#this song is infesting my mind you dont get it

[medicalunprofessional]

TORE MY TEETH OUT BROKE MY JAW

[theallegedbird]

LITERALLY

Like

For example "6up 5oh (cop out)" IS LITERALLY THAT ONE POLICE EP FROM S5 where Jonny said the disclaimer at the beginning OR or bro c'mon literally "dr sunshine is dead" is about the dark OR "hand me my shovel, I'm going in" is about the buried or I personally connect "Mr. capgras encounters a second-hand vanity: tulpamancer's prosopagnosia/pareidolia (as direct result of trauma to fusiform gyrus)" to the stranger bc he keeps singing "you're trying to replace yourself" which I think really fits and also the song "skeleton appreciation day in vestal, my (bones)" also reminds me of the buried but also a bit of Jane Prentiss/the infestation and the jarchivist himself and also the rot yezyez the rotting too and also the beginning of the song "front street" where he sings about the slaughterhouse and meat...yes It's the flesh and the slaughter!!!!

And bro c'mon will wood is just so bbgirl his songs just fit SO WELL it's almost as if he wrote them specifically for tma

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I'm low-key obsessed with him and I don't even listen to all the songs (I have the entire "everything's alot" album downloaded >I love it really mutch + a few other ones so I hope this counts ❤️)

Have a nice day btw love youuu❤️❤️❤️❤️ (I hope I didn't squish your brain to death with this friggin paragraph I just wrote :'] )

[ID of image in ask: a screenshot of a caption of a tumblr post by theallegedbird that the ask is responding to, it reads "memento mori- will wood, i can and will find a way to relate every ww song to tma istg". End ID]

NO LITERALLY,, YOU ARE SO RIGHT

kind of got carried away so um. long post

completely agree and feel the same about 6up 5oh cop out, dr sunshine is dead and mr capgras

6up 5oh cop out to me especially could be linked to daisy and the guy you mentioned as well as the hunt as whole because of both of them being heavily tied to and criticising the police/police brutality

warning for discussion of eds in this paragraph

skeleton appreciation day for me is the flesh,, dont get me wrong i can see your ideas too but i always interpreted the song as being about eds and negatively/unhealthily watching your weight in order to achieve "the perfect body" by society's standards; by being skinny,, "tell me you can see my bones" , "to cut down on my silhouette" and the whole end dialogue, so that fits into the flesh for me considering another situation of someone wanting the "ideal body" is something that is discussed in a flesh statement (mag90-bodybuilder), but i can see some themes in the song that can could be corruption, plus both the flesh and corruption are pretty closely linked at times (and smirkes system is just inaccurate to begin with)

dr sunshine is dead is as you said the dark to me,, in the sense of someone maybe becoming an avatar (song starts with narrator afraid of the dark/not knowing and ends with them embracing it) but also could be seen as the stranger or even spiral because of its themes (like most of ww's work) involving identity and the self

for hand me my shovel,, may i propose it is also s2 jon coded. very s2 jon coded. it is very much his paranoid need for the 'truth'. do you. do you get me

id also like to propose some other ww songs that are also extremely tma coded,, to me

blackboxwarrior!! ok stick with me but yknow that one dialogue bit that starts "hello, welcome. why don’t you take a seat?" that whole section. thats og elias and jonah in elias' interview. do you see the vision. its them. i always take it as jonah being the narrator when looking at this song with tma in mind,, with the "you’ve lost your mind and almost lost your life before, so you’ll be fine" and "for what it’s worth if it was going to kill you, boy, it would have by now" being directed at jon. please say im not insane for this i. i listen to this song a lot.

on the topic of jon and jonah your body my temple. because. because hes using jon as a pawn,, "your visage my visions" (i know this songs about sydney and elijah ch&t but can be tma too. if you think about it)

again with jon and jonah (i despise jonah and the godforsaken thing that is jonelias but their dynamic is so interesting) laplaces angel,, dont know how to put this one into words but do you Get It,, could be both or either of them really,, certain lyrics include: "it doesnt take a killer to murder it only takes a reason to kill", "the difference twixt fate and free will is whether youre singing", "whatever you think of me, if you were in my shoes, youd walk the same damn miles i do"

against the kitchen floor could also be jmart,, especially these parts: "i just havent learnt to be as human as you are yet", "i still dont know who you are, only that im still lonely", "apologizing for my life and ever entering yours" "im not a good person, im barely a person at all"

cicada days,, jon. jon coded. i really want ro make something with especially the in case i die live show version bc it just fits. so well. "it just feels inhumane to lose this much", "let all my red flags fade to white yeah i give up", and biggest one to me "here at the end of days, my god what have i done?" as in mag160,,

cotard's solution is the stranger,, again with the identity

there’s more but i’ve just realised how long this already is so ima leave it there

pff sorry for hijacking your ask but i’m a sucker for media analysis and any opportunity to do that with not one but two of my special interests causes me to black out and the autism to take over <33

also you’re so real for everything is lot,, favourite album

have a great day or night :D

[thedndgoblinwholivesinyourwalls]

hiiii larkkk its me againnn i just wrote another poem instead of cleaning my room...

its about adele. from josh pov. i made myself sad writing it. he needs a break ):

also uhh, slight headcanon that i dont know if its actually a headcanon or smth youve mentioned but forgo9tten that it was YOU who said it, but!! the earrings that josh wears were given to him by adele ! originally a matching pair but adele stopped wearing hers.

also dont mind the references to the moon will sing; i just literally cannot think about josh without thinking about that song OKAY

idk why but this one is longer than the last one.... ending here is Weak but its fineeee

---

I hate it when the doubt sneaks into the edges of my mind. It's right there, just out of my reach, twisting and insidious, a ravenous parasite.

It whispers to me: “Does she really care?” “Does she see me for who I am?” “Would it matter to her if I were anyone, anyone else?”

It's harder than it should be, to not let its words convince me. Why else would you stick with someone like me? After all these years, and all you've done, you're still here with me.

Its words are like a rot though. A decay that snakes its way through my mind, through every shaky smile, hesitant nod, every time I never say what I think. They corrupt me leave me doubting what you say.

I wish it were that sort of parasite, one that's easy to get rid of. A simple pill or medication, a well-placed word, and it's gone; I'm whole again when I look at you.

And then you smile at me. Slip a pair of earring in my hands, the moonlight glinting off yours. “They match,” you whisper. Match with the necklaces that bind us together, with the pair that you too wear.

I take out my own earrings. I put the new ones in. Another part of me that belongs to you, is now a thought that I think with love instead of dread.

It appears that I've forgotten, as the parasite leaves and takes its rot with it, that maybe it is that simple. My hands don't shake as much when I talk to you now. Just how it used to be.

And soon, when you take your earrings off, and the conversations go cold again, it will return. The ground of my mind is ripe yet again for its infestation.

I don't think about it, as I fiddle with the metal in my ears. I know that in the end, you love me.

I AM IN THE HAIRDRESSERS RN SITTING LIKE THIS WHAT. OH MY GOD??? JOSH. HONEY. LIMEE. LIME BELOVED OH MY GOD AUGH

ITS SO GOOD WHAAAT-FALLING TO THE GROUND WOAHH FINALLY GOT TO RESPOND TO IT I READ IT IN CLASS AND SAT THERE WITH SHOCK ON MY FACE/POS THE HC ABOUT THE EARRINGS IS SO TRUE ITS CANON NOW OMG

i will also be drawing something with this poem shdhjshdks lime limeeee

@koymoa (friend who knows these ocs) GET OVER HERE LOOK AT THIS WHAT/POS

[pennyparsnip]

I feel like delulu posting my 2012 Once-ler/ Greed-ler headcanons, so here you go:

The Greed-ler Suit

Is made out of truffula/ is a thneed and absorbs all the filth in the air. That would be why the Once-ler is the only clean looking thing by the end of the movie. What makes me think this? Because we see when he gets rotten tomatoes thrown at him in the beginning of his thneed selling journey, the thneed is able to get the tomato completely out of his vest and shirt (which are 2 different materials). This is the same thneed we saw him use to soak up a cup of water and mop his floor just before he set out to sell them! He also wore this thneed on the walk to Greenville, so that thing was full of sweat too when it cleaned those tomatoes.

The greed-ler suit being a fancy thneed being green would just go to further show their versatility! "Look at this! They can even be dyed to be an unnatural color!" it would portray! He would be a walking advertisement.

Would smell so bad by the end of the movie because of the water pollution lol. Ain't no damn WAY that once the water is that polluted, ANYONE is able to have clean laundry, let alone people who have garments that need special care. I know I sure didn't see any infrastructure to properly care for the water! Just what they needed in order not to look at the shloppity-shlop. So, if the greed-ler suit is made of truffula, there is no way at all that it doesn't need special laundering. Do you think that could be done without clean water? I don't think so!

When it is properly laundered and cared for, the Once-ler smells like butterfly milk because thats how truffula tufts smell. As the suit falls into disrepair, the smell would start to get sour like curdled milk.

Is hand made. You can NOT tell me he didn't make that suit and the gloves himself. You can see by the end of the movie that the lines on the suit are starting to look jagged and not quite right when, in the beginning, it didn't look like that. The more suits he made, the less he was able to hold it together, and the less he cared about what he was doing. I think it's meant to show he got sloppy and uncaring with time when he used to be so passionate and care deeply about what he did and what he put out into the world.

The Once-ler was treated poorly by his family because of his natural affinity towards recycling/ nature

Okay, hear me out. Hear me out!!

When we first see the whole family, what is the most notable thing about the environment around them? It's dead. Every inch of the environment around that family home is dead. But as we follow the Once-ler while he leaves home, we see the environment brighten up and become livelier! The further he is from home, we dont just see him relax and become more alive, we see the whole ecosystem start to thrive (personally, I think the scenery we see him traverse is meant to be places that the family has already been and devastated, but thats just one of my "source: I made it the fuck up" ideas lol! In the book, we get the lore that the Once-lers hop from place to place as the environments they infest can't keep up with them.).

So, with that in mind, think about the way he behaved immediately when he found the truffula trees; he was immediately filled with wonder! He called it beautiful and was moved to tears nearly! He broke out into song ffs. When he was approached by the animals, he was friendly and sang with them! We saw him mindlessly fling his stuff around, but as soon as he realized, "Oh maybe I should reign this in. They didn't like that!" he did! He started learning to live with the animals and in the environment before the Lorax got involved. You can't tell me that the face he makes when he sees how happy sharing his marshmallows with the forest critters wasn't genuine joy. That man loves the forest, and you can not tell me he wasn't doing his best, considering he had no knowledge to build off of when he got there.

When his family comes, we get to see their first impressions of the truffula trees, and it was with disgust, disrespect, disregard, and disassociation in that order as his family got out of the RV. Their reactions are literally not only the opposite of the Once-ler's, but it was directly oppositional to his reaction. The family came in an RV (which is the first pollutant to the forest) and parked WAY too close to the Once-ler's camp; they overshadow him and the environment both literally and metaphorically when they show up. They're throwing the bears, bending the trees, trying to fist fight the forest guardian... they're showing none of the care that the Once-ler was naturally inclined to show. Any time he talks to his mom, his face is shadowed, or he isn't the focus of whatever the shot is. Hes not only not like them, hes not equipped to deal with knowimg that he is not like them, and hes also not equipped to deal with them knowing that he isn't like them.

Once-ler details I noticed that make me giggle and kick my feet

(I need to be sent to a psych ward lol)

His blanket is not just handmade. Oh no. We see he has his baby blanket sewn into it!!! He even picked a thread color that matches both fabrics. But.. the baby blanket is sewn on crooked. This makes me think that this blanket he made was probably a first project or when he was a beginner! Pulling from personal experience with knitting/ sewing, blankets are a very common project for beginners.

He fixes his guitar after that one asshole kid smashes it. We see that the guitar is visibly broken at the beginning of How Bad Can I Be when it was fine before that. After the thneed finds success, the first brand new thing we see the Once-ler buy is a new guitar that looks like his old one that the asshole kid smashed, and he DESERVED THAT NEW GUITAR!!!

We see that he brought those 2 giant bags of marshmallows with him from home. If he didn't set out to the truffula forest and didn't know to expect the animals to love the marshmallows... you're gonna tell me he didn't bring those marshmallows for himself? I don't believe you. He brought those big ass bags of marshmallows because he loved them, and he didn't know when he would be seeing them again. Which makes it even more sweet that he was so willing to share!!!! I will absolutely not be accepting criticism about that!!

He made a table, a chair, and a pitcher out of the trunk of the first truffula tree he chopped down. We can clearly see all 3 of them in the scene when the family first shows up. They are all patterened exactly the same as the truffula trees. So that means he used the whole entire tree, including the fruits, because if he didn't cook with it, the animals would eat it.

My sources are that I have a hyperfixation and that I feel it in my heart, bro

[theshadowrealmitself]

obsessed with the Vulcan partner trying to sleep but their human thinking deliriously bc they are sleepy and so it leads to the craziest dreams (i think vulcans do dream but they dont often bc they meditate so they don't need to have their subconscious regulate their thoughts/emotions so mostly when they dream it's very simple like maybe just an image or something) so their human partner will be drowsily thinking about roach infestations and how would that work out in a spaceship and oh they should get a cat but that's for rats right but it would be cute and you could name them after your mutual friends who introduced you two or would that be insulting and then their dreams are filled with giant roaches dancing to the piña colada song and their coworker Steve in cat form but with a human face saying dancing is fun.

Anon I am so glad this resonated with you and you are so right

It was inspired by me, lying in bed at 2 am, trying to drift off to sleep, but my brain wouldn’t stop beaming the weirdest shit into my thoughts, and it kept startling me back into being more awake (I forget what the thoughts were but yeah there was definitely something dancing that Should Not Have Been Dancing™️ at some point)

Just think about that as the Vulcan partner, you’re about to slip off to sleep, pressed against your partner, and right before you can, they accidentally beam over a random thought of a penguin rotating while saying “hamburger” in a v deep voice along with the feeling of slight distress that they can’t get the penguin to stop rotating cause they’re so tired their mind won’t listen to them, so now you’re more awake, staring at your partner in confusion

God imagine explaining to a species that has such control over themselves that sometimes you get too tired and your thoughts don’t listen to you 😭

[aretrothing]

haii i need to listen to more tmbg, what are some songs you'd recommend if you dont mind me asking?:3

not at all!! my brain is literally infested with the johns rn if you haven't been able to tell i've only listened to 7 out of 23 albums however, and only a few songs from post-2000, so i'm biased towards their 80s/90s stuff :)

my favourites: the statue got me high, birdhouse in your soul, ana ng, don't let's start, till my head falls off and reprehensible special mention to the entirety of flood as that album is a complete bop and very much worth a listen all the way through

tmbg being tmbg songs: violin, older (long tall weekend version), shoehorn with teeth, particle man, MINIMUM WAGEEEEEE, put your hand inside the puppet head, exquisite dead guy

if you want sad/creepy, come here: they'll need a crane, i've got a match, careful what you pack (originally written for the coraline film)

other ones which slap hard: dinner bell, the guitar, where your eyes don't go, you probably get that a lot, man it's so loud in here, a self called nowhere, cowtown, i palindrome i

while these are all songs that i personally like off their albums, the albums themselves are very cohesive (in general) so it's well worth giving them a listen all the way through to get the full experience i'd reccomend starting with early stuff if you did that (pink album, lincoln, flood) as their sound changes a lot and you can track them easier that way, but you can probably start anywhere if you wanted to

apologies that this got so long - i'm incapable of shutting up about tmbg at the moment

[feralghxuls]

OHHH MAL GETTING INTO KATATONIA ERA???? FUCK YAH

mal you HAVE to listen to dead end kings that album rewrote my brain chemistry for real

immediately followed by dethroned and uncrowned, which is a rework of dead end kings with much more acoustic/instrumental leanings

great cold distance is my other favorite album, sort of ghost vibes imo (more of infest vibes i would say)

like comet said they're not typically as upbeat as ghost is but i really love them

ALSO did Not know per wrote the guitars for lethean or that he did backing vocals for last fair day gone night!!! what!!

specific songs i want to recommend based on what you said about liking more musically rich songs:

def seconding the racing heart, that's probably one of my favorite songs from dead end kings

from great cold distance: Soil Song, Consternation

I would also recommend Funeral Wedding, it's from one of their earliest albums when they still did rough vocals (if that's not your thing i understand) but oh my god the instrumentation is SO fucking good. on that whole album tbh but especially Funeral Wedding

if you want to feel secret shrimp emotions listen to the album Sanctitude. it's a live album and there's so much emotion in all the songs, particularly: Ambitions, Teargas, One Year From Now, The Racing Heart (ft Jonas mentioning per leaving when he talks at the end😭), Day, The One You Are Looking For Is Not Here

and if you like symphonic orchestra, you GOTTA listen to The Great Cold Distance Live in Bulgaria w/ the Orchestra of State Opera. so fucking good. i lost my mind

@askingforthesun tagging you in case u dont see this >:3

Comet I have come to you for wisdom - what do you recommend to me as a starting point for Katatonia, as someone who enjoys Ghost and similar music but has trouble getting into something completely new unless it's similr to something I already like?

Hi, Mal. I'm so glad you asked!! I have some thoughts, for sure. First, it really depends on what parts of Ghost you like best. Katatonia is most similar to Ghost crunchier, moodier stuff, but not as "fun". Katatonia has this undercurrent of melancholy in every single song, where Ghost always feels sort of "upbeat" in their own way. So it's hard to suggest similar things because they just...do not have the same vibe. All of that being said, I absolutely have some suggestions. The album City Burials feels the most Ghost-adjacent to me. Especially songs like Behind the Blood, Winter of Our Passing, and Flicker. But The Great Cold Distance is my favorite Katatonia album--for whatever that's worth.

I also have to recommend (because it's the law): Lethean (Guitars written by Per) and Decima (It's the Born Under A Troubled Sign song :-)). And lastly: Last Fair Day Gone Night it's a full concert. That's the link to the concert video but you can also just listen to it on Spotify. It features a selection of some of their best older (pre-2011) songs and has Per on backing vocals. It's a beautiful concert and has a good mix of what their standard sound is. Happy listening! Feel free to talk/ask more about them any time.

[plushfuckerbait]

really dont like to reblog about real world issues - economy, politics, real events and the like on here, like to keep this place stress-free so am sorry for the little bursts of doing so lately

if you're confused about my socio-economic/political leanings here's some quick insight from someone who doesn't live online:

abolish the concept of prisons as the US knows them, mental health facilities taking their place is a much better option

universal health care + income = <3 nobody should ever be homeless under any circumstance, the entire homelessness issue in the US right now is a war on the lower class, non-white people, queers and their ilk

care for addicts the way you care for anyone else regardless of their addictions . if you don't solely for the fact that they've addictions, or even more so if you're a "they did this to themselves" chump, fuck you figure your shit out and maybe drop acid some time with people who actually care about other people on a base level, you'll learn a lot about the world

shoplifting rules, do it at your local grocery store, especially with inflation they can take the losses . just practice safety with it . self check-outs are your friends, be bold, not shifty, if you lose your nerve, just accept the small loss and try again next time

as for queer issues, fucking let people live, let people take multiple identites . if they're queer they're queer they're not stepping on anyone else's teritory. looking at you bi/pan lesbian exclusionists. the online queer community had this song and dance years ago with ace/aro people "not truly being queer", it's just regurgitated terf rhetoric, don't let it infest your mind, be good to your fellow queers even if you don't understand them .

if you have any other questions - i'm not very smart but i'll try and give you any info that will make you more comfortable, but if you come at me with hostility get bent thank you 💖

PS - KEEP YOUR FUCKING CATS INDOORS IF YOU DON'T SUPERVISE THEM. FOR THE SAKE OF THE ECOSYSTEM AND THEIR HEALTH. PLEASE FOR HTE LOVE OF GOD.

[violetnotez]

fic or whatever concept: fushiguro is in love w the reader but they have a huge crush on yuuji and it’s just megumi suffering as the reader and yuuji get together and they’re actually really,,, happy??? and in love???

This is the shit I LIVE FOR -also I made a whole playlist for this idea-you can watch the vid here!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Megumi x reader (not really?), Yuuji x reader

Songs to Listen to: Treat You Better (but the Kurt Hugo version, seriously, thank me later!)

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Maybe if he had tried harder, this wouldn’t have ended up like this. He just felt alone, empty, with nothing to show but a broken heart and head full of bitter dreams.

Did he fool himself? That maybe, some miraculous way, he would have won?

Megumi lay on his bed, worn sweatshirt making his skin crawl and his black sweats uncomfortable to wear, his toes curling from disgust.

Nothing could get his mind off of you, even months after you started dating Yuuji.

 It almost got worse, now that you were off limits.

Funny how it works like that.

His brain seemed to just always want to think of you-the way your voice seemed to sparkle when you yell out his name, the way you look too damn cute when you’d walk out of your dorm room in the morning, hair messy and feet bare-

Fuck fuck fuck.

Megumi groaned, placing a hand on his forehead and smoothing his hair back in exasperation.

You weren’t his, and you’d never be his-he shouldn’t be thinking of you like this. You were dating his best friend after all-didn’t he have any shame?

Even though he was in so much heart ache, so much pain from the fact he couldn’t have you.....he couldn’t ever hate his friend from taking you away from him.

Yuuji was good to you, and painfully, he had to admit Yuuji was better than him in every way as a boyfriend.

Yuuji was sociable, able to strike up a conversation and make everyone feel like his best friend-Megumi wasn’t like that.

Yuuji wasn’t afraid of physical touch, constantly having a hand on your hip to keep you near him or swinging you around lovingly like he hadn’t seen you in years- he was terrified of physical touch.

Yuuji was strong, powerful, and able to protect you from the world- he couldn’t say the same for himself.

Megumi’s insecurities were infesting his body, gnawing at his bones, squirming through his muscles and into his skin, making his jaw clench and nails dig deep into his skin from disgust within himself.

Why hadn’t he at least fucking tried?

But he had been too placid, too worried of rejection, too worried of ruining your friendship-

But then again....he was just too selfless. He was willing to let everyone around him surpass him if it meant they would win, thrive, and live happy lives- even if it meant he had to suffer the consequence.

Megumi squeezed the white sheets around him, twisting them into tight spirals around his digits.

He let it happen again-he had succumbed to that fear.

Years worth of affection, years worth of admiration and dedication-washed away like it never happened., because of it And now he was dealing with the repercussion with phantoms of what could have been, with the jealousy, and a broken heart.

Megumi shifted in his bed, feeling his sweatshirt stick to his back, his hand reached out to grasp at the white beams of moonlight drifting into his room.

What would have happened if he had said no that day? Would anything have changed-if he had admitted that he did like you, that he had wanted to call you his?

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

He remembers that day like it was yesterday, that feeling of dread filling in his stomach as if he knew something was about to change, the shift of energy making an icy chill run along his back.

Yuuji has been behind him, leaving training as they usually do with his hands in his pockets.

It was quiet, the hallways empty except for the two of them, the wooden floors making soft clicks as it reacted to their footsteps. It should have felt peaceful, a soft breeze fluttering in from the opened windows as the sun began to set outside. But that errie sensation was still boiling in Megumi’s gut, that gnawing feeling of dread making him unable to enjoy the peace.

“Hey man, I wanted to ask you something real quick,” Yuuji’s voice stopped Megumi in his tracks, his feet halting with an echo in the empty corridor.

Megumi turned around slowly, tentatively, almost too worried to face what was behind him. 

Maybe at this time he knew what was about to happen, the feeling of dread settling.

“Sure,” he simply stated, shrugging nonchalantly as the golden sun set the room in a red hue.

“This might be a little personal,” Yuuji began, hands placed in the pockets of his sweatshirt still, “but I got a question about y/n.”

Yuuji looked at him, staring him down like two men in a duel. He was serious, more serious than Megumi had seen him in a long time.

“I know you guys are pretty close...”

“Yeah, I guess you could say that.” Megumi stated, swallowing a ball of saliva down his dry throat.

“Well, I-“ Yuuji sighed, pink hair swaying as he looked down at the floor quickly, almost preparing himself for what he was about to say next.

“I-I wanted to ask them out.....out on a date....”

“- it okay with you?”

Megumi’s eyes widened in shock, the his whole body feeling as if hit by a ton of bricks from Yuuji’s words.

This was it-the worst case scenario, the worst thing he knew was happening but didn’t want to admit.

Megumi tried to recover quickly, his eyes slanting back down to unamused slits in a matter of seconds.

“Why are you asking me?” he questioned, trying to keep the growing panic inside him at bay,” It’s not like I dictate who she dates.”

“I think you know why.”

“I don’t.”

“Fushigoro-“

Megum sighed violently, eyes looking up at the ceiling as he tried to fight the growing pain in his heart.

“I don’t dictate your life-I don’t dictate them-and you don’t dictate mine. Do whatever the hell you want-“

“I won’t date them unless you say it’s okay for me to Fushigoro.”

Itadori’ voice had none of that boyish, playful tone to it. It was more mature than Megumi had even heard it-but something behind it was different.

It was almost like there was this desperateness to it- Yuuji needed him to say yes. Yuuji so badly wanted to call you his-just like him.

“You can say no-“ Itadori rushed on, eyes intense with anticipation, “-I won’t think less of you or hate you for it.”

Megumi watched as he shuffled uncomfortably, the knowledge that he just admitted his crush making him slightly sheepish as he scratched the back of his head.

“Hell, I know I would-” he said truthfully, “ I just don’t want to ruin our friendship by going behind your back.”

Fuck, Megumi wanted to fight for you. He wanted to so so badly.

Megumi had known you for longer, you two were close friends, he had a connection to you-didn’t he deserve to be yours after being so dedicated to only you?

Fushigoro was there for when you cried over your stresses, rubbing your back patiently as you let everything out of you, summoning his animals because he knew how much they made you happy.

He was there for your late night study sessions, the lighting hazy as the pouring rain pounded on the window, cleaning up your room of the papers and flashcards after he convinced you to go to sleep.

He trained with you when you worried you weren’t strong enough, always making sure to congratulate you in someway, fighting the redness in his cheeks after you had successfully completed a new move, your skin dangerously close to his.

God, he had waited for so long-why did the world have to fuck him over? Why did his best friend, out of all the people in the world he could form a crush on, like you like that?

But looking at Yuuji, he knew he wouldn’t win this war. Him and Yuuji were very similar in their passion and devotion, but the simple difference between them was Yuuji wasn’t afraid to be selfish.

Megumi was accustomed to backing down for everyone, sacrificing himself so the people he loved could succeed. It was an awful habit of his, maybe due to his insecurities, maybe just a routine he learned at this point, he would never know- but the fact was he knew that Yuuji would never stop fighting for you. Even if Megumi screamed at him, cursed at him, told him to fuck off and leave you alone-Yuuji wouldn’t ever stop loving you. Itadori would respect Megumi’s wishes, but he would still protect you, fight for you, and love you with everything in him.

And that much devotion coming from someone as charismatic and kind like that-what person wouldnt fall for that?

Megumi sighed, his heart breaking in two at the sudden realization hit him-he was too weak to be any threat to Yuuji.

”You’re not going behind my back.” He finally said, looking down at the floor as the self loathing boiled in his stomach.

“But you-“

“I don’t. Like them.” Megumi was seething, hating every fiber in his body for doing this to himself. Each word was choppy, the sentence laced with sternness and bitterness.

“-Do whatever the hell you want.”

Megumi needed to leave, and leave quick. He hadn’t felt this emotional in a long time, and he didn’t want Yuuji to start thinking that he was actually bothered by all of this.

He turned on his heel, ready to get out of there as quickly as possible-

“Hey Megumi- you really okay with this? This won’t change our friendship? I won’t do this unless youre okay-“

Yuuji took a step forward, hand reaching out to his friend as a peace offering, a sheepish smile on his lips.

Megumi turned, his chest tightening as he looked down at his hand, too tired to reach out for it and pretend like he didn’t hate his friend at this moment.

“They dont like me. They like you- I see it. You’ll make them happy, and that’s all I want for them.”

Yuuji smiled , seemingly content with his quiet friend’s answer.

“Thanks man,”

Megumi turned again, head hanging low as he quickly left the corridor, desperate to get out of there.

“Tell me thank you when they say yes.”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

He groaned, letting the painful memories overtake him as he turned his back to the wall.

It just hurt-maybe he would get over all of this one day, but right now he couldnt.

As if on cue to deepen his torture, he heard a giggle from you across his room, the muffled noise of Yuuji’s voice making him cringe.

Thin ass walls-you were probably visiting Yuuji again for the night, staying up all night to watch movies.....

This was destroying him-but he couldnt ever blame you for it, because you were oblivious to his love for you. He had made sure you would never catch on- and now you would never know because he was too cowardly to ever say it. 

God, what he’d do to have the roles switched though...with you breaking school rules to come visit him at night, to here that sweet laugh in his room, to feel your head cuddle into his chest, or see you slowly begin to wake up in the morning....

Megumi felt a pain in his chest at the wanting feeling that would never fully be satiated gnaw at his chest, his hands despertedly grabbing at his pillow and shoving it against his ear.

He didnt want to hear you, he didnt want to see you...at this moment he didnt want anything to do with you or Yuuji. 

This hurt too much...

Fuck, he really screwed up.

[this-is-ally-and-im-confused]

hihi allie !! i hope you're well, i thought the ships thingy was pretty fun so here i am :)

team: nucks or umich, you can choose !

personal style: i have no idea— its a mix like sometimes i wear baggy clothes like sweats and an oversized shirt and then other times im really girly and like getting dressed up

ideal date: i dont have one 😭

you've got a lot of wiggle room with this, sorry im not very detailed.. but thank you and i love you !!

- riri <3

Aww love ya too Riri!

Ok ok…I ship you with Quinn Hughes. He seems like a dude that values being comfy. We know that your love for him runs deep, and I 1000% could not see me shipping you with anyone else (although Bords or Briss definitely infested my mind for a hot minute). He would literally love when you dress for comfort because he does the same, but he would also love taking you out.

*Ally decided to use her dream first date*

Quinn and you had planned a road-trip. Seeing as the two of you have been best friends for months, it only seemed natural to take a fun trip together as a first real date.

The two of you were driving up the coast, listening to your shared favourite songs, and driving with the windows down. It was a sunny day and the two of you had nowhere else in the world you wanted to be.

“Wanna get lunch, we can get fast food?” Quinn yelled over the music.

Instantly, you become aware of the slight rumble in your tummy. Fast food sounds amazing!

“Yea Quinner, wanna get Tim’s?” You ask.

He shook his head no. The two of you had an onrunning joke about never agreeing where to eat.

“McDonalds or i kick you out.” Quinn stated.

You poked his stomach and he swatted your hand.

“You’re re lucky it’s the off-season, coach would kill you.”

“–and you’re lucky that your cute.”

You stuck your tongue out at him and he replied the exact same way. The whole time you both felt like little kids. It was such an awesome start to the trip and the relationship.

*mini hughesboards *

[bean-pole-art]

Ed’s Borderlands Fics Masterpost

well finally

here is the masterpost of all of my Borderlands fics posted. most of them are Rhysothy focused to various AUs. I’m gonna update it as I post more but here it is, along with some of my commentary

right from the start big big BIG shoutout to @spoks-illogical-art​, my partner in crime, my biggest inspo, without them honestly most of these fics wouldn’t exist, please check out their amazing art <3

(latest edit - 21/02/2021)

Atlas AU - our main timeline, follows events of Moxxi’s Heist. lots of different concepts and ideas but the core really is Tim moving to Promethea to get help from Rhys. gonna sort em here with posting date, check the ao3 series for the “timeline”

Hypothetically - 2240 words summary: Rhys talks a lot, but usually thinks about it too little.

coffee, cats & monographs - 2880 words summary: “Hey hey, easy. You don’t want to repeat the accident from last week, do you?” Rhys cooed towards the cat and picked her up, just as Timothy instructed him to. Hearing these words, Felicity meowed. “Oh, don’t say that. This is my office and I have the power here,” he answered, carrying her back to his personal space.

Or Timothy's cat pays a visit to Rhys' office in the morning. note: I am a stupid mofo and at this point Tim would also have Loader Bot fkjbfd just imagine hes not mentioned cause hes wandering off, typical LB

Have Faith - 1470 words summary: During the 7 year lockdown at the Handsome Jackpot, Timothy couldn't really have any hope for himself. But maybe on Promethea it could be different. note: sudden feelings while watching JoltzDude139′s stream

Warm Cheeks, Cold Hands - 1170 words summary: Rhys comes home early and wants to say hi to his husband. With no ulterior motive. None at all. note: first fic Ive ever posted where characters are married, actually. fuck it, Rhysothy Real, his name is Rhys Lawrence

the battle (and the aftermath) of the ages - 2970 words summary: In a situation like this everything was possible, they could pull any punches they could think of. Four beasts playing against each other, every single one of them thinking of striking the winning blow.

Or Promethea Squad plays UNO. And then watches a movie. note: I love Promethea Squad with my whole heart

okurimono (贈り物) - 4/4, 17170 words summary: “Not a bomb. Just a device with a message for Rhys. Trust me on that,” this time an emoji of both winking and showing off a tongue [;P] appeared on the surface of Zer0’s helmet. Ah. So they were definitely trying to mess him up. In a way. Unfortunately, he really didn’t have any other options. Almost with a defeat, Timothy took the ECHOrecorder right from their hands and looked around it again. Or Zer0 gives Timothy a peculiar mission. note: my first ever multichapter fic. took me legit abt 8 months to finish but I am absolutely satisfied with this. also the bonus ending. yes

(there is) something I see in you - 8690 words summary: How one Rhys Strongfork met one Timothy Lawrence and how they fell for each other. More or less. note: best to go into this one blind, I swear. dumbest fic Ive ever written and please take this as a recommendation

this world is gonna pull through - 14380 words summary: Timothy really hoped it wasn’t anything important. He had that tendency to forget things easily, even if he tried to fight it. But Rhys kept on smiling and went by his side. So it couldn’t have been that bad. Still dumbfounded, he felt Rhys leaving a kiss right on his cheek.“November 11th? 

That- That seriously doesn’t ring any bells?” Rhys continued, brushing his hands against his shoulders. Or how Timothy spent one of his birthdays. note: also a love letter for Tim but a nicer one I guess kdjfnb dont ask how old is he i have no gdamn idea man

Strawberry Sweet - 3560 words summary: Rhys surprises Timothy with a gift for their date night in.

Happy Mercenary Day, Mr. Lawrence - 4670 words summary: How Timothy spent his first Mercenary Day on Promethea. note: I swear this is the best writer night Ive ever had. Ive written this whole thing in one night on Christmas day, solely on the inspo of that song I linked

Don’t Go Wasting Your Emotion - 4/4, 17080 words summary:  Afterwards, he went around with his usual duties. Getting a quick roundabout from his PA, checking several sectors himself and looking through the thousands of messages already sent to him via ECHOs. Rhys was ready to finally take on the day, yet when he made his way to the office, he saw the unusual envelope right by the edge of his desk. “For Rhys” was written on it. Straightforward enough. Or Rhys gets a letter from a secret admirer. note: another multichapter fic!! this one also took some time and well. its inspired by ABBA songs. cause only I would write a Rhysothy fic inspired by ABBA

Ratchet Effect - 7130 words summary: Knowing just how much overworked Rhys has been, Timothy wants to let them have a nice getaway in Lazy River Land. There's only one problem to overcome - ratch infestation. note: first fic of 2021!! Ive been playing a lot of bl3 suring the writing of it so it has a lot of stuff I had observed both on Promethea and on Jackpot

Reflections - 2250 words summary: Sometimes, Timothy needs a reminder.

Tales AU - second most important timeline. it’s Tales but Tim is a part of the group. sorted chronologically

A Story For Another Day - ongoing, for now -  2/25, 15280 words Tales AU main fic. it’s gonna be a big one

Connection Interrupted - 3240 words summary: With his driving shift finished, Timothy checks up on Rhys and Vaughn's plans.

Completely Hopeless - 1040 words summary: In which Fiona notices that Rhys behaves differently in front of a certain doppelganger.

infinity times infinity times infinity - 3460 words summary: Rhys and Timothy share some dreams and secrets underneath the stars. note: the beautiful combination of Sleeping At Last and Minecraft parodies. I promise it makes sense

reality can be whatever I want - 11420 words summary: “Hey, Tim?” Timothy didn’t even spare him a look, “Are we alone, or is he there with you?” Oh, this definitely won’t be pretty.

After the confession of Handsome Jack's AI in his head and his plan to infiltrate Helios, Rhys needs to set things right with Timothy. Somehow. note: thanosdancing.gif to Backstreet Boys’ “I Want It That Way” 80′s remix and a guest appearance from Ferocity but I cant legally say her name here

still here - 2820 words summary: It all had to go down, after Helios crashed. note: I have...a love/hate relationship with this one kjdfbfg I like it but it’s honestly an alternate ending and doesnt fit within our usual bad ending, so take it with a grain of salt. i ten jebany błąd językowy w summary, kiedy ja go poprawię

together at last - 5590 words summary: It all struck him down in an instant, in this one minute. They were all safe. And they were all alive. Nothing was threatening neither him, nor Timothy, nor Fiona. He could finally breathe out.

They all found each other again. note: I am multitasking most time of my life but I dont relate any other fic to multitasking more than this one. I was honestly doing 10 things at once while writing this dfkjbndf

David AU - this one is a sub AU to Tales AU and the plot is kind of complicated dfjkbfb please check the fic for further explanation

building in curved lines - 22490 words summary: “To be fair, you look terrible. You’re barely standing in one piece and none of your coffees will hold you together for that long,” Lilith paused, seemingly weighing the correct words in her head. “You haven’t really been holding on since… We rescued The Double.” Rhys sighed heavily. Why did she have to be so right about everything. Or how Rhys and Timothy adjust to the reality after the Handsome Jack AI. note: bday gift for Spok, EASILY one of my absolute faves and the longest fic Ive written thus far

outside of AUs - some concepts I play with that are honestly outside any of our concrete timelines/concepts + fics not focused on Rhysothy

Real - 770 words summary: Reconciling with your past is a little easier, when you have someone you love right in your arms. note: first blands fic I’ve ever written. the characterization isn’t really there yet but as a first shot at the game and my kind of “introduction”, I am still satisfied of it

(Un)Familiar Faces - 9620 words summary: Timothy pursed his lips and leaned over the wall a little. He’s had enough of this solitude of closed doppelganger cabinet. Today wasn’t the day for another self-loathing session. Today, he should go off on Helios and do something for himself.

Or Timothy spends the night at a Helios bar. But not as Handsome Jack. And not as Timothy Lawrence either. note: personal favorite of mine, tough love letter to Timothy Lawrence. I have so many fond memories of writing this, including getting drunk out of my mind just like Tim and Rhys here

basics of survival - 2010 words summary: Athena taught Timothy everything he needed to know about survival. Now, it was time to put these skills into use. note: wrote this right before rona outbreak on last day in my dorms. thats all

[rockshortage]

Question time! So, how moral is Hector's spine in terms of slavery, experimenting on people, prostitution, u know all the ugly and uncomfy topics of fallout universe. What he would fight and what ignore. Sry if this was mentioned but dont remember tbh if i saw it.

Thank you for the question! Once again I wrote Way Too Much

If we were to go by DnD alignments, Hector is chaotic neutral.

He doesn’t have strong opinions in either direction, but he’s easily influenced by the opinions of the people around him. And since he’s surrounded by raiders, he has less and less trouble agreeing with them as time goes on. Putting that kind of agreement into action is a different story though.

Hector can be cruel as long as he’s ignorant to the fact that people exist as individuals, as long as he’s able to dehumanize them in some way. His success rate really depends on the group of people in question. The easiest ones are children of atom and gunners. Raiders used to be easy but it gets harder the more he bonds with the gangs. Settlers are difficult.

In general, Hector isn’t a sadist. He doesn’t enjoy preying on people who are weaker than him and tries to avoid raids on settlements as much as he can. In terms of conquering new territory, he’d much rather take out rival gangs, clear out a gunner base or just claim some vermin infested ruins to fix up. It works for the most part but he can’t always get away with it, and one of the many things Gage has to teach him is how to stop being so sympathetic to the poor little settlers. Or at least how to tough it out and just fuck up their day regardless of how he feels about it. He has no problem with the ‘doing what you have to’ angle, but in the context of Nuka World, they’re definitely not just doing this for survival anymore. So he can’t justify it in that way.

He’s not a fan of slavery at all. How the raiders treat the traders at the market has been a thorn in his side from day one, but with how little respect and authority he commands at the start, there’s just nothing he can do about it. Not without the risk of making all hell break loose anyway. Once he gets things a little more under control, he tries to phase it out gradually, in a way that won’t be obvious to the raiders until it’s too late or they just don’t care anymore. Like giving the traders a salary disguised as a budget for improving their posts and inventory. Letting them become ‘experts’ at their jobs, which gives them some amount of authority. He does have to put his foot down about the collars and fair treatment, which is sure to cause backlash. So he can’t do that too early in his career. Eventually though, business is good, the caps are flowing and there will be people who actually want to work there. Maybe some of the original traders stay, or they can hire new help so they themselves can leave. It works, but it takes a really long time. Too long for Hector to be really considered heroic or anything for freeing them.

Experimenting on people… depends on the ‘mood’ I guess. In the pursuit of SCIENCE, he can sometimes forget that morals and ethics are a thing. Desecrating bodies is a non-issue, because they’re dead anyway, why should anyone care? If spirits exist and the spirit of that person decides to hang around here and get offended, then that’s their fucking problem, isn’t it? Live experiments are more tricky. If he believes they deserve to be in this position in some way, and they’re acting all tough guy, then it’s doable. But if they’re screaming, crying, begging? Hard no, abort mission.

Prostitution… People being openly and overly sexual makes him very uncomfortable, so he certainly doesn’t like it. There’s nothing inherently wrong with it though, as long as people are doing it voluntarily. Live and let live, just not near him please. ((had (have?) half a mind to make the story of Rammstein’s “Puppe” part of his backstory, because my brain connected the two at one point and the thought has not let me go ever since. like yknow... big sister who saved baby hector having to earn money to survive somehow and meeting a bad ending And the song goes so fucking hard it gives me chills every time. It would add another layer to his discomfort for that kinda stuff but it’s like. So Much Angst))

[michaelmilkers]

I saw in one of your tags that you mentioned how 21 pilots made emo pretentious and im actually curious about why you say that (not hate i just never knew about them that much)

my friend you have asked me about a topic i am very knowledgeable and very angry about so prepare yourself for what you have wrought

it isnt just twenty one pilots but theyre just the biggest and most popular example

like. take my chemical romance in the early-mid 2000s aka the peak of emo. it was very melodramatic and theatrical, the way emo should be. there was a presence of “we are not like other people” in a lot of the songs, but it was never just that. it was more of a “we have been cast out and we kinda suck but thats okay.” one of the best examples of this is, ironically, i’m not okay.

take, for example, the opening to the mtv music video:

[Ray] You like D&D, Audrey Hepburn, Fangoria, Harry Houdini and croquet. You can't swim, you can't dance and you don't know karate. Face it, you're never gonna make it. [Gerard] I don't wanna make it, I just wanna...

this immediately establishes the song as being about social outcasts and people who dont fit the mold. the fucking tag line of the song is “i’m not okay” ffs, that really tells you all you need to know about the song. but the important thing is it doesnt take itself too seriously either. the music video takes place in a private school, and shows scenes of the band members eating lunch alone, being bullied by jocks and preps, etc., but it ALSO shows scenes of frank putting swim goggles on in chemistry class and ray drawing on his test with a crayon and then licking it, and at the end they all ambush and beat the shit out of a guy in a mascot costume. all of this is cut up by text saying things like “if you ever felt alone” “if you ever felt wronged” “if you ever felt anxious”

do you see the juxtaposition here? the music video could very very easily be a fake deep bullying psa, but its not, because while theyre getting bullied and playing their music in a garage they are also, unequivocally, total fucking losers for obvious comedic effect. it is a very exaggerated and lighthearted version of real phenomena, which makes it more relatable to a wider audience.

the same can be said about the song itself. it has some pretty heavy and angsty lyrics (”i’m not o-fucking-kay”) but the instrumentals are punchy and energetic and catchy and gerard’s vocal delivery is very theatrical but also very deliberate and he still puts real emotion in the words. it sounds like its taking the piss out of not being okay, which is exactly what i as a clinically depressed 13 year old needed, and i bet a lot of other people can say the same. i’m a loser and thats okay. i fucking suck in school and thats okay. i feel shitty and thats okay. i’m not okay and that, in itself, is okay.

with twenty one pilots, on the other hand, there is no theatrics, theres no taking the piss, theres no over-the-top melodrama that made emo what it was. 

take, for comparison, the opening lines of heathens:

All my friends are heathens, take it slow Wait for them to ask you who you know Please don't make any sudden moves You don't know the half of the abuse

and this presents, immediately, one of my biggest criticisms of twenty one pilots: their rampant appropriation of mental illness.

because my first thought when hearing this is as an abuse survivor and someone with ptsd they can kiss every single square inch of my ass.

Welcome to the room of people Who have rooms of people that they loved one day Docked away Just because we check the guns at the door Doesn't mean our brains will change from hand grenades You're loving on the psychopath sitting next to you You're loving on the murderer sitting next to you You'll think, "How'd I get here, sitting next to you?"

they try to do the same kind of nuanced poetic lyrics that my chemical romance did and in my opinion is just doesnt fucking work because they take themselves SO. FUCKING. SERIOUSLY. it sounds JOYLESS. 

and the song closes out with this:

Why'd you come? You knew you should have stayed (It's blasphemy) I tried to warn you just to stay away (Away) And now they're outside ready to bust (To bust) It looks like you might be one of us

this is what i mean by pretentious. there is a clear separation of the person/people from whose point of view the song is told and the people the song is meant to be listened to by from the greater population, but theres no high energy or comedic self deprecation to counteract it. 

now take some lyrics from heavydirtysoul, a song i actually really like the sound of, im not just shitting on this band bc its not to my taste yall:

There's an infestation in my mind's imagination I hope that they choke on smoke 'cause I'm smoking them out the basement This is not rap, this is not hip-hop Just another attempt to make the voices stop

Nah, I didn't understand a thing you said If I didn't know better I'd guess you're all already dead Mindless zombies walking around with a limp and a hunch Saying stuff like, "You only live once." You've got one time to figure it out One time to twist and one time to shout One time to think and I say we start now Sing it with me if you know what I'm talking about

right back at it again with that appropriation of mental illness symptoms! and some dumbass critique of our generation that doesnt fit in with the rest of the song at all, closing out the verse with “we are not like you” shit. the vocal delivery at least has more energy than heathens, but the lyrics just feel like a mishmash of different points theyre trying to make that have nothing to do with each other.

the best line of the song is undoubtedly “death inspires me like a dog inspires a rabbit” but its poetic just... for the sake of being poetic? its one of those lyrics that sounds like someone came up with and was like “bro we gotta put that in a song” but then couldnt actually figure out how to fit it into a song in a way that would flow. another example of this is “i cant drown my demons they know how to swim” in bring me the horizon’s can you feel my heart. not shitting on bring me the horizon, i really like sempiternal, but thats another line thats just poetic for the sake of being poetic. and to be put on t-shirts. i know this because when i was 12 i had a shirt that said “i cant drown my demons they know how to swim” on it.

i could do more analysis on other mcr songs, namely welcome to the black parade and famous last words, but i would be here for literal hours and idk if people actually care that much.

to sum my points up:

they take themselves too seriously. they appropriate and romanticize mental illness (forgot to mention that top’s website, at one time, described their music as “schizoid pop” lol). they pull a lot of “We Are Not Like Other People..,.,.,,...” shit. 

that last point is not inherently a bad thing, for example the new slipknot album is literally called “we are not your kind” but the song that contains that line as a lyric is all out life, and corey taylor is screaming that entire song and the instrumentals are reminiscent of speed metal with how fucking energetic they are. its edgy and its GREAT. twenty one pilots just sounds like they think theyre the shit.

also, and i want you to read the following sentence in a bass boosted voice to best understand how i feel when i say this:

the twenty one pilots cover of cancer is an embarrassment that completely misses the point of the original song and changed it into a weird amalgamation of lo-fi synth pop.

emo music is dead. thank u and goodnight.

[pairodicelost]

I’ve known for a few years my answer for the whole decades question, you know, the “which era do you wish you’d been born in? which decade do you want to have been in?”

I’d wanna have been 15 in Southern California in 1975, been sunshine and acid and partying on the Sunset Trip, live down the street from Zappa and his daughter like my aunt actually did back in the day, catching the rockstars all coming through LA, Iggy Pop and Bowie when they came through - basically live Almost Famous, The Runaways movie (in recklessness, not musicianship - I haven’t fantasized about being in a band for years and the point of this is what I wanna be around, not wanna be. I’m thinking of all the baby groupies I’ve read about). I’d wanna be the painter sortagirlfriend who stole blouses back and forth from the rockstars but fell for a roadie, sending endless postcards back home and listening to the guys jamming until early morning, waking up and falling asleep to acoustic fuckery and conversation in the next room. Popping pills, long hair, coke and massive heeled boots, catching a ride to the East Coast. Crying, calling my sister middle of the night from a diner in the middle of America, from a bus station phone booth, from another motel before I quietly shut myself in the bathroom to regale her with stories or confessions or invite her to join me, please, there’s room and I miss you, you’d love it they’d love you.

I need to be in NYC by 1978 to catch the punk scene, old enough to get in to bars and chainsmoke at a table in the seedy dark corner and write more letters, work on the diary, try and focus and reread passages from books of poetry, stolen library copies of the classics, writing notes all over the margins, reinventing myself - more black eyeliner, ears pierced all the way up, cut off my curls. Maybe have a proper mohawk before I buzz and bleach it. Live in a tenement, infested and cheap, get the bathroom down the hall just like I’ve wanted ever since Lou Reed sang about it in Lady Day. Make BIG ART, big old canvases leaning against each other against the wall, smoking inside, slow moving ceiling fan, oil paints and walls of books and vinyl and Edwardian-inspired psychedelic Avalon Ballroom posters (even though everyone thinks they’re tacky and lame bc the 60s were EMBARRASSING come on, thats gross hippie shit I dont GET IT) and a hot plate so I can heat soup and make eggs and coffee.                ((((this is actually pretty similar to what i’m doing now, 40 odd years later and 8 years older, in a trailer in New Orleans, though I haven’t buzzed my hair yet))))                 Walk around the city all night, speed eyes, rapidfire ideas, be in love with someone in that despondent young-but-newly-jaded aching way it seems like happens in NYC. Be more intellectual, a participating mind, not just hot teen groupie (though those days were more fun, better in a way bc they were easier and I didn’t have all the hangups yet - though whomever, whichever man I imprinted in back then will still haunt all the edges of my vision mind heart stomach roiling with the awful want for him, and it’ll come out sometimes when I’ve drunk enough or when coming down off amphetamine rushes gets emotional, everyone will look at each other over my head, new kid will ask if I’m talking about things that really happened and they nods, yeah she gave him her virginity and he gave her a lifetime of this. wrote her a song though.)

Getting through the 80s would be hard, everyone getting sick and dying like that, the world so quickly so different and hopeless feeling. Growing up in my 20s, maybe cleaning up? Going to college in NYC? or returning to family in Southern California? Fleeing the fear, fleeing the city? Maybe I’d escape to wherever my sister chose for college, move to her city (or she joins me in NYC) to level out and grow into adulthood. In this dream, I’ll study law but fall off the track into... I don’t know. Marriage? Do I get to live with the woman I’m in love with? Yes, and never come back to Los Angeles because my family are shitheads. God knows what I do with the 90s, where, what, etc.

The important parts, the ones I’m definitive on, are being a young teen in the mid 70s California then old enough to participate in NYC scene at the end of the decade.

Love how being traumatized by sexual relations with older men is a constant thing even in my fantasies? like isnt a detail but like a formative thing? fascinating

[thestormlionessmemes]

Memoirs of a Geisha Quotes

At the temple there is a poem called "Loss" carved into the stone. It has three words, but the poet has scratched them out. You cannot read loss, only feel it.

The heart dies a slow death, shedding each hope like leaves until one day there are none. No hopes. Nothing remains.

This is why dreams can be such dangerous things: they smolder on like a fire does, and sometimes they consume us completely.

He was like a song I'd heard once in fragments but had been singing in my mind ever since.

Grief is a most peculiar thing; we’re so helpless in the face of it. It’s like a window that will simply open of its own accord. The room grows cold, and we can do nothing but shiver. But it opens a little less each time, and a little less; and one day we wonder what has become of it.

I don't know when we'll see each other again or what the world will be like when we do. We may both have seen many horrible things. But I will think of you every time I need to be reminded that there is beauty and goodness in the world.

I dont think any of us can speak frankly about pain until we are no longer enduring it.

We lead our lives like water flowing down a hill, going more or less in one direction until we splash into something that forces us to find a new course.

I think the things I remember are more real than the things I see.

If you aren't the woman I think you are, then this isn't the world I thought it was.

I had to wonder if men were so blinded by beauty that they would feel privileged to live their lives with an actual demon, so long as it was a beautiful demon

Sometimes we get through adversity only by imagining what the world might be like if our dreams should ever come true.

Hopes are like hair ornaments. Girls want to wear too many of them. When they become old women they look silly wearing even one.

Now I know that our world is no more permanent than a wave rising on the ocean.

If a few minutes of suffering could make me so angry, what would years of it do? Even a stone can be worn down with enough rain.

A mind troubled by doubt cannot focus on the course to victory.

Water is powerful. It can wash away earth, put out fire, and even destroy iron.

If you have experienced an evening more exciting than any in your life, you're sad to see it end; and yet you still feel grateful that it happened.

We can never flee the misery that is within us.

If you keep your destiny in mind, every moment in life becomes an opportunity for moving closer to it.

Waiting patiently doesn't suit you.

Of course, a sign doesn't mean anything unless you know how to interpret it.

We none of us find as much kindness in this world as we should.

She dances, she sings. She entertains you, whatever you want. The rest is shadows, the rest is secret.

A tree may look as beautiful as ever; but when you notice the insects infesting it, and the tips of the branches that are brown from disease, even the trunk seems to lose some of its magnificence.

Flowers that grow where old ones have withered serve to remind us that death will one day come to us all.

Well, a peach has a lovely taste and so does a mushroom, but you can't put the two together...

Yet somehow the thing that startled me most, after a week or two had passed, was that I had in fact survived.

At that moment, beauty itself struck me as a kind of painful melancholy.

Nothing in life is ever as simple as we imagine.

You seemed so desperate, like you might drown if someone didn't save you.

A wounded tiger is a dangerous beast.

All at once I felt so vain, like a girl posturing for the crowds as she walks along, only to discover the street is empty.

Never give up; for even rivers someday wash dams away.

We human beings have a remarkable way of growing accustomed to things.

I didn't say to act dead. I said act helpless.

When a man takes a mistress, he doesn't turn around and divorce his wife.

Nothing is bleaker than the future, except perhaps the past.

Every step I have taken has been to bring myself closer to you.

Passion can quickly slip over into jealousy, or even hatred.

[yung-gunshot]

In questions!

thank you denna @kisamas

1. What takes up too much of your time? rn its mainly vibeo game and anime. i still play djmax respect like almost every single day plus also playing ace combat 5 & 7 and i recently finished watching ergo proxy which was pretty cool

2. What makes your day better? cooking something yummy like pasta or curry makes my day better and just generally playing games something that distracts me from my problems at the moment

3. What’s the best thing that happened to you today? i made pasta with sausage, broccoli, and spinach for dinner and it was really good 

4. What fictional place would you like to go to? hm i havent really thought about this but i think it would be cool to see the netsphere from blame! but without being involved in all the fucked up stuff i just love the architecture 

5. Are you good at giving advice? i would like to think so but none of my friends i know irl reach out to me so maybe i think not i just speak bollocks 

6. Do you have a mental illness? hm not sure, i never got officially diagnosed but im pretty sure i may have developed depression ever since i graduated hs

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? i dont think i have 

8. What musician inspires you the most? not sure about musicians but deathgrips and jpegmafia have kinda inspired me at the moment just because they make whatever they want without being afraid of what people think of them

9. Have you ever fallen in love? yea its happened twice now

10. What’s your dream date? i dont really think about this just because i dont think it will ever happen but i think just hanging out and going hiking anywhere would be nice and i really enjoy checking out new places to eat in town

11. What do others notice about you? not really sure about this question tbh maybe that im really easy to get along with? and i dont like the fact that i exist outside of my own perception 

12. What’s an annoying habit you have? isolation? but also i tend to bounce my leg and play with my hair a lot

13. Do you still talk to your first love? nope 

14. How many exes do you have? 2

15. How many songs are in your playlist? im not really sure i just have 3 playlists on spotify that most songs go to depending on the mood they are pretty huge though so id say at least 100 per playlist

16. What instruments can you play? i used to be able to play the trumpet in elementary 

17. What do you have the most pictures of? i have lots of landscape pics from the places i go camping and hiking then its just anime girls memes etc

18. Where would you like to go before you die? i think it would be really nice to see japan, korea, and indonesia plus also visit every national park here in the us and some parts in mexico like cancun and puebla 

19. What’s your zodiac? aquarius 

20. Do you relate to it? sometimes but most of the time i think its stupid 

21. What is happiness to you? just living a life where i dont have to maintain a certain image of myself and free from the pressures of modern day life and capitalism 

22. Are you going through anything right now? yea i still havent registered for fall classes yet and also havent been able to find a job either and i lost my friendship with my best friend a month ago

23. What’s the worst decision you ever made? i think telling my best friend i grew feelings for them is by far the worst thing ive done to date and its just something im never going to forgive myself for

24. What’s your favorite store? winco, samber and la chiquita (local hispanic stores) and grocery outlet

25. What’s your opinion about abortion? pro

26. Do you keep a bucket list? nope

27. Do you have a favorite album? ive had a few as my all time fav like Emily’s D+Evolution , To Pimp A Butterfly and Toxicity, rn though im really enjoying Dog Whistle by Show Me the Body, Infest the Rats’ Nest by King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard and Veteran by Jpegmafia

28. What do you want for your birthday? maybe some new cardigans and candles would be nice

29. What are people’s first impressions of you? i think people see me as a quiet and distant person because i dont talk that often when meeting new people

30. What age do you seem according to most people? my age (21) -/+ 1

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? i keep it on the corner of my bed next to my head

32. What word do you say the most? bollocks, bellend, fuck, worm 

33. What’s the oldest age you would date? 25

34. What’s the youngest you would date? maybe 20 but they would have to be a very specific type of person for me to consider dating them, safe bet with 21

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you? art teacher

36. What’s your favorite music genre? it used to be hip hop for a really long time but now i like rock and metal but really ill listen to anything except for country and edm. ive also just been listening to a ton of vibeo game and anime music too 

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be? i honestly think if the world wasn’t dictated by money i would want to live in mexico or japan tbh i like the us but just for the nature and landscapes 

38. What is your current favorite song? Camp Orchestra by Show Me the Body

39. How long have you had this blog for? i think i started in the middle or end of 2015

40. What are you excited for? i cant really say im looking forward for anything other than death stranding coming out and the dlc for ace combat 7

41. Are you a better talker or listener? i think im a better listener than i am a talker bc when i talk i cant even understand what im saying sometimes. listening is much more important to me bc i can actually process what people are saying 

42. What was the last productive thing you did? i talked to my adviser today and made some food and took my dog out for a walk at the park

43. What do you want for Christmas? i would like more board games to play with my cousins and friends and maybe some new pants too

44. What class do you get the best grades in? i dont know about best grades but its usually my painting and drawing courses 

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now? 5

46. What can you see yourself doing in ten years? i honestly dont know and the only thing that comes to mind is being a teacher? i just live day to day 

47. When did you get your first heartbreak? i guess after i graduated hs we were talking before we graduated but things sorta fell apart and i realized my feelings a bit too late to change anything 

48. What age do you want to get married? not sure since i cant see myself being taken seriously enough to want to marry but i guess ill say any age before 40

49. What career did you want to have as a child? i dont quite remember but i recall wanting to do space travel so maybe an astronaut? or astronomer

50. What do you crave right now? emotional stability, some taro milk tea, and more pasta\

im gonna tag @deredere @euthymiclurker and @dementatree :)