#this was the funniest thing I've seen in ages

[ladyinthebluebox]

if you're having a bad day just. leave your Rook standing near the edge of smth & watch them being a silly billy for a while. it won't fix you but it might make you smile.

[ladyluscinia]

Ok I had heard that gay Jackson was gonna be a thing, but oh my GOD that was the most over the top way they could have possibly dropped that

I'm dying 🤣🤣🤣

Literal perfection, from the rich gay theatre date to the anniversary to the return of lizard powers the the antique bowl and Ethan's new picture frames... I can't. I'm dead

Gay London werewolves in suits

[theadhddragon]

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[cryptidghostgirl]

Make You Wish Chapter Five -- The Conversation

Pairing: Alastor x Reader

Warnings: None that I can think of but please correct me if I am wrong.

Word Count: 1,324

Previous Part: Chapter Four -- Vox

Master Lists:

Master Lists 

Hazbin Hotel Master List 

Make You Wish Master List

A/N I promise I will get to the rest of the requests soon, I've just had a lot of people asking for part five of this series.

The shadows released Alastor and Y/n in his old studio. They melted into the ground around them as Y/n smiled brightly, her eyes traversing the familiar space.

"Happy to be back?" Alastor asked, watching her excitment fondly and Y/n nodded.

"I most certainly am. This is the most fun I've had in ages."

"More fun than murder?"

"Fucking with Vox like that? Definitely more fun than murder. That was the funniest thing I've seen in a long time."

"That's why you're lucky to have me around."

"Hey, you're the one who left, not me. You don't need to convince me I like spending time with you. Rather, you are in a need to be proving your care for me I should think."

"Am I, my dear?" Alastor crooned, leaning in slightly with his hands behind his back.

"Yes, you are."

He laughed.

"Well, I will have to get on that."

As Alastor approached the desk, his horns sprouting in shadows from his head, she made her way over to the corner of the space covered in of pillows and blankets. Hitting the pillows, they released a cloud of dust. Y/n shrugged slightly, waving the dust away from her nose before sitting down.

Alastor held his microphone to his mouth, recommencing his recording.

"Lets begin." Alastor announced as he sat down in his chair and began fiddling with the knobs on the table, "I'm gonna make you wish that I'd stayed gone, tune on in."

Y/n spotted her old crocheting project she'd started seven years before and smiled. Taking it in her hands, she began to continue her previous work.

"When I'm done, your status quo will know its race is run." Alastor continued, his demon form becoming even wilder and sharp at its edges.

"This will be fun." Y/n mused, watching him carefully.

Alastor turned to her, his smile sickeningly wide.

"Yes, it will be."

It was just like the old days. Alastor broadcasted his show while Y/n watched, working on whatever craft project was nearest to keep her hands busy. There was a deep seated comfort rising in her soul, a sense of belonging she hadn't felt in years.

Every once in a while over the course of his show, Alastor would turn his head back towards her. Y/n wasn't sure if he was checking in or making sure she hadn't left. Either way, she didn't care. After about three hours, Alastor at last signed off.

As soon as he hit the button that stopped his broadcast, Y/n placed her crocheting to the side. Getting to her feet, she walked over to him and took a seat on the desk, smiling brightly.

"What did you think, my dear?" Alastor asked, leaning back in his chair as he looked up at her.

"Amazing as always, Al. I swear, your voice was made for the air waves."

Alastor laughed lightly at this comment.

"I missed it. I missed you."

"I found myself missing you too, my dear. I had become so used to your constant presence, it was an odd thing to suddenly be alone."

"You like me!" Y/n teased in a singsong voice and Alastor smiled back at her, "Admit it!"

"Perchance. So, seven years." Alastor sighed.

"Seven years." Y/n confirmed.

"You work for an imp now? Seems an odd turn of events."

Y/n shrugged, turning her head to look out the window at the street far below.

"Blitzo is a friend. He helped me out a lot when you first left."

"So you joined his little team? How sinful, breaking the law and going to the living world to reap souls for paying customers."

Y/n turned back to him.

"I didn't realize you knew that much about what we did."

"I have my sources."

"Husk? Are your sources Husk? He's the only one that knows what it is I do now from the old crowd."

Alastor didn't reply.

"It's for sure Husk. How is he doing?"

"Y/n." Alastor warned, "Answer the question."

She sighed, kicking her legs slightly.

"I mean, nothing we do is technically legal." she admitted, "None of them have human disguises and our way to the human world is a book Blitzo stole from a fucking Goetia."

"You don't say." Alastor mused, "That would happen to have anything to do with this contract you're under."

Y/n's eyes locked with Alastor in silence. They glared sharply at one another in a battle of will. At last, Y/n relented.

"Yeah. It does."

"So, what is it? Why does a member of the Goetia family own your soul. Why is it that you have fallen so far."

"You really aren't gonna let this one go."

Alastor shook his head.

"Blitzo... well he was friends with the guy. Stolas, one of the Goetia princes in charge of the heavens or some shit. It's... Basically, I made a deal that if Stolas stays away from Blitzo and let us use the book, I would give him my soul."

"How altruistic. Though not unexpected from you, I suppose."

"It was only a few months after you left, Al. I couldn't take him on. Hell, you can't even take him on. He's a fucking Goetia. I did... I couldn't think of anything else. I did what I had to do to keep my friend safe."

"And why did he deserve your protection? He dug his grave and instead of lying in it, put you in."

"It's not his fault. Stolas got all weird with stuff and Blitzo was uncomfortable. There's this big threat of him tattling on us he hangs over our heads at all times. I... Blitzo did so much for me, Al. He helped me pick up the pieces of my life when it was clear you weren't coming back. I've become better now, stronger but back then, it was all I could do for him."

Alastor opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by Y/n's phone buzzing.

"Sorry, gimme a second."

Alastor eyed the device in irritation as she pulled it from her pocket. Whatever was on the screen dampened her mood even further than their conversation had. She jumped down off the table, hurriedly typing something out on her phone.

"Shit, Al. I have to go, I'm sorry."

"Work?"

"Sorta."

"Ah. Your deal. Why does he not just pull you to him like a normal demon would."

"Well," Y/n began, sliding her phone back into the pocket of her dress, "first off, he's a hellborn not a demon. And second off he has this weird thing about being wanted? Well, not weird. Everyone wants to be wanted just like, he doesn't want to force me to come. At the same time, he knows if he asks for me, I have to. It's... he's complicated, Alastor. It's complicated."

"I could kill him for you. Make it a whole lot less complicated."

Y/n laughed.

"Thanks hun but I don't think even you could manage that one."

"You could make a deal with me, that would most likley cancel it out."

"And have you own my soul? No, I've seen how that pans out for people. I think I'll pass."

"Just a suggestion, my dear."

"Is it? You've been trying to make a deal with me since I first met you, Al. I feel like you shoulda caught the hint by now."

"It was worth a try." he shrugged.

"Uh-huh. Sure. Why is it you want my soul so badly anyways?"

"No reason. No reason at all."

"Yeah. I totally believe that."

Y/n's phone dinged again and she pulled it once more from her pocket. At the sight of the words on the screen she sighed, her brow furrowing in irritation.

"Pushy pushy." she hummed, "Look, I gotta go. I'll be back later."

And with those parting words, Y/n disappeared through the studio's door.

----

Next Part -> Chapter Six -- Stolas

[ohnoteethy]

reddit exploding has brought some of the best posting i've seen in ages on this website. Like i really hope everything goes back to normal and reddit doesn't explode in on itself and the ceo eats shit on some concrete but GOD do i hope the new users stay. It's been like going to the same fucking camp every summer with the same people for years. like these people are my friends and i only get to see them here. but ohhhh my god theres new people. a new school came to the camp. your normal camp exploded? i'm so sorry to hear. you've been dropping some of the funniest things i've ever heard before. Thanks for bringing your students here ms reddit. yeah i really hope you come back next year to camp tumblr. no yeah i really hope your normal camp gets fixed but if you want to stay here a while you're always welcome . yeah just don't follow the strange women into the forest or the uncanny faces at your window at night that you have to banish once a week in a intricate spell. you're also trans? that's fucking awesome

[rosie-tyler]

I'm sorry but this little moment is one of the funniest things I've ever seen there's so much happening here it should be studied in a museum

Silver aka a 30+ years old millionaire is having time of his life bullying a guy half his age, Barnes screaming and jumping like a freaking kangaroo, and I don't even know how to describe whatever the heck Kreese is doing😭😭😭

[hotvintagepoll]

Marjorie Main (The Women, Summer Stock)—a world weary dame who wore her midwestern accent on her sleeve. marjorie main kills it as a reno ranch owner in "the women" (1939) and as warm mother hens <3 she was no shabby actor either! this scene with her and humphrey bogart fucking haunts me [link]

Zero Mostel (A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum, The Producers)—Archetypal. Comedian of all time. The worst combover in cinematic history, probably. Could make more laughter with one muscle in a singular eyebrow than 98% of all men across the face of the earth. Hardcore Committer to the Bit. Man of all time, and also told HUAC directly where they could shove it, which is a primally appealing and scrungly quality.

This is round 1 of the contest. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. If you're confused on what a scrungle is, or any of the rules of the contest, click here.

[additional submitted propaganda + scrungly videos under the cut]

Marjorie Main:

Zero Mostel:

"The chase scene in FORUM is just. it's fucking iconic. It's one of the funniest pieces of cinema I've ever seen in any context, everything about it is genius, and the heart and soul of it is Zero Mostel as Pseudolus. Casting him alongside a young Michael Crawford (of later Phantom of the Opera fame) really highlights the differences between the young romantic lead and the older, sensible, and yet entirely scrungly middle aged man (Mostel was 55 at the time) somehow manages to come off as even more desirable. He has no shit together, not very good plans, is panicked for most of the story, and the charisma of a champ. His flailing, helpless attempts at fighting the gladiator is so... he's so scrungly. "

"He's not fancy, he's not pretty, he's not good at much of anything, but he is Genius despite that."

"There is a magic to Zero Mostel that he manages to bring to roles where he is simultaneously the worst person ever, and also, compelling in every possible way. He had his biggest period of fame in middle age after he got taken off the Hollywood blacklist, and being a fat middle aged man with thinning hair is what gives every single bit of his characters power. As the original Max Bialystock he would eat the entirety of The Producers except that Gene Wilder as Leo Bloom is a genius casting decision, as Mostel's intensity against Wilder's deep discomfort ends up being the right chemistry. In many ways he reminds me of Buster Keaton, the pinnacle of hot scrungly little guy—a unique and expressive face, an instinctive understanding of comedy, active at the same time, and also they were both in FORUM together. Mostel came from an Orthodox Jewish family, was a trained painter with a degree in art, spoke four languages, and when he was blacklisted during the Red Scare and brought before the HUAC, he didn't just refuse to name names, he made fun of the senators. He was disabled after an accident, and still did dancing in movies and things like stunts in FORUM. He did a ton of work on Broadway too, including originating Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof, making the musical more Jewish as he did so. Frankly, I don't think any of those roles (or the eventual later film versions of Fiddler/musical version of the Producers) would work with anyone else. It had to be a fat balding middle aged leftist Jew from Brooklyn. The scrungly is essential.

"the scrungle factor of max in every version of the producers is through the roof but nathan lane does it as suave scrungle. zero mostel does not do suave scrungle. he does old jewish man getting into an argument with the rabbi at the full synagogue passover seder about how much wine has to be in the glass for it to count as "one cup" scrungle; he does old jewish man whose entire fridge is full of pickled herring scrungle. it's offputting in all the ways that make it genius."

[tanoraqui]

Dungeon Meshi Liveblog: Some Much-Needed Downtime TBH

ok I kinda read these species-swap chapters quickly without commenting 2 nights ago bc I REALLY wanted to catch up to the show, and honestly I didn't have much to say? It was a fun showcase of some different species talents, and introduced multiple fun problems for the characters to solve [takes notes in DM]. But it didn't seem to move either plot or characters forward much. Some notes:

Honestly it's surprising that there's only been 1 count of food poisoning so far, when they're trying SO MANY new things. One must credit Senshi's cooking skills!

This might be the single funniest joke so far:

I've seen multiple posts saying Senshi's elfsona reveals him to be feminine by dwarf standards, and I'm genuinely BAFFLED by that take because it is SO obvious that Senshi's elfsona reveals him to be 1. the Hottest Man You Have Ever Met, and 2. HAIRY. We have seen 0 other elves with facial hair. I dug up that showcase of different elves and 0 of them have facial hair. In the Tolkienien lore from which all modern fantasy, or certainly this sort of fantasy, is derived, exactly 2 elves in the history of the world are said to have had facial hair. Elf!Senshi has a tiny little moustache. Elf!Senshi isn't feminine, he is the HOTTEST, HAIRIEST bear in the metaphorical gay club.

...it's possible that he's more of a himbo than we realize, though.

I don't know what's up with Kensuke and I AM worried that it's being directed by the demon. I want it to be Laios's friend so bad...

It occurs to me that "the winged lion is actually the demon at the root of all of this" is probably the biggest spoiler I've gotten, and I didn't even realize how huge a spoiler it was because I DIDN'T get spoilered for the fact that, so far as the characters know, the lion is supposed to be a helpful god. Don't play with spoilers, kids! Even if you want to read the juicy meta!

This initial fight with the gargoyles is probably my new second-favorite "Laios is really quickly analytical and problem-solving in combat" moment (the living armor fight is still #1). He sees how everyone is failing, prevents more problems as he can, realizes they can't win and puts together what pieces they need to get out. In group social dynamics, he's a mediocre leader at best, but he's a superb combat tactician.

Laios is just living in his own little after-school special, and I love him for that.

That first panel is definitely support for the theory that the 50-60yr life expectancy of "short-lived" races like tallmen, orcs, kobolds and halffeet is shorter than it should be, relative to their ages of maturity, because the long-lived races control and hold most of the resources. It's even possible that their ages of maturity SHOULD be even older, but social conditions force them to become "adults" at a younger developmental age than dwarves, gnomes and especially elves!

Panel 3 is Marcille mentally shoving Chilchuck higher on her list of Lives to Extend by Whatever Magic I Can Learn.

I love how the way they figure out that the mushrooms' effects are easily reversible is literally by thinking through the greater social worldbuilding implications of the effects.

^This is the single most Dad we've ever seen Chilchuck...topped only by that 'carry child like a football' a moment later. Actually, he yeets Marcille a LOT while tall - here, over the jump in the travel montage, with Laios to make a loop for the gargoyle...which I'm dead certain is an indication of how he physically treated his daughters. Those kids got casually, affectionately tossed like salad.

.

AND THAT'S WHAT WE CALL FRIENDSHIP.

...okay maybe I did have several thoughts about those 2 chapters.

.

"[Falin] was much tougher than I was. I hear she and our parents still write to each other" is SUCH a line for painting a picture of Laios and Falin's childhoods, and Laios's feelings on it.

.

you can keep your Kabru Wink(TM)s, I am weak only for the Laios Fond Little Smile(TM).

.

I love how Senshi is still musing on this soul = egg metaphor, and I LOVE how both times now that we've seen Laios genuinely lose his temper, it's because someone was saying "why are you just being excited about eating monsters when Falin is in danger?!", and he's snapping because he is fucking NOT dismissing his sister in favor of eating monsters, he is doing EVERYTHING IN HIS POWER to save her and it just so happens that the only plans with a smidgen of success involve leaning into eating monsters. And by trying to stop him from that, you're stopping him from saving Falin.

.

Laios, how tf do you remember the Wink? I'm 99% sure Kabru never once winked in your interactions; I WAS looking for it. Was he just exuding wink energy? (I mean...yes.)

.

The dramatic irony jokes in this chapter are on POINT. Chilchuck: "There's no way this thing still works" [tram door slams shut on his heels, cars immediately starts moving]. "You won't find a military company in the dungeon" [smash cut to Shuro, Namari and Kabru unhappily leading the Canaries into the dungeon]. Impeccable.

Stopping this one here in preparation for going nuts about implied elf-related worldbuilding in the next chapters!

[acourtofthought]

New Anti Take:

Rhys about Feyre:

Nesta about Feyre:

Nesta about Elain:

Feyre about Elain:

Cassian to Nesta:

Azriel about Elain:

But sure, it's so terrible to imagine Elain ending up being friends with a guy who said this:

while he was pretending to be the bad guy but went on to prove it was an act while providing them information that helped them save many lives. Who ended up becoming good friends with Elain's mate, the guy he made the comment to. Lucien who is almost certain to have a POV which means Jurian will be heavily featured.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Anti's getting so furious over the BOE (which includes Elain's mate) being more connected to the same plots that Elain is connected to than the twins, being given way more dialogue, purpose and backstory than the wraiths have been given, being more connected to Elain's father than Nuala and Cerridwen have ever been (and the entire reason we theorize Elain's story will involve them) is the craziest new argument I've seen in a long time.

I'm not wanting anything, I'm simply following the authors bread trail of crumbs. The funniest thing is that when anti's claim we dislike them because of our ship it's inaccurate because Nuala and Cerridwen aren't a threat to the Elucien ship the way the BOE are to e/riels. They have never actually interacted on page with Az in the entirety of the series, he never once refers to them by name (funny how my anon accused me of this very same thing). Elain could end up with Lucien and the wraiths could still play a big role in her book. They are not heavily connected to Az beyond his training them ages ago and their "work" for he and Rhys but it's only ever mentioned in the background, never something we see play out. We actually witnessed Az training / speaking to Gwyn and going on a spy mission with Cassian yet we've never been given a scene where Az says "I'll send Nuala and Cerridwen out to gather information for me" or "I'll take the twins".

Elain needs to shine in her own pov so the wraiths would never be the ones leading the pack, they would be there to serve Elain's character growth which they could do regardless of her LI.

The reason I don't theorize them doing so (beyond them maintaining a casual friendship) is Sarah hasn't given me any reason to think that's where she's headed.

Lucien and Tamlin were / are friends.

Feyre and Lucien become friends.

Celaena became friends with Dorian.

Celaena became friends with Chaol.

Nesta became close with Amren.

Nobody is denying these friendships exist however it cannot be disputed that the nature of the friendships changed over the course of the series. It cannot be disputed that those friendships (while lasting) did not prevent the main characters from leaving a certain place and building a life elsewhere, making new friends along the way.

Why would Elain be any different?

[silantryoo]

seol yoona (sullyoon) x nmixx!reader (angst)

WARNINGS ; overworking, jinni's departure, mental health issues, panic attacks, cyberbullying, fwb (just kissing dw)

choi yunjin was seol yoona's soulmate.

anyone could see it from a mile away. to the singer, yunjin was the only person that truly reached deep down inside of her. every little thing she did, yoona cared enough to notice. a new set of clothes, a new pair of shoes, a different coffee order.

she was yoona's muse, and nothing could change that.

yunjin was the exact opposite of yoona. the dancer had a firey passion, and an energy that attracted people to her. she was magnetic, she was the light shining in the night, the beacon of hope that yoona so desperately longed for. she was everything that the young idol desired.

like a moth to a flame, yoona couldn't escape choi yunjin's grasp, and she wouldn't have had it any other way.

you had been a trainee for a while, and although you were the same age as haewon, you had been in the company as long as lily had been. you had seen people come and go. you saw the best of the best, the most beautiful, and the most talented, but there was no one that compare to seol yoona.

yoona had joined the many trainees at the beginning of 2020, nearing the five-year mark of your training.

you didn't take notice of the girl at first. your brain felt like mush, and during certain days (or months), it was almost hard to function as a human person.

you were ground to the bone, and thinking - noticing - had become a chore.

it wasn't a surprise that you were exhausted. having trained since the age of twelve was taking a toll on you, mentally, physically, and socially. you never had a sense of true friendships aside from lily and yunjin, too afraid to make a meaningful connection. you were too busy to make friends at school, and although trainees tend to stay long in JYP, there was always a chance that any one of you could get booted.

you had been burnt to the ground, no longer wanting to live watching people around you have meaningful lives while you were stuck indoors overexerting your body in ways that a seventeen-year-old shouldn't have to in order to achieve a dream that only ridiculed you for every single thing you did.

you were tired. you were so fucking tired.

"that new trainee." yunjin spoke out to you in the dim practice room, back on the floor as she stared at the ceiling. you could see the sweat glistening against her forehead. "she's pretty."

you squinted your eyes, trying to remember who your friend was talking about.

"which one?" you hummed, using a towel to wipe the back of your neck. "we got six this month, and they're all pretty."

yunjin turned, her arm hitting the side of lily's bottle, causing it to flop over with a soft thud. "the one that looks like she's gonna cry every time."

lily whined as she grabbed her bottle from the ground.

"that could be anyone, jin."

yunjin groaned, her head going limp, her cheek smashing against the ground.

you sat on the couch, each muscle in your body aching for a bit of rest. you watched as lily gathered her things up, looking around as she thought.

"wait." lily paused. you lolled your head towards her. "yoona?"

you watched as yunjin's teeth peeked through her tired mouth.

"yeah." the younger trainee nodded, lily making her way to the couch with her bag. "yoona."

you felt a dip next to you. "who?"

"the tall one." lily quietly explained, her head falling onto your arm. "she's rooming with jiwoo and haewon. she's really nice."

you wracked around in your brain, trying to figure out who was roomed with haewon. there was jiwoo, the young, energetic girl who you were sure the public was going to love. there was also jinsol, the funniest person in the world. that left...

"the one that keeps staring at jin?" you asked, earning a snicker from lily.

yunjin rolled her eyes. "you're just jealous i'm just better than you."

"please." you scoffed, watching as her eyes twinkled playfully. "i've got main dancer written all over me."

yunjin pouted, something that you and lily had become familiar with since the beginning of your training period. it was a sign that she couldn't say anything more because she had nothing left to say.

(especially since you have always ranked first place in dance evaluations, even when a young dancer named kyujin joined two years ago.)

lily laughed, her head wracking against your shoulder as you exhaled sharply.

"that's not fair!" yunjin complained. "you trained longer than me!"

you rolled your eyes. "by six months."

"lily-unnie!" yunjin continued to whine, trying to find someone to defend her. "she's being annoying."

you looked over to lily, the australian smiling mischievously. "she's got a point, y/nnie."

you shook your head. lily couldn't help but take the youngest side no matter what. you couldn't blame her, yunjin was like a younger sister to the both of you.

"you guys suck."

yunjin stuck her tongue out, and if you had any energy left, you would've too, but the ten-hour training day was starting to affect you. you needed some rest, some food, anything to keep you from crashing horribly.

"let's go get food?" lily suggested.

you nodded, standing up as you walked over to yunjin.

("lift me up." "can you give me a second?" "lift me up.")

you were glad you lived in south korea, where food vendors sold cheap, delicious food at two in the morning.

if you asked yoona what she was scared of in late 2020, she would tell you two things; choi yunjin and group evaluations.

"yoona, you're with y/n and yunjin. sound good?"

suffice it to say, yoona was terrified.

she walked over to the two of you, slightly shivering at the thought of being so close to yunjin, and to a degree, you.

she had known about yunjin, and she had always been intimidated by her. looking at her hurt yoona's eyes, like staring into the sun, a star oh-so bright, a firey ball of pure talent and skill. her voice made yoona's heart nearly burst out of her chest, and her smile...

yoona didn't know if she wanted to see it or avoid it.

you, on the other hand, were the opposite. just like your seniors, TWICE's momo and ITZY's yeji, many trainees had called you 'JYP's Ice Princess. though you were much more introverted than yunjin, you were still friendly to those who needed your help. you were a mystery to yoona, your cold eyes that scanned for any mistakes, your sharp gaze that monitored for any error.

yoona was terrified of you.

haewon had given her as much reassurance as she could've. she ensured that you were no one to be terrified of, and that if anything, if she could become friends with haewon, she could become friends with a 'nerd like y/n'.

yoona flinched as your eyes met hers.

yunjin was right, you thought, scanning the girl up and down, she is pretty. like a butterfly.

yunjin stood up, ushering you to stand along with her. you followed the younger girl, bowing slightly when she did.

"hi. i'm choi yunjin. this is l/n y/n." she introduced, a smile bright on her face. "i don't think we've met properly."

the girl in front of you bowed, her eyes looking everywhere but the two of you. "i'm seol yoona."

"nice to meet you, seol yoona." yunjin grimaced, watching the taller girl flinch. "don't be too scared of her. her face is just like that."

yoona held her breath, the rumors about your fierce nature invading her brain.

you rolled your eyes. of course you were yunjin's sacrificial goat. "you're the worst."

she stuck her tongue out, and you flicked it as hard as you could.

she yelped, covering her mouth as she whined a muffled, "i'm telling lily-unnie!"

"oh no!" you teased, your eyes twinkling as you looked briefly at yoona. "what will i do?"

yunjin whined, complaining to the new addition of your group about your 'bullying'. you rolled your eyes, noticing the lingering feeling in the air as yoona stared at the girl beside you.

even when longing for someone, yoona looked pretty.

the lineup of jyp's unnamed girl group was finalized in january 2021. it consists of eight girls; lily marrow, oh haewon, l/n y/n, seol yoona, choi yunjin, bae jinsol, kim jiwoo, and jang kyujin. contracts had been signed the first week of the year, and there was nothing left to do as a trainee.

except, of course, to prepare for debut.

you and yunjin complained to lily, hating the fact that despite the years of hard work, you had to continue, pushing yourselves even harder (if you even could).

though you protested, you couldn't argue that there were definitely positives.

you felt like you were no longer suffering through the training by yourself. your work ethic matched haewon's, and you found yourself warming up slowly to the other girls, specifically kyujin who you couldn't help but baby.

life was harder than ever, but it felt as if it was starting to look up.

the eight of you sat together, in the practice room after a long twelve-hour day of non-stop dancing and singing. jinsol had brought up the topic of positions, stating that lily would be the main vocal, which spiraled into an in-depth discussion.

you sat cross-legged, kyujin on your lap as you played with her hair. to your left haewon lay on her stomach, head propped up by her hands.

lily furrowed her eyebrows, staring at the ceiling as she thought. "i think-"

"that's not good." you chuckled, earning a giggle from the other girls.

lily whined, "y/n-ah!"

"unnie, when you think, something explodes." you explained, remembering that about a year ago in the artist's lounge. lily had microwaved a metal container that started sparking, causing the fire detector to beep during twice's live.

"the microwave didn't explode, okay?" lily explained, yunjin shaking her head.

haewon pointed to you. "she's right, unnie."

lily pouted, suddenly understanding why you had been so grumpy for so long.

"where were we?" kyujin asked, adjusting herself to that her cheek squished against your lap and her legs were on top of jiwoo's back.

jiwoo pushed the youngest legs off, twirling her pen as she glared at the girl. "we just need the positions for jinsol-unnie and yoona-unnie."

you looked at the girl in front of you, her soft doe eyes looking straight at yunjin. you knew that look anywhere. it was the look that yeji had given ryujin back when you were all trainees.

you didn't know why it burned so badly in your chest, but you couldn't tear your eyes away. yoona looked so beautiful, longing for someone she couldn't have.

"yoona should be the visual." yunjin announced, your eyes never leaving yoona's.

the girl's face burned bright red as the others turned to her, waiting for a reaction.

"i don't know..."

"you're pretty as fu-" haewon slapped the younger girl's shoulder. "i've been in this industry long enough-"

"wow." you scoffed jokingly, ignoring the suffocating feeling that was starting to consume you. "you're using your power to rig the lineup? wo-ow!"

"yunjin," haewon scolded, slightly annoyed but playful regardless. "don't hit your elders."

yunjin lips jutted out, and you watched as yoona briefly - painfully - looked at them. "she's not an elder, she's just old."

you looked away, yunjin smiling at you brightly as lily shook her head.

"i'll bite you, choi yunjin."

the younger girl stuck her tongue out.

"so," jiwoo cleared her throat, trying to get back on track before your break finished. "yoona-unnie would be visual?"

the girls hummed in agreement, watching as jiwoo started writing. you gaze made it's way back to yoona's, a rehearsed smile plastered onto her face as if she was just nodding along to whatever yunjin said. you couldn't blame her. yunjin had a way of persuading people, her bright personality made her hard to disappoint.

still, you could tell that something was wrong, and that was enough for you to take action.

"what if we just didn't?" you spoke, voice stern as your eyes trained on the paper in front of jiwoo ('sul seol yoona - visual'). the room became quiet, and you looked around to find seven pairs of eyes staring at you. "what? we'd be one of the only groups to not have an official visual. plus, yoona isn't only pretty. she's a good singer."

yoona was terrified of you, you were ice cold. never talking unless necessary, always assertive, always knowing what you wanted.

"are you an alien?"

but perhaps she had given in to the rumors too soon. perhaps you weren't ice cold, like the winters she had experienced since childhood, but the cool, comforting breeze of the spring.

"what?"

"unnie!" jinsol squealed, her heart on her chest. "my heart is fluttering and i'm not even yoona."

"what?" you looked around, confused. lily watched as you looked at everyone except yoona. "what did i do?"

the oldest of the group smiled, observing how your face turned a bright red.

the cool air blew through the windows of the practice room, the birds chirping in the distance. the snow had fully melted everywhere in seoul, and there was nothing in the sky but the bright sun. everything was at peace, but with each passing day, each girl felt the pressure of the debut.

truth be told, it was starting to get to you. if you were lucky, you'd sleep three hours, eating two meals a day from the local convenient store. your body ached, and some days, you'd wake up crying from the pain in your knees due to overuse.

but you held it together. you, haewon, and lily. you powered through it as best as you could, and supported the other girls when they couldn't.

"unnie." yoona muttered, the two of you taking a break from working on the footwork of the unreleased title track.

you smiled, the sound of the younger girl's voice never failing to make your heart race. there was something so enticing about her, and you could never get enough of it.

"yoona." you hummed back.

"can i..." she hesitated, her cheeks turning a bright red. "can i talk to you?"

you turned to the girl, a familiar emotion swirling in her eyes. worry, fear. you knew that well - better than anyone, in fact.

you nodded, making your way next to the open window beside her. your arm grazed against the young idol's, and the spring breeze blew blowing against her back. she shivered, a chill running up and down her spine.

"i'm worried about the debut." yoona muttered. "what if they don't like me?"

nodding, you scanned her features. her eyes - golden brown against the sunlight, like a monarch on its favorite flower - trained to the ground.

no one could hate seol yoona, especially not you.

"they'll like you," you stated.

yoona shook her head. "you never know."

"i do know." you smiled at the girl - cool and calm, and unlike with yunjin, her heart nearly stopped. "you got me to like you."

"you didn't like me before?" yoona asked,

"i didn't know you before." but you were glad to now, not that you'd ever say that to her (at least, not yet). "but i liked you as soon as i met you."

"oh." yoona smiled, closing her eyes as she felt the wind run through her hair. "do you think they'll like us?"

"yeah." you followed the younger girl, closing your eyes and letting the air engulf you. "i think they'll love us."

you were sure of it.

nmixx.

an experimental girl group under JYP that takes music from two completely different genres and mixes the two together. they debuted, sending the industry in shock in february of 2022.

you were wrong. they hated you.

you were rattled. though berated for every single thing since the age of twelve - height, weight, skin, voice, tone, style - there was nothing that could compare you to the battlezone of the public. hidden behind the bright screens were people who hated you, people who wanted you gone.

you'd never show it, but slowly, you were starting to agree with them.

yunjin, jiwoo, and jinsol were the ones who had it the worst. the public had no mercy, wanting the three out of the group for the simplest things. some had even found yunjin's home address, sending threatening messages about how she was 'stealing the spotlight' from the rest of the girls.

how had it only been three months? how had it gotten this bad?

you tossed, listening to the soft snores of your roommate, lily. the door creaked open, revealing a dimly lit idol, tears running down her face.

"jin?" you called out.

"unnie." her voice was tired, no longer the bright, bubbly girl that you once knew. "can i stay with you and lily-unnie for tonight?"

"okay."

you held her, hushing her as she sobbed into your neck.

it has to get better. it has to.

it got worse.

you had hope when your newest single, 'dice' came out. it was different, much better than your debut track. you had hope.

you worked harder, your joints hurting with every breath you took. you ate less, only things deemed 'healthy', watching your figure. and you sang. you sang until your voice was hoarse, until your throat felt like sandpaper. you hoped that they could see how hard you worked, how you sacrificed your body - your life - for them.

hope was nothing in the judging eyes of the public.

it wasn't uncommon to hear crying in the many practice rooms of the JYP building. trainees around the world, ones that would kill to achieve what you've achieved, needed a place of solace.

the voice, however, was far too familiar to dismiss.

"yoona? is that you?" worry tingled in your palms as you gripped the doorknob. "can i come in?"

"i can't-" yoona stuggled, gasping for air. "-breathe."

you rushed it, closing the door behind you to find yoona sitting on the ground. her hands in her tearful face, sobbing as she wheezed for air.

you knew this. the burning sensation of your lungs, the feeling of heat spreading across your body. the fear of imploding, of everything and nothing all at once.

"too much." the girl cried out. "i can't-"

you nodded, reaching out to her as you offered your hand. "can i have your hand?"

yoona whined, barely comprehending the words as you grabbed her hand. cold. your hands were cold.

slowly, you placed her palm on the ground.

cold. everything was cold.

"you feel the floor right?" you whispered in a tone that she's never heard before. it was inviting, soothing like ice cream on a hot summer day. "it's cold. my hand. it's cold too, right?"

yoona shook her head and looked up. "unnie, i-"

you pulled your hand away, and she needed it back on hers.

"my hand." you placed it gently on her cheek, and she basked in the feeling. "is it cold?"

yes. yoona thought. it's perfect.

yoona nodded, the pieces of her brain slowly coming back. "i'm cold."

"cold is good." you whispered, wiping her tears away with one hand. "it means you're calm. it means you're okay."

i'm calm. i'm okay.

"thank you."

you grinned, pulling away once more as the girl wiped her tears. she was embarrassed, the two of you were never really close. but you were comforting. you were cold.

"do you wanna talk?" you asked her.

yoona shook her head, chuckling awkwardly. "i don't want to bother you."

"you'd never bother me." it was a truth that you never intended on breaking. "ever."

yoona nodded, your worried eyes meeting hers as the ac blasted above the two of you.

"i'm sorry."

yoona was pretty even when she cried.

"don't be."

it kept getting worse.

yunjin's parents never believed in mental health. they were the type to think that only privileged people had the right to suffer through something so... unnecessary.

but yunjin was losing hair. she was losing weight, and she wasn't sleeping unless she cried until her tears ran dry. you and lily took turns taking care of the younger girl, but she was the scapegoat. there was nothing you could do (especially since you were facing the exact same thing as she was).

yunjin's parents agreed for her to go on medication, sending her to the best therapists they could find.

it wasn't enough.

"i can't keep doing this." yunjin whispered to you one night while the rest of the girls were out on a grocery run.

you turned your head to her, furrowing your eyebrows. your eyes tore away from the tv. "what do you mean?"

you were hearing things. you had to be.

"unnie."

yunjin was tired, just like you.

her joints ached, her knee was giving out whenever she walked. she slept for two hours maximum and she was eating food that was barely enough for a six-year-old.

she couldn't keep doing this.

"choi yunjin!" you shouted. "what the fuck do you mean?"

"unnie. i can't."

you looked at her.

"i'm tired."

you looked away, trying not to cry. only twice have you cried in front of choi yunjin, and you refused to make it a third.

"what about me and lily-unnie?"

"i know." yunjin's head hung low. "i'm sorry."

"you worked so hard. you're just gonna throw that away?" you stood up, burning with a rage that you've kept in for so long.

you hated her at that moment. you hated how selfish she was, able to leave everything behind to prioritize herself, even you. you hated what she was able to do, how brave and how strong she was to leave.

you hated how you weren't her.

"what about yoona?" you asked, voice low.

"yoona?" yunjin looked confused, and you never wanted to yell at someone so much for being dense. "what about yoona?"

"don't you care about her?!" you screamed, yunjin flinching. "she-"

she likes you. she likes your smile, she like your eyes. she likes you, and not me.

choi yunjin was brave, passionate, and bright. you were nothing like her.

"how could you do that to her?" you whispered.

how could you do this to me? how could you leave us? how could you?

"i need to do this for myself, unnie." yunjin continued, tears running down her eyes as she began to beg. "you have to understand. please, i can't leave when you're angry at me."

you looked at her. she was tired. she was so so tired.

"yunjin."

"please, unnie." the younger girl sobbed, and it felt as if you were back at her first evaluation. "i can't even sleep anymore... please."

("i don't want to do this anymore, unnie! i'm tired!")

"you understand, right?" yunjin begged. you couldn't be angry at her. she'd never forgive herself. "please understand."

slowly, you sat down beside her. her tears fell down onto the couch below.

"is this what you want?"

yunjin went quiet.

"i can't keep living like this."

"okay." you nodded, wiping a stray tear on her chin. it hurt. letting go of yunjin felt like you were losing a part of you. "are you going to re-debut?"

"maybe." yunjin sniffled, pouting. you forced back a smile. you were glad she hadn't changed, it would've broken your heart even more. "i didn't want it to be like this. i wanted-"

"i know." you nodded once more, biting back any feelings that might show themselves. "will it make you happy?"

yunjin nodded. "yes."

"okay." you bit the inside of your cheek. "okay."

you sighed, opening your arms as she sobbed into your shoulder. you understood, and that was enough for yunjin.

"i'm not mad at you." you said, yunjin sobbing harder.

you did what i couldn't.

the news aired when the girls were asleep.

you and lily had snuck out the night of the mama awards to say one last goodbye to yunjin. lily smiled through her tears, and you didn't shed a single one.

lily was worried.

the two of you got home at four in the morning. the world was quiet. it hurt your ears, and you made your way to bed without talking to lily beside you. it took you awhile to sleep, your body expecting the younger girl to burst through the door, tears in her eyes.

you knew yunjin wasn't coming home, it just took four hours for your body to catch up.

you woke up an hour later to lily's voice outside the door and yoona barging into your room.

"where's yunjin?" yoona asked through tears.

you sat up, not a single expression on your face. she's home, safe, happy. "she left."

"no, she didn't." yoona sobbed. "where's yunjin, unnie?"

you closed your eyes, hating that you had to repeat it once more. "she left, yoona."

she stared at you, biting her lip as she tried not to cry. lily frowned as your eyes softened at the sight of the younger girl.

"only me and lily-unnie knew." you swallowed, watching her storm out of your room. "i'm sorry."

even when she was angry, seol yoona looked as pretty as the day you saw her.

lily was worried about you.

like the other girls, you were mourning the loss of yunjin. she can see the way your eyes dulled whenever you heard her voice, or the angry expression whenever the head of div3 suggested rerecording her lines. she could tell by the way you weren't eating, and the way that the collection of your unfinished water bottles was starting to amass under your bed.

she could also see that you longed for someone, someone that wasn't yunjin.

(and it would be a disaster. she knew it.)

she was right, and it started a week after the new year, the heater blowing in the kitchen as the stove sent heat waves across the room.

"unnie." yoona whispered, feeling guilty.

"hey." you smiled. she was finally talking to you. "you okay?"

"i'm sorry."

"it's okay." you shrugged, stirring the kimchi soup in front of you. "i get it. i was upset when i found out too."

yoona hummed, watching your eyes closely. against the cool-toned light, it was a light brown, almost hazel. it was pretty.

"is she happy?" yoona asked. "yunjin, i mean."

"yeah." you nodded, ignoring the pain in your chest. it never got easier talking about her. you moved the pot to a different burner, and turned off the stove. "she's doing well. a new company got her."

"that's good." she said, watching as you washed your hands with cold water and soap.

yoona turned off the heater, the room too hot for her to think.

quietly, she crept up behind you, resting her head on your shoulder.

"yoona?" you muttered, eyes wide.

"unnie," she whispered. "you don't like me, right?"

you looked at the doe eyed girl. "like romantically?"

yoona nodded, moving in closer. you could feel her warm breath against your lips.

every fiber in your body wanted to tell the younger girl. you wanted to tell her the truth, but it was something you'd been avoiding yourself.

"no." you couldn't. not when she was in your reach. "no, i don't."

"okay."

she closed the gap between you two, and for the first time in weeks, she felt closer to yunjin.

you weren't stupid. you knew what yoona was doing.

for the past month, the two of you have been sneaking around, stealing fleeting kisses in hopes to mend what was broken. at night, she would sneak into your room, and your three hours of sleep would get reduced to one at most. you'd 'wake up' with bruised lips, and a suspicious burn from yesterday's 'curling iron'.

you were a distraction, a replacement.

you weren't stupid. you were hoping it wasn't true.

"hey, unnie." yoona snuck in again, the familiar sounds of lily snoring entering her senses.

"yoona." you sat up, watching as she shut the door. "hey."

yoona made her way towards you, the air of the fan blowing wind in her face.

"i missed you." you whispered quietly, kissing her as if you were a soldier going off to war.

her cheeks turned bright red. "i missed you too."

"how was your day?" you moved up, letting the younger girl sit on your lap as you stoked her hair.

"i was with you the entire day." yoona giggled. she loved feeling your cold finger running through her scalp. she felt loved.

you pulled back. "i still wanna know how you're doing."

you looked at yoona's eyes.

oh.

"i'm fine."

"yoona..." you swallowed. you knew what was going to happen. your worst fears were going to come true. "you can talk to me."

"can i sleep here tonight?" yoona's voice was little, like the day you first met her.

you nodded, pulling her into your arms. "what's wrong?"

yoona's body began to wrack, and your shoulder slowly became wet.

"i miss yunjin."

you'd never be yunjin.

"i do too." you nodded.

"unnie," yoona sobbed harder, "it hurts."

she was right. it hurt everywhere. in your joints, in your muscles, in your brain, in your heart.

"i know, baby." you blinked the tears away. "it'll get better."

"i miss her so much." you felt yoona adjust her head, crying into your neck, "unnie, i love her."

you swallowed. now wasn't the time to cry,

"i know." you rubbed her back. "just cry it out, baby."

she fell asleep ten minutes later, and lily woke up to you sobbing next to yoona.

you wondered if butterflies, though beautiful, could be poisonous.

you have heard stories of animals trying to eat them, and though you lacked knowledge about the topic, you couldn't help but wonder. it would make sense if they did. something so beautiful must have some downsides.

perhaps the butterfly had made other animals sick to the stomach instead. animals could no longer eat or sleep due to the butterfly and perhaps, that is what leads to their death.

you wondered when you were going to die from this.

"you can't keep doing this to yourself."

doing what exactly? the girls knew. everyone knew except for yoona. shin yuna, an old friend of yours, had even offered to grab lunch with you just so you could eat something.

but yoona was crying in the practice room again, and you couldn't leave her there.

"i don't know what you're talking about, haewon."

"you do." haewon sighed, the lines between her eyebrows evident. she was glad most of the girls had gone out. kyujin looked between the both of you, slightly flustered. "lily-unnie is getting worried. she said you aren't talking to her anymore."

"i'm fine." you muttered, trying to see the tv. "leave me alone."

"you aren't fine." haewon grabbed the remote, hastily turning it off. "stop pretending you are."

you stood up, looking your leader in the eye with an icy glare. "i'm fine."

haewon scoffed. you didn't terrify her. you were just hurt, and she was tired of everyone trying to gently usher you to open up.

"why are you letting yoona hurt you like that, huh?" haewon squinted, the pain in your eyes shining through.

"shut up."

"are you upset yunjin is gone?" haewon continued, a finger on your chest as she pushed you back on the couch. "or are you avoiding it?"

kyujin stood up, palms clammy at the sight of the two of you fighting. "haewon-unnie, stop."

"no." haewon said sternly. "y/n. you need to tell me or i swear to god-"

"unnie-"

"she's being selfish, kyujin! it's affecting the group." she turned to you. "our group."

"you've got it fucking wrong."

kyujin chuckled slightly, trying to pull the leader away before the two of you started brawling in the living room.

"then tell me!" haewon yelled, her glare matching yours. "tell me why you're messing up choreo. tell me why your voice is cracking during recordings. are you upset? are you hurt?"

"unnie, please."

haewon shook kyujin's arm off. "what the fuck is it?!"

"i'm in love with yoona." you scoffed, tears in your eyes. "okay? are you fucking happy?"

you watched as haewon looked away, while kyujin refused to tear her eyes away from you.

"i'm in love with yoona, and she's in love with yunjin, and i can't even process her leaving because i have to comfort yoona who cries about her all the damn time."

"y/n-"

"and i'm tired!" you yelled, laughing as streams of tears finally poured down your face. "my body is always fucking sore! i can't breathe on stage because it reminds me of yunjin, and i can't fucking sleep because i'm too busy trying to be quiet so yoona doesn't hear my cry myself to sleep because she'll never love me!"

haewon stared at you as you continued to laugh, burying your face in your hands.

"unnie." kyujin whispered softly, sitting next to you.

"i'm sorry." you didn't know who you were apologizing to. maybe it was the girls, maybe it was yunjin, maybe yoona. "i'm... so sorry."

"unnie..."

"i'm trying." you looked up at haewon, eyes teary. "i'm just... so tired."

she understood, and all you needed was someone to understand.

"sleep in my room tonight." haewon looked away, wiping the stray tears in her eyes. "that's a leader's demand."

"i don't want to." you shook your head. yoona would need you tonight, to hold her together.

haewon glared at you.

"fine."

the leader smiled.

"can i come?" kyujin asked, pouting her lips slightly.

later that night, you slept in between the two. haewon nearly smothered you in your sleep while kyujin snored so loud that you nearly burst an eardrum.

you haven't slept that well since you were a trainee.

you've been sleeping beside haewon and kyujin for two weeks straight, and today was the first time you entered your shared room with lily.

"are you okay?"

you looked at her.

"i know about yoona" she sat next to you as you packed your stuff on the floor. "i'm your roommate. you think i don't hear you crying after she falls asleep?"

you swallowed your tears and embarrassment back. "sorry."

the room went silent, and lily could help but feel disappointed in herself. you were like a little sister to her, and she should've gone to you the moment she knew something was wrong. she had been too focused on yunjin to find time for you.

"it probably hurts, huh?" you felt lily rub your back, and you tried to blink your tears away.

you nodded, sniffling as you continued to pack.

lily was the older sister you had always wished for. she was the type to try to cook for you, but end up with a batch of burnt pancakes on the firey stove. her voice was a familiar soothing that could break down your walls.

but being the only child, you had the facade of independence. you could take care of yourself, but only physically. yunjin needed the two of you more than you needed lily.

still, you were like lily's younger sister.

she sighed, watching tears fall down your face. it was the first time in five years that she's seen you cry.

"have haewon and kyujin been helping?"

you nodded again. "yes."

tears started flowing faster, and all you wanted was to cry. you hung your head low, not wanting someone you cared about to see you in a state like this.

"i'm sorry you thought you couldn't go to me." lily moved her head lower, trying to look you in the eye. "but as long as you had someone, i'm okay."

you looked at her. "you're not mad?"

"why would i be mad?" her heart broke at the sight of you.

you thought of many things that she could be mad at you for; for falling in love with a girl, for falling in love with a member, etc. but the worst one was definitely your feelings about yunjin.

in a small voice you whispered, "i'm upset because of yunjin."

"no. of course i'm not mad." lily smiled, her eyes shining with unshed tears. your words tore threw her. "did you think i'd be mad? is that why you didn't go to me?"

you nodded, eyes meeting lily's.

the older girl smiled through her tears. "i'm sorry."

"it's okay."

"it's not." lily frowned. "i'm your unnie."

"unnie," you laughed, nearly choking on your spit. "you're barely a year older."

"still." lily hugged you, and the barrier broke. with haewon and kyujin, you were holding back, but this time it was different. "why can't you just leave it all for me, huh?"

"it's okay." lily rubbed your back, tears falling as you struggled to breath. "don't cry."

cold. you needed the cold.

"lily-unnie." you whined.

"i know."

she turned on the fan beside her.

haewon kept telling you that it was a good thing that you were gaining weight.

your cheeks were fuller than they had ever been (jinsol and jiwoo were ecstatic), and though your figure wasn't as lean as it used to be, you were no longer severely underweight.

"you've been hanging out with haewon a lot." yoona muttered as the two of you got changed to go home.

haewon had basically kicked jinsol out and made her switch with kyujin so it would be more convenient for the three of you to have 'growing time' or whatever she called it during that one live.

you've been over in their dorm for almost a month straight, and you hadn't 'seen' yoona since then.

you nodded. "i have."

"i never see you anymore." yoona pouted, and you never wanted to kiss her more. "i miss you."

you couldn't. yoona was beautiful, but she was deadly.

"i miss you too." you said dully.

yoona blinked, watching as you turned away from her. it was as if she had gotten impaled by a sharp rod straight through her chest.

"unnie." worry burnt up inside her. "did i do something?"

"no, of course not." you told her in a monotone voice as you took off your shirt. it was like lava being poured into her ears. "you did nothing wrong, yoona."

you felt distant, like she was on the sun and you were back on earth. hot tears poured from her eyes as her body nearly imploded.

she hated the heat.

you turned around to find yoona staring at you, tears pouring onto her newly changed shirt.

"why are you crying?" you rushed to her, wiping her eyes, still without a top.

she closed her eyes, feeling your cold hands against her face.

"you never call me yoona." she blubbered. she was losing you, and if losing yunjin broke her, losing you would make it irreparable.

you frowned, kissing her soundly as if it was the only thing to stop her tears from falling.

yoona gripped your back, searching for anything that was cold. the skin on your back, soft like the clouds blowing across the field, and the dip of your neck, smooth like the wind across the sea. she needed the cold.

she needed you.

"do you like haewon-unnie?" yoona pulled away, tracing your cheek with her thumb.

beautiful, she thought.

"as a friend?" you looked at her, confused. "yes."

she kissed you again, your lips cold against hers.

"unnie," yoona asked. "you're not gonna leave me, right?"

you shook your head.

"no."

it got better before it got worse.

the release of your b-track had mixed reviews, albeit better than o.o, but many fans had accused you of trying to replace yunjin. death threats piled up in your inbox, and the ceo of jyp had to put out a public statement in order to lessen the hate.

it didn't matter. they still hated you, and you couldn't help but agree.

the yoona situation had gotten out of control once more. it was like a cycle. no matter how hard you tried to leave her, she was always going to be a part of you. yoona was addictive.

you ended up throwing yourself into work once more, losing the weight that you once gained in a blink of an eye. your members and your staff, even yoona, had noticed and tried to pull you away from it.

her worries no longer centered on a certain ex-member, but on you instead. instead of crying in your arms, she'd try ushering you into her bed, wrapping her arms around you as she coaxed you to sleep. she'd bake cookies, no longer as a distraction but as a way to get you to eat.

yoona was living for you.

but nothing could save you from the pain that you had begun to use as a distraction. the sleepless nights were spent dancing in front of a studio mirror, practicing until your muscles ached, until you were about to pass out.

(one time, TWICE had walked in on you practicing at 7am, right when they were about to start. jihyo ended up talking to haewon later that week.)

you kept running away from the criticism, from the hate, from yoona... from yunijn.

you wished you were brave like yunjin.

"y/nnie." haewon called out, laying flat on the living room floor.

"haewon."

she looked at you, a smile on her face. "if you need to, you should."

you looked away.

"we'll be waiting." haewon said, turning her head to the ceiling. she heard you sniffle. "we'll be fine. me and lily-unnie will be here."

you took a deep breath in.

"and me too!"

"jang kyujin!" haewon yelled, making the younger girl squeak. "stop eavesdropping!"

a faint sorry could be heard from the room, and you couldn't help but chuckle through your tears.

"can i really?" hope. you felt hope. "you won't get mad?"

"no." haewon sighed. she sat up to face you, your eyes and angry red. "are you gonna tell-"

"can you?"

"okay." haewon nodded. "i'll go get the girls and our manager."

yunjin was brave. so were you.

"yoona."

"unnie." yoona smiled at the girl who greeted her at the door. the cool air of spring blew behind her. "where's y/n-unnie? she's been stressed out this week so i'm gonna ask if she wants to go to the butterfly festival with me."

"yoona." haewon closed her eyes, closing the door behind her to conserve the hot air in the dorm. "she's not gonna be with us for awhile."

yoona's face dropped before she smiled once more. you wouldn't leave her, you promised.

"like a variety show?"

"yoona."

"what?"

"yoona."

yoona hates the heat. she'd much rather bask in the cold.

Hello, this is JYPE.

We would like to inform you about NMIXX member Y/n's current health situation and her further participation in NMIXX.

Currently, Y/n is struggling with depression and psychological burnout regarding her career. After extensive discussion with Y/n and members of NMIXX, we have decided that Y/n's current condition requires additional treatment, professional measures, and sufficient rest.

We value our artists’ mental and physical health more than anything, so we inform you that Y/n will be unable to attend NMIXX's activities until further notice. We will keep you updated on any changes in the future.

We ask for your love and support for Y/n's full recovery.

Thank you.

> main masterlist.

[louisferrignojr]

the anti bucktommy people are really funny sometimes earlier i saw a post by someone who clearly has an issue with the age difference (that we don't even really know and is possibly only like 7 years) and they said when tommy went to tell buck eddie can have more than one friend it sounded like he was reprimanding a child so it's weird they kissed after that. genuinely the funniest shit i've ever seen.

even if it was DOUBLE that - it doesn't matter. two people who are in their 30s & 40s dating is such a non issue.

like i don't know why the age gap discourse has taken such a wild swing in the wrong direction. it was always supposed to be as a heads up, this is what you should look out for so that young people can be aware if they're being groomed by older people. like if ur 25 being pursued by a 40+ maybe take a minute and check if ur relationship is healthy, if they're being jealous, controlling, possessive, if there's a power imbalance, if you can safely exit the relationship, etc. because it is a problem unfortunately, every other day there's a young woman on redditships complaining about her much older partner and its literally a horror story.

but honestly? in this case, i think they're grasping at straws. trying to find anything to make the ship seem problematic, anything to vilify Tommy. they'll continue to do it in s8, every new Tommy appearance, every new thing we learn about him, they'll twist it to make him look like a bad guy, to make the Buck and Tommy relationship appear Problematic™ mark my words

and finally; good for Tommy! sometimes when ur friend is acting like a jealous 12 yr old brat you might have a right to talk to them like that! god forbid queer men do anything

[snailonasunflower]

Age regressive or not, these 15 seconds are one of the funniest things I've ever seen in a kid's show and I kinda sorta need everyone to see it

[theadhddragon]

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[libraryofglitter]

Nothing is worse than being obsessed with a show no one else has seen so PLEASE WATCH DEADLOCH.

It's one of the funniest things I've ever seen. It has lots of middle-aged lesbians, Australian accents and a really compelling murder mystery. Plus one of the two main characters is a woman who canonically never showers and doesn't change her clothes for like 4 episodes. She makes herself a sandal using cardboard and tape. If you like weird disgusting women please please watch Deadloch I'm begging you

(Oh and Madeleine Sami, who plays the weird woman called Eddie, is gonna be in OFMD season 2 and I already know she's gonna be perfect!)

[getvalentined]

I love when folks ask me Fandom Old questions and I get to be like "Yeah, uh, that's from my old online RP group, no it's not canon at all, yes we just made it up, no we did not claim it was canon but the mid to late aughts were a strange time."

It's honestly a shock to realize how often this has happened. I mentioned earlier that Reno's fanon surname came from this same group, but that's not even the half of it. I once made a bunch of screenshot manips based on the most ridiculous ships anyone could think of—someone slapped a random line of text onto one of them and to this day it's used as a "cringe FF7 fandom" meme. I saw it on the twits a bit back and almost fell out of my goddamn chair.

If you've ever heard Scarlet referred to with the surname "West," read about Tseng fighting with metal fans, seen Elena's older sister being called Anna instead of Emma, come across Vincent portrayed as having a PhD in spite of being a Turk, or caught references somewhere to Grimoire experimenting on Vincent as a child, that started with this group. That was us.

One of the funniest examples of this, for me specifically, is that we don't actually know which arm Veld is missing? The fandom generally goes with his left because that's how I drew him in the first picture of the guy ever posted on devart way back in 2005, but it may very well be his right. I've seen people offer "proof" that it's his right based on a scene in the opening cutscene, but you can't tell there either, and with BC's graphics there's literally no way to tell on his sprite.

Hell, this year we found out everyone's assumed timeline of the Kalm fire is wrong, and that's our fault too because we made some assumptions about Felicia's age for an LJ RP that were entirely wrong. She's around Zack's age, not Sephiroth's! She's old enough to run with a terrorist group in BC, but she was a child when Kalm burned, and that happened in 1997—we know this because NPCs in Rebirth literally refer to the fire in Kalm having happened "just ten years ago." Veld has only had his prosthetic for three years when BC starts. (This also implies that, contrary to popular belief, Veld may actually be younger than Vincent. Vincent may have been the senior partner, and that's why he was sent to Nibelheim alone while Veld was left at headquarters.)

We were really wrong on this! But we were working with what we had. There's no canon evidence for the vast majority of these things (the most notable exclusion here is Vincent being educated) but we weren't claiming there was. We were filling gaps, and canon was so sparse that we had a lot of gaps to fill. So if it turns out that Veld lost his right arm, then I'll just have to start drawing him that way—because losing his left was never canon.

Tragically, there's nothing any of us can do to make people stop assuming these things are canon at this point; there aren't a lot of us still in the fandom, and it's not like any of us have those old chatlogs anymore. People from this RP group have DIED since those days. It's been over 20 years since most of us met, and around 15 since most of us were in a public fannish space together.

"Prove it," people say, and I literally can't. Do you know how many computers I've been through since then? 75% of the platforms we used no longer exist. This all started on a BBCode forum! There is no proof!

But...there's no evidence any of these things are canon, either, so maybe think about that? The Kalm fire, Tseng's weapon of choice, Veld's arm, character surnames—none of these are retcons because there was no lore there to retcon. We made it up for our specific purposes, and it escaped containment in an era when there was really no way to do online contact tracing.

It's just one of the weirdest feelings in the world to see younger folk arguing about A or B point in canon, about X or Y retcon—referencing something my friends and I thought up at like 10 o'clock at night on a now-defunct IM client in August of 2005, because we needed something to refer back to for a specific scene in an RP and the source material had nothing to offer.

Absolutely fucking bonkers.

[amplexadversary]

Okay I've gleefully derailed posts before but this is a big derail and kind of dumb so I'm linking it.

When I watch the linked video, I end up thinking of Allenby gossiping about the shuffles, and now I need to headcanon who would likely say what bullshit.

-"I'm going to shit your pants." -> I could see this coming from a few people. Sai is a little fucker, he would make this threat and mean it. Chibodee would say it facetiously. Domon (while I headcanon him to be pretty good with languages) probably isn't above a gaffe where he means to say "I'm going to make you shit your pants," but misspeaks (probably when the guys are getting really rowdy and distracting and everybody's talking over each other.)

-"A duck the size of a tiger would have to be quite stout, I don't know that I could vanquish such a foe." -> George, though he'd choose different words than the video.

-"I'm all wet because Allenby dropped her phone in the river and I jumped in to get it. I can't find it though, can somebody call it while my head is underwater?" -> Domon would do this reflexively. Chibodee probably would as well.

-"I think it's time I come clean, I don't actually understand how wind works." -> Sai would be the funniest person to admit this, with his wind-based super move.

-"toodaloo, kangaroos" -> Domon, because someone told him it's a thing people say in English and he's kind of gullible.

-"Why the hell do we all have identical jackets? I can never find mine. Oh, but it's probably the one with my name on it though." -> while Domon or Chibodee would probably be the most likely to have this kind of brain fart, I think it's funnier if a very tired George says this (... ignore they fact that they don't have matching anything).

-On Monday Sai dared me to eat a spider, so I did. But then later that day I was running up the hill and shit my pants a little. I think those two things were related. -> I'd believe this from three of them in different contexts. Chibodee impulsively agreed to the challenge and admits this because hes mad about it. Argo ate the spider to humor Sai and is trying to discourage the rest of the group from making a similar mistake. Domon ate the spider because Kyoji didnt not have nearly enough chances to teach Domon to be weary of this exact kind of siblingeque horseshit, and we know from how he responds to Master Asia that Domon will just do things that you tell him to. He admits it, begrudgingly, because everybody wants to know why he bailed on them for several hours.

-"Do you guys think my shirt is cute? Too bad, I'm taking it off." "You're cute that way too." -> I could see George and Chibodee, in any order. Chibodee and Domon would only be believable if they're together, and with a massive time skip for them to get comfortable over.

-"My idol is that one dude who ate an entire airplane, love that guy, don't know his name." -> Argo, sarcastically, when Chibodee makes some remark about his physique and asks "what do you eat, sheet metal?"

-"Guys I think I watched the wrong Zootopia." -> Argo probably doesn't only pirate physical goods in the space age. He got a joke translation.

-"Domon, what type of feed does Fuunsaiki like, we want to make him a cake for his birthday." -> I feel like this is George and Argo's planning, and I could see either of them being the one to ask.

-[musing about Ice Age squirrel heteronormativity] -> I think Chibodee's the only one who could reasonably have seen it. He also dyes his hair two colors of the bisexual flag and wears the third so I can see him being annoyed by it.

-"I failed to locate a bear suit, does anybody have a spare bear suit?" -> Tbh this one could be any of them, except George, who is listening with his head in his hands.

-[quoting the infamous Snapcube Eggman rant] -> This is either Sai Saici, or Argo lost a bet to Sai Saici and was told to recite this. Sai is the only one of them I can buy being chronically online enough to reference this. Chibodee looks up Shadow and immediately asks Domon if it's his fursona, which backfires because the only other person in the room who knows what a furry is is Sai.

-"Why aren't you being silly? You promised you would be silly with me." -> ARGO. Said with a straight face to George. (Sai would be too low-hanging-fruit here, but I guarantee he's also looking at George expectantly. Admittedly, part of why I can see this coming from Argo is because of choices the dub made with how he speaks.)

-"Rain sent me this picture. I thought she was telling me that she was pregnant, but this is a covid test. She does have covid." -> Domon. Also worded a little differently than the original. While he did spend half his childhood in a jungle with Master Asia, he's probably seen pregnancy tests in drug stores when they have to make very occasional supply runs. Sai has probably also showed everyone the meme where people would edit a pregnancy test into various pictures.