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hakurines · 5 years ago

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"Its not gay if he's also you"

Owo (from spookyscaryslasers)

The King dragged his past self through the sewers, taking a tight hold on his arm and constantly looking behind them.

“Did we lose them?” The pre entity self said, looking worriedly over his shoulder. His encounter with those two women left him… shaken, to say at the least. Thankfully another one of his selves was there to save him, who now currently was guiding him through the dark stinky sewers not so nicely.

“Come on now! We are almost there!” The king insisted, never ceasing his iron grip on the poor man’s arm. “W-wait up! you’re hurting meeee” The pre entity Herman said, trying to catch up to the other him, one that was touched by the entity. He couldn’t help but still feel afraid, yes, he saved him but… he looked like a monster, the way all that gold covered his face didn’t make him look fancy or elegant, it made him terrifying, was he really going to become like him? Abruptly, the king stopped, making the other bump his head and nose against his back. Rubbing his nose, and slight tears on his eyes, he simply followed the other up a ladder, possibly leading to the surface. The King helped him to his feet, only to realise they were sill at some endless white void, filled with nothing, nothing but the whole leading to those strange sewers and the two Hermans.

“Where are we?” Asked Herman, tidying up his coat and glasses, he came out remarkably clean for being in a sewer. “Don’t worry, follow me, I know a place” the other Herman said as he walked with purpose towards something the other couldn’t seem to see. As they walked, pieces of something started to form, making Herman clean his glasses to make sure he was looking at things right. “Hah, you are really new, aren’t you? You’ve never explored the white void I bet, i mean, that’s why you are reacting like this, correct?” The herman simply swallowed and nodded, feeling nervous.

“Don’t ask me how any of this works, alright? I don’t know, and honestly? I don’t care.” The pieces came together forming some sort of house, a big one, and rather fancy. The king pulled out from his vest a key, and opened the main door, holding open the door for his more human self.

“Welcome” The king simply stated, as he removed his cape and jacket and hanged it on a perch, the other Herman followed, taking off his lab coat. The house was… Nice, really nice, very modern looking, tho a bit too fancy for his likes, it was obvious the king himself adorned this place, filling it with antiques and gold rimmed objects that definitely didn’t need to be. The King guided him to the living room, where with a strong electric shock, the king lit up the chimney, giving everything around it a cozy warm glow. “Come on now, take a seat! I don’t have servants yet but i’m working on it. Meanwhile let me bring you something to drink.” With that, the king left, leaving Herman confused and very lost. Why did the king bring him here? Was this his home? Why was he being so nice to him?? Soon, the king came back, holding a silver tray with two fancy china cups, both steaming with what smelled like coffee. “Don’t get used to this, out of the two, I am the king…. But, you’ve had a rough day, so, i’ll give you a break.” accepting the cup, Herman took a careful sip, only to find out the coffee was absolutely delicious, the king must have notices, because he laughed. “You like it I see! Good, you are a man of taste then, this blend is supposedly brought straight from Mexico! Oh of course, here everything seems to be some sort of… copy, but I can assure you, these taste exactly like the real thing!” Herman simply smiled, and enjoyed the drink as he looked over the flames. Well, as scary as he looked, his other self wasn’t so bad it seemed.

“Listen Herman,” the king said suddenly, breaking the peaceful silence they had “There is… something, creating us, experimenting on us, using us.” The king looked serious for a moment, looking directly to the other herman, seeing how his glasses reflected the flames in front of them, “That’s why we need to help each other, this thing is obsessed with us, they already have one of us in captivity….” Herman simply listened, surprised by what the king was saying, putting down his finished coffee cup to pay better attention. “We cannot let that happen again, who knows what they want? And judging by those two women i saved you from… It seems they particularly like you. You need to be careful.” A sudden blush came to Herman´s face, fogging up his glasses, those two were rather aggressive on their… interest on himself, and he felt so unbelievably embarrassed by it. Cleaning his throat, he addressed the king trying to appear unfaces “Y-yes I- Uh, I mean, thank you, Herman, I’m glad you were there to help me. I’m still very confused by all of this, but i’m glad to know we can help each other…” With a smile The other Herman waved his hand “Ha, dont worry about it, and hey, i’d rather be called King, that way it will be easier for us to refer to each other, eh? I’m the King, you are Herman. Easy.”

“Now then, tomorrow we should see how we shall go on from here, but now? We should rest. Here, follow me.” With that, the King stood up and walked toward the main hall’s stairs, Herman close behind. “Wait! What if they find us here? Don’t misunderstand me, this place is lovely but… It looks so easy to break in to! Shouldn’t we block the doors and windows?” “Oh no, don’t you worry, my house may not look like a fortress, but trust me, i’ve already got security measures around here, the fanciest, priciest and most useful of all, after all, I don’t waste time with cheap useless things!” The king looked way too proud of himself by saying this, “My home wouldn’t look pretty with guards, cameras and obviously locked doors, wouldn’t it? Trust me, this place is rigged with alarms and other useful measures in case of a break in, if something happens, we will know.” Herman didn’t feel exactly calmer knowing this, but he had no time to argue as they entered one of the many rooms in the house.

The room was beautiful, a gorgeous king sized bed was in the middle, adorned with pillows and blankets that looked oh so soft and inviting, herman couldn’t help but approach it and rub his face over it, enjoying greatly their silky texture. On the other end of the room, the king opened another door, one that seemed to take you to a walk in closet and a bathroom. He took two items from it, and closed the door. “In here is my closet and bathroom. I made this place only thinking I would live in it with some servants, so, a room dignified of another Herman is not available right now, so, in the meantime, this will be our room. Here, you can wear this.” The king handed Herman a folded piece of fabric, wich, upon unfolding, revealed to be a long silk robe, adorned with an intricate pattern of flowers leaves and swirls. With it, an equally fancy pair tighty whities fell to the floor. A bit escandaliced, Herman yelled “Y-You expect m-mE TO WEAR THESE?” Unimpressed, the king stepped behind his dressing screen, allowing the other to see only his silhouette as hge undressed himself. “What, where you planning on sleeping on those filthy close of yours, right? Besides, we will be sharing a bed, and i don’t want you accidentally brushing against me with those sandpapers” The king stepped out of the screen, wearing a similar robe. Herman was still holding the robe, undies on the floor, red faced from the situation. “Well? What are you waiting for? You may use the screen or change in the bathroom, just hurry up so we can turn off the lights.” Swallowing hard, Herman complied, walking into the bathroom to have more privacy, the screen had allowed him to see a lot more than he hoped, adding to his embarrassment.

He usually prefered a tshirt and some long pants for pajamas, and these were simply a bit too revealing to him, another blush came to his face as he undressed and allowed the undies and silk robe to slide in his body. Dang, they felt nice, he couldn’t help but hug himself, enjoying their softness, but a call from the king snapped hi out of it, and as he tightly wrapped the robes around him, he stepped out, and went to the unused side of the bed. “Ah, good, we are the same size I see, i’m glad to know my good looks prevail even when you aren’t as rich as me.” If it was possible, Herman´s blush became even deeper, not used to such comments. The bed was even better than he expected it, the soft sheets, the soft yet firm mattress, and the pillows where so soft and fluffy, he couldn’t help to let out a happy sigh of relief upon laying on them. With a click, the king turned off the lights, and with that Herman took off his glasses, leaving them on the side table.

Each one rolled on his side’s, giving eachother their backs, both wanting some space in the bed. It didn’t take long for herman to notice that, even with the bed’s softness and comfiness, it was missing something, he remembered there were blankets when he first saw the bed, where where they now? feeling around with his feet, he had to dive into the covers to realize they were all neatly folded at the very end of the huge bed. The king must have folded them while he was changing… And he didn’t even seem bothered by coldness of the room, so he tried to generate his own body heat, rubbing his feet against the sheets and his hands over his arms as quietly as possible. But of course, the King noticed.

“Why are you wiggling around so much?!” The room was dark so he couldn’t see him, but he could tell he was annoyed. “S-sorry! It’s just that uhhh, you took all the blankets, and im kinda cold…” he looked where the king was supposed to be, and felt how he turned around to face him, and only his eyes, his red and golden eyes where visible through the darkness, having a glow of their own. They stared at each other for a second before the king interrupted “Oh! hahaha, silly me, i’m so sorry, I totally forgot, you haven’t been touched by the entity… You don’t have mechanical insides that generate heat like me… This might be a problem…” Surprised by that, Herman simply made a questioning sound, “You see, the bed gets unbearably warm when they are over me, so if we pull them over again, i might not be able to sleep from the heat… Hmmm” Both thought for a second, and Herman was the first one to talk. “Oh, well, maybe i should take some blankets and sleep on the couch? You left the chimney lit so-” “What?” the King interrupted, “No, no version of mine will be sleeping on a couch like a commoner… I have a better idea, come here.” Herman seated up, worried, “What? what do you mean come here? besides, it is no trouble i can just-” but the king fed up with him, simply dragged himself over his side, coaxing herman to lay down and get under coves again, after what seemed like a short fight, since herman wasn’t sure what his other self was trying to do, he ended up laying his head on the kings chest, with his arms wrapped around him. “See? Problem solved, I produce enough body heat for the both of us. come on now, you are me and im you, you should not be prude with yourself.” He simply stated, and closed his eyes to sleep again.

Meanwhile, Herman could not believe this, cuddling with his other self for heat? It was kinda humiliating and kinda inappropriate and kinda… nice. He was so worm, and he could hear the motor of his insides working as his ear was flush against his chest. He wasn’t sure if he could hear more than one motor of if he was hearing his uneven heartbeat too, but he had to admit, it was so soothing and relaxing. And honestly? he hated to admit it but, he felt so safe in the arms of his other, he couldn’t help but sadly smile and hug back. Was this super weird? Yes, and who knows, maybe he was the prude of his selves but right now, he was definitely enjoying himself. With a sigh, both quickly fell asleep, enjoying eachothers company.

----- -please---please could you forgive me? :”V - (( omg i lof this fic AAAHHHH

#hakurines #herman carter #fan fic writing #fan fic fan art #dbd #w-what can i say?#i don't know what to write in the hashtag #selfcest #submission

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transgenderteensurvivalguide · 5 years ago

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Are there any options for non realistic packers other than the usual sock/tie methods? I don’t want a penis really, but it feels weird that there isn’t anything there. A realistic packer would make me uncomfortable, but I feel like socks would be annoying long term, and also inconsistent because you’d have to reshape them a bunch.

Lee says:

The EZ Bulge is a good option, it’s foam and not silicone and it’s got a little bit of a penis outline on the foam but it’s really a bulge and not penis-shaped itself. You really have to see the picture to know what I’m describing lol.

Comfy Packs are similar, and come in several types of penis definition to smoothness. Again, you gotta look at the website to see what I mean.

Maybe the Silipack silicone insert might work too, it’s silicone and it’s sort of penis shaped but the shaft is fused so it’s not super realistic.

You could get something like a Crochet packer or a Knitted packer or a different Crocheted Packer or a Cloth Packer or a different Cloth packer, and as you can see there are many on these types of thing on Etsy so you can take a look there to see your options. Cloth or knitted packers tend to be colorful or unrealistic in their appearance but give you some definition and a bulge. Basically, they’re sock packing 2.0

The Bella Packy comes in a few colors like ruby red and cotton candy pink. The Archer packer comes in blue, purple and gold, and so does the Pierre.

So the first few options are unrealistic in their shape, and the last three are penis-shaped but unrealistic in their color.

The website is really old looking but if you can figure out how to navigate it, Mr. Fenis is still being sold and comes in several colors like blue, green, red, etc. This is something that is penis-shaped but not too realistic, and colorful and not flesh-toned that you can use to pee at an urinal. However, while you may be able to pack with it if you’re determined, it isn’t a packer, it’s only a STP device- so it isn’t designed to be comfortable to wear in your pants.

There are other straight-up STP devices that you could use, like the P-Ez Travel Urinal, the Medicine Spoon, Freelax, the Whiz, Lady J, pStyle, Go Girl, She Pee, the Snee-Kee, the classic Fenis, the Pibella Travel, the Freshette, The Tinkle Belle, etc, but those aren’t STP packers.

Those STPs don’t look real and that’s what you’re looking for, so if you’re aiming to use a urinal with something but you don’t want something that actually looks like a penis, then an STP device may be your best bet. But because they aren’t packers, you won’t be able to wear them in your pants for a bulge. So those would work if you cared more about using them at a urinal than having a bulge.

This post lists almost every packer and STP device out there at the end, so I’d go through that and click on every link to see if any match what you’re looking for and hit that sweet spot of realism/unrealism.

Followers, any other suggestions?

Followers say:

dustiestsquid said: Okay this might sound weird but I want to suggest one of those water filled cylinder toys, water snakes or slippery snakes, cause that’s all I can think of that’s squishy and not penis shaped at the moment. You should be careful that it doesn’t break and make you look like you wet yourself though.

mikearooba said: @dustiestsquid that’s actually a super good idea! Might wanna put it inside a sock still tho, so u can pin it to yr underwear to prevent it from sliding around. Like we know and love.

japanese-ovaries-kawaii said: the bad dragon packers come in any color or glitter or marble you could possibly need, and they also come in fantasy types like horse packers or dragon packers

terminally-underwhelmed said: I sewed up my own, out of two sort of teardrop shapes for the sides and a sort of diamond for the back and to wrap around the bottom (you can cut and tape prototypes out of paper to test different patterns). Mine is made of a pair of socks, and stuffed with the leftover scraps of fabric plus some rice for weight.

ceruleansirius said: please tag me as canischaotiq as this is my rp blog but i made my packer! it’s a fleece circle stuffed with teddy bear stuffing and it works super well to just create a bulge without the dick shape. it’s super comfy too

#Lee says #packers #unrealistic packers #packing #non-realistic packers #penis m #transgenderteensurvivalguide #trans #transgender

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muertawrites · 6 years ago

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Immunity (or Make It Work, Part 2) [Loki x Reader] {nsfw}

Summary: Reader reveals the dress she made for the gala, causing Loki to lose all his shit at once. When Loki spies his half brother taking a liking to her during the midst of the party, he gets hella possessive and makes a point of showing her how much he cares (... with a rough quickie in a hallway. You know, romantic stuff).

Word Count: 3,300

Author’s Note: I thought I was done with the first draft of this until I read it over and absolutely hated it, so I rewrote the middle part and now it’s better and my sleep schedule is totally fucked. As if it wasn’t already fucked before, tho. Also, this installment of Make It Work is lowkey (Loki, lol) inspired by @maiden-of-asgard‘s Frostbite series, which is super great and I’m addicted to it and you should 100% go check it out if you love yourself or even if you don’t love yourself, it can be your first step in learning to love yourself. I’m starting to get delirious with lack of sleep, so I’m gonna post this and hope that I can be a functional adult tomorrow. Goodnight, ya horny bastards, I love you.

~ Muerta 🌸💀🌸

(Part 1)

You had always believed that the key to sex appeal was subtlety. This was apparent in everything you designed, each garment focusing on the suggestion of a person’s body without ever showing too much of it. A bit of mesh or lace, a slight peeking of skin, a cinch in the waist that revealed what sins lie just beneath the fabric; these were all your weapons in making a piece of clothing maddeningly sexy, and you had applied all of them to the dress you’d made at Loki’s request for the gala he was hosting.

You stood in the hall just outside the reception room of the Asgardian royal palace, smoothing out the fabric of your gown and swallowing the lump that had formed in your throat over the last few minutes as you anticipated the arrival of your escort. Hours ago, a hoard of beauticians had been sent to your apartment within the palace, styling your hair and makeup to suit the dress you’d crafted for the evening. Your hair had been pulled back into a tight, plaited bun that fanned out at the base of your head, with a few loose tendrils falling elegantly over your cheeks. Your lips had been painted in a dark berry shade, and you were adorned with large golden earrings and a matching collier and headdress, chosen from a selection that Loki had sent for you. You were stunning, the picture of an Asgardian goddess, and you had grinned smugly at your reflection as you’d inspected your final look. You had transformed your mortal self into a creature that could put the otherworldly beings of the realm you now called your home to shame, and were endlessly proud of what you had done. You only hoped that Loki would be just as impressed.

The god’s footsteps coming down the hall startled you, pulling you abruptly from your thoughts as you turned to face the direction he was coming from, your heart slamming against your ribs. He turned the corner to where you were standing, and when you came into view, he stopped dead in his tracks. His frozen blue eyes drank you in, scanning your body up and down so that no inch of you was left unseen. He had given you a challenge, and you’d obliterated his expectations; the gown you had designed was absolutely breathtaking, made of a silk so deeply evergreen that it was almost black, shifting and changing hues with the light. The neckline was cut into a severe plunge, stopping just below the space where your breasts met, leaving him thirsting to see more of your skin. Mesh panels mirrored each other on either side of the dress’s bodice, extending down into the skirt until they where lost within its cascade of lush fabric, and a belt cast in gold hugged your waist to accentuate the voluptuous curves of your body. The gown’s sleeves were long, laden with more panels of mesh and accented with lace decorated in Nordic patterns, matching those etched into Loki’s helmet. You were exposed to him, but only just, and the promises of what was hidden beneath your latest work had his mind racing. He swallowed, clearing his throat and bowing politely to you.

“I see you took our conversation to heart,” he said as greeted you with a devilish smirk. You grinned back, offering a shallow curtsey in return.

“I was hoping I’d stun you enough to shut you up for once,” you replied.

Loki held his arm out to you, allowing you curl your fingers around the crook of his elbow as he led you to the doors of the reception room.

“Almost, darling,” he hummed. “Almost.”

As the twin doors swung open towards you, you were greeted with the sight of an entire room populated by the lofty, vexing creatures known as the Jotun. You had never seen them in person, but you knew from the history books in the palace’s library that they had a rocky past with the people of Asgard, characterized by war and bloodshed, and Loki was attempting to pose a sort of treaty between the two realms by hosting their royal family. They were enormous, some of them spanning over ten feet tall, and entirely blue in color, their skin patterned with grooves that supposedly meant different things and were unique to each creature. Not a single one of them was clothed in full, each of them sporting various levels of exposure to supposedly assert dominance and status (as you had read), and you noticed as Loki led you further into the room that many of them had their teeth filed into vicious, shark-like points. You looked up at the king standing beside you, shuddering at the fact that his lean, rangy stature was dwarfed by theirs, finding it hard to remind yourself that he was, under his alabaster skin, one of them. You pulled him a bit closer to you, thinking of how tiny your human form must have looked to the giants. Didn’t you read somewhere that they used to keep Midgardians as pets?

“My kin,” Loki addressed the room as he came to stand in the center of it, your shivering self still huddled beside him, “I welcome you to my adoptive home. Being of Jotun blood, raised by the hands of Asgard, I hope to bridge the gap between our two peoples and move our realms toward a peaceful future. Enjoy your time here. Indulge in our culture and our warm hospitality. We are happy to have you.”

He bowed to the crowd before him, and as the band in the mezzanines circling the reception room began to play, he spun you about and led you away from the fray, raising your hand to his lips in a gentle kiss.

“I thought you were fearless,” he murmured into your skin, teasing you. “I can feel you shaking like a leaf.”

“These people are the size of small buildings,” you quipped back at him, giving the hand holding yours a light squeeze and digging your nails into the back of his palm. “I also don’t think I need to remind you that they used to keep humans as playthings in their recent past.”

Loki smirked.

“Reading up on your history?” he mused. “What a good little thing you are.”

For a significant portion of the evening, Loki paraded you around to his guests, showing you off as if you were a prized trophy. His Jotun visitors poked and prodded at you, intrigued by your soft mortal body, the women toying with your hair, petting it and admiring its silkiness, while the men inspected your figure, some of them getting a bit handsy and groping at your breasts and backside with fervent interest. Their touches made you wildly uncomfortable, wanting nothing more than to slap their hands away and inform them that you were, in fact, a sentient being and not just the dumb little pet they perceived you to be, but their intimidating stature and the shaky relationship they had with your employer made you wary, reminding you that they could literally dismember you if they had a reason to – or even if they didn’t have a reason to. Loki stayed at your side throughout the ordeal, however, skirting you away when his guests got too intimate for you to tolerate.

After two hours of being handled by what could easily have been every single frost giant in Jotunheim, you were able to steal away to the large banquet table that had been set up on one side of the reception room, pouring yourself a strong glass of Asgardian mead and stuffing a few hors d’oeuvres into your mouth, trying to regain some of your calm. You had just scarfed your fifth mini quiche when your indulgent stress eating was interrupted by a soft voice addressing you from behind.

“Miss?”

You turned, coming face to face with yet another giant, but noticing that this one was considerably younger than the others, probably only a teenager in Jotun years. He was also more sparsely dressed than the rest of them, leading you to believe that he was a member of the royal family. He gave you a slight bow, his eyes wide and nervous, not leaving yours.

“I am Prince Býleistr,” he introduced himself, straightening his back once again. “King Laufeyson’s half-brother.”

You had heard of Býleistr fleetingly before, knowing him only as the child of Loki’s biological father, Laufey, and the current Queen of Jotunheim. You brushed a few crumbs from your fingers and onto the skirt of your gown, attempting to maintain what little dignity you had left as you dipped into a curtsey.

“It is an honor to meet you, Your Highness” you addressed him.

Býleistr looked you up and down, his eyes gaping as he took in the sight of you.

“King Laufeyson says you are mortal,” the young prince said, sounding almost breathless. “Is that true?”

You nodded, unconsciously taking a step back from him as you prepared yourself for more unwanted contact.

“Yes,” you replied. “I’m from Midgard.”

Býleistr’s eyes widened in wonder at the confirmation, and you couldn’t help but feel slightly endeared by him. He was just a kid, after all, and it was very likely he’d never seen a mortal in person.

“May I…” the prince lingered on his words a bit, as if unsure they were the right ones. He swallowed, then held his hand out to you.

“May I touch you?” he asked.

Shocked by his considerate act of asking for your consent, you silently gave him permission, raising a bewildered hand for him to take. He grinned excitedly, clasping his massive fingers around your much smaller ones and raising your arm above your head, being cautious in his movements as if afraid he would break you. You smiled faintly back as you allowed him to twirl you, spinning so he could take in your foreign appearance.

From across the room, Loki’s eyes fell upon the scene that was unfolding. He watched, indignant, as his sniveling little weasel of a relative spun you about, laying his grubby fingers on your cheeks, your hair, your waist, your back, and Loki felt the searing sting of envy rising in his chest as you allowed it. You actually allowed him to touch you without any of the hesitation you’d had with the other frost giants. Loki slammed down the rest of his drink and glided furiously over to the two of you, fueled by rage and the alcohol in his blood.

Býleistr was holding your hand, marveling at the minute size of your fingers when Loki interrupted the two of you, clearing his throat and causing you both to jump, startled.

“Dear younger brother,” Loki crooned, his lips spread into a malicious grin and words dripping with acrimony, “as much as it pleases me to see you making such diverse connections of friendship, I am afraid I have come to retrieve my favorite toy.”

Loki took you by the arm, not waiting for Býleistr’s response as he wrapped his arm around you protectively, skillfully maneuvering you through the reception room and slipping with you through a hidden side door, into one of the palace’s many empty corridors. You wheeled on him as soon as you were alone, smacking him hard in the chest with the side of your closed fist.

“What. The. Fuck. Loki!” you snapped, hitting him with each word and glaring up at him. He glowered down at you, his mouth turned downward into a furious grimace.

“How could you?” he growled, taking you by the wrists to stop you from beating him.

“How could I?” you exclaimed, incredulous. “How could you, you piece of shit! Why the hell would you let them molest me like that?!”

Loki smirked, his eyes lazily drifting down to where your chest met his as he held you against him, then back up to meet yours.

“I wanted to see your scared little face, my dear,” he chided. “I am the god of jokes and trickery, after all.”

“You’re the god of some kind of fucking bullshit,” you spat at him.

A guttural hiss escaped Loki’s throat as he pushed you forward, pinning you to the wall on the other side of the corridor. His hands splayed out on either side of your head, and he kept you in place by pressing his body against yours, his hips pinning you harshly to the surface behind you. If your senses didn’t fool you, you were certain you could feel him harden beneath the leather material of his pants.

“I tire of your games, my sweet little pet,” he growled mockingly, his lips pressed to your ear. “You have always been such a tease to me, even when you haven’t meant it.”

You simpered, tilting your head back so that you could stare up into his eyes, your hands pressed firmly to his chest.

“I thought you had an immunity to my mortal charms,” you taunted him, mocking him right back.

Loki shook his head slowly, one of the hands beside your head moving to capture your chin between his fingers as he fervidly licked his lips.

“My darling, you are the one thing that makes me weak…” he purred as he leaned in, taking your lips in a heated, passionate kiss that left your body burning and your lungs gasping for air. You immediately kissed back, your mouth opening and tongue clashing with his as your hands moved upward to clasp the sides of his face, fingers tangling in the abyss of his black hair. You could feel him in full now, his erect cock pressing up against your heat through the fabric of your dress, straining against the crotch of his trousers. He was going to fuck you, right then, right there against that wall, and you barely had time to worry about one of his guests stumbling in and interrupting you, as he was already lifting your skirt above your knees, desperate to be inside you.

Your lips didn’t leave his as you reached one of your hands down to palm at his member through the leather dividing you, the corners of your mouth curling into a smug grin at the needy whimper that escaped from his throat at your touch. You could feel the wetness that had been pooling between your legs start to drip down the insides of your thighs, thankful for once for Asgardians’ aversion to undergarments, as it would make the task at hand much easier and much, much more savory. You continued to work Loki as his hands kept traveling up your legs until every bit of skin below your waist was exposed to him, two of his fingers moving to stroke tentatively at the lips of your pussy, letting out a deep growl when he found you soaked and ready for him. He broke the kiss then, moving his lips to knead at your neck, leaving red marks where he sank his teeth hungrily into your flesh.

“Oh, how long I’ve wanted you, my sweet girl…” he purred against your skin, the fingers that had been stroking you gently slipping inside you, working you tenderly as he marked you as his own with is mouth. You let out a soft moan into his ear, the hand that had been resting on his cheek falling to grip lightly at his shoulders.

“Loki…” you murmured wantonly, your lips pressed into the shell of his ear.

As if halted by some greater power, Loki stopped everything he was doing and fell perfectly still. He pulled away from you, just enough to glare down at you, frozen in place as every muscle in his body stiffened. You gazed up at him, wondering if you’d done something wrong, when you noticed the blood red hue that suddenly flooded his eyes, his blanched skin taking on a deep cerulean tone as he gazed at you like he was going to rip you limb from limb. You swallowed, fearing what would come next as Loki let out a guttural snarl and reached down to where you had been stroking him, shredding the material of his pants so that his cock sprang free from them, promptly wrapping one of your legs around his hip and thrusting inside you without ceremony, groaning at the sublime feeling of your silken walls closing around him.

You yelped as he stretched you to your limits, never having had such a considerable width inside you and savoring the feeling of nearly being split in two. It was painful – so, so painful – but in the most delicious way, and you bit down into the meat of Loki’s slender, glacial hand as he pressed it to your lips to silence you.

Loki wasted no time being delicate with you, immediately slamming his hips into yours as he worked himself in and out of you at a beastly, rapid pace, his monstrous groans filling your ears like heavenly music. You were totally and utterly consumed by him, gazing up lustfully into his crimson eyes as his clawlike nails buried themselves in the plush flesh of your thigh so harshly they drew blood. His stare met yours, cutting into you as he took you without mercy or remorse, pounding into you so deeply you could almost feel him in your chest. You peaked within moments, the current of divine electricity swallowing the whole of your being under a veil of carnal bliss. Loki followed soon after, his cum filling you until it began to spill out, his own cry of absolute pleasure echoing through the hall. He leaned over you for a long moment, keeping you propped against the wall as his forehead rested in the crook of your neck, his chest heaving against yours as he panted with the exertion of having given you the quickest, yet most mind-blowing orgasm you’d ever experienced. You were dazed in the aftermath of his sex, uncertain you were still on the same astral plane as you had been just minutes before.

Once Loki had collected himself, the shade of his skin and eyes returning to their Asgardian palette, he slid out of you, clearing his throat as his hands followed the folds of your skirt as it cascaded down your legs once more, his nimble fingers smoothing out the fabric to hide the remnants of the delicious sin you’d just shared. You dragged yourself back to reality, reaching up with trembling hands to adjust the lapels of his coat, fixing his extravagant horned helmet where your touch had set it askew.

You sighed in defeat as your eyes fell on the tattered fabric of his trousers, tugging and clasping his coat closed to hide the damage.

“I spend a month killing myself to make clothes for you and look what you do to them,” you huffed.

Loki chuckled, the sound rumbling in his chest as he leaned forward and kissed your forehead.

“I suggest making the seams more durable next time,” he teased.

“Fuck you,” you mumbled, your words swallowed by his lips as you pulled him into a heated, affectionate kiss. Loki hummed, smirking as you parted.

“Later, my love,” he promised you, taking you by the arm and leading you back into the reception room, lips pressing to your knuckles as he did. “We still have a party to host.”

#loki #loki smut #loki laufeyson #loki laufeyson smut #loki x reader #loki x reader smut #loki laufeyson x reader #loki laufeyson x you #loki odinson #loki odinson smut #loki odinson x reader #loki odinson x you #loki x you #loki fanfiction #loki laufeyson fanfiction #loki odinson fanfiction #muerta's works

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tisfan · 7 years ago

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One Hand Washes the Other

Title of Piece: One Hand Washes the Other Also on A03 Square filled: A4 - WTF Warning: unrepentant fluff, weird coping mechanisms, first date Pairing: Tony Stark/Bucky Barnes Summary: Bucky doesn’t always eat with the team. It takes Tony a while to figure out why. Created for @tonystarkbingo

Barnes didn’t always join the team for dinner. Tony didn’t always notice when he wasn’t there. At first, it was because maybe Tony was there; they weren’t exactly on friendly terms. But as time went on, and Tony was a rational, reasonable person, the enmity faded. Grew into something like grudging respect, and then grudging admiration. And then, because it was Tony, it might have turned into something like a reluctant crush.

Tony didn’t like to admit that he liked someone; it hadn’t usually worked out well for him. Case in point: Pepper Potts was back on the West Coast again, and sometimes missing her was like an extra hole in his chest, and he was beginning to believe that his emotional make-up was something very swiss-cheese in composition, and he didn’t need any more random aches and pains, thank you very much.

So, Tony tried not to notice when Barnes wasn’t around.

It’s not like Tony showed up to every single one of them, either.

To keep people from fighting about food, team dinners were two different protocols; ordering takeout was on a semi-random, preference oriented schedule. Which was to say, everyone entered in their personal favorites and Friday would select what people were getting for dinner. Which meant pizza was regular, as well as Chinese take away. Burgers.

The other protocol was the cooking roster, because some of the team liked to cook, and others on the team liked to sit down to a home cooked meal. Bruce, for instance, made the words best baby back ribs and absolutely would not tell anyone his secret, even swearing the AIs to secrecy and Friday diligently kept her word (traitor) and refused to allow Tony to access the kitchen camera. Not that Tony could cook, most of the time, but it was the principle of the thing.

But eventually, Tony noticed a pattern, because it was Tony.

The first night they’d done cheeseburgers, Barnes had eaten his portion with a knife and fork. Okay, weird, but a lot of Europeans did that, too, and Barnes had spent a lot of time in Europe. Tony, who drank a lot of his meals (sometimes they were smoothies and sometimes they were booze, and who asked you anyway?) didn’t comment, but Clint did.

And Barnes stopped showing up on burger nights.

He’d never showed up for pizza.

Barnes showed up for chicken one night, but he’d backed up and left in somewhat of a hurry when he saw the containers and realized it was fried chicken, not baked. Clint had waved a drumstick at him, trying to tempt him, but Barnes didn’t even look back.

Tony couldn’t help but notice a pattern after a while.

Barnes never showed up -- or left quickly if he did show up -- when the meal was something eaten by hand. Spaghetti nights, he was as deft with a fork and spoon to twirl pasta against as anyone. He ate epic amounts of steak and potatoes. Raw oysters disappeared like crazy, and sushi was a big hit, but peel-and-eat shrimp or crab legs were right out.

The guy wouldn’t eat popcorn on movie nights, either.

Well, Tony knew all about weird hangups that manifested in odd behavior, and he wasn’t going to call the guy out. Maybe it was some sort of shame-thing about the metal arm, even tho Shuri’s design was top notch, really quite elegant. Or something weird about the way it clicked when he moved it, but… well, it wasn’t Tony’s business, was it?

It wasn’t until one particularly bad bout of engineering fuge where Tony hadn’t slept in days, but had to stagger out of the workshop because he was out of coffee downstairs, and staring at the fabricator wasn’t going to make it run any faster that he actually saw Barnes.

Alone.

[more below the cut]

Sitting in front of the television, watching some late night, black and white, movie marathon and eating out of a bowl.

At first, Tony thought he had some of the left-over noodles -- there were always Chinese noodles of some sort or other in the fridge -- because the bowl was small, he was holding it under his chin, and he was wielding a pair of chopsticks with his left hand. The ridiculous mock up lightsaber kind that Tony had bought from Think Geek, because it was cool, and also because he was a little jealous that he hadn’t thought of it first.

Barnes didn’t take his eyes off the television, dipped the chopsticks into his bowl, and something crunched.

Not like a bamboo shoot, or a water chestnut, either, but…

“Are you eating Cheetos with chopsticks?” Tony couldn’t help but burst out. “Barnes, what the fuck?”

Barnes scrambled to put the bowl down; the chopsticks disappeared like a magician’s trick. “What? I was jus’ watching a movie, can’t always sleep--”

“No, no, that’s fine,” Tony said, waving that away. He knew quite a lot about not being able to sleep. “Can I just ask why?”

“Why what? Why can’t I sleep?” Barnes’s wide-eyed innocent look was both very good and damned endearing, but he wasn’t fooling Tony.

“Why do you eat like that, it’s so--”

“Weird. Creepy. Fucked up. I know.” Barnes heaved a sigh and by the time he was done, he looked somehow smaller and more fragile than Tony had ever seen him. This man, the one in front of him, blushing uncomfortably and fidgeting, that was a man that Tony could call Bucky. Not the cold-blooded killer, or the reluctant Avenger. He rubbed thoughtfully at the palm of his metal hand with the thumb from his right.

“Hey, I don’t let people hand me shit,” Tony said. “I am the last person to give you grief about weird coping mechanisms, I’m just wondering why.”

“Did you know that your computer keyboard has twenty thousand times more germs than a toilet seat?”

That seemed like a non-sequitur if Tony ever head one. Also, pointless. Supersoldiers didn’t get sick.

“There might be a reason I use hard light and projected imagery instead of something as quaint as a mouse and keyboard system,” Tony said. Also, projected imagery was a lot cooler than a clunky board.

Barnes spread his metal fingers to their max extension, all the little plates opening up to allow for the movement. Gold and black, it was gorgeous, and Tony wanted to touch it, poke at it, because, well, he generally had a boner for engineering, even if it wasn’t his own.

“Dust gets caught up in here,” Barnes said. “An’ other stuff.”

Blood, Tony read between the lines.

“There’s no cleaning features? That just seems like a failure in--”

“It was a little easier with th’ old one because there wasn’t a lot on th’ way of actual sensitivity. Used to brush it out with compressed air, but that shit is cold, and this hand can detect temperature extremes,” Barnes shuddered. “There’s coating on the circuits, that makes it waterproof, so like, I c’n wash my hands and stuff. But it’s disturbin’ as hell to wash my hands and see… grease an’ crumbs drippin’ out. Put m’ hand in th’ sewer a few weeks back, durin’ that fight with th’ Wrecking Crew. Took me almost forty minutes t’ wash all the muck an’ grime and other people’s shit out of it.”

“Well, that’s a disturbing image, yes, I can imagine,” Tony said.

“I jus’... don’t like to touch my food with it. And I’m left-handed, so eatin’ right handed is awkward.”

“So, you don’t eat things that you can’t use utensils for,” Tony said.

Barnes’ chopsticks appeared again and he hefted a cheeto and crunched it. “Saw this on one of them videos on YouTube, some girl showin’ how to eat without messing up your makeup, or getting chip dust all over your fingers.”

“Sounds like a good plan,” Tony said, and his mind was already whirring, because that’s what his brain did. Problems existed in order to be solved. Bucky’s chopsticks would work well for small things; chips and french fries and popcorn, but what about pizza? Cheeseburgers?

For that matter, what about raw sewage? No one should have to put up with that inside their bodies, even if Barnes couldn’t get sick, hadn’t he already gotten the short end of the stick with the unwilling body modifications?

“It works, at least,” Barnes said. He crunched another cheeto with pleasure.

Tony got a second bowl out of the cabinet, and snagged a pair of chopsticks. “Mind if I have some?”

“You pay for the groceries,” Barnes pointed out, but he poured out a serving of cheetos for Tony.

“Thanks.”

“What’s this?”

“Add-on,” Tony said, handing over the little disk. “It’s a-- well, consider it a deflector dish. I didn’t get a test audience on the branding, but since it’s only for people with high tech prosthetics, I don’t expect they’ll care what it’s called. Here, it goes on the back of the hand, here--” Tony picked up Barnes’ metal hand without really thinking about it, and the man froze. Tony was standing much closer than he usually did, and when Barnes glanced up at him, they were practically close enough to kiss.

“Right? Then what?” Barnes asked, not pulling back, and his blue eyes went deep and liquid.

“Well, I was studying the princess’s specs, and your arm still has an unreasonable amount of circuit heat, thus the plate mechanism, in addition to flexibility and strength, provides the cooling. So, we can’t quite do without it, yet, but she and I are doing a little collaboration, maybe make Steve Austin Mark III a little less clunky…” Tony said. “But for now… here, come here, and put your hand in this.”

There were not words for the look Barnes gave him, as Tony led him over to a bucket of slime.

“Go on, test it out.”

“I’m gonna make you clean all this shit out,” Barnes threatened.

Tony gave him a smile. “Deal. Put your hand in there, Buckybear.”

Barnes grumbled, but pushed his fingertips into the slime, which hastily shifted and pushed away.

“What th’ fuck?” Barnes -- no, Bucky’s -- eyes lit up, and the smile on his face was beyond joy. Wonder, amazement.

“It’s not very strong, but it extends about an eighth of a millimeter past the plates. Consider it a sort of electrostatic… skin. Works just like our skin,” Tony said. “Keeps all the dirt out, and…”

Bucky swirled his fingers in the slime. “I… can feel that. I can feel it. Not just pressure, not… I can feel that, Tony.”

“Yep, sunshine, that was the plan,” Tony said. He nodded to a cloth on the side of the bucket. “You’ll still have to wash it off, but--”

Bucky wiped his hand free, and then, before Tony was quite aware of what Bucky planned, those metal fingers were stroking down the side of Tony’s skin.

He told himself the tingles that it raised was nothing more than an effect of the electrostatic shield. He was lying, because he’d already tested it, several times, and he knew that there was no way any normal human would detect anything different about Bucky’s arm. That it would just feel like metal, smooth and supple.

“Tony, I can…” Bucky’s eyes filled and a tear spilled down one cheek.

“Yeah.”

“Why?” Bucky pulled his fingers back, rubbed them against his shirt, then held them out again, marveling. “Why-- thank you, but why?”

“Well, mostly, because out of all of us, you deserve to be able to eat a cheeseburger in peace.”

“Thank you,” Bucky said again, and he cupped the side of Tony’s face, as if still enchanted by the way Tony’s cheek felt under his palm.

“You’re welcome,” Tony said.

“Uh, can… will you join me, for a cheeseburger?” Bucky asked. And Tony might not have thought anything of it, except at the very end of the word, Bucky winked.

“Are… you asking me on a date?”

“If I said yes, will you say yes?”

“It’s a date, then,” Tony said.

#tonystarkbingo2018 #tonystarkbingo #winteriron #tony stark #bucky barnes #Bucky's metal arm #fluff

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thedappleddragon · 4 years ago

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oof I was just about to feall asleep when I remembered I had to write this lmao. but I had another really good day :) I was just hanging out when my sister poked her head into my room, saying she was going to our junior high track to run and was inviting me to come along. she drove there which I still find super cool that she can just go out and drive anywhere she wants now that she has a license. and I'm gonna be able to do that too?? what the hell. it’s gonna be so cool and I'm probably going to spend so much money with my newfound freedom. but we successfully got through the gate to the track. she ran a few laps, and I walked about a mile. I didnt bring any headphones/earbuds so I just turned up my phone’s volume and put it in my pocket, listening to drawtectives. by the time we were done and ready to leave, my legs were itchy and my sister’s face was pink lmao. we rolled down the windows and headed to target looking for a phone cord adaptor so my sister could use the headphone jack tape deck thing we keep in the car the allows you to play music from your phone through the car speakers without bluetooth. basically an old school aux cord? I guess? whatever. we walked around target for a while and I saw they had an OCULUS QUEST 2?? JUST SITTING IN THE CABINET? and ooooooooh boy I wish I could just drop $300 on a vr headset wily nilly. I talked at my sister for a little bit about what made the quest 2 different from other headsets as she sorted through clearance. we wended up getting the adaptor, a daisy flower grow kit, and a salad. we decided to get me something to eat too since I didnt think to grab something while in the store, but we ended up in the wrong lane to get to Wendy’s and went down a major road for a bit on accident. I got a salad at Wendy’s but they didnt gave me dressing >:/ we ended up eating in front of an ampatheater near home. it was a little windy and the sun was a little too strong, but the food was good and I had a fun time. Emily dropped her apple slices in the grass on accident tho lol. we went home and laid in the back yard for a while and went our separate ways. I spent pretty much the rest of the day working on some fursuit paws, cutting out fabric for the toes and embroidering all the paw pads. the palm pad gave me SO MUCH trouble at first. after getting fed up and taking a break, I decided I wasn't gonna fuck around with pins anymore and instead used a running straight stitch straight down and 2 straight across to hold the fabric in place as I sewed the paw shape and pulling them out afterwards. then I sewed and seam ripped and sewed and seam ripped the fingers attaching them to the palm. the first hand gave me a bunch of trouble but the second one was ridiculously easy in comparison. I'm debating on wether or not to make a new set of finger tops with grey claws to match the grey stars of the paw pad pattern and use the set I already cut/sewed for a different set of paws. I'll sleep on it. but I'm really happy, I think I've improved with embroidering paw pads :) the last time I used this paw pattern, I ended up hand-stitching a lot, and I hope I can use my machine a little more this time to speed things up and get a nicer end product. we’ll see. OH ALSO my street has a bunch of those white blossoming trees that everyone smells bad, but ive never had a problem with them before. but as I was hanging outside today I think I understand what they mean. it smelled fishy outside, which may have been something a neighbor was spraying or something and not the trees, but either way it smelled weird outside. speaking of neighbor, the people next door have big dog named Lila that the mom loves yelling at and leaving outside. she left her outside and I would have to assume no-one was home, because she was barking and jumping at the door for at LEAST half an hour. I felt bad so I called her over and gave her lots of pets over the fence, even tho her claws scratched me a little. she’s such a sweet dog, I kind of want to ask the mom to come to me if she ever needs a baby/dog sitter.

#thanks for coming to my ted talk #April 2021 daily #2021 daily

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podcastmecaptain · 8 years ago

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the stim bin

part of advanced PLACEMENT: an ars PARADOXICA high school au about a gang of queer teen nerds, by @estherroberts , @podcastmecaptain , and @lizzieraindrops

all three of the aformentioned dorks are equally responsible for the hijinks found in this post. today as well all three aforementioned dorks are neurodivergent folks writing about neurodivergent folks.

click here for the au masterpost | track #ars placement for updates!

ALSO: things aren’t always showing up in the tags, so your most reliable bet is the aforementioned masterpost.

attention: all contents incredibly neurodivergent

everyone shares those fidget cubes

collectively they have like five

in so many colors

esther also designs a giant version that’s like. the size of a KEYBOARD and with lots more options and Bigger

jack builds it

they call it the stimboard deluxe

anthony has nintendo

sally brings him all her childhood games and watches him hyperfocus

sally and anthony were the first autistic friend each other had and they love sharing weird stuff from their childhoods that nobody else liked

they have a lot of overlap of interests and they spent so long without anyone like them who really got them

and they both feel so safe and loved not only with each other but with the whole gang because everyone’s neurodiv af even if they’re not sure in exactly what way

anthony brings notes everywhere

scribble scribble

Doing The Right Thing, Doing Science For Good is sort of his ruling philosophy

a lot of times it’s really easy to lead him down the wrong path if he thinks it’s Science For Good

he has some problems with gullibility

the pressure stimming is too real

PRESSURE! STIM! HUGS!

Big Coats or Lab Coats

fiddling with his glasses

he’s bad at artistic/creative things and just doesn’t get it. he can follow a pattern tho,

polish patterns work for him, especially with tape. he likes taking care of his nails because he’s v tactile, he likes the smooth feeling of the polish and likes tapping his nails

he either gets really anxious or angry about Bad things

breakdowns, breaking things, and weirdly quick recoveries

he could hug people for hours

he usually does if he’s had a panic attack, but other than that acts like he’s fine

canon says sally eats weird and has a disturbing appetite so like,

sally separating EVERY SINGLE FOOD by group and flavor and texture and then like putting one piece of one in her mouth at a time and keeps TALKING CAUSE SHE’S A DORK

other options:

SHREDS EVERYTHING AND EATS IT WITH A STRAW

eats only EXACTLY one quarter of anything at a time and forgets the rest

uses her hands for THINGS SHE SHOULD NOT

burnt things

she love the Cronch

puts things together that should not even touch

jack cries the day he sees her dip pickles in whipped cream and shove a fistful of blue cheese blissfully into her mouth immediately after that

sally’s special interests:

electronics, gadgets, tinkering, SCIENCE, beginning quantum physics, computers

stims by tinkering and uses voice recordings for vocal stims, plays with her hair and bites her nails, spinning, dancing, tapping tools

hands on everything

the dancing is so bad and uses her full body (it’s actually so cute)

is a bad driver bc she either hyperfocuses on the road or she starts TALKING and gets lost in anything BUT driving

sally wears her lab coat everywhere

she plays with the seams, runs the fabric between her fingers, tugs on the corners of it to create pressure on her shoulders

sometimes she spins in a circle just to let the fabric flap behind her like a cape

tags on clothing are EVIL

she takes them out with a seam ripper till there’s no traces

sallys clothes are always a little large and odd bc if they’re not comfy she Dies

no really she’ll end up in a ball somewhere crying because of sensory grossness

she has serious sensory processing issues

sometimes it’s really a Drag but she loves fiddling with things so much and it feels so good and she wouldn’t give it up for the world

she has a watch that sometimes she’ll make clicking noises along with the tick tick tick tick

lots more under the readmore!

sally is the queen of weighted blankets

she always has one readily accessible in case she needs to wrap up in it

the gang Knows this and they’re always asking her to borrow one

like one time esther texts sally like “help me im having sensory issues and i need hugs”

and sally turns up with not one but TWO heavy blankets

(she may have fallen over once or twice trying to carry both of them)

(just these two lil scurrying feet on skinny legs goin patpatpatpat supporting this huge bundle of extra-weighted bedding floating down the hall)

she wraps esther in them and then squeezes her, too

for good measure, sally gets up on her tippie toes and rests her chin on esther’s head

esther, muffled: “i am a burrito now”

sally: “a precious tiny gay burrito”

or, estherrito

bridget puts her in her phone contacts as ‘ettie burrito’

and sally in turn puts her in hers as ‘questherdilla’

also oh my god when will she Stop doing fingerguns with accompanying tongue clicks

sally talks to herself

she has a little wee tape recorder named Diane because Diane

its covered in stickers

she likes to record what she’s doing to organize herself and calm down

and she’ll replay them to process things

sometimes her friends will leave happy messages on there for her

or helen will sing her a little ditty

helen is the world’s best audio stim

her voice is just really soothing

she’ll sing absently and everyone just operates more smoothly for that minute

she likes singing for herself too

humming and tapping her instrument is a soothing habit

helen is very audio/vocal

she likes to play the same song over and over again

bridget has some issues with self image

she also has obsessive tendencies, sometimes related to organization and labeling things

but also related to literature and only being able to talk about whatever she’s into

sometimes it’s easier to quote things from her favorite books instead of replying in her own words

she doesn’t like things that are uneven or unbalanced

objects OR concepts that are unfair or unequal

(except her hair. her hair is badass and she’s okay with that kind of disunity)

esther’s adhd and her big stims are

high heel clicks on the floor when she walks

fancy & feminine clothes that make her feel secure

the ritual of putting on her makeup

pencils (tapping or twirling)

HER RINGS, she has three and she spins spins spins

she likes to rub the shaved side of bridget’s head

and run her fingers through the hair on the other side

she ALWAYS has her father’s old deck of cards with her, she’s shuffled them so many times they’re completely worn down, and no one is allowed to touch them but her

they’re very soft, she has a new pack as well for crisper sound/feeling and everyday use

sometimes she uses card games as lens to make sense of the world

she has a rough time with communication and a rough time with empathy but she’s trying to work on both of those

both come easier with people she’s close to and bridget is helping her some too

it’s easy for her to hyperfocus in class and doing homework, so it took them a while to diagnose her

out of all of them, esther is the best at reminding people to be organized and do self-care (tho she doesn’t always take care of herself)

she spends a lot of her time in her own head, she really values alone time, and she needs to recharge after she spends time around people

even people she loves

jack’s also adhd, had been diagnosed for a while and has almost all of the opposite symptoms as esther (which is another one of the reasons it took them so long to figure out esther)

jack always works better after he moves, if he runs a little or bounces a ball around or is shaking his legs, rocking on his heels

he makes lots of rolling rrr sounds and blows his lips when he’s frustrated

the pencil chewing ended in splinters and the pen chewing ended in ink all over so now he has a little necklace with a chewable shark

the sharks name is Fredrico

his binder is actually kinda helpful because it’s pressure

he screws and unscrews things a lot

actually taking apart and putting back together all machinery is a Big Thing

june is dyslexic

she has cute tinted glasses to help her with studying

sometimes helen reads stuff out loud for her, she doesn’t mind but june hates to ask

for her birthday quentin bought her a five sided highlighter to color code different things

she has some emotional processing issues

it’s easier to feel angry than anything else

& her methods of dealing with anger aren’t super healthy either

quentin is the only one who actually can manage himself

Quentin is a Hydrated Boy

(he has great skin)

quentin always comes across as super chill but that’s actually because he has hella anxiety and works really hard to manage it

penny is autistic and if june and helen are the dad and mom friends and esther is the gay cousin

then sally and anthony are the autistic aunt and uncle who adopt penny as their niece

they can spot one of their own from a mile off and just decided We Gonna Take Her Under Our Big Fluffy Damn Wings

penny is the Flappiest Autistic

big happy arm flaps, upset little hand flaps, her fast excited flaps are literally the best and most joyous thing

she’s always been kinda embarrassed and insecure about it but jack is so supportive

he’s only a moderate flapper but he often flaps with her when she does it

and he calls her his butterfly

this melts her heart and makes her feel happy and not weird and when this happens she is prone to flapping even harder

she calls him her moth

they’re precious fluttery darlings

sometimes when they both get going, sally joins in too and they all spin around the room fluttering in a big flappy tornado

it’s Good

#ars placement #ars paradoxica #sally grissom #esther roberts #anthony partridge #helen partridge #june barlowe #jack wyatt #bridget chambers #quentin barlowe #penny wise #estherroberts #lizzieraindrops #high school au #modern au #neurodivergent #actually autistic #nd headcanons

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flauntpage · 6 years ago

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Walking through Polarity with David Wallace Haskins at the Elmhurst Art Museum

McCormick House designed by Mies van der Rohe with Skycube at Elmhurst Art Museum. Photos provided by David Wallace Haskins.

The die cast by Skycube, an outdoor sculpture by David Wallace Haskins installed in 2015 at the Elmhurst Art Museum, led to Presence, his first exhibition inside the museum in 2016. David and I met in the galleries to talk about the works in Presence and the skein of ideas and research giving rise to them. We recently met again at the museum to talk about Polarity, his immersive exhibition that uses smoke and mirrors to sculpt experience of time and space. Polarity embodies an artist’s enchanting investigation into illusion and perception.

The video Where We Meet is first the work in the show that we look at and talk about. We sit together and watch a procession of human bodies and faces enlarge and emerge out of darkness and then see them recede as they walk away from us and back into the depths of black.

David: The figure on the left is leaving, and the one in the middle is stopped for a moment facing us, and the one on the right has almost disappeared. I’ve removed the horizon line and any frame so you don’t see the projection frame, you’re not thinking of it like a film. The people are isolated on the museum wall, and you’re just left with their gait, the movement of their body in space. And they’re all emerging out of the darkness, out of some unknown place, and slowly coming towards us until they become full-size, their actual size on the museum wall, as if they’re here with us. These are all people from my life that have come in and out. Some I barely know, some I maybe met just prior to this. Some I’ve known for years. Their absence and their presence and then their absence again is something you get to experience and attend to.

Each of these people are actually in a dance, in a sense, with my wife Brittney and me. She’s walking with each person on this side of them with a light. And I’m behind each person, or leading them when they’re walking away, with a big black square. I’m the darkness and Brittney is the light. Each person’s walk was quite long, 300 feet forward and 300 back. It had to be far enough that the person would start to disappear.

Lise: Besides walking with the black square, how did you create the darkness?

David: All the black fabric we used for the floor in the film is from Void Room in my last exhibition. It’s now helping these people in the film disappear into the void. In Void Room we walked into the darkness and disappeared and came back. Now we sit and watch others.

Lise: What is the relationship between the ideas of Void Room and Where We Meet?

David: I have walked through the death of numerous dear friends. Walking with people back into the unknown is an incredible experience and an honor. It got me thinking, how could I articulate the experience of people coming into our lives seemingly out of nowhere. Like one day I met you, and now you’re in my life, and someday one of us will pass or move away and drift apart. Yet you hold them in your memory. They’re with you, but not present in the same way. This piece seemed an opportunity to create a meditation on that coming and going, the presence and absence in and out of each other’s lives.

The whole piece was born out of thinking about both how could I bring a visual language to what is impossible to describe, which is how we appear and disappear in this world. How attending to somebody allows you to hold them in your heart, in your mind so you still feel the encounter after they’re gone. People have told me that they started to connect with certain faces, they wanted to talk with them, and they were kind of sad to see them leave. They felt in a safe space where they could look into another’s eyes and not feel nervous. The people in the film said the quiet walk from the darkness into the light and back into the darkness was a moving experience. They weren’t walking alone. We made this processional and recessional together.

Lise: Words like processional and recessional suggest a ritual sensibility.

David: It did feel like some sort of ritual—like we were doing something mysterious in the darkness.

Lise: That brings to mind walking meditation in Catholic cloisters, in Buddhism, and other contemplative traditions.

David: This is essentially a walking meditation and a meditation on walking. The idea was born out of being a caretaker for 21 years of a man whose neurological condition gave him an unusual gait. I started thinking how we each have a unique gait. Our gait is there for the whole world to see. I wondered if people would watch a video of other people walking. Maybe there’s curiosity about who’s coming next. But something also is happening on a quieter level within deeper parts of ourselves as we learn to attend the presence of the other.

Lise: We’re talking while watching the video but it would be a different experience to watch it in silence. The fact that there’s no sound with the film could deepen its meditative quality.

David: People ask, “Why didn’t you put sound with this?” I wanted there to be nothing but the presence of the person, and attending to that.

Back to the gait—there’s a young man in the film who drowned and was revived when he was a child. It caused severe brain damage, and they thought he would never walk again. And he’s walking in this film. It’s a beautiful testimony of the human spirit. You can tell that he is very focused and determined. He’s 20 now and has become a man who commands his body to walk. He’s constantly willing himself to do things that most of us do without thinking about.

Lise: Walking on two feet distinguishes humans from other primates.

David: Through walking we become a bridge between the sky and the earth. Only the soles of our feet are touching the earth when we walk. Everything else is in the sky. Atmospheric layers start at earth’s ground level and go all the way up.

Lise: Is there a particular pattern to how the people come and what groups they’re in? Or is there an algorithm to randomize the order and combinations of appearance?

David: The film is 90 minutes. It’s all different people during the first half hour. Then the next hour, it’s those same people coming and going but they’re in different positions and matched up with different people. And that’s how life is. You don’t always see the same person in the same group. You might have met someone in a group and then you see them at the grocery store. The context changes how you experience them.

Lise: The frequency of seeing someone changes over time, too. They may go away for an indefinite period of time, or go out of your life for a while, and then suddenly they’re back.

David: This makes it a meditation on walking as well as on life and death.

Lise: And on presence—when the person stops walking and looks ahead into the camera, or seemingly directly at the viewer.

David: That’s why I called be piece Where We Meet. We’re meeting here in this tension between the known and the unknown.

[David and I move past the wall on which Where We Meet is projected and enter the adjacent space of Time Mirror III. On the screen in front of me, I see myself projected in real time. Eight seconds later another image of myself appears while my past image continues to hover. And then a third image of myself appears eight seconds later. When David enters, the same thing starts happening to him. In a few blinks of the eye, there’s six of us, with one or another coming and going.]

Lise: Moving slowly or staying in the same place intensifies the effect of triplication.

David: Where We Meet allows attending to others. Here it’s attending to the self. You have an encounter with three different versions of yourself. You see yourself walking back and forth. You see your own gait from the front and back, what you look like from the back when walking.

Lise: When I stand in the same place, someone appears to come out of me.

David: I set it up so that the past occludes the present. The oldest self steps in front of the past one, and then the next oldest self will be behind them, and your present self will be in the very back. Your present self is standing in line behind two previous versions of yourself.

Lise: As soon as you stop moving, the images start lining up.

David: If you keep moving, they’ll follow you around the room.

Lise: You just keep following yourself. That’s what time is, too, a succession of moments.

David: The past is always in front. Your past is always in your way. We have to learn to step through the past to get to the present.

Lise: That’s an interesting visual language for the past. Often people talk about the past as a load that you need to shed. As if you’re carrying it on your back or dragging it along behind you. But then again, there’s the expression, “to put the past behind you,” like it’s in your way and you have to ditch it.

David: I talked earlier about three kinds of seeing in my work, and in life. Time Mirror III gives us an example of how we get stuck in the second kind of seeing. The first kind is spatial. You need it to move around and make sense of what’s near and far, right and left. The second kind of seeing, interpretive seeing is the most helpful form. Without the past, you can’t interpret or make sense of anything. “Which side of the road am I supposed to be on? Oh, I remember, when I rode on the right side, it was safe, the left side I almost got in an accident.” Viewing the present through the lens of the past also creates prejudice and assumptions. You are judging it before you get a chance to phenomenologically be present to it. Time Mirror III lets you see how the past gets in the way and how to step aside.

Lise: We can also show ourselves how to peek around the past. But first we have to see how our past precedes us into the future.

David: The third kind of seeing is a beholding that transcends language and thought. Language and thought are so connected to the past and an analytical kind of being. My work is about that third kind of seeing. It allows you to enter a space that’s difficult to make sense of: How is this happening? How are there three of me? Where are these people coming and where are they going?

Disrupting the ability to make sense of the surroundings is like the moment when a person trips and is falling. In that state you become present to the moment. You don’t have time to think about the past. You don’t have language to articulate what you’re looking at. You’re suspended in a state of beholding that activates a primordial sense of wonder. In that pre-lingual state, you see in a way that enables an encounter with the other, whether the other is yourself, someone else, a sunset, a tree, or a chair.

Lise: In the present moment, the flow of meaning-making takes a pause. It’s a narrative rupture. For a moment we stop trying to forge links between past, present, and future. Time Mirror III is also a playful space. Do children start playing when they see this work?

David: Kids go absolutely crazy in here. Every eight seconds you’re in this dance with these two other versions of yourself. It’s a simple experience, but it’s so disorienting. There’s a kind of reorientation that can only happen through disorientation. That’s a big part of my work. It’s really never a viewer with my work, you’re a participant.

[We move to another gallery to experience the third work in the show, Architecture of Light.]

David: Stand about right here and look forward. Let those two blades of light go around the outside of your eyes, so they’re just touching the outside of your eyes. It’ll feel almost like the light itself is almost caressing the outside of your eyes.

Lise: The light feels like hands coming around my face.

David: Someone called it a benevolent body scanner. The light you’re looking at changes from wide blades to very thin, until they’re almost just a pixel of light. They become smaller and smaller until they feel like they’re bending around the outside of your eyes. In fact, you’re seeing the curvature of the lens of your eye. You’re seeing how you see. But you’re also experiencing a line in space being drawn by the light itself.

Architecture of Light plays with how we experience architecture. We see architectural objects because we see light bouncing off and absorbed into them. If I could extract the architecture from that experience and use light itself to create sculptural and architectural forms in space, then I have a very different encounter with architecture because I can move through the walls. I can see how it’s formed.

Lise: As the bands of light grow wider, it seems like the dark is the band rather than the light.

David: Exactly. The whole point is to transform negative space into positive space. As that line of light is drawn and widens, it becomes a hallway.

Lise: So now you’re walking in. It’s like railroad tracks as they appear to grow closer in the distance.

David: Now the light is creating a horizon line. Unlike the other two works, you need other people in this room so you can see these phenomena happen as a body moves through the space.

Lise: This work requires participant observation of another participant.

David: If you look at the back wall, you’ll see a simple grid moving. And it hits the floor, and then it starts accelerating. If you stand between one of these alleys of light and look forward, you’ll see what it feels like when you’re flying in a city and looking down over buildings. You’re experiencing the architectural light as well as a sense of depth. Next you see hovering squares from the haze. Now, the sweet spot here in the middle. If you stand here and look in, you’re inside. I’ve taken the room and compressed it to this one single passage. And then there’s a red horizon that forms into the sunset in the distance. When you stoop down, you can be under it.

Lise: That’s what the sky looks like when you’re in a plane and you’re looking above or below the clouds.

David: This piece was inspired by an experience when I was flying and saw a horizon line of bright pink. Since we were above the clouds, they were pink and above them was pure blue sky.

I haven’t talked about polarity yet. In the previous piece the polarity is between the singularity and the plurality of the self. We think of ourselves as one, but science is showing over and over again we’re not just one. Here you have the polarity between darkness and light, which we also had in the first piece, but also between fire and water. The water is the haze, and the fire is the light. You can’t have light without burning something. Here we have fire contained by four bulbs shooting 12,000 lumens of light through one single lens. All that bright light is moving through these droplets of water. That’s how the sky works—what we see from an airplane is the interplay of fire and water. When the two are brought together, the sublime happens.

Lise: You’re painting with colored light.

David: And it becomes sculptural as you watch people move through it and cast shadows. There’s a volumetric extrusion through space. Your shadow isn’t just on a flat surface. You’re seeing the movement.

Lise: The work creates projections that illuminate three-dimensional space. It has a holographic feel to it.

Summer, Agnes Martin, 1964.

David: So now we’re back to the grid. These are the last two treatments. I’m playing off of Agnes Martin and Sol Lewitt. As you move your head back and forth, you’ll see the grid moving through and around your head. And then when you look back at me moving through it, I’m activating it just by my movement. In this work you ask, am I looking at the haze? Or am I looking at the light? The water or the fire? You start to realize that they are impossible to separate.

Lise: You’re seeing both at once.

David: If I took the haze out of here, you wouldn’t see the light. There’d be nothing to see except on the wall on the back, you’d see a flat edge. There would be nothing in the middle. You can’t see the light without some element floating in space. And you don’t ever see the dust, or the haze, without the light. I find that to be an interesting dialectic between these two worlds.

Lise: Again, it’s the illusion of visible and the invisible. Just because we don’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there. It’s just the conditions for seeing it aren’t there. And we often misconstrue what we see. This goes back to what we were saying about the past, present, and future. And by creating the conditions to see them in Time Mirror III, they take on a meaning.

David: So much of my work is trying to create physical experiences that interrupt our over-learned, automatic response system to the world around us. I’m using things that we might encounter in a dream or in nature, and offering an otherworldly moment to see with new eyes. It’s hard to do in a beautiful way. It’s easier to do that by pushing buttons and creating grotesque things, and to freak you out. The world we live in right now is so much about polarity—us versus them. What happens when you make room for both/and?

[Still standing inside Architecture of Light.]

Lise: Oh, it’s that pyramid feeling again. The experience of being inside and in the center of the base of a pyramid.

David: Again, no sound in here. Many artists create electronic sounds to go with this kind of work.

Lise: You don’t need it. You’ve got the hum of the projector and the haze machine. This blue light is very soothing.

David Haskins: There’s a dreamlike nature to it too. The show has a lot to do with life and death. Where We Meet has figures emerging from the void, going back to it. Time Mirror III has the sense of being present to the self, as you attend to it in the past, present and future. In Architecture of Light we’re dealing with something that’s ineffable. Near-death experiences reference light all the time. What is beyond this? Light is a force that our senses can grasp. It’s physical, and yet it’s not. It blinds and illuminates.

Lise: On a physiological level, too, light and water are absolutely essential to life.

[We leave the main museum building and go to the McCormick House designed by Mies van der Rohe to see Ascension / Descension, the fourth work in Polarity. The work fills the main room of the iconic glass house with mirrors on the floor and ceiling. It is the most viscerally disorienting of the four works.]

David: Here we have the polarity of sky and earth repeating. You’re seeing into all these different layers of the sky, and it’s very surreal. And it almost feels like if you could crawl down there and go through that window, you could walk up into another museum.

Lise: The number of dimensions seems to increase exponentially the longer I look into the mirrors.

David: And if you look out the window, it doesn’t seem that we’re looking at the actual museum. What you’re looking at is so confusing.

Lise: It looks tripled, quadrupled.

David: It’s like another world over there. And it doesn’t make any sense how that could happen. We know what mirrors do, but that’s another level of reflection. It’s taking the reflection down there, which we see clearly, and flipping it all the way up there. And if we could stand back further, it would happen again and again. That’s why we see the sky and the earth over and over and over, each repeating endlessly. If you look in the dirt down there, you can see us in that first layer of dirt. It almost looks like we’re looking at someone else down there. When do you get to look at yourself from on top of yourself back down on yourself in real time without any kind of technology? It’s like an out-of-body experience.

Lise: And again, very dreamlike. Like in a dream when you’re flying, and can you look down and see yourself.

David: My parents were just here yesterday, and they could barely walk on the mirrors. They were absolutely terrified. They did eventually, but it took them a long time to get the feel for it. Their brains are telling them, I’m going to die if I take another step. I’m going to fall to my death. Other people walk right out on it.

Lise: What are some of the features of the McCormick House that inspired Ascension / Descension?

David: Two things came to mind when I was asked to do an installation in the house. This is one of Mies’s most grounded structures. The ceiling is only eight feet high. Skycube was about the relationship between Mies and the sky. He brought us into the sky with the first skyscrapers made of glass. I thought it would be fitting to bring the sky down to him.

For this work, I want to continue to bring the sky into this space. With polarity as the theme of the show, here we have walls of sky, and walls of earth. Also, this house is based on the original steel and glass design of Mies’s first skyscraper, Promontory Apartments in Hyde Park. But Promontory Apartments isn’t like this because they couldn’t afford to build that design. Since he never got to do that design as a skyscraper, I thought wouldn’t it be nice to bring the skyscraper to the house.

The other polarity in Mies’s architectural forms is between verticality and horizontality. The Federal Plaza, Post Office is a beautiful horizontal space, Crown Hall, this home, and the Farnsworth House. I thought, what if I could really highlight the horizontality of his ranch house in half the house, and then take the other half, and highlight the verticality of his skyscrapers? We put feelers out and Robert Kleinschmidt agreed to curate the other wing of the house to give a sense of how it was originally inhabited.

McCormick House: 1952 – 1959 curated by Robert Kleinschmidt and Ryan Monteleagre with furniture inspired by historical photographs of the residence when occupied by its original owners.

Lise: The column or pole of light in the middle of the room feels integral to the piece. Why did you put it there?

David: I really wanted to hold the layers together with something singular. Using the house as a metaphor for the body, I’m again exploring the polarity of the multiplicity and the singularity of the self. What’s inside of us, as human people, is way bigger than our exterior frame. Our interiority extends way beyond our exteriority. When we first see and enter this house it seems so small. Then all these layers unfold. That’s how we are as humans. The light pole is a singular object with an ephemeral presence since you can’t hold light. And it’s in a shape of a tube, where everything else is rectilinear.

Lise: The light pole in this space brings to mind the cosmological or mythological concept of the axis mundi. It’s the axis running through the center of the world connecting heaven and earth.

David: The title, Ascension / Descension imbues the work with the Biblical language of heaven and hell, of great moments and low moments, wonderful times and hard times.

Lise: Or flying and mountain climbing. For Hindus, the axis mundi is Mount Meru.

David: There is no height or depth in Ascension / Descension where this light is not present. You can see many of me. And I see many of you. But you can’t see many of yourself.

Lise: In fact, it’s funny, when I’m trying to look down further into the reflections I keep getting in my own way.

David: Isn’t that life right there? I keep getting in my own way. That should be the T-shirt of life.

Lise: I can try to peek around myself, but there’s not much I can see.

David: That’s beautiful metaphor for life with others. We need each other to understand ourselves. I can only see these other perspectives of you, and you can only see those of me. This is the conversational nature of reality that the philosopher and poet David Whyte writes about.

Lise: The bent reflections on the windows are starting to really come out.

David: This only starts happening at night.

Infinite Cube, Antony Gormley (2014), Smart Museum of Art, the University of Chicago. Photograph by Michael Tropea.

Lise: The number of artists using mirrors to proliferate dimensions and evoke infinity seems to be multiplying. At 2018 Expo Chicago, Iván Navarro’s Back to Square One was magnetic. Antony Gormley’s Infinite Cube at the Smart Museum is another crowd pleaser. Some of these works the viewer is on the outside looking in. The immersive character of Ascension / Descension creates a more destabilizing experience.

David: Yayoi Kusama is another amazing artist who works with infinity rooms. Many people have worked with infinity rooms. I was very hesitant to do this piece because we’re having mirror fever right now in the art world. I went forward with it because of the architectural, historical narrative. McCormick House also makes it possible to bring nature in with the mirrors on the floor and ceiling, allowing me to continue the sky/earth conversation I began with Skycube in 2015.

The Spirits of the Pumpkins Descended into the Heavens, Yayoi Kusama, 2015. Installation view at National Gallery Singapore, 2017.

Lise: Walking on the mirrors is especially captivating. It feels more compelling to look down than up.

David: You stay there, and I’ll stand here. Now look up. Can you see me?

Lise: Yes, but I can’t tell what plane you’re on.

David: It looks like I’m up on a ledge.

Lise: Now it looks like you’re jumping off the ledge.

David: My parents screamed when I did that. When you look down and I look up, we see different layers. We need each other to see them. Ascension / Descension is my attempt to create a non-dual space—and the pole of light holds together all its layers.

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Walking through Polarity with David Wallace Haskins at the Elmhurst Art Museum published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/