#this show specializes in bad first impressions but that one probably wins for so absolutely making me despise a character

[swallowtailed]

writing fic and rewatching some early chimera ant stuff. the very last moment when kite's facing down pitou in 85, when it starts to rain, is still so affecting to me. the arrival of a storm is such a relief in the field, to finally relieve the dread and find calm in the reality of the crisis. this, after ten episodes of mounting tension, sensing the threat without knowing the source, and finally seeing pitou arrive. as the storm breaks. and that combined with the framing of the scene, where we understand the rain to signify kite's death... i will never recover. they put field ecology in this show

[lov3rachan]

OT8 Meeting the family: Christmas edition

“So this is Christmas” - Happy Xmas (War is over), John Lennon

Summary: Your boyfriend joined you in your home country for Christmas and he finally got to meet your whole family. You warned him of how intense it was going to be, you really did. What he did not expect, however, was making rounds to meet your giant extended family for three days straight, hosting meals and exchanging gifts with all of them.

Warnings: big family, bad puns

With the same concept: nothing

Genre: Fluff, humour, gender neutral (you/your), non-korean reader

Comment: Kind of self indulgent and way more like precised (the reader i mean). Literally SKZ if they were faced with my Christmas schedule lol. I got like more than 70 relatives (to meet) and I’ve been juggled back and forth from one gathering to another these three days. I’m filled with food. #Exhausting. To be honest I’ve fallen down the rabbit hole called Seungmin, so this was meant to be for him only, lol. Sorry for not posting sooner but I was swamped. I wa smeant to post a Christmas series but.... yeah no. Hope you like it, merry late Chris-tmas and happy early new year!

Requested by: nobody

Written: 28.12.2024-29.12.2024

Bang Christopher Chan (19/20)

- He wants to know everything about you and your family. He yearns to be as involved in your family life as you are in his, as he sees you as family already.

- He is buying small presents for the key figures (those you find most important such as close relatives or special ones) and of course, for the children. Expensive gifts… he tries to hold back on the adults’ because he knows how awkward things can get but he will not have a budget for the children’s toys.

- He thrived on the gatherings. Sure, he was exhausted at the end of the day but he was also giddy and kicking his feet, talking your ear off about how happy he is that you’re sharing these moments with him.

- He got along with everyone. Sure, he had a slight language barrier with those who spoke neither Korean nor English but he tried, with what he learned from you. He was very fatherly towards all children and he impressed everybody with his nurturing side. He was also sure to show and tell everybody how much he cherished you and how serious he was about your relationship.

- He won’t hesitate to strike up a conversation or play with kids while you get your greetings done (if he has introduced himself already). He definitely let you take the lead though, as he is your boyfriend and the family is yours… for now. Once introductions are done he won’t shy away from going solo though he will definitely try to stay close to you.

- During game night, much like he did when playing UNO with Felix, he couldn’t help but laugh when seeing the desperation on your face (or your relatives’). He is a good sport though and he will probably let the kids win too.

10/10 Everybody liked him. He showed both how responsible and serious he is and how caring and nurturing he can be. The children especially loved him.

9/10 He liked it though he would have preferred to take things a bit calmer and have more time to properly talk with all your relatives… and also some time to spend Christmas with you and you only. He can’t wait to do it again.

“I hope we can do this when we get back to Australia, love. It won’t be as grand but.. I’d really like for you to one day spend Christmas with my family. And maybe we’ll one day spend it all together. Merry Chris-mas... get it?”

Lee Felix Yongbok (18/20)

- He wasn’t very worried to be honest. Sure, he got a bit nervous before the first gathering but nothing too worrying. He was super excited about it though. Felix will definitely ask the most random questions and be incredibly curious about your family traditions or anecdotes.

- He doesn’t want to pressure anybody so he prepares gifts for your close family and lots of baked goods for everybody. His famous brownies will get him brownie points.

- He absolutely loved the familiar vibe of your Christmas gatherings. He simply added to the festive cheer that was already ongoing. The only issue was that he never wanted to leave one. The intense gathering schedule was… tiring.

- While he is sticking to you during the introductions, he is okay with being interrogated by the adults or carried away by kids. He might be shy in the beginning but he will warm up to his usual sunshine self in moments. He is definitely a cuddle bug but he might get shy if he notices someone staring.

- He got along with everybody. “Nice guy” was definitely his new title. He will try his best despite the language barrier, even resorting to miming stuff if needed.

- Game night… Get him out of there! He tries his best not to get too irritated or be a sore loser… but he almost rages quit multiple times. Avoid UNO at all costs because he can’t handle drawing 12 cards… again. The kids will definitely love to tease him about it and he’ll end up chasing after them as they run in circles around him, card game long forgotten during the chase.

9/10 He is absolutely loved by everybody. Not only did the baked goods make everybody touched and happy but his sunshine demeanour charmed elders and kids alike. Some thought he was a bit of a pushover but they really didn’t care. They definitely teased him during game night.

9/10 He really enjoyed it but he found the continuous moving from one place to another and change of gatherings very draining and confusing. He’d rather hold one big event for everybody.

“How come that your schedule is as packed as mine during my comeback? It’s mortifying to leave one just to meet another family branch… can’t we host one big party next time? Pretty please, sweetheart?”

Han Jisung (17/10)

- He was a nervous wreck. From the first of December to the minute before Christmas he is sweating. He wants to impress everybody but he can’t help but be incredibly worried, no matter how much you reassure him. He needs to nail it (and he will). He wants to show them how mature and serious he is about being with you.

- He is going on a buying spree. He will buy so much stuff, there will be leftovers. Budget? Never heard of it. He just wants to start off on the right food (and he hopes a cool gift will make up for any misstep he might make).

- At first he hates the idea. Too many people at once… that he has to impress as well. He only calms down when it comes to it, as he pretends they are simply STAY. He might end up doing something cringe worthy (while pretending to do cutesy stuff) which will make him get red and embarrassed, making everybody laugh after the initial confusion.

- He is stuck to you like glue. Not like physically affectionate but definitely within two meters from you. If left alone he will become a ball of nerves and look for you like a stray kid (author note: I’m so funny lol).

- Despite his worries… he is funny. He is a born entertainer and he quickly became the life of the party. Sure, some (especially the elders) were worried about how serious he was about you and the bolder ones even voiced their concerns. Hearing that, he got very panicked but, despite the nervousness, he confidently reassured them. Grandparents and aunties are squishing his cheeks nonstop.

- First of all: he’ll probably not get the game right away. Second of all: he gets very excited and an almost childlike joy. He will definitely make everybody laugh at his desperations when he loses.

9/10 Life of the party and definitely liked though the moment there’s a serious subject he’s back to being a nervous wreck. Some of the most serious relatives would have probably liked to see a more “mature” side of him but most enjoyed his demeanour.

8/10 Definitely loved the fun memories but he is also burying himself from his most embarrassing ones. Would definitely meet your family again but just… small doses. He will have a heart attack if he gets this stressed again.

“Did you see that? It was so embarrassing! I can’t look your uncle in his eyes anymore! I shouted UNO when I was left with one monopoly dollar! Agh!!!”

Seo Changbin (16/20)

- Changbin will definitely whine about not being able to host it at your place, even at his expenses. He would have loved to have your family, no matter how numerous it may be, in Korea. He will ask a million questions (some even repeated since he gets so excited he forgets he asked them already). He wants to know everything about your traditions!

- Given how he was “robbed of the opportunity of hosting” he is definitely going out on his Christmas shopping. He is getting so much stuff you’ll struggle carrying it from one house to the other. He’ll tell you he can handle it while flexing his muscles but… he has just two hands. How he expects to carry half a toys shop all by himself is a mystery.

- He loves this kind of thing and he’ll enjoy it for the cheerful mood and of course, he gets to meet your family!

- He is stuck to you like glue simply because he loves you so and is clingy. He will refrain from excessive pda but sometimes he just can’t resist. He will handle himself wonderfully on his own but he’d rather have you by his side.

- He’ll be his loud funny self after the initial nerves. He will definitely get super quiet and shy when complimented but he will send back another compliment just as quickly. He is definitely charming your relatives and the kids. Definitely letting the kids climb on him and giving them piggy rides.

- During game night Changbin is definitely getting loud and being teased left and right. He’ll probably end up your cheerleader and lucky charm. Partly because he doesn’t understand the game rules and partly because he enjoys watching you play (and he doesn’t want to lose in front of your relatives).

9/10 He is very loved but the elders will not enjoy his boisterous self a lot. Grandmas definitely enjoyed his love for eating and food though. Kids? They loved him.

7/10 He was okay with it and he enjoyed himself but… he wants to host next time! He wants both your families under your roof and he wants to share these moments in a house you can both call your own.

“Ah, that was so much fun! I think they really liked me, you know? And man was the food delicious! Gotta get the recipe and have Minho cook it, you know?”

Kim Seungmin (15/10)

- Seungmin would be very thorough in his planning, learning a bit of your language and asking about your family and traditions. He wants the details, their tastes and preferences. Heck, even their favourite colour can’t be overlooked. He knew all he needed to know beforehand.

- He is buying gifts for everybody. That’s not debatable. They will be thoughtful and not too expensive but he will buy them nevertheless.

- However, he wasn’t ready to face so many people at once, being juggled from one place to another. Sure, he was used to fan meetings and so on thanks to his job but he wanted to be liked by your family and that was somehow much harder than facing thousands of STAYS. He enjoyed the gatherings, though he was drained, by the end of the day. He definitely offers to help with chores or carrying stuff if he sees somebody struggling.

- He’ll be strictly following you like a puppy though. He’s scared to mess up if left alone and he needs you there. If alone, though, he’ll try his best, though he would be very nervous. Basically becomes your shadow and never leaves your arm.

- He even stunned some of your relatives by speaking in your language. Unsurprisingly, he got especially along with the elders, despite the language barrier. Kids found him a bit more unapproachable because he was very nervous and so he ended up being very stoic and serious (kind of uptight) to impress the adults of your family.

- He did struggle to keep his cool during game night, getting carried away while playing bingo and monopoly but, luckily for him, your family matched his energy.

9/10 Everybody really liked him though he was a bit too formal/uptight for some (especially those on the younger side). He was very shy at the beginning. They definitely appreciated the thoughtful gifts. The elders loved him and said he “really is a proper young man. It’s hard to find one these days”

6/10 He really liked meeting your family and seeing you in such a familiar setting…. But he is exhausted. Too many parties and people.

“Ah, just how many relatives do you have, huh? I’m tired. I’ll see this through, though. After all, it’s your family. They love you, you love them and I love you. Consider this part of my Christmas present to you”

Yang “I.N” Jeongin (15/10)

- He is both nervous and excited and he will ask for heads-up about anything he might need to know but he won’t be too inquisitive. He still wants to live in the moment. He will regret that during the drive to the first gathering though.

- He is definitely a big spender and he will buy a little something for everybody. Jeongin is going on a shopping spree and he’s dragging you with him.

- He is definitely shy and clumsy at the gatherings. It’s a lot of people he doesn’t know that are important to you. He will pretend it’s a variety show or interview (especially given how curious and nosy relatives can get) but he will still be very reserved.

- This baby bread is not leaving your side unless he is dragged around by others. He might be taken away by the elders, who become fond of him very quickly.

- He definitely learnt some of your language before so he uses that to impress people, though he gets shy when complimented. Definitely very reserved and shy all the time.

- When it comes to games he is very relaxed about it and he will try to keep a straight face. He doesn’t want to be seen as a sore loser but he wants to win. He will be tense at the beginning but he will definitely loosen up before long..

8/10 He was incredibly shy so people liked him and his politeness but they couldn’t really get to know him well. The elders really liked him too.

7/10 He was unsatisfied with his shyness, as he hoped to impress people. He definitely wants to meet your family again but perhaps in more relaxed settings.

“Do you think they liked me? Ah, I feel like I could have done better, don’t you? Maybe… we could do this next year too?”

Hwang Hyunjin (14/20)

- He doesn’t really plan a lot. He has it in the back of his mind but, apart from the occasional question, he will just go with the flow. He’s confident he can have it go well.

- He is probably doing something artistic and hand made, maybe small paintings. He wants to make his best impression. Definitely buying some traditional gifts as well though. He will probably bring a plant to the host.

- He is used to big crowds so he doesn’t sweat it much… he’s just curious about the family ties and who is who since he has probably never met so many related people. Definitely enjoys all the familiarity in the air.

- He is sticking with you and living for the tea. He will be nodding along but his expression may sometimes betray him. He absolutely loves gossiping with you and your relatives. Does he know who you're talking about? No. Does he still care about the details? Yes, he does.

- Hyunjin definitely knows how to play his strength. He will be impeccable… which might make him a bit unapproachable to some but he is quick to notice and adjust his attitude if needed. He will get along with people very well… he might have his dramatic moments but nothing too excessive.

- During game night he is very composed, he doesn’t care much… or so he says. His side-eyes are pretty eloquent.

8/10 He charmed some but others were distracted by his physical aspect and judged him for it, worrying he wouldn’t be serious about your relationship, especially given that he is very emotion-driven and his interests vary a lot. His being a drama king definitely hurt his image with the elders but the adults and young kids liked him.

6/10 He liked it but he was exhausted after two days of it. He would have liked to take his time with each instead of being thrown around like a ping pong ball from a gathering to the other.

“That was worse than my tour’s schedule! I mean… how many people do you have in your family? Y’all could take over Korea and then some! You’re an army! If you were all STAYs we’d be at the top of the chart! I know we are nonetheless but… you get the point! And I still can’t believe your cousin broke up with her boyfriend!”

Lee "Know" Minho (13/20)

- He is very nervous but he’ll try to pretend he’s not. His mind is set on making a great impression. He might even learn your language, at least the bare minimum. He is definitely asking more about any traditions you might have. And cats. He will freeze up when it comes to it though: he”ll become a ball of nerves and he’ll get very silent and stoic.

- He isn’t bringing gifts for everybody. He is only getting them for your close family. He is preparing an insane amount of food for all. Is it stress cooking? Yes. Will he play it off as him only being generous and wanting to impress your family? Absolutely.

- He is definitely offering to cook and helping with chores and heavy lifting (much to your family’s protests). He isn’t very much into the big crowd but he will vibe with it.

- He is pretty independent, probably choosing a corner to park himself in while he waits for you. If there’s a cat he is all over it. He will probably interact with you if you call him back but if he feels you’re having a family only conversation he is leaving you space or standing by your side while nodding… even if he understands nothing. He will definitely flash his cat pics.

- He will be very silent and serious, though he might play around with kids a lot, making faces and pranking them. He definitely struggles with the language barrier but he tries his best to act present. He will be nodding along and matching your expression.

- Games need no words (mostly) so he does get a bit more into it, acting like his usual self. Definitely laughing at other people’s game misery.

7/10 They didn’t get a chance to like him a lot because he was either a completely silent statue or mocking somebody. They could see how caring he could be when helping people with chores/cooking/heavy lifting. Plus the cat pics and food gave him lots of points.

6/10 He hated that he couldn’t show his best side. He definitely wants to host a dinner to try and make it up to everybody. He still enjoyed the domesticity of it all.

“Sorry, I didn’t act much like myself. I promise I’ll do better so let’s invite them over one day! I’ll cook delicious food for them and bring the cats!”

[tohwitchesduels]

SEMI-FINALS OF WITCHES DUELS - Battle 49: Viney vs Hunter

Disclaimer: This is not a popularity contest or which character you prefer, in this tournament, you decide who is stronger/better/smarter/etc. opponent.

information for both opponents under the cut to those who don't know what they can do in their battle:

Viney:

Viney specializes in both Beast-Keeping magic and Healing Magic. She doesn't show spells of other kinds. For the purposes of this tournament, I allow Viney to have a powerset established by MoringMark's comics due to him fleshing out her capabilities in the "A Hint of Blue" comic storyline and his comics being beloved by the fan base.

Viney and Hunter are friends in general but due to Viney's temper and Hunter's past actions, Viney rather treats him more like an enemy than her friend for the moment being. She specifically waited to have her revenge for the time Hunter threw her to prison even if she holds no bad blood regarding it according to her. At least to say, Hunter's going down while being confused. After all, defeating him will advance her in the rankings and she could potentially have second place in the tournament as clearly because of Willow she won't be getting the first one.

Viney is a fierce and intimidating competitor who will stop at nothing to win. She can get even more ruthless and petty when facing her friends claiming them to be traitors. Her magic is also quite impressive if not prodigious. The girl is absolutely skilled and at times quite chaotic. Viney's in it to win. She can be however a bit hasty in her approach. Viney has plenty of physical strength to back up her punch.

Viney does possess a Palisman and is quite a proficient flyer. With her fighting spirit, she can rush at her opponents furiously and knock them out with her physical strength. However, at the same time, she gets tunnel vision, and her attack can still be blocked, knocking her out in the process.

Quick Heal - Viney is capable of very quickly healing wounds of hers or others (only available during Battle Royale when it comes to other people, no way she's healing her opponents unless it's after the battle but that's debatable due to her personality). According to Viney, the only scars she has are emotional making her quite a proficient healer who can leave the battle without a single scratch on her.

Healing Shield - Viney is capable of creating a shield-shaped hand to block any attacks coming her way from simple bullets to even raging streams.

Medical Knowledge - Viney has enough experience to come up with remedies on the fly while also understanding both the strong and weak spots of the body of any witch/demon, meaning Viney knows where it hurts the most and you bet she will use that knowledge to her advantage.

Griffin Companion - Viney can summon Puddles to aid her in battles. Puddles can at times be wilder even than Viney herself, but Viney is still his master and he listens to her commands. Puddles is both strong and smart, a large griffin that can give Viney's opponent just as much of a hard time and is even more fierce than Viney, dealing huge damage. Also much like other griffins he probably possesses spider breath, which Viney can use to attack her opponents with an army of crawling spiders. Viney can ride him naturally. It's worth noting that Puddles doesn't like Hunter.

Muscle Growth - power-up which came from MoringMark's comic. Viney can enhance her muscle to enhance her own strength to a superhuman level when attacking her opponents. (I will not post screenshots of Mark's comics but I will leave parts of the comics where he demonstrated this ability so you can support HIS art).

Equipment attack - power-up which came from MoringMark's comic. Thanks to her medical knowledge, Viney can throw medical equipment at her opponents using this or get her hands on a weapon of said equipment.

The comics of Moringmark in question

Link to more of Viney's capabilities here

Hunter The Golden Guard:

I will only mention moves by names rather than delve into specifics as they're too large for that. In the name (with a few exceptions for the sake of clarification for some), there's a link to more of Hunter's capabilities.

Hunter "Insert your preferred surname/s for him", also known as a former and the youngest Golden Guard in history, head of the Emperor's Coven, Emperor Belos's right-hand man. One must know that unlike other contestants (aside from Luz) he's not constricted to specific covens and tracks since as a former leader of the coven that allows all kinds of magic, Hunter will have expertise in all types of coven magic as well, and he's also very dedicated to studying wild magic.

Hunter and Viney are teammates and friends. Currently, the only thing that doesn't intimidate Hunter more than competitive Viney is Puddles still holding a grudge. Not that it phases him as he already faced him before.

Hunter himself was also known as a genius teen prodigy and is undeniably a child soldier who was raised by both hell and the library to get to the very top. While he was born magicless, it did not stop him from earning his title as the right-hand man of the most powerful witch of the Boiling Isles. Hunter spends days and nights both training and learning everything about magic both as a duty and as fun. He's incredibly knowledgeable regarding all kinds of magic, meaning it's hard to actually surprise him with anything. And since he's a child soldier raised in a magical military with no magic by himself, Hunter had to survive hell even worse than some of the adults that also were part of this coven went through, and he survived it all. Hunter has already been to countless witches' duels beforehand, he made it several times through a maze full of traps, and judging by how he calls getting from the top to the bottom of the mountain alive "a classic", this might as well suggest that this Hunter's version of "summer camp", as he did that numerous times and he considers it "fond memories". Hunter without a doubt has the most experience among all participants when it comes to battling, because you know Belos never gave him a break or easy time and for Hunter to be where he is today is all thanks to his own strength, intelligence, and resilience.

Hunter certainly has one of the strongest wills among all characters in TOH, as despite going through a ridiculous amount of pain, he is capable of brushing it off and pushing forward, with his only weakness being Belos. Hunter's willpower was even able to withstand Gus's trauma bubble which specifically puts you through your worst memories and even renders you useless, but Hunter resisted its effect and calmed Gus down instead, despite his pain being very fresh and severe and Hunter in fact not being ok with it, but Hunter keeps on going anyway. One must know it's very hard to break him, trust Belos, he tried but didn't succeed. Hunter even managed to resist Belos's possession for some time, which is a lot considering Belos was his abuser and had power over him metaphorically and physically in that moment.

Hunter displayed throughout the series to have some great athletic skills and agility, being able to keep up pace with running Luz without breaking a sweat while proving he has experience in parkour and acrobatics as seen in him flying on staff. Certainly, he can use his skills to evade incoming attacks with his reflexes while keeping up with his opponents and close distance between him and his enemies. He also has plenty of brute strength at his disposal as well, considering he managed to shatter falling debris by just swinging his staff in one hand.

Hand-To-Hand Combat - Hunter has proven to be efficient in hand-to-hand combat throughout the series. While Hunter overall plays more on defense as a protector rather than offense, he is not afraid to throw a punch. This post goes more in-depth about Hunter's proficiency in staff-wielding, but I will explain some of it here too. Hunter as a trained soldier and experienced martial artist has his body be his weapon. He knows how the body works and has great control over it. He defeated both Luz and Eda in his debut with a quick kick while evading their attack, straight-up toyed with Kikimora, and had to be put to sleep to be restrained by coven scouts as he was still fighting and kicking. This also gives him a huge advantage against other competitors who are used to fighting across distance, whereas Hunter fights at a close range.

Back in EC Hunter learned how to be smart, resourceful, and strong, and as I've mentioned before multiple times, he's a child soldier. His opponents usually underestimate him, but he's not the one to be crossed. His victories compromise of defeating Eda and Luz on 2v1 in his debut; immediately defeating Luz in HP once he's recovered; defeating Kikimora in HP; and Tying with Amity in EL after being physically and mentally exhausted, in 2v1 with King (who was rather defeated by Hunter in this duel), while wielding a completely new staff and restraining himself to not kill her but just getting the key; winning flyer derby game on his first try; catching Darius off-guard (which is a feat with Darius's great reflexes); making a strong glyph combo on his very first try; resisting Gus's trauma bubble; kicking ass during Hexside against EC battle; he was defeated twice by coven scouts, which while fair, was also due to his poor condition and the second time he had to be put to sleep to be restrained; handling abomatons and scouts with rest of the Hexsquad during S2 finale; standing his ground and protecting Hexsquad from Belos while being severely weakened in KT; breaking through Willow's vines in FtF with his freshly awakened powers.

Hunter now is sub-merged with Flapjack meaning he does not require staff anymore to cast spells as magic now comes from within. What's more, I allow Hunter to also levitate/fly without the help of any staff. This is more of a fanon ability, but it's supposed to connect him to having the powers of a palisman (but no, he can't turn into a staff, nor is wooden) and abilities of a palisman are usually just enhanced abilities of the holder, meaning flight is in capacity of any witch, but all of them utilise staff since flight on its own is probably hard spell to pull off, but Hunter should do just fine for the sake of this tournament.

And now finally, let's talk about his staff. For the purposes of this tournament, I will give Hunter Waffles. You know Hunter is the best staff wielder in the entire tournament only rivaled by Luz. I already mentioned how Hunter is absolutely proficient with his staff, utilizing it for both offensive and very effective strikes and flawless defense. Hunter is also a real aerial ace capable of flying at high speeds with agility to dodge attacks and is capable of even surfing on his staff as demonstrated when he showed off in ASIAS. His flying skills were also decisive in both forming EE and winning their very first game together.

Flash Step

Comet Charge

Resistance Spell

Block Spell

Underground Escape

Tool Creation

Tying Spell

Battle Armor

Laser Bolt

Lightning Strike

Barrier Spell - not demonstrated in the show itself but in storyboards of Yasmin Khudari, in which Hunter could create a force field to shield Willow from falling debris. In the final product, he just used his own brute strength and staff to protect Willow rather than magic, but I will allow this spell meaning HUnter can create barriers that can withstand heavy hits and create them anywhere he desires.

Flesh-Eating Plant - - this is more of a speculation rather than a confirmed fact, but I rewatched ST, and Luz and Eda weren't originally standing in the flesh-eating plant until GG showed up, so I decided to be funny and say he actually made this plant himself to taunt them, especially since he also knew what it does (which also shows his expertise in plants among many things). Hunter in battles can utilise flesh-eating plants to set traps across the battlefield to both harm and distract his opponents.

Telekinesis

Sand Blast

Sand Construct

Rock Fist

Earth Magic

Water Magic

Aqua Jet

Water Hand

Wall Of Vine And Ice

Return to Masterpost

[adamwatchesmovies]

After We Collided (2020)

After We Collided is a gloriously ridiculous drama, a film that makes the Twilight franchise seem subtle and realistic. It’s professional-looking, free of bad special effects and devoid of cringe-worthy performances but the plot is so loopy it’ll have bad movie fans howling. You'll laugh twice as hard if you catch this sequel right after its predecessor, 2019’s After.

Though it appeared that Tessa (Josephine Langford) had forgiven Hardin (Hero Fiennes Tiffin) after she discovered he only began dating her on a dare, they've broken up. One month later, Hardin is a mess and Tessa is beginning a prestigious internship at Vance Publishing, working alongside the handsome Trevor Matthews (Dylan Sprouse). Desperate to win her back, Hardin approaches Tessa. Despite her best efforts, she finds herself drawn to him once more.

You know this movie is in trouble when it begins Alien 3 style and retcons away the finale of the previous story. Hardin’s got a heartbreak so severe he’s hanging out with bums. He’s stumbling to his favourite tattoo artist to immortalize the pain he’s feeling. Meanwhile, Tessa has won the professional lottery. On her first day at Vance Publishing (wasn’t that where Anastasia Steele worked too?), she’s given a simple assignment: read 5 manuscripts by the end of the week and let her boss (Kimberly, played by Candice King) know if any are good. What does she do? Read all 5 in one night, at the office. The owner of Vance Publishing (Christian, played by Charlie Weber) finds her sleeping at her desk the next day. He’s so impressed, he brings Tessa with him to a club in Seattle so she can sweet-talk a potential investor. She gets to stay in a company-paid hotel, gets a new wardrobe and is practically on her way to owning the business. It's even more impressive once you realize she only completed one year of university.

A big shocker with this film is the grown-up content. After was PG. It’s only been a year but obviously, the audience for this movie has "matured" and so has the rating. This sequel is rated R, complete with more sex scenes than the entire Twilight franchise and a shot of Hero Fiennes Tiffin’s butt. Tessa just pulled down his shorts and she’s looking hungry. I bet the teenage girls who are watching are about to burst too.

I want to direct your attention to the film’s writers. I don’t recognize Mario Celaya (at the time of this review, this is his only writing credit on IMDB) but I recognize the other name: Anna Todd. The book’s writer is now the screenwriter, and it shows. It’s like NOTHING from the book has been cut unless it was absolutely necessary. We meet a whole bunch of characters whose dialogue and interactions with Tessa tell you we’re supposed to care about every detail of their life, but we don’t. The film is so crammed it jumps from wild development to Tessa and Hardin breaking up, to sex scene, to new development, to breakup - with no pauses in between.

There’s so much to ridicule it's hard to pick the funniest aspect of After We Collided but if you ask me, I’d choose Trevor. He’s supposed to be this series’ Jacob but from frame 1, you can tell there’s no way he and Tessa are getting together. The movie tries so desperately to make him the desirable good guy it’s kind of pathetic. The man’s got no personality except being kind and helpful. He’s a robot’s idea of what a boyfriend would be like - and if you weren’t convinced, the post-credit scene will.

After We Collided is not a good movie. In fact, it’s probably among 2020’s worst but one thing’s for sure: it’s never boring. Delightfully ridiculous, melodramatic and tonally inconsistent, it’s got plenty to offer to bad movie enthusiasts who know what they’re getting into. There are two sequels in the works and I can’t wait. (March 19, 2021)

[javic-piotr-thane]

“Like I think just personality wise, Gwen is the most capable leader “

i don’t strictly disagree, much in the same way i don’t disagree that ianto wouldn’t thrive in taking command, and ive said ab my communist theory just now haha

i think my opinion is probably tempered by how i see gwen? which is someone who will take charge & lead but often won’t make the most sensible decisions because she’s too swayed by her emotions (which isn’t necessarily bad, but i think torchwood leadership needs to be more cynical than emotional)

i know these are s2, but i’m thinking of the things that have confused me in her actions (very simplified) - in sleeper, she refuses to promise beth that they will not unfreeze her if they can’t fix her, something beth is clearly terrified about happening (given she kills herself at the end); and in meat she potentially jeopardises people because of her worry for rhys. i also would say the fairies thing too but the majority if not all of the team were upset by that (which i also don’t really understand, perhaps its my autism lol) so that one is more useless as a point here.

there absolutely are moments she excels, but i think chronologically between s1 & 2 she isn’t quite there yet. but yeah, again, odds are none of the others particularly cared to lead and so she was the best option (in that she perhaps did want to lead) but it always struck me as a little odd the newest torchwood agent became the highest ranking one

i think the fairies thing ("how can you give the child to them?!" uhh the child wants to go?? and also otherwise there would be untold revenge??) stumped a lot of people, you're definitely not alone there - i think the writers aimed for a more emotional response from viewers but that didn't quite happen in my impression :''D

and that's actually a good example for a lot of things, like Gwen the main character = the character most of the audience is supposed to relate to. but many (most?) don't.

Gwen is RTD's baby, she's the main character, of course she's in charge. she took over from Suzie who was Jack's Second, and therefore gets to be Second pretty quickly as well. apparently. also main characters have to be special and/or leader characters, that's just how it be. (something something it took Star Trek over 50 years to have a show with a main character who's not captain. only to make her captain later.)

but.... let's take a stop here maybe, because even writing this, i can feel myself slipping back into the negativity i've held for a long time regarding Gwen's... special position in Torchwood, both canon and in the bts and meta sense. and i unironically think leaving that behind was the hardest but also the best thing i've ever done in this fandom. because yeah there's gripes to be had. but i really don't want to be bitter, you feel?? i want to think about and enjoy an interpretation of Gwen (and everyone else, for that matter) that makes me happy and not angry or upset. partially born from fanon, partially born from a mix-up of all the different flavors of canon we have received over the years.

speaking of, regarding the novels; you don't have to rush to read them or anything. some are quite good, but some are something else :''D in fact i think i unintentionally spiralled into a lot of Gwen negativity (i don't like to say Gwenbashing because i like to think i never got that horrible on this blog, but if someone wants to use that term for some of my older posts ig that's fair) back when i first read those, (particularly but not only 12, 13 and 14) because holy fucking hell Gwen's characterisation there is. is not okay at times. everyone is mischaracterized at times in the books but Gwen's bits definitely had the biggest impact on me by far and in the worst way. so maybe. stay away :'D (or only read the first eight for a start, they're decent and have all the people. so double win!)

[lovesosweeet]

MAY THE BEST MAN WIN

competing for the best toast at their best friends' wedding, calum and tanner go from being pretend rivals to… something like friends. maybe a little more? may the best man win.

read on ao3

part ten

Alcohol has been flowing all day, but the dinner has servers coming and replacing every empty bottle and refilling every glass, so Tanner and the other bridesmaids at the table are giggling and rehashing details of Valerie’s dating escapades from her earlier twenties. The 5SOS guys are all appalled at the stories.

“She just left?!” Luke practically screeches.

Tanner and Elle and Elle’s boyfriend all share a look while they snort and nod. 

“Yeah, she just stood up and turned around and walked out,” Elle clarifies.

“What, so he just had to pay for all the caviar and the champagne?!”

“Hey! He ordered it!” Elle’s boyfriend says, defending the bride and one of his closest friends. 

“Yeah, but—” Luke starts, but Sierra shoots him a glare. 

“He literally told her he had her measurements memorized on their first date, Luke, what do you expect? And he was an absolute dick about it, flaunting his fucking trust fund,” Tanner grumbles out. Her drunkenness is obvious as her words sort of blur together. She’s not long gone, just very clearly tipsy. 

“And then you have Ashton, who took her to a private yoga class on their first date,” Calum says. He’s giggling like a schoolgirl with pink cheeks and a subconscious tendency to keep leaning towards Tanner.

“He was trying really hard to impress. Comically.” Michael shakes his head while he speaks.

“He didn’t need to impress,” Tanner says. Her grin is almost ear to ear. “And guess who got them to talk to each other? Me!”

Calum narrows his eyes at her. “You really think they wouldn’t have eventually slid into each others’ DMs?”

Tanner scoffs. “You think that Valerie Summers checks her DMs?”

That stunts Calum’s thoughts and he has no idea how to answer. He doesn’t check his DMs, and he can only imagine that the thirsty people in Valerie’s would be just as bad, if not worse than, the ones in his. 

The classical music composition that’d been playing throughout dinner gets quieter suddenly, which Tanner wouldn’t have noticed if not for almost everyone at the table turning their attention to the center of the future dance floor, where Mr. Summers is standing with Ashton’s mom. 

“Good evening, everyone,” Ed speaks into his microphone, catching everyone’s attention.

Calum’s elbow digs into Tanner’s arm. It’s time.

“Anne-Marie and I, and of course, my Eleanor,” Mr. Summers says and waves to his wife across the room, “would like to say a gracious thank you to everyone for being a part of this very special day. Everyone here has played a pivotal role in either Valerie or Ashton’s lives, or, more likely, in both.”

He hands the microphone to Ashton’s mom.

“We know we’d probably embarrass them if we spoke more, so instead, we’ve written Ashton and Valerie letters that we’ll give them at the end of the night.”

The crowd laughs at that, and Tanner looks over at the sweetheart table where she sees Valerie let out a sigh of relief that her father isn’t about to speak about Valerie as a child in front of everyone. 

“But, not everyone will do them the same courtesy!” Anne-Marie says, laughing.

Ed takes the microphone back. “The show is about to begin,” he jokes. “We have a few musical performances lined up, but we’ll save those for later, when everyone is on the dance floor. Before we do that, though, the best man and maid of honor have some toasts to give! Everyone, please give your eyes and ears to the very funny, very talented best man, Calum!” 

Calum’s cheeks are flaming hot red as he stands from his chair and strides over to replace Ed and Anne Marie on the center of the floor. 

“Hello, everyone,” Calum speaks, his voice wavering and his hands shaking. “It’s kind of crazy. I can speak to an arena of people I’ve never met before in my life like it’s my job. Well, because it is.

“The second you put me in front of a room full of people who actually matter, and you don’t want me to sing, or play bass, or make jokes… it’s like I’ve lost any sense of stage presence, so I apologize for any bit of, uh, stage fright, I guess, that comes through.

“You know, it’s kind of rude, to be honest, that this is Ashton’s first wedding. I mean, Valerie is great and all — love you, Val — but, this wedding is actually well over a decade after Ashton’s first proposal. And by that, I mean, my proposal. 

“For those of you who haven’t spent hours wading through 5SOS lore on the internet, after our first performance as a band, all the way back in 2011 in Sydney, I got down on a knee in front of Ashton and proposed. I didn’t propose marriage, although, maybe I should have. No, I asked him to join our silly little band that desperately needed our fourth and final piece.

“Ashton, asking you to join our band is the best decision I have ever made. You are my best friend, my brother, my soulmate, and genuinely my favorite human on this planet. I suppose that I can share you with Valerie, your other soulmate and the woman that you have dreamt of for all the years I have known you and longer.

“I’ve felt lucky to witness you find her light in this lifetime, like I can only imagine that you have in so many others. 

“We wrote a lyric a long time ago. Maybe some of you know it. It’s a bit of a deep cut. The line is, ‘nothing lasts forever, nothing stays the same.’ A few years ago, Ashton met another musician in LA. His name is Josiah, and, honestly, I think I like his take on forever a bit more than our angsty teenaged version.

“The line is, ‘nothing lasts forever, ‘cept maybe you and I.’ Well, I’d say that perfectly describes my friendship with Ashton.”

The entire hall of people erupts into laughter. 

“Yeah, yeah, we all get it, I’m joking. Ash and Val, while none of us can predict the future, there is no doubt in my mind that you two are a forever, once in a lifetime kind of thing. Your love is one that I know we will write albums upon albums about, and I can only hope to find someone who shows me the same care that you two so evidently hold for each other.

“I’ve been honored to share a stage with you for this long, Ashton, and I want to say my sincerest thanks to the two of you for the absolute privilege of standing beside you both as you vowed your lives to each other.

“I love you both, and I can’t wait to watch you become the hottest elderly couple on the red carpet in 50 years. Everyone, please join me in raising a glass to the Irwin-Summers!” 

Everyone raises their glasses and hits their glasses against the others nearby while they say a collective ‘woo.’ Calum is grateful that he’s done speaking, and he looks over to the bride and groom who both are looking at him with eyes that are clearly full of love. Val blows him a kiss and Ashton gives him a thumbs up that signals ‘we’ll talk later’ and then Calum hands the microphone back to Mr. Summers.

When he gets back to the table, he pulls Tanner’s chair out for her, making her give him a slight sassy side eye. She doesn’t say it, but she cried while he gave his speech. While her art has always been so visual, she’s always had a strong appreciation for words. Although she’d won gold keys in high school, she hasn’t written outside a journal in years, so she’s not sure how well her speech is actually going to go.

Despite the nerves, she’s just excited to get to talk about Valerie and Ashton, two people that she loves dearly.

“Okay, Calum, that was sweet, but, I fear you may be upstaged. My second daughter, Tanner, is here to give the second toast. Enjoy!”

“Good evening, everyone,” Tanner starts. She’s smiling widely and holding her half empty glass of wine. Her feet are now cocooned in a comfy pair of Nike sneakers, like all of the bridesmaids, which has her dress pooling at her feet without the extra height from her heels. Her hair is now tied back in a loose ponytail, ready for dancing the night away. 

“I know I don’t know all of you, and that’s my fault. If we haven’t met, my name is Tanner, and I have been lucky enough to be best friends with Valerie since we were kids. I don’t tend to be in the same place for more than a few weeks at the time, and that very rarely coincides with Valerie and Ashton’s calendars, so unfortunately, I don’t get to see either of my favorite people very often.

“Valerie, a lifetime with you will never be long enough. I know it, everyone who loves you knows it, and the man that you chose as your husband knows it better than anyone — except for me, obviously.

“When we started kindergarten, we were together. When my father died, we were together. When we started middle school and high school, we were together. When I got my heart broken at the homecoming dance in tenth grade, we were together. 

“These years and years that we have been together have been a time of metamorphic transformation. I have watched you turn into the truest version of yourself, but even when I thought you had reached your highest, you always surprise me, but, truthfully, I couldn’t have ever imagined the amount of light, love, and beauty that you would gain when you fell in love with Ashton.

“What I’ve loved most about watching the two of you fall — head over heels, hard and fast — has been that you have lived every moment with pure intention and adoration and respect for each other. I’ve never seen a love so special, but it’s only fitting that it comes from two of the most kind, creative souls on this earth.

“I don’t need to say it, because I know that you will, but just so it’s on the record: Ashton, please take care of my Val. You’ve got the light of my life in your hands, and I only want to see it get brighter from here.

“Thank you all for listening to my love letter to Val, and a little bit to Ash. I can’t even begin to put to words the joy that this union brings me, so instead, I will leave you with some words that have been around for centuries that I believe that Ashton and Valerie live out every moment of every day. Homer wrote them.

“The gods envy us. They envy us because we’re mortal, because any moment may be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again.”

Tanner smiles at Valerie from across the room, and for the first time today, and possibly the first time in years, Mrs. Irwin-Summers is crying. 

“To Val and Ash!” Tanner raises her wine with the rest of the room, and then downs the remnants before she hands off the mic and walks back to her seat. 

Music starts playing as she sits down again, with her entree unfinished, she’d planned on eating a few more bites while the dance floor got warmed up. The whole table is grinning at her as she sits, but she doesn’t really notice it. All she notices is a really weird, nervous look on Calum’s face. She doesn’t say anything to him, though.

“I’m sorry, did you make Valerie cry?” Michael asks with disbelief, but he’s laughing.

“Oh, god, yeah, Tanner is the only one who can do that. You should’ve seen how much of a wreck Val was when Tanner said she was leaving New York,” Sarah explains, which earns her a glare from Tanner.

“No, it wasn’t because I was leaving New York, it was because I wasn’t moving with you guys to LA,” she clarifies.

“Oh, and you can’t forget,” Elle continues while giving some kind of weird look to Sarah that the two of them both understand, but no one else does.

“JAMIE!” They yell in unison.

Tanner groans, ducking her head down to rest in her arms on the table. Talking about her ex, outside of her conversation with Calum earlier, was no on her agenda for the evening. 

The band and their wives look at Tanner, Sarah, Elle, and their partners with huge question marks on their faces. Tanner clearly doesn’t want to talk about it, her face still buried in her arms, while the others try to figure out who’s going to explain.

“Guys, is this really your story to share?” Sarah’s boyfriend asks.

The girls are too drunk to have a filter, so his question goes unnoticed. 

“Looks like it’s not a story Tanner is interested in either,” Calum says, but again, the girls don’t care. 

“Tanner was dating this absolute asshat,” Sarah starts, cutting herself off with laughter.

“Yeah, and then, he just randomly broke up with her one morning. Tanner was losing it in the living room, upset over the breakup, but poor Val had to step out because she couldn’t bear to watch her cry. I went into her room a few hours later to see what was up after Tanner calmed down and Valerie was just sobbing in the corner,” Elle says. 

“‘How could he do this to her?!’ Valerie kept asking, crying.”

“Ugh, it was so sweet. Sad, but sweet,” Elle finishes, and she and Sarah are smiling.

“Can we please not talk about this?” Tanner groans. She’s still hiding from everyone. 

“I’m just saying, it’s a miracle that Valerie has ever cried over anything. She’s got such an intense poker face. Speaks to how much she loves you, Tanner,” Luke says.

At that, the group seems to drop the discussion there, so Tanner lifts her head. She sighs, grabbing her glass. 

“I’m going to go get a refill,” she says, abandoning her entree and just planning to eat lots of cake later instead. She doesn’t look back while she walks to the bar, but Calum is only a few steps behind her, trying to keep up with her pace after she’d suddenly gotten up.

When she gets to the bar, she holds up her glass, and the bartender has already memorized what she gets each time and grabs a bottle of bubbly for her.

“I’ll do another as well,” Calum says from beside her, startling her slightly, but she’s relieved to see that it’s not someone who’s going to talk to her more about her ex or the fact that she can make Valerie cry. He puts his empty bottle of beer on the bartop and fishes around in his jacket pocket.

“Are you stalking me?” Tanner asks, repeating the question she had asked him on the night they’d met.

He laughs, his eyes crinkling on the sides as the memory comes flooding back for him, too. “No, I’m just here to settle my account.”

Her left eyebrow raises in question. “Your account?”

Calum turns pink. “Okay, maybe that wasn’t the right wording. I’m here to settle our bet. How’s that?”

Tanner just tilts her head, unsure of whether he thinks she won or he did, even though she stopped caring about the ‘competition’ long ago. 

The best man pulls a crisply folded dollar bill from the pocket inside his jacket and slides it across the bar in her direction.

“You win,” Calum says. 

A victory smile paints her lips, but she can’t help but laugh as she grabs the dollar bill to inspect it and confirms that it’s not Monopoly money.

“Check your Venmo notifications, Allen.”

Then he’s confused. He awkwardly pats his pockets down to find his phone, and when he does, he opens the Venmo app like instructed.

Received from Tanner Thorne 27 minutes ago $1.00 “The best man wins.”

“Tanner, this is from before we even gave the toasts,” Calum points out.

She gives him a sheepish smile. “I knew yours would be better.”

He scrunches his eyebrows together. “Mine wasn’t better.”

“Yes it was!”

“No, it was not. Yours made Valerie cry! And Sarah and Elle! And Luke, for christssake!”

“Luke cried?”

“Yes!”

And then Tanner is giggling incessantly, which makes Calum start laughing too.

“Well, I think yours was better, but I’ll take this dollar and we’ll both zero out. How’s that?” She peers up at him with her big blue eyes, and somehow, for some reason, she steps closer to him.

“Hmm. No, I don’t think that’s fair,” he says. He looks down at her with twinkly eyes and a hint of a smirk. 

“It’s not?”

“I mean, my ego is pretty bruised since you wrote a better speech than me,” Calum mumbles with an obvious air of sarcasm.

Tanner laughs. “Is it?”

He sighs. “Yeah.”

Unable to keep a straight face, Tanner keeps laughing. “What’s fair then?”

“Can you, uh,” he starts, but the words he wants to say get caught in his throat. All the confidence he had in starting his bit is now gone into thin air and he feels a bit breathless. His nerves from before come rushing back and his heart starts to pound. 

Tanner rolls her eyes. “You want me to kiss it better?”

Calum’s face turns bright red, and all he can do is nod.

That’s all it takes for the short blonde girl to weave her hand into the hair at the base of his neck and pull his face closer to her while she rises onto her tip toes. His lips meet hers halfway, while his hands find her waist and bring her as close to him as he can, something he’s been dying to do all day… and even longer.

“HA! Luke! You so owe me fifty bucks!”

Michael’s voice acts as an instant spacer, pushing Calum and Tanner away from each other even though he hasn’t even made it into a five foot radius of the two of them.

“I thought you guys weren’t flirting?” Michael teases.

Tanner shoots him a cold glare. She grabs her newly refilled glass and takes Calum’s hand in hers, dragging him straight for the dance floor. Calum is floating in his mind, holding her small hand in his while he carries his fresh beer in the other, unable to wipe the childlike smile from his face.

“Dance with me, Allen?” Tanner asks when they reach the middle of the floor. She spins around to face him, steps close enough that she can smell his cologne again, and looks up at the man who’s still blushing from being too flustered to make his move. 

“I’ve been waiting all day for this, Danny.”

Before Tanner can pull out her signature dance move of the macarena, Calum bends down and plants his lips on hers again. The electricity in the air, the time spent wishing he could be closer to Tanner but not knowing how to, the way she looks so ethereal tonight, and the alcohol pumping through their veins make him want to take hold of her and never let her go.

And that’s exactly what he intends to do.

[topperscumslut]

Dating Marvel Sanford Would Include (Hunger Games AU) (NSFW)

this is essentially just my hunger games DR script i mean what

also there is hardly any marvel content on this app anyway let alone smut which is a travesty

it started as just hooking up in the training center before the games

you had taken notice of Marvel since watching the district 1 reaping and seeing him at the tribute parade

he would tease you in training and you thought he hated you

maybe at first he kinda did, he hated the way he was attracted to you

he would poke fun at you for being weak and being from a poor district

basically you guys were the poster couple for enemies to lovers

the rest of the careers hated your guts the same way they did Katniss

Marvel and crew would constantly look at you like a piece of meat in the training center until you showed off your skills with a knife

they were all impressed, although too proud to admit it

Marvel especially

you were constantly feeling his eyes on you, albeit in a different way this time

fast forward a couple hours and he was taking you behind the edible plants station

or in the bathroom, or on the picnic tables, or behind the weapons stations

anywhere he could make you his

well, without getting caught, that was

you were sure there was some rule against tributes fucking in the training center

and his alliance wouldn’t take it well at all

at first it was just sex, no kissing or anything

Marvel didn’t even particularly like you, at least not at first

or if he did, he wouldn’t admit it

not to himself and especially not to you

you were pretty much just a toy for him to get off

not that you were complaining cause you were getting off too

i mean c’mon, Marvel’s kind of an asshole. this isn’t news.

but he can also be a really huge sweetheart

of course, he would never in a million years do anything without your consent. he wasn’t THAT much of an asshole

in fact he loved how enthusiastic you were to do the things you guys did

he loved how much he turned you on, it really stroked his already huge ego

the first time he kissed you really took you by surprise and made the whole endeavor feel so much more intimate

oh, and he’s definitely a pleasure dom

which seemed kinda fun to you at first

it turned out to be even more of a challenge to endure than the games

as time went on he kept dropping little hints that he was falling for you

at his interview he talked cheekily about the “special girl” in his life and how great she was

at a lot of things

he loved that only you two knew who he was talking about

but the way he talked about you was… different

you were both starting to realize slowly that you were falling in love with each other

after training had ended you ended up coming down to Marvel’s room in where the tributes were staying to fool around

it was all fun and games until in the middle of it he said “I love you”

you were surprised at first but you said it back, and you knew you both meant it

eventually the two of you ended up being found out

it took a lot of convincing from Marvel, but finally the careers allowed you to join their alliance

they still didn’t particularly like you though

Clove thought you were a “distraction”

she was probably right

stolen kisses in the arena

you and Marvel finding ways around the cameras to have some *fun* in the arena

this man is definitely extremely horny

not even just horny, but just touchy in general

whether you’re cuddling or hooking up or he’s holding you, he ALWAYS has to have his hands on you

both of you getting so anxious when one of you gets injured in the games

somehow you find a way to win the games together

the capitol loves you two

sometimes you have nightmares about the games, so Marvel will rub your head and whisper to you until you fall back asleep in his arms

he’s a big cuddler

he absolutely LOVES being the big spoon

and teasing you for how short you look next to him

sometimes when the nightmares get bad you wish you had never had to go to the games

but at the end of the day, you wouldn’t trade what you’ve gained from it for the whole world

[babydaddyleorio]

Skating at ‘S’

context: How your boyfriend would teach/train you for your ‘S’ tournament.

Reki

-Reki would teach you how to skate for S in the same sense that he taught Langa how to. He would demonstrate moves for you and then allow you to take the floor and try It yourself.

-Of course you end up falling and busting your ass quite often, but Reki will still cheer you on and encourage you to keep going from the sidelines.

-Reki will spend all night crafting a skateboard that he thinks would be comfortable for you to ride on. He designs It with things that he knows that you like and really puts his whole heart into making It as special as possible since It’s for you.

-During your training sessions, he would search up skating videos that he believes are really good and will pull you close so you can see them. The both of you stare at the screen with sparkles in your eyes as you see a person perform a cool trick and you would be so inspired that you’d have to give it a go yourself.

-Reki would also take you to an S race so you can see firsthand how the skating world operates. At first you think that It’s insane and you kind of regret getting yourself into this, but when you see Reki fly past you with his face focused and determined, your heart would start racing in excitement and for a split second you think that skating against someone wouldn’t be as bad as you thought.

-Reki can not wait to show you tricks that he’s been practicing over the years. He shows you how to Kickflip and Ollie, and the ginormous smile on his face as he’s teaching you let’s you see that skating is something he really loves.

-Everyday with Reki is something to look forward to and you appreciate how much he’s been preparing you. He waits for you at the park as he looks down at his phone, but the minute he sees you his whole body perks up. He’d give you a high five and the both of you would drop your skateboards, riding to the secret hideout with him reassuring you that you’ll do great in your race.

Langa

-Langa is a good skater, but his teaching could use a bit of work.

-Langa would recognize that he probably isn’t the best person to be assigned the role of a coach, so he would recommend Reki to help you, but you would insist that it’s him that teaches you.

-He’s super flattered that you want him to help you skate and would finally agree with a small smile now on his face.

-However, by the first day of practice you realize that Langa is absolutely terrible at explaining things. 

-Langa’s teaching methods tend to intersect with how he would snowboard. He will constantly slip up and use snowboarding lingo or skate as If he’s on top of snow, and he would have to remind himself to teach in a way that you would understand. 

-He would try to demonstrate a move for you once he sees that you’re still not getting it, but the board would end up sliding just as he steps on It, and he’d fall flat on his face.

-Yeah, you always have the first-aid on deck whenever you’re around Langa.

-But Langa insists that despite how bad he is at teaching, skating at S is the most exhilarating thing he’s done. He would tell you about how he’s won most of his races, and at first you would be a bit skeptical since he can barely stand on his board without hurting himself.

-It wouldn’t be until you saw him in action at S that you would finally see just how graceful and how much of a fast learner he truly is. You were inspired and you made a goal to be just like Langa when competing in your S race.

-You would then try to mimic his moves during practice one day and Langa would be so surprised to see you actually getting the hang of it. He would start clapping and shouting loudly for you to keep going because you honestly looked amazing.

-Once you finished your performance, you would stop right in front of Langa and the two of you dap each other with large smiles because you knew that you had this race in the bag.

Cherry

-First, what were you thinking? And second, why ask him of all people?

-Cherry would at first decline teaching you because he honestly had better things to do, but he would eventually give in when you hit him with the puppy eyes.

-He has such a soft spot for you and it irritates him so much that you have him wrapped around your finger.

-Cherry would be a very strict and punctual teacher, one who will immediately point out your flaws and give you precise advice on how to fix them. This is S we’re talking about so there is no room for mistakes.

-You guys would be on a schedule, most likely training in the morning and the afternoons. 

-Cherry would be somewhere in the shade, sipping from his drink calmly as you’re literally screaming at the top of your lungs as you zoom down the hill on your skateboard.

-Cherry would peak over his sunglasses at your body that was now stuck in a bush, but once he saw your legs slightly twitch, he’d come to the conclusion that you were okay although you clearly weren’t.

-He would get you your own technology based skateboard and you would be blown away at all the cool stuff It can do as you ride It. With this, he also gives you a digital layout of the obstacle courses so you know what to expect when it’s time to compete.

-Cherry would definitely be surprised when he comes out to your usual spot early one morning just to see you already practicing. You would have your balance down, be able to dodge obstacles, and be able to control your speed.

-You looked like a full fledged pro to say the least. 

-Cherry would give you a half smirk as he stood and watched you, hiding It behind his fan. 

-He was beyond impressed and would be slightly convinced that you could actually have a shot at winning your match. 

Joe

-Joe is super chill when he’s teaching you how to skate for S.

-He will help you get on the board and hold on to your body as he slowly guides you, slyly releasing you from his embrace once he’s figured you got the hang of it.

-He would keep quiet when he’s watching you, but once he sees that you’re really struggling, he will eventually tell you what your problem is and offer some advice.

-Definitely the type to close his eyes with his hands behind his head, trying not to laugh as he hears the curses and shouts come from your mouth as you continuously fail.

-It reminds him of the time when he first entered a S match and how hard he worked himself to win.

-However, the minute you say that you want to give up, he would sit down next to you and give you words of encouragement. He’ll probably even show you a video that he sneakily took of you and would rave about how great your skills were improving, even If you couldn’t really see the difference.

-If you still needed motivation, he would lazily get up from his spot and show you how it's done. You would be blown away by how effortlessly he skates, as well as how he’s not afraid to take chances.

-You would also roll your eyes because that man is such a show off. His shirt just had to come off, huh? 

-You would eventually get the hang of It and Joe would notice almost instantly. He’s very proud of you and would mutter something under his breath like “I knew you could do It.”

-After you finish skating, he takes you to his restaurant and cooks you a big meal. He’ll be laughing loudly as he tells you how great you’ll do at S tomorrow, plopping some spaghetti in his mouth as he cheeses at you.

[mrpenguinpants]

Zhongli: Dating HCs

Aww, I’m glad you like it. Honestly, it was probably one of my favourite hcs to write aha. Ah yes Zhongli, the man who I refuse to believe has money and is constantly broke 24/7. An accurate reflection of me when I spend all my primogems on Childe and have nothing for Zhongli. 

This is my first time writing for Zhongli so I might have went a bit overboard? When you were gonna write a couple HCs and ended up writing 1k+ words. Whoops? Maybe I should put a read more on this.

[taglist]  <- if you want to be added, please read this first.

@hanniejji​​​ @mikeysbike​​​ @unionwitch​​​ @musekala​​​ @twistedsunnshiii​​ @stanzastic​​

Zhongli: Dating HCs

When you first met Zhongli, your first impressions on him was that he was a very intelligent and well-culture man on Liyue’s traditions and history. That was until you got acquainted with his money and negotiation habits. It gave you a bit of whiplash at how, almost naïve, Zhongli was but it was also endearing? It made him feel a lot more approachable and make you feel like less of an idiot when he started spouting off about things that most Liyue citizen’s wouldn’t know.

Your inner consciousness was screaming at you to help him out. You didn’t want to see him get his entire wallet scammed because he didn’t know how to handle mora. That’s how you basically became his accountant. You didn’t know where he was getting his money but if he was throwing it away so easily, it wouldn’t last long.

After a while, you developed a business-friend type relationship with the man. You would attempt to handle his negotiations and try and fix his bad habit of forgetting his wallet and in return, he’d tell you stories and odd bits of trivia that only someone like him would know. It was kind of interesting hearing him ramble on about different plants and machines. Though he did have a really nice voice too which probably added to the appeal. He mentioned once that if you were to ever pass away, he would see to it personally that your send off would be perfect. You told him he really did not need to worry about that.

Overtime, you found yourself beside Zhongli on simple outings. No need to worry about work or wondering where the actual hell Zhongli got his funds from, just friendly chatter. If you both happened to meet on the Liyue street with no work to complete, he’d ask for your company. Through one of your conversation you told him you were originally from Sumeru so he’d take you to special spots in Liyue, offering small bits of history.

One day, Zhongli had invited you out to dinner saying it was his treat for helping him out so much. You weren’t going to say no to his company and a potential free meal so you agreed. It was an overall good time until Zhongli reached into his pocket to hand you a gift, a case to carry your vision. You had mentioned once when you first met that your vision had been accidently eaten by a pyro slime when you were traveling from Sumeru to Liyue, so the casing was burnt around the edges. It was a shock to you that not only did he remember, since you only said it once in a brief comment, but the casing was actually really beautiful. Zhongli gently reached over to take your hands to put your vision into the new case, his fingertips slowly lingering. Then the gears in your head slowly began turning as the evening lamps reflected on the vision case.

“Wait, have you’ve been...asking me out on dates?” you asked, eyes blinking wide at him as he tilted his head to the side. He didn’t appear mad or annoyed, just genuinely confused by your question.

“Yes? I was under the impression you were aware I was courting you.”

You quickly run through the last couple of weeks with Zhongli trying to see if there was anything that stood out. You suppose he was smiling a bit more, going to more romantic areas in Liyue, and he did just give you a new case for your vision...

You wanted to die right there in your seat as your entire face flushed red. You didn’t even realize. So much for calling Zhongli the naïve one. Zhongli slightly frowned as he took your silence as a silent rejection and slowly slipped his hands out of yours before you quickly curled your fingers around his to keep them in place.

“Sorry, hang on. Please just -give me a second to collect my thoughts.” you quickly stutter out as you unconsciously squeezed his hand tighter as you bite your lip nervously.  

“Okay, take as long as you need,” Zhongli nods. If you weren’t gripping his hand like a lifeline he’s tempted to ease the pressure on your lip so the skin wouldn’t break.

You did really like Zhongli, you wouldn’t have stopped him from pulling away if you didn’t. But going from your casual friendship to something more?

“Um...would it be alright if we could take it slow? I don’t mean anything bad by that nor am I rejecting you. We could see how things go? Whatever happens happens?” you began to ramble before Zhongli cut you off. He slowly loosens the vice like grip you had on him and moves his hand to gently cup your cheek, to trace along the indent you left on your lower lip.

“Yes, I would like that very much. Thank you,” he smiles softly at you as his amber eyes seemed to glow in the dark. On second thought, you might not be able to take it slow, this one look is enough to kill you.

At first, Zhongli would give you material possessions and while it was very nice and his sense of style wasn’t that bad, you couldn’t help but worry that he might have spent his entire life savings. You have to gently remind him that you don’t need these things to win you over. Just to be himself and let things happen naturally. He nods along and actually begins taking notes, as if you’ve told him the meaning of life. It’s a bit embarrassing but at least it show’s that he’s serious.

Zhongli is earnest in everything he does and sometimes a bit too blunt. He’s still incredibly respectful of your personal boundaries and space but if you catch him staring at you he’ll be honest in his reasons why. Sometimes he’ll keep going and that embarrasses you too much to the point you have to reach over and stop him before your face overheats.

Likewise, his affection is similar. He isn’t incredibly affectionate but sometimes he seems to pop out of nowhere or you’ll be mid-sentence and he’ll sneak a small kiss. He isn’t trying to fluster you on purpose which makes you a bit more shy that he can do these acts with such ease.

Whenever he mentions that he may bore you with his information on odd historical and cultural aspect of Liyue, even calling it a  "bourgeois parasite" you quickly shut it down. He should have more confidence, not everyone in Liyue knows what he knows and he should be proud. It’s because of him that traditions are alive, even if it’s just him that remembers them. He wraps his arms around you and embraces you tightly as he thanks you so sincerely, it almost stuns you in place.

If you do happen to fall asleep he doesn’t take it personally. He enjoys the fact that you feel so comfortable in his presence to rest. But he does end up sitting the the same position until you wake up even though you tell him that sitting in the same position, at night, in the cold, for 6 hours straight is not something he needs to do.

You absolutely do not trust Childe anywhere near Zhongli but you’re weak whenever he gives you that small smile. He thinks of Childe as...a friend? Companion? A walking talking bank account? You doubt it’s the last one considering how respectful Zhongli is but you can’t help but worry. But if Zhongli considers Childe a friend then you’ll silently accept him. It slightly helps you get through the day, until you see Childe already sitting at a table waving to you both innocently. I hope you don’t mind that I invited Childe, he says. A part of you wonders if he actually knows what a date is or if the first times were flukes.

When Zhongli is there you’re both respectful with each other, slipping underhanded comments disguised as friendly jest’s. But as soon as he leaves, you’re ripping into Childe. Zhongli comments that he’s glad you and Childe get along so well as you both stare at him as if he’s grown two heads.

Sometime you get so frustrated that you have to sit him down and just clasp your palms on his cheeks as he stares up at you confused. You want to knock some sense into him that while Childe may own a bank, he in fact does not, and he should really stop digging himself into deeper debt with that Fatui. But he gives you that same tilt of the head, a small smile stretching over his mouth, and his amber eyes soften just a tad that it knocks the wind out of you on just how cute Zhongli can be sometimes.

You both never end up formally putting a label on what you both are, which felt a bit unusually to Zhongli who is so rooted in tradition. But as he watches you pout at him that he isn’t filtering anything you’re saying as you pay the merchant, he can’t help but wonder what the customs of Sumeru are in terms of marriage.

[vicsdeangelis]

absolutely agree with you about the new song! I'm so disappointed and now even thinking about quitting stanning Måneskin. I mean not just because of this lame 'supermodel' (it may be a last straw) but in general, like, we all know what has been happening to them lately - they are under such an enormous influence of the usa, it seems they are ready to create shit just to please america and to get cheap fame there. So so sad. And yeah bringing this song to Eurovision, esp after their gorgeous winning 'zitti e buoni', is just...I dunno...really embarrassing.

At the same time I've already seen how many fans are screaming in delight with the new song, some of them are even being aggressive towards ppl who dare to express different opinions. I just want to point out that we are not obliged to love and adore every single thing about Må or everything they do/produce/etc. This new shitty song is a good example of it.

i mean, i definitely won't stop liking them, this is the first song of theirs i have genuinely not liked (like, there are songs i don't care about, but actively not liking? this is a first for me)

BUT OOP, you said something i've been thinking for the longest fucking time

i 100% also get the impression that they're trying to do anything to get the US, and it's fucking sad

i get being starstruck, like. holy shit, they're this young italian band and suddenly the Big Guns in the music industry, all the way in the USA, know about them and want them, that probably feels fucking amazing

but i hoped it would like. fade out? not that they would be like "fuck the us" or anything like that. like, this is business and the market there is huge. i get it. i get it specially because they said the reason they wanted to go to eurovision in the first place wasn't to win, it was to show the world their music, and it worked! and Making It in the us? that's showing your music to the world in a gigantic scale, bigger than eurovision

but i guess i wanted them to do that and not get sucked in, you know? like, i feel like i've been sitting here watching them pandering to the us for months, jesus christ

i remember seeing someone, just a random person i follow who isn't a må fan, saying that after eurovision they would never write a song in italian again, and at the time i rolled my eyes and thought "shut the fuck up". but now? it feels like they were kinda right. not that i literally think they will never write another song in italian, i definitely don't think that. but it's the sentiment of that phrase, you know? it basically means "rip they'll start actively pandering to a global market now". and that's what it feels like?

and you know what's mind boggling about this situation? i don't know if it's me being naive or wanting so bad for it to be true, but they still feel genuine. like, i don't know how to explain it. for example, ethan's story, he seemed really excited about the new single, you know? like, they still feel genuine about their music, but the music itself doesn't...

and about eurovision, i keep thinking about it from an outsider, non fan perspective. imagine they play zitti e buoni, their crowning achievement, the song europe loved, and then they play supermodel. one year after winning the competition, after gaining a huge amount of success for an eurovision champion, they return... us-americanized. i would wonder what the fuck happened in that gap of time, you know?

i've also seen people saying they love it and like, that's great, i'm happy some people are enjoying it, but to me personally if feels and sounds like a big pile of nothing, and that's me being generous

[bigskydreaming]

Doing some writing today off and on between errands and work, and jumping around various Kings of the Sky installments, specifically Dick, Jason and Cass stuff, so probably gonna post snippets from a bunch of them as I go. 

(Kings of the Sky is an AU that goes canon divergent from the point of Jason calling Dick for advice for dealing with Bruce after the Garzonas case and where things end up going dramatically different from that point on. Including Jason not dying, being part of his own lineup of Titans between Dick and Tim’s, Dick being adopted not long after the Church of Blood incident, Cass being the third Wayne kid to be taken in and adopted and with Tim and Duke being next and then Damian coming along later once they find out about him. This is basically my ‘the family’s alright’ AU with largely ‘Good Dad Bruce’ except for Dick and then Jason yelling some sense into him about the other, respectively, in the first two installments, just FYI).

Anyway, this bit is from a story called “In Their Shadows Grow Trees Of Good and Evil,” set about a year after Cass has been adopted, when she and Jason are both sixteen and Dick’s twenty-one. Also just FYI, because canon has never been specific about what ways Cass is neurodivergent due to the comic-book style ‘rewiring’ of her brain so that she could learn to speak later in life, I tend to go with her being dyslexic and having aphasia. She sticks exclusively to sign language and being a silent presence in her costumed personas, so that there’s no chance of people connecting the dots between Black Bat and Cassandra Wayne, as she mostly speaks verbally in her civilian persona and doesn’t hide her aphasia. The reason there’s not likely to be any obvious signs of aphasia in the snippets of her I post is because I wait until I complete something to choose words at random to replace with aphasia-born mixups, so its more realistic and I’m not gearing her dialogue towards deliberately placed moments. Just in case you were wondering.

In Their Shadows Grow Trees of Good and Evil

“Hey Todd,” sneered an exquisitely obnoxious voice. “Why’s your sister so fucking weird?”

Jason sighed the sigh of a soul a mere century into its eternity of damnation as he rose from the lunch table he’d been studying at and crammed the rest of his books into his backpack. Then he pasted a cheerfully bland smile on his face and turned around, geared for academia warfare (teenage prep school edition).

“Hey Craig,” he said brightly. “Why’d you come out of the womb so ugly your parents had to tie a piece of steak around your neck just to get the family dog to go near you? Mysteries abound.”

The advancing junior slowed a step, momentarily rocked by his truly impressive return volley. The grimace Craig’s already gargoyle-esque features twisted into made his face even more unpleasant to look at than usual, which was quite the feat. Jason would have applauded if just looking at it hadn’t already turned him to stone.

But the bargain basement basilisk kept on towards him rather than turn tail and skulk off to pop his emotional blisters, so Jason sighed a sequel to his first one. Looked like it was one of those days where Craig felt up to powering through. Guess someone had eaten their self-esteem Wheaties that morning. Joy.

“You think you’re pretty hot shit, don’t you, Todd?”

Jason shrugged. “I mean, to be honest I kinda have a one track mind, so right now I’m mostly just thinking about punching you in your mistake.”

“My what?”

“Your face,” Jason elaborated with exaggerated patience.

“Huh?”

“Oh my god, I’m saying your face is a mistake. See, its not as fun when I have to stop and explain it to you. Ugh, you ruin everything.”

He neatly sidestepped the older boy as R2-Dumbass stayed frozen, smoke coming off of his internal CPU while trying to catch up. For a second Jason thought he was home free, but then he remembered the universe fucking hated him so haha, sucks to suck. Also, a small crowd had gathered to witness the verbal jousting match, and nothing invigorated an asshole like Craig more than an audience of like-minded peers. So there was that too.

“Whatever. Laugh it up all you want, you little shit,” the junior rallied. “But just remember, mocking your betters will never change the fact that you were born street trash and you’ll be street trash until the day you die.”

Honestly? Not his best effort. Jason almost felt bad using any of his good material. Seemed like overkill at this point. But he did have a strict Scorched Earth policy to maintain, so.....

“Yeah but my dad could buy out and ruin your dad so that means I still win, right?”

He smirked as the barb landed and Craig’s face set into a sunset vista of strangled purple and furious red. Bam. Direct hit.

“Listen, you - “

“Oh for fuck’s sake, it was rhetorical,” Jason interrupted. “I don’t actually care what you think even a little bit. Nobody does. You don’t matter. Please go be irrelevant elsewhere, you’re fucking dismissed, you loser.”

“Speak for yourself, charity case.” Oh goodie, Craig’s backup singers had finally arrived. Now if only he could remember to care enough to learn their names in the first place. Seriously, who told the extras they could have lines? “All the jokes in the world can’t change who and what you are.”

Jason shrugged and continued nonchalantly up the hill to where his sister was standing with arms crossed, staring down at something on the other side.

“True genius is never appreciated in its own time,” he tossed back over his shoulder. “I’m sure I’ll be immortalized in song eventually.”

The mob of morons deigned to let him go without further incident. Though he suspected that had less to do with his scathing wit and more to do with him being headed towards Cass. She was immaculately presented as always, wearing the Gotham Academy uniform like she was born to it despite hating its uncomfortable stiffness every bit as much as he did. But that was just Cass for you. 

For all that she still struggled at times to engage verbally or speak up in social settings, her mastery of body language remained without peer. She could chameleon-camouflage her way into matching poise and posture with anyone - a skill that had allowed her to walk into school on her very first day with her head held high as though she owned everything in her sight. Exuding so much Queen Bee Intimidation Factor even the other hive queens were afraid to approach her  themselves. Sending forth their drones to try and woo her into an alliance, only to see her remain oh-so-casually above it all, a slightly contemptuous smile adorning her lips.

Basically, she scared the shit out of their classmates without them having anywhere close to a true understanding of why, and Jason was outrageously jealous. Rude. Unfair. Why did his siblings always get all the cool toys when all he had was his rakish charm, scintillating intellect and debonair.....nah, who was he kidding. He was fucking awesome. 

“Sup, sis,” he said, cresting the hill to stand beside Cass. “Just FYI, I just took a popularity bullet for you, which means you owe me your dessert tonight. Its a family rule that’s totally a real thing and definitely not something I just made up right now because Alf is making chocolate soufflé.”

She made no acknowledgment and remained stock still, a Colossus at Rhodes peering down into the shifting shadows of the parking lot below.

He peered down as well, though with absolutely no idea what they were looking at. Solidarity, yo.

“So are we staring fixedly at anything in particular, or should I just pick my own spot and commit?”

His humor was totally wasted on her as always. Instead of laughing and telling him what a lovable goof he was, she just inclined her head in the direction of a blonde girl where she was standing next to the driver’s side door of a Mercedes-Benz, dictating final commandments to her peons before departing. Well, probably. Jason was just guessing, based on his own body language reads, and like, general disdain for literally everyone at this school that wasn’t related to him.

He made a face. An extra special one reserved just for this classmate in particular. “Ugh, Madison Dunleavy? She’s the worst.”

Cass raised a cool eyebrow. “I thought Craig Hendricks was the worst.”

“He is. They’re both the worst. Its a hotly contested position here at Gotham Academy.”

She rolled her eyes and nodded back down at the Queen of Air and Darkness. “So. You know her?”

“Nope,” Jason said. “Come to think of it, I’ve actually never seen her in my life. No idea who that is. Can’t help you, sorry. Shall we go home?”

The Eyebrow of Inquisition speared him with clear intent. Who the fuck needed words when you could pack the Encyclopedia Britannica into a single facial expression?

Jason sighed gustily. 

“I had a slight altercation with her freshman year that led to her declaring her undying enmity for me until the end of time. The word nemesis may or may not have been thrown around once or twice. I can’t recall.”

The Eyebrow of Inquisition lowered nary an inch. Ugh, she wanted more? Why did everyone in his family hate privacy, with the obvious exclusion of himself when snooping through Cass and Dick’s rooms for blackmail material, which was actually intel-gathering and thus another matter entirely.

“Okay so basically what happened was my first week here I overheard her talking shit about me and not even twenty minutes later she was pretending to kiss my ass in homeroom, like probably because of Bruce, y’know? So I just busted out laughing and told her to fuck off and die and she has inexplicably loathed me ever since.”

Avoiding further Eyebrow Inquisition-ing, he made a show of peering around aimlessly. When the silence extended and it was clear Cass was absolutely not going to break first, Jason waved a hand in dismissal and took to peering oh so casually at his fingernails. "I suppose I was less tactful back in those days.”

He chanced a look up, finally, and saw his sister’s eyebrow had somehow managed to mighty morphin power ranger its way into a configuration evoking both judgment and disbelief, with the latter perhaps aimed at the idea he was significantly differing in the tact department these days either.

“I don’t love the implications your face is making right now,” he told her.

She ignored him, because of course she did. 

“Does she know Dick?” She asked instead. Jason shrugged.

“I mean, maybe? She’s probably seen him around at one of those stupid galas we have to go to, and actually I think maybe she has an older brother who was either in Dick’s grade or like, one above or below it? I don’t know.”

Now both eyebrows were doing the dance of disbelief. Okay, so maybe that was poor situational awareness on his part, since it wasn’t like Gotham Academy was a big school with a ton of other kids and also he’d only been in the same class as Madison for like over two whole years, but whatever. There were extingent circumstances.

“Look, she’s a total snob who’s always looked down on me and in return I willfully ignore both her existence and that of everyone and everything even tangentially related to her. Its called equality, Cass.”

She pursed her lips and went back to the peering, because of course in the mind of Cass it made total sense that the Grand Inquisition didn’t need to be followed up by any explanation on her part, what the hell. Like was he supposed to have inferred it?

“What’s this all about anyway?”

“I heard her talking about Dick earlier,” she said without peeling her eyes away from her personal recon mission. “I don’t know what she said though, I just heard her say Grayson, and then I was busy looking at what her body was saying. I know it was about Dick because she shut down when she saw me. And I didn’t like the way she....looked....before that happened. The way she was talking. It was.....”

Jason frowned but held back any follow-up questions while he waited - with total patience because he wasn’t an absolute cad, thank you very much - for his sister to find the word she was hunting for. It was a major source of frustration for her, that whatever neural map her brain followed put body language and spoken language in totally different regions of her brain, separated by a fairly great divide. Meaning she usually had to make a conscious choice to focus on body language or conventional languages - whether verbal or sign. But it tended to be one or the other; she’d yet to master taking in and comprehending both forms of ‘language’ at the same time. And none of them had quite figured out how to convince her that she wasn’t actually missing anything when she chose to focus on one specific form of communication - that she was still observing far more than most people ever would.

“Proprietary,” Cass settled on at last. She nodded her satisfaction with her choice of word, and Jason waited a whole two point five seconds before sticking  his whole foot in his mouth.

“Proprietary?” He asked with a scrunched nose as he weighed that for possible context and implications. “You sure?”

She glared. He winced. It was a whole thing.

“Yeah, I know, sorry, sorry, I heard it the second it was out of my mouth. We don’t actually have to experiment with the legitimacy of if looks could kill.”

Cass rolled her eyes, but eh. That could’ve gone worse.

Jason swiftly redirected attention anyway. Discretion is the better part of valor, after all.

“So. The Queen of Air and Darkness was talking about our big bro, and her mood was.....proprietary, huh?” He recapped while digesting the info like a boss. “Well. Definitely not loving that, I gotta say. Hold please.”

Pulling out his phone and pulling up his most recent texts, he began typing furiously.

“What are you doing?” Cass asked.

“Texting Tom,” he replied, because duh. Hah, now it was his chance to have the answers that should be patently obvious and thus make with the ‘are you kidding me’ when she asked obvious questions she should know the answer to! How do you like them apples, sis?

“Why are you texting your boyfriend right now?”

Jason rolled his eyes, because fair is fair, but never ceased texting for a moment. Time was of the essence here, probably. Well, maybe. Okay probably not. But it’d still been like half an hour since he and Tom had last texted and that’s a very fucking long time in teenage years.

“To be our getaway driver tonight, obviously.”

She stared at him. He didn’t look up, but he could feel it anyway. He was very intuitive like that.

“What?”

Jason heaved another sigh, one keyed to tones of ‘oh my god, do I really have to spell this out,” exasperation. He was just racking up the bonus points here. It was really too bad this wasn’t an actual competition he could actually win and this was all just pettiness taking place wholly in his own head. Lame. 

“Well, clearly we now have to go snoop in Madison’s house aka lair to see if its actually a house or a full on lair. Because she’s either a creeper or like, legit evil, and its important to know which one before we proceed, because obviously we can only bust her for being a weird creeper about our brother as Jason and Cass, whereas if she’s legit evil, that’s gotta go down as Robin and Black Bat. I’ll handle the snooping, you’ll take look-out, but we still need a wheelman and that’s why I’m texting Tom. This is all very mission-oriented, okay. I’m a professional.”

“Right,” she affirmed, while sounding anything but convinced. “Why don’t we just tell Bruce?”

Without looking up or breaking stride, he said: “I’m going to give you til I finish typing this sentence to figure out what was wrong with what you just said. Remember that we are talking about hypothetical danger to our brother, and also Bruce’s idea of a proportionate response to any of his children being in even hypothetical danger. And also our brother’s idea of a proportionate response to Bruce’s idea of a proportionate response. Look, you’re still new so I’m gonna need you to just trust me on this one. Its gonna be a no on telling Bruce without further intel.”

Cass said nothing in response to that, which meant that she was conceding the point and recognized the wisdom of his words. Or maybe that she was just gonna go ahead and do what she wanted anyway and just wasn’t bothering to fight about it, but it was probably that first thing.

“Well you better not just make out with your boyfriend all night,” is what she said at last, and that got his attention reeeeeal quick like.

“Umm. Wow. Okay. So, first off, you’re not the boss of me and who I make out with and when, so jot that down. And second, now I’m definitely going to make out with my boyfriend extra hard, with the exception of when we are actually on our recon mission because as previously established, I am a professional. And also, again, you’re not the boss of me.”

Jason ignored her Eye Roll With Extra Emphasis, and instead just held up his phone to Text With Extra Emphasis, as he read along with what he was typing.

“By the way babe, we have to make out extra hard tonight,” he said, tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth while he dragged out his dictation with the kind of focus that usually led to Bruce asking why he couldn’t apply as much intensity to training as he did to pettiness. “Cass has suddenly decided she can dictate terms to me and I need to shut that shit down ASAP, so thank you in advance for your assistance in this matter. Smoochies and other gay stuff to the best boyfriend ever.”

Jason frowned as a response pinged back seconds later. 

TheCatsMeow: ....the things I put up with for the sake of your weird family dynamics.

TheOnlyRobinThatRocks: Yeah, yeah. You’re a saint among were-panthers. Must you mock? Why can’t you just tell me I’m pretty instead?

TheCatsMeow: Sorry. Let me try again. OMG you’re so pretty Jase how did I get so lucky xoxo.

TheOnlyRobinThatRocks: No. Its too late. It feels forced and unbelievable now. You’ve ruined it forever.

TheCatsMeow: Got it. From now on I will only tell you that you’re repulsive and hideous.

TheOnlyRobinThatRocks: I’m breaking up with you.

TheCatsMeow: But after I help you with your mission tonight.

TheOnlyRobinThatRocks: Obvsly. I’m a professional. Why do people keep forgetting this?

TheCatsMeow: And also the making out to spite your sister.

TheOnlyRobinThatRocks: Yeah we should do that first too. I mean we already penciled it in.

[uwurakax]

teaching you (hc’s) ♡

summary: cute head canons of our haikyuu boys teaching you how to play volleyball ♡

featuring: oikawa ♡ bokuto ♡ kuroo ♡

notes: i’m super bored and did this. i also didn’t proof read this or anything. this is also on my phone so there’s probably mistakes scattered. and i did this at like 5am with no sleep so theres that too lol (all my best ideas come to me super late, i’m just like that - jk im just dumb af ty) ♡

oikawa tōru 及川 徹 ♡

❥ ah cute bby, the loml, we love him so much

❥ so dating oikawa wasn’t always easy

❥ he was always practicing his serves in the school’s gym well into the night

❥ and it’s now been a good 2 or 3 weeks since you guys had been together to just do, well, couple things

❥ all you wanted to do was spend time with him, so you came up with a plan

❥ after your own club activities you made your way into the gym to ask him a very special question

❥ you wanted him to teach you how to serve

❥ now he was a little shooketh shocked at this

❥ none of his previous relationships or dating prospects had actually asked him about playing before

❥ he’ll try to play it cool by being all flirty and suave

❥ but inside he’s like 🥺😳

❥ now he’s actually a really good teacher

❥ but you are horrible just aren’t the best at this

❥ at one point he opts to stand behind you and position your arms and hands

❥ this man has the audacity to stay like that with his hands on your waist waiting for you to continue

❥ you’re thankful he can’t see your face because he’d be able to see how much of a flustered mess he made you eye—

❥ after it all you’re finally able to hit the ball over the net and you are ecstatic

“tōru! did you see i finally did it!”

❥ he just hummed and held you tighter

❥ he didn’t say it but he was really proud at how quickly you learnt how to serve it over the net for being a complete novice

❥ also was a bit of an ego boost for him, because he was the one who taught you afterall

❥ he’ll close his eyes and just sink further into the crook of your neck AHHHHHHHH

❥ he’s so calm and relaxed, nothing faked like the front he usually puts on when he’s with his team, classmates, fans and just anyone in general

❥ something that you’ve noted only happens when he’s with you (and iwa bffs for life✌️)

❥ although he definitely played up on his flirty persona, at times when it just came naturally to him like this was just *swoon*

❥ you turned around to face him, now merely centimetres apart

❥ you smiled while he looked down at you, with disbelief in his eyes (one that was formed because he couldn’t believe how lucky he was)

❥ this short session with you definitely made him realise how lucky he is to have you, and he makes a promise to himself to spend more time with you

❥ he knew in the back of his mind that he had been a bit neglectful

❥ while stuck in his thoughts, you decided to be a little cheeky and give him a kiss 😘

❥ you pull away and notice he turns his head to the side trying to hide his blush (cutie patootie marry me pls)

❥ you giggle at him and make a move to go away, but he has to be cheesy and quickly pull you back for a full on make out session

❥ he just had to get you back for that you know?

❥ after that, you’ll find yourself spending more time at the gym, something the both of you very much look forward to

❥ i don’t know how much late night volleyball practice he gets in though 😜

bokuto kōtarō 木兎 光太郎 ♡

❥ ah baby baby baby cutie owl

❥ so you were one of fukurodani’s managers and had just recently gotten together with bokuto

❥ since you had gotten together, bokuto was constantly trying to impress you with his spikes

❥ he isn’t one of the top 5 aces in japan for nothing!

❥ of course you had to deal with bokuto’s mood swings

❥ and this week was definitely going to have those

❥ the volleyball team was having a training camp and of course, as manager you were there

❥ on one particular late night at camp, you noticed bokuto, akaashi and a few other students from other schools missing

❥ you were walking down the hall to see the lights in one of the gyms on

❥ you made your way down and saw bokuto, akaashi, kuroo (who is bokuto’s close friend) and a new first year named tsukishima from karasuno

❥ now of course bokuto was being his usual confident self, but the moment he saw you come through?

❥ oh boy, he so badly wanted to show off, and against good players too?

❥ bokuto was even more fired up!

❥ after about 20 minutes of watching bokuto spike, you were feeling a little antsy not doing anything

❥ akaashi being ever observant, saw this and pulled bokuto aside to whisper something to him

“bokuto-san, don’t you show y/n how to play some volleyball?”

❥ bokuto felt a lightbulb moment 💡

❥ owl baby was so excited, he couldn’t wait to show you how to play

❥ you tried to turn him down but how can you say no to his deflated face?

❥ you don’t, you can’t, that’s illegal

❥ so you find yourself being pulled and ushered by bokuto into how he hits his amazing spikes

❥ you weren’t exactly sure how this was going to end, you couldn’t jump like the players at all, you didn’t even make it close

❥ you were still apprehensive about playing against guys who knew how to play

❥ akaashi had sent you a light slow moving ball, something easy, even a child could hit it

❥ but there was no way you were going to be able to hit that ball over the net

❥ as if on cue, bokuto picks you up by the knees so you can easily hit it over

❥ you were surprised, but quickly went back to focusing on the ball above

❥ you decided to do a feint

❥ everyone watched the ball gracefully fall to the floor like 👁👄👁 ?!

❥ you were the embodiment of 😳😱😮

❥ bokuto started screaming, yelling praises at you

❥ you held onto his broad shoulders as he was quickly spinning you around, your legs now manoeuvred around his torso

❥ you were giggling and laughing along with him, pretty proud of yourself for being able to pull such a stunt against professionals (at least compared to you anyway)

❥ the others just looked at you both, completely shocked at the fluke you just pulled

❥ yeah kuroo and tsukishima were salty as hell

❥ but they supposed it wasn’t too bad to let you and bokuto have this ‘win’, considering how happy it made the both of you

kuroo tetsurō 黒尾 鉄朗 ♡

❥ ah kuroo kuroo

❥ you both had been dating since second year of high school

❥ you were the volleyball captain at another school in tokyo near nekoma

❥ you guys actually met at a nearby gymnasium when you guys were practicing with your own teams

❥ ok volleyball power couple much?

❥ now your school’s gym where your team practiced was getting renovated, and there was nothing available near your school

❥ kuroo had actually insisted that your team could train at nekoma

❥ you begrudgingly accepted, nervous

❥ now even though you and kuroo had been official, he never once saw you play or practice

❥ you were actually a little shy at showing him your skills, even though he practically begged for you to

❥ he always respected your wishes, but you didn’t miss the way his eyes would flicker briefly with sadness

❥ but you knew what kind of player kuroo was

❥ and you knew your blocks were nothing to write home about - unlike his

❥ so came that fateful day where you were both were in the gym practicing and squawking out drills to your respective teams

❥ it was then time when you needed to start practicing your blocks

❥ one of the wing spikers on your team absolutely smashed the ball through your pathetic attempt at a block

❥ you looked back at where it landed and sighed

❥ you didn’t notice that kuroo had witnessed the whole thing

❥ you also didn’t notice him coming up to you until he was right behind you

“if you want to block better, you should hold your arms out like this”

❥ you felt kuroo guide your arms above your head, positioning you to the desired pose

❥ he then leaned down to your ear and was whispering tips and how exactly to get a read on the opposing teams spikers

❥ you felt the blood rushing to your face and ears - easily speeding up your heartbeat at the closeness he initiated

❥ a teammate of yours then proceeded to spike the ball, and following kuroo’s instructions you managed to cleanly block the ball

❥ after a few moments of shock you jumped up and down in excitement

❥ kuroo had seen you block the ball, and was proud at how happy you had been at his guidance

❥ seeing as he flustered you, it was only fair to pay back your boyfriend right?

❥ so you happily skipped over to him

❥ he was smirking down at you, telling you that ‘you did a good job’

❥ you quickly placed a peck on his lips

❥ wow was it so worth it

❥ poor kuroo became a blushing mess, hiding his face in between his hand and fingers

❥ you sent a wink his way while you went back to practice your blocking

❥ needless to say, kuroo was plotting ways on how to get you back for that stunt 😜

[winterscaptain]

intellectual guesswork.

Aaron Hotchner x Gender Neutral Reader

a/n: another ajf update that requires absolutely no context to enjoy! i love you all so much. send some extra love to your favorite writers this week :)

one quick thing - if you’re on my taglist, please consider dropping a reply or a reblog! i love to see what you all think, and it encourages me to keep going :) it’s also getting a bit long, and i want to make sure my mutuals and people who engage are seeing everything - tumblr sometimes has a hard time with a lot of mentions. 

words: 1.6k warnings: none!

summary: “ignorance of the law excuses no man - from practicing it.” - addison mizner. au!may 2008

masterlist | a joyful future masterlist | ajf faq | taglist | what do you want to see next? edited: january 12th, 2021

You all settle into one row. Aaron’s on the end beside you, looking very sharp in a crisp black suit, his favorite Rolex, and a settled kind of confidence you’ve only seen in him a few times. It’s like he’s in his natural habitat. 

Aaron’s record as a federal prosecutor speaks for itself, of course, but you’ve never seen him in action. As often as they can, the bureau’s leadership sends him in as an expert witness. This time, the case happens to be one of yours. The judge hasn’t required a sequestration for Aaron, so you get the treat of sitting together in the courtroom. 

He’s scoffed and mumbled snide remarks under his breath all morning. You’re just itching to see him get up on the stand and give this joker an education. 

Emily leans over, whispering in your ear. “I promise you’ve never seen anything like this before. Hotch is going to rip this clown to shreds.” 

You stifle a laugh and look over at Aaron. He heard her. Leaning toward you, he murmurs, “All my JD does is collect dust. When I use it, I’d like to enjoy it.” 

“Your Honor, the prosecution would like to call our expert witness, Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner, to the stand.” 

He takes a breath and rises, buttoning his suit jacket and crossing the courtroom. His presence commands respect and everyone in the courtroom seems to shrink before him. 

The prosecution’s questions go over smoothly, and the defense attorney stands with an unreasonable amount of confidence. 

Emily leans over. “He thinks he can get Hotch with at least one of these questions, and he might. But just watch.” 

You nod, taking everything in. 

“So you’ve stated that it was your profile of the killer that led you and the police to my clients door that night.” 

“Behavioral analysis was a factor in our investigation, yes.” 

Without hesitation, the attorney follows up. “And was behavioral analysis also a factor in the Olympic Park bombings case in Atlanta?” 

“Yes, it was.” Aaron’s eyes and tone never waver, no hint of arrogance or cheek. 

“And was that suspect you identified,” the attorney asks, far too aggressively, “Richard Jewell, ever convicted of the bombings?”

The prosecution objects, and you watch Aaron. Every part of him observes the proceedings with an outwardly detached interest, but his eyes are alive - strategizing and anticipating. It’s like you can see the wheels turning as the lawyers bicker. 

 The judge ends the squabble. “I’ll allow it.”

Aaron, now with permission, answers simply, “No, he was not convicted.”

“Because he was innocent. Your profile led you to the wrong man.” 

Oh, give me a break. It takes everything in you not to scoff and you can feel Emily’s eye roll.

“Jewell was not the perpetrator, but if you look at the real Olympic Park Bomber, Eric Rudolph, you’ll see that our profile was dead-on.” 

Dead-on indeed, Aaron. 

“Well, how about we look at the Baton Rouge Killer? Your unit said that he was white and living in the city. He was Black and from the suburbs.”

Aaron’s eyes narrow and you feel Spencer shift beside you. Emily shakes her head. “Don’t worry,” she whispers. “He always recovers, never in the way you’d expect.” 

“How do you know?”

Emily’s face pulls into a little smile. “I’ve read the transcripts. Hotch is terribly clever.” 

“You said that Dennis Rader, the B.T.K. Killer,” the attorney continues, “was divorced and impotent. He turned out to be married with two kids.” 

JJ huffs, and you hear her whisper to Spencer, “Can we quit with the sermon?” 

His lips turn up. “Just wait.”

Dave leans over and stares them down over Derek. Stop talking. 

All of you look down at your hands like chastised children, but your gaze floats back to Aaron right away. 

The prosecution objects again, this time on the grounds of preaching. The judge forces a question, and the attorney turns back on Aaron.

“Having been wrong on those cases, isn’t it possible that you were wrong about Brian Matloff?” 

“No.” Your chest squeezes. He’s completely firm in his denial. 

How does he do that?

“Fact is,” the attorney continues like Aaron didn’t speak at all, “behavioral analysis is really just intellectual guesswork. You probably couldn’t tell me the color of my socks with any greater accuracy than a carnival psychic.” 

“Objection!” 

Her outburst is unnecessary. Aaron has a plan. His eyes track to you as if to check in. Are you paying attention? 

If you weren’t watching before, you’re certainly watching now. Always. 

“Withdrawn.” 

“Charcoal grey.” His flat assertion makes you gasp and you immediately cover your mouth with your hand to stifle the sound. 

The attorney turns around. “Well, look at that,” he exposes his socks to the court, and they are, in fact, charcoal grey. “He got one right.”

Aaron’s not finished. “You match them to the color of your suit to appear taller. You also wear lifts and you’ve had the soles of your shoes replaced. One might think you’re frugal, but in fact, you’re having financial difficulties.” 

You do your best to school your expression and remove your hand from your mouth. Checking down the row, you see six smirks watching the witness box. 

“You wear a fake Rolex…”

And you’d know. 

“...because you pawned the real one to pay your debts. My guess would be to a bookie.” 

Is he smiling?

“I took this case pro bono.” There’s tension in Mr. Charcoal Grey’s voice. You can hear it behind the false confidence and it pulls a smile from you. “I am one of the most successful criminal attorneys in the state.”

Hotch continues, completely bypassing him. “Your vice is horses.” There’s definitely a little smile on his face now. “Your Blackberry’s been buzzing on the table every twenty minutes, which happens to be the average time between posts from Colonial Downs. You’re getting race results.” Your smile gets wider, and Emily grabs your hand. 

“Just watch.”

“And every time you do, it affects your mood in court, and you’re not having a very good day.” There’s something that looks almost like concern on Aaron’s face, but you know it’s nothing if not facetious. He’s ripping this poor man to shreds without changing a single thing about his presentation.

I love - 

Don’t finish that thought. 

Why not?

Remember how he’s freshly divorced?

I know, but have you seen him?

“That’s because you pick horses the same way you practice law -” 

You lean forward and Emily follows, her thumbnail between her teeth. 

The final blow. 

“- by always taking the long shot.” 

If this was any other setting, you’re sure the entire team would be on their feet, shouting and jeering. But alas, you’re in court, so you settle for a wide smile and a suppressed laugh. Amused brown eyes meet yours from across the room and you shake your head just the tiniest bit. I can’t believe you.

His lips twitch. 

“Well, you spin a very good yarn, Agent, but as usual, you’ve proven nothing.” He’s just trying to recover something, anything left of his dignity. He fails, miserably. 

“If I’m not mistaken,” Aaron says, his eyebrows raised just a little, “the results from the fifth race should be coming through any minute.”

Just then, his Blackberry buzzes on the defense table. “Why don’t you tell us if your luck has changed?”

You raise your hands to your face to cool the rising heat in your cheeks. 

“Your honor, this is - “

The judge takes matters into his own hands. “What do you want me to do? Either show us your Blackberry or cut him loose, counselor.”

Hotch and the defense attorney share a loaded look. It’s a battle of wills. 

Aaron wins. 

“Nothing further.”

+++

When you all leave the courthouse, you practically latch onto Aaron’s arm, completely floored. 

“How did you do that?”

He laughs and Derek jumps up beside him, shaking his shoulders. “Come on, Hotch. That was incredible.” 

“Why have a law degree if you aren’t going to use it?”

+++

He offers you a ride home later that evening and you take him up on it. You’re both still in the car, idling in front of your house. 

“That really was impressive today,” you admit, your eyes on your hands.

You can feel his soft smile rather than see it. “Thanks. I know it didn’t quite go the way we wanted as far as the case itself, but there’s more to come.” 

“It’s never as bad as it looks in the first couple of days.” 

“Exactly.” He sighs. “Thanks again for being there today. It’s…” his lips twist as he thinks, “nice to have the team around.” 

You reach out, squeezing his forearm before immediately letting him go. “Of course. We’ll always be there for you. Plus, there’s nothing better than watching you tear blowhard lawyers to shreds in a court of law.” 

“I’m not sure that’s exactly how it went.” 

“You’re kidding!” You laugh. “That’s just what happened. The man left without half his soul! You absolutely tore it from his body.”

The pair of you quiet, and you move to get out of the car. He stops you with a hand over yours as you unclip your seatbelt. “Really. Thanks for being there today.” 

“I can’t emphasize this enough - it was my pleasure.” 

Enough of a pleasure as it was, his smile in the dark of the car is the best part of your day.  

+++

tagging: @arganfics @quillvine @stxrryspencer @agenthotchner @wandaswitxh @hurricanejjareau @fics-ilike @ange-must-die @ughitsbaby @rousethemouse @criminalsmarts @shrimpyblog @genevievedarcygranger @ssaic-jareau @good-heavens-chris-evans @davidrossi-ismydad @angelsbabey @gublergirls @writefasttalkevenfaster @venusbarnes @hotchsflower @micaiahmoonheart @ogmilkis @thatreallyis-americas-ass @marvels-agents100 @hotchslatte @risenfox @mrs-dr-reid @captain-christopher-pike @joemazzello-imagines @pinkdiamond1016 @sebbybaby0 @pan-pride-12 @hotchlinebling @lee-rin-ah @sunshine-em @word-scribbless @jdougl-love @sageellsworth05 @nohalohoseok @giveusbackourbucky @writerxinthedark @bauslut @yourlovelynewsbian @sparklingkeylimepie @aili28 @kingandrear @reader4027 @spnobsessedmemes @rogers-mouth @dreila03 @forgottenword @aaronhotchnerr @ssa-morgan @hotchnersgoddess @buckybau @phoenixfyre374 @sana-li @tegggeeee @abschaffer2 @ssacandi-ass-prentiss  @dontkissthewriter @ellyhotchner @lotties-journey-abroad @mrs-joel-pimentel-23-25 @laneygthememequeen @ahopelessromantic @violentvulgarvolatile @andreasworlsboring101 @mooneylupinblack @ssareidbby @violet-amxthyst @bwbatta @roses-and-grasses @lcvischmitt @capricorngf @missdowntonabbey @averyhotchner @mandylove1000 @garcia-reid-lovechild  @cevanswhre @colbyskoalas @qvid-pro-qvo @jeor @spencers-hoodrat @infinity1321

[obeyme-kaidii]

Lesson 45 Summary

MC continues to study sorcery with Solomon’s help, and begins the process of acquiring their “Sorcerer’s License.”

***SPOILERS BEYOND THIS POINT***

The day begins with MC helping the brothers learn their way around human world appliances and food. Asmo points out that it’s been a long time since he’s been in the human world, and that it’s progressed considerably since then. Beel agrees, stating that they make progress very quickly. Asmo wonders if it’s perhaps because they haven’t changed all that much themselves, so it only seems that way.

Lucifer reminds MC that they have a meeting with Solomon. MC is initially confused, but then Lucifer remembers that they had passed out because of Solomon’s food in Lesson 42, so they likely didn’t hear when Solomon was making those plans. He then explains that MC is meeting up with Solomon and he and Beel are coming along. The brothers, predictably, complain. But Belphie seems to have some idea as to why Lucifer and Beel were chosen, though he doesn’t explain further.

After breakfast, MC, Lucifer, and Beel meet up with Solomon in front of the Sorcerers’ Society Headquarters. The society is tasked with providing assistance to sorcerers living in the human realm. The way Solomon speaks about them, indicates that he doesn’t exactly have a lot of respect for the organization. (Some of this is explained later)

Solomon explains that to become an official sorcerer, the Society issues you a license. Much like learning to drive, you are first granted a provisional license before you are able to apply for your full license.

Lucifer attempts to ask Solomon why he and Beel are needed in order for MC to apply for their license, and Solomon deflects, saying it will all make sense once they are inside. Lucifer is of course suspicious of Solomon’s intentions, but nevertheless, follows him inside the building.

Once inside the building, the group is noticed by other sorcerers immediately who recognize both Beel and Lucifer as powerful, well known demons. It seems that some did not believe that Solomon’s apprentice had actually “tamed” the seven rulers of the Devildom. With Beel and Lucifer accompanying them, this proves that they had, and makes Solomon be taken more seriously.

Solomon goes on to explain he’s actually on bad terms with the Society (why is this not surprising?). This apparently has a negative effect on MC’s ability to be issued a license. And it turns out that Solomon actually founded the society back in ye olden days, with the help of his talented apprentice, and eventually left the Society after a difference of opinion.

He then tasks Lucifer and Beel with protecting MC, to make sure they aren’t harassed during their visit.

Without answering any further questions from the brothers, Solomon leads the way to the reception area where MC starts the registration process. The receptionist does not seem at all pleased to see Solomon, but he smiles and continues on like he doesn’t notice.

Solomon instructs MC to hold out their hand, and the receptionist presses their staff to the back of their hand, causing a seal to appear. The magical seal takes on the shape of 3 staves and 7 stars - the crest of the Sorcerers’ Society, Lucifer explains, having recognized the symbols.

The 3 staves are to represent the “Three Magi” who are responsible for “inventing the magical arts”. And the 7 stars represent the “seven virtues” - temperance, chastity, generosity, patience, diligence, gratitude, and humility.

(In other words, the opposites of the Sins the brothers represent - gluttony, lust, greed, wrath, sloth, envy, pride (in order))

Solomon then explains that in order to be granted a license, MC must complete seven trials, and will be awarded 1 star for each. According to tradition, Solomon will give MC their first trial as their master.

Solomon then casts a spell on Lucifer, temporarily restraining him. Lucifer and Beel are understandably angry, and MC has the option of yelling at Solomon for what he is doing. Lucifer is quick to shift into his demon form, as is Beel, but he stops Beel from intervening - insisting that a simple spell like that was not enough to stop him.

Not wanting to anger Lucifer further, he then explains that this is all part of the test for MC. Wanting to do what he can to help MC, Lucifer stops resisting and let’s Solomon continue. Solomon then casts the next part of his spell, and shrinks Lucifer down so that he can fit in the palm of MC’s hand (omg this sounds so cute 😭 someone draw this please).

Lucifer is completely embarrassed, and MC is able to ask Solomon to turn them back, but he refuses, explaining that it’s part of MC’s test. They are to “protect Lucifer for one full day” (24 hrs).

Beel thinks that will be easy, saying they just have to hide out at home. But Lucifer then points out that his brothers are in fact the ones most likely to cause trouble for him, so home is probably the last place he’ll be safe. Solomon goes on to explain that MC cannot command the brothers and restrain them. They instead must rely on Beel’s powers to keep Lucifer safe. Beel is also forbidden from acting on his own to protect Lucifer.

Solomon states he’s going to be staying with them to oversee the test, apparently amused by the situation which only annoys Lucifer more (angy mini Luci is an adorable mental image 😂).

The first place they head to is Simeon’s cafe. Both Simeon and Luke are shocked to see mini Lucifer, and find him absolutely adorable. Simeon teases Lucifer about how cute he is, poking his cheeks and making Lucifer blush. When Luke tries to poke his cheeks too, Lucifer still manages to intimidate him and scares Luke away. MC is then given the option of poking his cheeks or petting him, making Luke and Beel jealous that they can’t do the same.

Beel points out that even though Lucifer has only shrank, he actually smells like a human now. Luke is surprised to learn that Beel can tell the difference, and Beel explains that everyone smells different - even Luke, who he says smells like an angel. Simeon continues to tease Lucifer about his current condition and how it must be because he cares so much for MC. Lucifer ignores Simeon’s taunts, reminding the group they need a plan to keep him safe before they can go home.

Solomon explains that in order to harness Beel’s powers, they must first learn how to draw out his “true power”. He goes on to say that simply saying the same incantation that MC used in Season 1 to harness Asmo’s power won’t work - MC needs to understand Beel “true nature.” It’s decided that MC should spend as much time with Beel as possible (including sleeping with him, which makes mini Luci super jelly) in order to learn more about him and what makes Beel, Beel.

Lucifer states that he will be sleeping in the same room as Beel and MC, since he has to stay close so they can protect him. And Solomon chimes in that he’ll be sleeping with them too so that he can keep an eye on things. He gets excited about the idea of a “pajama party” with the group, and Luke and Simeon are obviously jealous that they can’t join them.

At home, Lucifer and Beel go over the plan once again, reminding MC to stay on their guard and to protect Lucifer. Solomon thinks they are being over dramatic, but Lucifer assured him that he’s underestimating what his brothers are capable of and the lengths they’d go through to harass him. Solomon asks why his brothers hate him so much, and Beel explains they don’t really hate him and MC is able to agree with him, encouraging and comforting Lucifer.

They finally head inside, and the first thing they hear is a voice chanting a spell. Soon, they all are falling through the darkness. Everyone then realized that they aren’t actually falling, that it’s just an illusion. When the illusion clears they find themselves in an odd building. Lucifer identifies the voice that he heard earlier as Satan’s and wonders if he perhaps created a world to trap them in. But Beel recognizes the location as a building from one of Levi’s video games. (And Lucifer immediately calls Levi a bastard for trapping him in another game. 😂)

Levi then makes a dramatic entrance, completely in character as the Lord of Shadow. Beel, Lucifer, and Solomon are not impressed with Levi’s performance, exasperated at being trapped in another video game.

Levi doesn’t let them discourage him for long though, quickly turning to MC to explain what it is they are doing there. MC must defeat the “Demon Lord Satan” in order to save the world (and thus win the game). Lucifer ignores Levi, demanding that Solomon returns them home immediately, but Solomon insists he is unable to do so since he doesn’t even know where they are right now (which I think is total bullshit, but I digress).

Beel then explains to Levi what the situation is - that MC has to protect Lucifer as part of their test, and that they can’t do anything that would put either of them in danger (and I’m assuming that Levi already knows this because he didn’t say a thing when he saw Lucifer). He then says that they absolutely cannot go find Satan, since that would be the worst possible thing to do with Lucifer.

But Levi is a step ahead, and already knew that they wouldn’t want to seek out Satan. He summons up a projection of sorts of Satan, allowing him to speak to the group. It appears that Diavolo snuck off to the human world for a surprise visit (without informing Barbatos, but come on, we all know the butler knew this was going to happen), and Satan has now taken him hostage as an incentive to get Lucifer to participate.

Staying in character, Levi gives MC some money (100 Grimm to be exact, which yes, shows up in your in game mailbox lol) so they can purchase some armor and supplies. (And please play along with Levi 🥺) Levi then gives MC a special “Lord of Shadow” talisman, wishing them luck on their journey. Lucifer, now thoroughly annoyed, reminds Levi that there will be consequences for doing this to them. And Levi, the super cute otaku that he is, explains he just wanted to play a new game with his brothers. 🥺

(NOTE - Based on an in game chat between Barbatos and Simeon, I believe it was Simeon that alerted Levi and his brothers of Lucifer’s...condition. Which is just another point in the “Simeon is an asshole” column.)

The group then heads into the nearby town to start their journey. The first thing they decide to look for is armor and weapons. MC is given the option of breaking nearby barrels (just like in an RPG), which Solomon finds extremely amusing, so he joins MC in smashing things before Lucifer yells at them to stop screwing around and find a weapons shop. 😂

After finally locating the weapons shop, they realize that Little D Number 2 is actually in charge. Solomon remarks that the equipment doesn’t look that great, but Beel is quick to point out that it’s the first town in the game, so that’s usually how it works (and I find it super cute that Beel probably has experience with RPG games like this because he plays with Levi 🥺❤️). When Beel tries to ask Number 2 if he sells food, he soon grows frustrated when he learns that, just like a video game character, Number 2 can only respond using certain phrases.

Solomon eventually is able to buy gear for himself and MC (and thank god his sprite is now wearing his sorcerer outfit and not his hideous human world outfit 😂), and Beel says the only thing that would have fit Lucifer was a small outfit for a fairy, which Lucifer absolutely refuses to wear. Beel was really hoping for armor for himself, so MC is given the option of attempting to haggle with Number 2. Number 2 then offers them a quest - seek out the Greedy monster that is hanging out at the local casino (whom everyone immediately recognizes as Mammon), cheating people out of their money, and get back the money he stole from Number 2. Then Number 2 will gladly give them a great discount on a full armor set for the Lord of Flies.

Everyone decides it’s best to head to an inn for now to get some food and rest, and that they’ll go look for Mammon the following morning. While eating dinner, Lucifer has trouble since he’s so tiny, and MC is able to offer to cut it up for him. He then takes it a step further and asks to be fed (guess you have to enjoy what you can when you’re forced to be pocket size? Lol), making Solomon and Beel jealous.

When they are done eating, they head up to their room and Solomon explains that they will need to share beds since Levi didn’t give them enough Grimm for a bigger room. Solomon and Lucifer will be in one bed, with Beel and MC in the other.

Sometime after laying down, Beel attempts to talk to Lucifer about Satan, but he doesn’t answer. MC then is able to talk to Beel and reassure him that Satan likes Lucifer, he just has trouble admitting it. Beel then tells MC the story of how he came to respect Lucifer -

As a young angel, Beel’s only gift was his strength, and he struggled to control his powers. Often making a mess of things, with Raphael giving him a hard time. One day, Lucifer comes to check on Beel and offers him some words of encouragement. He tells him that being a Celestial Realm soldier isn’t about attacking, but protecting. And that Beel’s powers mean he can protect everyone. He then goes on to say that once Beel learns to control his powers, he’ll recommend him as a cherubim and get him a position as a Celestial Realm Gatekeeper. This was a huge boost to Beel’s self esteem, and he’s been grateful to Lucifer ever since - swearing to do everything in his power to protect Lucifer.

Beel then explains to MC that he knows his brothers all love Lucifer too. Because they wouldn’t have fallen with him otherwise. He acknowledges that Satan’s situation was different, but since MC became part of their lives, he was an entirely different demon. In fact, Beel believes the same could be said for the rest of his brothers too, and he likes who his brothers are now with MC around more as well.

He then says this is why he likes MC so much, and MC is given the opportunity to kiss him. After sharing a sweet kiss, Beel corrects himself, stating he doesn’t like MC, but actually loves them.

Favorite Scenes -

Sorcerers’ Society Crest

Mini Luci

Mini Luci 2

The first test

Solomon is amused

Pets and pokes for mini Luci

Levi’s game

RPG life

Fairy Luci

Beel’s history with Lucifer

I love you Beel

[tanakavox]

here guys. This reaction was done @bssaz97 again. And that's it for the author's note.

"I miss baby Zwei!" Weiss sulked.

"We know Weiss, you've been saying that for the past ten minutes," Blake's vein appeared on her head.

"Why can't we see more of him! He was so cute and innocent!" Weiss crosses her arms and huffs..

"He spent the entire time antagonizing me!" Jaune replied.

"He can never do wrong." Weiss cemented in her mind.

"Forget it VB, she's a lost cause." Yang told her fellow blonde.

"Well let's see what this next viewing has in store for us all." Ren calmly stated.

The screen shows Jaune on Planet Namek facepalming.

"Urgh, what was that idiot DOING bringing me here!" He mutters before turning to look around his eyes widening. "It's... Wait a minute, I can feel it... This is my home! I can finally see its beauty! The lush blue fields, the crystal clear waters, the wind brushing past my... GOD, THIS IS BORING!" He yelled out before groaning. "No wonder I feel at home."

"We're back to Namek!" Ruby shouted in excitement.

"And there's alien Jaune-Jaune!" Nora jumped in.

"Wait isn't this the world where Cinder is supposed to be really powerful?" Jaune asked.

"...oh crud/shit." Many of the original audience replied. Those who were new to the theater didn't exactly understand what they meant but supposed they would eventually see why.

The scene cuts to Cinder confronting Mercury, Oscar, Neptune, and Trifa

"Oh hell yeah! Emerald wake up, we're back in the world where I'm a badass prince!" Mercury says as he shakes her shoulder.

Emerald loudly snores.

"Hey! You said to wake you when 'the snooze fest' was over."

"Not… interested." Emerald conveniently snored.

"Emerald, you will watch this viewing." Cinder orders.

"Yes Cinder!" Emerald miraculously much more awake.

"Wooow." Mercury drawls, shaking his head in genuine disappointment.

"Shut it!" Emerald hissed.

Cinder smiles coldly at them. "Well, Mercury. You've finally pulled it off. You've managed to dash my hopes entirely. With some help, I see." she turns to look at the rest of the group.

"Quack!"

"Neptune, seriously, not helping!" Oscar said ebowing him.

"I can try."

"I'm very curious. Where exactly are you from?" Cinder asks calmly.

"Don't you snitch!" Nora shouted at the screen.

"We're from rem-" Neptune started before Oscar stopped him.

"Neptune, no!"

"Oh right... Thanks for stopping me, Oscar. 'Cause I can't shut-."

"They're from Remnant." Trifa deadpanned.

"Traitor!" Ruby glared at the girl on the screen. Her anger was shared by many in the audience. Whether good or bad.

Blake was feeling the same amount of betrayal twice after remembering how Trifa was one of Ada-his agents sent to kidnap her in the past.

" Little bow girl, why?!" Neptune shouted out in disbelief.

"Because my name is Trifa."

Nora huffed, "Well maybe your name should little bi-!"

"Nora please." Ren asked his oldest friend and companion to let it go.

"'Sigh.' Fine, but I'm still mad." Nora said.

"Oh good. I'll stop by there on the way home. Pick up some space eggs, some space milk, and BLOW IT THE F**K UP!" Cinder screamed at them before calming here. "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm usually far more composed. I'm just a little bit ABSOLUTELY LIVID." She said with barely contained rage.

"Oh, Cinder. Quit being such a bitch. I lost my chance at immortality too and you don't see me crying about it." Mercury said mocking with a smirk.

"Yep. Sucks to suck!" Yang stayed for both Cinder's in the audience and on screen.

"Care to say that to my face." Cinder stood up.

"Whoa now One Eye Cinder. We can't fight here, remember, so I can say whatever I like and there's nothing you can do to stop me." Yang explains with a toothy grin.

Cinder growls, but reluctantly sat back down as she began to curse this theater's damned rules.

"Yes, Mercury. But you see, the difference between us is I'll live long enough to regret it." Cinder charges at Mercury and engages him in battle with a battle cry.

Scene cuts to Jaune flying through the sky

"Hey we were getting to the good part!" Mercury shouted.

"And what part would that exactly be Mercury?" Cinder asked directly.

"The fight scene, what else." He said nonchalantly.

Cinder stared at him for a moment before looking back at the screen. Mercury was one of the few people that she could tolerate back talking to her so she paid it no mind.

"Everything looks the goddamn same on this goddamn planet!" He thinks and sighs before he sees something on the ground. "Wait a minute, a body! SOCIAL ACTIVITY!" Jaune yells as he yells flying down and landing next to a body, which was Hazel. "Please tell me you're not dead!"

Hazel begins to speaks in Namekian/Klingon

"What the hell is he saying?" Coco asked.

"It appears he is attempting to communicate with Mr. Arc's alternate in their native tongue." Ozpin rationalized.

"Do you know what he's saying Jaune?" Velvet asked.

"Velvet, I think Ozpin means-."

Velvet giggles before she starts laughing. Her team along with his shortly after.

Jaune was staring at them confusedly before his eyes widened in realization. He chuckled while rolling his eyes, "Oh haha, very funny Velvet."

Ruby just stared at the exchange expressionless, the joke was funny but for some reason she didn't want to laugh. Weird.

"Ah, crap. I find the only living thing for miles- and he's so broken he can't even talk right."

" I was speaking Namekian, you idiot. Don't you know anything about your own people?" Hazel gasps out, barely holding on to life.

"Well, we're demons, right?" Jaune asks hopefully.

"Eh, more like slug people."

"Ah, dammit! I liked it better when I was a demon."

"And I liked it better when I had proper bladder control. Nobody's perfect."

"Yeah, I've been meaning to ask about that. What happened?"

"Let's just say our world elder's kind of a giant green asshole."

Jaune and many of the other male audience members bowed their heads in silence for loss bestowed on the Namekian people.

"Yeesh! Port's a bit of a dick in this one… or lack thereof," Yang quipped.

"YANG!"

"Too soon?" Yang winced.

"Preachin' to the choir on that one." Jaune agreed, an image of Ozpin showing in his head. "Well, it's been fun, but I have to go DIE again…" He turns to leave.

Jaune mentally groaned as he remembered that in this world his life was the one entwined with Ozpin. Also he no more thrilled about the prospect of seeing his alternate die (again?) in a way that could've been easily avoided.

"Dang Arc, you're a bit sassy in this world, huh?" Coco asked.

"And green with antennas." Velvet whispered to Fox.

"Ahhh," Fox nodded, getting a clue of what the counterpart looked like.

"Wait. I might be able to help you." gasped out Hazel.

"Look, buddy. If you want to add me on MySpace, I switched to Spacebook a while ago." Jaune turns to left again.

"What's MySpace?" Oscar asked.

"Beats me, but it sounds mega old." Yang commented.

Ozpin, Glynda, Qrow and even Winter winced at Yang's unintentional jab at them. All of them who used to own MySpace accounts.

Salem just looked confused at the mention of these names. 'What's a MySpace and Spacebook? Is it a form of communication?' She thought to herself.

"No, no, no, no. Listen. I think I know something that might work out for both of us. I don't wanna die and you seem pretty lonely."

"DESPERA-, I mean, go on."Jaune said, getting yells before switching back to a normal tone.

"There's a special ability our people share. Forbidden, even amongst our most sacred clans."

"And we're just going to abuse it?" Jaune asked

"Oh, maliciously!" Hazel said with a grin.

"Bitchin'! How we do?"

"Well that didn't take much convincing at all." Emerald said, impressed by how quickly it took the dying Hazel to convince Arc to comment on what was probably the Namekians form of the Black Arts.

"Hey Jaune-Jaune needs all the power he can get if he wants to kick Cinder's butt!" Nora shot back. "Yeah!" Ruby echoed Nora's sentiment.

"Well, first you put your hand upon me."

" 'Kay" He places his hand on Hazel's elbow)

"Yes. Like that. Now lower."

"Uh-huh."

"Lower."

"Hmm…"

"Little lower."

"Hmm..".

"Ah! If we had junk, you'd be gay right now." Jaune groans as Hazel smirks at him. "Fusing!"

"Gods Dammit!" Jaune facepalmed. He couldn't believe how his alternate would fall for such an obvious trick…. though to be honest he probably would have fallen for it all the same.

Jaune fuses with Hazel, a bright light blinding the viewers. After it's disappears, Jaune only is there and he looks at his hands in wonder.

"Wow. Unreal. My gosh. This is amazing! I feel INCREDIBLE!" He then begins to chant Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! I can win! I feel great! I-can-do-this! HAAA…"

Hazel's voice from inside is heard inside Jaune's head. "What are you doing?" He asked.

"Nothing." Jaune replies after stammering a bit.

"Really? 'Cause it looked like you were chanting to yourself."

"Are you in my head?" Jaune ask changing the subject.

"Yup. Don't worry; supposedly I should fade away into your subconscious. Sooner or later."

"Is this what it was like for you?" Jaune asked Oscar.

"Pretty much." Oscar deadpanned

"...Wow, that's really weird." Jaune slumped in his chair.

"Yep. Well, you kinda get used to it after a while." Oscar replied.

"Does it?" Jaune asked him seriously.

"...No." Oscar slumped into his chair as well.

'If I could have carried this burden in my original body for all these millennia and spared you, I would have… no one deserves this burden.' Ozpin told himself in his mind. He determined it would fix nothing if he told them that, there was no changing the past.

"Okay. So, what now?"

"By my estimate, this fusion should have given you just enough power to wipe out the bitch who killed our people."

"And?"

"Well, let me put this in terms you'll understand: You can win! You feel great! You-can-do-this!" Hazel said, repeating Jaune's chant.

"Oh, ha-ha!"

"Yeah go Jaune/Fearless Leader!" Ruby and Nora both cheered.

Jaune's face turned beet red, but he did appreciate their show of support.

The scene cuts to Mercury and Cinder in a brawler lock

"Impudent... little…" Cinder hissed. Her scouter shows "F**K THIS I'M OUT" before exploding on her face, Cinder grunting in pain.

"Damn, Mercury must actually be pretty strong to make that device off itself," Yang stated.

"Why do you sound so surprised blondie? Still sore about our match up?" Mercury quipped.

"You are so lucky I can't mop the floor with your face." Yang shot back, her eyes flashing crimson.

Mercury and Cinder both back off, producing a small crater due to their power.

"I'm impressed, Mercury. When did you graduate from pull-ups?" Cinder said mocking.

"About the same time you got off the rag." Mercury fired back.

Cinder smirks a bit. "Cute. But bear no false hopes, Mercury. You're a mere paper tiger in front of a storm. You have no idea what true power I possess."

"It's that you can transform, right?"

"I can transform…" Cinder's face's falls. "Okay, when and how?"

"Guldo told me."

A flashback of a conversation between Mercury and Guldo appears

"So... Did you know that Cinder can transform?" Guldo said.

"Huh. That right?" Mercury said disinterested.

"Yeah. And Burter's gay."

"Really!?" Mercury asked, genuinely surprised

(back to present)

"And then I threw a dog treat at him. True story."

"That's so rude!" said the collective voices of Ruby, Weiss, Velvet, and Fiona.

"Oh cry me a river, I lost my conscience long ago." Mercury replied back.

"Right. But if you are so aware, why do you persist in goading me?" Cinder question raising an eyebrow.

Mercury grinned viciously."Because Cinder. You're not dealing with the average Saiyan warrior anymore. I am a Super Saiyan!"

….

"A what?" Oscar asked.

Cinder rolls her eyes at this apparently hearing this before. "Oh, here we go!"

"That's right, Cinder. I've arisen beyond the limits of a normal Saiyan, and into the realm of legend- the legend that you fear. The legend known throughout the entire universe as the most powerful warrior to ever exist!" Cinder starts speaking faintly at this point alongside him. "I, Prince Mercury, have become a..". Cinder cuts him off

"...Super Saiyan. Blah, blah, blah, blah, I get it. Then you slayed the Jabberwocky and went on to save Narnia." She clearly wasn't taking him seriously.

"Wow! This Super Saiyan sounds awesome!" Yang concluded. Her sister as well as Jaune, Nora, Oscar and Ren. What? He could like things.

"Thanks for the praise Blondie." Mercury said.

"Yeah something tells me your alternate is way too overestimating himself." Emerald stated.

"You're just jealous you're not a Super Saiyan." Mercury shot back, unfazed by her earlier remark. Causing Emerald to roll her eyes.

While the name seemed silly to the more mature members of the audience, they too were intrigued by the tale of this being.

"Go ahead and mock me, Cinder, but I'm not afraid of you. So why don't you doll yourself up and get ready for a night on the town, because I'm about to take you to a ballroom blitz."

"Fine. I'll indulge you, Mr. Super Saiyan. But before I do I have a funny little story I'd like to tell you."

"Funny how?"

"I like to call it, "I killed your dad"."

"...Was that supposed to shock me?" Mercury questioned.

Mercury stares at Cinder blankly. "So "ha-ha" funny."

"You see, thanks to a rogue lower-class warrior, your father caught wind of my plans…"

(flashback to planet Mercury)

A saiyan runs up to What seemed to be Marcus Black

"King Mercury, I have urgent news!"

"Speak, Butarega." King Marcus/Mercury said in a booming tone.

'Wait why does the old bastard have my name? Eh, guess it doesn't matter. Wait, does that make me a junior?!' Mercury thought.

"Well well, looks like I should call you Junior now. Huh?" Emerald comments, her smirk showing she greatly appreciated this new knowledge.

"I'm not a junior!" Mercury yelled.

"What's that? Couldn't hear you Junior!" Yang joins in on the teasing.

"I'm gonna get back at you both. Just you wait." Mercury growled. Hating how the tables have turned on him.

"Bardock has gone absolutely mad, sire!"

Off-screen someone screamed out: "Cinderrrr!"

"What's all the commotion about?" King Marcus/Mercury asked.

"He's been telling everyone that Cinder plans to destroy Mercury!"

"Wait, my son, the planet, or me?"

BUTAREGA looks at the king for a few moments before answering " ...Yes."

King Marcus/Mercury blasts Butarega away.

"Oh my gods!" Ruby cried out.

She and many others in the audience were shocked that the Saiyan King just killed his subordinate so callously. However, both Salem and Cinder were impressed at the King's show of force.

"Freakin' smartass." King Marcus/Mercury mutters and goes look a the Counselor. "Counselor Obleck, what do you think?"

"Let me tell you what you need to do. You need to sit him down…" Oobleck began.

"Uh-huh." King Marcus/Mercury said nodding his head.

"...you look her dead in the eye…"

"Yes."

" ...and you say, "Don't blow up my planet.""

"What? He can't be serious." Winter remarked.

"It appears that this version of Bart is not as wise or tactful as he is in our world." Ozpin rationalized.

Teams RWBY and JNR pressed 'X' to doubt.

"And you think that will work?" King Marcus/Mercury asked.

"she'd have to be aaaaaaawfully evil if it didn't. And I'm not gonna lie, I like the cut of her jib." Oobleck said with a grin.

"All right, but I want you to take my son, the Prince, off-planet just in case things go south."

"Don't worry, sir. You'll do juuuuuust fine."

"Wait. Hold on a damn minute, the old bastard actually cares about someone other than himself? Yeah like that's legit." Mercury crosses his arms.

Some in the audience looked at the silver haired assassin and just for a moment, they felt sympathy for him.

shifts to King Mercury approaching Cinder,.

"Cinder, can I sit down and have a word with-" King Marcus/Mercury said before Cinder interpreted him.

"SHORYUKEN!" Cinder yelled out, uppercutting King Marcus/Mercury in the jaw, causing the latter to fall back while producing with an echoing scream.

"K.O.! YOU WIN!" A voice yelled out.

"Yatta." Cinder whisper out looking at the king's dead body with grin

"Seems negotiations didn't go as he was expecting." Cinder floated to herself. What she didn't notice was that Mercury had stared at her after that statement was said.

He wasn't sure why but hearing her gloat about killing his dad made him feel… odd. It's probably the popcorn he was eating. Nothing more.

(back to present)

"And then I blew the planet up. The end."

Mercury stares at Cinder confused. "How did you know about the parts you weren't there for?"

Cinder gives a blank stare at Mercury and then proceeds to transform.

"Wow, nice comeback Cinder. Really showed him." Jaune said.

Cinder chose to ignore the blonde fool, she didn't dare waste the energy to acknowledge him.

"Nep, do you feel that?" Oscar asked with a fearful look as Cinder's power grew as her body.

"I taste that!" Neptune screamed a look as fear on his face as well.

Cinder finishes transforming into his second form, a Bigger bulkier form.

"Whoa! She's huge! Like that Hazel guy from Haven!" Nora shouted.

"She sure is..." Emerald didn't know how to feel about this new form of Cinder's. It looked too bulky and tall.

"She kinda looks like a bull with those horns." Ruby noted.

"All done." Cinder smiles a bit looking at all of them satisfied. "And judging by the expression on your face, so are you."

"What...? How?" The usual cockiness in his voice was gone.

"Let's be practical and put a number to that feeling, shall we? Last time I clocked this form it was at... one million." Cinder's smile only grows widener.

The audience didn't know what she meant by that but they determined that it must've meant that she was terrifyingly strong.

Cinder loved it, if only she could feel what that power was like. She might even get drunk from it.

"You're lying!"

"Am I? Am I really?" Cinder sarcastically said, raises her hand and explodes the island that everyone is currently standing on, making an explosion so big that it can be seen from the planet. Cinder is shown standing on what's left of the island.

"Whoa!" Fiona and CVY cried out. This being their first time seeing a destructive force of this magnitude. Whitley also sweat dropped, while he had been pleased with how powerful he was in one of the previous worlds. This was an entirely different kind of power than he thought was ever possible.

"Not impressed!" Mercury yelled off screen. "I can do that, too!"

"Neptune, are you okay?" Oscar asks flying above the destroyed island.

"Yeah, and I've got a Little bow girl right here!" Neptune replied with a grin holding Trifa closely.

Cinder begans sings to. " Peaceful young races with fires on their houses

Millions of voices all silenced like mouses

Watching the cowards bow toward their new king

These are a few of my favorite things "

"Oh great she's singing now, as if this Cinder wasn't terrifying enough." Oscar said while clinging to his seat in fear.

"Is it just me, or is she singing to herself?" Neptune asks but is cut off by Cinder charging at him and impaling him with one of her horns, causing Neptune to drop Trifa.

(Neptune Owned Count: 15)

Neptune screams in pain.

"Oh no!" Ruby cried out. But immediately was off put by the showed counter on the screen.

Some in the audience giggled at the sight of the counter, even if they knew it was wrong.

"Neptune!" Oscar screamed out.

"Well, he's dead." Mercury deadpanned in his head.

"This is... the worst... pai-i-i-in!" Neptune said through gritted his teeth.

"Really? Sure it isn't this?" She looks up and starts shifting her head up and down." Or this? Or this? Or this? Or this? (Neptune Owned Count: 16-21, with two 1Ups coming up in the last two ones)

"Neptune, stop! You're making him stronger!" Oscar pleaded.

"I-can't-help-it!" Neptune screamed.

(Neptune Owned Count: 22-25)

At this point most of the audience were laughing. It was a horribly dark joke, but the presentation was spot on and too hilarious. The huntsmen and huntresses that knew the blue haired boy felt very guilty, but they couldn't stop laughing.

"One down!" Cinder throws Neptune off her horn and towards the lake. "Ah, I think impalement is my favorite way to kill a person."

Oscar begans to shake with rage. "You condescending... sadistic... callous... MOTHERF**KER!"

"Pardon?" Cinder ask with a raised eyebrow but then Oscar attacks Cinder by kicking and punching her in the face before knocking her upward with an uppercut and finally kicks her towards the ground. Oscar then starts charging up an energy blast.

"WHOO! Go Cute Boy Oscar! Woo-woo-woo!" Nora cheered on her newest teammate. His other friends joined in cheering for Oscar's alternate.

Oscar was deeply embarrassed but also very ecstatic that he was able to keep up with the frightening tyrant.

"Oscar SMASH EFFEMINATE ALIEN! Oscar STRONGEST THERE IS!" Oscar thought to himself.

Oscar launches a ki blast directly at Cinder, causing a massive explosion. Oscar is then seen in midair catching his breath. Cinder is seen lying face down on the ground, covered in sand from Oscar's assault.

"Ten points for team ALPN!" Nora cheered.

"Yeah, how's that feel, Cinder?" Mercury yelled out. "Now if you can, why don't you pick your sorry ass up and take on a REAL Saiyan…" Mercury's voice trails off as Cinder is seen getting up with a annoyed look.

"Huh. That happened." She muttered before turning to Mercury. "Mercury, mind sitting right there for just a moment, I need to go play babysitter."

"Oh crap, abort Oscar! Abort!" Jaune called out.

"Think! What would Dad do in this situation?" Oscar began to think to himself in a panic.

A flashback of Sun wearing a backpack showed up.

"Bye, son!" Sun said in the flashback in a big dopey smile.

"Damn it Sun." Blake facepalmed.

"Wow, my other self has some issues." Oscar realizes.

(back to present)

"I'm beginning to think I have issues…" Oscar thought to himself when he got punched by Cinder and hit the ground. He tries to get up, but gets crushed by Cinder's foot.

Cinder turns to grin at the Silver haired man. "So, Mercury. Does this get you angry?"

"It's getting ME angry!" Nora shouts at the screen. Her team, RWBY, Qrow, Ozpin and Winter show the same hostility towards the Cinder in the screen.

Mercury shrugs. "Not really. Kind of a smartass."

Cinder frowns "Well then, why am I even bothering?"

"Because you get off on it?" Mercury said hetaintly.

Cinder grins viciously. "Oh, unbelievably... Huh?" Cinder moves to dodges a disc but her tail gets cut off. She turns to glare at culprit.

"Alright, who has the balls?!" She screams out.

Camera zooms on to Neptune, who is the one responsible for cutting off Cinder's tail. Neptune then turns around and starts repeatedly spanking his butt.

"Kiss my ass, bitch! I'm immortal!"

Cinder growls angrily and flies after Neptune.

"Whoa! Neptune's back up already? I thought he was out for the count!" Yang confused. Happy that he lived but still confused as to how he was back in good shape.

Neptune imitates Curly's whooping sounds while flying away and screams: "Suuuck myy diiii…"

The shifts to Mercury thinking to himself. "How the hell did he get up? Oh, my God, I swear if he used that wish of immortality on himself, I am going to murd... " He stops himself and opens his mouth in shock. And speaks out loud after a short pause. "That... bastard."

"Hahaha-ha-ha! You can't kill an immortal!" Emerald laughed.

"Why are you laughing? Weren't you cheering for Cinder?" Mercury implies.

"I am but I'm also cheering against you." Emerald explains.

"You're despicable, you know that right?" Mercury deadpanned.

The scene shifts to Trifa healing Oscar "Come on... You can't leave me alone here; you're the only one I can talk to!" She mutters to herself.

Oscar eyes open, regaining consciousness."I... you... healed me."

"You are the only one I respect."

"Then why did you heal Neptune?"

"The better question is: why did I tell him he was immortal?"

"Ok where is this girl in real life, I'm starting to like her style." Emerald comments.

"I'm starting to not like this Bow Girl." Weiss concludes.

"Yeah that was kinda mean." Ruby adds.

"But it did give him a helluva confidence boost." Yang points out.

The audience reluctantly agrees with Yang.

Neptune flies back to the battlefield with a huge grin. "Holy crap! Thank God I'm immortal!"

"Actually, I healed you, you idiot!" Trifa said off-screen.

"Wait, so I could have died back there?" Neptune realized with his eyes widing.

"After all that you're just going to tear him down like that!" Weiss shouted.

"Yeah, and unlike the runt and I, you don't get a power boost from it." Mercury replied.

"Hax! I call hax!" Neptune whined.

The audience agreed with Screen Neptune.

"How did you escape?" Oscar asked.

"Oh, it was awesome!" See, She was gaining on me there for a minute, but then I managed to lose her in some crevices, but she kept cutting me off at every pass."

"She didn't just blow it up?" Mercury pointed out?"

"Thought the same thing, but no! So I thought fast and I used the Solar Flare on her!"

"And then you used your Kienzan to cut her in half?" Oscar asked gleefully

"Um…"

Cinder flies back to the battlefield, angrily and screams at them. "I WILL MOUNT YOUR HEAD WHERE MY TAIL USED TO BE!"

"To answer your question, Oscar. No, I did not do that." Neptune muttered.

"Damn seriously? He could have finished her off so easily, it was literally in his grasp." Coco shakes her head.

"Douse this bitch!" Mercury yelled.

Mercury, Oscar, and Neptune fire a barrage of energy blasts at Cinder, covering her in smoke.

"Did we get her?" Neptune asked

"Neptune, we can feel her energy. Why do you bother asking?" Oscar asked back annoyed.

"I'm an optimist."

"You're an idiot." Mercury said, glaring at him.

"You're both wrong. You're dead." Cinder said as the smoke cleared and is shown to be unfazed by the blasts.

"You know what? I'm sick of this." Oscar said, his face hardening. "If I'm gonna die, then I'm gonna go out the same way Jaune would!" He moves in to attack Cinder head-on.

"Oscar, no!" Neptune goes to fly after Oscar.

"No! What are you doing?! Don't go out like my other self!" Jaune shouted clutching his head.

RWBY, ALPN, and Ozpin were clouded in worry.

" No, goddamn it!" Mercury also flies after Oscar when a new figure surrounded by light appears in front of the trio. The light clears, and the figure is revealed to be Jaune.

"M... Mr. Jaune!" Oscar cried out.

"Yes! Fearless Leader is here for the rescue!" Nora cheered.

The Jaune in the audience let out a sigh of relief.

"Well, well, well! I'm legitimately surprised I missed one of you." Cinder smiles a bit. "But that's just fine because I've been working on some jokes. Now tell me if you've heard this one: How many Namekians does it take to-" She gets sent flying by a punch from Jaune.

"Just one." Jaune said stoically.

"GO JAUNE GO!" Ruby screamed.

Most of the audience looked towards her from her outburst, including Jaune who was staring wide eyed at her.

"Er, you know. Smash Tyrant Cinder's no good face." She attempts to save face, throwing out air punches to diffuse the situation.

"...Yeah!" Nora shouted.

[hiccanna-tidbits]

*kicking at your door, smashing it* DING DONG

Hello! 🥰🌸

from "Questions You Should Be Able To Answer For Any OTP" 1,3,4,5,9 and 10 for moanida!😅💜 But you can answer all of them or only few of them is it's too much ahaha

Ily, take care!!

YEAH BOIIII

Coffee shop AU: Who is the barista, and who frequents the coffee shop?

I'm just imagining Moana being a barista at some hole-in-the-wall authentic Polynesian coffee place by the beach, and of course Merida because she damn well needs her caffeine in the morning or she'll pass out, and Rapunzel insists on starting these fucking Squad Beach Days early. Merida was honestly willing to take the first cup of coffee she could get when the gang first went into town, but uhhhhhh oh GOD that girl behind the counter is cute!!! Merida starts "ending up" in there quite a lot, although initially she can barely string a coherent sentence together in front of that cute barista and can't make eye contact for more than half a second. Extroverted as she can be, Merida dissolves into an absolute mess as soon as a pretty girl is involved XD

Merida also pretends to only like black coffee to make herself seem tough, but in reality she kind of hates it and prefers sugar-laden lattes and sweet teas. After a while, when she and Mo have established kind of a friendship, and Merida can have an conversation with Mo without imploding and making an idiot of herself, Mo notices Mer making a face every time she sips her Plain Black Coffee and kinda smirks and is like “You know, there’s no shame in adding sweeteners. I mean, for god’s sake, my favorite drink here is the blonde vanilla coconut latte, and I’m still pretty tough.” Merida is just like “OH THANK GOD” and finally admits that she’d much rather be ordering an Irish crème, toffee, buttered rum, cinnamon, or caramel latte. If the seasonal flavor selection offers any apple-accented or apple pie-esque lattes, Merida’s all about that shit, too! Probably the most “intense” drink Merida actually enjoys is a pretty spicy cinnamon latte. She ends up ordering this pretty frequently to impress Moana with her spice tolerance, even though she really doesn’t need to.

Also, in case there’s any question about it--yes, Moana absolutely memorizes Merida’s orders! Moana also memorizes what flavor syrups Merida seems to like best (i.e. spicy cinnamon, apple pie, caramel, toffee, butterscotch) and gives them extra shots of them in her drinks. When the manager complains about all of Merida’s favorite flavor syrups running out frequently, Moana is like “Oh nooooo, I have no idea why THAT could be! That’s terrible!”

Rivals to lovers AU: Who takes their rivalry seriously, and who is half in it just to push the other’s buttons?

I love the idea of them having a super-petty sports rivalry in a modern AU! Merida strikes me as being competitive as hell, so I’m betting anything she’d be the one to take it way too seriously and get increasingly annoyed with Moana outdoing her, while Mo kind of gives in and indulges Mer but is also secretly amused and kind of flattered that Mer is like...that into their rivalry. Moana’s just like *Regina George voice* “Why are you so OBSESSED with me???”

Like maybe in a modern-day college AU, Merida has been the star of her college’s archery team basically since freshman year. She wins the championships!!! She gets the trophies!!! She’s very well-known within the tiny niche community that is college archery!!! Then, come junior year, this girl in Merida’s year who Merida’s never even SEEN before shows up out of nowhere and makes the cut for the team. She’s honestly way better than she has any right to be (like judging by how she is with that harpoon gun, Moana’s aim is pretty damn good) and is constantly stealing the spotlight, and Merida is a very angry lass. Like it seems like no matter what she does, Moana can always one-up her, and Merida wants to tear her hair out in frustration. Doesn’t help that every time Moana does ridiculously good on a drill and gets 7 bullseyes in a row or some shit, she’s insufferably smug and cocky about it. Merida very-nearly throws a fit every time Mo outdoes her, and Moana honestly finds the whole thing pretty amusing. She’s sort of flattered that apparently only she can get such dramatic reactions out of Mer, and that just tempts her to push Mer’s buttons all the more.

Then, come the annual Big Archery Tournament Finals! As usual, Merida’s college’s team wins--although this time, it’s through a combination of Merida’s and Moana’s skills rather than just Merida kicking archery ass for like 2 hours straight. On the individual evaluations, Moana scores higher than Merida, but only by a little bit. Merida is, of course, extremely salty, but she’s also grudgingly grateful that Moana being there was able to give their team a definitive edge in the competition.

Afterwards, the team goes out for celebratory drinks. After probably 3 drinks too many, Moana finally works up the courage to try and actually like...have a straight conversation with Merida for once, instead of just communicating with passive-aggressive show-offery. She wanders over, sits next to Mer at the bar, and half-slurredly asks if she can declare a truce just for one night, in honor of their kind-of-teamwork winning the tournament. Merida is also a few drinks in, so she’s just like “sure, fuck it, maybe yer not so bad after all. Now prove to me you’re not a pain in the arse!”

They chat for a while, and it turns out Moana is actually pretty easygoing and fun to talk to when she’s not mega-flexing with her archery skills. After a few more drinks, Moana is like “...can I tell you something?” and Merida’s like “why not?”

And then Moana just goes bright red and looks away and admits that the whole reason she got into archery and boosted up her skills enough to join the team in the first place was because she saw Merida making like 50 bullseyes at the previous year’s tournament, and developed a huge crush on her--to the point where she did all this extra-ass shit just so she could join the archery team and get to know Merida better. Also, every instance of Moana acting smug and cocky after acing a drill or perfectly hitting a target? It was honestly because she was trying to impress and show off to Merida, and also because she’s awkward as hell and has no idea how to actually flirt without being joke-mean and joke-cocky. Merida, a much more emotional drunk than she will ever admit, starts crying and gets super apologetic, because oh god, she was being so mean and rude to this girl who only ever thought she was cool and wanted to impress her from the jump??? How COULD she??? Moana lowkey loses her shit laughing because how mad Merida got at being upstaged was honestly kind of hilarious, and she was actually really flattered that Merida was, again, that obsessed with their rivalry. It made Moana feel weirdly special that only she could get to Merida that much, and she honestly liked the attention, even if it...wasn’t the most positive XD And Merida starts laughing, too, because she’ll admit that in hindsight, this whole thing feels a little ridiculous, and extracurricular college archery really isn’t that big of a deal.

Finally, Merida just rolls her eyes and says “C’mere, yeh bloody show-off yeh” and grabs Moana by the front of her archery uniform and smooches her!!! The entire archery team hoots and hollers because OH SHIT, DAT GAY!!! Merida holds out her other hand and flips the entire team off, which honestly just makes them cheer more.

Enemies to lovers AU: Which one switches sides?

Depends a lot on the conflict, I think! Maybe a war breaks out in an AU where someone other than Moana is chosen to return the Heart of Te Fiti--I’m gonna say Tui, for irony’s sake! Moana and Sina take over as co-chiefs while he’s gone, but he takes significantly longer than Moana did in the quest, so Moana’s tribe is eventually forced to flee Motunui to find new fishing grounds before their island is overtaken by darkness. The people of Motunui sail across the world, trying to find a new place to call home. Unfortunately, every time they find a habitable place, it’s already occupied, and the people who live there are uninterested in sharing their already-scarce food.

Eventually they stumble upon Dunbroch, far enough away from Motunui that the seas aren’t affected by the spreading darkness, and fish are plentiful. Naturally, Moana’s tribe sets up a camp on the shores and starts catching as many fish as they can, hoping they’ve finally found a place where they can have enough to eat again. Unfortunately Fergus and Elinor aren’t too crazy about this, and are like “yo, these oceans and these fish and other game belong to the people of Dunbroch and you gotta leave” and Sina and Moana are like “Pls we don’t have any place to go and we’ve been barely eating for a long-ass time, can’t you spare some food?” and Fergus and Elinor are like “sorry bro, it’s almost winter and we have our own entire kingdom to look after, we don’t need more mouths to feed. You gotta be on your way or shit’s gonna get real.”

So Moana thinks this sounds sketch as fuck because like...there’s an entire forest full of deer, rabbits, and other game, and they have NO food they can spare??? That night, Sina sends Moana to spy on the kingdom, since she can be pretty sneaky when she wants. Moana manages to climb the castle battlements and watch through a window, and she sees a bunch of people enjoying a massive feast in a huge dining hall. Her eyes are particularly drawn to a girl about her age with a head full of bright, fiery curls, wearing a nice dark green dress and gorging herself on pastries adorned with white icing and raspberries.

Moana heads back and tells Sina “actually it looks like these assholes have PLENTY of food to spare, and they just want to keep it all for themselves” and Sina is like “well shit...why don’t we raid their food store, then??? They’ve gotta have one somewhere!” And so the Motunui village storms Castle Dunbroch at dawn, catching them almost completely by surprise.

The first thing Moana does is seek out the redheaded pastry girl, whom she’s developed a particular disdain for. When she rushes her, she’s surprised that the ginger girl whips around and immediately sends an arrow sailing into her shoulder. When Moana gets close, the redheaded girl pulls out a sword. Moana takes out a long, sharpened wooden spear made from a particularly tough oar.

She turns out to be much more competent than Moana expected, especially for someone who was shamelessly shoving sweets into her mouth not 7 hours earlier.

They go toe to toe Raya-and-Namaari style, and the redheaded girl admittedly gives Moana a run for her money. The longer the battle goes on, the more Moana’s rage grows. She taunts the redheaded girl the entire time, calling her a spoiled, selfish brat who’d rather gorge herself with all the sugar in the world than share even one grain of it. Merida, who hasn’t exactly heard good things about these people from her parents, is just like “well, you’re no better, showing up and thinking you can just steal what belongs to Dunbroch and we won’t put up a fight!”

And thus the war begins. Motunui is never quite strong enough to get through the guards and raid the food stores, and Dunbroch is never quite strong enough to fully drive Motunui out of the kingdom. Fergus and Moana are both far too stubborn to surrender (despite the fact that Sina is kind of ready to), and so the battles continue. Casualties start to pile up. Dunbroch seeks help from the other clans, but they refuse--they did not take their leaders’ sons being scorned by the Dunbroch princess lightly.

Over and over, Moana can’t help but be drawn to the redheaded girl. She realizes after a few battles that this girl isn’t just anymore, but the Dunbroch princess--her resemblance to the king and his protectiveness over her can’t be a coincidence. It only makes Moana hate her more--but time and time again, she isn’t able to get the better of the princess. Moana can fight hard, and she can be vicious--but so, she’s discovering, can the Dunbroch girl. The princess is clever and cunning, and underestimating her has almost gotten Moana a blade in the throat one too many times.

Merida would be the one to change sides eventually, I think (wooo! Finally got to the actual question!). Once she finds out her parents didn’t tell her the whole truth about their first meeting with the Motunui village and sorta fudged what happened, Merida is livid that they turned away people who needed help. She said if she had known there were people who were tired and hungry and just needed a place to rest, she would have gladly given up some of her own meals for them! To prove this, she gathers up her dinner--plus some apples and some pastries she was going to have for dessert--and puts it in a basket, taking it to the Motunui camp as a peace offering. Moana ambushes her and very nearly slices the basket in half, if only because Moana was convinced it was filled with venemous snakes. After some bickering, Moana finally snatches the food away and, after testing it to make sure it wasn’t poisoned, brings it to Sina.

Unfortunately, one basket of food isn’t enough to feed the village, and the fighting continues. Merida tries to convince her parents to share their food stores with Motunui, but they still refuse, saying they need those stores for their own people and the Motunui people killed any chance of goodwill they might get when they attacked. Determined not to see people starve, Merida starts stealing from the reserve herself and sneaking the food out to the Motunui camp. Moana is feeling a lot more kindly towards Merida at this point, and feels a little bad about being so quick to judge her initially.

Eventually, Fergus and Elinor notice the food in the stores going missing, and figure some of the Motunui villagers must be running stealth operations to sneak in and get it. Dunbroch launches a full-scale attack on Montunui--while Merida is at their camp sneaking them food, in fact. Fergus makes a beeline for Moana. Word has gotten out by now of the times she managed to spy on the castle, so her sneakiness is well-known--and Fergus is all but certain she’s the thief. He charges at her with his sword, aimed to kill, when his own daughter steps in the way.

He barely manages to stop himself, but he does just in time. Merida admits she was stealing the food the whole time, and she can’t let Fergus hurt Moana. Fergus demands to know why, and Merida tearfully admits “Because I love her!”

Fergus, in a rage, takes out his sword again and charges Merida. Swords clash between father and daughter, and Merida looks like she’s just about to be overpowered. Moana can see the fear and betrayal in her eyes, appalled that her father would actually contemplate hurting her.

Not wanting to see whether he actually would, Moana steps in and helps Merida to fend Fergus off. “Enough!” she screams. “How can you live with yourself? My father risked his life to try to save his daughter and his people--and you’re willing to fight yours because she doesn’t agree with all this senseless violence?! You make me sick! I’m standing with Merida, because...because I love her too. I’ll leave if you want, but I want this to end.”

This finally snaps Fergus out of it, and he and Elinor decide that maybe the fighting has gone on long enough--and maybe it’s not worth it anymore, if it’s pitting them against their own daughter now. They end up trying to work out something with Motunui. Establishing a peace treaty and figuring out how to proceed forward is a long and messy process, but everyone is willing to put in the work--for the sake of Merida and Moana, if for nothing else.

Soulmate AU: Who is eager to meet their soulmate? Who absolutely does not want to meet their soulmate?

Neither of them want to meet their soulmate XD Merida has just been repulsed by the idea of marriage and commitment since she was young, mainly because she can’t not see it as just a means of taking her freedom away and making her be subservient to someone. Besides, given the, um...heteronormative culture of Dunbroch and all, she assumes she’ll get not just stuck with, but cosmically bound to a man and that idea just...doesn’t do anything but fill her with unadulterated disgust XD Like please no, she’s perfectly happy to go where she pleases when she pleases with no one but Angus for company. The last thing she needs is some stuck-up, snot-nosed boy telling her what she can and can’t do.

Moana has similar concerns, although maybe a bit less extreme. She’s mainly worried that when she meets her soulmate and, as per expectation, marries them, she’ll be expected to “mature” into a full adult and fully embrace her responsibilities as chief, leaving behind her childhood dreams of exploring the ocean. Same as Merida, she’s worried the person she’s destined for will tie her down and prevent her from exploring and going on the adventures she craves so badly. She’s also, like Merida, worried she’ll get stuck with some lame, boring dude who she’ll be destined for because...he loves her!!! And will be really nice to her!!! But will not stimulate or interest her in any way whatsoever!!! And Moana is pretty uninterested in romance and dating regardless, so the idea of any kind of romantic partner who she’d hypothetically have to run crazy ideas by before just doing them doesn’t sound too appealing to her. Like, she’s happy where she is and having her friends and family for company, what does she need an SO for??? It just feels like the whole “soulmate” business is just the universe attempting to give her a babysitter, and Moana ain’t about that. She can do things on her own, dammit!!! And what makes the great elder love gods think she wants another person to keep track of on her escapades, anyways?!? It’s enough effort keeping herself safe without worrying about someone else!

Imagine their shocked delight when each finds out their soulmate is a) a girl and b) a girl arguably just as chaotic, adventurous, and rebellious as they are!!! They meet and they’re like “huh...maybe the universe wasn’t being some big dumb fucking idiot binding us together after all. I can work with this!!!”

Pirate AU: Who is the pirate? Who is the member of the royal family who did not sign up for this?

Merida is the pirate! Or at least...the one who becomes a pirate first! XD Maybe to escape her betrothal she steals a ship and flees Dunbroch, and BOOM trouble on the High Seas time!!! Eventually she sails to the south Pacific on her naval escapades, and stumbles on Motunui. When she finds out Moana is a chief’s daughter, she naturally kidnaps her and holds her for ransom--because screw it, she hasn’t successfully pillaged any merchant ships recently and she needs some cash. But instead of being like “Noooo take me home!” Moana is like “Actually this fucks, I’ve always wanted to sail the ocean anyways and my dad wouldn’t let me before, so you’ve accidentally given me an avenue to achieve my dreams!!! Thank you!!!” And Merida realizes that a first mate would actually be a lot more useful in the long run than a handful of hostage money, so she just kind of shrugs like “aight, yer on the crew.”

Merida is a bit salty because Moana takes to the pirate lifestyle excellently--so much so that before long, she’s arguably a better pirate than Merida XD While Merida is a bit cranky about being outdone in the art of piracy, she also can’t help but admire Moana’s natural aptitude for sailing and propensity for mischief on the High Seas!!!

Their ship is called “The Arrow,” and Merida definitely uses her bow during pirate-to-pirate combat! She teaches Moana how to shoot a bow, but discovers Mo is pretty nifty with a harpoon gun as well!

Childhood best friends AU: Which one was super obviously in love with the other the whole time? Who was oblivious until they were older?

Oooooh, this is a fun one!!! Admittedly I don’t usually think about these girls in a Childhood Friends to Lovers AU (very possibly due to...geographical constraints lol) so this’ll be a cool thought experiment!

SO in order to fix my unfortunate geographical constraints, I’m gonna say that this is an AU where the people of Motunui were wayfinders from the jump, and while voyaging (admittedly a LONG way), they stumbled upon Dunbroch. Moana’s parents and Merida’s parents immediately hit it off, and established a political alliance of sorts.

Moana, meanwhile, pulled the classic “little girl on vacation/at an event immediately seeks out other little girl and becomes best friends with her.” Moana and Merida naturally also hit it off immediately, and are both pretty bummed out when Tui and Sina want to leave and continue voyaging and such. However, they make plans to visit as frequently as they can and Merida and Moana are super hyped about this! They both always get extremely excited for said visits, and Little Moana nearly falls off the front of her family’s boat several times because she’s leaning over so far and squinting so hard to try and see Dunbroch.

I love the idea that Moana was the one who was totally smitten from the jump, to the point where it took her years to realize she was aspec because she was like “Of course I can fall in love!!! I’m in love with Merida!!!” She just didn’t realize most people have romantic inclinations toward more than one person over the course of their lives XD

It absolutely does not help that Merida is extremely romance-repulsed when they’re kids--mainly because she associates romance in general with being docile and acting stupid to impress some annoying macho guy, and that thought kinda makes her want to puke. That, and given how, er...heteronormative things are in Dunbroch, it doesn’t reall occur to her that romancing girls is like...an option. So poor Moana has always kind of resigned herself to thinking she has no chance with Merida, and keeps her feelings under pretty tight lock since she doesn’t want to ruin their close friendship and all and she doubts Merida even swings that way.

THEN when they’re in their early teens, Merida is like “hmmm...I wonder what it would be like to kiss Moana?” but then IMMEDIATELY feels weird for thinking that and tells absolutely no one. She’s definitely starting to feel something a little different than just platonic friendship though, and of course she’s also convinced Moana only sees her as a friend and probably doesn’t like girls.

Then one day they’re wrestling around out in the woods, like they have since they were little, and at one point Merida leans down and just impulsively kisses Moana. She’s super flustered and apologetic afterwards, but Moana just stares in shock before being like “holy shit, I never thought you’d actually want me too. Holy shit!!!!” After that, they start secret-dating and everyone around just thinks they’re still “very good friends” XD

When Merida turns 16 and gets the news of her betrothal, she’s devastated. It takes her several days to process her emotions, and several times she tries to protest to her mother, but Elinor steamrolls her and talks over her at every turn. Finally, when Merida can get a word in edgewise, she tearfully bursts out that she can’t go through with this because she loves Moana. Elinor, traditionally-minded woman that she is, is horrified by this.

When Fergus finds out, he GOES OFF at Elinor and sticks up for Merida. He basically says that she’s their daughter and they should want her to be happy, and they should be happy for her that she did find someone she loves, even if it’s a bit...unconventional.

Later, at the betrothal ceremony, Merida picks an archery contest for the suitors with the hopes of cheating the system and winning her own hand. Imagine her surprise when Moana rushes in late with a makeshift bow on her hip, shouting “I am Moana of Motunui, and I’ll be shooting for the princess’s hand as well!”

Luckily, due to Moana’s years and years of informal archery training from Merida herself, the other suitors really don’t stand a chance.

It turns out that Elinor and Fergus set this whole thing up, deciding in the end that their daughter should at least be able to marry who she loves if she had to get looped into a political marriage. And honestly, they weren’t going to say no to a stronger alliance with Motunui at the end of the day. Merida is so pleasantly shocked by the whole thing that she forgets to be mad about the fact that she’s still being pressured into a marriage pretty young XD Luckily, Moana has no intention of trying to hold Merida back or take her freedom away! Their relationship really barely changes after they officially become wives, and they’re still just as in love as they’ve basically always been.

As for the issue of heirs, Elinor and Fergus just make Merida’s brothers the heirs of Dunbroch, and Tui and Sina are fine with Moana and Merida choosing an heir for Motunui who isn’t necessarily their biological child. Neither Moana nor Merida are crazy about the “leaders have to be from the chief/monarch’s bloodline” rule anyways, so they’re more than fine with this!

This is in reference to this post! Still answering these questions for Moanida and Hiccanna, if I haven’t done so already!

@takaraphoenix come get your daily dose of Moanida!