#this sketch fucking sucks. i did them all so dirty but i cannot wait any longer

[the-girl-who-didnt-smile]

THE LOA

These guys are my Hazbin Hotel OCs.

They are just the voodoo pantheon, and this is how I would implement them into the Hazbin Hotel universe.

PREFACE

In my humble opinion, Voodoo is one of the most misrepresented religions in all of popular media. Imagine if I described Christianity to you like so:

Religious figures like Jesus Christ, Saint Peter, and Mother Mary are just a bunch of nameless evil ghosts that the Christians worship.

The Christians worship a wicked, evil deity who flooded the entire planet and brought death everywhere.

Christians practice cannibalism. Every week, they eat the flesh of their god and drink his blood too.

This is, without exaggeration, how poorly voodoo has been portrayed in popular media. This goes back to the dark history of slavery in America. Voodoo is literally how the slaves preserved their African traditions, which is why it has been so thoroughly demonized, even to this day. It’s actually crazy how much they were able to preserve, when they were so aggressively persecuted.

Voodoo has one of the coolest pantheons of gods ever. If you like world religions, this is up there with Norse, Greek, and Hindu mythologies. This is like the coolest pantheon of gods that nobody has ever heard of. 

I just think it would be incredibly fucking lit if these guys were in Hazbin Hotel. They’re just a jazz band from New Orleans, and they are powerful beyond your wildest dreams. I don’t know if you could get away with putting these guys in the Amazon Prime TV Show, so I’m just going to insert them into my deranged fanfiction and make them extremely important characters. 

This is my fanfiction, and I can do whatever the fuck I want with it.

MY TAKE ON THE LOA IN HAZBIN HOTEL

The Loa are just the lower-case “gods” of Hazbin Hotel. The only thing more powerful than them is upper-case “God”. They’re all really fucking strong.

They were created by the God of the Hazbin Hotel universe, whom they all refer to as “Bondye”. They all look like humans because they were created to serve as intermediaries between upper case “God” and humanity. Even though they are super powerful, you don’t see a whole lot of them because they mostly interact with living humans on Earth. They are free to travel between Heaven, Hell, and Earth. They are neither angel nor demon. They cannot be categorized as Good or Evil. 

These guys are just absurdly powerful. I designed them to be as strong as I think gods would actually be.

The whole design premise here is, “What if the Voodoo pantheon was in Hazbin Hotel, and they were just jazz musicians with insane, bullshit anime superpowers?” I took several creative liberties with translating these real-life deities into completely overpowered anime characters because I just really want these guys to be completely fucking bullshit in a fight. They are so much more powerful than anything else that has been introduced in the canon of Hazbin Hotel.

My favorite one is the man center stage. I cannot wait to talk about him.

[marauder-exe]

AU list!

hi! These are a bunch of Au’s that i could write,and you could request! (reposting because it didnt work the first time)

General

Fake dating (My personal favourite)

Soulmates

Coffee shop

Modern Royalty

Rockstar

Running From The Police

Rebel Against The Goverment

High School

University

Law school

Delayed-Flights-And-Were-Stuck-In-The-Airport-And-Its-Like-2Am

Roommates

Road Trip

Arranged Marriage

Im-Arranged-To-Marry-Your-Brother-But-Were-In-Love

Amnesia

Tattoo-Artist-And-Coffee-Shop-Worker

Loved-Since-Childhood

Professor-Student (of age)

Met-On-Holiday

More detailed

21.You were singing/playing guitar/etc. in the park to protest the war and a policeman tried to dismiss you for 'disturbing the peace' but you argued that you were promoting peace and things got heated and next thing you know you're being arrested for assaulting an officer. You intrigue me, so I'm here to bail you out and maybe take you on a date?

22.the nice one who everybody loves with the grumpy and strict one that the students hate and the students wonder?????????how what the fuck

23.we just had a one-night stand but a massive storm hit so now we’re snowed in, hello awkward

24. i sit at the rental booth at our local ice rink and watch you teach children how to skate

25. alternatively, i watch kids teach you how to skate because you’re a terrible skater

26. i’m running late to an important interview/meeting and you accidentally spill your hot cocoa all over my outfit

27. you’re my hot ski instructor and i’m failing the bunny hill

28. i slip on some ice and you’re the stranger who catches me

29.  i gave my winter coat to a homeless person and come into your store to warm up

30. our friends rent a cabin to go skiing and we’re the only ones who stay inside

31. you’re the asshole of our group and we don’t get along, but then i find out you make soup for the local shelter

32.we’re waiting in line for the club when you complain that your roommate stole your gloves so let me warm your hands up with mine

33.my family invites you to join our holiday meal as an obvious setup and i’m so sorry

34.the power goes out in our apartment building, but i’m not prepared for this, and you come to check on me

35.i’m having a snowball fight with my friend in the park and i hit you instead

36.a storm is delaying our flight home and i’m afraid of thunder, please talk to me while we wait

37. we’re both in small claims court and i got into a huge fight with the person suing me but you stepped in to hold me back before security got there

38. i drove two hours to the closest video rental store that’s still operating and you were checking out the only copy of the movie i was after

39. i hit you with my car but luckily you’re okay, but we should still exchange information i guess

40. i was worried about buying something off of someone creepy from craigslist but oh no you’re hot

41. my friend talked me into playing a drunken game of spin the bottle even though we’re all adults and now we have to make out

42. we both decided to take a [yoga/fencing/cooking etc] class and we’re the only two assholes not taking it seriously and everyone else is giving us dirty looks but we keep grinning over at each other

43. my date just made a scene in public and got arrested and now i’m stranded in a city without a ride home

44. sharing a cab together

45. you’re trying to get me to sign a petition and i have no idea what you’re talking about

46. you’re drunk at this festival and dancing on the table and when you eventually fell i caught you

47. we both play this stupid game online and you keep beating me every single goddamn time so i called you out and you are pretty cute but can you not

48. im a bartender and you just came in here without shoes sat down and ordered a chocolate volcano and idk what the fuck that is and im scared to ask

49. we are neighbours and every night at 3:14 am you start yodeling for no fucking reason??? why???? is that you yodeling??? its been 2 months???

50.im a pizza delivery person and i just delivered a pizza to someone in the middle of a satanic ritual and they gave me their number???

51. i woke up this morning to find you sitting in my living room with a goat in a poncho??? who are you??? why is the goat wearing a poncho??? how did you get the goat in here i live on the 12th floor???

52. we work out at the same gym and you always look super legit but i know you sing hannah montana in the shower and you know i know

53. im a cashier and i saw you stuffing you pants full of potatoes and i would stop you but you already have 27 and i want to see how many you can fit

54. its 4 am and im drunk as fuck in a mcdonalds and you have been watching my trying to eat this burger for 30 minutes

55. i was playing beer pong with a coin and i accidentally threw it right into your eye at a party

56. i’m at the beach and some kids thought it was funny to bury me in the sand when i dozed off can you please dig me out

57. it’s unbearably hot and we’re both fighting over the last handheld electrical fan at the shop at the amusement park

58. hey i just met you, and this is crazy, but i get sunburned really easily so can you please help me put sunscreen on my back?

59. thunderstorm after a menacing heatwave and we’re both getting weird looks for dancing in the rain

60.i have no idea who you are but you just fainted right in front of me holy shit dude you need to drink more in this heat

61. we both chased after the leaving ice cream van like ten-year-olds and now we’re both out of breath and a bit embarrassed

62.i clearly reserved this deck chair by putting a towel on it why on earth are you lying on it who the fuck do you think you are

63. My friends bet I wouldn’t buy these three weird and questionable items and you’re my cashier.

64.Once a week I go visit the pet store just to stare at the cute kittens and puppies and you’re the nice employee who always lets me hold them and wait I think I’m going to cry hold on.

65.You’re the DJ of the University’s radio station and every time you give an opinion on a current event I have to call and argue with you because could you seriously be anymore wrong?

66.We both wait tables at the same restaurant and you’re always mad at me by the end of the night because I make more in tips

67.We have the same class and once a week you wear this graphic shirt I don’t understand and I really want to ask you about it.

68.We both work at the same craft store that literally has no customers so we have nothing to do and I’m always reading at the register but you always have to criticize my book choice what the hell?

69.I’m working the concession stand for this week’s home game and this is the fifth time you’ve come back for snacks wait are you flirting with me?

70. we’re at a bookstore and you and I seem to have similar taste in books have you read this one? How about this one?

71. you look like you need help and I’m a professional roller/ice skater but I don’t want you to feel bad about how much you suck but wow you suck

72. You ordered your food before me and they gave you a drink you didn’t want so you gave it to me

73. We’re sitting at adjacent computers in the library and I’m taking extra care not to look at your screen out of respect but what the fuck do you keep laughing at

74. as a joke I yelled out “happy birthday to someone!” in this store and you called back “thank you!” who are you

75. You heard me talking about a TV show in class the other day and now you’re passionately yelling at me about how good it is we’ve never actually spoken before

76. It’s 10:30 at night and I left my glasses at home so I can’t read any of these labels and you’re one of the only people in the grocery store and GODDAMMIT DO YOU HAVE ANY TOMATO SAUCE WITHOUT CHUNKS

77. We go to the same support group; I have social anxiety and you’re a kleptomaniac who sorta stole my heart

78. You thought you were alone at the bus stop so early in the morning so you started passionately singing Fall Out Boy but your Patrick Stump impression could use some work and I’m not really afraid to point that out

79. I’m an artist and you have a really nice face so would you mind if I drew you?

80. We’re rival up-and-coming singers and every time one of us releases a new single the other does a cover to try to make it better; we’re always trying to top each other and out-cute each other, but half our fans aggressively ship us; our agents use this to their advantage and decide we should do a duet because it’ll be popular; unfortunately now that we’re in the same studio and I’ve seen what you’re like I really wanna know what your lips feel like

81.PLEASE I REALLY CANNOT FIND MY CAT AND I KNOW IT’S THREE A.M. BUT NEIL CATRICK HARRIS AND I WOULD BOTH APPRECIATE THE HELP

82. We were both stood up for dates at the same nice restaurant so we decide to eat together and split the check but I dunno you’re pretty interesting aside from your distractingly enormous eyebrows

83. We met at a mutual friend’s cheesy masquerade party and we agree that the only good thing about this party is the masks so you can’t judge a book by its cover only now that we’ve been talking I want to see your face but I don’t know how to ask

84. You used to date my friend who absolutely hates your guts after a messy breakup and now you’re flirting with me and I really shouldn’t be so interested in you but I am

85.We pass each other every day while we’re biking on the same path so we’ve started smiling at each other and one day you’re stopped because you’re having an asthma attack so I offer you my extra water bottle and now we’re talking and now I’M the one who’s breathless

86.I lost my little sibling in IKEA and I need your help finding them

87.I'm a private detective hired to follow you, but you're endearingly boring and mostly I just like watching you and oops, I sort of find you adorable.

88. You've been sketching me for half an hour now, and just shuffled up to hand me the finished product and it's TERRIBLE but you just wanted an excuse to talk to me.

89.  I'm at an art exhibit and I just badmouthed the art, because I don't get it, okay? And it turns out you're the artist. I'm so sorry, maybe I could get you coffee and you could explain what it was supposed to be?

90. We're the only two people who turned up to an underground gig and it should be awkward, but the band is amazing and you asked me to dance and hey, there's nobody watching but us.

91.  You live in the apartment next to me. We're not supposed to have pets, but I KNOW you have a cat. I'll make you a deal, I won't tell, if you let me pet it.

92.  I punched you because I thought you were insulting my friend, but it turns out you know each other and it was an inside joke and I'm so sorry, let me drive you to the hospital?

93. We both wanted to rent a bike for an hour but the only one they have is a tandem bike

94. I’m on a terrible date and you’re my waitor please help me

95.Our dick landlord just evicted us both

96.I’m your neighbor and I can hear you fucking someone who  shares my name

97. You’re sort of famous and we vaguely know each other through bumping into each other all the time but the media thinks we’re dating

98. Your roommate cheated on me and I just threw your laptop out the window thinking it was his

99. It’s 2am on the night of my 21st birthday and we gotta fix this fucking mess by morning or else we’re fucked

100.Fuck you and your bee farm I’ve had enough

Feel free to use any of these as your own! If you wanna request you could drop an inbox saying ‘ could you do ____ AU with this character’!

[zaritarazi]

idle souls, chapter 3

chapter 3: in which kendra starts to get down and dirty with it -- after waking up from her incident at the dig site, kendra finds she can't keep carter out of her head. or her hands to herself. what's a girl to do when carter's this quote and like, kind of crazy kissable? wasn't there some archeology going on? this is getting weird. tumblr | ao3 note: smut starts here! it's what we've all been waiting for. you earned this, reader. yes, you!

--

“You’re radiant, my love.”

“You say that every day, Khufu.”

“Does that make it any less true? We see the sun every day. Is her beauty marred because of it?”

“My prince, I worry your poetry is wasted on me.”

“It cannot be wasted on you, love- It wouldn’t exist without you.”

Kendra kicks her legs against the mattress, jolting back into the waking world. Her mouth is dry enough that her tongue feels stuck to the back of her teeth. Her tank top is damp and sticking to her chest. She tries to peel her tongue away from her gums, smacking her lips to get her mouth moving again.

“Hey, hey, don’t move so quickly-“

She moves back. “Carter?”

He’s leaning halfway over the bed, resting his hand on the duvet. “Yes?”

She pulls herself into a sitting position. “Why are you in my hotel room?”

“You don’t remember?” he asks.

“No?” she says, trying to find an answer in his expression. All she’s getting right now is concern, so much of it that it’s making her feel uneasy. “Should I- Should I remember something? What time is it?”

“Late,” he says. “I wasn’t sure you’d wake up until tomorrow morning.”

“Were you going to…” She trails off, looking at her knees, caked with dirt. “Wait for me all night?”

“I had to keep an eye on you,” he says. “You- Kendra, you passed out.”

[keep reading or read on ao3]

“I-“ When did her knees get so dirty, actually? Today was just supposed to be for plotting out the quadrant, not actually doing any excavation, so when did she- “Carter, what happened to me?”

“What’s the last thing you remember?” he asks.

She purses her lips. “You put that mask on me,” she says. “And we were sketching something, and then it all just gets… fuzzy.”

“Do you remember having a panic attack this morning?” he asks.

She sucks in a breath. “I think-“ She had, hadn’t she? She’d had a panic attack, and then had breakfast, and then gone to the site, and then- And then- “I remember that, yeah but- What did I do?”

“You said you had to go to the bathroom, remember?” he says. “And then you took me in the complete opposite direction of the bathrooms. And we found- That room. Remember?”

She closes her eyes, trying to picture what he’s talking about. “It was-“ She furrows her brow. “It was the room with the columns, right? And the fires were lit, and there was- That bed. There was a bed, right?”

“Kendra,” Carter says, very softly. “There was nothing in that room but ruins.”

She opens her eyes, turning to stare at him again. “But that’s-“ She sucks on her teeth. “That’s what I remember.”

“You must’ve just dreamt it,” Carter says. “Because I promise you, that’s not what was there. There was nothing there but-“

“But what?” Kendra asks. “Carter, did I- Did I do something wrong?”

“No,” he says, too quickly, in a rush to reassure her. “No, you just-“ He looks away from her for a moment. “I must’ve- Forgotten to put it down when you fainted, all I could think about was getting you somewhere safe, and I-“ He reaches for the nightstand next to the bed, Kendra following his hand.

“Carter,” she whispers. “What is that?”

“This-“ He holds the dagger by the hilt, holding it at her eye level. “This is what you found and tried to show me.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Kendra says. “I would never- Did I pick that up, or something? We didn’t- Oh my God, Carter, did you take that from the site?”

“I didn’t mean to,” he says. “Just like you didn’t mean to pick it up. I just had to- I had to carry you back to the car, and you were muttering to yourself, very softly, and I was so worried-“

“Wait but-“ She can’t stop looking at it. At the blade, a faded gold, the groove in the center that catches the ceiling light. “If I passed out- Shouldn’t I- Shouldn’t I have seen the doctor?”

“I-“ And he’s got the same kind of syrupy slowness in his voice too, and that’s sort of reassuring, that right now his brain is having just as much trouble as hers. “I just thought I had to- Get you back here. You had to- Sleep. You were sleeping.”

“Yeah,” she says, tilting her head and watching the light move around. “I was sleeping.”

That makes sense, she thinks. He didn’t want to worry anyone- She’d just been sleeping. And he had taken care of her.

“Carter,” she says.

“Hm?”

“I should shower,” she tells him.

His eyes trace up to her face, his gaze her throat tight. She finds herself looking at his lips, at his jaw. “Okay.”

“I-“ She looks at the dagger again, and back to him. The muscles of his shoulders, how little his undershirt does to hide his body. “I’m really sweaty.”

He nods in understanding, and she watches tension in his neck, notes how tightly he seems to be wound.

“Are you-“ She tilts her head, her curls falling over her shoulder. “Are you going to shower?”

“Yeah,” he replies. “Sometime. Soon, I think.”

“Okay,” she says, moving towards him, until her body is under his, and swinging her legs over the bed’s side. “Okay, I’ll-“

His hand finds the small of her back, having dropped the dagger on the bed. His other hand finds her wrist, and he pulls her up, holding her close to his side.

She presses her hand against his chest. “Carter?”

“Kendra?”

She looks to him, parting her lips and trying to remember what she was going to say. “I should shower.”

He blinks slowly, languidly, like he’s trying to stay awake. “Do you… need help?”

Her hand is moving up his chest without her brain registering it, her nails gently scraping at his chest. “I don’t know.”

“You should go shower,” he says.

“Yes,” she agrees.

Somehow, she untangles herself from his body, nodding in affirmation to herself. She finds the bathroom light and closes the door, peeling her tank off and tossing it on the floor. Her bra comes off next, and then she fusses with the button of her jeans. Her underwear is clinging to her for dear life, and it’s not until she pulls them down and gasps that she realizes she’s dripping between her legs.

“Oh,” she remarks, mostly to herself, looking at herself in the huge bathroom mirror. At the swell of her chest, and the lines of her stomach. Carter had been right- She’s covered in freckles, all over. Maybe she should show him. Maybe she should show him all the places she’s got freckles. He’d like that.

She runs her finger through her slit, shuddering in relief. “Oh,” she repeats.

Her body feels sort of heavy, kind of like it doesn’t really belong to her- Like she is something else, someone else, and the skin she is wearing is pinning her down. It’s no small effort to step into the shower, pull the curtain closed, find the faucet. The hot water is a welcome relief. It’s nice to get the feeling of cold sweat off her body.

She tilts her head back under the water, arching her back. Her chest is aching, and she slides her hands over her breasts, rolling her nipples between her fingers. The ache swells, telling her it’s not enough, that she has to keep going.

Why is she so horny? She can barely breathe. She has to play with herself right now or she’ll lose her mind, and every time she pinches her nipples she can feel it like sparks against her clit.

“I could dedicate days to your breasts alone, my love.”

“But then-“ Kendra gasps, kneading her chest with one hand, dragging the other down between her legs. “But that would be torture, Khufu. I’d melt.”

“Perhaps I want to make you melt.”

“Please, my love,” she says, rubbing herself with her index finger. “Please don’t tease me, not when I’m like this.”

“But you’re always like this, my goddess. Always so-“

Kendra slides one finger into herself, rocking slowly on her hand.

“Insatiable.”

She moans, adding another finger, opening herself and making herself full, it feels so good and she knows he loves when she does this, for all his teasing and his smug little smiles, he’s so weak for when she leaks onto her hand in front of him, when she lets everything go and gives in-

“Now whose teasing, love?”

“Then touch me,” she pleads. “If I’m teasing you so badly, then-“

“I want to watch you. I want to wait.”

“Wait for what?” Kendra asks, leaning against the tile wall.

“For you to come undone.”

“Touch me,” she pleads. “Khufu, please, I need you-“

“Keep going. Show me how good you feel. Moan for me.”

She curls her fingers inside herself and whimpers, sliding down against the wall. “My love, please-“

“Oh, I know my princess, my goddess, I want nothing more than to unfurl my tongue in you but you’re not ready yet, are you? You have yet to come for me.”

“I-” Her words catch in her throat, pushed down by the noises she makes. Carter can hear her, Carter must be able to hear her, and she can see him listening to her so clearly in her mind’s eye, his cheeks flushed as he adjusts himself in his pants.

“That’s it, love. Let it out.”

She arches her back, her legs locking under her body as she whimpers. “Please,” she says, desperately. “Please, please-”

“You’re the one doing it. You don’t need my permission.”

“Want it,” Kendra manages. “Please?”

“Well then, my goddess- Your prince wants to see you come.”

She grins, her heart bursting in her chest, blooming again, her body wracked with the pleasure from her fingers. She lets a giggle escape her throat, her breaths coming with ease, it feels so good and so right and so easy, she’s so happy, she’s so-

She pulls her fingers out of her body, slamming her hand against the shower wall. “What the-”

There’s no one in the bathroom with her- Why would there be? She closed the door and Carter is on the other side.

Oh God. Oh fuck. Carter is on the other side of the door and she was- She was just actually, literally masturbating and it had sounded like-

She’d actually thought Carter was in the shower with her. And she’d really, really liked it.

“Fuck,” she murmurs to herself, staring at her hand like it’s betrayed her. She feels like she can breathe again, like her mind is finally back in her body. “What the fuck?”

She curls and uncurls her fingers, and for a second, she thinks hears laughter.

She shakes her head. She’s going to wash her hair, she’s going to tell Carter to leave her bedroom, and the two of them will never speak of this again.

Perfect plan.

She opens the shampoo, and is knocked back by a wave of lavender.

“You don’t like it? It’s usually your favorite.”

“Shut up,” Kendra snaps, lathering her scalp. “Whoever you are- Just shut up.”

She finishes the shower without anymore of- Whatever the hell happened when she got into the shower, and steps out of the tub to remember she hadn’t brought a change of clothes into the bathroom.

For a brief, flickering moment, she dares to hope that maybe the hotel’s towels will be people sized.

She takes one of them off the hook, and is reminded that hope is for someone that didn’t just masturbate in the shower with her colleague in the other room. It’s like, he already knows what she sounds like when she’s orgasming, so why shouldn’t he see what is basically her entire body? Why the fuck not, at this point? Why not just pull him into the bathroom and get this mess over with?

She tries to tug her towel further down her body, and her boob pops out. “Fantastic.”

She doesn’t even want to address that weird… feeling she’s having again. She’d appreciate not having it when her vagina is just like, out there, but sure. Let’s have some of that good, totally out of nowhere horniness again. Perfect.

The bathroom door opens, just a crack, steam pouring out. “Carter?” she asks.

He’s sitting on the edge of her bed, fists balled against his knees and his face flushed red. “Hm?”

“Can you-“ Don’t look at his dick don’t look at his dick don’t- She looked. “Can you turn around? The towels are really tiny and I forgot my pajamas.”

“Oh,” he says, like he know she can see that he’s half-hard in his pants. He adjusts himself on the bed, running his hand against his thigh. “Yes. Of course.”

“Okay,” Kendra says. “Great.”

They make the mistake of making eye contact with one another, and he turns even redder, going slightly purple, even. “Sorry,” he manages, getting up off the bed and turning towards the door. “Good?”

“Good,” Kendra says, creeping out of the bathroom, still clutching the towel to her body.

She should just show him her body. She really should, he’s already pretty much ready to go, and if he sees her, all damp and shiny, he’s bound to take her on the bed and pound her-

Kendra lets out a choked cough, rubbing the palm of her hand against her forehead. She doesn’t even know Carter, they work together, and he has absolutely not gotten to seeing her boobs yet.

Her mind wanders again as she pulls her pajamas from her luggage. It’s tempting. It’s entirely too tempting, and she’s not sure why she’s so tempted and horny when she just spent the entire day in what was basically a coma.

She thinks about him licking the side of her neck, and smacks the back of her own hand. “Stop that.”

“Stop what?” Carter asks.

“Nothing,” Kendra says, pulling her nightshirt on. “Sorry. My mind is just- Racing.”

“Yes,” Carter says, his voice slightly huskier than before. “I heard.”

Kendra clasps her hand over her mouth at the exact same time Carter does, which would be funny if the two of them weren’t currently trying to decide who should drop dead of shame first.

“Oh my God,” he says. “Oh my God, I don’t know why I said that, that was completely inappropriate and not something- I am so, so sorry Kendra.”

“You can turn around,” Kendra says. “I’m dressed.”

He turns to look at her, embarrassment plain on his face. “I really don’t- It’s none of my business. I truly, honestly don’t know what compelled me to say that. I wasn’t- I wasn’t trying to come on to you, I promise. I’m sorry.”

He could though, a voice in her head tells her. He could come on to her, he could come- “It’s fine,” Kendra says, interrupting her thoughts. “I’m the one that- I mean, I don’t know why I did that, either. With you out here. I should be the one apologizing, I mean you heard me, and-“

Either he’s been walking towards her or she’s walking towards him, but they’re standing in front of the bed and there’s less than a foot between them.

It’s at this point that Kendra’s boobs decide to perk up under her nightshirt, and sure. Carter’s going to see the outline of her nipples. That’s where they are, now.

“Are you okay?” he asks. “I mean, really. You can tell me. You can tell me anything.”

Kendra nibbles at her lower lip, nodding. “I’m- I’m okay, Carter. I think I should go to bed.”

“Okay,” he says, reaching out to stroke her wet hair. She doesn’t stop him. “Okay. It’s just- Been a weird day. That’s all this is. It’ll be fine tomorrow.”

She takes his wrist, studying the way his throat bobs, the way his lips move. “Right.”

“Goodnight, Kendra,” he says, pulling his hand away from her like it’s some Herculean effort.”

“Goodnight, Carter,” she offers.

He tries giving her a smile, and lets himself out of her room.

She falls back into bed, crawling under the duvet.

Sleep is not coming easy. She’s not even tired- Her entire body feels electric, exposed, like someone’s hooked her up to a generator.

“Fuck,” she mumbles, slipping out of her shirt. “Fucking hell.” Might as well get rid of the pants, if she’s going for it. She balls her clothes up and lays them on the pillow next to her, like maybe they’ll shame her into getting her shit together.

Not likely, because she shuts her eyes and all she can think about is Carter adjusting himself on her bed, and how badly she’d wanted to ask him to stay…

No. Nope. No no no, she did not want to ask him to stay, her mind is just playing dirty tricks on her, and she just can’t seem to get her sex drive under control all of a sudden- But she doesn’t want him in her bed.

He’s probably in his bed by now, maybe he’s stripped out of his clothes and is in the shower, or maybe he’ll shower in the morning because he’s just so tired.

Yeah. That’s what’s happening, she knows, she can practically see him in her mind’s eye, laying over the covers and trying to steady his breathing with his hand over his stomach, like he’s not desperate to touch himself.

Kendra lets out a little whine in the back of her throat. Okay. Okay. This just happened. She was literally just doing this in the shower, she should be totally fine, she should not be laying in her bed, fantasizing about Carter Hall.

It doesn’t even feel like a fantasy. It feels absolutely real, like she’s staring down at him.

“Jesus, Kendra,” he whines.

“Oh, babe,” she says, her hand already home between her legs. “Say my name again.”

“Kendra,” he says, finally taking himself in his hand.

“Yes,” she says. “Fuck, yes.”

It’s the strangest thing, really. She’s watching him in her fantasy, speaking to him- And he grins.

“Fuck,” she calls out, and he smiles wider.

It’s like he can hear her, like he’s egging her on, and she can feel how aroused he is, how badly he wants her, and she should just go to him, she should just go to his room and-

“Carter,” she whines. “Oh my God, Carter-“

He moans at the sound of her voice, and she’d go to him, she would, but it’s so hard to move any other part of her body right now.

And it’s so, so much easier to just lie back and lose track of the time.

His mouth is on her neck, his body covering hers, thrusting into her like he’s got all the time in the world, like she isn’t gasping and moaning every time he pulls back.

She tries to reach between her legs, but he grabs her hand, pulling it over her head and pinning it to the bed.

“Ah-ah,” he scolds. “Let’s not be greedy, Chay-ara.”

It’s oppressively hot. Smothering. He seems to glow in the lamplight, like the sun, and all he radiates his heat, overwhelming her. She swoons as he lifts her hips, driving into her as she melts into the bed, her entire body unwinding at his touch.

“More, my love,” she begs. “More, I need more-“

He slides his hand up her stomach, and-

Kendra lifts her back off the bed like a woman possessed, digging her nails into the sheets. “Oh my-“ She falls back, her breath coming in short, panting spurts. The AC is blaring, just how she likes it, but she’s drenched in sweat. “What the fuck?”

She shifts into a sitting position, hugging her knees to her chest.

That had been… intense. More than intense. Like it had been happening to her, like she had actually been having sex and not just dreaming of it. She’s still spasming between her legs, desperate for- What had his name been? It had sounded like- It reminded her of- Hadn’t it sounded like him in the shower?

She rubs the palm of her hand against her cheek. “Stop,” she says, softly. “Just stop, please. I’m overwhelmed.”

The funny thing is, she’s not sure who she’s talking to- If it’s the man in her dreams or the pulsing, insistent feeling running through her body that won’t go away.

She finds her phone in the half-darkness of the early morning, tapping the screen until the time shines back up at her. “Fuck,” she repeats. It’s 6:02, and the idea of falling back asleep-

She’ll go to work tired. She runs her hand along the back of her neck, breathing in. Holding it. Sighing out. She swings her legs over the side of the bed, resting her elbows against her knees and her head in her hands.

He’d looked like Carter.

He had… Looked like Carter. That man had Carter’s face, his eyes, his voice.

“Christ,” Kendra groans. She has no idea why her subconscious would be trying to make this a thing like, day three of even being in Egypt. She hasn’t even known him for a full 72 hours. They’ve had drinks. He drove her to work.

He’s her coworker and technically her rival, and he’s smug and smarmy in ways she didn’t even know people could be, and Kendra had just dreamt, intently, for hours, about fucking someone that looked exactly like him.

And then, of course, there had been the shower.

“Perfect,” she mutters. “Excellent.”

She unplugs her phone from its charger.

TEXT TO: CARTER HALL

FROM: ME

Hey. You said you were an early riser, are you up?

TEXT TO: KENDRA :)

FROM: ME

Yeah i’ve been up. surprised you are

TEXT TO: CARTER HALL

FROM: ME

Weird dreams. Don’t want to go back to bed. Can we just like… meet up, or whatever?

TEXT TO: KENDRA :)

FROM: ME

Definitely. You sure you’re feeling ok though? You don’t have to go out today

TEXT TO: CARTER HALL

FROM: ME

I can’t be out sick day 2. i’m not even sick i’m just. weirdly wired

TEXT TO: KENDRA :)

FROM: ME

Me too, actually.

TEXT TO: CARTER HALL

FROM: ME

Can I just come down to your room whenever? I need a shower

TEXT TO: KENDRA :)

FROM: ME

You showered before you went to bed. Are you breaking a fever?

TEXT TO: CARTER HALL

FROM: ME

You know you’re not that kind of doctor, right?

TEXT TO: KENDRA :)

FROM: ME

You made that joke yesterday :p

TEXT TO: KENDRA :)

FROM: ME

But yeah come down whenever you’re ready. We’ll go get coffee together and then get to the site early. Probably should since we kind of need to return… you know.

TEXT TO: CARTER HALL

FROM: ME

Yeah. Yeah we do. Be down in 10.

This time the shower is, thankfully, far less eventful than the last.

She makes it down to the third floor before she realizes that she’s achingly hungry, which is probably what would happen after eighteen or so hours of straight sleep and no food. She knocks on Carter’s door a bit more frantically than she’d meant to, hoping to get out of the hotel and get breakfast as soon as humanly possible. Or faster.

“Kendra,” he says, warmly, opening the door and just not wearing a goddamn shirt. “You’re looking much more awake.”

“I’m starving,” she says, keeping her gaze super-intently on his eyes. “Could you suit up and let’s get going?”

“I haven’t shaved yet,” he says. “Got into the shower the same time you did, figured you wouldn’t be down so quickly.”

“You look-“ She gestures at his stubble. “Fine. It’s- It’s a good look, Carter. Just throw a shirt on and let’s go.”

“Please come in,” he says. “You’re making me feel terribly rude, having you stand in the hall like this.”

She lets out a huff and makes sure Carter can see, really get a facefull, of her rolling her eyes at him.

“If you’re that hungry, order room service,” he says. “I’ll cover it. You should eat.”

She doesn’t love the idea of him covering a meal for her, but in that gut-instinct way that she always feels when men offer to buy her something. It’s surprisingly not a Carter-specific problem, and she’s handled enough assholes that she thinks she can deal with Carter’s fairly genuine proposal for a hot meal.

God. He’s such an ass.

“I mean,” Kendra says, not sure if she should sit on his unmade bed or not. “If you’re going to twist my arm about it.”

“Order me an omelette, please,” he says. “Um- Mushrooms. Wait. No, no mush- Yes, I do want mushrooms. Swiss? No-“

“Carter,” she says. “You’re getting the omelette that’s on the menu.”

He seems entirely pleased with this, too pleased, chuckling to himself. “Whatever you say, boss,” he says. “Makes my life easier.”

She kind of likes him calling her boss, in like a fun and powerful sort of way, and immediately takes that feeling and crushes it. Crushes it into dust. “Don’t know how you’ve ever had a meal in your life,” Kendra says. “If that’s how you order food.”

“Lucky I have you, then,” he says, and he does this horrible thing where he taps her shoulder with his fingers in this fond way.

She wants to immediately say, ‘You don’t have me,’ but kind of doesn’t want to, so she opts for, “Yeah. I guess you are.”

“Sit on the bed,” he says. “Please. Order food. Make yourself at home. Mi casa es-“

“Nope,” Kendra says, but she sits down anyway. “I got the picture, thanks.”

“I’m gonna-“ He gestures to the bathroom. “I’m gonna go shave.”

“Good luck,” Kendra offers.

“Thank you,” he says, like he means it.

She gives him a tiny little salute with her two fingers, and tries not to feel something when he returns the gesture before turning away.

She shakes her head, grabbing the room service menu off his nightstand and shifting onto her stomach.

She manages to get out a small noise of distress before she's overwhelmed- She hadn’t noticed when she had been sitting down but now she’s practically stuck her face in it and he left his nightshirt on the bed and he smells so, so good-

Like fuck, she could really just put her face against his neck and just let him hold her, let herself fall into the tide of him, the gentle way he smiles at her and the things he'd say to her, like, like-

Getting overwhelmed, my love?

She lets out a gasp, pushing herself onto her knees. “Carter, I-“

The faucet is still running in the bathroom. Carter isn’t even in the room- He didn’t see her, he didn’t know- But then why did she hear his voice?

He didn’t even hear her over the running water.

Kendra clutches the menu to her chest, still staring at the bathroom doorway. “Carter?” she says, much louder this time.

“Yeah?” he calls back.

“You didn’t come in here for a second, did you?” she replies.

“What?” he says. “No.”

“Okay,” she says. “Sorry. I thought I heard something.”

“Do you need me to come check the door?” he asks.

“No I’m-“ She sucks in a breath. “I’m good. Sorry. Keep shaving.”

“Just call if you need me,” he says.

She doesn’t respond, opting instead to sit up straight, on the bed, and not lay on the bed in any capacity, and just order some damn breakfast.

For a moment, her mind wanders to the idea of pulling him onto the bed when he finishes shaving, and kissing his jaw and holding his face in her hands-

“Shit,” she mutters, and picks up the phone to order breakfast.

They still make it to the site relatively early- Carter’s driving remains terrifying, and the idea that he drove like that, panicked, with her sleeping in the car- It’s kind of a miracle that they made it back to the hotel last night.

Kendra watches Carter check his jacket pocket for the dagger, nodding to himself and then offering her a smile. “It’s going to be fine,” he says. “No one’s even going to notice.”

“But I’ll notice,” she says. “I was so- What’s wrong with me? I could ruin everything, I could-“

“Kendra,” he says. “It was an accident. If anything happens, I’ll take the heat. You’re not going to get in trouble.”

She wets her lips against her tongue. “Okay. I’m- I’m good.”

His hand finds her shoulder, and stays there as he walks with her. “It’s a good day for some real work, yeah?” he says. “We’re going to be fine.”

She almost tilts her head towards his hand, but catches herself. Thank God. “Yeah,” she agrees. “Um, do you remember which-“ Her voice catches in her throat, the answer already laid out in front of her. “It’s this way.”

“Lead the way,” he says. “You’re the one who got us here.”

The morning mist mixes with dirt and sand in the open halls of the temple, seeming to drag around their ankles. “It’s strange,” she said. “That it’s just us. It feels haunted.”

“I think it’s beautiful,” Carter says. “Kind of roman-“ He clears his throat. “It’s… ethereal.”

“Nice save,” she offers, and doesn’t tell him that he’s right. That for some weird reason, being in what essentially equates to a tomb, with him, in the very early morning, just feels kind of- Kind of nice.

“How are you feeling?” he asks.

“Fine,” she says. “Anxious, I guess.”

“But not dizzy?” he says. “Feverish, nauseated-“

“Insert joke about you making me feel ill,” Kendra mutters, guiding Carter into the hall. “We forgot to plug in the lights.”

“It’s pretty easy to see without them,” he says. “And, well-“

“Well?” Kendra says.

“We really shouldn’t be in here by ourselves anyway. Don’t want to let people know we’re here.”

“Oh, look at that,” Kendra says. “Anxiety spike ahoy.”

“We’ll be fine,” he promises. “I’m just saying. Let’s not draw undue attention when we're just fine without the lights.”

“Fair enough,” Kendra says, reaching out to run her fingers against the wall. Smoothed down by time, coated with a thin layer of dirt. “Let’s make this quick.”

“It shouldn’t be that much farther ahead,” he says. “If I’m remembering where you lead us correctly. Why did you lead us this way, anyway?”

“I wish I knew,” Kendra says. “I still can’t really remember even being here. Most of yesterday is fuzzy.”

“You seemed-“ He purses his lips. “Like you were in a trance. Like Dracula was calling to you, or something. Your eyes were all glazed over, and-“

“And you watch too many vampire movies, apparently,” Kendra says. “If we run into Dracula, I’ll be sure to tell him you’re a big fan.”

“Who doesn’t love vampires?” Carter says. “The passion, the intrigue, the danger-“

“The sex,“ Kendra says, before she can stop herself. She turns her head to him, trying to seem like she didn’t just absolutely embarrass herself. “I mean-“

“No, no, you’re right,” Carter says. “Most fantastical series revolve around sexual desire at their core- Either in praise of it or to demonize it.”

“I see,” Kendra says.

“I minored in Classics,” he says.

“And the Anne Rice?” Kendra says. “Was that in your curriculum?”

“It all starts somewhere,” Carter says. “That’s what’s so interesting about it.”

She lets out a small hum of agreement. “You’re actually… sort of smart, Carter.”

“Glad you think so,” he says. “Certainly makes the years of student loans worthwhile.”

Her eyes follow the sunlight cast against the far wall, the doorway that looms before them.

Her heart pounds in her chest. “Carter?”

“Yes?”

“If I faint again,” Kendra says. “Take me to the hospital this time. Please.”

“Will do,” he says.

“I’m going to try not to, though,” Kendra says, goosebumps dotting her arms. She feels a slight chill, and wonders if it’s because it’s so early or because they’re getting closer to the doorway.

She’s not wondering. She knows the answer. She just doesn’t want to admit it.

Without thinking, she wraps her hand around Carter’s, pulling him off her shoulder and squeezing his hand firmly in her grasp.

“Do you want me to go without you?” he says. “You’re- Kind of getting that look again.”

“Just-“ Kendra swallows what little she can manage. “Keep an eye on me.”

“Of course,” he says. “Always.”

She nods sharply, and steps outside.

The sun is harsher than she thinks it should be, almost blindingly white. She winces, putting her arm to her forehead. “This is… it?” she asks.

“This is it,” he says. “This is where you told me the bathroom is.”

“This is not where the bathroom is,” Kendra tells him.

“I’m aware of that,” Carter says.

“Did I say anything else?” she asks.

“Not while we were here,” he says. “You told me last night that the fires were lit, and that there was a bed.”

“In here?” Kendra asks. Her eyes are adjusting finally, and it’s- Well. It’s ruins.

“Yes,” he says.

She blinks a couple times, tilting her head. “A bed?”

“Yes,” he says.

“I think-“ If she looks at it just right, she can see it. She can see the stuffed mattress, the frame. Shouldn’t it be rotted away by now? Shouldn’t the lamps be out? And the fabric strewn over the walls, and the plants- “You don’t see it?” She walks closer towards the bed, the fires casting her shadow against the floor. Carter follows behind her, holding tightly onto her hand.

“Kendra,” he says. “Kendra, there’s-“

She spins around, almost knocking him back. “Carter,” she says, giving him a once over. “What are you wearing? Where’s your shirt?”

“It’s-“ He tilts his head. “It’s still on, Kendra, and-“

She shakes her head. “Something’s wrong.”

“Yeah,” he says. “You think?”

“Something,” she puts her hand to her head. “Please,” she says. “Just see it. Just try to see it.”

He stares at her face, furrowing his brow. “I don’t-“

“Please,” she repeats.

His features soften, so suddenly that if it should startle her. “I-“ He blinks at her. “You’re so beautiful, Kendra.”

She watches the lamps cast shadows on his face. “Oh,” she says, softly.

“Did you know that?” he asks, taking a step towards her. Taking his hand in his. “You’re the most beautiful woman in all of creation.”

She finds herself getting terribly lost in his gaze, and when he puts his fingers under her chin, she says, “Yes.”

His brushes against her lower lip with his mouth. Pecks her once, softly, and then kisses her in earnest. She shuts her eyes. He’s soft, kind, something tender and slow and unspoken but understood. It feels overwhelmingly, breath-holdingly intimate, more intense than it should be. It feels- He feels-

She pulls back, gasping, putting her hand over her chest. Ruins. They’re surrounded by old ruins and nothing else. “Oh my God.”

He’s shell-shocked, she thinks, as he brings his fingers to his lips. “Kendra, I-“

“You- We- I-“ The wind picks up at that moment, blowing her hair into her face. It feels like it’s trying to push her forward, back against Carter. Or maybe that’s just what she wants? “I need to go get some water.”

Carter reaches for her, guilt seeping out of his every pore. “I’ll come with-“

“Please, Carter,” Kendra says. “I just need to be alone.”

He tucks his hand back. “Right,” he says. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s- It’s fine,” she says, moving past him and into the hall. “It’s totally fine.”

She makes it back to the LEDs before she starts shaking, and back to the front of the temple before her head starts to swim.

Come back, my love. We’re just getting started.

“Nope,” Kendra tells him, and now she is certain that it is a him. “Just leave me alone.”

As you wish, he says.

The silence isn’t as comforting as she wants it to be.

Carter is nice enough to spend the rest of the day at about six feet away from her at all times, looking like a freshly kicked puppy the entire time. Every time she catches his gaze, she gets a pang in her chest- But fuck, she doesn’t want to talk to him about it.

And he doesn’t approach her for a conversation, not until the end of the day, when he says, “You know, I’m still your ride home.”

Kendra’s still scribbling something onto her clipboard. At some point, she’d put her hair up- At another, she’d put a separate pen between her teeth for safe keeping. But the day’s been long enough and hot enough that she can’t remember what that pen was for, or where she got the pen she’s writing with from.

But she actually got a day’s work in, and didn’t pass out. So that’s a success.

“Hm?” Kendra asks.

Carter takes the pen out from between her teeth. “I’m your ride, Kendra.”

Which is a thought she’d been trying to avoid all day, because he would be a good one, wouldn’t he? He’s so strong, and- And this is why she’d wanted him to keep those six feet this entire day. “You mean,” Kendra stares at him. “You mean my ride home.”

“What else would I mean?” Carter asks.

“Um,” Kendra shakes her head. “Long day. Sorry.”

“I know,” he says.

“Thanks,” she says. “For still being my ride.”

“Of course,” he says. “I wouldn’t ditch you over something so- Well-“

“Weird,” Kendra says.

He flinches, slightly. “Yes,” he says. “Weird.”

“Not like-“ She rolls her tongue against her bottom teeth. “Bad weird. Just weird because- Of a lot of things.”

“Fair enough,” he says.

“Have any plans tonight?” Kendra asks him, leaving her clipboard on the table and following him out. “I heard the St. Roch group was going out, but-“

“No,” he says. “No, I don’t- I don’t think that’s a good idea, tonight.”

A pause. It feels like approximately thirty years.

“You?” he asks. “Are you going anywhere?”

“To bed,” Kendra says.

“Solid plan,” Carter says.

She offers him a closed-lipped gesture of agreement, and they walk the rest of the way to the car in silence.

They’re about ten minutes from the hotel, stopped at a red light, when Carter goes, “We could do something.”

Kendra look away from the window, raising her eyebrows. “What?”

“You and I,” he says. “We could go… out. If neither of us are doing anything tonight.”

“Oh,” Kendra says, nodding at him. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” he says. “I know this place-“

“You’re asking me out,” she says.

“Yes,” he says. “I am asking you out.”

“Because you kissed me?” Kendra asks.

“No,” he says. “I mean- It didn’t hurt, but I- I mean, I would’ve if we hadn’t. I wanted to.”

“It’s been three days, Carter,” Kendra says.

“Yes,” Carter says. “And I like you, I think you’re- Great. And so I thought I shouldn’t waste the time pining.”

Part of her says, You barely know me. And part of her says, Let’s skip to the date and just get to the part I’m desperate for. And the part of her that speaks says, “Yeah. You’re not so bad yourself.”

So way to go, part that speaks. Nailed it.

He lets a slight smile cross his face, taking an incredibly sharp left. “High praise.”

“From me to you?” Kendra says. “Yeah.”

“So is that a yes?” he asks.

“It’s not a no,” Kendra says. “It’s just- I slept like shit last night. And if we go out for drinks, I’ll probably pass out. Again.”

“Sure,” Carter says. “Absolutely. I- Yeah, you said you were tired. Sorry. Kind of jumped the gun, I think.”

“I mean, it’s not like I don’t know you like me,” Kendra says. “You did kiss me this morning.”

“You kissed me!” he protests. “You practically flung yourself at me.”

“Um, you’re the one who took your shirt off,” Kendra says.

His face falls. “What?”

“You weren’t wearing a shirt, remember?” Kendra says. “Can’t imagine why, though-“

“Kendra,” he says. “I- What did you say to me before we kissed?”

“Um-“ She looks down to her hands. “I don’t remember.”

“I can picture you saying something,” he says, staring at her. “But I don’t know what you said. It was… poetic, I think. You have such nice lips-“

“Carter!” she snaps her fingers in front of his face. “You’re driving!”

He jolts like he’s just been woken up, and swerves the car back into their lane.

Which is normal driving for Carter. But still.

“Holy shit,” Kendra says. “What just happened?”

“I don’t-“ He stares straight ahead, white-knuckling the steering wheel. “I don’t know.”

“Yeah,” Kendra says, shrinking into her seat. “Neither do I.”

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I don’t know what came over me.”

“It’s fine,” Kendra says. She doesn’t think about how sweet he had been, how he’d started to look at her, how she’d been falling, falling, fall-

What would’ve happened if she hadn’t woken up?

And why did looking at him feel like falling asleep? Or at least- Like being in a dream.

She lifts her feet onto the seat, with no small effort given the size of the car. She rests her head on her knees, and says nothing.

Despite her reassurances, Carter still walks her to her room. There hasn’t been a night yet that he hasn’t, and knowing Carter, she’s sure he’s going to make a routine out of it- A habit, at the very least.

“So,” Kendra offers, fishing for her room key in her front pocket. “Today… happened.”

“Yes,” he says. “That is one way to put it.”

She ignores that her back is against the door, that he’s standing right in front of her, maybe closer than comfort should allow. That he’s kind of glistening from a day’s work, that he has dirt spread across his cheek. “And something is… kind of wrong with us, I think,” Kendra says. She wrinkles her nose. “Where is my key?”

“Wrong?” Carter says. “What’s wrong?”

“Did I give you my key?” Kendra asks. “Can you check your coat?”

He reaches into his coat. “What do you mean wrong?” he says. “It was just a kiss, really-“

“And I’ve been-“ She pulls her lips into a line. “I’ve been hearing some guy? Like all day? And I keep thinking it’s you? But then you’re nowhere near me, and-“

“Kendra,” he says. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know,” she says. “I thought I was, and then you almost crashed the car and I almost kissed you while you were doing it, and your voice or whoever’s voice won’t leave me alone and it makes me so-“ She swallows the last word, pressing her hand against the door. Willing it to open.

He studies her expression. “So?”

“It’s not important,” Kendra says. “Do you have my key?”

He raises an eyebrow. “I don’t think- Oh my God.”

“What?” she says.

He looks down, and pulls the dagger out from his jacket. “We forgot to put it back.”

“How?” she says. “I left you there! I told you to put it away!”

“I was going to,” he says. “I thought I did, you’d think I would notice if it was still tucked into my jacket, I don’t-“

She stares at the knife in his hand, tilting her head. “It’s nice.”

“What?” he says.

“It’s a nice artifact,” Kendra says. “I like it.”

“Okay,” he says, tilting her chin up with his free hand. “Kendra, look at me. Is this what you’re talking about?”

She pulls her hand out of her pocket, and wipes the dirt off his cheek with her thumb. “We could keep it,” she says, stroking his cheek.

He looks at her lips, traces his gaze along her neck, down her collarbone. “Yeah,” he says, slowly. “We could.”

This time, there will be no debate of who kisses whom- It is in equal measure, less of his gentle romance and more of his hand taking the back of her head and holding her in place. She grabs his hips, and he takes that to mean he should pin her against the door with them- And yes, fuck yes, that’s exactly what she meant by it.

She tilts her head and his nose brushes hers, pulling away from his mouth just to move against him again this time, more intently. She’s sure she should be breathing, probably, and maybe she is, maybe she’s panting as they kiss and kiss and kiss-

He drops the dagger to move his hand to her stomach, thumbing the wrinkles of the fabric and making her shudder. She nips at his lower lip. He starts to untuck her shirt from her jeans and-

“Carter,” she gasps, moving to hold him by the back of the neck. He kisses her collarbone, and her eyes flutter. She wants this, she needs this, her entire body is begging for it. She rolls her hips against his leg, and again, and again- “Please, my love, I-“

He stumbles back.

She slumps against the door, desperate for air.

“Did you just say you love me?” he says.

She shakes her head, running her fingers against her skin, she can still feel his mouth there and fuck, fuck- “I don’t- What did I say?”

He looks at her lips, and back into her eyes. “I- I don’t really- We should-“

She puts her hand against the center of his chest. “What are we doing? We’re in the hallway and I- We-“ She was humping his leg, to be blunt, and while she’s on the topic of bluntness she should mention that her underwear is soaked and what the actual, ever-loving fuck?

“Maybe we should both just go to bed,” Carter says. “Okay? Let’s just… cool down. Go to sleep.”

She nods in agreement. “Yeah. I’ll uh- I’ll see you in the morning, Carter.”

He backs away, one step behind the other, like he’s half-waiting for her to change her mind- Or maybe because he hasn’t made up his. “See you in the morning,” he says, and finally allows himself to turn away, disappearing down the hallway.

Kendra slides her back down the door, falling onto her ass with her legs splayed out in front of her. She idly picks up the dagger where he’d dropped it, wondering if he’d forgotten about it entirely.

She tilts it in her hand, noticing something odd along the blade. An inscription?

Had that been there before?

Kendra leans closer to it, and yeah, that’s definitely… something. It’s not in any language she’s ever seen before.

It’s a gift, my love.

This time, Kendra doesn’t question what he’s saying. “For me?”

Who else?

Kendra rests her head on the door. She should go get a spare key from the front desk. Or try harder to find her own. She should want to do something, anything but march down to Carter’s room and make him handle this, make him fix this, maybe then the longing and the desperation and the horniness will stop-

“Hey, guy in my head?” Kendra says, quietly. “Could you make this all stop?”

My goddess, he says. You should know we’re only getting started.

She lets out a small groan- It’s half distress, half sexual frustration.

There’s no way she’s going to be able to sleep tonight.

[plantohead]

I just rant about how terrible my “mother” was so yeah that’s all. Basically, I legitimately hope she dies soon because right now she’s lashing out about her beef with me and hurting my sisters and I’m not cool with that, but I’m also in no position to put myself between them because I really can’t handle going back into that situation. So yah, this terrible person should just drop dead, preferably soon, like tomorrow maybe.

Sue thinks I would be giving myself a bad image if I aired our dirty laundry but joke's on her because she's the only one that looks bad. She also thinks I'm telling lies, but joke's on her the only liar is her because anyone who knows me knows I am a terrible liar. I can't even play the card game BS. Middle-school me was more hardened than I am now.

Sue was a toxic af person and I can’t believe it took me so long to realize it. She planted the seeds at an early age and undermine my confidence, agency, ability to stand up for myself and enforce boundaries, and my happiness and wellbeing. She would say terrible things, gaslight me, and was all around just horribly emotionally abusive. She made Dan into a toxic person, too. She made me toxic. She plays family members against each other. You had to side with her on everything, and everyone else was wrong about something, and usually something big. Dan was not a good husband. Her oldest child was ungrateful. Her middle child was too shallow and didn't love her. Her youngest child couldn't learn anything right. Oh, but she was never in the wrong. How dare you insinuate such a thing. The mere suggestion could send her flying into a rage. I'd say she was a screaming banshee or a screaming harpy, but the truth is she outscreams them both. Simultaneously. As in, if both were screaming, she'd still win. Distance doesn’t help, either. If she can’t scream at you in person, she’ll just send you more than 300 texts in one day (I let them accumulate one day and literally my notifications were over 300) telling you that you’re a terrible person and the worst child ever and you’re such a loser, you won’t amount to anything, oh and your boyfriend doesn’t actually love because only a mother could. Rinse and repeat for the next 5 days.

I have grown up being told I was lazy. I believed that for the longest time, and I'm still unlearning it. I was lazy despite having learned to play piano, flute, and guitar and having a brief stint with the violin and piccolo. I was lazy despite maintaining high grades while being in marching band in high school and joining the jazz band in my last year (I was terrible by the way, I'm through and through a Classical/Romantic period pianist). I was lazy in uni when I earned top grades while going to concerts, attending ballroom classes, training in wushu, taking additional credits, reading books outside of school, sketching, studying for the LSAT, rehearsing in a band, writing songs, and writing a thesis. She never believed I studied because all she ever saw were photos of when I was having fun. No shit sherlock, I take like 100+ photos and 50 videos of just one concert, and I'm not going to take pictures of my calculus notebooks, please... But so be it, I was lazy, and now every time my work ethic comes into question, I spiral out of control and become exactly what I'm supposed to be: lazy.

I was told that I was ungrateful, hateful, and oversensitive. Never mind that being told you are ungrateful and hateful would lead to some sensitive feelings. Never mind that you are supposed to raise the child you so graciously decided to give life to because it's your goddamn responsibility. Never mind that said child might occasionally hate you when you slam your hands on the table and scream at the top of your lungs at them and call them names, maybe hit them across the face a couple times. Never mind that I might have been ungrateful because you always said you owed me nothing when yeah, you did. Parenting. Love. Some emotional stability. Maybe you should actually try it out. Oh wait, you blew it, go rot in hell.

I was raised such that my talents and accomplishments were turned into an extension of Sue, while all my perceived faults were because I wasn't good enough. I have been made to doubt myself with guilt-tripping, manipulation, and gaslighting. Get this: after I came out about my sexual abuse, at some point I asked to log into my Facebook account on Sue's tablet. I forgot to log out when I returned to uni, but I didn't think it would be a problem. No, I was wrong, BIG PROBLEM. Without my knowledge or consent, Sue monitored all my Facebook activity and messages. She was "worried" because of my abuser. You know, the one that had fled to Japan 7 years ago and who I had blocked on Facebook. That one. When I found out what she was doing, she had the gall to tell me she was doing it for my own good. Not only that, but then this August, I brought it up again because it unfortunately became relevant AGAIN, and she had the audacity to first deny she ever did such a thing. I told her I still had records of it somewhere in my email archive because those things never die. I KNEW I had them, but I hated how I doubted myself for just a second because I was so used to this type of gaslighting. After she realized she couldn't get away with the lie, she played the guilt card again. It was in my best interests. It was because she loved me and was worried. BULL.SHIT. You just fucking lied to my face! You're just trying to cover your ass. What she did was complete disrespect for my boundaries and agency. And that's just one example out of my entire frickin LIFE.

Sue also always made everything about herself. When my flight to Albany for the bar exam was canceled, I panicked, had a meltdown, and cried. Of course, later, Sue would keep saying she was so distraught for me that she also cried. Cool?? Okay??? What, you want a cookie for that or something? Why are you telling me this five times? (I’m not kidding, I counted, it was at least five times.) Or whenever I was having a depressive episode about my abuse, she made it about herself. Oh, she couldn't get up for three days when she first found out, she was so distraught. It was so hard for her to work on my case. Coolcoolcool, okay, well, it was MY BODY HE TOUCHED SO IMAGINE THAT. I used to feel so terrible, and seeing how much it upset her was the one thing that made my sexual abuse really feel intolerable. Now I just want to light Sue on fire every time I think about it. Or any time I was depressed at all, she turned it into a competition. No support, no love. Just, "You don't have a reason to be depressed, if anyone it's ME." OKAY BRO, MORE THAN ONE PERSON CAN BE DEPRESSED, IT'S NOT IDEAL AND IT SUCKS BUT IT'S POSSIBLE!!!!

God and she was so HYPOCRITICAL. One year, I forgot Mother’s Day because first, I think these stupid consumerist holidays are a hollow scam, and second because I was writing a brief for the immigration judge on an asylum case. It was a big case that was very important and could change the landscape. I wasn’t going to slack and throw it. Of course, Sue gets extremely upset despite seeing me work on this nonstop since I got home a week prior or whenever, and later goes into complete screaming neurosis again. Yet, on my birthday, she picked a fight with Dan and turned into an army of screaming banshees and I hid in my room all day to avoid the chaos and her wrath, yet I never complained. And then after she drove out and came back, I played therapist. Did I hold it against her? No, no I didn’t, and the fight really was over something trivial. Yet if I forget Mother’s Day because I’m working on a pressing case, she must once again unleash the army of banshees. I’m really not exaggerating, I cannot begin to describe how she screams, not even my two toddler cousins can match her in volume, harshness, or intensity.

Sue made me play marriage counselor, mediator, and therapist for her. It was the worst. First of all, if you have marriage problems, maybe don’t turn to your child when they’re like 12. Go find a marriage counselor. And stop coming to me every time you have a tantrum (I can’t say fight because it’s always just a one-sided screaming match). Stop unloading on me one-sidedly all the time, it’s not even a conversation anymore when you don’t listen to anything I have to say and just talk about whatever the fuck you want. And stop dragging your husband in front of your children, go get a neutral party for that and stop manipulating us to turn against him. It was always so uncomfortable when she did that. We’d separately tell him in private that we didn’t agree, but any time we tried to really stand up to Sue, she’d start the crazies. Screaming, hitting people, slamming doors, dangerous driving, you name it. I should’ve let her kill herself in a car crash, but that would endanger someone else who doesn’t deserve that.

And there was just the general lack of support for my chosen career path. She always said she never pushed me in any direction and let me choose, but she fails to recognize that "barely tolerating" does not equal actual support. Actually, you can't even say she was tolerating. She didn't like that I wanted to go into public interest. She kept telling me people were going to lie and cheat me, even though there isn't really a way for my clients to cheat me out of anything, just as a practical and logistical matter. She encouraged Dan to join her in speaking about my path like it was some gross fly that had been smeared onto their windshield. I never broke confidentiality, but they would act like they knew my clients and would make disparaging remarks about them simply based on stereotypes and assumptions. When I first got the offer to go to Ghana, I didn't tell her for a week because I knew it would not go over well. When I did finally break the news to her, she pulled out ALL the stops. Crying, guilt-tripping, making it about herself. "Why do my children do this to me?????" she bemoaned. Jesus hell, lady, it's not about you, I’m not doing anything to you I’m just moving to Accra for work. Even if I die in this line of work (which I WON’T??) it’s like, I’m an adult who can make decisions about the direction of my life, sucks. And then she encouraged Dan to disparage Ghana based on stereotypes about the entire continent of Africa. I was going to a "wasteland," and they always said it with such vehemence and force behind their words. That was the truly ugly part, their tone of voice. I corrected them multiple times, saying Ghana was actually quite green, there were beaches, forests, and waterfalls, and that there is actually a sizable Chinese expat community and that I have contacts in Accra and the city is very friendly. My words always fell on deaf ears because they - especially Sue - insisted on their narrow world view. And the irony is Sue always told me I have no life experience, but it honestly seems like the other way around. She told me to buy travel insurance when I need expat insurance. Those two are indeed different things, and it definitely matters which one I get. Don't be stupid, you don't have any life experience.

Oh and she keeps asking for money, like 30k, for costs of raising me and sending me to school. Lmao that bitch can go fuck herself, if anything the ho owes me for IIED.

In conclusion, Sue is a crazy bitch who never should have had children and needs to be contained.