for her, but I’m not guessing any major play is likely.

She’s not that much better in Brawl, but she is fun with Ajani’s Pridemate. Problem is, you really want to be in W/B if you’re going to go for lifegain in the current Standard.

Lots of people are hyped about Gadwick, but I’m not guessing he’ll make too many waves. I’d run him in Wizard decks like Azami, and probably pass on him the rest of the time.

Mono Blue is probably the worst mono color in Brawl right now, and having card draw and a creature that can tap things isn’t going to make up for it much. He belongs in several brawl decks, but not leading them.

Emry is pretty much busted in half. Mono Blue Artifact decks already have tons of overpowered options in Commander, and adding Emry to the pile just adds to the insanity. Urza is still probably your best bet, but Emry could be a more fun and more budget way to do something similar.

In Brawl, I’ve seen people attempting Emry decks, but I don’t think they have enough way to close out the game, at least with the current card pool. A few animated artifacts just aren’t going to cut it with the amount of removal and big creatures in the format.

Oh right, we got a cycle of Uncommon Legendary Knights as well. Um... Syr Elinora is probably the worst of the bunch, for both Brawl and Commander. I just don’t see her making a splash in either format.

Syr Alin... has the same problem. He’s really meant for Limited play, and this ability just doesn’t do enough to be interesting in either Commander or Brawl. He’s probably slightly better than Syr Elinora in Brawl, but that’s not saying much.

Honestly, Syr Faren is probably better than Yorvo as a mono Green general, though it still bugs me tremendously that he didn’t follow the 5 CMC cost of the rest of the cycle. Oh, and this is for Brawl. He’s pretty useless in Commander.

Syr Carah provides repeatable impulse draw in a color that doesn’t often get it, so she’s worth looking at. In Commander, there are maybe a few decks where she’d fit in the 99, but 5 mana and without Haste is a lot to ask. In Brawl, I’d run her in most mono Red decks unless I was going super-weenie. But Torbran is your better bet as a general.

And that leaves us with Syr Konrad, and it’s honestly shocking just how much better he is than every other card in the cycle, and many of the Rare Legends as well. Seriously, this ability is so freaking good, even if it is hard to parse. He’s got potential in Commander as a General of some sort of gross mill/Living Death deck, and honestly with enough creatures on the board and in your graveyard, that could win on the spot. I don’t think he’s the best mono Black Legend ever printed, but he builds an interesting deck that’s a little different from a lot of the others, so I like that a lot. And he belongs in the 99 of so many other builds.

In Brawl, I love him in the deck of basically anything that runs Black, and you can get some of the same fun as Commander by casting a massive Finale of Eternity. In Brawl, I might actually run Ayara as the commander more, but Syr Konrad belongs in every Black deck in the format. Period.

Alright, now we move on to the Planeswalkers, since they are technically legal as Brawl commanders. And just like in Standard, Oko is pretty much busted as a Brawl general. In 1v1, you might as well scoop if your opponent lands a turn 1 Gilded Goose to land Oko on turn 2. He’ll be less obscene in multiplayer, where his +1 ability won’t just completely nullify everything you lay down. But he’ll still be great. So, you have a choice. You can build an Oko Brawl deck and understand that literally nobody will enjoy playing against you. Or you can build something else and let other people have fun. Your choice.

Garruk is pretty fantastic. I don’t know if he’s better than Vraska if you’re looking for a Golgari Planeswalker to lead your team, but he will be good. He’s got removal and threats built in, and he’s bound to be great, either as a commander or in the deck of another build.

The Royal Scions are great. Unlike Oko, who is just good and it doesn’t matter what you build, the twins here have a specific deck they work in, so it has to be a little narrower. Which is a good thing. This deck will be a lot of fun, and I think it can flex anywhere from casual to surprisingly powerful. Which is a great place to be for Brawl.

Oh yeah, there’s another Oko. Fortunately, this one is pretty much awful. There’s some potential here for a Simic Ascendancy type of build, which makes this better than it might be. The weird thing, however, is that Oko’s middle ability doesn’t synergize particularly well with his +1, since he’ll be a copy with no counters. It would be way better if he has a -1 that created a token copy of a creature you control, because at least then you could get ETB effects out of them. In any case, I doubt there will be many Oko, the Trickster builds, especially when Thief of Crowns is so ridiculous.

And finally, there’s Rowan on her own. I like that her +1 mimics the second ability on The Royal Scions. Honestly, Torbran is still  the mono Red general of choice, but Rowan isn’t the worst I’ve ever seen. Getting to an Insurrection on her ultimate is game ending, and if you can keep her alive long enough, she generates solid value. Honestly, I’d be curious to see what people do with a Rowan build, but more likely she’d just end up in the deck of some of the mono Red Superfriends decks I’ve seen running around.

So that’s it. All the new Legendary Creatures and Planeswalkers from Throne of Eldraine (and it’s related products). What deck are you going to build?

[thatshighlyoffensive]

That’s Highly Offensive: 2018 Golden Globes

Y’all know I only wear all black all the time, so I find the fact that Hollywood is "uniting" against whatever tonight by wearing all black to be kind of a stupid way to pussy foot around the issue, but who asked me? This should have been a night when the carpet looked the way I think it should at all times, but honestly, a lot of stuff looked makeshift and cheap to me. And WHAT was with all the skirts-over-pants nonsense?? I thought that was over. Also, forgive the overuse of the funeral garb schtick but what choice did I have?

Wow. It's rare that the first look I see ends up being the worst dressed of the night, but Debra Messing has just taken the cake, eaten it, made another cake, eaten that, made another one, and took that too. I know it's cliché but MESSing says it all. #thefacesofmeth That emerald eyeshadow and those Elvira for Family Dollar false lashes!!  And WHAT is that dent in her forehead?? I’ll tell you what it is… bad Botox. Or Juvaderm. Or whatever expired baby bunny cartilage her dermo found in Karen Walker’s dumpster. Oh and also, she’s wearing the dress version of Liza’s putty kkk hood shoes and it’s  all HIGHLY offensive.

Kelly Clarkson- "From Justin to King Midas" if King Midas was a lizard...

Kristin Cavallari went as 1999 Oscars Angelina Jolie but with a ballerina's bun and I'm not ok with it.

I honestly have nothing bad to say about Tracee Ellis Ross’s outfit. The phrase ‘Charmin Noir’ comes to mind, but let’s not bc you know how much I love a turban/wrap!

Meryl Streep: You bore me to tears. I like your glasses.

It seems to be literally KILLING Giuliana Rancid that she can’t ask “Who are you wearing?” bc she is incapable of NOT pointing out the fact that she’s not asking that question to every person she's interviewed. And as always, she looks like the Queen from Antz but this year her skin is a particularly orange shade of Oscar Meyer all beef frank. She also has one of the most bulbous horse hair dino ponytails I’ve ever seen. She's like the anorexic version of Starla from Napoleon Dynamite. AND HER TAN LINES! I didn't know you got those from bottled self tanner...

Catherine Zeta Jones: I am still obsessed with CZJ even after recently rewatching Ocean’s Twelve for the first time since Cat and I fell asleep in the theater. Her face, her body, her dress, her earrings, her love for her thousand year old father in law… I am fully behind all of it!

Penelope Cruz: See above. #stunning

I don't know who this woman from Outlander is but I do know she better be on her way to audition at Tweetsie Railroad.

Connie Britton: NO.

Jessica Biel and J. Tim- don’t NO ONE CARE. I don’t know one person who watched ‘The Sinner’ (most people didn’t even know what I was talking about when I asked if they’d heard of it), so the fact that she is nominated is a testament to that Sexy Back money and nothing more. Just her talking about being a producer of the show is like… We get it…you’re the only one who would pay you to be an actress anymore. PS, your arms are fabulous.

Mandy Candy Moore: Olé!

Holy shit Diane Kruger looks amazing.

Unfortunately, Sarah Paulson is one of those I feel looks like she's in something cheap. Really cheap. Like she stole a leotard from the Xanadu Mourning collection and wrapped a table cloth around herself. And I can't say I love the choppiness of her bob.

Michele Williams- I’m still not over how ridiculous you looked on Dawson’s Creek, but your pixie has grown on me over the last few years but OHMYGOD what is that shelf in the back? Lloyd Christmas called…

Seth Myers looks like the singing sword and a foot had a baby and named it Cheremy.

Jamie Chung- First of all, why are you here? Secondly, you look like the winner of a ‘Grunge Bride’ themed stripper contest sponsored by Hefty in 2002. Those shoes….

Alexis Bledel- Let’s get this out of the way: I can’t stand you. You’re a mumbler with creepy Kewpie doll eyes and mouth. But as for what you’re wearing, GASP you’re not wearing solid black so you obviously don’t care about women!! But also, you must not care about yourself either because you look like one of Ariel’s sisters and Dionysus had a baby and it came out haunted.

Why is Dave Franco wearing so much rouge????

Alison Brie- Ok, you can channel Audrey Hepburn, I guess. Although her dress does resemble my senior prom dress from Cache. Oh wait- there’s a pants leg. You’re trash.

William H. Macy: Did Grubby die? That’s the only reason I can think of for Teddy Ruxpin to show up to the Golden Globes in all black…

Gal Gadot is clearly going to an audition for "A Chorus Line" after the Globes. Why else would she steal a maitre'd's jacket and cut it in half?

Saoirse Ronan looks perfect all around. I need all of it immediately, even though I’d look more like Bruce Villanche dressed in drag doing a David Bowie tribute than her svelte awesomeness…

Eva Longoria looks like a pregnant Sharpie.

It took me a solid 3 seconds & a glance at the caption to figure out I was looking at Halle Berry and not some mixed berry bag of Skittles from a prom themed episode of the CW’s Gossip Girl revival. And her bangs look gross and ridiculous. #whywontsheage??

I take it back: Reese Witherspoon looks like the pregnant Sharpie. Or maybe her daughter has decided to become a fashion designer and this was her first foray into an origami—inspired collection? #blacktobasics

Nicole Kidman (or Nicky Kickin it in the Moulin Rouge, as Jack McFarland calls her) looks flawless, as always. The one negative thing I will say is that I find flutter fly cap sleeves to be among the most offensive things in adult female fashion (mainly because the only humans that can pull them off are pre-teens, anorexics and Kate Moss (not that she’d ever wear them).

Viola Davis wins everything. Omg that hair and makeup and jewelry and dress. ⚰️⚰️⚰️

Did Zac-without-a-K Efron want people to mistake him for Milo Ventimiglia? Is that the reason for the mustache? Why is he even there? GASP! Are they already remaking High School Musical (because you know that’s in the works…) with him starring as Troy again?!? #prayerhands

Why exactly is Naomi Campbell at the Golden Globes, must less in a piece from the never-to-be-seen sketches Vivienne Westwood did for Guy Richie’s new pandering remake starring Madonna as Herlock Holmes?

Lily James- You are gorgeous perfection and I mean that because anyone that stars in a live action Disney remake is automatically on my shit list (I’m looking at you, Emmas Stone and Watson…) but what the actual hell are you wearing? You look like a Project Runway contestant’s submission on the theme “Maleficent’s entrance to the party.”

Octavia Spencer looks like the teacher who got to play Glinda’s role in a #metoo fundraising, high school production of Wicked after the lead was stricken with mono.

Greta Gerwig- I’m tempted to allow it, but only if you’re intentionally channeling Marchesa Luisa Casati.

Angelina Jolie- oh. my. god. I know I’m biased (as one of her long lost, adopted children she’s never acknowledged or heard of) but I cannot say one bad thing about this, especially since I’ve been in 100% Bombshell  Manual mode lately and anything with feathers or frills or femininity is giving me LIFE. #bestdressed

Elizabeth Moss: from Polly to Pollyana. Anyone that gets that is my lifelong friend and anyone that doesn’t please never talk to me again. But seriously honey, that waistline is not your friend.

Jessica Chastain- I think I love everything about this but am i crazy or does it make her look a little bulky? Tell me I’m crazy. I’m crazy. (Narrator: She was definitely crazy.)

omg Maggie Gyllenhaal is wearing the same Castle Greyskull, droopy-sleeve of wizard-vagine garment as Debra Messing! Is this a thing?? Gross. And those earrings are stupid too but I don’t know why.

Emilia Clarke is perfection (minus the bow but moving on) and I don’t even love GOT.

Geena Davis stole one of CZJ’S costumes from Chicago and i can’t say that I’m angry. I will say that I’m angry that the head designer at LOFT got hold of it and added a few of those filthy lace panels before she walked the red carpet, but since she still looks pretty flawless…I’LL ALLOW IT.

As always, Lena Headey looks like the drunk, badass aunt who was a groupie before falling into acting so I love her even more than when she gets drunk and sets people on fire on tv. The dress does look like something a goth would make to wear to a Renaissance fair, but who cares when she looks that cool in it?

I love Margot Robbie more than almost anyone in Hollywood today (even though she stole my life’s dream of playing Tonya Harding. Seriously, I’d started writing a short right before they announced that movie and I’m not even kidding), but I can’t say i know exactly what she was going for with this look… an Elsa-possessed mistletoe over her womb to subtly announce she’s expecting? A tribute to the portion of Fantasia where fairies ice skate to ‘Waltz of the Flowers’ as a nod to the ice goddess she plays in ‘I, Tonya?’ I’ve been staring at it for a few minutes now and can honestly say I have no clue.

Gwendolyn Christie- I have no idea what you are wearing but I do know that I am obsessed with your GOT character so you have my permission to do whatever you please.

Kerry Washington unfortunately looks like some anorexic basic at her junior prom. And those floral net booties are what a leprechaun wears to a funeral. wtf. Oh but her hair is on point.

Kate Hudson- Je refuse.

Chris Hemsworth can do no wrong even in a suit made from a brocade table cloth and VELVETEEN shoes so don’t even worry about it, honey.

Michelle Pfeiffer- omg i am heartbroken over how matronly you look!! As anyone who knows me knows, my mother could pass as your identical twin, so I take it kind of personally when you show up on the red carpet dressed as Marian the librarian’s widowed sister, Ovarian.

Zoe Kravtiz- Sweetie, it’s already been done and its name was Natalie Portman. A chunky, funky  emerald earring does make you look like Audrey Hepburn's edgy cousin though. Whatever- you still look gorgeous and I love you.

Kendall Jenner- There are so many things wrong with your look, much less your existence, but I’ll just sum it up with this: T. STRAPPED. POINTY. TOED. SHOES. Also, lay off the brow botox before you look like Debra Messing, or worse, Kylie Jenner. #gasp

Sarah Jessica Parker literally went as her character from Hocus Pocus attending a funeral.

Isabelle Huppert wins the night! Nope, spoke too soon. Her dress has those damned flutter sleeves on it too! What IS that? It’s trash, is what it is…

Roseanne Barr forgot to put a dress over her Spanx…

Ok, that's all I got. I barely watched any of the actual show bc I can't with most of those self important a-holes, so I can't comment on anything "exciting" or "interesting" that might have happened. Let me know if I missed anything highly offensive🥂

[atrainernamedradish]

Build-A-Dex Challenge [2/3]

Part 1: https://atrainernamedradish.tumblr.com/post/186594319157/build-a-dex-challenge-13

Build-A-Dex Challenge:

3 Starters:

In the video the starters weren’t based off pre-determined region trios but more on choosing one of each of their signature typing making them into their own separate trio.

For grass I chose my 3rd favorite grass starter in Torterra. It’s bulk and attacking prowess makes up for its lack of speed with a nice STAB Earthquake and Wood Hammer! Ground is also such a wonderful secondary typing for the primary grass. I have no problem using such a tanky Pokemon, and it deserves some love and face time compared to the other two that rank higher than it on my starters list.

For fire I went with another 3rd favorite choice in Delphox. I don’t care what anyone says, I simply adore this entire starter line~! Fire/Psychic is such a great unique typing that I can use thru this Pokemon without having to resorting to hindering Darmanitan or hoping Game Freak can lend me a level 50 Victini, which I doubt! This is a special powerhouse that I am always eager to have on the team, and just like Torterra, it needs more love~

When looking at my choices for a water starter I realized something... I am not the biggest fan of water starters. I don’t necessarily hate them, but I honestly don’t care for them. One of the few I simply adore however is Primarina. Fairy typing is always a solid typing to have, and you can teach it coverage moves to take down those pesky weaknesses. It’s slower like Torterra, but like Delphox has a good special attack to scare away any threats!

My three choices honestly just have great dual typings, and aren’t so bad in battle for an in-game play through. I guess you could say that my choices were underappreciated underdogs~

Regional Bug:

One of my favorite regional bugs originates from Hoenn in Wurmple. It is cute with an unique way of evolving. Unlike other bugs native to other regions who simple have a three stage evolution, Wurmple has five! Not to mention its branched as well determined by its personality value, which cannot be altered. So not only do you get a few extra Pokemon to fatten up the Pokedex, but you have it in an unique way too~

Regional Bird:

I personally am not the biggest fan of regional birds as well as the dual typing of normal/flying. With that in mind I went for Fletchling because it drops the normal typing for fire upon evolving. Plus Talonflame is a beast in battle, and helpful outside for hatching eggs and getting you around the region.

Regional Rodent:

While I’m not the biggest fan of Diggersby’s design, it is one of the better options among its niche when Bunnelby evolves. Not only is ground a nice secondary typing, but eventually this Pokemon learns STAB Earthquake via level up among other useful moves via TM. STAB Earthquake and Return make it a viable team member early on and setting it apart from the basic boring options of route 1 normal rodent encounters.

Regional Cat:

Setting my Pokedex choices apart from the aforementioned basic boring normal types is the dark type Purrloin and its evolution in Liepard. Liepard can actually be a nuisance to deal with if you have the right moveset on it. Dark typing is always nifty to obtain early game as well.

Pikachu Clone:

I promise you that I am not trying to squeeze as many fairy types as I can into this Pokedex. Pretty much I wanted to add in a decent clone among the list and it was between my choice of Dedenne and the one that I didn’t choose in Togedemaru. Dedenne is not only adorable, but can be very hard to deal with if you don’t have two of its only weaknesses since the third one is neutral in this type combination.

Pair of Fossils:

Emperor Cubone didn’t specify if you had to choose an actual regional pair, or if you could mix and match them. Since I am unsure of that I will simply go with fossils from Hoenn in Lileep and Anorith. Personally, I really don’t care for the Anorith line. It’s simply there for the Lileep line since that is my favorite fossil line hands down! Lileep and Cradily are one of the few fossil Pokemon that doesn’t have to deal with water, and especially a 4x weakness to grass compared to the other fossils, and that’s always viable. Some of its other weaknesses like bug and flying have to be extremely careful around its rock typing, which with its high defense and HP stat can usually soak up attacks from. Not to mention its other grass side weaknesses in fire and poison are neutral since its rock side resists the two.

Overall the Lileep line is one of the best fossils you could ask to have (though I’m sure the Anorith line has its merits).

Unrelated Connections:

I went with Durant and Heatmor because I wanted typings with lesser numbers to fill the dex likes steel and fire (since starters make up most of the fire typing). I think Durant is a pretty cool Pokemon who usually overshadows its rival, and I wanted Heatmor to get more attention since I can image it being pretty forgettable.

Cave Encounters: 

I wanted to spice up this category by eliminating typical encounters such as Zubats/Woobats and mono-type rock types as entries. There will be a bat and rock in the forms of Noibat and Carbink. I chose these two since their typings correspond with each other. Plus they have a lot more to offer than your typical bats and rocks.

I thought I’d throw in a ground type since ground types can be a common typing to be found in caves so I went with Drilbur. Not only is Excadrill such a beast of a powerhouse, but it also gets the steel typing which can be a later threat to Carbink to round off the typings in the caves.

Surf Encounters:

Instead of annoying sea birds and jelly fish I thought Wishiwashi would make a good replacement, At lower levels it’s annoying at best, but in higher leveled waters this thing would not only be terrifying, but is powered up, but there’d be some juicy XP to gain.

Remoraid is another option I wanted to add since it actually learns a fair amount of moves that can not only handle its weaknesses but is powered up by its ability.

Mantyke/Mantine is the last surf encounter option. Since Remoraid is its counterpart I thought it would be a good idea to have it with it. It would be the rarer encounter with Mantyke in lower leveled water and Mantine in higher level water. It also sort of replaces Wingull/Pelippers annoying flying asses,,,

Tough to Find/Evolve:

I’m going to start off with a Pokemon that fits the bill for both these requirements: Feebas.

Feebas is usually hard to find with Alola having it at 10% which I believe is pretty high compared to the low specific areas to usually find in other regions. Depending on in-game mechanics, Feebas can evolve in two different ways which can be easier or harder depending on the way to do so. So that’s why Feebas is on this section of the list.

I have three Pokemon for Tough to Find with female Salandit starting off the list. Unless you are lucky, or can exploit a male Pokemon with the Cute Charm ability, then you’d have a 1 out of 10 (I’m treating 100% as a 10) of finding one that is female. The reason gender is so important is because only the female can evolve. You could use a male Salandit, but it’s so weak that I wouldn’t bother... (Salandit is actually really cute and I feel bad pointing out how weak it is.)

My second pick is Mareanie, and to some extent Corsola. Corsola only as a 5% chance to be found through fishing unless you look for bubbly spots to fish at bringing it up to 20%, which is lower compared to other Pokemon you can fish for as well in those spots. You also have to spend time leaving and coming back to the minuscule routes Corsola’s on for the bubbly spots to appear if you want that extra 15% chance to encounter it. And even when you finally encounter the damned thing you have to hope you get another 20% in the SOS method to lure out the Pokemon you’re actually trying to get! So good luck~

My third pick is Maractus. In the generation its from you have a very small chance of finding it. You can practically overlook it that’s how rare it is! I chose it because it needs more love~

For Tough Pokemon To Evolve I have another set of three Pokemon.

My first choice is Nincada. Leveling it up is a fucking pain, especially in early games (think of Magikarp in that regard)! Then you need to make sure you have an open slot in your party and a spare Pokeball, or you can kiss getting both of its branched evolutions in Shedinja!

My second choice is Clamperl. It isn’t the super rarest Pokemon to find, but finding it is tedious since it has either a lower percentage or you need an HM. You also need to catch two and have two specific items so you can trade them while holding said items to get it to evolve both into Gorebyss and Huntail.

My last choice is Porygon. You usually gave to go out of your way for it, or much later in game to obtain it. Then you need to find two specific items to not only trade and evolve it, but then once more to get it to evolve again!

Doesn’t Evolve (Minimum 2):

I have chosen four Pokemon for this category” Girafarig, Mawile, Cryognal, and Drampa.

Girafarig is an odd Pokemon with a mostly unique typing (at least the one who started it lol). I feel like it’s very underrated, underappreciated, and forgettable to most so I wanted to add it to give it more love and attention~

Mawile is cute and has a good typing.

I don’t know why but I’m very fond of Cryognal. Sorry if that’s not a good enough reason to have it on the list lol~

Drampa is my favorite dragon type. It’s a shallow reason I know but... *shrugs* eh. What do you want from me?

Pseudo-Legendary:

I chose Beldum because it has such a desirable typing and Metagross is an absolute beast as well as can learn some good moves to cover its weaknesses. Plus it is a well designed Pokemon from it’s first-stage to its Mega. An extra bonus is that it’s a non-dragon Pseudo compared to the rest, and the less dragons the better!

Legendaries (Max 5?):

In his video Emperor Cubone stated that just like the starters, they don’t have to be with their respected pairs/trios/etc.. Unfortunately Mythical Legendaries aren’t an option for this list since they require outisde sources to get them usually. I also didn’t include Ultra Beasts since they’re more of a regional gimmick.

For these five I was trying to have as little typings shared between them as well as these choices were made more for aesthetics than anything.

I have no real other explanations for why I chose these other than what was aforementioned or that these were my favorites from their group/pair/version exclusives: Xerneas, Virizion, Lugia, Giratina, and Solgaleo.

[housebeleren]

War of the Spark New Commanders

It’s now that time. Time to figure out if I feel like turning any of these new Legendary Creatures into Commander decks. And since the *ahem* Rules Committee decided not to allow Planeswalkers as generals, I’ll have to be content with just the creatures. (I mean, c’mon. Really?!)

With that, let’s get started. There are some goodies to review.

Let’s start with Dragon Daddy Niv. Honestly, I’m really digging this design. He’s a 5 color general, but actually makes use of those 5 colors unlike certain other generals I can mention. *coughNajeelacough* This design also makes you have to think about deck design in a very interesting way, since you’re incentivized to put as many 2 color cards in the deck as possible. I went right ahead and put him at the helm of my Superfriends deck, because he’s a pretty strict upgrade over Jodah. And I typically draw 2-3 cards off casting him in that deck, so I feel pretty good about that choice. Overall, I really love the design for Niv-Mizzet Reborn, and I can imagine a wide range of decks being built for him.

Okay, now let’s get this out of the way, because this is obviously the Legend that got the most initial attention for EDH, and rightfully so. This is fantastic new design space for Boros, which is a notoriously difficult color combination in the format. And the possibilities are endless. Sure, you can throw all kinds of cantrips at Feather and dig deep into your deck, but there’s also fun stuff you can do with cards like Aurelia’s Fury, that can target multiple targets. And forget about it once you have Zada on the field. Then it just gets insane. I look forward to seeing all the different options people come up with, and I’m also just happy that Feather finally got a card.

Aside from being some absolutely gorgeous art, Roalesk packs a lot of action for 5 mana. For one, he’s huge just on his own. But the fact that he can spread the love on ETB and when he dies is just fantastic. That said, I definitely see Roalesk as a supporting player, and not so much as a lead. He’s a great inclusion in Ezuri, Claw of Progress decks, and I can also see builds of Atraxa being very interested. That deck has access to numerous ways to retrigger both the ETB & death abilities, so this could be a powerful proliferate engine if done right. Every general needs a lieutenant, right?

I like Storrev. I really do. I truly wish there was a format that really wanted this. But, alas, in Commander we have Meren of Clan Nel Toth, and I just don’t think Storrev is going to supplant her anytime soon. Maybe some Meren or Karador decks will find space for her as some added redundancy, but I’m not holding my breath. (Which is good, because a Zombie Elf Wizard is likely to beat me at a breath-holding contest.)

Another absolutely gorgeous piece of artwork, our final Gold Legend is... wolf tribal? Huh, I guess that’s a thing? This is definitely a Standard card, and I don’t really see this making any waves in EDH unless they come out with a ton of sweet wolves in the upcoming sets. I will say, between Tolsimir & Arlinn, this does give me some optimism that there will be wolves in the Fall set. Because wolves tribal in Standard is totally a deck I would play.

Alright, let’s tackle the gods next. Oketra, while an absolute monster of a beating in Limited, and a Standard powerhouse, doesn’t strike me as all that potent as a Commander on her own. Now, will Varina decks potentially be interested in this? Why, yes they will. And potentially any other creature-heavy go-wide decks might be down. But Oketra is definitely built for the 99.

Blue mages everywhere collectively nerdgasmed when Kefnet was previewed. I think there’s no doubt that Kefnet will likely have the largest impact on Commander from cards in this set. There’s already talk of him supplanting Teferi as the mono-Blue general of choice for CEDH, and that’s no easy feat. But honestly, this is exactly what every Blue deck wants to do! I’ve already slot him directly into my Aminatou deck manipulation build, where he goes infinite with her plus any extra turn spell. As the headliner or in the chorus, Kefnet is going to be an EDH staple for years to come. And that’s to say nothing of the impact he’ll have on Standard.

I’m glad not all of the gods are instant hits. Bontu is great, make no mistake. And there will definitely be Big Black decks that want this. But I don’t think she’s going to be an auto-include, and I also don’t think there are many good reasons to run her as the Commander of a deck over some of the better mono-Black options. Bontu is a clear role player in several builds. I, for one, will probably slot her right away into my Gisa & Geralf deck. And I suspect many will do the same.

Doing this slightly out of order, which is difficult because one compulsion is telling me to keep all the God-Eternals together, while another compulsion is telling me to do all 5 gods in color order. It’s rough up in here.

I guess every family needs a disappointing sibling, right? It’s crazy to think that a card like this could be a “disappointment,” but in the world of EDH, this reads like a mediocre Craterhoof impersonation. I’d honestly rather run End-Raze Forerunners more often than this, because the Trample is just so. relevant. I think there’s potential for Standard, and he’s undoubtedly a bomb in Limited, but that’s about the long & the short of it, from what I can see.

Ilharg is fun, and totally reminds me of Etali, Primal Storm, except for the part that they’re not actually that much alike. Okay, they are both 6/6 mono-Red Legendary creatures with an attack trigger, so that’s kinda similar. That said, I think Ilharg really wants to be a supporting cast member in a multicolor deck, with Green in it at the very least. You really want to power out huge creatures with ETBs with this guy. Again, Craterhoof comes to mind. It’s like that card is good or something.

Let’s keep going on this mono-Red train. New Neheb is fun, and a nice callback to the previous version. That said, I do think Neheb, the Eternal is probably a stronger general, as this version has the potential to get brick-walled by good blockers. Basically, the likelihood for this Neheb to fail seems greater than I’d like. Who knows, though. I could be wrong, and Dreadhorde Neheb could be the new hotness.

The string of “not quite as good as their previous versions” continues. Again, I do kinda love this design. But it’s really hard to compete with Double Trouble Krenko from before. Maybe they want to be in the same deck? But even that seems like a bit of a stretch.

Tomik is family and we never turn our backs on family, hon! You ride that gargoyle off into the sunset, you fabulous queen you. Also, I can’t be the only one who thinks it’s a bit on the nose to have the confirmed gay (and suspected top) and-I-quote “tie it into knots”? I mean, I could’ve told you Ral was into some kinky shit just from looking at him (e-stim much?), but apparently they’re just super about this life on Ravnica and I am here for it hennnnnny. 

Oh, the card. Yeah, stick to Legacy with this one. If your playgroup is literally all Frog Monsters & DaddyCats, sure. Knock yourself out. Or maybe Tomik will do it for you? Maybe if you beg good.

I always wondered how they would make a Fblthp card, and well... now I know. The little guy’s actually pretty good, doing his best Elvish Visionary impersonation, only better, because if he gets super duper lost, he finds himself an extra card on the way. Sure, yes, he combos with Proteus Staff in a deck with no creatures as a strange build-your-own Divination on a literal stick. But honestly, that’s not enough reason to run him as your Commander. Prove me wrong, bitches. Because, honestly? I’d love to see that.

The unfortunate thing is that, as much as I was happy to see a Massacre Girl card, it’s really unfortunate that there’s no Hekara in this set, given the role she played in the novel. (And the fact that miss not-Hekara here didn’t appear at all.) It just underscores how many missed opportunities there were in the coordination between the novel & the set. 

Anyway, not-Hekara is a super cool design, and will often be a pretty clean board wipe on a stick. Honestly... I could see her having a place in some Black decks that want this effect often, since recurring your board wipe over and over is a pretty strong line of play. It’s Staxy, but I’m kinda okay with that. Not a slam dunk, but a definite option for decks that want her.

Aaaaaand lastly, the goodest of boys is... a good boy. That’s about it. He’s fantastic in Limited, and I highly recommend playing him often, and with great enthusiasm. But yeah, there’s not really any EDH potential here, except maybe in the strangest of jank Ezuri decks. And that’s a stretch, for sure. If it doubled the counters, then I could see it more, because that would get out of hand really quickly.

So that’s basically it. All the Legendary Creatures of War of the Spark. Who are you running in your Commander decks?

[littledragonlily]

TMI: Oversharing

((Trigger warning: mentions of self harm, r@pe, abuse, drugs, alcohol, suicide, body dysmorphia, mental illness, ...um, a lot, actually, so please please think about this before reading ahead. My life's a mess tbh. Will put an * (or many, if bad bad) by the numbers of anything with potentially bad triggers just in case..)) Credit to one of my mutuals, after reading their oversharing post, I felt like writing my own might actually be cathartic for me, so thank you mutual (no name callout because they may not be comfortable with that). 1. I actually have zero idea about who I am when I'm on my own. I've felt this way for years and only recently has it been recognized/taken seriously. 2. My father and three siblings are all on the autism spectrum in varying degrees. The question hangs if I am too, I show similar signs, but I don't care enough to find out. 3. I cycle through obsessive behaviors. Collecting things, couponing, certain games; luckily it has never landed on an unhealthy addiction so far, but it scares me that it might. 4*. I have been self destructive for 7+ years. (For clarification, I'm 21 going on 22 currently.) My arm is white lines and long story short, I cannot wear shorts above my knees anytime soon, or anything less than a one-piece bathing suit to cover my torso. 5*. My arms are healed because I was relentlessly picked on by an abusive ex and my own father when I wore it on my sleeves, so to speak.. I hide it now. My dad still doesn't know I started doing it again and I plan on keeping it that way. 6****. Callout to my ex I mentioned above. Because of him, I get ptsd episodes if I'm under the water even a second too long, forbid I'm being held down even playfully. He took whatever he wanted, including my current peace of mind in relationships. I've been trying to escape the damage he caused for 5 years. 7****. Callout to friends/another ex I trusted that would not take no for an answer, especially the one that took me as I cried for him to stop. 8*. By all normative standards, I'm wickedly smart. I had the military branches beating down my door from my perfect aptitude test scores (no studying, mind you, I wing tests), and if not for mental issues stealing my motivation to try, I could've been in my top ten graduating from high school easily. However..no one wants to take a damaged "genius" so..yeah. 9. I have so so so many ideas of what I want to do with my life, but I'm viciously afraid of stepping foot outside of my not-so-comfy-but-good-enough bubble. 10*. I am professionally diagnosed with major depressive disorder, general anxiety disorder, and dependent personality disorder. That list may grow when I actually trust the psychiatrist enough to tell them Everything™. 11. If I don't push myself to hang out with my friends/favorite people, and it has to be because THEY want ME, I will quite literally spend all day in my bed during my time off. Even finding the motivation to clean my room and pay my bills (spoiler, I usually don't) is just..improbable. 12*. I have two, count them one-two, people that are even close to knowing Everything™ about me. (Unfortunate spoiler: they've both done things that they sometimes use against each other to make me question my faith in them.) I love them both, which causes me immense guilt because they both want to keep me Forever™ (also know to me as until they get tired of my..Me-ness.) and right now I'm just wondering how long of Forever™ I'll actually be alive for. 13. Speaking of immense guilt, hi, it's because I've hurt mentioned people both more than they admit to. I didn't mean to I'm sorry I really didn't just I just how do you not depend on someone that you were engaged to but also how do you not depend on someone that actually gets you and is your carer and you actually get along with everyone in their system and ahhhh fjdjfhdjrbd I'm sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry.. 14. Sorry, sorry.. I'm back. Kinda? Anyway.. I feel like a split person, kinda. I have different aspects of myself that handle different things and I have names for them, but I would NOT call myself a system at this point, I would just say I am compartmentalizing and personifying certain aspects of my personality. It just feels easier, yeah? I try to stick to the ones people love best (Mama(carer)-me, Lily(regressed)-me, and Belle(work)-me). My carer is the only person "acquainted" with all of Me™ by name. 15. I only always get along with one person in my house, which is my little sister, Hannah. She has a degenerative disorder and has her own special way of communicating. But as far as I can tell, I'm one of her favorite people, and that makes me super happy actually. 16. So I got derailed on number 13 because that's such a touchy subject. Mostly because I'm forced to choose between the two of them because of societal norms/their feelings/some other reasons here, and in my head and heart I'm so dependent on them both it hurts. (Lately, however, I've been more dependent on my carer.) 17****. Possible reasons I shouldn't be dependent on ex-fiancé person: Has hit me in a "black-out rage" previously (isolated, non-recurring, however I have my days of questioning would I trigger that again..), can be incredibly argumentative if my word choice is incorrect expressing my issues (bad to the point it has triggered me to self-harm), and has forced my indecisive self into making a decision in the midst of a six-hour crying/panicked episode. Also can be neglectful as a person to depend on at times, a little more self-centered than he realizes most of the time, etc. 18****. Possible reasons I shouldn't be dependent on my carer person: Lack of respect towards a previous relationship with ex-fiancé ((as in..well.. some unloyal behavior happened while I was drunk/high/sometimes sober and it actually makes me sick that I let that happen.. I disrespected my own relationship oh god I'm horrible I never wanted to be that person I didn't mean to I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry..)(okay, okay, calmed down..)), one of his alters is notoriously angry/violent however has recently been more gentle with me after some talks about the fact that anger/arguments/violence/yelling trigger my anxiety badly (I'm a sensitive marshmallow puff y'all, sorry..), I WILL NOT HOLD HIS PAST AGAINST HIM but it sometimes gets in my head a little so I try to talk it out when it does, he does have a bit of dependence on Mary Jane (think green, not a lady) but I don't mind this so much because it's better than alcohol (I helped with that! I helped! Yay!), and there are some times when he doesn't word things well and it'll get to me but I don't see this being intentional honestly. 19*. My past trauma makes me hypersexual, and sometimes I'm incredibly disgusted with myself for being that way. Thankfully though, my regressed self is "too small" for those things and my carer does not fetishize my regressed self, so thankful for that. It is that that caused my initial confusion because I didn't understand that some communities were fetish.. ugh.. 20****. In the past year I have cycled through drinking, smoking, and pills as a short-term "dependence" (I put that in quotes because I feel as if it had been serious I would not have been able to step away so easily). Each one I have quit (drinking is social, and never anywhere near as heavy as it used to be). I occasionally smoke Mary Jane now as it is more effective than my Prozac I'm currently prescribed (will get changed soon, I hope). 21. Physically I have some liver/kidney damage (my fault), scalp psoriasis, chronic acid reflux, chronic pain (fibromyalgia), anemia, cold and hot sensitivity, spleen damage (I'm Epstein-Barr sensitive, aka unfortunately susceptible to mono), and something I don't have a name for that makes me get incredibly weak if I don't have a steady intake of sugar during the day.. (any ideas?) 22. I have a SEVERE phobia of vomit. I can handle the word, stories are iffy, but seeing/smelling/hearing it will trigger a panic attack and when i do it (which is thankfully only once every few years so far) it is incredibly painful and I will NOT eat for days. I will be absolutely food repulsed. I doubt anyone would post anything visual, but if you do and you're reading this, PLEASE I'm begging you, post a warning for me. I'll be eternally thankful. 23. Something lighthearted for once: I will not see a superhero/comic book/Nerdy™ movie that I can't go see without my dad. It's just super important to me. 24****. I hate my appearance while simultaneously being incredibly vain about it (do I make sense? No? Ok). I have dysmorphia, because I swear by a few things (I'm always too big, my skin is always bad, etc etc.) If it were not for my conditions (phobia of vomit, not being able to function without sugar), I'd most likely have an eating disorder. Instead I am in a state of limbo where I hate my body but I won't do anything negative to impact my body image. (Yay?) 25. You now know more about me than most people I know in real life, including my parents and family. Sorry it's so much, thanks for sticking around.

[sage-nebula]

(if you don't mind me sending a second one) top ten fma characters?

Of course I don’t! This one is going to be hard, though, because there are so many fantastic characters that I feel it’s inevitable I’m going to end up forgetting someone.

Roy Mustang --- Roy didn’t used to be my favorite character way back in middle / high school when I was first introduced to FMA (through the 2003 series), and even then, he wasn’t my favorite character when Brotherhood first aired in 2009, or even on multiple re-watches. Instead, he is a character who has steadily grown to be my fave with each new re-watch. I swear to god, every time I revisit this series I love him more, and more, and more, and now he’s undoubtedly my favorite. I love Colonel Badass. More than that, I love how he’s Colonel Dad even as he tries to argue it and claim, without anyone suggesting otherwise, that he’s not Fullmetal’s father, ffs. (Yes you are, Roy. You’re one of his dads. Just accept it.) I love . . . so much about Roy. I love how clever and intelligent he is, that he recognizes the machinations of the government and how he plays his pieces correctly in order to advance up the ladder, but how he does that specifically so that he can a.) protect the people most important to him (and did you notice? In the Japanese version, he uses the exact same language Alan does when saying he wants to protect his most important people! Taisetsu mono!), and b.) protect everyone in Amestris by sitting at the very top as Fuhrer President (which is exactly why I think Alan would make an excellent Champion---he can protect everyone in Kalos that way, that’s literally the Champion’s job, but that’s a meta for another time). Roy also wants to atone for everything he did during the Ishbal extermination---he wants himself and all other state alchemists held accountable for their war crimes, but only after they help with Ishbal’s restoration, which I think is just incredibly admirable. Like, it’s not just that Roy feels guilty and feels he’s deserving of punishment. He knows that the lives lost can never be restored, knows that the destruction can never be undone, but he still wants to help restore Ishbal to a land of prosperity first, so it’s not just that he’s punishing himself (and others), but that he’s actively giving back to Ishbal instead of just leaving them destitute. Like, goddamn. That is the right fucking reaction to what happened.Additionally, Roy is so good about keeping his cards close to his chest, about not showing how he feels most of the time, but the truth is that he cares so fucking much. He’s obviously in love with Riza. His team means everything to him (he’s fucking crushed when Havoc is paralyzed, crushed), he cares about the Elric boys, he cares about---just about everyone. Roy keeps up an unaffected exterior most of the time because he has to, but the truth is that these things cut him pretty deeply and they do keep him up at night. There’s so much to him and so much within him and goddamn I love the fucking Flame Alchemist. He’s definitely my fave. I adore him.(Also, not for nothing, but PokéAni actually paid him a homage, using Alan, no less. Feast your eyes. There’s no way using that very specific number wasn’t intentional. None.)

Edward Elric --- Ed was always my favorite in the past, and to be honest I still relate to him a lot and still love him dearly, so he’s just #2 now. (Sorry, Ed . . . but in the Flame vs. Fullmetal battle of my heart, you lose.) Aside from also being quite short (though he inevitably surpassed me in height, damn him), I used to be sensitive about it in childhood. Whereas I’m comfortable with the fact that I’m tiny now, I used to have quite a temper about it as a kid . . . so in that sense, honestly, I found him to be quite relatable!Aside from that, though, he’s yet another Determinator. He’s a hothead sometimes, but he has a heart of gold, and he’s a very protective big brother. These are all traits I find very attractive in characters. On top of which, although I feel like in many ways Ed would nearly be a Hat Stall between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw, in the end I feel like the Hat would either put him in Gryffindor, or he’d choose to be there, but Ravenclaw would be a very close secondary---and that’s something I relate to, because I am a Gryffindor, but Ravenclaw is my secondary. (Or to use the Ilvermony Houses, I’m a Gryffindor at Hogwarts and Horned Serpent at Ilvermorny---a Serpendor, if you will. I feel that Ed is very much the same way.) We have similar ways of looking at and doing things, to the point where Ed is certainly one of those characters that I point to when people want to get to know me through fictional characters. I’ll always love the Fullmetal Alchemist. Even if he’s not technically an alchemist anymore, he’ll always be the alchemist in my soul. Even if he’s #2 now, I’ll always cherish him. ♥

Izumi Curtis --- MAMA IZUMI GETS SHIT DONE. I loooove Izumi, so very much. I love her not only because she’s a badass housewife / alchemist who strikes fear into the hearts of all who meet her---who easily tosses Sloth across the room even though Sloth was giving both Olivier and Alex trouble---but also because she has a heart of gold and is allowed to have her moments of vulnerability without that diminishing how badass she is. Izumi is allowed to be a grieving mother who lost her only biological child, she’s allowed to be there for her surrogate sons Ed and Al, she’s allowed to show moments of grief and pain without at all losing how incredible she is. Every moment that she goes Mama Boy over the boys is pure gold and just---every moment she has is pure gold, including when she sends Bradley packing. Izumi is amazing. I love her.

Riza Hawkeye --- I also really, really cherish Riza! What I love most about Riza is that I feel like, in a lesser shounen manga, her love for Roy would have been her motivation for enlisting in the military and swearing to follow him “into Hell, if necessary.” But that’s not the case here. Riza is in love with Roy, but her motivation for doing what she does is because she believes in his vision for their country, not because she loves him. This is why she is capable of shooting him (killing him) if necessary, if it seems as if he’s no longer going to be able to fulfill his promise and will instead actively work against it. Yes, it would break her heart to do so. It’s very obvious how much pulling the trigger would break her, but she can and will do it because what she swore to was his vision for Amestris. She won’t let anything, even her feelings for him, blind her to that. Riza lived through having an abusive father, survived the Ishbal Extermination, and has gone through so much more. She’s so strong, not only because she stays stoic in the face of most things, but because she continues to fight even though we see on numerous instances how much all of this has gotten to her. Her relationship with Roy is by far my favorite ship in the series (for so many reasons), but overall the reason why I love Riza so much is because of who she is shown to be outside of him. She’s compassionate, brave, wonderful with children, a very good dog mom, and overall just a believable and wonderful character. I love Riza. Riza is so good.

Ling Yao --- THE PRINCE OF MY HEART!! What I love most about Ling is how easily he flips between comedic relief and an actually serious character that shouldn’t be brushed aside. So many of his early scenes are full of shenanigans, but even those that are rife with shenanigans are peppered with moments of seriousness because of how serious Ling is about his duty to Xing. He wants immortality---and he doesn’t want it for himself, but for his people, and that’s not just limited to the Yao clan. Ling is willing to do anything for his people, because he believes that’s what a king should do, even if it means sacrificing his own autonomy to do it. I do think that was a reckless, irresponsible choice, but it is one that paid off in his favor, big time, so hey. Ling is great, though, and his relationship with Ed is amazing, a+++. I definitely love him.

Maes Hughes --- MAAAAES, RIP. I’m pretty sure Maes Hughes is one death that anime fans as a collective will never be over (however much we may make jokes about it sometimes). Particularly since Brotherhood made the mistake of rushing through to the point of divergence in the beginning, it always feels like Hughes died too soon. But the truth is that, no matter what, he did. He was an excellent husband and father, and he was a father not only to Gracia, but also to Winry and the Elrics. He was always, always there to support Roy, and however much Roy might have felt annoyed by the constant long phone calls at times, the fact that Roy is so severely affected by Hughes’ loss so late into the series . . . I mean, he doesn’t get his revenge on Envy until the very end, and when he does? Holy hot fucking damn, he’s downright terrifying. (I mean, I love it, but jesus fucking christ.) But anyway, back to Hughes himself, he was just such a sweet person and his life had such an impact and he just knew too much too soon. He was too smart, he had to be killed off so that the plot wouldn’t be solved too early. I know that, but it still hurts, and Elysia crying at his funeral will still slaughter me every single time, fuck. 

Alphonse Elric --- I feel kind of bad for having Al so low on this list, but make no mistake---I do love him! It’s just that I find his scenes / subplots a little less compelling than the characters listed above him. I do think he’s wonderful, though; he’s a complete sweetheart, and though it happens less often than it does with Ed, there are times when Al has a snarky little sassmouth on him as well, and those moments are always delightful. Also, he, too, had to deal with a lot of bullshit over the course of the series. He damn well does deserve his happy ending.

Maria Ross --- Maria is so underappreciated in the fandom, and like---I get that she spends the majority of the series off-screen because she had to go into exile in Xing (since she was framed for Hughes’ murder), but at the same time, she’s so good! She acts like a stern big sis for the Elrics (which they need at times, tbh), and she’s loyal and dedicated and hardworking and smart. I love her relationship with Denny, and I also love how she came back for the final fight, and this was a surprise to Mustang, he didn’t actually make this choice, she just did it and ajsldgjdsagda. Maria is great, I love her.

May Chang --- Honestly, this post (written by someone else) says everything about May that I could ever say and more. I love how well-developed she is, how she’s allowed to be feminine but is still focused on her goals, and how much depth there is to her character. May is absolutely fantastic. Princess of my heart, tbh.

Olivier Mira Armstrong --- And finally, the QUEEN OF THE NORTH HERSELF. While Olivier is obviously a badass who takes shit from absolutely no one, I love that she’s still allowed to be a person outside of that. She’s not vulnerable in the ways that’s expected of her, but at the same time she doesn’t abhor femininity either (and in fact, the expectation that she would is what she and Roy take advantage of in order to communicate without arousing suspicion). She cares deeply for her team at Briggs, you can tell she’s deeply affected by Buccaneer’s death, and while she’s frustrated by her brother and doesn’t really respect him, it’s clear that she also cares about him in her own way as well. Yeah, she takes command of the Armstrong family manor, but that’s because she had to in order to sneak the Briggs soldiers in, and she didn’t want to put responsibility on Alex’s shoulders that he wouldn’t be able to handle. (I mean, like, no offense to him---he obviously came through in a big way and she sees that later---but from her perspective, he left the battlefield during Ishbal, so therefore combat and combat pragmatism are not his strong suits, not in a wartime situation. She didn’t want to put him in that position, so she didn’t. She handled it herself. She did so in an abrasive way, yes, but I still think she had compassion for him at heart.) Olivier defies expectations and shatters them into pieces. It’s why the soldiers at Briggs follow her without question.  I love her, she’s great.

[magicarasa]

CFAC 09 Entries -- Part 1

First image by SpaceWeaver

Second image by Rob Joseph

Third image by Diego Gisbert Llorens

I’m not sure I’ve ever seen so many innovative designs. You all are really hitting this challenge hard. It’s awesome!

@amtgplayer

This is one bizarre take of the “PvE” idea: it fits in a normal game of multiplayer Magic, and mostly act as a normal Magic card — except with some probability, the players will then need to fight a monster together. (I took care that it only triggers in multiplayer.)

A major downside of this idea is that it is hard to describe a formidable adversary on a Magic card. Still, I think this example reasonably simulates a prison player that sits behind Ghostly Prisons. (Disclaimer: I don’t actually play multiplayer, so maybe I’m off by a lot.) Other “environmental players” can replace drawing cards with more interesting actions, like exiling cards from its owner’s library and casting some without paying the mana cost.

I don’t know how many rule problems will come with this idea, but I imagine the rule of thumb “the owner of the card makes all possible decisions” should eliminate most of them. (Yes, that means it “turns on” things like Fact and Fiction.)

This design is incredibly bizarre and absolutely nothing I ever expected to see. Masu will always have at least one intervention counter so it does become a big hurdle players have to commit to pretty quickly in order to take her down. Furthermore they have to do this after having their fields wiped. I think that task might be a little too difficult as is, but this is just so weird that I couldn’t say for sure. It does make for an interesting addition to a pillow fort deck--essentially telling players to attack this instead of the pillow fort player (though if they eliminate the real player this card leaves the game anyway so maybe it just means they should put more pressure on that player).

There are definitely a ton of rules issues but the concept here is really exciting. Well done!

Two points!

@dimestoretajic

Okay, here’s the thing.

I have no clue how Rain would affect the battlefield. None. I 100% believe it could work for the fan block, possibly in the same way weather affects combat in Pokémon, but how it would work outside of “things happen when it’s raining, or sunny, or snowing, or windy”, I have no clue. But… enjoy this “weather matters” card anyway? ^^;

Also Native American block FTW. :D

So basically the Steamflogger Boss of this contest. ;p The stats are reasonable, all depending on how Rain actually functions but even it’s easy to turn on, I’m imagining something a la world enchantments or planechase planes--you only have one active at a time so other players could make it sunny or whatever to negate the bonus. Weather matters is an intriguing concept.

Two points!

@morbidlyqueerious

So, this tackles two separate things, namely “angels that don’t care” from @nine-effing-hells and darkbond from @conorace .  I’m honestly not certain if this card even needs to be black, actually.  Also, the artifact thing is mostly from the art, but maybe it’s also unneeded?

I love the story that the flavor text adds to the effect here. As far as the effects go, I think it could be either WU or WB--white typically exiles while both blue and black steal things. If you wanted to push it, since the exile is creature removal, this could be bent into mono black. But at the same time it makes it even more iconic to have an unusual mana cost like this. Basically development can tweak that knob so it fits best in whatever set it’s in, which is nice.

The effects make sense but it’s in a bit of a weird space--just exiling one creature isn’t a huge play for a big investment on an otherwise vanilla creature, whereas if you get to steal a creature (and get an ETB trigger if it has one) for the same cost it’s a much bigger play without actually investing more (aside from running stuff that gets your opponent’s cards into exile first). Other than that I think an angel without flying would confuse a lot of players and that the art here is ambiguous enough that it could fly probably.

Two points!

@origins15

My thought process was inspired by the creation of atraxa from a lore perspective, how each praetor had a keyword of their color put into the creation. This is a collaborative effort between Sheoldred and Vorinclex. Their creation is ravenous, and is only sated through blood or mana.

I chose Phyrexian mana for flavor reasons, and I also felt that having the only payment option being two life would have been a little strong.

This is clearly a rattlesnake (rattle-gorgon?) something that’ll be a great defensive option, but can get some attacks through when necessary.

Nice use of Phyrexian mana. Cards that want other players to pay for something always run into this sort of problem and being able to pay two life instead of colored mana is an interesting option.

The problem is this is a lot of text to read sitting across the table, upside down, on an opponent’s card. Most players will accept it as a menace and deathtouch wielding gorgon and forget they can change that. However I think perhaps you could make effects like this a small focus in a set and perhaps give them a special frame in order to draw attention to them and clue players into the fact that they should be reading them pretty explicitly and keeping them in mind.

Two points!

@outerspace-messiah

Reading the creative bit, I figured story telling was a very important part of this plane, so I wanted to create a story telling mechanic. Chronicle acts like haunt or cipher in that it’s exiled and attached to the creature, but when it dies, it passes the story to another. Of course, not having another creature to pass the card to means the story is lost.

For the card itself, it looks like a lot because of ETB effect, but I was merely going for something flavorful based on the art that other Chronicle cards don’t have to have. The ETB turned out to work mechanically well with Chronicle though!

And of course, my only worries for the mechanic are the same as the problems with Haunt and Cipher, but that be a lesser problem since this is an unofficial set.

Which plane? We have a few we’re deciding from but no decision has been made yet. Chronicle is a neat mechanic, and it does have its issues. For one, being a permanent type that would remain on another creature but which is technically in exile is a big headache.

While mechanically quite different, my first thought was what if you had a Bestow variant that went on enchantment creatures and basically did what Chronicle does, except it would be attaching the aura to another creature (and thus it would still be on the battlefield).  Cool card, but it’s a lot to unpack and a tough area to play in.

Two points!

@sphinxs-revelation

I hope you recieved my lengthy submission for the Arcana mechanic on MtGFanset. This card is obviously intended as an enabler for it, though even without it, it leads to some interesting choices, espescially in multiplayer. It lets you help your teammates or appease would be enemies. You might want to reveal something harmeless… or better show them why not to mess with you?

Arcana actually posted from the queue, either earlier today or late yesterday, I’m not sure which.

Numbers on the card are solid here, especially since the lifegain is symmetrical. It is really cool to see just how many cards support this sort of effect, how innate they are to the game, and how the presence of such a mechanic can totally change how you evaluate those cards.

As for Arcana, it seems like it could be big trouble developmentally. Maybe a one-off fan set can skirt that trouble. Hedron Alignment gives free reveal triggers on your entire hand each upkeep. Madcap Experiment makes this totally broken by loading Arcana cards while putting in only as many artifact cards as are necessary to keep from dying. Just something people would definitely have to be aware of when working with this.

Two points!

[speaknowslut13]

Lauren my beloved! Sorry I missed yesterday, my life is chaos and also I was out of data haha.

Ohh very fun! I feel like kids that age are fun because their personalities are really starting to develop.

Awesome! I’ve also played flute since 5th grade and then I played piccolo in marching band all through college. I miss playing in groups, and I’m really hoping that’ll be possible again soon! You are to drums as I am to singing lmfao I was almost kicked out of choir in high school bc I canNOT carry a tune. What other instruments do you want to learn?

I love channels like that! That and cooking channels are the majority of my subscribed to haha so if you ever decide to start a YouTube, I will certainly be on your subscribers list. Understandable, Tiktok stresses me outtttt lol I go on from time to time bc my sister always sends me a bunch but then I have to delete the app again.

Awwwwwe oh my gosh, that’s so cute!! 🥺🥺 what was your wedding like? (Though I never plan on getting married myself, I loveeeeee weddings hehe) what kind of stuff do you like to do together?

Omggg what an incredible experience for rep tour! Tumblr during rep tour was one of my favorite times ever on tumblr, like so exciting to get clips of the b stage songs and see peoples posts about meeting her! What other concerts have you been too?

I’m hoping to visit Croatia at the end of august, if everything goes according to plan/covid doesn’t once again wreck my plans. I grew up in the northwestern US, and there people joke that the seasons are “fire season, road construction, winter” and winters are regularly so much snow, windy, and -20°, so not ideal conditions for enjoying them. Have you been to Grand Canyon or any of the other national parks in the southwest? They all look so beautiful, that’s one part of the US I would definitely like to see more of.

Thank you!! I’m really excited to be a student again but I am also really glad I took some time off. I enjoy Dostoevsky! Probably not my all time favorite, but my best friend loves him so I’ve read a lot of his stuff and talk about it a lot. Also a big fan of Byron and I have a love/hate relationship with Shakespeare. My favorite poet is ee cummings, I love Cynthia Kadohata, huge Neil Gaiman fan. And many many others haha but off the top of my head let’s go with that 😅

What do you write about? And in what medium? I write a lot of poetry and I like writing non fiction, but I learned in college that I am NOT a fiction writer hahaha.

What have you been up to this weekend?? I hope you’ve had a lovely day 💖 Drew

ps: I love reading your responses! Please don’t feel bad or stressed about writing a lot ✨✨

Hello, Drew! Chaos feels like the natural order of the world lately. It’s fine if you miss a day or two! I understand.

I actually never really wanted to be married myself. I figured if I did, I’d be at least 30. I wanted to get school done first. Then, after my previous relationship, I decided I wanted to be alone. Fate had different plans. I also wasn’t sure I wanted kids. Changed my mind. However one is plenty. One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone invalidates a person’s choices by saying “oh you’ll change your mind”. So even though I changed mine, I won’t be implying or outright denying that you don’t know your own mind.

My wedding was small. We eloped. It was a complicated situation with his family at the time, and we had decided to have the protection of a legal document since we were living together anyway. We picked randomly picked the day. Turned out to be Valentine’s Day. So, I, along with millions of other people, got married at a court house. In fact, someone was wearing my same dress that day! It was awkward. We have yet to have any celebration outside of that day. It was just my immediate family. However, I’ve never regretted marrying him and I still look back fondly on it. Fun fact: his parents found out we were married after we totaled their truck a few months later. Not so fun fact: that was the scariest accident I’ve been in to date. Accident wasn’t our fault and at least in this accident I had airbags. Ever been in an accident? Or in one without modern crash technology? It’s not very fun. Hurts a lot. I remember having to tell my father in law, on the side of the road, that Chase and I had actually gotten married. He was stunned but super supportive. Like I previously said, it was complicated . And I can get into it more, but there’s so much else to address right now!

We really like sitting in silence on our phones together! 😂 We are one of those annoying couples who like to do everything together. We are practically attached at the hip and the pandemic has only made it worse. He’s really interested in getting into D&D. We like playing video games together. We both love swimming. We both really want to travel. I’d love to take him to Europe. We like movies. But we both compliment our different likes and knowledge. He loves animated movies and animes and I love books. We both love art. He’s so good. He lets me do his makeup and nails from time to time. It doesn’t bother him at all. But not only that he’s really helpful at making sure I get my medicines and that I get rest when I need it. Throughout the lockdown he’d do all the running around so I wouldn’t have to go out since I’m immuno compromised. Sometimes I feel like he’s too good to me and the kid. I try to give back what I can. But honestly, he’s my best friend too.

Ahem. Enough gushing.

Other than some musicals and local symphonies, I’ve never been to any other concerts! Weird. I know! I’ve wanted to but never have. I’ve always wanted to see Imagine Dragons. Or Panic! at the Disco. There’s a few artists actually, I’d love to go see.

Croatia is BEAUTIFUL. My time in Europe was 2 weeks during July. I’m in love with it. If you go, Rijeka is wonderful. But near Rijeka is a mountain town called Fužine. It’s MAGICAL. I spent most of my time there. One of the upsides to staying in Rijeka is that it’s just a few hours away from Venice, too. Which. Was also breathtaking. I cried at the beauty of it. I have pictures of these places and I love looking at them. But they also make me a little sad. For multiple reasons. We had a layover in Munich on our way home and so we spent two days there as well. We drove up to the Neuschwanstein castle. It was amazing. But the most harrowing part of that stop was at the site of Dachau. I will never forget the heaviness of it. I had to stop halfway through. It was too much for my sensitivity. A privilege I will never forget.

I was able to visit Idaho (Rexburg) during October and December one year and I loved it. I’ve only ever been to Washington (coastal) and Oregon during the summer months. I wanted to go to school in Washington, originally. Thought I’d move up there. Now the goal is to ultimately expat. Canada, likely. We will see if that ever pans out, though.

I’ve been to the Grand Canyon once when I was 10 or 11(?). We went during December to ride the “Polar Express”. It’s a special event they run during the winter months before Christmas. We were snowed in so we stayed an extra day and took the train to the Grand Canyon. So I got to see it all snowy and clear. It’s gorgeous and I highly recommend it once. I don’t know if I would ever really go back but I might take the kid someday. I at least want her to go on the Polar Express ride. It’s cute and fun for the kids. I was a little too old to fully enjoy it, but my little sister was roughly the right age.

I’ve been to several places in Arizona. The missions, Jerome, and I’ve also been to some places in Colorado and New Mexico. I can’t recall all their names off the top of my head and it was a long time ago.

I greatly appreciate anyone who can write poetry. It is not my forte. They come out childish and awkward. So, I keep those to myself. I write anything and everything. I have several stories, but three top priority right now. One is complete but needs serious reworking and revision. I started it when I was 15. It’s a paranormal mystery with romance. The second one is a fantasy that I started with a friend when I was 14/15. It has its own world and has taken on a life of its own since then. It’s massive. And the third one is a coming of age story. It’s my most delicate one. I started it when I was 21. I have shared an excerpt on tumblr of this one. It’s my most complicated one yet. Like any artist, I’m constantly second guessing my work and lamenting my talent.

This weekend has been mostly spent recharging. I’ve been helping my mom with a project. And of course swimming. I’m a child at heart and I bought myself a mermaid tail. I’ve elevated my pool game. It’s so much fun but my body is yelling at me. I’m not as energetic as I was in my youth. You mentioned marching band? You and I really do have much in common! Not only are you a flautist, but a marching one at that?! I marched in high for two years. I loved it but I started to get burned out. And then I started horseback riding and planned to do that instead. My parents couldn’t afford to do both. And then I caught mono. Looking back, I understand why my mono knocked me out for so long (it’s linked to my autoimmune issues) but at the time every one of my friends thought I was being dramatic. It was kind of a horrible experience. So even if I had signed up for band my junior year, I would’ve had to quit. And then my senior year I signed up for this program that put me through a college program to get my EMT-B. I didn’t take band at all that year. Now I just play for myself. Ideally I’d learn every instrument.

I actually couldn’t sing very well for the longest time. Which was ironic because my mom was operatically trained. My older sister was also trained. And my little sister preferred chorus to band. I ended up teaching myself later. So now I don’t sound terrible but I’m not going to take my solo act on the road anytime soon.

If I can teach myself makeup, art, instruments, and other various things, then maybe I can also someday be brave enough to put myself out there on the internet. And if I do, I will definitely let you know! I will at least have 3 subscribers. 😂

Tell me about this trip you’re planning to Croatia!