#those people would be (as they had the right to) reclaiming dyke or fag and often have them in their handle and then being like Q SLUR

[starrypawz]

I do hate it when really random ghosts of discourse pass just haunt me at random

[vmures]

Not so Brief thoughts on insult reclamation and identity

Bullying and "othering" (treating someone as if they are so different from oneself that they are alien or monsterous) are sadly very common responses to encountering people who are perceived as different. Often that bullying will even rise to systemic abuse of entire groups of people. But it can also be very horrific abuse on a smaller scale. Taunting, verbal abuse, physical attacks, death threats, attempted (and sadly sometimes accomplished) murder. I've seen people respond to bullying in a lot of ways and have experienced some of these responses myself. One method is to shun the words they throw at you while trying to show that you aren't like that and therefore shouldn't be targeted. Another is to reclaim slurs and work on healing from the trauma of bullying and becoming comfortable in your own skin. And there is a whole lot of mix and match and reactions in between these two responses.

I think most, if not all, of us who have been bullied have used the first tactic at times, especially the trying to make ourselves less of a target--masking neurodivergence, being careful about how we present ourselves in certain social settings, etc.

But some take this technique even farther. They decide that they must be a good example of whatever different subgroup they are in and that the bullies should really target those other people who are not good. This frequently involves internalized bigotry.

For example, there was a point where I had internalized fatphobia so much that I was determined to try to be a "good" fat person, trying to eat the right food and exercise to show that I was trying to not be fat. This led to an endless spiral of shame, confusion, and guilt because no matter what I did I didn't lose weight the way the personal trainers and nutritionists thought I would. Then I got really sick and dropped a lot of weight and was absolutely unhealthy during that time. I was miserable and in pain, but people sure did seem to like me more, which was super annoying.

Eventually, I got better and as I got better I gained weight back. I was still eating healthy foods and watching my sugar then, but the weight returned anyway. So I eventually embraced the fact that my body seems to be comfortable at a size 18 (US size, and the size I've been most of my later teen and adult years. Nowadays, I focus on trying to feel less pain and being able to move better and not worry so much about the number on the scale. And truth be told I'm a lot happier and healthier both physically and mentally after shifting the way I looked at myself and my weight.

One of the things that I eventually realized is that for all that fat was (and is) used as a slur and a weapon, it's really just a descriptor of body type. I am fat. That is not a bad thing. It doesn't make me monstrous or ugly. And these days if someone calls me fat, I look at them and say "yeah, and?!" Reclaiming that particular insult did wonders for me. And you know what, so did reclaiming "freak" (a very common insult thrown at neurodivergent folks and anyone different), "geek," "nerd," "dyke," "fag" (some confused Louisiana middle-schoolers didn't realize it was usually used for gay men), "gay," "homo," and "queer." All of these were slurs thrown at me alongside physical violence and threats. There was a time I tried very hard to pass as cis and straight, but I was fucking miserable. All of the things that made up who I was were fucking slurs used to hurt me. Eventually, I hit the fuck you point of my life and reclaimed every last one of those terms. I'm currently working on reclaiming lazy. Because rest is required for a healthy life, and US culture's focus on always being productive is beyond unhealthy.

Because yes, words can fucking hurt and scar you worse than some physical violence does. They haunt you and pick at you for years after you first hear them. But part of that has to do with how much power you give those words yourself. Because far too often the one trying to weaponize the word has broadened the actual definition.

So yeah, I'm a freak, a queer, a dyke, and fat. So what? None of those things are inherently bad and those who say they are are lying to you because they do not want to see you and would rather you did not exist. So they other you and try to make you ashamed to exist. Fuck them. You get to keep on existing anyway. And isn't that the best revenge? Living your life and finding happiness where you can? And yes, it is dangerous to live as your authentic self. But that's why solidarity is so important. There is safety in numbers. Build communities with your fellow freaks, queers, fat folks, etc. See and be seen. Let people know that you are here and you are not going anywhere. Stand together and stand strong.

[nerdygaymormon]

I really like the word Queer as an umbrella term for anyone who isn’t heterosexual and/or cisgender. I also like the symbolism of what had been one of the meanest slurs being reclaimed and embraced, we took the sting out of that word. You bet that we’re different, and we’re proud of it.

There are many labels out there, and seems every couple years another one is created, which goes to show that the existing labels don’t always fit well, and rather than force people to use a label that’s a bit off, they can just say “queer.” And also, many people may have several labels that apply to them and rather than have to list those every time, “queer” captures them all. 

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I like that the Millennials and Gen Z have adopted “queer” in a big way. I’m Gen X and from what I see, people my age are okay with Queer being reclaimed, but those from older generations just have too much pain associated with that word to accept it.

It’s funny how kids want everyone to be the same, but as you grow up, people who are different become really cool. So I’m okay with being called “queer” (as long as it’s in a friendly manner, not as an attack against me).

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The terms “gay rights” and “gay power” was used by and for all who have minority gender identities and/or sexual orientations. Over time, it became clear that “gay” was insufficient as an umbrella term. 

The women’s movement of the 1970′s brought attention to the fact that gay women have some needs & issues that differ from gay men, “gay and lesbian” became more popular as a way to highlight the similar, yet separate issues faced by women in the fight for tolerance.

Bisexuals helped us see that lumping them in as gay or lesbian was keeping the general population from seeing they are not in a phase, they exist in their own right. In the mid- to late-1980′s, GLB was adopted as an acronym, and then got switched to LGB in recognition of all the work lesbians did as nurses & caregivers to gay men dying of AIDS and their activism to get the US government to fund research into the disease. 

In the 1990′s, the “T” was added to LGBT to recognize gender identity is distinct from sexual orientation. It helped raise public awareness of this important part of the community.   

In 1990, violence against LGBT people was on a big upswing. To fight back against this rising violence, a group decided to be as shocking as possible. Rather than be ashamed of the words they yell at us, we will own them. They called themselves Queer Nation and also would use words like “dyke” and “fag” in their slogans. I remember seeing them on TV disrupting events with the chant “We’re here. We’re queer. Get used to it!" It was provocative they chose to use these horrible insults as a label for themselves.

As we got more used to hearing “queer,” around the mid-1990′s some people started adding “Q” after LGBT, and slowly that became more common over the years, but seems to have become widely embraced around the year 2000. 

About the time that Q was being added to the acronym is the same time that “I” for intersex was starting to be added to LGBTI, or LGBTIQ or LGBTQI.

There was a time people were proposing to expand the LGBT acronym to LGBTQQ2IAA which was really just too unwieldy (lesbian, gay, bi, trans, questioning, queer, 2 spirit, intersex, ace, aro). And would we continue adding more initials in the future, such as for pan, demi, grey, genderfluid, non-binary and so on? Putting “+” at the end of LGBT+ became a way to show there’s more initials. And “Q” for queer also is a way to be inclusive--meaning all the ways people are not cisgender/heterosexual.

[horce-divorce]

I saw someone bitching about how "kids who listened to MCR and claimed to be emo were fucking posers," in the year of our lord 2020!!!!! and honestly I'm pissed!!!! I'm not here for that any more than I'm here for gatekeeping lgbtqia2s labels, I don't ACTUALLY want to go off on all the ways that's fucking wrong because there's too many to goddamn list but here we go I guess

**cw for homophobic slurs & discussions of mental health/addiction/ableism**

first and foremost tho if you got the shit kicked out of you for being emo/gay BECAUSE you listened to MCR, guess what.... I don't care that "actually they're pop punk" that's not what I'm fucking talking about, asshole???? This is exactly like the "X group can't reclaim queer/fag/dyke :/" No emo is absolutely not a slur lmfao but it IS a label that gets applied unwillingly to people and it DID get applied to us for the sake of hurting us. Think about nonbinary/trans fags and dykes who readily admit that maybe it's not the most PRECISE label, but it still fits like a glove by now; reclamation of those terms MEANS SOMETHING, it's not just arbitrarily choosing a fancy cute aesthetic, and I refuse to believe that you can tell someone's done that by judging ONE thing about them- whether that be "you can't be a dyke bc ur bi" or "you can't be a true emo bc I like mcr." both are false :)

emo at one point did have a specific meaning, sure, but that had already ceased to be clear by the early 2000s so WHY we are still complaining about the ambiguity of the term 20 years later is BEYOND ME.

guess what a lot of us actually experienced early-aughts emo in different ways because where you live and who you are and your community changes EVERYTHING about that situation!!!! even back then there were the True Emos and goths who wanted to kick the shit out of babygay emos like us, scene kids who hated us because they Weren't Emo but got lumped in w us anyway (as if that have them a bad name somehow), and then the normies and preps who hated us all regardless!!! We couldn't fucking win no matter what we did!!! we were dumb weirdoes who liked DND, black nail polish, AND maybe we wanted to suck dick, so what!!!! EVERYONE hated us and THAT'S EXACTLY what made us emo!!!! Either we were emo for how gross we were or we weren't emo enough to be good enough for the real emos. Fuck everybody!! Fine!!! Im a fuckign gayass emo!!! Fuck you!!!!

Being labeled emo in 2004/5 in the rural midwest communities I grew up in has been very similar to being bisexual or trans or anything else "in between" in these places, ACTUALLY. (Again, no, it's not a slur lmao. I said SIMILAR.) At least in queer spaces this ambiguity and the VERY purpose of labeling YOURSELF is not lost on most people. Evidently it is still massively lost on cishet emos, though.

I'm not mad at MCR for "talking shit" about emo BECAUSE EVERYONE FUCKING DID THAT. we did that to ourselves just as much as we talked shit about ourselves for being gay, until we came out and were like actually, yes, yes homo. There was enough crossover with MCR and "real" emo bands, and MCR fans/new emos and the existing emo community, that the fact that so many of us found solace in the middle of that venn diagram WAS A COOL THING. It wasn't ever ABOUT who was a REAL TRUE EMO and who was a poser?! The whole point, for us, was rallying against anyone who thought being OURSELVES meant we were being fucking posers. We weren't. We didn't actually ask to be labeled emo initially! We fucking didn't! We were just dumbasses who would wear vampire fangs to school and pour fake blood on ourselves to sick out our normie classmates cus WE liked that shit and we DID NOT CARE for ANYones approval, and MCR was one of those things!!! but it became clear after a while that NO ONE ELSE CARED ABOUT THAT DISTINCTION, and we were gonna get shit for being emo whether we ACTUALLY WERE OR NOT.

I actually agree, what we were doing was WAY more punk in it's own right than anything else. But it wasn't punk exactly, either (some of my friends were as close to punk as this town was gonna see, but at my 2nd high school the punks didn't want the emo kids, either). This was 2004 and it wasn't the 80s/90s brand of emo and it wasn't goth and it wasn't scene. It was dark and gritty and honest and brutal and romantic and a lot of it was very very gay. It had less to do with fitting a mold or a style and more to do with what allowed us to be true to ourselves. So much of it was a refuge to those of us who were hurt and oppressed and traumatized, people who desperately needed communities to talk about our struggles so we could survive.

This SAME GUY talks about what a welcoming space for mental health and lgbt kids emo has been, but then will turn around and berate people for being posers bc we liked MCR. (Also, this dude like, loves Kill Hannah and wears makeup and shit- don't get me wrong I'm all for that- it's just that's PRECISELY the shit that the Classic Emos fucking hated us for and said MADE US POSERS. It's LAUGHABLE, the hypocrisy. shit changes, my dude. words evolve! they can mean two things at once!! He is my age- by the time he was discovering what he considers to be REAL emo, I know, I know for a fact because I WAS THERE, no one thought that was real emo at the time. Fucking no one. No one!!!!! Maybe preps who didn't care either way. He can pass it off as fact on tiktok now bc it's been 20 years but I PROMISE you, even if he experienced pure emo acceptance wherever the fuck he lived, that was NOT reality for most of us who chose to dress like that, and nobody could agree if Kill Hannah was "real" emo either.)

Even 15 years ago when I was young and emo was starting to gain popularity, it had already begun to embody a much bigger umbrella and imply many different subsets of style and music related community that were bound by similar ideologies and similar styles, not by anything definitive. And this MATTERS TO ME as a trans bisexual queer man because emo as I knew it was the first refuge that allowed me to be any of those things!!!! and emo as I knew it involved mcr heavily whether elitists who bitterly miss their Myspace fame are ok with that or not!! Dude can be mad, but it doesn't change the reality so many of us lived!!! For me and many of my friends our lgbt identities are inextricably linked with our experiences being labeled as emo, whether we chose it ourselves, or not, or both. And for many of us those formative experiences had a hell of a lot to do with MCR, too.

Also, I'm not gonna sit here and hear trash talk about MCR puking on thier fans like we weren't the same kids wearing "PUKE ON ME" shirts to The Used (who came w the exact same stigma and bullying despite also being Not Emo). Gerard was incredibly sick during that period and he's never shied away about how bad it was and how much work he had to do to get out of that. He was not proud of it. They never glorified it or wrote it off. It wasn't puking on kids for the sake of being gross like Bert McCracken. It wasn't partying. It was not part of the culture. He was deathly ill with his addiction and being open about that is something that has saved other people's lives by encouraging them to believe they can get help, too!!! To dismiss everything they've done for the mental health of their fans by talking about puking on them reeks of ableism to me tbh and it's not like the rest of this little rant helped that case. (Stigma against addiction is ableism and as a disabled person I will fight you to the fucking death for it. You can't laud emo as a safe space for mental health and then turn around and talk shit about someone's fucking horrific struggle with addiction. For fucking shame.)

I think what is or is not "really" emo is actually an interesting discussion in terms of how the music genre spurned all these subgenres and aesthetic styles and what diverged from there. Historically, THAT discussion has value. I just think it's utterly silly to try and argue that it's not an umbrella term at this point in history. And I do not think it holds ANY fucking value, to anyone, anywhere, to point fingers among fans of different bands and styles of dress in the same fucking neighborhood and play high horse about who's a poser and who isn't. fuck's sake, this dude is almost 30. I liked his other content (he's on witchtok and talks abt the intersection of his style vs his practice, which I love!) but I am so not fucking cool with grown ass adults my age continuing the same petty infighting we engaged in when we were 15. that's bullshit my dude

tldr: don't listen to washed up emos on tiktok, you're not a poser for liking mcr or any other individual band, and I'll meet any motherfucker who disagrees in the alley

[thenightling]

LGBTQ pre-2000s terminology context (for people writing period fiction or reading older literature)

Transexual vs. Transgender:

A few weeks ago someone tried to argue with me that a 1990 comic book use of the word Transexual was offensive. I tried to explain that in 1990 this was the correct term.  They replied was “It doesn’t matter if it was acceptable back then! It’s still offensive!”   But... That’s the point, it was not the offensive term in 1990.  It was the ONLY term in 1990.  

Okay, a little history.  The word “transgender” was only coined in the late 60s and when it was first coined it was by writer Virginia Prince.  Viriginia Prince was an early Trans rights activist and she coined it to distinguish between Trans people who do not have surgery (Transgender) vs. those that do (Transexual).  That was the original purpose. 

Today there is no such distinction, all Trans people identify as Transgender.  But the term was rarely used for the first two to three decades of it’s existence. In fact in the 70s into the 90s most Trans people didn’t even know the word transgender, period.    

In 1990 Transgender was NOT the correct term for most Trans people.  So it’s rather unfair to expect an author to magically know a term most Trans people didn’t even use yet.

Remember, the word meme actually dates back to the 70s.  No one expected its present day use and most people in the 80s and 90s would not have known the word.   Language is slow to change.   And in 1990 transgender simply wasn’t what it is today.   Most Trans people didn’t know the word and if they did it was for Virginia Prince’s use, not the modern use.    

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Bisexual and Panasexual:

Panasexual is a very new term.  It was coined by Freud, yes, but when he used it, it was not a kind word.  It was used to mean sexual attraction to ANYTHING and EVERYTHING, including animals and objects.  The modern usage of open to sexual attraction to any person is still very new in the grand scheme of the English language.  I’m talking “less than twenty years” new. 

Bisexual originally did NOT mean ‘excluding Trans and non-binary” as some people have twisted it to mean.  “But… But it has ‘bi’ in it, which means two,  That’s binary.”    

Back in the 90s we had a joking catchphrase of “I’m bisexual.  That means I’ll try anything once.” It wasn’t designed to exclude.  The term was only intended to include.  Because until bisexual got widespread use there was just homosexual and straight.

The word bisexual is less than a century old.  It’s still relatively new.  In the 1970s when Bowie told a reporter he was bisexual he had to clarify that it does NOT mean having both male and female reproductive organs. (see the book “David Bowie in his own words” published in 1983).  

In the 1990s when Vincent Price’s daughter confronted Roddy McDowell about her father’s sexuality and said “Why didn’t you tell me my father was bisexual?” his response was “We didn’t know the term.  How can you deny something if you don’t know the word?”

I used to identify as bisexual.  Sometimes I still do.  Then it was panasexual.  Now I realize I’m probably demi Pan Romantic.  I identified as bisexual since the 90s and it’s only recently people have started to use it to mean “only binary attractions.”   And I’m so tired of having to explain the history of the word.  That’s the only real reason a lot of older bisexuals dropped the term, because we still remember when the word included everything.  And for many it still does.  We just get tired of explaining it.

__________________________________________ 

Dyke and it’s debatable reclamation:

Dyke was an offensive term for a lesbian.  So was Lesbo but Dyke was worse.   For many over the age of twenty there is still a sense of old wounds with the word dyke.  

In recent years there has been an effort to reclaim the term but unfortunately a lot of TERFs (Trans exclusionary feminists) also latched onto using dyke with pride.  Just look at what comes up right here on Tumblr if you search the terms.  Some of them even denounce asexuals as “not counting.” 

 So I, personally, have mixed feelings about the use of dyke.  I can never tell if I’m talking to a lesbian woman just reclaiming an old slur or someone announcing their hatred of Trans woman and ace.  And mingle that with the memory of teenagehood insults not yet dulled and I’m just still not comfortable with the term, much as I wish I was.

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Other old school LGBTQ terms:

Let me emphasize first these ARE the terms used WITHIN the LGBTQ community.  Not used against / at them, but WITHIN.   

Friends of Dorothy - Usually members of the armed forces who were in the closet. It meant you were gay.   The term’s origin had to do with Judy Garland being an early advocate of LGBTQ rights.  Judy played Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz.    Somewhere over the Rainbow - Used as an early gay Anthem because of Judly Garland’s status in the LGBTQ community. This is also part of why the pride flag is a rainbow.

Bambi - Feminine lesbian that prefers to cuddle rather than have actual sex.  

Butch - Masculine, usually for lesbians. Beard - Wife of a gay man who is still in the closet and using his marriage status as part of his disguise as straight.

Bear - Masculine, hairy, and large gay man. Twink - Feminine and semi-androgynous gay man. Boston marriage (old) - Two women living together as husband and wife, dates back to the nineteenth century.  Formerly acceptable:  Fag hag - I never liked this one but it was a term for a straight woman who was friends with, or supportive of gay men.  You can hear its use in an episode of Will and Grace.  It was meant to be reclaimed but it still feels derogatory to me as if you want to shame the allies.  Formerly acceptable:  Transvestite  - No longer favorable.  This term was used for people who chose gender nonconforming fashions.   Usually a man who dressed as a woman but still identified as a man.  Cross-dresser was also once acceptable.  But both terms have fallen out of favor.   There was a time though that this was the correct term. Transvestite is not to be confused with Transexual (today Transgender).   It was specifically in regard to clothing. 

Queen - Can be used for flamboyant gay man but mostly short for drag queen and often used for someone who identifies as she / her while in feminine clothing and he / him when not (at average usually preferring the he / him pronouns and treating the queen part as a sometimes aspect of their identity).  

King - Reversal of Queen.  

Post will be edited as necessary.