#this’ll probably be the longest post I’ll make

[silverequation]

Silver the Hedgehog Gay Observations

Because Shadow isn’t the only one

Silver is what is called a bishounen character. he is a pretty boy with long flowing hair, eyeliner and he wears heel having rubber boots like Amy and Rouge

Silver sits gayly. this is supposed to be a rude way of sitting in Japan but it’s also exactly how gay people sit with their legs crossed

Silver stands with the exact same hip out standing pose as Rouge

Silver’s poses are generally very zesty whether he’s floating, jumping around or even knocked down

While Sonic and Shadow have hard rock theme songs Silver’s theme song is a soft dreamy techno tune about pain and love. Silver’s theme song was written about a gay love story according to its singer Bentley Jones. Bentley also supports Silver being gay or bisexual saying it would be awesome

Silver’s og  voice actor Pete Capella also supports Silver being bisexual and protecting bisexuals

In the Archie comics Silver has a female counterpart from another dimension named Gold the Tenrec. Gold is confirmed by her creator to be a bisexual with a strong female preference. Since the female version of him is a bisexual with a same gender preference it stands to reason that Silver is a bisexual with a male preference

Silver is a time based character. Going by the Time Stones and Paradox Prism time in Sonic is represented by rainbows and is therefore gay. Time is gay therefore Silver is gay for being the time character of Sonic

Silver is also one of the most popular Sonic characters among LGBT+ people and I seen many gay and transgender people identify with him, his attitude and his struggles with finding himself and doing what’s right

Silver the Hedgehog is still a gay Italian ice skater to me

[a-dragons-journal]

Alright, folks, we’re within 50 followers to reach 2k, so here goes.

I’m planning on doing a stream to celebrate 2k followers, y’all get to suggest games for me to play on stream.

This is your chance to do so; when we hit 1980 followers (or 1985, depending how fast that happens), I’ll close suggestions and open a poll for voting that’ll remain open until 2k, at which point I’ll schedule a stream at some point. No, I have no estimate for how long it will take us to get there. (If you’re for some reason considering trying to get me there faster with burner accounts, don’t bother; blank accounts with nothing on them are regarded as bots and get blocked on sight.)

This stream will run for a minimum time (TBD) and then will be “until I’m bored and/or out of energy”, so I’m not sure exactly how long it will last, but probably at least a few hours (depending on what game y’all end up picking; some of them get boring and/or drain my energy faster than others).

Current options (please do not re-suggest these unless you have a more specific idea for one of them) include:

- Golden Treasure: The Great Green: a game about living life as a dragon by an indie studio, made by a dragon. I’ve already finished all four runs, so we won’t be acquiring tarot cards or anything, but I wouldn’t mind playing it again, and I’d probably allow chat to decide which ending we aim for. It’s an excellent game, but I don’t know how good it is to watch on stream.

- The Isle: a popular dinosaur survival game. I play on a realism roleplay server, and I would probably start an apex because they’re solitary, but I would probably allow people to vote on which dinosaur (out of a small selection) I play (ahead of time, because some of them will require me to get an injection, which can take a while depending how busy server staff is). The major downside to this is that the Isle can get kind of boring when you’re playing alone, and it’ll probably be one of the shorter streams because of that.

- Minecraft: y’all know the block game. There’s a few options within this one, including server minigames, survival games, and me just trying to beat the game (I’ve never actually done that, so). (If you want to suggest a specific server/minigame for me to play, you can do that now.)

- Star Wars: The Old Republic: I’m guessing no one will vote for this, but it’s my current hyperfixation, so it’s going on here anyway as an option. On the bright side, you guys would get complete or almost-complete control of the dialogue wheel and choices my new character will make, as well as getting to vote on which storyline we play (including voting for skipping to KOTFE); you get to listen to me yell at NPCs and geek out about my hyperfixation for however long this lasts. This also has the potential to be one of the longest-lasting streams, because I can potentially play SWTOR for a very long time before getting tired of it.

- Portal 1 and/or 2: We will finish at least one of these games; if we start with Portal, we almost definitely will not finish Portal 2 because I’ll run out of energy before we do so, so if y’all want to see Portal 2 all the way through you’ll have to vote for starting with that when the poll opens. They’re just very good games and I like them a lot.

- Spore: An oldie but a goodie. I’ll promise we’ll finish creature stage; beyond that I make no promises because that’s where the game gets boring for me.

Now’s your time to make suggestions in replies/reblogs of this post, or send me asks! Please do not send me suggestions in DMs; I can’t tag DMs like I can posted asks, so your suggestion will be discarded for the sake of my organizational sanity. (Like I said, I have no idea how long it’ll take to get from here to 2k; it could be five days or five months.) Most likely not all suggestions will make it into the final poll; I reserve the right to discard suggestions at my discretion (most likely this’ll happen because I don’t own the game suggested and don’t want to pay for it xD).

Thank y’all for joining me on this adventure!

[fenristheorem]

Asks/Headcanons/Stories

Rules, Details and Other Important Information

Updated May 22nd, 2021

Status: Currently NOT accepting requests / asks 

See my Masterlist here!

***The ask box will be closed within a couple days of the updated post date (April 30th). It will be closed for a couple of weeks while I bring my request count down (it’s reached over 30 requests) and due to my schedule limiting how much time I can spend writing. Any new asks I receive will be immediately posted stating the box is closed (although I’m still open to receiving comments and other questions via ask box). 

How long for an answer: About a month depending on how much work will go into it, my askbox is quiet as of late but I have many that I’m working on currently. I have almost 20 drafts and a nearly equal amount of untouched requests in my ask box.

(Rules under the cut)

Hello! If you’ve reached this post you may be interested in asking/requesting something - go ahead and do so! Just make sure you keep in mind the information I list here because if an ask/request is outside my rules I probably won’t write it (there may be some exceptions heavily depending on certain factors). Therefore, please read everything (even if it’s just skimming) so you get a basic idea of what to expect from me.

The only fandom I write for is Eldarya, if you couldn’t tell by my posts lol.

Who do I write for? (Romantically)

Primarily Lance, he’s the only route I follow on my two accounts and I’ve spent a lot of personal time nit-picking and analyzing his character so I’d say I have a thorough understanding of who he is and how to write him.

I'm second most comfortable writing Valkyon, he was my route in Origins. Even though Origins is past now, I'm still happy to write about him

I’m not very interested in the other routes, but I have a general idea of what they’re like, so I’ll write for Leiftan and Nevra, too (although what I write differs. I’ll always write friendly or fluffy relationship stuff, but I draw the line around in-depth, intimate asks. I don’t know them too well so I don’t mind writing semi-vague things about them, but they won’t be very specific). I’m more comfortable writing Leiftan than Nevra overall.

I won’t write for Mathieu as I don’t know him well enough, he seems to be a pretty basic character but I doubt that’s the case so I don’t want to write something I know will likely be nowhere near relevant to who he is.

I may write for Koori, but not as of right now; I’ll update this if I decide to do so later when I know her better.

Other than what’s detailed here, I won’t write romantically for any other characters.

Have a request that’s not romantic? Awesome, I’ll write general headcanons for any of the characters.

General headcanons basically means anything not too intimate (or an ask that covers many different topics, but that's besides the point right now), I’ll write friendly requests, but not romantic ones. Have a request that seems to walk the fine line between friendship and a platonic / fluffy relationship? Go ahead and ask anyways, I may write it and even it I don’t, it helps provide an example of what I will or won’t write.

I'm happy to write any characters as Origins instead of New Era, just be sure to specify in your ask.

What do I write? (I will add warnings for NSFW and certain angst or violence prompts and how heavy it is in the writing)

Nearly anything, really

Romance

NSFW 

Friendships/friendly fun stuff

Angst

Violence

A lot of others

There may be some things I’m not thinking of currently, but again, I’ll write pretty much anything (and I’ll keep updating this list in time)

That being said, I’m comfortable writing some genres with some characters and others not so much. But again, if unsure, ask anyways.

What DON’T I write?

Non-con (no consent)

Yandere

Suicide (I’ll write how it effects others, but I won’t write the specifics on how an actual character does it)

How to specify your ask:

So I’m a very specific person, and I can go on very long rants; just take this headcanon and this second one as an example. However, I know some people prefer small and short, so I’m asking that in your request/ask you specify which type of writing you want so I’m not constantly thinking ‘oh try and keep it short - but maybe one more bullet - oh god how did this get so long? - m a y b e   I   s h o u l d   j u s t   w r i t e   t h i s   a s   a   s c e n a r i o  - did they want headcanons or a scenario/short story?’ Don’t care about how long my response to your ask is? Cool, don’t worry about specifying length, just send your ask (but seriously, be prepared for something close to a novel lol).

In order of shortest to longest:

Mini-headcanons - Usually the fastest to write - Not as ‘mini’ as you may think. It’s not entirely short, I’ll still put in my fair share of thoughts, but I won’t go on major rants about one thing during the ask. It’s a very straightforward / to the point ask. Not interested in possibly reading an essay on why I think this is this and how I feel this effected this person? This is pretty good for you then.

Normal headcanons / headcanons (otherwise known as medium or long headcanons) - Writing time can differ based on how much I rant, but will usually take longer than mini-headcanons - Are you ok if you end up reading a small novella or a post with so many words it rivals a dictionary? Awesome, this is the type for you! Depending on the ask, I can’t promise that I’ll go on major rants that take centuries to write, but it gives me the freedom to specify and clarify things, while also adding in a few of personal comments. This type of ask really allows me to be creative and provide examples or special situations with the characters.

Scenarios / short stories - Will most likely take longer than both types of headcanons - This type of response doesn’t take place in bullets. It’s exactly as it says - a story. I won’t include my personal opinions / theories in this as stories are a narrative, not an analysis for me. This type is a bit restrictive for me as I will press myself to stay as close to canon as possible, improvising my own theories / headcanons only when necessary to bridge aspects within the story (unless otherwise specified in the ask), but other than that I don’t like to intrude my own thoughts / theories in a story. Good for readers who want drama, descriptions, scenarios, or who feel headcanons just won’t fit the ask this time. These are typically a couple hundred words long for me.

Like mentioned above - if you don’t care about how it’s formatted, don’t worry about specifying anything or just add in the ask that you’re flexible to any format. In this case, I’ll choose what format to write in based on what I feel can fit best the ask while being written well. My default is usually headcanons, though.

Other important information:

This’ll be updated more in time

Have any specific details you want about the ask? Be sure to mention it!

I’m fine with writing asks with gender-neutral characters and such. Writing the S/O’s and reader-inserts are female by default for me, but I have nothing against writing different gender alignments

Writing takes time, especially since I try my best to write quality on every ask. It will usually take me no longer than 5 days to a week to write nearly anything, however, if my ask box is busy or there’s a particularly long request that I’m writing, it could take me within 2 to 3 weeks to write some things. I’ll try to keep it first-come-first-serve, but as some asks may be shorter than others, or I’m feeling a bit more productive on certain asks than others, response time may change a bit. I’ll keep a general idea on how long to expect a response post underneath the status listed at the top of this post

I will write for OC's (original characters)! If you're comfortable with it, I would recommend you send these asks not anonymously; I'll probably DM you to get more information. Otherwise, be sure to DM me saying what your ask was so I can connect the details you give me with the specific ask. I don't mind receiving some details via Anon ask, but it would greatly restrict me if I can't clarify some things so I can write better. That being said; if you would like your ask to be anonymous but need to DM me for details, I promise I'll keep your identity a secret. It's none of my business why you wanted to send anonymously, so I won't go revealing anything.

I have a tendency to swear, but only to stress points humorously or sexually. It’s really only to add to the tone of the story. However, if you’d like to request no swearing specifically then I’ll honor that.

With that: go ahead and ask! I always look forward to writing my next request!

Over all, I’ll write nearly anything, and if you’re unsure, just ask anyways and I’ll clarify if I’ll write it or not. And the more specific you are in your ask; the better I can write it (with reason, of course. Too much limitation will hinder).

Have a request? Ask them here!

Submissions are open! Just click on me!

[crqstalite]

“Till death do us part. And forever until the end of eternity.”

For kodelyn and kaidan? 👀

had an idea, lost it, and acted upon this one before i could tell myself no. based on this one line i left in aftermath that i just?? never followed up on. i remember someone commenting on it, so i guess this is for them. enjoy.

1,748 words. post-war. no warnings. i think. unedited.

-

She’s up.

There’s no one there when he rolls over. It startles him for a moment, right in between where he’s awake and starting to fade back into unconsciousness again. She’s not there, and that worries him. Gone again. His reasoning starts to kick in through the fog, and he blinks a few times before pushing himself up to sit. She couldn’t have been gone too long because the mattress has yet to cool again, it was however odd she’d be up at such an hour. Not that it was particularly early, the first streaks of pink are beginning to paint the sky in the distance. But she tended to sleep in when she could, the early waking hours were new from when he’d known her on the Normandy.

The shower isn’t running, nor is the sink. Nothing’s missing from where she usually keeps her valuables, her ‘tool bracelet is still haphazardly around the base of the lamp on her side of the bed, half apart from where she’d been tinkering with it yesterday evening. Then she hadn’t left the apartment, at least. Nothing’s been moved in the kitchen either.

Kaidan finds her nursing a mug of probably coffee by the sliding glass doors in the living room instead, leaning against a corner of the wall with a blank stare out and up. She’d thrown a sweater on over her pants, folded in on herself with her hair loose around her shoulders. She looks smaller than he’s ever seen her willingly be. He can’t quite read her from her profile, but she notices him before he can say anything. Kodelyn’s a little startled when she realizes he’s there, before relaxing again with a smile, “You’re up early.”

“I could say the same to you.”

She considers it, shrugging, “Couldn’t sleep. I didn’t want to bother.”

“Hey, you’ll never be bothering me.” He says softly, coming around to snake his arms around her waist, “Nightmares again?”

It takes her a beat too long to answer, “Not exactly. Not dreams, not nightmares. Fine for the most part.”

“The most part doesn’t answer why you left so early. Got worried.”

“No, I guess it doesn’t.” She’s not exactly dodging the question, but she’s falling back into the habit of doing so. She leans into the touch, resting her head against his shoulder, “Stressed, I guess.”

“Something going with the reconstruction efforts?”

“No. That’s taken care of for the most part. Something. It’s...hard to describe. All of it just feels...wrong.” Kodelyn’s searching for words, sipping at the mug again while she thinks, turning over her shoulder to look at him. Confusion’s running across her expression, “I don’t know.”

“We can talk about it if it’d make you feel better.” This is the first he’s hearing of it. Usually one or the other of them would occasionally be up from dreams, sometimes they’d talk, sometimes they wouldn’t, but she’s never quite described them like this.

He lets her go so she can pad back towards the kitchen, wincing as she just narrowly misses a wall. She lets go of the mug, placing it down on the counter, running a hand through her hair, “The longest I ever spent in a place? A year. Tops. Maybe a few months on top of that. But this? I’ve been here for nearly two years now.”

Kaidan can’t exactly figure what she’s talking about, “If you don’t like it in Vancouver, I can see what we can do.”

“No. It’s not here. I like it here. I think. That’s not what’s bothering me. It’s something about the fact that, I don’t know, there’s routine now. There’s not a new crisis to face every other day. I have a room bigger than what I know what to do with. I don’t wake up and fall asleep to the stars anymore. I’m not living out of a box knowing I could move away at any second. Hell, I have a mug with my name on it now, and I don’t worry about it getting packed up somewhere and never seeing it again.” She’s pacing around the island now, thoughts spilling out left and right before halting just at a corner too quickly and hitting her hip against it. Kodelyn pauses at it, as if she doesn’t even register the pain, before turning her gaze up to him, “I’m not used to this. I’m not used to having constants like this. I don’t have physical homes, I never have.”

He’s not sure how to answer that. Unlike her, he’d had a home. He grew up here, lived here. There were memories he made here that he never could’ve anywhere else. The walls that built the home out there were the same walls he’d seen everyday of his childhood and every time he came home. No matter how many pictures went up, how many dents or nicks in the paint came of the children and family that inhabited it, The orchard would always be home to him.

She never had an orchard, metaphorical or otherwise, is what he’s guessing.

“You miss moving ever other year?” He asks, “Or does it bother you not being on the move anymore?”

“Maybe?” She indirectly answers. Crestfallen isn’t exactly the word he’d use for her expression, but it’s somewhere close to it, “I don’t know. It just doesn’t feel real. None of it does. Like I’ll wake up any moment and I’ll be back on the Normandy, or Arcturus. But not here.”

“Real?” Kaidan asks. He can relate. After everything they fought for, coming back to Earth feels more like a fantasy than their new reality. He’s still struggling with it, but it’s been eating at her more than it has been him since the war ended, “It’s as real as it can get, Kodelyn. I assure you, we’re still here, and this isn’t a dream.”

“Doesn’t feel right for everything after the war to come anywhere close to good. Happy, even.” Kodelyn runs a finger over the rim of her mug, propping her head up on the counter to hold up her head, “A home’s for forever. Lives like this are supposed to be forever. I don’t know if I can comprehend the whole ‘forever’ idea after thinking I was dead twice in a row. Feels like there’s one more thing I didn’t remember, one more thing that’ll take all of this away from me.”

“Kodelyn,” He has to think on that, still blinking awake. Reaching his hand across the counter, she hesitates before taking it in her own, threading their fingers together and holding, “Nothing’s taking this away from you. You’re going to be okay, and this’ll be for as long as you want it to be. Sometimes that unknown can be fun.”

Kodelyn doesn’t quite believe him, but a tired smile appears while she rubs a thumb over his knuckles, “You and I may have different definitions of fun.”

“Yeah?”

“Usually my fun comes with something I can plan for, not whatever comes over the horizon.” She answers. It definitely fell in line with how he’d met her, and held true up until now. Her expression dims, focusing on their hands again, “I’ve never really had a home like this. Not somewhere I can say I ever stayed and thought of as more than just a launching pad towards the next adventure. My sort of home is a person. It’s always been my family.”

“Do you want to go and see them?” He’d never been to the fabled Shepard home, but if it’d make her feel better about civilian life, then they might as well visit.

“No. No that’s alright. Everyone’s busy, and the lake house is gone anyway. Damn Reapers took it.” Kodelyn shakes her head. Even though she says homes never mattered much to her, her eyes tell a different story. It meant more to her than she’s letting on, but he doesn’t press the subject. She squeezes his hand, “My home is you, now. I think that’s why I haven’t gone careening off-course completely yet. You’re home. And I think every other day I’m just scared of losing it all again. Losing...you, again.”

That hits him in a way he didn’t expect. This wasn’t something he’d ever guessed from her. She made it clear that she cared a great deal about him, their love for each other was mutual. But she never verbalized that fear. He’d seen it a few times before, when she’d been too late to come to his side, or more specifically, the few times she came to visit in the hospital. It went both ways, but he was more likely to tell her that, and had done so before. Vulnerability to her inner thoughts wasn’t often something he really heard, and her tone, however quiet, screams that this is something she’s been thinking about for a while. At first he wonders why she hadn’t told him, but he’s also sure she had her reasons. Whatever that reason was.

“Hey.” Kaidan says softly, waiting until she looks up at him again. As if to solidify his point, he squeezes her hand back, “I’m not going anywhere.”

“This?” He gestures to her left hand, the silver band still resting on her ring finger, “Till death do us part, remember?”

“Not sure I like the possibility of death to begin with, Kaidan. Not you.” Her voice is a little strained over that, “Not again.”

Not again.

“I’m not leaving you. Never. I’m not going anywhere.” He responds, “You won’t lose me. I promise”

At that, some of the tension loosens from her shoulders, “I don’t know what I’d do if I did. I don’t want to think about it, but sometimes...sometimes things get away from me.”

“I know.” He nods, “We’re going to be okay. You’re going to be okay.”

“Okay.” She parrots him, some of her earlier smile starting to reach her eyes, “I believe you. Think, maybe I just needed to hear it out loud. Gets pretty hard to ignore when its bouncing around and you can’t shut it off by yourself.”

“I get that.” The sun is starting to rise over the city, and Kodelyn circles the island. She leans her head against his shoulder, wrapping her arms around him to pull him closer. 

She sighs against his chest, “Thank you. For everything.”

“Of course.” He presses a kiss to her forehead, “I love you.”

“Love you more.” She responds back, sleepy, but wholeheartedly.

[augustheart]

i know i just asked you for comics the other day but i thought about how bad comics are for like 20 mins and now i want to Read Them More. so like. do you have recs? (besides doom patrol lol)

yes!!! i do!!! the comics i love are comics i could talk about all day!!! i’ll try to pick ones that you don’t need to have 200 gigabytes of lore to enjoy. this’ll look pretty damn similar to my comfort comic list, sorry about that. 

secret six vol. 4 (2015): don’t let the vol. 4 scare you, this is in the n52 so it’s a total reboot. big recommend. if you like it i also recommend villains united + vol. 2 & 3, especially since 2 & 3 cross over with the doom patrol. just remember the dynamics will be a bit different because of the reboot. this is probably thematically the most like doom patrol? ironic because of how much the teams hate each other with a passion. (hook for vol. 4: six strangers are put in a coffin and told they must kill each other to survive at the whim of the mysterious mockingbird.)

wonder twins (2019): genuinely one of the best comics i have ever read and one of the best comics of the past decade period. seriously. absolutely fantastic. a comic that reminds me why i love comics. this and dial h are in a league of their own. (hook: alien twins learn how to exist on earth while they balance being interns for the justice league and being teenagers.) 

dial h for hero (2019): genuinely one of the best comics i have ever read and one of the best comics of the past decade period. seriously. absolutely fantastic. a comic that reminds me why i love comics. this and wonder twins are in a league of their own. (hook: two kids run away from their small town with the mysterious H-dial, which can transform anyone who answers the call into a superhero.) 

the fury of firestorm: the nuclear men (2011): this one does have some dc continuity behind it, but it’s still a part of the n52 reboot, so you’ll have some help along the way. important to note that the “issue zero” narratively comes at the end of the first arc, not in front of issue one. it’s...not the best, but i like it, i think it’s a good introduction to firestorm, and the love dynamic between jason and ronnie is fantastic. just pretend it ends when it does. the followup in legends of tomorrow sucks even if it makes tonya gay. (hook: someone’s after the means to destroy the world, and the only ones standing in the way are jason rusch and ronnie raymond, two teens who want nothing to do with this--or with each other.)

blue beetle vol. 7 (2006): this is probably the most lore-intensive one of this list. you do have to know a decent bit of dc history to read this one, but luckily it’s told from the perspective of a beginner superhero so you get an introduction that way. starts out pretty slow but that doesn’t mean it starts out bad. it’s also the longest on this list. you don’t need to read all of it, past the climax of the story the rest of it isn’t technically necessary, but it’s good until the end and i think all of it is worth reading. (hook: teenage boy jaime reyes crash lands back on earth with a piece of alien technology attached to his spine, transforming him into the third blue beetle. now it’s up to him to save el paso and maybe even the world.)

far sector (2019): you’ve probably heard of this one just because it’s also under the young animal popup. very good stuff. i love jamal campbell’s art, he’s the reason i’ve looked twice at many a comic, so i’d consider it worth reading on his skill alone. the mystery is good too, and even though it’s very lore heavy it’s comic-exclusive lore. you don’t really need to know anything more than the basics about the wider dc universe. (hook: sojourner “jo” mullein is the newest earth green lantern, tasked with protecting a sector of the universe--one that’s on the brink of a civil war.)

justice league of america’s vibe (2013): okay look. i just...i just want more people to read this comic. it’s a problem i have. the characters are just...they’re just...they’re really good and i care about them incredibly deeply. another n52 comic! you don’t need tons of lore! they explain most of it to you! the tie-in to the main JLA title isn’t really necessary to understand the story! please! (hook: cisco ramon is recruited by ARGUS to be the second-youngest member of the justice league. of america. that one. this should be the opportunity of a lifetime. so why does it feel like a trap?) 

i’ll cut myself off here but i also have some other recommendations that are more character-specific if there’s someone you’ve seen me post about whose piqued your interest!

[stinkystark]

// A Lucky Mission // B.B

Pairing(s): Bucky Barnes x reader

Summary: Tony orders you and Bucky to go on a mission and undercover as a couple

Word count: +3K words

Warnings: cursing of course, shooting people

A/N: This took soooo long to write. This wasn't requested, but I wanted to write for Bucky for so long. He is so mysterious and all. I'm sorry that I haven't posted a fic in months. I hope I delivered with this. I didn't read it over so please tell me if there are any mistakes. Enjoy! <3

There was no doubt in saying that you and Bucky didn't get along great. Everyone on the team was sure of that after witnessing these arguments and fights between you two. Sometimes it was just peaceful bickering, but that would quickly turn into screaming and pushing.

You had no clue how it started. You met the guy when he was all winter soldier-ish and you kept your distance. However, when you thought that the two of you could become great teammates, it turned out that you didn't exactly like each other. He annoyed the crap out of you and probably the same reverse. He got on your nerves, too.

It wasn't often that you and Bucky were on a mission together. You had made it clear that you wanted to stay as far away from him as possible, and your teammates respected that. Well, up until they got sick of all the fights.

Tony had called you down to the meeting room. You were guessing it was for a mission. A few days had passed since you were on a big mission. You walked into the room where Tony sat on the table, Steve sat on a chair next to him and across sat the one and only, Bucky Barnes.

You groaned and closed the door behind you a bit harder then you intended. Bucky's head turned quick to look who came in and then groaned as well.

"You're here. Great." Tony said and gestured for you to sit down on a chair next to Bucky. You hesitated but sat down anyway. He sneakily kicked your foot, hard, underneath the table.

Tony spoke again before you were able to kick him back. "We have been notified of some issues in Russia. Some assassin bullshit's going on. You two need to pack your stuff and leave tonight at 8 for your flight, we've got a hotel room booked and you'll get furthur instructions when you're there. Clear?"

Fuck. On a mission with Bucky. That was about the last thing you were planning to do this week. "Exactly how long will we be in Russia?" You asked, one eyebrow raised.

"2 days." Tony said confidently.

"What? Are you kidding?" You looked from Tony to Steve, hoping to catch a sign that they were kidding with you. "This prick and I, together, for two days, on a mission? Together? Are you out of your mind?"

You heard a scoff to your right and really had to fight the urge to slap him. Steve finally opened his mouth to speak, getting your attention. "We know that this isn't ideal for the both of you, but we need the two of you specifically. Y/N, you are great, fantastic at acting and staying focussed while under pressure and Bucky is perfect for missions like this, being able to catch the guy we need. Besides, maybe you'll grow to like each other a bit more."

You had to laugh. "That'll never happen." You crossed your arms. Bucky spoke up for the first time you entered the room, too. "What do you need her to act for?" He questioned, eyebrows furrowed in thought. He bit his lip.

"Because..." Tony said, but trailed off. "Uhm, you have to go undercover." That wasn't so bad. Undercover missions were your favourite. "Undercover as a couple." Oh.

A shocked look formed on your face. Unbelievable. Bucky's mouth fell open in shock as well. "Are you joking?" You asked. "Oh god, this'll be the longest 2 days of my life."

You stood up abruptly, walking back out. Before you were completely out the door, you turned to Bucky. "Be on time or else I'll kick you out of the plane."

~~

You arrived at the hotel after a long flight and an hour of sitting in a taxi in a close proximity to Bucky. You haven't spoken a single word to each other the whole time. He sometimes glanced your way to give you a disgusted look, but that was it. You were very happy with that. You were planning on waiting as long as you could manage to speak.

Bucky swiped the card through the lock in the door and it opened with a click. He opened the door and walked in, dragging his luggage behind him. You placed your luggage besides the door and took a look around the room.

A nice, pretty cozy looking, seating area. The door to the bathroom. A soft, clean and freshly made bed, ready for you to jump into and sleep like a sloth. Wait, hold on one second. A bed. One bed. One bed for you and the asshole that was looking out of the window to check the view right now? Oh god.

"Hmm." You hummed carefully, not sure what to do or say, if anything at all. Bucky turned to look back at you and noticed you were staring intently at the bed. "Right." He muttered and went back to looking outside.

Your muscles were aching from sitting still in one position for so long. You grabbed a pillow from the bed and a blanket you had conveniently packed with you in case of emergencies, which was the case right now, and walked over to the small couch by the window.

Bucky looked confused. "What are you doing?"

"I'm putting a pillow and a blanket down on the couch, what else do you think I'm doing?" You remarked, rolling your eyes into oblivion.

"Yeah, but why are you doing that?" He asked, sounding irritated.

"Because I'll have to sleep somewhere." You answered while unfolding your soft blanket.

Bucky stood upright from leaning on the windowsill and looked at you sternly. "There's a bed right there, you know. Have you gone blind now?"

You huffed. "Of course there's a bed there, but I'm not sleeping in it." You said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Don't be childish. I'm sure I'll be able to keep my hands to myself, you know?" He snatched the pillow out of your grip and put it back on the bed. You watched him move intently. You couldn't trust him. You were sure you had to sleep with one eye open that night.

"Tony told me more about what we're supposed to do." He spoke in a rough voice. "Tomorrow night we are going to this fancy party hosted by some princess where our guys will be. They are planning to kill everyone there. We're going to talk to the main guy, make him our friend and then we'll get them."

You sighed. "Okay, then. Wait. Why are we here already when the job is tomorrow night? Did that prick really let us stay here longer than we were supposed to?" Tony was such an asshole.

"Yeah, probably." He huffed. "I'm taking that side." He pointed to the side of the bed that was closest to the large window, where the evening sky was casting an orange light into the room.

"Fine. I'm gonna go take a shower." You muttered. You wasted no time to get away from him and take a hot shower.

The hot water felt fantastic on your sore muscles. The sound of water hitting the bathroom floor sounded oddly relaxing. You rinsed the foam off of your body and turned the water off. You couldn't see shit because of the shampoo water in your eyes so you blindly reached for a towel. You touched the cold metal of the towel holder, but no fabric. Fuck.

You managed to wipe the shampoo out of your eyes with a face cloth and looked around, but couldn't see a towel anywhere. What kind of hotel is this?

"Hey, Bucky? Can you pass me a towel?" You yelled. You heard the sound of the television in the room. "Go get it yourself." He shouted back.

"I'm kind of naked, actually." You wanted to bang your head against the door.

"Go ahead."

You groaned. The asshole wasn't going to give you a towel, so you were going to have to get it yourself. You opened the door an inch. "Don't fucking look." You threatened him, but he just laughed.

Quickly, you ran out of the bathroom, dripping water on the carpet, and snatching a towel from a little table by the bed. You hurried to cover yourself with it and got back into the bathroom to dress yourself into some shorts and a tanktop.

Bucky didn't mention anything of seeing you naked when the two of you got under the covers for the night. He was being annoying as hell, taking all the blanket for himself. His cold foot grazed your leg and you had to kick him for it. It was a long night.

The next morning, you woke up later than Bucky. He was actually no where to be found. You didn't question it. He was probably out somewhere to find a Russian chick to bang. You stepped out of bed for a quick piss and get back in, but something caught your eye.

On the couch by the window was a dress. A long, tight, emerald green dress. You touched the soft fabric in awe. It was definitely the most beautiful dress you've ever seen.

You picked it up and held it in front of you by the long mirror when the door to the room opened. Bucky came in with a grocery bag.

"Oh right." He said when he saw you with the dress. "Tony gave you that. For the party."

You had to remember to thank Tony when you got back. This dress was a dream.

"I love it. Oh, you got breakfast?" You carefully placed the dress back on the couch and walked over to Bucky.

"I had no clue what all the Russian shit was but this looks like bread." He scoffed. You were starving. You grabbed the bread looking thing and took a bite before immediately spitting it out.

"Oh god, this is nasty and definitely not bread." You coughed, a look of disgust on your face.

"Didn't know you were a spitter." Bucky joked with a smirk on his face.

"Pig."

~~

It took a while to get ready. You had to look as fancy as possible. You were going to the most luxurious party ever. Even Bucky took some time to look good. He was wearing a black suit, all black. It was tight. You could see practically every muscle through it. His tie was emerald green to match your dress, which you had carefully put on. It wouldn't be Tony, however, if it wasn't a few sizes too small. Every curve you had was visible and your tits nearly fell out.

"Can't breath but whatever." You muttered more to yourself. You put a strand of hair in place and stood up, ready to go. "Let's do this. You got my gun?" You looked over at Bucky who was behind you, clearly staring at you.

"Uh, yeah. I'll keep it with me. I'm not sure you can fit any more in that tight thing." He said, shamelessly looking you up and down.

"Right. Let's go." You said, feeling very naked under his eyes.

It was a short ride in a big, shiny car to the palace. In the car, you and Bucky discussed your mission some more. Act like a couple, hold hands, smile, all that stuff. You weren't happy to do this with him, but you were determined to do your job like you were supposed to.

The party had just started and it was already in full swing. Very important business people from all around the world were there. Everyone was dressed in the most expensive dresses and suits. You felt very poor walking among these people. You had your arms linked with Bucky. A smile plastered on your lips.

You found a spot where you could see pretty much the whole area. "I'm happy to be here, babe." Bucky said, placing a hand on the small of your back. Damn. He played his roll really well. An unwanted blush painted your cheeks. "Me too... Baby." You couldn't help but feel like throwing up. It was a tingling in your stomach that made you want to run to the nearest bathroom.

A waiter walked over to you, a silver plate in his hands with glasses of champagne on it. You both took a glass and smiled at the man. Bucky placed his lips on the glass and spoke in a hushed voice that only you could hear. "I see him. Balding, late 40's, maffia looking guy." You carefully followed his gaze to a man of this description with a group of guys who looked equally as scary. Your heartbeat began to rise. Bucky noticed and rubbed his thumb on your back.

"He's been eying us ever since we got in." He whispered, only an inch from your ear. You could feel his hot breath, giving you goosebumps. "Pretend like I said something funny." You chuckled nervously and slapped his arm jokingly.

You sneaked a glance towards the man and noticed how intensely he was looking at you and Bucky and it scared the shit out of you. Bucky was tense. You could feel it. He moved his hand from your back to your face, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. He smiled at you but you saw the serious look in his eyes.

He licked his lips. His other hand rested on your hip. "Bucky, what are you doing?" You bit down on your lip. "Don't do that." He said in a low voice.

"Do what?" You blinked. He was so close to you that you could practically feel his muscles through his suit. "That." He said and pulled your lip out from your teeth with his thumb.

You saw him looking at the man from the corner of his eye, making you remember where you were and why. You sighed. "Buck, what do we do?" He looked back at you, from your eyes to your lips. Before you knew, he planted his lips right on yours. You were stunned. He kissed you so intensely, you were about to pass out.

He slowly pulled away from you. "Y/N, I'm sorry. I had to do it." He looked back to see the man had left. "Shit, come on. We have to go." He grabbed your wrist and pulled you with him in a hurry. Your mind was still clouded with what just happened but got brought back to reality when Bucky pushed your gun into your hands.

"You get his men, I get him." He said before running off. You cleared your throat and took off your heels before running to the back. Getting away from the crowd, you went through a door to the kitchens. A man with a giant gun was in front of you.

You aimed your gun at him. He did the same. "Now now, sweetheart." He said with a thick Russian accent. "You are clearly not made for this job. You would be a much better use on the streets." He laughed maniacally.

"I'll fucking shoot you." You threatened. He cocked his gun and walked towards you. "Fight me." He said. "Put the gun down and fight me."

You hesitated before lowering your gun, which he did too, and placing it on the floor. "You can't win from me in a fucking dress." He laughed.

One moment he was laughing, and the other he had your fist against his eye. He tumbled back before giving you a look of hatred and kicking you. The fight was on. You smacked him, kicked him, threw him around until he was finally unconscious. You sighed. There was blood gushing out of your nose, but you had to keep going.

When you took down all the other men, which was significantly more easy than the first guy, you went and found Bucky. He was in a fight with the main guy. He seemed to be in trouble. You grabbed your gun and shot at least four times until the man fell, bleeding, to the floor.

"Holy shit." Bucky panted. "Let's get out of here."

~~

You hurried into the hotel room, getting weird looks from strangers. Your dress was ripped everywhere and your nose was still bleeding. It made you feel dizzy. Bucky looked fairly unharmed while he helped you into the room.

"Don't get blood on the bed." He warned. You huffed.

You quickly got into the shower. The water turned pink from the blood. It was nasty. You felt sick, but the shower helped you clear your thoughts. But then the memory came back. The memory of Bucky kissing you. His hands on your hips. It felt so intense.

That evening, the two of you had gone to bed earlier. You were tired. The room was only slightly lit by the moonlight. Both you and Bucky were staring at the ceiling. You felt like you had to speak up, break the silence.

"Bucky." You said softly. "When you were talking to me at the party, before the fight..." you trailed off. He looked at you. "Why couldn't I bite my lip?" You asked shyly.

He hummed. "It was distracting."

"You kissing me was also distracting." You remarked. He let out a small chuckle.

"I know. We nearly let him escape." He said.

You sat up straight and looked back at him. "We? You kissed me. I don't know what you're talking about."

"You didn't kiss me back."

"I was shocked." You started to feel uncomfortable.

"I could tell." You could practically hear him smirk. "I could also tell that you liked it."

You turned around to face him, nearly touching his thigh with your leg. "Cocky bastard, I don't even like to go near you." You crossed your arms.

He sat up as well, sitting close to you. "I gotta say, you look really good naked." He said, referring to when he saw you running, naked, for your towel.

"I said don't look!" You slapped him peacefully, a blush on your cheeks.

"I couldn't help it." He placed his hand on your cheek. "I want you to kiss me back." His voice was rough.

You couldn't speak, only nod. He closed the space between you and you kissed back immediately. Passionate and intense. Your hand was in his hair, pulling slightly at the strands.

Now you certainly had to remember to thank Tony.

[nordlichtgeschichten]

Writer Asks!

Asks from @writtendevastation :3

1. What are you working on now?

Uhhh, right now, mostly a horror fic for a zine; still got 2 rounds of editing to do. Also currently making the 2nd draft of Finding Magic, but the horror fic has a deadline and I already asked for an extension so uh. Gotta hurry.

2. How long have you been working on this WIP now and has anything changed since I last asked about the WIP??

The horror fic, not too long. Joined the zine server on March 16th, and started some time later. FInding Magic I started when I was... 15?? So 9 years ago maybe? Don’t think much has changed there recently, but I haven’t done much work, either *pensive emoji*

3. How many scrapped WIPs do you have and why did you scrap them?

Not many, most just hibernate indefinitely. I completely scrapped and deleted one story where a bunch of kids (self-inserts for me, my crush, and a few friends, plus some boys to be their love interests) ended up in a fantasy world, and one where the MC runs away from home to live in the forest, but her cat follows her and it was supposed to end with her being basically feral and not quite human anymore. Not deleted, but scrapped, I have one about two horses, one whose human dies when they get attacked during a hunt, making the human’s parents chase out the horse, and the other horse being a wild horse running away from some humans who captured him. Semi-scrapped I also have one about a girl who’s curious about demon stuff, and manages to actually summon a demon who ends up luring her to become a demon herself. Scrapped ‘em because... None of them were very good tbh, though I might revisit some or all of them at some point. Definitely got interested in reworking Dark Sides (the semi-scrapped demon one) a while ago at least. Also semi-scrapped a wlw detective couple, I’ll probably still use the characters but probably in very different roles (maybe a romcom how they meet, or maybe I’ll make them journalists instead one being a writer and the other being a detective)

4. How many OCs do you have across all your WIPs? (im not counting people you give names that are mentioned once and never again)

Many, I never counted.

5. If your characters could be stuck in any video game or tv show, what would it be? Why, and would they survive?

(Gonna save that question and do it as a separate post, I think this’ll be fun but I have enough OCs it’d make this super long)

6. What is the longest time youve worked on a single WIP?

Theoretically... 10 years? I think that’s when I started Changes, but there were long breaks in between.

7. When did you first start writing as either a hobby or full time?

Phew uh, I think I was 10-12? Had some long breaks, tried being more serious when I was 16-19 or so, and got really into it again like 2 years ago at 22 I think. Breaks were shorter if we’re also counting forum RPGs, but still there.

8. What is your average wordgoal for a novel?

For a novel, I’d try to go for 50k or more, but I don’t want/need all I do to be novels; for short stories, there isn’t really a minimum, though I kinda try to go over 1k.

9. How many drafts do you plan to do for any of your WIPs?

Short stories always get 4 drafts, 4th gets posted. Not sure yet for FM (since that’s the most complete one), considering I want to publish that and that means also getting a professional editor etc, but I’d guess at least 2-3? Especially since I don’t outline.

10. Who is the hardest character to write and why?

Hm... The MC for NaNo 2020 who still needs a new name, though that’s not really something about her character but because that was written in 1st person present tense, but I’m more used to 3rd person past tense.

[generallybarzy]

About Smile Like Sunshine. Read below the break if you'd like:

I don’t really know where to start and i’m not sure if this will even make sense. but here we go i guess. if you've been here a while (or just binged my smile like sunshine tag), you know Smile Like Sunshine was my second series, and is my longest running/only current fic and probably the fic i'm proudest of. you also know it takes a loooong time for any of the chapters to be posted, especially recently, and i'm so sorry about that. i seriously wish i could write faster because i know a lot of you really like that story. i've been getting busier and busier, sure, but one of the main reasons it's taking so long is that the plot is starting to reach the climax/end, and, as its been my baby for this entire quarantine, it just feels so wrong to finish it. i guess that’s what i’m trying to say?? yes, i’m going to finish it eventually, but i've been hesitant to write it because i'm not sure i'll ever get the motivation to write something like this again. i've been so unmotivated recently. whenever i sit down to write, i get one sentence and that’s all. like, i already know exactly how i want the story to go, but nothing happens when i try to write. i get that writer’s block happens, but it’s so frustrating. of course i love seeing other authors succeed but it’s kinda hard when i see others around me writing crazy amazing stories and getting them posted while i’m still stuck on the same fic i’ve been writing for months. i was so happy when i first thought of the plot outline, and now don't want it to end because i don't know what else i'm going to write after this. i'll have to think of a whole new fic idea and move on and i honestly don't know if i can. if that makes sense at all. i feel like it's definitely gonna be my one-hit-wonder. i'm gonna miss it, i feel like this is the peak of my blog and all my notes come from smile like sunshine. and i want it to be amazing, and (like i'm sure every author wants as well) i want the upcoming chapters to be filled with scenes you'll think of out of the blue and remember fondly and hopefully come back to reread over and over. i want it to stick with you. because of this, if anyone wants to volunteer to officially help me make smile like sunshine something i can be truly, truly proud of, or be my “editor” for it, i'd really appreciate it. when i say help i don't mean like, write it all for me, i just mean like inspire me and let me bounce ideas off you and stuff. i've messaged people before who helped me with my fics from time to time, but this time i'm asking instead of just messaging someone because obviously i'm gonna be telling you spoilers for the story, so that could possibly take the fun out of reading the final result, and i understand that it’s much more fun to read from a reader's pov and be surprised by everything than to read from an author/editor’s pov and already know whats coming. i understand if you don’t want to, because reading from an author’s pov takes a little bit of the magic out, unlike reading it for the first time without all the blood sweat and tears involved. this’ll only be one person, i don’t wanna give away the spoilers to everyone, so if you’re interested, message me to let me know, and i’ll share a link to the fic with you! i'd obviously tag you in the coming chapters and i already know i’m gonna appreciate your help so so so much. 

sorry about the horrible format of this post, i just needed to get this out.

Thanks for reading, have a lovely day :) 💕

[strayneoculturekids]

NCT ot21 Comforting you During a Mental Breakdown

A/N: I couldn’t include gifs because the file was too big and the post wasn’t loading T^T,,, Imagine how bad this’ll be in the future....

Taeyong:

He would be like so worried for you ok

trying his absolute best to understand what you’re going through and give you suggestions or just be a listening ear if that’s what you wanted

would literally get you anything you want

Big fluffy blanket? Already got it. A pint of ice-cream? Heads out to the store super quickly if there isn’t any at home. Cuddles? An absolute given.

“You can talk to me, I’m here, It’s ok”

Would definitely get rid of all distractions and put all of his attention to you because you’re his whole world and he would do anything to make sure you’re healthy and doing ok.

Taeil:

We all know Taeil can be a bit dumb sometimes but he tries his best

He wouldn’t really know what to do at first but he would definitely sit down with you and just be completely silent, letting you tell all your worries to him without interruption because he knows you probably really need to get all of your tears and thoughts out

“I’ll try and help you through this. Just know I love you”

Afterward, if you still weren’t calm he’d probably sing to you especially if you asked him to

He’d be a bit awkward at first but he’s mature and will take care of you 100%

Johnny:

Johnny is such a softie especially when it comes to you

He would try his best to cheer you up but would also be able to recognize if you didn’t really want to be cheered up and just wanted to get out all your tears

If that was the case he’d just like,,, envelope you in cuddles and let you get everything out while nodding and encouraging you

“Just know I’m here whenever you need, alright?”

Is there every step of the way, you need his help at any time at all? He’s completely ready to drop everything and run to your side to give you comfort

Would support and encourage you whenever you need it

Yuta:

Yuta is a manly man alright but if he sees you crying in the corner of your room he will instantly turn into the softest person ever and just like go to your side to comfort you in whatever way he possibly can

Would just listen and nod, offering advice and words of encouragement wherever he saw fit

“You can get through this! I’m here for you”

He would definitely lock hands with you and squeeze tight just to let you know that he’s there with you whatever you’re going through and that you can always come to him whenever you need anything at all or feel like you don’t matter

Would always make sure you were ok afterward and would probably sing if you asked him to

Kun:

Kinda like Taeyong

Like he would do absolutely everything to make sure you’re ok. Would get you anything you need and do everything you want.

Depending on if you want advice, he’d be a tiny bit more talkative than Taeyong though.

Would instantly pull you into his lap and give you little neck kisses from behind while squeezing you to let you know he’s there to support you and help you through this every single step of the way.

“Do you need anything? I’ll get it”

Would totally cook for you if you wanted some home cooking and maybe joke a bit once you’ve calmed down because he wants to see you smile again just to make sure you’re ok

Doyoung:

Doyoung, again, a huge softie when it comes to you

Would get like the saddest look on his face once he saw you sad and would ask what’s wrong and would put in 101% of his effort into understanding what made you upset and what’s happening

Would probably wrap you in a blanket burrito (or both of you in a blanket burrito together) because he’s extra like that

but it’s only because of how much he cares for you and how much he wants you to be safe and feel happy

“let’s get through this together, yeah?”

Would sing softly to you until you fall asleep and then move you to the bed and cuddle with you until morning probably

Ten:

We all know ten, an absolute crack-head like oh my god

But if he saw you having a mental breakdown his entire personality would just change and suddenly he’s the most caring person in the world

would make sure that you’re ok and give you lots!!! of!!! cuddles!!!

“Would you like some cuddles for your struggles?” 

He’d still joke around but it would just be to make you feel better and hopefully see you smile, he just wants the best for you because you mean everything to him

Would sing but probably only if you asked him to, otherwise, he’d just cuddle you and make sure you’re calm and then start talking to you to see what’s wrong and how he can help

Jaehyun:

Cuddles!! Cuddles cuddles cuddles!!! He’s an absolute softie 100% of the time and is absolutely down to cuddle whenever and if you’re feeling sad and cuddling will make you feel better that’s an added bonus!!!

Super supportive and is constantly telling you that it’s ok and you can come to him whenever you need

“I’ll help you feel better. Don’t try to hide this from me, yeah? I’m here whenever you need me”

Would not leave you alone until he made you crack a laugh or even giggle in the slightest bit. Would definitely let you get everything out first though. Even if you said you wanted space he would!! Not!! Leave!!

Unless you were like really persistent on just wanting some time to yourself; but you can bet your ass he coming back in like 5 minutes to check on you because he loves you too much to leave you alone

Winwin:

Wouldn’t?? really?? know?? what?? to?? do??

he’s a super loving boyfriend and would try his godamn best to comfort you.

Would put his arm over your shoulder and bring you closer to him or sit you on his lap and bring your head into his chest.

Wouldn’t really speak, he’d just let you cry and tell him everything that’s been going on while rubbing your back soothingly

“Please don’t try to carry any heavy burdens alone”

He would probably just say whatever comes to mind once you’ve told him everything. Wants to make sure that you know how much he cares for you.

Jungwoo:

I don’t really know how he would act. I mean we all know that he’s very softly-spoken and has a small voice but he will still fight anyone who hurts you.

he’s a protective boyfriend so if he saw you having a mental breakdown he’d instantly run up to you, grab your hands, look you in the eyes with the most sincere and soft expression ever and ask you what’s wrong.

“Are you ok? What happened?”

Once you tell him what happened he’d just give you a big hug and encourage you to tell him everything that’s been on your mind and what he can do to help you.

Lucas:

Another super protective boyfriend. Gets super worried when he sees you and he gets super loud because he’s just like that.

Once you tell him what’s up he’ll try to soften his voice and comfort you quietly. 

Expect him to absolutely envelope you in his long arms and not let go until you’ve promised him you’re ok and you’ve stopped crying.

Like ten, he’d joke around to get a smile out of you and make sure you’re ok. Might roll you up in a blanket like a sushi roll.

“Look! now you’re like me, Xuxi!” (Xuxi sounds like sushi)

Would smile the biggest smile ever when you finally smiled at his jokes because he’s just so relieved to see that you’re ok.

Mark:

I feel like Mark wouldn’t really know what to do either. Like he’s still fairly young but he knows what it’s like to be under a lot of pressure so he’d be good at understanding, he’d just be a bit confused in the comforting part.

Would probably awkwardly sit next to you and put his arm over your shoulders to bring you closer to him.

Wouldn’t really know what to say so he wouldn’t talk for a while, just rub your back comfortingly while you cry and tell him everything.

After you’re done there would be a while of silence before Mark speaks because he’s trying to decide what to say

“I’m here ok? I love you and you can bring your problems to me if you ever need to”

Xiao-Jun:

Like the other two new members (and everyone in NCT let’s be honest), he’s an absolute crack-head. But I feel like he’s the least crack-headed out of the three of them.

Would probably hold your hand tightly or rub your back. I feel like he’s not the type to pull you into his arms or lap but he still cares just as deeply for you as any other NCT member would.

“What’s wrong? You can tell me, we’ll work through this together”

Like Ten, he would sing for you but only if you asked him to, if you didn’t he’d just stay with you until you’ve calmed down and then would ask questions about what he can do and what led up to this.

Hendery:

Potentially one of the most crack-headed like in NCT along with Ten but if he saw you crying his mood would drop instantly and he’d be a lot more soft-spoken so he doesn’t startle you.

Would give you the biggest hug and just stay like that for the longest time until you had stopped crying enough to speak properly.

Patient as hell when he needs to be so he would literally wait for however long it took you to talk whether it was 10 minutes or 2 hours. He’d wait for you to talk first so you could go at your pace and you wouldn’t feel like you were being rushed. 

“It’s ok, you don’t need to rush. Just tell me when you’re ready. I’ll stay like this for however long it takes, you don’t need to worry”

Would want to make you smile so would do something like offer you to dance with him once you’ve let everything out if you’re feeling up to it.

Renjun:

Out of all the Dreamies, probably the one that’s the most careful with you and treats you the softest.

Would lower his voice a lot and speak quietly to you in hopes that it would calm you down. He would probably feel a bit self-conscious about not knowing what to do in this type of situation since he’s still young so he would apologize often.

“Sorry I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ll always be here though”

People make him out to be a bully but really he’s the biggest softie and cares so much about everyone close to him. Would sing if you asked him to but not otherwise.

With skinship he’d probably sit in front of you and grab both your hands and look you in the eyes; not really one to pull your body towards him.

Jeno:

All the Dreamies are inexperienced but Jeno would probably be the most confident when something like this happens.

Definitely the type of person to pull you into a hug or into his lap because he’s a softie. Would hold your hand too probably and wait for you to calm down and then ask if you’re ok and what happened.

“Are you ok? You should’ve come to me sooner”

Would give his full attention to listening to your worries and would rub his hand on your back or his thumb over the back of your hand if he was holding it subconsciously.

Haechan:

This cocky boy would be completely lost if he found you on the floor crying. He would instantly want to know what’s going on and why you’re crying. Not very patient but it’s because he loves you and needs to know what happened as soon as possible so he can try to fix it.

Would be a bit nervous and mentally decided to go ask his hyungs for advice for the next time this happens, but of course, he wouldn’t just leave you there so he’d have to go without the advice of his hyungs this one time.

“What’s wrong? Did someone hurt you?”

He’d start asking questions straight away but wouldn’t expect an answer until you’ve calmed down. He is FULLY ready to fight someone if they hurt you. Would probably sing a bit without you asking to help you calm down.

Would grab your hands, maybe caress your face depending on how touchy he’s feeling. Definitely trying his best.

Jaemin:

Would be seriously so heart-broken if he saw you having a mental breakdown. He’d instantly run up to you and envelope you in the biggest hug, rocking you back and forth to calm you down

Would treat you really softly like Renjun and caress your face a lot, wiping your tears away. He’s patient so he’d wait as long as it takes for you to calm down before he starts speaking.

“You know how much I love you and care for you, right? I’m always here for you”

Would stay with you and listen to everything you had to say until you fell asleep in his arms. Wouldn’t even move after you fell asleep. He’d just continue cuddling you, treating you like the prince/princess you are.

Yanyang:

He may not be in NCT Dream but he’s still just as young as all the other members and would still be a tiny bit confused.

Would probably ask Kun for advice for the next time this happens like Haechan but wouldn’t just leave you there. Would probably hug you but wouldn’t pull you into his lap or anything like that.

He’d wait until you stop crying, probably rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand to comfort you.

“What happened? Do you want me to do anything for you?”

He’d sit and listen and would probably go get some blankets or ice-cream as well. Would take care of you and make sure you’re ok. Would definitely want to make you smile but wouldn’t push it.

Chenle:

A little baby ok. Would be SO confused and would have absolutely NO idea what to do. He wouldn’t know anything except for the fact that seeing you cry was making his heart hurt like hell.

Would go up to you and look you in the eyes, his lips would probably be trembling and he’d grab your hand, just saying the first thing that comes to mind.

“Are you ok? Why are you crying?”

His voice would be 100x quieter than usual but he wouldn’t even be doing it on purpose, it’s quiet because he’s super sad after seeing you sad and really wants to see you happy again. 

Would listen to everything you say intently, nodding his head to show he understands. After you’ve stopped talking he’d give you encouragement and he’d either start to sing on his own or only sing if you asked him to depending on his mood.

Jisung:

by FAR the least confident when it comes to something like this. He’s still really young and innocent. Really, he would just freeze up for a few second when he first saw you.

Once he got over the initial shock, he’d walk up to you slowly and probably grab both your hands while awkwardly looking you in your tear-filled eyes.

Would be super self-conscious about not knowing what to do like Renjun and would keep apologizing.

“Are you ok? I’m sorry, really. What happened?”

Would listen and nod like Chenle when listening to your problems and would squeeze your hand a lot.

[victorluvsalice]

Forgotten Vows Friday: Where We're Going -- Again!

So, now that I've completed the main arc of the Forgotten Vows Verse, where do we go from here? I did a post like this before, but it's two years out of date, so -- let's have an update, shall we?

Still To Be Posted On AO3:

Valice Sentences (Twenty and Delta) -- I did a couple sets of "one sentence prompts" -- where you're given a prompt, and have to write a sentence on it -- for this particular variation of the pairing a while back that only ever made it on the old website. They need some tweaking to fit the current "canon," but I think I could sneak them in as an update to the verse in the near future.

25 Days of Multiverse 2013, Day One -- A Christmas fic I did back in 2013 that also only made it onto the website. Given the theming, I'll probably post this on AO3 in December. (With a proper title, mind.)

Britt Christmas 2014: I'll Be Home For Christmas -- Another Christmas fic that was originally written for my friend Britt (we've since fallen out of touch) and only posted on tumblr and the website. Again, given the theme, this'll probably be a December update. (Though given the time period -- Victor and Alice returning to Houndsditch for a Christmas visit post-move to Sandford -- it could also end up a future chapter of "Imagine Me and You." We'll see!)

Merry Christmas Nebby: Dressed To Wed -- A fic written for Christmas that's not actually ABOUT Christmas! Instead, this one's about Alice and Nell going head-to-head about Nell attempting to buy her a monstrosity of a wedding dress, written for my pal Nebby (who early on did her own post about Alice and Nell clashing over her wedding dress). This one may go up on its own, or be a chapter of a larger story compiling all my ideas about the wedding prep (tentatively titled "A Wedding, A Wedding, We're Going To Have A Wedding"). I haven't decided yet.

Something Blue -- A fic I've written but not yet posted, about Victoria passing over Emily's bouquet to Alice, as she's Victor's next bride. Like the above, this may go up as its own story, or it may be posted as a chapter of "A Wedding, A Wedding, We're Going To Have A Wedding."

The "piano" prompt from Valice Shipping Week -- You probably saw this near the end of October last year -- just a bit of silliness regarding Victor getting his piano set up in the new Sandford house. Planning on slapping it into "Imagine Me and You" as another chapter.

To Be Written:

Future chapters of "Imagine Me And You" -- I'm not quite done with this one! I know for a fact I want to do another "Perfect Name" story where Lizzie ends up suggesting the name for Victor and Alice's second daughter, Matilda (it was one of the candidates for Alice's name if you remember "Golden Afternoon"), and one about Victor confessing about his suicide attempt at 15 to Alice (I have the snippet written; I just never got a chance to post it anywhere). Along with one other idea that I'll detail next Friday. . .

The "engagement ring" and "cake" stories for "A Wedding, A Wedding, We're Going To Have A Wedding" -- These are the other two "chapters" I have in mind for the "wedding prep" set. The cake story, which is just a bit of silliness with June, Victor, and Alice deciding on the strawberry-and-chocolate wedding cake, doesn't have a title yet; the engagement ring story, about Victor getting Alice a ring when he realizes he's never actually gotten a chance to propose to any of his fiancees, is going to be "I Love My Love With An Amethyst." It's also likely to be the longest of the group, which is why I'm not sure yet if they're going to be separate stories or chapters of the larger compilation. I guess we'll find out once I write these two!

First Time -- This one's actually partially written, but is probably going to be subject to some severe rewrites -- as the temporary title suggests, this deals with Victor and Alice consummating their marriage. Over multiple chapters, as both of them are bringing some interesting baggage to the marital bed. Will be the most NSFW of my stories in this verse for sure, but hopefully equally as sweet.

House Hunt -- This can be summed up as the "Victor and Alice find their house in Sandford, and also Sandford is a magical haven populated by Discworld characters" story. This one's still just in planning stages (including the title), but I'm looking forward to it just to do my takes on my fave Discworld characters in this verse!

Knight Takes Queen -- The "Victoria Meets Christopher" story -- hey, if Lizzie and Bonejangles got a story, Victoria and Christopher certainly deserve one! Or, well, another one, given they already have a couple side stories. But I haven’t done how they actually MET yet! I've gotten the title nailed down, but the rest is in the planning stages again.

Lobster Quadrille -- The "Victor and Alice deliberately act weird at a garden party Nell got them forcibly invited to" story. Like the above, got the title nailed down, but the rest is in the planning stages.

Bayard's Origin Story -- Right what it says on the tin -- how Victor and Alice got Bayard! Hey, I covered where Splatter, their cat, came from. . . This could end up a chapter of "Imagine Me and You," or the ending chapter of "Lobster Quadrille" (you went through all this shit? Congrats, you win a dog!).

The Eventual Forgotten Vows/Secundus Crossover -- Still would like to do the thing that brings my two big verses together! I have an idea for plot, but this one’s way off in the future. Mostly because it’s dependent on “Secundus 2″ being up for said plot -- good thing that story is my current main writing project!

*looks up at the list* So yeah, there’s still a LOT of content to go for this verse. Cripes, how’d I even come up with all these stories. . . Don’t love things, people, you just make more work for yourself. :p At least I have a general idea of the plot for all of these. The Valice Sentences will probably be the next thing up -- watch this space!

[bradenthompson]

Book Announcement: Atomic Punk

one of my two books releasing in the next few weeks (don’t totally know when exactly but it’ll be soon) and, given its seniority in my mind, the first I’ll make a post about. (this’ll be long)

>Introduction

I think about my work in a sort of wheel and spoke rollout. As in, one book stands out as the largest and as such “proudest” while a number of shorter stories orbit around it while not being directly tied. Does any of this matter, especially since I have yet to release anything under my new *personal brand* redesign? No! Anyway,

Atomic Punk is the Most Book of anything I’ve done, in a few ways. It’s the longest at 360 pages and around 110k words, it’s probably the most personal, definitely the most disagreeable in terms of subject matter. Taking a very wide swing on this one, which has gotta be a part of why I’m still so proud of it.

It’s also the longest I’ve ever had one book in production, the first words typed out in June 2019. That’s right about three years. My resolution with finishing my previous and first book, Baby Shark (I will talk about Baby Shark eventually, when I decide what I’m gonna do with it) was to immediately start work on another. No, our value as artists is not based on the amount of work we do, but I also identify as the type of writer who does it because they need to. 

Three years is a while to work on one book by my own metric. Makes you think it’s a passionately edited one which rolls like the finest rum and ballets effortlessly through the fields of pacing. Hahahaha noooo, this is indeed the Messy Book wot I talked about in WIP Ramble #2. The roughness is a feature, not a bug. Then again, the hell of navigating the Hulu UI is all features, and that blows all the same so, again, this book feels like a risk even if it’s one I’m willing to take.

I should talk about the story. You ought to know right now it’s a book not about drug addiction, but still one where that is a huge aspect. That and language, and characters that are often rotten to each other to put it lightly. If these are turnoffs I can’t advise reading anyway.  

>Short Version

A young expat photographer finds themselves in the torrent of an emo rap artist's rise to phenomenon.

>Long Version (oh yeah we’re gonna ramble, this is not a back cover blurb)

Irish Photographer Bailey’s immigration to Seattle has not been an easy one. A very sudden move at eighteen, leaving their small and unaccepting town of Killarney and escaping to another hemisphere more than anything. They hold on to the fantasy of the young bohemian, hoping beyond hope their self-taught photography skills will be enough to establish a new life in the states. Three months into their move, they sheepishly grow to accept this is not the case. No green card, no money, no place to sleep but under bus stops, Bailey is falling deeper into self-fulfilling self-pity, reluctant if not totally unable to accept kindness from the few within the independent music scene willing to offer it.

As a result of haunting the same venue long enough, the staff floats Bailey a free entry to a much-anticipated show. The headliner is notorious Soundcloud provocateur BONEWINE, someone perhaps aware of their flash in the pan relevance but someone ready and currently drinking it up regardless. However, BONEWINE’s accompanying artist, one he dragged along for his national tour, soon proves himself a different breed.

On a whim, bonus performer Will Shöski, working under the name Genzi, unleashes his entire unreleased album on the dazzled, unprepared audience. Most importantly, stunning Bailey. And while Bailey only means to sell their photos to Will, they are once again stunned by his offer for them to join the last leg of the BONEWINE/Genzi tour. Still nervous, still self-defeating and self-loathing, Bailey attempts to decline but is taken on board regardless, working down from Seattle to Los Angeles. While it’s not immediately obvious to them, Bailey has stumbled their way into an opportunity the likes of which they never imagined themselves worthy of, telling the story of Genzi’s rise up the music industry and public consciousness through their photography. 

Meanwhile, Bailey struggles through integrating themself into Will’s preestablished friend group, that friend group likewise doing the same for them and, along the way, unintentionally using Bailey’s greenness as an outlet for laying out their building grievances with each other. Adding to this is Genzi and BONEWINE’s music label, one both authoritatively firm with their talent and willing to indulge their artists in all their destructive vices. Thus, Bailey’s fear mutates from never succeeding, to succeeding, but watching it all fall apart.

And THAT summarizes about one-third of the book.   

>Talking About the Cover - Forbidden Texts and Piss Christ

Two things inspired the look of the cover: forbidden texts and Piss Christ. I just said so. 

By forbidden texts, I mean a book that feels like you aren’t supposed to have it. Images and font choices reference counterculture on their own, but what really kicks this all in the pants is the gradient. In my earliest drafts of the cover, I kept bringing up harsh lighting even if no one knew what I meant exactly. You’re smart, you get what I mean. I love neons for a cover, but critically I love their use in contrast to pastels. A pastel cover implies something smooth and easy for me, and I don’t know enough about color theory to know if neons are a direct opposite or if neon is even a genre of color, but the effect is all the same. I wanted something intense on the eyes and as such something the reader might feel a little naughty for having, oh ho ho.

Anyway, Piss Christ is a piece of photography by Andres Serrano, produced in 1987. On a surface level, I wanted the cover to at least reference photography in some peripheral way (if not a totally overt way like with the back side). Piss Christ is probably my favorite piece of photography ever, I want it made in to a blanket so I can go to bed with it every night. I don’t know if this is the popular interpretation of the piece, but I like to think of Piss Christ as the premier work in the genre of Quantum Sacrilege. Basically, we only know something to be offensive with observation and research. Given the name of the piece, we can infer what is going on in the Piss Christ photo; Jesus is in a jar of pee. But knowing the name and medium is the only way of knowing what’s going on. It being pee is not immediately apparent. Unless you know a lot about what pee looks like. Big piss guy, huh?

For Atomic Punk, I try something similar. Two operative words there, both implying something aggressive, perhaps toxic, counter to the norm, inherently destructive. The blurb is also extremely sparse, just a passage from the text. It’s a book whose machinations are only accessible by engaging with it. Bad for marketing, fun for me.

 >Why is it Called That

Atomic Punk is the name of a Van Halen song. No, the song’s lyrics have no relevance to the themes of the book. They virtually got nothing to do with each other. But I was inspired by that one Twitter snafu from a few years ago, the one where Billie Eilish let slip on a talk show she does not know what Van Halen is. It became a point of generational divide for a second, some people aghast that anyone could not know what this one particular band is, other people asking why someone as young and removed from that genre as Billie Eilish would ever know what Van Halen is. It wasn’t the divide that fascinated me so much as the inevitable fate of all artists. You can be a big deal to someone, someone’s favorite artist ever, someone who defines people’s lives, someone who saves people’s lives even. Doesn’t mean those people’s kids will give a shit. Taking the name of this song with zero reference to the band exacerbates this, I think. 

>So...

look forward to Atomic Punk hitting bookstores shelves Never. Instead, look forward to it hitting my website, still in development. I will likely be back to talk more Atomic Punk when the thing’s actually out, but for now, this is me announcing it’s existence to the world and letting out an inconclusive Coming Soon...

[mystery-moose]

BIG OL’ WIP LIST

List all the things you’re currently working on in as much or little detail as you’d like, then tag some friends to see what they’re working on.

I got tagged by @philosoverted, who has been wonderfully supportive of all her friends’ writing even when it’s for fandoms she isn’t even a part of. Because she’s fantastic.

I’m going to be kind of vague with some of these, though, because I like to preserve some semblance of surprise for anyone who happens to be following me for writing!

I’d put them behind a cut but apparently tumblr hates readmores right now? So instead I’ll just apologize for this long post that’s about to break your dash please i’m sorry it’s not my fault tumblr sucks eggs

AMatMMP

This is the direct sequel to Angus McDonald and the Flight of the Flying V. It is very long, not the longest thing I’ve ever written (yet) but certainly the longest thing I’ll have finished when it’s finally done. It’s also very complicated, because I like mysteries and plots and hate myself. I especially hate what I’ve done by setting it so close after the first one because it means I can’t write anything else with these characters until I’ve finished this.

But I swear to you and God and whoever is listening: this summer it’s happening.

Shelter

Think of everything I’ve ever written. Thematically and emotionally. Now, multiply it by a thousand and make it even more self-indulgent. You should have some idea of what Shelter is. It’s not plot-heavy (thank christ) and it doesn’t have any action or adventure. But it is everything I’ve connected with over the past year and a half, made into a single super-specific-to-me thing that stretches into a hazy future that I might never actually finish. But the fun thing is I don’t have to finish it, necessarily; I just want to write enough to get to the One Big Moment, the thing I’ve been thinking about since, oh, a year ago. That’ll act as enough of a catharsis that I can feel good about posting it, if I never end up finishing the rest.

Basically this is the epitome of me being Back On My Bullshit. I adore it. Someday soon, I hope to start posting it. Probably after AMatMMP, though.

Money and Fame (working title)

A few months ago I came up with a little adventure for Taako and Kravitz to go on. I really liked it at the time, but I waffled on writing it because I felt like... well, it involves Sazed, and I thought I might be being too charitable to him? But I haven’t been able to get a couple scenes of it out of my head, so it’s almost certainly getting written at some point. But it’ll likely be a much shorter, more focused thing than my usual plot-heavy junk. No flashbacks in this one, I don’t think!

The Lucretia Longfic (title TBD)

I got a bee in my bonnet last summer (thanks to @epersonae and her posse) and wrote, like, twenty thousand words of a Lucretia thing. I’ve since realized that it is Bad, and needs so, so much more time than I was giving it. It’ll happen at some point, I’m sure -- I like Lucretia too much to never finish it -- but it’s... she’s probably the best character with the strongest arc in the entirety of TAZ, and she deserves the best I’ve got, and my best so rarely feels like enough for her.

Candlenights

This is set after AMatMMP, so it’s getting finished after AMatMMP. It’s a meet-the-fam fic, with almost zero conflict whatsoever, but I’ve since realized it needs a different third act and I haven’t figured out how to end the damn thing. I’ve got a few thousand words for it already, but as soothing as I find writing it, this might not get finished for a while.

Fighting Words

This was gonna be a simple little series of one-shots for each of the THB (and maybe the IPRE) just gettin’ into some scraps. It’s still going to be that thing, but it’s just been set aside for a long time in favor of, uh, every other project I’ve got going. I’ll get back to it when I feel like posting something in short order, I’m sure.

The Great Taako-Burnsides Fight (title TBD)

I wrote a whole outline for a thing where Taako gets into a fight with Magnus about Lucretia, and then Magnus literally throws him out of his house and Taako feels really bad about it for like a week and Magnus fumes for a bit and then there’s a big ol’ forced sit-down with Lucretia and it’s yet another vision of mine for how Taako and Lucretia could ever, like, be okay again. It’s like the third version of this idea that I’ve plotted out (the Lucretia Longfic and Bygones being the other two) because apparently I’m just really into semi-forgiveness, as a concept. The funny thing? I’ve kind of settled on one that’s my personal “canon” for how it happens, and the other two are just AUs. I don’t normally do that! Normally when I establish a personal “canon” that’s all I write. TAZ has been really weird for me, in a lot of ways.

Anyway, it might get written at some point? It’s not super long, in the outline I’ve got. But there’s so many other things above it at this point, I think it’ll only happen soon if I get a real hankerin’ for it.

Cycle 95

This is a semi-follow up to Cycle 71, but it’s a different thing. The gang ends up on a planet where the Light is being held by a farming town terrorized by raiders, and have been bullied by them for generations. They have to help them fight the bandits to get the Light. (Taako is frustrated and suggests just taking it by force, but the townsfolk make it clear they would die fighting.) They end up training the townsfolk over the course of a year, defeat the bandits, and save the town. Their victory is an inspiration to surrounding communities, who create their own bands of protectors clad in red, and long after the IPRE has left, their legacy remains in the peace they create.

So this is straight up some Seven Samurai bullshit, because why not? The twist is that the town elder is something of a prophet, and as the IPRE train the townsfolk, he has a solitary moment with each of the seven in which he gives them advice that foreshadows what they’ll go through on Abeir-Toril. It’s not a lot, certainly nothing that changes how anything goes down, but I enjoy the cutesy foreshadowing and reassurance of who each character has developed into. (The only person who doesn’t get one is Taako. He avoids the elder like the plague. He gets his own moment, to himself.)

I will almost assuredly write this someday. Probably soon. It’s just so much fun to me. And it won’t be that long, either! Comparable to Cycle 71, I’d imagine. As with anything in the Stolen Century, I’d want to keep it short. There’s just too much room to lose yourself in that arc, any single year could be a hundred thousand words, and I just refuse to fall into that hole.

AMatItCJ (working title)

This is the “Angus at Neverwinter University solves a mystery with the help of his college buddies/Persona-style Investigation Team” and it is VERY loosely plotted but will almost certainly be VERY long and TOO complicated and I REFUSE to write it, do you hear me, I REFUSE.

(I’ve got character outlines and a basic plot and a few flashbacks and a final parlor scene and that’s basically it. I’ve actually thought about collaborating with someone on it, but I’m afraid I’d be too much of a control freak about it. This one might never happen.)

TaakoQuest (title TBD)

Kravitz is taken by a demonic entity anathema to the Raven Queen and is trapped inside a plane where no celestial entity or emissary can venture, purely to taunt her. Lup and Barry are helpless. Every other member of the IPRE and the founding Bureau is long dead. The Raven Queen asks Taako to do it. So he does.

This one literally came to me in the car ride home tonight, when I was thinking about Luster and how much I enjoyed the Taako-as-scientist scenes in that fic. I might write down some bits and pieces for it right now. It won’t be long. Maybe won’t even be multi-chapter. It’s just yet another exercise in showing Taako caring for other people through action, and in which he gets to act like a total baller.

I have very few settings, apparently.

This’ll almost certainly get written at some point, but maybe not soon. I’ve still got school stuff to do, but I like the bits I’ve thought of enough that I’ll almost certainly inflict them on you all at some point. But don’t worry, it won’t be nearly as emotionally harrowing as Luster. I can be cruel, but not THAT cruel.

THE ULTIMATE MOST SELF-INDULGENT GARBAGE EVER WRITTEN

I love Pyre.

I love schmoopy, slow-burn romance.

I will probably finish this someday.

I will never post it.

THAT’S IT

I’m almost certainly forgetting one or two, but I’m pretty sure that this is all I’ve got percolating in my head and WIP folder right now.

I’m sorry it’s so long, and I’m extra sorry I’m so bad at writing things regularly.

But I’m not sorry I don’t post things until they’re finished. I learn from my mistakes. I will never leave my readers hanging again!!

oh i guess i have to tag some people huh

uhhhhhhh @orchidcactus @fistfulofgammarays @anonymousalchemist @marywhal aaaaaaaand @emi--rose

TELL ME YOUR SECRETSSSS

[tigerlilynoh]

My Approach to Writing

Every since getting ~350,000 words into Job & Family (my longest Supernatural fanfic), I’ve had a few conversations with people about my techniques and tips for writing.  I recently told another person that I’d share this info with them, but I decided to just post it publicly, on the off chance it’s helpful for anyone else.  

I’m by no means an expert and I’m sure I’m forgetting stuff, but this is my general approach and I credit its methodology with why I haven’t yet had writer’s block.

Non-Linear Writing

I don’t write linearly.  Instead I try to work as much of the story as I can at the same time.  I will try to write content for multiple chapters at once dividing my time 80% to the upcoming chapter and 20% to later content (usually the 2-3 chapters after the upcoming one and/or major events much later in the plot). I do this for three reasons:

It’s easier to avoid writing myself into corners by seeing the logical fallout of a chapter while I’m working on it.

If the upcoming chapter is particularly angsty/violent/etc and I need a mental break, then I can switch away from it yet still be productive.

It helps reduce the workload toward the end of the story. I’d been writing the last four chapters of J&F for over six months by the time those chapters were posted. The fact that they were already significantly written made it less overwhelming to end the story.

On another level of non-linear writing, I will often work on scenes until they are ~90% done, then rearrange their order to form a chapter or multiple chapters. I never write a chapter from front to back.

Also, by jumping around in your writing it turns the writing process into more of a game.  You have points A, C, & E with certain restrictions based on the characters’ natures, themes, etc.  Then all you have to do is solve for points B & D.  I know, easier said than done, but a little structure can make things easier than freeform creativity.

Outlining & Organizing

I outline/organize like a crazy person. Outlines are fucking magic because they make complex stories simple for you to understand and show you all the places where you can tinker. Some of the types of outlines/organizational tools I’ve used are:

Overall plot outline - I definitely recommend this because it’s your roadmap

Fight/smut outlines - if you hate or are scared of writing fights or sex scenes, try outlining the action, then filling it in with the texture.  It makes the process more manageable.

Character arc outlines - against the overall plot outline, mark the major points in a character’s personal struggle/growth. I had one of these for Sam, Dean, Ruby and others in J&F, which helped me make sure a character didn’t languish in their development.

Character prevalence outline - against the overall plot outline, mark which characters are actually in the scenes and to what extent (major, minor, only referenced). I like to assign colors to each character so it’s easy to spot if Bobby is missing for like ten chapters for no good reason.

Scene type outline - against the overall plot outline, mark what types of scenes you’re including. My go to categories are: Fights, Sex, Fluff, Background exposition (backward looking), Tactical planning (forward looking), Internal angst, & Interpersonal.  Again I organize by color for quick reference. By tracking these you’ll see if you’ve maybe gotten super angsty and your readers or characters might need an emotional break, etc.

Distinguishing characteristics table - if you have a lot of characters to keep track of, create a table for their characteristics. Include things like: Strengths, weaknesses, fighting style, fighting weight class, sexual orientation, habits, speech patterns, thing they’ll refuse to do, etc. This’ll help you maybe characters who are otherwise very similar unique.

Knowledge In/Out table - for really complicated plot points I’ll make a table that organizes per scene/chapter all the requisite knowledge the characters must have going into the scene and all the new knowledge (that is necessary for a future plot point) that the character must gain. This is helpful for organizing your foreshadowing.

Timeline vs Outline - if you’re presenting content in a non-chronological fashion, I can’t stress enough the importance of having a timeline of events as distinct from your plot outline.

My basic routine for writing content

Write some basic dialogue - This creates a skeleton for the scene and it reminds you what the hell is happening if you’re bouncing around.

Insert minimal descriptions of actions like “he said”

Write some short paragraphs giving insight into the characters’ thoughts, feelings, motivations.

Add major physical events like the basic structure of a fight, sex scene, or if you really need for character A to end up holding object B.

Add more actions that bridge the gap between dialogue and/or major events.

Write more dialogue that addresses the details of the actions you’ve just created.

Add physical description/setting (I expect most people do this earlier).

Read through what you’ve got so far asking yourself questions like: 

Are the characters acting in character? 

Are the characters acting rationally? 

Are the characters acting in a way that reflects the emotional trauma that they’re going through? 

Am I writing myself into a corner? 

Do I know how I could resolve the conflict that exists in this part of the story?

Do all of the scenes serve a purpose?

Before you start finalizing a scene, ask yourself if you’ve made the content unrealistic in your attempt to make the story easier on yourself. I can’t tell you how many times I rewrote large pieces of story because I was nearly done with a section and thought “But in real life people aren’t this lucky.”

Reread your work in whatever order you want while asking the who, what, where, why, how. And add bits as needed to answer those questions.

Skim the text looking for *** (see below for tip) that need replacing and areas that need segues.

Read through from beginning to end looking for continuity problems and subjects that need more elaboration.

Proofread/final pass.

General Tips

If you’re in the middle of writing and you can’t think of the next sentence, witty retort, paragraph, or how to end the section, just type *** and keep moving. Don’t let yourself get bogged down. That’s a sure fire way to get frustrated and discouraged. Later on you can tackle it with fresh eyes.

You can use coincidences to get your characters into trouble, but try like hell to avoid using coincidences to get them out of trouble. Laziness is only forgivable a few times, so use it wisely.

Know where you’re going, but stay flexible on how you get there. For example, as you write your story you’ll become more and more familiar with your characters and after awhile you might realize that something you’d been planning doesn’t make sense for them anymore. Don’t panic and don’t let your character just waltz into an OOC moment. Take a little time to figure out how to sufficiently motivate your character back on track towards your goal.

Pick themes/philosophical questions and remind yourself of them throughout the writing process. A few major themes for J&F were: What does it mean to be good? How do you balance responsibilities? Learning to accept oneself.

Make music playlists for specific characters, pairings, settings, events (like fight scenes). That way you have a quick way to get yourself back into a particular mood/mindset. I had ~20 playlists that I listened to while writing J&F in order to make it easier to write so many different characters and scenarios.

Draw from your experience. Even if you haven’t fought monsters, you’ve probably experienced many of the feelings/emotions that the character is feeling (fear, helplessness, determination, uncertainty, etc)

Rules and systems exist to make things easier, but you don’t always need to follow them. Sometimes you just need to throw balance out the window and hit the readers with an unrelenting string of angst.  

Lastly, sometimes fuck ups happen. I miss steps or overlook things all the time. But the nice thing is that your readers probably aren’t going to notice. Just roll with the punches and keep at it.

Hope this is helpful. Feel free to message me if you want to talk about writing, supernatural, or pretty much anything.

[sinceileftyoublog]

Little Kid Interview: Pry It Open

BY JORDAN MAINZER

A man comes home from work and finds his wife’s clothes strewn about on the floor. In that situation, most people with a healthy amount of pessimism would assume infidelity. The narrator in Little Kid songs assumes rapture. Indeed, Transfiguration Highway, the latest from the Toronto band fronted by singer-songwriter Kenny Boothby and their first for Solitaire Recordings, juxtaposes country-leaning, classic rock instrumentation with stories of people yearning, classically misguided, downtrodden, or lost. And unlike much of their previous material, the songs are tight and concise, circling with banjo, harmonica, and drums as opposed to minimal and drawn out guitar exercises, leaving Boothby’s words for maximum impact. Take “Thief On The Cross”, where Boothby not-so-secretly wishes other bands who they’ve known and made it big would take them along, revolving around a chugging guitar riff, banjo plucks, and celebratory bar-room piano. On the opposite emotional spectrum is “All Night (Golden Ring)”, a gentle duet between Boothby and multi-instrumentalist Megan Lunn, about another famous duet partnership, Tammy Wynette and George Jones, who eventually recorded purely for commercial reasons post-divorce and Jones’ abuse. Even Boothby’s sneering, whispered vocals on the title track effectively mirror the subtleties of his observations about the way his hometown had changed, as he logically muses along over a slinky bass line and 4/4 drum beat.

As much as he describes the characters like the one in “I Thought That You’d Been Raptured” as a joke, Boothby certainly uses the songs on Transfiguration Highway to process his own life. He grew up Christian and essentially learned how to play music through church, listening almost exclusively to Christian music till he was a teenager. Though gender and power dynamics play a role in the negative behavior of characters fake and real, like the idiot husband or Jones, Boothby’s analysis of the rest suggests a sort of hymnal reverence, or at least the possibility of goodness. The down-on-their-luck gamblers on the Whitney-esque “Losing” are treated with an exasperated smile. And on closer “Pry”, Boothby sings repeatedly, “I’ll pry it open,” not just referring to his heart but the gates of heaven. There’s room for ya if you’re kind.

I spoke with Boothby in late July about Transfiguration Highway, Christianity and Christian music, and his love-hate relationship with Bob Dylan. Read our conversation below, edited for length and clarity.

Since I Left You: What is your current relationship with religion in general?

Kenny Boothby: I guess I wouldn’t be comfortable saying I’m a Christian, per se. I’m culturally Christian, if that makes sense. I was raised that way. But I wouldn’t say Jesus is my savoir or anything that would have to be on that checklist for a lot of people. It’s part of my history--I value it for a lot of reasons, but I wouldn’t be comfortable saying I’m a Christian in any way, really. It sticks around because I like the imagery and it shaped my worldview, for better or worse, in a lot of ways. It’s a complex relationship.

SILY: I know you’re influenced by Christian music--not what people think of, like contemporary Christian rock--but hymnals.

KB: I grew up listening to almost exclusively Christian music till I was a teen. Some of those bands still stick around and are important to me, but largely, it wasn’t a very artful group. Nowadays, even the ones I would still listen to wouldn’t meet the people’s requirements either, like Sufjan Stevens or early Pedro the Lion. That’s the closest thing that could be considered Christian music I still listen to. But I learned how to play music at church, so in a sense, there’s a Christian tradition of music that I’m part of in a way.

SILY: On the lead track on the album, “I Thought That You’d Been Raptured”, the character in the song, his first thought when he saw his wife’s clothes on the floor was not that she was having an affair but that she’d been raptured. Would you say this character is naive, and naive because of religion?

KB: Hmm...to me, the character’s made to be a bit of a joke to me. I view him as a stupid man. [laughs] Walking in and making these assumptions. Maybe he’s entitled and out of touch with the relationship himself, like some of the things he lists about the relationship and why he should have gotten to heaven. So, naive, but also arrogant. I connect it to religion, but it wasn’t meant to be a send-up of Christianity, almost more of a gender-based thing. This is a man who is so unaware of his wife’s needs and that she’s looking for attention elsewhere that his first thought is he’s done everything right. But I guess it could come across that way.

SILY: I love the moment where he comes in and sees a crucifix above the bed, and thinks, “As I watched, his limbs were spreading out,” and the two people intertwined in bed also have limbs spreading out. It’s like this is the moment where his innocence, or whatever was blocking him from realizing what was going on, was lost.

KB: That makes sense. I often write songs kind of quick--it feels like a very long process, but often, the active time I’m sitting there writing is kind of short. That day, especially, was less than an hour of sitting there and assembling words. Some of it is not as intentional as it may seem, but when you say that, I’m like, “Cool, right on!” It’s interesting what the subconscious mind can whip up sometimes.

SILY: This record more so than anything else you’ve made sounds bigger. Why did you make that choice at this time in the existence of the band? Did it have to do with signing to a new label?

KB: When we made it, we didn’t have a label or anything attached to it. The process was the same, though we had access to a tape machine for the first time and could record live to tape. Artistically, it’s sort of the logical next step for us. But Dan [Rutman] from Solitaire, I’d been in touch with him for a while because my friend [Brigitte] Naggar from Common Holly is on the label. I knew he was kind of interested. I got the sense he wasn’t super into it at first but maybe he needed it to grow in on him. After the label decision, we did decide on a grander roll-out with visualizers and that sort of thing, because that’s on the label’s side. That’s Dan’s expertise: How do we get people hyped on this more. Before, we were like, “Let’s do a post on every social media saying, ‘Hey, this’ll be out in a month.’” And then a month later, we’d put it out. There wasn’t much thought to it. Anything that’s grander is more on the PR front: label expertise, money being paid to publicists. It comes across as more of a grand thing, and that’s cool and what we were hoping to get out of the label. To have more people hear it. The process for making the album was more or less the same--what was bigger was the social media and the storytelling to entice people to listen. 

SILY: What was the inspiration behind the sequencing of the record?

KB: That’s something we always take a long time thinking about and noticing during recording, like, “That’ll be a good first song,” or, “That could be a closer.” It’s something we start to agree on pretty early. But then when you pick the track list, it can be really difficult. This one was hard to sequence. I think it was the last day of recording at [bassist Paul Vroom’s] old place, The Pharmacy, and me and Meg sat down, and I wrote down the titles of the songs on an old piece of paper. I took a sharpie and was writing the key for each song on there as well. Some of them ended on a different key, so I was thinking about the circle of fifths. There were some that didn’t work well that way, but there were some that ended abruptly enough that the key could change and it felt okay still. I approached it that way and then showed it to Meg, and she recommended switching two of them or something, and then we both looked at it and thought, “That seems pretty good.” We showed it to the rest of the band, and everybody kind of agreed that it worked.

Another funny detail: I wrote the keys on each one, but then I also put a cowboy hat on top of the ones that had kind of a twang to them, and I think I was trying to spread the twang evenly across the album.

SILY: Does “I Thought That You’d Been Raptured” segue into “What’s In A Name”?

KB: It does. That’s not necessarily a planned thing, but I noticed [the former] landed on an “A” chord and the other song starts with an “A” chord. It worked musically and was an interesting second track.

SILY: There’s a nice level of variation from track-to-track, from aesthetic to time signature to lyrical themes. And then the couple short tracks, “Candle Out” and “Gill”, are nice breaks.

KB: That’s kind of different for us. We often have very long songs. This album has some of our shortest ones: The average track length is probably three-and-a-half minutes, maybe 4, which is almost a normal song length. Those really short ones are new for us. “Candle Out” was a musical idea I had, and it was just about all you could do with the idea, and “Gill” was just an instrumental that I wrote about my friend who passed away. The day of her funeral I was playing and I came up with it. But yeah, we were kind of kicking around with them, trying to figure out what to do with them. “Candle Out” seemed like a good closer for the side, and we thought about opening a side with it, too. Definitely, they’re breathers and sequenced accordingly to be in a similar spot in the track list on both sides.

SILY: “Gill” precedes the longest track on the album, “Pry”, that fits more with your past material. “Pry” almost seems to be not the emotional climax in terms of the narrative but the peak of emotional feeling on the record.

KB: It’s probably the most sincere song on there, and maybe the most personal, to be honest. More than usual, there’s storytelling on this one, but that one was a feelings song. The lyrics are fairly simple in the effect that they’re not building on each other like a story, but maybe they’re harder to decipher for that reason. It’s the simplest in a lot of ways, but I feel strongly about it in a different way I do something like “Rapture” for sure.

SILY: The repetition of the lyrics definitely mirrors the repetition of a lot of the chords.

KB: It’s a two-chorder, for sure. There’s a little twist at the end, some surprise chords, but it’s mostly these two. It’s something I used to do a lot more often, but we’re getting really into the fucky chords these days.

SILY: Were there any newfound instrumental influences on this record?

KB: That’s a good question. The most obvious touch point when you turn the record on is Bob Dylan. I have kind of a love/hate relationship with Bob Dylan--I feel strongly for him, and I mostly love him, for years now. If you know that, there are lyrical hints or subtitles in other songs that are based on Bob Dylan. He’s been an influence, though I don’t know if I’ve ever really sounded like him before. “Losing” is a traditional Canadian, Neil Young/The Band kind of vibe. That one was written, I had the piano line for a while and was picturing a soft country rock kind of song. That day, it was [electric guitarist/drummer Brodie Germain], Paul, and I, and I showed them the song. We did the initial guitar, bass, and drums all together. Brodie was the right drummer to be on that one since he was raised on classic rock and Neil Young. We felt, “That’s nice we have a song that has that kind of feel,” because if we’re together, we’re having some beers and it always ends up we’re listening to some Neil Young song and talking about how just slow enough the drum beat is. The piano was new. I was basing so much around the piano. Every song has some, and some are centered around it, but I’m not sure where that influence came from other than I’ve been playing my piano a lot more.

SILY: The Dylan influence is an interesting one, because in his music, he has the same relationship with religion or religious allusions that you do.

KB: That’s something that connects me with him for sure. His Christian records are terrible--I can’t listen to them--but I have really low tolerance for 1980′s music and the production at that time. I think those are late 70′s, but he was just starting to get to that shiny sound. And the lyrics are just fucking brutal on them too. When he went full Christian, that was a really bad scene. All my favorite records of his are in the first six or seven, and they do have a lot of little references. “Highway 61 Revisited”, the song, is a big influence.

SILY: Have you heard the new releases from Dylan and Neil Young?

KB: I’ve listened to the Dylan one just once. I liked it okay. I was enjoying the music of it, thinking it was produced in a fairly tasteful way for his more recent stuff, and the playing on it was great. Some of the lyrics were good, some were kind of garbage. I really don’t like really direct rhymes, like if you rhyme “truck” with “duck”. When it’s a full-on rhyme, I’m cringing, to be honest. Some of Dylan’s rhymes, I just know what he’s gonna say next, and it pisses me off. Like it’s too obvious...Here I am criticizing Bob Dylan’s lyrics. I’m not trying to do that. But a lot of them on this album I was cringing at.

The newly unearthed Neil Young album [Homegrown] of course is pretty cool. I like his records from right around that time a lot, so it’s cool to have another piece from that time in his career. I kind of see why it was shelved, though. It’s not as strong as some of those. But there’s some cool stuff. I actually really like the weird one with the glass, and he’s telling a story, and somebody’s sliding their finger around a glass. It’s really strange. I appreciate that’s in there for sure.

SILY: Did you have live dates that were affected by the pandemic?

KB: The only ones we had set in stone were from the release weekend. We were gonna be playing in Toronto and Montreal and Kingston, all within a pretty short drive within Canada. In September, we started the process of booking a tour, which is now of course not happening. It’s a bummer since we never really toured before, and I made the decision that I would more seriously be a musician this year for at least the next few years as opposed to having to take time off to do tours and stuff. Nature had another plan, so to speak, and now I can’t do that. [laughs] It’s frustrating, but mostly, I missed the release shows quite a bit. There’s always that date on the horizon for a long time, and the celebration of it is the show, and the catharsis happens there and I feel free of the album after that show. But there are a lot of other musicians for whom it’s been more painful financially and otherwise.

SILY: Have you considered doing a live stream from a socially distant venue or your practice space?

KB: That would be really cool. We were trying to get this grant to do a distant concert film. I don’t think we got it since we haven’t heard back. But when it’s safe for us as a band to get together or when we all feel comfortable, it would be cool to try. Like a Radiohead [In Rainbows - From the Basement] kind of vibe. I’m hoping we could have other songs finished. Maybe when shows are back we could play the album through.

SILY: What else is next for you?

KB: In December, Brodie was here. In November, he played a few shows with us. He moved away to the UK but was back for about a month and a half. We thought, “He’s here, let’s record some stuff.” We recorded six or seven songs. Some of them are super long, some of our longest, so we almost have enough for a record already, but we aren’t sure they’re all keepers. Mostly, I have to write a lot of lyrics to flesh it out, and that hasn’t been flowing too much. I’ve written a couple in a couple months. In this next month, I’m off work for a month, so I should more seriously write some stuff. Hopefully we have an album done in the fall.

SILY: Is there anything you’ve been listening to, watching, or reading lately that’s notable?

KB: I’ve been listening to the album DAMN. by Kendrick Lamar really consistently for the last four months or so. I’ve just been digging into that one, seeming to get more into it every time: the lyrics, the depth of the album is really sinking in for the first time for some reason, though I liked it when it came out. As far as newer records, I like the Phoebe Bridgers record a lot, and Tenci’s My Heart Is An Open Field, and Empty Country, the guy from Cymbals Eat Guitars’ solo album I’ve been digging a lot. Lately, because I’ve been working, I’ve been listening to a lot of mellow stuff that I feel like I could do in the background: Emily Yacina, Advance Base. That’s fairly routine stuff for me. Those are all kind of #kennycore kind of records. I think I’m looking for that comfort in these weird times.

SILY: Would you call Little Kid #kennycore?

KB: [laughs] I hope so. That’s the goal. Make it sound like something I would like to listen to.

Transfiguration Highway by Little Kid

[jobethdalloway]

Rizzles 7! :D

Prompt 7 from the Autumn Fic Memes: Scary Movies :) 

“You didn’t even consider it!”

“Okay, um, hm. No.”

“C'mon, Jane, it’ll be fun!”

“No it won’t!” Jane said, but she was at least laughing. “I told you, I don’t like scary movies.”

“You did not; all you said was that you didn’t want to go to Tommy’s while he and Lydia marathoned all the Saw movies. And nobody out of high school and in their right mind would want to do that. This’ll be totally different, it’s not slasher porn.”

Jane gave Maura an appraising look. “Truth be told, when you asked me out I did not expect a scary movie to be your first choice. I thought you’d want to drag me to an art show or symphony or something.”

“It’s not gory, it’s a ghost story from Spain, and it’s been very well reviewed. And also, I wouldn’t want to ‘drag’ you anywhere. In fact, I’m a little offended by the insinuation,” Maura sniffed.

Jane sighed and took gentle hold of Maura’s arm when it looked like she was about to leave the break room. “Hey, I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too. I just thought this could be something fun to do together, but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. Especially not on our first date,” she added with a smile, getting a laugh out of Jane. “Let’s do something else - I have no qualms about going to a movie alone some other time.”

“Wait, alone? Couldn’t you go with someone else?”

It sounded like Maura had run through these options already: “I don’t exactly have a plethora of friends to choose from. Your mother doesn’t like scary movies, Frost doesn’t like seeing more blood than he has to, Tommy and Lydia won’t see anything subtitled, and I’m afraid if I do something one-on-one with Susie again she’s going to get the wrong idea about my intentions.”

Jane frowned. “If she gets cute, just tell her you’re dating me.”

“Oh? Are we exclusive already?” Maura teased her.

“Oh, I mean…I just meant…I meant, like, you could just say that if you wanted her to leave you be,” Jane stammered, intensely embarrassed to feel herself blushing. “It’s whatever.”

“It’s whatever?” Maura chuckled, not helping Jane’s blush go away. “I’m not used to seeing you this flustered, detective. I think I like it.”

Jane snorted, but at least she was smiling again. “Then you’re a sadist. And speaking of sadism, I can’t in good conscience let you go to the movies alone. I’ll come.”

Maura looked baffled by this line of thinking. “But Jane, I really don’t mind-”

“No, no, my mind’s made up, don’t try to talk me out of it now,” Jane said. Her phone buzzed with an update on their case from Frost; without even thinking about it, she gave Maura a swift kiss on the cheek on her way out the door. “Look up the times for this weekend and just keep me posted.”

Jane couldn’t make it out until late Sunday night, which was probably just as well - the only other people in the theater were an older couple sitting quite close to the front and a woman just a couple of rows behind them. Carrying a soda and popcorn buttered more than Maura would’ve normally been cool with, Jane led the way to the last row of the theater.

“Are we going all the way to the back?” Maura asked.

“I like to think of it more as the top,” Jane said, moving to the middle of the row. “I’m sorry, is that gonna bug you? It’s just that the last time I went to a scary movie in a theater, some jackass behind me could tell I was freaked out and he grabbed my shoulder. I don’t want to give anyone the opportunity to do that again.”

“When was that?”

“Eh, high school. From then on I preferred watching that stuff at home, with the lights on and a bunch of people around,” she chuckled. “C'mon, sit down. Or sorry, would you rather move-?”

“No, don’t,” Maura said, putting her hand on Jane’s shoulder when it looked like she was about to stand up. “These seats are fine, I just feel bad thinking I’ve bullied you into watching this with me. I’m sure we could get our money back if we returned our tickets now; the trailers haven’t even started yet.”

Jane patted the seat next to her. “Maura, its cool. I’m cool. Please, just sit down.”

But things became less cool when the previews began, and each one seemed more horrifying than the next. Slasher movies didn’t affect her much, but she did find it a little strange that some people actively sought out such violence as entertainment. Jump scares aggravated her and there were a number of those in the previews, but she worked hard to keep herself from reacting in a way that Maura would notice and pity. A ghost movie didn’t seem like it would be so bad - and it was a foreign one, which meant it was probably going to be classy, right? And how scary could something classy be?

As it turned out, very.

The thing was, Jane got invested, and as anxious as she felt she wanted to see how the film ended and knew that reading a Wikipedia summation wouldn’t be satisfying enough. Maura couldn’t help noticing that Jane was cringing, though, and not even half an hour into the movie she asked if Jane wanted to leave.

“No, I’m fine,” Jane said tersely. Even if she had protested to this idea at first, she did not like feeling babied, and Maura could sense her pride’s sensitivity.

“Okay, then I’d just like to give you a heads-up.”

“For what?” Jane whispered, tensing up in anticipation of a particularly frightening scene Maura somehow already knew about.

“If it’s all right with you, I’d like to put my arm around your shoulders. Me, not some random jerk behind us in the projection booth or something.”

Jane turned to look at her, and smiled. “Sure, go ahead.”

It was amazing to them both how comfortable this felt. Maura had had her own preconceptions of what Jane would be like on a date, stemming from the conversation they’d once had where Jane had confidently asserted that she’d be “the guy” if she were ever in a relationship with a woman. At this moment, though, Jane was filling the societal expectation for “the girl” on a date at a scary movie - even more so when, after a tense scene, she leaned closer to Maura and rested against her shoulder. A few moments later, Maura’s free hand found Jane’s, and clasped it gently, running her thumb along the back of Jane’s fingers.

“That was … nice,” Jane observed later as she drove Maura home.

“Nice? Ever since it ended, you’ve been talking about how stupid the ending was!” Maura laughed.

“Uh, and I stand by that. I meant the other thing was nice. The you and me, um, thing. That was nice.” Jane’s voice had gotten soft, the way it did when she was trying to lull TJ to sleep. “I was never really um, good at that before. Like, all that girly stuff girls - women - are supposed to… well, I mean I guess it’s not even girly, it’s just like, we’re supposed to lean on the guy and sit on the lap and be the little spoon and all that, and I’ve pretty much always been uncomfortable with that, even with the one guy I dated who I did like. It just seemed like it’d be emasculating to ask them to switch.”

Maura waited to make sure Jane was finished. “Feels nice not to have to worry about egos like that, doesn’t it?”

Jane stole a glance at her and grinned. “Yeah. Yeah, it does.”

“But speaking of egos, I hope you didn’t stay at that movie because you were too proud to say you wanted to leave.”

“That’s rich, coming from the woman who peer pressured me into going in the first place!” Jane laughed. “I mean okay, I was maybe a bit proud. But I wanted to see how it ended. … which of course now I regret.”

“I’m sorry!”

They speculated about possible alternate endings the filmmaker could have chosen for the rest of the ride. When they got to Maura’s place and saw the guest house was dark, Jane wondered aloud if Angela had gone to bed or was still out with Cavanaugh. She immediately regretted this when Maura started teasing her about it. When the laughter died out, Maura noted Jane had a strange faraway look in her eye; she was looking at the guest house, but didn’t seem to be thinking about it anymore.

“Jane? Are you okay?”

The automatic “I’m fine” died in her throat before Jane could vocalize it. She didn’t want to be like the people she’d dated who thought it was macho to keep emotions to themselves; and besides, Maura wouldn’t judge her and wanted her to be honest. “What’d you call that movie? Like, psychological horror? I guess it’s kind of in my head. I was so into what was going on that I wasn’t really thinking about the mood, but um, now I’m thinking about it. I’m thinking about going home to my empty apartment and … I dunno,” she chuckled, getting self-conscious. “That’s stupid, right? Maybe I’ll just put on Netflix and play whatever TJ watched last to change my mood. Or maybe I’ll crash on the couch in your guest house and wait for my mom to get home. That’s not TOO much sadder, right?”

Maura didn’t laugh. “It’s not stupid.” What was stupid was me not considering the effect that could have on you. “Would it make you feel better to spend the night? With me?”

Jane’s heartbeats all seemed to pile up. “I wasn’t angling for that,” she said seriously.

“I know. I’m still making the offer. And I’m not angling for sex. Just a peaceful night’s sleep, hopefully.”

“So like…sleeping together, you mean? Like, in your bed?”

“We’ve done it before.”

“True. Um, I didn’t bring anything to wear, though.”

Maura smiled. “I already know you wear your shoes and regular clothes to bed.” When Jane just affectionately rolled her eyes, Maura added, “I’ve got some lounging clothes you could borrow, and an extra set of toiletries.”

“Well, you make it hard for a girl to say no!”

“You can if you want to, you know. I won’t be offended.”

“Yeah, I know. And I want to. I mean - I want to stay.”

The initial awkwardness passed quickly. Jane changed and got ready in the guest bedroom, and waited for a text from Maura to signal that she was clear to come in. Jane thought she could’ve used more of a heads-up when she walked into the master bedroom to see Maura in a gold silk nightie.

“This is the longest one I had!” Maura said. “Look, it almost reaches my knees. My flannel is in the attic, and the pants I sometimes wear are dirty and because I wasn’t anticipating you spending the-”

“Maura, honey, it’s fine,” Jane chuckled, getting under the covers and feeling remarkably drab in a tank top and pajama bottoms. “It’s fine and you’re fine. Fine as hell. Ooh, shouldn’t have said hell. That just reminded me of that scene in the movie in the furnace room.”

“Shhhh, lets not think about the movie,” Maura said, turning on her nightstand lamp and switching off the overhead light. She got into bed next to Jane. “Let’s talk about something else, okay?”

“Okay,” Jane whispered, reaching over and cupping Maura’s face. “But for the record, I don’t regret going to the movie. The only thing I regret is that I didn’t make out with you during it.”

That got an honest laugh out of Maura. “How randy!”

“Did you just call me randy?” Jane chuckled. “What a grandmotherly word. I guess that balances out my teenage maturity in wanting to make out with you in the back of a movie theater.”

“I wouldn’t have stopped you,” Maura said with a subdued smile.

Jane propped herself up on one elbow, brushing Maura’s hair behind her ear. “Funny thing. Being scared in that movie meant I didn’t have time to be scared about being intimate with my best friend. It makes my nerves now feel like… feel small. Insignificant.”

She paused, waiting for Maura to say something or in any way indicate that she didn’t want Jane to continue in this vein. All she got were eager eyes and then soft lips meeting her own. Jane moaned into the kiss, breaking it off with a shudder when her hands traversed down Maura’s body, from the sleek skin of her arm to the smooth silk.

“God, that’s sexy,” she murmured, lying back down and pulling Maura to her. She kissed her neck and Maura’s breath caught. Jane felt electrified at the sensation of feeling and hearing Maura’s every reaction, no matter how minute. Maura shifted one leg between Jane’s but felt no urgent need to take more drastic action beyond that. This felt so, so nice on its own.

“What’s your endgame, here?” Maura breathed after what might have been several minutes. “Should I turn off the lamp?”

“I just want to make out with you all night long,” Jane said with adorable sincerity. She smirked. “Does that scare you?”

“No,” Maura said, shutting off the lamp. When her hand came back down it grazed Jane’s breast, and Maura’s grin widened at the feeling. “It excites me.”

[oishioshis]

Favourite Songs 2016 ~A Mixed Bag~

This is probably the longest I’ve put something off in my life, for one reason or another whenever I started writing this list I became overwhelmed or really down on myself. What do I know? Who am I? What value is this at all? Well, none of those questions really matter. I’m doing this for myself and hopefully there’s the added benefit of friends looking at this and maybe getting an idea for what I’m into.

It’s no secret my interests have vastly changed between 2015 and 2016 making this an incredibly hard list to curate, but that process made me realise that this whole thing is kinda nonsense. It’s a fun thing I’m throwing together based on what I enjoyed, it’s not me scouring every release throughout a year and giving you my take on it. I’m going to miss things and skip songs and entire albums, this is an unranked list except for my absolute favourite of the year.

However, before I get into my favourite releases I want to give my take on a hobby I had a couple years back. While I think their releases are often really poor and lacking in mostly every regard, it’s worth highlighting the very rare gem they manage to spit out.

AKB48 - Love Trip

This song is kinda fantastic in that it’s everything I personally feel AKB48 should be. It’s energetic, youthful and intense. AKB48 is often bogged down with releases that are mellow and way too easy going for the sheer amount of personality they have. They should be fun, and Love Trip is exactly that, and well executed, too. The mix of acoustic guitars and wailing electric guitars throughout give the song an energy more reminiscent of their older output, the accompanying layered gang vocals, while they leave something to be desired on a technical level, do add to the intensity of the song itself. It’s not abrasive, it feels just right. Love Trip could be described as a beautiful chaos, as it is a mess, but a mess that works to the benefit of the listener, it’s a song about young love, and the song sounds as chaotic as that moment in your life feels. Overall, I’d say this is the best AKB48 song in years, and continues to be.

Nogizaka46 - Harujion ga Sakukoro

I was once writing what was basically a love letter to this song that I never got around to posting. When this song first came out I adored it, the composition and arrangement is so uplifting and beautiful that it’s hard to put into words how exactly you feel about it. The song is a mix of a thumping house beat and string sections with what sounds like a synthesized chorus vocal line, and it works perfectly. The music itself never really resolves itself in its transitions from chorus to verse until the end where the story of the song is resolved, and I thought that was a very smart, well crafted touch.

I don’t hold Nogizaka46 to the same standard as AKB48. I personally feel that Nogizaka46’s output is very solid for most releases even if they falter in some coupling track decisions here and there, but Harujion ga Sakukoro is a very, very special song and I feel it is a highlight when it comes to idol songs.

Now with that out of the way I get to my favourite songs of the year. These songs are in no real order but at the very end I’ll give my absolute favourite song of the year, so if you only came for that then just skip to the end because this’ll be real boring otherwise.

Favourite Songs

Perfume - Flash

People like to rag on Perfume these days for whatever reason, can’t say I really get it. I understand the music has changed but that doesn’t mean it’s objectively better or worse. I find Flash to be a highlight in Perfume’s discography, and the Cosmic Explorer album, while I understand it’s a bit more western influenced and trendy, it’s a lot of fun. Flash kinda just goes in, heavy on the synth leads, snares for days, it’s dumb fun. It knows it’s dumb. I’d also like to give a shout out to the album mix of Flash, it’s rearranged and the dynamic and structure of the song sounds completely different but it’s also really good, just in a different way.

Kariya Seira - Colorful World

A very fun, electro-funk song. I love the electric piano throughout, the bendy bassline, swimmy, sparkly and stabby synths. I also love Seira’s singing, she’s become a really beautiful singer over the years and this song highlights it unlike no other. If you’re ever feeling down I’d really recommend this song among Seira’s other songs.

BiSH - Orchestra

Probably BiSH’s most ambitious song to date. It gives off the melancholic yet optimistic vibes of a smoother Nogizaka46 song, but with a really intense double-kick build into a flurry of orchestral strings. It’s not really a mix you think of to often, but the mix of metal and a string section with this really off-kilter idol punk singing works beautifully. Idol music can sometimes feel a bit fake, but BiSH always manages to feel authentic and I feel Orchestra is a good example of that.

Fujiwara Sakura - “Kawaii”

My favourite side of Fujiwara Sakura is her really emotive singing, and that especially shows in the chorus of “Kawaii”, it’s a very pretty, sentimental jazz song. It’s very jazz, so if you don’t like jazz maybe this won’t be your thing, but it’s jaunty, it’s a lot of fun. Please try it, she’s really good. I’m on my knees begging. I love her so much.

Maison Book Girl - lost AGE

I’ve never been able to describe Maison Book Girl, they’re a unique genre unto themselves, very heavy on strings and acoustic guitars but chopped and mixed incredibly weirdly. I honestly wouldn’t recommend a single song by them, but their entire discography. It’s so unique, it’s indescribable. It’s all one cohesive style so if you don’t like one song you won’t like any of their songs, really, but you need to check them out.

Ladies’ Code - Galaxy

More jazz! But now lower key and subdued. Galaxy is very pretty musically and visually, so definitely check out the music video. I really like the places the song goes, in the bridge it kinda builds this jazzy momentum in contrast to the very mellow beginning and they carry it towards the end. It’s a very neat, chill song, I thoroughly recommend it. Also I adore the bassline.

Ladies’ Code - The Rain

More upbeat and less subtle than Galaxy, but the bouncy synth on top of the continued jazzy feel from Galaxy makes The Rain my favourite of Ladies’ Code releases from 2016. There’s also something about the lead in with the heavy violin into the hard hitting chorus that makes The Rain feel a bit more intensely emotional than Galaxy. Can’t quite put my finger on it, but I like it a lot.

Lee Hi - My Star

Lee Hi continues her motown streak with My Star, and it’s kinda motown-lite but there’s something about it that I really like. The hook is really catchy to me, it’s reminiscent of contemporary motown where it sounds a bit more pop than full motown and that’s alright for me. I also reward any song for expensing actual session played instrumental work, like this song has actual brass sections. However the main snare they’re using sounds EDM as heck. Song’s produced by Teddy so it’s to be expected to some degree isn’t it.

TWICE - TT

What hasn’t been said about TT at this point? It kinda became a cultural phenomenon in East Asia. It’s a really great song. Excellent use of space in the mix, makes the song sound huge and ethereal, the deep house-esque bass synths are wonderful and the hook is super catchy. It’s a perfect pop song if you ask me.

WJSN - Secret

I adore secret, some would call this maybe the biggest surprise of 2016, but it’s an e.one track, of course it’s fantastic. e.one can do no wrong. The music box lead into the melodic synth with an accompanying string section is probably the thing that immediately hooked everybody into this song. It’s a great, fun way to start off your song. That and, of course, the bimiliya aaaaaAa, it’s incredibly catchy. It never gets boring for me.

REOL - Give me a break stop now

REOL’s vocal inflections and general vocal direction is the hook for me, I love her style, but the song is also the type of EDM trap I’m way into. Abrasive trap horns, heavy ass synth, weird ass BONK replacing the snare, the entire thing just kicks you in the teeth and it’s great. REOL and GigaP did a fantastic job at producing this.

BLACKPINK - Whistle / Boombahyah / Playing With Fire

I’m putting most of BLACKPINK’s discography into one because I thoroughly, thoroughly enjoyed every release they put out in 2016. Whistle’s low-key, simple melodies are something I’m not typically into, but I was immediately hooked by the song, it’s so catchy.  The heavy sub-bass, cowbell rhythm, snare rolling into the bouncy, acoustic build unusually works very, very well and the hook itself is simple and fun, I recommend it.

Boombahyah is basically a pop-ified, big room house banger with all the arabic scale and reverb heavy snares you can handle. It’s almost comical how ridiculous the song is, but it’s a lot of fun, and that’s all I really want.

Playing With Fire is probably my favourite BLACKPINK song of 2016, the electro swing feel throughout, especially in the synth hook is really enjoyable. It’s a very charismatic song, Lisa especially hooks me as I love how she delivers her lines, she’s such a goof but in this song has a lot of attitude.

Red Velvet - Russian Roulette

Russian Roulette is, despite the name, a fun synthpop song with a disco influence. The song is presented in a very monotonous fashion, it leads in with a flat, stuttering “la, la-la, la” and throughout the song the vocals are delivered in a similarly robotic way, very atypical for the blues-y, soulful vocals you’re used to from Red Velvet. I think that’s what makes this song really interesting. It’s a 180 from the absolute belter that was Dumb Dumb, but they still make it work, they, and pop music in general, do not need to be hinged on technical ability to be a fun, entertaining song. While not everybody can make it work, Red Velvet impressed me with their versatility. The music itself is very nice and simple, lots of synth drags, stuttery vocal leads and it even has the rare musical interlude which Korean pop tends not to do too often. Definitely one of my favourite songs of the year.

Oh My Girl - Windy Day

Probably one of the weirder Korean idol releases in recent years. Windy Day is an acoustic heavy, ethereal, bubblegummy type song with very beautifully arranged vocals and an arabic scale (at least I think it’s the arabic scale) influenced musical interlude that completely contrasts the feel of the previous verses. The song is fucking nuts, and it’s great. It’s hard to describe. I really recommend you check it out regardless of the type of music you’re into because it’s a weird one.

Lovelyz - Destiny

Synth, string heavy and intense. It’s not a mellow track by any means, but there’s something about Destiny that is eerie and even haunting. I’d go into Destiny further but I want to write a post in itself about Lovelyz discography at one point where I delve deeper into the sounds and style, but I need to include this because the song is fantastic and you should listen to it.

Absolute Favourite Song of the Year

Gfriend - Rough / Navillera

Both of these songs, to me, are perfect. I find no faults in either of them. They both easily go onto my favourite songs of all time. From the string, guitar heavy Rough to the synthy, discopop Navillera, it’s hard to find a fault, they’re both essentially perfect songs for me. The vocal delivery is beautiful, the way the strings and synths are arranged are both beautiful and powerful, the cute guitar solos feel nostalgic yet unique for the current pop landscape. It all just works perfectly for me. They’re both perfect songs.

And that’s about it. You probably noticed “hey these are all title tracks” well, yes, they are. I wanted to make it easier for myself but I do recommend if you enjoy any of these songs that you check out the respective single, mini-album or album they come from. Also, respect to everybody who produced and was involved with the production of these songs and music videos.

Iggy Youngbae are my dads