#this whole series means so much to me lmao
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ra-vio · 11 days ago
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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#art summary#i have to clear out my phone. im hoping that if i remove all the nier rein screenshots ill have space#im almost certain its all the rein screenshots cause. they’re bigger than most pics and i had a lot#otherwise im not cooked but god i hope its that easy#i dont make resolutions but i hope i draw more next year#the problem with art summaries is youll have months where you draw a lot#months where yiu draw 10 good things and then every other month is empty#but you drew. so you cant look at art summaries with emoty months and get sad#but like i didn’t draw as much this year lmao too much going on in my head#i was gonna say i rarely drew but i draw so much more than the average person#what i really mean is i didn’t finish anything#i was in my dA gallery the other day and I really used to draw a fully colored piece everyday on high school#absolutely mad. and we (me and my friends) all used to do it#i just had a thought: a majority of my friends draw <- thoughts for later#i had to answer the door so I forgot what i was talking about#i think that. what i was getting at was that behavior really screws up what’s a healthy relationship with art?#like when you’re a kid you have time and when you’re inexperienced and don’t know you’re more forgiving on your mistakes#whereas now if i draw one thing a week thats a job well done to me. im so busy i can’t take it out on myself and i dont#and of course the sms algorithm but I don’t play with the algorithm#but yeah everyone i grew up drawing with friends or ppl i follow stopped drawing or just posting a lot and I’ve been thinking about it a lot#an artist i really like used to post a whole bunch of art dumps everyday. just doodles on different series and i loved seeing them#but they stopoed posting. working on being that kind of artist for me. we got xx art at home situation#if any of that makes sense
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dazais-guardian-angel · 2 years ago
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Dazai truly has become Oda in every way imaginable now. :’ ) the final words he gives to Sigma are the exact same words Oda gives to Dazai in the original scene Asagiri wrote for the end of the Dark Era stage play, 後は頼んだよ, “I will leave the rest to you.”
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And I really love the progression of the way his eyes look in this chapter, and how Sigma is allowed to have this moment of questioning and rebelling against all the faith Dazai had naturally been leading him to place in him up to this point, which is what I hoped would happen. He’s been confused ever since Dazai first chose him, and everything he’s ever known about how everyone sees/treats him turned upside down by Dazai’s words and actions, and just when he’s finally started to feel like he’s found some hope and lowered his guard, Dazai pulls him back underwater, instantly reinforcing all of Sigma’s trust issues and reinforcing that he should never believe in anyone, because (he thinks) everyone lives to manipulate other people. Dazai’s dark eyes here reinforce that, too, and the other panels around this point where they look white and hollow and demonic, all like Fyodor’s. He appears like an evil, looming force pulling him back under, trying to kill him, when Sigma is so close to the freedom of the air he desperately wants (aka free from pain, which is what he’s been seeking his whole life).
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But then Dazai makes this face, and the first one I posted above, and Sigma understands, even without words, that Dazai doesn’t have evil intent: on the contrary, he actually is bound and determined to save his life -- and the light in his eyes comes out through this determination and kindness, arguably the most light we’ve ever seen his eyes have in the entire manga (in the “I leave the rest to you” panel too). The “No” could be Dazai wordlessly telling him to not leave the water, but my first assumption was that it was Sigma telling himself no, stopping his own train of thought about Dazai being the same as Fyodor and someone he shouldn’t have trusted -- he soon realizes why Dazai stopped him, and that he’s still going to try to save him, that he wasn’t wrong about him, and it’s all because Dazai’s earnest expressions get through to him.
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And it’s just so heartwarming to see how far Dazai has come. :’ ) He tried so hard to save Sigma (doing the most physical action we’ve ever seen him do, really), did his best to be reassuring and comforting to him afterwards, and then reaffirmed his promise to ensure he escaped Meursault alive, his final words to Sigma echoing Oda’s and his last action being to save an orphan, just like Oda did in his last moments. Obviously Dazai isn’t actually going to die, he’ll be saved somehow, but I do think as of right now he really does think this is the end for him, and that he didn’t foresee the elevator dropping -- he was examining the wires a few chapters ago because he thought he might need to know how to open the doors in case Fyodor pulled an uno reverse, hence why he looks more annoyed than shocked when the water starts, but here, when the drop collision sequence is initiated, he looks genuinely shook in comparison. There’d be no reason for him to give the thumbs up if he knew more danger was on the way, either; that’d just be cruel. No, I don’t think he saw this coming, and it’s important that that turns out to be the case: it’s important that he spent what he believes to have been his last moments saving someone like Oda wanted for him, and doing what Oda would have done in the same situation. That doesn’t mean that it’s okay that Dazai throws his life away so easily, and cares so little for his own safety; he still has a long way to go in that regard. But it’s still so beautiful to see how much he’s changed, and how much he’s truly begun to embody Oda and his legacy; the fact that he messed up and miscalculated, because Dazai isn’t infallible, but in turn didn’t hesitate to use his last moments to save Sigma. Oda would be so proud for everything he did here. :’ ) 💖
There are a lot of options for how Dazai will be saved, and by who, but personally I hope (and I kind of expect) that Sigma chooses to not give up on him and ultimately plays a role in saving his life, to return the favor and repay him for his kindness. Not only would it be a beautiful way to initiate Sigma’s ADA entrance exam as people have said, but it would bring the Dazai > Atsushi > Sigma chain full circle: Dazai saved Atsushi at the start of the series, allowing him to (spiritually) save Sigma at sky casino thanks to the growth fostered in him by Dazai, and now finally, Sigma could potentially save Dazai thanks to Atsushi kickstarting his own growth (and Dazai continuing it). Fyodor is overly cocky right now and so tunnel-visioned on killing Dazai, it’s possible that he has no idea that Sigma managed to escape the elevator and is now a wild card; even if Sigma doesn’t go as far as killing Fyodor himself (which I don’t want, tbh; that’s endgame stuff arcs down the line and imo Nikolai and Dazai should be the ones involved with that), he could throw a wrench in the jailbreak duel, and help Dazai and Chuuya get out alive. It would be poetic, and only fitting, for Fyodor to underestimate and be outdone by the kind of person Dazai told him is the strongest in chapter 77 -- a self-proclaimed “ordinary man” -- who could only have the strength to take such action thanks to the chain of kindness that Oda originally started. 💖
#bungou stray dogs#bsd 106.5#meta#this chapter was literally everything i could have wanted i am SO EMOTIONAL#I WILL NEVER BE OVER IT#ASAGIRI GIVING ME LITERALLY EVERYTHING I EVER COULD HAVE WANTED#DAZAI HAS GROWN SOOOO MUCH HE'S BECOME SO MUCH LIKE ODA I COULDN'T BE MORE PROUD 😭😭😭💖💖💖#as soon as i saw that big panel of his face i was like........ he looks like oda......... ASAGIRI I SEE YOUUUUUU#AND THE FINAL WORDS#I SEE YOUUUUUUUUUU#ISTG IF DAZAI THINKS ABOUT ODA WHEN HE THINKS HE'S GONNA DIE BEFORE HE GETS SAVED I WILL SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST#ASAGIRI PLEASE THIS IS THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY I WILL CRYYYYYYY 😭🥺🥹💖#Dazai was so much like Oda here and Sigma looked just like Atsushi in that one panel DONT TOUCH MEEEE#THIS WHOLE CHAPTER WAS SO PERFECT#I NEED SIGMA TO SAVE HIM NOW#the longest chapter we've gotten in AGES and it was a banger god bless#tbh i really needed this after season 4 lmao i needed a reminder of why i love this series so much :''''') something to soothe my rage#asagiri saw my bitterness at anime sigma and was like 'here u go babe i got your sigma and dazai and oda feast'#probably means next month will be short again and a pov change lmao 🥲💔#gonna enjoy this while it lasts#anyway i was really happy to see that moment of Sigma getting mad even if it didn't last long (and for a beautiful reason)#because he Deserved that#(because that's what i wrote in my fic and i feel vindicated now even if that wasn't the main focus of this chapter looool oops-)
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aeide-thea · 2 years ago
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god i know that complaining abt fic which most of you haven't read, and which i won't, for politeness' sake, identify in this post, is a great way to come across as both dickish and boring—
but i've been rereading a very long, very satisfyingly plotty series that's a fandom darling and the thing is, when you read like 400k of an author's work at once it really starts to become painfully apparent what their priorities are, by which i mean two things:
holy shit they're obsessed with 'what if strong powerful men who could hurt you didn't (but did hurt Bad Guys) (and it was sexy of them),' which leads into
holy shit they do not appear to have thought through the implications of saying 'i will have my heroes take over the same power structures that have enabled abuse, make no real changes to those structures other than swapping out the leadership, and then claim that everything is wonderful now bc Good Men Are In Charge'??
like. i don't necessarily need every passing fantasy to present me with a coherent, revolutionary system of politics and ethics—sometimes things are just fun and sexy and not especially Examined and that's fine!—but by the time someone's written literally almost half a million words, and done a lot of worldbuilding while they were at it, i am going to start squinting if they seem to think a Good Man can e.g. become an emperor by killing off the leadership of multiple countries and installing puppet kings loyal to him and still remain a Good Man, even if the justification was that the original leadership was maltreating its citizens and deserved to be extrajudicially executed. like. this shit was a bad, autocratic move when the US did it in real life and it's still bad now that you're having our mutual blorbo do it in fiction! and that's not even getting into the whole thing where like. they've got servants who the Good Man and his friends ""treat well"" but who very much remain second-class citizens in terms of how the story actually frames them and their concerns. [this was also a huge issue i had with foz m*adows' most recent book—everyone wants to write about fantasy nobles but they also want to make them good people and it's like. honestly i think it might be better to get comfortable writing about flawed people, but also—if your aristos aren't treating their servants like equals and your text isn't either, you haven't actually cracked the Moral Aristo paradox, sorry!] like, there's nothing that says your story has to depict a fully Healed World, nor should there be! but it's troubling if you seem to be convinced you've written one (and have your wide-eyed love interests constantly marveling at it!) when you very patently haven't.
#in all honesty—i've framed a lot of this as political/ethical critique‚ and like‚ it IS‚ but also—#i'm just really frustrated because like. the whole 'what if people were shockingly nice to you' thing feels like it SHOULD be better for me#but in actual fact i find myself totally turning up my nose at it and i can't totally work out why#i mean i guess part of it is that this author's Traumatized Love Interests are always really innocent victims#which i can't identify with emotionally because i feel like a piece of shit#so i need a story that's more like 'person who's been told they were a monster for so long they believe it gets convinced they aren't'#'(lovingly and sexily)'#but also i think a lot of it just. isn't subtle enough. like i need to have to put pieces together so i'm implicated in my own catharsis#being constantly told 'wow it's so amazing i'm not being abused by this person who COULD abuse me!! that's so sexy of them!'#is just. not doing it for me. like. 'not abusive' is not actually sexy to me‚ unfortunately. i need some character traits.#and unfortunately the ones this author tosses in for flavor ALSO don't convince me#because they never actually manifest in the story. it's like 'oh this character is so prickly—but never actually offends the LI.'#'oh this other character is so gruff—but the LI understands that about them from day one and doesn't take it personally.'#like. if the hero's 'flaws' don't actually cause any problems—they aren't flaws#anyway. i've definitely complained about this exact series multiple times on here at this point#but that's the thing—it's compelling enough i keep going back to it‚ so i get extra-frustrated by its flaws#whereas like. there's a lot of stuff that's much worse that i've been much less frustrated by#because i never had any particular hopes for it#anyway. thx for yr patience in this fully self-inflicted Trying Time‚ lmao#i guess this can get filed under#bookblogging
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unproduciblesmackdown · 2 years ago
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similar to the greentext stuff - i was visiting with my neighbors and their grandkids were around, and I said to this eight year old, "Hey, you wanna know something cool? I was playing the game when the Endermen came out." and his eyes went wide, like this kid looked like i told him i landed on the moon. His grandma thought it was really funny, and she said she has no idea what i'm talking about, but her grandbabies do, and that's incredible to her.
oh that's fun lmao, when minecraft & that update's existed for more than your whole life, and yknow being that young and like Next Year fr is this huge time scale away, a couple of years is a quarter of your life thus far and like maybe nigh half of the part of your life you actually have longterm memories for....i was checking out this dev's blog's archives about a:tdd's release in 2010 & in one entry they compared the implicitly Roughly concurrent release of Minecraft and i was like hey whoah. forever primarily being a game i've Heard Of more than any more direct exposure so i had no precise sense of [before minecraft release] [after minecraft release] Year 0 there but it's like for sure back in thee day when minecraft was a new thing, huh
#add in that [i also basically Heard Of mass effect but that's a game series w/a 2010 median which i had Any knowledge abt already]#so i have that reference point for a still like [niche video for When You've Played These Games For Sure] there but then like#if you were ten or even 5 yrs younger at the time you May Well Be much more at sea as your starting point there#(but i mean not that much; i didn't know a ton. reread those wikipedia plot summaries myself)#enderman came out? happy pride#shoutout to this one time i crossed paths w/this kid who was at the time probably like late middle school early high school age#who started talking abt pokemon like Clearly A Big Interest and i'm like my only Direct experience is playing pokemon go but i know Some#stuff b/c i was 5 in '99 when it was first making that huge splash lol. can make Some remarks....but also just Listening Attentively To You#Monologue like uh huh go off....i sure remember like the Sense of a couple yr's sagacity like being 9 i think reading a book abt 6th or 7th#graders (i.e. two or three yrs older) like My God They Must Be So Mature....#and like ofc when skimming passages as an adult it's like omg l'enfants. Both Perspectives Being Accurate respectively lol#my vintage experiences like i've def saved things on the floppy discs of [save icons imagery]. have heard the dialup tones organically....#but also; say; Home Computers That You Didn't Really Need To Know Much Abt Computers To Use were forever an everyday thing for me#having been born mid '90s....vs like in the '80s being nicher but also like. the programs to amateur code not being As Complex either#like [working on cars] of yore vs more modernly lmao....plus ofc in their designs; opening up a desktop Tower vs what? a tablet??#ppl my age who had more substantial Online Access earlier than i did maybe having at least picked up some html; which i did not lol#also didn't have too much Gamer Experience ever; what i did largely desktop then laptop pc wasd+mouse style....#didn't have a smartphone till maybe 5 yrs after they were starting to become more commonplace#vs that again to an 8 yr old of today [commonplacer smartphones] is your whole life basically too. i remember when we flipped those phones.#(i do fr lol. did have one of those first for a good while.)#granpa granpa....mh being fourteen yrs old meaning like the Teen Fans of Today were probably not watching it as it aired lol#whereas i Was that teen fan of those yesteryears. and all my stories for it like fuckin uhhhhhh [crickets chirping] [studio audience laugh]#though You Don't Need The Fans like mh is a long movie ppl can newly discover Whenever that holds up; plus it has bonus lore#mostly what i could even Possibly bring is just the particularly nicher older bonus lore. but like grandpa simpson (the simpsons) for sure#which is to say: humorously irrelevant & perhaps somewhat cantankerous#whilest i'm vaguely aware there may have also been that minecraft resurgence (esp through streaming?) from 2020 on....#but evidently Like Mh something that continually revives / takes on New Fans / Participants#for sure i might well be playing some tf2 myself if i had the technical capability (i would have the poor personal ability i always did lol#real games of yore but it never gets old also. though i know Of Late there was a bot problem / just neglected maintenance? that get fixed?#These Have Been The Tag Tangents. maxed out thirty tags i know that's right
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thosetwofirefighters · 2 years ago
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was tagged by @mooshkat (thank you friend!!) to list 8 tv shows for my followers to get to know me better!
for someone who repeatedly watches the same shows over and over and hyperfixates on certain fandoms, you’d think this would be easy for me but …. it’s not 😂
1. 9-1-1 2. 9-1-1: Lone Star 3. Young Royals 4. The Mentalist (Patrick Jane my beloved...) 5. Broad City 6. The Good Place 7. Black Mirror 8. Disjointed
I will always be re-watching at least one of these, if not multiple (right now, it's Broad City and 9-1-1 hehe)
anyway, since I just watch the same shows over and over again, I'm excited to see what everyone else watches! @wheelsupin-five (I tried tagging two-cut-lines at first lmao) @paqerings @lilbuddie @the-likesofus @shortsighted-owl @poughkeepsies @alyxmastershipper @leslieknopeinthepit
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magpieinthemorning · 2 years ago
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(I left out the stupid joke)
#on brand for me#i liked this story and was able to enjoy it#only afterwards the race-swapping/'colorblind'/racist casting bothered me ...#especially in this story ....... bc it's such a typical thing that esp. white men do to women and poc#to steal our work and take the credit - esp. bc they think we don't deserve it or 'wouldn't know what to do with it' etc.#precisely because we are women and poc and thus 'beneath them' and they feel entitled to it like a resource/raw material#i have personally experienced it MANY TIMES#so in rian johnson's shitty tv series OF COURSE Gavin is a white guy (the actor is Italian/white)#while the murderers and thieves are a white woman a black man and a meek/'cucky' lmao white man ugh#white men stealing our stories again ... blade runner 2049 all over again :/#in another poker face episode there is a bunch of people laughing at security cam footage of someone dumping the dead body of a black man#and it's apparently 'okay' and 'not racist at all' bc they cast a black man as one of the people laughing#that was really fucked up tbh#natasha lyonne why#i still have to watch if because i love you too much :/#(yeah i'm blocking everyone who tries to argue in the notes lmao)#(and missing the point of Gavin being a 'magpie' but not murdering#and ripping off a whole entire song every single word and note from one single specific person ... jesus christ xD)#('magpie' meaning that he took a sound here a rhythm there a word here a thing there etc but he didn't ever rip off a whole entire thing)#(in real life it happens that songwriters accidentally take a melody or other element from an existing song)#(often they settle it by giving songwriting credits to the original - it was unrealistic in this ep that it would ruin the whole deal)#(but maybe a little bit plausible in this specific scenario since the song was supposed to be their one comeback hit)#(and they didn't have anything else remotely as good)#(while f.ex. ed sheeran has accidentally or not copied melodies before but he's got 50.000 other bangers up his sleeve so it's no big deal)#(like he doesn't lose his entire career over it lol - just some lawsuits once in a while heh)
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leclercsainzz · 2 months ago
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GOOD FOR YOU
PAIRINGS: nicholas alexander chavez x fem!reader
TYPE: social media au
A/N: saw an edit of him w/ this song and had to make a smau based on it:)
yourusername
📍 monte-carlo, monaco
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liked by nicholasalexanderchavez, bellahadid and 677,810 others
yourusername: 🇲🇨
view 5,037 comments
user: girl— who is that?!?!?
user: YN? IS THAT A MAN ON THE LAST POST?
madelyncline: drop dead gorgeous! 🤤
↳ yourusername: says youu, bbyg;)
user: who is that?
user: how much ya’ll wanna bet it’s a formula one driver 😭
↳ user: why do you say that? lmao
↳ user: just a hunch
user: does anyone know who that is??
user: why does he look like @landonorris
user: pretty girl!! 😍
user: whoever it is, he secured a baddie
user: the life i aspire to have
user: babes, don’t be shy, tag him 😔
user: YN, DON’T GATE KEEP THAT MAN FROM US
↳ yourusername: sorry bestie 🤪 #gaslightgatekeepgirlboss
user: if it’s a formula one guy i swear—
user: someone know who it is?!??
user: the prettiest girl ever 😍
drewstarkey: 😉
↳ user: drew?!??? what are you doing here?!?!?
haileybieber: gorgg
user: is she dating drew?!!?
↳ user: can’t be, he’s got a buzz cut
user: ooh to be like yn ln 😭
user: i need to know who that lucky man is
user: who is that??!? im so invested omg
user: girl—
user: OMG 😮 WHAT IF IT’S CHARLES LECLERC??!!?
↳ user: bItch omg— imagine
↳ user: i think he had a gf, no?
↳ user: that man has a new gf every season 😭
user: I NEED ANSWERS
user: i love how everyone is so invested in her new man
user: stunning 😩
nicholasalexanderchavez
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nicholasalexanderchavez: MONSTERS: The Lyle and Erik Menendez Story is streaming now only on @netflix
tagged: @cooperkoch @bardenmantarctic @chloessevigny
view 5,027 comments
user: the series was inaccurate but you and cooper killed it
user: even though the story wasn’t portrayed right, you were great
user: DIMES DIMES DIMES DIMES
↳ user: mother fucking dimes 👏🏼
user: him and cooper deserve an oscar for their performance
user: my new obsession, i swear 😭
user: the eighth slide OMG ANSNS—
user: ariana (YN) what are you doing here?!? 👀
user: my new white boy of the month
↳ user: of the year*
user: even though it was inaccurate, he slayed
user: crushing on him and cooper HARD
user: who’s here because of tiktok???
↳ user: MEEEE
user: i have a crush on him fr 😭
user: i better see him in more movies and/or shows
user: OBSESSED OMG 😍
user: you and cooper have me on my knees omg—
user: soooooo fine
user: i binge watched the whole series in one day
↳ user: i did too 😩
user: ooouu he fit fit
user: ARE YOU SINGLE?!!?
↳ user: asking the right questions 🤣
user: nicholas, one chance is all i’m asking for
user: what a beautiful man 😩
user: anyone else see yn in the likes?
↳ user: she’s so real for that
↳ user: she just like me fr
yourusername
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yourusername: <3
view 5,037 comments
user: i was so convinced she was with drew
user: YN, BABES, WHO IS IT?!? 😭
↳ yourusername: that’s a secret i’ll never tell;)
user: ooooh he buff buff
madisonbaileybabe: face card never declines, oml 😍
user: that’s a HOT back omggg—
user: girl, gives us a hint, please
user: the fourth slide 😩
user: whoever he is, he’s HOT ASF
user: he looks hot, yn’s hot, i love hot people
user: pretty girl
user: and people said that it was that formula one driver 💀
madelyncline: sexyyyy
user: i NEED to know who this man is
user: it’s giving ✨ nicholas alexander chavez ✨
↳ user: LMAOOO, that’s a stretch
user: sexy backkk
user: my wife’s got a boyfriend 😭
user: bItchh- i wanna know who it is
user: tag him, don’t be scared
user: i just know he’s about to become the white boy of the month
↳ yourusername: he already is, babes 😉
↳ user: GIRL— WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??
user: my life depends on knowing who this is
user: yn, who is it?!?!???
user: his back is so hot omg
user: he must be hitting the gym often 👅
madisonbeer: gorggg 😍
user: anyone know who it is?
user: she’s soo pretty
user: who is this man?!
user: where are all the fbi girlies at when you need them??
↳ user: LITERALLY OMGG—
drewstarkey: ��
↳ user: WHAT DO YOU KNOW?!?!?
↳ user: they were supposed to be my endgame frrr 🥺
user: he seems hot
user: gorgeous girl! 😍
nicholasalexanderchavez
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nicholasalexanderchavez: monthly recap
view 4,945 comments
user: SIR—
user: hitting me with a thirst trap already?!?? 👀
user: soooo he ain’t single? 😭
user: wait a min— why does his post correlate with yn’s?
user: one chance, please! just ONE fucken chance 🙏🏼
user: THE FIRST PIC HELLO? THE SHOE?!?
↳ user: i’m confused, what?!?
↳ user: look at yn’s recent post
↳ user: bItch OMG
user: damn, so he taken?!? 💔
user: BARK BARK
user: tag her, you coward 😏
user: sooo fine omg
user: he knows how fine he is, i swear
user: @yourusername is that you?!??
user: THE THIRD POST, HELLO?!!? 👅👅👅
user: got me feeling some type of way, i swear
user: wait, is that really yn?!?
↳ user: it’s what we’re all trying to figure out
cooperkoch: 🙂‍↕️
user: finest man everrrrrrr
user: nicholas this nicholas that— but what about COOPER??
↳ user: say it louder, bestie
↳ user: what did man do to deserve him?!? 😭
user: fuck 🫦 he’s HOT
user: my kind of man right here;)
user: LET ME BE ONE OF YOUR GIRLS, PLEASE
user: something’s purring 🫢
user: white boy of the month frfr
user: cooper’s a cutie in that fourth slide
user: drew liked!! could it be yn?!?
user: girl @yourusername this yo man??!? 👀
user: ALLLLL day AND ALLLLL NIGHT
user: oh my gawddddd 🫦
user: i can cook and clean, if you need someone
user: holyyyyyyy fuck 😍
user: third post is doing something to me 🤤
user: is he dating yn?!?!?
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yourusername
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liked by cooperkoch, drewstarkey and 801,035 others
yourusername: lover era 💋
view 5,036 comments
user: THE HARD LAUNCH WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR
user: bestie?!?!???? omg?!?!? what?!?!?
↳ yourusername: cats out the bag, i guess 🤷🏻‍♀️
user: oMG
user: i feel so single wtf
user: the second and fourth photo 😭
user: we get it, girl, you won
user: HE SECURED THE BADDEST BITCH OMG 😩
madelyncline: ooou she a baddddie 🫦
user: body so tea the british are coming
nicholasalexanderchavez: you look so good, baby
nicholasalexanderchavez: the most beautiful girl ever
nicholasalexanderchavez: i’m so in love with you 😘
↳ yourusername: i love youuuu 💋
cooperkoch: mom & dad
↳ yourusername: we love you, son 🫶🏼
user: ADOPT ME, PleaSE
user: idk who’s luckier 😭 him or her
user: nOt the white boy of the month
user: YN, HIDE THE EDITS FROM HIM
↳ yourusername: he’s seen them all, bestie 🤣 oops
↳ user: OMGGG?!!?
user: bitch omg
user: nicholas this nicholas that … what aBoUt YN?!? 😍
user: motHER frr 🫦
user: bestie, you’re making me feel so single 🥺
user: obx meets monsters?? 😯
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user: YNNICHOLAS IT IS 😍
user: she’s sooo fine omg
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user: mother is mothering ya’ll 😩
user: THE sexiest couple of 2024
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user: he’s soooo 🫦🫦🫦😍😍😩🙂‍↕️😘👅😭🥰😋😍
nicholasalexanderchavez
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liked by cooperkoch, chloessevigny and 894,729 others
nicholasalexanderchavez: 🙂‍↕️
tagged: @yourusername
view 6,936 comments
user: YN, GIRL, tHE TEXT?!??
↳ user: she’s so real for that lmao
user: hELp— the message
user: we get it 😭 you’re taken
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yourusername: we did in fact do those things;)
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yourusername: SEXc 😍
↳ nicholasalexanderchavez: you 😉
yourusername: let me show you how proud i am to be yours;)
↳ nicholasalexanderchavez: heading upstairs right now
user: soo fucken fine oml
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user: i NEED him soo bad omgg 😩
↳ yourusername: same!
user: HOT 🥵
user: yn’s so lucky omg
user: i feel so single wtf
user: TILL THE NEIGHBORS KNOW HIS NAME
user: 🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦
user: @yourusername BABES, HE’S SOOO FINE 😭
user: this man is so fine 😍
user: it’s not a want, it’s a NEED
user: nicholas, let me just be one of your girls 🙏🏼
user: my body had a reaction to the third post
cooperkoch: was the text really necessary? 🤔
↳ user: 😂 cooper
user: thE THIRD POST
user: finest man ever, i swear
user: father of my kids (real) 😩
nicholasalexanderchavez and behindtheblinds
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liked by yourusername, cooperkoch and 866,937 others
behindtheblinds: All eyes on him! Nicholas Alexander Chavez @nicholasalexanderchavez — the next cover star of our new HIGH ROMANCE FW 24 issue —
view 5,836 comments
yourusername: dear lord, when i go to heaven
yourusername: that’s my man, guys 🫦
↳ user: we get it, girl, we get it 😭
↳ user: okay— stop rubbing it on my face, please
↳ nicholasalexanderchavez: all yours baby @yourusername
yourusername: #ineeditdeepinsideme
↳ user: YN?!!?? (you’re so real for this)
yourusername: soooo fine oml 😍
↳ nicholasalexanderchavez: that’s you, my love 😘
user: of course yn is here in the comment being thirsty LMAO
user: YN’s COMMENt 😭
cooperkoch: slayyy
↳ nicholasalexanderchavez: 🫶🏼
user: i’m not a waitress but i’ll take the tip
nicholasalexanderchavez: mwahh
user: WE NEED A COLLAB W CALVIN KLEIN
user: dream ride 😩
user: LORD HAVE MERCY
user: i knew i’d find yn here
user: i wanna thank beyonce for your existence
user: alright— who took my pants?
user: i need to know if he’s seen the edits
↳ user: yn confirmed that he does in fact know about the edits
user: yn, i’m so jealous of you 😭
yourusername: you look soooo good 😍
↳ nicholasalexanderchavez: YOU look good;) you know you do
↳ nicholasalexanderchavez: you better feel good
↳ yourusername: I LOVE YOUUUUU ❤️
↳ nicholasalexanderchavez: I LOVE YOUUUU TOO ❤️
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chancloud8 · 7 days ago
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CHAPTER 2
series masterlist
Pairing: OT8 x reader
Word Count: 4,8k
Tags: bodyguard!ot8, idol!reader, banter
Summary: you're still resisting your new bodyguards and while there seems to be a brat war going on between minho, seungmin and you, you slowly warm up to some of the others. a/n: I nearly deleted the whole chapter and started over like six times while writing this lmao. I hope you like it <3
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With Chan and Minho on your heels you storm into Yoona’s office without knocking. Luckily for you she’s not in a meeting nor is she on the phone or she would have probably fired your ass on the spot. Your manager looks up from her computer and frowns at you.
‘Where’s the fire, Nabi?’ 
‘Don’t Nabi me,’ you hiss, balling your fist to stop yourself from angrily pointing at her. You might be angry, but you still respect the woman. 
‘Ah, so you’re that mad at me,’ Yoona sighs, crossing her arms as she leans back in her chair. ‘Go on then, give me your worst.’ 
You grit your teeth and look over your shoulder at your two future bodyguards, pondering if you should really give Yoona a piece of your mind with them present. Chan looks worried, but when you meet Minho’s gaze he just raises his eyebrows at you, fueling your anger. 
‘They are not moving in with me,’ you growl, taking a step forward to create distance between you and the two men. ‘You can’t force this on me.’ 
Yoona stays silent, knowing you well enough that this won’t be all. 
‘You want them to follow me around all day, fine, but I’m not being watched twenty four seven, Yoon. Even Faris isn’t with me at night now, so why should they?’ 
‘Yeah and look what happened, some lunatic tried to break into your house,’ Minho mumbles. 
‘I moved!’ you yell, turning around to glare at him. 
Minho isn’t impressed and once again raises his eyebrows at you. ‘And you think that no one will find out your new address? I’m sorry to break your bubble, Princess, but stalkers are named just that for a reason and you have some real messed up fans.’ 
‘I also bought a new fancy security system,’ you cross your arms, not breaking your eye contact with him. 
‘Even those can fail, Y/N,’ Chan says, stepping forward with his hands raised as if he’s trying to show you he means no harm. ‘If something really happens it still takes a few minutes for someone to reach you.’ 
He has a point, but you’re not going to give up this easily. 
‘I’ll get a guard dog then,’ you shrug, only partly bluffing. 
Minho snorts and shakes his head. ‘You’re impossible you know, you should be grateful.’ 
‘Grateful?’ you laugh humorlessly. ‘Sure buddy, I’m oh so grateful that I’ll lose even more of my privacy.’ 
They really don’t get it, do they? As an idol you already have little to no privacy, your life being led by your manager and the company you signed under while the media and your fans watch your every move. You love the life, your fans and even the hard work you have to put in, but sometimes the sacrifices still hurt. Sometimes you wish you could experience normal life again, like going to the grocery store or the mall without security or people following you around. 
Minho glares at you and opens his mouth to say something else, but Chan steps in front of him. ‘And we understand,’ he says softly, smiling kindly at you. 
‘Well, I don’t,’ Minho grumbles. 
‘We do,’ Chan keeps his eyes on you as he speaks. ‘I know it will be a sacrifice to share your home with us, but Faris and Yoona picked this house for a reason.’ 
You glance at Yoona and she nods. 
‘It might be a big house, but I’ll still know you’re there. I’ll never be home alone. I won’t be able to walk around in my underwear in my own fucking home or dance on the table while eating ice cream straight out of the carton.’ 
‘You still can if you want to,’ Chan grins. ‘But I get your point and I promise you that we’ll try to be as invisible as possible.’ 
‘There must be another way? Can’t you take turns guarding my door or something?’ you try again. 
‘Selfish much,’ Minho says under his breath and this time Chan also glares at him. 
Anger starts to bubble up in your belly again, but before you can even think about yelling some more, Yoona appears next to you. She wraps her arms around you and presses a kiss against your temple.
'Just get over it, darling, this is happening.’ she says. ‘Now go home and enjoy the peace and quiet while you still can. Tomorrow Minho, Felix and Hyunjin will join you for training and by this weekend they will all move in.’ 
You open your mouth to protest some more, but Yoona is already walking back to her desk, letting you know that this conversation is over. You know her well enough to know that no matter what you say or how much you beg, she won’t change her mind on this. When you risk to glance at the men, Minho grins at you and Chan smiles. 
‘Fuck my life,’ you mutter. 
****
You don't talk to any of the men again and just ask Faris to take you home so you can spend the rest of the day mopping in your room filled with unpacked boxes while Faris sits downstairs doing god knows what.
The next day you feel a little better and when you eat your breakfast you text Jisung.
You: Sorry about storming out yesterday.
Jisung:You’re already forgiven (by me at least)
You: Tell Minho to leave his judgement at home
Jisung:How did you know I was with him?
You:Lucky guess. Will you be at the company today?
Jisung:Yes, I'm already on my way. Chan is picking you up.
You frown at your phone and look at Faris who's reading the paper across from you while sipping his tea.
'You’re not coming with me today?' You ask him, pushing away your half eaten bowl of porridge.
Faris looks up with a smile. 'Ji-a has an appointment I'd like to be at, so I asked Chan to be with you until I'm back.'
'Oh, of course,' you give him a small smile in return. 'You should definitely be with Ji-a.'
Faris folds up the paper. 'It will be good for you to spend some time with him, Nabi, just give him a chance.'
'Yeah, okay,' you nod. 'I'll try.'
‘Good,’ Faris smiles. ‘I’m sure you’ll grow to love them.’
‘We’ll see,’ you smile back. ‘Chan and Jisung seem really nice at least.’ 
When the man beams at you, you promise yourself you’ll try to be a bit easier on the whole situation, if only to make Faris happy. 
Chan arrives shortly after you clean up your breakfast and you quickly grab your bag and trusty water bottle, trying very hard not to stare at how good he looks in his dark blue suit. It's a crime really and you already know that one of these days he’s going to catch you staring. 
‘You ready?’ Chan asks.
You nod and wave at Faris. ‘Give Ji-a my love.’ 
‘Will do, Nabi. Try and not piss off too many people today, yeah?’ 
You laugh. ‘Can’t make any promises, but I’ll try.’
Chan chuckles as he holds open the front door for you. ‘Should I warn the others?’ 
You shrug as you follow him to the car, already taking out your phone to text Jisung you’re on your way. He quickly replies with a thumbs up. 
‘Why don’t you sit next to me?’ Chan asks when you reach the car. ‘I’d like to talk a bit if that’s alright.’ 
‘Oh, sure,’ you nod before walking around the car to get to the other side. 
The smell of coffee and sandalwood hits your nose as you get into the passenger seat and you smile in surprise. There’s two to go cups on the dashboard and the sandalwood must either be Chan’s cologne or some sort of car perfume. It smells nice. 
Chan sits down behind the wheel and when you’re buckled up he reaches for one of the coffee cups and hands it to you. ‘Faris said you like cappuccino.’ 
Your mouth forms a surprised ‘oh’ and you happily wrap your fingers around the cup. ‘Thank you,’ you smile genuinely at him. ‘Caffeine is the way to my heart.’ 
Chan chuckles and starts the car. ‘I’ll remember that.’ 
You take a sip of your coffee and close your eyes when the creamy taste of a perfect cappuccino hits your tongue. 
‘Where did you get this?’ you ask Chan, twisting the cup in your hand to look for a logo or anything that will tell you where it’s from. 
‘It’s self made,’ Chan says, his eyes on the road. ‘Do you like it?’ 
Your eyes widen in surprise and you take another sip, nodding happily. ‘You made it? It's delicious.’ 
‘No, I don’t like coffee, but we have a fancy coffee machine at our dorm. The guys are very particular about their coffee and prefer to make their own.’
‘I guess that will be one pro about you moving in,’ you sigh. ‘So who made it then?’ 
‘If I tell you, will you tell them thank you?’ 
You look at Chan with narrowed eyes, taking notice of the grin on his face. 
‘It’s Minho isn’t it?’ 
‘Yes, he’s the coffee king in our dorm.’ 
‘Damnit,’ you mutter. 
Chan laughs and you can’t help but smile. His laugh is adorable and you notice he giggles a lot too. It doesn’t fit his bad boy image, but you like it. 
‘So, will you?’ Chan asks, looking at you. 
‘Thank him? Hmm probably not.’ 
‘Why not?’ 
You snort. ‘He’s a brat.’ 
‘He says the same thing about you,’ Chan smiles. 
‘Of course he does,’ you roll your eyes and take another sip of your coffee. ‘He’s lucky he makes good coffee.’ 
‘He’s also a really good dancer.’ 
‘And you’re not just saying this cause you’re biased?’ 
Chan laughs again and damnit you could get used to that sound. ‘I probably am, but both Minho and Hyunjin danced professionally before they joined the program. Minho has even toured before.’ 
You blink at that piece of information and purse your lips. He must be good if he toured with an idol before, they don’t just hire anybody. 
‘What about Felix?’ you ask, steering the conversation away from Minho. 
‘He mostly danced for fun, but took a preference to martial arts. He’s very flexible and I’ve been told he picks up choreography crazy fast.’ 
All of this makes you very curious to see the three of them in action in a bit and a small part of you secretly hopes that they’re not as good as Chan and Yoona say, because if they are, it gives you one less reason to dislike them and you’re not ready to make friends with either of the men that are rooting up your privacy. 
During the rest of the ride you stay silent, looking out of the window and humming along with the music Chan puts on. He doesn’t push you to talk and you’re grateful for that. Chan seems great and you’re sure that in time you’ll get along splendidly, but for now you simply refuse to make too much of an effort and if that makes you the brat Minho thinks you are, so be it. 
The company building looms up before you and you quickly finish up your coffee as Chan maneuvers the car into the parking garage. As soon as the car stands still, you open the door and jump out, not waiting for Chan. 
‘Y/N!’ Chan calls out after you. ‘Wait up!’ 
You ignore him and press the button for the elevator, tapping your foot as you wait for the doors to open. Luck isn’t on your side and it doesn’t take long before footsteps sound behind you. Gritting your teeth in annoyance, you turn around to face Chan while trying to decide if you should apologize for running or not. 
Your eyes widen when you’re not met with Chan’s face. 
‘I knew you’d be a runner,’ Seungmin says, shaking his head like he’s disappointed to be proven right. 
Before you can argue, Chan appears beside him, frowning and holding your water bottle in his hands. Shit. The look on Chan’s face actually makes you feel guilty for running out on him like that.
‘I’m sorry,’ you say. ‘I–’
‘Are you though?’ Seungmin interrupts you, crossing his arms. 
You glare at him. ‘I am actually, stop being a–’ 
‘A little brat like you?’ a new voice pipes up. ‘That’s impossible.’ 
Minho. Of course. 
You roll your eyes at him and turn to face the elevator again. ‘Please, I just walked to the elevator without Chan, if that makes me a brat, it makes you a bit of a drama queen don’t you think.’ 
A hand grabs your wrist and pulls so you have to turn around. 
‘I don’t,’ Minho glowers at you. ‘We are here for a reason and you better start to accept it soon or one of these days something will actually happen.’ 
‘Min,’ Chan puts his hand on Minho’s shoulder. ‘Let’s all calm down here.’ 
The elevator doors finally open and you pull your wrist out of Minho’s grip and get inside, pushing the button for the second floor. 
‘Yes, calm your ass down, nothing happened,’ you mumble in their direction. ‘I was without Chan for about ten seconds.’ 
‘That’s all it can take,’ Seungmin says, standing beside you. 
Chan gives you a pleading look as if to say ‘please don’t fight this.’ 
You hold up your hands in surrender, but you don’t say anything. The tension in the elevator is thick and you're glad it’s only a short ride up. Minho leaves without saying anything else and you’re already dreading dance training later. 
‘Come on,’ Chan says, gently placing his hand on your back and pushing you in the direction of your studio. ‘I think we need to have a proper talk.’ 
Seungmin follows and you can’t help but throw him an annoyed look over your shoulder. He just rolls his eyes at you and you grit your teeth, looking ahead again. You might try with Chan and Jisung, but Seungmin and Minho could bite your ass. 
‘Here,’ Chan says, handing you your water bottle. ‘You left this when you jumped out in a hurry.’ 
You open your mouth to apologize, but Chan shakes his head and gives you a sad smile. ‘No need to apologize when you don’t really mean it. I’ll earn your trust eventually.’ 
God damnit, why does this man need to have such adorable puppy eyes and cute dimples you want to poke with your finger. 
'Good morning!' Jisung greets you with a grin when you step into his office. He’s behind his desk that’s littered with papers, two cups of coffee and an empty bowl that probably held ramen if you guessed the smell that lingers in the room correctly. ‘How are we feeling today?’ 
‘She already ran away from Channie Hyung,’ Seungmin says as he drops down on the couch. 
You groan in annoyance. ‘I don’t think you can count walking ahead to the elevator as running away, but okay.’ 
‘You still should have waited for me,’ Chan says, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. ‘I don’t care that we’re inside your company, you need to stick close to at least one of us at all times.’ 
‘Okay,’ Jisung claps his hands. ‘I see you’re all feeling fine on this beautiful morning, but I haven’t had enough coffee yet for arguing.’ 
‘Preach,’ you mumble, sharing a grin with your new assistant. 
‘You had two coffees already,’ Chan frowns, eying the two cups on the desk. 
‘One actually, the other one was Minho’s,’ Jisung says and he chuckles when you pull a face at his name. ‘How about we all take a little time to wake up some more. Maybe you guys can get us some more coffee while I talk with Y/N here about some of the rules we came up with?’ 
‘Rules? Jisung, come on, I thought you were on my side here,’ you sigh, pouting at him. ‘I’m not a child, you don’t have to give me rules.’ 
‘Apparently we do,’ Seungmin says. 
‘You’re really getting on my nerves here, buddy,’ you glower at him. ‘If anything it’s behaviour like yours and Minho’s that sets me off, so how about I give you some rules of my own huh?’ 
Seungmin snorts and cocks his head. ‘You have no say in this, missy, you’re not our boss.’ 
Jisung quickly grabs your arm when you’re about to jump forward. 
‘Minnie, get the fuck out of here,’ Jisung says, pointing to the door with a serious look on his face. ‘You’re not helping.’ 
‘Yeah, minnie,’ you grin. ‘Don’t let the door hit you on your way out.’ 
Seungmin just laughs and stands up, holding your gaze. ‘Sure thing, but remember that I’ll be watching you closely, little fly.’ 
‘Seungmin,’ Chan’s voice sounds stern and you grin at him, waving sweetly. 
‘Bye now.’ 
‘You know you’re not helping, right?’ Jisung chuckles, letting go of your arm as Seungmin and Chan disappear into the hallway. 
‘I know, he just brings out the worst in me I guess,’ you admit with a grimace. ‘You might have already gathered this, but I don’t really like to be told what to do and I’m very stubborn.’ 
‘You don’t say,’ Jisung gasps, acting like he’s surprised. 
‘Oh shut up,’ you laugh. ‘You would be too when you’re a famous idol with no real say about basically anything you do. I can’t really act out about it, because I chose to be here and I’m grateful about it too, but sometimes it just gets too much you know. I guess you guys are just an easy target for me to lash out at, at the moment.’ You blink when you realize what you just told him and clear your throat. ‘I didn’t mean to drop that on you, sorry.’ 
‘Don’t be,’ Jisung says, grabbing your hand and giving it a little squeeze. ‘I’m glad you did. I can’t even imagine the pressure you must be under constantly and us coming in after what I think is a pretty scary moment in your life, probably doesn’t help.’ 
‘Not really, but maybe Minho was right and I should be a bit more grateful, at least towards my company, that they care enough about me to hire a shit load of bodyguards.’
‘Maybe,’ Jisung smiles. 
‘If you tell Minho I said that, I will kick your ass,’ you threaten. ‘I’m nowhere near ready to be nice to him.’ 
Jisung laughs and holds up his hands. ‘My lips are sealed, I’m just glad you’ve seemed to accept me at least.’ 
‘You’re very easy to like,’ you shrug. ‘And maybe it helps that you also pose as my assistant, so it feels less like you’re watching my every move.’ 
Jisung hums. ‘Maybe, but I’ll be with you just as much, if not more.’ 
For some reason that thought doesn’t bother you as much and you sigh, leaning against the desk. ‘Well, since I like you right now, let me apologize in advance for when I’m in a mood. Caffeine and food usually helps though.’
‘Good to know, are you ready to go over some of our rules now?’ 
‘What if I say no?’ 
Jisung chuckles. ‘I’ll email them to you, print them out and hang them all over your studio and I’ll keep texting you until you read it anyway.’ 
While you only just met him yesterday, you somehow know he would actually do all that. 
‘Fine, tell me.’ 
‘It’s pretty simple actually. You’re not to go anywhere with at least one of us present, even inside the company.’ 
You make a face, but don’t interrupt as Jisung continues. 
‘If you need to go to the bathroom we won’t go in with you obviously, but other than that you shouldn’t be alone unless it’s in the comfort of your own bedroom of course. If you want to go out, just tell us in advance so we can scout the area if needed and make sure there’s enough security. When you want to go somewhere with Felix, Hyunjin or Minho, someone else still needs to go with you so your fans will know you always have a bodyguard.’
‘I’m sorry, I know I’ve asked this a million times already, but is this really necessary? You talk like I’m a fucking royal in line for the throne.’ 
Jisung shrugs. ‘Until Chan and Yoona feel the threats against you are down and there are no more assaults, yes we do think it’s necessary. I know it seems excessive, but trust me that you’re not the only idol who gained a team of bodyguards.’ 
Somehow that thought hasn’t even crossed your mind. It makes sense though, with the increase of accidents and violence against idols, especially the girl groups and solo artists. It’s insane really and it makes you sad to live in a world where people think it’s okay to act like this. 
‘I didn’t know that. I really need more friends in this idol world,’ you mutter, looking down at your hands. 
Sure you met other idols before and while you get along great with a few, they were all in groups and you always feel like the odd one out when you hang out with them. 
Chan comes back inside then, carrying two coffee cups and a brown bag. ‘I come bearing treats.’ 
You share a look with Jisung. ‘Bribing me with caffeine and food, huh I see how it is,’ you joke, remembering what you told Jisung earlier and loving how Chan’s lips immediately turn up in a smile. 
‘Don’t tell me you’re that easy,’ Jisung laughs next to you, poking your side. 
‘Yah!’ you squeak out. 
Jisung’s eyes sparkle. ‘Are you ticklish?’ 
‘No.’ your eyes widen. ‘You just startled me.’ 
No way are you going to let him know this weakness of yours. Besides, you can get crazy violent when someone won’t stop tickling you. You once kicked your uncle in the face when you couldn’t breathe anymore from laughing. 
‘Mhm, sure,’ Jisung grins, but he doesn’t try again and turns to Chan to grab the coffee. ‘Thanks Hyung.’ 
After your second coffee, Chan comes with you to your studio and you spend the rest of the morning working on your new songs with your headphones on. Occasionally you glance up to look at Chan, but never meet his gaze as he quietly works on his laptop. 
At first it goes well, you’re in a nice flow and happy with the results, but then you get to the song you’ve been struggling with for over a month already. There’s something missing, there must be, but you just can’t put your finger on what it is exactly. 
‘Ugghh,’ you let out a frustrated groan when you listen to it again, letting your head drop to the desk with a loud thud. 
There’s a headache developing behind your eyes and you blindly reach for your water bottle. Your fingertips touch the bottle, but it’s too far away to actually reach it. With another groan you lift your head and stretch your arm a little further. 
‘You doing okay over there?’ Chan asks from his spot on the couch, his voice sounding far away thanks to your headphones. 
‘Peachy,’ you reply, pulling the bottle towards you with a victorious smile. 
You pull your headphones down to hang around your neck, chug some water and then turn your chair to look at Chan properly. He’s already looking at you, a frown on his face and you can basically taste his disapproval. 
‘Don’t even try and lecture me on working this long without breaks and for not having proper light, I know this headache is my own fault,’ you say before he can even open his mouth to scold you like Faris usually would. 
He blinks in surprise, but then he lets out a laugh and nods. 
‘Alright, I won’t say anything, but do you want to tell me what’s troubling you?’ 
It’s your turn to blink at him now. ‘Huh?’ you let out dumbly. 
Chan laughs again and gets up from the couch, putting his laptop aside. He pulls out the second chair at your desk and sits down next to you, his head tipping towards your computer. 
‘You’re obviously struggling with something. Is it lyrics? The beat?’ 
Your first instinct is to snap at him, to tell him to mind his own business, but he’s looking at you so sincerely that you can’t help but sag your shoulders and give in. 
‘I’m not sure actually, that’s the problem,’ you admit, debating if you want to play the song for him or not. Faris did tell you that Chan, Jisung and Changbin used to make music. Fuck it. You’re going crazy if you don’t fix this anytime soon. ‘Would you like to hear it?’ 
The surprise is clear on Chan’s face, but he nods immediately and holds out his hands for your headphones. Nervous butterflies twirl in your stomach and with a deep breath you hand them to him before you can change your mind. He puts them on and gives you an encouraging smile. 
Biting your lip you press play and watch as his eyes widen when the music starts. It's a catchy beat and you can’t help but smile when his head starts to bop up and down. His face doesn’t give anything away and you nervously play with the bracelets around your wrist as you wait for him to finish. 
‘Wow,’ Chan says, putting the headphones down. ‘I knew you were good, but this..’ he shakes his head with a smile. ‘It’s really good Y/N, like really really good.’ 
You feel your cheeks heating up at his praise. ‘Thank you.’ 
‘I think I know what you mean though,’ Chan says and he points at your laptop. ‘May I?’ 
You frown and look between him and your precious laptop that holds all your hard work. 
‘I think it’s a very easy fix with the beat in the bridge,’ Chan smiles. ‘You can do it yourself, I just want to point out where I think it is.’ 
It’s clear to you he knows what he’s talking about and you’re curious to find out which part he means. You slowly push your laptop over to him and get rewarded with a wide grin. For the next hour the two of you work on the bridge, editing and adjusting the melody. Your cheeks hurt from smiling when the song keeps sounding better with every adjustment you make. 
‘You could be a producer,’ you tease, when Chan offers another idea to add to the song. 
A knock on the door causes the two of you to look up and you don’t know why, but you feel like a kid getting caught stealing candy. It’s not like Chan isn’t allowed to help you, but it hits you then what you’re doing and your body tenses anyways. 
‘Hyung? Noona?’ a deep voice calls out that you immediately recognize as Felix. 
‘Come in,’ you yell, quickly saving the progress of your song and closing your laptop. 
The door opens and Felix sticks his head inside, grinning when he sees you and Chan huddled together at your desk. You quickly jump up, causing both men to laugh at the panicked look on your face. 
‘No worries, I won’t tell Yoona or Minho you’re warming up to Channie Hyung,’ Felix smiles. 
‘That’s not it,’ you blush, turning around to grab your bag and water bottle. ‘I’m late for practice aren’t I?’ 
Felix nods. ‘Minho sent me to get you.’ 
You growl at the sound of his name and Chan snickers, standing up as well. ‘I’ll walk with you and get you some food seeing as you haven’t eaten anything since this morning.’ 
‘You don’t have to, I don’t think I can eat much before dancing anyways or I’ll feel sick.’ 
‘I have a banana in my bag if you want,’ Felix offers, rummaging around in his bag and holding up the yellow fruit for you. 
‘Perfect, thank you Felix,’ you smile, accepting the banana. You turn to Chan as you start to peel it. ‘I promise I’ll eat a proper meal after practice. You should have lunch, I’ll be fine with Felix here, right?’ 
You bite off the tip of the banana as you look at Felix and the blonde nods, his eyes flicking to your mouth for a moment before he blushes and looks at Chan. 
‘We’ll be fine Channie,’ he agrees with you. ‘It’s one floor down and Minho and Jin are already there warming up with the others.’ 
‘Alright, just keep an eye on Minho. These two are likely to bite each other's heads off,’ Chan sighs, patting Felix’s shoulder. 
You snort and take another bite of your banana. 
‘I’ll bite something else if he isn’t careful.’
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a/n: I wanted to add dance practise to this chapter, but it already got way longer than I planned so next chapter it is ;) I really hope you still like it, even if it might move a little slow -i guess thats slow burn and a multi chaptered fic tho- big smooch to you all <3 taglist: @jaeminie-cricket @jeonginsbaee @staylovesmiley @newbbystay @cashtonsbetch @mariahxrrera @kaleigh-2002 @silencionyx @smileykiddie08 @my-neurodivergent-world @yaorzu-blog @yoongiismylove2018 @staytinyluv @bookswillfindyouaway @queen-thiccness @notastraykid @ateez-atiny380 @estella-novella @furfoxsake22 @hyunjinhoexxx @insomnjen @girl-in-love-with-kpop @vivilovesuu @velvetmoonlght @skz8love @corgilover20 @littlelostdemonofthelight @stephanieeeyang @zulie-and-cats @chanshugsaretherapy @pizzalove5000 @dazzlingjade @milie-com @thequibbie @channiesrightasscheek @strawbrriz @eastjonowhere @stellmeiv @bookishcaptain @flylis @deadpool15 @0325ale @thatgirlangelb @iknow-uknow-leeknow @nchhuhi @shycreationdreamland @readr1221 @beewilko
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satoruxx · 5 months ago
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THE SPACE BETWEEN COMFORT AND CHAOS.
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✧ PAIRING: wolf!toji fushiguro x f!reader | 5k words
✧ SUMMARY: wolfhybrid!toji, hybrid au, grumpy x sunshine, animalistic behavior, bickering, mentions of injuries, hints at past violence/abuse, societal inequality, arguments, medical equipment, toji is a little less of an asshole in this lmao !!
✧ RHEYA'S NOTE: and here's part three !! i didn't expect it to be this long but here we are lmao. pls make sure to read the previous parts before this one to understand what's going on !! anyways i hope you enjoy :33
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toji has only been with you for two days, and you can already confidently say that stubbornness is a staple for him.
the first morning, he had stayed in his room until you had gotten up, only ambling outside when he heard the sound of you moving around in the kitchen. it was only then that it dawned upon you that you hadn't given him anything to eat after his shower the previous night, and he watched you practically trip over yourself trying to apologize.
when you asked why he didn't just ask for food, he only shrugged his shoulders with an adamant scowl, and that's when you knew you'd have to be the one to suggest things for him. because if you don't say it, toji will not ask for it.
the first day had passed by rather unceremoniously. after you fed him a heavy breakfast, which he had tore into with no hesitation, he just lumbered back into the room and fell asleep again. you didn't really know what to do—perhaps he was just exhausted from all the injuries and spending time outdoors.
so you didn't bother him. he spent the rest of the day repeating this cycle, coming out for food and then going back in. only later at night, you had finally bothered him, telling him that you'd replace the bandages you tied the previous night after he showered.
so that's what you did, and he nodded at you in a silent goodnight before heading back in. you must've saw him for maybe two hours in the whole day.
but today your approach is different.
you'd be lying if you said you weren't concerned about his injuries, because you know there is only so much you can do with your first aid kit at home. besides toji is as silent as he is stubborn—you have no clue what other injuries he's hiding from you. and that's what you're trying to reason out with him now.
it's not going well.
"toji please," you beg, trying to push yourself into his line of sight. "i promise they'll help you."
"no. no way," he hisses back, baring his teeth. "they'll just send me back to that hellhole."
"no they won't! they'd want to help you get better!" you're feeling more and more desperate as his stubbornness rises. you're not nearly smart enough to know how to treat even a quarter of his wounds. besides, toji had been on the streets for at least over a month—isn't it smart to want a doctor to check it out?
"maybe they'd wanna help," he grunts, crossing his arms. there's a hint of panic coursing through his veins, but he masks it well with rapidly rising irritation. "but they will send me back. don't you get it? i'm a wild animal. they aren't gonna send me out to go roam the streets. they'll send me back to the ring because they know i'll be kept under control there."
your shoulders slump, watching as he takes a seat on your couch—he keeps himself pressed to the very corner of it, and that just makes you feel more miserable. you take a seat on the other side, keeping your distance.
"okay, no big hospitals," you acquiesce. "but i definitely don't know how to fix those kinds of injuries."
toji half-heartedly shrugs, a wry smirk tugging at his scarred lips. "who cares? i'm tough, they'll heal."
you grimace. "definitely not. they'll probably get infected."
toji holds up his bandaged arm with a canine grin. "what d'ya mean? you did a pretty good job with this."
you pout at that, oddly embarrassed, but you remain steadfast in your argument. "all i did was disinfect it and wrap it up. but that doesn't mean that's all it needs. what if you need stitches or something?"
toji sighs heavily, fingers loosely curling around his wounded arm. he won't deny that you've been spectacularly caring for him over the past two days. and it's not like he really wants to upset you or anything.
but he has gone through too much to risk even a chance at being thrown back underground.
"i'll live," he sighs. he doesn't know much about being polite, but he does know that he doesn't enjoy the idea of being mean to you. for some reason he thinks that would just make him feel shitty. he's not sure why though—he's never been interested in what humans think anyway.
your eyes narrow, aggrieved. "if i find someplace that won't turn you in, then will you come?"
your relentless pursuit makes toji want to roll his eyes. he's not sure why you don't just take no for an answer. but he wants you to drop the conversation, so he just replies with a huffed, "sure."
there's no place you could take him that wasn't going to rat him out anyway. if you wanted to give him medical care, they would always ask for his details. and when they find out that he's not yours, and that he's come from off the streets, they will no doubt send out an alert.
and then it's only a matter of time before he's being thrown in the back of a van, drugs pumping through his veins.
he'd much rather stay in your cozy little space for as long as you'll let him, drunk off the comfort of good food and a roof over his head.
but toji did not realize that he had severely underestimated your sense of determination.
and that's how he finds himself sitting in an examination room, with you nervously tapping your foot against the floor. the muscles in his face hurt from how long he's been glaring at the wall, too angry to look at you. he knows you probably mean well, but he's almost sure that he'll never see you again after this appointment.
he's prepared to be dragged out of the building by a group of guards holding heavy tranquilizer guns—like so many of his kind before him.
"you're still mad." you say it like a statement, unamused, and toji huffs in return.
"you're underestimating how strong i am." he gives you a sidelong glance, and you bristle, crossing your arms and giving him a defiant stare.
"i think you're overestimating how strong you are." you shake your head, the defiance melting into earnest. "seriously though. i don't know much about treating wounds and i really don't want it to get worse."
he throws you an indifferent glance. "what's the point if they just send me back down there? at that point, little scrapes won't fucking matter."
you purse your lips. "i'm telling you, no one will snitch here."
"how are you so sure?" toji hisses back, ears pointing upward. you don't flinch, opening your mouth to answer.
"well—"
a knock interrupts you, and you both look to the door. toji's hackles rise almost immediatley, a low growl rumbling in his throat—something is off.
he can smell it.
the doctor walks in, blonde hair neatly pushed back and large frame covered in a white coat. his smile is friendly and mature, demeanor calm, and yet all toji can focus on is that this doctor is not human.
the short and rounded brown ears sitting atop his head is a clear indication.
toji almost hops off the bed. he has half a mind to take your arm and drag you out of there because why on earth is there a predator hybrid here at the doctor's office?
but before he can make a move, you're smiling wide at the blonde, voice coming out sweet and casual. "hi kento."
toji blanches, watching this "kento" guy exchange pleasantries with you like it's the most natural thing in the world.
do you just make it your business to go out and become friendly with dangerous predator hybrids? because toji cannot understand how a little human like you knows a fucking bear hybrid so well.
"is this him?" the doctor asks, finally looking at toji perched on the examination bed. you nod mutely, eyes raking over his figure.
the blonde steps forward, reassurance rolling off of him in waves because he can probably smell toji's apprehension. you do your best to bridge the gap.
"um toji, this is kento nanami." you motion to the blonde, who is watching toji like he's a specimen under a microscope—it makes toji's skin prickle. "kento, this is toji…um…"
he realizes that you're missing information and he spits out his last name quickly. "fushiguro."
"pleasure to meet you," nanami nods courteously. "though i wish it was under better circumstances."
"you're a hybrid." toji blurts it out before he can think twice. you throw him a semi-disapproving glance, but he doesn't pay it any mind, gaze too focused on the doctor's clearly animalistic traits. he recieves a placating smile in return.
"i am," kento nods, looking down at the chart in his hands. "and it seems like you are too. wolf right?"
"yeah," toji nods absentmindedly, trying to brush past all of this. he's more curious about the bear so casually standing in front of him. a hybrid even being allowed into a position as highly respected as a doctor is already an amazing feat—that hybrid being a predator hybrid was even more shocking.
"like i said on the phone, he's got some cuts and scrapes on his stomach and arm. i didn't know how serious they were…" your voice trails off, and the blonde nods indulgently.
"it's good you brought him in. they might be infected or need further care."
he turns to toji, whose ears remain alert and upright, and picks up his stethoscope. when he approaches, toji bares his teeth, snarling.
he can see you grimace from his peripheral. "toji—"
"it's okay," nanami holds up a palm, before pinning toji with an unwavering stare. "you're worried about confidentiality right?"
"there's no way a fucking doctor can get around this," toji spits in return. his palms are sweating. all he wants to do is drag you out of there and go hide in your home, because there is no other place that is safe. "i don't trust you."
"you don't have to trust me. but…" the doctor subtly nods his head in your direction. "do you trust her?"
toji's eyes flicker over to yours, watching the tense worry swirl within them, and he grumbles incoherently. his stomach flips in on itself. nanami takes his reluctance as a go ahead, pressing the metal of the diaphragm against toji's chest.
the wolf remains silent, though he is still irritated.
"relax," nanami sighs. "i won't tell anyone. trust me, i know how hard it is to make it out of there."
toji watches with rapt attention as kento lifts his stethoscope off, and his green eyes zero in on the branded numbers burned just under the doctor's jaw—0703.
toji's skin tingles, just where his own numbers are burned. 1231.
bile rises in his throat, but he pushes it down.
"you got out," toji mumbles, not able to keep the surprise out of his tone. nanami nods, a soft smile on his face as he writes down toji's heartrate on his chart.
"about seven years ago." he nudges his glasses further up his nose. "i made a run for it and then laid low for a few months. after some time, they called off the search."
"huh," toji grunts, disbelieving. he's not quite sure how this guy has managed it, but clearly he's done something right to be standing in front of him.
"of course, i was lucky," kento laments, motioning for toji to hold out his wounded arm—he does so wordlessly. "i was not an extremely popular or sought out fighter, so they didn't put that much effort into trying to find me."
toji believes that. bears tend to be on the gentler side of the predator groups, and while he's sure nanami could easily handle himself in a fight, it is always the more aggressive hybrids that are the most popular.
he would know after all.
"after that, it was just about finding another place to build up my life again." toji barely registers that the doctor has begun numbing his arm, too focused on his anecdote. from the corner of his eye, he can see that you're listening in with rapt attention. "i decided i'd make use of my freedom and pursue my dream career."
you and toji spend the next half an hour listening to nanami talk about his experiences. all the while, the doctor skillfully stitches toji's wounds up, never once faltering in his movements. he talks about the escape plan, the relentless pursuit of soldiers, of remaining in hiding until freedom was finally found. toji feels an odd sense of camaraderie, knowing that he has gone through quite a similar process in the last few months.
nanami explains that laying low was the hardest part, always on edge while stepping into the light because you can never be sure who's hiding in the shadows.
toji will never say this out loud, but thank god he found you.
"since then i've made it my job to help others like me," kento finally finishes securing the bandages around toji's abdomen, before looking up with a half smile.
the wolf mutely stares back. he recognizes that his body has relaxed in the doctor's presence, and his gaze flickers up to meet yours. there's a look of satisfaction sitting in your eyes, probably relieved to see that his wounds have actually been taken care of.
when you notice him looking, you give him a soft smile—he expertly looks away.
"trust me. i won't tell anyone about you." nanami stands up straight, fixing his glasses, before giving you a warm smile. "besides, she's an old friend."
the doctor nods at you, and toji suddenly feels a strange streak of irritability, especially because you beam in return—so grateful and sweet. a stone sits heavy in the wolf's stomach.
"i really appreciate this, kento." you look at the blonde earnestly. "it took a lot of convincing to get him to come get checked out."
"it's good you did." nanami pins toji with a knowing stare. "conditions are rough back there. usually hybrids have more injuries than they know."
"really?" you look between the two of them meekly, and toji has half a mind to tell nanami to stop talking—worry is not a good expression on you.
"they don't usually treat their hybrids when they get injured in fights. so yes, a lot of them tend to have past injuries that don't quite heal." you nervously assess toji's body with your eyes, and the wolf can hear the soft chuckle nanami lets out. "don't worry. he's fine."
your shoulders relax, and toji watches you with rapt attention.
a few minutes later, nanami leads you both to the receptionist, who toji notices, is a dark haired mouse hybrid—ijichi kiyotaka is printed across his nametag. the doctor quietly explains something, and the mouse nods, before typing away into the computer. toji realizes that they are probably falsifying records, and he relaxes immediately. while you settle things at the counter, nanami addresses toji one last time.
"you'll need to come back in a week so i can see the wounds again. until then, just take care of it like i explained and you should heal nicely."
toji nods, ears twitching awkwardly. "right…"
"if anything else happens, don't hesitate to come in." the doctor adjusts his glasses with a friendly smile. "you're always welcome. be careful out there."
toji swallows. he is already unused to such blatant kindness, but now you've managed to surround him with it. maybe your stupidly sweet personality attracts similarly sweet people.
in that sense, maybe he shouldn't be allowed to stay around you, too dark and gloomy for someone so bright.
nanami takes the wolf's silence with a soft laugh, before he raises his hand to wave at you. you grin back, before heading for the door—toji immediately follows you out. the two of you walk in relative silence, quiet but not uncomfortable.
his body feels good now, probably because of the numbing agent and secure bandages, but regardless, he feels good. he has not felt this comfortable in a long time, but it's not completely unwelcome. as weird as it sounds, he thinks that he wouldn't mind being the silently hulking animal wandering the city at your side.
there is one thing he's itching to ask though.
"how do you know him?" toji asks casually, still staring straight ahead. he can feel your gaze land on him, but he does not reciprocate it.
"kento?" he bristles at the name, but nods. "oh well. a few years ago my friend had to leave for a two week long business trip. she has a puppy hybrid at home, and of course her hybrid knows how to take care of herself, but my friend told me to go visit her and just check if she was okay every few days."
there's a strange look of sympathy on your face as you speak, and toji reels at how easy it is for him to pick up.
"when i went over one day, i found her just passed out on the ground. i had no clue what to do. hybrids might look like us humans but their health and anatomy is a little different, and i didn't know a single thing about puppy hybrids. so i went online and looked up specific doctors and hospitals that were good for hybrids because i was too nervous to just take her to a regular hospital. that's how i found kento."
your lips quirk upward, half rueful and half fond. "i figured a doctor who was an actual hybrid would treat her better than a human doctor would."
toji listens quietly. he does not know many humans who would put this much consideration into hybrids, mostly because hybrids are kept as pets, not considered as equals. he cannot understand why you thought so deeply about a hybrid that wasn't even yours.
"anyways since then i've bothered kento with a lot of things." you chuckle to yourself. "like last year there was a stray cat in my alleyway with a broken paw, and i brought him to kento even though i could've just taken him to a vet or a shelter."
"why's that?" toji awaits your asnwer, ears twitching at the sound of your amused voice.
"kento's always been really sweet and gentle to his patients. i guess i just trust him." you turn to peer up at toji with a smile. "that's why i knew he wouldn't even think about ratting you out."
toji grunts in return, not wanting to admit that you're probably right. any other hospital or doctor would have to report that there was a wolf hybrid out there that was unaccounted for. since you are not his owner, they'd immediately throw him back where he came from—after all, predators like him are too dangerous to be left alone.
"if anything, you can visit kento for whatever. he'd keep your secret."
"you willing to bet on it?" toji asks you gruffly, and you smirk at him with a strange spark of challenge in your eyes.
"bet my life."
he grins—another feral display of animalistic behavior.
"that's a lot to bet," he comments, flashing his canines at you, and you nod back, pleased.
"i'm pretty confident in myself."
"hm." toji lips remain in their comfortably amused position. he briefly recognizes that his feet are automatically taking him back to your place, and he internally questions just how many times he has found his way back to you before.
"we have another stop to make." toji glances at you as you speak, raising a heavy brow.
"where's that?"
"clothing shopping."
he blinks, frowning. "why the fuck would we do that?"
"well since you're staying for at least a couple weeks until your wounds heal, you probably need clothes," you say matter-of-factly. "the pair of clothes i gave you are the only things i have. you need more."
he briefly wants to ask whose clothes those are, but he shuts his mouth, knowing it's none of his damn business. he can still smell them, the smell of some other man—his lip curls distastefully.
"i don't gotta stay with you for that," he mutters, shoving his hands into his pockets. he can feel his claws scrape against the fabric. "i can just go back to your precious doctor myself when i need to."
"and who's gonna pay for the visit?" you ask dryly. toji bristles, heat prickling at the back of his neck. you sigh heavily.
"look, i'm telling you i don't mind." your voice is earnest, and he can feel your unrelenting stare on the side of his face. "i would feel really uneasy if you left and i didn't know what happened to you."
"why do you care so much anyway?" toji doesn't mean to sound so accusatory. he's now realized that you are just one of those stupidly rare good people, but even then he wonders why you don't just kick him to the curb and move on with your life.
but instead you frown at him, semi offended, and then roll your eyes.
"well…" you shrug nonchalantly. "we're friends. so i care."
friends.
toji almost scoffs in disbelief.
unsurprisingly, you are utterly ridiculous. he knows that you both have shared conversation for many weeks while he waited for food in your alleyway. and he realizes that he has stupidly memorized your schedule, so much so that he found himself waiting in the rain when you didn't get home on time. and sure, you had so tenderly and idiotically invited him into your space and treated his dirtied body with the utmost care.
but friends?
you really needed better survival instincts. and to stop being so trusting. it's stupid, and dangerous, and probably not good for you in the long run.
(but the word ignites a pleasant flame deep in toji's belly—unwavering and strong. he finds himself unable to extinguish it.)
an hour later, toji finds himself awkwardly rummaging through racks and shelves of clothing. the bright lights and intense air conditioning makes his hair stand on end, body feeling oddly exposed. but then his jade eyes scan the store and find your figure, curiously peering at items without a care in the world, and he relaxes a bit.
after a while of picking out a few dark and albeit plain pieces of clothing, he finds that shopping is somewhat enjoyable. the different textured fabrics are soft under his claws, and his ears twitch pleasantly at the sounds of music playing low through the speakers.
occasionally he'll look up from the shelves and see you in the distance—a few times you look back, and give him a sweet smile and a small wave that has his throat feeling strangely dry.
(it would be easy to devour something so openly waiting there.)
he immediately looks away.
toji briefly wonders what kind of clothes you tend to prefer, mind wandering. he bites back a huff of amusement when he thinks about the fluffy pajamas you were wearing when you came outside holding that stupid umbrella.
so damn silly.
"do they seriously just let animals roam around unsupervised?"
his moment of peace is shattered by a grating voice, shrill with age and obnoxiousness. toji turns to look over his shoulder, expression sour. though he towers over her, the old lady standing about five feet away from him looks anything but scared.
"you talkin' to me?" he raises a brow, hair standing on end.
"yes you," she sniffs in his direction, eyeing him from head to toe like he's nothing more than dirt on the bottom of her ugly boots. "animals aren't allowed indoors."
toji bristles, sharp eyes narrowing. despite being used to these comments, they still make his skin flare with heat. he briefly considers reacting how he normally does when he faces this kind of attitude—baring his teeth and spitting out growls and insults until the person is scared shitless.
but then he realizes that it's not like he can just snap at her and run away. his actions will so easily be traced back to you and your pristine smiles. he finds the idea of putting you in trouble to be nauseating.
so he bites his tongue, ears tense and flicking irritably—he's making decisions on your behalf now, too.
"i don't know how on earth they let you in here." she glares at him snootily, physically unable to shut up. "letting animals wander around without any—"
"actually he's mine."
toji turns to look at you as you take your place at his side, your voice clear and steady. warm fingers curl around his bicep comfortably, but there is ice in your expression that he has never seen before. you glare at the lady, who suddenly looks bashful.
"oh? that's so impressive. you managed to tame a beast this dangerous?"
he suppresses an eye roll, ready to walk you away from the ordeal, but your expression gets colder, anger radiating off of you in waves—toji does not know why it makes him so pleased.
"actually i didn't tame him at all," you hiss back, spitting the word like it's venom. "and if you make him mad i won't stop him from attacking you."
her face pales, but indignation comes off stronger. "excuse me? you don't know how to control your own pet?!"
"he's not my pet. he's his own person," you snap irritably, gaze cold—though toji can feel your heated aggression rising. "didn't you ever learn basic respect? for all your preaching, even hybrids know that better than you do."
she gapes at you, appalled, but before she can get another word in, you're tightening your grip on toji's arm and turning him away. "fuck off, bitch."
toji's ears twitch at the sounds of her angry sputtering in the distance, but his gaze remains zeroed in on you. your brows are pinched deep, and there's a frustrated scowl sitting on your lips as you drag him over to another section. "here, let's look at some of these clothes."
toji recognizes you are trying to change the subject, but he does not deny how your anger on his behalf feels so intoxicatingly addicting. he cannot help but push further.
"thought i would attack her, did ya?" he grins cheekily, canines glinting, and you huff. suddenly, you look rather embarrassed, peering up at him bitterly.
"i was just trying to get her to shut up. if you attacked anyone we'd be in big trouble."
"didn't realize you had that in you," toji ponders. for some reason, he cannot stop analyzing your microexpressions, finding some sick joy in looking at you. "not bad for a cushy little human."
you roll your eyes—toji's stomach flips in tandem. he can feel his tail lazily moving back and forth.
"wow, a compliment from the big bad wolf," you throw him a scathing smile, but he can tell you're joking. "what an honor."
"pretty sure you're scarier than i am." toji watches you rustle through the clothes on the shelves, a wry smile now comfortably resting on his face. "think you took a few years off her life."
"i hope she trips," you mutter, and toji barks out a laugh, clear and unfiltered. your lips twitch upward at the sound.
"hurry up and pick stuff so we can home," you whine with another huff, shoving at his arm. "i'm starving here."
the word home rolls over toji's body—it's warm and velvety and comfortable in a way that scares him.
he spends the next fifteen minutes rustling through the racks. you amble away to peer at other items while he does so, trying to give him his privacy. toji both appreciates it and resents it—something about you being farther away from him makes his body tense.
after a while he calls you back, shoving a modest pile of clothing into your hands. "here, i'm done."
he's hoping you just nod and take him to the counter, but yet again, he's underestimated you. you look through each item, peering at the price tags critically, before finally sighing.
"are you trying to pick cheap stuff on purpose?" you look at him with a raised brow and he groans—caught.
"i don't wanna put you out."
"ugh toji," you say his name with so much stressed exasperation he has to fight back a grin. "don't worry about that. i barely spend money to begin with. i promise you i can afford decent clothes."
he glances to the side, stubborn. he still does not particularly enjoy the idea of being indebted to you—not that he would ever say that out loud.
"if you don't pick honestly, i'm gonna find that lady and get her to annoy you again."
he blinks, looking at you and your haughtily raised brows and crossed arms.
"oh fuck please don't," toji groans, rolling his eyes. "she was—"
"a bitch?" you finish, shaking your head with a smile. "yeah she was. so please pick things out properly and don't make me go find her."
"fine," he relents, reaching out to pick up the first semi-expensive looking thing he can find. he holds it up to his body and throws you a mocking grin. "happy now?"
and yet when he looks at you, you're giving him the most genuine smile, satisfaction glimmering in your eyes. "yeah, really happy."
his mouth goes dry, and toji spends the remainder of the trip saying yes to everything you pull off the shelves for him.
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kjthenbee · 3 months ago
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The more I think about the Nandermo interview scene at the end of S6E3, the more I realize just how significant that entire scene is for Nandor as a character.
These first three episodes have told us multiple times that Nandor is not the person he used to be - he is no longer a purely violent, apathetic, selfish man (though he obviously retains some of those qualities). He's changed - he's softer. And Guillermo is the reason for this change.
We've seen how Nandor used to treat Guillermo early on in the series. I can imagine that when little 19yo Guillermo first came to him, Nandor was dismissive, thinking of him as nothing more than another familiar that he was going to string along for years - and, of course, bright-eyed young Guillermo, who was willing to do whatever it took to become a vampire, wouldn't have cared how he was treated.
But now, 15 some years later, everything is different. Guillermo isn't his familiar anymore. They aren't bound by the power imbalance of that relationship any longer. Guillermo has become someone important to Nandor, possibly more important than anyone has ever been before. No matter how much shit they've gone through, or how much Nandor has fucked things up, Guillermo has always stayed, and he has always cared. Even when he does leave, he never stays gone for long. Nandor has never experienced this type of a relationship with someone before - a relationship with someone who loves and cares for him unconditionally.
In the interview scene, Nandor totally could have messed with Guillermo, could have just... not taken him seriously. He could have done the interview in the main room with all the other vampires and had a laugh about the whole thing, but he didn't. He specifically took Guillermo to a private room to conduct the "interview". And the entire time, he treated it with the utmost sincerity- and you can see it in the way he looks at Guillermo with such attentiveness, such fondness. He lets him talk, and just listens. When Guillermo talks about not having many friends as a child, Nandor sympathizes and tells him that that must have been hard even if he himself does not know what this is like. He smiles with him, and laughs with him.
On top of all of this, Nandor very much could have left Guillermo hypnotized - he could have had his former meek, obedient familiar back by his side. The Nandor from just a couple of seasons ago might have done just that. But now, he's learned. He knows that he can't do that to Guillermo. He can't do that to someone he genuinely loves cares about deeply. The Guillermo that he knows now - confident, competent, and sure of himself - is the Guillermo he loves. Nandor does not want to take that away from him for his own selfish reasons. So, he just lets himself have one thing: Guillermo can sleep under the stairs one last time, then he'll unhypnotize him, and things will be back to the way they were - with them at a distance. But at least Guillermo will be himself.
Soooo yeah. I really hope that this is not just fanservice or whatever and that the writers are actually setting something up between them this time. I want so badly to believe that we might actually get some payoff to this 5 season long will-they-won't-they setup. I mean, seriously - what do the writers have to lose with this being the final season?
I'm trying not to keep my expectations too high just because of how many times we've been burned in the past, but this scene (along with the shed scene where Nandor was still talking like Nixon lmao) have gotten me hopeful again...
So here I am, back in Nandermo hell, one last time...
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f14fun · 6 months ago
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pixelated love (!simmer x mv1) - chapter 3
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synopsis: in which the famous three time world champion max verstappen wants to learn how to play the sims 4. except, he doesn't really know how to. so what does he do, search up a youtube tutorial. low-and-behold, y/n's video is the first he watches.
smau ✮ ⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✩ profile | masterlist ⋆.˚✮🎧✮˚.⋆ prev | next | series index ˚୨୧⋆。
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yourusername
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liked by maxverstappen1, landonorris and 127,821 others
yourusername: incase you haven't heard, max and i are getting married! planning my pinterest board wedding with @/maxverstappen1 as we speak!
view comments:
user1: what.
user1: mother you are getting married to that PASTY AND GNARLY EUROPEAN WHITE MAN??? 😡😡😡
user1: is this a joke
user1: this MUST be an insane practical joke that she pulled off
user1: think of your CHILDREN (me) as you make this decision
user1: until then, i uninvite myself from the wedding ❌👰🏻‍♀️👰🏻‍♂️
user1: sincerely, your favorite child
user1: (for all of you overtly sensitive fat fucks that was entirely satire 🤡🤡🤡)
user2: everyone who doesn't have twitter right now must be hella confused 🤣🤣
redbullracing: ???
yourusername: please avert your gaze to this message and the entirety of my account as a whole, deepest apologies for any confusion or misunderstandings 🤡
yourusername: @/maxverstappen1 fifth slide. my head between those juicy thighs. five o'clock tonight.
yourusername: need my head in between that meat like a stick on costco rotisserie chicken 🐔🍗😋🤤💦🫠
maxverstappen1: I am in shock.
maxverstappen1: I do not even know how to respond to this comment
maxverstappen1: Also what is a "costco"
yourusername: oh shit, i forget that you're not an american LMAO 🍟🍔🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🤠🤠🤠🏈🗽
yourusername: it's just a huge wholesale groccery store
maxverstappen1: Oh okay, I see
yourusername: was that a redeemable statement!!!
maxverstappen1: Not one bit. ❌
maxverstappen1: Also it is spelled as *grocery instead of whatever mess you spelled
yourusername: i hate you
maxverstappen1: You cannot hate your husband, I am very likeable
yourusername: AHA YOU JUST ADMITTED IT
yourusername: I GOTCHA NOW BUDDY
user3: top ten wedding (???) announcements ever made, ladies and gentlemen
user4: Y/N I APPLAUD YOU, YOU HAVE OFFICIALLY EXCEEDED MY EXPECTATIONS ON HOW WILD YOU CAN GET. GO AMERICA RAHHH 🦅🦅🦅
yourusername: proud to do our country a cuntry 💅🏻🦅🏈
maxverstappen1: Wait if I marry you does that mean I also have American citizenship?
user5: MAX WHATTTTTT LMAOOO???
user6: did NOT expect max to type that lmao, free him y/n 🤠
user7: the #maxisaynhostage agenda never ends 🤣🤣
yourusername: what-
landonorris: Mate, what are you on about...
landonorris: Also congratulations to the happy couple! @/yourusername @/maxverstappen1
yourusername: awww, thank you so much lando!! max, you better make him the best groomsman or ELSE
maxverstappen: @/yourusername @/landonorris 😐😐😐
charles_leclerc: Congrats you two! 🍾🥂 Alex and I would love to be invited to your wedding!
yourusername: Saving a seat for you two (plus leo!)
maxverstappen1: There is no wedding. ❌👰🏻‍♀️👰🏻‍♂️
oliverbearman: the oli bearman erasure from the leclerc family is unforunately so real 😞
yourusername: OLI I WOULD NEVERRRR FORGET YOUU
oliverbearman: please adopt me 🥹🥹🥹
yourusername: of course 🥹🥹🥹
charles_leclerc: ???? @/maxverstappen1 .... Do you approve of this mate?? Your first child is my child?...
maxverstappen1: OF COURSE NOT PLEASE UNADOPT HIM @/yourusername
yourusername: this is your first born. no. ❌
oliverbearman: ❌❌❌
user8: the way she makes max more unhinged LMAO u can see it in his typing
oscarpiastri: Okay. The Oscar Piastri-Leclerc erasure saga never ends.
oscarpiastri: Hello??
oscarpiastri: Hello guys?
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taglist: @hiireadstuff @sinofwriting @mehrmonga @the-untamed-soul @glai1023-blog @loloekie @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @sheastri @llando4norris @gwginnyweasley @carmenita122 @ririyulife @pausmoon @ur-fave-ave @eveninggstar @maddie-naps @erin-odonnell04 @rexit-mo @ems-alexandra @si1ver06 @iamred-iamyellow @bibissparkles
some of these didn't get tagged, and i'm having trouble (?) it's being very weird, idk, so please let me know if your name is here and it didn't tag you ❣️
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author's note: ty guys for reading this fic! 😍🫶🏾 LMAO I LIED part three came out faster than expected. but part four may take a while as i'm a tad busy these next four weeks 🫠
comment if you want to be added to the taglist! ⋆.˚✮🎧✮˚.⋆
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saccharinescorpion · 8 months ago
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i've been debating on whether to post about this but what the hell, it's relevant both to today's episode and the topic of people trying to smooth over the flaws of Dungeon Meshi characters.... so, uh, remember what i said yesterday about Laios forgetting the basics of human decency when interacting with Izutsumi
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i was intially worried about people reading this scene in uhh certain ways but was thankful to see most fans were chill with it... before i realized that. uh. maybe people were being a little too chill
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okay............ so,
1. for the record: i believe that it is clear from what we know about him and what we know about the entire series as a whole that, yes, Laios didn't have "untoward" intentions towards Izutsumi in this scene. there's even an aside in Izutsumi's profile in the Adventurer's Bible that says as much. he likely saw it in basically the same way Falin did when she was observing the reproductive organs of the caterpillar in that one scene. FOR THE RECORD this excuse would basically never fly in real life, but for Laios, it actually honestly makes sense... he has a habit of ignoring people's boundaries, he gets ahead of himself when it comes to learning about monsters... he didn't have bad intentions, no, but it doesn't change the fact that he's an adult man (not a [my face contorts with a great pain] "curious boy") who was being really invasive about a teenage girl's body. it was weird. it was 100% weird, lmao, i don't think fans are "lacking media literacy" by saying "uh yeah that was kind of creepy and inappropriate of Laios"
2. and i also don't think it's villifying ND people to say that. if i were to be honest, i would argue the whole "he's just a curious boy :(" thing is a lot more offensive to neurodivergent people. Laios clearly knows about the concept of bodily autonomy- he felt weird and bad about touching Marcille and Senshi in "intimate" ways just to heal them. literally one scene after this one he expresses embarassment about accidentally touching the leg of (who he thinks to be) Marcille. he very obviously possesses the capacity to understand why it would be inappropriate to observe a stranger's body like they were an animal. i can accept the explanation that his monster curiosity temporarily overpowered his "oh actually maybe i shouldn't try to get up close and person with this teenager who i literally just met," but that doesn't change that he had to be restrained from doing that. i'm not even saying he's a "bad person" or anything because of this scene- i just am baffled at the idea of fans being presented with the slightest bit of messiness (he was creepy to a young girl, however unintentionally) and jumping to try and "justify" it (he's just silly, he's socially awkward, he's autistic, he's a Curious Boy) and even mock others who rightfully point out that that was uncomfortable behavior. Laios was creepy to Izutsumi. he didn't mean to, but he did (and to be quite frank he was lucky to get off with a smack from Chilchuck and a blindfold)
3. "I would also ask" excuse me?
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nipuni · 1 month ago
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Hello time to yap about life and media again! 🥰
It's been a month and a half since we fully moved into this new old house and it's been a steep learning curve!! so far we had to learn how to care for a garden and grow fruit, how to deal with extremely humid weather, the mold!! also learning about various repairs, electricity and plumbing, we had a leak that turned one lamp into a waterfall, the rcd keeps tripping every time it rains, had to fix a door in the dark after Nicolas got himself trapped in a room when the handle broke during a power outage, the heating system is an air to water heat pump and it took us ages to figure out how to set it up correctly so we spent weeks wearing 3 layers inside the house, I even fell down the stairs!! I'm not used to having stairs inside the house lmao It's a big adjustment when you've always lived in small apartments in big cities all your adult life, but to be honest we love it!! everything feels like a new quest for us to tackle and it is so much fun figuring it all out as we go, reading technical manuals by candle light, the teamwork of installing and assembling furniture and networks, pruning the trees, celebrating every small mundane accomplishment and new skill learned every night over dinner, I may be corny as hell but it all feels like a privilege and an adventure 😭
Media wise we watched the second season of Arcane! This series never fails to make me fall in love with art again, not that I've ever fallen out but I can't say that the whole AI debacle hasn't been ass for the morale. Aesthetically it is a masterpiece. The character design, the cinematography, the mixed media montages aaaa Seeing the work, the skill and care that was put into every frame reminded me of how important and human the storytelling aspect of art really is. I wonder if we will see a shift to the more story driven or conceptual arts when we look back on this period, but I ramble, back to Arcane. I have mostly praise for it, wonderful characters and very touching relationships. I think our only issues were with the pacing being too slow at the start, every character climbing out of a very low point, and then too fast which made the second half feel a bit rushed. This season also felt a bit more tropey than the first one but still really solid. It remains one of the best animated series ever made and I am so happy to see it succeed in this current environment 😭 It feels like teenagehood condensed into a show, we really enjoyed it. I hope we get a season 3!!
Also there was an update in our David Tennant filmography quest! we watched The Politician's Husband and unsurprisingly we loved it!! It was gripping and the acting was brilliant. It is actually what I was expecting Rivals to be like, I realize 🤔 I think it could have used a 4th episode, felt like it ended too quickly and there was room for more, as if they ran out of time to tie things up so they picked the quickest route. But it was really good!! These miniseries are always so engaging and so short, I need mooreee.
We missed our DT nights!! Nicolas spent the last week hunting for more of David's work for us to watch. We've been hosting family for a few days again last week and on top of work and everything else we had to pause them for a bit. But now we are back to our nightly routine and he's over the moon!! Instant mood boost it's embarrassing lmao both of us falling this hard for this guy is too enabling, he even made his name our guest wifi password, we are besotted 😂
Oh! I also I saw a Veilguard Q&A was happening and read a few replies I saw posted here, and it proved to be a huge mistake! It was a disappointing and truly infuriating read. What even happened during the production of this game lmao How come the average fan seems to have a much better grasp on the lore, characters and plot than the people who made it 😭 There is this gaping disconnect between intent and execution. The way that fans are trying to make sense and give meaning to the complete mess that is the writing in an attempt to salvage and preserve the aspects they loved about it is saddening. I am mentally throwing tomatoes at John Epler as we speak. His answers felt so unserious and baffling at best and offensive and petty at worst. It's been eye opening, I could go on a two hour rant but the more I learn and dwell on it the more bitter I become about it all and I'm already seeing ten year old discourse resurface and people getting weird about it so I'll just ..🚶‍♀️ In my eyes this world and it's characters now belong only to those who love it and lives in my memory 🫡
Anyway, this ended up being at least twice as long as I was planning to make it again 😭 and I still have to catch up with asks aaaa it's been a busy month sorry I'll get to them soon!! Thank you for reading and for the support and for just being here!! I hope you all have a great week 🥺❤️
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acid-ixx · 5 days ago
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Hiii, I have read all your work and it is very good :D!! I've read it several times and never get bored.
Can I ask about something? I'm curious about the characteristics or signs of yandere appearing in Tim. Will he be the last family member to become a yandere? Sorry I asked like this because I feel like he's not getting enough attention in drabbles, questions from other readers, or anything else. So I'm curious.
I hope you understand my question. Because English is not my first language.
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— masterlist !
don't mind me using the tags here, i want to clarify a lot of things.
hi anon!! don't worry about your english, i understand perfectly and it's also not my first language too hehe. and to all the others who have asked about tim's (or any other characters') appearance in the series: fear not, nobody is getting ignored at all, i intend for everyone to have their designated events/moments that trigger yandere characteristics for the reader for each chapter. it's my plan to make them each as unique as possible with their intentions, motives and goals, not just them being simply "obsessed" with you, so i'm trying my best to add depth to the story.
that means the entire series will stretch out quite a lot (i already have outlined multiple arcs, flashbacks, and all the characters' individual traits and significance). it's not just going to be ten chapters, i want to remind others that there's more lore to just the neglect, your mother's dark past, and characters that haven't even been introduced to the plot yet, so if you guys prefer one-shots or something shorter, then the series is not for you folks, sorry 😭
as for tim, he is quite literally my favorite character (surprise!), so of course he's going to get special treatment. he's not going to be the last to become yandere, but his spiral to becoming a yandere takes quite a lot of time since compared to others, it's him who spends the least amount of moments with you. even in the non-neglected au i wrote, what triggered his obsession was mere curiousity.
though just because there're lesser events with him, doesn't mean there will be none. he certainly plays a major role in the "wild goose chase arc where the family tries to negotiate (kidnap) you whilst you try to escape to multiple cities/end up in a completely different country". he may not express his love for the reader well, but he most definitely knows the most about you.
oh! and the traits that he does have as a yandere looks tame when you compare it to others, but it's also because it manifests through his personal dialogue (as i reckon he's keeps most of his thoughts about you to himself most of the time (gatekeeper archetype) and he's the character with the most internal dialogue/thoughts too). he's the worst stalker you could have, the one who you should look out for the most with just how much he knows about you in such a short period of time. tim's intelligence and detective skills knows no bounds, and he won't stop exhausting himself until the very knowledge of what the blood pumping under your skin feels like and the exact temperature of your body— is extracted and stored into the terabytes of data he has into his personal batcave.
and spoiler alert: he's also the one who uncovers your mother's past and alongside bruce, what had happened between the period of time when you were dragged out of the closet and the other time in elementary when you were nearly kidnapped, which completely leads to another arc wherein it's where their obsession drives off to a completely different plane of existence, exalting vengeance on the people who tormented you; but tim's pettiness is just on a whole nother level.
and i have to stop here before i (excitedly) spoil the entire series' plot LMAO. my answer to this is a bit more casual to the other asks, so i hope it doesn't irritate anyone.
so thank you for asking this! i also have a question for you people too:
how is the current progression of the plot? i get that it isn't even 10% finished and some moments feel slow, but i try to be as immersive as possible to the readers. so for those who have read the entire thing, what do you want me to possibly add, or does anyone have other clarifications? can anyone tolerate a fanfic that can possibly lead to more than 250k words??? 😭
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withleeknow · 9 months ago
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how he would take care of you during shark week. ⤷ chan / minho / changbin / hyunjin / jisung / felix / seungmin / jeongin
pairing: jisung x f!reader genre/warnings: established relationship, fluff, mentions of periods bc duhhh erhm note: ok so i'm REALLY not sure what this is lmao but i switched up entirely compared to the first installation (with minho) and i think this is the format i'll be sticking with for the rest of the members. i'm still just experimenting and trying to figure how i want to approach doing drabbles/drabble series like this so pls bear with me a little for now lol
as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡
main masterlist / blurb masterlist / ko-fi
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jisung, who can't be trusted with even the simplest of tasks. you should've known better. (and honestly? you did know better, which probably makes the whole thing so much worse.)
jisung, whom you ask to run to the store just because you were too lazy to brave the evening chill yourself and get the shit you need.
jisung, who texts you what size pussy u wear? while he stands in the middle of the aisle, feeling like he's illiterate as he's surrounded by products of different colors and shapes and sizes and wings.
jisung, whose eyes catch a specific pink packaging with pretty flowers that makes him pull out his phone and snap you a picture. this one looks better. yours is boring, he'd text you, to which you'd replied with a dozen question marks before calling him an idiot and telling him to leave the fancy pads and hurry home with the ones you usually use.
jisung, who returns about thirty minutes later holding two large bags in his hands, which definitely contain a lot more than what you had sent him out for - just a pack of overnight pads and some sweets.
jisung, who kisses you in greeting as your eyes narrow suspiciously, then he'd proudly show off the goodies that you didn't need - an assortment of sour candies and chocolates, chips, ice cream bars, your favorite cookies, and lastly, a random purple pouch.
jisung, whose love language looks a lot like making you get diabetes whenever your time of the month rolls around.
jisung, who beams like a kid in a candy store when you ask him about the pouch with a brow raised. "look!" he'd beam, holding the little thing up like it's the most magical invention he's ever come across in his entire life. "it holds your pads! and it has unicorns on it!"
jisung, who doesn't deflate at all when you tell him that you already have one, but instead, he'd tell you to ditch the one you have because it's too "boring" (re: it doesn't have unicorns.)
jisung, who volunteers to carry the pouch for you the next time you go out together, musing to himself about whether or not he should add a little strap so he could wear it like a crossbody bag, not even batting an eye when you stare at him and gape in disbelief.
jisung, who really uses your shark week as an excuse to buy dumb shit for himself and stuff you full of treats.
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all rights reserved © withleeknow. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted 25.04.2024]
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eternalxvenus · 10 months ago
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⇢ ˗ˏˋ broken promises pt. 2 ࿐ྂ
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summary: Rafe promised to take you out and spend your birthday with you, but you don’t hear from him all day and then suddenly he shows up at your door trying to explain. (this is part 2 to the birthday girl angst blurb! i changed the title for the series so it was more appealing)
cw: mentions of drug use, angst, nothing crazy (yet lmao)
wc: 1.2k
notes: i'm excited to write this since its my first series! lmk if there's anything you guys would wanna see in future chapters :)
previous chapters: part 1
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You wake up to your alarm droning on annoyingly and feel around aimlessly with your eyes closed to turn it off. Once you had finally woken up on your own accord, you realized you should talk to Rafe. You hadn't spoken to him or left your house the last few days. Obviously, you missed him, but you just felt so hurt and angry with him.
After getting ready and using makeup to look a little more alive and less blotchy from crying so much, you decided you'd go up to Tannyhill to try and talk to Rafe. You left your house, hopped on your bike, and started towards the estate. The whole ride there, you just kept going over what you wanted to say but nothing seemed right. Before you knew it, you were at the front entrance.
You walked inside and heard voices in the distance coming from upstairs. Once you made your way upstairs, you heard the voices more clearly coming from Rafe's room. It was Rafe and another person whose voice you couldn't pinpoint.
"Come on, man you gotta understand where I'm comin' from. I've just been stressed out. Nothing a good time won't fix."
You looked into the room and saw Rafe sitting with some guy you've never seen. There was a table in between them that had some rolled-up bills and coke sitting on it.
You walked inside the room, still unnoticed until you spoke. "Hey, Rafe."
Both of their heads snapped in your direction, and Rafe immediately shot up, walking towards you.
"Shit... I uh- I didn't know you were coming over." He looked back at the man who just sat there unbothered. "Barry, can you uh give us a minute..."
"So let me get this straight, you went to a party and got high, missed my entire birthday, and after I tell you I'm pissed off your next line of action is to get high again with your drug dealer, right?"
Before Rafe could speak, Barry grabbed his stuff and started walking out. "A'ight man hit me up when y'all are done dealing with this shit."
Rafe waited until he thought Barry was far enough before closing the door and speaking, "Can you blame me? I don't hear from you for days so I assumed you didn't wanna be with me anymore! I tried to talk to you and you straight up ignored me."
"I was angry Rafe! I just needed some time to myself. That doesn't mean I'm breaking up with you and it doesn't mean you should start doing drugs again when that is quite literally what we fought about." 
This definitely wasn't how you imagined this conversation going. You didn't want to argue with him but your pride wasn't going to let you just back down.
"If you wanted space you could've told me," he sighed. "And I am sorry that I got high at that party and I'm sorry I missed your birthday okay? I want to make it up to you."
You walked over to the bed and sat down for a moment with your head in your hands. You loved Rafe, you really did. But you didn't want him falling into his old habits and lying to you about it.
You both sat there in silence as you thought about what you should do and what you should say.
"Rafe I... I think we should just take some time apart. Get our heads straight and figure out what we want-"
He walked over and sat next to you his eyes wide. "Baby I want you, I want to be with you."
"I wanna be with you too, Rafe, but I have conditions. I don't want you doing coke anymore. I don't like the person you are when you get like that. I know you get stressed and feel like it's your only option but you have me. Or maybe try weed and see how that works for you. I also don't want you hanging with Barry anymore. Non-negotiables."
He nods "I swear I'll work on it and I'll talk to Barry. I swear."
You stand up from the bed getting ready to go out the door. "Rafe... I'm gonna go stay with my parents on the mainland for a few days. I'll be in contact but please try your best to just leave me be. Get clean, for good, and I'll let you know when I'm back and we can figure everything out. Okay?"
He shakes his head. You can see that he's angry and confused, your heart just aches. "The mainland? What- why? Just stay here, I don't understand-"
"Please, Rafe. This is what we have to do okay?"
He took a few deep breaths and ran his hands through his hair. "Okay... okay. When you get back, I'll have made it up to you. Just promise me we aren't over." 
You could see the tears that formed in his eyes and had to fight back your own. "We aren't over just yet." You gave him a kiss on the cheek before leaving his room and heading home.
⭑*•̩̩͙⊱✩•̩̩͙⊰•*⭑
You were finally off the ferry and on the mainland to stay with your parents. You really wanted to talk to your best friend to get advice so you asked her to pick you up. By the time you reached your house, she was all caught up. Your parents weren't home so you both went straight up to your childhood bedroom.
"Damn... I didn't think he got down like that." Niki looked at you slightly surprised. "Honestly though, it sounds like does care about you, even if he did fuck up."
"Yeah, I know he cares I just... I don't wanna have to worry about shit like this. Whenever he's all coked up he makes irrational and bad decisions. I'm just worried he'll do something and end up in jail or worse."
"You just have to let him know that. Make sure he knows your anger comes from a place of care. If he feels like you're just judging him, it'll probably piss him off."
You sigh and groan into your pillow. "You're right, thanks Niki."
"Don't mention it. Now, let me catch you up on the mainland gossip!" she squealed.
⭑*•̩̩͙⊱✩•̩̩͙⊰•*⭑
Niki had gone home and you were getting into bed, ready to sleep after what felt like an exceptionally long day, when your phone chimed. You looked and saw you had a text from Rafe.
Rafe: hey I just wanted to make sure you made it to the mainland safely.
You: yes I did, i'm at my parent's house, thanks for asking.
Rafe: of course, goodnight
You: goodnight
Placing your phone on the dresser, you're thankful he doesn't push the conversation further. You decide you'll only stay here for three days before going back to the island to figure things out with Rafe. You just hope he can work on staying clean and that you can go back to being together like normal. 
As you closed your eyes, ready for sleep, you heard another chime from your phone. You groaned before picking it up to check.
Topper: hey we need to talk, it's about Rafe.
part 3
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