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topperscumslut · 1 year ago

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ok now i can’t sleep and im thinking about my songs so lemme just rank them rq from most to least unhinged

1. Love Her (denial version original)

writing a song about what a good bf your ex’s best friend is to his gf (who you’re also friends with) and how you want more than anything to be loved like that and then following it with “no i don’t want him, god knows he’s like a brother”???? INSANE

2. Mr Luxury

this is LITERALLY a song about shifting to the hunger games to get absolutely railed by marvel. i am not joking. the line “lookin a lot like your mama but you’re not fakin” fucks yes that is a when harry met sally reference duh

3. Egotistical Maniac

it’s lowk giving badly written tiktok industry plant but that’s ok. pretty much me just calling my ex a bitch for two minutes straight which i mean i fw it. specifically by saying that all the asshole characters he played were just method acting lmao. ngl “i’m not your manic pixie or sorority whore” kinda ate

4. Double Agent

essentially writing a modern day better than revenge about someone you thought was your friend dating your ex after she told you he was a total asshole and you had stayed up all night giving her all the tea and talking shit about him together is crazy bro

5. Love Her (rewritten)

you know what’s slightly less insane than writing a song where you’re in denial of your feelings for your ex’s best friend and saying he’s like a brother to you, but is still pretty insane? finally accepting those feelings and admitting that you actually probably had a crush on him even when you were with your ex. “he was everything i wanted you to be”????? ohmygod???? rip “they were everything i wanted us to be” tho gone but not forgotten

6. Gasoline

ok this one literally started a full on tumblr war so it has to be pretty high lmao. writing a topper thornton kinnie song and then getting accused of plotting literal arson bcuz metaphors don’t exist apparently is literally insane bro

7. Dolls

literally just me calling out my shitty ex friends (and also kinda my ex as well) writing about the worst fucking car ride of my life trying to drive while keeping them from murdering each other

8. Muse

Muse is so beautiful and poetic and one of my personal favorite songs of mine but it’s still batshit insane okay. yes this is about the best friend from Love Her. this literally features some of my best lines of all time like “you’re more to me than beautiful revenge” basically saying my feelings are genuine and not fabricated to get back at my ex, and “your market is my allergen” which is a double entendre with both a very deep, poetic, SAD meaning and also a very stupid, kinda funny one lol. basically saying i don’t know how to start a relationship and appeal to men without seducing them but he’s so innocent and pure that would never even appeal to him, maybe if this actually worked out i could have found someone that actually likes me for me and not my body (it’s giving we’ll never have sex by leith ross), but then also the fact that we literally met in a show where my character sold nuts and and he has a nut allergy irl LMAO IM A FUCKING GENIUS

9. Favorite Song

asking out a guy that i worked with at taco bell to enchanted by taylor swift and then getting rejected and writing a song about it filled with references to enchanted was wild what else can i say

10. Emerald City

ok I’ve hardly written ANY of this but the concept is just insane. liking a guy who doesn’t know you exist in middle school, and then dating two of his friends only to catch feelings for him again after??? wild. (different friend group than the Love Her friend group btw, these are all guys from HS and Love Her and beyond happened the summer after HS). and then writing a song essentially calling him the scarecrow for mindlessly following your ex, the tin man, who’s missing a heart (empathy) as he’s notorious for mistreating, manipulating, and even assaulting girls and then calling your OTHER ex the cowardly lion for still staying friends with the tin man instead of saying fuck this shit is honestly iconic. this was the original homie hopper anthem. Emerald City WALKED so Love Her and Muse could RUN

11. Summer Whatever

my first song so you kinda gotta cut me some slack and yes ive edited that line but still having the line “maybe we’ll forget each other’s names by september, or maybe I’ll see you at the end of the aisle” is CRAZY. why were there so many references to marriage for a guy I’d dated for two weeks???? i mean there only two marriage references but still TWO TOO MANY!!!!!

12. Scarlet Letter

this one was supposed to have multiple verses (that i probably will end up writing eventually) but has only had the first verse, which is about Love Her/Muse guy lmao, and the chorus for like a year and a half. basically came about by me going “huh, i only ever write songs (besides Emerald City) about four guys - mainly my ex, but also his aforementioned best friend, and two of my guy best friends both of which i had been in awkward situationships with. and i was like yk what i wrote pretty much a whole album about my ex (who i literally only dated for two weeks), let’s show these others guys some love with a song just for the three of them lol. and what did they have in common? oh yea, literally all of their names started with the letter A, thus Scarlet Letter was born. “turn me on like a battery” cuz it’s triple A???? genius. mad genius, but genius.

13. Thirteen Again

this is actually really deep and about the oversexualisation of young girls, specifically around puberty age, but more specifically about the fact that i had recently found out the lead singer of my favorite band at the time was a pedophile so i decided to make a fake profile of photos of me from middle school and early high school to catfish him and catch him in the act LMAO. he left me on read.

14. Coincidence

this one really isn’t that crazy, just kinda your run of the mill giddy crushy song, but i barely knew this guy lmao. between drunk texting him at 4am, bringing his mom coffee, and offering to let him stay with me when he crashed his car, i probably came off way too strong

15. Ninth Street

ok im realizing i have too many songs to rank all of them so this is gonna be the last one and it’ll just be a top 15 list lol but this is still pretty unhinged. literally me staying with my sister last summer when she was going thru her first real breakup and being like “hey this seems a little too familiar” cuz it was so similar to the shit that had happened to me the year before and writing an entire song about it and then not being able to come up with a title and literally just using her street name is so fucking chaotic also very diedrich knickerbocker from headless coded lmao. not to mention the fact that the exact same shit happened this summer too?!?! this song is so long already, ts is gonna be the next all too well (10 minute version) istg

“i feel stupid saying i had visions, him as our best man” is the most fucking BATSHIT INSANE lyric i have ever written in my LIFE. it doesn’t sound that bad out of context, like oh u were dating a guy and imagined what it would be like to marry him and have his best friend be ur best man, whatever, right. except for the fact that it’s about a guy i dated for TWO WEEKS in a song about how i was jealous of his best friend and his girlfriend at the time bcuz my ex never was as affectionate or sweet or attentive to me as his best friend was to his ex, only for me to realize hm maybe that’s not the only reason that seeing said best friend be so affectionate to a girl bothered me and then realizing i was in deep deep denial by writing a song saying he was “like a brother” to me meanwhile the entire rest of the song is talking about how i want a boyfriend like him and to be loved like that only to crush on him for eight months and then when im finally over him suddenly remember he exists a year later lmao. like i was like “i miss u sooooo much why’d u leave me no im not in love with ur best friend haha i wanted him to be our best man even tho this entire song is about how seeing him with his gf makes me want to die” FERAL

#songwriting #chaotic #i cant sleep #4am ramblings #ex #homie hopper #writing

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absolutebl · 2 years ago

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This Week in BL

July 2022 Wk 2

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying the most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Triage (grey) Ep 12 - Tol’s turn to fix the timeline - well he can’t do any worse, right? I found this episode a little frustrating, but I still think this is one of the better high concept Thai BL‘s I’ve seen in a long time. I’m reminded a little of Great mMen Academy for some reason (much as I question if GMA is a BL). I’m excited to see howTriage ends, but also glad next one is the final ep. Where Triage falls down, for me, like Manner of Death, is going to be in rewatchability. I think once the element of surprise is removed, there isn’t enough romance holding this show together to make me want to rewatch it. But I think the story is a lot better for having not been that romantic. It’s just I happen to be a romantic at heart.

Love Mechanics (Sun WeTV) Ep 4-5 - ep 4: of course the cheating gf is hurt in a car accident with her rich boyfriend#2 and Vee rushes back to her and then makes eye contact with Mark who he is hurting even more. Because why not MORW PAIN? This whole series is basically a diatribe against cheating and the one honest gay reaps all the punishment. And yet I CAN’T STOP WATCHING. Stupid genius YinWar. Also I do love Poppy turning up, he’s got to be one of my favorite character actors in the BL universe, right up there with Gunsmile. Watching Vee lose everything was cathartic, his family, friends, and Marke are too good for him. He is a lovable asshole tho. I am both delighted and terrified that we have 6 more episodes of this nonsense. Ep 5, why are these cheaters so cute? Because it is YinWar, that’s why. Also I love it when Mark gets his own back against Vee, even if it’s just teasing and standing up for himself. Don’t ask, I didn’t get the bit with Vee’s dad either. Lots of good brother characters this summer in BL. Meanwhile Yawhe is figuring everything out.

Vice Versa (Sat on YouTube) Ep 1 - The meet cute was awkward and I don’t love that. Jimmy (Puen) is lovely, of course. The lead (Lay) is okay, I haven’t fully warmed to him. (Hooray for a butch character! Even if they had to use body swap to explain them. Notice mostly no polite particles?) I like the concept of this show. You know me, I’m big into paranormal and magical realism and skewed reality. I’m engaged with that if nothing else. And then Nanon waltzes in holding a goddamn guitar and I’m mad at the whole universe.

Unforgotten Night (Weds on GaGa) Ep 4 - I am beginning to think we should be calling this show Forgotten Kink rather than Unforgotten Night. Actually, this week was fine, we got a bit more of the side couple, whom I am now officially calling P’Daddy and Baby Boy. Also I may a UFO pun joke. Go me. TRASH WATCH IS HERE!

Sky in Your Heart (Fri YouTube) Ep 7 - How is this show now boring, corny, AND cheesy? Also I’m starting to get bad secondhand embarrassment. And then... the white sponge bath, of course.

Even Sun (Wed iQIYI) Ep 3 - They are pretty, it pretty, that’s it. I’m so bored.

Check Out (Sat IQIYI) Ep 6 - World’s most boring date? Mostly I was just confused by the random English letters on Daonuea’s shirt and wondering if I could get one like it with Thai script (since it’s so pretty). In other news, should I start a vomit trigger warning for BL shows? Why do people throw up so much? We don’t have to SEE it, ya know?

My Secret Love (Sat YouTube Sat) Ep 7 - Interesting that they call GL yuri in Thailand. That’s it. That’s all I got.

War of Y has semi started or something? Whatever.

Oh My Sunshine Night (?) - Ep 1 I managed the first ep without subs but it seems really really sad. I am nto sure I am in the right mind set for this one so I think I will wait until 1. I know if it ends happily, and 2. It’s easier to get internationally.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Minato Shouji Coin Laundry (Japan Weds GaGa) Ep 3 - currently my favorite show by a land slide. I like everything about it, the questionable content and relationship, the age gap, the characters, Shin’s obsessive staler edgy intensity, the side boy with the terrible hair. The food. ALL OF IT. Minato’s feelings for his sensei are an interesting parallel to Shin‘s feelings for Minato - and explain both why Minato is sympathetic to Shin and dismissive of him at the same time. When Minato admits to his feelings for his high school teacher, Shin final understands Minato’s reluctance, or thinks he does. I feel Minato deeply, he’s sunshine honesty and core integrity does not allow him to outright lie to Shin that he isn’t attracted, which goes up against his ethical scruples around their age gap. There’s an interesting dialogue going on within this show around how seriously to take teenage love and first true desire (simultaneously the most intense of our lives and the most scary for the adults around us) and how it’s belittled by society as a result. I should note at this juncture that the age of consent in Japan is 13, the lowest of any developed country. However, most prefectures also have local "corruption of minors" or "obscenity statutes" (淫行条例) which raise that AoC to 16-18, unless they are in a "sincere romantic relationship" (usually determined by parental consent). Are we going to meet Shin’s parents and large family under this context? I’d really like it if we did. Japan may be reserved in its romances but it usually attacks social criticism and difficult content head on (unlike Korea), so I wouldn’t be surprised if we got this topic grappled with directly. See Japan’s approach to noona romances.

Want to See You (Vietnam YT) Ep 6-7-8 - Far be it for me to say this with our prince of VBL but I don’t think that these leads have any chemistry. Sad, that’s usually not one of Vietnam’s issues. The brother character remains my favorite and a best boy and the only reason I’m still watching this show.

Senpai, Danjite Koidewa! (Japan Fri Viki) Ep 4 - We are halfway through this one, and I’m still not sure if I like it. It’s just too cringe. Also they keep reusing a lot of footage.

Gameboys 2 movie - didn’t drop for me in the USA on gaga.

Love in Spring AKA Spring of Crush (Korea grey) Ep 15-16 - A suitably tragic ending (including an Untamed call back) for all the bad characters and some of the good ones. I liked the psychopath second lead best - apparently my second lead syndrome extends to COMPLETELY INSANE. In the end, this drama was all over the place with uneven acting, narrative, and focus (sometimes it wanted to be a slapstick comedy, sometimes a depressing drama) which meant no one, actors or viewers, took anyone or anything seriously.... AND it’s a bromance. I was left wondering is SalHyung is now code for “they were roommates” in Kdrama historicals but otherwise largely apathetic and unimpressed. Korea, we now know you can do better. Watch Tinted With You or Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding instead: 3/10 not recommended, I don’t know what I’m watching, and neither does it. Full review here.

Gossip

Japan to adapt yaoi Takara Kun To Amagi Kun as Takara-kun and Amagi-kun. Oriyama Nao and Sato Arata will star, and rumors of the leads from My Love Mix-up putting in a cameo. 8 epes. About a popular guy and an outcast boy who secretly like each other, and soon after start dating in secret. Premieres August 18 no word on distribution yet.

Japan to produce The 8.2 Second Rule AKA 8.2 Byo no Hosoku about a boy finding his first love.

Korea’s Kidari Studio to adapt Happy Merry Ending about two men who work with wedding events, grumpy/sunshine pairing.

Blueming is getting a season 2. This is one of my favorites from this year (9/10). I am not thrilled about this decision. It’s the same director as TMS2, and I didn’t like that one all that much. Still, I’ll probubly watch it. I’m very intersted in where Korea goes when it’s given enough rope to hang itself with.

Next Week Looks Like This:

I think Coffee Melody is to start tomorrow on Viki? (Pavel my love!)

NOTE: There probubly will not be a weekly update next Sunday from yours truly. I have a busy week of remote work (with the meetings and the deadline) and then a (cough cough) college reunion thingy. So yeah. Don’t think I’m dead, okay?

This week’s best moments?

Can’t lie, I’m a big fan of the boyfriend sniff test.

I feel this in my bones... or shoudl I say stomach?

Sing it with me now... jealousy!

And a meeting of the Marks. (I used to think War & Mark looked A LOT like each other, but now I really don’t anymore). I hope Mark IRL really is really in Love Mechanics. I love him so much. He’d make a great boyfriend for heartbroken rich boy Nuea.

(last week)

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2-cute-4-school · 4 years ago

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𝚗𝚌𝚝 𝚍𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚖 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚌𝚛𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚠𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚞𝚍𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚎𝚡𝚊𝚖𝚜

requested by anonie: hi if you’re taking requests could you do an NCT Dream reaction to you crying while studying for exams because you’re stressed? thank you !

Mark Lee

my boi understands the STRESS

he debuted like 6 times and he has more comebacks and schedules than he can count bby is so overworked sometimes °(ಗдಗ。)

i think you’re probably each other’s safe places

whenever mark catches sight of you he just buries himself in your arms and all his stress and worries melt away as he breathes in your familiar scent (.づ◡﹏◡)づ.

your hugs? his best medicine

so when he finds you trying to muffle your cries in your hands, hunched over open textbooks, a mess of pens and littered papers around you

his heart breaks just a lil (*>_<*)

why didn’t you come to him?? or at least call him??? don’t you trust him?? is he part of the reason of your tears???? what if-

“mark?” ༶ඬ༝ඬ༶

but as your meek voice calls for him he decides that questions can wait

you are his one and only priority

he dashes to your side and engulfs you in his arms─=≡Σ(づ￣ ³￣)づ

“it’s okay baby, you’ll be fine, i’m here, i’m with you”

you just hide your face in his chest and allow yourself to break into sobs that wrench mark’s poor lil heart while mark caresses your back and head

“just let it all out baby, i’m right here, i’ll always be here”(๑´•д • `๑)

he keeps murmuring comforting words as you slowly run out of tears

once you calm down enough to explain the reason of your breakdown to him, he just presses a kiss to your forehead ლ(´﹏`ლ)

“how about you take a rest for tonight and we’ll talk tomorrow and i’ll find a way to help you through this, hm? does that sound good?”

you make him promise he’ll stay with you for this night he has no objections (ღゝ◡╹)ノ♡

he ends up playing his guitar for you with your head on his lap asfdsfksf until you fall asleep and then spoons you after tucking you in

his softness for you doesn’t prevent him from having a serious discussion with you to make sure you know you can always come to him for anything and then ends up helping you study might end up asking for help as well _(T-T*)

Huang Renjun

this boi seems really chill while at home

so i’d say that he mostly minds his business if you’re busy with school work like he’s probably in a corner painting or sumthin’ the lil artsy fairy that he is (❁´▽`❁)*✲ﾟ*

he does check up on you from time to time to make sure that you’re... you know... alive and breathing?? lol fun times huh

but still, silent comfort IS your love language ∩(︶▽︶)∩

so he kinda assumes that you ALREADY know he’s there for you at any time anywhere in any way you may ever need him

so when he hears a muffled sob from behind the door you’re studying in?

his heart BREAKS ꒰๑˃͈꒳˂͈๑꒱��*ﾞ̥

but he also doesn’t want to stress you out even more or scare you so he slowly enters the room to find you hunched over your desk

he hesitates for a moment as his chest just clenches in hurt while he watches your shoulders shake with muffled whimpers ˓˓(ᑊᘩᑊ⁎)

so he walks up to you and lays a gentle hand on your shoulder

he waited for a moment to make sure that you’re comfortable with his presence in such vulnerable moments

and the he just ENGULFS you in a firm embrace and you FINALLY get the chance to ground yourself as you let out all of the pent up frustration in the arms of the person you trust the most (๑◕︵◕๑)

he just pats your head and you bury your face in his chest and you just ✨melt✨ into each other

i don’t think he’d say much tbh (´°ω°`)

there’s a silent mutual understanding that all you need right now is someone- him to lean on when you’re too tired to hold yourself upright

as you start calming down he presses a kiss to your head before speaking softly but firmly

“you’re taking a break, come on let’s eat and then we can have a lazy evening for once” ε-(‘ﾍ´○)┓

“but-”

“oh we can finally try out the fluffy blanket we bought together last week”

he AIN’T TAKING NO FOR ANSWER!!! (￣ω￣)

you spend the evening wrapped up in each other under your blanket with a forgotten movie playing in the background while renjun hums a lullaby’s tune in your ear

Lee Jeno

he has a sixth sense for you

you can’t get away WITH ANYTHING ¯\_༼ᴼل͜ᴼ༽_/¯

you stub a toe: aw frick-

jeno, thousands of km away in the middle of rolling his hips into another dimension during practice: something’s wrong ಠ_ಠ

so i think he might notice even before you that you’re kinda breaching your limit

but ba(r)bie isn’t sure how to approach you without offending you since you’re kinda irritable because of the stress ofc he doesn’t blame you

so if he fails to stop you before your breakdown he’s gonna blame himself for sure tho so make sure to reassure him once you’re stable he’s gonna keep a VERY watchful eye over you ( ◉ 〜 ◉ )

he’s 100% READY to be there for you!!!!!

he has fluffy blankets, your favourite sweets and snacks, your preferred take out place on speed dial in case you’re hungry AND your comfort show prepared (•̀o•́)ง

what he isn’t prepared tho?

his OWN heart cracking at the sight of your pain and exhaustion (ಗдಗ)

he LITERALLY CAN’T stop the small whine building up in his chest as he strides over to your side for support

so when you wrap yourself around him like a lil koala, trembling in his hold and muttering through tears that it’s just too much-

his ULTIMATE protectiveness kicks in FULL MODE (ಢ⊱ಢ ｡)

he just scoops you up and burrito wraps you into the gigantic mound of blankets already prepared for you while pressing a lingering kiss to your forehead i promised i’d make it his trademark so here ;)

he *dashes* to bring over all of the snacks AND is already on the phone if you decided you wanted something to eat

basically bf jeno didn’t come to play ║ * ರ Ĺ̯ ರ * ║

spends the rest of the night literally PAMPERING you in anything you need

and most importantly... LOTS OF KITHES AND CUDDLES!!!!( *¯ ³¯*)♡

his baby deserves a chill and lovely night and he’s gonna provide exactly that and the absolute best for you :<

also jeno will gather all of his remaining braincells to help you the next of the day he really seems a smart kid in my opinion

Lee Donghyuck

hyuck is a LOVELY person don’t get me wrong (๑♡⌓♡๑)

but he’s also a tease so he might unintentionally push you to your limits with a few remarks

poor babe really didn’t realize you were going through it

so just imagine his panic once you just burst into tears after what should have been a harmless teasing from him (╬⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾ Д ⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾)

“ba-babe? what happened, did i go too far?? i’m so sorry my love, i just-”

he keeps on rambling and you just cry even harder cuz come on hyuck is just such a thoughtful boyfriend

“i’m really sorry y/n, please don’t cry, i’ll do ANYTHING-” ٩(´Д` ;)۶

you try to explain to him that he’s not at fault for your breakdown

obviously it’s not really comprehensible but it’s enough for hyuck to understand once he hears the words ‘stress’ and ‘exhausted’

he simply embraces you as tight as he can and reassures you that humans have their own limits (っ⇀⑃↼)っ

and that taking a break doesn’t invalidate your hard work and dedication

he understands how overworking can affect a person so he knows how to handle the situation

he proposes taking a hot bath once you’ve calmed down and he adds extra bubbles and a really nice smelling body wash (╯✧∇✧)╯

and after that- YOU’RE ON BED REST!! no excuses

if you protest? you wouldn’t dare

stops you with kisses all over your face before fully shutting you up with a soft but firm kiss on your lips o┤*｀3´*├o

you spend the entire rest of the day restrained in his hugs

you really scared him so he became a lil lot clingy

need to go to the bathroom? he INSISTS to piggyback you there since ‘you need all the rest you can possibly get’ (∪｡∪)｡｡｡

but i reckon you can’t complain since you have the chance to spend some quality time with your also busy boyfriend

my boy will also go to the ends of the world in order to help you the next day to study whether that means burning his own brain or gathering half of nct and his manager to get everything done in time (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و

Na Jaemin

it’s literally NO SURPRISE when i say that he’s PROTECTIVEx1000000 of his loved ones (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

so why would you even bother to hide anything from him??

it’s LITERALLY no use

he’s a very very doting person and he keeps tabs on you no matter what, sometimes even uncounciously

and if he’s not there physically? NO PROBLEM!!

texts and calls between he two of you are a very common occurence bubs just wants to make sure you’re well and happy (˃̵ᴗ˂̵)

so unless you’re a top class at acting, good luck in trying to play off your stress and tiredness

but let’s say that due to busy schedules and different timetables it somehow gets past him

babe will be so heartbroken (๑´•д • `๑)

his worry topples over as he freezes in your doorway for a moment at the sight of your defeated form and tear-stained papers

BUT he does a good job in keeping his composure because he can’t risk letting his emotions get the best of him when you need him ( •̀ω•́ )

so he just trudges up to you and SMOTHERS you in the tightest hug possible, tucking your head in his shoulder so you could cry freely hidden away from the rest of the world

he coos a few words here and there, encouragements, compliments, reassurement that ‘you’re more than enough, you just need to take a moment to relax and breathe’ ✧˖°ˈ·*ε-(๑˃́ε˂̀๑ )

otherwise, he’ll leave the talk for the next day when you’re rested both physically AND mentally

after you calm down he helps you put away all your school work you wouldn’t dare oppose him on this for the rest of the day

we all know what’s coming up i’m sorry

COMFORT FOOD!!!! (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧

he seats you on a kitchen stool while he cooks whatever you need at the moment, anything his baby wants

honestly he just adapts to whatever you need atm

cuddles in silence? works for him!! wanna ramble? there to listen!! want netflix and chill??? absolutely!!!!

Zhong Chenle

sooo from what i’ve gathered he’s not exactly emotional???

but also have you seen this absolute cutie when jisung was crying at the dream show?? babe was trying so hard to comfort his bff but he also seemed uh.. a bit awkward a bit? in a cute way tho!! (๑⁍᷄౪⁍᷅๑)

but i do think he’ll falter once he catches sight of your state!!!!

so many mental debates too!! (๑′°︿°๑)

‘they’re hunched over, did they fall asleep? wait shaking?? is it cold in here????... fuck no was that a sob?? do i... do i go over to comfort them? but how like do i hug or do i talk or..? what if they break up with me??? shit what have i done recently?? i washed the dishes, i cleaned the dog poop, i took out the trash.. it can’t be this’

my boy is going through THE CRISIS OF HIS LIFE (≖ლ≖๑ )

so he reluctantly walks up to you determined to help

but when he reaches you? *brain fart*

ends up patting your head and rubbing your back, but his touch manages to ground you without overwhelming you even further (っ⇀⑃↼)っ

if you end up pulling him into a hug tho, he won’t hesitate to hold you

while comforting you he finally notices your open notebooks filled with messy writing

he feels weirdly relieved that you’re not breaking up with him and neither is it something *tragic* •(◐﹏◐)•

he’ll let you cry it out before he asks if you’d like some help with your school work he asked fans to send their maths homework so he must be a nerd enough to be able to help you too

but you’re probably too drained（×ω×） to do anything so you two just settle for a cuddle session under a mountain of blankets

and daegal therapy!!!!!Ｏ(≧∇≦)Ｏ who probably loves you more than chenle and he ends up whining jokingly about it

chenle will probably focus on lifting up your mood with jokes and stories and he’d do anything to cheer you up

he might try to spoil you too

and he’s not letting you refuse the ton of food he orders since ‘you deserve to fill up your batteries’ ~~旦_(-ω-｀｡)

i’m sorry for your tummies after the ammount of sweets you shared

Park Jisung

ah nct’s certified crybaby(lovingly)

might just start crying with you because if you cry he cries too

i honestly see him a bit panicky in a delicate situation like this once where he has to deal with *emotions* (｡´>д<)っ彡☆

so he watches from a safe distance at first

literally jisung.exe has shut down

but then poor kid starts feeling guilty about just watching you suffer without helping and comforting you but he’s kinda scared that he’s only gonna make it worse (●’Д’●)

‘come on park jisung think!!! what would-... what WOULD JAEMIN DO!!’

*cue lighbulb going off above his head*

cue calling jaemin and getting scolded for being on the phone with him instead of being by your side but still giving his precious baby advice

jisung probably comes up with a speech before approaching you he’s nervous okay? ┌༼ σ ‸ σ ༽┐

he lays a hand on your head, gently caressing you and just as he takes a breath to start his speech, you just look up to him with THE kicked puppy eyes ༼ つ ◕ ‸ ◕ ༽つ and jisung is A GONER꒰ლ✘ㅿ✘ლ꒱

he MELTS into a puddle of uwus and just leans into you, opting for silent comfort and that’s how he found out that cuddles>>>>>>words

he kinda babbles a little while holding you words are hard ya know

he kinda rambles after you calm down too so now you have to calm him down you’re both messes but you’re cute so

so what is the most efficient way to shut him up? peck his lips!!!!

and as he melts into your hold he remembers that ‘wait!! i’m the one supposed to comfort them!!!!’ (•̀o•́)ง

so he throws his nerves out the window for a moment and just cups his entire world your face in his hands and pecks your all over your face

you end up watching some compilations with kitties or something on both your phones untill your batteries die so then you switch to another device gen z behaviour

he also probably gets a call from jaemin too and you figure out that your puss of a boyfriend had to call his friend in order to help you

so you give him that look <(｀^´)>

let’s say he’s taking you out for brunch the next day AND helping you with your school work

706 notes · View notes

jisungsplatforms · 4 years ago

Text

Dahlia

Pairing: Hwang Hyunjin x gn! reader

Genre: angst; hanahaki au, non idol au

Warning: language, mentions of cheating, tiny tiny spoilers & allusions to some of my other fics if you squint hard enough. Some elements of Felix x reader (purely platonic tho)

Note: this does NOT portray Stray Kids’ true personalities. This is all purely FICTIONAL

*this is one of my longest fics i’ve ever written so sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.

(Based off of (G) i-dle’s “Dahlia)

(Page II)

Dahlia:

“Signifies a lasting bond and commitment between two people;

symbolizes elegance, inner strength , change, and dignity...”

Hwang Hyunjin is bad news.

He’s a player, he’ll leave once he gets bored of you.

Hwang is no good for you. You deserve so much better, Y/n.

That was all you heard ever since you started dating Hyunjin. Different variations of it, all with the same connotation. People warned you, left and right, whenever they saw you two together. But you didn’t care, you choose to love him anyways, despite the rumors you’ve heard about him. It was all...

...Blind love. Sure, you fall in love fast, and every single time, you’ve been cheated on; but you knew that he was different, you could feel it. You had faith in Hyunjin.

Today was your one year anniversary. You sighed at the calendar hanging on your wall, a vase with a single dahila (given by Hyunjin a few weeks ago) sat on a table beside it.

“Did you know back then, lovers used to gift their beloved dahlias as a sign of everlasting love and commitment?” Hyunjin said with a pretty smile, holding a bouquet of a dozen dahlias.

“Oh really now?” you giggled, taking the bouquet into your hands. “Are you trying to tell me something?” You tilted your head, your eyebrows raised playfully.

“Hmm. Only that I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” he cheekily said. “And that I will love you, and only you, even for the our next 100 lifetimes.”

You writhed in giddiness, touched by his words. “I can’t wait then,” you said, planting a soft kiss onto his plump lips, the two of you smiling into the kiss.

That was a year ago; 3 months into your relationship, probably the happiest year you’ve ever had. Every day with Hyunjin felt magical, like it was too good to be true. He was nothing but gentle with you. He held your hand as if you were glass. His eyes stared into yours as if you had the shiniest of diamonds for eyes. His beautiful smile always made your heart flutter, but his kisses was what really did the job. You thought that you could never had enough of him. You were his princess and he’s your prince charming.

But little did you know that the magic will soon wear off...

You stared at your phone in sheer disappointment.

Sorry, I can’t make it today. Something really important came up and I can’t miss it.

-was what was written on your screen, sent by your boyfriend. Bringing the phone closer to your face, you replied.

Really? You can’t skip it? Or even do it later?

Nope. Sorry, babe. There’s nothing I can do.

Oh...okay then.

Cheer up, babe. We’ll just go on a date on another day! I’ll make it up to you. Promise! :)

‘Go on a date on another day’ For some reason, reading that message shot a pang of hurt through your chest. To you, it basically implied that today was supposed to be just ‘another date’ for you guys.

Did he...forget that it’s our one year today? you thought sadly at the possibility as you put your phone down. Shaking your head, you tried to erase the negative thoughts from your mind. No no no, Hyunjin wouldn’t have forgotten. He was the one who even arranged the date! You held your cheeks in your hands. Sighing, you stood up to leave your bedroom to get a glass of water, feeling a heaviness to your chest. A million thoughts ran through your head as you made your way to the kitchen.

Is it possible that he really did forget?

Is he lying to me?

Am I just overthinking things again?

Or did he finally get...bored of me?

Looking back, you started to think about how lately, Hyunjin has been cancelling and rescheduling your dates. Every time you text him, asking him to come over, he’d reply with something along the line of “can’t i’m busy. sorry.” Of course you felt hurt, but you always told yourself, he’s a busy man. We don’t always have to be together.

And of course, you werent oblivious to how every month, the amount of dahlias Hyunjin used to give you slowly decreased. Once a dozen dahlias became only 8. 8 slowly became half a dozen. Then 6 became only 3. But you’ve convinced yourself that you didn’t need flowers to determine how in love you were, telling yourself how expensive live flowers actually are, so it makes sense he’ll end up giving less flowers. That’s it. That’s what you’ve conditioned your mind to think.

You’ve convinced yourself that Hyunjin truly is a good guy.

You didn’t even realize you were already in your kitchen until you felt yourself holding the cup to your mouth, the cool liquid making it’s way down your esophagus. You put the cup onto the counter, mindlessly staring at it. Maybe your were just overthinking things. That’s it.

Trudging back to the bedroom, you sat on the edge of your bed, sighing heavily, trying to contain the tears that were threatening to come out. Your lit up with a notification.

—

From Lixie Ramsay 🧑‍🍳🍽

—

Hey Y/n, are you feeling well?

Seeing a text from Felix, you grabbed your phone.

Not really. How’d you know??

Idk. I guess you can call it...best friend telepathy :D

You smiled, typing in another reply.

Well thank GOD for bsf telepathy cause I feel like shit rn.

Overthinking again?

Yes :(

Aww sorry to hear that dude :((

Wait. What happened with Hyunjin? Isn’t it your anniversary today?

Your heart ached at the message, the good mood you were slowly feeling again plummeted. Luckily, Felix noticed how long you were taking to reply to him.

Ah nvm... Anyways, I’m pretty much free rn so that meeaannnsss...I’ll take you out on a date instead!

Even though you were wallowing in misery, you couldn’t help but tease him.

You? Pass

How rude. And here I am being the greatest friend anyone could ask for, and you have the audacity to be picky?

Have fun with your pity party then, best friend

You sniggered at his reply. No no. I’m sorry I’m sorry, I’ll take up your offer LOL

Good. Be ready in about 20 mins. I’m coming over so we can go to the café together!

Okayyy :D

You got up and put on a nice, but comfortable outfit to go out in with your best friend.

You were just sitting on your couch, awaiting for Felix’s arrival when you heard a knock on your door.

“Y/n! It’s meee~!” came his loud, deep voice. You chortled as you got up from your couch, making sure everything was secured before going to your door. You opened it to see Felix’s bright smile greeting you.

You giggled, opening the door wider. “‘Sup, bro,” you nodded your head. Felix returned the gesture.

“‘Sup. You ready?”

“Yup! Let’s go.” Before you could get out of your house, Felix stopped you.

“Wait wait! I have something for you!” he lightly pushed you back inside. Only then did you notice that he was holding a single sunflower in his left hand. Your eyes widened a little, confused.

“What’s this?” you asked.

“A sunflower!”

You rolled your eyes at him. “Duh, I know that, but what’s it for?”

Felix beamed. “Well, I knew that you were feeling sad today, and I heard from someone that sunflowers are known as “happy flowers”, so I thought that I should give you one! To cheer you up!”

You looked at the flower in awe, incredibly touched by his gesture. “Lix...” you trailed off, feeling happy tears beginning to prick your eyes. You took the sunflower from his hands and stared at it, already feeling the positive vibes radiating from it.

“I know, I know. I’m the bestest best friend anyone could ask for. Now let’s go! I’ve been dying to try the carrot cake in that new café a few blocks down!” Felix said, sliding his arm to yours, “I heard that they have one of the best carrot cakes in town.”

You looked up from the flower to look at him, grinning. “Thank you so much for this, dude. I really appreciate it.”

Felix shrugged with a small smile on his face. “It’s the least I could do. Really.” He waited for you as you locked your front door, arms still linked, then making your way to go to the café Felix has been dying to go to.

The two of you walked together, catching up on each other’s current events going on in your lives, seeing how you weren’t able to for the past two weeks. Right now, Felix was telling you about a certain crush he has in one of his classes.

“Ooh, so, have you tried asking them out? Or even just told them that you’re interested or something, in the very least?” you wiggled your eyebrows. In response, he sucked in his breath a little. His face contorted in a slight grimace.

“I...tried to...” He said with his teeth clenched. You looked at him in puzzled.

“What do you mean ‘tried to’, Lix?” you asked. “It’s either you did or you didn’t.”

Felix sighed in embarrassment, his mind wandering back to the memory. “I sorta might’ve accidentally revealed that I liked them but sorta might’ve got embarrassed and accidentally took it back?”

“What?” you deadpanned.

“Okay okay. It’s dumb. I know. But they were so SO cute just talking, TALKING, and it just slipped out, I guess!” he said, exasperatedly. “I really couldn’t help it! Honest! So, I just panicked and covered it up by saying ‘I’m so lucky to have a friend like you'”

You looked at him blankly, slowly unlinking your arms. “Oh no,” you sighed, slightly shaking your head. “Oh baby nooo...”

“Yeah. I’m pathetic, I know.”

You hummed in pity, patting his shoulder. “A little, yeah, but it’s okay. Things like that happen, unfortunately. Don’t worry though, it’s not like it’s the end of the world,” you grinned, “You’ll have a lot more chances to actually confess in the near future.”

Felix nodded, crooning. “You’re right, Y/n. Thanks,” he said, giving you a hug as he gave you his well-renowned sunshine-like smile that you couldn’t help but smile back.

“No problem.”

Topic after topic, the two of you were so immersed in your conversation that you guys arrived at the café.

“Finally!” you cheered. “That was a surprisingly long walk.”

Felix sighed. “For real. But on the bright side: carrot cake!”

“Is the carrot cake even that good?”

“Dunno. Only one way to find out!” Felix walked a few steps ahead of you to open the door for you when he suddenly stopped. His whole body went rigid. In a blink of an eye, he turned around, gently pushing you away from the building. “Darn. What a shame, it’s full today. Oh well,” he frantically stated.

You glanced back behind him to check the inside yourself, only to see that it was only half full.

“What’re you talking about? There’s totally enough space for us. Let’s go.”

Felix’s face was full of dread. His body was stiff, his eyes shook a little as he maintained eye contact with you. He was nervous, and you could tell.

“You’re not okay. Is there someone in there you wanna avoid?” you said in urgency.

“Uhm. You could say that,” he murmured, looking down. Looking back up to see if there were any shifty looking faces that were in desperate need of a beating, your heart dropped in horror and dispair. Through the window, you saw Hyunjin, your boyfriend, sitting with a pretty looking lady. You watched them with woeful eyes as they smiled and laugh with each other. You couldn’t believe it, you didn’t want to. You wanted to believe that this was all a misunderstanding. You only snapped out of it when you felt Felix’s small, warm hands.

“Let’s-uh- let’s just go, yeah?” he said quietly. Nodding mindlessly, you let him lead to somewhere else. Anywhere but here. Felix rubbed your back, trying to give you any kind of hug he could give you as you walked away. You tried your best to push back the cough making it’s way to your throat. Good thing Felix was guiding you the entire way, others you would’ve fallen due to your blurry eyesight.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered into your ear. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

It’s okay. You have nothing to apologize for, is what you wanted to tell him. But you couldn’t, for if you do, you might end up breaking down in the middle of the streets. You breathed heavily, containing both your tears and the pressure down in your chest and throat.

You snuggled closer to your thick blankets, trying to assimilate the warm you crave for from it. Felix was by your side, rubbing soothing circle to your back. You guys never went to go to another café. Instead, he led you home, seeing how it wasn’t the right time for you two to go out. You appreciated his gesture. It makes you wonder why can’t every guy be like your best friend, your brother, your soulmate. Felix let out a long exhale.

“Man, I-I’m sorry you had to see that, especially on your anniversary,” he soft said. Felix was furious, not only at Hyunjin, but himself as well. He felt like he couldn’t protect you, like he failed as your best friend.

“It’s okay, Lix. I’m fine,” you murmured. “Actually,” you paused, “I’m not fine. But you don’t have to apologize for something like this. This had nothing to do with you.”

“I know,” he sighed. “Im just frustrated, you know. I’m mad that you’re hurting like this.”

“Yeah me too,” you said emptily. “I just hope that this was just a misunderstanding.”

“He better damn well make sure that it’s just a misunderstanding,” he grumbled. “Otherwise i’m gonna have to settle some things with him. Hope he knows that i’m a black belt in Taekwondo.”

You snorted. “Thanks, Felix.”

“I will have a ‘chat’ with him. Mark my words.”

You laughed at him. You could faintly feel the angst in your heart lessen, but not completely go away. Hearing your front door unlock, you stiffened. You tried your best to not look at it.

“Babe! I’m here!” Hyunjin’s voice rang at the entrance. You felt Felix’s hold on your form tighten. Hyunjin walked closer to you two.

“Hey, Felix,” he said flatly. “didn’t know you were coming here.”

“Hmm.” Felix nodded his head, not even trying to make eye contact with the tall brunette. Hyunjin nodded back in annoyance.

“Anyways, you can leave now,” he sneered with his jaw clenched. “Your job is done. Now it’s my turn to spend time with my beloved.”

Both you and Felix tensed at his words. He looked down to look for your approval. Seeing your unsure nod, he hesitantly let go of you, watching you as he does so.

“It’s okay,” you mouthed to him. He made a sharp breath as he stood up, still refusing to look Hyunjin in the eye.

“Goodbye,” Felix called out, more to you than the other. You felt a sense of foreboding when you heard the door shut. From your side, Hyunjin let out a harsh groan.

“Finally,” he said, sitting down as he wrapped his arm around you. You couldn’t let yourself relax in his arms like how you’d usually to. You just felt uneasy in his presence right now. “So? How was you day? Missed me?” Hyunjin asked. You couldn’t take it anymore. You couldn’t bring yourself to pretend anymore.

“Are you cheating on me?” you more declared than asked as you sat up straight. Hyunjin’s eyes widened for a millisecond, a flash of fear in his eyes, but he just played it off.

“How could you accuse me of something like that?” he said, defensively. “I’m your boyfriend. Don’t you trust me?”

You bit your lip nervously. “I saw you, Hyunjin. At the café.” His face contorted in panic but quickly masked it as disbelief.

He scoffed, “Well you saw wrong, Y/n. That was just a friend, I would NEVER cheat on you.” He shook his head disappointingly, removing his arm from you. “I can’t believe that you would ever doubt me, babe. I’m actually really hurt by this right now.”

You felt a wave of guilt rush over you.

“Oh...I’m sorry,” you muttered. “I just thought-“

“You thought what? That the rumors were true?” Hyunjin laughed sarcastically. “Man, and here I thought that you were different.”

Your eyes teared up even more as the guilt inside your chest increased. Was I really wrong? you thought. “No! I’m-I’m sorry, Hyunie! I didn’t know! I just felt hurt because today was su-”

“Yeah, yeah. It’s okay. Let me just, be alone for a while, Y/n.” Hyunjin quietly got up and walked out of your house. You walked as he slammed the door on his way out, wrapping the blanket tighter around you. You were starting to regret letting Felix leave. The air around turn colder in your empty apartment.

It was supposed to be our one year anniversary, you thought, finally letting your tears out. And yet again, you tried controlling the tickling down your throat.

“He told you WHAT?” Felix exclaimed, looking at you incredulously. You had to shush him when you noticed some of the other people in the coffe shop giving you both tiny glares.

“He told me that it was just a friend that he had to me,” you said, quietly. “And that he would never cheat on me. He also said that felt hurt that I didn’t trust him, so I felt bad cause he did looked super upset.”

Felix rolled his eyes as he let out a sardonic “ha��. “That’s rich. Coming from him?” You let out a tiny pout.

“I don’t know, Lix. He seemed like he was telling the truth though?”

“Yeah, seemed, Y/n. I don’t know if you should trust him anymore. And besides, it even sounded like he was trying to make you feel bad instead of apologizing.”

“Well yeah cause-” Felix cut you off, holding up his hand to stop you from saying anything else.

“That’s gaslighting, bud. A huge red flag if you ask me. He didn’t even remember that it was your anniversary!”

Scrunching your eyebrows, you pondered upon Felix’s words. You knew he was right, but you really wanted to give Hyunjin the benefit of a doubt. All of a sudden, you felt a pressure in your chest. In need of relief, you coughed into the juncture of your arm. Felix winced in pity.

“Ooh, sounds nasty. You good there?”

You nodded as you continued coughing, giving him a thumbs up. Once you finish with your fit, you cleared your throat a little, grabbing the water bottle beside you to drink.

“Mhmm, yeah. Just a tickle, that’s all.”

“You sure? You’ve started coughing since yesterday,” Felix stated. “Are you sure you aren’t getting sick cause of the weather or stress or something?”

“Uhh nah. I don’t think so,” you said. “I’m sure it’s nothing.”

Felix hummed, totally unconvinced by your reasoning. He knew deep down something was wrong; he just didn’t know what. It was quiet for a while until Felix up at the window and let out a little gasp. You raised your eyebrows at this, silently asking him what’s wrong. He glared a little at the window before turning to you.

“Hate to do this but look. Behind you, don’t make it obvious.”

You slightly turned your head to see what he was looking at. Your eyes widened. You saw Hyunjin and the same girl from 2 days ago, passing by at the other side of the window, hand in hand. You watched in disbelief as the girl tipped toed to kiss his cheek while he giggles. You quickly turned your head in the other direction to avoid him as they walked by, feeling the pressure in your chest worsen. It hurt even more when you remember the small bouquet of dahilas in her hands. You felt your eyes burning with tears, sucking in deep breaths. Turns out that that was a mistake.

You calming yourself back-fired. You ended up having a coughing fit; but it didn’t feel like any cough you’ve ever had. It felt way heavier, like you were almost suffocating. Bringing a fist to your chest, you pounded on it as if it would help. You didn’t know if the tears in your eyes was from the couch or seeing your bastard of a boyfriend. You couldn’t even open them so you opted to just keeping them shut .

“Y/n?!” Felix yelled out in alarm. You felt him come up behind you, rubbing your back. “Oh shit...” you heard him breathed out. You slowly opened your eyes and turned to him. He looked frantic, but he wasn’t staring at you, rather on the floor. You looked back to see dahlia petals on the floor.

Huh? you thought in bewilderment. Last time you checked, there wasn’t any plants in the shop, aside for the plastic Swiss Cheese plants in the corners of the place, if they even count at all.

Felix noticed your gaze on the petals. “That shit’s from you,” he pointed out. “We need to get you to a hospital. ASAP.”

You looked at him weakly. “But-“

“NOW, Y/n.”

“I- what?” you gasped in horror.

“You’ve, unfortunately, contracted the Hanahaki Disease,” the doctor announced in sympathy. Felix rushed you to the nearest hospital after your little scene. When you arrived there and told the receptionist at the entrance, she immediately paged you to the emergency room. You were scared. You didn’t know what was so urgent to rush you to an emergency room.

“Hantahapki? What the hell is that?” Felix asked, coming out rather aggressively. He was horrified; who wouldn’t be if they witnessed their best friend coughing out flower petals.

“Hanahaki,” the doctor subtly corrected, “It’s a rare disease that makes you cough out petals. Not many people gets it.”

Your heart beak was fast. If it was rare, then who knows what could happen.

“Okay, Hanahaki. So do you know how Y/n got it?”

The doctor removed her glasses and put it on the desk beside her. “Well, though it is a rare disease, we do know enough about it,” she declared. “The Hanahaki disease, fortunately, isn’t contagious and is only produced from unrequited love.”

You let out a shaky sigh. “So it is true. He doesn’t love me anymore,” you muttered. You felt the familiar pressure in your chest so you relieved yourself, petals spewing as you coughed. Felix immediately rubbed your back in alarm.”

“Is there anyway to treat it, doc?” he worriedly questioned. The doctor nodded.

“Yes actually. One option is for the patient’s love to be returned by the recipient,” your heart dropped a little hearing this “-or the other is to undergo surgery.”

“Surgery?” you both inquired at the same time.

The doctor nodded again. “Yes, surgery, our safest option. However, doing so will result in Y/n loosing all feelings of love altogether.”

“So what you’re saying is,” you said slowly. “-if I do the procedure, I won’t be able to love again?”

“Unfortunately, yes. Romantic love that is. You can still love people platonicly, like your friend over here,” she said gesturing to Felix. “Family and friends, basically. You just can’t have romantic feelings for anyone else, even if you really wanted to.”

You and Felix looked at each other in sorrow. “I,” Felix started off, “really think you should do it.”

You bit your lip as you shook your head. “I don’t know. This is a pretty big decision. Can’t I just, like, think about it for a while? Before I really decide if I want to do this?”

“Of course you can, Y/n,” the doctor said. “Just don’t take too long making a decision, okay? Because it will kill you, if you don’t decide on time.”

The two of you looked up at her in horror. “KILL?!”

She winced a little at your loud voices, prompting the two of you to apologize. “Yes, kill. Those aren’t just petals coming out of no where.” She gestured to the pile between the tree of you. “They have to produce somewhere. At first they’ll start of as a little bud, that’s why as of now, you’re only coughing out several petals each cough, eventually getting bigger and bigger until the flower in your lungs fully bloom, which could end up bursting out of your chest.”

Felix turned to you in pure terror, slightly shaking you. “I REALLY think you should do the surgery today.” You brushed him off of you.

“Okay yeah, that’s terrifying, but I won’t be able to love ever again, Lix!” you countered. He look at you like you were crazy.

“You won’t be able to feel ANYTHING if you don’t!”

You contemplated on the situation. You didn’t know what to do. The doctor interrupted your train of thoughts.

“Don’t worry, Y/n you have about a few weeks minimum to make a decision. Luckily you came to us the day you started coughing out the petals. Otherwise, if it happened earlier and you kept it to yourself, you might’ve...you know.” You shook your head in acknowledgment.

“Yeah. Okay, thank you, doc.”

It’s been 5 days since you’ve been to the hospital; 5 days you’ve been diagnosed with the Hanahaki Disease; 5 days since you’ve last seen Hyunjin.

You still weren’t sure if you wanted to undergo the procedure. Felix said that this was the best option, but you didn’t want to listen. You still had hope in your heart that maybe, just maybe, Hyunjin still loves you deep down. You heard your phone ding from the table. You picked it up and saw that is was from your “boyfriend”.

Hey! Haven’t seen each other in a while. Wanna talk?

Your heart sped up. You didn’t know if it was from excitement that he finally contacted you, or fear that you might end up finding out the whole truth. Your fingers typed out a reply.

Yeah, come over today. I’ve missed you

Liar, you thought to yourself.

Sure! See you soon!

You typed out your final reply, burying your face into the throw pillows.

A knock was heard from your door, signaling Hyunjin’s arrival. You tensed buy quickly calmed yourself down. You got up to let him in. You were greeted by his big smile, which you knew now was fake.

“Hey, babe! I’ve missed you!” he cheered.

Fucking liar. Putting one a fake smile, you said a quick “miss you too” and let him in. Closing the door, you gave yourself a mental pep talk before going straight to the point. You turned around to face him

“You’re cheating on me,” you stated, emotionlessly. You didn’t even say it as if it was a question, you knew. Hyunjin looked panic before composing himself.

“Again, Y/n? I told you, it-”

“I SAW YOU, HYUNJIN!” you cried out, not even containing your emotions anymore. “I SAW YOU OUTSIDE OF THE CAFÉ. I SAW YOU HOLDING HANDS. I SAW HER KISS YOU AND YOU DIDNT PUSH HER AWAY. IN FACT, IT LOOKED LIKE YOU ENJOYED IT.” You walked quickly towards him to push his chest.

“WHAT’S WORSE WAS THAT I SAW THE DAHLIAS YOU GAVE HER, A FLOWER THAT YOU SAID WAS SPECIAL TO US!” you fell to the floor, sobbing. The jig was up, Hyunjin knew.

“I trusted you Hyunjin...I really did. I even convinced myself that you weren’t like the rumors said,” you said weakly, already too tired to scream. “I love you. How could you do this to me?”

Hyunjin watched as you broke down. He didn’t know what to say; how to comfort you. He couldn’t even lie to you anymore. He felt bad for you. But he could’nt deny that he’s lost feelings for you.

“I’m sorry...”

Hearing this made you cry even more, you cradled your chest as you sank deeper to the floor. He didn’t even deny it. He didn’t even try comforting you. You heard his heavy footsteps leave your house, closing the door behind him. Your heart lurked even more. So this is it, you thought.

It hurts.

It hurts so fucking bad.

You were used to being cheated and lied to, so why did it? You clutched your burning chest, trying to regulate your breathing. More tears spilled out of your eyes.

It was because you genuinely loved Hyunjin.

You couldn’t take it anymore, you started wheezing out the dahlia petals out of your chest. A bunch of petals flew out of your mouth. You couldn’t breathe. It was too much. You crawled to your phone to call Felix. It rang once, twice, before he finally answered.

“Y/n?”

You could’ve even speak anymore, the room started spinning, your vision started blurring.

“Lix...hospital...” you managed to let out before collapsing.

“Y/n? Y/n!”

You woke up to the sound of beeping. You looked around and noticed that you weren’t home anymore. You tried getting up, flinching when the IV bag connected to you stopped you.

Ah, I’m at the hospital.

You laid back down and relaxed, trying to relive what happened last time you were awake. All you remember were blurry images of you crying, petals, hearing Felix’s panicked voice, then nothing. You eyes shot open at the thought.

Felix?!

You looked around the room to finally see him sleeping in the corner. You could faintly distinguish the dried tear marks on his freckled face.

He must’ve been here for a while.

The door know turned to reveal the same doctor to diagnosed you a few days prior. “Hello, Y/n,” she greeted, standing by your bed. “Seems like you’re doing well now.” You nodded. You tried speaking to answer her, only to find that you couldn’t because of how dry your throat was. The doctor noticed this and shook her head.

“Don’t. Just rest, it’s okay.”

You bowed you head as a slight thank you. She walked closer to you to pat your head.

“Congratulations, the procedure was a success.”

You eyes widened at the implication. So that’s why you’re here. It all made sense now. You have her a smile as you gave a raspy “thank you.” She talked to you for a while before deciding to leave you to rest a little more. She announced you could be discharged from the hospital by tomorrow.

You felt a little disappointed that you couldn’t love anymore, but still overall glad that you’re still alive. You glanced at the papers the doctor left on the table beside you, grabbing it to read it a little just to see that is was just your information. Beside it, you saw that she also left a cup of water for you. You gulped it down, letting out a relieved “ah” went you finished.

You didn’t want to think about anything right now, and you sure as hell didn’t even want to think about your now ex-boyfriend. You closed your eyes to think about what went wrong in your life. Especially now that you have to live without loving anything the way you want to. You contemplated with an emptiness in your chest.

Our love is-

“...however, they do carry negative connotations;

betrayal, dishonesty, instability.”

-Dahlia

—————————————————————————

(Case #XX1-

Name: Y/n L/n

Patient: Cured; Discharged: XX,XX,XXXX at XX:XX)

——————————————————————————

(Back to Page I)

A/N: PHEW FINALLY DONE WITH THE FIRST PART OF THE SERIES. IVE BEEN EXCITED TO WRITE THIS FIC FOR A LOOONG TIME. (G) I-dle’s “Dahlia” is what inspired me to start the Hanahaki series so THANK YOU MINNIE

#stray kids #skz #stray kids fanfic #skz scenarios #skz imagines #stray kids scenarios #stray kids imagines #stray kids angst #skz hyunjin #hyunjin imagines #hyunjin angst #hyunjin x reader #skz felix #hwang hyunjin #lee felix #skz hanahaki au

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blackberry-gingham · 4 years ago

Note

This is a bit personal but how about beatle x reader headcannons/imagines of how the boys would react to their reader feeling self conscious about their body

No problem at all! So, I've seen this trope done quite a bit on other headcannon type pages for other fandoms, and since body insecurity is something very serious to me that I myself use to (and still do) deal with, I wanted to try and take this a little deeper then "you're sad, they tell you you're beautiful, the end", so I'm sorry if these get a touch angsty, but I promise everything works out ❤️

Also, I'm so sorry this took so long dear! These are somewhere between headcannons and my usual imagines, so I hope they're alright enough to make up for the wait! And remember, you're amazing and wonderful, just the way you are ❤️❤️❤️

George

Personally, I feel like George is sort of ?? forgotten ??? Of all the boys

By that I mean, like even non Beatle fans know Paul and John, and they might know Ringo just bc that name stands out, but George???

I mean, ik back before I was a fan I could never remember who "the fourth one" was

So anyway, even tho he's kind of in the background compared to the other three, that doesn't mean he's not sensitive to how the others are treated/feeling

At the end of the day I think he'd be his usual self and a good, sympathetic ear to insecurity issues

When he finds out, it's kind of an overtime process

He's use to bringing you snacks and take a little break like that with you, especially after a long day of recording or practice

But lately, you've been... Strange about it

Either straight up turning him down, or picking at the food and not really touching anything

He asks what's wrong, as gently as he can, seeing as he honestly already suspects the answer

You and George have been together for a while now, and he's always been easy to talk to, and understanding if you don't feel like sharing, so you feel that you can be honest

"I'm just... Trying to watch my figure, you know?"

He just kind of looks at you, confused at first

"Why?"

His face is hard to read, and yet still manages to turn to a completely different, very serious, emotion

"Has someone said something to you?"

You now have his full attention as he puts aside his guitar

You assure him that no, it's just a personal thing

"Oh", he nods

"Yeah", you nod

You're not sure how this makes you feel. Perhaps you're glad it's over, but you can't help but feel... Shunned?

But before you can ruminate too much, George brushes off his lap as though he's about to stand

Instead he sits back and looks at you

"Come here"

His voice is serious, but not quite stern

Invitingly, he becons you over and nods towards his lap

You look from his face to his long, thin legs

At first you decline, brushing it off almost as a joke

You look to your own legs

He can't be serious?

He asks you again, "Come on, I want to show you something"

At this point your curiosity is peaked

You get up and approach cautiously, as though he might run away

When the moment of truth arrives, you slowly, s l o w l y, begin to sit

Tired of waiting, George hooks his hands under your knees and pulls you forward

You fall onto his lap with a little thud and you figure this is it, expecting him to shove you off

Instead, when nothing happens, you dare to peak your scrunched up eyes open and see his smile waiting for you

He leans in for a gentle kiss, all the while his hands are resting on your thighs

His legs are like iron, not uncomfortable to sit on, quite the opposite actually, but strong in a way you hadn't expected

When the kiss is broken, he slides his palms up and out until they're resting on your hips

His callused fingers tickle a little, even through the fabric of your clothes

"So um, what were you going t-?"

He shushes and you, and picks up your hand in his

George brings the heel of your palm a mere inch away from his lips

He pauses just for a moment, making direct eye contact with you, before turning back to his work

He presses a trail of kisses along the inside of your arm, to the crook of your elbow, and up your bicep

You shiver, tensing as he goes up

But he doesn't recoil, or hesitate, or do anything of the sort

He gives equal love and attention to every inch of your flesh as he goes, only stopping at your shoulder to make sure you're still alright

As though giving permission, you bite your lip and give a subtle nod, curious to see what happens next

George releases your arm, now dedicating both hands to massaging your hips with all the thumb dexterity of a skilled guitarist

Next he moves along your shoulders, dropping down just a moment to give some attention to the bump of your collar bone

When he's done there, he lingers on your neck, gently kissing and sucking up and down before settling in one spot

After a moment, he starts humming a familiar tune against your skin

"Do you this song?", His voice is just a whisper

"Hm?"

"It's one of the first songs we wrote together"

George pulls back again to look at your face...

"As much as I love you for what's out here"

...Then presses one more kiss to your lips

"I love you even more for what's in here"

He kisses your forehead

Finally he pulls back one more time, and the way he looks at you is as though all the love in the world is inside those eyes

"Never forget that. Promise me"

You seal your promise with a kiss

John

Ok so I think we all know John struggled with an eating disorder(s)

So he knows the whole nine yards of what it's like being "overweight", "underweight", somewhere in between, and still never being good enough for everyone else

I mean John is basically infamous for having been body shamed and criticized out of all the boys, particularly in the early years

So all this to say, he knows how awful it feels

To wake up in the morning, try to get dressed, and take forever to choose an outfit because you hate how everything looks on you

To look in the mirror and be unable to stand your own reflection

To think once, twice, and yes, even thrice before enjoying your favorite little snack, or even just a regular meal

He wouldn't wish it on his worst enemy

And when he finds out that you, the most lovely person in the world, feel that way...

Oh, his heart breaks

All the boys would take this quite seriously of course, but John simply has a certain... understanding that the others don't

He finds out one night on a dinner date with you

You've picked at everything all night, hardly a bite

This is starting to form a pattern, and rest assured, he has been noticing

At the end of the meal, he asks if everything was alright in a way that references much more then the food

"Oh yes, fine", you force that same smile you always give when he asks that question

He waits until you're both in the comfort of your flat to breach the topic

You see, John is a man of many faces

The first layer is prickly and aggressive, the second is a mischievous joker, the third a sweet, but anxious individual

And under all those masks, the real John, is the most compassionate and loving man you've ever met

So when he does ask you what's really going on, he's very serious and very gentle

He wants you to know that you're safe to tell him anything and that he wants to help with whatever is so very clearly bothering you

It's tough to get it out, but John is patient and encouraging all the while and you manage it

You're surprised to hear that he suspected as much

John tries to go a little deeper, asking of there's anything particular that makes you feel this way or if it's just a constant thing

Regardless of your answer, he offers you what advice he can, from both personal experience and what he learned from his therapy sessions

John's not too great at comforting speeches, but he'll be damned if he doesn't do everything he can to make sure you know just how much he loves you

He loves you for your heart, and how patient and kind you are with not just him, but everyone

He loves you for your mind, and how you too can have deep conversations about topics that are important to you both

And perhaps most of all, he loves you for your personality and how you can poke a bit of fun, just like he does, and you aren't afraid to put him in his place when he's being an arse

"Is there anything I can do for you love?"

You smile, feeling just a bit better after his speech

"How's about a cuddle?"

John grins cheekily, "Now you're talking!"

He half tackles you from his seat beside you, turning your seated position into a reclining one

You can't help but laugh playfully as he easily picks you up in a bear hug and slips under you so you can rest on top of him

He presses a kiss to your cheek

"How's that?"

You smirk back

"It's a start"

John gasps in mock disbelief at your remark

You just wrap your arms around his shoulders, snuggling against him

"Well then, I guess I'll just have to keep it up"

At that, he nuzzles the side of your face, glad to see you finally feeling relaxed

John give you one more squeeze in his strong arms, holding you close

You two spend the rest of the evening cuddled up and cozy until you fall asleep in each other's arms

Paul

Now it's no secret Paul has always been the "pretty one" of the Beatles

I mean heck, even in the freaking cartoon he has the least goofy and caricature esque face of all the boys

But personally I would imagine that he's felt a certain pressure from time to time to keep up his looks!

It would be quite draining for everyone to have this flawless image of you and then expect you to live up to it 24/7, so in that regard he understands struggling with feeling less then perfect

And certainly with feeling subpar when others just expect far too much!

The night it comes out, the two of you have plans to attend a soiree of sorts

Music, lights, dancing, champaign, the hosts are pulling all the stops and it'll be absolutely a black tie affair

You've got a very fancy dress for the occasion that you got as a gift from Paul some time ago, it's all sparkly, exquisite, and your favorite color to boot

And it... "fits"

As in, you can zip it up and move and breathe comfortably in it, but it just....

Paul finds you standing in front of the full length mirror, mascara beginning to run quietly down your face as you tug and smooth and pull the dress in varying places

He's honestly a bit panicked and confused at first. After all, he does hate to see you upset, let alone cry

"is something wrong love? Do you not like that one? There's plenty of time to change!"

"it's nothing! Just an eyelash"

You try to laugh it off and hope that he'll just leave you alone

You see, Paul has been talking about this shindig for weeks in advance

It's hosted by a good friend, many more of which will be in attendance tonight

Not to mention he hardly ever gets to do something nice away from the press, so you're trying very hard not to ruin things for him

Paul walks over to you, concern written all over his face

"No really, what's wrong?"

You try to wave him off, but he takes you gently by the shoulders and looks you square in the eye

He looks around your beautiful eyes, searching, and it almost feels as though he can read your mind

At last he says "You don't want to go?"

With that, you just can't manage to hold a brave face any longer and the tears come rolling down

Without another word, Paul guides you to a seat on the bed and returns swiftly with some tissues

He dries your eyes as best he can and thumbs a soothing circle on your hand, giving you space to tell him what's on your mind

When you've had the chance to situate yourself, you tell him that you don't mind the party it's just that the way you feel in that dress, in fact, in all your dresses is just...

Paul nods understandingly as you trail off, and the two of you sit in silence for a moment

You're concerned you've upset him and ask as much

"What? No, of course not love!"

"But I know how much you want to g-"

Paul shushes you and brings a hand up to stroke your cheek

"I don't care about some stupid party, nothing matters more to me then you. I mean that"

He tilts his head and smiles at you

"Tell you what? We'll just skip it and have some fun right here!"

For a moment you're afraid he's doesn't mean it, but there's a childlike gleam in his eyes and grin on his face that tells you he not only means it, but is excited at the prospect

You're still a little doubtful that you haven't made him upset, but Paul reassures you until you're able to take him at his word

Absolutely relieved, you agree and wipe away your last few tears

"Good. Now let's get this off you, eh?"

Paul helps you take out your jewelry as well as undoing the far too complicated latches, ribbon, and zipper on the back of the dress

His delicate fingers slide up and down the length of your neck and back reverently as he works, planting gentle kisses to the nape of your neck every so often

With the hardest part over, and ever the gentleman, he gives you space to slip it off and put on something more comfortable

When next you see him, he's putting on a sweet and slow record, something like what you would've probably heard tonight

He's removed his suit jacket, tie, and shoes and when he turns to see you in your adorable PJs he smiles at you like you're the belle of the ball

"Ahem, may I have this dance?"

He bows low and offers you his hand, peaking up at you for just a moment to shoot you a playful grin

You laugh at his silly antics and give in happily to the charade

Paul leads you in a steady waltz around and around the room, the two of you stealing kisses and suppressing laughter all the while

When the record comes to an end, you both collapse on the couch and catch your breath

By now, you're fully confident you've had more fun just now then you would've all night had you gone

After a minutes rest, Paul hops up from his seat

"Just a minute, I forgot something... Wait right here!"

He darts off around the bend and when next you see him, he's carrying two flutes of champagne

Paul takes a seat beside you again and hands you yours

"I was saving this for when we got back, thought we could leave early and enjoy the rest of the evening alone"

You smile, touched by the thoughtfulness and still riding the high of the previous activities

Finally, you propose a toast

"To my amazing, lovely boyfriend"

Paul smiles at you with adoration. You mean so much more to him then a mere toast could describe

"To my love, the most gorgeous dance partner in the world"

Ringo

Idk if this is/was a thing, or if it's just something I've noticed, but Ringo seems to be the butt of the joke, particularly in regards to his appearance, a lot

Like he's the "short" one and he's got that nose

I only ever see him take it like a champ and all in good fun, and laid back as he is, it doesn't seem to hold him back but I'm sure he'd understand feeling insecure about ones body/looks

But for you to be insecure???

He just??????

When Ringo finds out, he's honestly the most bewildered of all

He finds you sat against the wall, hunched up and crying, half clothed, and a mess of clothing strewn around you

Usually whenever something's bothering you, you know you can bring it to him.

He's always there for you, after all

So to see you like this, he's absolutely terrified that something truly awful has happened

In that moment, thanks to his roaring adrenaline, he goes from rock star to olympic sprinter and dashes to your side so quickly it's as though he teleported

"What's wrong love, what's wrong?"

He holds your face up to look at him and quickly checks over you to make sure you're not injured or sick in some way

When he sees the pain in your eyes, he's nearly crying too

He wants so desperately to help you, and take all your troubles and worries away this very moment.

Even if it meant he had to shoulder the suffering for you, he'd do it in a heartbeat, no doubt

You feel rather embarrassed to be caught like this, and even worse still to see your boyfriend so upset on your behalf

This takes you back to square one, crying and nonverbal for a bit longer

Luckily, Ringo catches on that him getting upset is only going to make you more upset, so he settles himself and holds you until you're ready

When you are ready, you manage to choke out your insecurity, trusting him as you always do

And when he hears you're insecure about your body, or even your looks in general, he is just....

Ringo.exe has stopped working

Mind, it not that he doesn't understand your feelings!!

It's just that you are so completely and absolutely beautiful and kind and so much more to him, that he simply cannot fathom the idea of holding the opinion of you as any less

"is it the clothes? Because forget the damn clothes" He takes a handful and throws them up and away, like confetti

"I'll buy you a whole new closet if you like! W-would you like that?"

He smiles hopefully at you, as though you truly would like that, and it'll solve all your problems

You simply shake your head

And, after moment, Ringo starts to understand

He sits with you silently for a moment, the gravity of your feelings is so important to him that he's not sure plain old him has something good enough to say

But he knows he wants to say something

So, he meditates on it for a moment, and decides he can only tell you the truth

"Well... you know that I love you, yeah? Sometimes I wonder how a guy like me got so lucky to be with a right angel like you.... And so do the lads"

He laughs that deep, silly laugh you love so much

"Why, I think you're the loveliest girl in all of England er uh, no, all the world!"

That earns a little smile from you

You're about to respond when you catch a shiver

You're only down to your undergarments after all, and it's a bit drafty

Ringo notices and before any mention can be made, he sets to work at removing his sweater, eager to make sure you're cared for

It seems to be putting up a bit of a fight, but he manages to come out on top

"Er uh, will this be ok? I know you're fed up with clothes right now, but I don't want you to freeze neither"

He's genuinely concerned about your feelings in the subject, even as he holds the garment out to you

Buuuut... It's cozy and oversized on you, plus it smells comfortingly of him, so you take it

"Hey, that looks better on you then it does me!"

He laughs again, the state of him made a bit more comical by his now frizzed up mop top

You point the issue out to him, grinning yourself, and he shakes it out like a dog

Which, of course, only makes it ten times worse

For the first time that day, you laugh, and it's the most beautiful sound Ringo's ever heard

Feeling a bit better now, Ringo helps you stand and offers you some tea downstairs

You take a few steps, and then stop feeling the draft give rise to some goose bumps all up your legs

"Maybe I should get some pants..."

At the mere suggestion, Ringo looks at you like he has a bright idea and immediately goes to undo his belt

You burst out laughing, and stop him

He's confused at first, but when he realizes his own absurdity in his effort to be helpful, he can't help but laugh a little too

In the end, you come to the conclusion that a blanket and a cuddle on the couch will do nicely instead... Which is exactly what you do

Ringo spends the rest of the day keeping you entertained, warm, and covered in kisses

#the beatles #beatles x reader #john lennon x reader #paul mccartney x reader #ringo starr x reader #george harrison x reader #tw eating disorder mention #comfort #angst

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idyllicstarker · 4 years ago

Text

“Come on, let’s go on a drive” • Starker

Warnings: One use of foul language, one comment with implict sexual connotations, otherwise none, just a healthy douse of fluff

“Come on, let’s go on a drive.”

Peter blinked surprised, head lifting from the soft pillow underneath his cheek, to look over his boyfriend. Tony was kneeling on the edge of the bed with a soft smile, his eyes still looked clouded with sleep, as he beckoned Peter to get up. The man was still in the boxers he’d slept in, but he looked as serious as ever.

Peter shifted under the sheets, hand reaching out to tap his phone screen, squinting at the sudden light as he tried to make out what the time read.

“It's 2am Tony”, he said quietly, rolling over again to face him.

“Okay.. so let’s go on a drive.”

Peter let out a tired laugh, shaking his head. “Come back to bed love, you were asleep five minutes ago.”

“Yes but you weren’t”, Tony stressed, his voice no louder than a whisper. Crawling forward he placed a kiss to Peter’s head. “I know you’re worrying over your final grades. So, I thought we could go on a little drive, I know that calms you down, especially when it’s raining”, he hummed softly.

Peter felt very warm - very loved; Tony spoke so gently to him. In all fairness, he was stressed, he’d been worrying all night, and Tony was right, he hadn’t been able to sleep. As the man let out snores, Peter had tossed and turned, and when he’d woken Tony up with all the movement, he’d profusely apologised.

What he hadn’t expected was for Tony to get out of bed. As silence fell over the room, Peter confirmed that it was indeed raining, he could hear the quiet pitter-patter against the window. It was soothing, calming even, and maybe that would lull him to sleep instead. Maybe.

As tempted as he was, he knew Tony was tired. Back to back meetings had wore him out, to make him drive him around so late at night just seemed selfish.

But Tony saw the hesitance in Peter’s eyes, and decided he wasn’t going to give an option. He tore the sheets off the boy, laughing at the way he squirmed.

“It’s cold Tony”, Peter whined, but the smile on his lips showed he wasn’t all that mad.

“Well then put a hoodie on and hurry up”, Tony prompted, gently pulling on Peter’s hands to help him sit up, before climbing off the bed to get into some of his own clothes.

***

The soft purr of the engine rang out into the quiet night. Peter winced, glad they didn’t live around anyone and turned his gaze out the window.

“We don’t have to do this Tones, I promise, I’m fine”, he muttered softly, the guilt obviously setting in.

He’d pulled on one of Tony’s old sweatshirts, the sleeves bunched up in his fists, and the hood pulled atop his head so that only a few chestnut curls could be seen peeking out. The man glanced over at him, and couldn’t help the affectionate smile that rose onto his face at how adorable he looked.

His face was slightly flush from exhaustion, but Tony could see how his brain was still whirring, so the drive was needed, even if Peter denied it.

He decided not to reply, simply pulling out of the garage and out onto the road. Peter let out a small huff at being ignored, crossing his arms over his chest. Tony laughed softly at the sight.

“Peter baby”, he muttered softly “relax.”

“How am I supposed to relax knowing you have four meetings tomorrow, and yet we’re out here at 2am because you’re too stubborn for your own good.”

For a moment the car was silent. Tony’s steady gaze focusing on the road in front of them. He’d put his glasses on before they’d left the house but they were slightly crooked in his haste to get out. He knew better than to drive without them though, especially if he had Peter in the car with him.

“I just wanted to help…”, the man finally whispered. He’d deflated in his seat, no longer as excited as he had been, and all at once a wave of guilt washed over Peter. “I just… I’m sorry, we can go back”, he continued quietly.

A fool. That’s what Peter was. Tony was doing this for him, he was always so good to him, and he still couldn’t appreciate it.

“I don’t want to go back”, Peter mumbled quietly, raising his hand to gently fix Tony’s glasses on his nose, and leaning over the console to press a kiss to his cheek. It was still cold from the shock of leaving the warmth of their bedroom, and so he moved to turn on the heater.

“Do you think you can reschedule the meetings tomorrow?”, he asked gently after a moment.

“If it makes you feel better.”

“It would.”

“Then I will.”

Peter nodded his head, letting out a small breath of relief. “We can sleep in. And I’ll make you breakfast in the morning”, he offered, almost as an ultimatum.

Tony huffed out a laugh, taking his right hand away from the wheel so he could rest in on Peter’s thigh. A smaller, warmer hand, found its way on top of it a second later, lacing their fingers together. “How could I ever say no to breakfast”, he hummed.

Peter laughed gently, resting his head back against the rest, titling his head so he could watch the raindrops fall slowly down the glass of the window.

His thumb gently ran over Tony’s knuckles, brushing over the grooves and scars left behind from a life of hard work.

“You can put on some music if you want”, Tony spoke after a good few minutes of silence, the sound of the rain hitting the top of the car, and the soft hum of the engine.

“I didn’t bring my phone.”

“Have you forgotten what a radio is?”, Tony asked teasingly. Peter giggled, closing his eyes as he yawned, and shook his head.

“Alright old man, we’ll do it your way”, he muttered, slowly opening his eyes to gaze over the man with a sleepy look of affection, before he leaned forwards to turn the radio on.

Within seconds, loud rock music was blasting through the speakers, Peter jumping twice his height as he scrambled to turn it down.

“Jesus Christ Tony”, he hissed, once it was at a more acceptable level. The man himself was laughing hysterically, the sides of his eyes crinkled in the way that Peter adored so much. Tony had such a cute smile, he didn’t know how anyone could ever disagree with that.

He rolled his eyes, moving his left hand to grip at the steering wheel, to make sure Tony didn’t swerve. He trusted him enough not to, knowing he wouldn’t put his life in danger like that. But he also knew that if they did get into an accident, Tony would do everything in his power to make sure Peter was as safe as he could be. Even if it meant directing the car in such a way that the hit was directed to Tony. Therefore, Peter acted as the balance, he wouldn’t allow that to happen. The road was largely deserted, but he wasn’t taking any chances.

“You done?”, he asked, unamused as Tony began to calm down. The older male snickered, glancing over at the boy and smiling softly.

“You love me really”, he said simply, watching as Peter took his hand back off the wheel, to rest over Tony’s on his lap once again,

The boy made a show of pretending to think about it, letting out a hum as he gave the man’s fingers a squeeze. “I guess you’re right”, he ended up shrugging.

Tony scoffed at that, looking out at the approaching lights of the city.

“What?”, Peter asked with a soft giggle, “maybe if you didn’t leave your music blasting all the time, so that when I go to turn it on, I won’t have a heart attack… I’d love you more.”

“The car’s sound proof, no one can hear it…”

“I can!”, he interjected, pouting slightly.

They pulled up to a red light and Tony huffed. “Smile sweetheart, if you frown and pout all the time you’ll end up looking ugly like me”, he said softly, leaning across the console to press a kiss to the sweet lips that were basically inviting him to do it, so Peter couldn’t complain.

“Eyes on the road mister”, Peter muttered when he’d pulled away, but he of course, would never complain about a few extra kisses. “And you’re not ugly, so stop saying that. You’re the sexiest man I’ve ever seen”, he hummed.

“You have to say that, I’m your boyfriend”, Tony corrected.

“Oh please, the only reason I’m your boyfriend is because you’re sexy”, he teased, causing Tony to gasp as if he was offended, pulling off again as the light turned green.

“Then what happens when my looks start to slide?”, he questioned.

Peter raised an eyebrow, pretending to be very confused as he turned his face away. “I thought they already had”, he mumbled - of course it was all playful, a deliberate attempt to rile him up.

Tony knew that all too well, and began to laugh. “Hey now Peter, I don’t care if I’m seventy, and my chest is sagging, and my stomach’s round, and I have no hair, you're gonna love me anyway”, he said, nudging him gently.

Peter snorted, moving to rest his head on Tony’s shoulder, after having pressed a gentle kiss to his jaw. “I will, I’ll always love you. I don’t love you for your look:, even if the small gray hairs poking out of your head do sinful things to my thoughts. I love for who you are. So yes, even when you’re seventy, I’ll be right here beside you”, he whispered gently, nuzzling his cheek against his shoulder gently.

The rain had begun to pick up a bit more now. The raindrops sounded heavier against the roof. The buttery glow of the streetlights on their faces became more frequent as they turned into the more populated streets.

This was a conversation they’d had many times. Tony was usually the one to express his doubts. He may be egotistical most days of his life, but Peter had quickly figured out that he was a slight bit insecure about their age difference. He was always quick to reassure him, despite the jokes he made. Peter wasn’t going anywhere. And besides, he was pretty sure Tony Stark couldn’t age badly, it just seemed impossible.

“I know Peter. I do. And I thank you for that”, he said softly, tilting his head to press a kiss to his temple. He felt the way his cheek squished further into the material of his shirt as Peter smiled.

“Don’t thank me for loving you. It’s pretty hard not to.”

“I beg to differ.”

A roll of his eyes, and Peter was poking at his side gently. “Shush, I don’t have the energy to tell you all the reasons why I love you right now”, he huffed out.

Again Tony laughed, turning around a corner so that they could go back the way they came. They weren’t planning to go anywhere in particular, but he knew Peter preferred driving in the more secluded areas. They were more dangerous of course, but they made a great team against anyone who would try to cross them. “Fine, fine, I’ll leave the self loathing to another day.”

“Tonyyy”, Peter whined.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I love you too sweetheart”, he muttered instead.

Peter nodded his head, happy with that answer as he leaned forwards to change the station, ignoring Tony’s grunt. “You said I could play music, we’re playing what I want”, he said adamantly.

When he found a station to settle on, he gasped quietly hearing the song. He was up in an instant, Tony having to blink and register the fact that all the energy had seemed to come back to him. “I love this song”, he giggled, moving to turn it up just slightly.

The slight scrunch of Tony's nose showed it wasn’t quite to his taste, but with the way Peter was grinning, and making up an elaborate dance routine in his seat, he didn’t have the heart to complain. He was wiggling his hips to the beat, singing along quietly, and Tony couldn’t help but smile at the sight. He really did love him so much.

He turned it up just slightly, quite enjoying the personal concert he was receiving.

As the next song came on, Peter apparently coined onto the fact that he knew it. And was begging the man to sing with him. They bickered for a moment, but of course, Tony lost at the sight of the wide puppy eyes, and suddenly they were dancing and singing together.

By the time Peter had calmed down, Tony’s voice was hoarse, but it was worth it because the other seemed less tense. He was yawning slightly, Tony turning the music down as the younger male cuddled up under his hoodie, and curled into his seat. Tired eyes watched as they passed familiar buildings, but they were slowly starting to blur.

“Do you think I’m going to pass everything tomorrow?”, he asked quietly after a moment. He seemed timid and shy, turning his body to look over Tony, as he yawned once again.

“I know you’re going to pass tomorrow Petey. With flying colours, top of your class”, he corrected.

The boy sighed out, pretending to seem uninterested with that reply, but Tony noticed the blush creeping onto his cheeks. “Be serious”, he huffed, and Tony laughed quietly.

“I am sweetheart. I know you better than anyone. You can say I have high expectations but I know your abilities and what you can do. Even if you don’t see it. And I know you’ve tried your hardest no matter what. And that’s all you can do. Your best. I’ve seen your sleepless nights studying, the way you’ve overworked yourself… you’re going to be absolutely fine. I know you are.”

“But what if my best isn't enough.” The look on Peter’s face almost broke his heart. Tony knew, the effort he’d put into his grades, and to fall now, Tony knw would wound the boy much worse than any enemy of the boy could.

“It will be”, he soothed, gently moving to take Peter’s hand in his, and being the smooth knuckles up his lips, pressing a comforting kiss over them. “Everyone, including me, will be proud of you, no matter what you get. If you get into M.I.T great. It’s your dream, and you deserve to live it. If you don’t, then fuck them. You’ve tried so hard everyday, and we all know your so much better than any grade that you get on a piece of paper”, he said.

As the streetlight washed over Peter’s face, he could see the blush had only grown stronger. Spreading over his nose and to his ears. But what got Tony most of all, was the tears that were in his love’s eyes.

“Baby…”, he muttered quietly, his entire expression softening at the sight. He ended up pulling over, onto the side of the road, shutting off the engine so he could give him his undivided attention.

“You really think so?”, Peter ignored his concern, instead focusing on his words. He sounded so trusting of Tony as always, but there was clearly something holding him back from believing in his own worth. It was something that Tony had become well accustomed to by this point. Something he’d tried to make sure wouldn’t grow too heavy on the boy's shoulders. It took a lot of encouragement, praise and overall a healthy support system, something Tony was more than happy to provide.

“I know so, sweetheart”, he confirmed. “Your intelligence is unmatched-”

“Apart from yours of course”, Peter giggled wetly.

Tony shook his head, usually appreciating the ego boost, but not right now. “Peter, honey, sweetheart, baby, love bunny.. you’re so much smarter than I will ever be. And at 18 years old too. You’re amazing. I’m jealous of that little brain of yours. And if M.I.T can’t see that, regardless of your grades, then they’re idiots.” (Peter hadn’t let him interfere with the process, he wanted to do this on his own - the only thing he did was send a glowing recommendation that was of course only filled with praise)

Peter was sobbing by the end of his little speech, and Tony took off his belt, moving to take him into his arms. He held the boy as he trembled, rubbing his back, and letting him cry off all the stress he’d been holding in.

When he was done, and he pulled back, his eyes were puffy, but as always, they held so much love for the man beside him in the car. “Thank you Tones…”, he mumbled quietly. What else was he supposed to say. There were no words he could give to truly display the way he felt.

But Tony didn’t want anything else. He just wanted Peter happy. That was the most important thing. “I love you”, he said softly in the end, moving his thumbs to stroke softly over his cheeks, and wipe away the rest of his tears.

“I love you too”, Peter muttered gently, laughing as he caught sight of himself in the reflection on the window.

“I’m a mess”, he added after, shaking his head, as he caught Tony’s lips against his own.

When he pulled away, Tony winked at him. “My beautiful mess”, he offered instead.

Peter rolled his eyes, but loved the phrase nevertheless. “I guess we can say that”, he hummed playfully, looking over Tony with all the love and affection the small body could possibly give.

Tony could see past that however, noticing how tired he was now. The good thing was, he did seem to be a lot better. And he supposed his words had taken some good effect. At least he could do that right. A quick glance at the clock told him it was nearing 3:30am now, so home was a given, even if he was quite enjoying their time in the car. He wanted Peter at least a little rested, he didn’t want him collapsing from exhaustion. He started up the car again, mumbling about how they should get him home, as he pulled off onto the street.

Peter didn’t try to stop him, or interject. His body was heavy as he leaned back in his seat, rolling his neck as his gaze tried to focus on the lights of the city. They all fused together eventually, his eyes slowly closing despite how hard he was trying to fight it. Tony’s hand still lay comforting on his thigh, and the soft purr of the car was quite a nice background to his fading thoughts.

As the city lights began to diminish, and the car rolled forwards towards home, sleep won the battle over Peter’s body. He knew that whatever happened tomorrow, he’d made Tony proud, and really, that’s all he’d ever wanted to do.

***

Tag list: @itsmexavie @icandoakickflip @peterparker-starks

#starker #starker fanfiction #tony stark #peter parker #tony stark x peter parker #ironspider #skylar writes

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rigelmejo · 4 years ago

Text

Observations when I study multiple languages at the same time:

Hello so good morning all. 早上好大家，我就着急啊哈哈....

I awoke today and my brain SPUN because I can read some Chinese, but I forgot how to say I woke up and got out of bed in chinese. I also just?? I suppose my brain worried and was like? “Do you even remember how to read french? do you even know any Chinese? Or is the new Japanese just overwriting old stuff?!”

I rationally know japanese probably won’t overwrite the rest because like - the first 5 months I studied chinese it just blocked out my French active recall unless I purposely used French a bit. But I didn’t lose any French as far as reading ability, and I got my French active recall back once I used French for a few hours/days. So it would be quite normal if my Japanese is recalled easier than my chinese for a few months. But my brain is like “we worked So hard to get to read what we Can read and say what we Can say we will be SAD if we lose it!!”

反正早上好我床上来了。我已经醒了。我不忘记很多的词。我着急为了没有的意思。我就找到一个翻译词典为了检查对的词。我猜不错。幸好！还我就可以阅读在法语，很好啊。今天我早阅读法语书一下，很容易。我没事。

My chinese may be a mess grammatically I know.

Anyway. I am. Thrilled I didn’t forget that many actual words. Universe help me if Japanese grammar starts fucking up my Chinese grammar tho. I mean I hope not because French never got fucked up; but to be fair to French I DID forget a ton of the conjugations when actually speaking/listening ToT I can barely recall French conjugations anymore unless I actively look at some textbooks or Le Français Par Le Method Nature to refresh myself. Likewise, I studied Japanese probably over 1.5 years ago now and since then, I’ve forgotten nearly all the verb conjugation endings I used to know with the exception of: ます、ません、じゃない、です／だ、じゃありません、ありまう、います、i know te form exists still though I completely forget what it’s for? Giving orders/suggestions? I forgot how adjectives conjugate but I remember they do? And I certainly forgot how words change when connected to their verb endings - I think there’s i and ru verbs? And they conjugate slightly different? And maybe nakatta is past tense negative, and katta is past tense positive (though I can’t remember if it’s katta or something else tta)?

Basically I forgot a HUGE portion of Japanese grammar. I also forgot Word order, I nearly forgot particles (I still have vague recognition of は、が、を、に、の、か). And I remember でも means but because it’s one of the few words I hear constantly and still catch. Also daijoubu (I may be spelling it wrong) for ok (I remember hearing it in YouTube and shows way more than any learning material I had, and I remember I’ve heard a similar word in thai dramas). 大丈夫／だいじょうぶ - using imiwa dictionary app I’m fairly sure that’s the word I’m remembering. Anyway I forgot... so much of my Japanese it’s like I just am relearning from almost scratch but with a vague impression it’s all familiar. I relearned these words/phrases lately which all sound extremely familiar now that I’ve heard them again: そうです、ここ、そこ、あそこ、駅／えき、子園／こえん, お電気／おでんき、今／いま、今日/きょう、あおい／青い、人/じん、話します／はなします、分かります/わかります、どこ、じゃまた.

Among the good things, I do remember most kana upon seeing them again, I think it’s just a few katakana i don’t remember unless I’m reading katakana then I recognize the word and remember the sound - like my name ミジョ/みじょ MeJo “mi-jo.” I always forget specifically ミ、シ、lol. I also forgot the way to extend vowels in katakana versus hiragana until I saw it again. And I still don’t quite remember why cake isカアク, but something else might be ice cream with a - like アーカイブ?

Anyway. Like I mentioned, this morning I read some French to assuage my fear and remind myself i can Actually still read French. I have not actually forgotten, even though my active recall is shot to hell unless I practice. And I did read, and aside from a few words I distinctly remember always confusing me and never looking up, I read fine. I’m fairly sure I read that novel easier than I’d ever read it before, even, catching more details this time than any time previously. So clearly my French reading skills are still fine, have been maintained, and if anything then over the years they’ve still marginally improved a bit.

I suppose my biggest concern with chinese is just... that I want to absolutely ensure my reading skill hits that vague “specific tipping point” that my French reading skill did. The point at which, once reached, your reading skill does not slip below “capable of grasping the overall gist of main ideas” and if you read every few days or weeks then also may continue improve over time. I remember in French, BEFORE I hit that “specific tipping point,” if I stopped reading for a while, then when I came back to reading things were harder to comprehend again and it took a bit of extra work to re-establish the foundations. But after a certain tipping point was reached, even if I didn’t read French for a few weeks or months, when I came back I had a basis of understanding that never fell below “at least able to follow gist of main idea” and often picked up any forgotten words within a few hours, then picked up new words to learn. And so I could continue “picking up where I left off” with learning instead of fighting with my reading skills sliding backwards. They no longer slid backwards, they only got “rusty” and then once polished up in a few hours, would resume improving. It’s the stage I want my chinese reading to reach, because once it reaches that point I will no longer worry I’ll forget the foundational skills - it’s decently doable to re-familiarize yourself with specialized words as needed (we even do it in English if say we read a psychology book for a class 4 years ago then pickup a new psychology class, etc). But it’s difficult to build the original foundation skills everything leans on. In Japanese, I never finished building it - I think I was finally starting to at 2.5 years in, then I gave up. As a result, I lost a significant portion of that foundation I had not finished building. At first I retained some of it, but from years of no review AND no continuing to finish building it, that foundation crumbled. So now I remember pieces of Japanese, but not enough to rely on. Whereas my French had enough time devoted to finishing the foundation, that now even if I take a few months or a year away from it, if I go back to speaking/reading/listening to French then the foundation is remembered quickly and I can start learning mostly where I left off and just jump to improving again (instead of needing months to relearn). While I can relearn/strengthen the basic things in French, I can also jump into books or listening or convos and know enough to just learn from doing, and still remember enough that I’m Capable of interacting with those things and comprehending enough To do them.

I think of it like drawing - idk when it happens with a skill like drawing, I drew since I was able to hold things so I don’t know. But basically whether you draw everyday, or stop for a few months or a year then return to drawing, within a few hours of drawing again all your previous skill comes back to you. If you forgot something you’d learned, usually a few minutes or hours re-learning is enough to drag your skills up to where they were before. So you can quickly return to your former skill level last time you drew, and quickly start improving further. So each time you draw, you’ve retained your skill from before (mostly) and improve your skill, then that skill improvement carries over to the next time you draw. It’s great. In some ways, my French skill is like that - I quickly can get to the comprehension level I was at last time I engaged with French, can improve from there, and then the next time I engage with French I can pick up from the level to which I’d improved to. I may forget some specifics I didn’t use much or learn as well - specialized words, or ways to express myself I rarely use (so rarely reinforce), but if I re-study them it takes a few hours to get those back (instead of the months it took to learn the first time). I am so grateful my French is past that “specific tipping point” because it makes French way easier to retain a useful level in, and easier to pick it back up when i have time and improve it as needed in the areas needed and retain the improvements I make for the most part. In Japanese, I never reached that “specific tipping point” of having established enough of a foundation. So I lost a lot of what I knew.

With Chinese, I really want to ensure I’ve reached past that “specific tipping point” of enough of a foundation, before I give it less dedicated time. I don’t want to lose the chinese I’ve learned, since it’s a significant amount. And... even more than that, my chinese speaking and listening ability is in many ways BETTER than my French, because I worked on it, and I don’t want to lose those abilities either to the degree I’ve developed them. In French, i know I have very low levels of speaking/listening in comparison to my reading and they lag behind as a result - even once they reached the “specific tipping point” a year later than reading in French, they still lag a ton behind my reading (think A1-2 French speaking/listening skills, versus French B1-B2 reading skills). Meanwhile, I’ve been trying to make it so my listening/speaking skills only lag behind my chinese reading skills a little bit. And I’d like all of those skills to reach the “specific tipping point” where I am able to retain the majority of those skill levels, before I work on chinese less frequently.

I know myself. With Japanese, at 2.5 years in I was Just starting to hit the beginning of making that foundation I could retain later - I was just starting to read and comprehend the gist of the main plots in manga, to watch YouTube or play games and grasp the bare gist of what the main ideas was. In French, those skills started at about 5 months in, and I don’t think they hit “specific tipping point” of me being able to rely on keeping those skills perpetually, until 1.5 years in. With Japanese, as I said, i hit the beginning of building them around 2.5 years in, and just never solidified them enough to hit the “specific tipping point” unfortunately. With Chinese, at least in reading (since I’m only discussing reading skill in all 3 languages), I probably hit the beginning of building these skills at month 10-11. That was when I could start reading manhua without a dictionary, novels without a dictionary (and grasp the main ideas gist at minimum), and watch shows and do the same. Which again, is higher than Japanese even was at its beginning-foundation, as I couldn’t even Read novels or listen to Japanese audio on its own and follow the main idea. So I suppose, to compare the absolute beginnings of each foundation being built: in French it was month 3 (when I could start brute forcing through news/Wikipedia and comprehend some gist of main ideas), Japanese year 2.3ish (when I started brute forcing through manga and comprehending very roughly some main ideas), month 6-8 in chinese (when I started brute forcing shows and novels and comprehended honestly more than I can believe I managed to in retrospect, considering how much easier those still-challenging tasks feel now). Anyway... Chinese has seemed to take 2x as much time to improve compared to my French. I do suspect chinese normally takes native English speakers roughly the FSI recommended 4x as much time. I suspect my French learning plan was just not very optimal for my learning style, so it wasn’t as efficient. Likewise... I suspect Japanese should normally take roughly 4x to 5x longer to improve then French. I suspect mine took SO long last time particularly, because I did not even have a good study plan for myself until year 2 of Japanese study.

So... based on all that. I imagine my chinese will be very firmly where i want it’s minimum skill to reliably maintain the foundation of what I know, to be at.. year 2-3. Year 2, if I keep improving as well as I’ve been doing (and assuming if my French had been more consistent it would’ve been at the “specific tipping point” by year 1). And year 3 if I don’t always study as much, or it simply takes longer (so twice the 1.5 years French took). Which honestly... 3 years is still intensely fast as I see it. And, if I’m improving the way I think I have been, I can’t even imagine how ill be in year 3. Anyway... based on all of that... I think it would be a bad idea to pick up Japanese heavily until my chinese is past at least year 2. With my 1 year+ of French, at that point I was also studying Japanese, and they seemed to work fine as I studied both - the only thing was it slowed down my French progress. So I do think waiting to do anything heavy with japanese, until my chinese is a good play I’m ok to let it simply maintain for the most part, is probably a safer plan.

—-

Realistically... no reason I can’t lightly re-study Japanese though and Just like rebuild the beginnings of the foundation I had though, it was probably N4 starting into N3 when I gave up. So I could probably re-learn some old stuff without taking too much time from chinese. And then if my chinese is year 2 by then, that sure would be convenient. Lol this is all... me contemplating. When we all know the truth is, I’m going to do whatever I want to do in the moment, and see what happens o3o

I am gonna tentatively say though, I think as long as I don’t abandon Chinese for any length of time until at least 2-3 years in, it should probably be maintained at least though at where it’s at/gradually improve. I didn’t lose any French during the times I kept using it, even when studying Japanese and russian, the “specific tipping point” didn’t really matter until I stopped using French for months at a time. I am sure I will notice if another language study is slowing down my chinese study though, in which case I’ll pause the other language if I have a Chinese goal that needs more time for attention.

At the moment, my Chinese goals are going about as expected. I wish I could carve some more time for them, but I’m giving them as much time as they were getting throughout the fall - so it’s not like they’re getting any less time than usual. (I am just inpatient, and wish I was the kind of person with the time and focus to give them 4-6 hours a day lol).

#January progress #progress #Japanese #Chinese #French #rant

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well-shit-im-a-morosexual-now · 4 years ago

Note

I'm here, queer, and I want a summary for the new lesson (whenever you get around to playing it of course)!

-35 Anon

NEW FIC + LESSON 44 SUMMARY

Hii! I'm sorry this took like a week BUT as an apology/compensation I wrote a lil' something based off this lesson :D ;

Familiar Strangers

Mammon gets a little more time with the strange angel his little brothers picked up and picks up a few things of his own.

ok ok so this lesson holy shit??? This is probably one of my favourite lessons!? It just gives so much and ahhh it was so good! It gives more angel backstory and lore, shows what got Levi into anime in the first place and answers the question I asked in the previous lesson summary; about why Mammon made a pact with MC in the first place when he said in lesson 43 that he wouldn't make a pact with a random human. And look i'm too excited to wait to reveal this in the end (plus with the way om lessons are structured there won't be a big reveal, just a gradual realisation) so im gonna reveal it here immediately.

LESSON 44 SPOILERS

MC once again fucked up the timeline :')

MC's the one who got Levi into anime in the first place. (but the only reason they got him into anime was cause they already knew he liked anime but he liked anime only because they got him into it and so on and so on, one whole horrid circle)

A time paradox was already in play at the very beginning of S1, meaning MC's first meeting with the brothers was never in S1 but instead thousand of years before the main storyline even began. Meaning MC was never a random human and holy shit???????

I'll talk more about MC and Mammon's pact after I summarise everything, as well as about their sins and their lives in the Celestial Realm Vs the Devildom cause everything is blowing my mind . Additionally, even though Mammon shares more or less equal screentime with his brothers in this lesson it adds a ton of character depth to him and i adore it.

Ok so the lesson starts with;

Mammon, Beel, Satan & MC bursting into Asmo's room. Mammon yelling about how he's gonna kill Asmo cause of the leak, only to find his room empty. They check his bathroom (which in my humble opinion is the first place they should have checked, but then again this is asmo so maybe they wanted to keep that as the worst case scenario option), MC says they should turn the water off immediately and mammon confirms that yeah if lucifer is actually still alive and finds out about this all of them will be murdered on the spot. They find Asmo passed out in the bathroom. MC uses the healing spell they learn back in s2 to take away some of his pain. All 3 brothers seem very worried and when Beel asks Asmo if he's okay, he says that he's not but that MC kissing him may make him better (my man's on his death bed and still tryna smash, an absolute icon). Mammon immediately tells Asmo to go die, and Beel says he shouldn't have worried about Asmo cause it was a waste of energy. and look that instant turnabout is peak comedy :'). Asmo calls them out on being assholes and that he does still feel dizzy and Satan says that if he's able to joke about he's fine. Asmo says that he still wants to sleep it off and that he wants MC with him. Satan once again proving that he's the best brother says that him and Mammon will go make soup, Beel will clean the bathroom and that MC can take Asmo to bed. Asmo gushes about how good Satan is and Satan blushes (a year ago this sentence would have been so messed up wtf happened). in bed MC ends up telling Asmo all about their day and Asmo gets sad about not being able to go to the cafe, MC complains about Simeon being a sadist who put them to work (or they can invite Asmo to come the next time) and Asmo says he's jealous that he wasn't there to see them all suffer. Asmo says that while he was asleep he had a dream that he was still an angel and that it's been so long since he's seen Michael who was stunningly beautiful and who was gushing about lucifer, and that he was glad he didn't run into raphael cause he scared him. MC falls asleep while Asmo talks.

MC is woken up in a bright forest by angel Asmo, who asks them what they were doing sleeping in a place like that and says he has never seen MC before. MC can ask him what he's doing dressed like an angel or can ask him if he's actually asmo. He basically says either i've always looked like this unless you're talking about my nails which i painted a different colour or duh obviously you know who i am, who doesn't. He then asks MC who they are. They can ask him if he has forgotten them or if he's kidding. He says either that if they'd met before he wouldn't have forgotten them or that he always means what he says even if people think he's kidding and then asks for their name. MC can ask if they are dreaming - Asmo takes it as them flirting with him/using a cheesy pickup line which he thinks is adorable - or they can ask where they are - the celestial realm. Asmo asks them if they work for Raphael cause Asmo had snuck into the human world to go to 'something called a party' which he had never been to before and that he'd had a lot of fun. But that raphael says 'it's a wicked and immoral thing'. He then asks MC what they think. MC gets to either say that it's up to him to decide or to agree with raphael. If you choose the first option Asmo is suprised, and then says that since it was so much fun it'd be a tragedy never to experience it again and that he thinks he should be allowed to have fun. Asmo had found MC while he was hiding from Raphael who was pissed about the party. Asmo goes to propose something to MC but gets cockblocked by Beel. Asmo asks beel if he could open the celestial realm gates, beel says no and then asks who the fuck MC is. Asmo introduces Beel as a cherubim and a guardian of the gates of the Celestial Realm. And says that Beel is a very famous angel, and that there's a rumour that lucifer recommended Beel to be promoted to seraphim. Beel says that lucifer hasn't mentioned it to him and that it's just a rumour. Beel asks MC if they are okay and if Asmo has tried anything on them cause Asmo hits on anything that moves. Asmo gets pissed and says that it's not that he'd happily sleep with anyone but that he cares about who they are and that he feels love towards everyone he meets. And that the reason everyone loves him so much is cause he loves everyone due to his ability to see the good in people. Beel changes the subject by telling MC they look hungry and offers them a few sweets he got from Michael. MC basically goes wtf why aren't you eating them. He says he's not hungry and that he has eaten too much recently and gained weight and is now on a diet. MC probably looks like they had a stroke cause Beel asks if they are okay. MC tells him that they like the fact that he eats a lot. Beel blushes before asking Asmo if that's a compliment and if he's supposed to thank MC. Asmo who's pissed off snaps at beel about MC and Beel flirting while ignoring him. Beel says he came here looking for belphie.

Beel proceeds to shake a tree until Belphie falls out... Belphie takes one look at MC and asks what the fuck a human is doing in the celestial realm (i forgot that this was back when he still liked humans and thought we were back to square one and he was about to start throwing hands). MC can say 'You think I lool like a human?' vs "Excuse me? What are YOU doing here?'. for the second option Belphie just says screw you I asked first. For the first he's confused that they are not, Asmo saves MC's ass either by telling Belphie to go get his eyes checked while Beel says MC's an angel. Belphie says he does detect angelic vibes from MC (Lilith's bloodline???) but also something humanlike. Asmo says Belphie probably senses that cause all he ever thinks about are humans and Belphie says it's cause humans are interesting and wishes he was born as a human. Asmo yells at Belphie not to say things like that cause if Raphael finds out they'd be in trouble. Beel asks what they are gonna do about their new lost angel and Asmo asks if they can keep MC. Belphie says no cause they're supposed to bring lost angels to Lucifer (how often do angels get lost????). MC gets to choose whether they want to go with Beel, Belphie or Asmo to find lucifer. I chose Beel cause he was anyway going back to Lucifer with Belphie (⚡⚡Efficiency🌟🌟) which is when belphie finds out lucifer's looking for him cause he skipped a meeting. '???' cuts in with a "Mmhm, I THOUGHT I heard some awfully familiar voices..." it turns out to be Mammon who's been looking for all of them (minus MC for a change and isn't that the weirdest thing to happen in all this).

Asmo scolds Mammon for scaring him and tells him not to appear outta thin air like that (that's such a 'Lucifer Trait' tho that i don't think we've seen from Mammon before?) - Mammon says he'll do what he wants. He then asks if MC is Asmo's 'newest plaything'. Asmo says no but can you imagine tho😍 After Belphie and Beel introduce MC as a lost angel, Mammon sounds oddly skeptical and says he's never heard of an "MC" before. Beel introduces Mammon as a throne who acts as Lucifer's assistant. He says that Mammon can be trusted cause outta all the thrones he's Lucifer's most trusted. Asmo says that Mammon used to be a troublemaker and that Michael hadn't known what to do with him but that he's grown into someone who, more than anyone else in the Celestial Realm, can do anything he puts his mind in to. Mammon says he doesn't like the way Asmo introduced him and Belphie says it's true though cause they all thought Mammon was just a step away from being cast out (fdshgfwdygds explains why Lucifer worries so much over Mammon in the present cause he's gone back to being a troublemaker). MC can ask about 1.) the being cast out thing - Mammon says the others are exaggerating even though things have changed. 2.) being a throne - blushing Mammon says that he was an archangel and that Lucifer recommended him as a throne. 3.)question him about being able to do anything - he snaps at them for looking disbelieving and says he's talented. Belphie says mammon used to be awful and ngl these made me laugh - mammon brought back pigeon feathers from the human world and tried to sell them to the lower rank angels by telling them they were Raphael's feathers, he also ordered around the army of angels for fun and said he was playing angel chess. Mammon says they were just innocent pranks and were no big deal and MC ever the enabler agrees with him. Mammon says it seems like MC's actually got some sense and says he likes them and that they're cool. Mammon then stutters and asks MC why they're staring at him 'like that' and imagine the amount of shit going through MC's head at seeing Mammon like this? From all the brothers he's arguably the one they're closest with (even if it's not in a romantic sense) so seeing him in a world where he's respected by his brothers and has this kinda calm confidence that he doesn't have as a demon, imagining what must have happened between then and the present for things to change the way they have, finding out he's still a troublemaker, still wholly Mammon, and just has to squash down those urges here, remembering all the times the more responsible side of him came out as a demon and getting to see a version of himself where that side is more prominent. Seeing him so easily say that he likes them without any of the protests he had as a demon. Realising that Mammon's more 'tsundere' characteristics are all a defense mechanism to protect himself from opening up and being hurt and that in the present after realising they genuinely care about him he starts dropping them. realising that as both an angel and a demon he took a look at them and thought 'this one, i like.' Just!??? Ah. :). Anyway back to the chapter- He starts blushing and tells them to stop staring. Belphie asks Mammon if he wants to be like Lucifer, blushing Mammon asks so what if he does. Belphie says that's never gonna happen so he should give up while he's ahead (made me wanna punch him) and that Mammon is not Lucifer and is instead Mammon and that he can't become something he's not (made me wanna hug him). Mammon tells Belphie to shut up and asks why he cares anyway and that with enough time one day he might do it and that he doesn't care what belphie says and that they should just watch him. and isn't it sad that Mammon will never get that time, and yeah it's a good thing that now as a demon he's just being Mammon without trying to be lucifer but he was never given the time to figure that out for himself and it explains all the issues/complexes Mammon has regarding Lucifer and shit imagine losing MC to the man he respects and loves but who he will always see himself as second best to and who he was always trying to reach, the man he believed he could have become until the fall and until he gave up and let his sin and his more real self takeover?? Since Mammon never had the time to realise that it's better to be yourself than someone else if MC ends up choosing Lucifer he'll always have that 'what if' in the back of his head and that shit hurts dude. MC can then say something about them all really loving Lucifer, Mammon blushes and stutters and said that nobody said anything about loving lucifer. Beel, Belphie and Asmo all say they love Luicfer (but not his lectures). Mammon growls and says he hates them and Asmo calls him out on being really obvious about loving lucifer as well, Mammon blushing says he doesn't. Or they can tell Mammon they're rooting for him. He's suprised and then stutters and blushes and asks if they really will. Then still blushing and stuttering he tells MC to stop staring at him like that again. MC's such a pining idiot i can't handle it. Beel changes the subject and asks why Mammon was looking for them. Lucifer had sent Mammon to find the twins cause Beel never returned with Belphie. He also tells Asmo that Raphael was walking around with his spear looking for him. He then calls them to head to the Celestial Palace. Asmo says that if the Seraphim find out about MC it'll make things worse and who knows what they'll do to all of them. They decide they should hide MC someplace.

Inside the palace Mammon yells at MC to stop looking at everything with wide eyes (did this happen before? when he was showing them around the devildom during the first lesson? I can't remember but my love for parallels is praying it did) cause they're already sticking out by being a bunch of high ranking angels gathered together. Asmo tells Mammon he needs to be nicer. He says that there's no reason to worry cause Lucifer and the others are on the higher floors. Belphie says that this makes it the perfect spot to hide when they wanna skip work. MC says that even angels need a break sometimes. Asmo says the seraphim are bossy and never cut them any slack. Beel asks MC if they are close to any other angels. If MC says Luke no one knows who that is cause the baby hasn't been born yet🥺. If MC says Simeon, Belphie's surprised and Beel says that outta all the Seraphim Simeon's the most easygoing. AND holy shit??? During the last lesson Simeon said he was an archangel which means that he was demoted at some point?????? And considering how close he was with Lucifer and possibly the others as well,,,,,,,,,,could it be possible that he was demoted after the fall? That though he didn't come with them he helped them escape in someway? or looked aside while they escaped? or knew about Lilith and her human? Or knew Lucifer was becoming more disillusioned? Belphie says it's not that Simeon's easygoing but rather that the others are too intense. Mammon asks if they should hand MC over to Simeon and Asmo says another Seraphim would spot them before they reached him. They stop outside their secret room aka the slacking off room. When the door is opened MC and possibly Beel get drenched in water while Belphie, Asmo and possibly Mammon manage to jump away. "???" says that to get entry they need to say the secret phrase.

belphie asks if they really need a secret phrase and levi says they never know when the seraphim will show up, mammon says that if they do show up a secret phrase wouldn't stop them from coming inside. Levi says whatever and asks who MC is. Asmo scolds him for the way he worded the question but still introduces MC. Levi suspects that MC is one of Michael's agents who was sent to verify that levi is 'as much of an useless waste of space as I seem to be'. MC snaps 'That's not true!' and Levi is startled and blushes. And Mammon, holy shit Mammon says what in my humble opinion is one of the funniest lines in the series,: "That's right, Levi. It's not true. I mean, just look at MC's face... See that absentminded stare... like there's nothin' going on upstairs? Does that look like the face of one of Michael's agents? I don't think so." WHY did he have to come for MC so hard!???? this came literally outta nowhere and it made me laugh so hard??? Worst of all? it made me realise a horrid horrid truth; Mammon considers himself a morosexual I'm in tears???? Levi says it's better to be absentminded than to be a waste of space. Belphie says that Levi commanded Lotan and the army of angels in the war against the demons and was basically their general. Beel says that now that the Celestial Realm is at peace Levi feels like he has no purpose. Asmo says that someone from the younger generation took over the Devildom which is why the war ended, though Mammon says the transition isn't official yet. Levi tells them to shut up and Mammon tells him that sitting around being grumpy wouldn't do anything and that he should at least enjoy them being at peace. Levi says that he doesn't wanna hear that crap from Mammon cause Mammon being Lucifer's favourite means he can be an airhead and still have his future secured, while levi would be a dead weight, a leach and a burden to the entire realm without a war to fight (and i mean a lot of what levi said is pretty messed up but Mammon did get promoted from a warrior to Lucifer's right hand possibly after the war was over? while Levi's still a general in a realm at peace). When mammon gets pissed off at Levi's comment the others say that considering this isn't the first time that levi got into one of these moods mammon should just ignore him. Levi immediately latches onto that and says that they shouldn't interact with an useless bore of an angel like him cause it's just a waste of time. MC suggests that Levi find something else he can be passionate about and he says that there's nothing else for him. MC can recommend either anime or manga. since he doesn't know what these are MC then explains it to him in detail. he's interested but doesn't think a boring angel like him could actually get interested in anything like that (oh baby...). Belphie and Asmo are surprised that MC seems to know so much about the human culture when even Belphie doesn't know this much. '???' voice finds them and says it's interesting how much free time they seem to have. Kinda sad to find out that Levi got into anime cause he needed something to make him feel less useless in the aftermath of a war...

The brothers all freak out about being found by lucifer, who yells at Mammon for not bringing the twins to him and at Beel for not bringing Belphie and then at Belphie for oversleeping and missing the meeting and at Asmo, who he says should take care of the situation before he finds himself at 'the pointy end of Raphael's spear. do you think the Seraphim have divisions that they each head? Lucifer doesn't seem inclined to punish Asmo for breaking the rules like he would have in the Devildom and rather lets Raphael take care of it. Mammon trained under Michael before he met Lucifer - so when he was an archangel. And now as an archangel Simeon works for Michael. It's implied previously in this lesson that Lucifer had other thrones working for him. So? Lucifer then asks who MC is. MC says 'I know you' which makes Lucifer's affection meter go up but he says duh obviously you know me, everyone does (and I mean this in the most affectionate way possible but like what a fucking asshole). Asmo introduces MC as a lost angel and says they were planning to find Lucifer. Lucifer asks if they decided to hide MC cause they were scared the other seraphim would find out and this brings up so many questions - How mean exactly are the other seraphim? We know that the brothers are scared of Lucifer but comparatively Asmo's terrified of Raphael and Mammon of Michael. What exactly would the others do to a lost angel? Ik they said simeon was the most easygoing but is it possible Lucifer's the nicest? I mean he did adopt 6 oddball angels, he seems to be trying to help them rise through the ranks, he seems to deal with lost angels regularly, he knows about their slacking off room and hasn't told the others (to be fair tho if anyone needs a slacking off room it's lucifer), they trusted him not to get mad about their room and about the weird 'angel' they found... Mammon changes the subject by asking Lucifer if he was supposed to be heading down to the devildom, when Levi asks why he'd go there, Lucifer says the price is asking to meet with him. Lucifer's says he doesn't like going but that it's his job and that he doesn't have a choice. with the free 50 pulls I got the devilgram about this first meeting and holy shit?? Lucifer was such a bitch and Diavolo STILL took one look at him decided 'damn I'm gonna love this man'?????????? Also the prejudice the angels have against the demons is just??? Lucifer was surprised that education was a thing in the devildom????? The fact that diavolo wanted not just peace but to build a bridge between the three realms and lucifer didn't believe him cause 1.) ew demons are evil but more importantly 2.) 'if that was possible why hasn't my father tried to achieve that?' - just them showing lucifer slowly starting to question everything he was brought up with and his father who looked up to and practically hero-worshipped?? The symbolism of Lucifer finding the devildom clothes he was provided with more comfortable than his angel's armour? Lucifer warming up to diavolo in the end and i dunno guys it was such a good devilgram. i also got the devilgram where lucifer gets jealous of Barbatos, sulks about it, then whines to MC and finally tries to bake cookies for Diavolo... it's not significant to anything i just needed to say that out loud. Back to the main storyline; MC can ask him whether he doesn't like demons or whether he doesn't want to go the devildom. his answer to both is basically 'ew of course not'. He then tells MC he'll ask Michael to help them. MC tells him to have fun with Diavolo and to be friendly. Lucifer is shocked cause it almost sounds like MC knows Diavolo, and he says they're odd cause he feels like even though he just met them it doesn't really feel like that. Asmo agrees and says when he talks to MC it feels like he's talking to someone very dear to him. Mammon's surprised it's not just him who feels that. Belphie says it's a mysterious feeling and Beel says maybe they've all met somewhere before. Levi says maybe MC reminds them of someone they know. Belphie says: "Hey, wait a second. Does MC remind you of Li-" He's cut off by the whole screen going white and '???' saying 'oh dear, what a mess...'

The voice laments about how often Solomon messes shit up, and asks how he could possibly create food that has odd effects on both humans and demons, and that it can't even be classified as food anymore and should be considered a magic potion. They say that Solomon doing these kinda shit without even realising is the worst part. The voice says that MC's consciousness was sent to the past through their dreams cause of Solomon's cooking and that solomon had created an immortality elixir by accident too once. the voice says that despite being a decent human with a good head on his shoulders Solomon can sometimes be more troublesome than the demons cause despite the way he acts he doesn't actually understand his own power. The voice says they'll send MC back home and that they'll forget everything that happened but the effect they had on the brothers as angels will carry on to the future and that in order to ensure the effect doesn't have negative consequences someday the voice will keep an eye on MC from now on. And that the voice will have to think about Simeon as well. They say goodbye until they meet MC again. MC wakes up next to a sleeping Asmo in his bed. When Beel tells them they're finally done cleaning up the bathroom MC tells him they had a wack dream but that they can't remember what it was, Beel says maybe it's something they're better off forgetting. There's a locked chapter that i can't open :')

The lessons over but I've got notes so hear me out!

1. ) The paradox of Mammon and MC's pact- in the previous lesson Mammon said he doesn't make pacts with random humans except as far as we knew then MC was a random human when he made the pact with them. Mammon being the fastest of the brothers also means he could have easily gotten Goldie back without making the pact. This lesson reveals that MC was never a random human and that they'd met thousands of years prior to their 'first meeting' and though neither Mammon nor MC would have remembered that meeting the effect of it would have still carried on. The effect of MC supporting Mammon's schemes and his dreams, the effect of him being flustered by them, of them staring at him in a way that made him blush, of him deciding he liked them, of him feeling like he already knew them and being able to comfortably tease them. And it's probably all of this that led Mammon to make a pact with them. Except MC was stared at him and supported him as an angel cause they already knew him and cared about him as an angel cause they had a pact together and were friends. tldr; the only reason Mammon made a pact with MC was cause they were familiar to him, the only reason they were familiar to him was cause they were nice to him when he was angel, and the only reason they were nice to him as an angel was cause they already had a pact with him and were friends and so on and so on.

2. ) They have so much freedom in the Devildom holy shit??? They went from having a council of scary vaguely sadistic control freaks to just one. They can do whatever they want without any real consequences while in the Celestial Realm a party was seen as something evil? None of them have any real duties in the devildom while they were so busy in the celestial realm they needed a secret room to slack off

3. ) the seraphim seem so much more controlling than diavolo? I mean the man takes any excuse to throw a party and is currently whining about not being allowed to go the human world. While in the celestial realm just talking about wanting to be human is a punishable offence. And yeah sure you could say that I'm comparing the past celestial realm vs the current devildom and that the current celestial realm has probably eased up a lot EXCEPT 01.) in the devilgram with Lucifer's and Diavolo's first meeting Diavolo seems exactly the same as he currently is. 02.) Luke - who is a fairly new angel- 's attitude when he first arrives in the devildom is scarily similar to Lucifer's attitude in the devilgram where he first meets Diavolo 03.) the angel event proves that the Celestial Realm still has a set view on what angels should be like and that the brothers never fit this view

4.) Forming of their sins - the brothers were definitely the odd ones out in the celestial realm even if they were pretty famous and they all had less intense versions of their sins even back then. MC who knows them for only their sins, reinforced them when they were angels which probably led to them embracing these sins more, which would have helped with their fall and with fully developing their sins

5. ) I feel like we might actually get to see michael???? They've been dragging and teasing about finally meeting him for so long.

Pls come talk to me about this lesson! I'm desperate rn i need to hear more thoughts and theories!

#asks #answers #obey me spoilers #obey me #obey me shall we date #shall we date? obey me!#swd obey me #obey me!#obey me mammon #om! mammon #swd mammon #mammon x mc #mammon x reader #my fics #my fic #fics #fic

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hitachiinmisadventures · 4 years ago

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hey how about hcs for the twins as parents (individually)?

also i’m sorry you’re having a bad day :( i hope you feel better soon!

Holy shit you are one of my favorite blogs I think I can die happy now k bye

By individually, you mean each of them as parents right? That’s what I’m going with and I warn you this is going to be a long one

With this, I’m going off the basis that they didn’t grow up basically one of the riches people in Japan as that generally affects how kids our raised and Money Is Literally Power™ in the business world

If I were to keep them rich, chances are they would be away working more often than not (both twins have stated in canon their parents where rarely home). In most, of no all, shows/anime/cartoons I’ve watched and manga I’ve read regarding high-status wealthy families, the child/children grow up being raised by staff and feel alone or forgotten by their parents. Yes they have money, but money isn’t physical affection humans thrive on.

In my college au idea (that I don’t think I ever posted on here...) I stated the headcanon Hikaru had gotten someone pregnant in college. Ngl, I really think this is something that would happen bc he’s never been one to think before he acts.

As for Kaoru, uhhhh he’s the tougher one to put this together for as I’ve never really thought about it for him. He canonically isn’t straight, so for this headcanon we’ll say he’s bi and had a wife first, then a husband

Hikaru upon finding out:

with his first kid, he was utterly terrified the moment she said the words

He was barely an adult and now he was going to be a father the world was against him

The first person he told was (surprisingly) not Kaoru as they were going through a rough spot and not talking to each other

So Mori was the first person he told. It was on the roof of their dorm building at 3 in the morning 15 minutes after Hikaru texted him saying it was urgent and he needed someone to stop him from doing something utterly stupid bc his head was a rushing mess and he had no idea what to do

When Hikaru finally got his head out of his ass and showed up at Kaoru’s dorm a week later (also at 3am, that’s just when this boy has his breakdowns) he broke down and told Kaoru everything. That they we drunk at a party. It was a one night stand. They honestly never expected to have any ties afterwards. And all that was shoved back in his face

He honestly thought (and he thought long and hard about it) about not being in the kid’s life bc he wasn’t ready to be a father

Kaoru knocked some sense into him, figuratively and literally

“Next time, keep it in your damn pants idiot”

Telling his parents was even harder than telling Kaoru. He just called Hikaru and idiot. His father didn’t talk to him for three days. And his mother was torn between being upset or being excited to be a grandmother

He was terrified

But then he heard the heartbeat for the first time

He will never admit it, but he cried

And the sonogram technician told him the we having a girl

A daughter. He was going to have a daughter

He grew more and more excited and less and less terrified

He could do this

Her water broke 6 weeks early and the doctors tried to stop her labor but she was dilating quickly

No he couldn’t do this. He wasn’t ready

Kaoru actually punched him bc Kaoru tends to knock sense into this idiot more than anyone else

“That woman in there is alone which so many strange people with her and the one person who should be in there with her is out here in the waiting room trying to get his shit together. She’s just as terrified as you are, if not more. So take a moment. Get your shit somewhat together. And get in that delivery room”

The waiting consisted of: His parents, her parents, Kaoru, Tamaki, Haruhi, Kyouya, Honey, Mori, Renge, even Kasanoda was there—everyone was ready to meet Baby Girl Hitachiin

Holding his baby girl for the first time was single handedly the best moment of his life

His second kid was planned, he was married by then

His two kids have different mother’s but Hikaru, first baby mama, and step-mother/second baby mama co-parent like goddamn pros)

Hikaru as a father:

He’s a little immature for the longest time and with his daughter he makes a lot of mistakes

His mother is on speed dial and that woman is a saint when it comes to helping

“She has a rash Mom—no I don’t know what kind of rash! That’s why I calling you—no, I’m not sending pictures this time—because it’s down there Mom—a fucking diaper rash?”

He has very little experience and boy does this guy need lots of help

Parenting books, the internet, his mother—he’s using every goddamn resource he can find

Haruhi actually offered to watch his daughter literally any time he needed a babysitter—which brought on many long discussion between the two of them about kids

At one point, Hikaru made in offhand comment to Tamaki about their (Tamaki and Haruhi) future with kids and Haruhi about died on the spot

His kids are 6 yrs apart

By the time his son was born, Hikaru knew what the hell he was doing and totally had everything figured out

quit laughing Kaoru he’s trying his best

His son was named after Kaoru

The differences between how Hikaru raised his kids really show sometimes

With his daughter, he let her get away with a lot more than he should have growing up, he was very lenient and he didn’t quite understand parents aren’t supposed to be their kids’ best friend so she basically got anything she wanted for a long time and that was a hard habit to break for both Hikaru and his daughter

(and considering she was the first kid and between all the hosts and the first grandchild in the family, she was spoiled a lot)

With his son, as his son grew up in a two-parent home with his older sister being at her mom’s 50% of the time, he tried being more strict—he learn his lesson letting his first kid having whatever she wanted—although it was hard as he and his wife weren’t always on the same page when it came to disciplining their son

Hikaru and his wife discussed having another kid, but 2 ended up being plenty (even if the oldest was back and forth between Hikaru and her mother and only spent half the time and every other holiday/birthday with him)

He really is trying his best tho and all he hopes is that his children grow up knowing that

Kaoru upon finding out:

Unlike Hikaru, Kaoru was married for several years before his first kid

They actually tried for a little over 2 yrs to get pregnant with no luck for the longest time—he was beginning to think something was wrong—until Hikaru told him his wife was pregnant, then Kaoru’s wife found out she was pregnant (they were born 3 weeks apart)

Kaoru was super exited for have his first kid

After all, he had all that practice with his niece and his little sister (who was born as they began college)

In all honested, Kaoru was physically and financially prepared for parenthood (buuuut probably not mentally)

His first kid was a boy born at 2 in the morning after 36 hrs of labor, he was exhausted, his wife was exhausted, everyone was getting cranky and Hikaru’s first baby mama made labor look easy and Kaoru was not expecting it to be so bad—or that his wife had such a strong grip on his poor hand—but hot damn holding his son for the first time made everything worth it

I don’t have anything else to add here my brain hurts

Kaoru as a father:

Respectively, Kaoru had more experience with raising kids than his brother did (and he learned a lot from his brother’s mistakes)

Although with all his previous experiences, nothing prepared Kaoru for actually parenthood—it was nothing like watching his niece and little sister

He worked nights for a while so someone would be home with the baby

He didn’t want his son in any kind of childcare facility—nothing against them he swears, he just doesn’t like the idea of someone else taking care of his kid that he doesn’t know

Kaoru and his wife started having problems when their son was around 1-1&1/2yo, but trying staying together for their son’s sake. They ended up divorcing when their son was 5 after Kaoru had fallen out of love with her

Co-parenting wasn’t as easy with Kaoru and his ex-wife as Hikaru and his baby mama made it look (damn Hikaru had to be a pro at this point)

He didn’t get to see his son a lot after the divorce as his ex-wife had custody.

This killed Kaoru. All he wanted was to be there for his son. He grew up with his parents working a lot and being away and he swore he would never let his kid grow up without him around. He ended up only getting his son every other holiday/birthday and during breaks from school

Kaoru treasured every minute of it

Kaoru remarried a few years later and his husband treated his son like he was his own kid any time they had his son

They ended up adopting a little girl (about the time his son was 7 or 8) and a little boy a few years later

Kaoru didn’t really have the best relationship with his oldest until he was in his mid-teens

I know I didn’t stay exactly on task here and I kinda went off and stated headcanons based around their lives as parents rather than how they are as parents and I apologized for that. This was very fun to write for and I enjoyed every minute of it. Thanks for the ask! Sorry it was so long, I’ve been working on this literally since the ask hit my inbox...

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thedappleddragon · 3 years ago

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hooooo my fucking god I don't know why but recently my anxiety/sence of dread has SKYROCKETED in the last 3 days, I haven't been sleeping great and last night I had an anxiety dream about manning the register at work. idk I guess today was fine but im so fucking overstimulated I guess?? I seriously just dont fuking know. but anyway here’s a summary of some days that I may or may not remember. putting it under the cut

Wednesday I was exited to work, they didn’t need me, I hung out with my friends at their outdoor band concert and had boba and it got super cold out

Thursday I went with my dad to drop off a car, then we had breakfast together at a little restaurant I had never been to before. He told me about his childhood n stuff. Then I went to work and priced things outside and felt good about helping some people buy plants even tho I didn’t know exactly what I was doing and ended up handing them off to Becky anyway. Got off work, came home, hung out waiting to be able to go visit my friend but she took a while so dad and I made the snack he had a lot as a kid which was just handmade chocolate frosting on graham crackers. Eventually my friend got home so I grabbed one of those graham crackers in some Tupperware and some other stuff and headed out. It was a longer drive than I was expecting but eh whatever, I got there no problem with a bunch of dad’s shit in the back of the car. We had awkward hellos in her apartment and I pet her fat ass cat until she suggested we go thrifting and oh my god I had never wanted to go thrifting more in my life than right then. I had one of those moments where I realized oh I’m an adult who can go out and just DO things :D so we walked around and gossiped in goodwil and had a great time until they closed, whereupon steph frantically looked for anything that was open near us while I drove around. We settled on going to a little park nearby, where we climbed on the tube with holes on it and swung on the swings. Then we walked around a dense tree/brush like and into the middle of a field, having our main character moments as we walked to the top of a hill with a cross on it. I took a picture of the sunset and a selfie with both of us before we walked back through the field and drove back to her apartment. I gave her 2 tiny flower jars and she let me borrow her container of earring hardware and a bunch of different tiny things to make into earrings. I had a great time and I’d love to hang out again, maybe when everything isn’t closed lmao. We joked a lot about understanding why people do drugs lmao since there’s nothing else to do! everything’s closed!! Also some joke flirting mixed in for flavor. We have an excuse to hang out again so I can return her earring supplies and she can return my Tupperware lol. I thought my phone was going to die on the way home before I realized there was a charging cord in the car! Nice. Got home, watched my friend stream plasmaphobia for a bit while I finished a birthday gift, and hung out and slept when she quit streaming.

Friend’s birthday party day!! Also dad moving day!! The first task of the day was to drive with my dad down to the nearest uhaul to pick up a big ol’ truck, and follow him home in the car while he lead the way in the truck. Then we brought his car full of shit to the apartment, got his key and paid his first month, and looked through everything to do inspection. Tbh it’s a pretty nice apartment, I’d love to spend some time there once it’s a bit more furnished. My favorite part is a Harry Potter style hidey hole closet that’s meant for storage, but it’s the perfect size for a secluded hangout spot for me. I’ll totally let him use it for storage if he wants, I just like sitting in there. I joked that I would let Emily hang out in the spare bedroom and I could get the tiny room. But we spent time cleaning and looking around and bringing in boxes before dad sent me to pick up lunch, my sister, and another car load of boxes. I left to do all 3 and came back with Mcallisters, and we all sat on the floor and ate together. A very nice way to break in a new apartment. We brought in boxes and dad sent us on a quest to pick up a car part and drop it off where the car we dropped off the day before. We got there just fine, but getting to the second location was a nightmare because of all my wrong turns and u turns and no left turns, it was awful. I mean we got there eventually but still. By then it was time for me to get home so I could wash my hair and get ready for the party!! I got everything ready, but my sister wouldn’t be home with the car on time, so I just took my mom’s van. I was on time for once!! But in exchange I didn’t realize I had forgotten Cassidy’s gift until I was like 3 minutes away. But also I found driving my moms van very easy compared to last time I tried to drive it, and I think I’m a much more confident driver now :) but I was one of the first to arrive, accidentally twinned with cass, waited for everyone to show up, met her new dog, and then we all packed up the picnic basket and walked to the top of a hill to have our little sandwiches and play cards against humanity. On the walk there we passed by a park where little kids were asking why we were all dressed up if it wasn’t Halloween, so I shouted at them that it was her birthday and handed them the branch I was carrying. We played CAH on the hill and ate little sandwiches and meatballs and drank sparkling juice and had a lovely time, and when we were done, we walked back to her house where there was pizza and we all changed out of our formal wear. My bra was sewed into my dress with 6 stitches, so I grabbed some scissors and flashed my friend’s cat as I cut my bra free of the dress because I forgot to bring an extra. I changed into my ghostbusters shirt and snake onesie and joined everyone outside for pizza and lots and lots of stories and ice cream cake and gossip and quiplash and balloons and gifts and CAH and friends leaving and new friends arriving and more quiplash and then the grass getting cold and wet and going ham on keeping the balloons up and then playing that’s what she said (basically CAH but ✨for women ✨) and by this time there was a dude I didn’t know but he was very nice and cute and already taken. Tbh I didn’t know half the people there, there was a group of 4 cool alt people I had never met and then the 4 band kids I already knew but everyone else seemed to know each other and they all had great energy so I yelled a lot and joked a ton and had an amazing time. As the crowd dwindled and the night got cooler, I helped put things away before I left so I could be a nice guest, said my goodbyes, gathered my things, and drove home past midnight. Ask walked around the house turning off lights like my mom asked, I realized that my dad wouldn’t be sleeping here anymore, and I felt bad that he had to spend the night all alone in his new apartment :( and this is going to be a huge financial burden that idk if he can afford, rent for the apartment is almost as much as my mom pays for the house. Jejdjgjt this is all a mess and I would like to go back to ignoring it all <3 Listened to a lot of two trucks by lemon demon lmao

Hoo boy howdy I did a lot of shit today. Basically as soon as I woke up I got a text from dad about us helping him move with a promise of donut holes and a fruit platter. I walked out to the garage to find our family friends the drakes helping to move boxes, so we all spent several hours loading boxes into our cars and driving back and forth from the house to the apartment, with emily and I avoiding the drakes as much as possible lmao. When we had moved as much as we could in the car, we started loading up the uhaul, shoving as much shit in there as possible so we only had to do one trip there and back. Partially through unloading the truck the drakes stopped cleaning things before we brought them in left and some randos from dad’s work came to help unload and somewhere in the middle of all this our aunt and uncle and her service dog came to visit?? Bruh idk so much stuff happened. Emily asked me to take her home so she could work on school stuff and we put things back into the garage and I went back to the apartment to help with stuff and hang out with my aunt while my dad and uncle returned the truck. We made a list of stuff I might need for college and I wrote it down on a notepad and most of the page space was taken up by ponies tbh. The men brought back burger king and eventually my aunt and uncle left. I helped my dad clean up and set up his wifi and we watched mama Mia. It was my first time seeing the film, and it was really dang fun. Then I made dad drive me ho e since emily was still gone with the silver car. I’ll spend he night over there eventually, but not yet. I’m exited to eventually invite friends over since I’ve never been able to do that before. So now I’m home trying g to go to sleep so I can work tomorrow. I keep thinking about smoking weed and making out with someone in the hidey hole in dad’s apartment............ even tho I have literally no one to do that with afsagssg I’m a CHILD.

Had dreams last night about being stuck on the infinity train again, except there was a mechanic of switching the world between 2d and 3d and the cast of Bluey had to help bingo go through stages of grief / character moments to help her get off the train or something. I was tossing and turning for a few hours anxiously waking up thinking I was gonna be late and going back to bed so I could sleep/dream more. But then I finally got up, fed my cat, fed myself, helped clean the kitchen a little bit, got ready for work, arrived 15 minutes late on accident, worked register for 6 hours, got more comfortable with register and learned how to do stuff, lots of friendly people, lots of me struggling and my bones hurting, dad brought me food but I couldn’t get to my lunch break until everything was room temperature. The chicken sandwich reheated well but the fries did not. After work dad and I stopped by the house, I got an info card to fill out so I can be called in for jury duty eventually, dad handed me $50 for dinner for us and my sister, we laid on the floor and looked at the noodles and company menu, drove there, picked up our food, had a lovely dinner at dad’s apartment, laid around while he talked to Greg on the phone, went to target to pick up small apartment things like a clock and a trash can and some small groceries but it made me nervous because I hate spending money and watching my dad spend money he may or may not have, and by then we were tired as shit and after dropping his stuff off emily and I drove home and I tried teaching her how to crochet for a school project. Now I’m hanging out wanting to go to bed and thinking about how everybody else my age working at ACE is doing like 60 hours a week with 2 jobs and saving for college and I’m just sitting here with probably 14 hours a week and fuck. I don’t want to spiral into shit, I just want to keep busy as much as possible. Maybe I’ll ask for as many work hours as possible, maybe I’ll ask my friends to hang out, idk. Right now I jut want to be busy so I don’t have to think about anything. I’ll spend as much time as possible helping my dad set up his apartment, I don’t care.

WAAAAA TODAY AT WORK WAS SO STRESSFUL, I LEFT FELLNG SO FRAZZLED IT SUCKED. basically I worked register for 4 hours but they’re all trying to ween me off asking for help to get me more comfortable, and we were surprisingly busy, and my garden boss becky asked me to do 2 extra things and my boss boss kept asking about paperwork that I couldn't fill out because I needed my sister to text me something, and an old man got mad at me over the phone because no-one was out there to fill his propane tank and I had a lady waiting for 10 minutes for someone to help load salt into her car and a middle aged man tried to use sarcasm at me while I was in friendly cashier mode aND IM SORRY I HAVE ADHD I DONT GET IT PLEASE S T O P and I tried answering the phone more and I didnt get the things done that becky asked and I left shit there because I just wanteD OUT. afterwards I went to target to get something, idk im writing this afterwards so I not really remember

and today, my day off. ugh god I dont remember what I did, I know I picked up a vent for my mom’s bathroom and I just went to go get Taco Bell with my sister and bought her some more about crocheting and she’s making progress :) tomorrow is my friend’s birthday and last year I made her a felt doll of her fursona, so today I started making a crochet doll for her. so far I have the body and libs, but I still need to make the muzzle, tail, ears, attach everything, and hand-sew on all the markings and glue on button eyes. or maybe felt eyes, idk. my stomach hurts and I got upset because I told my mom my cat may be sick because her pee looked suspicious so I crocheted and watched my little pony and now I have a headache and im just trying to listen to music but really I just want to watch 50 arms videos at once but it wasn't loading right and idk man I dont know what’s happening, I may be going into work tomorrow. I think now that I have a job to do 3-4 times a week, I dont feel like I can just chill and wing it anymore, it’s like I have plans forever now. and oh god I still have to sig up for college orientation night or whatever, but my mind hasn'tt been on college for like a month or longer. I think im just going to take some Advil and try to relax with my cat and my music. holy shit dude. I know none’s gonna read this but just. fuck. also I should really post these more frequently rather than let them pile up in my texts. thinking about going back and adding all the dates like I did with my early quarantine diary, but that feels like a lot of work

#thanks for coming to my ted talk #may 2021 daily

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grlfriends · 4 years ago

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revolutionary girl utena review

ep 1-5

the plot is actually kinda different from what I thought ?? in my mind the plot was: utena was a girl in a princess school who each and every princess would be "conquered" (for a lack of better words rn) in a ceremonial duel by a prince who fancied them, maybe she didnt wanna wanna marry anyone or she liked Anthy already but anyway in my mind utena showed up in the ceremony with duel clothing and then, in a very brave tm like-scene, she would openly declare she refused to be conquered by anyone and tbh I'm not even sure how Anthy would come into the plot... but back into what actually happened in the episodes everything so far is very introductory and just showing what mechanics will be explored further down the line I think?? the op is really good too

also every boy so far reminds me so much of knights of the zodiac?? maybe it's just the design I guess...) and nanami can get these hands, jealousy is a disease and she's the sickest person on earth for all I know

dont ask me why bit I just feel like room of mirrors - gfriend has a very well fitting vibe for it but I'm not exactly sure why hm.... 🤔🤔

ep 6-12

ok so why does this school just have random animals around 😐 I could understand the horse but a bull and a kangaroo?? what ...

touga just says the most random dramatic things and then just casually says anyone who believes in friendship is a fool ?? the guy wouldnt last a day in the naruto universe tbh, he kinda irks me in some way but I'm not sure why so I'll live with this strange feeling for a while I guess

↳ okay so watching ep 10 made me especially kinda creeped out, I know I've watched only 10 eps so far but like can he fall downstairs and break a neck or something already ...

also haha what if I watched that bet on it fmv and gave myself a bunch of spoilers would that be funny or what 😍 this is why i cant have nice things yall.... hope my memory goes to shit when sleep so I dont remember about it this week while I finish it

I feel like the main thing on the episodes are parallels, one way or another I always feel like they're setting up parallels and giving me clues for a bigger picture and a deeper plot arc that is still to come and the bet on it fmv just made this impression stronger, also I wanna say it's done in a good way, one that is both mysterious (??) and "honey you've got a big storm coming" at the same time 🤔🤔 much to think about honestly

↳ just saw ep 11 and even though I already knew this was coming sooner or later it still felt like crap seeing utena lose to dick head, at the end of the episode when he says anthy was always just reflecting utena's own wishes for himemiya (in another way bc I dont remenber the exact words) it felt like 😐 bc yes I knew that (the way she was working her thoughts was simply a copy and paste of what utena was saying) at all time I kept those essays about anthy in my head, I dont think theyll be truly relatable to what I'm seeing rn but yeah anthy rights (even though I know you betray/cheat on utena down the line bc of the bet on it fmv but I'm sure you had your own motivation)

↳ saw ep 12 bc I just couldnt handle being in a cliffhanger and yeah it happened what I absolutely thought it would lmao not that it was that difficult to foresee but yeah, I kinda liked how utena did it for her instead of being like "oh I wanna save anthy from touga" and treating her like a damsel in distress (I know that's kinda her position as the rose bride for what I've been told so far and that this is a subject spoken about in many many essays on tumblr but yeah) bc so far she's been treated as a trophy and a way to get something else, for the green haired guy it was a way to see something eternal, for miki it was a way to hold on into his "shining thing" and for touga it seems (so far) like a way to manipulate (just like he does with nanami) and just mark his position as above everyone else as he seems to view himself?? man I might be saying random stuff rn but it kinda does makes sense in my mind with the information I've had to this point

ep 13-25

honestly 😐😐 through 9 whole episodes I felt like they were trying to make the side characters deeper and show their hidden face and motivations but it felt so shallow...... not even actually shallow, just not deep enough that it would make me care about these characters and the fact there was no actual build to showing us why we're getting to know these characters backgrounds was just kinda meh too, didnt really help that all episodes had all the same formula and the same timing just for the developers made in those episodes be forgotten at the end and also just that pink haired guy could be like "ah failure again", it felt like watching the same episode over and over again, it was really tiring and like?? girl help I do not care about these characters at all, I feel like it could have been done well (like the keiko ep in comparison to the furuba chapter that deals with the yuki appreciation (??) club president graduating.... the way this ep was done and setup didn't really bring me any emotions) overall not to my taste and tbh I feel like I could have skipped all those episodes except for maybe the miki and juri one so 😑

all nanami focused episodes are the worst so far, she's so boring and I cant stand now annoying she is, the diary episode?? the cow episode?? the episode when tsuwabiki fuels with utena?? honestly I know they're trying to show me a better and different side of her but it just doesnt!! work!! bc i feel no sympathy for her, my biggest wish rn is her and touga just disappearing and no more filler episodes🗣🗣

I thought akio was utena's prince?? but apparently he's just anthy's brother and like.. I'm do done with his little talks with utena and yadda yadda, I just wanna see their duel is that too much to ask I'm dying over here (if this lenga lenga continues until ep 25 i will be so mad bc why were so many episodes wasted on such boring and and not necessary side characters backstories?? idc about them at all man aaaaaaaaaa)

↳ ep 25 was good finally we got what we deserve boys 😭😭😭😭😭 can utena just beat up akio already I'm tired of his ass, he exhales both "I'm a feminist I even take women studies classes #herstory" and "if she breathes she's a thot" energy also he has 0 style that mullet is simply horrible I bet there's a hairstylist community who considers him a criminal bc like 😐 it is simply so bad (q bit less when it's tied up but when it's all lose jesus Christ)

also touga thinks he's suuuuch a genius, sooo smart like king, I do not care about you at all can you shut the fuck up please and can we tall about the pink haired guy episode?? wack. honestly thought it would be more emotional or something, I binge watched 12 episodes with his ugly haircut face and did not even feel a thing he can choke I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ANTHY TAKING A SWORD OUT OF UTENA'S CHEST??? OSCAR WORTHY KINGS❗❗❗and then her lame ass brother being like "oh ho ho idk idk" shut up no one cares no one cares I swear to you no one cares shut uuuuup

ep 25-39

first of all, ep 25 was good but kinda reminded me of the nine episodes (13 until 21) where absolutely nothing interesting happened so I hope I'm wrong also can I just say just seeing the preview of the next episode made me roll my eyes so bad I almsot saw my brain?? bc yeah I'm fucking tired of nanami fosuced episodes she's so annoying oh my god nobody cares about a goddamn egg and much less one coming from her let her die or something pls she's so annoying there's nothing I've learned about her that was not against my own will I'm basically rotting over here 🤒

↳ ep 30 has me thinking Akio has a foot fetish or something 😐 bruh leave utena aloooooone I already know your plans and schemes you're not fooling anyone that's embarrassing for u and also... utena you're not very bright are you.... you start seeing every duelist you face with the same exact car and then when you see akio has the same car you didnt even stop to think about it that 1+1 equals 2 ... girl help yourself 😐

↳ yet again another nanami focused ep 😐😐😐😐😐 even though I do understand her better now I still don't find her particularly enjoyable to watch, call me a woman hater but like. idk she's still a bit annoying to me (but touga is straight up evil and is manipulating her so I feel bad for feeling like that tho.....)

↳ ok last 2 eps to go but listen. I thought the akio duel would have happened much sooner, maybe on ep 33 max but well didn't this age well lmao ngl, it did seem a bit too slow paced for my personal taste but also I feel like there's a certain level of drama that comes with slowing the pace down....

↳ aaaaaa yall I'm kinda 😢😭 over the ending omg........... even though it took the best of me to keep going in some parts I still enjoyed the ending aaaaa I thought i wouldnt really like it bc I just usually dont enjoy this type of ending but stil 😢😢😢😢 wait for me utena 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 girl I cried and then anthy walking in the end god utena and anthy holding hands 😭😭😭😭 akio can suck my dick

there's obviously many things I've missed or that I kinda didnt really pay attendance to so please dont take this serious, I was just writing as I watched the episodes so it's more like a thought compilation than anything, still I can see why there's many essays written about it and why it is held as a masterpiece by so many people

#g.txt

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lescabinson · 4 years ago

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So, I’m rewatching OUAT

and boy, oh boy, was that a mistake....

in yet another quarentene driven decision I’ve started watching ouat again and since everyone loves (not) when I commented svu, I’m gonna do it again lol

I finished season 1 yesterday/this morning so here’s a few tweets from my rewatch:

* “ Rewatching ouat season 1 and god, they really ran with that anti adoption theme huh. I mean, Regina wasn't a great person back then, but still....”

* “ It always fascinated/bugged me how different Lana looked between the evil queen and Regina early on, but now I'm realizing it's the wardrobe. Regina's outfits on the first few episodes don't fit her right, they are a little off in size (they also look cheap compared to later ones), which makes her look smaller, while the queen outfits are basically sewn on her body. “

* “ Regina was an asshole and I loved her from day one. I mean, she's a giant fucking nerd, with a smart mouth who spend 18 years having nothing but free time. She's gotta let go on someone lol “

* “ Some people..... Watch 4B.... And still think.... Regina is.... straight..... I mean, ship sq or not, don't care, but don't look at me and say she and maleficent never fucked lol “

* “ I had forgotten how much implied rape there was in this show.... I mean, the biggest one is Regina and the king, but I had forgotten what there's little implications of it all the time “

* “ I always mention Mal when talking about Regina being bi/pan but can we talk about Ruby??? Am I supposed to believe that Regina sat at granny's for EIGHTEEN years while the best friend of her mortal enemy flirted with her every Single Morning, And did nothing? Yeah, right...”

* “ it's been over 8 years, and I still can't find a heterosexual explanation to Regina giving that rose to the nurse lol “

* ” Remember when Sebastian Stan was on ouat and was dating jmo? lol What a strange time that was.... “

* “ I know regina was the "villain" in season 1, but like, Emma is so wrong in what she's doing..... the anti-adoption theme is the thing I dislike most about this season “

* “ people are always like "yeah, but imagine it's the real world!1! regina was bad!!1" buddy, imagine the birth mother of your son shows up in town, decides she will stick around and then tries to get custody based on the theories of a 10 year old and some wild conspiracy.... “

* “ Anyway.... the blue fairy is the true "big bad" of the show, I'll die with this theory... “

* “ I forgot regina tried to seduce david lol what a wild time that was... “

* “ sometimes I wonder what would have happened if snow and charming had gone through the wardrobe with Emma as they intended, what would regina have done?”

* “ also, how bizarrely pro-choice is this tree lol 9 months pregnant snow = 1 person. I mean, I'm not disagreeing, but it always makes me laugh lol. I'm guessing it counts as "breathing beings" idk, idk why I'm talking about this lol. also, I don't trust blue, she might have just thought it would be best if no one else went through and lied about it... “

* “ as stupid as Geppetto was, can we talk about how that tree just EXPLODES and Pinocchio crews out of it? could you imagine snow doing it? lol “

* “ ok, but, apart from the whole anti-adoption crap and that, can we talk about how much season 1 slaps tho?. like, they had a vision, and they DID IT, they went through with it AMAZING they never did it again, but still, season one man....”

* “ emma is so selfish tho, it's one of the things I like most about her. because as wrong she is, as selfish she is, she KNOWS it, she knows she's not being the hero here, she's not being the good guy. the best thing about once is when they allow their characters to be multifaceted. of course, they stop doing it around season 3 and start to act like Emma is a precious hero who can't do no wrong and all she does is the right thing “

* “ daniel's grave is so weird, it kinda looks like a child did it, which only adds to the fact that Regina WAS a child back then. the more you think about her backstory the sadder it gets “

* “ I can never see the fight scene without thinking about how Jen and Lana were trying not to hurt the other and end up hurting themselves lol. this is quite common actually, especially with people who are not trained stunt doubles “

* “ ugh I CANNOT believe in the cursed year of 2020 I'm having Regina feelings again. actually, yes, yes I can believe, with everything going on this year, why not? “

* “ that shot of Regina watching from the outside of the room and Emma and henry reflected in her still is *chef's kiss*

* “ I love breaking down a show's photography and ouat usually goes super classic with it, but sometimes, some directors like to try a different shot or two during an episode. saying it's classic isn't a bad thing, it just means they do the safe thing, which is understandable with how many people they normally have on the shot and all the CGI. I mean, the CGI is already pretty bad, they don't need anything more to difficult it and make it worse lol “

* “ can we talk about how crap "true love" is tho? David was still lying to snow about who he was and Emma and henry met like three weeks ago “

#skipped a few tweets #put some together but yeah #that was my season live tweet lol #I mostly did the last 4 episodes #cause I didn't felt like it in the beginning #only after stable boy was that I started feeling like venting #as you can see regina is my favorite and has always been #even in the first time I watched #lesbabinson watches ouat #if you wanna blacklist this posts #it's a 7 season show tho #I'll be done with it by next week #won't be a month long thing like svu was #this will get pretty anti-cs at some point #so be warmed

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soccialcreature · 5 years ago

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final verdict (obvi all of the eps were fantastic but my rankings are):

phantom apprentice > old friends not forgotten > shattered > victory and death

explanation and spoilers under the cut

victory and death was just SO sad i dont think ill ever b able to rewatch it. that doesnt make it worse, obviously, but i just caaaaaant like physically cant deal. its too sad. im glad it was sad! i love when media makes me cry. the episode ended and i just fuckin broke down and sobbed for like half an hour. like.... dave cudve given us some happy? or a sliver of hope. maybe if we didnt KNOW that rex and ahsoka were going to survive then the fact that they survived would have been hopeful but since we already KNEW.... idk. just the fact that her WHOLE battalion died is too sad. i guess like. darth maul got a happy ending. even in revenge of the sith it was like “anakins kids are a new hope!” but here we got NONE of that. it kind of had to be like that i guess. anakin being vader was set in stone since 1980. but like... cmon dave. u cudve changed it. we wudntve been mad. it was also just really short, and im sure that wont be an issue when i watch this arc all together as a movie, but it was just SUPER short. maybe this one will move up in my list after i’ve had some time to process it all.

shattered was also really good. my my new favorite thing ever is ahsoka and maul’s interaction bcuz that was comedy GOLD. i liked that at least ahsoka knew WHY the clones turned on her, which is guess makes it a little happier bcuz the rest of the jedi like obi-wan still have no idea what happened. ugh it was still a lot tho. liked her last convo with bo and with the jedi council. and ahsoka and maul’s vision of anakin was rly cool. i think my biggest issue (which is not even that huge of an issue) with these last 2 eps is that if felt pretty claustrophobic and monotonous bcuz it was mostly set on this one ship.

old friends not forgotten was basically perfect. i think anakin and ahsokas reuinion was done really well, though i still wished they had hugged. :(. the opening with anakin and obi-wan when i first watched the episode didn’t really resonate with me but now, knowing that that’s essentially ALL we get of them in this whole arc, im really really that thats there and i like it a whole lot more now. ugh i miss them. its so sad. ahsokas argument with obi-wan was also really good. i like how you can take either side because theyre both sort of right and sort of wrong. the action sequence with ahsoka landing on mandalore is, i still think so, the BEST action sequence in all of star wars. im so proud of my girl. perfect way to start the last arc of the show and remind us of everything we are about to lose. it ties into revenge of the sith really well, i think even better than these other ones. the fact that we KNOW what’s going to happen to these characters is what makes this episode, especially because that knowledge is kind of a hindrance to the other episodes in this arc.

phantom apprentice is literally a perfect episode. there is so much to love about this. it is actually PEAK star wars. like this is the best its gonna get. why cudnt the sequels be this good? also... none of it was set on a ship which was nice. theres really nothing i dislike about this episode so ill just talk about everything that was great about it. the set pieces were beautiful, highlighted by the gorgeous animation, the fight choreography was amazing and it really felt like it was 2 real people (which is was) who KNEW what they were doing and were actually trying to kill each other, again, every interaction with ahsoka and maul was perfect, they really made his character SO interesting by making him like... right? about everything. like he actually wanted to save the galaxy, thats really interesting. ahsoka SHOULD have joined him but thats the whole point. she has too much faith in anakin. on that note, i loved how much they talked about anakin. I loved ahsoka’s conversation with obi-wan this one also is really good at tying in with revenge of the sith, and showing how these stories happen simultaneously. the other good thing about this is that we DONT know what happens at all. in the other episodes we at least have an IDEA of whats going to happen, but ahsoka and mauls story here is completely new. this is all new information. there was even a bit of politics in there with bo and ahsoka about the siege. but ya overall id say maul is what makes this episode so incredible. he’s just great in this one. im so glad this episode exists because now i can definitively say that i have a favorite clone wars episode.

conclusion: i just wish i couldve gotten into a show that has a happy ending. why does the ONE series that im so in love with have the saddest ending possible??? i really hate to think about this but.... this series might have just been better with a happy ending. it may have been more fun to see our faves overcome all of these obstacles, even if it was hard. obvi the jedi order would have to go through some reforms, but if the series had ended with at least anakin, ahsoka, padme, obi-wan, rex, and the clones being TOGETHER, that may have actually been better than a tragic ending. i think anakin and ahsoka’s relationship is really the heart of this series, and what reeeaaally hits is them both thinking the other is dead at the end of this series, only to meet later as enemies. it’s just so sad. dave, what do you have to say for yourself?

#star wars #the clone wars #tcw finale

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areallyshittywriter · 4 years ago

Text

Death Certificate

It was bright and cold. The sky wavered a dark mystic blue, with children of grinning stars shining brightly in its darkness. The wind was carrying newborn snow to the parents below, but never once ever howling in complaint. It had not a hint of human impurity, not even a breath in the sky. It was simply heavenly.

This only lasted of course, until a scruffy, thin, senile man scorched the soundless peace, with his ragged breaths and limping strides. Every wisp of his grumpy mumbling, creating a vivid cut in the air. Every inconsistent grunt felt like a lobotomy with a sharp ended stick. And every sight I took of him being a waste of a memory and a waste of time. He took his time, dragging himself from the misty abyss of the forest.

I could feel the length of my finger begin to tap mercilessly against the dark crusted parasol. Silver rusted flakes were cracking and falling against the snow, bringing another wave of heat to reverberate along my crooked bones.

“Would you please hurry up? It takes time for nature to clean up the contamination you’re polluting,” an evident coldness, leaked from my lips.

It took the goat a further 357 seconds before he finally reached a metre apart from me. Even then, I still took a step back from him; “How strange it is, that your filthy race has managed to charge straight through nature’s innocence, and still it took you 23 minutes to climb a measly slanted hill.”

Only a gruff was his response. His gaze never reached my own; the only pleasing thing about this occasion.

“To think this would be added to an eternal list of failures, Eric Blair. Or would you prefer I call you George Orwell?” Malice and stillness were left in my words.

The man froze silent. Even his deeds and actions cannot be concealed to my omniscient species. It is vital to know everything when coming to a conclusive judgement. Actions will reveal intent. Intent creates judgement. Simple.

“Tell me, George; why did you keep your books to yourself for all these years? Surely, someone would’ve read them?”

He took a deep breath and sighed, wiping the icy sweat from his rotting hands.

His croak, weak against the wind, “they would never be goin’ anywhere. The books. They were only an out, from this godforsaken world.”

How, ironic.

“Hmm, well let’s continue this discussion. The snow can only fall for so long before it touches the ground.” I began reading,

Death Certificate

Eric Arthur Blair

Date: June 8th1984

This is to certify that the records in my office show that Mr Blair,

Died at 7:30am on 8th Day of June 1984

That day was the official declaration of Stalin’s kingship over the world. No government had managed to prevent his dictatorship, nor any future ones. With the books kindled in fire, no one will ever achieve the ability of intellect, to fight his ruling. I could feel the second wave of heat roll over me as my tapping commenced again.

“That was a Friday. It seems you couldn’t even make it to the weekend.” There was no cover of the harshness in my voice. And still, the geezer ignored my comments and continued his sadistic stroll. I continued;

Gender: Male

Age: 47

Cause of Death:

“Oh that'll be interesting”

Injuries. This includes the carving and removal of the corpus unguis, cutting needles puncturing the retina and internal ear area and repeated fisted blows to the frontal lobe. Ultimately, created breakage in the cranium, acute deafness and blindness in the left eye, thus resulting in death.

There wasn’t an ounce of surprise within his eyes, let alone soul. How disappointing. Fortunately, though, I am aware of everything that occurred after the death. And I must say, it was absolutely barbarous; lucky me.

“My oh my, it seems we’ve forgotten a few very crucial and interesting details, my dear Eric.”

The decaying goof discarded my comment and continued his striding destruction of baby snow. Even so, I’ve learnt how to pull the shakiness and tears from any pathetic human soul, so I continued my unsparing talk;

“The certificate has seemingly never stated what happened after your death! What a shame, since you never got to find out. Well, I guess I could always do a small favour and simply just add it in, can’t I?”

After death, the corpse was then taken to a guillotine to have the head sliced from the lower body.

“Well, it stills seems quite connected to me”

The corpse was then dowsed in octane and was set ablaze with phosphorous sulphide.

The corpse was burnt to a point of unrecognition along with a wide collection of books.

Finally, I got him.

His treachery upon the land had seized, along with his mumbles and grunts. His burnt brown eyes were glazed in a fear so indescribably amazing, that I couldn’t help myself but grin.

There is a rule amongst my kind that we could never take pleasure in the sufferings of tyrannical beasts. However, knowing how fully capable this monster had in completely altering reality, just with a single stroke of a pen, was collapsing in the chains of fear. Well, I couldn’t help the laughter that overtook me. Especially when his lifeless grasp went to touch the very place his own kind, own friends tried to cut from him.

Although, he simply closed his eyes, took a deep breath and continued walking. As if it didn’t matter to him. Disturbing. Even after death, he can continue to accept his pitiful existence. Monotonous, I finished the last disastrous parts of the certificate.

Occupation(s):

Author, Novelist, Current Affairs Writer, Bookseller, Screenwriter, Literary Critic, Poet, Essayist

Marital Status:

Married to Eileen O’Shaughnessy

Witness:

Joseph Stalin, Nadezhda Alliluyeva, Kato Svanidze, Winston Smith, Emmanuel Goldstein, Keke Geladze,….

“…basically, the entirety of Russia”.

It was here where I finally halted. The certificate was finished, and his final moments were known to him. That is the job I own; to bring the knowledge of the final moments of the deceased to light, and to make a judgement.

Eric Blair is a special exception, however. There’s a peculiar complication of his intentions about his books. Although, a verbal recognition intent has never concerned me. Actions will always reveal intent.

Eric had turned quietly to meet my gaze.

His voice was cutting and yet somewhat like a cold croak, “I guess this is the end then”

Well, to a usual one of my species, he would be right. However, “No, it isn’t”.

His eyes were sinking heavy and an abyss of mist swirled amongst the forest. My final torment would have to be quick.

“Mr Blair I’m afraid I have never informed you of what my species is”

Callous, he spoke, “I already know. Your somethin’ like death, or like a Grim Reaper”

“Yes, I guess in a sense. Except my species can do something yours still tries to grasp an understanding of. You see we reap the lives of not just your people, but people in other timelines as well.”

The mist began to crawl and cling to edges of brown-skinned boots. Grasping and rising like the dead gripping to their mortality. Time was dwindling.

“I hope you understand well when I say that there is a reality where you actually published your books. And those very same books could’ve prevented the creation of your timeline.”

A living and breathing boil was breaking from its cavity within me. Glazing my cool bones in shakiness and heat, blistering an irritation that rivalled natures quakes. The gruelling fog began its pace, growing and falling in rhythmic tides, encircling its victim within. However, that never pulled away the attention of the monster from me. His eyes were locked and wet, awaiting his sentence.

“To put it simply,…”

Finally.

“You are the reason that civilisation crumbled. You kept your revolutionary words tucked away, like children. And just like that, you had allowed Stalin to rule a world, that’s unrulable. You caused the destruction of your timeline…”

The white cool mist began to mature into a black swirl of darkness, gradually picking up speed as enclosed the monster into a tight ring. His mudded wet eyes wandered in circles, as he inevitably realised his end was soon. Even so, the beastly Blair had grasped every drop of my bloodless confrontations;

“..All because you were simply too weak, too afraid to have any remote strength. You clung lonely to your books. You hid them from the world. You took knowledge from what could’ve saved the very few innocent people living. You are what all the demons in hell revere.”

The mist was cold and dark, raging like a wildfire around the decaying skin of Blair. Shapes of burnt cracked skinned hands clung to his arms and dragged him into the pulsating heart of darkness. Dragging him into the cold clutches of demons and villains below, where nature will never come to free him from the depths of his sins.

“And that is my judgement”.

So you’ve read my horrible writing. Congrats. It’s only going to get shitter from here. Please give some feedback tho

#1984 #george orwell #alternative reality #writing #shit #school is going to be the death of me #shitty hashtag

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