#this whole show is just jon with the girlies

[hipsternumbertwo]

I think I've seen this film before...

[heartstringsbloom]

Different characters from MLP, Cars, EAH, and KH and the song each of them would perform at a singing audition or show (loosely inspired by The Voice)

My Little Pony: FIM

Twilight: Sky Full of Stars by Coldplay (makes it a lovely little ballad. prob plays piano while performing)

Rainbow Dash: Don’t Stop Me Now by Queen (just very her in terms of energy)

Pinkie Pie: Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepson (girly-pop queen)

Rarity: Young and Beautiful by Lana Del Ray (her voice actually brings some tears out of listeners. It’s magical)

Applejack: Something in The Water by Carrie Underwood (puts her heart into this one. She’s misty-eyed by the end)

Fluttershy: Plant Life by Owl City (starts out timid but gets lost in the song by the end. Her sweetness really shines here, and reflects how she grows braver and more ready to step out into the world)

Celestia: Someone Like You by Adele (I Think Celestia would sound beautiful in this)

Luna: Landslide by Stevie Nicks (Luna shows her vulnerable side in this. It’s quite lovely)

Cadence: So Close by Jon McLaughlin (absolutely pours her heart into the song. I think Cadence would sing this beautifully)

Pixar’s Cars

Lightning McQueen: Confident by Demi Lovato (his is the kind of voice that walks the line between rock and pop. Throws in the occasional growl that even he didn’t know he had)

Sally Carrera: A Thousand Years by Christina Perri (the kind of voice you could listen to forever. It’s very warm and soothing. Her voice has an almost jazzy quality)

Cruz Ramirez: Girl on Fire by Alicia Keys (Cruz is an absolute powerhouse of a singer. Like McQueen she has this rockstar growl that just bleeds into her singing, paired with her lovely rasp)

Mater: Hey There Delilah by Plain White T’s (dedicates this to Holley despite not having been in contact for a while now. She sees the performance on tv one day after a long mission, and feels a strange twinge in her heart)

Bobby Swift: Uptown Funk by Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars (Bobby can put on a show. the whole crowd gets into it. He def gets a 4-chair turn)

Cal Weathers: Take on Me by A-ha (he’s just smiling the whole time, infecting the crowd with his joy)

Ramone: Livin on a Prayer by Bon Jovi (he and Flo have been at each other’s side through thick and thin. Prayer and love filled their days and nights, and they’ll always hold onto that)

Flo: Lovesong by Adele (dedicates this to Ramone. Again, they’ve had each other’s back for years now. No matter where they go or how far, that stands strong)

Ever After High

Raven Queen: I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor (with her guitar it becomes a rock ballad. She gets a standing ovation)

Apple White: King by Lauren Aquilina (a self-reflective song. Her voice is, of course, perfect—but her composure does slip towards the end)

Madeline Hatter: Insane Sometimes by Grace VanderWaal (she’s just having the time of her life, as always)

Briar Beauty: Wake Me Up by Avicii (there’s a line about wishing they weren’t scared to close their eyes. This really resonates with Briar and is a song that is both personal and a little more energetic)

Cerise Hood: Roar by Katy Perry (it took some convincing to get her on stage, but this is the song that she really lets go in. No one knew Cerise had such a voice. In a perfect world, that hood falls off as she’s belting out the chorus)

Cedar Wood: Who Says by Selena Gomez (she just wants to spread a beautiful truth)

C.A. Cupid: Everybody by Ingrid Michaelson (she turns this into a slightly jazzy, slower piece that lets her voice and heart shine through)

Blondie Lockes: Walking on Sunshine by Katrina And The Waves (just a happy-go-lucky song for a happy-go-lucky girl. It does match her personality and hair)

Kingdom Hearts (light spoilers!)

Sora: Count on Me by Bruno Mars (he has the sweetest smile the whole time singing. This one goes out to all of his friends)

Riku: Darkness Keeps Chasing Me by Grace VanderWaal (Riku isn’t the performing type, but this song resonates with him deeply. I could see him doing an acoustic guitar while singing this)

Kairi: Paradise by Coldplay (I remember watching a kh fmv with this song years ago, and ever since I’ve associated it with Kairi. She sings this for herself, but with Naminé in mind)

Roxas: Could Have Been Me by The Struts (a song that articulates his desire to truly live, no strings attached. That’s why he kept fighting for his humanity)

Axel: Secrets by OneRepublic (“just don’t let me disappear/imma tell you everything.” Axel, despite having no heart, almost always wears it on his sleeve. He isn’t afraid to let it show)

Xion: House of Memories by Panic! At The Disco (this style of song isn’t really Xion’s flow, but I think she would make it her own. She would turn it into something sweeter, like a lullaby. A gentle plea to stay in your heart and mind)

Aqua: Feel The Light by Jennifer Lopez (she sings this so genuinely and from the heart. Not only as a reminder to herself that the light will always shine through, but as a reminder to her friends of second chances. Of the second chance they were all given)

Terra: One Call Away by Charlie Puth (a part of him still wishes he had been stronger for his friends, his family. But Terra knows going forward that he will always be there for them to lean on)

Ven: Beautiful Thing by Grace VanderWaal (he sings this for Aqua and Terra. He’s just so full of love and light)

Might do a part 2 at some point with additional characters and alternative songs!

[adoriadreams]

Characters Rankings | Out of five stars

Cersei Lannister : ⭐️

I can’t stand this crazy bitch. I hate her. I want to reach in the book and just choke her. Please let her be killed. I’m still in disgust and shock that she killed Robert’s bastards. She vile and disgusting. I'm not even going to get in to the twincest( GRRM needs to be arrested for that)

Jaime Lannister : ⭐️

He’s a weirdo, not the good kinds. I hope he suffers the same fate Bran did but don’t wake up.

Tyrion Lannister : ⭐️⭐️

I just don’t have any real feelings towards him. I don’t hate him, but I don’t like him. I did find somethings he said entertaining so. I like his interaction with Jon too.

Joffrey Baratheon : -⭐️

Inbred bitch.

Eddard Stark : ⭐️⭐️⭐️

He was an okay character. I don’t love him but I like him enough. He did annoy me for most of the book. His honor is just stupidity at this point.

Catelyn Stark : ⭐️⭐️⭐️

I thought Catelyn would be so horrible because of all the things that I heard but she’s just a flawed character. I like her enough. So a three star. That line that she send to Jon that it should have been him was so out of pocket.

Varys : ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

He was entertaining and he kept making jabs at Ned that I found funny. Also him being described as an egg was funny to me. Who doesn’t live a good dramatic and messy queen.

Petyr Baelish : ⭐️⭐️ | 2.5

He’s so creepy and I really want him to die. He only got the 2.5 star cause he was funny and he’s actually an intriguing character. He’s needs to back tf off Sansa. He physically makes me sick and I don’t want him on my page but I want to see what he scheming.

Samwell Tarly : ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

My sweet baby. In my mind he’s chunky and sad, I love it.

Jon Snow : ⭐️⭐️⭐️ | 3.5

I actually like him better than the show. He atleast have more personality in this. His inner thoughts are funny too(Calling Tyrion a gargoyle, Myrcella insipid and even how he’s better than the other Black Brothers.)

Bran Stark : ⭐️⭐️

His chapters are the reason I didn’t finish the book faster. It gets more interesting in the next book I heard, so.

Sansa Stark : ⭐️⭐️⭐️

She over-hated. I liked her. She can be naive but she only eleven so it can be excused. People seem to hate her because she fits into the society that she was born into and thinks she some bully but who did she really bully. She was mean to Arya and Arya was mean to her, so. I love the vibes she gave off, I love girly girls in fantasy. They're usually treated horrible by the authors and hated by fans but I always eat them up. Anyways, I didn’t get to spend too much time with her to give her any higher ranking.

Arya Stark : ⭐️⭐️⭐️

She’s a rebellious nine-year old and I support it. I don’t normally like the tomboy characters and that’s because I always read it in YA and it’s always so sloppy, but I liked Arya. I think I need to spend more time with her though for any higher ranking. Loved her relationship with Jon. I wanted more of than. It was just an wholesome brother-sister dynamic. Jon feels outcasted cause he’s a bastard and Arya because she can’t fit into the societal norm. I really like their interactions. Arya is a character that has the potential to become a character I can like.

Daenerys Targaryen : ⭐️⭐️ | 2.5

It could been higher but I just didn’t vibe with the slavery aspect of her chapters. I just don’t like it. And like Arya and Sansa, I didn’t spend enough time with her.

I’m happy she freed from Viserys and Khal Drogo. Apparently she gets better and so does the whole slavery aspect, but I hope she doesn’t become a white savior. I really hope not, I really want to like her.

Another reason she not higher is because of Mirri maz duur.

Her killing Mirri maz duur will never sit right with me. It felt like she killed Mirri( who was a slave) for harming Khal (who was her master) and I didn't like it. Also the whole idea that Mirri did it to teach Dany a lesson is ridiculous. What would she have to gain by teaching Dany this lesson. Also we have no prove she went out of her way to harm Dany.

Khal Drogo killed himself. She told him what not to do while the herb is on him and he went against. She told them no one is to enter the tent while she was performing the rituals and Jorah brought Dany in still. That's not her fault. There’s no actual proof but just Dany bias and warp idea of things ( Just because it’s from Dany’s point of view doesn’t meant it’s factual. She’s grieving and her mind if looking for someone to place blame on) I just don’t like how she died and it’s really making it difficult to enjoy Daenerys.

Jorah Mormont : ⭐️

I don’t like him at all. He was selling slaves and he’s not even trust worthy. Am I hoping some misfortune fall on him? Yes, very much so.

Lysa Tully : ⭐️

She’s mental. I wanna see her ‘fly’. Her attachment to her son is weird. It’s very weird. Why is she still breastfeeding him. She weird.

Robert Baratheon : ⭐️

He’s a rapist, let’s be real. He’s an abuser and a neglectful father( I know it’s not his kids, but he didn’t know that) He’s an horrible king and he just shut his eyes to everything going on around him. Not to mention he’s obsessive. How are you obsessing over someone you didnt know. Also the 15 year old he got pregnant and then told Ned he doesn’t care about. Disgusting. The way he just fathers bastards and leave them to suffer. He probably knew Cersei killed his bastards and didn’t care. Yuck!

Sandor Clegane : ⭐️

I don’t care how traumatized he is, trauma is not an excuse to be an abuser or harm others. He needs to stay away from Sansa ( all these creepy and nasty men need to leave her alone) and I don’t want him near Arya either( In the show she was depicted has having a mentorship with him and I don’t want it). There’s nothing he can teach her, nothing I want him to teach her. He needs to go and find help and stay away from them. He’s a grown man that takes out his trauma on little girls and that’s disgusting. He’s disgusting.

[jackoshadows]

Why do you think there’s such a strong fixation on Jonsa? I watched the whole series and didn’t see it. I just finished A Game of Thrones and didn’t see it. I’m a big supporter of Jonerys (although I don’t think Kit and Emilia had very good on-screen chemistry but that was partially due to a bad script) but I’m very curious about the mindset going on with people who enjoy other Jon pairings. I can at least see where people are coming from with Jonrya even if I’ll never be able to see them as anything but siblings. They’re very close and think of each other often but at least in book one, Jon and Sansa’s relationship is non-existent. I guess Jon and Dany’s is even more non-existent, but the show at least planted a seed of what could be, and the same cannot be said of Jonsa

I think you are the nonnie who send me the Dany ask and I always hesitate to answer these (rather sensible and intelligent) asks because you have not finished reading the books and I hate to spoil the story for you 😂!

Have you read Pride and Prejudice? The equivalent of the Jonsa ship would be like shipping Darcy and Jane because one likes Jane Bennet and then argue that Darcy actually falls for sweet, gentle Jane and not Elizabeth and that Darcy/Jane is canonical. And if we disagree with this it’s because we are sexist Jane haters because Jane’s a girly girl. Absurd right? That’s pretty much the absurdity of Jonsa for book readers.

So why is Jonsa so popular? Briefly, Jonsa is the result of Sansa stans not liking the canon suitors the author has given the character in the books for various reasons. They want Arya's canonical relationship with Jon possibly turning into a romance for their favorite character Sansa or they want Jon and Sansa falling in love instead of any future romance between Jon and Dany. Which is why 80% of their blogs is devoted to tearing down Dany and Arya and involves an unrecognizable mess of a character they call Jon Snow.

Sansa is also the typical beautiful girl who is into romance and songs and fashion and knights, feasts and tourneys - that’s why she gets shipped with everyone. I think she’s the most shipped character in this fandom. And that’s always been a thing since this series started in the nineties. SanSan or Sansa/Sandor Clegane (The Hound) was one of the most popular ships of the series and GRRM has even commented on it.

[As an aside the funny thing is that GRRM is trying to subvert tropes and also write romance for the non conventional girls like Brienne and Dany and Arya (Lyanna is the equivalent of Helen of Troy and Arya is a mini Lyanna) and still this fandom disparages girls like Arya as being ‘male-coded’, ugly and undesirable.]

With the show, they totally ignored SanSan (Which makes sense considering Rory McCann was like 40 or something on the show and Turner is so young - the show cannot go where the books do in terms of these relationships) and instead gave Sansa the story of another tertiary character in the North. Combining characters meant that she got dumped into Jon Snow’s plot and now all of a sudden we have these two good looking actors Sophie Turner and Kit Harington sharing scenes and Jonsa is born (Despite their characters fighting and arguing in 90% of their scenes, and Sansa lying and betraying Jon).

Benioff and Weiss’ Sansa fanfiction meant that Sansa now gets all of Arya’s story beats and narrative themes on the show. And instead of treating it like a crack ship/AU fanfiction, they try to shove this ship into the books and attack anyone who tries to point out how absurd this ship is. And despite GRRM insisting that his story is different and going in different directions, they think that the garbage writing of the show is going to happen in the books

I would also like to point out that, from my experience in fandom, most Jon Snow fans don’t ship Jonsa. And I am talking about fans who genuinely like book Jon Snow. Not the one’s who claim to be a Jon fan and their blog is 90% about Sansa.These two characters have nothing to do with each other in the books!

Jonsa is a Sansa ship for and by Sansa stans. Jon is simply a prop there for Sansa to become QITN, get a direwolf Ghost, get her disney princess happy ending with ten babies. Their version of Jon Snow has nothing in common with the book character.

To refer back to my original P&P comparison, to make Darcy fall in love with Jane one would have to change Darcy’s entire personality.  If Darcy falls for Jane’s beauty and gentle nature instead of Elizabeth’s wit and intelligence, then that’s no longer Pride and Prejudice is it? That’s an AU version of Pride and Prejudice. Or fanfiction based on Pride and Prejudice.

A Darcy who falls in love with Jane Bennet is not the Darcy in the story Austen is writing. In the same way a Jon Snow who falls in love with Sansa Stark is not the Jon Snow in the story George R R Martin  is telling.  

For Jonsa shippers their Jon Snow will be repulsed by Arya Stark and does not care for her, only helps out his friends because they are stand ins for Sansa, is shallow and self-loathing because he thinks he’s not good enough for beautiful Sansa who ignored him because he’s a bastard and craves for the approval of the woman who abused him, Catelyn Stark.

In fact, the Jonsa fandom came up with one of the worst, most nonsensical iterations of Jon Snow I have ever seen in all my years in this fandom. Let me introduce you to the horror that is Political!Jon. You can google it.

Political!Jon is Littlefinger 2.0, a sociopath who will pretend to love Daenerys to get her dragons, deceive her and then kill her, all his true love Sansa Stark can become QITN. And oh, because he does not want his true love to take care of any undesirable bastards, political!Jon will also give Dany some moon tea to abort her baby - that’s abortion!Jon. And Jonsa shippers think that Jon Snow seducing a rape victim, stealing her children (the dragons), aborting her baby and then killing her for Sansa is all so romantic!!

And if not Jon Snow, then it will be Arya who will kill Dany. That’s the whole point of the sword Jon gave Arya - it’s not about their bond and their love and being symbolic of home and identity for Arya. No, Needle is so that Arya can kill Dany and Jon and Sansa can get together! Arya will then turn into a Jonsa cheerleader and fuck off into nowhere on a ship.

I have always compared the Jonsa shippers to the flat earthers of this fandom. Some of the most ridiculous and absurd theories have come out of that side of the fandom and debating with them is like debating with a wall. One can smush all the book text and quotes in their face and they will still be there talking about how Jon Snow loves Sansa because some snow fell on her face in one of the chapters....

[aceforwhatevenisthis]

for npmd ask game 1 2 13 15 (and any other ones you want to answer) 👀

1.Favorite song? 🎶

either Hatchet Town or Nerdy Prudes Must Die or Literal Monster or The Summoning or High School is Killing Me or Go Go Nighthawks or or or or

2. Favorite main character? 😍

definitely Steph i love her so much she's so cool and girlie was just trying to get through school you can't blame her

13. Favorite and/or funniest part of the show? 🫶🏻

funniest bit imo was the whole conversation about max between grace and her parents, her mom's face really did it for me i was SOBBING

favorite part tho? really hard to decide but currently i have this 2 second clip of wiggly stomping while aggressively shoulder shaking that's rotating in my head like a microwave

15. Favorite Lord in Black? 👻

haven't seen nightmare time at all so npmd and black friday are the only LIB stuff i got going for me but i think wiggly based on vibes (and because im obsessed with jon) or nibbly based on his design

[secondgenerationnerd]

In omega squad, what is a misconception about them?

As a whole—that they hate each other. They have a lot of big personalities and tempers and yeah they fight like cats and dogs, but they’re ride or dies.

Individually….

That Damian is unfeeling/can’t love. I think he loves very very deeply, he just has a hard time showing it.

That Jon is innocent to the point of being naïve. Have you met his mother? He asks questions and does his research

That Milagro is a ditzy girly girl. She’s confident in her femininity and that doesn’t take away from her intelligence or capability to do anything.

That Colin is stupid. He might not be book smart like the twins are, but he’s far from stupid.

That Mar’i is a slut or a cheater, mostly because of what she looks like/who her parents are. She isn’t. Just. She isn’t. It’s one of those things that people decide before they get to know her.

That Lian is a cold hearted bitch. Just like Damian she loves hard and loves deep, she just shows it differently

That Irey and Jai are both the happy go lucky pair with no issue. They have ptsd. They struggle with anxiety, depression, eating disorders.

[sometimesanalice]

Hello, Alexa!☺️

How are you?

A bit of a random Q, but! I remember you saying that the first fanfic you wrote

was ‘Oh Christmas Tree' and I was just wondering if there was any other fandoms

you ever thought about writing for? Even if you don’t want to publish them! :) An even more general question, what other fandoms would you say you're into?

I know it's a little random, but I just love hearing about other people's interests/loves! 🥰

(I’m sorry if you’ve answered these in some way before)

Have a lovely weekend!

Hi Bo!! 🌟 I'm so good! I'm having the best afternoon with some coffee and a treat from Trader Joe's and working on a fluffy oneshot! I hope you're doing well! I love seeing you pop in my inbox!

The call of Bradley with a pine tree allergy and getting his best girl a fluffy pink one was too strong for me to resist! It was such a new thing for me that I wrote the whole thing on the notes app on my phone, it didn't even cross my mind to open a word doc for it, lol.

It's such a funny thing that for the years and years that I've jotted down ideas and dialogue that I never once thought of actually sitting down and trying my hand at writing fanfic until last year!

More for you under the cut!

My first foray into fandom and fanfic was when I was a nugget out there wilding on fanfic.net and shipping Clark/Lana from Smallville and Padme/Anakin from Star Wars. (back when I didn't even know what shipping meant, lol)

In college, I didn't have much time to read books because of all the school work, so I turned to fanfic again and got really into The Hunger Games. Dandelion Peeta had my heart, and all the modern AUs really softened the dystopian angst. That fandom had so many truly terrific writers, ones that I still follow even today.

Which is how I ended up becoming a big The 100 girlie. Some of my favorite THG authors started posting and writing for a couple of the main characters on that show and I was hooked. (it's been a lot of fun to learn that some of my fav TGM babes were also the 100 babes, so we've trauma bonded over it, haha)

And let me tell you, I need to be financially COMPENSATED by the CW for the chokehold this man had on me for like 5 years. (the hair! the gravely voice! the chin dimple! the biceps! the grumpy king with a heart of gold!)

If I was going to write for another fandom, it would be that one. Bellarke (bellamy blake and clarke griffin) still has my heart. At the height of it, I was spending hours every day reading fic for them. The chemistry between them was bananas and every week I was waiting on baited breath for any little interaction between them. It's funny now because the actors are actually married now, haha! The show gave us crumbs and went out with such a tragic whimper, but the fandom and the incredible talent there is probably why I was so invested and still read fics about them on AO3.

When I reread my favorite series The Winners Trilogy by Marie Rutkoski I fall DEEP into an Arin/Kestrel spiral. It's such an underrated YA series that I'm pretty sure I've read every piece of fanfiction that's out there (which isn't nearly enough) at least 5 times.

There was a brief Jon Snow/Daenerys Targaryen GOT era, but it was short lived.

I also like the Darkling/Alina dynamic from Shadow and Bone. I read the series when the books first came out before the show, and wasn't particularly enamored with them as a couple. But then they had to go and cast the pretty bearded attention whore that is Ben Barnes and I had simply no choice but to ship, lol.

I always joke and say that I don't pick the hyperfixations, that they choose me. But it's really true. The 100 ended in 2020 and I didn't have anything really capture my attention in the same way until TGM. This is the first fandom that I've really participated in, like getting to know other people and creating content! And it's been so wonderful!

Oof! Well, this got out of control quickly, lol. This was such a fun ask to get! I haven't been asked before, so I really went off the deep end here giving you my full life fandom history, haha!

[bellysoupset]

omg i have a whole open concept plan for jon and leo’s apartment too 😭 im obviously an open concept girly lmaoo

i’ll show you both!!

i actually haven’t visualised luke and bella’s place much tbh, although idk why??🍄

TBH i've barely talked about Luke and Bell's place, just imagine TINY and not at all a place for a 6'2 giant and yet. It's definitely the type of house for just one person lol. Bella is dead in love with the place though, it'll break her heart when they do move out.

Jon and Leo's is so wild since its a Fancy AF floorplan, that I'm veeeery curious about what your vision is!!

[navree]

26. 22, 24 and 33? for asoiaf ask game

26. Favorite “problematic” ship

I'm sure any of the ships I have from F&B count as problematic because of, like, the incest, but you will be prying the various romantic dynamics between the Conquerors (well mostly the varying ways Aegon and Visenya felt about Rhaenys and the way she felt about them because Aegon and Visenya were never into each other) from my cold, dead hands. Also I really ship the show's version of Jorah/Dany, literally top tier OTP from me. Also for some reason Jonrya really hit the spot for me, I think it's because having Jon canonically go What do you know of my heart, priestess? What do you know of my sister? about Arya was an insane thing to do and my brain kinda ran with it.

22. A character so queer-coded you’d argue it to GRRM’s face

Visenya was a lesbian. I don't care what anyone says, Visenya was not even a little bit into any man ever and only ever saw Aegon as her little brother and the real love triangle was that she and Aegon were both into Rhaenys, I will argue this to God Himself if I have to, let alone George.

24. A ship that gives you the absolute ick

Rhaegar/Lyanna, because of my detestation for Rhaegar. Daemyra, especially show!Daemyra, because literally all their other romantic relationships are infinitely more interesting and romantic to me than their marriage. Dany/Drogo, due to the whole marital rape of it all. I don't like Jonsa at all, either version, because in general I don't care for Sansa as a character and in the show I really do not like her OR Jon.

33. A fancast that just IS a character

I mentioned this in another ask but some pre-series blogs have used Kirill Zaytsev and Kivanc Tatlituv as Aegon I fancasts and those have always really hit the spot for me. Henry Cavill is my go-to fancasts for two characters, Maegor when he's Witcher-fied and Orys Baratheon when we go off of The Tudors, and for me personally, Lily James as seen in the Cinderella remake just kinda is book!Daenaera Velaryon, my precious girlie.

[fantasticallyfruity4]

Some thoughts abt modern stranger things characters

Steve and Robbin going squishmallow hunting together

Steve would be a “I pretend I thrift but secretly just shop at urban” boy. Robin made him actually go thrifting with her once and he did NOT have a good time. He was a gaint bitch abt it

Jonathan loved instax instant cameras. He doesn’t give a fuck that they’re girly. The rest of the skittles squad find the coolest, weirdest film packs they can find on eBay for him. His favorites are the Sarino ones from El and will he got for Chanukah. He’s very sparing with using those boxes.

Nancy and platform Mary Janes. She’d be so obsessed. She’d be such a coquette core girlie.

Chrissy + warmies. YK the microwave heating pad stuffed animals? Yeah our soft little cutie queen would be obsessed. I also think chrissy was/is a horse girl but that’s just my vibe off her.

Jonathan makes everyone Spotify playlists. There amazing too he has such a varied taste. Unfortunately modern johnathan would be more obnoxious abt his love for the smiths than 80s! Jonathan is. He would also be SUCH a 1975 stan. Tumblr boy.

The idea makes me throw up in my mouth but season one Steve being a vloger. I know bleh.

Robin has a comedy tik tok account.

Her and Steve work in a game stop (I know what you’re thinking stop it) Steve doesn’t know shit abt any of the games he just likes Mario cart and animal crossing, he just works there bc Robin got him the job. Robin makes tik toks at work with Steve being a dingus in the background. The kids annoy the fuck out of him at work (he loves it). Him and el visit eachothers villages a lot.

LDR jargyle facetimeing all the time. They’ll FT from Jonathan’s hangouts with the rest of the gang 🥺

The party + marvel movies!!!!! Tell me El wouldn’t just *get* captain marvel?!?

Robin “every minor inconvenience is homophobic” Buckley.

Joyce is the kind of mom who buys all the “proud mom” shits at target in June and gets super excited with all the pride stuff in bullseyes playground and like,,, she’s just so genuinely excited abt all the little pride stuff. Will and Jon and el can’t even be embarrassed or cringe they’re just all *blushy* “thanks mom”. She’s just so genuinely excited to show them what he found every time. Pride flags in the lawn. I just love her okay she’s so good. She’s the “mom hugs at pride” type. Idk how to explain it maybe I’m projecting.

Honestly max and el are just the girls who consider target an exciting evening outing. It’s the ADHD dopamine seeking. Them, Robin and Nancy go on little impromptu girls target- Marshalls runs.

Let Dustin loose in a Spencer’s.

Nancy gets drunk and explains Taylor’s swifts discography at length and detail.

Give murry a Twitter, let him troll Republican politicians. He would have so much fun. My man deserves it he’d be great.

Dustin + quoting vines. That’s the whole thought.

These little bitches in a spirit Halloween.

[dontbipanicjonsa]

I’ve been reading Sansa fanfic and honestly I am so fucking tired. What is up with people making her out to be some selfish, mean, vindictive, I-don’t-even-fucking-know-what-else little kid????? Where the fuck does this come from???? What books are you reading?? 

How is it that in a book where characters are committing murder, rape, and even fucking baby exchanges, it is SANSA who needs to repent for her ‘crimes’?

Tell me again how Sansa is a shit person because of one mean thing she said to Arya in a fight but Jon, canonically called a ‘bully’ was the fucking paragon of good behavior as a child. Who’s gonna write the edgy Jon-was-a-pre-canon-bully fanfic huh?? That’s right. Fucking no one. Because we know Jon’s poor behavior at the Wall was driven as much out of his lack of awareness and appreciation of his privilege as it was by his struggle to reconcile the Wall of his dreams with reality. His behavior was an anomaly for him. 

Tell me again how Arya’s seeming class blindness in AGOT is so much better than Sansa’s raging classism. Who’s gonna say it was Arya’s fault Mycah got killed, because she didn’t recognize or appreciate her own privilege? Fucking no one. Because she’s nine, a child, and we’re not monsters.  

Sansa was selfish for expecting things that were already promised to her, but Arya wasn’t? Sansa is selfish for wanting to go to a tourney that’s being held in her father’s name. Sansa is selfish for expecting to be...married to her betrothed? Sansa is selfish for romanticizing/building up the life she is already expected to live? Sansa is selfish because she says Arya will ‘ruin everything’? Lemme tell you I have an older brother and I sure as fuck have ruined plenty of things for him as a kid stuff his friends lent him, that one time he went to watch some Hunger Game movie with his school friends and thought I would be mature enough to tag along and I really really wasn’t. That’s kind of what siblings do???? If Arya comes across as less ‘selfish’ than Sansa, then that’s because she’s hardly ever denied, and even when she is she’s made to understand why. Arya wants to learn to fight? Arya wants to flout expectations? Arya wants to take Syrio along on the ship? She gets it all. Is she selfish? NO. She’s a child. THEY ARE BOTH CHILDREN.

Sansa is mean, for having sibling fights with Arya? Never mind that she’s grieving the death of a part of her, Lady. Jon lashing out at the Wall may be an anomaly, but Sansa lashing out isn’t? WHY. Sansa is vindictive? Sansa who cried when fucking Joffrey dies? Sansa who is repeatedly described as sweet? Innocent? Courteous? 

When exactly is Sansa vindictive? When she doesn’t trust her father- who has been a pretty shit parent to her and fully deserves her distrust- to make the best decisions for her (as he hasn’t in the past) and decides to break one (1) rule in her life to...go to another adult to explain her problem? When she lashes out at Arya in her very valid grief because no one seems to give a flying fuck about helping her deal with it? When she utterly and absolutely ices out Tyrion, the fully grown Lannister man she has been forced to marry? Fuck you.

Ok no. I know. She’s power hungry. Just dying to be queen. I quake in my boots when I read her POV, honestly. Never mind that she is not the one who makes or even influences the decision to betroth her to the prince. (Alright she does in the show. But hey, Arya of the show is a misogynist, Jon is an absolute moron and Tyrion is the good guy so I won’t put a whole lot of stock in show characterization.) Never mind that Sansa’s desire to marry a ‘prince’ is driven more by her romanticizing  and wanting to have a life like the songs, and less to do with power. But nooo. Sansa wants to marry a lord even as late as ASOS. She’s willing to marry Willas because he’s a lord. 

Right. Because it is so much more terrible for a girl to want to marry a rich, powerful, upper class guy to get her out of her current shitty situation where she is utterly powerless, than it is for a slave owning girl to order the massacre of 13-years-old, upper class children. People forget that their fave wouldn’t be the character she is now if she hadn’t been married off to a powerful man all the way back in the first book, who unwittingly gave her a position of power of her own for the first time in her life. Or there wouldn’t be any dragons, there wouldn’t be any khaleesi. Isn’t that how patriarchy works??? Fuck Sansa for daring to want what Dany got- control over her own life via marriage. 

I’m just so tired. The point of Sansa’s character is that she’s empathetic. She’s soft. She’s polite and courteous. She’s nice to Sandor when he doesn’t deserve it. She calls Jon half-brother because that’s the politest term she can use. She stands up for others (Dontos, the people right before the riot, Tommen, fuck she even warns the Tyrells about Joffrey) even when she’s at her most powerless. She cries and feels bad and prays for her abusers. She’s unwilling to play ‘the game’. She chooses to continue to believe in and place value in the songs and stories as ideals that deserve to be lived up to in the midst of a harsh reality that has driven lesser people to nihilism and bitterness. This is who she is. To dismiss these things for the sake of making her out to be some mean and petty little girl is to misunderstand her entirely. 

But who would deign to lower themselves to the perspective of a pre teen girly girl anyway, right? 

[hiccanna-tidbits]

HICCANNA MONTH WEEK 1, DAY 6 - “I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO” “WE’LL FIGURE IT OUT” DRACULA DAILY AU

*Collapses in an exhausted heap and plops this on your dash* IT’S DONE IT’S FINALLY DONEEEEE

So anyways I was talking with @ohlooksheswriting about Dracula Daily and how Jonathan Harker has some of the biggest Anna Energy I have ever seen (i.e.  the appreciation of good food, the general desire to give people the benefit of the doubt perhaps a little more than is wise, politeness even in the most dire of situations, the aggressive focus on the positive in the face of imminent doom,   the general vibe of “ah no!!! I can't let my people down!!! Gotta push through even when things get dicey!!!”, whether it be with sketchy real estate deals or your sister accidentally freezing the kingdom etc etc), and there’s already some pretty suspiciously romantic undertones between Jon and Drac, so I was like “OMG Dracula Daily AU for Hiccanna Month??? DRACULA DAILY AU FOR HICCANNA MONTH???” And here we are XD

Fwiw I can totally see Hiccup being a loving househusband who spends his time nerding out over books on places he’s interested in, so it works, fight me. Also, I think Hiccup deserves to do the spooky little castle lizard crawl. As A Treat! And lawyer!Anna??? Immaculate. She has Elle Woods vibes and I intend to see her put them to full use. Anyways these two invented girlboss/malewife in this fic and I love that for them.

Not me legit doing an internet deep dive researching Transylvanian food for this, just so I could do justice to Anna’s foodie/generally-food-preoccupied tendencies XD That’s basically the only aspect of this I have any confidence is like...sort of accurate to the source material. Apologies in advance for any general anachronisms and/or inaccuracies in the way property attorneys and property law are portrayed here (property law practice was something admittedly a bit heavy to research for a fanfiction XD). I got most of my lawyer info from the Dracula emails themselves, and I tried not to use any anachronisms that don’t feel like they’d show up in Frozen or HTTYD themselves, so hopefully it reads all right. It prolly doesn’t feel as much like an old-timey period piece as I was hoping for, but hopefully I ensnared at least a little bit of the classic spooky gothic vibes. Idk.

I decided to try bolding instead of italicizing for emphasis to give the whole thing a more, like...“handwritten journal” feel? No idea if it worked, but I tried! XD (Also, in case you’re wondering, Anna starts off her journal entries with “Hi friend” because she considers her journal her friend!!!)

Is this more wholesome than the OG Dracula? Oh yeah, absolutely! Did I keep the impeccable comedy of the original book while swapping out the more horrific parts for a fluffest and angstfest of a romance that would probably make Bram Stoker turn in his grave? Definitely! Listen, I was too jam-packed with internalized misogyny to have a Twilight phase in 2008, so I gotta get that angsty vampire romance nonsense out of my system now before it consumes me. So something something AU of “what if the real-estate-buying vampire...wasn’t evil??? What if he was a sadboi instead???” Sometimes I get to have a few supernatural monster sadbois who get girlfriends anyways. As A Treat. Also yes, Anna caring more about workplace romances being unprofessional than dating a dude who sucks blood is the hill I will die on because a) it’s absolutely hysterical to me and b) it feels oddly in-character??? Girlie will give you the benefit of the doubt to ridiculous extents, but not if it gets in the way of important duties and responsibilities! She also has fried post-BAR brain so like. That doesn’t HELP--

So, without further ado, join me for this fun, wacky jaunt into the life of newly-certified lawyer Anna, going on a business trip to Transylvania and hoping to collect some local recipes for her two recently-engaged best friends! She hardly expects to be so taken with her first client’s eccentricities, nor did she ever dream that a rather inconvenient and unprofessional crush on him would blossom, but life is full of surprises! Featuring Merida and the Thorston twins as Count Haddock’s slightly-unhinged freeloading eternal roommates, and a little Jackunzel on the side--as a treat!!!

Not me thinking about how if I had the drive to make this a longer thing the endgame pairing would probably be Hijannunzel to pay homage to the shameless polyamory of the source material akbsahydgewoyvd

Fic under the cut! As always, moodboard pic credits available upon request!

***

May 15

Hi friend,

Anna Runeardsen here! Or should I say Certified Property Attorney Anna Runeardsen here!!! My god, I still can’t believe I passed the BAR. I passed the BAR!!! I PASSED THE BAR!!!

Anyways, you already know that. Duh. I’ve said it like 5 times already. I’m just still in shock. Like I go to law school like “let’s see what happens! Maybe I’ll flunk out!” but then I didn’t? And here I am! Those all-nighters took years off my life I’m never getting back, though. My brain still kind of feels like mamaliga.

Wow. I have a lot of news. I don’t really know where to start, because a ton of stuff has happened since I last wrote. Maybe I’ll start with the little things?

So first off, my god, the other night I had the BEST roast chicken!!! Literally so good!!! I don’t know what it is about the cooking here—maybe turning it over a blue fire gives it a slightly different flavor? I mean yeah, I don’t know for sure Count Haddock’s been cooking with those blue inferno circle things, but maybe that’s what gives it the kinda extra-savory, smoky flavor? Anyways, he gave me the recipe! Turns out he just used some salt and pepper and cloves and a bit of saffron and then drenched it in this olive oil mix. I’ll have to see if it tastes any different when I try making it back home in Oslo. I’ll add the recipe to the collection I’m giving to Jack and Punzie.

Can I just say, by the way, how GREAT that is going??? I’ve only been here a few days, and I’ve already got 5 recipes!! I’ve got mamaliga, paprika chicken, mititei, szekelyalmas, and the Count Haddock Roast Chicken Special! At this rate, I’ll have a whole bookful of them by the time I go back to Norway. Actually, I think I am gonna bind what I have into a nice little book, and give it to Jack and Punz as a wedding gift. It’ll be so exciting to make all this new food!!!

I still can’t believe Jack and Punz are finally getting married, honestly. Took him long enough to propose! I seriously thought I was going to have to fail and retake the BAR a few more times, and THEN maybe they’d finally be engaged. Right before the big boss man sent me out on this special mission, Punzel told me Jack stumbled up to her by the fountain in her estate garden and just started rambling incoherently. He pulled out the ring, and his hands were shaking so badly that he dropped it in the fountain??? So Rapunzel sees and she notices Jack was doing really bad at the whole talking thing just then, so she diffuses the tension by saying “well, if we’re wishing on things we’re throwing in the fountain, I wish you’d marry me!” And then she picks up the ring and proposes to HIM with it!!! Let me tell you, it was a whole thing. I really have to work on that maid of honor speech when I get the chance. They’re my two best friends in the world, and I want to do them justice!!!

But back on the topic of food! Did I mention Count Haddock does all his own cooking? I think he’s kind of embarrassed about it because he keeps pretending like he has a whole kitchen staff. When he gave me the roast chicken recipe, he said “here, let me go fetch it from the chef” and ran off into the hall, but…then I heard him doing this thing where he was like…stepping more and more quietly to make it seem like he was getting farther away? And then I could have sworn I heard him scribbling something? Anyways, he gets back with the recipe and there is no WAY he had time to go all the way down to the kitchen.

I don’t know what his deal is. The boss would probably say it’s a rich person thing. I don’t know why they’re so ashamed about cooking??? I mean, I’m not RICH rich or anything, but I’ve cooked loads of times and I never developed the black plague or leprosy or what have you. And look at Rapunzel—her family is drowning in money, and she still plays around in the kitchen! She loves keeping busy and hanging out with the kitchen staff, but it doesn’t make her any less of a fancy lady.

I’ve been trying to get Count Haddock to open up about his cooking. Just, you know, raving about how good it is, compliments to the chef, et cetera et cetera, in sort of a wink-wink-nudge-nudge kind of way. A lot of the men back home really brighten up when I shower them with compliments, so I was hoping Count Haddock would do the same. Sometimes the fellows back home will even try to one-up you and start gloating about their accomplishments if you compliment them enough! Not Count Haddock, though. He seemed really nervous, and just mumbled that he’d be sure to tell all that to the cook. I DO think I saw him blushing, though??? Kind of hard to tell—his skin is this pale whitish, and it turned kind of grayish for a second. I wonder why his blood looks so weird. I shouldn’t pry, though.

Count Haddock is actually SUCH a sweet host, and I wish he wouldn’t be so self-conscious about it! Like I’m not going to judge him for not having servants. I think it’s admirable how hard he works, doing everything himself! Did you know I caught him making my bed the other day? GOD, so many men I know wouldn’t be caught dead doing “woman’s work” or “commoner’s work” or whatever. He’s so humble!!! He really wants me to be comfortable, even if he has to do all the work on his own. Imagine what a thoughtful and attentive husband he would make! It’s not every day you find a man who’s willing to help with the housework without complaining every step of the way.

I MEAN—

God, I shouldn’t be talking like this. He’s my client, for god’s sake, and I have to keep our relationship professional. The entire firm is counting on me succeeding!!! But sometimes I—well, I don’t know. He keeps leaving these little mints on my pillow, and even the nicest places I’ve stayed don’t do that. I mean, they give me maybe 1 mint when I check in or something, but not every night or anything like that. He’s so consistent!!! Sometimes the mints even have a little chocolate coating, and I have to wonder if he remembers me saying I’m really into chocolate?

Maybe it’s just a coincidence. Either way, it’s a nice gesture.

Count Haddock is honestly such an interesting person. Unusual, but like…in the best kind of way. He’s so into Oslo—has a whole shelf of books about it and everything. I came in the other day and caught him reading…an Oslo train schedule??? A little boring for my taste, but it’s nice to see someone with an appreciation for our public transportation systems. They’re not half bad, if I do say so myself.

I started talking to him in the library the other day, and the time completely got away from me. I just got so swept up in the conversation, and he was so excited, telling me all the things he learned from his books about Oslo and recounting some of his old family stories. Did you know Norway is apparently his ancestral home? He said his ancestors used to tame dragons there!!! DRAGONS!!! They’ve been extinct for hundreds of years now, as far as I know, but Count Haddock’s ancestors saw them with their own eyes! It’s crazy. I think that’s part of why he wants to move to Oslo. To him, it feels much more like his homeland than Transylvania does.

I asked how he ended up in Transylvania, and he got really sad—completely crushed, honestly. I felt so bad—I told him we could drop the topic if he wanted. But he said it was fine, saying it was only natural to be curious. Apparently there was some huge war in Scandinavia all those years ago, and his ancestors and their dragons fought side by side. Then a terrible evil guy named Drago Bludvist found a way to control the dragons and possessed them all to leave Count Haddock’s ancestors and their village. One of his ancestors was the next in line to be chief, and his dragon was killed in battle. His spirit was too broken to continue fighting after that.

It was a little weird—he looked so downtrodden and miserable when he talked about his ancestor’s dragon dying. If I didn’t know better, I’d say HE was the one who lost a dragon. That would be ridiculous, though—no one lives to be THAT old. I guess he feels like…really intimately connected with his past family, and all their pains and struggles. It’s kind of inspiring, in a weird way—if not a little atypical.

Anyways, he says with their dragons gone, his ancestors were overwhelmed by Bludvist’s armies and had to flee. Considering all the literal dragons this Bludvist guy had at his disposal, no surprise, I guess, that he was able to chase them all the way across the continent. The only place they could find to hide was tucked away in these imposing-looking mountains, where they eventually built a fortress of sorts. They’ve been there ever since—well, Count Haddock has, anyways. He’s the last of his family’s descendants, and the rest of his ancestors’ village dispersed long before he was born.

Seems lonely, honestly. I asked him how he managed, with no family to keep him company, and he claims the servants are company enough. That just made my heart hurt, since I know damn well he doesn’t have a single staff member waiting on us. Seems to me like Count Haddock’s been alone for longer than he’d care to admit, and he doesn’t want to admit how painful isolation can be.

Anyhow, he told me about all kinds of fascinating things, and just—his eyes were shining so bright and he was so giddy and so excited and he was grinning so big (yeah, I know I should probably be concerned about the fact that two of his top teeth are honed into these long, sharp points that don’t look very natural…but they look so pretty when he smiles!!! How can I hate them???) and I couldn’t bear to stop him. Then, before I knew it, it was morning already! Can you believe I was up all night talking to him? It really only felt like a few minutes! Went a lot faster than all the nights I had to stay up studying, that’s for sure.

Well, anyhow, Count Haddock said he had to take care of some business when the sun started to come up, and…wow. As soon as I left, the exhaustion decided to come back from lunch—or wherever it skipped off to when the Count was with me. The distinct feeling of numbing, on-the-brink-of-death emptiness and muddy swamp brain I remember from my exam-taking days hit me like one of those trains Count Haddock is all too fond of. I decided to take a nap, and I feel a lot better now.

Can I tell you something, friend? I know I shouldn’t be saying this. It’s probably really out of line, considering Count Haddock is a man of class and high status and all, but…okay, I’ll say it. (I know you won’t tell.) I’m worried about him. Sometimes I hear him letting out plaintive wails in the middle of the night, when I guess he thinks no one is listening. Or shuffling down the halls, looking sullen and miserable and muttering about what a terrible monster he is. I’m a little surprised—I mean, the men back home ARE embarrassed when they have to do housework or kitchenwork, but I’ve never seen any of them spiral into such a vat of self-loathing over…I don’t know, making a bed and cooking a chicken, that they call themselves a MONSTER over it. Seems a little rude to the people who actually DO do those kinds of menial things for a living, but maybe I’m misinterpreting what’s going on here. Maybe he’s talking about something else. You have to be open to a number of different scenarios when you’re looking for an explanation—in my line of work, at least.

Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s not as bad as he thinks. Take it from me—sometimes you’re so sure you’re the worst person in the world and totally not good for anything, and then you graduate law school and pass the BAR!!! Count Haddock is a kind man, and he shouldn’t be so hard on himself for being unconventional. He’s a fantastic homemaker, a charming conversationalist, and an excellent cook! What could he hate about himself so much?

There IS one thing that’s a tad off-putting, but it’s probably not too big a deal.

The other night, I went out to find him—mainly just to tell him that I think he’s wonderful and appreciate his hospitality. I don’t know how long he’s been alone in here, and since he seems to regard himself so poorly…well, I don’t know how long it’s been since someone said something nice to him. I intend to change that! Everyone deserves to feel good about themselves, even when they live alone in a kind of creepy castle in the middle of nowhere and cover up weird things about their household activities and close their eyes whenever I get a cut and constantly look at my crucifix necklace weird.

Anyways, so I stopped to admire the view out one of the castle windows, and then I saw a head pop out a window a little ways below. Didn’t take long to realize it must be Count Haddock—I think I’d know those wiry, well-built shoulders and that luscious mop of dark hair anywhere. He’s hard to miss.

So he puts one of those thin, elegant hands of his (look, he gestures a LOT when he talks—I’ve become very familiar with the way his hands look. I’m not being weird or anything.) on the castle wall, and sort of…pulls himself out of the window? And then before I know it, he’s stuck all his hands and feet on the stones and is clinging like a gecko. I kind of wonder if his ancestors’ dragons infused him with reptilian powers or something. So then he scuttles down the wall, and his cloak is blowing every which way, and it was VERY weird to watch. I stood there for a really long time trying to process what—pardon my French—the FUCK just happened.

That said! I don’t think being able to walk on walls is EVIL, it’s just…kind of unsettling? I want to ask him what’s up with that. But I also wonder if that’d be too nosy. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to see?

Oh well. If this is all Count Haddock is upset about, then I think it’s fine. I wish there was a way to tell him it’s not scary. I think it’s an amazing ability, personally! (So lucrative if you want to go rock-climbing, especially.) If a little…odd. Still, I want him to know it doesn’t make him a monster, no matter what anyone else says.

May 18

Hi again friend,

Wow, do I have news!!! Some of it’s sort of disquieting, but some pretty good, so…net positive?

So the good news is that I’m pretty sure Count Haddock is into me. Like…into me into me. You know what I mean. (I’m not holding my breath for a ring or anything, since I know it took months of formal courting for Jack to pop Punzie the question! But I just have a feeling??? I don’t know, I could be entirely off-base. Like a court case red herring or something.) The bad news is that Count Haddock has some…friends? Roommates? Some guys who live in his castle and definitely want to eat me. No, I will not elaborate on that.

Just kidding! I absolutely will elaborate. It’s literally my job! I PASSED THE BAR!!! I rant to people about laws and logic for a living!!!

Anyways, do you remember those locked rooms Count Haddock told me to avoid? Because of ghosts or something? I mean yeah, I guess I can understand how spirits would be a safety concern, but I figured logistically, how bad could they be? I mean, they try to punch me or kick me or bite me or what have you, and it’ll go through me, right? And according to some of the books I’ve perused in the library, the worst ghosts can do is like…knock a cup over here and there. Well, I’ve seen Jack’s cats knock mugs and glasses over plenty of times, and I lived to tell the tale! If the ghosts come for me, this property attorney is READY.

So all this to say I got pretty bored, and I, uh. I may have gone creeping around in the rooms Count Haddock told me not to. Whoops. To be fair, I normally wouldn’t have, and just sought out Count Haddock for company, but he was running errands.

I don’t know if I mentioned, but he asked me if I could stay a little longer so I could help him learn Norwegian. He speaks mostly Transylvanian, and a little Old Norse, too. Pretty impressive his ancestral language was passed down through the family for this long! He told me his parents taught him as a kid but got kind of weird and evasive when he started talking about his childhood. I don’t know why—maybe he’s self-conscious about knowing such an old language? He doesn’t need to be. Lots of people have ancient dialects passed down through their family lineages, I’d bet!

Anyways, I wrote a letter to Jack and Rapunzel and the big boss man telling them I was staying a bit longer and assuring Jack and Punz I’d be back in time for the wedding. Count Haddock said he’d run all the letters to the post office to save me the trouble—such a gentleman!—although he grabbed all the envelopes in his teeth and gecko-ran down the wall again when he thought I wasn’t looking. I mean, I don’t mind when he does this—it’s kind of morbidly fascinating to watch, actually—but I do have to wonder why he doesn’t just use the front door.

So the hours sort of dragged by, and I guess I’ve read basically all I can in the library. Everything else is in Old Norse or Transylvanian, and I mean…it’d be nice to learn a couple new languages, but I don’t think I could do it in one night, you know? And okay, against probably my better judgment, I decided to go check out this ghost business. How bad can it be? It’ll spice things up a little, at least!

Heh. Spice. So many nice spices here! Did I mention that Count Haddock made the most delicious mititei the other night? It’s these little meat rolls with sour cream inside and all this paprika, saffron, and cloves sprinkled on it, and I LOVE IT!!! Really, if Count Haddock didn’t have all that old family money, I’d suggest he go into hospitality or the cooking business or something. Punzel’s an amazing cook, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t think she’s ever made me stuff this good. Am I a bad friend for saying that…? Maybe I’m just a little preoccupied, since Count Haddock is so…I don’t know…

Oh, right. I was talking about the ghost adventure. Well, it didn’t actually turn out to be a ghost adventure, but it sure was…something.

So anyways I was bored out of my head, so I wandered around and tried a bunch of the doors. This one was actually unlocked, and it led into this big fancy room with all these couches and tables and stuff—maybe a parlor or something?—and this HUGE panoramic window!!! Like I could see the whole SKY and all this silvery, moon-washed forest and hills and landscape and I am here to tell you it was EPIC. It’s times like those that I wonder if this is actually the best business trip ever, despite the lizard-walking and the weird lack of servants and that one thing Count Haddock does around mirrors where he sort of tears up and runs away.

I found this one nice velvety green loveseat-looking thing, and I wiped the dust off (only a little bit—victory!) and just laid on it for awhile and admired the view. It was kind of relaxing, taking in the nightscape and the moonlight and feeling this weird kind of peace. Ironic, since this castle seems like it SHOULD give me the major creeps, but…I guess in that moment, it really didn’t. It felt almost like…home. Is that weird?

Probably. I feel like I should be more concerned about the fact that I don’t really mind not having seen the sun for a while. How long has it been? A week? Two weeks? Ah, well—it’s not like I can’t remember what daylight looked like. Granted, my memory historically hasn’t been the best, and I probably wouldn’t have passed the BAR without lots of…whatever Ingrid Olsen was slipping me, but I can remember what’s important, okay?! Or not important, maybe, so much as like…things that don’t make me feel like I’m drowning in information. Point being, I’m not forgetting how sunlight looks anytime soon, so I can just file that away in my brain and focus on the moon right now. Or at least that was my train of thought last night.

I think I must’ve dozed off, because the next thing I knew, I heard these voices drifting over from the corner. My first thought was “ah, great, how am I gonna tell the big boss man that I’ve lost it??? That’ll be so bad for business!” But the voices seemed way too distinct for my brain to have made them up. I mean, one of them had this really thick Scottish accent! Why would my brain randomly make up a Scot living in Transylvania?! It doesn’t make any sense. And if there’s one thing they taught me in law school, it’s that MOST things have a rational explanation behind them, and the occasional completely illogical nonsense is the exception rather than the rule, etc etc.

Anyways, I kind of slowly sat up to see what was going on, but I tried to be inconspicuous about it. I didn’t know who these people were, and I mean…just because Count Haddock lives in a creepy castle and is really nice doesn’t mean EVERYONE who lives in a creepy castle is going to be really nice, you know?

Besides, I was like, are these people even supposed to be here?! Count Haddock never mentioned living with anyone besides servants, and these people didn’t look like servants. They seemed to all be fancy ladies—well, it was a little hard to tell in just grayish moonlight, but the Scottish lady had this huge, luxurious mane of red curls, and the other two had this long, shiny blonde hair. And they didn’t really hold themselves like the common folk would, I don’t think. Does Count Haddock have a bunch of aristocratic squatters?! How did they even get in here, with all the locked doors???

I probably don’t need to tell you, but I really didn’t trust these strange girls. I mean, I study property law—I KNOW you have to be careful with squatters. I decided to eavesdrop for a while, just to figure out what was going on. Here’s what I got:

Scottish Lady: I’m telling you two, he wouldn’t have let her wander in here if he didn’t want us to have a little scran!

Blonde Lady #1: Ugh, you’re so stupid. Isn’t he doing a property deal with her or something? He probably doesn’t want her sucked yet.

Scottish Lady: Wait. THAT’S the lawyer?!

Blonde Lady #2 (who actually had a pretty deep voice, so come to think of it…was probably actually a guy with long hair??? My mistake): So what? Lawyers are a dime a dozen! We drain this one, and the head lawyer guy in the firm will just send another one.

Scottish Lady: You gommy! What are we going to tell him, ‘Ah, our bad one of your employees mysteriously vanished while staying in our castle! We’ll do better with the next one, we promise!’

Blonde Guy: Sounds like Hiccup’s problem, not ours. He’ll be fine, he can reason with anyone. And didn’t you JUST say we should suck her?

Scottish Lady: Yeah, but I didn’t know that’s the property lady! I thought she was just some village lass he charmed in here.

Blonde Guy: In THAT kind of business casual?

Blonde Lady: Ugh, I don’t CARE anymore. She’s starting to look too delicious for me to care what Hiccup thinks. He can find himself another lawyer.

Scottish lady: Maybe you’re right. A quick little slurp couldn’t hurt.

Blonde Guy: Yeah, that’s the spirit! We’ll leave enough for her to sell us the land plot or whatever.

Blonde Lady: Aw, Thor, YES! Dinnertime! Uhhhh, someone else go first, though. I don’t want to get thrown out the window again.

I really had no idea why they were talking about me like I was some kind of fancy buffet, but I decided I didn’t want to stick around to find out. I tried to slink out while they were bickering, but these people were alarmingly fast. I’d barely started to get up before they suddenly surrounded the couch, the blondes on either end and the Scottish lady eyeing me up in a way I was not super crazy about.

“Oh, beautiful young lass!” she purred. She climbed on top of me before I could even move, and before I knew it, she was straddling me. I pretty much froze up because I mean…no one is EVER that forward with me that fast, let alone strange women I’ve just met. Also I mean. I’ve never given much thought to liking women like THAT. I mean…I guess I’m not opposed, and maybe what happens in weird Transylvanian castles can stay in weird Transylvanian castles, but the fact remained that I didn’t even know this lady’s name and she was already looking at me like she wanted to…I don’t know. Do things not really discussed in polite society.

“Our hair matches. How about that?” she said, in kind of this thick, breathy voice. She picked up a lock of my hair and twirled it between her fingers, pressing it up against her own curls. They were in fact pretty close in color. But, man, was that awkward. I’m not super stingy about my personal bubble or anything, but that was a little much. Like, not because she’s a lady or anything—that part I was strangely okay with. More because I only met her five minutes ago (if you can call this making someone’s acquaintance), and also the metaphors comparing me to dinner weren’t my favorite.

She leaned down and whispered in my ear “you know what else is a very pretty shade of red?” I wasn’t sure I wanted to find out. But did I have much choice at that point?

That’s about when she lowered her face to press it against my neck (which I might have been into otherwise, but for god’s sake, we were NOT at that point yet!). Then I felt two very sharp teeth piercing into the skin just below my jawline.

I barely had time to start panicking before this huge roar shook the room, louder and fiercer than the dragons I’ve read fairy tales about. OR the ones Count Haddock described.

Then someone’s hand was around the Scottish lady’s neck, and she was being yanked into the air. I saw this flash of green eyes and white fangs, and that’s when I realized.

God, it was Count Haddock. And I had NEVER seen him that furious before. It seemed like every part of him was radiating rage. He was tensed up like a panther ready to spring, his eyes all flaming malachite and his teeth bared like a wolf’s. He took the Scottish lady and slammed her against the wall, hissing.

I honestly never imagined he was that strong, what with those skinny limbs of his. Some kind of adrenaline rush helped, I imagine.

I was stunned. I couldn’t say anything—I just laid there. Count Haddock was friendly, but I never knew he cared so…passionately about my safety. It’s flattering, thinking back on it. At the time, though…well, I’ll admit I was a little taken aback.

“Great Odin’s ghost, what is WRONG with you?!” he spat. “Attorney Runeardsen is our guest, and this is NOT how we treat guests! You dare lay so much as a FINGER on her when I’ve told you to leave her be?!”

The Scottish lady choked, and Count Haddock threw her at the blonde lady. They both stumbled back, the blonde man scurrying over to hide behind them.

“What, you let your little pet go wandering about the castle, and you’re surprised when we think she’s free for the taking?” the Scottish lady said scornfully.

Count Haddock stepped in front of the couch, shielding me from his three strange cohabitors. I saw he was so angry he was shaking, and he had to run a hand along the wall to steady himself, His fingernails dug into the wood like claws, and left long gougemarks.

I hadn’t noticed before then how sharp his nails were. Maybe seeing those two pointed front teeth so often desensitized me to sharp things on Count Haddock’s person. Maybe I should have been more alarmed. Truth be told, though, in the moment I was glad he was pulling the intimidation card on my behalf.

“She’s not my pet,” he snarled at his cohabitors. “She’s my business associate. If any of you so much as LOOK at her again, there’ll be hell to pay. You want Ms. Runeardsen, and you’ll have to go through me.”

“What’s so special about her?” the blonde lady griped. “She’s just a property lawyer! Can’t you get another one?”

“Yeah! We’re hungry!” the blonde man added crossly. “You haven’t brought us anything to eat in two weeks.”

I remember thinking, huh. They don’t look too worse for wear, for not having eaten in a fortnight.

Count Haddock scoffed. “A lot of business you have complaining when you three haven’t paid rent in 400 YEARS! I’ve been sharing my home with you, letting you freeload century after century, and THIS is how you thank me?!”

“Oh, here we go again, with the rent lecture,” the Scottish lady complained.

“Yeah, when are you gonna let that go, man?” the blonde man demanded.

“I’ll let it go when your lazy behinds start getting your OWN meals,” Count Haddock shot back, starting to sound tired.

“Why ARE you so enamored with that lawyer, anyways?” the blonde lady asked.

“Oooooohhhh!” the blonde man sneered. “Hiccup’s in looooove!”

The Scottish lady let out a harsh cackle. “Don’t be daft, both of you. He can’t love any more than we can. Not anymore.”

“Speak for yourself.”

Count Haddock’s voice softened, the anger and frustration seeming to drain out. He turned to face the three freeloaders, and I caught a glimpse of the side of his face.

His expression was tense, and his eyes were glistening in the darkness. He looked almost…sad.

“Maybe you’ve decided you can’t love anymore,” he said quietly. “But I’m not so sure.”

His whole body suddenly looked so crumpled and broken, and more than anything I just wanted to hold him. Sweep myself under that dark green cape of his and wrap my arms around his waist and tell him everything was going to be okay and he wasn’t unlovable and that I’m so grateful he probably saved my life. But with everything happening so fast, and his three creepy friends so close by, I just…I still couldn’t move.

“So, what?” the blonde man whined. “We don’t get any dinner? You promised!”

Count Haddock sighed. “FINE. You really don’t deserve it, after that horrifying stunt you pulled, but dinner’s in the bag.”

He walked over to the door and grabbed a large bag he had left there, slinging it over his shoulder. As he came back, I noticed something long and mangled sticking out of the top.

It was—and I wish I was joking—a human arm.

I thought all that talk of sucking and slurping and eating me was some kind of bizarre metaphor, but I guess not. Count Haddock and his friends, evidently, actually do eat people.

I guess my brain decided that was enough stress for one night, because the next thing I knew, I blacked out.

When I woke up, I was in my own bed. Pretty sure I didn’t sleepwalk all the way back here, so the only thing I can figure is that Count Haddock carried me. It’s vague, but the last thing I remember before I passed out is feeling his arms scooping under my legs and shoulders.

He must’ve carried me like a bride. Like Jack is going to carry Rapunzel after their wedding this summer. And all the way down the hall, too. And then he tucked me into bed and blew out the candles.

The thought shouldn’t make me blush as much as it does. I know it’s unprofessional. (Not to mention he also eats people.) But something about him…

The more I came to, the worse it got. As in, I realized he also left a glass of water on my bedside table and a platter of little mints and fresh Belgian chocolates, folded all my clothes on the floor and put them on a nearby chair (look, it is HARD keeping my room tidy, okay?!), and even changed me into a nightgown. All these little favors for me while I’m not even conscious, on top of keeping me safe from those strange roommates of his? How are you supposed to maintain a “strictly professional” relationship with—well, with someone like THAT? Someone who treats you so softly, and senses your needs better than you can, and is willing to unleash the wrath of a thousand ravenous beasts on anyone who may wish you harm? I mean yes, I should check up on what exactly the cannibalism situation is, but other than that…

I don’t know. Call me a naïve, wide-eyed sap, and a sorry excuse for a certified property attorney, but I don’t know if I can be “just colleagues” with Count Haddock. Something in me tells me we’re meant for something more.

Is that stupid? Probably. Nonetheless!

Human-flesh-eating aside, could you ask for a more perfect man??? I think not!

May 20

Hi friend,

Okay, SO. Hiccup finally told me what’s actually going on.

Yes, Hiccup! Uh…so Count Haddock and I are on a first name basis now. But more on that later.

So it all started when he called me in for dinner. So much good stuff last night, let me tell you—there was this kind of fried pancake thing called clătite brașovene, covered in batter and with beef, mushrooms, and breadcrumbs inside. It tasted amazing!!! He also made me this stuff called “robber steak,” and you really HAVE to try it—bacon, onion, and beef, red pepper seasoning, what’s not to love??? It reminded me so much of the little kebabs you can buy on the street back in Oslo! You know, the ones you give to the cats?

I got so excited when I saw the kebabs that…I think I squealed? Kind of unprofessional, but oh well. Probably so is lizard-walking down walls on all fours and feeding human bodies to your roommates, so Hiccup’s not in a place to judge. Anyways, I DID get a little embarrassed, and I guess I expected him to look amused, but he just seemed…sad?

And I couldn’t help it, I told him how much his robber steak reminded me of all the cats I buy street food for (and there are a lot…Jack’s always teasing that I’m going to blow through my first real paycheck buying dinner for every stray in Oslo), and how it felt like a little piece of home. And I swear, I think he teared up at that.

His tears weren’t…clear was the thing. It kind of looked like there was a little blood in them? He wiped them away too quickly for me to really tell. Anyways, his voice got curt and he corrected me, saying it wasn’t HIS robber steak but his COOKS’, and I shouldn’t group him in with commoners, etc etc. It sounded stilted, though, like he was rehearsing a script. And he wouldn’t meet my eyes as he said it.

He started to leave—and yes, I’ll admit it was a little undignified, but I called after him and asked him to stay for dinner. Not even to eat (seeing as he somehow always manages to eat before me), but just for company. It gets so lonely here, and he really did seem so melancholy. I thought maybe if we had an engaging conversation, we could perk each other up!

But he rushed off, saying he had to make dessert—and then immediately correcting himself that no, the COOKS had to make dessert. And he was gone, and, as usual, I had to eat my clătite brașovene and my robber steak in silence.

It was a long time before he came back. I was starting to doubt he would, thinking “dessert” was just an excuse to leave. Nonetheless, I waited at the table after I finished, admiring the paintings on the wall. Mostly portraits of sophisticated-looking young men, all in varying styles of dress from different time periods. Count Haddock’s ancestors, I assume—although oddly enough, all these men looked exactly like him. There were some pictures of those three strange people I ran into the other night—recent commissions, probably. And, of course, your standard gorgeous hill, forest, mountain, and river scenery—all landscapes in daylight, I noticed.

For as often as Count Haddock stays up all night, he doesn’t have many paintings of nightscapes, or the moon and stars. I guess he figures if he wants to see those, he can just look outside.

I was so wrapped up in the dining room art gallery that I started when the door opened. And there he was after all, holding a platter with some kind of cake on it.

I think it was meant to be…cozonac? It was hard to tell, honestly, because the whole thing was kind of flat and saggy and odd-looking—and when he cut it open, it was a mess of walnuts and melted chocolate that just sort of oozed out everywhere. It didn’t look anything like the pictures I’ve seen, but I’ll tell you what—it DID look delicious.

“I made this for you,” he said. No correction, no last-minute insistence that it was the kitchen staff. He swallowed hard and seemed to force himself to meet my eyes. He was fully owning up to producing this dessert that loosely resembled a cake, and I thought that was beautiful.

“You’ve been a great guest, and really helpful, and you’ve taught me so much about Oslo and Norway,” he added. “And I wanted to make you something with chocolate. Just, uh. I hope you like it.”

He started to back away, a little less quickly than he had with dinner. He hesitated, glancing from the table to the door like he couldn’t decide whether he should leave.

I chanced my input again. “Count Haddock, won’t you stay?”

And that’s when he sat down, smiling at me so softly that I felt warmer than the sun could ever make me. I don’t think the sharpest front teeth in the world could have made it any less beautiful.

“Call me Hiccup,” he said. “And yes. I’d like to stay this time.”

He cut me a piece of cozonac-ish cake, and was silent as I began to eat. When he did speak, his voice came out as this like…ashamed mumble, almost.

“I haven’t been honest with you.”

I was tempted to tell him that was obvious, but that seemed rude. I kept eating my dessert and looked at him expectantly.

“There…aren’t any kitchen staff, Anna. I wanted you to think I was some…normal, dignified nobleguy, with prestige and class and all that. Just your average member of the gentry, not…well, whatever the townsfolk say I am. But there aren’t any cooks. I’ve been preparing all your food myself.”

I barely managed to keep myself from laughing, and nearly choked on the cake in the process. “Hiccup,” I got out, fighting to keep my voice level. “I know.”

He gave me a weird look. “Wait. You do?”

“You’re not exactly subtle,” I told him. “And I know you’ve been making my bed and cleaning my room and leaving little gifts on my table. I think it’s endearing, and you’re without a doubt the BEST host I’ve ever had. You shouldn’t be so embarrassed just because this sort of thing is below your station, usually. Only the humblest AND noblest of men would work this hard to help a guest feel welcome.”

His cheeks darkened, and he looked away. “I mean—well, I DO appreciate that. But that isn’t the only thing you should know.”

And that, dear friend, is when I learned the whole truth. The full, would-be-court-approved testimony.

The Haddock story didn’t end with them fleeing Scandinavia and disappearing into Transylvania for the next several generations. Drago Bludvist was relentless, and he wasn’t about to let the foes who made his conquests so difficult get off easy. He slaughtered most of the Haddocks’ village and hunted down the survivors, ambushing them just when they finally thought they fled far enough.

The only ones to survive the second assault were the Haddock son and two of his friends. And this Bludvist guy, well…apparently, he had a pretty twisted sense of humor. He got a powerful warlock ally of his to put a terrible curse on all three, trapping them in a limbo where they could never age, supernaturally strong and fast forever (not bad perks honestly), but they had to subsist off human blood to survive and could never be in sunlight without getting burned. And so they found someplace out of the way, somewhere to hide from everyone who called them monsters.

Hiccup was crying by the time he finished the story. And I knew I wasn’t imagining it this time—there WAS blood in those tears.

And that’s about when I figured it all out. The pictures—they were all of HIM. He was the one who lost his dragon to Bludvist’s armies. And he was the last Haddock son, cursed with the worst kind of eternal life. Centuries old.

I thought he was being hyperbolic the other night, when he said his three roommates haven’t paid rent in 400 years. I guess not?

In any case, I couldn’t deny it any longer. I knew then that he was hungry for my blood. I knew then that he constantly must fight the urge to kill me, every instinct in him screaming at him to rip me apart. But I also knew then, without a shadow of a doubt, that no part of him WANTED to be that way.

I mean, I’m an attorney, for god’s sake. I can recognize fake crying when I see it.

And this boy had lost everything. His family. His tribe. His draconic best friend. His fiancé.

(I really don’t know why I still feel so weird about him having a fiancé several centuries ago. I guess it didn’t occur to me he might, although it shouldn’t be surprising—he’s an attractive man! Still, thinking about it makes me feel…uneasy for whatever reason. Funny how that’s eating at me more than him literally having to eat people to live, huh?)

That’s about when he confessed what I suspected all along: He was terribly lonely, locked away from the sun and the city and forced to live this kind of parasitic life. I can’t say whether he was venting in the heat of the moment, or if he had been working up the courage to admit this to me. Whatever the case, it only seemed to make him crumple more.

And I couldn’t help it, friend—something in me gave way. I don’t think I’d ever seen someone look so lost, and…shattered. In that moment, I decided “strictly business” etiquette could go to hell—if someone’s in immense distress, who am I not to help?!

So, in only the most unprofessional of ways, I rose from my seat and sat next to him, throwing my arm around his shoulder. He leaned into me in a way that made me think he had not been affectionately touched in a very, very long time.

For a while he cried into my neck, and I rubbed his shoulder and his back the way Elsa used to do before we grew apart. He stopped only to assure me he would wash the blood and tear stains out of my new suit as soon as he got the chance (having no staff means that, regrettably, he has to do all the washing himself. I did make sure to tell him he’s been doing a superb job of getting the sweat stains out of my blouses!). I told him not to worry himself over it, and I would be happy to help if laundry proved to be too much for him to handle right now. I’m sure resisting the urge to eat your delicious-smelling new friend is a trying affair, and I figure one gets stressed rather easily anyways when subjected to an eternal existence of sucking human blood in order to not die.

He told me, a little unsteadily, that I was the nicest person he’d met in 200 years. Every time he goes into town (to get cooking ingredients or new soap or what have you), everyone is always so rude, hissing and clutching their crucifixes and whimpering prayers. Last time Hiccup asked the grocer how his family was doing, the man called him hellspawn and told him he hopes his castle gets struck by lightning and goes up in a terrible inferno to match his personality! He also insulted Hiccup’s sun umbrella, saying it was severely out-of-fashion, and threw a bag of garlic at him that left burns that lasted weeks! Look, I know sucking blood can be a bit off-putting, but everyone deserves basic common courtesy, whether they eat people or not. Like come ON, have some maturity!

Anyways, I guess I soothed him after a while, because the crying died down—more like small sobs now and again instead of outright bawling. Once he seemed past the worst of all of it, I admitted something was confusing me. How was he so lonesome when the three strange people I met last night lived in the castle too, and apparently had been for quite some time? He chuckled a little darkly at this.

It turns out the four of them used to be great friends, a very long time ago. The blondes—a twin sister and brother, Ruffnut and Tuffnut—were the only other survivors from Hiccup’s village, and only others (that he knows of) to be afflicted with the vampire curse. That’s what his condition’s called, apparently. They were all each other had for a while. Merida, the Scottish lady, came a century or so later. She was a princess on the run from an arranged marriage, and she stumbled on Hiccup’s castle in her quest to go where no one could ever find her. Hiccup, Ruffnut, and Tuffnut invited her in, but Ruffnut ended up liking her too much to make a meal out of her, so she made her into a vampire instead. Apparently you can transfer the curse through some specific type of biting—who knew? I guess it makes sense, with those big pointy teeth and all.

They were thick as thieves, those four, back in the day. All kinds of running around the woods, climbing trees, scaling cliff faces with weird lizard wall-clinging skills. Seeing who could lift the thickest tree trunk (it was usually Merida). Dining on the town’s most depraved, stumbling on Hiccup’s castle on their run from the law.

But over the centuries, Hiccup and his friends grew apart. The main reason, he told me, was…“diverging opinions on the value of human life and such,” as he put it. Eventually, they ran out of deplorable townspeople and traveling ne’er-do-wells and bandits to eat, but the need for blood remained.

So Hiccup tried to live in moderation, taking only what he needed to survive. Occasionally even feeding on wildlife, for as far as that would get him. The others, however…

It sounded like an addiction of sorts—getting a little too fond of how lively and powerful they felt just after feeding on a human. And they wanted more, and more, and more…and kept finding ways to justify the killing to themselves, until they barely saw anything wrong with it at all. Makes me nervous, thinking of what they would have done to me the other night had Hiccup not showed up.

(I asked what happened after I passed out, and Hiccup told me his friends took their dinner and scuttled out the window in a huff. I didn’t ask who the “dinner” in the bag had been. Maybe I’d be happier not knowing…)

These days, Hiccup’s three cohabitors have gotten lazy, preferring to let Hiccup do the hard work of putting himself in danger to get them all food. They’ve been freeloading for…300ish years now, he tells me? And he dutifully provides still, despite how tumultuous things have gotten. I guess out of obsolete loyalty to his longest-standing friends, no matter how…morally questionable they’ve become. Or maybe grief for the friendship that once was. As is, though, he feels he has little in common with them anymore.

He told me how it breaks his heart, seeing how much the curse twisted the three of them. Often, he can’t even bear to be around them—to see what they’ve become. So he stays away, seeking them out only when it comes time to feed them. But the resentment, the anger that they’ve let themselves stray so far into the darkness—I can tell it’s still there. And the bitter loneliness of seeing his three best friends go down a disturbing path that he doesn’t have the heart to follow…it must weigh on him terribly.

“And that’s not even the worst part,” he told me when he finished the story. He stood suddenly as he said it, knocking my hand off him. It was difficult to imagine what could be significantly worse than having to regularly drink human blood, but nonetheless I gestured for him to continue.

“Ruff, Tuff, Mer, and I…” His voice shook as he said it, and he gripped the table like a lifeline. I wondered if the tears were going to come back.

“We were planning…” He trailed off and took a breath. “I’ve been trying to reach out to them. For, I don’t know, the last 50 years or so. Trying to rekindle the friendship we once had, because I couldn’t bear an eternity alone. Even if my only alternative was to spend it with people who had become…well, bloodthirsty and completely depraved. But I wanted someone. So the four of us made a plan—I made a plan. To try and make them happy. I thought maybe then, they’d love me again.”

He frowned at me and stiffened, like he was trying to hold himself together. “We figured it had been so many centuries that no one in our ancestral lands would remember who we were. If Drago had some kind of lineage, they surely would have died out by now. So we decided to return to the homeland in Scandinavia—to Oslo.”

“Of course!” I nodded, because it all made sense then. “That’s why we talked through buying all that land. You want to go home.”

“I was hesitant at first,” he admitted. “I was worried there were too many scenarios where we all ended up discovered and slaughtered. But the idea grew on me. I read books and newspaper articles and learned how much the outside world had grown since our time. And I realized how much I’ve missed the fjords and the sea cliffs and everything else. So I started setting everything in motion.”

He paused, like he was waiting for me to scream or wail or flee in terror or what have you. I planned on doing no such thing! I’m a professional, after all.

“Anna,” he added bluntly, when I didn’t provide him with a sufficiently horrified reaction. “We eat people. And we bought land in and planned to move to YOUR hometown. Shouldn’t you…I don’t know, be more concerned?”

Huh. Well, when he put it like that, I DID understand why this was concerning.

I couldn’t find myself too surprised, though, that this was the story behind everything going on. I’ve suspected something was up for a while now, and Hiccup and his roommates being cursed, blood-sucking creatures of the night fits with what I’ve seen. After all, what good is a lawyer if they can’t piece together the evidence they gather and arrive at something resembling the truth?

Hiccup doesn’t eat human food. No one in town will work for him. He can lizard crawl up the side of buildings. He has two front teeth perfected for breaking skin and drawing blood. He’s constantly in distress over seeing himself as some sort of “thing of evil.” His friends were talking about sucking me and draining me and calling me a meal. The townsfolk are terrified of him. He always disappears at dawn. He has circles of blue fire just lying around. Really, him being a blood-drinking night creature explains all that better than perhaps anything else could.

As absolutely absurd as it all sounds. But if law school taught me anything, it’s that oftentimes the truth is a LOT stranger than you think it will be. You can’t ever rule anything out until you have significant evidence against it—and it’s quite the opposite, in this case.

Strangely enough, I found I wasn’t hugely bothered with the idea of him coming to Oslo. It took me a moment to realize why.

“Well, you have to have blood to live, right?” I said. “So either you’ll be eating people here or you’ll be eating people in Oslo. What difference does it make where you are?” He gave me kind of a weird look, so I elaborated. “I mean, obviously the ideal number of people you would be eating is zero, but it sounds like that isn’t an option.”

He gave me what seemed like a genuinely apologetic look. “Anna, your friends…your family��.”

Oh. Right. Jack and Punzie. Elsa. My colleagues at the firm.

I guess some part of me figured if I asked Hiccup to leave them out of it, he would. That he’d do me that one favor, after how much I’d tried to help him with the legalities of property transfer and the intricacies of Norwegian. That after everything…

Maybe he’d come to care for me.

The boss man would call me naïve if he knew. I guess I never could quash that little romantic in my chest, who kept insisting I wasn’t just fated to become some cranky, law-practicing old maid. But affection is a powerful thing, and I’d be an idiot to deny the reserve of it that was steadily building for Hiccup.

“And you…” He turned and walked away from the table as he said it. He started pacing back and forth, burying his face in his hands and groaning. “That’s the worst of all.”

That’s when the unease really started to set in, but I kept my cool. No one ever accomplished anything by descending into embarrassing hysterics.

“What about me?” I asked (impressively calmly, I think, given the situation).

“Once we got the property deeds, we were going to…” He cut himself off and sank into his hands, heaving a strangled breath.

I didn’t want to make him say it. “You were going to let your friends eat me. When I wasn’t useful anymore.”

“Yes!” He lowered his hands and looked right at me, and I saw he was teary-eyed again. “But I CAN’T, not now that I know you. These last few weeks have been the best I’ve had in decades. I’ve realized that I don’t just want to go to Oslo—I want to walk the streets with YOU, stopping at those little stalls to buy kebabs for the cats. I want to hold your hand under the aspens in the park and feed oats to the ducks—and I’d probably only eat one or two ducks, I promise. I want to ride the streetcars and window-shop and buy you things for Snoggletog…or whatever your equivaent of that nowadays is, anyhow. I want to roam the fjords with you at midnight, when it’s quiet—and watch the stars and the northern lights when there’s no one around but us. I want to see the moonlight on the waterfalls, and I want you to show me everything you love.”

He took a deep breath then, like he was willing the courage to go on. “You make Oslo sound so beautiful, but I can’t—I just can’t imagine it without you there, too. Getting excited when you point out all the things we talked about and filling my head with all of your fun facts. Telling me about your latest property court cases over fresh-cooked fårikål I made. Taking the train into the mountains on the weekend and watching the lynxes and puffins and reindeer and white foxes. I want to experience it all with you, Anna.”

I just stared at him, stunned. How did I, your run-of-the-mill property attorney, manage to impress a man who was centuries old?

“And now…the thought of hurting you, I just can’t—” He cut himself off again and heaved a ragged sob. “I couldn’t forgive myself. I’m so sorry I planned to. Sometimes, I think the townspeople are right about me—I really AM some kind of vile demon.”

And that’s when—god forgive me—I made what was easily the most unprofessional move of my career.

I couldn’t help it. He looked so devastated, and I had to show him he was a better man than he believed.

I stood and crossed the room in a few strides. His head was in his hands again, but he looked up as I approached.

And then, before my logical lawyer brain could kick in, I leaned in and grabbed his cheeks and I kissed Count Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III just like in the fairy tales!!!

His mouth was on the cold side, and his lips were dry and chapped, but he tasted so right. And he smelled like chocolate and nuts and cake batter and a little bit like what had come to feel like home.

I think I shocked him at first, because I felt him stiffen. But then he melted into it, and cold arms wrapped around my neck and suddenly it was one of those moments where I felt rather foolish for ceasing to believe in magic when my childhood was over. If the mystical was a farce, how did you explain the soft, velvety feeling in my chest, brought about from nothing but unchecked bliss?

And let me tell you, I don’t think I’ve ever felt safer than in the arms of a centuries-old undead creature. The irony is scandalous, I know.

Even after our lips parted, he still clung to me like a lost kitten. I pressed my forehead to his, just to assure him I was comfortable.

I spoke as quietly and soothingly as I could, saying “I’m not afraid of you. And I know you’re not going to hurt me now. I trust you.”

“How do you know you should?” he asked me, voice trembling.

I had to laugh at this, and I told him “Because, um…I really don’t think you would have put so much thought into all the fun activities we were going to do in Oslo together if you still planned on draining all my blood out.”

That got a laugh out of him, too! I think I was doing pretty damn well, all things considered.

“You…don’t hate what I am?” he asked.

“No,” I told him. “I’m not really that surprised, given all your…well…all the oddities around here. But you can’t help it that you were cursed, and I can tell you’ve got a good heart. That’s what matters to me.”

“It’s just…ugh. It’s all so complicated now.” He pulled away a little, hands on my shoulders as he stared at the ground. “The four of us were going to take over the whole damn city, draining or turning every last one of them. But now I can’t. I can’t do that to your home! And I wouldn’t hurt the people you care about, but…how am I going to keep Mer, Ruff, and Tuff away?”

He started to pace again, gesturing wildly as he talked. “And I already sent off the property deeds to be approved by your boss! What am I going to do when they come back?! How do I tell Merida and the others that maybe I don’t want to do this after all? Would they just kill me? Could they just kill me?”

I pointed out that was unlikely, considering they seemed like they hadn’t been outside the castle to even hunt in several years, but he still seemed worried.

“I can’t take over an entire city!” he went on. “Or subject them to this—this life I’m stuck with! But I still want to go to Oslo, but I have to eat! What am I supposed to do?!”

I pondered on it as he continued with his anxious ramble.

“Well,” I said—perhaps a little cheekily, I’ll admit. “You know, there’s plenty of ne’er-do-wells and criminals in the backalleys of Oslo. I’m sure they could stand to lose a little blood here and there. I mean, the authorities TRY to round them up, and we lawyers try to make sure they can’t make any more trouble, but even the keenest of law-upholders can’t catch them all.”

“So how long would they last?” he demanded. “How long before I start having to eat good people again, Anna? I don’t know how much longer I can take it!”

I pondered more at this. “I don’t know. It would take careful planning, for sure, and you’d have to figure out how to reign in your friends so they don’t make all of Oslo into a bloodbath, but I don’t think it’s hopeless. I’m trained to navigate, er—tricky situations, you could say. Legal, mostly, but it’s not strictly limited to that.”

“I just don’t know.” He shook his head, breathing hard. “I want to go, I want to explore, I want to see my homeland again, but I don’t—I don’t want to ruin your city with my…my undead debauchery! And I don’t want to put your friends in danger, but I want to stay with you, and this whole plan is a mess, and I just…I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do.”

He repeated the words frantically, over and over as he paced with his hands tugging at his hair. A strange calm settled over me, and for whatever reason, I suddenly felt more collected than I had in days.

Even if he was fraying, that didn’t mean I couldn’t tie up his loose ends. I didn’t pass the BAR to fall into panics whenever trouble arose.

“Hiccup,” I said, walking over to him again. I reached up and placed a hand on top of his own, guiding it down from his head and lacing our fingers together. His shaking seemed to wane, if only a little.

I spoke with as much confidence as I’d ever had, and I told him:

“I know it seems like a lot, but I promise you we will figure something out. I’m a lawyer, after all—it’s my goddamn job.”

[shieldofrohan]

One doesn't have to go through GRRM's excerpts and interviews to figure out that he was favouring one sister over the other . It also makes me fear that he might not give a happy ending to Sansa because she harboured antagonistic relationship with his faves ( not being the perfect big sister and not sleeping with Tyrion) . I wouldn't be surprised if he makes Sansa apologize to Arya in ADOS and tell Tyrion how he was a good husband ( just like they made her do in the show) .

Hello Anon,

I once said that Martin = Ned about this favoring the one sister thing. And I think I was right.

So yes it is obvious but as the author he has every right to love one of his character more than the others. I don’t think that he owes us sth. What bothers me is that this favorism hurts the story but we have to deal with it.

BUT I have to say that I disagree with you. I never believed that Martin hates Sansa. And I don’t believe that he is writing a bad ending for her. I think when he was writing Sansa having antagonistic relationships with his faves, he wasn’t trying to make Sansa the villain. Him putting her in the opposite position of Arya, Tyrion, Ned etc was just another POV trap.

I certainly believe that Martin wanted readers to HATE/DISLIKE Sansa and I am sorry but no one can change my mind. It is obvious in his writing that he wanted “simple” readers to root for Arya/Ned/Tyrion. 

BUT this doesn’t mean that he was actually saying Tyrion and others were right/good while Sansa was being wrong/bad.

What I am trying to say is that, Martin’s writing and intentions are complicated and I believe that at some point things got of his hands a little.

Martin totally wanted to make Arya/Ned/Tyrion “look” more sympathetic and he totally wanted his readers side with them while making Sansa look like the problem in these characters’ stories. But this is a POV trap to a certain degree.

Let’s face it, Martin loves playing with readers’ expectations; so him creating an UNSYMPATHETIC girly girl who “creates” problems for fan-favorite characters and writing her as the winner of the story is his way of irritating his simple-readers.

I think unseasoned (I am not sure about this choice of word- I hope it manages to tell what I am trying to say. LOL) and regular YA fantasy genre fans who are only able to enjoy the surface of the text easily fell into this POV trap.

When we look at the Sansa-haters in the fandom we can see that they are local af with their tropes-based basic and boring theories. These fans still read this series like they are reading a simple YA book with mean sister/girl who is antagonizing the ugly duckling/ ugly but good man will end up alone and ugly. But Asoiaf is more nuanced than that.

So I believe that Martin wanted these surface-readers to fall into this POV trap. And he did all he could to make Sansa look less sympathetic one. Martin didn’t want “these" readers to root for Sansa at all. He wanted them to dislike her. This was his plan. Because he wanted to catch them off guard with Sansa.

I believe that he wanted people to like her slowly. I hate to say this (UGH) but he might have wanted to create what he created with Jaime/Theon like characters with Sansa. He was probably like: “Oh, you didn’t like her… watch me challenge you in this and watch her rising while your faves are falling down.”

THE FCKING PROBLEM IS: This PoV trap or whatever was so UNNECESSARY and at some point he failed. Because unlike Theon/Jaime/Sandor, Sansa has done nothing wrong and she never deserved the dislike in the first place.

I can see that he wanted to make her unsympathetic one but his way of doing this didn’t do the job well. I can accept that at certain degree he was challenging readers to dig deeper, but it is also obvious that HE believes Sansa needs to redeem herself a little too. That’s where you can see that he lost the control of his own story and how he fell into a trap too.

He shamelessly admits Sansa had a part in her father’s death without giving a defense or a criticism to Ned’s parenting. 

And I know that he defends his characters when he likes:

He defended Cat when people said she was whining all the time (the question was about Cat and SANSA but his answer was only about Cat… so no defense for Sansa huh?) or when they accused her mistreating Jon (and again he didn’t criticize Ned’s part in this whole Cat-Jon drama).

He defended Dany about causing a massacre in Astapor by telling that she is still young and needs experience and she had "noble intentions” (even though she actually had very selfish intentions and he literally minified her actions… the white old American in him makes him clueless sometimes: LOOK at FIRE AND BLOOD book.)

I mean, he created a POV trap with Sansa BUT he also failed to realize what he actually wrote because he himself believes Sansa needs to learn better and redeem herself. BUT the text screams SANSA HAS NEVER DONE ANYTHING WRONG AND OTHERS SHOULD BEG FOR HER FORGIVENESS.

Now let’s go back to your ask. 

I don’t think that Martin will write a miserable ending for her. I think she will have a happy-ish ending (my fear is what is happy according to Martin.. he can be edgy: "tHEre wAS nO HappY EnDiNg FoR fRODO!!" smh…)

But yeah he might write her being sorry about whole Arya thing… But I hope that both sisters will apologize to each other…

About Tyrion, I don’t know. Sometimes she hates Tyrion, sometimes she says he is a better husband option than poor Robin…

If he writes her apologizing Tyrion, I would hate it but I hope he won’t forget that Sansa is not Martin himself. But I think there is a possibility of Sansa being nice to her abusers (Tyrion or Sandor if they ever meet) to show that how good she is. And I think he might do this to make her more likable in the eyes of these basic readers…

BUT I trust Martin (to certain degree). AND I am sure that he won’t write her a bad ending.

Thanks for the ask.

[dork-empress]

Singing in the Dead of Night Pt 3

Lucy and Damian visit Metropolis.

Past chapters are under my tag 'lucy quinzel' and the whole fic is on my AO3 (url in my description). Please reblog and leave comments.

Flock of Robins

Timtiminey:Guys. Guys. Guess what???

Jason: I thought I deleted this chat.

Timtiminey: Ha funny you think I’d allow you to do that

Timtiminey: And you didn’t guess.

Dickbutt: Tim I’m on a mission.

Dickbutt:.....

Dickbutt: TIM CHANGE MY NAME

Timtiminey: You’re still not guessing.

Dick Grayson’s name was changed to DickiestButtiest

Stephaluffagus: Whatever Is It, Tim?

Jason: Why is Stephanie even on here?

Stephaluffagus: I was a Robin!

Timtiminey: And she asks the questions. Well, you SEE

Timtiminey: DAMIAN GOT A GIRLFRIEND

Stephaluffagus: WHAAAA?!:?HSLHFADSKLJFKL?????

Dick Grayson’s name was changed to DatAssTho

DatAssTho: Awwwww, that’s so cute!!!

DatAssTho: Our little hellion is growing up

DatAssTho: It’s like it was just yesterday he was threatening to stab us all

Jason: That was last week at dinner.

Jason: Who the hell said yes to go out with him?

Timtiminey: That’s the best part! The old man set them up.

Stephaluffagus: ALKSDAN LFKSNDAFLKNDASKLF

DatAssTho: Well thats just not fair. He never set up me on a date.

Jason: He put you on the Titans.

DatAssTho: Watch it, Todd

DatAssTho: Also, you type like an old man

Jason: With proper punctuation?

Stephaluffagus: Guys, we’re straying from the topic: Who is it??

Timtiminey: Harley’s niece, she’s got some like, clown ballerina thing going

Jason: QUINN?!?!?!

Jason: LIKE JOKER’S GIRLFRIEND????

DatAssTho: Dude, they broke up ages ago

Stephaluffagus: Yeah, she’s basically more hero than you are

Jason: You really want to go down THAT route Brown?

Timtiminey: OOOOHKAYYY

Timtiminey: Rest assured, the old man vetted the girl. She’s…..unique? I’ve only seen her file, or part of it anyway

DatAssTho: Bruce has secret files doesn’t he

Timtiminey: I think I made it through the first encryption, but I’m working on the next between other cases.

Timtiminey: After all, we have to make sure she’s alright for our little Dami-kins

Stephaluffagus: Isn’t he on this chat?

Timtiminey: He’s had this muted for ages

Jason: YOU CAN DO THAT?!

Timtiminey: I mean, YOU can’t. I will turn it off for you

Jason: …….

Jason: Well you know it’d be a shame if I

Jason: @DamianWayne

Timtiminey: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!

Damian: You’re dead Drake

DatAssTho: RIP

Stephaluffagus: He will be remembered

Jason: Prick.

“Get on already,” Damian said, exuding as much disinterested and grumpy energy as his body could manage.

Lucy skipped over to him, and looked at the seating arrangement on the Robin Cycle. “Hmm”, she said, “I don’t know if I’ll fit.” She climbed up to the back of the cycle only for her tutu to spring her backwards.

“What the hell is in that thing?” Damian asked, scowling. whatever had hit him was way more solid than fabric.

“Oh all sorts of things!” she said, “It’s my utilitutu!”

Damian really should have been used to this by now. “Your what.”

“Utility Tutu. I’ve got my balloon animals, my gas bouquet, my tamborine…”

“Well get rid of it or something,” Damian said, and was somehow surprised she did as was asked. Left in just a leotard, she hooked the tutu around her arm and jumped up behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist.

Luckily, he was wearing his helmet, so no one could see him blush.

He revved up the motorcycle to try and drown out his thoughts. They’d been particularly loud ever since Tim said what he said...and, maybe since Lucy said what she said.

Were they dating? Is that what was happening? Lucy had called it a date, but Lucy was weird. It wasn’t like Damian understood how these things were supposed to work. This was super not in the training regime for the League of Assassins.

Did he...want it to be a date? He was even less sure. Lucy was...odd, but she had grown on him. She was the exact opposite of him, cheery where he was brooding, she was peaceful, he was violent. She was...kind and funny and playful. He was super not. they were both smart, but that seemed to be where the similarities ended.

And yet, it kinda worked. She was pretty, in a girly way, or at least thats what he could tell from under her makeup. He’d never been...really interested in girls or anyone. He didn’t know what it was supposed to feel like. If this was how it was supposed to feel like.

Well, he wasn’t going to be forced to be in a relationship with anyone. If she tried anything, he would tell her no, in no uncertain terms. Then he could get Tim and the others to shut up.

Once the decision was made, of course, he was left to ruminate for the remainder of the ride. He might have welcomed some of Lucy’s chatter, just to get his mind off things. Damn Bruce, not letting him use the batmobile…

Finally, a blur appeared beside him. “Need a lift?” Jon asked, rushing along beside him. Damian couldn’t help a smirk as he followed him through the city.

They came to a stop in an alleyway, though it didn’t hide much. “Whoa,” Jon said, eyebrows raised, “Hello, who’s this?”

Lucy stood on the top of the motorcycle, slipping her tutu back on and giving a deep curtsy, “Greetings! I am Commedia, The Dancing Delight, Columbina of Gotham and--”

“She’s Harley Quinn’s niece,” Damian said, cutting her off, “Lucy, Superboy, Superboy, Lucy.”

Lucy jumped down, eyebrow raised, “Now, come on. Surely you boys know how hard it is being defined by those who came before you.”

“Yeah, Robin,” Superboy said, holding out his hand for her to shake, “Honestly, no manners. Nice to meet you, Comme...Colum..um.”

“Lucy’s fine,” she said, “Aunt Harley said it’d be good for me to go and see some of Metropolis, maybe get some shopping done.”

Jon smiled, “Well, there’s plenty to do around here, and you picked the perfect tour guide! Come on, Mom and Dad are working today. I’ll show you around.”

Damian followed the pair of them around at a pace where you could just barely tell he was part of the same group. He was in his black outfit again, with sunglasses so that Lucy couldn’t tell who he was, and all of Metropolis wouldn’t know Robin wasn’t in Gotham.

Jon took them on the full tourist tour, going to see the many wonders of Metropolis. Though, a few stops Damian was pretty sure weren’t on the main route, like when they went to the top of the Daily Planet building. Other than that, though, it was a lot of pretty buildings, old buildings, the Superman memorial/dedication (they just left it up when Superman came back) and other sites that were considered important.

Damian sulked, having seen all these before and not finding them any more impressive than the first time or any time after that. What did surprise him was that Lucy didn’t seem any more impressed than him. He would have thought she’d go Gaga over the tourist trappings, considering she react to abandoned (allegedly) mines like a family at Disney World.

But she looked at each one, nodded in appreciation, and went onto the next thing.

Jon was kinda weirded out by it too, Damian could tell, not that Jon was ever subtle. He kept looking to Damian as if to try and explain her behavior, not that he was ever going to be doing that.

“Ok,” Jon said, as they sat outside the capitol, “Is there anything you WANT to see?”

Lucy shrugged, “To be honest, buildings don’t really interest me that much. But I’m glad to have gone with you, of course.”

“For fuck’s sake,” Damian said, “What’s the point of going around like this if you don’t even like it? We went around all damn day for YOU!”

Lucy tilted her head, “We went so that Superboy could show us things and we could get to know him.” She smiled at him, “You clearly admire Superman a lot, and you’re clearly like him. I’m glad you get along with your dad so well.”

Jon smiled, confused, but appreciative, “Thanks?” Damian grumbled. “But, I’d like to get to know YOU better as well. So if there’s something you like, the city has everything.”

Lucy hummed, “I honestly mostly just like to people watch in my free time.”

Jon beamed, “Oh man, I have the perfect place then.”

With a hop, skip, and a kryptonian-powered jump, the three of them were in the rafters of the Metropolis Subway station, looking down at everything and everyone as they went by. Damian was just glad they were inside, and being underground had him feeling a bit more at home.

Lucy practically sparkled, leaning way too far over to look at everyone. “What are they saying? Can you hear them?”

“Uh, which ones?” Jon said. She pointed aggressively. “Well, that one’s a family on vacation, the dad there is going over the itinerary, he’s got it printed out. The daughter there is trying to get him to skip the museums so they can get to the aquarium faster.”

“Ohh, what’s at the aquarium?” Lucy asked, kicking her feet like a child.

“Some fish, jelly fish are cool...Oh, they got a new shark there, I think.”

Damian groaned again, “Ugh, who CARES? If you wanted to go to the aquarium, then lets go to the aquarium! Instead of just watching someone TALK about it! These are all just normal people!”

“Robin, dude,” Jon said, “If it’s what she wants, why not? We are here for HER after all.”

That in of itself would have been enough to shame Damian, but Lucy was staring at him. She stared unblinking, and unsmiling. It was actually creepy. Like she was staring through him.

“Nobody’s normal.” She said, very seriously, her voice no longer taking on the cheery affectation. “Not a single one that I’ve ever met. Many of them TRY to be normal, but it is an illusion. A moving target, an ideal that doesn’t exist and people are shamed for not attempting to achieve.”

Damian could feel himself resist leaning away from her. “Uh, Lucy?” Jon said, “Something you want to talk about?”

Lucy blinked like she was remembering she was supposed to. “I suppose it is personal to me,” she said, “My…mother was always a little scared of Aunt Harley. First scared of her success, then scared of her villainous career. She always wanted to be normal. She wanted…me to be normal. She was scared of what I’d be. Who I’d be like.” She smiled, an echo of her previous smile, “It’s not quite the same as being a disciple for a great hero like Superman or Batman.”

Jon was suddenly looking very awkward. “Well,” He said, “I mean, having Harley Quinn as your aunt isn’t that bad. And you’re good anyway! So, no need to worry.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Lucy said, “It doesn’t matter if I was good or bad. It just matters that I was strange.” She tilts her head, looking down at the mass of people rushing back and forth. “Ever since I was little, people didn’t feel…real. They’re just. Stories. I couldn’t relate to my peers, as my teachers would say. I don’t know how to explain it. The only time I tried, my mom was so scared she sent me to a camp. One of those meant for bad kids to help them behave.” She tilted her head, “But they weren’t bad. They all had different stories. I realized there were no normal people. Just people with stories.”

Damian couldn’t have spoken if it was to yell for help. He stared at Lucy, trying to decide if he should be concerned or sympathetic.

Jon cleared his throat. “Well, I think you’re nice. And that’s what’s important. No problem with learning more about people and helping them.”

Lucy smiled, “Thank you.”

Jon’s head whipped to the side. “Ah, shoot, Dad’s calling me. I’ll be right back.” Lucy’s cheery attitude was back and she nodded, as Jon took off.

Lucy looked over at Damian for a moment. Damian felt he should say something. Apologize, maybe? He wasn’t sure what would be appropriate, and if it was appropriate, would Lucy want it. She worked on a whole other level, that was clear.

Lucy went back to watching people below her.

“My mom,” Damian started, not sure where he was going to end his sentence. Rule one of being in his family was to not reveal details about himself. But it was Lucy and she…she was his friend. “She was a…she’s a villain. I was supposed to be too. Maybe would have been if I didn’t go to live with Batman.”

Lucy nodded, “That sounds like a very interesting story,” Lucy said, “Thank you for telling me.” She tilted her head towards him. “Hey Robin, there’s this comedy place here in Metropolis I looked up. I was hoping maybe we could go tonight? I’m kind of a comedy nerd, and it’s always good to support people at an open mic. Maybe you’d even laugh once.”

Damian braced himself. This was a date. She was asking him on a date. He had prepared himself for this. “I can’t,” Damian said, the words practiced, “I don’t think of you that way. We can hang out and…be friends, but no.” There. No question about it.

Lucy looked at him, and tilted her head, thinking. “Ok,” She said, simply. Didn’t seem too heartbroken. It was a relief. “Hey Superboy,” She said, voice raise just slightly on the sounds of trains, “Do you want to go on a date to a comedy club tonight with me?”

There was a brief pause, then with a burst of wind, Jon jumped up back to the rafters. “Yeah, that sounds good,” and they shared smiles, “Robin, I can get her back to Gotham if you want to head home.”

Damian blinked, trying to process what exactly was happening. “I–,” technically, he wasn’t supposed to leave Lucy, for reasons Batman hadn’t been overly clear about. But if something was going to happen, she’d be plenty safe with Jon. Still, he wanted to argue this, even though he had nothing, and he knew he had nothing. “Sure, that sounds fine.”

Jon held out his hand to help him down, but he could easily get out by himself. And so, alone, he went home. And he didn’t understand the strange feeling in his gut.

Bruce stretched his neck coming down to the batcave, seeing Tim on the computer. “Commissioner Gordon has kindly invited Batman and Robin to the Wayne charity Christmas Party on my behalf,” he said, “I’ve got Dick coming down to wear the Batsuit for me. I’m going to work to have Damian as Robin, but would you and Steph take on patrols that night? At least some of us should actually be doing work.”

Tim didn’t answer. He stared blankly into the computer. Bruce sighed, most likely he didn’t hear him. “How long have you been down here? You’re going to ruin your–”

“Are you planning on telling Damian?” Tim asked.

Bruce paused and looked at what Tim was staring at. It was medical records of Delia Quinzel, specifically of her pregnancy.

Specifically the fake pregnancy records that Bruce had made. “What are you talking about?” Bruce asked.

“Please don’t insult me,” Tim said, face stoic, “You really think I can’t recognize your digital fingerprint all over these files?”

Bruce took a few deep breaths. “Have you told anyone?”

“Hell no,” Tim said, finally looking up, “And I cleaned up your mess. But I don’t know if anyone else has looked into this before now.” Tim glared at Bruce, “So I ask again, are you planning on telling Damian that you’ve put him in charge of protecting Joker’s biological daughter from her own father?”

Bruce came over and looked at the corrected records. They were, in fact, cleaner. Bruce’s were too normal. Tim added in complications that could have happened, just enough to make people think they’d already found what was wrong. “We don’t know what Joker knows.”

“Oh, and he just happened to escape Arkham and disappear at around the same time a teen starts hanging around his ex-girlfriend.” Tim said, dryly.

“If he does know,” Bruce said, “Then its our job to stop him. If he doesn’t, then we still stop him. But Lucy has a target on her back one way or another.”

“Which is why you put Damian in front of it?” Tim said.

“I trust Damien,” Bruce said, “To protect her. But I don’t want him to be biased against her because of her parents.”

“So, you’re putting him at risk, so that he can make friends?” Tim demanded, arms crossed.

Bruce took a deep sigh. “One day,” he said, “Lucy is going to have to confront where she’s come from. And the rest of us are too. I’m trying to give us all the best chance.” Bruce said, “Besides, Damian needs more friends other than Jon.”

Tim screwed up his face, then snorted. “Alright, old man,” he said, “I’ll go with your plan for now. But if something goes belly up, I reserve the right to at least one ‘I told you so.’”

“A fair compromise,” Bruce said, “What have you found about Joker’s movements?”

“He’s going quiet right now, which isn’t much like him,” Tim said, “But I think I’ve tied him to this fancy surgical robot that’s gone missing from Gotham Hospital.”

“Well, I’m sure there’s nothing mind-breakingly awful he can do with that,” Bruce said, sarcastically. “Let’s take it to the streets.”

Tim jumped up and followed him to the batmobile.

[mikasaessucasaa]

Title: Flatlanders

Summary: After being forced to retire from singing, Sansa returns to Winterfell Ranch, a place she hasn’t called home in over ten years, and finds the man that she left behind all those years ago.

Part 1 .... Part 2

1991

King’s Landing, TX

Sansa’s hair was a frizzy mess. It wasn’t usually so humid this far inland, but of course the moment she came back was the same week that the summer storms started. It only ever rained once a year when she lived in LA.

And now she was trekking around town when the sky looked like it was about to open up. She needed to fix a broken fence that’s been neglected for weeks. And she needed to talk to the bank and get their finances sorted. What the hell has Arya been doing all this time?

Fence first. Bank later. And maybe she’ll get so busy getting wood that she might not even have to see Petyr.

And of course it started pouring as soon as she pulled up to the Night's Watch General Store. Damn. It better not be a flash flood. She should have listened when Mama told her to bring a damn umbrella. Bless Sansa’s heart.

Accepting her fate, she steeled herself and made a dash from the truck to the front door. Even the thirty seconds it took her to get inside was enough to make her look like a drowned rat. Forget frizzy hair, her auburn hair was soaked and limp.

She was greeted by a familiar face, but she couldn’t place his name, not having seen him in over a decade. He was scrawny and of average height with short cropped hair.

“Sansa! Woah, never thought I’d see you again in these neck of the woods.”

Honestly, neither did she.

She looked at his name badge. Ah. Pyp. One of Jon’s lackeys who used to follow him around high school. She thought it was adorable back then. She wondered if he still talked to Jon.

“Jon’s gonna be so happy to see you.” She doubted it, but she nodded and smiled. “How can I help ya today?”

“Got a whole section of my fence broken. I think from lightning a couple of weeks ago.”

Pyp showed her a couple of different options. She wanted to buy the cedar since it would last longer through the unpredictable Texas weather, but she saw their finances, and Mama definitely understated just how much trouble the ranch was in. She didn’t know how long her own cash was going to last with her singing voice now gone.

So she went with the pine instead. She’ll deal with it later.

“I’ll give you the friends and family discount,” Pyp said when he rung her up. As she was signing the check, he pulled out another piece of paper and asked, “Do you mind also signing this? My niece loves your music. She’s always jamming to your album on her little boombox.”

Sansa hadn't thought she was that popular. She had one or two songs played on the radio nationally, and produced a couple of songs for commercials. She bet it was her local celebrity fame that made her popular down here.

She gave her signature and hauled ass out of her store with her fence posts while the rain momentarily stopped. She covered her new purchase with a tarp and settled back into her truck.

She checked the time, and damn the bank was still open.

So she made her way over to the Eyrie Bank. Her parents had only ever gone to one bank their entire life because it was owned by a family friend. Papa had been good friends with Jon Arryn for a long time before he passed, and then Aunt Lysa remarried a childhood friend, Petyr Baelish.

To Sansa, Petyr had always been the creepy uncle, but if anyone could help her sort out the mess with the ranch, he could.

There weren’t many customers when she entered the bank, so of course they let Petyr know right away that she was there to see him.

He smiled that creepy smile that he always had, as if he wanted to devour her. It was the same look music producers always gave her when she entered the room. They always undressed her with their eyes first before they bothered listening to her demos.

And she smiled back, as he leaned forward and held her in a too intimate hug. Gross. “Sansa, my dear. It’s so good to see you. I’ve missed you so much over these last twelve years.”

“Same here, Uncle Baelish.”

“I wish you had come to visit more often.”

“Well you know what it’s like for artists trying to break in.”

“I can’t imagine what it’s like to give up everything to chase your dreams. You’re so brave.” Liar. Everybody knew that Sansa was forced to leave.

Sansa smiled more. “Thank you Uncle.”

Baelish led them to his private office, and the way that he patted her shoulder after he closed the door made her uncomfortable, but she held it in as she watched him take a seat.

“So how can I help you, my sweetling?”

“I need you to walk me through the Winterfell finances.”

“Certainly, I’ll make it as easy as I can for you to follow.”

Sansa started tapping her finger against the arm rest.

She resented his insinuation. She didn’t finish high school, but she learned to manage her finances, learned how much the Lannisters stole from her, knew how much she willfully turned away from because she needed the Lannisters as much as she hated them.

Still he did make it easy for her to understand, all the while outlining all of the paperwork.

Mama had been behind on bank payments for a long time, even after being given extensions consistently. Eventually, even Petyr’s generosity, so he says, couldn’t save the ranch. So Robb took out a private loan to cover the bank payments.

“Another bank?” she asked.

“No more personal than that. I believe Robb was good friends with Rhaegar’s boy.” He probably wanted to say bastard, but knew better since he was Robb’s best friend.

But she couldn't believe that Robb would be stupid enough to take out a loan from the Valyrian Dragons. Maybe he had a death wish after all.

“And that’s what’s keeping the ranch afloat now? Do you know how much we owe?”

Petyr gave a number and it wasn’t absurd, but, “This interest rate is insane. We won’t ever be able to touch the principle.”

Petyr shrugged. “I did try to warn your dear brother. I told him that it would be better for the bank to repossess the ranch. We would have certainly allowed your family to manage it still.” But he would own it all. “But alas your brother couldn’t see sense.”

She couldn’t tell if Robb was a prideful fool, or smart not to fall into bed with Petyr.

She thanked Petyr for his time and headed to the Dragon’s clubhouse. She had dreaded this part of coming home. Sansa hadn’t seen Jon in twelve years, and she didn’t know what kind of man he grew up to be. He had always been kind and sweet as a child, but kind and sweet men don’t join the Valyrian Dragons.

But she had to know if Robb had a plan all along, or if he was dumb enough to leave his family and the ranch at the mercy of the Dragons.

The clubhouse didn’t know if it wanted to be an auto shop or a bar or a boarding house, just the kind of trashy place that you would find in the south, because what else could it be?

She never thought she’d actually step in this place.

When she was still in school, the girls used to whisper about how they dreamed they would lose their virginities to one of the Dragons’ members. Egg would be ideal, with his pretty boy charm and silver hair, but Jon would do — he may have been shy back then, but the girls all took it as mysterious and dangerous. She wondered if the girls’ assumptions became true in his adulthood.

She assumed Egg must have been successful in popping a lot of cherries, but in her loneliness she sometimes liked to think that she was the only one for Jon, that she was somehow special, despite the mess she left.

There were a couple of pretty girlies loitering in the bar area of the clubhouse when she entered. They teetered around on high heels and tight skirts and tops, and suddenly Sansa wished she had the foresight to dress for battle. Instead she was wearing her stupid ripped jeans, work boots, and a white tee with a flannel shirt.

The girlies turned to look at her and their excited chatter died down. She’s guessing the red hair gave her away, or she really was more popular than she thought.

Out of the crowd of girlies, a silver haired woman emerged in black stilettos, leather pants and a black corset top. Shit, who could wear leather pants in this weather except for Daenerys Stormborn?

“So it’s true, the prodigal Stark daughter returns,” Dany said sweetly, but Sansa knew there was nothing sweet about the woman. She was all fire and ash. Dany probably thrived on the club wars.

Sansa shrugged. “Everyone’s gotta come home sometime.”

“Only when they’re incapable of surviving the world out there.”

“But at least I went out into the world.” Instead of being trapped in this hellhole.

“Only goes to show that you don’t belong here.”

“Winterfell is my home.” Even Sansa would have rolled her eyes at herself if she heard her speak.

“But the clubhouse isn’t. What do you want?”

“I need to speak to Jon.”

“No. You left him a mess all those years ago, and you think you can come waltzing in here years later and just talk to him? Wake up honey. He won’t want to talk to you.” Dany crossed her arms. “Whatever you want to say to Jon, you can tell to his girl.”

Dany had always wanted to claw her way into the Targaryens, maybe she finally did.

“It’s got nothing to do with you Dany.”

Dany waved her hand, flashing an engagement ring. “See this here? Says it’s got everything to do with me, missy.”

Sansa’s heart started pounding uncomfortably in her chest and she felt nauseous and lightheaded. Shit. Of all the damn times to have an anxiety attack.

She stumbled backwards into something solid.

“Sansa.”

The low, broken sound snapped her towards the man.

“Jon,” Sansa said, equally as broken.

Part 3

[a-bang-for-your-bucky]

Welcome Home Part 3

*not my gif*

WARNINGS: EXPLICIT LANGUAGE, seriously I use the ‘F’ word a lot. 

Pairings: Cody Rhodes x OFC (Sister), Brandi Rhodes x OFC (sister), Dustin Rhodes x OFC (Sister), past Seth Rollins x OFC, future Kenny Omega x OFC 

Summary: Peyton gets an offer that will change her entire career, while she tries to deal with the rising feelings for her best friend. 

A/N: Here is part 3. I hope y’all like it. 

The next few days following the aquarium, Kenny and I were more inseparable than usual. Everywhere we went, we were together. When Dynamite rolled around, the entire locker room was whispering about us. 

I was on my way to the EVP room, when I was stopped by Kris Statlander. “Hey girlie.” She greeted, booping my nose. It twitched at the contact. “I didn’t hear from you much this week, and then I saw the pics of you and Kenny. Spill.” She smiled, with a raised eyebrow. 

I laughed nervously, “There’s nothing to tell. We’re just friends.” She shook her head. I knew what people were saying. “I’m serious, Kris. Just friends who went to the aquarium together.” I defended, moving my hands in a definitive motion. 

“Girl! His eyes were on you, not the damn fish.” She rolled her eyes, “How are you both so clueless?!” She threw her hands up, flabbergasted. She quickly whipped her phone out and pulled up the shark tank picture again and showed it to me, zoomed in on Kenny’s face. “Those are heart eyes, girl. He is in love.” 

There was no way Kenny was in love with me. “Kris, he is literally married to wrestling. No time for relationships.” I pointed out. 

“But he always makes time for you.” She said before walking away to film a bit for BTE. Kenny did always seem to make time for me. I tried to shake her words as I continued my way to the EVP room. Cody had sent me a text earlier in the day saying that creative had a storyline they wanted to pitch to me. 

I opened the door and Cody was there with The Bucks, a writer, and Tony Khan. “Hey, sorry, I rushed here as fast as I could.” I apologized for my tardiness and grabbed a seat next to Cody. 

“Peyton, we want you to have a with Penelope for the number one contender slot for the AEW Women’s Championship.” Tony started to explain. A huge smile crossed my face. Then Nick added, “We want you to face Shida at ‘Winter is coming’”. I shook my head. 

“No fuck--” Cody gave me a stern look, telling me to watch my language, “I mean, no friggin’ way?!?” I couldn’t hide my excitement. Tony handed me the contract for the match at ‘Winter Is Coming’. I looked down at the papers in my hand. “This is legit? Are you sure there isn’t anyone else who deserves this before me?” I questioned, looking up from the packet that held my future. 

“We have pulled all the stats, plus we took in account fan base and Dark comments. You beat Penelope, and you’ll be number one contender.” Matt laid it all out, and I just needed to take it. All it took was one smooth signature and it was booked. 

“Well good evening, folks. It’s Wednesday night, and you know what that means! Thanks for joining us here on Dynamite. Boy do we have a lined up show for you.” I listened to JR announce as I paced back and forth in front of the gorilla monitors. The announce team of JR, Tony, and Excalibur went on to discuss the card for the night. 

To say I was nervous was an understatement. Sure, I had been in the title picture before, but this was completely different. This would be my first title shot in AEW, plus Penelope and I were kicking off the show. That was something that didn’t happen often. Cody was waiting by the curtain, like he always did before my matches, to wish me luck. He immediately could tell that something was wrong. “What’s up, Pey?”

“I’m worried about Kip. It has me thrown off. He’s a wild card.” I mumbled anxiously as I bit at my nails. Cody nodded, giving me a knowing look. He pulled me in by my shoulder.

“You’ll be just fine, kid.” He smiled. I wanted to ask what he meant, but Kenny’s voice filled my ears before I could. 

“Hey, Princess!”  I could tell my face lit up at the sight of him. “I just wanted to say good luck. And ask if you wanted to grab dinner after?” Cody looked at the both of us and sighed. I knew he wanted the heat to die down from the Aquarium photo, for my sake. He had told me many times. I didn’t care though and neither did Kenny. 

“Of course, Omega. Thank you.” I replied quickly, throwing my arms around him for a tight hug. Cody grabbed my attention, letting me know it was my time. I released Kenny, but he grabbed my hand, giving it a light ‘you got this’ squeeze, before letting go. 

“The following contest, with a twenty minute time limit, is scheduled for one fall, introducing first from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, being accompanied to the ring by Kip Sabian, Penelope Ford.” I watched as they made their way into the ring and gave a disgusting show of PDA. 

I fiddled with my jacket, waiting for my music to hit. I instantly regretted letting Brandi talk me into wearing a choker. It suddenly felt too tight. I didn’t have a chance to remove it before I heard the familiar start of “My songs know what you did in the dark”. I composed myself and fixed my hair. I walked out the “Heel” tunnel and onto the ramp.

“And her opponent, from Atlanta, Georgia, well they call her the “Dream Killer”, Peyton Rhodes.” Justin announced my name and the crowd still cheered, which made my heart happy. I quickly made my way into the squared circle, so the bell could ring.  

The match started with a few back and forth blows. Penelope got me into a side headlock, before quickly doing an arm drag. I shot back up to my feet. Again, we locked up, before I drove a knee up into her stomach. I had quickly gained the upper hand in the match. I was getting ready to drop her with a DDT, when I saw Kip pacing outside of the ring. I flipped him a bird and slammed Penelope’s head into the mat. As expected, Kip got involved. He slid into the ring, getting in my face. “Get out of the ring, Kip!” I yelled and he stepped a bit closer. I thought he was going to push me back away from him. 

Suddenly, the crowd erupted in cheers as a figure jumped the barricade and slid into the ring. It was Mox. He pushed Kip back and into the ropes, making him fall through. This distracted Penelope and I took that chance to hit the “dream killer”, my finisher. I got the three count and the bell rang. Aubrey raised my hand and Justin announced me as the winner. 

Jon was still standing at the tunnels when I climbed through the ropes and walked up the stairs. I extended a hand to show respect, which he gladly took and pulled me in for a hug. The fans went wild. “What a reunion it was tonight for Peyton Rhodes and Jon Moxley. Now that Rhodes has defeated Ford, she will go on to face AEW Women’s champion Hikaru Shida for the title at “Winter Is Coming’ on December 2nd.” Tony announced for the viewers at home. 

Cody again was waiting by the curtain for me. “Great match, sis. Jon, thanks for having her back.” He said, like it was all planned. I needed to know what the hell Jon was thinking.

“Dude! You guys are trending!” Matt yelled as he walked up, shoving his phone in my face. It was like I was in a daze. I had no idea why Jon, of all people, got involved in my match. Now, we were trending on social media. Before I could reply, I was being pulled by an assistant to do an interview with Dasha. 

“I’m backstage with Peyton Rhodes. Peyton, what was that?” She asked. I quickly got into character. I flipped my hair over my shoulder, attitude immediately crossing my face. 

“What was that? You’re asking the hard-hitting questions, Dasha.” I mocked her, before continuing. “ Let me tell you what that was. That was me rising to the top of this division, just like I said I would.” I stepped closer to her mic, “That was me letting Shida know that her days as champion are numbered.” I turned to the camera. “Hold onto that title tight, Shida. Because it will be mine very, very soon.” 

Dasha nodded, looking annoyed with how bitchy I was being, “But everyone wants to know what Jon Moxley was doing?” She inquired, pushing the mic back in my face. 

I scoffed, “No comment.” I quickly walked away to find out what the hell just happened. Why did Jon come help me? I tried to find him, but no one had seen where he went. So I settled for finding my brother. I went to his trailer, and banged on the door. 

“Open up, Rhodes.” I shouted, and Brandi came to the door. I looked at her, fuming. “Where is my brother?” I snapped. She just moved to the side, letting me in. Cody was sitting on the couch, like he was waiting for me. What surprised me, was to see Kenny sitting there, too. 

“Glad you could join us, sis. Take a seat.” Cody motioned for me to sit next to Kenny. I cocked a brow, confused, but took the seat anyway. I looked at Kenny about to say something before Cody cut me off. “Since you two are wanting to be the talk of AEW, and have no intentions to listen to me or my advice, Khan wants you to work together.” My mouth dropped. 

“What the hell does that mean?” I growled. Kenny looked at me, shocked, that I was angry that we got to work together. I saw his smile drop instantly. “I mean, Don’t get me wrong, Ken, I would love to work a story with you. But I can’t do the whole ‘escort/manager’ thing again.” I objected, not going down that road again.

Kenny nodded in understanding, “I know. And you know I would never do that to you, Princess.” He ensured me, placing a gentle hand on my knee. 

“I would also never do that to you, Peyton. Trust me, this will be amazing.” Cody predicted, “We have a lot to talk about.” He smirked, taking a seat across from us. “After you left the meeting last week, Tony pulled me aside.” Cody started to explain. 

My mind was racing. What did Tony have in store for me? For Kenny? How in a matter of two weeks did I become number one contender and get to work with my best friend? I looked over at Kenny, who’s blue eyes were focused on what my brother was saying. He looked so happy. I wondered if it was because we got to do a storyline together or because he was getting his shot at the AEW world title? 

“Tony wants you to turn on Moxley.” Those seven words drew me from my thoughts. My whole body went rigid. Did he just say what I think he said? I looked over at Kenny who was smiling like a cat who caught the canary. 

“He wants me to do what?” I asked, wanting Cody to clarify what the fuck he just said to me.