#this was SUUUUCH a silly little thing

[starglossie]

devotion is found in the cracks of orange peels. 

word count: 1k+

“suguru.”

“yes, satoru.”

suguru responds by muscle memory rather than actual thought. the way satoru says his name (in a tenor pitched with mischief. doused in a certainty only those born of godhood could wave around without sounding pompous) speaks volumes. he wants something. suguru only needs to wait to hear what that something is. 

satoru extends his closed fist to suguru’s face. smoke lazily crawls from the withering end of suguru’s cigarette he bummed (read: stole) from shoko. “hah?” he drawls, looking at satoru’s slender fingers and immaculate nails. he lazily glances over at suguru, who looks at him with his glasses dropped down the slope of his nose and a wild, toothy grin. 

“peel this for me,” he opens his hands and out pops an orange resting in his palm.

suguru is not dumbfounded by this turn of events. satoru is a man of whimsy. what he wants, he gets. what he wishes, he doesn’t seek for. rather, he makes it happen. not by demand-but by a stitched into his flesh expectation that his desires would always manifest themselves before him.

in other words: he’s spoiled. 

satoru bats his eyelashes at him as if he hadn’t asked the most childish request known to mankind. suguru knows satoru is aware of how much he can get away with him. 

there’s a split second where suguru considers not fulfilling the request. after all, satoru has ten fingers that are all working perfectly fine as the gods intended them to do. it’s not as if satoru didn’t know to peel an orange with his fingers. he couldn’t feign ignorance with this one-not like the other week when he insisted he couldn’t take the subway because he didn’t know how to read the lines (he knew damn well how to read them, he simply refused to take the subway when ichiji was available). 

“suuuuguru.”

“saaatoru.” suguru mimics the whining pitch of satoru’s not subtle whining. satoru frowns. 

“you know i can’t peel oranges.”

“can’t? or won’t?”

“semantics, i hate that game. let’s play a new one: suguru-peels-this-orange-for me-game!” he waves his hands around like he’s announcing a new game show. suguru stares at him with his best, unimpressed gaze. satoru’s face falls flat. he huffs. “what sort of best friend are you? unwilling to help in my time of need? distress? dismay?”

suguru takes his cigarette out and grinds the butt onto the ashtray beside him. he rolls his eyes but takes the orange out of suguru’s hand. “one who likes to see his best friend learn a thing or two about taking care of himself,” he playfully nags but his fingers begin to work along the orange peel. it’s methodical work. his nails dig into the skin, just enough to make a crescent-shape dent. and then he pulls back the flesh, disrobing the orange to its barest parts. 

as he works, the cicadas hum. it’s a humid summer this time around. june’s sun is unforgiving so after their last mission, the two boys chose to rest at the inn they planned to spend a night at-paid by the school, of course. suguru’s sleeves are rolled up to his elbows and satoru’s pants are rolled up past his ankles. suguru kept his hair in a tight bun so his neck wouldn’t get hot.

despite the heat, and the many ways they’ve tried to keep themselves cool and out of the sun’s unforgiving scorch, satoru presses against suguru as he works and rests his head against suguru’s shoulder. 

“you’d make a great housewife one day,” satoru muses after a beat of silence. 

suguru ignores the erratic rhythm his heart takes at that sentence. “you gonna marry me?” he jokes, wishing he could bite his tongue off and never speak again. the orange is nearly finished. a gentle act that suguru probably took more time getting right than he needed to. than he should have. 

he damns himself by peering down to see satoru’s reaction. there’s a redness on satoru’s cheeks that suguru’s mind quickly associates to the summer heat. and nothing more. because more is a gateway to hell. while suguru believes he is already destined for the fire, he doesn’t want to make his inevitable descent come any faster. 

but satoru grins at him. cheeky, as if there’s a secret between his lips that he’s daring suguru to come and taste. satoru hums, closing his eyes shut. “sure. how about next summer? after we graduate? i can buy you a ring later today.”

the summer burns; but satoru incinerates suguru down to ashes. 

the orange is peeled. six slices to be eaten. suguru puts the skin of the orange beside the ash tray and hands the slices back to satoru. who takes the orange with a “thank you!” and plucks one out. he pops the rest of the slices into his mouth one by one and sucks on his finger to clean up any excess juice. suguru doesn’t watch for long. he finds a tree off in the distance and bores his holes into the bark, finding that more fascinating than satoru next to him. 

“this is the best orange i’ve ever had.”

“you’re ridiculous,” suguru snorts, still not looking at satoru. of course, their conversation about marriage and weddings and next year and promises goes off into the wind. spoken between them yet the weight never settles. never takes root. but it doesn’t have to. they’d be together next year, and the year after that, and the years to follow. there was no need to really talk about it when both of them knew their endpoint: one another. 

satoru crosses his ankles and leans back against the wooden floorboard of the porch. he closes his eyes. “i’m serious, suguru. you know they say oranges taste better when they’re peeled with care? when they’re taken apart with love?” he opens one eye. a piercing, endless blue that has suguru forgetting to breathe. “it was delicious, suguru. now? i can nap in peace.” and he shuts his eye. his chest rises and falls. and soon, satoru is asleep. just like that.

suguru stares at satoru with his mouth agape. of course he’d fall asleep after saying something so - so “unbelievable,” suguru’s ears burn and his cheeks are a wildfire. he cups his face with his hands and stares off into the distance of the garden. he smells the faint scent of orange on his fingers and scowls. “i need another cigarette.” 

he stands up to find shoko. but he’d return once he finished his cigarette. 

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

this is a little silly and i'm totally aware, but i luv ur blog and resonate with ur outlook on things so i'm really curious 2 hve ur input. i turned 18 in december+ i graduated high scool this weekend and so it's like the first time in my life where i am independently adjusting to a big transition. i missed soo much classes due 2 my brain being fucked and even tho i had friends i still feel rly weird and outsidery i guess. if u have any advice or idk anything i'm running out of space bye xx

thats wonderful news...congrats on gradding its really hard to get thru it 💟 i almost didnt grad cus i was barely present at school, resented every facet of it, the system didnt make sense to me like i just couldnt perform. i dint go to college or anything after highschool i knew it wasnt right for me plus i didnt want the debt. i knew i needed freedom to roam or st..

and tbh i was suuuuch a smart & intuitive child for that decision o.o like thank god thank goddd. i wouldve folded SO fast with state of my mental health back then. unless u r going into STEM idt school is worth it. Like school nevr made sense to me cus u can just be intellectual for free by acting curiously ?? Like u can just live and read books and stuff . . .

i guess my only real goal has ever been to make a lot of DOPE ass memories ~~ push every experience to full potential of beauty it is capable of 🤩 and that is a tad willful of me, so my arrogance has lead to many defeats but despite how painful its beeen.. im glad i did it this way, no ragrets ^^ its wonderful to be 30 now & look back at it all. following my intuition always worked out in the end..

When you're 18-24 i think all u should really be doing is like. chilling, recovering from highschool, smoking cigs, taking photos, listening to songs, reading, trying different clothes, playing outside, Soaking eveything up like a sponge, taking it *in*...taking it all in then thru trial & error figuring out what Really resonates !! and PPL will try to tell u its a waste of time, dont listen!!!! create stuff but dont put pressure on urself to be good at anything yet. dont feel pressure to like, have solidified into something permanent yet? ifthatmakes sense.. goof around a lot, dont limit yourself to any existing structures, be new & expansive, open minded.

And just chill :] look around at your world all the time and think "Wow. I'm 18 and i'll never be 18 again and life is beautiful." i still do this for every age i ever am i think its so imporant to do this. Always Know your older self is looking back upon you kindly no matter how irredeemably fucking fucked u feel <3 i can feel the love from my 40 and 50 and 60 year old self right now. get excited for your unfolding story anon ^-^ i hope its really uniquely perfect just for U and Ur dreams come true. Sincerely, ��⭐⭐PMD9⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

[popstart]

Am I the only one who feels like the way this fandom talks about female characters is always so like???? Omg girlboss but also a girlfailure I support women’s rights AND wrongs she was robbed!!!! Idk it’s always the same few phrases lol I don’t get it.

OHHHH I AGREE SO HARD��� seeing the same 3 phrases used to describe the female characters bc they think its a diversity win. ok.

Female character is independent or strong etc -> omg shes suuuuch a girlboss teehee🙈 step on me. other weird and annoying sexual comments bc girlbossery is sexy (or something) and thats the only appeal female characters are allowed to have for a lot of people Female character is kinda cringe sometimes and doesnt succeed at everything -> omg my silly girlfaliure girlloser shes so sillystupid i love her Female character has dimension -> omg??? shes like a girlboss and a girlfaliure at the same time???

ignoring the fact i hate so many things about tacking on the prefix girl to random shit as something that feels like a negative connotation (or something degrading), there is 0 critical thinking people have for female characters and its like. ok man. people come up with 600 random headcanons and backstory elements for every single male character they like but designate the female characters they like to "oh ummm shes a girlboss so i like her😊" AWWEEESOMEEEEE. LOVE TO SEE IT🥴

and to people that dont see that or say that doesnt happen....... it does. i see it with my own eyeballs every damn day. eg; in fanon noah has 8 (or 9? i forget) girlboss sisters and is an expert hacker and speaks 300 languages and knows everything and makes 0 mistakes and is always calculated all the time and has 20 boyfriends while in canon he got kicked out of the opportunity of 100k dollars because he was reading and hates everyone and plays video games all day and is a massive schmuck for 1 single person that being emma. sorry noah fans thats just how it is. headcanons are fine but it gets to the point where its like hey guys what are we doing here.

and ok whatever. say we all stop talking about noah bc god knows he did nothing to deserve it. where do we go from there? the amount of people i see saying they wish there was more f/f in fandom they just dont wanna write it or people that say they wish they wrote f/f more its just too hard has me :I i think it really just proves how little fanon there is for female characters. since generally fanon is what fandom bases its fanfiction and general characterization on and f/f famously contains only women, it makes sense that if its "hard" to write for f/f pairings it means that people just dont care enough about the women to make wide spread fandom interpretations of them.

and it reaaaaaally sucks. total drama has what i consider a pretty good cast of diverse female characters. And sure, a lot of the time the show doesnt do them justice (they were robbed as many many MANY people say) but a lot of them have so much potential and all of them have at least SOME potential. but ofc, due to how theyre treated in the fandom, no one really cares about them outside of them being paired up with men. and even worse, people will just straight ignore them outright a lot of the time because they 'get in the way of their mlm ship' or some bs.

am i saying its inherently misogynistic to write mlm ships? HELLLLLL no. im just saying that the heavy apathy or visceral anger many many many female characters get unless theyre paired up with a man or because they 'get in the way of' a mans love for another man is quite frankly laughable when you consider what actually goes on in the show. this shit was made for kids, these people are kids. its just so weird just how obsessed people can be with a fictional character to the point of these overblown reactions to other characters of the same god damn show

[mapoeggplant]

What do you think are Shima and Mitsumi’s greatest personality strengths and weaknesses? Why? What do you love about their dynamic?

THIS IS SUUUUCH A FUN QUESTION OMG thank you so much for asking me this!!!!

ok so, I think I will divide this in topics if you don't mind just so I can organize it well inside my head OIFJASOIFJ

mitsumi

strengths: her heart is one of my favorite things about her. I think mitsumi is someone who can look at the bright side of things without having that naive or infantilized look to it. her positivity is something that inspires me a lot and her mindset of always coming back up after a fall is something that I wish I could add to my life.

weaknesses: I think she needs to be a little more incisive with her desires and voice them more. I do think she's getting better and better with this, but I know that she's bottling up a lot of feelings that she's too afraid to say it out loud. I want her to be a little more selfish and think about herself, put herself first.

shima

strengths: I really think shima has a lot of kindness inside him. I think he might be a little clumsy with the way he acts, but I do think he's trying very hard to always show kindness to people. I also admire how he's trying hard to fight his past ghosts and how he's resilient.

weaknesses: I think it's the obvious one, in the end: shima still needs to learn how to trust people and how to act on his own and not the way people want him to act. in this point of the story, I think he's like way better than he was before, but there's still a long way to go. he's also a little impulsive sometimes and I wish he would stop and think more before speaking in moments of anger.

what I love about their dynamic is how they are a safe space for each other. even that shima can't completely open up to mitsumi, he does feel like she's someone he can trust and someone he loves a lot, which is one of the reasons why he's always so scared of losing her. I love how their friendship started to grow little by little and how they were curious about each other, wanting to get to know each other without any second reasons.

I think their platonic relationship is beautiful. both are very worried about each other and respect each other a lot. I also like how shima let himself go a little and let his silly side shine when he's with mitsumi and I love how she's always so open and so comfortable around him.

love how mitsumi is respectful and understand that shima needs his space, doesn't force him to do anything and even after the breakup, she urges the girls to now call him out and respects his space a lot.

idk I think I could be here for a long time but I feel like this answer is already huge!! I just love these two dorks and I'm happy to see their friendship growing more and more. can't wait to see what sensei's planning!!

thank you for the question 💛

[tezzbot]

How do you understand the Chaotix so good in your brain

HI JEN HIIII HI JENZEL HIII<3333

I. Don't actually know. I feel like I do this with every character I get really into is that, I like.. Really enjoy figuring out their .. idrk how to say it their attributes? I enjoy figuring out what makes my favs tick. I like finding little mannerisms, speech patterns, stuff like that, and then from there figuring out okay. How would they react in X situation or I guess. If I were them how would I feel and how would I respond

Like say if it were Charmy, he would have less of a filter and less of a poker face when reacting to something, wouldn't find something as embarrassing as Espio, but if he did his reaction would be bigger than a quiet facepalm. He doesn't understand the world as much as the others considering he is six But he's still relatively sharp and can piece things together since he's also a detective.

It's kind of like a juggling act of what a character would instinctively do and what other factors are contributing to them doing or Not doing something about it y'know

Comedic relief characters are always so much fun to pick apart for me as well because, yeah most people are gonna just laugh them off and not think twice about them, but I feel like in a lot of franchises the comedy relief usually have something more to them that at a glance no one would really pick up and TC are suuuuch a perfect example of that

On the surface Espio's a cool, calm, collected ninja. But you go below the surface and he's a anxious teenager desperately trying to seem cool getting so embarrassed by his best friends in the world who both have higher intelligence scores than him GJFHDG

Vector is a LOUD and abrasive and hashy bashy and seems greedy but he is EXTREMELY observant he has the keen eye of a detective and can figure things out really quickly and the only reason he's always after money is to keep them alive!!

Charmy is also loud and constantly chattering and seems a little bit away with the fairies lol but again he's really observant and pieces things together sometimes unintentionally! and he's extremely hyperactive because he's SIX

and even then I feel like their characters are even more nuanced than that I just. this post is getting long and this is directionless and rambling as it is GJFH

And their relationships with one another make them even more compelling to me!! They just care about each other and love each other so much and That's why they can fight and argue and get irritated with one another without even thinking of leaving the others' sides that one GIF from Sonic Heroes where Espio and Charmy just knock Vector onto his ass for no reason at the end of a level they can bully each other because they're a silly little family and they're best friends and they LOVE EACH OTHER!!!

Anyway yeah Team Chaotix I like them ^_^

[giantchasm]

Hello. May you like to share any recent Susie-isms on your brain 👁👁

(Or any Kirby blorbo honestly. I just like your character vibes)

OUUUGHHHH. SUSIE MY FRIEND SUSIE. SHE'S EVERYTHING TO ME.

(Sorry this answer is a few days late, but I really do have a lot of thoughts about her)

Recently I've been thinking abt her relationship w mechanization a lot recently. I know it's left ambiguous in canon whether or not she's actually part machine, but she's suuuuch a robotgirl to me.

This bitch has a microchip in her brain and mechanical hands and big scary LED eyes. But also they're kinda cute and when she's choosing how to get dressed up every day she can decide on different colors and even symbols like hearts in her eyes to match whatever cute and/or unhinged vibe she's going for.

She's only part robot, but sometimes she wishes she were all robot. Life would be easier if she was perfect and unfeeling and cold and didn't make mistakes. But sadly she can't fully mechanize herself because then "She'd effectively die," and while she sometimes wonders if that would be for the best (Replacing herself with a better version of herself and all), she knows it would unfortunately make her friends sad.

Even though she's not a real robot she uses it/its pronouns sometimes and has an acronym picked out for what S.U.S.I.E allegedly stands for because she likes feeling like a machine anyways.

She has a complicated relationship with her robotics sometimes because for a long time she was convinced they made her superior to everyone else, but now that she's learning that's not true and that mechanization was apparently "a horrific thing to do to people," she occasionally wonders if people see her as some kind of freak.

But she tries not to think about it! She's better than everyone else, OK? She has to believe that. Or else she'll spiral.

Although most of her is mechanical and because of that she can't feel super well, one of her hands is still flesh and secretly she likes it when people hold it.

She thinks about her dad a lot. Her relationship with him is soooo complicated. Sometimes she hates him, but she misses him just as much. There's so much anger mixed in with crushing sadness. She wonders if he'd despise her for everything she did. She can't really blame him. She despises him too. Doesn't make it any easier, though. And so she just. Tries not to think about it. And fails.

Taranza (He's her best friend, ok?) tells her it's okay to let herself grieve and process those complicated feelings, but that's not always easy for her. She doesn't even know where to begin.

She's a loser. An unhinged, emotionally damaged wreck of a woman. Someone in the fandom as of late has taken to referring to her as 'Losie' and they're so right. I need less content of Susie actually being a girlboss and more content of Susie desperately trying to pretend to be a girlboss while actually just barely pretending to cling to her sanity with her fingernails.

Susie's interesting to me in that she like. Wears a mask on top of a mask. She pretends to be this honestly pretty nice silly cutesy unbothered chick to people she doesn't know well, but in 'reality,' she sees herself as this realistic, unbothered, cynical and strong person. But she's not that either. She's fooling even herself. Deep down, what Susie is is a scared, angry, sad little girl. Like she's not a little girl anymore-- she's a grown woman, but she'll always be the same scared little girl who got lost in Another Dimension. And she hates that fact. So she won't acknowledge it.

Funfact: in my headcanons when she first started going by 'Susie' it was when she initially got back from Another Dimension. After being forced to confront the fact that her dad didn't recognize her and being mechanized to join the company, she decided that the old Susanna was dead and she was someone new. Someone who would never cry again. She's not, but it's nice to pretend.

I also like to think she literally can't cry anymore-- LED eyes and all. Doesn't mean she doesn't want to sometimes, though.

She hates it when anyone calls her Susanna. Except Taranza. He can get away with it occasionally.

He, Magolor, Kirby and the Mage Sisters are her closest friends. She doesn't really like to admit it, but they're her buddies... even if there was some strife between her and the Mage Sisters at one point (I wrote a whole fic about this. I'm working on making it presentable to upload)

She pretends she doesn't like Magolor, but she does. See: this idea I came up with the other night and still can't get off my mind.

But then after that they pretend they didn't have a moment. NO, Kirby. You DIDN'T find them quivering and holding hands. Shut up.

Susie is weirdly liked amongst her employees. She's not even that good of a boss. Like she's a cold, calculating bitch. But after Star Dream shut down a lot of the technology that kept mechanized people functioning and alive started shutting down and she fixed all of the Haltworkers one by one. She didn't think anything of it-- she was just trying not to lose valuable workers, which would be a stupid waste of money, but now they love her. I think more than anything she just seems like an okay boss in comparison because Haltmann was so hilariously mean to his employees when in reality she's still pretty draconian.

She's trying to do better now, though! She's learning to care about 'ethics.'

When she was 7 years old and before she experienced the horrors she read Space Warrior Cats. Space Warrior Cats is exactly like real Warrior Cats except every character has 'Space' in front of their name (I.E. "Space Firestar.)

I love this hot pink bitch named breakfast.

[elegyofthemoon]

Hsr for the ask game thing! Or if it's been asked then hi3 :)

YAAAAAAAAAAAY RAMBLINGGGGGGG

the first character i ever fell in love with:

sampo :) i actually started playing hsr because of sampo! he just seemed like a silly little dude and i do tend to like the "goof but has some big lore potential going on". it took like a day of resisting to actually download the game lmao

a character that i used to love/like, but now do not:

Himeko..... I was actually really excited to get to know Himeko more when I had first started off. I mean come on: she's so beautiful! But laksjdfh I think overtime she eventually stopped standing out for me that I lost interest. That plus now that I've played HI3, the reason why I like HSR! Himeko feels like it's only because of HI3 Himeko and the importance of Himeko in the HI3 plot and for many characters' developments 😭 Sorry Himeko

a ship that i used to love/like, but now do not:

I guess KafHime tbh? I think aesthetically they're a very very pretty couple, but I just can't get behind it at all. Or I just have no reasons to get behind it since I'm not exactly invested in either characters. Though Kafka is definitely growing on me because I built her (accidental pull) and she's been doing such massive damage so like you know.

Even then I don't have anything to say about either characters aslkdjfa

my ultimate favorite character™:

surprise to no one it's Dan Heng ALKSJDFAKLSJH I can go on about why I like him, but tldr: I just got attached to him at a very very crucial point in my life and he's just a nice comfort character to me ^u^ I loved being able to get to know him further on the Luofu and all things about the High Cloud Quintet ! So... yeah :> also I miss him --

prettiest character:

IM STUCK BECAUSE I THINK DAN HENG IS SOOOOOO PRETTY BUT ALSO ARGENTIIIIIII ARGENTI IS SO BEAUTIFULLLL RADIANT KNIGHT WHO COMES WITH HIS OWN SPARKLES AND OURGHHHHHH

it's hard T _ T its very hard to tell T _ T

my most hated character:

I don't really have a character I hate. Just more disinterest towards. Dr. Ratio is definitely up there though (I ramble about him later lmao)

my OTP:

listen.... i know it has been a while.... but I still really love Serval/Cocolia. I rarely read fanfics aside from if its written by my friends but Servalia had me clawing through AO3 and Tumblr just to search for more fics for them. No one posts about them much anymore but I sure love them so much okay.

my NOTP:

i'm not going to say which ship but its one of the dan heng ships.

favorite episode:

I'll write this as "favorite update". Penacony has been suuuuch a fun ride honestly. So I'll say that entire section has been tons of fun. As of now I still haven't finished it in its entirety, but I can sense 2.2's story will probably be my favorite because I've been waiting to get to know Robin more and the Watchmaker!! But 2.1 has been fun because I just love seeing Acheron's section of it heheh :)

saddest death:

UHHH as of now, I think Aventurine's death in 2.1 was really sad :/ Hoyo did a really good job writing Aventurine and his story that once you get to the finale of the 2.1, I found myself kinda torn on how it ended. Aventurine who placed his bets on his own death because that is what his good luck is good for - winning against all odds. The epilogue scene with Aventurine walking off into the Nihility's shadow kinda got me too. And this is coming from someone who is like very.... meh on Aventurine? I can't really bring myself to get super invested in him but objectively, he is a really well thoughtout and well created character. I just have no feelings towards him.

favorite season:

I'll write this as "favorite area". It's still Penacony askldjfahlsk There's sooooo many things happening in Penacony and I loved being able to put the pieces together to figure out what's going on. It's also the first area that I had nearly read all the readables in because I'd make it my goal to finish reading every readable and 100% every area before the next update in Penacony :> I want to better understand the area I'm in and give myself ideas for where the story can go. The second area would have been Belobog because it's the only other area I was trying to 100% and read all the readables for (are the readables important in Belobog? no but some of them sure made me cry a bit LMAO)

least favorite season:

"Least favorite area" Honestly... Herta's Space Station. But that could also be because when I first started HSR, I was still orienting myself to the new world, so the space station is the least i remember. It's not that I hated it; it's trying to orient you into the new world and I was just confused for majority of it. I just don't remember enough about it nor about the people within it to care for it.

character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate:

Objectively: I'll say he's interesting and I am interested to see his development. But Dr. Ratio. I don't get it. I've seen people talk about him wanting education to be accessible to ALL which is GREAT but personality? Can't stand him.

my ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave:

Ruan Mei my most beloved. I want more of her and I feel like we didn't get enough of her. She's just so interesting as a character and while she may not be the most caring of characters - and reasons why people shit on her - I still feel like her view as a character is interesting. And even her motives of wanting to become an Aeon. I want to understand her better. Why? What drove her to want to become so? I WANT TO UNDERSTAND YOU MISS

my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave:

not a beautiful cinnamon roll but she sure is beautiful but i love Jingliu 😭😭😭 one reason why i don't like interacting with majority of the fandom is because of their viewpoint on Jingliu's companion quest. I had way way clearer thoughts on the quest when it was fresh on my brain, but I actually liked it a lot more than the fandom let on about it, and I know that people were kinda shittalking about Jingliu afterwards and that made me Mad on her behalf because I think she's a really nicely thought out character. But then again, if you know me: white hair character who is defined by mourning and grief. you know the deal LKAJDHFALKJD

idk. I just feel like she deserves better than how the fandom treats her.

my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship:

I mean whatever the hell Rondo Across Countless Kalpas had going on, Black Swan/Acheron sure kinda has me feeling a way (in which i'd risk wanting a dance with Acheron. me too Black Swan LAKJDFALKS). Also in a way Servalia too I mean. You know.

my ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship:

No one asked but I actually kinda lowkey ship Firefly/Robin. Like very very lowkey. My only reasoning is when 2.0 was fresh and i was in Mourning over Robin, I once sent a very giant and long essay to my friend N about me late night perusing and overanalyzing Firefly and Robin's deaths. like why specifically them ? Why did they have to die?

I took it in a very symbolic matter. I thought too much about Firefly's monologue about her answer to "Why do people slumber?" and her answer being "Because people are afraid to be awake" or something like that. And about how it was "If I can stop one heart from breaking" that played in the background of all this - a song that praises the comforts of a dream in the face of bleakness. In both cases, in my view, it felt like having both of them die at least in that update, the deaths also seemed to signal the idea of ceasing this concept of a dream and to face reality etc.

And that's something I'm super excited about based on where i am with HSR with arguing with Sunday over the concept of comfort vs freedom.

BUT BACK TO THE POINT OF THIS QUESTION: this concept and me fixating on their meanings, it gave me a reason to kinda put Firefly/Robin together. It's kinda nice parallel with each other in a way haha

[inact-ice]

Season 2 episode 9 let’s go!

- I’m so excited to learn more about hennn

- hen wtf is on your head. Ope not the men awkwardly laughing. White people cant recognize a black queer person if said black queer person was wrapped in a rainbow flag

- hen girl I hope you have savings or a backup plan.

- she’s at a career counsellor? This counsellor has fantastic hair, hen you should learn from her. Though this look does fit this time period.

- HEN AS BATMAN?!!

- this career counsellor is useless, im pretty sure she’s gonna have a medical emergency- oop down she goes! Ohhh so she’s a life coach. Yay hen you saved her life! I’ve been taught cpr twice and I wouldn’t have been able to save that lady

- hi hens ex girlfriend! I hate you. And right on track she’s being dismissive about hens dreams, Karen would never!!

- ooh ok they’re getting a little intersectional wit it.

- I’m pretty sure this is the episode where we meet Tommy and the severity of his bigotry will influence how I view him through the whole show, I still hate Billy from stranger things for being racist to Lukas

- hell yeah cherry bomb!

- OMG YES BURN THE HELL OUT OF YHAT UGLY WIG JESUS CHRISY THANK YOU

- cherry bomb kinda is the perfect song for this montage wow

- GO HEN GOOOOO

- WOOOOO SHE DID IT! GIRLS IN BLUE! GIRLS IN BLUE! YIPPEE

- oh I can sense the bigotry about to come. Hi Gerard. Ugh I hate him already

- TOMMY! In 5 seasons people go crazy over you and so far I cannot see why. CHIMNEY! Ugh chimney you’re constantly raising the bar, love you

- Tommy being workplace bullied for being gay… ok I’ll hold my judgements- WOAH! New York BITCHINESS… guys come on

- Gerard you are the worst and the fact that they trivialize your mess in the latest season is actually so horrific

- BOOO WHO CARES WHO THESE WHITE LOSERS SIT WITH ANYWAY! POC SOLIDARITY I KNOW THATS NOT RIGHT!!! See if Tommy could be a bit more like chimney that would go a long ways, like just a little ‘we’re in this together’… but I guess at the end of the day marginalized white people will always choose their whiteness over their marginalization, and gay white men are kinda notorious for being really bad for that. Hope he gets a good redemption arc ig

- hens gonna save the hell out of this woman!! Tommy shut the hell up, why question the paramedic oh my lord. GERARD SHUT THE FUCK UP SAME QUESTION TO YOU

- ATHENA AND HEN MEETING EEK! Omg yeah hen really is staking her whole job on this. But ofc it’s working bc she’s a genius!

- Gerard please be so fucking for real right now you useless loser trash goblin

- at least we have poc and black woman solidarity. But chimney being so nice to her really highlights how much certain other people suck… but lemme not repeat myself too much.

- hen you can’t hard work yourself into being respected by this awful bigoted man. Oh I’m so glad Buck punches this man in the face or whatever, I hate him so much… and this is the guy people were calling silly and goofy and funny? Oh I see how it is

- yay hen and Athena friendship hours! Marginalized first responders club, aw I love this for them. I like these guys, especially Casey! Hell yeah Athena, even tho your job is like inherently awful, this is valuable advice

- aw wait guys I feel so bad I already hate Tommy and his stupid face😭 I just can’t believe he called her a bitch completely unprompted like what. I was under the impression that he did all this stuff like totally prompted by Gerard

- oh hen this speech is so goooood, 10/10 monologue! And ofc chimney supports her instantly, solidarityyyyy

- will tommy be nicer to hen now that he knows they’re both gay

- hen fuck that guy, you are so right as always. CHIMNEYYYY, you are suuuuch a fave I love you! Sooooolidarity! No bc he’s like risking his JOB for her! Where’s Tommy??? Nowhere to be found. I wish I hadn’t known he was gay beforehand bc that makes it feel more like a betrayal

- oh shit I really hope this kid survives. YAY! YAY CHIMNEY AND HEN VULNERABLE CRYING BEST FRIEND SOLIDARITYYYY

- oh yay they’re giving hen her flowers! Ok! All is not forgiven bc I didn’t hear an apology, but that was pretty ok!

- YAY GERARD GOT FIRED?!! Oh the guys stepped up! Yippee, hen I’m so happy for you. Not to make this about Tommy but I hope it’s revealed that he was one of the guys to complain bc that would fix a lot for me

- chimneyyy you mischievous little MAN! I love you chimney, you’re the best!

- they did such a good job of writing hen without making her a mammy bc I can see how these writers would’ve messed that up but damn

- hen redeeming herself with her outro speeches love it

Ok that’s definitely my favourite episode so far, the writing was very good (even though they dropped and picked up some themes on intersectionality kinda abruptly) and I feel like I know hen a lot better now! Like I’ve thought before that she can be kinda snippy sometimes, not in a bad way or anything, it’s just something I’ve noticed! And this episode really showcased that it’s not that she’s snippy, but that she’s one of those people who’s really outspoken and very principled. It’s kind of refreshing to see from a show where our other main black representation is Athena…. But lemme not go on my cop rant. Yeah this episode was just great for the most part, and the emergencies were strangely more grounded than other emergencies in other shows, so I felt more anxious during them. Ig part of it was the knowledge that hen could be fired at any moment too. This whole episode has made me feel so happy for where hen is now, she has such a strong support system who’ll protect and support her against things like racism or sexism now, it makes me so happy!

I gotta say, I’ve been thinking of some posts I’ve seen regarding Tommy while I watched this episode, and while I think the posts that say he didn’t really do anything wrong of his own fruition are like lying for some reason, he’s definitely not irredeemable! I’m cautiously optimistic to see the development of his character all the way in season 7 and to see how he’s changed and stuff. I don’t get why everyone likes him so much yet, but ig this is just like the point in the character arc where he’s at his lowest and I do see potential!

[metalgearemily]

persona 4 is like the worst thing ever. It has suuuuch a good catch and a good start but it starts dragging so so so so hard midway. it feels like they passed off writing characters to completely different people it’s so wack. yosuke. is possibly the worst character to be put in video games ever. And they tricked me with him. They said hey here’s this endearing best friend character he’s a little silly but he wants to solve the case. He’s kind of girl obsessed but not to a point where it’s annoying, just regular ass teenage boy. Ok close your eyes. Now open them! We made him a sex pest. We made him a sex pest. You better believe any time he has the opportunity to objectify a woman. He will. I’m going to create a tulpa yosuke so I can show him all the gay porn people draw of him. gamw picks up for sure near the end tho I just close my eyes anytime yosuke is on screen. and teddy fuck that stupid bear

[yournowheregirl]

1, 7, 12, and 13 bestie! 💛

1 what was the first fandom and/or pairing that you wrote fic for?

okay bear with me here, but it was hamilton. and before you say anything, none of those fics were ever published, it was just a bunch of silly little stories that will never see the light of day (though i might use some plotlines in st fics, who knows). first fic i actually published was for community, in spring 2022.

7 which part of writing do you struggle with the most?

actually writing things down haha. i usually have a concept in my head and i know vaguely where i want it to go but then to have to follow up on that and actually write the scenes.... impossible. also kissing scenes and/or anything physical is just the worst. what are limbs? where do they go? how do lips work? when do they need to pull away for air? (also anything to do with dicks, i just can't figure them out for the life of me. i'll just leave that to the other very talented fic writers out there)

12 is there a trope that you haven't written yet but really want to?

exes to lovers!! it's suuuuch a perfect trope for steddie and there are already so many lovely fics centered around this trope but there's just something about the bitterness and the leftover emotions and the still-secretly-caring-about-each-other that drives me nuts (do i want this in real life? no freaking way. do i eat it up every time when i see a steddie fic with this trope? hell yes)

13 is there a trope you wouldn't write if it was the last trope on earth?

i simply do not vibe with a/b/o fics. they're just not my thing.

[97-liners]

akjdsfhhj im so glad you enjoyed my silly little comments <33 im so glad i was right abt jun and hao (so this was the reason i learned literary analysis!)

and i knew the sharing shampoo thing sounded familiar! i couldnt find the video where they talked abt using the face wash so i wasnt completely sure (and i also couldn't remember whose they were using but ofc it was xiaojun)

and i honestly cant believe chicken breast agenda was so long ago either but unfortunately that mental image has been seared into my memory 💔

-em

(and a million hearts for you too!!!)

OF COURSE i enjoyed your review it literally makes me soooo happy to know that people are reading my writing and absorbing it and making deductions and drawing connections.. literally nothing more i could ask for as a writer !!!!!!!

also yes of course it was xiaojun 😔😔😔😔 it was suuuuch a wayv story

[prisonguards]

Im trying really hard not to be a cunt abt it (and kinda failing so I might be off tumblr the rest of the day) cause Im sure the anons and those boundary accounts are well meaning individuals who Think theyre fostering a respectful community, but in reality it leads to a culture of shame and harassment and tries to make fan spaces front and center for the creators, rather than the fans. I think putting creators on the spot and forcing them to answer “boundary” questions through donos they feel obligated to respond to is particularly rude and uncomfortable, especially when its something that doesnt even enter their peripheries, that now theyre suddenly aware of. tag your stuff, block tags you dont wanna see, let others do what makes them happy. soft tagged kissy art on tumblr dot com isnt gonna ruin this 29 year old mans life even if he finds it “a bit weird”

[ashenberry]

we are so normal about security breach i prommy [insert drawing of freddy if i could draw him]

JIIWSODAJDOI ITS LIIKEE oooommmggg its got that sonic 06 appeal where its like. you can see how its put together YOU CAN SEE WHAT THEY WERE THINKING BETWEEN THE PRE RELEASE AND THE RELEASE hoooowww they were ductaping the game together in a rush because they flew tooo close to the sun and their wings melted and the game was coming out toooo soon and they had to cut shit due to bugs they couldnt fix in time like i mentioned giga monty BUT BUT ALSO THE UHHH. JUMP SCARE PRESENTS? cut bc they killed the sound most likely. HOW much of the story was cut bc of bugs. was this the reason the vanny meter was removed or was it a gameplay flow thing? all the cut silly little minigames that are gone the FACT THAT THERES A MASSIVE UNUSED SECTION THAT IM SURPRISED THEY HAVENT TAKEN OUT OF THE FILES?? wah wah. oh oh ! the fuckin. the undersection that had signs about where they would have lead you like. THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN SUCH A BIG CLARITY THING AND THEY HAD TO CUT IT BC THEY DIDNT HAVE TIME and its like suuuuch a different situation to 06 where like. sonic games are chronically crunched unfort and 06 was probably when its at its worst (idk im not too deep into sonic circles) but liiike. 06 didnt get any delays and had its team split and was also under segas shitty practices at the time STEEL WOOL IS INDIE THIS IS ENTIERLY A THING OF AMBITION THIS WAS LIKE. hubris. and the problem is i dooo have a hard time of imagining a smaller SB besides like. only keeping like 3 of the endings (leave / afton / fucking. i would say a fuckin vanny ending but uh. lol) wah. annyways thats me being normal i hope one day steel wool talks about this games development.

[novelconcepts]

your hot takes in bly manor are honestly making my day SO: jamie and dani being direct parallels to peter and rebecca (peter and jamie both with abusive/tragic childhoods, rebecca and dani both being au pairs and falling for them).....let's discuss

Okay. I’ve been sitting on this since it came in, parsing it out, because it’s suuuuch a choice. Such a good solid, sometimes subtle choice to place these two love stories end to end. To have Peter and Jamie both come from low-income, low-class beginnings with shitty parents, and to watch them grow into such different adults. Peter, trying constantly to game the system, to pull himself up. Jamie, who has been through not only trauma, but also the therapy that was necessary after the fact, throwing herself as far into the opposite of the system as she can. Down to the way they dress: Peter trying to look upper class and rich in his suits, Jamie slouching around in whatever is functional and comfortable, not caring the least if there’s dirt on her face. They hold themselves as complete opposites, and they scorn each other’s way of existing in the world. Peter because Jamie looks like the help. Jamie because Peter acts like a controlling asshole.

So these women come into their lives, these women who are so similar on the surface. Both good with children, both nurturing, both smarter than anyone wants to give them credit for by looking. Both want to make a difference in the world: Rebecca wants to be a lawyer, and Dani just...wants to make some kind of impact. Both have been boxed in by society’s expectations. Pretty young women aren’t expected to be anything deeper. They both are running from that, and that leads them both to this house and this family.

Peter, now, Peter doesn’t do family. Peter’s home life sucked. Peter isn’t here to make friends, he’s here to climb the ladder. Peter wants nothing more than to be of Henry’s class, and is so resentful of being viewed as lesser. And that bitterness shapes his interactions with the family of Bly. He’s charming and fake and constantly throwing barbs at Hannah—and repeats it with Rebecca—about how they’re just the help. They’re not family. They don’t get to have that.

Jamie? This IS Jamie’s family. She’s scrappy and she’s rough around the edges and she’ll threaten to throttle a child, but she loves them. She loves these people, and she does have her own separate home, as Peter does, but she spends so much time with them all the same. Dinners and fixing things around the house that aren’t necessarily the gardener’s problem. And she’s been there for the kids’ performances, even if she rolls her eyes every time. She teases Owen and Hannah, she knows them, she lets them know her. No one is surprised when she and Dani fall in love. There are no awkward “what’s this gay shit” looks between Owen and Hannah about it. Just like Jamie clearly sees the chemistry between them, like you do when you love people and want them happy.

So Peter meets Rebecca and she’s...not a means to an end, exactly. She won’t help him climb. I do believe he loves her, in his own way. But it’s manipulative from the start. Point out the stain on her blouse, an instant flaw. Here, have some flowers—but I’ll give them to the child while looking at you. Pretend to be so nice and so good with kids, but as a show to make her interested. And even their first night together, he just...is lurking outside her door. We’re meant to think he’s a bump in the night, a scary ghost, until she opens the door.

Contrast with Jamie and Dani. Dani is instantly such a part of the family for Jamie that she doesn’t even think to introduce herself. You’re here, and I’m here, and why weren’t you here all along? Feels like you were. She teases Dani from the start: about being crap at making tea, about being American, about silly little things, but the first time she sees Dani in distress? She goes to her. She instantly tells her she’s doing well. And before that, she gives a glimpse of her own self: “I cry all the time.” Here is my vulnerability. I see yours, I give some back. Their first night together isn’t quick and it isn’t dirty and it isn’t even easily won. They’re slow. Glances. A brush of hands. Jamie staying over in the house to be close, like Peter does, but not going to Dani; she just sleeps on the couch alone. And there are conversations. Conversations about how Dani needs to take care of herself. About how Dani has felt pain and loss. And when Dani throws herself into a kiss, Jamie instantly asks if she’s sure. Consent all the way down, setting the stage for their whole life.

And even when they do go on that date, and Jamie does share so much of herself, and they do go to bed together—Dani wants her to stay. Instantly. “You could come back.” And Jamie gently, lovingly, says, “There will be other nights.” Contrast again with Peter grabbing Rebecca by the wrist. Dragging her back with physical restraint. Forcing her to stay. Jamie leaves for the night, with the promise that she will be back, and when she does stay: it’s forever. It’s on equal terms. I’m back, and I’m here, if you want me. If you want the company. You get to decide, too.

Peter? Peter tries to sweep Rebecca away. Quite literally. Tries to hide away with her in the forbidden wing. Tries to wrap her in upper class clothing he has no rights to. Tries to memorialize her in photos, keeping her stagnant, keeping her with him in a way that promotes no growth. He decides for the both of them how they will be: when he can be kind, when he can abuse her for innocuous actions, when he will sweep back into her life and pretend it never happened. He doesn’t invite her to America; he says he’s got a plan. He makes it sound grand and exciting, but never tells her he’s going to make her an accomplice to theft. And when he dies, he intentionally haunts her—hides her away in her own memories—lies to her to make sure he won’t be alone. Kills her, because it’s better than never having her at all. He takes all that potential and reduces it to a moment’s decision without her consent. And leaves her to feel it alone.

Jamie...Jamie is all about growth. Jamie is all about organic forward momentum. Giving Dani space to say no, to breathe, to choose. Giving her options. Maybe we can go on this adventure together. Vermont, maybe—but doesn’t have to be. I just want to be with you, in whatever way makes you happy. They make a plan together. And they don’t hide away from anything. She certainly will never leave Dani to feel pain alone. She actively, intentionally says, “I will feel everything for both of us.” I will never let you carry this alone. You are here. Stay with me, please. Not by holding too tight or twisting the narrative, but just with the simple love of someone who wants to be with their person forever.

And of course that’s why the way Dani leaves hurts, and why it’s necessary. She knows Jamie too well. Jamie would want to be dragged down with her, if it meant not being alone. If Peter would kill to stave off loneliness, Jamie would die for it. And Dani can’t have that.

This is long, I’m sorry, but one more thing: it’s not lost on me that Peter’s preservation of Rebecca is a static photograph and Jamie’s is a story. Stories have a way of taking on lives of their own. Of growing and changing details with every retelling. Of being organic beasts in their own right. A photo stays the exact same forever, until it fades away. A story? A good story breathes.

[obeymematches]

Hey! I thoroughly enjoy your matchups and would be super happy if I could also have one 🥺🙈 I'm already apologizing if it ends up too long x

My name is Julia, my friends call me Pan (because I was obsessed with Peter Pan in high school 😂), I'm from Greece and I'm studying English and History. I am Leo and an INFJ

I tend to be really shy at first, I keep to myself most of the time when I'm not around my 2 friends. Once you start talking to me though, I become a literal crackhead. I'm really bubbly, sometimes clumsy and at times really loud, and I'd probably have to say I'm the clown in my friendgroup? My friends and I share the same braincell and they end up having it most of the time. That's why I get into so many dumb situations, like the one time I swallowed coins at 3 am because I wanted to win a bet (my doctor thought it was so funny, he decided to call me piggy bank for the rest of my life). Memes are the drugs I feast upon. I'm that one friend who sends you memes at 4 am on a school night - and then get sad if you don't reply. My dad once said I'm like the gum under your shoe once you pay me the slightest attention and I.. have to agree honestly. I love having fun, pulling harmless pranks on my friends and family. If I find myself in trouble I basically cry my way through it or end up making friendship bracelets to show them that I do mean well! 🥺 Things that I would say are my faults would probably be not knowing when jokes go too far? I tend to get really insecure then and second guess every single thing that I do.

I love reading books and playing video games! I'm really into fantasy and basically living in your own little bubble. I adore children and my love for them and literature inspired me to become a teacher! Other stuff I really enjoy are musicals!! I live for reenacting scenes on your own, and I may have gotten on my family's nerve during lockdown (I'm currently loving "Six"). I also like watching documentaries on true crime or supernatural stuff at 3 am, which is super dumb because I get easily scared - but I can't stop??? That's why I love watching buzzfeed unsolved 🥰

I don't really have any ongoing hobbies to be honest? I love crafts but I do it really rarely🤔 I used to do karate when I was younger but I gave up on it once I started having exams and.. well existential crises.

That's it, I believe! Sorry if I went on and on🥺

Stay safe during this crazy time❤

-----------

Hi Julia!!! 

Sorry i’m so late, thank you for sending in a request! I hope I don’t disappoint! 

So i think you’d definitely get along well with Mammon, he’s the first to come to my mind here. But I think... Satan also? 

So it’s hard to decide, I think you can get along with both, but something tells me Mammon is cuter with you. 

Here’s why: 

So in canon we don’t really know anything about what he’s like when he’s like super serious but i think it’s canon that he’s probably one of the most loyal demons so that’s something to bring to a relationship! 

I think he would really like you being a bit care-free and the fact that he can get you to be stupid together. 

Like you two would start off as a friendship and dare the other to do stuff you shouldn’t be doing (but it’s not harmful, it’s just silly) 

So that is how both of you would crush on the other but of course he would never admit it without some pushing being the tsundere he is.

I think he would realize that he kinda needs to better himself a bit especially in the field of education

like i don’t think he really blames teachers if he fails, but being with you would probably change his views. although he would never be the smartest cookie in the box

to spend time with you he might actually want to study with you. i mean that is what he would say as an excuse to hang out with you without being a creep

The fact that you’re a little bit shy and you have your own circle and world kinda draws him in honestly. it’s so cute, he wants to be part of that squad! 

on that note, he would do his best to get along with your friends but with respect to his relationship with you. 

He can be a bit clingy once he really open up to you, so I don’t think you would mind that about the other! 

Teasing you about your clumsiness would be a common thing though, but it’s funny because you can tease him a lot too about the silly things he does

I think he would totally find you hilarous and would be so proud to be with you and if you know him, you can tell that without him having to say it 

Sometimes he can be a little insulting but I think he would make up to you however he can. Hang out with you until you forgive? Buying you something you wanted since forever? anything to make you forgive him!! 

Well he’s not that much of a reader but he sure like videogames! i can totally see him lose in mario kart lol

I think he’s really supportive of what you like! even if you like something he doesn’t. you could get him to go on a musical date with you and at first he might frown but he’d end up enjoying it sooo much you’d catch him humming something from a piece weeks after you saw it 

He gets scared easily too so that is suuuuch a cute pair tbh! think about that! 

Hmmm he’d probably want to test your knowledge of karate, like he would totally want to fite you but of course not to the point of seriously injury, just for fun!

All in all; you’d find a supportive, loyal, and silly best friend in him and down the road that would turn into the best relationship ever! Some conflicts might occour every now and then, but it’s nothing that you two can’t overcome. he would totally want to make your friends jealous that you have the best bf ever but he would never cheat.

[o-holynight]

The Good Kinda Love

Title: The Good Kinda Love

Pairing: Joe Mazzello x Reader

Word count: 4.1k 

Summary: When you have to take care of your drunken best friend, things could get a bit out of hand...and you let them.

Tags: smut, drunk!Joe, friends-to-lovers, secret relationship, frottage, shower sex?, light bondage, hair pulling, sexting, dirty talk, and yet also a lot of FLUFF

[A/N]: HUGE BIG THANK TO MY PARTNER IN CRIME, @lovehelpmewrite​ Couldn’t have done it without ya babe. Another singular thank to @godyouredull for being my hype man. Totally did not write some of this at work today...

_______________________________________________________________________

You’re about to turn in for the night when you hear your phone buzzing in the near distance, signaling a phone call. That’s odd, you thought, who would be calling me at this hour? You take a glance at the screen and smile softly when you see Joe’s name scrolling across the top of your phone, a goofy selfie of the two of you taking up the whole screen before you pressed answer. “Hello?” you say, wondering what he could be calling you about.

“Heyyyyyyy, uh, I nee’some help,” he said, words obviously very slurred. He was drunk--no--wasted. You sigh as you ask him hopelessly for the name of the bar he is at, before giving up and checking his location in his contact. “I’ll be right there sweetie, just stay right where you are, okay?” You hung up and grabbed your jacket before heading out the door. Joe and you had been friends since childhood. Best friends, you might venture to say. There had always been something there though, you could feel it, and you’re pretty sure that he could too. But neither of you dare to ruin what you have had going for years, on a hunch.

In no time, you were helping Joe up the stairs of his apartment building. It was tough, since you were quite a bit smaller than him. He was leaning most of his weight on you, as you held him under the shoulders with one hand supporting him on his chest. You can feel him breathing deeply through his thin white t-shirt, as well as his breath warm against your neck. He kept nuzzling into the crook of your neck, burying his face into your hair. You’d be lying if you said it didn’t give you butterflies, but you knew that Joe was an affectionate man. Even more-so when he had a few drinks in him. So this was par for the course.

As you reached his apartment door, you pushed through and walked him to his bed, sitting him down on it. He hugged you as you set him down, not wanting to let go, arms lingering down your back. “Thank you so much you’re suuuuch a good friend wow I don’t deserve you. You--you’re so good to me and I didn’t do anything to deserve thAT oh god you’re so nice I just love you.” Joe rambled as he gradually laid down onto his pillow. You smiled through his ramblings, as you pulled his jeans off to make him more comfortable. But your ears perked up at his last words. You don’t know if he meant to say it, but you definitely caught it. He said he loved you. Of course he loves you. You’ve been inseparable for years. You just chuckled and shook your head, thinking yourself silly for getting all worked up. He notices you shaking your head and sits back up to look into your eyes. “No really, I just really love you, y’know? You’re so good to me and I don’t deserve any of it. God you’re just so NICE and I’m really not so I don’t even know why you are. I’m glad you are though, I love being around you too much.” He smiled, repeating a lot of his musings, sighing wistfully as if he’s talking about a dream.

Your heart clenches, because you love being around him too. You decide to take a chance, and scoot up to his side on the bed. “You know I love you too Joey, you know that...right?” you say, hopeful that he picks up on your true undertones as you rub his back comfortingly.

“‘Course I do, it’s just not in that way.” he replies sadly.

Your heart skips a beat as you look at him inquisitively. “In what way Joe?” you ask nervously.

“You knowww, like I wanna hold your hand ‘n’ kiss you ‘n’ stuff. The good kinda love.” And with that, he threw himself back onto the bed, nervously burying his face into his pillow. He tosses and turns, embarrassed about what he just admitted, until you laid down next to him. He peeked up at you, wanting to see your face just inches away from his.

Your heart could nearly have burst at his display of shy yet raw emotions. “We can hold hands if you want…” you said, smiling softly, laying your hand on top of his. This action made him blush and bury his face again.

After laying there in silence for a few more moments, you came to the conclusion that he wanted you to stay the night, since he didn’t seem to want to let go of your hand anytime soon. That’s when you remembered the reason why you were here in the first place. He was drunk. Possibly drunk enough to not remember this in the morning. The thought made you heart sink, but you still wanted to stay and make sure that he didn’t get into any more trouble. You slowly slipped off your jacket, tossing it onto the chair by the side of Joe’s bed. You climbed back into his bed, laying on the far side of the bed, as to not be in the way.

As the night went on, Joe continued tossing and turning. You could hear small grunts of disapproval coming from him, and the occasional pitiful whine. You could feel his arms searching the king bed for something, when he finally huffed loudly and called out to you, “Can you just c’mere? I wanna cuddle you.” He continues flailing his arms about, when his hand gently comes across your arm. His grip then turns solid and he chuckles and says in a small voice, “Found ya.”

You couldn’t help but chuckle at his antics, and scoot closer to him, gladly coming to rest in his arms. He continues wriggling himself closer to you, pulling your body into his, and that’s when you realize, he’s half asleep, but fully hard. He keeps rutting himself into your butt, and you’re not entirely sure what to do. It feels so good, but you shouldn’t really be letting it happen. The two of you are just friends after all, despite what he might be saying. He’s not in any mindset to make decisions about your relationship right now...but it feels so good. You just bite into your bottom lip harder and harder, grabbing onto the sheets, hoping that maybe he won’t remember this part in the morning.

However, it seems like he is just getting more into it, going even harder against your backside. You let out a small whimper into the pillow, and are surprised when you hear a faint curse come from behind you. You know he’s awake now, and fully aware of what he’s doing to you. You think he might be sobering up slightly, at least a little bit, because he has enough strength back to grab your waist and turn you around in bed. You’re now face to face and both of you have got slightly pink cheeks. “Wan’ me to keep going?” he asks, even though the grinding has not stopped. He just wants to make sure that you’re okay with taking the next step so quickly.

You nodded fervently and he took charge and grabbed you by the waist, bringing you into a straddling position across himself. You pseudo-rode him, able to feel his dick against you through your thin joggers and his boxers, almost as if it was the real thing. But it wasn’t...after all, you two were just friends.

_______________________________________________________________________

The next morning, Joe woke up with a pounding head, and a pounding heartbeat. He opened his eyes and looked down to see your head laying on his chest, which accelerated his heartbeat even faster. He tried to move slowly out from under you. That’s when he felt it. The wetness in the front of his shorts. Did he have a goddamn wet dream or something? That hasn’t happened for years...many years. He slid out from under you, trying his hardest not to wake you, but you stirred easily. You yawned and stretched sweetly, smiling up at him.

“Heyyyyy, you. Sorry about last night I just totally blacked out and wow I just feel terrible I don’t even know how I got home, but I know it must have something to do with you, because here you are. You’re here. In my bed. Hey I’ll be back, you just stay there, I’ll just be one little second, don’t mind me.” Joe rambled on again, grabbing his jeans from the ground and holding them in front of his crotch, needlessly hiding himself from you, and grabbing a new pair of underwear from his top drawer before darting into the bathroom and shutting the door behind him.

He leaned back against the door, catching his breath slightly. What the fuck? He thinks to himself. He can’t lose you like this, not because of one stupid drunken night when he doesn’t even know what the fuck he’s done. And he was being so weird, why the fuck do I have to be so weird, he chastised himself. He pulls his new shorts on and splashes some water onto his face trying to remember any detail from last night. He wasn’t wearing his pants. Did you take them off, or did he? Did you see him naked? Did he see you naked? His thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock on the door.

“Joey, do you need something? Water, aspirin, anything?”

“NO!” he replies a little too quickly, not in anger, just in distress, because he is still processing.

You began wondering if he regretted it all. But little did you know, he is just wondering if he made a royal fool of himself, because he absolutely does not want to ruin any of his chances moving forward.

“Okay well I suppose I will head home then.” you said, starting to turn away from the door, when he flings it open, shouting “Wait!”, and grabbing ahold of your hand.

Somehow, that sparks something in him. His memory of last night came slipping back into his mind as he looked down at the two of your hands clasped together once again. He gets flashes of you laying beside him in bed, holding his hand. “I wanted to hold your hand...right?”

You blush and nod, biting your lip, thankful that he remembered, and didn’t seem to regret it one bit.

“But I take it things got a little out of hand...no pun intended.” he said, raising his eyebrows, knowing that you knew the reason he retreated so quickly into the bathroom.

“Wellll, not exactly...but maybe just a bit.” you said, blushing, remembering the events of last night as clear as day.

“Listen, I woke up with jizz in my pants, and I ain’t 15 anymore, so, you wanna fill me in?” he said with a chuckle, leading you back to the bed to sit down and talk.

_______________________________________________________________________

The two of you had a lengthy conversation about what this meant for your friendship. You didn’t want to ruin anything by jumping into things after one drunken night. But you were already in too deep to go back to how things were before. Friends with benefits seemed to be the most rational decision at this point in time. But you didn’t want to take things too far either. You had both decided that whatever happened, you didn’t really want to sleep with each other, until you were sure of things. But that didn’t mean you couldn’t do other things together.

After your discussion, you both were in desperate need of a shower. So naturally--or what was the new natural--you both hopped into Joe’s shower together.

Joe tried his hardest to not ogle your naked body for the first time. He tried not to stare, but you’re standing so close to him, fully naked, and fully gorgeous. He tries to focus on shampooing his hair away from the stream of the shower. It was then that he realized he had far too many suds on his head. “Here, I have too much,” he said, plopping the extra bubbles onto your head, laughing as you drip with the remaining soap. You laugh along with him, trying not to get his shampoo in your eyes.

As Joe is shaving his stubble in the small mirror attached to the wall of the shower, you can’t help yourself but stare, mesmerised as the blades drag across his face and neck, gliding over his Adam’s apple so delicately. He taps it off when you say, “Y’ missed a spot.”

“Oh so you WERE staring...gotcha.” he smirked as he finished up his one last spot, pleased with himself.

You blushed wildly, being caught admiring him. You quickly lathered your own head up before rinsing out the shampoo, forming your hair into a loose ponytail and squeezing it out under the water stream. Suddenly, Joe grabs ahold of your ponytail, wrapping it around his hand, tugging it back, exposing your neck. He pauses for a long moment, debating on whether or not he wants to dive in and mark your neck.

He leans in slowly and presses a kiss to your pulse, testing the metaphorical waters. You sighed in delight, and brought your hand up to the back of his neck to keep him close, and he starts going to town on your neck. Kissing, biting, sucking. Not before long, he’s half hard again, and his hand starts drifting down your body, hovering just above your clit when you grip onto his hair and yank his head away from your neck.

“Tsk, remember what we said, Joey?”

He practically whimpered in response.

“We agreed, no touching.” you continued.

He stays standing there with you holding him in place, as he has to just watch while you reach your own hand down and start touching yourself in front of him. You moan, and he whines even more.

“Go ahead and touch yourself for me baby. Wanna see you get off with me.” you moaned breathily into his ear.

He obliged without hesitation, bringing his hand down and wrapping it around his dick, pumping himself fervently, the slickness of the water aiding in his speed.

“So good, you’re doing so good for me baby, touching yourself all nice.” you encourage him, as you grow closer and closer to orgasm. Your grip on his hair weakens, and his head dips down, forehead resting on your shoulder, focusing intently on your hands working quickly. He is whining and moaning again--something you have grown to learn is common for him when he’s aroused--so you talk him through it. “Come on sweetheart, cum for me Joey, I know you can do it.” You’re breathy and moaning now too, and so fucking close, and just as Joe sucks another hickey onto your neck, he starts cumming and moaning your name into the crook of your shoulder. Simply the sound of Joe reaching orgasm to the tune of your name is enough to send you over the edge as well.

You both had to take a moment standing in the cooling spray of water for a couple moments to regain your composure. The two of you laugh at the whole situation, and you press a little kiss to the side of Joe’s head. He makes a small noise of appreciation before sluggishly leaning over to turn off the water. You both get out and slowly help each other get wrapped in towels and get dry.

From that day on, it was all shy smiles and knowing glances. You two stayed strong, and stuck to your rules. No fucking. No kissing. No touching each other in that way. You’re too close now to go back to how you were before.

_______________________________________________________________________

For as long as you have known Joe’s friend group, they always has suspected that something was going on between you two. There never was, up until now. But that didn’t stop the boys from speculating.

For example, you’re the only person you’ve ever known that has been allowed to call Joe “Joey”. He hates whenever anyone calls him that, because he says that it makes him feel like a baby. But whenever you call him Joey, you can see the smallest beginnings of a smirk forming on his face.

One time someone had called him Joey out at a party once, after you had said it in passing. It made you irrationally jealous for some reason. That was, until Joe snapped at them saying, “It’s Joe.” The person stammered apologies, and was about to say, motioning towards you, “But she just--” when Joe cut him off saying, “Yeah, only she gets to call me that.”

From then on, the boys definitely thought something was up. Ben leaned over to Gwil, saying “Oh they’ve GOT to be fucking.” to which Gwil replies, “Oh yeah, no, absolutely.” However, Rami can read Joe like an open book. He’s been friends with Joe the longest, after you, and he knows there is something between the two of you, he just isn’t sure what yet.

_______________________________________________________________________

It was another day of hanging out with the boys. Just lounging around, having a lazy day, watching a movie, shooting the breeze. You and Joe have been secretly seeing each other for a while now--but of course, nothing serious. You were still in the honeymoon phase of whatever this was...not being able to go one day without saying the dirtiest things to one another, knowing that you’re driving the other crazy not being able to do anything about it. This lead to a lot of sexting...and it didn’t stop when you were together in person either. You two had been texting all afternoon. Coming up with filthy, sexy one liners, daring the other to let a moan slip out in the presence of their close friends. But it comes at a price.

“Who in the hell could you guys be texting? All your friends are in this room.” Rami says, only half joking. You quickly stow your phone in your lap, suddenly embarrassed and trying not to show it on your face.

“I’ll have you know, I have plenty of friends,” Joe stated matter-of-factly.

“Name one.” Gwil pipes up from between you and Joe, only looking over at him when he hesitated a bit too long on his answer. He could not think of one friend? Is he serious? Your palms started sweating.

“...Kevin…” Joe sputtered out.

“Joe, there is no Kevin.” Gwil retorted.

“There damn well is a Kevin…” Joe started, but then trailed off, “...somewhere.”

At that moment, while Joe was distracted, Ben snatched his phone out of his hand. Your heart dropped when you thought you had been discovered. But that’s when you remembered that your name wasn’t in Joe’s phone. He had you in his phone as some random nickname from when you two were growing up. Thank god. This could be fun then.

“ooooOOOOHHH, lads, our little Joey’s got himself a girlfriend,” Ben said instantly, reading the beginning of your texts together. His face dropped as he absorbed the words he was taking in, “and she’s fucking FILTHY.”  

Joe reaches for his phone, but Ben pulls away, continuing to read the texts. This time, out loud. He starts out in a high pitched, mocking tone, but quickly drops into his regular tone as he realizes the filth of it all. “‘God Joey, so pretty when you cum for me, just wanna watch your face while you get yourself off for me again.’ Holy fuck, Joe.”

Everyone sits in silence for a beat.

Joe clears his throat awkwardly. “Yep, let’s all have a great big laugh, hah hah hah.” And with that, he lunges at Ben, to no avail. Ben hopped up and stood behind the couch where Joe couldn't reach him. Gwil managed to hold Joe down while Ben continued on.

“Wish you could just bury your hand down your pants right now, while all your friends watch, cause you want me so badly. But you can’t have me, can you?”

This gave you a sneaky idea. You took your phone back out, and typed a quick little message to Joe, adding to the excitement of Ben.

You thought you were pretty covert about it, but Rami definitely noticed, not being preoccupied by holding Joe down, or playing keep-away with his phone. He noticed a lot of things that went on between you and Joe. The fact that you’re typing at the same time as Joe’s phone gets a new text. The fact that the girl in the message called him Joey, when he knows that you’re the only one that calls him that. The fact that you two seem to be growing closer and closer. He’s meticulously adding all of these things up in his head.

Meanwhile, the other two boys are freaking out over the new message. “Holy shit,” Ben chuckles, “You going quiet on me now baby? I just love it when you whine for me.”

“Oh good, so now we know what you’re like in bed. Whining? Really Joe?” Gwil said, patting his arm and releasing his grasp.

“And a complete sub. Way to go, Joe.” Ben added with a hearty laugh.

“Okay, OKAY--I’m,” Joe groaned in frustration, “I’m not a comPLETE SUB, alright? Man, if you knew the things…” but he trailed off.

You shot Joe a look. Not a complete sub, huh? Not so sure about that.

_______________________________________________________________________

The night started off innocent enough. You had the thought in your head for a number of days, and brought it up to Joe. “So, we can’t touch each other, eh? Well, what if we couldn’t even touch ourselves?” Luckily he was all for it. It was his idea however, to slip hair-ties from your bathroom counter over both of your wrists, keeping them strapped together to keep you two disciplined.

You both settled onto your respective sides of your bed, and started rutting up against the bed, pillows, anything to give you the slightest amount of friction. You couldn’t touch each other, and you couldn’t touch yourselves, so all you had to go off of was each others’ voices.

“Fuck, Joey, God I’d ride you so hard baby. Slip your cock in me--”

“God I bet you’re so wet for me, all nice and warm and tight--fuck” Joe said, cutting you off with a moan.

You keep going back and forth, spewing dirty words to each other, desperate and needy for any kind of stimulation. You can tell that Joe is close, his grinding against the pillow faltering. “Lemme see you baby, gotta see what the fuck I’m missing out on.”

“Rather put it inside of you.” he groaned as he climaxed and spilled out onto the pillowcase.

You whimpered along with him, longing to be around him as he’s pulsing. You’re so close, you just need something, anything, to push you over the edge. Almost as if he was reading your mind, Joe made his way onto your side of the bed, straddling the very same pillow that you were.

“Hey look at me, open your eyes look at me I’m right here.” He made direct eye contact with you, those eyes that were practically black with so much lust. “Wanna kiss you so fucking bad right now, want to wrap my lips around your clit and help you get there. Want to put my fingers deep inside of you and feel you cum into my hand.”

That’s all it took for you to shake with orgasm, clenching down on the pillow as you maintained eye contact with Joe and gripping the pillowcase between the two of you.

As you were coming down from your high, Joe gently slid the makeshift restraints off of his wrists before attending to yours. He interlocked his fingers between yours, pushing you back onto the bed, hands above your head. He pressed soft kisses to your neck, shoulders, and gradually up the underside of your arm, tickling you in more ways than one.

“God, I love you,” he breathed almost silently onto your skin.

“Fuck, I love you too Joey.” You smiled as he picked his head up and looked into your eyes. “The good kinda love.”

He couldn’t help but smirk as he leaned down and kissed you passionately. He didn’t fucking care about rules anymore. All he knew was that he was in love with you and he needed to kiss you right here right now.