#this was a meme i saw somewhere on the dash a long time ago and i had to do it LMAO

[ladyimaginarium]

       The Chaos Meter ft. The GANGSTA. Squad !!

[carpedzem]

I saw a while ago you got an ask from an anon asking for loveposting of Dream, and I was wondering if you could do it again but of just cc!Dream? For some reason, I'm getting a lot of baseless takes saying that Dream was totally responsible for Gee's harassment and he's trying to control twt by "taking away their freedom of speech" all over my dash and its both confusing and a little hurtful bc I've tagged cw negative but nobody tags their posts correctly, and besides, Dream is very vocal about his covid warrior takes, and I was hoping you could flood my dash with cc!dream positivity because I love him /parasocial

oh boy, nonny, it looks like you need a better people to follow o.o

first of all Dream is not responsible for Gee's harassment, if anything he could say nothing but chose to step in to save CC's asses even if we can assume he didn't support the idea. that control twt thing I don't even want to touch, it's just stupid. okay, with this out of our way ✨ love posting time! ✨

this is based on assumptions only but the possibility that he had The Talk tm with George about the party and still wrote that answer on twt, to make situation better. damn, he really loves his friends :')

Dream Covid Warrior We Stan

Change My Clothes is sooo??? <333 gods I love this song and I love that he has a chance to work with music and with artist he respect. and this song is so smoothing. lyrics are a little sad but also so hopeful

You miss all of the shots that you don't take :)

his recent irl content! it's not only h*t but also it's something endearing seeing he is, in fact, real person. I saw somewhere post that it also might be him getting used to being in front of camera and this makes me so soft :')

cargo pants were sent to him, why are we Like This, and he decided, yes, I'm going to do photo session with them, why is he Like This /pos

Dream's and Sapnap's friendships gives me so much feelings recently, they love each other so much, I'm so happy they can live together and see each other on daily basic and send themselves memes even if they are in the same house

the way he sometimes just hop on twt to cause chaos??? this is so funny. why did he 'bullied' his fan? why does he have 176 nipples? why did he 😳 Punz's ratio? and remember, he has a house

That Suit tm

when he says "Hi!", or giggle <3

the fact that he saves funny photos of his friends just to send them! and that he scrolls old messages and finds funny bits. he just, he loves them so much

he liked Tommy idea about where Manhunt should start and used it!

his "Well-" <3

I don't know if I ever talk about it but I absolutely love Quackity's stream when he was Dream's therapist. It's so funny, I find myself rewatching it once in a while. comfort stream for sure :)

on one of Puffy stream, when he was talking about beginning of DSMP and how long they all know each other! and the fact that DSMP brought dteam and Punz together again! gods, this is such a wonderful story, looking at how often they appear at each other streams like, this makes me so soft :>

just... he <3

[crossant-creachure]

Back at you my friend👀 I wanna know how you got into kpop and your favoruite groups !

thank you for the ask, dear friend  🥺 🥺 i must admit this is an Essay as well, since it’s 7 years of kpop history for me, but i hope you enjoy nonetheless?

it started i think around the end of 2013. i was browsing on youtube an din my recommend list i saw a video of attack on titan and it looked interesting so i clicked on it (this video, if you’re curious). and i Loved the song used in it, and it turned out it was kpop!! so i looked up the actual mv, and then looked up the mv with lyrics. and with my unrelenting curiosity i checked out the subbing account and stumbled on some mvs of nu’est and they were the first group i somewhat biased. (it was still very new to me so i didnt watch much of their shows or anything but i listened to so much of their music omg)

from one thing came another, and after nu’est i found b.a.p and after bap came exo somewhere in 2014 (i cried so much for kris despite joining the fandom after he left,,,, not my proudest moment, i must admit). exo had me hooked bc of their superpower concept and wolf <3 also as i got into exo i discovered how funny and Wild the kpop fandom truly is. it was also my introduction to tumblr bc i always looked here for the Freshest Memes. and i watched inkigayo religiously every friday to find out about new groups and songs and it’s through that that i found out about boys republic, which was also my first kpop concert (2015) and how i got my mom to like kpop (nyehehe >:D)

i learned about bts through internet since they were getting bigger and bigger and i think i found out about them around danger era. then i stanned them for a while. (almost religiously, i think. again, not my proudest moment.) but then i started liking bts less and less also bc a lot of fans were becoming ugly and i started associating that horrible behaviour with bts and their music and now i avoid bts as much as possible because of that bad association :)

i found out about stray kids after their official debut bc i was in a group chat with other dutch kpoppies and some of them were heavily into skz, so i watched district 9 bc i got curious after a while and felix’s deep voice had me hooked. but the grow up mv made me stay (pun not intended) bc it was right before my national final exams for graduating high school and i was stressed and they have me that hope and comfort that i still associate with them (stray kids bestest boys ever <3) but at a certain point i started liking their comebacks less and less which :(

i learned about ateez bc my dear friend what-if-angels told me about them on the day of their say my name comeback and they were super excited about them so i watched the mv and!!!!! it was an instant love for ateez esp hala hala (holy shit when i saw ateez live two years ago i cried so hard when they did hala hala my friends literally thought something was wrong) anywho. that was ateez. but same story, i somewhat started liking their newer cbs a little less and so my time was taken up by another group:

i had come across some nct posts/memes on my dash that had me curious so i decided to look into them. that was right before the 127 regular comeback and that was one black hole of everything nct (and mentally beating myself up bc i could have stanned everything nct since their debut but i didnt bc younger me decided they didnt like the 7th sense) and then came wayv. and nct 2020. and now im back at stanning stray kids too though not as much as before. 

and this was only the broad lines i have started listening to so many more groups over time and there are still groups i wanna look into more but that’s something for later

(and this is So Long im Sorry, but please have this strawberry for making it through this monster:  🍓)

[noonmutter]

Personal shiz. Just putting most of it behind a thing in case you don’t wanna read it.

I remember a post that floated around my dash a while ago--a few days, a few weeks, who the hell knows, everything blurs together now--about long absences and how they should be allowed to go unmentioned sometimes as a general rule of friendship. And I thought about it for awhile, but I couldn’t really get behind the sentiment, at least not on its face. Not without some caveats. Taking a hiatus, going away, leaving for a while; these are fine. Absolutely fine. Sometimes you gotta unplug before you go insane. “Ghosting,” on the other hand--disappearing without a word, even through a proxy, without even a minimum of “life is bad, I’ll be back someday”... That sucks. It always sucks. Even if they come back, even if you let it pass, it still sucks. And that feeling is valid, too.

I’ve been online since I was nine years old; I’m 33 now. I am a child of the internet as it was becoming something people did, instead of something people referred to. And something I got used to as I was chatting with friends I’d never met (most of whom I never would meet) was the simple fact that one day, many of them would stop showing up. Sometimes people just completely disappeared. Here today, chatting about video games and common early teenagery bitching about how nobody understands you, gone tomorrow like they never were. Hell, one of the saddest stories/memes/greentext/screenshots-from-4chan/whatever a lot of people ever saw was a guy talking about his buddy on Xbox who would speak in broken English, helping the guy play games and pointing out solutions in Portal 2 coop, and eventually saying ‘bad times friend ahead,’ warning that he might have no computer and no home. Promises he will return. And then his friend never got back online again.

And that’s fair. Life happens; it sure as hell happened to the guy in that story, real or fictional. The internet was not the sum total of one’s life. I know that, you know that; most people know that. That’s sort of transmuted to the opposite in the last few years, and 2020 in particular. The internet is everywhere, in almost everything, all the time now. It’s entirely possible (and in 2020, likely) to spend no time in the physical presence of another human being while still socializing with numerous human beings all day. Hanging out happens online as much as it used to in a park or a restaurant.

For many years I managed to just take the disappearances in stride somehow, it didn’t upset me. Of course, it upset me a bit--obviously, I’d lost someone I considered a friend and that I thought considered me one--but I wasn’t angry or bitter. Just sad. Thinking about it it was probably a very low-key form of grief. I used to get pangs when I’d read log files of old RP from a decade or more ago, coming across names I barely remembered until they were right in front of me, and suddenly my memory worked again for a few minutes while I reminisced to myself. So I made myself get rid of those log files after a few years, and it took a fair bit of weight off me. I still miss those people, but...bad idea to just keep reopening a wound.

At some point in adulthood, though, I stopped being able to just let the disappearance of friends roll off me. I don’t know when that happened; I just know that it did. Nowadays, it is my worst fear that somebody I love talking to, and who hopefully loves talking to me, will just stop, and disappear, and I’ll never know why or what happened. Maybe I develop more real attachments to people these days than I did as a teenager. Maybe that shift from “using the internet” to “being online“ significantly changed how much depth my online relationships have and I care more because there’s more to care about. Maybe I’ve just been burned too many times by the shitty ones, the gaslighters and the stalkers and the wierdoes. I don’t know.

And what bothers me most about this, the lessened ability to just let go and be okay in the silence, is that I have no idea how normal it is to be broken up by it. But I do know it fuckin’ sucks, and I do know that there has to be a limit somewhere. At what point is it no longer being a good friend who’s patiently waiting, and some form of delusion to be sitting back and hoping they’ll pop up again? Am I just missing people I care about, or is this some wierd codependent bullshit that I need to solve on my own?

This ramble has no point. I’m just feeling like shit and missing old friends and needed to write it down.

[uno-reverse-fic]

Chapter 15

Lunch had come and gone quickly, and you didn't get a chance to eat because Iida and Ochaco stuck to Izuku like glue. Though even if you did get the opportunity to eat you probably would have refused it. And so here you were, sitting in Izuku's desk, starving and utterly bored. Everything was going fine until you heard two words slip out of your teacher's mouth.

"fight training." You were not going to let Izuku leave you in his backpack all afternoon, like Katsuki had done. As the room cleared out Midoriya slid his hand in his desk and twisted his fingers lightly around you. He placed you on top of the desk, sliding a few books to the corner to shield you from view in case anyone came into the classroom.

"I'm coming with you. Whether you like it or not." You told him with the most stubborn and intimidating look could muster.

"But it's dangerous! You could get killed!" He said, trying not to sound to pessimistic.

"I'll stay in the locker room then. You can leave me with your stuff."

"I-I dont know..."

"Izuku, I am not allowing you to leave me here alone. Im coming with you, even if it means I have to stay in a sweaty disgusting boys locker room. No offense."

"Fine... but you have to do as I say, for safety reasons, okay?"

"Okay." He slid you back into his blazer pocket and ran to catch up with the rest of the group. The boys locker room was set up similar to the girls, with one large room and two smaller rooms off to the side, which were also lined with lockers and contained benches. Lucky for you the only doors were to the bathroom and the outside, which gave you plenty of room to do some exploration in your downtime. Midoriya went off to the smaller room to the right and picked a top locker in the corner. He took off his blazer and placed it inside before closing the locker. You climbed out of the pocket, only to be met with an echoing sound.

"Oi Deku! What are you doing here?!"

"Oh uh sorry Kacchan" you heard the green-haired boy reply before opening the locker and grabbing his blazer, accidentally leaving you. He closed the locker halfway before leaving and heading towards the left room. You were left behind again, this ordinarily would have angered you beyond belief, but there was a certain firecracker who just so happened to choose the locker directly next to the one you were in. And what made matters worse was that the locker was completely empty, leaving you in clear eye-shot of Bakugo, and leaving him in clear eye-shot of you. He slid off his shirt and set off those common teen girl hormones in your brain, making you turn a bright shade of red. You curled up in the corner of the locker and pulled your t-shirt over your face. You were blushing so hard you could feel it, and the fact that it was over Katsuki, the one person you hated most at the moment, made everything worse. He finally pulled on his hero-costume top, as well as his grenade-gauntlets, and left. Soon after Midoriya frantically burst into the room and opened the locker he had accidentally left you in.

"I-I'm so sorry. I thought you were still in my blazer pocket... is everything ok?"

"Y-yea..." you stuttered awkwardly. You looked up at him with your already flushed face, and the teen hormones kicked in again.

"Are you blushing?"

"Yup. I'll give you one guess why,"

"Lets see... teenage girl in a teenage boy locker room..." he looked at you with an 'are you serious' expression, before he scooped you up again and placed you on the ground next to the rest of his stuff.

"I'll be back soon." He said before standing up and walking away. And thats when you made one of the stupidest decisions you have ever made. You crept to the wall and peered around it to see if anyone was there, and just as you had hoped everyone had left. You started walking around a bit, but it took you quite a long time to get to the other side of the main room. Despite there being lockers, only Tenya used them, so there were clothes all over the locker room floor in piles to designate who's is who's. You sat down on top of a blazer to take a bit of a break, and thats when things went downhill even more. You heard shouting outside the door, you whipped your head towards it only to see Bakugo burst through it. In a panic you quickly dove into one of the blazer pockets in hope that you could stay out of his view as he stormed in your direction. And to your horror you felt the blazer being lifted into the air.

"I'm going to kill all of those idiots one of these days..." you heard him growl. He walked into the right room and laid the blazer down on the ground next to the lockers, a perfect place for you to hide under so you could sneak back to Izuku's bag. You slipped out of the pocket and kept low to the ground, you quickly darted under the lockers and pressed yourself as close to the wall as possible. You caught your breath for a minute before turning to run to safety. You went as fast as your legs could carry you and with your absolutely horrible luck you kicked a pencil and stubbed your toe. The pencil went farther than you expected and made a louder sound than you hoped for.

"What the-" Katsuki's head darted quickly in the direction of the noise and to your dismay he started walking over to investigate. You ran for cover behind one of the legs of a locker and tried your best to hold back a scream of agony from the pain in your foot. He knelt down and peered under the lockers, and you mentally cursed as he reached his hand under to see if he could feel anything. Your heart felt like it was about to burst out of your chest at any given minute, you were so close to being caught.

"Nothing. I'm starting to hallucinate aren't I?" He pulled away and sat down on the bench.

"Why... why did I have to do that. Why did she have to look at me like that. She's probably dead somewhere and its all my fault." Before he could continue the rest of the 1-A guys burst into the locker room.

"Bakubro! Is everything good?"

"Yea just shut up dumb hair." You snuck back over to Midoriya's bag after Bakugo left. Izuku walked in and rushed over to you, taking off his gloves and gently scooping you up in his hands. He placed you in a locker before changing. He pulled the locker open again and looked at you with concern.

"Was everything ok while I was gone? Kacchan god mad and stormed off back here did he see you?" he said as he placed you into his open palm.

"I'm fine, he had no idea I was here." That wasn't exactly completely true, but you didn't want Midoriya to worry too much. He slipped you back into his blazer pocket and the rest of the day carried on. Before dinner Izuku was watching TV and talking with Todoroki, Iida, Ochaco, Tsuyu, Momo, and the Bakusquad. The news report from the other day came on and everyone froze.

"Hey wasn't that the guy we were fighting the other day?" Ochaco asked.

"The one who used his quirk on Deru? Yea thats him." Momo chimed in.

"So thats the guy. He looks edgy." Mina commented. Then the quirk explanation came on and the atmosphere of the entire conversation stiffened. The woman spoke,

"His quirk gives him the ability to manipulate the size of anything he touches, however the effect doesn't sink in for about 24 hours, after something has been affected by his quirk it will stay like that until he removes the effect himself."

"Holy crap... I was right to check in the drawer wasn't I?!" Kaminari screeched. He looked Bakugo dead in the eyes and then began a mad dash to his dorm room. Bakugo leapt over the couch and sprinted towards the staircase with Kaminari, and Mina right behind him, followed by everyone else. You curled up in Izuku's sweatshirt pocket, slightly scared of what was to come. Everyone piled into the room, by the time Izuku had gotten there Ashido, Denki, and Sero were tearing the place apart. Iida and Kirishima had to physically restrain Bakugo to keep him from attacking them, and Ochaco had to get the meme trio to stop destroying Katsuki's dorm. When everyone finally calmed down Mina and Kirishima began explaining everything that they had seen, from you first getting sick right up until now.

"So we immediately assumed that Deru is somewhere in this room." Kaminari said.

"Well your wrong. I told you already that I saw her go pack some stuff up and leave." Katsuki spat.

"Well lets call her then." Mina said, pulling out her phone which rang but then went to voicemail.

"Hello you've reached the voicemail of Surō Deru. She is either busy or doesn't want to talk to you, please don't leave a message at the beep *BEEP*"

"She didn't answer. Time to go look through her room!" Kaminari said. As the group traveled towards your dorm room Iida lectured them on the fact that they shouldn't go snooping through someone else's things. Kirishima opened the door to your room and a slight feeling of sadness fell over you as the smell of your room surrounded you. The light switch was turned on, Kirshima and Mina both locked eyes onto two things, your phone, and your crocs.

"She left her phone here, thats odd isn't it, Bakugo." Mina shot, only adding to his fury.

"Her bro-crocs... HER BRO-CROCS! SHE NEVER LEAVES WITHOUT THEM!" Kirishima exclaimed.

"Well I don't have her. Can I leave now." Bakugo said.

"So wherever she is she's shoeless and phoneless." Mina said ignoring Katsuki's plea to leave. After a bit more interrogation, they gave up on Bakugo and left. Midoriya stuck around in your dorm room afterwards, shutting the door after everyone was gone. His fingers wrapped lightly around you as he pulled you out of his pocket. He sat down on your bed and placed you beside him. You looked around at the room, and everything in it, towering above you, freedom had been so close only about a day ago.

"It's nice, your room I mean." Izuku spoke, causing you to look up at him.

"Thanks..." he placed his open palm next to you and you climbed on. As he slipped you back into his sweatshirt pocket you felt happy, and for the first time in a while a genuine smile spread across your face.

MASTERLIST

[sarking]

I was tagged by @naryrising -- thanks! I’m going to tag @missparker specifically because I just saw her on my dash looking for distraction, and then I’m going to tag anyone else who is in a similar boat.

Ao3 name: Sarken

Fandoms: The ones I’ve written in are Pundit RPF and The Colbert Report FPF, Third Watch, Dallas, The Closer and Major Crimes, The X-Files FPF and RPF, Kerry/Edwards RPF, M*A*S*H, Star Trek: Voyager, Sports Night, Battlestar Galactica (2003), and Grace and Frankie. Ones I haven’t written in are Southland, Broadchurch, Prodigal Son (TV 2019), Veronica Mars, Good Omens (TV) and RPF, and The West Wing (I sort of wrote in it, but not really).

Number of fics: 204

Fic you spent the most time on: Dying in L.A. (The Only Difference Between Suicide and Martyrdom Is Press Coverage) is probably the winner at this point. I started writing it long before Sharon got promoted at the end of season five, which means... probably late 2016, maybe early 2017. It is, uh. Still going, very slowly. (I almost posted chapter three a few days ago, but I am just not entirely happy with the last scene.)

Fic you spent the least time on: I’m not sure. I have a two-sentence fic and a lot of stuff that’s in the 100-300 word range, so probably something there, although I have a couple of things in the 1000-word range that only took a few hours, too, and probably average out to fewer minutes per word than other, shorter things.

Longest fic: Modern Girls & Old-Fashioned Men, which was also the one I spent the most time on before Dying in L.A. It’s 21,000 words -- at 13,000, Dying in L.A. is going to catch up. I’ve also done fic for NaNoWriMo several times, and they’re longer, but not on AO3.

Shortest fic: I thought it was going to be the two-sentence Pundit/Political RPF fic I wrote, but it’s actually another Political RPF fic -- Three Lies Johnny Never Told, a.k.a. Sarken gets her feelings out about John Edwards’ affair. (Which, weirdly, I was just thinking about the other night.)

Most hits: Two Out of Three (Ain’t Bad), at almost 6,000. 

Most kudos: Also Two Out of Three, because of course my most popular fic is a Mulder/Scully high school AU. It has 435 kudos; my next most popular work has 148. It ain’t even close.

Most comment threads: Dying in L.A., which has 44. Unsurprisingly, multichapter WIPs get more comments. (Next are three things I wrote for Yuletide, which is also unsurprising.)

Fave fic you wrote: I will take a break from saying my true favorite and instead go with a runner up, The Taste of Her Cherry Chapstick. I think I did a good job of translating Sharon and Brenda’s dynamic to high school (granted, that’s not very hard given their immaturity when they’re together). It was basically an exercise in writing kissing and in writing less dialogue than normal and I’m pleased with the results.

Fic you want to rewrite/expand on: I’m not a rewriter -- it’s hard enough to get something out of me once, or to get a draft and a finished product out of me. But I was going to do a whole long version of my 28th Amendment Dallas fic, A Heart Pumping Blood and I’m sad that never really happened. Ditto the long story set in the universe of From Zero to One Point Eight.

Share a bit of your WIP or share a story idea that you’re planning: Uh. Surely I have something (other than the next chapter of Dying in L.A., which I think I’ve used the same bit of in twenty different memes) not terribly explicit in here somewhere. Let’s see...

The, uh. Thesugardaddymichael. That’s not, uh. That’s not porn yet.

"Like the beard," David says as they wait by the counter, and what he likes even better is the way Michael reaches up to stroke his own jawline, fingers dragging through the hair -- a subconscious flirtation, inviting David's eye to linger on the very part of him he likes.

“Do you?” Michael says, trailing his fingers down his neck. They rest in the hollow of his throat, framed by the open collar of his shirt.

David wets his dry lips and tries not to think about how good it would feel to nuzzle into that spot and close his eyes, to breathe deep and even until he forgets about press tours and call times and London crowds and trains he can't miss.

[grimelords]

Hello I’ve finished my February playlist for you. There’s no timeline on these things anymore they just come out whenever they come out it seems. A good mix, and I’m sure there’ll be at least one thing in here you’ve never heard before that you’ll like. 

Doncamatic (feat. Daley) - Gorillaz: This song is extremely traumatic for me because they released it after Plastic Beach as a standalone single and Damon Albarn said they had a whole other album worth of songs from the Plastic Beach sessions that they were thinking about releasing with Doncamatic as the lead single that just never materialised, and the idea of Plastic Beach 2 sitting on a hard drive while we get The Now Now (The Fall 2) instead is maddening.

Portait Of A Man (live) - Marlon Williams: I feel like I've used The Secret to bring this album into existence. It's exactly what I wanted from him - no studio artifice or weird genre pigeonholing and his huge voice on full display. It's incredible and long as hell and this is definitely the highlight.

Houdini Crush - Buke & Gase: I'm in love with the structure of this song. It takes SO long to get back to the chorus. It takes about three different sections in the middle and then finally gets back there and it's so satisfying because of it. You could edit this song into a tight indie pop piece but instead it has the space to go wild and jam and it's great.

AE_LIVE_KRAKOW_200914 - Autechre: Sorry but Autechre finally put all their live albums on spotify and they're very VERY good. Not the sort of thing that you want to listen to as part of a playlist exactly cause they go for an hour each but a very nice reminder nonetheless.

Sheet Metal Girl - Pig Destroyer: I think Pig Destroyer is one of the best band names I've ever heard. I found out later they meant pigs like cops which is still good but the idea of absolutely eviscerating a hog for no reason is very palpably metal. Just looked up the lyrics and this song seems to literally about having sex with a girl made out of sheet metal. Good!

Horizon - Aldous Harding: I absolutely love this song and the way she says 'babe' lights my brain up like a christmas tree. Every now and then I think about when you’ll die baaaaabe.

Born Slippy (Nux) - Underworld: There's a good bit on the Genius page for this song that says "Lots of 1990s acts helped popularize techno, but in Karl Hyde, Underworld had something that was the exclusive province of rock bands: a totally full-of-it frontman who sounded cool." and it's interesting that Underworld and The Prodigy are the biggest names to survive that time and still be at least slightly relevant now. No matter how much you put into your instrumentals nothing can really compare to just having an insane guy yell a bunch of garbage over it.

A Change Is Going To Come - Baby Huey & The Baby Sitters: This is like all good all normal and then he does that huge squeal at 2 minutes in and you're rocked to your core and then it only gets bigger and bigger and better from there. Also maybe one of the best mid song monologues I've ever heard.

No Signal (feat. Roy Woods) - 24hrs: The whole thing of emo rap mirroring mid 2000s emo is still so strange because it's not just the mindset and content being repurposed it's the literal melodic conventions. Change the instrumentation of this song and it's melodically just an emo song. Very strange, but this song is great regardless.

De Aqui No Sales - Cap.4: Disputa - Rosalia: Rosalia rocks and I only just found out El Guincho co-produced this album which is very exciting to me. I love the way this song feels like it never really gets to the big build up it's promising. It has a big intro for about half the song and then when it feels like it's about to blow up when the handclaps come in it just sits in that groove for a while and ends. I also feel like I should mention the video for this song because it's like the platonic ideal of a music video. It's got everything you could ask for. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AvGt2BcDl_g

Glass Jar - Gang Gang Dance: Here's how good brains are: I had a sudden urge to listen to this album the other day but couldn't remember what it was called or who it was by, only the album cover, but for some reason locked away in my brain was the fact that it was from 2011 so I just looked through Pitchfork's Best Of 2011 list until I recognised it. Incredible. Anyway I'm so glad I did because I ended up having a huge phase with this album. They walk the fine line of psychedelic jammy bands like this of taking up a lot of space with atmospherics but it never feeling like it's lost momentum. Even when this song takes fully half of its 11 minute runtime to properly get started it never feels like wasted time somehow, it's always moving somewhere.

Heavyweight - Infected Mushroom: It's unbelievable that this song's good because it absolutely shouldn't be. The unholy mix of goa trance and metal usually reserved for Command And Conquer soundtracks is so unbelievably naff that it's come all the way around again and I absolutely love it.

Black Static - Health: I'm still absolutely furious about Pitchfork giving this album a 3 and not particularly for the score but because it's some of the worst Pitchfork Writing I've seen in a quite a while. They tried to cancel them for calling the album Slaves Of Fear I think: "The “we,” it seems, refers to the slaves, the slaves of fear, and if I try any harder to connect the dual sensation of edginess and laziness with slavery, the all-American institution that killed and brutalized millions of people for hundreds of years, I am going to have to take a long walk into the sun." Not sure about that. Anyway this song's great sorry for talking about a review instead of the song!

Burn Bridges - The Grates: Twee pop is an underrated genre and The Grates are an underrated band because they brought so much attitude and power to it it's hardly twee at all. It's huge and it rocks!

Girlfriend (feat. Lil Mama) - Dr. Luke Mix - Avril Lavigne: Sorry for putting Dr Luke on your dash in 2019 but this is mostly for Lil Mama. Removing Avril's verses and replacing them with Lil Mama but keeping the chorus and big guitars makes it sound like a lost Girl Talk song and it's so, so much better than the original. There's also a good bit in this where she really puts a lot of emphasis on saying 'Jennifer Hudson' and the weird harmony vocals in the background mirror it which I like a lot.

Panic Switch - Silversun Pickups: It seems like Silversun Pickups had no lasting impact beyond being one hit wonders for Lazy Eye which is so strange to me because their first two albums were absolutely solid. This is also a good example of totally nonsense lyrics feeling like they have meaning because the melody it so good.

3 - Seekae: It's very strange now to think that Alex Cameron was in Seekae. But that's not important. What is important is how good this song is. In the extremely narrow genre of Mount Kimbie-ites +Dome really stood out to me as album from guys who really got it. It's extremely catchy music but it still sounds like nothing you've ever heard before which when you think about it sounds like it should be impossible.

Shooting Stars - Bag Raiders: Bag Raiders did a little Song Exploder thing for Triple J about this song a little while ago and pointed out something I'd never noticed before which is that this song has the extremely strange structure of 1 really long verse, breakdown, 1 really long chorus, end. Which is.... completely amazing. And also that this song blew up and charted higher than it ever had before via memes like 6 years after it came out is still bizarre. Remember when it was in the video for Swish Swish by Katy Perry? God I hope they got paid a million dollars for that.

Romantic Rights (Erol Alkan's Love From Below Re-Edit) - Death From Above 1979: Huge fan of this remix that seems to just drop the full song unedited right in the middle. The perfect way to remix an already great song - just make it longer.

Dwa Serduszka - Joanna Kulig: I saw Cold War and subsequently couldn't get this song out of my head. I loved that movie so much but I also extremely agreed when @cyborgbree said the ending was like a Simpsons parody or foreign movies.

Holes - Mercury Rev: This song gives me depression and makes me feel like I'm sorting through old records and merch from my old band that tried really hard but never got anywhere even though I've never even been in a band. That's the power of music!

It's Never Over (Hey Orpheus) - Arcade Fire: Reflektor is a great and underrated album and to this day I am still finding new things to love about it! Namely this song which I've never paid much attention to before but massively jumped out at me last time I listened. It's a 3 note riff but it's absolutely amazing.

Dance Your Life Away - Audiobooks: Huge fan of having the gall to name your band Audiobooks and a huge fan of this song! It sounds like if Life Without Buildings was a dance band, which is a theoretically perfect idea. It sounds like she's just making the words up on the spot and she probably is and it's absolutely great.

Everything (Deathless) - JW Ridley: I'm so glad that War On Drugs brought heartland rock back for the masses and finally gave us back extended guitar solos outside of a metal or prog context. It is so inspiring what you can do with two chords and a propulsive groove.

Unmarked Helicopters - Soul Coughing: Sorry for continually putting Soul Coughing in these playlists but check out how good this song they did for the X Files movie soundtrack was. 'check out this Soul Coughing song they did for the X Files movie soundtrack' is a very specific kind of 90s sentence. Anyway the 'black black black black and blacker' part with the distortion on the vocals is so good, love it lots.

Don't Sit Down Cause I've Moved Your Chair - Arctic Monkeys: I saw Arctic Monkeys a couple of weeks ago and it was amazing but also extra good because they played this song that I'd completely forgotten about and it went off. The Josh Homme produced Arctic Monkeys albums are very good because his fingerprints are all over them and they sound like Queens Of The Stone Age covers.

What Can I Do If The Fire Goes Out? - Gang Of Youths: It's fucked up how good this song is. I listened to it the other day and was like 'what the fuck how come I never listened to Gang Of Youths second album that much? But then I kept going and realised it was 70 minutes long and had about five interlude tracks on it. I love Gang Of Youths but they need a producer that will yell at them until they make a 40 minute album. Fuck this song's good though. So good I'm mad I haven't seen it live yet.

Shark Smile - Big Thief: I don't even know the words to this song or what it's about but it makes me cry anyway. I'm very glad I found out about Big Thief this month, like two years after everyone else. Their description on Bandcamp says "Listening to Big Thief is like the feeling of looking at a dog and suddenly marvelling that it is like you but very not like you; when you are accustomed to looking at a dog and thinking 'dog', watching Big Thief is like forgetting the word 'dog' and looking at that naked animal and getting much closer to it and how different it is to you" which is a certainly a way to feel.

Inhaler - Foals: I don't know how I've avoided it but I've never really gotten much into Foals even though they have multiple songs that I really really love, this one being one of them. I think it's an amazing piece of recording simply for how huge it gets. This song swells to about ten times its original size as the chorus hits before totally deflating again. Also a huge fan of anyone that can make a Battles riff work in a conventional song like this does.

Red Bull & Hennessy - Jenny Lewis: Another fantastic song in the long pantheon of great songs about getting twisted and being horny. The isolated 'ohh' after 'all we've been through' feels like a real Shania Twain piece of production and I love it. Also the drums on this song are absolutely massive for some reason which is very cool.​

listen here

[the-wardens-torch]

HEYYY its that awesome detailed character profile meme that was going around 2-3 months ago!  Which is when @theseventhdawn tagged me with it. Sorry for taking forever. Long work weeks and ShB have killed me but its lovely to rekindle those OC feels. As for people to tag who haven’t been tagged already; @luckiselki (whichever of your characters you like!) and @helboar

Pronunciation:  fal-uhr-in are-sit-uh.

Nicknames: Just… Fal.  His adopted mother was known to call him “Sunny Blue” now and then. Short-lived inside joke names include Local Fal and Lord of the Pants. (I wish I could say that someone once called him Fail-urine Fartcita, but he’s never had a 90s high school sit com bully.)

Height: 5’11

Age: 22

Zodiac: Virgo (Sept 16 - I chose September entirely because its Azeyma’s dedicated month in Eorzean astrology.)

Languages: Common, Seeker Miqo’te Huntspeak (woefully out of practice,) a few words/phrases/songs in other languages (he‘s particularly proud of the Xaelic folk songs he‘s picked up recently. )

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS.

Hair:  Black, straight and waist-length with messy fringe and sideburns. Usually worn in a loose braid or ponytail - he knows a few more complex hair-braiding techniques, but he somehow just can’t manage to do them on his own hair.

Eyes: Bright royal blue; hooded and on the long and narrow side.

Skin tone: A sort of burnt sienna with darker freckles on his cheeks, shoulders and back.

Body type: Especially long and skinny for a Hyur - he weighs less than most Hyurs his height. Has a bit of lean muscle on his arms and legs from doing a lot of traveling and archery practice as a kid.

Accent: South Seas

Dominant hand: Right

Posture: Very loose and casual with friendly, open body language and liberal use of gestures in conversation. Often shifts his weight from one foot to the other.  Rarely stands/sits up totally straight. Seems incapable of sitting in a chair and keeping both of his feet on the floor at the same time.

Scars: A very noticeable one over his left eye running from hairline to mid-cheek, a smaller one along his jaw line (usually covered by his sideburns) and a third horizontally crossing his right shoulder.

Tattoos: None

Most noticeable features:  Most people are taken aback by how deep his voice is if they hear him at roughly the same time they see him. Other than that, the color of his eyes is rather striking, and he’s kind of an odd dresser… Pointy mage hats, skirts, crop tops, leather jewelry, etc.

CUT BECAUSE I AM SELF CONSCIOUS ABOUT CLOGGING UR DASH.

CHILDHOOD.

Place of birth: Cieldalaes islands.

Hometown:  A small port town from which he derives his last name.

Manner of birth: Covert.

First words: “song”

Siblings: He has two half-brothers and one half-sister on his mother’s side, all older by at least 5 years… I haven’t named them or given them personalities, and they don’t know about him… yet.

Parents: Mother Roxane Seaborne; Inn manager living in the Cieldalaes whom he has never met. Father Uther Alcyone; Arcanist living in Idyllshire from whom he was estranged until very recently.

Parental involvement: He hasn’t seen his mother since his birth - it broke her heart to give him away, although she gave up her feelings for his father shortly after he was conceived.  She feels tremendously guilty for what she did and bemoans her selfishness to this day.

His father (despite knowing about him from his birth) only started to show an interest in him a year or two ago (when he started displaying magical talent.) Fal is trying to salvage a relationship from this but isn’t holding his breath - dad’s interest in him seems to be purely intellectual.

He was mostly raised by one N‘elyrha Kikitu, a Miqo’te Bard - she took good care of him and instilled in him self-assurance and a great passion for stories and song, but they were always traveling, and she tried to raise him tough and independent… Which is probably why he craves affection and intimacy.  

ADULT LIFE

Occupation: Freelance musician and leatherworker.  He’ll moonlight as an adventurer now and then, (Arcanist/Summoner) but only for a damn good reason.

Current residence: Eidolons free company house, the lavender beds… I forgot his address.

Close friends: Reonora Aestethe, Sunnthota Rymmharrwyn, T’Majaan Tia, likely your character if I weren’t so scared to RP.

Relationship status: Restlessly single.

Financial status:  Can afford food, a single room, and the occasional splurge… most of the time.

Driver’s license: He’s inexperienced, but he likes to ride and is getting the hang of it.

Criminal record: Trespassing, vagrancy, loitering, public nudity nuisance - all your basic hobo crimes.

Vices: Casual sex.

SEX & ROMANCE.

Sexual orientation: Pansexual

Romantic orientation: Panromantic

Preferred emotional role:  submissive | dominant | switch (he adapts well.)

Preferred sexual role:  submissive |  dominant  |  switch |  sex repulsed  (there I finally said it.)

Turn ons:  Fal’s a sexual character but honestly I’m just not any good at portraying that side of him.  Errr… if my tiny bit of writing that includes his sex life is any indication, he’s attracted to awkwardly sincere men and bold, witty women. Apparently he also has a thing for backless clothing.

Turn offs: Condescension, entitlement, dominant/pushy personalities, touching his hair without asking.

Love language: His hands will always be on you/all over you, whether those hands are chastely patting your shoulders or clamped lewdly on your ass.  Lots of reassuring pats, hugs, face touches, fingers in your hair, etc. Looking at you silently and smiling. Small, eclectic gifts (single flowers, pieces of brightly colored sea glass, handmade trinkets, feathers, scribbled out lines of old poems, etc.) because he “saw it and thought of you.” Lots of songs sung to you for the same reason.  

Relationship tendencies: He tends to think of sex and romance as separate concepts that fulfill different needs. He loves emotional involvement but believes it’s really hard to do and hurts a lot when it goes bad… Sometimes you just need to get railed into the next astral era without any strings attached (I’m sure there’s a shibari or generalized BDSM joke in here somewhere but I don‘t think that’s his thing hahaffff.) If he found a relationship where he could get both from the same person at the same time, it’d be the Best. Thing. Ever.

MISCELLANEOUS.

Hobbies to pass the time:  Leatherwork, dropping in at friends’ houses unexpectedly, occasional archery and botany - just to clear his mind and keep his skills sharp. He’s also recently started to read extensively - mostly poetry and literature from around the world (if he can find it translated into common that is.)

Mental illnesses:  None.

Physical illnesses:  Meat “allergy” - eating flesh of any sort causes him acute gastrointestinal distress. This annoys him greatly and he still tries to eat meat every few years to see if he’s “grown out of it.” He hasn’t.

Fears: Abandonment and loss most of all. He also hates walking on elevated flooring that moves (scaffolding, suspension bridges, etc.) especially if he can see the ground through it.

Self confidence level: Mostly good.  He knows that he‘s likeable and good at what he does, and is generally pretty comfortable with himself and his life. He’s totally fearless in social situations and while performing - its pretty hard to intimidate, heckle, shame, demoralize or embarrass him.  In combat situations is another story. He hasn’t enjoyed a single fight he’s been in, though he’s reasonably good at throwing his comrades off of his trail with quips and witty remarks - just because he likes being with them and doesn’t want them to worry.

Vulnerabilities: Doesn’t know when to shut up.  Emotionally impulsive. Hides/bottles up negative emotions with occasional disastrous results.  Can crumple under stress (especially battlefield stress.) Powerful but unrefined and uneducated when it comes to magic.

[maryellencarter]

memed from @camshaft22 , originally an askbox meme but it's short enough that i can just have opinions at all of it rather than waiting to have the free time to get out of the house and answer asks. (i still have at least a few askmeme questions sitting in my inbox from like a month or two ago... :P)

1. do you find force users or non-force users more interesting? -- non-force users by a mile. there could theoretically be exceptions, like if anybody really got deeply into alternate perceptions / interpretations of the force rather than just kind of toeing the jedi party line as established in the movies, but i haven't seen any that really grab me.

2. which character do you want to be most like? -- oh, now there's a hell of a question. both this and the next one, really. see, let's start at the beginning: when i was a very smol tortoise watching a star war, and by smol i mean like eighteen because that's when i first saw a star war... when i was a smol, i wanted to be han solo (not least because he was hot in a very conventionally masculine way, do not underestimate the importance of that to a smol afab tortoise programmed with much body-loathing ;P), but i identified a lot more with chewbacca. i mean, let's be honest, i was not in great psychological shape as a tiny, and this particular oddment is something i'm still very much sorting out, but: from tiny!jt's perspective, at least, han+chewie is a nonromantic primary relationship that gets displaced by the han/leia primary romantic relationship. but it's still (from anything you see onscreen in the ot) primary *to chewie* even after it becomes secondary to han. that kind of nonreciprocal primary relationship, tagging around after someone who would let me express that kind of devotion and not find it creepy even after they inevitably found a "real", romantic relationship that would be more important to them than me, was the best endgame i could imagine for myself, and frankly i felt like it was way too much to hope for within my own species. i may have spent rather a while wishing i was a dog or something, so that it would be acceptable and appropriate for me to want the most important relationship in my life to be nonromantic. tiny!jt was a *mess*. this was way before i got into fandom, so i didn't really work through it at all or write it down anywhere, either.

uh. that got long. continued under the next question.

3. which character are you actually most like? -- so anyway. yeah. to continue. then i found my way into legends (then still the eu but yanno) and the x-wing books. and then there was wes. ^_^ it would be several more years before i even figured out i *had* ptsd, but here was somebody who had ptsd that presented almost exactly like mine but was also stable and functional and not-depressed and in fact actually cheerful. not to mention he was *also* hot and male and most importantly human, but still showed the kind of undemanding loyalty i was aiming towards, and had it accepted.

(which last is partly because wedge is an oblivious noodle, but still. ^_^ honestly that's probably something to analyze when i'm not one-finger typing on my phone: how much of that kind of relationship being a goal for me is just me being wired kind of subby, and how much is the abuse thing where asking for any kind of emotional reciprocation is Wrong and Too Much. :P)

uh. i had a point here somewhere. um. so i wanted to grow up to be wes, but i didn't think that was an attainable goal. i felt sort of more like wedge with the duty and guilt and everything, but wedge is also way more of a leader than i am, so that's a thing. honestly there was a point there where i felt most like cheriss, just kind of... trying to grow up and dealing with a whole bunch of life shit and intermittently wanting to die a lot. ;P

and now apparently i *am* growing up to be wes and i'm still not sure what to do with that, besides writing a lot of fanfic (which is what i am doing). and trying to figure out the whole subby brain thing. and the executive dysfunction thing. and the not wanting leadership positions thing. and still working on the ptsd thing. and the self-esteem thing. there's a lot.

i'm less wedge, though. which is good. less catholic guilt is always nice.

4. what headcanon will you defend to the death? -- er. i'm not really sure i have any of those. as opposed to just canon things i will make sure people remember and acknowledge. maybe the hoth cuddle pile? you will never convince me the rogues on hoth did not sleep in a giant cuddle pile.

5. what planet would you most like to visit? -- i frankly don't know enough about star wars planets to give a shit.

6. what planet would you most like to live on? -- ditto. not taanab, for sure. mini rancors (and possibly 46-hour days if you don't just disdain that as illogical made-up numbers they threw into the planet guide for variety's sake... ;P I have opinions)

7. who do you hope you never meet? -- of the characters? pretty much any of the bad guys, but my first thought is vader.

8. what is one thing you would change about any movie, show, book, etc? -- ahahahahaaaaaaa. just one? i can't pick. can i say fix all the things about tlj that made me go "okay never watching that"? because there were at least four or five just among the spoilers that i heard. like if it had to be just one i'd make it so poe doesn't disregard chain of command, because that's the one that's making it so i can't rewatch tfa *either*, but from everything i hear, that movie was a hot mess. (alternatively, can i just change the fandom so that people stop saying "if you don't love tlj unquestioningly you're a reddit douchebro!"? because i don't want to unfollow roguepod on twitter but unless i block literally everyone *they* follow there's no way for me to keep that particular Hot Take off my dash and it's consistently re-infuriating me. :P)

uh. i have feelings, apparently. ;P

9. have you ever made fanart or fanfic? do you make edits or any other fan content? -- so much fanfic. so much. i counted last night and just the fics i haven't published yet add up to somewhere around 80k words.

10. do you think the jedi were right or wrong? -- i think the jedi were self-important douchenozzles with a habit of being wrong whenever the plot demanded it. is this a reference to something specific they were right or wrong about? i don't think they have the one true view of the force, and i think they're obnoxious about thinking they do, much like many other religions, so there's that.

11. who is the most underrated character? -- new canon, finn. or rose, possibly, not that i've seen her, because see above re hot mess. old canon, hobbie.

12. do you care who rey’s parents are? -- honestly, i'm at the point in dealing with an open canon where i cannot give fuck about any of the unanswered questions, the upcoming releases, or anything that might happen in the future at all. i haven't even read thrawn alliances. i am Over It, and that is about 99% the fault of the people who keep calling me a reddit douchebro by association. i probably won't see epIX unless kat or sophia tells me i absolutely have to. i'm a legends-only fan at this point. i didn't want to be, i like getting excited about new things, but every time i try it, people are douchewaffles and it's depressing. :P

13. if you could resurrect one dead character, or prevent them from dying, who would it be? -- new canon, hobbie. old canon, there are so damn many options, but probably mara or pellaeon.

14. what is your favorite alien species? -- i'm not sure i actually have an opinion. i have lots of favorite alien characters but like... idek. star wars has a bunch of really well designed alien species and they're all cool.

15. who would you like to bang? -- honestly i don't really care about banging any of the characters. shipping them is more fun. although i would let princess general leia step on me, whether in a sexy way or not.

16. which movie/episode have you watched the most? -- probably anh. the falcon's flying sfx aren't as good as in esb, but if you watch esb without rotj it's just a downer, and i don't really enjoy rotj. like it just doesn't click with me.

17. what is your favorite line? -- uh. from the movies, or from all the star war? uh. either way that's a hell of a question. the one i quote the most from the movies is definitely "we're all fine here, how are you?", but that's more just... versatile. from the books, my favorite is obviously one of allston's, but i'm not sure i could *pick*.

18. what is your favorite star wars book or comic? -- starfighters of adumar. because it is the best one. objectively. ^_^

19. what’s your opinion on legends/expanded universe? -- i'm extremely glad it isn't canon anymore (see also my issues with open canons, but also a significant amount of it was just trash) and extremely glad it's still around.

20. what do you hope will happen in future movies? -- i have no hope. hope is dead. i am, as previously mentioned, Over It. (let oscar isaac kiss john boyega onscreen)

21. if you could switch any character’s gender, who would it be and why? -- in canon? no. there's no point in turning a lady character into a dude, and neither the creators nor the fans are capable of handling anyone who's currently a dude being written as a lady or nb type, even if it was retroactive and they'd always been written that way. just no. it would go Badly. :P

that said. in fanfic? and i am so not capable of writing this yet but i want to. in like five years when we're all living in caves scratching our fanfics on bone. i want to see a cis afab wes janson who just hasn't internalized any of those lessons about not taking up space. who's still brash and loud and enthusiastic and flirtatious and just... female. who doesn't feel any need to explain that she doesn't (or does) want kids, or acknowledge anybody else's opinion about how she dresses or who she fucks. who's smart and badass and competent and out to have fun. and like... *pulls hair* i mean you know the trope. a sexy lady character who knows she's sexy will pretty much always at least consider sleeping her way to the top or whatever. (tim zahn, seriously, stop using that trope. it's not edgy.) i want to see lady!wes dressing up all fancy because it's fun and she enjoys having people admire her body, and like just... not even considering ever having sex for any other reason than "i am attracted to that person, i wonder if they'd like to bang". like it's hard to demonstrate a negative but you know if you read a story like that, where it wasn't called out but just there, your brain would go all fidgety and "what the fuck something is not normal here". or at least mine would. but you know? :S apparently i have a lot of feelings about this too. like trying to portray a lady who's that confident and... and undamaged by misogyny, would be a hell of a thing.

22. favorite droid? -- bb-8. the cutest smol. target has a kit to turn a pumpkin into a bb-8 and i swear i'm thinking about getting a funkin to do that to. even though i already have a bb-8 penny bank and a bb-8 lanyard in storage.

23. what’s your favorite star wars musical piece or theme? -- i'm not great at identifying pieces of music so i'm just gonna go with the opening crawl music.

24. how do you pronounce twi’lek? -- i don't. ^_^ more specifically, i do kind of pronounce it in my head when i read, but it's sort of... neither twee-lek nor twye-lek, but something sort of in between that isn't quite a schwa and might involve an umlaut. Sort of Twülek, if you said it with an Austrian accent. That probably doesn't help at all. XD

25. which character do you have a love/hate relationship with? -- This keeps being a question. I'm honestly not sure I *do* love-hate relationships. I'm like Tinkerbell, I only have room for one emotion at a time. ^_^ Especially with fictional characters, I either love them or hate them. (Unless they're completely meh and I just forget about them, that happens sometimes.)

[kveom]

My first follow forever (wOW)!!!! cya 2017!!

It’s so crazy to think that at the start of this year the only Seventeen I knew was the number… and now, whenever I hear the number seventeen, the first thing I think of is the group of 13 boys that brightened up my 2017.

After my introduction to seventeen came my introduction to this fandom and to some really beautiful people. I’m so grateful to all of you for being so welcoming, and filling my dash with posts that are memetastic, creative, beautiful and filled with the awesomeness of 13 precious boys. Oh! Also, thanks for brightening up my dash with awesome tags as well hehheheh. I hope 2018 treats you all with the happiness and love you deserve 💕💕

So for my mutuals I thought I’d write out my first impressions of each of you or the first post I saw from you (i’m really cheesy okay). Most of them I remember, but for the few I couldn’t, I wrote down the post that is most memorable for me or what I love about you/your blog :))

Also, it isn’t in alphabetical order... eep too lazy

@dokyeoms-angel - ’wow she loves dk as much as i do... i love her’

@17dad - i was a bit like ‘lol wut’ at your url because you were one of the first blogs i followed (and i was still getting to know svt) so i didn’t know how much of a dad scoups was

@kwoncoups - i followed you when you were imhobi and i remember thinking your url was for hoshi (even though i’d never heard hoshi being referred to as hobi idk) because i didn’t know hobi was jhope’s nickname lmao

@exxtramint - the first thing i saw from you was this vocal unit gifset and it was an instant follow hehe

@pechajun - i’m pretty sure i started following you when you were lunarjun and i rly liked your username ^^

@powerfulhoshi - this is the first gifset i saw from you and the font and the gifs and everything was soooo clean and nice!!!!!

@bubkwan - i wanted to steal your description

@hoshi-ssi - i’m pretty sure it was hoshi’s palm fairy gifset that made me follow because... yes... that’s the content i’m here for

@junshva - i found your layout so beautiful <3333 esp. that picture of seokmin *-*

@kyoem - i think this was the first i saw from you, but even if it wasn’t, it’s amazinggggg

@mvngyu - ‘heehee the sidebar is so cute’

@swimmingfool - this!!!! freaking!!!! edit!!!!! <3333

@jeong-hanie - beautiful gifs, must follow

@keyboardaegyo - i thought your theme(+ navi page) was really cuteee!!!

@vernons-laugh-is-my-aesthetic - ‘memes??? um YES’

@jeonwoooo - okay, this one is probably the creepiest... i thought ‘ooh i like their name’

@wonnwoo- i loveeee your wonwoo starsign edit

@santascoups - read your desc + about page and thought you seemed cool lmao

@the1the8 - i think the first thing i saw of yours was that simple but gorgeous chocolate edit <333

@woenoo - i thought your tag for wonwoo was so cute wnfnadssndk

@wonshu - will always remember you as the one to tag me in that lethal dk photoset... so there’s a love/hate relationship (jk i love)

@leejhs - tbvh, your love for milk tea is what i remember

@dearseventeen - ’this theme is sooo cuteeeeeeeee... dino!!!!’

@vitaminniedk - ‘they love dk, i love them’

@myungho - tbh your url kept coming up on my dash because of follow forevers/mentions and i was like this person must be really cool lmao (and you are)

@96kwon - your memes 😂

@rappershua- *reads* lee seokmin; you’re my love (on your navi) ‘SOLD’

@jeongahn - i found your layout so beautiful!!!!!

@7unhui - saw this and... yeah...

@jisoostar - this was the first post i saw from you and it was amazing (colours!!!) and i also thought ‘why haven’t i seen that photo of dk, he looks so good skdnfjdfsn’

@wonhuis - i love that you’re a tag talker hehehe

@bbaksu - i love your rocket edit *-* (it also might’ve been the first edit i saw from you but i can’t 100% remember)

@jishua - 'this secret santa is so sweet lfmslmdf’

@pitdae - ‘only an awesome person can write this about page’ (and thank you for awesome gifs ^^)

@pinktomatocat - this edit made me cri follow, it’s so nice!!!

@kwoncity - ’wow they know their stuff’ (was reading your answers about music and yeah)

@chiwoopsie - the ‘types of carats during comeback season’ post was the first one i saw from you. it’s gold <333

@hoshidotcom - ’i like my soonyoungs spicy’ yes okay that’s a follow

@captainoates - thank you for everything you provide for this fandom <3333

@boosonseok - lmao this post

@xiyeonah - ’wow... her dk tags.... are me....’

@zeonghan - i’ve said it before but you’re a cOOL person

@softmanscoups - ’this one’s a riot’ / i still remember when dk was your bias and there was one post about slushies and tongues lmao... i will never forget

@seokmins-thighs - i don’t think you had this url when i followed you but it said somewhere that this used to be your username and i thought ’they should totally go back to seokmins-thighs’ (also, the fact that you have a tag for his thighs... thank you // edit: i’m going through that tag now and your tags are gold 😂😂 i luv dk stans)

@bangtanbombdotcom - this one’s probably the most vague but... it was some sort of text post about seventeen that made me follow you but i can’t remember lol (it might’ve been talking about their dancing or just praising them, but anyway i agreed so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

@cafewoozi - (you were meant to be down there ↓ like a day ago but now you’re here and that’s amazing) ‘pastel everywhere 😍’ *reads description* ‘ahhh’

@sunshine-turkey - ‘sunshine-turkey... interesting url’ lmao

If we’re mutuals and you’re not here, pls let me know!!! and if you’re up there ^ and we’re not mutuals... hope you had fun reading my first impression anyway!!!

I know i’m the worst mutual ever because people scare me but I hope you know that I love and appreciate all of you!!!

The rest aren’t mutuals, but are still blogs I adore <33

@woozzi, @camera-seventeen, @verngyu, @12fools, @incorrect7teen, @svt-laughing, @happydk, @17cuties, @amemericans, @pledisboys, @yoonjeonghannie, @gyuofficial, @17hateblog, @seungkwa, @dokyummm, @juunshua, @adoreu-carat @livelovelunch, @je0nghans  + my whole blogroll (also there are some blogs who i constantly reblog from or who make me laugh but i can’t remember the urls so... there’s that // there’s one in particular i tried to find but i can’t remember :(( )

okay, now this is gonna get real extra but here are some special mentions lmao:

@verymerryotl - when i was first getting into svt your analyses were really interesting and helpful, so thank you for writing them ^^

@pabospoiler- your giffing of dk actually made me start giffing because i wanted to make him shine like you do :) (even though i’m doing a bad job of it lmao)

@fyseokmin - *bows down* you really make my dash a happier place (you might not see this bc you’re on hiatus but i hope you’re doing okay <333)

@kristian-do - thank you so much for everything you do for this fandom!!! i know you’ve said before that you’re not sure how long you can maintain your blog for, and i hope that when the time comes, you put yourself first ❤️

@jisoosmeoli - the first person to talk to me on tumblr!! thanks for dealing with this socially awkward weirdo >< you’re awesome 💕💕

@raphamster - thanks for being dk trash with me 💖💕❤️ i’m so glad i made that post about seungkwan being the best person ever :))

Happy new year!!!! Kick 2018 in the behind 😎

The last part is just a cheesy thank you to seventeen, which you don’t have to read if you don’t want to (and i couldn’t put it under a read more, sorry) -- this is kinda something I don’t want people to see but I also do because it needs to be said and I want to show people how wonderful seventeen is

so halfway through the year i found out about seventeen. i’d never stanned a kpop group before and i never really wanted to, just because of the emotional toll it would take on me. but seventeen pretty much said ‘nuh uh, coming through’ and... yeah... and i’m so grateful for that :’)

discovering seventeen this year has helped me a lot. these boys just radiate happiness and love, and you can’t not feel it. i’m a really (negative) emotional person, so if i get one whiff of sadness or anger, either from others or myself, i fall into this dark hole of negative emotions, which i usually just wait out. but now, whenever i’m in that dark hole, i can watch some seventeen videos or listen to their music and my heart will feel a bit lighter. i mostly watch their dance practices idk why?? maybe because it makes me feel so proud??? oh, also their performances!! which shows how much of an impact their stage presence/energy has. anyway, just watching them do anything really fills me with warmth and all these good emotions that override the bad. even just daydreaming about what it’s like to be part of their lives, surrounded by that bubble of joy and love they create gets me through it :)

they also made me realise that i need to surround myself with people who make me love life. i have a circle of friends but we’re not super close and i used to be fine with that, but learning about these boys and how important they are to each other made me realise that i shouldn’t settle for that. i need a friend that i can tell anything to, to lean on when i need to (and who’ll listen to me talk about seventeen all day). they give me hope that i’ll find friends like that, who i’ll treat like family. they also reinforce my belief that everything happens for a reason. can you imagine if scoups or woozi had debuted before the rest?? or if seungkwan ended up in jyp?? but nope, they all found each other and they adore each other so much while creating AMAZING music, so they give me hope for the future :) 

i wanted to write another paragraph about dk but i’ll just say this: he reminds me of all the good things in the world and he can make me smile like no other 💖💖

so to sum this up, i want to thank the 13 beautiful boys of seventeen for making my 2017 a bit brighter just by being them :)) go and make 2018 your year like you did 2017, but look after yourselves!! i hope you carry this joy for life and love for one another into the new year 💕💓💖❤️💕💞💘💚💛💙💜❤️💕 

[hachiibun]

Dank A to Z Meme

Rules: Answer the questions in a new post and tag 10 blogs you would like to get to know better

Eyy, thanks for the tag @kotyonoksnz

a - age: 21 (I turn 22 this year though)

b - birthplace: Somewhere in the heart of the Philippines

c - current time: 11:27 am

d - drink you last had: Not counting water, some new drink from McDonalds

e - easiest person to talk to: My nephew or my cousin, they were like my little brothers growing up

f - *current* favourite song: So you know that sushi striker trailer song probably Rockabye

g - grossest memory: I had a bad meal one time before going parasailing and threw up while we were in the air. No one on the boat pulling us seemed to notice for some reason. Then when they pulled us in, they saw my mess and dunked us in the open sea to clean us up before letting us on the boat. It was fun and mildly terrifying. 

h - horror yes or horror no: I love horror, though I’m mostly into psychological or supernatural stuff. I follow a lot of horror web series. I have a reputation among friends for being that one guy who can deal with horror stuff easily, but I refuse to watch horror movies in cinemas. My one weakness.

i - in love?: with my studies Nah

j - jealous of people?: I compare myself to people often, though I’m trying to break that habit. I get jealous if someone pulls characters I like in gacha games.

l - love at first sight or should i walk by again?: I think learning more and understanding someone is important for feelings to grow into love.

m - middle name: I won’t say, but it’s pretty uncommon. It has a dash in it.

n - number of siblings: Two (2) older sisters, like waaay older

o - one wish: Rn, I wanna get my masters degree

p - person you called last: Customer support 2 days ago when my internet was out (turns out the whole block lost internet)

q - question you are always (often) asked: What are you majoring in? It’s Physics.

r - reason to smile: It’s Wrestlemania weekend and I have no class on Monday It usually makes other people smile too :D

s - song you sang last: Symphony

t - time you woke up: Somewhere around 9 am

u - underwear colour: Like right now? Grey

v - vacation destination: Idk, really. My family just drags me around anywhere. I like beaches, I guess? As long as there’s internet

w - worst habit: I'm prone to procrastination. Why do you think I take ages to post drawings on here? (I’m kidding, I’m just slow at drawing)

x - x-rays: I've only ever had my chest scanned when it was required.

y - your favourite food: Depends, really... I guess the safest answer is pizza? As long as there’s no seafood on it.

z - zodiac sign: Time to tip the scales!

I know the rules say to tag 10 people but... @tsunderekushami @sfanimeakahana @caramelfuzz  That’s... almost a third of the way to 10. I’m bad at tagging but I do wanna get to know you all more :’D

[nikiforoov]

ahhh i’m finally home, so let’s do the yoi ask meme!! ♥ answers are under the cut bc this got a bit long, so hopefully it works! thank you for playing anon, @theexitgarden @afirewasinmyhead and @tenacioustempest / @fanfarefolly ♥

yuri on ice ask meme! send me a number? 

1. how did you find out about the show?

i think the first time i came to know about yoi was when the trailer appeared on my dash? that was like..... a lifetime ago. i remember watching it, thinking it looked nice and then i just forgot about it until gifs began showing up! i was very skeptic bc it seemed like yet another “bait” animu but then came the fateful day aka october 20th when i saw this gifset and felt like not giving yoi a chance might be the worst mistake of my life, and it really would have been ♥

4. least favorite character and why? ohhhh this is actually really difficult! i don’t have a character that i wouldn’t like, so i think i’ll have to go with who i care the least about? i’m gonna cheat a little and say that it has to be either mickey or minami, bc neither one of them managed to make a huge impression on me and i tend to forget they even exist :/

8. favorite free skate? yuri on ice, always. i love stammi vicino from the bottom of my heart but yuri on ice is just....... wow? just hearing the music gets me all emotional and tearing up every single time ♥♥

10. favorite victuuri moment?

;;;;; ♥♥♥♥♥♥

i was holding back tears the whole time and then vitya said “i wish you’d never retire” and yuuri cried and so did i

15. who would you want to get turnt with? YUURI! definitely.

19.  what are you expecting/hoping will be in the movie? what i’m expecting: skating! lots of it. possibly the olympics. vitya and yuuri being extremely married. yuuri winning gold. not necessarily in this order. what i’m hoping: please no drama D: i just want HAPPINESS for everyone? wttm manga was extremely yurio-centric and i’m hoping the movie won’t be bc i want to see more yuuri and vitya. hmmm what else! VITYA SKATING! god i need more of that. and just.... them being extremely married and sweet? more makkachin? more yoi? just........ m o r e ?

20. headcanon for what yuuri and phichit majored in in university? okay, yuuri&phichit’s time in detroit is actually something that’s been on my mind a lot lately! but i think it might need it’s own post? long story short: yuuri has a b.a. in either literature or sports management (prob this one) and phichit may not have even studied in university yet!

21. headcanon for victor’s level of education? i’m pretty sure he has graduated from university! i have no idea what he might have studied tho

27. were you already a fan of figure skating before watching the show (if not, have you become a fan now because of the show)? i wouldn’t say i was a fan, but figure skating was one of the few sports i’ve always liked to watch! i knew some of the most famous skaters but that’s pretty much it. but after watching yoi my obsession with the sport kind of skyrocketed right into the next level ahaha ♥ so yeah there days i’m def a fan!

30. favorite fanworks (art and/or fic)? fav fic is so easy, i believe i have mentioned it in a few posts already but i’m never going to stop reccing it, please read it, it’s  a m a z i n g ♥♥♥ and istg one of these days i’m going to draw that fanart i have planned

our doubts are traitors by @astoryaboutwar “Back then,” Yuuri asks. “Did you love me?” The cigarette hangs low, tucked between Victor’s lips. The end glows steadily orange, devil eyes on a coal-black night.

(Some ghosts of your past you leave well alone.)

(Or: the powered assassins AU in which betrayal comes first, forgiveness second, and love was always somewhere in the equation.)

fav art is more difficult bc i see so much amazing art every single minute i spend on tumblr, but this piece by @iruutciv is def in my top3! ♥♥

[s4ft3yh4z4rd]

Ask Meme

@mspuffballakalexi I saw you do this and I was like “Oh, I should do it” and you heckin Tagged me

Rules: Answer the 20 Questions in a new post and tag the 20 blogs that you would like to get to know better!

Nicknames: Dash and Koho are the only ones really anyone can use. My partner has an array of nicknames including love, sugar and egg

PRONOUNS: Male is preferred but They/them is also acceptable

Star sign: Libra

Height: 5′5 I’m pretty sure

Time right now: 9:00

Last thing I googled: “lemonbraT”

Favorite solo artist: Fuc, I don’t listen to anything not made by multiple people

Song stuck in my head: Don’t Call Me in the Morning

Last movie I watched: I watched like 3 seconds of the Lorax does that count

Last tv show I watched: The Great British Bake off, honestly

When did you create the blog: A while ago, like 8th grade

What kind of stuff do you post: Various things

Do you have any side blogs: I have Guardian Angel and Northern Discovery (two dropped things) my Moodboard blog and my blog for aesthetic stuff

Do you get asks regularly: Nah

Why did you chose url: My Webkinz username was Koho2001

Following: 89

Post: 815

Hogwarts house: N/A

Pokemon team: Mystic

Favorite colors: Blue, Turquoise and Purple is my favorite combination

Average hours of sleep: Fuck man, I think 6-ish

Lucky number: 5

Favorite manga characters: N/A

How many blankets do you sleep with: 3

Dream job: I want to go into animation

Dream trip: Either somewhere in Europe or a long roadtrip up north

[luffyasksandanswers]

KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER. ( please repost ~~ )

1. BASICS

NAME:  I usually don’t reveal my name in Tumblr but I’m Iida (written like “Nissan Tiida without the car brand and the letter  T” ok that was the lamest try of joke ever, sorry mates ::D). Better known as monkeydluffy19920, nice to meet you ! PRONOUNS:  In finnish language we don’t have seperate pronouns for male and female so it basically doesn’t matter to me so just use the one that feels comfy SEXUALITY:  does it really matter ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ? ZODIAC SIGN:  Virgo  TAKEN OR SINGLE:  Single

THREE FACTS:

1.  I like both board- and video games

2.  I study currently in university of applied sciences (or polytechnics from the old name) in faculty of social and health care 3. I am at least as bad with directions as Zoro and I must admit I can get lost almost anywhere. Last summer I was working in the capital which is much bigger city than where I am from so I won’t lie that Google maps saved my soul countless times xD 

2. EXPERIENCE: 

HOW LONG (MONTHS / YEARS?): I started roleplaying in the beginning of last December so that makes couple of months. Still wearing the shoes of a newbie I guess :D   PLATFORMS YOU’VE USED:  Tumblr is the first one where I’ve roleplayed BEST EXPERIENCE: In general, via Tumblr I’ve met awesome people both here and in my personal blog with whom I can share the fandom with all the analyses and fun. What comes to ropleplaying it’s been just a short time I’ve done this but I’d say everything has been so great so far. Big thanks to you all awesome people :>

3. MUSE PREFERENCES

FEMALE OR MALE:  I’ve only had one male character but I wouldn’t mind trying to roleplay someone else as well. She or he, doesn’t matter as long as the characteristic traits are good.  MULTI OR SINGLE: Does this mean like having multiple characters at the same time? Well at the moment I’ll keep only one character but I don’t dump the idea of having a second one in the future, who knows?   

4.  WRITING PREFERENCES

FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT: As mentioned, I’m quite open to try everything when it comes down to writing.  Only thing I don’t think I’ll write in this blog is smutty but that’s because I don’t pair Luffy with anyone.  PLOTS OR MEMES:  I like both ! LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: It depends on the thread or the ask and of course the mood but I’m flexible and like both long and short replies.  BEST TIME TO WRITE: Well the best inspiration comes somewhere in the evening, maybe after 6 pm  (and continues until it’s already over midnight and I should’ve been asleep hours ago but if i’m really focused on something I enjoy I forget the time easily *laughs*)   ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S): It was easier to start roleplaying with a character that I can relate on most and since Luffy is quite similar to me it was quite natural to choose him as my muse.  

TAGGED BY: Saw this at the dash  TAGGING:  Anyone who’d like to do this :) 

[gumihoni]

Ok, so a bunch of lovely people have tagged me in things and I have been very dumb and scatterbrained, but I am gonna answer them now (really only because I am still dressed like a functional human at this moment, and that is one of the questions somewhere) Happy new year! List 10 good things that happened in 2016, then tag 10 people to do the same. tagged by @dgalerab uhm, okay, I’m really trying here 1) went back to Korea and rediscovered what it feels like to have energy levels and like, be happy, and just generally my love for travelling 2) in the same vein: made the decision to go to Korea for a few months this year at least, which finally gave me some perspective 3) my brother came home for Christmas (it’s a delicate situation and the only time I’ve seen him in the last 2 1/2 years was a funeral) 4) ...fell in love with Bokuto :’) 5) i’m improving at art (it’s subtle things, but i am much faster, and slightly better at anatomy) 6) met a bunch of cool new people (a lot of them on here, too!) 7) met a few travelling friends again after 3 years 8) I didn’t lose my love for martial arts, despite being mediocre at it, after reaching the goal I set for myself (black belt) 9) saw a band I’ve liked for a loooong time in concert for the first time 10) hxh came off hiatus!!! it’s on hiatus again lmao but we got new exciting chapters! Rules: answer the questions in a new post and tag people you would like to get to know better tagged by: @livecement​ and @risquetendencies 1. Nickname: Ginny works, I guess. Anything you can do with my url sounds really dumb *shrug emoji* 2. Star Sign: Gemini 3. Height: 5′1″ 4. Time rn: 11:12pm, I need to sleep soon because I agreed to take someone else’s shift :’) 5. Favourite Music Artist: The Matches, Meg & Dia, Protest the Hero, Mamamoo, The National... i want to list more because when I look at that singular there I suddenly don’t know how to read : ) 6. Song stuck in your head: since I’m listening to it right now... a Korean song: Ssaunal (Fight Day or Fight Me) by Bolbbalgan4. 7. Last Movie Watched: ...I have no idea. Possibly Phantom Rouge in German? 8. Last TV Show you watched: if it’s last episode, probably Haikyuu!!... I am bad at watching things 9. what are you wearing rn: an actual outfit!! how exciting I am a real human today! A long grey cardigan over a loose sky blue dress with a very scattered white leaf print and a lace trim, and black tights. 10. when did you create your blog: end of March 2015 11. what kind of stuff do you post: hxh, haikyuu, a lot of mental health stuff, i am sorry, memes, deep sea animals, animals idk, pretty things, a lot of stuff really 12. do you have any other blogs: i have painpackerrisingsin saved for if i ever dare to start a nsfw art blog :’) 13. Do you get asks regularly: No, and often when I get them I am convinced I mortally offended someone and they’re out to get me. (which has obv not happened ever, except for some... shitstirrers i should have blocked long ago) 14. why did you choose your username: i hate this question, i meant to lurk and chose a dumb url because i thought it didn’t matter but I hate change so I am stuck with Feitan’s hatsus (and it’s so long to type or write on stuff) 15. Gender: *Kurapika voice* what’s a gender; dfab and I don’t experience any dysphoria but I find myself caring about labels less and less 16. Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw 17. Pokemon Team: Instinct 18. Favourite colour: Periwinkle 19. Average hours of sleep: anything from 1 to 10, my life is a mess 20. lucky number: none really. I have attachments to 4, 5, 587, though. 21. Favourite character: Bokuto, Leorio, Kurogane (i have a type rip) 22. how many blankets do you sleep with: two 23. dream job: i need someone to pay me for learning languages for no one but myself :’) 24. Following: 83, but 4 of these are rou and 5 doomsday so... there’s a few other mutuals with more than one blog. I get overwhelmed when there’s too much stuff on my dash... Rule one: Always post the rules Rule two: answer the questions the person who tagged you asked and write 11 new ones Rule three: tag 11 people and link them to the post tagged by my love @sayoko0

1) Favorite color? answered up there!

2) How do you think birds communicate? tone of their singing and in more direct interactions body language?

3) Can you identify a tree from its leaves? not many, but a select few, yeah. My mom would be so disappointed.

4) If you could make a ship canon which one would it be? ughhh this hurts my heart but probably Leopika, because I need Kpeeks to be saved. It’s my angstiest ship... Kurofai is as canon as gay ships go in CLAMP and Bokuaka, there’s SOMETHING and... I don’t need it as much in the manga context, because there’s so many amazing fanworks. 5) Fav song atm? Ho boy... I’ve rediscovered Hypocrates by Marina and the Diamonds. My all time favourite is Clumsy Heart by The Matches. 6) A song that cheers you up? Butterflies Pt.II by Lana del Rey 7) A song that makes you sad? The One by Meg & Dia 8) One of your fav vines? Describe it if you don’t feel like searching for it. The one with the Korean girl, where the other girl is like “xy your bra strap is showing!!!” and she’s dancing to a song going I don’t give a fuck wearing tons of bras everywhere 9) What’s your comfort food? LASAGNA. And warm chocolate pudding. 10) I can’t think of anything else so tell me whatever you were doing before answering this, or plan to do after finishing. Answering more tag stuff because I collect them for months ;_; 11) Oh! Tell me the last weird dream you remember having. Oh my god... Okay, so, you know these people who always have these little notes and go “just be happy!!!!”, “positivity!!!”; I was silently judging them in my head, but then later had to justify myself in front of some heavenly court and hold a long speech about how I tolerate other people’s way of life even if it’s different from mine, and if that doesn’t tell you a lot about me as a person, I really don’t know. Oh yeah, there was also the dream where I got to meet Britney and had so many questions and the only thing I could get out was asking if she was planning a duet with Psy (but she was!!!). There’s more, I am really useless but I am tired and need to sleep, I will, one day, maybe get back to some of the others because they were interesting but... my energy levels are so low now. Tagging: If you tagged me in one of these, feel tagged for the others if you haven’t done them yet. Uhm, take the questions here, my brain is not functional. Also tagging: @daiousamashittykawa​, @pyro-madder​, @schwanendreher​, @sirwallahoo​, @bbmelon​, @yescabbageguystuff, @thewiselearnfromhistory, @the-smallest-kurapika uhm, anyone i’ve ever spoken to who feels like doing it? If you want to do one or none or all, just, do whatever you want, I want you to be happy ok.

[violetsystems]

#personal

I met up with my mom at the train yesterday and hung out for her birthday in my neighborhood for Day of the Dead.  She turned 69 and has been letting her hair grow out white.  She looks very pretty these days and seemed really happy to be taking pictures of the parade with her kindle.  I grew up dancing with her to old disco records and sometimes I can tell you it was torture.  I literally had to learn dance steps over and over by rote so she could practice for dancing in the club with my dad.  There was some famous song in Spanish that was not Despacito playing from a open trunk in the procession.  She would bounce around every once and awhile.  I remember she was really into this band when we all visited Jamaica together when I was twelve.  I was less than enthused back then.  Now it’s nice to see everything just kind of fit in place in the open here.  Like I’m not hiding some dark secret somewhere.  I never was.  People just like to talk shit about people like they have nothing better to do.  I go out and shop for groceries like anybody else.  I ran into Beau Wanzer in the supermercado.  We talked about how we played Vancouver together awhile back.  I hung out in Richmond.  I told him I felt Richmond was the closest I could get to China legally and that I really loved China.  That’s no lie.  I was in the elevator the other day and somebody was talking about socialism.  I just outright said I was communist.  Maybe it was the other way around.  Either way it was in context of knowing the drill sometimes.  I often like to quote the Joker when he says we live in a society.  I actually don’t know if the joker said that or if it was a meme.  After a run this week I passed by some asshole reciting lines as the Joker in some monologue on the street at seven am.  Insult to injury, he went on to explain that he was not the Joker.  The nerve of that asshole.  Chicago is free enough to do that I guess.  But I live in a community.  And the many onion layers of those communities that trust me enough to be myself have their own expectations of me.  Some of them are realistic.  Some of them cross the line.  Some of them I stomach because nobody is resisting.  But privacy is something I’ve always held the line with.  Because the grim truth is the only person who knows what’s going on with me most of the time is me.  And sometimes even then I have no clue.  How is that even safe?  For me it generally isn’t in some situations and I have no choice but to act accordingly to make it so.  And for me it’s to not react and walk away.  Everybody wants to get a reaction out of you these days for sure.  The truth is you get a reaction from me.  Almost every week.  

For some people closest to my heart, you get a reaction from me instantly.  And for some people who don’t even care enough to understand I’m a human being, you get nothing but static.  To quote a fading undercover shirt I bought in Tokyo years ago at this point “We like noise. It’s our choice.”  How that static or noise is created for myself the last few years has been through street wear.  I’ve lived to see enough iterations of it and amassed quite a large collection of Japanese centric pieces.  I wear them out.  Literally.  Until they crack, lose their context, fall out of fashion and back into it again.  Undercover is one of the worst and cruelest jokes for me.  I often reference that Daul Kim was the first person to call out Jun for lack of casting diversity.  Everybody knows I care very deeply about Daul from a sociopolitical and feminist perspective.  She is still a strong voice thanks to the internet and places like this.  Years ago I saw somebody I admired and was inspired by that ended her life too soon.  Always fighting something.  Always feeling alone in the process.  That to me was a sign of resistance that I did not understand.  I used her as an anchor to understand Korea in a very different way.  It led me on my travels to meet people and hear their suggestions of what I should pay attention to.  It was a long and often arduous journey.  Starting in the basement of the comfort women museum in Seoul and ending somewhere lost in a Day of the Dead parade with very little changing.  The statements are always there.  Maybe the person saying them changes a bit.  But people still don’t listen.  They still don’t want to believe.  They still don’t want to let you speak for yourself.  Because it contradicts things and brings up the delicate balance between exploitation and making an artistic statement about the real problem.  It all follows me around like a ghost sometimes.  Like I’m a curry stained container that took a joke way too far.  Or maybe I’m just a very genuine and focused person that has been abused day in and day out for a series of months.  Years maybe.  Just like some of the women I most admire and am inspired by to be something better for myself.  Better for them.  Better for everyone.  But definitely not a victim.  I’m not really a victim anymore.  To tell the truth I don’t think anybody really knows what I am anymore.  My mom said my apartment was starting to look like a real adult lived there.  She then proceeded to point out exactly how many magic cards I had collected since we last spoke.  I told her I needed to amass a strong army to fight the coming darkness.  Which makes me sound like some type of legendary Warlock from the Underworld growing vines in my kitchen to protect what I hold dear.

It’s not satire or performance anymore that I do actually care.  It’s also not a far stretch to understand that not too many people are capable of caring about me.  Circumstances being as extraordinary as they are and the powers I resist seamlessly day to day without much of a yawn I also don’t see myself caving in or stopping anytime soon.  That’s the grim reality people start to see when the cold creeps in.  That I’ve survived so many winters alone at this point that I’ve become the living embodiment of Kurt Russell in the Thing.  This apartment filled with plants is my sole outpost.  I’ve really been happy focusing on stuff I planted years ago now indoors.  I get to see the cycle up close and personal in my kitchen with the occasional house centipede challenging my view.  I can get anywhere in the city by train in a moment’s notice.  I took the train home the other day to drop off the rent.  I ran into the same people on the way back.  Sometimes that’s fate.  Sometimes that’s fucked up.  Either way this is Chicago.  I live in America.  I keep myself free.  I stay accountable and apparently sometimes people like to feel what it’s like to be around it in public.  So much so that I don’t know that I feel all that out of place flying to New York on a Saturday and visiting all the places I haven’t been to in ages.  Then fly back home on a Sunday evening and head back to work on a Monday like nothing ever happened.  Maybe even Monday morning.  I’ve done it before.  A couple of times.  And I still have thirty six vacation days left that I have no idea how or where to spend until next July.  If I can just survive whatever alien invasion exists just out of reach.  Where you don’t know who is friend or foe.  I don’t know that I actually care too much these days.  It’s easy enough to tell in my dash.  I don’t have a lot of existential dread other than what gets reflected here.  People seem to not mind too terribly.  I wake up every day and do it over again.  I still think just as much if not more about you.   I know it’s all sort of obtuse.  All I know is being consistent has patterns to it much like visions.  Wherever my mood has been trending all the winter is going to do is amplify the warmth of it.  I’ll spend most of it watching things grow in the window of my kitchen.  I’ll also spend a good portion of it in my down fit nike jacket from Switzerland.  All wrapped up like a present.  Air tight and solid as fuck.  <3 Tim