#this took me way too long and i struggled with the poses way too much and it did not cure my art slump. oh well

[antirepurp]

revisited the old "they descended from ancients + shadow was made by them" concept and put more thought into the markings this time, that and i took cues from their concept arts as a treat for myself. no chaos forms this time bc if this has to sit on my hard drive any longer im going to start running up the walls hee hoo

(old art + original concept for the curious i suppose)

[kozachenko]

Finally decided to play around with my old lineless style again! Also figured out a way to draw Reimu that I actually really like!

Artist's Notes;

I've mentioned in a few earlier posts that I've been wanting to draw in my lineless style again for a while as a way to test what I've learnt from my previous style in regards to lighting. I did the face first and then for a while was thinking about doing a full body illustration of Reimu just to draw her outfit again. I'll talk about the face first since that's the first drawing I did in this batch.

For the longest time I really couldn't find a way to translate Reimu's face into my style. I was able to make her clothes work out well, just not really her face. I did like elements of how I drew her face a few other times, namely the tiny eyebrows and her pupils, but they didn't really feel like Reimu to me, or at least how I imagined her in my head. I then realized that it was less of a problem with the entire face and moreso the eyes, and it took me quite a bit of trial and error to make something that I was happy with. Also, as much as I thought the tiny eyebrows were cute, it didn't really make sense with her character. Like, from what I know about Japanese history, plucking your eyebrows was something that nobles (rich people) would do, and since Reimu is...neither of those things, I decided to just give her some thicker eyebrows instead (I will be saving the plucked eyebrows for another character though, so they will return). After I got to a face I was happy with, my next challenge was the hair. I did the front part first and liked that enough to continue, and then after more trial and error I realized that deep down I was a short-hair-Reimu-is-best-Reimu-truther this whole time because once I gave up on the long hair and gave her shorter hair something just clicked in my brain. And so, after drawing her outfit in again (this time without the yellow tie which is kinda sad but I'll find a way to incorperate it into future designs because it just was not making sense to me in context with the rest of the outfit) and finnicking around with the bow, I came to a version of Reimu's face that I actually liked. I thought that it made more sense for her character to have her cut it short, mainly because she's doing a bunch of Youkai extermination and she has to keep her hair out of her face somehow. I still wanted to make it kinda messy though, as Reimu is probably too lazy to clean it up herself. I think another reason I like it so much is because in Forbidden Scrollery, Moe Harukawa gave Reimu short hair and that really suited her, so I guess that was just a subconcious reason as to why I liked it so much. I also think that the shorter hair helps to separate her a lot from Marisa, as I think Marisa looks really good with longer hair. Speaking of, now I wanna do a drawing of her and Reimu together to really solidify how I draw them (unlike the previous version where it was just them standing). As much as I do like the face, I am concerned if she looks too much like how I drew Keiki now, but that might just be a product of the stylistic choices I made with her eyes and I might just be overthinking it. I am hyperaware of same face syndrome so that's probably the reason I'm so concerned about it lol.

Now for the fully body drawing. I was struggling to think of a good pose for her, so I just took a picture of myself and used that as a reference while still making slight adjustments for readability's sake. This is another case of, "I've looked at this too long and can spot every single issue with it" but this time I'm still happy with the final product mainly because this was a test drive for how I want to develop my lineless style in the future and for what it is I am more than pleased with the result. The main reason I deviated away from my lineless style was mainly because I was having a hard time with the lighting and making it interesting, and I am so glad that I've finally found a way to make it work! I'm especially happy with the clothes, as I think clothing folds are really fun to draw. I was somewhat inspired by the works of J.C. Lyendecker and the way he draws clothes, though admittedly it is not a one to one, since I mainly wanted to try implying the shading of the clothing folds with shapes (I do really want to do a study of his style one day as his art is incredible). So for the sleeves, I drew in a bunch of triangles where I wanted there to be a strong highlight, roughly coloured in the inside, and then blended them all so it looks like a more subtle. On both of these drawings, I also added in a noise filter to give it some texture (as that's what I used to often do with my drawings) and while I do like it, I might want to experiment with making it more subtle in the future, as it's pretty noticeable in both these drawings. Overall, I'm really happy with the lighting and colours of this drawing, and while I could nitpick several aspects of it (her hand holding the gohei looks too tense, I tried making her look like she was standing on the balls of her feet but the positioning of her Gohei's trail of papers ends up making it look weird, and I could've put more effort into the hair and bow and so many more things), this is more of a piece for me to experiment with my style again, and I'm excited for when I get a new idea for a piece, as I really wanna try some more stuff out with this style!

[strangerxperv]

hiiii id like to request a robin buckley x reader smut, maybe one where robin’s this desperate loser lesbian archetype and she has a huge crush on reader, reader ends up letting robin fuck her however she wants. sorry if this isn’t how you’re supposed to request, i couldn’t find a request button!! thank you!! :)

A request I've been sitting on

Robin Buckley x popular Reader

Minors fuck off

NSFW

word count: 1K

You're popular, like truly popular and friendly with literally everyone. Friends with jocks, nerds, druggies, outcasts, and other popular people (just as a few examples). Being a class clown with charisma sprouting like flowers in spring has its perks.

It's the reason Robin has such a crush on you and can't help but follow after you. You're both besties! The kind where one jokes about fucking the other and that friend desperately wants it to be a reality. She wants to see how pretty your clit is and how good you taste.

Robin's seen you naked thanks to gym class and the occasional slumber parties. She knows what color your nipples are and how much hair is on your pelvis. The way your ass jiggles when you pull up your panties.

Robin knows what your favorite panties and bras are, it's memorized, she even knows your sizes. Hell! You've even posed while wearing lingerie to get Robin's friendly opinion.

What she doesn't know is that you've figured her out, her little secret. You still remember the first time Robin saw you completely nude. You thought she broke her jaw from how hard her jaw hit the floor.

The way she looked you up and down. Blue eyes lingering on your tits and sliding down to your pussy, seemingly stuck. Robin's eyes widen when she sees that you're wet, slick shining.

You pieced it all together after that and loved to make her squirm. Flirting with the brunette was your favorite pass time and left you more than wet. You wanted to see how long it would take her to notice that you knew. You wondered how long it would take for her to snap, what will she do?

Which leads you to now, with your legs spread wide and cunt glistening in front of your best friend, "Is my ex right? Does it look gross?"

Her blue eyes are eclipsed with black that snap up to your face before taking in your entirety. "He's an idiot. If I were a guy I'd be hard as hell."

"You aren't hard? Clits get hard but you said you aren't, so it's not pretty?"

Robin's face reddens and she licks her lips before speaking, "No, I'm definitely hard. It's so fucking hot. Like, seriously hot." Her trembling words encourage your hand to slide down. Gently you spread your cunt open to show your twitching clit and sopping hole. "Whoa."

Her whisper buffs onto your slit and lads on your pearl forcing more slick onto the bed. "Well, I don't know that for sure." You pause, "Can I see?" Her head snaps up at you so fast you worry for her neck and if it might hurt later.

"Y-you want to see, you want to see my...down there?" Robin's face couldn't possibly get any more red and she holds her breath.

"Well...we are both girls so it's not a big deal plus we're both besties! And, to be fair, you've seen me." Still your legs are spread while you keep your lips open. "Would it help if I took everything off?"

With that you remove your hand and whip the shirt over your head. Making fast work of your bra to toss onto the floor. Your tits bounce with the movement leaving you completely nude. "Does this help? Can I see if you're hard?"

At this point you could ask Robin to murder someone and she'd agree. How could she refuse her crush? Especially when she's completely naked on her bed with spread legs.

Robin stands silently and fumbles with the button on her jeans then struggles to pull the zipper down. Shucking them down quickly to kick it aside before yanking her panties off and kicking them aside too. Robin climbs onto the bed and spreads her own tan legs.

You close your thighs and sit up onto your knees crawling to her. In a few short moments you're between her legs. Your hand slides up the bed to below Robin and up the inside of her thigh, it's slick. "I can't see." Comes your breathy explanation as you gently spread her open.

Her clit is a pretty pink color and standing at attention, stiff, and it calls to you. Blowing purposefully onto the shiny pearl makes it twitch desperately. Robin let's out a surprised gaspy moan with her head thrown back.

"You really are hard for me. Does that mean you wanna fuck me? When boys are hard that means they do." You want her to say it. Say that she needs you as much as she needs you.

"Mmm..." Her blue eyes lock with your own pretty eyes, "I want to...I-I do." It's not that Robin is unsure of her feelings but she is afraid.

"Why? Do you like me like a boy does?"

"Please, please don't be mad." There's tears in her blue eyes as she begins to close her legs.

But before she can you're between them pressed against her. Your lips are on her own in a gentle embrace that makes her gasp. Your slick tongue flicks her lower lip announcing it's presence. Slithering into Robin's mouth the wet appendage tangles with her own.

"I could never hate you Robin. Not for this. I know how you feel and I obviously feel the same. Never, never question this." You lay one more quick kiss onto her plump lips, "Since you've liked me longer I think you should fuck me first, however you want me."

Those words seem to spur her forward as she flips you onto your back, "You've known the entire time. You little fucking tease! Do you know how many panties you've ruined and how many nights I had to feel guilty? Cumming to you was the best and worst thing up to this point." She bites your neck until you're crying out her name, "Tonight you're gonna make it all better cause I'm gonna punish you till I feel better."

[boxbug]

A Canary’s Final Flight

My piece for @trafficzine 4th edition! Get it for free here! 200 pages of excellent art and fics, incredible work from all participants and from the mods especially!! huge shoutout to the mods for real

Process notes under the cut! (I struggled a lot so it's a bit of a novel)

So the entire process was a Ride. I knew when I picked this prompt that I was going to have a hard time, because Jimmy’s final death had been illustrated a billion times over by extremely talented artists. But I had a Vision of the snapshot of the second before the impact, when everything is still but you know what’s about happen. It was very much inspired by the clip of Fog by Jabberwocky, bu the thing is, they have the advantage of all the build up of the fall, and that’s when the trouble started.

This was my first version, and obviously it wasn't working. And I was trying so hard, with so many iterations! Small wings, big wings, no wings, different poses, less backgrounds elements. I'd done compositions were everything seemed peaceful but something is Wrong, but it wasn't working this time.

So instead I focused on what rendering I'd like to do - I tried a painterly approach, for that visceral feeling, but it wasn't working either (but hey, I did keep the red sky, so, progress)

At this point I'd been doing back and forths for weeks and I was just as lost as at the start. Now that's my tip for people who make art of any kind, in situations like that, stop thinking about how you can make the best piece possible, and think about you can have fun with it (because when you aren't it's visible). And for that was, 1 - going back to using ink and pen nibs and doing way too detailed inking, and 2- looking at Dave McKean's covers for Sandman (which, funnily enough, was also a reference for my previous trafficzine piece)

And from there I was actually going somewhere! Between the jagged rocks, the red sky, and the increased verticality with the borders, I had hit the vibes I wanted.

I did some experimentation with the border, and even though I really liked the bad boys I drew they were taking too much away from the lonely desolation, so I actually used Red (Unecessary Redstone)'s idea of all of Jimmy's worldy's possessions scattered on the ground post impact, with the idea to make it looks like the central image is his grave being dug.

(and yes for a short amount of time the were supposed to be clock markings on the sun, but there was already enough going with the wings so I scrapped that) (also fun fact the reason why the wings aren't fully material but more ghostly is because my toddler cousin was watching me draw the very first draft and asked why he didn't just use his wings and i went :( so the wings are a metaphor now)

So from there I found a bunch of picture and took some myself, cut and assembled everything together, added shadows in all the appropriate places, and repainted some elements so that everything would look better intergrated (some of the wheats are basically 100% handpainted, the cardboard as well). This took a suprisingly long amount of time, but I was done!

Well I wasn't expecting to have that much to say, but I hope if you're still reading, it was at least interesting!

[jinnie-ret]

MY YOUTH | SKZ NINTH AU

stray kids x ninth member!reader (platonic)

<---------- back to my youth

<---------- back to main masterlist

chapter 5

genre: fluff, tiny angst content warnings: small mention of grief

word count: 1.2k

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March 25th 2019

Lou couldn't thank the gods above enough that she had been transported two years prior to the world she was living in her home universe. It certainly benefitted her that she was already familiar with the Miroh choreography, and the fact she needed help with fine-tuning particular moves played to her advantage considering this version of her struggled with dance too. Maybe they weren't that different after all.

"Lou, you ready?" Minho asked softly, putting his hands on her shoulders and trying to capture her attention.

"Yeah! Yeah..." Lou nodded but the expression on her face didn't change.

"Don't think too much about the choreo, hm? It's automatic by now," he reminded her before guiding her to the group huddle.

He was right. Even though they had cheered each other on and hyped everyone up before finding their starting poses on stage with a 'hwaiting', the nerves still lingered. That was until the first notes of Miroh played and it was like a switch went off in her head, adrenaline suddenly flowing within her as she felt her face morph into exciting expressions, her body move sharply and softly when needed, and of course her gorgeous singing voice during the bridge of the song. It was when Chan normally sang, she noted to herself.

Stays cheered ecstatically after their performance, excited to see the boys and Sunny before their very eyes. Yes, she was Sunny here, and just Louisa back in her home universe. She was sure she even saw faint glimpses of her other self practising the Miroh choreography in her bedroom at home.

Thankfully that adrenaline was still present in her mind like autopilot, and that's what got her through the awkward backstage interviews. It was either that or Chan doing most of the talking as their leader.

She still found it crazy that Chan was her leader too.

A staff member came up to them as they sat down to recooperate, turning to Jeongin and Lou first.

🔴📹

"It was so fun, so it wasn't really hard at all," Jeongin grinned as usual to the camera for SKZ Talker.

"Speak for yourself," Lou said with her eyes squinting at the other maknae, whilst she was leant back against the wall.

"You didn't enjoy it?" Chan questioned intrigued, ruffling her hair.

"I'm joking, Bang Chan," Lou used an informal tone, exaggerating her voice weirdly, which got a laugh out of Seungmin and Stays in the future when they'd watch the vlog.

•NEW CLIP• 🔴📹

"Talker wake up," Changbin cooed at the camera sweetly.

"Just shout at them, I'm sure they'll hear your voice," Lou earnestly nodded, not one ounce of a mean tone present. She meant it as a compliment of course, it was truly impressive what the dwaekki could do with his voice. Yet the boys still thought she dissing Changbin and let out an 'ohhhhh' and clapped their hands laughing.

"Yahhh, why are you doing that I meant Changbin has a loud voice and knows how to use it!" Lou huffed, rolling her eyes, making Han pat her head and poke her cheek to get a smile out of her. He was quickly successful in his efforts, the aegi sun never not smiling for too long.

"Aish I knew Sunny wouldn't be mean to me," Changbin let out a cheer and did a little happy dance in front of her, wiggling his hips.

•NEW CLIP• 🔴📹

On the way back to the dorms, Lou was sat at the back of the car between her 'parents' Han and Minho, whilst Hyunjin and Felix were sat in the row in front of them. Chan, Changbin, Seungmin and Jeongin had taken another car back.

"Next time we ask you to provide the harmony stay," Minho pointed righteously towards the camera Hyunjin was holding to record the chaos of the car.

All it took was Han starting a note and then a nudge in the shoulder to Lou to gesture her to keep going. It made her jump but she nodded enthusiastically before a beautiful harmony filled the car. Amazingly, they both purposefully went out of tune at the same time making everyone burst into giggles.

"I got to host today with Seungminnie..." Felix began talking to the camera next to Hyunjin, but Lou was much more preoccupied with taking Han's snacks for herself and passing them to Minho at the same time.

❎📹

Finally the cars arrived at the dorm, dropping the kids off, and with the reunion outside the cars came a race between the youngest two to the front door, Chan facepalming as he led the others more calmly.

When they all got there however, Lou and Jeongin were stood confused at the parcel with some orange flowers attached to it.

"Woah what's this?" Hyunjin picked it up curiously, Seungmin stood at his side as they scanned it for a label.

"Oh it's for Sunny," Seungmin voiced what he spotted.

That gave perfect opportunity for Hyunjin to use his height against the young girl and hold the parcel way above his own head so that there was no chance that she would be able to reach it herself.

"Hyunjin! Heyyy! I will vandalise your room again," Lou threatened him yet laughing as she did so.

"Okayyyy, okay," Hyunjin laughed, still taking the threat seriously as he gave her the parcel and they all entered the dorm, sitting around on the sofas and watching eagerly as Lou untied the flowers from the parcel.

"Wah, the flowers, so pretty. I wonder what they are," Felix tilted his head in wonder.

"Marigolds," Lou blinked and said, without even having time to process the thought that seemed to come out of her so quickly it couldn't of possibly been really her. How did she know that?

"How did you know that?" Jeongin seemed impressed.

"I actually don't know," Lou shrugged, feeling impressed herself as she placed the parcel onto her lap and began unwrapping it excitedly. Maybe it was a gift from family or a friend that would give her more information on who she actually had support from other than the boys and some staff in this universe.

Her excitement and curiosity soon dulled down when she realised what was inside the parcel. She felt her heart break, and her eyes welled up without her cognition, struggling to keep her cool as she had nowhere to hide.

"Hey, hey, what's the matter?" Chan sat up from his sunken spot on the sofa when he saw the tears in her eyes and Hyunjin and Seungmin looking shocked and appalled at the same time.

"Garfield..." Lou sadly trailed off shoving the open parcel on the table and rushing off to her room to try and make sense of her emotions.

"I'll go after her," Minho frowned at the contents of what once was the sentimental cat plushie gifted by Lou's dead mother.

The boys knew how much this would hit their sun. The toy that was the only thing she had left from her mother, and it had been cruelly ripped apart, stuffing hanging out and over the few seams that were still intact. Such effort and care to go into a meticulously wrapped parcel when there was a chaotic wreck inside.

<-- previous chapter next chapter -->

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tagged: @akitfffr @aeinzzzketchup @linoalwaysknows @royal-shinigami @jolly04 @turtledove824 @yangbbokari @thisrandomgoofy15 @lieslab @hannamoon143

a/n so sorry it's been a long time since I've updated this series, but I feel like I've got a good direction for it now and I'm excited to share it with you all :)

[tae-rhymeswithslay]

TMNT: COLOR CODED Casey Jones

colorcoded au by @camilieroart

im so sorry, it doesn’t really look like him, but I tried 😭. I chose a skating pose, but it took me wayy too long to realize that none of the official drawings of Casey have him in skates, so i just followed those. I also tried to combine his normal clothes with his battle outfit bc i just couldn’t decide which one to draw him in

I literally have SO much to say about this Casey! this little rant is probably gonna go on for way too long lol (feel free not to read)

props to @camilieroart for writing this amazing au bc ive been obsessed ever since i saw it in passing on instagram.

Casey has always been my favorite tmnt character. Ever. Hands down. There was something about him that I just adored. As a kid and even now. That being said, finding a version of Casey that was so much like me was like an early Christmas. I was already sucked in to the AU since like, last year when I found it for the first time. But I only recently read through Casey’s backstory and found out that he was korean, which only made me double down on how much I loved his character in Colorcoded.

(I really hope this next part doesn’t come off as narcissistic, its really just me full of admiration for this character and AU)

It was incredible to see a version of my favorite character like EVER (not even joking) that looked a lot like me and came from a background a lot like mine. Beyond just his skin tone being dark and matching mine (which I think I commented about already) this Casey seriously feels like looking into a mirror of myself from a few years ago. Both visually and mentally. It’s refreshing to see Korean characters that aren’t reduced to the asian standards of beauty, but still look like their ethnicity, because we absolutely DO exist. From my darker skin color to even my wide nose shape which I share with this Casey, I was told constantly as a kid (by other koreans mind you) that I didn’t ‘look korean enough’. So it’s nice to see those features that made me so insecure growing up presented in someone I admired during that same period of time. Even Casey’s hair looks so much like the cut I had/was forced to get (lol) growing up, down to the M shaped bangs. Though I wasn’t allowed to grow out my hair like Casey has in the back, it was something I always wanted to do as a kid. I even got into ice skating BECAUSE of Casey, like, I adore him so so much.

Though I’m lucky enough to have a family much healthier than Casey’s, I still found myself relating a lot to him in terms of his Korean-American identity. Growing up, my parents wanted me to learn as much English as possible as opposed to Korean, but they switched mindsets when it came to my younger sister (Yeah! i’ve also got a younger sister too, and by just EXTREME coincidence, she also has a similar sounding name Hae-in 해인) so she speaks a lot more Korean than I do. I still struggle a little bit when speaking conversational Korean, even though it’s technically my ‘first’ language lol. My family even calls me by my english name and my sister by her Korean name. I’m not sharing my legal name online, but i’ve got the same deal as Casey where I’ve got an English legal name, but also an unofficial korean name which was REALLY surprising to read, because literally none of my korean friends have the same name situation. Beyond little nit-picky things (that don’t even count as mistakes, really) in his conversations with his sister, you got the Korean conversations down really well (like, the cadence and grammar and stuff, idk how to explain it, but it really sounds like a conversation i might’ve had with my little cousins, just translated)

TLDR: i absolutely ADORE this Casey and I see just SO much of myself in him. He is wonderfully written as a character and you nailed his korean-american identity to a T (according to me and my personal experiences at least)

SORRY FOR THE RANT

:)

[eldstunga]

Hi! I really love your art! The lines are so bold but the colours so natural that it feels distinct but grounded?? I'm obsessed with the shapes in your work

I was wondering if you had any advice for drawing bodies? Whenever I try it either my proportions are off or an arm ends up looking like a calf or something.

First of all, thank you <3 That's so nice and I think "lines bold, colours natural" is some truly aspirational words to say about my art, I'll strive to be what you say I am <3 I do not, unfortunately, have any great tips on drawing bodies - it's a very wide topic and fundamentally just really bloody hard. I fail horribly 9 times out of 10. How to approach it I think varies a lot with like...HOW you are struggling, and who you are as a person. For proportions and anatomy there are definitely books to look at, and some rules of thumb that can help you - anything from "the shoulders are about 2.5-3 heads wide" through "feet are the same length as the forearm", "elbows are in line with the navel and the navel is two sternums down" etc etc. For me, realising just how big the ribcage actually is and learning how to use that as a unit of measure was a big event (the torso is about two ribcages long). Look at references, Draw over low opacity references and try to look for patterns that help YOU. Like... "Hm, do the shoulders line up with something useful?"

Having a good ref model to double check things helps too. The pen is pointing to about the bottom of the ribcage. But there's also stuff like maybe you're getting too hung up on construction and then it might help more to try to draw from references by ONLY blocking in a silhouette first. This helps me sometimes still:

Or you could be like me, struggle with all of the above and then some - like how to make poses look natural and/or dynamic? Weight distribution is a whole other topic.. gah, it never ends, but it's fun to learn.

Lastly, this took me way too long to realise and I think it should be said: Do not fret too much about STUDYING. The unfair thing is that the better you are at something, the better you will be at actually learning from doing studies and exercises or reading books. We accept this with many other disciplines and sports but rarely art. Mileage is king, and mileage is best gained from having fun and enjoying what you do. If you find studies suffering and frustrating you're probably better off just drawing what you enjoy and fuck it if it isn't "pushing your boundaries" or whatever. Eventually you'll get to the point where studies start to give more than they take, and then you're home free. I'm not gonna recommend a billion resources you likely won't enjoy but here are some things I genuinely found helpful lately: * a physical anatomy model, they're pricy and not necessary but being able to just look at it every now and then, turn it over etc helps. * The "Morpho" series of books, they do not teach anatomy, but they are very useful quick reference books and much more easily digested than most anatomy material. Just try to find a real anatomy book to read once your appetite is up as well.

The zig-zag/Lightning bolt method for arms and legs, fuckin' thing revolutionised how I sketch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCkmB030GpQ

Gottfried Bammes "The Complete guide to Anatomy for Artists and Illustrators" This thing is insane, it's from the 50's and like 600 pages long. You could absolutely kill someone with it, but a lot of the pages are more philosophical or art history you can skip and despite its age and fear factor this dude writes in a witty, clever and just wonderful way that I've seen nowhere else. Fantastic photos. By far, FAR the best anatomy book I've ever seen. It's not a book I'd recommend for someone starting out, I would not have been able to digest it like four years ago, but once you get to a certain point it's amazing.

That's a lot, uhhh, feel free to ask me for more specific tips this was a bit of a rant. Hope some of it was useful!

[kimmiessimmies]

Make this night count...

"Look at all the colours! Isn't it pretty, James?"

"Very. The view is great from up here."

"It was a good idea to book this room for tonight."

"I'm full of good ideas."

"We have made things difficult for her this year, haven't we, James?"

"For whom, lovely?"

"Our author. This. Us. It was never part of her plan, was it?"

"No, but, haven't we also made things great for her?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Well, we've made things great for us, either way, Sade."

"Cheers to that, lovely."

"Sade..."

"Hmm...?"

"You wouldn't let me kiss you under the mistletoe because of where it might lead, but... since we're here now... Will you let me kiss you for New Year's?"

"Umm... No, I don't think so...

"Oh... Sorry..."

"I'm not going to let you kiss me for New Year's, James, because I'm going to kiss you first."

"Wha..."

"Happy New Year, you."

"Happy New Year, my girl..."

......

....

...

"James?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think she'll let us be together in the new year?"

"We'll have to see, love... Let's make this night count while we're here..."

My dear followers,

This year has been very... intense... for me. I already wrote a long post about my mental health struggles, which put a huge stamp on my year. However, 2023 will also forever be the year I went back to my Sims, back to my stories, and back to Tumblr.

I spent five years away. Both because real life took over and because I had gotten into a rut with my Sims and the story. I never forgot them, though, and never stopped loving them. And suddenly, somewhere in February, it clicked. Everything fell into place, and I knew where I wanted to go with it all. In fact, it was this boy up here, my dearest James, who pulled me back. His story was suddenly clear as day to me. But how to begin? So, in March, I decided to just start writing. Then, I dusted off my game, found that all shortcuts and cheats were apparently in my muscle memory, and started shooting pictures to go with what I had written. And once I got going, I didn't stop. Everything I wrote in 2023 (and that's a lot!) even if it seemed unrelated, was geared towards James's story and the big moment that still lies ahead. However... As I've emphasised several times by now, I didn't account for this girl... So now it's like James said, "We'll have to see."

Coming back to my story brought me so much this year; I went from gameplay-based to story-based and found out how much I truly LOVE writing and how much it helps me, especially now that I'm going through rough times. Encouraged and inspired by someone dear to me, my story gained a title and came to Tumblr in full. I learnt to not only accept the benefits of poses, but how incredibly enhancing they can be to bring my ideas to life when used right. I reconnected with old contacts and made new connections too, some of whom proved to be true friends outside of this Tumblr/Sims world too. I've loved getting caught up on the stories I used to follow and discovering new ones. I've been amazed at how good CC has become in five years and pleasantly surprised to see there's still a good crowd playing TS3 in addition to the great things some of you are doing with TS4. All of this has been bright spots in my darkness.

And now we're entering 2024. I hope it will be light and bright for all of us. May the good days outnumber the bad ones and may we continue to feel the joy these little pixel-people bring us. Happy New Year to you and yours.

Much love. ❤️

-Kim

P.s. I know, I know; Some of you are now very disappointed you didn't get to see James and Sadie "making the night count." Just for all of you filthy animals I have one more post in this non-canon series set to go. Be forewarned; this one is very NSFW (And Not Suitable To View At New Year's Parties With Lots Of People Around) and will be labelled mature. I also have a sneaking suspicion it'll take Tumblr about 3 seconds to take it down, so I have an alternative post with Pillowfort link waiting in the wings. Going live as the the New Year hits where I am, at midnight GMT+1. See them making the night count by clicking here!

[dearchloe]

seventh daughter

All characters are 18+

She came back for me on my eighteenth birthday, and I watched from my bedroom window as she crossed the moor, her long staff in her left hand and her black cloak whipping in the wind.

It wasn't a common profession for women. Anything too closely aligned with things that went bump in the night was a bad idea, generally, if you wanted to avoid accusations of witchcraft. A sad irony for the people who spent their lives fighting against dark magic across the whole of the countryside.

She didn't knock at the door, but opened it and walked straight in, as was the custom. Mum and Dad were already in the kitchen in any case, wearing their Sunday best and sharing the kind of long silences which said more than any conversation could. They'd done all the talking that they had to do in any case, with long arguments that stretched on through the night and into the early hours whilst I lay in bed with the covers over my head, not daring to move too much in case they realised I was still awake.

I was their way of settling a debt, paying off a bill incurred before I was born — a ghost, removed from our barn twenty years ago, not by the woman now banging the farmhouse door behind her but by her predecessor, or even her predecessor's predecessor.

It wasn't a profession with a long lifespan, either. Which was presumably why they had to resort to unconventional ways of filling their ranks.

The murmur of voices rose up to me through the floorboards, and I stood, looking at myself in the small stained mirror which was all I had been able to scavenge for my bedroom, and not recognising the face that looked back at me.

Seventh sons of seventh sons, seventh daughters of seventh daughters. Those were the rules, and one more reason that the men and women in black cloaks who held the line against the forces of darkness struggled to recruit new members.

Which had posed my parents a problem, because, eighteen years ago, the midwife had handed me to my mother and she'd found that to her six sons and three daughters, she'd added a fourth daughter.

They were honest people, by and large, but there were limits to how far they were prepared to go in settlement of their debts, and evidently I was the limit. Unfortunately, being neither a seventh son nor, exactly, a seventh daughter, I wasn't even eligible for the profession to which I was being sacrificed. But evidently that was a problem for me to deal with, and fairly imminently at that.

"Casper!" my mother's voice came up the stairs. "Casper, can you come down?"

I took a breath, eyed my weirdly shorn reflection for one last time — God, I was missing my hair — and went down the stairs.

Miss Charles was sitting at the table with a cup of tea in front of her while my parents sat, hands folded on the table, not quite making eye contact with her or with each other. It took me a minute to recognise the cup, but I suddenly realised it was one of the ones my mother had inherited from Gran and kept shut in the kitchen dresser every day, except for Christmas, when we were allowed to use them under strict instructions not to cause any damage. For some reason I couldn't quite put my finger on, it sent a hot flash of anger through me.

It was the first time I'd seen her up close, without her hood, and she was younger than I'd expected. Though I wasn't sure why, I'd always thought of those people as being elderly — now that I came to think of it, few of them survived into middle age. At a guess, Miss Charles was in her twenties, and surprisingly pretty in the wan November light filtering through the kitchen window. I took a deep breath and did my best to remember that I was supposed to be a boy as I strode across the kitchen and held out my hand to her.

Striding wasn't something I'd tried before, and I wasn't convinced that I'd made a success of it, from the way she looked at me, but she did take my hand and shake it with a grip that told me, if I hadn't known already, that this was not a woman to be trifled with.

"Well, Master Jackson. You're to come with me, I hear." Her eyes were blue and piercing, and I shifted a little uncomfortably before her gaze.

"Mister Jackson." I did my best to sound assertive. "I'm eighteen today."

"Indeed." She sipped her tea, and I tried not to show my relief as her eyes dropped away from mine. "They call you Casper?"

"Cass."

Normally, it was short for Cassandra, but I was going to have to get used to the change.

"Cass," she repeated. "Are you ready?"

"I've packed a bag."

"Good. Best go and get it, then."

In an awkward silence, I returned upstairs and collected the neat leather bag from the end of my bed. By the time I was back in the kitchen, Miss Charles was gone, visible by the gate through the open kitchen door, and my parents were standing uncomfortably by the fireplace. I shook hands with my dad, hugged my mum, muttered a few empty promises about writing letters and visiting, and then I was walking down the path towards my future.

Somehow, I couldn't seem to realise that this was me leaving home, the noisy chaos of my siblings and parents, the farmyard and the stream, the milkman calling each morning and the sound of the church bells in the village. It was probably for the best.

"Well, Mister Jackson," she greeted me as I reached the gate. "Ready?"

"Yes, miss."

"Splendid." She gave me a brief nod, raised her hood, and set off in the opposite direction to that from which she'd come. I paused for a moment, then, on the basis that she ought to know where she was going, I followed her.

"Question?"

"Not exactly," I puffed. Her stride was longer than it looked, and she was clearly used to walking long distances quickly. I was certainly not unfit after a lifetime of farm chores, but my boots were heavy and so was my bag, and this sort of walking was something new to me. I was quickly to realise that the leisurely countryman's stride would have no place in my new career. "I was just thinking... Wondering, I mean. Don't you live the other way?"

"I do." She nodded to me, the rise and fall of her staff not slowing. "But we've got a little job to do in the village before we set off that way, and you might as well know what you're going to be in for."

"Oh, I see." After that, I fell silent, all too glad to give my energy to keeping up with Miss Charles' pace, and it seemed a very short time later that we were coming to a stop in front of the vicarage.

The local priest was a kind enough man, as far as I knew, but he was also decidedly fierce when he felt inclined, and I'd been on the wrong side of him often enough to be nervous in his presence. I kept slightly behind my new mentor, therefore, as we made our way up to the front door, and I stayed there as she waited, leaning on her staff a little more heavily than perhaps she should have needed to given her youth. When the door opened at last, I relaxed a little; it was only the priest's elderly housekeeper standing there, a cloth in one hand, and with an expression on her face which I would soon come to recognise — the mixture of relief and dread that Miss Charles and all her colleagues (and, I supposed, me now) inspired in their clients.

"Oh, miss, I'm that glad to see you!" she exclaimed, stepping to one side and ushering us inside. "It's not what the master would like, I know, and I'm sorry for that, but he will go away, and what am I to do, I'd like to know? I can't put up with such goings-on, not until he gets back, and with no one closer than Father Woodward at Shepridge, and him not a well man..."

Miss Charles threw back her hood as she passed through into the hallway, and I noted how the light caught the reddish tint of her hair as I followed her, a little awkwardly, into the house. "I'm sure you've done the right thing, Mrs Gamp. But it's probably best for us to be alone now. This is our business. Is there somewhere you could stay?"

The housekeeper hovered, wringing her hands. "I could go to my sister. She's just at the other end of the village. But I don't know that I ought to, I'm not sure that the master..."

"It would really be best." She didn't speak more loudly or sharply than before, but there was a tone in her voice that demanded to be obeyed, and Mrs Gamp was powerless to resist it. Ten minutes later, we had the house to ourselves, and I was following in Miss Charles' footsteps as we made our way through the rooms, though I wasn't quite sure of what we were looking for. Suddenly, she came to a stop — so suddenly, in fact, that I nearly walked into the back of her.

"Do you feel that?"

I concentrated hard. All I felt was hungry, and somehow I didn't think that was what she had in mind, so I shook my head. She looked vaguely disappointed.

"I was hoping you'd sense it. Not sure how I'll teach you; it's always been an instinct for me. Never mind, though, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. It's a sort of... cold tingling."

Again, I shook my head.

"Well, never mind. What that tells you, Mister Jackson, is that there's a ghost in this house. And what are we going to do about it?"

I hazarded a guess. "An exorcism?"

"Oh, no, no. That's what priests do — and most of them are no good at it, either. Don't put your faith in exorcisms, boy. Never trust anything that's more about ritual than hard work. No, we're just going to talk to it."

"Talk to it?"

"That's right. But it won't be along for a while yet. Get some sleep while you can."

I didn't think I'd be able to sleep, and I didn't realise that I had until I was rudely awoken by a feeling like a sudden cold breeze down the back of my neck. I turned over on the hard floor, to find Miss Charles already on her feet with her staff in her hand. She gave me a grim smile, and I scrambled up to join her, looking slightly wildly around the room.

I couldn't see anything at all, and I'd just turned back to my mentor to tell her so when a voice spoke from right behind me.

Let me go, it seemed to say.

And I screamed, and wet myself.

[tinyidle]

Can you do a part two of For the Memories with Dom Yuqi + Strap on?

༻༻༻𝖽𝖺𝗒 𝗍𝗁𝗋𝖾𝖾 3 𝗈𝖿 𝗆𝗈𝗆𝗆𝗒!𝗆𝖺𝗒༺༺

hope you enjoy this! and for all the people who were bullying me about another gidle fic, especially you 'userabcxyz', if you don't read and give this fic notes i swear i will.. cry 🥺/j

Stay Focused - SYQ

wc: 1.8k

WARNING: filthy filthy smut, modeling au, friends-with benefits, rough sex, degradation, facesitting, strap-on usage, scissoring, throat fucking, b!g d¡ldo, mommy!yuqi, meandom!yuqi, insatiable!yuqi, sub!reader, dumb!reader, fem reader, fiction ofc

꒦꒷︶︶꒦꒷︶︶︶꒦︶︶꒷꒦

you were asked to help yuqi with phototaking for her magazine shoots. usually she does it alone, but because of your previous encounter regarding a camera, she invited you to one of her shoots for the day.

you, however, couldn't focus as she kept posing in what you considered suggestive poses. with each and every pose suggestion the head photographer showed her, yuqi would somehow jut her hips more, accentuate her legs, and basically pop out her figure. before long, your body had betrayed you and you lost all control. when everyone was taking a five-minute break, you decided to greet the older girl with a kiss on the lips, much to her surprise as she yelped. when you heard your name being called, you immediately pulled away from her.

"what the fuck, man?" yuqi yelled out to you, clearly annoyed from the lipstick smudge on her now pink-stained lips and cheek. "i need you to take help me take pictures for instagram, not get me all messy."

your face reddened once reality sunk in. you realized what you just did. this was supposed to be a favor for your friend. you were supposed to be professional. this wasn't supposed to be something as casual as having sex. "im sorry, yuqi," you swiftly apologized, wiping the smeared gloss off your dry lips. "but you looked too good. you know how distracted i get seeing you. i just couldn't resist." the woman remained unamused as you took out a wipe from your purse and gently removed the smudge of taint from her lips and cheek.

although she was angry at you ruining her makeup, yuqi smirked as she devised a plan. "okay, how about this. if you can compose yourself for the rest of the shoot, when we finish and head to my place, ill reward you. how does that sound?" immediately you nodded, liking the sound of that idea. however, that wasn't enough. "how does that sound, baby?" you blushed deeply before looking down and replying

"yes mommy."

"okay," yuqi confirmed, a wide smile on her beautiful face. "now point that camera on me and stay focused so we can get out off here."

hours passed, yet it seemed like eternity before the shoot finally was over. over time you were soaking your panties more and more as the head photographer suggested even more raunchy poses, as well as the makeup team making her face even sexier than you could ever imagine. once the shoot was thankfully over, you and yuqi went out to eat before going to her place.

yuqi's dorm was big, despite her technically not living alone. when you got in and went to sit down on the couch nearby, yuqi stopped you. "let's go to my room so that i can reward you, hmm?" you nod almost absentmindedly, allowing the taller girl to lead you to her room. yuqi sighed, "speak baby, or else you get no reward."

you gained your voice back to reply to her the best way you could. "yes mommy," you nodded again. yuqi nodded and took your hand.

once inside her room, yuqi sat down on the bed and patted the comforter. "come here, my dirty little girl." when you sheepishly walked over to her, she wrapped her arms around you, pulling you to her lips as she kissed you hungrily. you moaned into her mouth as she lead you both up to stand. it had been a while since you last tasted her, and your hunger was strong.

"mmmm," you hummed in her mouth. after some lovable making out, your friend turned a bit aggressive, pushing you against the wall as she kissed you harder, you struggling to gain consciousness of what was going on. once you finally realized what was happening, your and her clothes were discarded, and you were both back on the bed with her cunt on top of your nose. you were laid underneath her, her core dripping with need. she, however, stayed poker-faced.

as yuqi pulled herself from your lips, she instructed, "put that tongue of yours to good use. i want to feel your warm tongue between my legs again." you obeyed, unable to form words at first before murmuring out a 'yes mommy'. soon enough, her cunt started gushing onto your tongue as she came in your mouth with an audible sigh. as much as you tried to focus on cleaning her slit, her clit kept rubbing against your nose. after a minute of chasing her cunt, you gave up on cleaning her up, releasing a frustrated breath as you pushed yuqi's legs away from each side of your head. yuqi didn't like this, so to her much disappointment, she smacked your thigh. you cried out as she scolded you, "no one told you to stop. now clean me up or else i'll punish you for not following instructions."

you followed through, licking yuqi's cunt clean before sucking her clit into your mouth. although yuqi was caught her off guard by you latching your mouth onto her, she stayed unnerving, only shuddering when she came again. after you did what she wanted and then some, you lay still as yuqi climbed off your face, you knowing that you'll be rewarded now. your eyes fell on the corner of the room that had yuqi's black strap-on laying across it. yuqi noticed you staring at the toy also and smiled. "after tonight, you'll owe me, hm?" you nodded mutely, mouthing a 'fuck me mommy' before smiling widely.

"fuck, i love you," yuqi groaned before picking up the thick toy. she then ordered you to lick the entire length of the dick, savoring the taste of the soft, stark rubber. you sank your mouth onto it, gagging once the tip of it hit your throat. you only had half of it in your small mouth. "that's it," yuqi encouraged you, slowly thrusting the toy in and out of you. "make this dick nice and wet. got to make sure you get it all lubed up for your greedy pussy to take, right baby?" you only hummed in delight as the toy felt more and more slick by the thickness of your saliva on it.

after wetting the strap, you gave it to yuqi, who swiftly wrapped the harness part of it around her hips. you pushed yourself back on the bed, your exposed cunt wet enough to take anything she would give you. once yuqi tightened and secured the harness, she sat on the edge of the bed where you were, pushing the black dildo against your clit. you whimpered slightly, looking up at yuqi. "lie on your back, baby," she instructed, and you did so, propping your legs up a bit.

she spread your thighs open and positioned the dick towards your core, the head already being covered by your juices on it. without hesitation, yuqi sank the entire toy inside you, groaning loudly. "god, you're tight. i hope it doesn't hurt." it didn't hurt at all, however, as you gasped in pleasure from the cock opening you up.

just as you couldn't hold back from kissing her in the magazine shoot, you couldn't hold back moans from the immense intrusion onto your core. as your cunt was getting streched more and more, your exclamation grew incessantly louder. this did not go well with yuqi, with her smacking your breasts. you sobbed at the stinging feeling. "if you don't shut up, i might end up making you scream when i actually start fucking you." you continued whining until she put a finger on your lips. you relaxed under her finger and quickly stopped. "now, stay focused as mommy rewards you."

yuqi thrusted in and out of you slowly at first. with each pass of her cock, you writhed your hips, moaning softly. yuqi then increased the speed of her thrusting until eventually you began shouting yuqi's name. no sooner had you did, yuqi grabbed your cheeks and forced your face towards her own sexy one, her leaning forward so that your noses touched at the tips. she impaled you further and further with each slam of her hips, you throwing your head back each time. it felt like she was ripping you apart and reconstructing you back together again. every. single. time.

in little to no time, you could feel yourself approaching your climax. you didn't want it so soon, however. "wait, i don't want to cum yet." no answer. "no, mommy please!" still no answer. "ugh, yuqiiiii!" you called out to her, a little frustrated. you screamed out yuqi's full name at this point, yet she silenced you, forcing your mouth shut as she lowered herself to suckle on your breasts. you arched your back as the dam that held your juices back broke, with you effectively squirting on her.

yuqi stopped for a while, making sure you catch your breath. when she decided it was safe to continue, yuqi shoved the strap deeper into you and drove her hips impossibly forward, connecting her pelvis with yours like glue. this is when you really cried out loud, profusely cumming hard again. when you were deep into euphoria, yuqi leaned down to bite your neck lightly as she pulled out of your now spent cunt. when she took off the silicon toy back in its rightful spot on the mattress, she turned you on your side. when you looked up, yuqi smiled. "ready to continue?"

you knew exactly what she meant. yuqi would reward you even more; spoil you. that thought spurred you to regain your strength, even though you didn't know if it was going to be enough. you were tired, and yuqi didn't seem to be close to finished. that is until you remembered she said that you owed her. "uh-huh," you nodded weakly.

once yuqi let you gain more stamina, she demanded, "lay down." she moved the comforter around you so that you were now nestled in its middle. she then made you lie down on the pillows. once you did, she knelt between your legs, putting her hands on either side of your chest, positioning her core on your dripping lips as she took the strap back in her hand. "open your mouth, slut."

whimpering from the insulting name, but loving it, you opened wide as yuqi wasted no time sliding her strap-on inside your throat. "good girl," yuqi complimented. she began moving her hand back and forth, gradually increasing the pace of her thrusts inside your mouth. you started bucking your hips upwards, making your lover moan loud as her pace picked up more and more, with her once stilled hips moving as quick as her hand.

it wasn't long until your breathing became heavier and both your orgasms intensified before spilling over, your body moving in rhythm with yuqi's. once you were done, yuqi rolled off you, still panting heavily. "that was hot. you've earned yourself another reward," yuqi announced.

the next thing you know, you were on your back, yuqi's hand reaching for her phone nearby, and a camera flash went off to your now spent body.

[casual-praxis]

“These people seriously aren’t getting it.”

It's Blue! Blue in the Slime Rancher AU! Took me long enough to get to him, but he's here now--and he may or may not be covered in water. Posing is my worst enemy, lemme tell ya. I have two different versions of the same outfit just because I struggled with posing him in character.

He takes some obvious cues from the puddle slimes, but rest assured he's still the same Blue we probably know and love. And by that I mean he's still got a temper. Puddle slimes could never. I also intended for him to have some saber slime inspiration in there as well, but it mostly just manifests as really sharp teeth. Might tweak that in the future.

As per usual, more notes below the cut! :D

+ Blue (and Green) were the last to show up on the shared ranch. Despite arriving together, Blue and Green had only met right before going into stasis sleep on the shuttle. It was just more convenient to send them together.

This resulted in the two being closer to each other in the beginning, though Blue would heavily deny it. Green naturally just gravitated towards Blue as the only other new person there.

+ Speaking of Green, it was his idea for Blue to build an area of his own attached to the mini-Moss Blanket Green was working on. Kinda like a neighbor's situation. Except they still lived together, and Blue was refusing to acknowledge their friendship at that point.

+ Blue is one of the few people fond of the kookadoba fruit. At some point, once he arrives, Ogden (an in-game NPC) trades a few to the Rainbow Ranch through the Ranch Exchange, and Blue ends up demanding to know where to find them.

Blue and Ogden both explore The Wilds in pursuit of the kookadoba fruit, up until Ogden eventually gets to the point where it's too much for him, so a deal is opened between them. Blue continues to collect the fruit, and half of what he finds is traded to Ogden in exchange for spicy tofu. These two are unlikely friends.

+ Blue is the only one who actually knows how to cook, so keeping the others from starving falls to him. It starts out begrudgingly, like, "You guys live like this?? Here, let me show you what you're missing out on so you can cry about it." And then it just goes from there.

Red and Shadow may or may not have laid the praise on thick to keep him cooking for them, but shh, he doesn't have to know. He'll fight anyone who goes into the kitchen now anyway, so clearly, it can't be helped.

+ He has quite a few puddle slimes. They just naturally gravitate towards him when he's nearby, and he's not able to turn them away no matter what he says. Shadow has dubbed him, "The Puddle King," and regularly refers to him that way when talking about him on stream.

Puddles slimes are what got Blue to actually consider staying on the ranch. They need meticulous care and attention, but with Vio's help, he's pretty much perfected the art of taking care of them.

+ Blue only wears one glove so he can make contact with his slimes directly. They respond better that way and rough fabric stresses them out. From what he's discovered, they like smooth textures, like skin.

+ He tries so hard to pretend he doesn't care about the others, but he's not fooling anyone. He fistfought a tarr once because it was trying to attack Shadow (influences will be influences lmao), and that's not to mention all the times he's patched up Red after an explosion, or dragged Vio out of his lab to eat or sleep.

Green teases him relentlessly about it.

+ He doesn't talk much about his family, but from what he has said, the others get the vibe he doesn't like them. All they know is that he's out there with them because of some deal regarding inheritance. The details are unknown, and he'd like to leave it that way.

(Bonus: here's that alternate pose I was talking about. You can't see the little bubble keychain or his pouch ((full of medical supplies and one rubber duck)), but they are still intended to be there.)

(His design might be subject to change, I'm not sure how happy I actually am with it yet.)

[littlest-w01f]

Chapter Eleven

Series Masterlist

Cw: None

By the time Rheana returned to the townhouse, the sun was high overhead, casting long shadows across the cobblestone streets. Her attire was dishevelled from her encounter with the dead general, but her eyes glowed with satisfaction and triumph. Azriel was waiting for her at the entrance of their home, worry etching lines onto his handsome face.

"Are you alright?" he asked immediately, concern lacing each word. He reached out a hand towards her, holding her by her waist, pulling her into the chambers, noting her hands covered in blood.

A smile formed on her face despite what she had done, perhaps because of it, since using her powers energized her in mere seconds. Rheana nodded slowly, taking a moment to catch her breath before speaking. "As good as can be expected," she replied quietly, pushing past him into the house. She made her way straight to the kitchen, needing something strong to drink.

Azriel followed close behind, watching her every move with a protective eye. "What happened? Did you get what you needed?" His voice was steady, not showing any of his feelings. But his shadows that tried to reach for her told her plenty of how nervous he was, wanting to make sure that she was alright

Rheana poured herself a glass of whiskey, gulping it down in one swift motion. The alcohol burned her throat, but it felt good, numbing the edges of her sanity. The burn felt good, a welcome sensation after the darkness she had delved into. "I got what I needed," she confirmed, pouring herself another glass. "The bastard knew nothing about the invasion plans, but he spilled plenty about the Cauldron's location, the king of Hybern has it, along with the feet."

"You should've seen his face when I brought him back," she said, a hint of amusement colouring her voice. "Pure terror. It was exquisite."

Azriel watched her pour another glass, this time allowing her to fill it to the brim before setting it down on the counter. He stepped closer, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. "You're sure you're okay?" he asked again, concern evident in his voice.

Rheana sighed, the surge of power rushing in her blood, "Yes, I'm more than okay..." Rheana sipped the straight whiskey, "The power isn't too much anymore."

Azriel's brows furrowed slightly at her words, sensing the subtle shift in her demeanour. He knew all too well the struggles she had faced in mastering her abilities, the danger they posed if left unchecked. "That's good to hear," he said, attempting to sound reassuring. "But remember, we're always here to help you manage it." He gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze before stepping back, giving her space to process her experience. "Now, tell me more about this general. What did you learn?"

"Hybern has the Cauldron, and the legs from the temples where they were hidden," Rheana took her glass and took a seat across the couch, her back rested against on armrest and her legs hanging off the other.

Azriel's brow furrowed, his shadows rubbing small circles on her shoulder. "Are you good?" he asked softly, his gaze searching hers for any sign of distress. "Remember, you don't have to handle everything alone. We're here for you, always."

Rheana looked up at him, her eyes meeting his, she knew he meant himself and his shadows. She set the glass down, turning to face him fully. Her hand slid up his chest, her fingers tracing the lines of his muscles, her darkness playing with his shadows. "I know," she whispered, her voice husky with want. "And I appreciate it. But sometimes, the darkness inside me needs to be fed, and there's no one better suited to do that than myself."

Azriel sighed slightly, feeling her power through him, "Your darkness doesn't eat you alive anymore?" He asked softly, he was a shadowsinger, the dark sang to him the way it danced to her tunes, that's why they worked, as friends, as the benefits they shared centuries ago when they were young.

Rheana shook her head, her hair cascading around her shoulders. "No, it doesn't," she assured him. "It still craves, but it no longer consumes. And that's progress, right?"

For years now, ever since she had first begun to grasp the true extent of her powers. They had developed a peculiar symbiosis, Azriel providing a conduit for her darkness while she in turn kept his shadows in check. It was a delicate balance, one that required constant communication and understanding between them, but it worked. And so, as Rheana sat beside him now, her fingers trailing over his chest, he knew exactly what she wanted even before she spoke the words, shadows making arrangement for her to rest.

"And what would you need, Rhea?" He asked, his voice low and smooth as silk. His shadows coiled around her, eager to please her darkness, attracted to it after her extensive use of it, while his physical form remained relaxed, basking in the warmth of her touch.

"Sleep... I need to sleep." Rheana sighed, setting the empty glass of whiskey down.

As she slept, her mind wandered freely, creating vivid images and scenarios. In this particular dream, she found herself standing by the riverbank, looking at the young fae male, sitting by the riverside, his long flowing red hair catching the sunlight and making it glow like fire. His amber eyes were focused intently on the water, lost in thought.

He was dressed simply, his clothes made from the finest materials, yet worn and faded from countless days spent outdoors. His posture was relaxed, but there was an air of tension around him, almost as if he carried the weight of the world on his slender shoulders.

His skin was pale his hands were clasped tightly together, knuckles white with the force of his grip. Every once in a while, he would run a hand through his fiery mane, a nervous habit.

Despite his apparent solitude, there was a sense of loneliness surrounding him, a palpable aura of isolation. It seemed as though he was waiting for something, or maybe running away from something. Either way, he appeared to be deeply troubled, his thoughts far away from the serene surroundings.

His presence stirred something within Rheana, a feeling she couldn't quite place. A part of her yearned to approach him, to offer comfort or perhaps find solace in his company. Yet, there was also a sense of caution, a fear of disrupting his solitude.

As Rheana watched the young fae from afar, she felt an inexplicable pull towards him. It was as if their fates were intertwined, despite never having met. She could sense the turmoil brewing within him, the pain and sorrow etched onto his face.

A part of her wanted to reach out, to offer him the comfort and solace she knew he desperately craved. Yet, another part of her cautioned against it, fearing that her presence might only serve to disturb his fragile peace.

Despite the conflicting emotions swirling within her, Rheana found herself drawn closer, her footsteps silent on the grassy bank. She hesitated for a moment, her heart pounding in her chest, before finally taking a seat beside him, careful not to startle him.

As Rheana reached out to touch the fae's shoulder, her hand passed through him as if he weren't there. The sensation was jarring, leaving her momentarily disoriented. She pulled her hand back quickly, looking at it as if expecting to see some sort of evidence of her attempt. But there was nothing, just her own warm flesh, unmarked and untouched.

The fae didn't seem to notice her presence, remaining seated and seemingly unaware of her attempts to communicate with him. His focus remained fixed on the river, his troubled expression unchanged. Rheana's confusion grew, along with a hint of frustration.

Rheana woke up with a start, her heart racing and her skin drenched in sweat. She sat up abruptly, her dark surroundings slowly coming into focus. The room was shrouded in an inky blackness, her own personal brand of darkness seeping from every corner, coating the walls and furniture in its oppressive embrace. The air was heavy with the scent of smoke and decay, a tangible manifestation of her inner demons.

As she took in the sight of her room, Rheana felt a wave of unease wash over her. This was not normal. Her darkness usually stayed contained, a manageable part of her existence rather than an all-consuming entity.

With practiced ease, Rheana sat cross-legged on her bed, focusing on her breathing. Inhaling, she allowed the strange images from her dream to fill her mind. Exhaling, she pushed those thoughts aside, focusing instead on the calming rhythm of her own heartbeat. Again, she inhaled, feeling her power respond to her mental command. Exhaling, she felt the darkness recede, retreating back into the corners of her mind where it belonged.

After several cycles of this meditative practice, Rheana opened her eyes, feeling refreshed and renewed. Her mind was clearer, the oppressive darkness that had engulfed her room earlier now reduced to a mere shadow. The familiar pattern of her bedroom was restored, the comforting scents of lavender and vanilla filling the air once more.

With a satisfied sigh, Rheana stood up, stretching her arms above her head. She felt lighter, freer, as if the burden of her darkness had been temporarily lifted. She walked over to the window, pushing aside the curtains to reveal the moonlit night outside. The stars twinkled like diamonds against the inky blackness of space, a stark contrast to the darkness that lurked within her own soul.

As she gazed out at the celestial display, Rheana's mind wandered back to the dream she had experienced. The young fae with the fiery mane and amber eyes haunted her thoughts.

The following day, Rheana kept mostly to herself, preferring the quiet solitude of her own company over the hustle and bustle of court life. While Feyre and Rhysand ventured to The Prison to visit the bone carver.

The following day offered a much-needed respite from the chaos of the previous days, Rheana spent most of her time alone reading.

"Amren's right," Rhys drawled, as he returned with Feyre, to Rheana, Azrial, Cassian and Mor sitting around. "You are like dogs, waiting for me to come home. Maybe I should buy treats."

Cassian flipped him off from where he lounged on the couch his arm slung over the back behind Mor. There was a tightness to his muscles as he sat, waiting expectantly.

With a chuckle, Rheana set her book aside, leaning comfortably against Azriel as she listened to Rhysand recount his afternoon adventures. She rolled her eyes at his comment about being treated like a pet, but couldn't help the small smile that tugged at the corners of her lips. Cassian's antics brought a laugh from her, her amusement evident in the twinkle in her eyes. Rheana leaned against Azriel, Mor spoke, "How'd it go?"

"The Bone Carver," Rhysand scoffed, "Is a busybody gossip who likes to pry into other people’s business far too much."

Rheana snorted, "What else is new?"

"But?" Cassian asked, bracing his arms on his knees, wings tucked in tight.

"But, he can also be helpful, when he chooses. And it seems we need to start doing what we do best." Rhysand then told them everything, and Rheana added to it, with everything she had learned from the Hybern general.

"Wasn't the general dead?" Feyre whispered when Rheana did.

Rhysand smiled, "My dear sister practicies necromancy."

Rheana gave a shrug as if it was the most normal thing as Feyre gapped at her with an open mouth.

As the conversation continued, Rheana found herself growing increasingly intrigued by Rhysand's account of their visit to The Prison. She couldn't help but wonder what secrets the bone carver held. "I can't imagine anyone wanting to share their darkest secrets with him," she commented, shaking her head in disbelief.

After Rhysand was done, Azriel got up, "I'll contact my sources in the Summer Court about where the half of the Book of Breathings is hidden. I can fly into the human world myself to figure out where they’re keeping their part of the Book before we ask them for it."

"No need," Rhysand denied. "And I don’t trust this information, even with your sources, with anyone outside of this room. Save for Amren."

"They can be trusted," Azriel took his words as an insult on himself.

"We should not be taking risks here," Rheana rested her hand on his shoulder, rubbing gently to calm his tense shoulder.

Azriel paused, looking down at Rheana's touch, his shadows soothing, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He appreciated her gentle touch, the way she understood him without needing to say anything. "Thank you," he murmured, giving her shoulder a quick squeeze in return.

He turned back to Rhysand, his voice steady despite the tension that lingered in the room. "I understand. But I won't sit idly by while you risk yourself unnecessarily."

"I'm aware of that," Rhysand replied, his tone firm yet laced with a hint of warmth. "That's why you're my spymaster. Now, let's discuss how we're going to find the rest of the Book of Breathings."

With that, the discussion turned towards strategy and planning.

"So what do you have planned?" Mor cut in as Rhys picked ay his fighting leathers. When he lifted his head, his violet eyes were icy.

"The King of Hybern sacked one of our temples to get a missing piece of the Cauldron. As far as I’m concerned, it’s an act of war—an indication that His Majesty has no interest in wooing me." Rhysand's voice was cold, his gaze icy as he stared at nothing in particular.

"He likely remembers our allegiance to the humans in the War, anyway," Cassian spoke. "He wouldn’t jeopardize revealing his plans while trying to sway you, and I bet some of Amarantha’s cronies reported to him about Under the Mountain. About how it all ended, I mean."

"Then let us give him exactly what he wants." Rheana said, a dangerous edge creeping into her voice. "We'll take the fight to him. Starting with retrieving the Book of Breathing."

Then the discussion started, of how they would retrieve the halves of the books, one with Tarquin in the Summer Court, the other in the mortal realm with the Queens

{General Taglist - @nox-ceur @lilah-asteria @paleidiot @dee-writes-smut @adalia-jaycee @anarchiii @alwayshave-faith}

{Flames and Darkness Taglist- @anuttellaa @tuggboatfishin @inloveallthetime}

[fr-wiwiw]

well, to indulge myself i'm writing this post to ramble and share a bit of my Gahan barbarian!au. it's going to be a bit of a long post i think, we'll see.

i saw noel's post about their gladiator!yohan & prince!gaon (check it here!) and it makes me miss writing the arranged marriage barbarian!au i have, it only has what.. 3 or 4 chapters I think. you can read it here.

i've always been fascinated by the visuals of medieval, historical, period era. even post apocalyptic future settings like Horizon Zero games franchise.

i think i started au bcs i've played too much Assassin's Creed Valhalla— i haven't finished it yet, too preoccupied with Monster Hunter World— but i have sketched my female Eivor several times in my sketchbook. this was when i'm curious and interested enough to draw human but haven't fully grasped the gesture, anatomy, shapes and all. i usually draw what i take interest on and it helps me tremendously, to keep on learning and push through my frustrations.

and of course.. my Gahan brainrot picked it up. hence the barbarian!au for TDJ born

i have sketches of Gahan in this au, i think i've shared them here too but i'll re-share here. it doesn't catch many eyes, i admit it's a bit of a bummer but I like the idea anyway. I used to imagined them before I went to sleep, now it's idol/celeb!gaon x mysterious husband!yohan that's occupying my mind. but anyways! here are the sketches.

1st sketch is me trying to see his body proportion in viking/barbarian attire. the upper left sketch was me wanting to see modern Yohan stripping off his clothes ig haha.. anyways, between Gaon/Jinyoung and Yohan/Jisung, it's VERY difficult to nail down his face. less lines doesn't resembles him at all and add some more lines he looks too realistic to my simplified version of Gaon/Jinyoung. it was hard trying to find the balance for these characters to be in the same picture and look like they belong in the same style. i want to do Yohan/Jisung's pretty face justice but i still struggled in this sketches. i think this was 2021? 2022?

2nd sketch— his long protruding neck lmao i haven't fully grasped how a person can pose naturally but it came out as if he has turtle neck syndrome going on. well done Yohan! you are a turtle apparently according to my hand. all jokes aside, this was me attempting to paint his face bcs i never really attempted to paint gahan. i doodled and sketched more than i paint/rendering and i'm on my way to learn more of rendering daily if possible, alongside with my daily sketches. you can also see i've tried to give some color to his attire and some medallion or such. do you see a braid there? i will get there, the braid is something significant in this story ;)

3rd sketch is basically me planning out his character design as a barbarian/viking chief. you can see bits of references cuts here and there, took me quite some time bcs i just started to really try my hands on concept character design properly— i love cloaks and capes and vikings has exactly just that, and the winter times are especially my favorite type of attire on them so i thought why not give Yohan polar bear fur as his official formal attire while still flaunting his wonderful body to the world be it summer or winter lmao. here's where you know it's fantasy. i'm sure people back then drink ales and what not to keep their body warm so they can go bare-chested in winter even but i'm sure the day after that they will regret it. but i make Yohan and his clan to have special abilities for living in cold places. doesn't mean i don't make them wear winter attire but this is only bcs i want him to be bare-chested xD the one I post here was before i dabble on the sketch a bit more. hopefully one day i can share it again with more updates for this au.

now.. onto Gaon's sketches.

he's a Prince in this story. his parents, the King and the Queen, arranged a marriage for him for political reasons. but they have special reasons as to why they pick Yohan, aside from political purposes, to be their son's betrothed and gave him away to Yohan's barbarian clan.

1st sketch (ignore the upper left, that's Jinyoung from his other drama). i want to see him in medium and long hair length. there's a purpose to this. he has his canon Gaon hairstyle when he was the Prince in the palace. but with time and some adjustments living with Yohan and his barbarian clan rubs off on him. perhaps it's due to that, or he's grown tired to cut it off again and again (he has no one to groom him properly now unlike in the palace), practical reason is to maintain heat around his neck while in winter, or it's his idea of adapting and blending in with the enemy. you can't blame him for being wary. he's whisked away from his comfort place and home and married off to a fearsome and famous barbarian on the land at that time, almost willingly got raped by Yohan on 1st chapter (yes, you read that right). other reasons why he grows his hair, as i mentioned the culture rubs off on him, is something to do with the hair braiding too. and personal reason is that i want to see pretty Gaon in long hair lol

2nd sketch on the left was him on early days on Yohan's fur beddings. the right was him perhaps laughing out loud by some surprising and amusing thing Yohan said after living with him for some months, you can see the different hair length there. gosh he looks unalive in here lol idk why.. my sketches were still rigid here

3rd sketch is them after establishing a genuine intimate relationship and Yohan has to be away to fend off some unexpected visitors. unfortunately it cost Yohan some of his men's lives. but he made it back to his clan and his betrothed. i make it as if Gaon was anxious waiting for him and one of the barbarian shouted for Yohan's arrival and he ran immediately. lunged at Yohan perhaps, the barbarian Chief managed to catch him but didn't quite have the strength to carry them both upright as the weariness sinks into him post battle & adrenaline wearing off of him. he's home now, in Gaon's arms.

now.. the hair braiding.

barbarians/viking has long hair and braids on their hair. styled cascading down or up into a pony tail or a mohawk and such. idk if this is historically correct but i'm winging most of this anyway but the idea of braids in this story is that it's significant to lovers. it's a mark between special intimate relationship (like lovers, spouses, soulmates). one can have a braid or braid their lover's hair should they wish to, it's very intimate and special for them. jeweleries might have certain status symbol for them and their ranks but I also prefer these barbarians have something simple to symbolize their intimacy. something that can get overlooked but enough for their significant other to know (and some people) what it means.

I like the idea of Yohan having accessories for his attire but his hair is clean from braids. clearly it's saying something if you've read this far and seeing my sketches for their different stages of relationship. over the years of them finally developing feelings and genuinely established a relationship, despite already being married an Gaon almost got raped by Yohan, they are lovers.

yet Yohan never really initiates anything about him wanting to have braid(s) or braiding Gaon's hair. he might have explained about what braids are to Gaon when the bambi was curious or off-handedly commented something about it. Gaon really finds out the real meaning from Yohan's ppl and he wonders why Yohan never asks or wants braids from him. then he realizes Yohan has always been respectful to him, even years after that night he almost raped him. always keeping healthy distance, outside of their sex and other intimate physical affections, he usually waits until Gaon ask first regarding intimate things. not that he never initiates things, he figures something as serius and committed as this is something Gaon wants to have an option to bail out from. they were arranged to have marriage for political reasons after all, Gaon has the freedom to not have feelings for him as long as he stays within the wedding pact rules Yohan make with the King & the Queen ( for Gaon's sake too). He never expects to have feelings for the Prince and he always keeps the option of Gaon falling out of love of him one day. it is only fair, he thinks.

but then Gaon asks him if he wants Gaon to braid his hair. the Prince never ceases to make him falter. it still shocks and amuses him, to have someone have this much effect on him. even with nervousness and blushing state Gaon is in now after uttering those words.. Yohan wonders what he has done to have this kind of luxury to have someone this precious in his arms.

and if his people noticed a single braid just near the back of his neck when wind swept his hair or if he pulls his hair into a ponytail on hot summer days? they will all grin smugly.. Yohan likes to keep it a bit hidden from view mainly bcs it's practical and he doesn't want ppl to accidentally graze it off when he's having friendly wrestle matches or axe practices. or even having people cut it off when he's at war. he doesn't hide it per se, it's visible when it's visible. Gaon smiles sweetly and adoringly when he finds this out bcs to him, it feels as if Yohan is unconsciously protecting it. protecting their relationship, protecting Gaon.

and if Gaon walks out of Yohan's tent, that days when he asks if he can braid Yohan's hair, with a braid or several on his hair? visible to everyone? the people cheer and roar in celebration. they throw a huge feast and toast to their relationship, congratulating the power couple. wishing the gods to give these two their blessings and to protect them. they're finally able to see their Chief have a partner that is equal to him. it's a memorable day

but if you think this story doesn't come with heavy angst, tears, pain and betrayal.. well think again ;))

i will stop here. thankyou for reading! i hope i can pick up this au again in my drawings & writings

[blueesnow]

(3/6) Otori Eiichi's Private Story [Utapri Live Emotion]

Ch 1: (unlocked if you reached intimacy lvl 6 with Eiichi)

-Photographic Studio- Eiichi: So this is my standing position. The lightning…looks a little dim. Looks like it'll be much better if I hold the perfume with my right hand…hmm. Haruka: …Eiichi-san! Thank you for your hard work. Eiichi: Oh, Nanami Haruka. I heard that you'll be the one in charge for the CM's song. So you came here to observe huh. Haruka: Yes, I heard that you were having a visual photoshoot here. Congratulations on being appointed as an ambassador! Eiichi: Why thank you. I, for one, am honored to be entrusted with the role of a face of such a traditional brand. Eiichi: To think that the name of Ootori Eiichi will be recorded and engraved in the long history that has been passed down throughout the years. Just thinking about it gives me shivers! And with this, HE★VENS's name shall be spreading around… Eiichi: What's wrong, you had quite a look on your face. Were you having problems on your composing? Haruka: You can sense it huh… Truth to be told, I've been told to take a retake on the demo song that I sent before. Although they said the direction was already good, there's something quite off with it… Eiichi: …I see. Well then will you let me listen to that demo. (choices) <Please do!> Haruka: Please do! To think that I could hear the opinions of the cast members, especially from Eiichi-san…I would be very grateful. Eiichi: Such a greedy and optimistic attitude towards music itself… Very good, Nanami Haruka! Eiichi: Standing still will gain you nothing. Only those who can move forward shall be the one who reach the highest level. <I'm sorry to bother you> Haruka: I'd like you to listen to it… but somehow I kinda feel bad for bothering you. Since I've been to told to take a retake and all. Eiichi: It's still a demo right. There's no need for you to apologize since it's still an unfinished song. Eiichi: The hesitations and struggles that a composer faces along the way as they went to go and create a music… To be able to witness that is quite a blessing for myself. (back to story) Eiichi: You had the data on your phone, right? I'm going to listen to it here, so let me borrow it. Haruka: O-okay, here. Haruka: (I wonder what kind of feedbacks that he would make after listening to it. Oh no, I'm getting nervous…)

Ch 2: (unlocked if you reached intimacy lvl 11 with Eiichi)

-Photographic Studio- Eiichi: …Indeed, this won't do. Haruka: Right… I do feel that it's quite half-baked too. But is it because the tempo is bad…or maybe… Eiichi: Not only just the tempo, but the overall composition seems unbalanced. The strings are way too strong and it drowns out the goodness of the melody. Eiichi: It seems that you're too fixated on the brand image, that you've lost sight of the sound that you need to accentuate. Haruka: (It's true that I'm still confused as to what exactly should I convey into this song. And it even shows through the sound…) Eiichi: There's no need to make that face. Don't you have this photoshoot for today? Eiichi: Take a look and feel the concept of this project in person. I'm sure that this will be a great experience for you to learn more and help your songwriting. Eiichi: Make sure to burn that image into your mind and the answer will surely become clear to you. Don't forget that you're the composer that we've acknowledged. Haruka: …I understand! - Eiichi: … Haruka: (What a nice photoshoot… But, somehow I feel like there's something different than the usual Eiichi-san. I wonder why…) Eiichi: Can I please check the picture that we took just now? ...Thank you, I really appreciate it. Eiichi: …Should I move my hand a little more forward? Or wait, maybe I could also change the angle too… Got it. Eiichi: Can we go with the sideway pose for the next one, please? With this, I'm sure that it'll make this beautiful perfume shine more brightly. Haruka: (…Ah. That's it…!)

Ch 3: (unlocked if you reached intimacy lvl 21 with Eiichi)

-Photographic Studio- Haruka: Eiichi-san, thank you for all of your hard work on the photoshoot! Eiichi: Thanks. From the looks of it, it seems like you finally figured out something. Haruka: Yes. I realized that the important thing was to bring out the charm of the perfume itself. Haruka: With this song, I was so preoccupied with all of the feelings that I put in it… I lost sight of what I was asked to do. Eiichi: That's right. It's fine to have a grasp of the brand color, but it's meaningless if you can't convey the merits of this particular product. Eiichi: And besides, the song and I are nothing more than just personification of the concept. Our job is to able to make the main character stand out and glamorously attract the audience. Eiichi: If I am remembered in everyone's memories as a result, then that means I have done my best job in it. Haruka: Yes, Eiichi-san's appearance during the photoshoot is still etched in my memory. You give off a sexy aura, it was a perfect image for the perfume… Haruka: The fact that you were able to bring out that much charm must be due to your deep understanding of the brand, isn't it? Eiichi: Thanks for the feedback. But if we're talking about effort, the same goes for you as well. Eiichi: With how you came here yourself to the photoshoot and get yourself inspired, it was all your own effort that you made it this far. Haruka: Yes, I'm really glad that I came here to watch this photoshoot. Also thank you for making me realize something important. Eiichi: I simply just did what I had to do. In order to make the best CM, every single element must be perfect. Eiichi: Obviously the song is also one of the important elements. I'm sure that you will create something that exceeds my imagination. I have high expectation of it. Haruka: Thank you so much, I'll do my best…!

Ch 4: (unlocked if you reached intimacy lvl 31 with Eiichi)

Ch 5: (unlocked if you reached intimacy lvl 41 with Eiichi)

Ch 6: (unlocked if you reached intimacy lvl 51 with Eiichi)

[katnissmellarkkk]

okay now a very depressing post / topic (although nothing that’s not mentioned in canon so take that as you will). but naturally, this is your trigger warning, sisters.

-

i have always really had a soft soft soft spot for the relationship between katniss and haymitch. (peeta and haymitch too, but not as much). but something i’ve always… struggled to reconcile i suppose was haymitch taking katniss home at the end of mockingjay and dropping her off at her house and just leaving her to her own devices, after all she had been through.

now we all know haymitch went through hell and back before katniss and peeta were even born. i’m not saying haymitch didn’t carry mountains of trauma himself. in fact, his own trauma and issues is how i excused his actions here for so long? because he had been through so much himself that you can’t fault him for not being perfect and not being there for katniss here.

but my hang up was always this idea of, how could he not check in on her? how could he not be more worried about her? she was explicitly suicidal. she had lost literally everything she ever loved in one way or another. she had lost her grip on reality. she was institutionalized for months on end after assassinating a president. she had turned to drugs (morphling) and wouldn’t eat and had barely spoken at all since her sister died, right in front of her eyes. and now haymitch, her appointed guardian who we know loves her, is stealing alcohol and going to hide away in his house and leaving her to her own devices, posing no barrier to any harm she may bring on herself? to me that never really clicked because why wouldn’t he care more?

(and yes, there are the ideas or headcanons that he hired greasy sae to care for katniss because he couldn’t bring himself to do it and there are the headcanons that maybe haymitch did come check on her and she didn’t notice but for the sake of this post, i’m leaving out headcanons).

and then i had a random thought and now i can’t unsee it. haymitch saw himself in katniss, he understood her like no one else, he loved her like his own flesh and blood, he knew how her mind worked, he knew how it felt to live with trauma for over two and a half decades and he knew everything katniss had lived through. and he wouldn’t wish the pain he’d felt on anyone else.

and so i really honestly think haymitch wasn’t just dropping her off and obliviously forgetting her, i don’t think he was even so caught up in addiction that he didn’t recognize how bad off she was or that he wasn’t thinking clearly, and i don’t think he just couldn’t deal with her pain so in turn he chose to ignore it.

i think when he dropped her off at her house, he was giving her permission to kill herself. silently. like he took her home, he dropped her off, and he didn’t bother her again. he gave her space to do whatever she wished to do. because he knew she was a little girl who was too hurt for him to even begin to help. he knew that she was used and abused until she was a mere shell of a person and then cast off like expired yogurt. and he wouldn’t wish the level of pain she was in on anyone in the world.

it feels like to me that he was allowing her to do what she wanted, because he loved her.

[jpmarvel90]

Mr Tin Man

Masterlist Scarlett Masterlist

Relationship: Scarlett x Singer Reader

Summary: Y/n and Scarlett broke up when their relationship couldn't over come the difficulties both of their careers posed. Both realising what they're missing, can they find their way back to each other?

Word Count: 4354

Y/N’s POV:

It had been a year since Scarlett Johansson, and I had broken up. She was the love of my life, the woman I thought I would marry, have kids, and spend the rest of my life with. But life had other plans. It wasn’t a messy break up. No one cheated or fell out of love. We were both just in a point in our life where our careers were restricting us being able to spend quality time together. We were right for each other but it wasn’t the right time.

So, although it broke our hearts, we decided the best thing was to end it before we got bitter and angry at each other. We agreed to stay friends, but I was heart broken and any time we spent together felt like a dagger to my heart knowing that I would never have her again. As time went on, our work schedules made even meeting up as friends difficult and we eventually stopped seeing each other.

Whilst Scarlett was away filming a number of Marvel films, I had been completing my latest album followed by a world tour. I didn’t deal with the breakup well at all. I started to isolate myself and focus all my efforts on work. As time went on, I started to fall into a depression. I struggled to do the simple things and, without realising it, I had let own selfcare go. I was struggling to sleep and was not eating well. But I couldn’t see it.

The world tour was tough. We had so many shows, it felt like we were constantly travelling to the next venue. Although, at the time, I was happy as it meant I was never on my own too long with my own feelings, it took a toll on me.

Eventually I broke. I felt like I couldn’t go on anymore as I had. I was so unhappy and  I had lost all motivation to continue writing and I just didn’t see a way out of my darkness. The day after we landed back in LA, I had a meeting with my team to discuss what I would be doing next. I turned up at the office sat down and listened as they ran off a list of possible projects I could work on whilst starting another album.

“I think I’m done.” I spoke up when they finished their proposals. “Sorry, what do you mean Y/n?” Laura, my manager asked with a concerned look on her face. “I can’t carry on doing this. I used to love singing and performing, but now I feel that I’ve created a world where I no longer have control. A world where I’m unhappy, losing the people I love.” There was a silence in the room as I spoke. Shook was evident on all of my teams faces.

“I think for now, I need to take at least take a break. Refocus my life as I feel like I am losing myself. Maybe I’ll find the passion again to come back, but right now, if I carry on, I’m scared it will destroy me.” I was struggling to keep control of my emotions. It was sat here that I realised just how lost I had gotten and how deep I had fallen into a depression.

I was expecting my team to challenge me back, encourage me to do one more project, one more album. But they didn’t. As I observed their faces, they looked sad, they pitied me. Laura gave the rest of the team a signal to leave us as she stood to join me on the sofa. “You don’t know how glad I am to hear you say that.” She said taking my hand in hers.

I looked up at her shocked at her response. “What do you mean?” I asked with a confused look on my face. “Y/n, first and foremost you are my friend before my client. I’m angry at myself that it took me nearly a year to realise how much you were struggling. But when I did, I was scared that you would push yourself too hard and to a place you wouldn’t find your way back from.” As she spoke, I looked at her face, it was soft and loving, giving me comfort.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” I asked. She paused for a moment to collect her thoughts. “I considered it a lot. But I was scared that I would push you away to a point I wouldn’t be able to help you. I decided to monitor you during the last concerts and then bring it up with you when we got home.” I nodded, understanding her reasoning. She was right, I probably would have lashed out and pushed her away.

“What do you think you’ll do next?” She asked with genuine interest. “Not sure, maybe move back home to the UK, though my friends are all here. I don’t really have family back there anymore. But first I think I need to just work on me. Try and focus on getting my head and health right. Then I can think what next.” I was proud of myself that I was recognising I needed help and part of that was putting me first.

“I think that’s a very mature decision. Just know, I will be here for you every step of the way. You need anything, you just let me know, in work or your personal life ok.” I smiled as she spoke and pulled her in to a big hug. Suddenly I relief had washed over me. “I’ll put out a press release this afternoon to announce that you’ll be taking a prolonged break for personal reasons. I know you hate the press prying, so the soon we get this done, the quicker it’ll be over with and you’ll be old news.”

I nodded in agreement. I knew I wouldn’t be able to just slip away from the limelight, it would create a worse reaction with rumours and the paparazzi chasing me around trying to work out what was going on. I knew these next few weeks would be difficult, but I was finally doing what was right for me.

After a couple of months, the attention on me had died down, and I was able to focus on getting myself in a better place. I still was struggling mental, but I was taking better care of myself. I made sure I was eating properly and started to work out again. It actually became a good release for me when I was feeling overwhelmed.

I had decided that I wanted to buy a bar. I wanted to create a place where I could have live music, giving up coming acts a chance to perform. It took about a month, but I did it. I helped me to focus on something positive. I spent the time sorting out exactly what I wanted the bar to be and was so happy to be opening ‘Spotlight’.

It proved to be a great success. Every Friday and Saturday night I would be at full capacity. We had some fantastic bands and artists perform and even had a few of them be signed up from gigs at the bar. I spent most evenings there waiting behind the bar. I found a peace in the change of pace to what my life had been.

Eventually I started writing music again and would do a small set every Thursday before one of the main acts would play. Without the pressure of writing to deadlines and performing endless concerts, I found the passion again for what I had once loved.

It was now 15 months since Scarlett and I broke up. I was in a place that my career didn’t dictate where I would be or what I would be doing. I considered contacting her, I missed her in my life. Not just as my girlfriend, but as my best friend. But before I could, I saw that she had started dating Colin Jost from SNL. She was happy now and I didn’t want to ruin that for her.

I still felt the heart ache, I knew it would never truly leave, as to me she was my soulmate. But I didn’t let that pain drown me anymore. Perhaps one day I might be able to move on myself. But for now, I think I’m happy.

Scarlett’s POV:

I was a complete mess when Y/n and I broke up. To this day I regret ever suggesting that maybe we just weren’t right for each other due to our careers. I don’t think I have ever loved anyone as much as I loved her. The little time we did spend together was incredible. I couldn’t be happier. Now I’m just sad all the time. Thankfully I’m filming three Marvel films pretty close together so I’m able to throw myself into work.

I kept my eye on what Y/n was doing and even went to her concert when she visited Atlanta. I so badly wanted to call her up and say I wanted to see her. But I didn’t, scared that she would just reject me after I broke her heart.

I’m currently sat in my trailer dealing with work emails when Lizzie comes bursting through my door. “There’s a thing called knocking you know!” I scold towards her as she plonks herself on the sofa opposite me, out of breath. “Oh, come on, it’s not like I would have walked in on anything I shouldn’t.” She responded. I didn’t have the energy to argue so I just let it be.

“So, what’s so urgent that it would cause you to disturb me like this?” I asked, still typing away on my laptop. “Y/n.” She said simply. I stopped what I was doing at the sound of her name. “What about her?” I ask moving to join Lizzie on the sofa. “She’s quit. Well, taking a break, from music.” She rushed out. I sat there in shock my brain going into overdrive. “Just look.” She said thrusting her phone in my direction.

News Article:

Y/n Y/l/n quits!

Y/l/n manager today released a press release announcing that the singer will be taking a step back from her rising music career due to personal reasons. She confirmed that no further information was going to be provided, but added that Y/l/n was extremely grateful for the opportunities she had been given and hoped that one day she may return.

After a successful album release and world tour there has been speculation over why the singer has decided to quit, with many of her fans concerned for her wellbeing. So why has the singer ended her dazzling career which was reaching new heights? Keep tuned for more.

I read the article in complete shock. I couldn’t believe it. Y/n had worked so hard to get where she was. It was one of the things I loved about her, how she had a determination reach her dreams. Looking through the photos of her, I saw how different she looked. Her usually toned body was skinny and her skin was pasty. In one photo where she wasn’t wearing sunglasses you could see clearly that she had dark circles under her eyes.

“Do you think she’s sick? I mean look at the photos, she doesn’t exactly look well.” Lizzie said breaking the silence. I noticed that she also had a concerned look on her face. Lizzie and Y/n were close but after the breakup their friendship started to fade. “I don’t know, maybe? It would make sense. Oh, God what if it’s something serious.” I start to work myself up in a panic now convinced that she was seriously ill and that was why she had quit.

As my breathing started to pick up Lizzie noticed and pulled me so that I was facing her. “Calm down Scar. Everything is going to be ok. You could always call her to find out.” She said, as if I would easily be able to just pick up the phone and talk to her for the first time in a year. I just shook my head fighting back the tears.

“Oh, Scar come here.” Lizzie said pulling me into a hug. “You still love her, I never understood why you didn’t try harder to make things work. Perhaps this is the worlds way of pushing back towards each other.” I listened intently to what Lizzie was saying. She was right, ever since the day I ended things, I just wanted to call her up and say I made a mistake. But it’s been a over a year now. She’s probably moved on.

I spent that afternoon in my trailer with Lizzie holding me while I cried, worried that the love of my life was ill, and I wasn’t there for her. But me being the stupid person I am, was too scared to call or even try and make contact.

Over the next couple of weeks, I couldn’t focus on much. I was trying to take my mind of Y/n and went on a couple of dates with Colin Jost. He was a great guy, but I knew I couldn’t commit to him when I was still in love with Y/n and hopeful that we may one day find our way back to each other.

It was an article online which caught my attention which brought back all the worries that I had had about Y/n. I normally don’t read these things, but I found it was the only way I could keep Y/n in my life. This particular article was talking about Y/n being unwell and going through some form of treatment.

Like the press like to do, they analysed images of her to show her weight loss, her pale skin. How infrequently she would leave her home. There had even been some images of her going to the hospital. I had enough relying on potentially fake stories and decided that I was going to do something. I still was too scared to call Y/n but I there was one person I knew I could talk too.

Phone call (Third person.)

Scarlett: Hey Laura, it’s Scar. How are you?

Laura: Hey, I’m surprised to hear from you. I’m good thanks. How about you?

Scarlett: I’m not doing too great. I hope you don’t mind me calling, but I’m concerned about Y/n. I’m just going to get right to the point. Is Y/n sick?

There was a pause on the end of the line whilst Laura debated telling Scarlett what was really going on.

Laura: No, she’s not sick, but she has been struggling.

Scarlett: Oh, thank God she’s not ill. But what do you mean struggling.

Laura: After your breakup Y/n threw herself into work. She stopped looking after herself and it took us far to long to notice that something was wrong. I’m pretty sure she fell into depression. She even stopped writing.

There was a silence on the phone whilst Scarlett took in what she was hearing. Everyone knew how much Y/n loved to write. It was her outlet to process her feelings. The fact that you weren’t writing was terrifying, as it meant you were giving up.

Scarlett: So it wasn’t her choice to take a break?

Laura: Actually, it was. After the tour was over, she told us she couldn’t do it anymore. She admitted if she carried on, she was scared that she wouldn’t make it through. I was very proud of her that she recognised what she doing wasn’t healthy. We didn’t announce why she took a break, so it gave her time to focus on herself and get healthy again.

Scarlett: Right, that’s good she’s looking after herself again. How is she now?

Laura: She’s actually doing pretty well. She’s much healthier physically but I know she’s struggling. If I’m honest with you Scarlett, I think she always will. You were her life, I know it may not have seemed that way, but you were always the priority to her. I don’t think she’ll every truly get over you, but as long as she’s staying healthy I think she’s ok with.

Scarlett was silent. She was relieved that she wasn’t sick, but she now had new worries that Y/n still needed support mentally. She hated that she was selfish and broke things off when Y/n even when she was trying.

Laura: Scar, there’s something you should know. She opened a bar a few weeks ago. It’s called Spotlight. We managed to keep it from the press and it’s going really well for her. They have live music every night and she helps bands and artists have a chance to make it themselves.

Scarlett: That’s great, I’m glad she’s found something that makes her happy.

Laura: Once she was settled, I was sure that she was going to get back in contact with you. Deep down I think it was always her aim to be stable enough to come back to you. I’m surprised that she hasn’t.

There was another pause.

Laura: Perhaps you should visit. If you do, go on a Thursday.

Scarlett: Ok, maybe I will.

And with that they ended the call. Scarlett feeling slightly better, knowing now what she needed to do. She need to get her girl back.

Scarlett’s POV:

It was Thursday and I was dragging both Lizzie and Florence with my to Y/n new bar. I was so nervous, but I just hoped that she would at least talk to me. We got there and were seated in a booth with a good view of the stage and bar. I noticed that Y/n was serving behind the bar, chatting away with the customers.

She seemed happy, lighter maybe. We ordered some drinks and listened to the young guitarist that was currently playing. After their set was done, the DJ made an announcement. “Good evening everyone and welcome to Spotlight. Thank you to Hannah Leevers for that amazing set. I hope you’ve got your drinks and are ready for your favourite to take the stage again. Please welcome Y/n Y/l/n.”

The audience erupted in cheers and Y/n walked out to the stage and took her place at the piano. She started off by playing some of her hits and it was great. The audience were up and dancing and Y/n seemed the most comfortable I had ever seen her performing. “I forgot how amazing she really is!” Lizzie shouted over the music. “I know, but look how happy she is.” I responded, smiling at her comfort. 

“Thank you everyone. I’ve got one last song before we move on to the main act. We have an amazing band tonight which I can’t wait for you to hear. This last song is a new one that I wrote. I hope you like it!” Y/n stood up, picking up her guitar and sat on a stool by a mic. I watched slightly memorised as she started to pick at the strings.

Hey there, Mr. Tin Man

You don't know how lucky you are

You shouldn't spend your whole life wishin'

For somethin' bound to fall apart

Every time you're feelin' empty

Better thank your lucky stars

'Cause if you ever felt one breakin'

You'd never want a heart

Hey there, Mr. Tin Man

You don't know how lucky you are

I been on the road that you're on

It didn't get me very far

You ain't missin' nothing

'Cause love is so damn hard

Take it from me, darlin'

You don't want a heart

Hey there, Mr. Tin Man

I'm glad we talked this out

You can take mine if you want it

It's in pieces now

By the way there, Mr. Tin Man

If you don't mind the scars

You give me your armour

And you can have my heart

As she finished the song I was in tears. It was the most beautiful song she’s written, and I breaks me to know that it’s because I caused it. Lizzie and Flo pull me into a hug, and I notice they are both crying as well. “Go and fight for her.” Lizzie whispered in my ear. This was it. The moment I hope to change things for the better.

I pull a tissue out of my bag and wipe away my tears. Standing up and straighten out my clothes and take a deep breath before following Y/n to her office. I knock before turning the handle. “Tony, I just need a minute and I’ll be out.” I heard her sniffle as she spoke.

“It’s not Tony.” Is all I’m able to get out. She slowly turns on her spot and I can see the tear tracks down her face. “Scar, w-what are you doing here?” She asked, taking a step back to keep her distance. “That song was beautiful. I’m glad you’re writing again.” I smile, grateful that I’m in her presence again, even if it’s awkward.

“How did you know I stopped?... oh wait Laura told you.” She questioned before answering it herself. I just nodded. “I really should get back out there.” She says making her way to the door. I’m not ready to let her go, so I place my hand out and rest it on her stomach to stop. “Please don’t go.” I whisper.

She can’t make eye contact with me and just stares intently at her feet. “I’m just getting myself back together, I can’t…” She starts with a shaky voice. I interrupt her “shhh, look at me.” I take both her hands and turn her so she’s facing me. Slowly she lifts her head, and I can see fresh tears falling.

“I just want to talk. Once I’ve said my piece, if you want me to, I’ll go. I’m not here to hurt you.” She nods and allows me to continue. “I was really selfish when I said we couldn’t make things work. Part of me was being selfish as I didn’t want to make any sacrifices to my career. Which was stupid, because the only thing I’ve ever been sure of in my life was you. I got scared and I have never regretted anything as much as this.” I pause and wipe away some of the tears falling down her face.

“When I heard you had quit, I saw all these articles about you being sick and it sent me into a panic. I thought that I was going to lose you and you’d never know that I love you, that you’re my soulmate. When I spoke with Laura, it felt like a second chance. I knew I had to make things write. I know things may be to far gone, and if that’s the case then so be it, but I’m not ready to give up. I want us to try again if you’ll have me?”

It was my turn to not be able to keep eye contact. I was terrified that rejection was coming my way. “But you’re dating Colin.” She said with such sadness in her voice. “What? No, I’m not. Well, I went on a couple of dates, but that was months ago now and it never went anywhere. I was too in love with you.”

“Look, Y/n. Maybe we can start again? I don’t expect you to forgive me and for us to jump back into where we were, straight away. But perhaps we start again as a couple? I can reduce the projects I’m working on. You can start to work again.” I start to ramble, fight for our relationship.

“Scar, I’m happy…” Y/n starts and my heart breaks. “Oh, ok.” I turn to leave but she pulls me back by my wrist and I notice how much closer we are now. “What I mean is, I’m happy with my career as it is now. I love this place. Maybe one day I might want to release more music, but I know it won’t be for a while. IF we give this another go, you don’t need to make those big sacrifices. I won’t be going anywhere.”

I look up at her eyes and they are shining. My smile grows wide, and I can’t believe how lucky I am to have someone like her in my life. Before I know what my body is doing, I pull her in to a kiss, placing my hands on her cheeks as I pull her impossibly close to me. Her hands are on my waist rubbing my exposed hip bone. “God I’ve missed that.” She whispers against my lips. I chuckle in response.

“Y/n, I’m all in. You are my priority and if I need to make changes in how I work then I’ll do that. I want to do that so we can be happy. We’ll make this work. Just know I will always be here for you. Through everything.” Her smile grows to match mine and she pulls me in to a tight hug. “I love you.” She says almost afraid to say. I pull out of the hug so I can look her directly in the eyes. “I love you too.”

She gently places her lips on mine for another tender kiss which grows to become more passionate. When we need to catch our breath, we pull away. “I could do that all day.” She laughs. “So could I, but there is someone out there who is almost as desperate to see you again as me.” She looks at me with her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “It’s Lizzie.” I say and her face lightens up. “Come on then.” I say, holding out my hand to her to take.

She follows me out and joins me back at the table with Lizzie and Flo. We spend the night catching up and laughing. I barely take my eyes off of Y/n and keep a tight hold of her hand as she rubs her thumb over my knuckles. This is where I want to be, and I will do anything to protect it.