#this was so fun and easier than i thought tbh

[the-hell-event-ate-my-gems]

A little opinion about Kalim and Jamil relationship ( mentions of their dream but nothing too big or specific) (+ I'll also make a parallel with Leona and Ruggie relationship)

Tbh I don't see an easy way to fix their friendship....

...Yes, they are both two children trapped in the adult game; and Jamil doesn't want to hate Kalim, he hates those who have something they don't deserve when he can't have anything for himself, Kalim represents this, but Kalim is kind to him, so Jamil hates himself for hating Kalim because Kalim will never make it easy, Kalim will never be like "them" and Kalim... Kalim was left in the dark, not knowing half of Jamil's problems or understanding Jamil's wounds.

It is possible to draw a small parallel between Jamil and Leona

Both are dissatisfied with the system of their own world, but Leona internalizes the hatred he feels in a spiral of self-destruction and Jamil externalizes this by becoming cynical and bitter towards others who he believes do not deserve the position they have.

And thinking about it, the difference between Leona and Jamil is that Leona accepted help. He accepted Ruggie by his side, they worked together, do evil things together, laugh together.

In Leona's nightmare, the one who is against him is Ruggie, because Leona, in his depression, doesn't see himself as worthy of that trust, but in Ruggie's dream, Leona is a glorious king, someone who gave food and school to everyone equally, where everyone celebrates and sees Leona as good as he sees the leon. However Jamil and Kalim... Jamil didn't accept help, he rejected it... (I'll not do a big spoiler of their dream) but in Kalim's dream, he and Jamil are happy because Kalim always thought that Jamil was always happy in his position, so that desire to do parties and make everyone happy because he believed that Jamil liked it too, and the truth is that Jamil felt exploited... Without a voice... where no one would ever help him in anything and just give him more work....

Kalim wanted the past back because he thinks Jamil was happy in the past but Jamil... Jamil is so hurt and bitten by the system....

Leona and Ruggie are aware that they are both trapped in the system, but they see themselves as equals

Leona apologized to Ruggie and the other accepted it. Leona doesn't see himself as worthy of that trust, but Ruggie still trusts him because the basis of their relationship is this crazy sincerity that they both have with each other. (You can see it as platonic, family or romantic but their bond is - as Rook describes - strong as diamond)

Jamil and Kalim don't have that.

Jamil was given to Kalim as a servant and no matter how kind and fun Kalim is, he will never understand how Jamil is trapped in this system, because no matter how good Kalim is, Jamil will never be anything more or less than a servant, a voiceless slave.

Now in Kalim's view... oh my sweet summer child, Kalim has traumas, he was kidnapped several times and these kidnappings were probably of people Kalim trusted, uncles or family friends or even brothers without magic. So Jamil's betrayal shows that he is alone, that he can't even trust Jamil, the one he thought would be his best friend and trusted servant. And this makes him a little angry and cold towards Jamil and rightly so, because Jamil's betrayal hurt him deeply.

And it is because of these dynamics that it is easier to see Leona and Ruggie together in a happy future than Jamil and Kalim side by side in a future

Because Kalim's kindness blinds him to Jamil's wounds....

[franeridan]

Thinking about the paths in hsr and how some inform so much about the characters once you figure out the logic behind them, and specifically about ratio longing for nous's recognition but following lan's path - he's obviously a scholar, so him being an erudition character would have made a lot of sense when you don't think too deeply about it, but despite characters with less ties to knowledge walking that path ratio does not. He follows the path of the hunt. And that's a very cool fact about him imho

During his quest screwllum says that more than a scholar he feels like ratio's a doctor with the way he tries to cure people of their ignorance, which isn't strictly wrong and I love that about him (and I love about screwllum that he thinks so poetically too), but the way I see it ratio really is a hunter. He does follow lan's path, when you think about it. His travels are all about his fight against ignorance, after all. Thinking about him and his relationship to the aeons really put a lot of things about the paths into perspective for me - I thought the paths were somewhat more literal, but after all it's about the driving force behind a character's actions, is it not?

Nous is the unrelenting pursuit of the truth, of knowledge and information, and that's why someone like argenti follows that path despite being the furthest thing from a scholar you could think of - his travels are first and foremost about finding the truth about idrila, after all. On the other hand ratio isn't actively devoting his life to finding a truth or amassing more knowledge, and that's why nous won't look at him. He is extremely intelligent and competent, and he does value learning above all else, but his main pursuit is to use that knowledge to rid the universe of ignorance, and that's why he follows lan's path - the hunt is the path of those devoting their life to fighting against something, in the end, be it a literal enemy or a figurative one.

It's really really interesting to me? There's a ton of characters that are given depth by understanding their path, I love to think about it

[phagodyke]

told my coworker I just started elden ring and he was like fuck me playing souls games is more stressful than a full time job I had to quit ER when I started this job so I could just chill out when I got home instead.... 💀

[nexus-nebulae]

actually making a concerted effort to learn written japanese (since I've learned a small amount of spoken already) and. oh boy did not realise how hard it is for my brain to learn new symbols

[mysicklove]

𝐏𝐔𝐑𝐑 𝐎𝐅 𝐀𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

DAY 15: HYBRIDS

With: Megumi Fushiguro

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: Sub + cat hybrid! Megumi, AFAB + owner! reader but no pronouns, reader is implied to be smaller than him, vaginal penetration, creampie, slight breeding kink, birthcontrol mentioned and used, purring/licking/mewling, he calls you his "mate" and u tease him bout it, needy megumi,

A/N: i had alot of fun with this one tbh. but also I usually write gn! reader, so dealing with readers pleasure is so hard to write about lol. i am so used to only catering to what feels good to the character.

Owning a cat was way easier than you thought it was going to be. Well, at least owning a cat hybrid was. Megumi, your adorable, slightly temperamental, and moody black cat has been living with you for about five years now, and you love him desperately.

He stays at home while you go off to work each day, but he never complains, instead just sleeps the day away. In fact, you tried introducing him to the neighbor’s hybrid, a lab named Yuuji as a playmate, but he blatantly refused, growing annoyed almost immediately at how upbeat the dog was. Megumi preferred silence, sunbathing, sleeping, and your full attention. He was okay being at home alone until you got back.

He currently lays on the carpet, curling up in the warmth of the light, and dozing off when he hears the sound of your keys working their way into the hole. His ears dart toward the noise, and a smile creeps up his face, but his eyes remain shut, and he pretends to be asleep.

You open the door and sigh, eyes darting around the apartment to find your cat. When you catch him on the floor sleeping, you smile, shutting the door behind you and setting your stuff down on the counter. You make your way over him, dropping to your knees, and then finally laying down next to him. 

You stare at his relaxed, content face, and begin to reach out to touch him affectionately. He grabs your hand before you make contact with his skin, and pulls it forward, pulling you into his chest. Then he wraps his arms around your boddy, intertwines the two of your legs, and nuzzles his face on top of your head, purring gently. 

“Hi Megumi,” You mumble against his chest. “You are so warm.”

He nods, tail swinging behind him. “Been in the sun all day,” He breathes, and you hum, curling up against him. “...Missed you,” Megumi whispers lowly, still rubbing his cheek against your head.

You chuckle at him. “Oh whose this? My Megumi would never say something so sappy,” You tease, pulling away to look up at him.

He pouts, ears falling flat on his head as he rolls his eyes. “Am I not allowed to miss my mate?” He complains, but licks a stripe up your hair, still purring. 

You groan when you feel his inhumane tongue lick your face. “Hey, stop it. No grooming, humans don’t do this.” You try to push him away, but he ignores you, wrapping his arms tighter around you and pulling you closer. 

His purrs grow louder when you finally give up, and you watch his tail swing back and forth from behind him. He licks at your face, and then your hair, and finally your neck. You shiver slightly, still not used to the attention even after all these years. “You stink,” Megumi mumbles into your neck, using his tongue to wipe away some of the gross scents that clung to you.

“You want me to take a shower?” 

He grips you harder, shaking his head into your skin. You feel his crotch press into your backside, and you raise your eyebrows, but don’t say anything. “S’fine. I don't like it when my mate smells like other men though.” He rubs his neck onto any surface he can, scent marking you as his.

You roll your eyes, but smile. He was being strangely affectionate today. Usually, it was you who has to initiate physical contact and doting words. “Just coworkers, possessive cat. What’s got you all worked up today?”

His hips move closer to yours, beginning to grind himself on you. “Wanna do it,” he whispers, so low that you could barely hear him. His cheeks pinken, but you can't see them, so you cant tease him about it.

You move your hips backward, meeting him halfway. He lets out an airy breath onto the back of your neck, and you shiver at the feeling. “Yeah? You haven’t been thinking about it all day, have you?”

He feels his cheeks begin to burn. “Shut up.” A definite yes. His semi-hard cock continues to grind on your clothes, and you sigh at the feeling. You quickly manevour yourself to turn to look at him, and he pouts slightly, ears drooping, from the loss of stimulation. You roll your eyes with a grin, and tug at his pants. “Right now? H-Here?” He stutters, but helps you pull down his pants, obviously not too against the idea.

“Don’t get so nervous on me now. What happened to my brave cat who was basically grinding himself on me just a couple seconds ago?” You tease, kissing at his neck and pulling a small mewl from him. He gulps, baring his neck slightly to let you plant more kisses on it. He grips onto the back of your head with shaky hands, encouraging the action.

You slip your hands into his boxers and he gasps, mouth hanging slightly open and eyes squeezing shut from the attention. You pull it out, and then proceed to pull your pants down. “Hurry,” He demands, tilting your head up to kiss you. 

It's a desperate sort of kiss, both of his hands cup your face and bring you impossibly closer to him. It makes it harder to remove your clothing, and you can feel him begin to grind onto your stomach. 

You are forced to pull away to unbutton your pants, and he whines in complaint. “Such a spoiled brat,” You tease affectionately, “Cant go one minute without being touched? Are all kitties this needy?”

He looks away from you, pouting again, but you just giggle and kiss his jaw, finally removing your panties. “Don’t know. Don’t wanna think bout it. Do you not like when I am needy?”

He holds back a smug smile, knowing that this will definitely give him brownie points. He is right of course, because the next second you are littering his face and neck with kisses, while he purrs, soaking all the attention up. “Of course not. You are so cute needy.” 

He nods, smart enough to know that an argument will break out if he doesn't. So he smiles contently, melting under you and your soft touches. Finally, you grab his cock and press it against your entrance. Megumis mouth waters at the feeling, the warm welcoming sensation of your folds. 

“Do you…uh…Don't you need to be prepp–oh fuck,” He groans, throwing his head back as you sink onto his cock without much hesitation. You sigh into his chest, adjusting to his length — he was slightly bigger than adverage, and every time you take it, it always feels like a stretch, but it was an addicting sensation.

The two of you turn to where he lays on his back, and you on top of him, chest to chest. He grabs at your hips, hands shaking as he restrains himself from moving you up and down on his length. His eyes are screwed shut and his ears are pinned to his head. “Hey, relax. Why are you so tense? It’s okay for you to move, sweetheart.”

He heaves a sigh of relief, and nods, while you bring your hands up to pet his ears. He leans into the touch, purrs increasing in volume as he lifts your hips up and back down. He repeats the motion a couple of time, pants getting louder and half lidded eyes peering down at you. You in return have your own blush, its softer than his, but definitely noticeable. “I…Can I…Fuck this is so–Can I thrust…into you?”

He fumes red, and he turns his face into the carpet, embarrassed by his lewd words. Even after all this time, he is unbelievably shy, and can never voice what he wants in bed. “So polite! Must of trained you well.” He nods, ears flickering to you at your sweet words. “Of course, kitty. Dont gotta ask, ‘m all yours.”

Immediately he wraps his arms around you, pinning you to his chest, and begins to thrust upward. Your eyes widen slightly at his pace, and the roughness of it all, and you groan into his skin. He moans at the feeling, breath heavy, matching his pace. “Oh fuck. This. This I was–fuckkk—waiting for this all day!”

You pant into his chest, a smile pulling at your lips. “Y-Yeah?” You encourage, and he nods with a hum. Loud slapping of skin on skin fills the room, and his tail reaches up to wrap around your wrist. His cheeks are stained a permanent pink, and his chest rises and falls quickly with every pant. 

You managed to shakily reach up to his ears, grabbing the both of them and giving them a small tug. He yelps slightly, back arching, but then moans into the touch. It was cute, he was super temperamental about the black ears. On some days he wanted you to pet and rub them, on others he wanted you to pull and abuse the sensitive areas. Today was the latter.

“Was–Was fucking my hand thinking bout you. Not as good. My mate is so warm,” His voice vibrates with a purr, and you chuckle at him above the lewd noises. It was endearing to watch his body succumb to pleasure. His voice always held a purr, but he still managed to make every human like sound with the addition to the vibration.

Eventually he flips the two of you over, his arms caging you in under him, as he licks and kisses your neck. “Mhmmm. Mine, mine, my mate. Love you. Love you so much,” He chants into your ear, biting at the lobe while continuing to thrust into you at a merciless pace.

“S-So talkative today,” You mumble, gripping onto the carpet at a particularly harsh thrust. Usually, you were the one leading the dirty talk. He whimpers at the words, pressing his entire body on top of yours. He liked to be touching, and as much skin as he could, the better, but of course he would never admit that outloud. 

“Dont know why. Just missed you. Fuck I missed you. Why do you leave for so long?” He complains between breaths, his voice holding a dramatic whine to it. He nuzzles his face into your neck, scenting the area while you reach back and scratch his ears. “Why–Why…Hah.. Can’t you stay here with me? Th-Thought you loved me.”

He was being unreasonable and the both of you knew it, but today he was being weirdly sappy and clingy, so you didn’t mind having to reassure him. “Love you so much. You know why.” You feel his teeth graze into your skin, and he probably has his ears pinned back. “Ill try to work from home more, how does that sound?”

He nods, mewling happily to himself. Then he goes back to panting into your skin, licking and biting any surface he can lay his mouth on. You dont try to stop him, knowing if you do, he will probably get all pouty.

“Can I cum? P-Please? Been good, right?” He hasn’t really, other than the sweet words he has let out, he has not be gentle at all. You will probably be stumbling by tomorrow. His pace is desperate, frantic even, that makes you begin to lose your mind.

But he was feeling good, and your thoughts were draining anyways. “Sure, love, I’m c-close too,” You sigh, closing your eyes and pressing your face against the carpet as you begin to feel that tightening feeling build up.

He gulps and nods, kissing your cheek. “Inside? Please?” His words come out as a whisper, obviously hesitant about the question. He has been day dreaming about this for weeks, to finally cum inside you, but never mustered up the courage to ask. Today, he was feeling good, and you seemed to be happy at his behavior, so it was the best time to ask.

Your orgasm hits you out of the blue, and you are left trembling on the floor. Your eyes roll back slightly and you heave, “S’fine Megumi. J-Just cum!” You were on birthcontrol, it was okay just this once. Your thoughts were scrambled from the intensity of your orgasm.

His pace picks up again and you shiver at the feeling, while he lets out low mewls and purrs, happy at your choice. “Im cumming. Thank you, thank you,” He mumbles into your ear, and then latches onto your neck as he shoves himself as deep inside of you as possible, and cums.

He throws his head back and groans, arms trembling. It feels so much better than cumming inside a condom or pulling out. You are so warm, and the idea of the possibility of him breeding you, leaves him shivering with glee. He would never tell you this of course, you would most definitely call him a perv or an animal.

He collapses on top of you, practically glowing, and purring happily from above. He flips the two of you over so that you are back on his chest, peering up at him. His face is damp with sweat, and his cheeks are flushed pink, but he wears a small, content smile. 

You feel cum begin to ooze out of you and you groan. “Ugh, now I definitely need a shower.” He cringes at the words, and you laugh. “Can’t believe you hate water, you are such a sterotypical cat.” He frowns, and rolls his eyes, not responding, because you are completely right.

“Aw cmon, mate, dont get all pouty now,” You tease, and his eyes flash to you in an instant. His cheeks turn a vicious red, and he covers his face with his hand,

“...Call me that again,” Megumi whispers, so low that you could barely hear him.

You raise your eyebrows, cocking your head to the side. “My mate?”

He begins to purr again, hands wrapping around your back to pull you up closer to him. He leans in, and hesitantly presses his lips to yours, pulling back slightly to mumble, “'m hard again.”

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[mydadleft471]

For The Love Of A Daughter

Summary: After getting caught looking for food to feed your daughter, Lord Messmer takes pity on you and extends mercy.

Spoilers for Elden Ring and Shadow of the Erdtree. Slight warning for descriptions of violence and death.

This was requested by anonymous! I'll link the request here. This was SO MUCH FUN. I've never really wrote anything involving young children before, so I'm going off of the scant interactions I've had with some younger family members. I've also never wrote for a GN! reader. It was easier than I thought lmao. Thank you for the request anon!

I'm really considering making this a series tbh! If you'd like to see more, please let me know! I could've spent the whole day writing but I need to go eat lmao. (I've been writing for 2 hours help)

As always, thank you so much for reading, liking, commenting, and reblogging! I haven't had this much fun writing in such a long time and it makes me so unbelievably happy that I'm able to write things that make other people happy. Hope everyone enjoys!

Your lungs were on fire.

You hadn’t stopped running from the moment you entered the Land of Shadow. A few Tarnished once accompanied you, but they had been slain and you had no choice to move on for your sake and hers.

The little girl carefully strapped to your shoulders was maybe about 4 years old. You’d found her in the rubble of an old village in Caelid accompanied by two corpses, most likely her mother and father. Her sweet green eyes pierced yours and you knew you couldn’t leave her there. You were never much of a fighter anyways. Your hands were gentle and steady and your nerves did not hold strong in the throes of battle.

She only had one thing with her: a golden locket with a piece of folded paper inside with the name Jasmine written on it. You were unsure if that was her name or her mother’s, but you called her that. You found it fitting for her.

Currently, you were running from a pack of armed men all wielding the same unnatural fire. You had carefully snuck up to a dark looking castle in search of any food you could find, when suddenly, guards had honed in on your position and you ran for it, not knowing if they would be kind to you and your child.

Booking it straight for a charred town, you tried to maneuver your way around its buildings to confuse the men chasing you. After randomly choosing directions to turn and heading down a few alleyways, you found your way to a staircase. You squeezed yourself down into it, hoping that you were out of sight to go unnoticed.

You heard the thundering of footsteps approach your position and you held your breath. Jasmine began to squirm from where she was attached to your shoulders, so you quietly repositioned her in your arms. Her little hands meekly clutched your arm; it had been two days since she had last had something semi-filling.

You froze as you heard the sound of clanking metal approaching you. A man ducked down and his eyes found yours, your heart nearly stopping. He shouted to alert the other guards and they soon surrounded you. You couldn’t see them, but you heard so many footsteps. You were found.

“Come out, or we’ll drag you out.”

Slowly, you slid yourself from your hiding place, clutching Jasmine to your chest defensively.

“Please, I beg of you, let me go. She’s hungry. I was looking for food, that’s all.” Your voice wavers at the sight of so many weapons.

“Lord Messmer will decide your fate. You will come with us.”

With your head hung low, you follow their orders. They search you for any possessions you might have, which is basically nothing but a half-empty waterskin and a dull dagger, and confiscate them. They eye Jasmine, looking for anything she might be hiding, but they don’t dare touch her. Mercifully, they allow you to hold her as they march you back to the blackened castle you ran from.

You make your way up what must be a thousand stairs and your legs ache from the amount of walking you’ve done. Slowing down causes a guard to firmly grab your shoulder and keep you going at a brisk pace. Jasmine hides her face in your shoulder and you try to calm her by rubbing circles into her back. You would promise her that it would be okay, but you can imagine her parents promising that same thing, and now they were dead and she was being carried into an unknown place.

If it came down to it, you’d beg for her to remain safe and allow them to kill you.

Finally, the guards stopped you in front of a large metal door. It was intricately decorated and instilled true fear into you. This must be where Lord Messmer resided

“You will show respect at all times. Speak only when spoken to, or we will put you to the sword.”

You merely nod in response, not willing to test how quickly they would kill you.

The doors open with a protesting creak and the metal slides against the stone floor with an unnatural sound. It grates your ears and you cover Jasmine’s to save her from the awful noise. Two guards flank your shoulders and tap your shoulder, signaling for you to move forwards.

The room is lit with a few candles shimmering in the stagnant air. It smells like sulfur and blood. The guards stop you and push down on your shoulders, and you kneel. Jasmine stays in your arms, small hands wrapped tightly around your neck.

“My Lord, we’ve found an intruder. They were scouring around the castle and fled when seen. They say that they were looking for food for their child.” The guard barks out.

You keep your head down, terrified to look up. 

“A child, here?” A new, lower voice cascades across the room sending shivers down your spine.

“Yes, My Lord.”

“A child does not belong in the Land of Shadow. Thou hast endangered them.” He doesn’t sound pleased. “Prithee, tell me thy reasoning for bringing one so fragile here.”

“I found her in Caelid, My Lord. Since then, we’ve been traveling with a group of Tarnished and our path led us here.” Your voice shakes as you speak.

“‘Tis not thy child in thine arms?”

You shake your head. “No, My Lord. She was in a ruined village, surrounded by rubble and rot. I couldn’t leave her there.” Your heart stings at the painful memory.

“Intriguing. What reason didst thou have to come to my castle?”

“As your guard said, My Lord. She is hungry. Food is not easy to come by here.”

“Dost thou remember when last she ate?”

“Two days ago was her last full meal. Since then, we’ve been living off of rowa fruits.”

Silence is your response, until you hear heavy footsteps approaching you. You squeeze your eyes shut and hug Jasmine tight. She trembles in your arms.

“The child has a name, I presume?” His voice is only a few feet away from you now.

“Jasmine, My Lord.”

He sighs. “How was thee treated by my men?”

“They didn’t take her away from me, My Lord. They never hurt us.”

He lets out what you assume is a sigh of relief. Something thumps against the ground making you jump. Out of the corner of your eye, you see the hilt of his weapon. You remember other Tarnished referring to Lord Messmer as the Impaler, and you shuddered in fear.

“Thy only crime is trespassing, but do not thinkest me heartless. Thou art forgiven, and I shall extend mercy unto thee.” His tone changes as he addresses one of his men. “They shalt be taken to comfortable quarters and attended by female staff only. Shall any man lay a hand upon the child, they shalt be killed immediately, without mercy.”

“Yes, My Lord.” The guard leaves the room quickly, probably thanking his lucky stars for permission to exit the room.

“Rise. Thou needn’t stare at the floors any longer.” His voice softens as he speaks to you.

With shaking legs, you do as he asks and you spare a glance in his direction. He towers over you, serpents coiling around his slender frame, and you notice he has one eye that glimmers a brilliant gold. His great spear is held firmly in his right hand.

“Thank you. Truly.” You do your best to bow in your current state. Without adrenaline, you’re extremely shaky. You almost collapse, but a serpent gently coils around your waist and holds you up.

“I shall have food sent to thine quarters immediately.” You can almost hear worry in his voice.

You nod and mindlessly pat the serpent holding you up gently. It nuzzles into your palm.

As if on cue, a female servant with deep brown hair enters the room and you see a smile work her way onto her face at the sight of Jasmine.

“Is this who you would have me attend to, My Lord?”

“Yes. They are exhausted and have been without proper food for days. Ensure they are looked after.”

The woman places a hand on your shoulder and the serpent withdraws itself from your waist. You feel extremely unsteady, but the woman is stronger than she looks. 

“Come on now, love. Let’s get you some food.” She hooks your arm over her shoulder and wraps her other arm around your back. 

Slowly, she guides you out of the stagnant room and towards your quarters. She keeps you upright and doesn’t allow you to sway.

“Lord Messmer has taken pity on you, truly. Usually, trespassers are not dealt with so lightly.” She explains to you.

You don’t desire to dwell on what your fate could’ve been, so you quickly change the subject. “Do you have a name?” You ask her and she smiles once more.

“Sianet. A pleasure to serve you.”

You reach your room and Sianet gently helps you inside, settling you on a large, extremely comfortable bed. She goes to shut your door, then grabs a large pitcher of water. She helps you drink, the cold water a welcome luxury.

“Would you like some, little one?” She holds out the glass to Jasmine who keeps her head tucked into your shoulder.

“Hey, it’s okay. You should drink some water. It’s cold.” You keep your voice steady and she slowly raises her head. Her eyes quickly scan around the room and she looks at Sianet.

“Hello, sweet thing. Do you have a name?”

You prepare yourself to answer for her, as Jasmine really only speaks to you, but you’re shocked when she replies on her own, her voice a meek whisper.

“My name is Jasmine.”

Sianet smiles wider, her white teeth almost blinding. “That’s a lovely name, Jasmine. Would you have some water for me?”

Jasmine nods and grabs at the glass. Sianet helps her drink, tipping the cup back slowly. Once she finishes drinking, the glass is put beside the pitcher on the table next to your bed.

“Your dinner should be ready soon. While we wait, shall I draw a bath for the little one?”

Jasmine’s eyes light up and she nods furiously. Sianet laughs and makes her way to the corner of the room, beckoning for her to follow. Jasmine looks at you with wide eyes.

“Can I follow her?”

“Go on. You stink.” She giggles and launches herself off your lap, toddling off after Sianet.

You flop unceremoniously onto the bed and shut your eyes. You had been wandering for so long that you almost forgot what a proper bed felt like. You remind yourself that you’re safe, even if only for a little while. You can relax and rest. You’ve earned it.

A sudden knock at the door interrupts your thoughts. You hear Jasmine and Sianet talking in the next room, so you make your way to the door yourself. Opening it, you are surprised to see Lord Messmer himself. His serpents flick their tongues at you, almost like a greeting.

“What can I do for you, Lord Messmer?”

“I came to ensure thy room was to thine liking.”

You smile at him. “I’ve never stayed somewhere so beautiful. I have no complaints, My Lord.”

His eye twinkles and he peers around you to look inside the room. You silently berate yourself for your horrible manners.

“My apologies, My Lord. Would you like to come in?”

“I shalt not invade thy privacy. Where hast thy child gone?”

“She’s currently taking a much needed bath. She’s okay.” To confirm your words, Jasmine lets out a delighted squeak. The corners of his lip turn up in a small smile.

“Sianet: is she to thine liking as well?”

“She’s very attentive and sweet. You don’t need to worry.”

He clears his throat. “Thy room is guarded well. If thou have need for anything, thou must only ask.”

“Thank you, My Lord. I hope you know how much this means to us.”

“‘Tis no matter. ‘Twould make me a monster to not attend to thee, especially the child.”

“Not that I’m not grateful, but… why are you helping us? Sianet told me that trespassers are usually not dealt with in such a manner.”

His expression falters a little. You worry you overstepped.

“Thou did not hurt my men. Thou did not invade my castle with ill intent.” He pauses, looking away from you. “And it hath been countless moons since a child has inhabited the Land of Shadow.”

“I see.”

Silence encompasses you both, and you take in the details of his face. He has strong cheekbones and a proud, regal nose. His golden eye shimmers in the dim candlelight around you.

“I shalt not bother thee any longer. Give my regards to thy child, and if thou hast need for anything, I permit thee ask.”

“Thank you, Lord Messmer. I’m lucky to have met you.”

His eye widens and a peaceful smile finds itself on his face. He looks handsome like that, you think to yourself.

He bows slightly and leaves you, his serpents coiling themselves around him as he gets further from your door. You shut it and sigh, returning to your bed. The mattress envelops you in a comfortable embrace, and you swear you could fall asleep now and not wake up for a few days. Exhaustion clings to your nerves and bones, and your eyelids grow heavy. You shut them and find yourself immediately succumbing to slumber.

“Wake up! Food’s here!” You’re rudely awoken by Jasmine bouncing excitedly on the bed. You groan and sit up, your body creaking in protest at the sudden movement.

“Alright! I’m up.” She giggles and grabs your hand, pulling you to stand.

Yawning, you do. Rubbing your eyes, you notice that Sianet is carefully arranging a table of food. The smell makes your mouth water. Jasmine runs to help her, her skin now cleaned and clothed in a new dress. Her little feet pad across the marble floors and you don’t remember ever seeing her so excited.

“Sleep well?” Sianet asks, turning her head to meet your gaze.

“Better than I’ve ever slept before. Until someone interrupted.” Jasmine giggles and runs behind a chair, hiding from your teasing.

“I am glad.” She dusts her hands off on her apron and stands back. “Your dinner is ready.”

“Thank you, Sianet.”

You make your way over to the table and sit down in one of the chairs. Just like your bed, it is extremely comfortable. Before you is a large spread of meats, fruits, and a few desserts. You had been given a bottle of wine to indulge in if you so desired. You can’t remember a time when you had so much choice in what to eat.

Jasmine is lifted into her chair by Sianet, which has been outfitted with a booster seat, and her eyes go wide at the amount of food. You see her gaze immediately lock onto a small tray of chocolate.

“You can’t have just chocolate for dinner, Jasmine.”

She scowls. “You’re right. There’s not enough.” You laugh and shake your head.

“If you need me, say something to the guards. I must go and ensure you have clothes. A bath has been drawn for you already.” 

“Thank you, Sianet. We appreciate it.”

“Thank you for giving me a bath.” Jasmine has already stuffed a piece of chocolate in her mouth.

“Of course. I will be back shortly.” She bows her head and takes her leave.

You and Jasmine have your fill of whatever you want. You indulge in some chocolate and a glass of wine and eat until you’re completely full. You imagine this is how Messmer lives each and every day.

You could get used to this.

You make an effort to clean up your plates and stack them so they can be easily taken away and Jasmine makes her way over to the bed. Once you’re finished, you sit beside her.

“Will you tuck me in?”

“Of course.” You pull the soft blankets up and over her, folding them delicately so she can keep her arms out. She smiles and wiggles, getting comfy.

“Mother used to tuck me in every night.” She never spoke of her parents, so this was surprising to you. “She had long hair and a pretty smile. But that’s all I can remember.”

Your heart pinches painfully. “I’m sorry, little one.” You grab her hand and squeeze it.

“Why?”

“Because you can’t really remember your mother.”

“That’s okay. I have you.” She smiles at you and you feel tears well up in your eyes. You finally know that she’s safe and fed and warm, unlike so many other nights. She is protected by a demigod in his home. Nobody can touch her. She can finally be a child.

“You will always have me,” you promise.

She shuts her eyes and you gently stroke her hair. The brown shimmers in the candlelight. You wonder if her mother had brown hair. When you found her parents, you were so worried about Jasmine that you never looked at them hard enough to remember. Maybe that was for the best.

You rise slowly from the bed to not disturb her sleep, and gently tip-toe your way to the bathroom. Like the bedroom, it was extravagant. Marble floors and tiles and a large candelabra hung from the ceiling, painting the room in a serene glow. The bath sat full, the water still steaming with some petals gently floating on the water. The room smelled like vanilla.

Undressing yourself, you catch your reflection in the mirror. Bruises litter your body like constellations and scars are forever etched on your flesh. You’ve grown skinny, far too skinny, from not eating. You prioritized Jasmine’s food over yours. You did not want her to grow up malnourished.

Tearing your gaze away from yourself, you step into the water and sit down, your body relaxing into the water immediately. The warmth permeates your skin and soothes your bones. The tub is big enough for you to full submerge yourself if you so choose, and you do. The only noise you hear is the gentle swooshing of water. It’s almost like being in a void.  You remain under the water until your lungs quickly remind you that you need to resurface for air, and you do. Your hair now wet, you shampoo and condition it, leaving it soft and silky smooth. You choose a purple soap sitting on the edge of the tub and thoroughly lather yourself in it, basking in the lavender scent.

You remain in the water until it begins to chill, and you step out. Drying yourself off, you notice a silk robe hanging on the rack by the door. It is much too large for you, but you don’t really care. You take it and wrap yourself in it. Once more, you look at yourself in the mirror, and you don’t recognize who stands there. They have soft hair and smooth, clean skin wrapped in fine silks. You remind yourself that it is, in fact, you who stands there.

Making your way out of the washroom, you smile as you see Jasmine still sleeping soundly in the bed. The fireplace nearby roars and you begin to extinguish a few candles. Gently settling into the bed beside Jasmine, you lay a kiss to her forehead before shutting your eyes and returning to St. Trina’s domain once more.

Little did you know that Messmer himself had ignited the fireplace and brought you one of his robes. He doubted that he’d tell you. But he’d be a liar if he said seeing you in his robe didn’t make his heart flutter in his chest.

[zoieru]

Musings on a skin loving Boothill ~

Yeah, bath thoughts. They kept coming and I was like aaaaa write them down. cws: nsfw suggestions, nothing explicit, mentions boobs but could easily be pecks, Boothill's dodgy and excessively charming use of language, he feels.

Boothill who has become increasingly attracted to and fascinated by skin and flesh since he's become a cyborg, his own replaced with flexible but firm metal plating. Initially, he shrugged it off, the fleeting moments of interest he found himself having when encountered with some bare skin, his eyes lingering a touch longer than usual. He ain't got no muddle-fudgin' time for pond'rin that hodgepodge. But now he has you, a sweet thing he likes a bit too much, and who seems suspiciously receptive to his weird affections. So butter my fudge 'n' call me a biscuit he might as well indulge a little hm?

Freckles and moles ~ whenever they're visible, wherever, he finds himself a touch distracted. It's usually if you're relaxed together somewhere, on the bed, the couch, which isn't extremely often so it just increases the intensity of it. He'll run the smooth metal pads of his fingertips over the small darkened speckles of skin, bullseye pupil following the movements with a strange sort of determined affection. He doesn't have these, anymore, other than the ones on his cheek, and they're all the more beautiful to him because of it, small dots of cuteness. If he was some sappy forker like Argenti he would probably make some simile about the stars...or somethin' like that.

(addition, he'll get all blushy and awkward when you notice his fascination and you make a gentle comment about the small nicks and scratches on his metal being his freckles, and that you love tracing those too. He sees them in a whole new light when he takes a glance in the mirror, catching a curl on his lips before shaking his head and moving on. He's a tough guy you hear?)

The way it bends and curves around clothing, his fingers, anything ~ like I said his metal is flexible enough for him to move almost like normal. Enough to pull those way-too-attractive and very unnecessary poses as he shoots, or threatens to. But it doesn't act the same. It doesn't squish slightly under tighter clothing, making the skin puff ever so slightly either side of whatevers obstructing it's usual gorgeous curve. It doesn't leave indents afterwards either. And he loves the way yours does that, his metallic fingers twitching slightly with the urge to squish it himself.

(addition because HEHE ~ I like to think he's a boobs and an ass guy, well he's an all of you guy, tbh, but: he likes boobs the most, or tends to them, because they're in front when he's talking or doing other very fun things, and he can see the way they squish and bulge under his fingers easier.)

Spreading moisturiser onto you ~ okay, so he loves the way it squishes and moves under his touch. That naturally shifts to when he sees you spreading cream or any products you use on your skin, especially your body other than your face. He wants to watch the skin move subtly under his direct movements, the cream making his metal slightly slick and slide softly against you. It's so intimate, and often he's not even thinking about the sexual implications that could be applied here, just enjoying not only the feel and sight of your skin, but helping you do something, tending to you and your body which he adores.

Saying that, I think his perception of bodies might have shifted too. The man decided to change his own, seeing his body as a tool. And while it is deep rooted in survivors guilt and vengeance, I think it would have likely rubbed off on his perceptions of bodies in general. Now I don't think he'd view yours as a tool the way he does his, no. Quite the opposite perhaps. He sees it as almost a vessel for you, a 'temple' but in a practical sense. It's the thing that keeps you here, represents you, enables you. Therefore it must be looked after, treated with upmost care and respect, like a well used and well cared for piece of equipment, which it essentially is. But also not in a dainty goddess type of way, I feel. He's a strong man, a hardened one, taught respect for life and the strength and beauty of life, and taking it, from a young age. And he knows how quickly it can be taken away. So he sees your body that way, too, as strong, capable, but less so than his ol' metal one. Cute :3

Biting ~ okay back to the stuff that doesn't make me feel like crying - he likes to nom on your skin. The feel of it bending underneath his sharpened teeth, the act itself just being so him and cheeky. He won't hurt you, unless it's an accident or you ask him to, though he might need some convincing. But he just likes nibbling you like a puppy with their baby needle teeth. Is he teething permanently? Maybe. You don't mind.

Falling asleep on you and then tracing the faint imprints left by his plates ~ that's the point. He'll wake up all sleepy, you still tucked underneath him, and shift slightly, moving his arm or middle that was rested cosily onto you, the plates now warmed from your body heat, and notice the faint lines across your skin that the indents of his metal pieces left. There is a small cheeky flash of hehe-i-made-those in his little sleepy grin as he'll trace them with his fingers, trying not to wake you up.

Ultimately - the way your skin moves, the imperfections across it, the way it feels, they remind him you're alive. Something he felt he parted with a long time ago. And fudge me sideways he'd rather keep it that way.

[bloodygyaruuu]

The Sworn Partners for God's Sake

i am SOOOO ecstatic w/ how this came out! i decided to participate in @das-a-kirby-blog 's DTIYS since i needed some fun artistic challenge in my life. i will put all my thoughts below the cut because i need to yap but please look at this image for atleast 5 seconds since i spent like 25 hours on it <3

sketching this alone took some thought since i had to adjust the canvas multiple times to make sure everything fit properly. i've never drawn alot of these characters ngl, so i was a bit nervous going in so suddenly. i wanted to make all the past villians more, well, villainous looking so i just added some crazed expression and dynamic poses. i especially like how i did susie ngl. like shes giggling so wickedly i love. i gave kirby a more confused expression while bandee is in his usual worried state of mind. i also decided to make meta and dedede make sexual eye contact as lovers sworn partners. however... i decided to take dark crafter and yinyarn out back before telling them to close their eyes because, tbh, i really dont give a fuck about either of them. marx and magolor felt like much more fitting choices in the section of past kirby antagonist as i would consider them far more impactful (and fun to draw) than the ladder pair. also added blade knight cuz sword knight was there and he wasnt?? smh. oh and vul is smoking lmao.

the hardest thing in this entire piece was the line art. originally i did all my lines in black just because it's easier on the eyes when crafting all the pieces together before i layer a blue merge layer on top. i questioned whether or not to use the lineart as both eye-black and metal highlight/shadow but im incredibly happy with the result.

coloring became a tricky subject since my art utilizes very bright, vibrant colors with high chroma. i wanted to stay true to the og by only using the base colors but just... tweaking them a lil bit. i cant resist a good highlight in my art. when it came to nightmare and meta's cape, i am a longtime subscriber to the hc that meta is like his "son" in a way so i wanted to make a nod to that by making the gradient and star-design pattern of their cloaks the same.

to be honest, this was so much fun. but holy SHIT my back is on fire. shoutout to anyone who actually read this monstrosity of an artist's explanation, ur a real one. thank you guys so much for ur support and ill see yall eventually with another dumb kirby post <3.

[alexanderlightweight]

Hey! Happy Wednesday

I dont think the vs has a name but I'd love to see the follow up to the fic where Alec gets seriously hurt and Magnus doesn't find out until days later. Maybe when alec wakes up? Or an izzy or cat pov?

Thanks 💛

i'm finally back to fill this! so the fic's name is pandora's box and I wrote when Alec wakes up. (link included to first part because it's so old. and I retagged the old one with the name)

this is a very fun verse tbh because Alec is just 'oh Magnus is here. everything is fine' and Andrew is like 'everything is not fine. raziel smite me I shouldn't be seeing this'. (this = just how in love malec are)

hope you enjoy <3

~ lumine

-

pandora's box

Nothing hurts.

That’s the first thing Alec notices.

He should still be in pain. Should still be writhing in agony and trying to give his shadowhunters instructions but unable to because he can’t stop screaming.

He’s not screaming anymore.

Alec can feel where his body should be raw and tender and being eaten away at, but the pain is gone.

Everything is blurry as he slowly blinks his eyes awake.  There’s something strange about his surroundings.  He’s still in the Institute.  He can feel the angelic core connected to the vows he made with it but the layers of the wards feel thicker than normal.

As if they’ve become a physical representation of the protection Magnus layered across the Institute long before Alec ever met him.

Magnus.

Even with the feel of the wards and the weight of Magnus’ magic it's not enough.  He wants Magnus, not a substitute made of his thoughts and Magnus' magic.

“Mirai—” he croaks out, eyes too heavy to keep open or look anywhere but the ceiling. “Tell Mirai to get the High Warlock.”

His throat doesn’t hurt but he can’t talk anymore, the words unable to come out and Alec guesses that even if he can’t feel how hurt he was, his body is letting him know all the same. 

“That won’t be necessary, Alexander. I’m already here.”

Alec would be able to recognize that voice even if he lived a thousand lifetimes and his eyes fly back open, his hands reaching out even before his eyes can focus on Magnus.

He’s there.

Tall and strong and so very beautiful and he looks sad in a way that makes Alec want to kill whoever made his smile dim. He tries to ask what’s wrong, but not even a croak comes from his throat and two fingers wreathed in blue flames press to his lips..

“Hush, don’t try to talk just yet, sweetheart.” And Alec blinks back relieved tears that he won’t have to try and endure this without Magnus. “Drink this for now.” A potion bottle is lifted to Magnus’ own mouth and then he’s leaning forward, pressing smooth, warm lips to Alec’s own chapped ones and feeding him the liquid.

It tastes like bitter herbs and honey and Alec grimaces as he hastily swallows, trying to chase Magnus’ lips for a true kiss.

“Stop it, you ridiculous shadowhunter. You’re too injured for kisses. Heal more and I’ll reconsider.” 

Alec pouts as he's pushed back and held against the medical bed so he can't move. As he's about to try and nuzzle Magnus' hand he hears a quiet, muffled sound of dismay and a whispered apology.

“I should not be seeing this. Commander, I am so sorry.” 

Alec blinks at the unexpected interruption and manages to turn his neck to see Andrew watching them both with mortified despair.  

It’s unexpected.  

Both that Magnus let him so close and that Magnus is here at all. No one knew to call him and Magnus normally wouldn’t interfere with the Institute. 

“The potion will need time to work so listen closely.” Alec gives a soft nod, signaling understanding and agreement as he refocuses on Magnus. Andrew being there makes this easier, not harder since Alec won’t be staying in the Institute much longer. Not now that Magnus has arrived. Now he just needs to listen to Magnus since Magnus obviously has a plan. “I need you to tell your security office, Undermole or whatever his name is, to let me take you. That you’re taking two weeks off for recovery and will be reachable for emergencies but only if they’re actual emergencies. And you’ll be guiding them through it, not physically joining them. Understand?”

Alec nods, because even with as hard as it is to think and focus, he knows a perfect plan when he hears one.

Especially when it's one Magnus has made to keep them together.

—

Andrew really didn’t expect to wake up this day and see his recently dying commander make grabby motions at the tablet Andrew is currently clutching.

Especially not after the High Warlock of Brooklyn practically ordered him to.  Alec doesn’t like being told what to do  — not even by the Clave or his parents — but right now, it looks like he’s perfectly happy and content to listen to whatever Magnus Bane says.

There’s a frown on his face now, one that says Andrew is wasting time and he approaches cautiously.  Wary because his instincts were right. This is his Commander’s lover and if Andrew isn’t perfectly polite, Alec will take it out on him when they train.

Once he’s better of course.

And by Raziel is Andrew relieved that Magnus Bane arrived, even if it means getting a horrifying amount of insight into his Commander’s private affairs.  

Andrew hands over the tablet, watches as his Commander tiredly clicks through several documents, adds his thumbprint and then he frowns at the tablet. 

“I can’t find the send button, it’s too blurry.” and then Alec is handing the tablet not to Andrew to finish, but to Magnus Bane.

It’s a level of trust that signifies this relationship is far more complicated and deep than even Andrew realized and he’s going to need to tell Mirai.  Alec doesn't even let his own siblings handle this tablet.

They’ll need to all be prepared because this isn’t going to stay quiet or hidden.

It makes Andrew wince even as he accepts the tablet gingerly from Magnus Bane.

Gingerly because the minute they make eye contact magic starts sparking from his fingers, as if the High Warlock is daring Andrew to protest.

“Everything looks in order.” Andrew says after several achingly long moments of making sure Alec signed everything properly. It’s hard to tell how coherent or capable he is beyond making rational choices. “He’s all yours.”

Andrew regrets his choice of words immediately because fierce, golden eyes pin him. Threatening to dissect him if he dares even think about getting in the way. Of course Alec would go for someone as terrifying as Magnus Bane. It makes complete sense now that he’s seen them together.

Especially as Magnus Bane seems to know exactly how much power he holds, Bane’s smirk a vicious knife as he opens a portal and reaches for Andrew’s Commander.

“Yes. He is.”

-

AN:

Andrew Underhill: OMG this is worse than if they had sex in public. i'm seeing emotions. from the high warlocks AND my commander. I didn't know either of them had emotions like this. I don't have the security clearance for this!!!!

Mirai is going to be so busy during the next two weeks. half of it is making sure no emergencies interrupt alec's recovery and the other half is doing damage prep for when he shows back up

Magnus helping Alec resettle into his job and going with him because he can't trust them not to kill Alexander accidentally at this point: why do you have so much work? this is ridiculous darling.

Alec: because this is a job for two and I don't want to get married to a female shadowhunter and I love you?

Magnus: scoot over sweetheart and hand me a pen. I don't need to understand a report to be able to edit it. it's a skill ragnor's never forgiven me for but it works wonders. i'll work on this half and you work on that half, hmm? just give me an old report for reference to be safe.

The Institute in shock as Magnus starts working from Alec's office unless he has clients.

everyone else: is this even legal?

Mirai: are you going to suggest to either of them otherwise?

everyone else: no. no thank you. we like living.

[transformers-spike]

Soft TFP Optimus Prime thoughts:

His human giving him a nice, in depth, full body clean, and Optimus being so relaxed by it that he just. Falls asleep on them. Or gets close to it. Only really wakes up if his human wakes him up- and tbh, its probably just easier to fall asleep on him than do so. (Besides! Robot cuddles 🥺)

Idk, I just. Feels like something he needs, every once in a while, y'know? (Ratchet, too, tbh. But I'm focusing on Optimus rn.)

-🍁

I think giving bots in-depth fully-body cleaning while they're in their normal form is such a fun idea. Wet-wipes would be the easiest way to go through with it. The small doesn't bother them so why not Getting all that grease from between the plating...

[pixthefuckup]

unhinged thought: i think it would have been better for shen yuan if he transmigrated into ming fan. like sure less hot and less fun in adult politics and a lot harder to save anyone who weren't disciples but...

number 1, according to the web series and the few drawings i remember, he already looked similar in his last life so less cognitive dissonance.

number 2, personalities were way more similar so the adjustment wouldn't have looked abrupt and he wouldn't have suffered with the system so much

number 3, the bullying problem is easier to fix in ming fan despite what you may be thinking bc tbh i don't think shen jiu gave as much fucks about luo binghe as the boy thought. like sure, maybe in the sense of similiar backstories but i think he just thought the kid wasn't toughening up.

number 4, the fucking age gap and cognitive dissonance that comes from going from shizun who's like a father figure/well-meaning guardian to going to shizun getting railed in the mattress looks slightly better when going from shixiong who's only slightly older and just a responsible student or bro to shixiong getting railed in the mattress. deaging probably wouldn't have been that bad anyways for shen yuan bc bro was sick for his whole life. dude gets to run around for a bit. deaging to a preteen is better than suddenly becoming a guy in his late 20s when you're 19 or 21 (last time i checked Shen Yuan was one of those ages) imo.

number 5 and the most petty, i feel sad for yue qingyuan. i love the implications of the shen jiu x yue qi dynamic sue me. having these two side by side would be incredible parallels.

call me cucumber or whatever i just think his life would have been way easier.

[teddywesworl]

different anon but re: sex scenes ask, i’m curious to see how you lay out things to outline for continuity of characterization, and what the drive and stakes are in a scene to avoid the sexual archetypes. would you mind sharing what that process looks like for you? really admire your technical breakdowns of writing (yes even and especially when they end up being ‘controversial’)

ok so. I had to take this ask to a word doc to get all my thoughts in order, so that’s your fair warning about how involved my answer is going to be.

First off, I gotta say I always think it’s funny and strange which “takes” of mine get people in a twist, because it’s very frequently the really basic foundational stuff that you would be taught in the first week or two of any introductory fiction writing class. One time, multiple people blocked me on twitter for saying that every paragraph should serve the whole and that readers will get bored if you go on tangents that have nothing to do with the core drive of the story. There was a qrt with the ‘no fun allowed’ robot. I was basically explaining what “kill your darlings” actually means, but even that was too much.

That said, I think the key to continuity of character in sex scenes is very simple: treat sex as any other action, and treat sex scenes like any other scene.

Naturally, that’s easier said than done, because it contains within itself a pair of mandates:

Get your character fundamentals down before attempting to apply them to sex, and

Deconstruct your own relationship with DHSM archetypes.

Yes, sorry, the almost three hour long Contrapoints Twilight video really is the best framework I’ve ever encountered for breaking down cultural norms concerning sex in fiction (and irl tbh), and I think it’s required viewing for anyone who really wants to deliberately subvert those norms.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Step one: character fundamentals.

In the simplest possible terms, good smut is character work. You’re taking blorbo and putting them in a situation. Often, this is a deeply vulnerable situation wrapped up in a lot of emotions. What kind of emotions are they feeling? Do they feel vulnerable? How do they respond to that vulnerability? Are the blorbos boning out of love? Affection? Frustration? Fear of loss? Is it a hatefuck? Multiple of the above? That’s layer one.

Next layer down: are both (or however many) parties here for the same reason, or are their motivations and experiences different? Everyone in a story has their own drives which may be in conflict with one another or, at the very least, play off of one another in interesting ways; the same principle should apply to sex scenes.

Example.

This is from chapter 2 of baseless fabric:

Rook’s fingers bury themselves in Lucanis’s hair, her nails scraping his scalp. “I’ll show you,” she says, and then—oh, yes—tongues and teeth and spit! Rook’s arms around Lucanis’s neck. Arching backs and sweet sighs and a pleasure that fogs Lucanis’s mind. Rook pulls at Lucanis, and Lucanis tries to keep his hips away. He is embarrassed at how quickly he has grown hard; he is alarmed that he could be so forward, so presumptuous as to expose himself in this way and to seek this kind of pleasure in her. Why? asks Spite. It is for her. She came to you for this. Lucanis struggles against this reasoning, though he knows that Spite is correct. That strange despair deep within grows fat on this knowledge. He is still afraid, and it was such long and difficult work to accept that he would never be desired in this way by a person he desired in turn.

Three parties are involved in this scene: Spite, Lucanis, and Rook.

Spite has no sexual attraction or sex drive per se, because he is a non-corporeal entity to whom those concepts are kind of alien, but he enjoys physical pleasure and has an emotional attachment to both Lucanis and Rook, so there’s no reason to believe he wouldn’t enjoy sex. He experiences everything Lucanis’s body does, and he has a front row seat to the inner workings of Lucanis’s fucked up little brain. In the video game as written, one could argue that Spite’s core drive is essentially to help Lucanis first survive and then recover from extraordinary trauma (out of. Spite. literally). He picks apart Lucanis’s fear and self-hatred and exposes all of it to Rook, in full confidence that Rook can fix it.

Lucanis, meanwhile, is a big ol’ demi virgin who (I was just talking w @ofcrowsanddragons about this last night) has come to view his own basic human needs as monstrous. It’s dangerous for him to need anything. Even sleep! He’s had both physical and emotional vulnerability drilled out of him from a very young age! He can’t let anyone know he needs! What if his needs are exploited? What if someone notices he needs something and takes advantage? For Lucanis, I imagine that allowing himself to be vulnerable in a safe, controlled way that feels good, with someone he trusts entirely, would be… woof. Very intense.

Rook is the wild card in terms of fanfic and character study, because, as a customizable PC, she could be anything. And she might be physically undescribed in my fics, but the character choices I’ve made aren’t by mistake; I’m writing about The Lucanis Romance, after all, and that provides opportunities for Rook to play both partner and foil. And so: my Rook is sexually experienced, shameless, and a bit vulgar, and she grew up poor. She’s Lucanis’s opposite in a lot of ways, and she serves to highlight his hangups by contrast. He talks down at himself for “seeking pleasure in her,” while her desire for him is uncomplicated. She wants this guy. She cares for him. It feels good when he touches her. On its own, maybe that’s not super interesting fodder for fiction, but she and Spite force Lucanis to reckon with his irrational self-talk and maladaptive coping mechanisms. She can get away with being a bit two-dimensional, because her main function in the story is to challenge his perspective.

The climax (lol) of the fic is arguably the following line in chapter 3: “The despair of fulfillment, the anguish of joy—he thinks he is not made for such things, and so he fights them, even desperate as he is to submit.” Everything in this first encounter between Lucanis and Rook builds toward that final evolution of the idea that Lucanis fears his own emotional needs and resists their fulfillment.

Et voila: Lucanis’s character is examined and has the opportunity to develop through sex!

Still, I admit, all of this is easier said than done. Character study of any kind takes practice to get a feel for, and writing effective character-driven sex requires that you be aware of your own relationship with culturally imposed norms.

Step two: becoming an archetype understander

Watch the Contrapoints video if you haven’t. Yes, in full. I promise it’s worth it. But if you want to save it for later and keep reading this post now, DHSM stands for Default Heterosexual Sado-Masochism, and it’s an extremely useful framework for understanding how patriarchal romantic and sexual roles are organized.

Natalie Wynn defines DHSM as “a division of sexuality into bipolar roles,” as follows:

She goes on: “In reality, none of these roles are interchangeable or even necessarily correlated. Being masculine does not imply being a top, and neither imply being dominant. […] But in DHSM, these roles are assumed to be bundled together and assumed to belong to the sexuality of men.”

I contend that when we are reading E-rated fanfiction and we cross that jarring threshold from in-character plot to out-of-character smut, we have most often just encountered the author deferring to cultural sex scene-writing norms prescribed by DHSM. And, importantly, the sex scene doesn’t have to be heterosexual for DHSM to be in the room!

One of the most important things you can do as you’re writing sex is to ensure that you are aware of the cultural pressure to conform to this false dichotomy.  Notice I didn’t even say ‘don’t conform;’ there are certainly ways to examine & play with DHSM while nominally conforming to it. However, DHSM is omnipresent as a basic assumption in mainstream romance and romantic subplot, and you may be surprised at the extent to which the average person automatically reaches for it while writing. In fact, once you start seeing it, you may not be able to stop.

One of the things I really like about Lucanis as a character is his relationship to DHSM. He’s an assassin, arguably a professional predator. He is extremely rich, and he ends the story with a nation-shaping amount of political power. He is also, quite literally, possessed. His whole personal arc is about his fraught relationship with agency. His romance arc requires that you, the player, pursue him to a much more dramatic degree than any of the other companions, just to get to the point of acknowledged flirtation. He breaks the assumed role. He looks like the Latin Lover trope sprouted wings; but that’s not him.

This is, frankly, why a large proportion of the Rookanis ao3 tag bums me out: there’s so much fic in there that pulls back toward that assumption of bipolarity, flattening him as a result. Lucanis as an aggressive or dominant lover does nothing for me, because I feel that it misunderstands his approach to intimacy.

Now what?

I’ve just said an embarrassing number of words about writing pornography. But how does one synthesize all this stuff?

Here’s an exercise I recommend:

Pick a pairing of your choice and consider each character’s relationship with the DHSM dichotomy. Deliberately run down those columns above and decide which character more closely matches each descriptor in each pair, individually—if they match either, which they may not! Examine the ways in which that pairing might break bipolarity.

Then, try to come up with a sexual scenario that demonstrates that break in DHSM. This is a valuable exercise because it attacks both points simultaneously: it forces you to think of your character fundamentals, and it directly challenges the archetypes.

To use the same baseless fabric example, Rook is clearly the pursuer, but she’s got an exhibitionist streak, and she very much desires penetration:

She leans back, rests her weight on her hands, and deliberately opens the vee of her thighs. Her chemise drapes across them, and it hides very little. There is a shadow beneath, intensified by the flicker of the hearth, and Lucanis’s eye is drawn inexorably down—

Later in the same scene, Spite's POV refers to the act of penetrating Rook as surrender:

The body knows what to do. The instinct for it is ancient and innate, and the rhythm is made at the conjunction of Lucanis’s flesh and heart and mind. It is surrender, a hopeless exposure of underbelly and throat, and it feels good. Lucanis plants one hand on the table and rolls his hips.

Lucanis also acknowledges, multiple times, that he had his own preconceived notions about how sex is supposed to go, which Rook has challenged. For example:

Rook hums and smiles and closes the narrow gap between them. What begins as a simple press of lips develops into the luxuriant slide of tongues, Lucanis pushing the hem of her chemise up so he can bury his hand between her thighs. Rook hooks a knee over Lucanis’s hip and tugs him in until he acquiesces and thrusts into her. It is all slow and lazy. Soft. It feels the way Lucanis always thought it should, except in the ways he couldn’t have foreseen. His body aches from the violence of the previous day, and Rook’s must, as well; the pleasure cuts through the pain, colors it, transforms it into something almost sweet. Rook’s arms coil around him, and she makes the most beautiful little sounds.

(Uh oh, buddy! That's a little masochistic of you!)

If you are working deliberately to improve your character-driven sex scenes, I strongly recommend starting with short (up to like 3k words) ficlets as practice. Pick a trope or two to toss in for extra “put the blorbos in situations” sauce. Forced proximity! Drunken confessions! Hurt/comfort! Fuck or die! Etc. All great fun. Alternately, sometimes you will simply be possessed by the knowledge that certain characters will have certain kinks. Like Lucanis and somnophilia (you get it, right? I don’t even have to explain why. Isn’t that neat?).

As a side benefit, doing this exercise thoughtfully will make you better at character writing more generally. No, really. Spending this time analyzing characters’ relationships to intimacy will help you understand what makes them tick in so many other ways.

Let me sum up.

So, in summary: good smut is character work, and you need your character fundamentals first. However, cultural norms impose the division of sexuality into bipolar roles. Breaking that bipolarity subverts a subconscious expectation, adds tension and interest, and forces both writer and reader to really think about the characters in front of them.

Does that……. Does that answer your question about process?? I swear I didn’t start with the intent to write two thousand earth words about this. And also, I don’t typically sit down and think to myself “how will I break DHSM today?” I have enough practice at this point (and a deep enough obsession with the function of social power) that my disdain for DHSM automatically inserts itself into basically everything I write. I do think these two pieces (1. character first and 2. fuck DHSM) make up the foundation of how I approach smut, though, so hopefully this has been a useful response!!

[greensagephase]

Double Trouble (One -Shot) Part Two

Pairing: 2099 Miguel O'Hara X Female Reader X Variant Miguel O'Hara Summary: You thought it was a one-time thing, but you were wrong. Word Count: 3,194 Warnings: Minor plot (?) after the first part; oral (both f and m receiving); fingering; biting; lots of kissing; p in v; unprotected sex; handjob; blowjob; nipples played and sucked with (f); let me know if I'm missing something, not really used to writing smut tbh; 2099 Miguel goes as Miggy from now on while reader's OG Miguel is called Miguel; MINORS DNI, please!! A/N: This is a part two to Double Trouble (One Shot) as it was requested by @veyveys I hope you like this!! Thank you for requesting it!! :) Masterlist

You thought it was a one-time thing for many reasons. First, the three of you were drunk that night. Second, you blamed your eagerness on the fact that 2099 Miguel looks almost identical to your Miguel, so it made sense that you found him attractive and even desired him. 

Third, your Miguel would probably not agree with it once he was sober. Right? You know the two of you have plans to marry at one point, sooner rather than later even if there’s no rush. So, surely your Miguel was going to agree that it was fun but that was it. It’s not like he’s possessive of you but still, you thought he wouldn’t want it to happen again considering it was with one of his counterparts.

Fourth, there’s 2099 Miguel. You have learned so much about him over the last few months. You know about his past; about losing a child he basically adopted and about his duties as the leader of the Spider Society, something you’ve always asked him about as you find it fascinating. You have a good understanding of his personality, too, despite only knowing him for a few months. He’s more serious but sweet and caring nonetheless, and though he never showed it before that night, for some reason 2099 Miguel also struck you as a possessive man. A man that wouldn’t want to share a woman with another man. So, you guessed that 2099 Miguel would also move past it.

You carried on with your day that morning after both Miguel’s fucked you again, blaming that morning’s moment to leftover hormones from the night before, knowing that what happened was great - more than great, really - but that was it, as you believed that everyone would agree it was best to leave it in the past but oh, you were so wrong. While you slept peacefully between them that first night, passed out after so many rounds of getting fucked, the men talked and an agreement was struck. 

And that agreement is how you find yourself in your current position. You're on your back on a king size bed in a penthouse bought by Miggy, or 2099 Miguel. The three of you agreed that calling both Miguel's "Miguel" was getting confusing, so you suggested "Miggy" since you've never given your original Miguel a nickname, making it easier on everyone. And God, Miggy loved it as soon as it left your lips. He hates nicknames but when it came from your pretty mouth, he nodded instantly, especially because it was agreed that you’d be the only one to call him that. It was part of the agreement, the same one that has allowed you to be in the position you’re in now.  

You arch your back in pleasure and moan loudly while you lay on the bed, big enough to fit the three of you comfortably, with your legs over Miggy's shoulders as his large hands keep your thighs open so his hungry mouth can keep devouring your pussy. 

"Mig-Miggy!" you cry out in pleasure as you feel his tongue flatten against your clit, moving especially slow to tease you before he glides it back down your slit, licking up your arousal. You whimper in pleasure and reach with one hand for his hair, sliding your fingers into his already messy locks. You grip it, earning yourself a low growl from him. 

"So sensitive. So responsive," he murmurs against your flesh as he dips his tongue into you. "Like always," he adds looking up with a smirk as he catches sight of you arching your back, eyes closed and lips parted in pleasure. The sight alone makes his already hard cock throb with need. He can’t wait to be inside you, buried deeply as you take him like a good girl. “Mierda,” he groans just at the thought as he keeps eating out your wet pussy.

You move your free hand to the side, finding Miguel's hand and holding it. You open your eyes as Miggy continues to eat you out, finding Miguel stroking himself as he watches for a few minutes. You gasp and moan as you feel Miggy slip a finger inside you. 

"Fuck - yes," you breath out closing your eyes again as he begins to slide his large finger in and out of you. 

Your breast is cupped suddenly before you feel warmth and wetness on your nipple. Moaning, you open your eyes to find Miguel sucking on it gently, letting his tongue swirl over the sensitive bud with experience. 

"Look how pretty you look, hermosa. So pretty, getting your pussy fingered, getting your nipples sucked," Miguel says in between licking and sucking your nipples. 

"So beautiful," Miggy says as he adds another finger, further stretching you out, preparing you for the night. "So fucking beautiful, bonita." 

You grip the sheets as your men pleasure you. And yes, your men. It’s no longer your Miguel and the other Miguel. They’re both yours and in return, you are theirs, and theirs alone. 

“Yes, yes - I - fuck,” you say with closed eyes, unable to form a coherent sentence as Miggy fucks you with his fingers, feeling his speed increase as Miguel sucks and plays with your breasts. You whimper softly when you feel Miggy’s mouth on your inner thigh, licking softly before he bites your skin, gently as always but with enough pressure that it will leave a mark and show by tomorrow morning. With everything happening, you feel yourself growing closer and closer to your climax just from Miggy’s fingers and Miguel’s mouth. 

Miggy can’t help but groan as he feels you squeeze his fingers, knowing you’re close to your climax. He pulls them out at the same time Miguel releases your nipple from his mouth with a wet pop, eliciting a loud and whiny whimper from you that just serves to arouse the men even more at your neediness. 

“Always so needy, bonita,” Miggy teases as he bites your other inner thigh before licking the area to not only ease the slight pain he’s caused you but to get a taste of your lovely skin. “But I don’t want you to come like that. Not around my fingers, you know that,” he says sternly before he brings his fingers to his mouth, obscenely licking your wetness from them. “Fuck, I’ll never get over how amazing you taste, bonita.”

With Miggy tasting your juices, Miguel reaches over, sliding two fingers over your slit and collecting your wetness to taste it himself. He groans. 

“So sweet, hermosa,” he tells you. “Treating your men to your sweetness, hm? Love giving us a taste, don’t you?” he adds as he keeps licking his long fingers.

You watch as they suck their fingers with eyes closed, lost in the haze of your taste. You can’t help but find the view arousing as they surround you, sucking your arousal off their fingers like it’s the most delicious thing they’ve ever tasted. Their large cocks are hard, already oozing with pre-cum; a sign of how arousing they find this even though you just started. You sit up, an opportunity Miguel takes to grab your face. He kisses you, slipping his tongue into your mouth before he lets go. He's barely released you when Miggy, who at some point got up between your legs, grabs your face, too. He kisses you, a bit more roughly than Miguel. He holds your neck as he slips his tongue into your mouth, making it a purpose to swirl it against yours, letting you taste yourself for a few seconds before he releases you. Miguel takes your face again, and the cycle repeats with the men taking turns kissing you. Their kisses become needier, sloppier, and rougher but you greedily accept them, loving every second even when your lips start to feel swollen.

“Tell us how much you like this,” Miguel says as he releases your face for Miggy. 

“How much you crave our touch,” Miggy adds after he kisses you. 

You sit on the bed as they keep kissing you and asking you to say things but not giving you a chance to answer since they're kissing you back to back, which only seems to get them even more aroused. They love the way you’re so lost even with simple kisses, how you try to form the words they’re telling you but losing your train of thought as soon as their lips meet yours. 

“Tell us how wet this makes you, hermosa,” Miguel continues. 

“Tell us how badly you crave our cocks. How much you love getting attention from your men,” Miggy says. 

“Hermosa needs her two men, right, baby?” Miguel asks, nipping at your earlobe. 

You can only hum in response as they kiss and now gently bite at your body, causing you to whimper and moan. 

“Need you to use your words, bonita. Tell us how badly you need us. Use that pretty mouth of yours,” Miggy says, grabbing your face with a bit more force yet not in a painful way. You open your eyes and meet his red ones. His face is inches away, breath fanning your face as he gives you that look you’ve learned to recognize all too well. He’s ready to fuck you until you see stars. 

“Yes - I need you,” you answer too eagerly as Miguel brings his head closer. You look up at them, sitting between them as they kneel on either side of you. 

“Say it,” Miguel says. “Say you need your men.”

“I - I need my men,” you answer, growing wetter by the second at the sight of them surrounding you, keeping you trapped between their warm and strong bodies.

“And what do you want from your men, bonita? Hm? Tell your men what you want,” Miggy whispers. 

“All I want is to feel good,” you whisper as Miggy brings his thumb close to your mouth, swiping at your bottom lip. “I want to feel the two of you. I - need the two of you,” you admit and that’s all it takes. 

You’re pushed on your back before you even realize it, strong and warm hands spread your legs, allowing Miggy to settle between them. As he readies himself, you feel the tip of his cock brush against your pussy, making the two of you moan at the slightest touch. 

“Fuck, I can’t wait any longer,” Miggy groans as he drags you down the bed, pulling you closer. 

He pushes his tip in with a low growl, feeling your tightness envelop him immediately, sensing how you’re adjusting to his size. While Miggy pushes his cock further into you, Miguel’s mouth returns to your breasts as he strokes himself, knowing that once Miggy is done, it’ll be his turn to have you. A loud moan escapes from your lips as Miggy bottoms out, filling you completely in the most delicious way. 

Feeling your warmth and wetness, all Miggy wants to do is rut into you but he holds back, trying to enjoy the way you feel and look at least for a few seconds before he lets go because damn, you look so beautiful. Your eyes are closed once again, mouth parted with your hands gripping the sheets as he fills you completely and Miguel sucks on your breasts. He starts moving, slowly sliding out and watching your chest rise in anticipation before he slides back in, hearing your soft whimpering begging for more. He can’t help but smirk at the sight; at how needy and responsive you are for them. 

His hips begin to pick up speed, causing you to moan loudly. 

“Yes, Miggy, please,” you whimper. 

“Yes, what, bonita?” Miggy asks as he keeps fucking you at a decent speed, wanting to prolong this moment a bit more. “What do you need?”

Arching your back and with one hand on Miguel’s head to keep his mouth on your breast now, you open your eyes and meet Miggy’s.

“Keep fucking me,” you reply breathlessly, in a way that makes Miggy want to fuck you faster already. “Just like that, please.”

“Good girl,” Miggy praises you, knowing how well you respond to being praised in bed. “Always so good for me, for Miguel. Always so good for us, bonita,” Miggy says as he begins to thrust into you faster, groaning. “Estás tan mojadita. Tan apretadita. Solo para mi, solo para mi,” he moans in Spanish as his hands take hold of your hips.

He grips your hips and thrusts into you, faster and harder. Your bed’s headboard starts hitting the wall repeatedly and loudly, briefly reminding you it’s one of the reasons why you moved out of your apartment as you were getting complaints from too much noise from your neighbors. 

“Mig- Fuck - Mig-ggy! Just - Just lik - that,” you manage to say, driving Miggy crazy at the fact that you can’t even form proper sentences right now. 

“So good, bonita. You’re doing so well taking my cock,” he praises as he moves you slightly, allowing him to thrust into you deeper than before. He grunts as he feels your pussy squeezing him perfectly, getting him closer and closer to his release. 

You nod, whimpering and moaning as your men pleasure you, knowing that this is only the first round of many and once you’re done, you’ll be spent and exhausted.

“Look at you, hermosa, taking Miguel’s cock so well,” Miguel says, releasing one of your nipples from his mouth. You whimper at his words and lack of touch, missing his mouth on your already sensitive breasts from his work. “Miss my mouth already, baby? You are always so eager to have them sucked, aren’t you? You just love it and fuck, I won’t lie. I love seeing you like this. How sensitive you are even to just this,” Miguel says as his hands find their way back to your nipples before he rolls them between his thumbs and index fingers. 

You cry out in pleasure, reaching that point in which you get overwhelmed by every word and touch. Your eyes are closed and you swear you see stars as Miguel continues to tweak with you nipples while Miggy fucks you merciless, bringing you closer and closer to your release.

Even in the blissful state you’re in, your nearest hand to Miguel finds its way to his cock. You wrap your hand around it, pumping it with experience as your thumb swipes his tip, feeling his slickness. Your moves earn you a low growl from Miguel as he keeps playing with your nipples, applying more pressure to them as he feels pleasure from your hand, which increases with each second.

“Fuck, hermosa,” Miguel groans as he slows his movements on your nipples for a few seconds, melting into your touch as you take care of him. 

“Migu-el, come closer,” you tell him as you keep pumping his member in your hand, noticing the way his stomach flexes with each pump. “I want you in my mouth.” 

Miguel groans and shakes his head. “This is about your pleasure, hermosa. Don’t worry about me for now,” he tells you reassuringly but you keep tugging him, looking up at him with pleading eyes. 

“Please, Miguel. Need you - fuck - need you in my mouth. Ple-ase,” you whimper, leaving Miguel no other choice but to fulfill your wish, making Miggy thankful that Miguel is doing it because hell - both men would do anything to make you happy, especially when you’re whimpering like that. 

Miguel moves closer to your head, positioning himself so you can take him in your mouth. You eagerly take his cock and start sucking him off, moaning in pleasure as you feel Miguel start moving slowly while Miggy keeps fucking you, hitting that special spot that makes you feel like you’re no longer seeing stars but you’re up there with them - getting you closer and closer to your release.

“That’s right, baby. Let go, bonita, come for me,” Miggy grunts as he picks up his speed, thrusting into you faster than before. His new speed fills the room with obscene sounds of flesh slapping flesh in addition to the sound of your soaking pussy taking Miggy’s cock.

Your free hand reaches for Miggy as you rapidly feel yourself reaching that high. Miggy lets go from one side of your hip, taking your hand and letting you curl your fingers around his, instantly feeling your nails dig into his palm as you become even more of a whimpering mess underneath him. The three of you are losing it with each passing second, rapidly reaching your highs. At last, that feeling grows and you can’t slow it or stop it. You let go, feeling your thighs tremble as your orgasm unravels. 

“Así, así look how fucking beautiful you look cumming for me, bonita. Fuck - I’m gonna - fill you up right now,” Miggy says groaning and driving his cock deeper, feeling your fingers dig into his palm and your pussy clenching him as you cum.

You can’t help yourself, so you wrap your legs around his waist, pulling him deeper into you as you feel his cock twitch once, twice before he spills inside, filling you with his warm, thick cum as you continue to squeeze him. 

“Mierda, me encanta cuando haces eso,” Miggy groans. “Milking me so well, like the good girl you are.”

Miggy’s words only encourage you to continue to take him and suck Miguel’s cock faster. You move your head as best as you can in the position you’re in, enjoying the sound of both men groaning in pleasure and their words as they praise you for doing so good; for taking their cocks so well. You prepare yourself as Miguel grunts, pushing his cock slightly farther into your mouth. 

“Fuck, hermosa, I’m gonna fill that pretty mouth of yours - I’m gonna-” Miguel warns before he shoots his warm load in your mouth. You moan and try to keep up with all the sensations as both men fill you up.

Miggy moans as he keeps cumming inside of you, still fucking you but slowing down as you’re a shaky, whimpering mess beneath the two men, trying to recover. You're breathing heavily, trying to come back to your senses but it’s too much. Miguel finishes spilling into your mouth and you swallow his load, feeling his hands still working on your chest, though more gently. Miggy is still moving inside of you, still releasing his cum as his loads are larger than Miguel’s, groaning in pleasure and telling you what a good girl you are for taking his load.

At last, both men pull out of you with wet pops. You whimper softly and open your eyes slowly, finding both men kneeled around you, watching you with pride and affection. You smile at them, feeling heat in your cheeks as you lay before them completely exposed with Miggy’s thick cum slowly leaking out of you. 

Your Miguel’s smile down at you, caressing you as you recover. They settle at your sides, snuggling you and whispering sweet nothings, allowing you time to prepare for the second round in your shared bed.

----

Translations for words in Spanish: mierda - shit hermosa - gorgeous bonita - pretty, beautiful "Estás tan mojadita. Tan apretadita. Solo para mi, solo para mi" - "You're so wet. So tight. Just for me, just for me" "Así..." - "like that" "Mierda, me encanta cuando haces eso" - "shit, I love it when you do that"

[voidsturn]

title: cowboy like me

pairing: crime syndicate!matt x undercover agent!reader

plot: matt, feeling betrayed by the one girl he loved, struggles with heartbreak and rage after her role in an ambush nearly destroys his family. she insists it was for the protection of his father, but matt’s trust wavers between eggshell-like hope and total loss. can they put aside their ‘differences’ and hopefully not kill each other?

trope: angst?? (i swear it started off as one), maybe hurt/comfort??, betrayal trope, forced proximity, lovers to enemies, open ending

warnings: words and mentions related to firearms and death. this is such weird timing, (matts slightly aggressive in this one folks) due the shit show caused by the recent friday video.

author’s note: ‘and the skeletons, in both our closets plotted hard to fuck this up…’

also credits to anyone who has ever done anything like this. if anyone wants me to tag them, i’m fully ready to do so cause its a rlly fun pairing tbh

matt - blue | reader - pink | chris - orange | nick - purple

matt didn't have much time left. barely one half hour, before the other side would bust through the mindfully constructed door of his ‘abandoned’ cabin, in the middle of the woods. matt’s mind was scrambling more than his wounded figure. scrambling for answers while his tired and injured body hurriedly searched for guns. matt knew this would happen. trusting a girl that reminded him of himself before ‘everything’ was like knowingly falling into a bear trap. just like how the bear trap suspends it’s target in air for the entire world to judge, matt felt the same. ashamed, vulnerable and filled to the brim with pure, unadulterated rage.

matt heard his heartbeat in his goddamn head. on the verge of either passing out or drowning in a pool of his own tears, he didn't know what to choose. his pride, but most importantly his trust was just left shattered. like a few thousand, tiny pieces of an expensive glass someone purposely broke. he finally chose the latter. completely spent, matt tiredly slunk down the hardwood wall of his bedroom.

choosing to cry was easier said than done. in reality, he felt shell-shocked. replaying the last hour of one of the worst days of his life, thus carved the path for fresh, hot tears to stream down matts battered up face. the engagement was supposed to be a new beginning. it was the happiest the sturniolo family has been in years.

matt remembered his brothers. the stark difference between before and after was depressing to watch. nick was beaming. he was so happy, he finally found the love of his life and nick finally made him his. aaron, nick’s fiancé, along with nick, were decked with brown and grey suits respectively. the newly engaged couple’s childlike grins, were enough to make the saddest one in the world crack a smile. the engagement hall was big enough to fit a few hundred people, yet only the nearest and dearest to the sturniolos were present. them coupled with a few dozen guards made it seventy.

chris and matt were so stupidly happy for their beloved older brother. they kept teasing and lightly punching nick, who was getting more annoyed by the minute. after witnessing the beautiful engagement, all matt could think about was his own future with y/n. she was rough at the edges, but adored cats.

he still remembered the first time she finally smiled at him. it was after matt managed to save a stray kitten from a tree. after seeing her in that light, he made it his life’s mission to make her his. he had fallen in love and was going to tell her once she came back from the bathroom.

”chris y’know where y/n might be? i’m getting worried.” his hard headed brother was finally whipped, chris thought in his head.

thought in his head cause he was in no mood to get smacked by matt. “bro, y’need to calm the fuck down. she’ll be here.”

as if on cue, a door bust wide open. it wasn’t the bathroom door but the main door. it all happened so fucking fast. too damn fast. the horrifying sound of bullets and screams, echoed throughout the hall. the guards ate most of the bullets for dinner while some of the family got shot, a few at very critical places. the main guard, along with others, managed to whisk only nick and mark along with their parents and other cousins to safety.

chris and matt had already run off into the storage closet of the hall where chris thought a few guards were. alas, they were met with two dead and one fatally injured. they had no time to say their goodbyes while taking the nearly empty mags of three shotguns.

sounds of the huge glass chandelier falling gave the two triplets time to escape that they desperately needed. once the gunshots outside stopped, matt and chris made their getaway on some guards bike. matt and chris had been shot. grazed thankfully just on their arms and abdomen. thank the gods the other side had a couple bad shots, or the two would be bleeding to their deaths right now.

“how the fuck did they know where we were?! no one other than the people inside knew about this!” screamed chris while speeding on the bike, away from the worst ambush ever seen. matt screamed back. “i don’t fucking know! your dumbass probably told one of the girls you fucked! hang on i’m getting a call!”

“i might be dumb but i’m not a fucking idiot! i can’t fucking believe you would-” “shut up chris i can’t hear anything!” the ambush might’ve had some bad shots, but nicks phone call was a shot through the heart for matt.

nick was screaming on the other line. “your fucking girlfriend works for them! i barely saw them talking to her while i was fucking getting shot at!”

matt’s short boat ride, trip down a stormy memory river, was harshly interrupted by yelling. someone familiar was calling out his name. it didn’t create butterflies everywhere in matt’s body. not anymore. it was replaced by the urge to shoot her dead.

downstairs, y/n was yelling as if these words were the last to escape her mouth. “matt! i know you’re here! please just let me explain!” she cried, hoping it wasn’t too late. but it was. she turned around and found herself face to face with matt. y/n’s teary eyes met matt’s cold, bloodshot ones. the tension in the woody cabin was bone chilling. matt’s right hand was occupied by a pistol, aimed point-blank at y/n.

“matt-”

“just shut up y/n! just fucking shut up!” matt's loud voice boomed throughout the small living room of the two floor cabin. “i can’t fucking believe you would do this to me! i’m gonna fucking kill you!” even after saying all this, matt’s shaking hands and voice betrayed him. he didn’t really want to kill y/n, but she was the reason his entire family almost died this evening.

“matt if you could just please let me explain-”

“fuck you y/n. i’m not gonna give you time to get out of this. i fucking trusted you with my life, even if nick and chris told me not to. i knew something was up but i didn’t care. goddamnit, i fucking loved you. so much. i would’ve done anything for you-” matts tears started running their previous course on his face, yet again.

“please don’t kill me matt. just please hear me out-” y/n was terrified. she wanted to explain but she knew she really fucked up. matt was probably going to be the last one to see her… alive.

matt had had enough. he walked towards y/n and pushed her against a wall. he turned off the safety of his gun and forced it into y/n’s temple, while his left forearm was pushed against her neck, just enough to bruise. y/n didn’t fight back. “y’ wanna explain then fuckin’ explain. and do it quick cause i’m in no fuckin’ mood to ever listen to you… ever again!” with a shaky voice, y/n began her reasoning.

“i was ordered to investigate your family. your now broken relationship with the changrettas put you in a tough spot with the immunity that was granted after your father agreed to testify in that sealed murder hearing. uhm-” y/n was worried she was going to get killed for even mentioning matt’s dear father when matt was quick to push the gun further into her side to her head, all while pushing his forearm deeper into y/n’s neck, choking her. “keep going… y’fucking traitor.”

“matt- please i- can’t… breathe…” matt didn’t realise how strong of a grip he had on her neck and loosened it cause he just had to listen to her. such strong love for someone sadly can’t just vaporise no matter how much they’ve hurt them. for matt whose love was hard to come by, things just made it worse… more intense for him. he was getting contradicted by the entire fucking universe. it was becoming too much for someone even as dangerous as him.

y/n deeply inhaled and continued, trying to look anywhere except at matt’s death stare at her. “my agency sent two people undercover into the changretta family and managed to kil- uhm… eliminate or arrest them. we were going to arrest your father because he- i…” matt let out a dry chuckle, “and you told them the best time to get my dad, was the day nick gets engaged-”

y/n knew this was coming. “it wasn’t personal matt-”

“i’m so fucking done with you y/n. you’re the worst fucking bitch i’ve ever met my entire life…”

“there’s a fucking reason you dick!”

all this did was piss off matt even more. he punched the wall right next to y/n’s head out of pure agony, but she didn’t flinch. not one bit. she’s seen way worse than some pissed off guy. but this was matt, who was still her one epic love, even if it wasn’t reciprocated anymore. she was worried cause he might never trust her ever again, but she still does. that’s why she came to him completely unarmed.

matt was so overwhelmed by everything. he was just so fucking tired at this point. he never thought things would turn out the way they did. so he did the one thing he never thought he would do. he threw his pistol away from them and let go of y/n. her fucked up hair, the gun head shaped dent on her temple, and the bruise on y/n neck, piled feelings of shame on matt’s overbearing load of emotions. the dried up tears on matts face were immediately replaced with fresh ones.

he yet again, slunk down on the brown couch and supported his heavy head with shaky hands. y/n was just as tired. tired of herself. she knew she’d crossed a huge line, even if it was with the purest of intentions. seeing the sight of her everything in tears all because of her, made y/n want to hug him and kiss him and tell him that everything was gonna be okay.

she sat next to matt and continued her explanation because he needed to hear it.

“i did all this to protect your dad, matt. the two people who went undercover with the changrettas caught wind of some plan to kill your dad after his testimony… and i couldn’t let that happen. so instead, we replaced some of your guards with our people, over a few weeks so you wouldn’t get too suspicious. then we moved to make contact today only cause nick had told me, he and mark were planning to go on a vacation right after the engagement. right now your dad, mom, nick and justin are under custody but they’re safe. the immunity is granted and since your father is always privy to important information, the agency is protecting him. i have no idea where chris is. last we saw him was with you. i followed you and i sent two others to find him. and now-”

“why couldn’t you tell me y/n? i could’ve helped you-” asked matt. he was still in two minds but the mind that believed in her, overpowered his now weak reasons to kill her. “no you couldn’t have matt. i could’ve told you… any step of the way and all that would’ve done is overcomplicate things. no one if your family could know… mainly cause we believe there’s a mole in your organisation-”

“there’s no fuckin’ mole. i trust those people with my life-”

“just like you trusted me?”

“i’m sorry y/n but what i saw and how i got to know about you… i don’t know if i can believe in you. i’m just so fuckin’ tired and all i’m thinking is how the fuck am i just supposed to take your word for it…”

y/n let out a quiet sigh. “i dunno. i’m in charge to get you safely to our headquarters. but, i can’t let you outta my sight until i get to know chris’ whereabouts. and… i'm pretty sure y’know where he is. ”

“what if you’re fuckin’ tricking me into telling you where chris is?” after so long, matt actually looked at y/n. she was making a phone call. “give the phone to jimmy. the second triplet needs confirmation they’re all safe. here matt.” y/n said while giving her phone to him.

“dad?! please tell me you’re okay!” matt heard the code his father said. only they knew about this phrase. this proved to matt that it was actually his dad. after a minute long conversation, matt gave the phone back to y/n.

“no ma’am, i don’t know where he is. but i will bring both of them safely to the headquarters… yes even if that’s… the last thing i do. thank you ma’am.” y/n said before cutting the encrypted call.

“what do you mean even if it’s the last thing you do?” even after everything matt definitely did not want y/n to die. he still loved her but the trust would take some time. “it’s nothing…” she said, moments before y/n heard the noise of tires screeching on the dirt road of the forest. she was quick to instruct matt.

“stay behind me.”

he walked towards where matt threw his gun and gave it to her. “how’d you know i didn't have a gun?”

matt genuinely chuckled for the first time since this fucked up day. “y’might’ve fooled me, but i still know how to read people jus’ by looking into their eyes. and i definitely know your eyes, sweetheart…”

just before y/n could retort, the door of the cabin slammed open, to reveal a wildly shocked chris, looking at his beloved brother and the girl who was the reason he was on a wild goose chase for the past hour.

”chris, lemme explain…”

”you fucking psycho-”

author’s note 2: i would rlly appreciate any sort of comments (not straight up hate) so as to improve my writing skills and everyone’s reading experience! :) hope u liked it! also happy new years in advance!!!

[macchiatosdumptruck]

okay but why do most villains (or exvillains like Johnny) go crazy over/because of Larusso? is it because they tried so hard to destroy him and failed, and have to live with that failure? Like with Silver. He's 100% to blame for everything, why the unhingedness?

I think that's part of it, and that's what they would probably tell others. That he was an annoying little pest who couldn't leave well enough alone and they were only giving him what was coming to him. That they were humiliated by him and angry in a very normal, masculine, heterosexual way.

But looking at how real people treat both Ralph, and the character Daniel, it has to be more than that.

I think he represents a form of masculinity that bothers them. He's too androgynous, too skinny, too pretty, but he's also very secure in himself. He doesn't see the need to puff himself up and act all macho. He's comfortable in his skin.

I think people see that and resent it. Because if they have to play by the rules (rules, being gender conformity) then he should have to as well. But instead he's somehow winning the girls and getting the trophies anyway.

Something about him deeply aggravates a certain type of man. We see it to this day, the oddly targeted and pointed hatred towards him, especially from men. He's treated in ways I've only ever seen female characters treated tbh, lol. He's the bitchy wife. He's the stuck up prick. He's the goody two shoes. He's no fun. He's the stick in the mud. Etc.

He disrupts their power fantasies I think. Which is why a certain type of Guy is so deeply invested in Johnny getting the "better" of him. Because that's the way it was supposed to be in their mind.

They want toxic masculinity to work for them, not to see an example of a guy flourishing despite denying it.

I think it is also other things. Like, with Chozen, it was a humiliation. Daniel was who he was trying to be in a way. A fitting heir. An honorable man. He bested him, and yet, he wouldn't even do Chozen the dignity of properly ending him. A bit of compassion that may have seemed like yet another embarrassment. But of course, over the years he learned otherwise, and then he started looking up to Daniel. Admiring him.

I know a lot of the fandom likes to think that Johnny was so distracted by Daniel because he was secretly running from gay thoughts, and he may well have been. But they weren't kind, I don't think. They were angry. And part of that anger was probably towards himself and kreese's and his dad, and whatever, but also part of it was very much at Daniel for being Other. Like. Right in front him.

It's so funny (not) that at the end of the movie he seems to have at least some emotional intelligence and apologizes. In the beginning of the second movie he realizes that the things he had been holding dear were poisonous.

Then he just forgot all about it because it was easier to blame Daniel, than to blame Kreese or himself. It was Daniel's fault he never had a proper relationship, it was Daniel's fault he peaked in high school. Certainly not the guy who was like low key/high key grooming a small army of child soldiers.

Mike it was just him keeping his word to his boss. It was a business thing. Monetary gain. He is also the most normal of all the people affected by Daniel LaRusso Derangement Syndrome (wow it's been a while since i typed that) but once Daniel (and Terry ) comes back into his life he's back in it again.

Terry, I mean. I have lost count of the number of times I've discussed his specific form of mental illness was tbh and it still makes me think every day. Like, I'd just be repeating things I had said in earlier asks lol.

Kreese, I think is the most upset at Daniel's version of whatever "masculinity" is because for him, he seemingly adopted his stance out of survival. (What happened between the war and the films. He was far too normal in those flashbacks) Daniel represents the sort of weakness that almost took Kreese himself out. (That he still sees sometimes in Terry)

And even still, he is insufferable enough to be so so pretty during all of this. I mean, look at how people treat the pretty boy idols of the time? No matter who they are, there are going to be people very vocally disliking them because girls like him even though [ insert whatever fallacies of masculinity here]

Like. I don't like or dislike Timothy choolamoo but the way some men can't stand him reminds me a lot of those angry men complaining that their girlfriends had a crush on Ralph in highschool.

So i think it's because he's appealing in a way that is confusing in many aspects. He's appealing in the same way cute girls are and that's Not Ok. Because they're Not Gay. But he's also appealing (and detestable) because he gets to be happy and successful in a way that doesn't make sense to them. Because he's not playing by the rules.

So, I think it all combines, and they get angry boners over it.

[etherealfishyfeelings]

Synastry Notes: Moon/Mars

Disclaimer: this is simply my personal experience with these synastry aspects. Basically ranting tbh.

I have moon conjunct mars natally which greatly affects the outcome of any Moon/Mars synastry I experience.(duh)

The Conjunction: I hate it. When I'm the Moon person my Mars is usually up in arms and I genuinely tend to feel like the Mars person is a threat to my sense of peace and they tend to annoy me really easily. When I'm the Mars person I usually tend to think the Moon person is a wimp even though our Moons are conjunct. Like I do feel a sense of care for them in a way but for the most part I feel like their sensitivity largely gets in the way of what I would normally like to do or how I would normally spend my time. The conjunction just makes things so up close and personal that its kind of hard to get your bearings honestly and it's hard not to take things personally here.

The Opposition: this is somewhat better. I've only been the Mars person once here so I don't have a lot to go on there. I found the Moon person to be quite cute and a little nonsensical but I didn't feel as much pressure to cater to their sensitivities as they tended to stick up for themselves a lot more. I just had to make sure that when they were addressing me that I didn't come off too defensive, which wasn't really that hard. When I'm the Moon person it's kind of similar, the Mars person does get on my nerves a little but I feel very comfortable addressing anything that is too much for me with the opposition. A lot of affection for them on my end and our differences almost make communication easier??

The Square: I love this one. Regardless of which side I'm on, the banter is so much fun.(esp because I'm squared with Sagittarius and Gemini) When I'm the Moon I usually tend to feel a lot of affection toward Mars and feel really comfortable joking around with them and sharing my thoughts with them. We're definitely not always on the same page but those differences hardly ever bother me. I tend to come off as more emotional than usual here though. When I'm Mars it's pretty similar, I usually love listening to the Moon persons thoughts and although their sensitivities are different from mine I don't tend to mind them and really enjoy catering to their needs. It's like a little adventure for me. The only downside is that sometimes I feel like I don't understand the Moon person as much as I would like and I feel like my temper and demeanor often hinders the intimacy between us.

The Trine/Sextile: I have not experienced these much honestly. I only have experience being the Moon person, and it was okay? Barely noticed it in comparison to the other aspects that were going on. So I don't really have an in depth feeling on it.