#this was a good exercise for me today
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List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the ask box for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you. get to know your mutuals and followers! ✨🍄✨
Oh what a lovely ask game! I have had a rough day so it will be good for me to stop and think about things that make me happy.
The pond that is a short walk from my house. Now that I'm back home for the summer, I've been walking down to the little bit of woods that surrounds it and sitting on a bench by the pond, listening to the birds. It's very peaceful, and a good chance to get out of my house and get some time to myself. I went there today and it was cold and a bit rainy to match my mood, but when it was sunny a few days ago it was even more lovely. I'm going to try to do some drawing or maybe photography around the pond this summer.
Mangoes. I had a mango today and it was delicious. They taste like sunshine and remind me of times in the past when I have found joy on difficult days.
Daffodils. More flowers are starting to come up now, but a few weeks ago it was just the daffodils, and they were everywhere. To me, blooming daffodils are the sign that spring has arrived and they are tied to a lot of happy memories. There's a vase of them, and a second smaller vase of grape hyacinth which I also adore, on the kitchen counter right now, cut from our yard.
Books! I finally have time for books and I have been trying to take advantage of this. I've read more books in the last week than I did in the previous three months, and I have a nice big tbr stack. I also just cleared off a lot of old books from my bookshelf and now everything that's left sparks joy and I have room for some new favorites.
Pocket friends :) I think you all are very sweet and fun and cool. I think I've been only sporadically present on discord and tumblr recently because of Life but when I am online and get to talk to other friendly humans all over the world it makes me very happy. If you're seeing this and you ever feel like making friendly small talk about anything at all, don't be afraid to say hi via asks or DMs or whatever, i would love nothing more. <3
#just moved home a week ago!#i've been settling in with a mix of relief that i'm finally done with the school year#and the usual Transition Woes (which are typical for me at the start of breaks but always suck)#this was a good exercise for me today#it's been. a day.#here's hoping tomorrow is a little easier <3#ask game answers
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autism 2 autism communication
#mine#original#orange overlay pink multiply layer my beloved#what hve i done today.....done some face studies!! very helpful!!#i am . beginning...to find.....a way of drawing that feels comfy to me...ouh#i will hopefully do some portfolio drawing tomorrow hehe#im going to re do my website...how it is now is. ugly. i wouldnt hire me#what else is going on...ive ordered some wool bc i hve learnt how to KNIT#im so alarmed. im going to attempt to make a cardigan i am so deeply alarmed#i need to exercise and have a bath. mmm. i will play vid game and then chores and then exercise and then eat and then bath#hve a good evening my friends
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fast sketch for today💓💓
#god these two are so cute will I ever stop drawing them ????#NO😤😤#anyways I am so tired today😭🙏#woke up at 5am & I’ve drank so much coffee!!#I have a lot of work this afternoon so I wanted to take advantage of my morning#deep cleaned/ran errands/walked the goblins#I’m about to exercise and idk why but I decided I’ve been too lazy about things lately#and I’m pushing myself so much with lifting these days I am SO SORE#(but like the good type of sore)#I just want my thighs to be more muscular 😭😭😭😭😭 lots of squats deadlift bulgarians hip thrust etc etc etc#at least I know by next week I will already see the results 🙏🙏 then I’ll be lazy again until they fade 😭#I have never managed to be obsessive about exercise or really enjoy it I just do the bare minimum to stay healthy#and hopefully my body will thank me as I get older#bc my job is so physical that I really need to take care of things or I could really mess things up for the future#tbh I’ve always noticed that tattoo artists always lift a lot🤝🤝#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hphl#imelda reyes#poppy sweeting#imelda reyes x poppy sweeting
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There are two wolves inside me. One wants to embrace a new hobby in dance so I can be active and feel elegant and graceful and strong. This wolf wants to try something new and exciting, finally indulging in something I've always had an interest in.
The other experiences such frustrating emotions on a near daily basis that I want to go back to boxing, which is arguably easier to break into since I've already done it before. This wolf doesn't think of elegance, she just wants to fuck shit up until her body's so overworked and warm it fogs up car windows without having to do anything but sit inside.
Which one do I fucking feed??
#t. lee woes#like. do you know how hard it is trying to start something new that you've never done at all ever before??#and you've got no mode of transport until december - and ONLY if things go well#and now you're contemplating ways to mkre regularly earn a bit of money to afford the classes since paying weekly means my income#would wind up like $9 a fortnight since $40 would be spent by the end of each fortnight#it wouldn't necessarily be stagnant but it's not a desirable position to be in#I still have stuff saved up in a jar but I'm always hesitant to dip into that stuff#originally it was going toward a violin and lessons for that but I'm putting it off in favour of something a bit easier to dedicate time to#boxing is easy. in fact I could get support from my fam for that cause they like it#they don't see the point in dancing but I really want to at least try it and I'm worried about affording each term if I do end up liking it#also I already have boxing gear from before#but I'm hesitant about boxing at the moment for a lot of reasons I can't quite articulate but weirdly might have something to do with#internalised misogyny and biases... which is WILD cause my dad supports women learning martial arts#I can't do karate though I tried that and the class drove me a little insane#and it doesn't push you the same way boxing does and I really like to be pushed#if I don't leave sweating and hot and lungs and muscles aching then what's the point?? I can do mediocre exercise at home#and find more intense martial arts classes that also teach other kinds of self-defense#it's like... ehhhh#anyway but also I want to do something that's for fun that isn't so Serious Fight Mode#hence dancing#but I can only afford one not both and basically I'm grumpy today cause I was gonna trial a dance class - got ready and everything - but#my ride was suddenly unavailable. and I still can't stomach public transport. nor am I good at navigating it#it feels so different here compared to where I used to live - and I knew trains better not buses
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have had a bike again (since like half my life ago) for 24hr now and. actually yknow what this rules 🚴♀️
#txt#biked home from the store we picked it up at and biked to n from work today#feeling good. semi forgot that i liked biking. damn this exercise is kinda nice. hello is anyone hearing me#been intending to get back to it since i stopped having a bike back then and. ough#in fairness these were all <30min rides BUT STILL
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241220
skipped exercise for two days and already feel like shit, but ill continue from now on !!! i cant let this bring me down....
#ill have to skip exercise these holidays tho...#but ill make up for it the rest of the month !!#ive been doing good my stomach is a little bit flatter which is great!#i got some new clothes today so at least in happy#yay#me#legcheck#bodycheck#legspo#thinspo#ed vent#ed things#or whatever idk
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packed lunch is such a lame term it has nothing on eväs. if i say eväsleipä everyone knows what i mean but how do i even translate that. "packed lunch sandwich" ? pathetic. anyways i helped my bestie move yesterday and we always reminisce about the packed lunches they gave us on school trips which was always a sandwich, half a banana, and a juicebox, so i packed exactly that for us before i left to her apartment and i was so giddy the whole way there bc i know this thing that took no time or effort to pull together would make her so happy and it did and now i'm eating the exact same kind of sandwich we did yesterday and i am filled with love for my friends. i think i had a point here somewhere but i like how food can be made better with memories of good company
#i would say ask me to help u move bc carrying boxes is such a fun exercise but unfortunately i am weak and cannot be trusted to carry any#heavy furniture so. yknow.#i do however now have experience of carrying bugs in their enclosures#using bugs not as in insects bc 2 of the enclosures had isopods#idk maybe its the working out a bit and feeling useful but im feeling so good today#leevi talks#also mildly related to the sandwich i miss cooking for my friends#i would do it more but i dont have both the chance and energy for that too often
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yes I am probably showing Symptoms. I should do something about that
#drinking a hydrating probiotic drink (my sister knows I like a certain kind and got me one today as a surprise 😭)#going to go take some Vitamins And Herbs (lav/chamomile ashwaganda passionflower probably sam-e also)#(<- not woowoo nonsense it actually works in my experience 👍 obvs won't for everyone but for me natural supplements are good)#going to exercise and listen to some venting/screaming/emotional reset music#and then going to do some Bible study :) possibly a turmeric tea also#Lu rambles#re: my last post
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HGKJG [gets down on one knee] Q, my mutual, homie, and very dear friend, of course I would be delighted to platonically marry you for tax benefits, we will have a beautiful summer wedding, im handing you a ring pop as we speak hgkj <33 omg suits would be SO FUN!! we'd look so fancy and eat cake and itd just be a fun party hgkj :3 <33
(also youre so right about the benefits, EVERYONE MARRY YOUR HOMIES FOR REAL!!! hgkjg)
*takes your hand* Voli, I'm so glad you agree, I accept your ring pop and platonic proposal with glee hjklgjf WE SHALL HAVE A SUMMER WEDDING BTWN FRIENDS. A FRIEDDING IF YOU WILL. EVERYONE IS INVITED TO THE PARTY OF THE CENTURY TO STUFF YOURSELVES FULL OF CAKE
Also, in all seriousness, thank you for the excuse for a character design exercise I needed to get better at drawing suits hrktkgj and your sona is v v fun to draw <33 (For context: )
#spoonspeaks#spoondoodles#sorry i took so long to answer your ask as you can see I wanted to do something with it but got a little busy hrkfgh so!! sketch!!!#anyway i stand by it if you don't have anyone you're already planning to marry just marry a homie the tax etc. benefits are great#but! if marriage is not your thing! some places have platonic equivalents like civil partnerships or whatever#anyway voli i hope you like it <3 i really wanted to draw your wings but my hands were not cooperating today so i hope the mini wings are o#the suits are based on real suits! mine is a little more casual but suitable for a wedding with the round groom tail#wheras voli's is based on like those really fancy suits w/ tails that you'd wear the balls#usually both would come with a top hat and voli would have a bowtie tie but i didn't want the hats to ruin our hair#and the ribbon tie fit better to me. anywayyyy fun design exercise i tend to draw the same suit jacket and waistcoat every time#so i enjoyed making the different suits a similar theme but still different. also!! voli has a lavender corsage (fake)#mine isn't a specific flower but i was thinking of like a lily of some type maybe. something tropical and brightly coloured. still fake tho#fake corsages are better for people sensitive to fragrances like me </3 also i hate colouring so just sketch and lines for today <33#anyway enough rambling in the tags have a good day <3333333 everyone marry your homies fr fr
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Body update: it turns out that after about a year (ish) of trying to eat more healthily and avoiding fast food, my body cannot handle some of the meals I used to enjoy anymore
I had a burger last week at DND and was sick, and I thought it was bc the burger particularly greasy, but then when I ordered from my usual place today (less horrendously greasy but still, you know, a fast food burger) I actually kinda stopped enjoying it three bites in and had to put in some effort to finish it x)
Oh well
#Matt has a life#Shit from home#In other news: couldn't do 2x20mn of walking yesterday cause I had to drive to the post office#and driving a motobike is demanding on the knees#but I did one turn today and everything seems fine#gonna do another set later and see how it goes#and if we can keep that up until next week I'll try and see if we can up it to 1x30mn and 1x20mn#The goal being to be able to walk for at least 40mn at a time before I try going to the gym again#at which point I'll use the running machines to try and walk on a gradually increasing incline#... at this point it might actually be a good idea to see a physio#but I don't like the one I visited before -_-#Edit: other posotive effect of better food and regular exercise: I lost about 4kg since dec. 2022 and am now back around 95#which is much more comfortable for me than where I was before#would I complain about going down to 90kg? no#but I'm 34 and planning on having a baby soon so that doesn't sound likely#especially bc like#diets are a myth#and if my body's ideal weight were 100kg that's where I'd be regardless of diet#so we'll see how that goes#I'm fine with where I'm at rn
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here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud!!
✷(print shop)✷
#mine#original#euheuhe hello..i hope everyone is having a good day#we are going on a bird boat thing on wednesday im very excited about it#what else.....me and my bf went on a walk on sunday and i saw damsel flies and shield bugs and a duck with 13 ducklings#i bought a jellycat sun bag which is now all i talk about#ive started reading assassins apprentice by robin hobb!!!! its so good!!!!#im so excited there are so many books in the series to read#i doubt i will like all of them but i will give them all a go#today i will stop and hve dinner n then walk the dog and then do exercise and have a bath#and then i will. play zelda#and then tomorrow i will do shop stuff and also help my mum buy a bench apparently#i need to buy snacks also. i hve a snack stash in my rooom bc of mental illness purposes and i am low.....need snacks#maybe i will do that tomorrow. brain schedule is full up for today sorry#also. unrelated. i have my period???? again????? ive already had it this month hello i dont need another im good im all done#my hormones r going ??OAGHGHGHUH#also i want like . cute bra. but like not a bra like just cloth thats like. tit shaped. a bralet? is that what that is? no idea#anyway. hve nice evening. or else.#i have a headache#OH ALSO. i need to legally chnage my name SKFSABJSBK#put that on th todo list#i cant rmemeber how 2 do it i think it was very straight forward n cost like. £10 or smth
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Did I just find the motivation to go for a morning run in the rain by reminding myself that if Din Djarin ever encountered me he would 100% start sprinting in the opposite direction so I need to train to keep up with him so he can never get away from me?
#din djarin#i am quite literally in his walls#i was very sceptical exercise could make you feel good... first run was pain and wheezing bc asthma but ACTUALLY today.... i felt the rush#after i finished#i really felt good and that's wild because i've always been so lazy lol#in my fitness era??? wild#din djarin brainrot#he will never escape me :)
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me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects
#maybe my mom was onto something all these years telling me i'm bipolar#no i don't think i am but i do technically have a bpd diagnosis so like. mood swings up the fucking wazoo are not new#but i am not one to be like 'exercise will fix me'#i've also just come to terms recently with the fact that i didn't kill myself already so might as well start thinking of the long term#so not being in constant pain when im older is something im actually thinking of now#so like. gotta move more which i was doing during this semester! walking like 3 miles a day which didn't help brain but#it's gotta be good for you anyway even if i don't get the endorphins everyone says you get when working out#that's neverrrr been me bc also chronic illness w exercise intolerance#so it's like. wah i have a desire to move my body more and know it's beneficial#but chronic illness + mental illness + trying not to think about exercise in terms of weight loss bc i'm trying not to make that the goal#although certainly wouldn't be mad if that was the result but if i prioritize it over just overall health it's gonna make me obsessive#i'm saying a lot of words. i have no one to really talk to so i once again come to tumblr as a public diary#ANYWAY. trying to find balance with wanting to exercise for overall well-being but dealing with other factors like chronic illness#which has actually been under the most control it's been in years i barely even consider myself (physicslly) disabled these days#and also balancing the fact that while my disordered eating has never recovered and i still have extremely bad relationship with myself#im in a relatively better place with that. i'm not starving myself and im not going through binge/purge cycles#but my relationship with food and eating is still very much unhealthy#and i don't think that will ever really change bc it's so ingrained in the everything about me#i don't really know what i'm talking ahout anymore or what prompted this#i can't simply just say 'i'm gonna go for a hike today' and be normal about. always gotta psycho analyze myself#im in a very weird stage in my life where i feel like i have control over nothing and i barely even exist in my own body#im just like a cacophony of voices trapped inside a meat suit but im not in the drivers seat im stuffed in the trunk and tied up#and the guy driving is an old blind mind who should have lost his license his ass is NOT road safe!#so it's like i have all these ideas and desires and feelings and ahh!! but hey i'm locked up here let me out please#and also the state of the world. so bleak and hopeless and paralyzing that i've just kind of shut my feelings off so i'm rapidly switching#between numbness and overwhelming agony#what the fuck am i talking about
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Lol I keep on doing this, saying I'd come back to tumblr to only disappear again 😂😭
#and i hate it bc i miss being on here#but also i don't have to force myself or feel guilty for it#bc if i'm fr being on social media is just so time consuming and also not what is good for my mental health often#and that includes tumblr#it's not even that it's a toxic place (at least not the content i'm consuming) but sometimes i just rather spend my time with people irl#meeting someone than on social media and like focus on my life#the last month or so was just really difficult for me and i haven't been feeling so bad mentally in forever#i mean it always is like that that time of the year but i feel like i was worse this year#whenever autumn comes around with the darkness and cold i seem to hit a low mentally#when i tell you how much better my mood is in summer spring how much better i feel everyday regardless of everything else#i get people like autumn but for me its literally the worst and winter too altough at some point it gets better#maybe i adapt and maybe because i spend more time outside around christmas when i go home that's usually a turning point#and ig also the lights of december make it a bit better#but mid october to november is awful#this year the weather was much worse beginning of october was much worse#i feel like i lowkey have this seasonal mood disorder idk#but i barely managed to go to classes and i had no motivation#usually i always make myself study and do the things i have to atleast altough i often terribly procrastinate#but now i was barely able to do this and i had things to do but i couldn't make myself i missed a deadline closely#luckily my professors are the best but i felt so horrible for it how i was unable to get it done#sunlight is just so good for my mood and ik how doctors say how you should avoid it because you can get skincancer#but like i'd rather than my mental health being this bad (not that i want either)#i already miss summer so much and being happier#but tbh i haven't felt this good as I do today in weeks and even this whole week was better#i exercised more than usual altough i tried to in the last weeks i couldn't as often as i normally do so maybe this actually helps a lot#and i studied yesterday today and i will tomorrow i finally feel motivation again#besides i also tried to break up with my bf so that was also tough but i couldn't lol#i tried talking to him and tell him in the nicest way but he didn't get what i was trying to do and i couldn't say more bc i felt horrible#but maybe that's for the better altough i had these thoughts for a while that he just isn't the one for me and that we're too different...#i do really like him as a person the way he treats me and i'm still into him but i just felt like it wouldn't work
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I have no idea what this fic is or how to end it.
#also up for debate: is it in character?#is it any good?#who's to say?#not me that's for sure#shut up fraddit#it's over 1k now...#think i might have to call it though#i was hoping to finish it and post it today as like an exercise in self progress#but i'm not sure i've got any more in me#this is WAY more than i usually am able to write in a day#think i'll take the win and try again tomorrow...
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life really is this mindful balance between accepting yourself as you are in the present while actively building to a better self. you know you can improve but that doesn’t mean who you are now isn’t good enough. speaking from experience, hating what you aren’t yet won’t get you there faster. practice self love and be patient.
#rebloggable#i am working on losing weight and doing daily exercise#and i struggle with feeling ok with myself rn#and wishing it could happen faster#but what i have today is me!! and I'm trying and that's something to feel good abt#i know I'm on an upward trajectory#and who i am now is bringing me there#anyway just thought I'd share for anyone going through w/e struggle with themselves now ♥️
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