#this sparks so much joy for me!! ^w^
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rin (and friends) spotted!
still learning clip studio, have another ppgz vocaloid edit
#rin (and friends) spotted!#vocaloid and ppgz in the same post!!! i’m so happy wow!!#this sparks so much joy for me!! ^w^
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I was looking thru your blog recently and I just wanna let you know every time you’ve tagged something with “no one’s gonna understand this but connor by systemic dreams” or like “the urge to tag gennadiy petrov” just know I am there in spirit also having Feelings about it lol. Ty for encouraging to read the story, it was a treat to learn abt characters like sergeant matthews and petrov and just experience the wild ride :D
THIS ASK BRINGS ME SUCH JOY THANK YOU HOLY SHIT YES 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I AM SOOO SO SO GLAD AWLAIGHDFH i'm so glad yet another has enjoyed the story THANKS to ME??? and that someone likes my barely restrained connor(by systemic dreams) posting it infected my brain so strongly how can i ever interact with dbh again without thinking of that masterpiece.
anyway words i'm very good at them just know this ask overjoys me thank you thAnk you, matthews and petrov someone talked about them i will scream and throw up out of joy. YOU DONT EVEN GET ITTTTT us 🤝 insane about one specific fanfic ppl don't even know about please why can't we all be talking about this forever oh my god
#thiriumhowls#in case i have missed anything in my notifs (doubtful but just in case) i have still not opened the 99+. prob will not happen for a while#as i have fallen into an even WORSE media LOLLL so we'll see when i get back to dbh#but even with that distance i still feel the spark of joy that people are into connor by systemic dreams BECAUSE OF ME MY GRAND PLAN#all i want is for connor by systemic dreams to be a fandom classic on the level of that one convin fic starting w an r i forget is that so#much to ask smh (i would say /j but i do seriously want that. it's just so good. i want it to be an irl book i can share to non fans i)#(though i do know the good ol story that things getting too popular might ruin em LOL regardless it just needs the recognition it deserves)#anyway what was i saying do i have other tags??#connor by systemic dreams#thank you anon thank you <33333
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Much Ado About Nothing, II.i
#much ado about nothing#i am finally reading this play#the 29th shakespeare play ive read and im just finally getting to this extremely popular comedy#u can question my choices if u want im ok w that#shakespeare#beatrice#elizabethan literature#english renaissance#comedy#also i bought another edition of the shakespeare simply bc. i wanted tah.#this one has different supplementary material and it's not as chunky and unwieldy as the riverside (even tho the riverside is my beloved)#it was only like 14 bucks or so where i bought it#shakespeare: 23 plays and the sonnets revised edition edited by thomas marc parrott#it sparked joy#it's also so beautiful and has so many plated illustrations of performances over the years#it makes me soooo happy i have no regrets#as im getting closer to finishing the plays i haven't yet read im realizing that im going to want to reread them all my life#like i just have an inexhaustible love of shakespeare. unfortunately#so rich in magic and wonder and meaning. he really is one of The Greats#i like a lot of old dead people who wrote poems very specific to their time and place#and shakespeare belongs very firmly to his own time and place but the complexity and richness of his work really is so eternal#his stories and characters are fundamentally human and i do think upon a proper acquaintance just abt anyone can find smth to love in them.#the praise of shakespeare is not hollow. he's Really That Good#ive read so much literature in my life from various times places and cultures. only a drop in the bucket are Really That Good
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“I’ll be fine i just need to uhhhhhhh idk kill” but like…what if i did haha
#my stuff#dear diary and the several thousand mfs who can see it. Despite arguably good academic performance today feels like a bad day#bc i skipped lab to take a nap#and i feel lonely and incapable of connecting more than superficially with my classmates#like i can talk to them and i do and we get along well but i never…hang out w em#or at least not as much as they seem to without me#it’s not a malicious thing i think a huge part of it is groups of ppl living or working in the same space#and i’m in a different lab building than a lot of ppl#idk…struggling to find anything that sparks joy. unable to see the future with optimism#it’s just day after day of Job where i’ll beat myself up on weekends if i don’t do Even More Work#bc that’s the nature of grad school. always homework or literature review to do like i give a shit abt the latter#i don’t care what other people are doing i don’t wanna obsessively comb through journals to make sure i’m doing Brand New Shit#i want it to stop#i don’t want to read anymore. i don’t wanna have to worry about my job outside of work.#i want to cry and scream and#like i don’t wanna quit after i worked so hard to get here#i don’t wanna wuss out#but i’m always tired. i’m never rested or relaxed or truly enjoying myself#why is this only hard for me…how tf is everyone else able to read and remember and understand this much??#like yeah maybe i should be on adhd meds but those are fuckin spensive and a pain in the ass to get#i’m tired of being tough#i want to curl into a ball and be told it’s going to be okay and that i can rest and have it not be a lie or a half measure
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some scribs based on things i saw at kawaiikon 2023 last week, i had a lot of fun! (in which i use minato + my squidkid as stand-ins for myself)
bonus comic + some thoughts about the con under the cut!
gotta love when u think it’d be cool to cosplay but then completely forget to get anything for the cosplay (i forgot to go to look for yellow fabric for a ryoji scarf)!! so u just go as just some guy (my wardrobe has a few items that remind me of my faves).
ANYWAYS for the con itself, i had a lot of fun! something about it was very humanizing, just knowing that there were other people in hawaii who also like persona (and the other things that i am into). i got to pull out my beloved minato nui/plushie and share him with other people which was. fun!!
the cosplayers were super cool too! the femc cosplayer was super sweet and they had!! a p3 protag itabag and it was so ?? heartwarming and cool for me to see that?? and the akechi + kokichi cosplayers being in the same proximity was also very cool to me (idk i feel like they’re just both interesting characters).
and of course the artists were very lovely... i was very surprised 2 see so much persona 3 (thank you p3p for being put on modern consoles) there, haha. i paid the minato tax™ aka that’s what happens when your favorite character is like. the protag. i have so much beautiful minato art in my home now. i am so happy and normal about this. my heart is sold to him. he has such incomprehensible boy swag that transcends the universe. but anyway.
this is very rambly but um idk im just! grateful and appreciative! that other people are out there that enjoy media that i like especially since they were so scarce and far between (other fandoms showed up more frequently). would i go again? dunno, depends on what im into by the time next year rolls around. but i’m glad that i went this year, for sure 💙
#persona 3#minato arisato#makoto yuki#hamuko arisato#minako arisato#mariko kusumi#how do i tag marie p4g when splatoon marie exists. help girlie#goro akechi#kokichi ouma#splatoon#splatoon oc#minatoast#lizzy does art#put the con reflections under the cut bc it was too long for tags for my liking but!! tl;dr i had fun i love knowing that other ppl-#have been captivated and touched by the same media that i have been affected by (yes i know i say this a lot but i just feel very strongly)#also working on this has reminded me of how much i love to draw minato. so hopefully i can draw more of him soon bc he sparks joy for me!!#had 2 get these kkon related arts out of my system b4 working on some other stuff! some of these are scuffed but it's w/e#sometimes i like to draw just so that i have an excuse to talk in the tags / keep reading. LMAO. but dont tell anyone i said that... lol/s
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can’t watch meu porto just know this is me🫶🏽🐉
#they can’t even save me rn I wanted to watch to spark some joy and I just….im not even gonna😭#what a long ass day….its only 3pm but still what a long ass day😭#im soooo beyond fed up w how my schools handling things rn & I feel like I’m at a crossroads#nah being so upset it’s making me physically sick is crazy oooh I hate it here#semester ends next week I’m like…am I gonna come back? should I just leave & get ready to move to ****? it’s just too much rn ahdjsk#I’ve said too much and I’m not making any sense but yeah!!🧍🏽♀️#need to let myself have a bit of a breakdown I’ve held it together for soooo long I need to just unleash it all lol I’m human#hope the beloveds who read this have a lovely weekend<3 hugging n smooching you🫂😚
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trying to explain to my grandma that even tho im a casual i should still have the right to have more than a week's notice when im forced to have 2 weeks off
#like it's been hard for me to save ESPECIALLY around christmas time and it IS especially fucked#that the fulltuliners who do get paid leave are the ones they've got on during the time we have off#why not put in one full timer to supervise and then just fill us up w casuals#it's fucking dumb i should have more rights#it's different if i can't show up for a couple days cos I'm sick vs them telling me im not working#i don't have savings that's not a place im at rn but if id had notice id have saved!!! just enough to get me thru!!!#anyway. why did that turn into me trying to fuckin fight for my life#i have a right to money to survive jesus fucking christ#AND money to spend on little things that will spark joy#there are times i need to just order food rather than prepare it sometimes it's just too much 4 me and yeah that's an excess expense but i#i need to be able to have thag#anyway#ill shut up im just so annoyed#diary
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ik i said i wanted to do at least 2-3 personal solo zines this year aside from the one i already put out but im having such a hard time deciding on a topic?? 'random art zine' or 'sketchbook zine' feel too random kadhfkj. and the only thing ive been MEGA into lately have been my own ocs but making a zine with them would feel weird..also very niche lmao
#also i really dont like the idea of putting my silly oc stuff behind paywalls if im being real ajsdkf theyre goobers free to the world#if i didnt need money i wouldnt even consider any of the zines being paid zines#id just make em all free forever bc i rly do just enjoy sharing stuff like that#but alas...the horrors (being poor + severely mentally ill so i need money sometimes for things) agh...#everytime i sell stuff or make some money with comms something happens like i need to buy pet stuff (food or litter or my dogs expensive#flea pills but they NEED those bc ticks and fleas here in the summer are actually SO bad he needs the vet grade tablets to handle them)#so basically my debt isnt necessary getting too much worse which is good! but its also not..improving bc i keep havin to buy necessities#im not buying anything crazy or nyhting just absolute must haves yk..and yet#oh well at least ppl buying the clothes means ill free up a lort of space if nothing else like even if theres no actual..profit HSDKF#theres two boxes worth of clothes haha...it makes me happy to think ppl will wear them tho since im not anymore#ive been very unhappy w my own clothes augh :( i want to be happy wearing things but idk. idk. nothing i have is sparking enough joy lately#ive bene living in pjs...going to public places in pjs...#very out of character for me but god lol my brain lately#i got some more books at the libraby today when i was picking my nephew up tho :) so that made me happy#theyre all art related !! so mostly pictures + artists talking abt their techniques#all landscape related bc i wanna do more complex painted bgs this year and dip my toes into traditional art a lot more. my sister is#actually a great painter so maybe ill ask her for pointers. but then again thats kinda embarrassing so maybe not#sanchoyorambles#BASICALLY YES MORE ZINES ARE MTH I WANT TO DO BUT IDEAS. NOT WORKING RN
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i literally just said i have no (coherent) thoughts but like. eowyn as dernherm. sooo tasty so crunchy. what if she (sometimes) feels more comfortable dressed as dernherm? what if she feels more like herself when in disguise? what if she embraces being regarded as both? what if she gains as much happiness and joy dressed in a trouser as when wearing a pretty dress? what then?
is anyone else on the genderfluid eowyn train? can you hear me.
#what happens when the mask *becomes* the person?#the juxtaposition of her femininity and masculinity in the books is VERY FASCINATING. and cool to me#there’s so much potential 4 fun!#grrrhnjgrrrhng#yeah that’s about the extent of my coherency abt this topic but isn’t it so interesting to think abt? [grinding machine noises]#anyways#queening my beloveds!! brings me the UTMOST JOY. we should all be doing this all the time!#there are now 3 versions of eowyn in my mind palace: canonical (the very best) one who IS aware of her… ‘distinctiveness’ pre-war#and another one who is not (meaning she comes to learn this as another new thrilling fact abt herself AFTER the war#(supposedly once she’s w faramir :this sparks joy: i’m tickled pink just imagining this 😘😆))#BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY! she’s a protector. of those she holds dear & of her people: first as shieldmaiden then as a soldier of the mark#eowyn
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Hi hi hello! It's me 🧑🧑🧒 again, hehe. Your writing always sparks joy! And I have a new idea for a request (^w^)
Could I request Ace, Deuce, and Floyd with a reader who often patches them up or straightens out their hair/clothes for them whenever they get into some sort of mischief or fight? Like, they clean wounds and uses plasters or bandages with cute designs or fix crooked ties or collars. It's their way of showing affection (like a little cleaner shrimp haha)
I hope you have a wonderful day! Remember to stay hydrated (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*.✧
When Their S/O Straightens Them Out
Characters: Ace Trappola, Deuce Spade, and Floyd Leech Requester: 👪Anon A/N: This is honestly so cute! By the way, like in my other Twisted Wonderland pieces, the reader is not considered to be MC (or Yuu Sei and I have dubbed him in my au) ⚠️ Spoilers/Trigger Warnings for: Book 1 Chapters 24-28 and Book 3 Chapters 33-39 (not fully-centered - just mentioned) and Mentions of speaking lewdly, fighting, injuries from fights, and physical assault leading to almost-permanent damage ⚠️
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»»———————————- Ace Trappola ———————————-««
🪅 Ace has always had a big issue when it comes to relationships. It is literally canon that he had a girlfriend in middle school and when he lost interest he ghosted her till they broke up
🪅 But, when he finally met you, the first year began to seemingly become more mellow around you. Well, he was still a little rascal to others, but he loved to just sneak behind you a spook you instead of dunking buckets full of water on you
🪅 And he was the same until another Heartslabyul student began to get a little close to you. And by close, I mean by stating his care for you loudly during practices, oblivious to the fact that your boyfriend was a mere few feet away from him
🪅 Let's just say the jealousy bubbled over and he threw a basketball at his face, sending the other into anger. And to sum it up, you and the teachers were beyond pissed
"I mean what were you thinking?! You could've gotten suspended, and if you think Riddle would get super angry about a missing tart imagine a suspension!"
🪅 Ace sat there as you began to re-wrap his injuries from the fight, and seeing the fairly deep cuts and scrapes reminded you of when you helped the rest of your dorm and the magicless human and his pet cat against Riddle's overblot
🪅 He watched carefully and pretty much ignored your scoldings in favor of seeing your face flush slightly in anger and contort as you spoke. Ace may not seem like it, but he does love to observe you caring for him. Some would call that slightly creepy, but you found it flattering, he paid you more attention than his homework
🪅 You began to put the bandages away with the cleaning materials when you felt two arms hug you from behind and a man's chin lay on the top of your head
"Thank ya', lovely."
"Anything for the Ace of my Heart."
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»»———————————- Deuce Spade ———————————-««
♠️ Despite what he wants, Deuce does still have his delinquent urges inside of him. He is severely protective over you to the point where others would think that he was forcing you in the relationship. Thankfully you know better
♠️ He loves to see you happy, even if it means others make you that. But Deuce can tell what someone is really thinking. He spent quite a bit of his childhood around people who hid their true emotions, heck, he was even one of those people!
♠️ So, seeing this random Pomefiore student come up to you constantly and act as if he just wanted friendship, but in reality he was just trying to woo you over. Wanting you to leave Deuce for himself
♠️ Deuce was getting angrier by the day, so it was bound for his anger to finally take over and cause him to act out
♠️ All it took was hearing the other man speak awfully gross things of you in the changing room after Track and Field practice. And he took the first hit
♠️ Next thing he knew you were fixing him up and trying to heal around the collar that came from Riddle earlier that day. The housewarden had found out about the disagreement and yelled his signature spell's name, making you sigh in annoyance
"Dearest, I understand that you love me. But you shouldn't have put yourself through that kind of action, Great Seven knows if he were to press assault charges onto you!"
"Y/N... I'm sorry. I've tried so hard to be the perfect straight-A student for you, my mother, and grandmother and then hearing that- that bastard talk about you that way just made me snap. Y'know?"
♠️ You smiled gently as you laid the extra materials aside and held your boyfriend's face to look at you. You rested your forehead onto his as he sighed and hugged you back
"I love you so much, Deuce. Just the idea of you being minorly hurt, nonetheless severely hurts."
"Understood. I'll try to be a bit better, okay?" Deuce asked, his smile enlarging as you nodded and kissed his cheek.
"Thank you so much for loving me, Y/N."
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»»——————————- Floyd Leech ——————————-««
🎭 When you first met Floyd during your first years at Night Raven College, you knew that you would feel sorry for his future one and only. Little did you know that you were that one and only
🎭 Everyone understood the memo when Floyd was around. Do not speak ill of him or someone he was close to, it would only result in the sadistic eel-mer to pop up and practically squeeze you until you had a permanent dent in your ribs
🎭 Unfortunately for a new Octavinelle first year, he viewed the rumors as dumb. He was obviously acting this way to gain attention in that way, there was no way that a puny-looking eel-mer was stronger than the gorgeous and powerful betta-mer that he was!
🎭 Over the passing couple weeks, you have been hiding every interaction close to flirting away from the Octavinelle trio, knowing that either Azul and Jade would tell Floyd in a heartbeat
🎭 But, again, sadly for that new student, Floyd was walking around instead of being on his shift -due to finding it boring- and found the male taking his hair, which was flipped onto one side, and attempting to use dark-red and white colors to attract you. And that was not just going to pass by Floyd like nothing
"Y/N! Who is this you're talkin' too? A new friend?"
🎭 The sharp row of Floyd's teeth poking out from his smile didn't even spook the other male. And when he tried to lay a hand on you, Floyd snapped and began to twist the other male's arm to the point it was on the bridge of breaking. He just smiled as you laid a hand on his shoulder and asked him to put the guy's arm down
🎭 He did and watched with amusement as the other being began to run away in pure fear, gripping his arm as the pain echoed. You just groaned and adjust Floyd's jacket and look over his hands for any kind of scrape from work or being an idiot
🎭 Floyd smiled with wonder in his eyes as you cleaned him up like a little shrimp. Kind of like the magicless guy from Ramshackle!
"Y/N~ Would you ever leave me for that little baby fish?~"
"No. Why, you jealous?"
"Psh! Please. I know that I'm better than all those other bottom feeders."
#Twisted Wonderland#TWST#Heartslabyul#Octavinelle#Twisted Wonderland x Reader#TWST x Reader#Heartslabyul x Reader#Octavinelle x Reader#S/O! Reader#GN! Reader#Ace Trappola#Ace Trappola x Reader#Deuce Spade#Deuce Spade x Reader#Floyd Leech#Floyd Leech x Reader
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hi!!! I’m so glad I discovered ur account because I love dick grayson angst revolving around insecurities n worries abt his relationship w Barbara 🥹 i was wondering if u could write a part 3 to the quieter nights series where some time passes by and dick + reader meet again . dick wants to win her back and reader is hesitant at first and then dick has to prove himself blah blah and it ends with them trying again? you don’t have to write this if u don’t want to!!! thank you so much 💗
Why yes I can💜 Im so glad that people want me to continuenthis series. I've had such a fun time writing for you guys!!
On The Quieter Nights (Part 3)
Richard Grayson x Jealous! Reader
Part 1 | Part 2
Way more comfort than the last two, and a considerable amount of fluff😃
Weeks passed in a blur, each day dragging on as Dick tried to navigate the treacherous waters of his emotions. He threw himself into work—training sessions with the Titans, late-night patrols alongside Bruce, and occasionally meeting up with Barbara, who was doing her best to support him. But amid all the chaos, your absence lingered like a ghost haunting his every move.
It was on a crisp autumn evening that fate decided to intervene. Gotham’s skyline shimmered against the backdrop of dusk, and Dick found himself walking through the streets, a hot cup of coffee warming his hands. The aroma filled his senses, and for a brief moment, he could almost convince himself that everything was back to normal. But when he turned the corner onto a bustling side street, time seemed to freeze.
There you were.
Standing outside an art gallery, dressed casually yet effortlessly stunning, your laughter floated through the air as you chatted with a friend. Dick’s heart dropped to his stomach, unable to tear his gaze away. That familiar spark of joy he once felt when he saw you ignited again, but it was quickly snuffed out by a wave of embarrassment and regret.
He had wished he could run to you, to pull you into his arms and tell you how much he missed you. But the memory of your last conversation — the look that had cracked his heart open — paralyzed him in place. Instead, he took a short step back, hoping you wouldn’t see him, but it was too late.
You glanced over, catching sight of him. Your smile faltered, replaced by a rush of conflicting emotions that flashed across your eyes. He could see the hint of surprise mixed with something darker, something hurt. With an awkward wave, you turned back to your friend, and for a moment, relief washed over him. Maybe you didn’t want to talk.
But then, against all his instincts, he found himself stepping forward. He needed closure. He owed it to you to at least ask how you were doing. “Hey,” he called, his voice barely above a whisper.
You turned back around, your friend excusing themselves with a knowing glance before retreating into the gallery. Silence flooded the space between the two of you as you looked at him, brow furrowed.
“Dick,” you said slowly, the weight of his name hanging in the air. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”
“Yeah, I… I didn’t expect to see you either,” he admitted, forcing a smile that felt foreign on his face. “How have you been?”
Your expression softened, but there was still a hint of guardedness. “I’ve been okay. Busy with work, you know?” You gestured towards the gallery as if it was a shield from your true feelings. “Just staying busy.”
“I get that,” he murmured, his heart aching for what once was. “I’ve… I’ve missed you.”
A brief silence followed before you spoke again, your tone cautious. “Missed me? It’s been weeks, Dick. And you’re with Barbara.”
At the mention of Barbara, a pang of guilt flared up within him. “We haven’t…” he started, searching for the right words. “It’s not what you think. We were just trying to help each other out after… well, after everything.”
You looked away, a shadow crossing your features. “I see.”
“I know I hurt you. And I never wanted to,” he continued, stepping closer. “I just didn’t realize how much you meant to me until you were gone. I wish I could take back what happened.”
Your gaze met his, and for a moment, he saw a glimmer of the love that had once existed between you. But then it flickered away, replaced by an undeniable sadness. “Dick, I’ve had time to think. I really thought you were different. I thought we had something special.”
“We do,” he interjected, desperation creeping into his voice. “I just messed up. I let my past cloud what was right in front of me, and I can’t stop regretting it.”
“Regret doesn’t change the past, Dick,” you replied quietly, crossing your arms defensively over your chest. “I can’t be second best anymore. I deserve more than that.”
He took a deep breath, fear clenching at his heart. “You aren’t second best to anyone. You mean everything to me. I just… I need time to figure this out.”
“Time?” The hurt in your voice was palpable, and it cut him deeper than he cared to admit. “How long will that take? Because I can’t keep waiting around while you sort out your feelings for someone else.”
Dick's heart raced. “I don’t want to lose you, but I understand if you need space. Just know that I’m willing to fight for us.”
Your face softened again, but the resolve remained in your stance. “Fighting is one thing, Dick. But it’s not just about you wanting me back. I need to know you truly mean it.”
He nodded, taking a risk by reaching out to grasp your hand gently. “I promise I’ll show you. I’ll prove to you that what we had was real. Just give me a chance.”
You hesitated, your eyes searching his face as if trying to decipher his intent. “One chance?”
“Yes. One chance,” he affirmed fervently, squeezing your hand softly. “Let’s start over. No past, just us.”
Your breath hitched in your throat, and in that moment, he saw a glint of hope sparking in your eyes. But as quickly as it came, it retreated again, leaving uncertainty swirling in the air.
“I’ll think about it, Dick,” you finally said, withdrawing your hand but still locking eyes with him. “But I can’t promise anything.”
That was fair, he thought, watching you take a step back, creating distance again. “Just… let me know, okay? I’m here whenever you’re ready.”
You nodded, a small flicker of a smile gracing your lips for just a second. “I will. Take care of yourself, Dick.”
And just like that, with another brief glance, you turned and walked away, leaving Dick standing under the glow of streetlights, held captive by the sweet ache of nostalgia and the flickering hope for a second chance.
He stood there, watching you disappear into the gallery, determination surging through him. You deserved better than his past mistakes, and he was determined to show you just how much you truly meant to him.
It wouldn’t be easy, but for the first time in weeks, he felt a sense of purpose rising inside him—a reason to fight for something worth keeping.
As he walked away from him standing under the street lights of the gallery, the weight of his past began to lift, hope threading its way through the shadows. He could win you back; he just had to believe it was possible.
Masterlist
#batfam#batfamily#batman#dc#dick grayson smut#dick grayson angst#dick grayson x reader#dick grayson#richard grayson x reader#richard grayson angst#richard grayson smut#richard grayson#nightwing x reader#nightwing angst#nightwing smut#nightwing and batgirl#nightwing
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23 Tomarrymort Recs for 2023 (Longfic Edition)
Happy New Year! 🤍 Here is a round-up of some of the most engaging multi-chaptered works/longfics that I came across in this ship in 2023.
I found each of these fics, in their depiction of the ship, to be a fresh or surprising take on our familiar beloved characters of Harry and Tom|Voldemort, truly groundbreaking in some way in their approach to the ship. It's amazing to me that even after 20+ years of this ship existing, there's still new themes / tropes / dynamics to explore, and the authors are all so talented in making me think about the ship in some new way �� just incredible examples of what it means to be a transformative work of fanfiction.
Criteria for this list: multi-chaptered, Tomarrymort-centric, with at least 1 update published in 2023. As with a previous longfic rec list, I tried to find longer fics that were relatively under-rated (which is hard to define, but below 2K kudos for the most part).
See here for Part 1 (2023 Tomarrymort one-shots), and hope you lose many many happy hours to the unbridled joy of immersing yourself in one or more of these incredibly addictive, lovely longer fics!
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23 Tomarrymort Recs for 2023 — Multi-Chaptered Fics
A Darkness by Any Other Name by river_marrow (M, 30k, WIP)
Decades after the war ends, Harry is thrown through the Veil, and finds himself in an alternate reality where the leader of the Muggleborn uprising is the Dark Lord Voldemort.
A Dead God's Faith by @selfishrot (M, 35k, WIP)
Blood and spittle rush to follow Riddle’s words that are dragged out through a wrecked throat. “I will consume you.” Harry felt a thrill run up his spine, along with the usual fear and anger that accompanied Voldemort's threats. “Be gentle, I can feel your soul ripping its stitches.”
And the Living Will Envy the Dead by @k-s-morgan (M, 81k, WIP)
When Harry looks at Tom, he feels overwhelmed. There is a spark that makes him hopeful, the fear that nothing he does will save Tom from himself, and the horror at what his lies might lead to. When Tom looks at Harry, he feels nothing. Until he does, and then Harry’s world starts drowning in blood.
At the expense of the world by @itsevanffs (E, 24k, WIP)
"He had a lover, you know," Jenkins says to Remus once Harry's behind a wall and out of sight again. "A boy, and a gorgeous one at that. Nobody really knew where he came from, and Tom didn't seem to favour him either, at first, but by the end, he was besotted."
Bitumen by @crowcrowcrowthing (E, 32k, WIP)
Harry finds out the hard way that Dementors can’t digest Horcruxes. Now separated from his body, his best option is to seek out a similar soul for help. A love story about immortals with too much time to kill.
Creatures of the Dark we are by @hikarimeroperiddle (M, 25k, WIP)
Banished to his cupboard at age 4, Harry learns to listen only to the Voice in his head. Its teachings wrap all around Harry until no more than dark magic and devotion remains, along with visions of a wraith with red eyes.
Exceeding Expectations by @mosiva (E, 56k, complete)
Harry Potter’s life ran along very different lines than Tom Riddle’s. He knew nothing more of the man than he read in the Daily Prophet. Then they get stuck in a lift together.
Exegesis by liquoricepantomime (M, 38k, WIP)
In exchange for peace, Voldemort asks for Harry Potter. And so, there is a new legacy that forms — of The-Boy-Who-Was-Sold, and his childhood spent in a castle, with a man who has killed his parents. A man who is mad, and whose ire reigns fiery hell. A man he will marry, and yet knows nothing about.
found by @honbug (E, 112k, WIP)
Tom knows from the beginning that he is destined for greatness. Nothing and no one will stop him from achieving his goals. (And then, of course, there are the dreams.)
hook, line, and sinker by @purplemineralwater (E, 21k, WIP)
Harry asks Professor Riddle for help in killing Voldemort. Riddle is endlessly amused.
if we were lovers by @reggieblk (E, 277k, complete)
When Harry arrives at the most prestigious theatrical school in the country, he doesn't have many expectations. The most unexpected thing he encounters is Tom Riddle, and subsequently, falling in love with the only other person who deals with feelings as well as him. But maybe, just maybe, he and Tom will find out that not all love stories have to end in tragedy.
Lover's Spit by @blogalinda & @k3uuu (E, 123k, WIP)
Following his father's arrest on a dull hot Sunday in North Yorkshire, 10-year-old Tom Riddle becomes a dark internet sensation. If Harry Potter listened to his father, he would never speak to Riddle again. But eight years after the arrest, an unexpected and painful encounter leads Harry to reconsider events — and arrive at a conclusion all his own.
One Year In Every Ten by @saintsenara (E, 189k, WIP)
A decade after the final battle, a serial killer emerges, with a message that proclaims the Dark Lord has risen again. Harry is assigned to the case.
Oversight by @dividawrites (E, 21k, WIP)
Voldemort’s resurrection ritual doesn’t go as smoothly as he’d planned. He requires assistance and there’s only one person he can ask—the boy tied to his father’s gravestone.
Paved With the Best Intentions by @perhaps-sunlight (M, 113k, WIP)
Instead of dying during the Battle of Hogwarts, Voldemort de-ages into an infant. Until he becomes old enough to be legally executed, he will be magically bound to Harry.
Prison Blues by @metalomagnetic (E, 68k, WIP)
Harry and Voldemort find themselves locked up in a mysterious prison in an A/B/O alternate universe setting.
Revolution of Configured Stars by @tollingreminiscentbells (E, 110k, WIP)
In a Voldemort Wins AU, Harry Potter was spared, and enters his seventh year at Hogwarts wanting to do Arithmancy research and keep his head down. However, after a chance encounter, it looks like it may not be so simple. Marvolo Gaunt seems to have his eye on Harry. The trouble is, Harry has no idea why.
Tender Reigns Our Night by @noumena-writes (M, 93k, WIP)
Sent on a Ministry mission to fight for magic's survival, Harry goes back in time with two simple objectives: find and destroy any existing Horcruxes, and stop Tom Riddle ever evolving into Voldemort — using any means necessary. Harry thus finds himself working alongside Riddle at Borgin and Burke's, examining dark artefacts and desperately trying to fulfil his orders.
the demiurge, the leontoeides by @ramabear (E, 125k, WIP)
Thomas Gaunt reaches through the dimensions and plucks an eleven-year-old Harry Potter from his world and brings him home again.
the eternal flame by @duplicitywrites (E, 25k, WIP)
There’s a well-dressed older man who enters the orphanage asking after Tom Riddle. The man’s green eyes fix on Tom’s face, searching and searching. “My name is Harry Gaunt,” the man says, the tenor of his voice soft and faltering, a reflection of Tom's deepest, most secret anxieties, “and I’m here to adopt you.”
the righteous dead by @aspengray (T, 23k, WIP)
Harry is resurrected, sewn together with thread and magic. He remembers nothing except that he loves his savior, a man named Voldemort.
The Longing by @aglassroseneverfades (M, 33k, WIP)
Harry is not thinking of his parents right now as he trudges up to Voldemort’s eerie castle. He is thinking instead, as he often does, of a name that burns too brightly on his wrist in the pre-dawn light. He is wondering if somehow the fruitless tugging on his heart means that somewhere, some way, Tom is watching over him.
With a resolute heart by Act_Naturally (M, 157k, WIP)
A Hunger Games-AU featuring Harry and Tom as competing champions. Harry has a saving people thing. It’s not conducive to surviving a battle royale. He doesn’t fancy his chances. Especially against Tom Riddle.
*
#tomarry#harrymort#tomarrymort#tomarry recs#tomarrymort recs#hp fic recs#longfic recs#ao3 recs#fanfic recs#harrymort recs#2023 reads#2023 recs
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A snowman, a crow and a kitten | Sylus, Zayne x fem!reader [n$fw]
Commissioned by @otomiyaa
A/N: BABYYYY thank you so much for your kind suppoooort 💕❤️💖 I'm sorry it took me ages to finish dkfndknff I decided to write this in first person to go along with the game, I hope you liiiike it. I personally don't know how to feel about it dkdndkdb anyways thank you so much love 💕 I hope you enjoy this! 💞💓💖
Summary: You're simply their little toy.
Words: 3k+
His hands on my body were like a shower of sparks, each one exploding on my skin in a flash of pleasure. I felt like I was floating in a sea of sensations, without control, without direction, just going with the flow. His fingers were everywhere, caressing my skin like feathers, light, yet persuasive. My mind would cloud, my breathing would quicken, and my body would surrender, giving in to the sensations.
Within a second his hands were squeezing my hips, his thumbs digging into my bones, making me arch my back and gasp between raucous laughs. The next second, his fingers found the warmth under my arms and wiggled them playfully against the very center of my armpits, making me cry out with joy, tears streaming down my face.
How long had he been tickling me? A few minutes? Hours? Days? I didn't know and I didn't care, because I was addicted to that feeling of pleasure that was building up between my legs, making me moan loudly and freely.
"Will it be your laughter or your moans that will make the neighbors complain about the noise?” I could barely hear his delicious, deep voice over the incessant noise escaping from between my lips. A noise somewhere between a laugh, a gasp, a moan, and a sob. Something that didn't sound like me at all.
My hands desperately clung to his wrists, trying to pull away his hands that slowly immersed me in a whirlwind of pleasure and sensations that made my brain short-circuit.
“Do you want me to stop?" Zayne asked, his body on top of mine, keeping me pinned against the couch, his lips caressing my ear, making me shiver and causing my skin to prickle. My mind was screaming 'yes! I want you to stop! I can't stand it another second', but my head shook from side to side vigorously, even though my chest was already hurting from the lack of oxygen and the muscles of my stomach and sides were burning.
His soft laugh made me shiver. "Good girl." Zayne kissed my earlobe before pulling back, as if to admire the state I was in. I felt even more heat rising to my cheeks from my neck. I knew I didn't look at all attractive right now. I was probably as red as a cherry, with tears streaming down my cheeks. I also felt a trickle of saliva escaping from my huge forced smile and falling down my chin. Not charming at all, and yet, Zayne stared at me as a predator would look at prey. His green eyes darkened with lust, his tongue licking his lips and his cheeks flushed.
Who would have thought that tickling me would cause such a turn on in Zayne? I could feel his hard cock against my clothed pussy and I moaned, feeling like I was going crazy.
“Z-Zayne, please!” I sobbed between laughs. "P-Please!”
“Hmm? What do you want, little tickle toy?” I sobbed out a few more words with difficulty, for my laughter would not cease. “I cannot hear you. Would you stop laughing?”
“I c-cahan't, I-"
“Ah, so you were busy.”
My laugh caught in my throat. Zayne and I both quickly looked towards the door and my eyes nearly popped out of their sockets when I saw who was entering my house.
“S-Sylus?! W-What are you doing-”
“I sent Mephisto to check on you, but you didn't open the window. I see why now.”
Sylus chuckled, looking at me, then at Zayne. His eyes moving to the hands under my arms and the position Zayne and I were in. I froze, not knowing what to do. Zayne looked at my guest with a raised eyebrow and seemed confused as well. I wanted the earth to swallow me up.
“A little crow came to say hello, it seems.” Zayne's voice was too calm, a chill ran down my spine.
Sylus smirked. “I came to check on my kitten, I thought she was going to be bored, but I see she's in good company.”
“Yes. You can leave now.”
“I don't wanna,” Sylus said, finally, finally, closing the door behind him. “Besides, you're doing it all wrong.”
“Excuse me?”
My heart raced as I watched Sylus approach us. My hands that were clinging to Zayne's shoulders were suddenly grabbed tightly and placed high above my head. I squealed and arched my back, my breath hitching in my throat as I looked up at Sylus. He looked at me with a mischievous smile and eyes shining with mischief.
“She likes being pinned down,” Sylus explained, as if I wasn't there between the two. “She loves having no escape from her tickles, don't you, kitten?” My only response was a whimper and Sylus took it as a yes, of course. “Tell you what, Zayne. Why don't I stay up here for a while.” Zayne arched an eyebrow. “And you can do whatever you want down there.”
Sylus jerked his chin towards my legs and Zayne looked down, his eyes widening for a second before his fingers touched my still covered pussy. I moaned, bucking my hips up.
“You're leaking,” Zayne mumbled and I gasped, looking at the tips of his fingers. Zayne looked between my legs for a moment and then he looked up at Sylus. “Fine.”
My eyes widened as Sylus let out a deep chuckle. “We'll take turns, then.”
In an instant, their hands were on me. I tensed thinking they were going to tickle me, but to my horror, Zayne hooked his fingers into the waistband of my shorts and underwear and pulled them down. I squealed, bringing my legs together to hide my pussy, but Zayne grabbed my knees and easily spread my legs apart, completely exposing me to him.
Meanwhile Sylus grabbed the hem of my shirt and pulled it off, exposing my breasts. Unlike my shorts and panties, the shirt only reached my elbows and a heavy gasp escaped my mouth when I felt Sylus sitting on my arms. My eyes moved from Zayne to Sylus and back again.
My mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water, and I was only able to say something when Zayne suddenly lowered his head between my legs. I moaned and shivered as I felt Zayne's warm lips on the inside of my left thigh, he trailed kisses from my knee to my groin and my breath caught in my throat when I felt his lips pressing on my pussy.
I moaned Zayne's name, arching my back a little and closing my eyes. Zayne kissed me again and I shivered in pleasure once more and moaned softly. His next kiss was directly on my clit, he had separated my lips to discover that little spot and as he pressed his mouth against it, I felt like I was going to cum just like that. His tongue played with my clit for a second, before it slid all over my pussy, tasting my juices before returning to my clit.
“Oh, Zayne!” I cried, moaning and writhing as his tongue circled my hard clit. My nipples hardened and my skin covered in goosebumps. His tongue licked, fluttered and pressed against my clit mercilessly, making me let out loud sounds of pleasure. “I'm g-going to cum! Nghh!” He sucked on it, holding my legs that rested over his shoulders to keep me in place.
It felt so good, my eyes crossed as I felt that tingle of my upcoming orgasm, my legs shook, but I had forgotten about Sylus… until I felt his fingers in my armpits.
A loud laugh bubbled out of me, I pulled at my arms desperately, trying to get them out from under Sylus, but it was impossible. His agile and light fingers buried themselves in my armpits, wiggling, poking, squeezing, prodding- just every single thing he knew would make me laugh in hysterics.
“Sylus!” I squealed, feeling the tingles of my climax fading away. “S-Stohohop! PLEHEHEASE!”
“Oh c'mon, don't act as if you are not enjoying yourself, sweetie.” I shook my head, but groans began to filter through my laughter and my cheeks grew hot with embarrassment. “You're such a weird little miss,” he chuckled. “Getting off by getting tickled? That is certainly something you don't hear all the time.”
I shook my head again, trying to grit my teeth to stop my laughter, but then Sylus increased the speed of his tickling and I could only howl in hysterics. When I thought I would go crazy from the tickling in my armpits, suddenly Sylus' fingers moved to my nipples and I moaned as he squeezed and flicked them. My hips circled and I grind harder against Zayne's mouth; he barely flinched while I was being tickled, I just felt his fingers digging a little deeper into my thighs, trying to keep me still.
“Y-Yes! F-Fuck yes! F-Faster, Zayne, please. Fa- ahahaha!” Again the stupid tickling under my arms. I groaned in frustration, but then started laughing out loud. “Sylus, pl-please! DOHOHON'T!”
“Look how much you're grinding against Zayne,” Sylus purred. “You are such a weird one.”
I hated that his teasing, although humiliating, made me feel even hornier; my moans getting deeper and louder, mingling with my hysterical laughter and the squeals that escaped my mouth. I felt hot all over my body. The fingers digging under my arms and into my thighs; Sylus teasing my nipples, Zayne eating me out- it all just felt too much.
Soon my legs started to shake as Sylus’s fingers did a weird dance, first tickling my armpits and then teasing my nipples, back and forth, back and forth. Zayne on the other hand, pushed two fingers inside me, hooking them up and touching that tender spot within me while his tongue circled faster and harder around my clit. The tingling came back, my breath became erratic, my moans desperate and as my eyes rolled back into my skull, I finally reached that wonderful peak, letting myself fall from the edge into a sea of pleasure that made my whole body tremble like crazy.
Tingly sparks washed over me and I even forgot to think, to breathe, my mind went blank and it seemed like I had been suspended in a subspace of satisfaction… until my body started to come back to his senses and the sensations immediately overwhelmed me, making me shriek, scream in desperation.
Sylus was still very busy tickling me under my arms while Zayne kept using his tongue on my pussy while his fingers pressed and rubbed that delicate spot inside me. I was going crazy, in my head it seemed like I could hear a noise like static, I couldn't think of anything else but what those two were doing to me. My skin felt a little uncomfortable, wet with a light layer of sweat, sticking to the couch. I felt exhausted, I couldn't defend myself... and I didn't want to.
“Zayne.” I could barely hear Sylus's voice over my screams and hysterical laughter and some pleas that made no sense, neither to them nor to me.
“Hmm?”
“Are you having fun there? She already cum, so I think it's my turn.”
Zayne finally stopped, leaving my pussy pulsing and clenching. “You said you wanted her breasts.”
“And I also said we would share.” Sylus moved his hands down to my ribs and I arched my back, begging for him to stop, but he didn't hear me, or rather, he pretended not to hear me. “Stop acting like a spoiled child, Zayne, and move your ass up here.”
The tickling finally stopped and I went limp against the couch. My body was twitching, my pussy clenching, my armpits and ribs titillating with the residual tickles. I groaned, letting out a sigh when Sylus let go of my arms, but my body didn't move at all. Was I that tired? No, I just... didn't want them to stop yet. I opened my eyes, my vision blurred by tears, and looked at them both and brows furrowed in disappointment
Sylus laughed, his voice echoing through my small apartment. "Why are you making that face? Weren't you asking us to stop, kitten?” Sylus positioned himself between my legs, making me gasp. “Now you want to continue? You're a very indecisive little lady, aren't you?" His huge hands caressed my thighs, grabbing my leg behind my knee and putting it over his shoulder. He was smirking down at me, raising an eyebrow, waiting for my answer. “So?”
I swallowed hard and tensed when I felt Zayne sitting on my arms. I whimpered, looking at them both again.
“Should we stop…”
“... Or continue?”
I whined, my body bouncing. “J-Just d-do i-iiit! I d-don’t- ack! Ahahahaha!”
I was surprised at how different the tickling was from both of them. Sylus was a bit rougher, not to the point of pain, but enough to make my sensitive skin turn red within seconds. He liked to dig his fingers in my skin, teasing my muscles and making me jump. Zayne, on the other hand, was a little gentler, his fingers fluttering against my armpits. Drawing random shapes with his delicate fingertips, scratching my skin, poking me, scribbling– just any touch that made my skin cover in goosebumps as I laughed and laughed and laughed.
I jumped with a small scream when I felt Sylus grab my hips and I begged between giggles that he wouldn't tickle me there, but he didn't do it, instead, he grabbed me firmly and my eyes widened as I felt his dick entering me, fast and hard.
“Sylus!” I gasped, lifting my head to see that he had just pulled his dick out, his pants still on.
“You'll hurt her.” I heard Zayne said, his hands stopping.
“I won't,” Sylus answered with a growl; his eyes fluttering closer as he got used to my pussy… and I tried to get used to his huge cock.
He filled me so nicely. His warmth made me shudder, his tip immediately hitting that sweet spot, making me cross my eyes in ecstasy. Sylus chuckled after just a few seconds and when I looked at him, he was smirking down at me, making me moan and jerk my hips slightly.
“Do you want me to move, kitten?”
I nodded desperately, opening my mouth and choking on my saliva. Sylus chuckled lowly, and I felt his cock moving out of me before he thrust hard into me, our bodies making a 'slap!' sound that echoed throughout the house. I gasped, arching my back and throwing my head back. He rammed into me again and I moaned loudly as he began to pick up speed, thrusting his cock into me again and again until my moans turned into screams of pleasure.
“F-Faster! Pl-Plea- Faster!”
I gasped as I felt Zayne's cold hand grip my jaw and twist my head to the side. My eyes widened as I saw his massive erection milliliters away from my face.
“Be a good girl and open your pretty mouth.”
I whimpered, but I obediently did what I was told. I opened my mouth wide and salivated at the slight salty taste of Zayne's precum. He let me get used to his length, first inserting the tip, my tongue licking up all the precum, making him furrow his brow and breathe raggedly. He then pushed himself deeper and deeper into my throat; I was so used to having him inside me that I no longer felt nauseous from having him all the way in. Zayne threw his head back, exhaling and shuddering. I tightened my throat and he growled, pushing his hips back before he rammed into my throat.
Tears were streaming down my face as they both used me however they wanted and my arousal continued to grow as I felt them filling my pussy and mouth. Sylus moaned deeply, without shame. He liked to show how good I made him feel and he said it without thinking:
“Ah! What a g-good girl, so t-tight for me. You really like my cock, kitten? Y-You're clenching me so nicely. Ngh!”
Zayne was quieter. He bit his bottom lip and pressed the back of his hand against his mouth to keep from making any noise, But as my throat tightened around his cock and one of my shaking hands began to play with his balls, Zayne had no choice but to moan loudly, throwing his head back.
I felt dizzy. I could barely breathe with Zayne in my throat, and the pleasure was driving me crazy. Sylus had started playing with my clit as he kept going in and out of me and my moans and whimpers caused vibrations against Zayne's dick that made him moan more.
I was losing it. I couldn't focus my thoughts on anything but these two men touching me and making me feel so good. As I felt that delicious tingle building inside me, I was almost sure I would pass out before I came, but I didn't. My body trembled and convulsed as currents of pleasure washed over me. I came like I had never come before, my skin covered in goosebumps from head to toe and I sobbed and cried and moaned and whimpered as Sylus milked my orgasm until his movements started to overstimulate me. It tickled, but it also felt overwhelming.
My jaw and the corners of my mouth hurt. My throat was starting to burn, but soon, with just a couple of thrusts from Zayne, he came inside my mouth. I tried to swallow as much of his load as I could, but it still leaked out of the corners of my mouth. Zayne shivered and breathed rapidly as he recovered from his climax. I coughed as he pulled his cock out of my throat and moaned Sylus' name as I begged:
“S-Stop! Angh! I j-just c-came s-stop, please!” I sobbed, but Sylus didn't listen to me, he grabbed my hips and fucked me harder and faster until I felt his warm seed filling me. I shuddered as he trembled in pleasure, thrusting against me a few more times to ride his orgasm.
I sighed tiredly, relaxing my shivering, twitchy body into the couch as my breaths echoed off the walls of my house. I closed my eyes, feeling like I was floating and almost falling asleep until I felt Sylus pulling his cock out of my pussy. I moaned, my legs shaking, I opened my eyes heavy from sleep and my heart skipped a beat when I saw that Zayne was now between my legs, his dick so hard as if he hadn't come in my mouth just moments ago.
“W-What?”
“It's my turn,” he said and before I could say anything else, he pushed himself inside me and I sobbed with pleasure before bursting into laughter as mischievous fingers began tickling my ribs.
The sensation was so intense that I felt like the world was spinning around me.
“What's the matter, kitten? I thought you wanted to play. Let's keep playing, shall we?”
I still had a long night ahead of me, and my insides churned with excitement, my pussy clenching around Zayne, so eager to feel the pleasure these two men had in store for me; even if it meant passing out halfway there, but I was sure that these two were not going to allow it, after all, they only wanted my pleasure and hear my pretty voice calling their names through my sweet moans.
#love and deepspace#love & deepspace#love and deepspace tickling#sylus x reader#zayne x reader#ticklish!reader#tickle fic#spicy#n$fw#mia's things#commissions
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(y/n)'s deal with the devil to save Nobara's life (Part V)
Part 1 - 4 of the Sukuna/Yuji x Megumi's little sister series can be found here
Pairing: Megumi's little sister x Yuji/Sekuna
Word Count: 2,5k
Synopsis: You've been through so much at Shibuya, seeing the love of you get taken over by Sukuna and finally getting him back. But this time, it will be you who begs on her knees for the king of curses to arrive in order to save your best friend's life...
Warnings: This hurts like hell lol, I miss my girl so much , as usual language, my poor baby Yuji being absolutely crushed
„I need to get moving now”, Yuji mutters while lifting his trembling frame off the ground.
“But where? Please just sit down for a while, you’ve been through so much-“
“What about the people here at Shibuya, (y/n)? Not only did they have to go through a lot, but they also lost their lives here. I can’t just sit on the ground like an idiot while my friends are out there dying.”
You hate it. The way his eyes glimmer in nothing but grief, how his face lost the spark of joy.
But especially you hate that he’s right. You can’t just stay here and let everybody else do the work. Even though you want nothing more than to rest in Yuji’s comforting arms forever, it is your responsibility to find the others and help freeing Gojo-sensei.
That doesn’t include Yuji, though.
“No, you’ve done enough here. Let me go and find Nanami, okay? You…you need to rest…Yuji?”
He steps towards you, lips forming the most heart-breaking little smile you’ve ever seen while his hand gently tucks a strand of hair behind your ear.
“I love you more than anything else, (y/n)”, he hushes for only you to hear, making your broken heart skip a beat.
Maybe everything will turn out alright. After all, you have Yuji by your side, right? No matter what Sukuna did, no matter what the two of you have been through, you will eventually make it.
Right?
He wraps his longing arms around you, pressing your frame against his chest. You let yourself fall into his touch, allowing your eyes to rest for a moment. This. This is what makes it worth all the pain. The feeling of Yuji’s body against yours, the way his breath caresses your neck ever so slightly.
“But if someone has to go, it’s me. You are the one who has done enough and I’m so sorry I made you go through all of this shit. You will stay here.”
Your shocked eyes dart open immediately, body trying to yank away from him while he holds you in place.
“I’ll get you when all of this is over. Maybe it’s hella selfish, but I can’t afford to lose you. Anyone but you, (y/n). I’m so sorry. So so sorry.”
Bad foreshadowing crawls up your spine. What is he trying to say? You swallow hard, glossy eyes searching for an answer in his worn-out orbs. No, this can’t be.
Yuji won’t just leave you here, will he?
“Don’t go where I can’t follow love”, you literally beg him, desperate hands grabbing his face longingly.
You just got him back, your Yuji, the love of your life. And now…now he wants to leave again, even though he’s been through so much? And you…He wants you just to stay here and wait for him? You shake your head vehemently. No way in hell. You won’t let him leave alone.
“I’m so sorry…But this time, I will leave you no choice. Please don’t hate me, (y/n). I’m doing this for you…”
You aren’t able to free yourself in time. With a swift motion he yanks you through the door of a nearby building, closing the door behind him so rapidly that all you can do is grab the doorknob.
It doesn’t open.
“Yuji!”
You can’t catch your breath, fists slamming against the metal door without mercy, eyes scanning the room for another way to escape.
But there’s no other door. Fuck, not even a window. This can’t be true, your boyfriend didn’t just lock you into a random building at Shibuya…You glide down the stone-cold walls, the tears in your eyes threatening to pool over.
What if something happens out there? Sukuna must have weakened his body, would he even be able to put up a fight? And what if a grade 1 shows up. Or worse…
You have to blink a few times, panic rising inside your throbbing veins. You can’t just sit here and do nothing. Even though he begged you to stay out of this, it is your responsibility as a jujutsu sorcerer.
As his girlfriend.
You take a deep breath. Calm your tingling nerves, get out of this building, search for Yuji and fight along his side. Even though he doesn’t want you there, even though he specifically instructed you to stay right where you are.
“I’m a Fushiguro after all”, you mutter to yourself.
This wall isn’t thick enough to hold you in. A single slash with your bare fist should be enough to tumble it down. You shake out your arms, desperately try to calm down your beating heart. You have to be brave right now. For Yuji, for your big brother Megumi.
For yourself.
With a swift motion you sprint towards the high wall with neck-breaking speed, pushing through it and falling onto the harsh ground underneath. Everything hurts, it feels like your whole body is on fire. Oh, how much you’d love to lay here for a while, to just stare into the dark night sky, inspecting every minor crater on the full moon above. But your body begins moving on his own, running down the empty and destroyed streets of Shibuya in order to find Yuji. Pushing through the pain, wiping away the tears that threaten to fall down your eyelashes. This is not the time to show any weakness, especially after standing your ground so bravely against Sukuna.
Sukuna…A shiver runs down your spine just by the thought of him. How he wrapped his arms around you, the way his dark voice brushed against your sensitive skin. It’s hard to believe that you survived meeting the king of curses. You, out of all the people here at Shibuya. You, when even special grade curses lost their lives to his cruel hands. Why? Why on earth did he let you live? It still doesn’t make any sense in your foggy brain.
Your ears perk up in an instant, screams and cries echoing through the hallway you run down. It almost sounds like…
No. The urge to throw up becomes almost unbearable, legs dashing even faster despite the scorching pain that runs through your whole body. This was Yuji, without any doubt. And you never heard him scream like that in your life.
“Yuji!?”
Your very own voice echoes back and forth unpromising, feet avoiding the remains of deformed people as good as possible. All these curses, some human corpses…You swallow hard. Mahito has to be here. And if Yuji is here too…
You have to hurry.
“Yuji!”, you scream on top of your lungs, noises growing louder and louder in your ringing ears.
There. In the distance, a few metres away, a head of pink hair.
“Yuji!”
“Kugisaki, run!”
The desperate tone in his voice, Nobara who just stands there and stares at him. Mahito…Two Mahitos…
“Nobara!” you shout, throwing your knife at the version of Mahito who runs towards her out of instinct.
No, he can’t touch her. If he does, she will become a curse herself. If he does, she-
“Kugisaki”, Yuji breathes out next to you.
It was a minor touch. Just the fingertips brushing over her left eye. But certainly enough to make everyone around stop in their tracks and staring at her in utter disbelief. You aren’t a fool. Good, how much you wish you were. But this slight touch is her certain death.
“Nobara.”
Your voice isn’t more than a fade away whisper. She isn’t just your classmate. No, Nobara is your friend, the only woman in class by your side, the one you shared your room with for months by know. She knows all your secrets, all your ticks, all the things that make you sad and happy. She is one of your best friends. And now. And now…
“I won’t let you die here!” you scream in frustration, eyes desperately scanning for a way out of this misery.
“Too late for that!” Mahito hollers at you.
What are you supposed to do? Are you even able to fix this? Mahito begins to laugh hysterically, imitates you in the most disrespectful way. That man…No, that creature. He is pure evil, without any doubt. Just like the king of curses himself.
Sukuna.
Your eyes widen, heart almost beating out of your chest. That man…
“Yuji.”
This is probably the worst idea you’ve had in your entire life. But Mahito, Nobara…It might be your only chance to save her.
“You need to switch with Sukuna. Right now.”
“What? What has gotten into you, (y/n)? There is no-“
“This might be the only way to save her”, you interrupt him sharply.
There is absolutely no guarantee this will work. Maybe he’ll just laugh at you like he did back then when Yuji begged for Junpei’s life. Your whole body begins to tremble, just the thought to meet Sukuna again... You shake your head vehemently, eyes darting towards the boy you love in determination.
This isn’t about you or your fears. Right now, Sukuna is the only person who can help you.
“I think I can do it. But you need to switch. Now.”
Yuji’s sharp and heavy breaths hang between the two of you, his hands grabbing yours so urgently that you can’t help but stare at him through glossy eyes.
“Promise me you’ll take me back, okay?”
“I promise”, you reply automatically.
The air around you feels thicker within the split of a second, everyone including Mahito standing death still in their tracks.
“Didn’t expect you want to see me again so early”, his dark voice comments dryly, his arm wrapping itself around your waist before you can stop it.
Your eyes meet his. The stone-cold eyes of the king of curses himself, the marks that cover the gorgeous face of your boyfriend. You want to scream at him, want to hit him with your best shot for making Yuji feel so horrible. God, how much you hate that man for what he did to him, how much you want him to pay for every sinful word, for every person he killed.
But instead, you take a deep breath in.
“I’m begging you to use your reversed technique on my friend.”
He tilts his head, a sly grin creeping up his face. Oh, so that’s what’s going on here. He has to admit, it was very brave of you to call him here. Don’t you know what he did back then when that brat asked him to heal that boy? Why on earth should the king of curses heal a pathetic human being?
“Well well, look who needs my help. Why would I do that, sweetheart, huh? Why on earth would I heal another of you brats?”
“Because I ask you to”, you reply in an instant, glossy eyes looking with his.
Your hands cup his cheeks. Fuck the way your whole body screams in your face to stop immediately, fuck the way tears start to spill out of your eyes again. This is about your dear friend, about Nobara. And you’ll do anything on earth to prevent her from dying.
“You mean like that?”
His hand brushes ever so slightly over a minor cut on your cheek, making it disappear in an instant. Your heart hammers against your chest, eyes widen in nothing but hope and determination. So he really is able to heal others. That means he can save Nobara too, right? He just has to.
“Please heal her. She’s one of my closest friends. Please Sukuna”, you breathe out.
You don’t know what has gotten into you. Was it the fear that radiated to your veins, the overwhelming feeling of standing on the brink of losing it all? You can’t put a finger on it.
But before you are able to stop yourself, you throw yourself against his firm body, puffy cheek resting against his chest.
What is this feeling rising up inside his chest? Why does his heart suddenly skip a beat, why does your sudden touch run shivers down his spine? You, the girl he laid his eyes on my months ago. You, the bravest girl he ever witnessed, who threatened to kill herself if he hurts one of your friends.
You, now laying in his arms, completely shattered by the thought of losing your friend. But what is he supposed to do? Back then all he was able to do was laughing hysterically at the brat begging him to safe his stupid little friend. Yes, nothing seems more ridiculous to Ryomen Sukuna than saving human’s lives. But the way you silently sob against his chest, your eyes widen in nothing but horror and consumed by darkness…
Why does it make his fingertips twitch? Why does he want to chase away your tears?
“I will help you”, he finally speaks out.
Did he…Did he really say that? Your eyes dart towards him immediately, hope glistening in your orbs. Oh, you look truly lovely like that.
“But only under one condition.”
Your thoughts begin to race all over again. Of course, he wouldn’t help you without something in return. Maybe it was a mistake to ask him for aid, maybe you should just call Shoko, maybe it is too late anyway…
No.
Don’t second-guess yourself.
“I will do anything you want.”
“Anything, huh?”
“Anything”, you confirm without hesitation.
“Gift me your heart. Swear that you’ll never leave my side. Enter into a contract with me that binds you to me forever.”
You can’t believe your ears, ground pulled underneath your feet. That would mean…You feel like fainting when the true meaning behind his words hits you. You would be his slave until the end of time, until someone is actually able to defeat Ryomen Sukuna. You’d be cursed for life.
Is it really worth this? If Megumi and Yuji were here right now, they’d scream into your face, begging you to just walk away, search for another way out of this misery. Never in his life, Yuji would have allowed you to make a deal with the devil himself in exchange for another life. Not you, not the love of his life. Not you, the precious sister of Megumi. You don’t deserve this fate, you don’t deserve to be cursed like this.
But you have to make a decision.
“I will do anything you want.”
“I need you to swear it.”
He walks towards Nobara who just stands there and stares at both of you in horror.
“(y/n), don’t…don’t do that”, she breathes out.
You want to break down, scream out in agony, run away and never come back.
“I swear I will do anything you want if you save her.”
But instead, you just stand there and watch him grab Nobara’s face roughly with a single tear running down your face. Is this a new beginning or the end of it all?
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, (y/n). You will stay with me until both of us die.”
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Can I please request something with bang chan?
You've been trapped by his presence and he won't let you go and you're losing the spark in your eyes and chan doesn't know what to do.
So he tries to fuck his love unto you.
'Tell me how to make you happy?', 'tell me what I need to do for you to love me'
TW: ANGST & SMUT, NSFW 18+, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT‼️
bf!bangchan x gn reader || word count: 1.3k
angst, crying, dirty talk, spit, choking, kind of toxic tbh (oops) i wrote a lot, so prepare yourself 🫣
꧁ MAKE YOU FEEL MY LOVE꧂
☆゜・。。・゜゜・。。・゜★ 🔮 ☆゜・。。・゜゜・。。・゜★
you and chan had been dating for a little over a year now, from the moment you two started dating, you had always spent so much time together. whenever you weren’t together it was only because of work or day to day activities, where you absolutely couldn’t be together. he’d always showed you and told you how much he loved you from the beginning, which was a little overwhelming to you at first, but you were still attracted to him and loved being around him. you could tell that he was a special guy, you just needed some time to get comfortable and let yourself fall for him.
as time went on, you just felt the spark kind of dying out, atleast on your end. you loved chan, but whenever it came down to anything intimate, you just weren’t feeling any… electricity; and that really bugged you, because how could you not be sexually attracted to him?? he’s handsome, has a big heart, a wicked sense of humor, and he treated you like a queen. he was a total sweetheart, you were his whole world. his top most priority was making you feel happy and loved. you couldn’t keep going on like this, how could you lead him on any further? you didn’t want to hurt him, you did love him after all, you just weren’t feeling that spark anymore.
once he got home from practice, you were immediately greeted with a big, bright smile and open arms, “heyy, baby!! c’mere, i missed you” he said as you walked over to him and gave him a small hug, which was nothing compared to the giant bear hug he gave you. “chris, we have to talk… it’s important” you muttered as you nervous bit on your lip, averting your gaze to the floor as you tried to calm your nerves.
the cheeriness and joy in his eyes quickly turned to worry and concern, taking your hands in his as he looked at you with a small frown. “w-what is it, y/n? is something wrong?” he’d ask you, making you shake your head and walk him over to the couch. “i don’t know how to say this… but… uh, well…” you’d start saying before looking up into his eyes, seeing the anxiety plastered on his face.
“it’s okay, it’s okay… just.. just say it, love” he muttered softly as he fought some tears in his eyes. because deep down he had a feeling of where this conversation was going. he could feel the difference in how you looked at him, the hesitation whenever he’d go to hold your hand, whenever he kissed you or when you two had sex, everything just felt off.
you sighed softly at his words and shook your head, “i.. chris, you’re such a good guy.. and you have always treated me so so well” you started to say, “but i just… i don’t think i have feelings for you anymore… i love you, just… just not like-“ you were cut off by your boyfriend, “just not what? like a boyfriend?? is that it?” he covered his mouth, tears boiling in his eyes as he tried to form proper sentences through the hurt, “how long have you felt this way? is it something i said or did? is something i didn’t do???”.
“no no no, baby, it’s nothing that you did.. it’s just-“ you went to wipe his tears, but he shook his head and gently pushed your hands away. “is it because of my schedule? i’ll drop everything if it means making you stay.. i’ll do anything for you to stay, absolutely anything for you to love me!! just tell me, y/n, what do i have to do for you to love me??” he asked as he fell to his knees infront of you. “do i not please you good enough? b-because i can do better, yeah.. i can be better for you and make you feel good, is that what you want, baby??” he asked eagerly as he bit his lip whilst looking into your eyes, tears filled in his own as he gently caressed your knees, “please?”.
fuck. you had no words. god, you hated yourself for this. you had this precious man literally crying on his knees, begging for you to love him. why couldn’t you just be normal and fall for him? fuck. you hated it whenever chan would cry, especially knowing it was because of you. “chris, it’s not that easy.. it’s not like that” you’d tell him as you wiped away his tears, “well can’t i atleast try? do you know how much this kills me? i just want you to love me” he sniffled whilst tilting his head, “please, please let me show you how much i love you? maybe i can make you love me, one way or another, i don’t care”.
you sighed heavily before nodding and caving into his words, sniffling at your own tears as you looked down into his eyes. “o-okay, channie… just please don’t cry” you said before you were interrupted by a sudden kiss to your lips. he cupped your face and pulled you in closer, kissing you deeply as he began untying his sweatpants. you had to admit, you didn’t mind having sex with him, you just didn’t feel the emotional elements of it with him… or maybe just not as deeply as him.
one thing lead to another, the two of you had been lying on the same couch you’d both been crying on, feeling him split you open with his cock and hold your hips in place. you couldn’t help but moan and mutter his name, he’d been making you feel so good, after all. “y-ya like that, baby? does.. hmm, does that feel good?” he’d asked you as he leaned down to kiss and suck on your neck, “do you see how much i love you? how much i’m willing to prove my love for you?” he muttered against your salty skin. you didn’t know what to say, you had already been feeling all fucked out AND he was making you feel good, but you still felt so guilty, because you knew this wouldn’t change anything, and yet here you were letting him use your body like this.
“tell me you love me, baby.. p-please? please just tell me once?” he begged as he looked deep into your eyes, making you sigh and throw your head back, “i… i.. i can’t” you said through your moans, feeling a pit in your stomach as you cursed yourself. “w-what?” he asked with wide eyes, slowing down his movements as he looked into your eyes. “just tell me what i have to do to make you happy… tell me what the fuck i need to do in order to make you love me, y/n?” he said as he unintentionally tightened his grip on your hips, feeling frustrated.
as strange as it may sound, you rarely ever heard him swear, so it you found it a little hot when you heard him say ‘fuck’ and hold your hips so mean. you felt a little tickle in your stomach as you bit your lip. you were so used to your boyfriend being so gentle with you and being afraid to hurt you, but right now all you wanted was him to take out his hurt and stress onto you and manhandle you. “can you.. b-be a little rougher? i can take it.. just don’t be gentle” you said softly as you felt your cheeks heat up, “i’ll use the safeword if i want you to stop”.
chan was taken a little aback by what you had asked of him. he was certainly surprised, but lord knows he’d do absolutely anything to make you happy and to love him, so he did just as you asked. he picked up the pace of his movements and began pounding in and out of you at an almost animalistic rate whilst you wore his hand around your neck like the prettiest choker you’d ever worn. “do you like being treated like a filthy whore, baby? is that all it takes for you?” he snarled at you as he forced your mouth open and spit into it. he grinned widely when he seen your eyes light up.
you couldn’t contain yourself, you were tugging at his wavy locks and screaming so loud for him, he’d never made you feel this good before- no one had. “d-don’t stop… please, daddy” you begged him desperately, the nickname you referred to him as only encouraged him to go harder, “feels so good”. not too long after, you both finally finished and rode out your highs. shit, you were seeing stars and could barely think straight. but one thing was for sure, not being treated like you were something fragile for once made you feel something, for sure. who knew all it took was for your boyfriend to treat you like a whore every now and then? <3333
☆゜・。。・゜゜・。。・゜★ 🔮 ☆゜・。。・゜゜・。。・゜★
i hope you enjoyed that, i apologize if that wasn’t you had in mind! i hope you guys liked it hehe<333
if you don’t like my content you can either keep scrolling or just block me, no need to send negativity ♡
#skz x reader#skz smut#skz x you#skz x y/n#skz x male reader#skz x female reader#skz x gn reader#stray kids smut#stray kids x reader#stray kids x you#stray kids x male reader#stray kids x female reader#stray kids x gn reader#stray kids x y/n#stray kids x gender neutral reader#stray kids bang chan smut#bangchan smut#bang chan smut#chris bang smut#🔮stray kids#🔮bang chan#🍥spit#🍥dirty talk#🍥choking#enhypen smut#kpop smut#nct smut#ateez smut
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Shadows of Fluttering Leaves
When Skies Are Gray, Chapter 7
Series Masterlist Next Chapter
pairing: Frank Castle x fem!reader
summary: Frank’s life has reached a crossroads: he can either continue to seclude himself and pursue a dark, lonely future, or he can open himself up to connecting with someone again and maybe achieve happiness. Being the grump that he is, Frank has already committed to the lonely path, but his curious new neighbor might just turn that around.
warnings: depressed reader, grief, victim blaming, implied history of sexual assault/harassment, bad parenting, not super healthy coping mechanisms
a/n: I am so sorry I've updated everything sporadically this year, y'all. I've been working really hard to stockpile updates so I'll be able to post at least biweekly for the rest of the year (if everything goes to plan!) As always, please comment/reblog to leave feedback. And a giant thank you to @gracethyomen for helping me plan this arc and make their fight more cruel. She is the queen of angst, go follow her.
w/c: 4.8k
You didn’t recall much from the past three days, but that was because there wasn’t anything to recall. After your conversation–if it could even be called that–with Frank, it was as if your soul had unstitched itself from your body. You went through your days as an emotionless husk. Your creative spark extinguished, your joy unreachable.
The walls in your building were thin enough that you could hear him moving around. Going to work and returning home to Max as if you'd never existed. Perfectly fine without you. Every heavy footfall that penetrated the rotting drywall brought a fresh sheen of tears to your eyes.
The burly marine had become such a welcomed part of your life, losing him was like losing a limb. His absence felt like a bad dream. If you focused hard enough, you could still feel his calloused hands, smell the cheap soap and spicy clove aftershave he used. But a simple exhale would wash the scent away, and you were alone again–tired, anguished, and unloved.
You drifted through the day, unsure what to do with yourself. You couldn’t bring yourself to go into work, or even communicate with Leo and Stacy for more than a brief text to prove you were still alive.
While this evening hadn’t been much different, the sight of your mom’s name flashing across the top of your phone screen as it buzzed had caused enough of an adrenaline rush to force you to chat with someone. Your throat felt sore after talking for the first time in nearly 72 hours, your vocal chords still recovering from their sudden overuse. Shuddering as you willed the memory of the call to fade, you felt the tell tale prick in the corners of your eyes.
Staring down at the damp concrete, you blinked frantically in an attempt to keep the endless tears at bay. The tilt of your head caused raindrops to drip off of your hood, rolling down your forehead. Around you, the slam of water against pavement and steel drowned out the thud of your determined footsteps. Blowing out a breath you slipped an unfeeling mask onto your face as you continued your walk to the bakery.
It wasn’t more than a few blocks from your apartment to the Rainy Day, but the beams of street lights would draw attention to your glassy eyes, and you didn’t need to highlight your fragility for any creeps that might be lurking at this hour. You'd had more than enough unwanted male attention for the week. Once you were safely behind the locked doors, you could look as broken down as you needed to.
Though you were exhausted, your confusion-and-betrayal-addled brain was still unable to rest and your hands itched to do something. Wallowing in your bed wouldn’t quell the uneasiness that speaking with your mom had ignited mere hours ago. But cooking might. At least, you hoped that was the case.
A crackle of lightning illuminated the bakery as you approached; the strike of light refracting through the windows made the place look rather sinister, draping it in oddly shaped shadows. Slipping the keys from your pocket, you tried not to cringe at the cold rain as it splattered against your exposed hand. Thunder rolled overhead as you waggled the key in the lock, finally getting the damn thing to budge enough for the door to shove open.
Stepping inside, you bolted the door behind you, using your phone flashlight to maneuver through the stacked tables and chairs as you moved to the kitchen. Before getting to work, you stripped out of your semi-drenched top and slipped into a clean t-shirt adorned with the logo of the cafe. Flicking on the overhead lights, you threw a hand up to shield your sensitive eyes as they strobed briefly before steadying into their normal bright rays. Taking a place by your preferred station, you took a moment to reflect on the tasks you had cut out for you.
Though Leo was more than capable of replicating your work if you detailed the recipes, they were happy to let you be the creative lead in your shared kitchen. As they’d mentioned multiple times over text the past few days, your absence from the space meant less variation in pastries for the bakery, and more for Leo to do. If you weren’t so emotionally depleted, you would have felt more guilty about abandoning them so suddenly.
Apparently, the emotional turmoil that talking to your mother always stirred was good for something. It had gotten you here, at least. Coating your station in a thin layer of flour, you ran through the motions of a basic croissant recipe.
You weren't quite feeling up to experimenting yet, but croissants you could do.
Soon enough, the smell of salted butter and yeast engulfed the room and your fatigued mind began to wander. Despite your best efforts to forget the comment, your mother's voice echoed in your ears.
“Really, sweetheart, what did you expect?”
The condescension in her tone clung to you like the barbs of an untrimmed rose. Your brain feebly tried to reassure you that she had no idea what she was talking about. To remind you that she didn't even know his name, that you'd told her—at most—three sentences about the whole situation.
But the majority of your brain was still reeling from the abrupt collapse of your relationship with Frank. And it was far too weak to not spiral at the implication of your mom's question.
Because, while she wasn't fully aware of who Frank was and what he meant to you, she was intimately informed of your history with men–hence her thoughtless words this evening.
Your dating history was...pitiful, to say the least. You tended to draw attention from the wrong men. Bosses, teachers, even your own relatives.
It had been your reality for as long as you could remember. As a child, whenever you'd come to your mother with another sob story about attention that you hadn't meant to attract, the blame was always placed squarely on your shoulders. Your outfits were too provocative, your actions too enticing. It didn't matter that they were the ones misunderstanding your kindness as an open invitation. It was still your fault.
Expecting her to sympathize with you when you told her you'd been grabbed by a stranger as you left the construction site was foolish. But it still hurt to know that she didn't.
What hurt more was the little voice in the back of your head that agreed with her. Knowing damn well that you'd chosen that outfit to fetch the gaze of a specific man. That the low cut neckline was meant to be provocative. That it was your fault that you'd been humiliated. That your own desperation had led to the continued phantom sensation of a large hand gripping your arm against your will.
“If you dangle bait long enough, something will bite.” She reminded you. It wasn't the ocean's fault that you'd been hoping for a specific fish.
“But I didn't want them.” You'd lamented to her. You were tired of being a plaything, a quick fuck. You wanted something more, something real. And it had turned to ash in your delicate grasp before you could so much as appreciate it.
She wasn't sympathetic. Chastising you for forgetting your place, for getting attached, for seeking love in places it didn't exist.
“Love is harder to come by when you're, well...you know.”
You slammed the ball of elastic dough onto the bench, kneading it aggressively as tears poured down your face. Your stomach twisted as it heaved with sobs, the sentiment from your mother sounding eerily similar to the curt observation that Frank had hurled at you.
You ain't my wife.
He was right. You weren't his wife. His wife was beautiful, and caring, and patient. She'd loved him, had children with him, made a home for him.
Think I'm your little boyfriend or somethin'?
Biting your lip to stifle a sob, the feeling of foolishness crested in your chest again. It was humiliating to be called out like that, especially when your naive little heart had been convinced he felt the same way.
I never wanted that.
Those words still hit you like a sock to the gut. He never wanted a relationship. He never wanted you. Your stupid feelings were clearly unrequited, but how were you supposed to know that?
Was your childhood so deprived of love that simple acts of kindness had your heart doing backflips? Were his pet names and compliments just his gentlemanly nature because he was afraid to offend you?
This was a mistake.
His sweet remarks, calling you beautiful, the constant teasing—the relationship you once had with Frank began to play in your head; the muted colors of the picture doing nothing to make your chest ache less when his face sprang to mind. Your brain continued its depressing montage: Frank smiling at you, his gruff voice lifting around the word “sunshine”, his genuine interest in your work, his daily visits to the cafe, the way he leaned into every touch you offered him. All meaningless. Just another regret.
Exhaling forcefully, you flapped your hands in an attempt to stop their trembling. If the fragile dough ripped between your fingers, it would ignite a full meltdown. Clenching the muscles in your hands, you relaxed them as you forced every thought from your head, focusing on the pliant mass beneath your rolling pin as you mashed it into a lopsided rectangle. Carefully lifting the edges of the shape, you tossed it onto the sheet pan you'd prepared as tenderly as you could. Using your fingertips to stretch it into a more appealing shape, you nodded in satisfaction, shoving the tray onto a cart and picking up your rolling pin again.
Each extension of your forearms, pressing the wooden cylinder into the raw pastry, condensing and lengthening the blob with small, stiff movements. Your elbows creaked with every stretch of the elastic dough, the swing of your arms feeling almost foreign despite being a common practice in the kitchen. A 72-hour break was too long, apparently. Any other day, you'd dance through this recipe effortlessly; Today though, every step felt choppy and hesitant, as if your brain expected you to fail again and again.
You hadn't felt this hopeless in a kitchen since the last few weeks of your atrocious entrepreneurial experience years ago. Yet another example of you being too trusting, too optimistic.
Your mouth flooded with the metallic tang of blood as your teeth dug into the flesh of your cheek, halting the choking despair that threatened to drag you down to the linoleum floor. You wanted to give in; your brain was still a ball of exhausted mush incapable of handling your day-to-day tasks.
Sloppily prepping a few more trays for their initial rise, you shoved the croissant dough onto the proofing cart and out of sight. The smell of yeast usually made you happy, but the biting edge of the scent was turning your stomach. It was becoming increasingly clear that you'd thrown yourself into your work without the stability to handle the sensory input of the bakery. Your head was pulsing because of the fluorescent lights, the whir of the electric mixer rattling your ear drums. Once the sticks of butter you'd added to the stainless steel bowl of the machine were smooth, you shoved the lever to shut it off—letting out a breath you hadn't realized you were holding.
Slapping heaping scoops of the creamed butter into a half-sheet pan, you set the pan in the fridge to solidify and shuffled blearily into the break room, collapsing onto the worn leather couch.
“You are such an asshole.”
Gritting your teeth as the words ripped you from an uneasy sleep, you peeled one eye open reluctantly. Two shadowy figures swayed in your field of vision, neither looking particularly happy with you.
The taller figure marched towards you. ”Three days? THREE DAYS? No calls, only a single fucking text,“ The annoyed voice grew closer, making you curl in on yourself.
”'M sorry.“ You mumbled, tears springing to your eyes.
”You better have a better apology than that. They were worried sick.“ A blurry image of Stacy manifested against the doorway to the breakroom, her arms crossed. Standing in front of your shoulders, hands firmly attached to their hips, was Leo.
”We were worried sick,“ Leo corrected, throwing Stacy a look.
Not denying the allegation, Stacy's cheeks dusted pink.
Crouching in front of you, Leo gave you a once over. Their furious expression quickly morphing into one of concern. “Did you sleep here?”
“Didn't mean to, the kitchen was just,” You gave a limp shrug, avoiding their piercing gaze. “Too much.”
“How long have you been here?” Stacy asked, striding over to drape her legs across the arm of the couch.
“Since midnight-ish.” You muttered, shame pitching your voice lower.
“Babes,“ Leo sighed, running a palm over your exposed arm as you tried to shrink into the couch cushions. ”What happened? Was it your mom?“
You should your head, tears pooling in your eyes. “Pete.”
“Pete?” Stacy raised an eyebrow, looking at Leo with wide eyes.
“What did he do, hun?” Leo plopped into a cross-legged position, leaning against the couch with an expectant look.
“Did you break up?” Stacy's voice was uncharacteristically soft, but the words were still teasing.
You burst into tears.
“Stace!” Leo scolded, climbing onto the couch and hefting your torso up so that you could lay in their lap as you bawled.
“What? It seemed impossible!!” Stacy said, mortified. She absorbed Leo's vacated spot, hands hovering apprehensively in front of you. “Shit. Please don't cry.”
“It's a bit late for that.” Leo huffed, cradling your cheek with one hand. “What did that bastard do to you?”
Gulping in air, you cowered against Leo's thigh. Your friends sat quietly, patiently awaiting your story. With a stuttering inhale, you wiped the newest round of tears from your face and pushed yourself into a seated position—gratefully leaning into the arm Leo threw around your shoulders. Looking up at them wide-eyed, you waited for their encouraging nod before speaking.
“Um..” Your voice was hoarse, words shaky. “So three days ago, I tried to bring him lunch...”
As if your consciousness was sparing you from the depressing events, the words tumbled from your lips instinctively, thoughtlessly. The story pouring directly from your torn heart, accompanied by a few stray tears.
Throughout your ramble, your friends remained silent–sandwiching your body between them. Leo's sturdy frame was a comforting weight to your left. Stacy had migrated to your other side, tentatively resting a manicured hand on your shoulder. They were both eerily still as you caught them up on the implosion of your relationship with your neighbor.
Eventually, you sighed, your body sagging with exhaustion. Briefly lifting your hands, you gestured to the small, bare break room you'd passed out in. “And then you found me in here, and that's it I guess.”
Your mouth snapped shut, your eyes flinging the final few droplets of saline off of your lashes as you blinked at your lap. There was a beat of silence. Two. Three.
Then all hell broke loose.
“Is he fucking serious?“ Stacy bit out, retracting her hand to cross her arms. Her brows were raised, jaw clenched as she looked at Leo.
”He told you that you were a mistake?“ Leo squawked, clearly fuming.
“I mean, that's not—” You began to reason, words dissolving on your tongue as Leo grabbed your hand with a glare.
“Absolutely not. Do not start that bullshit.”
Frowning, you averted your eyes. ”I'm not doing anything.“
“Princess, we love you, but don't pretend you're not blaming yourself.“ Stacy scoffed, standing from the couch and tugging at the roots of her hair.
“And defending him while you're at it.” Leo gently prodded your side with a knuckle, giving you an all-too-knowing glance. At your resulting pout, they sighed. “I know that hearing your mom blame you again and again is hard to unlearn, but she's wrong. So is Pete and all the other men who have done this to you. You deserve better.”
“Seconded.” Stacy nodded firmly, pointing a finger at you. “The next time I see him, I swear on my grandmother—”
The petite brunette was pacing, fists clenched in her fury. Leo looked equally angry, though they were much less obvious about it. Smirking at Stacy's empty threat, they finished it for her. ”We'll beat him senseless with a baseball bat.“
Giggling, you leaned into the hug Leo offered, exhaling into their shoulder. ”I appreciate you both, but I'd rather just move past it.“
”Deal.“ Leo kissed the top of your head, holding out a hand to help you stand from the couch.
”Speak for yourself, I am not willing to let this slide.“ Stacy called with a huff, stalking out to the counter to begin prepping for the morning rush.
”Should I be worried?“ You bit your bottom lip, eyes following her out of the break room.
”Nah, you know her. It'll pass, this is just how she shows her love.“ Leo reassured you, striding into the kitchen at the ambling pace you set. ”We would do anything for you, you know.“
Smiling bashfully, you nodded. “I appreciate it, Leo. Thank you.”
Though you were still dead on your feet and reeling from the emotional whiplash you'd been put through, an odd form of peace had engulfed you. Talking things out had taken a massive weight off of your shoulders.
You felt heat prick your cheeks as you sheepishly recalled the way you'd isolated yourself after leaving the construction site. At the time, it had felt like the natural path forward. But it clearly hadn't done you any good.
Your coworkers were eternally patient as you fumbled your way through your daily tasks, your brain still a glob of jelly after being berated by both Frank and your mother.
Gritting your teeth in frustration, you collapsed onto a bar stool. Kneading your forehead with one hand, you inhaled deeply.
Peeking around the corner of the walk-in, Leo frowned. “All of them?”
Nodding miserably, you forced a response around the lump in your throat. ”Every. Single. One.“
”Aw, babes.“ Leo pouted, coming to inspect the trays you'd thrown around your station as your defeat grew.
”They're all flat. How did it slip my mind that the rain would throw off the humidity in the main room? That's, like, proofing 101.“ You moaned, prodding one of the dense croissants with a finger. ”Christ, I feel like I've lost my mind. It should not be this hard to do something simple.“
Patting your back reassuringly, your best friend ignored your protests, lining your ovens with the ruined croissants and setting a timer. “Do you remember the first time Ez and I broke up?”
Ezra, Leo's on-again-off-again partner, had broken things off for the first time right before you both took your final preparation exam for your first pastry class in school. Leo had nearly flunked the course after they used salt instead of sugar in every dish.
Stifling a chuckle, you fiddled with the strands of your apron. “I seriously think Allard was reconsidering his decision to teach. His face!“ You and Leo snorted in tandem, picturing the old french man's grimace.
”Oh he definitely had regrets. My point is, the brain works in mysterious ways when you're grieving.“ Leo stated matter-of-factly.
”Grieving?“ You asked. “Frank didn't die–”
“I know that, smartass. But you still lost something, did you not?”
Pondering for a moment, you conceded. “I suppose.”
“So, your brain is handling this just like any other loss. Grief processing is its current main priority, remembering how to make picture-perfect croissants is not even in the backlog.”
“It should be, given that we operate a bakery.” You grumped, watching the pitiful slabs of dough puff slightly in the oven.
Smacking you gently over the back of your head, Leo's expression turned endearingly stern. “You, my dear, need to be kinder to yourself. Something huge and incredibly hurtful just happened to you. Give yourself a moment to breathe.”
Their soft command gave you pause. They weren't wrong. You'd jumped from escaping, to wallowing, to working without so much as a millisecond to relax. Had this bullshit happened to anyone else, you would've been much more understanding. But being kind to yourself was never your strong suit.
Mulling over the possibility of granting your brain a smidge of grace, you watched the flat pastries expand ever so slightly as they began to brown under the yellow oven lights. Realization finally striking you, you turned to Leo with a quizzical expression.
“You put them in the oven.” You stated simply, mind not quite forming a question to remedy your confusion.
Chuckling, Leo nodded. “I did.” They leaned against your station with a smile.
“Kitchen adaptations, hun. What did we used to do with pastry dough that didn't rise properly?”
Understanding dawning on you, your lips parted. “Croissant sandwiches.”
Squeezing your shoulder, Leo hummed in confirmation, striding back to their station to finish shaping bread loaves. You continued to watch the thin crescents puff, reminding yourself that the mistake was fixable. Sure, they wouldn't be the gorgeous, fluffy pastries you'd envisioned—but they could still be made into something delicious. For today, that was enough.
Feeling less hopeless, you wiped your hands on your apron and strolled over to the lines of proofing bread, moving them to the proofing cart easily. ”What are we stocking today?” You asked, hoping they'd notice the hidden meaning of the question.
“Let's stick to simple comfort foods. The weather is nasty, we probably won't be too busy. After we finish the staples, we could make some baguettes and a soup or two? Maybe some kitchen sink cookies and brownies too. Those won't take much effort.“ Leo tapped their chin thoughtfully, looking to you with a soft expression. ”Sound good?“
Smiling, you nodded–glad that Leo was willing to take charge for the day. Sliding your arms around your best friend's waist, you squeezed them tightly before bustling off to prepare some yeast.
Over the next few weeks, your mood improved significantly. Out of concern for you, and more than likely out of concern for the bakery, Stacy and Leo had spent a handful of nights at your place–helping you wind down after work, and motivating you to get up the next morning. Their presence and constant glares towards your and Frank's shared wall made it easier to move forward without him. You could feel your consciousness wading through the stages of grief, rapidly approaching acceptance.
For now, though, you were still moping–much to your friends’ dismay.
”C'mon, Princess! Live a little!! You haven’t gone out with us in forEVER“ Stacy whined, pinching your arm as she took a seat on the counter you were cleaning.
Scowling at her, you switched your rag out for a broom, determined to keep tidying around the obstruction she presented. ”I already told you. I don't feel like going out tonight, Stace.“
Sweeping stray coffee beans from under the machines, you fought back an eye roll at her snort. ”Oh, I'm sorry, did you have plans besides crying on your couch while watching rom coms?“
”Christ, Stacy, I told you to invite her, not insult her!“ Leo scolded as they exited the kitchen.
”Someone needs to say it!“ Stacy threw her hands in the air, looking at you pointedly. ”Being sad has its time and place, but the only way to truly get over a man is by going out and getting wasted, you both know I'm right!“ She huffed in frustration as both you and Leo opened your mouths to protest.
Scratching the back of their neck sheepishly, Leo raised a brow at you. “She actually might have a point.”
Pumping her fists victoriously, Stacy leapt from the counter. “See? It'll be good for you!”
Glancing between her and Leo, you sighed. Pouting in distaste, you knew you had been outvoted. If you refused to go, they’d drag you out anyway. “Fine.”
Your friends cheered, high-fiving their success. Stacy danced over to you. “It's gonna be great, princess. You'll see!”
“Oh, I’m sure.” You snarked, dipping the formerly abandoned rag in a bin of bleach solution and resuming your afternoon disinfecting duties in the front of the cafe while your coworkers plotted the outing.
“What are you going to wear, hun?” Leo called over their shoulder to you, after complaining to Stacy about their lack of cute clothes.
“Considering I am only going to please the two of you? I'm not quite sure.” You snorted, tone still sharp with irritation.
“Well, since you're clearly in such a great mood,” Leo giggled, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “Maybe we could get ready together?”
“We totally should! While blasting EDM really loudly in your living room!” Stacy grinned, feigning innocence despite her clear intentions to make Frank's life a living hell.
“Ok now you are definitely not invited.” You frowned, imagining how much he'd curse at you if you became a horrid neighbor on top of all your other faults.
“It's cute that you think you have a choice!” Stacy laughed evilly, rubbing her hands together in a movie-villain-esque motion.
Groaning miserably, you stiffened as Stacy padded over and held a hand out for the rag.
Making a grabby hand gesture, her other palm landed on her hip. “Hand the towel over, princess. You and Leo can head to your place to get you all fixed up and I'll finish cleaning.”
“I'm not sure whether I should be offended that you're implying I don't look stunning like this,” You circled a hand around your unwashed face. “Or worried that you're offering to lock up. You hate closing.”
“Exactly. That’s how much I want you to have a good night out, dude!” Stacy gave you a stern look, flicking her eyes between the damp rag and your stubborn expression.
Sighing heavily, you tossed the rag to her and slipped out of your apron. “If this place isn't gleaming tomorrow–”
“Yah, yah.” Stacy waved you off, putting earbuds in as she walked to the other end of the room.
“The disrespect.” You muttered, turning to Leo who was clearly amused at the fact that you'd been outwitted by the other girl.
“C'mon, sweets. We'll need to stop somewhere for drinks unless we want to go into debt to get drunk tonight.” Grabbing your hand, the two of you left Stacy and the bakery behind as you braved the heat outside.
Slogging up the stairs, arms laden with a paper bag filled with the cheapest alcohol the three of you could stomach, you adjusted your center of gravity to avoid toppling down the stairs. It felt like you were swimming upstream, given the weight in your hold and the immense humidity of the stairwell. Finally reaching the landing, you scrunched your nose as a bead of sweat dripped from it.
“Took you long enough,” Leo remarked, smirking at you from your front door, having made it up the stairs long ago.
“Not all of us have a lithe athletic build and the heart rate of an Olympian.” You huffed, shuffling toward them with a small smile. Despite your initial apprehension, excitement had started to build in your chest at the thought of the night ahead of you. As you were about to express that much to Leo, the click of a doorknob stopped you in your tracks.
Stepping out of his apartment, adorably happy pitbull in tow, was none other than your neighbor, Frank Castle.
Frozen in place, it was a miracle you didn’t drop the bag in your shock. You’d assumed he’d avoid you just as you’d avoided him. Apparently you weren’t that lucky.
Looking a bit surprised himself, Frank hesitated for a minute before plastering a scowl on his face and tugging at the leash in his grasp. “C’mon Max.”
Watching Frank stalk past you without so much as a glance in your direction, your mouth dropped open with indignation. Poor Max was dragged to the stairs behind him, despite the dog’s efforts to greet you on the way down the hall.
Gritting your teeth, you marched to your own door and unlocked it. Carefully depositing the bottles on the ground, you grabbed a handle of cherry vodka, cracking it open and taking a swig as you stomped into your apartment.
“I suppose that’s one way to handle whatever just happened.” Leo murmured, studying you with a concerned frown. “Wanna talk about it?”
“Nope!” You grinned, pulling another gulp of liquor from the bottle. “Care to help me pick an outfit? I’m hoping to drink for free tonight.”
Striding into your room with Leo on your heels, your gut burned as the lump of despair you’d been clinging to for a week burned red hot with rage. Your friends were right. You deserved better.
If Frank Castle didn’t want you, then you sure as hell didn’t want him.
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