#this took. a lot longer than I'm willing to admit lol

[exile-arc]

ON EXILE AND LOSING YOURSELF.

Sources: ship of theseus, britannica / @.thunderbottle / rat a tat, fall out boy / silhouettes, shadows and reflections, mission vista / i don't know, ghost quartet / window of awareness, holly warburton / exile vilify, the national / @.waddei / rat a tat, fall out boy / event horizon, wiktor jackowski / tommyinnit tvtropes page

[dreamingcloudie]

Since I can't sleep still, I'm just going to comply with my Dottore brain rot even more :')

Imagining being in Dottore's lab being bandaged up after fighting some treasure hoarders and getting hurt, he's scolding you for getting hurt while tending to your wounds but also being gentle with you. As a “Thank You” you give him a quick peck, but he demands more, because you "wasted" so much of his time already.

(I'm sorry if these are out of the asking zone/criteria, I JSUT WNAT SOMEONE TO HEAR ME OUTT </3)

Omg this— Dottore would worry about no one but his Darling. He couldn't care less about somebody else's corpse on the side of the road but would freak out over a paper cut on you LOL. He just loves you a lot more than he's willing to admit. And I just love that he only accepts kisses in payment <3 And no worries, nonnie! I'm open to any Dottore brain rot you would like to share. Feel free to keep em' coming! Again, I couldn't help myself but to write this.

Today's task was supposed to be easy. All you had to do was to gather some materials Dottore had asked of you, piece of cake, right? That was until a bunch of treasure hoarders appeared out of no where and thought it would be a good idea to fight a random, innocent citizen. In this case, that was you.

You've had experience in combat and your skills weren't too shabby. Even so, you were outnumbered and barely made it out of there alive. They hit you hard and have possibly broken a bone or two in you.

You limped all the way back to Dottore's lab and pushed the doors open. Alerting him of your pressence.

"Welcome back, my dear. You took longer that I've expected. Is everything alright—" He stopped talking mid sentence when he noticed your bloody form. There was a huge slash on the side of your waist, red blotches scattered across your body. He could tell you were in a lot of pain judging by the way you were limping.

Without saying another word, he quickly went over to your and took the materials out of your hands and put them onto the nearest table. He wrapped an arm around you cautiously, careful to not touch any of your wounds and guided you to a chair.

"Sit here," he said, before going around his lab to gather a few medical supplies. As you watched him move from one spot to another, you were trying tosee if you could make out what he was feeling. But it was a lot harder with his mask on.

Was he worried? Scared? Nonchalant, even?

It didn't take too long for him to come back with what he needed to treat your wound. He grasped the helm of your shirt and gave it a little tug, letting you know he was going to lift it up.

He lifted it up to where your chest was and took a look at the slash on your waist. Thankful for how quiet the lab was, you were able to hear his breath hitched. He took his glove off and gave your wound a little touch. He didn't stay long, however, when you hissed.

He applied some alcohol onto a clean cloth.

"This is going to hurt a bit, but I will be quick."

Before your mind could process his words, the cloth was already on your skin. You held onto his shoulders for support as the burning sensation was too much to bear.

"I'm almost done. Just keep holding on to me."

A few minutes that felt like hours for you had finally passed and he was done with cleaning your wound after he deemed it as good enough. He put the cloth away and took the bandages and began to wrap them around your waist carefully.

"So, are you going to tell me what happened?"

"It's, um, treasure hoarders."

"Those pesky little—" He cut himself off by sighing.

"—why didn't you just, run away?"

You stayed quiet for a while before answering, "I wanted to get the materials you asked for..."

"You idiot, I couldn't care less about them if it means putting your life on the line." He continued, "Next time you're in any sort of danger, just run away as soon as you can, alright? They're just materials, I could always get them later..."

He was now done with covering up your wound.

"But you, dove. There's only one of you and I couldn't risk losing you."

You knew he was a master at concealing his feelings, but you could still hear the worry in his words.

"I'm sorry... I'll be more careful next time."

"You better."

You raised your hand up and took his mask off, smiling at the handsome face before you. You gave him a little peck on his cheek.

"Thank you."

He tsked, "If you're really sorry then... give me another one. You wasted my time, got blood on the floor and had me worried. It's only fair."

You giggled at how he was acting like a kid and gave him another peck. After all, he deserved it, did he not?

[graciehart]

the tortured poets department

i have thoughts!! surprising, right?? this is for anyone who cares to read them ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Before you read, note that this is going to be critical of things, so let me just start by saying I have loved and listened to Taylor since I was 8, so none of it is said lightly or without careful thought (in fact, this took me absurdly long to write). Most of the issues I have are very near to my heart, actually, so I've spent a lot of time thinking about it. If you don't want to read criticism, then just don't read more. DISCLAIMER that I did my best, but not even this fully captures the nuance I feel able my own opinions lol I recognize the other sides and points, I really do. I hold many conflicting opinions.

The short version is I will always love her music and her voice and she is capable of writing absolutely gorgeous lyrics (dare I say poetry?). I don't tend to think too much about the sound of it because if I like the sound, it's all I really care about—maybe it sounds the same as other stuff, but if I like that other stuff, I don't really care about whether she branches out or not. I think it's great and interesting when she (or anyone) does, but I also don't like change so it doesn't matter to me the way I know it matters to some people. That's just me!

What gets more complicated for me is the narrative, themes, and general trends that have been more prominent the last year or so, and that's what the rest of my thoughts are. It's me enjoying the music while also being acutely aware of all the grief tangled up in it because of how much less connected I feel in many ways.

Side note: this got soooo much longer than even I expected and it still just scratches the surface! so if you decide to read, 1. thank you, and 2. I'd love to keep talking to you. 🤍

———————————————————— 💭

I am an overthinker (shocking!) and will for sure be annoyed that I can't think of each and every thing I think about this album, but this is what comes to mind right now. Some things that have stood out to me more and more with each release:

a tendency to write self-aware lyrics that, in trying to be self-aware, betray somewhat of a lack of self-awareness

a frustration with never growing up that she expresses while also not realizing the way she is complicit in that and her own refusal to grow up

considering herself the victim, particularly after "overcoming" the accusations that she always plays the victim

venturing more boldly into the territory of serious mental illness/suicidal ideation/mental health treatment despite demonstrating a fair amount of ignorance regarding those things in the past

fame going to her head (in the sense of her becoming further and further out of touch) and the entitlement in a lot of the more immature attitudes that come across in these songs

self-awareness: for me, the first example that comes to mind is Anti-Hero: "it's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me." It's a claim at self-awareness because she's poking fun at the fact that she knows people always say "maybe she's the problem." The reason why it feels to me like it exposes a lack of self-awareness is because she explores it mostly as a criticism to overcome and not a valid point of self-reflection. @jakeperalta's tags on her post explain it better than I do. Yes, there's an issue when you reduce every feeling to "well maybe she's the problem," but part of growth is admitting that maybe you are part of the problem and coming to terms with the fact that there is often some inevitable truth to that statement—and being willing to work on it. This example is from Midnights, but I think it ties into the next point.

immaturity/never growing up: I actually think these first two sections are just two parts of one section, but it's easier to read this way anyway. There are lots of references to not growing up on this album, the first that come to mind being "So High School" and "teenage petulance." Maybe it's just me, but as a 34-year-old woman, I wouldn't want to be feeling "so high school." I mean, as a 25-year-old, when I talk about feeling like my high school self, it's usually because I'm recognizing how limited my judgment and self-awareness was in high school (despite all the therapy and my efforts to be self-aware in high school). And I am aware of my own bias here—I absolutely hate the football game days because I didn't even like watching people act like that in high school, but at least they were high schoolers—but I do think part of what we've seen is Travis allowing her to be more immature and take less responsibility because that's also where he is at. Obviously I don’t speak to it with any authority since I don't know what happened in the relationship, but based on her behaviors and what I know about Joe (which is VERY little), I kind of get the feeling that part of what she didn't like about being with Joe is that he pushed her to grow. "Your integrity makes me seem small," etc. etc., but not in an “I want to grow” way, but not liking that feeling because she shouldn't have to feel small just because she wants to be able to only do what makes her happy. Just looking at the difference in her behavior and the fact that it seems like she's stopped trying to learn (Miss Americana-ish), it seems like she very much resents the responsibility that comes with being such a famous person and mainly considers herself a victim of her fame.

victimhood: to an extent, yes, she is a victim of her fame. No one should have that much fame and power, and of course she didn't sign up for it in this way. But wanting to have the kind of influence and reach that most artists desire is intertwined with fame. There isn't a way to separate it (in an ideal world, maybe, but that isn't what we're dealing with) and it's something that, to some degree, artists do sign up for. And I think she resents that she's expected to take any sort of responsibility for anything that she doesn't want to do, in a very, "but that's not fair!," teenage petulance kind of way. She even says in Sweet Nothing that "I'm just too soft for all of it." We're all too soft for all of it, but that doesn't mean we get to ignore it. It bothers me that she doesn't seem to feel any sort of responsibility to use this giant platform to do better. Everyone is aware of her influence, including her. I think that's part of the grief. No, it is not her job to use her platform for good, but I thought that it was something she valued and something she wanted. The other line that really stuck out to me was from Cassandra: "They say what doesn't kill you makes you aware, what happens if it becomes who you are?" You may be a victim of what doesn't kill you, but if it becomes who you are, that's not their fault. It reminds me a bit of the exhaustion of living with mental illness. For me in particular, it affects my relationships in a very fundamental way, and there are days that I sob because I am exhausted of things that are so normal being so, so difficult for me... but even though I didn't ask for it and it's not fair that this happened to me, it's still my responsibility to understand how my issues affect how I show up in relationships. It's still my problem, even though it isn't my fault that it's my problem. And if you're lucky, you find really beautiful people who are willing to help you and see that it's not their responsibility, but they want to make it easier for you—I recognize how lucky I am to have some people like that, but it never makes it anyone else's problem. If they decide one day it's not their problem, the truth is that it isn't (and then there's a more complex conversation about what you want to do to preserve a relationship). This is also very connected to something about Kate Beckett/why I identify with that character, and I can touch on that if anyone wants to know, but I don't really have cohesive thoughts about that prepared (it makes more sense if you already know the character). This also goes to other things, like her being upset that people always focus on who songs are about while ignoring the part she played in feeding that culture (like with secret messages).

mental health: this goes to a bigger discussion of how we turn to celebrities who are HIGHLY unqualified to have opinions on things for guidance (the nuance of the above discussion about using your platform), but the more she ventures into the discussion of mental illness, the more upset I get by some remarks she has made in the past. And yes, people grow, she may not feel this way anymore, but nothing in her behavior gives me any reason to believe that she doesn't still have this attitude. This is one that I know I have to be careful of because of how personal it is for me (I've been placed on a 5150 "danger to self" hold and I am a therapist), but one interview that has always made me so upset is that one where she talks about how she's never been to therapy, then ends it by saying "I feel like we just had a therapy session." She has said multiple times how she has never wanted to go to therapy when she has her mom, who already knows everything about her. And that is highly irritating to me because 1. that's why she's your MOM, not your THERAPIST, and 2. there's already so much stigma and apprehension around therapy and many people feel this way, so to have someone like Taylor Swift validate all the people who say "I'd rather talk to someone who already knows me" or "so and so is my therapist" is unbelievably frustrating. There's a reason it's unethical to treat people you know—that isn't therapy. And I think I wouldn't be so bothered by it if she didn't speak about it with such authority, like she knows what she's talking about when what she's saying shows that she doesn't (edit: this is specifically in regard to therapy, not mental illness. I am highly aware that anyone can be mentally ill). The other thing about this album is that it does seem to be an album about loving people with mental illness, and I've already seen a lot of interpretations that simply feed the narrative that people with mental illness are unlovable and mental illness is the reason people mistreat you (particularly the discussion about her lovers being blue all the time). And the issue with that is it's already a common misconception among people with mental illness, that their mental illness is an excuse or reason why they don't treat people right. It's disrespectful to the people who recognize that they have a mental illness that affects how they interact with others and choose to try to overcome it. I'm all for honest discussions about mental illness, but it's so disheartening when it happens on such a large scale and some of the loudest voices are people who don't know enough to know how to (at least try to) do no harm.

fame: I'm not really going to go into it because this has already turned out way longer than I meant for it to, but also because I feel like it's already been touched on. For me, it's the conversation about her feeling she should be able to just do what she wants. I think we all feel that way, but because of her fame and the fact that she's just about untouchable (as shown in how she came back from being cancelled), she can just tune everyone out. But one example was how uneasy I felt about this album being announced at the grammys. For one thing, it's not a fan-voted award, so even if it should, it doesn't feel the same. And regardless of your take on award shows, I do think it showed a level of insensitivity to the other artists who haven't won a bunch of grammys to decide that she would announce a new album at the grammys. Because even if she had a backup plan and said she didn't plan on it, the truth is that, to decide to have a backup plan, you did have to count on it happening, at least to an extent. You had to feel it was likely enough that you wanted to have a back up plan just in case, but it probably would go the way you wanted. To me, it just felt so... disrespectful. Because for many other artists, it doesn't happen more than once. (not to mention the many other things happening that got completely overshadowed, like Annie Lennox calling for a ceasefire)

So if you read all that... I don't even know what the point is at this point. These are just thoughts that, to me, don't feel right to simply ignore. I know there's an argument that you can enjoy music without enjoying where it came from, and it's true to an extent, but I also think part of the music is where it comes from. So... I don't know. Do with that what you will. And if you are reading this, I love you (I can't believe you're reading this).

[cant-get-enough-btr-forever]

Big Time Games: "Recycle Rush."

In my last post, I said I would give y'all a play-by-play of Big Time Rush online games. So, that's exactly what I'm doing.

Unfortunately, I can't upload more than 30 images per post. So, I'm only including Recycle Rush in this one. Don't worry—"Stage Rush" will come next.

Enjoy!

The rules are simple: Hit the spacebar to drop the trash on the boy below you (he catches it). The trash eventually gets dropped into a dumpster.

Also, lol—cows give you bonus points. "Green Time Rush" approves.

This is how my very first game went:

Side note: Notice how the Palmwoods only has two floors. The levels literally stack up as the game goes on. Interesting.

Let's try this again!

Carlos drops it on James...

...James drops it in the dumpster...

And, uh, yeah. That's it. That's the whole game.

Level 2: I noticed that these yellow exclamation points pop up over their heads. They let you know when the boys are about to turn around. Good to know! I just wish someone had told me...

Suddenly, a wild Kendall appears.

To accommodate this new arrival, the Palmwoods morphs into a 3-story building. See what I mean?

Kendall valiantly carries out his duty.

Level 3: There is now a 2-liter bottle magically floating in the hallway.

So this is how you get bonus points—you need to drop the trash on the bottle and the guy simultaneously. It isn't always a bottle; sometimes it's a banana peel or a soda can. Clearly, you need a bit of timing (and patience) for this.

But since I'm an expert, I pulled it off. On the second try.

Ah, Logan. 'Bout time you showed up.

Side note: The elevators' positions don't make sense. Why are they so far apart from each other?

Crap. I dropped trash all over the lobby. Bitters is not gonna like this.

Logan's exclamation point works well here—it's like he's saying, "What the—dude, seriously?! I'm over here!"

Anyhoo, I was able to restart Level 3…

…only to fail once more.

This is not good for my ego.

'Tis but a scratch. I brushed myself off and labored on.

Level 4:

Listen, I really wanted to know what would happen if I dropped the trash on the Cow.

Don't make the mistakes that I made, friends. You must always ensure that the boy is under the trash, too.

Still, it was hilarious to watch the Cow plummet whilst enveloped in a trash bag.

I corrected my actions, and was rewarded with the sight of Logan carrying the whole frickin' frackin' Cow on his back.

Ahem. Anyway.

Does this mean that they're going to recycle a...a cow??

Whew. The Cow jumped out. By the way, in this level, the dumpster moves from side to side. Is the Palmwoods haunted again, or...?

Level 5: The guys are now speed-walking. Thanks, boys. Make my job harder for me.

Also, here's something bizarre: Carlos starts out on the top floor, while James is directly below him.

Moments later, Carlos is several floors below, and James is in the lobby.

Well, they ain't called Big Time RUSH for nothing!

Level 7 (Level 6 is identical to Level 5): Okay, everything is going about the sa—

Wait.

Oh, dear God.

There are two Jameses.

Who recycles more garbage than YOU?

I love this game, guys.

From here onwards, the difficulty doesn't change much. So, I simply got my score to 10,000 before stopping. Which took a lot longer than I'm willing to admit.

Final Thoughts: This is quite fun. More fun than I thought it would be, which is always nice. I give it an 8/10.

If anyone wants to give it a whirl, here it is. Be sure to use a computer, and not a mobile device.

Happy playing! 😁

[20001541]

🙌 isekaied into captain hero afo au!!! Please share some ideas if you want!

yes, I have some! gonna be messy as I'm still thinking through a lot of things but here we go.

for people who don't know the premise of this au is that after afo dies in canon he gets isekaied into the captain hero comic universe and wakes up as captain hero. he's forced to be a good hero and he's unable to do any evil deeds. even if he tries they somehow always turn out to be good in the end.

anyways I like to this au as it's afo at his most miserable. his attitude is mainly like why couldn't whatever power out there that forced him here just have let him just die? why force him through this humiliating tirade? theres praise from civilians which he finds sorta nice, but then he's reminded of how captain hero will suffer a humiliating defeat by the demon king and all the pain and strife he has to go through until he defeats him once and for all. pain and strife that afo will be forced to go through and he's going to have to defeat the guy he's admired and wanted to be like since he was a kid. he thinks he should've been made the demon king in this world, he's so upset about this more than anything he's forced to fight the demon king not to take his spot but only to stop him from doing more evil. the demon king would be so confused as to why the hero is always complimenting his work lol.

but I think it would be an interesting way to explore the man beneath the villain persona. we all know afo has made his whole identity about being villain, to the point where he only goes by afo and nothing else. so you put him in a situation where he no longer has his power, total control and in the body of a character he hates. well it'll be interesting to see afo's true colours shine through as the mask he's so carefully crafted throughout the years begins cracking more and he is at his most vulnerable. 

and as I said yes yoichi also got isekaied as well, he actually got isekaied into the body of an upcoming journalist thats chases after captain hero and tries getting pictures of him and talk with him. yoichi enjoys the quiet life and freedom he has. he only got to enjoy one month away from afo before dying so he's enjoying his freedom. so you can imagine how he feels when he sees afo once again only in captain heroes hero suit. at first he laughs right in his face then tries to get away because that's the last person he wants to see right now. afo is so so so happy, happier than he's ever been and he kind of forces him into a hug. he can suffer anything as long as yoichi is there by his side. he's basically like even if I wanted to kidnap you and force you to stay by my side (I do), I can't because the rules of this universe won't allow me to so you're safe :). yoichi isn't amused, but after some arguing he decides he'll keep in contact with afo and even help him with some hero stuff.

afo and yoichi get to talk with each other without having to fight each other and it's awkward. they choose to avoid the topic of the past when trying to spend time together however it's hard to ignore the elephant in the room. eventually though they begin having some normal conversations and get to know each other better. it feels oddly domestic and strange, but it's nice in a way and it also makes afo slowly realize how much happier yoichi looks and how yoichi was more willing to open up to him when afo isn't forcing his presence and beliefs on him. he won't admit it, but it hurts to see how much better yoichi seems without him.

there is a catch to all this however, yoichi actually took the place of a character that dies during some point in the story. yoichi knows this detail because he read past the first three volumes, but afo doesn't know because he stopped reading after volume 3. yoichi doesn't tell him about this until later on which almost causes afo to have a meltdown at the thought of losing yoichi all over again. most of the conflict lies here, will they even be able to save yoichi or will he just die a terrible death once more? is afo forever going to be forced into the role of the hero or can he get out of it? putting afo into situations he feels completely helpless in and has to cooperate with yoichi, good stuff to me. can't rely on your previous methods of getting out of trouble so what will you do now that almost everything has been taken away from you? that's all I really got lol.

[toxintouch]

so I found your post about what if the cult that raised Unnamed MC was one of Vere's old cults and I just had a few thoughts. a Deicide Vere flavored thoughts.

(also I apologize in advance because this was a lot longer than I planned on it being lmao)

what if MC was meant to eventually be sacrificed? like, in an attempt to bring Vere back or something along those lines. and the MC knew they were going to be sacrificed; it probably played a decent factor in why they ran.

so how would MC react to finding out that Vere was the very deity that they grew up worshipping, had grown up knowing that they would eventually be sacrificed to him in a vain attempt to bring him back?

maybe the Devout Follower part of them hadn't been snuffed out by the time they met Vere. maybe all the old habits they tried to leave behind started to come back after being face-to-face with their god. maybe, in a scenario where something, or someone, would have to be sacrificed in order to remove the collar, they would decide to be almost exactly what the cult raised them to be: a sacrifice, but to free him instead of bringing him back?

or, alternatively, the Devout Follower part of them had been completely snuffed out by the time they met Vere. how would they react to finding out that, after all that running, they somehow managed to end up within arms reach of the very thing they had been running from? what if they choose to run again because of it, just up and leaving Eridia, leaving Vere still chained to the Senobium?

and of course: how would Vere react? MC being an ex-follower of his is one thing, but them being an ex-follower and an eventual sacrifice? someone who once fervently worshipped him and was, at least at some point in their life, fully willing to lay down their life for him with no guarantee it would even lead to anything?

(or how would he react to the "MC just fucking leaves" scenario specifically? sure, Normal/Canon Vere would be going through it, especially if him and MC were close, but Deicide Vere? yeah I think that would be his breaking point)

I don't mind the length at all!! I'm the last person who would ever complain, many ppl will attest to my long DMs, etc. In fact, thank you for taking the time to write out your ask and tysm taking an interest in my beloved Deicide Flavored Vere! ˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗ Sorry it took all day to respond, I wanted to be able to set aside proper time to read your message and consider! :3 You're picking up what I was thinking abt for sure with your sacrifice train of thought! Though I'll admit I was thinking more of MC being a less literal sacrifice - chosen as the conduit or the one who is supposed to find Vere and bring him back to his people now that he has disappeared.

Oh, but the literal sacrifice angle is juicy. And less convoluted/more clear than how I was trying to make the pieces fit, when I made that post? I let myself get stuck on the thought that I wanted MC to feel...fashioned for Vere, but I was thinking, perhaps, too logically & not cult-y enough, lol.

✦ Perhaps MC thought - when they were a child? - that they would be alive to meet Vere when he came back, but once they became older they realized that: no, they were to be a sacrifice to bring him back. They had to be ready to die for him. And they are only acting as Oracle in stead of their deity until they become strong enough to divine his return, which they (via the cult's teachings) believe will require them to sacrifice themself to him, to die...

But once they realize that their curse is a curse and not a god-given ability that's been granted to them... What else isn't true?

✦ Or perhaps they realize that to be a sacrifice is to die for their god at the same time they realize the truth about their hands, like you suggested, and they knew that they had to flee for the sake of their life and for the sake of finding freedom. They finally saw the gilded cage they had been kept in.

I definitely want to further explore the branching thoughts & paths of Sacrifice!Unnamed grappling with their Devotion vs Apostasy, but I don't want to keep you waiting too long for an answer so I will just resolve to make relevant posts as I consider more/write more! Until then:

✦ I think, even if they want to say that they have left all of their devotion to their god behind...old habits die hard. Things slip through the cracks. No matter how tightly you think you've closed the door, a sliver of a shadow can still find its way into the room where you thought you were safe and alone.

✦ In this MC's mind, they have always been Vere's.

✦ And Vere... [incoming POV shift to match the original Deicide fic]

His own autonomy is important to him, yes, but he's a hypocrite at heart. He's a glutton. He craves power. And he craves you.

He didn't put the collar on his own neck.

But you did.

You belong to him; you were made for him.

You devoted yourself to him, chained yourself willingly and he's not about to allow you to take all the oaths and prayers and the sweet, secret whispers you've given to him back.

(Oh, but he’d have been a kind god to you. Eventually. In that other time, that fictional reality where life is fair. You can earn his kindness, but never his mercy. It isn't in him to be merciful.)

You can't take your devotion back. He has a taste for it now. The only way he's letting it die is if he devours it whole.

And how had he not recognized the taste of himself already on you? How had he failed to notice, so distracted by your enticing promise, that he'd already laid claim? He's been woven into your life from the very start. He didn't even have to go to your town to demand you. You came to him.

(He'll reward them, still, the dregs of his followers – a quick death when he kills them for leaving their hand prints all over what they knew was his, for the suffering they inflicted on you that was his to mete out – suffering that was his to bless you will, as punishment or otherwise.)

And the depth of your devotion? That presses into him, something tender and cutting, unfamiliar or at least long forgotten. He'll reward you once he's satisfied with your repentance. Once you've renewed your faith in all the ways he sees fit.

(How shall be react to your willingness to die for him? It's been so long since he's had something to lose...)

✦ Deicide!Vere is such a mess of feelings. I think he would have a lot of trouble deciding what to do about Sacrifice!MC being willing (currently or previously) to die for him.

✦ The complexity of the matter is that: Were it anyone else, he wouldn't hesitate. He'd be pleased to throw them into harm's way if it meant being free. But Deicide!Vere has been lonely, searching for something - someone - like him for so long. I think he sees the potential of Sacrifice!MC as the one person outside of himself that he could really treasure. (AKA love) They're the "thing" he wanted most, before he lost his freedom. Being confronted with a situation where he may have to sacrifice one of his greatest desires for the other? Even he's not sure what he would do, if the situation arose as such. So he pushes that thought and that feeling away. My vision of Vere is that, though he is somewhat scheming, he is also impulsive and driven by hedonism. For regular Vere, I'm sure he pushes it away until it has to be an impulse decision. For Deicide Vere? This is the shittiest, no-win scenario. Low luck stat really comin' thru.

✦ Re: MC just fucking leaves scenario: I think you're right that something about that breaks him. The rejection. The idea that they've found him unworthy, not the other way around. But most of all: the abandonment. That they would leave him to suffer, presumably forever.

He's their god, yet it's them who's sentenced him to hell.

✦ Another thought I often consider: MC succeeds in removing his collar and even manages to survive doing it. But they don't chose to stay with him. He's been mistrusting of them, too cold and harsh and unwilling to see them as an equal (or at least: unwilling to admit that he does). And so, they lay the collar at his feet and leave. One last supplication, the final prayer from their lips being: "Goodbye, Vere." And the door is firmly shut, this time. He's free but he's back where he started. Searching. Alone. (He knows they're out there somewhere, but they've surpassed him in order to free him. If he hides in the shadow, they hide - they live in the places that match their golden veins, and he can't find them there.)

✦ He thought he could find them anywhere. But he's lost their scent....

I know my reply was a little bit messy, but hopefully I've answered in a way that was fun to read! and maybe even scratched some of the Deicide!Vere itch for anyone who, like me, is constantly infected. Ty again for joining me in my little brainrot corner!

p.s. lmk if i didn't answer/can answer anything more specific that u were hoping for an answer to, it's been kinda a week for my brain!

[tarot-by-e11e]

Hi! First of all, I would like to thank you for answering my question. You were on point with the issues you mentioned since these are issues I'm aware I still have and am continuing working on.

Also, Stevie Wonder is a classic and you can never go wrong with his songs. I really love this song to the point that when I first heard it, a sort of vision popped up in my mind. Lol. Idk if that's weird or anything but that's how I felt when I first heard my fave song from him.

As for the things I have to work on, a little backstory, I actually removed lots of people from my life when I started actually seeing that I deserve more than what I've been receiving. Had my spiritual awakening last 2022, strengthened my knowledge in 2023, and finally acted upon things that no longer reasonate with me late 2023 to present. I believe I've changed parts of myself for the better and even with the things mentioned, I have started my work on them. However, I guess since I was in a lack and self-depreciating mindset for so long, it's not something that would leave easily. Say, for example, patience towards myself, I believe there has been some improvement on this part of my life but I still strugfle with my perfectionist tendencies which make me frustrated sometimes.

Also, I just know spending habits would be here. Haha! I don't order/buy a lot online, however I like spending time in cafes and that's something I know I have to be more thrifty of.

For the third and last part, I think I understand the depth of these comments. I believe I can already defemd myself from people who don't know me personally and not feel like they're better than me. However, with certain family members, I do admit there are still times I relapse regarding boundaries and people-pleasing.

Well, life is a continuous learning process and I'm willing to change myself for the better. So, thank you for these again!

Hi dear,

I'm really grateful you took the time to be thorough with your feedback.

So for starters, congratulations and welcome to your spiritual journey! It's not all rainbows and butterflies but it is definitely worth it. Please please please, multiplied to infinity, be gentle with yourself!

What you've been doing and what you've gone through is something only you can survive and learn and grow from. Don't invalidate your progress just because someone you know has gone through worse. It's not fair to you and your hard work and yehey!!! for cutting toxic people out of your life, well majority, right(?)

I was honestly shocked with the Add to Cart is not therapy part! Like gurrrrllll, OMG same!!! It's more of, instead of cutting it out completely, you should put your money on your necessities and bills first before the cafes~

Lastly, I've read somewhere that a person's biggest bullies(whether secretly or obviously) are blood relatives. (also agreeing, based on experience huhuhhuhuhu)

So yesssss on your perspective about learning process~

Take the necessary steps towards your journey in a sustainable(with your energy) manner.

Again, thank you so much for you feedback!

[thoughtsofadad-blog]

I want to be better.

WORK Ever had a feeling that you hit a dead end? Like you had a simple routine, but it's no longer effective? And that it brings more bad than good? Yeah, I'm right there. As mentioned, I work 5 days a week in the office and my offs fall on the weekend. Great right? Kinda ideal. When I first started here, it was all good. I've had fun and learned a lot of things. Had a blast with the year end party and Christmas party. We eat in the office when we have a celebrant and whatnot. But recently, things have been kinda stale. Like everything's turning to black and white. The worse part is, I'm not the only one who feels this way. Apparently, people in my team also feels the same. What's worse than that? There's no solution to it. I can't help but feel as if I'm the burden by summing up all of my mistakes. Heck, I don't even feel worthy to take a 15 minute break or ask for a leave. I don't know. It's been really draining these past few months. I've always hated this feeling and hoped that I wouldn't go through it again, but I've been dragging myself lately. And I know that it's one of the signs that a person is no longer happy, no.. willing to do whatever it is needed to be done. I want to feel the excitement I had before. But how can I if I'm being micro-managed? They tell you one thing and it becomes a different thing quickly. A backhanded compliment. Favoritism. Being frustrated with you not knowing a certain process they didn't even teach. No proper training. I used to think that the people are worth the stay, but apparently that reason's starting to deflate.

(I wish I finished school instead.) Meh, hopefully one day we'll all find our spark again.

-- FAMILY Coming home to them brings me comfort. Sometimes I come home to my boy sleeping on the sofa and my wife working. A quiet afternoon. Relaxing. OR I'd come home and see my boy riding his bike in the yard, yelling "Daddy!" as I walk to the gate. I feel that the stress I have from work drops. And I squeeze out the remaining energy I have to play with him. I love weekends. I get to spend the whole day with them. May it be just at home, relaxing or out at the mall. Sometimes we'd attend a birthday party. Literally takes off the stress you had for the week before. Recently, I feel like I've lost my touch. Or is it just that they're growing up? LOL. He has his own feelings now. He knows what he wants and what he doesn't. That's great and all, until my wife told me something. Apparently, they went to the mall on a weekday (I was in the office), and Rex wanted this piece of gummy something from the candy shop. She said "No", because she didn't have extra cash on her and Rex took the candy and ran off. Kinda alarming, right? (Bet it is). She ran after him and took the candy back to the store. So fast forward to yesterday, we went to the mall since it's a weekend. To be honest, I never had a problem walking into a toy store with him. He never splat himself to the ground just because I couldn't buy something he wanted. He never cried, never yelled, never had a tantrum because we couldn't buy what he wanted. But yesterday, he was trying to get a chocolate egg with a toy inside (You know those little KinderJoy surprise eggs? Those ones.), and I said we couldn't because we haven't eaten dinner yet. I was holding the one he was holding and then he let go. I thought, alright, he understood. But, Alas.. his hands were fast to grab the egg next to what I was holding and ran off. So I ran after him and caught him. I'll admit. It wasn't cute. I was actually angry at what he did and I think he felt that. We walked for a little while and his mom was looking at clothes. I took this opportunity to talk to him. With all my might not to raise my voice, I told him that it wasn't right. It's bad. And that's how a person would end up in jail. (Come on, it is, right???) He looked up to me with the most sorry eyes I saw in my life with a bit of tears on the side and he said "Sorry" and hugged me. I think to myself, "If I didn't need to go to the office everyday, this wouldn't have happened". I don't blame my wife, because she already has a lot on her plate. She works from home, takes care of Rex, fixes his school bag, school lunch. Sometimes she does the laundry while working. She even cooks for their lunch. So, yeah. She has a lot already. I blame myself. I haven't been there for either of them. He had trouble breathing recently. We thought it could be Asthma, since I had that, too when I was a kid. He would breathe in deep and exhale, like a very deep sigh. But according to the doctor, it's actually psychological. The simplest example the doctor gave is that when we (adults) think about something that bothers us, or remember something really sad or when we were afraid, we tend to do the same thing. In this case, it's the same with children.

I feel sad. I should've done better. I should've been there.

I should've had more patience. I want to be better. Not just for me. But for my family. Because they deserve the best and I want to give them the best. I want them to be happy. We don't come from a wealthy family. There's a life I want them to have. But how can I, if I'm not even at my best self? Honestly, I don't know where to go from here. I'm just going with the flow. Until next time.

[phoebe-delia]

Taylor Swift Albums as John Mulaney Quotes

Because I'm bored and I wanna lol

Debut: "Hey, you could pour soup in my lap and I'd probably apologize to you.”

Fearless: "When I walk down the street, I need everybody, all day long, to like me so much. It’s exhausting.”

Speak Now: "You have a movie theater in your brain that plays fake arguments that you win!"

Red: "I used to watch America's Most Wanted...and I'd always think to myself, 'How could a person kill someone? How could a human being kill another human being?' And then I got cheated on and I was like 'Oh, okay...'"

1989: "Do my friends hate me? Or do I just need to go to sleep?"

reputation: "You know how I'm filled with rage? I'm so horny and angry all the time and I have no outlet for it, so..."

Lover: "I never knew relationships were supposed to make you feel better about yourself."

folklore: "I have a lot of stories about being a kid because it was the last time I was interesting."

evermore: "I wanna write songs for people in their 30's called 'Tonight's No Good How About Wednesday?'"

[thelaurenshippen]

First off, I wanted to say that I absolutely adored Some Faraway Place! As a dummy who took longer than I'm willing to admit realizing neonthorne was Damien, are there any other familiar faces in the unusuals subreddit (or I suppose subreadit lol)? I was able to pick out who I assume is Frankie, but wasn't sure if we were familiar with any others (especially when lokilover apparently got kicked)

You're not a dummy at all!!!! First off, I'm so glad you loved SFP :)

As you deduced, theneonthorn in Damien, franklinsteinsmonster is Frankie, and....tacotacotaco is Mags. That one isn’t very obvious though, because there’s not a whole lot to connect the two. I have ideas about what kinds of people the other sub users are, but none of them are from the wider universe that we know!

[aerynwrites]

Hey 👋

Welcome back, I'm glad the little step away was good for you 😊💛

I was wondering if I could request the first time reader buys Captain Rex a gift or has a little surprise day planned for him and he gets a bit emotional because hes not use to being treated well 😭

Thank you 💛

ahhhh okay! So I kind of just took this and...ran with it lol. I hope this is kind of what you wanted!

Surprise!

Captain Rex x Reader

Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings: none - unbeta’d

»»————-　♡　————-««

Being in a long term relationship with a clone was not something you had ever seen in your cards as a Jedi Commander for the 501st. Especially when the clone in question was Captain of said battalion. However, you wouldn’t change it for anything in the galaxy, especially since you have Anakin and Ahsoka by your side to help you and Rex fly under the radar of the Council. Anakin was in a relationship after all, so he understood what it was like.

Today, you have taken one of the rare days off you and your boys get to throw together the surprise you have had in mind for Rex for the past few weeks. None of the clones have real birthdays, but you wanted to celebrate him and managed to get him to pick a random date for his birthday. You smiled fondly at the memory as you sat a plate of cookies on the table.

“None of the clones have birthdays, cyare, you know that. We weren’t born, we were created.” The last words leave his lips with a hint of venom to them, and you can’t help your lips from tugging downward into a slight frown.

“I know that, Rex,” you say softly, adjusting from where you lay on his chest so you can look up at him slightly, “Humor me,” you tease, giving him a small smile, “Since you don’t have an actual date, just pick one!”

Rex gives you a sideways look before finally letting out a sigh at the puppy dog eyes you send him. He is never able to say no to you. After thinking for a moment, he finally settles on a date - the date he became a Captain is the one he chose. 

“See now was that so hard?” you chastise lightly before leaning up and pressing a quick kiss to his lips before settling back down into bed, his arms still wrapped securely around you.

After that, the conversation had never come up again, and Rex had assumed you forgot about the silly birthday date you made him pick out. However, you were just determined to surprise him. You recruited Anakin and Ahsoka to keep Rex busy while you prepared your private quarters for the surprise, and while Rex was none the wiser as to why he was being sent on a wild bantha chase around the base - he felt a sense of relief wash over him when he was finally released from their plot. He has already taken his helmet off as he approaches your shared quarters, eyes tired yet shoulders relaxed at the thought of spending the rest of the day with you. He was planning to just relax with you, relish in the rare day off you both have received and maybe watch one of those cheesy holofilms you loved so much. 

However, when he finally arrives at the room and the door swishes open, his eyes widen in surprise at the sight that greets him. The space is brightly lit with soft music playing in the background and a small handmade sign attached to the wall opposite the door reads: Happy Birthday Rex!  In neat handwriting. His eyes fall from the sign to take in the spread of food and deserts on the table near the kitchen, more than either of you could eat in days. He slowly sets his helmet down on the ground by the door before approaching the table. There’s a cake in the center that reads the same as the sign when he walked in, but the letters are iced delicately over the white base layer in 501st blue. 

Rex feels his chest constrict, an overwhelming sense of gratitude paired with a slight sense of confusion distract him from your entrance into the room. He ‘s only pulled from his observations when he hears a small gasp from behind him.

“Rex, you’re back!” you say happily, rushing over and wrapping your arms around him as he turns to face you. You couldn’t care less that he was still in his armor, you were just happy he was here. “You got here faster than I was anticipating! I was going to have the candles on the cake lit and everything for when you got back.”

He watches as you pull yourself from his embrace and flit around the room, grabbing a lighter and lighting the candles all while babbling away about the food you cooked and the plans you’ve made and how it took you weeks to find the special jam to put between the layers of cake. You were so consumed in your explanations, that you didn’t even notice when Rex’s eyes fell to the four neatly wrapped parcels on the end of the table. All of them had his name on them followed by the person who they were from - at least that’s what Rex assumed. 

He pulls his gloves from his hands before running his fingers gently over the colorful paper, looking up at you in confusion as he interrupts your speech. “What are these?”

Your brow furrows in confusion before realization dawns on you. Rex had never had a birthday gift before. Let alone a party all for himself. You give him a gentle smile and walk over to be at his side as you speak. “They’re presents, for your birthday,” you explain, “Anakin and Ahsoka each got you one when they heard what I was planning,” you chuckled a little, “Anakin won’t admit it, but he spent a lot of time picking out his gift. And then,” you reach out and grab the smaller box, “This is from the boys - your brothers - they all pitched in when they heard about it too.”

Rex could already feel the unfamiliar burn at the back of his eyes, but he tried to reign in his emotions as he pointed to the last one. “What-” he has to clear his throat, “What about that one?”

You grab the box from the table and turn to him, smiling the biggest smile as you hold it out for him to take. “This one’s from me! I couldn’t very well throw you a birthday bash and not get you a present now could I?”

At this revelation, Rex can no longer hold the tears back as he takes the small gift from your hands. He sees your eyes widen at his reaction and a slight panic overtakes your features.

“Oh no,” you mumble, reaching out to place your hands over his own, “Rex what’s wrong?”

He shakes his head, wiping the stray tears away before taking a deep breath, “Nothing’s wrong, cyare,” he assures you, looking around the room at all you did for him before looking back to you with a smile on his face, “I’ve just…” he trails off for a moment before continuing, “I’ve never gotten a present before. Let alone a whole celebration dedicated to me being here.”

Your heart breaks slightly at his words, despite knowing the truth behind them. Clones aren’t seen as much more than machines of war to most people - expendable and replaceable things for the war. But Rex is so much more to you, and you were determined to show him that. You smile at him and set the gift in his hands aside, as you steer him over towards the cake.

“Well,” you begin, “As long as I’m still here I’m going to make every single day a celebration about you. Because you deserve to be celebrated.”

“Well I don’t know about that,” Rex tries to argue but you shake your head and point to the lit candles on the cake.

“Oh hush,” you gently scold, “Now, all you have to do for this birthday tradition is blow out the candles and make a wish.”

“A wish?” he asks, turning to look at you incredulously, “A wish for what?”

You shrug, “Anything you want.”

He turns to face the cake again, the candles casting a slight glow onto his golden skin and you can’t help but smile when he finally leans forward and blows the candles out. Once finished he pulls back and turns towards you, a smile on his face as he reaches out to take your hands in his.

“Did you make a wish?” you ask.

He shakes his head, “No.”

Your mouth falls open and you give out a disbelieving scoff, “Rex!” you whine, “That’s the whole point of blowing out the candles. Why didn’t you wish for anything?”

“Because everything I could wish for is standing right here in front of me.”

And before you can protest, he presses his lips to yours in a gentle kiss, suddenly very thankful for birthdays and very thankful for you.

»»————-　♡　————-«« 

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[oh-boy-me]

Alright I'm curious about your take on movie night with the undateables, including Luke since this is non- romance. Snack preferences, what movies they choose, funny stories from movie night. Whatever strikes your fancy with the idea is good with me. Thanks in advance!

Sorry it took a little bit (´ω｀。) It’s my first time working with these characters so I wanted to give it my absolute best

I’m setting this up as individual movie nights so that each character can get the spotlight for a while; I hope that’s ok!  Also, a lot of them somehow ended up in a context of it being the first time you’d hung out one on one lol

Simeon:

It feels like Simeon spends just about all of his time with Luke and Solomon, while you spend just about all of yours with the brothers.  So, you decide to have a movie night to finally spend some time together without having to divide your attention.  Purgatory Hall is the obvious choice of location, since its residents are much more ready to leave you alone when asked.

This angel is a traditional kind of guy, as angels tend to be, so popcorn is the only snack idea that comes to mind.  Traditional doesn’t mean close-minded, though, so he’s more than willing to try out any snacks you bring along.  Actually, he encourages you to bring a bunch of snacks to try out together!  You can have a taste test while you watch the movies!

Simeon likes Hallmark movie-type movies a lot, mainly because they demand little emotional investment.  Movies like horror don’t scare him, but they do stress him out because he wants all the protagonists to get their happy ending!  Another benefit of Hallmark movies is that it’s fun to try to guess exactly what will happen, since they can be so predictable.

Of course, he doesn’t want to monopolize your movie lineup, so if there’s something you want to see he’s all for it.  If you want to go for something more thrilling, he’ll power through it like a champ, but you can see him visibly cringing at some points.

Simeon is lowkey a movie cuddler, but like in a way that still respects your personal space bubble.  He won’t spend the film with you in his arms or anything, but the entire couch is fair game.

Simeon apparently likes to talk during movies–he doesn’t mean to, but the thoughts kind of just come out.  He’s brutally honest about what he’s thinking, so if you’re down with it, talking about and roasting the movie as it’s happening is a load of fun.  “I don’t know MC, I don’t think this guy’s all that great either?  Sure maybe he isn’t completely ignoring her, but look, he obviously has commitment issues; at least her ex was just busy all the time.  Look, Mr. Lone Wolf’s beard is uneven.  Why does she want a man who wants to look rugged but can’t get it right?”

Simeon also will accidentally spoil any movie he’s already seen like this, so you’re best off watching films that are new to both of you.

He knew that you were a nice and fun person, but honestly he’s kind of taken aback by how good you are to be around.  Since the only human he’s usually around is Solomon, talking to one and not feeling like you need to second-guess everything you’re told is a new and welcome feeling.

Before you split for the night, he asks if you’d like to do something like this again.  As an angel, there’s a lot that he hasn’t experienced–a lot of food, a lot of activities, a lot of media–and you’re someone that he feels like he would be comfortable trying new things with.  You can expect lots of texts like, “Hello!  I hope you’re doing wellヾ(＾-＾)ノ Are you free tomorrow?”

Luke:

You probably decide to have a movie night after Luke ends up spending way longer than he expected to in the kitchen at the House of Lamentation.  On the condition that absolutely no demons are to join you two!  Ok maybe Beel and Levi are ok but absolutely no one else!  After a call to Simeon explaining that he isn’t coming back to Purgatory Hall tonight you guys are good to go.

He always brings baked goods when he comes over, plus whatever he was working on in the kitchen, so you’re more than covered!  The majority of it is things like cookies and fudge bark.  They’re easy snacks to grab a handful of.

Luke tries to insist that he wants to watch a movie with lots of violence or a horror film, or any other kind of movie that teenagers sneak into.  He’s doing it because he’s so frustrated with everyone calling him a kid when he’s centuries older than a human will ever be, stop making fun of him!!  For his sake and yours, you should tell him that you don’t want to watch that sort of movie, because if you let him get away with it he’ll get too freaked out in the first 20 minutes.

Most likely you’ll end up having a Disney marathon.  They’re so fun, and since the Celestial Realm is pretty isolated when it comes to cultural exchange, he’s only seen a couple, so you can show him your favorites!  Also, he’s not crying.  No, you saw that wrong.

He starts off on the other side of the couch, one again trying to be mature and shit, but that won’t last long.  Anyone who sees you huddled together like that will be punched in the gut with the sheer level of sibling energy y’all are radiating.  Lucifer almost doesn’t want to mock him.  Almost.

That thing where immediately after consuming a piece of media, you imagine yourself as part of that universe?  Luke loves to talk about that sort of thing.  “If I lived there, I’d have given Gaston a piece of my mind!”  “Ok but if I was a piece of furniture what do you think I’d be?  I can totally see you being a…”

“I think you’d be the footstool that acts like a dog, Luke.”  “Hey, Lucifer, you weren’t invited to our party!!”

You might (will) have to fend off a few nosy demon brothers to protect your demon-free movie lair.  Luke swears that next time you have to come over to Purgatory Hall, but he’s having way more fun here than he’s willing to admit.

He also learns that most of the brothers will listen to you without complaint.  He will definitely keep this in mind.

This kid angel has so much energy, how is he still awake after five movies?  You absolutely have to establish a bedtime because he literally will not go to bed until you do.

Solomon:

It’s quite rare for you to have a break from the seven avatars of attention hogging, so if you’re going to have a movie night, Purgatory Hall may as well be a godsend.

You may want to be careful about getting there, because if Asmo catches wind that you and Solomon are having a movie night without him, he’s going to show up unannounced and then refuse to leave.  Solomon can come pick you up if you need.  Just, he’ll be waiting a block away so Asmo can’t catch up.

Solomon is a “dinner and a show” kinda guy.  He will offer to make dinner.  Do not let him do this.  Either make it yourself or order takeout.

You’ll pretty easily agree on alternating who chooses the movie.  You get the first, he gets the second, you get the third, etc.  Definitely isn’t letting you choose first to lure you into a false sense of security about the DVD in his hand, what made you think that?

Solomon is the kind of person to lie about what sort of movie he’s put in.  “Solomon what is this supposed to be?”  “Oh, don’t worry about it.”  It’s gonna be a weird movie.  You just have to wait and see.

He is going to rip into your movie choices.  He liked how they worked with this, and that was impressive, but these bits?  Did they think they could get away with that?  What was the budget?  Rest assured, though, he expects you to do the same for him.  In fact, he’ll be quite disappointed if you don’t.

He prefers a setup on his bed rather than on the couch.  He’s also one of the ones who keeps to himself in terms of personal space, although that’s not to say that he isn’t relaxed.  Some might say he’s too relaxed, but that’s just who he is: too relaxed in any situation.  On the surface, at least.

As the only humans in the Devildom, some of the night is probably spent reminiscing on how different things tend to be here.  Solomon does feel bad that you in particular have had to make so many changes to your life and habits with no warning.  He has his magic to rely on, so he’s glad you have your reputation of “the human that made a pact with the student council” to keep demons from messing with you.

If you want, he’s happy to let you sleep over so that you don’t have to explain why you’re coming home so late.  He also encourages you to not say anything to your dorm mates.  Wouldn’t it be fun to make them wonder?  They’re always breathing down your neck, aren’t they?  Make them squirm a little bit.  You’re going to get a scolding for sneaking out regardless.  It’s incredibly cruel; you know they worry sick about you more than is called for.  Will you play along?  That’s up to you.  I advise you not to.

Like Simeon felt like he needed to second-guess everything around a bunch of demons and Solomon, Solomon sometimes feels like he needs to keep himself guarded around a bunch of demons and two literal angels.  You, however, are a human.  You have common ground, and Solomon can see how your vulnerability here translates into strength.  He’s not quite ready to admit it but, your ability to survive on character and not power is inspiring to him.  Shortly before you go home/to sleep, he mentions something about himself, and for once it seems like he’s being honest.

Barbatos:

You have the movie night at the House of Lamentation, under Lucifer’s promise that he’d keep everyone else busy.  It’s Barbatos’ first day off in 325 years, and he doesn’t want to take any chances of Diavolo forgetting that fact and giving him an order.

It may come as a surprise, but Barbatos wants nothing more than to order a pizza.  If he managed to get enough time off to have a movie night with you, he doesn’t want to have to think about preparing food.  A single night where he can just hang out and eat less than perfectly prepared cuisine is exactly what he needs to unwind.

Out of habit, he insists that whatever you want to watch is fine.  If you remind him that this is just as much for him as it is for you, he’ll suggest you look up what new psychological thrillers are trending.  Whenever a scary scene is playing on the screen, there’s the tiniest smile gracing his face the whole time.  It’s a little disconcerting, but something tells you that you shouldn’t bring it up.

If you do bring it up against all better judgement, though, he’ll explain that the villain in the film is being so messy.  Given the circumstances, it’d be better for him to do this or that.

“Don’t ask how I know all of this.  I’m just saying, if you find yourself with a body to dispose of, alive or not, you know who to call.”

Time spent with an off-duty Barbatos grows more relaxed as the night progresses.  You split the sofa 50/50, and over time you can see his posture relax from stiff and straight to leaning against the arm with his feet up.

Oh, yes, he’s also brought along a nice bottle of wine to share.  He made sure to get something that should affect demons and humans equally, of course.  If he’s going to get inebriated, you’re going down with him.

Turns out, working for the Demon Prince for all eternity gives you a few grievances.  Also turns out that the Demon Prince’s butler becomes quite loose lipped and downright snarky when he’s had enough to drink.  “‘Which flavor do you think Lucifer would like best?’  I don’t know, My Lord, might I suggest you ask him yourself?  No, no, I hear you laughing, MC!  This happens every time!”

There’s still a movie playing, but why would you watch a movie when Diavolo’s butler is such a gossip?  You definitely know things you shouldn’t by the time the night is over, but you swear an oath of secrecy.  And, although he regrets how liberal he was with his stories the next day, it does feel nice to have some of that off his chest.

And, well, he’s already gone this far, so he hopes you aren’t too surprised when you receive a text from him a week later: “Ok SO.”

Diavolo:

You guys decide to do the movie night at the palace, mainly to avoid Lucifer.  Diavolo wants to get to know you better, and he knows that if Lucifer is around he’ll end up making you the third-wheel.

Barbatos is going to be around, so Diavolo leaves it up to you whether you want to make it a party of three.  (Barbatos is still in on-duty mode, of course, so his time here is much less relaxed than in his solo scenario.)

Diavolo’s read about movie nights in Youthful Fun 101, and he wants to try out the whole snack list.  Popcorn, pizza rolls, sodas, you name it, he’s got mountains of it.

If you suggest also making ice cream sundaes, he’ll be the happiest demon in the entire Devildom.  It seems that the esteemed Demon Prince really loves chocolate sauce.

Really really wants to watch your favorite movie.  What sort of Devildom host would he be if he didn’t get to understand the Human World from his guest’s perspective?  Whether it’s something like Gone with the Wind or something like Barbie in a Mermaid Tale 2, he’s enthralled.  So this is Human World cinema!  There’s something so imaginative about it, even in the driest moments!

After your favorite, he’s got a checklist of iconic movies to get under his belt.  Not all of them end up holding your attention, and you develop a voting system–after the first 15 minutes, you hold a vote on whether to keep the movie going or to move on.  Since there’s only two of you, only one of you needs to like the movie to keep it going, so you give yourselves one immediate veto each.

Diavolo uses his veto on the first movie he wasn’t super into, and you have to keep reminding him that there’s no secret second veto that he can use.  Cut him some slack, this level of democracy is unfamiliar to the future Demon King.  He does end up really liking some of the movies he tried to avoid, so he learns to chill pretty quickly.

Also insists on watching the movies in a massive blanket fort.  He’s not a movie cuddler, per se, but he is an emotional movie watcher, so you can expect him to grab your arm during an especially sweet or sad scene.

You’re going to have to clarify what’s realistic and what isn’t sometimes.  No, that’s not a real animal.  Yes, that event really happened.  That may or may not be true, we aren’t sure.  Diavolo please this is a conspiracy theory.

If you thought that this wouldn’t end up in a sleepover, I don’t know what to tell you.  Maybe you just tried to watch way too many movies and passed out in the fort.  Maybe you tried to call it quits and then he gave you big puppy dog eyes until you agreed to have a slumber party.

Side note, but Lucifer is still recovering from seeing Diavolo’s car appear unannounced at the House of Lamentation and then being told that it’s actually here to pick you up and that he absolutely can’t come along.  Has he been replaced?

Masterlist

[obsessivelollipoplalala]

thanks for sharing! i sort of had a similar experience in early 2021. i got curious after hearing backlash about the movie, came onto tumblr and it immediately launched me into jimercury blogs hehe. i saw essentially no mary apologists, i DID see one of the hater lady's accounts in someone's replies but it was clear to me after a few scrolls that the blog belonged to someone unhinged and irrational LMAO so i just ignored her. i was in no way a mary stan, but i was indeed very sympathetic with movie!mary. have to admit the movie worked on my smooth brain lmao, but it only really took maybe an hour of scrolling through the jimercury tag to get me hooked. also, i never really understood the appeal of the film over the actual band which i think is much more interesting. the band dynamics in the film was pretty much nonexistent. the thing that stood out was mary and freddie's story, but that turned out to be disappointing after reading up on the actual history sooo idk what there is to like personally 🤷‍♀ can you share some of the inactive blogs you enjoyed? i know some but i think there's a heap of content buried due to them no longer being reblogged. i would love to trudge through some old content no matter what they are!

No problem! Yeah there are very few outright Mary stans on tumblr now, though how much people are willing to correctly criticize her actions varies. The movie did purposefully make people's hearts weep for Poor Saint Mary, so I understand why you initially sympathized with her. I totally agree that the actual band and the real stories behind it are faaaar more interesting than the film. One of my biggest gripes with it is that it reduces an extraordinary band to a generic Hollywood band dynamic. They had such an interesting story with strong personalities, and yet the movie watered everyone down to tell the fake Freddie and Mary story. Ugh. But I digress.

This might sound cynical, but I honestly think some people just thought the actors were hot and that's why they were movie stans, but not band fans. They liked Queen's hit songs well enough to listen to them and see a movie about the band, but ultimately, what attracted them was, well, physical attraction lol. It's why you had fics specifying "Ben Hardy!Roger Taylor x Reader." As the actors moved on from the film, so did their fans. These folks only liked Queen casually, in my view, and that's why their blogs went abandoned or changed a lot in just a year.

Unfortunately, the blogs I saw when I first arrived here are almost all gone--I mean straight up deactivated and inaccessible. his-majesty-king-mercury had some really great posts, though I didn't read them all. Their blog is still there, but they're inactive now. I'd followed a blog called radio-freddie that's completely gone now, in addition to one called bishi or something similar? Someone in instagram had left a comment that bishi was a very knowledgeable blog, and Phoebe's real insta page actually liked the comment, so it was implied he read it! And yet the blog totally disappeared. The user said they were moving to insta, but they deleted that account after a couple posts, too. It's a shame, I have no idea what happened to them, and I wonder if anyone else around here remembers who I'm talking about?

[mbti-notes]

Would you mind explaining why you see Rey as ESFJ and Kylo Ren as INTP from the new Star Wars? I've always seen Rey as a stereotypical ISFP action hero (quick to adapt to new situations, hands on, a fierce sense of 'moral right' borne of self), and I'm undecided on Kylo, but thought he exhibited FP tendencies -- a struggle between self-identity and rationality, that indicates a F/T imbalance.

[con’t: In reading Leonore Thomson’s book on personalities, the Fi-dom section brought Kylo to mind – unless prone to developing Se/Ne, the IFP fiercely guards their sense of ‘identity’ / self against outside influences and becomes rigid. Isn’t that what he’s doing, in differentiating himself from his parents and refusing to see reality any other way than what he has decided it is, based on his feelings / experiences?]

Judging by the debates I saw online, there doesn’t seem to be any general consensus on either character, which is interesting. It’s a trilogy and the character development beats are scattered and difficult to piece together. And there were several blanks that I had to fill with my own speculation. I didn’t really enjoy the process of typing these characters, but I did it because I kept on receiving requests week after week ever since the first movie came out. I found the character development arcs shallow and poorly paced, and the resolutions were too pat to be very interesting. I reviewed the Kylo and Rey scenes several times, with different personality types in focus each time, in order to ensure that the function pieces fit together to my satisfaction.

      ***** Major spoilers ahead! ******

Kylo

Although I think there are weak points in her book, I don’t take issue with Thomson’s description of Fi doms. I mainly disagree with the motive that you ascribe to Kylo. I don’t think he’s being protective of his identity, I don’t think he cares about identity, in the way that Fi doms do. I will concede that he gives the impression of being a rebellious teenager in defying his parents/mentor/birthright, but defiance alone does not make him Fi dom. Pretty much everyone (even some animal species) goes through a stupid teenage phase of rebellion at some point in their life, and some people never properly get past it. To me, he looks like a stuck-in-adolescence INTP: entirely too full of himself and blind to everything else.

One little point made it difficult for me to settle on a type. Leia was absolutely convinced that Kylo was “manipulated” by Snoke/Palpatine to join the dark side, but there was little indication from Kylo, Luke, and Han that this was actually the case. Should we trust Leia, since the movie portrayed her as being much more powerful than meets the eye, or should we trust Kylo’s subjective experience of himself as being fully and completely the master of his own fate? I go for the latter. If anyone’s going to be prone to blind belief, it’s a mom who doesn’t want to admit that she’s lost her son to her enemies. And I see no compelling evidence that he is a person who’s easily manipulated, emotionally or otherwise, which is a big strike against F. If you see such evidence, please present it.

The most revealing aspect of Kylo’s development was found in the conflicting and exaggerated accounts about what happened with Luke that led to the destruction of the Jedi academy. If you grow up being fed a constant diet of legends about galactic warfare from the Alliance, you’re naturally going to think of the Jedi as the good guys and the Empire as the bad guys (as we, the audience, are supposed to). However, if you’re Ben Solo, you don’t experience the Jedi as good guys, at all. He was “abandoned” by parents who were too busy/neglectful/high-minded to properly care for him and he was “abandoned” by a supposedly saintly mentor/uncle who wanted to kill him (even if the urge was fleeting). Additionally, Jedi training is essentially martial arts training in that you’re not supposed to use it violently unless you absolutely have to, which leaves the Jedi looking like total wusses much of the time, politically, always leading from behind and allowing evil to get a foothold over and over again.

Therefore, my theory is that Kylo turned, completely willingly, because he saw nothing but pathetic posturing and hypocrisy around him. It was an extremely deep cynicism (the belief that “good”, “love”, “happiness”, or anything that makes humans noble, don’t really exist) that allowed him to fully embrace his own darkness to very powerful effect - no manipulation necessary. This wouldn’t work with Fi-Te but fits with Ti-Fe. I postulate that his conception of morality was extremely reductive and childish. Essentially, “good guys should be totally free of bad”, so any whiff of anyone feeling conflicted or making dumb choices and they no longer get the privilege of being labeled as a “good” person. Accordingly, any hint of conflict in himself cements the fact that he is bad, irredeemably bad, because he’s full of conflict. 

But I argue that the reason he’s full of conflict is not because he’s bad or a Feeler, it’s because the way he was being taught was not well-suited to his personality at all, in fact, it was quite damaging to him, which pushed him into skepticism and alienation. Here’s the blank I’m filling in: Luke is Fi dom. Fi and Ti do not communicate easily. Being forced or shamed into being good with no proper reasoning process by Fs tends to really aggravate inferior Fe grip problems in young Ti doms (it’s a common relationship dynamic). Fi doms construct beliefs from their feelings and it’s easy for them to expect that everyone should feel-believe the same. How is a person supposed to react when you keep telling them to Fi everything but they simply can’t or have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about? External manipulation or not, I speculate that Kylo was already in a deep state of doubt about whether he was in the right place. Luke’s intense fear and disgust in that fateful moment only confirmed Kylo’s suspicions that he didn’t belong there, and that Luke was no “good” guy. 

Seeing oneself as irredeemably bad is a big blow to the ego, so one must engage in self-defense. The fact that turning dark allowed him to realize the full potential of his force capabilities, to him, meant that the Jedi were completely wrong in their conception of what is “good”. Therefore, he doesn’t consider himself to be bad per se, rather, he believes that he has discovered the truth about what it means to be great - being great via T is better than being good via F. He was trying to discover his true self through dominant Ti, perfectly normal part of development, but he chose the wrong path, because it was a reactionary decision that was merely rebelling against all the people who were trying to force him into being F. This poor choice meant that he had to keep trying to sever his connection to everything good in himself = disowning F. In his mind, the Jedi were stupid, weak, and deluding themselves all along, but he knows what’s up, and that granted him a high degree of confidence in his decisions. He saw himself as the real deal because he was smart enough and strong enough to be brutally honest about what he is. In essence, he’s no faker, and that makes him superior. These mental gymnastics happen with Ti, not Fi. 

When Fi doms (even just start to) see themselves as bad, it ruins them and renders them impotent and dysfunctional (see previous post about Zuko from Avatar: The Last Airbender as a great example). Yet I see no compelling evidence that Kylo’s identity, feelings, or conflicts held him back, rather, they only served to fuel his rise. Despite appearances, he didn’t lust for power and validation like Te loop/grip, rather, he was only interested in self-mastery, and was willing to do whatever it took to achieve it, because he had no other ideal outside of himself to believe in. Nothing could really stop him unless he decided to stop. When he was frustrated, he would let it out in a quick burst, and then continued on as though it never happened (Fe). He was actually very disciplined in growing his abilities by setting consistent and logical challenges for himself to overcome (Ti), and he always succeeded in achieving his goals and reaching whatever potential he had envisioned for himself (Ne). Furthermore, someone who is very “defensive of their identity” wouldn’t be able to change themselves on a dime, as he did at the end. When faced with the right counter-evidence, he did a whiplash 180 without hemming or hawing or performative self-flagellation or whining about “losing myself”, etc. Would that be possible for Fi-Te?

Rey

Is she introverted? She is unapologetically assertive, she gets involved even when it doesn’t/shouldn’t involve her, she never balks at interacting with people/objects, she always faces situations immediately, she has trouble holding her tongue, she has difficulty introspecting (as evidenced from Luke’s training sessions), and most importantly, she exhibits no sign of needing a lot of down time to recharge. I’ve never known an introvert like that, let alone an ISFP, as they often dwell in their feelings away from the world and dislike taking on too much responsibility due to inferior Te. If she’s introverted, provide me with evidence, since I seem to have missed it.

I don’t think that there’s any evidence of N. She’s resourceful to a certain extent, but she seems to rely very heavily on other people to generate positive ideas and possibilities for reassurance, because she starts to panic when thinking on her own about “what could happen” (low Ne). She doesn’t easily come to intuitive insights about anything, let alone the future (no Ni). One scene in particular made me LOL. Luke was training her and asked her to close her eyes to meditate. He instructed her to “reach out” (to feel the energy of the force), and she extended her hand out physically into the air. That is the exemplar of being too literal. Furthermore, she spent how many freakin’ years following the same set routine day after day, in the same crap dump of a town, waiting obediently for her parents to pick her up? That’s the exemplar of Si discipline. Would SPs be capable of that patience or living in the dreary past for so long? 

I agree that she is primarily motivated by her feelings when making judgments and decisions, which means F. She had to fend for herself since childhood, so her skills are unsurprising. Yet she irrationally lacks self-confidence despite the fact that she’s proven over and over again to be quite scrappy and capable, and people even tell her as much all the time - this is likely to indicate an inferior T insecurity. She has great difficulty (i.e. is unconsciously resistant to) probing around within herself, which is common for inferior Ti in not wanting to feel one’s own darkness. The fact that introspection results in her discovering that her deepest, darkest fear is being completely and utterly “alone” as a “nothing” in “nothingness” is very compelling evidence for inferior Ti.

If inferior Ti, then dominant Fe is a must. I see lots of evidence. She is inexplicably able to communicate with anyone, of any species of bot or animal, with effortless empathic understanding? Her first stance is to give people the benefit of the doubt, no matter how strange or wayward they seem. She has a very naive trust in the goodness of people despite dealing with crooks all the time. She takes it upon herself to bring out the good in people whenever she is in a position to. I don’t think she’s always sure of her feelings (Fi-Ni), rather, she’s always sure that there is goodness to be found if one only looks hard enough (Fe-Ne). A lot of people have strong moral feelings and values, so I’m a bit tired of the lazy stereotype that Fi doms have the monopoly on morality. If you’re going to reference a person’s morality, go deeper to see what exactly it is they believe, how they came to those beliefs, and how they express those beliefs in detail, as that would be more revealing of their functions.

For such a goody-goody-two-shoes, her response to Kylo wasn’t the judgmental disgust that Luke barfed up (Fi-Te) but rather a scary desire to figure him out (Fe-Ti). She seemed quite UNcertain about her personal feelings about him (not Fi), which made their relationship one-sided for quite some time, as she struggled with the push-pull dynamic. ESFJs are often attracted to “dark and mysterious” people due to the unconscious yearnings of inferior Ti, even when Si-Ne warns them that these people are bad news. And it doesn’t get more mysterious than some powerful dude dressed in black donning a mask that shows up in random visions. When avoiding him was no longer possible, she made an admirable effort to dive deeper into his perspective, even when she rightfully feared losing herself in the process. She felt compelled to “get both sides of the story” in typical diplomat fashion before deciding what to do, in hopes of “fixing” Kylo through repairing his relationship with Luke.

Although there seemed to be constant teasing about the possibility of Rey turning dark, I never really saw any possibility. She gave no major indication of being afraid of turning, and it seemed that she never lost touch with her strong desire to be good. She only ever indicated a fear of failing to perform her duty capably (Si) and of failing all the people who were relying upon her powers to succeed (Fe). Discovering her true lineage didn’t really shake her because her parents were good in spite of their bloodline, so there was already an “exception to the rule” for her to follow and emulate. Turning dark would sever and betray her emotional connection to her parents - totally out of the question.

As far as I can tell, the only reason she survived her horrible childhood relatively unscathed was because she held on to the belief that her parents loved her enough to come back, i.e., emotional connection to others is her lifeline. I don’t think it’s an accident that, in her moment of greatest need, it was the connection to past Jedi and their encouragement that saved her butt. She was existentially SHOOK when Kylo claimed that her parents were horrible and abandoned her. And she was only able to find her footing again by inserting herself (i.e. “belonging” to) the Skywalker clan, essentially by being the model of a kid that Ben should’ve been. What self-respecting ISFP would be happy latching on to someone else’s mom, riding someone else’s coattails, and literally defining their identity through someone else’s name and legacy? 

I’ve heard some people critique Rey as a flat mary sue character, and I see where they’re coming from. But which type is most likely to resemble a mary sue at first glance? She is supposed to be the hero in a fairy tale after all, so one would expect her flawedness to be minimized.

Relationship Dynamics

In the final movie, the audience is bludgeoned over and over again with the claim that Kylo and Rey are meant to be a dyad. This all but guarantees that they will be exact functional opposites, otherwise, there would be no strong sense of complementary forces pulling them together into one perfectly harmonized and united front. Although the chemistry between them wasn’t properly developed IMO, I think I saw on paper what was meant to be happening in terms of the writer’s intentions.

Luke was unsuited to helping either of them with questions of identity and morality because, being Fi dom, he took these things for granted, presumptive, already settled non-issues, which amounts to him being closed to any real questioning and discussion. As a result of lacking good guidance, what drew Kylo and Rey together was an underlying need to help each other make sense of themselves, with the unconscious suspicion that the other person held the missing piece of the puzzle. 

Rey was only able to reach her potential by confronting the full extent of her own darkness within (inferior Ti), which was what Kylo forced her to do in incremental steps, as he kept nudging her to question her fundamental beliefs about who she is and what she stands for, presumably in the same way that he had done for himself. But it’s not as easy to twist someone’s sense of morality when F is at the top and healthy versus the bottom of the stack. By making it through his gauntlet of tests and critiques and facing down her fears, she was able to develop into a stronger and more self-assured person to eventually achieve inferior Ti closure. Don’t forget how her eyes would light up when hearing stories of Jedi masters and their achievements. It is mainly EJs who run headfirst toward responsibility rather than away from it. We see, in the end, a picture of Rey as a beaming, confident, and self-possessed person who feels like the world is her oyster, fully inhabiting her role in the hero story that she had always wished to be a part of. The audience is meant to believe that she’s the rightful heir when she finally believes in herself.

By questioning Rey’s identity, Kylo eventually had to question his own as well, since he was the one who wanted to believe that they shared a similar path to feeling lost. Kylo is stuck in adolescent cynicism as explained above, with Si loop resentment from the past preventing him from seeing other, better possibilities for himself. Late in the trilogy, I see in his face that he’s probably suffering from the sunk cost fallacy of thinking that he is past the point of no return. Perhaps he believes that he has no choice but to resign himself to the fate he has chosen (parallel to Vader) since Ti doms strongly believe in personal responsibility. He’s not wrong. If he wasn’t irredeemable at first, he certainly was after the profound destruction he had wrought. Ti doms are rarely wrong as their logic is usually impeccable, but they tend to lack perspective. E.g. He’s not wrong in believing that people are hypocritical because they really are (Ti factual judgment is spot on), but then he defines his terms too narrowly in dismissing all people as unworthy of being called “good” (Fe value judgment is very immature).

What finally broke the mental confinement of Si loop? IMO, three contributing factors: 1) He started to suffer the same skepticism about the dark side as he had with the Jedi, since Ti promotes impartial judgment, which opened him up somewhat to questioning his choices. INTPs deeply dislike sheep mentality and blind ideology, so being constantly asked to prove his “allegiance” and quietly “submit” all the time by his superiors only served to reveal their flawed mentality in the same vein as Luke, which gave him the logical justification he needed for eliminating one boss after another. 2) He was drawn deeper and deeper into Rey’s psychology, which backfired on him, because it proved to him, again and again, every which way, that goodness is indeed possible, as Rey easily aced every temptation and challenge that he was able to fling at her. For NPs(Ne), believing in possibility can’t help but create a strong desire to actualize it. 3) Leia intervened with what I’m assuming was one last-ditch attempt to communicate how much she truly loves him despite what he’s become, which perhaps served to expand his thinking about what it means to love. 

In the end, he redeemed himself on his own terms (even if he was not fully redeemed for the audience). As a result, he discovered something resembling happiness in his last moments of connection with Rey. You can’t tell a Ti dom to be good “just because”, or take goodness as default without question, or present a fake and idealized image of goodness for them to live up to, because that will never satisfy Ti. At the same time, morality cannot remain an abstract concept or else it is very easy to twist upside down. Goodness must be deeply FELT in order to be a motivating force, and he, at long last, felt goodness in his bones, through his decision to place the greater good above himself - inferior F often means arriving very late to the feeling party. He finally caught a glimpse of what he could be and should be through Rey’s, and possibly his mother’s, eyes, which allowed for inferior Fe closure. He had always gotten by okay without love and only believing and trusting in himself, but he realized that he was far better off for opening himself up to something more. 

That’s my take anyway. Or perhaps that’s what I needed to see to make the story more interesting for myself, lol.

[bigskydreaming]

I'm having a worse than usual day, so my go to moodlift method is making up headcanons for Dick that don't involve superheroing. You know, the romantic hero, the 'most eligible bachelor' aspect.. gets the focus. Because hey plenty of us had a crush on him growing up. Just for fun, I wanna ask you, do you think he's a slow burn romance kinda guy or intense fiery passionate romance from the get go kinda guy? One more, the age old question, is HE an ass guy or a tiddy guy? Imo he's a thigh guy..

Sorry you’re having a crap day, and uh, hope this didn’t end up not fun, I got lost in the headcanoning and character analysis and zigged and zagged per usual, so……I do not trust my ability to tell, overall. LMAO. But good question, made me think!

I think it depends on the person. I feel like Dick is capable of both, that sometimes feelings just creep up on him for someone over time, but other times he’s just drawn to someone instantly. For me, Babs and Kory is the proof - the instant crush on Babs from day one is more of a Reboot introduction to their dynamic…..in various older continuities, she was more a rival at first. Even as he advocated for Bruce to help train her and not stop her from being Batgirl at sometimes, he still very much was competitive with her, that sort of thing. You could argue it was the schoolboy kinda crush, that idea of a boy pulling the pigtails of a girl he likes because he doesn’t know how to admit he likes her or even realizes himself that he does. But personally, I find that explanation doesn’t really fit Dick, as its more fitting to someone who lacked his early maturity.

The thing is, a lot of people tend to focus on some of Dick’s more immature behaviors and actions, as a grown man and back when he was Robin with the puns and seeming innocence, and just see it as innocence and immaturity…..but I’ve always seen it as a coping mechanism. Dick grew up fast at a very early age, as much as Bruce himself did - they just coped with it in very different ways. People emphasize that Bruce took him in partly to keep Dick from turning out like he did, but they often forget at the same time that Bruce also took Dick in because he empathized with him, saw himself and his own tragedy reflected in Dick’s. Life-altering events had already happened to Dick before he ever set foot in Wayne Manor…..and Dick was altered. He was painfully aware of how cruel life could be, how serious things were, before Bruce ever actually had any ability to halt that realization from ever touching Dick.

The difference between Bruce and Dick and how they turned out, is that with Bruce’s support in those early years, Dick willfully clung to as much of his childhood as was left to him, even if at times it was the ‘fake it until you make it’ mentality. Many of his more immature behaviors are IMO a spiteful defiance of life’s attempt to make him grow up before he should have had to….and Bruce encouraged these things, IMO. He gave Dick the support and shelter, the buffer that allowed Dick to act immature even in the face of gravely serious and dark issues, because quite frankly, Dick cracking puns even while they were face to face with a life-threatening danger is probably a healthier coping mechanism than any Bruce had at the same age, at least in Bruce’s eyes if nothing else. 

But my point is, Dick’s youthful optimism and cheeriness even in the darkest parts of growing up Robin in Gotham City….none of that existed because Dick was truly childish and immature as befitted his actual age, thanks to Bruce taking him in and guiding him to turn out better than he did or whatever that line of thought might look like…..rather, it existed because Dick made the willful and deliberate choice to act as much the child as he could for as long as he could…..and I think that in the early years when things were really good between them and they were largely on the same page, Bruce recognized this choice for what it was, this defiance to the cards life had dealt Dick, and he encouraged and defended Dick’s ability to make this choice and act this way.

But you can’t see the kind of things all the Robins saw and actually be as immature and goofy as Dick acted as Robin, untouched by all of that. Dick was right there in the thick of it all along. How can you avoid being touched by Gotham’s darkness, seeing Gotham’s darkness, when you’re punching it right in the face, you know? You can’t. But what you can do, if you choose to, and which is what Dick chose to do….is not give it the satisfaction of knowing it touched you. The real testament of how mature Dick was or not as a young crime-fighting Robin, how aware he was or not of the grim realities of life, was not in how he acted when face to face with villains and criminals, but rather, how he acted when face to face with their victims. THAT’S where the reality of Dick’s maturity shined through, even LONG before he met Barbara in any canon.

Which is how this tangent brings us back to topic, lol….a schoolboy crush being the explanation for some of Dick’s earlier pettiness with Barbara and their rivalry at times, like, just doesn’t track with Dick’s actual maturity, IMO. The actual more likely explanation as I see it is that Dick did genuinely clash with her at times, in the very early years, that his initial attitudes were a confused mish-mash of feeling threatened by her and her possibly getting between him and Bruce, the partnership that was in all but name his unique form of father-son bonding time….but also at the same time still being Dick Grayson and feeling compelled to do the right thing and respect and thus defend her being given the same chance and training he’d been given, to do what they both felt needed doing, that they were driven to do.

So I don’t think he and Babs were instant friends, and I don’t think she was his instant crush….I think it was slowburn with her, he gradually grew to develop feelings for her over time, as his respect for her mind and capabilities grew to outweigh whatever conflicting emotions he felt about her being around, and then eventually blossomed into actual love.

Then in contrast, you have Kory. And I think Dick was instantly attracted to her from the get-go, and their relationship was the very epitome of intense passionate romance and all the ups and downs that go along with it, as befits too of the most primal and passionate people in the DC universe. Dick was drawn to her pretty much from day one, and Kory was as well, and it wasn’t an opposites attract thing so much as two beings resonating on the same wavelength, even if at times from different parts of the same spectrum. 

Because here’s the thing about Dick that I think links the two kinds of relationships and makes them both fitting for him…..he is very much a creature of instincts. He goes with his gut, he responds to things on an automatic and visceral level. But at the same time, the other truth about Dick is that his mind is no less exceptional than anyone else’s in the Batfamily, and his instincts are guided by a hell of a lot more intellect and processing power than most peoples’ are. He’s been trained from the time he could walk, even long before he met Bruce, to have exceptional situational awareness, to adapt to changes in his environment and predicaments with a moment’s notice, to take in every possible relevant detail at a glance when the stakes are literally those of leaping off a high trapeze. Dick trusts his instincts, because Dick’s instincts are exceptional, and with reason.

And this applies to every part of his life, not just the superhero parts. So when Dick feels drawn to someone like Kory, I think he trusts his gut and goes with it….he might not necessarily even know yet on a conscious level why he’s attracted to them and they’re someone he could really fall for and have a relationship with, he just knows that he does feel that way, and trusts that its for a reason. And then at the same time, with someone like Barbara, he likely had those same instincts about her, leading to the times he defends her to Bruce even though he might have clashed with her just minutes before, but he knows there’s a reason for him to do that, act that way, even if it takes much longer for that to transition from a mere possibility of actual compatibility to conscious feelings of actual attraction and love. 

Its all instinct to him either way….but the person he’s instinctively reacting to has the definitive role in whether or not its slowburn or instant passionate attraction….because the other deep truth about him that I feel is relevant here is that Dick feeds off other people, their energy, what they show him and give him to work with….and his instinct is usually to meet them in kind, give the same energy back, unless say, he makes the conscious decision to override his instincts and power through an antagonistic reception and try and forge a positive bond, like with building his sibling dynamic and mentorship of Damian.

But in regards to his romances, as I said, I think the same instincts might be in play with both Barbara and Kory, but it played out very differently because Babs wasn’t initially drawn to him, not in that way at least. She wasn’t putting forth a romantic energy, and so it took awhile for Dick’s own romantic feelings to emerge and for them to finally be reciprocated in time. In contrast, it was hot and fiery from day one with Kory, because Kory was drawn to him from day one as much as Dick was to her, so there was nothing to slow down or stop those instincts from transforming into attraction and romantic feelings from the second he felt them.

As to the rest of your ask, lololol, sorry to be a cop out, but I don’t think there is a specific physical draw for Dick. I’ve always headcanoned him as bi, which is a bit of projection on my part, sure, but also I just genuinely don’t think gender or even physicality at all has anything to do with what draws to a person, or makes him attracted to them. Yeah, sure, I think he absolutely has physical attributes he loves and might put forth as their best attribute for any partner he’s with, but I think its different with each person because Dick is all about individuality….not just with himself and his own independence, but just….people aren’t interchangeable for him. At any level, I think. 

Every person who’s important to him is uniquely distinct in his mind, and I think with his romantic partners, this results in him liking something distinct about them physically, that separates them in his mind from any other partners he’s had. Because I don’t think its physical appearance that’s Dick’s primary source of attraction with his partners….he’s attracted to them first, and then he settles on something physical that’s uniquely attractive to him as well, that’s different in his mind from anyone else.

Because I think the thing that draws Dick to people in all forms of his relationships, but is particularly true and evident in his romantic partners…..is Dick is both drawn and attracted to competence, skill, power, intellect….all the things that make someone hardy. Durable. A survivor in the context of the world of superheroics that he lives in, specifically.

He’s drawn to people he feels he’s less likely to lose. And he’s attracted to people that this is equally true of, and even moreso, to the degree where he doesn’t feel any need to protect them….not because he doesn’t want to, but because it isn’t relevant. He feels and trusts that they’re more than capable of protecting themselves just as well if not better than he ever could.

And he knows better than anyone that nothing’s a guarantee, and even as he surrounds himself with family and friends and romantic partners that all have in common the fact that they’re incredibly skilled, capable and powerful…enduring…..he still knows that doesn’t mean he can’t lose them, that he won’t lose them. And thus IMO they all wind up in distinct categories in his mind.

His family, he’d kill for. His friends, he’d die for. And his romantic partners, the thing that makes him attracted to them, rather than just drawn to them, are those that he has no doubt would kick his ass for ever presuming to do either of those things for them, because they’re more than capable of taking care of themselves, thanks ever so much. He’s attracted to people he feels safe around, in the sense that he’s not always on guard, always worried about losing them, because he trusts in their ability to endure, survive, and thrive. And that he also can relax around, in the sense that he’s not always feeling like its on him to protect them, defend them, that he has to be always to be on guard or watching out for…because its not his job to protect them and it doesn’t have to be, because there’s nothing he can do for them that they can’t do for themselves and wouldn’t prefer to be left to them. And thus with them he can just…be.

Dick Grayson IMO is attracted to one type of person and one type only: his equals in body, mind and spirit. The ones he can stand beside and not feel dwarfed by or lost in their shadow, and at the same time never have to look back to make sure they’re following him because he knows they’re right there next to him keeping up. He’s attracted to those who challenge him, intellectually, emotionally, that he respects on every level, but who respect him on every level too…..with this part being especially key, and the problem he’s had in his canon relationships - they ONLY fall apart on his end of things, make him lose faith in the relationship, when he feels disrespected, that they’re not valuing him or his capabilities or contributions. 

Dick KNOWS his own worth, which is why he’s such a unique blend of confidence and insecurity….he can weather a whole society of people looking down on him because he knows their opinion doesn’t mean shit to him, but still be stricken with insecurity when he feels someone whose opinion he DOES value, like a romantic partner, family or friend, seems to question his worth or what he’s capable of. 

Dick and Kory are my preferred canon relationship because when they’re ALLOWED to work without editorial mandate to break them up or keep them apart, they embody this most fully for me. Because Kory is massively more powerful than Dick, but never regarded Dick as anything other than her equal in the field in spite of that. There was no question that they both regarded each other as fellow warrior spirits that they trusted to have their back in battle above all others. Kory and Dick work so well for me, because with everything else I said kept in mind, they SHOULDN’T work, not as total equals, and yet they DO. There SHOULD be a power imbalance there, and yet there never was. Not one that was felt, anyway, and not one that was ever in any way responsible for any of their romantic problems. Their issues were disagreements born of competing ideologies….but that both felt equally strongly about. Or issues of trust but only that were externally imposed by brainwashing and shapeshifting and bad shitty writing and editorial mandate that I’ll be ranting about on my deathbed. 

BUT I DIGRESS.

Anyway, enough rhapsodizing about Dick and Kory, lol, like that’s anything new. I mean, I could insert rhapsodizing about the potential for Dick and Kyle based on all of the above and other reasons, but that’s nothing new either. And also, whoops, this got super fucking long.

OH UNKNOWABLE UNIVERSE, WHO COULD HAVE FORESEEN SUCH A THING.

[huberts-private-counsel-archive]

Hello it's me again~ may I... Ask for a cute little one shot thing for Ashe and Hubert. I'm weak for them....

,HI!! I MEANT TO GET TO THIS A L O T SOONER SKJFHFKJ I HOPE YOU DON’T MIND HOW LONG IT TOOK ;W;

And also, Modern AU for this one!! and...a lot more (attempted) humor than I originally intended lol - as well as a switch from my usual format!! 

....aaand a lot...longer...than I thought...i know you said little but i kinda went off woops

--------------------

Hubert was going to die. That’s it. He was going to perish in just a few moments and the one person he thought would have his back was currently trying not to laugh at him.

Correction. Was laughing at him.

“Edelgard please, this is a serious matter...” Hubert grumbled, though that only succeeded in making her laugh harder...for some reason. 

“I’m sorry Hubert,” Edelgard said as she wiped away the tears in her eyes - liar, she wasn’t actually sorry, Hubert could tell - and sighed. “But truly...how could you expect me to not laugh?”

“Maybe out of respect for a childhood friend?” Hubert buried his head under his arms, trying to figure a way out of this situation while his traitor of a friend simply laughed. 

“Hubert, honestly, how did you expect me to not laugh? What you’ve told me is, pardon my bluntness, absolutely hysterical,” chuckling as she spoke. Perhaps Hubert would have to reconsider helping her get those tickets Dorothea’s new play if this was how she was going to treat him.

What was the matter, exactly? According to Edelgard, something hysterical. That something being the fact that, after what might have been a year or two of stewing in his feelings for a young man named Ashe Ubert, and decided to take the plunge and attempt to confess.

By writing him a letter. With the intent to gift it in person, since he knew that he would not be able to say the words aloud, having not bothered to sign it. And then leaving said letter in front of his dorm room because he was an idiot and a fool who panicked as soon as he knocked on the door, dropping the letter and booking it.

Do you understand Hubert’s dilemma now?

And thus he had come to Edelgard, hoping for sympathy and maybe advice on how to get the letter back if not apologize, only to be met with laughter on her end. The absolute traitor.

“In any case...I don’t believe you have any reason to worry.” Edelgard took a sip from the coffee she had been nursing when Hubert initially asked if they could meet. Thankfully the shop had been quiet when he arrived, with very few patrons aside from himself and Edelgard...

...and yet, with how much she was laughing, Hubert almost would’ve preferred if there were more patrons - if only to have some distraction from his embarrassment.

“I believe I have every reason to worry. I made a fool out of myself,” Hubert lifted his head, only to hold it in his hands. Goddess, the amount of embarrassment he felt from this whole situation was immeasurable - and it was all his own fault! He really had no one to blame here but himself.

And yet...truthfully, he couldn’t find any true regret in this situation. Well, of course he regretted leaving behind the letter, and he defnitely regretted running away like a coward even more, but he couldn’t find himself regretting falling for Ashe. In fact, he found himself struggling just trying to picture a world where he did not fall for Ashe. After all, Ashe was practically a ball of sunshine incarnated as a person - if opposites really did attract, well, that would explain quite a bit. 

There were a million and one reasons as to why and how he realized he’d fallen (including but not limited to the time Hubert had quite literally tripped into Ashe’s arms)...and apparently, he had found it fit to include it all in the letter.

Perhaps if he asked nicely enough, Edelgard’s step-brother would be willing to put him out of his misery.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Ashe hadn’t known what to expect when he first found the letter in front of his dorm room after hearing a knock on the door. He’d reached down to pick it up, but when he looked up to see who left it there, all he’d seen was a flash of black rounding the corner. Maybe he should have given chase, but at the time, he had been distracted by the letter that was now in his hands. 

So he had gone back into his dorm room, carefully opened the letter, and began to read.

And within the first few sentences, felt his entire face burn.

Whoever it was that wrote this letter - and actually wrote it, in very neat (and almost familiar) handwriting - was very, very much in love with him. And very detailed about said love. No, there wasn’t anything gross or creepy in the letter, but with how hot Ashe’s face felt, there might as well be. 

It’s just...he’s never felt so flattered in his entire life? It was almost uncomfortable, with how hot his dorm room seemed all of a sudden when they mentioned how much they adored his cooking, and the way he gushed about his favorite books, and how his eyes apparently lit up whenever getting particularly passionate, and...

Well, you get the gist. The point was, Ashe was definitely flustered. There were just a couple of problems.

First of all, whoever had written the letter had not signed their name. Sure, they had handwritten the entire letter, but Ashe didn’t think comparing the handwriting of every student on the campus would be feasible in any way (although, looking at it again, it did look rather familiar...). 

Second of all...Ashe already had someone he was in love with. So whoever had sent this letter, he was flattered, really, but his heart was already set on one person.

That person being Hubert von Vestra. Maybe it was surprising (Ashe could almost hear Sylvain’s shocked sputtering if he were to ever find out), but Ashe found himself falling head over heels with this man. Perhaps he was rather intimidating when you first meet him, and maybe he seemed far too dark and broody for someone like Ashe to fall for, but that was the thing.

Hubert was more than just some dark and broody forensic science major (though he wouldn’t blame people for thinking otherwise). At his core, Hubert was a truly kind person, despite it only being to people he deemed worthy of it. He was loyal to a fault, and just as protective - Ashe almost giggled remembering the time someone had tried to trip Ashe and ended up getting their own legs swept out from underneath them. There was also the fact that Hubert was fond of cats - Ashe had caught him, on multiple occasions, petting and even feeding the stray cats around their university.

It also didn’t hurt that Hubert was very attractive. Very, very attractive,

Look, point was, Ashe had to find whoever wrote this letter and tell them that he was awfully sorry, but his heart was already set on someone else, and he couldn’t find himself returning their feelings when he was already in love with another. That would just be cruel of him.

So he had headed out, letter in hand, hoping to maybe find Hubert and asked him if he could help him figure this out. No, this wasn’t just an ulterior motive to spend more time with Hubert - though that certainly didn’t hurt - he just knew that if anyone could figure out who wrote it, it would be Hubert. After all, Hubert was extremely smart, almost scarily so. 

Luckily, he didn’t have to look for too long. He spotted Hubert sitting with Edelgard at the university’s coffee shop - though for whatever reason, Edelgard seemed to be laughing as Hubert buried his head in his hands. Did something happen?

“Hey, Hubert!” Ashe called out as he walked over, holding the letter tight. Hubert’s head whipped around to look at him, with a strangely panicked look in his eyes as Edelgard’s simply twinkled with what Ashe guessed was amusement. 

“H-Hello Ashe,” Hubert said in a strained voice once Ashe had reached their table, with Ashe tilting his head at hearing the strained tone. 

“Are you feeling alright? If you aren’t, I can always come back later-” Ashe began saying, though he was cut off. Surprisingly enough, by Edelgard - somehow, she just didn’t seem like the type.

“No, it’s quite alright. I’m certain we would both love to hear what you had to say,” Edelgard said, giving Hubert an odd look.

“A-Alright, if you say so.” Ashe looked between them, a bit concerned, but he supposed Edelgard would know if Hubert was alright or not. “I got this letter earlier today, and I was wondering-”

Hubert suddenly seemed to choke on nothing, coughing hard. Was Edelgard sure that he was alright? Hubert was turning horribly red...although, Edelgard herself didn’t seem too concerned. In fact, she seemed almost amused.

“Well? Go on,” she prompted.

“...I was simply wondering if Hubert could maybe help me find out who wrote it,” Ashe finished almost weakly. 

Hubert’s face seemed to be warring between various shades of red and turning completely pale. He muttered something, so quietly that Ashe couldn’t hear it.

“Did you say something? I’m afraid I couldn’t quite hear you...” Ashe watched as Hubert gave an almost helpless look to Edelgard, as Edelgard simply gestured for him to go on.

Hubert coughed again, and without looking Ashe in the eyes, he spoke. “It...It was me.”

Ashe stared at him for a few moments, completely silent as his mind processed what Hubert had said.

Then...

“WHAT?!”

(Edelgard, admittedly, was having far too much fun watching the both of them stumbling over their words as they both admitted to having at least a year’s worth of feelings for one another. She was glad that they finally managed to get together, even if it was in one of the more ridiculous ways Edelgard had thought of.

Well, she’s definitely seen worse. That worse being her professor’s first attempt at romancing the dean of the school...his fault for taking Sylvain’s advice to heart. At least it worked out between them.

She almost wished she had recorded this. Dorothea would be having a field day with this entire situation.)