#this was made like...last year im pretty sure i just noticed i did not...post it here LMFAO

[hyper-cryptic]

do you ever wonder who you'll be when you grow up?

[meracyn]

hi can you please write a one shot of kwon x fem! reader who has strict parents and one day kwon helps her escape her house to go with him? tysm if you do this!

TRAPPED || kwon jae-sung

a/n: ok guys by tomorrow im gonna be editing these posts and make them actually worth looking at, no lazing off this time 😭 but i like this idea actually. ive heard some songs that would relate to a scenario like this, whoever you are anon, ur a genius fr

The tension in your house was unbearable.

Your parents, being both professionals, always pushed you to meet their expectations. They barely gave you freedom, let alone make your own choices as you grew up.

It felt so suffocating, so tiring. You were so sure you would end up going crazy any day by now.

What kind of parents were so strict they always had to monitor every. single. thing of their child’s life?

Yours.

And that was why you couldn’t wait to escape.

The night was thick with silence, creating a heavy atmosphere. You laid on your bed, staring at the ceiling before turning your head to the side, where the window was.

The moon hung low in the sky— a soft, silvery glow adorning the rows of houses underneath. You got up slowly, careful not to wake your parents. The walls were pretty thin, which only made it more difficult for you to have privacy, as they could hear almost every little thing you would do.

As you got closer, you opened it. The cool, chilly air embracing your body as the breeze played with your hair.

Outside your window, the world was silent. The leaves swayed gently on the trees, the streetlights being dim and faint in the distance, barely cutting through the darkness.

You began to think. About your future, your parents, and your boyfriend,

Kwon Jae-Sung.

It seemed impossible to get into a relationship due to your overbearing parents, but you managed somehow, and haven’t gotten caught so far– which made it the perfect reason to leave.

Your heart pounded in your chest, the rush of adrenaline clashing with the quiet serenity of the night. Would it be worth the risk? Leave behind your future, your goals, everything just for some silly romance?

Every step you took felt like glass so fragile, that with one little mistake, would break.

You focused again on the scenery outside, just beyond the houses, staring at the open gate in front of you. So close, yet so far away at the same time.

The night seemed to be endless, full of possibilities—if you just took another step.

And you did.

Cautiously going back to your bed, you picked up your phone, just as you received a new message—it was him.

I’m outside. Can you get out on your own or need help?

Stay there. Your fingers quickly tapped the screen. I can manage

This was it. There was no turning back now.

Grabbing your bag and shoes on, you took a deep breath and began to climb out the window, heartbeat pounding in your ears with each movement you took. You held onto a nearby tree before stepping down, finally touching the ground.

Without bothering to look back, you ran away.

Kwon was standing outside of the car, a smile forming on his face as he noticed you.

“You made it,” He said softly, holding onto your hand as he pressed his forehead against yours.

You nodded, trying to catch your breath. “I don’t know what the hell is going to happen now,” You blurted out, having mixed feelings between anxiety and excitement.

“I told you I’d get you out. ” He whispered, pulling away just enough to meet your eyes. “And I will.”

As you both got in the car, Kwon started the engine, driving away. You looked back at your house one last time.

For the first time in years, you finally felt free.

[indulgentdaydream]

Hello luv, first of all... I LOVE NURSE!READER!!! OH god the last lines were soooooo heartwarming for my social worker heart!! LOVE LOVE IT 🩷🩷

So, may I request a Jason x reader again but with a little something... Jealous Jason because reader and Roy know each other longer than Jay and reader and then he gets all jelly and and—! Oh god I love a jealous petty man.

Missy when she fucks up the queue and queues this post for NEXT YEAR by accident 🫣🙃 NEXT YEAR?? LIKE THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE POSTED LAST FRIDAY AND I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE THAT IT DIDN'T GO UP

anyways AHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH your words are already heartwarming ♥️

I loveeee jealous jason imma cook this up so quick just you wait and see (i wrote this when i first made the draft and i found it funny to leave it. It’s literally been a month I’m so sorry)

I also made this into headcanons because I had a VISION and did not think to give it any justice. (koi youre seriously my number 1 supporter i hope you enjoy this garbage I just threw up, really)

Pining!Jealous!Jason Todd x Reader

Warnings: slight jealousy (not too overly consuming), alcohol consumption

Roy had invited Jason to hang out at the bar

Bros being bros

except...

Roy brought you along (because he KNOWS Jason has got a fat crush on you whether or not he’s told him)

(He tried to convince roy it’s not a crush, but always fails because his whole demeanour changes when you walk in the room)

examples:

he's always going to be standing beside you, consciously or not

jason isn't always a tense guy. But he for sure isn't as long as you're talking to him/looking at him/etc. (but if you put your hand on his arm/touch him in any way, it's game over)

your name is brought up, he's listening SO INTENTLY

like a dog when it hears its favourite word

Anyways

The three of you are sitting in a booth

It was originally you and roy before jason showed up, the two of you on either side

Jason shows up and just sits right next to you. No hesitation.

You and roy are laughing away, recounting stories and telling jokes.

Jason is just... really quiet

unusually quiet

He doesn’t look at you guys, rather looking out across the bar, trying to hide the fact he’s feeling this way

That he's feeling unreasonably jealous of his best friend

who literally brought you FOR JASON

He knows it’s stupid. He trusts both of you. You two are the two people he trusts the MOST

He hates that he’s like this, but he can't help it

Roy's better than him. You've known him for longer. He's making you laugh harder than Jason ever has. He's better looking, too. Older. More experienced.

His thoughts are clogging up his head. He's really not listening anymore, just holding his beer, eyes scanning the bar floor, watching the other patrons.

Then Roy is standing in front of him, saying something about using the bathroom.

He is giving a VERY pointed look at Jason.

a "make conversation with your crush or I'm shoving an arrow down your throat" kind of look

Jason felt a little stab of genuine anxiety shoot through him.

He's talked to you alone before. Many times. You two were friends, of course. He doesn't know why this is how he's feeling right now.

Then your hand is resting on his forearm.

Poor boy is still so caught up in his head he just looks down at your hand for definitely a second too long before finally meeting your gaze

Your gaze with those stupidly pretty eyes.

Then comes that horrendously pretty voice, "You alright?"

He nods. Shrugs. Like a stupid teenager who doesn't know how to handle his emotions.

He has to admit he's still a little tense about your attention being focused more on Roy. But not to you. He'd never admit it to you. You'd probably find it unattractive and then he'd really never have a chance.

“Yeah, no, im enjoying the talking. Always forget how well you and roy know each other”

“Oh yeah he just knows how to get me going. You know how he is”

Jason doesn’t know how he does it.

Like some leap of faith.

Some, jealousy super-powered leap.

He tries to be non-chalant about it.

“It’d be nice to do this again sometime. Maybe without Roy around.”

BOY'S HEART IS POUNDING

Sipping on his beer, looking down at it instead to avoid eye contact with you so he doesn't lose his cool.

Or someone show on his face that he is actually shitting bricks

You don't respond for a second and the alarm bells start going off in his head

WHY DID I SAY THAT WHY DID I SAY THAT WHY DID I SAY-

"It would be nice," you say, "Could we make it a date instead?"

He's smiling, turning to nod at you, "Course we can."

But his internal dialogue is just straight screaming at himself

"IDIOT YOU SHOULD'VE MADE IT OBVIOUS YOU WANTED IT TO BE A DATE IN THE FIRST PLACE"

The things jealousy will make you do

Roy comes back and sits down

Jason's into the conversation now

It doesn't really matter that Roy is still making you laugh

because he's not the one holding your hand under the table

AH I HOPE YOU LIKE -missy

I also love a jealous petty man (as long as it doesn't become toxic and he doesn't use it as an excuse to be an asshole)

[danrifics]

you all pestered me for it and here it is. the closeness analysis/ theory.

now if you didn't see I basically had this theory that the closer to BIG and COTY we get in the DAPG timeline the closer dan and phil sit to each other. Dan made a comment about how them playing Heartthrob being like a gay soft launch and that got me thinking of some other ways they could have done it and one of those being the idea that as time goes on you get less and less strict and worrisome about what others think of you and so they end up gravitating closer and closer.

This post will be under a see more cos its probably gonna be long af.

I will be splitting it into stages.

2014 -15

2016 - 17

2018

revival

sorry the screenshots arent clickable to make bigger tumblr only allows for 30 on a post so i had to group them together!

(i will not be covering horror games apart from in the revival stage and i will also not be talking much about gamingmas 2023)

2014 - 15

now when i initially went to collect my evidence, i was suddenly worried maybe i kinda had things wrong because i feel like in Donkey Kong Country (the first dapg video, see screenshot below) they're sat pretty close but honestly when we get to how they sit a lot later on you'll see that this is actually pretty far apart

now here are some screenshots for the inital look at at the end of them we'll talk (this will be the layout for most of this post i think)

now of course this is only a selection of those year's videos if i screenshotted them all i fear this post would never end. now these first 2 years are a good mix of at desk videos on sofa videos. i noticed from some other videos not show here that in sofa videos they rend to sit a lot closer to each other than they do at the desk, this is kinda funny to me cos really they definitely have room for a wider frame on the couch if they wanted to sit like normal people.

2016 - 17

2016 and the start of 2017 feel like a mixed bag of how close together they are but i did notice that the more into 2017 we got the more they seemed to be shoulder to shoulder! these also started to wean out sofa sitting games (not 100% gone yet but almost). now if you're wondering why i've kept this screenshot apart its cos this is the last one in the first london apartment.

and honestly from here on out is where i believe the "soft launching" begins!

so lets finish 2017 and see if im right!

just had to single out this screenshot for a sec:

in case anyone wondered that is the face dan made during dream daddy when phil reads "we were roommates for a while too"

softlaunch?

anyway moving on

watching these videos definitely feels like something changed btw, while they still arent as close as we'll start seeing them sit, i definitely noticed more often they were shoulder to shoulder. but like a new room has definitely changed the vibe a little bit between them, and now we can move on to the next and final year of pre hiatus dapg, where things as you will see immediately start to change.

2018

like i said... immediately we are met with this, i would also like to let everyone know that 2018 is my favourite era of pre hiatus dapg

lets see what the rest of this year will bring

now i'm splitting 2018 up into parts because i need to do a whole talk about the tour situations so for now lets look at the above screenshots, now its very obvious that they are sitting so much closer to each other which i think is really funny considering how big that room is and often in this section of videos there is a lot of room either side of them so they literally do not need to be that close.

now lets talk about the tour bus. this is how close they're sitting

thats for sure a 1 person seat yet they've both forced themselves on even tho the sofa literally behind them would have been perfectly fine to sit on, and they cant give me "this is the only place to set up the camera" babe its really not theres a whole surface behind you.

okay thank you for listening to this, moving on to the final part of 2018!

(the last 2 screenshots are out of order oops)

idk about you but yeah i think they are definetly a lot closer than they were way back in 2014. i really dont have a lot to say other than that, and i have definetly proven my theory so now we've established that lets have a brief look at post hiatus dapg!

Revival

Now this is gonna be really brief its just a summary of where we are post BIG/COTY and post hiatus (things my brain still cant quite believe is real)

now here are the revival moments i wanna give a mention!

firstly sims season ep 3 when dan moves his chair away from phil and their wheels are literally locked together, pushing phil's chair too

heres dan looking into the monitor and then moving closer to phil <3

and finally

hand hold

thanks for reading all this and sorry if it didnt live up to the hype lmao

[st4rwon]

winter + bf!changbin

warnings: none js fluff!!

it was freezing cold out today, leading to you being tucked under a couple blankets and snuggled into your boyfriend’s chest. his strong muscular arms held you close to him and he brushes his hands through your hair.

though from the corner of your eye, you noticed something falling from the sky outside. then you saw some more of the white dots falling to the ground. suddenly it hit you, it was snowing!

“binnie!! look outside, there’s snow! cmon lets go look!” you said giggling, as you ran outside the room.

changbin chuckled to himself amused at your behavior, he knew how much you enjoyed the cold weather. he trailed behind you and grabbed a coat for you, along with some earmuffs and a scarf. he expected you to stay outside for quite a while, as you liked to sit outside and loved the beauty of nature, so he grabbed some gloves as well.

“binnie come quick! we gotta make our wishes together”

“im coming darling! just gotta make sure i get some things so my cutie doesn’t freeze to death”

changbin rushed outside and helped you put on all the items he brought. he brought you into a tight back hug and clamped both your hands together. both of you silently made your wishes, before you turned around and pressed a soft kiss to changbin’s lips.

“im so happy to be spending year with you bin. i remember last year, my wish was for you to ask me out, and you did!”

“god you’re so cute ynie. im glad you wished for that because i wouldn’t want to have anyone else as my partner. now shall we dance in the snow, pretty?”

“we shall!”

please don’t spam like posts, repost, translate, or use my work without my permission. all work is fictional and only used for entertainment purposes. © azurez 2024

[acutewitchcraft]

Experimenting with doing spells and rituals in minecraft again recently and noticing the difference from where i was back then to where i am now

I was and still am a witch in the broom closet, but getting a little older and more crafty and more observant i felt that my practice was a little stagnant and so i spent time branching out with spells and other relevant skills in the physical

Ending up with a lot of experimentation and exploration with types of spellwork since sigilwork wasn't doing it for me anymore

Eventually landed on something I was comfortable with, which was essentially container magic, filling it with herbs and plants that ive bought or grown the past year which was been pretty cool

I've needed the time and experience to develop some of my foundational skills that i thought i had a good handle on but didn't really, and i feel that i know how I can work best now and how to tap into my sense better and feel out energy

Which was interesting when i got back into doing spells with minecraft again

I was going through a tough time the past few days in my personal life, and while the source of stress and my fear had passed, there still lingered a feeling of heaviness in my heart and I wanted to help myself with processing it

So it felt like it was the best time to experiment

Last time, i had been testing and theorising about pixel sigilwork but again it just wasn't cutting it for me anymore

I let my instincts be my guide, and i outlined a few things it had to do

One, the main intentions are cleansing and healing, what i had felt has already been addressed and acknowledged, it just had to be nudged along, and i needed the beginning of my healing process to help me further move forward

Two, putting ingredients / components into a container like a barrel or shulker just wasn't going to cut it because instead of releasing the energy, i felt that that was just going to keep it so i had to take another avenue

Which led me to referring back to my correspondence posts and working on something there

I eventually found myself setting up in the birch forest, finding a nice area to set up the spell in

I have decided that biome due to the associations of birch being of new beginnings, and calming nerves and anxieties

Also i have decided on the idea of the idea of some of well build, since the idea was to throw the ingredients into lava to burn but i had another idea

A minecraft mechanic was that items automatically despawn after a few minutes if you don’t pick it up and i felt that that was the perfect opportunity to utilise it to make it so that each time one of them does, it's like it's releasing it's energy and intentions out into the world

So the lava was replaced at the bottom of the well, where i instead replaced it with water, and later covered the bottom with dripleaves, to signify that despite my trouble and struggles, there is still room for new growth

Also it made a very cool effect of drooping to drop the items i threw on top of it into the water beneath and i didn't want to pass it up

The colour schemes i chose were black and green, allowing myself to essentially build and texture a black well, surrounding it with a design at the edges with green and then lighting the area up with candles and froglights

The next part was choosing the spell components i wanted to use, and when that was done, I put away my blocks and my tools, leaving the ingredients in my hotbar and casted a circle in the game to set up the space

I won't really detail how i did that since im not sure that feels right now, so i'll be doing more testing in the future

Next was me trying to replicate what I tend to do to charge the ingredients of the spells with the specific intentions I was going for, and i found that in going down the hotbar, putting the component into my offhand and speaking my focus and intentions to it like that actually worked great

So slowly i worked with each of them, feeling when the energy settled or felt like it was ready before i threw it down the well

And once my hotbar was clear, i waited and felt out the energy, checking to see if the items below had all despawned completely

When it was, i winded things down and closed the circle, and found that the heaviness in my chest had eased quite a bit and i felt a little more settled

It was extremely effective, much more than i thought it would and I'll probably do more spells and experimenting in the future

Also more posts of correspondences to other parts of the game

Excited to do more!

[gurugirl]

https://www.tumblr.com/gurugirl/727844679534690304/guru-im-devastated-after-that-last-bff-dad-when?source=share

YES ME TOO I'm devastated 😩 Can you please give me something to hang on to (sneaky please?) until you post on Monday (I'm really not sure I can last that long I'm sobbing)? Anything at all???? Please guru 🙏

Oh I'm so sorry 😩 Look, only because you asked nicely will I give you something. But I gotta say... most of this next part is also angst (until it's suddenly not at the end 👀) so while I will give you something, like you asked, I can't promise you that this will make you feel much better. But it does give you some more insight into things.

Enjoy this sneaky from the next part of bfd!harry!!

“Fuck…” he whispered to himself as he sat down on the hardwood floor next to his desk. What was he doing? Why had his life come to this? It was his fault. He recognized it. He’d been weak and lusting after you long before he made any moves.

It was the night of Fae’s 22nd birthday. About two years ago. They threw a big party for all of Fae’s friends. You showed up early to their house, which wasn’t out of the norm for you, being Fae’s best friend. But Fae hadn’t arrived yet and Mrs. Styles was just on her way back with the cake. Harry was in the backyard setting the chairs and cups and fixing up loose ends. It was just the two of you.

“Mr. Styles!” You snuck up behind, startling him.

He turned quickly and was caught off guard by your outfit. You were dressed for a party. A pretty thin yellow dress with small white polka dots. The top part was well fitted around your breasts and tapered at your waist where the skirt was a little more flowy and knee length. It wasn’t inappropriate and didn’t show too much skin but there was something about the way you looked in it that had him taken aback. You looked so grown. Stunning.

“Hi, Y/n. How are you, dear?” He pulled you in for a hug and he didn’t know what it was about the hug either. You were warm and had pressed your body into his and it riled something inside of him.

When he pulled away from you he kept his eyes on yours and he noticed your lips and how soft your skin was on your cheeks. Your big round eyes took him in and it felt like you were both looking at one another in a different light for the first time.

“Uh… can I help you with anything?” You quickly spoke. Suddenly appearing nervous.

“Oh… no. That’s okay. We’re pretty much done here,” he looked around the backyard and back toward you.

You turned and looked toward the house and then to him, “Is anyone else here?”

“No. Just us.”

You smiled and looked down at the grass and then backed up slightly, planting your gaze back on his, “Well, I can go back inside. Don’t want to bother you or–“

And in some moment of clarity or insanity, he couldn’t be sure, he stepped forward and wrapped his hand around your wrist, “It’s okay. You’re never a bother, Y/n.”

You looked down at where he was touching you and back into his eyes. The moment felt so intimate. So real. He watched your lips part the slightest.

“Oh. Okay.” Was all you could muster to say.

You were clearly affected by his touch. But so was Harry. His hands on your wrist felt sizzling. He couldn’t explain it. Sure he’d always seen a pretty girl when he looked at you but there was something different about you on that day.

During the party, Harry noticed that his eyes kept meeting yours. It was unspoken but the continuous search for one another didn’t stop all night. He hoped no one else saw it. He was sure no one did. And it wasn’t as if anything had really happened anyway. It was innocent. Just frequent gazes from opposite sides of the yard.

Before you left for the night you helped clean up. You found Mr. Styles boxing up the string lights and he stood up when he saw you approach him. He wasn’t sure if you were seeking him out at that very moment on purpose or not, but no one else was around to witness what you did next.

You gently reached for his hand and then stepped in to give him a hug, “This was fun, Mr. Styles.”

Your words were innocent enough but the hug was even more intimate than the first one you shared when you originally arrived. You put your arms over his shoulders and he wrapped his around your back. You both stood pressed together for longer than would have been seen as appropriate. It was definitely a signal. A shift of something deeper.

Harry turned to put his face into your hair and responded, “I’m glad you were here tonight.”

It might have been two years ago, but it was what had begun everything. From then on, he noted your longing gazes, just as he was sure you saw his too. But you both had never acted on it. Until that day at your apartment.

🏷️ @zayndrivesmeinvain @i83andrew @shamelessfangirl-3 @onceagainace @mema10 @princessprongs

[9w1ft]

Speaking of jewelry, i have some questions i hope you can answer:

Karlie normally wears a gold ring and a silver swarovski ring (i think) on her ring finger, recently i noticed that she hasn't worn the latter and it made me wonder, when did she start wearing it?

I remember last year Taylor wore a necklace that supposedly said “mom”, was there any confirmation of this?

thanks!

sure thing!

i think you mean her left hand rings, correct? i think this is known as her wedding ring (the gold) and to me the other silver one has always visually seemed like a stand in for her big engagement ring. i often see them identified as being from briony raymond and swarovski (here is an example) but i do not recall if we have ever gotten official published identification of where they are from (for example in a magazine or interview). also she has been seen wearing several different widths of this briony raymond sloane line, which (i am recalling of the top of my head here) i believe have been pointed out and promoted on the jeweler’s instagram. i don’t have any memory of her wedding ring being promoted in the same way, although my mind was sort of in a different place at the time so this is just me babbling. i guess what i mean to say is, it’s a pretty plain gold band so im not sure we can definitively just say that it’s from the same brand that she has other rings from. as for how long she’s worn the swarovski ring, i am not sure, and i sort of wonder if she hasn’t actually worn more than one silvery ring over the years because i don’t recall it always being an eternity band of stones. i feel like i would remember that. at any rate, i would have to do a little digging. my gut says it feels recent to me? (update: a quick look makes me think it might have first appeared in her january 1 2024 instagram post?) maybe she got it as a gift or something when she signed on to do that recent swarovski campaign? it’s an interesting price point to me (under $100).

as for the mom necklace there has been no confirmation of this to my knowledge but i’ve seen it from enough angles to firmly believe that it is in fact a mom necklace. like the kind you’d get your mom for mother’s day back in the 90s. everyday jewelers have countless versions of it so it’s been hard to find an exact match. it might be sourced or vintage, as well. at one point in her foray into charms last year, she wore something that im assuming was from foundrae which looked a lot like the mom necklace, but it said amate across the heart shape. still, some of the angles of the mom necklace are incredibly uncanny in terms of how the asymmetrical outlines of the heart and the lettering represent that sort of mom necklace vibe. and so i feel like this might have been a separate purchase. and thank you to everyone reminding me people magazine pointed out that it appeared to read MOM.

[cugzarui]

watched episode 3

i think this show might be bad at female characters. i tried to be fair to gwen when analyzing her because i felt i might be bad at analyzing female characters but now that ive seen three episodes i realized its not just me. this show has basically NO female characters whatsoever. so far theres been gwen and...bens teacher? who is shown exactly twice for a whopping screen time of like two minutes and three lines. and thats. that's about it. theres like literally, no i think there's ACTUALLY, no other female characters so far save for an extra or two.

i cant even blame this on the show being from the 2000s cuz avatar the last air bender is *verifies online* yep from the exact same year and yet has a bunch of prominent female characters that are actual unique characters rather than just archetypes. phineas and ferb aired just a couple years after ben 10 and also do well for female characters. im pretty sure even spongebob does better than ben 10 here.

i didnt notice it the first time watching but its a little bizarre now that i did. in modern shows it's incredibly common for not just female characters but characters from all sorts of groups to be in any and every role. its a point of pride even as shows try to be as inclusive as possible. there is still some of that in the 2000s but not nearly as much. female leads for instance would be unusual in a show not explicitly made for girly girls (example: club winx. totally spies). but it would be standard to include at least one girl character (the token girl), and would not be at all unusual to include girls in other roles as well. ben 10 though just said "no thanks" and basically only included the token girl. bens and gwens bickering now becomes funny on a meta level cuz even the characters arnt happy that shes there. well except max anyway. ben literally asks what shes even doing there like he knows this isnt the show for her, and honestly? maybe we should've gotten that lucky girl spinoff. maybe she wouldve been better served by having her own show that actually knew how to write women.

i dont have much to say about the actual episode.

its a typical ben 10 adventure. it is the first time ben couldnt just punch his way out of a problem though, as theres a whole thing of who is the real bad guy that he has to figure out first. a mystery episode, and its a decent mystery as well, just not unusual for the ben 10 franchise. but i guess that's probably because this is one of the episodes that would set the precedent for how the show is written.

i would say the fight scenes and fight choreography in this show is top notch, and the animation in general. which i forgot to mention in my last post. but the fight with the kraken is one of my all time favorite fight scenes.

also max isnt as selfish in this episode so maybe i was too quick to judge him

and that guy...captain...shaw? sho? sh-never mind. exposition guy. i like him. hes a good true neutral character. he aint a bad guy but he can be trouble and you gotta watch out for him. he dont respect authority and he aint no snitch. hes unlikeable enough i dont root for him but i like him around. honestly maybe he shouldve been in more episodes.

[arsenicosises]

On Journaling

Hi, so i LOVE journaling. im obsessed with it, i love talking about, its my main personality trait, i try to convince everyone i meet to journal (and have succesfully convinced many of my friends to do so).

I would like to talk about it, and answer questions about it. More than anything i think this is an interest and hobby of mine that has become so integral to my being and i cannot live without it and i think its super super helpful and fun. Obviously for many people it isnt helpful or inspiring but it could be! give it a try! so here is a LONG post about my basic journaling practice, why i journal, and how i became consistent and happy with it.

My journal collection.

Currently im actively using a 3 notebook system, and i have 4 total journals. the first (A) is my regular journal one that i will habit track, write my goals, ramble, diary entries, collages. anything. the second is my commonplace book (B) (the most recent additon) which i use to collect information i want to reference back to (everday reciepes, facts, excersizes/activities) and i also use it as a on the go notebook since its small enough to fit in my purse. 3rd (C) in my system is my planner. its a blank notebook that i draw a calender in and use it for to-do lists or things i need to remember, its the messiest of the 3. the 4th is a bit of a wildcard, i have a journal that i am making for a friend and they are making one for me and we trade them once they are done. fun little bonding activity, i do more prompts and artistic collages and lists for them.

I am pretty picky but also broke so i wanted to share the types of journals i use. type A is currently a art creation sketchbook (im canadian so a win for us) i adore it and its a good length of pages for me since i can finish them quickly and they are thick enough for me to draw in on occassion. B is a A6 spiral bound blank muji notebook, small enough for my purses and i like the hard cover so i can flip it over and write even without a hard surface. C was a gift, a grid notebook a freind got me but i have in the past used an A5 muji blank notebook, im the least picky with this type. Just no lines, my handwriting is messy and lines get in the way.

My History + Why

so i have been doing diary writing of some sort since i was a kid, if very sporatically. i was definitly inspired by dork diaries <3 and i for sure think it was a way for me to talk to someone about the traumas i was experiencing without guilt or shame. I have journaled on and off for years. i started taking it a bit more seriously in highschool, I'd finish one journal every like 2 years/1.5 years. last fall i had a pretty thin notebook that i didnt love that i had for oct-dec since i didnt want to start a new nice one so close to the end of the year and for some reason i just poured into it. i think the goal of finishing it was motivated 1. because i was excited to use my new one for the new year 2. i was very conciously working on my mental health and developing new hobbies, 3. i was away from my friends, and 4. I decied that instead of having the like 5 journal system i previously did (why idk) and being so precious about it i would mush them all into one and build from there. this year I have finished 2 journals and started my 3rd one yesterday. not even that i was trying. infact my first journal of the year i thought was so beautiful so i was a bit precious about it sometimes. It just got solidified as a habit, and i needed it as a coping mechanism. its definitely something i use more when I'm feeling lonley or my friends are away at school, but even during the summer i love it. I dont force myself anymore which is a wonderful feeling.

The biggest change i made to become consistent started with me noticing how bad of a vibe my journals had before. i only ever journaled the bad things or the things i was too embarassed to say. So everytime i picked it up i felt BAD. i stopped using my journal at the time half way through and started a new one with the express mentality that i was going to do both good and bad things in one space. make it my life. I started writing out my goals semi regularly, documenting good days like my birthdays, journaling while waiting for friends at cafes, sticking in receipts and packaging, doing pretty/ugly collages, all while also journaling through late night breakdowns, difficult times, therpay sessions, and coping strategies. i used it as a place to extend my joy AND process my sadness and mental health. the point is, make your journal a confidant. Its so helpful for me (a chronic oversharer) to write stuff down and then if i still feel the urge to talk to someone i do. this doesnt limit my social interaction but enhances the conversations i can have because I have already processed parts of my emotions.

So generally speaking i journal because its helpful and fun. I suspect i have ADHD and i also dissacociate from my depression/anxiety so i forget things. both good and bad. so i need a record of not only my plans but also the good things that happen in my life. Nostalgia runs deep in my bones and i cannot wait to read these back as i age. every year i wish i had journaled more in my childhood. its also a way for me to process my emtions and feelings without spiraling, i write slower than i type so it forces me to slow down. I also feel like externalizing my emotions to a book gets them out of my head. there are a few anxiety reducing things i have learned that help A TON

You dont need to be consistent about it, there has been days or weeks where i dont touch my journal because i dont feel the need to. But because of the years of practice i know when i havent been thinking about my emotions or I feel like my brain is a mess that i need to. Even when i've just had a really really good conversation i know its something i want to write down. sometimes i will type entries into my phone and either print them or copy them into my journal.

My journals, past and present, are some of my most prized possessions. PLEASEE feel free and encouraged to ask me things or tell me about your journaling practice!!!!

[nonexistent-introvert]

One Drink (Paper stars 8)

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Word Count: 2.1k

Content: all the usual stuff, hangovers, alcohol mentions,

A/N: Short chapter, i feel like im shadowbanned but whatever

Paper stars masterlist

    The consequences of Joel’s actions hit him like a bucket of cold water. He massaged his temples as he sat up from the couch where he had crashed onto the night before. The smell of alcohol clouded his senses and made his head spin more. Joel reached for his phone, letting out a sigh before he plugged his phone into the charger on the counter. Joel stumbled ever so slightly to the kitchen to pour himself a cup of water. He opened the cupboard and closed his eyes to try to focus on something else other than the pounding pain in his head. That’s when he caught sight of the post-it note stuck onto the cupboard. 

   “Off to school. Just a heads up, we ran out of ibuprofen.” a note from Sarah. 

   He was just down on his luck to have ran out of ibuprofen today. 

   Joel emerged from the shower, feeling slightly more refreshed than before but still sluggish. He leaned over the counter, picking up his phone. Joel flinched at the sight of the notifications that flooded his screen. 

    “You crashed pretty hard huh?” 

    “Took the day off you for you, seems like you need it.”

    Tommy. The rest of the messages were from you. 

    Messages that made him sit down, messages that weighed heavily on his conscience. 

    “Where are you?” 

     “You’re so buying dinner, you’re 15 minutes late.” 

    “Joel, I’m getting worried.” 

    “Did something happen?”

     “The restaurant’s closing. I’ll head home first.” 

     The multitude of missed calls from you too. He ran his fingers through his hair, wincing at the thought of you sitting at the restaurant by yourself. He didn’t mean to stand you up, it was just supposed to be one drink. 

================================================

      “Tommy, I gotta go somewhere.” Joel brushed his brother’s invitation off. Tommy rolled his eyes, “It’s not a blind date.” Joel grunted, “Please, just one drink. And I’ll let you off.” Tommy pleaded. “Another day Tommy.” Joel stuffed the documents into his bag. “Come on, I promise you can go by 8” Joel stared at Tommy. “One drink.” Tommy grinned triumphantly, swinging his arm around Joel as he led him out. 

     One drink, Joel thought to himself as he ordered his usual whiskey on the rocks. Tommy was awfully cheery today, his eyes darting to the entrance every so often. Joel noticed of course, but he had learned over the years to mind his own business when it comes to what Tommy was up to. If this was another scheme of Tommy’s to get him a partner he might just burst a vessel right then and there. “My treat, drink till you're full brother.” Tommy stated confidently. Joel raised his eyebrows skeptically at him, “Did you win the lottery or something?” Tommy smiled, “Something along those lines.” Joel swirled the whiskey in his hands, “Great, you can start with paying more for the rent for the office.” Tommy hummed, Joel was sure he hadn’t heard what he had just said and merely agreed, if he knew he would probably be whining like the younger brother he always was. Joel’s thoughts eventually drifted to you, he fumbled with the necklace around his neck. He looked down at his outfit that he had changed into after work. He had made reservations at a restaurant and had bought a bouquet of flowers that he was due to collect in a few minutes time. Joel was going to do what he didn’t get to do in the last decade, he was going to make his feelings for you known. As soon as that thought left him, he chuckled to himself, taking a sip of his whiskey. He was a man turning 30, a single father, his health was declining and he wasn’t even confident enough to call himself financially stable. Not to mention, it had only been months since Tommy and he decided to leave the small carpentry company he had worked in, his first job, to start their own carpentry company. The business was slow and their projects were time-consuming he had no choice but to pull long nights due to the lack of manpower. This date with you, it sounded terrible now. Who in their right mind would choose someone like him? You are smart, have a job that pays well, and a series of opportunities awaiting you. A future that no doubt is brighter than his. 

    Joel did what he did best then, overthinking. A habit that he had picked up and hated with all his heart. Sure, that habit made him more rational and probably helped him make more good decisions than bad but he sometimes wished he was as impulsive as he was when he was younger. When he could do something without going too much into the specifics of the consequences. He downed the whiskey, drowning those thoughts away.     Was he being selfish? 

    Joel raised his empty glass to Tommy. His index finger raised to remind his brother of the promise of one drink. Tommy’s eyes widened, taking the glass from him as he gestured for the bartender to fill it up again. “Please. I swear it’ll be worth it.” Tommy pleaded, giving Joel a look that reminded Joel of a younger version of Tommy. It was the same look that he had used to dazzle and charm multiple women into doing favors for him and also the same look he had given to his own mother when he was a child, begging for a toy in a toy shop. Joel hated that he had a small and tiny soft spot in him for Tommy’s stupid look, he really should be immune to that by now. Joel sighed, taking the glass again from Tommy. He did need the liquid courage if he wanted to go through with his plan. He glanced at the watch on his arm, hitting it when he realised it had jammed again before giving up and checking the time on his phone instead. He still had some time to spare. 

   Tommy was practically bouncing in his seat, he was quieter than usual. Too busy looking at the entrance for someone to busy himself with a conversation with his brother. Unfortunately for Joel, today was one of the days Joel wished he would distract him with a conversation and not leave Joel to his own devices. Joel couldn’t shake the feeling that he was making a bad choice, what if you had to give up opportunities for him? Because he was in no place to leave right now. His thoughts went back to how you mentioned wanting to work at a studio that was located in New York. Could a long-distance relationship with his already hectic schedule even work out? Would the both of you even work out? He didn’t want to lose you again over some stupid relationship. Unknowingly, Joel had downed more than just two glasses of whiskey. 

    Joel debated on telling Tommy about his plans for tonight. Not wanting to be mocked by Tommy or see Tommy’s shit-eating grin Tommy’s dreams of the both of you getting together was becoming true. He wanted it to be a surprise if the plan worked out smoothly. If it didn’t and you rejected Joel, he would act like it never happened and move on, he didn’t want the words of consolation from Tommy.  Upon realizing that he may just explode from the doubts that were forming in his head, he decided that maybe telling Tommy and getting advice from him who knew you better than he did would do him some good. 

     “Hey, you know… later I’m meeting with-” He started, words slurring slightly from feeling a little tipsy, but Tommy hopped off his seat before Joel could say anything. 

    Tommy came back with a woman on his arm. The woman had shoulder-length hair as she waved shyly at Joel. “Joel, my older brother. This is Maria, we have been dating for a few months now.” Tommy smiled shyly at the last part. Joel’s jaw dropped, he had never realised that his brother had found himself someone. He cleared his throat before extending his hand out. Joel should have nursed his tipsiness if he knew who was coming, he figured that being in a tipsy state was not necessarily the best first impression. 

   Maria is a fantastic listener. A contrast that complimented Tommy’s talkative nature. She was friendly and easygoing, she had a comforting aura that made Joel willing to open up about the worries he had for the date that already seemed to be spilling over. A keen eye noticed that Joel was nervous about something, Joel almost felt like a kid again. A kid whose mother was scanning their body language. That was how Joel found himself talking to Maria about the date, how he downed a few more glasses of whiskey, how Tommy butted in when he was practically out of his mind with another topic of conversation. The date and time just slipped his mind and soon his consciousness it seems. 

    When he lifted his head from the counter again. He looked around groggily. “Hey, you’re up.” Maria’s voice woke him. He smiled, sleepily wiping his eyes. “Not for long” he muttered. Maria laughed. “Tommy went to get the car. Said he will meet us out front, he was planning on helping you back because of.” She gestured at Joel’s state. Joel leaned closer, finding difficulty in hearing her because of the loud music blasting. “Sorry?” Maria repeated herself patiently, gesturing for the bartender for a cup of warm water for Joel to sober up. Joel thanked her, drinking the warm water in his hands. He didn’t even realise Maria had patted his back to better help him, or maybe she was just afraid that he might just puke all over the counter. The nauseous feeling seemed to make that scenario a possibility. 

   It was all a blur from then. He only briefly remembered dropping onto his couch and knocking out. 

================================================

   Joel shuffled into the pharmacy. Wincing at the sight of the bright lights in the pharmacy. He made his way to the usual section, where the hangover cures and pills sat. That’s when he spotted you. His throat grew dry, he needed to apologize for yesterday, for standing you up, but he was hesitant to do so, unsure of how to phrase his words. You walked past him, your eyes were swollen, your right hand was on your left shoulder, massaging an ache. He noticed the ibuprofen in your hands too. Were you nursing a hangover too? Your eyes were in a daze, your earphones dangling from your ears.  A blank look in your eyes, too into your thoughts or whatever is in your mind. Your feet tapped softly to the beat that he assumed was playing in your ears as you paid for the pills. His eyes followed you anxiously as he waited for the cashier to finish the transaction. When the cashier handed him his pills, he took off running. Apologizing to the pedestrians who he had to push past while his eyes followed you. He sprinted as he watched you cross the road. 

     Joel waited at the other side of the road, clutching onto his knees as he panted from running after you. He glared at the red light in front of him. He had tried calling out to you but you didn’t hear him because of the earphones. He had called you through the phone too but it had gone straight to voicemail. Joel hitched a breath when his eyes met yours from across the street. A look of realisation dawned upon you before it darkened, you bit your lip, your eyebrows furrowing at the sight of him then you looked him in the eye. Joel’s blood froze in his veins as he noticed the look on your face. Your eyebrows furrowed as you tried to bite back the frown that was forming on your lips. The look of disdain and disappointment that you had shot him before you increased your pace. He never wanted to be greeted with that look again. He couldn’t help how his whole body stilled and froze. 

    Joel had messed up. Real bad this time. He was never someone who was good at not messing up, but he was one hell of a fixer.  He would go to the ends of the earth for you, he had to make this right. The question was how? 

[beanghostprincess]

when did you start watching the anime (also how/why)

and how many episodes do you watch per day to go that fast??? (im asking because im genuinely impressed)

It's a funny story, I think-

Basically, I was hanging out months ago (like, the start of this year?? End of last year?? I think??) with my brother and his friend at his friend's house and they were like "Oh! What if we watch One Piece? The first episode, cmon, Robin!" and I was like: "Fuck, no. Shit's too long. Not watching all that. I'm sure it's cool and you two love it but I'm sooo not getting into this". But then they wouldn't stop insisting and the show started playing out of nowhere and, like, I just wanted to eat my salad so I guess I just didn't care if they made me watch a few episodes. The salad was really good, btw.

Anyway: I watched the first two episodes and I kind of?? Fell in love?? With everything about it??? Luffy was so charming and early OP is amazingly beautiful in all the ways. I kind of miss the energy, honestly, sometimes. But I loved it. I laughed. And I was like "Oh, okay. This is good. I'm probably not watching the rest because there are a lot of episodes but, like, cool show, guys!"

Spoiler: I did watch the rest.

But I didn't watch more until February. I was on my period and when I'm on my period I get really, really sick and I feel like shit in general. And I wanted to watch something to distract myself from that torture. So I asked my brother where he watched the show in Catalan (here in Spain/Catalonia it's also dubbed in Catalan and let me tell you, it's one of the best dubs I've seen. It's SO good) and I started watching it for real then.

The thing is, I was really, really slow watching the show because I was studying at the time and I could only watch at night sometimes and in between classes or whenever the teacher wasn't in class (or, you know, I just did it without the teachers noticing. The hyperfixation was growing). Besides, I started talking to my brother's friend more and more and more (now he's kind of like my best friend??? What the fuck lmao) and I literally told him every fucking thing that happened so, yeah, I wasn't quick watching the anime at the time. I would've probably caught up by now if it wasn't because I didn't have much time to watch it then.

Then I started Arabasta, and ever since, me and my friend have been watching the show together on Discord (I started watching it in Japanese and subbed, then). We watch the show every single night (except when we're busy, but it doesn't happen often) and we usually watch, like, 6-10 episodes every day. That's the average amount, but we've pulled all-nighters before when we've watched like 20 episodes during the night (we watched Marineford like that and we kind of did that too with WCI).

I think I don't go THAT fast tbh I could watch more every day if it wasn't because I watch the show with him only because it's sort of an 'us' thing. Now I'm on episode 1015, so I guess I'll catch up with the anime soon! Then I'll catch up with the manga and then I'll cry because I'll have to wait for episodes/chapters every week. What a torture.

TL;DR: I started watching in February, because my friend and my brother told me to and I fell in love with the show, and I watch 6-10 episodes every day unless I'm busy or I pull an all-nighter.

Fun fact: I watched the Baratie arc exactly on Sanji's birthday this year. I think he was truly meant to be my favorite character.

Oh, and the only reason I wasn't online commenting on my experience watching it before is because I physically stopped myself from looking for content because I didn't want to get spoiled. When I got to post-time skip, I created this side blog!! So, if you want a lil bit of a timeline: Started watching in February, got to post-timeskip in September when I created this blog (so 516 episodes in kind of half a year) and now I'm on episode 1015 (so 499 episodes in three months). I think it's pretty obvious that I'm not studying anymore and I'm just working 20 hours a week, huh.

[apheliia]

Hey so i hope you dont mind me adding some stuff to the request i sent you.

So i imagine the reader to be apart of Wildfire. Yes i did say they would stay low but after seeing how bad the Underworld is doing, they cant just stand by. They promise to look after Jarilo-VI until their mara struck them and that also include the underworlders. What kind of work they would be doing? Idk tbh but i imagine they work closely with Natasha and Oleg. I also think they might actually reveal their secret (their origin and work) to those two after a couple of years. Natasha is a doctor and she would obviously notice how the reader basically never aged at all after a few years. Although… i dont think they would reveal about the stellaron. I mean i could also possibly see them doing that as well but idk… maybe they will have to because im pretty sure those two are smart enough to connect the dots that the reader, like i said in my last ask, could technically command Svarog to open the furnace which leads to the reader revealing why they wont do it until they have a plan to take down Cocolia and the Stellaron.

I also just realized how the reader’s pressence would actually make the nameless’s job much easier. They can be the one explaining the history of the Eternal Freeze and what’s going on with Cocolia to the group, convincing Svarog to finally open the furnace bc they finally have a plan to defeat Cocolia and the Stellaron and Bronya would probably believe everything much better than she did in the game (bc she trusts the reader and seeing them in the Underworld would make her quickly realize her mother had been lying to her on what truly happened to the reader and to an extent, lying about everything)

Speaking of the Astral Express, i feel like Himeko might possibly offer the reader to go back home to the Luofu since they were stuck in Jarilo-VI for centuries but the reader would decline the offer. While they would like to go back to their homeland at some point, Jarilo-VI has been their home for a long time and they are not just going to abandon it on a fly, especially during the major changes that’s going on.

Although this made me think of when would the reader go back to Luofu? When they think Belobog can do well without them and their mara starts to act up. Xianzhou Natives have an average lifespan of about 800 years and the reader has been in Jarilo-VI for 700 years. So the reader has more or less 100 years to live before they become mara struck. I feel like the reader know that they have more or less a century to live before going mara struck, so later on in Bronya’s reign as Supreme Guardian, they would secretly prepare someone else to be The Advisor or let it die with them and tell Bronya about their upcoming ‘death’ and departure. Ofc Bronya will be distraught but she will accept it sadly and quickly prepare a “Going Away” party with everyone the reader know in attendance. It was a sad affair and the reader almost had doubts on leaving but in the end they did leave and went to the Luofu where they will spend those last decades in peace, knowing how they had raised a whole planet and was proud of everything they had done.

And like i promised in my last post, this will possibly spoil the whole request and you can choose not to reply to this ask first if you still want to post the context but

The reason I had this idea in the first place is bc of two stuff. A movie I watched called "Maquia: When the Promised Flower Blooms" and the song "Shelter" by Porter Robinson and Madeon. So the movie is about a girl who comes from a race of long lived species and after an attack destroyed her village, she was ready to end it all until she found a baby boy and decides to raise him even with the knowledge that her son will die before her. (Can you see where I got inspired?) The movie is honestly underrated and beautiful and I really suggest you and anyone who's reading this to watch it. There's a full movie of it in YouTube that is English dubbed (and dw it's not those sus videos, it's the real deal and I suggest you watch before it gets taken down). Then there's the music video called "Shelter", it's a really good song that really tugs your heart. The song in my opinion fits the vibe the whole brainrot have. I'm pretty sure the song is quite popular and you already know about it but I suggest you check it out if you haven't!

- 🐱 Anon

i was hoarding this ask for a while but i decided to reply to it! i definitely agree with all of this.

i can DEFINITELY see them being a member of wildfire, for multiple reasons. one, because they know that they have a unique way with svarog that others do not (they spent a really long time with him around, after all). two, because you're right--the belobogians are their responsibility. underworld or overworld, these people are theirs, and they should do everything they can to protect them. i also do think they would confide in nat and oleg, specifically nat though! she would totally notice how little they've aged. she knows they're quite a bit older than her but then why do they look her age? she would notice.

YEAH LMAO the nameless' job would be so much easier with them around. the mission would go far more smoothly imo. bronya, poor thing...... she would understand so much more easily but i do still think she'd be super upset about it.

yes! initially, i do see them refusing. BUTTTTTT their return would probably be the wiser choice, and i think they would understand and accept that. ESPECIALLY once they start noticing their mara flaring up worse and worse and worse.

at this point, reader would be in their 700s, so they're approaching the "end" of their unnatural lifespan. and i think they would want to go back to the luofu, if for no other reason than to protect their dearest people from the harsh reality of their life. the belobogians probably wouldn't know wtf to do with a mara-struck. but the xianzhou alliance? it's basically routine to handle them. i think [name] has been alive long enough to be wise. and it would be wise to be honest with bronya. they'd sit her down and quietly inform her of their upcoming "death" of sorts, and that they cannot remain here because they could not bare putting the burden of slaying them on her shoulders, especially when she's never even encountered a mara-struck before. it would be horrifying for her to see their slow decline into madness and their transformation into something unrecognizable. it would be unthinkable to put that on her shoulders.

though they would have loved to pass away peacefully on jarilo-vi, their death... won't be peaceful. because it isn't peaceful being long-lived in this way. and though it's sad to leave, they leave proud of what belobog and their children have become <3

i'll definitely have to look into it, then!!!!

[thereareeyesinsidethetrees]

cracks knuckles. so, been just trying to gauge overall reception with this, but what are your thoughts on the fan made return to the bunker episode? i’ve noticed glowing reviews from people who vaguely describe it—hit the character vibes right, jokes were cool, i liked the art, etc, but scathing ones from people who go more into detail—stan would never be this explicit in his desperation, ford was never this outcast or terrified of himself/others nor did he consider dipper as below, the entire thing was misogynistic, etc. so, what’s your opinion?

i did say i wasnt going to talk/reblog anymore posts about return to the bunker, but ill answer this anyway

i feel its kind of important to say right off the bat that i never finished the episode and i certainly dont intend to. i never even got to one of the b plot scenes with stan and dipper. i stopped around the bit where they got into the bunker and ford started trying to warn them about the shapeshifter. the clearly-not-ford-ness radiating off of 'ford' was too much to ignore and i couldnt finish it

anyway- what was good about the episode? well, the art and voice acting, for sure. during the first part, it also seemed like they had gotten the characters down pretty well and i thought some of the jokes were good.

in the first part.

and then mabel comes in. this is around the time real ford goes missing and fake ford shows up. no there arent two fords in the actual episode, its just that the difference between them is stark enough that theyre completely separate entities in my mind. anyway

i noticed that the sweater thing was weird to a lot of people. glad im not the only one that was extremely confused by the guy wearing a sweater saying it was too hot to wear a sweater. maybe it was meant to be a joke? it really just came off as ford trying to make excuses not to wear mabel's sweater.

which- its not like him not wanting to wear the sweater cant coexist with him liking mabel. maybe its a situation where he doesnt want her to see all his scars, or maybe he doesnt want it to get ruined when he goes to beat the shit out of the hawktopus (since yknow that was kinda the whole point of him being outside)

the point im trying to make here is that it really seems like the episode is just trying to paint ford as unreasonable and not liking mabel. speaking of which-

the way ford treats mabel is uncharacteristic. the first time we ever see ford smile in the show is when he's meeting mabel. he literally says 'i like this kid, she weird!', why are we acting like he doesnt like her?? genuinely confused. who looks at the way he was treating her in the episode and goes 'yeah fords just like that'?

sorry, anyway, last thing i have to say-

the entire bit where theyre making their way through the bunker struck me as a bit odd. it sorta felt like the episode was trying to make a joke out of ford and his wariness about the place? hes trying to guide mabel and some other kids he barely knows through the place, theyre rushing ahead (which cant be good for his paranoia), and for some reason when theyre getting close to shifty and hes trying to warn them its framed as him being melodramatic?

shifty locked his friend in a cabinet and pretended to be said friend so it could catch a look at the creatures in ford's journal and start transforming into them. i think hes allowed to be a bit cautious/afraid about meeting shifty again

and some bonus stuff ive heard about below:

ive heard that ford wipes their memories with the memory gun. he was a victim of it (implied or directly stated multiple times- who wants to bet hes got brain damage from that?) and he struggled so much to use it on stan in a situation where it was necessary to keep the world from ending. no, theres no way ford could just hit them with it like that

ive also heard fiddleford shows up and ford is weirdly antagonistic to him? 'im sorry fiddleford' is a phrase running through ford's mind on the constant for over thirty years and his first reaction to seeing fiddleford again is to apologize to him and assume he hates him. according to the journal, he actually mentioned to everyone else in the shack that he was wondering what happened to fiddleford. its implied he did that several times.

i dont have anything else to say and i dont know how to end this so. thats all. thank you for the ask and sorry if anything i said here sounded aggressive at all. not my intention.

uh moral of the story: i didnt like it :(

[bar-les-coucougnes]

So how's figuring the game out coming along? Any progress on theories? And bonus, how do you think this will end?

well to start with, the more it goes on, the less i understand, so that's the gist of it 👍

jokes aside, spoilers ahead, probably (i'm half convinced i'm just making shit up so im not sure those spoilers are all accurate, lol):

so i know some of it was told and some of it is kind of implied so i'm just going to go through my understanding of the events:

kinzo was in love with a 1st beatrice, who killed herself. then he "made" (using a surrogate mother, maybe? or, idk, he does employ orphans so maybe he could take one from the orphanage and tell them they're beatrice now) another one, 2nd beatrice, who grew up sheltered and wearing "beatrice"'s clothes from the portrait, who rosa met and helped run away, and died on the cliff because well, those are not practical clothes.

it COULD be that the 1st and 2nd one are actually one and the same, and that along the way someone retelling the event (rosa in one case, and i think beato in the other?), was mistaken about some stuff, since you could imagine that the line between "fell of a cliff while running away" and "killed myself to escape that creep" is a bit blurry.

then there's a 3rd beatrice who should be the same age as battler, and who battler, in some way "commited a sin against". i'm going to assume the whole "you didn't have anything to do with beatrice" red truth is because this beatrice was not called beatrice back then. as for the age, since the last beatrice died 19yrs ago, there's no reason to believe kinzo would've "made" a new one until after the death so she might be under 19? if the "making" of beatrice consists of taking small orphans and brainwashing them, i guess he could do that to toddlers and still getting away with it but after 5 or 6 years old, that might be complicated.

going slightly off topic here but when it was explained that he raised beatrice since she was a child, as a father or grandfather, in the hopes that when she grows up, she returns his affections or something? i think that's called grooming

back to 3rd beato and battler, i'm going to guess that battler somehow encountered her when he was like 12, saw her looking all pitiful and stuff and was like "don't worry, just hang tight and i'll come back and save you!" and then promptly fucked off for the next 6 years (classic move). which would explain why she's really mad at him and why he's acting like that when he remembers (though, so far, he hasn't said anything about what he remembers). i'll admit this part is partially because i saw some posts about "something something white horse" (coming to save her on his white horse? they did mention he has some pretty cringy lines as a kid) which is why i can guess that's his promise and that they're about the same age.

as for why he forgot, trauma? plot-convenient amnesia? someone caught up on what he was doing (i can imagine beatrice was somewhere battler wasn't supposed to go) and gave him the beating of his life and he forgot everything in the aftermath? or remembered it as a dream and forgot? actually that does remind me beatrice mentions that after she appears to people, they tend to forget about meeting her (which is why she burned/marked kanon and was it shannon too? so that they could remember the next day that they really did meet her)

also i'm going to be honest, while scrolling past memes and posts about umineko, i did notice that people call beatrice sayo (and this is where it's going to be embarrassing if i'm mistaken and it's just a name that looks like "sayo" and i remembered wrong lol) which is, incidentally, what shannon says is her real name. honestly that doesn't help me much because i'm not sure how that would fit in, exactly. maybe shannon is the 3rd beatrice? maybe she's the 4th beatrice actually and the 3rd one died and that's the real reason why beatrice said nothing happened between battler and beatrice? my head hurts

baby off the cliff: honestly, considering how kinzo moaned about "beatrice! beatrice!" after the servant and baby were pushed off the cliff, i wonder if the baby was going to be beatrice and he was like "fuck, now i have to make a new one"? (maybe that was his way of having beatrice grow up as successor?) i mean yeah the story says the baby is now a "man" but i'm aware that there are trans characters so someone could assume the baby was a boy and then 19 years later, surprise! this is now a beatrice. then again, the opening sequence has a young man with red hair so maybe that guy is the baby from back then. or maybe the baby just died and lambda was fucking around.

rationalizing the witches and demons:

at least for renove and virgilia: one is basically genji (even says at one point that genji's basically his vessel) and the other kumasawa. you could think that, with a bit of imagination, they could turn into "one hell of a butler" demon and "fairy godmother", basically. gaap is how you rationalize misplacing your stuff all the time (hello shannon).

probably missing a lot of stuff but i'd be here until 4am

oh yeah, how do i think it will end? everybody dies and the ghosts move on. i kind of want a happy ending but i'm not sure that's realistic. so i'd rather expect a sad ending and be pleasantly surprised if it's a happy ending :)

[1-talk-alot]

Alright imma be honest this might be one of the longest rants of mine ever and for bad reasons. Ive been putting off writing this because of the topic and also im not even sure how comfortable i am myself talking about and posting this entire thing but it’s literally on my mind 24/7. No one has to read this and also warning because im gonna be going into depth about eating disorders and body and a lotta that shit

Also im not proof reading this i literally never wanna see it again (and new phone means new autocorrect that doesnt know my common mistakes very well so its likely that theres a ton of spelling errors)

Why I say it’s going to be long for “bad” reasons, I mean the reason is that this fucking disorder has taken over my mind. Food is all I can think about, I constantly ask what’s for dinner so I can plan out what i can get away with not eating, ive lied about not liking certain foods so much that when someone offers me food it’s almost autopilot for me to go “im not hungry” or “sorry I don’t like ______.” I literally cant go on tumblr after I’ve eaten until I don’t feel full or else I’ll want to kms. What’s worse is that im 90% sure that the people I see daily are either aware or suspecting my ed, which makes eating in public feel like shit, but for some reason it also makes turning down food feel like shit? Its because I know saying “oh im not hungry” while others are eating sometimes makes the others feel like they shouldn’t be eating either, and I really really don’t want to be the reason anyone is forcing themselves to be miserable. I feel like an attention seeker whenever it’s clear that im the only one not eating and i hate it.

And also, when I say it’s “taken over my mind”, I don’t just mean that it’s all I can think about and manifest, I also mean its fucked with my ability to make proper decisions and take DEFINITELY made me a meaner person in my hate and oh my god I hate it so so so so so much. One thing I noticed like last year is how my whole life I just saw everyone as thinner than me, even if that wasn’t true?? I never saw other people for how they really looked, I genuinely just saw that I was fat and then saw everyone else as skinny even with people who werent (OBVIOUSLY not in a bad way please dont think im implying they were pretty before and werent after I promise I saw them as beautiful before AND after)

And it was only like last year that I realized I wasnt actually bigger than every single person I’ve ever met, and im being 100% genuine when I say I was surprised to find that out. Im not sure why, but I’ve unknowingly had body dysmorphia since I was a little kid. I think it’s gotten worse though, because I cant wear non-baggy clothing and look in a mirror without noticing anywhere on my body that has fat (specifically the arms. I hate my arms. The arms are the worst i cant wear tight sleeves or no sleeves anymore its just ahhewjsjajsjsk /vvvvvvvneg) and I’ve stopped wearing skirts / shorts recently because im too self conscience to wear them without tights and I dont like my thighs (not that I ever did, its just never been such an awful problem until now)

I dont know where this came from because there’s literally no proof and it’s all my imagination but it feels like no one would love me unconditionally unless i was thin. I sometimes wonder if people ever think im incredibly self absorbed with the way i look at my reflection in literally anything that has one when i walk by it, really i use this as a frequent and solid reminder not to eat if i can avoid it.

In general, the thought that I look big in literally anything I wear has gotten so much worse these past two weeks and idk what triggered it, especially my face shape. When I say I wish wearing masks (2020 reference) was normalized but not necessary I just mean I wish I had a good reason to cover my bottom half of my face. When I go on dog walks I wear scarves around my neck and I pull them up so it has the same effect but winter doesnt last forever and so I know I cant do that forever.

I think the whole calorie thing has 100% taken a toll on my energy, its hard to say if its also why im so cold all the time or if its just cold outside now that its winter, its definitely taken a toll on my memory which is why im even more scared of exams, and since im way more tired than i would be its also made me a lot more irritable which is why i wouldnt trust most of the rage driven posts i post on my other blogs.

Half related but learning about calories pretty much ruined my life. Mostly because theres so many in foods I used to eat all the time without knowing how quickly it adds up. Also because not knowing the amount of calories in something im eating is such a condescending feeling. When I say I wish I could recover, I dont mean I wish I could stuff my face without feeling guilty, I mean I wish I could eat normally in a normal way and feel normal about it. And not have to chew extra slow or drink water before meals so im too “full” to finish. Or not have to log everything I ate onto a calorie counter app of any time. Or not have to make my last mouthful really big, then get up to take my plate to the kitchen before I swallow it and spit it all out in the bin when I get there. Or not have to do that disgusting “chew and spit” method because im craving the taste of foods I miss. And not end up paranoid for no reason because what if the food I just ate had 1000 calories instead of 100 like google/my cal counter app said it did. And not avoid going out around lunchtime so I don’t have to eat out, or on the contrary, purposely go out around lunch time so I can say I already ate at home and no one can prove or disprove that. And not have Pinterest boards dedicated specifically to dresses Id wear if I actually lost that weight. But im not going to do that, probably not for a while now, because I feel Iike such a big waste of space above 50kg. I feel like no one will love me if im not pretty. I feel unwanted in public spaces if I don’t look good, even though 90% of the time im alone (dog walk) and 100% of the time no one really cares that much.

Idk this wasnt actually as long as I predicted earlier but I feel like I skimmed most of what I had to say because I felt like weird anyways. The point is I hate everything about my body and im not getting better until that statement no longer holds true