#this was also a problem in ME3 depending on who you ask

[shyfrog-says]

MEAndromeda Pro: Interesting and creative main story.

MEAndromeda Con: The pacing suffers because so much of the game is over-padded with b-plots and side quests.

[jasonntodd]

Hi, I'm sorry if you've addressed this somewhere already but what happened to your Mass Effect mods on Nexusmods? I was just about to download your practical bodies mod when I noticed they were hidden. Just wondering if you hide them while you update or if you were overhauling your mod pages? I adore your mods for ME3 :]

hi! i’m flattered and thank you for liking my mods. i’ll use your ask as an announcement for those who are following me for mass effect modding - i hope that’s okay.

thank you to everyone who has supported and downloaded my mods these past few months. i’m forever grateful for the support, even though there were definitely moments that made me extremely sad and upset due to the hateful and misogynistic/homophobic/transphobic comments i would receive on my mods. while not the reason for my hiatus, i have to say, who knew buff women would trigger so many people? it certainly hasn’t helped getting the amount of hate these past few months. but modding definitely helped me (or at the very least, distracted me) during the last couple of months which have been extremely rough for me mentally, so i’m grateful to have discovered it and through it, the amazing community.

however, due to reasons i’m going to be taking an impromptu hiatus for a little because im feeling pretty conflicted due to it. i know this is sudden but i’ll still be active on my tumblr like always and my ao3 for those who follow me for my stories, so you guys can send me asks and whatnot and i’ll answer. if you’ve followed me for a little, you’ll know i love to just shitpost and reblog things and tumblr has been a safe space for me for a very long time - but i’m taking all of my mods off nexus bc i’m not comfortable with keeping them up for the time being. some things have happened behind the scenes and i personally don’t want to keep them up right now because it’s upsetting - i know i posted some WIPS over the past few days and they were exactly that, but due to said issues that just happened those will have to remain in limbo as i figure some things out.

things might change of course and i may bring the mods back sooner rather than later, depending fully on how i’m feeling at the moment, but until i’m comfortable enough to do so, they’ll remain hidden. i really do apologize for the inconvenience. if you want the mod, i have no problems sending it to you if you message me off anon. this also goes for anyone else as well!

thanks always for your support; it definitely meant the world to me.

[crqstalite]

video game questionnaire :)

tagged by @greencrusader13 ! might be a little disappointed because anything i’ve posted recently (ME, DA + SWTOR) are the only games I’ve ever played. i know, i’m a gaming baby but i’m getting there lol.

Rules: Fill in your answers below and tag some buddies!

Games

First game you ever played: I want to say World of Warcraft. I was born a few months after it was released [it’ll be 16 before I am :( ] and my parents absolutely loved it throughout my childhood. They stopped playing retail a while back, but they got me into it back during Mists of Pandaria. I don’t play it anymore (no real reason other than that except for one time, I’ve been locked to free to play since I picked it up)

Favorite game: If you mean game I go back to just for the hell of it when I’m sad or bored, SWTOR.

Game you’ve played through multiple times: ...SWTOR. I have quite a few toons that are honestly just copies of each other. It isn’t perfect, but besides WOW it’s a game from my childhood. Been playing since beta (okay ‘playing’ is a rather complex word for wandering around and not knowing what the hell to do at eight years old)

Game you hated at first but now love: I’m usually willing to give most games a chance, even if I don’t like it. See: MEA. Can’t say I love it, but some of the characters I like.

Game you used to love but now hate: Overwatch. I used to be really into the competitive scene but the highest rank I ever managed was bottom of the barrel silver. They make it rather difficult to rise in rank, and I gave up a few years ago. Still play when I need a little bit of chaos in my life but it’s not on my list of games to love anymore.

Your favorite game atmosphere/setting(s): Mass Effect 1. Now saying I’ve been through the whole trilogy and then some, I like the setting of the calm before the storm. Shepard + co. know something’s up, but without real proof they can’t really do anything. It’s a little unnerving, really.

Game with the best group/companion(s): Mass Effect 2. With the largest crew in the trilogy, it’s impossible not to get attached to them. Except for Jacob. I will never be attached to Jacob.

A game with your favorite ending: I might be too hard on games, but I legitimately can not think of an ending where I went ‘wow! I worked really hard for this and my characters prospered because of it!’. Except for ME2, where I was flying by the seat of my pants at first, entirely unaware of how the ending system worked and honestly, probably only managed the best ending because of mutuals (you know who you are ;). Made it all the more satisfying seeing all of my squadmates at the end.

A game with the WORST ending: MEA. I didn’t like the entire game to begin with, and the Meridian stuff honestly flew over my head like a damn jet. I always liked the Tempest’s theme, and that gave me chills over the ending, but it was rather anticlimatic. Unlike the two games before it, there’s really no risk factor in the ending. And Ryder 1 was a poor excuse for a culmination of your work. I did not spend a majority of those 65 hours on that game to not get another cutscene or epilogue with my 100% viability.

Best character customization?: I’ve been told DAI has one of the best. However, I personally like MEA’s, the realism is nice but a little jarring when it’s animated in-game.

Hero and Companions

Your favorite playable character: The Inquisitor and Trooper from SWTOR are my favorite classes to play. Shepard is pretty great too.

The funniest playable character: Currently, the Smuggler from SWTOR.

Your favorite companion(s): Elara Dorne, Andronikos Revel, Doc, Theron Shan, Lana Beniko + Gault (SWTOR), Alistair and Morrigan (DAO; I know, it’s early but they’re fun!), Garrus Vakarian, Kaidan Alenko, Tali’zorah nar Rayya vas Normandy + EDI (ME OT), Vetra, Drack, Jaal + Kallo (MEA)

Companions you could live without: Skadge, Jacob + PeeBee. I would’ve said James, but he grew on me during ME3′s campaign. Liam and Gil are sort of climbing up there, but I can see where MEA tried to grow their characters so I’m giving them a pass for now.

Relationships

Favorite game friendship(s): Shepard + Garrus. Sorry these two snip at each other so much of you let them, and that line ‘There is no Shepard without Vakarian’ kills me every single time. None of my Shepards have actually romanced him but it’s cool to see a female/male friendship that isn’t dependent on a relationship to back it. On that note, Joker + Shepard as well. He doesn’t have that big of place in the game, but he obviously really cares about them. He’s omnipresent in the series too, and one of the few characters that can’t die in the game. Hell, Anderson even asked him to watch over their stress levels, and he was obviously serious about it too. And Tali + Shepard. While that can also be a romance (apparently was even a bi one before it was cut entirely, thank you modders for restoring it), the friendship you can have with her is undeniably sweet. She feels like a completely capable younger sister that you watch grow up through the games, from a young Quarian on her pilgrimage to an Admiral who was ready to do what was right for her people.

Favorite game relationship(s): ...Shepard/Kaidan (ME3, specifically. I mean you guys you’ve seen my blog), Shepard/Garrus, Ryder/Jaal, Ryder/Reyes, F!SW/Theron, F!Consular/Felix, F!Trooper/Aric

Favorite companion banter: ...you guys play games with banter between companions? I kid, but I like the banter between Ashley and Kaidan in ME1. And Morrigan and Alistair’s in DAO.

A relationship you loved but went bad: Malavai Quinn and a female Sith Warrior. I loved the way it was going during the vanilla story, but then the betrayal hit and he disappeared for six years and two expansions. A double whammy if you ask me. This kind of goes for all the vanilla romances, especially Vector for me.

A relationship you weren’t sure of but loved: Jaal and Ryder, and then Thane and Shepard. I did Jaal’s with Fia, and have yet to do Thane’s with Shepard. Jaal was unbelievably sweet if you did romance him, and he has a living family you visit in game. Thane’s is sweet, but also heart wrenchingly sad because you knew he was going to die in the next game but you’re still entirely willing to go after him.

A character you wish you COULD romance: Joker. Sorry, I am not sorry. I mean apparently there’s even a line where he alludes to if there was an alternate universe, he’d quote on quote “Rock your world”. Bioware, lock away the good romances why don’t you. I can just imagine how quickly the conversations in the cockpit would turn on their heads...and Zenith. Zenith I wanted as an option. I feel like the Consular would’ve worked rather well with him.

A minor character you wish could be a companion: Nihlus. I know next to nothing about him, but the fact he was killed off so fast is annoying to say the least. Skavak from SWTOR as well, I know he was an antagonist for a whole chapter, but I mean, we chased Jaesa down for a whole Act, so Skavak should’ve been fair game too.

Fun

Shoutout to a random NPC: Green took mine, but yes, that officer from the Citadel in ME2, “Sir Isaac Newton is the deadliest son of a bitch in space!”

A game you love watching playthroughs for and want to play: Left 4 Dead. I know, it’s an old game but I love zombies. I would probably have nightmares for a while but the universe fascinates me at least.

Love watching playthroughs but won’t ever play: Walking Dead (Telltale; not even for the zombies but because the story telling is not as great as it could’ve been), Dead by Daylight (yet again, the universe is cool, I just don’t like other people)

Online gaming or solo?: Solo. Up until recently I’d only ever played with PUGs during FPs and that was rather frustrating. It got so bad that I ended up just running them to level and do the story quests at higher levels, especially for classes like the Inquisitor that I’d run plenty of times before. Still, some new Discord mutuals fixed that for me, it’s actually fun to do FPs now.

Why do you play video games?: For someone who grew up rather sheltered (and is still sheltered, shhhh), video games were my escape from kids who liked the sun and animals a little too much. So I played video games. It distracted me from my other problems in real life and gave me something else to focus on, like saving the galaxy a few times over.

tagging: @sheyshen , @the-sith-in-the-sky-with-diamond , @roguescarlett

[single-strand]

I’m worse at titles

tagged by @vermillion2077 ... take that ;)

Favorite game from the last five years? in terms of hours played, The Division. It really worked for me, despite the problems it definitely has.

Most nostalgic game? Wing Commander? TIE Fighter. Let’s go with that. The Empire is on the verge of success ... 

Game that deserves a sequel? Alpha Protocol.

Game that deserves a remaster? also Alpha Protocol. Or Vampire the Masquerade Bloodlines.

Favorite genre? space/flight sims.

Least favorite genre? horror games are like ... the worst.

Favorite song from a game? Corridors of Time from Chrono Trigger

Favorite character from a game? Kreia from KOTOR 2, in the sense of ‘interesting’ although not really ‘liked.’ An NPC who lies to you is a tough thing to 

Favorite ship from a game? Depends on what you mean by ship doesn’t it? How about the Ares from Freespace 2 and hahahaha nope!

Favorite voice actor from a game? Michael Ironside? too many good choices here.

Favorite cutscene? The opening drop in Halo ODST was pretty cool. Orbital drop pods are inherently cool, you know?

Favorite boss? that one boss who wasn’t just an inflated pile of hp or a gimmick but one which just asked you to play the game to its fullest and provided a fun, intuitive to learn challenge where you used your existing abilities in new and fun combinations to succeed without feeling like it was just a dumb roadblock

so, you know, the one that doesn’t exist.

First console? first one I bought myself was a Gamecube, played many older ones

Current console or consoles? my phone? :p

Console you want? PS4, sort of, but I’m not buying one

Place from a video game that you’d like to visit? the Citadel from Mass Effect. Probably not the ME3 Citadel, all things considered.

Place from a video game that you’d like to live in? maybe Stardew Valley. seems nice, Sebastian clearly has good internet access. the essentials :D

Ridiculous crossover that would never happen but would be super fun? rebel galaxy / star wars. because it could have been. 

Book that would make a good game? Martha Wells’ The Murderbot Diaries. It’d work on so many levels. 

Show/movie that would make a good game? Macross. One day, I will get a Macross game worth a damn. Or Babylon 5, same thing. >:[

Games you want to play? Rebel Galaxy Outlaw, Cyberpunk 2077 (like everyone), Ace Combat 7 and Project Wingman

Have you gotten 100% completion in a game? Oh, yeah. Used to be obsessive about 1000/1000 on xbox 360 games. I got over it. 

Have you cried over a game? nah. not how i express.

What power-up or ability would you want in real life? invisibility. good invisibility, so IR and visible spectrum and the like, thank you. I have high standards. 

consider yourself tagged, mutuals. or don’t, but I’d read it if you did  ;)

[tennyo-elf]

Mass Effect Trilogy Thoughts

I’m ten years late to the party (or 5 years depending on if you start at ME1 or ME3) but I finally finished the Mass Effect Trilogy, thanks to Dragon Age.

Here are my thoughts on the games, the ending, random bits, the romance, etc, etc...

After I played the trilogy I looked around tumblr and found that a lot of people thought the first game was clunky. I, for one, while I know there were kinks (especially regarding dialogue/romance options), loved the first game so much that it’s my favorite of the three games. I played Vanguard and once I got barrier I had so much fun just standing in the middle of fire blasting everything in sight. I hate shooter games because I suck at them, but ME1 allowed me to have fun. The unlimited ammo really was what got me, ‘cause I’m a terrible shot. Of course there was the whole heating thing for your weapon, but I rather have that than, “Oops, out of ammo!”

I didn’t like the battle system for ME2 and the whole working for Cerberus. The characters were pretty awesome, but it took me a bit to learn not to flirt since I wanted to be faithful to Kaidan (I play paragon, so I had to learn to stick to the middle options on the dialogue wheel). ME2 was pretty much my least favorite. I only wish I could have played with Legion more. 

ME3 took the best of ME1 and ME2 and made a great game...up until the ending of course. But seriously, ME3 is great and really fun and I loved just going around doing my Biotic Charge/Nova combo. Yeah, let me just charge a Brute or a Banshee that could literally one shot me and then nova/shotgun/charge them to death before they can kill me. That, to me, is seriously fun! Biotic power ftw!

The ending though. That ending...back before I had even heard of Bioware and was vaguely familiar with the name Dragon Age (I had thought to purchase it back in 2009 but went “Nope, I probably won’t like it” - fuck, how wrong I was...) I heard about the notoriously bad ME3 ending. It was all over the place in my geek sphere. So before I played the trilogy I looked up the ending on the wiki and read about it in articles, and I knew I’d hate it. So, since I’m on PC, I looked up some mods. I never met the star child (or whatever) or had to make a choice and I’m grateful for that. (My Shep always survives because I’m a completionist and I always get all war assets thus my end score is well above what’s needed for everyone to survive.)

First I got the regular MEHEM, played the trilogy, and the ending, with this mod, didn’t feel right. It didn’t satisfy me at all. I needed to redo some things to get the ending I wanted (I accidentally killed Steve Cortez in my first pt, fuck that noise) so I played ME3 a second time and used a new ending mod called JAM. That pt went perfectly. The ending seriously made me happy, and if felt so right! The Extended Ending, plus JAM, plus the Leviathan DLC, allowed me to enjoy the trilogy with no tears (besides for Anderson, Thane, Mordin, and Legion). There was only ONE plot hole with this combo.

The catalyst obviously targeted Reaper technology (in this mod/DLC combo), but the Geth and EDI were integrated with Reaper code. So how did they survive? (You know they survived by the ending slides with the Geth and EDI calling for Shepard when the gang went looking for her.) So I have to head canon an extra side quest after Priority: Rannoch, where the Geth and EDI discuss looking for a firewall against the catalyst energies for their built in Reaper code. Maybe they get it from the Keepers on the Citadel or maybe they create one together. Of course there is worry about the Reapers getting hold of this firewall, blah blah blah, but they keep it on the hush and hush and it works out in the end. I had no issues with the destroy ending where the Citadel and the relays go boom, because it made sense to me, I only worried about EDI and the Geth. (I united the Geth with their Creators, I’m not letting them die!) So I head canon the side quest and they’re safe. 

There is also the nightmares Shepard has about the boy. I also head canon that when she passes out after Anderson dies, she dreams again, and this time, instead of just standing and watching the boy catch fire, she saves him, she takes action, she stands up for herself and doesn’t let her guilt or fears or worries control her. She wakes with a start (and renewed energy/life) and then activates the Crucible/Catalyst. Perfect ending to me, yes, yes. (Watch here!)

As for the continuation of the series, after playing the trilogy I was disappointed that they didn’t continue the story post war with the reapers. I haven’t played Andromeda yet but I understand it’s in a different Galaxy with different problems and I think that was a missed opportunity on Bioware’s part to explore the other themes/consequences of the first trilogy. There is the dark matter/biotics/eezo/mass effect fields topic to explore as well as the fall out of Shepard’s decisions, such as the Krogan population surge, Geth/Qurian alliance, and the Leviathans. Leviathans indoctrination abilities are very concerning. And granted, Mass Effect 3 did hint that the Krogan and Geth Alliance weren’t a threat, it still wasn’t made certain. Personally I like to be able to have a game where you make sure the Krogans and rachni aren’t a threat based on in-game decisions from both the old and new trilogy. Also, I like the new hero to be able to formalize that the Geth/EDI/new AIs aren’t the threat they were made out to be and we can work together (for Destroy or even control ending, synthesis ending would have to focus on how it didn’t solve the real problems/took away freedom from people). Draw parallels from humans who are evil to AIs who go evil too. And everything leading up to the true threat of Leviathan’s trying to take over again and how the team work of species can over come their old oppressors. Just a trilogy about overcoming old thoughts/beliefs/etc. And it doesn’t have to take place immediately after the reaper war either. It could take place after Shepard’s death or when Shepard is very old and retired. I mean, you could make a game like that, it’d just take finesse because of the way they made ME3′s ending. It’d be tricky with the synthesis ending. but it could happen. A can of worms, yet I truly believe with the five years of development they had they could have written something that may piss off some, but ultimately be a continuation of the interesting galaxy/world the first trilogy created.

Okay, random thought here, but regarding the Asari, wouldn’t be it hard to keep their heads/back of their neck clean? So many places for junk to pile up, cleaning their heads must be a bitch. 

Also, this game was annoying with the male gaze, eye candy thing going on. It was everywhere and it never, ever, didn’t annoy the hell out of me. Pulled me out of the story every time I saw it, that’s for sure. I Like Miranda, but with her catsuit you can even see her lips! And I’m not talking about her face lips either!)

Alright, so romances...I went in knowing I was going to romance either Garrus or Kaidan. I didn’t know these characters yet and I saw these two were romanced the most by female Shepards on tumblr, so I figured I couldn’t go wrong with either of them. Playing a paragon Shep, and getting to know Kaidan, the romance for them made sense to me (My Shep is a spacer/war hero). I was highly attracted to his character, morals, and principals. With Garrus, I can see how a renegade Shep would be all over the “fuck rules” bit but with my paragon, if felt more like a mentor/mentee relationship turn best friends type of deal than a romance. Garrus didn’t fit with my Shepard, Liabelle. I did watch a youtube vid of his romance though and he is cute af.

Of course, later, I find out everyone hates Kaidan for Horizon (or being too emotional/whiny...which felt silly to me tbh). I didn’t. Kaidan’s reaction on Horizon made sense for his character and it felt real. My Shep knew Kaidan would react like he did and while it hurt, she didn’t love him less for it. She fell for him for his principals, why would she be upset at Kaidan being Kaidan when it’s Kaidan she fell for? Hurts yes, frustrating yes, but in the end they found their way back to one another and if felt really good. Now I’m a shenko shipper through and through. 

Also loyalty to a fault can be a bad thing, sometimes you need a friend who will call you out on your shit. That’s what Kaidan did/does (though he went a bit overboard with the betrayal line, but that’s him reeling and he apologized for it). So nah, I wasn’t mad or disinterested in Kaidan after Horizon or for the beginning of ME3. I liked his character development and him coming to realize he made a mistake. You can see throughout ME3, once he comes back, how he regrets it. Ugh, the well made angst mixed with the happiness of them being back together does things to me.

In the end, Garrus and kaidan were my squad, they were my boys. I think not having Kaidan in ME2 made my dislike for the game more intense because I didn’t have my boys together. I literally shouted “MY BOYS!!” at my screen while playing ME3 when I could pick Kaidan and Garrus for my team again. It probably helped that they balanced out my Vanguard really well.

As for romanced Kaidan head canons, I will say that while they were biotic rabbits between the sheets, they were still touch and go relationship wise for most of ME3. I don’t think they were at a place in their relationship for a real marriage proposal after they find her post destroy. They definitely need time to just be and I can see that happening during leave or working on the Normandy during non war times. My husband is in the military and I asked about what would happen if they were found out and the military does give people options, either break it off or marry. I figure by the time anyone finds out they’re already engaged. That just means postings, they wouldn’t be able to work together on the Normandy. I can’t figure this one out. A part of me sees Shep retiring, another can’t see her as anything but Captain of the Normandy. Kaidan could go back to teaching, and they could meet up on Earth every shore leave Shep has...but, gah, I still haven’t figured it out yet. I do like the idea of them retiring out by Kaidan’s family’s orchard, going camping, or traveling, having kids, etc.   

Lastly, the only character I dislike is Kai Leng (too one dimensional and an ass, easy to hate). The rest I will hug if I could. And I was sad I couldn’t have a third squad mate. I’d probably pick Tali mostly with the occasionally Liara or Wrex thrown in with Kaidan and Garrus. Also I have a big soft spot for Samara. I also am weird in shipping Javik and Liara (I want them to have Asari babies!!!!...after writing their book ofc), but I think Joker and EDI are cute af and you can pry that ship from dead, cold hands. Ack, and Thane dying hurt but felt inevitable since he had a terminal illness. Mordin’s death felt a bit unnecessary, he needs to be studying seashells gdi!! ALSO WHY BIOWARE, WHY KILL LEGION, WHY!!! Oh, and Kasumi needs to be able to keep the gray box and move on...humph. 

Alright, I may write a small fic for shenko but I might not, IDK yet. All I know is I miss Dragon Age like I’m missing my other heart, so I’m going back to it soon-ish. Will replay this wonderful sci-fi trilogy again though, sometime in the future just not right away. I’ll always prefer my Dragon Age games, but this ride was definitely worth it.

[griffinsnoir]

nb-ace-in-the-menagerie asked: We’re there any Mass Effect companions Calpernia got along really well with?

Calpernia got on well with most everyone, but her especially notable are her friendships with: 

Kaidan, Miranda, Samara, James, an Extra Special Shoutout to Garrus and Tali and a very special shoutout to Ashley!

This isn’t to say she doesn’t value everyone else, but her relationship with these guys is particularly special or different.

So let’s see:

Kaidan

Kaidan and Calpernia share a very special bond. I mean they ended up dating in Mass Effect 3 so of course he’s very special to her.

And I think it’s because they’re very much alike: dutiful, stubborn, honest... powerful human biotics...

He always tells her how he feels and for the most part she always had a clear understanding of where she stood with him. She admires his abilities and has absolute faith in him—and that trust has never wavered.

That’s part of the reason she was never really angry at him for his comments on Horizon. I mean she was hurt but never really angry.

He was the first person she opened herself up to and he keeps her grounded. So even when he was angry at her, she never stopped believing they’d be friends again.

And she was right. It took some time but they worked through everything and finally resolved the romantic tension between them!

Kaidan fell for her very early on but his interest was very subtle so Calpernia didn’t notice. She was too focused. But Calpernia did develop strong feelings of… ‘Camaraderie’ towards him.

Such strong feelings of Camaraderie, in fact, something about him not being at her side in ME2 felt wrong. She missed him a little too much and didn’t understand why he occupied her thoughts so often. (The feeling she had was love but she hadn’t noticed it yet.)

So yeah, ya girl is a little dense lol

She had a late love epiphany thus didn’t know she was in love until he broke her heart on Horizon.

Even after they became friends again it still took her a while to notice his feelings for her—he had to be very blatant about it for her to catch on and it didn't help that Calpernia didn't give him any indication of her feelings—but they got their eventually lol

Miranda

Unlike either Kaidan or Ashley, Calpernia and Miranda got off to a pretty bad start. She was difficult to get along with but they’re both remarkably similar and needed the same thing: To reclaim their humanity from the impossible standards they (and others) placed upon them(selves). For Calpernia, reclaiming her personhood and humanity was something that began in ME1. It cemented in ME2 and was tested in ME3. She wobbled but came out with her humanity (and life) intact. I imagine that the same could be said for Miranda and alot of that was because Shepard helped her. She made Miranda feel like asking for help and acknowledging her faults wasn’t the end of the world. Which is why their casino scene in the Citadel DLC makes me so happy! They’re both so efficient at what they do and it’s consumed so much of their time that neither knows how to be a civilian and have a normal Girls Night but they’re going to try! And then Miranda’s admittance that no one is perfect brings everything from their first few conversations full Circle. Miranda isn’t perfect and neither is Calpernia. It’s no exaggeration for me to say that Miranda is Calpernia’s best friend.

Samara

Now I could go on and on about the relationship between Calpernia and Samara but I’ll try to keep short as I can.

Their relationship is full of ironic parallels that Calpernia fails to notice.

Calpernia admires and Respects Samara a lot. She admires her serenity, wisdom and strong resolve.

I mean, Samara is the type of person who makes ‘getting the job done’ look easy, she’s level-headed, cool, and fearless. And though she might be, uh, intense she does bring about a sense of comfort. Because having Samara seems like guaranteed victory (ironically, these are traits commonly attributed to Calpernia herself— she of course doesn’t notice the parallel.)

But what Calpernia really likes about her, is that beneath her tough Justicar exterior is someone whose subject to the same vulnerabilities as everyone else. She loves getting to know that part of Samara and she loves that Samara trusts her with that part of her. (Again, Ironically, this mirrors the way Shepard let down her walls to let her Companions get to know her as a person. Calpernia doesn’t notice.)

But of course, there are things she does notice, like how both of them place the mission before their feelings and the way others view them as unapproachable and scary.  

But As I mentioned, Calpernia regaining her sense of self outside of the ‘Commander Shepard’ box she’s placed herself into is most of her character development and it’s really starting to take effect in Mass Effect 2. So while they’re still similar, Calpernia has begun to drift unto different path. Her mission is still first, but she’s now open to a personal life.

So having someone there who has it all together is…comforting, Even if she doesn’t take the same path.

She misses being that sure; She missed the guidelines and regulations and Carefully Executed Loopholes that informed her behavior and actions. She misses the clarity she had when she pushed away everything that wasn’t the mission.

But then her crew wiggled their way into her heart and Having them made her realized how hard it is to be alone and fight for some abstract concept. But when the people who want to protect are Right There…it becomes easier and makes her resolve that much stronger.

So, Ironically, opening herself up and making friends only made her a better soldier lol

They share different perspectives but understand each other better than most others would.

James

Being someone’s Friend or Commander is different than being their Mentor and, well, that’s what she got to be with James.

He looked toward her for Guidance and so she helped him.

But that really brings everything full circle for her.

The games begin with her under Anderson’s Wing and now she’s, more or less, taken someone under hers.

James has promise: talent, an impressive service record and is even on his way to becoming an N7! But then he’s also excitable and emotional and overall very different than she is; He likes to joke and flirt and get under her skin—I mean you’d think he’d treat someone he looks up to with a little more respect!

Still, he means no harm and Calpernia understands that—in fact, his cheerful presence is very much needed.

And that I think that, when you’re invited to join the N7 program it’s because you’ve shown the same level of proficiency in the traits other N7s share: bravery, strength, creative problem solving, etc…

Anderson and Shepard get along because they share a set of unique qualities–and I’d like to think the same could be said for Shepard and James. They met when Calpernia was grounded but he always respected her and she appreciated his support.

They went through a rough patch on the Normandy but it was easy to reconciled once Calpernia dished out the hard advice.

And though they did become friends, their Mentor, Protege relationship blossomed after the Reaper War.

I mentioned that I headcanon that Calpernia helped to recruit new N7s–and James was amongst the first bunch of new candidates.

While everyone else was impressed and/or intimidated, James treated her no different than always. He teased her about being ‘Out of Her Prime’ and probably called her Grandma at some point but he has nothing but respect for her lol

He goes to her for advice and likes to talk about how things are going and she’s extremely proud of him.

Garrus and Tali

I put these two together because they fill a similar position in Calpernia’s heart.

A list like this wouldn’t be complete without them!

Those two have been there through it all. They’ve stood with her against all sorts of impossible odds and depends on them for support.

No one else knows what Shepard’s been through like they have—like, you can tell someone about the Collector Base but the pure horror of it all? You just had to be there y’know?

And so in that sense, they’re like…siblings. Three people who came up together.

With Garrus someone she can pal around and compete with. He is 100% her best bro.

With Tali, Shepard goes full on ‘Mom Friend’ No one messes with Tali when she’s around!

And together they form a pretty balanced combat trio.

Whenever she’s feeling unsure of what or who the mission needs, Garrus and Tali are the two she’ll call first.

There’s is a friendship that will definitely last a lifetime.

Ashley 

Compared to the rest, Calpernia didn’t know Ashley for very long.

But still, Ashley reminded Calpernia very much of herself–she was a survivor, a soldier willing and ready to go, they shared an interest in old literature and Ashley wasn’t afraid to speak her mind. I already mentioned that Calpernia did try to save both Ashley and Kaidan by splitting up from her Squad but she was unsuccessful. Losing her is one of Calpernia’s greatest regrets. Before her final stand against the Reapers, Calpernia traded her usual Red Armor for Standard Alliance Blue. But then she added a very non-standard Pink Stripe on her arm in honor of Ashley and the rest of her fallen friends and allies.

[hunnybadgerv]

For the angsty relationship asks, do you feel like doing all of them for Nyx/Kaidan? You can keep as short as you want! Only if you like to. (If not, all multiples of 5?)

Angsty Relationship Asks

do they have a lot of arguments? if so, over what?Most of their arguments are over Nyx’s gung ho tactics. *cough* Rannoch *cough* I mean Kaidan understands what she’s trying to do, and wouldn’t balk about throwing himself in harm’s way, but there are times when she does it that it just creates a reaction. Beyond that I think their “arguments” are mostly silly--she stole his bacon, he stole the covers. They usually end up in laughter and fluff. These tend to talk more than argue. I think it’s because they are both rather even keeled.

who apologizes first? in what way? is it hard for either of them to apologize?Usually the one of them that was in the wrong. They’re both rather adult about those sorts of things. And usually they are pretty quick to realize when they were in the wrong. I don’t think either of them has an issue apologizing. But I also think that sometimes Kaidan is more likely to apologize first, I think, given everything, he’s more willing to overlook those things.

which one has more insecurities? over what?Oh this can be a toss up depending on the moment. Kaidan’s still dealing with trusting himself (at least in the ME1 timeline, later I think he moves past it. After the Lazarus Project, really suffers with self-identity issues, struggles as to whether she’s actually herself. And it doesn’t get better later one. And might actually compound when they go through the Lazarus base.

who gets more riled up? do they show their anger? I think Kaidan’s fuse can be shorter than Nyx’s. He’s likely to get a little more riled up by things. But I don’t think his anger comes out, especially in the earlier installments. He’s got that iron control over himself. I think later on I’ve shown him being more free with his anger or feelings in that range, like when he tells James he doesn’t like to share. There was a bit of anger flashing behind that statement.

how do they hide their pain when they’re upset? do they try to hide their pain?Nyx has a nearly uncrackable mask. But her pain finally cracks the surface it usually does so in tears. I think Kaidan in keeping with the idea of his exceptional control would bottle up, but I think he’d be more likely to talk about his before it became an explosive outburst. He wouldn’t want it to go that far and potentially end in a loss of control.

who tries to make up first? does it work?I think here we have another toss up. I think it depends on the situation. 

would they hate-fuck if they were mad at one another? if they had a falling out?You mean like Horizon??? Umm. I’m not really sure. I’ve never thought about this before. A part of me thinks the potential is there. 

do they hold grudges? is it hard for them to let go/forgive each other?Against each other? *cough* Horizon *cough* Kaidan does. Nyx gets furious for a while, but then realizes she’d probably react just the same way, so she kind of just lets it go. *Spoiler Alert* In the vaguest possible terms, I have Nyx do something while she’s working with Cerberus in ME2 and Kaidan ends up being assigned to a position that makes him aware of what she’s doing. And I think in that he starts to realize that maybe things are like he thought they were and maybe she wasn’t lying to him on Horizon. I think it helps move him toward finally being able to forgive her.

is there something big that could potentially tear them apart if it was revealed? If Cerberus had used Reaper tech in her upgrades, yes. If he had married in the interim, yes. If she had turned to Thane or Garrus as more than friends, yes. If either of them stopped trusting the other, yes. But I don’t think there’s anything in their pasts that they are hiding from one another that would just end their relationship cold turkey.

if something already happened to tear them apart, what would make them come back together? is it even possible?For Kaidan, it was the realization that what he thought he saw on Horizon wasn’t an accurate representation of what was happening. And also him finding out that she didn’t walk away for two years. That something actually happened. For Nyx, it was his apology.

what’s their favorite pass time when they’re upset?Nyx loves a good fight. She’s gone hand to hand with Garrus and in ME2 90% of the crew. In ME3, she and James get into it a lot. She loves a fight. Kaidan tends to go all toolbelt when he’s upset. I almost wonder if he wasn’t intentionally breaking that console all the time just to have something to zero in on. I think that immense concentration needed to repair items is what helps calm him back down when he’s upset. 

who do they confide in when shit hits the fan (besides each other)?For Nyx it turned out to be Tali at first, Garrus later. Kaidan confided a lot in Joker, and Liara later.

is it hard for them to talk about their feelings openly with each other? if so, is there any way that can be resolved, even in the slightest?The two of them from the get go could really talk about anything except their interest in one another, at least until they decided just to go for it. It was still a difficult subject from time to time, but that’s really the only thing they didn’t bring up. Well, that and feelings of jealousy. Nyx didn’t really deal with that green-eyed pang finding out someone was trying to set him up with a doctor. And when James was making flirty comments, Kaidan didn’t really say anything he just kind of let it fuel his frenzy when he got Nyx alone. 

who grieves more when the other is away?I think they both do. But the person that’s not in the thick of fighting has more time to think about the fact that the other one’s not there, that the other one’s in danger. So I’d say it’s likely Kaidan because he spends more time out of combat than Nyx does.

who misses the other more, or really thinks about them more?This would probably go to Kaidan. Nyx’s compartmentalization allows her to kind of lock certain things away and not deal with them until she wants to or needs to. Kaidan, while controlled, doesn’t feel quite as boxed up as she can be.

do either of them have a special item (an article of clothing, a necklace, a book) that they use when they miss the other? if so, what is it? what do they do with it (read, wear, look at, smell)?Nyx is all about Kaidan’s hockey jerseys. In ME2, at one point she and Thane were talking about their former loves. He shared a memory and she did too. After their next stop over at the Citadel, there was a hockey jersey in her room. She picked it up and on an off chance smelled it. She broke down on the spot, it smelled exactly like she remembered and she just buried her face in it and cried. For the most part, she just keeps it in a drawer, but there are times when she pulls it on and curls up in bed. She’d never admit it. Even when she’s doing it, there’s a part of her that feels foolish because at that moment she’s convinced it’s over between them. Later on, Kaidan finds the jersey in her quarters--a part of me is sure he asks about it. I’m not sure how that goes, or how much she admits. But she wears it while they’re apart. I have a feeling Kaidan has something as well, though at the moment I’m not sure what it is. 

who cries more? who gets more emotional in general?Nyx is the more likely to get emotional, if only because she keeps proverbially stuffing things in boxes until they can’t hold anymore, then it pops open, gets everywhere, leaving a mess.

do either of them have the other’s stuff lying around their house?Oh yes. Once they get back together the loft is theirs. Hell, after the loss of the Normandy Kaidan went back to his apartment and had to do something with her shelf. The handful of things he convinced her just to leave there until their next leave. At the time it seemed like a good idea. But he wanted her to be comfortable there, to feel like it was her space as well. 

how about teasing? do they tease each other while in a fight (whether it be with themselves or just general teasing)?Not when they’re fighting. Just in general, she’ll tease him and call him Canada, or, like in ME1, insist that he clear her so she can flirt with him. But it’s all in jest and good fun. He will also occasionally make remarks about the size of her “aura”/biotic field.

do either of them have any vices?Kaidan sometimes suffers self-doubt. They both have a little stroke of a jealousy streak. Nyx can be reckless and has to curb down her wrath. Being the tip of the spear as long as she has been has also given her a dash of arrogance that pops up in certain situations. I think there are times when Kaidan feels a little envy later on, maybe when talking to Thane, or seeing Nyx and Garrus together. Especially when they are just trying to put the pieces back together.

what’s the thing they miss most about each other?Kaidan misses her smile, the way she laughs--the fact that she sees him, not just his rank or his biotics, but really sees him. And Nyx misses the calm that he exudes--she never feels like she has to say or do anything. He just accepts her as she is. 

what’s their go-to breakup/angst song?I think this might have to be No Sugar In My Coffee or something like Amnesia. Though I’m sure there were points when Nyx was mumbling lyrics to songs like 99 Problems here and there in an effort to convince herself past whatever Kaidan-related feeling she was struggling with at the moment.

who’s more jealous?During ME2, Nyx. In ME3, it’s Kaidan. He’s given more reason than she is. 

who is the first to forgive?With the Horizon incident, it’s Nyx. But this one is a toss up on other things. 

what’s the one deal breaker for either of them (lack of communication, fear of commitment, etc)?For these two a lack of communication would be devastating. If they stopped trusting or talking to one another, their relationship would break down.

who would take longer to let go? do they ever really “let go”?Neither of them really let go with Horizon. Even thinking she was dead, Kaidan clung to her memory. And even when she was sure he hated her, she couldn’t turn the path of her heart.

which is more afraid of confrontation?Neither of them. Even with each other. Though in ME2, Nyx even after she came to terms with his response to her, still avoided him. She didn’t want to push him into a confrontation that would just shatter everything. So maybe Nyx.

who’s the first to distance themselves (if either)?Kaidan. 

who’s more patient? is it hard to break that patience?Kaidan. Yes, it’s hard to break his patience.

who’s the first to blame themselves? I think they both have this tendency to a point. 

who’s more likely to do something out of spite?I think that this is a stretch for both of them, but if pushed really far, I’m fairly certain they both could be capable of it. 

who would be the first to say they hate the other? would they mean it?Not sure either of them would say it. Except in jest. Like Kaidan tickling her feet relentlessly and her saying she hates him. But it would be a playful silly situation and definitely not with any conviction.

who worries more?Kaidan. Nyx’s compartmentalization has some benefits.

what scent reminds them of the other?Oh wow... Umm. I’m not sure if I ever went into this for either of them yet. Citrusy scents might be what evoke Nyx, or honeysuckle. With Kaidan I think it’s probably a smoky, woody scent. But I reserve the right to retcon this if I find the note where I actually had this marked out. I’m pretty sure I laid it out somewhere, but I can’t find mention of it at the moment.

do they have any regrets (regarding the other, or just in general)?They both regret Horizon. I think they both kind of regret *Spoiler Alert* Omega. 

who’s quicker to walk away if a situation gets heated?Kaidan.

who is more prone to anger?Nyx. Though Kaidan’s not immune.

who cries more in an argument? do either of them cry?The mostly likely culprit in this situation would be Nyx.

does it take a lot for it to get to the point of yelling?Oh, yes.

who sleeps on the couch? can either of them sleep without the other?Both of them. And not well. 

who’s more likely to protect the other?Flip a coin. They’d both take a bullet for the other.

if one of them gets injured, who worries more?Another flip a coin question.

who would be more afraid of the other’s death/harm?This could be a toss up as well, but I’ll give it to Kaidan, because he’s already been there once, he doesn’t want to go through that hell again.

who ends up yelling first? are they always yelling when arguing, or do neither of them yell at all?Either. Though with Kaidan on if she’s going on and on and not listening, then he’d only yell her name to get her attention and the chance to get a word in edgewise.

who would be more likely to save who?Flip a coin. I think it is highly dependent on the situation. They’ve both saved one another’s lives in the past.

who stays up at night brooding?Neither. Shepard family tradition. Her father told her never go to bed mad, even if you’re up all night. Don’t let it fester if you can avoid it.

who has more dreams/nightmares about the other?Nyx. 

who comforts who after a bad dream/event?Kaidan

do they think about each other a lot? does it affect their performance/schoolwork?Sometimes, I imagine it does affect them in their careers, and they do think about each other a lot. It gets easier when they are around each other almost all the time thought.

if one of them were to come back after a long time, who would come to who? would it go well? would the other person take them back?Well, when Nyx went to Kaidan--unknowingly--it went badly. When they got thrown together on the Normandy in the attack it didn’t go well. Later when Nyx went to the hospital with and without his request, things went better, kind of. When hell really broke loose, Kaidan came to her. Nyx forgave Kaidan long ago, and still held a torch. When he finally became willing to give it another go, she was more than willing to tell him she forgave him. And they both finally found that place where they were willing to give it another go.Honestly a part of me is certain that they could have had a harder time of if they hadn’t lost one another for a time. I think that separation helped them really get a clearer grasp of one another and just what they both wanted and needed from the relationship.