#those earlier days being 2021… man. how time flies.

[withmytailtotheworld]

I need a t-shirt and a button pin that says “I was there for the earlier days of the Jellystone! fandom”

[crystalracing]

Archive: How unflappable rookie Raikkonen took F1 by stormBy:

Jonathan Noble

Sep 26, 2021, 12:25 PM

Kimi Raikkonen is officially on his Formula 1 farewell tour, having announced his retirement at the end of this season. It will bring down the curtain on F1's longest career, currently standing at 341 race starts, a feat few could have imagined when he sat down with Autosport to discuss his rookie season for the 16 August 2001 magazine

Early January. The sun has already set at Ferrari’s test track. Darkness is descending very quickly, but Kimi Raikkonen still wants to get his first taste of the 2001 Sauber. The team put in enough fuel for 10 laps, although with visibility disappearing rapidly there is no way he will be able to complete them all.

The Petronas-badged Ferrari engine is fired up, and the young Finn exits the pits, disappearing into the darkness for his first experience with the new car. The wail of the screaming V10 is heard coming under the bridge near the pits as Raikkonen flies past, flat-out, before again disappearing into the darkness of the first corner. He cannot be seen until the braking zone, when the flames from the exhaust briefly light up the darkness.

After a handful of laps, he is within tenths of the time set by Nick Heidfeld earlier in the day, then he radios to the pits to say he cannot see enough to continue driving. There is incredulity at his performance.

The ease with which he is so instantly on the limit leaves smiles across the faces of all the Sauber people present. But the finishing touch to Raikkonen’s night run only became evident when he returned to the pits. He had been so fearless, so quick and so committed wearing a dark-tinted visor on his helmet.

The manner of that first test has continued throughout his debut season, when solid performances have singled him out as a huge future star. When it first became apparent that he was being courted by the Sauber boss late last year, he was not even expected to get a superlicence. Now Raikkonen has become the man of the moment.

At almost every track this year, but especially the ones at which teams do not test, he is invariably among the top five during the first few laps on Friday. That shows a man able to get himself and his car on the limit very quickly – something that Michael Schumacher does with aplomb. Yes, Juan Pablo Montoya has grabbed more headlines, but the young, slim, blond Finn has got more tongues wagging.

Raikkonen immediately got on with the business of impressing in his rookie year

Photo by: Motorsport Images

Despite the plaudits, Raikkonen remains something of an enigma. If people thought they had a difficult time enticing words out of Mika Hakkinen during his early F1 career, then they have yet to meet the new boy at Sauber. He is renowned for his one-word answers, his lack of charisma in press conferences and his reluctance to mix it with the other drivers.

But he does not care. As far as he is concerned, he was put on earth to drive racing cars very quickly. When asked what he thinks about life in the paddock, meeting fans, signing autographs and speaking to all the F1 journalists, his answer is swift and to the point.

“It is a bit boring,” he says. “I don’t like the paddock. I just want to get on with my work.”

"Sometimes I think things have happened too quickly, but at the end of the day I was in the right place at the right time with the right people behind me" Kimi Raikkonen

Raikkonen really does like nothing more than being in the car. He is the ultimate efficient racing driver – all speed, no talk. He is as happy testing as he is getting results, and he has been completely unfazed by all the attention around him. He has been mentioned no end of times as the eventual successor to Michael Schumacher at Ferrari, but he has let none of the comments go to his head.

PLUS: Why the time is right for Raikkonen to hang up his F1 helmet

He even admits that he does sit back sometimes and feel amazed at how he has gone from Formula Renault front-runner to one of F1’s biggest stars in just 12 months.

“Sometimes I think things have happened too quickly, but at the end of the day I was in the right place at the right time with the right people behind me,” he says. “I would never have thought last year that I would be in F1 now.”

Despite Raikkonen’s cool exterior, things have not been so easy for him this year. He may not want to explain how tough the adaption to F1 has been, but he does not pretend that his achievements have been a walk in the park.

“It has been hard, especially because I didn’t really have any expectations this year,” he says. “There is not really one thing that has surprised me, because everything has been hard. There is not one things I have learned specifically, because I’ve had to learn everything. But it is quite a bit like I expected.

“For sure, for the first three or four races it was difficult in qualifying, and I didn’t really get the best out of the car. That was really the most difficult thing. But the season has been better than I was hoping for. I think the team has been surprised. It’s good.”

Circumstances have certainly helped Raikkonen in his jump to F1 with Sauber. Not only has the team enjoyed something of a renaissance this year, but the family atmosphere and the lack of driver politics have made it much easier for him to make his mark.

His set-up is similar to that of his team-mate, Heidfeld. The telemetry traces show Raikkonen sometimes has an advantage in the quick corners, but that Heidfeld is more consistent in the slow stuff.

“It has helped being here with Nick, because it is better than having to do it all by myself,” he admits. “it has been easier being here, with a family team, than go to a bigger team. Here the people are nicer, and that helps.”

But the real test for Raikkonen will come next year. Jacques Villeneuve said recently that it was very easy for a new driver to maintain performance in the first year of F1, when all the newness gives a racer lots of energy and carries them through. The problem comes in the second year, when it is much harder to improve - but expectations are so much higher. Ask Raikkonen if he is worried about the Jenson Button syndrome and he is at his most candid.

“No, not really. I think for him [Jenson] it is more difficult because he was with one the top teams, and now he is not. It is more difficult because if the car is not right then you need to do more with the car.

“I am not worried about it. For sure I have enough energy to keep pushing, and next year I’ll be stronger because I’ll have some experience. I know from this year what I need to do, and it will be easier because I will know what is happening.”

Raikkonen was heavily linked with a move to Ferrari, although it seemed he would have to bide his time a while longer at Sauber

Photo by: Motorsport Images

Speculation links Raikkonen with Ferrari in the long term – although it is almost certain he will stay at Sauber until the end of 2003, when his current contract ends. But ask Raikkonen about Ferrari and he claims there is no attraction other than the fact that it is the most competitive team at the moment. He does not care where he gets to drive in the future, as long as it is with a winning team.

“It is nice to hear Ferrari stories, but I don’t really follow that,” he says. “I would be happy in one of the top teams, and I don’t really mind which it is. I guess it doesn’t matter if it is McLaren, Williams or Ferrari. It is where you have the best chance to win.

Rinland remembers vividly the Finn’s first test in the Sauber at Mugello in Italy last September. His lap times were not that spectacular, but it was clear from the way he got down to work with the car that he was something special

“You never know if Ferrari are going to go down the order, or who is going to come up and who will win. Maybe it just won’t be those three teams in the future, because we have seen how Williams have moved down and then come back up again.”

Raikkonen’s long-term future is open, and the fight for his services when his Sauber contract ends will be fascinating. Anyone who has seen him drive at close quarters knows all about his abilities.

Top 10: Kimi Raikkonen’s greatest F1 races ranked

Sauber’s former chief designer, Sergio Rinland, left the team at the start of the year, and he does not mind admitting that his biggest loss in the move is not being able to work with young Raikkonen.

Rinland remembers vividly the Finn’s first test in the Sauber at Mugello in Italy last September. His lap times were not that spectacular, but it was clear from the way he got down to work with the car that he was something special.

“It was just amazing,” remembers Rinland. “You could see it in his eyes that he was the man. He probably didn’t do a very quick lap time, but in sectors of the track you could see the difference between a good driver and someone who was trying very hard. The telemetry showed that in some sectors he was right on it.”

Willingness to push from the off impressed engineer Rinland

Photo by: Motorsport Images

Rinland remembers going out to the back of the Mugello circuit during the test to stand on the banking and observe Raikkonen in action. Michael Schumacher joined him and was instantly impressed by the style and speed of the young Finn.

Schumacher rarely compliments other drivers, but there was no doubting his feelings then. The world champion said: “I observed him, and I evaluated his lap times, and I could see he could be a champion.”

Is this young talents Ferrari’s next champion? Maybe. Is he a future champion? Almost certainly.

Raikkonen got his chance in a top car sooner than expected, when he replaced Hakkinen at McLaren for 2002

Photo by: Motorsport Images

What happened next?

Just one month later, Raikkonen's future was decided - and in that moment, he couldn't have been further away from Ferrari.

With double world champion Hakkinen losing motivation and on course to retire - his so-called 'sabbatical' would become a permanent one, barring a comeback test at Barcelona in 2007 - McLaren was in the market for a replacement.

Heidfeld, who had won the International F3000 title as a McLaren-supported driver in 1999, was widely expected to be the man who took the seat, while McLaren tester Alex Wurz was also in the frame.

PLUS: How Raikkonen's rapid rise stalled his team-mate's F1 career climb

But the man McLaren boss Ron Dennis wanted was Raikkonen. Dennis negotiated the Finn's exit from his deal at Hinwil - the severance package allowing the team to build a state-of-the-art windtunnel - and he duly lined up alongside David Coulthard for the 2002 season, coming close to a maiden win at Magny-Cours until slipping wide on oil to allow Schumacher through.

The breakthrough win duly came at Malaysia the following year as Raikkonen almost won the 2003 title with a year-old car, but his two-point deficit to Schumacher would be the closest he'd get to title success at McLaren. The team produced F1's fastest car in 2005, but poor reliability handed the title to the more consistent Fernando Alonso.

And so it was to Ferrari that Raikkonen eventually headed for 2007, fulfilling the prophesy in 2001 that he would take up Schumacher's mantle. The seven-time world champion was effectively forced aside to make space for the Finn, who won the title at the first time of asking in one of F1's most legendary comebacks against the McLarens of Alonso and Lewis Hamilton.

Archive: The ups and downs of Raikkonen's 2007 F1 title triumph

Forced out after two disappointing seasons in 2008 and 2009 to make room for Alonso, Raikkonen took a two-year sabbatical in the World Rally Championship before making a winning return with Lotus in 2012. That parlayed into a remarkable Ferrari return for 2014.

Only one more win would come, in the 2018 US GP, before he was replaced for 2019 by Charles Leclerc to see out the remainder of his career in the midfield - back where it all began at the Alfa Romeo-branded Sauber team.

[fallenfurther]

An old trick

FAB-FIVE-FEB 2021 - Alan

Prompts used: balloon, beach

Finally written this one for @gumnut-logic FabFiveFeb challenge. I had the idea it just took a while to write it down. I’m still pondering over the other ones but I’ll get there eventually, no rush. This is all fluff (on paragraph of minor angst that any parent can relate too) but mainly lots of Alan being a fantastic uncle. Yep, Scott’s cute little boy has wiggled his way into yet another story. Enjoy!

********

Sally flicked through the clothes on the rack, scanning for something new for Gordon and Alan. Both children lived primarily in hand-me-down clothes, but after already being worn by three other boys, those clothes were starting to get threadbare and were falling apart. Most people shopped online these days, but Sally had been dragged out to the shops as a child and it had stayed with her. It was also much easier to get the right size in person.

On the other side of the rail, a red balloon bobbed along, bringing a smile to her face. It was an old trick she had use when Jeff was a child, as he had been prone to wander off, which she had used again with all her grandsons. Alan was still too young for school, so she’d had to bring him with her. Their first stop had been the balloon man, where she had let Alan select a helium balloon, which she had tied around his wrist. Sally could always make an accurate guess at which one her grandson would pick. In the absence of any rocket or space themed balloon, the reddest one would be chosen. Today was no exception, a simple red balloon had been favoured by the boy. That balloon allowed Sally to keep an eye on the wandering toddler. The balloon would bob along at her eye level, occasionally slipping out of view as Alan ducked under something, before appearing again a minute later. Sally hadn’t lost a boy in years using this method, though Gordon had given it his best shot a few times. Thankfully, even he would refuse to lose a fish-shaped balloon. The current red balloon floated around the corner of the rail and appeared to her left along with the blond boy attached to it. Alan was muttering to himself as he pottered along, eyes fixed on the shuttlecraft in his hands.

“Red rocket flies fast to the moon, and lands, and Daddy gets out, and he collects moon rocks….”

Sally knelt down so she was at her grandson’s level, the selected shirt in her hands. Those blue eyes left the toy and met hers.

“I don’t think your Dad’s rocket is red, young man.”

“It should be red.”

His innocence radiated out from his sweet little face and brought a smile to hers. Holding up the navy top, she let the boy judge the picture on the front. His mouth dropped at the sight of the cartoon rocket flying towards the moon.

“How about this one, Alan?”

*******

Alan watched his nephew whiz past on the rollercoaster train. Squeals of glee came from many of the kids and his nephew was one of them. His eyes were large with delight, grin almost reaching his ears as one arm waved enthusiastically at Alan. Alan waved back, a matching smile on his face despite having had both an elbow and bag dig into him in the past five minutes. It wasn’t the fastest coaster on the promenade, but it was the only one that his nephew could go on, and this was his third ride. The boy was so much like Scott. As the ride slowed towards the station, Alan wriggled his way through the mass of parents towards the exit. His nephew ran straight at him with open arms. Alan knelt as best he could in the crowd and gave the boy a hug.

“Again, Alan, again!”

“No more. I said it was the last time.”

The child’s lip puckered slightly, and Alan knew what was coming, though this time he had a plan. Before the situation deteriorated, Alan bargained.

“No more rollercoaster, however I did spot the teacups earlier. How about we go spin around really fast on them?”

“Really fast together?”

“Exactly, we can do it together.”

An enthusiastic nod was his nephew’s response as a small hand slipped into his. Alan gazed at the boy with a proud smile, gripping the hand tightly as he led them into the crowd. It had been Penelope’s idea to come to the beach with the boy and Alan agreed it was a great idea. Grandma and Penelope were enjoying one of Weston-super-Mare’s finest tearooms, while the boys had fun exploring all the old-fashioned attractions. Weston-super-Mare had once been a popular seaside resort and had been restored and embellished to reflect its heyday. It was now considered a fantastic family vacation destination. Alan hadn’t expected it to be this busy though. Rare, good weather had coincided with the school holidays leading to an increased number of visitors.

They continued forward gallantly, people jostling Alan’s shoulder as the rushed past the slower pair. When his nephew was once again knocked into him by another unapologetic patron, Alan knew he had to act. Slipping his hands underneath the boy’s arms, Alan lifted him into the air and onto his shoulder. Fists clenched clumps of Alan’s hair as happy feet banged against his chest.

“I can see lots.”

“Can you see the teacups?”

Alan gripped the boy’s ankles and started weaving at a faster pace. He tried not to bump against others and paid particular attention to the ground, so he didn’t hurt any children.

“No.”

It didn’t surprise Alan, the teacups were around the corner out of sight, but it got his nephew glancing around. Despite him being a little young for a lot of the rides, they were still having a great day. As they turned a bend a small hand waved and pointed in the top of Alan’s vision.

“Alan, horses.”

Following the outstretched arm, Alan could see a horseracing game. With no time limit, and his own curiosity piqued Alan headed over to the stall. An enthusiastic host was commentating on the progress of the nine metal horses as they jolted towards the finish line. Before them, nine people frantically rolled balls up stages towards coloured holes. The person at position five pocketed his ball in a blue ringed hole and horse number five moved forward. It was second in the race and almost at the end. Unfortunately, number three crossed the line to the sound of a ringing bell.

“Yay!”

Clapping came from the bouncing boy on Alan’s shoulders. People started to leave their seats as the horses reset to the start and Alan twisted to look up at his nephew.

“Want to give it a go?”

“Yes.”

Alan grinned as he took a seat at stage four. Number three was still occupied by the previous winner. Carefully, he lifted the child from his shoulder and settled him in his lap, shifting so the boy could reach the balls at the bottom of their run.

“Alright you lovely ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, all you gotta do is roll your balls up the run, so they fall in the coloured hole….”

The attendant came along as he spoke, and Alan tapped his watch to the card reader. Glancing down at his nephew, who had a ball in his hands, he braced his legs against the wood and slipped an arm firmly around the child’s waist. The ball was raised up into Alan’s face, making him twist away.

“See the coloured holes?” Alan pointed up the run, “when the bell rings, we have to get the balls into those holes. That will make our horse move. Our horse is the green one with the four on its side. We have to try get it to the finish line.”

Those blue eyes were locked on his as the child nodded, before wriggling as he reached forward with the ball. Alan picked up a ball with his free hand and held it at the bottom of their stage, ready to roll it at the holes. The bell sounded and they rolled their balls up the green felt. They both missed; Alans going too far and his nephew’s falling short.

“Grab another and try again,” Alan encouraged, holding out the third ball for his nephew. It was taken and rolled, tapping the side of the yellow ring before coming straight back to them. Alan grabbed another ball and rolled it up, pocketing it into a yellow hole. This nephew had another go, but this time Alan rolled another ball just after. When his nephew’s ball started rolling backwards Alan’s banged into it, bouncing it forward again and making it fall down a yellow hole. The boy bounced, clapped and giggled at the same time.

“Keep going. We can do it.”

Alan grinned as he rolled a ball up the stage and it went into a red hole, bring a cheer from his lap. They started to get into the swing of it, his nephew occasionally rolling a ball hard enough for it to teeter on the edge of the yellow rings. They were both having fun when the bell rang to signal a winner. Alan was a little sad it was over. Lifting his head, he could see their horse was in last place, but he’d learnt long ago it wasn’t always about winning. Their horse had moved. Pointing at it, he made sure his nephew knew how well they had done.

“Look how far our horse got!”

There was a gasp before those blue eyes were sparkling up at him with pure joy and longing.

“Again. Again.”

Alan laughed, holding out his watch to the attendant. Half the seats around them changed hands. Grabbing the balls, the pair were ready when the bell sounded. All Alan could hear were the giggles of his nephew as they rolled balls up the felt together. When the bell tolled, their horse was once again last, but it had moved further.

“Again. Again.”

“Last time, buddy. We still need to go find the teacups.”

“Yes!”

The toddler was already focused on the holes, ball in a poised hand. Alan had managed to get the feel of it, as well as getting into a rhythm, so was over the moon when their horse was third from last this time.

“Again.”

Alan shifted backwards, pulling the child away from the stage and prepared to stand.

“No. It’s time for the teacups.”

The pout came, as it always did. Apparently, it made the child resemble a younger version of himself, which explained why strangers often mistook Alan for the boy’s father. Before they could leave the attendant lent over the stage and held out a small cuddly bear to the boy.

“For being a good sport.”

“What do you say?”

His nephew had the bear in his clutches, the pout having been replaced with a smile.

“Thank you.”

A large, dimpled grin was projected at the attendant, who chuckled and waved goodbye as they left. Heading into the ever-bustling crowd was much less fun. Alan was elbowed almost immediately but he could just about see the teacups between the people. As they made their way through a crossroads in the stalls, a bag was thrust into Alan and he instantly let go of his nephew’s hand to push it away.

“Hey, watch it.”

“Sorry mate,” was grumbled back, the owner walking away without a second thought.

Alan glanced down, hoping to grab his nephew’s hand, only for his heart to stop. He twisted left and right, eyes searching for the boy. It had only been a second, yet he was gone. People continued to push past as panic started to build. He couldn’t lose him. Alan called out the boy’s name, moving here and there around the streams of people. There were so many children, so many small faces he had to scan to find the one he wanted. As the seconds ticked by, worry descended over Alan. He called out again, straining his ears against the noise around him.

“Alan!”

It was a quiet cry, but it was all Alan needed. He headed towards it, and sure enough, there was his nephew, tears streaking his cheeks and falling into the fur of the teddy clutched to his chest. Alan grabbed him, pulling the boy into a fierce hug as relief flooded him. Alan fought the tears that threated to fall from his own eyes.

“It’s okay, buddy. I got you.”

Scanning around, he tried to get his bearing and let himself calm down. His eyes caught a glint of sunlight and his gaze settled on its source. A memory came to mind. Carrying his nephew, he headed back into the fray.

******

A lovely girly afternoon tea with Lady Penelope was just what Sally had needed after being on the island for so long. Penelope was always good company, and it made a welcome change from her grandsons. Refreshed and relaxed, the pair headed down to the seafront with Parker in toe, to find the boys. Alan had messaged her their location, thankfully with enough unique details for them to easily find their way. He had become a fine young man.

Sally’s eyes scoured the seafront as they neared the stated location. She smiled when she spotted them, her heart melting at the picture. Alan was sitting on a bench with his nephew in his lap, both eating ice cream as they looked out over the sand. Matching smiles on their faces confirmed they had had a good time too. What surprised her most was the two balloons floating above them, gently tapping each other in the light breeze. The silver rocket attached to her great grandson made perfect sense, what child didn’t love a helium balloon? But the simple red one attached to Alan’s wrist puzzled her slightly. It sent her back in time to the young boy who always chosen red. Maybe he remembered it too.

[robron1609]

Robron Week 2021 - Day 1

Meet-Ugly + "That's not an explanation."

New Beginnings

(ao3 link)

Aaron’s eyelids fluttered like a candle in the wind, the hustle and bustle of the city pecking away at his head with a sledgehammer. The bitter taste of ale, the fruity taste of wine and all the combined spices of every spirit known to man were stagnant on his tongue as he peeled his damp limbs off the leather sofa beneath him.

He let out a dry cough and it felt like someone had shot him in the brain during his sleep. But other than that, he was as right as rain.

It took him longer than he would care to admit to remember that he did, in fact, not own a single item of furniture that had even an inch of leather on it, and he lived in the in the middle of bloody nowhere where the only thing (apart from his mother) that made him shake a leg in the morning was the bellows of Moira’s cows when their troughs were being topped up.

So, there’s that.

His brain caught up and he bolted upright, his whole face moulding into a sculpture of what, where, when, how and why. He took in his brand-spanking-new surroundings; a lavish penthouse overlooking London’s skyline, decked out from head to toe in a fusion of ultra modern and industrial pieces. Not really his style, to put it nicely. It looked like something straight off the front page of one of those overpriced interior design magazines on the top shelf of David’s shop that no one ever bought.

Aaron could only hope that whoever lived here was some bloke he’d pulled in the haze of last night, if it wasn’t then… what the actual fuck was he doing here?

When the room had stopped spinning on all its axis and Aaron was eighty-nine percent sure that he would be able to hold his vomit in if necessary, he braved the hallways in search of other life. He detoured to stand in front of a back-lit mirror that had beckoned him over, and he was introduced to his reflection. It gawked right back at him, dressed in nothing but a pair of neon yellow boxers and a Scottish flag that he was wearing as a cape. The flag was fastened loosely around his neck with a frayed shoelace and there was a big tear down the centre of it.

Jesus fucking shit. Absurd didn’t even begin to cover it.

Sweat dripped down his top lip when he heard a deep voice through the wall. He teetered around the corner until he was close enough to pick up most of the words.

“I won’t be in today.” There was a pause. “Does it fucking matter?” Nice manners, then. “Look, unless you want me hurling all over the new contact, I suggest you grow a pair and attend the meeting without me.”

Aaron gripped the glossed door frame, his clammy hands squeaking on the wood as he snuck a look at who the voice was coming from. The man was stunning. He was all sun-kissed skin, choppy blond hair, and a gorgeous mouth that dipped dramatically in the corner.

“Shit!” With a jolt, the blond dropped his phone and it landed on his face with a mocking smack.

“Sorry-”

“Why are you in my house?!”

“I’m Aaron.” No shit, Aaron.

“That’s not an explanation!”

“Sorry.”

Aaron cringed. All of a sudden he was big on apologies, apparently. Blondie was now sitting up, scratching the fluff on the nape of his neck as he shuffled out of bed and adjusted his duvet accordingly whenever it slipped below his waistline. He just glared at Aaron, waiting to hear something that made sense.

“I was kinda hoping you could tell me,” Aaron said, using all of his self-control to stop his eyes from drifting downwards. “My head’s mashed. I remember being on the train with Adam and Vic, and then-”

“Vic as in my sister Vic?”

Aaron just stood there, catching flies. “I- I dunno, I think so. Sugden?”

“Uh-huh.”

Ohhhh, Robert Sugden. Aaron finally put a name to the face and felt like giving himself a pat on the back.

…..

“Here you go. Extra strong.”

"Ta."

Aaron warmly accepted the cup of coffee, the steam flying off it and dissolving in his pores. He used the piping hot liquid to swamp down some paracetamol before tightening the strap on the dressing gown that Robert had lent him a little earlier with a side-eye and a grumbled, “Make sure you give it back.”

With the current cycle rumbling the machine into the ground, Aaron glanced at the digital timer displayed on the appliance. Just forty-eight minutes until he could grab his screwed up clothes, slap them on, and leg it to the underground with his tail between his legs. The longest forty-eight minutes of his life, no doubt.

Hoping to make a crack in the ice, Robert led Aaron to the scene of last night’s crime. Through the sliding doors, across the patio and up the spiral stairs, secluded in the corner and illuminated by the steady flicker of the firepit. Robert was surprised that it hadn’t burnt out in the early morning under the April showers.

The rooftop terrace was what sold this place for Robert. It was his haven, complete with everything that made his superficial heart weep. This morning, however, it looked how he felt.

He absorbed the aftershocks of his party (shards of glass littering the outdoor table, remains of finger foods welded to the deck, and a pair of nude stilettos abandoned on the bar) and sagged. Turning thirty was dismal enough without having to clean up after his colleagues. Or, as he liked to call them, a bunch of wound up, hoity-toity pen pushers who didn’t even know his middle name—just a sniff of free booze and they were squeezing into a Ralph Laurent polo that still had the label on, and patting him on back with a bout of boisterous laughter as if they were best mates.

Wow, he was in dire need of some proper friends.

Aaron propped himself up on the bar. “Bet you don’t get tired of this,” he said, looking out at the sparkling city.

“It’s a great hangover cure,” Robert said, nursing his Americano and watching the ripples dance over the surface as he lightly blew it. “It can be lonely, though,” he admitted, unsure as to why. This handsome and hungover stranger was just waiting for his ticket out of here, he didn’t want or need to become Robert’s agony uncle to fill the time, that was for sure.

“Why’s that?”

Oh. Perhaps Aaron, for one reason or another, cared. Or he’s got nowhere else he needs to be and Robert’s left him with no choice but to sit and listen because it's the polite thing to do. Aaron looked at Robert all doe-eyed and Robert wanted to stay here until he’d told Aaron every single intricate detail of his life up until this point. But that seemed a little crass.

“Don’t know, really. I just… don’t like to be alone with my thoughts, I suppose. And being up here, well, it’s a whole lot of that.”

“I know what you mean,” Aaron said. “How long have you lived here?”

"Nearly two years on the whole." Robert calculated, Aaron giving him an amicable nod in response. Robert licked the coffee froth off his lips, clearing his throat. "I've lived in London a while, though. Since I left the village, pretty much."

"And you never thought about going back?"

"I couldn't." That would mean looking back. And after the trail of destruction he'd left in his wake, that was never going to happen. They were better off without him. Or at least his Dad and Andy were. Vic and Dianne never stopped reaching out, however, offering their support through texts and unanswered voicemails.

Aaron changed the topic, sensing that Robert's internal trip down memory lane wasn't a smooth ride. "You heard anything from Vic and Adam?"

"They were both flat out in the spare room last time I checked," Robert answered. He'd been less than pleased to find them entwined together on top of the duvet, dead to the world as Adam slobbered away on the satin pillowcase like an excited dog, and Vic let out a mishmash of unconscious sounds from sniffles to whistles, her makeup crusty and her outfit dishevelled by a night's sleep in it.

"Vic had a whole itinerary planned. Some museum, Leicester Square, and then this ridiculous hipster coffee shop near the station," Aaron said with a dreary eye roll. "Even though our train leaves just after two."

"She's just excited. She doesn't come here often."

"'Suppose not."

"Anyway, I recommended that coffee shop so you better not miss it," Robert said. Aaron snorted because of course he did. "Come on."

Robert rose, perking up a bit as he stretched his arms until they clicked with satisfaction. Aaron followed in his footsteps, literally, but they stopped in their tracks, coming face to face with a rumbled Victoria.

She looked dead and alive all at the same time as she swung her phone about. "There they are, the newly engaged couple."

Robert choked on air and Aaron gave him a splash of side-eye before snatching Vic’s phone. "What are you on about?" And Aaron had to check that the digital date displayed in the top left corner of the screen wasn't April the 1st. Nope, it was indeed the 23rd. And under that was a Facebook post on his profile; a blurry, backlit photo of him and Robert flashing the camera with two rings that didn’t even match, accompanied by a slurred caption.

yayy ENGAAAAAGED! whoop whoop!! hears to many many many many many year <3

Aaron groaned, throwing his head back in sheer embarrassment when Vic grabbed a hold of his and Robert’s left hands. Sure enough, the rings were still there. “Oh my God,” she cackled, her voice like a siren in the middle of the night. “This is brilliant. A few more of those cocktails and you’d be halfway to vegas, ey?”

Robert massaged his temples, kneading roughly at his dry skin. “Whatever’s in them is lethal,” he grumbled, peering over Aaron’s shoulder as he watched him scroll through the comments and squeeze his eyes shut in disbelief at each one.

“It’s your bar, mate. You should know what it’s serving,” Aaron said. He had a point. “Let’s just pray we left it at cheap rings.”

(Aaron couldn’t even begin to fathom at what point during the party he and Robert had fled the penthouse and ended up at a jewellers of all places. Who’d thought a proposal was the perfect end to a not-so-perfect night? Who’d taken that photo? And who in their right mind was selling giant fabric flags in the early hours of the morning? It would be a miracle if he becomes sober enough to answer at least one of those questions.)

Robert pouted. “That’s a shame. I’ll cancel the tickets to Vegas, then,” he teased.

“I dunno, I could do with a holiday just to get over the shame.” Robert grinned at the younger man’s flirty tone.

“Cheers,” Robert scoffed. Aaron handed the phone back to Vic who watched the pair with a knowing glint in her eye, her head bouncing back and forth between them.

“Only joking,” Aaron said. “Could be worse.”

Vic pocketed her mobile with a yawn and tightened her ponytail. “Right, I’m gonna drag my lump of a boyfriend out of bed and start gathering our stuff. I’ll leave you two to plan the wedding of the century, shall I?”

Vic left the rooftop, her flats scuffing all the way down the metal staircase. Robert gulped down the remains of his coffee and turned to Aaron with a smirk.

“So, fiancé,”–Aaron shot Robert a fiery glare which, if Robert didn’t know any better, would leave a bruise on his ego–“I know a great place where we can get some brunch. Why don’t we ditch Vic and Adam and I’ll drop you off at King’s Cross after.”

Aaron pulled a face. “ Brunch? I’m not paying £8.99 for a plain scone.”

“My treat.” Robert offered, hoping that would seal the deal.

“Like a date?”

“If you want it to be.” Aaron paused for a beat, not that there was ever much to contemplate.

“Fine.” Robert didn’t miss the bashful smile taking over Aaron’s face. Robert bit the inside of his cheek when Aaron began to descend the stairs. He crammed his hands in his pockets, his heart going into overdrive as he kicked his feet into gear.

[rothane]

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Gang violence, violence against women and violence in general. Nothing super graphic and it’s honestly mostly just fade to black and implied, but just to be safe. References to arson and housefires in part one.

NOTES: Technically the first half should have been posted a week ago but I did not get that far lmao so now it’s just all in one. I didn’t proof read so good luck ig.

TLDR; The man Georgia shot last week approached Ro for help in the hospital parking lot and she turned him down; a week later the Rogues beat her ass.

FEBRUARY 5, 2021 / MIDNIGHT

With fires breaking out all over town, the medical center had been all hands on deck. Rowan was sure she broke every traffic bylaw in the book on her way there, hastily dropping all four children off with her parent’s and barely managing to give them a rundown on what was happening. Her heart felt like it was in her throat when she left, unsure what kind of fresh hell she was going to be walking into when she got there and trying to plan for the absolute worst case scenarios. House fires are always tricky. She has a hard time putting herself in her patients shoes, finding herself walking a balanced line of emotional and professional while she keeps it together for all of their sake, even if she knows she’ll cry when she gets back in her car at the end of the night. It’s getting exhausting --- every day seems like it just brings a new battle for them, and honesty she isn’t sure how much longer the town is going to be able to stay standing.

Her shift at the hospital goes by exactly as she thinks it will. She holds herself together amongst all of the tragedy, delivering care to her patience with professionalism and empathy for their situations. It’s difficult to leave them at the end of the night, knowing that they’ve just had their entire lives ripped out from under them. Harper doesn’t have a home to go back to tomorrow when she’s released, the last memory she had of her fiance having literally gone up in flames right in front of her. Her niece will be staying at the hospital for at least a week, if not longer. Her little body has taken far more damage than it should have, leaving her lungs compromised and her breathing in need of assistance. Rowan knows, sadly, that this is only the start of a long journey of recovery for the little girl not to mention her brothers and her mother, who are all sure to have some sort of PTSD from the ordeal. Part of her doesn’t want to leave at all, knowing that her best friend and her sister could both use the support of her there but honestly, she’s running on fumes and she just can’t stay there any longer. So she makes her rounds and says her goodbyes, promising to be back in the morning and takes her leave.

When she finally makes it down to the parking lot, she’s so tired she isn’t paying attention to her surroundings. It’s something that she can practically hear her husband scolding her about, but in the moment all she can think about is going home, taking a shower and sinking into bed for the next six hours. She’s pulled from those longing thoughts, however, at the feeling of a hand on her shoulder. She nearly drops her keys, letting out a yelp as she spins around to see who it is. She doesn’t recognize either of them. A man and a woman in cuts she can only assume say Rogues on the back of them, the man clearly in need of medical attention as what looks to be a bullet wound on one of his arms seeps blood onto the concrete around them.

“He needs help.”

Rowan barely hears the words over the sound of her heart beating in her chest and she’s already mentally calculating how long it will take her to turn around and get into her car. She’s pretty sure she can outrun them, given the state the man is in but she has no idea if they’re armed or not -- though she has a feeling it’s leaning more toward the former.

“He needs to go inside. The doctor on call will take care of him.”

The response that comes is what she had been expecting, but she backs up enough that her back is against the SUV when the woman begins speaking again. “We’re not here to have a paper trail followin’ us. We know you work for the club off the books. You’re gonna do the same for us.”

Before Rowan has a chance to properly respond, the man makes a noise of pain. His partner is distracted, giving Rowan a window of opportunity to make her move and within a split second, she’s slamming the door behind her as she gets into her car. A second later, the door handle is being violently yanked on, and she glances out the window to see the man slumped against a car a few rows away and the woman banging on the glass.

“If you leave now you’re gonna regret it.”

But it falls on deaf ears, shaking hands moving to put the car into drive, tires screeching as she flies out of the parking lot and watches her figure get smaller in the rearview. For a moment, she wonders if the whole thing had been some kind of exhaustion induced hallucination, sure that something like that couldn’t have actually just happened. But the blood streaked handprint on her window is a difficult reminder that, unfortunately, it had been very, very real. A string of curses leave her lips before taking a deep breath, fighting off the urge to vomit and while she wants to head straight home, Rowan knows better. While she had only seen two people, who really knows just how many members of the Rogues had been there and she picks up her phone to call Ryder while taking random turns on the off chance that someone is tailing her.  Ten minutes later she finally gets home, Ryder having met her in the driveway and his presence is more than enough to keep her from completely losing her shit.

FEBRUARY 14, 2021 / 7 PM.

Rowan is late --- something she doesn’t do very well with. A follow up appointment with a patient from a few weeks ago having gone over time and left her scrambling to change out of her scrubs and into her dress in her office bathroom. When she finally comes out, still struggling to get her shoes on, she can tell the prospect who has been stuck with babysitting duty is anxious. It’s clear in the way he checks his watch for the third time since he sat down in the patient’s vacated seat, and the way he can’t stop bouncing his leg.

“You got a hot date waitin’ on you, Todd?” She teases him gently, and his cheeks flush with embarrassment.

His voice is higher than usual when he answers back, sheepish and uncharacteristically shy at being called out. “My girlfriend. She made dinner tonight, and she’s not a real patient lady.”

“Sounds familiar,” she snorts in response, finishing the buckle on her shoe and slipping her jacket up and over her shoulders. Todd is still just a prospect and obviously has a ways to go before he actually finds himself patched in and able to give his girlfriend the Old Lady title but if she’s as impatient and stubborn as he has lead her to believe over the weeks, Rowan has a feeling she’ll be able to hold her own more than well enough.  “I’ll make you a deal, once we get down to the parking lot we can part ways. I’m just goin’ over to the restaurant anyways, there’s no need to follow me.” It’s clear that he’s about to protest, surely going over the laundry list of threats her husband has made over the last month and Rowan is quick to interrupt. “It’ll be our secret. If you make it home on time maybe you can still get lucky tonight.”

And that has him embarrassed enough that the poor kid doesn’t bother arguing anymore. Instead, they take the elevator down to the main floor where Rowan signs out and they take their leave. His motorcycle is parked next to her car, and they exchange goodbyes and Rowan gets in one more teasing jab about him having a goodnight before the two of them take separate exits. The drive to the restaurant is less than twenty minutes, and Rowan figures if she speeds, she can make it in twelve. But judging by the flashing lights behind her, she has a feeling that hadn’t been her greatest idea. She curses under her breath, pulling over to the side of the road as what she assumes is a police cruiser pulls up behind her. She fumbles to get her license and registration out after rolling the window down and she’s already spewing an excuse when someone approaches the door.

“I know I was speedin’. Sorry, office I---”

But it dies on her lips when the person leans forward and she sees the same woman from a week earlier. “Hey sweetheart. Remember me?”

The words have her blood running cold, but before she can think of an escape plan the familiar feeling of fingers tangling in her hair pulls her back to the moment, her face coming down with a harsh blow to meet the steering wheel. “You should’ve just helped us when you had the chance.” Rowan’s already disoriented, though she begins to fully panic when her door is flung open and she is pulled from the vehicle. After that, everything seems to be muted and dark, she’s barely aware of what is going on around her and she passes out after only a few moments. Two hours later, she wakes up back at the hospital --- this time finding herself in a paper gown and a hospital bed, a heart monitor beeping steadily beside her.

[365days365movies]

February 3, 2021: Sleepless in Seattle (1993)

The year: 1986. A small new fictionation is founded as part of a disparate group of similar territories. Near to another civilization founded by Woody Allen (we’ll get to him later this month, whoof), a new settlement was founded by one Nora Ephron. It began with Heartburn, a rom-com starring Meryl Streep and Jack Nicholson. While it was somewhat successful, it wasn’t exactly a dynamo by any means. And that is when Nora met the future Empress of her fictonation.

Her name was Meg Ryan, and the film...was When Harry Met Sally.

Ephron only wrote this film, rather than direct it. But it didn’t matter, as this film was CRAZY successful (and I’ll be watching it later this month). Some years past, and both Ryan and Ephron rose in power. Ephron became a director, Ryan became a movie star, and the two pillars would reunite for greater things. And THAT is when the future Empress met her Emperor.

Enter Joe vs. the Volcano, where Meg Ryan...met Tom Hanks.

Now, was this movie amazing? No, not from what I’ve heard. But the two new co-stars apparently made an impression on Hollywood at this point, as their respective stars would only grow brighter. And so, when 1993 came along, the three pillars finally met, and ascended to their true roles as the rulers of a now united Holy Romance Empire. And that film...was Sleepless in Seattle.

Time to witness a nation RISE. SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

We start where all romantic comedies should start: at a Chicago graveyard!

Architect Sam Baldwin’s (Tom Hanks) wife, Maggie, has sadly passed away, leaving Sam and their son, Jonah (Ross Malinger). Sam’s clearly broken, understandably, and he decides to move from Chicago in order to leave behind the bittersweet memories of his wife. And where he’s headed? You know where.

Jimmy Durante’s rendition of “As Time Goes By”

Jimmy Durante sings us in (I love this song, for the record), and we head not to Seattle, but to Baltimore, 18 months afterwards. There, reporter Annie Reed (Meg Ryan) is going to a Christmas party with her new fiancée, Walter Jackson (Bill Pullman), which is announced to great aplomb at the party. Her brother Dennis is played by Niles from Frasier (David Hyde Pierce), and I nearly spit out my sandwich.

That night, Annie’s mother gives her her old wedding dress, and have a VERY frank conversation about their sexual relationships. It is...awkward. Anyway, the dress tears, which Annie sees as a sign. In any case, she still seems happy...I think. On the way to Walter’s parents’ place, she tunes into a radio talk show, where a child is making a Christmas wish to the station.

This child is, of course, Jonah, calling on behalf of his father from Seattle. He tells the host, Dr. Marcia Fieldstone (Caroline Aaron), that his father is lonely after his wife’s death, and that he wishes he had a new wife. She convinces Jonah to put him on the phone, and while he’s reluctant to do so (understandably), he accepts. All the while, Annie’s listening, and seems to sympathize deeply with him and his sarcastic responses.

However, Sam begins to open up, and Dr. Fieldstone christens him “Sleepless in Seattle,” after the fact that he doesn’t sleep much at all these days. His story resonates with a number of people, Annie included. A few people call in to respond to him, and at the end of the call, he describes how much and why he misses his wife. And I gotta be honest, I’m with Annie here. It is...very moving.

Damn you, Tom Hanks, it’s only 20 minutes in, why are you already making me FEEEEEEL?

The next day, it’s a splash, and over 2,000 women call in in response to this. This is discounted by her co-worker and friend, Becky (Rosie O’Donnell). At the New Year’s party soon after, she and Walter make a date to meet in New York City, and register for their eventual wedding. Meanwhile, Sam tucks Jonah in to sleep, as Nat King Cole serenades us (I ALSO love Nat King Cole, real talk) and Sam stares at the fireworks off of his houseboat.

And, mentally haunted by the ghost of his wife, he’s seemingly literally haunted by the ghost of his wife, Maggie (Carey Lowell). The next morning, he goes to help a client, Barbara (Dana Ivey), and his co-worker Jay Matthews (Rob Reiner) with a house, and finds out that everybody knows who he is at this point. Additionally, Jonah also give the radio station their address, and MANY women are now soliciting Sam, including...his third-grade teacher. Ew. EW.

Sam and Jonah next have a talk about whether or not a prospective new wife would have sex with Sam, and I wonder if sexual conversations with your parents are supposed to be this common, or if I’m just crazy. Because me and my Dad? Nuh-uh. And no worries if your relationship with your folks is like this, but mine DEFINITELY IS NOT, lemme tell you.

Annie and Walter prepare for bed, and Ray Charles sings them to sleep, followed by Carly Simon talking about the wee small hours of the morning. During those hours, Annie gets up, also unable to sleep, and turns on the Dr. Marcia Fieldstone show. During the highlight reel for the show, Disappointed in Denver notes that:

Everytime I come close to orgasm, he goes and makes himself a sandwich.

...Wow. Um. Asshole? And then Marcia tells her to make a sandwich for him beforehand, WHICH IS NOT SOLVING THE PROBLEM. Anyway, Sam is also featured in that highlight reel, and Annie cries again as he talks about his wife, and it’s a disproportionately long excerpt compared to the others, what the hell? Marooned in Miami is DISAPPOINTED now.

Annie goes to meet her brother Niles (he’s basically Niles from Frasier, seriously) the next day, and explains that she’s fantasizing about Sam, a man she’s never even MET. She’s also feeling doubt about her upcoming marriage, which is...interesting. I’ll get to that later. In Seattle, meanwhile, Sam asks Jay what it’s like as a single man in Seattle, and they have a conversation about how cute Sam’s butt is. Nice.

Upon the realization that his 9-year old son is hanging out with more girls than he is (yeah, there’s a kid named Jessica hanging out with him when Sam gets home, it’s awkward), Sam’s back in the saddle again (as the song indicates; that said, goddamn is the music choice on the nose sometimes, seriously). He calls a woman named Victoria (Barbara Garrick), and asks her out on a date.

Annie’s watching the movie An Affair to Remember (lateeeeeer) at Becky’s, as she’s lamenting her fixation on Sam, while also struggling to fully understand how she feels about Walter. Becky RIGHTFULLY accuses her of believing in Hollywood, movie love, which is demonstrated by Annie’s meaningless platitudes about her supposed love for Walter. This is while she’s writing a letter to Sam, then aborts it when she realizes what she’s doing. She sits on the couch with Becky, they mouth the words together in the movie, and they cry while I laugh, because that was funny.

Things aren’t as jovial for Sam and Jonah, as Jonah’s had a nightmare, and the two reminisce over missing their mother. Sam notes that Maggie could peel an apple in one long...curly...strip. You mean...like Annie was doing earlier? I see what you did there, movie. I see what you did there. As if to compound their invisible connection, both of them sit on a dock, staring into two separate oceans at night.

Sam proceeds to write a story for the paper on “Sleepless in Seattle,” and through some...mildly creepy personal invasion, she finds his address in Seattle, and a hell of a lot more personal information. Like I said, it’s a little creepy. Sam, meanwhile, is going on a date with Victoria, when Jonah opens a letter...from Annie.

Annie. What’re you doin’?

Jonah appears to IMMEDIATELY ship the two, but Sam quotes the coast-to-coast distance as being a bit too much, and goes on the date with Victoria. While on the date, Jonah tries to hook Sam up with Annie by getting him to agree to take them to New York City on Valentine’s Day. Damn, Jonah, you lookin’ to escape a whale, because you are BUILDING A GODDAMN SHIP

Victoria, a woman with an amazingly obnoxious laugh, does not rub off well on Jonah, or me, or my girlfriend. I’m really hoping that somehow, in SOME WAY, Victoria and Walter get together. He’s boring, she’s obnoxious, who knows? They might like each other. My ship...is being built.

Jonah, meanwhile, is TAKING THE FUCKING WHEEL of this ship. He calls the radio station once again, and Annie is alerted to this by Becky. She wakes up, punching Walter in the process (dude gets HURT), and goes downstairs to listen. Jonah’s telling the station that Victoria SUUUUUCKS, and straight up calls her “a ho.” He hangs up abruptly, and screams to stop his father from kissing Victoria. Annie, meanwhile, listens to this in the closet for some reason.

The next day, Jonah’s friend, Jessica, tells Jonah to send a letter to Annie on his father’s behalf. Meanwhile, Annie flies to Seattle in the guise of doing a story, when she’s actually going to try and meet Sam. Victoria, meanwhile, is leaving from the airport, where Sam and Jonah are seeing her off. Victoria basically implies that she’d like to ditch the kid and go fuck someplace sometime, which might FINALLY rub Sam the wrong way.

Sam talks to Jonah about the fact that he’s dating Victoria, not marrying her, and that she might not be the one for him. He also says that there’s no such thing as soul- 

-mates.

Yeah, they actually did just do that. Sam loses Annie at the airport, after immediately chasing after her. They’re perfect for each other, as Annie goes RIGHT to Sam’s houseboat address. She hangs around the neighborhood, and sees them having fun on the beach together as Harry Connick Jr. plays in the background. That night, she confides in Becky about her guilt in lying to Walter.

And if I can just say this...yeah, THAT isn’t great. I get that there’s some cinematic paegentry to the whole thing, but, like...tell your FIANCEE about your FEELINGS. It’s hard, yeah, duh, but YOU GOTTA DO IT. You most certainly owe it to Walter. At least she appears to know it, though.

Annie at the hotel

The next day, Annie goes once again to weirdly spy on Jonah, and sees him hug a woman very happily, and of course believes that that’s Victoria. However, this is his friend, Suzy (Rita Wilson), who’s visiting with her husband, Greg (Victor Garber). In any case, this leads to Sam and Annie seeing each other for the first time. He says hello. She says hello. Then she almost gets hit by a taxi, and she IMMEDIATELY flies back home WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUH

We find this out later, but the taxi and the fact that all she could say was “Hello” is actually all a reference to the film seen earlier, An Affair to Remember (again, later this month). This is also part of the repeating motif that this film has: signs. Y’know, the kind of “IT’S A SIGN” thing. However, the real twist here is that the signs are the ones that they can’t see. Like the apple and the hello thing. Not yet, anyway.

Also, dear lord, An Affair to Remember is just making EVERY woman in the film cry, even when they’re TALKING about it. And every time, the men just look at each other like “WOMEN, with their EMOTIONS and their VAGOOOOOOS.” Jesus, ‘90s movies. Even JESSICA (Gaby Hoffman), Jonah’s friend, the LITTLE GIRL, is crying at this movie. JESUS, I’m really interested in seeing this movie now.

Jessica and Jonah start conspiring on how to get to New York to meet Annie, and do so by FAKING AIRLINE TICKETS OK THEN. Meanwhile, Annie’s given up on the whole “Sleepless in Seattle” thing, and goes to meet Walter for their Valentine’s date in NYC. Walter rightfully comments that Annie’s seemed distant, and here’s the thing: Walter deserves better than this. Yeah, he’s BORING AS SHIT, but the dude’s committed to her, and she’s amazingly flaky in comparison. I dunno, maybe it’s because it’s Bill Pullman, but I feel bad for him.

Anyway, in New York, the two begin to rekindle their relationship, and Walter gets a ring for her at FUCKING TIFFANY’S HOLY SHIT. Meanwhile, Sam’s THIRSTY AS FUUUUUUUCK, and is leaving to spend the weekend with Victoria, which Jonah is NOT a fan of. This ship is gonna SAIL if JONAH HAS TO FLY TO NEW YORK CITY HIMSELF

So, Jonah flies to New York City himself, in order to...meet his new mother. This movie has some VERY interesting issues, Jesus. Jonah does, indeed go to the top of the Empire State Building to look for Annie, and he asks all the girls on the Observation Deck if they’re Annie. Which, of course, none of them are. Why?

Annie’s at dinner, that’s why, and at the FUCKING RAINBOW ROOM DEAR LORD HOW MUCH MONEY DOES WALTER MAKE? Sam also makes his way to New York, probably to DESTROY HIS CHILD

And at dinner, Annie actually redeems herself by telling Walter the ENTIRE TRUTH about her feelings, and about “Sleepless in Seattle.” And Walter is a CLASSY-ASS GUY ABOUT THE ENTIRE THING, and the two break off their engagement amicably. Annie says that she doesn’t deserve Walter, and BY GOD SHE’S RIGHT. Walter’s a sweet dude. And as soon as they break up...a sign.

Sam finds Jonah on the Observation Deck, and the two tearfully reunite. And as they two unite, and everybody else leaves the Observation Deck as it closes for the night, Annie rushes on her way there. An Affair to Remember is invoked one last time, as Annie convinces the guard to let her up there. But, OF GODDAMN COURSE...she goes up in one elevator, and Sam and Jonah head down in another.

But wait. Isn’t that Jonah’s backpack on the ground of the Observation Deck? 

Yup. THERE’S the happy ending we’re lookin’ for. They finally formally introduce each other, and Sam says that they’d better leave...ALL of them, together. Love at first sight. PLAY US OUT JIMMY DURANTE!!!! And yeah, I know that Celine Dion sings the end credits song, but NOPE! TAKE ME AWAY, JIMMY! MAKE ME HAPPY!

And that was Sleepless in Seattle! And again, I liked it! I’ll get more into it during the Review!

[alsparaarchive]

𝑺𝒖𝒓𝒑𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒆 / Alex & Sid

Date: February 7, 2021 Location: Alex’s Winter Garden home in Florida

Summary: Sid flies back after a game with a little surprise for Alex but boy does she have a bigger one for him. “Charlie is yours, Sidney... she’s ours.” 

Date Started: February 5, 2021 Date Completed: still in progress 

Alex Vacant.. it was the only way to describe how Alex went about her day. She was almost glad Sid wasn't around to witness the shock and distress she was in but knowing he would be back is what flared up every ounce of anxiety her body was capable of producing. 99.99998%... she couldn't even tell you how many times she stared down at those numbers on her phone from the email she received that morning. At first she was ecstatic, so relieved that the one person she would've chosen to have a child with in the first place was actually Charlie's father but with all that came the crippling realization that Sidney didn't even know there was a possibility. She had stolen so much time from him out of fear that she wouldn't be his and her worst nightmare was finding out after Sid already thought he was and having to take that all away from him. There was no right way to go about it, not really, just the way she did it and perhaps the way he would've preferred she done things which of course scared the fuck out of her. They had finally gotten back to this good place, she was happier than ever with the way things seemed to be going between them, and now this? She knew this would strain them, that there was a strong possibility he would hate her once she told him and that's what kept her so distraught all day. For most of it she felt paralyzed, almost nothing she wanted to get done was accomplished including fixing herself up and changing out of her loungewear from the night before but at least Charlie's basic needs were tended to. It's just that she wasn't her usual self with her daughter; She wasn't bouncing around and playing with her like she normally would. She couldn't, her mind was too preoccupied by running the million different scenarios of how telling him could possibly go. She knew which one she hoped for but the footballer was a realist, she knew the chances of that were next to none. Alex debated calling her mom or her sisters for advice but it didn't feel right that they would know before Sidney. He deserved to be the first and so every time she picked up her phone to call or text one of them she just sighed and put it back down resisting the urge to throw it against the wall. She was at such a loss and didn't know the first thing to do with herself. The brunette hadn't cried yet, just stewed in her anxiety which only seemed to get ten times worse the moment she saw headlights through the curtains in her living room — him pulling into the driveway. She wasn't ready but was this really something she'd ever be ready to tell him? Alex took a deep breath trying to shake out the nerves before he came inside. She didn't want to make it immediately obvious especially without knowing what kind of mood he was going to walk through the doors in, that would probably play a very key factor.

Sidney It was good to finally be getting out of New York. Sure, there was still one more game to be had on the island, but for now Sid was coming back… home. It was surprisingly how quickly his brain had taken over and filled in the gap for him. Not that he minded. It was true. Which was probably a little crazy, but Sid just didn’t care. He liked where his head was at right now with Alex. Clear, decided… optimistic. Yes, long gone was that false narrative he’d convinced himself of, that he needed to be unhappy… that he needed to spend a life without her… just because she’d had a baby with someone else. Or that even before then, that she didn’t want him as much as he might’ve wanted her… No, he wasn’t doing that to himself anymore. He’d made up his mind now. So, when Alex had mentioned the idea of maybe moving in with her and Charlie for the rest of the season, he’d hadn’t hesitated to say yes. It wasn’t like he hadn’t already planned on making her a set of extra keys for his Pittsburgh house for Valentine’s Day… or anything…. “Yeah, mom it’s me… I’m with Alex in Florida— I don’t know if she’s got— okay, okay I’ll check... sure, yeah I’ll give her your number again. I’m sure she’s still got it— oh your new number, okay…” hadn’t he called her? “Mom, I needed to know if you and dad were going away in the— uh, because we might be— yes, mom… Alex and I, might be making a trip… no, I don’t think… okay, I’ll ask…” he tuned out. Connecting eyes with another man sitting opposite him, who seemed to share his pain and gave him a sympathy smile after mouthing the word ‘mom’ in his direction. “Yeah, yeah… look I’ll call you next week and we can talk about it some— yes, mom. I’ve met Alex’s baby… I don’t know? A baby. She’s cute, funny… a baby?” What did his mom want him to say about Charlie? She was acting like Charlie was — ‘Flight 55 to Orlando, Florida is now boarding at Gate 48.’ “Mom, I’m boarding… I’ve got to go… I’ll call you. Love you too.” He snapped his phone closed. Grabbing up his carry on; this time with more than a couple of shirts he wouldn’t mind losing to Alex inside of it and a penguins onesie for Charlie, as he walked over to the first class check in and got on board. He would’ve liked to sleep on the flight down, but the idea of seeing Alex in only couple of hours kept him energised… He felt like he was some sixteen year old kid finally getting to see his girlfriend again after spending the entire summer away at some Hockey Camp… he was ‘giddy’ Which seemed a little embarrassing now that he’d put a word to it, but he couldn’t find another… at least not one as accurate. After picking up his rental from the airport kiosk, he made his way over to the BMW, throwing his bag in and heading off in the direction of Alex’s address. By now the guards knew just to wave him in with a smile, so it wasn’t long before he was pulling up outside her house and grabbing his bag back out again. Walking inside with the aid of the key she’d given him a few days ago, Sidney looked around and smiled when he saw her. Giddy. He dropped his bag… walking over to her… his smile big and goofy… but he didn’t care, “hi.” Hands wrapping around her he enveloped her into a hug before his hands found her face and he pulled her lips towards his own… “mmm…” he pulled back, his thumb brushing over her cheek, just before… “hold that thought…” Or kiss. Whatever was about to come up next between them, because he had a surprise. Walking back over to his bag he dug in and found the onesie he’d got management to help organise earlier… “okay close your eyes…” he wasn’t sure if she had or she hadn’t, but he didn’t mind as he turned back around and placed it in her hands… “surprise!”

Alex A good mood might've been expected but this... god, the way he lit up walking through those doors and seeing her face. Alex's heart both swelled about six times and then plummeted all the way into her stomach. She wished so badly she could be as giddy as he was about their little reunion even if it had only been a couple days but she was still too anxiety stricken to be even half as energized as he was about the whole thing. Still she smiled when he wrapped his arms around her and she did the same, rubbing his lower back with her hands as they hugged. She wished they could stay like that so much longer, let her find some comfort and maybe some air to breathe but just as he was quick to pull her in, he was pulling away and going in for a kiss which would've been just as nice had he not stopped it to go grab whatever surprise he had for her. More sweets from the airport maybe? This is where Alex's giddy little laugh would've come in, she would've shut her eyes with the biggest smile on her face and asked what it was before he ever got the chance to put it in her hands. Maybe he'd know something was wrong by the way she stayed silent instead; she did close her eyes as requested but there was nothing as she waited, almost just as vacant as she'd been all day. When Alex opened her eyes she felt as though she had taken a cleat to the gut, the wind completely knocked out of her. It was too adorable the way he was now always thinking about Charlie, too. In his mind she wasn't even his and yet here he was doing things like /this./ It shouldn't have been so overwhelming but given everything it was so much more than she could handle and brought the striker to her breaking point. "Sid.." tears overflowed in her eyes and for the first time maybe ever since crying in front of him she didn't try to stop it. She couldn't. She felt the soft fabric in her hands, her fingers running over the Penguin's logo as she tried desperately to collect herself and her thoughts. Maybe if she had kept her cool she could've enjoyed being with him a little bit before having to tell him but now that didn't seem like much of a possibility. "Sid, I have to tell you something." Her hand slid down his arm, taking his hand in her own and lead him over to the couch. "You should probably sit down." She knew how precarious it all sounded but how else could she possibly broach the subject? She went over it all day in her head and still had no idea the right way to tell him. As he went to sit down Alex picked up her phone from the coffee table in front of them and re-opened the email. She sat down next to Sidney and held his hand, taking a deep breath. All she had to do was get it out and once she did he'd know. Their lives forever changed. It felt unfair of her to do this to him not knowing if it's a way he would have wanted his life to change but it's not like she had been ready for a baby either when she found out she was pregnant, not that it made this any better. Wiping away some tears, her hands shaking, she began to speak. "I'm not sure if you ever really did the math. If there was ever a question in your mind, a tiny inkling or anything? Because if there was you've never expressed it and I guess that's probably because you assumed I would've told you." She realized she probably wasn't making much sense so she reeled it back in. "I didn't want to tell you without being sure and up until the other night there was no way of me being sure because we weren't in each other's lives but I swear I'm telling you this the same day I found out. I didn't want to hide it from you I just... Sid, I don't even really know the right way to say this but ... "she held out the phone to him showing him the email that very clearly stated it was a paternity test with a 99.99998% match. More tears falling now as he was probably starting to put it all together in his mind. "Charlie is yours, Sidney. She's ours.."

[tessatechaitea]

Justice Society of America #6 (1993)

Weak as an asthmatic kitten in light!

Do cats get asthma? I'd hate for somebody to fact check and discover I once said an incorrect thing! My reputation as a staunch teller of ultimate truths is on the line here. Anyway, if it turns out cats can't get asthma, I was speaking euphemistically and you were too dumb to understand that. Dumby. I don't want to call my readers "dumby" but you remember that part about me being a staunch teller of ultimate truths? Well, sorry to reveal something your parents were too cowardly to confide to you. I was too busy contemplating how incredibly fucking cute and sweet a little coughing asthmatic kitten would be pay attention to the cover of JSA #6. But now that I've really looked at it, I'm confused as to why Doctor Mid-Nite is beating up zookeepers. I hesitate to assume the reason is that he's blind because that would probably be ableist. Maybe he was just molested by zookeepers as a young man. An aside: the family member I admire most on Facebook is the one who posts absolutely nothing about anything but every now and then unlocks a badge from Untappd.

Is this an historically accurate Nazi uniform? It looks like she's trying to make the shape of a swastika.

Ugh. I can't believe I just became one of those people who put "an" in front of "historically." It's weird how a little bit of side-boob can make me start thinking, "Were the Nazis really so terrible?" But this is a fictional world where they actually weren't that terrible! They even had a giant war Ferris wheel that would roll around ravaging the world and genociding people. Kind of exactly like a carnival, really. In the real world, Nazis were super bad and they are the villains of every action movie ever set from 1938 to, I'm assuming, 2021. I'm sure we're right around the corner from a Wicked-style Broadway musical from the perspective of Adolf Hitler where the audience learns that he wasn't really the bad guy the earlier protagonists made him out to be. If you don't want that to happen, you'll probably need to go back in time to murder John Gardner before he writes Grendel because I'm pretty sure that's where this whole "let's examine the life and motivations of the bad guy outside of the light of the previous protagonist's propaganda!"

I was thoroughly anti-Nazi when I began reading this comic book but these side-boob arguments are really winning me over.

How are the JSA going to win me back to their side?! They only have one woman on the team and Hawkgirl doesn't ever show any side-boob! I'm afraid America is about to fall and all I can think is, "Hee hee hee. Hee hee hee. Boobies." The Justice Society flies in to spout some patriotic garbage about liberty while The Flash beats up all the Nazis during the first third of the speech. I wonder if The Flash ever gets emotionally exhausted having to bear so much of the load of battling the bad guys. It's a good thing he's not one of those jerks you always wind up working with who never wants to do more work than the next guy so he always works as slowly as possible. But the problem in blue collar work is that most of the people you wind up working with are that guy! So their work output winds up being that of the lowest common denominator. Imagine if The Flash was one of those guys! He'd have to wait for Doctor Mid-Nite to throw a smoke bomb and fist fight a guy for five minutes before The Flash would take out his man in one second (after standing around for four minutes and fifty-nine seconds). The battle goes poorly for the Nazis which I'm elated to see because, you know, proud patriot here and all. Boo Nazis! Boo? Boob! Nazi side-boobs! Go Nazis! As the Nazis nearly defeated, they launch a huge bomb at the White House (which is where this fight is taking place because the Nazis are trying to kill Roosevelt).

"Look! Up in the sky! A noise!"

Yes, you perverts. That's the leg of the side-boob Nazi on the left and if I'd scanned a little bit more, you would have had a nice crotch shot. Sorry to disappoint you, horny nerds. Green Lantern lets the bomb explode on a big green patriotic shield because the Nazi's were too dumb to make the bomb out of two by fours. Wildcat says, "Yay!", as Roosevelt watches through a nearby window. His nurse, Nancy, approaches him slowly from behind. She pulls a Nazi pistol on him, full of Nazi bullets! It looks like the end! But then a bag of sand hits her in the side of the face and she forgets to pull the trigger as she says, "Gast! I'll...ooooh!" Then she dies, I guess? The Nazi story was being told to Jesse Quick by Alan and Jay. It was never reported because the American populace is too weak to hear certain news items. Why when we think about a population as a whole, we attribute all of the worst attributes to them? Cowardly, stupid, irrational. Why don't we think, "I would react fine to that news so I'm assuming everybody else would too." Instead, we simply assume everybody is a bigger and weaker jerk than we are. Weird that I'm as cynical as you can get but I'm somehow not as cynical as the average person? No, no! I'm more cynical! I just use my cynicism for good!

He didn't say that, Jesse. What he might be trying to express though is that coming down hard on criminals when much of the crime is driven by systemic problems resulting in an abundance of poverty for which the government takes no action to mitigate might be a bigger evil than the crime itself. Much of crime is a symptom of a bigger problem that is harder to fix so people ignore it and try to just hide the symptoms by putting them in jail.

Alan just doesn't quite have the words (or the real world experience of the 60s, 70s, and 80s because he was in Valhalla) to express how the constant lowering of taxes on the upper brackets of income have caused the slow destruction of the middle class by allowing CEOs and upper management to keep more of their money instead of reinvesting it into the business because they'd rather improve their business than give away 99% of their income after a certain point to the government. And by allowing them to keep that money, they stopped putting it into the business which meant salaries stagnated, pensions disappeared, and health care was no longer an automatic company benefit. I'm sure that's what he was getting at though. Jay's wife interrupts so we can finally see she exists six issues into the series. Alan's beard, Molly, also arrives. You might be wondering why "Jay's wife" is only "Jay's wife" but you shouldn't ask me that question. Ask the comic book who thinks I'm supposed to remember her name from whenever it was last mentioned, if at all. Maybe Linda? Let's just go with Linda. The Justice Society is on a ship because they're headed to Bahdnesia which doesn't allow plane travel in and out of its country. That's probably because air traffic control would be a nightmare with all the genies flying around. That was a joke but I bet it's the actual reason as well. Oh! It's Joan! Ted mentions it to Al after he gets tangled up in his deck chair while wearing an ice bucket on his head. I think Al might be having some old person cognition problems.

Nothing suspicious about a country run like a well-armed Applebee's.

Doctor Mid-Nite decides to check behind the scenes to see what's going on. The place is run like Disneyland so he enters the employee only backstage section to investigate. He's eventually attacked by some guards (see the cover!) and his story ends mid-fight. Meanwhile, Ted winds up climbing into a boxing ring to stop a fight that he believes is a huge mismatch. He knocks out the big guy even though the big guy doesn't necessarily mean he's the bad guy. Ted is basically interfering in a business transaction or, even worse, a staged event! Which means he climbs in the ring and begins beating up one of the actors. Guards also swarm him and he thinks, "What are these guys doing here?!" As if what he's doing is just fine and dandy. Didn't he hear the announcement about how nobody breaks the rules here? This is why! They get swarmed with violent guards! Justice Society of America #6 Rating: B-. Nothing says "The titular team's best days are behind them!" like a story where the only interesting thing that happens happens in a flashback. The whole cruise and island exploration part of the story was a big snooze. And it only ends in two members battling guards who are only doing their jobs to keep the JSA members from breaking the rules. Poor guards are going to get their asses whooped when they're only doing their job! I'm totally into the whole "I was just following orders" excuse thanks to the unbeatable side-boob argument.

[ratherhavetheblues]

INGMAR BERGMAN’s WAITING WOMEN “The distress button is broken”

© 2021 by James Clark

     Our film today, Waiting Women (1952), will forever be understood as only a “minor” effort due to being an early film in Ingmar Bergman’s history and therefore supposedly lacking in the full sophistication of those titles having convinced the ‘experts’ to be the best. Here’s the difficulty of that position. There is no evolution of his gifts. They began exploding world history from day one, and have marched across many decades in hopes that his dramas would find those aware that a catastrophic myopia has left planet earth to remain a “minor” phenomenon.

Within such strictures, the artist has shown that even a dying planet can supply light years of fruition. The way of such supply is truly majestic. As we touch upon our early hope today, we soon realize that one of Bergman’s most rich manifolds has spread its dark and persistent invitation to us at this site. Three women, waiting in a fine Swedish summer cottage for the annual arrival of the spouses, they being Marta, Rakel and Karin, have a mind to entertain their friends with vignettes of their past. (Before hearing this remarkably candid series of earthquakes, we have, for the asking, other such women occupying those names, in other films by Bergman. Another Marta, having been a professional symphonic musician, and going on to [feebly] transcend the pitfalls of showy skills, appears in the film, To Joy [1951]. Another Rakel, having been a professional actress on the stage, and going on to declare that the theatre is shit and sees fit to commit suicide, appears in the film, After the Rehearsal [1984]. A Karin, having resisted heavy pressure from her family to become a solo cellist, opts for being a very small-town classical orchestra player, which leaves her a pariah and seen to be responsible for her father’s suicide, appears in, Saraband [2003]. All three films are discreetly shot through with incest.) Waiting Women, deletes the arts in favor of big business. But incest races apace  there, and its malignancy brings corporate advantage and pedantry to a fresh critical perspective.

By way of a tonal cue, the preamble pertains to very young children being hidden in play along the shore and thereby a worry. The kids embrace the hidden side, and gently (this being the area of gentrification) reap a scolding from the forces of pedestrian safety. Later, when dusk falls and the mysterious forest and sky are given a quick view, the darkness speaks to no one on the premises.

Not that the startling is entirely absent. But, as we get down to business, the startling, here, brings dangers of serious destruction. The aspect of incest in the few films we find ourselves in the midst of, consists of only one of the ravages bearing down upon a population rife with crude advantage. Once again, as so often, our guide tries to take us by the hand and confront the ravenousness needing to be outmaneuvered. These films do not present the traditional soothing which mainstream film viewers crave. In sharp contrast—along with scintillating drama—we meet an endeavor as to an unsung ontology (an unsung dynamics), where mathematics are not the rule and paradox go to school, forever! The several surprising approaches punctuating the scenario, with touches of cosmic, ironic force, offer the viewer a highway of daring, not for shut ins, not for pedantic, “intellectual” craving.

   Those worried women compose a gaggle of patricians (the credits showing a rococo idyll), being a major target of Bergman’s critique. This film, in fact, being a vigorous scrutiny of that social power-play, rotten to the core. The women at the seashore are in anticipation of the arrival of the moneybags about to grace an instance of idleness and lavishness. They think to improve—one of them cursing her fate about a dull spouse—by commiseration in the failings of their households. In doing so, the women reveal that their attentions are, with a slight exception, feeble. But this being Bergman, strengths also reign, to possible rich enlightenment.

   With the rubric in the air, “It can’t be meant to be that way,” Rakel, addressing the group, begins with, “You’re not as unique as you as you think…I remember the day Eugene and I were forced to wake up and face the situation. It was both ridiculous and appalling. But that’s nothing to talk about…” More naïve interjection insists, “Why not? We can learn something about each other, and thereby make it easier living together during our vacation and maybe afterwards as well…” Rakel—a lady with a bombshell—takes a breath and remarks, “Well, if you want to… It was two years ago. Eugene and I were alone out there that summer. Eugene was writing his history thesis, and I took care of the house. Upstairs and idle at her mirror, her brother Kaj walks in. ‘Good day, little Rakel.’” (The relationship is never explicit, but on the other hand it is crystal clear.) “Where’s your wife?” she demands. His statement of fact is, “She can’t make it. She didn’t feel well with her pregnancy.” Another statement of fact is by Rakel, namely, “Eugene has gone to town.” (Kaj is there for another going to town.) As to Eugene’s studies, the visitor sneers, “Colossally interesting!” She maintains, “Eugene has always been interested in antiques”[and their capacity to deliver quiet treasures].  That he’s despised by the affluent family having to keep Rakel and her supposedly useless husband afloat, becomes another “Colossally interesting” juncture, namely a license to make love to his sister. He fondles her neck. And soon, after feeble resistance, they share a passionate kiss. He continues, “You’re just like when we were kids. You’re as soft and indulgent. Just as pretty and fragrant. And just as flushed and irritated afterwards.” Her stance, as it veers crazily, comes to, “No, thanks, Kaj. That’s good enough.” (She goes back to the dresser and her image in the mirror flies wild and ignored.) “You’re probably talented and wonderful; but I’m very much in love with Eugene…” He, not to be fooled upon this matter, quietly rebuts, “I can tell by your nose that you’re lying.” She feebly cries, “I really do love him… Get away… And you have a wife…” The unrepentant crasher ridicules his sister with, “You have pangs, Rakel, yes, of morality.” This hard-core soap opera says very little of interest about those in action, but very much about a planet needing to drop dead. Nostalgic Kaj perseveres with, “They [the pangs] are located in your stomach, and can be operated on like your appendix… Have you told your husband we were in love when we were young?” (Apparently the matter had been smoothed over by illusion that they were only toddlers.) He rushes to her gut. She holds him there. (Far less emphatic is her spiel. “No, it’s madness! Don’t you understand? It can’t be like this.”) A fiery kiss follows. He’s brought his swimming trunks and they come to the boat house. She locks the door. Before she takes a swim by way of an egress in the floor, he tells her  of a couple whose intensity of lovemaking kills them. He adds, ‘They had strokes… It’s a moral story. It shows the danger of longing.” He claims to be citing Freud. (In Saraband [2003], another bizarre Freud note is struck. Bergman’s seeing the famous exponent of sensibility to be bogus. Rakel calls Kaj’s story “dumb.” His point being that fooling around is the best policy.) Do you remember the time in our childhood when we laid here in the sun completely naked, and compared each other’s shape? We were eight years old. You remember…” She adds, “And [my] dad knocked on the door and said we weren’t allowed to be alone. He had a big hat. And that night there was a thunderstorm. The flagpole snapped in half and burned up.” (Poetry and the putrid intense.) Rakel’s painful appreciation of the “dumb” is too little and too late. “I’ve only been unfaithful toward Eugene once before. It was completely wrong. It will always be completely wrong for me. Something is probably wrong with me. I don’t know. Eugene becomes impatient and berates me.” She looks at Kaj. “Do you think it’s strange?”/ “No, not really…”/ “It was the same time I was unfaithful, needing warmth. I’m probably completely hopeless. Even though I do everything Eugene wants, neither him nor I are happy… When you grabbed me up there in the room, and pressed your head against my stomach… it was so strange [now not completely wrong?]. You have to be nice to me.” Kaj the reasoner, promises, “I’ll be just like you want.” He kisses her shoulder from behind. Fade to the moonlight on the water. The water’s stature. Their statures elsewhere.

  Next day the roaming brother-in-law bests Eugene at shooting targets at a bull’s-eye. The unflappable intruder sees no need to be modest about his shooting. “I can crown myself champion now.” (Champion of what? Champion of destruction being too gutless to grow up? Certainly being useless in managing dynamics.) Earlier that day, Rakel had mastery of their sailboat. An athlete, but incomplete. Eugene is surprised to hear that Rakel was skittish in a blustery sea. Over drinks she smashes her glass. “It’s disgusting, disgusting, disgusting…,” she shouts. (Eugene is alarmed.) She asks Kaj, “How can you? What kind of a man are you?” His response is spot on: “A bastard, like everyone else. Nothing.” She counters, “No, you’re a coward. A terrible coward.” (A moment to savor a hilt of human corruption.) On the winds of her courage, Rakel flashes out, “That’s why I’m going to tell Eugene that we cheated on him today… You think I enjoy sleeping with you, don’t you? Because you’re a nice, talented and considerate lover. But let me tell you something, Kaj. You disgust me. And you’re not a good lover… You only love yourself. Only yourself, and nobody else in the entire world. Only yourself.” He retorts, “If I’m disgusting, so are you, my dear, Rakel. (Bergman in full flight. A nuclear meltdown, as only he could frame it. And a toss away of melodramatic hopelessness. All in the service of taking the step away from dotage to religion and science, and their pedantry, their advantage and their flaming cowardice.) The incestuous patrician insists, “You needed that. Eugene always denied you.” (Maybe he didn’t find intercourse the most important thing in the world.) “And I gave it to you. And now you mock me afterwards…” (A case for an ombudsman?)

   The aftermath comprises a triumph of sorts, in making what some folks call reality. “You slept with him?” the bookworm asks./ “Yes, Eugene, I cheated on you. And I’m not asking for your forgiveness.” Eugene’s fragile notion of pedantry does not stomach full bore errantry. “You have destroyed my entire existence. You, the only person I ever trusted.” He swings into divorce matters which do not maintain the pepper. “The one thing I can’t stand is to be exposed to others” [to fail in pedantry and advantage]. He suddenly covers his face. Rakel kneels by his seat. “What is it? Can I help you?… Can you realize that we have to try and get through this together. We have to forgive each other. I know we can, if we want to, you and me.” (His mind turns to, “I should probably have a talk with Kaj’s poor wife. It’s unnecessary for her to walk through life unaware, like I have.”)  “Don’t do anything you might regret.” At this point we have an impressive form of blustery sea within their hearts. As to regret, Eugene can’t resist saying, “You’re one to talk! If I wanted, I could kill you. It would feel liberating.”/ She tells him, “You’re just a bastard! I don’t know what’s become of me, but I’ve probably gone mad. Why should I help you? I’m not your property that you can treat as you want.” He rushes toward her. He grabs the gun and runs out to a nature he doesn’t deserve. After a farcical rescue by a more measured soul, the latter floats the dubious notion, “The worst is not to be deceived but to be alone.” As we slog through this hugely presumptions, and not all that unusual family, “to be alone” seems pretty good.

   Back in “real time,” Rakel tells the ladies, “We shouldn’t be affected by men’s silly need for prestige and secrecy. We should talk to each other more openly and more often.” As to her unusual background and tastes, discretion reigns questionably. “You might think the story seems ridiculous. And it probably is.” But does “ridiculous” well cover the action. (In another episode to come, at another family gala, the leading light of the corporation is heard to describe Eugene being the black sheep of the family.) Rakel and Eugene subside to near paralysis. But Rakel, the fountain of small gifts, thinks their lives to be quite fine.  She’s asked, “Are things better now than before?”/ “Probably not,” Rakel admits, “for Eugene, but for me.”/ “How do you mean?”/ “I’ve come to realize that Eugene is my child… It’s my duty to take care of him. I feel sorry for him. He suffers greatly from what he calls his meaninglessness… Yet he means everything to me now.” The ladies call this “beautiful.” (She adds, “Sentimental, maybe. I don’t know. But Eugene is my meaning in life. We support each other in that way… It’s very simple.”

   A little turn around the coffee table, and we have Marta, “Kaj’s poor wife.” “Since Rakel has been so brave [another unsound description] to tell of her awakening, I’ll have to show some courage and tell about mine… It was in Paris, three years ago.” Some exacting structure is in play here, due to, not one, but two flashbacks. The Paris incident coming later, while being  chronologically first; the Stockholm incident, with Marta in her eighth month of pregnancy to Kaj, coming to us first. Her first statement is well put: “I had suspicions… I was awakened by the contractions…” She drops a water glass and reaches down to her lovely feet and hands. Those digits could be, if not the most, at least an almost equal to the most important phenomenon in sight. But it takes another, more daring, black sheep to make it shine. She primly packs a small bag and a rather large, framed photo of Kaj. (A premature birth on tap.) Someone, at the frosted glass door, appears and disappears. “There had to be an explanation. Yet I was overcome by a paralyzing fear of dying. And my loneliness was suddenly the loneliness of death ” (Many years later, with the film, Face to Face [1976], that apparition becomes active as a black sheep whom the protagonist needs to know well.) The other singularity is her kitten, whom she palms off to the cares of the maternity department. (Never neglect an animal. It’s your better.) The Marta in the film, To Joy, turns out to be overdependent to family ease and middling skill. Already, in this episode, we hear Kaj (AKA, Martin) unwelcome (the message from Eugene). “Don’t you want to answer? You can’t treat me like I’ve committed a crime… Don’t toy with me. I didn’t know better…”/ “You are the way you are, poor thing. I never want to marry you.”

   Waiting in the hospital for her baby to come, Marta has a reverie of the Paris days. The shadows of dancing leaves on the wall of her room become the dancing women in the cancan dance hall. “I was in Paris again, and in that awful nightclub.” (Young and snobbish.) Splits; but real splits take more than that. Her date is a G.I. who bores her. She has some trouble getting away from the man’s man in order to win a bottle of champagne by holding her thighs around a two-frank piece. Another rich youngster at the club, namely, Kaj, who, Hollywood style, was her neighbor at the hotel, and easily seen to be more saucy than the date, attracts her that night at the Toulouse-Lautrec shrine. She adds, “The Swedish painter who was always so diligent with his paintings, not to mention being of the same language.” (You can, however, have the same wording, without having the same language.) Back at the cancan, the “diligent” had sent a server to her table delivering a becoming sketch of her and the stiff being a Rocky Mountain goat. (Always about advantage.) Marta, from her poor little rich girl perspective, opines, “I had to admit that his indifference toward me irritated me…” (“He was cute.”)

   From there, we have an episode inspired by Audrey Hepburn. She ditches her overreaching date by escaping the parked taxi in leaving the champagne bottle on the street to lure him being left on the pavement, while she returns to the cab and the hotel of the “cute” stranger, the strange romantic. Reaching her bohemian vantage point, we notice the hotel’s name, “Le Tournant,” (the turning)—far more complicated than she had ever imagined. (The enterprise next door to the hotel is called , “singed chops.”) Passing the landing, she enters her room and finds that the lamp doesn’t work. Darkness that she could never have imagined. (She tries a second lamp, only to find nothing—her future.) Moving to the window she’s confronted with a fantasy moonlight. (The moon, a bright curtain and Marta. A task of friskiness never touched. Nevertheless, she raises her arms in some kind of triumph.) That was the moment for Kaj to pounce, carefully. Something comes under the door. She grabs the paper and hears the beginning of his orders. “Open the door, but only a crack.” He presents her with a glass of wine. While she sips her wine, he recites a poem. “Marta is a blossoming tree. She is as bright as a little fish./ Why are your eyes so sad, Marta?” (Perhaps the touch of moonlight presented a problematic he would never know, being a confirmed “Nothing.”) “Your true love is sitting outside, rippling your door in the flickering moonlight./ Right now my love has no limit. Yes, eternal is my love at this moment…” She feels that her unique daring has begun to reap its rewards. (Advantage all over Paris.) “Let me be,” the dubious friend gushes. “Let us play in front of the poor, the sick, the terrible… Let us play in front of death itself… My sister (sic), my bride, my blossoming tree.” He adds some fiddling on his guitar. Then he presents her with a small sculpture in her image. She ventures into the dark hallway, where his hand is illuminated from a strange source, and the arrogance from him, as supported by her, begins the train wreck.

   The whirlwind romance is not without rare beauties of the City of Light. Despite their various superficialities, a strain of ambiguity gives them a fleeting pass of frisson. They begin their tour at Sacre Coeur Basilica and its links to real art. The alphas commandeer a horse-driven cart, setting off their march to the Arc de Triomphe, where serious sacrifice may be noticed. The play of sunlight and shadows from the foliage institutes something deft and loving, far beyond their concerns. At a stand of large, magnificent trees two dead presences along the Seine where they had rented a rowboat. At a lull for a nap in the bottom of the boat, Marta’s thoughts return to her other adventure. The preamble of the departure finds her leaving a gynecologist’s with a big smile on her face. She’s close to the river and immediately goes up to a baby and her mother, enjoying a warm, sunny day. She smiles to the baby, and the baby smiles to her. But when an elderly man also enjoys the company of the baby, Marta, losing her sense of priority, quickly leaves with an angry look. (At the end of the film, we’ll find Marta making a disinterested, generous decision. It is the capacity to make such a gesture, after many faux pas, which matters in this saga of dynamics, where families don’t count. On the other hand, we have the inexplicable mystery of the vanishing of Marta’s child. At the outset of  her episode, Marta’s parents are mentioned going on a vacation. Do they cover that drama?)

   The two are routed by the “iconic” family. (“Martin has chosen the wrong occupation.”) Marta, lost in the shuffle, chooses not to tell of their baby. The sweaty arts at the maternity ward now take over. The waterfall on the Parisian canal reshapes to the birth. Filtering out the strong from the weak becomes a labor that never ends. The nurse encourages Marta to count to five. Another venture consists of that figure at the door, only for grown-ups. (Her baby seen trying to fathom her mother. Squeezing her face. Kaj joins in. He kisses her.) Marta’s baby at the maternity ward. She glowing…  First simple moments of a long, difficult life.

Back at the coffee table, a perception- deficit looms. “That was a real nice story.” (The flashback of this depressive romance is not only outrageous, but it’s lacking in strict temporality.)  The matter is saved by adding, “But why did you end up marrying Martin?”/ “I love him.”/ “You should have lived on your own with your child and fought for yourself. That would have been style!” The opinionated speaker is Maj, Marta’s young sister. She continues, “You ruined it by compromising.” The jumbler argues, “Life isn’t so stylish, dear.”/ “Life is what you make of it.”

   On that note, Karin, wife of the CEO, prepares the women for not having much to tell, but being funny, not a dramatic discovery. At a centennial gala of the corporation, with the Crown Prince in attendance, Karin approaches Kaj, “How’s your wife?” He corrects her, “She isn’t my wife” (technically). One of the other women had remarked she saw Marta in town and she looked to be in the last month. That elicits from the non-black sheep, “So what! She doesn’t care about me. She won’t even talk to me on the phone. I’ve begged her to marry me, but she doesn’t want to. Can you believe it? She says that I’m incorrigible. She won’t even give me a chance.” That was one, inflected, dead-end. Here comes another.

Karin (on the way home) is driving, due to her husband’s having had quite a bit to drink. From the back seat, Fredrik discusses his understanding of “style.” “I’ve made Father’s company into a worldwide organization, which we own 79% of the shares. Personally, I am in the prime of my life, full of job satisfaction, energy and great ideas for the future which appears quite bright… I’m revolutionizing our export industry… I’m a little drunk…” (Karin, played by actress, Eva Dahlbeck, had also played the part of a high spirited and very limited wife to a renowned gynecologist in the film, A Lesson in Love [1951], where her husband was played by actor, Gunnar Bjornstrand, who takes up the role of Fredrik here. She being perfect to tell the 79%, “And you don’t have any friends, either.”) Cruising on, the millionaire brags, “I sleep well. My stomach’s fine [a touch of irony]… Good teeth… It is as if annoyance abruptly fled the moment I showed myself…” She inserts the motion of irony when responding, “You truly are exceptional.” He takes the route of great geniuses, when using the cliché, “No man is great in the presence of their wife.” She ripostes, “God is probably not married.”

That kind of contention will flow beyond the drive and into their elevator, which promptly breaks down. In addition to various slapstick routines related to attempting to escape the little jail, some personal issues of note get illuminated. By way of a profound rubric, we are eventually provided with the repair man telling Fredrik, “The distress button is broken.” The man who will tell you he is always right makes a big mistake, in broaching the matter, “Have you ever been unfaithful to me?” Karin, the wit, of course, would have to say, “Sure,” leaving him to ask, “Really?”/ “And you acknowledge it, just like that!”/ “You asked me.” He goes on, “Has this occurred often with different people?”/ “Yes, of course. What did you think?” Fredrik asks, “Do you have a lover at the moment?” She explains, “I have two, but I don’t know which one to choose… Exciting, don’t you think?” Fredrik becomes annoyed—“I am still your husband.” This opens the question for Karin to ask, “How many times have you been unfaithful to me?” She points her finger at him, and the tone, “the style,” becomes dark. He refuses to touch such a matter, being so remote from his integrity. But that doesn’t stop him from declaring, “I have never been unfaithful to you.” Karin, trying to defuse a moment far from her best, tells him, “What I said was just in fun.” But Mr. Perfect pounces to the tune of, “You don’t have any proof.” This overbearing thrust by him causes her to look for blood. “Actually, I do” [have proof]./ “What?” he challenges./ “Now you’re scared, aren’t you? Well, well, well!” (Cut to Fredrik, shocked.) She hasn’t any more playful style this long night and, after hearing him sneer, “I think you’re bluffing, dear,” she replies, “I’ll just say a name… Diana.” (He sits down, deflated.) She sneers, rather tritely, “He’s blushing like a schoolboy. A little boy caught with his fingers in the cookie jar…” (Advantage without tempering.) His adjustment is, “She was crazy, so it ended very quickly.” Karin adds, “Did you know that that 19-year-old American put two detectives on you? For two years, she watched your every step.” That Karin overdoes the facts—”all your adventures over the last two years… I have the list here in my purse”—becomes, rather than a little joke, a (momentary) trajectory for severing their relationship. He tells her, in this desperate embarrassment, “Almost every episode I’ve had has been fun. I’ve never regretted it. Each of us lives our own lives.”

His leg cramp and her massage is all it takes to recover their famous love. A policy of ironic generosity has reinstated the powers they live for. They live for being two disparate vehicles. When the morning arrives, the custodial crew and a few of the cleaners laugh as the elects ascend to their penthouse.

One other constellation, very unlike those who have shown us the sadness of the weak, bring to us their readiness to meet a new day. Coming to us, first of all, after the story of the plight of Marta, the girl chasing “style,” namely, Maj, is now accompanied by her boyfriend, Henrik, calling her to go out the open window and go a long way. Henrik had just been told by the family high flyers, who shut the door upon Kaj’s surely hopeless arts dabbling, that he was to enroll in a business program at a university. He resolves not to pursue what he might meet in the way of constrictedness (but, on the other hand possibly something quite fascinating). His plans had been to see what the wide world meant. Only running away from the overrated family could fit the bill. Of course, Maj would be his soulmate in plumbing the ways of style. In the confusion of the arrival of the menfolk’s dispensing with introspection (Marta, in a distant shot, passionately hurling herself upon the widespread lover), Marta rushes upstairs to put on better clothes, where she bumps into Maj packing her bag. The brush goes like this: “Are you going to stop me?”/ “Yes, I am.” / “With force?”/ “If necessary… I’m responsible for you.” Maj moves the action to better focus: “Should you talk about responsibility when you’ve been so irresponsible and done so much?”/ “I beg you, Maj…” / “I don’t care. I know what I want…” After a pause, they embrace. After a glitch with the motorboat, they move for their moment. (Cuts between a noisy dance party and the dark, silent waters.) En route, they do have something to say, particularly Maj. “Swear that you’ll always love me as much as tonight.”/ “I swear.”/ “Swear that you’ll never compromise, never stray, never lie, cheat or behave like everybody else.” / “I swear…”/ “Because otherwise we might as well be dead…” Cut to Marta on the veranda, speaking with a quiet reveler who notices the distant departure. She tells him, “They’ll be back in time.” (She covers her face. The water is calm. She is not.) She tells him, “I’m just so happy.” (Yes and no.) A last look at their boat, about to test their seaworthiness, their style, which could mean they won’t be back, pending a ripple of play with nature itself, and an integral play of attending to creature comforts.

[yeskraim]

China coronavirus death toll surges: All the latest updates

The death toll from China’s coronavirus outbreak has surpassed 250, the government said on Saturday, as foreign nations tightened restrictions on travellers from China in response to the rapid spread of the illness.

At least 259 people have died and 11,791 people have been infected in China by the new coronavirus, according to new figures from China’s health officials.

Most of the latest fatalities are from Hubei province. The city of Wuhan, the epicentre of the outbreak is located in Hubei. 

Another 17,888 people are suspected of being infected, while 243 have been discharged, according to a separate report by China’s state-owned international channel, CGTN.

On Friday, it was reported that there were over 102,000 people under medical observation.

More:

Coronavirus: All you need to know about the symptoms and risks

How does coronavirus spread and how can you protect yourself?

Coronavirus: Which countries have confirmed new cases?

Fresh cases have been detected abroad, with more than 20 countries now affected, including Spain and the UK.

The top Communist Party official in Wuhan, the central city of 11 million people where the virus first emerged in December, on Friday expressed “remorse” because local authorities acted too slowly.

Here are the latest updates:

Saturday, February 1

Indonesia to quarantine evacuees in military base

Indonesian officials said that around 250 of its nationals being evacuated from China’s Hubei province, the centre of the coronavirus epidemic, will be quarantined in its Natuna Islands military base.

Foreign Minister Retno Marsudi said all the evacuees, along with five officials arranging their return on the Batik Air flight, were healthy and that further medical checks would be conducted on board the plane and at their arrival in Indonesia.

China flies citizens home to virus-hit Wuhan

China has flown two planeloads of its citizens back home to the locked-down province of Hubei, where they were greeted by authorities in full-body protective suits.

A Xiamen Airlines charter flight from Thailand’s capital, Bangkok, touched down in the provincial capital Wuhan. 

A second Xiamen flight landed soon afterwards carrying Hubei residents from Kota Kinabalu, a popular coastal tourist destination in Malaysia.

Passengers wearing face masks are seen on a Xiamen Airlines airplane before getting off the charter flight sent by the Chinese government to bring home Hubei residents from Thailand’s Bangkok [Reuters]

Australia to refuse entry to non-citizens coming from China

The Australian government said it would bar non-citizens arriving from China from entering the country under new measures to combat the spread of the coronavirus epidemic.

Prime Minister Scott Morrison said only “Australian citizens, Australian residents, dependents, legal guardians or spouses” would be permitted into the country from China from Saturday.

“The arrangements are being put in place through our border authorities to ensure that that can be actioned,” he added. “Those that do return will be required to go into self isolation for 14 days.”

Turkey evacuates citizens from Wuhan

A cargo plane with 42 passengers left for Turkey after evacuating Turkish citizens from the Chinese city of Wuhan, state-run Anadolu news agency reported. 

The evacuees were screened by Turkish health experts using a team of six experts assigned to run blood tests and scan the health conditions to eliminate the potential risk in Turkey.

UK withdraws some staff from China embassy

Britain is withdrawing some staff from its embassy and consulates in China due to the coronavirus, the UK government said in a statement. 

“Essential staff needed to continue critical work will remain,” it said.

“In the event that the situation deteriorates further, the ability of the British Embassy and Consulates to provide assistance to British nationals from within China may be limited.”

China criticises latest US response to coronavirus outbreak

Beijing criticised Washington’s order barring entry to most foreigners who visited China in the past two weeks, and “unfriendly comments” that its government is failing to cooperate in the crisis.

The Chinese government said the decision contradicted the WHO’s appeal to avoid travel bans. 

US imposes travel restrictions as coronavirus cases rise

The United States took drastic steps that will temporarily bar foreign nationals who have traveled in China within the last 14 days. 

Americans returning from China will be allowed into the country, but will face screening at select ports of entry and required to undertake 14 days of self-screening to ensure they do not pose a health risk.

WHO: Coronavirus a ‘global health emergency’

Those returning from Hubei province, the epicentre of the outbreak, will be subject to up to 14 days of mandatory quarantine.

Beginning on Sunday, the US will also begin funneling all flights to the US from China to seven major airports where passengers can be screened for illness.

More airlines suspend China flights

Qantas Airways said it will suspend its two direct flight routes from Australia to mainland China from February 9 in response to travel restrictions imposed by some countries due to the coronavirus crisis.

The Australian national carrier’s direct flights from Sydney to Beijing and Sydney to Shanghai will be halted until March 29, it said in a statement published on Saturday.

The Philippine airline company, Cebu Pacific, also said on Saturday that it has canceled flight to and from mainland China, Macau and Hong Kong from Sunday, February 2 to March 29.

A man wearing a face mask registers at a registration point set up by community members for people returning or leaving Beijing, as the country is hit by the coronavirus outbreak [Carlos Garcia Rawlins/Reuters]

Earlier, three US airlines, American, Delta and United said they would soon suspend all flights to China.

China’s Tianjin says all schools, non-essential companies to remain close

China’s city of Tianjin announced on Saturday that all schools and non-essential companies will remain close until further notice to help curb the spread of coronavirus, according to the state media.

Tianjin, which has a population of around 15 million and borders capital Beijing, had 32 confirmed cases of coronavirus as of 10 pm local time on January 31. 

Spain confirms case of coronavirus – health ministry

Spain’s National Centre for Microbiology has confirmed the country’s first case of coronavirus after a man was diagnosed with the virus on the remote island of La Gomera in the Canaries, the Health Ministry said.

The patient is part of a group of five people taken into observation on the island and isolated after it was found they had come into contact with a German man diagnosed with the virus.

— CGTN (@CGTNOfficial) February 1, 2020

UN biodiversity talks moved out of China on virus fears

The next round of talks on a global biodiversity treaty due to be held in the Chinese city of Kunming on Feburary 24 will be moved to Rome as a result of a coronavirus outbreak, the United Nations announced.

The UN’s Secretariat of the Convention on Biological Diversity said it had reached the decision after consultations with the Chinese government.

Kunming is still set to host the main round of global biodiversity talks in October this year.

Pasteur Institute eyes coronavirus vaccine in 2021

France’s Pasteur Institute Foundation said it had set up a taskforce aimed at developing a vaccine against the coronavirus in 20 months.

Christophe D’Enfert, a scientific director with the Pasteur Institute, told reporters in Paris the vaccine could be made available in 20 months if “all goes well”.

“At the end of August, we could enter clinical trials and, provided all goes well, obtain a vaccine candidate within 20 months.”

Tokyo 2020 Olympics dismiss cancellation fears

Tokyo 2020 Olympics organisers dismissed rumours that the Games were endangered by the spread of the coronavirus.

“We have never discussed cancelling the Games. Tokyo 2020 will continue to collaborate with the (International Olympic Committee) IOC and relevant organisations and will review any countermeasures that may be necessary,” organisers said in a statement to the German news agency DPA.

The IOC also said that preparations for the July 24-August 9 Games were continuing as planned.

Diary of a Wuhan native: A week under quarantine

A teacher living in the epicentre of the deadly outbreak shares her experiences of isolation with Al Jazeera as the quarantine in Wuhan continues.

Read the full story here.

An elderly man collapsed and died in the street in Wuhan on Thursday [Hector Retamal/AFP]

Japan to enforce special measures for coronavirus from Saturday: NHK

Japan plans to bring forward the date that the coronavirus will become a “designated infectious disease” to Saturday from February 7, public broadcaster NHK said.

Japanese Minister of Health Katsunobu Kato said that the government was considering moving up the date, without elaborating.

The government classified the virus as a designated infectious disease on Tuesday, a move that allows compulsory hospitalisation, stricter screening of people entering the country, and the use of public funds for treatment, among other measures.

In line with regulations, the designation was only set to take effect on February 7 after ordinances are issued.

Read updates from Friday, January 31 here.

Read More

The post China coronavirus death toll surges: All the latest updates appeared first on Gadgets To Make Life Easier.

from WordPress https://ift.tt/2RNwfVt via IFTTT

[365days365movies]

March 14, 2021: The Holy Mountain (1973) (Part One)

Happy Pi Day! What’s on the menu?

...Oh dear Christ. Looks like it’s a cloud pie, because this one’s gonna be OVER my head. And yes, I realize that it’s Pi Day after the irrational number, not the food. Which is ALSO fitting because I’m sure we’ve got a fuckton of irrationality coming my way, and I am...not ready? Yeah, yeah, I’m not ready.

But OK. Who actually made this movie? Alejandro Jodorowsky? Oh.

OH. This...I should’ve put this in goddamn Experimental June, huh? Well, shit. I ean, it fits in with the patter of films I’ve been watching recently. You know, Greek mythology, Japanese folklore, then a surrealist film released by a notable director? And Jodorowsky is notable...in film circles, anyway. He’s not exactly a household name, but he is very well-known regardless.

Alejandro Jodorowsky is a Chilean-French man best known for his Mexican films. So, yeah, already interesting there. His Wikipedia article describes him as such, right off the BAT.

Since 1948, Jodorowsky has worked as a novelist, screenwriter, a poet, a playwright, an essayist, a film and theater director and producer, an actor, a film editor, a comics writer, a musician and composer, a philosopher, a puppeteer, a mime, a lay psychologist, a draughtsman, a painter, a sculptor, and a spiritual guru.

Dude had a movie made ABOUT HIM TRYING TO MAKE A MOVIE. That would be Jodorowsky’s Dune, a documentary film about Jodorowsky’s attempt to make an adaptation of the book Dune, well before the actual first film came out. And people LOVED that film. The film about a filmmaker making a film...I am frightened.

And I’m not going to spoil it for you, but in looking for the GIFs of this movie...guys, I am FUCKED. I’m a boring-ass man, in that I’ve never so much as smoked a cigarette, and I have the feeling that I’m gonna feel high watching this movie. I am NOT ready. But OK, with that, let’s just get into it, huh? Let’s get this trip over with. SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/2)

Two women are staring at me. And so is a dude dressed all in black with a crazy hat, as chanting goes on in the background in a white room with black crosses on the walls, and we’re JUST JUMPING RIGHT THE FUCK IN, HUH?

The title comes up, dude just rips their clothes off, and YES THERE IS A GIF OF IT ON TUMBLR ALREADY, and I’m probably gonna flagged for that, BUT WHATEVER

He shaves their heads, they enter a warm embrace of sorts, AND THEN WE MOVE ON TO A POINTED EYEBALL SURROUNDED BY PEACOCK FEATHERS I AM COMPLETELY LOST

Well, actually, as the credits play, backed by a sound which I can only assume is the creaking of the opening gates of hell, there are a number of objects and artifacts, with peacock feathers seeming to be a common theme. And then...a man with the tarot card The Fool next to him pisses himself in the desert as flies cover his face, a cougar standing over him and roars, a bullfrog looks at some tarot cards, and a legless and handless man with the Five of Swords card strapped to his back comes to wake him up with the aid of several naked children, who tie him to a fake cross and throw stones at him.

ALL OF THIS HAPPENS IN ONE MINUTE, AND I DIDN’T EVEN MENTION THE FLOWER GROWING STABBED INTO HIS PALM

Somehow...I underestimated this movie. I DIDN’T THINK IT’D BE THIS CRAZY THIS QUICKLY. Well, after...THAT, the two men share a cigarette and hug as the Swords guy licks his forehead, and they walk into the city. There, we see some grizzly ass shit. There’s a truck carrying the bodies of killed native people, a firing squad shoots some kids who...bleed black, and a fuck-ton of sheep who’ve been skinned and fake-crucified are marched down the street as a bunch of rich people watch on. Also, another firing squad shoots at some kids, and birds fly out of them.

I think the people watching are tourists, and this...might be fake? One of the fake soldiers takes one of the tourists aside, and just...starts fuckin’ ‘er. In front of her husband, as people take pictures of the whole thing. I...I am more confused than I have EVER been.

By the way, I don’t know ANY names for this yet, so I’ll add them...whenever I figure it out. Our pair apparently entertain these tourists, and make money doing so. They work with a circus called “The Great Toad and Chameleon Circus”, who perform a pantomime of the conquest of Mexico, using...costumed toads and horned lizard. And it’s...I mean, it’s definitely bad for those animals, but it’s also kind of adorable?

The horned lizards represent the Aztec, while the toads represent the Spanish. And, uh...yeah, it’s literally exactly what I said. The Spanish toads go after the Aztec horned toads, and overwhelm the fake Tenochtitlan with their sheer numbers. What’s weird about that? WHAT IS SO WEIRD ABOUT THAT TO YOU?

There’s also a lot of...what I’m assuming to be fake blood, but with this movie, I worry. The whole dead sheep thing has me concerned AND THEN THEY BLOW UP THE SET AND KILL THEM ALL WHAT THE FUCK MAN? How did this film escape animal cruelty shit?

And then...look, you’re gonna have to get used to weird-ass shit happening here, OK? And for the record, I’m desperately trying to weave some symbolism out of things here. Like, this is clearly a criticism of tourism and wealthy cultures taking advantage of the disadvantages. It also seems to be anti-religious, although...I’m not sure if I can articulate that one yet. Still, this part of the film seems to be about the disadvantaged native people being used as essentially objects by the rich foreigners. I mean, they just used the Spanish Conquest of Mexico, for God’s sakes. It’s a new form of conquest, but modernized.

Right? OK, OK, maybe I can do this after all. What’s next? 

A bunch of overweight dudes dressed up as Roman soldiers, alongside a guy dressed as a nun, are selling crosses and Catholic materials to the tourists, while the Fool and Swords pretend to be Jesus Christ for them. This eventually leads to them goading the Fool into a drunken stupor, then making a plaster mold of him before leaving him on a pile of potatoes. Eventually, he wakes up and screams, surrounded by hundreds of casts of him painted as Jesus Christ, as the Roman soldiers and the nun dude sleep.

Angered at his own commercialization, Fool whips the nun and soldiers, and destroys all of the Jesus statues. Meanwhile, a group of women - of different races and ages - and a chimpanzee stare at a gilded statue of Jesus in a church.

Sure. Why not? WHY NOT?

 Also, they’re prostitutes, and one of them is, like, a child. Fuck. Said child is approached by an elderly man, who giver her his fake eye, than proceeds to kiss her hand...A LOT. OK, I know there’s something to be gleaned from that. Said prostitutes meet the Fool, who’s carrying the Jesus cast. Most of the laugh at him, except for the one carrying the chimpanzee, which I’m assuming is a Mary Magdalene reference.

She follows him, and the other prostitutes follow her, but they all stop when they come across a group of civilians dancing with soldiers. The Fool walks through this crows alone, and ends up in a dilapidated church, where he finds an owl and a priest, who’s sleeping with another Jesus statue. Angry that the Fool’s brought in his own statue, he kicks him out. The Fool then eats the face of his statue, then takes it back to the children from earlier, ties a bunch of balloons to it, and lets it fly above the city, the kids, and the prostitutes.

I, uh...I don’t know. I DO NOT KNOW.

From there, the Fool goes into town, there a red tower stands in the square. Maui’s hook descends from the top, and the Fool climbs onto it. The hook takes him up, as “Mary Magdalene” watches on. And it goes up VERY HIGH, by the way. GODDAMN. He gets into a hole at the top of the tower, where he finds a white shroud, which he bursts through, only to find...

I’m so tired. I am SO TIRED, you guys. Our guy heads down the rainbow toward the camel, the naked woman, and the man surrounded by two goats, who I think is the guy from the beginning. He’s wearing the same hat, anyway.

He slowly and measuredly moves off his throne, as the music in the background intensifies, and as the camel is fidgeting, seemingly ALSO trying to figure out what the fuck is going on. The man gets into a brief fight with the Fool, but stops him by touching his chakras. With the help of the woman, he slices open a tumor on the back of the Fool’s neck, and extracts an octopus from it. Yeah. YEAH. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS MOVIE

The man offers him gold, in the FIRST UNDERSTANDABLE SPOKEN WORDS IN THE MOVIE I AM NOT KIDDING

They take the man to a pool, complete with baby hippo (what, do you not have your hippo in your personal pool, like a goddamn loser?), and the man gets cleaned, VERY thoroughly. Yeah, we see it.

In another room, with a pelican in it this time, the man has the Fool defecate in a jar, and also puts him in a container, where he sweats a lot. The guy collects his sweat in a hear-shaped jar, and continues his chemical reaction with the dude’s feces. It’s at this point where I think it’s appropriate to give the name of the man in the tower: The Alchemist (Alejandro Jodorowsky). Yeah. It’s the director. Take THAT, Hitchcock.

After literally turning his shit into gold, the Alchemist says that the Fool can do the same to himself, as he is shit. Yeah, he says that. And then, the two meet in a room of mirrors, where the Alchemist is now wearing a black outfit, and the Fool is wearing a matching brown one. They break a stone, in which we are told that each stone has a soul.

And then...tarot.

Yeah, that seems to be a theme, huh? According to the Alchemist, Tarot will teach the Fool to create a soul. I get the feeling that it’s meant to be within himself, but...I don’t know. Also, the tarot cars that we see are definitely supposed to represent previous scenes in the film, some of which we’ve already seen. However...they’re still pretty goddamn weird.

He gives him a few items, then brings in an ox and a turkey vulture. Goddamn, dude owns a zoo, huh? He uses the two to speak on the cyclical nature of life and death, and how organisms depend upon each other. This leads to yet another room, with a peacock in it this time, where he notes that the fish never seeks the fisherman, meaning that the master seeks a disciple.

In this final room, there are statues of people who are like him, and who will be needed for the coming journey, whatever that may be. They are industrialists and politicians, and each represents a planet...and maybe something else. They are, in order:

Fon (Juan Ferrara): Our Venus, and a bedding and clothing business magnate. He has many wives, who begin as workers in his factory, then are promoted to his “secretaries. He also has a fuckton of children as a result. His father began the factory, and is deaf, dumb, and blind. He makes all decisions by consulting his wife’s corpse’s vagina. Yup. Dear Lord. The company’s also made masks that have the texture, warmth, and smell of living human beings, allowing anybody to change their face to something more desirable. They also beautify corpses, and animates them after death. Fuck.

Isla (Adriana Page): Our Mars, Isla is first seen in a coffin-like bed, sleeping with the two bald women from earlier. After putting on her Prince suit, she wakes up her captive population of male secretaries, and her flock of black swans, and goes to her day job: manufacture and sale of weapons. We’re talking nuclear, biological, and fictional. They experiment with drugs that have various effects, and demonstrates them on many people, and make such unique things as psychadelic guns and grenades, and themed weapons for the religious crowds.

Klen (Burt Kleiner): Klen’s our Jupiter, and his house is huge, his wife is cold and unloving, and his chaffeur feeds him coke in the back of his black limo. He has a mistress that he fucks in the back of the limo, on the way to his art factory, where they produce a “new line” of art every season, using girls’ asses, and various other parts of bodies. He LITERALLY objectifies people. He also created a “love machine”, which is literally a robot box with a robot vagina that you fuck with a giant blue artificial penis. It is a...weird but interesting scene.

Sel (Valerie Jodorowsky): Sel’s a clown, who represents Saturn, and performs for children. Which makes sense, seeing that she’s a clown. She has a toy factory as well, where she sheds her harlequinesque vestments for a far harsher, stricter persona. Her toy factory is for war toys, and all of the staff and workers are elderly. Using a computer, they use their resources specifically to corrupt the minds of children to feed their political agendas, conditioning them to hate whichever enemy the government will face in the future, literally sowing prejudice and racism into their minds in preparation for a future war. Eerie.

Berg (Nicky Nichols): Uranus next! And Uranus is...EXTREMELY weird. Like, you know how you shouldn’t kink-shame people? That does not apply to Berg, both because he probably SHOULD be kink-shamed, and also because I don’t think it’s possible for him to feel shame? This entire section begins...real weird. Berg and his wife (Lupita Peruyero) are a very eclectic and unusual couple, but they aren’t as bad as the rest...I think? I mean, she’s literally knitting a sweater for their giant pet snake, and it’s kind of adorable. And then...we discover that Berg is a financial adviser to the president of a very wealthy country. He recommends that, in order to save the economy of the country, they kill 4 million people. THe president then activates the country’s gas chambers, gas schools, gas universities, gas libraries, gas museums, gas dance halls, and gas whore houses. Not a joke, that is actually what he says. And that’s...kind of hilarious? That segment ends with a picnic, and Berg says he hates his wife while surrounded by many very beefy bois. OK. My favorite so far, and that’s not even an exaggeration.

Axon (Richard Rutowsky): Besides having a HELL of a name, Axon’s the Neptune of this Solar System. He’s a chief of police. Which involves...a naked man chained to a table as many people chant and play drums. And then, Axon comes in with a GIGANT GUN, while bedecked in clothes made and worn by the forbidden love child of Mad Max and Roman soldiers. The ceremony is actually a castration, and it’s Axon’s 1000th castration. Axon commands many eunuchs, all of whom are trained to believe in him. It’s very...cultish. And that’s made worse when a group of protestors are attacked by Axon’s police force. They execute them, with the murder represented by interesting symbolism. Like, instead of blood and guts, it’s fruit and birds, and...also the thing above, which is funny only out of context. It’s also eerie.

Finally, Lut (Luis Lomeli): Lut is an architect, and our Pluto. In his house, there is a bevy of children dressed up as mice, who are playing hide-and-seek with him. Lut built a multi-family complex, but begrudges that they lost money in doing so. And so, to save money, he decides on a new concept for homes: basically just a box that people sleep in. Nothing else. He presents this at a party, where he unveils the house, which is essentially a coffin. He uses a sex show and women to sell it to the overindulgent rich. There’s also a well-sculpted ice penis involved, which must have been an interesting job to get for the guy who made that. Anyway, yeah, he’s trying to turn homes into coffins.

Jesus. That’s a good place to stop now, I think. See you in Part Two, goddamn.