#this was very fun and forced me out of my comfort zone by a HUGE margin so ty molly for the amazing bit of inspiration!

[heymacy]

for @deathclassic’s “draw this in your style” challenge! ✨

find the original here 💛

[cerise-on-top]

i just stumbled across your blog by chance and ohh my god i am in love with it 😻 you write my babygirl war criminals so good <3 anyway i can't stop thinking about how the 141 + graves would be with a fem!reader who has a huge and blindingly obvious crush on them :P BUT ALSO!!! she gets really bratty and annoying because she wants their attention like all the time 😔 anyway yeah ur blog is giving me life i hope both sides of ur pillow are always cold 🙏

Hello! I'm glad to hear you enjoy my silly writings! I try my best to write them as well as I can, thank you :> I'm sorry to say this, but I only write for four characters at once, so I left Graves out this time. But you're more than welcome to send the same request in again a second time with Graves, I don't mind!

TF141 with a Reader who Has a Huge Crush on Them

Price: This guy would know fairly quickly. He’s had a crush here and there as well when he was younger, so he knows how foolish some people can act when they have one. You walking into a pole as he talked to you, your irises as wide as possible, was kind of a dead giveaway. He’d be worried about you, asking you if you’re doing alright, but won’t push you. Price believes that you have a crush on him because he’s an authority figure, although he is also aware that he’s fairly good looking as well. Though, he won’t force you out of your comfort zone and use it against you either. You having stars in your eyes as you listen to him talk to you is sort of cute, though. It does remind him of his youth. Might become a bit more touchy with you as a result, lightly punching your shoulder or putting a hand on it and squeezing it. Nothing big, since he wholeheartedly believes your crush on him will wane eventually. However, as much as he likes you, he wouldn’t really be happy with you needing his attention on you all the time. He’s a captain, he has a lot of work and needs to do organizational things as well when he can, so he can’t really spend too much time with you. When he can, he will, but you will need to tone it down a bit as well. If you keep being a little brat, however, then he will call you out on it and tell you in a gentle tone to calm down a bit. He’s not going anywhere, he’s not taken, so you really have nothing to worry about. If you’re being especially good for him, he might reward you with a hug. It’s a good reward because he’s a very good hugger, very comfortable and strong, and he doesn’t just give his hugs out to anyone. But you need to behave.

Gaz: Will also notice fairly quickly that you’re crushing on him. In his case, the fact you would always be in a good mood whenever you were alone with him was what gave it away. However, he, too, is a sweetheart about it and won’t push you. He’ll give you a few more smiles than usual, give you a few more touches and try to spend more time with you. Many people have had a crush on him, so he’s fairly used to it by now, but it’s still very flattering. You’re cute when you’re stammering around him, leaning into his touch when he puts his hand on your forehead, checking you if you have a fever since you said your face felt hot. The way your irises turn into hearts whenever you look at him doesn’t go unnoticed by him either, it’s always fun to see. However, he might sometimes hold your hand intentionally to fluster you a bit. If you’re particularly close, he might kiss your cheek as well when you give him a gift to show your gratitude. Overall, he’s having fun, but he won’t abuse the power he has over you either. Instead he’ll let it slowly form, let it take a natural shape. You always wanting his attention is also fairly cute to him. Not many people vie for his attention as much as you do, quite a few people tend to dismiss him, but it’s nice to be the center of attention anyway. Will invite you to spend some time with him if you’re being jealous, like taking a walk or cooking together. If you’re especially jealous he might offer to cuddle with you for a bit before he has to go back doing stuff a sergeant needs to do. He may not be the warmest person, but he puts all his heart into cuddling someone. He does want you to feel appreciated as well since he does like you as well. So yeah, feel free to knock on his room and ask him to spend time with you, he likely won’t say no.

Ghost: Another one many people have a crush on. He’s used to being the center of someone’s romantic attention, but he never really cared much for it, never was one to just jump into a relationship without really knowing the person well beforehand, so he never gave anyone a chance. Ghost also knows when you have a crush on him, especially since you’re always trying to spend as much time with him as possible, even if it’s just hanging out while he’s filing reports. Though, in all honesty, Ghost won’t treat you differently from before. He won’t be any more touchy than before, he won’t go out of his way to spend time with you. You’re still you, regardless of how endearing it is that you can’t hide your crush in the slightest. Although it could be argued that you bumping into this behemoth of a man and then falling back onto your butt is borderline careless. He’ll offer a hand to help you up, though. Unlike the Gaz and Price, he might bring you having a crush on him up in a conversation, asking you if it’s true. Regardless of your answer, he’ll go quiet for a bit before patting your back and going about his day again. It’s his way of saying “Thanks. Good luck.” A man of few words even when he’s not speaking. You always wanting his attention does get on his nerves a bit, though. He needs his alone time occasionally, so you sticking to him like a limpet is a bit annoying. Has no qualms about telling you off either, though. He’s a lieutenant, he knows what he wants and he can bluntly convey such. But that’s just his way of speaking, give him a few hours and you can spend some more time with him if he isn’t busy. You can do a puzzle with him, it calms his nerves and his mind gets to stay sharp too.

Soap: He’s also a very observant man, a very smart cookie, so he’ll have it figured out when you made him a pie with a handwritten note, little hearts instead of dots over the i’s. You’ve never done anything like this for anyone else, though, so he knows. Is a bit smug about it. Not too many people have had a crush on him since he’s friend material more so than anything else, but there was one person, maybe two. He’ll grin like a Cheshire cat when he knows you aren’t looking. Becomes far far more touchy than before. In fact, he’ll flirt with you as well. If you’re speechless then he’s won. Gives you side hugs, bear hugs, hugs from the back, you name it. Will also offer to let you nap on his big, broad, manly chest if you complain about being tired. He sort of wants to get you to confess to him. Yes, he has not had many sweethearts throughout his life since he was always busy with soccer and the military, but he thinks someone being this head over heels for him could do him some good. And he also wants to stroke his ego. And yeah, there is a chance he might develop feelings for you as well while he’s being this affectionate with you. He’s affectionate with many people, but he’ll turn it up a notch with you, he’s not immune. Doesn’t mind you being annoying for his attention either. He can be very annoying too when he wants attention, so there’s a chance you’ll annoy each other into spending time with each other. Even if there’s no need to. For some people, Soap can be a bit off putting with his curious nature and how social he is, but he’s glad that’s not the case with you. So yeah, you’re more than welcome to go drink some shots with him at a bar and then snuggle the stinking night away because you’re drunk and he’s almost entirely sober.

[graycomfort]

Simon Henriksson x gn reader - Leende -Part 2

Synopsis: You just started learning Swedish.

Masterlist (coming soon) Part 1 Part 2

A/N: aiaiaiiaiai Part two to my first fanfiction ever. Still cheesy :] If there are any mistakes in the Swedish parts, please tell me and I will fix them!

They/Them is used like two times, the rest of it refers to you as you. Hope you enjoy! : ]

Word Count: ~2.8 k

It's been few weeks since you started learning Swedish. Simon has been quite helpful in the journey to learn his language. Even though he made fun of you from time to time, he provided you with practice and accuracy. He did throw you into deep water many times though. While buying stuff at the store or ordering fast food, he would just stop speaking forcing you to do the talking. Even though it made you stressed, it was a good practice. And Simon would make it up to you by paying for your stuff.

In the beginning, you would check if the information given by him was correct. But he valued your trust, so he never tricked you by telling you the wrong translations. However, he would confuse you by speaking words you don't know and never translating. He was not quite ready for you to know when he was complimenting you. To you, it was hard to catch and he refused to repeat so most of the time it was hard to look up what he said. That annoyed you, but also motivated you even more. You studied even harder to get back at him someday.

It was late at night. You have gotten a worrisome message from Simon's mom, asking about Simon's whereabouts. You told her you don't know, but that you will look for him. She said she would be grateful if you did and to be careful. So as soon as you told your guardian you were leaving, you were on your way. You jumped between rooftops with a flashlight turned on on your phone. You finally reached the one that you knew Simon would be at. A huge flat one.

He sat there when he felt upset and didn't want to dwell in his bed any longer. He told you that this was where Sophie killed herself. This confused you a lot since she was very much alive. You passed her in the hallway at school at least twice a week. You knew that he knew that too, since they went to the same classes. You decided not to question it. And Simon never elaborated, not wanting to put the baggage that was his mental health on you.

The important part to you at the moment was that Simon was in a bad mood. He sat there, in the same spot as always. You made sure your footsteps were audible, so you didn't startle him. You sat down on his left. You looked down at the street before switching to Simon. He wasn't crying, just looking in front of him with an empty stare. You were not sure he even knew you were there.

He in fact didn't. He only realized you were there when he was no longer zoning out. Your efforts not to startle him going to waste. In his point of view, you appeared out of thin air. His eyes turned away as soon as he saw you. "How long have you been here?" He asked you with a hoarse voice. He was clearly not dressed well for the weather, but so weren't you. Your hoodies not thick enough to stop the cold air hitting your bodies. "Just got here. How about you? Can you even feel your fingers anymore?" You grabbed his hand, feeling how cold to the touch it was.

"I'm not sure." Only then he felt how cold his fingers were compared to yours. He didn't move his hand away. Longing for your warmth and closeness. He felt like he wanted to crawl under your warm skin. "C'mon. Gimme your second hand." And he gladly did as he was told. Maybe a bit too eagerly than he would like to. Both of his cold hands now covered by yours, like a warm blanket. Your touch comforted him like he knew it would.

"Do you want to talk about it?" You looked at him, into his eyes that avoided yours. "Not at the moment, no." "That's alright." You looked away and squeezed his hands reassuringly. You thought about what to say for a minute.

"I learned a new word." He finally looked up. Simon appreciated that you decided to get his mind off whatever was bothering him. "Åh yeah? What is it?" "Leende" [smile] You yet again turned to him and smiled. That automatically made him smile slightly as well. "Did you learn that to bother me to smile more?" You laughed but shook your head.

"I did that to tell you 'Jag tycker om ditt leende'." [I like your smile.] His mouth fell open slightly in shock. Now not only his hands felt warm, but so did his face. He was stunned. Weeks of one-sided complimenting from his side did not prepare him to hear one back. He couldn't deny it, he could get used to it. He felt greedy, he wanted more.

"Thanks... You are the only person who gets to see it so... I'm glad that at least you like the sight of it." He smirked at the end of his words and looked down. Losing eye contact, but his lips did not fall. "You don't like it?" "Yeah, it's not a pretty sight to me" He mumbled. You hummed.

"What about mine?" "What?" His eyes came back from wandering, connecting with yours again. "What about my smile? Do you like the sight of it?" You fixed your position, now sitting facing him with your whole body. "Obviously, otherwise my lips wouldn't curve up at the sight of it." "Good, good thing pretty smiles are contagious then!" You laughed. He groaned at your cheesy attempt at a flirty joke. He removed his left hand from yours and shoved your shoulder. But his smile never fell as he scoffed.

Simon tried to return his hand into yours, but before he could both of your hands retracted. Both of his hands cold again. "Nu-uh" "What do you mean 'nu-uh'?! I'm cold!!" He kept his freezing hands extended. You have put yours on the roof behind your back and leaned on them. "I don't knowww... You hit me and it hurrrt sooo muchhh!" You said in a dramatic mocking tone. Simon started deadpan at you. He wasn't sure if his next move was okay or maybe would make you uncomfortable. But he wanted it so badly, so he followed his heart and...

Next thing you knew, your back was pressed against the roof. You screamed in horror as you felt Simon's cold hands against the lower half of your back. The only other noise, apart from your screaming, was the sound of a window being closed abruptly. "SIMON!! THAT'S SO COLD!!" "I KNOW!" You started daggers at him until you noticed. Simon was cuddled into your warm body, hugging you at your waist. His hands buried under your hoodie on your back. Not only trying to warm them up but also to get back at you. His chest was moving quicker than usual due to laughing. You felt each of his laughs with his warm breath on your collarbones, as his hooded head was buried on them. His black hair tickling your under chin and neck.

Your stare softened at that sight. You no longer minded the cold fingers touching your back, his warmth and laughter being enough to make it up to you. Simon didn't mind the cold anymore himself. As his laugh died down, he just laid there. The comfort he felt in your arms was so heavenly, it couldn't get better. His thoughts did start getting to him. You are so quiet. Are you angry? Are you uncomfortable? You relaxed and placed your arms around his shoulders, completing the embrace.

He was wrong. It did get better.

All of his worries melted away at that action. It was shocking to him, how many times you had helped him get rid of any bad thoughts without even saying a word. As if you knew what he was thinking about. You were perfect to him. He was so glad you were his best friend, but he couldn't hide that he did wanned to be something more. Little did he know, you wanted the same thing. But the voices in his head told him that you would never love a pathetic man like him. You knew that was far from the truth, and you decided it was finally time he knew that too.

After a bit of silence, you spoke up. "Hey, Simon." He answered with a questioning 'hm'. "Jag gillar dig oskså" You let those four words fly out of your mouth like you have practiced many times. Simon's head flew up in shock at that sentence. He locked his eyes with yours no longer interested in your warmth. He pulled himself up on his hands and stared at you in awe. "Like... like like? You like me like that?" "Yes, Simon." "Are you serious? You're not fucking with me, right?!" He asked frantically. You chuckled at that and grabbed his face. "I mean it, Simon."

Wrong again. It got even better.

Simon tried to process what was said to him. He was overfilled with emotions. It was the first time in his life anyone ever liked him in that way. He stayed frozen as you caressed his cheek. All he did was stare into your eyes like they were the rarest gemstones in the world. He began leaning in, wanting to connect his chapped lips to yours. Yet he stopped himself abruptly.

"Can I... kiss you?" The last thing he wanted to do was to scare you away. You didn't answer using words. Your hand shifted to the back of his neck, pulling down his hood in the process. Then you pulled him down, both of your lips bearly touching. They ghosted each other, feeling each other's warm breaths. You tested his patience. He did last a bit, but he couldn't wait any longer.

His lips connected to yours in a kiss. At first, the kiss resembled a long peck on the lips. But he wanted more, going in for a second time. Simon was very much inexperienced. So as your lips opened to suck on each other's tongues, clanking of teeth was unavoidable. His left hand rested on the connection of your shoulder and your neck, and your left played with the strands at the back of his head.

His focus was entirely on you, the rest of the world didn't matter to him right now. Well, until the quietness of the night was interrupted not only by your kisses but also by a car. Just under the building on which roof you two sat on, the car has stopped and a slam of a door could be heard two times. Simon made the distance between you two and peaked down at the street. You looked at him slightly confused, as he looked uneasy. But his concerns were right. A police car was parked just below them. It was most likely due to a noise complaint as, he can't argue, you two were quite loud earlier. He turned back to you as he sat between your legs, his hands on your sides.

"Well, that's our sign to go." He got up and held his hand out for you to grab. You accepted his hand and pulled yourself up. You didn't question his uneasiness, as your job was to bring him home anyway. And you didn't want both of you to get sick. So you held his hand and launched forward to jump between rooftops as you two reached the trusted ladder. He let go of your hand and waved it towards the exit, letting you go first. As you went down, he looked the way you two came from.

Quickly after being on the ground again, you two began your walk towards Simon's house. To get there you two would have to take a train. As you entered the train station, you felt uneasy at the fact it was so empty. You did enjoy the vibe, but it still gave you that uneasy feeling in your chest. Seconds later your hand ended up in Simon's. Simon grabbed your hand, reassuring you as if he was unfazed about the atmosphere. It was partly true, he felt uneasy each time he entered the station. As if he was scared the things he saw down there would come back to haunt him. Comforting you also benefited him, being focused on your well-being got his mind off his own struggles.

It didn't take much time till the train arrived at the track. The train was less so empty. The front occupied by tired men in fancy jackets. We without needing to say a word, opted for the back of the train. Of course, it was kept less tidy than the front car. But things like the broken light and newspaper on the floor, which you didn't mind, kept the well-dressed men away from the car. Resulting in having the whole car for yourselves.

You sat by the window as he sat next to you. You kept his hand in your lap and played with it. It didn't take long for Simon to put his head on your shoulder. The journey they were taking was already memorized by him. He lost all interest in whatever was behind the window, even though it's something he always watches on his way home. You took all of that interest, he watched as you played with his hand. Soft touches giving him comfort.

You dropped his hand. Letting it rest on your tight. He looked at you as you fished for your phone. "I should message your mom that we are on our way, so she doesn't worry anymore." He watched her type, he quirked his eyebrow. "She sent you to look for me?" "She told me you were missing, looking for you was my idea." You finished typing, hit send, and put your phone away. The hand that rested on your tight, once again in your hands. He felt glad you didn't come to get him because his mom told you to, but that you were worried yourself.

The ride was calm and quiet. Simon got comfortable on your shoulder. And you would have thought he fell asleep if he didn't get up from his seat as you two neared the station you're supposed to get off on. You two's hands never separated, holding each other and touching shoulders all the way to Simon's house.

Before Simon's house stood his mother, pacing on the small concrete path. She immediately saw you two as the house was now in your line of sight. You waved at her as you two went around the short white fence. Simon still felt your hand in his. You seemed to not mind being seen by his mother holding hands, so he didn't make any move to disconnect them. But he couldn't make eye contact with his mom.

"Åh, Simon, y/n. Där är du! Jag var så orolig!" [There you are! I was so worried] His mother came up to him. He was ready for the scolding that was already engraved in his mind. Yet his mother's attention switched to you. "Tack så mycket för att du tog hem honom, mitt barn." [Thank you so much for bringing him home, my child] You smiled at her in return. "Kom och sov över, jag låter dig inte åka tåg ensam så här sent på kvällen." [Come and sleep over, I won't let you ride the train this late at night]

You kept your smile on, but you were very much confused. The words spoken by her not known to you. You glanced at Simon, as a silent ask for translation. Simon felt your stare and turned his head to you. After a short silence without your reply to his mom's request it was clear to him you didn't understand. "She told you to stay over, she won't let you go alone this late."

"Åh" You exclaimed and turned back to his mother. "Okej, tack" That's all Simon's mom needed, as she imidietly lead you into the house. Simon let you enter first and his mom began a chat with him. "Du har äntligen bjudit ut dem." [You finally asked them out.] Simon's nervousness came back as quickly as it went away. "De gjorde det, inte jag" [they did, not me] He said under his nose. His mom chuckled and patted his back as they finally entered their home.

[cyberpunkaddict]

2023 Letter.

Here we are again. It’s been a year since my last letter. This is my last post for 2023. I included a bunch of unreleased VP again.

Read the letter below:

This year has been a rollercoaster in many ways. It’s really easy to focus on the negative because it seems to take up so much space. But it’s important to take some time and think about the positive in life too to get some perspective.

Life is made up of tiny moments of happiness after all. ❤️

The Cyberpunk 2077 community is very important to me. "Stuff" we may or may not agree with is bound to happen no matter where we are, IRL or online. But no matter who you are, in the end we all want the same things; feel like we belong, make connections with people, escape real life for a while, have fun and feel safe.

I'm a broken record lol, but... Without you there wouldn't even be a community whatsoever. Thank you for being part of it and making it fun! ❤️

So, back to reminiscing on 2023...

If you know me, you know I'm a stubborn perfectionist. With that comes pessimism, but I’ve grown and gained a more positive outlook on life, which is something I’m proud of. It's not often I'm proud of something, striving for perfectionism and all, so admitting this is a huge achievement for me. I know I'm always gonna be a perfectionist when it comes to my art though, but that just forces me to be a better artist, so it's not all bad... As long as I don't overdo it, which is something I'm working on. My goal for 2024 is to stop being so hard on myself and upload more to Tumblr. ❤️

I started doing OC gif giveaways this year, and I definitely wanna do more, and not just gifs but VP too. I do these because I want to spread, excuse the cringe lol, happiness and positivity. I love to give back. It gives me purpose in life.

I started modding as well, which I wanted to do for months, but I was too scared because it seemed so complicated... But I did it. I'm proud I went out of my comfort zone for once.

So, Dear Everyone ❤️, once again...

Thank you for sharing your incredible art, writing, cosplay, mods, and the list goes on. I hope 2023 treated you well, if not, let's make 2024 beyond amazing! I want you to know that you make my day better no matter what is happening in my life. The simplest joke in a tag or a simple hi in a DM make me smile and laugh. And if this is how I feel, just know you make other people you've never met before feel this way too. I think that's pretty cool.

One day I might have to leave Cyberpunk 2077 behind, because that's how life goes sometimes. And that’s sad to think about... I’m not ready to put it behind me yet. At the same time it means that this community, and my OCs and yours will always have a place in my heart.

I will never forget you.

Here's to another year filled with lots of happy moments. ❤️

Bye 2023! Hello 2024!

Vicky

To everyone who made it this far, I have a little surprise... I’d like to do VP with one of your OCs. Comment on this post and tell me what you’re proud of in 2023. In a week-ish I’ll pick a random person (from the comments). :3

❤️❤️❤️

[slightly-gay-pogohammer]

I don't know if you've ever been asked this question, but I was wondering:

Did you learn to draw somewhere, or were you self-taught? Maybe you have some tips or hints for beginners? What was your favourite thing about drawing?

Sorry if this ask is too personal, but I really like your drawing style and wanted to ask some advice :D Have a good day! 🌸

it's a mix of both, really! i grew up loving art from the very beginning, like. im talking about making teletubbies fanarts and asking my dad to make me learn to draw characters from w.i.t.c.h. and tomb raider fandsndfs, according to my parents i had a pencil in my hands before i even started talking -- and that's what led me to actually learn to draw "properly", first in a art-centered high school (that. did less than good to me tbf but it was a matter of 90% of the art-related teachers being garbage) and the comics academy in torino where i think i started to truly "understand" what i wanted from my art style

if i may give some advices other than the good ol' "keep practicing and try to at least doodle something once a day", i could go with:

don't compare yourself to other artists negatively, especially those younger than you. it's probably the hardest part, but you need to "force yourself" to be positive. if you find yourself thinking "this 14 years old draws better eyes than me", go with "i love how they draw eyes, let's see if i can learn from it"

copy copy copy copyyyyy!!!!! copy from references, copy from photos, copy from comics, copy from movies. of course don't plagiarize people and then present that stuff as your own, but try to make a pose yours and learn to take pictures of your own hands, feet, face or ask people to pose if you can't find the right position

your art will look like shit to you, a LOT of times, but know that at one point you're going to quit. if you don't like what you're drawing, either quit there or restart, don't try to "fix" it because you'll just end up noticing more and more issues with it - issues that, most of the times, aren't even issues to begin with. letting go of perfectionism is very difficult, but at some point you'll have to do that--

and about perfectionism, a VERY good exercise we did in comics school was being forced to "draw fast". this isn't me telling you you NEED to draw as quick as possible, but it's an exercise that forces you to learn quickly where certain body parts go, to prioritize specific details rather than others. we had a model, and at first we had to sit there for an hour drawing her, then the hour became 30 minutes, then 10, then 5, and at the end 1. it took us a few lessons to do that, but at the end the super sketchy 1 minute copy went from ???? to a stylized human figure!!!

learn to draw realistic anatomy, and then make it your own style.

for the love of god learn prespective it's a bore it's a chore but as soon as you learn that everything becomes SO much easier

for shading, just. put a point in the canvas where the light source is and go from there!! if the light is on the right, the shades will be on the left

if you're coloring, play with the shades' colors. a good idea is to use the opposite color you use for the lights - if the light is yellow, the shades look great in purples, for example just don't use pure black unless you wanna go for a more dark/noir aesthetic oh my god

professional comic artists retrace a lot of their backgrounds. i'm js. use this as you wish :)

learn to draw different body shapes!!!! like getting out of the anime phase of "fat people are just like thin people but with a huge belly" can be difficult, but it's very satisfying

go out of your comfort zone. if you have problems drawing horses, spend a few days learning to draw horses. take some pics and try to understand them.

body proportions are so fun once you realize how so many things are the same. generally speaking, your spread hand is as long as your face, your feet and half the size of your arm; the outer corner of your eye is at the same level of your ear, and the inner corner is perpendicular to your nose and the corner of your mouth; if you leave your arm on your side, your elbow is at the same level of your bellybutton, and your fingers reach halfway your thighs. it's so fun

and yea, i can't stress it enough. it'll take time. art is painful, art is stressful, art can be discouraging. take a step at the time, accept some failures and celebrate any good thing - even the smaller ones. you learned to draw hands today, and you should be proud. i tried to draw a cat for the first time and it looks wonky, but the cat you will draw tomorrow will look better. i believe in you

[moodymelanist]

there are two ways we can do this (i know which would be more fun)

Happy day 4 of @sjmromanceweek, everyone! Venturing a little outside my comfort zone with this one and I hope you enjoy<3

shoutout to @c-e-d-dreamer for the title and @creativepromptsforwriting for the prompt!

Summary: Eris and Azriel are traveling for work, but the hotel they’re staying in has a mixup with their rooms, and they’re forced to share a bed.

Read on AO3 here!

♡♡♡♡♡ Eris

“There’s no way that’s possible,” Eris said. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Azriel said at the same time. 

Eris and Azriel worked for the same consulting firm — Night Industries — and had been forced to travel together for the project they’d been working on for half a year. It had been bad enough dealing with Azriel’s snark mostly through a computer screen, but dealing with the other man had been a true test of Eris’ patience. He was huge, he was even ruder in person, and who the fuck needed that many muscles in the first place?

Whatever. Eris had very much been looking forward to decompressing in their very much separate hotel rooms, but through some kind of mistake, it appeared the hotel had placed them in the same room. 

“I’m very sorry, sirs,” the man working the front desk replied. His name tag read Kallon, and he did not sound very sorry. “There’s been a mix-up with the booking, and there’s nothing I can do.”

“I will give you a hundred dollars to make this go away,” Eris offered, ignoring the dirty look Azriel threw his way. 

“I can’t accept that,” Kallon responded, bored. “But even if I could, there aren’t any other rooms available. There’s a convention going on—”

“Five hundred,” Eris interrupted, more than ready to be done with this conversation. He wasn’t above flaunting his wealth to get what he wanted, and what he really wanted was to be away from Azriel’s brooding presence. 

Kallon’s hands continued moving across the keyboard as if he hadn’t said anything at all. “Like I was saying, you’ll be staying in room 902. Breakfast starts at 8, and you have full access to all our amenities. Here are your keys.”

“Thank you, Kallon,” Azriel told him. “Have a good night.”

“You too,” Kallon chirped back with a self-satisfied smirk. 

Eris scowled at Azriel, but took the other hotel key anyway. If he couldn’t get a night’s peace, at least he could take a nice shower and relax in the hotel bed while pretending Azriel wasn’t there. 

“You know, it costs nothing to be kind,” Azriel said once they were in the elevator. Eris saw the way Azriel was smirking and braced himself for the incoming dig. “But I’m glad you think I’m worth at least five hundred dollars.”

“Don’t flatter yourself, Velasquez.” Eris leaned against the elevator walls and resolutely ignored the way Azriel filled out his dark blue suit. “The only reason I offered that much is because money isn’t a concern.”

Azriel snorted. “Whatever helps you sleep at night, Vanserra.”

They didn’t speak again until they reached the hotel room, and Eris sped up so he could be the one to open the door. Azriel snorted from behind him, but Eris didn’t care what that smug bastard thought about his admittedly-petty antics. As long as Eris came out on top, anything Azriel had to say about it didn’t matter. 

The room was gorgeous as usual, and Eris was pleased to see they’d been placed in one of the suites. The second he stepped into the bedroom, though, any goodwill he’d managed to build up in the last thirty seconds disappeared as he realized there was only one bed. 

Granted, it was a king sized bed, but it was only one bed. For two grown men to share. 

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Eris exclaimed at the sight. He let go of his rolling suitcase and turned on his heel, fully intending on marching back down to the front desk to complain even though he knew it wouldn’t accomplish anything, but Azriel’s body stopped him from leaving the room. “Are you seeing this?”

“I see it,” Azriel replied coolly. He looked down the few inches that separated them and raised a dark eyebrow. “Are you really going to go complain about it?”

“Yes,” Eris hissed, ignoring the incredulous look on Azriel’s face. “This is absurd—”

“Yeah, but it’s damn near midnight,” Azriel cut him off without missing a beat. Eris scowled at the interruption but allowed him to keep talking anyway. “I don’t know about you, but I’ve been ready to get out of this suit for hours. We can get it fixed in the morning.” 

“But—” Eris spluttered, still riled up.

“Eris,” Azriel said seriously. Azriel so rarely said Eris’ actual name that it made it more difficult than Eris cared to admit to stay focused. “Just take a shower and get in the fucking bed. We’re grown men. We can handle sharing for one night.”

“I’m going down to complain first thing tomorrow morning,” Eris grumbled. He turned and reached for his suitcase, bringing it over to the right side of the bed. “And I’m complaining to Rhysand about this.”

“Don’t tell me you’re that mad about having someone in your bed,” Azriel responded, his tone turning slightly mocking. “I know it’s rare for you, but surely it’s happened before.”

Eris contemplated throwing one of his very expensive shoes at Azriel’s head, but he didn’t think it was worth scuffing the leather. “Of course it’s happened before. Don’t be ridiculous.”

Granted, it had been a while since Eris had let someone warm his bed, but Azriel didn’t need to know that. He decided to retreat to the bathroom before Azriel could come up with another way to insult him, detaching his briefcase from his carry on and rolling the tiny suitcase into the bathroom with him rather than waste time digging through it for his toiletries.

Once he was safely behind a locked door, Eris took his time in the bathroom just to be a dick. The shower was huge and the hot water was endless, and by the time he finally emerged in a cloud of steam, a muscle in Azriel’s jaw was working overtime. 

“Took you long enough,” Azriel muttered. He’d loosened his tie and taken off his jacket altogether, and Eris had to force himself to look away from the borderline obscene way he was leaning back in his chair. God, didn’t he realize how he looked, sitting there with his legs spread wide enough for someone to crawl in between them?

“It’s been a long day,” Eris said cheerfully, forcing himself to pay attention to the conversation instead of letting his mind wander further. “I earned it.”

Azriel’s expression suggested he exactly what he’d thought Eris earned, but he just rolled his eyes before disappearing into the bathroom. He took just as long as Eris had, if not longer, and Eris used the opportunity of the empty room to get himself situated. He hung up his clothes for tomorrow, organized his nightstand just the way he wanted it, and even went to fill up the ice bucket so his water would be cold.

When Azriel came out of the bathroom, Eris was doing his best to appear nonchalant while he relaxed against the headboard. He definitely didn’t notice the way Azriel’s thin undershirt clung to all that golden-brown skin, and he certainly didn’t take another look at the way the other man’s thighs flexed underneath his loose shorts.

“Let’s just go to bed,” Eris said shortly before Azriel could. Azriel thankfully just nodded, and after a few minutes of Azriel shifting around his side of the room, he motioned for Eris to turn off the lamp.

Eris shifted under the covers while Azriel did the same, the two of them laying in complete silence for a few minutes. Eris felt like his mind was traveling at a million miles per hour between all the things he had to get done tomorrow and the way he was sharing a bed with someone he honestly didn’t know very well outside of their limited, albeit snarky, interactions. 

“Stop moving,” Azriel growled from his side of the bed. 

Eris stopped his fidgeting, stunned into compliance for a few moments before he regained his composure. “Fuck you, I have a lot on my mind.”

“I’m trying to sleep,” Azriel snapped. “I don’t care what’s on your mind. Stop fucking moving around so much before I make you.”

“What are you going to do?” Eris snapped right back. Even though he could feel those hazel eyes on him, it was much easier to be bold with the lights off. “Cuddle me into submission?”

To Eris’ complete shock, that’s exactly what Azriel did. Eris cursed under his breath the entire time, but that didn’t stop those ridiculously muscled arms from reaching out and physically dragging him to the other side of the bed. Eris let out a completely undignified noise at being manhandled so easily, but Azriel either didn’t hear it or didn’t care.

“Was that so hard?” Azriel practically purred into Eris’ ear.

Eris could think of something that was going to be hard if Azriel kept this routine up, but he thankfully had the presence of mind not to embarrass himself further. “No.”

“That’s what I thought.” Azriel tightened his grip across Eris’ waist, his hips grinding into Eris’ ass as he tried to make himself more comfortable. At least, that was the only reasonable explanation for what Azriel was doing. “Stop thinking so loud.”

“I’m trying,” Eris ground out, “but it’s a little hard with your dick on my ass like that.”

Azriel just chuckled lowly, the sound doing way more for Eris than he cared to admit. “Sounds like you’d rather it be somewhere else.”

“I never said that—” Eris stammered out, his face burning. Azriel was ridiculous, that was absolutely not what Eris was intending, and he was just trying to rile Eris up as per usual. “What are you even—”

“You think I don’t notice the way you look at me?” Azriel interrupted Eris’ protests. “You can’t decide whether you want to hit me or fuck me. It’s adorable.”

“That’s idiotic,” Eris snapped, ignoring the low chuckle Azriel issued in response. “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”

“I don’t?” Azriel asked. He sounded like he was enjoying this way too much. “Tell me to stop, then.”

Eris choked on his next breath as the hand Azriel had wrapped around his waist began a slow descent toward the waistband of Eris’ pajama pants. “Azriel.”

“Eris,” Azriel replied, teasing. His hand slowed as he played with the waistband of Eris’ pants, fingers dipping shallowly underneath. “If you don’t want this, tell me to stop.”

Eris did no such thing, and if anyone noticed Azriel walking funny the next morning, they were at least too polite to say anything about it. 

tag list: @perseusannabeth | @bookstantrash | @charming-butt-insane | @oversizedbats | @melphss | @sv0430 | @podemechamardek | @autumnbabylon | @live-the-fangirl-life | @julemmaes | @that-little-red-head | @jmoonjones | @sayosdreams | @thewayshedreamed | @hiimheresworld | @brieq | @houseofcalores | @swankii-art-teacher | @nerdperson524 | @snickerdoodlechittybangbang | @imsointobooks | @nesquik-arccheron | @sweet-pea1 | @champanheandluxxury | @dustjacketmusings | @mrs-shadowsinger04 | @unlikelypersonalknight1 | @goddess-aelin | @arinbelle | @talkfantasytome | @simpingfornestaarcheron | @duskandstarlight | @letstakethedawn | @vidalinav | @c-e-d-dreamer | @dealfea | @katekatpattywack | @burningsnowleopard

[donnerpartyofone]

horrorphones...

Like many of the cretinous shut-ins who follow this blog, I hate phone calls. If you call me on the phone without an approved appointment I will assume that you are experiencing a deadly emergency. You will scare the shit out of me and I may not even be relieved if there is no deadly emergency. For me to talk on the phone, I practically always have to write a little script, even if we are very close personal friends. I must have a physical list of talking points in case my mind goes totally blank from the enormous pressure and I forget my entire life. I usually have to have at least one drink for calls lasting longer than a minute or two. I would probably be most comfortable conducting all social business from behind a Late Show desk on which I could reassuringly tap my stack of helpful cue cards. I will write you very long personal letters. I will text and DM with you at all hours of the night. I just cannot talk to you on the phone. The phone fries my brain. Actually, I feel extremely nervous even after a phone call, even if everything went well, even if it was super fun. I kind of have to sleep it off.

Unfortunately, not all people communicate in non-phone ways. I have one best friend (I'm an adult, I don't put the top people in a hierarchy as if they all serve exactly the same purpose and some are better than others; I have a couple of verified "best friends") who is just too much of a free spirit to be really into the internet, or to be brooding over long written documents. I gotta talk to her on the phone or she won't feel loved, she'll feel detached and isolated. I love to talk to her, but I still need to get in the like phone zone in order to not act like the total fucking outer space alien that I actually am. Being me is very taxing.

But now I have this old friend, see. An old friend and also a friend who is old. Actually I have no idea how old he is, he was old when I met him. He gave me my first post-college job (my first "real job" ever, I was and remain an unemployable mess) at his comic book store, where I stayed for many years. The whole crew there was very tight. He is a cool, smart, funny, cultured, frustrating, infuriating, offensive, secretly caring and wonderful sort of person. We went through a lot together, including several years of a random customer stalking and harassing me. We dealt with the police together. We served the dregs of society together. Sometimes we hated each other. But he is a major reason that I survived my 20s.

Several years ago he was in a freak accident where he was pinned under a heavy piece of furniture in his apartment for days. It could have killed him. He already had a well-developed case of Parkinson's, I don't know if that's related. Through a series of different events, he wound up moving into an assisted living place on the other side of the country, near one of his brothers. I'm sure he hates it. Every year on Halloween, which is a little bit before his birthday, I send him a hand-drawn card featuring classic comics characters doing all sorts of demented things, along with a little update letter. One year I got a letter back asking me to call him. OH NO, I thought. I didn't call.

Yesterday was a big, very challenging, in some ways very rewarding day. When I was finally all out of tasks I decided to turn my brain fully off and become spectacularly stoned. I was well zooted when my fucking phone rang. I quickly Googled the number, and I'm pretty sure it was the assisted living facility where my friend is. I didn't pick up. They called back once, but left no message. I felt pretty bad, though I also knew that in my current state it would have been a huge disaster if I answered. What if he died? I thought, knowing that he has a lot of siblings and I wouldn't have been that phone call, and also if it were important they would have left a message or kept trying. I forced myself not to worry about it by popping a couple of Benadryl and making it an early night.

I think I have to call back though. I might regret it if I don't. I have been thinking about this for a long time. I have all sorts of worries. What if he's incoherent now? What if we can't understand each other? What if I have nothing to say? What if he IS coherent but he wants to say terrible things about politics (a life-long constant for him, I don't know if he even cares as much about politics as he does about trolling people)? But also what if he like dies and I have to sit around thinking about how selfish I am for never calling him for all eternity? I'm sure I'm the only person making him original personalized art for his birthday every year, but does that really get me out of everything else?

So the point of this post is to somehow force myself to call him. I have way too much shit to do and I am preparing for a lot of stressful social things with strangers and I need to stop being unemployed and I am cramping up a storm. But I think I also have to make the phone call. Maybe I will do such a bad job that I never have to do it again! Pray for me, pray for the sweet saving grace of personal failure.

[septemberrie]

Rivusa Recs: FitzTragedy

I have to thank @fitztragedy for so much beauty and joy that has entered my life since March of 2021 when I peeked into the Rivusa tag on tumblr and found my fandom fam. Your birthday gift this year is a rec list of all my favorite of your works! 

Val and I often have different tastes in genres, but she’s taught me that the stakes don’t have to be literal life and death to be interesting or dramatic or discerning. Val’s stories excel in the quiet moments, the dialogue, the intimacies; it’s chasing after your lover in the pouring rain, it’s waking up next to someone with a stunning realization, it’s your friends having your back while also encouraging you out of your comfort zone (sound familiar? Because of Val I flew halfway around the world to meet up with friends that I met because of Rivusa, because of Val).

Love you, Val! Without further ado, here are my faves:

✨Smoking Hot (collab with @gossipqueen2000) Word Count: 6k Tags: Rivusa, side Skloom, firefighter AU, humor Summary: “AFD! Open the door!” “AFD?” “…Fire department!” “….STRIPPERS!” Rec: I think the summary captures this delightful romp quite well. Mo and Val managed to craft the story of a drunken bachelorette party WITHOUT turning all the fairies into annoying caricatures of themselves. The party’s aftermath features the Specialists as firefighters, Riven and Sky up to single guy shenanigans, led by an increasingly wearied Saul wearied by their antics. This story is an instant pick-me-up.

✨An Innocent Trust Exercise Word Count: 11k Tags: Rivusa, forced proximity, smut Summary: In order to teach the fairies and Specialists to trust and learn from each other, Farah and Saul create a school-wide exercise: fairy & Specialist partners will be literally tied up for a week. Rec: Written in the beginnings of the FTWS fandom, this fic cemented for me how much Val doesn’t let ideas go once they’re in her head. Expect fun banter, steamy smut, and worldbuilding crack treated seriously. Val takes a great premise and totally delivers. Fave exchange: 

“Can’t sleep with your face this close.” 

“Too distracting?”

“I just don’t wanna have nightmares.”

✨The Most Powerful Mind Fairy in Alfea Word Count: 5k (WIP) Tags: Rivusa, pre-breakup Samusa, mind fairy stuff, S2 missing scene Summary: In Season 2, Ep 4, Rosalind calls Musa “the most powerful mind fairy here.” Missing scenes that slot into canon to explain Rosalind’s opinion. Rec: This rec is a bit personal; S2 left me reeling with where a lot of characters ended up and I had a hard time feeling creative about it, but then Val swept in and dropped this fic shortly after the premiere. I love how dark Val took this one, not shying away from Rosalind using torture to weed out the students she wanted to groom. Read for a great way to fill in the gaps S2 left us with.

✨Tolerable Word Count: 9k Tags: Rivusa, kink meme prompt, arranged marriage, dubious consent (sorta) Summary:  In order to recruit the best specialists to fight in their army and protect the Queen, Solaria promises certain qualified candidates an arranged marriage to a powerful fairy that will increase their social status and income. Riven wants to prove to his father that he can make it on his own, regardless of whether the mind fairy he's paired with wants to marry him or not. All he has to do is get her pregnant to seal the deal. Rec: I’m actually a huge sucker for arranged marriage, and apparently I also have a thing for exploring sex: is it a tool for control? for whose control? or for intimacy? What even is intimacy? I love the exploration of what healthy sex is, with a dash of insane kinky worldbuilding.

✨Thin Walls (collab with @theperfectrose) Word Count: 37k Tags: Rivusa, Modern/Non-Magical AU, And They Were Roommates, Smut Summary: Musa is in desperate need of a roommate. Riven is available. Only problem is their apartment walls are very thin. Rec: Look, I have to include Val’s magnum opus. I love that in every universe, in every timeline, not only will Rivusa get together, but Val will be there writing about it--featuring snappy banter, unrequited pining (until it’s requited ofc) and falling first into bed and then in love. Not to mention the steamiest of all smuts when Iva joined the story in the later stages. Brava, ladies!

Honorable Mention

✨Tempting Fate her collab with meeee 🥰 I can’t praise Val enough for elevating this story not only with her storytelling, but also with her graphic design to make the text-based parts of this story so fun and engaging. I’m so proud of this story!

[charlieslowartsies]

RAHH it’s so cool to see that other people are rereading kgau too, cuz it’s done nothing but lurk in my mind ever since I first found it a few years back, AND that’s what IVE been doing too and I’m having a blast!!

Any commentary on Danny or his character? Or how you came up with him as Jeremy’s kid? Idc I just love that little dude he’s so cool

I often wonder how many times people have reread. If we go by hit count on ao3, I THINK GS or DS has been hit the most? What's funny is they're older and they've been completed for a hit minute, and they're around 10k hits. LW is ongoing, incomplete, and arguably one of my faster completed fics and it's at 10k too lol. I have Danny Fitzgerald comments I suppose! I am VERY tired so I hope these make some semblance of sense xc

Danny was created because I kind of felt Mike had grown used to his surroundings very well. I liked that about Mike! One of the blanket themes of KGA is of course, Found Family. But...I also wanted to explore a more 'holy shit! living robots' reaction. I also needed someone Mike wouldn't LET the gang bully/be cold to.

While Mike worked on ridding them of that learned fear, in the meantime he focused on hiring people that were chill and wouldn't give him more headaches.

So I needed a teenager I decided. I was very hesitant to make him at all. I'm not a huge fan of OCs when it comes to my own writing. It complicates things, and if I wanted a story of OCs I would make that. (Reading them is more fun ^^)

However, the kga series proved I could make something I liked well enough from scratch. Like I've said before, the content we had for Mike Schmidt's character was, yanno, zilch. He might as well have been an oc for a while, until more games and lore appeared over the years. (Obviously KGA does not follow the 'correct' lore. I'm 100% okay with that.)

I hemed and hawed a lot with just keeping Jeremy alive and making Ghost Strings star him, but a fic I loved reading at the time also had an amazing Jeremy and I didn't feel I could write my 'own' version and do it justice. Jeremy as well, if anything, would have a much darker history with the restaurant. Danny was essentially a blank canvas, while still having a reason for being there. He was a fraidy cat--rightly so--but he was determined and he forced himself constantly out of his comfort zone. (I'm sure GS would have been a much different story if Mangle had been active/in the restaurant.)

So, Jeremy had to go. And then I realized I wanted to work on death and loss and that kind of pain.

Danny obviously joins the restaurant for deeply painful and close to selfish reasons, but he's still someone we root for. He's just a dumb teenager looking for something of his father's, not realizing he's the reason he has so little to remember the man by.

All we are made up of is memories. Ours and others, things we take from important people in our lives.

Danny's theme/lesson in GS was 'Even bad memories have a place in a Good life' after all.

Danny's presence in the story helped me explore that mystery, and grief, and what happens when we try to heal ourselves, or when we rely on others to help us, like Bonnie helped Danny. It became a great parallel for Michael/Max Afton, since we learn in Last Shift, YEARS later in the story, this wasn't the first time Bonnie kept something safe for someone out of sheer love and devotion, like Max's beloved cassettes and music-tastes. This was despite Bonnie and the gang being so deeply hurt by Max's attack on them, but he still held on to the Good alongside the Bad.

And of course, giving Bonnet to Danny seemed...so fucken cute and fun and easy. She needed someone, he needed someone, and they just clicked.

My favorite thing about Danny is that everyone liked him so much more than I expected, even just in his first fic. I pursued Finding Freddy with the best intentions, and as hard as that fic was for me, I do not regret making it a Danny!centric fic. It also helps that when he shows up in Lies Within he's clearly done lots of growing, but he's still very mortal and he's very able to die. He still tries to help the restaurant, choosing to embrace the mantle of Day Guard that his father held in the Toys' era. That continued loyalty to Mike ends up being a pretty powerful weapon against the Virus.

Also something I need to explore more is Max is such a puffy little trash cat over Mike when Danny comes onto the scene, although he does lower his hackles within a few months, (and by the time of Lies Within) he's guarded and cautious around Danny. However once Max decides Danny belongs with them, that's it and Max considers him family as much as he's attached to Mike.

One thing I hadn't expected was liking the broship between Ness and Danny that's cropping up in LW. I absolutely want to mull that over more! Vanessa obviously has different...ties and hangups... to Bonnie models, but they really are interesting foils for each other. Esp considering Danny's choices in his older stories and her choices now, including the ones she might still have to make ;)

[tsaritza-mika]

Unpopular Opinion #3

Okay...so this might ruffle some feathers, but I still really feel it needs to be said. As always, if you don’t like what I have to say, just keep scrolling. I am a full believer in curating your own internet experience, and if you find yourself upset about a random opinion, please just leave and find something that makes you happy. You deserve it, and I promise that you will never hear me advocate otherwise.

Now then... Let’s talk a bit about our favorite mountain man. Shall we?

I see a lot of posts, especially as of late, that really go hard on the way Muriel’s route dealt with his various issues. Now, yes, Muriel is not one of my top LIs, he’s jut not the personality type that really gels with me, but I love him as much as I do all six of them for different reasons. I also acknowledge that his route isn’t perfect, but I honestly don’t think it’s nearly as bad as other people automatically jump to. Muriel has a metric fucking ton of issues, which include severe lack of self esteem, trauma that links to both those self esteem issues and his time in Vesuvia’s arena, depression, and some fun little sprinklings of Nihilism just for extra flavor. And all of that is just from a pure amateur observation. I’m not a psychologist, nor will I ever claim to be, but from the little bit that I know from former college classes and being friends with people who have experienced trauma from various forms of abuse, Muriel has all of these issues, and likely more that I’m not immediately familiar with.

A good amount of people in the fandom seem to believe that a better way for Muriel’s route to go would have had him ending up being more forceful in standing up to Lucio, really digging into him for the harm that he caused and is still causing, and more of coming out of his shell than he did. Now, while that would be a more dramatic take, you’ve gotta keep something important in mind: give or take a few years, Muriel has been dealing with most of these issues since he was at least around 6-8 years old. If we assume he’s maybe somewhere along the lines of 26-28, that’s twenty years of issues in an increasingly hostile situation. A single year alone of that much negativity is likely to leave some pretty impressive mental scars, let alone the possibility of twenty or more.

People who experience trauma will process and react to it differently, this is true, but to say that it’s OOC to have Muriel just be only a little more talkative and at ease with others outside of MC and Asra, strikes me as those who aren’t very familiar with how trauma can actually work. The entire ‘stick it to them’ fantasy seems great and totally cathartic in theory, but when victims of abuse and trauma actually have that chance, more often than not, I’ve only ever known them to prefer not wanting to be anywhere near their tormentors. Muriel actually being comfortable with himself, speaking up more, but still very much wanting his distance from everyone is a HUGE step in his healing process, and I honestly don’t think people give him enough credit for that. 

Muriel has been exploited and manipulated, verbally and likely physically abused, and all of that we could apply to JUST the time he was known in Vesuvia under the mantle of ‘The Scourge of The South’. We see in the Travel at Night tale that he already dealt with excess stress and fear from traveling through a war-zone at a very young age, where he says he even distinctly remembers hearing Lucio enjoying himself as he killed others. He’s already terrified by roughly age 12 when Lucio picks him out of the other street kids. He’s very aware that Lucio would enjoy hunting and killing him, and for a child to be aware of this, that alone is gonna fuck him up somethin’ fierce for a long time. Hell, when Lucio points him out from the other kids, he’s so afraid of him and what he knows Lucio is capable of, that his arms and legs go numb, and he can’t move. And later when he’s talking to Asra, if chosen, the response he gives Asra when asked about what he would do with magic is to make himself invisible, the very thing he’d wanted since the start of that tale. He wanted to be left alone, not deal with those kids who wanted to hurt others and steal, or be noticed by Lucio.

Muriel even straight up tells MC and Julian when they visit him in the forest during Julian’s route that he asked to have the gift of being forgotten. If he was forgotten as soon as he left someone’s sight, he wouldn’t be exploited anymore, and he wouldn’t be forced to take lives in exchange for keeping his most precious person safe anymore. To Muriel, deeply set in his traumatized and self loathing state, it was the perfect solution. Being forgotten meant that he wouldn’t take up space, that no one would force him to hurt or scare others just to exist, and that Asra, the only person who had ever told him he was worth it and more, wouldn’t be taken from him. 

You don’t just magically get better when your tormentor is gone or gets what they deserve, and confronting your abuser is not always going to be the right answer that puts you on the road to healing those mental scars. Muriel is far from cured of his issues by the end of his route. If anything, the end of his route is just the start of his even longer road to recovery and being able to fully enjoy and embrace life without fear that he’s taking up space and isn’t wanted. He’s just gotten better about it all. People who experience trauma can take years to even begin to feel comfortable in their own skin, but Muriel learning that he has value, that others value him and want him around without asking for anything in return, and to learn that others will sacrifice for you because they want your happiness instead of some leverage on something you can do for them; there is just so much beauty in the subtlety of that, and I honestly don’t think it gets the attention it rightfully deserves.

[aerialworms-art]

October wrap-up

So! October is at an end! And I have not finished Spocktober/Trektober. Let's see how I did!

My goals for the month were:

To have fun :3

To get used to finishing drawings

To get used to posting them, too!

To have fun :3

To improve my sketching and lineart skills

To end up with a bunch of finished drawings (of Spock!!!) :3

To let go of a bit of my perfectionism

TO HAVE FUN :3

So how do I think I did?

Having fun:

I had a lot of fun with it this year! In previous years, I've pretty much immediately devolved into an anxious mess because there were too many options and I bit off more than I could chew. This time around, thanks to my guidelines (only inking, not spending too much time on each day, sketching and thumbnailing in advance), it was a lot easier to let loose and have fun thinking up ideas and enjoying the process. Plus, I let my friends know I was doing it this time around and got encouragement and support, which was lovely.

Getting used to finishing drawings:

I did better at this than I thought I would! There are several drawings I've finished this month that I would have given up on if not for this goal. Do I think they were all my best work? No. Did I learn from the process? Yes! And some of the ones that have gotten the most notes were ones I thought no-one would like and struggled to finish. So! I also figured out new ways of motivating myself to finish things, which is also very helpful.

Getting used to posting things:

Also went better than I thought! Although I didn't manage to maintain a cushion of queued posts like I wanted to, the response I've gotten from actually posting my art has been amazing! I've gained several new followers (hello!!) and gotten so many nice comments, and went from being afraid of posting anything to tentatively looking forward to people's reactions, which is a huge improvement for me. Getting that accountability of posting publicly also helped keep me going when I felt like giving up - seeing my friends laugh when I showed them my silly comics or getting nice comments really made me feel like sharing my art is worthwhile. So thank you to everyone who reblogged my art, commented, liked, etc. I'm glad you did!

Improving sketching and lineart:

I definitely think I improved my art skills. Getting into the habit of thumbnailing really helped take the pressure off the sketching phase, and trying so many different ideas pushed me out of my comfort zone and forced me to try drawing things I wasn't so confident on - look how many hands I drew!!!! As for the lineart, I think I've gained a bit more experience in using pens, although I did buy a whole new set of them halfway through the month which put me on a new learning curve. Lineart's never been a huge favourite of mine, and I do miss using my tablet to do lineless art, but the nature of the challenge did help me to loosen up and experiment to keep my mind engaged the whole time.

To end up with a bunch of finished drawings of Spock:

Check! I have 14 finished drawings, with another four sketched and needing inking, plus a whole load of thumbnails to work from in future. I may go back and add colour to some of the days for funsies, but there's several that I can just put on my wall as-is and be proud :)

To let go of a bit of my perfectionism:

I definitely did! Like I said, there's a few of the ones I've posted that I'm not too proud of and know I could do better on, but I've spent all month purposely smacking my hand away from perfectionism, and I know I've tried my best given my limitations. I'm still proud of myself for getting this far, and for posting when I was anxious, and for improving my skills, and now I get to stick up my art on my wall and be proud of it! I'm not magically cured by any means, but I do have a bit more evidence that perfection is not a good goal to pursue, so I'm going to keep this experience in mind for the future.

So what now?

I do have thumbnails for almost all of the rest of the prompts. I am doing NaNoWriMo this month, and I have a digital piece that I want to finish for the 5th (holy shit. three years.) So I think I'll take a little pause on these prompts, but I don't want to stop. I'll keep coming back to them, and keep posting them, until I run out of prompts or motivation, whichever comes first. I've really enjoyed seeing people's reactions to my Star Trek art, especially the comics! I also have a backlog of SPN fanart I want to post, so I'll probably queue some of that to come out soon.

TL;DR: Watch this space!

And if you've been following along/commenting on/reblogging my art this month (or anytime), thank you so much! It's folks like you that make sharing art worthwhile!

[puppytoast]

has @diurnalcritters helped alleviate the feeling of dissatisfaction you've had with art?

Sorry this is going to get long winded as you’ve struck a thing I’ve had to think a lot about the last year and a half so I have a lot to say LOL. DiurnalCritters is one thing in a long line of things to help me get back to normal, and even better as a person as a whole, after nerve damage I suffered last year.

The TL;DR answer is It’s definitely been one thing has helped yeah. It’s been fun, people enjoy them and send me very kind messages on and off Tumblr about them, and they help me overcome a bit of perfectionism I started developing recently since I have been able to draw more again, and thank you you and everyone that has been supporting me with it! I know it’s different from my usual content.

This is where I start rambling about where the feeling started and how I am still overcoming things in full, but it’s all pretty personal gushy stuff so no hard feelings if it’s not read but It’s been cathartic to write out:

 In early 2021 I suffered some minor nerve damage that caused me to not be able to draw for about 6 months and still to this day I occasionally get pain from it. According to clinical tests it healed well over a year ago, so i’ve attributed it to phantom pain and the majority of it just being in my head. It really only crops up when I think about it too much and when I am trying to force myself to work on things when i’m feeling particularly rusty that day, and it never gets worse even when I push through it. (I can feel it very minorly as I type this lol) I’m at the point where I have just considered it a traumatic experience that left me struggling to pick up drawing completely again despite desperately wanting to, because deep down I am afraid of not being able to do this anymore. It’s the thing I am most passionate about and enjoy doing, and makes up a huge portion of who I am and what I care about. So being faced with the very real “if you don’t let this heal, you could damage it further and never be able to work again” broke something in my brain and caused a lot of other unrelated problems as well.

Not being able to draw for a significant amount of time left me incredibly depressed and when I still couldn’t even come up with ideas and was still dealing with pain, despite being okayed that the nerve had been healed, that depression got even worse. I chalked a lot up to dissatisfaction and brainrot and not really knowing what was wrong and being very distressed about it all. I ended up having to seek therapy and that has been very helpful and has gotten me to get better at managing some personal issues and be able to handle this entire situation better. I’ve started expanding my horizons and going outside of my comfort zone on things like volunteering at the local zoo and finally being convinced to join a TTRPG game (maybe even a second one soon), which gave me Tetra, who I had and have clung to as an anchor and who has become immensely important to me as something I was able to be creative with even in a time where creativity simply refused to come to me. She is an extension of myself and has also helped me with other long standing social and anxiety issues I’ve had that it would be an entire other long post to ramble about so I’ll stop myself there lmao.

Managing a lot of other problems and experiencing new things has helped me get the creative streak back, and while I am still slower than I would like to be, it is definitely getting better, and the recognition of what is wrong and taking steps to work towards overcoming it does very much help. I started getting into a bit of a perfectionist streak with commissionwork causing it to take twice as long as I really like it to, and DiurnalCritters has also been a very good overcoming of that problem in the shape of making me have to just get something simple down without thinking about it too hard, and even with DiurnalCritters I do still have that problem on occasion, but it is also getting better as I remind myself to recognize when it’s happening and just get whatever down and move onto my day.

I’ve been drawing WAY more recently again, and I’m feeling the best I have in a long time about creating, and i’m just very glad because I was terrified I would never get back to this point again.

Thanks if you read this long self-reflection.

[daisy-aisling]

And now for the more positive things in life.

I got invited to my friends’ daughter’s baptism at the end of this month. ^.^

I’m trying to get the days I need off approved. I have to go shopping for some nice clothes because the majority of my other clothes are just not hitting the spot for me. His family is very wealthy and upper class. I haven’t stepped into a physical church in 7 years…I’m not even sure if I can walk onto holy ground without bursting into flames. (I am joking, that’s not how witches die, they actually melt). Anyways I am so excited to go and so honored that he and his wife invited me. That child is so blessed, she has two incredible parents, a wonderful and loving family, and she’s going to grow up to be so beautiful. I’ve never seen a more perfect family before.

On more good news, I’ve already mapped out my two week vacation in December. Another trip to my family as well as visit to my bestie of 6 years. I’m already so excited.

I’ve lost weight and I have defeated my depression through exercise. The chemicals are finally balanced. I actually feel happy for the first time in a decade.

I am currently obsessed with mood rings and colorful fun earrings. My friend got some adorable earrings and I’m over here like “ooh gimme” because we all need some whimsy in our lives.

Right now I am the best at my job. Everyone is complimenting me and I’ve increased my skill level there. Yes I am bragging.

Office Karen is back! Yes I will explain what I mean there. She came back yesterday after being out since March. Her husband had to beg my company to rehire her. I can’t believe someone had such a weak spine. I’d have told him to have her be a Walmart greeter but even Walmart wouldn’t hire this mess. 😂

I just discovered Pei Wei (I know I’m late to the game shut up) and their food is fucking delicious.

I had my first Whataburger the other week and it was a w e s o m e.

My aunt is visiting for the time in a while (my cousin’s mom) and we are trying to find room for her to stay at our apartment. It’s mildly frustrating. But I’m excited to see her again.

The game I like to play is about to drop a huge update and I am so psyched for it. No I will not be telling y’all the name of the game because I don’t want to play with people who don’t like me lmfao. Get your own game to play 😂

Despite the INSANE weather (80 mph winds) and tornadoes, I’m surviving.

So yeah. Life has been going well. I’m forcing myself into new situations and out of my comfort zone because it needs to be done. I kinda hate myself for it but it’s gotta be done. And ultimately I’m happy in the end.

And now I am off to get my nightly walk in since I don’t like to walk when the sun is up. And I’m at work lmfao. (Slow night).

[panchams]

long time, no see

happy 2024! the website layout on here has changed so dramatically that i can barely recognize it. i hate to admit that it took me a couple of minutes to find my followers...

anyways, hey! it's been a while. i jumped ship off of here... god... who knows how long that was? i genuinely feel like it was a permanent move circa 2015. but that's not what im here to talk about.

after the loss of twitter circles, i've struggled finding a place to put my thoughts. don't worry, this blog definitely won't be it but i thought it would be fun to put a little reflection on here as my final post (probably forever?) on this funny blogging website that i decided to use back in 2009 (I'm pretty sure my archives go that far back.... which is certainly something i cherish to see how much I've changed)

so many of you either have known me as eddie, edward, mukuro, bajime, hajime..... lord knows this list goes on. im eddie! or if you want to use my online user, i go by haunter now. a lot has changed since i stopped using this platform regularly! i think i hard quit tumblr maybe around 2016? you can see on my profile that i came back and reblogged some things, but i think it was around the time of my twitter bot's birth (@nintendoqt) when i really stopped using it permanently.

i'm writing this as a reflection of where i've been and where i came from when i first started using this funny website. im officially a couple of months away from graduating college with a bachelors in computer science! that means I'll be a real deal certified software engineer this coming may.

but don't you worry! i got some real time experience as a software engineer last year, right before my senior year began. i worked as a software engineer for the military/government! yeah, that's right... tumblr user Panchams was a military scientist (intern, but it counts). crazy right? and in just a couple of months i'll be hitting the biggest milestone of my life so far which is college graduation.

back when i began this blog, it was towards the end of 2009 and my myspace girlfriend at the time karina recommended i join because the community from our beloved myspace was jumping ship. i jumped in and well, the rest is history.

2009 eddie was a fidgity, undiagnosed autistic relentless kid. it's kind of crazy looking back on that era because i'm so proud of kid me going out of my way to socialize by going to conventions at every possible event he could go to. i would even wear cosplay and force myself out of my comfort zone to talk and take pictures with complete strangers.

to summarize my academic journey to save some space here, i really sucked at math. my math classes were so horrible, i actually got placed senior year in high school in the lowest math possible for seniors (something like college math help course or something, while the other kids were doing calc 1 or 2). but look at me now, baby! i went from pre-algebra all the way to calculus 2 in college, as well as discrete mathematics (possibly the hardest math class anyone outside of a math degree could ever take). i passed them all! it wasn't easy. i failed calculus 1 on my first try. my community college professor even told our entire class in a very vague way that we should commit suicide via bullet if we didn't pass it cuz we would never pass if we couldn't pass his class lol.

caught myself yapping there for a second. anyways, i really just wanted to say that i was a fidgety autistic child with such huge dreams and wonders. you can see throughout my entire blog's lifecycle that i've felt a special connection to characters like pokemon's red, sasuke from naruto, mukuro from katekyo, cloud from final fantasy 7 et etc.... you get it!

i think my life could've easily been one of complacency and laziness. after all, i am the only one in my immediate family to have attended college or even be in STEM whatsoever. my father was a horse trainer and my mom did random odd jobs/cleaning jobs as a kid. i could've easily been stuck forever in poverty and never aspired to do anything with my life. outlets like tumblr, gaia, twitter, youtube, the list goes on but these shaped me in ways that i am beyond thankful for.

as well as pokemon and the other games i mentioned, they gave me a lifeline. those characters i hooked onto as a kid which basically shaped how my personality is... i genuinely wouldn't have it any other way.

what is blud yapping about!!!! i end this weird ramble yapping session to update where my life is and where im headed. I've mentioned graduation (LETS FUCKING GOOO!) but i am beyond excited to be a big boy software engineer (no intern in the title!)

i'm pining for the bay area after graduation. i know, i sound like a lunatic going straight to san francisco as a new grad but.... you only live once! how cliche right, a new software dev moving to san francisco... the story writes itself.

don't worry, i have backup plans! if i can't make enough I'll be sure to live amongst the cows in arkansas (maybe oregon?! who knows.) big things are coming into my life, an entire chapter of my life finishing (the college years? academy saga?) and i'm just happy that i kept pushing. i'm glad i kept trucking on and will have some form of a tangible life that i will create with my own two hands.

happy new years! i don't think anyone will read this but... thank you! thanks tumblr for everything. maybe one day I'll go through and read my #priv or whatever i used to signify as my private posts here eventually. that day won't be today, but maybe when im in my SF apartment?!

have a great year, a great life, and so on. i don't think I'll ever update this blog again. thanks for everything and much love from me!

linktr.ee/haunterz

[fabbyf1]

🎀 ☯️

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing

oh, bestie. you would do this to me on main.

I am proud of how far I've come with writing my filthy ass porn.

When I first started writing smut, I was so awkward about it and hated every word, but I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and now??? I'm slutting around town havin' a blasttttt baaabbbbbyy!

I really enjoy how I've been able to explore different tones and kinks without losing my values. (i.e. I will always bring consent into the fic, and there will always be Feelings™ involved, even in pwp. I'm a huge slut for feelings™)

So basically, all of this is to say that I enjoy my filth and do a good job at it. Someone's gotta be gettin' us all there, ya know? Times are rough.

☯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

It definitely builds community! I love getting to know my followers and readers. I can't begin to explain how happy it makes me when people tell me how much they enjoyed my fic, especially when they give examples of the part(s) they loved the most. It helps me when I'm writing my next fic to know what parts people enjoyed from the last one!

It's also so fun to have people to talk about common interests with. I've been an F1 fan for soooooo long, but until Netflix came around, there weren't many other US fans. (And definitely not in my small circle of people.) Internet Strangers are the only people I could ever talk about F1 with, which is So Important.

As for how to deal with it if you have social anxiety...

I'm not gonna lie. I get very overwhelmed with social interactions on this site. I'm an introvert irl and can easily get introverted on the internet as well, especially when holding too many conversations at once.

Whenever that happens, I force myself to log off and ignore my inbox/chats for a while. (Or whine about it to the besties who are exempt from "socially draining" me.)

To all my lovely followers, please never take it personally if I take a long time to respond! I'm jussa lil rat with social anxiety! I'm also on Pacific Time in the US, and most of my m00ts are not. 🥹 I promise I don't want you to STOP messaging me!!!! Just bear with my rat behavior.

Thanks for coming to my trauma dump. I'll be in Google Docs crying about cock warming if anybody needs me.

[quickdeaths]

[ cherry ] what is one thing you love about yourself? [ amber ] which is your favorite season? why? [ cerulean ] what is your favorite ( type of ) character to write? [ mauve ] give one random headcanon about your muse / one of your muses. (Here I'll distract you some more from IC writing today)

[ cherry ] what is one thing you love about yourself?

I already answered this but I forced you to answer this question, so it's only fair that I answer it with another, different answer here as well. It feels a little weird since I'm basically talking about myself in this hobby as well, but I think I'm pretty creative. I've always loved making up stories and characters and writing, and I get so much joy out of making things. I'm not good with my hands, I'm not crafty, and I can't make visual art or music or anything, but I just really love creating things and for better or worse, I love putting my stamp on something.

Like, as an example, I've been running this D&D campaign for about a year and a half now, and it's a published adventure, so you buy the book, and you're supposed to be able to run it with very little prep work, just like, read the book and do what it says... BUT instead of that, I got a full text file, went through it for months, added a bunch of new stuff, changed a bunch of stuff I hated, made new monsters and items, found new maps to use, made a bunch of custom things that I knew my friends would like, etc. Even in that scenario where it was the most "you don't have to do any extra work, you can just run it out of the book," I was so excited and inspired to add my own stuff, and I'm really proud of how it all turned out, I genuinely think I made a lot of improvements, and found a lot of places where I could make the game more interesting and more fun for myself and my friends.

I don't always have the energy, motivation, or focus required to act on it, that's a whole separate issue, but the fact that I have that drive to create things, and that I'm able to have so much fun and get so much fulfillment and joy out of that, is something that I'm really happy about and proud of myself for.

[ amber ] which is your favorite season? why?

Winter for sure. I like rain and snow, I like cold temperatures a lot better than hot ones, I like being warmed up by hot chocolate or tea or coffee, I like wearing layers. Obviously holidays can be busy and crazy, but aside from that, it feels like such a calm season for me, sit by a window and play a game or read a book, maybe have a fire going if it's cold. Even the holidays I like, when they're less manic and more just small-scale and focused on family and friends.

I also like that there's not always a huge expectation of going out all the time. I don't mind going out places, but I'm an introvert and I prefer staying in more often than not. Winter is a season that has fewer things like "let's go to the beach," or "let's go to the park," or whatever. When I lived abroad, we had such long winters, first snowfall was usually in October and the snow kept up through March, and I know a lot of people were gloomy and weighed down by it, but I miss those long winters just sitting in my house and talking on Skype (shows how long ago this was) with friends, or spending a week at a friend's place just cooking together and watching anime and playing Persona 5 for eight hours a day and huddling under a kotatsu.

[ cerulean ] what is your favorite ( type of ) character to write?

Shinobu Yaguchi next question.

Hahaha I feel like I've answered this question a few times across various memes and it's always interesting to come at it from a different angle. Maybe to try and sum it up though... I like characters that have been thrown outside of their comfort zone, and have to navigate that uncomfortable feeling and decide for themselves what they want. I also like characters who have something to say about identity and that have some conflict between various selves. I also also like characters that have some prickliness and aren't immediately easy to get close to, but who have a lot of hidden warmth and loyalty for people who DO get beyond that outer shell.

At the risk of overcomplicating things, I just like writing characters that just have a lot of weird facets and considerations. With someone like Shinobu, for example, I try not to make it too self-indulgent or too navel-gazey, but a lot of times she is involved in a scene it's like, what she's saying, her mental response to her own words and actions, her response to THAT response, her thoughts about perception and how things might be taken, her willingness to play a role but also the small places to rebel against that role or carve out some tiny piece for herself. There's a lot going on. I wouldn't want to be like "I try to write characters like real people" because I'm still playing with silly anime toys, and psychological hyperrealism isn't my ultimate goal, but I like to have a good amount of depth and weight to a character and their worldview and their story, because it gives me so many threads to tug on while writing.

[ mauve ] give one random headcanon about your muse / one of your muses.

Random headcanon 1: Shinobu, Yi-Chun, and Kiyomi are the only main anime-type characters that can legally drive. Yi-Chun got her Taiwanese driver's license at 18, and didn't have to take a test to obtain a Japanese license, due to an agreement between Taiwan and Japan (just as well - the Japanese driving test is HARD). She rents a car. Shinobu got a moped license at age 16 to run errands for their father, at his insistence, and got a driver's license at 18 for the same reason, and also to go to their competitions. She doesn't have a car/moped of her own, but she is street-legal. Kiyomi has a moped license, but not a driver's license, and her moped was a "please don't be mad" peace offering gift from her parents after they told her they were moving abroad and she needed to move across the country for her final year of high school.

Izumi is too young to drive anything other than a moped and isn't so interested, Rio has NO intention of ever learning to drive (and is also too young for a car), Tsubasa prefers skating and also has vision issues, Kousuke never learned, and Anzu hasn't ever had a reason to learn. Maki has almost certainly driven but she definitely doesn't have a license. If you see Maki on a bike or in a car, she is either immediately pre- or immediately post-murder.

Random headcanon 2: Rapid fire, everyone's favorite school subjects. Rio: Science Izumi: Music (or Math if that's not an acceptable pick) Tsubasa: PE, if they have to choose. Shinobu: Language/Literature Anzu: Drama (or History if that's not an acceptable pick) Yi-Chun: PE Kousuke: History Kiyomi: Language/Literature Maki: She's not picky. Science maybe, or PE. Whatever.