#this wasn't even that long ago. it was in march or april of this year

[chucapybara]

i know i'm an acts of service masc when i once spent hours sitting on my bedroom floor carefully chipping away the rough splintery sides of this old scrabble set i have (the tiles are small chips of wood that were cheaply cut hence the splintery sides) with my box cutter because my crush at the time said she loves scrabble and wanted to play but i didn't want her to get hurt playing on the set i had

[that-was-a-bit-stupid-of-you]

I don't understand, what's going on with Taylor and Matt trash being a couple? Could you explain to me?

nothing is really going on at the moment tbh, cuz they broke up a pretty long while ago, but the issue is the album (if that's what you're referring to) and taylor swift herself.

[will add sources and more stuff when I find the links and if I realise I missed something out, cuz this is a general thing based off of memory]

Context: dating history

Basically she and matty had been friends for a few years (there are rumors of them hooking up ig in 1989 era maybe, but I don't really care enough to believe shit like that). Apparently he had also been pining for her (according to stuff he said in interviews and tweets) for years, but again, you can still chalk it up to rumors if you wanna.

The thing is that post her breakup with joe alwyn, she started dating him (in like april I think) [there had been dating rumors of them since 2014 tho, and again in March 2023] and the fandom kinda got divided.

Here is the link to their entire timeline

Context: what matty healy did

Matty healy (you prolly know this) is basically racist, sexist, antisemitic, homophobic and God knows what else I have missed out or not been aware of. He did shit like doing the nazi gesture on stage, mocking asian accents, tastelessly making fun of ice spice on her race and bodyshaming her, laughing and basically confirming that he watches violent rape porn of black women on a site that is known to be highly problematic and force their actors (gender neutral) to do things they dont consent to (there was also an actress who was assaulted or something but im not informed on it). Even when he was called out on stuff like this, he accused people (who were poc, btw) of overreacting.

Context: taylor and activism

Taylor had also, in the past (lover era, and miss Americana the doc) had talked about how she had been too quiet about political issues and politics itself for too long, that she understands her influence and power in society, and that she "needs to be on the right side of history" and even specifics such as that she thinks it's spineless to go on stage and say "happy pride month" and not acknowledge the political oppression that queers in USA were facing (something about a bill or the republican party idk man I'm not american, i dont remember but i did research when i watched the doc tho). She has claimed she was gonna be clear about where she stands (many republicans had considered her to be one, and many thought she's conservative or something, but she was always quiet about it, until the lover era). However, she just stopped that activism after the lover era, and went back to being quiet on where she stands (I've seen many swifties refer to the lover era as the activism era) and hasn't spoken about anything substantial really. She did some things like post a black square with 13 hearts during blm, and stuff that every celeb who wasn't openly a pos did, but that's kinda it. Even as a self proclaimed feminist, she didn't speak up on issues such as roe v wade, or about an issue regarding drag queens despite having them in yntcd, or talking about trans/queer rights until she was in a blue state (im not an American, I just like to keep up a little with stuff in usa cuz it's always up in my face sadly, and thus i cant be specific, but anyways, correct me if I'm wrong, or if I missed something).

So even after saying she'll be vocal, she was just... not. And that's basically her on politics or giving a shit about minority communities.

Context: Fandom's reaction

Swifties were extremely disappointed that taylor CHOSE to associate with a man like this, and there were fans calling her out, and she received backlash, too.

Most of these swifties were poc (myself included) and they felt hurt that an artist that they not just supported and developed such a deep connection with, but also financially supported for years, would have such disregard for them. Not just was she dating him, but she kept saying things such as "I have never been happier in all aspects of my life" or saying "I love you" or "uk who you are" in romantic songs on the tour, which was just adding insult to injury. She also did a collab with ice spice (which was completely out of nowhere, and the collab itself seemed badly made and rushed), which fans and others speculated to be a pr cover up for the fact that matty healy had mocked her (many ppl also believed that it was too quick for it to be a pr cover tho).

Now, in the fandom, when poc swifties were calling her out on dating mh, (mostly) white swifties started harassing poc swifties for doing so, or saying that they are hindering with her happiness or some bs about it being "just a fling" (again, myself included). They said it's the same as seeing a friend get out of a long-term relationship and make bad dating choices, and poc swifties should let it go (as if taylor is our close personal friend). In a mostly white fandom, poc swifties felt alienated and sidelined.

Ofc, taylor never addressed any of this backlash, and after she broke up with him, there were articles saying that sources say (which mostly means her pr team atp) that her breakup had nothing to do with his controversies or behavior.

The album release (lyrics, references and reaction)

Now, with the release of ttpd, contrary to what most of the fandom believed, most of the songs on both the albums are believed to be (and heavily hinted on) about matty healy. These include 4 songs- "ttpd", "but daddy I love him", "I can fix him (no really I can)", and "guilty as sin?"

Ttpd, the title track, talks about mh being "a tattooed golden retriever" (wtf) and about him love-bombing her, and her pining after him, thinking about marriage and shit. But daddy I love him and I can fix him, are basically that no one supported her dating decision and she's claiming that she loves him oh so goddamn much, but more importantly, her talking about her fans' reactions. Specifically, describing her poc fans to be "vipers" and "judgemental creeps" who hate her and them being hurt as "bitching and moaning", and basically took the side of the (white) fans who defended her, indirectly. She described his racist bs as "crazy" and said shit like she could "handle a dangerous man." She also has another song, "Guilty as sin?" and while I genuinely don't give a fuck about what she chooses to do in her private life, unless it is problematic, it is about her fantasizing about being with that racist man while being in a long term relationship with joe alwyn. She sings about how she wants him and wants to be with him... in multiple ways, iykyk. Again, out of context, I love this song so much, but that doesn't erase the context, right?

She also has a song "I hate it here" where she says the following lines:

"My friends used to play a game where

We would pick a decade

We wished we could live in instead of this

I'd say the 1830s but without all the racists and getting married off for the highest bid"

And while there are many reasons why this line by itself is racist (romantisization of a time that was extremely shitty to many communities, most of which she is not a part of, showing herself to be "oh look I'm so woke I still remember the bad things even when I romanticize bad eras in history" which is something you expect from an ignorant white high schooler maybe, not a 34 y/o billionaire who claims to be well-read, etc.) but taylor swift herself saying these is adding insult to injury cuz she has shown time and time again she has no problem with racism (she kept quiet when antonia gentry, a black actress, received hate and racist threats by swifties because of a line BY NETFLIX that taylor didn't like, and she shouldn't ofc, but it wasn't the actress' fault), or associating herself with them (matty healy, for example). It is hypocritical to write something like that after writing an album about pining after a man and his "dangerousness," which is just bigotry. Way to romanticise racism, sexism, and antisemitism, taylor.

Even now, after listening to the album, she clearly doesn't like mh anymore, NOT because of his actions, but because he broke her heart, showing that she still enables and is okay with everything he did.

And that's kind of it (ig) about her and matty healy. I'm not really sure exactly which part you wanted to know, so this is just a gist of it all. Hope it helps :)

[leopardom]

because it’s gonna be 12 months from the start of this fandom (kinda mostly here anyway), would you like to give me a fav moment from every month so far (can be fandom related, can be only jo related)? if that’s something you’re in the mood rn 🩷

absolutely 🤩

welcome to the ✨Joker Out Chronicles (May 2023 - March 2024)✨ as viewed by user leopardom

this is gonna be a list of fav moments from every month so far and since i couldn't choose, it's gonna be both band related and fandom related

this is gonna be long so more under the cut

May 2023

band: the whole eurovision journey from befriending all the contestants to Bojan's date and eventual engagement with Käärijä to the band giving condoms to everyone and their mom to the rehearsals to the iconic turqoise carpet to the Käärijä sauna to the voting promo to the qualification to the finals to Bojan licking the camera and to Joker Out becoming pretty much esc legends despite finishing 21st in the final. the beginning of everything, absolutely chaotic but i wouldn't imagine it any other way

fandom: the formation this sounds cliche yes but i was here since April 2023 and it was... very silent. the non-esc related jo stuff were limited and people were still discovering them so yeah i was sitting here hoping that after esc people would stick around so we can scream together about the band as a band and not only as esc contestants. and thankfully people did that and here we are now 🥹

June 2023

band: first international gigs the gigs in Dublin are one thing but then came the announcements of the Nordic tour, the Warsaw gigs, the headline gigs in Novi Sad and Zagreb... honourable mention to Stožice going sold out

fandom: Tavastia 1.0 there's absolutely no way i will even forget how the jo, ka and esc fandoms had a collective meltdown when Bojan casually showed up in Helsinki and then joined Käärijä on stage on both his Tavastia gigs (mind you both as a singer and as a dancer lmao). no wonder why this moment still has a chokehold on all of us. 9th of June 2023, you will always be famous

July 2023

band: the appearance of Demoni scream i know that festivals and the first UK run were important and gave us some iconic moments too (like some slay outfits and Jan's sparklative confusion), but the damn Demoni scream is so dear to me it kinda tops it all. it's so good to see how Bojan embraced it after that first time (2/7/23 in Škofja Loka) and now there can't be Demoni without the scream/growl/whatever you wanna call it

fandom: the Jance wedding on stage iirc the Jance brainrot had started spawning before 29/7 but that Saturday night was the cherry on top. so glad we got to experience this live as well since there was a livestream going on that night and we saw Jan putting the veil on Nace himself <3

August 2023

band: the Koper gig i wasn't even there okay but judging from the content and people's comments on it, it was probably one of the most iconic jo gigs. also my favourite jo video in existence is coming from that night (here) side note: i've been to Slovenia once in my life, 11 years ago, and funnily enough we were staying in Koper and i recognised the place they had the concert. anyway, visit Slovenia and Koper, it's a very nice small seaside town and it's worth the visit <3

fandom: the collective screaming about things to be completely honest i don't remember much from that month in terms of fandom, but i kinda remember how most of us had started diving into the band's past more and more and “new” old content was posted almost every day. videos, photos, gifs, interviews, the amazing @jokeroutsubs translating more old content...

September 2023

band: Nordic tour i won't even start talking about this because you'll never hear the end of it. we all know what the Nordic tour was. even the release of SSOL, the first single after esc, can't top this whole thing, sorry

fandom: google drive content and *shocked gasp* Nordic tour another collective meltdown for the fandom. first being bombarder with backstage videos on a damn google drive folder (that ended up being a frequent occurence in the following months) to the whole run of the Nordic tour. do i need to say more? i feel like i can't. only this: Nordic tour, you will always be famous

October 2023

band: Stožice not much to say here either. they sold out a whole arena months prior to the actual concert date. it was their moment. a milestone (probably their biggest to date). and it was amazing to witness this in any possible way, whether it was by attending the concert or watching an ig livestream or keeping track of the photos and videos of that night

fandom: Stožice and Halloween outfits the chokehold both the Stožice and the Halloween (aka pilots and flight attendands) outfits had on the whole fandom... also love how we collectively agreed that Kris' Stožice outfit was his version of Princess Diana's revenge dress and how the Halloween outfits sent the fandom into a spiral in means of creations (fanart, fanfics etc)

November 2023

band: the whole touring well they did have a number of gigs during November and they seemed to be having so much fun 🥰 so much that at the end of November they announced their first proper european tour

fandom: collective screaming about things once again i mean all the gigs were feeding us well. the outfits alternating or not, Jance/Bokris moments, Bonace getting more spotlight (Bojan was and still is going through something during Demoni and Ona like wtf was he doing to Nace was it the serbian lyrics waking up something wild in him 😭😭😭). there was a lot going on back in November… honourable mentions: this Bokris moment, cvjetits (x x) and Kris riding Jure

December 2023

band: the whole Munich experience there's a good chance jo don't remember their whole stay in Munich for the first time as one of the best ones ever, especially if they think about the 1,5k euro taxi they paid as part of making it to The Hague in time for the next gig. but if anything, i feel like this captures their whole vibe as a band; ✨purely chaotic✨

fandom: european tour vlog and Bojan with the bi flag we waited for a long time for a Nordic tour vlog. maybe we didn't get it as an individual video but even as part of the whole tour vlog it was great and definitely worth the wait. also it was a great xmas gift let's be real 😌 now Bojan with the bi flag was probably not a very huge fandom moment and my bi ass may be biased here (this rhymed lol), but seeing him wrap himself with the bi flag followed by that speech before Barve Oceana in Barcelona will always be such a precious moment to me and i'll cherish it forever 💖 note: when i saw them last month in Munich i immediately started crying when i heard the first notes of Barve Oceana live; not only because i love the song and i finally heard it live, but also because i instantly thought of that moment of Bojan with the bi flag and the speech)

January 2024

band: Joker Out cooking livestreams London era my beloved (i never thought i'd say this about a city in the UK out of all places). their whole stay in London was an Experience both for the band and the fandom but well they got their chance to show the world they can cook besides playing music and they did. now let's not get into the kind of cooking they did, but the livestreams were very entertaining and bless them for doing them 😅

fandom: death by Damon Baker's photos yeah no i don't think i need to say more here, i'm still not over those photoshoots and i still can't quite believe they actually happened. like?????????? jo???? photographed individually or not by Damon fucking Baker???? ugh 😫 on that note i want to add that i loved and still love how those photos sparked the creativity in this fandom. from analyses of each photo to fanfics to fanart to creating anything in general. one of my favourite moments of the fandom <3

February 2024

band: release of Everybody's Waiting the whole road to the release of this single was Something with the band continuing the usual shenanigans and with Damon still releasing unseen photos of them. the release of it may have gotten us divided because of its language or the path they chose to take music-wise (it's not everyone's cup of tea and that's more than fine), but personally i like this for them. it's different, it showed a different side of them which they wanted to explored; they got a chances to do it and they did it. and you know what? it's so good live

fandom: death by Damon Baker's photos, Jure edition this could be merged with my fave fandom moment of January 2024 but this one is special because we just saw another Jure like WTF WAS THAT 😭 anyway i loved how we all kind of lost it when his photos dropped note: the moment Damon posted Jure's photos i was on my way to meet my friends in Dresden of all places and i was so shocked by what i saw i almost ran into a lighting column on the street 💀💀💀

March 2024

band: Jan and Bojan playing the piano at every gig of the tour i could've said the whole tour is my favourite thing from this March and it's not like it's not, this is a big moment for the band. it's just that once again i'm a bit biased here. many people, my pianist ass included, wished there would be a piano or some keyboard on stage during the tour because come on if Jan plays the keys for Everybody's Waiting studio version then why not do it live too? and you know what's better? not only there was a piano on stage for the whole tour, but not only Jan but also Bojan played it. however, Bojan playing it for Everybody's Waiting and Jan playing it for Padam, Metulji and the cases where they had special guests (like in Estonia with Alika, Lithuania with Monika and Belgium with Gustaph)... those were not on my bingo card and they were the most pleasant surprise ever 😌

fandom: meeting each other at the gigs when the tour started and even though i knew i would go to at least two gigs, i was extremely nervous because this meant i'd probably come across other fans from here and social media in general. as a person with anxiety, one of my worries was how i'd be perceived and how i'd manage to not come across as a snob person because i'm shy and scared to talk to people i don't know. as the tour went on and i saw people meeting each other irl after only knowing each other via tumblr/twitter/instagram, i got more nervous but also had a warm feeling in my chest because seeing people meet, bond over things they like and have fun at gigs together is actually very wholesome 🫶 i hoped i would get to experience this too at the italian gigs but i was still nervous. and then, around the middle of March, i made the spontaneous decision to do the Munich gig too, but instead of getting even more nervous i just got myself on autopilot. and i'm glad i did because if i hadn't i wouldn't have met some of you neither in Munich nor in Milan or Padua. i wouldn't get to trade stuff and joke about things and talk about fandom stuff or even about fanfics lmao 😂 anyway, point is that i most probably was worried about nothing. i got to meet so many people at the gigs and i had so much fun despite the inconveniences that may had showed up in the way (i don't wanna talk about it tbh) and everyone was so welcome and lovely i'll never shut up about it 😭 also i’m taking this opportunity to say that if we attended the same gigs but didn't get to meet, i'm so sorry about it really but we will do it at some point i'm telling you! and i also wish i get to meet more of you from in here so we can yap about things outside of tumblr too. btw i still have stickers to give away and i will make more whenever the time comes again <3

[lightofraye]

Friday the 15th

Despite the title of this post, no I'm not trying to make a kind of scary Friday the 13th (15th) thing. More... I have a huge life event coming up and the anxiety is getting to me.

It's a natural anxiety. When someone goes through something huge, they react in various ways. For a wedding, for example, it's a tremendous step. If they're 100% certain in that step, it's full of joy and perhap anxiety something will go wrong with the ceremony as opposed to anxiety about the person they're marrying. Moving across country can be anxiety inducing, despite the excitement and prospect of something new experiences.

Then there's surgery. Even the most minor of surgeries can be anxiety inducing because of what could go wrong. When I had a deviated septum fixed, the doctor actually outlined how it was a basic, minor surgery with potential for a lot of bad happening. So, you know, yay?

Now I have a new, terrifying surgery coming up. It's a necessary surgery, one that I had been forced to reschedule due to getting infected with influenza A just mere days prior. I was so sick that I was down and out of work for six weeks. It affected my voice (I still hear it time to time), my breathing, and I still wonder about the lingering symptoms I have. (Hard to tell if it's allergies or lingering influenza, honestly. But all tests say I'm fine, so...)

This surgery had been a long time coming. My doctor and I had been observing the symptoms, the cause of said symptoms, and it was only late last year that I decided it was time. The minor means of dealing with the issue weren't possible because the issue was too large--and those minor means were 1) extremely painful and 2) doesn't stop the issues from coming back.

I'm being very vague. So I'll say it outright now. What's the issue I'm referring to? Fibroids. Uterine fibroids, to be precise.

I had the issue start well over five years ago. Little minor symptoms that kept happening... and then kept staying. To the point where I gave up and tracked down my ob gyn because my mother had those symptoms that led to cervical cancer and I was not going to leave my young son alone to face his abusive father on his own.

Turned out, it wasn't cervical cancer. Or even uterine cancer. (Thank gods.) No... it was a fibroid. A growing fibroid, actually. Already by the time it was detected, a myomectomy was impossible. That'd work for small fibroids, and mine was already beyond the acceptable size. An ablation wasn't possible either, as the fibroid meant spots would be missed and the symptoms would continue.

My ob gyn had to refer me to a different ob gyn for a very simple, frustrating reason: it was a Catholic hospital and any treatment that'd work to stop the issues of the fibroid was against their policies.

Fortunately I found a great ob gyn and she agreed with my other ob gyn. We inserted a Mirena IUD to handle the biggest symptom--ongoing bleeding--and decided to monitor every six months. Every six months, it showed signs of growing. And growing.

Then it... stopped. So we decided that as long as the IUD was stopping the bleeding and I was doing okay, we'd just do a wait and see.

Well... late last year, it was getting worse again. Other symptoms appeared, too TMI for comfort, but let's say the bathroom and I were becoming too well acquainted.

So a hysterectomy was scheduled. It was supposed to have been the first week of April and I got hit with influenza late March. We waited until I felt better and other life events got sorted. We thought I'd be okay.

I was wrong. So very wrong.

I called my ob gyn and said "We need it out. It's getting painful." The fibroid was creating problems that are affecting me body-wide. Minor from weird ass chin hairs that were growing thick and repeatedly, something I never had before. (The fibroid is disrupting hormones on a very wide scale, much like PCOS.) To intense discomfort in my lower abdomen.

What's interesting are the other irrational thoughts happening. It's a discussing having been held before by other women who have also undergone such similar procedures.

Am I any less a woman for losing the uterus? The answer, naturally, is NO. Even if I were to lose my breasts as well as my uterus, I'm still a woman. Because I say I'm a woman. I lose pieces of the body to maintain the whole.

My health will be so much better for the loss of the uterus, especially as the fibroid will be gone and things settle on multiple layers. Hormones will be back to normal (after some disruption). The pain and discomfort will be gone. I presume that weird chin hair that keeps coming back will finally surrender the ghost.

Even so, it's a major life step. A major surgery that, thankfully, has become more routine. We're planning on using the daVinci Surgical System and hope no issues will occur. It's actually outpatient now, which has me stunned.

My daughter and daughter-in-law will monitor me after the surgery. The next few weeks after, I'll have to be careful with even light objects--I won't be allowed to lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk. (That's about 8 pounds, by the way.) That'll be frustrating for me, as I do a lot of heavy lifting on the regular.

But my health will be better. Eventually I'll heal. Eventually I'll celebrate no more purchases of hygiene products. I joked we'll have a "Yeet the Uterus" party, but we just might.

I'll never have to worry about unplanned pregnancies again, so that's something. Yes, even at my age, it can happen.

November the 15th is going to be a big day for me.

[vickysaurus-art]

My art in 2023

January

Microraptor and the Flowers. I started this year out making paleoart watercolours and never really stopped. This one is about a Microraptor investigating the first flowers she's ever seen. The flowers are Lingyuananthus, a lovely little fossil flower described in an even lovelier paper that was not behind a paywall for once.

February

Orthocones Descend. Having moved into a new apartment and made a timeline covering the walls, the paleozoic looked awfully empty, so I made a big effort to expand my horizons and do art showing creatures I'd never drawn before. Showing orthocones descending vertically on their prey made for a fun composition too.

March

Sinosauropteryx does not want to share its tree. I still can barely believe we know the colours of both Sinosauropteryx and Psittacosaurus. Dinosaur colours always felt like something we'd never figure out without literal actual time travel before we figured them out.

April

Hadrocodium's mossy home. I got the idea for one of the tiniest mammals of all time making its home in some moss on a tree while hiking in Switzerland and coming across some truly impressive moss beards.

May

Procompsognathus's cliff climb. Although the foreground cliff itself and the contrast between foreground and background didn't come out quite as well as I'd hoped, I still really like this art featuring the three main branches of archosaur (dinosaur, pterosaur, and pseudosuchian).

June

Anomalocaris, Dragon of the Cambrian. The realisation that most Cambrian creatures were tiny gave me the idea of a whole bunch of them hiding from a 40 cm long Anomalocaris while in positions reminiscent of a D&D party facing off against a dragon.

July

Caihong and the Kalligrammatids. Kalligrammatids were neuropterans that superficially resembled large butterflies, but unlike them their wings were transparent! I combined them with the gorgeous iridescence of Caihong and backlighting for a fun experiment.

August

Spring on the mammoth steppe. When the time came to do some art set in the Quaternary, I decided to depict a real life location and how it would have changed in the past few hundred thousand years. This spot is just west of Baden-Baden (which is in the glacier valley to the upper left), on the edge of the Schwartzwald. I also enjoyed depicting an ice age spring. It wasn't always snow and ice.

September

Darwinius and Geiseltaliellus's stare-off. The Paleogene was the last remaining Phanerozoic period I hadn't done any art of, so I drew this little scene in the Messel Pit formation.

October

Inostrancevia family at sunrise. I hadn't drawn Permian synapsids in a while at this point so they were overdue for a paleoart. I also felt like going absolute ham with my reds. The sunrise and Permian volcanism made for a convenient excuse but really, this is just for me.

November

Wind, Courage, and Wings. This one's a birthday gift for my friend, depicting a lovely fable in Genshin Impact about how the wind god Barbatos taught the first birds to fly.

December

The Zanclean Flood. 6 million years ago, the movement of the continents cut the Mediterranean off from the oceans. Since more water evaporates from the Mediterranean than it receives from rivers, this resulted in the sea drying up and becoming an incredibly deep, dry, salty lowland. Until 5.3 million years ago, when the Strait of Gibraltar formed and the entire sea was refilled in a massive flood. This depicts the early days of said flood seen from the tip of the Rock of Gibraltar.

If you've enjoyed my art this year, consider leaving me a tip! Or have a look at last year's art too.

[synthshenanigans]

woah hey a year has been passed wowie :0

First two weren't posted here cos they were too long ago & not CJish related but love the way he took up 70% of the year lol

[ Full images + templates below :} ]

[TW for Bright Colors, maybe blood & very very vague themes of depression/suicide for like 2 drawings I believe]

Long text about the arts if anyones actually curious!!

January: An old OC I completely forgot about until making this. He's based on old radio like things :}

February: Played Person 5 Royal last year & drew Joker cos idk he's neat. Fun fact, the same day I fully finished the game was the day Storm & a Spring came out. Also while grinding in the game, I had his Bidding & VoaC covers on repeat. Which was a bit annoying to do since they weren't on Spotify yet & YT on mobile didn't have looping then.

March: The Hawaii Part ii album cover :} I did post that eventually but that's the time I actually made it. Had listened to TME a couple of months before then which got me into the album, so months later I drew it cos why not? [Also the month Vol.1 fully released on everything. What's funny is my gallery for that day was a handful of memes I saved at 4am before I fell asleep. And then the next image saved is when I woke up which was a screenshot of the whiteboard in TfaR lol]

April: First main Jash art !!! And its not even with any of the songs from Vol. 1 lol. I had his Moss cover on repeat again & now that all of Vol. 1 was out, I drew Heart in some moss. Or really in the image from the video.

May: Lil animation I made of Heart with the song Don't Hit the Lights! Link to my post & the song can be found here :}. Still really like the song & even the drawings. Might remake em eventually idk

June: Sky/socialc1imb's Clue AU! I like murder mysteries & this one was real interesting so I drew it a lot lol. Might remake that one or one of the others I made at somepoint? It'll be a bit later if I do but ye

July: A redraw of a HMS piece I originally made back in May, based on the Three Wise Monkeys thing. I like the idea of it so I keep wanting to remake it.

August: I honestly can't remember if I posted that art or not. Actually yea I don't think I ever did PFFT. It's one of the few drawings I did of myself this year & its from CJs Not Perfect cover [as you can tell by the lyrics on it]. Also one of the very very few vent-ish arts I made. I like the background more than anything but its still neat ig?

September: Art for one of the best songs ever. I love Fine, I'm Fine its so good & I listened to it for like 70% of the 20+ hours it took me to make the drawing. Still proud of it so there's the sketch I drew on paper, the one on my tablet & then the final versions.

October: There was a lot from this month due to Jashtober. I still like this one lot & it wasn't insanely rushed so I picked this one to show lol.

November: I have no idea why I made a fun lil soul. I was having an identity crisis over my art style & ig decided to draw the guy who is a walking identity crisis/j

December: Same as September. One of my favorite songs ever was covered & released, so I made a drawing like everyone else lol.

[xxfanfiction-emo-trinityxx]

Tw: bullying underneath the cut

Long story short: if you have any advice on how to deal with bullying by social exclusion, let me know (but I don't have a teacher or boss or some authority figure I could ask to help, in case you were about to suggest that)

Long story long:

I didn't think I'd ever be in such a position again in which I feel so utterly alone. I thought after high school it would be over. Yet here we are, yet once again. I'm in Japan right now, have been since September last year. I'm in a small city, the only student from my homecountry and one of the few Europeans.

I was close to the Europeans and Australians until about December. One French girl stopped talking to me, and I noticed that the group stopped inviting me to stuff (lunches, dinners, trips, pub (well Izakaya) nights, drinking, just hanging out). It really killed my mood then already. But it got worse and worse until I asked her in February if I had done something that had upset or hurt her because she wasn't talking to me anymore. Her response was basically a long version of "I hate you". What really irritated me was the degrading language she used in the messages we exchanged. It was very obvious that she was looking down on me and felt the need to raise herself above me verbally. I know that not everyone likes me, and that's okay with me, but since I treat even people I don't like with respect, it irritated me how degrading she was.

It needed my mum to point it out to me to realise what she had done was effectively bullying by social exclusion. She manipulated the others into stopping to invite me, because she doesn't like me, most likely because she feels threatened by me in some form.

In these months the people I had been closest to (both foreigners and locals) stopped hanging out with me, which was a hard mental blow. In March I was traveling a lot, and since April I have regularly been playing volleyball with a group but I'm not close with either of them (we just don't seem to have chemistry for more than volleyball and dinners after). And I have my dance club, but being the only foreigner there does make things difficult sometimes, even though everyone is incredibly nice. But it's very hard building some kind of relationship with them beyond the training.

Then the new semester started, and I thought I'd have two French classmates to go to lunch with and my club and occasionally the volleyball people.

Except that the girl who started everything seems to try to push into the Volleyball group and the one French guy who I was closest with, also has begun distancing himself recently. And I'm about 99% certain it's by some kind of influence of this girl. The other person who goes to lunch with me is sweet and we get along but it's more like a "she's with us because we are nice to her and she doesn't have anyone else"-relationship. Plus she doesn't really like hanging out so much, especially in groups (which is fine! I still invite her every time I plan something, in case she wants to join, but most often she prefers to have the spare time to herself, which I also understand).

And since last week it has become really obvious that this guy who I almost considered my best (guy) friend (nobody reaches the person who, while reading this will know I'm talking about her) has been drawing back from me too. The thing is, I already told him about the problem a few weeks ago, but maybe that's what started it? I don't know. I know that if he had to "choose" between me and this other girl, he'd choose her, because they're from the same university.

Have I hidden in the bike parking lot during practice because I randomly started crying? Yes. Did I almost start crying on Saturday while we were rehearsing the formation? Yes. Have I cried to my mum about it yesterday so much that my eyes still hurt today? Yes. I've been here before and it hurt all the worse because of that. I have seen this picture before, people who knew I was gonna join them for lunch, sitting down at a table with too few chairs and too little space for me to join as well.

I don't really know what to do. I want to talk to some club people about it, but I don't know if it is wise, since in Japan the culture surrounding sharing problems is different. I run danger of making myself a burden to them (that's what it might be perceived like if you share problems).

I could ask some friends who have lived in Japan, if they think it's okay to share this with some club friends. And I was thinking I could write an Email to my supervisor, even though technically he's only there to answer if I have questions concerning research.

And I was thinking about talking to the one volleyball guy because he's training to become a middle school teacher and he might have learnt about how to handle bullying.

But if anyone else has any ideas on what I could/should do, please let me know. I feel so lonely at the moment, because I don't have anyone I can talk to in person and I don't even have anyone who speaks my native language. I usually try not to think about it and distract myself with rehearsing for the club, but because I've done that for over a week straight now, my body demands a break. I just really don't know what to do. Please send me a message, an ask, anything. I'd appreciate it immensely.

[clarktooncrossing]

Didn't Wanna Feel Older in 2024? TOO LATE!

So long, 2023! You have been a weird-@$$ year to say the least. Between by having to repair old thumb drives, purchase a new printer, finding out I'm susceptible to anxiety attacks, trying out dating for the first time, getting my Discord and Steam account hacked, starting a new Discord server since said account was never unhacked, opened myself up to commissions, managed to post art for Halloween, got Covid, summoned more Kaijus to play an elaborate game of poker, and had a merry enough Christmas. Here's hoping 2024 will prove better. At the moment I have no new goals, since I just want to relax after four months of constantly being active. There's a mile of books, movies, and TV shows I need to get caught up on! My opinions on all of them will be given in future Giraffe's Eye Views, but for now let's get to what you all came here for: yet another unnecessarily long list of things celebrating major milestones this year!

You all loved it when I did this last year. In fact it got more attention that anything else I posted, including the original art I put way more effort and time into. Nah, that didn't sting at all. Seeing my sketches get ignored is so much fun. Passive-aggressive joking aside, I do still love making these lists, so let's get started with some major stuff this year.

Thanksgiving wasn't too long ago, so why not mention that the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade turns 100 this year? I know, that's insane! Watching this festive event has become a seasonal staple in my house and is the only reason I've ever signed up for Peacock. Thank goodness in all those years it hasn't been smashed by a giant monster.

Godzilla turns 70 freak'n years old this year! How crazy insane is that? Here's hoping his old age won't slow him down when he teams up with King Kong this April. Even if it does, Gojira will continue being cinema's coolest character!

Contrasting with the King of the Monsters, Mary Poppins turns 60 years old this year. This movie, considered to be Walt's last masterpiece, has aged considerably well even after all this time.

Oh yeah, and Mickey Mouse enters the public domain this year. Still not entirely sure how that works, but whatever. What I do know is...

Anything from 1974 turns 50 this year. That includes-

The Fort Wilderness Resort (January 1st)

Happy Days (January 15th)

Blazing Saddles (February 7th)

"Waterloo" by ABBA (March 4th)

“Sundown” by Gordon Lightfoot (March 25th)

"Rikki Don't Lose That Number" by Steely Dan (April 25th)

Herbie Rides Again (June 6th)

"Sweet Home Alabama" by Lynyrd Skynyrd (June 24th)

America Sings (June 29th)

Gone in 60 Seconds (July 28th)

Hong Kong Phooey (September 7th)

Shazam! (TV series) (September 7th)

Little House on the Prairie (September 11th)

Wolverine debuted in The Incredible Hulk #180 (October)

Arkham Asylum makes its first appearance in Batman #258 (October)

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (October 11th)

Phantom of the Paradise (October 31st)

Earthquake (November 15th)

The Year Without a Santa Claus (December 10th)

Young Frankenstein (December 15th)

The Godfather Part II (December 20th)

Winnie the Pooh and Tigger, Too! (December 20th)

The Island at the Top of the World (December 20th)

An Adaptation of Dickens' Christmas Carol, Performed by The Walt Disney Players

“Bennie and the Jets” by Elton John

"Hooked On A Feeling" by Blue Swede

“The Loco-Motion” by Grand Funk Railroad

Anything from 1979 turns 45 this year. That includes-

Captain America (The TV movie) (January 19th)

The Dukes of Hazzard (January 26th)

The Warriors (February 9th)

John Carpenter's Elvis (February 11th)

Hair (March 14th)

"In the Navy" by the Village People (March 17th)

The Bad News Bears (March 24th)

Phantasm (March 28th)

"We Are Family" by Sister Sledge (April)

Nickelodeon (April 1st)

"Boogie Wonderland" by Earth, Wind, & Fire (May 6th)

Alien (May 25th)

Rocky II (June 15th)

"My Sharona" by The Knacks (June 18th)

The Muppet Movie (June 22nd) - THIS MOVIE SLAPS!

The Apple Dumpling Gang Rides Again (June 27th)

The Amityville Horror (July 27th)

"Highway to Hell" by AC/DC (July 27th)

Apocalypse Now (August 15th)

"Don't Bring Me Down" by Electric Light Orchestra (August 24th)

Big Thunder Mountain Railroad (September 2nd)

The Bugs Bunny / Road Runner Movie (September 14th)

Scooby-Doo and Scrappy-Doo (September 22nd)

Spider-Woman (TV show) (September 22nd)

The Black Stallion (October 17th)

Atari's Asteroids (November)

The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh (November 6th)

Pink Floyd's The Wall (November 30th)

Star Trek: The Motion Picture (December 7th)

1971 (December 14th)

The Jerk (December 14th)

The Black Hole (December 20th)

Mickey Mouse Disco

Anything from 1984 turns 40 this year. That includes-

The Kid Who Collects Spider-Man (January)

Night Court (January 4th)

"Rock You Like a Hurricane" by Scorpions (February 3rd)

Footloose (February 17th)

Nintendo's Punch-Out!! (February 17th)

"Eat It" by Weird Al Yankovic (February 28th)

Splash (March 9th)

Children of the Corn (March 9th)

Run DMC (March 27th)

Romancing the Stone (March 30th)

The Toxic Avenger (April 11th)

Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (April 13th)

My Little Pony: Rescue at Midnight Castle (April 14th)

"We're Not Gonna Take It" by Twisted Sister (April 27th)

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Franchise (May)

Marvel's Secret Wars (May)

Spider-Man's Black Suit debuted in The Amazing Spider-Man #252 (May)

"What's Love Got to Do with It" by Tina Turner (May 1st)

WHAM!'s Make It Big (May 14th)

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (May 23rd)

Once Upon a Time in America (June 1st)

Star Trek III: The Search for Spock (June 1st)

Bruce Springsteen's Born in the U.S.A. (June 4th)

Ghostbusters (June 8th)

Gremlins (June 8th)

The Karate Kid (June 22nd)

Prince's Purple Rain (June 25th)

Conan the Destroyer (June 29th)

The Last Starfighter (July 13th)

The Muppets Take Manhattan (July 13th)

The NeverEnding Story (July 20th)

The Adventures of Andre & Wally B. (July 25th)

Dragon's Lair (TV show) (September 8th)

Voltron (September 10th)

Muppet Babies (September 15th)

Miami Vice (September 16th)

The Transformers Franchise (September 17th)

Murder, She Wrote (September 30th)

Thomas & Friends (October 9th)

Fist of the North Star (anime) (October 11th)

"We Belong" by Pat Benatar (October 16th)

The Terminator (October 26th)

"Like a Virgin" by Madonna (October 31st)

A Nightmare on Elm Street (November 16th)

Supergirl (movie) (November 21st)

Beverly Hills Cop (December 5th)

Hydlide (December 13th)

Starman (December 14th)

Frankenweenie (December 14th)

Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo (December 19th)

The Country Bear Christmas Special (December 19th)

Anything from 1989 turns 35 this year. That includes-

The Arsenio Hall Show (January 3rd)

Gotham by Gaslight (February)

SimCity (February)

LJN's Friday the 13th for NES (February)

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (February 17th)

The Toxic Avenger Part II (February 24th)

"Like a Prayer" by Madonna (March 3rd)

Quantum Leap (March 26th)

The Jim Henson Hour (April 14th)

Ranma 1/2 (April 15th)

Pet Sematary (April 21st)

Nintendo's Super Mario Land (April 21st)

Tom Petty's Full Moon Fever (April 24th)

Dragon Ball Z (April 26th)

Disney's Hollywood Studios (formally Disney-MGM Studios) (May 1st)

Disney's Pleasure Island (May 1st)

The Trial of the Incredible Hulk (May 7th)

Konami's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for NES (May 12th)

Road House (May 19th)

"Bust a Move" by Young MC (May 22nd)

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (May 24th)

Typhoon Lagoon (June 1st)

Dead Poets Society (June 9th)

Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (June 9th)

Tales from the Crypt (June 10th)

Ghostbusters II (June 16th)

Roger Rabbit in Tummy Trouble (June 23rd)

Honey, I Shrunk the Kids (June 23rd)

Tim Burton's Batman (June 23rd)

The Karate Kid Part III (June 30th)

Do the Right Thing (June 30th)

Weekend at Bernie's (July 5th)

Seinfeld (July 5th)

Lethal Weapon 2 (July 7th)

When Harry Met Sally… (July 14th)

Splash Mountain (July 17th)

UHF (July 21st)

Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (July 28th)

Kiki's Delivery Service (July 29th)

A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (August 11th)

"Pump Up the Jam" by Technotronic (August 18th)

Saved by the Bell (August 20th)

"The Best" by Tina Turner (August 21st)

Little Monsters (August 25th)

LJN's Back to the Future on NES (September)

G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero (September 4th)

The Super Mario Bros. Super Show! (September 4th)

American Gladiators (September 9th)

Captain N: The Game Master (September 9th)

Beetlejuice: The Animated Series (September 9th)

LJN's Who Framed Roger Rabbit for NES (September 14th)

Capcom's DuckTales for NES (September 14th)

Doogie Howser, M.D (September 19th)

Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation 1814 (September 19th)

Baywatch (September 22nd)

Family Matters (September 22nd)

Penn & Teller Get Killed (September 22nd)

Capcom's DuckTales for NES (October)

Neil Young's Freedom (October 2nd)

Prince of Persia for Apple II (October 3rd)

Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (October 13th)

The Little Mermaid (November 17th)

All Dogs Go to Heaven (November 17th)

Prancer (November 17th)

Back to the Future Part II (November 22nd)

The Toxic Avenger Part III: The Last Temptation of Toxie (November 24th)

America's Funniest Home Videos (November 26th)

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (December 1st)

The Wizard (December 15th)

The Simpsons (December 17th)

Konami's Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse on NES (December 22nd)

Fester's Quest for NES

Anything from 1994 turns 30 this year. That includes-

You're in the Super Bowl, Charlie Brown (January 18th)

The Critic (January 26th)

Roger Rabbit's Cartoon Spin (January 26th)

"Baby, I Love Your Way" by Big Mountain (February 1st)

Green Day's Dookie (February 1st)

Sega's Sonic the Hedgehog 3 for Genesis (February 2nd)

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (February 4th)

Where on Earth Is Carmen Sandiego? (February 5th)

Aladdin: The Series (February 6th)

The Busy World of Richard Scarry (March 9th)

Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult (March 18th)

Nintendo's Super Metroid for SNES (March 19th)

Food Rocks (March 26th)

Thumbelina (March 30th)

Final Fantasy VI (April 2nd)

Space Ghost Coast to Coast (April 15th)

All That (April 16th)

Doom II for MS-DOS (May 5th)

The Stand (May 8th)

Weezer's Blue Album (May 10th)

The Crow (May 13th)

The Return of Jafar and Disney Direct-to-Home Sequels as a whole (May 20th)

Beverly Hills Cop III (May 25th)

The Flintstones (May 27th)

Speed (June 10th)

The Lion King (June 15th)

Forrest Gump (July 6th)

Angels in the Outfield (July 15th)

True Lies (July 15th)

Black Beauty (July 29th)

The Mask (July 29th)

The Little Rascals (August 5th)

"Cotton Eye Joe" by Rednex (August 12th)

EarthBound for SNES (August 27th)

VR Troopers (September 3rd)

Street Sharks (September 7th)

The Magic School Bus (September 10th)

The Tick (September 10th)

Quiz Show (September 14th)

Léon: The Professional (September 14th)

Tekken (September 21st)

Friends (September 22nd)

The Shawshank Redemption (September 23rd)

Ed Wood (September 27th)

Earthworm Jim (October)

Spider-Man's Infamous Clone Saga (October)

A Troll in Central Park (October 7th)

Pulp Fiction (October 14th)

Wes Craven's New Nightmare (October 14th)

Sega's Sonic & Knuckles for Genesis (October 18th)

Clerks (October 19th)

Aaahh!!! Real Monsters (October 22nd)

Gargoyles (October 24th)

Gullah Gullah Island (October 24th)

Killer Instinct (October 28th)

Mortal Kombat II (November)

Mary Shelley's Frankenstein (November 4th)

In Search of Dr. Seuss (November 6th)

The Santa Clause (November 11th)

Rare's Donkey Kong Country for SNES (November 18th)

Miracle on 34th Street remake (November 18th)

Star Trek Generations (November 18th)

The Swan Princess (November 18th)

Spider-Man: The Animated Series (November 19th)

Disney's Greatest Hits on Ice (November 25th)

Wing Commander III: Heart of the Tiger (December 12th)

The Land Before Time II: The Great Valley Adventure (December 13th)

Dumb and Dumber (December 16th)

Richie Rich (December 21st)

Rudyard Kipling's The Jungle Book (December 25th)

Anything from 1999 turns 25 this year. That includes-

Ed, Edd n Eddy (January 4th)

Batman Beyond (January 10th)

The Sopranos (January 10th)

Jon Stewart becomes host of The Daily Show (January 11th)

Disney's All-Star Movies Resort (January 15th)

Nintendo's Super Smash Bros. for N64 (January 21st)

Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century (and a crap load of other Disney Channel Original movies for that matter) (January 23rd)

Zoboomafoo (January 25th)

"My Name Is" by Eminem (January 25th)

Family Guy (January 31st)

Square's Final Fantasy VIII for PS1 (February 11th)

The Planet's Funniest Animals (February 17th)

October Sky (February 19th)

Office Space (February 19th)

Konami's Silent Hill for PS1 (February 23rd)

Batman: No Man's Land (March)

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (March)

Pepsiman for PS1 (March 4th)

Test Trak (March 17th)

RollerCoaster Tycoon (March 22nd)

Doug's 1st (and only) Movie (March 26th)

"Livin' la Vida Loca" by Ricky Martin (March 27th)

The Matrix (March 31st)

"I Want It That Way" by The Backstreet Boys (April 12th)

"What's My Age Again?" by blink-182 (April 13th)

Mickey Mouse Works (May 1st)

SpongeBob SquarePants (May 1st)

The Mummy (May 7th)

"Genie in a Bottle" by Christina Aguilera (May 11th)

Aliens Versus Predator (game) (May 13th)

Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace (May 19th)

The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (ride) (June 4th)

Disney Sing Along Songs: Flik's Musical Adventure at Disney's Animal Kingdom (June 8th)

Smash Mouth's Astro Lounge and their hit "All Star" (June 8th)

Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (June 11th)

Tarzan (June 18th)

South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (June 30th)

Wild Wild West (June 30th)

American Pie (July 9th)

The Blair Witch Project (July 14th)

Muppets from Space (July 14th)

Eyes Wide Shut (July 16th)

Inspector Gadget (July 23rd)

Deep Blue Sea (July 28th)

Rock 'n' Roller Coaster Starring Aerosmith (July 29th)

The Iron Giant (August 6th)

The Sixth Sense (August 6th)

Rocket Power (August 16th)

Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? (the American version) (August 16th)

Dragon Tales (September 6th)

Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (September 20th)

The West Wing (September 22nd)

Capcom's Resident Evil 3: Nemesis for PS1 (September 22nd)

Freaks and Geeks (September 25th)

Alvin and the Chipmunks Meet Frankenstein (September 28th)

Tony Hawk's Pro Skater (September 29th)

Journey into YOUR Imagination (October 1st)

The Adventures of Elmo in Grouchland (October 1st)

Spider-Man Unlimited (October 2nd)

Scooby-Doo! and the Witch's Ghost (October 5th)

Fight Club (October 15th)

Namco's Pac-Man World (October 15th)

The Amanda Show (October 16th)

The Nuttiest Nutcracker (October 19th)

Grand Theft Auto 2 (October 22nd)

Ubisoft's Rayman 2: The Great Escape (October 29th)

Insomniac's Spyro 2: Ripto's Rage! for PS1 (November 2nd)

Mickey's Once Upon a Christmas (November 9th)

Courage the Cowardly Dog (November 12th)

Square's Chrono Cross for PS1 (November 18th)

Tim Burton's Sleepy Hollow (November 19th)

Nintendo's Pokémon Gold and Silver for Gameboy Advance (November 21st)

Toy Story 2 (November 24th)

Fantasia 2000 (December 17th)

Stuart Little (December 17th)

Wakko's Wish (December 21st)

Man on the Moon (December 22nd)

Galaxy Quest (December 25th)

Asia at Disney's Animal Kingdom

Anything from 2004 turns 20 this year. That includes-

Winnie the Pooh: Un-Valentine's Day (January 6th)

Teacher's Pet: The Movie (January 16th)

The Butterfly Effect (January 23rd)

The Lion King 1 1/2 (February 9th)

50 First Dates (February 13th)

Power Rangers Dino Thunder (February 14th)

"Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane (February 16th)

Clifford's Really Big Movie (February 20th)

Nintendo's The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords Adventures for Gamecube (March 18th)

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (March 19th)

Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed (March 26th)

Home on the Range (April 2nd)

Danny Phantom (April 3rd) - Screw Butch Hartman, but this show still rocks!

Hellboy (April 2nd)

Ella Enchanted (April 9th)

Kill Bill: Volume 2 (April 16th)

Nintendo's Pikmin 2 for Gamecube (April 29th)

Super Size Me (May 7th)

Van Helsing (May 7th)

Shrek 2 (May 19th)

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (May 31st)

Marvel Knights: Spider-Man (June)

DC's Identity Crisis (June)

Garfield: The Movie (June 11th)

Napoleon Dynamite (June 11th)

"My Happy Ending" by Avril Lavigne (June 14th)

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (June 18th)

Phil of the Future (June 18th)

The Notebook (June 25th)

Spider-Man 2 (June 30th)

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (July 9th)

"Breakaway" by Kelly Clarkson (July 19th)

Nintendo's Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door for Gamecube (July 22nd)

Catwoman (July 23rd)

The Bourne Supremacy (July 23rd)

Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (July 30th)

Justice League Unlimited (July 31st)

Blue's Room (August 2nd)

Alien vs. Predator (film) (August 13th)

Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends (August 13th)

Mickey, Donald, Goofy: The Three Musketeers (August 17th)

Brandy & Mr. Whiskers (August 21st)

The Batman (show) (September 11th)

Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide (September 12th)

Higglytown Heroes (September 13th)

Sly 2: Band of Thieves for PS2 (September 14th)

Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperforce Go! (September 18th)

Star Wars: Battlefront (September 21st)

Green Day's American Idiot (September 21st)

Lost (September 22nd)

Shark Tale (October 1st)

Drew Carey's Green Screen Show (October 7th)

Surviving Christmas (October 22nd)

Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas (October 26th)

Saw (October 29th)

Insomniac's Ratchet & Clank: Up Your Arsenal for PS2 (November 2nd)

The Incredibles (November 5th)

Mickey's Twice Upon a Christmas (November 9th)

Halo 2 (November 9th)

Naughty Dog's Jak 3 for PS2 (November 9th)

The Polar Express (November 10th)

The Sims 2 (November 14th)

Stitch's Great Escape (November 16th)

Turtle Talk with Crush (November 16th)

Kangaroo Jack: G'Day U.S.A.! (November 16th)

Vampire: The Masquerade – Bloodlines (November 16th)

Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater (November 17th)

Half-Life 2 (November 18th)

National Treasure (November 19th)

Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi (November 19th)

The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (November 19th)

Howl's Moving Castle (November 20th)

Nintendo DS (November 21st)

World of Warcraft (November 23rd)

Christmas with the Kranks (November 24th)

Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic II (December 6th)

Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories for Gameboy Advance (December 7th)

PlayStation Portable (PSP) (December 12th)

Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events (December 17th)

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (December 25th)

Shaun of the Dead

Anything from 2009 turns 15 this year. That includes-

Hotel for Dogs (January 16th)

Wolverine and the X-Men (January 23rd)

Paul Blart: Mall Cop (January 16th)

Coraline (February 6th)

Friday the 13th (remake) (February 13th)

Halo Wars (February 26th)

Sega's Sonic and the Black Knight for Wii (March 3th)

Capcom's Resident Evil 5 (March 5th)

Zack Snyder's Watchmen (March 6th)

Power Rangers RPM (March 7th)

Race to Witch Mountain (March 13th)

The Secret of Kells (March 19th)

Monsters vs. Aliens (March 27th)

Batman: Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader? (April 2009)

Special Agent Oso (April 4th)

Parks and Recreation (April 9th)

Dragonball Evolution (April 10th)

Iron Man: Armored Adventures (April 24th)

X-Men Origins: Wolverine (May 1st)

Plants vs. Zombies (May 5th)

Star Trek (remake) (May 8th)

Terminator Salvation (May 21st)

The Boys: The Sherman Brothers' Story (May 22nd)

Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian (May 22nd)

Up (May 29th)

The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien (June 1st)

The Sims 3 (June 2nd)

The Hangover (June 5th)

Indiana Jones and the Staff of Kings (June 9th)

"I Gotta Feeling" by Black Eyed Peas (June 15th)

Ghostbusters: The Video Game (June 16th)

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (June 24th)

Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs (July 1st)

"Fireflies" by Owl City (July 14th)

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (July 15th)

G-Force (July 24th)

(500) Days of Summer (August 7th)

District 9 (August 14th)

The Time Traveler's Wife (August 14th)

Inglourious Basterds (August 21st)

Batman: Arkham Asylum (August 25th)

Rob Zombie's Halloween II (August 28th)

Disney buys Marvel for $4 billion (August 3st)

Waking Sleeping Beauty (September 6th)

Dinosaur Train (September 7th)

Walt & El Grupo (September 9th)

9 (September 9th)

The Vampire Diaries (September 10th)

Marvel: Ultimate Alliance 2 (September 15th)

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs (September 18th)

Jennifer's Body (September 18th)

Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days (September 29th) - Still the dumbest name ever 15 years later.

Zombieland (October 2nd)

Where the Wild Things Are (October 16th)

Borderlands (October 20th)

DJ Hero (October 27th)

A Christmas Carol (November 6th)

Fanboy & Chum Chum (November 6th) - BOO! This show was the actual worst!

Fantastic Mr. Fox (November 13th)

Lego Indiana Jones 2: The Adventure Continues (November 17th)

Left 4 Dead 2 (November 17th)

Assassin's Creed II (November 17th)

Planet 51 (November 20th)

The Twilight Saga: New Moon (November 20th) - YUK!

Turtles Forever (November 21st)

Big Time Rush (November 28th)

Phineas and Ferb Christmas Vacation! (December 6th)

Prep & Landing (December 8th)

The Princess and the Frog (December 11th)

Avatar (December 18th)

Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (December 23rd)

RuPaul's Drag Race

Minecraft

New Super Mario Bros. Wii

Anything from 2014 turns 10 this year. That includes-

True Detective (January 12th)

The Lego Movie (February 7th)

South Park: The Stick of Truth (March 4th)

Mr. Peabody & Sherman (March 7th)

The Grand Budapest Hotel (March 7th)

Dark Souls II (March 11th)

Muppets Most Wanted (March 21st)

Jim Henson's Creature Shop Challenge (March 25th)

Captain America: The Winter Soldier (April 4th)

Rio 2 (April 11th)

Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (April 26th)

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (May 2nd)

Chef (May 9th)

Godzilla (May 16th)

X-Men: Days of Future Past (May 23rd)

Seven Dwarfs Mine Train (May 28th)

Maleficent (May 30th)

Edge of Tomorrow (June 6th)

The Fault in Our Stars (June 6th)

Phineas and Ferb Save Summer (June 9th)

How to Train Your Dragon 2 (June 13th)

Shovel Knight (June 26th)

Transformers: Age of Extinction (June 27th)

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (July 11th)

Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie (July 21st)

Phineas and Ferb: Star Wars (July 26th)

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers's Hypnotic Eye (July 28th)

Guardians of the Galaxy (August 1st)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (movie) (August 8th)

Five Nights at Freddy's (August 8th)

P.T. (August 12th)

BoJack Horseman (August 22nd)

Destiny (September 9th)

Gotham (September 22nd)

Disney Infinity: 2.0 Edition (September 23rd)

Black-ish (September 24th)

How to Get Away with Murder (September 25th)

My Little Pony: Equestria Girls – Rainbow Rocks (September 27th)

Middle-Earth: Shadow of Mordor (September 20th)

Star Wars Rebels (October 3rd)

Annabelle (October 3rd)

Gone Girl (October 3rd)

Alien: Isolation (October 6th)

The Flash (October 7th)

BİRDMAN or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) (October 17th)

The Book of Life (October 17th)

John Wick (October 24th)

Taylor Swift's 1989 (October 27th)

Sunset Overdrive (October 28th)

Interstellar (November 5th)

Big Hero 6 (November 7th)

Assassin's Creed Unity (November 11th)

Far Cry 4 (November 18th)

Penguins of Madagascar (November 28th)

Toy Story That Time Forgot (December 2nd)

Peter Pan Live! (December 4th)

The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies (December 17th)

Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb (December 19th)

Wow, that took forever to type. Chances are I missed something, so if something you enjoy is hitting a major milestone this year, leave it in the comments below!

MAY THE GLASSES BE WITH YOU!

[nerdnag]

The time has come for me to finish my philosophy bachelor's.

...Lots of ramble below. I mostly just need to get my thoughts out, but there is a plan by the end!

For those of you who were around in May, you may recall that I struggled a lot to get a sort-of-presentable draft ready for my supervisor, hoping to be able to hand the thing in before the end of the semester, and was then completely slammed down into the dirt by said supervisor when he returned the draft a few days later with... pretty strong words about it. Few of which were positive. I couldn't bring myself to read the comments he'd left in the actual document at the time, because the email was enough to bring me to tears.

Yeah.

I mean, he wasn't wrong, it was just a bit shocking to have him go from "hey, how's it going for you, the thesis treating you well? oh and here's a link to a fun video i found on the internet" one day to almost-kinda-petty critique the next. And also, I am wholly unused to disappointing teachers, supervisors, mentors or superiors of any kind. That may sound strange considering my ADHD, which should in theory have gotten me in lots of situations like that, but my entire life, I've usually managed to make use of three things that have helped immensely to get things done well and on time: 1) special interests/obsessions/hyperfocus, 2) perfectionism and performance anxiety, and 3) high IQ. Number one has helped with motivation and creative flow; number 2 has helped motivate me through shame; and number 3 has helped me "bullshit" my way through assignments/relatively easily create a coherent and acceptable final product without doing all of the actual work I should have done (...and also making the actual work I do put in a pretty good quality).

But for some reason, these tactics didn't quite work out this time. I could come up with many different ideas about why this was, but one really important part of it was probably the fact that I've been heavily overloaded with work at my job and still haven't fully recovered from the immense stress I was under from March 2022-June 2023. I might not be able to recover from that period of my life without doing some pretty extreme changes in how I live my life, and although I've been working on trying to make some of those changes over the course of the first half of this year, it hasn't been impactful enough yet.

And so in the middle of this, of trying to recover from a backlog of both work and stress, while still being under quite a lot of stress at work (although not even remotely compared to how it was a year ago), I was also trying to write a bachelor's thesis in my spare time.

Oh, and did I mention I also took on a volunteer position in my spare time from April onwards that has demanded quite a lot of time?

(Jfc why do I do this to myself. ...Because it's fun and I am bad at saying no. That's why.)

Anyway, enough rambling about what's happened and the reasons for it - long story short, I realised I wouldn't be able to finish the thesis in time, and so I told my supervisor I'd hand it in by the end of the summer instead. And wouldn't you know it, the end of summer is closing in. :)

So with the help of my partner, I managed to finally open the document containing my supervisor's comments, and rather than lose myself in complete and utter anxiety and horror over the words, we could sort of laugh over how unnecessarily harsh he was being. (I guess my supervisor actually was a bit disappointed, since he'd seen before that I was more capable than that. I don't blame him.) I also realised that it wasn't quite as bad as I had imagined, and that my life isn't actually over and done for. So yeah. (He even had a couple of positive comments for me, actually.)

Then we made a plan for how to tackle this thing. I'm going away on the 22nd of July, so the goal right now is to have a finished draft to send to my supervisor on the 21st. Then he can read it, give comments, tell me whether he gives his approval or not, and after I've made any necessary adjustments, I can hand in an opposition version by the middle of August. Since I am currently on vacation, and I do need to actually try to wind down from work as well, I've settled on working on my thesis for 3 hours each day, starting tomorrow (the 13th), and my deadline each day is noon. If I realise after this Sunday that I need more time, I'll increase it to 4 hours every day.

It should work. I know what I need to do, and my supervisor's comments are clear. I enjoy writing and doing research and I will finish this in a way that I'm proud and happy about.

So there. That's my promise to myself. I'll climb out of this hole, fill it in with new dirt, and then start building the collapsed tower of blocks up again.

[lgcseojin]

✱ SEOJIN'S JOURNAL ( 2006 - current )

This journal is property of Park Seojin. It contains sensitive topics and precious thoughts. If you find this, don't open it or else he'll come find you and take you to Suplex City! Go away.

Septembur September, 2006 The therapy lady said if I pretend I'm talking to God then I can write eeeasier. I dunno. Don't wanna talk to you right now buddy. Cuz somtymes sometimes I kinda wish you didn't make me so I'm upset at you. And I hate cake and I don't wanna blow out anymore stupid candelsles. It just makes me feel real mad. Speshully Especially when Miss Heejung tries to give me hugs. I don't want none of that I just wanna go back to my friends somtimes.

November 30th, 2006 Mr Dongwoo Dad said that the baby is gonna come any day now. I'm gonna be mad if the kid is born on my birthday no way am I gonna share. It's my day!! I want somethin that's mine.

December 25th, 2006 Didn't write in this thing cuz I forgot. Anyway. Christmas is real fun. I got an RC racer thing!!!!! It goes so fast hahahah!!

January 15th, 2007 The baby was really late. They called her Dahye. She looked at me kinda funny but she didn't cry when I hugged her.

September 3rd, 2007 I got moved to a different class and stuff. I wanna throw books cuz now I'm not with my friends. But the teach said we were dissruptin class or whatever. I get to sit next to a girl now and she stuck her tongue out at me so I stuck out my middle finger. Her name is Boram.

March 14th, 2008 Girls are weird. I gave Boram my chocolates cuz she gave me some and then she said she was gonna throw em in the toilet. Whatever. I didn't like her anyways.

May 21st, 2009 Hahahah!!! Jaehyuk hyung came to school today and brought a real lizard. Yep it was real I checked and everything. Haesung said we should dissect it but we were like no way. I wanna make it my pet. It looks so sick! Not sick sick but cool

June 17th, 2009 I bought a guitar!!!

November 27th, 2009 A weird lady said hi to me when I was walking home. She had really long hair and a funny smile. She looked real sick (the real kind) and said my name. Maybe she's one of them no homes people or a ghost or somethin

November 29th, 2009 The weird lady tried to give me a bag of chips and grab my hand. Did she think I was 5 years old or somethin. That shit don't work on 11 year olds. So I ran away real fast. Skinned my knee. It fuckin hurt.

December 1st, 2009 Stuff sucks real bad right now. I'm real sorry God. I don't wanna go back no more. I just wanna stay here now. I'm sorry.

December 1st, 2010 She called again. I can't have one day.

December 1st, 2011 Sorry I keep ignoring you. Lotsa shit is happening lately. That lady hasn't even read this since like 2 years ago. Why do I even bother? How did I do it again? Hi, God? Haha. I'm good, I guess. Bored right now. Eating some kinda bread dad bought in Japan. Way too sweet but whatever. Birthday went okay. They gave me a party and it wasn't anything special I guess.

January 20th, 2013 Got nothing else to do so I'm gonna write in this again. Fuck this city. Fuck everything. I don't wanna move and leave everyone behind. This sucks so fucking much. Seoul seems like it sucks anyway. But at least Jaehyuk is there... Ugh nevermind. It makes feel sick to write while the car's moving all over the place, and Dahye won't stop pinching me. I'm gonna give this kid a headlock.

April 30th, 2013 Some kid almost ran me over with his bike so I grabbed it and he fell on me. Buncha stolen shit fell outta his jacket and everything. Hahaha. He begged me not to tell anyone. I think he's a grade below me even though he said he's like 13 I think. Seems real smart. Name is Cheol... something. I guess he's ok when we started to talk but if he runs me over again I'm gonna pummel him for sure.

August 2nd, 2013 Mom had the baby today. The kid is real cute and she grabbed my finger super tight. I'm gonna be honest. I kinda felt like crying and stuff. She's real cute, Dasom. I wanna protect her.

October 12th, 2013 Jaehyuk wants to start a band or whatever. Know I never mentioned it before but I kinda like to sing and I know how to play guitar. I'll give it a shot. He introduced me to some guy named Taewoo from another school and I asked Cheol if he wanted to join, too. Here goes nothing I guess.

February 23rd, 2015 I asked Minkyung out. I know you don't know who that is yet, God. Sorry about that. I was being an idiot just being in my head instead. She's in the same class as me. She's got short hair like to her neck kinda length. It's really funny. The class was playing soccer and she kicked the ball at my head. She seemed real scared about it and she came over to check on me and grabbed my face. That's what it's like to fall in love right??

July 9th, 2016 Long time no see, huh? Lots of good news happened so far. Well, kinda. First, I'm still going out with Minkyung. :) Second, I entered a singing contest and I got 3rd place, so a guy with a card came up to us and all. He was from a company... entertainment company. Legacy or something. Well, I auditioned and made it. Cool, right? Weird, though... Didn't think this could be a thing for me. Well, I'm gonna mooch these vocal lessons and see what happens I guess. Taewoo won't stop calling me a fucking sell-out though. Bastard. Anyway... the next news is awkward kinda. Mom and dad decided to foster this kid. He's like 12 or 13 or something and he's already getting on my nerves... Feel bad for him though. I know what it's like.

June 14th, 2017 Shit sucks. What a joke. See if those fuckers mess with Hyunseung again. I'd kick their asses all over again until they leave him alone.

December 2nd, 2017 She called me again. I don't get why she just won't leave me the hell alone. I can't do this shit. I don't care if I'm her "real son". Why did she have to find me? You left me there for like almost 7 years and now you wanna keep trying.

March 1st, 2018 I decided to start over. It's for the best, probably. Dim is over. I left the company. Me and Minkyung decided it would be better if we broke up. I couldn't even look at her anymore after I went off the deep end and didn't wanna be around anybody for a while. It was like shit was falling apart and I didn't wanna be like that and hurt her. Then have to leave her. And the guys. I feel like shit. I don't even know if this is the right choice. I'm taking you with me. There's still a lot of space to fill.

March 28th, 2018 It's the fifth day of basics. A week in and I've got some smart idea to start a journal. Apparently it's supposed to be "good" for me as an outlet but like... For all I know, some guy will take it, read it, and make fun of me. Whatever. This is stupid. The food sucks.

March 30th, 2018 Guy named Jung Woobin joined today. Kind of a nerd, but he's in my temporary unit and the bed next to mine. Might as well make friends. He keeps talking about random shit. Maybe I can see if he likes Slam Dunk. Well, I'm not here to make friends anyways, am I? Nothing else interesting happened. Entries are gonna be short till something interesting happens.

April 5th, 2018 Week two. Not hype. Hate waking up fucking early. This sucks ass. Some guy lost his shit and ran off in some random direction. They labeled him as a deserter. Feel kinda bad for him. Just glad he wasn't in my unit.

April 8th, 2018 New recruits came. There was overflow in bunking so they stuck a guy with us. I get a chaebol smell off of him but he seems alright so far. Let's see how he does during the first week.

April 21st, 2018 I'm tired of this Kang dude. Nearly kicked his ass before we got stopped. What a prick. He snores when he sleeps, too. I'm gonna plug his nostrils.

May 1st, 2018 Transfer to marines unit today. Off to Pohang. Wish me luck.

July 30th, 2018 Finally got time to sit down and write. Shit's been intense. The C.O. is no fucking stickler. He makes our squad wake up up to an hour earlier than the others. Set our alarms as the wake up song that blasts outside. Today, I swear we got to bed at midnight and got up at 3:30am. Wanted us to get our rounds done early so we can get a head start into the MMA training so we're in top shape. Tomorrow, our platoon is supposed to meet with the American marines that are stationed here, too.

October 10th, 2018 My English isn't that great but I kinda talked to this guy and we became friends. Tall, wavy hair, super ripped. Said his name is Andreas like the fault line but I dunno what that means, really. I can just call him Andy, he calls me Jin. His Korean is pretty good, actually. Hahaha.

October 11th, 2018 We sat by the river when everything is done and he and his friend taught me how to skin a rabbit. Then, the guy said he was gonna go rock fishing ( I think, I couldn't get his accent but I think he was from Australia or something ) and pulled a catfish with his bare hands. I'm serious! Wish I coulda taken a picture...

October 14th, 2018 It's the last day of the collab camp thing. Andy gave me a book. D'Aulaires' Book of Greek Myths. I guess I should get better at English... But he said he's staying in Seoul after this. And his dad's got a boxing gym or something. Once I'm out, I'll check it out.

December 1st, 2018 They remembered my birthday. Never thought I'd get a Chocopie with a candle sticking out of it. Whatever works. I don't like sweets anyway and it's cold as balls.

February 13th, 2019 I'm on break for seollal! Came back home for a bit to see everyone. I know I saw them in between but still... This is nice. Chan must've gotten real tall over the summer. Dasom ran up to me and hugged me real tight. As for Dahye, she shook my hand. What a weird kid. I missed them so much. Gonna go spend time with them now. I won't forget you at home. Promise.

March 26th, 2019 A new guy joined us today. Real jumpy, that one. Said he got transferred to our unit for some reason he won't say. Rumor is that he tried to kill some guy and he's in a gang back in Daejeon. I don't believe it for a second. What a stupid story.

April 3rd, 2019 Caught Lcpl. Shin creeping around the place after dark not in his bunk. I got up to take a piss and he almost scared it right outta me. This is like the 2nd time this happened. Since our ranks are the same there's not much I can do. Should I tell the C.O.? Shit, why am I asking you? I don't think you would know what to do either.

April 17th, 2019 Fuck it, we finally ratted on the guy. The hell is he doing lurking around the latrines all the time... Must be some kinda weirdo. I guess that's why he was transferred. Shoulda kicked him out instead. Woobin said he saw him with a knife when he got out so I dunno what to think anymore. Lt said it isn't a big deal. That the guy's gotta be touched in the head, whatever that means.

April 22nd, 2019 Something or some dipshit keeps knocking on the barracks again. Can't fucking sleep. Shit sucks.

May 24th, 2019 Things were quiet for a while. There was a weird smell coming from the latrines and it wasn't cause of the crap they serves us. Found a dead bird strung up with shoelaces. Can't eat tonight.

May 28th, 2019 Can't sleep. Knocking again. The alarms went off. Glitch, I guess.

May 31st, 2019 Some shit went down. Two of the guys started wailing on each other outta nowhere. Screaming real loud about something. I didn't really bother trying to figure it out when we got them off each other. They were reprimanded. Only 9 of us, so this shit really stirred things up. Must have been some kinda disagreement. But everyone's fucking tired. Climbing drills are tomorrow.

June 1st, 2019 The ropes were cut. Or frayed. Or old, or something. It's my fault, isn't it? If I didn't pull so hard then Hwang wouldn't have fallen. Everything's okay. He said it wasn't cause of me. They took him out for a short medical leave. Hope he's okay. But I'm still shaking. I'd only tell you this kinda stuff, God.

June 5th, 2019 There's only 6 of us right now in the unit right now until the others get back. Feels real quiet right about now. No one really wanted to talk. Least, not to me. I still got Woobin but he seems like something's real wrong. Shin's got the world under his feet, though, the way he's strutting everywhere. Kept trying to show me his rabbit pelt. Freak.

July 7th, 2019 That fucking knocking again. A slam. Piss off so I can sleep already.

July 19th, 2019 It's raining. Real hard. Had to go fix something and found Shin out there doing... something. Whatever it is, he didn't like that I caught him and fuck I don't know what to do. It can't have been something bad, right? I didn't really see. It was dark.

July 23rd, 2019 I'm gonna kill that piece of shit. What kinda asshole takes a picture of my mom and just. He's dead. Next week. Mark my words, God. I'm confessing ahead of time if something happens. I'm kicking his ass when he comes around.

July 29th, 2019 The fucker still lives. Unfortunately. Opened my eyes and saw him hovering over my bunk. I swear. I saw it. How long was he standing there? How many days? Shouldn't think too much of it...

August 2nd, 2019 I looked over and he was just sitting up in bed like that. Awake. I don't think he ever sleeps, come to think of it. Woobin said the same thing. I started to keep my knife with my under my pillow.

September 6th, 2019 We woke up and Shin was gone from his bed. Nothing from the usual. C.O. came in and told us the military officers came and got him. Said what happened stays with us. They're making Woobin testify but he won't tell me what happened. Guess I'll never really find out. Gotta keep an eye on the news maybe later. Feel like I need to take 8 showers though. Maybe 10. Hopefully there won't be too much to write about now.

September 30th, 2019 Holy shit. Just a little bit longer and I'll be outta here. Sgt. Park speaking. Cool, right? I should have something positive here after all that. Everything seems like it's okay again. I think. I guess I thought about it a little more... All sorta guys come through here and you never know who's gonna end up being totally insane. I left out some details but, God, I'm sure you saw what happened anyways.

October 15th, 2019 One more month! I get to lead new recruits today. I asked Woobin to help and he still almost passed out running with us. Guess some guys really don't get that fit here, haha. Here's hoping we can still be friends when we leave. He's outta here next week... Gonna miss him something awful.

November 10th, 2019 I'm free!!! Gonna stay with the family again for a bit until we get my place figured out. Don't really plan on going to school or anything, but dad helped me find a job at some restaurant. I gotta go to Gangnam for it since it's all ritzy but it pays well. I'm kinda excited. Really feels like I started over again... Also, went to the bar still in my fatigues ( yeah, I know, I was lazy ). Craziest thing, the people you meet again. Some guy in uniform, another in a sparkly jacket. Funny where we end up.

December 2nd, 2019 Saw the guys yesterday. We got super smashed and they said I climbed a tree. Wait. Why am I still writing? Nothing interesting is going on. Let's not make this a habit.

January 8th, 2020 Nevermind. Something kinda crazy happened. Went to Vampire Den for the open mic night again. Just to sing. I got that card again. This shiny one. I guess I must have been outta my mind and had it in me to go for an audition. It was worth a shot. I'm almost at the limit they accept trainees. Fuck what am I doing? Shit.

January 9th, 2020 The call came. I made it. They said I gotta move into the dorms now. At least I got a couple months to myself.

January 20th, 2020 Shit man. So many kids around... This kid ( had a real unique name ) I'm roommates with said that he's graduating high school soon. Crazy... I think I'm in way over my head if this is how things are gonna be, but fuck it, right? At least I can still keep my job. Guess I'll just start making some friends around here. There's plenty of guys my age. Yushin's even here, too. Well, anyway. I don't gotta keep writing in this right now so see you later.

July 24th, 2020 Hey guess who's gonna be in a band again? Well kinda. It's still a bunch of practicing. We'll see what happens but I'm feeling optimistic, I think.

April 21st, 2021 This just in for another episode of Shit Sucks... They pulled the band stuff. I guess there weren't gonna be enough resources for it. Dunno what to do now. Feels like everything's crumbling apart around me. I can just hide away in my room for the rest of the year, right? Just not sure what they're gonna do with me now. Gotta get better at dancing. I'll do it later.

May 23rd, 2021 Shit just keeps happening. I saw her with someone else. I don't want an explanation. I'm tired of this push and pull shit. Going here and there without saying much. She lit my heart on fire and put it out with her fucking shoe. I loved her. At least, I think I did. I guess that doesn't matter now. Nothing should have come from that day and why did I even bother going through with it. Over and over again. Wasted my own heart. Nothing matters anymore, does it? Fuck it all. I should go somewhere. Don't look now, God.

August 17th, 2021 I guess some okay things can happen. But these blind dates the guys keep trying to set me up on are a waste of time. Better to not put in effort like that. Anyway, dad's heart thing has gotten better, too. He wanted me to start picking up his new medicine after practice every day.

September 19th, 2021 It's hard to want to sing again. Or want to do much of anything again. Maybe I'll get better by next year.

September 25th, 2021 Met this girl. Well, already did. Sometimes, she'd be at the pharmacy when I picked things up. There's dimples in her cheeks when she smiles at me. I mentioned I was interested in producing music and she asked me for some pointers. We're meeting next week so I can help her, I guess. Worth a shot. Come to think of it, I think we went to the same high school.

October 18th, 2021 She's cute. Fuck, I'm so screwed. I remember now. I sneezed on her in the hallway once. She said it was two times, but I don't remember the first one. We already talked a lot. It's weird. Something dangerous about her. I'll watch my step...

October 31st, 2021 I feel drunk even though I'm not. She said she liked me and I wanted to run. I think I already like her, too. I just can't be what she needs right now. I shouldn't be writing this stuff down. I'll save it for songs. My own head. See you.

December 5th, 2021 She said there's a beauty in being impulsive. She is coy and bold. She wants to kiss my cheek because something compels her to. She yearns to see me. I can't forget anything she says. She speaks in poetry and laughs in music. I don't flinch when she reaches out to touch me. So.. What now...? I kissed her on the shores of some snowy Sokcho beach. When she says now that there's nothing innocent about the way I kiss her with that smirk of hers. When she said she's looking for someone to break her heart because she's just being realistic. Not to feel burdened because I make her happy. She'll be patient for me. I think I might be going a little crazy. Emotionally, spiritually. She makes me want to sing again.

December 1st, 2022 Aside from one good thing, this year was kind of a bust. Hoping for a better one next year. Fuck, I'm getting old. Did they forget about me?

March 20th, 2023 Finally got a project! With actual songs. Not sure what it's gonna entail but ... here goes nothing, as usual. :)

March 30th, 2023 And when it comes to spring, I learned that it's made of heartbreak and not love.

August 12th, 2023 Fuck, what am I doing with my life? It's so close I can taste it but I can't help but feel like there's so much missing.

October 30th, 2023 What am I doing? Part two. Everything is all jumbled up. There's nowhere to put that anger brewing in my head. I almost messed up my hand because of it and ruined everything for myself. Might start writing some songs again...

December 1st, 2023 The first birthday I really felt like I deserved. I guess I made it this far, huh? And there are people who care about me, love me. It's still really overwhelming to think about, but looking back, this is what I always needed. And I should have been more grateful for what I have around me in the form of other people.

January 1st, 2024 I think it's gonna be a great year. Love is real.

January 14th, 2024 Oh. Fuck.

[theanomily]

Regarding the H.I.V.E. birthday bundle, specifically my less-than-satisfactory contribution to it:

(Under a cut because I estimate this to be about 1000 words).

The shortest way I can say this is "sorry."

In a longer form, I acquknowledge that Wing is a beloved, respected character of the H.I.V.E. series, becoming a favourite of many, and ranking highly in the minds of everyone else. If anyone deserved better treatment in this event, it was undoubtedly him, not to mention the real-life disappointed H.I.V.E. fandom.

I also acquknowledge that this was probably the largest communal event since the release of Bloodline three years ago and that the date on which it was announced was long enough ago to counter any explanation I could possibly give, especially since I, as a minor, have more time to commit to any one project than an adult burdened with full-time employment and more significant responsibilities than I. Yet I shall offer one regardless and leave the perception of my character at the mercy of your own individual judgements. It is as follows:

Some of you might remember me directing a post to an "anon" threatening me in January, which I have since deleted. This is actually not a recent or isolated issue- not even for my blog, although I doubt that anybody remembers her posting so-called "edgy" stuff on it back in like 2019. But if you do, fun fact: it was the same person. This person used to be my friend, then a "girlfriend" and is now something of an enemy. As well as threats, there has been blackmail and cases of physical violence committed against both me and my other friends. The reason I bring this up is because she followed me to the store I worked at sometime mid Feburary and provoked me there too. I was stupid, I shouted at her, and I was rightfully fired as a result. And the reason I mention this at all is because it has been hell finding a new job, eating up the time I had specifically set aside for this project.

Then, the entirety of March I more or less dedicated to finally reading bloodline (I read it twice more after my initial "live react" posts so I could actually get the juice out of it).

On the 23rd of March, my cat died, and to be brutally honest, I spent the entirety of April not doing anything that wasn't complete brainrot (hence the surge in my blog activity 💀).

May brought with it UCAS exams (UCAS points being what you need in the UK to get into university).

June brought the results, one of which was a C in physics, a grade that my school, family, and peers viewed as an unforgivable failure. As such, I had devices as well as other "distractions," including my books, taken away until the end of July so I could focus on resitting everything. Additionally, I was forced to go to school two hours early for extra lessons, given hour long detentions until the end of the academic year and had to have random meetings during my breaks to really rub in how stupid I am (no exaggerations are being made here; my head of year managed to drag calling me the r slur into a forty minute rant on one occassion).

Then, in August, my uncle got into a car accident and requested that myself and my parents fly over into Zimbabwe to help him. Fair enough, but in the time it had taken us to get over there, the man had gone off-grid (as he has a habit of doing) and we still have no clue of his whereabouts.

I promise I will make amends, and the only path I can see heading towards this objective is completing and redoing what you have seen for this project alongside a few other elements I had planned to incorporate into it. To be more specific, I will:

- Finish the birthday bundle.

I'm sure you've noticed that the "playlist" and "prompts for you" categories are missing from my offering. This will be rectified, and I will add these to the original birthday bundle post so it can be completed. I had elected to avoid those categories as I figured that having a few tasks done to a "rushed and painfully mediocre" standard would be better than having a small amount of awful content for each element of the bundle. The reasons why those two categories were chosen to be neglected were that a) no music I know at all aligns with Wing and b) I had not noted that the "prompts for you" was an existing section and only remembered when reading through the example Otto post, meaning I had not left myself enough time to sit with and revisit ideas to see if they really were any good. Additionally, that fanfic is nowhere near finished. I do plan to edit the published chapter and then continue it, and I shall try my best to stick to frequent, regular updates of a higher quality and quantity than I have presented you with thus far.

- Improve what I have given you

I plan to drastically improve my digital art for each "mini" picture that's in my work- you can see that there's a very, very good reason why I kept them all mini. When I'm done, they will be transformed into something that can at least be posted at their full size without risking the health of your eyes.

- Add to what I've given you

I know I've done very few headcanons, so I'll be sure to focus on Wing for future ones that I'll publish on my blog. In all likelihood, the next post of mine will be a much longer list of Wing headcanons. And even if it is not next, it will still hopefully be in the near future.

My initial plan for the "Wing art" was to make a rudimentary physical model of him. I can't promise it'll be of high quality since the last time I did this, I was four years younger, working with better materials, working without keeping it a secret, and crafting the fox emoji rather than an entire person. I also can't see how the colour green, which is what I was assigned, will fit in. But I'll do it anyway.

Something that I played with a bit while waiting for the prompts to be given out was character art. Currently, I have WIPs for Shelby and Laura and have posted a Ms Leon. I want to do something for every character, and Wing will most certainly be included in that, so I promise I'll take extra care to do him justice when I get around to him. Consider it to be like a non-picrew alternative to the cover image.

I also have a physical drawing in the works, though I confess this too shall probably take a while in the interest of refining skills before applying them so I don't waste the one piece of sketch paper I bought.

Once more, I am so extremely sorry for what I have done, and I will ensure that never again shall this height of inadequacy be reached and inflicted onto people who deserve so much better.

Thank you for reading

[helenofblackthorns]

(this got way too long i'm sorry lol) don't even get me started on the timeline there's so much that doesn't make sense!! i've tried to map it out because i am insane but i am definitely putting more thought into this than cc herself. like, in the days past 1900 chapter cordelia mentions that she's 13, when it's literally impossible for her to be 13 that year ????

and lowkey i am just very excited to see someone else mention the mess that it is the timeline because i've been thinking about when alastair and thomas must have gone on their travel year (and also during that travel year when thomas must have gone to paris because they wouldn't just give him a holiday immediately right, like it must have been december 1902 they met, yes i am overthinking this) for years lol

my best guess is that charles arranged to marry ariadne in early 1901 but it wasn't officially announced?? it was just an arrangement/promise and then he went to paris and met alastair later that year (though i think they'd already met yikes) and they dated sometime in 1901 (where alastair would have been 16-17 /yikes/), for any of this to work i think we just have to accept that shadowhunters can go on their year abroad before they turn 18, or maybe alastair wanted to get out of the house :( and then maybe charles told alastair of the engagement a little bit into their relationship?? don't even get me started on thomas' travel year, we know it lasted 9 months, was from 1902 to 1903 and he had come back fairly recently in august (and tbh i'm gonna stretch that definition of recent and just say the thieves are all being dramatic when they're still toasting him coming back at the beginning of chog). but he also took two weeks holiday in 1902 and saw alastair (who i have to assume was secretly visiting charles since if he was still on his travel year, he could have just said that instead of being cryptic and hilarious lol) anyways in conclusion the timeline is a mess

i thought cordelia's birthday must be really late in the year but i did not realise this means it would be impossible for her to have her parabatai ceremony lol, okay i can't work out that one unless everyone's straight up lying or don't know their own birthdays

anyways i clearly think about this way too much, sorry for rambling in your inbox, you did not ask for this lmao i have just had many thoughts about timelines from like two years ago that all bubbled up to the surface when i saw your post

okay I am finally answering this, I am so so sorry about the wait </3

honestly when it comes to timelines, I think cc just kinda says things vaguely enough that it makes sense as long as you don't think about it too hard lmao. Also I did not know Cordelia said she was 13 in 1900... In order for that to be possible she'd have to be born in either 1886 or 1887. I wonder if cc just forgot she had said Cordelia was born in 1885? that seems like the only viable option here 😭

Paris 1902 is so bad because a lot of the things that contradict it are in the same book 💀 like with other stuff at the very least you can give cc the benefit of the doubt that she forgot between writing short stories and whatnot. but the same book!! insanity!!

I don't think there's any way to twist it in order for it to make sense? like something has to be wrong. best I've got is Thomas turned 18 in Jan, went on travel year for roughly 8 months meaning he gets back to London right before the start of ChoG in August. He met Alastair in Paris in like, March or April 1903 when he was finishing up his travel year and Alastair was being cryptic just because. Charles and Alastair met in Sept. 1902 when Alastair went on his travel year to Paris; Charles and Ari are already engaged by this point (technically) and every other conflicting detail gets throw out the nearest window lmao. for me at least, shadowhunters going on their travel year before turning 18 defeats the purpose, which is to go on patrol and fight demons in a different country. and if they were able to at 17, I think there's several characters who would be currently on their travel year, like James and Matthew, and who obviously aren't.

The parabatai ceremony thing is annoying because cc actual reconned it :) in the codex it says you have be in childhood to become parabatai, and this is supported by Jem in clockwork prince. however, in tfsa, Simon is still able to become parabatai with Clary despite already turning 18, so now shadowhunters are considered children up until 19 but this only applies to the parabatai ceremony because in every other aspect of life they become adults at 18. this makes sense (not). personally i am of the option that Cordelia turning 18 and being unable to become parabatai with Lucie would have been more interesting, and added some stakes that chot desperately needed. plus it would be funny if they still became parabatai in the end because Will and Jem pulled some strings (the benefits of nepotism 😌)

the timeline of tlh is one of my great enemies at this point and I've held my tongue about it for far too long, so don't feel bad about rambling! (even if it takes me 3 months to reply 🫣)

[golbrocklovely]

idk if you’ve seen but kong pham just uploaded a podcast with snc

it was filmed months ago though i’m pretty sure because it seems like it was before colby did chemo?

anyway around 37 minutes in colby talks about how he had a break down and just cried about everything last year and it shocked me i can’t lie… i hope it made him feel better though

yeah it was filmed back in april right before colby went thru chemo. i was a bit confused as to why sam never mentioned kat and him breaking up, and now it makes sense since they didn't announce they broke up until may (even tho they had broken up back in march) lol

and yes, it was really shocking to hear about colby breaking down, but also at the same time…. it makes total sense. a lot of us on here have been saying for a long time that last year was a really rough time for colby. the later half of the year was just a shit storm for so many reasons towards him, he himself even said he wasn't feeling his best at the time, and it makes so much sense that he would have had a break down finally after years of holding everything in.

i might be making a controversial opinion here, but everyone hear me out before you jump down my throat: while snc both get hate for extremely dumb things, colby is the one that takes it the hardest, and also gets it the worse. sam, at the very least, seems like he doesn't let it bother him. i think bc so many ppl give him love and support, he's able to push the negativity away. but colby, whether he'll ever admit to it or not, can't do that - even with all the love he gets. he doesn't let things go as much as sam does.

and it makes total sense to me. colby wants everyone to like him. and i get that. i was the same way for a very long time. it's hard when someone starts to hate you for whatever reason. you want to prove them wrong, and you'll do anything to be in their good graces again, only to realize… did you ever even care that much in the first place. opinions affect colby on a deeper level bc he wants to be seen as a good person. and he is. but when you have other ppl shitting on you, for example, for tweeting out about international women's day or that your facial hair is ugly or literally judging you for every girl you put yourself near, and it's CONSTANT…. you're eventually gonna snap. tbh, i'm surprised colby hasn't completely removed himself from twitter and insta altogether just bc of the hate those sites have given him for the past couple years.

2020-21 were the worst times to be a fan, so i can ONLY IMAGINE how terrible it was for colby, who was getting the brute force of it. i remember the disgusting death threat he got. he left twitter for like over a week, and then never returned to that site the same. that's why the balcony tweets stopped. and then when he lost his journal, one of the only ways he's ever been able to express himself deeply, ppl cheered about it in the replies. and some of those ppl were fans of ppl he was friends with.

sam gets hate, sure. i won't deny that ever. but colby… it is truly unlike anything i've ever seen in all my years of being online. and i swear the ppl that send him mean shit, it's like they know it hurts him and revel in it. he gets called out for every fuck up, even if sam has done the same, bc ppl know he'll actually feel guilty and apologize for it. they want to see him break, i truly believe that.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Ritchie Herron

Published: May 23, 2024

Today is a day I can't really ignore, because whether I want to mark it or not, my body reminds me regardless.

Six years ago, conflicted, but optimistic, i thought I was doing the right thing getting 'Sex Reassignment surgery'.

A Long Story 🧵

I transitioned as an adult, I was 26. Me and my fully developed big brain thought this would be a good idea.

I had severe OCD and a myriad of mental health problems. I mean even then I be head tiltin'...This was me at age 25, pure giga chad

Soon as i found out transition was an option, I went in full force, like a bat out of hell!

I had become obsessed with the idea that my body was being poisoned by testosterone, that every masculine trait needed to be annihilated, for i was a true and honest woman after all. 

As a child, I was soft, loving, quite literal and I loved to sing, dance and dress up, but i also loved my diggers!

Me at age 10 before I went to sing karaoke with my friends family. You cant see it but my friends shoulder is on the right, he was a year younger too! I was tiny!

When I came out to my family, in isolation they all asked the same question when I told them I had something to tell them: "You're gay, aren't you?"

"No! I'm a real transsexual!" I said. Convinced I was the truest of the true. Genuinely born in the wrong body and all that noise. 

It was 2013 and I had found a supportive online community that helped me get on the right path to transition.

Facing a 15 month wait for the gender clinic. I found out I could start the blocker (And stop the 'poison'!) if i had two private diagnosis of transsexualism. 

So off I fucked to Scotland for a private diagnosis, as i waited to be enrolled for the gender clinic.

I was on a low income so I did the only thing i could, and got a payday loan. "Fuck debt, its this or death!" I reasoned.

Two days later I got the full diagnosis for £500. 

It took until April 2014 for the Gender Clinic to agree to give me the Goserelin Zoladex implant (testosterone blocker).

When I got it, I was so happy the poison was about to stop. At first, I looked a right state. I did the opposite of blend in. 

By January 2015, I was finally enrolled into the gender clinic and after a while, the blockers were showing some effect. Though, I wasn't committing to it at all.

I found myself desisting from the idea of estrogen/transition all together and just thought I'd live as just some androgynous looking guy.

It all changed when i went to the gender clinic. The very first question I got asked by the psychiatrist was: "have you given any thought to gender reassignment surgery?"

I said honestly, I wasn't sure, I dont think i ever had that type of dysphoria, besides i really want to see the therapist. 

They agreed to refer me to a gender therapist in March 2015. In total I would end up have 97 gender therapy sessions with them.

Gender therapy is not like normal therapy. It helped defeat my doubt, and also helped me defeat others who were doubtful. 

In July 2015, the Psychiatrist asked if i had given any further thought to the surgery.

I said I wasn't sure, and i'd like to find out more. Thats when i realised NONE of them had any technical knowledge about the surgery, what it does, etc. It suprised me. 

I got refered back to the place in Scotland, since I already went there for the pre-diagnosis.

I took my mother, she wasnt convinced.

The therapist told her, infront of her grown ass 28 year old son, if she didnt affirm, he'd kms. 

She told me the surgery would make myself feel better, and that regret was extremely low (I was worried about regretted it) and bleeding.

I have a huge fear of bleeding, I'm a wuss! yes... 

Once the surgery referal came through in late 2015, i panicked! Too quick i said!

"It'll be there for when your ready." The psychatrist said.

But all I really wanted was therapy. 

I said no several more times, I forgot exactly how many times they asked, but it was constant.

By 2016 early 2017, life was still chaos, but blending in felt easier, I wasn't getting noticed really and most people gendered me as a woman.

I was happy enough as I was, but back at the gender clinic in 2017 I was delivered an ultimatum. Accept surgery referral or get discharged.

That would also mean an end to the therapy, and it was keeping me stable.

I bit the bullet and said no once more. 

My gender therapist, also somewhat co-dependant on me as a client for now 60 odd sessions, didnt want to let me go either. He reasoned that i did have dysphoria and surgery was probably the best option.

So i called the psychiatrist back and asked to be refered back for surgery. 

I've went over it in my head 1000's of times.

Why did I go along with it? Why didn't just stop it?

It just felt like a ride i couldnt get off, and it got faster and faster.

Everyone was routing for me. 

Day of surgery, may 23rd 2018.

After staying an extra 3 hours in theatre, i finally woke up around this time. 4:00pm ish.

I was still bleeding and had lost nearly 2000ml from the surgery and drains.

A friend helped snap this.

I apologise for the haram photo, but this is what the area looked like a few weeks after.

I had Lichen Scoloris, which was ignored and is now inside the hole and around the entrance. I had a constricted urethra and both my scar lines on both sides split open, which would get infected.

I won't share anymore, but i have a lot of photos that are far more grim.

It's what happened I really can't show you.

The depression, the pain, the insane pain oh my god. Not being able to pee, to feel anything.

Feeling betrayed 

SO I GO BACK TO MY GENDER THERAPIST THREE MONTHS LATER....and i say "Hey, I think i made a mistake, i think i regret this."

"No you dont." He said.

I went back every other week and told him, i regret it. He said no. 

One year of this back and forth. I was refered to a psychiatric team, that said i didnt have regret, I had Unstable Personality Disorder and severe Obsessive compulsive Disorder.

And then I was discharged in January 2020.

It was the worst time in my life, those years. I was very angry at myself, and everyone I talked to reassured me that I didnt have regret and if i did, it was my fault anyway.

But I resisted...And in 2022 I spoke out after desisting 

I'm 37 as of Saturday... and I'm facing life ahead of me as a castrated male. It's not easy territory, but if i want one thing to come out of this, it's to give others a chance, a warning about surgery.

But i wont stop anyone. Just don't try and stop me.

If you would like to support my work, please consider liking/retweeting. I do it for free but will happily accept tips for sausage rolls.

Also consider checking out my substack where i write a lot of shit and youtube where i talk even more shit t.co/tQSunLfhVk tullipr.substack.com

I really needed to get that off my chest so thanks for reading. It's appreciated

[claudiajcregg]

s5pAU (a folder with many “Chapter XX” inside) for the WIP ask meme?

Welp, I forgot I hadn't answered these! Apologies! (These are from this WIP ask meme.)

s5pAU is my short way of referring to “S5 Pregnancy AU,” and it's… what it says on the tin! Sort of. Basically, the entire ridiculous concept is “what if CJ got pregnant at the end of S4?” (Around Zoey's kidnapping, in this case.) It's 11 chapters so far, with only a bit of 12 written… And it was my main WIP for the better part of 2023, even if I took months here and there.

(I had written a lot of unneccesary backstory that I've tried my best to summarize into the important parts. It's still long, sorry. It's just been the WIP, for most of 2023. It's sitting at over 76k words already!)

I have a note on my phone with a list of most ideas I kept having while rewatching the show last year. This one was part of it, and it jumped at me for how ridiculous it is. I recall having a mental image of a scene that was too OOC, but could work, around late February? Early March? It's definitely not a realistic idea, but there was something about some of her moments in S5 that I felt would be interesting (and not that different) to explore under new circumstances.

Before I started writing it properly in June, I did a few outlines (two detailed ones, in March and April), with the idea of having 1-2 chapters per semester, maybe some interludes here and there. I also started a playlist with ✨ vibes ✨, but though I thought a lot about it… I wasn't really writing it. Until I just needed to get so much stuff out of my head.

If I had to say, I think it is following the outline, but also not… Because I am being far more detailed than I intended to be, the show's actual timeline is a mess (not that the one I tried to create is better, but at least I know what month it is), and some story beats happened differently, hopefully still organically.

Anyway. This is boring. It still doesn't have a proper title, not that I'd change the folder's name (not really); it's not done (haven't written anything new since November, and it goes for everything); I could see this becoming some sort of series/universe by the nature of it.

Snippet! The part I always feel most self-conscious about. (Can't remember if this is the snippet I posted on the server, forever ago.)

“What’s up, Daniel? I was about to… Can’t it wait?” “It could,” he conceded with a dejected expression. One that told her this was hard to broach. “I didn’t even notice the time.” C.J. didn’t move, awaiting whatever it was that he was going to say. “And well?” She moved a stray strand of hair from her eyes. She couldn’t wait until her hair finally grew out, that was for sure. “You planning to stand there all night?” “I have to go, C.J. I have to go back to my post.” Whatever retort she had thought up for the first part died on her lips when she heard the second part. Her heart sank, and she chided herself. The second she had believed this day to be ordinary had been her first mistake: once you perceived anything as ordinary, you should know the universe would make it so it was anything but.

[musicfeedsmysoul12]

Hi! I’m new. Like, yesterday new. Feel free to ignore this, but I can’t help but notice the bitterness for Bakugo. Can you explain why this is? I think he has a lot of poorly executed potential as a character.

Bakugou to me is in fact that, but I find that his entire execution is just flat for me. His redemption arc just falls so far down and doesn't work. A real redemption arc has a character learning they were wrong and making up for it. Actions have consequences and people will be wary if the character was bad enough. An example is Zuko: he had to WORK for the forgiveness of the Gaang, and he needed to learn he was wrong.

Bakugou doesn't do that. He apologizes and all is forgiven: then he goes right back to his usual antics, having learned nothing. He is still rude, aggressive and cruel. Sure, 'sorry' was said.

But did he mean it?

I don't think so. then again it's a cartoon character.

But a lot of my anger is the fact that his actions are never properly addressed by the fans or the narrative. Can you honestly admit you would be willing to be friends with the guy who called you names for over a decade, would use his Quirk on you which is explosions (which is canon. No, it wasn't just verbal, but verbal is just as bad), and told you to kill yourself? All of this occurring a bare year ago? (Yes, Izuku is 14 when canon starts, and 16 later but given that the Japanese school year STARTS in March-April, it really wasn't that long ago. Even then, trauma is trauma.) Bakugou is constantly babied by the narrative and people constantly come up with excuses for his behaviour. No one goes: Hey, so that's fucked and not okay. It's always: well his mom hits him, so he should be forgiven. He got attacked by the sludge villain, he got kidnapped-

On and on, people do not like to admit Bakugou is NOT a good person.

Bakugou could have been an amazing character who starts off as a big fish in a small pond, only to be just another fish in UA. He could have been a character that grew and developed. Who could have realized that he needed to be better. We get told about how those with Flashy Quirks get to do whatever they want, and then are told Aizawa doesn't agree. I would have loved to watch Bakugou be forced to actually grow up.

But he never does.