#those tags are the invite to a discussion too haha

[karpachev]

some old homelander sketches yay

and redraw of a comics panel

[hisui-dreamer]

forgetful eel

Pairing: Floyd Leech x gn!reader

Synopsis: floyd is not only forgetful, but also unpredictable

Tags: fluff, school life, floyd leech is a silly eel

Word count: 753

Notes: more floyd fluff!! this idea popped into my head and i had to write it out haha

Masterlist

A gentle embrace lingered in the air, whispering promises of blossoming wonders and sunlit afternoons.  Cherry blossoms unfurled delicate petals like confetti, painting the trees in hues ranging from blushing pinks to ethereal whites. Blades of emerald-green grass bathed in the tender caress of ethereal sunlight, shimmering with a luminescence kissed by dew.

The unmistakable arrival of spring break infused the school's halls with an atmosphere of tangible excitement and animated chatter. In every corner, students were animatedly discussing their carefully crafted plans to make the most of the precious holiday ahead.

It wouldn't be the first time you would stay in Ramshackle during a study break. The memories of the tumultuous winter break with Scarabia's vice-housewarden still linger vividly in your mind. Regrettably, this time around, even Scarabia and Octavinelle would remain vacant.

Meaning, it would be at least two weeks before you could see Floyd again.

Well, at least he seemed to be upset about that too.

"Shrimpy~ I'm gonna miss ya so much~"

A rueful smile plays on your lips, accustomed to hearing that familiar line every time he leaves Ramshackle to return to his dorm. But this time, a subtle pang of loneliness pierces through, realizing that you won't have the chance to see him again the very next day.

You return his hug by wrapping your arms around him, your hand reaching up to cradle his head, smoothing it down in a comforting gesture that's almost become a routine.

"I'm going to miss you too, Floyd", you pull back slightly so you can meet his eyes. "But you'll call me whenever you can, yeah?"

His pout intensifies, but then he tightens his grip on you, embracing you warmly. "Of course, I will! I'll show ya all the cool stuff back home!"

You surrender to the comfort of his embrace, basking in the musky scent of rain that clings to him and the inviting warmth he provides. The tranquillity is abruptly disrupted by approaching footsteps. A smooth voice interjects, breaking the tender moment.

"Floyd, pardon the interruption, but it's time for us to depart," Jade announces, a wry smile on his face.

Floyd tightens his hold on you, grumbling, "Ugh... Jade, you're such a buzzkill," yet he eventually releases you from his embrace, a reluctant smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "Guess it's time to go. But hey," he adds, pressing his forehead to yours, "ya better think of me lots, okay? Cuz I'll be thinking of ya always." He giggles.

"I'll be thinking of you every minute!" you respond, joining in his laughter.

"I'll be thinking of ya every second!" Floyd laughs, his gaze lingering on you for a moment longer before he grabs his bags. "See ya soon, Shrimpy!" he declares, a warmth in his eyes reflecting the affection shared between you, and follows Jade into the mirror.

You linger before the mirror, unmoving even after his figure has disappeared into the mirror. Floyd is many things, and one of those things is forgetful.

In a matter of seconds, your beloved walks out of the mirror, his demeanour marked by a sense of urgency.

"I forgot something!"

"What did you forget? The souvenirs for your parents? Or maybe your textbook?" you ask, your thoughts racing through various scenarios, a bemused smile dancing upon your lips.

Floyd's eyes widen in realization. "Oh, right! I did forget that."

You arch an eyebrow, curious about his wording. "Huh? Did you forget something else?"

Floyd hums for a moment, his face lighting up with mischief. "Ah-ha! I forgot my goodbye kiss!" he declares with a mischievous grin.

You blink, a mix of confusion and amusement evident on your face. Before you can react, Floyd closes the distance between you, leaning in with a sly expression. "Yeahh, can't forget that," he whispered, his lips meeting yours in a sweet, lingering kiss.

The fleeting moment of surprise melts as a pair of smiles bloom simultaneously as you kiss each other. As he gently withdraws, a genuine smile graces his features, and his gaze locks onto yours, radiating a warmth that envelops your entire being.

"Alright, I'm really off now," Floyd declares, playfully tousling your hair, his voice carrying a lightness as he steps back, giving you one last lingering look.

You chuckle at his antics. "Make sure you remember everything this time, you silly eel."

Floyd laughs, leaving you with a final peck on the cheek. "I'll do my best. Love ya, Shrimpy!" With that, he disappears into the mirror once more, leaving you in the mirror chamber, shaking your head in loving exasperation.

Masterlist

if you liked this post, don't forget to reblog!

[ayyyez]

Tumblr threw out an error message so I'm sending again in case it ate the ask:

How about missing their s/o for Tobirama or Madara? Do they consciously (or uncounciosly) seek out items or places that remind them of their partner? Do they throw themselves into work as distraction? Does it work? Do they feel a constant longing or does it hit them unexpectedly throughout the time their s/o is away?

a/n: Oh I like this one so I'm doing it now aha. It gives me cute ideas and angst ideas oops haha thanks for sending me in a request!

Characters: Tobirama Senju, Madara Uchiha

Tags: Fluff, mildly angsty (not a lot lol)

Tobirama Senju

The type to think he won't miss his s/o until they're gone and it kind of hits after a couple of days. Like it's about how you fit into his routine and all of a sudden you aren't there and now it's a huge hole in his life.

It starts in the morning when there's no one in his bed for him to latch onto to keep warm. He's quite literally left cold in an empty bed. And now he's started off the morning very grumpy.

Then there's breakfast which he usually eats with you. Either in a comfortable silence or discussing the agenda of the day. He's grown quite fond of hearing about your routine and opinions on things. But also sharing his own.

Before he knows it he's off doing things in the village with that empty feeling. Sure it's a distraction, discussing matters with his brother, going about his day but there's no warmth waiting for him when he gets home so whats it all for? He hates that he realises this too.

The fact that he's very conscious about it leaves him on edge. Like he's wearing his robes wrong and they're tight and itchy. He feels uncomfortable. When are you coming home again? Extra grouchy.

Coming home for dinner alone would be too much at this point. Agrees to his brothers tenth invitation this week to join his family for dinner. Says it's to finally get him to stop asking. Won't admit it's because he's A LITTLE BIT lonely. Damn you for showing him what it's like to have warmth in his home.

It's definitely a longing. He thinks. Even watching how his brother is at home with his family makes him miss you more. It's not the distraction he hoped, it's only made that hole bigger. Goes home even grumpier.

When he gets home he's actually mad at you for leaving. Even though it was something you had discussed and agreed upon. He's mad because how was he supposed to know it would feel like this? Now he's even more mad because he feels mad about it.

Just kind pours himself a cup of sake and indulges himself by sitting in your shared home seeking out your presence. Goes to bed early and sleeps on your side. It has your scent and it's the closest thing to your warmth he can get.

It's a damn miracle when you return the next morning. He's both a little grouchy and clingy (for Tobirama) on your return. He's basically like No more trips away. It's too dangerous. (For his heart.)

Madara Uchiha

Okay so he's more reluctant to let you go without him not in a you can't handle yourself level but rather he's just incredibly clingy doesn't want you to go lol.

Misses you right away. Notices your presence isn't there instantly. Especially in the village because you're his one saving grace in everything. The light in the darkness, so now that's gone and he's just kind of lost.

Bit of a hermit and stays home at first. Just doesn't want to leave anything to do with your presence but also in general doesn't like being in the village without you.

Big fan of sleeping in and staying in bed just remebering all the time the two of you spend relaxing there. Makes him sadder though so he has to get out of there and mope somewhere else.

Spends a lot of time hanging around the roof of his house watching the village and at the table where you share your meals just thinking. He's the kind of person to remember conversations and how he felt having them. Reminices trying to chase those moments and feelings.

Decides he's going to make more of them the moment you're back.

Eventually though he has to leave the house to get supplies like food and stuff. So he visits the market and the local vendors (the nicer ones) inquire after you and that makes him smile. He likes that you've made a home for yourself, with him.

And now he's missing you all over again. But he doesn't feel like he needs to stay in the house. He takes the usual route the two of you do around the village on your walks. Stops at the shops you like just because. Buys you things for when you return.

When he does return home he cooks your favourite food even though he's not even sure when you'll be back. It just makes him feel connected to you. It brings him back to life a bit.

Once Madara mopefest has completed and he's used to you being away he also manages to go see Hashirama who takes him out around the village.

He's honestly just thankful when you return because home felt so empty without you. Next time he wants to go with you. He doesn't like being left behind.

[raytorosaurus]

maybe this is a 'hot take' for which i apologize but. i feel like fanart is a big aspect of this too- how different even is it to make 'rpf' of gerards stage characters as opposed to fanart of it. it's essentially only a different medium. keeping it separate from gerard (Person In Reality Who Has A Life) outside of (character he made up to have fun with) can also easily be an invitation for fans to have fun with it too. which is why a healthy relationship with it can and does bring good things. in theory i mean. ive never seen an mcr fanfic i really liked but :p

yeah i see what you mean, it's one of the reasons that the step from tumblr (or twitter) fandom to the ao3 tag feels like. quite an arbitrary place to draw the line? as if the same thoughts and behaviours are fine right up into they're intentionally put to prose - but images or even comics are okay, textposts discussing their emotions and states of mind as extrapolated from live shows or song lyrics, putting research into constructing timelines of their lives or compiling facts about them as people - even writing (sometimes quite detailed) sexually explicit posts/tags about them is common around here. i do a lot of these things too - i'm not saying they're inherently wrong or bad - but i genuinely don't see how they're any less prone to being disrespectful or invasive or comically removed from reality than a writer putting them in a situation lol. they all involve some level of assumption, scrutiny, and interpretation.

there are definitely valid arguments to make against engaging with rpf in a fandom sense! i totally respect that, and it's something i felt kind of ashamed/guilty about when i first got into mcr, so i understand the reservations. it's just that...the way i see it, i truly think those arguments just as reasonably apply to so much of what happens in any fandom involving real people. behaviours that are extremely common and far from unique to the online fan spaces of today, to the point where avoiding them is a more conscious decision than engaging in them. i respect if people do make that choice, but...that isn't any of us who are running mcr fanblogs yk? haha.

anyway yeah. i agree with you anon, i reckon most people's definition of what does and doesn't entail rpf is just a lot narrower than the reality. there's a lot of extremely beautiful, highly-skilled emotive fanart out there, for which i'm so appreciative! i 100% don't mean it as an insult when i say those often a different kind of rpf. so are the emotive posts about how much this tour means to all the guys, how happy they are, how much they love each other and how they're all friends. i'm not saying these things are untrue, i'm just saying they absolutely don't paint an unbiased holistic picture of real human beings and their genuine emotional states hahaha. neither does fanfiction. and i just think it's impossible to not realise that if you're engaging with fanfic in any kind of thoughtful way, as opposed to reblogging textposts about them on tumblr that also project a lot onto them, yk?

and okay. i also think "the bible/succession/velvet goldmine etc etc is rpf too! shakespeare wrote rpf!" is equally as reductive as "rpf is when fangirls write about band members boning each other." as always, there's just so much more nuance there. what does and doesn't make rpf is a lot more about intent, and if you're parasocially attached to these people as deeply as we all are, most of us just share that same intent. and from what i've seen (though in fairness this is the first real person fandom i've been in, and i only really talk to other adults) it tends to be the people actively engaging with fanfic who are a better at accepting how much of fandom is pure projection and assumption based on very limited information. and that acceptance is a huge part of having a healthier relationship with celebrities/bands/bandom (along with the conscious acknowledgement that these people don't owe us anything at all besides the shows we bought tickets for - least of all insight into their personal lives or private thoughts.)

like genuinely? free your minds. we're all making shit up based on the little parts we see, i think it's healthier and more fun to openly accept that. who cares what's real when we can talk about things in terms of narratives and arcs and metaphors - none of which truly exist in real life, which is infinitely complex and individual and messy. or, more precisely, who cares what's real as long as you know what isn't! and keep that stuff far far away from the real human people involved in the band.

[cheri-translates]

[CN] Victor’s Business Exhibition Date

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for a date, 企展之��, which has not been released in EN 🍒

[ This date was released on 16 July 2021 ]

After a meal on this weekend afternoon, I’m nestled on the sofa, watching a new episode of an anime.

MC: Hahahaha!

Watching the comical antics of the main character on-screen, I can’t help but laugh out loud.

“Whoosh--”

Hearing the rustling of papers from behind, I subconsciously shut my mouth, my line of sight flitting past the sofa and landing on Victor.

He’s sitting at the dining table, a look of concentration on his face while he reads a report. The small dining table is full of documents.

I had initially planned to watch movies with Victor at my place today. I didn’t expect him to be so bogged down with work lately, and unable to relax over the weekend.

MC: Victor, am I disturbing you? Why don’t you use the study room or my bedroom instead?

Without lifting his head, he props up the spectacles on the bridge of his nose.

Victor: Who was the one who wanted to “stick” together with me over the weekend?

MC: ...that’s true, but you’re focusing on work now.

He has no intention of continuing the conversation. Rubbing my nose guiltily, I head into the kitchen quietly. After cutting some fruits, I bring them over to the dining table.

MC: In that case, I’ll apologise to CEO Victor~

Sticking a toothpick into an apple slice, I bring it to him. He tilts his head up slightly, taking a bite from the apple in my hand.

From my peripheral vision, I spot an invitation card with the words “Elementary and Middle School Students” on it. Curious, I take a closer look.

MC: “Corporate Culture Exhibition for Elementary and Middle School Students”? Is LFG participating in the Corporate Culture Exhibition?

Victor: We received the invitation and haven’t decided if we’re participating.

MC: I see... I’ve never heard of this exhibition.

Victor: The government organised it this year. 

Victor: The officials said that it’s meant to introduce elementary and middle school students to outstanding occupations and various career paths to help them establish their aspirations.

MC: This exhibition seems pretty meaningful. It’s beneficial to LFG’s business image too.

MC: Come to think of it, I wonder if little kids have an understanding of LFG, and what kind of impression they have of LFG?

MC: Oh yes! There was a news report on elementary and middle schoolers going on company tours. Does LFG want to organise a similar activity?

Ideas come one after another in my mind. I rattle on about my opinions, but Victor doesn’t express anything.

When I start making an inventory of the company tour for students, the pen in his hand pauses, and he lifts his eyes slowly.

Victor: I can consider the exhibition, but not the company tour.

MC: Why not?

His deep eyes sweep over the anime on the television screen before landing on me.

Victor: There’s already one very noisy kid in LFG.

-

In the end, Victor accepts the invitation to the Corporate Culture Exhibition. The exhibition commences as scheduled.

Out of interest, I offer my services to Victor. I become a volunteer responsible for decorations at the venue.

Seeing the detailed and vivid posters introducing various occupations  in the exhibition hall, the LFG employees next to me are slightly awed.

LFG Employee A: It’s really nice that we have the chance to understand different occupations. When I was young, I thought there were only astronauts and scientists in the world.

LFG Employee B: Even if you only knew of those careers when you were young and decided on an aspiration, it might not become reality when you grow up. I wanted to be a dancer, but I’m doing something completely unrelated to the arts now.

LFG Employee A: That’s true. If it weren’t for the excellent pay in LFG, I’d probably be at my old home opening a second-hand bookshop and retiring early. Oh yes, MC, what did you want to do when you were young?

Getting pointed out suddenly while engrossed in their discussion causes me to be stunned momentarily.

MC: When I was young...

I blink, recalling somewhat faraway memories. Before I can ponder deeply, my phone rings - it’s a call from Victor.

Victor: Come to the café near the entrance of the exhibition hall.

MC: Now? What for?

Victor: ...what else can you do in a café? Play golf, amend proposals, go horse riding, drink coffee - which one do you think is the most suitable?

MC: ...to be honest, I can’t decide between the two options of “amend proposals” and “drink coffee”.

Victor: I ordered a custard cake. If you don’t come over, I’ll take it that you’re not interested.

MC: I’ll be there immediately!

After notifying those LFG employees, I turn around and head towards the café.

MC: Is this really okay? The others are still busy.

Victor: When did you have such a high sense of awareness? Who was the person who painstakingly learnt “Slacking Hacks” on the internet a few days ago?

MC: I was reading that for fun... I wasn’t planning to put it into practice.

Lifting my phone as I squeeze into the packed café, I notice that most of the people here are parents who are preparing to accompany their kids to the exhibition.

Victor: There’s still an hour till the exhibition begins. I’ve already told Goldman to inform everyone to take a break. In short, there’s no need to feel guilty, because...

Taking two steps into the café, I spot Victor at a glance as he sits at a table near the window calmly.

Seeing that I’m walking towards him, he puts down his phone gently, lifting his head to meet my eyes.

Victor: Aside from you, there’s another person who’s “slacking”.

Taken aback for a moment, I quickly react to the meaning in his words. My brows arch upwards as I take a seat.

MC: I didn’t expect to ever “slack” together with CEO Victor.

Elated, I pick up a fork and try a bite of the dessert in front of me. The custard melts in my mouth instantly, and it’s sweet and smooth.

MC: Delicious! As expected of CEO Victor’s pick~

Victor: Even delicious food can’t stop you from being talkative.

Right after saying this, he seems to stare at me fixedly, his expression slightly strange.

Just as I’m about to ask why he’s looking at me that way, he lifts up his coffee, his lowered eyelashes covering the smile in his eyes.

...am I overthinking things? Why do I feel as if he’s making a joke out of me?

Feeling puzzled, I notice a pen and a post-it booklet at the edge of the table.

MC: This is...?

A staff who is passing by takes a step forward, smiling as he explains.

Staff: This is a small event by our shop. You can write your hopes or suggestions for the children, then hang it on the “Hope Tree” near the door of the shop.

Struck with an idea, I pick up the pen and a post-it note.

MC: Victor, shall we write a few suggestions for the children too?

I tear a post-it note and give it to him. After staring at me in silence for a while, he suddenly reaches out his hand.

Victor: Give me one more.

MC: ?

MC: Does CEO Victor want to write a mini essay?

Ignoring my joke, he writes a sentence on each of the two post-it notes. He hands one to the staff, and stuffs the other one to me.

Bewildered, I sweep a glance at the post-it note given to the staff. The words “You only have one life” are written on it.

Lowering my head, I stare at the post-it note in my own hand. In an instant, I realise why he displayed such a strange smile earlier. There’s a short sentence written on the post-it note:

“Dummy, there’s custard on your cheek.”

??: Hello, could I trouble the two of you to help me with something?

My face reddens. After wiping the custard off my cheek with a tissue, I hear an unfamiliar female voice next to me.

Turning towards the sound, I see a lady standing beside me with two small boys.

Woman: I need to use the washroom, but bringing two boys with me isn’t really convenient. Could I trouble the both of you to take care of them for a while?

I ask for Victor’s opinion with my gaze, and he responds with a slight nod. Understanding this, I nod at the mother.

MC: Of course we can.

While thanking us, she gets the two children to sit at both ends of the table before hurrying off.

The table now comprises of the four of us - two adults and two children. The air gets filled with an inexplicable, thick awkwardness.

Victor looks at me. I look at the kids. The kids look at Victor... Clearing my throat, I decide to break this strange atmosphere.

MC: Kids, how old are the both of you?

Kid A: Mommy said that we can’t give personal information to strangers!

MC: ...

I didn’t expect to be given the cold shoulder the moment I opened my mouth. I release an embarrassed laugh.

MC: Personal information... You can use such advanced terms. You’re so smart haha.

A soft and low chuckle drifts to my ears. I glance at Victor as he picks up his coffee with a blank expression, staying uninvolved in the matter.

The other boy suddenly widens his eyes and leans towards me, pointing at my volunteer name tag and reading it aloud.

Kid B: L! F! G! Do you two work in LFG?

MC: Well...

I ponder over this. LFG is the investor of my company, and Victor is the CEO of LFG. So...

MC: I guess so.

Kid B: In that case, what are the two of you doing here? Did you sneak away?

MC: ...

Although these are unintentional words from a child, I avert my eyes guiltily. At this point, the kid who behaves like an adult speaks loudly.

Kid A: That’s impossible! Mommy said that everyone who works at LFG are really incredible people! They won’t sneak away!

Victor: Cough...

Victor pauses his sampling of the coffee. As though he choked on something, he clears his throat.

Kid B: Really?

The kid blinks his eyes as he waits for our response.

Victor’s expression is a little unnatural. He picks up a newspaper from a rack near the window, immersing himself in it.

Seeing him like this, he probably recalled the earlier conversation we had on “slacking” as well.

It’s rare to see Victor being choked up by someone. A little demon with horns suddenly appears in my heart.

I can’t help but laugh inwardly while turning to the kids.

MC: You’re correct. The employees from LFG never sneak away. We were talking about work-

MC: Right, Vic?

[Note] In CN, MC calls Victor “小李” (“xiao li”, which translates directly to Little Li).

Saying this, I wink at the person opposite me.

Victor arches his brows, astonishment in his eyes. Without waiting for him to speak, I immediately do a “stop” gesture with my hands.

MC: The previous proposal for the show is too conservative. There aren’t any highlights, and it isn’t clear who the target audience is. It might be a waste to show it during prime time.

Adjusting my posture, I clasp my fingers on the table, mimicking VIctor’s tone and expression.

MC: When will you be submitting the new proposal? Tomorrow is the deadline.

Kid A and B: Wow...

Awed gasps from the kids drift to my ears. I straighten up with pride, tilting my chin towards Victor.

He stares at me with a calm gaze, his eyes gradually illuminated with an unreadable, dense light.

He lowers the newspaper slightly, blowing the coffee in his hand gently and unhurriedly.

Victor: Are you sure these are the only problems, Miss CEO? 

Victor: I've also “reflected” much on that proposal, and there are some problems I haven’t had the chance to tell you about. 

Victor: Since you brought it up, I have no choice but to do a “self-reflection” here.

Victor’s tone is composed, and there isn’t a ripple in his expression. As compared to my pretentious posture, he’s laid-back and natural.

Victor: The theme of the show is too general and lacks a segment which stirs the audience. 

Victor: The structure also has the shadow of previous shows. A change in form but not substance - it’s a little unoriginal. 

Victor: A scandal broke out yesterday involving one of the guests for the show. A replacement guest has not been decided upon.

Victor: Also...

MC: Stop! I... I get it!

He leans against the back of the chair, a teasing glint in the depths of his eyes.

Victor: When will you be submitting the new proposal? Tomorrow is the deadline.

MC Tonight, tonight! I’ll definitely submit it tonight!

I reply instantly, my voice carrying with it some alarm. The corners of his lips hook upwards, and he retracts his “overbearing” aura.

Victor: I’ll wait and see.

I heave a sigh of relief, then feel a dryness in my mouth. Lowering my head to take a sip of coffee, I see the disappointed gazes of the two kids.

My cheeks flush. Just as I’m about to say something to salvage some pride, their mother returns, thanking us while taking them away.

I glare at Victor indignantly. He chuckles softly, then clasps his fingers together on the table just like I did earlier.

Victor: I look forward to your next “challenge”.

-

After the exhibition ends, Victor and I leave work early.

The weather is really nice today. We pick a restaurant nearby, planning to head there on foot.

Dusk hangs low, and a misty pink evening mist smudges the sky.

Perhaps due to how smoothly the exhibition went, little emotions surface in my heart. 

Beneath this beautiful sky, how many young aspirations and lives took flight earlier?

Victor: Why are you just standing there in a silly daze? Aren’t you hungry?

Retracting my thoughts, I see that Victor has stopped in front of me, his body turned to the side as he looks at me.

I hurriedly catch up to him, pulling on his arm.

MC: Victor, why did you write “You only have one life” on the post-it note today?

Victor: It’s true that you only have one life. Even an elementary student knows this principle.

MC: ...that’s not what I meant. I’m asking about what’s implied in it. For instance, are you asking the kids to seize the day and work their hardest?

His gaze lands on me. Seeing how serious I look, he slows down his pace slightly.

Victor: If you were to meet your childhood self, would you tell her to work her hardest?

MC: Mm... it’s difficult to say. I might tell her what to do in order for the current me to be even happier?

Victor: And that the reason why you can’t use an overly objective and rational principle to teach others. 

Victor: It’s a desirable trait to work their hardest so that there won't be any excuses to stop in their footsteps. 

Victor: But this doesn’t mean that everyone must have the goal of working their hardest.

Victor: After all, every person expects different things from themselves. 

Victor: Not everyone wants to stand at the peak. 

Victor: As compared to looking down from a mountaintop, there are some people who wish to happily and simply appreciate the scenery along the way. 

Victor: This might sound simple, but being an ordinary person isn’t easy.

Victor: “You only have one life” - this phrase has many meanings in different contexts.

I’m stunned for a moment. I initially thought that Victor’s words were meant to be a motivational quote, and didn’t expect for him to have such thoughts.

Even when he’s faced with young children, he doesn’t wish to give a fixed answer on the basis that he’s a mature adult.

My lips curl upwards, and I can’t help but stick a little closer to him.

MC: You’re right. After all, aside from people who stand at the peak, there are even more ordinary people.

MC: Ordinary people have one life too. They need to cherish it properly, and do what they want to do.

MC: CEO Victor, I’ve learnt something from you!

Clasping my hands together, I bow in mock seriousness. An almost indiscernible smile lifts the corners of his lips.

MC: Come to think of it, I had so many aspirations when I was young. Lawyer, teacher, police officer, judge... I didn’t expect to become a producer in the end. Perhaps in a parallel universe, there’s a me who became a lawyer, teacher or judge!

The scene from the café flashes across my mind, and I burst into laughter.

MC: I might even be a CEO! What do you think?

After I say this, Victor turns his head and gives me an amused glance.

Victor: I think you do behave like a CEO.

MC: It’s because I’ve been influenced after spending such a long time by your side~ Returning to the topic - what was your aspiration when you were young? To become a powerful business tycoon?

Victor: ...have you ever heard of a child having such a pragmatic dream?

MC: In that case, tell me about it?

He doesn’t respond, and simply keeps his eyes faced front. No matter how much I probe, he doesn’t speak.

The sweet fragrance of desserts wafts into my nose. Following the scent and turning to the bakery near the roadside, I’m struck with an idea.

Since I can’t crack this difficult question in a straightforward manner, I decide to adopt the process of elimination.

MC: A baker?

Victor: ...

A signboard with the words “Watchmaker Shop” enters my vision, and I immediately look at him.

MC: A watchmaker?

MC: The boss of a lottery shop?

MC: ...director of a zoo?

Throughout the journey, I rack my brain and ask him about all sorts of occupations. However, it’s clear that none of them are correct.

Finally, we stop in front of a crosswalk, waiting for the red light.

Looks like I won’t be able to get any answers from him today. Disappointed, I let go of Victor’s arm, releasing a soft “hmph”.

MC: Aren’t you curious if there was a choice and you weren’t the CEO of LFG, and if I weren’t a producer...

MC: What would our identities be? Would we meet? And what kind of a relationship would we have?

The red man at the other end of the road suddenly turns green, signalling for us to move forward.

My hand, which had drooped to the side, is lifted up gently by someone. His broad palm conveys a comforting temperature.

Victor: There’s nothing to be curious about.

The crowd flows past in an endless stream on the crosswalk. Their footsteps are hurried, and the tips of their feet point in different directions.

I look at the person beside me. His gaze is resolute as he holds my hand, taking large strides towards the restless crowd.

He seems to sense my gaze. Lowering his head slightly, the light in his eyes is deep and scorching.

Victor: The life that I want to choose most is already in my hand.

-

[ MOMENTS ]

Victor's Post: Turns out someone could still go to work normally after staying up to watch anime last night.

MC: Could we cancel tonight’s reservation at the restaurant? I really want to go straight home to sleep...

Victor: Eating is a necessity. The location will be changed to your home.

-

Victor's Post: Turns out someone could still go to work normally after staying up to watch anime last night.

MC: As long as I’m hardworking enough, nothing’s impossible!

Victor: Working hard to make yourself even more stupid?

-

Victor's Post: Turns out someone could still go to work normally after staying up to watch anime last night.

MC: I solemnly vow not to do such things again.

Victor: This vow better count before you start on the next anime.

���� Call: here

[drabbles-mc]

Trust Me

Juice Ortiz x F!Reader

Request by @adela-topaz-caelon: So, I love Juice, and I was wondering if you wouldn't mind doing a Juice x Female reader, in which the reader is Opie's younger sister, and helps the club in her own way. She's bubbly, but very ferocious when needs be, and the scenario I have in mind is they've always been attracted to each other, and good friends. When Potter first tries to coerce Juice, she knows something's up, works the truth out of him and goes on this mission for Juice that results in a fluffy coming together

Warnings: language, light angst, Juice being a soft and slightly sad boy

Word Count: 3.9k

A/N: I’m here for all these requests about helping Juice dig himself out of the hole he put himself in during this series haha. Love that for him. Also, this was the most I’ve ever written for Opie as a character and it was actually very enjoyable haha. Hope y’all like this! xo

SOA Taglist: @mijop @garbinge @masterlistforimagines (As always, let me know if you'd like to be tagged!)

You walked across the lot at T-M, scanning the garages for your brother, waiting to see him towering over everyone. He was nowhere to be found, though. With a quiet sigh, you walked up to the garage and waved to get someone’s, anyone’s attention who could give you an answer as to where he was.

Juice had spotted you the second you stepped down out of your car. He jogged over to you, a smile on his face as he met you on the pavement. His grin was one that was impossible not to return. He was wiping grease from the palms of his hands onto his pants so he could hug you without leaving any stains on you.

“Y/N, hey,” he wrapped you in a brief embrace, “All good?”

You stepped back and nodded, “All good. Just looking for Ope? Said he was gonna need help with a couple things tonight and to meet him here.”

Juice nodded, “Think he’s in the clubhouse.”

“Great! Thank you. I’ll see you in a bit,” you flashed him a smile before turning and walking across the lot to the clubhouse.

Juice was left there, unable to do anything besides watch you walk away. He couldn’t help but to be mesmerized by the way you walked, so lightly but with just enough authority to let people know that you weren’t someone to be messed with. Your smile was just inviting enough to let people know that you were kind, but not so disarming that you were setting yourself up to be taken advantage of. If growing up with Opie had taught you anything, it was how to carry yourself.

“You’re askin’ for trouble, brother,” Jax materialized behind him with a chuckle.

“What?” Juice tried to feign ignorance.

“Opie will stomp you out like the bug you are if you ever try to get too close to her.”

Juice shook his head, “I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

“Sure,” he chuckled and clapped him on the back, “Whatever you say.”

Despite the fact that Jax had just called him out, he still couldn’t make himself walk back to the garage until you had disappeared into the clubhouse, the door shutting behind you. Juice let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. With a shake of his head, he walked back to the truck that he had been working on, his brain now running at a mile a minute with so many different thoughts of you.

Juice had fallen a little in love with you the first time he’d seen you. He hadn’t been in Charming all that long, and was just starting to slip into the role of prospect. He was in the clubhouse, stacking cases of beer behind the bar when you came striding in. It felt like the wind had gotten knocked out of his lungs as he looked you over—he was certain that you had made a wrong turn somewhere. There was no way that a girl like you purposely landed yourself in a place like the Samcro clubhouse.

You’d walked up to the bar, given him a smile that made him weak in the knees, and asked if he had seen your brother.

“Wh-who’s your brother?” he stammered out nervously, now jittery not just from the fact that he thought you were beautiful, but also from the fact that you were the sister of one of the men in the MC.

You laughed as you sat down on the stool directly across from him, “Ah, so you’re the new guy,” you looked him up and down before finally answering his question, “Opie.”

His eyes went wide, “Opie?”

You chuckled, “I know—I got the all the looks and he got all the height. Unfortunate division of genes.”

“Thought I heard trouble,” Opie’s voice cut through the clubhouse before the conversation between you and Juice could continue any further.

You laughed as he walked up behind you, resting his hands down on your shoulders and pulling you back into him, you head resting back against the leather of his kutte. Opie had dismissed Juice, granting himself some privacy to be able to talk to his sister without any interruptions. However as Juice left the clubhouse that day, he knew that you were someone he wasn’t going to be forgetting about any time soon.

The two of you had become friends rather quickly after that. You loved all of the guys in the MC—they were your brothers as much as they were Opie’s. But you couldn’t deny that there was something different about Juice. He had a type of light and kindness emanating from him that you just didn’t see in Charming very often, let alone in the club. Your brother had kept a close, scrutinizing eye on you when the two of you first started spending time together, but as time went on he conceded that maybe it was a good friendship for the both of you. You were level-headed enough to keep Juice reined in, and he kept you from taking yourself too seriously. It took some time, but Opie eventually stopped feeling like he had to constantly be looking over your shoulder whenever you were around Juice.

That first day felt like it was lifetimes ago now, though. You made your way back to the dorms once you didn’t see Opie sitting in the main area of the bar. The door to his room was closed, so you gave it a couple knocks and waited for your cue to enter. A few moments later, Opie pulled the door open and offered up a tired smile as he pulled you into a hug and kissed the top of your head.

“You look like shit,” you said with a laugh as you sat down on his bed.

“Good to see you too,” he chuckled and shook his head, trying to smooth out his extremely disheveled hair.

“Everything alright?”

“Need to ask you for a favor.”

You nodded, assuming that that was where this conversation was going to be heading, “Whatever you need.”

“Got some club business to handle. Most of us are gonna be outta town for a few days. Was wondering if you would be willing to stay here and help keep things running smoothly?”

You shrugged, nodding, “Yea, of course. Who’s gonna have the kids?”

“Mom.”

You nodded, a little surprised that your mother was still willing to take the kids when Opie had club business. You weren’t going to get into that discussion with him, though, “Who else is staying behind?”

“It’s just gonna be you, Chucky, and Juice. Gemma’s got family shit going on so we could really use you here at T-M. Mechanics will still be on deck and everything, but I’d feel better knowing we had someone else here who was Samcro.”

You loved that you got to be part of the inner circle of everything happening with the club. You didn’t get to know everything, but you got to know more than most. The fact that Opie trusted you meant the world to you. There was something exciting about the fact that every now and then he talked about you like you were part of the club.

“I got you,” you said with a nod, “But I’m crashing here. I don’t trust what might be on the sheets in anyone else’s dorms.”

He laughed, “Smart,” he ran his hands over his face, “Thank you, Y/N. I appreciate it.”

“You guys heading out tonight?”

“Couple hours,” he sighed, “Sorry for the short notice.”

You shrugged, “No big deal. We always figure it out,” you stood up and gave him a hug, “I’m gonna go pack some shit to bring here with me for the next few days. I’ll try to be back before you guys head out.”

“Alright. Love you.”

“Love you back,” you called to him as you walked out of his dorm.

Later that afternoon, once all of the guys had peeled out of the compound, you realized just how quiet things were at T-M when they weren’t all around causing trouble. It was peaceful but it also felt a little empty. The chaos is what made it feel like home.

You walked into the clubhouse and saw Juice sitting at the bar, typing furiously away at his laptop. You smiled as you sauntered onto the other side of the bar, grabbing one beer for yourself and one for him, popping the caps off on the edge of the bar. You set his next to his laptop and you saw the smile creep across his face even though he didn’t take his eyes off of the screen in front of him.

“Just you and me for the next few days, Juice,” you said with a smirk.

That got his eyes to flick up to you for a moment. He smiled, a nervous laugh slipping out past his lips, “Looks like it.”

“Don’t look so nervous,” you chuckled, “You know I don’t bite.”

It hit Juice that this was the first time that the two of you were going to be left to your own devices for an extended period of time. The idea of it was exciting and terrifying for him all at once. For years he’d admired you and kept it to himself so he wouldn’t catch any of Opie’s wrath. But he had never been able to shake the feeling that maybe, possibly, you felt the same way about him. He was never bold enough to ask, but there was always a feeling in his gut that his feelings weren’t one-sided. There had never been the chance to even try to discuss it, there were always so many other people around, namely your brother and your father. Neither of those men were people that Juice felt like pissing off.

“You crashing here?” he asked.

You nodded as you sipped on your beer, “Yea. Taking Ope’s room. You?”

He nodded, “Always do when the guys leave town. Someone’s gotta stay here and make sure the bad guys don’t get in,” there was a childish grin on his face.

You laughed, “The bad guys just rolled out of town a few minutes ago.”

The two of you existed peacefully with each other as the afternoon bled over into the evening. You were camped out on the picnic table outside the clubhouse, a drink in one hand and a book in the other. You were laying on your back on top of the table, book perched carefully on your chest as you absorbed another page of the story.

You heard Juice’s phone going off, followed quickly by the sound of him answering it. You wanted to eavesdrop, but he was just a little too far away to be able to make out what he was saying. You sat up on the table, swinging your legs so that your feet landed on the bench. You stretched and waited for Juice to step outside.

He came out a couple minutes later, shrugging a hoodie on over his kutte. You saw the confused look on his face and just as you were about to ask him where he was going, he turned and looked at you, “Be back in a bit. Got some shit I gotta handle.”

“Everything okay?”

He nodded, “Yea. Just lock the gate behind me, don’t want you here by yourself unprotected.”

You agreed, fighting the urge to ask all of the questions that were bubbling up in your mind. You watched as he pulled his helmet on and hopped onto his bike. He looked at you and offered up a half-hearted smile before peeling out of the compound. With a heavy sigh, you did as he asked, shutting and locking the gates behind him once he had left.

Your original plan had been to head to bed, but you knew that you weren’t going to be able to fall asleep without knowing that he was back safe and sound in the clubhouse. A million different scenarios were running through your mind as you made your way back to Opie’s dorm. You tried to tune out your own brain as you changed into an old hoodie and a pair of sweatpants. You figured you would just hang out in the clubhouse and wait for Juice to get back—there wasn’t much else to do otherwise especially now that you were locked onto the compound.

Not too long after Juice had left, you got a check-in text from Opie. You didn’t mention that Juice had left you on your own. It was either one of two scenarios: it was club business and Opie knew about it, or it was personal business and Opie didn’t need to know about it. You reassured him that all was quiet.

Juice had been gone for a couple hours and you were starting to get worried. You wanted to reach out, send a text or give him a call, but you refrained. If he needed your help he knew how to reach you. You were sprawled on the couch in the clubhouse, eyes resting shut but still incredibly awake.

You heard the clubhouse door open. You slowly sat up and looked over at Juice, who was clearly trying to step quietly because he thought that you had been asleep. Embarrassment flashed across his features for a moment when he saw you looking at him attempting to tip-toe on the creaky hardwood floors. He looked so much more exhausted than when he had left.

“You okay? Was starting to get a little worried.”

He nodded, “Fine. Just some personal shit going on.”

He had never been a good liar. But you knew that it wasn’t the time to press the issue, “Alright. I’m here if you wanna talk, you know. Every now and then I even have good advice.”

He forced a smile, “Thank you.”

He disappeared back towards the dorms and left you alone in the open expanse of the bar. You sighed, leaning your head back against the arm of the couch. Running your hands down over your face, you let out a quiet groan. You got up off the couch and shut off all the lights in the main area of the bar. It was one of the only times you’d ever seen it empty, clean, and quiet. You headed back towards the dorms.

Stopping just outside Juice’s door, you took a deep breath in to pluck up some courage. You tapped your knuckles lightly on his door that was slightly ajar. You heard some shuffling around before his voice called out for you to come in.

You walked in to see him in a t-shirt and a pair of boxers. Your breath got caught in your throat, and for a moment you forgot that you were popping in to check on him. You shook your head to dispel the thoughts. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, feet planted firmly on the floor. He wouldn’t look up at you and it made your heart sink inside your chest.

“You sure you’re alright? If you want some company I—”

“I’m fine,” he cut you off, something he’d never done before, “Goodnight, Y/N. I’ll see you in the morning.”

You tried to hide how much it had stung to have him be that short with you. Your voice was soft, “Goodnight.”

You laid in bed and stared up at the ceiling. You hated that Juice being short with you had such a negative effect on you, but he’d never been that way with you. The club had been through some serious ups and downs, and even when things felt like they were crumbling, he was always kind and soft with you. It concerned you as much as anything else.

It was reaching into the small hours of the morning and you still hadn’t been able to fall asleep. You huffed, swinging your legs off the bed and standing up. You flipped the hood of your sweatshirt up and made your way out into the clubhouse, hoping that maybe a shot or two of something strong would help put you to sleep. You were fumbling around in the dark when you heard the click of a gun behind you.

“It’s me,” you knew it was Juice, so you didn’t bother to turn around.

“Jesus Christ,” he clicked the safety back on his gun and let his hands drop to his sides, “Why are you up so early?”

“Late,” you corrected, “Never fell asleep.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously,” you grabbed a bottle of whiskey and took a swig, cringing as the liquor burned down your throat.

“Whoa, whoa,” Juice walked over and took the bottle from you, “I don’t think that’s the answer to the problem.”

You looked at him, still seeing worry etched into his features, the light in his eyes just a little duller than usual, “What’s going on with you?”

He glanced over at you as he put the bottle away, “What?”

“You heard me. What happened tonight?”

“Is that why you haven’t been able to sleep?”

It felt childish to say, but you did anyway, “You’ve never snapped at me like that.”

He sighed, running his hand along his fauxhawk as he did. He forced himself to look over at you. He couldn’t lie to you but he didn’t want to tell you the truth either. There was too much on the line for both of you.

“It’s nothing that you need to get roped into,” he answered honestly.

“I’m not just Opie’s sister, you know,” you waited for him to look you in the eyes, “I’m your friend. I’m…I’m someone who cares about you. You can talk to me—I’m not just gonna go running to my fucking brother.”

“I know,” his response was immediate, “I know you won’t. It’s not that. It’s just, fuck,” he shook his head, “The whole thing is a mess.”

“C’mon,” you waved for him to walk with you back towards the dorms, “sit and talk with me.”

The two of you found yourselves sat on Juice’s bed. You were both sitting cross-legged, facing each other. Juice twisted his hands nervously in his lap as he started to tell you about everything that had been happening with him and Roosevelt and Potter. He told you about what they had said to him at the meeting that night, about the position that they were putting him in.

“I can’t go to the club with this.”

“Why not?” you knew the situation wasn’t ideal, but there was no one that the club hated more than the feds. If anything, they would be more than willing to help take them down or at the very least run them out of Charming.

“I can’t risk losing this,” he gestured around him to the dorm and clubhouse around him, “It’s the only home, the only family that I’ve got,” he paused, eyes searching your face for a moment, “And I can’t lose you either.”

A wave of warmth washed over you at the sentiment. You reached forward and placed your hands on top of his, “Juice, like it or not, you’re never going to be able to get rid of me. You’re stuck with me now.”

He chuckled, trying to make it seem like his emotions weren’t about to get the better of him, “Promise?”

“Promise,” you nodded towards his nightstand where his laptop was resting, “Grab that for me.”

He did as you asked, but couldn’t hide his confusion as he handed it over to you. You smiled at the expression on his face as you began to start typing away on his keyboard. In that moment he realized he’d never seen you use a computer—you’d never had a reason to around him. He watched in awe as your fingers flew across the keyboard.

You were lying on your stomach on his bed, laptop propped up on his pillow. Juice was lying down beside you, close enough for you to feel the heat radiating off of his body and soaking into yours. You tried not to focus on that as you continued to click through windows and move things around on his desktop.

“Do I get to ask what you’re doing?”

You chuckled, “I’m doing a little information recon,” you glanced over at him with a smile, “You’re not the only one with tech know-how around here, Juicy. I just never wanted to steal your thunder in front of the guys.”

He chuckled, shaking his head, “How kind of you. What’re you looking for, anyway?”

“Dirt,” you replied simply.

“On Potter?” when you nodded in response, he couldn’t hide the doubt that was warping his features, “You’re not going to be able to find anything on him. There’s no way his shit isn’t locked in a vault somewhere behind twenty million walls of encryptions.”

You shook your head, “Oh ye of little faith. No one is clean,” you sighed, “Especially not the fucking feds.”

Juice laughed, “Now you’re sounding like a patch.”

You chuckled, “Might as well be.”

Your typing faltered when you felt his hand slide underneath the warm fabric of your hoodie. His palm rested gently in the center of your back, and he didn’t make any comment about it. You fought to keep your composure, but the warmth seeping into your skin from his was making it difficult.

He rested his chin onto your shoulder and you felt like you were about to combust. He spoke up, his tone gentle, “Thank you.”

“Yea,” you fought to keep your tone even, “of course. You know I’ve always got your back.”

“And I’m sorry. About earlier, I mean. I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that—I know you just wanted to help.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not,” he slid his hand so that his arm was wrapped around you and pulled you close to him, prying your attention away from his computer, “I was just hit with all these thoughts of losing everything that I have here. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you.”

You reveled in the feelings of his arms being wrapped around you. Gently, hesitantly, you reached out and traced your fingers down the side of his face. He let his eyes flutter shut as he leaned into your touch and you could feel your heart swelling inside your chest. There was a softness to him that you hoped he would never lose.

“We’re going to figure this out,” you leaned in and pressed your forehead to his, “Do you trust me?”

He took a deep breath and nodded as he wrapped his arms tighter around you, “Yea, I do.”

“Juice?” you asked after a few moments of silence.

He pulled away from you just enough so that he could look into your eyes, “Yea?”

“Can I stay here with you tonight?”

His heart was beating fast enough that he could’ve sworn that you could hear it, “Y-yea. Of course.”

You smiled as you shut the laptop and placed it back onto his bedside table. You shimmied yourself underneath the covers and waited for him to do the same. It was going to be a long few days of trying to get as many answers put together before everyone got back, but those were problems for the morning. For now, you focused on the feeling of Juice’s heartbeat against your cheek as you snuggled into him. His hand caressed your back and you let out a quiet hum of contentment. You felt him smile against your forehead before he placed a gentle kiss there.

“Goodnight,” he said softly.

You finally felt your exhaustion starting to kick in, “Goodnight.”

[a-queer-seminarian]

Hello, you seem to be knowledgeable about god. Do you know where to find him and what his weaknesses are? I have dedicated my life to hunting him down and killing him for the indescribable amount of suffering he has directly or indirectly caused.

cw: violent language, including about fighting / killing God; as well as discussion of the Shoah / Holocaust later on in the post

(gonna start this long-ass response by saying that yes, i know this anon is probably joking about dedicating their life to hunting down God, but i’m gonna answer it like they’re serious because that’s the kind of person i am haha)

honestly anon, all power to ya! it sounds like my own understanding of God is quite different from yours (for instance, i would claim that God’s main weakness is actually Their best strength, which is compassion and steadfast solidarity) -- but the question of why God allows suffering is one i come back to all the damn time.

if you do track God down -- if God turns out to be a Being that can be tracked down to one location and time -- please do deliver my regards and my sincerest “WTF??”

you’re not the first to demand God answer for the suffering that’s happened on Their watch --

for if God is truly omnipotent, and truly all-loving, why don’t they do something about all this pain??? Indeed, the Bible is rich with similar demands -- from the psalmists to Job to Jesus himself from the cross (quoting a psalm, he cries, “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me??”).

You might already know all this, but if not, the question of God’s place in suffering is often referred to as theodicy, at least in Christian circles.

That term comes from the Greek for god + justice, so what it literally means is “justifying (or vindicating) God”....which I’m not a huge fan of, because it implies that when we explore this question of where God is in suffering, we already know the result will be that God will be proven innocent (or at least “not guilty”).

But do we know that?? See the bottom of this post for an example of a time people of great faith found God guilty!

Anyway, theodicy describes intellectual efforts “to jerry-rig three mutually exclusive terms into harmony: divine power, goodness, and the experiences of evil.“ - Wendy Farley

If you want to learn more about theodicy and the way some theologians have “made sense” of suffering, check out this introductory post I’ve got.

Or wander through my whole #theodicy tag over on my other blog.

I invite you to explore theodicy not in any attempt to convince you of anything, but so you know some of the arguments you’re up against! Honestly, the more i explore theodicy, the less satisfied i am with any justifications for why God doesn’t intervene in the face of so much suffering...so if you do the reading and still conclude God is guilty, i’m not gonna tell you you’re definitely wrong.

Anyway. Like i said, you’re not alone in wanting answers for why God -- however, i don’t know that i’ve seen anyone else with your determination to find and kill God!

(Except, and i hate that i know this lol, that’s apparently the plot of the final season of Supernatural -- they find out God’s a total ass who not only is guilty of negligence but also directly responsible for a lot of suffering for his own sadistic enjoyment. so. they kill the bastard.)

Still, while i don’t know that i’ve seen too many people who want to take God out, the idea of wrestling God is pervasive -- especially within Judaism, but also among some Christians.

i’m very into wrestling God, myself, finding it far more faithful to the God who gifted us free will and invites us into true, mutual relationship than unquestioning obedience.

i have a whole #wrestling God tag over on my other blog.

For the most intense example of wrestling with God i’ve yet seen, with God put on trial and found guilty, keep reading.

_________

cw: discussion of the Shoah / Holocaust below

You might connect to Elie Wiesel’s play The Trial of God, or the movie that was made based off it. Wiesel survived Nazi concentration camps but ceased to believe in God after what he suffered. His play was inspired by something he witnessed while a teen at Auschwitz:

"I witnessed a strange trial. Three rabbis—all erudite and pious men—decided one winter evening to indict God for allowing his children to be massacred. I remember: I was there, and I felt like crying. But nobody cried."

Robert McAfee Brown wrote more about this trial Wiesel witnessed:

“The trial lasted several nights. Witnesses were heard, evidence was gathered, conclusions were drawn, all of which issued finally in a unanimous verdict: the Lord God Almighty, Creator of Heaven and Earth, was found guilty of crimes against creation and humankind.”

Note that in 2008 when commenting on this event, Wiesel clarified that “At the end of the trial, they used the word chayav, rather than ‘guilty.’ It means ‘He owes us something.’”

In the chapter “No God, Only Auschwitz” of his book Embracing Hopelessness, Miguel A. De La Torre comments on this verdict by explaining that if God wasn’t going to intervene, then God must at the least speak -- but instead, God was silent:

“God must be held accountable for refusing to speak to those yearning for God’s voice. Something. Anything. A note of solidarity. A testament of love, accompaniment. But they hear and receive nothing. The trial...ends with God owing us something.

De La Torre goes on to describe the play Wiesel wrote based on this memory, which actually takes place in a 1649 Ukranian village, rather than at Auschwitz. The Cossacks raid the village and kill all but two of its Jewish residents.

“In Wiesel’s play, he has the inkeeper Berish voice the same questions those sitting in death camps centuries later asked, if not audibly, then silently:

‘To mention God’s mercy in Shamgorod [Auschwitz] is an insult. Speak of his cruelty instead. ...I want to understand why. He is giving strength to the killers and nothing but tears and the shame of helplessness to the victims. ...Either he is responsible or He is not. If He is, let’s judge him; if He is not, let him stop judging us. ...

‘[I] accuse Him of hostility, cruelty and indifference. ...Either He knows what’s happening to us, or He doesn’t wish to know! In both cases He is...guilty! Would a father stand by, quietly, silently, and watch his children being slaughtered?’”

De La Torre continues with his own thoughts on all this:

“The horrors humanity faces indict God as being less loving and attentive than sinful parents. I hesitate to make any pronouncements as to the character of God because in the final analysis, I lack any empirical knowledge upon which to base my study. Still with all my heart and being I want to say: my God is the God of the oppressed who incarnates Godself among the least of these.

I want to make this bold claim based on the testimony of the gospel witness. But in the midst of the dark night, I confess this hopeful belief is at best a tenet accepted by faith, lacking any means of proving the truth or falsehood of the claim. In the shadow of Auschwitz, though I am not Jewish, nonetheless I am left wondering if the precious Deity who notices the fall of a sparrow is blind to God’s children crushed in the winepress. Do I dare wonder if God is the God of the oppressors?

...Or maybe this is a God who really wants to do good, but lacks the power to do anything in the face of inhumanity. ..."

There’s one more piece to this tale of Wiesel’s witness of the trial of God at Auschwitz. And that is that, after declaring God guilty (or chayav)...

...after what Wiesel describes as an "infinity of silence", the Talmudic scholar looked at the sky and said "It's time for evening prayers", and the members of the tribunal recited Maariv, the evening service. (McAfee Brown)

...That ending is the part that astounds and awes me. These Jewish prisoners at Auschwitz find God guilty -- and then proceed to pray as they always do. I am reminded of what my Jewish friends as well as various Jewish scholars have told me: that Judaism is totally compatible with wrestling with God and even with disbelief. Whether these Jewish prisoners believed God even existed, they prayed -- because that tradition of prayer is what unites them to one another, to their people.

As De La Torre closes his telling of Wiesel’s story,

“At the conclusion of the movie God on Trial, based on the events Wiesel described, shortly after the barrack inmates find God guilty, and those chosen are marched to the gas chamber, they cover their heads and pray. ...

Believers and unbelievers who took the audacious act of placing God on trial do what is totally illogical -- in the midst of their hopelessness they demonstrate their faith as they march toward the gas chambers, or they defiantly embrace who they are while still remaining in heated conversation, damning God. It matters not if God still hears their prayers, or if there even is a God to hear; they still pray, they still debate -- not for God’s sake, but for their own.”

And that brings me to the one bit of actual advice I’ll give you, anon:

If you want to spend your life “hunting God down,” as I said, all power to you! But I do suggest you ponder for whose sake you do so -- and whether you do so for justice or just revenge. What good does such a quest do for those who are suffering now? Are their other paths you could follow that would bring more good? What about your own healing? I imagine you’re not interested in repairing any relationship with religion -- would walking away from God rather than hounding God be a more healing and fruitful path for your finite life?

I’ll close with one more quote from De La Torre, from the very end of his chapter:

“As I stroll through what was once the concentration camp of Dachau, I am cognizant that this space witnessed the unspeakable horrors that befell God’s children at the hands of Christians hoping for a better, purer society and future. ...So do not offer me your words of hope; offer me your praxis for justice. ...In the midst of unfathomable suffering, the earth’s marginalized no longer need pious pontifications about rewards in some hereafter. Nor do they need their oppressors providing the answers for their salvation. What is needed is disruption of the norm to push humanity toward an unachievable justice.

When there is nothing to lose, when work does not set you free, not only are multiple possibilities opened up with new opportunities for radical change unimaginable to those playing it safe; but also a venue is provided by which to get real with whatever this God signifies. ...”

[porkchop-ao3]

A Thrill I’ve Never Known (Chapter 63)

Goodbyes

Soooo this one has some gory details I guess, and some sad moments. But I hope you enjoy! Please let me know if you’re still enjoying this because I could use the motivation haha 😅

Tagging @emily-strange and @actuallyhansolo ❤

(All chapters tagged with #ATINK and also posted on Ao3, username PorkChop)

-

I stood outside the tent flaps. They were drawn closed and shivered in the wind in a ghostly fashion that made the hair on my arms stand up when the wind didn't even have much of a chill. The sounds I heard weren't pleasant. Shaky, gurgled breaths, rolling grunts and heaves, raspy inhales and sharp exhales. A near constant string of sickening moans. He was alone in there, with Dutch off out somewhere, with Miss Grimshaw giving him all she could before leaving the tent, and nobody else liking him enough to want to sit by his bedside… Micah was alone. Alone, and dying. 

I sighed and pulled back the canvas and peered inside. There he was, laying down on Dutch's bed, his shirt was off and his gut was bound up with bandages and rags, tight, but blood had still managed to seep through. The tent smelled like sweat and something rotten, like death, it was heady and warm and it caught in my throat and made me want to gag, but I entered anyway. I approached him, looked down at his scrunched up, agonised face, shiny with perspiration and a mix of deathly washed out skin and blotchy, feverish redness in his cheeks, running down to his neck. His hair looked wet and it clung to his forehead and laid limp and messy, framing his head against the pillow. 

I covered my mouth with my hand and stared down at the sight before me. This man… whom I'd worked with, spoken with, shared a drink with, lived with. Whom once upon a time had seemed like a friend, like our bond would grow closer in the name of the gang and the family we shared. But here he was, laying motionless and in pain, suffering in a prolonged state of hell. Because he'd tried to kill me. 

I felt guilty. No. I felt as though I should feel guilty, but I didn't. And that in itself generated a sickly sensation in the pit of my stomach that was something like guilt, but far more muddied. 

"Micah," I whispered, my head shaking of its own accord. His eyes flashed open and he stared up at me with a bloodshot, dilated gaze that unnerved me. His teeth were bared, and something that sounded like his laugh escaped him but was quickly interrupted by a choking cough and a groan. "You really did it this time," I sighed. 

"F– fu–" the sounds he made were weak, shaky, drawn out and almost incomprehensible. He was struggling bad. 

"I'm surprised you thought you could get away with that. You know that even if you had shot me, Arthur would've killed you immediately afterwards. It wasn't the smartest move. But you're paying for it. For your lies and betrayal and the suffering you have caused," I said to him, standing over him. He stared at me, unblinking, shivering. "You smell like death," I added. 

"You'll– you'll never be free. Y-you know that… right?" He spoke breathlessly. I stared blankly at him. 

"You'll be free soon. From all this," was my nonchalant response. "You're gonna die." 

"I'm a fighter," he hissed, his shaking hand rising to his gut, gingerly resting there against the soiled bandages. 

"You don't look good at all," I frowned sadly at him. "Arthur stabbed you deep. Charles said it might've punctured your bowels."

A grunt of some sort came from him, it wasn't clear whether he was trying to speak. 

"That's a death sentence, really. How could it not be? Your heart is pumping dirty blood to every part of your body," I bent down, leaning close to him. "Even dirtier than it was when you weren't dyin'."

Micah's face screwed up tighter, something like dread seeping into his aura. 

"I'm just having fun with you, sweet thing," I whispered to him, smirking as I regurgitated his own words back to him.

"'Least my prediction came true," he grunted. 

"Which one?" 

"We'd either f-fuck each other or–"

"Oh yeah," I cut him off. "Only it ain't me that's killed you." 

A smile passed over my lips as I thought of Arthur. 

"And you're alone. Ain't nobody here to help you through your suffering," I continued. 

"You're here," he pointed out, seemingly taking a kind of satisfaction from it. 

"Only so I remember this," I shrugged. "I'd rather this be my last memory of you, instead of that God awful kiss."

My gut churned uncomfortably. I felt so strange. At the mention of his kiss, I almost pitied him, and that brought some real guilt. His eyes kept trying to roll back, his breathing was becoming far more strained and the gap between each one increased and increased. He didn't have long, that much was clear. 

He was evil. He'd betrayed the gang, tried to frame me and then tried to kill me, all the while toying with me from day one. Kissing me just so he could violate me. What a vile man.

Even so, I didn't feel good about the way he was dying. I rested my hand on the Schofield revolver at my hip, wondering whether I should use it. I eyed Micah, his gaze had gone soft, out of focus, ascending to the top of the tent. I never thought I would see him so weak and vulnerable. I dropped my hand away and sighed.

"Things could've been so different, you know," I told him, brow curving, bottom lip protruding. "You did all this. If you'd just left me be earlier in Van Horn, if you'd kept your mouth shut to those Pinkertons– no, if you'd never worked for the Pinkertons at all. Maybe we'd all have a fighting chance. But you thought you were special, huh?"

I shook my head and sighed. 

"Don't think for one second that any of this ain't your fault," I finished. "But I suppose I should thank you, really… if it weren't for all this, Arthur and I wouldn't be leaving tonight. Jack wouldn't be getting away from here with his family just yet. Who knows when that would've happened without your help."

He wasn't making much noise, and I stepped forwards, frowning. I reached my hand out, hovering the back of it in front of his mouth and nose. I felt his hot breath against my skin and immediately withdrew. It was weak, but it was there. I swallowed hard. 

"Thank you, Micah," I finally said. Then I turned around, heading out of the tent. I paused before walking away, considering my next actions carefully, unsure if it was the right thing to do but knowing that I would think about it for years to come if I didn't. I took the canvas in hand and drew it back, securing it in place to expose the outside world to him. I didn't know for certain why I was compelled to do that; perhaps it stemmed back to when my brother and I opened a window when each of our parents passed to let their souls leave. Perhaps it was because I figured Micah deserved at least one last look at the rising sun. Either way, I walked away once the tent was open, knowing that it was the last I'd see of him alive. 

Arthur caught my eyes from across camp. He looked as though he'd been searching for something, and by the way he immediately beelined for me, I realised it had probably been me. I met him halfway, and he eyed up the open tent behind me with a small frown upon his face. 

"What're you doing in there with him? He don't deserve one second of your time," he scolded, though his hands scrubbed my upper arms affectionately. 

"Just needed to see how he was doing. He's goin', Arthur. Ain't nothing for it," I shook my head. His eyes were intense in how they gazed into mine, and he nodded slowly.

"I can't believe he kissed you," he whispered. 

"No… I can't say I expected it," I frowned, looking down, "I'm so sorry."

"Ain't you who's gotta be sorry."

"No, I do, maybe I… maybe I pushed him. I should'a known better than even talking to him when he was in that mood."

"What mood?" Arthur frowned.

"Just, saying all this crap, about how there's something between him and I, a fire, when we bicker," I murmured, not really wanting Arthur to hear it. "When he kissed me, I froze, couldn't do nothing. I'm sorry." 

Arthur was quiet for too long and it made me anxious. When I looked up at him, his eyes were distant and hurt and angry, and he was gazing towards Micah.

"Arthur?" I whispered. His jaw grew tenser and I could practically see the plan forming in his head, then a second passed and he began walking, but I grabbed his arm to stop him. "He's dying anyway, leave it."

"I can make it quicker–"

"Arthur, just stop. I don't want that. He got what he deserved already, I just wanna leave him behind. What he did don't matter, didn't mean a damn thing," I pleaded, holding his arm tight despite the fact he carried on walking. "Please kiss me. Make me forget about it," I cried out, and it made him stop. 

He was still for a moment, his back to me. Then he whirled around and cupped my face, pushing his mouth to mine and stealing my breath, exploring me with tongue and kissing me with such a flame it burned and melted me beneath his fingertips. Didn't matter at all that we were in the middle of camp. When he broke the kiss his mouth stayed close to mine, puffing hot breaths. 

Before he could say or do anything, I asked; "when're we leaving?" 

"Soon. Abigail got the money. Just our share, like we discussed. I've packed our things and spoke to a few others– Lenny's coming too. And… and Susan is," he said, and my eyes flashed wide and I jerked back a bit in surprise. He was nodding in agreement before I even said anything, "I know, I'm as surprised as you are. She came and spoke to me after she realised what we was planning and invited herself along without a second thought. I weren't even planning on asking, just coz she's been with Dutch so long–"

"I thought she was on his side! Patching Micah up like that," I exclaimed and Arthur nodded. 

"Yeah, so did I. But she was just doing what she felt she had to. Was a wild few minutes when all that happened, she couldn't just leave him. But she… she's had time to think now," he told me, looking over his shoulder at her as she packed up her things. He whispered the next part. "She's not happy with Dutch's behaviour. She sees as clear as I do how he's changed."

"God… it feels good knowing we ain't alone," I sighed. 

Arthur nodded. "Lenny don't like how he's been handling things, neither. Wanting to leave John to rot, taking advantage of Eagle Flies."

"Tilly's leaving. So are Mary-Beth and Kieran. I asked 'em if they wanted to come with us, but it seems they're trying to get away from it all for good," I told him. Arthur exhaled and his shoulders dropped. It was relief. 

"Good. That's good. What about Karen?" 

"I don't know about Karen. She says she's fine, but…" I trailed off. "She didn't say she'd come with us."

"I'll try talking to her," he said, and I nodded. 

"But Charles said he'd come, and he asked Sadie… we got quite the family forming," I said hopefully.

"It'll just be till we get on our feet, make sure everyone's got a plan. A real one. A proper way out; not what Dutch's been promising all this time."

"And then what?" I asked, and Arthur blew a jet of air through his lips as his eyes peeled to the sky. 

"I don't rightly know. Maybe you and I'll head west like we were going to before… before everything," he breathed. I nodded, reaching up and stroking his cheek. 

"I love you," I whispered to him, and he cupped his hand over mine and leaned into it, closing his eyes momentarily. 

"Then it's all worth it," he whispered, then took my hand from his face and squeezed it, "come on, princess, let's finish packing up. We're taking a couple wagons, don't care what anyone says. I want us gone before Dutch comes back."

-

The gang disbanded a little like this; while we were preparing to leave, others dropped off too. Trelawny was the first to get gone, he spoke to Arthur and I and we wished each other the best of luck and then he waltzed out of camp like he'd done many times before. Pearson was next, he quietly slipped away with only a few words of goodbye. Then Swanson and Uncle left. Mary-Beth and Kieran were all prepared to go but hung back, seemed nervous and hesitant. Some didn't seem prepared to leave at all. Most notably Javier and Bill, of course, but also Strauss. He sat with his little ledger and didn't move, as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Not that I had any disappointment over the fact he wasn't coming with us, after the work he gave to Arthur.

We were all ready. Arthur, Charles, Sadie, John, Abigail, Jack, Lenny, Susan and I. Our things were distributed across two wagons and we could leave at any moment. It was so strange. Bill had come over to argue over us taking the wagons but Arthur had reasoned with him. It wasn't a violent or aggressive reasoning, it was a respectful plea. Let us go our way so that you can go yours. As thick-skulled as Bill could be, even he accepted it.

Tilly approached Arthur and I where we stood by the wagon, making final preparations for our departure. Karen was behind her, looking dazed and tired and only slightly more sober than the last time I'd seen her. 

"I, uh, I'm leaving now… and I'm taking Karen with me, ain't that right?" Tilly said firmly, glancing over her shoulder at Karen. 

"It's a hostage situation," Karen murmured, her arms crossed vulnerably over her chest. Tilly breathed a laugh and shook her head. 

"I'm gonna make sure she pulls herself together. We both need to get away from this, find something normal. I ain't leaving her to find some ditch to lay down and die in," she explained bluntly and Karen scoffed.

"I love how you see my potential, Miss Jackson," Karen rolled her name off her tongue with attitude, but a lot of love. It was honestly a massive relief to know that they would be leaving together. They'd have each other, and Tilly was a smart woman and she'd make sure Karen looked after herself. They just needed a better environment to thrive in. 

"You're my friend, Karen, I'm just being honest," Tilly sighed. I smiled at them both. 

"You two look after each other, alright? You're good people. Smart. Kind. You'll get on out there alright, I know it," Arthur said, reaching a hand out and knocking Tilly's chin with the edge of his knuckle like she was his little sister. My smile only widened. 

"Arthur–" Tilly began, but her voice wavered and her eyes looked wet, and she took a moment. A lump formed in my throat immediately. "Thank you for being in my life," she managed. Arthur took a shaky breath and wordlessly pulled her into his chest for a gentle hug. I pressed my lips together and averted my eyes, trying desperately not to cry. 

"You bastards, you're making me wanna cry," Karen bemoaned, and nestled herself against the two to join the hug. She was accepted easily, and Arthur's arm came to wrap around me as well, dragging me in whether I liked it or not. 

"You girls, all'a you; you're all the best people I know. I just want you all to be safe and happy, and I know this situation is messed up and it ain't ended too well, but…" Arthur began, taking a breath before finishing, "it's for the best. I know it."

We all parted after a moment, and Mary-Beth and Kieran joined us. 

"You're all saying your goodbyes?" Mary-Beth tentatively asked with a small smile. "We're heading out too, wanna go before…"

"Before Dutch comes back?" Karen asked. She nodded.

"Seems we all have the same idea," I breathed. 

"I love each and every one of you, remember that," Mary-Beth told us, "I will always think of you, and I hope somehow we can keep in touch."

Arthur glanced at me considerately for a moment. "Send all your letters to Miss Jemima Jones in… in Manzanita Post. We'll check there if ever we pass through. We'll find each other some way or another, we ain't ever lost each other before."

“That’s right… I… I feel a little better leaving knowing that you’re all leaving too. Last few weeks ain’t been easy– well, they’ve been just awful. And after what happened today, I just can't see this thing lasting any longer," Mary-Beth said quietly, "everyone's just so divided."

"Micah was gonna shoot you!" Tilly exclaimed, nodding along with Mary Beth and turning her wide, doll-like eyes to me. "Right there in front of everyone! Even Jack was there," she sighed, shaking her head. 

"Well it turned out to be his last mistake, didn't it? The fool," I said, almost a little too mournfully. I wasn't sad that Micah was dying. I was sad that things had turned out in such a way. So full of poison and betrayal and heartache. It tore the gang apart. 

"Good riddance," Karen scoffed. 

"I can't say the same thing for you folk," Mary-Beth said sadly, then took my hand and then Tilly's in hers. "I really am gonna miss you girls. And boys," she turned her smile to Arthur and he nodded a little bashfully.

"Kieran, you better look after this lady, treat her right," Arthur said sternly to the man who had been standing sheepishly and silently behind his sweetheart. 

"Oh, I– I will, sir, I'll do my utmost," Kieran nodded firmly, squaring his shoulders and standing up straight. Mary-Beth broke into a fit of giggles and playfully smacked the back of her hand against his chest.

"Mr. Morgan, I did not realise you were my father!" She exclaimed. I snorted and grinned up at Arthur who shook his head fondly and smiled, but otherwise said nothing. "Anyway, we best get going." 

"Said all your goodbyes?" I asked.

Mary-Beth nodded, "I have. I tried not to linger too long 'cause otherwise I'll start crying and I'll never leave," she chuckled.

"Yeah, I understand," I smiled and squeezed her hand. She took a breath, glanced at Kieran, then back at us. 

"Well then. Until we meet again, whenever, wherever that may be," she breathed. 

"The very best of luck to you," I said.

"Take care," Arthur nodded. 

"Thanks for everything," Kieran blurted out, "this all changed my life and I– I'm real grateful."

"Grateful? We had you tied to a tree, boy!" Arthur bellowed and clapped him on the shoulder. "Get out of here, enjoy your life. Stay out of trouble. Lord knows you ain't cut out to be an outlaw anyways."

"Yes sir," he nodded and took Mary-Beth's hand, and they each gave us one last smile.

And with that, Mary-Beth and Kieran skedaddled, and disappeared on the little wagon they'd claimed for themselves.

Not long after that, Karen and Tilly left too. They said the rest of their goodbyes and left on horseback quietly and discreetly with only a few tears from Karen, surprisingly. Tilly held it together well and comforted her, but I could see that she was struggling to hold back emotion of her own. The camp looked so barren with just Javier, Bill and Strauss still hanging around, and Micah still in the tent. 

Our little group was all ready to leave and after a lot of last minute hesitation, soon we couldn't put off the inevitable any longer. It was time to go. 

Jack, Abigail, and John boarded one wagon, while Susan, Arthur and I boarded the other. Lenny, Charles and Sadie mounted up on their horses and we stood motionless in the middle of camp, each holding our breaths as we waited for someone to make the first move. 

"Are you ready, sweetheart?" Arthur turned to me, his hands tight on the reins. I met his eyes, stared into the beautiful blue ocean that was his irises, and took a shaky breath. 

"I am, if you are," I nodded. 

"If you're with me, I'm ready for anything," he whispered, then snapped the reins. The horses got moving and the wheels turned, and I only looked back once at the sparse remains of the gang that once welcomed me with a blanket and kindness and songs sung around a campfire. At the people whose hearts were once full of warmth and hope now turned to icy stubbornness, a refusal to let go of what once was. 

Truth be told, I couldn't blame a single one of them, for I knew that part of me would never let go of it either, not fully. 

And as Micah Bell took his final breath lying upon the bed inside Dutch's tent, with the man he'd turned so sour against his own family still nowhere to be found; I could only hope that those that I once regarded as family of my own would see the light and find happiness in a world where they were more than just pieces of a weapon.

[honyakuninakunaru]

Beware at the Northern Forest // Mithra SSR Card Story

CHAPTER 1

(Northern mountains)

Akira: "No matter where I look, the entirety of the Northern Country is covered in snow."

Cain: "Yeah, the view's stunning. This is still the North though - we don't know what dangers could be awaiting us."

Akira: "... You're right. Moreover, the effects of the Great Calamity are still lingering..."

Mithra: "....."

Akira: "Ah, where are you going, Mithra?"

(Si—nk)

Akira: "Whoa! W-why's half of my body so cold all of a sudden... Ah... (I've completely sunk in the snow, and I can't move at all...)"

Cain: "Akira! Are you okay? Grab onto me!"

Akira: "Hnng... I can't even get my arm out..."

Cain: "Got it. I'm going to pull you, so bear with it a little... So far so good, just a bit more..."

Akira: "...Mph...! S-sweet freedom...! Goodness... I-I thought... I was going to die..."

Mithra: "What is this game you two are playing?"

Akira: "We weren't pla...play...Achoo!"

Cain: "Oh, God... Seems like the snow completely soaked through your clothes, huh?"

Mithra: <Arthim>

Akira: "...Ah... So warm... (My clothes are dried too...!) Mithra, you..."

Mithra: "....."

Akira: "Aaand he's gone..."

Cain: "Haha, free-spirited as always, isn't he."

Akira: "Thank you for helping me too, Cain."

Cain: "Don't mention it, I'm just glad you're alright. It's pure white everywhere, so you can't really tell where the deep parts are. Let's be careful, yeah?"

Akira: "Yep, I'll watch out from now on. I should thank Mithra too... Speaking of, he's already quite far ahead... Everyone else is scattered around, too."

Cain: "I've never seen those guys move so huddled up. Oh well, we should be going back sooner or later..."

Akira: ("Just when I thought the gap between the Northern and Central wizards had shortened at least a bit...")

Akira: "For now, I'll go find Mithra and thank him."

Cain: "You're very kind, Akira. I'll go with you too, then. It's dangerous to walk alone in this country, after all."

Akira: "Ah, Mithra! Wait up!"

Mithra: "What is it?"

Akira: "Thank you for drying my clothes earlier. It didn't even cross my mind that I'd fall into the snow like that."

Mithra: "I assume you're free, then?"

Akira: "Huh?"

Mithra: "Well, I'm free myself, so I guess I'll go on a walk."

Cain: "Do you mind if we tag along too?"

Akira: "Eh, Cain?"

Cain: "While we're at it, we should check if anything unusual has happened. And if something has happened, we ought to deal with it."

Akira: "Hm, we do have some time to spare, so we might as well!"

Cain: "Don't worry, Master Sage, I'll protect you no matter what. You don't mind us being around, right, Mithra?"

Mithra: "...Do as you please. I'm going to do so myself."

CHAPTER 2

Mithra: "....."

Akira: ("The distance... Rather than walking together, it's more like we're following Mithra around.")

Akira: "He really likes doing things on his own, doesn't he?"

Cain: "Seems like it. Still, this might be a good way to melt the ice, dontcha think?"

Akira: "Is that why you wanted us to go with him?"

Cain: "Yeah,  cuz I don't get to talk to him at the manor at all. Hey, Mithra!"

Mithra: "...What is it now? Please don't shout all of a sudden."

Cain: "Cmon, don't be like that! It's been a while since you've been in the North, yeah? How's it feel to be back home?"

Mithra: "It's as quiet as it's always been, and there are no people or animals."

Cain: "I see. No place like home, am I right?"

Akira: ("He's trying to find a topic to discuss but I can't tell if it's working out or not...")

Cain: "Why don't you come and visit my hometown next time? The name City of Glory rings a bell, right?"

Mithra: "I'll have to pass. You can just bring your boisterous comrades along, can't you?"

Cain: "I'm inviting you because we are comrades, from the manor and all. We should all go together. I'll invite Oz and the rest, too."

Mithra: "A name that makes me angry no matter the occasion..."

Akira: ("I mean... The conversation's going somewhere...? Is this how you become closer with someone?")

Cain: "Hm? You two, wait here for a bit."

Akira: "What's up?"

Cain: "...Something's coming."

Akira: "What do you mean..."

Mithra: "....."

Akira: ("He's right, something's coming from within the forest...")

???: "Groooar!"

Akira: "Ah...! A huge mass of snow... Or is it!? There are hands and legs growing out of it!?"

Cain: "Roomies? What's got these guys so mad?"

Akira: "I don't know what's going on, but they look super angry!"

Cain: "Weird... The members of this tribe are big and brawny, but they are calm in nature... Has the Calamity affected this place, too?"

Roomies: "Grooa..."

Akira: "T-they lifted a huge rock...! D-don't tell me...!"

Mithra: "Goodness, how annoying."

Cain: "This is bad...! Mithra!"

Roomies: "Grooar!"

Akira: "Mithra! Watch out!"

CHAPTER 3

Roomies: "Grooar!"

Akira: ("They're aiming it at Mithra...!")

Cain: "...Mithra, get down!"

Akira: "Cain!"

(Clang)

Cain: "M..made it in time."

Akira: ("H-he cut through the rock with his sword...")

Mithra: "...What are you doing."

Cain: "Haha, glad to see you're alright. You aren't injured anywhere, right?"

Roomies: "Groooar!"

Cain: "They don't look too pleased to know it didn't hit us, huh."

(Thump)

Cain: "...Hng!"

Akira: "Cain!"

Akira: ("Incredible... He's keeping up with Roomies, who are three times bigger than him, with just his sword... But he won't last long...!")

Cain: "Shit... This is my first time facing such strong roomies. Leave this to me, Mithra, you take the Sage somewhe─"

Mithra: <Arthim>

Cain: "Wha─!"

Akira: "Whoa!? H-he downed them with a single blow!?"

Mithra: "There's no way I could ever lose to such small fries."

Akira: "S-small fries..."

Cain: "Haha, as expected. You really saved me there."

Mithra: "...Why did you do that?"

Cain: "Did what?"

Mithra: "Why did you stand in front of me back then? You're way weaker than me, you know?"

Cain: "My body moved on its own before I could notice. I do know you're stronger than me, though."

Mithra: "I see."

Cain: "So long as we have you, we're not gonna have any problems if we run into other beasts!"

Mithra: "...It's going to be quite troublesome if you died because of your recklessness, so please stay by my side and behave."

Cain: "Yep, counting on ya!"

Akira: ("I don't really get it, but they've somehow become closer, haven't they?")

Mithra: "....."

Akira: ("Even Mithra's usual expression is tinted with the slightest hint of softness... Oh well, as long as everyone's getting along─")

(Si—nk)

Akira: "Whoop─!"

Cain: "Akira!?"

Mithra: "You like falling into snow piles, don't you, Master Sage?"

Akira: "Not in the slightest... I did it again, sorry..."

Mithra: "Ahaha. You don't have a care in the world, huh. Come on, grab onto my hand, quickly. Otherwise, you're going to freeze to death, and that's going to be troublesome."

Huge thanks to @/mahoyaku on Twitter for providing raws for yet another story!

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

Helplessly Hoping (Favored Ones, Part 19.)

Series description: Many things were surely fucked up in the year 2038, but no-one ever told anyone how all of it went down. What happened before a group of people left for Seattle to handle personal matters? Why did one girl refuse to leave all of it be? And why there were so many dead in the end?

Quote for the chapter: “And you consider yourself the saviour of the human race?” - Shawn James

Part summary: Just as Ellie demanded, there was the whole meeting about the fucking Baldwin cottage situation happening. And the results of it were more or less concerning.

A/N: I’ve tried to use as many in-game/trailer/promotional dialogue as I could, altering it to suit the story, and I’ve spent at least an hour alone on those dialogues (finding them in the first place, then re-writing it, altering it, etc.). Hope you’ll enjoy. (OPEN TAGS FOR FUNNY HAHA JOKE)

Warnings: Tommy is the purest of heart and the dumbest of ass, Jesse’s ass, and angry fucking Maria. Mentions of Abby, WLFs, torture and gore, anxiety. PROBABLY A LOAD OF TYPOS Y’ALL.

Word count: 7.3K

Tagging:   @nemodoren @xxgoldenhour @missdictatorme​​ @peakymarvels​​ @davnwillcome​ @pickleriiick​ @jodiereedus22​ @gladiosamicitias​ @tamkashi​ @eternallyvenus​ @avengerssstuff​ @fangirl-inthe-us​ @avery-miller​ @mikah-writes​ @mad-hatter-98​ @sadiaafrin99​ @flavorishy​ @mr-robot-x​ @

Series master list: H E R E

Joel Miller’s playlist for the bonfire occasions: H E R E

Youtube playlists: JACKSON DAYS | SEATTLE DAYS

Early spring of 2038, two days before departure to Seattle:

Learning how to walk on your legs again was kinda funny, especially when you had Joel and Ellie around most of the time. As suspected, Joel calmed down about the unnecessary fight rather quickly, focusing on more oppressing matters at that moment, inviting Ellie to look after you when he was gone and the other way around. You were still noticeably climbing, but soon, you could walk to downtown on your own and you didn't even have to beg Joel to stop for a sec to catch your breath.

Ellie, no matter how hard she tried to ignore it, was still intrigued by the fact that you and Joel are now an official couple, but that didn't mean she had got the right to tell someone what to do. And she didn't even want to... It was just... Bothering her at some times. But as long as you were looking healthy and happy with the old man, she could still get over the whole situation somehow. The bad blood between you and Dina lasted for a few days until you played a card game for spending the evening with Ellie, which you one singlehandedly, yet you showed your character and told Dina she can keep your best friend for the night.

Life almost seemed to be going back to normal... Except it wasn't going anywhere. The only people who knew about it was you, Joel, Maria, and Tommy. You didn't want to tell Ellie and you hoped that your whole mental situation will be over before you and she have some girly plans. On many occasions, you've woken up in the middle of the night, straightaway paralyzed. A single muscle on your body couldn't move and all you saw was the woman looking down on you, asking the question over and over again - where is Joel Miller? Do you know him?

And anything you've tried wasn't helping you. Pills that should give you a sleepless night? You woke up in the middle of the night, panting and disoriented. Herbal teas? Made you sick. Joel hammering you to the bed before going to sleep? You've been staring at the ceiling as the man slept with his head on your naked chest. Joel and Ellie singing you a duet while you and Dina sat on the couch, watching these two arguing about every single detail? No, that didn't help either.

You didn't know if Abby wanted to trap you inside your head, but she accomplished the mission perfectly. You could work throughout the day, as long as the job didn't need a lot of walking around, you were still the same you. But as soon as no-one was looking at you, panic and anxiety got a hold on you. One time, you were even helping in the kitchen and you were joking around with the cooks - and suddenly, your gaze fell on one of the knives. Suddenly, you couldn't hear anything but cutting vegetables, and each of these sounds reminded you of the woman. The scar on your thigh started to burn as you suddenly sat in the corner, rocking yourself to keep calm.

There was still the old you inside of that head, but it wasn't quite the same person at all. You've been a former Firefly, yet you weren't on a single mission. You killed a human person before - just to protect the man you loved. What Abby has done to you was barbarism, brutality, and vileness. And that was bringing up the conflict inside of you around which you kinda could get your head wrapped around.

No-one knew what happened in the cottage yet, because you and Tommy wanted to think about the incident on your own first. And so you did - but it was tearing you up in halves. On one hand, you didn't care for that party of shitheads at all, you didn't want to see them again. You were just glad they had left, at least seemingly, and that they aren't a threat for you or Joel anymore.

On the other hand, you had the feeling that no matter who it was, they'll be back. They were searching after Joel and they didn't find the man the first time. Who was granting you that they won't come back for round two? This time killing you for good? Just slicing your throat for the fun of it? Another question was popping on your head rather frequently. Would Abby kill you straightaway if she'd figure out you're sleeping with Joel? Just for the fun of causing pain? Just to leave a message?

All you did was consider yourself lucky - if they wouldn't come when they did, you and Tommy would've laid there dead for hours, maybe days. But the luck was supposed to run out one day, right? It was just comforting you that it didn't run out on that March day. Normally, you weren't of these who would've sought revenge. You would just go on with your life, no matter how hard that would turn out to be. But Joel... When it came to Joel, the way you took the issues had changed. You wanted and needed to know he's safe. And until Abby and her friends were searching for the man, he wasn't safe.

I ain’t a good man at all, you know? You may be thinkin’ I am, but trust me, I ain’t. You could hear Joel repeating that sentence over and over again. I’ve done some terrible things and if you’d hear them, you’d most likely get up and never come back again. I was survivin’ for a damn long time. I’ve seen my friends end up dead. I’ve hurt many people. I’ve done stuff only the worst people do, you hear me? And Abby was just of the many people he’d done wrong or dirty in the past. The result of shit Joel had done.

But you hadn't got the feeling that Joel knew Abby personally. She was young, maybe at your age, just a few years older. Maybe exactly your age, it was hard to tell. But... If Abby had known Joel personally, she'd recognize Tommy. These men bared an undeniable likeness. So Joel wouldn't know who was she even if you'd ask him. The only thing you and Tommy took as a clue was the appliques on their jackets - WLF. Washington Liberation Front. They were soldiers just as you thought so. And came all the way from Seattle. To look for Joel. Which made you everything but calm. You asked Tommy about how Joel could've come to contact with such people... And Tommy didn't have a clue.

Which only put Joel's words in perspective. You didn't know a whole lot about your man and there wasn't any certainty that you'd ever get to know these things about him. What could Joel had possibly do tying up back to WLF? Smuggle guns, bomb, supplies? Kill someone for them..? Or one of them? Joel was a man of many faces and a harsh past, which you kinda knew ever since you got to know Ellie better. But it was things like these that put everything to context.

When you both agreed it's time to tell the rest, you've gathered only the closest people to discuss what to do now. Ellie and Dina's standpoints were set completely straight, they knew exactly what to do. Joel, Tommy, Jesse, and Maria were on the neutral to calm side of the spectrum. Diego was forbidden to come and you were somewhere between going after Abby and staying put. It was all to be settled down on that evening.

"So, we all know why were here." - You started, sitting at the head of the table next to Tommy. You two somehow got out of the situation WLFs put you in, but it was sure that you're not the same way you've been before - while you were only visibly limbing and some of the leg movements made you uneasy, you were fucked up mentally. Just as Tommy was perfectly healthy mentally, he told you he lived through worse things as a Firefly, his knee was poorly working as it should. Sure, he was walking, but there was no certainty that he can lead other patrols with his current physical state. - "And we decided that it will be better from my point of view because I heard a few things Tommy didn't." - You looked at the man, who nodded to assure you. - "Shall we?"

You've started since the very morning of the eighth of March - why did you even go to the patrol in the first place, how did the horde cleansing progress, up to the point where you first met her. When you mentioned her, tears appeared in your eyes again as you looked away from all the people to calm down. - "Give her a minute, it's just too much." - Tommy said to the rest as he walked to you with his cane in his hand, hugging your shoulder as he looked out of the window beside you. He shouldn't be walking at all, but because his knee wasn't drastically broken, he persuaded Bobby to give him just a brace and a cane. Either way, it was more than a month since the whole cottage thing, you both had got better. And sure, no-one was pressuring you to talk. You had the whole night if you needed to.

For you, it was a terrifying experience to go through all of this... Again. Mentally. It wasn't good for you to go back to the day in such details, but it needed to be done. Yet with every syllable, Abby's eyes got clearer and clearer inside of your head, watching you, judging you, laughing at you. The moment when she lifted you off the ground like a piece of shit, it was all there suddenly. Your throat clenched for a second while you re-lived through the memory, making your gasp for air and gently smooth the veins there. Tommy smoothed your shoulder carefully, looking at the profile of your face.

"Feelin' good now, kiddo?" - Tommy asked when you blinked twice to get yourself out of the moment. With a long sigh, you nodded and walked back to the table to continue with the story.

"There was a blizzard out there, you could barely see three feet in front of you. So the woman, named Abby, offered us to show us the way to a nearby cabin where she and her friends were taking refuge at the time. Naturally, we agreed to this offer because we would most likely get lost in the snow and freeze to death somewhere. Abby's friends saved us from a small portion of the horse, and they took us inside." -  You looked directly at Joel for a minute, trying to find comfort inside his face, finding concern only. That wasn't a good sign. - "When I stepped inside, I immediately noticed that there's something wrong with the people. I've seen a lot of groups passing through Jackson to get some sleep, gather supplies, food, water... But these didn't look anything like it. The clothes, moves, each of them looked strong. There was this lady who approached me and asked me if I'm feeling okay. To which I replied, that I am feeling alright.

I tried to signal Tommy that I don't feel safe inside that house, but he was talking to this Hispanic man, I didn't quite catch his name. So I played along and followed Abby deeper into the house. There, I met... Oscar? Omar? Oliver...? Owen. This man was Owen. And he was furious and they started to argue. For a reason, everyone started to gather in the room to look at us, and I could tell straight away that something was going downhill. Tommy was chatting with them and suddenly, Abby turned to me and asked me this question. I can hear the voice asking it every fucking night, again, again, and again. It haunts me." - A shaky breath left your lips as you jolted in discomfort. Tommy already knew what was coming, so he just stared at his hands entwined on the table.

"Do you know a man named Joel Miller by any chance?" - You repeated, hearing Abby asking you the question, staring down on you. You've been feeling everything you felt when Abby was just one foot away from you. The nerves, dry mouth, and the desperate need to keep yourself under control. And this time, it even felt harder than before, because you knew what comes next.

"To which I replied that I don't know any man by that name. But I fucked up, it is how it is. And I swear to you that this... Woman... Put her arm around my neck, picked me off the ground, and choked me. And all she said was 'Hey, we don’t wanna kill you. But we will.' And she tried to do just that. Before you guys came in." - A shiver ran down your spine as the picture of the woman kneeling beside you popped up inside your head. Owen holding the chair as Abby had beaten you up, helping her with the nails. Your hands were looking disgusting. Sure, it was way better and most of the nails started to grow back, but the ones on your pinkies and ring finger were gone.  

"What are we waiting for?" - Ellie asked suddenly, having every stare turned at her and Dina. She was visibly shaken - not only did they fucked you up like two dogs, but they were after Joel as well. - "Washington Liberation Front. We know where that is, don't we?" - The girl asked fiercely, but Maria pointed her palm at the girl, stopping her from hyping a super-dangerous plan which would only get everyone killed.

"Joel, when did you work for the WLF?" - Maria furrowed, looking at her brother-in-law. - "I thought you were smuggling for the Fireflies and other people back in Boston, but you never mentioned running the business in Seattle... Or in this area generally." - The woman asked silently, and each of you looked at Joel. But the man was out of his mind as well - it was his fault, just as he thought so. The past always found its way to him, didn't it?

"I've never worked in Seattle. I don't know any WLFs, never met 'em." - Joel answered shortly, looking down on his palms

"It doesn't matter. I don't care who the fuckers are, what did they want of what they need from the old man here. They've been trying to get one of us, what if they show up again?" - Ellie jumped straight to the chase again, this time standing up. - "They most likely know where we live, it doesn't take a genius to figure out the patrol trails, and they've been here once, what thing on Earth is holding them from getting into the area again? Huh? And what if they kill us all? What if they bring more people back? Huh?" - She looked at everyone with a hint of disgust in her face. This time, Tommy was the one to take a calm approach.

"Kiddo, sit down, will ya? We have no idea what we're walkin' into. You don't know anythin' about them. We don't know how large that group is, how armed they are," - "What are you doing?" - Ellie snapped back. The girl was walking on mighty thin ice, as Joel would say, but you got what she's after. These people were nothing but a threat to Jackson - and more importantly to Joel. You couldn't simply leave that be, hoping they won't come back. But you didn't say anything out loud, you just sat there and looked into the table desk, minding your own business.

"I don't care. Joel told me that this isn't my decision to make. Guess what, Tommy. It is from now on. These people tried to harm my family. I think you got the best idea about what kind of people they are. And I'm going no matter how you decide. You can't stop this. You can't stop me." - The girl walked out of the room, leaving you all there. Dina looked at Maria, who was already scheming a plan.

"This is suicide. No-one ain't is going after them. I don't care, I... I will put my men around her house to keep an eye on her..." - Maria was whispering frantically, trying to figure out what to do to keep the girl down. Joel exhaled loudly and took one look at you, closing his eyes in pain. He knew that empty look you were giving the piece of furniture. Whenever Ellie was about to take off, you will follow her for a few various reasons - you didn't want to get herself killed. And you didn't want to see Joel get hurt. And deep down inside, there was another reason which was the most understandable - you wanted to hurt back the people who hurt you. It could be barely seen that you're trembling, thinking about what you'll do. The world seemed to be so empty suddenly.

There was no other choice - you were going to Seattle.

"If she decides to go, Maria, no patrols are going to stop Ellie. The question is who will come with her." - Jesse told everyone quietly. With that, Joel had the last spark of home inside of him - maybe you won't be so stupid to agree with Ellie's short-fire plan. Yet when you closed your eyes, having a small wrinkle on your forehead, he knew that you're not the case.

Shortly after, everyone got home. And it felt off-putting to watch Joel's house, knowing you'll leave as soon as Ellie decides to go. You and Dina agreed about exchanging the intel the other day, once she and Ellie come up with some plan.

The house was looking way better than ever before. Up to that point, you never realized it has a perfect location in a good neighborhood. Especially, when Joel didn't have many neighbors. All you could see was the best ways to sneak to his door, and when you left that out, you only knew the inside of the house. And as the spring was slowly coming back, the flowers, bushes, and trees started to finally blossom after the long winter. Birds were singing the whole time you were walking to the porch, the warm wing was smoothing your skin and messing with your hair. How comes that you've never noticed the golden film of the sunlight? Or the innocent white of the evening clouds?

"You 'kay back there?" - Joel asked you from opening the door. You were leaning into the railing, watching the surroundings. After a small while of watching the man, you gave him a vulnerable smile and nodded. For a minute, Joel still stood there and waited for you to come in, but you didn't move an inch. You turned your head back to look at the neighborhood and the mountains in the landscape. That was when he walked next to you, leaning into the wood as well. - "What's goin' inside that head of yours, huh?" - He whispered, slowly pulling closer until your shoulders bumped into each other.

"Never noticed how beautiful Jackson can be - until now, cowboy." - An honest whisper left your lips. Joel didn't like your expression at all - there was this sadness and melancholy inside of it and Joel would bet everything that he knew exactly what was going on inside your head.

"Girl, if you're thinkin' about the Abby kiddo, stop it. For both my and yours sake. This kind of thoughts won't bring any good, you hear me?" - The man whispered and lowered his head enough to kiss the top of your shoulder. - "What happens at Baldwin, that stays at Baldwin. I don't want you to see you get near the stables, weaponry, you won't be sneakin' out at midnight, we clear?" - Joel asked, having you snickering at his statement and the whole topic. You knew you're about to pull that stunt. And he knew it as well. But it felt cute that he's putting so much care into this whole thing.

"I told you that I'm not thinking about the Baldwin cottage thing. I'm not. I'm just looking at nature, taking in the sights, you know?" - You smiled, trying to look at least a bit happy for Joel. The man looked into your eyes for a moment with an unnatural expression. But in the end, he nodded and looked away from you. Both of you knew that you're lying, but neither of you wanted to talk about the lie more closely. - "I was thinking about playing some gee-tar. What about you bringing me that instrument and making me a cup of coffee before we go to sleep, Joel?" - You asked after a moment, having the man realizing how vulnerable you were at the moment. He could just call you out about the bullshit. Yet he didn't. Joel just smoothed your back with his palm, pulling you a bit closer.

"You don't drink coffee. Didn't the coma messed with your brain, baby girl?" - The man asked but slowly walked to the door. You just sighed, reminding him of sugar. He brought everything anyway - both the guitars, both the mugs with the coffee and some fruits you could both snack on. The first songs you've played were shaky and off the rhythm, your voice wasn't the best either, which had you cringe a lot.

The man was calming you down, reminding you to have patience and not to jump into things too quickly. The best moment of the night was when you played A-Ha together, Joel playing the instrument while you curled up in the rocking chair, which he brought for you from the cabin in the woods, and sang. When the conversation you two had slowly faded away, you caught yourself falling asleep as Joel was playing with his guitar, playing parts of various songs you didn't even know. He had woken you up an hour or so after, making sure you won't be too bitten by mosquitos.

The following day, the signal you were waiting for came - Dina ran to you while you were helping in the kitchen and the diner. She told you, very hastily, that you will take off the following day, two hours after midnight, and that you'll have a meeting point at the south breach. Jesse, who was authorized to spy on both you and Dina, along with Ellie and Joel, had to see it because of course, he had. It was quite logical when you had a shift in the kitchen at the same time.

"What are you two whispering about, birdies?" - The boy leaned between your heads. If you had to be honest, he was looking good with the apron and a crooked smile on his lips as he held the bowl with the yeast dough. After a smile while of looking at him, you gave him your typical chuckle, getting back to the vegetables in front of you.

"About your ass." - You answered innocently. At that, Dina joined you, leaned her ass into the counted next to your workplace. Her eyes looked at her ex-boyfriend's ass shamelessly. After a moment, her agreeing hum sounded next to your ear as both you and Jesse snickered. - "I mean, Y/N's not wrong. Maybe you'll finally have your luck with Bobby now you're single?" - Dina asked, offering you a hand to do a high five. The boy looked at you with an offense in his grinning face, running his tongue along the line of his teeth.

"All I said is that the lady has a nice bottom. It was at the Christmas party, there was a lot of eggnogs and I was drunk. Don't ever bring that up again. Deal?" - Jesse pointed the wooden spoon at the two of you. Dina and you behaved childishly quite often, but it was never too inappropriate or annoying. You know where to put the stop to the whole playing-around thing.

"I certainly can't promise that, Jesse." - "Me neither" - You both shook your heads and you started to cut the tomatoes again. You already cleaned and cut more than one big bag of them and there was still a lot remaining. And trust me, you were a lot in the kitchen since you got back from the Baldwin place. It was occurring because of two main reasons - Maria wanted to have you under control and you still weren't sure about somehow getting through the whole patrol process.

"I would miss this... If you'd were going to Seattle." - Jesse whispered, looking into the dough in front of him. Dina flashed her eyes at you and licked her lips swiftly. Jesse had to know that you were up to something and he even had to know what was that something. - "Thank God you're not that dumb." - Jesse gave you a shining smile over the shoulder, leaning back to the dough.

"Yeah, exactly. Thank God we aren't." - You repeated and watched Dina leaving as she pointed two fingers up to signal you the time you, her, and Ellie will meet up. Neither of you planned on sleeping that night - you decided to sneak out, walk at least five miles from Jackson, find a cover and sleep there. So it was special for you when you and Joel were getting into bed. Neither of you felt like sex, so you just told each other about your days as you laid down, preparing for some sleep. Just like the first time, he'll wake up and he'll be alone. That was almost poetic.

It was a repeating cycle - but this time, Joel won't find you wandering around the city. Sure, the man got a little suspicious when you didn't want to cuddle closer and you just laid there facing each other. While the man was already drifting off, or so you suspected, you were just laying there and memorized every inch of his face. The gray, maybe-too-long but still maintained haircut and trimmed beard, a bit crooked nose with a small scar in the middle, deep wrinkles on his forehead and two leading down from his cheeks - these were visible especially when he spoke or smiled at you. Your hand was itching to feel the nicely-shaped lips, slowly caressing away down to his throat to feel the rough skin with fading suntan. But you just laid there with tears in your eyes, fighting an urge to cry.

He was beautiful. He was. And you were leaving him just to make sure he was safe. What a fucking irony.

To your surprise, you had fallen asleep. When you woke up, you've just opened up your eyes and looked around, Joel wasn't in the bed. First, you thought you're late and that he maybe knew what you were planning on doing, but you exhaled slowly when you heard the water in the bathtub moving around. He was probably taking one of his late-night baths. He had tendencies to do that when he was sleeping poorly or when he had woken up in the middle of the night. But it urged you to act quickly.

You pulled a backpack from under the bed, checking that there are your gun and the knife. Quickly, you threw some sweatshirt and a few t-shirts to change on your journey, put some warm clothes on and sneaked downstairs to put the boots on. You were moving around swiftly and quietly to make sure Joel won't be suspicious - he had to hear you walking around the place, but there wasn't a single word coming from the bathroom, so you supposed you're safe.

Slowly, you took in a long breath as you palmed the doorknob, closing your eyes. - "Lord, please grant me your mercy and take care of Joel when I'm gone. And make sure hell forgive me over the time, deal?" - You prayed. You never went to the church and you, neither Fireflies nor your parents weren't religious people. You didn't know how prayers worked, what to say, or how to concept it. But it felt good to say something to the entity up there. And if there wasn't anything, you just felt good about saying it out loud.

Shit almost hit your pants when the dining room lit up suddenly and Joel leaned his shoulder to the doorframe. He didn't even have to say a word and you already knew he's pissed. He was clothed, just after a bath and his furrow, dear Lord, that was some nightmare fuel.

"You goin' somewhere?" - The man asked quietly, crossing his forearms on his chest. Slowly, your hand let the doorknob go. A quick cuss left your lips when you smoothed your wet hands on your thighs, taking in a deep breath. Jesus, you never felt so bad. You were busted, like five-year-old stealing candy from the cookie box. - "Joel..." - You put one of your palms up, trying to calm him down before he'd let the thunder fell on you.

"I asked you 'bout lettin' the whole Baldwin thing go and you looked me in my damned eyes and said 'yea'. Did you think that you're so unobtrusive, actin' like you hadn't an idea that I know what's up? You think you're so clever, huh? Jesse told me 'bout the small date you and Dina had in the kitchen." - Joel walked to you slowly and you could tell that you're just fucked up. There was no other way to put it. Joel busted your ass and probably, he told Maria, so you weren't going anywhere.

"Don't try to stop me, Joel. If you stop me now, I'll just sneak out later. All it would do would be setting Dina and Ellie alone, and if there'd be just the two of them..." - You started to talk frantically, but Joel's palms on your shoulders made you stop. He was looking you in the face with a slight furrow. When you wanted to wiggle out, his palm caught your cheek and the man made you look up at him.

"I am not stoppin' you. I told you, baby girl, that if you'd like to go after 'em, we will go after 'em together. I am disappointed and we'll need to talk about that later, but I won't be stoppin' you, nor Dina, nor Ellie. I just don't wanna lose you, 'kay?" - The man breathed out as the oxygen in his throat hitched. You put both your palms on his chest, looking him in the face. Your tongue tried to tell all the words you wanted to tell him, all the syllables you had inside your head, but nothing came out of your mouth.

Was there any sense in trying to talk Joel down from coming with you? The man had his head and he was stubborn, so you wouldn't stop him for shit. This was dangerous for him. Joel wasn't the youngest, his reflexes weren't that good either, and... Anything could go wrong. He could die. He could die for real. Slowly, you licked your lips, hugging the man. Sure, it will weird Ellie out to have Joel coming with you on another adventure. But... More eyes see more, more brains know more and more hands could do more, right? Ellie will find her way around it, you were sure of that.

"Took my revolver and the ammo I've had hidden for it with me. You're taking your bow and quiver, right?" - He whispered to your ear. Oh. OH. The bow and arrows. You would've forgotten it at home if Joel didn't bring it up. Because of the pressure around.

With a smile, you walked to the cabinet you kept your toys in, taking them out. - "You're secretly hoarding ammo without telling Maria about it? Where are the days when your ass didn't take any ammo with it on patrols?" - A question rang throughout the silent house, having Joel chuckle in response. - "You're the most paranoid person I know, Miller. But I love for that, God knows I do." - You walked back, putting the weapon on the table as you wrapped your hands your the nape of his neck. - "I love..." - Joel answered, but he was interrupted by the noises coming from the outside.

The subtle romantic moment was ruined by something going on on the street. Quickly, you walked to the window to look out of it - and your eyes widened horrifiedly when you saw Maria stomping right to your door, leading Dina and Ellie behind her. Fuck, she must've caught them earlier. And she looked so pissed that you felt your stomach tighten.

"Did Jesse told Maria about this?" - You asked Joel, quickly hiding your and his backpack, putting the arrows and the bow down from the table. It was weird enough to find you both dressed up for a stroll at two a.m., but when Ellie and Dina were busted already, you were busted too.

"No, the boy didn't tell her. He just wanted me to know 'cause he was worried you're gonna get yourself killed, that's what he told me." - Joel shook his head, already watching his sister-in-law stomping on the porch, knocking on the door. Well... Maria didn't knock. She almost broke the door in halves.

For a moment, Joel looked at you to see if you're calm enough and then, he finally opened up, a crooked smile playing on his lips. Ellie's eyes shot wide open when she saw him all ready as well, but there wasn't space for her to speak, so she just sent you a nod. And Dina? She looked the worst, like a small kid who waited for a slap. - "Hey. Wouldn't expect you here so late, Maria, howdy," - Your man started charmingly, bit the blonde woman just pushed him out of the doorframe, walking straight to the dining table.

"What happened?" - You whispered to Ellie. Before the girl answered, she licked her lips and shook her head, giving you a clear idea. She didn't know. But before she opened up her mouth, Maria pointed her finger into the wooden desk of the table.

"Sit down, all four of you. And don't test my patience." - She ordered quietly, but her voice hinted on how infuriated she was. The situation was wickedly hilarious - Joel, a man in his early fifties, you, and two girls around their twenties were getting bitched down like a band of kindergartners. And by the looks of it, Maria wasn't slowing down.

"Maria, I've headed to Seattle, I wish I could let it all go, but I can't. I have to bring these people to justice." - She started to read from a piece of paper in her palm, looking at you and Ellie specifically. - "Ellie was right. I can't let them get away with the stuff they've done to the poor girl and with the stuff they planned on doing. I just can't. What if they'd come back, attacking at us in full force? What's holding them back?" - She read the question mockingly, but let you all know she doesn't want to get an answer on that one. She licked her lips to progress with the letter.

"I know that at least one of the three girls will come after me. Assign patrols checking on their houses in the night, make them busy, take their guns, lock the guns and horses up, maybe lock all of them up?" - Maria was getting more and more infuriated just by reading the text. So Jesse didn't tell on you. Tommy had set to Seattle on his own, holy motherfucking love of Jesus Christ. That was just a dumb idea which sure will get him killed.

"Buy me some time so I can end this on my own terms. Love you always, Tommy." - She finished and leaned her palms into the table. - "Do you realize what this letter means? Any of you? He's gonna get himself killed." - Maria bent the paper in halves, taking in a long breath.

Ellie rolled her eyes and you could see her inflating her cheeks with anger. Each of you was in a different stage of anger at that moment. And Ellie's was most probably the most hot-headed and childish, but she spoke first nonetheless. - "I told you that you can stop this, Maria. We need to finish this. He should've taken us with him. You should've given us a group to go after those fuckers right away!" - The girl whispered recklessly, looking into the desk with tongue running over her front teeth. The blonde woman sighed loudly, rolling her eyes.

At that, Maria laughed cold-heartedly, looking at the girl with anger burning inside her eyes. Whatever was going on inside Maria's head, it was a real fight. Dina turned her head at you when you breathed out, shook your head, and lowered it down. This was your fault. Your fucking fault. Tommy had the feeling that he has to do it for you. The man could barely work and his arm still wasn't good either. This mission wasn't only a suicidal one, it was pure madness. - "Wish I could." - The old woman looked Ellie in the eyes rather daringly, as if she was daring the girl to do something.

"So, now what, Maria? You wanna lock us up inside our houses? Take away our guns? Will you make us... Busy?" - Ellie opposed and finally looked at Maria. This situation was extremely uncomfortable for everyone - while Ellie had full-on one on one argument with Maria, while the three of you, you, Dina and Joel, sat there in dead silence, each of you lost in your thoughts. But you still listened to the topic of the conversation, in case of Maria would try directly verbal-assaulting anyone else. Sure, she was just mad, but if this fight would go off the rails... Some rather nasty things could've been said. Some of which couldn't be taken back.

"Well, when you're asking me so nicely, I'd prefer that you'd both stay," - Maria sighed and looked at you and Ellie sitting next to each other. You two were definitely where this suicidal idea to go to Seattle came from, she was sure of that. You most likely wanted to protect Joel, which as cavalierish as it was crazy, and Ellie wanted to revenge you. At that, Ellie spangled on her feet, having an offended expression in her face. When she pointed her finger at maria, the woman lowered her head. - "That's not gonna fucking happen," - " I'd prefer that you'd both stay, but I know you better." - With that, Ellie shut up in surprise as Maria walked to the other half of the table, now looking at Joel and Dina.

"Are you going with them?" - She rose her eyebrows. The man didn't answer, he just nodded, and Dina let out an offended 'yeah' as if it wasn't obvious.

"What did you planned on doing? Just sneaking outta here? On foot? Huh?" - Maria made herself snicker ironically after hearing another yeah, this time from Ellie. You, you were impossible. Sneaking on foot out of Jackson and traveling to Seattle? In the cold and stormy spring that was coming? Sometimes, you were dumber than Maria thought. Everyone was silent as you watched Maria looking out of the window into the night neighborhood, taking in another deep breath. When she was sure she won't kill any of you on the spot, she turned back to the table, leaning into it and staring into everyone's eyes.

"I told the stable to let you out with Sadie and Shimmer. Grab some ammo too. And some food and sleeping bags." - At that, each of you shut up. And Maria started tearing up, so she closed her eyes for a moment to calm down.

"Thank you, Maria." - Dina whispered with true respect in her voice, watching the lady calming down by walking around Joel's dining room. But then, she looked at you and Ellie with a saddened smile. - "Just, uh, do me a favor and bring my dumbass husband home in one piece, please. And... When you come back from there, we won't be ever talking about it again. No Abby, no WLFs, no golf clubs, no cottage in the mountains. We'll pretend that it never had happened." - Maria sighed. Ellie started nodding as the first one as she went to hug Maria tightly to calm the woman down. Then you went to share the hug with them, having Dina joining in as the last one. Joel sat there and watched you with a sad smile.

"All right then." - Maria stepped aside, looking at the three of you. You were always together when you did something good, something bad or something crazy. And this, to Maria's surprise, checked every box. - "Get going, you're... The way to Seattle is long, even on horseback and you need as much daylight as you can get. And to your information, Jesse didn't tell me you're planning on leaving. It was Diego who heard it." - And with that, Maria walked out of the house with the letter in her hand, shaking hands and teary eyes.

You stood there for a little longer, not knowing how to react. And as usual, Ellie was first to break the awkward silence. - "Holy motherfucking shit. I can't believe it worked out." - She sighed and sat down for a little longer as you and Joel get to preparing your gear again. Dina scoffed ironically, leaning into the back of the chair.

"Not to be the one who's breaking it to you, but everything had fucked up as much as it could and Tommy with his fucked up leg and arm is currently MIA." - Well, that was one way to look at the situation as well.

"Don't worry 'bout him for now. He's a capable guy, I saw a lot of things he has done while he was a Firefly. Trust me, if someone should be worried, it's the fuckers in Seattle." - Joel answered at that statement and zipped his jacket all the way under his chin, controlling the stuff he picked up once again. Your backpacks were full of personal stuff, but once you'd get to the horses, you'll do some space management and it'll be good. - "Since when you're going, old-timer? I don't see this happening." - Ellie licked her lips, watching Joel's face with one of her stubborn gazes.

"Then open up your eyes, kiddo. If she's comin', I'm comin'." - The man looked at you with a smile and you smiled back. Both the girls were uncomfortable for a while, watching the two of you, but after a small while, Ellie nodded and clapped. - "'kay. Fine. Alrite. Maria's right. The earlier we go, the further we get, the sooner we can catch some sleep."

[vikingsarememes]

His True Wife

previous part                         ↭ part  eight   ↭                            next part 

Main Characters: Ivar the boneless, Reader, Bjorn Ironside, Hvitserk Ragnarsson, Ubbe Ragnarsson.

Characters Mentioned: Prince Oleg, Original Characters

Summary: an unexpected reunion that brought a husband back to his wife and a brother to his family, stories are to be told and decisions to be made (I forgot how to write summaries) 

Word Count:   1757

A/N: none

warnings: none

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

You sat across from him, your eyes were focused on him, he changed, changed a lot, his hair was longer, his eyes were filled with tiredness, the blue eyes that were once filled with curiosity, he looked back at you, not saying a word, waiting for you to process.

“Enough! Aren’t you happy to see me? I’ve been to hell and back just so I can come back to you! And I don’t even get a welcome home!” he scoffed, getting irritated by the silence “you left! You left me in the middle of the night and didn’t look back! I begged you to stay! You promised you’ll never hurt me but you fucking did!” you reminded him, he looked down then back at you “I also saved your life, all the men that escaped with me, they were killed, I was taken a hostage by the Rus, tell me wife, which fate do you see better, if you stay and wait here safely, or if you come with me and end up taken, raped and killed?” he said frustratedly, “you left me you sick bastard!” you shouted louder “and I came back to you!” 

You heard a knock on the door, and you took a deep breath “are you expecting visitors?” he whispered “no, I’m supposed to end my life because you left” you mocked, you walked to the door and opened it, a smiling Hvitserk was there with his two other brothers “we decided to break our feast with you instead” he declared “Y/N? Is everything alright? Won’t you invite us in?” it only took him one look at you to understand there was something wrong, you smiled a little and moved away from the door, for them to enter, to see why your color was pale.

“Ivar!” Bjorn exclaimed, he and Ubbe immediately got a reach of their axes “no bloodshed on my land” you warned, taking few steps to stand in the middle, Ivar was as surprised to see his brothers as they were to see him, he took his crutches and walked closer, glancing at their axes “what is it now brothers? Would you like to kill me? Please, be my guests, do it, I beg you” he said ever so daringly, he had a death wish, talking to his brothers this way “you’ve been hiding him all this time?” Hvitserk’s voice, his broken voice could be heard “he just walked in at the night” you defended, “why did you return?” Ubbe finally asked.

“For a starter, I returned for a promise that I made before I leave, to my wife, that I will come back to her” all eyes were on you now, Hvitserk’s were the only ones that mattered “and because I’m tired of all the fighting, I’ve only lost a brother due to my stupidity, I don’t wish to lose another if you listen to me, all of you, let me explain what happened, let me apologize, then you decide my fate” his brothers looked at each other then nodded “we’ll listen” Ivar smiled so sweetly “then please, have a seat” 

The four of you sat around Ivar, you, subconsciously reached out for Hvitserk’s hand, only gaining a glare from your whatsoever called a husband but unlike him, he kept his mouth shut “I was crazed, blinded by revenge for my mother, and I admit I did stupid decisions, then I met this woman, Freydis, Y/N always saw right through her, she knew she was nothing but a witch from the very first day,  enchanted me, she pretended to care for me while she betrayed me behind my back with other men, once I figured that out I got rid of her, then I fleed fearing for my life, Y/N I would’ve never left you alone if I wasn’t sure you’d be safe, I knew Hvitserk would return and I knew he’d look after you, Hvitserk had always cared for you” he glanced at the way you were holding each other’s hands.

“I traveled alongside the silk road until I was abducted by the Rus, prince Oleg, first I believed I met my match but later… the way he cold heartlessly killed his own brother, how he tortured the other, I didn’t wish to be like him, he forged papers to claim Kattegat, wanted to emerge it to his kingdom, I helped his brother escape in trade for him to smuggle me here with no one knowing, I apologize for everything brothers, all the lives I took, the pain I caused, I was cursed but now I wish nothing but forgiveness and to spend the rest of my days with my wife, here, of course if she’ll have me”

Ivar looked at you, waiting for a response that never came, you begged Odin for guidance but that never came either “Ivar I…” you started to speak but was interrupted “I say we go home and discuss it further” Hvitserk told his elder brothers who looked at him confused, it’s not like him to think things through, but again, a lot had changed “and until then Ivar remains here” he informed of his decision then stood up and walked out of the hut, you followed “Hvitserk!” You called “you would’ve never made the decision yourself Y/N, I made it for you! You love him, no matter how hard you try to hide it, you love him! And if my brothers want to kill him then my gift to you is those precious moments with your husband!” He looked down then back at you

 “you never told me! You said you were only in love! But you made an oath to the gods!” He shouted “Ivar made me promise” you grumbled, both of you were crying “I wish if you would choose me instead, I would’ve spent the rest of my life making it up for you, thanking you for everything you’ve ever done, and perhaps one day… we would’ve gotten married and started a family of our own, I had a whole image of this! But it will never be me” he told you as he took a few steps closer, he leaned down and kissed you deeply, you closed your eyes, you didn’t push him away.

When the kiss ended, he caressed your cheek then walked away, sitting on the cart, your slave Jenivie rushed to you, waiting for the order “go with him, never leave his side, Hvitserk trusts you more than anyone now and he needs you, I know you care for him so go, take a good care of him” you wiped your tears away, sniffing “thank you my lady” the woman mumbled and ran to him, you walked back inside, meeting the other two halfway, Ubbe looked at you angrily, he was angry at you for some reason! As if you started this ridiculous war! He didn’t bother to say goodbye, he stormed off to the cart, while Bjorn, he was sympathetic, he placed a hand on your arm “the heart wants what it wants Y/N and your heart wants Ivar, I only hope you are aware of what you’re dealing with, other than that I have no words, let us know if you need any help” you mumbled a thank you then he walked away.

Ivar was waiting for you inside, standing tall in the middle of the room “I’m truly not welcomed no? Your heart belongs to someone else now” you shook your head no “my heart is yours, it always has been, the only difference is I’m being torn apart now” you faked a smile “I hope you did make the right choice for you wife” you nodded “I hope so too” you wiped your red cheeks once more, then sat on the bed “come, let’s undo your braces, you must be tired now” he nodded and sat next to you, you undid the braces and the belts that kept his legs from falling apart, it was strange how familiar you were with the process and once you were done, he took off his clothes and handed them to you, you put them in the washroom.

When you returned he was under the fur, waiting for you “undress for me? I missed feeling your skin on mine” he requested, even though you knew it was more of an ordered that you couldn’t help but follow, once you were all naked you stood in front of him, his eyes wandered all over your body, checking you out from head to toes, eating you alive with the way he looked at you, he made a gesture for you to join him in bed and you did, getting under the fur with him “y/n, do you still love me?” He asked, you simply nodded, of course, you did, that’s how much of an idiot you were.

“I wish to make love to you someday, not now but someday, now I have so much to tell you, about the horrors I’ve witnessed, you were the only person that kept me going, thinking of the day we’d reunite again!” He spoke to you softly, holding your hands in his, they felt strange to you, his skin that you once were keen for, they were strange and you only hoped he didn’t feel it too, his hands were cold, before now, his hands were never cold “Y/N, I beg you to say something! This silence is frightening me!” He begged “what do you want me to say Ivar? I wasn’t expecting this, before… I thought when we’ll be reunited I’d tell you a lot! But now I can’t bring myself to look at you without thinking of the pain you caused! You hurt me Ivar, you left me broken!” 

“Broken but alive!” He groaned, you felt blood rush into your veins and sat on his lap, you slapped him, then slapped him again and again, screaming, until your hands hurt and his cheeks were red then you collapsed on top of him sobbing, you waited for the monster everyone talking about to rise and kill you but instead, you were left to deal with Ivar’s embrace, he held you close and soothed you until you calmed down “I deserve that and more, you have all the right to hurt me, even hate me, I’m stupid for not realizing what I had earlier, hate me all you want Y/N” you sniffed “that’s the problem, I don’t hate you, I never did”

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

Tags: (let me know if you want to be tagged for this story) @youbloodymadgenius​ @lol-haha-joke​ @i-am-a-teenage-dirtbaggg​ @gearhead66​ @joebob15274​ @supernaturalvikingwhore​ @xbiekesx​

Images source: stolen from google images.

[sincerelyovercast]

9 years ago from today...

...was my first day of my Freshman Year in college at UC Merced. Man, where did the time go?

I still remember standing outside of the lecture hall for my first class CHEM001. I was the first one there. Heh, I know. What a nerd. lol. 

I was sooo nervous, shy, and introverted. I was in a completely new place. A new city, with new faces everywhere. I didn’t know a single person.

I still remember initially hating the place. 

As a person that thrives in cloudy/foggy cold weather, the unbearable summer heat was enough for me to say “No, I don’t belong here.” Add that to the fact that I was an off-campus freshman who knew absolutely no one, attending a college in the middle of nowhere and in a city that seemed to have nothing but farms and cows just felt wrong. All those reasons, along with just being an innate antisocial person, spelled the recipe for person that was destined to be a loner.

After hours of dreading and hating the place, I realized that a majority of these people were probably having the same thoughts as I was. It’s the first day of college, it’s meant to be scary and exciting.

Exciting.

Yes, exciting. Why am I so focused on the negatives? I’m here already, and this is where my life has taken me. I might as well make the most of it.

I was able to muster up enough courage and self-confidence to say Hi to some people. I met some people that would lead to meeting more people. Some in class, some in the dorms (after being invited by others), and some in passing.

I still remember this day, and will probably never forget it for the rest of my life. I was in my Writing class (WRI 001) and a classmate of mine (who ends up becoming one of my closest friends) asked me if I was Filipino. I answered yes, and he invited me to tag along later tonight to check out one of my clubs on campus. It was a Filipino club called PAA. I invited some of the people I met in the first week of school, and we all decided to meet up at the club event. 

It was actually the club’s first meeting of the year, I believe. It was outside of the Sci & Eng building. They welcomed all the new Freshmen that were interested, discussed topics that pertained to the Filipino club and what the year had in store for them, and so on. By the time the meeting had concluded, all of the Freshmen had left. I still remember them telling me they were all leaving, and for some reason, I decided to stay.

I was standing there, very shy. I didn’t really know how to approach anyone. They all seemed so close-knit and cool. They were all so talented, being a part of dance groups and choir. As I stood there, I thought, well maybe I should’ve left? Why did I even stick around? Hm, should I just go ho-

‘Hi! My name’s Jessica, nice to meet you.’

This was the day my life changed.  The day I met my best friend, my inspiration, my role model. 

Sounds like I’m putting her on a pedestal, I know, but hear me out. To this day, I can’t even begin to imagine how different my life would’ve been if I hadn’t met her. If I hadn’t decided to break out of my shell and stay until the end of that meeting.

She taught me to care about other people. Not that I didn’t care before, but I used to think that you had to look out for yourself first. The way she cared and looked out for other people though, it felt so sincere, and pure. She would go out of her way to help you succeed, support you, and make you feel like you belonged. She, too, was an off-campus Freshman once, so I guess she knew how it felt. She made sure I didn’t feel left out or neglected. I still remember that first night we met, she brought me to her dorm to show me around and insisted in walking me to my car. She genuinely cared.

She taught me to believe in myself.  I never would’ve thought that in a million years, I would be performing cultural dances and acting in a play on stage. I remember always being in awe at how cool she was. Her performances were always amazing. She was like a real-life Beyonce (not saying Beyonce isn’t real, but you know what I mean lol). But she was so down to Earth. She made me believe that all the great things she exemplified, I can do too. She would make posters and cheer me on to be the best that I could be.

She taught me how to be responsible. If it wasn’t for her, I might’ve not graduated college. Parties, drugs, and temptation were all commonplace throughout college. It was everywhere, and easy to get a hold of. I saw so many students get kicked out, get hooked to drugs, get wasted every weekend, treat their girlfriends like sh*t, or just turn into complete douchebags. There wasn’t much to do in the small town, I might’ve just became one of those douchebags. Instead, I always thought about every move I made and made sure it wasn’t what would disappoint her. Secretly, of course. I didn’t want to seem like a weirdo. Lol. But I knew, deep in my heart, that for some reason, what this girl does and what she believed was right, is the right decision. The right move. The right thing to do. You know the saying “What would Jesus do?” I had my own version, “What would Jessica do?” Haha.

But in all seriousness, unknowingly to her, she steered in me the right direction. I’m not saying I’m where I want to be now and that I’m this holy high-and-mighty pure person, cause I’m not. But it was because of her that I was able to avoid falling into the traps, pitfalls, and mishaps that usually befall young college students that have yet to find themselves.

But most importantly, she taught me that you can find happiness in places you wouldn’t think of.

Whether it was studying late at night, going to get food at the dining commons, a warm hug, or going on road trips -- she changed my perspective on how to see things. Glass half-full rather than half-empty.

And just like that, I no longer hated this place.

The heat was bearable. The open-space of the farms felt freeing. The city that was in the middle of nowhere and seemed to have nothing, ended up having everything.

So to anyone that does ever read this, if you find yourself unhappy with where you are in life, don’t give up on it just yet. It may just be the greatest thing to ever happen to you. A blessing in disguise. You just don’t know it, yet. Sometimes all it takes is some time, some positive outlook, some faith, and maybe someone that you’ll meet that will show you how to appreciate it all.

Thank you for helping me see what was in front of me. Thank you, @inlivingwritenow​​. 💛👐🏼

#give them their roses while they can still smell them.

[smolbeandrabbles]

DJ Got Us Fallin’ In Love - Captain Emmett Dutton x Reader (Australia) Modern!AU

@mandy23b - I really wanted to surprise you with this one 💜💙

Author’s Note: SO. Basically, this is a combination of two things. THIS POST and the Modern!Dutton vibes it gives off, and Amanda’s tags on “Starlight” (Which also inspired the song, dontcha know?) *Note: Outfit based loosely on above pictures. Trust you, Amanda😉  .  Disclaimer: Lyrics / Characters not mine, as usual. Idea was a discussion with @3134045126​ so I’ma give her credit here too! ... And the song, as previous, is all Ms.Mandy23b 

Premise: Harbouring a crush on a superior officer is the last thing you’re worried about when he’s as sweet as Emmett Dutton is. If you can get him out this evening, who knows what else you can do...  Words: 2483 Warnings: Drinking / AU

__________ So we back in the club With our bodies rockin' from side to side Thank God the week is done... No control of my body Ain't I seen you before? I think I remember those eyes, Keep downing drinks like there's No tomorrow there's just right Now, now, now, now, now, now Hands up, when the music drops Put your hands on my body Swear I seen you before I think I remember those eyes 'Cause baby tonight, D-J got us fallin' in love again Yeah, baby tonight, D-J got us fallin' in love again So dance, dance, Like it's the last, Last night of your life, life Gonna get you right Cause baby tonight, D-J got us fallin' in love again ---  All it was meant to be was a night out with your girls at the karaoke bar. Sure that bar also gave everyone a break from horrendous (increasingly drunk) singing, because it also had a dance floor, but you weren’t here for that. Whether you would end up on it or not... was another matter... Being with your girls was only one of two reasons you were out here. Because you were hoping to catch the eye of someone else. You could tell just by looking at him that he wasn’t usually the type to come to something like this. But it’d been a couple of months since the far beyond cute Captain Dutton had caught your eye across the mess hall, and whilst passing him today you’d inquired as to if he was coming out tonight; “Oh I-” “I just know a lot of the barracks are going, so I thought you might...” “No it’s, just that I- it’s not really my scene...” “Oh... not even for one night?” Your look did your pleading for you, and he gave a soft sigh and a smile “Okay, one night... now go on, before your drill sergeant catches you.” “Yes, Sir!” You responded with a grin, back straight - before you jogged off to your next drill exercise. You were a tough girl by all accounts and had got into the army through no small feat. Your aim to always add a little feminine charm, and beat all the boys while you were at it. You’d already outpaced a few of them on both running, and obstacle drills - and stood at the end, arms folded behind your back with a little smirk; “What, too hard for you guys?” Sometimes that landed you a little in trouble, but, you mostly stuck to the rules. You did know what was good for you, sort of. And the Captain... He could definitely be good for you.  Emmett Dutton was the quiet type. And if he wasn’t where he was, and at the rank he was at, you would almost say he was the shy type. Maybe he was, maybe he was just good at this. He seemed to make friends with all his peers and you figured, once you started crushing on him, that it wouldn’t be too hard to make friends with him yourself.  Of course, your own friends figured out pretty easily (because you kept staring at him whenever he was in the same room... even when you were supposed to be listening to someone else brief you) that you had a crush. And the teasing became relentless. Luckily it hadn’t spread around the entire barracks yet but, every time you saw Emmett pass by and you gave each other a smile they would sigh dreamily, pretend to swoon and say “Oh captain! My Captain!”. Which only led to them getting punched in the arm - but it wouldn’t be long until people caught on. Especially since you’d started keeping Emmett up to date with your schedule, and he would come around if he had free time to watch you. You had figured out by now that it happened often enough for it to be more than just ‘passing by’ as you often heard him announce to the officer in charge that day. Which only made the girls wiggle their eyebrows and nudge you. “Shut up!” you hissed, “He’s clearly here for—!”  Except, when you’d finished up, he might also decide to catch you and say something akin to ‘great work’. And you had to listen to your friends try to hold their laughter and screeching in whilst still being respectful of his title. Of course, once he was out of ear shot you couldn’t help but laugh with them laughing at you. Emmett was going to get you in all kinds of trouble, and to be honest, you didn’t mind the prospect all that much.  ***  So half your night tonight had been incredibly fun - singing along to every song in the three of you’s repertoire. With the singing becoming screaming and both it, and the song choices, becoming increasingly cheesy & bad as the night progressed and you consumed a little more alcohol. In the end, half of the words were lost to giggling. To the point where, inevitably, they shut down the entire thing for the night and the DJ began pumping out hit after hit. Leaving you all to huddle onto a bench table and chat away. But it must have been at least an hour and he still hadn’t turned up yet... and you weren’t about to sit here and wallow in self-pity (even though you were).  But then in he walked. Looking about as shy and hesitant as you expected. And also better perhaps than you had even seen him in uniform. His shades were tucked into the front of his shirt, even though it was late evening. You wondered if he had managed to take some of the day off since you’d invited him out, then. As today even you had found time to lay on the grass and bask in the sun’s warm rays. It had been a good one by all accounts. It was about to get even better. You hoped. Emmett was wearing a black shirt over white, sleeves rolled up to give further effect to that contrast, dark jeans that looked almost stone washed, and black lace ups - you thought that was likely about as casual as he got. And yet you were almost surprised, with his hair still near perfect, that he looked that casual. Your mood instantly picked up, suddenly alert, you leant forward with a smile. He’d come, you’d asked him to come and he had! He looked around for a moment and to your annoyance, spotted his friends first. “...Ahhh—!!” Both your friends suddenly leant on you as they also noticed him. “If it isn’t your Captain!!” “Shut up!!” You pushed them to no avail but kept your eyes on him, still smiling. He smiled too, and then he laughed.  And your heart fluttered softly; damn this crush... damn him for making you feel this way, and want to fall so deeply into this. Emmett ordered his drink with his friends, still laughing with them - before he turned to admire the rest of the bar. And as his eyes scanned around you realised that he was looking for someone. And then he saw you, and the smile he gave was unlike one you had ever seen from him. He offered a wave “Hi!” “Hey-!” You mouthed back; knowing you were smiling in a similar fashion. “You’re blushing.” You turned back to your girls, both of them staring at you bluntly “What-!?” “Blushing—!” The problem was you knew you were, and now they had mentioned it you could feel your face heating up, but you swivelled back to the bar intent on ignoring their jibes at you... By this time he was sipping beer smoothly, and edging away from his friends. They were pushing his arm and laughing as much at him as your friends were at you. You noticed that he laughed back, and held his hands up like it was hardly his fault. Emmett took a few steps away, then laughed and turned back as they all began cat-calling to him. “Shut up!” You saw him say before he turned back to them and got a little animated as they all started laughing again. From over here you couldn’t hear them but you could imagine the banter. If Emmett was even half as proper in his down time as he was dressed in uniform, then this was likely to cause quite the stir with people who weren’t his friends. So he walked, all the way across the bar, to you. “Hey...” His voice was just as soft as his demeanour “Emmett...” it almost felt strange to call him by his first name, but, he wasn’t the captain when he wasn’t in uniform. “You came.” “Well...” he gave a gentle shrug, “You asked me to, didn’t you? Would you... like a drink?” “I...” you indicated to your own “Think I’ve maybe had... a few too many...” “Oh...” he looked a little disappointed, and took another sip of his own, “...Well then...” he held his hand out “... Dance with me.” “Wh-!?” You probably couldn’t have sounded more surprised as your friends stared at each other in disbelief. “Well, the music is up, if you don’t want another drink and you invited me here, I believe that I should at least offer you a dance...” You took a deep breath, hardly daring to believe this was real, and took his hand; “...And I will accept your dance, Captain...”  As he pulled you from your seat, both yours and his friends whistled - ear piercing enough to cut through the music and have you both laughing; “You must forgive my friends...!” Emmett took your other hand in his as he smiled, “But, um, things like this are a rare occurrence for me...” You giggled, “Maybe I should change that.” A slight blush crossed his cheeks as he bit his lip through his smile; “I - haha - wouldn’t be adverse to that...” You gave a sweet smile, and accompanying wink; “Me either.” “Be careful, you haven’t seen me dance yet!” You both laughed at that; “Oh, Y/N, you must forgive me my lateness... There were a few things I needed to attend to back at barracks, and I was waylaid a little longer than I ought to have been...” You shook your head, “I... I’m just glad you’re here... and I understand...!” It was his job after all, and you knew Emmett would have put anything he had to do for his men first. You gave a grin, “Don’t worry! You didn’t miss much!! Just karaoke!” He laughed, “Oh goodness! How could I?!” You returned a cheeky wink; “Exactly! It was the best bit!” “Well, hopefully you dance as well as you sing.” “Oh no!” You laughed harder “Then you’d be in trouble Emmett!” “Why!?” His smile was still sweet, “Because you would show me up?” “The complete opposite Captain I assure you!” He raised an eyebrow, “Nonsense!” The beat to the next song started and he grinned, “Time to put your money where your dance moves are!!” You had to raise an eyebrow yourself at that, because this man did not appear to you to be a dancer. But, here you were – in civvies – on a dancefloor in a tiny bar having the time of your life.  He took your hands and led you, through jam after jam, after jam. Sometimes he was your dance partner, and sometimes it was nothing short of a dance off. But then the DJ decided to turn it up a notch, and you noticed even his friends and yours, who had been watching you all night, clamour to get out on the floor with you. Emmett and yourself paused, looking around, you recognised the hit another club classic from 2010; “Is this DJ got us falling in love?!” “…That’s subtly ironic…” He mused, with a gentle chuckle. And his eyes fell back to you – your face read curious, even though you picked up on his meaning right away. But the smile on your face transformed into a grin; “…Only… subtly…” And so both of you sang along to every word – and became the literal embodiment of the phrase dance like no one is watching, even though you were both aware,that everyone in this little bar – even those also dancing – were watching you. He moved with you like you’d been doing this for more than just a few hours – but maybe you’d both somehow been able to commit each other’s movements to memory. You weren’t sure you’d enjoyed yourself this much in ages. Hands up, no cares or worries. Only him. Only each other. And this music. *** Top that! You would have said, as everyone stayed on the floor for the next few songs. But you knew it wouldn’t happen. You were having fun out here and although you realised the night was going to end, and likely soon, it was the last thing you wanted to happen. You were both seeing things in each other you’d never seen before. And tomorrow it would be back to formalities and calling him Captain – standing that little bit straighter when he walked by, and keeping everything as respectful as was commanded. No – apparently the evening could be topped. Because the DJ decided to end the night not on another incredible classic that would keep everyone out here. But a ridiculous slow dance. To which the majority of people groaned and evacuated the dancefloor – there were couples here though, that stayed – and friends that decided they hardly cared the type of song, they were determined to be the last ones out on the floor. You thought Emmett would be as likely to pull away too; but he didn’t. Instead he kept a firm grasp on your hand, and as you turned to leave, drew you to him. “No, no… Y/N? You’d leave me at the last song?” “This song?” “…Yes, this song!” “But… Captain I…” “…Emmett.” He held you closer as he corrected you, hand in yours to begin an faultless sway, you guessed this did seem like more of his kind of music, “…You need not be so formal with me.” “In a few minutes that’s exactly what I will have to be.” “Why?” “Because that’s who you are…” “But to you I don’t have to be. Not outside…” Your lips parted as your eyes flicked between his, “Subtly ironic…” “Mmm Hmm…” Emmett was serious. He was talking about dating. He was talking about real relationships. You & him. Not just a crush… “MM hmmm…” You looked away from his gently blue eyes, biting your lip, and could feel the blush raising on your cheeks instead. The song finished and he stepped away from you with a gentle bow. “Thank you.” “For dancing with you?” Your returned his bow with a beautiful beaming smile “…No, Emmett, thank you for coming...!” “It was nothing…” “To me, it was everything…” you let your hand slip from his, but the smile remained. “We should do this again.” “Yes…” He ran a hand through his hair; “And more than once.” “You asking me on a date?” He laughed, bashfully, “I think so…” “Multiple dates!?” you clarified. That laugh turned to a grin, aimed more at the floor than you; “…Yes. I guess…” You nodded in acceptance; “I suppose I should say I can’t wait to see you on the dance floor again?” You got to hear that gorgeous laugh from him again; “...My sentiments exactly!”

---

@dennismitchell @happyskywhale @wltz-bby #MendoTagSquad. 

[aesthetic-survivor-of-twd]

Do u have some other plans for this blog like talking about Other Games (maybe Wolf 2), review some games, stream some games, discord group to talking with fans, Ideas for those shitty quarantine days (just kidding haha)or smth like that ? I think that would be really cool ! Luv u !

I'll go through each part you mentioned!

1) Yes I will be discussing all future Telltale games on this blog :) However, I will try to keep it around 80% twdg as much as possible for those who only want that kind of content from me (I will add a tag for TWAU S2 so people can blacklist it if they wish). I'm looking forward to discussing Wolf 2 when it nears release!

2) I will gladly review other games if that's what people want to see from me.

3) I REALLY want to do more streams. However I'll need to find a way to do it outside of streaming on Steam as that's had issues in the past when people have joined my episodic playthroughs of TFS. I plan to play through the entire series one day and provide commentary throughout it. I'll also stream TWAU S2 when it releases as well.

4) I've actually been apart of a fair number of Discord groups in the fandom since early TFS lol. I won't be making my own Discord though since if I'm being realistic with myself - I won't have time to monitor it every day ^_^; however if anyone would like me to join their Discord, feel free to shoot me an invite!

5) As for ideas, I'm currently working on that!

So far I've dropped a new TWD Drawing Challenge for people to do and I have 2 more lined up for the months ahead as well! (June & August) and that's not even including my ritual of Inktober every year!

I briefly considered making a challenge for the writers in the fandom as well, but I don't wish to take away from the other writing challenges currently going on right now by other members :)

If anyone has any other ideas btw I'm more than happy to take on feedback.

Love you too! 💖

[oddsnendsfanfics]

Coming Undone

Genre: Fan Fiction (Vikings) Pairing: Ubbe/Reader Warnings: N/A Rating: G Length: Drabble Disclaimer: a strict work of fiction, I own nothing except the original characters and the plot line. In no way am I affiliated to any of it.  

A/N: Alright, this is a late (sorry very rushed through) addition to @laketaj24  birthday celebrations 

A little over two hours ago you had shown up at the Lothbrok house as requested, Ubbe had mentioned something about dinner at his parents' a few weeks ago; telling you that his mother was griping about how her family never got together anymore.

She and Ragnar were lonely, Bjorn was too busy with his newest wife, Ubbe and you were always at work, Hvitserk was setting up another club, Sigurd was - somewhere in the world, and Ivar was in another month long snit fit about something.

Saturday evening dinner and family time was a demand, not a request. When Aslaug demanded, she got what she wanted, it was easier for everybody in the end. Which is why you had shown, after work it was home to shower and change, with the agreement to meet Ubbe there.

Dinner had been his excuse to get you here. Arriving, you'd taken a few seconds to gather your belongings and the bottle of schnapps that you'd brought especially for after dinner with Aslaug. Opening the door, you'd almost lost the schnapps when the large group of waiting family, friends, and various people you may or may not know began screaming Happy Birthday.

Leave it to Ubbe.

He'd arranged an entire surprise party and was nowhere to be found. He'd told you that he would meet you at six thirty -  no later - for dinner. Of course that was before you knew that dinner was translation of a surprise party.

Two hours and no Ubbe.

"Hvitserk," You gently place a hand on his shoulder, guiding him away from one of your co-workers. "Where is your brother?"

Hvitserk smirked, his drink at his lips. "Which one? Sigurd is in the kitchen, Bjorn is outside, and Ivar...."

"I meant Ubbe. Don't be an ass!" You scold, resisting the urge to smack him in the back of the head. "Where is he?"

"He told me that he was getting a ride with Uhtred." Hvitserk shrugged, waving at another one of your friends passing by. The damn boy would have them all in bed before the end of the evening, no doubt. Those poor girls.

"Well, Uhtred showed up thirty minutes ago." Not to state the obvious. You clearly remember Ubbe's best friend coming in through the garage door. He hadn't made his way to you, yet, but he was hard to miss with that cocky smile and mess of dark hair.

"Look, if I hear from Ubbe then I'll come get you. Maybe he got tied up with work? Either way, relax. You know he'll be here." Hvitserk tried to pacify you and get out of this conversation. "He said that he was coming with Uhtred, maybe he knows where he is."

"Fine, whatever." You roll your eyes at Hvitserk and sigh, not wanting to be that person.

"It's a party, your party. Go enjoy. Ubbe will be here." He smiled, kissing your cheek and waltzing back to the co-worker he'd been chatting up.

This was bullshit.

You had sent a text, worry now beginning to set in over the anger. What if something had happened? What if he was in trouble and...You groan and roll your eyes seeing the over zealous Uhtred approaching, his stupid face plastered with a cheeky grin.

"You look like you could use a drink, Milady."

"Where's Ubbe?"

"Uh," Uhtred resorted to a drink instead of an answer. His blue eyes didn't do well at hiding his lies or nerves.

"Uhtred?" You prompt. "He told Hvitserk that you were bringing him, where is he?"

"No clue." Uhtred shrugged, licking his lips. "He only asked me to bring a cake. Which I did. It's in the kitchen. Chocolate with chocolate icing and raspberry center, the one you like from that hipster bakery downtown." He recited off the order that he'd been given.

He was right, you did love that cake, but right now cake was the last thing you wanted. It was your birthday party, damn it, and you wanted Ubbe here.

"You really have no idea where Ubbe is?" You ask again.

"If I did, then I would tell you." Uhtred leaned closer with a wink. "What I will tell you, is that if he doesn't show by the end of the night, I'll make sure you get a ride."

"You are terrible Uhtred Bebbanburg." You snort at his offer. Ubbe would clock him, despite the years of friendship, if he thought Uhtred was making a pass at you. They shared a lot, but you were something Ubbe wasn't into allowing the dark haired Dane have.

Brows raised, Uhtred laughed. "You have no idea how terrible, but I could show you. If you want."

"Go flirt with Hvitserk's new lady friend. He'll love you for it." You ignore the flirtations. He is something else. "If you hear from Ubbe, tell me."

"Will do." Uhtred nodded, strutting over to Hvitserk and the lady he had been trying to pick up for the duration of the party. Before the evening, she'd be leaving with one man or possibly both on her arm.

You'd tried Ubbe's phone, two voice mail messages later, you huffed. Forget it. He would arrive, when he felt good and ready. There was no sense in sitting around pouting, when you could be enjoying your birthday party. After all, these people were here for you.

Mingling, despite the worry and once again anger bubbling, you did your best to try and enjoy. Aslaug and Ragnar had outdone themselves decorating the house and allowing everybody to gather for the occasion.

"We're going to have the cake soon, sweetie." Aslaug informed you, passing by as you'd settled to chat with Ivar and a friend from work.

"Thanks." You nod and zone out from the conversation about the latest films and which version of the Grinch was best. Who knew Ivar was such a Dr. Seuss fan.

Checking your phone, still no replies.

Departing to make another call, you forget the task at hand, hearing that all too familiar, smooth as silk voice. Around the corner, Ubbe stands chatting with a guy that you vaguely remember seeing once, at a party. Ubbe really had invited everybody! Before you in the flesh and hours late, you're torn between slapping and hugging him, when you approach.

“Kind of you to show.” You quip grabbing Ubbe by the elbow.

"Happy birthday, babe." He attempts a kiss, only to be rejected. Rightfully so. Wanting to ask him where he has been hiding, your thoughts are derailed with commotion from the kitchen.

"Happy birthday to you..." Aslaug began, grabbing the attention of the happy party goers. The mix of voices joining her, the distinct voice carrying about the rest.

You glare at Ubbe, at your side. After this, you were having a discussion.

"Go on, blow out the candles." Nudging you forward. Now wasn't the time.

Blowing out the candles and thanking everyone for coming, as Sigurd and Ivar jeered at you for a "Speech", your eyes stayed locked on Ubbe. He best have a good reason for missing most of the party. Satisfied that you'd put on your best happy face and spoke from the heart, you dismissed the spotlight.

“That was lovely, I'm glad to see you've enjoyed the...” Ubbe pauses, your eyes throwing daggers at him. “Oh babe, come on.”

"Where were you?" You hiss, taking Ubbe aside.

"I had things to do. This is just phase one of our party. Wait until we get home." Ubbe smiles, his deliciously stubbled face covered in a shit eating grin. "I have even more of a surprise, just make sure you bring some of that cake. It's going to look great smeared all over the sheets."

"I hate you."

"Keep that going, it will only make your present hotter. By the way, I think Uhtred is going to drive us home. Mind if he comes in for a bit?"

@float-autumn-leave , @funmadnessandbadassvikings , @kawennote09, @smutgoblin , @nickysurfer28 , @igetcarriedawaywithyou ,  @akamaiden @angelaiswriting, @neeadinghugs, @thoughtsmeander2tumblingblindly, @ilvebeenabad , @naaladareia, @tephi101 ,  @imgoldielikehawn , @sparklemichele, @titty-teetee, @smolasianwinterbean , @imyourliquor-youremypoison , @ceridwenofwales @ateliefloresdaprimavera , @angelswannawearmyredshooz @awesome-as-i-wanna-be , @lilu46 ,  @dani-si , @hoeghfabulous , @danicalifornia25 , @pebblesz892 , @whenimaunicorn , @lisinfleur, @sconniebelle , @imeannooffensebabybut , @fumblingthroughchaos  , @itsspecial-itsnotforeveryone, @beautifulramblingbrains,  @chynagirl13 , @niamandthings , @thepalaceofmelanie ,  @bluearchersstuff, @equalstrashflavoredtrash, @wilddrabble, @lol-haha-joke, @ivarlothbroks, @writingfromasgard, @happydaysandersen, @rekdreams-fandom , @pixiedustandfairywings @vikingsandetc, @thevikingsheaux , @hows-my-hair, @alicedopey, @supernaturalvikingwhore, @thisisabigmaze, @grungyblonde @sdcyumyum @unacceptabletatertots, @captstefanbrandt -   if you want to be added to the tag list, feel free to ask :)

[journeysintowebcomics]

Worm Liveblog #104

UPDATE 104: Some Peace for Once

Last time Skitter defeated the Azazel suit all by herself, and that defeat led Dragon to pull all the suits out of Brockton Bay. Now Coil has ordered everyone to stop gallivanting around in their suits, so for once they all have a few free days! Will they be able to enjoy them, or will things happen because there’s no rest for the Worm characters? Let’s see.

Imp wants to throw a part and rub it in a little, show the heroes they can’t do a thing against the villains controlling this city. Wow, that’s a monumentally bad idea, especially because Coil ordered everyone to not be out wearing their costumes. Sure’s going to be suspicious if a bunch of teenagers are partying and using fireworks for no discernable reason. The Travelers wouldn’t mind a party, and neither does Regent, so I really hope the rest of the Undersiders have enough common sense to reject this horrible idea.

Maybe a private party would be fine, though...if they all feel comfortable hanging out without costumes. I can’t imagine the Travelers would want to, though, even though the Undersiders have already seen their faces, if I recall correctly.

Skitter hasn’t been paying attention to the discussion, and here I’m waiting for her to reject the party idea.

I sighed and confessed, “I’m… I guess I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Isn’t that what happens?  The second things start to go right, the next disaster strikes?  Empire Eighty-Eight, Leviathan, The Nine, Dragon…”

Ahahaha, nice, Skitter can see a pattern where it exists. She’s already bracing herself for any trouble that’ll come now that things are supposedly going well. It’s a bit hard to imagine what kind of trouble there’ll be now, though. All major threats are gone and the heroes won’t make a move so soon. Still, something’s going to happen, right? Right?

In Genesis’ opinion, if whatever’ll happen now is very dangerous, then they can’t plan or do anything until they’re attacked, and if it’s not so dangerous, they’ll be able to fight back anyway, so there’s no point in worrying right now. Famous last words, really, but she’s got a point. It’s impossible to predict what exactly is going to happen and it’s not like there are any worldwide threats about to make a move. It’s not like Nilbog’s going to come out of his personal city anytime soon, and Cauldron’s closest forces are heroes, so...yeah, no big threats I can think of.

Nobody else except Grue is nearly as cautious as Skitter, so I’m pretty sure once everyone goes their separate way there’s going to be a few private celebrations. Skitter will be a responsible villainous caretaker and check on her territory, to make sure the recent attack Dragon made didn’t make them so discontent they’ll try to shank her the moment she shows her costumed face around. Hey, they won’t dare to say a word or be discontent once they find out what Skitter did, really. So that’s that. Time for everyone to go their separate ways!

What did it say about me that my metaphors were tending towards that kind of violent imagery?

You’re getting jaded, that’s what it means. After everything that has happened it would be surprising if you weren’t, hah.

Since there’s no TV and she can’t go party around, Regent invites Imp to go play videogames with him, much to Grue’s displeasure. He doesn’t hesitate to start voicing his displeasure, only to get interrupted.

“You’ve said enough!  You don’t want me to celebrate my first legit win where I was actually fucking useful?  Fine!  Don’t want me to go on patrol?  Fine! I’ll accept that shit because I’ll take orders from the guy who actually pays me.  But if you’re going to whine because I want to play video games with a teammate, I’m not going to stand here and listen to it!  Deal!”

Honestly I have to agree with Imp on this one. I definitely can support telling her not to be reckless, or defy Coil’s orders, but telling her not to socialize with a teammate – although it’s Regent, who isn’t really known for having good judgment and careful demeanor – is a tad too much. Let her have this much, pal.

So that’s it. Now they’re all going to do what they can. So I suppose this means this chapter will feature Skitter checking on her territory, unless she gets attacked along the way, but I’m intrigued what she’ll do afterwards.

Since they’re done with Coil’s orders, Trickster decides he’ll go check how Coil’s favor for the Travelers is progressing.

“Don’t get on his case,” Genesis said. “Whatever his plan is, he’s under a lot of pressure right now.  I’d rather wait another few days and then talk about it with him than push it now and risk upsetting him.”

“The difference between us,” Trickster said, terse, “is I’m not willing to wait.”

You know, ever since it was revealed the Travelers really aren’t in the best of terms with each other and with Trickster so many things show that clearly and without any room for doubt. It kind of makes me wonder if in the past I missed any foreshadowing about the state of their group. Perhaps I even missed signs of clear enmity. Sure wouldn’t be the first time I don’t notice something, haha

Once only Heckpuppy, Grue and Skitter are left, Heckpuppy asks if the other two are dating, and when that’s confirmed she sounds smug. Hah! Even she could notice it, I remember she noticed it loooong ago. She’s invited to tag along, as if dear Heckpuppy here would love to be the third wheel in this pair. As if! Of course she rejects the idea. She’ll spend her night taking care of her dogs and playing with them. She really doesn’t like being with people. Nothing too surprising over here, I’d have been even more surprised if she had been willing to stick around with them.

So, date night? Date night! Quite the start for her few free days!

Looks like the main reason Taylor wanted to keep Rachel around is because she wants to avoid talking about how she’s taking over the group’s leadership. I thought it was established Brian didn’t care about that too much? Or at least he didn’t seem bothered. Wasn’t there a conversation about this already? Did I imagine it?

Thank goodness, despite Dragon’s attack it seems the meal was finished. Nobody was able to work properly, but it wasn’t a terrible disaster, so let’s count it as a brief impasse and continue working the next day.

I set two servings worth of the pork onto one plate and put it in the microwave.  “They may come back, but that’ll be a little while coming.  What I’m worried about is my territory.  Were people upset?”

“Yeah,” Sierra said.  “A few people got shocked by those floating flying saucer things.”

“The drones,” I said.  My heart sank a little.  My promise to protect my people had been broken yet again.

Oh for the love of—Taylor Hebert needs to stop blaming herself for everything. I know that’s just how she is, and that showing how the residents of her territory are very important to her, but she really needs to stop torturing herself for it, or at least it needs to stop being integrated onto the text. Compared to everything else that has happened to everybody here, this classifies as a rather minor inconvenience. Getting shocked is not pleasant, but this is Dragon, who would never dare to harm a civilian. Taylor doesn’t have to blame herself for what happened as if the drones went by and chopped a few heads off.

I don’t know, her tendency to blaming herself has happened so often I just am starting to get kind of ticked off by it. Personal taste, pretty much. It just feels to me like every single arc for a while already has to forcibly include that.

Either way, nobody was seriously hurt, and Taylor tells them she’ll have to work from the background. I’m kind of worried how the residents will react when they don’t see Skitter around for a while. They may think she abandoned them. Neither Charlotte nor Sierra are confident about handling things by themselves, too, the main reason that they don’t want to be seen doing work for a criminal. Reasonable, yup. Instead of insisting, Taylor decides to give them money and ask them to get someone who can do it, because she trusts their judgment.

I’m not entirely certain how that’ll go. Not a lot of people are willing to work for a criminal just like that. I suppose there might be a chance of finding someone like that here in the territory, though.

That aside, Taylor also asks them to tell those who fought Dragon’s drones to never do that again, because getting hurt for her sake is not kosher. Reasonable, too. Makes me wonder what kind of people were the ones that fought the drones.

Something I really like of Skitter and her leadership style is that she does her best to listen to her employees’ concerns and shows a sincere desire to leave her doors open to them, wanting to know what they think and feel. That’s something admirable. Charlotte is okay with all this, but I’m pretty sure Sierra would rather bail at some point, so I’m glad that’s an option for her, and I’m sure she’s very glad about that too.

Once they go upstairs, they talk a little about how Taylor handles her employees. It’s a good way, and Grue wishes he could do the same, buuuut nobody wants to work for Grue and Imp because they’re hella intimidating. Who’d have thought the guy with the mask/helmet shaped like a skull and darkness flowing out of him like miasma was intimidating? And Imp is unnerving, hah! But yeah, they’re not getting any employees. Hmmm...the only option would be getting employees through Coil, no? But in that case they’re not Grue’s employees, they’re Coil’s. It’s just not the same, and if Coil ever gets kicked out or defeated, Grue would lose his henchmen too. He’s kind of hopeless when it’s about getting employees.

“Right.  If we had to worry about keeping our employees, it’d be good, because it’d mean we actually had some.  I’m not sure how to get underway on that front.  We’re intimidating.”

“I’m intimidating,” I said, admittedly defensive.

“You are.  But I’d say you’re more intimidating as an idea than you are in person.”

“Gee, thanks.”

Oh, but that’s actually good, no? I mean, it’s what makes the residents actually accept her and not mind too much – nowadays – her presence. I’m sure if she was more standoffish or uncaring they’d be thinking of ways to make her good away. They already showed willingness to fight Dragon’s drones, those same people would try to fight her, wouldn’t they? I bet they would.

“But my point is that people are more likely to run than stick around and talk when I’m approaching.  You can take your bugs off the table, make it clear they aren’t a threat, and people feel less threatened, they’re willing to hear you out.”

“Maybe.  But if that’s the case, don’t give them a chance to run.”

“What?  Pop out from around a corner, scare the living daylights out of them, then offer them a job?”

I had to reread these few lines because I thought I had misread something, but no, I didn’t. Goodness, Taylor, you can’t scare the bejeebers out of someone and then offer them a job. Either they faint on the spot or they leave at the first opportunity. Leaving cards in their apartments is even worse, makes you look like a stalker.

This all brings up the point if the prospective hires can’t deal with a little weird threatening crap from Grue, then they’re not cut for the job. She’s not wrong, but it’s still a tad of a weird recruitment plan, haha. That aside, mercenaries is the other option, but that ensures you’re going to get zero or very low loyalty. It’d be good for Grue and Imp to get employees with a modicum of loyalty. Mercenaries are trained and will cooperate as long as the money is flowing, though, so that’s something to consider, compared to untrained civilians. I guess in the end this all depends on if Grue manages to hire anyone.

Enough talk about villainous stuff, it’s relaxing time, says Taylor! Getting DVDs ready for a night of movies. Brian doesn’t get the message, because he brings up the topic of the leadership of the group. Hah! I suppose Taylor was pressing to watch movies because it meant maybe they wouldn’t talk about this, but it failed. It was a valiant effort. Anyway, Brian asks if she wants to take the leadership permanently, Taylor doesn’t want to. She’s just very concerned.

“When I was getting really obsessive about what I was doing, when I was losing sleep and making mistakes, I deferred control.”

“To Trickster,” Brian said.  I could see a shadow pass over his expression.

“Yeah.  And that’s a bad example because it didn’t work.  It’s just that we both know you’re not getting enough rest. So maybe I can pick up the slack in the meantime.”

She’s right, she’s very right! And among everyone in both teams, Taylor is the only one with competent leadership and planning skills. Sure wouldn’t want to let Trickster plan anything ever again, he’s just not good. Still, this doesn’t make Brian very happy, so Taylor offers them to have some sort of joint leadership so he doesn’t have a heavy burden. Her idea is that she can handle Heckpuppy – not too bad of an idea, they seem to be getting along better, somehow – and anything that involves improvisation, while Brian handles everything else. It’s a good idea! Come on, Brian, take it.

He knows she’s right, but that just makes him feel so bad. Brian has always been in an environment where showing signs of weakness means you’ll get backstabbed, and he has been on the backstabber side more than once. His current demeanor is a bit of a recent development, thanks to Aisha pointing out he was being a major jerk, to put it lightly. This pretty much means he started taking burdens onto himself, trying to help others he works with and watch out for them, and now the tables have turned and boy does he hate that.

“So it isn’t just about me trying to adjust.  Christ, it’s me having my world turned upside down.  It’s others protecting me, others helping me, others covering me in a fight, others taking charge.  Aisha’s the one fixing things for me.”

It’s rather understandable, really. Brian is used to being strong and reliable and ready to tackle anything, both for his own sake and for the sake of those he cares about. Now it’s backwards, everyone’s taking care of him and he perceives himself as not having what’s needed to be reliable or strong anymore. The mental trauma from what Bonesaw did is rather debilitating, yeah, but I’m starting to think maybe he perceives he’s being coddled or something, like they don’t trust him to handle anything and instead push him aside so he’s safer and/or doesn’t get in the way. Of course this would bother him so much.

In his opinion, Taylor seems to be taking for granted things will go well and Coil will fulfill his part of the deal, and then they all will continue to handle their territories, and everything will be peachy keen for a while. He’s pretty wrong about what Taylor’s thinking, that’s just the impression he has, and he’s afraid he won’t be able to help if things go wrong all of a sudden. Leaving aside how things going wrong all of a sudden is almost a certainty, I think Brian’s situation can only go in two ways: either he manages to give help and he realizes he hasn’t lost his touch, or he fails at that and sinks deeper into the disappointment he feels at himself. Hard to predict what it’ll be, though.

Since there’s no point in worrying about dangers that you don’t even know what they are, Taylor repeats everything Genesis said and encourages him to relax until trouble arrives. Not worrying about it is easier said than done, but they do manage to leave it aside for now, just to relax, watch movies, and generally build the romantic relationship that has been teased for so many arcs by now.

Oooh, now that their minds are off the leadership stuff Brian isn’t exactly being coy here! Nobody’s going to watch movies if he keeps dragging fingertips and kissing Taylor like this. Good for them! It’s a bit difficult to know what to say about their romantic moves, as there’s something a tad weird about commentating this as if I’m a two-bit voyeur watching from the corner of the room, so I think I’m cutting this here, haha. Oh well. Continuing next time, with the next chapter.

Next time: next update