#this was where i realized i have no idea how to draw cole

[bordysbae]

can you do 8. “are they fighting again?” “worse, they’re kissing” with Alex Turcotte?

“round what?”

alex turcotte x reader

warning: cursing, slight mention of underage drinking

you and alex never end on good terms. you’ve never actually dated, but everyone knows you guys are only interested in each other. but somehow the both of you managed to mess up the two other previous attempts at being a thing. alex being the first one to mess up used the excuse of ‘well we aren’t dating,’ and you used the same one on him two months later.

you met through a friend group, and the group has been awkward ever since you and alex ended, again, nearly a month ago. if the group decides to hang out, they always do it when either you or alex cant come. there has been a few times where you and alex are there at the same time, but you avoid speaking cause it just causes problems. as you’ve learned from past experiences.

“alex can you stop glaring at me when i talk to jack? jesus, i’m not allowed to talk to my friend?” you scofffed in the beecher-family kitchen.

“i just don’t appreciate seeing my ex all over my best fucking friend,” he shrugged.

“your ex? we never even dated alex! you’re so self absorbed it’s crazy honestly,” you angrily chuckled.

“we basically dated, you can’t tell me we were nothing,” the dark haired boy stated before he sipped the water from his glass.

“you’re joking right? you literally used the excuse ‘we’re not even dating,’ alex! this is so stupid, i was literally just talking to jack. you’re so fucking insecure, i cant deal,” you rolled your eyes as you exited the kitchen.

but now you’re sat at the group event with a raspberry white claw in your hand. being in the same room as alex is going fine, until someone gets the bright idea to play truth or dare. “turcs, truth or dare?” trevor asks with a devilish smile on his face.

“dare, i’m not a wuss,” he cockily shrugs before taking a sip of his beer. a few ‘ooh’s can be heard, making alex’s massive ego inflate ever larger.

“good answer! i dare you to play seven minutes in heaven with y/n,” he smirks, making both you and alex’s eyes go wide.

“what?! hell no man! no offense y/n,” alex says, turning to face you during the last part of his sentence.

“none taken,” you mumble making jack push his shoulder into yours.

“alex, i thought you said you weren’t a wuss? you know if you skip the question you have to shoot fireball, right?” cole chimes in, making alex groan. he rises from his spot on the L shaped couch in the hughes’ family basement, and he gives you an ‘im sorry’ look as you stand up as well. trevor sets his timer as he locks you both in the closet.

you sit on the floor by the coats, and alex sits against the wall in front of you. your legs are stretched out by his waist, his doing the same. you can’t help but notice the small hole forming in his gray socks as you avoid eye contact with the boy. “i’m sorry,” he blurts out, drawing your attention from his socks to his face.

“for what?”

“everything, y/n. i’ve always been such a dick to you, even when we were talking. but god do i miss you,” he admits as an adrenaline high begins to form from the nerves.

“you do?” you hesitantly question.

“of course i do. do you even realize how much i liked you? hell y/n, i still do. i hated myself for hooking up with that girl at the party, and instead of admitting my wrongs i used some dumb excuse. and then i changed myself for you, but when we started talking the second time you hooked up with that guy. which really hurt. i know it shouldn’t have, but that’s when i truly realized how much i had hurt you when i was the one did it. so yeah, i miss you. a lot,” alex rambles.

your face heats up, and you scoot across the closet closer to him. you readjust yourself so that you’re sat next to him, and turn to look up at him slightly. he then leans in, and you connect your lips to his. you guys continue kissing for a moment, until trevor unlocks the door and gasps. he snickers before closing the door and heading back to the group in the other room.

“i’m so done with them!” trevor groans as he sits back down on the couch.

“are they fighting again?” cole asks.

“worse, they’re kissing!” trevor chuckles, making everyone’s eyes widen and a few laughs escape.

“this round what, like.. seven?” johnny teases.

“it’s round three, but hey third times a charm!” jack shrugs, just as you and alex walk back into the room.

[thedragonagelesbian]

Hey…can you talk more about Cyrus not being able to die? How does that happen? When does the realization happen? How does that affect his views on his body and death?

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii yes i can always say more about the headcanon plot armor/corporeal angst i made up for the specialist boy in thedas

cyrus not being able to die is an outgrowth of the innate healing he develops over the course of da2, which is the result of (a) longterm overexposure to anders' healing magic, such that it just kind of never goes away and lingers inside of him and (b) metaphysical kirkwall's possessiveness of him as its champion and unwillingness to see him fall. i often conceptualize it like how cole describes templars' ability to block magic: their bodies always want to connect to... something older. Bigger than they are. That's why they block magic. They reach for that other thing, and magic has no room to come in. cyrus' constant harm -> heal -> harm cycle creates more gaps in his body, but what he's connecting to instead isn't the titans but kirkwall itself.

subsequently, the innate healing (and the resistance to other forms of healing) begins to develop with the arishok fight: cyrus very nearly dies, and as he's bleeding out onto the floor of the keep, the twisted and lingering ancient tevinter magic at kirkwall's core accepts this as sacrifice and in exchange gives him the strength to finish the duel... at the cost of his body no longer being his own.

it's not something cyrus discovers until post-game, though. there's simply. too fucking much going on already. with the reaverisms and the heavy armor and the constant fight-or-fight instinct and the classic minimization/denial, it's just very hard to tell when or how badly cyrus is hurt, especially with his body healing minor injuries near instantaneously.

i'm not totally committed to the timeline of when cyrus realizes it, but the idea i've tossed around the most is that it happens after he, varric, and merrill have relocated to val royeaux, during the chevalier academy graduation ceremony of. slaughtering city elves. cyrus is in the val royeaux alieange trying to protect folks--no weapons or armor just his body--he isnt fast enough, a chevalier strikes him down......... and then he gets back up again.

and ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm it sure Does Not Help. cyrus is already so alienated from his body, already has episodes where it does not feel like it's real or his, already has periods where he can't tell where he begins and ends, and realizing this intensifies all of those feelings. he doesn't/can't fight much in the time between da2 and inq without drawing undue attention (which doesn't help the listlessness & depression of those years either), but when he does, he's even more reckless with himself, much to varric's chagrin. there's also a general loss of sensitivity to both pain and pleasure, which means cyrus becomes very prone to accidentally hurting himself...... and, on the absolute worst days, intentionally hurting himself just to try to feel something.

over the three years between da2 & inq, it's something cyrus learns to be more at peace with/careful about, seeking out less harmful forms of physical stimulation if not for his own sake then certainly for varric's. at the same time, it's also something he never expected could be or necessarily wanted to have fixed? because that would mean even more magic, even more tampering, even more alienation from his body. he lets merrill investigate it to a certain extent, but he prefers to try to live with it. some days, that feels like an agential choice he gets to make. some days, it feels like something fate forced upon him. but he keeps going anyway (and praying to the creators helps a lot too!)

it's also part of why his recovery from the fade takes so long-- breaking kirkwall's hold on him once and for all breaks this magic too, restoring him to mortality & fragility but also softness & vulnerability & gentleness.

[fl3sh34t3r]

[OOC]: Sorry I haven't been sending RP starters but I got an idea

Hear me out: Cole and Enidan in a queerplatonic relationship where they occasionally jokingly flirt (said "flirts" are them just throwing playful murderous/cannibalistic innuendos at each other)

☆ @ahandfulofm0ss

(Ooc : that's okay !! :33

also,,,yeah i do see it,,,

[unironically while making this drawing i did end up realizing how some like flirty comments can literally be a threat made by a cannibal- like "i wanna eat u up",,,imagine one of these mfs saying something like that to someone as a threat and the person takes it as a flirt,,,like dang, that'd be awkward]

i also feel like they would insult each other but in like the besties kind of way, y'know? c:

i did kind of go out of character on both btw- [oN THE WAY THEY TALK- i don't think cole would specifically talk that way and enidan doesn't really talk this way either lol, but i feel like they would say something similar, just in their own words- :3] i did that for the funni,,,cuz why not :D

also, extra drawing !!

i luove evil queer people, they so cool,,,!!

silly !! :3 [they all committed severe crimes]

also SKSNDBF, i been in a small art block, and,,,this did end up kind of motivating me to draw so yipee !! there's another ask from someone else i have to respond here which, btw, I WILL RESPOND TO UR ASK SOON !! I JUST NEED TO MAKE THE LIKE DRAWING RESPONSE THINGY- SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG TO RESPOND TO UR ASK BTW !! IDK IF YOU'LL SEE THIS BUT IF U DO, SORRY :((

if the person who sent that ask with the little goofy drawing sees this, u know who u are !! and btw i do love the drawing u made :D very goofy !!)

[revlischarm]

Guys help my brain has decided to suck and I’ve been over analyzing my designs for Morro and I lowkey hate them

Uhhhh art rant under the cut because I don’t really have anyone else to talk to about this so I guess I’m just speaking into the void and asking it for advice and no, I’m not doing this because I want notes or attention or whatever I’m genuinely agonizing over these designs.

The bandages feel almost out of place? Maybe they’re too bright? I like the rope in Morro’s first design, it feels like a good nod to his canon outfit, but the color I picked for the pants has been nagging me, as has the shoes. Where would Morro even get those ninja shoes. He’s barefoot in the show and I can’t imagine they’re easy to come by normally. Maybe boots? Those are easier to obtain and would fit Morro’s style—though I’m not sure how practical they are for everyday wear. Too clunky? I’m not sure.

The scar I feel should be brighter or more noticeable? It’s hard to make out with the colors and style of LMK—maybe darker instead?? Or fucking green? Like Cole’s scar from the Rift?????

I could replace the bandages with gloves maybe or just make them less…well less lines. Wider strips, too.

Uhhhh as for the Season 3 outfit I. Hate the scarf. And when I say hate I mean it’s so fucking hard for me to draw it every single time and I’m not sure how well it actually goes with the outfit?? I know in the show the color choices and outfits and everything have these subtle meanings and such to them but I wasn’t really sure how to incorporate that with Morro so I just went brrrrrr pretty colors. The combination of red and teal is one of my favorite pairings. You have no idea how much I lamented over trying to give Morro some red eyeliner too before giving up because it was too hard to add in style-wise.

The shoes I like, the choice of sandals feels like a good one because they were doing a lot of desert stuff for a while and idk it gives him more of a summery vibe. Overall I like the pants and shoes. It’s. It’s definitely just the scarf I’m taking issue with I realize, but I have no idea what else I could add to his shoulders. I want him to have something that flows maybe? Idk I just wanted to cover his neck I guess or give him some extra thing for the outfit. Plus he sorta matches Macaque a little bit. And the color was to pair with the red on the pants, since it felt out of place just having that one splash of red.

Idk like I said I just feel unsure about the whole design and if I’m going to be drawing more edits and art for the au I want to have a design I’m actually happy with please help

[kudosmyhero]

Legends of the Dark Knight (vol. 1) #139: Terror, part 3: Greatest Fear

Read Date: January 24, 2023 Cover Date: March 2001 ● Writer: Doug Moench ● Penciler: Paul Gulacy ● Inker: Jimmy Palmiotti ● Colorist: James Sinclair ● Letterer: Kurt Hathaway ● Editor: Andrew Hefler ◦ Harvey Richards ●

**HERE BE SPOILERS: Skip ahead to the fan art/podcast to avoid spoilers

Reactions As I Read: ● Hugo Strange under the influence of Scarecrow's fear gas. I don't think I've yet seen him so vulnerable… ● Scarecrow asks the panic Strange what his greatest fear is; Strange doesn't give a straight answer--merely continues running through the house… ● …and falls down into a hole, where he is skewered on a weathervane that Scarecrow has placed there o_o ● 3 nights later, at Selina's place with her kitties ● (I'm not a huge fan of her costume having a tail. I prefer her whip serving as a tail-like addition) ● she goes to a warehouse where she expects to find jade cats, but instead she finds a skull in the crate ● fear toxin goes off in her face ● (really unforunate how the artist draws her figure) ● (she looks amazing here, though!)

● she's just woken up to Scarecrow taking her picture ● Scarecrow demands a service, else he'll release her photos to the police and the press ● Selina has little choice but to agree ● 2 nights later, Gordon is surprised to see the Bat Signal shining ● he and Batman arrive at about the same time. Gordon informs him that he was not the one who activated the signal. ● Catwoman reveals herself then ● (seriously, her suit would have to have huge, separately sewn pockets for her knockers to fit into because that is not how boobs look in clothing) ● she tries to convince Batman and Gordon to just let her operate, but when that doesn't work, she leaps off the rooftop with Batman close behind ● Batman dives face-first into a pile of garbage when she moves out of the way (heheh)

● HAHA, ok, that's straight out of Looney Tunes, with the trashcan lid ● (the art in this issues is really good, but the painted-on clothes with everyone is quite distracting) ● heheh, Batman's getting pissed and I'm here for it ● he goes after her, preparing to no longer hold back, when he realizes she's led him to Crime Alley ● the actual fuck? I know this artist can do better than this. Feels like a rushed panel.

● Batman suspects a trap, though only Hugo Strange knows of the alley's significance. Someone is strung up by his heels at the end of the alley ● a hand-scythe comes out… ● feck, the hanging man's throat is cut. or maybe he was fully decapitated? it's hard to tell ● Batman figures that Strange, Scarecrow, and Catwoman are all working together. ● oh, it wasn't a hand-scythe but a full scythe. not that it matters. but I try to correct my info ^^ ● (not that anyone actually reads these. if you do--hello!) ● at least Scarecrow's clothes aren't painted on… ● Batman just keeps getting kicked in the face tonight ● I wouldn't have expected Scarecrow to hold his own so well against Batman in a physical fight… ● ah, and it was a full decapitation! (see? accurate details matter) ● apparently the years Crane was in Arkham, he honed his martial art skills. good on you, Crane! your progress shows ^^ ● Catwoman comes to Batman's aid ● Scarecrow says to forget the photos--she's just been added to his bully list as he runs off ● Catwoman apologizes to Batman for leading him there, and says she had no idea Scarecrow was going to kill that guy ● …but then when Batman turns his back, she knocks him out with the handle of the broken scythe ● 👏👏👏👏

Synopsis: Terrified by Scarecrow and his fear toxin, Hugo Strange leaves his bed and runs through the house of Sebastian Cole. Strange does not recognize the hole which Scarecrow has cut into the wooden floor and, thus, he falls right onto a spike from a weathervane. Strange looks to be mortally wounded and does not move anymore. Now, Scarecrow wants to make his move against Batman whom he calls the big bully. The first step of his plan is to kidnap Catwoman which he actually achieves. Scarecrow unmasks and takes pictures of her face so that he is able to blackmail the female thief.

Two nights later, Captain Gordon goes onto the roof of GCPD Headquarters because somebody has activated the Bat-Signal. He is surprised to find Catwoman responsible, but as intended by her Batman arrives as well. She talks about reaching an agreement and bribing them which of course is no option for either Gordon or Batman. Quickly Catwoman tries to escape and as planned she is being followed by Batman. Interestingly, the hunt leads them into the alley where Thomas and Martha Wayne were shot. A man unknown to Batman hangs in the alley headfirst and then gets beheaded by Scarecrow using a scythe. Then Crane attacks Batman and he actually is able to best him. But then Catwoman interferes in Batman's favor, so Scarecrow flees screaming about how he will use the photos he took from Catwoman. She apologizes to Batman for luring him into this trap, but when he turns his back she strikes him down …

(https://dc.fandom.com/wiki/Batman:_Legends_of_the_Dark_Knight_Vol_1_139)

Fan Art: Cat Woman by Artgerm

Accompanying Podcast: ● Batbooks for Beginners - episode10

[dragonwysper]

1. Are you named after anyone?

Yes! My mom gave me my deadname based on an old friend she had (both were J names). My second/current name, Cole, I'm pretty sure came to me because I watched Ninjago. So there's that lmao.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Friday. For a friend who was struggling.

3. Do you have kids?

No, nor do I ever want any. If I change my mind, I'm adopting.

4. Do you use sarcasm?

Sometimes, and usually only for very obvious lighthearted jokes. My autism makes it hard to determine tone sometimes, and makes me just about incapable of lying, so I don't like to come off as mean or hard to read.

5. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Ngl probably hair if I'm being honest. My hair is a big thing for me (gives me euphoria if it looks good and dyphoria if it looks bad), and also is a big part of how attractive I think someone is. Secondarily though? How conservative they look. Gotta make sure it's safe to be my authentic homosexual self around them lmao.

6. What's your eye color?

Grey-blue

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

Both! I'm a real sucker for a good trauma recovery story, but stuff that's all horror or all wholesome is great too!

8. Any special talent?

Well, I can draw, I'm decent at finding stuff online, I'm great at IDing North American snakes, I'm learning how to ID various Acari families and orders, and I make some deliciously juicy, fluffy, microwaved scrambled eggs.

9. Where were you born?

Same little Missouri town I still live in. I think I was born at a St. Luke's hospital? Don't quite remember though skhddjjd.

10. What are your hobbies?

Drawing, sleeping, reading sad fanfiction, looking for mites, hiking through the creek, and watching horror movies.

11. Any pets?

Yes! I have an Egyptian egg eating snake (Dasypeltis bazi) named Mildred! I've begged my parents for a snake since I was five, and they finally let me, under the condition it didn't eat rodents. So! Egg eater! I also have a little Trombidium mite in a mini terrarium, though I'm not sure if he counts. Bro needs a name though fr fr.

12. What sports do you play/have you played?

I played flag football for a while when I was in kindergarten. The coach was really misogynistic and encouraged the other boys to make fun of me for being a girl. Joke's on them, I grew up to be a real manly man who can't throw a football for shit 😎. I hate sports though, fr. No shame to those who enjoy them, of course. Just ain't my thing.

13. How tall are you?

Measured my height a couple weeks back for a CSI project. I think I was about ~160cm?? Idk. Somewhere around there.

14. Favorite subjects in school?

Out of my current classes, animation's definitely the best! I do enjoy CSI a lot too, and last year's trigonometry was just about the most fun I've ever had in a math class.

15. Dream job?

No clue. I wanted to be a herpetologist for a while when I was younger, but then I got older and realized herpetologists get to pick between working at a zoo, milking venomous snakes, or breeding ball pythons. I like the idea of being an acarologist and studying undescribed species of mites, but acarologists in reality just get to learn how best to kill the parasitic and crop-devouring ones. Osteology would be cool, but I'm not super sure how good the outlook for that is. Animating might be fun, but a lot of studios like to work animators to the bone on the most grueling shit. Plus the whole AI situation doesn't look great. I really don't know what I want to do.

Tags (sorry if y'all don't like being pinged! Feel free to ignore!):

@vannyxan @vexingvertebrae @baneswood-sins @funkyness @hordraomin @images-that-are-only-cursed @jackquell @johnnystruant @marisatomay @wintercoffin @wolframbites @lankyledlights @thestargazerx @u-got-lynks @bbonsai3321

15 tags 15 mutuals

*tips hat* @athemarina

1. Are you named after anyone?: No but there is this thing on my father's side of my family where give a name starting with the letter A to their child.

2. When was the last time you cried?: About a month ago.

3. Do you have kids?: Noh

4. Do you use sarcasm?: Why would I ever?

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?: The way they talk and I try to notice hand gestures a lot.

6. What’s your eye colour?: Dark brown

7. Scary movies or happy endings?: Either one or both

8. Any special talents?: Eh....I can do this thing with my arms, it's a bit hard to explain but one friend called it a 'bone breaker' and my other friend told me I was temporarily popping it out of it's socket.

9. Where were you born?: Earth. I assure you that I am not an alien.

10. What are your hobbies?: Writing, drawing, reading, day dreaming, plotting ways to rebel against my school.

11. Have you any pets?: Fishes.

12. What sports do you play/have played?: Speed skating, swimming

13. How tall are you?: 5'4'' (yes I am very short)

14. Favourite subject in school?: Art (I am a computer science student)

15. Dream job?: Honestly I am trying to survive through school. My dream job was crushed in 8th grade.

Tagging: @late-to-the-fandom @master-of-the-pigeon-religion @on-noon @caligraphyzev @calloumii @idreamofhamandcheese @rxd-bxttrflxss @isabellebissonrouthier @midnight-and-his-melodiverse@subuthetitan @i-eat-books-and-nutella @timetravellingkitty @avocado-frog @usernamewastaken @aohendo

[technicolordinos-a]

this blog is highly blessed and so is your art keep doing what youre doing friendo

thank you!! ;//;

[lloydskywalkers]

salt

i’ve been incredibly absent and beyond behind on the show but i happened to glimpse the season finale and i. ah. hm. have yet to process my feelings but i’m tired and kai and nya deserve better so here is a humble offering of pain 

(spoilers for s15 finale!! big spoilers)

Kai’s never liked the taste of salt. Not the bitter, acrid kind that comes with seawater, stinging and choking as it fills your lungs, burning your nose when you gasp for air. Not the dry, sandpaper-aftertaste that lingers on your tongue for hours after. Not the hot, slip of salt that sticks to your cheeks and leaves your eyes red and aching.

He swipes angrily at the fresh burst of warmth that slips free from his eyes, cursing under his breath as he sniffles thickly. The last rays of the sun on the horizon feel like they’re slicing into his eyes, making his head ache further as he desperately squints at the horizon. It’d be easier to look down, away from the brightness of the sun. He knows that.

But he won’t. Kai’s not going to give the sea that satisfaction. He’s not going to even acknowledge it, the ocean where it churns below, the sound of the crashing waves just barely audible from the roof of the abandoned building he’s picked to hide on. The ocean can go on like that, endlessly chasing the shore, and Kai’s not even going to look at it. Never again. He’s hated the ocean for so long, a little longer is—

Forever is—

His breath catches on the edge of a sob, and Kai chokes it back, burying his head in his arms where they’re braced atop his knees. Forever. He’s stuck with the ocean forever. Stuck with the memory of everything that was saved and lost, all at the power that lies beneath the waves.

Kai hates it. He hates it. The ocean can’t make bad tea with him after nightmares in the night. The ocean can’t come up with stupid jokes to pass the hours with. The ocean can’t tease him with a fire that burns brighter than his own.

Even if he did try not to hate it, tried to love it — the ocean can’t love him back.

Something clenches terribly in his chest, like a twisting of a particularly sharp blade, and before the burn in Kai’s eyes can win out again, he grabs the nearest piece of debris, chucks it at the ocean, and screams as loud as his rasping lungs will let him, as if howling out the horrible ache inside him with lessen the pain.

It doesn’t. All Kai is left with is aching lungs, a pounding head, and more hot, salty tears staining his cheeks.

He hates salt. He hates it so much.

Footsteps rustle from behind him, slow enough to consciously let him know he’s being joined. Kai slumps, his legs giving out as he collapses back on the rooftop. There aren’t a lot of people that’d come after him when he’s like this. There’s only one that walks with a barely off-beat gait, the remnant of another injury Kai couldn’t prevent.

“Stupid, isn’t it,” Kai mutters, painfully conscious of how his voice croaks. He gives a ragged, bitter laugh. “At least it’s not a bar this time, right?”

Lloyd says nothing, merely crosses the remaining distance between them to carefully sit beside him. Drawing his own knees up, Lloyd raises his hand, offering Kai a scrap of something white. It takes him a moment to realize that it’s a tissue.

Kai gives a thick snort, this one less bitter. “Thanks,” he says, shakily accepting it. He blows his nose once, twice, wincing at the throb in his head. Lloyd remains quiet, staring out at the horizon. Kai takes a shuddery breath, exhaling as he wipes at his eyes. They sit there in silence, the only sounds the repetitive crashing of waves on the shore below, slow and mocking.

“It’s funny,” Lloyd finally says. His voice is quiet, but Kai can pick up the rasp at the edge of it. Lloyd’s eyes aren’t exactly dry, either. “Back when we thought we lost you all — when Harumi took the city — she was so strong. Said all this stuff about how we couldn’t give up. How we had to keep on living, even without you guys.”

Kai bites his tongue until the sharp burst of copper floods his mouth. He can only find it in himself to be relieved that it drowns out the taste of salt.

Lloyd shakes his head, the watery sheen at the edge of his eyes gleaming. “I keep expecting her to come back and scold us for being like this, you know? But she’s not coming back, is she.”

It’s not a question. It’s a hollow statement, bitter and empty. Kai swallows.

Lloyd makes a choking sound, turning it into a strangled kind of laugh. “Are you going to leave again?”

Kai blinks, long and slow. It’s tempting, he won’t lie. To run from the idea of going back to some semblance of normal, when everything they’ll do will be stained with memories. The idea of even trying without her, when she’s been such a steady presence. The idea of moving on, like it’s possible.

But memories of Nya are going to follow him wherever he runs, and what’s left of them is so fragile — Kai can only find it in himself to cling tighter to his team, before they leave him, too.

Lloyd speaks up again, before he can reply. “Because I’ll come with you, if you want to,” he says, his voice suddenly hot. “I’ll leave. We can both leave, we can all leave. Let’s — let’s leave.”

Kai falters in surprise, and finally glances at him. Lloyd’s gaze is steady, but there’s a manic glint in his eyes, a kind of resolve that might scare Kai had the situation been any different.

“You’re the Green Ninja,” Kai tries.

The glint grows harder. “I’m Lloyd, first,” he says. “I want — I want to be Lloyd, first. Nya—” He cuts off, exhaling shakily before continuing. “Nya wanted to be a samurai. Not a ninja. And now…”

He shakes his head, barely rustling his salt-crusted hair as he glares outward, his eyes fixed on the ocean. “I don’t want that. I want to be Lloyd. Not — not—”

Lloyd’s voice finally wavers, catching on the edge of grief, but Kai gets it. He’s been thinking much the same, after all. If their powers only lead them to this — if he’s doomed to watch Cole fade to the earth, to watch Jay vanish on the crack of thunder, to watch Zane slow and stutter to an icy halt. To watch Lloyd fizzle out on his own crackling energy pushed too far. If he himself is only doomed to burn himself out to the end of his match, to flicker out like a flame in the night.  

He doesn’t want to burn out. He doesn’t want to lose anyone else. He tells Lloyd as much, his voice wavering.

“We can’t leave,” he whispers. “This is — it’s all we know. It’s all we have. And I can’t—” Kai’s eyes are burning again. The ocean’s too close, too loud. “I can’t lose anything else.”

Lloyd’s expression spasms, the hard glint vanishing for something softer, something that looks more like Kai’s little brother. “Oh,” he murmurs. “Oh, Kai, I’m so sorry.”

Kai shakes his head, trying to wipe away the tears before Lloyd sees them, but Lloyd’s already snaking his arms around his shoulders, holding Kai tightly.

“I won’t leave,” he says, fiercely. “We’ll stay. We’ll — we won’t let it go to waste. For her. We’ll stay, for her. If that’s what you want.”

In another time, Kai could laugh, at how easily Lloyd would leave the team for him, now. In this time, Kai could scream again, rage against the setting sun and how the ocean looks beneath it, steady and present and there, always there.

Not like Nya. Not like his sister.

Instead, Kai crumples, buckling against Lloyd as hot, salty tears make tracks down his cheeks. He swallows thickly, his vision blurring over as he watches a wave crash onto the shore.

The taste of salt still lingers on his tongue, like drowning, like death.

Kai hates it.

[thatanonymouschocolate]

Gears of War College AU Headcanons

Baird

•Baird ofc is an Engineering Major

•Would probably live in the labs if the professors didn’t kick him out

•Engineering sometimes has battle bot competitions which he’s all for (he gets super excited like a little kid but denies it and tries to play it cool but the excitement is still in his eyes)

•Always supports cole at his music performances and football games (even if he has no idea what’s happening during the football games)

•Although his parents didn’t support his dreams and refused to fund his college tuition, his intelligence got him a full ride scholarship at the university.

•Surprisingly works at the tutoring center and tries to have patience with people

•Doesn’t realize most people don’t need tutoring, they just come in to get a good look at him. I can’t blame them though he’s smokin hot ;)

Cole

•Cole has a full ride scholarship bc of football but his major I feel like would be music specifically jazz music.

•Pretty popular amongst all types of people (Like he is in game) but i feel his favorite spot to hang out besides his music classes would be the floor where culinary is located the food always looks and smells fantastic and is always eager to sample their food.

•Loves showing up and supporting Damon at his bot competitions, Cole gets really into it and loves the action just as much as Damon.

•Definitely is the battle bot teams number one fan even had someone in the graphic design department to make a t-shirt.

•Likes teasing Dom whenever he sees him talking to maria outside of classes (He does the same to Marcus and Anya whenever he sees the two of them looking at each other like lovesick puppies)

Dom

•I could see Dom in Culinary, History, or Language & Literature Major

•Based off of him growing crops in Gears 3 definitely see him in Culinary putting so much love into the food he makes. (it's also how he wooed Maria with amazing pastries)

•Whenever there’s leftover food from culinary class he’s always happy to share with his friends

•He and Cole always see each other due to Cole’s music performances/shows with the university’s orchestra culinary does catering services.

•He definitely plans on making his own cookbook

•He loves making food and sharing it, food brings people together after all

Marcus

•Marcus would probably be a Medical Science Major following in his dad’s footsteps

•Probably focused on medicine, vaccines, and cures the most

•Spends time in the med labs more than usual to see Anya

•Hangs out with Dom at the cafe and always tries Dom’s new dishes as well as taking cooking lessons from Dom (he wants to be able to impress Anya and cook her dinner)

•Would probably be in a club (Anya makes him go but he surprisingly enjoys it after the first couple times he goes.)

•I feel like he’d give Baird some battle strategies for his bot battles (kinda like how in game marcus has pretty good tactical skills)

Anya

•Medical Major along with Marcus (which is how they met)

•I can definitely see in some clubs like a book club or something with Maria and Sam

•Loves showing up at everyones classes to see how they’re doing

•Can see her having a collection of pressed flowers (some of them Marcus got for her and she also lets Sam use them as references for flower tattoos)

Sam

•Sam would be an Art Major due to her wonderful tattooing skills

•Always has a drawing notebook full of incredible sketches

•Secretly has sketches of fictional couples and sappy romance stories in the back of her sketchbook (my girl Sam is a complete hopeless romantic tbh)

•I can see her in an art club and she takes Anya with her to one of those painting parties where they paint and sip wine and just vibe.

•Could also see her at book clubs with Marcus and Anya.

•Can see her gushing over romance novels with other members of the book club

Carmine (Clay)

•I can see him in Fire Fighting

•Could definitely see him in one of those sexy firemen calendars (can you blame me? have you seen that man’s huge fucking guns for arms? My god.)

•This big guy saving cats from high places.

•I can see him really dedicated to saving people and he just overall takes his job pretty serious

•He doesn’t realize he has a fanclub and how thirsty they are for him

•I can see him having a thing for baking and loves whenever he’s able to go to one of Cole’s performances, also loves watching Cole’s games.

•Anya and Marcus scolding him and telling him to be careful whenever he gets hurt on the job (which isn’t as much as his younger brothers since they’re also firefighters)

•Can see him going to one of those painting parties and end up seeing Sam and Anya there and just hanging out with them

[dull-c]

right so, i have had a Super Fun week archiving 40 years worth of actual paper author contracts for work (kill meeee) + sorting last minute biz for little sissas wedding. subsequently I have only squeezed in a few rewatches over the last few days, and am generally existing on caffeine and fumes, so there’s absolutely nothing of substance coming outta this head rn. but! regardless! some incoherent Thoughts on some eps from my one semi-functioning brain cell under the cut

previously on the bad show......... daniel: you look good man! you look hot, sorry i mean sorry you still, sorry- got you got that- you still got that great ass, sorry, i mean you look fucken edible, sorry i mean sorry i wanna kiss you johnny: [takes this personally for some reason] //there is no kissing and everyone is mad about it//

1x04 -“the 15 inch, that’s a nice machine” makes me laugh every time. ahh yes indeed the 15 incher. Yes. That one. Almost as good as the 250 GBer. i know about computers. what are the other staff in this store DOING -kinda home of sexual that billboard thing huh? you working through some stuff jlawz? i love the idea of him not only drawing a 5 meter long paint dick on daniel’s face, but also his karate pamphlets trailing behind him all the way like drunken breadcrumbs -i just need you to know that i laughed at every single dick joke in this episode

-gonna skip right past the poop thing i think -and kyler’s 30 year old HS friend -daniel reacting a normal amount to graffiti on his billboard, nothing to see here. he’s fine he’s fine he’s kicking drinks outta peoples hands he’s ruining livelihoods he’s fine -tom cole definitely voted for trump both times -i cannot tell you how angry i was the first time i watched this and that jlawz big “no do overs” speech was revealed to be directed at carmen and miguel. sir i know you got trauma but try that hard with YOUR ACTUAL SON please -daniel: that’s too bad :D that you broke up with kyler :DDDD really sorry to hear!! [is happiest babygirl alive]

1x05 -do some yoga jlawz, it’ll be good for you!! -oh no robby buying pizza for his ma. he got the one she likes. baby boi :((( -gonna scoot past the lynne stuff but i repeat, i’m glad they pumped the brakes on this shit in later seasons bc this aint it!!! -daniel raising the rent on poor folks and then deliberately going to johnny to rub it and/ or his wealth in his face is objectively some supervillain nonsense, but if they wanted me to not like him in this scene maybe they shouldn’t have made him look so hot. i’m very shallow and dumb and he look sexy when he mean -“i guess sam takes after her dad.” kyler’s a gronk but credit where it’s due, that was a sick burn.

-okay daniel talking to miyagi at his grave > cleaning out the dojo > going back to karate > panflutes > hachimaki etc made me do an embarrassingly big cry. my brain is not in any shape to verbalise this rn but something about him fucking up, realizing it and heading to a cemetery and talking to miyagi all vulnerable like that really did a number on my feelings, especially coming right out of the tkk movies rewatch. he misses him so much ;_;

1x06 -boooo kreese sucks, even in flashbacks and when I can’t see his face. -“my dad hates [daniel larusso’s] guts” ok was jlawz just talking about daniel constantly the full 30+ years?? no wonder robby is mad, if every time he actually saw him he was like “hi dad!” and dad launched into an hour long rant about one guy from high school he interacted with a total of four times and three of those four times was him beating him up -demetri is a big vibe. love my beloved garbage disaster man, but pretty sure if I met him irl i would pretty quickly be like ‘ok buddy, for sure! yeah strike hard totally. anyway…. [already out the door] seeya!!’ -daniel asking everyone to do karate with him including his employees trying to fill that miyagi void is such an understatedly sad part of this episode. my old mens both so sad. ilu please go to therapy -miguel and sam are freaking adorable awkward babies and i would die for them -robby trying to use daniel to get back at his dad and then instantly imprinting on him is so funny. being charmed by daniel larusso is in the genes somehow -(not to be shallow ((is shallow)) but daniel looks so baby in that bit where robby comes to the house) -you know that scene in not another teen movie where they’re like “oh my god she’s wearing glasses! and overalls! and her hair is tied back!!”? the Hawk scene gives that in reverse vibes. like GASP, he gelled his hair!! and put on skinny jeans!!!

1x07 -it’s a montaaaage! -miguel no offense my sweet summer child but do not ask jlawz for advice on romance. his idea of courting is just obsessively brooding about them for 30 years and then when he finally sees them again stomping on their foot and running away -daniel being like “it was a solid business plan!” (re little trees) is so so daniel. i am gonna chew my own arm off i love this bouncy little pretend guy so hard -the UST in the committee meeting is off the charts. please stop looking at each other like that in public (also daniel being like OH GIMMIE A BREAK when jlawz said ‘kreese is dead’ is honestly the funniest thing in all of season 1. maybe the entire series) -i’m getting ahead of myself, but the golf and stuff montage has made me think – it’s kinda weird that they went with ali and jlawz going there in s3, right? idk miguel and sam is a cute little parallel to the movie, but A & J going there seems…. strange to me. although not any stranger than anything else they’ve done re: the original movie ig? hmm.   anyway! weird thought to end things on, but sometimes it do be like that. will resume normal rewatching transmissions on the weekend. might even have an actual coherent thought or two on something after I catch up on some sleep! i have high hopes

[rhinozilla]

Life is stressing me out, so I’m escaping into my own fanfiction series, and now you all must suffer for it. Here are some Detroit 07 bits that never made it past the drawing board and some little behind-the-scenes things that I did write in.

At one point on the drawing board, RK900 was going to be designed with the ability to reverse deviancy. He would have essentially deleted the deviancy code from the android and remove their ‘personality/soul’ that they had formed. By the time this became plot-relevant, however, he himself would have destabilized to the point that he wasn’t outright deleting their personalities but would instead save them by uploading them to the Zen Garden that he had access to, to hide them from Ogden. This was originally what was going to happen to Julia and then Connor, rather than them getting shot with the power-neutralizing bullets.

Similarly, Ogden was originally going to have more gadgets as a side hustle to her Ghost drug rings. I still have them listed on my computer. Some new villain may get them later, who knows? Also, I was determined to make sure Ogden did not turn into a ‘sexy’ female villain. It took a weirdly conscious effort to resist the urge to do so, because that’s the majority of what female villains get backed into.

There is a version of the story where Ogden survived Camaraderie and is in prison. But I didn’t want to get bound to that lingering thread in future stories.

Before Bonny Stevens became Connor’s pen pal, it was going to be Emma Philips, and “Pen Pal Season” was going to be more dramatic. But I liked Bonny so much in the “Bubbles” story that I swapped her in there instead.

Similarly, I tampered with the idea of Bonny being either a classmate of Emma’s or Cole’s. But I didn’t want to tie her character to them.

Julia’s original design included very colorful fashion ideas. Like, solid bright colors that didn’t really match very well, as she explored the ability to choose her own clothes. Specifically, she would wear a lot of colorful open-toe shoes and flip flops, to show off her colorful nail polish. Like, you could HEAR her flip flop shoes flapping away when she stomped around. That actually lasted so long on the drawing board that my boyfriend still refers to her as “Flip Flops” sometimes.

There was a version of the plot that I entertained where Connor chooses to become a Stevens instead of an Anderson. Like, full on moves in with them and lives with them from then on out.

Before my version of RK900 appeared on the scene as Coda, I had the name “Isaac” picked out for him. 

I had more subplots around the idea of Connor dating Grace, but the way the rest of the story was moving meant those ideas wouldn’t have fit in.

Penelope Nichols was named purely to make the pun “Penny Nichols.” I did this before fully realizing that she was going to be a permanent character.

Speaking of name puns. There are three firefighter android OCs that have appeared in D07: Ember, Ashley, and Cindy, because I think I’m hilarious.

Yes, I have named all 60 of the RK800s with unique C-names.

Coda has a trauma-born fear of heat/fire like Connor has a trauma-born fear of cold/snow.

Ogden was named after a street sign that I passed on a road trip when I was brainstorming for this series.

I straight up forgot about canon police character Robert Lewis for a while. Now I really like the idea of him having Abed Nadir-levels of awareness that he’s in a fanfiction, leading to him only having funny little cameos to make up for it.

Connor and Julia, once I got on board with writing them as an endgame ship, were going to have a longer courtship of “will they, won’t they” where they were both awkwardly flirty and aware of each other’s feelings but unsure how to start anything. Because they’re both hopeless potatoes. But I like the more natural flow of them getting together better.

I am almost certain that at least once in a story, Bert has had a last name. But I did not keep track of it, I cannot find it, and I am scared to try and give him a new one and open up a continuity error. So he’s just Bert.

It occurs to me now that ‘Person’ may have been intended to be pronounced like “Pierson,” a more common last name. But that spelling choice is phonetically ridiculous, so I pronounce it like “person, place, thing.” Plus that’s more hilarious considering how private and walled off she used to be. Who is she? A person...maybe an eldritch being...Who knows?

Most writers that I’ve come across explain Gavin’s canon assholery by way of a bad childhood, trauma, mental illness, etc. And those are all valid; however, the idea that he’s “just like that” is funny to me. And originally, Camaraderie was supposed to just be a bunch of unconnected, funny nonsense oneshots.

Each of the 07 androids has an origin story as to how they chose/were assigned their names: Julia, Polly, Gwen, Zeke, Apollo. I’ve started to write those stories a few times, but I wasn’t sure anybody would care to read them.

Sumo is an immortal dog. There is zero chance that I will ever write a ‘Sumo gets old/sick/dies’ segment of this series. I don’t want to. So he gets to live forever, and we’re not going to question it.

[razzle-zazzle]

Whumptober Day 06: Touch & Go

Hunger

1820 Words; Runaways AU, just barely pre-Rise of the Serpentine

Lloyd was used to hunger.

It wasn't the kind of statement you’d want to hear from an eight year old, but it was the truth.

One would think that attending a boarding school would mean no issues with food—but Lloyd’s peers would pick on him in any way they could, including stealing his food, and his teachers would look the other way more often than not.

Being thrown out into the streets with nobody to look after him hadn’t helped, either. Lloyd didn’t have anything in the way of money when Darkley’s had kicked him out, so he’d learned how to scrounge and steal and covet any food he could get his hands on.

So yeah, Lloyd was used to going hungry.

Things had gotten better since running into Cole. But better didn’t necessarily mean good.

They were always on the move, and Cole had a system worked out where he would do labor or other small favors in exchange for food and lodgings. Stay just long enough in a town to eat up, rest up, and then stock up for the trip to the next.

Lloyd helped, sometimes, by virtue of being a small child with wicked puppy dog eyes.

But there were still two mouths to feed, and they still had no luck finding someone who would take Lloyd in—some towns chased them out entirely upon hearing who Lloyd was related to.

Fortunately, Lloyd was used to going hungry.

At least, that’s what he kept telling himself.

+=+=+=+=+

Cole was starting to consider giving up on the “find-Lloyd-a-proper-home” idea.

They’d already stopped announcing Lloyd’s heritage, but rumors and gossip spread fast—too fast. Not a single village they’d stopped at during the last month hadn’t known, resulting in suddenly-closed shops and suspicious glares and “Sorry, can’t help you”s and, in one notable case, an actual pitchfork waved at them.

Cole checked his bag again, wincing at the lack of proper food in there. If he was on his own, he could probably make this last for a week, but��

Cole looked over to where Lloyd was drawing with a stick in the dirt, likely plotting another prank. The kid was probably already aware of the food situation—or, Cole frowned, he was used to it after spending a few weeks on his own.

That didn’t reduce Cole’s stress, though. On his own, he could eat lightly enough to make the food last. But with the kid added into the mix?

Cole counted through the bags of trail mix and cans of non-perishables he still had. This wouldn’t be enough to last to the next town—not for the both of them.

And just getting to the next town didn’t guarantee more food, either.

Lloyd shouted, kicking at a small pile of sticks he built and laughing.

Cole looked at the contents of the bag one last time, then closed it.

The decision was surprisingly easy.

+=+=+=+=+

“I’m hungry.” Lloyd complained, trudging along the trail. “And my feet hurt, and it’s hot out, and—”

Cole sighed. “I know.” He continued walking. “The situation’s shitty enough, we don’t need to add needless complaining to it.”

Lloyd stuck out his tongue. “Well maybe I like complaining.”

“Then complain in your head.”

It wasn’t exactly easy to sulk while trudging up a hill, but Lloyd managed.

“Besides,” Cole added after a moment, “Complaining about the problems means you’re thinking about them, which makes them worse.”

Lloyd couldn’t argue with that logic, but not thinking about his aching feet or empty stomach was hard. It wasn’t like there was much else to do.

“Stupid walk,” Lloyd muttered, “Stupid people and their stupid food that they won’t share,” He crossed his arms for a moment, realized it made walking harder, and uncrossed them, “Stupid hills being too tall and stupid sun being too hot.” He was working up a really good sulk now, “Stupid tall grass scratching my legs—”

Cole groaned, half of it a growl. “You little pest,” he hissed, whirling around to face Lloyd.

“We’ve been walking for hours!” Lloyd protested, “The sun’s starting to set and we haven’t stopped since morning!”

Cole sighed. “Look, kid,” he began, tone unusually serious, “we need to get to the next town, ASAP. We have to keep going.”

Lloyd huffed. “That’s stupid.”

“There’s a reason—”

“It’s because we’re running out of food, isn’t it?” Lloyd accused. “We didn’t eat as much this morning.”

Cole cringed. “Yeah, that.” Then he frowned. “You’re not supposed to worry about that. I’ve got it handled.”

Lloyd’s eyebrow raised, skepticism written across his face.

Cole tensed, shoulders pulling in, before turning around. “C’mon. We just gotta get to that hill there. Then we can settle down for the night.” He started walking again, only glancing back once to make sure Lloyd was following.

Lloyd groaned at the distance, but said nothing else.

+=+=+=+=+

“You’re not eating.”

Cole froze.

A moment later, he resumed sketching the landscape in his sketchbook. “So?” He asked, faintly annoyed that Lloyd had noticed so quickly.

Lloyd frowned down at his own dinner. “‘S not fair.” He muttered.

Cole didn’t respond, instead concentrating on shading in the trees on the horizon just right. Maybe if he ignored the problem and focused on his drawing, it’d go away.

He was brought out of his laser-focus by Lloyd tugging on his shirt, food in hand.

“What now?” Cole asked, pulling his sketchbook close to his chest.

Lloyd held out the bowl. “Here.”

Cole stared, then pushed the bowl towards Lloyd. “This is yours.”

Lloyd frowned. “Yeah, I’m sharing it.”

“Just eat the damn food, Lloyd.” Cole shut his sketchbook, setting it and the pencil in his lap. “I’m not arguing with you about this.”

“But you need to eat.” Lloyd insisted, as if that would change Cole’s mind. “It’s not fair if I eat and you don’t.”

Cole shrugged. “It’s not fair that we’re struggling with food. It’s not fair that you got kicked out of Darkleys.” He swallowed, thoughts of his mother creeping into the back of his mind. “Life isn’t fair.”

“‘sides,” Cole added, “You’re a child. You need the food more than I do.”

Lloyd stared Cole down for a moment, before relenting and returning to where he was sitting.

Cole watched to make sure Lloyd was eating, then pulled out his sketchbook again.

Their camp was silent but for the subtle scratch of pencil on paper.

“I’m used to not eating.” Lloyd said quietly, breaking the silence.

Cole made a face. “You shouldn’t be.”

+=+=+=+=+

The next morning, Cole and Lloyd both ate a meager breakfast before setting off again.

Jamanakai Village was nice to them the first time they visited it. Hopefully it’d be the same this time.

They wouldn’t know until they got there, though, which meant a lot of hiking.

Mostly uphill.

Lloyd grumbled as he clambered up another small ledge, muscles aching from the exertion.

His stomach still hurt, feeling oddly empty despite having eaten just hours ago.

“We’re close,” Cole said quietly, helping Lloyd through the more vertical parts. “We’ll find somewhere to settle down for the night, then get to Jamanakai by midday tomorrow.”

Lloyd groaned. “Why can’t we just travel through the night? We’d get there quicker.”

Cole stopped, flat look on his face. “We’re not hiking this trail at night.” He resumed hiking. “And you need your rest.”

“Stick in the mud.” Lloyd muttered. Cole responded to the insult with a snort.

They continued their trek, making the occasional stop to sit and drink from the canteen in Cole’s bag.

At one such break, Lloyd voiced a question that had been bothering him for a while now.

“Why’s it so hard to get food anyway?”

Cole shrugged. “Food requires money, and it’s kind of hard to get money when you’re a fifteen year old runaway.” Cole groaned. “We don’t have resources, we just have camping supplies and an ever-dwindling supply of luck.”

Lloyd huffed. “Why can’t we just take the food? It’s not like I paid for anything when I was on my own.”

“Because if we steal we’ll get in trouble, and then people won’t trust us anymore,” Cole explained, rubbing the bridge of his nose, “And if people don’t trust us, they won’t help us.”

“It’s not like they trust us now.” Lloyd muttered.

Cole snorted. “Yeah, well, I don’t intend to go out of my way to piss people off.” He fixed Lloyd with a look. “And that’s not an invitation for you to go pissing people off, either, you little shit.”

Lloyd made a face, but a grumble was his only reply.

Another few moments of rest, and then they were off again.

+=+=+=+=+

Night fell, they set up camp, and Lloyd ate dinner while Cole sketched some deer he’d seen.

Hours later, long after Cole had fallen asleep in his sleeping bag, Lloyd sat up in his.

This wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair that Cole wasn’t eating. It wasn’t fair that food was hard to get. Lloyd knew Cole was reading books he’d found on foraging, but neither of them had been willing to try their luck with that just yet.

“It’s not fair.” Lloyd opined to the night air, knees pulled in close and arms wrapped around them.

His stomach agreed.

He looked at where Cole was snoozing, dead to the world. Cole was being stupid and refusing to eat, but he was right about one thing: Lloyd’s heritage wasn’t doing them any favors.

It wasn’t fair. Lloyd wasn’t his father. But people looked at him and his too-red eyes and decided to have nothing to do with him.

Cole didn’t, but Cole didn’t have the authority to just take food.

Lloyd’s eyes widened. That was it!

Cole might just be a nobody runaway, but Lord Garmadon wasn’t.

Lloyd shimmied the rest of the way out of his sleeping bag and stood up, new resolve hitting him. He went over to the bag of supplies, grabbing the sketchbook and flipping to the next blank page to write a note. He barely glanced at most of the drawings; he’d looked at them before, late at night when he couldn’t sleep.

Note written, Lloyd took the torn-out page and folded it up, putting it by the trail mix Cole undoubtedly intended to use as breakfast tomorrow. He’d have to apologize later, but he wouldn’t leave Cole totally in the dark.

That done, Lloyd dug through the bag for a few supplies. This would be a difficult prank, and he’d definitely need to make use of any supplies he found once he got to town. But if he pulled it off, then it would solve their food troubles, and that was reason enough.

As a last step, Lloyd grabbed his hoodie; the one he’d painted the bones on.

Supplies gathered and resolve set, Lloyd set out.

He had to get moving if he wanted to reach Jamanakai Village by morning.

[whatifxwereyou]

Ashes Chapter 9: City Lights

Pairing: Liu Kang x Reader

A good night, for the most part. You search for peace amongst the stars but you find something else instead. I hate writing summaries. Lol.

A/N: Hope you're all doing well. Thanks for reading! I'll be busy on Sunday because it's my birthday, but I will still be updating~

First Chapter << Previous Chapter Next Chapter >> Chapter Index

Afternoon became an evening spent with Cole, Allison, and Emily. You ate an early dinner, returned to the hotel, and found one of Johnny Cage’s movies to watch. You mostly laughed at it. “Gist of My Fist’ was a terrible name for a movie and the movie itself, while it wasn’t the worst movie that you had ever watched, was pretty up there. You had no qualms with bad movies. Watching it had at least prepared you for tomorrow if you had to use your arcana to persuade the actor into helping you.

When they were ordering room service and preparing another movie you said your farewells. It was late, you’d claimed, and you weren’t very hungry. You were socially exhausted, and you really weren’t hungry. So, it hadn’t exactly been a lie. It had been ages since you’d spent that much time with anyone outside of Kung Lao and Liu Kang in a social setting and it had drained you. You had forgotten how exhausting other people could be. They were incredibly nice, and you had become more comfortable around them, but you still needed to recharge your social battery.

That and you had to resist going to the bar for a drink.

Whiskey had been your lullaby nearly every night after Kung Lao had died.

Waking up next to Liu Kang had sobered you up but it had been days since then and your brain was so loud. A little drink would quiet it down. It was a bad idea, and you knew that but it didn’t mean you didn’t want to. The price of liquor at the hotel was enough to make you decide to think on it.

Instead, you decided to go to the roof where there was a garden setup for guests. At that late at night most people were leaving the garden, bothered by the nighttime bugs. You sat away from those who remained for some time, watching the world pass by below and the clouds moving over the ocean in the distance.

As time passed, you were left alone. You were both grateful for the silence and frustrated by the thoughts that immediately filled it. There had been a time where you’d been grateful to be alone and now it was torture. Raiden had been right to send Liu with you except that he was a big part of the reason that your thoughts were torture.

A pretty substantial part of why your thoughts were torture, actually.

What did anything mean anymore? You didn’t know.

Seated on one of the garden benches, you stayed silent for a long time. Once certain you were alone, you dared to do something that you hadn’t done since he’d died.

You drew Kung Lao.

He stood before you, tall, with a permanent look of smug satisfaction on his face. You walked around him and admired the details in his clothing right down to the misplaced thread on his favorite shirt. Then you stood beside him and watched the night sky. The stars were few and far between. There were too many lights in that part of the world to see the majesty of the night sky that you had admired only nights before alongside Liu Kang.

“I miss you.” You knew that the drawing couldn’t respond. It wasn’t real. Kung Lao was gone. You were alone. “I wish that I could talk to you. I wish I could tell you all the things that I made you wait to hear.” All you’d wanted was a conversation. A real conversation about what he thought marriage meant, about the fighting you’d done in the past few months. A moment for you to be honest about your history with Liu Kang.

Instead, he’d died and you’d never gotten the chance to say yes. You’d never gotten to understand what any of it had meant. You should have just said yes, damnit.

Liu Kang’s words were eating you alive.

Had your connection to him made you hesitate? He’d broken your heart and you’d gotten over him, sort of. You’d distanced yourself, at least. Now you were tearing yourself apart from the inside out because you were afraid it was true. What did it matter if it was? You would never know. Even so, you fixated next to the carefully crafted apparition of a man that you’d loved with your whole heart.

Nothing about this was healthy.

You were exhausted.

Stepping back from the drawing of Kung Lao, you lowered into a ready position. When you’d been angry with each other, bored, or you were frustrated, Kung Lao would spar with you. It usually ended up with you wrestling around laughing or in bed. Sometimes both. The drawing of Kung Lao did as you asked. It fought you and for a time it was soothing to keep up the action of something that you were good at.

You lost your balance on the stone and the ink caught you, wrapping its arms around you, and pulling you close against it. You admired his face and he smiled. He smiled because you wanted him to smile. Just the way that he used to. His hand cupped your cheek and you leaned into it, resting your hand over his.

Your eyes misted with tears. “I’m sorry, Kung Lao.” Time was supposed to heal all things but you weren’t sure that anything could do away with the guilt you felt. Closing your eyes, you tried to pretend that the hand wasn’t cold, dark ink. It was his warm and comforting hand. He would be there smiling down at you, telling you that you’d worried over nothing. You’d overthought it.

Then you were falling, your footing completely lost. Water pulled back from the shore, moving further and further away. It would come back tall and angry; it was a pattern you recognized. It meant you had to run but you couldn’t move. Hadn’t you been on the roof? The sand was hot beneath your toes and you were stuck. Your body was rooted firmly in place beyond your control.

The water rose in a wild roar, obscuring the sky with a sun that burned a brilliant red. You tried to scream, to warn others who might be in danger but there was no one. The air was suffocatingly hot, scorching. But as the wave grew closer, your stomach dropped into a tremendous pit and you felt sick. The air stunk of death and a wave of bodies soared toward you, towering high above. Winged creatures like giant bugs flew overhead through the dark skies. They were massive and you tried to get a better look, but the sun was so bright you couldn’t make out much of their features.

A dark figure stood before the wave of bodies surrounded by the roaring of souls. A hand grabbed your arm and turned you around swiftly.

Kung Lao.

Your heart stopped.

“You have to run, Y/N,” he whispered with such urgency that you swore it was really him. There was no way. It wasn’t possible! Before your eyes, his skin became sallow and sickly, deteriorating and rotting, cracked and filled with green mist. You fought his grip in a panic and pulled back. “Y/N…”

Your feet unstuck from the sand and you gasped, falling backwards. You braced yourself for the fall but instead you were saved by a pair of strong, inky arms. You grasped desperately onto the form and caught your breath. Your lungs ached as though they were being crushed.

The drawing of Kung Lao had caught you.

You buried yourself against the drawing’s chest and sobbed as you caught your breath.

This was not Kung Lao. Your grasp on the drawing tightened.

It was Liu Kang.

Panicked, you dropped the magic and collapsed to your knees out of breath and trembling from head to toe. You were clammy and dripping with sweat. Cursing under your breath you held your head in your hands. That hadn’t been a dream. The other night hadn’t been either. You should have known better. What did it mean? And what were you going to do about it? You had to talk to Raiden. He would know what to do.

This was the last thing that you needed right now.

Stumbling to your feet you made your way back to the garden bench just as the door opened behind you. Resting your elbows on your knees, you fanned your face and tried to will away the nausea left behind by the vision. It was already disappearing from your memory. You’d never been good at interpreting what your visions meant. They’d mostly made you sick.

Liu Kang stopped on the other side of the garden bench and avoided your eyes. “Oh.”

“I can go.” You needed a minute to be steady on your feet, but you’d had your time on the roof with the few stars.

“You don’t have to. I just wanted to see the stars.” He folded his arms over his chest.

“Too much light pollution. You can’t see much.” You pushed your hair away from your face and rested your hands on your knees afterwards. The world was still spinning. Liu was watching you and then sat next to you on the bench.

“Are you okay?” He made to rest a hand on your back but stopped himself.

“I’m fine.”

“You’re gray.”

“I’m tired. That’s all.”

“I haven’t seen you this gray since you first came to the temple, and you had…” He drifted off as if realizing exactly why you were that gray. You wanted to deny it until you could talk to Raiden, but your body betrayed you. You were too tired to fake it. Your fingers were tingling with numbness, and you were nauseous.

“Yeah.” You sighed. “I’m fine.”

“If you had a vision, you would tell me, right?”

“I’m not in the mood for this.”

“Y/N, don’t be unreasonable.”

“Do you have a reason to still be talking to me? Or are you just here to make tonight harder?” You didn’t mean to snap at him and immediately regretted it. You were feeling sick and defensive. Also, you had accidentally made him out of ink for the first time in years and wondered what that meant for your subconscious.

He smiled. You turned away and pouted. “I thought you’d been lying about having a temper to make me feel better.” You puffed up your cheeks in frustration. “I owe you another apology, I think.” He counted on his fingers, and you turned back to watch him. “That’s the third one this week, right?”

“You probably owe me more than one apology at this point.”

“Yeah, but how many times can I apologize before it becomes meaningless?” He was trying to joke with you, and you needed to try and unclench. It was bad timing, all of it. “I am though. Sorry, that is. Not about last night, well maybe about pushing you so hard but… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to take any of this out on you.”

“I know.” Perhaps that was part of why it had hurt so badly. None of it had ever felt like your Liu Kang. “I’m sorry too. I handled it poorly.”

“I’ve been told that we’re grieving.” He clasped his hands before him.

“Yeah, that’s what we keep saying.”

“I had an idea.”

“Is this idea going to make us yell at each other? Because if it is then I would very much like the chance to reschedule.”

“I honestly don’t know. I don’t think it will.” His brow furrowed into a line.

“Well, go for it, I guess. Idea away.”

“I’m grieving in my own way.” He shrugged but he looked weighed down and you felt guilty again. “Not well, obviously. And you’re grieving in your own way too. Also, poorly I might add.”

“I thought you said that you weren’t picking a fight.”

“I’m not.” He reassured you. “I thought that maybe we could try grieving together.” He was staring at you again, and you sighed heavily.

“I don’t know, Liu.” You could think of a dozen reasons why that was a bad idea and wouldn’t work off the top of your head. But it was the first non-confrontational thing he’d done in days. “He was your brother. You lost something like a limb. I love Kung Lao but what we had was different. Our grief is not the same.”

“Your grief is no less significant than mine, Y/N.”

“It is, Liu. You lost more than I did. I know what I lost. But it’s different. You lost so much more.” Your eyes were burning again. God, you were so frustrated with your emotions.

“And now I’m losing you too.” Liu spoke with a bite of frustration and then looked as if it was taking all his focus not to lash out. “I don’t want to lose you, Y/N.”

“I can’t fill the void that Lao left behind.”

“I don’t want you to. I don’t even want you to fill the void that you left behind.” He held his head in his hands. You wanted to say you didn’t do that, he had pushed you away, but you also knew why he’d done it. This was a terrible mixed bag of emotions. If you said that then you would definitely end up fighting again. You held your tongue. “I miss you. I don’t need you to fill a void. I just need you.”

“Liu…” You hesitated and felt the guilt in the pit of your stomach again. But he was asking for something for himself, and you couldn’t tell him no. He never asked for anything for himself. He picked up your hand like it were something delicate and you felt your heart just aching. What would Kung Lao do if he could see you now? In your mind’s eye you could see him resting his hands on your shoulders and telling you it was okay. But that was just what you wanted to see.

“Don’t do that, Y/N.” Liu’s eyes were glassy too and he turned away. “You’re allowed to have feelings.”

“Isn’t this part of why we keep fighting?” You sniffled but didn’t pull your hand away from his. “You keep making assumptions about what I’m feeling. Saying things without thinking first. You have no idea what’s going on in my head, Liu Kang.”

“I’m not trying to start a fight, I promise.” Liu closed his eyes as if to try and recite what he would say so it wouldn’t come out wrong. He used to be so thoughtful. This really was taking a toll on you both. “I just know you well enough, or I think I do, to see that you’re beating yourself up for things that are beyond your control.”

“I…” You hesitated and then pulled your hand back. “Kung Lao…”

“Kung Lao loved you, Y/N.” Liu Kang said with a huff. Did he resent that he had? “He wanted you to be happy. It would crush him to see you now.”

“I know that, Liu. I know and… he would have wanted that for you too. You always put your needs beneath his and he let you without realizing, I think and…” You didn’t mean to say that, and Liu was staring at you in surprise as if he hadn’t realized that he’d been doing that either. When you caught his gaze, he turned to avoid you. You were playing an extremely dangerous game of cat and mouse. “It’s impossible to know what might have been, Liu Kang. To know how it would have turned out. What he would have wanted. No matter how I spin it in my head there is nothing to be done that can change the truth that he’s gone.” You spoke slowly and carefully, not wanting to escalate the sudden tension further if you could help it. It only ended one of two ways and both of those were destructive. “No matter what I tell myself… it doesn’t ease my guilt.”

“Yeah, I can see that.” Liu was sounding bitter again and you held your head in your hands once more. You were still nauseous. This was the worst.

“I don’t have it in me to fight with you tonight, Liu,” you whispered. “I just don’t. Give me a day or two and we can be at each other’s throats again.”

“I don’t want to fight with you, Y/N.” He turned to you again. “We need to talk.”

“I know but I’m not sure we can do that without fighting.” You closed your eyes. You sat in uncomfortable silence, a now common occurrence. Your stomach was in knots.

“Are you sick because you had a vision? Or are you sick with grief, Y/N?” His tone was soft as if he were trying to ask a hard question without making it sound like a confrontation. You whined.

“I had a vision, okay?” You confessed. “I don’t know what it means. I need to talk to Raiden. It’s already almost gone. I remember a beach. I remember… being stuck and then I fell and…” The details were like drops of soap in water. Impossible to catch once they’d been mixed in. “I’ll be fine. It had just happened when you got here.”

“Have you eaten?”

“I had dinner with Cole and his family.” You decided to turn the tables on him. “Have you eaten?” He looked affronted.

“I… no… ummm…”

“Pot, kettle, black.” You poked his shoulder, and he smiled a little. “Stop worrying about me. Don’t fixate on it. I’m fine. Raiden will figure it out when we get back.” You reassured him and then sat there together quietly again, unsure what to say. You did know one thing, at least. “You need to eat.”

“I ate earlier, just been since this morning.”

“I stand by what I said.”

“I’ll eat if you come with me.” He suggested. “We can grab a drink in Kung Lao’s honor and reminisce. Try that grieving thing together.”

“That’s a terrible idea.” You laughed as he looked instantly insulted. “Liu, us and liquor? Historically? Not good.” Liquor made the consequences seem less significant. It made you care less about what went wrong. It clearly made him a little bolder, too.

“Oh, yeah, I didn’t think about that.” He smiled a little. “No alcohol then. I just thought that it might make it easier to talk about the things that we are finding difficult to talk about if we had a drink.”

“Well, it would make some things easier but who knows how we’d feel about that tomorrow.” You wished, just for a brief second, that you remembered the night you’d had. You got all the trouble without any of the fun! You were sure that you’d had fun, but you couldn’t remember it, dammit.

“How about it, Y/N? We go downstairs to the bar, grab some food, no alcohol… we just… talk. Grieve.”

You considered it. You weren’t sure how that was going to work. You were in a place where the slightest thing could turn your conversation into an argument at the drop of a hat. But if you could find common ground to stand on then maybe it might make the rest of what you needed to say less painful.

“Okay.” You finally replied and Liu Kang seemed genuinely surprised.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. The truth is, Liu, that I miss you. This has been so incredibly trying and difficult for so many reasons. I swear though, if you make me cry again? I am going to punch you. No more slapping. Big ol’ punch. You will have a black eye to explain.” You didn’t think you’d actually punch him, but the threat was a little funny.

“Honestly, I am impressed that you haven’t yet.” Liu Kang stood and offered you his hand. “I stand by most of what I said though, even if I apologized.” He shrugged and you ran your tongue over your teeth and narrowed your eyes at him.

“Don’t start, Liu.”

Next Chapter >>

[rosiehunterwolf]

For the Romping and the Roaring- Part 2

My submission for Day 2 of @serpentfever's Inhuman Event!

Link to read on ffn.net (Recommended if you are on mobile or haven't read the first part yet)

Preview:

The hair on the back of her neck raised, sensing the hit a moment before it came, but by then it was too late to dodge, even with her quick reflexes.

Kai’s hand shoved into her chest, and she hit the ground hard. She gasped, more from shock than pain, and then her brother was darting past her, out the door.

She gazed after him, dazed. She had experienced her fair share of fights with her brother, but he had never hit her before. It hadn’t hurt bad- she knew the raw strength he could pack, and that he had been holding back immensely, but it still- it still made her heart race.

“Nya!” Jay yelped, running over to her. “Are you alright?”

“I-I’m fine,” she breathed, her voice shaking hard. She swallowed, trying to force out the tremor.

This hadn’t changed anything. She wasn’t afraid of her brother. Just a bit shocked, that was all. He hadn’t meant to do it, he had just lashed out out of frustration.

He would never hurt her on purpose.

He would never.

(Full chapter under the cut)

Prompts Used: Injury

Word Count: 6,730 (wooo this one hopefully won't crash my browser)

Rating: T

Trigger Warnings: Blood, Dehumanization

“Lloyd, come away from the door. It’s too cold outside.”

Lloyd looked back reluctantly at Nya’s call. Kai peered at him from over the large grocery bag he was carrying.

“She’s right, bud. The last thing we need is for someone to get sick. Medicine is pricey,” he added, frowning at the lightness of his wallet.

Zane carried in another bag beside him and pulled the door shut. Nya walked over to him, ruffling Lloyd’s hair as she passed. “How are we doing on cash?”

“We still got enough for a little while. But not a ton. I guess I underestimated all the stuff we would need.” He frowned, glancing around at their makeshift home, shivering as a chill tickled through the air. “We should’ve gotten more blankets. With winter coming, it’s going to be tough having no heat.”

“We should take turns sleeping with Lloyd. He’s like a little living furnace.”

Kai smirked. “Well, at least that’s one person we shouldn’t have to worry about. I thought he might be more vulnerable because of how small he is, but those dragon and oni genes really seem to be doing something for him.”

“Speaking of which,” Nya sighed, “he nearly set Cole on fire today.”

Kai winced. “Did we lose anything?”

“Just a blanket and part of a shirt.”

Kai shook his head, turning towards the boy. “Lloyd, what did I say about using fire breath indoors?”

Lloyd hardly seemed to hear, gekkering softly as he climbed up a support beam, flapping his wings a few times to propel him up to the rafters. Red eyes glowed eerily down at them, and Kai sighed.

“He’s only getting more restless the longer we’re in here,” Nya growled. “You don’t know what a pain he is when you’re gone.”

Kai crossed his arms over his chest. “It’s been two weeks. We can’t keep him in here forever.”

“We can’t stay here forever,” Cole grunted, looking up from the book he was reading. “We’re already running low on funds. We’re going to have to get jobs, somehow. And we can’t live in an abandoned warehouse for the rest of our lives- already, we’re struggling with the winter coming. Jay’s already got a cold. Sooner or later, one of us is going to freeze to death.”

Kai drummed his fingers along his thigh, turning his gaze to where the lab hybrid was snuggled on the floor in a pile of blankets, near the center of the building, where it was warmest. “How’s he doing?”

“He’s gonna be fine, it’s just a common cold. We’re just letting him sleep it off. But winter’s only just beginning. It’s only going to get worse from here on out.”

“Cole’s right,” Zane said. “We have to try something else.”

“We’re just a bunch of kids,” Nya snapped, her voice tight. “We have no idea what we’re doing.”

“Perhaps it’s time… we start looking for help.”

Three wary gazes shifted to Zane.

Kai narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean by that? Everybody hates our skins. Who would help us?”

“We don’t know that for sure. Borg told us that the world had it out for us… but he also pretended to care about us when he was really just using us.”

“Are you suggesting we go to the police?!” Nya growled. “Do you want to die?”

“Borg lied about a lot of things. What if he was lying about this, too?”

“And what if he wasn’t?” Kai retorted. “That’s a huge risk, Zane. One we can’t afford to take.”

“It was only a suggestion.”

“I get where you’re coming from, Zane,” Cole sighed, “but they’re right. That’s a big risk, and if we’re chased out, we have nowhere to go this time.”

“So what do we-”

They were interrupted by a shrill shriek, and whipped around to see Jay jerking up into a sitting position, Lloyd half-slumped over his chest. “What are you doing here?”

“Lloyd, leave Jay alone, he’s resting,” Kai chastised, rushing over to scoop him off of Jay. Lloyd squirmed in his grip, and Kai sighed. “What is wrong with you today?”

“He’s got too much energy for this cramped little place,” Nya told him. “He’s gonna end up hurting someone if we don’t do something about it.”

“Take him outside,” Jay sniffed, “before he burns the whole place down. And besides, he’s the only one of us you guys haven’t let wander since we got here. How is this different from what Borg did to him his whole life?”

“We’re protecting him from Borg,” Kai growled sharply. “If it was up to Borg, he’d be dead right now. I think we’re doing a much better job.”

“I’m not saying we aren’t,” Jay corrected quickly, waving his hands. “But I thought we wanted to give him the freedom he never had.”

“It’s not that simple, Jay,” Nya sighed. “Lloyd’s wanted- we all are, but he’s got the most at risk. If he’s spotted by anyone from Borg- it’s dangerous, is what I’m trying to say.”

“Of course it is. But so is hiding in an abandoned building for the rest of our lives. So is having nothing but a quickly-dwindling stash of money to our name. So is sleeping in a cold building with no heat through the winter. So is keeping a frustrated, fire-breathing brat inside a flammable area for two weeks.”

Lloyd shot a plume of fire at his face, and Jay shrieked, ducking. “See? I told you!” “Nah, he’s just mad at you for calling him a brat,” Nya snickered.

Kai gritted his teeth, pushing Lloyd’s face to the side until he stopped. “Jay does have a point, though. Maybe it’s worth trying to take him out.”

“But Borg-”

“We’ll be really careful,” Kai told her. “I’ll make sure he’s ready, and on his best behavior. You plan out where we’re going to go.”

Cole frowned. “How many of us are going to be going?”

“Two, plus Lloyd, would be ideal. Any more would draw too much attention.”

“Three of us could still be risky,” Cole warned. “Everyone at Borg looking for us will know what we look like. Disguises can only go so far.”

“I don’t want to just send one person out with Lloyd, though. If things go south, we’re going to need to stall for a little bit until we can get away.”

Cole crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m not sure how much I like the odds of two of you against a whole legion of Borg associates.”

“We don’t know for sure there’ll be that many,” Zane reminded. “And it will take a while to call backup.”

“And besides,” Kai added, “I’m not planning on getting noticed. It’s just a precaution if we do.”

Everyone stared expectantly at Cole, who remained silent. Lloyd struggled in his arms, and Kai let him go. The boy bounded over to the badger hybrid, and gripped his leg, looking up pleadingly. Cole looked down at him, his forehead creasing. Closing his eyes, he let out a long sigh.

“Alright, Kai, but I really hope you know what you’re doing.”

---

Kai, in fact, did not know what he was doing.

The plan was so simple in his head- teach Lloyd to blend in by having him get used to disguises and showing him the proper behaviors. They had done a very similar thing every time they had taken Lloyd out on one of their outings, back when they had still been living at Borg Tower. How hard could it be, really?

As it turned out, very hard.

Nya had not been lying about his exuberance. He seemed determined to make every little thing difficult.

“Lloyd, just put on this hat! You’ve done it before, quit being stubborn now!”

Lloyd jerked away from the hat like it was some sort of disease, hissing and batting at it. When Kai tried to pull it over his head, the boy grabbed it in his teeth and started pulling.

“No, no, don’t rip it! Augh, why can’t you just do as you’re told!”

“How’s the training going?” Nya laughed.

Kai turned to glare at her, releasing the hat. “Fine, thank you.”

“Really? Because it looks like your pupil just got away…”

Kai jerked his head back. Lloyd had dragged the hat, by his teeth, across the room, and was now slipping himself under the slab of wood that they had used as a foundation for a bed, which was much too low to the floor for Kai to even dream of fitting under.

He scowled, walking over to where Lloyd had wedged himself into, and stuck his arm underneath it, praying that he didn’t lose any fingers.

Luckily, Lloyd didn’t seem to be in a biting mood, but Kai could feel him cringing back from his touch.

“Come on, Lloyd, just come out of there already-”

He stopped as he realized Nya was giggling. Shooting her a glare, he growled, “What’s so funny?”

“You think you’re gonna have him ready to go by the end of the week?”

“You see if I don’t. You’re gonna be sorry you ever doubted me.”

“Uh-huh. If that’s what you need to tell yourself, I suppose.”

---

“Brr,” Jay huffed, as he and Nya pushed the door shut. “The wind’s really picking up out there.”

“Hopefully it’s just a cold streak,” she agreed. “I don’t want it to be too cold if we’re bringing Lloyd out in a couple days.”

“You guys still on for that?”

“I think so. Kai says he’s making progress with him. I guess we’ll have to see.”

“Hey Nya, Jay,” Cole nodded at them. “You feeling better, bro?”

“Oh, a lot better. Good as new! I think it was just a little cold. I can go back to helping out, now.”

Zane sighed. “We were fortunate, this time. Let’s hope it stays that way.”

“Lloyd,” Nya called, pulling a package of gummy bears out of one of the shopping bags. “We got a surprise for you!”

She cast her gaze to the rafters, expecting him to come leaping down, but was surprised when she saw him wriggle out from where he was dozing beside Kai, instead.

She handed him the bag. “Don’t eat them all at once, okay? We’re a little tight on money right now, so you won’t be getting any more for a while.”

The smile he shot her was small, with no teeth, as he took the bag. “Thanks, Nya.”

She frowned at him. The last time she had brought him candy, he had basically been jumping off the walls with excitement, his tail swishing and ears twitching. Now, he was barely even smiling, and stood abruptly still.

Tugging at the seal, his brow furrowed as it didn’t open. When he didn’t immediately tear it open with his fangs, and instead handed it to her so she could open it for him, she knew something was definitely off.

“What’s wrong, Lloyd? Are you feeling alright? Aren’t you happy with it?”

“No, I want it!” he yelped, grabbing for the bag.

She frowned at him, snatching it away. “Why are you acting so weird?”

Lloyd’s ears drooped, his hands dropping to his side. “Kai told me to act like the humans so I could go outside. Did I do bad?”

Nya felt her heart squeeze. “Oh, no, honey, you didn’t do anything wrong. I… I’m just not used to seeing you like this.”

He looked up at her, red eyes hopeful. “I did it right? I acted good?”

Nya took a slow breath. “Yeah, I mean… Lloyd, what exactly did Kai tell you to do?”

Lloyd shrugged. “He said if I smile too much, people can see my fangs.” Peeling back his lips, he pointed to the sharp teeth, as if Nya needed a demonstration. “Seeh?”

“Yes, Lloyd, I see. But why do you need to hide your fangs in here?”

“Kai said I’m prat-practicing,” Lloyd told her matter-of-factly, looking immensely pleased with himself for pronouncing the long word. “So I can be good when we go outside!”

Nya’s stomach felt hard. “What other kinds of things did he tell you to do, Lloyd?”

“He teached me how to not wiggle my ears so much.” He pointed to his ears, making a point of holding them still. “And we talked a lot. He’s showing me to walk on my feet better too, which is kinda wobbly though, and not as fast as using my hands, too. But Kai said I’m doing better than I was! Hey, Nya,” he added, pointing at her face, “you’re doing that thing Kai told me not to do. I can see your fangs!”

Nya unclenched her teeth, working her jaw. “Thanks, bubs. I’m gonna go talk to Kai now, okay? You have some of your gummies.”

Turning to where her brother was slouched against the wall, paging through a magazine, she stormed over to him. He glanced up at her nonchalantly, and Nya felt a surge of frustration in her chest at how calm he was.

“What’s wrong?”

“Why have you been teaching that stuff to Lloyd, Kai? Why is he acting so… weird?”

“You mean normal? It’s great, isn’t it? I gotta admit, it felt like an impossible task at the beginning of the week, but he’s reformed pretty quickly. I think he’s almost ready to go out!”

“It’s not great,” she growled. “You’ve completely changed who he is! There’s a difference between teaching him to stay low and to completely reforming him into human society!”

Kai eyed her testily. “I don’t see what the big deal is. What else were you expecting me to do?”

“I wanted you to hide him, not change his behavior! This isn’t him, Kai!”

“Relax, Nya, it’s just some minor modifications. He’s still our mischievous little brother!” “Really? Because he seemed much less feral to me.”

“Well, yeah! We can’t have him acting out in the middle of the city! I, for one, think this is an improvement. He hasn’t set anything on fire in days.”

“We’re not humans, Kai! We’re different than them, and that’s okay! He has to know that. He has to know what we are! We can’t just try to change him just because it’s what the world wants.”

“I don’t see anything wrong with being like the humans. They’ve gotten off alright, haven’t they? Meanwhile, we’ve spent our whole lives being cheated and used.”

“Just because something’s hard doesn’t mean we should just give up! I can’t believe you, don’t you care about your identity at all?” “I care about surviving. I’m trying to keep us safe! What’s a few little changes if it benefits us in the long run?”

“It might start as just some small changes, Kai, but eventually it’s going to snowball into something bigger.” She felt her voice catch in her throat. “I don’t want to teach him to hide who he is. I want him to be proud. He hasn’t done anything wrong! We left Borg to get away from that, didn’t we? So that we could start our own paths and be who we wanted to be?”

“You wanted to be homeless and poor?”

“Kai!”

“What? You’re upset with me for telling the truth? We ran away from Borg so we could live. It was out of necessity, not even a choice, really.”

“Borg was our captor. He lied to us our whole lives, made us believe he was the only one who cared when he couldn’t be bothered with us at all. If you’re seriously defending him right now-”

“I’m not defending him, of course I’m not!” Kai jumped to his feet, growling. “What kind of psychopath do you think I am? He tried to kill my baby brother! If you think I would be on his side after that-”

“But don’t you see, it’s more than just that! He was hurting all of us, for years. He was a bad person even before he decided to get rid of Lloyd. Now’s our chance to finally be free of all that. Now’s our chance to be ourselves, to-”

“To get captured again, according to you.”

“How could you say that? I want to protect everyone as much as you do, but I also think you are posing a threat to us by imposing on us the same rules Borg did-”

“How dare you compare me to him!” Kai roared. Nya flinched, and she felt the others turn their gazes on them. “I am nothing like that wretch, nothing, I want nothing more than to protect my family from him! I am doing what I must to keep us safe from him, to keep us as far away as possible. I am trying to avoid suspicion, and I don’t care about your sentimental values. I care about surviving!”

If it was anyone else, they would’ve backed down. Kai didn’t break out his roar at just any time, especially not on those he cared about. When he did, you knew he was seriously pissed. No one in their right minds would mess with him when he was mad.

But Nya was his sister, and her temper was just as hot. Although she might not have the strength of a lion behind her, or the fierceness of his roar, she wasn’t going to let her brother scare her.

“You are not protecting us, you are only restricting us, and the sooner you find out that you are just treating us like he did-”

The hair on the back of her neck raised, sensing the hit a moment before it came, but by then it was too late to dodge, even with her quick reflexes.

Kai’s hand shoved into her chest, and she hit the ground hard. She gasped, more from shock than pain, and then her brother was darting past her, out the door.

She gazed after him, dazed. She had experienced her fair share of fights with her brother, but he had never hit her before. It hadn’t hurt bad- she knew the raw strength he could pack, and that he had been holding back immensely, but it still- it still made her heart race.

“Nya!” Jay yelped, running over to her. “Are you alright?”

“I-I’m fine,” she breathed, her voice shaking hard. She swallowed, trying to force out the tremor.

This hadn’t changed anything. She wasn’t afraid of her brother. Just a bit shocked, that was all. He hadn’t meant to do it, he had just lashed out out of frustration. And, although she still believed she was in the right, she had provoked him a bit, if she was being honest.

He would never hurt her on purpose.

He… he would never do that.

He would never.

He…

“Nya?”

She blinked, realizing Jay was extending a hand to her. She took it, and let Jay pull her to her feet.

“Are you sure you’re okay? He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

“No!” she hissed fiercely, and Jay flinched. Gentler, she added, “I’m fine. Kai would never do that.”

Jay didn’t meet her gaze, only gripped her hand tighter.

“Where did he go?” she asked the others, after her breathing had returned to a somewhat normal state.

“Straight out the door,” Zane replied. “No one saw which way he went.”

Nya glanced around the room, stopping when she realized Kai wasn’t the only one missing. “Where’s Lloyd?”

Zane pointed quietly under one of their makeshift beds. A pair of red eyes glowed from underneath.

Nya crouched down, reaching her hand in. “We didn’t mean to scare you, Lloyd. Come on out, it’s alright now.”

Lloyd burrowed deeper under the bed. Nya sighed, giving up. She knew he would only come out when he was ready.

“Should I go after Kai?” Cole asked, frowning.

Zane shook his head. “I think it’s best to give him some space to blow off some steam.”

“I just hope he’s careful. If he’s too full of anger to pay attention to what he’s doing…”Jay’s tail drooped. “The last thing we need is for anyone to get spotted now.”

“We’re pretty far out here,” Cole assured him. “If we were closer to the city, I’d be worried, but Kai’d have to get pretty far to get anywhere within the distance I think the Borg employees would be searching.”

“I hope you’re right,” Nya sighed. “One day, his temper is going to get him- or one of us- into a situation he can’t get out of.”

---

The next couple days were incredibly tense. Kai came back a few hours later, not speaking to anyone and going straight to bed. He and Nya hardly spoke to each other, and when they did, their interactions were short and argumentative. The others were careful to stay out of it, not picking any sides. Kai had a feeling that they were pretty uncomfortable around him, though.

He hadn’t meant to hit Nya. She was his sister. Even though she was being stupid and sentimental, he still loved her and never would want to hurt her. But it wasn’t like he had seriously wounded her, either. It had just been a little scuffle. He knew that Nya knew that, and that she was only mad about the argument. The others, however… they were overreacting. He didn’t understand, after all their years together, how they could seriously think he would harm one of them.

That’s what the point of all of this was, wasn’t it? To protect them? Why couldn’t anyone else see that?

He was sick of all this. Sick of all the fighting, sick of struggling and hiding all the time. He just wished they could be normal.

Although Nya wanted anything but that, it seemed.

He understood what she was saying, in a sense- they were different. But was it really so bad to want to change who you were if it meant a life of peace and safety?

Kai just didn’t know anymore. He was tired of being the one who had to decide. He missed when they were younger, and Borg had made all the decisions for them.

Not that he wanted Borg to be in charge of them anymore- but the sentiment still stood.

But life had a way of being against them.

Wishes weren’t going to fix anything.

---

When the scheduled day for Lloyd’s venture into the town rolled around, the circumstances hadn’t improved much. They had originally planned for him and Nya to accompany Lloyd- a decision he was regretting now, with the tension still between them. He almost considered asking one of the others to take his place, but decided against it. He wanted to be there with Lloyd- he had been the one who had spent all the time training him, after all. And he didn’t dare ask Nya to change her mind about going- she would probably argue just for the sake of it, and it wasn’t worth the confrontation right now. Things were already bad enough as it was.

As they wrapped Lloyd up in his winter gear, he complied much more easily than usual, and three of them set out quietly.

“Where are we gonna go?” Kai asked Nya as they approached the bus stop.

“I was thinking we could go downtown, more towards where the little shops are. The people there are pretty nice, and it’s usually bustling, so it’ll be easy to blend in with the crowds.”

“How many stops down is that,” he frowned, fingering through the bills in his wallet.

Nya watched him anxiously. “Not too far. We can walk, if that’s better.”

“It’s fine.”

“Are you-” “I told you, it’s fine!” Nya jerked her gaze away sharply. “Excuse me for trying to be considerate, then.”

“Oh, don’t be like that. It’s too cold to walk.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “I can’t tell if you’re trying to be caring or not.”

Kai growled. “Me neither.”

Lloyd squirmed by their feet, and Nya sighed. “Can we not do this, now?” She pointed down the street, to where the bus was rolling up. “The bus is here, anyway.”

Kai told the bus driver where they wanted to go, slipping him the proper payment, and the three of them piled on, taking a spot near the back, even though the bus was mostly empty. Kai knew, from his previous trips, that it would get more crowded the closer they got to town, and sitting in the back meant not many people would be looking at them.

Lloyd stared out the window for most of the ride, his wide eyes taking in the landscape rolling past. Kai watched too, and as the bus drove them deeper into the city, he saw the shining buildings, with trees and patches of greenery dispersed in between them. With winter arriving, most of the trees were skeletal, but some still had a spattering of leaves, coming in bright golds, soft reds, and blazing oranges. It wasn’t something Kai got to see often in his lifetime, in person, at least. The changing of the fall leaves was a very finicky and brief time of the year in Ninjago City, and he had been lucky if one of his outside visits fell during this time.

Deeper into the city, the buildings thickened, rows of homes filing in orderly lines. Blues, olives, tans, grays, whites- each one had its own unique charm, but they all felt like they belonged.

One house in particular caught his eye, though- one that stood out from all the rest. Its walls were a bright red, and the lawn was wildly overgrown. Too many chairs were crammed onto the small porch, paint chipping on the door. It was an eyesore compared to the rest of the neighborhood.

Being too unique was problematic, he supposed.

By now, they were getting into the thick of the city. Beautiful buildings soared above them, colorful graffiti decorated walls and bridges. Most noticeable of all, however, were the people. A father with his daughter sitting on his shoulders, an elderly couple each holding a hand of their grandson as they swung him between them. A young couple walking down the street, chatting, with their hands casually intertwined, a group of teenage boys, laughing and racing each other down the street on their skateboards.

Everyone had one thing in common- they looked happy, content, at peace.

Kai hoped they appreciated what they had.

For the first time since they had boarded the bus, he glanced over at Nya. She was staring out the window too, but her gaze wasn’t directed at the scenery beyond, like his, but instead at Lloyd’s reflection in the glass.

The bus screeched to a halt, arriving at their stop, and the three of them hopped out, thanking the driver.

Walking down the street, they found themselves in a charming little section of town, the shops modest but plentiful. Nya was right, there was plenty of activity to help hide them. All the footsteps and voices around him swamped Kai’s ears, and he shook his head, trying to press them flatter against his head. This was only a milder section of the city, he was going to have to get used to all the sounds of the urban environment if they were going to adapt to this place.

Kai wondered how Lloyd would be affected by the environment- the young boy had proven himself to have a strong sense of hearing as well, and had never been a fan of being swarmed.

But either Lloyd’s hat was muffling his senses, or he was simply too enamored by the shops to care. With every shop they went in- from t-shirts, to souvenirs, antiques, jewelry, fabrics, and a bakery, Lloyd always seemed to find some little shiny trinket or another. They couldn’t buy him much, but Lloyd seemed perfectly content with just looking, already moving onto the next object of interest within a minute or two, anyway.

They did actually make a purchase at the confectionary, though, letting Lloyd pick out a piece of candy. He had gone with a rainbow lollipop, a purchase Kai was pleased with, because it would actually last him a while, giving him and Nya time to pick up a few more essentials before heading back to the warehouse.

Emphasis on few.

“We don’t really need the new jacket, I know we have a needle and thread I can use to patch it up on my own.”

“Yeah, well what about all those protein bars, do you really need all those?” Kai asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

“They’re a good source of nutrients!” “Yeah, and they’re expensive. There’s gotta be a generic brand one you can get for cheaper.”

“These are the only ones I can get Lloyd to eat.”

“Well, he’s going to have to learn to adapt to our budget-”

“Buy them with this!” Lloyd purred, slipping a stack of bills into his hand.

Kai and Nya froze, slowly turning to look at him.

“Lloyd,” he asked slowly, “where did you get this?”

“I found it.”

No duh, Kai bit back. “Found it where?”

“Someone left it. At the store.”

“Lloyd!” Nya cried, sounding close to hysterics. “You can’t just take people’s money! You can’t take any of people’s things without permission. That’s stealing!” “They left it there,” Lloyd grumbled, kicking his foot. “I thought they were done with it. They should be more careful with their things. I’m careful with my things.”

Kai snorted a laugh, and Nya stared at him incredulously. “You can’t seriously think this is funny? He stole!”

“Oh, come on, Nya, he didn’t do it on purpose.”

“It’s still a crime.”

“He’s four!” “Doesn’t mean you should encourage him.”

“I wasn’t. In case you’re forgetting, he was the one who took it, not me.”

“But you don’t care.”

“I never said that!” “I’m your sister, I can tell.”

“Alright, alright, so maybe I wouldn’t mind a little extra cash. So what? We need it. Probably more than whoever was foolish enough to lose this.” “Kai! I can’t believe you!” “What? It’s not like we even know where to take it! Lloyd,” he turned to the boy, his voice sharp. “Where did you find the money? Which store?”

Lloyd was looking significantly less cheerful now, his eyes wary as he took a step back from them. “I dunno. Can’t remember.”

“See?” Kai snapped at Nya. “We couldn’t return it if we wanted to!” “So you’re just going to pocket it?”

“Where else would you have me take it? Like I told you, we need it more than the rich, privileged people around here.” Blood was roaring in Kai’s ears now, his breath coming in heavy pants. Why was there so much noise buzzing in his ears? There were people, so many people, and all that noise, mixing with his frustration, was making his heart slam against his chest in a dizzying rage.

“Just because they have more than us doesn’t make it right.”

“It makes it understandable.”

“I can’t believe we’re back to this again!”

“Back to what?”

“You’re trying to change Lloyd’s behavior again! I told you it would escalate- in only a few days, you’ve gone from having him hide his goofball side, to make him think stealing is okay, just because we’re in a rough patch!”

“You think I want to do this? I know it’s wrong! But sometimes an opportunity presents itself, and you gotta do what you gotta do.”

“We can’t just throw our values and everything about ourselves out the window just because things are difficult right now, Kai.”

“We haven’t really been given much choice, have we? In another week or two, we’ll have gone completely bankrupt, then what are we gonna do, huh?”

Nya paused for a moment, her breath hitching. “We’ll… we’ll figure something out. But this isn’t the answer.”

“Oh yeah? Let me know when you find one.” Turning away from her, he slipped the cash into his pocket. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. He was starting to feel lightheaded, now. He needed to end this.

“Kai, please, the last thing we need is another charge on our backs.”

“Going back to the shop to return this- even if we knew which shop to go to- would only put more suspicion on our backs. If we keep it, no one will probably ever even notice it’s missing.”

“But they could have security footage-” Nya stopped dead, the color draining from her cheeks.

“What?”

“Where’s Lloyd?”

---

Lloyd was running.

Ducking and weaving between the people roaming the streets, he tried his best to avoid running into them, but once or twice, his hand brushed against them, and he flinched away, hating the way the unfamiliar touch felt on his skin.

There were too many people here. He hated this feeling, being crowded around on all sides, like he couldn’t breathe. He just wanted to get out of here.

That was pretty impossible, though, when he had no idea where he was.

He shouldn’t have run off. Kai and Nya were going to be furious.

But… he just hadn’t been able to take it anymore.

He had been so happy when he had first brought them the money. He had thought he was helping, and that now they would be able to get more stuff and stop looking so worried all the time. But it had only made them start fighting again. Their raised voices had rung loud in his ears, too loud, and their smoldering gazes had scared him. That hadn’t been Kai and Nya- the big siblings he knew and loved. That had been something different, something Lloyd didn’t like one bit.

He hated it, every time they fought- every time the ugly side of them came out. But this time had been so much worse, because this time it was his fault, it had been him who messed things up by taking something he wasn’t supposed to.

He had just wanted to make them proud.

But maybe they would be better off without him.

He just wanted things to be the way they used to be, back when no one had fought or yelled at each other, when everyone had been happy, hanging out in their fun little room, giving him badger rides and letting him pick whatever movie he wanted.

But that had also been the time when he had spent his nights locked up alone, when strange people in long coats and scary masks would poke and prod him, and he wanted nothing more but to see his family again, but Dr. Borg wouldn’t let him.

But that was the way things had always been, hadn’t they? There was no perfect world.

At least not for monsters, like Lloyd.

Lloyd stumbled, his head reeling. All these thoughts were a little too much to take in.

Glancing around, he spotted an alleyway leading off of the streets. The perfect opportunity to get away from all the noises and people and clear his head.

Nearly crying in relief, he slipped into the comfort of the darkness.

---

“He was just here!” “Oh no, he must’ve run off again! You know how upset he gets when we fight!”

“Shit,” Kai muttered, his bubbling anger quickly giving way to panic. “He must’ve gone to look for somewhere to hide.”

“Dammit, he could be anywhere by now,” Nya whimpered, pressing her fingers to her temples. “This is all our fault!”

His frustration with her dying, Kai put a hand on her shoulder. “Don’t worry, we’ll find him. He can’t have gotten far, I should be able to pick up his scent.”

Nya glanced around, surveying their surroundings. “Just try to be subtle about it. There are a lot of people here.”

It was harder to track Lloyd’s scent without getting down to the ground, and the many other crisscrossing scents in the area added to the complexity, but, luckily for them, Lloyd’s oni and dragon blood made for a distinctive tang that Kai was able to pick up on after only a minute, despite all the distractions.

They followed the trail for a few minutes, Nya hovering behind him anxiously as he went. After a while, Kai was starting to get worried he had somehow made a mistake, when they reached a busy market street.

Shaking his head, he pushed his way into the throng.

Immediately, he was overwhelmed with at least a dozen more scents, and he lost Lloyd’s for a moment. Desperately trying to pick it up again, Kai felt like he was floundering, all the scents and sounds making him stumble.

Nya grabbed his shoulder, steadying him. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m… fine, it’s just… there’s a lot of people here.” He put a hand on his head. “It’s a lot.”

“Can you still smell Lloyd?”

“I don’t know.”

Nya turned to a shopping bag she was holding, rummaging through it until she found what she was looking for and pulled it out. Popping the cap, she handed him the bottle of water. “Here. This might help.”

Downing a few sips of the cold, fresh, liquid, Kai felt his heart rate slow slightly, the fog in his brain dissipating a bit. “Thanks, Nya.”

Turning back to his surroundings, he searched for Lloyd’s scent again. This time, he caught it rather quickly, and the two of them hurried down the street a little ways, until it led to a dark alleyway.

Kai slowed his pace, his steps wary. “Lloyd? Are you here?”

There was silence, for a moment, then a soft whimper replied him. Kai froze. “Lloyd?”

Nya pushed in front of him, and Kai caught sight of his sister’s pupils dilating to her night vision.

“See anything?”

Nya didn’t respond, and Kai blinked rapidly, urging his eyes to adjust to the dim lighting. When he could finally see better, he looked over at her. Nya was standing frozen, her face white, as she stared down the alley.

Kai followed her gaze, and promptly felt his stomach lurch.

Although he couldn’t see nearly as well as Nya in the dark setting, it was well enough to identify the figure curled up in the back of the alley as Lloyd, pale and quivering as he grimaced at his leg, stretched out at an ugly looking angle, all twisted and bloody.

“Lloyd!” Nya screamed, running towards him as Kai gagged, trying hard not to puke at the scene. He tried to shake action back into his limbs, beginning to follow Nya where she was crouched over at Lloyd’s side, crying softly-

Kai froze, scenting the air. The overwhelming reek of blood and pain filled his nose, and he was still left muddled from the chaos of the busy market a moment ago, but…

Over all of that, he swore he could smell something else, something that seemed important.

“Nya, do you… do you smell that?”

“What?” Nya choked, wiping at her eyes. “Kai, he’s… it’s bad, come help me!” Kai was about to abandon the mysterious scent, when all of a sudden, it clicked.

Cold dread trickled down his spine. “Nya, look out, it’s-”

His words were cut off as something slammed against him, sending him to the ground, winded. Nets were thrown over him, and he felt strong yanks on his arms and legs as sharp rope dug into his wrists and ankles.

Blinding panic crashed through him as the full implication of what was happening hit him. No, no no, he couldn’t get captured, he couldn’t be brought back there, Lloyd couldn’t be brought back there, they would-

Kai threw back his head and roared as loudly as he could, hoping that someone, anyone would hear and come save him-

Sharp metal clashed against his jaw, sending spikes of agony through him as something was wrestled around his head. He tried to cry out again, but realized that he couldn’t move his mouth anymore, the metal device jamming it shut.

He could hear Nya’s screams from somewhere behind him, which abruptly cut off as she met his same fate. Muzzles, he realized with horror, the image of Lloyd, chained in that little room on that day they had first escaped flashing through his head.

Borg had found them. And now they were going to pay.

[olivinesea]

A Mixed Blessing

Chapter List

chapter eight: starting to rust

a/n: Just barely coming in at under a month, oops. I think I’m going to take a break from this one for now, it seems to be a little too much while my thoughts are occupied with school things. When I planned this all out originally, this chapter was a possible ending point but then I got ambitious and there’s quite a bit more plotted out after this. But it might be a while before I come back to it, we’ll see. Anyway, thanks for coming along for all the torture, I know it wasn’t a pleasant time but the hurt can be nice occasionally? I’ll try to write something a little kinder in the future. Warnings for all the same things —substances, abuse, some very dark thoughts and themes. ~5.7k

Aaron tries to keep it all together but the world is indifferent.

He tried to stay away, he really did. As if he could see into the future, he could imagine how quickly he would tarnish her smile, could picture it fading right in front of him. He had nightmares where Haley sat, unresponsive and slowly dissolving. But she was insistent, seeking him out, towing him along with her through her day. She’d find him at lunch and push half a sandwich at him once she realized he hadn’t brought anything to eat. Brought him along after school to loiter in the sun with the other theater kids killing time between the end of class and the start of rehearsals, loudly asserting their presence on the world. Aaron hung back, uncomfortable around such casual chaos, everyone moving too fast, speaking too loudly. Compared to his world, Haley’s life was bright, unrestrained, and viscerally present. He didn’t fit there. He stuck out in his silence, dressed in his dark clothes, still too big on him though he was finally starting to grow.

The other kids eyed him suspiciously, muttering quietly about him when they thought he couldn’t hear. Only Haley’s position at the top of whatever social apparatus they operated by kept them from outright excluding him. He didn’t mind too much, he’d heard worse, what did he care what these kids thought of him anyway? What did they know with their golden lives, their excitement, their expectations for the future? Haley’s people believed that the world was for them, would provide what they wanted when they wanted. He found it odd, watching them as they screeched and tackled each other, a blur of color so jarring he had to squint.

He could feel how his difference was noted, their eyes making the back of his neck itch. More than once he tried to disappear but every time Haley slipped her hand into his, squeezing gently, pulling him back toward the group. She’d smile, encouraging, her belief that it would all work out, that he could assimilate given enough time, was unwavering. Her optimism baffled him, sometimes even irritated him. He would inevitably feel guilty about that. Surely it was ungrateful for him to find fault in this girl who had welcomed him when there was absolutely no need for her to do so.

Not everyone was tolerant of Aaron’s presence. The drama teacher regarded him with suspicion, allowing him to stay but making it clear that she was doing him a favor. It helped that he was able to sing, shoring up the weak lower register of the female dominated cast. He was given a minor role, nothing too complicated, nothing that would embarrass them if he failed, as she assumed he would. Some of the other kids caught on to this disapproval, emboldened by it they became less subtle in the ways that they mocked him. Aaron tried to mind his own business, even skipping out on rehearsals when the attention became too much. But Haley inevitably found him, running to catch him after school as he tried to escape out a side door. She dragged him back again and again, refusing to give up on him. Insisting she had seen something special, something she thought she could coax out if given enough time—like a stray dog, so used to mistreatment that he bristled when people came near but still craved affection.

He followed reluctantly, acutely conscious of the growing dislike, mutiny thickening the air. Everything was too sharp these days, he’d lost his sources for getting high. All he had were his cigarettes, too afraid to steal alcohol from his father. He desperately wanted to go back into the woods, to fall back under the quiet spell of muffled words about nothing, watching the light filter through the branches, sparkling as the leaves moved with the breeze. He hated it here, in the building, surrounded by these people with their constant need to be heard, each louder than the last. The smells of the theater, new paint and old fabrics and so much dust made it hard to breath. The too bright lights, unnaturally hot against his skin, and the way every sound echoed made his head ache. He’d be long gone if it wasn’t for the way Haley’s touch made his heart skip, her fingers lightly brushing across his arm to get his attention. Or the way she looped her arm through his as she caught him in the hallway and insisted on walking with him to class, leading him along her sheltered path.

Aaron wondered at the lightness of her head rested against his shoulder as they sat in the grass, sticking her tongue out at something stupid another kid said, then smiling when she heard his smothered laughter. He let his attention drift, eyes wandering until he saw a group in the distance. He watched as they moved away from school, easily guessing where they were headed. He felt a pang of longing as he watched them leave, wishing he could still be part of that. He wasn’t sure he had been happy with Cole but he had at least felt like he was in the right place, like he had found someone who understood him. No one here was like him, no one less so than Haley. He was attracted to her in a different way, fascinated at how she viewed the world and how the world viewed her. He’d never known anyone who moved so easily through life, who was loved and desired by everyone she met. He couldn’t begin to imagine what that felt like though he agreed with the rest of them, she was something special. He didn’t understand why she wanted him around but he wasn’t going to contradict her. Still, he wished to be gone with the group as they sought out unobserved spaces.

“Aaron?” Haley squeezed his knee, drawing his attention back.

“Hmm?” He had no idea what she had been saying.

“Do you want to come to Mike’s house after rehearsal tonight? His parents are out of town.”

Aaron looked dubiously across the group at Mike, someone who was clear in his dislike of Aaron.

“Please?”

Aaron shrugged a shoulder, shifting uncomfortably and causing Haley to sit up.

“It’ll be fun. And it’ll be good for you to get to know everyone a little better. You’re so quiet all the time.”

“I don’t think he likes me very much,” Aaron murmured, watching as Mike narrowed his eyes in their direction.

“Don’t be silly,” she said as she hopped up. “C’mon, let’s go inside, it’s almost time.”

He looked up at her, now standing above him. Their eyes met and she smiled. She was pleased with how much he’d been softening. It had only been a few weeks and already he seemed more comfortable, at least with her. She congratulated herself a little, privately, on her success. People had gone out of their way to warn her when she started hanging out with him, bringing him places with her. He was bad, he was dangerous, he would hurt her. But she knew, had known from that first time she saw him looking at her, he wouldn’t hurt her, not ever. He wasn’t so complicated, she reasoned, they were all just scared away by his dark features, his perpetual scowl, the whispered rumors about his family. She, Haley Brooks, was better than that, deeper and more sympathetic. He wouldn’t be the first broken creature she’d healed, but he would be her biggest project yet. She didn’t imagine it could be that hard. Everyone was always happier around her, she could fix this.

He sighed, shaking his head and stood up. Sometimes he could see her watching him and he wasn’t sure he liked the look on her face. Like she was assessing him, marking his progress along some scale she had in her mind. Noting when he ate, when he was rested, when he laughed. He felt a little bit like an animal in a laboratory. But then she would smile at him and he forgot all his hesitation, forgot how he disliked being watched, how much he hated people thinking they knew what he needed. No one had ever cared like her before and he wasn’t sure what she expected in return. But he let himself forget all that and follow her where she led for another chance at that smile, another chance to hear her say his name, sounding so different coming from her lips that it might be a different name entirely.

One of her friends, already halfway back to the building, called Haley’s name and she skipped over to her, confident that Aaron would follow. He watched her go before turning back to pick up his backpack. When he straightened up, Mike was standing very close to him. Aaron wondered at how he’d moved so quickly.

“I hope you don’t think you’re coming to my house, loser.”

Aaron stared at him, debating what to do. He didn’t particularly want to go to this party, he’d really prefer not to go. But Haley had invited him and he didn’t like the way this guy was always looking at her possessively, then looking at Aaron like he’d like to strangle him. Not exactly subtle.

Mike stepped in closer. “Did you hear me? Or are you too high?” He turned to his friends and forced a laugh, “Maybe you shouldn’t have fried your brain with your little homo boyfriend.”

Aaron didn’t think, he just reacted, fist swinging up and punching the other boy in the jaw. He stumbled back, holding a hand to his face, eyes frozen wide in shock. Aaron didn’t pause, only advanced on him, swinging again. It felt good, the anger that was always simmering in his chest, the anger he only barely distracted himself from, finally had an outlet. It probably wasn’t a fair fight, Mike had been expecting Aaron to quietly take the insults as he’d been doing, pretending to ignore them as they needled him whenever Haley was out of earshot. But this insult was too far. More of a mean jab in the dark than an actual accusation, his words had hit a nerve and unlocked a force within Aaron.

Once he landed the first punch, his vision clouded over with anger and he continued to swing at the other kid. The other boys quickly jumped in, once the surprise of seeing Aaron actually fight back wore off, once they realized he meant to do real harm to their friend. He already had Mike pinned on the ground, lip bleeding, hands covering his face, before two more of his friends managed to drag Aaron off. He swung at them too, no technique but plenty of experience on the receiving end. He knew what would hurt and he had enough rage to power him through a dozen opponents. One of the others pulled him off balance, using his grip on Aaron’s wrist to fling him to the side. They blocked his path to Mike, who was scrambling backward on the grass, putting more distance between himself and this suddenly rabid opponent. Breathing hard, Aaron glared at the group, realizing he didn’t have enough strength to overpower them all, despite his murderous desire. He spit in their direction, then grabbed his bag and stalked away.

He didn’t have to think about where he was going. There was only one place to go. He’d tried to be a part of the regular world, a part of a world where time continued evenly, where lights turned on when it was dark and spotlights burned brightest on those with merit. He’d tried to fit himself into that space for Haley’s sake but he had only been fooling himself. They’d known he didn’t belong and he’d finally overstayed his welcome. It was time for him to retreat to the unlit corners of the world, return to the margins of society where people could avert their eyes, where it was easier for them to pretend they didn’t see the wrongness of the boy in front of them. He’d go back to the place in the woods and hope there was someone there that could give him what he wanted, could help him disconnect from this too bright reality. He was as sick of it as they were of him. He allowed himself a brief flicker of hope that he might find Cole out there, with his understanding and their shared history he didn’t have to think about his walls so much. But he stomped down hard on that desire, reminding himself how he had still ended up alone. No, it didn’t need to be Cole, it didn’t need to be anyone in particular, as long as they had something to get him high he didn’t care. It wouldn’t matter for very long anyway.

He crashed across the grass, his anger making his steps heavier, his thoughts louder. He didn’t realize he was being followed, that someone was calling his name. He didn’t notice until there was a hand tugging at the elbow of his jacket. He spun around fast, ready to fight. Haley shrank back at the anger in his face, the wildness in his eyes. He clenched his fists when he recognized her, trying and failing to pull back the storm of emotion that had been knocked loose. He never wanted to scare her but she was following where she didn’t belong. He only had so much control.

“Go away.”

“Are you hurt? Where are you going? Why’d you attack—”

She didn’t even have the question fully formed before he turned and started walking again, unwilling to be accused of something that wasn’t remotely his fault. He didn’t like the way it stung him, hearing that she assumed his guilt. He didn’t like that he’d let her get so close, let her have such influence over him. She ran a little to get ahead of him, taking a deep breath to steady herself. She was frightened by his fury, but she wouldn’t let him go this easily. Not after she’d spent so many hours persuading him to join her world.

“Aaron.”

He stopped short when he heard his name, looked at her with some of his anger melting into sadness, feeling betrayed even though he knew he had no one to blame but himself.

“I didn’t start it,” he could barely get the words out, hated how much he wanted her to believe him, hated that he had to explain himself.

She rubbed her face, trying to think as she pressed her palm against her lips. She found she was more frightened of this new emotion than she was of the anger. He looked so hopeless.

“I’m sorry, I just…” she didn’t know what to say now that she’d gotten him to stop, now that she could see past the heated front of anger and could see some of the broken edges he did so much to hide. Wasn’t this what she’d been asking for?

He watched her struggle with what to say, saw the moment the pity started to creep into her eyes. Before she could say anything else, before she could make him feel worse, he started walking again, pushing past her. “Just leave me alone,” he muttered. He didn’t bother to check if she followed.

When he reached the clearing it was empty except for one person stretched out on a broken down couch. At first all he could see was the back of their head, the dirty blond hair sticking up in places. The recognition was a visceral feeling, clawing through his chest. He almost couldn’t believe it was real, that he was getting exactly what he hoped for. Cole sat up when he heard Aaron’s heavy footsteps cracking through the dead leaves and sticks littering the ground. He remained seated, looking at Aaron idly, as if no time had passed, as if he’d only been waiting for Aaron to turn up after class. Aaron felt so many conflicting emotions, had so many things he wanted to say that he could only stand with his jaw clenched against the flood of words he knew he would regret. Cole twitched the corner of his mouth in a slightly mocking smile and Aaron snapped. He grabbed Cole by the collar, pulling him to his feet, unsure whether he meant to strangle him or kiss him. Cole’s gaze shifted to look behind him.

“Why’d you bring your girlfriend with you?”

Too caught up in the charge of the moment, Aaron didn’t understand what he was talking about. Cole pulled away and lifted his chin in the direction he was facing. Aaron turned and saw Haley. She’d continued to follow him, concerned about what he was planning on doing, haunted by the hollowed out look in his eyes. She stood, apprehensive, eyes darting between the two.

He scowled. “Go back to school Haley.”

“But—are you okay?” She stumbled over her words, staring openly at Cole. She’d seen him in the distance, even noticed how Aaron sometimes watched him when their paths crossed. He looked even more menacing up close.

“I’m fine.” His mouth pressed together, biting his lower lip to keep his composure. He didn’t understand why she was being so persistent, why she wouldn’t just go away like everyone else. When she still hesitated he got impatient. There were things he needed to handle and he didn’t need her here getting in the way. He waved his hand at her, brushing away her attention. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

From behind him Cole fluttered his fingers at her with false sweetness. She hated the way he was grinning at her, his obvious confidence that he was the one in charge of the situation. She glared at him and he laughed.

She looked one more time at Aaron, who was no longer paying attention to her, had turned back to Cole entirely. She shook her head. Fine, if he wanted this it was hardly her problem.  What did she even know of his life anyway? Trying not to feel like she’d lost, she retraced the path back to school.

As soon as she was out of earshot, Aaron started in on Cole. His thoughts were disorganized and barely coherent but he’d spent weeks trying to understand the sudden distance. He needed Cole to explain, to know his reasons for turning on him so quickly after all that they’d shared.

“What the fuck—” He hadn’t finished his question before Cole clamped his hand over his mouth.

“Shut up.”

Their eyes met and there was a mental struggle for the upper hand. One thing that had changed in the past few weeks was Aaron’s strength. No longer constantly submerged in a haze of intoxication, he felt everything more pointedly and he was ready to direct that pain elsewhere. He wanted to bite Cole, to scratch at his face, to scream at him for way he’d been abandoned, the sickness and shame he’d had to endure on his own. But the warmth of Cole’s palm, the familiar smell of his skin, the muscle memory of being in this exact position was too much. He relented almost instantly, sinking into the couch, pulling his knees up against his chest and waiting to see what Cole would do next.

Cole watched him thoughtfully, interested by this new spark of resistance but also pleased that he hadn’t made it too far on his own. A little fight kept things interesting, staved off the boredom Cole so often felt. It was probably that girl he’d been with, giving him ideas. He could see he’d have to do some damage control to bring Aaron back completely.

“I’m sorry,” he looked down, measuring drops of sincerity. “My grandma, she saw…she said she was going to report you.”

Aaron was confused, he didn’t know exactly what she could report about him but he heard the edge in Cole’s voice, knew better than to dig deeper. Cole sat down beside him, pulling one of his hands loose from where he’d wrapped it tightly around his legs. He traced Aaron’s palm with his thumb, looking into his face again.

“You know I didn’t mean it right? I didn’t have a choice.”

Aaron recoiled, sickened by the number of times those words had echoed through his life. Worse though was how easily he was willing to give into them if it only meant he could have back a little of that warmth he had found. He ducked his head and shrugged.

Cole squeezed his hand. “Good, cause I think I’ve got something you’ll like.” He let go and dug around in the couch cushions, pulling out a crumpled paper bag. When he smiled at Aaron, that familiar greedy smile, Aaron admitted to himself that he wasn’t here to fight with Cole, that he had never been coming for that. This was all he wanted, was all he was good for: to be lied to and to be led astray. He didn’t mind as long as he didn’t have to be fully present for it. He sat up a little straighter.

“Alright, let’s do it.”

They fell back in with one another but it remained uneasy. Aaron was still not allowed back at Cole’s house and he was afraid to miss too much class. Lately his father had been grumbling about sending him away and he wasn’t entirely sure he meant away to live somewhere else or away from life entirely. There were no peaceful interactions between them, only lucky days where Aaron successfully avoided being seen. A sudden increase in truancy calls would not work out well for him. If he had been a little more mature, a little less caught up in his own teenage drama, he might have noticed the changes in his father’s face, the way the lines grew deeper as his frame grew thinner. As it was he only noticed as much as he needed to know to keep himself out of the direct path of destruction. He once might have cared to notice his mother crying more, even when his father wasn’t there to be the cause of it but he was long past feeling any sort of connection to her. If she was troubled, she could find someone else to support her. She certainly hadn’t done anything to help him all these years. Nothing that he could see.

At school Haley continued to pester him. She stood up for him against the accusations that he had attacked Matt for no reason so he was still allowed at play rehearsals. He went grudgingly, only because he couldn’t shake the way he felt bewitched by Haley. Now he tried even harder to stay out of any social situations, to keep things strictly professional with the group of theater kids. However, he couldn’t help but enjoy Haley’s company at lunch and in between classes. Much as Aaron had disliked her friends, he couldn’t resist the brilliance of her personality. She made him feel like being a whole person was possible, made him forget for a few moments what he really was. She may have made him a little uncomfortable but she was relentlessly kind, and he was more than expert at keeping things hidden so he let her think she was doing some good as she badgered him into eating more and forced him to study. Even if it was only pretend, they were both getting something from it.

Only after the school day was over would he would slink away to the woods where he’d meet Cole. Cole still wasn’t speaking to him on campus, too aware of how their obvious closeness before had been risky. He hadn’t changed in their time apart either, his mood still swinging wildly from affection to disgust. It didn’t feel great but Aaron needed him, needed what Cole could give him. Attention and a steady supply of drugs. He didn’t have to worry about his insufficiencies around Cole, they were too similar for him to care about hiding the difficult parts of his life, didn’t have to worry about being pitied, about someone trying to fix him. They’d dragged more furniture into the abandoned shed, found an old metal trashcan they could burn things in to warm the place as the months crept deeper into the dark end of the year.

By the time Aaron’s sixteenth birthday came and went he felt like he was leading a completely fractured life. At home he was a ghost at best, a target when not; with Haley a treasured curiosity, constantly examined and prodded into a more acceptable shape; and with Cole, he was himself, angry and violent but self-medicated to the point where none of it mattered. Any gentleness that had existed between them over the summer was gone, every interaction was rough and scrambling, followed by a shame that only dissipated once the high kicked in.

It became harder to hold all the pieces together. He would look at himself in the mirror and struggle to remember his own name. He started smoking pot during the day again, just to ease some of the jarring transitions. At lunch, Haley talked and talked and he wouldn’t notice when she asked him a question until she poked him in the bicep and he jumped like a startled cat. When she tried to ask him about it he got annoyed, snapping at her and walking away from school, not caring that it was the middle of the day and that this bad choice was sure to come back to him that evening.

The show opening got closer as he missed more rehearsals. He missed so many that he didn’t know what he should be doing when he was there, very obviously sticking out when he went one way while the rest of the corps moved in the other direction. The drama teacher pulled him aside, giving him an ultimatum that he needed to be present at every subsequent rehearsal or he would be cut. Not so secretly hoping this would be enough to get him to leave. He started to say he didn’t give a shit about her stupid play when he saw Haley anxiously watching their conversation and swallowed his insults, only nodding, looking away so the teacher wouldn’t see his contempt for someone who could think something like a high school play mattered at all.

He made it to all the rehearsals but he was sure to be high, not enough that he would be caught but enough to be clear that it didn’t matter to him if he did. He wasn’t sure why he continued to come, why Haley had such a pull on him. It didn’t make sense that he wanted so badly to make her happy when she was so different, so far removed from everything else in his life. Maybe it was that he knew that without her, there was nothing tying him to the regular world, the place of school and society and jobs and futures. She was the only person that seemed to care if he was around, an emotion he was long past feeling for himself. She was the last reminder that he was a human being, that he mattered to someone. It was the only thing standing between him and completely giving in to the destructive force that had been whispering promises of an easy solution to his problems.

It was just enough to keep him behaved around these people who hated him without knowing anything about him. They hated what he represented, hated the way he forced them to see that the world could be ugly and painful. They were offended that he dared to show himself among the normal people when he so clearly belonged to the underside. He kept quiet and kept close to Haley when he was at school, when he was in the theater. He wore the stupid costume, the silly hat, followed the directions barked at him, sang just loud enough to carry the rest. Then he slipped away as soon as he was able.

The week of the opening performance was a bad one. Cole, having recently gotten his hands on some speed, was off on a manic high. Aaron had tried it once but hated the way the uppers spiked his anxiety, the way he felt every eye on him like his skin had turned inside out. After that first time he had declined, preferring to find oblivion in whatever downers were available. But Cole liked it quite a bit. It made his already unpredictable nature even worse, even more dangerous. He’d spend these highs running all over town, breaking car windows for fun, stealing anything worth a couple dollars. Aaron hated it and did his best to hide from him while he was strung out like that.

The afternoon of the show’s opening he’d gone to an old, private hiding spot after school with the intention of getting so stoned he couldn’t feel anything that might come his way later. He succeeded only to remember belatedly what day it was. Haley had tried to remind him several times during the day but he’d been too high, too distracted to listen. Swearing, he ran back to school, not sure what time it was or what time he was supposed to have been there.

The house lights were already off, the audience quiet as the opening bars played. He raced to get into his costume, having to re-button his shirt more than once as the tiny objects refused to line up properly. He gripped his hat as he stumbled into the wings to the sound of the chorus coming in—the chorus he was supposed to be a part of. He thought he could probably just slide onto the end of the line without attracting too much attention. Unfortunately, he found his path blocked by the drama teacher, her face dark and angry, completely out of patience for this mess of a teenager. She stared at him, his eyes red and glassy, skin pale, insultingly obvious in his intoxication.

“No.”

He looked at her unfazed, barely registering her as more than an object to move around. When he tried to step past her, she blocked him again.

“Go home Aaron,” her voice was quiet but unfriendly.

He shook his head, “I’m going to miss my cue.”

She frowned, surprised that he was aware enough to even know when his part was. “You’re high, you can’t be on school property.”

Aaron glanced into her face now, paying attention. No teacher had ever mentioned being able to tell he was not sober before.

“If you don’t leave now, I will call the police.”

He stepped back, narrowing his eyes, gauging how serious she was, if she would really draw that much attention to the situation. Her expression didn’t change and he could tell she meant it. He looked past her once more, seeing Haley step forward into the spotlight to begin her solo. His heart twisted, thinking about how disappointed she’d be that he couldn’t make this happen for her. He’d tried, tried so hard to keep it together for this. She’d been so excited and even though he couldn’t feel any of that, he liked the way it lit up her face when she talked about the performance, about how her parents and her sister would be in the audience, about how she wanted them to meet him. He’d never planned on staying for that but he’d wanted to at least be part of the show, to at least give her that.

“Now, Hotchner,” she insisted, voice cold and unsympathetic. He shrugged and tossed the hat on the ground by her feet before turning and walking out.

He headed straight for the shed, knowing there were supplies there that he had slowly siphoned away when Cole was too high to notice. He’d been saving them, watching his little stockpile grow larger. He wasn’t sure exactly what he was saving it for, exactly what his intention was but now seemed as good a time as any to find out. He hoped Cole wasn’t there, at least not until he could get his fix. Nothing would matter then.

Once inside he turned on the camp lantern he’d stolen and climbed onto a rickety chair to reach the seam between the roof and the wall. He pulled out his supplies, examining them as he settled back down on the dirty old cushions on the floor and wrapped a blanket around himself. It was an old army surplus thing, scratchy and smelling of smoke but effective against the chill. He considered his options. There was a good amount in there, probably enough for two people if he waited for Cole to turn up. He could maybe ease him out of his frenzy, bring him down to Aaron’s level, to the place where they could float through time without moving, without worrying. He thought about the last time he’d seen him, the way his eyes had moved past him without any real recognition. He thought about the dark purple bruises on his wrist where Cole had grabbed him, twisting his arm and insisting Aaron give him whatever money he had.

Fuck him, he decided.

Cole would probably be angry if he came here and found Aaron high without him, would be suspicious of how that had come to be. He would probably regret not leaving any for him but just at that moment he didn’t care. Hurt and love and shame and desire were all the same to him, all more than he wanted to feel. He just wanted to feel nothing. He set himself up quickly, well practiced and sure of his movements. He glanced around the shed once, really seeing his surroundings, seeing how far he had sunk and he laughed as he pressed the plunger down. Anyone who heard him would have been alarmed, the sound more like an animal caught in a trap than an expression of human joy. His last thought as he sank back into the ground was that it really was too much for one person. Too much to be doing alone. Then he got what he wanted and everything was just black.

[morganaseren]

OC Introduction

Tagged by: @illusivesoul Thanks! Sorry this took so long!

Tagging: @this-is-something-idk-what, @noeldressari, @alessandramortt, @theherowarden, @jellydishes​ As per usual, I can never figure out who has or hasn’t been tagged by this. No pressure if you don’t want to participate though! Below is the template you can use.

My answers will be under the Read More.

---

Fandom:

Role:

BASICS

Full Name:

Nickname(s):

Pronouns:

Sexuality:

Occupation and Titles:

Birthday & Age:

Physical description:

Clothing style:

BACKGROUND

COMBAT & SKILLS

Preferred fighting style:

Special skills:

RELATIONSHIPS

Family:

Love interest:

Best friends:

PERSONALITY

Positive traits:

Negative traits:

Likes:

Dislikes:

Fears:

Guilty Pleasure:

Hobbies:

Fandom: Dragon Age

Role: Inquisitor

BASICS

Full Name: Niamh (pronounced “Neev”) Cousland

Nickname(s): Neevy (from Sera), Brat (from Leliana lolol), Storm Pup (mostly from her late mother’s side of the family)

Pronouns: She/Her

Sexuality: Lesbian

Occupation and Titles: Niamh is the leader of the Inquisition forces and is also hailed as the Herald of Andraste. Although all her rights to the Cousland estate along with any titles associated with it were forfeited the moment her magic manifested, her ties to her family name are still recognized and vice versa--perhaps especially so now with her being Inquisitor. Thus, in accordance to an older tradition from her late mother’s family, she is also titled the Storm Wolf of Highever per her brother Teyrn Fergus Cousland.

Birthday & Age: Niamh was born on the 3rd of Cloudreach in 9:08 Dragon, so she’s 33 as of Inquisition and 36 as of the Trespasser DLC.

Physical description: She’s a woman of middling height (5′6″ or 168cm). Niamh’s hair is pitch-black, which settles asymmetrically around her face with a longer fringe covering one of her eyes--a pale, misty-grey hue. Physique-wise, she’s full of wiry muscle, especially along her arms, shoulders, and back--testament to years of heavy staffwork.

Clothing style: This is more dependent on what setting she finds herself in. Around Skyhold or in more official circumstances, she tends to garb herself in formal wear such as the one seen below.

When she’s out and about on missions, her attire consists more of cloth and leather as depicted in the screenshot above. As a native Fereldan, she has a tendency to favor fur in her overall field outfit, which is evident in the black Great Bear fur seen along the spaulders atop her shoulders. Then, as an occasional artist, her sketchbook is ever present, constantly hanging from her belt as she draws flora, fauna, and anything of interest in her travels to properly document later. Littered amongst the sketches are also occasional plans for whatever project she’d like to work on back at Skyhold.

Art and crafting is ever her way of relaxing.

Despite being an artist, her color palette in terms of clothing remains relatively simple even if the cut of them are always finely-tailored. She favors darker colors overall with white and varying shades of grey. Occasionally, a splash of color is thrown in every now and again for visual emphasis.

For instance, the red scarf you see on her is a gift from Bethany Hawke. ;3

BACKGROUND

Niamh is the youngest child of Bryce and Eleanor Cousland.

She was born beneath a violent storm that only settled as her newborn cries filled the world--a telltale sign perhaps of the destiny that would later be laid out before her.

She was taken away to Ferelden’s Circle when her magic manifested at the age of four. Niamh was the youngest to enter Kinloch Hold that year, and she was inconsolable for several months as she struggled to adapt to her new surroundings and the many strangers that were meant to be her new family of sorts.

Of all the mages present, she was closest to Jowan since he was only a year or two older than her, and the then young boy was responsible for drawing her out of her sullen shell--enough to where she could finally be comfortable with interacting with others after months of frightened silence. The two children did everything together and were otherwise inseparable. Unfortunately, their relationship would later become strained as they entered into adolescence, especially as Niamh grew into her magical abilities and surpassed him entirely in power, astounding the likes of First Enchanter Irving and Wynne--both whom became her respective mentors--with her command over the elements. 

Niamh was able to successfully undertake the Harrowing at the age of seventeen, earning the right to be recognized as a full-fledged mage. She was never designated an Enchanter throughout her time in the Circle, for she had no personal apprentices of her own. The few new ones to arrive at the Tower were assigned to those who had passed the Harrowing before her, but she was content to help them and the Senior Enchanters however she could. Her kindness, patience, and calm diligence earned her easy friendships.

...or at least she thought so until some of her colleagues turned on her with Uldred’s coup following the onset of the Blight.

Caught between blood mages and Templars who believed she had a hand in Uldred’s machinations, she likely would have succumbed to either party eventually had her sister Saoirse--now a Grey Warden--not arrived to help cleanse the Tower of abominations and save First Enchanter Irving and the remaining Senior Enchanters.

For her efforts in saving them, Niamh was allowed to accompany her sister on her travels across Ferelden along with Wynne. She formed a fast friendship with Leliana early on, and it eventually led to heavy infatuation on Niamh’s end, but it stuttered to an abrupt halt when she realized her sister was also in love with the bard. Believing that she had nothing of worth to offer to Leliana as a mere mage, Niamh buried her feelings for the other woman, watching from afar as she fell for Saoirse.

Saoirse was as bold as all great heroes could ever hope to be, and so she was well-suited for Leliana, but it was Niamh who tempered much of her sister’s impulsiveness, especially when it came to matters of diplomacy.

---

"Can't we just--"

"No." Niamh just kept her gaze forward as they walked out of the Deep Roads, refusing to look at her sister.

"But it's a good idea!" Saoirse insisted earnestly.

"Saoirse, in no world where you throw the crown at the two candidates for Orzammar's throne and expect the least most concussed to be King can ever be considered a 'good idea,'" Niamh deadpanned.

---

Yet, for all her brilliance with tactics and matters of negotiation, Niamh was unable to convince Saoirse to allow Morrigan to use her Dark Ritual despite knowing it would have saved any of the Grey Wardens from being sacrificed. Worse, her sister made her promise not to tell Leliana of Saoirse’s own plans to slay the Archdemon in the final battle.

As expected, it resulted in Saoirse’s death.

Racked with guilt over never telling Leliana the truth of the matter, and believing she had been left the last of the Couslands--a mage that Thedas would have never recognized--she disappeared following the end of the Fifth Blight. Niamh placed herself in a self-imposed exile abroad for over a decade until news of a Conclave by Divine Justinia was brought to her attention. The Divine had hoped to bring together both sides of the Mage-Templar War and negotiate its end.

For Niamh, this led her to return to Ferelden. It was her last hope to see if the world could finally begin to change for the better.

Instead, she was given a far different destiny...

COMBAT & SKILLS

Preferred fighting style: She prefers keeping herself at range on the battlefield, for it allows her to better survey it. She sees everything like an intricate chess game, and she always tries to place herself and her team at the best advantage to overcome their opponents.

As a mage, Niamh incorporates a lot of staffwork in her fighting, especially when it comes to casting magic. However, when she was living abroad, she had to learn to adjust her fighting style altogether so that she would never be suspected of being a mage. As such, she taught herself to fight with spears and polearms, as they were still similar enough to normal staff-fighting that it wouldn’t require a completely new foundation with which to work from.

Because the new style of fighting required her to be within relatively close quarters of her enemies, she learned to try and limit the time of the engagement with them as much as possible with quick, brutal strikes. That methodology happens regardless of how many opponents there are. A quick takedown means a much quicker escape after all. As a runaway apostate, she couldn’t risk leaving a trail of bodies behind her wherever she went.

Special skills: Niamh is specialized in all the elemental houses of magic although she favors lightning the most. During her time with the Inquisition, she also specialized in necromancy--much to the surprise of many.

RELATIONSHIPS

Family: Of the renowned Couslands, only she and her older brother Fergus remain, but despite their years apart(she honestly didn’t know that he survived the Battle of Ostagar until she returned to Ferelden in 9:41), they remain loving and supportive as always toward one another. Of her late mother’s family, the Mac Eanraigs, she gets along well with them, especially her Aunt Eithne (who will be making her first official appearance in chapter 24 of OtSttCA).

Love interest: Leliana (although they won’t be an official couple until close to chapter 30 or so)

Best friends: Dorian, Sera, and Cole. She views the three of them like younger siblings, which was an admittedly odd feeling for her at first, given that she’s the youngest of her own siblings.

Of her other companions, she is also closest to Vivienne although Niamh sees her more like a fond, maternal figure than a best friend. She greatly respects how the older woman was able to take her status as a mage and turn it into a position of power within the Orlesian Imperial Court, especially when so very little of it was ever afforded to their people. When it comes to the mage allies she gathered from Redcliffe, she trusts Vivienne’s judgment in overseeing them along with the Knight-Enchanters Niamh requested of her back in chapter 13, especially since Niamh travels so much between missions. Then, when it comes to just about anything regarding Orlais, she goes to Vivienne as much as Leliana or Josephine, mostly wanting the insight of a mage in regards to the culture and politics seen there.

Then, of her War Council, Leliana and Josephine are her absolute favorites. Niamh and Leliana have so much history between them that it’s impossible to separate themselves from one another, and she appreciates Josephine’s sweet nature as well as her diplomatic acumen.

PERSONALITY

Positive traits: Her adaptability. There’s an almost... chameleon-like nature to Niamh at times. As such, she can acclimate herself to whatever her environment asks of her and find a way to thrive in spite of it all. She’s also quite intelligent. Ever the eternal student, she constantly looks to expand her wealth of knowledge. Had she not been born a mage, she likely would have done well as a scholar in the world of Thedas. Niamh is also benevolent, always seeking to place more kindness into the world rather than contributing to the bad already within it.

Negative traits: After years of being taught rather toxic, religious doctrine from the Chantry in regards to mages, Niamh has rather low self-esteem, especially when it comes to the subject of love. She doesn’t believe herself worthy of Leliana for instance. As brilliant as she is, her mind can be rather restless at times. This can lead to overthinking outside of any tactical or official setting, which tends to feed back on her latent anxiety as a leader. Then, having spent a decade constantly on the move, she’s not used to staying still for long periods of time, which lends itself to some trouble, especially if she’s injured. She is quite literally the worst patient ever. :P

Likes: Storms, the ocean, mabari, tea, strategy games, sweets, books, art

Dislikes: The Chantry, Templars, discriminatory behavior, incivility,

Fears: The Rite of Tranquility, outright failure as a leader

Guilty Pleasure: Niamh has the most terrible sweet tooth. If given half the chance, she’d get her entire day’s sustenance through sweets alone. She actually does like fashion; she just couldn’t allow herself to indulge in it since her nomadic lifestyle before joining the Inquisition didn’t permit such luxury. She’d happily window-shop the entire day away if given the opportunity.

Hobbies: Sketching, painting, crafting, reading, chess