#this song took me Forever to find and now it’s just simply on spotify. all those years of effort…….. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jikookiekosmos · 4 years ago

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Use My Best Colors For Your Portrait || jjk

➥Pairing: best friend!jungkook/reader, boyfriend!jungkook/reader, artist!jungkook

➥Summary: After surprising Jungkook with his own studio room for his paintings, he couldn’t be any more over the moon. All’s well and good until he’s struggling to find inspiration...which you happily provide him with. He’s ecstatic to find his muse in you, and painting your portrait brings him so much joy. Things take a turn however, when he suddenly realizes what else he wants to paint.

➥Genre: established relationship, tiny bit of angst if you squint, fluff, smut

➥Rating: 18+

➥Words: ~7.9k (small drabbles don’t exist for me apparently, oops)

➥Content warnings: most of this at the beginning is just cute fluff domestic times (finally not much angst!), blonde jungkook, jk ties his hair up at some point (my weakness), jk puts paints on the reader, making out, slight hair pulling, cursing, shower sex times, jungkook has a big dick, oral (m. receiving), very slight mouth fucking, dirty talk, fingering (very brief), unprotected sex (safe sex is great sex), biting, cumming inside, cute times in the shower, jungkook is actually the sweetest, reader and jk are so in love with each other it hurts, also jk saying ‘only for you’ is a thing i started and can’t stop now oops

A/N: hello! This is part of my Only for You (OFY) Drabble series, but it can be read as a stand-alone! Their relationship will make a lot more sense though if you’ve read OFY beforehand. This fic takes place roughly around six months after the events of OFY (so in between that and the dream drabble I also posted).

Once again, thank you to @dntaewithluv for her endless support and always giving me feedback, I forever appreciate you and your friendship is more than I could ever ask for 💜

I’ve written a few other drabbles and will list them below, along with a general timeline:

When I Dream of You - ~1 year after OFY

Stay With Me - a few months after the dream drabble

Also, I hope that if you read this, you enjoy it~

➥OFY Spotify Playlist (songs I listened to for inspo)

➥Series Masterlist

➥All Works Masterlist

taglist: @inlovewiththemoonn

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You would do absolutely anything in the world for Jeon Jungkook.

Seeing him happy had to be at the top of your list of favorite things in the world, as it had been for many years as his best friend, and now in the several months since the two of you started dating. Some things just never changed, you guessed.

Which is why you took it upon yourself to change one of the spare rooms in the house you two were renting into a space where he could thrive as the artist he was. Initially, the two of you thought it would be nice to use that space as a work area for you, since your job required you to sometimes do work from home. And for a little while, that’s exactly what you did.

But ever since you found out Jungkook liked to paint – scratch that, he loved to paint, and had been doing so for longer than you thought – the gears started turning in your head.

The current space he was using to create his art was definitely less than ideal. The house had a decent sized garage area, so there was enough room for him to store his supplies and be able to paint without it being too much of an issue. The downside, though, was it was cramped and even though Jungkook said he didn’t mind it, you still couldn’t help the frown from masking your features whenever you saw him huddled up so close to his easel.

For the last few weeks, and with lots of help from internet searches, you’d been slowly converting your space into something like a studio. You didn’t have to worry about Jungkook finding out, either, since he very rarely went into that room seeing as he had no reason to. He respected your privacy the same as you respected his, so this made everything infinitely easier for you in the long run.

The day had finally arrived where you would show the new space to Jungkook. Everything was set up as perfect as you could manage it – at least you hoped so – and you were dying of excitement to show him as soon as possible.

You were also, however, incredibly nervous at the same time. What if he didn’t like it? Even worse, what if he hated it?

Of course, you knew deep down that there was no way Jungkook could hate anything you ever did, unless it was something horrible, but you worried about everything because that’s just how you were. So, when the two of you were sitting at the dinner table one night, you tried hard to swallow the lump in your throat as you listened to Jungkook talk about his newest work.

“I really think you’re gonna like how this one turns out, angel.” Jungkook was offering you a sweet smile as he went to grab another bite of food from his plate. You managed to smile back, despite the hammering of your heart against your chest. He was basically handing you the perfect opening for you to segue the conversation!

“I know I’ll love it, Koo.” You watched as his small smile turned into a full grin, his nose scrunching up in that adorable way that had you falling in love with him all over again every time you saw it.

“Speaking of your paintings,” you started off, clearing your throat while he swallowed down his food. He looked at you with his undivided attention and it made your heart skip a beat.

Ok let’s be real, every damn thing this man did made your heart skip a beat.

“Yeah? What about them?” He twirled more of the noodles around his fork while he waited on your answer.

You gulped. “Wouldn’t you like it if you had more space?”

Jungkook chuckled and placed his fork down, shaking his head as he placed on hand on top of yours that was still resting by your plate. You’d barely touched your food and he noticed.

“Baby,” he started, “as much as I would love to have a bigger space, what I have now is just fine. I know you think it’s stifling my creativity in there, but I’m still creating things and am comfortable.” He squeezed you hand gently before returning to his food.

“I get that you think the garage is fine but what if I told you that- that you could have a bigger workspace.” You finally picked up your fork and were poking around at your own food now, avoiding his gaze. You could feel his stare boring into you regardless, though.

“I mean – yeah, hypothetically I could have more space, but it’s not in the cards for us right now and that’s ok, too. Maybe one day.”

The way he always was optimistic about your future together made you feel warm all over. Jungkook liked to look on the bright side of every situation, and it’s been enough to help you keep your own wits about yourself numerous times now.

But this time you wanted to show him that the future could be closer than he realized.

“Koo, can you come with me real quick? I have something I want to show you.”

You didn’t miss the confused look that flashed across his face for a second before his calm demeanor took over again.

“Of course.” He hopped up from the table, that smile you adored now plastered on his face. “Lead the way.”

“Ok but I also need you to close your eyes.” You reached out to take his hand and were rewarded with an eyebrow raise.

He hummed thoughtfully but did as you asked, closing his eyes and grasping your hand tighter so you could lead him wherever you planned to.

You walked through the house pulling him behind you, feeling your heartbeat quicken with every step to where its pace was almost concerning. Whether or not it was mostly from excitement or nervousness, you weren’t sure.

You finally reached your destination and let go of his hand so you could open the door.

“Keep your eyes closed, ok,” you asked. Jungkook simply nodded and you saw a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. He had no idea what you were about to show him, but knowing you and how much he loved pretty much anything you did, he was sure it’d probably make him happy.

And he couldn’t have been more correct in his assumption.

At the quiet sound of you telling him he could open his eyes he did so, slowly at first, blinking to adjust to the light the now flooded over the both of you. It took him several seconds to register exactly what he was seeing, and when he did he couldn’t speak. All he could do was stare around the room, mouth agape.

Decorating the walls were the paintings he had given you, beautiful works of various sizes and themes. Alongside the far wall was a tall shelf that housed all his supplies (how had you managed to get them past him without him noticing?), and even some new things like paints he’d been eyeing for a while and other tools he hadn’t had a chance to get himself yet.

But in the middle of the room stood his easel and chair, set up in the similar fashion as it had been in the garage. His apron was draped across the back of the chair, and there was even tarp laid out underneath the workspace. You research had paid off because everything was set up in such a way that it created the perfect atmosphere for Jungkook’s creativity to shine through in ways it hadn’t been able to before.

You weren’t aware of this yet, however, because you were still watching Jungkook’s reaction. He still hadn’t said anything, and as you pulled your bottom lip between your teeth, you started to wonder if this was the right call-

Strong arms were pulling you up from the ground and spinning you around before you could process it, making you squeal with delight as Jungkook twirled you before bringing you back down to pepper kisses all over you face.

“Angel, I can’t believe this, you did all this for me?” He was still holding onto your hips tightly, beaming as he looked down at you. Your nod and giggle was all the confirmation he needed before he pulled you into another kiss, this one slightly more heated than the ones before.

“Do you like it,” you questioned when the both of you pulled away to breathe. Jungkook laughed before taking your face in his hands and brushing his nose along yours.

“Do I like it? Baby, I love it. It’s perfect! Thank you so much.” Another kiss. “I love it and I love you, I love you so fucking much.”

His happiness made your heart soar and you definitely knew that you’d do something like this an infinite amount of times if it meant he’d keep that smile on his face.

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A few weeks passed by and Jungkook had been using his new studio nearly everyday at this point. His creations had been increasing in numbers and he was starting to receive commissions from others thanks to his small online shop he’d set up with your help. He still worked at the bar as his primary job, but he was also grateful to have a hobby on the side that could potentially yield something lucrative.

Of course, Jungkook’s increase in his time spent on his art still didn’t take away from his time with you. If anything, it gave the both of you another way to spend time together, since now there was enough space for you to sit in and observe him paint when you couldn’t before. You often sat quietly and either did some of your own work or engaged in your own hobbies while he painted, and it was always peaceful.

There came a day, though, that you never thought you’d experience: Jungkook had run out of inspiration. He’d hit his first real artist’s block and it was taking a bigger toll on him than he would’ve liked.

You rubbed his shoulders as he sat in front of his easel one night, groaning in frustration about his current work. “It’s not turning out at all like I want it to. I’ve been struggling with finding new inspiration and it clearly shows in whatever this is.” He vaguely gestured to the canvas, prompting you to place a kiss on his cheek as you ran your hand through his pretty blonde hair. You knew that always helped to calm him down and this case was no exception.

Jungkook sighed heavily, turning to place a kiss on your palm that was still lingering around his face. “Sorry, I don’t mean to get worked up. It just sucks, you know? I’d been on this really good streak of creating things and now I just…can’t. It’s weird and I don’t like it.” He pouted slightly and the sight made you giggle.

“I know, baby, but you’ll figure something out. You always do.” You placed a kiss on top of his head before you walked around to sit on his lap. You wrapped your arms around his neck and one of his hands cradled your waist to steady you.

He was humming thoughtfully as he looked you up and down, your hands now playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

“What are you thinking about?”

He smiled slyly. “You.”

You rolled you eyes before returning the smile. “Ok, what about me? I’m curious.”

His hand was rubbing up and down your side. “Nothing in particular, just usually looking at you can help me with inspiration.”

His confession made you gasp. “Really?”

He nodded and smiled wider. “Really. You inspire me a lot.” He placed a chaste kiss on your lips before sighing again. “This time though it’s not really working like I’d hoped.”

You watched his eyes close and his brows furrow before an idea popped into your head. “Hey,” you reached down to tilt his chin up so he’d look at you, “It might be a long shot, but: have you ever considered painting portraits?”

He pursed his lips as he thought about it. The simple act made you want to kiss him but now wasn’t the time.

“Honestly…no. I’ve never thought about it before because I usually prefer to paint scenery.”

You searched his eyes as you asked your next question. “Well, if you want to try, maybe you could paint me? Even if it doesn’t go anywhere, maybe it can help spark a new idea or something?”

You watched as his eyes slowly lit up at your suggestion, his face morphing into a smile that you mirrored.

“That’s a great idea! It’s something new and it also includes you, so I already love it.” You chuckled in his lap as he hugged you closer, placing a small kiss on your neck. “Thank you.”

You ran your hands through his hair again before leaning back. “Anything for you. Do you want to start now?”

He thought about it for a moment before nodding. “Yeah, we can do that. Is there, uh – was there something specific you wanted to wear for it?”

You wiggled your eyebrows suggestively. “Are you suggesting you want to paint a nude portrait?”

Even though Jungkook knew your body better than you did at this point, your words still managed to make him blush as he groaned. “No, I wasn’t thinking that- not that I’d mind of course just you know, whatever makes you comfortable-”

You laughed at his flustered nature before hopping off his lap. “You’re so cute. I’ll go find something to change into, it shouldn’t take long.”

“R-right,” he stuttered, still clearly somewhat affected by what you had said. You shook your head with amusement as you went to your bedroom to find something to wear. You settled for a purple dress that you knew Jungkook loved, and considering a lot of his paintings involved shades of purple and blue, you figured it would be perfect.

You knew you made the right choice when you stepped back into the room and saw Jungkook’s face when his eyes fell on you. He looked like he’d never seen someone so beautiful (he looked at you like that a lot and it always did something to you) and your lips curled upwards into a smile before you could realize it.

You stopped in the doorway and twirled, giving him a full view of the dress. “Is this ok?”

You already knew the answer, but it was always nice to hear him say it.

He cleared his throat and ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, it’s perfect. You can, uh, you can take a seat whenever you’re ready.”

While you were changing, Jungkook had pulled one of the loveseats from the living room into the space so you’d have somewhere to sit or lay while he painted you. The loveseat was a dark blue color and it contrasted beautifully against the color of your dress. You decided to lay on it in a comfortable pose, and you couldn’t help the small giggle you let out at Jungkook’s reaction to your choice.

You had laid an arm behind your head, turning your face so you were looking at him while the rest of your body was sprawled out on the loveseat. One of your legs dangled over the side, making the skirt of your dress hike up somewhat. You were very comfortable, and Jungkook was very happy with your pose.

“Make it pretty, ok,” you joked with him. He smirked at your comment.

“You know I will. I’ll use my best colors, just for you.”

“Wow, I feel special,” you quipped back. You were rewarded with the sound of his beautiful laughter as it echoed off the walls.

“You’re the most special,” he admitted honestly. You gave him a brilliant smile and he felt his heart stutter.

With the way you were looking at him, Jungkook thought that if he didn’t start painting, he may never start. So, he forced himself to tear his eyes away from you so he could find the paints he needed to get started. He tied up his hair, a few of the blonde strands escaped and framed his face but he didn’t seem to mind it too much as he got to work.

Thankfully, since you’d chosen a good position, the process was easier than you thought it would be. You just had to lie there and watch him work, which you happily did. You enjoyed watching his face scrunch up in concentration before relaxing again as he brushed stroke after stroke onto the canvas.

You were so beyond proud of him that it made your heart swell inside your chest.

Jungkook had been painting for a little over half an hour before he announced it was time to take a break. He could paint for hours on end without stopping, but that was when he didn’t have a live subject he was working with. He walked over to you with a bottle of water so you could sip from it without having to disturb your position too much.

You sat up slightly so you could drink, and while you did so, one of your dress straps started falling down your arm. Jungkook immediately went to move it back into place, but as he did, he couldn’t help but stare at the dark contrast of the purple satin against your skin. He thought it was so pretty, and his mind started wandering to how the paint itself might look-

He shook his head to rid himself of the thought. He may have been covered in paint himself, but that didn’t mean he needed to go putting paint on you.

When you were re-situated on the loveseat once more, Jungkook strolled back over to this easel. Unfortunately, since that thought of you covered in paint first took up residence inside his head, he now found it hard to focus on anything else. While he stared at you to try and resume your portrait, he just kept picturing you with painted streaks covering your skin instead.

You must have noticed he was distracted because soon you were calling over to him. “Kook? Is something wrong?”

He gulped and shook his head. “No, nothing’s wrong! You’re doing great, baby.”

“Do you need me some other way?”

Such a simple statement and yet it was stirring something inside of him. Asking him if he needed you a certain way ignited that desire to once again paint you and he found himself unable to hold back from asking anymore.

“Yeah, I uh, I wanted to try something.” You were confused when he got up and started walking toward you, only carrying his paint supplies. At first you thought maybe he just wanted to get closer, but he didn’t bring the easel with him.

“What are you wanting to try,” your voice was laced with curiosity. He gave you a shy smile.

“I was just thinking about how pretty it would be,” he looked down at the floor then back up at your face before he continued, “if I used you as a canvas instead.”

You felt your breath hitch in your throat at the request. Jungkook was asking to paint you, not paint you on a portrait, but to paint you. The suggestion intrigued you a lot more than you thought it would, which is ultimately what led to you nodding your agreement. “I think I’d like to try that, too.”

Jungkook’s face broke into such a dazzling smile that excited you to no end. You watched as he pulled his chair close to you, as well as some tarp to place around the area. When he was situated where he wanted to be, he dipped his brush into some of the purple paint on his palette and gently lifted your arm. The feeling of the paint as it brushed along your arm was foreign but not unwelcome. There was something about it that was almost calming.

You were now also recalling all the times you’d told Jungkook how pretty he looked even covered in paint. The pretty colors contrasting with his beautiful, golden skin tone never failed to take your breath away no matter how many times you saw it. You wondered briefly if this is what he was experiencing now as he took his time painting your skin.

He was focusing on your with such intensity and taking great care to only get the paint where he wanted it, so as to not stain certain parts of you or your dress. The sight of his caution made that familiar warmth bloom in your chest again.

He took his time painting beautiful designs along your arm before moving down to paint on your thighs and legs. He was alternating between purple and blue hues now, and the swirling patterns reminded you a lot of his tattoos that you adored. You had spent many nights lying next to him in bed, tracing the lines of his tattoos until you were too sleepy to keep it up. Seeing the patterns against your own skin briefly made you think about if you would ever want to get a tattoo. Before you put too much thought into it, your attention was pulled back to Jungkook who was sitting up now and admiring his work.

The time had passed by much quicker than you anticipated, and it was starting to get dark outside as the light was no longer filtering in through the windows of the room.

He seemed satisfied as he nodded and smiled. “Wait here, I’ll be right back. Stay just like this,” he placed a gentle kiss on your forehead before leaving the room. When he returned, he had his coveted polaroid camera in his hands. Jungkook was also big into photography, and every one of his hobbies suited him perfectly in some way.

“Is it ok if I take a photo of you, baby?”

You grinned and nodded, being careful not to move too much from your current position. He snapped the photo and the polaroid was printing immediately after. When he pulled it from the camera, he laid it down on the table next to his easel so it could develop properly.

Jungkook wiped his hands off on his apron before taking it off and drawing his attention back to you. He could stare at you like this all day, but he knew it would probably be best to get you both cleaned up and paint-free.

He offered a hand for you so he could help pull you off the loveseat. When you were up fully, he wrapped his arms around you, careful to not get any of his exposed, paint-covered skin on your dress.

“You look so beautiful like this,” he murmured softly, brushing some of your hair out of your face as his eyes scanned up and down your body to admire his creation. “And as much as I love seeing it, we should probably get this paint off soon. When it dries too much, it can be a bitch to scrub off, and I don’t want that for you.”

You chuckled at that and simply nodded your head. You’d been lying there for nearly 2 hours at this point, so you were pretty tired and ready to just relax for the night.

The two of you hopped into the shower shortly after, helping each other rid your bodies of the remnants of paint covering you both. You always loved taking showers with Jungkook, because whether or not it was a short, regular shower, or one shared after a night of intimacy, these moments were some that you cherished the most and wouldn’t change for the world.

You got lost in the feeling of Jungkook scrubbing shampoo into your hair, letting out soft noises as your eyes slipped closed.

Your noises always threatened to drive Jungkook crazy, and this time was no exception. He couldn’t deny the stirring of his cock as he listened to the little moans slipping from your mouth at such a simple action.

Of course, since he was so close to you, there was no way you didn’t feel him. His cock was hardening against your thigh, and the fact that you were turning him on by not doing much turned you on.

You could feel the wetness start to slip past your folds, but you decided to not make any moves yet, wondering how far you could take this before either of you snapped. You knew that teasing him was one of the quickest ways to get Jungkook riled up.

“Feels so good, Koo,” you shamelessly moaned out as he kept massaging the shampoo into your hair. You heard him let out a small grunt at your deliberate words, feeling him twitch against your thigh as he got harder.

You leaned your head back to give him a better view of your neck, since you knew he loved to mark you up there. His hands were starting to tangle in your hair, but he took care to not pull too hard as he brought his attention back to the task(s) at hand.

He was currently focusing on two things: 1) getting the rest of the shampoo out of your hair, and 2) not fucking you up against the shower wall. Doing the first thing was currently keeping him from acting on the second, but you certainly weren’t helping with that.

Your head lolled around on your neck, your eyes still closed as your sounds got louder. He knew you were messing with him now, so as retaliation he pulled on your hair a little tighter, making you gasp.

“You’re doing this on purpose, angel,” you could hear the dark tone of his voice over the waterfall in the shower clearly, and it just made you more aroused. You chanced opening your eyes to look at him, and the sight you were met with made you moan louder, this time without trying.

Jungkook was staring at you, mouth slightly parted as he let out pants of his own, his blonde, soaked tresses falling in his face and covering his eyes. His tongue darted out to lick his lips as he tugged on your hair again, making you reach out to place your hands on his chest.

“You’re teasing me to get me worked up, hm?” All you could do was nod, his husky voice and the feeling of his hand wrapped in your hair making you wetter by the second. There was no use in playing coy any longer. You wanted him, and he wanted you.

The question now was: who would make the first move?

You realized that you wanted to be the one to make the first move, so you did.

“So, what if I am,” you asked sweetly, wrapping your hand around his length and pumping him slowly. His eyes closed and he leaned his forehead against your shoulder, fingers now digging into your waist.

“You know what happens when you do that,” Jungkook warned. You absolutely knew what happened, and you definitely wanted it to happen.

“Hmm, I don’t know, maybe you should enlighten me.” You teased him as you gently nibbled on his earlobe, increasing your pace as you continued to stroke him. You heard him let out a soft moan against your shoulder as he placed a kiss there.

With no more hesitation, you turned him slightly and sank down to your knees in front of him, delighted by how his cock jerked in your hold when you steadied it with your hand.

Jungkook stared at you wide-eyed as you started moving your hand around his shaft before placing a gentle kiss on his tip, the prettiest groan falling from his lips. “Fuck, Y/N, are you sure you want to do this?”

You peeked up at him as you fluttered your eyelashes, knowing that seeing you like this always aroused him beyond belief. You continued moving your hand in slow, languid strokes, and he was almost fully hard now.

He let his head hit the wall behind him, soft curses and praises for you tumbling from his mouth.

Seeing him like this had to be near the top of the list of your favorite sights to ever witness. And right then is when you figured it’d be the perfect time to surprise him. Without a warning you opened your mouth and took all of him in that you could reach.

Jungkook’s reaction was immediate.

“Hey wait what are y- oh my God, fuck.” His loud moan echoed off the walls of the room, causing a fresh wave of arousal to pool between your thighs. You sucked harder as you hollowed out your cheeks, ignoring the way your throat constricted around him.

“Y/N, shit, you feel so good, your mouth- fuck, angel, I don’t want to hurt you,” Jungkook was panting hard above you, eyes shut and brows furrowed, jaw slack as he unabashedly continued to moan at your actions. He was reaching behind him to try and hold something, but the smooth wall had nothing to offer him. His fingers were slipping against the tile, so he gave up and instead settled for clenching and unclenching his fists.

You pulled off him with a pop, a string of saliva left in your wake. You smiled up at him as you kept stroking him, not wanting his pleasure to disappear in the slightest.

“You won’t hurt me, Koo,” you reassured him, earning another groan from the man falling apart under your touch. He twitched in your hold, and you stuck your tongue out again to run it along the underside of his length.

Jungkook chanced looking down at you, only to look up at the ceiling a moment later while he muttered a strained “holy shit.”

“C’mon baby, don’t you want to look at me,” you taunted him as your tongue played with the head of his cock, swirling around him. The low groans coming from above you let you know that he enjoyed that a lot.

“Fuck, angel, I-” Jungkook’s sentence died as a moan ripped itself from his throat when you surged back down to take all of him in again. This time you continued moving, feeling the tears in the corners of your eyes but not stopping.

It wasn’t like you’d never sucked him off like this before, seeing as it was one of your favorite activities, after all. But it was a rare occasion where Jungkook would let you take all of him in one go for fear of hurting you. So, you took these chances whenever they presented themselves, and the reward was always, always worth it.

Tears along with the water droplets from the shower were coating your face but you didn’t care. All of your focus was on Jungkook and how he was trying so hard to restrain himself above you. You watched his fists clench and unclench and you could feel himself struggle to keep his hips from moving forward so he didn’t fuck your mouth.

Yeah, you weren’t having that. You wanted him to let go, wanted him to know that it was ok, that you wanted this. You reached out to grab one of his hands and placed it in your hair, relishing in the way his fingers immediately tangled themselves into the wet strands. You pulled your mouth off of him again, but not before letting your tongue drag slowly across every inch of him.

You looked up at him again as you pumped him leisurely, waiting until he brought his gaze down to stare at you, only for him to quickly close his eyes again.

“God, I can’t look at you, like I want to, fuck do I want to, but you look so fucking good like this, I’m not gonna last-”

You always found his stammering to be cute and you didn’t want to torture him too much longer. Deciding that you’d teased him enough, you took all of him into your mouth again, intertwining your fingers with his unoccupied hand and giving it a squeeze. The intimacy of this particular action was always enough to get both of you going, and it had Jungkook’s hips stuttering as you sucked hard.

“Fuck, baby, always take me so good like this. Always so good for me, I love you, fuck,” he was groaning as his head hit the wall behind him again, his hold in your hair tightening the same moment you felt him buck his hips like you’d been wanting all this time.

Unfortunately, for you, whenever Jungkook would fuck your mouth, no matter how much you wanted to sit there and take it without issue, his size always proved to be too big for you to handle and it had you coughing around his length in no time. Which, of course, always made Jungkook stop what he was doing before either of you had the chance to enjoy it much.

“Fuck, baby, I’m so sorry, are you ok?” Jungkook pulled you up while you kept coughing, brushing the wet strands of hair out of your face and looking at you with worry. You nodded and tried to reassure him, wanting to get back on your knees for him, but he held you in place.

“You don’t want me to continue,” you asked, your voice a little more hoarse than usual thanks to what your throat had just endured.

Jungkook shook his head. “No, angel, it’s not that. If you do keep going, I’ll cum in no time.” He brushed some of the water away from under your eyes, not knowing if it was tears or from the shower. He bent down to place a rough kiss on your lips, such a contrast from how his hands caressed your face.

“I want to be inside of you when that happens,” he murmured against you, gently biting down on your bottom lip and pulling a whine from you, in turn causing more wetness to gush between your legs. “If you’ll let me, of course.”

You almost laughed. “Koo, you know I’ll let you do anything at this point.”

He chuckled. “That’s a dangerous admission, baby. You sure about that?”

You nodded, wrapping your arms around his neck to pull him closer. “Of course I’m sure. I’d let you do anything you want because I trust you. Because I love you,” it was your turn to kiss him this time, and it was filled with so much passion it nearly made him dizzy. Jungkook could never get tired of the feeling of your lips against his, of hearing you say that you loved him, of feeling your skin pressed against each other during times like these.

Jungkook was hooked on you and he never wanted to go back to a time where he wasn’t.

You pulled him out of his thoughts as you tugged on some of his hair, earning a delicious sounding grunt from him. You whispered your next snarky comment right by his ear.

“You gonna fuck me now, baby?”

Your bluntness had his cock quickly stirring back to life after it had softened some during your coughing incident. He growled low and dark as he started placing love bites on your collarbone.

“Sure you don’t want me to return the favor first, angel?” He was marking up your skin while he asked this, so you almost didn’t realize what he was asking specifically but then it dawned on you.

“As much I love seeing you with your head between my legs,” you responded, tugging on his hair again, “I’d rather have you fuck me up against this wall.”

He moaned against your collarbone, the action vibrating your skin. He pulled off of you and brought your lips to his in a filthy kiss. “Your wish is my command.”

Jungkook lifted you up then by placing his hands under your ass and you got the message, wrapping your legs around him as he held you up. He turned so your back was against the wall, the only things now holding you up being his strong arms and the smooth tile behind you.

He first plunged two fingers inside you without a warning, making you let out a silent scream. He smirked at the way you clenched around his fingers, scissoring them before pulling them out again. You whined at the loss and he shushed you with a gentle kiss on your nose.

“Had to make sure you’re ready, baby.” He had one arm wrapped around your waist, trapped in between your back and the shower wall. With his now free hand, he lined himself up with your entrance, moaning when the tip of his cock was sucked in by your velvety walls.

“Fuck, you already feel so good and I’m barely in yet,” he clenched his jaw as he sank further into you inch by inch. When he finally bottomed out and was filling you up in the best way possible, you clenched around him to tease him further, making him curse.

“Watch it, angel,” he growled. “You’re gonna make it very hard for me to not blow it if you keep doing that, and I want you there with me when I do.”

“Then I guess you’d better start moving,” you teased, wrapping your arms more tightly around his neck. You knew what was coming next; Jungkook would put you exactly in your place, just like you wanted. And for that you needed to hold on tight for dear life because that man could rock you like nothing ever had before.

Jungkook grabbed your hips firmly in his hold as he fucked up into you, making sure you were held against the wall and weren’t in danger of falling down as he did so. Despite this, each thrust had you sliding more up the wall until he would bring you back down again. When he found a pace that was he was sure he could resume without either of you getting hurt, he finally let go.

To say you saw stars would be an understatement. Jungkook was fucking you with so much vigor that you weren’t just seeing stars, you were sure you were seeing entire galaxies. Your sounds kept dying out on your tongue because the feeling was so overwhelming and it had your trembling around him in no time.

“Can’t make any sounds when I’m fucking you this good, angel?” Jungkook was taunting you now and quite frankly, he was right, he was fucking you so good that you were finding it hard to say anything. And the mixture of his dirty words with the sweet pet name you adored had you clenching even tighter around him, causing him to groan loudly and grip your waist tighter.

You eventually found your voice again when Jungkook hit a certain spot inside of you, pulling an embarrassingly loud whine from your throat. You buried your face in the crook of his neck, tears almost brimming in your eyes once again at how good he felt.

“Fuck, Jungkook, feels so good, oh my God-” your praises made him twitch inside you as he moved his hands now from your waist to hold you up by cupping your ass, squeezing tightly in time with his thrusts. He was bouncing you up and down on his cock now with his strength alone, and the thought of it made your orgasm start to approach at an alarmingly fast rate.

“I love feeling you so close like this, I love you, so fucking much, shit-” Jungkook cut himself off as threw his head back to get his hair out of his face, careful not to let his balance falter or his grip slip on you. He had to do it though because his hair was keeping him from seeing your face now that you were leaning your head back against the wall, and he couldn’t have that.

“I love you, Jungkook, I’m close, fuck,” you were breathing hard as you couldn’t control your moans any longer, eyes squeezed shut and tears falling from just how much pleasure you were receiving and also how much you loved this man. Jungkook was the man you’d loved for so many years before you were finally able to call him yours. He always took care of you in every aspect of life, and you reciprocated it as best you could. And it was because of this kind of love you two had for each other that made these intimate times all the more meaningful. You were sitting here, back up against a shower wall in the arms of the man you loved while he rearranged your guts, and it was such an emotional experience alongside being a pleasurable one that the tears actually made sense.

Jungkook bit down on your shoulder and pulled you out of your reverie, making you cry out as he muffled his own sounds against your skin. You could tell by his thrusts that he was getting close now, his grunts happening more frequently and louder, echoing off the tiled shower walls. The water had already started to get cold but neither of you cared. Nothing outside of the two of you existed in this moment, and that was exactly how you liked it.

“Touch yourself for me, baby, I’m close, want you to be there with me,” Jungkook breathed out, his grip on your ass harsher now and you were sure there’d be marks tomorrow. You loved it when he marked you up, and even though he always felt slightly bad about it, you knew Jungkook loved seeing the marks, too.

You obeyed his command and reached down to rub your clit, nearly shrieking at the new wave of pleasure that washed over you. The sensations on your clit, his cock hitting that perfect spot inside of you, the way he was holding you, and all the things he was saying to you was enough to finally push you over the edge.

“Jungkook, I’m cumming, fuck-” you barely had time to utter out your warning before you were cumming hard around his length, your body spasming as he held you through it.

He sped up then, chasing his own high now, the feeling of your walls clenching around him making his eyes roll back. “Fuck, I can feel you, always so perfect for me, I’m close-”

His eyes were closed now so he didn’t see you reach for him. You pulled him closer so you could kiss him, hoping to help him along this way, swallowing down every beautiful sound he was making. “C’mon Koo, cum for me, wanna feel you fill me up.”

“Fuuuuck,” he moaned out, loud and long as that was the last thing he needed to get him there. His hips stuttered a few more times before you felt him twitch and fill you up, just like you wanted. Because gravity was working against you due to your current position, you could feel some of it dripping out of you despite Jungkook still being inside of you. The feeling made you scrunch up your nose, and the action made Jungkook laugh and mumble out ‘cute’ as he placed a kiss on the tip of your nose.

He pulled out of you carefully before moving you away from the wall so he could set you down on your feet. Your legs were a little wobbly, so he let you brace yourself against him as he helped you clean up.

The water was nearing a very uncomfortable cold temperature, but the both of you would rather endure that than leave the shower without cleaning off completely. After the workout you both had, there was nothing more you wanted than to curl up with each other in the bed.

After helping each other get clean again, and stealing quite a few kisses while doing so, Jungkook helped you out of the shower since you still didn’t trust your legs and dried you off before taking care of himself. Your heart swelled at the sight of him as it always did when he would take care of you like this.

You just hoped that you were taking care of him in all the ways he needed as well. You were certainly trying your best and would continue to do so for the rest of your life.

Once you were both snuggled into bed, him with an arm under you and you with your face nuzzling against his chest, you broke the silence first.

“If that’s what happens when I let you put paint on me, we should do that more often.”

Jungkook, who was tracing invisible patterns on your back in between your shoulder blades, laughed so hard you shook along with him. When he finally calmed down, he was able to answer you. “I totally agree. Although, I don’t think that happened because I painted you. It happened because you-” he booped you on the nose “-teased me, knowing full well what happens when you do.”

You shrugged as best you could with his arms around you. “You love it, though.”

Jungkook chuckled. “Indeed I do.” He placed a kiss on the top of your head and resumed his earlier soothing tracing of patterns on your skin. You rested your cheek against his chest and could hear his heartbeat, slow and steady. The combined actions of his hands and the steady thrum of his heartbeat was enough to have slumber calling your name in a matter of minutes.

Jungkook had something more to say, however.

“Hey,” he called gently, making you look up at him with groggy eyes. He smiled at the sight. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For helping me. For being my muse. I’ve got more ideas now about what else to create, and I don’t think I could’ve gotten there without your help.”

You smiled at him before you placed your head down again and shut your eyes once more, breathing deeply. “You would’ve eventually. That’s just how you are. Maybe I sped up the process, but you would’ve done fine.”

“Perhaps,” he sighed and looked at the ceiling. His glance travelled down to look at your nearly sleeping form, laying on him calm and unbothered. Moments like these topped his list of favorite things, and he wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world.

“Goodnight, angel,” he murmured softly, not sure if you were asleep or not yet. You muttered something unintelligible back, but he knew you were telling him goodnight all the same, and it brought a smile to his face.

Jungkook wanted to tackle life with you, the good, the bad, all of it; he wanted to do it with you by his side. He wanted to make sure every day of your life from here on out was filled with happiness and love and everything you deserved in the world, just as you wanted to do the same for him. He knew you’d do anything for him, and he’d do anything for you.

Only for you.

#bts #bts smut #jungkook smut #jungkook fluff #jungkook au #jungkook x reader #jungkook scenarios #ofy drabble

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emotions-ew · 3 years ago

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A Collection of Queer Country Artists and Songs for anyone who doesn’t feel like there’s country music they can relate to...

There is this idea that country music is like just Republican men singing about beer, and trucks and also Jesus, and that is kind of fair because loads of it is but there are some cool as hell queer/lgbtq+ country artists. Finding those and finding that representation in a genre of music I was literally raised on kind of changed my life in a tiny way and I wanted to share that.

(This is by no means a comprehensive list and also I’m basing the “Country” part of this sometimes on my subjective opinion/limited music knowledge so yuh please don’t hate me if I get some wrong)

Also link below for a Spotify playlist of my favourite gay/gayish country music, some mentioned in this post some not, (with a title that isn’t obviously gay for anyone who can’t openly listen to gay stuff on their public accounts for whatever reason) so feel free to skip the massive essay and just jump straight to that. And pretty please repost if I missed anyone/ any songs you love.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7KB6PmUxnpkU7lih8Bysvw

Artists To Follow:

Chely Wright

- Right off the bat, Chely Wright is a legend and I’m in love with her. So, in the 90′s Chely Wright was kind of a huge deal. She started her career as a singer/songwriter and released her first album in ‘94, which was critically acclaimed although never reached the commercial success of her later works. By ‘97 she was really hitting her stride, dropping her breakout hit “Shut up and Drive” (a personal favourite of mine) followed two years later by the biggest hit of her career “Single White Female”. Throughout all that Chely Wright was, to the world, a good old fashioned, heterosexual southern gal. Privately it was a bit of a different story. She had public relationships with male country artists, all while pursuing a secret decade long relationship with a woman.

I hadn’t ever really heard a Chely Wright song until a few years ago so I never knew about her music or career pre-coming out but I do know that even though by the time she came out in 2010 she was by no means at the height of her fame Chely Wright is kind of one of the biggest names in country music to be out and proud (in my opinion) and I love her like an insane amount. I literally play her music in my car when I have passengers just so I can be like “fun fact this singer is actually gay-” and then subject them to a lengthy explanation of her entire career. She came out with an album and a memoir and the album is my favourite of her work because it’s so fucking raw and because I relate to most of it immensely. Anyways Chely Wright went fucking through it in her journey to being her authentic self and now she’s out and proud and married to a woman and they have a family together and I’m a fucking sucker for a happy ending and y’all should add her to every playlist you have. And on top of that her music is genuinely good. Coming out undoubtedly damaged her career but I think that

Brandi Carlile

- As far as I can tell Brandi Carlile has been out her whole career. I feel like this list is just going to be me saying “I’m in love with her” about a bunch of women old enough to be my mother but in my defence, I am honestly in love with her. She’s been making music since she was like, seventeen, and has had a bunch of massive hits, as a singer, songwriter, and producer. If you want to cry kind of happy tears listen to her performance of “Bring my Flowers Now” with Tanya Tucker. She’s won Grammy’s and CMT awards and she’s done it all as an out Queer woman. She’s also a founding member of The Highwomen, an all-female country music group who released their first album in 2019, comprised of Carlile, Marren Morris, Natalie Hemby and Amanda Shires. I really love this band because they’re four artists who are immensely successfully in their own right collabing, much like the Highwaymen, and their music is phenomenal while also being a fuck you to mainstream country music and their inability to properly represent women in country music spaces.

She’s been married to a woman (smoking hot and also brilliant) since 2012 and they have two kids together and if you want to cry (again) then you have to listen to her song “Mother” about her eldest daughter. A queer country artist absolutely worth adding to all your playlists.

Brooke Eden

- As I understand it Eden came out publicly in January of this year. She’s engaged to Hilary Hoover, who she’s been dating since 2015 apparently. I can’t even imagine the pressure that must be on a person and how stressful it would be to keep a relationship secret from the whole world for years and personally I think they’re a cute as hell couple and I wish them literally all the happiness in the world.

Brooke Eden has a few older songs that I think are really good, my favourite being “Act Like You Don’t”, and while her new stuff isn’t my usual country vibe I am a sucker for literally anything gay and it is legally my gay duty to stream any song that she releases to support my fellow queer. It’s quite different to anything Wright or Carlile sing but I actually kind of love that because it shows that country music of all different shapes and sizes and styles can be sung by queer artists.

Amythyst Kiah

- Okay so I am a very new listener to Amythyst Kiah, but her music is literally so beautiful it would be a straight up sin to not include her on this list. Her music is country-blues-roots esq (more roots than country, I think?) and her voice is so unique. She grew up in Chattanooga and has been playing music since childhood. She recently made her Opry debut which is fucking awesome. She also belongs to a band called Our Native Daughters, described as “A supergroup of Black women in traditional music”. Their debut album “Songs of Our Native Daughters” did numbers and I haven’t listened to the whole thing but my favourite so far are “Black Myself” and “I Knew I Could Fly” so y’all add that to your playlists along with “Wild Turkey” by Amythyst Kiah because holy hell her voice on that will blow your mind.

Steve Grand

- The first man to make this list, he should frankly be honoured. Grand has been an out and proud gay man making country music since like 2013, and I have so much respect for an artist who chose to simply never be in, choosing instead to simply write gay ass songs about being in love with men and letting the chips fall where they man. His music is always going to have a special place in my heart and, he’s cute so if you’re into men and music by men give him a google. add him to your playlists, his All-American Boy album is literally just a dozen songs that are perfect to yell-sing along to.

Katie Pruitt

- Not hugely knowledgeable on Katie Pruitt but her music makes me feel crazy intense emotions and is absolutely gay

Honorable Mention Artists I haven’t Really Listened to But Who I Know to be gay thanks to google and might be your thing so totally check them out:

Brandy Clark

Ty Herndon

Shelly Fairchild

Lavendar Country

Trixie Mattel

Cameron Hawthorn

Drop any other names of artists or songs you know of

Specific Songs That Make Me Fucking Cry or (in good and bad ways (but always in a gay way)) or basically are just gay as hell:

If She Ever Leaves Me; The Highwomen

- So, this album came out about a week before my first (and only) girlfriend broke up with me. The general gist of the song is a woman singing about how her loved isn’t ever going to leave her but if she does it sure as hell won’t be for a creepy man in a bar. A little ironic that I felt I related to it so intensely, considering she did in fact leave me. There’s this one lyric that goes “I’ve loved her in secret/I’ve lover here out loud/the sky hasn’t always been blue” and my girlfriend and I were crazy deep in the closet so I drew her a cute little picture of a grey cloud and on the back I wrote that lyric and I gave it to her and to me it was kind of a promise that one day I’d get a chance to love her out loud and even though I never actually did this song is forever going to make me cry because of the little bit of hope that lyric gave me and the way it’s inclusion on this overwhelmingly mainstream country album made me feel like acceptance was just that little bit closer.

All American Boy; Steve Grand

- Definitely one of the first gay country songs I ever heard, and Steve Grand didn’t once sacrifice a scrap of country for the gay. It’s beautiful, it’s a little sad, it’s hopeful. It’s forever going to hold a special place in my heart and the music videos is kind of one of my favourites ever. I found this song before I found myself and the way it made my heart warm should have been a stronger sign than I took it to be.

Like Me; Chely Wright

- When you love someone you kind of make it your mission to know them in a way that no one else can. This song by Chely Wright is sort of an ode to that, and how even once you lost someone, you’re still going to know every little thing about them. On top of that it sort of speaks to the idea that all these things Wright learned about this woman, she learned in secret and she knew her and loved her in secret and now that they’re gone from each other she’s left with all of this knowledge and all of these questions and no one to answer them. I love the way it’s so slow and the melody and her voice, the way it’s low and a little raspy, make this one of my favourite Chely Wright songs.

The Mother; Brandi Carlile

- Sorry but a song about being a mother by a queer woman is going to make me cry every time and actually I’m not that sorry. It’s quite a simple song, if any song written by Brandi Carlile can ever be described as ‘simple’, it’s an ode to her daughter. My favourite line is “you are not an accident/where no one thought it through” because it speaks to the fact that in order for queer women to have a kid together they have to want it so damn bad and also I just like the way her voice sounds on that line. This song is also the perfect thing to listen to if you ever for a second feel like being gay/queer is going to stand in the way of you having a family because it absolutely doesn’t have to and if that’s something you want, you can have it. Don’t let people try and convince you otherwise.

Loving Her; Katie Pruitt

- Unapologetic gay love. Opening a song with “If loving hers a sin, I don’t wanna go to heaven” is a fucking baller move and she went there. The lyrics are beautiful, and her voice is phenomenal. It could be a sad song, about confronting religious repression and grappling with what that means for your love, but instead its triumphant. Katie Pruitt doesn’t give a fuck if you have a problem because she’s going to write songs for her lover.

Jesus From Texas; Semler

- Not actually totally sure this is a country song, but it has the words ‘Jesus’ and ‘Texas’ in the title so I feel safe including it in this list. Honestly, I don’t really know why I relate so hard to this song. Like, I wasn’t really raised with religion, so I don’t know what it is about this funky little tune that makes me want to sob but there’s something about this tune that makes me want to do whatever the opposite of get up and dance is, but like, in a good way.

Lovin’ Again; Steve Grand

- Breakup song that ends kind of positively? So good to sing along to at high, high volumes. The idea that losing someone doesn’t have to mean losing yourself and just because you can’t love them doesn’t mean you’re not ever going to love again. But also kind of about how it’s hard to get over someone, I don’t know it’s just good.

Cryin’ These Cocksucking Tears; Lavender Country

- Jesus christ if this isn’t the coolest shit I’ve ever heard in my life. Sorry but a gay country group formed in 1972 who dropped possibly the first gay themed country album, and this was the title of one of the songs. God I am in love.

Songs that (to me) are a little fruity or that I just relate to in a gay way:

Picket Fences; Chely Wright

- Chely Wright is gay but this song came out long before she did and when she wrote it, it wasn’t supposed to be gay which is why it’s in this section and not the previous. The reason it’s included at all is because frankly ma’am, Mrs Wright, it’s a little fruity. And I feel a little bad for joking because honestly to me, the way I hear this song and knowing the context (that Wright was deeply closeted at the time she wrote and released it), it’s kind of just sad. The general gist of the song is Wright asking what’s so great about a traditional lifestyle anyways. It could be read as a woman genuinely questioning why we push that expectation that she’ll have two kids and a husband and a picket fence lifestyle, or even could be read as a woman who’s trying to deflect how much she does in fact want that, you have to listen and form your own opinion. But to me, it feels like a woman who’s desperately trying to justify why she doesn’t want that life not because she can’t have it, but she knows it will never be right for her. I don’t know it’s hard to explain I just feel like this song is a little bit gay even though I’m sure she didn’t intend that.

Sinning with You; Sam Hunt

- Sorry but this song is gay. Sorry but you can’t write the lines “I never felt like I was sinning with you/Always felt like I could talk to God in the morning” and “if it’s so wrong why did it feel so right” and “But I never felt shame, never felt sorry/Never felt guilty touching your body” and not to mention the opening line of “raised in the first pew/praises for yeshua/case of a small town repression”, and expect to not sit in my car sobbing as I realised that while I never felt like what we did was a sin she absolutely did, and wishing I could have told her that I was sorry for making her carry the weight of both our souls but also that it wasn’t a sin and nothing in the world could feel that good and be that bad and it isn’t right that she had to be so ashamed of something that was just so good. Sam Hunt actually said after he wrote the song that while it was reflection on his own relationship with faith he genuinely hopes that people in the lgbtq community can like find comfort or whatever in his words and like go off king, we stan an ally.

How do I Get There; Deana Carter

- This ones easy, it’s about falling in love with your best friend and suddenly realising you want more than just friendship with them. Sorry Deana, that’s gay. In my Deana Carter of like Year 10 I played this song on repeat and screamed along to the lyrics as though singing it hard enough would make her like me back.

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bloodorangesoup · 4 years ago

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Oh, Don't Mind Me | B.B.

Summary: Reader is having a very good day, including a damn good sandwich and an adorable dance session in the kitchen. Bucky observes with heart eyes. Slow dancing ensues.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: None, complete fluff

My Masterlist

Notes: This is my first writing on here, let me know what yall think! Hopefully, as I continue writing I’ll get better, but for now, I liked this. Also, I do not and will not respect the rules of grammar surrounding punctuation and quotation marks because they do not, as Marie Kondo says, spark joy. Happy reading!

Spring had finally settled in Upstate New York leaving the air fresh and the flowers bright. It was one of those days that just flowed. Gliding by breakfast, you had already turned in a mission report that was supposed to be completed a few days prior, took a shower, tidied up your room, and started lunch. There was a steady buzz of contentment in your head, a result of the day’s effortless productivity and quiet atmosphere.

Putting together the last pieces of the sandwich you made for yourself, you chose to ride the high of your productive buzz and wash the dishes you used before eating. Never had you felt so happy washing dishes. The water was just a little hotter than warm and felt relaxing. Even after the knife and cutting mat were clean you let the water run over your hands, taking in the steam rising to your face causing goosebumps to appear on the area of your arms that the water didn’t cover. Everything just felt like it was in place, it just felt good. When you finished, you dried off your hands and poured yourself some water, admiring how pretty the droplets of condensation looked on the glass.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., play my favorite playlist, please,” you chimed into the empty kitchen.

“Playing your most played playlist on Spotify,” F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice echoed through the room. You silently thanked Tony for his genius idea of connecting all the team’s Spotify accounts to F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s system. With that silent thank you, When A Man Loves a Woman by Percy Sledge began softly drifting through the speakers in the kitchen and adjacent living room.

You felt like you were floating. The floor to ceiling windows in the hall let in the sunlight and you closed your eyes as it touched your face and spread warmth all over you. Leaning against the counter, you opened your eyes and turned for a moment to pick up the first half of your sandwich. Closing them again, you took a slow bite and slowly chewed, letting your shoulders drop and letting out a hum of pleasure. Maybe it was the perfection of the moment, but it was a damn good sandwich.

With a small smile lifting up the corners of your lips, you began softly rocking your head side to side with the slow rhythm of the song. The smile on your face grew as you felt the music course through your ears, down your neck, into your chest, and through the rest of your body down to the tips of your toes. Taking another bite of your sandwich, you pushed off from your spot leaning against the counter and stood in the space between the counter and kitchen island for a few seconds before letting your whole body rock side to side just like your head had before. With the combination of the lack of duties to worry about, the satisfaction of such an excellent sandwich, the sun glowing across your skin, and the music coursing through your veins, you felt completely and utterly at peace.

About fifteen minutes prior, Bucky had just finished a workout session. Once his hair was literally dripping with sweat he decided it was about time to get cleaned up and see what you were up to. He happily got to his room, showered, and changed into fresh clothes with nothing but you on his mind. He checked your room to find it empty and assumed that, without a text telling him otherwise, you were probably in one of the living rooms or the kitchen.

Not wanting to disrupt the quiet that settled over the compound on this day, he didn’t call out for you and figured he would see you eventually. He padded through the hall and heard the distant drone of music playing from the kitchen area. Smiling to himself, he remembered how excited you were when Tony had sent out the text telling the team he added Spotify to F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s system.

He recognized the song as one you had put on a playlist you had made for him at the beginning of your relationship. He had worked up the courage to ask you out, after a few months of intense pining and a lot of pep talks from Steve, and later that night received a goodnight text from you including a link to a playlist titled “For Bucky”. The song was about two decades after “his time”, but after seeing how much you melted at it, it quickly became one of his favorites to listen to.

Once he finally reached the source of the sound, he halted to a stop at the doorway of the kitchen. To his delight, you were exactly where he thought you would be. However instead of simply making something to eat, you were dancing in the middle of the kitchen. Eyes closed, grooving to the sounds of the speakers, the light hit you in a way that made his breath hitch and a lump form in his throat. You looked adorable, gorgeous, absolutely beautiful. The song playing also brought right to his attention that, in addition to adorable, gorgeous, and absolutely beautiful, you were also all his. All of that, your soft humming to the music, your unabashed smile, your hips swaying back and forth, was all his. The sight of it alone made his mouth gape open a little and the back of his eyes sting with tears that hadn’t yet formed.

But before he could get completely swept away with his overwhelming adoration for you, you turned around and opened your eyes for a second to take another bite of your, once again, amazing sandwich and came face to face with Bucky. It startled you enough to make you jump and look away in exasperation of the small scare. Bucky chuckled to himself at how cute you could be and leaned against the doorway. You looked up at him with a face that clearly said “how long have you been standing there and how much did you see?” Ignoring the silent question, Bucky decided the opportunity was just too good to pass up teasing you a little.

“Oh, don’t mind me, doll, keep going.” He couldn’t help the little grin that crept up his face.

At this point the song had faded out and transitioned into another song. Bucky identified it as one that was also on the playlist you made for him and it made his grin a little wider realizing that it was in fact “For Bucky” that you were playing.

You rolled your eyes, leaned your hip on the side of the island, and decided to verbally repeat your question.

“How long have you been standing there?”

“Oh hey, Bucky! It’s nice to see you, I missed you, how was your day?” Bucky mocked, pretending to be you. “Oh hey, y/n! I missed you too, my day’s been good,’” Bucky replied back to himself, making you groan and roll your eyes again.

“Hey Buck, how was your day?” You asked him in the most monotone voice you could use, making sure to exaggerate the annoyed expression you wore.

His grin turned into a smirk as he opted to answer your initial question rather than answer the one he mocked you into.

“I’ve been standing here long enough to see you dancing to our song, angel. Very cute, really.” He teased.

“Oh, shut up and come here” You pouted while lifting your arms, inviting him to take up the open space. He smiled at your change in tone and pushed off the doorframe to meet you with arms wide open. You slipped your arms around his neck, resting them on his shoulders, while he snaked his around your waist. He turned you both so that your back was to the island and he caged you against it. You let your head fall against his chest while he leaned down and buried his head in your hair. You could smell him on his clothes, the subtle musk of his skin that lingered anytime you slept in his bed or cuddled him.

Inhaling and exhaling with a sigh, you ran a hand through the hair at the back of his head, returning to that state of absolute peace, now having with you another reason to feel it.

From inside your hair, a grumbled voice came through, “You know that song you were playing when I first came in, I listen to it all the time, always makes me think of you.”

You couldn’t control the giddy feeling that hearing that left you with. You looked up at him, prompting him to lift his head and peer down back at you. Your eyes met and you smiled wide at him, loving the feeling of being wrapped up in him. He grinned back at you and you couldn’t avoid seeing the look of bliss that graced his face, if you could have it your way you would keep him in this moment forever.

“You said that song was our song?” You asked.

“It’s the song I think of when I think of you, and it’s the first one on the playlist you made for me,” he blushed but then quickly followed up, “it doesn’t have to be our song if you don’t want it to or if you want a different one or someth-”

You moved forward away from the island, pushing him backwards with your hips until you were both standing, still embraced, in the middle of the kitchen.

Shaking your head you hummed, “I love it. Dance with me?” Bucky simply nodded his head, staring at you like you put the stars in the sky.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., play the first song on this playlist again, please.” The sound of the old 60s love song started tuning into the room. You didn’t think your smile could get any wider than when Bucky started rocking the both of you side to side, his eyes never leaving your own other than the occasional glance at your lips.

“You’re so amazing, angel, you know that?”

“You’re one to talk, you’re absolutely perfect yourself, Mr. Barnes.”

This made Bucky completely smile down at you. In that moment neither of you needed words to express the loved and adoration you two shared for each other.

Steve walked through the compound looking for Bucky, on a mission to give him back his watch that he’d left in the gym. Hearing your and Bucky’s voices in the living area, he smiled to himself and made his way there. Arguably one of the things in the world that made Steve the happiest was Bucky’s relationship with you. He knew as soon as he had introduced you to the team and could see the way Bucky blushed and got nervous around you that he was a goner. After months of waiting for Bucky to feel okay with dating and feelings and the whole shabang that came with those, he made it his main goal to set you two up. He knew how much you genuinely cared for Bucky and knew how undoubtedly happy you made him, when he saw you two together it served to him a reminder that the world could be good, that things could be bat shit crazy but there was always a silver lining.

Making his way to the kitchen, he ironically stopped at the door frame just as Bucky had, hearing you two together.

“You’re so amazing, angel, you know that?”

“You’re one to talk, you’re absolutely perfect yourself, Mr. Barnes.”

He saw his friend smile down at you and felt the pang of happiness that hit him whenever he listened to Bucky talk about you. He could feel the love from where he stood, rooted in place.

Bucky looked down at your lips once more, you copied him. He leaned in while tightening his hold around your waist, bringing your whole body closer to him, and kissed you softly. The kiss sucked the breath from your lungs. No longer swaying to the music, you let yourself lean into him and kissed him back with passion, making him feel how much you loved him. When your body couldn’t supply you with any more air, you were forced to pull back and look up at him. He looked totally smitten. He peered down at you with red cheeks and a relaxed grin, taking you in.

“God, I love you so much, y/n.”

“I love you more, Buck”

“Impossible.”

You gave him a soft peck in response and dropped your head back on his chest as you continued swaying to your song. Finally tearing his eyes away from you, he noticed Steve standing where he had minutes before, with a satisfied smile, nodding his head in approval.

Bucky just smiled and nodded back, closing his eyes and resting his chin on your head. You were his reminder that the world could be good. Things could be bat shit crazy, but you were always his silver lining.

#bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #marvel #marvel cinematic universe #tfatws #the winter solider #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x avenger!reader

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ventura-starlight · 3 years ago

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angelicstrwbrry's 2k21 year in review >♡<

on March 14th I officially signed away my soul and caved to become an anime blog. the day prior I wrote [for the first time in a while 😭] and basically broke up with my harry potter phase that had conquered my entire personality on this blog for 2 years. and since that day I have been a Haikyuu blog!

When I joined the Fandom I was welcomed by some amazing writers, making me feel more welcome to be an aspiring writer. and although sometimes the writing was cheesy as hell 😐 and the themes were....questionable 😋😋 [basically when I didn't have my sibling helping me]. you have all supported me so much!

about the time I switched blogs I had just reached the 200 follower milestone. and that took me about 2 years to achieve. now at the time of writing this I have 495 amazing supporters. truthfully you all have meant the world to me and I can't explain how much it means to have you all. the past few years have been shit for me but having a support system this amazing hasn't gone unnoticed [seriously- my therapist knows about yall 😭😭] thank you all <3 I love you and I can't wait to see how we grow together <3

STATS BABYYYYY

angelicstrwbrry's survey <3

[please fill out the survey!! it will be amazing to hear from you all and find out what I can do better going forward in this blog :)^^]

Followers: 495

How many writings? 54 [I think lol]

PERSONAL TOP 10: [in no order]

SONGS:

•Put On a Smile // Silk Sonic [literally heaven sent ☹]

•Lo Que Siento //Cuco [thanks damaris for sharing♡]

•Forever // Mumford and Sons [HIPPIE ALERT ⚠️📢]

•So Long // Fleece [let me give this a kiss rn. please]

•Rom-Com Gone Wrong // Matt Maltese [AHHHH 🤍]

•Cry Your Heart Out // Adele [HER NEW ALBUM>>>]

•134340 // BTS [honestly yeah. it's just. so. perfect.]

•Bambi // Clairo [ouchie. but it's relatable so whatever]

•Connect The Dots // Greer [I LOVE THEM AJHHHH]

•Uuuu // Steve Lacy [Steve <3 pls marry me <3 pls <3]

ARTISTS:

•Silk Sonic [gave me everything I needed and more]

•Tyler The Creator [main bae <3 but I love him sm ☹]

•Taylor Swift [I became a hardcore swiftie this year💕]

•Hozier [top artist and!! my favorite tree man :)]

•Mitski [I'm mentally ill. is anyone really surprised? 🙄]

•Faye Webster [I love <3 if you see my insta? yeah <3]

•Matt Maltese [NEW FAV DISCOVERY!!! LOVEEE]

•Ginger Root [pls check him out cause omg amazing]

•Adele [7 year old me is gagging because omfg <3 🛐]

Phoebe Bridgers [once again. mentally ill + therapy]

FICS:

•songs they post you with [simp content but it's cool!]

•how they love you [☹☹ my babies :c]

•simply mine [I LOVE SAKUSA SO MUCH AND PLS]

•almost like being in love [more simps but EEEEEE]

•when we were young [only this sequel >>>>>>>>]

from other blogs....

•mi mariposita by @lalaangeldust [absolutely amazing writer and so sweet! her writings are outstanding and deserve your love ☹☹ the blog theme is immaculate and she has so much talent! MHA ppl, pls go visit!!!!!]

•husband!keiji by @sunkeiji [to all my fellow akaashi lovers out there, you should know sayu by now and omg does she do amazing work! I love everything <3]

•dad!kuroo anything by @kuroosweakness [one of my old favorite type of blogs. she is amazing and so well thought out? seriously works are like poetry to me <3]

•the indeed series by @host-club-hq [I gave been loving this series since day 1 and omgg! this is a kyoya fic series and I love their portrayl of the characters so much! it's not generic and is so well written and ACK]

•haikyuu boys and the one bed trope by @simpforanyanimeguywithdarkhair [I went back and read this a million times since it was posted. so amazing and just the buildup isn't too much. an amazing read for trying to fall asleep at night :))]

PLAYLISTS: check out my spotify ;))

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aquaticstyles · 4 years ago

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unchained

A while ago I was asked for a “Have You Ever Been In Love” sequel, and while this is probably not the direction you guys were expecting, this is what I came up with. Also, this one’s (loosely) inspired by the song “Scott Street” by the lovely Phoebe Bridgers (highly recommend listening to the spotify sessions version while listening). Fun fact, for forever I misheard the lyrics, thinking she was saying “unchained” instead of “ashamed.” After noticing that I have, in fact, been wrong this entire time, I realized I kinda liked my version better (sorry Phoebe). And, me being me, I ran with it and it spun into this quick, 1.4k part two. Reblogs + feedback help so much! Enjoy!! xx, Jane

“Have you ever been in love?”

Harry’s heart stops.

The question catches him off guard, and not just because he’s not used to interviewers asking such personal ones (he guesses this is what he signed up for when he agreed to be the first male flying solo on the cover of Vogue). It makes his heart stop because of his answer, because of the woman that had once asked him the same exact question.

Harry has never been one to linger in his sadness; he finds it unproductive, and quite honestly, completely depressing. After a break up, one can find the caramel-colored curls belonging to the world’s latest phenomenon sweating out his sorrow, or frustration, at the gym, pounding the boxing bag again and again and again. “Nothing another set can’t fix,” his trainer, Mike, would often tease the man in denial, knowing good and well by his posture upon entering the ring, slumped shoulders and an ever-present crease between his eyebrows, that another one had bit the dust the night prior. Mike had learned fairly quickly to never ask questions, to simply let Harry work out his emotions as he pleases, even if that means letting him walk out with wrapped fists masking throbbing, crimson knuckles.

Harry has never been one to talk about his sadness either; he finds it prolongs the pain rather than diminishing it, an annoying gnat swarming around an abnormally large bite from a crisp apple, halting his progression in enjoying his afternoon snack because he just can’t catch the bloody thing. His sister has tried to break him from his stubborn ways, even resulting to getting the lanky man drunk off tequila in hopes of him finally opening up about his incessant missed targets; however, that only ever ends up with Gemma’s arms holding up the giggling teddy bear and folding his bulky body into a taxi, mimicking cramming a cotton ball into a straw. Therapy was suggested and waved off with an inked palm, because if he doesn’t want to talk to his sister about it, how on earth is he supposed to talk to a stranger?

Never-ending claims of “I’m fine,” and “It just didn’t work out,” and “Don’t worry ‘bout me,” and “It wasn’t even that serious.” Sure, each breakup took a little something out of the man that insisted he was “fine,” but eventually, a couple dozen inked journal pages later, Harry would be back to his normal, happy-go-lucky, perfectly-kind self.

All of these rang true for most of Harry’s young adulthood.

All of these were common occurrences, that is, until Harry met you.

You were unlike anyone he had ever met. Selfless, but not in an over-bearing, walk-all-over-me kind of way. Funny, but not in an underlying-hatred, fake-laugh kind of way. Genuine, but not in a look-at-me, fake kind of way. Honest, in a I-want-to-know-everything-that-makes-you-you, ask-you-questions-until-the-sun-rises kind of way. Drop-dead-gorgeous in the most unbelievable, glowing, ethereal, kind of way that he constantly reminded you of. You were the perfect balance, the missing diamond to even out the coal on the other end of the scale.

Loving you felt like the ocean.

In the morning when there’s a hazy screen covering your lenses, clouding the soft sunlight in a muted, white-washed filter. It’s more gray, yet still golden as the shining mass of fire lazily rises from its slumber. It’s calm, clouds stretched apart like cobwebs in the faded blue sky above, waves leisurely, almost too relaxed, crashing along the bleached shore then disappearing back into the horizon. Still sleepy, still new, an entire day ahead of you.

In the afternoon when the sun is at its highest and hottest, radiating down ultraviolet rays that burn your skin, causing alarmingly red shoulders in need of aloe that soon progressively heal and turn into a bronzed exterior. Speckles of light dancing upon excited waves, similar to a neighborhood of children dressed in pink polka dots and orange overalls running towards the ice cream truck filled to the brim with dreams of sugary stomachaches. It’s saturated, every color its brightest and loudest, pops of cerulean and coral. It’s a blanket of comfort, a suffocating scarf. It’s sweet. It’s sour. A cool glass of lemonade sinking into a bed of quicksand. Annoying and astonishing.

In the night, when the yellowing presence is long gone in the awakening of the moon, the deepest indigo swirling in between pockets of stars dotted and flecked into the atmosphere like freckles. It’s black and blue. You don’t know where the earth stopss and the water begins, familiarity lost as the waves erase each new footprint in the sand. The tide is an abuser, sweet as it sings you in, terrifying as it pulls you under. Skinny dipping, vulnerable, exciting, adrenaline, heart thumping, diving, sinking, drowning.

The morning, the afternoon, the night. The happening, the honeymoon, the heartbreak.

Ever since it ended, everything Harry had ever known was cast aside, thrown out like a Gucci jumper from last season. For the first time in his twenty-six years of living, fourteen of those juggling the obstacles that relationships can and will bring, Harry was irreversibly numb, a pair of frozen, gloveless fingertips blue from the icy wind. Not only did he linger in the gut-wrenching grief, he was absorbed by it. Instead of waking up each morning tucked into the bare side of your body diffusing innocent warmth, sipping a steaming cup of black coffee received by hands much smaller than his own, he woke up with a stranger laying on his chest, cold, with a pounding headache the bottle of whiskey had gladly supplied from the night before. The days felt as if they lasted an eternity, time stuck in slow-motion, tick, tick, ticking, one second, one and a half, one and three quarters, two. He watched the seasons pass, the grass dying and regenerating into its natural emerald shade from his bedroom, dust pocketing in the corners of a picture frame containing two pairs of sparkling eyes and genuine, toothy grins sitting on the windowsill. Nights consisted of him lying sleepless on his back, eyes wide awake, thumbs twiddling as the echoes of helicopters overhead drone in and out. Dozens of missed calls remained unanswered: Mum, Gem, Mitch, Mike, Adam, Sarah, Mum, Mum, Gem, Mum, Mike, Mitch, Gem, Mitch, Mum…

He was stuck, a pancake glued to an ungreased pan, charred. It was when this melancholy had prolonged for nearly its sixth month, and all at home remedies (which included drinking, writing, drinking because he was writing, and writing because he was drinking) failed to provide any peace that he decided to give in to the recommendations from almost every single one of his friends: therapy. After the first session, he was ready to book it and sprint off to a deserted island with nothing but a coconut filled with rum to accompany his solitude. Turns out that one session was the mento to his coca cola of bottled-up emotions, exploding months’ worth of buried feelings and memories in an hour. It took the will of God (and Gemma purposefully lying and telling him they were going to get lunch) to get Harry back in the baby-pink-painted interior of his therapist’s office. After months of talking, sorting, compartmentalizing, yelling, crying, healing, unpacking, and reflecting, Harry tackled down the closure he had been chasing. A year and an album later, when he heard your name, he no longer felt trapped, heart beating rapidly, trying desperately to break apart his ribcage, he felt unchained—a prisoner uncaged, pounds and pounds of metal unlocked from his wrists, free.

Before, your name was paired with a colorless photo album, snapshots of vibrancy draining into black and white, frozen, lifeless, still.

Now, your name resembled a film reel of the best moments, your sweater hanging in his closet, your arm thrown around his mother’s shoulder in a polaroid candid, your laugh echoing in the acoustics of his shower after you nearly slipped on the lavender bubbles coating sudsy toes, your hands massaging his scalp, twisting curls into detailed plaits, your foamy lips smushing against a stubbled cheek, leaving remnants of peppermint mocha in the winter air, your satin skirt contrasting from his purple flares in his backyard, playing thumb war and whispering confessions in the moonlight. The good memories built a brick wall to block out the bad, dimming the light of your downfall.

“Have you ever been in love?” The question echoes again in Harry’s ears, causing a grin and a dimple to pop into his cheek. The fuzzies. Once, twice, three times. Click, shake, tape.

“Yeah, I have.”

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psqqa · 4 years ago

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What songs are on your yunmeng bros playlist?? (If you dont mind sharing)

being given an excuse to inflict my music taste on a halfway captive audience is literally the dream, so no, anon, i absolutely do not mind.

a not insignificant portion of this playlist is just a subset of my jiang cheng playlist. and sometimes it’s a bit less a yunmeng bros playlist and a bit more of a yunmeng sibs playlist (although not as much as i would like it to be, really).

i’m just going to forestall any attempts to find any kind of structure or meaning in the order of this list by telling you there isn’t any. this is just the order they happen to currently be in. i’m struggling more than usual to whittle this into a shape i like and a significant part of that is down to the fact that there is simply nowhere one can put a 12 minute song that doesn’t stop the playlist momentum dead in its tracks (except perhaps right at the end, but No That’s Wrong Also).

anyway, that aside, i just threw this all into spotify (minus the joanna newsom song, that is, because she continues to elect to not go there), so you can find it there if that’s your jam.

Brother Sport - Animal Collective

this is one of the songs that’s been throwing everything else off, because, unlike the rest of this sadsack list, it’s a total banger.

open up your open up your open up your throat and let time all of that time all of that time all of that time go

Futile Devices - Sufjan Stevens

at some point, hopefully, these two bozos will realize words aren’t futile devices, and that they can use them to tell each other things, things like how important they are to each other.

and i would say i love you but saying it out loud is hard so i won’t say it at all

Emily - Joanna Newsom

12 minutes and every single of them is crucial. This Is My Yunmeng Siblings Song. it doesn’t fit anywhere except in the vast space i need to be able to carry all my feelings about these three.

let us go though we know it’s a hopeless endeavour the ties that bind they are barbed and spined and hold us close forever

Start A War - The National

listen when it comes down to it, i’m a pretty literal-minded person.

you were always weird but i never had to hold you by the edges like i do now walk away now and you’re gonna start a war

Going Steady - Death From Above 1979

another piece of yanli in this one. just replace “mother” with “sister” (i’m so sorry your parents did that to you, yanli. you deserved better).

she’s going steady but we’re not ready oh to see her fall to see her fall to see her fall in love

Helena - My Chemical Romance

yeah i said what i fucking said. no one does raw like gerard way, and in this song it’s anger, and grief, and hurt, and self-loathing, and longing, and love, and self-destructiveness about it. i imagine it’s roughly the place jiang cheng is in the first few years after wei wuxian’s death. a jagged wound tearing itself open again and again.

burning on just like the match you strike to incinerate the lives of everyone you know

Black Gold - Foals

lyrics websites keep telling me it’s “your hollow heart” and not “you’re a hollow heart”. i don’t trust them, but i am notoriously terrible at hearing lyrics, so we’re at an impasse. anyway, i prefer my version, so i’m just going to ignore all that.

they gouged you out they dug you in they took the name right out of your mouth hollow heart you’re a hollow heart

Don’t Wanna Fight - Alabama Shakes

being at odds with the world is pretty exhausting. being at odds with your brother doubly so.

my line your line don’t cross them lines what you like what i like why can’t we both be right

Mykonos - Fleet Foxes

idk man a lot of 2012 tumblr jams just really work for this show.

you go wherever you go today you go today

Mine Is Yours - Cold War Kids

i think we all agree that wei wuxian could stand to be a bit less committed to this concept.

cause i don’t own the sun i don’t own the moon they only come out when they want to they don’t care whether i promised you

I Should Live In Salt - The National

Whence Comes The Playlist Title.

don’t make me read your mind you should know me better than that it takes me too much time you should know me better than that

Summer Home - Typhoon

This Is My Jiang Cheng Song (and the source of my jiang cheng playlist title). it literally never fails to fuck me up. it’s fucking me up right now just thinking about it. anyway, i hear it as “home” instead of “whole”. “whole” doesn’t necessarily take away from the line, because i think thematically it’s basically getting at the same concept, but for both personal and *motions at jiang cheng’s entire life* reasons, “home” fucks me up that much more. although really, by way of like mental furigana, it ends up being both anyway.

can we wait for the summer again can we hold out for summer again can we ever be whole again

So Here We Are - Bloc Party

speaking of the whole thematic concept of “home” fucking me up about these dudes.

i caught a glimpse but it’s been forgotten so here we are again i made a vow to carry you on home

Orange Sky - Alexi Murdoch

like i said. 2012 tumblr jams.

well i had a dream i stood beneath an orange sky with my brother and my sister standing by

Better Off Alone - Alice Deejay

okay so you know how people are like “is it even an otp if you can’t picture it as a ‘how to save a life’ fanvid?” for me it’s “is it even an otp if you can’t put alice deejay’s 1998 vocal trance masterpiece ‘better off alone’ on the playlist?” ‘otp’ is of course a misnomer. ‘interpersonal relationship of many feelings’ perhaps.

talk to me

Enchanting Ghost - Sufjan Stevens

no one does getting left behind by someone you love like ya boy suf

don’t carry on carrying efforts oh no oh oh oh somewhere there’s a room for each of us to grow and if it pleases you to leave me just go

Zephyrus - Bloc Party

okay this one is actually driving me nuts, because it’s more explicitly romantic than i would generally put on this playlist and overall i wouldn’t say it’s a great fit, but i just can’t take it off, because in the end it goes right down to root of it all and voices precisely that which jiang cheng never did:

and all you said in your quietest voice was i needed you as much as they do

#that one fanvid means 'when doves cry' is now also on this playlist #but that is someone else's galaxy brain contribution to this fandom's emotions so i haven't included it here #sound is a colour i know #the untamed #i hope you manage to glean some amount of emotion from this anon #that's what we're all here for in the end right?#that good good emotional damage #fictional sibling feelings

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reallybadfeeling · 3 years ago

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My Obikin Playlist Masterpost Part 2

Not that anybody was really waiting for this, but here is the second part of the playlist with an explanation for each song. If you are interested in reading my rant on the first 20 songs, you can check the post I made last week HERE.

Without further ado, I'll leave you to my rant for songs 21 to 40.

☙ ✤ ❧ ☙ ✤ ❧ ☙ ✤ ❧ ☙ ✤ ❧ ☙ ✤ ❧ ☙ ✤ ❧

❧ One in a Million - Midnight to Monaco

Tears fall like acid rain and it burns me through the skin It's taken everything from me, I've lost my innocence The bats brings the night today, watch them turn the sky to black Like a gun that fires that sound again Frightens me until the bitter end I can't keep holding on And I hide away I need it to keep me from breaking down And I'm under Baby I can't carry on, dead and I've been buried on Baby, I was one in a million Even if our love was strong, take me down and let it fall Baby, I was one in a million And I was holding, burning, waking, turning Tasting blood and losing time I want to get a hold of myself Baby, I was one in a million [...] And I need it to keep me from thinking I won't find my wings no more

This entire song is about how someone's life gets absolutely destroyed by drug abuse. Or at least, that's how I always interpreted this. But drug abuse always makes me think about any kind of obsessions doing exactly the same thing. So I love this song for Anakin in particular. That "I was one in a million" giving me this "Chosen One" vibe. Like he got lost on the way to what he was supposed to be, and now that he's fallen he has no clue how to get back to what he was supposed to be, that one in a million.

❣🅞🅑🅘🅚🅘🅝❣

❧ Losing My Religion - R.E.M.

The lengths that I will go to The distance in your eyes Oh no, I've said too much I set it up That's me in the corner That's me in the spotlight Losing my religion Trying to keep up with you And I don't know if I can do it Oh no, I've said too much I haven't said enough [...] Every whisper, of every waking hour I'm choosing my confessions Trying to keep an eye on you Like a hurt, lost and blinded fool, fool [...] Consider this the hint of the century Consider this the slip That brought me to my knees, failed

Another classic song that is in basically any ships' playlist. And it fits so much with unrequited love (or pining in general). How can I not think of Obi-Wan trying desperately to be a good Jedi while he's well aware of his feelings for Anakin?

❣🅞🅑🅘🅚🅘🅝❣

❧ Hurt Me - Lapsley

Can't look at you the same way, anticipatin' heartbreak And I know, and I know, and I know I'm puttin' on a brave face to meet you in the same place And I know, and I know, and I know Gotta let my mind find another space 'Cause I heard these scars never go away And now I'm runnin' out of ways to numb the pain So if you're gonna hurt Why don't you hurt me a little bit more? Just dig a little deeper Push a little harder than before [...] Like breathing underwater, what's the law and order? I don't know, I don't know, I don't know You're sitting in a corner, hiding til it's over And it shows, and it shows, and it shows Buildin' up my walls just to tear them down Tell me that it's love, force me to drown Buildin' up my walls just to tear them down Tell me that it's love And I thought you said you still loved me [...] And I'm counting down the seconds that we have I can see the end in sight, at last So if you're gonna hurt me Why don't you hurt me a little bit more?

This entire song makes me think of one of those situations where both of them are pining and convinced that the other is about to tell them something that would end up breaking their heart. Basically first half is Obi-Wan knowing from the start that they won't work, maybe because he thinks Anakin is in love with Padmé and that's what Anakin wants to talk about; second half is Anakin, sure that Obi-Wan would deny having feelings for him because of how much he loves being a Jedi so he tries to be a better Jedi for the sake of Obi-Wan. Because I love the trope of both of them being too oblivious to realize they are in love.

❣🅞🅑🅘🅚🅘🅝❣

❧ The Shelter of My Love - Astropol

When you have nothing to lose No one dear and no one to care for Non one sees you but I do I'll take you in I won't let you go Oh the middle of the night Black as tar and eager to hold you Just as pretty as my love Just as hungry Just as eternal [...] When you have no bridge to burn No place to go, no place to return to No one loves you like I do I love you [...] When you have nothing to lose And nightfall comes, eager to hold you No one loves you like I do I love you I love you, I love you Oh shelter of my faith All the peril, all the weight Mighty glorious The shelter of my faith Oh shelter of my trust All the longing, all the lust God will help you if you lost the shelter of my trust

I'm perfectly aware that this is a song about faith. It's basically like a call to pray because even when you are lost the one person that will always be there for you is God. BUT, this actually works pretty well for the Jedi Order too. And if we think of how Anakin joined the Jedi, how he felt like the only thing he would lose is his mother, it kinda makes sense with these lyrics. And even Obi-Wan: he was given to the Jedi when he was so young that that's the only life he knows. At the same time, it can be about Anakin and Obi-Wan finding that solace in each other too, because sure, the entire Order is there to support them. But it's almost like it's their last option to them, because when in need the first person they go to is the other.

❣🅞🅑🅘🅚🅘🅝❣

❧ The Night We Met - Lord Huron

I am not the only traveler Who has not repaid his debt I've been searching for a trail to follow again Take me back to the night we met And then I can tell myself What the hell I'm supposed to do And then I can tell myself Not to ride along with you I had all and then most of you Some and now none of you Take me back to the night we met I don't know what I'm supposed to do Haunted by the ghost of you Oh, take me back to the night we met When the night was full of terrors And your eyes were filled with tears When you had not touched me yet Oh, take me back to the night we met

You should know me by now. If a song that is basically perfect for Obi-Wan post RotS, I'm gonna find it. And this one is just PERFECT! Like, Obi-Wan absolutely feels like he owes something to the universe because he is the one who failed Anakin, who allowed him to fall. So I imagine him wanting a do-over, a chance to stay away from Anakin so that Anakin can be better and his own heart can't be broken in such a terrible way. Basically, this is also perfect for a time traveler Obi-Wan trying to fix things from day 1.

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❧ Danger - JKAY feat Shola Ama

I'm a million reasons in And I'm going out on a limb But I can't, no I can't deny Cause I, I fell in love with danger And I think I found a stranger in you The boy that I knew, left me torn into two And I don't know what to do

Nothing fancy about this one, just Obi-Wan realizing there is a wild side to the cute, totally unable to flirt young teenager he took care of for so long. Basically something to write smut on. You all know you need these kind of songs too. (And I picked the acoustic version because it gives me more soft love-making vibes, but the original one is perfect for a more passionate kind of mood).

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❧ Amandoti - Giovanni Lindo Ferretti

Loving you makes me weary, guts my insides (It’s) Something that feels like laughing in tears Loving you makes me weary, it makes me sorrowful What can you do (about it), that’s life That’s life, my (life) [...] Loving you comforts my sleepless nights It’s something that replaces old dead flames Loving you comforts me, it gives me joy What can you do (about it), that’s life But (that) life is my life Love me once more, do it softly One year, one month, one hour (Do it) Hopelessly Love me once more, do it softly Just for an hour But let it be forever

I was forced to put the live version from the original composer in the playlist, but a couple of weeks ago I posted a link to Maneskin's cover of this song (which, isn't on Spotify). You can check it out HERE, with a full translation of the lyrics (yes, Italian songs will always be a thing for this playlist, get over it). Like I said in the tags of that post, this is just another one of those songs that give me post RotS Obi-Wan feels. Just him all alone and heartbroken wishing he could feel Anakin's love just once more. Simply perfection.

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❧ Lemon Eyes - Meg Myers

Hush now baby, there's no need to cry Let me wipe away those lemon eyes All your worries, such a waste of time You can't even see how much you're mine You're so bitter, bitter, bitter, yellow Settle, settle, got to settle down, okay Listen, listen, you listen, yellow It's a killer, a killer, a killer jealousy Lemon eyes, you're mine Yellow eyes, all mine I bet you wanna walk away, run away, look away, turn away Honey you can't hide Lemon eyes, all mine

Do I even have to explain this? It's basically perfect for all of Anakin's issues with jealousy, but with what yellow eyes mean in this fandom it could absolutely be about Sith!Anakin. It's just such a fitting song for these two, with Obi-Wan trying to reason with a very unreasonable Anakin... (And I might have anonymously suggested to someone to listen to it as a good song for their fic. *coff coff* @tennessoui *coff coff*)

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❧ 10 Years - Daði Freyr

We've been together for a decade now Still everyday I'm lovin' you more If I could do it all again I'd probably do it all the same as before I don't wanna know what would've happened If I never had had your love I didn't became myself before I met you I don't wanna know what would've happened If I never had felt you love Everything about you, I like We started out so fast Now we can take it slower Love takes some time Takes a little time, so take a litte time As it ages like wine [...] And just when I thought that my heart was full I found place that I never explored You're so fascinating And I can't remember the last time I was bored [...] How does it keep getting better? Everyday our love finds a new way to grow The time we spend together Simply feels good We got a good thing going

How could I not put this song in this playlist? Like, it can literally be about how in the many years together, their love for each other grew and grew, and changed to get better with time. But it can also be just Anakin and Obi-Wan in an established relationship, since this is technically a song about a ten years anniversary. I just LOVE IT. It's super sweet and we all need fluff sometimes.

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❧ Different Kind Of Love - Kid Runner

It was always you there Dancing towards me Grabbing both my hands like Here we go, here we go again Maybe it was destiny We were so familiar But you caught me staring And I don't know, I don't know, I guess [...] And when you're near me I can't help but be under your spell Can I make you believe you're the only one I need? [...] It must've been something A switch in my brain It kept me in motion It drove me insane It must've been something Something you said You're pulling me under Holding me close Inside my head Oh, it's a different kind of love And when I see your face I know, I know You got me going Oh, and this could be enough I'm dreaming wide awake I know, I know

Classic friends to lovers AU song that works wonders with Anakin's kind of love, all obsessive and stuff. Definitely can picture teen Anakin pining over Obi-Wan to the tune of this, all awkward boners at absolutely inappropriate times and Obi-Wan never truly pointing it out, because he doesn't want to make Anakin even more uncomfortable.

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❧ Ruthless - GIRLI

Home? What's that? I got a doll's house with a few cracks Grew too tall, now I'm poking out the attic My feet are in the basement 'cause I never wanna hack it Life, what's that? Life, what's that? [...] Take my soul, Take me down Take me back to the beginning of this when I was still innocent Me, sorry who? I'm a kid in a grown-up suit Looking in the mirror tryna figure out who's Banging on the glass 'cause they're tryna break through Is it me? Is it you? Think it's me, wish I knew Take me, use me, screw me over Play me like I like losing Trip me, trick me, drug me Say you love me but you like cheating You're the only one to blame You made me this way Guess that's why I'm so damn Ruthless You made me, you made me You made me ruthless You made me, you made me You made me ruthless Only way to do it When you break me and I lose it Oh, you made me You made me so damn fucking ruthless [...] Yeah it's tragic All the bad bits Made me so damn ruthless No, it's not me I don't wanna be Ruthless

Being a woman, I know perfectly that this song is about how sometimes women have to grow up to be mean because of all of the abuse they go throw in their life. But I kind of see Anakin as this person that would absolutely blame everyone else for his fall to the Dark Side and this works so well! Like, the doll house is a metaphor for how the Jedi Order was supposed to be his home, but in the end he felt like he was used, like the Jedi told him they loved him just to trick him into doing whatever they wanted, basically cheating him of a simpler life with his mom. And even the looking in the mirror thing could be when he's already in the Vader suit and he doesn't know if Vader is what he was supposed to be all along or somewhere inside him there's this young innocent child trying to get out. What can I say, most of the times I have Obi-Wan feelings. But every once in a while I find something twisted enough to give me Anakin/Vader feelings too.

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❧ All or Nothing - Wild Youth

I remember when we were younger We used to stay up late We used to watch the sun go down, the sun go down Yeah at night I, I think about ya How I spent so long living without ya You're all I need, the air I breathe So hold tight, I'm coming 'Cause it's all or nothing I'm a million miles away and I feel so low I've been driving all night just to get back home to you To you See the sunrise, it's a classi break Driving down roads that I used to take with you With you Every streetlight, new horizon Start to wonder if you realise Oh, we were vain, was more than friends So hold tight, I'm coming 'Cause it's all or nothing

Okay, this is kind of perfect for a very specific kind of AU. Like, the "they used to be childhood friends, then got separated by life, but they were always meant for each other, so after meeting once by chance after years separated, they can't go back to their life, they have to stay with the other" kind of specific AU. The song might work with how the Clone Wars kept them separate too, but... yeah. It's kinda specific. Sorry not sorry.

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❧ Someone Like You - Noah Kahan feat. Joy Oladokun

Guess I'm a mess now Lost with my head down I haven't heard from you in weeks You must have left town I can't go back now And all that I have now Are those feelings I felt Knowing that no one else can bring them back out And I've been trying to find a silver lining But I can't But I can't Now that I can't hold you I wish that I had tried to Do more not to lose you Now that I can't find you Because the second you left, yeah the voice in my head screamed "What did I do?" Now you're gone and all I want is someone like you

Once again, ignoring that this is a song about a couple breaking up after one of the two cheated because this is also perfect for Anakin confessing his love for Obi-Wan as soon as he's a Knight. He was sure that would make Obi-Wan accept his love and try to get in a relationship, instead Obi-Wan panicked and asked to get sent as far away from Anakin as he could. So of course Anakin is filled with regret about his confession.

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❧ Big Boy - Charlotte Cardin

Maybe if I spell it out Big boy will take me on proper You nailed my heart to your wall You never dusted off after [...] Maybe if I'm a broken wing Big boy in my nest You nailed my heart to your wall And disposed of the rest of me With your push and shove Like what's love ain't love But it's love to me My boy is not a man yet My boy is not a man yet But boy do I love it when you kiss my neck Oh boy last night was perfect You're changing my mind Like what's mine ain't mine Be mine to be Maybe if we try again Big boy we could have it my way You nailed my heart to your wall But it was damaged anyways

Another song to write smut to, but smut with feels. Mainly Obi-Wan's, that maybe feels like Anakin played with him just so that they could sleep together, but never actually tried to put a pin on what their relationship is supposed to be after. And Obi-Wan realizes that part of the reason is that Anakin is still so young and maybe he's the one that made a mistake. Like, he's not even sure that what he feels is real, but he still keeps following what Anakin wants because what is the alternative after all?

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❧ Home with You - Marie Dahlstrom

Happy to be home with you Happy to wake up with you Even after all that you've benne through Happy that you feel the same Hope that I can ease the pain Happy to come by 'Cause you just give me life And I love spending time with you It's easy when I want you like that I don't regret it even if you might think That I've got Plenty other reasons in my head Plenty other questions still unsaid Nobody knows where you'll go but I'm here [...] I don't understand it all Still I will accept your flaws Just the way that you're accepting mine No, I'm not really one to judge We can laugh it off because It's just one life for you and I and I know [...] Feels so good when it's You by my side I could just stay all night I could just stay all night I love the things you do Nobody knows where we'll go but I'm here Baby, whenever you need me Baby come over, baby come over Whenever you need I will always be by your side

This song can honestly fit multiple things. It can absolutely be Obi-Wan accepting that Anakin reaches out for him only in certain situations and him always being open to it, no matter how their relationship isn't really the traditional kind of relationship (like, a friends with benefits kind of deal). But it can also be Obi-Wan and Anakin getting together when Anakin is already Vader, so Obi-Wan is slowly falling to the Dark Side too. You can also just use this as another song to write soft love making too since it's so slow and soft. Or just do whatever you want with it.

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❧ Hands Tied - Beatrich

You got me home sick for your arms The arms that keep me close But you just slip though my fingers Like I'm tryna catch a ghost I'd travel to the moon and back For you and all that you could say is That you didn't ask for that You'd never ask I'd travel to the moon and back For you and all that you could say is That you didn't ask for that You'd never And you stand there Looking at me with my hands tied And how foolish Foolish of me to let this one slide I'm terrified The roots are way too deep And there is no way out You just stand there Looking at me with my hands tied

Huge vibes of Anakin being mad in love with Obi-Wan, and Obi-Wan pushing him away because he sees Anakin as a brother, not as a lover. And there's all kind of pining from Anakin because of the unrequited love and he tries to do crazy stuff for Obi-Wan hoping he will fall in love with him but it fails... Yeah, that's the angst that hurts in the best way! (But, you know, can totally be reversed to Obi-Wan in love with Anakin in a canon scenario with Anakin married to Padmé.)

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❧ Same Bed - Lola Young

I'm too quick to judge, too fast to fuck If we're lonely and I'm No good in love, 'cause the last time I ended up a little dead inside Sorry I lied, I do not want you, no Sorry my pride's a little too high To let you know I cried when you said you had to go, baby [...] (whispered) Fuck then, don't do this to me now Don't say my name when you're talking to me Don't say we're on the same page Don't look away when you walk into me I like the pain, I like the pain I'm making it hard for you to move on And be lonely 'cause I'm So good with words that the last time I broke his heart [...] I got a bit drunk yesterday evening and I Told you some things I didn't mean, oh did I? Hate it, I hate it when I get complacent I love it when you pull that face and we make mistakes Utterly wasted And wake up in the same bed In the same t-shirt I told you I loved you in The same regrets Like wearing the t-shirt I told you I love you in [...] I only like you when you're naked At least, that's what I proved to myself Can't make a fool of myself, baby God, it's so frustrating, making such a fool of myself Gotta make do with myself, baby I only like you when you're naked At least, that's what I proved to myself You make a fool of myself, baby Let's overcomplicate it, maybe just lose ourselves

Back with the complicated relationship and the angst. Can see this in a canon compliant AU with both Anakin and Obi-Wan not really wanting to admit they are in love with each other, but somehow they always end up sleeping together, and telling the other how much they love them just to regret all of it the day after. Basically making things complicated for no reason other than Obi-Wan not wanting to break the rules/his belief that he's meant for infinite sadness, but also because Anakin can't give up on this twisted love despite how much it hurts him and being petty in trying to make Obi-Wan suffer just as much.

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❧ Ghost - Harper

Not putting lyrics here because this entire song gives me Obi-Wan on Tatooine post-RotS vibes. Like, he's literally on the planet Anakin came from, there to protect Anakin's kids. OF COURSE he sees Anakin's "ghost". Like, he sees so much of Anakin in Luke when he grows up. And it feels kind of fitting as a punishment for Obi-Wan to be slowly going crazy because he keeps being haunted by this image of Anakin around him. Literally this line: "why you gotta make me weak to make me stronger". That's Obi-Wan trying to get over this love for Anakin and realizing that he has to mourn and suffer before he becomes stronger and able to get free from this ghost's hold. (But, you know, Anakin's ghost might even be actually Anakin, in a scenario where Anakin is actually trapped inside of Vader and trying to get free by reaching out to Obi-Wan for help.)

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❧ Qualcosa di Grande - Cesare Cremonini

What happened, you changed You are not the same Or are you still the one That grew up with me What happened, you ran away And with you so did my life I searched for it, I searched for it But I found it only in you There's something important between us That you can never change Not even if you want to But there's something important between us That you can never forget Not even if you want to What happened, you fell You fell too low and now you try to climb back up But it's a struggle you don't want [...] What happened, your light Your light is obscured By someone that I know And that took you away from me What happened, your star Your star eclipsed And now (I dare you to) shine from the darkness without me

Yet another song that gives me RotS feels. It's obviously a break up song, a song about regrets and struggling to move on. So of course in it I see Anakin falling to the Dark Side and Obi-Wan trying to remind him of what is between the two of them so that Anakin comes back to him. (If you want to read the complete translation, you can check it out here.)

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❧ Dark Side - Phoebe Ryan

At your worst, you're the best Baby I don't want another version, no Hard to love, hard to trust But don't change Don't be a better person for me 'Cuz I'm in love with your dark side I'm in love with your dark side So don't turn on the light [...] Even if it hurts, I want you heart Even at your worst, I love you hard If you wanna keep me, go too far

Another song that is more of a both!Sith AU but also something Vaderwan would work honestly. I like the twisted nature of this kind of love so much in fics. Can absolutely works with any version of Anakin or/and Obi-Wan being the bad guy in the story.

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All done! All 20 new songs I added to the original playlist explained away. Like last time, I hope you find any of this entertaining or useful. If any of this inspires your creativity, don't be shy and tag me on your stuff. I'll gladly read it/watch it/enjoy it.

#obikin #obikin playlist #obi wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #if you use any of these please tag me #i wanna see all of the content!#feel free to suggest songs if you want #i'm always happy to listen to something new #and my ask box is always open #i'm getting more and more specific because i think every au needs its own song #so yeah #there are a bunch of songs that work for specific AUs #but i'm sure out there a writer is waiting for that specific song to get out of a writer's block while writing their fic #and i wanna help them finish their fics!#also my brain sees obikin everywhere so of course i have to make you part of this disease of mine #i'll probably post part 3 next week because I have more songs to add to this playlist #finger crossed that my migraine decides to chill for a while so i can write the next post #Spotify

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ayo-cowbelly · 4 years ago

Text

The Things We Do For Love ~ Part Two

previous part ~ next part ~ masterlist

FIRST OF ALL: I’d recommend listening to music during this one. Here are my choices, but it’s not required (don’t have to listen to all of them):

my tears ricochet by Taylor Swift. Found here.

Ghost of You by 5SOS. here is the link.

Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down) by Nancy Sinatra. Can be found here.

Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi, found here.

All songs available on iTunes and I think Spotify as well.

Oh, by the way: completely made up the story of Aayla getting her kyber crystal. There wasn’t a canonical one i could find in a quick google search (yes, i know, didn’t put in much effort searching for it, sue me) so i decided to make up my own for the plot™.

I cried writing this, people. There are tears falling. Not joking. This cuts DEEP. I promised angst™ and I am following through *cackles in palpatine*. this is meant to hurt, and oh boy, it definitely hurts.

So… have fun lovelies.

***

Cody was very, very grateful his Jedi survived.

Most, like Bly, were not so lucky.

***

Bly had mixed feelings about Felucia.

First of all, it was hot. And humid. And smelly (even with his helmet on). That combination, plus having to fight all day on top of that, did not put Felucia on the list of Bly’s preferred planets.

Though�� there was a slight upside.

He liked to look at the plants. They were bizarre, sure, but the colors. Bly always had an appreciation for color. Growing up on Kamino, where everything was sterile and white and cold... the first time Bly left that planet and saw Coruscant, he was astounded at how bright and warm different shades could be.

And then he saw Aayla, and she gave a whole new meaning to the color blue.

Aayla was warm, but professional; spirited, but calm. And positively beautiful.

He had practically fallen head over heels the first time they talked (even though he had no idea what to call this sudden, powerful feeling in him). His brothers, of course, took it upon themselves to tease him mercilessly; but what they didn’t know was a tidbit of information that always took Bly by surprise, no matter how many times he heard it.

She felt the same way.

***

It started about 3 months after the crash on Maridun, when even though nothing had happened yet, it was apparently painfully obvious there was something there. Rex had noticed, at least, and decided to tell Bly’s batchmates when they saw each other at 79’s.

Bly just couldn’t catch a break.

But then, when their battalion had been stationed on Ilum (due to rumors of the droids targeting the caves where Jedi got their kyber crystals) and him and Aayla had stayed up late, sitting on either side of a small fire, and Aayla told the tale of how she got her crystal.

“It’s called The Gathering. We are told it is when we truly begin our paths as Jedi. I was freezing, and nervous that somehow I’d mess it up. Ironic, considering what the lesson is about; getting over our personal fears. I was worried that I wouldn’t make it in time- we are given only a few hours, and when daylight ends, the door to the crystal cave freezes over again. If someone was trapped inside, they’d be stuck in there for 19 days, until the sun rises again.

“Along with Master Yoda, six of us were sent off to this very planet, and there is no place more sacred to our Order. This is where we locate the heart of our lightsabers.”

“How do you get the crystal, exactly?” Bly had asked, genuinely interested.

Aayla smiled fondly, reminiscing. “Some might say our crystals are sentient, in a way. They call out to us in the caves. Only we know which one is ours. There is a powerful convergence in the Force there, causing it to be intensified. It exploits the insecurities of a person, exposing our weaknesses. If we successfully overcome these shortcomings, then we obtain our crystal.”

“What happens if you don’t pass the test?”

“It is said that fear, self-doubt, they consume you. This can prevent someone from finding their crystal.”

“That sounds like a very… taxing experience, to say the least, General.” Bly looked at her then, and saw her laugh slightly, and his heart stuttered. That unknown feeling rose up in him again, until he tamped it down.

“It is, but a good one all the same.”

He smiled at her. “So, how did your test go?”

“Like I said, I was nervous-”

“Since when are you nervous about anything, General?”

“Call me Aayla, please, Bly, it’s just the two of us,” the way she smiled at him then… it made his heart swim. “And I tell you, I was terrified. I hoped it’d be easy, and figured if I just ran ahead I’d find it soon enough. And of course, that didn’t happen.”

Aayla jogged through the labyrinth, careful not to slip. The icy atmosphere of the cave overtook her, and she felt like she would freeze. At least running kept her somewhat warm.

She had ended up on her own a while ago, wanting to take control of this experience and just get the crystal on her own. Aayla wanted it to be over. It was too cold, and she didn’t want to fail and be trapped. Get in, get the crystal, get out, she told herself.

Her instincts told her to make a right turn, and she came upon a small gap in the ice at the end, just big enough for her to get through. She debated whether or not she should enter, but the Force seemed to sing around her when she neared it.

She squeezed through the opening, and on the other side, there was a small clearing. In the middle, a mound of ice rose from the floor, about up to her hips. Something glowed at the top, and the Force got louder, more insistent. It must be her crystal.

When she went to grab it, the crystal remained stuck within the ice. As she pulled, it stayed firmly in place.

When she tried to pull on the crystal with the Force, it only seemed to sink deeper into the ice, somehow. How was she to get the crystal if it wouldn’t move when she wanted it to?

What if it doesn’t come out? Aayla asked herself. She had been in the crystal cave for a good amount of time, and she didn’t have forever. Her time would be up soon.

Rolling on her heels, she looked back at the gap that would lead her back to the main part of the maze. She grew more and more upset, her stomach churning. The stupid ice wouldn’t budge! The door would be closed soon, and she’d be trapped, and she’d fail-

No. Aayla had to trust in the Force. There must be a way to obtain the crystal, of this she was positive. She just had to figure out how. She’d have to calm herself to think clearly.

Easier said than done.

Taking deep breaths, Aayla reached out into the Force. If a part of her doubted this being her kyber crystal before, it didn’t now. The Force felt like it was smiling around her, somehow. Despite the cold of the cave, she felt warm. A thin thread existed between her and the crystal, and the Force trilled in her ear when she felt it.

She closed her eyes. The Force would guide her.

The warm feeling seemed to grow, washing through her and swirling around her in the air. Aayla’s lips turned up slightly, and she felt the brightness of the Force around her.

There was a vague cracking sound, and she heard whistling fill the room. Slowly opening her eyes, Aayla was blown away at the sight in front of her.

She watched, transfixed, as the crystal glowed brighter and brighter. The ice had broken, the pieces floating in the air. The kyber crystal levitated, an alluring blue shade.

Aayla approached and grabbed the crystal, smiling giddily. She had done it.

She squeezed back through the gap and walked calmly (well, more like speed walked, but she did it calmly) and exited the cave.

“That was the first time I realized that sometimes you have to give up control to think clearly. Stressing will not achieve anything. Trusting in others, in the Force, having faith that they will guide you; that is how we can move forward.”

“So, the Force guides you? It tells you things you need to know?”

“In a way. It’s like… a feeling. Not something tangible, really, but a sort of presence that leads you where you need to go. It’s hard to get a clear answer, most of the time.”

Bly wondered... “Can it do the same for people?”

“Yes, sometimes,” She looked up at him, with something in her eyes that he couldn’t place, but took his breath away all the same.

“And… what does it say about me?” He asked, quietly, not wanting to ruin this moment.

“Like I said, it’s hard to get a clear answer from the Force,” Aayla moved to sit by him, a soft expression on her face. She looked into his eyes, closer to him than she had ever been… if she moved a fraction, then…

“But with you, it’s never felt more right.” She placed her lips on his, and the feeling in his chest finally had a name.

Love.

***

They trekked through Felucia, Aayla in front, as always. She was used to it, now, after three years in this war.

At first, it had been stressful, which was to be expected. She didn’t know how to lead a whole battalion, how to fight a war, how to deal with the trauma said war brought. However, she always had Bly.

Aayla loved him fiercely, and made sure to tell him whenever she could. He was brave, and dedicated, and strong, and she was eternally thankful for him. For the joy he brought her.

And soon, in a few months, there’d be one more person they’d care for just as much. She had known for about a month. And Bly, knowing her so well after all this time, had suspected something was up. When she told him, she had never seen someone smile so wide. The pure happiness he projected into the Force was something she had only ever felt with him.

Thankfully, she wasn’t showing yet, meaning she still had time to figure out a long term plan. Of course, there had been some rumors that the war would be over soon, which hopefully were true. Aayla and Bly had decided that they’d leave together, go somewhere peaceful, where they could simply live. Just her, him, and their child.

Aayla paused, sensing something… off filling the Force. Suddenly, she couldn’t sense her Commander, his presence different, like everything that made him Bly was gone.

“Do you think it’s droids, Bly?” She asked tentatively, knowing that wasn’t the answer, but it was the only thing she could think of.

“No.”

The voice that answered her was not Bly. It was not the voice of the man she loved, of her riduur. It was a stranger, both in person and in the Force.

Aayla glanced around, seeing her troopers circling her. Confusion, uncertainty, fear... (something she had never felt around her men- something she never should have known around them, around him) they raced through her. She looked to Bly, as she always did, and back to the men…

And then pain, hurt, betrayal, both hers and the Force’s, they consumed her. Her last thoughts were of Bly, of their child.

Aayla knew she would die, as her troopers shot her continuously. She apologized to her unborn baby, who, in another life, she would have given all her love to.

As she already did for him.

***

When Bly came to (not came to, as that would imply he was unconscious, and he most definitely was not) he was met with his worst nightmare.

Aayla’s body, limp on the ground, her back covered in blaster wounds. The vibrant blue skin was barely visible, covered in smoking, gray holes-

He had put them there.

No.

He- he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t. Never.

But he already had. He had seen it. Watched it.

It was like Bly was trapped in a cell, unable to escape. CC-5052 had taken over his body, casting him aside. He heard her voice, but he couldn’t make out what she said. Though it was laced with… fear. That much he could understand.

Run, Aayla, Please, he shouted, though nothing came out. Run, and don’t look back. But she didn’t run.

The only sound that escaped him was a voice that wasn’t his own, saying just one word, the last word she’d ever hear from him-

He watched from inside his mind as he (but not him, he would never, please, please no, AAYLA-) raised his weapon and fired.

In his head, he pounded on the cell and screamed.

***

Bly watched from the side as two troopers covered Aayla’s body with a blanket. None of them could stand to look at her, at what they’d done, but they couldn’t leave her. She’d never leave them if their roles were flipped.

Except they weren’t flipped. She would never kill them, let alone hurt them, and she had trusted them not to-

Dark thoughts filled his head. But he didn’t have the strength to push them away. They were true, after all.

He killed her. And their child. The two things he loved most in this galaxy were destroyed by his own hands.

And any future he had dreamt of went with them.

***

The 327th stayed on Felucia for that night and the next, trying to figure out what they were to do. The holonet said the war was over, that the Separatists were no more, that the Republic was an Empire now… and the Jedi were traitors.

But they weren’t. They were protectors. They protected the Republic, protected their troops- who had been the ones to shoot them down-

The men were also trying to give Bly some space before bringing up any future plans. They had all known that something was going on between him and the General. It was they way they looked at each other; even the newest shiny could see the thinly veiled love in their eyes. Nobody ever mentioned it, out of respect, but they knew-

And if anyone didn’t, they figured it out at seeing his reaction to her body.

Bly collapsed on his knees next to her, ripping his helmet off, mumbling incoherently. All the other men could hear clearly was her name, over and over.

He pulled her close, turning her over, running his hands over her face and body, tears spilling down his face as he held his riduur.

“Aayla- no- please-” His voice cracked, his body shuddering.

The others walked over, some putting their hands on his shoulders, some kneeling close by, others bowing their heads as their Commander- no, their brother- shattered.

Nu kyr'adyc, shi taab'echaaj'la.

Not gone, merely marching far away.

***

I’m sorry.

Also, this story will actually have five parts. So… stay tuned! If you want to be added to the taglist, let me know.

Taglist:

@likeshootingstarsinthenightsky (you are amazing!! your comments give me life)

@cacodaemonia (again, tumblr won’t let me tag you, I don’t know why but your blog won’t show up when i try to tag, very sorry)

49 notes · View notes

psychospeak-blog · 5 years ago

Text

Won’t Go Slowly // 66

A/N: Unbetaed because it’s been wayyy too long and I just wanted to get this up for you guys as soon as possible!

One // Two // Three // Four // Five // Six // Seven // Eight // Nine // Ten // Eleven // Twelve // Thirteen // Fourteen // Fifteen // Sixteen // Seventeen // Eighteen // Nineteen// Twenty // Twenty One // Twenty Two // Twenty Three // Twenty Four// Twenty Five // Twenty Six // Twenty Seven // Twenty Eight // Twenty Nine // Thirty // Thirty One // Thirty Two // Thirty Three // Thirty Four// Thirty Five // Thirty Six // Thirty Seven // Thirty Eight // Thirty Nine // Forty // Forty One // Forty Two // Forty Three // Forty Four // Forty Five // Forty Six // Forty Seven // Forty Eight // Forty Nine // Fifty // Fifty One // Fifty Two // Fifty Three // Fifty Four // Fifty Five // Fifty Six // Fifty Seven // Fifty Eight // Fifty Nine // Sixty// Sixty One // Sixty Two // Sixty Three

Sixty Four

It felt surreal.

Like when you'd first seen that positive sign, and you had to constantly remind yourself that you were growing a life inside you, the thought bringing a smile to your face every time.

You were moving in with Tyler.

You honestly didn't even talk too much on the short drive back to where you were staying, the music on low in the background, while you looked at the mountain scenery that had made you so calm.

When you got there, though, Tyler came around to your side before you could go to get Bentley out, and you thought he was going to offer to carry him again, but inside he held easily onto your wrist, fingers dropping to tangle in yours, moving you against the car, kissing you long, and slow, and deep, and full of love, lips smiling against yours. His hand moved to cup your hip and then he leaned in, resting his head against yours, not kissing your cheek like you thought he might.

"What are you doing?" you laughed.

"Seeing if we're being spied on," you felt him speak, against you, turning your head to see him peering in the window of the back seat.

"Is he watching?"

"Nah," Tyler said, shaking his head, his hand moving to the back of your head this time, kissing you more chastely. "He's still snoozing."

"Yeah," you said, still looking up at Tyler, your hand on his shirt, and he pursed his lips, raising his eyebrows at you. "I love you," you said simply.

"I love you," he said, kissing you once more, leaving his hands on your face this time. "And as much as I'd love to stay out here in the driveway with you forever, we should probably grab the little guy."

"Oh, yeah," you laughed, Tyler pulling at the door handle and then backing up so you could turn around.

"You got him?"

"Yeah, if you can start grabbing the groceries?" you asked, reaching to grab the car seat and pull it out, hearing Tyler open up the trunk. When you turned with the baby carrier, he was standing there with both of his hands loaded with grocery bags, to the point where you were certain he would be losing circulation in his hands.

"Can I get the groceries," he scoffed, turning around in a circle with his arms extended, and you bit your lip to try not to laugh, especially when he nearly tripped over his own flip flop.

"You look pretty proud of yourself."

"Aren't you impressed with how strong I am?" he asked, sticking his tongue out at you a little.

"I mean, I think he's heavier, but sure," you said, which caused Tyler to burst out laughing.

"You're not wrong," he said, "he's getting chunky."

"I know," you said, looking at the cheeks which seemed to be chubbier every day, frowning at Tyler doing some weird movement, like he was trying to get his chin and knee to touch.

"What are you doing?" You laughed.

"The keys are in my pocket," he explained, and you laughed at him even more.

"And you're gonna try and get them out with your leg?"

"Would you shut up and help me?" he laughed, and you laughed too, swinging the car seat out of the way and digging into Tyler's pocket.

"Getting handsy?" Tyler asked, his eyebrow raised and a cocky look on his face, and you swatted at his leg, the keys hanging free in your hand.

"I'm starting to think that you just put stuff in your pockets for when you can't use your hand just to make me touch you," you said, turning to walk towards the front door with your keys in hand.

"Nah, I don't need tricks to get you to touch me," Tyler said, and you were unable to think of a quick comeback before you opened the door, bombarded with sniffing noses and wagging tails.

"Hey, guys," you said softly, smiling when they sniffed at the baby carrier. "He's sleeping right now, I'm gonna go put him down, you can see him later, okay?"

You moved through the house, going to set him down on top of the dining room table, snickering when Gerry jumped up to catch a better look, his nose lunging towards the sleeping baby., and you smiled, petting him on the head and he jumped down, following you to where Tyler was heaving the grocery bags onto the counter. You immediately went over, starting to unpack the bags, wanting to get as much prep as possible done before Bentley woke up.

"Hang on," Tyler said, gripping your wrist, and pulling you back, "If we're gonna cook, we gotta do this right."

You frowned at him, until he reached around you, pulling out the half fill bottle of wine and tilting it towards you and you laughed, pulling open the dishwasher to grab two wine glasses, setting them on the counter, letting Tyler pour you a glass while you grabbed your phone, connecting it to the bluetooth speakers and making sure the volume wasn't on too high before you pressed play on one of your easy listening mixes, humming before you took a grateful sip of your wine.

"Oh, look who's into the country now, eh?" Tyler said, his hand on your hip, while you were standing on your tiptoes, trying to grab a baking sheet in the top shelf. "Jump, jump," he teased, grabbing it for you anyways, and you laughed, taking it from his hands.

"This is from you using my Spotify," you said, spreading out a layer of parchment paper on the sheet.

"Well, I don't want to listen to ads," Tyler said, scrunching up his nose.

"Whatever," you laughed, like he couldn't afford it.

"Boyfriends and girlfriends share," he said, settling in next to you, while you let him know that he could cut up the eggplant and pita bread, and spread some olive oil onto it for the appetizer, while you got started on prepping the main part of the meal.

"Which would be fine if you hadn't been using it for years," you said.

"I did no such thing," Tyler said, like he was appalled that you would even suggest that he would.

"Tyler," you said firmly, "I was running on the damn treadmill in Toronto in the dead of winter, listening to my music, and all of a sudden the worst rap comes on. The worst."

Tyler was already cracking up but you continued because you'd really never had a chance to get upset with him. "Then I keep switching it back to my playlist, it's fine for, like 4 strides, then I've got some stupid pop music in my ears."

Tyler's giggles were only confirming for you what you already knew though: that he had been purposefully messing with you, even when you weren't in the same country.

"Well, you shouldn't make your passwords so easy to guess then," he said, bumping you, again quite purposefully, even as he worked.

"It's my damn locker combination from high school, who remembers that?"

"I do," Tyler said, mining like he was undoing a lock, "and apparently you do, too."

"Yeah, well, I'm--"

"A giant nerd?" Tyler asked. "Yeah, I know."

"I was gonna say I'm more likely to remember it because it was my combination, but whatever."

"You make it sound like you don't remember all my passwords and shit," he said, sliding around you to grab something.

"Well, you shouldn't make them so easy to guess," you said his words back to him, and he raised his eyebrows, you humming along to the music "You take the breath out of my lungs

Can't even fight it

And all of the words out of my mouth without even trying" while trying not to laugh at the way that Tyler was enthusiastically using the BBQ brush you'd given him to brush olive oil onto the pita bread and eggplant like he was painting a masterpiece.

"This one's you," Tyler said, when Drake came on, looking at you so you could sing together, "He only loves his crib and his mom, he's sorry."

"He's loving that car seat right now though," you said, actually surprised that he was still sleeping peacefully, his head just slightly tilted off to one side, completely unaware of the activity going on around him.

"Your kid would sleep through Drake," Tyler said, although it turned out he was also able to sleep through you and Tyler singing "I want you all to myself

We don't need anyone else", laughing when Gerry jumped up, you catching his paws like you were dancing with him, feeling wonderfully light and airy, and you couldn't help but think about how many kitchen dance parties were in your future.

Really, your kitchen at home was too small for anyone but you to jam out.

The song changed then, though, while you and Tyler were moving around each other like you'd been cooking in this kitchen together your whole life, and, with it, the mood in the room changed, too, your eyes finding Tyler's, soft towards yours. And then you were squealing a little surprised when he pulled you toward him, not to spin you like he had before, but straight into his arms, your hands travelling to rest on his shoulders while he settled his hands on your lower back, beginning to sway back and forth. You didn't know the song, but you were listening to the words, Tyler's voice singing low in your ear, causing a tingle of warmth to spread up your spine. "Cause, I don't know how, I don't know how heaven, heaven

Could be better than this"

You hummed against him, the soft cotton of his t-shirt against your face, almost feeling like you could hear his heartbeat.

"I don't think we've ever done this before,'" he said, his hand moving into yours, pulling back to look at you .

"No?" You asked, looking up at him with surprise recalling how many weddings and, hell, high school dances you've been at together.

Tyler shook his head slowly, his hand still in yours, barely even moving as you danced. "Pretty sure someone always had a date."

"You," you said, and Tyler laughed.

"Pretty sure my sister or some friend I brought that happened to be a girl wouldn't mind if you cut in," he said, and all of a sudden you had a sudden vision of you dancing with your ex while Tyler sat at a table by himself, and your heart hurt a bit. But it had never really been like that. "I almost asked you once, when Daniel was running late at work but he showed up, so..."

You looked at the way that Tyler shrugged casually, like it was no big deal at all.

"He wouldn't have minded," you said, honestly, because things were so different then: Tyler was never a threat, he was just someone that was always just there for you.

"Well, I mind, I'm awful at slow dancing, it doesn't suit my moves," he said, and you laughed under your breath. "I was glad he showed up, I was only offering because I know how you get at weddings."

"You're not a bad slow dancer," you said.

"I'm terrible," he murmured. "It's only good because it's you."

I swear, this is perfect

Come kiss me one more time

Tyler's eyebrows raised expectantly and you smiled, sliding your hand up his back to the base of his neck, stretching up to kiss him, and then pulling away, smiling at each other before going back in for more, ready to settle into a deeper kiss. And yet right when your lips were ghosting over each other's, you heard Bentley start to make little grumpy noises, laughing out a huff while Tyler sighed, resting his forehead against yours.

"Way to ruin the moment, bud," Tyler said, releasing you , yet sneaking in a quick peck before you turned in the direction of the now crying baby, where you made quick work of the straps keeping him secure, lifting him up.

"Hi, baby," you cooed, your hand sweeping over the top of his head to push his hair back. "Did you have a nice little nap?"

You were about to place a kiss on his cheek when Tyler cleared his throat loudly, his head pushing between yours and Bentley's. "Don't play the cute card, you know what you did," he said, and then looked at you. "You were gonna kiss me before someone decided to be dramatic."

"Oh, right," you laughed, doing as you were going to before. Although it wasn't quite the same with a baby in your arms, but you made it work, lips even against each other and completely G-rated other than the fact that it lasted forever, yet it still left you breathless.

"Okay, now's your turn," Tyler said, and you smiled at his light voice, kissing at Bentley's cheek and the folds of his neck until he smiled, his finger's tickling at Bentley's back. "Are you gonna give Mom kisses? Give Mom kisses."

You laughed at the way that Tyler was trying to guide Bentley's head towards you, leaning it to kiss at his cheeks. Which you were able to do, mostly, until Gerry jumped up against you, his tongue licking at your face and the baby's.

"I wasn't talking to you," Tyler laughed, pulling him down, and you shifted Bentley in your arms, pulling his diaper bag towards you to get something to wipe off Bentley's face.

"Stop drooling," you laughed, continually wiping at Bentley's gummy smile. "I'm trying to help you and you're making an even bigger mess than Gerry did."

"'Cause the kid sleeps like you," Tyler said, hanging his head back with his mouth open.

"We do not," you said.

"Mhmm..." Tyler said, leaning into kiss you and then Bentley on the cheek. "You're both freaking adorable when you sleep."

You gave him a look, even as he nuzzled into you. "You woke up so happy," Tyler said, distracting from the situation.

"He was probably tired, he was playing really hard today," you said, bouncing him in your arms,

"Nah, he wanted to join the dance party," Tyler said, and you vaguely noticed him fiddling with your phone while you tried to sway with Bentley, but didn't think much of it until the music changed, and you took Bentley's hand in yours, swinging quicker to the beat, smiling at him until a joyous smile came across his face. "Oh you got moves, bud."

You laughed at the way Bentley's hand was gripped around you shirt, like he was holding on for dear life, even though he was clearly enjoying himself.

"Kiss you once 'cause I know you had a long night

Kiss you twice 'cause it's gonna be alright

Three times 'cause you waited your whole life

Ah"

You kissed Bentley on the cheek while Tyler was clapping his hands in time with the numbers, Bentley letting out a pleased squeal.

"Someone loves some T Swift," Tyler said, tickling at Bentley's belly, "You're gonna fit right in in Texas, huh?"

"Awe, I'm gonna have to get him a baby passport," you said, clutching your hand to your chest at the thought of the adorableness.

"You're gonna move in with me and that's what you're excited about?" Tyler asked, eyes wide in surprise.

"No, that's not what I'm excited about," you assured him. "It's gonna be so cute though."

Tyler smiled a little and then gave you an interesting look, one you couldn't quite decipher, and you watched him stutter a little inhale, running his hand through his hair. "You're not having second thoughts are you?" he asked.

"About moving in together?" you asked, and Tyler gave a curt not. "No," you said, shaking your head, and then looking at him, speaking before you could stop the words from toppling out of your mouth. "Are you?"

"Me?" he asked, eyes widening in surprise. "No, no, I just....well, I know how you have a tendency to overthink things. And you said "yes", really, really fast."

Because you didn't have to think about it, because you couldn't bare to think about the alternative. And you'd be lying if you said you hadn't had some thoughts running through you mind about the logistics of it all, and what it would be for you and Bentley, and everyone, when you'd never even considered moving out of the country until that moment.

"I mean, it scares me, a little, yeah," you admitted, making sure to look him clear in the eyes. "But I want to be with you."

"Me too," Tyler said softly, almost shyly." I was kinda worried you were gonna say no."

"What? Really?"

"Mhmmm..."he said, settling against you. "Not so much because I thought you might say no, but I just....kinda freaked myself out thinking about what I would do if you didn't want to."

His words came out followed by a gentle huff, making you believe that this was something that had been weighing on him for awhile.

"How...how long have you been thinking about asking me?" you asked with curiosity, shifting Bentley in your arms, because a part of you had figured this had been an impulsive ask on his part, typically so decided in his decisions.

"Since I went to Dallas," he admitted, evenly, and yet softly, like he only wanted you to hear. "Like, I didn't even know that I was thinking about it, really, until I was down there. Then my dad caught me looking around - like, I was thinking that room at the end of the hall across from room could be his room? It has enough room for a crib and everything. And we could make a little play area for him in the corner of the living room there so we can still keep an eye on him from the kitchen and stuff."

"Awe," you said, heart swooning.

"Awe?" Tyler asked, his face confused, yet a smile playing on his face. "Why is that 'awe'?"

"Because you thought about making a space for him."

"Well, of course I thought about making a place for him, he's gonna be living there too," Tyler said, like it was only common sense.

"It's still sweet," you protested.

"Yeah, well, I guess I really shouldn't be arguing with you when you think I'm being cute," he said.

You smiled, shaking your head, your faces so close, your nose just brushed against his.

"I thought he was gonna think I was nuts," Tyler confessed. "Like, it's so soon, but...I don't know, you make me..."

"I make you what?" you asked, half tentatively.

"I don't know," Tyler said, his cheek against yours, still somehow hugging each other in the kitchen, the baby warm and cozy against you. "I guess you make me want things I didn't think I'd have - or want to have- for awhile."

"Me too," you mumbled, because you never could have imagined what you were now: having Bentley sit up for the first time in that room that would be down the hall from yours and Tyler's, or getting to share his first brave, wobbly steps in Tyler's living room.

"Like it's crazy for me," he continued, "Like I never...I guess I never thought I'd be asking you to move in with me so soon, but..."

"But you're sure?" you confirmed, and before you could even get the words out, Tyler firmly said. "You know I'm serious about you."

You took a welcome breath. "I didn't even think about it...like the end of summer, I couldn't think about it."

"It was all I could think about," Tyler said, "And my dad said it best, I think, he was just like, 'when you love someone, you love someone'."

You laughed a little, pulling back so you could look at him. "I'm pretty sure he wanted us to move in together as soon as he found out I was pregnant."

Tyler chuckled against you. "Yeah...." he said, "Honestly, if you weren't working and I actually had the right to ask you, I'd have wanted you to fly down all the damn time. It sucked being away from you."

Your hand moved over his, where it was digging in against your side. "It was hard for me, too," you said, taking a breath, "Like, I don't think I've ever so sad when you had to leave."

"Nah, you always miss me," Tyler said, nuzzling against your neck. "It was just worse because you pregnant."

"No, I know, I was emotional."

"No, I mean I was emotional," Tyler clarified, "Like, I just, I don't know, if drove me crazy, babe, like I needed to be able to see you."

"I mean, all the phone calls and the visiting me during any spare time you had kinda gave it away.'

Tyler gave a bit of a sheepish look, tilting his head with a sweet smile. "I thought I was just being a good friend."

"I mean, you were," you said, "But you're kind of an even better boyfriend."

""Oh, I know, you're so lucky." he said, a smirk on his face.

"I am," you confirmed.

"Mmm.." he said, moving into kiss you, "And I can do this whenever I want, which is awesome."

You kissed him back, feeling Bentley's hand moving against your arm, smiling against Tyler's lips.

"I could always do this to you whenever I wanted," Tyler said, planting playful, exaggerated kisses in the rolls of Bentley's neck, pausing only to look up at you. "See, if last year sucked, it would have been even worse being apart from each other with this guy."

"Well, you won't be apart from us," you smiled, unable to resist kissing Bentley's chubby cheek yourself.

"If you're sure," Tyler said teasingly, still smiling up at you.

"I said I'm sure," you laughed. "Are you sure you're sure? You're making me second guess myself."

"Babe, I've been sure about you for a long time," Tyler said, his eyes steady and warm, looking into yours, "And, I mean, now that we've survived half a vacation already with a baby and not fought, I'm pretty sure we can handle living together. Unless we start arguing before we leave, then we may have to reassess the whole moving in thing."

He said the last part with a shrug, a cheeky grin on his face, and you laughed. "Oh, so this was a test, it wasn't a vacation."

"Nooooo," Tyler said, drawing out the word, trying hard not to laugh. "Nah, you practically lived with me all last summer, I'm pretty sure we could handle it."

"Yeah, I think we can, too."

"Can you say it?" Tyler asked, looking at you sweetly, "Because I've been building this up in my mind asking for you for a really long time, you know."

You laughed, leaning in to kiss him. "Yes, I'm 100% sure that I want to move in with you."

You felt Tyler's smile upturn against you. "So does this mean I can tell the dogs?"

You laughed, looking around at the faces in the kitchen. "Well, I'm pretty sure they can hear us but ---"

"Shh..." Tyler mumbled, getting down on the floor with them. "Guess what, guys? Guess who's gonna come live with us this year? You won't have to miss Mom anymore. Or Bentley. Cash, is your baby gonna come live with you? Are you gonna share your bed with him? Oh, you think maybe we should get him a crib? That's a good idea."

You smiled down at the wagging tails, and Tyler someone managing to stretch out on the floor, errant paws scrambling all over him,Bentley just watching the whole scene. "Are you excited to move to Texas?" you asked. "We can go to hockey games, and check out all the parks, and maybe you'll make some new friends."

Bentley cooed in response, batting his hand, and you smiled again, kissing him on the cheek.

"Oh, you're gonna make a ton of friends," Tyler said from the floor. "No big parties though. I mean it."

"We'll wait till he goes to the rink," you said in a loud whisper, "And then we'll bring out the ice cream, okay?"

"Hey," Tyler said, pushing himself up from the floor, wrapping himself around you both. "Don't you guys try to have all the fun without me. Only a little bit, okay?"

You smiled at his baby voice, the way Bentley was transfixed on Tyler's face, and you knew even more that you couldn't deprive either of them of that relationship, and you'd likely only fall even more in love with Tyler over the upcoming season.

"Okay," you said, double checking that you'd set the timer. "Who wants to go play while dinner is cooking?"

"Me," Tyler said, lifting Bentley's hand up for him. "I want to go play."

You smiled, following Tyler to where he was jogging towards the games room, encouraging the dogs to follow him. "C'mon, Mom, hurry up."

"Mom can't run."

"Walk really, really, really fast," Tyler said, and you laughed, grabbing your breastfeeding pillow from the couch and tossing it on the blanket that was still stretched out on the floor, leaning over to prop Bentley up in it.

"What toys do we got?" you said, kneeling down next to him. "Do you want your keys, again?" you asked, picking them up and dangling them in front of him, pressing the button so the music played.

"Where you going to, bud?" Tyler asked him.

"Mmm...just for a little drive," you said, looking back at Bentley.

*I always take my keys with me when I go out*, the toy sung, and you tried to hold back a laugh.

"I mean, that's a pretty smart strategy," Tyler said. "Is that supposed to be educational?"

"It's for motor skills."

"I mean, I'm not really sure he's quite at the point where he's able to stick a key in a lock yet," Tyler said, with mock seriousness, bouncing a ping pong ball on a paddle he'd grabbed from the table, and you laughed as Bentley's eyes widened. transfixed. "Is that blowing your mind?"

"He's like, woah, you're so good at that."

"I need to teach Mommy how to play, huh?"

"Mommy knows how to play ping-pong."

Tyler gave you a little bit of a look. "I mean, sure, but not well," he said, laughing at your expression. "It's not your fault, it's not like you practice."

"No, well, I don't have a ping-pong table."

"Well, you will now," he said, "And I kind of need you to get decent so we can get into some couples' tournaments."

"Couples' tournaments?" you laughed.

"Yeah, we'll get a whole operation going. Bentley can distract people with his cuteness, the dogs'll trip our opponents up, and then we'll just hustle people for money."

"You're ridiculous."

"No, I'm just trying to get you to play ping-pong with me," he said, giving you a pleading look, and you laughed, letting him take your hand to pull you up since Bentley was content just hanging out and watching out what was going on around him. You laughed as Tyler made a big show out of fitting his body around yours, sliding his hand over top, like helping you get the technique down was up the utmost importance and he was a profession, other than the way that he was pressed against your body, of course.

And then he proceeded to take absolutely no mercy against you, whipping the ball so hard it ricocheted off the wall behind you and then you had to chase it across the floor, Tyler's giggles filled the room, and Gerry trying to snatch it before you did.

"You gotta help Mom, Bentley, give her some tips," Tyler said, half leaning over now to talk to the baby. "She needs lots of them."

With his attention diverted, you took the opportunity to toss the ball at him, ricocheting off his head. "Hey!" Tyler said, turning to you laughing, his hand rubbing his head like it actually hurt. "That is not fair."

"I was throwing it to you, it's your serve," you said, looking pointedly at the ball, and Tyler sighed dramatically, you taking great pleasure in watching him bending over to pick it up, steadying your ping pong paddle in your hand. Which was great, really, because they you didn't drop it on the ground when he bent down, throwing you over his shoulder before you could even prepare.

"Tyler!" you said, really trying hard not to fall flat on your face as he walked back around the table, somehow managing to shift with the ping pong ball and paddle in his left hand, hitting it across the table lightly in a way that would have been easy for you to smash back, had you been on the opposite side of the table.

"My point," he said cockily, wrapping both arms around you now to settle your feet back on the floor.

"Well, you can't cheat," you said.

"It's not my fault you weren't there," he said. "You gotta be ready."

"It was exactly your fault," you laughed, "You can't pick people up."

"Well, you shouldn't have let me pick you up then," he said, laughing, somehow sliding his hand down to your ass and kissing you sweetly at the same time. "That was just a warm-up, okay? I'll be nice now."

"Well, don't let me win," you said, walking back around to your side of the table, and he gave you a look.

"No, I'm never gonna let you win," he grinned. He didn't, either, although there was a little more rallying and a little less chasing the ping pong ball around the room. After he'd won by only a handful of points you were set to go for another one, but noticed the timer was about to go off in about 60 seconds.

"Can you keep an eye on him while I go take that stuff out to cool?" you asked, nodding towards the baby.

"Mhmm.." he said, and you left your paddle on the table, your phone in hand when you walked back to the kitchen, frowning when you saw the text but carrying out your task anyways, and when you went back into the room, Tyler was on the floor now interacting with Bentley while Cash was still stretched out beside him.

"Hey, Ty?" you said, your phone still in your hand.

"What's up?" he asked, a toy still in his hand when he looked up at you.

"Your mom texted me earlier to let me know that she's coming up to your cottage this weekend while you're out of town and to ask if Bentley and I wanted to come over for dinner one night."

"Oh?" he asked, and you couldn't quite read the look on his face.

"Yeah," you said, curiosity written across across your features, setting your phone on the table. "Did you not tell her that we were coming with you?"

"No?" he asked. "Was I supposed to?"

"Oh no," you said, kneeling down on the floor now and then creeping back up to reach for your phone, thinking you should at least let her know before she went grocery shopping or anything. "I just thought you would have mentioned it."

"Yeahhhh," Tyler said, reaching to intercept you reaching for your phone, "If I mentioned that, though, then she probably would've started asking questions about why we were going on vacation together."

"What?" you asked, letting out a surprised laugh, and then studying the expression on his face. "Did you not tell her about us?"

"I mean, I didn't not tell her about us."

"What does that even mean?"

"I mean, I didn't actively not tell her, it just hasn't really come up."

"It didn't come up when you were telling her you were going away and I was coming with you?"

"Well, she didn't ask who I was going with," Tyler said, and you weren't sure you could raise your eyebrows any further in disbelief.

"Wha-?" You started, and then shook your head, your voice coming out sounding a little strained. "Do you not want her to know about us or--?"

"Oh, no, no, of course I do. She's gonna be stoked," he said, giving you a little smile that let you know that that wasn't the reason he was hesitant to share this news with his mother.

"Soooo..." you said, still trying to figure this whole thing out, because it wasn't like he was trying to keep your relationship on the down low at all, "You're going to tell her then, right?"

"Oh, yeah," Tyler said easily, his lips twisting up in a smile. "Whenever it comes up, then I'll tell her."

"Tyler," you said, and he just laughed.

"Okay, look," he said, "it was easy to tell my dad because I was with him, and you and I were apart, so obviously I wasn't going to go a whole weekend without talking to my girl. But he also gets that this is a new thing and wanted some alone time with you as a couple. I tell my mother and she's gonna want us to come have family dinners all the time. Which is fine, but -"

"So you were putting off telling your mom about us because you didn't want her to invite us over for dinner too often?"

"Well, when you put it like that, it sounds kinda dumb, but yeah?" Tyler shrugged. "Also maybe a little bit I was worried she was gonna get mad at me for not making a move on you sooner?"

"I don't think she's gonna be mad at you," you laughed, and Tyler raised his eyebrows.

"She's not your mom, you don't know how she can get," he said.

"I mean, I do know your mom," you said. And you supposed that was one of the benefits of falling in love with your best friend, that you got to bypass all the awkward meeting the parents and trying to make a good impression.

"Okay, but you didn't see the look on her face when she found out you were pregnant and she assumed that we were a thing."

"What, really?"

"Mhmm.. and, I mean, she was still super happy after I told her the truth, but I think she was hoping just a little bit that we were at least hooking up or something," he said, "which is really kind of weird, but she's gonna be super happy that we're actually doing this thing."

He was rubbing his thumb over your hand at the last part, and you couldn't really be mad at him, not when he was so cute and so dumb at the same time, and then you had a thought, gasping. "Tyler!"

"What? What did I do now?"

"You basically said on your Instagram that you have a girlfriend!" you said, playfully pushing him away from you when he laughed at your reaction. "Your mom probably wanted me to come over so she could ask me who you were seeing!"

"I don't think that's - " Tyler started and then stopped, looking at you more curiously. "Wait, my mom asks you for dirt on me?"

"Sometimes if she hasn't heard from you in awhile, she asks if I have to make sure you're okay," you said, and then shook your head. "That's besides the point! Your mom follows you on Instagram, she follows me on Instagram, what if I posted something that showed we were together? She's gonna be so mad that you told everyone else before her. Isn't she asking you?"

"Uh...I've kinda been avoiding looking at my phone," Tyler said, looking around the room like he had left it somewhere in there, but then he pushed himself up to stand.

"Wait, is this why you didn't want us on our phones during this trip?" you asked, and Tyler shook his head, making a face like that thought hadn't even crossed his mind.

"No, of course not," he said, leaning down to kiss you. "Just let me grab my phone, 'k?"

By the time he came back, you'd at least had time to process what he'd said, your eyes landing on the way his thumb was against the screen. "Okay, so, did she say if she was at home?"

"Well, you don't have to call her right now," you said, moving your hand with where Bentley had his fingers wrapped around it, because you didn't want to dictate what he should and shouldn't do, but Tyler just shrugged.

"What does it matter if I tell her now?" he asked, and you laughed.

"Well, you're the one who was putting off telling her."

"Yeah, because I was being selfish," Tyler said, settling back on the floor and easing into you. "And that was when I was thinking I might have limited time with you, now I can share you a bit because I won't have to say goodbye to you at the end of the summer."

"I know," you said, the grin spreading across your face. "But you can wait to tell her in person if you really want."

"But you got me all excited to tell her now," he said, leaning into kiss you once more. "I'm super happy, so she's gonna be super happy. And if we call her now, then you don't have to try and explain to my mother why you can't come to her dinner."

"That's true," you said, eyeing the way he was flicking through his phone.

"'K, so just be quiet," he said to you, and then leaned over, putting Bentley's pacifier in his mouth and holding his finger up to his mouth in a motion to be quiet, like the baby would actually listen to him,

"Why do I have to be quiet?" you asked.

"Shhh..." Tyler said, and you could already hear the call connecting, Tyler's mom answering pretty much immediately like she'd been just waiting for him to call.

"Ty?" she asked.

"Don't you have caller I.D.?" he asked, making a face and then laughing, leaning back against the couch now with his phone extended in front of him on speakerphone.

"Well, yes, I have caller I.D., I just wasn't expecting to hear from you," she said. "I thought you were out of town."

"Yeah, well, I still am, I just well, I kind of thought I should give you a call to -" Tyler glanced at you out of the corner of his eye, a smirk on his lips. "I guess there's kind of something I need to talk to you about. Something kind of important."

You heard her pause and take an inhale, "Tyler..."

"Just promise that you're not gonna freak out, okay?"

"Tyler..." she said again, and he only giggled.

"So, just don't freak out."

"Tyler," she repeated, "You can't keep doing this to me."

"Doing what?" he asked, "I'm not doing anything, just trying to fill my mother in on what's going on in my life."

"Why am I on speaker then?"

Tyler looked at you then, like you were supposed to be a part of this, and you gave him a dirty look, pushing at him with your foot. "Oh, I was just cooking dinner," he said.

"You were cooking dinner?" she asked in disbelief.

"Yes, I cook sometimes," Tyler said, with half annoyance, picking up his phone and taking it off speaker, pulling it to his ear. "Is this better?"

You could hear her voice yet couldn't make out her words, and Tyler gestured for you to come closer. And while you weren't completely on board with the whole giving your mother a heart attack thing, you did actually want to hear her reaction.

"So is this a good thing or a bad thing then?"

"Mostly a good thing," Tyler said, and you frowned at him, "I mean, I'm happy about it, but I just want you to know if case you come down to visit me in Dallas next year. There might not be as much room if you want to stay with me."

"What?" she asked, and now she actually sounded concerned, and no longer skeptical that he was only trying to get a rise out of her. "Did you....did you go to Quebec to get another dog? Because -"

"No, I am not getting another dog," Tyler interrupted her.

"Then what do you mean there's not going to be as much room?"

"Well..." Tyler said, drawing out the word, and looking at you with a smile. "I asked someone to move in with me today. And she said yes."

"You asked......wait, she?"

"Mhmm..."

"What?" Jackie asked. "Who?"

"My girlfriend."

"What?" she asked again, louder this time, and with surprise. "This was not funny the first time, Tyler."

"I'm not laughing," he said, seriously, reaching for your hand. "I think you'll really, really like her. I'm almost positive."

"Are you lying to me?"

"I'm not lying to you," Tyler said, "I promise."

"But why don't I know about her then? If you're asking her to move in?"

"Well, it's pretty new..."

"How new?"

"Like...a month? Officially."

"A month? And you're asking her to move in with you?"

"Well, I already asked her, but yeah," Tyler said.

"And you're expecting me to believe all this?"

"I'm not lying," Tyler said, biting back a laugh. "Dad thought it was a great idea."

"Your dad knows about her?"

"Yeah, we went fishing with him," Tyler said, "Ask him if you don't believe me."

"It's not that I don't believe you, it's just that I don't believe this isn't a joke."

"It's not a joke," Tyler said, "And there's something else, too. She has a kid."

"She....has a kid?"

"Yeah, he's super cute, I think you'll really like him."

"And....he's moving in with you, too?"

"Well, yeah," Tyler said.

You leaned against Tyler now, like you could practically hear his mom thinking through the phone. "Is...is Y/N there?"

Tyler immediately started laughing. "Yeah, she's here."

"Can I talk to her?"

"Yes, you can talk to her," Tyler laughed, putting his phone back on speaker and holding it out in front of both of you.

"Hi," you said easily, your voice filled with happiness and a little bit of apology.

"Is he telling the truth?" she asked immediately, and you had to laugh at her quickness.

"Yeah," you said, intertwining your fingers with Tyler and turning your head to smile with him, "Yeah, he's telling the truth."

"So you're...?"

"Yeah, I'm moving to Dallas," you confirmed.

"But you and Tyler are...?"

"Oh, we're together," you said. "Yeah."

She didn't say anything, and then Tyler leaned forward towards the phone. "Mom?"

"Oh, sorry, sorry, I'm here," she said, and you could hear rustling through the phone. "Oh, I'm so happy for you guys, that's great."

"Yeah?" Tyler asked.

"Well, of course I am," she said, "I mean, I'm a little mad at you, Tyler, but.."

"Why are you mad at me?"

"Because you tried to scare me!" she said.

"I did not, I told you I was telling the truth," Tyler said, "And Y/N was here too, why is she not getting in trouble?"

"Because she wouldn't do that to me," Jackie said, and you laughed at Tyler's expression.

"See, I told you you'd like my girlfriend," Tyler said.

"Oh, I love her."

"'K, calm down, Mom, this is still a super new thing," Tyler said sarcastically, and she laughed.

"When did you guys even...?"

"It's actually been like a month," Tyler said, "You had no idea?"

"No," she said, "I mean, I had hoped, but I didn't know."

"Yeah, so we decided to go away for a bit, and I just...couldn't go any longer without asking her," Tyler said, and you heard her make a sound of sweetness.

"Is Bentley with you?"

"Oh, shoot," Tyler said, "Actually, could you run over to Y/N's house and check on him? We totally forgot. Yes, he's here."

She didn't have time to catechize him for his smart ass remark because then he was pushing the button the connect for a face time call, and you watched her come into view, just moving her glasses back towards her face, wiping at her face.

"Are you crying?"Tyler asked.

"I'm just really excited for you guys."

"Awe," Tyler said, "Thank god she said yes. And thank god you said her name and not someone else's."

"Yeah, well you too have always had a special connection."

"Well, she's special," Tyler said, turning his head from where it was pressed against yours to place a kiss on your temple. "And we already know we make cute kids, so.."

Which was another thing, really, but you couldn't really think about that when Tyler crawled over you to get closer to Bentley, holding the phone out in front of the baby.

"Whose that?" you said, laying on the other side of Bentley, pointing at the phone. "Is that Grandma Jackie?"

"Hi sweetheart," she cooed, "Are you having a good time on your trip?"

"He's having a great time," you said, pulling his pacifier away as it was falling out as he smiled in response to the sound of your voice.

"He's being super well behaved too, so chill," Tyler added,

"Don't jinx it."

"Nah, he's a super good baby," Tyler said, planting kisses on Bentley's face, "I mean, I might be biased but --"

"No, he's done better than I thought he would," you said, although you were kinda aware now that Tyler hadn't really experienced a bad night yet, other than when Bentley had his ear infection. "He's been so happy."

"He learned to laugh, too," Tyler said, tickling Bentley like he was trying to elicit a laugh, while the baby was just staring at him.

"Which is the best thing ever," you added, "Except he doesn't think we're funny."

"No, he doesn't think you're funny, he knows I'm funny," Tyler interrupted.

"Well, how come he doesn't laugh when you try to get him to?" you laughed.

"Because he's still learning, it's a new skill, he's working on it," Tyler said.

"He kinda laughed at me earlier," you said.

"That wasn't a laugh, that was a smile," Tyler said, "He just sees you and is like, 'Oh, hey mom, there you are, let me smile and be all happy', but he thinks I'm funny, he's just figuring it out, trust me."

"Anyways," you said, laughing at Tyler's certainty, "He thinks the dogs are super funny. Marshall started sneezing yesterday and he thought it was the funniest thing ever."

"That sounds adorable," Jackie said.

"Oh, it was," you confirmed, thinking back to the moment, both you and Tyler laughing at his pure enjoyment, and you could hardly wait to see what kinds of memories you'd get to create this year with your little family.

"Well, I'll let you guys go enjoy your vacation, I don't want to take up too much of your time," Jackie said, and you realized that you'd just been looking around at all your boys, hardly paying attention to the facetime conversation now.

"Thanks, Mom," Tyler said, "Love you."

"Love you guys, give Bentley a kiss for me," she said, and then just as Tyler was about to hang up, added, "Oh, you'll have to let me know when you're back, you'll have to come over for dinner."

You shared a knowing smile with Tyler.

"We were just talking about that, we'd love to," Tyler said, "What are you making?"

***

"Is he down?" Tyler asked in a quiet voice, after you'd stepped out on the deck, with the baby monitor in your hand, eyeing the half glass of wine that Tyler had poured for you, and shrugging off your robe so you could join him in the hot tub. It was round 2 of attempting to get him to sleep, with him being unhappy with Tyler trying to tuck him into bed like he normally did, and it had taken many laps around the house to try and get him to settle.

"This is just what I needed," you said gratefully, feeling your body already start to relax as you eased into the warm water, making your way over to Tyler.

"Did you bring the keys with you?" Tyler asked with a laugh.

"Yeah, if we're both out here, I don't want us to get locked out accidentally," you said, easing your head back to so could feel the jets right along your neck.

"I'm pretty sure you can only lock that back door from the inside," Tyler laughed, "Did you think the dogs were gonna lock us out?"

"I don't know what's gonna happen, it's not my house," you said, "I've just heard of it happening before, where people accidentally lock themselves out out of the house with their baby inside."

"In real life, or did you see it on a T.V. show?" Tyler asked, and you let one eye peel open from where it had been shut in relaxation.

"It might have been on a T.V. show," you admitted sheepishly, and Tyler laughed, "But it makes me feel better."

"No, I think it's cute that you worry about things like that," Tyler said, his tongue swiping over his plump bottom lip. "I would never even have thought of it."

"Yeah, but you'd probably break into the house to get him if we got locked out," you said.

"I mean, I would," Tyler said, "You're scrappy though, you'd figure it out."

"Well, yeah," you said, thinking back to the time when he'd managed to lock his keys in his first car, and you'd ended up having to get a coat hanger to get inside, after numerous attempts from him.

"Don't even, my hands were too big," Tyler laughed.

"I didn't say anything."

"Yeah, but you were thinking it," Tyler said, "And I've got shit together better now. Or everything's electronic so I can't mess things up."

"Mhmm." you said. And even though the keypad on his door in Dallas made things super easy whenever you were staying there, you kind of hoped he'd get you a key cut, if only for the symbolism.

"I guess I'm gonna have to get all those things that go over the electrical outlets," Tyler said, and you turned to him.

"Why?"

"Because you guys are gonna be coming to live with me," Tyler said, like it was obvious.

"Well, he can't even roll over yet, he's not going to be getting into stuff yet."

"He's rolled over before," Tyler said.

"From his stomach to his back, and then he's stuck, he's not gonna get very far like that," you said, and Tyler laughed, flailing his arms in the air, "It's gonna be awhile before he crawls, I haven't even baby proofed my house yet."

"Really?" Tyler asked.

"Yeah, I mean his room is safe, but that's about it. I have plug covers and stuff anyways, I can bring it with me."

"Or you can leave it here in case you guys want to come home to visit, or for the summer," Tyler said, "And then you don't really have to worry about packing stuff up and going back and forth."

"Or we could do that," you said, taking your mind off the fact that you probably didn't need to have two cribs or two rockers, or multiple strollers and carseats, "But we'll figure all that stuff out, anyways, he's not just going to up and start walking all of sudden, and it's not like he's gonna be left alone."

"Yeah," Tyler said, although he didn't sound fully convinced.

"Your house is probably better for a baby anyways, 'cause you've got it dog proofed."

"Yeah, I guess we'll just get Gerry to show us what he might get into," Tyler said.

"Yes," you laughed, "Bentley will show us too. It's not like we have to have everything perfect right away. He's gonna grow and change."

That was really the most important thing you'd learned since having him, anyways, was that what worked the month before didn't always work the next, and you didn't really need the things that you thought you might.

"Yeah, but I would just feel better if we had everything all put together for you guys before training camp." Tyler said, and you recognized that familiar feeling of anxiety about needing everything in place.

"I'm pretty sure it'll be okay," you said, "You weren't even home when you moved last."

"True," Tyler said, his lips sliding into a smile, "And I know where we can get some reinforcements to help."

"Yeah," you said, although you had reservations of him easily going overboard, but you just wanted to stay on the excitement and high of getting to live with him. "I'm not worried about that though. Because we're gonna get to live together."

"Yeah," Tyler echoed, his voice lighter, his hand brushing against yours under the water. "We can have sleepovers every night."

"Can we sit in the hot tub every night after we put him to bed?"

"Hell yeah," Tyler said, "We'll get a baby monitor set up out there, a wine fridge, we'll be all set."

You weren't sure if he was joking or not, but you smiled anyways. "What I really need to do is ask his pediatrician for a referral to see someone down there."

"For a doctor for him in Dallas?" Tyler asked.

"That's what a pediatrician is a doctor for children," you said, your voice teasing.

"Haha," Tyler said, dryly. "That stuff is super easy, though. You can ask the other wives, or the team doctors."

"The other wives?" you asked.

"Yeah, I can get you their numbers and they can help you with finding doctors and play groups or whatever, places to shop. Get you set up in the wive's room, stuff like that."

"But I'm not your wife?" you asked, almost tentatively, because the thought of that was just way too much right now.

"Oh, no, I know," Tyler said, turning to face you, his voice reassuring, and using the hand that war next to yours to turn your body towards him, somehow managing to pull you into his lap, his hand gripping at your hip and then sliding to cup your ass, his eyes somehow managing to glimmer even in the dark of the night. "But I'm kinda into you. And we do have a kid together, so I think it's pretty important that you're a part of my hockey family, too."

"I just...don't know how this all works," you said, and Tyler laughed, and you had flashbacks to all those first few times that you'd gone to see him play in the NHL, when it had seemed kind of all overwhelming, especially when you weren't his family or his girlfriend, and yet he'd taken care of you like you were.

"It's not that complicated, trust me," he said, pressing his lips to yours, and you let your hands raised to the tops of his shoulders, and then smooth down over his arms, "Other than the fact I'm gonna get teased relentlessly for how into you I've been this whole time and haven't done a damn thing about it."

"Yeahhhh, I'm pretty sure we're never gonna hear the end of it," you sighed, giving him a little smile. "Your sisters keep texting me wanting to know where I am, by the way."

You felt Tyler laugh beneath you, and you knew, of course, that he hadn't told them yet either. "I kinda want to wait until we see them," he said, sliding his hand up and down your back, "See the looks on their faces."

"I know," you said, because Tyler had gotten to see their immediate reaction to you having a baby, and you'd missed out on that. "But I can't just ignore them until then."

"Well, that's what I've been doing," Tyler said, and then he laughed at your shocked expression, and the way that you pushed at his arm. "Just say you're super busy or something, I don't know."

"I'm not even working or anything right now, Tyler, if I say I'm super busy, they'll probably come drop something off at the house or offer to come over and hold the baby," you said, "and they're gonna know that I'm lying."

Tyler's beard rubbed into your neck as he though. "Well, say you decided to go away for a few days on a little family vacation."

"Because then technically it's not a lie?"

"Exactly," Tyler said, like you'd gotten it.

"They might even be more excited than your mom," you said.

"Yeah," Tyler said, giving you a smile, and then wrapping his hands around your back even more. "You know, as much as I love that my family loves you, don't forget that I loved you first."

"I would never," you said, kissing him back, letting your body sink into his in a slow, unhurried pace, your lips moving together and your hands soft, focusing on nothing else other than each other and complete unrushed until you heard the cries break through the baby monitor, slowly breaking away and letting out a little groan.

"I swear he knows when we're making out," Tyler said, and you caught his eye when you heard a distinctive howl coming through the baby monitor as well, even though the bedroom door had to be closed.

"He does not, we've had lots of alone time," you said.

"Yeah we have," Tyler said cockily, giving your ass a squeeze as he moved behind you, already on your way to come go back inside since it was clear he wasn't going to put himself back asleep.

"You can stay out here," you offered.

"We've already been out here for like half an hour," Tyler said, laughing at your shocked face because you were certain it hadn't even been 10 minutes. "I know, time flies when I've got my tongue down your throat."

"Tyler," you scolded, and he laughed, hands on your hip, and you might have gotten distracted as you heard the cries get louder.

"It was in a nice way, dude, chill," Tyler said to the baby monitor, turning you around to go inside, where you were immediately met with the echoing of nails against the floor from the dogs making their rounds. "What's wrong with your brother, guys? How come you didn't get him?"

You smiled, turning the door handle and Cash pushing his way through, pulling your towel tighter around yourself. "What's the matter?" you asked, pulling him from his bassinet and into your arms, bouncing lightly, reaching for his abandoned pacifier.

"You want me to take him for a bit?" Tyler asked, leaning around you. "You're dripping all over, and not in the good way."

"Oh my god," you said under your breath, Tyler giggling and he took the baby from you, and you went about going to find your clothes.

"Oooh, you want to see boobs?" Tyler asked in his baby voice, "Is that gonna make you feel all better?"

"Stop it," you laughed, getting changed while you walked into the bathroom to hang your swimsuit up, moving quickly because Tyler needed to get changed too, and you didn't think Bentley would really relax until he was snuggled up against a warm, dry body.

"He doesn't need to be changed or anything," Tyler said, passing him back to you.

"Yeah, I think he's just restless," you said, continuing to move with him. .

"He's not the only one," Tyler said, laughing at the way the dogs were circling around, "What's up? You guys need to go for a walk or something?"

You laughed at the way that the dogs were now completely perked up, trotting excitedly around the room. "Well, I guess I'm going for a walk now," Tyler said.

"What do you think, baby?" you said, already trying to work on getting Bentley into the carrier. "You want to take the puppies for a walk? Get some fresh air?"

"I think he wants to do anything that isn't sleeping," Tyler said, raising his eyebrows at you as you looked at him pulling his shirt on. Bentley was still crying when you got outside, which meant that Tyler was attempting to stop Gerry from howling, and you laughed at all the ruckus that you were creating in the quiet neighbourhood.

You weren't sure Dallas was quite ready for all this.

The dogs did, though, eventually get distracted by what was ahead of them, sniffing at the ground with tails wagging, Tyler loosely holding the leashes with one hand, tucking his hand into yours with the other, your one hand still on Bentley's back to try and calm him down.

"What's your deal, dude?" Tyler asked in a soft voice, leaning in to kiss him, and making a noise that you assumed was supposed to be imitating him crying, but that sounded more like a wounded dinosaur.

"He's just a little grumpy, I think," you said, trying to create as much movement as you walked to soothe him, already hearing him take deeper breaths of fresh air.

"Do you think he could be teething?" Tyler asked casually.

"He's only three months old."

"I know, babies can start teething at three months," Tyler said.

"Well, they can, but it's not common," you said, looking over at Tyler, his eyes focused on where you were walking. "Wait, how do you know that?"

You watched as a blush appeared on the swell of his cheeks, quirking his lips like he needed to move something. "I got this book," Tyler said, his eyes darting over towards you briefly like he was hesitant about your reaction. "It's for, like, new dads I guess."

He said the last part like it was a question, and you felt your heart warm, the heat moving from his hand into yours. "Oh, the one in your suitcase?"

"Yeah," Tyler said, and then his brows furrowed. "You saw it?"

"Yeah, when I was grabbing laundry," you said, because you didn't want him to think you were snooping, not when you'd asked him before going into his suitcase.

"Why...why didn't you say anything?"

"Because I didn't know if you wanted me to see it," you admitted, tentative in the way you looked at him, because you knew that this book didn't mean he was there yet.

"Well, I wasn't like hiding it from you or anything," Tyler said, "It's just....it's like, a lot, you know, to feel like I'm prepared to be a parent."

And even though you knew it was on his mind, his hand still felt steady in yours. "I know," you said simply.

"And I feel like I'm decent with kids, but babies are so....complicated sometimes," Tyler said. "Like when I thought about you having a kid, I was more like, I'm gonna have a cool little person to play with, and I kind of forgot about the whole baby stage."

"Yeah," you laughed, your hand still running over Bentley's back, his little body relaxing against yours. "You're way better with him than I thought you'd be."

"Well, thanks," Tyler laughed, and you slowed your steps down a little, laughing.

"I didn't mean like that," you said, "I just mean that you're way more involved that I thought you'd be."

"Well..." Tyler said, his lips turning into a smile, looking back between him and you.

"I meant before we were even a thing," you said.

"Yeah, well,..." Tyler said, "I really underestimated the amount that the fact that he's yours would make me fall in love with him even more."

"Yeah," you said, squeezing his hand, because it was the same for you. "Same."

"This book is actually really interesting though," Tyler said, his voice a little rough like he was fighting emotion. "Like it goes through each month and gives you all this information about all the new things."

"Yeah?" you asked.

"Mhmm...."

"Well, he could be teething but I don't think so."

"Yeah, I don't really either," tyler said, leaning over to kiss Bentley's head, "I think he just wanted to come hang out with us."

"Yeah," you said, thankful that being outdoors seemed to make him feel calmer, much like it did for you and Tyler. "I really, really hope he doesn't get teeth for a long time."

"You hear that bud?" Tyler asked, "Mommy said you're not allowed to get teeth."

"Well, not never," you laughed, "it's just way, way too soon."

"I know," Tyler said, "but you know how advanced he is at everything."

"Oh my gosh," you laughed, "is that why you brought up the whole teething thing? Because you want to brag about him being further along than other babies?"

"Well, not all the other babies, but he's definitely in the top 10%," Tyler said. "And to answer your question, no, I'd be bragging about no matter what he does."

You smiled, Tyler's hand pulling away from yours only to unclasp the dog's leashes, letting them explore the park they'd pulled you into, Tyler leaning his chin against your shoulder to look at the baby.

"Are his eyes open?" You asked, because he'd grown silent, and you'd wondered if the motion had lulled him back asleep.

"Oh, he's wide awake," Tyler said, grinning, and you assumed he was mirroring Bentley's expression back to him. When Tyker bent down to grab a stick for the dogs, you took the opportunity to pull the baby out, turning him around so he could check out what was going on.

"What did you find, Ger?" You asked, because he'd somehow gotten distracted when chasing the stick, his tail wagging as he disappeared underneath a play structure, and you ducked inside to see him digging in the gravel, unearthing a stick which you played tug of war with him for a minute before he darted off with his stick.

"Excuse me, sir," Tyler said from the window opening, "How much is your ice cream?"

"Oh," you said, crouching down with Bentley so you could see him. "$10."

"Ten bucks?" Tyler asked, "That's pretty steep."

"Well, it's artisan," you said, "he's been working on perfecting this recipe his whole life."

Tyler laughed, breaking character for just a moment, casually putting his hands in his pockets. "Well, it does look pretty good...."

"We can give you a free sample so you can try it."

"Oh, free samples?" Tyler asked, and you took Bentley's hand in yours, miming like you were scooping ice cream, handing it to Tyler, and watching as he pretending to take a bite. "It's excellent," Tyler said, licking his lips. "I'll take two scoops."

You went about that process, counting the two scoops and making sure to extend Bentley's hand for the money, Tyler grasping an imaginary cone.

"Om, nom, nom, nom" he exaggerated, a delighted gurgle coming from Bentley, Tyler's eyes brightening. "Om, nom, nom, nom," he continued, a little giggle causing Tyler to learn forward, pretending to eat Bentley's foot until a full-on belly laugh burst through.

"Is he being so silly?" You asked, one more laugh shaking Bentley's body, and then it was you were laughing when Tyler pulled his T-shirt over his face and started running around the park with his arms extended above his head like he'd just scored the game winning goal. In double overtime.

#wont go slowly #Tyler Seguin #tyler seguin imagines #tyler seguin imagine #nhl imagine #nhl imagines #hockey imagines #Hockey Fanfiction #hockey imagine

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shaekingshitup · 5 years ago

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unintended part two

A/N: ALRIGHTY FOLKS! WE ARE BACK WITH SOME MORE ACTION FOR MR. JACKSON! As of now, the face claim for the reader is going to be Keke Palmer

But, if you’re anything like me. All I did was just post a picture of someone who wishes they were you and in this fic with you and Trevor Jackson haha. Whatever floats your boats friends. Please note that echoic memory is a real thing. It just doesn’t work how I described it haha. More like echoic and As always thanks to @glittermakesmesmile for giving me the first feedback and confidence to even post these things. Also big shout out to @twistedcharismaaa who helped me challenge myself to write more even if I don’t feel like it. So, this series will hopefully get some more chapters coming soon!

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW:

Pairing: Trevor Jackson x Black OC

Warnings: NONE

Word Count: approx 2500

HERE WE GO!

^ Jayden’s Song Association Fit

-----------------------------------------------

“Let me take my Black ass to the restroom while we got ourselfs a break. ROCKSY, what’s that cam’ra lookin’ like? We need another battery?”

“We’re good. Jayden, you want a snack?” Roxy redirected at their latest arrival. Jayden tried to sneak a look at the biggest one in the room and failed. He smiled at her. Her glance had caught both of them off guard and it made him feel giddy. It was the most beautiful and natural response she'd received from him-or anyone for that matter- in a while.

“I’m good.” she said hiding her own bashfulness behind her steely exterior. She maintained eye contact with Trevor. Roxy opened up a cabinet to pull out an assortment of Lays and refill the chip bowls that Trevor had demolished when he’d shown up

“ Imma keep tryin. Venmo? Paypal? Zelle? CashApp? Damn, I can get it to you in Bitcoin if that’s what you prefer.”

“How have you done on the game so far?” Jayden again completely ignored his attempts to repay her. She wasn’t concerned about a few extra dollars.

“I’m doin alright so far." He also refused to break contact first "So far Song Association has been the easiest game for me to navigate today.” Jayden blinked and conceded for now. Motivated by his win Trevor strolled over to the living room where she was admiring some of Terrell’s music selection.

“Clever.” she tossed over her shoulder as she reached for a vinyl. In one swift motion, Trevor had taken it from her mid-review.

“Al Green?” He smirked. “ You’ve got taste J. Let me guess.. uh, track 5?”

“What?”

“That’s your single. I see it. No worries though. We can work on that.” he said just as he caught a glimpse of Terrell returning back into the room. Trevor placed the album back in her hands and returned to his stool, readjusting his mic.

“Alright, Mr. Jackson. YA READY?! No more stoppin’ this midnight train to Georgia.” Terrell hollered. Jayden giggled at his silliness as she glanced at the tracklist for Al Green’s Greatest Hits.

Track 5: Tired of Being Alone

Damn he cocky. Jayden thought. At least it wasn’t in an overbearing manner. It was a little endearing. He seems a little goofy. That smile was very telling. But she wouldn’t show that just yet. Sitting back in her audience of one, Jayden watched them continue to play.

“If I gave you the word “Never” what hits your mind?” Terrell asked the singer. Trevor starts going into a Jackson 5 single that Jayden honestly didn’t know. But, she knows that he is DOING IT. Her eyes go wide as his Michael impression is spot on and before she can even register her own body's movements, she's vibing with it. Music always had a way of helping her with her emotions and channeling a less.. “feisty”,as it had been put earlier, connection with herself and the rest of the world. She was moving around in her seat and doing her best not to spill her coffee over herself or her new friend’s floor.

"Oh shit!" she said clamping her hand over her mouth immediately. That was louder than she expected. Especially since it hadn't meant to leave her head at all. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"AHA HA" Roxy guffawed. "I tried to warn you. Don't worry Jayden. We'll fix it in post anyways"

"Jayden you good girl. I had the same reACTion the first time I laid my eyes- I meant my ears on Trevor" Terrell stated taking a very pointed sip from his mug. Everyone knew he'd meant what he'd said the first time and it was causing them all to try not to break into laughter so they could push forward.

"Yeah. Very natural response J. Hakuna matata" Trevor confirmed. Jayden playfully rolled her eyes.

"What's the next word? He's a lil too comfortable" she spoke up.

Terrell nodded at Jayden and refocused on Trevor. "WAY. w-a-y"

Without hesitation, he bursted into song. It was another that Jayden was sadly unfamiliar with.

What is in this man's repertoire?

Soon enough Terrell explained that it was an original off of a project called Rough Drafts 2. At once Jayden grabbed her phone and opened her Spotify app. Creating a new playlist, she glanced up at the boys and locking in on Trevor she came up with an idea. "Thotful n Tired 💭" she titled it. She was adding damn near his whole discography when her ears perked up at the fact that he had an additional 200 unreleased singles on his computer at home. The more time spent in his presence the more the question of "Who the hell is this nigga?" rose in Jayden's mind.

Trevor responded to Terrell all the while staring at Jayden and answering her unspoken question as well.

"So any fans that live in L.A. and you wanna just come and listen to new music not recorded.." he trailed off leaving an open invitation for Jayden and the rest of LA.

He really just said: Come find out

------------------

Jayden was both relieved and saddened when Trevor was finished with his Song Association. In a very short time, she'd learned a lot about this person she'd never even heard of until that afternoon. As his song had promised, he truly had her beggin for more. The way they interacted and the feelings she felt towards him had grown quickly but it was familiar. It seemed as if they'd already done this dance before. Jayden was trying to figure out how to rationalize this to herself but she couldn't. It was the way that she and Trevor had silently held private conversations in a room with others. Even as they were learning one another, a lot of the pieces already seemed to be connected.

Trevor was filming his spot for Terrell’s outro. It took every ounce of restraint in Jayden not to cackle out loud when he said “I think we’re gonna queue the rain right now. Mm hmm. You feel that? This is not a joke. It’s a motion in your ocean.”

Trevor had made her feel a range of emotions in their time together. Jayden had laughed, she’d pondered a topic or two she’d never fully considered, she’d felt sexy and above all else- she felt noticed. Truly seen. It was a lot. But, the girl was a hustler by nature. So, she was keeping up with each curveball that day had thrown at her.

“Imma run to the restroom” Jayden announced. She wasn’t certain why she felt the need to do so. But it seemed far more courteous than roaming through Terrell’s halls.

“Alright we gotta get ready for you when ya done Miss Jayden!” Terrell called out.

When she returned, there was no Trevor in sight. Just Roxy and Terrell. Jayden wasn’t disappointed for them being there. Although she was a little put off that Trevor had exited so quickly and without saying goodbye? She wasn’t about to let that show though. Sure, she really thought she’d felt a connection with him. But, she wasn’t going to let it get in the way of the single calendar event of her year- outside of her birthweek of course.

“My turn?” Jayden asked as she returned back into the kitchen where the green screen was.

“Mmmhhmm” Terrell affirmed “I just gotta follow you to this res’room. I dun broke my damn seal. Plus, we waitin on Trevuh to finish his call.” As if he heard his queue, the front door opened and Trevor came back in.

“Oh.” Jayden let out. Trevor studied her as Terrell turned towards his restroom. Roxy was on the balcony getting some air and making a call of her own.

She was feening her cool, unbothered mask. But that one syllable had given her away. “What? You thought I left?” he asked.

“I mean you were gone. So, yeah.” Jayden said shrugging her shoulders and throwing her wrist back dismissively.

“Huh.” Trevor stared back quizzically. “I can’t do that just yet. One: I don’t think it’s fair that you got to see mine and I don’t get to see yours and two: I still need to figure out a way to make sure we’re even.”

“Ahh. So you’re stayin?”

“I got a little extra time. Plus, this is definitely worth it. But look, promise me something real quick.”

“Yeah, what’s that?”

“Since you’re so gung-ho on not taking back the money which is owed to you. Let me pay my debt another way.”

“What if I like the notion of Trevor Jackson being forever indebted to me?” The smolder he returned to her made her feel that someone had pressed play on Puddles again. But she simply crossed her arms and cocked her head at him. They were in yet another staring contest.

Trevor let a beat pass as he wound up his pitch in his mind. “Aight, how about-

“Okay. I hope ya’ll enjoyed.. Ya break,” Terrell trailed off as he walked in on the tension that occupied the room. Jayden took a small step back from Trevor. She hadn’t realized that they were all in each other's personal space.

“Yup. I’m ready.” Roxy re-entered from the balcony and grabbed the mic Trevor had used earlier that day to affix to Jayden. “Feel okay?”

“It does.” Jayden said. All of a sudden all of that calm she’d felt left her. She was getting the nerves again. She wasn’t certain if it was because of the game she was going to play or the one she’d been entangled in since she’d laid eyes on Trevor. He himself was still trying to figure out this woman. She had a hard exterior and a beguiling sexual energy that he couldn’t detach himself from. When she sat on that stool allowing Terrell to compliment her outfit and introduce herself a little bit, she radiated. She also had a pretty good voice too for a Shits and Giggles winner.

“I’m mad at you” Terrell said.

“Why?” Jayden

“I hear it. I hear that there in ya throat box. You got them vocals.” Terrell said. “Why you hidin?”

“Ohmygod. Hush. I can hold a tune here and there. But I don’t know about them vocals. I don’t know how to control it.”

Terrell squinted his eyes. “I don’t believe it. Sing that song again. Because you got the emotion. I can tell you feel these songs here. You haf’way there but you too worried about sounded perfect. Let that go.”

Jayden was quick to adapt. She took that advice from Terrell and moments later you could hear the difference. Closing her eyes she tried again

Have you ever found the one

You've dreamed of all of your life

Do just about anything to look into their eyes

Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to

Jayden tried her best not to get into her head about fucking up and pushed the nervousness down within her. Because when she became tense it would lock up her voice and she would miss her mark altogether

Only to find that one won't give their heart to you

She exhaled from her nose and smiled because she’d clearly sounded better than the first time

Have you ever closed your eyes and

Dreamed that they were there

Jayden opened her eyes and stopped. She may not have control; but, she knew her limit

“Now I know you didn’t stop.” Jayden picked up some of the liquid courage Terrell had fixed her. Her coffee was long gone by this point. She couldn’t keep the fear at bay. She didn’t want to make that big of a fool of herself today and have her voice crack like a pre-pubescent teen.

Trevor was taking it all in. She was a whole party when put on the spot and she easily gave off a coolness that made you certain to never cross her. She was not one to be played with. But it was obvious that music opened up another avenue to Jayden. Trevor had seen it when their roles were reversed. She was empathetic to the emotions of whichever song he sang.

Her music taste was eclectic as well. She’d come through with country, gospel, r&b, showtunes and she seemed to have every Chicago rapper’s discography down pat. Trevor was genuinely impressed by her ability to copy and paste an artist’s essence into her own. She was fucking up the game and had songs for every word Terrell threw her way.

“RIGHT R-I-G-H-T” Terrell announced. Jayden glanced a look at Trevor and then she gave her undivided attention to Terrell.

Just stand right here

Let me show you what I'm about

To do to that body

And come down here

Let me show you where to touch my body

Let the foreplay begiiiin

Bet you never had this before

Cause once I go iiiiiiin

I'm gone have you begging for more

Boy, I'm talking right now, right now, right now, yeah

Right now, oh

Can we make some love right now?

Jayden laughed and when she’d finished, there was silence. It was like someone had pressed the mute button in real life. Then the room erupted with noise at once

“UH UH”

“hOw?”

“Whoa whoa whoa” all crashed on top of each other.

“What?” Jayden asked.

“WHAT?! This heffa really just said WHAT? TUH!” Terrell hollered.

“Wait. You said you’d never heard of Trevor before,” said a very baffled Roxy.

“Before a few hours ago, no. I hadn’t.” Roxy said. Jayden gave a shrug in Trevor’s direction.

“But you just sang his song?” Roxy asked

“Yeah. Because I heard him sing it earlier.

“You mean to tell me, that you heard this negro sang that song one time half an hour ago and you committed it to your memory?”

“Yes. I have perfect echoic memory. Obviously I don’t always process this in a way where I can duplicate it perfectly. But, I can mimic it pretty close.”

Trevor finally spoke up. “So when you hear something you can pull up that audio in your mind and not only play it back for yourself but you’ve trained yourself to be able to mimic it almost dead ass spot on?”

“Yeah. That’s pretty much it.” Jayden said as if she’d just read rattled off the day’s weather report. “You’re pretty sharp.” The compliment rolled off of Trevor in his astonished state of mind. Just then, his phone vibrated in his pocket. “Damn” he muttered looking at the screen. “Aite y’all, that’s my cue.” I gotta head out. Just as his mother had done, Trevor said goodbye to everyone individually. He saved Jayden for last. “Good luck Jayden. It was nice meeting you. Matter of fact, let me get your info so I can follow up with you to see if you really get that perfect score” He offered his phone out to her with the keypad pulled up.

“Oh, you already know that I came to win today.” she tapped some buttons and gave him back his phone. Looking down, Trevor realized that she’d followed herself on his Instagram account. She smiled but her eyes only said one word:

Checkmate.

---

TAG LIST: @twistedcharismaaa @mygirlrenee @glittermakesmesmile @sarcastic-sunshines @chaneajoyyy @shewrites02 @ghostfacekill-monger @raysunshine78 @shewritestheblues @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @fd-writes @eyeknowmywrites @thadelightfulone @yoyolovesbucky

Imma update my tag list and this fic soon y’all. Hold me to it.

#shaekingspeaks #trevor jackson #black oc #trevor jackson x oc #fics n shit #Terrell Grice #song association

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saturnselkies · 4 years ago

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LISTEN ON SPOTIFY 🌟

Continuation and the final part of the playlist Awakened in Starlight I did ages ago!! I hope you enjoy!! Under the read more is the story. Please do read!!

Thank you for reading and listening, if you do.

ACT I: I could never sacrifice you

1. Sacrifice by Sharon Lyons

A tiny little sacrifice. Her mother would always say, for worlds to turn, some things would be lost among the space between galaxies.

Ouri was young back then, a much tinier dragon, much more impressionable. Now one sacrifice felt like touching a pulsating black hole.

The silver tree bloomed above Ouri. She dug her hands in the golden sand of the cosmos. By her feet the lifeless body of Najwa lied.

“Weaver of Worlds, you must let go.” The leaves echoed through the white room. “Fate beckons you, Scion. It is time.”

Golden magic blossomed on her fingertips and she felt a pang of frightening pain. “I’m sorry, mother. I’m sorry, Silver Tree. I’m sorry, Najwa.”

The room was a golden field, and death became life.

2. Across the Universe of Time by Hayley Westenra

“And the cold, cold wind, it blows me away The feeling all over is a black black day But I know that I’ll see you again And I know that you’re near me”

***

ACT II: I could never forget you

3. Light in Between by Abby Gundersen

Najwa tried to forget. She really did. Tried to leave everything behind. To be forgotten amongst the cliffs of Desert Highlands.

Shame, sadness, anger; they danced underneath her skin every day. Her dreams were plagued with meadows blooming in the sunlight. Songs of ancient times.

Najwa wondered if other Awakened actually dreamed. Or if she had just ended up in a bizarre predicament. One that would forever be a mystery. Unless…

Unless she found Ouri.

Najwa gritted her teeth and patted Toffee’s back to try and distract herself. The summit wildhorn bleated and rested her head above Najwa’s. “Yeah, I know gal.”

4. God Only Knows by RAIGN

“I may not always love you But long as there are stars above you If you should ever leave me Though life would still go on Believe me”

***

ACT III: And so they dance between knives and lies

5. You Have to Let Go by Adam Fielding

“How could you!?” Najwa shouted. Her hands grabbing at Ouri’s Mordant Crescent outfit. A reminder so grim. A reminder so ugly.

“Najwa, I’m not who you think I am.” Ouri was visibly shaking. Forming words had become hard for her.

“Oh you think I don’t know? The display is sickening.” Najwa pushed Ouri against the wall with such force the nearby shelves shook. Ouri simply stood still, her eyes full of guilt.

“No, it’s not that.” She tried to relax her shoulders, but ultimately failed. Ouri knew bringing this up right now would be either an incredibly stupid idea, or completely destroy their chance of ever reconnecting. “I’m just… following a list of things to do.”

“This can’t be serious.” Najwa’s eyes were pure rage. “Was “Awakening” me part of the list!?“

“No… He didn’t do anything to you. I-” She swallowed hard. “I did.”

It took only a second for her eyes to lose the deep hazel color. Replaced by golden shades and cosmic hues. Ouri was the night sky. The far seeing cosmos. Written all over her skin.

Najwa stepped back in a daze. Her mind was a volcano erupting in the middle of the ocean. “What is going on.” Najwa stepped back as further as she could clinging to her scythe. If she still had a beating heart she knew it would have plummeted out of her chest by now.

“Spearmarshal. Najwa.” Ouri paused. And the universe watched them from the corners of the tapestry of time. “The list is what your people call a prophecy.”

The sudden realization hit Najwa like a crashing wave. All those cryptic dreams. All those shades of gold dancing at he back of her mind. The prairies of starlight. All of it. “Am I bound to you!? You did this to me!?”

“N-no! No! I cut the connection. Your will is your own.” Ouri quickly interjected. Panic was taking over her.

“How dare you!?” Najwa’s grab on her scythe was painfully tight. Tears forming at the corners of her eyes.

“If it were not me. It would have been Palawa Joko! I didn’t want that!” Ouri pleaded. Pleaded to be understood between fate and choice. Between golden threads and shadows.

“You…” Najwa’s anger was like a bursting sun. Extinguishing a galaxy before it was even formed. “You are a monster. I regret the day I crossed paths with you.”

A sacrifice. A hole in the tapestry of time.

“I know.”

The birds did not sing that morning.

6. I Cannot Raise the Dead by The Dark Element

“In a time before us We were both someone else And we can be again We both let wrong one in To keep the right one out And now we’re both without”

***

ACT IV: Until tomorrow begins again

7. Heart Lying Still by Nightwish

The Domain of Kourna was even more dreadful than Najwa remembered; she ended up finding an empty building to sit on while the Sunspears were organizing the attack on Gandara.

She kept pulling at her attire. It felt strange to use the Sunspears’ dervish insignia again. But here she was, ready to help destroy the cause of all the pain in her home.

“Mother?” A voice came from the door.

“Yes, Khalida?” she responded lamely.

“Jeez, I thought you’d be happier. Is not seeing your daughter for the first time in eight years a good thing?” Khalida teased her, raising her eyebrow playfully.

“I- No. I’m sorry, hunbun.” Najwa panicked and tried to get up.

“Hey. I’m just teasing. I know all our wounds are still pretty fresh.” Khalida placed her hand over her mother’s shoulder, signalling her to sit back down.

“Yeah…” Najwa said.

Khalida sat next to her and hugged her knees. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Ha. I should be the one asking you that.” Najwa leaned her back against the wall. Her whole body was tense.

“C'mon, Mom. We might all just die in a few hours.” She elbowed her mother and grinned.

“Gods. When did you become so…” Najwa tried to find words to fill the gap of so many years lost. But nothing came up. She knew it would always be something hard to manage. “Never mind. I came to a conclusion. And I don’t like it.”

“Uhhhhh? Yeah? So early in the morning?” Khalida quipped.

She snorted at the comment. “You know, Ouri.”

“I do know her.”

“I might have said some really. Really. Upsetting things to her.” She shuddered remembering the last time they had talked. It was a chilling sonnet in the back of Najwa’s mind. “I was hurting. I still think she had no right to bring me back to life. But…”

“You see her point now?” Khalida said.

“Yeah… Being bound to Joko would have destroyed every fiber of my morals. I am still here. I am still mostly myself.” She looked at her hands and felt a spark of warmth. “I got to see you again.”

“Then you should tell her that,” Khalida simply offered.

“I think I should just let it go-”

“You did that for eight years.”

“And here I thought I was the mother.” She frowned and crossed her arms.

“Things change. I am a Spearmarshal now.” Khalida smiled.

8.To the Moon and Back by Moonlight Haze

“I still love you so bad To the moon and back and I Yes I miss you daily to the moon and back I’d go anywhere now To the moon and back for you Hope my voice will reach you To the moon and back Time cannot heal scars that lie so deep Inside this void of mine”

***

ACT V: I will cling to the heart between dawn and dusk

9. Between the Lines by Felix Räuber

Ouri and Najwa both stood across each other. The fortress sounded eerily silent after Aurene and the Commander had stopped Joko. Only the faint cheers in the distance, from both the dead and the living, could be heard.

Najwa took a deep breath and touched the grotesquely adorned walls. “This could have been my fate.”

Ouri eyes followed the other woman’s form. She bowed her head slightly, avoiding her gaze.

“I don’t know how I feel about everything that happened,” Najwa continued. “I even find it hard to believe that I am here.”

The former Spearmarshal dragged her feet through the tar. The oozing pools reflected her face in such a distorted manner. “Gross. I wouldn’t want to have this inside of me.” Najwa grimaced.

Ouri bit her lip, trying not to chuckle at the comment.

“Are you just gonna let me monologue?” Najwa pouted. “I remember you being a chatter box.”

“You said you wanted to talk…”

“Always a little too literal, are we?” Najwa walked over to Ouri. “It’s just. I… I don’t know how to fix this.”

“Fix what?” Ouri blinked. Her eyes were gold and shining. They contrasted the beautiful dark blues of her skin.

Much better outfit, Najwa caught herself staring at her curves. The essence of the stars painting her body was mesmerizing. Ouri titled her head at the slight pause.

Najwa coughed and tried to re-focus. “Us.”

Tentatively she reached out for Ouri’s hands. They were glowing in a flame-like effect. Najwa could swear they felt like what one would describe as the heart of the universe. Warm, cold, terrifying, and enticing all at the same time.

“The reason. The reason it hurt so much to know what you did. The reason it felt less of a burden if I was just another Awakened is…” She pushed back her tears. And squeezed the other woman’s hands. “Is because. I.”

“I love you.” Ouri cut her off.

Najwa didn’t need to ask. Najwa didn’t need to understand. Ouri was a Celestial. A Scion of a grand river of the cosmos. A life bearer. How could a life bearer leave someone to die. Someone she loved.

Yet disbelief still colored her blushing face.

“You. You love me?”

Ouri nodded.

Najwa should have known that from the first day they met. Ouri had always been a spark. The fountain of the gentle sun. Najwa connected their lips in a rush of emotion. Soft and willing. Somewhat rough and passionate, too. Full of regrets, mistakes, and guilt. Full of joy, love, and forgiveness.

“I love you, too. Gods, I do.”

Dusk and dawn danced together for the first time in a millennia.

10. Forever by Frozen Crown

“Find in light the essence of the night Say forever Forever Till the stars shine on our hearts Tides won’t last Our time is dying fast But this moment, our moment It will shine bright on our hearts”

***

ACT VI: Spearmarshal and Scion

11. Celestial Dreams by Rachel Currea

“So do I get an honorary Celestial membership?” Najwa’s hair sparkled against the wind. The grey tips had become glowing and golden much like her eyes.

“Well… if you want one.” Ouri laughed.

“Yes, I do.” She grinned widely. “Don’t tell the other Awakened, but this is so much cooler.”

12. Night Will Fade by Beyond the Black

“Somewhere beyond this world Far beyond this life Fate will raise our souls out of the past Somewhere beyond this day Night will fade away Will you follow my final words For tomorrow beyond this world”

13. Into a Dawn by Feridea

“I never let go, of my hopes and dreams I never was afraid, the road is free To find a star, to guide me through this twilight fall Into a dawn”

#guild wars 2 #gw2 #Apostle Najwa #Awakened (♢)#Human (♢)#human #awakened #the Astral Ouri #Dragon (♢)#scion #dragon #humanoid form #Khalida Mukantagara #playlist #my writing #stories

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bffsoobin · 4 years ago

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extra long tag game (a guide to all unnecessary knowledge of me)

tagged by: @txtdiaries (ily lana)

tagging: @pxppinstars @txtdream @lavenderlattaes @soobindipity (feel free to ignore if you’ve already done this or just can’t be bothered)

ONE

tell me the first song that made you stan your current fave group and why did your faves attract you so much?

Um okay so I’ll go with explaining BTS and TXT I guess, haha. For BTS it was DNA! That was the first mv I ever saw by them and I was instantly obsessed with everything about it. For TXT, it was obviously Crown since I was keeping an eye on them as soon as BH announced a new group haha. But I initially loved the super bright and happy concept from Crown and they totally got me hooked by their personalities and other music!!

—

TWO

rule: answer the ten questions and write your own!

what’s your unrealistic goal for life?

married by 23, kids by 25...I’m 19 and I’ve never even had a boyfriend so I would be shocked if I actually got this lmao

if you had known that we would be in a global pandemic, what’s one thing that you would’ve done before things shut down (if they have for you)?

Honestly, I can’t think of anything other than spending more time with my roommate who I miss so so much.

what’s an unconventional thing that you carry around with you when you go out?

I wouldn’t usually call this unconventional but right now I’d say my student ID since it’s useless as I’m not going back to campus

favourite type of plushies and why?

I love teddy bears. I have two that I sleep with every night! One is a gift I got for preschool graduation (eloquently named Teddy) and the other is my iron man build a bear that my uncle bought me to cope with Endgame.

favourite song right now?

I am notoriously bad at answering this question so I’ll just say that at the moment I’ve been listening to Red Desert by 5sos a lot.

something that you’ve always wanted to learn?

I’ve always wanted to learn how to play drums and any language other than English haha

tell a funny story about yourself (or just something that you’ve witnessed)

This took way more digging in my mind than I would like to admit but when I saw 5sos live in 2016 my best friend and I had soundcheck, so we got to sit in the venue early and ask them questions and hear a few extra songs. At the time I had beef with Luke Hemmings (because the girl he was dating at the time was one of the most toxic people on earth) and he wouldn’t break up with her. So the girl sitting next to me at soundcheck raised her hand to ask Luke a question so of course he was looking basically right at me. We were like maybe 8 rows back from the stage and at this point in my life I had bright pink hair, so there was no missing me. So this girl is asking her innocent question, and naturally Luke looks around a bit and we make eye contact and instead of fangirling like a normal person, my anger at him boiled over and I ended up flipping him off. The whole band noticed and had to pretend they weren’t laughing at the oddly aggressive 9th grader who flipped off their lead singer. I still feel bad about it to this day lmao but all my friends think it’s hilarious and it’s definitely my go to party story.

headphones or speakers? why?

headphones all the way. Speakers only if I’m showering.

craving any food right now? what are you craving?

Surprisingly I’m not craving anything but that’s because I just ate dinner 10 minutes ago

which music streaming platform do you prefer? why?

Spotify all the way

ten questions (by lana, answered)

1. what is your favorite movie of all time?

This is such a hard question for me. I’m so bad at picking favorites. But I’d have to say it’s sort of a tie between Heathers, Brave and Iron Man 2

2. describe your childhood in three words

Disney, animals, comforting

3. Favorite holiday?

Halloween forever and always

4. Favorite vacation spot?

Disney World! 5.What do you think of the education system? Are you a fellow slave to the GPA?

The US education system has massive holes. I was lucky enough to attend a pretty good highschool and take good classes so I don’t feel like I was as robbed as other people, but there are curriculum gaps and misinformation everywhere you go. As far as college goes, I think it is wayyyy too expensive. Despite that, I still signed myself up for 8 years of debt so yes, I am a slave to the GPA. Gotta go hard for the dream job.

6. What is your hair color? Very light blonde now, normally dirty blonde

7. What talent do you wish you had?

I wish I could draw or paint well so bad. I am so envious of artists.

8. What is your major and why? (If you’re in highschool, what do you plan on majoring in?)

I’m a biology major because I want to become a veterinarian!

9.Do you like kids or do you merely tolerate them? I love most kids. There will always be some awful ones but as a general rule I love being around kids and I definitely want some of my own!

10. Any pets?

Yep, I have five cats!

ten questions from me to you:

who is your favorite non kpop artist?

do you prefer to be warm or cool?

dream job, if you have one?

favorite TV show?

top three celebrities you would sell your soul to meet?

do you believe in ghosts?

cookies or brownies?

do you like where you live?

do you know your personality type? If so, what is it?

do you prefer floral scents or neutral scents?

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THREE

rule: bold the statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations, then tag nine people.

AIR ༉⋆͙̈

i have small hands / i love the night sky / i watch animals and birds when i pass them by / i drink herbal tea / i wake to see the dawn / the smell of dust is comforting / i’m valued for being wise / i prefer books to music / i meditate / i find joy in learning new truths from the world around me

FIRE ༉⋆͙̈

i don’t have straight hair / i like to wear ripped jeans and overalls / i play an organized sport / i love dogs / i am not afraid of adventure / i love to talk to strangers / i always try new foods / i enjoy road trips / summer is my favorite season / my radio is always playing

WATER ༉⋆͙̈

i wear bracelets on my wrists / i love the bustle of the city / i have more than one set of piercings / i read poetry / i love the sound of a thunderstorm / i want to travel the world / i sleep past midday most days / i love simply lit dinners and fluorescent signs / i rewatch kids shows out of nostalgia / i see emotions in colors not words

EARTH ༉⋆͙̈

i wear glasses or contacts / i enjoy doing the laundry / i am a vegetarian or vegan / i have an excellent sense of time / my humor is very cheerful / i am a valued advisor to my friends / i believe in true love / i love this chill of mountain air / i’m always listening to music / i am highly trusted by the people in my life

AETHER ༉⋆͙̈

i go without makeup in my daily life / i make my own artwork / i keep on track of my tasks and time / i always know true north / i see beauty in everything / i can always smell flowers / i smile at everyone i pass by / i always fear history repeating itself / i have recovered from a mental disorder / i can love unconditionally

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FOUR

PERSONAL

name: sara

nickname: sadams

birthday: April 16th, 2001

zodiac: Aries hehe

nationality: sadly, american

languages: only english

gender: female

sexuality: straight

height: 5'2 or 3 I don’t know for sure

BLOG STUFF

inspiration for muse: obviously txt but I pull inspiration from my life, music, TV/movies and other stories!

meaning behind my url: I heavily believe in the idea of alternate universes and I think there’s one where Soobin and I are best friends so that’s what I made my url!

blog established: May of 2020

followers: 568 (how??)

FAVORITES

favourite animals: cats, snakes, raccoons

favourite books: Looking For Alaska by John Green

favourite colour: black, light purple, forest green, deep blue

favourite fictional characters: Spencer Reid (Criminal Minds), Andy Dwyer (Parks and Rec), Leslie Knope (Parks and Rec), Klaus and Ben (Umbrella Academy), Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Bucky Barnes. For some reason I’m blanking on book characters so here are all of my movie/tv faves

favourite flower: Forget me nots

favourite scent: fresh laundry, anything tropical or ocean smelling, basil

favourite season: fall!

RANDOM

average hours of sleep: 7 or 8 usually

cats or dogs: cats

coffee, tea or hot chocolate: hot chocolate

current time: 6:41 pm

dream trip: Australia or SK

dream job: Veterinarian

hobbies: writing, watching tv/movies, shopping, going for walks

hogwarts house: slytherin

last movie watched: 68 Kill (do not watch if you’re under 18 or sensitive, lmao)

last song listened to: Sarah Smiles by Panic! at the Disco

no. of blankets you sleep with: right now two

random fact(s): I love dinosaurs, I have low iron, I’m allergic to dogs even though I work at a doggy daycare

—

FIVE

10 things I can’t stop listening to

stay gold- bts

20 cm- txt

catch fire- 5sos

self- khalid

f2020- avenue beat

nyla- blackbear

everywhere- niall horan

heather- conan gray

red desert- 5sos

eight- iu, suga

#about me #tagged

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agameash · 5 years ago

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Here we go...

Hello all and welcome to my blog, "The A Game". I'm not sure why I decided to start this at 5:30 on a Sunday morning, but here we are...

Right now, I do not know what my blog is going to entail, what I will be blogging about, or anything for that matter (do I even know HOW to blog? O_o). I have no idea; I'm just winging it at this point I guess. Let's just go with it and see how it goes.

We can start off with a little bit about me. So, I'm Ash (hi how are ya?). 30 years old as of the time of this post. Live in Florida (born and raised). Been married, divorced, and married again (that's another story for a different blog). Disney junkie. Gamer. Musician. Child abuse survivor. Domestic violence survivor. Hopeless romantic. Terrible at puns. Socially awkward. Weird sense of humor....let's stop there shall we?

After writing the above, I took a few moments (okay maybe 10 minutes) to think of why I decided to do this blog all of a sudden, and I am going to point the finger at my Spotify playlist along with my current feelings of depression. I'm going to be honest here for a minute and say that for the longest time I have been feeling down on myself. Depressed, anxious, feelings of "you're not good enough" and "why do you even try when no one cares". And the thing is, no one I interact with knows I battle these emotions on a daily basis (umm, well, now you know if you're reading this huh? GG Ash. G. Freakin'. G).

I find temporary relief to my bouts of depression and anxiety by being there for my friends and supporting those who are facing depression themselves. I let my god-awful puns and uncanny sense of humor shine because it makes most of those around me laugh. When I can make those I love and care for smile and laugh, that's all that matters to me in that moment. However, behind closed doors, when all my friends and family have gone to bed and I am left by myself in my Discord channel staring into the pixelated eyes of a Creeper on my Minecraft server while "Break my Stride" by Matthew Wilder plays on my Spotify playlist, I instantly enter the dark abyss of my thoughts. This abyss keeps me awake at night. There are times where I beat myself up, think of my everyday stresses, and there are other nights where I am completely numb and do not feel a damn thing. There are nights where I stay awake in my Discord just hoping and waiting for someone to enter my voice channel and say "Hey are you ok? You're up late, so I wanted to check on you". And there are other nights were I just sit at my computer and get lost in the black hole of YouTube with no feelings whatsoever.

For those that may read this and think "Well Ash, go talk to a therapist. They can help!", I appreciate your concern. However, I do not wish to have one. Mainly because most in my area are psychiatrists that want to simply diagnose me without listening to me and send me out their door with medications that make me feel worse. BUT ENOUGH ABOUT ME FOR MY FIRST BLOG POST HUH?!

I will take my leave on my first blog post with this: The main reason why I mention my struggles with depression is because I wanted to bring to light the importance of checking on your loved ones, especially now during this pandemic we are facing. Now more than ever many of us are stuck in our homes, by ourselves, with no person-to-person interaction, struggling to just make it through the day without having a breakdown. With that said, send your friend a text, call your mom, hop in that Discord channel when you see someone in there alone. Even a simple "hello just checking in to see how you're doing!" suffices. You never know how much it could change someone's life, or even save them. Keep the ones you love close, because this life is not forever, and we only have one life to live.

Peace, love, and positive vibes to you all! Until next time... <3.

----------------------------

Song of the Day:

Unity (Acoustic) - Sapphire (Alan X Walkers)

"Everyone is lonely sometimes, but I would walk a thousand miles to see you rise. You are not alone we are family. Hold me let's escape all this reality."

#blog #new blog #new blogger #what am i even writing #what am i doing

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fyfaenfrancesca-blog · 6 years ago

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Remember: a Lucas x Eliott reunion

Inspired by the song “Remember” by Seinabo Sey, on a rainy Friday evening Lucas feels compelled to return to de Petite Ceinture, and finally face his fears. Or: Lucas No. 1 and Eliott No. 1 are pas peur anymore. Length: 3,288 words

Vendredi, 19H47

“Show me a place… where I could ease my mind…” Lucas could distantly hear a soothing voice singing from the computer somewhere in the darkened living room. He was lying on his side on the couch-turned-bed, face buried so deep into the pillow that one of his ears was currently being deprived of hearing.

It was a step closer to what he wanted, however. To block out the constant noise in his head, to find some relief somehow. He’d been there for the better part of two hours, thankful for the rare treat that the emptiness of the flat he shared with Manon, Mika, and Lisa was. As well-meaning as they were, sometimes their constant presence was suffocating.

Especially now. A week had passed since that distressing night on the barge, and yet Eliott’s delighted face, smiling at him from across the table, was still at the forefront of his mind every waking moment. How blessed he’d felt, seeing that brilliant smile directed at himself…

Lucas turned onto his back, massaging the crick in his neck that had developed from the somewhat uncomfortable position. The ache felt strangely good. Sometimes, he felt like feeling too much made him feel completely desensitized, as counter-intuitive as that sounded.

Without his permission, memories of their intimate moments together, the shared dreams and secrets, light teasing, and loving touches washed over him, as he lay there looking up at the crack in the ceiling. The crack had been slowly growing for weeks now. He wondered when it would finally give. Why couldn’t it make up its mind? Why string yourself along endlessly? It wasn’t something that could just be painted over and forgotten. Once it had started to grow, there was no turning back.

Soon enough the pleasant memories began to mix with feelings of betrayal for being kept in the dark, with disbelief at Eliott’s sudden change in demeanor, with quiet acceptance at just not being good enough for someone to stay, to truly love him. It hadn’t helped to hear his biggest insecurities being reaffirmed by Lucille, who knew Eliott much better than he did, who could surely tell when his feelings were genuine or an expression of mania…

Lucas pursed his lips in thought, absentmindedly noting how horribly dry they felt after all the silent crying he’d been doing. Basile’s unintentional words of wisdom on Monday had changed his perspective somewhat. Apparently, being bipolar did not mean Eliott’s feelings were not genuine, that he couldn’t love, as Lucille had said that night. Was it possible Eliott was feeling everything Lucas was feeling?

An overpowering force within him pushed away this ray of hope, however. Perhaps he was being self-absorbed, but he just couldn’t imagine anyone else feeling things to the same intensity that he himself was at the moment. There was an overwhelming sense of helplessness, of loss. If brokenness is a work of art, surely this must be my masterpiece…

He’d taken Mika’s advice, let himself wallow in the pain by hitting shuffle play on a random Sad Song playlist on Spotify, and just lying there, unmoving. What he wouldn’t do to stop this endless stream of consciousness… Even alcohol hadn’t helped on Sunday; Eliott had still been there, haunting him. At the same time, he knew deep within that it was better to just let the emotions flow through him. It didn’t mean he was ready for it, however.

“Take me to a space… Show me a place...Where I could ease my mind...I will remember you…” the lyrics drew Lucas’ attention all of a sudden. Bizarrely, they seemed to reflect his inner state – the need for some peace, someplace to really quiet his thoughts, to forget the person he always seemed to remember.

‘It’s a haven here. This is where I come when I want to be alone,’ he recalled Eliott saying, as he shared his favourite place in Paris with him. De Petite Ceinture. Lucas was reminded of his past self, a more naïve and hopelessly romantic Lucas, but for once he welcomed the memory. It had just provided him with a potential solution to his internal dilemma, after all.

With some reluctance Lucas got up from his well slept-in place on the couch. How was it that lying around just made him more tired? Through the semi-darkness in the room he carefully padded over to the window. Pressing his hot cheek to the cool glass, he saw that it was night-time in Paris, the street lanterns were on, and rain was softly drizzling outside the living room window. It was a shame, since something inside was calling him to go to the secret spot now, to face his fears and his longing, to free himself of these incessant thoughts and feelings. But apparently it was not to be; he didn’t feel like going out in the rain.

“When the morning comes,” a male voice had joined the woman’s in the background, and with that Lucas resolved to visit the bridge the next day, when the sun was out. It was better that way, he didn’t particularly feel like going there by himself at night anyway. It was a different thing being with there with Eliott; the pure adrenaline of exploring together with someone he wanted to know more about had been enough to quell any fear. But Eliott wasn’t here this time…

A single ding penetrated the quiet of the room, a pause between songs making his own shuffling feet audible as he returned to his resting place to look at his notifications. It was a dark image of some sort, framed by the white of sketchbook paper in a way he’d come to recognise as Eliott’s signature style. Intrigued, as he had not received any contact from Eliott in days (not since kindly asking to be left alone), Lucas turned the brightness of his screen up, in order to better decipher the content of the drawing.

Zooming in, he first noticed an arching structure at the top of the image. The surrounding tree branches, illuminated by far off lights, made it appear the lightest part of the picture, and almost immediately it became recognisable as the place he’d been thinking of moments ago. Scrolling down, he took in a black mass of space underneath the bridge, until, upon further inspection he could make out the faint outline of a racoon sitting underneath it. It looked alone, swallowed by the darkness surrounding it, with no source of light in sight.

Underneath in small, almost unnoticeable handwriting it said, “Eliott No. 1 is afraid.”

As he took in the sad scene, trying desperately to feel indifferent to it, Lucas’ screen lit up again. Another message. It was a drawing of the same scene, and yet now the racoon appeared to be joined by a hedgehog who had his back to the painter. The hedgehog was obviously holding a flashlight, as it fully illuminated the now hopeful-looking racoon sitting a few paces ahead, its ears perked up. The comment underneath read simply, “Lucas No. 1 is not afraid.”

Letting his phone screen grow dark, Lucas fell onto the couch with a heavy sigh. Several songs passed until the same woman’s voice sounded again, this time singing, “Surely, I did not go through all of this for nothing.” For some reason, the following words “Nothing can be loved into something” sounded so monumental, that Lucas suddenly felt compelled to act. It was like he’d just had an energy drink, so renewed was his motivation to visit de Petite Ceinture.

A sense of excitement and trepidation mixed inside his stomach, his heartbeat felt erratic, and before he knew it, he’d texted Manon asking if they had a flashlight somewhere in the flat. He simply needed to return to the place where it had all started, where the secret fascination had blossomed into something tangible and so, so real under the cleansing rivulets of rain.

Lucas waited impatiently, his right foot tapping the wooden floor, running his hands through his hair until it stuck up in all directions. After what felt like forever (but was really two minutes later), Manon replied.

‘Kitchen. Cupboard underneath the sink. Do I want to know?’

Now we moving forward ever, backwards never… And when the going gets rough and life gets tough… Don’t forget to breathe...

Vendredi, 20H27

Some time later Lucas arrived at the gate. His hair was a mess from the rain, and he was out of breath, having ran there, guided by some unknown force. Eliott had given no real indication he was at the Little Belt, and yet Lucas was confident in his intuition. He had to be, otherwise why would all the signs in the universe have aligned to lead him to this moment?

Perhaps a bit too late Lucas realised he had no idea how to get past the gate and onto the path. It had been locked last time, hadn’t it? Had Eliott picked the lock or did he have keys? Either way, Lucas was helpless.

Had he really come this far just to be stopped by a gate? Frustrated with himself he leant back against the entrance gate, only to find himself sprawled on his back. It was open! That had to mean Eliott had been here earlier, and was most probably there now, sitting where the racoon had been in his drawing!

Encouraged by his luck, Lucas let the flashlight illuminate the path, which would otherwise be obscured by the trees. The crescent moon overhead wasn’t providing much illumination either.

As soon as the gate closed behind him, a strange serenity overtook his person. It truly was as though he’d left all the nagging thoughts, the worries that had plagued him for days on end, if not weeks, behind him. Under the safe haven of the trees the rest of the world seemed to slip away. There were no traffic sounds, no nagging voices, only the soft squelch of his footsteps and the gentle breeze rustling the leaves. It may have been eerily quiet for some, but for Lucas these were welcome sensations.

Just meters ahead of him, he could see the bridge illuminated by his flashlight. As he entered the clearing, it felt as though he’d never left, even though it had been five weeks since his first and last visit to the little sanctuary. Taking a moment to breathe in the fresh air, he smiled to himself, recalling with amusement the way he’d thrown himself into their first kiss with all of the restraint of a starved animal.

After his brief moment of peaceful recollection, he quickly scanned his surroundings. A glance towards the spot where he’d expected to see Eliott showed no signs of him. Disappointed but undeterred, Lucas moved towards the bridge knowing that, Eliott or no Eliott, he would face his demons in the dark tonight. Braving himself, he was ready to step into the world of his fears, his unknown future with Eliott being part of that.

Once underneath the bridge he tentatively called out, ‘Eliott?’

Receiving no response he let the yellow tunnel of light rest first upon his right, then his left, seeing nothing but haphazard graffiti. Moments later, having looked at every nook and cranny of the place, with no sign of Eliott, Lucas simply stood still. He took it all in, perhaps for the first time in a really long time. The breeze, the silence where moments before there had been rainfall, the crisp March air, and, finally, the darkness, as he intentionally turned off his flashlight.

For a moment, the darkness was frightening, as his eyes played tricks on him, adjusting to the change in lighting. In the dark on his own, he was taken back to a significant night from his childhood, the moment he’d become truly fearful.

He’d been in his room playing, when the electricity had cut. Alone and frightened of the creatures hiding in the dark, as any child would be, Lucas sought out his mother. Slowly feeling his way towards the living room, where he expected to find his mum, he could feel his heart racing, palms sweating. He’d never had to be this brave before. But it was okay, he’d told himself, soon he would be with mum, and she’d hold him close until the light came back.

But when he finally saw the hunched up form of his mother, and called out to her, she didn’t respond. Lucas was confused. Why was she muttering to herself so strangely? She would occasionally pray, yes, but she’d never ignored him in favour of talking to herself. Plus, wasn’t it weird for grown-ups to talk to themselves? Yann had said so, when their class had passed a homeless man on the street on their way to the museum that one time. The old man had been muttering under his breath, and the other boys had said he must be crazy. Because that’s what crazy people did.

But this was his mum. Surely, she just hadn’t heard him. Stepping closer, he whispered, ‘Mummy, I’m scared. Can you make the dark go away?’ But she had just stared through him with lifeless eyes, as if he wasn’t even there. And so Lucas had had to sit there, afraid, alone, unloved and unprotected in the dark until his father returned from the business dinner he’d been at.

He would later overhear his father shouting at Lucas’ mother about how irresponsible she’d been, how she didn’t care about Lucas. And when his mother replied, saying the Lord had sent her a dream about how darkness would help her see the light, Lucas felt angry. Darkness had only turned out to be a lonely, cruel, scary place and his mother didn’t even love him enough to recognise that. And years later, when he learned she was attending therapy, Lucas had begun associating mental illness with selfishness, with a darkness that would consume the person and everyone around them. A darkness that was resistant to light.

But now Lucas didn’t feel afraid anymore. In fact, the more his eyes adjusted to his surroundings, the better his overall vision was; the more attentive he was forced to be, the more grateful he felt. Images of his mother, who despite the challenges she faced with her mental health, had always tried her best to nurture him… Her being the only person to take him seriously when he’d insisted on wanting to learn piano after hearing “Let It Be” by the Beatles… Her patiently teaching him and crying when he’d performed it for the family…

A lump formed in his throat. After months of avoiding his mother, rejecting her communications, believing her incapable of genuinely caring for him, Lucas felt a tear of relief slide off his cheek. She did love him. How could she not, if she had taken such care with him? She could love him, and so could Eliott, if Lucas would only let him. The light of day and the dark of night were natural parts of life. They were opposites, but neither was intrinsically good or bad. Fear is. Love is. Dark is. Light is. If they went into each other’s world, Eliott and Lucas could brave them together.

“And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me…Shine on till tomorrow, let it be…” he hummed, letting a smile grace his features. He had no idea how long he stood in the darkness underneath that bridge for, but feeling his resentment disappear left Lucas feeling light. He had faced his fears, and tomorrow he would call Eliott. He was not afraid anymore.

Turning back towards the clearing he turned the flashlight on, but let it hang by his side. He had to make it out of the tunnel on his own. Just as he passed the threshold into the clearing, however, he tripped over something. Or rather: somebody.

‘Sorry, I didn’t see you there,’ he apologised instinctively. Weirdly, he wasn’t spooked coming across somebody else by the bridge at night-time. Casting his light towards the side allowed him to view the hunched up form of a boy, a boy he knew intimately. That explained his irrational feeling of calmness.

Eliott had come after all, and consciously or not, sat down in the exact spot he’d drawn his spirit animal in. Despite his sudden courage, at the sight of Eliott’s cheeks wet with silent tears, Lucas felt weak again. They just had so much to say to each other; Lucas had so much to say, and yet, standing before the boy he’d fallen in love with so quickly and unexpectedly, words escaped him. After all they’d been through, what could possibly be good enough?

Sitting there on the wet grass, his knees pulled towards himself, with arms hanging over them, fingers intertwined and nervously shaking, Eliott almost appeared unaware of Lucas’ presence. But that couldn’t be true, since there was a flashlight being shined upon him.

Dropping the flashlight to the ground, Lucas squatted down in front of Eliott. After a moment of stillness, Lucas tentatively reached forward to cup the sides of Eliott’s face, and started tenderly brushing away the tears that marked his skin.

‘You don’t have to be afraid anymore,’ he whispered, resting his forehead against Eliott’s. The other boy remained silent, but Lucas could tell that he was taking in every word.

So he continued, ‘Because as different as the Lucases in all the parallel universes may be, there is not a single one that did not fall completely in love with their Eliott…’ he trailed off. ‘That’s what I believe, anyway.’

At length, Eliott tugged him forward to pull him into an embrace. ‘Je t’aime,’ he heard whispered in his ear. For a moment he almost convinced himself he’d imagined it. But when he pulled back, the brightness in Eliott’s eyes was all the confirmation he needed.

They sat there looking at each other for a moment or two until Lucas let himself drop backwards onto the wet grass, groaning as he did so. ‘My knees,’ he moaned, breaking the silence again. It couldn’t all be like the movies.

Eliott seemed to find this amusing, which secretly pleased Lucas. ‘When you find the man of your dreams, and it turns out he’s secretly an old lady,’ Eliott muttered under his breath, but Lucas could hear him clearly in the silence around them.

‘Excuse me, did you just say I was the man of your dreams?’ Lucas teased, relieved to have revealed the depth of his feelings for Eliott. ‘Was it me you were talking about?’ he asked, shining the flashlight upon his own face.

Eliott was silently watching him, the affection in his eyes undeniable. Lucas couldn’t resist leaning forward, the flashlight still shining upon him from underneath. He closed the distance between them slowly, teasingly, a mirror of what Eliott had done to him in the build-up to their first kiss. Only this time, as the light went off and their lips met lovingly, neither boy had reason to be scared anymore.

Vendredi, 21H27

‘Say it again,’ Lucas whispered into Eliott’s side as they walked back home.

‘What?’

‘Say I’m the man of your dreams.’

‘I’m the man of your dreams,’ Eliott repeated simply.

Lucas sent him a no-nonsense look. ‘True,’ he shrugged, ‘but you know what I meant.’

Eliott stopped walking, and pulled Lucas to stand in front of him. Lucas thought it was fair to say that under the warm street lights his boyfriend looked like an angel.

Letting their noses brush, and foreheads touch, Eliott whispered, ‘You are the man of my dreams, mon petit hérisson.’

#this is the result of a sleepless night #skam france #lucas x eliott #elu #the vendredi reunion #lucas is not afraid of the dark anymore #not poetic cinema #wish it was tho #fanfiction #o helga natt

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