#tho i know i did like wtf but whatever we are NOT overthinking it

[bell-swamp-fitzjames]

I want to give nearly every character a playlist from the terror, starting with ones i know we aren't seeing in the davechella roster (what i wouldn't give to see the davechella manson drop). I spent a lot of time on this one, I cannot promise songs won't be added but I'm aiming for all terror playlists to be between 21-23 songs, & i really dig it.

[allisonlol]

helloooooooooooooooooo

I hope you're doing well and you're rest because we don't want you to get tired just for us 😭

I have a request I don't know if you already did but can you do dazai and chuuya with reader who stained her skirt with period blood but she's too embarrassed and try to hide it from them

a/n: HELLO.,,,,,everyone omfg srry for being gone for 8 months 😵‍💫 do u guys still luv me…. /j. i’ve been writing on here for 3 years now and we all need a break sometimes but ty for the continued support!! this req is super cute

warnings: afab / fem reader, periods, blood

Chuuya

chuuya is like. super chill abt blood and periods so idk why u would need to hide this from him 😭

but let’s say u guys recently started dating and u still felt a little awkward abt it!!

chuuya had invited you over to his penthouse for the evening and you wore a new skirt just for the occasion

you knew it was risky to wear such a light color while on ur period but WHATEVER !!

a few hours go by fine, with the two of you watching movies and trying sips of his extensive wine collection

however, u start panicking in the bathroom when u realize you’ve bled thru ur new skirt 😭 at THE chuuya nakahara’s house of all places!!!

cuz what if he thinks it’s gross and kicks u out?☹️

^(he would NEVER but ur so panicked and worried that ur overthinking)

you try scrubbing the stain out with cold water which helps a little but also kinda makes it worse cuz now ur skirt has a big wet patch 😭🙏🏻

the stain is still noticeable as well but u suck it up and leave the bathroom

ur immediately fumbling for ur keys and talking about how u have to go home

chuuya is like “wtf happened” and thinks that HE did something wrong or made u uncomfy in some way

he’s surprised but super understanding and goes to walk u to the door

^while walking u out tho he notices the blood and asks all politely and quietly if that’s what’s wrong 🥺 this man is a sweetie pie omfg

u admit to him that it was and he offers u some of his clothes to wear if u want to stay longer…

Dazai

so!! the two of u had went to the mall for the day

an hour in you ditch dazai to sprint to the bathroom and realize that. yes you started ur period and YES it leaked thru ur skirt!!!

you have no way to hide it so you just pray u can get home asap to change before anyone notices

you meander out of the bathroom and sift thru the crowd to find dazai

dazai is already on high alert at being in such a public place with u that he immediately notices ur acting off

^(by “high alert” i just mean that he gets worried you’ll be targeted or attacked bc ur close to him 😭)

anyway. the second dazai notices ur aura is off he won’t stop pestering you about what’s wrong

acts all playful about it but he is low key sweating bc what if something serious happened while he wasn’t around??

you keep fidgeting with ur skirt and insisting that you want to leave immediately

dazai will go quiet and nod in agreement, and y’all begin to leave

except you don’t want the people behind you guys to see the blood so ur pulling all sorts of moves to hide it 😵‍💫

you try walking in front of dazai for coverage but u also don’t want HIM seeing it so ur honestly just stumbling around awkwardly

shit, at this point dazai thinks you’ve been drugged or something and grabs ur arm to drag you towards the exit 😭

shoves ur ass in the car and grabs ur face to examine ur eyes and see if you’re actually on something LOL

^you’ve fr never seen him so serious before

you realize what he thinks has happened so you super bleakly tell him the truth so he stops worrying

dazai will just look at u like “😐” bc WDYMMM u were trying to hide a bloodstain from him!!! he has seen much worse!!!

dw cuz he bursts out laughing 5 seconds later at how both of y’all were so worried over nothing

[se0bs]

𝖢𝗈𝗈𝗅 𝖶𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝖸𝗈𝗎，𝖸𝗈𝗈𝗇 𝖪𝖾𝖾𝗁𝗈

𝖲𝗒𝗇𝗈𝗉𝗌𝗂𝗌-having a leader that’s stays in your mind making you feel a certain way

𝖨𝗇𝖿𝗈-Keeho x Reader,Fluff,Idol Au

𝖶𝖺𝗋𝗇𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀-Cussing,Eating,Overthinking?

You know a lot about me idc what you say though. Just say your mine please I’m trying my best to stay sane.I’m cool with you my love.

Standing here infront of many people.How do I breath with you in the crowd starring at me.I want to be seen but you make me feel different…

The song starts I turn on airplane mode.Sing dancing the best part it’s you being there looking at me.Once the song ends it feels like a new beginning start for me.Trying to understand why this is happening to me I will just cool down.Stage ends and my group begin to walk to are room breath heavily from the workout that just happened.

“Y/n you need to stop zoning while you walk” my member said to me.”Oh idk I was doing that” not really caring for that just trying to make sense of things.”Mk whatever you say”

“Wdym by that m/n..”

“We all know you being trying to understand how you feel about that boy keeho that we see walking to practice” my member all agree with the statement just said.”I’m just a little confused on my feelings” telling them.”It’s hard to understand stand how you feel and we all take time to feel confident with it.There is no need to rush on how you feel because I understand you point of view”

My group is watching the other group’s performance so I decided I go get some snack from the vending machine I saw. Grabbing my tote bag with my wallet I tell my manager where I’m going.

Heading towards where I saw it i didn’t bring my headphones since there is a group so listen is why better to me.Spotting it I stand still for a bit.A group is talking photos umm maybe I’ll just wait for them to finish…

Walking down the stairs I see keeho and his members “man I just wanted to get some snacks really” whispering to myself.The other group leaves letting p1h take photos maybe I should just pass by them.

Would that be rude?

Yeah

what if I get in back of their photos?

I can’t have that

I’ll just wait again

“Oh Hi Y/n!” On of the members said I think is name is jongseob.I remember seeing him on tv many it’s crazy how tall he got.”Umm Hi I um just never mind I can wait please don’t mind me sorry” blow to them.”No No is ok did you need anything?” Keeho said trying not to freak me out.”I just wanted to get some stuff from the vending machine I can wait tho!!”

“Hey no stop apologizing, move intak you dookie butt!” Keeho softly push intak away from the machine 😭.”Omg Uhh Ty hahah” wtf I’m I so fucking awkward.

Putting my money in I push the buttons the best thing is my group loves the snack here so I don’t really have a hard time choosing.Grabbing the stuff I put each item in my bag.I can hear the boys talk behind me in a soft voice like they are trying to whisper but it’s really not working.

“Ooo keeho” one of them say.”Shut up before I hit you little boy” keeho told them.Hearing this loud and clear “Go kiss them or make a move if not you a loser” Ik which one said that statement it was Theo.

Once I hear that I stop and decide to make up a dumbass excuse “Ahh I forgot to get more cash I’ll be right back” knowing dam I have money.”It’s okie I have a few bucks hear”.Keeho grabs is wallet and gets money out.Wtf did I say that I’m so cringe giving some kdrama shit.”Ttyyyyy 😃” trying not to breach down.

Putting it in I just pick a random snack and put it In my bag.”Good Choice I love those” hearing from the side of me.”Ewww sorry that was cringe I’m really sorry about that!!” Keeho told me trying to not laugh I just can’t hold it in.Everyone is laughing Keeho standing there embarrassed I look back up and I have a marker in my tote digging into it I take the top off and right my number on the box and gave it to keeho.I’ve decided I might take a chance.”Here for lending me some money”

He grabs is and thanks me hiding his face behind his hand.

Walking back I already I’m going to be dreaming about each other.Step by step I feel a cool breath pass me.I grab the handle to my door and open it greeting me and sitting down placing the snacks down.Picking a snack out I lay back on the couch and open it and hear.”He’s on your mind right?”

“Yeah”

[stfulia]

Hi chat

Hi, wtf tho?.

I met this friend (P) last year and i quickly started to trust him, which is weird cause of my trust issues. The reason i felt so confy was because he did NOT know the people i was talking about. (pd: i dont talk shit about them, just overthink about the way i feel about them). So basically the first thing i talked about when i started being friends with him was that friends becoming friends with my friends lowkey made me feel bad, cause many times before, had happened to me that they become BETTER friends between each other and i was left out. He said he agreed and that he feels the same. I dont really care about them just being friends, i just dont want them to "replace" me or make me feel left out by my OWN friends. (ig thats understandable)

So i have this other online friend (OF-online friend cause why not) who i know for like 4 years now. I appreciate a lot my online friends cause ive always trusted them in order to talk about feelings, i guess because i dont feel it THAT much real as it would feel if i vented irl. I like to gatekeep my onine friends because i have some bad trust issues thinking they could tell whatever im talking about to someone else. I know im a bit paranoid but i literally cant help it, i need that kind of TRUST in order to feel confortable around you.

Then, few months ago, i dont really know how, but OF sent a friend request on instagram AND bereal to P, cause when i really love my friends, i talk about them with others and they knew each other because of that. Firstly i asked P to not accept it, cause he KNEW that annoyed me a bit. Well, he did, and also said "yeah but i dont talk with her" and i was like "okay, youre right". Then they started to react to each others bereals and they NEVER react to mine, which made me feel a bit weird ngl. But then ONE DAY i just know they started talking by photos via instagram. And they talked about their personal stuff, THINGS THAT THEY DONT TALK WITH ME, LIKE???.

Okay, so when they started talking i acted like i didnt care, cause i decided to trust them and i liked them to get along very well. But one day, OF asked me if P was flirting with her, which was like 💀💀💀. Ofc i asked him (p) and he said he was just joking and that she wasnt even his type, which i actually do believe. But since OF saw that i was lowkey jealous of them being that """flirty""" she jokes about having a crush on him and dating him or sexual stuff that i dont even want to talk about. Ofc i took everything as a joke, cause it was JUST a joke, right?.

Time passed and when i met with P irl, cause we often do, he is constantly taking pictures about everything to reply to OF. And i admit that it makes me jealous, he is very friendly with me, he is VERY affectionate* and i lowkey just wanna fell special ig. I guess im just overreacting but i cant help but feeling this way. So, the thing is, lately, he has been acting distant with me. Yes ofc he has more things to do than me, but yk, i always start the conversation, and it feels like whenever i text him, he is just distracted, i doesnt feel like him anymore. YES, THERES THE CHANCE HES BEEN FEELING BAD FOR ANY REASON BUT IF HE DOESNT EVEN TELL ME, HOW CAN I KNOW???.

*P is just like a best friend to me. I am very very closed to people, i struggle receiving any type of affection, but with him, for some reason, i like to receive hugs, very long hugs. A long hug while watching a movie, if you get me.

So this afternoon, P texted me first (i was even excited) and asked me to play roblox this night. And i was genuinely HAPPY cause i just wanted to spend time with him. Then OF texts me saying that we were gonna play roblox but with her (OF) and another loved online friend of mine(OF2). So what i could only think about was that he has been dry to me while he was planning playing roblox with them💀. YES, I KNOW they ALL invited me, but the starting point was NOT TALKING TO MY ONLINE FRIENDS, and i have tolerated TOO MUCH with OF, i cant tolerate it nomore with OF2. SO, i told P that i dont really feel like it because i dont like them being friends with each other. AND THEN P TOLD OF THAT HE COULDNT PLAY CAUSE OF ME. AND THAT MADE ME SO MAD. CAUSE WHY WOULD YOU EVEN TELL HER THAT?? IT WASNT NECESSARY. I know its the truth, but sometimes, truth just needs to sit in silence between those who know it.

AND, what did you do? Call me inmature, call me jealous, call me toxic, call me avoidant, IDC. I just need to push away them, push away EVERYONE, so i lowkey ghosted them. I TOLD THEM THAT I NEEDED SPACE AND TIME TO PROCESS WHATEVER IM FEELING AND I MADE MYSELF CLEAR THAT THEY CAN BE FRIENDS WITH EACH OTHER IF THEY WANT TO, JUST KNOW I WONT LIKE IT. But i feel like they didnt get it cause their response is rude and mean. I mean, i dont expect them to talk to me like a princess, but who is annoyed here is I, me, myself, not you wtf?.

SO YEAH, THATS PRETTY MUCH WHAT HAPPENED AND WHAT I THINK OF. I just wanted to vent cause now i lowkey cant (my closest friends are them and now i cant tell anyone my feelings), and if you have something to say ill ofc be super happy to read it.

SORRY IF THERE WAS A MISTAKE OR SMTH, ENGLISH IS NOT MY FRIST LANGUAGE, and sorry for the HUGE text.

Thanks chat.

[nyusdarkdays]

i like a girl lol

Sooooooooooooo ummm the title of this rant? would be "i like a girl" lmaooo Soooooo yeah theres a girl i kinda like?? its nothing serious tho but yeah i like her ig, she's not really my type tho but idk . She treats me so well i cant help it. i feel things lol. I keep checking my phone every second of the day (just did again) and it sucksssss. She kinda likes me back? atleast thats what she says . but idk i dont think so. The possibility is too narrow but yeah.

She has a boyfriend lol and its not like i care tbh cause its not like i wanna make her cheat on him something i mean she wouldnt and i wouldnt want her to. Also i know this isjust a phase for her and itll go away soon. for her or for me. Yk know i cant like someone for long especially if i dont see a possibilty of us dating. so yeah im gonna go with the flow rn. She told me that she had a crush on me since months tho but again ahh i dont think so. maybe shes overthinking . maybe she just wants to be my friend.

anywayyy soo im just going with the flow. we flirt a lot. we blush a lot. Thta bitch flirts with othets and makes me jealous lmao dumb fuck and i do the same bwahaah. sooooo yeahhhh i know after whatever this thing is ends im gonna be sad af for 2 weeks i think? cause we talk so much and its gonna be lonely. but again im a pro at moving on soooooooooo

7/10/23 (1:51am)

(im gonna keep adding the rants)

and the best thing about this is that i'm very well prepared for the heartbreak so im sure it wont hurt much lol im actually very sure about that. I always expect the worst in these things so its going to be chill. I'm sure shell come out of this phase soon and it will only be a memory for both of us. mostly in a good away tho. I'm not gonna take this too seriously and just have fun. you're flirting? okay ill flirt back. you're treating me well? ill do the same yeah thats it lol

i have a strong gut feeling that this is gonna end soon like 3-4 days? i dont know. lets see

7/10/23 (18:25)

Oh wow soooo it almost ended that day lollll but then yeah we kinda talked it out? Anyways i feel like something changed after that. I think in a good way? The obsession feelings decreased and maybe the good friendship feelings increased? I honestly have no idea and i should probably stop trying to figure it out lol. Anyway now I'm back and i think she doesn't like me anymore. Maybe I'm just over thinking? But lol nvm let's see how it goes

11/10/23 (2:05am)

Lmao bitch read this post. anyways im gonna act like no one knows about this account. Its soooooo scary i know i've told this before but its just really scary. See i have trust in myself that if IF something goes wrong ill move on fast, OKAY WHY AM I OVERTHINKING AGAIN. lets fuck this. SHES SO CUTE IM SO OBSESSED I HATE HER SO MUCH. ITS SO MUCH FUN TALKING TO HER. even though sometimes i really wanna push her off a cliff but its okay. I wanna write so much but im blank again wtf

14/10/23 (01:48am)

Why do i feel like she hates me now. Maybe she'll finally lose feelings. i mean yeah thats okay and understandable but it'll be too sudden so idk. I'm ready for anything at this point . I wanna text her but i guess ill give her space. I'll just distract myself and sleep. She has nooooooo idea about the amount of over thinking im doing rn. im so sure shes done with me and will never see my face again. lemme prepare myself. Thankfully im veryyy tired so ill fall asleep easily.

14/10/23 (9:22 pm)

i randomly have such sudden outbursts of love for this baby. i want to cup her face and kiss her whole face , i want to hug her to my chest and kiss her head and baby the fuck out of her. She's gonna cringe reading this (please dont). I want to like put our foreheads together and close my eyes and feel it yk??? i sound soooooo weird. Please dont be creeped out

15/10/23 (10;02pm)

I like her so much like so so so so so so much. Its very scary and i know for a fact that i will be hurt later but ugh its sooooo worth it. I'm sooooo happy with her. The feelings keep growing and i dont think im gonna let it stop. its okay ill let it grow. yoloooo sooo ahhhhh. We just had a pubg date sksksksk shes soooooooo ahhhhh. She flirts so confidently , i was panicking behind the pubg call sksknjiuck. anywaysssss ugh I want to kiss her sooooooooooooooooo bad like fuckkkkkkkkkk i wanttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!.

20/10/23 (01:13am)

Hiii so idk bro she says she's more obsessed with me but obviously i disagree. I think i really fell harder lol I mean it's scary af but anyways. Idk she can go for hoursssss without talking to me and be fine and me ? Lolllllll I try to text back whenever I can but she doesn't do that. Maybe I'm asking too much. Okay i should chill out fr. I don't wanna depend on anyone lol. I only want fun stuff here even though i know I'm kinda in deep but anyways it'll be okay. I know she's putting a lot of effort i shouldn't complain. I'm getting more than i deserve anyway. And I AM happy af. I just miss her i guess. I sound sooooo stupid. Ugh I hope she doesn't read this

21/10/23 (17:12)

(23/10/23) 1:40am

She didn't text me back today. But I'm gonna be understanding. I don't want to overthink. Not today . There are so many possibilities and i wanna listen to her . I really want to be understanding. Because i genuinely care . I didn't text her back till 2pm due to some valid reasons tho but anyway I feel calm now. I texted in our gc and she seen zoned but maybe she has her reasons . Let's see . I don't want to think about anything. I really hope she's alright .

It's like i want her to text me about her day and all but then I don't want to expect much i don't want her to do zyada also idk she's already treating me nicely and it makes me happy. Its honestly more than enough and I don't want to be greedy.

23/10/23 (19:12)

okay sooo ummm the reality is hitting me these days. I was okay being the side chick but its really hitting me lol. Its not like she makes me feel that way nahhh she shows that she cares. Its just that idk maybe im only stupid. she flirts with others and sends me screenshots and everytime she does that i lose little feelings. Even though she does that for fun idk. If she keeps doing this, i might actually lose feelings lol idk how to tell her that. I dont wanna bicker or anything i dont have the strenght and anyway she'll be like nooo i do it for fun only because im cool. **heavy sigh** nvm . but should i let her know? communication is good yk. i guess ill try tonight. if she doesnt fall asleep. Okay ill tell her that, rest is her wish lol .

oh yeah btw todays our 1 month anniversary???? ehehehehe

okay she fell asleep, shes really sick so i hope she feels better soon.

but anyway i keep feeling stupid lmaoooooo i need to stop feeling this way and accept it. Thats the only way lol

21:23 (30/10/23)

Wah its been long, soooo umm idk we kinda had a disagreement? i honestly dont know what that was but yeah im 1000% sure that it wasnt my fault. i took my time to write and explain everything but nah i guess shes mad at me? ofcourse she is. we didnt talk the whole day and its kinda driving me crazy but im trying to look normal. I wont text her first , not because i have ego or anything but because im not at fault here. She took things a little too far and i got triggered. But again i did explain her everything like why it triggered me and all because i didnt want any misunderstanding. But yeah shes mad at me for that? i honestly dont know what to do. is this the end of us? i dont want it to end like this. I'm not ready but i also wont text first. She needs to own up to her mistakes. I miss her. I miss her so much . please text me ughh .

its okay i guess. this is like a break for us i think i dont know how this will end up

22:56(7/11/23)

lmao i got on with a lot of thoughts in my head but as usual im black again. sooo i cant stop thinking about her and its scaring the shit out of me. Atp im pushing myself to go out with friends and family just to divert myself from thinking about her lmaooo yeah its that bad. The worst part is even k-pop idols are not helping me this time. Its always her on my mind. But ill try my best to distract myself because i feel very one sided. Its prolly not but kinda is . idk. But i'm also behaving the same way with her ig? i talk about idols and behave like they're the only ones on my mind when its absolutely false. I'm sure its not the same for her tho. she really isnt that whipped for me lol. and thats okay. ill keep trying to calm myself down . BUTTT the more i try the more i think. What do i do?

05:36am (17/11/2023)

we had a talk yesterday and it hit a nerve, It hit a wrong spot and now idk what i feel anymore. It was hurting. My heart felt like it would explode. I felt too much that i dont feel it now. No i'm not over her. It'll take time for sure but something snapped for sure. I'm taking a break today, from her. I need to analyze my feelings and emotions and think. I need to be ready for whatever is about to come. and i will be, Im strong and i can do it.

I never spoke about this or wrote it here but i think i should now. I need to analyze my feelings and write it out. I like her. i like her a lot. It was all happy happy at first, just us flirting. It wasnt that serious. But it did get serious later. A lot of feelings got involved. I know i know that she has a boyfriend and that i am a second option. I know its genuine and she really likes me. But i sometimes i wish the other way around. Everytime she mentions her boyfriend, its like a stab in my heart and reality hits me. I get distant for a bit. idk if she notices. its not her fault tho, I cant talk to people about this because i know what they're gonna say. "its all your fault, you knew she was taken but you still chased her. its all on you. you"re stupid for even hoping or wanting something from a straight taken woman" oh dont even get me started on how much it hurts when she tells me shes straight. Its gives me mixed signals. she says she wants to kiss me, hold me and do things with me and then she says shes straight. see i know sexuality is not an easy thing, it takes a lot of time and courage and thinking to come to a conclusion and tbh its okay even if she doesnt, but i cant stop my feelings and my overthinking. what if she doesnt really like me and its really just a phase shes going through. because im confident about the way i feel. i like women, i like her, romantically , emotionally and sexually.

i want her. i want her so bad even if its for a month, i want to experience how it feels like to be in a real relationship with her but i know its impossible. Like that equation doesnt even exist.

yesterday night, when she told me she loved me. i couldnt say it back. I didnt have enough energy to feel things because my heart was already hurting. Thats why im taking a break from her today, Her calling me baby , princess and whatever cute things she does , its making me feel guilty. She shouldnt do those things for me, but i want it . i dont know what im typing honeslty. i just want her so bad but i know i shouldnt. i NEED to tone down now . from my side, ill take the love shes giving me, also reciprocate. but not more than that because even i feel guilty and shes going through things because of me, she says its worth it but is it? i know that one day both of us will move on from this. I'm pretty sure we're gonna think about this and laugh but right now i want her, But i also dont , But i do. lol.

14:04 (21/11/23)

Hi, lol. I feel so much for her. like so so so so much. what we have is so precious and important to me. i dont want to let her go. As a girlfriend, yeah i guess one day we'll have to part, but as a friend? i dont want to lose her. I may sound greedy but along with her girlfriend(idk what we are but lets pretend im her girlfriend) right now, i also want to be her second best friend. Is it too much to ask ? i mean i guess it is. It hasnt been that long but our emotional bond is too strong and idk if ill ever find it anywhere else. Even if i dooo ugh idk i just want her for a long time. Even after we break up and take our time off, i want her to talk to me. This may sound selfish but yeah. I still want her to come nag to me, complain about things and share her problems, emotions etc. Relationship issues, marital issues, friendship issues, work related issues, family issues, financial issue etc like literally anyyything. I want her to feel comfy with me, I will never force her tho. I just hope things turn out this way instead of us completely falling apart. Because if it breaks , im sure itll take more than 2 years for me to open up tp anyone again. After my last ex best friend , i really shut myself off and it was lonely. I do have friends and i know they are always there for me but i cant open up to them. emotionally. But with her i can. So i want her , need her for a long time. We may drift . life is unpredictable and people change so its okay but i hope both of us try our best. I know she said she ignores and ghosts her close friends when she feels something is off and then they drift apart but i want her to really try for us. Idk if it will be worth it for her but i want her to try because i know i will. unless she wants otherwise. lol why am i having such emotions today? this is the first time im feeling this way. with us i mean. okay ill stop now.

26/11/23 22:30

I think I'm in love lol idk I tried so much to not be 'in' love and to just love her but I think I failed at it. I'm even scared to admit it to myself because I'm a coward. I still don't want to admit it to myself. I love her so much . I feel so stupid for loving someone who loves someone else. I was never like this. What is wrong with me? Idk but can it be helped? No. I know I'll move on in the future and everything will fall into place but right now ugh i love her and I feel stupid af. Like really really stupid. I'm never telling this to anyone tho. They'll make fun of me lol. They won't understand. I myself don't understand anything. I'm giving away so much of myself and it's going to take a lot of time for me to get it back like after we break up. Anyways I hope she gets well soon. She must be in a lot of pain. It hurts to even think that she might be in pain ughhhh stupid**inserts my name* get it together.

Come back soon . I feel like a zombie without you

Lol I just looked at my instgram activity and was wondering why I had spent 4 hours on Instagram yesterday when we didn't even talk. Then I realised that we did. It has only been a day but it feels like weeks? Wtf? What is going on with me. I'm scared I'm so so scared.

28/11/23 (23:43)

Happy 2 months to us lol sksksk anyways I didn't miss her yesterday. Probably because I was dealing with my own shit . Doesn't mean I like her any less. I still care . I hope she feels better soon

30/11/23 (00:19)

I googled the recovery rate and the death rate of dengue and I'm more paranoid now. Maybe I'm crying too much because I'm sick . I cry a lot when I fever like it heightens whatever I feel and now I'm worried about everything. Myself , her ahhh.

This is way too scary. New fear unlocked. I don't wanna say it but ugh just the thought of your loved one not being there hurts lol. I think I'll never move on from it. Never. So dear universe or whoever is listening to me , you've been mean to me these days , there are only 2 things that I want the most right now. The most. And I'll do anything for it. 1. Her getting well soon. 2. I need freedom from my life . Which means moving away to another country. I need these so bad. I don't care if I don't die anymore. I know I've always wanted to die and that was the only prayer in my head but now no. I want these 2 . Please please please. I won't be able to take it please ahh I'm crying again. I'm never getting attached to anyone again.

It's December already, please please please I promise that if these two things happen, I WILL NEVER NEVER EVER think about killing myself again. I promise this. I really really really promise you. But , if not , then that's it. You know I've always wanted to die , ever since 2011, so I'm giving up on this if I get the things I want. Atleast the 1st one. I won't be able to live at all.

Why am I crying so much. It's too much to handle. I feel like the nerves in my head will tear open with the strain. Its been long since I cried so much . I know I'm over thinking but why can't I fucking stop. STOP. Okay I'll just sleep .

1/12/23 (00:05)

I didnt miss her at all these last 3 days but i think i miss her a little today. I suddenly think about her and feel like crying. This is not because i miss her but idk. I feel like every bad thing happened to me at once and my mental health is at stake. 1. her being extremely sick with that deadly virus? whatever it is. 2. My uni thing. 3 me falling sick as well. i cant control my emotions when im sick. especiallllyyyy fever. i feel so weak and that stupid fever aftertaste on my tongue is making me wanna puke. i think im sleeping a lot these days. like 16 hours a day or something, maybe physcial and mental exhaustion is catching up to me. fuck this life . anygays idk i hope something good happens please. i wanna cry again lol. crying feels nice all of a sudden . its all because im sick lol. i guess ugh idk fuck this

i slept on the couch yesterday night, i think ill do the same tonight lol. i always sleep on the couch when im sick i guess??? ah im sleepy again. prolly med effect. ill eat and sleep now. i hope my baby feels almost better tomorrow. wow im sleepy af all of a sudden . no energy i think ill fall off byee

01/11/23 (20:16)

Lol i haven't written in so long ahhh yeah idk it's going okay I guess. We were having a call on gmeet with another friend of mine and she spoke about her boyfriend today. Idk what happened to me and why it happened but I cried wtf? Like wtf?????? Idk what to do anymore. It's reality I know but it's hurting. I know I'm just a ummm what am I again? No one omg fuck this

03:20 (18/11/23)

i love you

22:36(uk time zone) 11/02/24

Ah i need you so bad but i yeah i should be understanding. I’ll be. But know that i need you so bad like emotionally but im not brave enough to text you .

15/02/24 1:14pm

I love you . It feels sad now . When i think about her, my brain makes me sad lol. Whenever i imagine fake scenarios with her my brain keeps constantly reminding me that im just delulu and nothing will ever happen. I already know that but lemme be happy? i keep thinking about the break up that will happen soon when she gets engaged. I know there’s time, there’s a lot of time but i can’t stop thinking about it. It’s like it’s always there at the back of my mind. I just wanna be delulu , carefree and happy. I don’t wanna think much okay bye

29/02/24(2:30am)

I hope you dont see this but I’m so sorry. There are so many thoughts running in my head rn. I feel like im ruining something perfect. i mean you and him. I know nothing will change , yall are the end game and i dont want that to change. But the guilt is hittinf me these days. Am i that bad? Am i that selfish? What am i supposed to do? Shouldi stop? I dont want to stop but i dont want to be so selfish. Am i really a homewrecker? fuck

(12:06)

(PLEASE DONT READ THIS IM BEGGING YOU)

Ouch. That stung. Very bad. Ahh i can feel my heart breaking into pieces and im having a breakdown. I feel so so so helpless. I really can't do anything about this. I have no way out now do i? Please universe please please help me please.

I'll do anything. Hold me from breaking apart every time. I should be used to this by now?

Right? It's been so long. It should be normal. But as the days go by i can't take it. I'm breaking so bad. This is why i hate love so much. Only pain and hurt. But do you think i can let go? No. The most dumb and stupid award should be given to me. I hate everything

6:46 (19/8/24)

I want a day where it doesn't hurt me anymore.

But i guess that day will be the day im not in love anymore and I've completely lost feelings. I dont want that.

7:06

I love myself too much. I want to be happy. I will be happy. Me me me me and only me.

Every time i close my eyes her Instagram story flashes ahhh i want amnesia. I want to hid my head somewhere and lose all my 24 years memories. It hurts THAT much. Or maybe I'm over reacting too much. Its prolly the latter lol ok.

But i know its something she can't help too so lol both of us are helpless. Im just opening up here and she's not. Now i need to give my brain some rest. I'll be offline the whole day to heal

7:47

Why do you keep hurting me so much. Why do you always sabotage us for everything. Every minor inconvenience you get you let it affect us. Bro even on our one year anniversary? Is it not special to you? I’m so hurt but I’m even scared to tell you that.

1/10/24

[franeridart]

Anon said: Not an ask, but I frickin love your art style! 👌

Ah heck, thank you so much!!!! <3

Anon said: I refuse to use Emojis but You. Do. Not. Need. To. Apologize. For. Taking. Breaks! We are not entitled to you and you are not required to provide art for us! These are stressful times, and even outside of these times, taking breaks from social medias is completely acceptable.

Thank you for the kind feeling!!! But it’s fine, I’m not beating myself up over it or anything, just apologizing for my habit of going on breaks without letting anyone know beforehand haha

Anon said: your outfit ideas are amazing ! do you have a source of insperation?

Thank you!!! I do a lot of people watching, and that’s about it tbh! I do look at fashion photos and magazines and, like, clothes displays in stores? when I happen across them, but most of my inspo when it comes to outfits starts from me watching people and liking how they’re dressed - in that sense I like watching vlogs and stuff like that too, people these days are so stylish...

Anon said: I really love your lineart and coloring style!! Would you mind sharing your brush settings? Or some art tips? If you don't want too this okay too, keep up the good work !!

Since my brush settings are a reward for my $6+ patreons, I don’t really feel like it’d be fair to share them! But you can probably find some old version of them in my art tips tag :D as for art tips... for lineart the only thing I can really say is to not overthink it and just go with the flow, whatever feels comfortable for you will make for the most visually pleasing lineart too, in my experience! Coloring is something I’m constantly experimenting with as well, but there too my usual mindset is “the easier and faster the better” - generally, I just use flats and then add shadows on them with any color that goes from light blue to pink-ish purple on a layer set on multiply, anything that makes it look fancier than that is just me adding small details like sparkles or shines or anything of the like!

Anon said: GUESS. WHOS. GETTING. OLD!!! me. It’s me.

Everyone is! Constantly! It’s how the passing of times works, terribly enough

Anon said: hi!!! as someone who really admires you as an artist, has very little experience in art and would /really/ like to get better at it, i'd like to ask you: how did you get so good at it? (apart from constant practice, of course, i realize how important that is!) this is coming from someone who really has no idea where to start! what was your starting point, and are there any tips you can give a complete beginner like me?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm the thing is that drawing a lot really is all there is to it, but if I had to give one single serious tip for this it would be to find something you really really really really enjoy drawing and to just draw it - draw it badly if that’s the only way you know how to draw it, but make sure to always draw it while having fun, and slowly you’ll get better without even realizing you are. If you like a ship, draw that ship! If you like plants, draw plants! If you like animals, draw animals! It’s okay if you don’t know how to draw it, or if you feel like your skills aren’t good enough for what you mean to draw, because honestly I felt like that when I started too, and I still feel like that every time I pick up my pen, and I’m sure I’ll forever feel like that for as long as I’ll draw - my ideas will always be bigger than my skills, and maybe so will yours! So what’s it matter if you start drawing stuff beyond your skill level now or later? At least you’ll be having fun with it, and the only way to learn how to do something new is to go and do it, anyway

Anon said: hi! do you do commissions?

I don’t, sorry! Thank you for being interested, though!

Anon said: Hi there! So I'm rereading Quote Love Unquote (a classic for sure) and had the urge to go find the art you had made for it. And oops, like, two hours have gone by of me just scrolling through all of your older comics and art. I love it all SO MUCH. Your artstyle is just so damn enjoyable and all of your comics never fail to make me smile. I'm always looking forward to whatever you choose to make in the future regardless of fandom. Thank you for being awesome!!

God that’s such a nice thing to hear, thank you so much!!!!!! ( TT-TT)<3

Anon said: I made an ask before (u answered it dw) but u thought I was saying u missed my first one. U didnt! I was saying it made me so happy that u responded you’re an angel! Ily v much!!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh that’s good then!! that’s very very good!!!!!! ily too!!!! <3<3

Anon said: How can one's art be soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good?

Thank youuuuuuuu ;;;;;;;;;; I do!!! my best!! ( ;u;)9

Anon said: You like tododeku?

Yup!

Anon said: Zero grafity kisses are the opposite of the spiderman kiss

How so? :O

Anon said: Hi! This is seriously out of nowhere but I wanted to tell you I reread your Bokuto-Kuroo-Terushima tattoo au strip all the time because it's just so delightful and seriously cute. Polyfidelity is the kind of poly my partner and I practice and I don't see it played out too much, so to see a relationship like that with characters I love and an art style I adore fills me with such warm fuzzies. It's so so lovely. Have a great day!

I’m so damn glad to hear that!!!! In that sense that comic still means a lot to me, so I’m happy to hear it means something to you too!!

Anon said: Friendly reminder that I fucking love you.

I love you too anon!!!!!!!!!

Anon said: Ma lo sai che sei sempre più brava?

aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! (TTATT) grazie mille!!!!!!!!!

Anon said: Hi um did you know that 🤰🏻🤱🏻 this lady had her kid?????? wtf i didnt know

I can’t even see the emojis from desktop lmao but good for her!!! 

Anon said: hot take: jirou, momo, kami, and shinsou in a poly relationship.

You know what anon, you’re incredibly valid and I respect you

Anon said: I just absolutely love your art! Whenever I see it, it makes my day! Your Kiribaku stuff gives me life! Keep making beautiful art, and stay safe during this time!

Gosh, thank you!! You stay safe too, anon!!!!

Anon said: HOW do you draw cloths

You keep in mind that gravity is a thing and let your hand do kind of whatever while hoping no one will notice you have no clue what you’re doing!! (...seriously tho I never studied these things I just do whatever feels like and hope for the best hahaha any experienced artist looking at my stuff is probably wondering what the heck it is that I’m trying to do...)

Anon said: Your style is so amazing and distinctive. Everytime I see it I’m like OH ITS THEMMMM and get super stoked

That’s so cool to hear!!!!!!! I genuinely have no clue what makes my art mine, but I like knowing people can recognize it anyway! It’s such a neat thing!!!

Anon said: Were you the person who did those "stopping an angry...." posts? Am I remembering this wrong? If that was you, where could I find those?

Are you talking about my bakuboys comic? If so then it’s in my bakuboys tag! :D

Anon said: Hey, you’ve seemed kind of tired and sad lately. I’m not going to ask you if you’re okay because you’re probably not, but I wanted to say I really do hope you feel better soon!

!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you so much ;;;; I’m doing my best!

[tylerwritez]

Tuesday, june 22 2021

I've noticed I'm getting "the shiverys" or "the twitchy" a lot today. Like every time I FEEL something I take a moment to violently tic.... every time I think about certain things I tic.... good things, bad things, things from an hour ago and things from years ago. Tic, tic, tic.

Also, I have... some stuff to explain. Its really no big deal, but you know me: I'll freak out about it anyway. Basically I dissed my friend (rightfully so) around the time that we had just met cos they did something that threw me off.

He saw it in my phone... NOW. it's not RELEVANT anymore and I've since redacted that criticism...and now I gotta explain it to him anwyays. Oh well. I'm good at this stuff. I can get myself outta any situation. I dont even know why I'm talking like this tho... it's not a "Situation" it's just smthn I gotta explain rq.

Oh, today's song recommendation is Spirit Crusher by Death. I'm a huge Death fan...

Also! I gotta study... for my replacement exam. How stressful. Its about photosynthesis, but like, it's not simple. We went DEEP inside those fucking leaves.

One sec, lemme hook up my IV tube

Not an ACTUAL IV tube... just my headphones. But since I'm so #emo, it might as well be a fucking IV tube with the way that I cant live without it.

Its 3:08 and I'm walking home now. I was upset last night but me and Star have made up now lol... it was thAt easy. I'm so defective, making shit hard when it doesnt need to be.

It's so hot out damn. Idk. I had school today, so I had Bio class... I ACTUALLY PAID ATTENTION for once. I had lunch with Star and her friend group, and I honestly kinda feel like they're MY friends now too, even just a little bit.

Actually, I used to rant about feeling lonely like all the time but now I have so many friends it's crazy they all keep inviting me places and it's like people WANT ME AROUND... idk. It makes me happy.

Today I gotta ask if tommroow after school I can go to Bee's house to watch Supernatural (famous homoerotic ghost show)

I should also add songs to Erin's spotify playlist for our picnic saturday which I still need permission to go to.

I gotta ask for Wednesday after school to watch Insidious with Jay  which is apparently really good

Also hes the friend that I gotta explain stuff to... the DrAmA... the ThEaTrE....

Update my dad said yes to hanging out with Bee but first I'm gonna miss school to fix my broken brackets on my braces

Also turns out the house I THOUGHT we were moving into has substantial damage from shifting so... we aRENT moving there.

In case you didn't know, shifting is when like the house that's been built literally SHIFTS like it moves around.

Anwyays Jay just texted me... I'm gonna change into shorts since it's hot, set up my study area,.... and respond to him.

The time is 3:22 p.m.

Wish me. Luck.

Luck is plentiful! As it so often is in my risky, risky life.

I play my cards right. It's a learnt skill.

But also there wasnt much to explain since it passed already and was tiny anywyas.

XD so I've made up with the whole goddamn world by now.

Its 6:31, we saw 1 house. Only one. Its kinda hot out but I'm gonna bike now since we just had supper. I finally finished my homework... I just have to finish one mixed media piece as my final project for art!

Friday is my replacement. On photosynthesis and cell resp. We know this. But what I didn't mention, or I dont THINK I did, is that if I finish my art project before then I have the second block FREE!!! Me, Star, and her friend

A are planning to leave for second block and maybe get mint chocolate chip ice cream!

Also I might eat her out XD

Anyways idk. I hope I can bike tonight to call Jay.

I keep accidentally using people's real names here then having to correct it... I dont know how much i care about MY identity being discovered... but to have my friends doxxed would suck.

Man I feel bad abt saying fuck star last night cos we made up....

Wait we r looking at another house? Idk I'm in the car still waiting to go home

Oh wait no now we r goin home

Its 6:39... I hope I still have time.

I went biking, called Jay. Went home. Idk, friendly conversation... we talked more tonight and I also talked to my other friend A. Jay is... I LOVE HIM?? SO MUCH??? I feel so happy. Talking to him thinking about him seeing his STUPID FUCKING FACE JESUS. his eyes alone... I could stare at his face all day probably. I want to kiss him... hOLD HIS HAND... omg... huG HIM!!! Eofjwpxjwie he's so sweet like I can't even... and I'm proabably not good enough for him like. Wtf. Hes easily a 10. And I dont rate things outta 10. How tf do I end up with HIM? Doing stuff, as friends. Like wHAT. I guess I got lucky XD. He says he loves my personality and I'm hot XD ofc I dont see it myself. But like. JESUS CHRIST he could proabably easily pull whOever. XD me?

Whatever though. As long as we r together and stuff. I LOVE HIM A LOT. he said he loved me. Every time he says that it makes me so overly happy.

Maybe I'm just sappy and stuff.... whatever. I think it would be nice to be hugged by him.

Yeah I'm cheesy.

I'm sorta tired now so maybe I'm not writing the best.

I just keep thinkinf about love. Love is a muscle of evil suggestion. But how evil can it really be? I am just a human being and that is all. Everything else is applied. I am just a human being with soemthing in my heart that pulls me all over the place. Love is this strange thing because I'm fucked up and to be able to love without that fucked up part of me, without the damage... is this complicated, hard thing to do and I can NEVER tell if I'm doing it right but I know I'm DOING IT. I know I FEEL LOVE. And soemtimes it's such an intense thing like when you go to surf on a wave at the beach with ur belly but u hit it wrong and it's so big and overwhelming it washes over you and PULLS you down to the bottom and smushes your face into the sand and YOU CANT BREATHE jesus Christ it's like that.

Or maybe I just want to experience love as it should be felt.

Obviously all of my problems surrounding this Damage could be easily fixed if I went to therapy but. there are reasons I can't.

I LOVE a lot. Too much for my own good. Enough to hurt me, get me into trouble, etc etc but also... enough to liberate me. I LOVE. I love Jay. So much. LIKE. MY BRAIN ORBITS AROUND HIM CONSTANTLY THINKING OF HIM AND PRAISING HIM AND MWUAH HE IS SO LOVELY I BOW BEFORE HIM...

I think as much as I love, a lot of the times I tend to focus even more on BEING loved.

If I am told I am loved, and shOwN I am loved... it is one of the most powerful things. Especially since I was literally emotionally neglected in childhood... yeah. I feel like I'm always trying to fill that hole.

Not EVERY feeling I have is for that reaosn but sometimes, if you tell me you love me, show me you love me, hug me,... I'll like start crying,,, that's the childhood emotional neglect kicking in. If you call me #smol and #cute and say I look young and fragile which happens more often than you'd think XD, I know I'm not supposed to like that shit, so I act like I dont....but I do. Which is PROBABLY ALSO THE CEN 🤪  like whatever lol

Anwyays I'm fucked up

You see how quickly things become complicated in my mind?

Convoluted? Is that the word?

Whatever. I OVERCOMPLICATE THINGS COS I OVERTHINK THEM BECAUSE I'm LITERALLY MENTALLY ILL IN SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS. I'm not joking. I obviously have unresolved undiagnosed "issues"

I do Suspect things, though.

I can make a list

Maybe I shouldn't.

Maybe I will.

I shouldnt.

Whatever.

I used to hate when people brought up my self harm. I would actually panic. I still self harm but now? Now I'm fine with anyone  talking about it as long as it's not an adult who can get me into trouble/force me into therapy over it. Because really? I kinda like having it mentioned. It's kinda validating and it's like hey... people can see that I'm sick.

I dont do it so people talk to me about it though. Dont get me wrong. If I did, I'd go vertically on the arms, not for suicide but so it healed and people would ask XD.

My scars are actually VERY hidden... cos I never intended for ANYONE to see. But for those who DO see them,,,, it's nice soemtimes to have people express concern.

I dont wanna be PITIED or anything, but idk I just think to myself "wow, they're CONCERNED... about ME... they arent angry or mean... they didnt yell at me or threaten me... they respect my autonomy and privacy...

And they CARE ABOUT ME..." and it makes me cry.

That's also the CEN.

I dont know. I just like when people express genuine concern. Even if they see and then just ask if I'm okay. That's all it takes cos then I go wow.

Its validating and irs lovely because finally people care... FINALLY PEOPLE CARE. FINALLY I GET SOME EMPATHY OR SYMPATHY AND NO ANGER.

Even just having them brought up tells me its noticeable enough

My brain does this thing where it thinks nothing bad that's ever happened to me was Bad Enough for me to be upset about.

And I dont know... its nice sometimes to be told shit like "omg that looks so bad" or to see that people who do see my cuts are somewhat shocked or revolted... it's nice because I go... "hey, it was bad enough for them..."

Or to have people comment on them with concern. Just ANYTHINT WHERE PEOPLE NOTICE IT AND ARENT ASSHOLES ABOUT IT IS VALIDATING.

Because I'm not used to that...

Because CEN

I'm. The worst perosn on the fucking planet.

I should kill myself.

I suddenly actually feel so self hating I do want to kill myself... oh god.

I ruin everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. What have I done. Like. Why. Oh god.

I'm just remembering when Star said my kindness seemed like an act. And how I've been called out for seeming fake like 2 other times.

DO I SEEM FAKE???? I DONT EVER PUT ON ACTS OF KINDESS.... CONCIOUSLY? but the very idea that I could be perceived that way...

Should I like not try to be nice or some shit?

Jesus christ she hurts my feelings even now when it was a long time ago.

But I cant blame her. I can't blame anyone for how i feel except my parents because they left me with fucking. Heart nerve damage or some shit.

I'm tired and now I'm sad too. Goodnight guys.

[raw-ugh]

February 18, 2020

DAMNNNNNN its been a long ass time since i last wrote on here. A LOT has changed. sooooo i have a new boy (shocker). we’ve known of each other for awhile now but we didn’t become friends until i started my new job back in august. since we work together we started talking more and getting closer. we also go to the same school so that’s how we knew of each other. i thought he was cute for awhile and we would flirt here and there but it was nothing serious and kinda oblivious flirting. we started talking more towards the end of me and the last boy i was basically dating back towards the end of november. we hung out in the beginning of december and he went out to the bar with another coworker of ours and got drunk and he kissed me while we were both drunk. it was very unexpected but i liked it. he ended up sleeping over and it was very innocent. we were talking pretty much daily for a week or two before this happened as friends and after that night. after that night we started hanging out more and whenever we would get drunk we would be real flirty and kiss and be cute. he wasn’t sure if i liked him or if i was just being that way with him because i was drunk. we never really brought any of that stuff up for awhile. then that guy i had a thing with for months graduated and he invited me to his graduation party. i left him on read. i didn’t want to go because i had some resentment towards him like just wondering why he would put in so much effort just for me to be another girl he was fucking, ya know? then comes the day of his grad party and he sends me the info for his party again. i left him on read again. i had been talking to my current boy all day the day of his grad party and he was going since he’s his frat brother. then i was considering going just because i wanted to see my boy. then the guy who’s grad party it was messaged me a little later and asked if i was coming. i told him maybe because i had work early the next morning. i ended up going. i was with my current boy all night and my old boy was getting a little jealous. i had heard he was upset because i was talking to all his friends and not him, but i was mad why would i want to talk to him after he played me like that? but anyway shortly after his party, me and my current boy hung out and he came over and we baked cookies and talked and he told me he liked me and i told him i liked him too. a few days later we went to the city and spent the whole day together and it was really cute. my feelings for him were getting stronger by the day. then he went to mexico to study abroad for 2 weeks and i went on a cruise for a week during the same time as his trip. he still made an effort to talk to me every day even though he was in mexico. when he came back, we hung out and it was so cute. then school started and he started sleeping over a bunch. we had never done anything sexual until he started sleeping over. we still haven’t had sex but he’s fingered me and ate me out and sucks on my titties, which i love. but one thing i find weird is that whenever i go to touch his dick he always seems to move my hand and says “you’re funny” and i’m just like ??? you can do things to me but i can’t do them to you??? it makes no sense. the other night he came over and he kept teasing me and would put his hand in my pants and finger me and lick my pussy and then be like “okay lets go watch the movie” and did that multiple times and i was like ?? you’re acting like we’re gonna have sex but then say “lets go watch the movie” like wtf? i was getting annoyed and made a comment and it was obvious i was annoyed. he kept saying he was sorry and said that he just really doesn’t want to mess anything up because he really likes me. i felt bad. i don’t want to rush him if he’s not ready. i don’t know what his sexual history is like or if he hasn’t really had much sex and he’s scared that he won’t be good or something but awhile ago when we were talking about a tv show and the character only lasted 8 seconds i straight up told him that practice makes perfect. no one is just good at sex the first few times they have it. it takes practice. and it’s always different having sex with a new person. you gotta get used to the person and know what they like. sex is always better when there’s feelings involved and the feelings are mutual. one night we had a conversation and he told me that he compares himself to my old boy since he knows about it. it broke my heart. they’re completely different people and they can’t even be compared. he’s so much better tho. i’m so comfortable with him and i can be my authentic self around him. he never makes me question how he feels about me. although it does kinda bother me that things are still kinda secretive. like obviously there are a lot of people who know about us and i’m not saying that everybody needs to know because they don’t but i guess i just wanna be shown off a little. for the longest time my toxic ex stopped showing me off. the guy i was with for months never showed me off. then the last guy i was with never really showed me off either which is whatever but i guess it would be nice since things feel real with him. back in december a girl we work with started having assumptions about us. she ran her mouth to a bunch of people at our job about us trying to figure things out. we work with his mom and she even asked his mom about us which i think is ridiculous. other people we work with also said that we would be a cute couple. he also spent valentine’s day together and it was cute. and the other day his mom asked him who he worked with and he told her and when he said my name his mom said “oh your girlfriend” then she said “i think i intimidated her the other day” which she did!!!! i had to go over to the side that she works at and give a client’s money to the supervisor but she wasn’t there and his mom was like “well i’m not her and i don’t have the safe soooo” and i was like “ahhhh okay i’m sorry”. her sarcastic tone had me overthinking everything and i was like “she hates me” especially since the first time i met her she was like “nice to meet you i know all about the drunken escapades” and i wanted to die lmao. and then the same day she said those things to him he said she went into his room and said “ya know if i’m gonna be her mother in law she better get used to it” and i was like omg she hates me. then he told me she’s just protective over him he’s her first born blah blah blah. then he said she told him awhile ago that since he’s her baby she’s never gonna like any girl he’s with but like ughhhh that shit is so important to me!!! i really hope that once she knows and gets to know me that will change. he told me he wants to tell her about me. i’m kinda nervous. my mom knows about us a bit because he’s come over to my mom’s house to hang out with me. my dad doesn’t know yet. he probably won’t know for awhile because things gotta be serious before he meets my dad. i know my dad will like him and approve of everything because he is the most wonderful guy and such an upgrade from my ex. my dad hated him. but things seem to be going really good with him and i’m just hoping that they continue to go well. i really like him. okay that’s it. that’s the update in my life. 

[glitter-lisp]

analogical/royality

emo friend: if i ask you a question do you promise not to laugh

romano: no but I promise not to tell you if I laugh

emo friend: bitch

emo friend: whatever I’ll take it

emo friend: okay here goes

emo friend: (not laughing means not typing out lol or lmao either)

romano: rofl

emo friend: I am going to kick your ass

—————

little brother best friend forever: Afternoon, Patton. Are you available to chat for a few minutes?

Patton: always!!! what’s up, bud?

little brother best friend forever: I have the sort of question I don’t normally ask.

Patton: ooooh, what is it?

little brother best friend forever: You know that thing that you always want to talk about and that I never want to talk about?

Patton: OH MY GODO HMY GOD OHMYGOD

Patton: YES PLEASE ASK ME RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONS OH MY GOD I AM SO READY

—————

emo friend: im serious though if you laugh I will delete all the contacts in your phone and let you figure out who tf is who

romano: woah ok serious talk time then. No laughing. Promise

emo friend: really promise?

romano: Cross my heart and hope to die

emo friend: do you think Logan likes me?

romano: bUAHAHAHAHA

—————

little brother best friend forever: Please control yourself. I’m embarrassed enough as it is.

Patton: right!!! Sorry!!! I’m being good :D what’s the question?

Patton: :D

little brother best friend forever: Will you be able to keep it to yourself if I tell you? It’s not something I want bandied about.

Patton: super secret!!!! I’m great with secrets!! Like I never told you that I was the one who spilled orange juice on your Sherlock Holmes book in second grade

little brother best friend forever: What?

Patton: what

—————

emo friend: ROMAN I STG

romano: Roman is too busy wheezing to come to the phone right now please leave a message

romano: oh my god dude you had me so worried there I thought this was something serious

emo loser: you’re such an ass. this is serious I’m serious does he like me

romano: no dummy he hates your guts obviously he’s just been pretending to like you all these years. It’s a long con

romano: virgil

romano: virgil you know I’m kidding right

romano: dude it’s been like five minutes I’m sorry I was kidding

emo loser: ok

—————

little brother best friend forever: I’ve been talking to Virgil lately, and he’s said some things that have made me think.

Patton: wow, made YOU think? That’s a new one!!!

Patton: jk you’re very smart and ilu

lover boy: Yes, well, you know I’m not the best at subtext, but even I have noticed the sorts of things he’s been implying.

lover boy: Without going into too much detail, I’ve been thinking about implementing some changes into mine and Virgil’s relationship.

Patton: OH MY GOD O HMY GOD OHMYGODOGMYGOD

—————

romano: Logan adores you, virge. You’re his favorite person in the world

emo loser: yeah?

romano: yeah, def

romano: what brought this on? Is something going on with you two? I thought you were solid

emo loser: no nothing’s happening it’s just. Idk I mean you know how I get with the

emo loser: thinking

romano: ah, yes, the thinking. and the overthinking?

emo bean: yeah and the overthinking

—————

Patton: OKAY SO HOW ARE YOU GONNA DO IT

Patton: WILL THERE BE FLOWERS

Patton: WILL YOU SING TO HIM!!!!!

lover boy: No, I won’t.

Patton: DO YOUVVHAVE A SPEECH PLANNED OR ARE YOU JUST!!! GONNA!!!! SPEAK!!!!!!!!! FROM!!! YOUR!!!!! H E A R T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

unromantic fool: Why are you yelling?

Patton: CAN I BE TGERE TO RECORD IT OR DO YOU WANT SOMETHING MORE PRIVATE

unromantic fool: I would prefer you not be there.

Patton: IF I CANT COME CAN I AT LEAST SET UP A CAMERA WITH A LIVEFEED SO I CAN WATCH AND RECORDBIT AND THEB WATCH IT AGAIN LATER

unromantic fool: Patton! It’s just a simple question; I’m not sure why you’re getting so excited.

Patton: HOW ARE YOU /NOT/ EXCITED IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS DAY FOR YEARS OH MY GOSHNESS

unromantic fool: Well, that’s... actually a little sweet.

Patton: <3<3<3

—————

romano: so what exactly are you overthinking about today?

romano: I mean Logan obvs but Why

emo bean: I dunno we’ve just been talking a lot recently and he’s been kind of

emo bean: uh

romano: kind of what?

emo bean: .........

emo bean: ........................

romano: .....

emo bean: ............

romano: virgil what has he been kind of

emo bean: ........... flirty?

romano: holy shit

—————

unromantic fool: Well, I’ve put a lot of thought into it already. I suppose some of the excitement has worn off by now.

Patton: that’s okay!!! I will be excited enough for both of us :D

unromantic fool: That’s not how excitement works, but I appreciate the sentiment.

unromantic fool: Besides, it’s not exactly a life changing question.

Patton: it.... kind of is, though?

unromantic fool: No, not really. I’ll be happy if he says yes, but I won’t be devastated if he says no. His answer won’t change the way I feel about him, but I would never push him into something he doesn’t feel comfortable with.

slightly romantic fool: I want him to be happy.

Patton: I just teared up holy heck that’s so sweet!!!!! Ilu both and ilu together <3

—————

romano: okay wait, flirty how? Like different from his usually flirting with you?

emo bean: what do you mean his usual flirting with me? Logan doesn’t ever flirt with me

emo bean: this is a very new development

romano: okay I’m more than a little befuddled right now

romano: you’re saying you’ve been dating for three years and he’s never flirted with you?

emo bean: we’ve been what

emo disaster: roman we’ve been WHAT

————— 

Patton: sooo how are you gonna do it? have you thought it out?

Patton: ha that’s a dumb question of course you’ve thought it out

Patton: but have you decided how to do it yet?

slightly romantic fool: I have some ideas. I first just want to ask you... well, this is embarrassing. But you’ve known Virgil longer than I have. I don’t like to sound uncertain, but do you think he’ll respond positively?

Patton: you mean, do I think he’ll say yes?

slightly romantic fool: In a word.

Patton: yes!!!!!

slightly romantic fool: Yes?

Patton: YES!!!!!!!!

Patton: I CAN’T BELIEVE

Patton: MY BABY BRO

Patton: IS GETTING

slightly romantic fool: Patton, you’re thirty-seven minutes older than me. 

Patton: MARRIED!!!!!!!!!

Mr. Virgil Sanders: I’m sorry, what?

————— 

romano: dating....? 

emo disaster: wtf why would you think that

romano: because you aRE?? you two go on dates? and hold hands??? and talk about getting married literally all the time?

romano: how is that not dating

emo disaster: friend dates platonic handholding joking marriage proposals

romano: virgil are you shitting me

romano: patton and i have literally gone on double dates with you two for YEARS now

emo dumbass: THOSE WERE GROUP HANGOUTS

romano: wtf is wrong with you

—————

Mr. Virgil Sanders: Goodness, Patton, I think it’s a little too early in the relationship for that large a step.

Mr. Virgil Sanders: I know you’re a very excitable person, but do try to be at least somewhat realistic.

Patton: THERE IS NOTHING UNREALISTIC

Patton: ABOUT TRUE LOVE

Patton: IT’S BEEN LONG ENOUGH

Patton: I HAVE BEEN PLANNING THIS WEDDING

Mr. Virgil Sanders: What wedding?

Patton: FOR TWO

Patton: WHOLE

Mr. Virgil Sanders: What wedding, Patton?

Patton: YEARS

Mr. Virgil Sanders: WHAT WEDDING, PATTON?

Patton: YOUR WEDDING TO VIRGIL ALSO THANK YOU FOR JOINING ME IN ALL CAPS

Mr. Virgil Sanders: pat are you fucking high

—————

romano: virgil pls tell me you’re joking pls tell me you’re playing dumb

emo dumbass: roman i’m gonna lose my shit i stg im not joking logan and are not dating and we never have been

romano: HOW

emo dumbass: DO I LOOK LIKE I FUCKING KNOW

emo dumbass: I JUST WANTED TO KNOW IF I SHOULD ASK HIM OUT

emo dumbass: JFC THIS IS THE LAST TIME I EVER ASK YOU FOR ADVICE

romano: YESS OBVIOUSLY YOU SHOULD ASK HIM OUT BECAUSE HE WILL SAY YES BECAUSE YOU ARE A L L!!!! R E A D Y!! D A T I N G!!!

emo dumbass: BITCH,

—————

PRINCE OF YOUR DREAMS: patton darling, have you spoken to your brother recently

pattoncake: yeah, I’m texting with him right now!

PRINCE OF YOUR DREAMS: I am going to tell you something unbelievable but I need you to know that I would never lie to you

pattoncake: of course!!!!! I know that!!! what is it?? are you okay????

PRINCE OF YOUR DREAMS: logan and virgil.... are not dating

pattoncake: umm? I’m literally talking to logan right now and he wants to propose to Virgil

PRINCE OF YOUR DREAMS: W H A T

PRINCE OF YOUR DREAMS: VIRGIL LITERALLY JUST TOLD ME LIKE TWO MINUTES AGO THAT THEY’RE NOT EVEN DATING

pattoncake: why would logan propose if they’re not dating?

PRINCE OF YOUR DREAMS: did logan like, actually say he was going to propose?

pattoncake: yeah!!!!

pattoncake: well, noo

pattoncake: but he meant it

pattoncake: I think

pattoncake: oh shoot I may have misread the situation

pattoncake: you’re sure they’re not dating?

PRINCE OF YOUR DREAMS: you are adorable and I love you

PRINCE OF YOUR DREAMS: yes i’m sure

PRINCE OF YOUR DREAMS: just casually tell logan that he should ask virgil out and i’ll tell virgil the same thing and we’ll see who does it first

PRINCE OF YOUR DREAMS: i bet it’s logan

pattoncake: I’m not betting on our friends!!!!

pattoncake: besides it’s totally gonna be virge, i believe in him!!!!!!!

PRINCE OF YOUR DREAMS: and you don’t believe in your brother? :O

pattoncake: aNYWAYS i’m gonna text him now ok bye ilu ttyl

—————

Patton: sorry, haha, I got overexcited! you should definitely ask Virgil out, he’ll definitely say yes!!!!

Future Mr. Virgil Sanders: You think so?

Patton: I know so!!!!!!! go for it!! I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!!!!!!!

Future Mr. Virgil Sanders: Thank you, Patton.

Patton: <3

—————

stupid fuckin asshole disney prince wannabe: seriously tho virgil just ask him out

fuckin asshole disney prince wannabe: he never shuts up about you

asshole disney prince wannabe: he’ll trip over himself trying to say yes

emo dumbass: ........................................ yeah?

asshole disney prince : yeah

actual disney prince: you got this, virge

—————

Virge: soo i have a question

smort boi: Virgil, can I ask you something?

Virge: lmao same text

Virge: oh shit sorry you’re typing

smort boi: My apologies, I just saw that you’re in the middle of typing something.

smort boi: Oh.

Virge: we’re so stupid oh my god okay you go

smort boi: You can go first.

Virge: LOGAN

smort boi: Really, I don’t mind.

smort boi: oh, we did it again

Virge: okay let’s just

Virge: at the same time?

smort boi: Yes, that might work.

Virge: okay so like... in one minute from the time you receive my next text, we’ll send each other our questions at the exact same time

smort boi: That seems doable.

Virge: GO one minute on the clock

smort boi: Virgil, would you like to go out with me on a romantic date at some point in the near future?

Virge: i really like you and i think we should be boyfriends or whatever if you want

Virge: OH SHIT

smort boi: Well, that was certainly serendipitous.

Virge: youre serious? no joking?

smort boi: No, no joking at all. I would very much like to be boyfriends.

smort boi: Or whatever.

Virge: and id like to go out with you on a romantic date at some point in the near future

smort boi(friend?): Well then.

Virge <3: well then indeed

smort boi(friend): Pizza at Sal’s? Friday at six?

Virge <3: uhhhh where else would i be on friday night at six? that’s been pizza night for years

smort boi(friend): Well, yes, but this time it would be... well, romantic. Because it would be a date. We would be dating.

Virge <3: you raise a good point

Virge <3<3: i guess i’ll see you friday then

smort boifriend: I’m looking forward to it.

Virge <3<3<3<3: me too my dude

—————

emo dumbass: okay he said yes i gotta go pass out later dude

—————

Future Mr. Virgil Sanders: HE SAID YES HE SAID YES OHMY GOD HOLY SHIT PATTON WE’RE GOING ON A DATE HE SAI D BOFRIENDS WE’RE BOYFRIENDS AHOLY FU CK

—————

PRINCE OF YOUR DREAMS: we’re just the best, aren’t we?

pattoncake: yeah, pretty much

pattoncake: ilu

PRINCE OF YOUR DREAMS: ilu2 babe

[sleepysandy]

kimi ni todoke s2 ep 3

damn they cannot be straightforward

u cant go back anymorrlr

yall need to be in a relationship

kazehaya tots thinks she got turned off

sometimes jealousy is a good thing

ryu my man

ryu just sitting there 👩‍🍳 💋

he cannot stand this couple

it still hurts that kazehaya didnt get any chocos

her mind

she just thinks in a diff plane

this man calling them out

i dont think this guy will catch significant feelings

lmao shishou

i think he just wants to stir pots

yes eavesdropping!

ok nvm this guy so sketchy wtf

but i still think thats hes just wants drama

pls listen to the old teacher hes so old

this guy sketchy he keeps putting sawako on the spot

awww its all the old classmates

yes use the board sis

i like when she teaches english

ok geometry queen

didnt this happen last season too

ha what was impossible

is he competitive against kazehaya

like i think hes trying to be him lowkey

pls have a heart to heart rn

try harder bitch!!

omg kazehaya rlly uplifting her self esteem rn

blondie better not interrupt

nauuurrr wrong move sir

shet ang sakit naman

why are yall doing this yourselves

is he gay

ep 4

miscommunication love that

the art syle so pretty

stop overthinking sis

whats his ulterior motive

whats this dude doing

what does he want

whys he saying that???

hes just making them hesitate

who tf does he think he is

he hasnt known sawako for a yr like kazehaya

u are not a friend!!!

they actually ended up buying a dress lmao

ok nvm theres an actual event

ok bad vibes lmao

chizu rlly tearing him apart

in that way theyre polar opposites

they friends???

not the awkwardness

not the coldness

its cs u want more bitch!!

yanochin tear her apart!!!

the external parties are too much

everyone just stop messing with them

queen shit!!!

she said get moving bitches!!

chizu no thoughts head empty

she does not think

chizu blushing

this is the funniest ep so far in the season

i hate this guy

they just staring at kazehaya staring at sawako

ep 5

ooh spicy title

forgot this guy was the rep

omg shes famous

nauuurrr whys he still ignoring

didnt yanochin beat sense into him already

makeover!!!

just realized that aya is always the one to put makeup on for them

theyre such good friends 🥺🥺🥺

SHETTTT NAKAKAKILIG

ugh i love a moment for these two

naurrr i wanted more wedding moments for them

huh??

ok i knew it was abt this

but why so close sis

ryu king of composure tho

ryu tells it how it is

we love a instigator teacher

no ones on kazehayas side 😭

whys he so weird towards kazehaya

does he have an inferiority complex

why does he keep saying that???

um mind your own business sir???

ryu and the others dont even say anything

youre not her friendd!!!

stfu dude

ure the insensitive one!!!

dude wtf

stop crossing the line dude

pin why didnt tell him before u got food 😤😤😤

he couldve arrived earlier

ep 6

blondie gonna catch these hands

this is not the time to confess sir!

fight fight fight!!!

stfu blondie no one likes you

AHHHH

HE SAID IT YESSIRR

THATS WHAT IM TALKING ABT

HE DID NOT LEAVE ROOM FOR BLONDIE

NAURRR WHY WOULD U RUIN IT CLASSMATES

TAKE CONTROL KAZEHAYA

THATS KINDA WEIRD BUT WHATEVER

the three dudes be like 🧍‍♀️

yes confront each other

the pose

ooh he asking big questions now

did he think he got rejected

u gotta wait for her to finish crying sir

wonder how the festival is gonna work

i dont know how ure gonna take this differently tho

he said it vry clearly

the three dudes rn 🙂

why are they sad??

not the rumors

kurumi redemption arc

stop acting innocent blondie

eyebags queen

pin 💀

how did she take that as rejection??

she rllyhas selective hearing

ooh chizu saying things now

i like that shes also a crybaby

i like her eyebags tho

yes sis u did

fix it now

chizu and aya best girls

NOOO WHY CUT THERE

i usually hate miscommunication as a plot point but i think this is one the better uses of it

[fmlfpl]

Lineup Lamentations - GW10

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week!

FRIDAY DEADLINE!!!

And if you missed it for subscribers Friday (Thursday) My Life episode came out yesterday !

—

WALSH

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Otamendi and Saka

IN: Kelly and Hudson-Odoi

After talking myself around in circles on the My Life pod yesterday I decided to return from whence I came going with my initial feels for transfers.

Otamendi is obviously diabolical and is not a man to be trusted as if he ever was. Schtoneyboy off the bench as first CB sub this weekend was telling for me, and even with Rodri ded for a bit it leaves us no more sure of the CB situation there than we had before.

Saka is a good lad and he seems like a really nice human bean but after blanking for fun I am discarding him like a used something or other.

In comes one of my all time favorites Martin Kelly and new little baby child CHO.

Kelly I think might just have the CB job from now on next to Mom as first choice pairing - he's actually been good this year somehow. I also don't really need him/the spot at all for the near term. Seemed like the best least painful way to pry some money out of the couch cushions and make a significant upgrade in the xi all the while.

CHO seems like just a good pick at 6m. Couldn't find the final ball against Ayax midweek but he's got a lot about him and he seems like he could be a good long term pick. I am worried about him starting this weekend after rattling off back to back 90s, but if I did something more passive and waited I would have been priced out. Getting him ahead of Turf Moor also feels a bit poopy, but again, keeping my eye on the long term like I have been doing his season with transfers so far and it's been feeling good to me.

GK:

Pope (CHE)

Pope in a bad fixture even tho they've been great at home so far.

Not expecting much here...and if I'm honest 3 cleans through 9 is about the minimum of what I would have expected out of them to date. I'll take it...but I'm not thrilled about it.

DEF:

Alexander-Arnold & Robertson (TOT)

Trent and Robbo remain like the faithful servants they are.

Tough fixture against the potatoheads on Sunday but the OOP boys can always pop up with points any given weekend.

Love them and one of my greatest successes this season has been to hold both from GW1. With Alisson back I suspect everyone will be trying to get both in very soon with their fixtures turning.

Lundstram (whu)

Pointstram gets in there as my third lad. Fucking legend god Lundcuck just such a good guy. Pretty unreal how he's been going this season so far. And they said we wouldn't have a 1b in the game this season.

MID:

Salah (TOT) and Sterling and De Bruyne (AVL)

Mo Raz and Kevin the three amigos go again. Not much to say about dem boyz. Good picks solid pillars in my squad straight down the spine.

City team sheet always a bit of a mindfuck but meh. Can't drop points in the league so hoping for actual first choice even though I'm sure we'll get Bilv Jezuz Mahrez up top. Life.

As shouted a lot on the My Life pod Mo could be in for a big weekend. He's never been more of a diff than he is right now so a haul would be most welcome. Go on Mo.

Hudson-Odoi and Mount (bur)

Rounding out the midfield is new friend CHO and his possible actual IRL friend Mount. Couple Chelsea guys in mid feels great.

Have had Mount for a bit and adding CHO oozes value to me. Buying players who are priced like they are on a 14th place team but they are covert on the 3rd best team with the 3rd best attack in the league seems good.

Again, not expecting a ton this weekend but looking at the medium term points should flow.

FWD:

Pukki (MUN)

Still holding / clinging to Pukki. Was close to going down to Neil who I do love immensely but it just didn't seem like a great use of the transfer. I still believe in Pukki and I think he's just a quality guy.

Four blanks on the bounce have been a tough pill to swallow no doubt but I still think he'll get points. Stats have been down compared to the opening few games when he was on fire, but his stats aren't horrible by any stretch. Anyway, I'm holding him. Fucking come on you Finn fuck.

Abraham (bur)

Treble on Chelsea attack with Tammy is the last piece of my puzzle.

Up against two really bad shitty CBs this weekend I actually think Tam could do some things. Feel like his movement will be too much for them to deal with it will just come down to if he is able to finish.

CAP:

Sterling (AVL)

I just couldn't keep the sadist in me quiet and I've done the thing of end of week cap twist onto Raz.

I did that gut check - if Raz fired this weekend and I had cap on Kev I would be completely despondent and probably would be crying actual tears. I don't want that. If Kevin fires and I have cap Raz I wouldn't feel the same things. Emotional and pain management in...

If that isn't the right way to pick cap and guide me then I don't know what is. I did genuinely spend a couple of hours contemplating Mo for cap but in the end it just seemed too insane. That's that. Raz you fuckboi score some goals this weekend you owe me.

—

ALON

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Cantwell

IN: Hudson-Odoi

I had to listen back to wtf we talked about on Friday My Life episode because I legitimately couldn’t remember what conclusion we came to regarding my moves... The temptation to take a hit for a triple move of Aubz/Gunn/Cantwell out is soooo fucking real but it is probably better to just hold my horses one more week and go into next week with two frees while fixing a big problem in my fourth mid slot.

Enter CHO who could sneaky just be a really great assist/BAP machine guy.

Floating the other transfer to deal with probably Gunn and Aubz next week.

Just hoping CHO starts this weekend...

GK:

Gunn (LEI)

This just makes me sad.

Leicester don’t even shoot in bulk so there’s not even that save-point potential in this. It’s just gonna be another 0-2 pointer as per usual.

DEF:

Just noticing now that all my defenders are away this week which I fucking hate and is really bad.

Lundstram (whu)

Lundy is such a good boy. This fixture isn’t terrific but it’s cleanable and SHU have been a well drilled and well coached tight ship you gotta just back’em.

Tomori (bur)

Chelsea I do not expect to keep a clean here with Burnley now just good at attacking. Feel like this could be a high-scoring one if Tammy/Wood finish their chances.

Rudiger back soon and hopefully Kante back soon will make this team much tighter.

Söyüncü (sou)

I feel worried about Leicester defense...

They were reeeally tight and putting up fantastic numbers when they were in their conservative shell formation but I’m worried that Brodge is not getting the balance right in the “more open and attacking” formations and styles that they’re playing now in the good fixtures...

It’s a delicate balance to go from extreme to extreme and honestly it might not be possible (and maybe that’s why none of the top managers in the world really do that).

We’ll see.

MID:

Salah (TOT)

He’s gonna shred these.

Sterling and De Bruyne (AVL)

They’re gonna shred these.

Hudson-Odoi (bur)

Mainly just praying he starts and then take it from there... This is the type of match where he’ll need to be the main creator mainly by taking people on constantly maybe drawing PEN15s and everything. Gonna be great come on Frank don’t fuck around get the boy in there.

FWD:

Aubameyang (CRY)

Ugh. Fucking ugh. Back to back seasons I trust Gilligan on his nightmare Arsenal Island and he fucks me.

I’m expecting maybe 2 shots and another blank? Anything better then that is just a cherry on top. Won’t even be happy if he hauls I honestly will not.

Abraham (bur)

Tammy is excellent. Keep it up Tamela.

Pukki (MUN)

This is a disaster? Or this is fine dog in the house on fire? Or this is actually fine and Pukki is just good going through a dry spell? Don’t know. The returns are always darkest before the dongs as they say.

CAP:

Sterling (AVL)

Sticking with my initial read and gut of the situation when I put the armband on him on like Sunday.

Villa love conceding chances from the right, Fred Gilbert can’t defend, I’m just rolling with the player in crazy red-hot form and looking extremely good on eye-test too.

It seems good to do when all of the things that we look for all line up to just not overthink it and go for it. Fuck it. Come on Raz.

—

RANDOM SLACKER OF THE WEEK: DESERTBUG

The words of Random Slacker are not officially endorsed by this website nor any employees of FML FPL LLC.

TRANSFERS:

OUT: N/A

IN: N/A

Perfectly fine week to do this sneak preview thing because it's early in the season and the other Slackers who are in my minileague (three of them) are either likely to miss out on an early Friday deadline or they've been so absent from Slack lately that they won't even notice I did this.

Anyway, I don't care if they know what I'm doing this week because I'm not doing anything.  The team is in decent shape to roll out eleven this week in an old-school 4-4-2 as I had already ripped the Bandaid off of the lesions named Otamendi, Puke-y and Haller who had been in my team.

They've all been shipped off to Gunga Galunga Land over the prior weeks and I'm a happier lad for having done it.  I've still got qualms over Little Toddy Cantwell and a few other niggly little issues, but I'm in a good spot to sit tight and get more info from another week's worth of EPL action.

GK:

Pope (CHE)

The Bishop of Rome, Vicar of Jesus Christ, Successor of the Prince of the Apostles, Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church, Primate of Italy, Archbishop and Metropolitan of the Roman Province, Sovereign of the Vatican City State and Servant of the servants of God (or so Wikipedia says) gets to go this week and every week, because his backup plays for Swansea City.

With that many names, it seems like the whole lot of them should clog up the goalmouth and keep clean against Chelsea, or at least so I can hope.  Saves points at least?

DEF:

Alexander-Arnold (TOT)

Here's hoping that Trento recovers from his Ebola or whatever kind of virus he got yellow-flagged over.  Would be really nice if these clubs could get their players to mix in a little bit of hand-washing in their daily routines.  Could see some nice points from the lad if Spurs' recent ineptitudes continue.

Tomori (bur)

Auto-start given my other options, and could be a dud, because Burnley has managed their way into a goal or more in eight of their first nine matches (only Pool has kept them out so far), but that kind of worm-eating magic has to come to an end sometime.

Soyuncu (sot)

Umlaut-master goes in another match that doesn't exactly feel great, as Soton has only been kept out once this season, but Foxes are good and maybe this will be the GW that he puts his giant cranium on a floater and buries it for me.

Lundstram (whu)

Yup, another road start from my defenders, which feels bad, cuz Hammers could totally put it together at any time and leave me with a one-pointer, or they could continue to disappoint and Points-Lord Lundy of Stram could produce the goods again.

Definitely worth rolling the dice and I don't really have any other good options so there you go.  I'm certainly not going to put Fred Guilbert from Iowa into the lineup for his match at City.

MID:

Salah (TOT), Sterling and DeBruyne (AVL)

This has got to be the week that this trio of big hitters starts hitting big with their big whatevers.  RIght?  RIght?

Yeah, Pep-Roulette can always strike but whatever, I'm not gonna lose even a moment of time worrying about it.  Time to "Laissez les bons temps rouler", as they say down in the Big Easy.  Beignets and coffee would be an awesome accompaniment to the 0430 wake-up I'll have for the City match, but I doubt anybody is going to be fetching them for me.  Pout.

Mount (bur)

Picks himself, given my options, but if anybody's going to mess up my keeper clean, let it be Fat Frank's chosen one.

FWD:

Aubameyang (CRY)

Everybody agonizing over him because they brought him in just in time for his two blanks, but I'm just going to focus on his 39 goals and 9 assists in 58 EPL matches, his 9 goals in 14 Europa matches as a Gooner, (57 returns in 72 matches overall, btw), and his prior 112 returns in 127 matches with Dortmund and remember that he's just an absolute top-drawer striker.

Bring on the AubameDancing!

Ayew (ars)

Brother of Andre gets the nod in my eleventh slot because Arse gonna Arse, and they've conceded in seven of nine matches so far.

I like his chances of doing something better than the probable three point ceiling that I would get from trotting Todd out there against a desperate United side that has a quality defense.

CAP:

DeBruyne (AVL)

Yup, I saw RazzyMan put three past the Atalantans on Tuesday with assists on the other two Citeh goals, and that would be a cap haul of 26x2=52 if he did that in an EPL outing, but my nickel says he doesn't do that in back-to-back outings and I like a Kev who should have hauled last week and who only went 60 minutes in that Champs League match midweek.

C'mon Kev, do this for me!  Lead the lads to a century score!  The FPL drought of GW8-9 has to come to an end at some point, right?

[madigabz]

Alan Gouze :) the name of the man that has had my heart for a quarter of my whole life!!! Wow, and he adores me even tho I am 100% a clumsy, forgetful, emotional HOT mess...I'm reading your letter and responding back as I go. Even though my feelings were a little hurt that you said I'd be sexier if I didn't get emotional, I understand. Alan I am a little mentally broke, but I'm different. And thankful for that. Bc even if depression, OCD, ADD, insomnia, all of my health problems, pain, overthinking overcasts me; I still shine. Tyler said something to me at Applebee's when I saw him. He told me that one day someone will come into my life and tell me that my hair, eyes & smile glow. I radiate in the sunshine, and I'll know what they mean by it when that day comes. I am so hard on myself but I've had a handful of people- strangers and close friends tell me this. And I know it's true. I know there is more to me than usual. I still smile, I still shine. And I thank fucking whatever god is out there that my glow stays. My friend Angel that did reiki on me told me I've been carrying something since I was a child and that's the reason for my anger. It's someone else's burden that I have put on myself & the woman who read my tarot cards said something similar too. I really do have a little bit of poison in me but something in my soul, or even beyond my own existence, has given me this gift. As I get older, I become more and more scared that the reality of the world will take away my light. I smoke so much I can't even remember shit anymore. "Lose you." That's the song you told me to listen to and I'm sorry that I forgot but you bet your sweet ass the next day I bought it on iTunes and listened to it :) I'm sorry I float through life to avoid realism and pain. I don't mean to forget everything just the bad stuff but I can't pick and choose what my poor memory holds... Emperors new groove. Idr if I've mentioned it before this, but I saw it on the shelf in my room today. (I gotta take some pics of the apartment for you). I remember coming over right after all of the Jackie shit & finding out about your mom. Trying to overdose. You cried on my chest & you were so emotionally exhausted. I believe your mom was still in the hospital and we put a movie on in her bed. Emperors new groove :) it was snowing outside and it was the first time my mom blatantly was bitching about me staying the night w you bc her crazy ass drove by and saw my car at auburn hills, when I told her I was staying at Courtney's. I never felt so close to you like you let your guard down and let me feel your pain for once. Selfish of me to say but it was honestly beautiful to finally feel you so deeply. Connected and so raw. I feel like I use that word too much, raw, trying to explain myself to you but nothing fits better than it. I remember that day like it was yesterday. Speaking of the past. Alan at this point in my life idk and idc what was true and what wasn't when we were together before db (that's vals name for now on-dumb bitch.) but one thing I'm holding you to is honesty. I care too much about you and this relationship to see it as a joke where it's okay to lie to each other. Like you said that was the one thing you kept consistent of so please don't lose it. I respect you for your honesty. It isn't a trait people carry anymore. Good or bad, through manipulation, brainwashing, reverse psychology, mind games, everything that come with this fucking sick generation..I do not want to be apart of. I much rather be in the 50's than this day in age. I don't belong here. Mostly I belong in the water ;) can't say that it doesn't kill me a little everytime you talk about threesomes, fucking other women, having a 2nd gf. You need to stop with it. You take away my dignity little by little everytime you say some fucked up shit like that. Gotta admit, you were right tho. Out of FUN and fairness I'm sure one day in the future you can get my happy ass all buzzed up and in bed with another chick. Just don't give her all/special attention bc it'll strain our relationship for forever after that. This does not mean I am actually cool w an open relationship, you having another gf, or having sex with anyone else without me. Starting a new chapter. "Everything will be ok." "No one should ever see you crumbling"...that's the thing, trust me no one besides you sees me crumble. I don't talk about myself to anyone. I feel this void most of the days and I don't want to put a damper on anyone's mood. I never open mssgs or get back to ppl bc they dgaf about me or what I'm going through, think, feel. None of it. And I crave meaning too much, in everything, to be stuck in a one way friendship. I have wasted so much time and energy into ppl who are rotten eggs. They'll never be anything besides selfish i and I can't surround myself in that type of environment anymore. I'm killing myself slowly by not meeting my potential in life rn. I need more meaning. Not to make things more complex but the opposite. To feel full and complete by understanding shit all of the way. And ofc to make it through this terrible generation I was born into. I do see what you see baby...well for the most part. And I don't see the good in everything :p I know I won't always have someone to tell me life gets better. It has always been this way. I have taught myself this. Overthinking just kills me so much! Being a Virgo doesn't doesn't help that I overanalyze either! Fricken OCD-.- my brain sees & thinks things way differently than most ppl. Soul gotta be like 300:) I know you think differently too. I love my nerds ;) so sexy to me. Maybe that's why our souls just click. I am sorry I was quiet the other day. You knew I had something to say and I didn't say it. It wasn't the right time but it isn't a big deal so o don't want you worrying about it baby. Was I really that quiet and meh that you could tell? Or is it just bc you know everything about me?..-.- blessing a curse that you do! But I wouldn't want another man to try and understand me anyway bc I know he couldn't. It's time to stop living life for other ppl you say...idk if it's your 20's or what but I feel like I'm redefining my life again. Rediscovering who the hell I really am down to my core. I love YOU inside and out & to death!!!!!:,( pouty face. This is the most settling and amazing letter I have gotten so far. Thank you for these words I really needed it. I love you all the way through your tough skin and down to your beating heart Alan. Changing my diet is the least of my worries and it's awesome bc I'm going to get sexy af!:) I've been gluten free before. Not having cheese just breaks my lil heart tho lol. Yes my parents have fucked me up. But I workdue with it and try to overcome the shiftiness they make me feel. Ik I'm a pussy. But my dad has definitely fucked w my head and has never made me feel good enough. Maybe that's what I feed off of you and why I want you so bad. My mom is just an emotional crazy lady w multiple personality disorder lol. But at least they didn't hit me. Just verbally f*cked my shit up. "Do everything your heart desires" "even if I get out and we can't stay together 1 yr isn't shit to wait" do you understand how absolutely fucking amazing it is for me to see you say that? You're right everything happens for a reason and it'll all collide during the time it's suppose to. The stories held in the fate of the stars ;) "before we know it we'll be 30 looking back laughing." Nothing has sounded more fulfilling than that small, little sentence. I am studying finally! And I hope the pain fades away w my diet too:( my poor locked up bf has to tell me everything is going to be okay. I can't even say anything to compare to this last letter. You were too smooth with your words, and I can't tell you how refreshing it is for you to be away from me through out a whole year and wanting to stay faithful. We were blessed with each other . Keifer was right, never could stay away from each other. You will always have me too baby. I can't tell you how bad I need to hear this. You have helped me more times than I count. And for sure more than I have helped you. I can't say thank you enough for making me feel so much better . You're the wind beneath my wings <3 & the cheese to my cake. Thank you for loving me for who I am. I reread our letters last night an I am so proud of the man you are becoming. You'll have me sitting passenger cruising in your vehicle in no time toots. A place, school, income, a dog :), happiness, prosper, feeling complete. Taking care of each other, midnight runs grocery shopping. I love you with all that I got, every ounce of my being. And I hope I WILL always have you. You are stronger than so much of the race around this world. I am glad you are all mine. Love you always my sweet, handsome man. I never mentioned anything about the pics I sent. The picture after the 2012 one was when I went fishing w Anthony and t the other day. I'm pretty sure I took some pics of the water for you, I'll have to look. Ofc next one is me omw to see you. I put a wonderful alnatural big tshirt mirror pic on there for you since you're all about natural beauty:p speaking of I'm getting all new make up bc I bet that's why women age faster as they get older! We get words looking you guys get better and we carry your children wtf lol. The black dress is what I wore to Josis party, I sent the one and only picture I took at her party. Does exhaustion look sexy on me baby?:b. The last pic is from the gas station I went to after seeing you. The sky was soo overwhelming in red. There a w a double rainbow and it looked to rad & gleaming from the sky. It was beautiful!! I also wanted to show you my red robe that I have two of(: silky and comforting af, I can't wait to wearing matching robes with you:) lol do yoga, face masks, spoil or ourselves and one another as well. I can't wait to run my hands all over your body and give you a massage. Rob made me Nutella and strawberries tn, made me think about how bad I want to lick Nutella off of your body right now. I got wet from just thinking about it..mmm I'll take some sexy pictures tmmrw night for you. Happy I'm coming to stay for a whole weekend next week. You're my kryptonite and I love everything about you. Give me time so I can give you a kick ass amazing, inspiring letter next!!!! You rule my world. Forever and always sugs, you are my forever and always<3 3 am and time to crash. Hope you're having a kinky dream About it rn;) just ordered that vibrator off of amazon and metal kegel balls bc I guess they feel amazing. I can't wait to be with you. Like we always say, sex and a real bed. It'll be so soon sweetheart and I will have money for us to get a place as soon as you get out. Thank you for telling me to go wherever you astound me but life is just not the same without my other half. You're my soulmate I'd do anything for you. Being in southern michigan doesn't effect me as long as I'm there with you. You're my sunshine..goodnight love.