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#though I know there's not really any control over that
blackenedsnow · 3 days
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Hey there! I love your writing. I was wondering if you could write something where Michael Myers is super possessive and protective of the reader. The reader is normally really independent and tough, but they get into a situation where they actually need help—maybe they’re being stalked or harassed by someone, and Michael steps in?
silent guardian
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WARNING: Possessiveness, stalking/harassment, violence, gore, toxic protectiveness, mention of murder.
PAIRING: Michael Myers x Reader
NOTE: Take you for your request! Enjoy!
SUMMARY: You're used to handling things on your own. You've always been independent and strong, never needing anyone’s help—until someone starts stalking you. At first, you think you can deal with it, but the situation escalates beyond your control. Michael Myers, lurking in the shadows, has always kept a watchful eye on you, and now, when you truly need help, he's more than ready to step in.
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You had always prided yourself on your independence, on being the kind of person who could handle whatever came their way. You never needed anyone to protect you, and you certainly didn’t need anyone watching over you like some fragile thing. Life had thrown its fair share of challenges your way, but you'd learned to fight through them on your own terms.
That was before the stalking started.
At first, it was just unnerving—someone watching you too closely, lingering in places you couldn’t see, leaving a trail of anxiety wherever you went. But lately, things had escalated. You’d started noticing small signs, messages left behind, your name scrawled on your car window in the condensation, items in your home moved just slightly out of place.
You tried to brush it off, convincing yourself you could handle it. After all, you weren’t one to be scared so easily. But the weight of someone constantly lurking in the background was starting to wear on you, making you jump at shadows and lock every door twice.
It was only when the situation came to a head that you realized just how far out of control things had gotten.
You were on your way home late one night, cutting through a dark alley you had taken a hundred times before, when you heard the footsteps behind you. They weren’t subtle. Whoever was following you wanted you to know they were there.
Your heart raced, your breath catching in your throat as you quickened your pace, trying to lose whoever it was. But no matter how fast you walked, the footsteps stayed right behind you, the presence growing closer with each second.
Fear gnawed at you, a feeling you hadn’t experienced in a long time. You turned a corner, hoping to lose them in the winding streets, but they were relentless. Panic set in as you reached a dead-end, and for the first time in a long while, you felt trapped.
Before you could react, the figure appeared at the mouth of the alley, stepping out of the darkness.
Your instincts screamed at you to run, but there was nowhere to go. Just as the shadow moved toward you, something else stirred in the darkness—something much larger, much more dangerous.
Michael. Though, you didn't know it yet.
He stepped out from the shadows like a force of nature, his massive form blocking the alleyway. The stalking figure stopped dead in their tracks, fear flickering in their eyes as they realized who and what they were up against.
Michael didn’t speak. He didn’t need to. The air around him was thick with menace, his silent fury directed entirely at the person who had dared to follow you.
Without warning, Michael lunged, grabbing the stalker by the throat with one hand and slamming them against the wall. The sound of the impact echoed through the narrow alley, but Michael didn’t stop there. His grip tightened, cutting off any chance of escape for the unfortunate soul who had crossed his path.
You watched, frozen in place, your heart pounding in your chest. Michael’s eyes, under the mask, cold and empty, locked onto the stalker with a single-minded intensity, as if this person’s fate had already been decided.
In a matter of seconds, the threat was neutralized, the stalker left gasping for air on the ground, barely conscious. Michael didn’t spare them a second glance.
He turned to you then. The intensity was still there, but now it was different—possessive, protective. He stepped closer, and despite everything, despite knowing the monster he was, you felt a sense of relief wash over you.
You weren’t alone.
For a moment, the two of you just stood there in the darkness, the weight of the situation settling in. You had always been the strong one, the independent one, but here, in the shadow of someone who lived for violence, you realized that even you needed help sometimes. And Michael—whether out of obsession, possessiveness, or something darker—had always been watching, always ready to step in when you needed him most.
He didn’t speak, didn’t ask if you were okay. That wasn’t his way. Instead, he reached out, his hand roughly grabbing your arm.
A strange comfort settled over you. In his twisted way, Michael had become your protector.
And in that moment, you didn’t mind being his.
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florawrites-blog · 3 days
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It all started with a deal.
No emotions. No attachments. Just a bit of fun and company in the late hours. Jay was every bit the gentleman, respectful of the boundaries you set. He was calm, composed, and always took care of things without crossing the line. You appreciated that about him, his quiet dominance—something that never screamed control, but rather, a gentle guidance that made you feel secure. He didn’t smother you; he just knew how to be there.
You didn’t expect to feel anything beyond the surface. But slowly, things began to shift.
It happened so subtly that you couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment you began falling for him. Maybe it was the way he’d bring you your favorite coffee without asking, or the way his fingers would linger a second too long when he brushed a strand of hair from your face. And Jay… well, he started falling first, though he hid it well. You noticed the way he looked at you—like he was seeing something beyond what you showed him. He became a bit more protective, a bit more dominant in ways that made your heart race.
It was during one of those colder nights that you got sick. You tried to push through it, ignoring the weakness in your body, but Jay noticed right away. He didn’t ask; he insisted. He made you stay over at his apartment, not taking no for an answer.
“You’re staying here,” he had said firmly, already leading you inside, his hand on your lower back. You argued, reminded him about the deal, about the fact that you weren’t supposed to be involved like this. But Jay didn’t care. “Don’t argue. You need rest, and I’ll feel better knowing you’re here.”
With a frustrated sigh, you eventually relented. His apartment was quiet, a reflection of him—minimalistic, but warm. Before he left, he handed you one of his white blouses. “Wear this if you’re uncomfortable,” he said, his voice low and a bit softer than usual. You took it, not really thinking much about it, until later that night.
You found yourself alone in his apartment, your body wrapped in his oversized blouse, the fabric carrying his scent. The sleeves hung past your hands, and for some reason, it made you feel… safe. As you wandered around, feeling the cool air brush against your bare legs, you realized something was changing between the two of you. Something deeper than you were willing to admit.
Later that night, after you had finally drifted into sleep on his couch, Jay came back. The door clicked shut softly, and he stepped inside, his movements quiet. He paused when he saw you, lying there in his shirt, hair splayed across the cushion, your lips parted slightly as you slept. For a moment, he just stood there, admiring the scene in front of him. The faint moonlight from the window cast a glow over your sleeping figure, and Jay’s heart swelled with something he couldn’t deny any longer.
He didn’t wake you. Instead, he just watched, leaning against the doorframe, the urge to reach out and touch you almost overwhelming. But he resisted, knowing this was dangerous territory. He was already too far gone.
Things came to a head a few days later, during an argument neither of you saw coming.
“I can’t handle this, Jay,” you said, your voice sharp with frustration. “You’re giving me too much affection, too much attention. We had a deal, remember?”
Jay didn’t respond right away. He just stood there, looking at you, his gaze intense and unwavering. His silence made you even more flustered. You expected him to argue, to push back, to defend himself. But he didn’t. Instead, he just stepped closer, his eyes locking with yours, so deep and unreadable that it made your breath catch.
“Say something,” you demanded, trying to keep your voice steady.
But he didn’t. He just nodded, the tiniest movement, like he understood. Like he knew exactly what you were feeling, even if you didn’t.
And that’s when it hit you. Whatever you said wouldn’t stop him. Jay was hooked—more than you realized, more than you even were. His actions spoke louder than any argument you could have. He wasn’t going to stop caring for you, wasn’t going to stop being there, even if it scared the both of you.
Because, deep down, you knew—he was far more hooked on you than you were on him.
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lolahauri · 8 hours
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˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ It's Your Sex I Can Smell, P2
Ship: Ticci Toby/Reader
Type: Explicit Smut, F/M, Part 2/3. (MDNI)
Contains: Dom Reader, Sub Toby, Missionary Position, Handjob, Female Masturbation, Vibrators, Edging, Orgasm Control, Crying, A LOT of Teasing & Begging, Creampie, Praise, Dirty Talk, Lots of "Good Boy", Love Confession, Post-Sex Cuddling.
Words: 3k
M/M Ver: Coming Soon...
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A/N: Hope this doesn't disappoint! So sorry for the wait. <3 Part 1 <-
Much to your dismay, nearly all of the shops in town were closed today. Meaning your only options for grabbing household essentials were a couple gas stations that decided to stay open on a national holiday. You weren’t happy about it at all, but you tried to look on the bright side. At least you could get home to Toby sooner, right? Now that you don’t have to browse a large grocery store. 
You moved the small bags of food to one hand and opened the door to the cabin. “Tobes! I’m home early!” you yelled out into the living room, not checking to see if he was actually still there first. “I guess it’s some kind of… holiday…?” Your voice lowered and your sentence was interrupted when you heard strange sounds coming from the opposite end of the house. 
“The fuck is that?” You thought to yourself as you set the bags on the table. It sounded like some kind of crying almost? Was Toby hurt? What could have even happened in the hour you were gone? He was literally the only one home. It couldn’t have been a cooking accident, he was eating when you left. Plus, he was clearly not in the kitchen. 
Worried someone, or something, had broken in, you moved cautiously down the hall, pocket knife in hand. You weren’t sure at first, but you knew now the sound was definitely coming from your room. But why would he be in your…
....
....
Oh!
You covered your mouth to hush the loud gasp threatening to escape. Peeking past the doorway to your room once again, you almost couldn’t believe what you were seeing. Toby, your best friend, in your bed, masturbating, and smelling your… used underwear... Jesus Christ. 
It wasn’t often you were left speechless, but this was one of the rare times you were. What had you most confused though were your own feelings. You wanted to believe it was just something between pity and disgust, but the heat spreading between your thighs told you that wasn’t all you felt. 
It was embarrassing, really. On one hand you wanted to yell at him, slap him across the face for being so fucking disgusting. But on the other, you wanted to keep watching, maybe even join him. There’s something so grossly erotic about watching him please himself with your belongings, thinking he’s alone, that he’ll get away with it and you’ll never know. 
You didn’t even realize how hard you were spaced out until you were snapped out of it by Toby’s orgasm. Your cunt throbbed suddenly, your eyes widening again. He was whimpering and crying out your name while his cum soaked your underwear. You cringed at the sight, it was both sickening and insanely arousing. As he went to remove the article from his lap, you figured now would be as good a time as any to make your presence known. You didn’t want him to get too tired before you could play with him a little. 
Walking into the room quietly, you leaned against the door frame, putting your knife back in your pocket. “Having fun, Toby? God, you’re so fucking pathetic.” You bit your lip and smiled to hold back a laugh, watching as he immediately jumped at the sound of your voice and locked eyes with you. Did he really not know you were there at all? Guess he’s not only a pervert, but fucking oblivious too. 
You could practically see the gears turning in his head as you stepped further into your room. He began sputtering out apologies and stuffing his cock back into his pants, tripping and stuttering over his words to the point you could barely understand him. He seemed so caught up in his panic he didn’t even notice that you’d turned to lock the door, now carefully stepping towards him.
“Relax, Tobes. I’m not gonna hurt you. Jesus...” You couldn't help but giggle a little, he's kind of adorable when he's scared.
Wait, what? That shut him up right away.
"U-uhm, you-you're not?" He looked and sounded both confused and cautious. Is this some kind of trick? Are you about to kill him? His heart raced as you stepped right in front of him.
"No, of course not." You took off your jacket and carefully climbed into the bed with him, straddling one of this thighs and wrapping your arms around his neck. "I wanted to join you actually. Is that okay, Toby?
Toby looks up at you in disbelief, wondering if he actually died and went to heaven. He figures this has to be a trap, there's no god damn way you're trying to fuck him right now.
But on the other hand, you definitely could've killed him already if you wanted to. You must not mean any harm. So what's the worst that could happen then? You lead him on, you don't let him cum? He would deserve that so he couldn't really complain-
"Toby? Hellooo?" He jumped at your voice, clearly unaware he was lost in thought.
"S-sorry, uh, yes? Of course!" His voice cracked a bit. He carefully put on a hand on your waist, testing the waters first. He then gazed up at you with those big brown puppy eyes, waiting for you to take the lead.
"Great. You just lay back and be a good boy then, got it?" You whispered. He obediently nodded in return, whining at the nickname.
Time for the fun to begin.
You ran your hands from his shoulders all the way down his torso, just barely feeling the muscles and scars on his body through his sweatshirt. His breathe becoming shaky the further you trailed down south, the anticipation making every hair on his body stand up. By the time your fingers reached the waistband of his boxers, he was nearly squirming under your touch.
His jeans were still unbuttoned and barely covered his growing bulge, leaving him to be easily accessed. You held one hand on his hip to keep him still, and let the other move to his cock, gently palming him through his boxers. A relieved sigh slipped past Toby's lips as his cock jumped at the sensation.
An uncomfortable ache spread between your legs the longer you played with his cock. Squeezing your thighs together was no longer providing any relief, but you just couldn't stop teasing him. Every little noise that came from him made a spark of electricity shoot through you, and the feeling of his cock non-stop twitching and throbbing under your palm only made you want more.
You could sense you weren't the only one feeling impatient though when he started bucking his hips up to meet your touch. Toby let out a strangled moan as you ghosted your fingers over his tip, feeling that it'd already begun leaking precum, leaving a small wet patch on his underwear.
"Please..." His voice was barely above a whisper, moving his hips up again to press into your hand.
"Mm-mm." You shook your head at him and removed your hands from his bulge. "None of that. Stay still and tell me what you want."
He whined in discomfort, covering his reddening face with his hands, already struggling with the loss of contact. "Plea- please..." Is all he managed to get out. "God, this is embarrassing" he thought.
" 'Please' what? C'mon, be a good boy and use your words." Hands now tracing along the waistband of his underwear. His only response was a groan in frustration, trying again to thrust up, only to be met with you pinning him down harder with both hands. "Listen, I'm not going to say it again, Toby. Tell me what you want, or you're not getting anything at all." 
"Ughh. Fuck, just-just touch me. Please, anything. Need... need more." He was tossing and turning underneath you, getting increasingly antsy and impatient
"That's all I needed to hear." Before he could whine in annoyance at your condescension, you'd already dipped your hand back into his pants. Only this time instead of more teasing, you fully pulled his cock out and brought his pants down just enough to leave him fully out on display. He wasn't the only one craving more.
The cool air hitting his blazing hot skin made him shiver, but you were quick to start warming him up. You gently wrapped a hand around Toby's cock as you knelt between his legs, stroking him at an agonizingly slow pace. He didn't complain yet though, he was just happy you were touching him at all.
After a few slow pumps of his cock, you stopped to tease his tip, smearing the precum dribbling out and using it as lube as you continued. Toby's face was flushed and sweaty when you started to pick up the pace, jerking him off just quick enough to not be too teasing, but still not enough to bring him to the edge. Just what you wanted.
"F-faster..." He begged, huffing and gripping the bed sheets.
"You want more?" You smirked when he nodded his head eagerly. "Okay, what's the magic word?"
Normally he would've been pissed off at you for talking to him like that, mocking and taunting him, but right now, any shame he had was long gone. He was willing and ready to do any and every thing you asked of him.
"P-lease! Pleasee go faster!" His voice strained, body twitching underneath you. The constant flow of whimpers makes your cunt throb painfully, but you aren't done playing yet. You're just getting started.
"That's it, good boy, good boy." You leaned your head down a bit to spit on his aching cock, immediately earning a high-pitched moan from him. You started jerking him off at a fast pace, letting your other hand move down to cup his balls. He gasped as you began to gently massage and rub them, feeling almost overwhelmed with pleasure.
He whimpers your name and grips your arms tightly, "I'm- I'm getting s-soo close. Holyy shit"
"Yeah? You wanna cum?"
"Fuuck yess, please let me cum." He sounded so cute and pathetic you almost considered letting him. But unfortunately for him, you're not done yet.
"Mm, I don't think so." The hand that was stroking his cock slowed to a full stop before you pulled both of them away. He whimpered at the sudden loss of contact and looked at you with half lidded eyes, looking like a sad little puppy.
"W-why?" Was all he could get out, his voice sounding so weak and defeated.
"Oh come on, you already came once today. I should be able to have some fun too, don't you think?." He looked away and blushed, feeling guilty and embarrassed. You shuffled out from between his legs and moved further down the bed.
"Tell you what," You started to pull your t-shirt off, "I'll let you watch. And maybe if you behave I'll let you touch yourself too. How's that sound?"
Toby's eyes were glued to your tits the entire time you spoke, but eventually he stuttered out an agreement. He couldn't deny that he had definitely fantasized about watching you masturbate before. He'd be crazy to not take you up on this offer.
You then slowly pulled down your shorts and panties, trying not to giggle as you watched him follow your every move, practically drooling in anticipation.
When you were finally undressed, you leaned back on one arm, spreading your legs and letting Toby see the mess he made of you already. His cock jumped at the sight of your glistening cunt, whining a little under his breathe.
"Tobes, open my nightstand and toss me my vibrator." He listened straight away, doing it as fast as possible, so eager to watch.
You started on the lowest setting first to tease yourself a little, wanting to last as long as possible and give Toby a real good show. The toy buzzed lightly as you slowly ran it up your pussy, wetting it with your juices.
A relieved sigh escaped you when the toy finally reached your neglected clit. Despite being fully exposed to the rooms chilly air, your skin was on fire. Waves of tingling heat washing over you.
You slowly rubbed it in tight circles, watching Toby the entire time. He was anxiously shifting in his seat, wanting so desperately to join you, but he knew he had to wait for your approval. He looked so cute sitting there waiting for your command. God, how you wanted him to just crawl on top of you fuck you right then.
That wouldn't be a punishment, though. You'll have to let him take lead next time.
Your cunt clenched around nothing as you lowered your gaze to his cock, imagining how it'd feel inside you. He's big. It'd probably stretch you out real good. Fuck, this is going way too slow for your liking. You needed more.
You inhaled sharply as you turn the vibration speed up, setting it at medium. "Shit..." You rubbed your clit in long, slow strips. It was getting hard to stay slow, you wanted to cum so bad, but you tried to hold out as long as possible.
"You wanna join, Toby?" Looking into his eyes, you could already tell the answer.
"Ye-yes please." He replied so cautiously, yet he was quick to grab his aching cock. He started to jerk himself off like he was in a rush, way too fast to not cum soon.
"Hey, slow down. Stay with me, 'kay?" You said as sternly as you could at the moment. But you had to admit your confidence was faltering at bit.
Toby nodded and slowed down, his breathing getting shaky and ragged as he stared at your cunt, watching your juices drip onto the sheets. He felt so hot and dizzy. All he wanted was to be inside you. He couldn't stop the whimpers that came out after each stroke of his cock. He sounded like he was about to cry.
And that only turned you on more.
You clicked your vibrator one last time, putting it on the highest setting and rubbing yourself faster. You cursed and moaned as you swiped the toy across your clit over and over and over. The muscles in your thighs and abdomen started to tense up. An intense pressure rapidly building up. You were going to cum at any minute, you couldn't stop it now.
Toby was feeling the exact same way, listening to your pretty moans as he watched you fuck yourself was making him lose his god damn mind. He started begging you to let him finish too, he couldn't handle anymore edging. He might actually start sobbing if you deny him again.
"Can I cum wi-with you? Please? Please, please, please!" His voice cracked and wavered, small tears brimming his eyes.
You were seconds away from your climax now, but you still didn't let up, "No-no fucking way! Don't you -oh fuck- don't you dare fucking cum. Wait till- till you're inside."
You could barely get your sentence out before cumming all over your vibrator. The feeling hit you like a train, like you were about to pass out from the intensity and exhaustion. You nearly screamed from the pleasure, quickly becoming overstimulated as you rode out your orgasm.
When it was over, you felt limp, barely able to keep yourself propped up. Damn. Guess you will have to let Toby take it from here. You've probably punished him enough anyway, why not give him a treat?
You lazily tossed your vibrator onto the floor, calling Toby's name and catching his attention immediately. The look on his face made your heart jump.
Oh, poor baby. His eyes were so glossy with tears, panting from being worked up so much. But what a good boy he was, listening to your every word. He's definitely earned this.
You spread your legs open again, beckoning him to come forward. "C'mere baby, finish inside me, you earned it."
He didn't wait a second to jump at the opportunity, not wanting to wait and have you change your mind. He crawled on top of you and wasted no time slipping himself inside.
You both gasped at the intrusion, his big cock stretched you out perfectly, and his eyes were rolling back at how fucking tight and soaked you were. He didn't even have to wait to start pounding into you like an animal, he slid right in and fucked you with ease.
Toby knew he wasn't going to last long, so he savored this feeling as long as he could. He buried his face into your neck, moaning after each thrust, slamming into you as hard and fast as he physically could.
He was falling apart quickly though, the way your walls squeezed around him left him breathless. He gripped onto the sheets tightly and sunk his teeth into the tender flesh of your throat. Not hard enough to bleed, but enough to make you gasp and tighten around him. You felt so good he couldn't believe it.
He wished this could last forever, but he just couldn't hold off any longer, feeling the pressure of his long-awaited orgasm sneak up on him already. He moved his hands off of your sheets and snaked his arms underneath you and around your torso, pulling you into a tight embrace before he came.
His thrusts became sloppy and erratic as he reached his climax, now completely unable to hold back all his pretty little noises. His exhausted body trembled as he came deep inside you, crying into your neck and muttering "i love you" over and over again. He stayed inside until he was totally spent, trying to cock warm you as long as could.
It took all of his willpower to finally pull out of you, he wished he could relish in the feeling of being inside you forever. But for now, cuddling your sweaty, equally tired self would have to do.
He collapsed next you and pulled you back into his chest, refusing to let go of you even to clean up, insisting you wait until morning to shower together.
And you accepted that, too tired to argue back as you felt sleepiness take over, quietly dozing off with his strong arms wrapped around you.
~
A/N: Thanks for reading! I luv you all! (❁´◡`❁)
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mariyekos · 2 days
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I like to imagine Dante's able to use some basic magic beyond just typical demonic stuff. In the opening of DMC1, a magic circle appears below Trish when Dante shoots the motorcycle back at her, so I like to think Dante knows some basic spells, wards, and the like. For the most part he uses it for little things like making a special lock for his Devil Arm vault, maybe heating up soup or a drink that's gone cold, and so on, rather than any combat things. Dante's spells are not at all refined and he doesn't have a natural talent for it, per se, but he has a lot of power he can put into things so he often ends up brute forcing whatever it is. It's not necessarily efficient, but it works, and that's all he cares about. He's not really interested in most precise or specific things.
Vergil on the other hand has a lot more control and a much greater interest in magic in general. A post DMC5 Vergil (and pre DMC3) would use magic a lot more often, and without as much prep. He spent a lot of time learning different charms etc. to use in daily life, and he's a lot more elegant about it. Some he learned when on the run and trying to hide from demons, while others he learned when trying to track down Sparda, and others still he learned for purely convenience reasons. Post DMC5 he gets a lot more into it than he did pre DMC3 when it was more a thing of survival, even if it had the convenience aspect back then too. He's the kind of person who would learn spells for the sake of knowing them, and while he prefers using demonic abilities in combat, he might try to learn a magical combat spell or two just to see what it's like. He mostly sticks to practical things though (which sit on the border of practicality, but he considers them practical, uses them often, and makes Dante's magic look like child's play).
On the magical third (regrown!) hand, Nero's absolutely horrible at magic, to the point of not being able to do basically anything. He's got the magical reserves, but unlike Vergil who can cast precise spells with relatively little effort, or Dante who gets through spells by basically overloading them until they work, Nero just can't get magic to work for him at all. Lessons with Vergil end with him stomping out when he gets fed up with Vergil commenting on how easy it should be, while attempts to get Dante to explain how he casts magic end in frustration when Dante's explanations basically start and end at "I dunno, it, it just works." Sure Nero can memorize and draw a warding sigil perfectly, but any and all attempts to get it to actually do anything end in failure.
Kyrie, in a reveal that surprises everyone, most of all herself, is apparently extremely talented at magic, which she does not know until she sees Nero trying and failing to activate a warding sigil Vergil taught him, puts a finger on it so she can trace over it as she reviews Nero's work in case he messed something up, and inadvertently activates it. After that they end up doing some testing and discover Kyrie is a natural when it comes to magic. The only problem is that while casting spells, activating sigils, and the like come easily to her, her magical reserves are rather small, limiting what she's able to do. When she first activates the sigil Nero had drawn, she ends up unable to get up and Nero has to carry her to bed (which she insists he doesn't have to do, because she just needs a minute to catch her breath, but he insists on)
Nico is stoked to hear about this and ends up figuring out a way to essentially fit Kyrie and Nero with a magic converter that allows Kyrie to draw on the magical reserves Nero can't utilize so that she can use them for whatever she wants to. While Kyrie isn't someone who really cares to use magic for things in her daily life like Dante and Vergil, she does use it to make little charms for the kids, and to establish wards around the house to protect them from demon attacks and other small misfortunes. She and Vergil end up bonding a little bit as he teaches her the spells and other bits of magic Nero was never able to pick up on.
(Vergil himself feels a mixture of pride at how quickly she picks up on things with his instruction, and jealousy when he sees how good she is at things first or second try when he knows it took him a good five or ten attempts to get it down when he was first learning. Kyrie notices and tells him that he's still much better than her in the long run since he's able to use magic without needing a separate "battery" to power him, but Nero absolutely digs into Vergil about it when Kyrie isn't there. Dante meanwhile finds it all hilarious. But he and Nero are pretty proud of Kyrie too.)
#erurandomness#dmc#eru hcs#i love mundane magic#i do like hc'ing eva as having known some magic#i don't usually hc her as an umbra witch herself but i will flop between hc'ing her with umbra witch ancestors-#-or eva just being a witch herself. she also knew some basic spells and did try to fight the demons when they came#i think in this hc verse eva would've used little bits of magic around the boys#and that's part of what motivates vergil to try to learn magic beyond just what his demonic power allows him to do#while they can channel their demonic power into using magic as a fuel source magical aptitude is separate from demonic heritage#the magical aptitude they got from eva. unfortunately nero did not inherit it#some of the people of fortuna were witches way back when though. and kyrie DID inherit the gene for magical aptitude!#a few of them. she's got more natural talent than dante and vergil combined. she's just not interested in fighting#and like i said above she doesn't really have the fuel source for it. hence nico making the converter for Nero#mages also have their own magic fuel source that dante vergil and nero can draw from#it's essentially the primary tank. with demonic power being a backup that can be converted to fill that tank when it empties#so what kyrie is drawing on is nero's magic tank most of the time. nero has it but he's unable to use it.#this way nero and kyrie can fight together if she does decide to fight. or she can do little magic w/o using his demonic power#i will maybe expand on this later i was supposed to go to bed forty minutes ago whoops#eruwrites#devil may cry
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eiralunaire · 11 hours
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Damian Wayne/Reader
Warning: soft, fluff, pregnant Reader.
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Damian Wayne, with his usual seriousness, had taken on a new air since he found out he was going to become a father. He was always attentive, even more so after that casual conversation in which Reader mentioned how fragile a pregnancy was in the early stages. That simple information had deeply disturbed him, and although he did not admit it, the fear of losing her, or the baby, ate away at him inside.
Now, no matter what she was doing, Damian was always by her side, almost like a protective shadow. If she got up from the couch to go to the kitchen, he was behind her, making sure she did not bend too much, that she did not lift heavy things, and even that she did not stand for too long.
“You don’t need to do that, Damian. I’m fine,” she said, smiling tenderly as she tried to wash a plate.
But he, unfazed, took the plate from her hands with a gentle but firm gesture, placing it back in the sink.
“You don’t need to make unnecessary efforts. I can do it.”
Reader sighed, understanding that although he might seem excessive, his gestures were full of love and concern. The simple fact that she bent down to pick something up from the floor put him on the verge of panic.
“You read it in that book, right? The fetus is still very fragile in the first trimester,” she had told him one night while reading one of the many books about pregnancy that he had accumulated in the house. It was a casual comment, not intended to alarm him, but for Damian, the words remained like a permanent echo in his mind.
That night, he couldn’t sleep well. The image of something happening to Reader or the baby haunted him every time he closed his eyes. And from then on, his attention became more acute. If they went out for a walk, his hand always rested on the small of her back, guiding her carefully. At home, he offered to sit her down whenever she seemed tired, even if it was just a little.
“Damian, honey, I’m really okay. I’m not made of glass,” she would tell him, smiling sweetly.
But he would just nod, his jaw clenched slightly as his green eyes looked at her with concern. He was a warrior, trained to fight crime, but this new challenge, the fragility of life inside his wife, made him feel out of control.
There were nights when, even though Reader slept peacefully, he would lie awake, watching her chest rise and fall with each breath. His hand, always delicate, caressed her still barely bulging belly, as if he could protect the baby just by touching her.
One afternoon, Reader tried to bend down to pick up a book she had dropped, and before she could even reach out her hand, Damian was already kneeling in front of her, taking the book and quickly standing up.
“You don’t have to bend down. I’ll take care of it,” he said in a serious tone, but with a slight concern in his eyes.
She laughed softly, caressing his cheek. “I can’t live my life without bending over from time to time. You know that, right?”
“Yes, but if there is any risk, even a small one, I prefer to prevent it.”
The intensity of his gaze told Reader that it wasn’t simply a logical precaution; for him, every little movement represented a possible threat. But at the same time, that intensity was charged with love and devotion.
When it was time to sleep, Damian made sure that Reader was completely comfortable. He strategically placed pillows to support her back and belly, adjusted the sheets, and even monitored the temperature of the room to make sure it was perfect.
And although it might seem exaggerated, Reader knew that all of this was a sign of the immense love that Damian felt, a love that had transformed him from a vigilante obsessed with justice into a husband and future father full of tenderness and, above all, fear of losing what he valued most in the world.
“I’m going to be okay, Damian. We’re doing fine,” she assured him every night, intertwining her fingers with his as she gave him a soft kiss on the lips.
“I know,” he replied, though his gaze still showed the shadow of that constant worry.
Because for Damian Wayne, every day was a battle against the fear of losing the woman he loved and the future they had begun to build together. And as long as that fear accompanied him, he would never stop being by her side, protecting her with every fiber of his being.
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deadguywalkin · 18 hours
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nsfw hcs for seb/sam/alex both solo & together because i’m gay and still evil, just more evil this time
mdni with this post, cw nsfw, mostly mlm
i won’t be posting any more nsfw content beyond this, i just felt silly today
alex
top, versatile but mostly dom, doesn’t mind bottoming
HUGE size + praise kink. wants to be praised as he’s fucking into them, to be told that he’s the best. also just thinks it’s really hot when he’s a lot bigger than someone
gets pent up very often which just leads to him being very rough and aggressive, in contrast to his warm and loving personality
very handsy and grabby, can grip a little too hard and leave bruises accidentally because he doesn’t know how to balance controlling his strength while focusing on the other person and himself, and just generally everything going on at once.
too embarrassed to just outwardly say ‘i need you’ since guys still make him nervous. he only knows how to talk to them in a bro way. will get eventually get desperate and then end up texting because he can’t say it face to face
also wants his face to be held gently while he’s looking over them as he’s told that he’s doing a good job. just loves being the golden boy
needs lots and lots of tight cuddles after so he can be reassured he never did anything wrong
sam
the most versatile/switch man you’ll ever meet
‘hold on, i gotta get the right music’
usually very gentle and tender, gets insanely rough and messy when pent up
also really really enjoys being called a good boy while fucking into them 
bite bite bite bite. lots of biting. he just REALLY likes biting
pleasure top.. no words. he just wants to study their insides and see what makes them feel the best
really vocal. cracky and whiney voice
loves his mullet being pulled/tugged/gripped on
hints at wanting to fuck by grabbing at thighs, just being very handsy and giving them the look™ (fuck me eyes)
though he loves praise, he also heavily enjoys being threatened. throat grabbing and the likes
seb
mostly dombot, but also pretty versatile and switchy
he has a smoking addiction.. he also probably has a huge oral fixation.
pierced nipples. do NOT argue with me on this he so would
opposite of alex’s size kink, loves being smaller and overpowered. being carried, beaten in arm wrestling turns him on significantly 
has a thing for bruises. he definitely loves getting off of his knees to see them all red or the occasional bruises on his hips/wrists
doesn’t mind whatever kink/thing his partner has and honestly just doesn’t care as long as he’s getting fucked stupid
not vocal. low and deep groans, and the very very occasional quiet breathy ‘hmmh.. hah..’ >> sounding like he’s full on sobbing pipeline
loves torturing them. just loves it. ;; he quickly lets go the second he feels a slight twitch. ‘not yet. good boy..’ he says, with a little ruffle to the hair. 
also enjoys watching them cry from overstimulation. he’s pretty sadistic when it comes to stuff like this
doesn’t hint, he just outwardly says it. but if they aren’t dating yet he gets flirty and uses his narrow eyes with a relaxed voice
all 3/general
wear their bruises/hickeys/bite marks like medals of honor. don’t even try to cover them up.
seb loves being able to just turn his brain off while being with those himbos and just open up his mouth. he usually has to do all of the thinking around them, but now he gets to just shut them up
samalex would probably be lying if they said they didn’t love seb being trans a little more than they should.. save me boypussy, save me..
seb rides them into oblivion LMFAO
sambastian just. love being overpowered by alex. they need to be put in a headlock
alex having many many gay and questionable thoughts about emo/pierced boys
sebalex are batshit insane about vocal guys
sam+alex
surprisingly very warm, gentle, loving, but interchangeable with being batshit horny and just fucking each other. 
can’t keep their hands off of each other. really really touchy
a lot of ‘is this okay?’ ‘sorry..’
‘mmhf.. you’re doing.. so good, bro..’
they switch often
sam takes a while to figure out what alex likes (with alex insisting he can just do whatever he wants), but eventually does figure it out and adjusts to it
wrestling to see who gets to top. a lot of wrestling.
they’re giggly and soft together
seb+sam
a lot of oral, seb enjoys torturing him and sam enjoys giving him what he likes/wants
they baby each other. they’ve known each other all their lives, so they’re just really comfortable acting like/doing whatever together. 
seb convinces sam to let him just give him what sam wants sometimes, not for him to just people please 100% the time
get high >> have sex while listening to csh
very handsy aswell
seb+alex
teasing selfies. they’re competitive and like riling each other up
they often fight for who gets to dom
>> often ends up with alex getting to fuck him stupid or seb getting to ride him mindless
‘fuck, good boy.. you’re doing so.. good..’
they just love being really risky with it
fighting/arguing >> angry sex
based off of the hairgel joke LOL but alex probably would infact keep hair products at seb’s house
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simpinglittleshit · 2 days
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Headcanons for when you're on your period - Sanji x in posession of a working uterus! Reader
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This is self-indulgent and I'm going through it right now, so please bear with me. Also this takes place on the ship and in an established relationship between Reader and Sanji. Also english is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes.
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At first, you tried to hide it from him, but he quickly caught up to what was going on
His whole mood shifted, he was suddenly very calm and collected
You had expected the complete opposite, you thought he would fuss about you and fall to his knees and try to provide a thousand things at the same time to somehow force your period to be softer to you, maybe even get emotional about how you were hurting from the inside.
Instead he asked you what you needed in the moment, taking your hands gently into his and running soft circles into your skin. He left no room for debate until you really had told him everything you wanted in that moment, sitting patiently until he heard the hesitation leave your voice.
No matter if you demanded cuddles, a hot-water bottle, a combination of sweet and savoury snacks, a bath, some time alone or anything else- he makes sure you get it.
He'll make you any and every snack you ask for, letting you sit in the kitchen if you want to and quickly preparing some fruit slices and crackers for you to munch on while he prepares your request.
Even the oddest combination of flavours and textures are made by him without a word of judgement, understanding that you can't control what you want and just happy to be able to tend to your wants and needs.
Sanji will gladly do this multiple times a day and learns to recognize by the tone of your voice, the way you say his name, drawing the 'i' at the end of his name out just a little longer than usual, when you're in need of a quick treat.
At some point Luffy tries to fake having a period to sneak in some extra snacks as well and Sanji kicks him out of the kitchen, lecturing him on disrespecting your pain like that.
He also enjoys to hand-feed you fruits and snacks when you're in your quarters, pecking your lips after every other treat in adoration.
When you demand some time alone he lets you be by yourself until you come out on your own.
After a few months he gifts you a baby snail transponder so you can call him if you need anything and you are eternally grateful for it.
Of course he wants to be by your side every second, but you know best what you want and need and he's all sunshine and rainbows when he can wrap his arms around you again as soon as you let him.
He respects your desire to have some time to yourself and won't interefere with your me-time.
When you demand cuddles he gets all giddy on the inside, but won't let it show on the outside. Instead he'll place you on the nearest place to sit down on and make a little nest of blankets and pillows on your shared bed, if the time allows it.
If you're in public or just not in your quarters he'll hug and hold you until you pull away, one hand always placed somewhere on your body to keep you close to him
He'll grab some snacks - he keeps your favourites secretly locked away in the kitchen for this occasion and prepares several of your favourite drinks with different flavours and temperatures - from hot chocolate to freshly pressed lemonade with crushed ice and places them all on a tray.
To him, cuddling with you is an experience. He get to hold you, all to himself and it's him that you want while you're in pain and your hormones are all over the place.
It's an honor to him and he wants to honor you, as well as your aching organ. Because even though it brings you pain, to him it's also a sign that you're safe and healthy, that he can keep you well and cared for.
As soon as he has everything set up he picks you up and lays you down on the bed, letting you get comfortable and only then joining you, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you closer.
He relishes in the feeling of having you near him, your scent, your warmth, even when you're grunting in pain.
His warm, slender hand finds your abdomen when you do so and is ever so gently placed above it, his lips finding your forehead as he melts into the moment with you, whispering words of adoration and love against your skin.
He holds you in his arms, both careful yet firm at the same time, his fingers threading softly through your hair. He reminds you how beautiful you are to him, how you're a walking goddess in his eyes, how he is the luckiest man alive to hold you in his arms, that he wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now than with you.
He holds you when you suddenly get emotional, bitches with you when you complain about all different kinds of things, listens to you when you rant about how much you hate everyone and everything and hand-feeds you the snacks he made as well as hand you all the different drinks he made while you talk.
He also enjoys the silence with you, just holding you and listening to the waves lapping at the wood of the ship, the gentle sway of it lulling you into a slumber after some time.
He only falls asleep with you after he made sure that you've fallen asleep first, reaching over your body to put away all the items that could disturb your rest and brushing away any crumbs from the pillows and blankets next to you - he'll properly dispose of them later, wanting to hold you in his arms as he drifts off.
As much as you are eternally grateful for how supportive he is of you and the lengths he goes to just to make you happy, he is eternally grateful to be there for you, letting him be the one to ease your pain and make these few torturous days more bearable for you.
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canirove · 2 days
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Rice, Rice, baby | Chapter 32
Previous chapter | Next chapter (coming out on Monday)
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“And if you run out of nappies, there is a box in the storage room. And he has to have Mr. Poo with him when he is sleeping, even during naps. And if he can't sleep he usually calms down if you sing to him “Freed from desire” because Declan sings him football songs and for whatever the reason that calms him down. And if he…”
“Liv… Liv, Olivia” Declan's mum says, stopping my rambling. “I know what to do. I've raised three boys and a few grandchildren, remember?” she chuckles.
“Yes, sorry. I'm sorry. I just… you know.”
“It's the first time you are gonna be away from Oliver since he was born.”
“Yes” I sigh.
It's been three months since I gave birth. Three of the most exhausting, daunting but also wonderful months of my life, full of sleepless nights and tears, but also many laughs, cute moments, and my phone saying I'm running out of memory due to all the videos and photos I've taken of Ollie. I've even had to make different folders so everything is a bit organized.
There are a couple just for photos and videos of him, one for all the content with my mum, with Declan's parents, with his nephews, with Madders and Kennedy, with their kids, with Olga… And of course, there is one only for Declan. After the ones all for Ollie, his has to be the one that has the most content.
But I just can't help myself. Seeing him being a dad is… I don't know how to explain it. It's like it makes me fall in love with him even more than I already am, sometimes making me feel like my heart is about to burst from all the love it has for him and Ollie. Other times tho, it makes me think of what I overheard him and his mum talk about. About the fact that he told her that he was in love with me.
More than once I've wanted to ask him about it, if what I heard was true or if it was my mind playing games with me because I was about to bring a human being to the world and everything inside me was a chaos. But I've never managed to do it, I've  always gotten cold feet. Though that may be about to change.
He has booked us a couple of days away at the same place where we stayed for our babymoon with the excuse that I deserve to relax, have a good night of sleep, and just think about myself for a bit (easier said than done). And since that was the place where we were supposed to talk about our feelings and what the kisses we shared meant, this may be the right moment to do it. To stop being a coward and tell him what I feel, to say the three words.
“Ok, our bags are in the car. Are you ready?” Declan asks, joining me and his mum.
“She's ready” she says.
“Can't I check on Ollie again? Just to be sure he is…”
“Liv, the little man is asleep, he's ok. And you already said goodbye to him like five times” Declan chuckles.
“Six. She went back to this room while you were away.”
“Really?”
“I'm sorry, I just… I can't help it” I shrug.
“He's gonna be fine, Liv. I have everything under control, and tomorrow your mum is coming over too. He's gonna get all the attention and cuddles in the world” she smiles.
“Can I give him a last one?”
“Declan, take her out of here, please” his mum laughs, pushing me towards him. “I don't want to hear from any of you in two days, understood?”
“I'll try my best to keep us, and especially her, entertained” he smirks, putting an arm around my waist and making my stomach do a flip inside me. 
“Yeah, well, umm… Can't I see him one last time, then?”
“No” Declan's mum says, definitely using the same tone she has had to use plenty of times with her sons. “And now go or you'll be stuck in traffic for hours” she says, moving her hands in the air and basically kicking us out of the house.
━━━━━━❃━━━━━━
“Have I ever told you that this is the best chocolate cake ever?”
“Every single time you've eaten it since that first time” Declan laughs.
“It feels like it happened in another lifetime” I sigh.
“It does, doesn't it?” he says, finally managing to open the champagne bottle he had on his hands. It is our last night away, and to celebrate, he ordered some of that chocolate cake I love so much and some champagne. “If we went back in time and told that Liv and that Declan that two years later they are parents to the most amazing little boy, they would not believe us.”
“Nope” I chuckle. “And thank you” I say when he gives me a flute with some champagne.
“You're welcome” he smiles. “So, what should we toast to?”
“I don't know… Maybe to that amazing little boy you just mentioned?”
“You have not stop thinking about him, have you?” Declan laughs.
“Have you?”
“I have not, no” he smiles. “And how could I when I have you reminding me of him all the time? Each day he looks more like you, Liv.”
“But with your eyes.” Because my wish had come true, and he had gotten his eyes. Those blue eyes I have not been able to stop thinking about since the first time they looked at me, eyes that make me feel things no one had been able to before. 
“To Ollie?” he says, raising his flute.
“To Ollie” I reply, doing the same.
“And, since we are toasting and celebrating… I have something for you.”
“For me?”
“Yep” he says, giving me a small box. 
“Declan, I… You didn't have to get me anything. You've done enough already with this trip and everything else since I moved in with you.”
“What I've done is the bare minimum, Liv. And this is just a little something. Open it.”
“Ok” I say, my hands shaking a bit. Why am I nervous? “Oh…”
“Do you like it? I've seen you wearing both rings and necklaces and I didn't know what you liked best, so I just picked one of each.”
“I love it, Declan” I say, trying really hard to not start crying. He had gotten me a ring with Oliver engraved on it and a matching necklace with an O and a little stone hanging next to it. “Is this a real ruby?”
“It is. That's Ollie's birthstone, isn't it?”
“Yes, but… wow. I… I don't know what to say.”
“Just knowing that you love it is enough” he smiles.
“Thank you, Declan” I say, wrapping my arms around him and hugging him. 
“You're welcome, Liv” he replies, hugging me back. We stay like that for a while, just hugging and not saying a word, until a bird makes us both jump.
“What the fuck was that? A dinosaur?”
“I don't know” I laugh. “But it was loud.”
“So loud…” he chuckles. “Anyway, do you want me to help you put on the necklace?”
“Please” I say, giving it to him while putting on the ring. It fits perfectly. “How did you think of this?” I ask him to try and focus on something that isn't the way his fingers feel on my skin.
“Aaron told me that he had bought Georgina a pushing ring, and I thought I could do the same.”
“A what?”
“It apparently is a thing people do to congratulate their partners after giving birth” he shrugs.
“I had never heard of it before.”
“Neither had I. And done. How does it feel?”
“Perfect” I say, turning around to face him. “Thank you, Declan. Again.”
“That's ok” he smiles. And once again, I find myself focusing on his mouth. On his lips. On how much I want to kiss him and… “Don't do it, Liv.”
“Uh?”
“Kiss me. Don't do it.”
“I wasn't going to kiss you” I say with a nervous laugh, my face already burning. Fuck.
“But you were thinking about it, weren't you?” he smirks.
“No.”
“Sure” he says, his smirk turning into a grin.
“Ok, fine. What if I was, uh? Is there any problem with that?”
“Yes and no.”
“What?” 
“No, because I also want to kiss you, and yes, because we can't do it until we have had that conversation we were supposed to have months ago.”
“Oh, that… yes” I say, focusing on my hands. “I've wanted to talk about that too for a while but never found the moment.”
“Well, this is it. And even though the chivalrous thing to do would be to let you speak first, I can't, Liv. I must be the one explaining everything first because I am the one who behaved like a dick and the one who broke your heart.”
“Declan, you didn't…”
“C'mon, Liv” he says with a sad laugh. “You know I did and that I hurt you. I hurt you really really bad.”
“I… You did, yes” I whisper.
“I hurt you and I think I will never be able to forgive myself for it. Because I… I didn't want to do it, you know? Like… urgh” he says, running his hands through his hair.
“It's ok” I say, reaching for one of them as he lets them rest on his lap, interlacing my fingers with his and giving it an encouraging squeeze.
“I never meant to hurt you or treat you the way I did, Liv” Declan says, looking at me. “I swear that was never my intention. But I… I was a coward. I was a coward who got scared because he had never felt for any girl the things I was feeling for you. The things I still feel for you. Because I love you, Olivia” he says, those blue eyes of his looking at me in a way that hadn't before. It's like I could feel them reaching my heart and my soul if that makes any sense. “Each day I'm more convinced that I've loved you since the moment we met and you made me that first coffee, because I haven't been able to get you out of my head since then. And that scared me, Liv. That scared me so much… That's why sometimes I would ignore you and be cold around you. Because what I was feeling for you was so new and so intense that instead of just enjoying it, I would sabotage it. I talked about it many times with my brothers and some of my best friends, and they all gave me really good advice, the main one being: don't fuck it up, Declan. But instead of following it, I did the opposite and ruined it all. Instead of telling you how I felt, I ran away from you every time my feelings overwhelmed me. Because I was a coward, Liv. The biggest coward ever.”
“You weren't a coward, Declan” I say, wiping away a tear from his cheek.
“I was, Liv. I was a coward who fucked up big time, breaking the heart of the woman he loved, and making her despise me.”
“I never despised you. I hated you for a while, but I never despised you” I say, caressing his cheek. 
“But you should have. What I did to you that summer… The way I played with you for months… I deserved it.”
“You did, yes. Olga agrees on that” I chuckle. 
“I was going to explain everything to you that day, you know? I was going to tell you that I loved you and that I had been a dick who didn't deserve you. That I was going to work on myself to fix all my insecurities, that I wanted to become someone worth it of you even if you didn't want anything to do with me ever again. But then…”
“We got carried away.”
“A bit, yes” he smiles. “Then when we crossed paths again and I overheard you talking with Harry about being pregnant, and the thought that it could be mine didn't cross my mind, you know? I only thought that you had moved on just like I was trying to do and miserably falling at because you are the only woman I love, and that I deserved to feel the way I was feeling, that I had broken your heart and now it was my turn to feel that pain. But then you told me he was mine, and it was like the skies opened” he chuckles. “Because I saw it as the world giving me a second chance to fix things and do them right this time. To make up for all the wrong choices and mistakes I had made and stop being a coward. I couldn't keep being that person now that I was going to be a father. I needed to step up, to be the best version of myself for that little person that was about to come to the world and change everything forever. But while focusing on that, we've been getting closer again. And even though the thought of us getting back together is something that I've tried to keep locked away to just focus on your pregnancy and Ollie, on you two being safe… It's been almost impossible. The idea of us being a family, of us raising him together as a couple like I had dreamt many times before ruining it all, is something I constantly find myself thinking about, especially when we are together. Because I've found myself falling in love with you more than I already was, Liv. And hiding my feelings for you has been so hard… So fucking hard. You don't know how many times I've wanted to kiss you and love you but I've had to stop myself. So many times…”
“And here I was thinking I had done something wrong” I chuckle. “Because I've also wanted to kiss you many times, you know?”
“You have?”
“Yes” I nod.
“I wish I had told you earlier how I feel. That I love you and that I always have. But there have been so many things going on these past few months that I didn't want to confuse you even more and…”
“You have said it now, haven't you?” I smile, my fingers still caressing his face.
“I have, yes” he replies, letting out a big sigh and smiling back.
“Though I already knew.”
“What?”
“I overheard you telling your mum about it before Ollie decided it was time to come to the world.”
“You… shit.”
“And that's why I said earlier that I've been wanting to speak with you. I needed to know if what you had told her was real or if it was just my mind playing games, because Declan… I love you too.”
“You…”
“I think I've also been in love with you since the moment I met you at the cafeteria, because I haven't been able to keep you out of my head either. And yes, you hurt me and you broke my heart, but I… I never stopped loving you. I couldn't despite Olga constantly telling me that I should.”
“You should have listened to her, Liv.”
“Yeah, well” I shrug. “The thing is that then I got pregnant, and those feelings were still there, growing and getting stronger. And then there were moments where it felt like we were getting closer again and you were going to kiss me, but then you wouldn't, and like I said, I didn't know if I was doing something wrong, if it was my hormones making me imagine it all, if it was just me wishing we could go back to what we used to have, if I was making the same mistakes again and letting you play with my feelings… It was confusing as fuck” I laugh. 
“I wasn't playing with your feelings, Liv. I'm so sorry you felt like that. I know I did it in the past, and even though I wasn't doing it intentionally to hurt you, I… That wasn't the case this time. I promise you.”
“I know” I smile. “But then when you surprised me with the nursery… I knew it. I knew it wasn't my hormones messing up with me. It was just how I felt. I loved you and I was falling in love with you more and more each day, and since Ollie was born it has gotten to a point where I… I… I just fucking love you, Declan Rice. I'm stupidly and completely crazy in love with you and…”
“And so am I, Liv. I'm stupidly and completely crazy in love with you. I love you” he says before kissing me. 
And you know, even though we've kissed many times before, none of those kisses have felt like this one. There has not been a single kiss in my life that has made me feel the way this one is, to be honest. 
Because there has not been anyone I've loved the way I love Declan, and probably never will. 
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sourpatchys · 2 days
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Logan Howlet tea prompts
You can find the original prompt sheet here! <3
Warning: some adult themes are seen throughout, this was also written with an f!reader in mind
Timeline: there’s not really a specific timeline for any of these (I tried to keep it vague) so pick whichever one you prefer!
A/N: this is my first time writing for him so I apologize if it’s a little OOC! I really like doing these prompts with new characters so I can get a feel for them haha
Masterlist guidelines
Lemon tea; what are mornings like with them?
Mornings with Logan can go a few different ways.
Sometimes, he’s simply not there at all, not his warmth in the sheet beside you, not his smell lingering in the pillows— he’s just gone.
It could be for a plethora of reasons, a busy schedule, nightmares, insomniac spouts, etc. Though, I doubt he’d leave you without saying goodbye in one way or another, even if you’re too deep in your rem cycle to remember it. A kiss on the cheek, a soothing brush through your hair with his fingers, a rub of your shoulders, anything to ground himself before he starts his early morning.
Sometimes mornings are loud and violent, with Logan twisting and turning, his breathing harsh and shallow before screaming the names of people he’s not even sure he fully remembers. Those are the mornings you hate the most.
His claws may come out, slicing the bed, pillows, sheets or maybe even you if the day calls for it. Of course he’s filled with guilt for his lack of control, for putting you in harms way even if it wasn’t his choice.
He’s rough on these mornings, wanting to push you away but also needing you close, he may even yell at you to just leave already. Even if he doesn’t really mean it. You hold him on these mornings, brushing your own fingers through his messy locks, pressing his ear to your chest to try and tell him that you’re there and alive right next to him. To prove that he isn’t alone and never has to be again.
And sometimes— the stars align and you get a slow, groggy, perfect morning. Logan’s arm wrapped around you, his warmth pressing into your skin in comforting waves. The early morning sun peaking through the curtains just enough for you to see his squished face in the mountain of pillows.
He’d either wake up right before or right after you, his grip tightening around your waist, pulling you closer and putting his head in the curve if your shoulder, the subtle scent of your skin grounding him in just the right way.
He’d grumble and refuse to let you get up, pulling you back down whenever you tried, lazy kisses and stubble peppering your skin at each of your failed attempts. Those are the mornings you both look forward to the most.
Peppermint tea; what do they get excited about?
It’d be easy to say motorcycles, the wind in his hair, your hands around his waist, the hilly mountains flowing past with the heavy smell of summer humidity flowing through the air.
But truly, Logan enjoys riling you up— or anyone for that matter. He’s a tease on a good day, dry humor just spoken serious enough to where no one knows if he’s being truthful or not.
He loves making connections to people, even if he puts his own road blocks in the way. To care and be cared for in return— to be understood.
Making people laugh, getting under their skin just enough to create a makeshift feud that’ll be over within the day. It’s what he looks forward to, creating these makeshift connections that allow him to be himself without revealing too much.
Chamomile tea; what is their sleep schedule like? Does it change around their s/o?
Logans sleep schedule is almost non-existent. He tries to stay consistent, but with the constant nightmares and the fear of hurting you or someone else, it doesn’t always work out.
He’s not much of a night owl, at least, not by choice. He gets tired at a normal time depending on when he woke up that day, but it’s hard for him to push aside the anxiety and uncertainty’s that come with laying down for the night. There’s no real way of telling if it’ll be a good night or not until the time comes.
With you it does get better, subconsciously knowing he isn’t alone makes the bad nights less and less frequent. Though, it’s easy for his old habits to come to surface after a bad night— especially if you end up injured because of it.
You try your best to ease his worries, wrapping the injury up all on your own, or even allowing him to do so if he feels the need to, and pretending as though it doesn’t hurt at all throughout all of your daily duties.
A couple of scratches are nothing, you aren’t dying, he hasn’t impacted you negatively, these things happen— even without mutant abilities!
It’s hit or miss on whether or not he believes you, though, at most it’ll take a week for him to try sleeping next to you again. And thus the cycle continues.
With time, things get easier— less nightmares, little to no sleepless nights, but it takes awhile to get there. As long as you’re willing to wait for him.
Earl grey tea; how did they court their s/o?
Believe it or not, it was actually quite the sentimental affair.
On this particular day you’d made an offhanded comment about not receiving flowers throughout your younger years.
It was just a small quip, something relevant to keep the conversation flowing, and Logan wasn’t even part of the conversation. Just standing off to the side, taking a few swigs of his drink a few feet away as he usually did later in the evening.
At this point, it wasn’t uncommon for the two of you to be up late together, either in a comfortable silence or talking about your day here and there as the night carried on. You weren’t exactly a night owl, but you did enjoy having some quiet time here and there, and Logan didn’t bother you unless you spoke first.
That night was a little different though— he actually went to bed first— leaving a small bundle of wild flowers in his wake, displayed in a cleaned out beer bottle.
It continued on that way for a few weeks. If you went to bed early, you could expect to see a dolled up beer bottle filled with wild flowers right outside your door, and if you stayed up a little later, he always left one behind in the counter.
It wasn’t exactly a proper courting, there was no grand love confession, no drunken sloppy make out session to lead to bad decisions. Just a few empty beer bottles and some pretty weeds.
To solidify this unspoken bond, you thanked him for the flowers with a kiss on the cheek.
The rest is history.
Milk tea; what are their kisses like?
Kissing Logan is an experience. He isn’t too soft, nor is he too rough. It’s a perfect middle ground between the two. Like dipping your toes in cool water on a hot summers day.
He’ll grab you wherever he can reach, rough calloused hands sliding up and down your torso as if they belong there— pulling you impossibly closer to him with every waking second.
Ever kiss is savored, it devours you, mind body and soul. Logan’s kisses are hypnotic, luring you in, yet you can never get close enough— as though it’s impossible to fully break through.
He kisses like an animal starved, craving nourishment. No rock left unturned, no crevice left unchecked.
And though it doesn’t happen often, around others he will kiss your forehead and cheek with such grace you’ll feel it for the rest of the day, as if his lips left a healing sunburn behind on your sensitive skin— unable and unwilling to forget.
He does not want to share his love with you, those intimate moments are between no one but the two of you. However, he does appreciate being given a small peck every once in a while, regardless of who’s around. And if you asked for a kiss before you had to part ways on a mission/work? Of course he would oblige, regardless of who was watching.
Coffee; do they get jealous easily? How do they show it?
Logan is an asshole. Potential suitors and even you aren’t an exception to that fact.
Most of the time, he’s not bothered by it, out of all the men you could’ve chose, at the end of the day, you chose him.
That’s usually enough for him.
That isn’t to say he isn’t protective, maybe even overbearing at times. It isn’t so much jealousy, as it is him being utterly pissed off that some scumbag had the balls to talk to you in the first place.
If you’re out and a guy starts hitting on you or looking at you in a way that, isn’t exactly friendly, Logan would try being civil— in his own way of course.
Wrapping his arm around you, pulling you into his chest, giving you a kiss on the forehead— maybe he’d even ask you to go get something for him and slap your ass as you’re leaving just to prove a point.
That’s stage one, claiming his territory. After this the guy usually backs off, seeing that you aren’t available more often than not sways their interest.
If it doesn’t work, if the guy is still bothering you or ogling you— then he may end up getting violent.
The only time this becomes a problem between the two of you is if you try and defend the guy.
It’s definitely caused a few issues, Logan not understanding why you’re trying to save the guy from getting his face bashed in, and you just not wanting to cause a scene.
Though, at the end of the day things resolve themselves, even if neither of you give a proper apology to the other.
Rosehip tea; how romantic are they? How do they show affection?
Logan isn’t a very romantic guy, at least, not verbally.
His love is often shown through actions,
•tucking your hair behind your ear
•getting your favorite cookies and leaving them on your nightstand
•giving your shoulder or hand two hard squeezes before you part ways for the day
•nicknames— sweetheart, doll, princess
His affection is often felt instead of heard, and intimacy happens to be where it shines the most.
He takes his time with you, holding you, caressing you, leaving no sliver of skin untouched, whether it be from his hands or lips. He feels like a waterfall, whisking you away in the current.
No matter how soft or how rough— it always feels like an act of love, as if he’d rather be nowhere but right there with you. Regardless of pace, environment, position— every ounce of his being is poured into your own.
Afterwards, he cleans you up, refusing to let you move a muscle, brushing his fingers through your hair and leaving phantom kisses behind.
He may not tell you how much he loves you— at least not often— but he insures that each day is full of gentle reminders.
Black tea; what do they look for in a person?
Logan doesn’t really have a type per se.
More than what they look like, he looks for how they present themselves and behave.
He wouldn’t want someone who couldn’t handle who he is, he knows he isn’t a great person, and while he wouldn’t put that burden on his s/o, it would still be there nonetheless.
Even when not directed towards you, his rough exterior would be prominent, shielding himself from those around him.
He would look for someone with patience and understanding, someone willing to look past his outer layers and reach inside. Someone who doesn’t see him as a personified weapon or a mutant, but as person who’s been dealt a rough life. Even if he truly doesn’t think that of himself.
A person who wants to understand and stand beside him, who will banter with him, see him, help him.
Logan, cursed as he is, would look for someone he’d rather die than lose. Someone more precious to him than the world itself.
Pomegranate tea; at what point did they know they loved their s/o?
He knew he loved you the moment he kissed you for the very first time.
He was interested in you, he wanted something with you, it just took him awhile to figure it out completely.
Logan knew he cared for you more than a fling, he knew he wanted something solid, something to build with— he just didn’t know how deep it truly went until he finally had you.
The flowers were a jerk reaction, hence his refusal to buy an actual bouquet. He simply wanted to see how, and if, things would play out.
That little kiss on the cheek was Logan’s salvation, he knew he wanted more than companionship, more than friendship and more than a quick screw.
He took things slower than intended. Prodding and teasing you more often, offering you rides on his bike whenever you had to go somewhere. Late night small talk turned into real, genuine conversations he began looking forward to.
And then— in a dimly lit room well after midnight, your arms wrapped around his neck after laughing off an attempt at his makeshift bullying— he kissed you.
Your lips felt like the rays of the sun, warming his being from the inside out. Having you in his arms, wrapped around his body so inanimately, it felt like putting puzzle pieces together.
The moment you became his— title and all— was the moment he knew he would do anything for you, regardless of the consequences.
Matcha tea; how and when do they propose to their s/o?
Logan isn’t the type for weddings.
A livelihood with him would be seen and not spoken, unless you, yourself, asked for something more.
If he could tell you wanted a ring, a symbol of some kind— he would get it for you— but it wouldn’t be a grand jester.
If you wanted a wedding, it would be small, with no more than an officiant and a witness.
He doesn’t need a legal title to tell him what he already knows, he doesn’t need a symbol to show who he belongs to. But, if you wanted that, if you needed it— if it made you happy— he’d be more than willing to comply.
To call you his wife, to be a husband, in his mind it had been official from the moment you chose him.
Chai tea; how do they spice up their relationship?
There isn’t much to say in regards of keeping things fresh and upbeat. Logan is, quite literally, ready for anything.
He’s ready to drop everything and live off the grid with you— he’s ready to put a ring on your finger the moment you ask.
When it comes to Logan, there’s no task too big or too small, whether it be your livelihoods, intimacy, diets, routines— it doesn’t matter. For you? He would do anything.
That isn’t to say he doesn’t have his own ideas, he’ll throw a curveball in your direction whenever he gets the chance— but things are never boring— and when they are? There’s nothing wrong with having a little fun or simply enjoying being in domestic bliss.
Hibiscus tea; what’s their favorite place to take their s/o?
Logan’s favorite place to be with you— is away from everyone else.
Maybe that means driving to a mountain top and looking out at the sunrise, or sneaking away to a far away cabin to do nothing but bask in each other’s presence.
He loves the peace and quiet he can have with you. The gentle laughter between you with no one to interrupt, inside jokes, sleeping in— just enjoying being together.
No prying eyes, no teasing or expectations, just the two of you for the time being, fully encapsulated in each other’s light.
Green tea;how do they comfort their s/o?
The simple answer here is that he doesn’t. He tries! Don’t get me wrong, but it’s definitely not his strong suit.
If you’re crying he’ll hold you, if you want space he’ll honor that— even if he bitches about it first.
If you’re angry he’ll get angry with you. If someone hurt you, he’ll hurt them in return.
He does whatever he thinks is right, even if it’s not necessarily what you need, but he does try. He doesn’t like seeing you sad or angry, and the only person you’re allowed to be annoyed with is him.
He’s got a one tract mindset— old habits die hard. Though, at the end of the day, you do end up feeling a little better, even if it’s not necessarily from the actions he took to get you there.
Russian caravan tea; how experienced are they with relationships?
It’s honestly hard to tell how experienced Logan is or isn’t with most things— relationships included.
He knows how to do most things as if it were second nature. He can be suave and cunning— he knows exactly how to push the right buttons. He can be a perfect gentleman when he wants to be, and a down right monster when the time calls for it.
But then there are things where he’s completely clueless. He doesn’t know how to plan a date, he fumbles with gift giving and receiving, and don’t even think about asking for his opinions on your outfit— you’re not going to get the answer you were hoping for, regardless of what that may be.
Logan knows intimacy like the back of his hand, soft, harsh, rough, gentle— all of it and more— but loving and being loved isn’t a strong suit anywhere outside of the bedroom.
He carrys a confident level of awkwardness with him whenever the two of you are out— wanting to make a good impression but simply not knowing how.
He’s not a fast leaner, but he does get there eventually.
English breakfast tea; would they want a family?
Logan’s desire for family completely depends on circumstance.
• Do you want a family?
If you wanted a family, it would be an interesting conversation to say the least. At first he’d be hesitant— it’s not that he doesn’t want a family with you, it’s purely fear.
What kind of father could he possibly be? It’s not as though he has much to go off of in terms of how parents should act towards their kids.
You’d have to make that decision together, and regardless of the outcome he’d stay by your side.
• What types of dangerous things are going on right now?
If you stated a desire to start a family with him in the midst of a potential war or borderline apocalypse— he’d call you crazy and immediately refuse. Honestly he may even get pissed at you for even suggesting such a thing.
Logan would it want to bring a child into a broken world, especially if he doesn’t know if it can be fixed.
• Are you already pregnant?
If you’re already pregnant, be it unplanned or otherwise— he’s not going anywhere.
He’d leave the option of keeping the baby or termination completely up to you regardless of the circumstances. It takes two to tango, and he knows the situation isn’t your fault.
So regardless of the world, the circumstances around the pregnancy, or your choice in the end— give him time, and he’ll come back to you.
• did the two of you accidentally adopt a child who needed a family?
Knowing Logan, the answer is probably yes.
In this case, he’s just happy to be there making a difference— and with you by his side, it’s even better.
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redvelvetwishtree · 11 months
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So Israel spent the last month lying and making up fake self-victimising stories and expect us to believe that they didn't kill their own hostage, showed tunnels in Sweden and said they were under Al Shifa, put their own laptops with labels and passed them off as belonging to Hamas somehow fully charged with no passwords, showing us the days of the week poster and saying it was a list of Hamas people, lining up weapons neatly against a wall and ughhh I can keep listing the kindergarten level setups they've done to convince impressionable people but please use your brains.
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mad-hunts · 3 months
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tw: cannibalism, (slightly) graphic depictions of violence and HEAVY elements of horror will be ahead, so i'm going to put this under a 'read-more' if you'd rather skip out on this one.
so they looked around for a bit, and that's when they found it. this blood trail going down the floor of the hallway, which was already kind of scary, though it was nothing compared to the sound of someone's ringtone suddenly resounding from one of the rooms in the back (think one of those love songs with sort of creepy vibes to them like ' unchained melody. ') so, once your muse gathered enough courage, they decided to proceed down it even though something inside of them was screaming that something seemed wrong. and it seemed like they were right because once they reached the back, they found a dead body just... pressed up against the wall with blood spattered behind them. and there were other spots of the wall spattered with blood as well.
i feel like, for a character that's supposed to be pretty horror-oriented, that this account has been kind of lacking in content related to that lately, SO imagine this scenario, y'all. your muse is friends with or just cares about barton in some way. and thus, whenever they find out that he's attracted the ire of someone dangerous + that he's been missing for WEEKS, they assume the worst and try to find out his location. which leads them to this already creepy, dilapidated, and abandoned mortuary. and they honestly didn't know what they were expecting once they entered it, but it certainly wasn't this deafening silence, and there seeming to be... no one around?
so, you try to circle around to find out what the hell is going on, but then you see the thing that barton is hunched over is a body and a third one on the autopsy table in the room. and your muse can't help but blanche + feel like they've just stumbled into the lions den, because barton is not only SO beat up, but he's eating the person below him. and it's absolutely horrific because whenever they gasp at the sight is when barton finally looks up at them.
it was ALL over this corpses' face, though, as it appeared like they died from some sort of brutal blunt force trauma. but there's also another blood trail that is smeared across the floor up and under one of the doors in the back, which they are REALLY questioning whether they want to open now. they choose to do so with their eyes closed after remembering that barton would do the same for them (and by that, i mean he would want to save them JSJSJ), and all they can see when they open them is the back of barton hunched over something, or someone as you discover while getting closer to him. and it's like he is either ignoring you or hasn't heard you enter the room because he's still focused on whatever he was doing.
and there is just NOTHING behind those eyes even though he's got a copious amount of blood dripping down from his lips and dripping down his chin + neck. like JSJSJ i don't know about you guys, but i would be sooo scared because not only is this NOT normal behavior for him at all, it's god damn terrifying to see someone cannibalize you someone else. and so if he were real, along with me being in this situation, i probably wouldn't talk to him for a while because i wouldn't even know where to begin AHHH
#tw: blood.#like OMG. just the concept of not knowing exactly what happened but seeing that barton looks pretty much completely broken here-#tw: mentions of murder.#tw: (slightly) graphic depictions of violence.#tw: disturbing content in general.#tw: horror.#tw: cannibalism.#i just... i blame myself for playing video games like outlast whenever it comes to me creating frightening stuff like this JSJSJ#and is EATING someone while he's at it is... i have no words. i hope i didn't scare any of you guys with this scenario building-#thing of mine bc i would feel really bad if i didn't NGL. i'm obviously not trying to condone violence or cannibalism here-#i just think that it's important to show just how horrific barton can really be as a character and how even villain's have a breaking-#point though OFC that doesn't make anything he did justified. once again barton was just using something he knew would help him-#regain control of the situation which would be violence in this case even though it's not right AT ALL and is so chilling#that it may or may not make him look monstrous 😬 though like i was saying before whatever they did to him had somewhat contributed-#to him becoming like this though barton still has to take responsibility for his actions and so... yeah. IDK how y'alls muses-#would deal with something like this but i know i would be wanting to nope out of there as soon as i saw him hunched over someone NGL#and quite possibly time for at leasttt a psych eval because something happened and it was NOT good like i was saying before
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blupengu · 4 months
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Y’all is Hollow Knight hard or do I just suck because oh my god??
#not gonna inflict my ramblings onto someone else’s post so just making a text post for myself#but oh my god#what the fuck?#maybe I’m not a hardcore metroidvania fan but I like them well enough#do I suck that badly at games now?? am I old to the point that my hands can’t do this shit????#did I just somehow fuck myself at some point???#because wow this feels kind of sadistic????#and not even in the fun kind of way?????#like I think I’d rather submit myself to fear and hunger again rather than continue where I am now in hk#idk maybe I’m missing something#but I just got wall jump and was so happy until I fell down to where you can challenge those mantis dudes#got myself out of there but then as I was exploring northwest I keep dying and reviving from the fucking bouncy balls over water#and the normal mantis mobs are also kicking my ass?#and dont even get me started on the weird tentacley nuclear bomb mushroom things those are just bullshit#AND THEN AS I WAS HAVING A GOOD TIME EXPLORING HEADING TOWARDS A SAVE BENCH I GET DROPPED INTO DEEPNEST??????#WHAT KIND OF JUMPSCARE BULLSHIT??????????#AND THE FUCKING COCKROACHES THAT NEVER SEEM TO STOP SPAWNING KILL ME#and then I see how fucking far back I’ve been dropped in the corner of fungal wastes#and I try jumping through the fucking bouncy balls again#and I die and lose my money#I can’t fucking do this shit anymore y’all holy fucking shit#the number of times I’ve died and restarted from that fucking fungal wastes bench I am so sick of it 💀#legit I think this is the first time I’ve rage quit a game#it’s been a while since a game’s actually made me this angry I want to fucking throw something 😂#the willpower and self control I needed to not chuck my pro controller across the room…#if I didn’t have neighbors and a unit below me I’d be throwing shit for sure though#but instead I must smack pillows against my mattress in a rage 😂#I think I hate the ‘go back to where you died to get back your money’ punishment system… like legit I actually really really hate it.#I do think the game is fun and I know I’ll probably quickly gain the money… but it feels like the game’s telling me I fucking suck lmao#suffice to say I will not be playing any more hollow knight for the foreseeable future 💀
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blissfulstatic · 9 months
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i started all of these games at wildly different times, took varying levels of breaks partway through each of them, and then finished all of their achievements in the same two days
i don't know what to do with myself now
#buenos dias short people#tunic was like. i played to maybe halfway. took a months long break#when i picked it back up i didnt remember what i was doing so i started a new file and played like a third#months long break. but this time i resumed the second file and played through to the end#the game is very cryptic but starting over gave me a handle on the mechanics and what was important#outer wilds took like four tries even though i knew it would be good i just wasnt hooked#the game is about knowledge even more than tunic like knowledge is the whole deal and it comes slowly at first#but when it hit it really hit. god damn#please play outer wilds#spyro? um. it was good#i don't know that i took any big breaks from it? there were some but a couple weeks at most#spyro levels are not particularly complex. or content rich. and i really felt that 60 hours#playing the whole trilogy all back to back can really burn you out#its a collectathon you're bound to spend a good while just wandering around to find that one last thing you missed#and i didn't know i could left stick for sparx to point out the nearest gems until like halfway through 2 so that was a time waster#im not saying it wasn't a good game but spyros moveset is like. glide fire charge and you do this for three games#until they throw in random nonspyro playable characters in 3 and they all control really bad and weird. but its still mostly spyro#i could have taken big breaks between each game and it would've been better probably but its a collection im gonna roll to the next one
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antisocialgaycat · 3 months
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i really put the hopeless into hopeless romantic
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steakout-05 · 6 months
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eeuuaghh i would like everyone to know that i apologise if i have not responded to your reblogs/mentions/posts on tumblr, i have really terrible social anxiety and for some reason people talking to me makes my nervous system think i'm being hunted for sport by a resident evil boss. sorry if i havent responded i'm not being rude i'm just having a panic attack :P
additionally: social anxiety is actually the reason why a lot of my old posts from late 2022 had weird spacing and spelling mistakes. i was too anxious to type properly
#sorry this seems like a random thing to post but it has been bugging me for a little bit now and i want to post it#and by a little bit i mean the entire time i've been on this website#as for the reason i have social anxiety: i went to a really terrible high school full of dangerous people-#-who were literally like. the worst most bigoted people ever. not everyone there was bad of course but 90% of them were-#-and that stunted by social development by 5-6 years and now every time someone talks to me i feel like i'm about to get murdered#also primary school was. bad. the other kids could sniff out the autism in me and didn't like me for it#this post isn't directed towards anyone specifically but also it kinda is because there's a DM from someone-#-that i haven't responded to in literally 8 months and every time i think about it i get anxious#i'm sorry!!! i'm not trying to ignore you on purpose and i want to say something but my brain literally will not let me out of fear :(#i'm not used to getting talked to directly so every time i do my entire nervous system starts screaming and running in circles#it's kinda ridiculous because it's like. come on. why are you having a panic attack over a message on tumblr it's LITERALLY just words on-#-a screen what are you freaking out about. but also it's like hhhhh unfamiliar social situation scary. help.#unrelated to that but i am very worried about what people will think of me and like i know i really shouldn't worry about that-#-because i can't control what other people think of me and it really shouldn't be any of my or their business. but also-#-i have legitimate trauma that backs my fears up and every time someone is even slightly critical towards me my brain just goes-#-''see? it happened again i TOLD you it would happen again. idiot. you shouldn't have said anything''#and then i hide and cry and lay in bed thinking about how i'm going to die until i suddenly snap out of it and think-#-''wait hang on why should i care. i love being a weirdo on the internet why should i let my anxieties stop me''#and then it happens AGAIN and it's just a viscous cycle at that point#be silly on the internet -> detect slight criticism -> think everyone hates you again -> go back on your bullshit after 3 days of crying#and it makes sense because that exact same pattern happened to me countless times as a child.#be silly in school -> get made fun of for it -> get hated for it -> rinse and repeat until you think everyone is dangerous and they hate yo#if i could put it in a metaphor it would be like me being a little rabbit who thinks everyone is a scary wolf because of their big shadows-#-even though they're all also rabbits and i'm just paying attention to the scariest parts of them because i only know what wolves look like#trauma does fucked up things to your psyche lemmie tell you#social anxiety#anxiety disorder#i'm literally the ''too scared to order food'' stereotype except it's not a stereotype because it's real and every time i look at the 7/11-#-at my campus i go ''hm but what if they hate me for the food i buy there'' even though they're LITERALLY SELLING IT what is WRONG with me#anyway um. social anxiety sucks and i don't mean to not reply ro everyone who talks to me i am sorr y
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townofcrosshollow · 1 year
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Idk man if you're constantly talking about your crushing loneliness and feelings of being ostracised and left out when you ostensibly have a bunch of friends around you then maybe the feelings of loneliness aren't the problem there
#i would always feel really empty and distant and 'act out' after our hangouts#and i always framed it as like 'i get the high when i'm around people and then i crash afterwards'#and didn't really consider that maybe sitting in a vc for 4 hours feeling left out while other people have fun is just soul sucking#it was always framed as my behaviour that was the problem. 'you did this and you did that.' so i just kinda internalized that#if i felt like shit it must be my fault. everybody knows i'm the one who causes problems so i'm just causing more problems#if i say that something made me uncomfortable and the response is 'i wont make accomodations and how dare you even ask' it must be my fault#idk. we filled out consent forms in the game i'm really not excited to play and i was reminded that nobody ever asked my consebt#and when i tried to advocate for myself and voice that i wasn't consenting it was treated like i was causing problems by trying to say that#and i saw that as a reasonable reaction at the time cause i had been so deeply convinced that i was broken and horrible#that if i was trying to revoke my consent or even just negotiate it then i was ruining everything for everybody else#that if i was uncomfortable with what was going on i needed to just shut up and live with it#i wish i had realized that and dropped out months ago. maybe that could have preserved some semblance of my relationships with those people#far too late for that now. i'm trying to accept that#and all that effort was wasted anyway#i tried to say once that i was putting in a massive amount of effort and i felt like nobody was recognizing that fact#and i still kind of feel that way#i put hours of mental energy into trying to be enough for people who kept demanding more from me and kept giving me less in return#did that do me any good or did it just cause me 3 months of grief and an empty bank account from therapy?#the problem is that i still wish things had turned out better even though i know i had no control over that#if i had kept advocating for myself it just would have been over far faster. i guess that might have spared me a bit of money#if i tried to talk about the problems it would have just been dismissed with some quick quippy therapy phrase amounting to 'not my fault'#we're already living in the universe where i put all my effort into changing in the ways i was told to change and look how well that went#idk. the attitude was never 'let's fix the problems.' it was always 'you need to fix it.' and then when i did it was#'now there's a new problem. fix that one too. and this one. and that one.'#and to do all that work for somebody and then be told they thought you never even cared about them. man it just stings#idk. it's in the past now. but i can't build new relationships. i'm trying and it's impossible#i try meeting new people and they all suck. i try strengthening relationships with old people and they all get too busy or leave.#the only reason i post these things on tumblr is cause i don't have anybody else to talk to about it#the only person i could talk to has their own shit going on. there really just isn't anybody else#personal
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