#this was born from a Bit that happened in my session last night

[monstersdownthepath]

do you ever get a dumb joke stuck in your head

[klaus-littlestwolf]

No Matter What- Aemond T.

Aemond is in love, and he refused to allow his nephew to have her. He will take her from Jacaerys by any means necessary.

Am I just going to keep writing my fics as if Season 2 didn’t happen at all?

Yeah…it’s very likely, yes🤣🤣

Also, for the person that DM’d me and asked if I have a name in mind for Y/n when I write for Aemond, yes. In my mind when I write, her name is Rhaella, I just think it’s the most beautiful Targaryen name I’ve heard. I also love Visenya but I feel it’s overused. The only other name I would potentially use would be Saera.

She was surprised by her Uncles attitude from the moment she first saw him again.

Y/n and Aemond had been best friends in their childhood. She had climbed onto the back of the Grey Ghost when she was only 5 years old (most people believing that the Dragon knew they were the same when it came to how shy and avoidant they were).

They hadn’t been close up until that point, only being 5 and 6 years old and both being outcasts among their family (though she almost preferred it that way). Y/n had offered to take Aemond with her flying one night after Aegon, Jace and Luke had ridiculed him again and he actually agreed, resting his hand on the nose of a dragon for the first time as Y/n calmed him. Climbing into the saddle and holding onto his niece had been awkward and a bit embarrassing until they were in the air and Aemond knew he was truly born for this.

From then on Y/n offered to take him with her quite often, always after their brothers had bullied one of them again. She comforted him, even once letting Aemond take the reigns and fly Ghost himself (which the pale dragon didn’t like at all sadly and only lasted a few moments), but the fact that she had done it meant the world to him. He promised to take Y/n with him on his dragon as soon as he mounts one, wanting desperately to impress her.

Aemond was Obsessed

Their friendship lasted like that for almost 4 years before that horrible night when Aemond was attacked by her brothers. He had been so excited to tell her about Vhagar, he had actually been running inside to wake her and take her flying like he promised when he was cut off.

She had held his hand from the moment she ran in, trying to comfort him as much as she was able until her mother pulled her away. Aemond raged when she was dragged away from his side but he was held down by Criston Cole from trying to take his Princess back, Daemon carrying the 9 year olds squirming body out and away from him.

As they all left the next morning he tried to find her, Rhaenyra glaring at him as he searched the courtyard and he knew her mother hadn’t let her come and say “goodbye”…that night was the last time he saw her for almost 9 years…

It was the worst thing Rhaenyra could have done. She had made her younger brother desperate, and desperate men do desperate things…he would have her back. No Matter What.

Aemond dreamed about nothing but his niece every single day after, determined to make her his despite the fact that her mother would never betroth her to him. He knew the only way he could make her his wife was to take her and make it the only option, Alicent would most definitely force their wedding very quickly rather than watch the only “legitimate” grandchild of her husband (other than his brother and sisters 3 children) carry a child unwed (as she was Daemons daughter “secretly” but could at least be passed off as not being Harwin Strongs).

When he finally saw her again he felt his breath stolen from his body, she was stunning, the most gorgeous creature he had ever laid eyes on. A women now, standing just shorter than Jace as she watched him in his training session with Cole. Aemond fought hard, determined to show her what he had become and he quickly ended the fight with his sword at his trainers throat.

‘Well done my Prince. You’ll be winning tourneys in no time.’

Aemond rolled his eyes at that. ‘I don’t give a shit about tourneys…nephews. Have you come to train?’ He questioned, looking over the both of them before making eye contact with Y/n who blushed heavily as he did. ‘Niece. It is a pleasure to lay eyes on you again…and you are truly a sight to behold.’ He stepped closer, shoving himself between the Strongs to take her hand in his, lifting it to his lips and looking into her lovely purple eyes. Aemond was comforted to see no fear or disgust on her face, but her beautiful blush was something he wanted to see forever. ‘You are just as gorgeous as I imagined you to be.’ He whispered, leaning close to her ear.

‘Thank you Uncle. You have become ever more handsome, a man grown. The ladies must be fighting tooth and nail for your affections.’ She teased, however before he could respond and insist that he wanted no affections but her own, her bastard brother snatched her hand from his.

‘I would thank you to keep your hands to yourself Uncle, my betrothed should not be touched by anyone but me.’ Jace spoke with a smirk on his face. Anyone with eyes knew Aemond had always been in love with Y/n and his nephew was smug to be able to take any kind of happiness away from him as he always had done.

Aemond composed himself immediately, smiling down at him kindly but Jace could see the rage in his eye, the silent threat that he was giving being clear. ‘I suppose congratulations are in order then.’ And though he said it, he gave none before smiling at Y/n who was then pulled in the opposite direction and out of the courtyard.

‘I do not want to see him touching you again, do you understand me?’ Jace demanded as they got into the castle, Y/n pulling her hand from his angrily.

‘You are not yet my husband brother, don’t you dare order me as if you are. I still have plenty of time to tell mother I would rather be betrothed to anyone but you and that Baela can be Queen by your side one day. I am not an object for you to take possession of!’ And with that she stormed off, Aemond around the corner having heard the whole thing. He knew exactly how to get his girl to be his…though he doubted it would be hard with how his nephew treated his Queen.

‘You should be kinder to your future Queen-‘

‘She is mine, whether she likes it or not. I am to be the King one day, she cannot refuse me.’ Jace joked with Luke who snorted, Aemond turning and leaving the hall. Y/n was his future wife, no matter what he had to do to make sure of it.

After the horrific meeting to attempt to give Driftmark to anyone but Luke he was sadly reestablished as heir thanks to the King and Aemond found himself in a bit of trouble with everyone at dinner after calling his nephews Strong.

All of them were sent to their chambers and he hightailed it back to her chamber, slipping in before his niece and her guard arrived, hiding behind the wardrobe in case anyone came in with her.

‘I am tired Jacaerys, all I want is a good, long sleep. Just leave me be for the night, I will not answer you if you come back! I need no protection from you!’ She snapped as the door opened.

‘If Aemond-‘

‘Aemond is not here! And now you are not here either, go to your own chambers and give me a night of peaceful sleep after all of this Bullshit!’ She slammed the door, locking it instantly and Aemond could feel his cock hardening in his breeches. Something about hearing her reject Jace was a turn on for him in a major way and he wanted to mark her neck up with as many bite marks as possible, he needed to show his nephew who his Princess truly belonged to.

‘That was impressive.’ Aemond spoke, seeing her nearly jump a foot in the air as she gasped. ‘Apologies, I didn’t mean to frighten you…I just wanted to see you. I knew your betrothed would not allow you even a moment in my presence.’ Her eyes were slit instantly as he said this.

‘Jace thinks he can control me but I will not let myself be that kind of wife! I am not an object to be owned, to be ordered around in front of his friends to make him look like a strong man or King! I do not want to be his wife or his Queen!’ She snapped and Aemond did his best to look at her softly, wanting her to see his empathy and her eyes widened as she realized what she had done. ‘I am so sorry Kepus! You did not deserve that, I am not angry at you. I am so-‘ (Uncle)

‘Breathe Byka Dārilaros…it is alright. I understand how angry he makes you feel, I hate him as well, remember?’ He teased and she chuckled before stepping forward and not hesitating to wrap her arms around his body, resting her head on his chest. (Little Princess)

‘I missed you so much Kepus…I wanted to write to you but my mother wouldn’t let me. She said it was a betrayal to Luke and that since you didn’t write to me, you clearly wouldn’t care but I-‘

‘I did write to you. I sent letters for months before I received one from my sister telling me to stop, that you did not want to hear from me but I knew that was a lie . There was not a single day that passed that I did not think about how much I missed you…’ Aemond looked down at her, his arms around her to hold her to him, hesitating only a moment as he looked into her soft eyes and pressed his lips to hers.

She surprised him a bit when she didn’t hesitate to kiss him back, her hands moving to hold his shirt tightly as he took her face into his and held her close. Y/n was his everything and he had been craving for this exact moment since he was 6 years old, wanting to kiss her since the moment they first flew together. She will be his and he will keep her close forever, determined to never let anyone touch what is his ever again-especially Jace.

‘You are so perfect…’ he mumbled against her lips before pulling away and resting his forehead on hers. ‘Do you want this? I don’t want to force you into anything you do not desire, my love…however I want you to be mine. I have craved you for so many years and I will cherish the ground you walk on if you will be mine.’ Aemond knew giving her the choice would make the difference in pushing her to do what she wanted even against her mothers wishes.

‘I love you Kepus, I always have…our mothers will never-‘

‘There is a way…My mother will insist upon it if I have already filled you with my son…’ he tried to speak softly, let her know that it is her choice to make. ‘I love you Byka Dārilaros, and I want you to be my wife more than anything. The thought of being forced to marry another turns my stomach however I will never force myself upon you. If you would marry Jace then I will love you from afar…but if you want me then I will make love to you right here and now. I will pleasure you all night long until you are so full of me there is no doubt you carry my son and then I will sleep inside of your pretty little cunt for our family to find come morning…let me love you in every way that he can’t.’ There were tears in her eyes as he finished speaking to her and he moved to wipe them away before she spoke again. Y/n reached up, taking the eyepatch covering his sapphire into her fingers before he caught her wrist awkwardly. No lady had ever seen his face and not been uncomfortable or disgusted by it which is why he always covered it whenever he wasn’t alone in his room or in the library.

‘I would look upon your face and see all that you are…while you fill me with our first child.’ He looked at her, startled for a moment before he released her hand and she pulled the eyepatch off.

‘First of many…I will fill you with as many children as you desire.’ Aemond promised before kissing her again, his hands moving to the back of her dress where he unlaced the corset and pulled it down her arms, lifting her out of the dress and moving to drop her onto the bed. She pulled off her small clothes as she watched him remove his shirt and breeches, leaving him bare and revealing his hard cock that was already leaking. ‘You are so beautiful, my love…tell me that you’re mine.’ Aemond insisted, his hand giving his member a firm stroke.

‘I’m yours Kepus, all yours forever.’ She promised as he crawled over her, kissing his jaw and down his neck sweetly. She was just so precious he couldn’t help the needy feeling in his chest demanding he take her.

‘All mine! Should any man look at you even a moment too long ever again, I will remove their eyes and feed them to the ravens.’ Aemond pushed her legs apart more so that he could settle between them, feeling her wetness on his cock for the first time and nearly cumming on the spot. He gave her a moment to relax herself upon pushing into her however she shocked him once again, moaning like a whore only a moment later prompting him to shove his hand over her mouth. ‘If someone hears you then your guard will come in here and we will be dragged apart. I would hear your lovely moans forevermore once I’ve filled your cunt but for now you must hush.’ She whined but bit her bottom lip hard to keep from making any loud noises. Aemond loved the knowledge that he could make her moan like that, in love with fucking her body already as he thrust up into her roughly. Her nails dug into his shoulders, scratching down his back painfully which sent a rush of pleasure through his belly upon him sucking hard on her throat, biting into her perfect skin quite hard and covering her mouth with a hand once again as she nearly screamed, her pussy tightening around his cock in a way he had never felt before which practically dragged his own end from his body. ‘Gods be good, I’ve never felt anything like that before…you felt good?’ It was an insecure moment of him needing that reassurance and while with anyone else he would have been instantly embarrassed, she nodded, quite dazed it seemed and he knew she didn’t judge him for a moment. ‘Your cunt is a form of blissful ecstasy I did not know was attainable. You are mine now Y/n���say it…’

‘Yours Aemond…all yours…you will be my husband as soon as next week and you will be able to have me anytime and any place you desire. I never thought it could feel like that…I love you Kepus.’ Her words touched him and in that moment Aemond knew that he would never need anyone else in this world again as long as he had Y/n and their future silver haired babies.

‘I love you too Mandianna, I always have. From this night on they will never be able to steal you from me again! You are all mine Y/n…and I will take pleasure in making sure everyone knows it.’ He made his point as he thrust his hard cock up into her once more prompting her sharp intake of breath, nails digging into his forearms before pulling him down to kiss her. (Niece)

Aemond spent the night filling his future wife with as much of his seed as his body held, biting her perfect pale skin everywhere he could reach and ensuring no one would ever be able to argue who she belonged to again. He finally had what he had always wanted, the only things left to do was put a tiara upon her head and meet their children.

The knock on the door was the thing that awakened the both of them the next morning quite early and far too soon considering how many hours Aemond had spent filling his bride…(6 hours). It was frantic and Aemond groaned, pulling Y/n closer into his chest as he was happy to ignore it before her mother shouted.

‘Y/n! You aren’t at breakfast and neither is Aemond! If he is in there with you…!’ She warned and Aemond found the half threat amusing.

‘Aemond! Are you in there?!’ His mother was the one shouting through the door now and he smiled, kissing his soon-to-be-wife’s lips before responding.

‘Good morning mother!’ He responded.

‘You Little Fuck! If you’ve hurt my daughter I swear to all of the Gods!’ Rhaenyra raged. ‘Daemon! Get This Door Open!’ She demanded.

‘He did not hurt me mother!’ Y/n stated just before the first loud hit to the door causing his girl to scream, turning to hide her face into his neck as he sat up. It took 2 more strikes before the door burst open and their mothers entered along with Daemon and Otto. Y/n was covered up to her waist while her upper body was pressed to his leaving only her back exposed.

‘Aemond! What have you done?’ Alicent asked sadly, clearly trying to think of a solution, knowing there was only one in this situation.

‘You all know that we have loved each other since we were children. Did you think that would go away just because you didn’t give her my letters sister?’ Rhaenyra’s eyes widened before she glared at him in a rage.

‘What is he talking about?’ His mother asked.

‘I didn’t want him speaking to her! She will not marry her Uncle like-‘

‘Like you did?’ Alicent deadpanned making the Princess look to her. ‘She will actually marry her Uncle, from this moment they are betrothed-‘

‘My daughter is already betrothed to-‘

‘Not anymore!’ Otto cut her off. ‘From this moment on the Princess Y/n Velaryon is to be wed to Prince Aemond Targaryen. The wedding will take place at the end of the week, we cannot have anyone knowing of these indiscretions when she begins to show as I am assuming she is likely pregnant?’ He asked Aemond who grinned.

‘Oh, most definitely. I’ve left no doubt that she carry’s my son. I was actually planning on filling her with another one before you so rudely broke the door down-‘

‘Do not push your luck Aemond!’ His Grandsire warned.

‘I should remove your head you insolent little shit.’ Daemon growled, Aemond seeing the rage in his eyes.

‘Then your grandchild would be without a father, Uncle. What purpose would that serve except ensuring your daughter hates you?’ Y/n moved her hand to pinch his side making him jump. ‘I’m sorry Byka Dārilaros.’

Aemond could see the surprise at his apology in his mother and Grandsire’s eyes. ‘Maybe this will be a good thing after all.’ Otto considered before turning to leave the room.

‘No more fooling around. Get dressed and get to breakfast. Now.’ With that his mother guided Rhaenyra and Daemon reluctantly out of the room.

‘Can your husband help you get dressed my love?’ Aemond questioned and she kissed his shoulder before biting his neck as he had done to her about 30 times the previous night, the evidence of which was very clear to see all over her chest and breasts. Aemond was proud though, because while she could hide those the 5 marks on her neck were not able to be hidden before breakfast where he was eager for Jace to see them.

They were both dressed 10 minutes later, their hair staying down until after they broke their fast for the day, Aemond leading her down the halls and enjoying the smile on his girls face as they entered the room with their family. He sat her down beside him and watched her fill her plate and eat, clearly hungry from their previous nights activities which filled him with pride at being able to satisfy his wife.

‘What is that?’ A voice demanded and everyone looked up to see Jace pointing at Y/n’s neck.

‘Jace, we will discuss this after we eat. You-‘

‘No!’ He cut his mother off, jumping up from his seat and moving to Y/n’s side in an instant, yanking her hair to the side and looking at her neck. Aemond heard her whimper in pain as he pulled her hair, holding her chin to expose her throat to him and he was instantly up from his chair with his hands on Jace.

‘That’s Enough!’ Rhaenyra shouted before Aemond punched his nephew who nearly flew backwards at the force his fist caused before he moved to grab him again, a voice calling his name through the jumble of people yelling which had his attention immediately.

‘Come eat with me Kepus, please?’ Y/n asked softly and he couldn’t deny her that as she held her hand out. Aemond moved to take it, lifting her onto his lap and sitting to eat, feeding her and feeling proud at providing her what she needs, thoroughly enjoying her feeding him as well.

It seemed that everyone was shocked at Aemond disengaging from the fight but his attention was on his soon to be wife as it should be. ‘We should go for a morning flight after breakfast…let me take you for a ride as I promised, late as the kept promise may be.’ Y/n looked up at him and he could see her surprise which he found adorable.

‘You…you want me to-to ride Vhagar?’ She questioned and he chuckled.

‘Not alone of course but yes, I had wanted to take you up with me the night I mounted her but that clearly didn’t happen. It will be fun, I promise.’ The smile on his girls face was worth everything to him. She was precious and he would keep his wife happy no matter what. If that meant that his nephews and older sister needed to be un-happy, then that was just icing on the cake for him.

He finally took her flying with him later that day, though it made her own dragon quite grumpy and forced her to take Ghost for his own flight before they could go back home. Aemond had finally kept his promise, and had ensured he got exactly what he wanted in the end.

Now all that is left for Aemond to do is figure out how to make Y/n his Queen and fulfill his dream of his wife riding him on the Iron Throne.

That one may take a bit more work, but he would ensure it, No Matter What.

Aemond T. Masterlist

[sinofwriting]

Every Kiss Begins With Tabs - Max Verstappen

Words: 1,544 Summary: Max and her have a tradition that was born from their first kiss. Note(s): The idea for this fic popped into my head one night, didn’t know what driver to do with it, and then quickly realized Max is the only option with him driving for a literal energy drink company. Also, this features Max and Charles being best friends, because your honor, I love them. (and features a bit of Ferrari bashing, because of course)

Masterlist | Support Me!

At the end of their first date, Max had watched as she shyly reached into her purse, fishing for something, before pressing a small thing into his hand and instinctively he held it. He didn’t even get a second to figure out what it was, since she kissed him as soon as it was pressed into his hand. It was small, barely a second, just a peck. But it had made him flush, staring at her with wide eyes before he murmured a quiet again.

Her bottom lip had found its way between her teeth for a second, before she nodded at his hand, the one she had pressed something into. For the kiss. He remembers her mumble, making her all the more cute to him, how she was shy yet bold in the same breath.

It had been near painful to look away from her, but he forced his eyes down as he uncurled his hand and saw a generic soda tab sitting in his palm. Her words rang in his ears and memories of watching girls in school give them to boys run through his head and he’s pressing their hands together, keeping it between their palms as he kisses her.

—

Max’s eyebrows are furrowed in concentration as he messes with the tab on his can of Red Bull. The sound of the press and his fellow drivers' voices washing over him. When it easily tears off, he pockets it, just as he’s asked a question.

“Over these last few months, you’ve been a lot happier. Many people thought it was you winning races making you so happy, but with Singapore happening, that has been disproven. Is there something other than winning that makes you so happy?” Max’s eyes darted over to his press officer, personal questions were on the no list for after races. She looks back at him with a raised eyebrow and he has to resist letting his brows press together. She clearly didn’t think this was personal and in nature he supposes it wasn’t, but it was leading. Raising the microphone to his lips, he speaks. “Well, I think I’d have a very boring, shit life if the only thing that made me happy was winning.” The reporter coughs, “Of course. But nothing new in your life?” “Not that I can think of.” There’s a frown on the reporter's face, but they don’t ask anything else, and the session is called to a close.

“I fucking hate reporters.” Max murmurs as he walks out the room. Charles snorts, hearing him and gently bumping their shoulders together. “I couldn’t tell.” “Haha. Was a good race for you today, though.” “I feel like I need a fucking bodyguard. I’ve been getting threats like crazy.” Max winces, having seen some for himself and also knowing from experience how bad they could get. “Ferrari hasn’t hired any for you?” He scoffs, “No, too much faith, I suppose.” “Stick close, come to Red Bull’s hotel with me, I’ve got an extra room and security.” “Ooh.” Charles teases, poking at his side as they exit the building. “Look at the golden boy with his security.” Max rolls his eyes, but feigns away as he reaches out again. “Are you coming or not?” He scoffs again. “Of course. I’m too pretty to be killed.” It’s Max’s turn to scoff, “You're something, alright.” he mutters.

Entering Red Bull’s garage with Charles would feel weird if it weren't for the fact that for nearly all of this season Bradley, Christian, Tom, GP, or himself had all been sneaking the Ferrari driver in. Max knows that Christian is hoping with them allowing Charles access to their garage and helping hide him away from Ferrari that he’ll join their team, and Max isn’t too proud to say that he’s started to wish that too.

“I’ve gotta get something from Christian first.” Max murmurs when Charles makes a confused hum when they don’t immediately go to his driver’s room. “Also, might want to text something to collect your stuff.” “Andrea will get it. I just need the hotel and room number so he can send some stuff over.” “Don’t want to sleep in Red Bull branded clothes?” Charles sniffs, sticking his chin in the air, perfectly making a haughty face. “Of course not. I have fashion sense.”

—

“You want room service or something delivered from somewhere?” Charles stares at him, “Mate.” Max grins at him before returning his gaze to his phone. “Had to ask. We do have Brazil next weekend after all.” “I want all the tacos in the world right now.” “Margaritas as well?” It’s silent for a second, “why not. Just one though.” Max rolls his eyes, typing out the number ten before hitting send.

“Food has been ordered.” “Thank god. I’m starving.” “Not going to offer to pay?” Max jokes, even though he’d refuse. “God no.” He scoffs before grinning at him. “Thank you, Max, honestly.” “It’s no problem.”

“When will the food get here?” Charles asks nearly thirty minutes later as Max unlocks the door. “Already here.” He tells him, opening the door up and stepping through.

Tossing his backpack to the armchair, he doesn’t see the confused look on Charles’ face or how it grows more confused when Max fishes something out of his pocket and holds it out, a grin on his face as he stands just beside the suite's sofa.

Charles nearly stumbles when a girl appears out of nowhere, words gathering on his tongue, only for them to die before they can form when she takes whatever it is out of Max’s hand and kisses him. He knows his mouth is open, jaw dropped, as he stares at the two.

“Hello.” Max murmurs, pulling away after pressing another kiss to her lips. Her head is tilted up a bit to look at him, nose scrunching a little as she smiles. “Hi. Well done on the race.” He grins and is unable to resist kissing her again before finally separating from her, only to wrap an arm around her and pull her into his side as he turns them both to face Charles. “Charles, this is Y/N, my girlfriend.” The other driver blinks at them for a few seconds before smiling. “Hello. It’s lovely to meet you.” He tells her, stepping forward to greet her with a hug, giving Max a thumbs up when she easily goes along with it. Max snorts at the thumbs up.

“Congrats on your race as well, Charles. Always nice to see you on the podium.” “Oh.” He can feel his cheeks turn a little pink at the compliment. “Well, it is always nice to be there, even if he is always taking the top spot.” She laughs and then she’s ushering them both to sit down at the small table nearly overflowing with food. “Oh my god.” Charles breaths, staring at it all. “It’s beautiful.” “I think you're just hungry, mate.” Max remarks and Charles notices how she passes whatever Max handed her before they kissed back to the driver before giving him a peck on the lips. “Of course, I’m hungry.” His eyes wander over all the food, all the tacos, and he knows that Andrea will be pissed at their next session when Charles tells him what he ate, but he knows he won’t regret it. Even when Andrea makes the session a triple.

“Can I ask a question?” Charles asks, after they are done eating. The twelve tacos he ate and two margaritas he had in combination with pleasant company made him feel content. “Is it a stupid one?” “Max.” She playfully scolds, but there’s a mischievous glint in her eyes. “Of course.” “What is with the thing? The small thing you pass back and forth.” “Oh,” her eyes are a little wide and she seems to have stiffened and it has Charles' eyes widened. “You do not have to answer. I was just curious. You can of course tell me to shut up.” “No, it’s okay.” She shares a look with Max. “It’s just a habit, I don’t even really think about it anymore.”

Charles watches as she carefully extends her hand and opens it so he can stare at the thing the couple has been exchanging. His eyebrows furrow when he sees it’s a tab to a Red Bull can.

“Before I kissed Max for the first time, I gave him a tab from a soda can. It’s become a tradition of sorts.” His face softens at the explanation, and this whole weekend he has missed Alex, but now more than ever he wishes that she was able to come with him. “That is very sweet.” His lips then curl into a smirk and he looks at Max. “Must make sex uncomfortable though.” “You mother,” Max cuts himself off as he hits Charles with a pillow, his fellow driver howling with laughter. Hitting him with a pillow again, Max looks at her to see her laughing as well, face bright with joy and his hand is ducking into his pocket pulling out a spare tab he always keeps on him, pressing it into her hand before kissing her, ignoring the fake sounds of throwing up from Charles as he does.

@gemofthenight @peachiicherries @lpab @topguncultleader @iloveyou3000morgan @boiohboii @bibliosaurous @skepvids @elliegrey2803 @cixrosie @darleneslane @fanboyluvr @teti-menchon0604 @eugene-emt-roe @quackquackhun @rewmuslupin @copper-boom @stopeatread @crashingwavesofeuphoria @jointhehunt67

[wandamaximoffsbadgirl]

Let's Talk About That

I saw the end when we began (1)

Psychiatrist!Avenger!Fem!Reader × Wanda Maximoff

Summary: You are the young psychiatrist for the Avengers, and you take your job very seriously, but what happens when Wanda joins the team, turning your life upside down?

Word count: 1.7k

Warnings: legal age gap r is 19 w is 25, talks of death and grief, a bit of angst, therapy sessions

A/N: I had this idea for a while and wrote it a while ago, but spruced it up for publishing. I hope you enjoy it!

May 7th-10th 2015

The only sounds to be heard were the scratches of your pen against paper as you wrote down notes the old fashioned way and the hum of the AC unit installed in your office. Tony let you have a nice corner of the tower where there was sunlight and windows. You had gone with a soft gray for the walls, an L-shaped mahogany desk that had both a desktop computer and your laptop. Across from your desk was two couches and a coffee table between them with an assortment of fidget toys, a succulent, a handful of magazines, and a box of tissues. 

Everyone had been away on an important mission and normally you’d go with, but you'd been recovering from a previous injury, you still are when you hear a knock on your door, 

"Open." You let them know and just from their aura you can tell it's Tasha, but she's with someone else, an aura you don't recognize. You look up to find a girl with chestnut colored hair, and a dark aura around her. "Hey Tash. I'm glad you're all home safe. I'm assuming we'll restart our sessions?" You ask the red head. 

"Yes. We can resume them. Tomorrow. Today I need you to have a talk with this one." Tasha helps her into the room and gestures for her to sit down, Tasha walks over and hands you a large file. "She came from HYDRA, they had a lot of info on her, she had joined us in the fight against Ultron." Tasha tells you before lowering her voice, "She lost her twin brother during the battle. So maybe you can get her to talk." You smile at Tasha and then look past the red head. 

"Yeah of course we shouldn't have any issues Tash. Leave it to me." You tell her as I adjust your glasses, quickly looking over her file as Tasha exits, closing the door behind her, "Wanda Maximoff, 25, born in Sokovia." You say out loud as you walk around your desk to the other couch across from where she's sitting criss-cross. You take notice she's taken her shoes off and smile, taking note of the fact that she’s comfortable enough to do something like that. "I'm Dr. Y/N Y/L/N. I'm 19. I'm also an Avenger. I have a power that allows me to see auras and emotions. I can also influence people's emotions and use my voice to influence others around me." You tell her a little about yourself first to help make her comfortable with talking about herself.

"You're 19? How are you a doctor?" She finally talks and you can hear her thick Sokovian accent which is like music to your ears. 

"I'm very smart. Graduated high school at 12 finished my Doctorate last year for psychiatry and Tony took me in as the Avengers Psychiatrist shortly after that. Everyone here needs a little bit of help and that is what I'm here to provide for you." You smile at her as you open a fresh notebook for her, choosing a red covered one noticing that she was wearing Tasha’s red leather jacket. "So tell me a little about yourself. Anything you want." You ask as you jot down her basic info on the first page. 

"I love American sitcoms." she tells you first. You smile and look at her over your glasses. 

"Why is that?" You ask as you jot down her words. 

"We used to watch them as a family every night so we could learn English." She tells you making a smile appear on your face. 

"When you say we who does that entail?" You question the Sokovian wanting to get to the root of her problems. 

"My Mama, Papa, and Pietro..." She tells you solemnly. 

"Who is Pietro?" You inquire, looking up from your notebook. 

"He is...was...my twin brother." You jot down everything she says during your session and she does open up a little bit with some persuasion on your part, but that isn't unusual for your sessions. 

"Well Wanda thank you for opening up to me. Your aura is looking a little warmer from when you first walked in. How about you come back in three days for another session?" You tilt your head as you grab a little card for her. 

"Why three days?" She asks nervously, tugging at her sleeves attempting to cover her hands, but the jacket doesn't budge. She starts picking at her nails as an alternative, chipping the black nail polish further. 

"I like to have frequent sessions the first month. Then we'll have them weekly just like the others." You let her know and she nods her head as you write the date and time for her to show up on the card for three days from now. Standing up with her, "I offer a high fives, hand shakes, fist bumps, or a hug at the end of sessions. Which would you like?" You ask and she's thrown off a bit by the statement at first but then answers. 

"Hug. I could use a hug right now." You open up your arms and let her come to you. She ends up crying in your arms as you sooth her, letting her know it is okay to cry. 

"I'll always be here for you Wanda. I'm always on your side." You whisper to her and she holds you tighter at the words.

You sat back down at your desk after Wanda left, feeling a mix of emotions swirling within you. Empathy for Wanda's pain, determination to help her heal, and a lingering sense of dread about what HYDRA had done to her. But you pushed those feelings aside, focusing on the task at hand.

As the Avengers' psychiatrist, it was your responsibility to help your teammates navigate the mental and emotional toll of their work. Sometimes that meant delving into painful memories or difficult emotions, but it was a role you took on willingly. After all, you had your own share of struggles, and if you could use your powers to help others, then it was worth it.

You glanced at the clock and realized it was almost time for lunch. You decided to take a break and head to the common area, where you found Tony tinkering with one of his suits.

"Hey, Y/N," he greeted you with a grin. "How's it going?"

"Good," you replied, sinking into a nearby chair. "Just had a session with Wanda. She's been through a lot."

Tony nodded solemnly. "Yeah, losing her brother and all that HYDRA stuff... it's rough."

You sighed, running a hand through your Y/H/C hair. "Yeah, but she's strong. I think she'll come through it."

Tony gave you a reassuring smile before returning to his work, and you took a moment to appreciate the camaraderie of the team. Despite your differences and the challenges you guys faced, you were a family, bound together by our shared experiences and our commitment to protecting the world.

After a quick lunch, you headed back to your office to prepare for your next session. As you reviewed your notes from Wanda's session, you couldn't shake the feeling that there was something more to her story, something hidden beneath the surface. But for now, all you could do was continue to offer her support and hope that she would find the strength to confront her demons and emerge stronger on the other side.

With that thought in mind, you square your shoulders and prepare to face whatever challenges lay ahead. As an Avenger, a psychiatrist, and a friend, you were ready to do whatever it took to help your teammates and protect the world from whatever threats may come our way.

≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈

Three days passed in a blur of meetings, training sessions, and the occasional emergency mission. But today, you were back in your office, eagerly awaiting Wanda's return for your second session. As you sat at your desk, reviewing your notes from your previous meeting, you couldn't help but feel a surge of empathy for her. Losing a loved one in battle was something you could relate to all too well.

Before you could dwell too much on your own past, there was a soft knock on your door, and Wanda stepped into the room. Her aura seemed a bit brighter today, though still tinged with sadness. "Hey, Wanda," you greeted her with a warm smile, motioning for her to take a seat. "How are you feeling today?"

Wanda hesitated for a moment before answering, "Better, I think. Thank you for... everything last time."

You nodded, understandingly. "Of course. It's what I'm here for." You gestured toward the notebook on the table. "Shall we pick up where we left off?"

For the next hour, the two of you delved deeper into Wanda's past, her memories of Sokovia, her time with HYDRA, and her experiences with her brother, Pietro. With each word she spoke, you could feel her emotions swirling around you, and you did your best to guide her through them, offering comfort and support where you could.

As your session came to a close, Wanda seemed visibly lighter, a hint of a smile playing at the corners of her lips. "Thank you, Y/N," she said softly, wiping away a stray tear. "I didn't realize how much I needed this."

You smiled back, feeling a sense of fulfillment wash over you. "Anytime, Wanda. Remember, I'm always here for you."

Before she left, Wanda surprises you by reaching out and giving you a tight hug. "Thank you," she repeated, her voice thick with emotion.

As you watched her leave your office, you couldn't help but feel grateful for the opportunity to help someone in need, to make a difference in their life, even if it was just one session at a time. And as you glanced down at the Power Stone embedded in your chest, you couldn't help but wonder if perhaps this was the true source of your ability to connect with others on such a deep level. But for now, all that mattered was that you were making a difference, one session at a time.

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

I get that Helluva Boss and Hazbin don't and aren't planned to have much overlap, and for the most part I appreciate that separation and the way that it makes the world seem that bit larger.

The one exception being this: I am convinced that Angel Dust and Fizzarolli are at least acquaintances, and quite possibly friends.

No, listen, hear me out.

Angel supposedly died in the forties. We don't know exactly when he was picked up by Valentino, but I think it's fair to assume he's been working in Hell's sex work/stripping/porn scene for at least a few decades before he joins the Hotel.

Fizz's backstory is obviously more detailed. We know that he was either born in the Pride Ring or came there at a very young age, because he was already working there as a circus performer when he was a kid.

By the time Helluva Boss starts, however, he's obviously moved on to operating primarily in the Greed and Lust rings, as Mammon's star performer and Asmodeus's boyfriend platonic PA who he occasionally has totally unemotional bang-sessions with.

In between these two points is the accident, which seems to have happened when Fizz was in his late teens. The last time he saw Blitz before that night in Ozzies.

So, here's where the only concrete canon 'evidence' for my theory kicks in: in Oops, Blitz claims that he and Fizz have “been in each other's relative vicinity twice in the last fifteen years” (referring to Ozzies and just now when they bumped into each other in Greed).

However in The-Mammon-Episode-With-Too-Long-A-Title, everyone can't stop talking about how Fizz has consistently won Mammon's clown pageant every time he's entered. For the past ten years.

That gives us five whole years of Fizz's life that are completely unaccounted for. We know that he started this period off in the Pride Ring with his circus destroyed and a brand-new permanent disability to get used to, and ended it in Greed working for Mammon, but we have no idea what happened in between.

So, here is where evidence ends and rampant speculation begins.

As a former child performer, Fizz is unlikely to have had much experience doing anything else. In fact, given that they were travelling with the circus, it seems unlikely that him and Blitz would even have ended up with a steady education.

Blitz obviously managed to found his own business after the accident, but Blitz had been dreaming of doing just that since he was a young child, and it was his Dad who was actually handling the business-side of the circus, so I don't think he's a fair comparison. Fizz probably spent his early years assuming he'd just keep performing forever, and so it makes sense that he'd go back to that.

On the other hand, Fizz had just lost all his limbs, and would have been having to adjust to his prosthetics. (Most likely lower quality prosthetics that he ended up with later, since those seem to be a gift from Ozzie.)

His clown act was mostly physical. Acrobatics require a sense of balance and spatial awareness. Balloon animals and juggling require fine motor control. Literally replacing all four of your limbs— even with magical Hell-prosthetics— is going to cause issues with all these skills, at least temporarily.

So. What industry in the Pride Ring is related to entertainment, but doesn't necessarily require any complex acrobatics, and would most likely welcome a fresh amputee with severe facial scarring? (For fetish reasons, if nothing else?)

I'm not saying Fizz would have done sex work, since he seems so uncomfortable with the idea, but stripping? Maybe doing some soft core porn? I could see that. He's clearly not too fussed about adult entertainment in general, because he's totally okay performing at Ozzies.

He's also probably insanely handsome by imp standards. Like, dude ends up becoming a major sex symbol throughout the rings and has the embodiment of Lust falling madly in love with him. (Plus, as a kid and teenager, he got more attention as a performer than Blitz— the guy who briefly dated a succubus pop-star and now has an ars-goetia prince begging him for a pity-fuck at every opportunity.)

So, given all that, and given his future success, it makes sense that he'd have been popular. Which immediately puts him in range of one of the Pride ring's other hugely popular adult performers: Angel Dust.

And I could see these two getting along. Since Angel is more of a sex worker whereas Fizz is more of a performer, and since Angel would probably be mainly catering to sinner demons and Fizz to hellborn (though no doubt there'd be some overlap), chances are they wouldn't be in direct competition with each other.

They have similar senses of humour and similar personalities. They both like small, cute animals. They both genuinely care about the quality of their performances, even in circumstances where they might not be expected to. They both have a tendency to mask their emotions with sex-related jokes.

Plus there's the fucking angst potential of Angel befriending Fizz when he was an independent performer, and then watching— helplessly— as his friend starts talking about this new job offer with Mammon.

Like people have already made posts about how Angel might feel watching Fizz's performance in Two Minutes Notice and comparing it to his own situation with Valentino, but fuck imagine it from the other end of Angel watching his friend fall into that situation.

Trying to talk him out of it during the initial love-bombing phase and getting told he's just jealous. Not even being able to visit Fizz when it all goes wrong because sinners aren't allowed to leave the Pride Ring.

Also, as a secondary detail, imagine Angel Dust finding out that his new friend's life-changing injuries were caused by Blitz, seemingly a pretty well-known figure in the Pride Ring.

Imagine Blitz finding out that Hell's most famous porn actor has genuine beef with him and having absolutely no idea why.

(Millie, Moxxie and Loona— based on the Verosika thing— all assume it was a bad breakup, despite Blitz insisting otherwise.)

[jadeylovesmarvelxo]

Trick or Treat 🎃

Hello lovely, first can I just say I adore your writing and was wondering if I could request a Halloween one for Eddie?

You and Eddie take your twins out trick or treating for the first time. Maybe a family Halloween costume too?

Request by anon ♥️

Don't copy, repost, translate or reuse my work.

Fluffy family based fic ♥️

♥️

Meeting and marrying you was the best thing that had ever happened to Eddie and life got even better when you fell pregnant with twins, two adorable little girls.

Eddie loved being a daddy, loved his little family and doted on his three girls. It was safe to say you, Alice and Evie had Eddie wrapped around your little fingers.

Not that he minded one bit even if it was a source of good natured teasing from the Hellfire boys, who he still met up with once a week for a D&D session.

Eddie was an amazing father, at first he was nervous when you announced you were pregnant. Of course he was happy but he hadn't been brought up in the most stable household. Uncle Wayne was the only parental figure he had who was always there for him.

Despite his worries he eased into the role and doted on his girls, was very protective and the most amazing storyteller.

His stories were the highlight of for you and the girls, he told them nightly and he regularly acted them out with you. Alice and Evie hung on his every word.

He would read to them as well or join you when you were reading to the girls but he grew bored and embellished or told his own stories instead.

The twins were Eddie in miniature, all big brown eyes, dimples and curly brown hair. Like their father they also had a penchant for mischief and we're honorary Hellfire members as soon as they were born.

Eddie delighted in making them tiny Hellfire shirts.

Halloween was tonight and it was the first time you all were going trick or treating.

Eddie was a little emotional that his baby girls were growing up and you instantly comforted him, both of you wondering how time had flown by so quickly.

How were your girls already three years old? You couldn't believe it and didn't want to miss any moment of them growing up as it went so quick.

It was Eddie's idea to do a family costume. The girls were obsessed with Scooby Doo and Alice was determined to dress up in the Scooby Doo outfit she had seen at the store.

"Princess, we could go as Mystery inc. What do you think?" you nod excited by this.

"Alice and Evie would love it. Evie loves Velma and they have the cutest outfits at the mall.

"You wanna be the Daphne to my Fred? Eddie beams and wraps his arms around you, kissing you tenderly.

"Always but I think for this occasion you're definely Shaggy. The girls love your impression of him" he beams proudly loving making Alice and Evie laugh with his Shaggy voice.

"I'll rope Steve into playing Fred and we can meet up with him later in the night. He owes us for babysitting the six gremlins" you giggle and swat him playfully.

"Eddie, for the last time you can't call them Gremlins" he pouts and you hide your smile privaty agreeing with his assessment. You adored Steve's kids but they were a handful.

Now that it was Halloween you had been having a lovely day with the girls baking cookies and watching Scooby Doo and Winnie the Pooh all day.

Then it was time to dress up in your outfits and get ready for trick or treating. The girls looked so adorable in their costumes and are anxious to get out and enjoy the night.

"Daddy will we go to see Uncle Dustin, Uncle Steve and Aunty Robin?" Alice asks and Eddie nods as he helps her and Evie into their coats.

"Of course princess. Now come on spooky adventures await"

♥️

The four of you set out on Halloween night excited for what was to come. Alice and Evie are already hyper and hold their pumpkin baskets giggling and pointing to the different Halloween decorations on your street.

"Daddy look at the bats" Alice points them out to him and Eddie plays up his excitement but you see the slight fear in his eyes.

Even years after surviving the demobat attack, the upside down and the horrors of the past long gone and life peaceful there was still those rare times that Eddie wakes in a sweat and panicking.

That night was the worst of your life. You really thought you had lost Eddie and the grief was overwhelming. Thankfully, he oues through but it still haunted you at times.

Squeezing his hand you distract the twins and point to a witch on the roof of one of your neighbours house, she's on a broomstick, black cat in tow.

"Can we get a black cat mama?" Evie asks her big brown eyes pleading and you look to Eddie who's already melting at her puppy eyes.

He could never resist any of your puppy eyes or pouts and always gave in.

"Maybe Santa might bring you and Alice a kitty for Christmas?" you tease and the girls cheer at this.

The four of you go door to door and your neighbours are lovely, it's not long before the girls have full baskets of candy and their eyes light up as they show you and Eddie the sweets.

Eventually you end go to Steve's, the kids all play together before you all settle down to watch a cute and only slightly spooky film.

The kids eat a little of their candy as you and Eddie relax while talking to the gang.

🎃

Eventually the night winds down and you, Eddie and the girls head home.

Both of them are exhausted and Eddie carries both of them to bed while you get their pj's ready and have them all tucked up on bed.

"What about a story?" Evie mumbles sleepily and Eddie softens.

"Not tonight baby but I promise an epic story tomorrow" she nods letting out a little yawn and then she's fast asleep like Alice.

You cuddle into Eddie and he kisses your forehead.

"Uh sweetheart, I'm not very tired are you?" he raises his eyebrows and you grin catching on to what he's hinting at.

"Not a bit, why don't we go have a little Halloween party of our own?" quietly you lead him out of the twins room and to your bedroom stifling a giggle as Eddie kisses your neck.

🎃♥️

[succumbtothenightmare]

Soldiers-three

credit to whoever made the gif, found on google/pinterest.

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Reader.

Warnings: angst, language, fluff, violence, smut.

Summary: Reader has spent the last seventy years in hell as a prisoner soldier; Hydra's greatest weapon. Well, second greatest weapon after The Winter Soldier. The only thing that got her through that hell was him, even if she was the one behind his biggest pain.

Authors Note: I think what I'm going to like most about writing this story is that I can write Bucky/Soldat a certain way that I like and how I imagine he would be if he had someone there with him during the most horrendous time of his life. Tags are open!

Tags(open): @elizacusi-blog @pattiemac1 @yvessaintmuerte @mdpplgtz03 @mayjaysthots @broadwaybabe18 @sebsgirl71479 @yourfavunsub @themorningsunshine @nikwld

The busy night life of the small town was shining behind the curtains from the motel room where James and I were currently held up in. 

No, not James. 

Soldat. 

All this time later, I still had to correct myself on his name. Zola didn’t want James to remember any part of his past, afraid that it would confuse his weapon. 

I couldn’t stop the way my eyes rolled into the back of my head when he said that. He never saw James or I as people, simply a way to scare their enemies. Which was why we were here in this run down town in Russia to take care of one of Zola’s problems. Soldat and I did what we were told, us returning back to the motel a bit ago. 

I was positioned at the window, peaking through the curtain to make sure that no one had followed us back, while the large body sat at the edge of the bed behind me. 

“Voin.” 

The richness of his voice set my skin a blaze as I slowly turned towards him. I wished that I was able to tell him what my name was but knew that we both were ordered to only call each other by our soldier names. 

His eyes were so dark, glossed over while the strands of his hair fell into them. His hair had grown so much in the last few months along with his strength. Zola’s men worked tirelessly the last six months with Soldat, training and modeling him into the perfect prize. I was never allowed to sit in on these sessions, only being brought in to erase his memories if needed.

What started off as every day slowly became once a week until now, six months later, that I only needed to erase his memory when I thought he was remembering too much. The pain that erupted from his throat when my static shocked his brain had burned deep into my bones so I was thankful that it had been a while since I needed to do that. 

“Voin, are you alright?” 

Soldat’s voice brought me back and I gave him a small nod, still remaining in place. This was our first mission together and with what happened earlier, I knew that his mind had to be racing, his erratic heartbeat pounding loudly in my ears. 

“I’ll be fine,” I reassured him. “I’ve had worse things happen to me.” 

We were in a local mob’s laboratory looking for some kind of vial that Zola needed to perfect his serum, so if we ran into this scientist, we needed to kill him then steal whatever was in his safe. Everything went smoothly, the scientist going down without a hitch thanks to my powers while Soldat was taking care of the guards. One of them, however, slipped away and attacked me from behind. The image of me staring down the barrel of a gun was burned into my brain and I thought for half a second that I was about to die. Until Soldat snuck up behind him, snapping his neck in half. 

There was a look in his eyes that I had never seen before as he looked at the dead body that laid at his feet. The bright blue eyes of his were dark with hatred and it took a soft hand on his chest to bring him back to me, the darkness vanished in an instant. 

“I shouldn’t have let him get that close to you,” Soldat looked down at his hands, the metal fingers gripping tightly at his flesh.

My heart sank knowing that he thought it was normal, that he was born with it. He had no idea that he was forced to have it. 

I sighed while kneeling in front of him, still in my tact suit, and did my best to look into his eyes. There was no light behind them, almost as if he had no soul. 

With what he had been through, I couldn’t blame him.  

“It’s alright, Soldat. You were there. It all worked out,” I said. 

I gently brushed the hair out of his face, not wanting to scare him from my touch but he didn’t move, not even a flinch. 

Over the last six months, we had grown close, spending a lot of our free time together when we weren’t running our own solo missions. Soldat wouldn’t show his emotions at all, even around me, but he didn’t need to. His silent cues were enough. 

The soft brush of his hand as we walked past each other in the long halls of the compound, my name falling from his lips while he slept in the room next to me, and when his eyes would be looking for me in the training room. 

I wished that I was able to get to know James Barnes, not Soldat. So I took it upon myself to sneak into Zola’s office to retrieve his folder, staying up late one night reading everything I needed to know about him. 

He grew up in Brooklyn with Steve Rogers, Captain America himself.  Soldat used to be a sergeant in the army, him and Steve being in the Howling Commandos. I remember them because they were taking out all of the Hydra bases during the war and succeeded when Steve flew the plane he and Johann were on straight into the ice. 

I thought I would have been upset when I found out about Johann’s death because of everything he had done for me but that was the exact reason why I felt relieved at his death. Yes, he did give me a place to stay when I needed it most but it was his idea that made me the way I am, this soldier, so I felt no ounce of hurt because of his death. 

What hurt me the most was that according to Soldat’s paperwork, he was killed in action when he fell from the train, the day Steve captured Zola. But Hydra knew what everyone else didn’t. The serum that was pumping in Soldat’s bloodstream is what kept him alive, surviving the fall. 

All of this happened only a few months ago and I did everything I could not to tell him about Steve or the fact that Soldat had a life outside of Hydra. 

“Voin.” 

I looked into his eyes and hummed; the sudden proximity made my heart flutter. His metal fingers tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and I closed my eyes at the touch. 

“I don’t know what I would have done if you got hurt,” he admitted with a hushed tone. 

“Soldat,” I cupped his cheek. “You need to stop dwelling on it, everything worked out the way it was supposed to. Please.” 

He reluctantly nodded but I didn’t remove my hand from his face, loving how the warmth radiated off of him even in this cold state. There had been this sexual tension between us for a while now and as much as I wanted to feel him I knew that he had to be the one to make the first move. Soldat had so many things done to him that he had no control or choice, the last thing I wanted was to make him more uncomfortable. 

But a little nudge wouldn’t hurt, right?

“Thank you for saving me,” I breathed over his lips. 

Soldat swallowed thickly as I laid a kiss upon his cheek and our eyes bore deep into each other for a few beats, our breaths getting caught in our throats. Lust clouded around us in a black form and I felt the magnetic pull from his lips drag me in with the want to know what he tasted like. 

“Voin.” 

The brokenness in his voice made me stumble on my knees a bit and realized that he had tears welling in the corners of his eyes. 

“Why can’t I remember anything?” His bottom lip trembled. 

“Oh, Soldat,” I sighed while spreading his legs apart, kneeling between them. 

I was ready to tell him everything, let him know about who he was before this, but both of our bodies stiffened when our ears perked up due to the loud footsteps running down the hallway. 

The door to our room busted open with a loud kick but both Soldat and I were quick to our feet, staring down the intruder that had kicked the door down. It was one of the men from the lab we raided and by the bewildered look in his eyes, he was here for revenge. 

“Where is it?” He demanded; gun clenched tightly in his hand. 

Soldat stepped forehead while flipping his knife between his fingers but my hand on his chest stopped him. 

I looked back to the man with my head tilted. “You’ve got a lot of balls showing up here.” 

He ignored me by cocking the gun. “I’m going to ask one more time. Where is it?” 

“Where’s what?” I shrugged. 

The bullet nearly missed me by a few millimeters and I stared at where it met the wall with fire in my eyes before the electricity sparked at my fingertips. I sliced the man in half with my gaze, anger radiating the sparks. 

“I’m going to assume that was an accident,” I seethed. 

Soldat gripped the knife tighter in his hands, still waiting for my cue. 

“I’m not afraid of the two of you; Zola’s monsters!” The man yelled. 

However, I saw the way his hand shook while holding the gun towards us and knew that he was lying. 

“Alright, I’m finished with this conversation,” I groaned before nodding towards Soldat. 

He wasted no time in throwing the knife towards the man, hitting directly into his heart. Just for added measure, I extended my fingers at him, the electric shocks shooting towards him and evaporating him to dust. 

“If he found where we are, it’s only a matter of time till someone else comes,” Soldat said. 

I nodded with a sigh and gave his flesh hand a squeeze. “Pull the bike around while I pack our things?” 

He agreed with a kiss to the back of my hand and my heart fluttered with the mundane action, not stopping to think what would happen to us when we got back to the compound. 

[aeoni-sw]

Cassius fun facts!! Reread part 1 if needed lol

Cassius has a star sticker at the bottom of his microphone!

↓

It's his lucky microphone that he always uses during his performances. Yes, I've said this in the other Cassius yapping session but shh! It's a nice symbol to mention!

Similar to Sean's way of gifting flowers to gain "kindness," Cassius gifts shows instead! It's mainly near Sean's shop to help him as well. (attracting more people = more ghosts to give flowers to!)

Other times Cassius goes to abandoned theaters late at night for the sake of the atmosphere. (Then again, the theater reminds him of the incident.)

He's the weird uncle in the Underworld Office famjam, I'm calling it!

His voice claim is probably... hm... Well I searched a bit and decided that David from the show Camp Camp fits what I imagine, thoouugh I would appreciate other suggestions! Especially singing claim ones..!

If I do make an askblog of him, then he'd probably have not much of an idea on how social media works (then again I don't really know what year he's born into so...). If he's near the office, he'll probably try asking River or Eugene for help!

Not-so-fun facts..!

He doesn't like visiting his grave. It mainly consists of wilting flowers on top of it. Reminds him that he's merely a brief sensation to the people before they'd move on.

He doesn't like hugs. More on that later. *glares at the cut...*

TW: Death, knife, mildly descriptive assault(?), body dysmorphia(?)

He was killed by an obsessive fan; stabbed where his torso seems to curve in and corrupted with darkness. ↓

He also almost skinned (but failed, since they got caught).

╰→ Cassius has slight body dysmorphia due to this and usually covers it with his coat (unless he feels like he's safe).

Basically how it happened was:

Cassius was doing a fan meet-and-greet when some fan (let's call them O!Fan) approached him and asked for a private talk. Before he could refuse, they held up a VIP ticket. Defeated, Cassius hesitantly followed, reassuring the guards that they'll only take a minute. O!Fan leads him to the back, talking to him about how they need his help with a fundraiser and for him to go as well. Cassius agrees, since it's for a good cause. O!Fan hugs him.

A sharp pain strikes through his lower body, blood quickly spreading through his shirt as the knife is pulled out. Cassius gasps for air, about to cry for help, though quickly silenced. He struggles, kicking and writhing from their grip. O!Fan tears the lower part of his shirt, keeping him still as they began to practically carve into his skin. He screams again, letting out choked sobs.

Help arrived a minute later, guards quickly restraining O!Fan and loading a barely-alive Cassius into a stretcher.

His last words were along the lines of, "Surely people will remember me when I'm gone... surely?"

Cassius died around his mid-20s, December 1st. (Undecided year-of-date bc I suck at history!)

—

Goodness me! Er, well, anyways, my friend helped me with deciding his way of death (thank you Fifi <3)!

[themissingnumbers]

Hello again fellas :) It's about that time again. Just a heads up, I don't think this is going to be super long like all of my other yap sessions. This is just me rambling about that one riddle that Carrion made. (And dang are they good at what they do-)

So, imma just be upfront and say it—I'm bad at riddles and I'm stumped. I've been thinking about it, trying to pick it apart little by little whenever I've had some quiet/free time and I've got nothing. WELL- actually saying I have nothing would be a lie. I don't have anything concrete, but I do have a feeling. It makes me feel a feeling that I can't really put into words. Like, I THINK that I get what it's trying to say, but I'm not sure. It's the mental equivalent of having really bad eyesight and squinting to read a sign across the street, thinking you know what it says but not being sure because it's too blurry. (If that makes any sense at all-)

However! I can tell you guys about the vibes I get from it and what I've got so far! (I'm probably reading this riddle all wrong, but here goes-)

Now, it's probably just my brain being weird, but I get like... Religious vibes from this stuff. Like- Murder(Slaughtered), Betrayal(Poisoned), and Sanctification(Enshrined) are all things that happened in the Bible I think. I also kinda get Book of the Dead vibes from it a little bit. Okay, lemme explain this.

For that "Remember the thirds, all that went wrong" part of it just really made me think of the Egyptian Soul. Now, I'm not the most experienced or well-versed in this subject, but I will try my best to explain it in a way that makes sense. The Egyptian Soul is made up of three parts: the Ka (the life force/essence separated from the body at death), the Ba (the personality of the departed), and the Akh (the Immortal Spirit, reserved only for the few that were deserving of Maat Kheru). Maa/Maat Kheru is a phrase meaning "True of voice" or "Justified." It is involved in ancient Egyptian afterlife beliefs, according to which the souls of the dead had to be judged morally righteous. Once the soul had passed the test, the Weighing of the Heart (which was deeply rooted in the Egyptian belief in immortality), they were judged to be Maat Kheru and were allowed into the afterlife. The phrase Maat Kheru was often used to denote a person who had died and become a god, and the Akh being the "transfigured spirit that survived death and mingled with gods." (God, I hope that all makes sense-) As for what went wrong: what didn't? Everything has gone bad for this man. He's been out of control since the moment he was born. He's not living—just alive. (On top of that, I'm pretty sure Arceus messed with this man's soul so, that too I guess-)

Anywho, uhhhh... this got long. Whoops- This entire thing could very much be me being too focused on the fact that at one point in the last Starry said that Fire could be seen as a Jesus Figure and be the source of heavy-handed metaphors, but I digress. Those are my thoughts for now. Hopefully, there's something good in there.

(Okay, I don't like to do this, but am I allowed to ask for a hint? Like, I'm usually against anything my brain considers a "freebie" but I am well and truly stuck on this. Hints have been allowed for other mysteries, but you didn't say if I could get hints for this one, so I just figured I'd ask. Alright, that's all. Have a good day/night y'all! :])

Referring to This Riddle

{Since it's my riddle, I don't mind clearing things up a little.}

{While I'm certainly a fan of the esoteric, I think you've gotten a little too narrow in trying to unravel it ^^}

{It's not a riddle with a specific answer, but rather serves as a sort of clue in the larger picture of things. I think to unwrap it properly, you just need to step back- Fire might be the focal point of the image, but as you pointed out in your previous analysis, there are others there too- both people, and objects.}

{All that to be said, your hint.} {The riddle is for the victims, not their executioner.}

[thommi-tomate]

Interview with Wout Weghorst pt 2

By: TSG Hoffenheim

You played for the Netherlands at the World Cup last year. Was that perhaps the biggest dream that has come true for you?

That was the absolute highlight, yes. It was crazy. In particular the quarter-final against Argentina, even though we lost on a penalty shootout. I wasn't even aware of a lot of it, it was only when I saw the pictures that I realised what had happened. I came on when we were 2-0 down, but everything worked out for me. It was like a frenzy

You mentioned the game against Argentina: you scored two goals and also scored in the penalty shootout, but you were still eliminated. Do you still look back on that game with pride or is disappointment the prevailing feeling?

I've learned to appreciate moments like that. But of course you still think about it. If we had won, the semi-final would have been against Croatia; we would've had a chance there too. The question mark remains about what would have been possible for us if we had survived the penalty shoot-out. But in the end, pride prevailed. When I went to bed afterwards, I knew immediately that this was a very special game for me. I couldn't sleep for two or three nights

But the game is also always associated with your conflict with Lionel Messi. Do you think that's a shame?

No. I was just the way I am. And I don't care whom I'm facing on the pitch. I came on, quickly scored to make it 2-1 and then deliberately sought contact with Messi in a challenge. I wanted to apologise and lift him up, but he didn't take my hand. Then it got out of hand. But it's no longer an issue for me. I see it as a compliment that such a great player was upset with me, I earned that on the pitch through my performance. But I've always been respectful. I don't know what I should have done differently

Messi called you "bobo" in an interview, which can be translated as idiot or fool. Did that hurt you?

Absolutely not. When I joined Manchester United, I met Lisandro Martinez, who also won the World Cup with Argentina. In the first training session I noticed straightaway that there was still a certain level of tension; then I called him "bobo" once and the ice was broken. From then onwards, the boys in Manchester always called me "bobo" and then it became a big thing. (laughs)

Are you someone who sometimes causes trouble?

That's hard for me to judge. I'm just me. I am extreme in everything I do. Not only as a footballer; I do everything with pure passion and try to do my best. You do learn of course and as you get older, you also become a bit calmer. But all in all, I don't worry too much. That's not always beneficial either, but I've never done anything to please anyone. Everything I do, I do out of full conviction. Whether it's on the pitch or at home with my family

You have three daughters, so you're at home with four women. Is that sometimes demanding?

I don't feel under any strain at all, it's super. I had a lot of dreams as far as football is concerned, whether it was the Premier League or the World Cup. For my private life, I always had one dream: lots of children, preferably four girls. Now there are three, let's see if there can be one more. (laughs)

Has starting a family changed you?

I became a father for the first time when I was 25; that really changed a lot. You see a lot of things from a different perspective. Until that point it was just football, 24 hours a day. I gave everything for it every day and put everything else on the backburner. When my first daughter was born, a lot of things changed. I still have the same ambitions and the same desire on the pitch, but I'm really different on a personal level too. My family is very important to me, they have always accompanied me, even through all the transfers

You now live with your family in Germany again. How does it feel to be playing in the Bundesliga again after one and a half years?

The Bundesliga was a league that suited me well back then. But I always dreamt of playing in the Premier League; that's why I moved at the time. Thanks to TSG, the opportunity arose to come back to Germany this summer. I've always felt at home in Germany and been held in high regard. That's why I had a good feeling about playing in the Bundesliga again right from the beginning

The past year and a half has been very turbulent. You played for Burnley, Besiktas and Manchester United. What have you taken away from that time?

Despite all the transfers, it was a super experience. I became even more mature and developed not only as a player but also as a person. At Burnley, I played in the Premier League for the first time and fulfilled my dream. In Istanbul, I experienced a passion from the fans that you can't compare to anything else. And then came Manchester United and my chance to play for one of the biggest clubs in the world. I made a lot of appearances there, so that was another childhood dream that came true

How do you look back on your six months in Manchester?

I went there after the World Cup; it all happened very quickly. I played many games from the start; we won many matches and also the League Cup. But in the end – and I have to admit this to myself – I didn't score enough goals. As a United striker, you are judged by that. There's no need to sugarcoat it, two goals in 31 games is not enough. But that didn't lessen the appreciation from the United fans, because they realised that I always gave 100%. That's why it was a wonderful time

But you still scored a goal at Old Trafford, against Real Betis in the Europa League. Take us into your emotional world after that moment.

I said in my first interview that I could hardly wait to score my first goal. It normally happens faster for me, but I had to wait a few weeks. But after the goal against Betis, all the emotions came out of me; it was a very special moment for me. It was to remain my only goal at Old Trafford. That makes it special in retrospect

[silasea]

Jasper,

Words can only do so much to describe what I’m feeling right now. Part of it i think is denial— and disbelief that you’re gone.

I remember the day you were born. I remember telling my mom that you were the cutest thing in the world. The head the size of an orange and eyes the size of grapes. You were so small, a premie my aunt explained. You came fighting into this world from day 1. You were the most adorable baby. Your cheeks would turn red from the amount of times I kissed them. I felt so protective of you like the others — from the start. You grew up to be wild free and rebellious, and you always needed to have the last word. All the tough love in the world couldn’t tame you — I learned that the hard way. As a child you were always calm. I jokingly would call you my favorite to tease the others. It’s funny how certain moments in life come full circle. I remember being very young and hearing my aunt cry late at night. A wail that I never wanted to hear again. Your sister had jokingly texted her that you had passed away in a car accident. I remember your mom’s sobs and cries, they’re etched into my brain. It had only been about 10 minutes until we found out that the whole thing was just some inappropriate joke, made by an innocent child who didn’t understand the depth of her words. I remember you coming home that night fine and healthy as ever and I remember hugging you so tight. God forbid anything ever happening like that I prayed. That night I had nightmares of losing you, and I’d wake up each morning making sure you were ok, hugging you extra tight.

I felt so protective of you. More like an older sister than a cousin. From our roast sessions to our Mario kart sessions to spontaneous trips to the amusement park, and your crazy pranks. I’ll choose to remember you in that light. And although we grew apart and life has its way of throwing shit at us, you were still my favorite cousin.

I remember the night last year, my mom finally broke the news of your accident. I froze and blanked out for a bit phasing back to that dreaded night of our childhood. This could not be happening. I remember reaching out to your sister and all she told me was to pray.

You were in the ICU and touch and go for a while and then you were better, and then you were sick again and then you got better again. You fought hard for almost a year. There was no doubt in my mind you were going to make it, you made your way out so many times. I was sure you would show up at my doorstep one day and everything would be in its right place. With you making your witty remarks and spreading your laughter. You had to make it. There was no future I had imagined without each and every one of you. Your mom was distraught and didn’t know how to handle it all. We were kept away from seeing you. She blamed my brother a lot for what happened. You loved to follow his footsteps. So when my brother got a motorcycle of course you wanted your own. I could understand her pain and her reason to blame us, as misguided as it was. But it killed us all not knowing how you were. Grief has strange ways of manifesting itself. I only got updates of you from my mom— whatever she could manage to find out from your grandmother. Your mom completely shut us out.

I can’t imagine the grief she must be going through now. All I can remember is her wails that dreaded night. Child loss is the hardest grief to experience. They teach you that in nursing school. All I want to do is hug your mom and sister—just to help absorb some of their sorrows. But time heals all, and that’s my only solace.

I can only end this by saying I will remember you forever in my heart. You’ll live through my thoughts. I will remember you by your laughter, your witty remarks and your rebellious and strong nature. I love you Puru. Forever and always.

Your favorite cousin,

— Jassu

[dzpenumbra]

6/19/23

It's cold out. I had to close my window. It's like 50F out right now, I had to put a hoodie on.

I streamed again tonight. I... okay, I'll get back around to how that went, I wanna talk about one moment in particular.

The work I've been doing has been super meditative. I mean... like... very repetitive, very intuitive, just drawing shapes over and over and over, filling space. And I've been listening to trippy music to go with it, like the old days. Like back in college. I really miss studio art nights, and streaming is really an attempt to bring that back. So... I started with Casualties of Cool, because that's like... my go-to studio space-out album. It was great, I got a lot done. Then I took a break to play Session for a bit, that was fun. When I came back, I put on Devin Townsend's The Puzzle album, which I never really sat down and fully absorbed. I was fucking so deep in my head it's not even funny. I was just... gone. And I was streaming. Again... to no one... but still.

There was a point in the album that was like... there was a voice clip that was talking about how your suffering is less about the things that happened in your life, but more about how you react to it. And it got me. I just started wandering mentally off of that. And I started to go down some dark corridors in my head. Of like... times when I really should have been in jail, or died. Or was doing stupid shit that really... should have ended worse. Like... as unlucky as I feel... --- I mean, I was born on the 13th, I've always claimed that played into why I'm so unlucky --- even with that considered, I am so fucking lucky to be alive and without a criminal record.

Not because I ever really had bad intentions or even really hurt anyone, which of course is where my heavy heart came in and gave me a mini-anxiety attack. It's even starting now, I'm trying to calm it down. I feel like when I say "I should have been in jail", people assume bad intentions or malicious behavior. I was really bad with peer pressure. I was even hand-picked in middle school and high school to go to peer leadership programs... I guarantee it was because they could kinda tell I was susceptible to it. And I put my trust in the wrong damn people, who would kinda... pressure me to inch the goalposts of where my boundaries were more and more, you know... so I'd fit in... Trigger warning for drugs, if that's gonna be intense for you feel free to skip this and the next two paragraphs. First with booze, then with cigarettes, then with weed... then with mushrooms, then with "speed" (still don't know what that was, probably Adderall), then with acid, then with ecstasy and molly, then with coke... then with pills... which escalated to me actually trying heroin and not even knowing that was what it was. And I feel so fucking guilty... and stupid... for allowing myself to cede my own boundaries like that. To let people talk me out of my own comfort level, through deception and normalization. I don't like talking about this. I feel very ashamed. I don't even drink or smoke cigarettes, or even smoke weed anymore. I didn't even like being on prescription meds.

Some of the experiences, like weed and mushrooms and acid and ecstasy, were very much my choice and were actually really beneficial in the long run. Cigarettes too, that was my big one and I was totally fine with smoking those, and... in retrospect... they served a very practical purpose for me for over 15 years. The harder shit... I still feel dirty about it. Those days are over 10 years behind me. I just... feel like... okay... here's a story. The last time I was at the building that I live in right now? Before I moved in? I was on my college gap year visiting with friends from high school, they had friends who lived here. And they were in a coke phase. We all were drinking buddies, we all smoked cigarettes, and the charismatic leader decided to normalize coke... and regularly had it on him... and I went along with it. We all did. Call it experimenting, or just being social, whatever, I don't know. Well... I remember sitting in the parking lot at this building... with four of us in the car, with the windows up and fogged... passing a CD around the car and snorting lines off of it. And a fucking cruiser drives by behind us. And... stops. And for some reason... keeps going and leaves the parking lot. It had to be private security, not cops. It had to be. But man, I mean... I wouldn't have gotten slammed with that charge probably, because no possession... but yeah, it really wouldn't look good...

I don't know, maybe that story isn't that bad. It just feels dirty. I feel like coke is like... not something you talk about casually doing... even though everyone I did it with in college really did treat it like that. I don't know. I honestly didn't really enjoy it that much, it was like... way too much caffeine for like 15-30 minutes and then gone. And the worst hangover ever. And the drips were just obnoxious.

What hit me hard with looking back at the past was... the shame. And really just thinking... "I should have been a better person." I just started to type in that part of my brain's voice, and I realized... "should have's" are... depression. And shame. And I'm really just feeding it.

And I guess that's what that line in the song is about. How my suffering... that I'm imposing on myself right here and right now... is not as much because of the events themselves... because with that specific story? It was ultimately just me and my friends partying a bit, and it wasn't anything excessive. But how I react to it? Good lord. I'm emotionally reacting like I willingly gave nuclear codes to a Chinese spy or something.

You can't go back in time. In fact, a lot of theoretical physicists try to argue a theory that the past doesn't even tangibly exist. It's a going theory I heard, that time itself is basically like a series of present events that kinda blink in and out of existence, and the past... though we can presently remember it, no longer exists. It's a nice brain-bender to make the pit of your stomach churn a bit, if you really try to figure it out. (I have no idea how theoretical physicists sleep at night, this shit freaks me out.) Point being... if that theory is true, even if you could go back in time... there's no back in time to go back to. So why live in regret? Why live lamenting "I should have known better, I should have been better." Just... be good Now. Right?

I have a sign that I made, I've talked about it here before... It's got the same organic abstract pattern, but the bubbles are yellow and the membrane is two-tone green. And it has a black outline, it's on cardboard, and it has gold lettering on it saying "BE HERE NOW". It's the title of a Ram Dass book I was given ages ago, in a different life. I never really sat and worked my way through it, as such. I used that book when my brother and I would have jam sessions. I would do "divinatory singing" by picking a random page and sing verses from it, improvising a rhythm and melody, but using the words from the random page as lyrics. That was my primary use for that book. I still have it, it's on my bookshelf. And occasionally, I would just open it and flip to a random page and see what it had to show me.

The reason I chose the title "be here now" to put on the sign I made, is that my therapist was encouraging me to give myself reminders to be in the Now. To be present. Not mourning, lamenting and reliving in the Past. Not anxious, predictive and planning the Future. Just being present, in the Present. And that book title just immediately popped into my head. And I just pieced together exactly what it was saying. I remember being elated because of how genius its simplicity was. It says everything you need to know in as simple a form as possible. In a "who what where when why" kinda way. Who? The reader. Do what? Be. Where? Here. When? Now. Why? Well... XD

But that's the weird thing that I started to notice when I started to be more mindful of like... "when" I was, at different times throughout the day. Now is not just a temporal thing, it's kind of a "where". Like... yes, you're technically always "Now" because you're actively thinking... but like... from a perception of reality sense, when you go into memory, your experience of present reality is definitely altered. At least mine is.

And that was a big thing I experienced today. I disconnected from Now almost entirely. The music functioned as like... a medium for my imagination to just wander into the past. And the repetitive art functioned as basically a trance induction method. And I was like, I was eyes open and drawing, actively listening to the music and seeing a phantom montage of certain life events playing in my mind's eye simultaneously. Vividly. Which you can only really do when you're like... fully in autopilot. It was surreal, I haven't had that happen in a while. So, that was a powerful moment. I used to aspire for moments like that, and this just happened completely unintentionally, after like 40 straight minutes of repetitive drawing.

But yeah, the anxiety from inadvertently accessing shame and trauma was a tough one. And... I have a strong feeling that part of the album had to do with exactly that. It was an insanely powerful album and it ended with a note that... I could see fans of his... and others who don't really understand what they're experiencing... would likely hear and fucking cringe so hard their skin would crawl. But it ended with a quote that visibly brought a big smile to my face, and I'm going back to get the exact quote now.

"Because your greatness lies in the wake of years of telling yourself that you are not good enough. That you are not capable. That you are not worthy of being loved. YOU ARE. You needed to know, so now you know."

:) On an unrelated note, I'm gonna take a pee break real quick.

So yeah, took an unplanned mental vacation down shameful memory lane, got a tremendous amount of work done on an art piece that I have no idea what I'm going to do with... and streamed for 4 hours to pretty much no one. But even with all those things considered, it wasn't a bad day. I got a raid from someone who used to watch my streams occasionally, only 4 people and they didn't stick around long... but it's the thought that counts. They said my work looked like stained glass, it was cool to hear another perspective on it. It was nice to actually talk to someone in chat, rather than just listen to music and draw, which just feels exactly like being offline, only I can't talk to myself. So... it hasn't been a bad day, it just left me wanting and envisioning more.

I keep stalling on setting up social media for my art and stream stuff. I think it's mostly this stupid "branding" bullshit that's throwing me off. Like... profile picture and banner and shit. But today, I did pull up my Insta and... look into somehow putting those posts on Tumblr. But I just... I don't know what I'm doing, and those pictures are on my phone, not on my PC... I just got frustrated and gave up pretty quick. Trying to do that after mindless drawing for 2-3 hours straight is a pretty tall order. The thought is there.

I think I need a day where I don't work on a major art project... and instead I just go around and organize things in my home. Clean a bit. Do dishes, do laundry. Maybe plant the beans. Then try the social media stuff? Which I think would basically just be dumping all the stuff off my phone onto my PC... and then making template posts for each piece which I can go and post in multiple places. Maybe?

I think if I can connect with people who like my art style... and then post there when I go live? It's a better chance of attracting people to chill in my streams. The whole point of it is basically... to have an open-studio. To show the behind-the-scenes on how the artist makes his work, getting to hang out in the studio with them. With concept and process-based art, that can be a game-changer. That's the entire goal, and then they can buy the final piece when I'm done too. Or even order commissions if I do that. Or get lessons. I love the concept of it. And, more than anything, I just fucking miss art studio hangouts. Creative time.

Good fucking lord, after my breakup... when I finally grew the balls... (after like 4-6 months of grieving that and several other losses...) I went into the spare room that, to me, was haunted as shit. Haunted with the memories of countless stupid pointless fights, and all the dark secrets she kept behind closed doors. Fights where she would just take something super personally, refuse to work through her feelings, hold me accountable for her feelings as though I committed a crime or something, and then fight until we both got exhausted, and usually she would retreat into the spare room and sleep there. The spare room was always intended to be a studio/study. A creative space and a work space. A place of creation, not destruction. And I "selflessly" gave that space - in the house that my parents were helping me rent, that she never paid a cent for - to her. And after 4-6 months, I reclaimed that space. And I made it into something close to the creative space I always wanted it to be. And I could not, for the fucking life of me, get anyone else to come and be creative in that space with me. My brother visited twice. I convinced an old "friend" to do art nights, he was an aspiring tattoo artist, and he committed to doing art nights weekly. He did 2 and ghosted. That space ended up being just my personal creative space... and my dog's bedroom. So... it worked out in the end, but... I've just had this gigantic empty hole in my soul where communal art creation needed to be. And streaming felt like a fucking godsend for that. Anyone, anywhere on the earth, can hang out with me in my studio and chat and share ideas and even work along with me, even from their fucking phone. So... it's hard - really hard - to be doing that... and have the door wide open, and have no one show up.

But, I can't expect people to just show up. That's super rare. So... I'm really hoping if people see my art on Tumblr and follow me... they'll see my posts about going live and maybe hop on by to get to know the artist and see how these pieces are made. And hey, maybe they'd even be interested in getting a piece for their home. Who knows.

Alright, not gonna give my depression wiggle room to like... convince me no one wants my shit. Gonna move on before he gets the chance to sink his claws into that one... I'm gonna move on to tarot and close out the night.

Past - Three of Wands, inverted (Implementation of a plan, launching of a new idea.) Present - Three of Cups, inverted (Celebration, calling in good fortune, joy.  Social gathering, a heartfelt belonging in a community.) Future - Ace of Swords, inverted (Intellect, apply logic and reason, Clarity and focus of mind.)

Three inverted cards. Fun fun. I've seen all of these before, some more recently than others. I quickly copy-pasted the meanings that I wrote but didn't really read them, I'm gonna try to just piece this together to see how well I do from memory.

This starts with Three of Wands, inverted. This is the start of a new idea... meaning... the implementation of that idea. Like... the Ace is the spark, the Two is surveying and planning, Three is putting the plan into action. It's "setting sail". But this is inverted. Either... struggling to put an idea into practice? Or delaying, or not engaging with a creative idea, not putting it into motion.

This is connected to inverted Three of Cups. Three of Cups is the party card. It's people gathering and celebrating together. The image is a toast, with good friends. And this... is inverted as well. Blocked or refused, not functional.

This connects to inverted Ace of Swords. Ace of Swords is... okay, I don't remember it super vividly. I want to say it's like... the access of memories and experience to create a clear present moment. I'm trying to piece it together from memory by looking at the image. The woman has a tree growing out of her hair, and the branches form a house and a couple and a woman reaching for a bird... and I feel like those represented past memories, experience. And she is bowing, wielding the Sword of Truth, that has an open eye engraved into it. I feel like that's present awareness and sharp focus. I'm going to check my reference. Yeah, it's kinda the same shit - using reason and logic. That, again, being inverted... so... blocked, or being presented and I'm not engaging with it, or causing disarray somehow.

So... connecting all the dots... I'm just gonna be transparent here. I've been back and forth about the digital piece I started working on. It's huge. And I'm really plugging away at it. I'm making a lot of progress. But it was supposed to be a prototype. I think it's going to take me weeks, if not months... even if I work on it several hours every day. I don't want to axe the project... but every time I talk about it on stream? I feel like I'm talking about a project that will never be finished. And... I'm afraid that I'm going to stubbornly go "NO, I'm going to finish it..." And get locked in to it. So... two other projects have been orbiting around this concept. 1). An ink piece on either a big piece of paper or cloth that is this same organic fractal design that I'm prototyping... but a physical version. 2). The micro Zen Garden idea that I've been gushing about the past few days, that I nerded out on again for like 10 minutes straight during my stream tonight.

Why the fuck am I talking about this? Well... Three of Wands is about putting a new creative venture into practice. Starting a new project. And... those are the two that are primed and ready, but waiting for this titanic digital piece to hop on the bench. So... when I saw inverted Three of Wands, I immediately thought of the micro Zen Gardens. Immediately. So... I think that's it. The project that I've been delaying and stalling and half-starting for almost 6 fucking months. This connects to... something blocking social connection. Social communion. I really do think the Zen Garden thing is much more universally appealing, something almost anyone can engage with. And something anyone could really want for themselves, as décor in their home. So... not engaging with and prototyping that idea... could be stalling or interfering with that Three of Cups moment. And that leads to inverted Ace of Swords... a lack of reason, a lack of clarity. Memory and experience in disarray. Ehhh.... but again, I don't like to read inverted cards as... "opposites" or "voids" or "not's"... so... let's phrase that differently. My delay of working on this micro Zen Garden idea could be interfering with opportunities for social connections, and the result of that is a difficulty engaging in logical focus. My focus is muddy, my vision obscured. See? It can be hard to read inversions. :(

Welp, regardless of what the cards are saying... I am pretty clearly saying that I really want to engage with this Zen Garden project. I should at very least just tack on a bag of sand from Lowe's to the next grocery order I make. Then I have it. I like the idea of doing a very minimal sand Zen Garden with some of the stones that I saved to be polished, but will likely never get around to polishing, and then raking designs into the sand using the stones as contours. That could be cool. All I need for that is a box of some kind that looks decent that can hold sand without leaking. That's it. The shallower the better, then I can conserve sand and do a bunch of them.

Cool. Well... so... what I've gotten out of this is... 1). I need a day to just organize my house and clean, do laundry, chill out, maybe order a pizza or something. 2). I need to figure out social media and develop a bit of a habit similar to this, but a fraction of the time and effort investment. 3). I need to go ahead with the Zen Garden idea and back off the big fractal digital piece as being my "primary" piece.

That's a lot. So... maybe I'll just start with number 1 tomorrow. :)

[choco-bean405]

Heyo guys! I'm back with an art dump, sooo these'll be either drawings i forgot to post, not fully finished orr just left out since life happened. Ah and i'm so sorry for the long wait! I've been driving myself a bit insane with saving up money for december, with a shopping trip coming up on the 19th, andd trying to think of what members of my family would want for Christmas, sooo yeah.

Anyways, let's get on with the artwork shall we?

First off, macaque!!! Tho kinda combined his Monkey King 2009 design with the lego style monkie kid's in, as a sort of past version i guess? Like his cape over the years grew darker in colour and gotten a bit more worn down. And with his new powers, came the black fur?

Here's some training drawings i've tried doing, since i want to get better with harder and more dynamic kind of poses. Annd, heyy! RJ got a new outfit! And ngl i'm starting to like the colour pallet i used for it 😍

Ohhh i drew that pose a whiile back but never got to finishing it til today, sooo i turned it into a drawing of Tang with a sort of outfit i thought up...tho idk why but i kinda see harry potter instead of him 😅

For this drawing, i had been thinking, Sun wukong has the scarf, andd Macaque has a cape, sooo why not give MK a red bandana? Like he could have wanted to match Sun a bit more, with being his successor, and Rummaged through some old stuff of his and found it? Orrr maybe tang or pigsy gave it to him? I'm not sure, either way, i love how it turned out.

Ooohhh this is a fun one! My idea of how Mk and Red Son had RJ was, maybe during a sparring session or fight, something happened anndd well, in a nut shell, RJ was born from a stone egg (Pftt-Try explaining to your son how children were made when they came from an Egg 😅), I had to reference the egg mk came from well, from the pilot episode,but add in some fire elements to reference Red Son's fire powers. As RJ is a combo of both of them.

Oohhh 🤣 i wanted to do some muscle practise sooo it turned into a shirtless Red Son drawing..whiich i'm considering drawing one of the other character's reactions to it. I ain't saying who tho~

These were part of a small art challange i came up with, i drew Red Son and MK buut, i used a colour generator to colour them in. I was going through art block at the time soo, it really helped out!

Annd here are the last few! I was watching a youtuber try out a couple tik tol art challenges and i saw this one, "If you see this, draw your oc as: Normal, Genderbent, Child(Past Self), Royalty, and Villain". I haven't gotten onto the villain part yet buut i thought i should at least show these.

Here are the last 2! I loved seeing people's versions of a swap au sooo, I thought I'd try doing my own! Just, i guess you could call it a "Swapped Destiny AU"? Mk is the full son of DBK and Princess iron fan, And Red Son is the Monkey king successor! There were other ideas of Bai-He(Lady bone demon's vessel/Possessed girl), and Mei being swapped around, andd Sun and Macaque swapping roles too. Buut that's something for another day!

I hope you all enjoy the drawings! And i'll try to update whenever i can 😅 have a nice day,night, morning or afternoon wherever you are!

[hongjoongscafe]

Stay with me

Part: 13 {serieslist}

|In the gloomy days|

Pairing: hamsterhybrid!hongjoong×reader

Genre: fluff, angst, smut.

Summary: she couldn't help but adopt the sweet and shy but stressed hybrid. Will he be able to open up?

Warnings: implied rape, nudity.

Word count: 2.4k+

Note: Namjoon is older than Jungkook but Jungkook is the senior officer.

Masterpost

ATEEZ masterlist

*Do NOT repost, plz*

A week passed by. Police were still trying their best to find evidence. All they knew was that Hongjoong ran away by his choice.

On the other hand, Hongjoong was being used and abused even more. Every day, the number of clients increased. They were filling up and as the Master said, he was covering up all the loss cost by Hongjoong's escape. 

Poor hybrid couldn't think straight. He was being fucked almost all the time. They even started the night hours. Hongjoong was sleep-deprived. He was waiting for a miracle to happen or he might die from the excess tiredness. 

Hongjoong was given just enough food to survive. His ribs started to poke out, cheeks became hollow. He always felt like he might end up collapsing in the middle of his session. It only got worse. 

Hongjoong was getting ready to be strapped up to his booth when his Master paid them a surprise visit. The Master looked so happy. He came towards the half-strapped Hongjoong. Master caressed his naked butt and patted it a few times. 

"Look at this. My best boy is all ready to take his sirs. No wonder why there is more demand for your tight ass. How the fuck do you manage to be tight after taking many dicks. Hmm? You were just born as a slut, to be a slut. Isn't that right? I think it is right," the Master smacked Hongjoong's both the ass cheeks. "Anyhow, today is going to be a bit different," Hongjoong started to panic. The different is never good. He observed the Master's reflection through his blurry eyes. "Today, you will be serving our biggest customer. They demanded you at their mansion for five hours and they offered $1,000 per hour. Get him ready by 6:30 PM. Dress my bitch beautifully and make sure there is no cum in his asshole. They will pick him up at the same time," the Master commanded and left after smacking his butt last time.

"You are in for a big deal buddy. I don't think that you will be able to even open your eyes tomorrow… not gonna lie, I kinda feel bad for ya," the man who was strapping Hongjoong said.

Hongjoong didn't know how to react or what to say. He just wanted to get over this. His mind was fucking with him internally. The darker thoughts took a higher pace in his mind. 

…

The day went rather quickly. The second client couldn't make it to the appointment and the third guy got a call. Not to mention that the Master postponed all appointments after 2:00 PM so that Hongjoong could take a rest and perform better later at the place he was going. 

Hongjoong was sitting in his room waiting for the guy to take him and get him ready. He knew he had to go through all of this to avoid any other type of harm. He was already getting raped constantly. The idea of the Master's torture belt sent shivers down his spine. 

After waiting for a while, a guy came in and took the hybrid to the shower room where he got cleaned properly and then they gave him a hot water bath. He was shocked about all the treatment but it made him more scared.

'I must be going somewhere high-end. I have to be more careful today,' Hongjoong thought.

…

The days are rather gloomy. Where the surroundings were pink and purple are now blues and greys. 

Y/n was doing no good herself. Constantly waiting for her dearest Hongjoong to return. Seonghwa and Wooyoung tried their best to keep your mind diverted. But they know too, that it's not that easy. Only Jungkook and you know how it feels to be away from your loving lovers. 

Jungkook and Namjoon were trying their hardest to find new clues. They forgot what mornings or nights were. All they know is that they had to find an innocent hybrid. 

By now, Namjoon understood that this case is more than just a case for Jungkook. His emotional side was peaking at a certain level. He took this case more personally. Namjoon wanted to know what his senior was going through but he didn't want to question anything. He was scared to touch his senior's wounds. 

Namjoon's wife was a fox hybrid. He couldn't imagine any of this happening to them. He felt relieved by the fact that she was in stronger hybrids and no one bothered her. But his heart goes for you and Jungkook. At least he knows that Jungkook has lost someone near and dear to him by Namjoon's experience. 

The officers checked all the possible hideouts. They even checked the last place Hongjoong was seen. Most of the people didn't see him. But a lady in the streets did. But she wasn't aware of where the hybrid went. 

Jungkook felt like falling flat. No matter what he tried, he fell back to square one. Every single thing was failing him. He couldn't save Han but he wanted to save Hongjoong. Nevertheless, he didn't want to give up just yet. He wanted to do something as long as his capacity allows. He was ready to break the limits for the hybrid and the depressed woman who was compromising her health every day. 

…

As the Master informed them, the two men came and took Hongjoong with them. Hybrid's eyes were blindfolded. Not that he was going to go back or do something bad but they didn't like the idea of risking. 

The place looked far too ornate. He felt like he didn't belong there. People there were dressed elegantly. Their perfect faces were breathtaking. It all smelled expensive. It was classy. He wondered if you and he would look good together in such a place. He was imagining you in an expensive gown. 

'She would look like an angel,' he smiled at the thought of it. 

He was swiftly escorted behind the tall doors. There were many fine men. All dressed up in beautiful tuxedos. But that was not all, there were other hamster hybrids too, who were being used. There were four of them and five if he was included. 

"Look at that hot meat. They say his asshole is to die for. Always warm and tight," one of the rich men said, pointing in his direction. 

"Mr. Smith, you made my night even younger. I think I can use his hole for my life," a shaggy man commented. 

"Come here, my love," what seems like Mr. Smith, called Hongjoong. 

Hongjoong stepped small steps toward the man. When he reached him, the wealthy man started touching him. Slowly, he removed his clothes until Hongjoong was left only in his underpants. 

Just like the other four hybrids, he was being used like a bitch. They had no mercy on him. They went on and on without breaks. It was a tough time. He wasn't well-fed to get through this all. They used him in as many ways possible. 

As informed, they drilled into him for five hours straight. Hongjoong was sure that by this time, his insides had broken. Oh, the pain made his head go around. He remembered the words of the guy from the morning —

"You are in for a big deal buddy. I don't think that you will be able to even open your eyes tomorrow… not gonna lie, I kinda feel bad for ya," the man who was strapping Hongjoong said.

He wasn't lying. Hell, he probably won't be able to open his eyes for the rest of the month. 

Hongjoong looked down and saw his legs covered in people's arousal and release along with his own blood. He was terrified. Thinking about the next day's appointments made him shiver in terror. 

…

By the time they were done, Hongjoong's body was hurting. His lower parts were covered in blood and his face was covered in drool and nasty cum of the unknown people. 

He was now going back to his Master's place. While the ride began, his mind slipped away. He was thinking about his life and how it turned out to be.

He didn't choose to be this. He was threatened by this whole fuckery he had to go through to live his life. He was forced to take dicks and be degraded. He was living a life that even the demons of hell would show mercy on him if they see him like this.

Hongjoong was sad about the people who faked their issues. He hated the people who claimed to be sexually abused just for public attention. How could they not appreciate their perfect life? Did they not think of the people who have gone through this and their oh-so harsh traumas, that never left their dreams? 

It is no fun to be raped. It is no fun to have mental health issues. They are no trends but people fucking make them. How could the world be this unfair where they fake things that have made other people's life a living hell. Is it so fun for them to hurt themselves for no real reason other than attention? 

Hongjoong was going through this, but it was no fun. He was so ready to slit open his wrist but he wasn't doing this for attention. He wasn't having fun when his nightmares were filled with filthy people touching him and the picture of his dead parents or him being beaten to almost death. He wasn't having fun. Neither are the people who are going through this. No one who is crying for at least one hour of good night's sleep without haunting nightmares was having fun. The person who hung themselves because their inner demons were dancing on their head wasn't having fun. They all were dying. They all were hollow to feel anything. They were killed before their lives even began. They were killed inside before they even got to enjoy their lives. 

Hongjoong's thoughts were halted when the car stopped. His blindfold was removed and was taken back in. He stumbled back in. But all while, no one knew about the eyes of the lady who watched the hybrid being forced back. 

…

It was around 11 at night. Both the officers were walking back to their station after their search. This search led them to no lead. They were frustrated. 

"Hyung…?" Jungkook called in a weak voice.

"Hmm?"

"I feel like a failure," Namjoon looked towards the other officer. "I have trained for so long. I have solved a decent amount of cases. But I feel like a failure today. I feel like every single second I have invested in this field has gone to waste. I can't even find an innocent hybrid," Jungkook's eyes were pouring. 

"Jungkook, you are not a failure. Things are messed up a bit, I know. It's tough. But it's not your fault. My man, you are doing whatever you can. I'm sure we are going to find our little hybrid. We will give y/n her loving hybrid back. I just wish he is somewhere here hiding," Namjoon patted his back. 

"How are you so sure, Hyung?" Jungkook questioned. 

Namjoon looked at Jungkook with a dimpled smile, "because you are working your ass off, my senior," they giggled. 

"Yes, I am," Jungkook whispered.

After their conversation, officers collected their stuff from their desks and started preparing to leave. 

"Sir!" Namjoon called for Jungkook.

"Hyung! Don't call me that! At least not when we are off duty," Jungkook whined.

"An officer is never off duty," Namjoon joked. 

"Ah, Hyung, what is it?"

"Why don't you join us tonight, hmm? My wife said that she is gonna bring food today and their restaurant makes delicious food. And you will not be alone tonight," Namjoon offered. 

"Ah, I don't wanna burden you and your wife, Kim," he rubbed his neck nervously.

"I insist," Namjoon smiled.

"Alright, to Kim's house we go," Jungkook smiled widely and started taking steps towards his car as if he was marching. 

…

Namjoon showed Jungkook the guest room and gave him a fresh towel for him to use after showering. Jungkook was feeling better at his junior's place. He was usually alone at his home at this time. The memories of Han would cloud his mind and he would drown in the flood they caused. But this was nice if not the best.

Miso– Namjoon's wife– was still not yet home. So the officers decided to watch a movie in the meantime. 

The door clicked open indicating Miso's presence. Namjoon got up and quickly embraced his fox. He kissed her lips gently and asked her about her day. 

"Jungkook, meet my wife Miso," Namjoon introduced, "and he is my senior, Miso."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, officer Jungkook. I hope you feel at home here. You can stay here for as long as you want. I'm not even joking. This offer stands for real," Miso offered her soft to Jungkook for a handshake. 

Miso was a kind sweetheart. She loved to help others and offer them help. Namjoon was attracted to her because of this in the first place. Although she was a fox, she had the heart of a soft bunny. 

"It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Kim. I am feeling at home. But I hope I'm not causing you any trouble," Jungkook was genuinely glad. She gave him a welcoming feeling and he appreciated it. 

"Oh hush! No one is causing me any trouble. Just relax. Joonie and I will serve," she smiled. 

"Ah, no. Let me help too!" Jungkook happily helped them.

They were having their dinner and chatting in between. Namjoon's wife turned out to be extremely nice. It was nice for Jungkook to hang out with them. For once he could keep Han's memories aside. He needed to move on but it's not that easy.

"Namjoon?" Miso called.

"Yes, love?" Namjoon looked at her.

"Remember I told you about a hybrid that ran away?" She questioned.

"Yeah, what about it?"

"I was locking the restaurant tonight and a land rover stopped in front of that building and a hamster hybrid was forced inside of the place. I looked at him carefully and it was the one who ran away. He was not in good condition. I could see blood patches around him," after listening to that, the ears of the officers perked up causing the fox hybrid's ears to perk up at the situation. 

Jungkook quickly shuffled through his pocket and after tapping around a few he showed her a picture.

"Was that hybrid him?" He asked with hope in his eyes. 

Miso looked at the picture. She was carefully looking before saying—

"Yes, that's him."

.....

Sanaa's note:

I hope you like this part.🙃

The behavior of all the characters is visualized.

Taglist:

@sungiesangel @untitled76543 @bbc-minji-oc @tenelkadjowrites @hongjoongtrasher @paralumanniluna @shiningstar-byulxx

@ryo-84 @yunhosleftpinky @damselindistressanu @r000l @bikiniholic @playboygeniusphilanthropist @hippohippo @hwachu @veneziamadness @solarswonderland @cheline @gayliljoong

@giulianacelestino @yeosangsbiceps @lose-lose07 @nymeriaaa @yoonjikim

*lemme know if you wanna be added to the taglist*

*original pictures are not mine, I just edited them*

Have a nice day/night💓

[restlessmaknae]

finite forever [p.s.h]

➳ Characters: boyfriend!Sunghoon x reader/you

➳ Genre: angst, break-up au

➳ Words: 973

➳ Warning: - (apart from the angst)

➳ A/N: Part of my enhypen series ‘heartbreak anniversary’.

➳ Recommended song: give me time by new hope club

➳ Taglist: @hyunjinswife, @lhsng, @dat-town, @winterbeartaehyungbestboy, @laaylaazyy, @effulgentfireflies, @hira127, @sweetjaemss, @soobin-chois

Nothing lasts forever, but Park Sunghoon, he thought that you two would.

Puppy love was how it started; a crush born under the watching eyes of the early morning sunrise as you two made your way to high school, an oddly growing sensation of secretly stealing glances in the hallway, storing subtle smiles in the back of his mind, abrupt skips of his heartbeat whenever you called his name, daylight turning to night skies and night skies turning to daylight as you didn’t leave his thoughts, nestling into the corners of his overthinking self, of those big what ifs and secretly rehearsed innocent confessions.

Park Sunghoon has never been good with words, but for you, he wanted to write a song, a poem, a book or whatever that he could put his heart and soul into, yet it was difficult. More difficult than bearing himself to look away when you caught him staring at you with those dreamy eyes, more difficult than toning down the spike of jealousy whenever he saw you talking to other boys.

He has never believed in love before, he has never believed in forever, but with you, he wanted to believe in it.

So when words slipped out, long hidden feelings came to the surface at the most ordinary corner store in existence, bumping into you between two rows, the most extraordinary thing happened; you liked him back. Hope blossomed in his chest and it didn’t stop growing with the passing days, weeks, months and now years. It grew into a tree that was steady, unwavering under the hostile whistle of the wind, resilient against the storms of teenage uncertainty, growing through the times of despair, loss and change as you two have turned from high school students to university students.

Just like how seasons change, your relationship has gone through a lot, too. Late night study sessions in the library, hands held under the table to avoid gazes from others turned into late night study sessions in aesthetic little cafés until closing hours without caring about what others thought; clumsy confessions that have been well rehearsed but have never seemed to come out right turned into spur-of-a-moment words of gratitude, heartfelt and inimitable; walking down the same old hallways in your old-worn - a bit tight in some places and a bit too loose in others - school uniform turned into walking down the streets of the big Seoul in clothes you have chosen after spending too much time thinking what the other would think of it.

You have both grown, you have both changed, and it was for the better most of the time. Change has impacted your relationship in more than one way, but Sunghoon kept believing in forever, he held onto it tight like a secret meant to stay a secret, the key to his once closed-up heart, the promise of a future with more certainty, happiness and an unchanging company.

However, you seemed to have a different opinion on forever.

“Don’t you think it’s funny that a word like forever exists when people say forever doesn’t actually exist?”

Sunghoon didn’t think too much of it back then, he just shrugged it off, dusting it off like he would with some clothes of his.

“Forever might exist in some cases,” he objected nevertheless, more like a mumble to himself than a starter of an argument, but that day, you made him question whether forever existed and whether you imagined your forever with him.

It was subtle, just like the way you two became parts of each other’s life, it was subtle when you started growing apart from each other, leaving less and less footprints in the other’s life, less and less words to ponder over or smile about, less and less times to warm hearts, yet more and more time to feel alone.

It has been so long since Park Sunghoon felt alone that when it became more and more apparent that there was so much space between you two when you slept, more and more silence when you walked down the streets together and more and more iciness when you talked, he didn’t know what to do with himself.

See, he has never been good with words, and he hasn’t dared to ask about it, he rather watched how it unfolded, seeing the love grow old, seeing it grow cold and dull, seeing it change into the bitter aftertaste of summer ending and fall replacing it with its falling leaves and chilly mornings, and seeing the tree of your love withering, trunk becoming rusty and lifeless. He has just dragged it out long enough, trying to give you and himself time to change it, to deal with it or to accept it for the better, but you have changed.

You have both changed. You weren’t the same high school sweethearts you once were, living with your parents, living in the town you have both grown up in. You were adults away from home, catering to yourself, studying and working, and eventually, leading very different lives. You have both changed, and it seemed that for you two, this change wasn’t for the better.

So when Sunghoon’s first confession:

“I’m sorry for liking you. I hope you don’t feel pressured to like me back.”

Turned into your last words:

“I’m sorry for not loving you enough lately. I think it’ll be better if we went our separate ways.”

He knew that you have long accepted that forever doesn’t exist, but he hasn’t. He has begun to hope that it does exist, but with you leaving, he knows that forever is merely a word, a hope for humanity, a promise for something no one can promise, and maybe a confession in itself, but forever itself doesn’t exist. Love does but forever is - just like any of us - finite.

A/N: Thank you for reading my story! ❤️ If you’re interested in the other fics in the series and want to be tagged when the other members’ stories come out, send me an ask/DM, and I’ll add you to the taglist. Hope you have a lovely day/night! ❤️

[djarinbarnes]

Silent Night - Bucky Barnes

THIS IS A DARK FIC. IF YOU’RE UNDER 18, PLEASE DNI.

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

Author: Dina

Word Count: roughly 15k

Pairing: Dark!Bucky Barnes x innocent(?)!female reader

Warnings: dark!bucky, dark!fic, 18+, loss of virginity, dubcon, noncon (to be safe), smut, age gap (18 and 36), pwp, unprotected sex, male masturbation, abuse of power, anal sex, somnophilia, anal play, toys, drugging, forced oral, spitting, slapping, slight bondage... a whole lot of things.

Summary: Bucky has always put his best friend’s daughter first. She’s like the niece he never had. He’s recently become more and more infatuated with her, and when he sees a window of opportunity, he decides to act upon it.

A/N: Well damn, here it is! This is a long one 😇 Some of you have read this before, but now it has been rewritten and finished ♡

For Kaley, Sab, Gracie and Nahema. I wouldn’t have finished this without you ♡

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

Dear diary.

This is the story of how I really lost my virginity. I know that no one is going to see this, but I figured writing about it would make it seem better. Easier.

It’s something I’ve been reluctant to share with anybody until now. A lot of things have happened since I wrote to you last. You’ve heard about this man before.

He’s been my father’s best friend for years. Since they were boys. Best man at my parent’s wedding, there in the waiting room the day I was born, present at every birthday party since then. Giving me presents, treating me with so much love.

Uncle Bucky, as he’d come to be named in our family, had watched me grow up and I was his princess. The niece he never had. He showered me with everything a little girl could wish for. We had secrets. It was just something that was shared between the two of us.

But once I turned eighteen, something changed in Bucky. His fondness of me turned into an obsession. I felt it like a pendulum changing its magnetic attraction point. Every time he was over at our house, he would become distracted.

I’ve known all along what made him distracted. It was something I reveled in. But he knew he couldn’t do anything while my dad was around. So, he came up with a plan to get me alone.

Friday, 3:21pm

Going away with Bucky for the weekend as a graduation present seemed like everything she had hoped for. She would finally be free from her parents, even if it was only a weekend. She made her way around her room cheerily, throwing some random pieces of clothing along with her bathing suit, a towel and some toiletries into her bag, feeling her stomach jump slightly.

When Bucky had given her a weekend getaway to his lake house as a graduation present last week, she had been overjoyed. Finally, she had the chance to feel a little bit alive, since her parents hadn’t let her celebrate graduation with her classmates.

A gift from your favorite uncle! Had been scrawled into the card in Bucky's messy handwriting. She just knew he’d been standing at the florists, greasy hands stuffed in his pockets, nervously buying 18 red roses for her. Bucky had always made sure she had everything. He was her dad's coolest friend, and he would spoil her as much as he could.

It hadn't taken a lot of persuasion from her side to let her parents agree to hang out with Bucky for a weekend. He'd babysat her before when she was younger, but it was different now that she’d turned 18. The rules they had set were minimum, but they were there. No drinking, no nothing they wouldn’t do. A little more loose than usual, but she appreciated it, nonetheless.

Her parents, Steve and Peggy, had grown uptight over the last few years, and everything was about keeping her safe and keeping boys away from her. There was always an excuse as to why she couldn’t go to a party or why she couldn’t go on a date with Peter, the guy she had been studying with at school.

Peter was a good kid; she knew that much. He never tried anything with her, and always held back when she would flirt with him during their study sessions at the library. Even that one time she’d tried to hold his hand, he’d shrugged her off and excused himself for the day.

She never figured out why he didn’t want her affection, but she found out soon after, when she saw him kiss his best friend just after the graduation ceremony. It’d hurt – a lot – but she figured it was for the better. A day didn’t even pass before she was laughing at her obliviousness.

This year, when she’d finally turned 18, she’d hoped that everything would settle down with her parents and they’d loosen the restraints on her, but she was wrong. Apparently now, there was even more reason for keeping her home and away from boys. She figured they were afraid of her getting knocked up or something along the lines of that.

The only man she’d see on a regular basis out of school was Uncle Bucky. He and her father would always be working on their motorcycles in front of the garage, and she would watch them from her window on the first floor. She’d found her window to be a great place to keep an eye on them – on him.

She knew that Bucky worked out a lot and put a lot of effort into looking good on a daily basis, but there was just something captivating about him when his hands were covered in grease, strands of his hair falling from the half bun at the back of his head, the sweat glistening on his skin in the sun. He was attractive. And very much so.

If he was only ten years younger and not her father’s best friend, she would’ve been more than interested in him. Well, she was interested… But she knew that her father wouldn’t ever allow something like it, let alone… No. It just wasn’t happening.

Detaching herself from her train off thoughts and zipping up her weekend bag, she heard a car honk from the driveway. She made her way over to the window and a smile spread across her face as she saw Bucky’s sleek, black convertible pull up. She hurried over to her bag, making sure she had everything before nearly jumping down the stairs to get out of the house.

“Bye dad! Bye mom!” she yelled just as she pushed open the door, making her way to Bucky who was now leaning against the hood of his car. When he noticed her approaching, he pushed his body off the hood and opened his arms for her, letting her run into his warm embrace with a giggle. A muttered hi was shared between the two of them before he pulled away, walking around the hood to open the car door for her.

Giving her bag to Bucky before he shut the passenger door made her stomach flutter slightly. She hears the trunk opening and closing, and when he slides into the driver’s seat beside her and pulls out of the driveway, he's already telling jokes and making her laugh.

It was gonna be a fun weekend, she expected that much. She had great plans.

Friday, 4:02pm

Arriving at his lake house had her eyes widening. It was like a whole new house. There had been added an extension to the main house since she was here last summer, and the front porch had been painted white. Bucky parked the car, and she threw open the door of the car, getting out in one fluid motion.

"Wow! This is amazing Bucky!" she smiled at him as they both ventured up the stairs to his front porch. Bucky unlocked the door and they both stepped into the house. She’s taken aback once again.

"This is so much neater than the last time I was here!"

The whole place has been fully renovated, and there's newer, modern furniture complimenting the freshly painted walls. She admires the giant painting on the furthest wall and remembers the unfinished canvas that had been sitting untouched in one of her parent’s rooms last year.

“He finished it.” She smiled and stepped closer to it, admiring the thick, colorful paint strokes upon the black background. She heard Bucky’s footsteps behind her, trailing back through his house.

"Check out the view." She hears Bucky's voice from somewhere in the kitchen. She places her bag on one of the chairs in the living room, walking over to the glass sliding doors that lead out to the back garden, and she bursts out into a smile.

The lake you once had to walk through trees to get to, is now visible from where she’s standing. The belt of trees has been cut down, and the trunks has been dug up. She could see further than ever. She could even see the water supply tower that showed where the city began. If she squinted, she could see her parents’ backyard.

"This is incredible! I wish we lived here," she sighed and turned to find Bucky standing in the doorway. If she’d known of the way Bucky’s heart had thumped in his chest at her revelation, her smile would fall immediately. She internally begged to whomever, that Bucky hadn’t noticed her say we. Instead, he spoke up about something else.

"You still have to see the new amenities." A smile tugged on Bucky's lips.

"What amenities?" He knew she’d love what he’d installed for her, and only her. She’d talked about it for weeks on end the past five summers, and during the winter he’d finally found the time and materials to fulfill her dreams.

"The pool." his eyes glinted with something near mischief. Her eyes widened along with her smile.

"You have a pool? That's amazing!" Just the reaction he’d hoped for. He loved it when she lit up like fairy lights, her eyes filling with glee. It made his heartbeat faster in his chest.

"Did you bring your suit?" she didn't know if she heard it right, but it seemed that his voice had dropped an octave. She nodded as she grabbed her bikini out of her bag, making her way to the newly renovated bathroom to change.

Bucky watched her as she with a giggle made her way through his house, her arms wrapped around her form to shield her nakedness from the older man, who subtly tried to not look at her. “You’re not joining me?” her innocent voice filled his ears and he shut his eyes tightly before turning just a bit away from her.

“No, I’ve got some things to do. Maybe later.” His eyes quickly came up as he heard the sliding door open, watching her ass as she made her way from the patio door to the point where she descended the built-in stairs into the newly built pool.

He felt his cock twitch in his pants, the sight of her in her skimpy purple bikini was making the blood flow to his cock at an undeniable speed. He watched as her shoulders shuddered before she dived under water, her perky ass just caressing the surface from below.

He clenched his jaw before turning on his heel, the image of her half naked body burned into his retina. He needed to get it out of his system, and he needed to do it fast. He knew that there was no way he would ever forget what he had just seen, but either way he had to do something about the situation in his pants.

Making his way into the bathroom nearest the pool, he quickly unbuckled his pants and shoved both them and his underwear down to his thighs. His cock sprung free, slapping against his stomach, hard and proud and he spat into his hand before gripping it tightly, letting out a strangled groan.

"Fuck yes, god you're such a fucking tease..." his head rolled back as he moved his hand, keeping a tight grip around the shaft, imagining her lithe body taking his cock, all of his cock. “Bet you know what you’re doing to me. Bet you know how I feel about you.” His last words were followed by a groan.

The veins pulsated beneath his fingers as he let his head fall forward and he opened his eyes, watching as he fucked into his hand. He saw her body before him, drenched in the cool water of the pool, goosebumps rising on her skin, and he let out another strangled groan, god, he was so close.

It was unlike any time he’d ever jerked off to the vision of her. It was intensified – by powers he didn’t know where from. Maybe it was from her being close. So close he could reach out and claim her as his – just like he’d always wanted to.

He felt the well-known tightening in this scrotum, this time so powerful they drove tears to his eyes. God – he wanted her so badly it hurt. Yet, he had to restrain himself for the time being, he thought, as the movements of his hand picking up speed and he sucked in a breath just as he felt the surge of euphoria overcome him, and-

"Oh my god, Bucky I'm so sorry!"

Friday, 4:43pm

The air that hits her when she emerges from the water is cold. She’s shivering as she throws her arms around herself, making her way up the stairs and inside the house.

She has no idea where Bucky went, so light on her toes, arms trying to warm her torso, she makes her way to the nearest bathroom to take a warm shower. Her teeth are clattering, her frame littered with goosebumps as she trod lightly through the slightly warmer house.

She stops on one foot when she hears a sound, a sound that resembles a moan an awful lot. It can’t be. She approaches the half-open door cautiously, thinking her next move over at least a thousand times before she finally gives in and pushes the door open wider, making her halt completely.

There, in all his glory is Bucky, touching himself for whomever may have walked in to see. That whomever being her. She lets out a shriek before turning her back to him. “Oh my god, Bucky I’m so sorry!” She squeezes her eyes shut tightly, the embarrassment warming up her body quickly as she hears a rustling of clothes behind her.

She silently prays that he isn’t mad at her for walking in on such an intimate moment for him. It lit something inside of her, though, seeing him all hot and bothered for her. Everything that she’s ever imagined about him was definitely an understatement. She hears his footsteps behind her and soon after the heat radiating off his chest against her back, before he speaks up.

“Don’t worry about it,” His voice is so deep she can barely recognize it. “The bathroom is all yours.”

She locks eyes with him as he walks past her, his pupils blown wide like she’s never seen them before. She wraps her arms tighter around herself, trying to cover up from his prying eyes. She nods her head slightly before turning on her heel, walking into the bathroom.

She makes sure the door is locked behind her before she strips herself of her bikini, making sure to hang them to dry on the small, heated towel rack, before finding a towel under the sink where he usually keeps them.

The shower she takes is as long as it usually would take, only now her thoughts are occupied with flashes of Bucky touching himself. Why was he touching himself? Her mind wanders to who the reason could be. She knew he’d had a girlfriend named Natasha once – she was beautiful and had lips like the fullest, reddest cherry – she looked like every man’s wet dream.

She also knew from photos that he’d had a long-time girlfriend in high school through college named Dot – brunette and curvy and with the prettiest facial features she’d ever laid her eyes upon – all the women she had known Bucky to date were so beautiful, he could only think of either them or some hot porn stars he’d probably seen online.

But why now while she was here? Her eyes rolled back as she let out a whimper, her fingers gliding between her smooth, velvet lips, the vision of his hand gliding along the smooth skin of his cock letting her imagination run wild.

Her eyes went wide when she realized what she was doing, and she quickly retracted her fingers from where she now felt a certain warmth spread. She let out a deep sigh as she rested her head against the wall of the shower, the warm water still cascading down her back, heating her freezing limbs.

She finished her shower reluctantly before drying herself off, groaning inwardly as she realized she’d forgotten to bring clean panties and even clean clothes with her to the bathroom in the furry of awkward seconds between her and Bucky. She went over the possibilities she had in her head before searching the bathroom, letting out a small yes! when she found one of Bucky’s clean shirts in one of the small cabinets.

Thinking he didn’t mind, she slipped it over her head and vowed to herself to apologize to him when she saw him next. The shirt felt way too comfortable than it should have, and it instantly warmed her torso, before she pulled it down as far as it would go, just below the apex of her thighs.

She let out a sigh before unlocking the door, listening for a few second to hear where Bucky was located in the house. She heard the washing machine click open and she closed her eyes with another sigh, leaving the safe perimeters where she wouldn’t face embarrassment.

Tiptoeing through the hallway, she made her way into the living room to locate her bag. It felt so wrong to walk around Bucky’s house sin panties. She hears steel clashing in the laundry room, startling her. She lets out a small huff of air before pulling out a pair of lace panties from her bag, before sliding them on under the long shirt.

She’s shuffling through her bag when she’s once again startled by Bucky, this time by his voice.

“You’re wearing my shirt.” She whips around quickly with a small yelp, lace bra and t-shirt in hand. Her eyes widen as she realizes what she’s holding, quickly swinging her hands behind her back to hide the garments. He sees them, though, and it relights his fire even more vigorously than before.

“Shit, Bucky.” She lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding as she relaxed under his intense stare. “I’m sorry, I’d forgotten to bring clean clothes with me to the bathroom. I’ll go change right now.” she turns back to her bag to find a pair of pants, laying the garments already in her hand on the couch.

She tenses when she feels a body behind her; a set of hands sliding up her hips, thumbs tracing the outline of her panties over the fabric of her-Bucky’s shirt. She knows his eyes are watching her like a vulture, taking in her legs extending from where his shirt stops, surely imagining what’s hidden underneath. Her breaths come out shaky and she gulps down the lump that has formed in her throat before her eyes flutter closed.

His nose finds its way into her hair, inhaling deeply before exhaling again, his fingers now venturing under the shirt she’s wearing. She feels some kind of warmth spreading where his fingertips graze her skin, just over the fabric of her panties resting on her hip. It’s like his fingers are fire and her hips are timbers – only waiting to be alighted.

“You know…” his voice is still low, just as it was when she encountered him in the bathroom. “I’ve been having a hard time ignoring the looks you’ve sent me.” His fingers slide smoothly from her hip to the middle of her abdomen, slowly tracing small, imaginary circles on her stomach. She shudders under his touch as it brings warmth into her core, and she’s biting her lip to keep a whimper from escaping them.

Bucky was right. She couldn’t deny that she was attracted to him. Who wouldn’t be? He was handsome, funny and so undeniably nice. She wasn’t sure that the attraction she’d felt towards Bucky for the past few years was reciprocated. She was definitely sure now, that his fingertips we’re playing with the hem of her panties.

“Bucky…” Her eyes flutter open as her hand clasps over his, halting his movements from traveling further south. She turns in his arms, facing him, finally taking in his lust blown eyes, his parted lips and the light blush adorning his cheeks. He looks angelic. Young. It makes her heart leap in her chest.

“Tell me you don’t feel it. Tell me this isn’t just something I’m imagining.” His half-lidded eyes search hers in an attempt to ground himself. His right arm comes around her middle to pull her closer, her hands coming up to lay against his chest. She feels the arousal radiating off him. Warmth, and a little further south, hardness.

“Tell me you don’t want me, and I’ll stop.” His face nears hers, and she feels her heart hammering in her chest. Her breath hitches in her throat when she feels his lips caress hers gently. Just a small graze of soft skin against soft skin, his stubble tickling her chin and his hand tightening its hold on her shirt.

It’s cliché to say that she feels fireworks as his lips grazes hers – maybe from the fact that she’s closer to any man other than her father for the first time, or that she’s just been kissed for the first time. The whole thing is making her head spin, and in that moment, she knows what she has to do.

“We can’t. Not yet,” She breathes out, letting her eyes flutter shut. She feels his warm breath fanning over her lips, the arm around her waist going slack and a deep sigh emitting from Bucky’s throat. He was just about to pull away from her when she grips his shirt in her hands.

“I’m sorry Bucky. I just… You’re my dad’s best friend. I could never look him in the eyes again if we…” she trails off, the embarrassment overcoming her. She looks up at him, eyes glossy from the whirlwind of feelings clashing inside of her. “I’ve never… He’s so strict. I’m sorry if I led you on in any way. I’m not used to male attention.”

Bucky lets out a heartless laugh, taking a step back and brushing her hands off him as if their encounter had never happened. His actions confuse her. He surely must have seen the emotional turmoil she just went through?

“You want burger for dinner? I bought this sauce that’s great with the minced beef.” He turns on his heel and leaves the room without saying anything else. Her brows furrows at his behavior. What the fuck just happened? He leaves her dumbfounded in the living room, her confused eyes following his back until he disappears behind a wall.

In the kitchen, Bucky has pulled out everything he needed to make dinner. His jaw tightens as he goes over her refusal yet again. She’s never what? was his first thought. Then all the pieces clicked when she’d said the next sentence. I’m not used to male attention.

Of course, he knew that she had never been with a guy, let alone a man. Her father told him more than enough, and it made a sinister smile spread along his face, as another branch in his plans takes form.

He will get what he wants.

Friday, 6:32pm

She had expected dinner to be an awkward affair. For her it certainly was – but it seemed like nothing had happened just a few hours before on Bucky’s account. He appeared completely unfazed by his previous actions, and it made her shudder, sitting across from him, picking at her burger. She hears his cutlery hit the plate and her eyes shoot up, seeing the empty plate where his burger had been resting less than five minutes prior.

“So, I’m thinking we have some things to talk about.” His voice startles her, since they had eaten in almost complete silence, the only sound during dinner was the cutlery and chewing.

“What things?” she felt nervous as the words left her mouth, letting her gaze fall back to the burger on her plate. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to know. She’d been cooped up in his study since their encounter in the living room, not ready to face him until she had to.

“Firstly, what happened in the bathroom.” Her eyes shot up, his eyes looking directly into hers. Her mouth falls open, before closing again. She feels the blush creeping up into her cheeks. “I find it only fair that you’ve seen me masturbate, and I you, seeing that you did touch yourself in the shower.”

Her eyes widen impossibly more, a lump forming in her throat as she took in his words. “You… You watched me?” She blinked before her eyes sought to her burger yet again, the embarrassment becoming too much. How he had noticed her, was a mystery. Surely, she’d heard him leave, but she hadn’t heard him return. Maybe she was caught up in her thoughts… But she was quiet. Wasn’t she? Was there something he wasn’t-

“I heard you through the door, darling. You’re very loud. You know that, right?” She lets out a shaky breath before standing from her seat, backing a few steps from the table, into the living room. She watches as Bucky rises from his seat as well, following her as she tried to make the space bigger between the two of them.

Bucky looks at her longingly. He had to admit she looked breathtaking, even though she was scared and angry. There was a slight twinkle in her eye though, one of which could be a hope to escape whatever he had in store for her. It dawned on Bucky, that she probably had no idea what he had planned to do to her, and he smirked when her eyes darted around, not being able to focus on anything.

“What is you want from me, Bucky?” Her voice was shaking when she finally spoke. He shook his head with a slight laugh. She must have known by now. He basically told her everything in the living room. Confessed his feelings for her. Admitting without words.

“Oh baby… You’re still so innocent.” Her back hit the wall of his living room, her breath hitching in her throat. He came impossibly closer, caging her up against the wall. “Come on now… We tried this the easy way. Give into me.”

His hand tangled in her hair before he buried his nose in it, inhaling the sweet scent of her shampoo. With a hand tightly fisting her hair, the other found its way under her shirt. She let out a sob as she felt the cup give into Bucky’s pull, the soft flesh of her breast spilling out of the cup.

“Bucky please…” She tried to reason, trying to turn away from his grasp. She felt his hand leave her hair to hold her throat as the hand under her shirt it made its way down her torso, popping the button of her pants.

She froze as his fingers slid into her panties, her eyes widening in surprise. It surprised her that the hold on her neck had the effect on her it did – it scared her as well.

“What are you- no!” she cried out as she felt one of his fingers burying itself into her entrance. Another digit joined the first shortly after, making her gasp. Bucky had her trapped, and he enjoyed it. His hand left her throat and found her cheek, stroking a fallen tear away lovingly while he pushed his fingers deeper into her, his thumb grazing her clit roughly.

“I’ll make you feel good. I promise, baby.” His fingers picked up the pace as she felt a coil tighten in her stomach. She tried to fight the pleasure that was forced upon her, the tears falling from her eyes freely by now. She felt the coil snap, and with a cry she came around Bucky’s fingers reluctantly. Her cunt clenching around his fingers felt like heaven, and at that moment, he was sure this was what heaven felt like.

“Such a good girl. You like that, huh baby?” His breath fanned over her face, the air coming off as cold on her drying cheeks. She shook her head with a sob, sucking in a breath through her nose, even though she desperately wanted to agree.

She felt Bucky retract his fingers from her panties, bringing them to his lips before sucking them into his mouth. Watching his fingers covered in her slick disappearing between his lips made her heart hammer impossibly harder in her chest.

“So goddamn sweet. Like honey, darling. You’re just hiding this sweet pussy, huh?” His filthy words take her aback, and her mouth falls open in shock. She doesn’t know what to say. Baffled, she barely feels when he lifts her by the thighs, carrying her into his bedroom, where he throws her on the bed. As her back collides with his soft covers, she’s finally pulled out of the trance.

“Bucky…” her voice is quivering as his hands tug her pants down her legs, goosebumps rising as she feels his stubble against her thighs, her calves, her feet. His lips trace their way up the inside of her legs, her eyes widening again as she realizes what he’s doing now.

“Bucky, please, don’t!” she whimpers, but to no avail. Bucky buries his nose into her mound, inhaling her scent, just as the words leave her mouth. She whimpers when she realized it feels good, even though it shouldn’t.

“Such a lovely girl… Such a lovely pussy…” His words unsettle her, making her stomach twist. She tries to push at his head with her hands, whining as she feels his teeth nip at her clit. He can feel her panicking underneath him, and it makes him smile.

She feels the fabric tighten against her skin before she hears it tear, and shortly after his mouth latches onto her clit. She silently sobs out, arms and legs thrashing about. His hands push up her legs, at the same time collecting her hands in his, tightening his hold on her. She feels the ability to move becoming harder, and she sobs again out as his tongue flicks her clit harshly.

“Stay still, darling… Or this will get worse.” Her eyes widen as she takes in his words. Worse? What could be worse than this? She was unable to kick him, unable to slap him. She was unable to push him away, unable to stop him from invading her body.

In her haze, she barely registers her climax building before it hits her, making her cry out as ecstasy takes over her body. The muscles in her legs tighten around him, her whole body shaking from the earth-shattering orgasm unlike anything she’s ever felt before. Her mind is in a haze so deep, she could barely tell right from wrong anymore.

Having Bucky in between her legs felt so right, like the two of them fit together as puzzle pieces. At the same time, she knew it was wrong – so wrong. She felt herself thrash around from her oversensitivity; her mind completely detached from her body. Her gaze fell to where Bucky was placed between her legs, and she let out a moan at how sinful he appeared, his pupils blown wide, and a wide grin plastered on his face.

She shivered at the feral look in his eyes as he peppered kisses up her stomach, pushing up her shirt and pulling down her bra, sucking one of her nipples into his mouth. She let out a wanton moan, for a short moment forgetting the situation. His lip around her perked nipples is making her pussy gush with want. She watches as he pulls his shirt over his head, baring his muscular torso to her prying eyes.

“Gonna make you feel so good, baby.” He breathes out against her skin, goosebumps rising on her skin where his breath had hit. “You’re not gonna want any other man than me when I’m done with you.” She feels his hands working in between her legs, her senses kicking in when she realizes his hands are working on unbuttoning his pants.

Tears start streaming down her face again, her head thrashing around, whimpers leaving her mouth as fear takes over her body for real. Her hands come to rest against his shoulders, trying to push him away. “Bucky, please…” she whimpers, trying to restrain him from taking her most sacred possession from her, but to no avail.

With one swift thrust he pushes inside of her. She shuts her eyes tightly, the pain unimaginable. There’s a soaring pain in between her legs, with Bucky’s cock stretching her ever so painfully. She realizes he’s stopped moving, letting her body adjust to him as her walls pulsed around his throbbing member. Whimpers are leaving her mouth, short puffs of breaths landing against the skin of his pectoral muscle.

Bucky smirks triumphantly down at her. Knowing he had been her first stirred something inside him. A sob escaped her as she started to cry audibly, his hands sliding down her sides to grasp her hips in his hands. He locks her legs around his waist, driving himself deeper into her, his thrusts hard and pace increasing. He watches her face through half-lidded eyes, soft groans falling from his lips.

Her walls were milking him, her body begging for him to come. He buries his face into the crook of her shoulder as his thrusts picks up the pace further, uncontrollable and with no rhythm at all. He’s thrusting into her most sensitive spot, earning a few moans from her lips before she’s coming undone around him, her body trembling as her walls convulsed around Bucky’s cock, tears streaming down her cheeks. She feels Bucky burying himself deeply inside her before he’s coming right after her with a load groan.

His hair is tickling her nose – she can smell his scent – pine, fresh air, Bucky. It suddenly felt alright. A sense of calm washes over her, the sense of familiarity making her relax slightly. As she feels him shift on top of her, her mind goes back into freeze mode, her eyes widening as he lifts his torso off hers. The two of them were still connected.

Bucky found her scent intoxicating, and he knew she weren’t done yet. He wasn’t done yet. Her expression turned into fear, unlike anything Bucky had seen before. “Baby, don’t look at me like that…” His voice was sulky, as if he didn’t deserve to attend to her fear.

“We’re nowhere near done yet.”

Fear surged through her body as the words fell from his lips. She didn’t want this. Not again. She wanted to cry and scream for him to stop. She had spilled so many tears already, and her screaming had left her throat dry and hoarse.

“Please Bucky…” Her body was tired, and she was emotionally drained. He shifted on top of her, his hands grasping her ankles and flipping her over before lifting her hips, bringing her to her hands and knees. He got on his knees behind her, just as she pushed her face into the bedsheets, letting out a sob as his hands brushed their way up the skin of her back.

“God you’re so delicate. Like a petal of the most exquisite rose.” She felt his breath on her butt cheeks. She let out a sob, realizing how close he actually was to her most private area. She felt his teeth bite into her left cheek and heard him let out a hum of appreciation.

“So good for me, huh baby?” The sob she let out just seconds before had escalated into full on crying – only lacking tears since she was so tired. She’s begging him to let her go, to stop for now, but she knew he wouldn’t listen. She felt his hands grab at her waist roughly, positioning himself and plunging back inside of her used cunt.

It didn’t even sound like she was screaming. Maybe all it was, was a weak screech and she quickly gave up, letting him have his way with her overly sensitive body. She was still wet – her come and his mixing together inside of her. Bucky used it as makeshift lube, sliding into her easily. Her hands turned into fists as she realized his hold on her hips would make it impossible for her to wiggle away from him.

A soft yelp left her lips as the newfound position made his thrusts seem impossibly deeper. She could hear Bucky hum behind her, compliment her as he took her, letting her know how pleased he was to finally have her. She tried to cancel out the sound of their bodies meeting – wet and slick sounds of his cock plunging its way deeply inside of her, and she gasped as she felt him get rougher again.

He slammed into her, groaning for her to follow him, to come with him, making her cry out. Bucky hit her cervix repeatedly, painfully, again and again until she came a fourth time, her body pulling and clenching around him, begging him to let go, and he came yet again with a loud groan.

He stroked her back lovingly as he almost collapsed against her back, her legs quivering underneath the weight of their bodies. It took Bucky a while to remove himself from her, but when he did, he didn’t hesitate to clean her up thoroughly, making sure she was perfect for him.

“Come on darling, roll over for me.” Bucky commanded, and she simply let out a deep breath and moaned. She couldn’t do it. She didn’t have the strength and the will anymore. All she wanted to do was to hide away from the world. From Bucky.

“Roll over for me.” He said again, this time punctuating all four words, rolling his eyes as she let out a whine in protest. He ended up grabbing her waist and turning her over himself, laying her down before laying down himself and pulling her into his arms.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” his hands slid down the curve of her waist, fingers drawing imaginary circles on her hipbone. She let out a huff before hiding her face in his neck, feeling her eyes wet with tears yet again. They slid down her cheek and landed in the crevice of his collarbone, pooling among droplets of sweat from their sex.

“You did so good, darling. I’m so proud of you.” A wracked sob left her at his words. She felt him bury his nose into her hair, his lips peppering kisses onto her scalp as he softly shushed her, his arms gently rocking her as he let her cry.

“It’s all gonna be okay darling, I’ll take care of you.” With that, she fell into a dreamless slumber.

Saturday, 9:21am

Bucky watched her as the soft morning sun peeked through his curtains, which wasn’t drawn the whole way. Her eyelashes laid softly against her rosy cheeks; her eyelids still puffy from the crying she did last night. His eyes studied her face calmly before traveling down her naked, uncovered body, his head propped up on his arm, his temple laying against his fist.

His eyes fell on her breasts, admiring her perked nipples and the small stretchmarks pointing to the rosy bud. He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, his fingers reaching out to graze the soft skin under her breast. His hand made its way down the curve of her waist, pushing down the covers laying against her skin.

As her navel was revealed, Bucky felt his cock twitch. Images from last night of her body underneath him filled his mind, how good she felt around his cock, how deliciously sinful her moans had filled his ears, how fucking good her slick tasted on his tongue… He was definitely in deep.

How she managed to calm herself down after more than two hours of crying and sobbing through what he had forced upon her, to now look more peaceful and beautiful as ever blew his mind. Her eyelids fluttered before she shifted slightly, her hand coming up to rub at her eyes.

He didn’t fight the want to stroke at her hair, so that’s what he did. He lifted his hand and pushed a strand behind her ear, his thumb stroking her cheekbone afterwards. To Bucky’s surprise she leaned into his touch, a small smile tugging at her lips.

It dawned on him that she, at this moment, wasn’t awake enough to remember what had transpired last night. She stretched her arms in front of her, hands landing against Bucky’s shoulder and pectoral muscles, and her eyes fluttered open quickly as she withdrew her hands hurriedly.

“Bucky?” her voice quivered before her bottom lip started wobbling – her face twisting with realization. Her eyes widened at her undressed state, not fully covered by the covers, and she yanked the fabric up to cover her breasts while sitting up slightly.

“Morning beautiful.” He watched as her muscles tensed before she relaxed slightly. Her lips move on their own accord as she whispers out a morning. “How are you feeling?” His hand came out to grasp hers, and she lets him take it.

“A little bit sore…” his thumb grazes over the back of her hand and she watches it as it slides over the skin, tracing the path of the veins trailing underneath the flesh. “I uh…” She bites her lip as she twists her hand in his, grasping his hands in hers.

“Mhm, what is it darling? Don’t go being all shy on me now” He watched her hand in his, feeling his heart jump slightly, feeling some sort of domestication by looking at her. The words that left her mouth shortly after took him by surprise.

“Can I see it?” she sucked her lip back between her teeth before she let out a giggle. “Your cock?”

Bucky’s mouth fell open at her choice of words before he let the covers slide down his body slowly, revealing his semi-hard cock to her. The sight of it made her inhale sharply, taking in the size of it. She realized she had barely seen it the previous day in the bathroom, since it looked even bigger now. Was that really inside of her last night? Bucky felt a smile tug on his lips as he watched her face, contorted in admiration.

“You can touch it… Come on, I’ll show you how.” He watches as she bites her lip, before the hand that was holding hers tugged her hand down to his cock. She shifts closer to him as her fingers graze over the length of his cock, before gripping the base softly, nimble fingers wrapping around his girth.

His cock is heavy and warm in her hand, pulsing beneath her fingers. It somehow makes her mouth water, and she feels a sudden urge to do more than just jerk Bucky off. She doesn’t give into the temptation though, deciding that this should be enough for now. She hears Bucky suck in a breath as he watches her.

“Just like that, move your hand up and down slowly, maybe tighten your grip a little bit… when you get to the head…” She did as he told her, watching as her fingers pulls the foreskin down, before coming back up to the head of his cock. Her head whips around as she hears a groan leave his lips.

His eyes were hooded, watching her movements, eyes scanning over her body, before coming up to her face. “God you’re beautiful…” She tightened her hand further, quickening her movements. She looked into his eyes and held his gaze as she pumped his cock. There was something in his eyes – she couldn’t quite place what she saw. She watched as his brows furrowed, his eyes fluttering closed, his breath coming out heavier and another groan spilling from his lips.

She twisted her head just as she felt his cock tense in her hand, watching the way white ropes of cum landing against the skin of his stomach, some pooling into his bellybutton, along with another strangled groan falling from his lips. Her lips tugged into a smile, his hand coming up to grasp the back of her neck, pulling her into a deep, heavy kiss.

She felt the same feeling as she did just under a day earlier, when he had kissed her in the living room. Sparks flying, undeniably. As her lips parted from his, he smiled. His eyes scanned over her reddened cheeks before trailing over her lips, pulling back from her to give her space.

“What would you like for breakfast, baby?” The words were softly spoken, and she smiled as he sat up slightly, awaiting your answer. She shrugged her shoulders lightly, not really sure if she was in the mood to eat something. Her stomach was still a bit uneasy from the events of yesterday, but she managed to get out the word smoothie, along with her best doe-eyes.

After Bucky rolled out of bed and left his bedroom to clean himself up and make her breakfast, she let out a celebratory sigh and fell back against one of his pillows. She hoped that her efforts in seeming interested in his actions would help, so he wouldn’t force her into things she didn’t want.

She leaned over the edge of the bed and grabbed the discarded shirt, pulling it over her head. She quietly padded over to her bag, pulling the whole bag into her arms and walking to the bathroom, before locking herself in. She stepped into the shower stall, turning the water on and twisting the handle, feeling the water getting warmer and warmer, up until the point where it was scalding her skin.

She whimpered before fully submerging herself underneath the searing water, scrubbing the insides of her thighs violently until she felt the skin grow sore and sensitive. She sobbed out as her fingers came into contact with her sensitive folds, washing away the remains of what Bucky had done to her the night before.

Just as she thought of him, she felt her heart drop in her chest when she heard a knock on the bathroom door. She hadn’t even heard him approaching, and now he was just outside the door. She silently begged that he wouldn’t speak or ask her for anything, but it seemed like luck wasn’t on her side today either.

“Baby, breakfast’s ready.” She felt the goosebumps of disgust run down her back, even though the water was still burning her skin. Just the sound of his voice made her uncomfortable, made her guts turn uncomfortably in her stomach, which made her regret once again ever coming here with him in the first place.

“Baby?” He knocked again, making her heart clench in her chest before she answered him quietly that she was almost done, before she turned off the water, rubbing her body roughly with one of the towels laid out in one of the cabinets.

“Just a second.” She took a look in the mirror and gasped as she noticed the bruises littering her neck, arms, stomach, thighs. She had no idea how she was going to hide them from her parents. She scrambled through her bag, pulling out as many covering pieces of clothing she could possibly muster before covering up her body.

Saturday, 10:08am

When she entered the kitchen, the delicious smell of pancakes filled her nostrils and she sighed in content. She took in the table – Bucky had placed all of her favorite fruits in separate bowls and made her a smoothie. The pancakes were even chocolate chip. She felt both agitated and sure of herself, until the second she sat down.

“So, I was really your first, huh?” Was the first question that left Bucky, a smirk plastered on his face. She felt the redness fill her cheeks before she nodded, not really wanting to engage in a conversation with him. She grabbed a handful of blueberries, stuffing them into her mouth and chewing on the sweet fruits.

“You know… The way your body reacted to how I fucked you… How you moaned… Cried out my name… How your tight pussy strangled my cock…” Bucky smirked as he grabbed his cup of coffee, bringing it to his lips before blowing on the surface, gently. “Could get used to that.”

She felt her heart pick up its pace in her chest, hammering against her ribcage as she sat stiff with her hands in her lap, too embarrassed to look at him. She fought her embarrassment though and looked up to where he was sitting through her lashes – he was exploring his molars with his tongue with his eyebrow cocked, watching her. Smug son of a bitch.

“You shouldn’t be so nervous, darling. Dig in! I made everything you asked for while you were hiding in my bathroom. You could at least appreciate the effort.”

Her eyes shot down, not wanting to meet his. The tone in his voice made her shiver. She reluctantly reached out and grabbed the smoothie off the table, bringing the straw to her lips before sucking the sweet fluid into her mouth. The taste of strawberry and blackberry lingered on her tastebuds, along with a tangy flavor she had trouble placing. She looked up at Bucky again.

“Bucky… I think I would like to go home today.” She shivered as she thought about what happened last night. What could happen again. She feared it would. She took another sip of the smoothie followed by another, and placed it on the table, truly hoping Bucky would give in and let her go.

She was wrong.

His smile was wide as he watched her drink more than half of the smoothie, just waiting for the triazolam to take its toll on her nervous system. He knew the pills for his incurable insomnia would come in handy someday, and he mentally high fived himself as he noticed her getting groggier.

“This should solve your sleeping problem, Mr. Barnes. I wouldn’t normally advise for this, but if you’re in need of a faster effect, crush them into some water and ingest it shortly before going to bed.”

And that was exactly what Bucky had done when making her smoothie. The remains of the white powder in the porcelain mortar resting in the sink was the only evidence of his scheme at this point. He had everything planned – down to the last detail. Everything he had to do by the time she would wake up from her pill-induced sleep.

“You know, darling, there’s so much I want to show you. To teach you.” Bucky slowly got out of his chair, picking a few fruits from the bowls, before chucking them into his mouth. “That’s why I need you to stay here, with me. Until we die.”

“Bucky, I… what’s happening?” she looked up at him with fearful eyes, her sight blurring Bucky into a blob of dark and fair tones before returning back to being clear as day. “I’m scared. Please.”

“You’re gonna sleep for a little bit,” he crouched down beside her chair and her eyes widened as her brain caught up with what her ears were hearing. “But I’ll make sure to take good care of you while you’re sleeping, I promise.” She felt his hand wipe a stray piece of hair from her face, pushing it behind her ear before he placed a kiss on her cheek.

Everything went black before her eyes, and her head landed heavily in Bucky’s hands. He watched as her eyes rolled around in her head, unable to focus on anything before finally falling closed, a sigh escaping her lips.

Bucky lifted her out of the chair gently, admiring her soft features before walking her to his bedroom. Her soft breathing was warm against his neck as he held her in his arms, one of the only things letting her know she was still sentient. He laid her on the bed carefully before beginning to rid her of all the clothes she had hidden herself in.

“Oh, you silly girl… Trying to hide from me. Trying to get me to let you go…” he carefully tugged down her jeans, throwing them on the floor. He lifted her leg off the bed, placing a kiss on top of her foot. His eyes follow the length of her legs, all the way up her body. Her beautiful body. “I’ll never let you go. You’re mine now.”

Saturday, ?

She let out a small groan before turning on to her back – or so she thought. Her eyes flew open before she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes – or tried to. She groggily looked up at her hand and let out a gasp when she found it fixated to the bedpost. She whipped her head around and found the other fastened likewise, letting out a tiny whimper.

She clenched her fists, giving the restraints another tug but to no avail. She lifted her head slightly, looking around, and let out another whimper when she noticed she was in Bucky’s bedroom yet again. She shivered when she heard his voice, coming from behind her.

“So, you’re finally awake. Took you long enough, darling.” she gasped when she felt his fingers slide through her folds and into her wet cunt. It felt different than the last time he did it, though. Like something was in the way. It felt good, though.

“You know, it’s actually quite impressive how the human body reacts to arousing touch. I’ve been toying with your clit for more than an hour, drawing a few orgasms from you and you’re still just as responsive… So, I wanted to try something new.”

She gasped when she felt his fingers swirl themselves inside her and then against the back of her tight cunt. Her eyes widened as her mind suddenly cleared itself enough for her to feel the expansion of her tight ring of muscle. She struggled to move her legs, giving up when she realized they were tied to the foot of the bed, spread wide.

“For someone who was a virgin in both holes just yesterday, I have to say I’m impressed. It’s like your pussy was made for my cock… I can’t wait to fuck this tight ass of yours… To see if it’s just as good as your cunt.”

Her eyes widened as she felt his hand leave the warmth of her pussy, swirling around the gem of the butt plug seated snugly within her tight rim. She gasped loudly when she felt Bucky slowly retracting the plug, not letting the widest part pass the rim before pushing the plug back in. She let out a wanton moan as it fell back into place.

“I’m gonna fuck your pussy while this plug is filling you up, and then I’m gonna fuck your tight ass…” She heard Bucky slide down the mattress before his lips found her soaking cunt, emitting a loud moan from her. Her mind was still hazy from her slumber, she struggled with finding the words for a few moments. “Yeah, you like that?”

“Bucky…” she whimpered weakly as a surge of pleasure shot through her veins. “Please don’t, Buck…” She had trouble focusing on anything, she wasn’t sure where Bucky’s lips lingered anymore. She registered the rip of a foil packet, and just after, she felt the thickness of Bucky’s cock filling her slick pussy to the limit.

“Fuck, that’s a good girl…” Bucky moans loudly as he bottoms out, the pressure from the plug in her ass straining against his cock. He leans down and peppers a string of kisses on her cheek, admiring her as her mouth hung open, short puffs of breaths pushing their way past her plump lips.

Her eyes are shut tightly, her eyebrows drawing a thin line between pleasure and pain. As of that moment, he can’t tell which is which. Tears are slowly framing her eyes, though still not giving the emotion away.

“Oh my god,” she breathes, and Bucky bites his lips to restrain himself, but the intoxicating way her pussy grasps his cock tightly, the sweet pink gem resting just above his cock has his mind spiraling into pleasure. He grabs her hips and thrusts into her harshly, pushing the tears out of her eyes and the cries out of her mouth with every thrust.

His hips slam against hers within a few thrusts, and it’s making her see stars. His cock is grazing her most sensitive places with every thrust, and everything seems to blacken before her eyes as hot floods shoot through her veins, her orgasm so intense her whole body is shaking.

She herself doesn’t know whether it was in pleasure or in pain either, but it was definitely something in between. She had never felt a feeling so indescribably enormous; she had never felt so full. She whimpered when Bucky pulled himself out of her, eyes widening as she came back to herself, feeling the plug being retracted slowly.

“I can’t hold back darling, fuck you make it so hard…” she gasped when the plug slid out easily, whimpering as she felt liquid smear against her fluttering, sensitive ring of muscle, the coolness slithering down between her sensitive lips, staining the mattress below her.

She bites her lip harshly as she feels the tip of Bucky’s cock prod against her tightening rim. It was a whole other feeling than the plug. Where the plug was cold and somewhat hard, Bucky’s cock was warm, wide and rigid. She clenches her jaw as his cock breaches her, the sting unlike anything she had ever felt before.

“Come on baby, let me hear you…” Bucky gritted through his teeth, just beside her ear. She clenches her jaw even tighter, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of letting him hear the effect he had on her. The breaths she sucked in through her nose were uneven and ragged, the pain caused by his cock almost unbearable.

“Fucking relax, baby… You’re just making it harder for yourself…” She didn’t know how deep he was inside of her and she didn’t wanna know either. She had never felt dirtier than she did in this exact moment, and she shut her eyes tightly, wishing herself invisible. She felt his hands grasp a butt cheek each, before spreading them apart, thrusting his hips, slowly entering her deeper.

“That’s it baby…” she whined as she felt his hips still against hers, his pelvis resting snugly between her spread cheeks. His mouth found her ear and she whimpered as the next words that left his lips sunk in. “Such a good slut for me, taking all of my cock in her tight ass…”

His hand moved around her hip, squeezing itself between her body and the mattress, sliding down in between her legs where her soaking pussy had been abandoned. His fingers swirled around the bundle of nerves, the small jolts of his thrusts mixing with the pleasure from his fingers pushing her over the edge.

She let out a scream as she came around his cock, her ass gripping him tighter than he had ever felt before in his life. Out of all the women he had ever fucked, she was by far the tightest he had ever experienced. Her whole body shook beneath him, hands tightly fisting the bedsheets as her ass strangled his cock, begging for him to release his seed within.

Bucky’s cock felt so massive as she tried to come down from her startling high, the jolts of her body seemingly calming down slightly. “Bucky please… You’re too big, I can’t…” she cried out as her oversensitivity took over, trying to push the foreign intrusion out. His movements stung against her sore ring of muscle, making her wail further.

Bucky ignored her pleas and pushed his hips tighter against hers before retracting himself halfway, pushing in again. He groaned into her ear as he fucked her ass, showing her no mercy as he searched for his own release. He cursed out as he found the angle unable to grant him what he so desperately longed for.

He untied her right leg first, followed by the left before bringing her knees under her body, to fuck her in his favorite position. She whined as he pulled out of her ass completely, before leaning down to lick a firm stripe through her folds. She didn’t know how he managed to make her feel as dirty as he did, but it was amplified even further when he spat at her ass.

He cursed behind her at the sight of her, and shortly after she felt another wet dollop of lube slither between her cheeks. He easily slid his cock back into her ass, sighing out as her warmth once again engulfed his cock completely. He was never, ever going to let her go. Not when she could make him feel like this by just fucking her.

His release came just as quickly as she had hoped. Within three more strokes, he buried himself to the hilt, bit her earlobe harshly and spilled himself into the condom. She felt the pulsing of the convulsions in his cock more prominently in her ass, and she distracted herself from the pain by counting every spurt of his cum that landed within the latex with every jerk of his cock.

“Good girl.” He whispered as he gripped around his cock, securing the condom before pulling out of her, slowly. She whimpered as he left her body, and he groaned at the sight of her ring of muscle fluttering and contracting around nothing.

Bucky slid off the bed after pulling the condom off, tying the end and left for the bathroom. She felt a tear escape her eye as she pushed her legs back to lie flat before lifting her head, turning it to look in the direction of the bathroom. Bucky emerged with a damp towel, in all his naked glory, walking over to her with a victorious smirk.

“You did so good my darling… Such a good obedient girl for her daddy.” He talked sweet nonsense as he cleaned between her legs. She hissed as the damp cloth came in contact with her swollen ass, and again when he swiped it between her folds, gathering her slick. “Have you changed your mind yet, darling? Or do I need to teach you another lesson?”

She looked up at him with wide eyes, sucking her lip in between her teeth. “Changed my mind about what?”

She felt a hard slap on her butt. “Don’t play dumb, baby. It’s not a good look on you. You know exactly what I’m talking about.” She whimpers as his hand grazes along the angry, red protrusion of the skin where his hand had landed.

“Please, I want to go home Bucky.” She whimpered, closing her eyes as she felt the tears flow freely from her eyes. She felt another harsh slap against har already sensitive skin, then another.

“Wrong answer.”

“Bucky you can’t keep me locked up here forever!” She cried out, tugging on the restraints again, with what little power she had left after what he had just put her through, and the grogginess from the drugs, still in her system. Bucky leaned all the way into her ear, whispering out yet another sinister thing, that made her whole body crumble in fear.

“If that’s what it takes.”

He left her then, only pulling the sheet over her ass to cover her private parts. She didn’t know how long she spent in his bed, tied up like some animal. She could hear him somewhere in the house, humming along to some tune playing on the radio, which she couldn’t make out.

She was getting cold, falling asleep sporadically along with goosebumps rising on her skin as silent tears slid down her cheeks into the pillow. She felt exposed and used. Used by a man she trusted with her life. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. She imagined that she could’ve been wrapped up in her comforter at home, watching some boring Netflix series instead of laying tied up here.

She felt scared. Even more scared than she’d felt just after Bucky had violated her for the first time. She’d never felt so helpless before, and it made her even more scared of what Bucky would do to her if he got the chance. It was getting dark out, and she knew that it would either improve or deteriorate her chances of escaping. She didn’t know where to escape to, though.

She knew she had to get out of his house as soon as possible. She knew she had to get in contact with her parents somehow, despite the fact that she didn’t want to anymore. She didn’t know where her phone had ended up in all of this mess, but she knew Bucky usually slept with his by the bed. Either she could wait for that opportunity, or she could try to escape.

She wiggled her toes slightly, trying to get some of the blood down there again. She twisted her knees slightly, trying to pull them up under her again. She thanked the heavens that she was flexible when she managed to pull her right knee up under her, followed by the other.

She slowly rose to her knees, sitting back on her ass. She looked towards the door, cracked open slightly. The faint smell of something cooking filled her nostrils and she heard her stomach rumbling. She had no recollection of when she last had something to eat.

It was this morning, that much she knew. But she didn’t know what time it was by now. How long she’d been out, how long he’d been in the bedroom with her, how long she’d been laying there alone.

She took in the expert knots that had her hands tied to the headboard, reminding her that her dad and Bucky had served in the military together, and that they both had some knowledge about rope and knots. They’d even taught her some, so she could easily make out which one he’d tied her up with.

The double constrictor knot tied twice on both her wrists made her eyes fill with tears yet again. There was no way she would be able to pull the knots open with her teeth. Yet she found herself trying. And… on top of that, she really needed to pee.

She examined the knot before slowly making out the placement of the ends and where they were cut off. She reached forward and trapped one loop in between her teeth, pulling slightly. She sighed happily when she felt it give in, and she pulled one end through easily. Way too easily.

She repeated the action one more time, pulling the end over and through on the other side, one knot coming completely undone. She nodded at herself when the first rope fell to the pillow under her, making everything seem a little bit easier.

Three more to go.

She prayed that Bucky didn’t make an appearance, otherwise she’d be fucked. She leaned forward and examined the next knot on the same wrist, leaning forward when she located the end of it.

She winced when the ropes on the wrist she wasn’t working on tugged the rash on her skin even deeper. She needed to get out of there, and she needed to get out of there now. Panic settled in her stomach when she heard footsteps from somewhere in the house, tears spilling out of her eyes yet again.

“Come on, come on…” the knot finally gave in and she breathed out in relief, grinning slightly when her fingers started loosening the knots on her other wrist. She was so close to freeing her wrist, so close to relief from emptying her bladder… So close to escaping from Bucky.

“Baby…” She instantly freezes when she hears his voice from the door. “What are you doing?” She lets out a breath, feeling the tears re-wetting the paths on her cheeks that had dried earlier. Her cheeks redden, embarrassed that he’s caught her.

“Bucky, I…” she starts, turning her head slowly to look at him. He’s standing in the doorway with a tray of food for her, for them. How had she not noticed the amazing smell filling the room much earlier? How long had he even been standing there? She was so caught up in escaping she hadn’t even heard him.

She’s not sure whether the words that leave her mouth are just plain stupid or smart. Either way, his eyes soften just a bit when she speaks. “I just really have to pee.” She watches as he puts down the tray on his bedside table before he leans forward, loosening the remaining knots.

“Why didn’t you just call for me, baby? I would’ve come and helped you so you wouldn’t tear your lips like that.” His thumb grazes her lip, making her wince slightly. She hadn’t noticed the skin being mangled from the roughness of the rope. “Jesus baby, you look awful.”

She winces again when his fingers glide over her cheekbone, before they help her loosen the last knots around her wrists. She slides off the bed with a whimpering thank you, her legs slightly unstable as she staggers her way to the bathroom. She shuts the door softly before finally getting the relief she’s been craving.

Once finished, she tries for the small window in the bathroom. She knows she isn’t going to fit through, but she’s trying anyway. The window doesn’t budge, even when all laches are off and clattering against the glass. She knows Bucky can hear her from the bedroom, but at this point she doesn’t care.

“Come on. Dinner is ready.” His voice is just on the other side of the door, letting her know just how close he was. By the looks of it, there was no way she was ever going to be left alone again. Her foot slipped from her getting dizzy when she stepped on the bathmat to wash her hands, causing her to let out a yelp.

The door was yanked open just as she steadied herself against the marble countertop, catching Bucky’s eyes in the mirror when she looked up. Traces of nervousness swirled in his eyes, and she wondered why. “Jesus, I thought you hurt yourself, baby.”

He watched her every move as she washed her hands, dried them off before throwing them around her body, shielding her still naked body from him. He observed the way goosebumps littered her arms and legs, making his heart clench in his chest. He swiftly manhandled her into a t-shirt, before handing her a pair of panties.

He watched as she slid them on weakly, before grabbing her hand and leading her back to the bed. “Come on,” he spoke softly, as he sat her down and placed the tray in front of her, urging her to eat by bringing a forkful of food to her lips. “You need your strength.” She squeezed her lips together, not fully trusting him with her food since the incident this morning.

“Don’t worry.” He grabbed her hand, his thumb sliding over the soft skin, “It’s just food this time. No drugs.” She looked up at him doe-eyed, desperately trying to just have him leave her. She purses her lips again. “I trust you, baby.”

“I’m not hungry.” She whispered out, pulling her hand from his gently before scooting back just a bit on the bed, to get further away from him. Her stomach grumbled in that moment, letting him know how much of a lie that was. She was starving.

He grabs her jaw, forcing her lips apart before shoving the food in between them. “You eat when I tell you to eat.” He’s somewhat grumpy, it’s easy to see. There’s a glint remorse in his eyes, but she doesn’t believe that he regrets anything he’s put her through. She chews languidly, all while her eyes are trained on her hands in her lap.

“Am I going to have to force feed you, or will you eat on your own accord? Because I don’t care what you choose.” She looks up at him and watches as he scoops another dollop of food onto the fork, bringing it to her lips. She carefully swallows the food already in her mouth before opening up for him to feed her. “Good girl.”

It continues like that, with Bucky taking a few bites in between feeding her. It makes her calm to see him eat from the same portion of food as her, letting her know that he was telling the truth when he made her eat the first bite. No drugs.

He brings the straw resting in a glass of water to her lips after setting the plate back on the tray. She eyes his hands, inspecting the glass intensely. He sighs and rolls his eyes yet understanding her actions. He knows she’s afraid of him, he knows she doesn’t trust her right now.

He brings the straw to his own lips and sucks the cold fluid into his mouth before swallowing, letting her know that the water was safe to ingest as well. She exhales slowly before taking the glass from him, emptying it in one go. She was truly thirsty.

“What time is it?” she tries softly, afraid that Bucky thought she didn’t need to know, since he had no plans of ever letting her go. She’s looking for any sign indicating that he’s carrying his phone. He eyes her for a while, his eyes squinting for just a moment. She looked breathtaking as she sat there, fiddling her fingers.

“Why do you want to know?” She knew it. He’s still watching her, trying to look through her, into her head to figure out what she’s thinking. She tries her best to appear unfazed, just wanting him to tell her the goddamn time.

She feels lost in a whole new way, with the conception of time stripped from her as well. It makes her uneasy on a whole other level. “I just… Wanna know if it’s time for dessert.” She whispers, still afraid to say much. She waits for his reaction anxiously, another wave of uneasiness overcoming her.

Bucky laughs. He actually laughs at her. She furrows her brows as she watches his shoulders shake with every puff of laughter. “You don’t need to know the time…” he has a hard time getting the words out through his laughter, yet he speaks again shortly after.  “Desserts,” he smiles as he turns his head toward her, eyes taking in her serious expression. He smiles warmly at her. “What do you want for dessert?”

“You tell me the time; I tell you what I want for dessert.” He raises his eyebrow at her demand, not really expecting it. She doesn’t know where the surge of confidence came from. She just wanted to know the damn time. Somewhere deep within her, she’s still wondering if he is going to let her go the following day.

“Feisty now, aren’t you?” He jokingly says, well knowing she was, still is, afraid of him. He bites the inside of his cheek, contemplating her offer before he slowly draws out his phone before showing her the time. 9:21pm. So, she had been tied up in his bedroom the whole day. She watched as he pushed it back into his pocket, away from her prying eyes.

“So, darling… You wanted dessert?” he turns back to her and she has shuffled closer to him in the midst of his lack of attention. Her hand reaches out to caress his cheek, startling him. She smiles softly, she doesn’t even know why.

In one way, she wanted to get out of his house as soon as humanly possible but… She found herself not wanting to. Her thoughts were conflicting within her head, confusing her even more than previously. Maybe she just had to play pretend for now, and he would let her go tomorrow?

She found herself slowly losing herself within her thoughts. She had so many conflicting ones, her mind in a flurry about which ones to focus on. Everything came to her while admiring him through her lashes. Every emotion she’s ever felt for him, every memory she had with him. “Yeah. I want you.”

Without words she rises, initiating the contact between them herself. She didn’t know how or why, but she found herself reaching out for his hand. It felt a little alien, but good, nonetheless. It was clear to her that he was taken aback by her actions. She silently straddles his thighs, her ass resting on his knees as she pushes him back to lay against the bed. “I want to do this on my own.” she starts while pulling the shirt over her head.

“You took the choice from me yesterday, and I don’t think that’s fair. Do you?” the sudden surge of confidence in her takes him aback, and he’s laying motionlessly against the mattress, just watching her undress herself on top of him.

He watches as her hands slide over her breasts and down her stomach, teasing him slightly as she snaps the elastic band of her panties against the skin on her hip. She feels him harden underneath her within second of the fabric leaving her torso, and she revels in it.

She was deeply in love with Bucky Barnes. No matter how he wronged her, abused her, used her - she loves him. Maybe she was delusional but having him underneath her set her nerves on fire. She had finally gotten what she wanted.

There was nothing standing in the way of her and Bucky’s relationship anymore. She wasn’t afraid anymore. She was going to give into him, and she was going to enjoy it.

All it had taken, was one small flaw in Bucky’s plan. He’d let it slip, and he wasn’t even aware of it.

Saturday, 03:22am

Opening the messages app on his phone, she quickly searches through the different messages before opening the one with her dad. She knew exactly who she had to call for help. Yet she found something that made her blood turn to ice in her veins. Or, it felt like that, at least.

She couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Slowly, the tears started burning in her eyes, making her vision blurry. The light from his phone blinded her slightly, and she found herself wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, a sob getting stuck in her throat. She just couldn’t believe it.

Right there, on his phone, was a conversation between him and her dad. Her own dad. Her stomach turned as she read through the messages, chest heaving as she tried to calm her erratic breaths.

Steve: You got her calmed yet?

Bucky: No, still squirming and crying. Hoping that she’ll calm down soon.

Bucky: Jesus, she got some lungs on her. I can’t wait to do everything I’ve planned to do to her tomorrow.

Steve: Good. Ruin her. Make sure she doesn’t get away. We need that money.

Bucky: If not, I’ll do what’s necessary. Even though I really don’t want to. You know how I feel about her.

Steve: I couldn’t care less. She isn’t mine anyways.

Her brows furrowed as she read one of the last messages over and over again. What the hell did he mean that I wasn’t his? She felt a strong hand clasp around the wrist of her hand that held the phone in it, forcing a small scream past her lips. She hadn’t even heard Bucky wake up.

“What are you doing?” His eyes were dark and hooded. They were also full of sleep, and she knew he was happy she was still in bed next to him, else she would’ve fallen off the bed. She looked at him through the blue light of the phone, trying to come up with a quick lie to throw him off in his sleepy haze.

“I was just looking at the time.” she tried carefully, the flow of tears drying out slowly. She was shocked, to say the least, but she wouldn’t let him know that she knew... “I usually wake up at night and I always try to track my sleeping pattern…” she had no idea what to say.

She couldn’t believe what she had just read. What did her dad mean? She isn’t mine anyways… The message kept resonating in her head. He huffed and grabbed the phone, turning away from her and resuming his slumber.

Saturday, 9:23pm

She crawled off his lap, standing over him as she undid his pants with quick movements. He lifted his hips to aid her in taking them off, his mind still trying to catch up to what was happening. His boxers followed soon after, his naked glory exposed to her yet again, only this time it was different.

Her hand grasps his cock, giving it a few tugs before she’s closing her lips around the head. He stutters out a moan intertwined with her name, his hands flying into her hair to ground himself. Where the sudden urge to have her lips around his cock was fulfilled, he still didn’t know what she was doing.

All he knew was that it felt heavenly. Her mouth was warm and inviting, her cheeks feeling warm and velvety as she hollowed them against his length. She sucked more than half of his cock into her mouth, causing a deep groan to spill from his lips.

Her hand wrapped around what she couldn’t fit in her mouth, and she slowly stroked his shaft while swirling her tongue around the enlarged head of his cock. She felt his hand tighten in her hair, a string of groans falling from his lips.

The hand that wasn’t wrapped around him pushed the panties off her hips languidly and she slowly rose to her feet, still bent over with her lips around his cock. She releases him with a pop, fluttering kisses along his toned abdomen and up his chest before she straddles his hips, gliding the wetness between her legs over the length of him.

His hands find her hips, both his thumbs rubbing circles into her hips, his head thrown back in pleasure. This pleasure is so different than it’s been previously, it’s so full of emotion for him and possibly also from her. It feels tremendously different from all the other times. His head shifts forward and admires her with hooded eyes before they flutter closed.

When she finally sinks down onto his cock with a strained expression, he feels everything shift within him. It’s like the whole orbit of the world changes. She’s struggling with his size, whimpering as she slowly sinks further down onto him. She falls forward, her hands landing just beside his face and he groans out, his eyes slowly reopening to look at her on top of him.

Her cheeks are flushed pink, her eyes prickling with tears and her bottom lip tugged in between her teeth, desperately trying to accommodate to his size. She’s shifting just a little bit, trying to ease the pain between her hips.

Her hand slid under his neck and grasped the short hairs there, closely followed by her lips meeting his. Her hips grinds over his, their lips gliding over each other’s messily, their tongues dancing together. Her soft pants mixed with his, his hands sliding up to rest on her lower back, guiding her gently.

“Oh, Bucky…” she whispers, and he isn’t sure whether or not he’s dreaming. It feels surreal that she’s moaning his name,it makes him twitch inside of her to finally hear his name spill from her lips that way. Hearing her moan his name combined with the tightness of her heat pushes him further and further towards his impending orgasm.

Her walls clench around him and she whimpers ever so sweetly. He knows she’s close. She just needs the final push. She’s still grinding her hips against his, so he angles them slightly for her clit to rub over his pelvic bone.

It doesn’t take more than a few strokes for her orgasm to overtake her, blinding her vision with black spots and making every hair on her body rise. It feels amazing this time around - with herself being in charge of her pleasure.

He’s close - so close - but if there’s one thing he doesn’t want to do right now, it’s to do something she doesn’t want to, however ambivalent that sounds. He restrains himself or tries to. Her hips are still drawing circles over his, and it’s driving him crazy.

“Cum in me,” she whispers in her haze, and she feels his hands tighten on her hips, his pants filling her ears as he empties his load inside of her. She feels at it trickles down around his length still embedded in her heat as she collapses on top of him, laying her head on his chest.

She slowly comes down from euphoria, relaxing into his arms coming around her to rub over her back. Everything slowly comes back to her, settling within her body. The lovestruck haze she has been in for the past half hour, is slowly coming to an end.

She slowly removes herself from on top of him, his seed trailing down her legs as she makes her way to the bathroom to clean herself. He finds her under the shower, quietly entering the stall behind her. She’s caught up in her thoughts, just standing under the stream of water with her arms wrapped around herself.

“I know what you saw last night. I didn’t want you to find out the way you did. We were supposed to be happy together. Live happily, and you would forget everything about everyone. Just you and me, here.” His body was barely against her back before he was pulling her trembling body back into his arms. She hadn’t even realized she was shaking until then.

“You didn’t want me to find out what, exactly?” She tried softly, jaw trembling uncomfortably at the other things he had said. “How are we ever to live happily?” She didn’t know what Bucky expected of her. There was just something she couldn’t imagine. She turned in his arms, looking up at him.

“You’re going to have to promise me that you won’t react poorly to what I’m about to tell you.” Bucky tried carefully, and she felt everything fall apart in the seconds following the words leaving his mouth. How could she not react to anything? “I shouldn’t be the one telling you this, but…”

Tell her what?! Just two days prior she’d been living contently with her parents, and here, a mere 46 hours later… Everything had changed. She watched his face as he searched for the words, his thoughts conflicting visibly in his face.

“Steve… He isn’t your father.” Bucky started, and she felt her heart fall further into her chest. That hurt. “Your mother had someone else around the time you were conceived. Steve has taken a paternity test, and it’s true.” She felt the tears rise to her eyes yet again mixing with the water from the shower, both from the betrayal of Bucky but also from her parents.

“This has all been set up so Steve can claim you as dead. To get money from the insurance company.” He hides his face with his hand, visibly upset that everything has fallen apart. Everything has certainly not worked out the way it was supposed to. “But I’ve changed my mind. I can’t do this to you.”

“But you’ve already done it...” She whispered, before taking his hand in hers. “What changed?” She cradled his face in her other hand, watching him intently as he rubs his hand over his face. It leaves red marks in its wake, letting her know just how hard he’s rubbing the skin.

“We need to make sure he doesn’t get that money” Bucky grabs her face with his hands in an instant, his eyes searching hers intensely. He thinks over her question, licking his lips before he answers.

“Nothing changed. Even though I wanted this to start with, I never even considered getting rid of you. I want you to know that I’ve never looked at you wrongly before you were legal. I couldn’t bring myself to it, even though I knew you weren’t Steve’s. I never ever wanted to hurt you. Because I love you.”

She sighs and for a short while closes her eyes. A few seconds pass where he’s just watching her.

Then one side of her lips tug up into a smirk, before she’s looking at him with a mischievous look in her eyes. They both know what they have to do.

Then she speaks, instantly letting him know that everything is settled between the two of them.

“I love you. Let’s do it.”