#this took forever due to net issues

[bookworm551]

Take the Edge Off | Part 9 | Stitches

Summary: After a failed mission, Miguel needs to patch you up.

A/N: well, new year, new chapter (finally). I’m getting real close to finishing up this series, maybe 2 more parts. This took forever bc I needed a filler and had no idea what to do, and this is also the longest part so far. At least I know where to go from here, so I should have the next part up relatively soon 💀

Warnings: smut (duh), canon-typical violence, wound care

10.2k words

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 10

You had grossly underestimated how difficult catching Ghost would be.

The main issue was finding him. He was smart, and he seemed to realize that anytime he spent too much time in one dimension, you and the team would pounce, and like water in your hand, he always managed to slip away. The closest you came to catching him was about three weeks after your bet, and it was an absolute shit show.

"Fuck me," you grunted under your breath when another explosion knocked you into the wall. Ghost came from a universe with hammerspace, and every new dimension he traveled to, he managed to store away more and more dangerous equipment. Now, you were there in some alleyway, half your team missing, fighting off a barrage of missiles, bombs, and sharp projectiles.

Across from you, Ben was tangled in a net trap, and Malala was groaning on the floor as she recovered from an intense electrical shock. Clenching your jaw, you leapt off the wall at Ghost. You were getting aggravated by how difficult this was. Why couldn't he be a regular villain and let you catch him?

Anticipating your move, Ghost jumped out of the way. You webbed him and yanked him toward yourself. Rather than fighting your pull, Ghost flew at you and pounced on your form, knocking you flat on your back. He drove his fists into your ribs, and you cried out as electricity coursed through your body. He held his fists, adorned in makeshift gauntlets, to you as you lay paralyzed by pain.

"Where's the big guy?" He asked you, his voice low and silky. "He's always a good time." You weren't even able to breathe from the shocks pulsing in your ribs, but before you would've been able to answer him, your attention was captured by the sight of a yellow portal to your right.

For one dreadful moment, you thought it was Ghost's escape. His slippery nature was due to the watch he had stolen from Ben all those months ago, and it seemed almost impossible to keep him in one dimension long enough to catch him.

To your tremendous relief however, Miguel's muscular form flew out of the portal, knocking the anomaly off of your body. You took a ragged breath as the two men tumbled to your side. "Oh! Here you are!" Ghost laughed, pushing himself off the floor to face Miguel. "We were just talking about you."

Miguel turned his head for a moment to assess your form still gasping for breath. "You're late," you wheezed to him as you rolled onto your side to stand up again. You'd been here fighting alongside Ben and Malala since the alert from Lyla had gone out, and Miguel was only just now showing up. You didn't even know where Jess and the others were.

Seeing that you were well enough to give him sass, Miguel turned back to face Ghost, shooting a web that Ghost easily avoided. "You missed," he teased, but he was quickly eating his words when Miguel yanked the dumpster he had webbed instead and slammed it into the arrogant anomaly.

While Ghost was still recovering from his hit, Miguel threw his containment unit device at Ghost’s form. It slid right next to him, but a microsecond before it deployed, the anomaly rolled away, causing the orange force field to envelop nothing.

"Interesting," Ghost stated, sounding genuinely fascinated as he observed the glowing orange cage. You huffed in irritation, finally managing to sit up now that your muscles weren't spasming anymore. As much as you usually enjoyed banter with your enemies, you were not in the mood.

Miguel lunged after Ghost, who pulled another weapon seemingly out of nowhere and fired a spray of spinning razors at him. Miguel began twisting through the air, managing to evade every blade with expert precision.

Unfortunately for you, your screaming muscles weren’t able to move quite as fast as you needed. You leapt through the air to try and dodge the razors, but midair, one clipped you right in the shoulder, cutting deep from the front of your shoulder down almost to your back.

You cried out in pain, slamming hard into the ground as you fell. The wind was knocked out of your lungs, and you lay there struggling to breathe while hot pain blossomed in your shoulder.

Hearing your pained cry, Miguel froze, his body automatically turning to find you. You lay there a moment before moving to roll onto your good side. You pushed yourself up with a groan, and you were surprised to find Miguel at your side and pressing you back down to the floor. “Don’t move,” he urged as he gently held you down.

Even though his face was hidden, you could see he was examining your wound. “I’m fine,” you grunted, moving to sit up again. Miguel must’ve seen that you weren’t too terribly wounded and watched you carefully while you sat up off the ground before finally saying, “Okay.”

Together, you turned back to face Ghost. He was standing with a curious look on his face and an unsettling smile on his lips. “Now, that is interesting,” he said. Before either of you could move at him, Malala came swinging in a blur and knocked the anomaly off his feet. “I’m getting real tired of his gabbing,” she muttered, sounding as aggravated as you felt.

Ghost didn’t stay down for long. “It seems I’ve overstayed my welcome,” he observed. He quickly typed something into his watch, and a portal opened up beside him. “No!” Miguel snarled, leaving your side to lunge after him. You also stood up, grinding your teeth in pain as you leapt after him.

To buy himself time, Ghost threw down two small capsules that flashed brightly, making you balk. When the sun spots faded from your eyes, there was still a thick cloud of smoke around you, causing you to cough weakly. Your eyes scanned the alley for your rival, and you found him scooping up the containment unit device Miguel had thrown.

You flung yourself at him, trying to web the device from his hands. Hitting his arm, you pulled him forward with all your strength. He flew at your body, but when you raised a hand to hit him with your bad arm, pain flared from your shoulder and caused you to stumble, and you only managed a weak punch.

Seeing your pain, Ghost pulled a knife out of who-knows-where and severed the line between you. Scrambling away, he jumped for the portal and fell inside it just as Miguel tried to catch him, and within a breath, the portal to an unknown dimension closed.

“No!” Miguel shouted in frustration, his fist punching the wall where the portal had been mere seconds ago. You let out an aggravated breath. This was the closest you had ever been to catching Ghost, so frustratingly close that it made your chest burn in anger.

There was a tense second where nobody spoke. You could see that Miguel was breathing hard. At your side, Malala stood up with a heavy sigh and moved over to help Ben who was still entangled in a net.

Miguel whirled on you. “What happened?!” Miguel shouted at you. You gaped at him incredulously. “You’re asking me?!” You shot back angrily. “Where the hell were you when the alert went out?”

Miguel’s mask retracted to reveal his scowling face. “We had him!” he snarled, ignoring your question and directing his anger towards you.

Your frustration boiled in your chest. Not only had Miguel been late to the call, but his accusatory words were some of the first that he had spoken directly to you since he added you to the team. It had been weeks since you had spoken to each other. It seemed as though since your last encounter, he had been avoiding you. Your interactions had been brief and relevant only to the mission, and you hadn’t even spent any time alone together since you had been added to the team.

“Yeah, we had him,” you repeated angrily, your own mask retracting. “We had him until you stopped going after him.” His face contorted into a scowl, and his figure towered over you. “You had plenty of time to incapacitate him,” he argued.

You scoffed. “Yeah, I had plenty of time waiting for you to show up,” you shot back. “And as soon as you do, you turn your back on him.”

“You were hurt,” he stated sharply. His eyes fell to your shoulder, and you thought that some of his anger dissipated from his face. “You are hurt,” he corrected himself, his voice still sharp but a bit less angry.

You almost scoffed again, but when you looked down at your shoulder, you grimaced. Your suit had retracted around your cut, exposing the deep slice in your shoulder. In your adrenaline-fueled state, you had only briefly felt it, but now, seeing it slowly oozing blood, the pain was suddenly very noticeable.

"Shit," you sighed under your breath. You were used to dressing your own wounds, but this one was in a spot that was going to be difficult to treat. "I'll be fine," you said dismissively.

Miguel seemed to compose himself a little bit. He closed his eyes with a deep sigh before looking back at your shoulder. "You need stitches," he said.

You rolled your eyes. "I said I'll be fine," you repeated firmly. "Don't be stupid," he replied in a flat voice. "And don't try to tell me you can do it yourself." You closed your mouth and huffed. That's exactly what you were about to say.

"Fine, I'll get Jess to do it," you stated in exasperation. "Happy?"

"Like hell you will," he muttered, typing something into his watch. A portal opened beside you, and Miguel looked back at you, irritation still evident on his face though perhaps not so much as before.

"What?" You asked expectantly. He shot you an impatient look. "Go," he told you sharply. You shifted your stance defiantly, stubbornly remaining where you were. "I don't want to go with you," you argued. He sighed in exasperation. "Would you stop being so damn stubborn and go through the stupid portal?" He snapped.

You stared up at him in contempt. His demanding tone and harsh mannerisms made you feel resistant to accepting any of his help. After ignoring you for weeks and snapping at you during this failure of a mission, he was the last person you wanted seeing you in pain.

You both continued staring at each other, each refusing to look away first. You felt blood oozing down your back, and the pain was really starting to radiate in your shoulder. Miguel stared at you with a deadpan expression, knowing it was only a matter of time before you would give in.

You realized with a wave of aggravation that he was going to win your staring standoff. With a sigh, you grit your teeth together and looked down in defeat. "Fine," you muttered sourly. Pushing past him, you walked into the portal and didn't bother looking back to see if he was coming.

You weren't quite sure what you were expecting on the other side of the portal, but you were somewhat surprised to find yourself standing in Miguel's room. It was just as you remembered it from weeks ago— simple, neat, and barely used.

From behind you, Miguel stepped into the room, not even sparing you a glance before heading to the bathroom. You hesitated for a moment before reluctantly following after him. He pulled out a large black bag onto the counter space filled with all sorts of medical equipment. He was laying out materials for suturing as you walked in.

"Sit."

You scoffed in annoyance. "I know you know how to say please," you grumbled. He didn't respond, turning to his sink to wash his hands rather than answering you. If you had been in a pettier mood, you wouldn't have moved until he asked nicely, but you were in pain and ready to get it over with, so you pushed yourself up onto the counter by the sink and waited for him.

Miguel pulled a pair of gloves over his hands and inspected your wound carefully. "Your suit," he said flatly, indicating that it was in the way. Sighing, you let your suit retract just enough to reveal half your torso for him. It didn't matter that this man had seen you completely naked on several occasions, you weren't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing you undressed now, even if he was only going to stitch you up.

Miguel began with wiping away the blood from the skin around your wound. You flinched hard. The pressure he used was light but still painful, and you closed your eyes to fight the grimace that was trying to show. It took you a second to realize that this was the first time he'd touched you in weeks.

Despite your irritation towards him, you couldn’t help but notice how closely he was standing to you. From the corner of your eye, you watched his face as he worked diligently to take care of you. His eyebrows were slightly scrunched as he focused his attention on your skin, and there was only the sounds of his soft, steady breathing in your ear.

When he was satisfied with how your skin looked, he sprayed antiseptic on it before asking, “Do you want something for the pain?” You considered it for half a moment before shaking your head. You had managed stitches before, and it wasn’t as painful as some other shit you’d experienced before.

He waited to see if you’d change your mind before lifting the threaded needle with his forceps. Despite your resolution against painkillers, you ground your teeth as the needle punctured your skin. "Sorry," Miguel murmured softly as he pulled the suture through your skin. He was obviously trying to work as gently as possible, but pain was inevitable with suturing.

Taking a deep breath and closing your eyes, you tried your best to ignore the pain, but with how slowly he was going and how thick the tension was, you knew you were going to need a distraction.

"Are you sure we couldn't have just used butterfly stitches?" You asked sourly as he pulled the thread again. "Yes," he replied firmly. "This is deep. You got lucky, too. If it had been just a few inches over, the blade would've hit your neck, and you'd need a lot more than sutures."

"It wasn't luck," you replied pointedly. "It was skill." Miguel gave a disbelieving snort as he pulled the thread tight. "If you really had skill, it wouldn't have hit you at all," he mumbled.

You huffed indignantly. "Oh, please," you began, "don't pretend like you haven't had to take a few hits before. It's practically in the job description."

Miguel didn't reply as he pierced the needle through your skin again, causing you to wince at the pain. You thought he was going to make some sharp bullshit retort about how he didn't get as hurt as you, but instead, he just sighed.

"This was too close," he murmured at last.

Your defensive attitude softened considerably at his words. Studying his face closely, you realized that he wasn't being critical, he was being protective. With your new understanding, you almost felt bad for being angry at him.

"I've had closer," you told him wryly. He frowned. "Is that supposed to make me feel better?" He asked in a dull voice. You gave a small huff in amusement. "It's supposed to show you that you don't have to worry about me," you explained earnestly.

He didn't say anything to you as he continued sewing up your cut. The sting of the needle caused you to wince again, and you tried to think of something to talk about to distract you from the pain.

"At least I don't have to fix up my suit," you said at last, hoping he would pick up the conversation. Miguel hummed before replying, "It's almost impossible to destroy unstable molecule fabric."

You raised an eyebrow at him. "Well if it was impossible to destroy, wouldn't it protect me from even getting cut?"

"That's not how it works," he told you flatly.

"So then how does it work?"

He gave a short sigh, indicating to you that he was not in the mood to entertain your curiosity. Nevertheless, he did. "The molecules work almost as a form of energy," he explained. "They assess the host molecules and change with them. The suit learns your body and reacts with it."

Another stitch was added, but you didn't feel it quite as much as before.

"When you were cut, it didn't destroy the suit," he continued, "it interrupted it. Your skin was damaged, and the suit left it exposed because your wound isn't the default for the molecules."

You studied his face as he spoke, a smile slowly growing on your lips. When he had finished explaining the science of the suit, he seemed to feel your stare and glanced down at you, raising an eyebrow in suspicion.

"Nerd," you said at last.

That seemed to pull him out of his grumpiness somewhat, and he turned his attention back to your shoulder. "You asked," he mumbled, but the sharp edge that was in his voice was gone.

"So then how does the suit retract into my web shooters?" You asked, genuinely interested in knowing more about the fascinating technology you wore everyday, and it definitely helped distract you from the pain.

"Since the suit can take on an energy form," he explained, "it can be stored in the web shooters as a form of data." You stared down at the web shooters on your wrists. It was amazing that such an unsuspecting piece of technology housed such powerful energy.

"They look just like my old pair," you noted. Miguel nodded, his eyes never leaving your shoulder as he worked. "I know, that's what I was aiming for," he said, "but I was thrown off by the web cartridges you use."

You smirked. "Pretty cool, right?" You said proudly. "I built a system that condenses the water in the air and converts it into a hydropolymer to supplement my web supply. It's not as strong as my original formula, but it saves me from having a web block."

Miguel's eyebrows lifted somewhat as he listened. If you hadn't known better, you could almost say he was impressed. He must've noticed your staring because he turned his eyes to meet yours, and his face softened.

"Nerd," he said.

You smiled in return and rolled your eyes. "Whatever," you mumbled playfully. His lips widened fractionally, and his eyes returned back to your shoulder. You felt more relaxed now. The anger and irritation you were feeling before had disappeared as soon as you saw him smile.

"How's it looking, doc?" You asked after a moment, trying to turn your head to see his progress. “Don’t move your head,” Miguel said and nudged your face with the back of his wrist. "And you're not going to be doing any swinging for the next few days.” Your eyes snapped up to look at him. "It's not that bad," you argued weakly. "I'll be fine."

Miguel gave you a stern look. "In your shoulder, it is that bad," he said. "If you tear this, it's going to scar even worse than it's already going to now."

You rolled your eyes again. "Well, you know better than most that this isn't my first or worst scar," you argued, "and it probably won't be my last." It was true. Your body was covered in scars large and small, old and new, and this was just another addition to your collection.

Miguel didn't reply to you. He had worked steadily from the back of your shoulder to the front, but the closer he got to your neck, the worse the pain felt. You did your best to remain neutral, but you couldn't help the small grunt of discomfort that sounded in your throat. Miguel heard it and asked gently, "Do you want something for the pain?"

You shook your head in response. "I have my own stuff," you told him before a crooked grin pulled on your lips. "But you know what I've heard is a natural pain killer?" You added slyly.

Miguel heard the mischief in your voice, and he looked back at your face with suspicion. "What?" He asked carefully.

In a sweet tone, you answered, "Kissing."

Miguel gave you a disapproving look, but you caught the ghost of a smile on his lips. "I told you not until we get the anomaly," he said pointedly.

You weren't discouraged by his assertion. "I just want to see if it works," you told him innocently. "It's an experiment."

"With an ulterior motive."

"The motive is to get rid of the pain."

He still wore a skeptical look, so you tried again. "It's for science," you explained, batting your eyes at him. After weeks of not touching him, you longed to feel his body against your own.

Miguel was unconvinced. He gave an unimpressed hum and pulled his needle through your skin again. It seemed he wasn't going to budge. Heaving a large sigh, you continued, "But if you don't want to participate, maybe I'll find someone else who does."

Miguel pulled his stitch tight, making you wince. "I bet you think that's funny," he said in a flat voice.

"I bet you don't," you shot back.

"Because it's not."

"Well," you began slowly, hesitating as you wondered if you should even start this conversation with him. You’d thought a lot about him the past few weeks, and barely seeing him for weeks now had made you realize that being a casual fling wasn’t what you wanted anymore. "I know you've expressed many times that this isn't a relationship,” you said carefully, “so I don't really see what the issue is."

Your heart was beating a little faster now. Your words opened the door to a conversation that you were both eager and terrified to have. You wanted desperately to know how he felt about you, about whatever this was between you. You were also nervous that he didn't feel what you felt or want what you wanted.

At your words, Miguel's face darkened. He stayed quiet for a second before he resumed suturing. "If that's what you want," he muttered at last.

There was a tense silence that settled between you. You stared up at his hardened face, trying to determine what he was thinking.

"It's not," you replied quietly, "but being on this break got me thinking."

"About?"

"About how I feel about this whole arrangement."

The tense silence returned. Miguel's eyes were fixed determinedly on your shoulder, and his eyebrows furrowed as he listened to what you said.

"You want to end it?" He asked, his voice level and neutral.

"No," you said a bit too quickly. "It's just..." you trailed off, trying to think of the best way to tell him what you wanted. Doubt nibbled at your mind, and you wondered if this was even a good idea at all.

Miguel noticed your apprehension, and he stopped sewing your wound to give you his undivided attention. His dark eyes met yours, and he was so close to you that it caused your heart to flutter.

You looked away to regain your thoughts. "I know that this is supposed to be a casual thing," you began slowly. "And I know what you said about time and relationships. I just..." you sighed, shifting uncomfortably on the counter. "I don't want to be just a diversion for you, a mindless distraction that you can pick up or put down as you please."

Your face burned as you spoke, and you couldn't bring yourself to look at his face. Miguel murmured your name softly, and you closed your eyes to keep from seeing his reaction.

"If that's still what you still want, that's fine," you continued quickly. "I'm not trying to force you into something you don't want." You sighed as you opened your eyes again. "That's just how I feel," you finished quietly.

Silence enveloped you, suffocating, nerve-wracking silence. After a couple heartbeats, you forced yourself to look up at Miguel. He was still staring at you, but instead of wearing an awkward or even condescending expression as you had expected, his face was soft, almost thoughtful.

You stared at each other quietly for a moment longer before he finally turned his gaze back to your shoulder. Picking up his hands again, he began working on your sutures without reply.

Your stomach tightened anxiously at his silence, and you felt a wave of disappointment wash over you. You didn't feel the pain of your wound anymore now that your mind was racing with what you just said and Miguel's utter lack of response.

"It's not that I don't want it," he said at last. "Because I do."

Your eyes shot up to his face as he spoke. His gaze was still fixed on your stitches, but you could see clearly that he was thinking about what you just said.

"Then what is it?" You asked quietly.

Miguel took a moment to respond, his hands never ceasing their work. "I built my whole life around what we're doing here," he began slowly. "When I say I don't have time for a relationship, it means I can't give you the time you deserve." He glanced over at your face briefly before returning back to your shoulder, his eyes growing distant.

"The last time I let myself get close to someone, I hurt a lot of people," he added quietly. "More than I could ever make up for." He paused for a moment and sighed. "I just don't want to see that happen to you," he said softly.

Your heart ached. You remembered what he told you, how his actions triggered the destruction of a universe. The burden of his past still clearly weighed on his conscious, and you didn't know what to say to him to comfort him.

In the silence following, Miguel tied off the last stitch. With a pair of scissors from the kit, he snipped the line. You looked down at the neat row of sutures that held your cut closed. His work was precise, and you knew it was miles better than what you could've done by yourself.

Miguel was cleaning up his materials, clearly trying to avoid eye contact with you as he did. You watched for a second before taking a deep breath.

"You know, I've learned a lot of things since I was bitten by that stupid spider," you began, breaking the silence around you. "First, pain is unavoidable." You pointed to your shoulder's fresh stitches. "Case in point," you said wryly.

Miguel didn't react to your weak joke. He continued packing his materials away, but you could tell he was still listening to what you were saying.

"My second lesson," you continued, "was that I would always be alone."

Miguel paused, and his eyes turned back to your face. "There was nobody who knows what it's like to be me," you explained. "Nobody who knew what I've sacrificed. I had nobody to trust with this secret life, and the longer I did this, the more I regretted being Spider-Woman."

You stared down at the web shooters adorning your wrists as you contemplated your own words. You had never told anybody this before, not even the other Spiders. You had suffered so much by yourself, and only now for the first time did you feel like you could share your life with someone.

"But when I came here," you continued quietly, "it all changed. Suddenly, I was surrounded by people who did understand, who also felt how I did." You paused again, and you finally looked up at his face. His eyes were watching you with a look of understanding and sympathy that made your throat tighten unexpectedly.

Your eyes broke away from his stare again, and you stated quietly, "When you offered me a place here, I wasn't alone anymore."

Miguel nodded softly. "That's what I wanted," he replied. "A community for people like us." You tilted your head up at him and studied his countenance. "Then why do you still act like you're doing it alone?" You asked.

He sighed uncomfortably, crossing his arms in front of his chest and leaning against the sink counter. "In a lot of ways, I am doing it alone," he stated quietly. "Everyone here enjoys doing the missions, seeing all the new dimensions, and meeting new Spiders. I'm the one who has to do all the damage control, the recruitment, the dirty work." He sighed again and muttered grimly, "I don't always like what I have to do."

You raised an eyebrow at his melodramatic statement. "You know, it would probably be more enjoyable if you actually interacted with the other Spiders," you told him with a pointed look.

Miguel huffed a short breath. "I'm not trying to get close to anyone," he stated firmly. That made you pause and tilt your head in interest. "Then what am I?" You asked, a curious smile pulling at your mouth.

His gloomy expression lifted somewhat as he looked at you. He uncrossed his arms and planted them on the counter on either side of your body, and he stared at your face thoughtfully. You stared back, waiting for an answer.

"You," he began slowly, "were a distraction to take the edge off." You hummed thoughtfully in response, wrapping your legs around his waist to bring him closer. "And now?" You prompted, your eyes falling to his lips.

"And now," he echoed, "you're the person I bring back to my room to stitch up because I don't trust anyone else to do it."

You smiled at him, and your stomach fluttered at how close he was to you. You wanted so badly to kiss him. Your lips yearned for the feeling of his mouth against yours.

"I guess that makes me pretty special," you replied smugly.

A glimmer of reluctant amusement shone in his face, and he tilted his head in mock consideration. "I think 'special' is a stretch," he stated coolly. You placed a hand over your heart dramatically. "Ouch," you gasped. "And you wonder why I joke about going to other people."

He raised an eyebrow at you. "I don't wonder," he stated. "I know exactly why you do it."

"And why is that?" You asked coyly.

Miguel shot you an unconvinced look. "Because it gets under my skin, and you know it," he replied. You smirked, unable to deny the truth in his statement.

"If that's true, then that would make me a horrible person," you told him.

"You are a horrible person."

Your smile widened, and with your good arm, you raised your hand to his chest and let it slowly wander up to wrap behind his neck. "Then why do you like me?" You asked innocently.

Miguel was looking at your lips now, and there was a hint of playfulness in his face. "'Like' is a strong word," he said thoughtfully. "I think 'tolerate' is more accurate."

You rolled your eyes with a smile. "Damn, is there anything in the first aid kit for a broken heart?" You joked. He couldn't stop himself from smiling softly at your theatrics. "You're ridiculous," he said.

You hummed, pulling him closer to your face. "You love it," you insisted. His nose brushed against yours before he repeated, "I tolerate it." You chuckled and gave a careful shrug. "Same difference," you said before pulling his lips down against yours.

You couldn't resist smiling against his lips as you kissed him for the first time in weeks. You were savoring every sweet second of his body against yours. His mouth moved slowly against your own, and he snaked an arm around your torso, making your face glow with a faint blush.

His words echoed in your head. It's not that I don't want it. So, he did feel the same way you did, or at least, to some degree he did. The thought alone made your stomach flutter, and you ran your fingers through his hair while trying to memorize how his lips felt against yours.

When you finally broke apart, you still wore a smile on your face as his forehead rested on yours. "Oh wow, that does help with the pain," you commented. The pain had subsided considerably when his mouth was pressed against yours.

Miguel chuckled and kissed you again briefly. "Consider your experiment a success," he said. You hummed thoughtfully. "I would be an irresponsible scientist if I didn't repeat my experiment to prove its validity," you argued, earning a smile from him before you pressed your lips to his again.

It felt so good to kiss him, especially after the shitty failure that was today's mission, and the warmth of his body melted all your troubles away from your mind. You didn't care about the mission or your injury. He was here with you, everything else could wait.

With your fingers still running through his hair, you grabbed a fistful of jet-black strands and deepened your kiss, pushing your tongue into his mouth with a sigh. His hand on your waist tightened while he grunted softly into your mouth.

Breaking away from your lips, Miguel murmured your name in a low, warning voice. "Hmm?" You replied innocently, looking up at his dark eyes through your lashes. "We had an agreement," he said.

"Yeah, when I was on the team," you told him. "But you just said that I need to lay off for a few days..." you gave him a pointed look, "...which means I'm technically off the team for a few days..." you pulled his face back down to yours, "...which means that our agreement is null and void."

With that, you pressed your lips to his in a deep kiss before he could argue back. It was a weak argument, and you knew it, but you didn't want him to challenge it. You wanted him to want you.

His grip around your waist tightened as he pushed against your tongue with his own. You couldn't help the small moan you gave as his passion began to show, and all the longing you'd been feeling for Miguel the past couple weeks began welling up inside you.

Your lips separated for a moment. "Treacherous," he murmured breathlessly against your skin. You hummed, blinking your eyes open to look at him. His face looked restless, and you knew he was hungry for more.

"So I've been told," you replied smugly as you moved your lips down to his neck. Miguel gave a deep sigh at the feeling of your kisses on his sensitive skin, skin that felt warm and soft to the touch.

In your growing desire for him, your teeth gently nipped his bare flesh. Miguel sucked in a sharp breath at the sensation, his fingers gripping your waist tightly as he whispered your name again. You smiled deviously as his reaction, and your legs wrapped around his hips to bring his body flush against yours.

"Give me more," you mumbled against his skin. Miguel took a second to respond, his breathing ragged as he tried to keep his composure. "You're hurt," he argued weakly. Based on his strained voice, you knew he had all but given in to the craving of your touch. You raised your head up so that you could look him in his dark, restless eyes, noses brushing gently as you were both panting lightly in anticipation.

"Then make me feel better."

That was all you had to say before he kissed you with the hunger of a touch-starved man. He pulled you off the sink in one swift movement, holding you upright with your legs still wrapped around his waist, and walked out of the bathroom to where his bed was waiting for you both.

Finally, you thought. The tension between you these past few weeks had been torture. Seeing each other around HQ after your last encounter and not saying a word in passing was aggravating, and you had been longing for the moment when you could wrap your arms (and legs) around him again.

When his legs hit the side of the bed, he lowered you carefully down onto it. You still had your good arm wrapped around his shoulders, and when he placed you on the top of his bed, you hissed in pain and clung to his body. The edge of your stitched-up wound had touched the comforter, making it sting. 

"Maybe not like this," you said with a light chuckle.

A flash of concern crossed Miguel's face when he realized your pain, and he moved to roll off of you. Still holding yourself close to his body, you rolled with him and found yourself straddling his lap.

With a smirk, you hovered your face over his. "Much better," you stated smugly. Miguel was still assessing your face for any traces of discomfort. "Are you sure you're up for this?" He asked. You shot him a look. You would've thought he was trying to find a way out of it if it weren't for the fact that his fingers were unconsciously trying to move your hips against his hardening cock.

"I've been craving you for weeks," you whispered against his lips. "It would take more than this to keep me off of you." His face gave way to a smile at your words, a true smile that filled his whole face. Fuck, he looked so good. The way he lit up with you knocked the wind out of you, and you could've stayed there forever just admiring the beautiful smile he had before he raised his head to kiss you.

You leaned into him, growing hot with desire. Your suit, so attuned to what your body wanted, retracted all the way back to your web shooters. Miguel's hands traced across the skin of your torso as his tongue slid against yours, and his suit also disappeared from his body.

Feeling his skin against yours set your heart racing. His fingertips felt electric as his hands wandered up your back to unclasp your bra. Careful not to hit your new stitches, he removed it from your body, taking in the sight of your bare body with a lustful expression before lowering his head to take one of your breasts in his mouth.

You sucked in a sharp breath as he moved his mouth sloppily over your skin. Leaning into him, you ran a hand through his dark hair and grabbed fistfuls of the strands. You missed this, the feeling of him exploring your body. It was so much more than taking the edge off now. It was almost like a form of worship.

"Feeling better?" He murmured, tilting his head up to watch your enraptured expression. "Mhmm," you hummed, a lazy smile pulling at your lips. "But don't you dare stop."

Miguel smirked. "Wasn't planning on it," he replied in a low voice. As he spoke, his hands slid down your body and began pushing your underwear down over your ass. Leaning forward, you lifted your legs to allow his hands to remove your last piece of clothing.

You were breathing hard in anticipation now. You placed sloppy kisses on his chest, his neck, practically any of his tanned skin that you could reach. From his throat, the softest little moans sounded in response to your touch, and each fueled your desire. In your desperation, your teeth grazed his skin again.

His breath caught in his throat, and his fingers dug into your skin. You smirked, enjoying his reaction to your teasing. "You like that, don't you?" You observed slyly. Before you could give him the opportunity to respond, you bit down on the muscle at the base of his neck, not enough to be painful but enough to leave a mark.

He moaned loudly, an unrestrained sound that demonstrated the power you had over him. You released the skin between your teeth before moving them up his neck and biting him there, gentler than before. You were fairly certain he stopped breathing for a moment as you bit down on his soft skin. When the moment passed, you let go again, moving your mouth up and nipping his earlobe.

Miguel was practically paralyzed by your touch, and you could feel his heart racing wildly under your hand. He was completely at your mercy, unable to stop you even if he had wanted to.

But you knew he didn't want you to stop.

Still holding a fistful of his hair, you pulled firmly and tilted his head back to expose his neck to you. Letting his earlobe slip out of your teeth, you moved your mouth to his jaw, placing a kiss on the skin there before gently biting it.

He groaned your name. There was a desperate edge to his voice that made your cunt ache for him. When you moved your lips up to his, he kissed you with such fervor that it was less like he was kissing you and more like he was trying to devour you, like being completely pressed against you wasn't close enough.

"I need to...be inside you," he gasped, his lips still trying to kiss you as he spoke. He sounded as breathless as you felt, and when you opened your eyes to look at him, his eyes were hungry with his desire for you.

Maybe if it hadn't been so long since you'd been together, you would've prolonged the teasing, exacerbated his frustration, but you found that you were also desperate to feel him inside you. Every inch of your body burned for him, and you knew he burned for you, too.

Settling back down slowly on his lap, you allowed Miguel to guide your hips to his cock. Your forehead rested against his, and you gave a small gasp when you felt the tip tease at the entrance of your pussy. Giving Miguel another messy kiss, you lowered yourself down his length.

God, he felt good.

Your head lolled back as he stretched you out so perfectly for the first time in weeks. Miguel released a hot breath against the skin of your neck, his hands holding your hips tightly as he slid into your tight cunt.

"Oh, fuck," he whispered. "I've missed this."

If you had been in a clearer state of mind, you would've pointed out it was his own damn fault for making the stupid rule in the first place. But right now, the only thing on your mind was that you needed to move your body against his.

Raising your hips up again, a loud groan spilled from your lips. You'd almost forgotten just how big he was. His cock was buried deep inside you, setting every nerve on fire. Every muscle in your body tightened with the feeling of his dick sliding out of you, and your hands, one still in his hair and the other holding onto his back, curled tightly as you clung to him.

You moved back down again, your eyes closed tightly with the sensations of riding him. Miguel's hands gripped your waist tightly, his fingers digging into the soft flesh as you moved slowly up and down the length of his cock. His breathing was shaky, and so was yours. Neither of you said anything as you took the time to reacquaint yourselves with the feeling of each other's bodies.

You soon grew impatient with the slow pace you were keeping. You raised your hips off of his lap with greater need, grinding your pussy down hard against him as you did. Miguel's reaction was immediate, and you heard a growl deep in his throat. His hands encouraged your pace and eased some of the effort off of your knees.

The sound of your ass smacking against his lap filled the air, and combined with the sounds of his heavy panting, it only fueled your lust-crazed mind. Blinking open your eyes, you looked at Miguel and found that he was staring up at your face. A shimmer of sweat gleamed on his forehead, and his lips were parted as he breathed hard.

Your eyes locked with his dark gaze. Even as you continued to move along his length, you couldn't help but feel utterly paralyzed by his stare, so brazen and intentional, completely in awe of you. It made you feel powerful, revered.

Loved.

You managed to break out of your paralyzed stupor and crash your lips down on his. Now, you were the one who felt as though you couldn't be close enough to him. Even with his cock pumping in and out of you with ever-increasing speed, you wondered if there was anything that could satisfy your need for him.

Your pace was uncontrollable now. Small, whining moans escaped your mouth with every rise and fall of your hips. Miguel's fingers dug into your waist tightly, and he grunted as he pulled away from your lips.

"Wait," he gasped quietly.

Your eyes snapped open, and you froze. Was something wrong? Were you doing something he didn't like?

Miguel's face struggled to compose itself. "You need to slow down," he finally said. You stared at him for a second before you understood what was happening.

A wicked grin grew on your face. "Why?" You asked deviously. Miguel shot you a glare, his chest heaving. "You know why," he grunted. "Just slow down."

Still wearing your devilish smile, you started moving your hips again. "I don't want to," you told him, your words sounding almost childish as you choked back a whine. Miguel cursed under his breath, squeezing his eyes shut as he fought against the pleasure your cunt brought him.

"Wait, wait," he groaned again, trying to hold you still. Now, this was a power trip if you'd ever felt one. You knew you were only a few moments away from causing him to unravel. Now, he was begging you to ease up because he knew he couldn't last against you.

You grabbed his jaw in one hand, forcing his face to look up at you. "Why should I?" You demanded to know. He was panting hard, and his eyes seemed hazy and unfocused.

"I need to take care of you first," he managed to breathe. You huffed an amused breath. He never failed to get you off, and despite the fact that you were more than happy to finish him off in record timing, you were inclined to let him take over for you.

Miguel placed a soft kiss to your lips. "Let me take care of you," he pleaded in a whisper. "Let me taste you."

The thought alone of what he could do with his tongue was enough to make you moan. Instead of replying, you kissed him hard before lifting your hips up off of him entirely. You felt a twinge of regret from the loss of his cock inside you, but when he slowly rolled you over, the rush of anticipation quickly replaced it.

Miguel pulled you to the edge of the bed, careful not to cause your stitches to hit the comforter. With your good arm, you were propped up by your elbow while he slowly moved down your body. He placed tantalizing kisses on your throat, your collar, your breasts, your stomach, practically every inch of your body he could see. With every kiss, you felt like your body was slowly being set on fire, and you moaned impatiently as he slid off the edge of the bed and wrapped his arms under your thighs the way he loved to do.

When his mouth finally landed over your pussy, you nearly fell back against the bed. A cry of pleasure tore from your throat. The hand you weren't leaning on came up and grabbed his hair while you squirmed in his grip. His lips were sealed over your pussy. He was alternately sucking at your clit and circling it with his tongue. You struggled to breathe as he continued working at a careful pace.

"Miguel," you gasped, your thighs flexing beneath his hands.

Miguel moaned against you, his movements growing faster and faster. His head pressed firmly against you. Your heart was pounding furiously in your chest as you tried to keep your arm from buckling. His tongue moved expertly against you, lapping hungrily at your swollen clit. You tugged at his hair as you tried moving under his arms, but his grip kept you in place.

Your head fell back with a long whine. You knew at the rate he was going that you weren't going to last long. He was all too familiar with the way your body worked, and he knew exactly where to focus his efforts to get you off.

Lifting your head up again, you blinked your eyes open to look down at him. Half of his face was blocked by your arm, so you released the hold you had on his hair, letting your hand trace the edge of his face. His dark eyes were gazing up at you intently, watching your every reaction.

Letting your hand fall away from his face, it rested on your thigh as you let out another high-pitched moan. Without stopping his tongue, Miguel released his grip on your leg and took your hand in his. You looked down at him and squeezed his hand while he continued swirling his tongue over your pussy.

"Don't stop," you panted, your stomach tensing from his movement. He tightened his grip in two quick pulses, and even though his mouth never left your cunt, you could practically hear the words he was thinking—I won't.

Your legs were shaking now, and you barely had the strength to keep yourself up off the bed. Pleasure was taking over your body and coiling at your stomach. Miguel knew you were close by the quickening of your breath and the tightening of your grip, his tongue maintaining its steady pressure.

Finally, with a loud cry, your body began trembling under his touch. You squeezed his hand hard as you came against his mouth. The feeling of ecstasy burned in every part of your body while you struggled to breathe from the pleasure that had now completely overwhelmed you.

Miguel eased his pace to lazy circles, his eyes alight with smug satisfaction. You writhed under his mouth, growing restless from the overstimulation you were beginning to feel. "Oh, fuck," you gasped, moving your hips to escape his warm tongue. He let you move away from his face, releasing his grip on your hand and thigh.

Miguel pushed himself off the ground and began crawling over your body. "See?" he said in satisfaction, sounding out of breath. "I'll always take care of you." You moaned again, still trying to recover from your high. "Careful O'Hara," you managed to say. "Don't make promises you can't keep."

He smirked down at you, his lips and chin glistening with your wetness. Pushing forward, his body forced yours down. You wrapped one arm around his shoulders, clinging to him to keep from laying on the bed. "Not like this—my stitches," you whispered.

Miguel froze for a second before placing a hand behind your back to help you up. "How do you want it?" He asked quietly. You took a second and bit your lip as you considered the myriad of ways he could fuck you.

"Like before," you decided finally.

His subtle smile returned, and he rolled off of your body and onto the bed. Pulling yourself up, you straddled him again, though perhaps not so fast since you were still hazy from your orgasm. His hands guided you back down to where his cock was waiting for you.

Miguel rested his head on your good shoulder as you lowered yourself slowly back down on him. His hot breath fanned against your skin as he groaned at the feeling of your wet pussy around him. You let out a strangled gasp, feeling yourself stretch out again for him. You moved slowly, still halfway stuck in the stupor his mouth had left you in, and everything was still so sensitive for you.

Gradually, you began moving again. Miguel's arms wrapped tightly around you, pressing his body up against yours. His skin felt like fire—burning, consuming, enthralling. You rested your head against his as his strong arms helped lift you up and down his length.

"You feel so fucking good," he grunted quietly against your cheek. "You don't understand...what you do to me." Your nails dug into the skin of his shoulder as he spoke. The movement of his cock inside you made it difficult for you to formulate a response, but you managed to choke out, "Tell me. Tell me what I do to you."

He groaned softly. "You drive me fucking crazy," he muttered. "I can never focus when you're with me—," he groaned again, "—but I can never stop thinking about you when you're not." His arms were moving you up and down faster as he spoke, and you could tell he was fucking out his frustration. "The way you smell," he continued breathlessly, "the way you feel, the way you look when you're cumming all over my cock."

You gasped sharply, the combination of his words and his increasingly desperate pace rendering you speechless. "I want to have you every second...of every day," he murmured in your ear. You were panting hard against his skin while his cock continued driving deep into your aching cunt.

"Then have me," you whispered so quietly that he wouldn't have heard it over the lewd sounds of your fucking if it hadn't been said directly in his ear. "Have me every day."

He groaned, and turning his face, he captured your lips in a kiss. The taste of your pussy still lingered on his mouth, and you moaned softly against his lips. Everything felt so good, and when you broke away from your kiss, you looked deep into Miguel’s eyes and whispered, “I’m yours.”

And just like that, Miguel's body tensed, and with a long moan against your skin, he came inside you. You stilled as he held you tightly against his body. Beside the sound of your heart beating furiously in your ears, there was only your heavy breathing to fill the silence between you.

You could've stayed like that forever, feeling his strong arms wrapped around your body, hearing his breath against your ear. Your body still buzzed with pleasure, and there was nothing in your mind except that cursed phrase you fought so hard to ignore, the one that whispered to you constantly in the back of your brain every time you looked at Miguel.

I love you.

Over and over, it echoed in your mind, begging to be spoken. You'd heard it nagging in your heart for a while now, and you had tried your best to ignore it. Even after weeks of next to no contact, your feelings hadn't wavered for him.

Now, as you sat there wrapped in each other's arms, you felt those words ringing louder than ever, and for one dreadful moment, you thought you might say it out loud.

No—no, you couldn't. A bolt of fear yanked the words off your tongue. You couldn't jeopardize this. It was too precious to you. Even if this was all you could have, the occasional fuck, sleeping together knowing that he would always have to leave for something more important than yourself—wasn't it better than nothing? Wasn't it better than before when you were all alone? Especially now that he admitted to feeling something real for you, you couldn't ruin it with those three words.

Miguel finally moved when he turned his head toward yours. Your noses brushed against each other for moment as you both gasped for breath before your lips pressed down on his. You moaned against him softly. Still holding your body to his, he leaned back against the bed, bringing you down with him so that you lay on his chest.

After your breathing began leveling out, you shifted, allowing his cock to pull out of you with a groan. You slid off his chest onto your good shoulder with your body still pressed against his. You lay there like that for a while in comfortable silence, enjoying the feeling of each other's warm skin.

"It's been too long," Miguel sighed, finally breaking the silence. You smiled. "And whose fault is that?" You asked as you looked up at him. A small smile formed on his lips. "You were the one who swore you'd catch Ghost," he pointed out. "Is it my fault for believing you?"

You scoffed. "It's your fault for making that stupid rule in the first place," you argued. There was a quiet chuckle that rumbled in his chest. "It's called compromise, sweetheart," he said smoothly. "I can't let you have everything you want."

You tried to keep a straight face, but his snark caused your lips to quirk upward. "And why not?" You demanded to know, propping yourself up onto your elbow to look deep in his eyes.

Miguel looked at you with a subtle smile still adorning his face. "Because then everyone is going to complain about how I favor you over everyone else," he replied evenly. "And then, one by one, they'll all leave until it's just you and me."

You hummed thoughtfully. "That doesn't sound so bad," you said, settling back down next to him. "Just you and me against the multiverse."

He hummed as well. "Just you and me," he repeated, and in his voice, you could hear him imagining it, the two of you together across every universe.

You had imagined it before, too. You and Miguel, together, always, through everything. It was such a sweet dream, and yet the truth was the bitter chaser that always followed your longing—different dimensions, different lives. What future could you have together?

If Miguel was thinking the same thing, he didn't say it. He seemed content to just lay with you in silence while his fingers gently caressed your arm.

After a moment, you sighed. You could feel Miguel's head turn to look down at you in curiosity.

"You know, I meant what I said before," you told him softly.

"Hmm?"

"About being more than just a fling you can ignore outside of the bedroom," you explained.

"Ah."

You felt his head turn back up to stare at the ceiling, but his fingers still brushed against your skin. "I mean, is that what you still want?" You asked, lifting your gaze to look at his face. "Be honest."

There was a beat of silence before he quietly answered, "No."

You waited, hoping he would say more. He sounded almost reluctant in his reply, so you could tell there was more to it.

It was Miguel's turn to sigh. "I don't—I don't want this to be casual either," he began slowly. "I want it to be real, but I can't give up my work here. I won't. And one day, you'll hate me for not putting you first."

You scoffed lightly at those last words. "I could never hate you," you told him. There was a slight pause before he muttered, "Don't be so sure."

It could've been a joke, but the way he said it was so serious, it made you pause, and looking up at his face, you found there wasn't any traces of humor. You pushed yourself up a bit to face him better. His eyes moved back to you, and you held his stare for a moment.

"I could never hate you," you repeated in a soft, earnest whisper. Miguel didn't respond, he only watched you carefully before a tiny, sad smile pulled at his lips, looking as though he wanted to believe you.

"Careful," he murmured. "Don't make promises you can't keep."

You smirked at him and leaned in close. "I'll try my best not to," you said before closing the gap between your lips. He kissed you gently before pulling away to say, "And I'll try—about what you want, I'll try."

Your heart leapt, and there wasn't anything you could do to contain your smile. "Thank you," you whispered before kissing him again. You could feel him grinning against your lips, and his arms pulled you close. When you broke apart, you settled back down next to him.

"If they all start complaining though, I'm blaming you," he said. You chuckled. "Fair is fair," you replied. "If they don't like it, they can leave." He huffed in amusement. "Until it's just you and me?" He asked.

"Until it's just you and me."

[the-lonelyshepherd]

wrote up a whole thing on salmon for my friend @wherethatoldtraingoes2 so figured i would share. keep in mind there might be inaccuracies this is all straight from my evil twisted mind

so before we get into the history of salmon farming, we gotta look at 18th century and talk about a man named robert bakewell so bakewell was an english farmer who changed the way people bred livestock by introducing selective breeding with sheep before bakewell, most farmers just let animals breed however they wanted but bakewell realized that if he picked the best animals to breed, he could create sheep that were bigger, had more meat, and better wool his methods completely changed farming and became the basis for modern animal breeding eventually, these ideas found their way to fish farming, particularly in norway, where salmon farmers took bakewell’s selective breeding techniques and applied them to salmon by controlling which fish were allowed to breed and in what conditions, norwegian farmers were able to produce salmon that grew faster and were more suited to farming environments than wild salmon it was all about efficiency—creating more fish in less time with fewer resources and in many ways they pulled it off, just like bakewell did with his sheep righr

salmon farming as we know it really started to take off in the 1970s, though the practice itself stretches back centuries, if not millennia, to indigenous peoples in the pacific northwest who had been managing salmon runs long before the arrival of european settlers!!!!  but the industrial scale farming that now dominates the industry was born in norway, where the cold, clean waters and deep fjords provided the ideal environment for salmon aquaculture (yayyy) 

norwegian scientists and entrepreneurs began experimenting with breeding salmon in captivity after the collapse of wild fisheries due to overfishing and pollution . the reason it worked better than the sheep is simply bc salmon reproduce so fast and have so many babies compared to like sheep or cows so the advances in efficiency happened way faster and with way more strains of salmon to choose from. rught so during the 20th century they developed methods to breed and raise salmon in ocean pens, which allowed them to mass-produce fish to meet growing demand by the 1980s, salmon farming had spread to scotland, canada, and chile (current second biggest producer i think) creating a global industry that produced millions of tons of fish every year by the 1990s, the boom had begun, and salmon farming was celebrated as a solution to the world's hunger for fish without further depleting already strained wild populations

but the expansion of salmon farms has come with a slew of environmental and social consequences the dense concentration of fish in the pens creates an ideal breeding ground for DIESEASESSSSS, parasites, and pollution …. sea lice infestations are one of the most notorious problems cause they often spread to wild salmon passing near the farms, weakening the wild fish populations that are already vulnerable due to habitat loss and climate change etc etc etc we’re overdeveloping our waterways that salmon have relied on for FOREVER. salmon farms also release vast amounts of waste into the surrounding waters like uneaten food, feces, and chemicals used to treat diseases so this can lead to eutrophication which js a process where excess nutrients in the water create algal blooms that deplete oxygen levels, harming local ecosystems and killing off marine life :(( oh and the  feed used for farmed salmon often relies on wild-caught fish like anchovies and sardines, which means that farming salmon doesn't actually reduce pressure on wild fish stocks—it just shifts the burden to other species!! crazy!!!

then there's the issue of escapees in rough weather or when nets tear, so farmed salmon can escape from their pens and mingle with wild populations in places like norway and canada, these farmed fish can interbreed with wild salmon, diluting the genetic pool and making the wild fish less fit for survival cause the farmed salmon are bred to grow quickly and resist diseases, but in the wild, they can disrupt the delicate balance of local ecosystems bc they compete with native species for food and spawning grounds in some places, like chile i think. farmed salmon are an entirely non-native species, and their escape has led to the establishment of feral populations that are altering local food chains because farmed salmon are literally like a whole speetare thing at this point compared to wild salmon

then there there are human costs too cause rise of industrial salmon farming has displaced small-scale fishers and indigenous people who relied on wild salmon runs for their livelihoods in places like alaska and scotland, fishing communities that once thrived on the seasonal rhythm of wild salmon harvests now find themselves sidelined by multinational corporations that control the aquaculture industry the sheer scale of salmon farming has made it difficult for wild-caught fish to compete in the marketplace cause  farmed salmon are cheaper to produce and can be sold year-round, while wild salmon are seasonal and much more expensive to catch for obvious reasons. this shift transformed the global salmon market and altered the cultural significance of the fish in many regions where salmon fishing was once a way of life,,, leaving places feeling. placeless 

so rn salmon farming produces more than two-thirds of the world's salmon consumption im pretty sure BUT it remains a highly controversial industry while some see it as a necessary response to the growing global demand for protein, others view it as an unsustainable practice that is wreaking havoc on both the environment and traditional fishing communities as well as like there was some stuff about health problemss . is that good . yayy. slaamon 

[the-legendaryphoenix]

I honestly don't usually talk about serious stuff, but I feel I need to say it. Ive been having thoughts bottle up for the better part of a few months, and I have to put them all somewhere.

This will be somewhat disorganized, but I need to get my thoughts out there. These are also the deranged rantings of a college student that is up at 3 am due to an inability to sleep, so feel free to take all this with a grain of salt.

I talk about capitalism, socialism, power structures, future worries, AI, emotional issues, climate change etc in this essay here. If you're sensitive to those kinda things, feel free to ignore this/block me/avert your eyes. I won't mind.

Yall are not beholden to magically change the world. It's nearly impossible to. Mass societal change almost always come from grassroots movements. There's ... no other way to change society otherwise.

Take generative AI and all. Before 2023, it was just this novelty and a toy that only a few people took seriously. Fast forward a bunch of companies tinkering with it and more eyes slowly getting drawn to the tech and boom suddenly we got trade unions like SAG AFTRA having to throw the video game voice acting industry to the wolves in order to get protections for actors and writers. We didn't get that outta thin air. It was a thing that was built up over time, before suddenly exploding like this.

I'm not entirely convinced AI shit is purely a product of capitalism. AI is just another step in humanity's forever quest to optimise the fuck out of everything regardless of whether or not there's a soul left at the end of it. This would happen under capitalism or socialism. The government - no matter how many social programs they have - is not your friend. Corporations are not your friend (we're in this kind of AI mess because corporations wanna make a quick buck remember?) If it weren't to make money off the backs of artists under capitalism, AI would also be used to generate endless propaganda and distractions by socialist states in order to stop the transition to communism & remain in power. (Think something akin to 1984) Both corporations and the government are wolves in sheep's clothing at absolute best.

Im not saying socialism couldn't work or that it's worse than capitalism. I just dont think socialism would magically solve all the worlds problems at the snap of a dictator's finger. Alotta that has to do with power structures that will be talked about shortly. Also, socialism cannot exist in a democracy. If the people choose their leaders, then the leaders have to constantly farm support from those that help them get elected. And it's not really socialism if some people are getting more than others. That's just our current system but you got authroitarianism instead of democracy. And don't point to systems like those in Scandanavia. Those are capitalist countries. The amount of government safety nets does not change the fact that unless the government has complete control over the entirety of a country's economics, its not socialism.

Due to how power structures work, I don't think violence and/or revolution against the elite will solve anything. Violence would only give them a reason to pull one of their many strings to get a government or private organization to crack down on the rest of us. No one rules alone. There's always got to be others that do the work that leaders cannot physically do themselves. This means that Authoritarian leaders must always give money/favor and or turn the other cheek to the ones that help them rule, and that represenatives must be open to favoring their supporters. If that means the government/leader/whoever ignoring obvious problems, then so be it. And for revolutions, the citizens cannot complete one on their own. The millitary has to allow it. And the citizens do not exactly get to choose the next leader. The Americans won the revolution only because the British had to deal with economics and morale. Had they had unlimited money in their vault and the troops were always raring to fight, the Americans would have lost.

Anarchism would circumvent a lot of the needless power structule bullshit. But as long as humanity has desires, there will always be some method of control over a group of people. Anarchism and communism are amazing ideas on paper. I just cant see them working.

Going back to my main point, its likely that none of us will be able to change the world. At the same time, the world can change you. A lot of my views on politics, friendship, and life in general have shifted since I started studying at college. Through this, Ive come to also realize that getting all worked up about stuff is an exercise in futility. Reblogging posts doesn't change the world. Doomscrolling through reddit and tumblr hashtags doesn't magically solve all problems that you see in the world; it just makes you lie awake at 1:45 AM feeling horrible and all. Wondering if living is still worth it gets you nowhere. It just makes you feel like complete ass when the anxiety passes and you wonder why you were considering such things after seeing an image with impossible geometry/the wrong amount of fingers/inconsistent everything.

You're not given the secrets to life, the universe, and everything on a silver platter. You have to find them yourself. Even if the world/circumstances are determined to make you miserable. You still have to find what's important to you. Ironically, I did get that from somewhere else, namely Pokemon Scarlet... but I also practice Catholic Nihlism, so its also an independent thought I came up with myself. [God gave me the right to choose what meaning I derive from life so I'll do it damn it!]

To clear up worries AI, there's always going to be human soul in some form of art. Think of indie productions that literally do their own thing; regardless of what the market dictates. Think of local artists that perform in your local theater, make paintings for your local museum/gallery, and writers that just sit down one day and write down what's on their mind. In that regard, AI's a tool. Genuinely.

Ive witnessed my friend use it to brainstorm/assist in some pretty difficult narration/dialogue for their fanfic. Ive used it myself to brainstorm some of the more complicated logic for some of my programming projects. You can use it for good things actually.

It's like a hammer. You can use it to help you build a house. You can skip the hammer and use screwdrivers and also get a good house. But you wouldn't want to build a house entirely out of hammers for multiple reasons. If AI doesn't prove to be a passing fad, market forces might start working against it. Think of how many people are fed up with disney and marvel's bland formulism that still has humans behind the wheel. If they add AI to rush things to the big screen at breakneck speed, people are prolly not gonna waste their time anymore. They're probably just gunna not give studios their money. AI is extremely controversal too. The fact that alotta people aren't just rolling over and taking it is a good thing. [The deal SAG AFTRA signed sucks I get it but its kinda easy for VA's to just... strike. They can deny the use of AIs trained on their voice. That's ... something.] (There's also the whole studios pushing for NFT thing and how that was a collosal failure. Its kinda an apples to pears comparison, but I'd thought it was still relavant.)

I know Ive been kinda hard about human nature too; but cmon. Most people are great once ya hear them out. I met my 2 best friends from all of us willing to listen & work through the others' problems. Even strangers can be great. I can randomly spark up small talk with people Ive never seen before at college, and it always comes out great. Most peeps aren't chronically online! they love talkin in person!

Humans have the power to work through a lotta stuff too. Hell, even the most frog-in-a-boiling-pot thing known as climate change is being worked on. Assuming no further reductions in emissions are made, we'll end up 3 degrees warming at the end of the century. That's ... dangerous, but it's an improvement from Around the 2010's when climate change WAS apocolyptic. We were on the 4 degrees timeline, and we will not go back there unless we ACTIVELY try to. Even in the worst case, humans and nature are very stubborn. Things absolutely have been worse in earth's history. Things just happening faster that's the problem.

Though if you do wanna make an impact, local politics and conservation are your best options. You may not be able to change stuff nationally or globally, but local stuff does make a difrerence. (Also the point above about local indie artists :P local really is the best huh?)

Starting local also has the advantage of being grassroots. People respond better to changes in their local community than those from the feds. It also affects how they vote, which in turn affects who leads nations and all.

Hence, my point about grassroots, huh. full circle.

You don't have to change the world as you don't owe it anything; but if you feel like it, go for it! Form a small group! Be a force for change!

I know its a bit contradictory to originally say stuff about posting doing nothing, and then for me to turn around and do all this; but I make my own meaning :P. (Ain't nihlism awesome.) I also just mostly needed to collect my thoughts to share with my friends.

I don't have anything else to say right now, so thank ya if you read this far. Means a lot you took the time to read all this.

yeah, have a wonderful day. :3

[allaboutmarketing4you]

Why Did Forever 21 File For Bankruptcy? "Forever 21 has been practically synonymous with “fast fashion” and its massive stores have become a common fixture in America’s shopping malls. But the retailer is in trouble, Forever 21 filed for bankruptcy in September 2019. The brand is now closing hundreds of stores, as its clothes become more interchangeable with “cheap” rather than “trendy.”

Video Source: CNBC

More information about Why Did Forever 21 File For Bankruptcy? Well, complement the information and case study presented in the video with the  article, written by The Brand Hopper:

" Forever 21 Bankruptcy : Why And How Did Forever 21 Fail? A few years ago, Forever 21 was ruling the mall as a spectacular success story, but in 2019, it took a tumble into bankruptcy court, signaling what seemed to be an unhappy ending. Back in 1984, South Korean immigrants Jin Sook and Do Wan Chang kicked off the chain with a modest $11,000 they had saved from their low-paying service jobs. Their first store, a tiny 900-square-foot space in Northeast Los Angeles, catered to a young crowd, mainly Korean-Americans, offering them cheap and trendy clothing.

Founders, Forever 21 | The Brand Hopper Founders, Forever 21 The couple had a well-thought-out plan. They adopted a fast-fashion business model, producing quick-turnaround designs that could be mass-produced inexpensively. This approach struck a chord with young customers who desired the latest looks without spending a fortune. By 2015, global sales soared to an impressive $4.4 billion, with a staggering 480 stores occupying vast spaces in malls all over America. Sook and Chang’s wealth skyrocketed, and they amassed a combined net worth of nearly $6 billion. However, the couple couldn’t have predicted the onset of the “retail apocalypse,” which started in 2017 and posed a threat to nearly every retail chain. Thousands of stores across the U.S. shut down this year, with Coresight Research anticipating a total of 12,000 closures by year’s end, surpassing the 5,844 closures in 2018.

The rapidly changing retail landscape placed immense pressure on Forever 21, eventually leading the privately held company to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in late September of 2019. As part of its survival plan, the company revealed it would cease operations in 40 countries, including Canada and Japan, and shut down 350 of its 800 stores, including 178 in the U.S. The story of Forever 21’s dramatic rise and fall echoes across the retail landscape, yet there are specific factors that contributed to the chain’s troubles. Let’s uncover the top three reasons why Forever 21 struggled to maintain its dominance.

Table of Contents

Excessive Stores and Oversized Spaces

Insufficient Emphasis on Online Retail

The Shift to Sustainable Practices

Excessive Stores and Oversized Spaces

Forever 21 experienced a rapid expansion, going from outlets in seven countries to an impressive 47 in just six years. While many other retail chains were downsizing due to the retail apocalypse, Forever 21 was still opening new stores as late as 2016.

One major issue that contributed to the brand’s struggles was their ambitious approach to physical retail space. Forever 21 stores were not only numerous but also quite large, with an average size of 38,000 square feet, and some locations taking up massive spaces, like the Times Square store in New York City spanning 91,000 square feet and a mall store in Las Vegas reaching 127,000 square feet.

Forever 21 NYC Store | The Brand Hopper

Forever 21 NYC Store The retailer eagerly ventured into costly, large-scale new stores abroad, but without the necessary local expertise. In just a decade, it expanded from having seven international stores in 2005 to a staggering 262. In the filing, Forever 21 revealed that the majority of its international locations were not profitable by 2015. Over the past year, its stores in Canada, Europe, and Asia were collectively facing losses of around $10 million per month. In total, the annual occupancy cost of all Forever 21 stores amounted to $450 million.

This extensive retail space came with a hefty price tag in terms of rent and operational costs. As sales declined by 20% to 25%, the company found it challenging to meet the high demands of premier locations while facing tough competition from fast-fashion giants like Zara and H&M. Moreover, Forever 21’s large store closures had ripple effects on the malls where they were located. These stores were like anchor tenants, and their shutdowns impacted the overall health of the malls they were in.

Interestingly, while many retailers were shifting towards smaller footprints and embracing digital strategies, Forever 21 was going in the opposite direction with its extensive physical stores. This approach was contrary to the evolving trends in the industry, where retailers were looking to cut costs while still providing accessible brand experiences to consumers.

In the face of retail challenges, other brands were exploring innovative strategies, such as opening smaller pop-up shops and flagship stores to enhance the customer experience. This demonstrated a shift in the retail landscape, with businesses repositioning themselves to survive and adapt to changing consumer behaviors.

Insufficient Emphasis on Online Retail One of Forever 21’s significant missteps was their lack of focus on bolstering their e-commerce platform, despite their core customer base being young people who prefer shopping online.

In today’s retail landscape, digital presence has become crucial for survival, and most stores rely on it to thrive. For brands targeting younger consumers, digital is the driving force behind their business. Although Forever 21 claimed that 16% of their sales came from online channels, they seemingly missed the mark on realizing the potential of online retail.

Brands like ASOS or Fashion Nova, with their strong online presence, understood the preference of digitally-savvy customers who prefer to shop online, try on the items, and easily return them if needed.

While outdated retail businesses that ignore current trends are facing closures, completely dismissing the value of physical stores might not be entirely accurate. The key lies in paying attention to customers’ changing preferences and desires in this ever-evolving retail landscape.

The Shift to Sustainable Practices One of the most significant missteps made by Forever 21’s leadership was their failure to recognize a crucial shift in consumer attitudes towards fast fashion. The once successful business model thrived until the world woke up to the urgent realities of climate change.

As awareness of environmental issues grew, the fashion industry faced increasing scrutiny for its significant contribution to global carbon emissions and wastewater. Fast fashion, with its focus on synthetic fabrics and rapid production, shouldered much of the blame for these alarming statistics, as it generated enormous amounts of waste. The younger generation, in particular, took charge of the sustainability movement, demanding that businesses take responsibility for their environmental impact. Many former fast-fashion enthusiasts, once loyal to stores like Forever 21, abandoned them in favor of clothing that was more durable and eco-friendly, eschewing the throwaway culture associated with fast fashion. Young consumers are now much more conscious of sustainability issues and willing to invest in higher quality, longer-lasting clothing. The days of frequenting fast-fashion stores multiple times a year are waning, as Gen Zers prioritize brands that align with their values and demonstrate genuine commitment to sustainability.

To survive in this changing landscape, companies like Forever 21 need to integrate sustainability efforts into all aspects of their business, not just in their product offerings. It’s not enough to create sustainable collections; they must also reflect their values in marketing, messaging, and online engagement with customers.

Zara and H&M were commended for rolling out sustainable collections in response to this growing demand, showcasing the industry’s trend towards upcycling, recycling, and clothing rental as part of their commitment to sustainability. For Forever 21 and others, embracing sustainability is no longer an option but a necessity to stay relevant and appealing to the environmentally-conscious consumer base. "

To read the full article and view images  from the article, visit thebrandhopper. com

  - Source of the article:  thebrandhopper. com

- Video Source: CNBC

#mktmarketing4you #corporatestrategy #marketing #M4Y #lovemarketing #IPAM #ipammarketingschool #ContingencyPlanning #virtual #volunteering #project #Management #Economy #ConsumptionBehavior #BrandManagement #ProductManagement #Logistics #Lifecycle #Brand #Neuromarketing #McKinseyMatrix #Viralmarketing #Facebook #Marketingmetrics #icebergmodel #EdgarScheinsCultureModel #GuerrillaMarketing #STARMethod #7SFramework #gapanalysis #AIDAModel #SixLeadershipStyles #MintoPyramidPrinciple #StrategyDiamond #InternalRateofReturn #irr #BrandManagement #dripmodel #HoshinPlanning #XMatrix #backtobasics #BalancedScorecard #Product #ProductManagement #Logistics #Branding #freemium #businessmodel #business #4P #3C #BCG #SWOT #TOWS #EisenhowerMatrix #Study #marketingresearch #marketer #marketing manager #Painpoints #Pestel #ValueChain # VRIO #marketingmix

[benjaminsblog]

San Diego (pt. 1)

I headed to California for the second time this year (woe is me) to work on another tennis tournament, this time a little further south! It’s on a smaller scale to Indian Wells – fewer courts and fewer operators. In fact, little ol’ me is flying solo – I’m entirely on my own for ten days, and I’m quite excited to tackle the challenge. It may mean a few long days due to having no relief, but I’m banking on the tail-end of the week (when there are fewer matches) rewarding me with a dose of free time.

The travel day was a tale of two halves; my connecting 8hr flight to JFK went super smoothly – I watched a film, had a solid kip, and even had some very good grub. But things went downhill after getting through security – my 5:10pm flight to SAN was delayed numerous times before eventually being cancelled, but I was placed on a 9:50pm flight which itself took forever to actually leave the tarmac (I was too tired/fed up to ask what the issue was, but I am fairly certain it affected many flights). The net result meant that I left the east coast at 11:30pm, and landed in SAN at 2am local time, as opposed to the scheduled 8:30pm.

I picked up my hire car with relative ease and drove 6 minutes to the hotel (door-to-door = 27 hours), where I was at long last greeted by a mahoosive bed that is certainly going to do me some good over the next couple of nights. Although, not this night morning, because it’s already approaching 4am and I have to get up in 4 hours…what is it with me and flying to the States?!

[morsesnotes]

Another example (thank you @librawritesstuff for reminding me of this and helping me find it):

Damian: The death of Morse’s father was a particularly beautifully written and performed scene which I suspect lesser writers might have overburdened with unnecessary dialogue. I’m curious as to whether this scene, and indeed the others with Cyril Morse, were always written with such brilliant understatement with so many wonderful implicit thoughts and emotions?

Russ: Well, you’d better add me to the lesser writers roster. In a fairly late draft, I think, Morse pere’ had goaded Endeavour during that first visit with a reference to Susan Fallon – (Bryce-Morgan). Something along the lines of ‘D’you ever see that girl?’ Which Endeavour hadn’t answered. It was there as a kind of rebuke – Cyril Morse mocking his son for his high-falutin’ ambitions – university, etc. He was, in effect, reminding Endeavour that for all his airs, girls like Susan Fallon would be forever out of his class. And – as I say – Endeavour left it hanging.

And then the final scene – when Endeavour visits Cyril, who is by this time comatose… I revisited it. Endeavour lays bare his soul – and is only able to do it when his father is no longer in a state to respond or make comment. He describes his feelings at having lost Susan. And then the final line was ‘Is that how it was for you?’

I’d felt that the final question from Endeavour to his father was the kicker. A conversation that they should have had many years before. It seemed to me fairly plain that Cyril and Gwen’s marriage had not been an altogether happy one – ‘I’d have rung it through myself only she won’t let me.’ But that having made his bed, Cyril – for pride, or sheer bloody stubbornness – had stuck it out. And with that question he was reaching out to find some common ground with this man. Was this unhappiness and regret something they shared. Had he ever stopped loving Endeavour’s mother? And it’s a question Cyril will never be able to answer. ‘Not every question gets an answer’ as Thursday warns Endeavour earlier in the series. I’d wanted to deal with what we affectionately referred to as ‘Susan, Susan, Susan’ across the first series. To bring it full circle from that brief maddening glimpse we got of her at the window in FIRST BUS TO WOODSTOCK. The ‘other shoe’ – which had never dropped.

So – that was my original version of it. With the exception of the final question, it had been a speech I’d had in my back pocket for Endeavour since before ROCKET. One of those that just pops into your head more or less complete. An aria. It could have gone in – albeit somewhat ungallantly, though no less truthfully — into one of his scenes with Alice Vexin, but I rather foolishly kept it up my sleeve for the last.

I think it was the day it was shot, I got a call from the floor asking if we could drop it. Both Shaun and Colm had issues with it. That it took away from the profundity of the moment. That it was a moment beyond words.

It was something we’d batted back and forth across the net in pre-production and after the read. So… they wore me down, and in the end I waved a white flag. Hold on tightly, let go lightly. Seriously… it wasn’t so much that I ‘suddenly remembered my Charlemagne’, but rather my Carol Reed and Graham Greene, and the difference of opinion they’d had over the ending of The Third Man.

You know – Shaun and Colm are both bright, smart fellas, and, like the man said, if enough people tell you you’re drunk, then maybe you should have a lie down. I suppose it comes back – as these things so often do – to Sir Arthur Quiller Couch’s advice. Murder your darlings. And believe me, you’d better. Because otherwise you’ll find there are plenty of people willing to murder them for you. In the nicest possible way.

So – there you are. Any praise due for masterly restraint in that sequence belongs wholly to Shaun and Colm. Theirs is the glory. The moral is… Work with good people. They will save you from yourself more times than you can thank them for.

full interview

“In early drafts of SWAY, I think right up until the readthrough draft – ENDEAVOUR kept the contents of Luisa’s letter from THURSDAY. Shielded him from the pain it contained. As with Lewis and the cassette tape. But Shaun wasn’t comfortable with that. He didn’t feel he had the right to keep something like that from Thursday. And so the final few scenes were rejigged to the version we went with.” -- Russ Lewis, Barcroft interview

I really love how much Shaun Evans cared about details like this.

[sandspeeding]

           “Professor, I was wondering if you could check over my rough draft for my assignment. It really is a ROUGH draft so feel free to scribble all over it and ask for changes as much as you see fit.” Rey approached the front desk, watching as the rest of the class made their way out. Most didn’t seem to be as concerned by the work as Rey but most of them were not on a scholarship. Something that was dependent upon her passing ALL of her classes. Not that it was the ONLY reason for her to work so hard, she was actually HIGHLY interested in the class and the professor. He wasn’t like any of the others. Perhaps it was how YOUNG he was or maybe he just had a different approach, whatever the reason Rey was more than happy to stay behind. 

smol starter for the professor thingy @knightofduality​

[thedenofravenpuff]

Life Update

So, after slow months of showing recovery, not too long ago it suddenly all dropped back to zero. All it took was seemingly a couple of days sick with daycare plague provided by my baby niece, and I lost all my recovery I worked so hard for in my battle with chronic illness.

Would not recommend fibromyalgia to anyone. 

Tried going back down in hours at work rather than go back to full time sick leave again, but stubbornness alone isn’t enough to help on a health issue. 

The other day I had another meeting with my consultant and my supervisor and we all agreed I had struggled enough. I had nothing to prove other than the will to keep working cannot push a failing body forever. Best every party involved I gave up on keeping a physically draining work position in a career that’ll always be physical labor oriented. 

Just signed the paper today that shows it is a mutual agreement, I’m not quitting and they are not firing me for being sick. We merely agree is best for everyone I leave. I get my benefits and liquidation, they got their back free in case anyone questions I’m not staying after fighting illness so long. 

I gave at least 7 years of my life to that place. I started in apprenticeship to learn the trade, I had the education behind me to show my dedication. It was my life and identity, and that was part of my downfall because that only made me push myself for too long to stay, when my symptoms became more and more insistent. 

Now I’m back to focus on recovery to at least be functional. Can’t even draw right now, due to the pain and trembling in hands and arms. Even that was something I pushed, as art is my way of expression.

I’m lucky living in Denmark, I have all the safety nets I can hope for as I focus on health. My contract doesn’t fully expire until August and thanks to the state’s support, I’ll still receive full payment until then. 

I’ll be in process still to figure out something else for me with help from the many wonderful people working the system to help people like me. It has been brought up more than once that maybe, just maybe, I should consider disability pension at this point. But that’s still up in the air until I’ve talked in full with my case worker. 

I won’t be in any dire situation economically, but I still got a lot of struggle ahead to focus on getting better and functional again. Future is rather unknown and scary. But I know I won’t be left to struggle on my own. Just gotta take it one day at a time. 

So yeah, on art break again, dunno how long. 

[ribbononline]

team hcs lets go! lets go!

maxie;

Numel/Camerupt (Sandstone) ; Caught when having temporarily ran away from home as a child, the pokemon he's had the longest. She's very chill and just vibing most of the time- she loves to cuddle and she’s well behaved, Due to having been with Maxie all his childhood, she’s seen a lot of the… less then pleasant stuff, and will still fly into a panic if she ever sees anyone attempting to harm him physically. She’s very protective.

Poochyena/Mightyena (Granite) ; His parents owned a Houndoom and a Mightyena, who had two Poochyena pups together. When Maxie ran off in highschool he took them both with him. Granite's very lively, and out of the whole team has the most trouble fighting against Archie's team. She just doesn't get what happened between them. She listens well however, she just…. doesn’t get why she can’t hang out with her sister anymore.

Poochyena/Mightyena (Obsidian) ; The other Poochyena pup Maxie took from home, though she ended up as a part of Archie's team somewhere in highschool.

Zubat/Golbat/Crobat (Mercury) ; Obtained in Rocket, one of the Pokémon issued to almost all members. Mercury was a recent catch of the team, so while he was a little freaked out and untrusting, Maxie ended up winning him over fairly easily with some treats. He loves to sit on Maxie's head and/or wrap his wings around him. It doesn't make seeing easier but Maxie has never managed to get him to stop.

Weezing (Chalcantite) ; Obtained in college, from an old teacher Maxie got along with well enough. She was retiring, and wanted her Pokémon to be able to travel a while longer. So, Maxie took the Weezing over! Originally he'd never gotten a nickname- and even though Maxie technically gave him one, it's kind of a 50/50 chance if he remembers that thats his name and responds to it. His original owner died somewhere in the Rocket years. Chalcantite is fairly slow, but very enthusiastic. He's doing his best. Post-ORAS Maxie let's him retire to a Pokémon daycare since he's already getting old- but he still gets very excited whenever Maxie visits. He's living out his last days being spoiled by the employees of the daycare.

Gligar (Novaculite) ; Obtained post-ORAS. Once Maxie and Archie moved in together, they kept finding items around the house missing, and someone kept going trough their trash nightly. Eventually Maxie (literally) caught the culprit. He originally meant to release it, but Archie convinced him to try training it- Gligars don't normally live in Hoenn, so it probably got here by accident somehow and didn't know how to adapt to the environment, leading to the thefts. Training it would help it! Also it's a ground type come on Maxie you know you want another cute ground type let it join, It worked. A spoiled little thing that loves to constantly be held and cuddled and will demand attention if it's not given. Novaculite- or Nova, as literally everyone including Maxie as this point calls him- rarely joins battles, it doesn’t really enjoy them- but it likes to just hang around and watch, eating whatever treats it can get.

Trapinch/Vibrava/Flygon (Mica) ; Obtained post-ORAS, about a year after Nova. Originally found as a trapinch when Maxie was trying to research in the desert of route 111, apparently in the area this Trapinch called his territory. After days of fighting with the thing, eventually it just... didn't show up one day when Maxie got into the space it normally protected. Kind of curious (and slightly concerned) Maxie ended up looking around for it, finding it stuck under some collapsed desert ruin fragments it couldn't get out from again. Taking pity on the Trapinch he helped it out, and after that it started following him around. After a week or two when research was done, Maxie ended up taking it home, and that was that. Very brash and competitive, Mica loves to fight- and also loves to be praised afterwards for it. Having only recently evolved into it's final form, it's still not used to it's larger body and keeps accidentally breaking furniture.

Volcarona (Tephra) ; Obtained post-ORAS, the most recent addition to the team. Caught when on a vacation in Unova with Archie- Maxie kind of fell in love with the look of the Pokémon, and decided to take her home. Archie nearly got a heart attack when he saw Maxie with it. Tephra is very regal, very large, and (like most of Maxie's pokemon) very spoiled and pampered. She does not tolerate a no for an answer- though she never causes a fuss. If she disagrees with you she will just burn her path to whatever she wanted- very calmly, and very regally. She only listens to Maxie.

She's the one Pokémon on Maxie's team Archie can not figure out how to win over. She just... hovers there. Will she burn you? Will she just let you pass? You won't know until you walk past her. For your sake, have some treats on hand to bribe her.

archie;

Carvanha/Sharpedo (Dusk) ; Caught as a child with the help of his mom and one of his older siblings. They found it without the rest of it's school, and Archie was adamant he wanted it as his Pokémon, so they helped him catch it. Stubborn and kind of aggressive, it took forever to tame him- As a child Archie was just constantly covered in bites from it. He never gave up or was even discouraged though- this was his Pokémon!! He loved it!! Over time the Pokémon finally started feeling safe around him, and they got closer until it evolved. As a Sharpedo he honestly mellowed out a lot. It's very easygoing, and great with kids. It loves to be pet and cuddled- which Archie always indulges, despite the fact that Dusk very much has the rough skin ability.

Grimer/Muk (Pizza) ; Found as a child in a nearby trash dump- the Grimer was actually sitting in an empty pizza box. Being like 10 and thinking he was so smart it thus got named Pizza. Pizza's also pretty chill, and loves to eat and sleep. That said, when it is awake, it's very good at sneaking up on people. Maxie doesn't get how a literal goop of toxic waste can do that but Pizza is a toxic waste goop of many talents.

Poochyena/Mightyena (Granite) ; Obtained from Maxie in high school. Like her sister, she's very energetic and lively. Granite loves to run, and is pretty much always doing something. She listens very well though, and she’s mostly just a good girl. She’s a bit smaller then her sister. Much like her sister, she has the hardest time fighting Maxie's team in battle. She just doesn't get why they must fight <:[

Zubat/Golbat/Crobat (Fangs) ; Obtained in Rocket, one of the Pokémon issued to almost all members. The zubat had been caught a while ago, and had been passed from grunt to grunt- with some... not great owners inbetween. When Archie got him, the thing was incredibly skittish and aggressive with massive trust issues for humans. It took Archie forever to even get it to stop trying to bite him whenever it was out of it's pokeball, but he never gave up on the tiny Pokémon. Eventually managing to win it's trust, Fangs still has a lot of trust issues towards other humans. It tolerates Maxie, Shelly and Matt, but prefers not to be touched by anyone but Archie. Still, it loves him very much- and it's loved a lot in return. Fangs has the best life he can now, Archie always does his best to make him feel comfortable no matter the situation they're in. He also turned out to be a very strong fighter, despite being fairly weak (mainly due to mistreatment) as a zubat.

Mantyke/Mantine (Tidal) ; Caught just before somewhere in Rocket years. He met her on one of his walks along the beach- thinking over his life’s mistakes-with one of her fin being caught up in net. After helping her out she turned out very playful and he definitely could use something nice- besides, because of her injury she seemed to have lost her school and needed the company. So he ended up catching her! Once she evolved (somewhere in Aqua) she got trained to help rescue people- mainly in case a grunt ever got stuck in a rip current or something. As such , while still playful, she knows to be careful gentle and caring when it comes down to it! She's a good girl. While Maxie knew of her in Rocket he never saw her much, and she had the hardest time warming up to him after the teams reunited again. She doesn’t battle often. Archie takes her along sometimes when battling for fun or if he truly thinks he needs her- but usually he lets her do her thing. As such, she was not present in the deep sea cavern fight.

Castform (Missy) ; Obtained post-ORAS. A little pest who wants to get her way. The reunited team tried catching her to help study and watch out for lingering weather effects Kyogre and Groudon might've caused, but failed each time. Instead she got very good at ruining the equipment near the base or that was brought out on field missions. Eventually Archie literally made a deal with her to Stop Doing That in exchange for pokepuffs. It worked! She stuck around, and became a part of the team. She's no good at fighting and never battles, but she's very good at demanding attention. Plus, she ended up helping the team out with the research on lingering weather effects after all, so she deserves some extra treats for her hard work, she thinks. Archie has no idea how to deal with her, but she’s happy and helping out, so… he supposes he can deal with it.

Archie also has a bunch of Pokémon that are by no means actually his- they’re wild Pokémon that he’s helped along the way, and remember and recognise him. A lot will hang out with him, some follow him around, and a select few will happily temporarily join his team if he asks. The most notable ones are;

A Quagsire named Mr. Goop. She was found sickly from having been caught in an oil spill. After having been rescued and cared for by Aqua, she was mistaken for male for the longest time due to her large backfin. Once Archie found out she just had a larger fin then normal for females of the species but what still very much a girl, she’d already gotten used to the name of Mr. Goop, so Mr. Goop she stayed.

A Sealeo named Tundra. Found as a spheal without a group and living in waters to warm for it, Archie helped it migrate to a better environment. However, the thing never seemed to want to join another spheal pack, and as such just ended up traveling around with Archie for a long time. It was always however very interested in battling, and evolved soon enough- ending up strong enough to survive on it’s own fine. Tundra joins Archie’s team most often whenever he needs an extra fighter- Tundra loves the battles, and it loves the treats. Still, it appreciates being able to return to the wild seas again in the end.

A Lanturn named Siren. Found with her lightstem damaged, Aqua helped repair parts of it with prosthetics. Once she could hunt on her own again, she was released back to the seas, but still visits the base every few months and hangs around there for a couple of weeks.

[s-creations]

This Lullaby

He knew it was going to be a struggle. They all knew it was going to be a struggle. But raising Della's children, for some reason, makes Donald feel worse than before. And he wasn't sure how to make that feeling go away.

Fandom: DuckTales 2017 / The Three Caballeros         Rating: General Audience        Relationships/Pairings:  José  Carioca/Donald Duck/Panchito Pistoles Additional Tags: Original Character, Depression, Loss, Loss of Family.

Part of a Series Called: We’re the Three- Sorry, Six Caballeros!

Hey everybody! Just like the previous entry to this, I have tagged depression on this installment as well. I think it's a bit more pronounced that in the previous story. So, just be warned, it's there.

And someday I'll make a happy story with these six. Someday...but not today.

If Della was there, Donald would want her to explain why she thought Jet, Turbo, and Rebel were good names to give children. I mean, really? Those were names you use for imaginary friends. This was a setup for the triplets to be bullied later in their lives. Seriously, what was she thinking?

 But...Della wasn’t there. So, he had to just silently stew. Wondering what her thought process had been.

 More than just her naming choices.

 Donald named the older triplet Hubert, or Huey, after a captain the older duck has served under. A tough but fair bulldog. Built like a wall and able to punch with the strength of a bulldozer. Or, that’s what the stories swapped between the cadets said. But the bulldog was more of a talker. Wanting to smooth things over any confrontations with words before the fists had to come out. A philosophy that Donald had hoped the older triplet would follow. 

 Dewford, or Dewey, was given his name by Panchito. The rooster recalled his favorite childhood storybook that he’d read multiple times when the family became too loud. One that told of an adventurer who saves the world on a regular basis. The main character was brave, putting the needs of others before his own and making sure the innocent were kept safe. While it hit a little close to home for Donald, the duck couldn’t help but admit that the name seemed to fit the duckling perfectly.

 José had taken a while in naming the youngest. A few days passed before he gave his choice to the other two. Llewellyn, or Louie, named after the parrot’s late grandfather. Shocking both the duck and rooster by the reveal as they’d never heard of this parrot before. José was known to not get along well with his family. He explains, while cradling the green bundled form closer, that his grandfather was the only person José had connected with. The elder parrot had passed when José was only four. Far too soon.

 The other two pressed closer after the reveal. Saying that Louie was a perfect name. A wonderful way to remember a good soul.

 It was hard getting into a new routine. When the triplets were still eggs, all that was needed was to keep them warm and keep them on a stable surface. Now it was about keeping the triplets entertained. Fed. Cleaned. Making sure they get enough sleep. Deciding if pre-school was a better place to start schooling then kindergarten. When would be the best time for them to start socializing? 

 “Why is it so hard to find a three seated stroller that can break apart into separate single ones? Do I really have to design my own?” Donald grumbled as he scrolled through the shopping page. 

 Panchito looked over from his spot on the couch with a raised brow. “Why would we need that? We can just take them on a walk together, all in single strollers.” 

 “What if José’s not here.”

 “Um, a duo stroller with a single one?” 

 “What if you’re both not home and I need to get out of the house with the kids?”

 “...We’ll keep looking.”

 The duck couldn’t say this enough times about how thankful he was that Panchito and José were there to help. Trying to balance all of this and worry about keeping a stable job? He would have started molting long before the eggs had hatched. 

 How would Della have handled this?

 While the other two took care of finances, Donald focused his energy and attention on the home front. Even then, caring for the house and the triplets was a...struggle. He wasn’t sure how to raise kids. His own childhood was filled with being dropped off at a new family member’s house every other weekend. Or on dangerous adventures in which he should have and almost did die. Only surviving on sheer dumb luck. 

 Luck, from him, could you imagine? 

 Della’s luck didn’t last forever. 

 The triplets were exploratory the moment they learned how to crawl. If Donald had his back turned for even a second, they would scatter. Thankfully, due to the older duck’s prep work, they couldn’t get into the many places. But that didn’t mean the triplets couldn’t find new areas to help give their uncle a heart attack. Like when Dewey somehow found his way onto the top of the refrigerator. 

 How? How was that even possible? Donald was feeling absolutely exhausted…

 “Do you need me to take some time off? I am sure I can convince my company to give me a few days home to help with the boys and let you sleep.” José offered.

 “No no. I’m sure they're still upset since you left so suddenly before, then decided to change location, and then ask for more time off only a few months later? No, you don’t need to worry about that. I don’t want to get you in trouble.” 

 “I could ask for time off.” Panchito voiced.

 “You just started working. Guy, I’m serious when I say I’m fine. The triplets are just a bit of a handful. I got this.”

 It wasn’t a necessary lie. But it wasn’t fully true either. Just like when the other two asked if he was okay when they first arrived. Donald knew he was in an unstable state at this moment. He was emotionally and mentally exhausted. Everyday it was an internal battle of wanting his family back and never wanting to experience that kind of pain again. He was still angry with Scrooge and Gyro with how they handled the entire situation. Still hurt that Gladstone was so indifferent or angry without truly being involved. Donald would have reached out to Fethry, but he knew how much of a blabbermouth his cousin was. And he didn’t want Scrooge to know anything about his life. 

 What was most painful was how torn he was feeling about Della. Donald was furious that she just left. That she would just abandon her eggs, and so easily too. For Donald, it was a declaration that she didn’t want to be responsible. It was just something she wanted someone else to take care of them. How was he supposed to explain this to the triplets when they started asking what happened to their mother? 

 The turmoil that Donald felt was the idea that...could he really be mad at her? She was gone. Her choice was paid with the ultimate price. So could he hold a grudge with someone who wasn’t there? Who was never going to be there. He wanted to. But he knew it would just drive him further into an unkempt state. Holding a grudge against someone he would never see again. There would be anger burning in him that would never be able to be released. 

 As if Donald didn’t have enough issues with his anger. 

 Donald was brought out of his thoughts hearing gentle coos. Eyes traveling over to the standing playpen. The triplets were starting to try and stand. Dewey showed off his skills as he clung to the pen’s wall netting. His brother’s were more interested in the surrounding toys. But the blue dressed triplet was focused on his fractured uncle. 

 Letting out a small sigh, Donald lifted Dewey up, sitting down by the playpen.

 “You should be with your mother… She should be here, raising you three… All of this...it’s all so unfair…” He pulled Dewey closer, cradling the small head with his hand and it was pressed against his chest. 

 Donald was tired. He was scared. He didn’t know what he was doing. He wondered why Panchito and José would stick around. They were supposed to be living their life in vibrant cities that matched their personalities. Not stuck here. Dealing with the absolute mess that was Donald and his life and his famiy. It was a battle between knowing he needed the help and not wanting to be a burden.

 A small pat to his chest brought attention back to the triplet laying on his chest. Dewey letting out a small whimper. As if he was aware of how upset his uncle was. 

 Donald gave a gentle smile to the duckling. He cautiously stood, collecting the other two, and laid them out on the blanket that had been placed on the floor. Donald laid himself down on his stomach. Laughing softly as the triplets began crawling closer. Babbling as they clung to feathers and attempted to climb onto their uncle. 

 A misstep from Huey caused him to take a tumble, landing on his back. Small sobs bubbling up as his legs kicked desperately. In response, Donald reached out, cradling the red cladded triplet’s head in his hand while the other rested on the stomach. Huey turned to face his uncle. Unshed tears at the corners of his eyes were gently wiped away. 

 “Look to the stars my darling baby boys…”

 Huey’s eyes lit up, falling completely still as he focused on Donald. Dewey and Louie rolled off their uncle. Instead propping themselves up on Donald’s arms, starting at him as well. Their eyes wide with curiosity. 

 Now that he had full attention by his audience, Donald started again.

 Look to the stars my darling baby boys,

 Life is strange and vast,

 Filled with wondrous and joys,

 Face each new sun with eyes clear and true,

 Unafraid of the unknown,

 Because I’ll face it all with you.

 He was crying before he finished. No sobbing or cracking voice, just tears. The triplets had calmed down and were starting to drift off. Unaware of their uncle finally reaching his breaking point. Donald didn’t flinch when José and Panchito suddenly appeared. Each laying on either side of the duck, whose eyes were still trained on the triplets. 

 “I don’t think I know that song.” Panchito whispered.

 “Della wrote it,” Donald replied, “She’d sing it to them every night… When they were still eggs and she was...you know...still here.”

 “It was beautiful. We shall need to sing it more.” José suggested, pressing closer. 

 Donald didn’t reply right away. Focusing on the warmth seeping in from the bodies pressed against him. “I think there’s something wrong with me. I’m...angry. Not just angry, I can’t focus. I don’t know what I’m really angry about. I think. I just know that I am. I’m so...exhausted.” 

 The parrot hummed. Reaching up to preen at the exposed white feathers. “I think...you have had a lot of things being thrown at you. Very quickly. Without a way to fully...understand how to deal with it. Like me.”

 “Like you?”

 “Very much like me. I believe it would benefit you if you saw someone. It has helped me.”

 “...When have you started seeing a therapist?”

 “A few years now. Panchito convinced me to do so.”

 “I can try and convince you as well.” The rooster added with a smile.

 Donald gave a soft laugh. “No...I’ll go… I think I need to go. I know I need it… I’m sorry.”

 “You have nothing to be sorry for. We understand, we are just here to help.” José whispered, Panchito nodded softly as he laid his head on the duck’s shoulder.

 Donald let out a shaky breath, eyes closing as he sank into the warmth surrounding him. 

 “It will be okay. We are here for you and it will be okay…”

 _____________________

 Donald let out a slow breath, scrunching himself further down into the cushioned chair. The triplets were babbling happily resting in their three seated stroller. All being entertained by Panchito while José focused on the older duck. The waiting room for the therapy office was small, with only a few cushioned chairs, a fake plant pushed into the corner, with a magazine rack hanging on the wall. The reception desk was situated across from the entrance with a large window resting across from where the six of them were resting. 

 Donald was realizing how cold this office was.

 “You will be fine. Dr. Bessing is amazing. I have only been with her for a few months, but I trust her.” José said as he took Donald’s hand gently. 

 “What if I don’t like her?” The duck questioned quietly.

 “Then we find someone else. And we will keep doing this until we find someone you do trust. It will be fine,” José smiled softly, “Do you trust me?”

 “Yeah, of course.”

 “Then trust me when I say you will be cared for.”

 Whatever bravado Donald had started to build was instantly broken when the nearby door opened. A robin with short brown hair and casually dressed entered, carrying a clipboard. She smiled over at the six of them. Giving a small coo seeing the triplets before her full attention went to Donald. “Mr. Donald Duck?”

 José gave a gentle nudge, giving an encouraging smile as Donald slowly stood. He was led to where the back offices were. Entering one of the rather small rooms, the large window showing the garden behind the building being the first thing Donald noticed. It was sunny outside, the light hitting the garden path perfection. It looked like it came from a photograph.

 The office itself was small, but rather cozy. Warm and inviting. Even with the numerous medical items seen around the room. A desk was pushed against the wall that was across from the window, framed with paperwork and books, a closed laptop resting in the center, and a leather, armed chair placed before it. Numerous diplomas were hanging on the wall above said desk. A cushioned chair was facing the desk, with a small end table nearby that was covered with numerous children’s toys. A large bookshelf was placed by the window and was filled with a number of thick volumes. Donald couldn’t really read all the titles. But from what he’d been able to see, they all held something about psychology. 

 “Go ahead and take a seat.” Dr. Bessing smiled as she took the seat by the desk. Donald let out a shaky sigh as he did as was suggested. “So, how are you feeling today? I know therapy can be a little overwhelming for the first time.”

 “Um...yeah, I am a little nervous.” 

 “Completely understandable. You’re not used to opening up to complete strangers and now you're suddenly supposed to change your whole outlook? In one hour? It’s a weird feeling. But I am here to assure you that you have nothing to worry about. This is a safe space and nothing will be shared with anyone unless it’s on your say so.” 

 “Okay… Um, did José tell you...anything? I-I know you’re seeing him. Am I allowed to know that? I’m not breaking any rules am I?”

 “No, you’re all good. José is allowed to share who he sees and what we talk about if he wants. The clients are in control as to what’s shared with other members of the family and friends. As far as him telling me anything, he just informed me you’re having a bit of a family issue. Nothing more. I want you to tell me what’s happening in your life. Even if he’s your husband, he can’t speak for your experiences directly. And, I will say this again, nothing leaves this room unless you want to share it. Either here or at home. It’s about making you feel safe.”

 “Okay… I… Where do I...how do I start this?”

 “Why don’t you just start with what brought you in today. What has happened currently that would make you feel that you need to see someone.” 

 Donald nodded, rubbing his hands together. “...Sorry, I really don’t know what I’m supposed to say.”

 “That’s fine. First session is an open book, you just talk with whatever comes to mind,  and it sounds like there’s a lot to tell. Just take a few minutes, try and get everything in order, and start when you feel ready.”

 Taking a few deep breaths, Donald allowed himself a few minutes. Eyes traveling to the garden as he tried to find the right words to start with. A small smile formed seeing numerous daffodils growing proudly among the green.

 Della’s favorite flower... 

 He gave another nod and started.

[cherishingstydia]

Dunno if it's been asked/done before but what about 5 times Eddie tries to propose (and can't) and the 1 time he finally pulls it off? ~ RandoFando911 (it's a sideblog, ugh)

Thanks for the idea @randofando911 I feel ya this is a side blog too and I don’t even use my primary 🙄

1.

Eddie had it all planned out dinner at the same place Buck, and him had their first official date. They went there pretty frequently so Buck wouldn’t even suspect it.

Eddie arrived at Bucks place to pick him up. They do practically live together, but this particular day Buck was actually at his apartment. Eddie knocked and knocked yet no answer so he just used his key and made his way upstairs to a sleeping Buck.

“Did you forget about dinner?” Eddie asked.

“Oh no....I’m sorry I wasn’t feeling well I thought laying down would help. I must’ve fallen asleep.” Buck said groaning as he tried to get up.

“No it ok. You rest. I can order something and we can stay in. What sound good?”

“Maybe some soup?”

“Ok. How about you rest and I take care of you.”

“Eddie I’m sorry.”

“For?”

“Ruining the date.”

“Hey I still get to spend my evening with you so it’s still a win. Besides I like taking care of you.”

Eddie was almost overwhelmed by his feelings other than Christoper he’s never wanted to take care of someone so much. Buck can take care of himself, but Eddie can tell he likes to be taken care of as much as Eddie likes taking care of him.

2.

Tonight was the night. They were going to the drive in movie theater to watch “Grease” It’s one of Bucks favorites. So Eddie had a friend who worked there and once the movie is over it’s going to pop up on the screen “Evan Buckley will you marry me?”

Eddie couldn’t stop smiling the whole movie, anticipation was building as the movie was was almost over. Until the movie just stopped due to some technical issue.

Eddie let out a deep breath.

“It’s ok babe we can go home and finish the movie.”

“Home...do you think of my place as home?”

“Well yeah I mean...is that ok?”

“Move in? I mean if you want to.”

“Yes I want to. I want to so much.” Buck grinned pulling Eddie closer for a kiss.

Ok so still no proposal, but Buck is moving in so that’s basically a step closer....right?

3.

Take two for a dinner out, but this time Eddie was going to propose on the walke back to their house which Buck was almost completely moved into.

Eddie slipped one hand in Bucks and the other into his own jacket pocket to grab the ring. Except it wasn’t there and he couldn’t let Buck know what was wrong his proposal couldn’t be “I lost the ring, but marry me” . Buck deserves so much better.

“You ok?” Buck asked.

“Yeah.” Eddie said with a fake smile.

“You sure?”

“I’m fine. I’m just still in awe of how lucky I am that you moved in with me.”

As they walked in the house Eddie saw the ring box on the floor. He immediately pushed Buck against the door and kissed him before ripping off his jacket and throwing it on the floor on top of the ring box.

“Whats gotten into you?” Buck laughed.

“Oh I mean we can stop.” Eddie said.

“No you just seemed really off, and now you’re definitely on.” Buck said.

“Maybe I was just thinking about all the things I wanted to do to you. I mean this is the end of our first date since we officially moved in, and the first night Chris isn’t home. So I thought the fun could start as soon as we got through the door.”

“Makes sense to me.” Buck smiled before kissing Eddie.

Eddie felt slightly guilty, but it wasn’t technically a lie since he really meant every word he said.

4.

Eddie watched as Buck played with Chris and he could barely handle how much love he felt in his heart. What he wants more than anything is to marry Buck. The family and house feels complete with him there and he knows how Buck struggles with the fear of being abandoned. He wants to prove to him how much he wants to be with him and that he will never leave him.

Eddie retrieved the ring from the drawer it’s hidden in before plopping on the couch watching the two of them. His eyes net Bucks and he smiled softly.

“Buck can you come here?” Eddie grinned before winking at Chris because that was the signal they’d made for the proposal.

Chris giggled.

“Buck I need to talk to you about something inportant.”

“Ok?” Buck bit his lip.

Just as Eddie was about to pour his heart out there was a knock at the door. It was abuela delivering dinner because she thinks they eat out too much.

She ended up staying for dinner and by the time she left Buck was asleep on the couch. The moment was gone and Buck was clearly exhausted. Today definitely wasn’t the day.

5.

Eddie was eating dinner really fast. Shoveling in bite after bite.

“Whoa slow down.” Buck laughed.

Eddies nerves had got the best of him, but no one was gonna interrupt them tonight and he was sure of it. Abuela knew it was another attempt at a proposal. She felt awful about spoiling the last one. Eddie told everyone else aka all their friends it was a sex night so stay away and leave them alone.

Buck looked down at a text from Chimney:

Maddies water broke! Call me as soon as you can I’ll try to keep you updated, but no promises.

“Eddie I gotta go!”

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m gonna be an uncle....well obviously, but I mean Maddie’s water broke. I really wanna be at the hospital like she always is for me.”

“I’ll drive.” Eddie smiled.

“You don’t have to come. It could be awhile.”

“I want to.” Eddie smiled.

+1

Buck laid cuddled up to Eddie with his head and hand on Eddies chest. Eddie grabbed his hand slightly caressing it.

“Hmm” Eddie said.

“What?” Buck laughed.

“I feel like somethings missing.” Eddie said tapping his fingers on Bucks hand.

“Like what?” Buck smiled.

“A ring.”

“Wait what?” Buck said immediately sitting up and Eddie did the same.

Eddie grabbed the ring box out of the bedside table. He took both Buck hands in his.

“I’ve been planning, and trying for like a month to get this right. Do this in some perfect way, but something always got in the way. I realized the thing that makes my proposal perfect is if it ends with you my fiancé then it’s perfect for me. Buck I’m more in love with you than I ever knew possible. I know I want to be with you forever if you’ll have me. Will you marry me?”

“Of course I’ll marry you! That was perfect I wouldn’t want it to have happened any other way.”

“This is for you.” Eddie smiled sliding the ring on Bucks finger.

“I love it, but we need to get you one too. I want everyone to know know we’re engaged.”

[anotherwellkeptsecret]

Alrighty. Time to type up my surgery and recovery experience. 

When I got my pacemaker two years ago, I spent a year (almost exactly) drawing a comic called Change of Pace, which helped me kinda process what happened to me. You can read the comic here if you’re interested. It’s largely all true, aside from the love story part. Tsk.

I don’t think I’m going to be drawing out this experience. It was completely different. I’ve been expecting a surgery of this nature since I was nineteen, when I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease. So, in a way, this stint in the hospital was harder, more personal. The pacemaker was an emergency. The colon resection was some time coming. Not as much trauma, really. Not as much confusion about what was happening and why. But I still feel like telling the story, purging it from my mind. 

I was scheduled for surgery on Monday, the 18th of November. I took off work that Friday so I could have my pre-op bloodwork done and I also took off Sunday so I could start the colon prep. If you don’t know what a colon prep is, God bless you. You basically drink a crap ton (lol) of laxative and spend all night pooping until you poop clear. The easiest version is the Miralax version. If you have to have a colonoscopy, ask for the Miralax. I promise, you don’t want the Go-Lightly.

The day before prep, my friend took me climbing in Memphis to keep my mind off of things. We also went to IKEA. It was helpfully distracting. I had Swedish meatballs. 

I was meant to “technically” start the prep at midnight Saturday by not eating anything until surgery on Monday. Beginning to drink the Miralax sometime around noon on Sunday. I didn’t get that far. 

I got righteously sick Saturday night. My back was killing me and I was very nauseous and dizzy. I knew what was going on even before I started throwing up. I had a bowel obstruction. The second one in my life. I’d had one once before in March and jeeze. It hurt like a son of a bitch. I’m not sure if every bowel obstruction feels the same way, but mine certainly did. If you find yourself having these symptoms, please go to the ER. Bowel obstructions are no joke. You can go septic, which is incredibly dangerous. 

Nausea, feeling like you’re going to pass out, vomiting bile, severely upset stomach, cold sweats, and my back was aching something awful. I assume it was because my stomach was cramping so badly, my back muscles were spasming.  

I live with my mother. Have done since I’ve been getting sick so regularly. I woke her up and she took me to the hospital. 

The first time I had a bowel obstruction, I thought something was wrong with my heart. (The cold sweats, the nausea.) They rushed me to the back immediately. This time, I knew it was an obstruction, not my heart, and I said as much. They don’t tend to be in as much of a hurry when you don’t mention your heart. Didn’t realize that. I’m also not entirely sure they were convinced I did have a bowel obstruction. I’m sure plenty of people walk into an ER saying random stuff for random reasons, but yeah. I was very slowly processed. I remember them taking my blood pressure and because it wasn’t high at all, I imagine they thought I was full of shit. Figuratively, not literally. Because I was, literally. Whatever. 

My blood pressure normally runs very low. I can also take a lot of pain, because I’m on a first name basis with pain. They didn’t take my pain seriously because my blood pressure wasn’t high, I guess. Not my fault I’m a badass.

I sat in the waiting room until I started vomiting bile again. I also pooped all over myself in the processes. Which I didn’t think you could do if you were obstructed, but you live and you learn! 

That’s when they got in a hurry. I was making a huge mess. 

They got me a paper gown and I cleaned myself up as best as I could before the CAT scan, which proved I was, in fact, obstructed. 

So there I was, in the ER, very very early on the Sunday morning before my surgery Monday. I was admitted and my doctor contacted. Since the surgery was so close at hand, they agreed it was best to wait until the scheduled time to do the surgery. I’d stopped vomiting so there was no need for an NG tube this time. Those things suck.

Got admitted. Got a room. Tried to sleep. My surgeon came in and we talked. Got everything situated. At one point my mother told me there was a girl down the hall who’d just had a colon resection if I wanted to talk to her. She was sitting int he hallway with her sisters, eating her dinner. Poor thing had been in the hospital for almost a month. 

I spoke with her a bit. I’m not entirely sure what happened. Whether it was nerves or if I was hurting, but I almost passed out in the hallway. I hadn’t experienced anything of that nature since I had my pacemaker put in. The whole point of the pacemaker was to prevent me from passing out altogether. But I didn’t pass out so...I suppose that means it’s working?

I also pooped on myself that night while I slept. First time that’d ever happened. It was then I knew that I’d literally gone as long as I could before I needed surgery. I couldn’t wait any more. I’d been so stressed out over in the idea that I maybe didn’t need the surgery. That I was being pitiful and my case wasn’t that bad. I could tough it out if I really wanted. I realized what a dumbass I was for thinking those thoughts, but hindsight is 20/20. 

Monday dawned and surgery rolled around. Took forever. I was basically watching the clock tick the minutes by until transport fetched me. I was wheeled down to pre-op where they gave me a hair net. I don’t remember getting a hair net for the pacemaker surgery. 

I signed some paperwork and a lady told me she was going to get me ready. She said she was going to give me a nerve block in my stomach. I was like, “Cool, right on.” Until I saw the needle. 

Holy fuck. That needle. 

“You’re going to give me that when I’m asleep, right?”

“I’m going to give you some ‘I don’t care’ juice.” 

“Oh, thank God. I probably won’t remember this then.” 

“Probably not.” 

In went the ‘I don’t care’ juice. I got really dizzy. 

They swabbed my belly with iodine. 

They prepped the needle. 

I was still very much awake. 

I said, “Guys...” Because at this point there were several people standing over me. Like five. “...I’m still cognizant.” 

Yeah, I used the word cognizant. That’s how fucking cognizant I was. 

Not sure if they heard me. Or if they replied. I was really dizzy. 

In went the needle. 

And ow. OW. 

In went the needle again. One stick on each side of my belly. 

The ���I don’t care’ juice must have been working in some way because while I remember the pain, I don’t remember the panic. I certainly would have panicked if I didn’t have that juice pumping through me. So that was a thing. 

I fell asleep soon thereafter. Couldn’t have been like...a minute earlier? Really? 

I remember waking up in recovery with the pacemaker. I remember the pressure, the nurse asking me questions. I remember being wheeled back to my room. I don’t remember jack shit about recovery after the colon resection. I don’t remember being wheeled back to my room. I apparently asked for my mom, but I don’t remember doing that either. 

I do remember, however, turning over on my side. Because ouch. But I did it anyway and kept doing it because I’m a determined asshole. Monday night was very hazy. I was high as fuck, probably. 

Tuesday: Not a good day. I was in a lot of pain. They gave me hydros, but the hydros weren’t touching it. Felt like I was taking Tylenol. And I have a very very VERY low tolerance for pain meds. They wouldn’t give me any morphine because my blood pressure was too low. (Again, badass?? Maybe?? IDK man my blood pressure just runs really low.) Which makes sense, because that’s dangerous, but I was in agony. I begged for morphine. I pleaded with the nurse to give me morphine. She would not. 

My mother got angry. I’m not one to complain. And my threshold for pain is admittedly pretty stout. I was hurting and no one was doing anything to help. My mother got ANGRY. 

I think they must’ve finally given me some morphine, but I don’t remember. Morphine also didn’t help. Didn’t even make a dent in the pain I was feeling. They kept giving me hydros every couple of hours to no avail. I remember I asked for a heating pad for my back. Barely. The nurse did give me one, but said I could only have it for an hour? Very fuzzy.

The tech forgot to...do something with my catheter because my urine got everywhere. The nurse that found me like that called the floor manager. I hated to, but I did report that my pain wasn’t kept in check. I was hurting so badly I actually reported one of the nurses. The one that wouldn’t give me morphine. I felt horrible about it, but I was also nearly in tears I hurt so bad. 

Hell, the pain was so intense at one point my mother called my family. Like, they thought something was wrong. Very very wrong. The doctor called for some kind of scan while I was in bed. They put a board behind my back. I was writhing, I remember. My family gathered in the hospital to see me in case I had to go back to surgery. In case I wasn’t going to do well. 

It was scary.

The next set of nurses figured out the problem when the scan revealed nothing out of the ordinary. My back was spasming. Horribly. When I sat up and they felt of me, they were shocked to find my back riddled with knots. It felt like knuckles underneath my skin. The new nurses got me some hella icy hot with pain killer and rubbed me down. 

It helped tremendously. My back stopped freaking out, which gave my abdominal muscles time to rest.

At last, I wasn’t hurting. At last, I slept. 

Wednesday and Thursday were spent trying to keep my back under control. At one point I vomited all over my bed due to acid reflux. I paged the nurse to ask for some acid reflux medicine and puked all over the place while I was on the call with her lol.

I never once had any issue with my incision. My entire trouble, the whole time, was from my back. And nausea. And lemme tell ya. Vomiting with a six inch incision on your abdomen? OW.

Getting up and walking? Easy enough. Getting up and going to the bathroom? No problem. Spongebath? Piece of cake. But God my back. 

I managed to poop for the doctors. Fantastic. 

And finally, finally, I got to have food. 

I went from about 5:00PM Saturday to 12:00PM Friday without having anything to eat or drink. I had an IV, and I could eat ice chips if I desperately needed to wet my mouth, but yeah. I hardly had any ice chips. Weird to imagine you can go that long without food and be alright. 

I proved I could eat GI soft food on Saturday and they let me go home.

Got my staples removed the following Tuesday. Had some steri strips applied. Just waiting for them to fall off on their own. 

And here I am. Just lounging, waiting to get my strength back. It’s much easier to draw after this surgery than the pacemaker one. Thank God. I’m slow moving and my stomach hurts a bit when my contents shift, but other than that I’m doing swimmingly. I can’t lift anything over ten pounds until the new year. Not sure when I’ll be able to drive, either. I’ll find out soon. 

This surgery was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Mentally and physically. Mentally because I’ve been struggling with Crohn’s since I was a teenager. I’m 32 now. Half my life I’ve been at war with my own body, drowning in the pain it leashes on itself. It’s been a long road. I hope this spells the end of it. Or at least, the rest of the journey is all downhill.

I’ve lost a lot of weight. I’m trying not to think about it too much. I’ll gain it back. Just takes time.

[juleshq]

*  𝐡𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐠𝐨𝐬  here  and  do  i  have  the  tea  for  you  .  𝐉𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒 is  back  in  bridgehampton  for  the  summer  ,  living  off  the 𝐃𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐎 family  𝟐.𝟑 𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐨𝐧  net  worth  .  must  be  nice  to  come  back  home  to  the  hamptons  ,  i  wonder  what  her  fellow  class  of  2017  grads  think  of  her  return  .  you  know  ,  she  was  known  around  town  as  the  𝐂𝐎𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄 and  for  bhs  senior  superlatives  pronouns  was  crowned  as  𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄𝐋𝐘 𝐓𝐎 𝐄𝐋𝐎𝐏𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐕𝐄𝐆𝐀𝐒 & 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐃 .  i  wonder  if  that  still  holds  true  today  ,  a  lot  can  change  when  you  go  off  to  𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐔𝐍𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐈𝐓𝐘 and  study  𝐁𝐈𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐘  .  either  way  ,  i  bet  she  is  still  very  𝐀𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐄 , 𝐃𝐄𝐕𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐃 , 𝐃𝐄𝐂𝐄𝐈𝐓𝐅𝐔𝐋 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐒𝐔𝐁𝐉𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄  . hopefully  this  time  next  year  the  plans  to  𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐌𝐄𝐃 𝐒𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐋 come  true  .  in  the  meantime  ,  i  look  forward  to  seeing  her  blast  𝐢 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐫 (𝐁𝐔𝐓 𝐈 𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐃 𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐄) 𝖇𝖞 𝐤𝐚𝐥𝐢 𝐮𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐬  at  every  hamptons  function  .  it’s  going  to  be  a  wild  summer  home  ,  welcome  back  .

i  don’t  think  i’ve  EVER  been  this  excited  to  plot  and interact with a group of people ,  u  all  seem  like  such  beaut  ppl  &  i’m  in  love  already  but   i’m  a  little  . . .  intimidated  ADFJH .  anyways  ,  i’m  not  going  to  ramble  bc  i’m  ready  to  get  down  to  business  ,  i’m  sammie  &  i  go  by  she  /  her  pronouns  !  under  the  cut  is  a  long  bio  on  jules !  i  will  GLADLY  give  you  a  synopsis  on  this  chaotic  mess  pls  just  ask  ,  HERE  is  her  pinterest  board  please  ignore  the  sudden  amount  of  pins  of  just  her  , also  i’m  down  to  plot  here  or  on  discord  ,  my  discord  is  @ᵘ ᵍᵒᵗ ᵃ ᵈᵒˡˡᵃʳ ?#3246  

* / BASICS

full name: juliana kaia dicaprio

nicknames: jules , julie / juli 

age & dob: twenty-one , august 14th , 1998

place of birth: long island , new york .

sexuality: heterosexual ( that she knows off )

bender: cisfemale

* /  MORE BASIC INFO

languages: english, french, some spanish.

religion: catholic

education: high school , majoring in biology at stanford

occupation: unemployed

drinks, smokes, & drugs: all of the above

* / PERSONALITY

zodiac sign: leo

likes: dark chocolate , tea in the morning , white roses , instigating bad situations , wine , black coffee , the smell of freshly brewed coffee , talking with strangers , long travels , adventures , being called “ angel ” , popcorn , quick tex responders , products made with silk , athletes , crime shows / films , crowded rooms , glitter .

dislikes: fake designer bags , people who don’t know how to lie , f , people who wear pearls regularly , long text messages , voicemails , men who are cheap , people who chew with their mouth open , humming ,  thrift shops , water-poof mascara , the smell of grass , extensive planning , and arrogance & stupidity combined .

bad habits: breaking promises to herself & others , not thinking before doing , fixating with her hair when nervous .

secret talent: juggling

fears: aging terribly , being widowed , drowning , being buried alive .

positive traits: alluring , convincing , affectionate , ambitious / devoted , systematic .

negative traits: manipulative , conniving , deceitful , dishonest , subjective .

* / APPEARANCE

tattoos: dagger on right index finger , “ devil ” on left index finger .

piercings: three in each ear , cartilage .

* / FAMILY INFO.

parent names: claire boucher & david dicaprio .

parent relationship: divorced .

sibling names: annalise , ashton , keller , & wade .

sibling relationship: step siblings & half .

children: none .

pets: 2 family dogs on her moms side.

* / BIOGRAPHY

i’m sorry it got long

             𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐘𝐋𝐄𝐑’s entire childhood was spent in the spotlight -- her father was a huge rockstar in the 70's & 80's, and her mother a model . Claire spent her childhood between Florida , California , and New York , attending red carpets , premieres , etc. Claire attended Stanford to obtain a bachelor in science but was in and out of modeling in her teens and early twenties .

            𝐃𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐃 𝐃𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐎  lived an affluent life more under the radar . His grandfather is CEO of JD banking , one of the four largest banks in the world . He attended Princeton as the rest of his family did . He got involved in the company business at a very young age as did his brothers , but went on to become the new CEO after his fathers unfortunate passing in 2002 .

            𝐉𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒 was and will forever be her parents pride & joy . her parents were high school sweethearts & got married young -- at a twenty-two / twenty-three . they had been trying for two years to start their own family but jules’ mother struggled . thanksgiving in the hamptons , a dicaprio family tradition the day is engraved in her mothers memory , in 1997 , they announced to their family that after years of trying , they were pregnant .

            𝐉𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒 grew up completely pampered ; bi-weekly trips to the nail salon with her mother and annual father-daughter trips . her mother was her best friend until she began morphing jules into what she thought was perfect . making sure she spoke at least one other language , was active in school , extracurriculars , how she presented herself . her mother cared about image due to her own childhood of growing up in the spotlight . besides the near brainwash to fit her mother’s image of perfect , everything was ideal &  ‘ normal ’ up until the summer before her freshman year of high school . her mother discovered the affair her father had been having for months with a woman he did business with . he claimed it was due to the fact that jules’ mother had returned to some normalcy and wanted to work again , modeling and doing some traveling , therefore he ‘ just missed her around ’ . jules was aware of everything going on  , heard the countless nights they spent arguing in the opposite wing of the house , she picked up on her father being late to family dinner because “ he had work to do ” . her parents tried their best to keep her in the dark for the sake of her sanity , innocence , and view on her father . jules went along with it all , the daddy’s girl in her was in denial for all of the months leading up to their divorce . at the end , her mother got full custody of her .

             𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐈𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐂𝐄 came two “ yes ” parents . everything became a competition between the two , trying to one up the other ; who took jules on the better summer vacation , had the most over the top christmas morning , etc . it  was insanely manipulative & jules there wasn’t a time period where jules felt more alone ; not having a sibling to relate to , she was embarassed to tell her peers the real reason why her parents split , it was so cliché . both parents didn’t take too long to remarry , her father found another stay-at-home wife and her mother lucked out with a lawyer ten years older than she . her step-father had two daughtes & son with whom jules hated in the beginning – it  was a lot to take in and she was used to being the only child . her father went on to have a child with his new wife two years after their marriage . it was all an immense amount of change within seven years .

              𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 for jules had been constantly changing since the news of her father’s affair , she’d spend her summers & holiday’s going back & forth between each parents in the hamptons until her father moved to calabasas to be closer to his wife’s family as soon as the baby was born . jules had always been a wild , reckless child at heart and the divorce between her parents only allowed her to push her limits even more . the two-three years her parents spent processing their divorce were her golden years -- she could not get in trouble with her parents and they never got upset with her . she took advantage of it all and abused drinking , hanging out with boys , you name it . she loved the attention she received from any male figure -- it made up for the lack of attention she was getting from her father once he got the boot .

              𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐆𝐄 was where jules found her safe space ; she could be her wild self , far away from home and only a five hour drive from her father that she still rarely sees . she joined a sorority , joined the exec board , was forced to join french club by her mother , all while maintaining a 4.08 gpa .

           *  ` 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐖𝐈𝐒𝐄 jules has always been a wild child . she’s always had a desire for attention , all eyes & attention on her , though the B I R T H of her uncontrollable desire for attention from males stemmed after her parents divorce . the lack of attention from her father allowed her to realize her dad wasn’t the only one who could spoil her & every man was basically the same . she’s not super close with either of her dads at the moment and sees her father about three times a year , two of which are holidays & every now and then the spontaneous visit from him in cali .  

          𝐉𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒 is a h u g e  cry baby in the sense that she hates not getting what she wants . its not on purpose most of the time , it’s the way she was raised and the nature of her parents . she’s never had to ask for anything twice & hates doing so . though she’s a huge cry baby , she will try her best to mask her actual tears . she does a good job of seeming innocent , she’s that one friend that is super sus & lies a lot & keeps secrets but somehow is so good at convincing people other wise ? she’s a huge flirt , even when she’s not doing it on purpose , it’s sort of a weird practice or habit she’s grown into ? she feels empowered in the weirdest way of owning men and being able to form their opinion of her for them , this stems from her newly founded daddy issues  it’s more so due to the fact that her relationship with her father began to diminish once he moved out . she is & has been on her “ fuck love ” rampage .

       𝐒𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋 do whatever she wants and will hide her bad intentions . she lives for chaos , loves enjoys pushing limits & boundaries . she loves a game of cat & mouse / teasing just knowing she has someone in her grip is what helps her sleep at night . she is a bit crazy . . .  the type to watch someone’s snap score go up . def that type to block and unblock someone 238473 timES . she has an underlying need of approval from others and she almost needs to be liked by everyone she meets .

     𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘 she wants to model & be a playboy bunny BUT her dad would literally disown her if she didn’t follow her family legacy and attend stanford or yale to use her brains for good . she’s in school to be a pediatrician because at the end of the day she loves children and always wanted to seek a job in the healthcare field . she has plans to attend yale’s medical school after her senior year is complete at stanford .

i really based her off of american beauty & angela in the movie ( if you’ve seen it omg ily ) g

[cyncity2000]

73 questions tag! tysm @goodlesson , can’t say i’ve ever had anything like this before but hey it’s not like I have anything better to do rn 😅 

answers under the cut! i tag @rene-royale @teenager-confused-tired @sawafilmtoday @onedoesnotsimplystormthebastille if you feel like it, but no pressure bc this is a LOT and took me a couple days to finish lol

on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? um. could be worse, could be better?? so 5. 

describe yourself in a hashtag? no. twitter and all its shitty hashtags can go to hell.

if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? weird question. nobody?? i wouldn’t want to??

if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? not to be all dan smith on main but like...’come to this please’

what’s one thing people don’t know about you? uhhhh idk. i’m very open about most aspects of my personality i’d say

what’s your wake up ritual? stay in bed as long as possible and then YEET at maximum speed so i don’t waste the day

what’s your go to bed ritual? tell myself i should go to bed. pick up my phone instead. regret it in the morning.

what’s your favorite time of day? 2pm or 9-10pm 

your go to for having a good laugh? macdoesit or drawfee videos on youtube. truly the best.

dream country to visit? i wanna go back to england and france, also i’d love to visit literally anywhere i could

what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? falling in love with my college roommate probably,, didn’t see THAT coming

heels or flats/sneakers? bitch i’m 5′10″ with size 12.5 feet. converse.

vintage or new? vintage looks cool. i am not cool. so new.

who do you want to write your obituary? idk man i don’t wanna think about that now???

style icon? if you knew me irl you’d know style is not a word in my vocabulary

what are three things you cannot live without? my cat, my friends/gf, and my cd collection 

what’s one ingredient you put in everything? i do not bake or cook, the real world is going to kill me immediately

what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? i’d be too stressed to make food for people but i’d love to like. go OUT for dinner with...dodie, dallon weekes, and pj liguori. they’re all just cool people i follow and i wanna know what they’re LIKE. 

what’s your biggest fear in life? failure due to lack of confidence, motivation and direction in life :)))

window or aisle seat? i’d say window but i am long boi so aisle is usually nicer unless i trip someone by accident

what’s your current tv obsession? still supernatural, also brooklyn 99

favorite app? tumblr :D

secret talent? despite my crippling procrastination issues i’ve almost always been a straight-A student 🤷‍♀️

most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? drove myself two hours to a concert in february, or maybe the time i did a really hard ropes course or went to the badlands?

how would you define yourself in three words? introverted, distracted, nerdy

favorite piece of clothing you own? maybe my waterparks sweatshirt bc i had a dream last night that i donated it and then went back to the store to buy it back lmao so subconsciously i must really like it

a must have clothing item that everyone should have? you gotta have that one pair of black jeans that goes with anything imo

a superpower you would want? flying. it’s the only recurring dream i’ve ever had and it’s my only answer ever

what’s inspiring you in life right now? all the people doing big or little things to help. the ones doing instagram lives or sending money or supplies to people in need or just giving me more faith in humanity

best piece of advice you’ve received? can’t remember any. why doesn’t anyone give me good advice

best advice you’d give your teenage self? do your laundry on time. don’t wear...whatever that was to school. just wash ur fuckin clothes. also don’t let it bother you that you’re single the whole time. you’ll get there.

a book everyone should read? they both die at the end by adam silvera. you WILL cry. but you will love it. 

what would you like to be remembered for? i have no idea. being a non-shitty person at least.

how do you define beauty? happiness.

what do you love most about your body? idk being tall is kinda nice

best way to take a rest/decompress? get a blanket. comfy clothes. my cat. put headphones on. put some music on or watch youtube.

favorite place to view art? on tumblr and instagram! i follow soo many wonderful artists it’s great

if your life was a song, what would the title be? Oh No (What Is She Doing Now?)

if you could master one instrument, what would it be? piano or guitar. i suck at both and if i could be good at ONE i’d be happy

if you had a tattoo, where would it be? been thinking about this tbh. somewhere on my arm definitely but idk where D:

dolphins or koalas? dolphins!!

what’s your spirit animal? a cat?

best gift you’ve ever received? for christmas my sister bought me a cute lil box meant for displaying concert tickets and it was the most thoughtful thing ever. also the AMAZING studio headphones i’m currently using that my mom got me like three years ago for christmas

best gift you’ve given? probably when i bought me and my best friend tickets to see the Sherlock S4 finale in a movie theater 

what’s your favorite board game? cards against humanity, one night ultimate werewolf/alien, settlers of catan

what’s your favorite color? porpleee 💜

least favorite color? hmm they’re all valid except for like. puke green.

diamond or pearls? neither lol

drugstore makeup or designer? neither 😜

blow-dry or air-dry? blow-dry but i never do bc it takes y e a r s

pilates or yoga? yoga!

coffee or tea? both but only hot tea or frozen coffee 

what’s the weirdest word in the english language? thanks to tumblr the word ‘defenestrate’ has entered my vocabulary and I do not regret it

dark chocolate or milk chocolate? either. chocolate is chocolate 🍫

stairs or elevators? tbh stairs, i’m just a lazy bitch

summer or winter? winter. cold > hot

you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? i’d still get tired of it :( i need that variety!!

a dessert you don’t like? none. dessert is dessert and it is all valid if i can eat it

a skill you’re working on mastering? writing, working from home, playing the guitar

best thing to happen to you today? currently watching mike gross play old brobecks tunes :’) he also just saw my comment yay

worst thing to happen to you today? i had cheesecake for lunch. sounds good but it’s the only thing i’ve had today besides a piece of chocolate and my body is Not Happy

best compliment you’ve ever received? someone on fanfiction dot net once left me a comment saying they’d almost cried at my story and called me “a true writer” and it’s honestly one of the only thing that keeps me writing...i’m still mad they weren’t signed in so I’ll never be able to thank them for it.

favorite smell? lemon, cookies, fresh-cut grass

hugs or kisses? hugs!!

if you made a documentary, would it be about? somethin gay probably

last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? honestly...probably “who the fuck is keith” fjadskljfd

lipstick or lipgloss? like peyton said chapstick is the only valid answer

sweet or savory? depends how i’m feelin, love both

girl crush? besides the obvious one (my girlfriend), honestly not many? there’s this one girl i follow on insta who’s big in the panic! fandom and jESUS SHE’S SO PRETTY. also the girl who plays kaia in supernatural is CUUUTE

how do you know you’re in love? has only happened to me once but for me...i already loved her platonically for months and then suddenly one day i was like oh. why am i getting the urge to kiss you rn. oh no.

a song you can listen to on repeat? anything by idkhow or bastille. never gets old.

if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? not to copy peyton but i would love to know what goes on inside my cat’s head

what are you most excited for about this time in your life? next semester of college!! i got into a super-competitive dorm and i’m gonna have my own room and live with nine other people and gahh i’m just so excited to be chaotic with all my friends again and meet new people :’)

[porthavenhq]

｡✧*  STATS

Name : Diaval Aderyn Origin : Sleeping Beauty Age : October 31st, 1991 Gender : Cis Male Faceclaim : Andy Biersack Availability : Taken

｡✧*  BIOGRAPHY

Diaval didn’t remember much of his life before he met her, the woman who would be his curse and saving grace all wrapped up into one. You see he used to be a bird, a raven to be more exact that would spend his time flying high above the tree tops looking for shiny things to collect. His days where care free and simple, till one day he made the mistake of flying to close to a net and got trapped like so many of his kind before him. Unlike his fellow bird friends he didn’t end up becoming dinner that night, instead he was saved by a sorceress who happened to be passing by at that very moment. Since that time Diaval and Maleficent, were a unbreakable pair when she went he was usually close behind doing her dirty work or causing chaos of his own. The two would cause chaos and misery in their wake, leaving towns that were once peaceful scared and broken waiting for the next big thing to happen.

It was a good life, and right before Porthaven they thought they found the sleepy little town of their dreams that was perfect for Maleficent to reign over an get people to do her bidding. An at first things were going fine, she was slowly worming her way into people’s lives and Diaval was pick pocketing things to make them quick cash … plus the man loved shiny things it came with being a raven. This went on for awhile till, one day the issue that would throw a kink in their once grand plan came crashing into Diaval’s world a girl….

See for as long as he could remember people always thought he was dating Mal, and while it came in handy once or twice the simple bird didn’t have one ounce of loving Maleficent like that in his body. So he just had never dated although he had cleaned up plenty of Maleficent’s, failed attempts at dating the human race enough so he didn’t see why she just didn’t marry herself at this point. But back to the girl her name was Elizabeth , and she was such a sweet , simple girl who didn’t treat him like a weirdo and understood why he had to disappear at random hours for Maleficent.

He would often watch her work in his bird form of course, while took care of the local coffee shop in town and he would scare off any locals causing trouble for her. It was developing into a nice little friendship till one day, Maleficent summoned him as he was about to scare off some locals he was so lost in what to do that he didn’t notice one of them throw a rock at him. Injured and running late to Maleficent he knew she would find out , and ruin his life if not worse take back his power to shape shift. Turns out it was neither cause once he arrived with a broken arm, that wrapped up and bandage for him she told him of a grand plan she had to finally take over the town.

Diaval was only half listening though, and just nodded his head it was the same as other towns which basically meant murder, magic, and over taking a position of power in the town except since they wanted to stay here it would be for good this time. What he didn’t know is that Maleficent knew about Elizabeth, and she was apart of the plan to gain power in the town not that she was going to tell him that.

So Diaval went to bed that night, after taking some potion Mal had cooked up an fell into a deep sleep so sound that he only woke up the next morning due to his faithful master banging on his door saying they needed to leave and now. Turns out you shouldn’t murder the new police chief’s daughter, is what he found out as he scrambled to get his stuff together before realizing who Mal had in their kitchen … on their counter like a piece of meat. Diaval didn’t have time to lose it cause as Mal was stuffing books into a trunk, the house suddenly caught on fire yeah some peaceful town she picked. He told Mal to meet him at the train station and he took off changing into his bird form, ready to be rid of the mess she had created and also wanting to forget about her the girl he was falling for.

When he had finally had enough smokes to last him a life time, Mal finally showed up at the station spouting a new plan about lying low but still causing chaos an that’s what lead them both to Porthaven. An while Diaval wants to get close to people , he knows that Maleficent will never let him go not as long as she lives… which will probably be forever.

｡✧*  PERSONALITY

✓ loyal, intelligent, dignified ✖ mysterious, sneaky, ruthless

｡✧*  SPECIAL ABILITIES

Shapeshifter : Originally a raven who was given the ability to turn human.

｡✧*  CONNECTIONS

Maleficent Moor : The sorceress he serves.

[shadowsof-thenight]

Flashlight: Chapter seventeen

Story summary: This is an AU Two years ago, the love of your life walked out the door, breaking your heart into a million pieces. He had been unable to deal with his ptsd and you hadn’t been able to help him.Now that your best friend is marrying his friend, he’s coming back to town and you try to brace yourself for the reunion. Will you finally get closure?

Ship: Bucky Barnes X Reader

Warnings: ptsd, angst, heartbreak, depression, infertility issues

Words: 4188

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Important notice before reading! This chapter deals with the aftermath of chapter sixteen, which means it deals with heavy feelings. On top of that another character deals with fertility issues and since that is a very sensitive subject I decided to write that into the end of this long winded chapter. You can opt to skip it. It’ll be marken by # instead of my usual * to divide scenes. If in doubt, feel free to message me and I will answer any questions you might have.

As always a massive thank you to @beanstalk007 for proofreading!

Feedback is greatly appreciated! And if you want to get tagged, let me know.

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As the door closed behind him, you crashed down onto your knees. Tears streamed down your face and you were left gasping for breath. It felt as if you were suffocating in your pain, with your heart beating so hard that it resounded in your head. Everything felt heavy and staying upright was quickly becoming too much for your body. As if all strength and energy had gone from it.

You couldn’t help but continuously think about what the therapist had said. His words, harsh though truthful, hitting you like a bullet, tearing you down and crushing your soul. The worst part of it all was that you couldn’t fight the things that he had told both you and Bucky. Although it had been hard to hear, the man had simply been honest. There was an undeniable truth to all the reasons the therapist voiced, reasons that explained why you and Bucky would be wise to create some distance from one another. You both needed space, in order to successfully walk the path of individual growth.

You would never want to stand in the way of his healing process. He deserved, more than anyone, to get better. In your mind, he deserved it more than you as well and you realised that this too was a problem. Wanting to help others was perhaps a good quality, but it was impossible to maintain if you neglect yourself. You knew that and wondered why you had let it get that far.

You just hoped that the love between you and Bucky was strong enough to withstand even this huge hurdle. That, at the end of the road that you both had to take separately, you’d find your your way back to the other. After all, there was no denying that there was so much love between you two. You felt it, knew it without a doubt, the love you shared was all encompassing. Which was also exactly why it stood in your way.

At some point you must have gotten up off the floor and changed into your pyjamas, though you had no conscious memory of it. You dropped down on your bed, sleep already tugging at your exhausted mind as it kept spinning, mulling over the events of the day. By the time exhaustion finally won you over, the tears were still falling from your eyes. The anxiety you felt created nightmares to hunt your slumber, that when you woke up you were far from rested.

You weren’t certain what woke you precisely, despite the sun fighting the darkness, your bedroom was still dark enough. Your pillows were wet and with your eyes still closed, you touched the fabric only to realise that it must have been your tears that leaked from your eyes during the night. You frowned and rubbed your face, noticing that they had now dried on your face, the salt having left their traces.

Finally, you opened your eyes and found what had woken you, or rather who. Blinking the remnants of sleep from your eyes, you finally looked into the stunning green orbs of your best friend. Her red hair was splayed on the pillow next to yours as she stared at you with a kind smile on her face. She sighed and grasped your hand, squeezing it gently, the small comforting gesture made fresh tears prickle your eyes once more. When she saw them threatening to spill over, she surged forward and wrapped her arms around you, as well as she could due to the awkward position. She rubbed your back and whispered encouraging promises in your ears, telling you that everything would work itself out eventually. You only wished you could believe her.

“I got the keys to the condo,” Natasha said softly as she pulled back slightly.

You weren’t sure how to respond to that and just nodded. It didn’t register with you why that would be important information. When she told you that she’d help you pack a bag, it finally did dawn on you and you remembered all the happy memories that had been made in that place. You wondered for a moment if you should taint that with your current disposition. Natasha, of course, wouldn’t hear of it. She simply mentioned that she thought a different environment would do you some good. And you always did like the mountains.

Natasha pushed herself up from the bed and held out her hand for you to take, something you only half heartedly accepted, allowing her to pull you up. As soon as you got off the bed,   she wrapped her arms around your frame again, less awkward this time, whispering that she would be there to carry you through the sadness and that you should just let it all out. Choking out a sob, you held onto your friend, leaning on her for the strength you were currently lacking.

You were not sure how long you stood in that comforting embrace, but the moment was only broken by the sound of someone bumping into a chair. Without asking, you knew that it was Wanda and Maria on the other side of the door. You couldn’t help but smile as you imagined Wanda silently cursing the chair she had hit and the realisation that these women had dropped everything to be here for you, warmed your heart. No matter what life threw at you, they were always there. Your safety net forever, just as you intended to be theirs.

When you exited your room, Wanda was laughing silently just as Maria slipped into the bathroom. Apparently, it had not been Wanda who had walked into your furniture as you had expected. It was, instead, an uncharacteristically clumsy moment for Maria as she tried to get herself to the toilet. When she came back, she apologised as she suddenly got nauseous and wanted to play it safe. Any concerns for her health were waved away when she explained that she had eaten something bad the night before and that she would be perfectly fine.

Less than an hour later, you found yourself in the backseat of Maria’s SUV, seated next to Wanda. The cabin was at least an hour and a half from your apartment. During the drive, you learned that Maria had thought that a change in scenery would do you some good and the others had readily agreed with that. Together, they had quickly arranged this weekend away. You didn’t necessarily disagree with their plans, though you wondered how much fun you would be. You still felt a massive lack of energy, but then again, the cabin couldn’t be worse than wallowing at home on your own.

Upon arrival, the four of you sat down in the cozy living room of the holiday home. There, the girls asked you to tell them what the therapist had told. Not to make you relive it, but to help you make sense of it all. To help you work through it. By the end of the conversation, Wanda was ready to knock on the man’s door and tell him off for hurting your feelings with Maria following suit with the promise of controlled violence. You chuckled at their antics, knowing they wished they could erase your pain. It wasn’t until they were quiet once again that you noticed Natasha had not spoken yet and her solemn face told you all you needed to know about her opinion. Carefully, she muttered that there might be some truth to his words and though it hurt to hear, you could only agree.

The therapist had opened your eyes to your own behaviour and it had been long overdue. Those years without Bucky had been spent in pain, wallowing, and you had been standing still because of it. You hadn’t dealt with any of your issues and instead just went through the motions. As if your life no longer mattered, as if it stopped the moment he stepped out of the door and took your self worth with him. It was unfair to place all that on Bucky and you hadn’t meant to do it. It had placed an incredible amount of responsibility on Bucky’s shoulders, which had consumed him with guilt. Now, you could not longer deny your own share in the blame. He had done you wrong, yes, but you had stopped living, stopped fighting for yourself and that was not his burden to bear.

You knew you needed to change your behaviour, needed to allow yourself to feel all the pain and uncertainty that you had tried to drone out. You needed to get back to you again. To allow yourself to care for others, without forgetting yourself. If you kept neglecting yourself you’d be no good to anyone in the long haul and you might even drag Bucky down with you.

The amazing women that you called your friends just wanted to know how they could help you.If only you could tell them. You simply didn’t know where to start. To give you some reprieve of that question, Maria suggested a walk in the crisp mountain air. She was convinced a good exercise would help you collect your thoughts. You weren’t as certain, though the walk did sound nice. It would serve as a nice distraction while you mulled over everything that had happened in the last 24 hours.

During the walk, not much was said besides the occasional comment on the weather and the beautiful surroundings. The atmosphere was calm and comfortable. And as Maria had suspected the exercise helped calm you down considerably, it soothed your nerves and was almost enough to make you fully relaxed. It would have, had it not been for Natasha and the tensing of her shoulders. She didn’t say anything and even smiled and laughed with the rest of you, but there was something about her demeanour that told you that something was up. Of course, she denied it when you asked her about it and though you wished to know, you decided not to push the subject in that moment. Knowing full well that you’d find out eventually. She had never kept anything from you, she just usually wanted to work it out for herself first.

“I have a plan!” Wanda suddenly exclaimed as you were on the way back to the cabin.

Maria, who had been walking next to her in silence, jumped at the sudden sound and you and Natasha could not help but laugh loudly. Maria was not easy to scare, she rarely ever jumped and you were all glad to have been a witness. Maria jokingly glared as Wanda smiled sweetly. Wanda linked her arm through one of the brunette’s and pulled her close enough to peck her cheek.  

“So, what about that plan of yours?” Natasha asked once all the giggles had stopped.

“I was thinking a light dinner, followed by lots of wine and snacks?” Wanda said with a bright smile while walking backwards so she could see both you and Natasha, “We can talk smack about anyone and everyone that has ever even attempted to slight us.”

She winked at you as she finished and you shook your head with a smile, understanding full well that she wanted to give you the opportunity to badmouth Bucky. Which was incredibly sweet of her, even if you had no intention of doing so. Not only did you see no need to speak ill of your handsome ex-boyfriend, you were also not about to make them listen to you badmouthing their friend. It was something you had done when he left all those years ago, and for good reason, but he had no fault in the current situation. Or at least not all blame could be put on him.

Bucky was not unproblematic, by any means, but he was a good guy. And you loved him. Even if you were not together now, or anytime soon, that part didn’t change. You would probably always love him.

“And may I also suggest that you go and take a nap, while we get the supplies for our night of drinking?” Wanda offered as she watched a yawn escape your lips. You chuckled and tried to suppress another one. You had tried to hide your exhaustion the entire walk, but the uneasy night was quickly catching up with you.

“Sounds like a solid plan,” you agreed as you opened the door to the cabin and went straight to the bedroom that you and Natasha had claimed that morning. There, you dropped back onto the bed with a deep sigh. Natasha came in after you and smiled as she bent over her suitcase to grab her wallet and a shopping bag.

“Have a nice nap, I might just join you in a bit,” she confessed as she rubbed a hand over her face.

“As long as I get to be the big spoon,” you winked and she barked out a laugh as she walked towards the bed.

Over the years, the two of you had often shared a bed and Natasha always ended up spooning you. Perhaps because she was so used to cuddling up to Clint, they had been together awfully long after all. It had become a bit of a running joke where you’d tell Clint that the cuddling was so good that you might steal her from him and Natasha would then inform you that you’d stand a good chance of winning that fight. Of course this would prompt Clint in showing some cliche display of affection for his lover, after which she would come back on that claim.

Natasha was still smiling as she leaned over you and placed a kiss on your forehead before walking out of the bedroom and closing the door behind her. Just before the door closed, Maria rushed by, saying she needed a minute, before locking herself in the large bathroom across the hall from your room. You frowned, not truly registering as sleep slowly pulled you under, you barely heard her calling out that she was fine.

***

The first bottle of wine was opened during dinner, with Natasha, Wanda and yourself having a glass each. Maria denied the alcohol, citing the stomach bug that seemingly held her in its grasp. They finished the bottle in your glass as you went to do the dishes. By the time you were all in the living room, the second bottle was opened and a good portion was poured quickly. By now, you were all dress in your pyjamas and sweats and an assortment of snacks were placed on the small coffee table.

By the time the second bottle was emptied, you were getting significantly louder, which was not how you usually responded to alcohol, but you were laughing and joking so nobody complained. Wanda, with her smaller frame, was giggling more than usual - even at your horribly bad jokes - suddenly finding everything funnier than it really was. At the same time Natasha was barely showing any signs of alcohol consumption. Perhaps she was more quiet than you were used to, but that was it. Maria just watched you all with a smirk, probably relishing in the idea of skipping the hangover in the morning.

The evening began on a happy note, with you all reminiscing over things you’d experienced together. With so many years of friendship between the four of you, there were plenty of memories to choose from. Much like the day that you had worked through the storage space, your dating lives had come up. Another laugh was shared over Maria and Steve’s past, Maria perhaps laughing the loudest. She loved Steve a lot, though very much like a brother and not a lover.

Without the need to tease the men over their love lives, suddenly you all remembered the poor boys that tried to win over Natasha.The redhead had always been very picky, not giving many the time of day. That attitude had only made her more popular in high school. Wanda’s love life was not necessarily a laughing matter. She had been with the same boy for most of their high school years and even though it did not last, he had been a pretty good bloke. Her dates in college were far more enjoyable to discuss in this buzzed state that you were in. Ever since college, there had been little activity however. Wanda was quick to say that she was fine on her own, that it was rather comfortable.

You were quick to exclaim that she was too young to throw in the towel. That a pretty young woman like her would find someone and Wanda only laughed. She knew that this was not the end, though for now it was where she wanted to be. You all accepted her answer after Maria gave her a stern talk that she only ever needed to nod in her direction if she wanted help. Apparently, she had plenty of cousins and colleagues. Both you and Natasha vehemently agreed with the stern brunette and Wanda laughed again, ensuring you all that for now she was just fine on her own. If that changed, she’d happily ask your for assistance.

As things had now turned more serious though, attention quickly turned to you and your feelings. It didn’t take long for the tears to start falling and you wondered out loud if there would be another love for you, like the one you’d shared with Bucky. You understood how lucky you had been to have it once and genuinely thought that perhaps it was a once in a lifetime thing. You could only hope that you’d be able to accept a lesser love, because you were far too young to go on without it.

Natasha had quickly hugged you close, promising that there was more in life than Bucky, though she understood that you’d need time to work through this pain. She even urged you to take that time seriously. After which Maria added that perhaps this was not the end for you and Bucky after all. Just a pause, so you could both focus on your own healing. Who knew what would happen if you were both ready to move on from the hurt and heartbreak. She was right, of course, there was so much love between you and Bucky. This didn’t have to be the end, even if it needed to end right now.

It was then and there that you made a promise to your friends. No matter what would happen in the long run, you intended to be his friend now. You’d known each other too long to avoid or ignore. Besides, your group was finally complete again, you didn’t want to break it up again. Your group had been through hell and back together and you’d make it through this as a group as well.

“One condition,” Wanda voiced carefully, “If you ever feel like it’s too hard, be honest with us. We will work it out with you.”

After you agreed, Maria yawned and you knew the evening was coming to an end. The day had been long and emotionally draining, not just for you. It was time to go to bed. Getting up, you collected the glasses and bowls that had been used and quickly set about cleaning them.

“We can leave them for the morning,” Maria said, as she tried and failed to repress another yawn.

“It’s fine, sweetheart, you all go to bed!” You promised and kissed her cheek, before returning to your task.

They needed a bit more encouragement from you before they finally listened and went to bed. You moved around the quiet kitchen, no rush to your movements as you cleaned and dried everything, before putting things back where they belonged. You never liked to leave dirty dishes for the next morning, unless it was a single glass or something like that. The few times that you had ignored the dishes, you regretted it in the morning. Especially after a few glasses of wine. You were never a morning person, but with a hangover you were definitely not.

By the time you had brushed your teeth and walked into the bedroom that you and Natasha shared, there was a single light on. It stood on your nightstand and cast a warm yellow light in the room. Natasha must had turned it on before she went to sleep herself. You smiled, she was always thinking of little things like that, making things easier for others. Again you realised just how quiet she had been today and you wondered what was on her mind.

Carefully you slid under the covers, your eye on her frame as you tried not to jostle her too much. That was when you noticed that she was not asleep. She lay completely still, though she couldn’t fool you. Her breathing was far too irregular. Her shoulders were pulled up and all the muscles in her back seemed tensed. With a deep sigh you moved closer, that stubborn woman needed to open up a little easier. Allow you to ease the weight on her shoulders better. However, you didn’t say any of that. She really didn’t need to hear what she already knew. Instead you spotted up behind her and hugged her close, holding tight to let her know you were there for her.

“I'm fine,” she squeaked, her voice thick with unshed tears and you snorted, muttering a ‘yeah right’, before gently brushing her hair from her face.  

“Talk to me,” you whispered, not letting go just yet.

“It’s just…nothing, really.”

“Nat, I know you want this weekend to be about me, but that does not mean you have to push your feelings down,” you continued, soothingly rubbing her arm. She needed to know that you were there for her. Being heartbroken didn’t change that, nothing ever would.

“Look if you’re not ready, that’s ok, but if it’s to spare others, please stop,” if she really didn’t want to tell you, you didn’t want to push her too much. As long as she knew that you would always be there, a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on.

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You half expected her to brush aside your concern when suddenly she began to sob. Natasha rarely cried and the sound of her tears broke your heart. She turned around in your arms as the sobs wracked her body and she clung on to you. You had known her most of your life and this was the first time you had seen her in this much pain. You couldn’t possibly imagine what it was that ailed her, though you didn’t ask. She was in no position to tell you now, you had to wait for the tears to pass.

When they did, she told you about the gut wrenching fear that somehow her body was failing her. That she was failing Clint. You knew he would never think like that, he simply adored her. You didn’t think there was anything she could do or say to change that, but apparently she thought differently. She explained that for the past year or so they had been trying to get pregnant and still nothing had happened. This wasn’t something you knew much about and you were unsure what to say or do to comfort her. All you could do was hold her tight and let her cry it out.

“It doesn’t have to mean anything. Sometimes, it just takes a while,” you finally said, your voice steady as you repressed the emotions that flooded upon her confession. This was not the time to let those feelings out. This was about Natasha and only her.

“Have you seen a doctor about it?” You asked when she was calming down again, hoping it would not bring about a fresh wave of tears. You simply wished to know, so you could assist if she needed you. There was nothing you wouldn’t do to help your sweet caring friend through this ordeal.

“I have an appointment next week,” She explained, her breathing returning to normal. Though her voice was still thick and raspy with emotion.

“Are you going alone?”

“No, Clint took the day off” a small smile made its way to her lips. He really was a good guy, though you had known that already of course. That man had been an amazing friend to you. To everyone in his life actually.

“Good, if there is anything I can do for you, I’ll drop everything. No questions asked. Okay?!” As you spoke those words, you placed a hand on her cheek, making her look you in the eye. You hoped it would show her just how serious you were. She had been your rock for so long, it was about time you could return that favour. Preferably a million times over.

“Thanks, Y/n.” She smiled as she leaned into your sideways hug.

“What are friends for,” you whispered and held her close, rubbing her back, soothing her until she finally fell asleep.

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Chapter eighteen