#this show is for the gays claiming it now to late

[chaos0pikachu]

this is the future greeks wanted

just half naked boobalious men wrestling in water and mud while a camera zooms in on the ass grabs and slow-mo hip thrusts

[cuddlytogas]

So I accidentally almost got into an argument on Twitter, and now I'm thinking about bad historical costuming tropes. Specifically, Action Hero Leather Pants.

See, I was light-heartedly pointing out the inaccuracies of the costumes in Black Sails, and someone came out of the woodwork to defend the show. The misunderstanding was that they thought I was dismissing the show just for its costumes, which I wasn't - I was simply pointing out that it can't entirely care about material history (meaning specifically physical objects/culture) if it treats its clothes like that.

But this person was slightly offended on behalf of their show - especially, quote, "And from a fan of OFMD, no less!" Which got me thinking - it's true! I can abide a lot more historical costuming inaccuracy from Our Flag than I can Black Sails or Vikings. And I don't think it's just because one has my blorbos in it. But really, when it comes down to it...

What is the difference between this and this?

Here's the thing. Leather pants in period dramas isn't new. You've got your Vikings, Tudors, Outlander, Pirates of the Caribbean, Once Upon a Time, Will, The Musketeers, even Shakespeare in Love - they love to shove people in leather and call it a day. But where does this come from?

Obviously we have the modern connotations. Modern leather clothes developed in a few subcultures: cowboys drew on Native American clothing. (Allegedly. This is a little beyond my purview, I haven't seen any solid evidence, and it sounds like the kind of fact that people repeat a lot but is based on an assumption. I wouldn't know, though.) Leather was used in some WWI and II uniforms.

But the big boom came in the mid-C20th in motorcycle, punk/goth, and gay subcultures, all intertwined with each other and the above. Motorcyclists wear leather as practical protective gear, and it gets picked up by rock and punk artists as a symbol of counterculture, and transferred to movie designs. It gets wrapped up in gay and kink communities, with even more countercultural and taboo meanings. By the late C20th, leather has entered mainstream fashion, but it still carries those references to goths, punks, BDSM, and motorbike gangs, to James Dean, Marlon Brando, and Mick Jagger. This is whence we get our Spikes and Dave Listers in 1980s/90s media, bad boys and working-class punks.

And some of the above "historical" design choices clearly build on these meanings. William Shakespeare is dressed in a black leather doublet to evoke the swaggering bad boy artist heartthrob, probably down on his luck. So is Kit Marlowe.

But the associations get a little fuzzier after that. Hook, with his eyeliner and jewellery, sure. King Henry, yeah, I see it. It's hideously ahistorical, but sure. But what about Jamie and Will and Ragnar, in their browns and shabby, battle-ready chic? Well, here we get the other strain of Bad Period Drama Leather.

See, designers like to point to history, but it's just not true. Leather armour, especially in the western/European world, is very, very rare, and not just because it decays faster than metal. (Yes, even in ancient Greece/Rome, despite many articles claiming that as the start of the leather armour trend!) It simply wasn't used a lot, because it's frankly useless at defending the body compared to metal. Leather was used as a backing for some splint armour pieces, and for belts, sheathes, and buckles, but it simply wasn't worn like the costumes above. It's heavy, uncomfortable, and hard to repair - it's simply not practical for a garment when you have perfectly comfortable, insulating, and widely available linen, wool, and cotton!

As far as I can see, the real influence on leather in period dramas is fantasy. Fantasy media has proliferated the idea of leather armour as the lightweight choice for rangers, elves, and rogues, a natural, quiet, flexible material, less flashy or restrictive than metal. And it is cheaper for a costume department to make, and easier for an actor to wear on set. It's in Dungeons and Dragons and Lord of the Rings, King Arthur, Runescape, and World of Warcraft.

And I think this is how we get to characters like Ragnar and Vane. This idea of leather as practical gear and light armour, it's fantasy, but it has this lineage, behind which sits cowboy chaps and bomber/flight jackets. It's usually brown compared to the punk bad boy's black, less shiny, and more often piecemeal or decorated. In fact, there's a great distinction between the two Period Leather Modes within the same piece of media: Robin Hood (2006)! Compare the brooding, fascist-coded villain Guy of Gisborne with the shabby, bow-wielding, forest-dwelling Robin:

So, back to the original question: What's the difference between Charles Vane in Black Sails, and Edward Teach in Our Flag Means Death?

Simply put, it's intention. There is nothing intentional about Vane's leather in Black Sails. It's not the only leather in the show, and it only says what all shabby period leather says, relying on the same tropes as fantasy armour: he's a bad boy and a fighter in workaday leather, poor, flexible, and practical. None of these connotations are based in reality or history, and they've been done countless times before. It's boring design, neither historically accurate nor particularly creative, but much the same as all the other shabby chic fighters on our screens. He has a broad lineage in Lord of the Rings and Pirates of the Caribbean and such, but that's it.

In Our Flag, however, the lineage is much, much more intentional. Ed is a direct homage to Mad Max, the costuming in which is both practical (Max is an ex-cop and road warrior), and draws on punk and kink designs to evoke a counterculture gone mad to the point of social breakdown, exploiting the thrill of the taboo to frighten and titillate the audience.

In particular, Ed is styled after Max in the second movie, having lost his family, been badly injured, and watched the world turn into an apocalypse. He's a broken man, withdrawn, violent, and deliberately cutting himself off from others to avoid getting hurt again. The plot of Mad Max 2 is him learning to open up and help others, making himself vulnerable to more loss, but more human in the process.

This ties directly into the themes of Our Flag - it's a deliberate intertext. Ed's emotional journey is also one from isolation and pain to vulnerability, community, and love. Mad Max (intentionally and unintentionally) explores themes of masculinity, violence, and power, while Max has become simplified in the popular imagination as a stoic, badass action hero rather than the more complex character he is, struggling with loss and humanity. Similarly, Our Flag explores masculinity, both textually (Stede is trying to build a less abusive pirate culture) and metatextually (the show champions complex, banal, and tender masculinities, especially when we're used to only seeing pirates in either gritty action movies or childish comedies).

Our Flag also draws on the specific countercultures of motorcycles, rockers, and gay/BDSM culture in its design and themes. Naturally, in such a queer show, one can't help but make the connection between leather pirates and leather daddies, and the design certainly nods at this, with its vests and studs. I always think about this guy, with his flat cap so reminiscient of gay leather fashions.

More overtly, though, Blackbeard and his crew are styled as both violent gangsters and countercultural rockstars. They rove the seas like a bikie gang, free and violent, and are seen as icons, bad boys and celebrities. Other pirates revere Blackbeard and wish they could be on his crew, while civilians are awed by his reputation, desperate for juicy, gory details.

This isn't all of why I like the costuming in Our Flag Means Death (especially season 1). Stede's outfits are by no means accurate, but they're a lot more accurate than most pirate media, and they're bright and colourful, with accurate and delightful silks, lace, velvets, and brocades, and lovely, puffy skirts on his jackets. Many of the Revenge crew wear recognisable sailor's trousers, and practical but bright, varied gear that easily conveys personality and flair. There is a surprising dedication to little details, like changing Ed's trousers to fall-fronts for a historical feel, Izzy's puffy sleeves, the handmade fringe on Lucius's red jacket, or the increasing absurdity of navy uniform cuffs between Nigel and Chauncey.

A really big one is the fact that they don't shy away from historical footwear! In almost every example above, we see the period drama's obsession with putting men in skinny jeans and bucket-top boots, but not only does Stede wear his little red-heeled shoes with stockings, but most of his crew, and the ordinary people of Barbados, wear low boots or pumps, and even rough, masculine characters like Pete wear knee breeches and bright colours. It's inaccurate, but at least it's a new kind of inaccuracy, that builds much more on actual historical fashions, and eschews the shortcuts of other, grittier period dramas in favour of colour and personality.

But also. At least it fucking says something with its leather.

[pedriache]

AITANA BONMATI. CANT KEEP HER HANDS TO HERSELF. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

2 hold U — Aitana Bonmatí.

Pairing: Aitana Bonmatí x Fem!Reader

Summary: Your girlfriend cannot seem to keep her hands to herself.

Word count: 431

Disclaimer/s: Fluff! and gay wlw gay gay gay

A/N: My actual wife thanks

The fall season had you in the mood to bake. As always. This was a routine your girlfriend had grown accustomed to over the years, the second the leaves changed colors she knew she was going to come home to the smell of your baking a dessert you claimed to be ‘fall-y’.

That was the case today. Aitana opened the front door to the strong smell of God knows what. A smile graced her lips as she made her way into the kitchen, “i’m home!” She called out in a sing-song voice.

Her eyes scanning what you were wearing, amusement clear on her face as she takes in the look. A black apron with a pumpkin in the middle, covering your matching brown long sleeve and joggers. Cute.

A wide grin takes over your face as you meet your girlfriend’s gaze. “Aitana! Hey! I’m just about to put this in the oven, hold on.”

You turn back around, grabbing the two pans, putting them in the oven, and closing it. The second the oven closes, your girlfriend spins you around, hands planted firmly on your waist. You squeal at the unexpected move, but the sound is muffled by Aitana’s lips on yours.

“You smell good,” she utters, leaning back a few inches. “What’re you making this time?”

“It’s a surprise!” You hum, head lulling to the side. “How was your day?”

Aitana brings her hand up to brush a loose strand of hair out of your face before they come down to rest on your jaw. Her finger brushes your cheek as she speaks, “good, tiring, but good. How was yours?”

She was being awfully affectionate today, which made your eyebrows quirk up. “What’s with you today? First you make yourself late because you want to cuddle longer, and now all..” your eyes flicker to her hand, “this.”

“Can I not love on my girlfriend?” Her eyebrows knit together, “and you didn’t answer my question, by the way.”

Rolling your eyes playfully, you shrug. “It was fine, boring, but fine nonetheless. Also! I’m getting flour all over your outfit.”

Aitana’s hand drops from your face to rest against your hip, pushing your body way from her to look at your apron, then her own clothes. A light imprint of flour now showing on her black jeans and hoodie. “I should probably go change anyways.” She shrugs it off, but doesn’t make any effort to move.

“So…” you start slowly, looking at her expectantly, “are you going to go change or..”

“Not yet,” she grins, pulling you closer once again.

DTS , @halfwayhearted @spidybaby !

[rhiannonsknife]

Hey I love your fics! Could you possibly write a part 3 of "is it casual now" where the reader is seemingly moving on from Jackie and it's driving her crazy.

Like she'll leave you notes to come over and watch in absolute shock as you toss them in the garbage.

Or maybe you're getting closer to someone else on the team and she watches you slowly start to show up at games more for someone else who isn't afraid of being close to you.

I feel like it would drive her crazy if it was Shauna because that's her best friend and for once she feels like she's in second place to her.

Or Nat because Jackie sees her as a burnout with a lesser reputation so she feels like she's losing you to someone she sees as lesser than her.

── SECRETLY HOOKING UP WITH JACKIE TAYLOR 2

— summary: secretly hooking up with your teammate. masterlist.

— warnings: fem!reader. mean!jackie. implied internalized homophobia. cheating. toxic relationship dynamics. angst. miscommunication. some nsfw content. so: mdni. again: this takes place at the end of the last year of Highschool. all characters in this are 18+!!

jackie, who only ever wants things to be done on her terms.

so, as established: she sets the tone early: “this doesn’t mean anything.” she’ll remind you after every single interaction, voice steady, like she’s trying to convince herself rather than you. “we’re just having fun until we leave this town! it’s not- i’m not- i’m not…gay, or whatever!” but the way her gaze lingers after you kiss tells a whole different story.

jackie, who pretends not to care but acts insanely territorial with you all the same.

she would hate to put a label on what you have, but she also hates when anyone else so much as looks at you. if one of your teammates compliments you after practice, she’s quick to steer the conversation back to herself, casually draping her arm over your shoulder when no one’s looking. this is obviously contrary to her constant claims of things only "being casual".

jackie, who tries to tell herself that it doesn’t matter when she feels you pulling away.

she’s always been good at hiding her feelings—until her constant lies start to wear on you. sure, you knew it was only supposed to be a one-time thing, but it’s exhausting to watch the girl you’ve clearly fallen in love with return to her boyfriend after every hookup. jackie pretends not to care, even convinces herself she doesn’t, but it still stings. slowly watching you toss aside the notes she leaves in your locker and ignore her usual late-night calls (the ones that used to be your signal to come over) cuts deeper than she’ll ever admit.

jackie, who is insanely jealous.

seeing you getting closer to someone else, (at the same time as you seem to lose interest in her) especially shauna, unravels her. she becomes hyperaware of every glance, every shared laugh, every subtle touch. it feels like a constant stab to her ego. she starts showing up to practice early just to see if you’ll walk in with shauna. and if you do, her mood is already ruined before the session starts. she’s curt with shauna, from this point forward, snappy during drills, and visibly distracted during scrimmages.

jackie, who’s genuinely desperate to “win you back” without even noticing herself.

i mean, it’s only normal that she misses someone she used to spent all of her time with, right? it’s normal to think about you all the time, especially when she’s having the worst mediocre sex with jeff and starts to picture you instead, right? surely, everyone does that!! jackie continues to leave secret notes in your locker like she used to, but you don’t respond the way you used to. when you toss them without reading them, she’s stunned and, yet, even more determined. she starts lingering near you after practice, finding excuses to talk to you, hoping you’ll give her a hint that you’re not over her yet. if you walk away, (specifically if you call for shauna to wait up) she’ll stew over it all night. even in games it’s not the same as it used to: jackie tries to make sure you notice her. she’ll play harder, score more, and make dramatic plays to catch your attention. if she scores a goal or makes a killer assist, she’ll glance at you first to see if you’re watching.

jackie, who’s simply not able to get over the shauna factor.

she’s in bed, late at night, unable to find sleep. instead, she’s overthinking every single interaction. it’s not like her at all to overthink. sure, she worries about her reputation -more than she cares to admit- but she’s also well aware that she’s in a secure position in the school’s hierarchy. she shouldn’t worry about your opinion. she shouldn’t worry about what you seem to see in shauna, of all people. jackie pretends like it doesn’t bother her, but everyone notices that something is off between her and shauna: she’ll act cold towards her or start throwing subtle shade in casual conversations.

jackie, who tries to get a rise out of you in return.

fed up with herself and her own reactions, jackie decides to give you a taste of your own “medicine”: she starts flaunting her relationship with jeff more than usual, hoping to make you jealous in return. she’ll sit on his lap at parties, laugh loudly at his jokes, and make sure you can see her holding his hand from across the room. but it doesn’t have the effect she hopes for: it only makes her feel more hollow. more empty. whereas you’re long used to the fact that you will never be jackie’s first choice. you can’t even pretend to be surprised that she’s letting it show now that you're no longer giving you the attention she wants.

jackie, whose behavior is affecting the whole team at this rate.

when you start openly cheering on shauna or someone else on the team, jackie will become more competitive. she’ll try to outshine them in every way, subtly one-upping them during games or practices, hoping you’ll notice. the rest of the team starts to pick up on the tension between you, jackie, and whoever you’re gravitating toward. nat might roll her eyes at her possessiveness or pull you aside: “look whatever the fuck is going on with you and taylor” she hisses. “you go talk to her”. laura lee tries to mediate in her gentle way, while taissa, ever the practical one, will tell jackie to “get her act together” before she messes up the team’s chances at state.

yet even if jackie does pull you aside after the rest of the yellowjackets insist on you guys sorting your shit out…

…it’s to no avail. jackie might corner you after practice, her frustration finally spilling over. “what are you doing with her?” she demands, her voice sharp. “you don’t- you don’t even like her like that!” and still: she’ll go back to jeff the next day, pretending like nothing happened. pretending like she didn’t let her guard down, in a way, and showed you the jealous side of her she’d been trying so hard to hide.

jackie, who can’t stay far from you.

and, truthfully, you can’t stay away from her either. the two of you always gravitate back towards the other, whether it’s any good or not. having her, if just for one short moment, seems worth all the hurt it’ll cost. it starts out innocently enough, anyway. too innocently. you’re both in the locker room after practice, the last ones there. you’re at your locker, focused on packing up, and jackie lingers just a little too long. “you were with her the whole day. again.” she points out, trying to sound casual but failing miserably. when you don’t immediately answer, she takes a step closer, her voice dropping. “do you really think she gets you the way i do?”

you try to walk away, tired of her games and afraid you’ll tell her something you might regret, but jackie’s hand catches your wrist. it’s not rough, but firm enough to stop you.

“jackie don’t,” you warn, but your voice isn’t as steady as you’d like. her grip softens, her thumb brushing against your skin. it’s such a small, familiar gesture, and yet it is pulling you right back in.

the tension only builds as she steps closer, her voice barely above a whisper. “i can’t stop thinking about you,” she admits, and her vulnerability catches you off guard. for once, jackie isn’t trying to be in control. she’s just laying it all out there.

before you can respond, or even take it all in, her lips are on yours. the kiss is desperate, messy, and filled with weeks of pent-up frustration. you know it’s a bad idea, but it’s the only thing you know how to do. and it doesn’t stop with that kiss, either. it never does. you find yourself pressed against the cold metal of the lockers, her hands gripping your waist like she’s terrified you’ll pull away.

jackie is on her knees before you even know it, pulling down your shorts and underwear all in one go. when she puts her mouth on you, she’s the one who moans, her eyes rolling back in her attempt to look up at you. it’s a rare occasion for jackie to be on the giving end, to begin with, but the way she eats you out that day will stay with you -forever the best head you’ve received. it’s quick, it’s hard and fast, and so good.

the whole thing is rushed and reckless, like you’re both trying to make up for lost time. but afterward, when you’re catching your breath and fixing your clothes, reality starts to creep back in. jackie’s eyes are on you, wide and uncertain, as she gives you some space, like she’s just as scared of what this means as you are.

jackie, who falls back into old patterns with you like you were never even gone from her.

after that first moment, it’s impossible to stay away. she’s not willing to lose that little you've had ever again. jackie starts leaving you notes more frequently again. not to confront you this time, but to arrange secret meetups. you read every single one of them in spite of yourself. “behind the bleachers after practice” “jeff’s busy tonight. come over.” all signed off with a loopy -J. it is almost like the conflict never even happened. almost, because you’re not just sneaking around for fun anymore. you’re both purposefully avoiding confronting what’s really happening between you, instead focusing on the new intensity of each hookup: the way she’ll whisper your name under her breath when you make her come undone on your mouth, the way you desperately cling to each other as you both try not to be the first to stumble over the edge, the way she’ll ask you to say things to her, claiming that they don’t mean anything. (“tell me you want me. tell me you need me”. “promise me this isn’t the last time”. “tell me you think about me when you’re all by yourself”…)

jackie and you both fall into a constant state of pushing the other away and pulling them right back in.

every time you tell yourself it’s the last time, jackie pulls you back in. she knows exactly how to break your resolve by now, whether it’s a soft look during practice, brushing her fingers against yours when no one’s looking, or whispering your name in a way that makes your knees weak. but it’s not one-sided: jackie tries to pull away too, telling herself she needs to focus on jeff and her perfect life. and yet, the second she sees you laughing with someone else who’s not her, or notices the slightest change in your demeanor, her own resolve shatters and she has to drag you into an empty room to remind you that you’re hers by shoving her hand down your pants.

jackie, whose anger starts to turn into passion.

it should piss her off, really, how she can’t even be angry at you without simultaneously wanting you. she’s been aware of the effect you had on her, subconsciously, at least. yet the anger had always been hers. a small act of rebellion against her confusing, unbearable feelings for you. now, even her rage is yours. the tension between you two doesn’t just show up in quiet moments: it explodes in arguments. “you don’t own me, jackie,” you snap at her and she fires back, “you don’t get to move on like this”

“move on from what?” you’ll then scoff, thinking you have her. she’s the one who claims that she doesn’t want you. she’s the one running back to jeff.

yet it all ends the same way: you never get your answer, instead, jackie kisses you mid-sentence, silencing whatever protest you still had. and, as much as you hate to admit it, it works. she has you on your knees for her in no time, lapping up her arousal while she’s got her head thrown back in pleasure, a hand clamped over her mouth to stifle her sighs.

jackie, who always finds ways to keep you around somehow.

maybe it’s because she’s jackie taylor and there’s never been anything in her picture-perfect life that she couldn’t have. but, no matter what, she’s got you wrapped around her finger. there’s no way out for you. you’re pathetic, and the worst part is that you know damn well, and yet you’re still willing to go this far for her. in school/public in general, jackie is the ultimate golden girl: polite, charming, and always keeping up appearances. however, when it’s just the two of you, she’s all quiet desperation and need, pulling you into closets or sneaking you into her car just to feel close to you. whether she’d ever admit it or not, jackie loves the thrill of secrecy.

jackie, who starts bending her own rules.

she’s the one who set the “no strings attached” boundaries, but now she’s the one struggling to keep them, the closer graduation gets. it’s in the little things: at a party, she grabs your wrist a little too hard when you try to walk away from her. “we need to talk,” she insists, dragging you into an empty room. she doesn’t seem to care that someone might notice you leaving together; she just needs to feel like she still has control. but her desperation is palpable, and for once, she doesn’t even try to hide it. the truth is, you’re the only thing that feels real to her. and, with the final weeks of school fast approaching, jackie begins to realize how close she is to losing that. her jealousy, her need for control, her denial: they’re all spiraling out of her grasp.

jackie, who’s so clearly falling in love with you, who has known this from the start, and is still in denial about it.

she notices everything about you, from the way your nose scrunches up when you’re thinking to the way your laugh sounds when you’re genuinely happy. maybe it’s because she’s staring at you 90% of her time, whether it’s in class or during practice. she won’t ever say it outright, but she loves how your presence makes her feel grounded. around you, she can be herself without all the pressure to keep up her reputation. if anyone ever notices though, jackie will instantly turn them down. maybe it’s tai, who obviously knows a thing or two about hiding, or shauna who is noticing that something is off with her best friend and that you seem to have something to do with with. either way, she turns them down without batting an eye: “me and them? you’re crazy!” she laughs with a dismissive wave of her hand. later, when it’s just the two of you, she’ll look at you with guilt in her eyes. “you know i didn’t mean it, right?” jackie will ask softly.

jackie, who is stuck in a never ending cycle.

the two of you aren’t exactly compatible���turns out it is worse when you fight, though, so it’s seemingly easier to try and avoid conflict and go back to how things were: sex and hookups with “no strings attached”. you know it’s messy and complicated. it’s pointless, even, considering you’re well aware that you’re in love with her. but something about her keeps you coming back, no matter how much it hurts. you won’t be able to ignore your feelings for jackie forever, but you will for the time being if it means you get to have her temporarily.

jackie, who wants to make things right, but doesn't know how to.

even when things are going well, she finds ways to mess it up. after a particularly tender moment between you, she’ll say something cutting, something meant to remind you (and herself) that this isn’t real. it couldn't be, could it? “you know this doesn’t change anything, right?” she’ll say, her voice cool and detached. by the time she sees the hurt flash across your face, the damage is already done. you’re the only one who knows the jackie beneath the perfection: the girl who’s scared of not being enough. she’s terrified you’ll leave her for good, but she doesn’t know how to ask you to stay, either. it's why she does what she always does: to push you away first. it’s like she doesn’t know how to be with you properly. jackie tells herself it’s because it’s nothing serious, but the truth is that she’d never been in love before: with jeff, it’s only easy because she doesn’t want him like that. she doesn’t want him at all. it’s easy because she doesn’t care about him the way she should. with you, she doesn’t have to pretend, the care comes naturally, against her own will. no rule or boundary could stop the way she has so hopelessly fallen in love with you. and, deep down, jackie knows that. she knows that she’s fucked.

— okay, so, i have no idea where i’m going with this but with the amount of requests i’ve been receiving for another part, i’m pretty sure this won’t be the last one in this series. if anyone as any more ideas/thoughts on this whole scenario: feel free to share them!! <33 other than that thank you for reading! i promise i hear how much you guys love the jackie angst!!

[tan1shere]

Come To Me

Billie Eilish x female reader !

A/n: a lil lot self reflective ? I have a parent that is homophobic, it's a horrible thing but its sadly reality. I got this idea so I hope you enjoy. I notice how protective and caring Billie can get over the ones she loves :)

Summary: it was taking a toll on you, you couldn't handle how he treated you anymore it was just too much, so when you announced your new girlfriend in hopes he'd just understand, that's when things go south.

Warnings: angst angst angst, fluff at the end tho ! Homophobic parent.

Masterlist

It wasn't your fault. But it truly seemed like it. You lived with your dad for years, ever since you were 5, your mother had never been around so it was just the two of you. Everything was great he was sweet to you. That was until you got to the age of about 7 or 8, he started to not care as much. And it was always confusing when he did. You just wished he'd show it all the time. Not just when he felt like it. So it came a shock to him when you first said you might like girls. You were 13 and had a suspicion that you could infact like females.

"Don't be ridiculous. You'll settle down with a man, you don't even know what you want yet."

And that suck in your brain for years, you didn't truly see how horrible he ended up until later on. 16. You had genuinely figured out that you were into girls, you had your first kiss with one that year and it showed you how you that was. That was what you wanted. You wanted to be with girls. Kiss them. Make love with one. But it frightened you, as you were still living with your father, what he had said scared you. You had to pretend that you did like guys. Fake who you genuinely were. It was tiring by the age of 18.

So you decided to move out, be on your own where you wouldn't worry about accidentally saying how you loved women. Whenever you were on the phone with your friend you'd have to make sure none of you said anything along the lines, incase he listened. Incase he heard how 'a wrong thing' you felt was.

Now we are in the present. You had just turned 21, chilling out in your apartment. Watching something random on the TV. You had just been to see your girlfriend, Billie. When your phone dings.

Dad. ...

Hey angel, want to come round for some drinks to celebrate a late birthday?

You stare at it for a moment, you absolutely hated whenever he'd be sweet to you. It always seemed fake, even if he wasn't. It never ever lasted even when you moved out you'd get yelled at for fucking breathing. You couldn't escape it, not once. You take a moment not even sure if you want to, getting a bad feeling about it. But your dumbass says yes. Was it the name? It gave you hope he mightve actually loved you, and not because he has to. But it was never the case. He didn't love you. Unconditional love did not. Exist to him.

The door opens and you see him, he smiles and gives you a hug. But you hated this, you had tried to avoid seeing him for the past few years. You couldn't bare it. It would give you false hope that he changed. But there's no changing. Not now. So if you stayed away you wouldn't have to deal with him, deal with his niceness one day and horrible the next. As if you were a child again. Staying far away was the only option. You go into the house, putting the bottle of alcohol on the kitchen counter. "How have you been." He asks, following. "Not too bad, you?" "Same same." You nod, unsure of how to continue.

He seemed off, maybe he started drinking already. He claimed he wasn't an alcoholic but he really was. He had stopped in the past but nearly every night he'd drink, when you were a kid, teen, and even now. More so that he's retired. "So, anything new?"

I have a girlfriend and I'm gay.

"Not really no."

He nods, trying to find something to talk about. "I didn't make anything, but we can order something? Maybe McDonald's?" Your brows furrow just slightly. You use to always eat that when you were a kid, and maybe on the off occasion now but you hadn't had it in forever. "I don't really eat that anymore dad, maybe some Chinese or something." You then say, fiddling with your rings. "Yeah, that's fine. When did you stop eating it." You think for a second. "Maybe like 4 years ago?" The air was awkward again. Why was he acting as if he knew you. He truly knew nothing about you. Nor did he even try.

It had been an hour or so, you had got food and were trying to find some kind of topic to talk on. You had, had a few drinks. "Well, uhm was your birthday good?" You nod gently. "I spent it with some friends and I got a bunch of nice things too, from them and my gi-" You pause, but your mind said fuck it. You don't live with him anymore you live your own life now. "My girlfriend." He stares for a second. "Is this a new friend or that one you'd always call?" You sigh, he was ignoring the fact. He knew damn well. "I'm dating someone. A girl." More silence. Was it staying that way? Until he speaks. "You said that years ago, or something like it. Youre just confused still."

Something ignites in you. Maybe it was the alcohol or the pent up stress from your job but you fire back. "I know what I want and it's her. I'm far from confused." He shakes his head and goes to talk again but your anger wins, instantly shutting him up. "And no I don't have any interest in men I don't want to be with one. I don't want to marry one. But I think I have you to blame for that because you were the shittiest one in my life." You didn't want this to carry on, getting up and heading for the door. "Keep the booz I'm sure you'll drink it no problem." Now he was angry.

"Dont ever speak to me that way." You swiftly turn around. "Why? Because you know good and fucking well that it's the damn truth, that you're an alcoholic asshole, and a horrible father." Slap.

.....

Your worst fear came to reality. He'd never physically hurt you, always mentally. But you'd always wonder if he ever would, if something one day would really set him off and that was this moment. You hold your cheek as the sting spreads through your face, your finger moves to your nose feeling slight blood. Not much, but considering his strength it would definitely leave some marks. Everything was still. You didn't dare look at one another. "I don't ever want to see you again." You mumbled, but he heard. "Wait-" As if he felt guilty. He did that loud and proud. You just instantly turn around.

Heading for the door, he follows after but you were quicker to your car. "Y/n!" You were gone, never ever wanting to see him again. As you were driving slightly drunk you got a text from work and all you wanted to do was scream. Ofcourse they text right now. Then you got a call. Billie, you answer. "Hi." Your voice was slightly shakey but it wasn't evident through the speaker. "Hey! Was thinking about coming around, just got done with my shit for the day. I missed you." Your tears start pouring out, a sob escaping. "Baby?" You hear her say, you just hum in response. "What's going on you're worrying me." Her tone changed to tense. Serious. Then she heard your car in the background. Making her heart race like crazy. You had your phone on speaker but you put it down. "Pull over." She speaks, but your tears were firey. Your face stung. "Baby please pull over." She repeated.

After she got no reply again, she freaks out. You honestly couldn't hear her, your ears ringing and your mind fogged with everything that happened, you wanted to forget it all. Erase it from your brain. "Y/n, fucking pull over!" She screamed, that. You heard. Coming back to your senses and doing just that into a nearby gas station. She heard the car stop letting out a relived breath. "Jesus christ." She then says. "Where are you, please talk to me." She knew something horrible was up. You never ever wanted to bombard her with your past. Or even tell her about your father.

You told her tiny bits but not everything. Maybe it was time you did. But your slightly drunk state rejected that. "I'm fine, just needed to blow off some steam." You utter, so dry. So cold. And it was frustrating her she couldn't help. She couldn't do anything because she knew you were lying. She knew something wasn't right. "Where. Are. You." You let out a breath. "Talk later." She curses under her breath panicking as you hang up. How on earth was she going to find you. Your door opens as you get out of the car. Your intoxicated mind telling you too keep going. Maybe the sting on your face would ease.

You buy a bottle of whatever, going back out to your car to drink it. But soon the tears just come pouring out. All you wanted was to get home and curl up into bed. So you did, and you had 0 clue on how you made it, your vision blurry from the mix of tears and drunkenness. You had only just stepped through the door when your phone rings, but you had no energy to answer. Plopping your bag down on the floor, worrying about it later. You kick your shoes off somewhere. Also going to worry about them later. You fall to the floor, tears still coming down your cheeks, except this time your emotions had vanished. When yu hear your front door swing open.

Your head turns to see Billie standing there, worry and anger on her face. But the worrying look overtook it all. "What the fuck happened." Her brows knit together, noticing you're crying. "Fuck babe, I was terrified." Those emotions come back, seeing her face. And everything she brings with, her unconditional love. That's all you ever wanted. Was to truly feel that. You sob, heavy. And her heart just breaks, hurts to see you this way. Her hands make contact with your skin. "Did you fall over?" Her thumb swipes the growing bruise around your eye. "Fuck babe." She says more to herself. The redness on your check and the tiny dried up blood just beneath your nose. Your head shakes at her question. "Well you've been drinking, I can smell it. Did you drive home like this?" You nod, really not trusting your voice right now.

"Fuck." She lowers her head. "Don't do that shit, talk to me instead please." You hiccup trying to calm yourself down. "Hey hey, I'm not mad or anything yeah?" You nod "I know.. I'm just sorry." She purses her lips. "Don't be sorry, just talk to me. You know you can." Her thumb soothes over your face again, sensing you don't want to talk right now especially considering your state. "Come on." She softly says, grabbing your waist and getting you to stand. Your wobbly form almost makes you fall back down but her grip tightens. "Did someone do this to you?" Her face was almost back to angry again at the thought.

And when you anxiously don't reply her eyes widen. "Did they?" Your eyes shut for a second. But she drops the topic, taking you into your bathroom. She sits you up on the sink, grabbing a warm wet cloth. Gently wiping your face from the makeup you had on, the remainders that was. Your tears had ruined most of it. You then had the sudden urge to tell her, tears starting up again. "My dad.. He did it. I went to go see him and we drunkenly got into an argument and he hit me hard." Her face drops, hating seeing you in such distress, it hurt her. "S-so. I left and I didn't know what to do and-" You hiccup again but Billie just brings you in for a comforting well needed hug. You cry into her shoulder, letting everything over the years out. And you felt like you could with her.

You felt safe, that kinda safe that you've never felt before. Her hand rubs gently up your back landing in your hair, resting her chin ontop of your head. You sat like that for awhile until you had calmed down again. You tell her everything, sitting on your bed and explaining. "What a douche." She says shaking her head. You nod in response. "Thank you." You then blurt out. She was slightly confused. "What for?" - "For making me feel so safe. You're the only person in my life who does." She grabs your face, so delicately. And kisses you sweetly. You knew this is what you want, what you've always wanted. No man could ever make you feel so safe and comfortable.

"I always want you safe. You mean so much to me and when I heard you driving my heart sunk right down to the floor." You felt awful, you never knew anyone could worry that much about you. "I love you." She then says. And you believe her. You never ever believed anyone who told you those words. "I love you. So much." You then say with a bright smile. "Talk to me in future ok? I was so worried tonight. I just want to keep you safe." You nod, you most definitely were going to. After all. She was your everything, and more.

[enbysiriusblack]

december jily bingo: there's only one bed @jilychallenge

December

"There's only one bed", Sirius shrugged with a small smirk, "Sorry."

James took a glance to Lily's growing red face and turned back to Sirius.

"I can just sleep on the sofa down here."

"Nope", Sirius grinned, "Prometheus claimed it."

James and Lily glanced over the black cat curled up in Remus' lap.

"I can share with her", James shrugged.

Prometheus opened her eyes and hissed as soon as James spoke.

"Well, that's a no", Sirius gave a proud look to his cat.

"No worries", James tried again, "You and me can just bunk."

Sirius tilted his head and winced, "Well, me and Remus are actually sharing a room. We've both been quite busy lately so we need the alone time."

Lily shrugged, "Fine. I can go with Mary and Peter, and James can have the room all to himself."

"Oh", James frowned, "No, I'll bunk with them, you have the room. You deserve it, you've been working so hard all term."

Sirius rolled his eyes, "Neither of you are joining them. Pete's trying to get with Mary and you'll ruin his little romantic plan."

Peter turned towards him from his spot on the sofa and mouthed to Sirius, 'What the fuck?'

James scratched his head, "I thought he was gay?"

"He is", Lily huffed.

Sirius tutted, "Don't put the gays in a box."

James frowned slightly, "I don't think that's-"

"Time to show you to your room", Sirius interrupted, pushing James towards the staircase, Lily following suit.

It was on the first landing, behind a walnut brown door with a shiny golden doorknob. Sirius opened the door with a cheeky grin, allowing the two exes to step into their shared holiday bedroom.

○

June

"You're a git, James Potter!" Lily yelled.

"Oh yeah?" James shouted back.

"Yeah!"

He scoffed, "Well at least I know how to have fun!"

Lily threw her hands up in agitation, "That's not fun! What about that was fun?"

"Uh- All of it?" He shook his head, "Literally everyone in that classroom was laughing except you!"

"Because it was the middle of my exam! It was important!"

James huffed, "Please, you were hungover in your previous exam."

"And who's fault was that?"

"Because I threw a party? I'm sorry I wanted to celebrate my birthday!"

"By having a party with only drinking games! And you knew I had an exam the next morning!"

"How is that my fault? Oh my god, Lily, you know you make your own decisions, right? I've literally never forced you to do anything!"

"Well that isn't what I'm saying, can you just listen to me and not get so fucking defensive for once?"

"I'm listening! What? What are you saying?"

"I'm saying you're immature!"

"Oh!" James laughed, "Oh, of course! I'm always going to be stupid, immature, Potter, always making a mess of things, aren't I?"

"Well what do you call this morning, James?" Lily scoffed, "Because I call that embarrassing me in front of my teacher, ruining my entire classes' exam, and making a fool of yourself to get pity laughs from people you don't even know!"

"It was funny!" James yelled, "You were stressed out so I thought it'd release some tension, make it easier!"

"It's an exam!" Lily shouted, "You're meant to be stressed out."

Sirius walked into the kitchen, "Uh, guys. We can all hear you."

Lily and James glanced over, seeing their entire friend group staring at them from the lounge.

Lily huffed, "I'm done", She grabbed the plate of nachos that had been sitting there for a while and joined their friends.

"What does that mean?" James yelled after her.

○

December

James sat awkwardly on the edge of the double bed, glancing at the closed door to their bathroom every now and then.

He had grabbed the blankets and pillows from the sofa downstairs and laid them out on the floor as a makeshift bed.

Lily stepped out of the bathroom a moment later, dressed in her pyjamas, hair tied up in plaits, and her retainer put in. She spotted the set up James had made.

"What's that?"

"Oh", He stood up off the bed, "I-uh. I thought it might be a bit awkward to share, so I thought you'd prefer if I slept there."

Lily made her way over to the bed, "Just get in", she nodded towards the bed.

"You sure?"

She shrugged, "It's just a bed. Plus it's freezing, you won't just get a sore back if you sleep on the floor, you'll catch a cold."

James placed his glasses on the bedside table and slid in after her. They stared up at the dark ceiling, frozen next to each other.

Lily spoke up after a minute, "Thanks for planning this trip for us all."

"It was mostly Sirius."

"Just say you're welcome, James."

"You're welcome."

Lily smiled and turned to face him, "How have you've been? Just- I don't think we've really properly talked since... you know."

James stayed silent a moment before replying, turning to look at her too, albeit quite blurry.

"I'm okay. Now, I guess. Had a chemistry exam just the other day, I think it went well, I studied for it quite a lot."

"Are you trying to prove to me you're mature and care about your education so I'll get back together with you?"

James huffed, "No. I was just talking to you."

"Oh, sorry."

"I'm actually seeing someone."

"You are?" Lily frowned.

"Ish", James hummed, "We've just been talking really, nothing exclusive. He's uh- he's seeing other people too."

Lily nodded.

"Are you?" James began to ask.

"No, no", She shook her head, "No one's really caught my eye, I suppose."

James grinned, "I left you with impossibly high standards, huh?"

Lily laughed, "Yeah, that's it. No one can fill the shoes of James Potter."

James glanced back up to the ceiling with a smile, a serious tone in his voice as he spoke, "No one can fill the shoes of Lily Evans."

Lily's smile faded slightly and the two laid in silence for a moment.

"I'm sorry", she quietly spoke into the darkness.

"For what?"

"Breaking up with you for such a stupid reason... I know you're not the immature git you were at fifteen. I didn't mean what I said back then, you know? I was just stressed about the exams and Petunia's dumb wedding and everything."

"Yeah, no", James sniffled, "I- uh. I barely remember what you said anyway."

"James", Lily sighed.

He stayed silent.

"Don't do that", she carried on, "I know you, you don't have to show off your macho masculinity to me."

James chuckled, "I don't do that."

"Right", she snorted.

"I didn't mean it either, you know?" James turned back to her.

"No, its", Lily shook her head, "I'm aware I'm not the life of the party or anything."

"Well, no" James frowned, "But you are fun. Just because you care about studying and your future and everything doesn't mean you aren't fun. I mean you're the one that came up with 'Egg the Loser'!"

Lily laughed, "I kinda just wanted to throw an egg on Marlene's head, honestly. Plus I knew I'd never lose a game of hot sauce vodka shots, so I'd never be the loser."

James laughed with her, "It's a brilliant game. And you know, before we were friends with you, we always rang out of food and drinks within the first hour of our parties. But you always manage to plan it all out exactly."

Lily smiled at him, "I missed you."

○

June

"I thought she was the love of your life?" Remus questioned.

James shrugged, "She is."

"But you've broken up", Sirius huffed, "And your plan is to do nothing."

"We just didn't work out."

"But you never give up with Lily", Sirius pressed on, "Or with anything, really."

James shrugged again, "We decided to just be friends. And I'm fine with that."

Sirius frowned, "Because we ran into her exam pretending to stab each other? I gave that long red scarf thing we used as blood to her teacher and he loved it, I saw him wearing it just the other day."

"It was immature", James stuffed his hands into his pockets.

Sirius scoffed, "It was a joke, I swear I saw her smiling."

"Apparently not."

"So when are you getting back together?" Peter asked.

"We're not", James sulked, "We're just friends and that's all we're going to be from now on."

Sirius glanced to his friend in disbelief.

○

December

As the clock passed 3am, the rest of the house was fast asleep. James and Lily continued to talk in the dark, not noticing the hours fade past.

"I'd like for us to be closer."

James glanced to her, only really seeing a dark blurry shape, but he fixated on it nonetheless, "Closer friends."

Lily smiled after a moment, "Yeah, sure, that."

James bit his lip slightly, "I know we agreed to have the summer apart and get over each other and when we got back to school we'd be friends and be able to hang out. But, it's taking me a lot longer to get over you, I suppose. I know I've kinda been avoiding you a bit since September but the summer just flew by and even now you're just constantly on my mind. So I don't think we can, be closer friends I mean. I think it just might hurt too much, I'm sorry."

Lily felt for James' hand and clutched it, "No, I understand. I didn't really get over you by the end of summer either. I mean I've still got your things in my apartment, not even like shoved in a box, it's just all out. I mean I wear your jumper practically every other night... I don't know why I just admitted that."

James let out a laugh, "It's sweet. It's comforting, I suppose. To know I'm not the only one of us who's a complete dork stuck in the past."

Lily stroked his thumb in thought, "I always liked that about us - the whole romantic dorks thing."

"Same", James smiled, "We were a good match."

"Yeah", Lily breathed out.

They turned away from each other, facing opposite sides of the room but their hands still interlocked beneath the duvet.

James began to turn around, "Lily, I think-"

She reached forwards, holding his face and kissing him.

She let go after a moment.

"Sorry."

James reached over and kissed her back immediately.

They snogged for a while, consumed in the longing from the absence of each other.

"Hold on", James breaked apart for a moment, hands on Lily's waist as he frowned in realisation, "I booked this house with Sirius and we made sure there was four bedrooms."

Lily laughed, "You want to go sleep in the spare room then?"

"Absolutely not", he grinned.

[bountycancelled]

LOST CAUSE

bada x reader (part 1)

MASTERLIST | NEXT

warnings: none really, it's just kinda sad

content: petnames (only one is used in reference to reader, but a few are mentioned) alcohol mentions (reader drinks away her feels) sad gays and bad gays, unedited becusse I'm lazy, a whole lotta projecting myself onto reader

being bada's best friend would be the death of you, you were calling it right now.

she wasn't a bad friend by any means, quite the opposite actually. from the late night talks that would last until the early mornings before you both passed out, the tiny, sentimental gifts she would randomly get for you without expecting anything in return, to the way she would hold you, god, she was perfect. you loved everything about her.

but, that was the problem, wasn't it? you loved her. and a part of you wants to blame her for making it so easy, falling for her, but you know that would be unfair. not only because she wasn't leading you on or anything, but also because she couldn't do any wrong in your eyes.

everytime your heart fluttered at one of her actions, it would sink just as quickly. she's doing this as a friend, you would always remind yourself. but your not so friendly reminders didn't stop you from hoping. for something more, that one day, miracously, bada would realise that she was in lo–

"what's got you so worried?" you were pulled out of your daily dose of dramatic reality checking by none other than bada. her head was in your lap, she stared up at you with a look that you could only describe as... content. comfortable. and so, so beautiful.

"huh?" you answered, having not heard her clearly, too busy being in your head instead of in the real world, where unfortunately, you belonged.

she raised her arm and pressed on the space between your eyebrows, a small pout on her face. "you're frowning. what's wrong, pretty?"

the nicknames. the fucking. nicknames.

pretty, gorgeous, baby, love, honey. it was things like that made you believe, even if just for a moment, that she knew that you liked her, loved her, and was just toying with you for enjoyment.

you'd feel guilty everytime you had that thought. she wouldn't. not to you, not to anyone, not ever.

"it's nothing, really. I'm just in a mood today." you shrugged, hoping that she would, for your sake, take your half-hearted explanation and leave it there.

she nodded, clearly unconvinced, but moved one nonetheless. "do you still wanna go to the club tonight? we can cancel and spend the night together instead." she offered, lifting her head off of your lap in favour of placing it on your shoulder, waiting for your answer.

"no, we can still go, we'll just come back here together. we've blown off our friends enough times, I'm starting to feel bad." you joked, and once again, the atmosphere was light and airy. with that settled, you both stood up, trying to find something to wear for the nights activities.

you walked into her closet, sprinkled with tops and skirts from your own, almost laughing at the absurdity of the situation. for someone who claimed that being around bada was painful, your personal stamp on her home sure made it hard to believe.

"how's this?" you said for what felt like the 29th time to bada (it was only the third) as you spun around for her, showing off one of your options for the night.

she sat at the edge of the bed, ready to go about 20 minutes before you, as she usually was. her head was tilted back, staring at the ceiling as she waited patiently for you to finally choose something to wear.

you tried not to stare at her neck, which she made easier for you by finally looking at you, tilting her head to the side as she inspected your outfit.

"I was gonna say its looks as good as the other two because you look amazing in anything and everything, but... I like this one. a lot."

the way she looked at you when she said that, with her bottom lip between her teeth, stayed with you as you walked to the club together, hand in hand. did she really have no idea how much she affected you? you weren't sure if you hoped that she didn't, or did.

but you weren't going to think of that tonight. you were going to drink, and dance, and hang out with your friends, and not let bada affect you. if only for just one night.

okay, maybe you had had one too many drinks by now, but you weren't drunk just yet. it was still the normal you, just with a few tweaks. a little less shame here, a little more confidence here, nothing too major.

you were half in minah's lap and half in tatters, singing obnoxiously, almost as loud as the song blasting from the speakers. you weren't even thinking of bada... wait, where the hell was bada?

you squinted your eyes as they darted across the dance floor, hopelessly trying to locate her in the dim lighting of the club. but you didn't have to look for long, because she was headed back to your table, a smile painted on her face.

you stood up, suprisingly not stumbling as you walked up to her, wrapping your arms around her shoulders. "where were you?" you shouted over the music, wearing a curious expression.

she bit her lip excitedly before speaking into your ear, sending involuntary shivers down your spine. damn you and your natural charm, bada.

"I met a girl." you didn't mean for your face to drop in the way that it did, but from the looks of it, bada didn't even notice. if she did, then she didn't mention it.

"she actually wants to come over to my place..." bada trailed off, sending you a pleading look, a certain lust-driven glee shining in her eyes.

"oh." you said flatly before you could stop yourself, moving your arms away from her and crossing them over your chest.

she quickly wrapped her arms around your middle, squeezing while pleading her case in an effort to soften the blow. it doesn't help, not one bit.

"I know we were supposed to have a binging marathon, but please baby? just this once? I'll make it up to you real good, you know I always do." 'because I always let you.' you wanted to add, but you bit your tongue, you weren't feining for a fight with bada right about now.

you sigh, your arms hanging limply by your sides. "okay. I'll just crash at lushers'." you fight the urge to gag as she squeals in excitement, at the prospect of spending the night with someone who isn't you.

she gave you a curious look, most likely sensing your jealousy apprehension, her arms still around you, feeling more suffocating than comforting at that moment.

"...are you sure?" no. I'm not, don't go with her.

you nodded furiously, removing her arms from your frame, and turning her around, pushing her toward the dance floor where she had left her pursuit for the night. "go, she'll think you're blowing her off if you keep talking to me."

"are you actually, super, one hundred percent certain that I can go with her?" she pushed you further, and you knew that she knew that you weren't really all that okay with it.

but what was the point? you could easily sway her into sticking to the original plan, but she would've spent the whole night daydreaming about what could've been with the mysterious girl at the club. you didn't want to deal with that. you were tired of feeling like a second choice.

you wanted her to choose you, because she wanted to choose you. not because you asked her to.

'no, I'm not sure. I don't want you to go with her. I want you to choose me for once. choose me.' you screamed in your own mind, but all that could be seen on the outside was you smiling the best you could at bada, nodding once more before walking back to where the rest of your group sat, downing the drink in front of you.

you didn't know if it was even yours, but it didn't matter to you right now.

minah noticed your sudden change in mood, holding your hand in hers in a silent attempt to comfort you. you squeezed it as means of expressing gratitude, you didn't wanna talk about it.

but, you didn't need to. she knew, and if the downright pitiful looks the rest of the group were throwing your way were anything to go by, it seemed that everyone else knew too.

you wanted to leave, so you left. lusher had no problem going home early with you, she could tell that you weren't in a good headspace. you left with lushers arms around you, half to make sure that you didn't stumble, and half to try to make you feel a little better.

you left with a bitter taste in your mouth, and not from the shitty drinks you were downing.

you left without saying goodbye to bada, which you never did. she waved when she saw you by the door, that big smile still evident even in the dark lighting.

you didn't wave back.

a/n: this wasn't planned, and I wrote it in a day, but I hope you guys like it. also, doing a bada series and and a bada smau at the same time isn't my brightest idea, but fuck it, we ball.

[bree-peasant]

One for the Ages - a Kakashi x fem!Reader fic

Chapter 5/5

(Back to Chapter 1, Chapter 4)

Author's note: Thank you guys for following this series! Although this is the last chapter, I have more ideas for these two, so might revisit in the future. In the meantime, if anyone has any requests, I'd be excited to try prompt writing! I hope you enjoy the ending, happy reading! <3

Word count: 2.4k

Summary (from part 1): A new shinobi joins the Konoha ranks and Kakashi finds himself inexplicably drawn to her. Gai also appears in this one!

Warnings: none in this chapter!

Enjoy! ♡

-------------------------------------------------------

Kakashi had tried his best to put Y/N out of his mind throughout the day, but the thought kept pestering him. He kept imagining her laugh, throwing her head back at something Genma said, and he would almost see red at the thought of it. Even worse, the idea of the two of them hooking up, would send him spiralling. As the evening drew nearer, he selfishly decided he needed to intervene.

He felt so guilty spying on them, as they stumbled towards her flat, but more than anything, he was annoyed at the fact that she'd invited him back. Deep down he knew how unfair and irrational his actions were, but he just couldn't stop himself from pressing further.

He hadn't even dropped his book the previous night. He just needed an excuse to interrupt their evening. Kakashi had used a substitution jutsu on a random box he'd found hiding under her bed, in support of his alibi. Despite his shame at how low he had stooped, part of him felt a sense of satisfaction from stepping in and showing the other jōnin who's territory this was. Then again, he had no right to claim Y/N as his own.

Burdened by these contradicting thoughts, Kakashi fled to his usual haunt - the park bench, where he'd bumped into her all those nights ago.

Back at her flat, Y/N sat down heavily. Although feeling mostly sober by now, her thoughts were at a disarray. She was upset by Genma's departure, she thought they had great chemistry and felt disappointed by his easy surrender. Having said that, she couldn't entirely blame the guy. Kakashi's notoriety followed him around, the awful nickname 'friend-killer' on everyone's minds when he walked passed. She wasn't afraid of him, but she could understand Genma not wanting to get on his bad side.

Oh, Kakashi. Just thinking about his antics earlier made her furious. What was he playing at, storming in there like that, pretending he'd spent the night with her. The more she played the scene over in her head, the more riled up she became. His nonchalant tone and sarcastic manners burned inside her mind's eye. He must've done it on purpose. But for what reason?!

Starting to feel herself go crazy, Y/N decided that she needed to confront the gray-haired trickster. And she knew exactly where to find him.

Unsurprisingly, he was in the park as if expecting her. She stormed towards him, unconcerned by the late hour.

"What the hell was that back there?" She demanded, letting her anger loose on him.

"I don't know what you mean." Kakashi acted casual, not looking up from his book.

"Oh please! You and I both know you have a million copies of that book, stashed in your house. This was deliberate!"

"I take it he's left, seeing as you're here, shouting at me."

"I'm not..." she had to consciously lower her voice. "I'm not shouting at you. And yes, what did you expect after that scene you caused. How did you even know he was there?!"

"I hear things." His sarcasm was infuriating.

"Why, Kakashi? What could you have possibly had to gain from embarrassing me like that?"

"Well, if you must know, Genma's a notorious playboy. I didn't think he was good enough for you." He replied, trying to convince himself as much as her that this had been his motivation.

She was astounded by his audacity. Recovering her composure, she spat back at him:

"Frankly, that's none of your business!"

"As your friend, I thought it my duty to intervene and..."

"No!" She cut him off, losing her nerve entirely. "You lost any authority over my lovelife the second you refused to be the focus of it." Her voice was no longer angry, but riddled with sorrow. Refusing to let herself fall apart in front of him, Y/N turned around and ran back to her flat, leaving a guilt-riddled Kakashi behind.

"Oh, boy...what have I done." He sighed into the night.

His earlier satisfaction from achieving his goal had completely disappeared, substituted by shame and regret. He'd recognised the hurt in her voice, forcing him to realise how he'd toyed with her tonight. He put his head in his hands in desperation.

One thing remained unclear to him; why had he done it? He'd acted almost impulsively, refusing to acknowledge a simple truth. Whether he wanted to or not, he was finally faced with an answer - he'd been jealous. Of course, he knew he had feelings for her, but he'd tried so hard to repress them for fear of losing her like so many before, that he'd hardly acknowledged them. And now... In his ignorance, he'd acted foolishly and threatened to lose her anyway.

"I have to fix this." He said to himself, still unsure of his next move.

Over the next few days, the rookie genin teams competed in the preliminary round of the chunin exam, where their numbers were significantly depleted. The remaining kids would go on to face each other in the finals, a month later. The Hokage called an assembly of all chunin and jōnin of the village.

"As you all know, many influential lords and politicians will be joining us during the final stage of the chunin exam. We need to showcase not only our village's strength, but our financial merits as well." The Hokage spoke.

"This is why, we are hosting an event to gain new investors, who will support our shinobi training program. It'll be held in one week, and I have personally invited some of the wealthiest merchants and title holders. I expect you all to attend and work towards charming our guests."

Great, Y/N thought, she only had a month to prepare Shino for the final matches, and now this.

None of the attendees seemed particularly pleased by the news, but one look at the Hokage's stern expression, and they all knew they had to do what was expected of them.

Leaving the meeting auditorium, it was Kakashi's turn to pull Y/N aside.

"Can we talk?" He said. Seeing her reluctance, he added a please at the end of his question.

She sighed and led him to a corner in the hallway, where it was quiet. They hadn't seen each other since that awful argument, but it still felt as fresh as the night it happened.

"Y/N, you have to know how sorry I am. I acted stupidly and things got out of control. I never meant to hurt you, truly." Kakashi looked genuinely remorseful as he spoke.

She'd planned on staying mad at him, but his sincerity cracked her stern exterior. There was no point in denying it, she had a soft spot for him, and she would forgive anything. But things couldn't go on like this.

She took a deep breath, letting her guard down.

"I want to be your friend, Kakashi, I really do. But I think we should stop with the late nights and surprise visits...both of us." She trailed off, avoiding his eye. She knew he'd be disappointed, upset even. She knew it, because her own heart was breaking as she spoke.

"We've gotten ourselves so emotionally intertwined, I think we can't lay any boundaries anymore."

He didn't interrupted her, didn't argue. How could he, when what she was saying was the truth.

"We can be friendly around each other... just not in the way we have been so far." She concluded.

Kakashi nodded silently. They remained in place for a moment.

"If that is what you want." He finally spoke, then promptly turned around and walked away.

Y/N sighed. What she had wanted was to be with him, but he'd taken that possibility away. Now it seemed they were both hurting.

The following week passed quickly. Between training with Shino and her other jōnin duties, Y/N had hardly any time to dwell on her recent personal drama, and she was glad for it. Only at night, when sleep would undoubtedly evade her, she desperately wished to see him, fighting the urge to seek him out with all her strength.

"It'll get easier." She kept telling herself, never fully believing it.

Kakashi applied himself vigorously to training Sasuke, even teaching him the chidori. He was somber and quiet the rest of the time, which wasn't unusual for the typically withdrawn copy-ninja, or at least so it seemed on the outside. In truth, he was suffering at the loss of Y/N more than he wanted to admit.

He would roam around the village at night, hoping to bump into her, if even for a second, then quickly hiding at the faintest of sounds, ashamed of his actions. He wanted to respect her wishes, yet his heart ached more and more with each day he kept away. He was beginning to realise that the most foolish thing he had done, was deny his feelings for her. He'd shown her everything, up to his rotten core, and she hadn't looked away. Kakashi loved her for that. Kakashi loved her. But wasn't it too late?

The investor event came along. It was to be held in the assembly halls, with live music, drinks and dancing. Although not entirely willing, the village shinobi put on their best clothes and their brightest smiles, to fulfil their duties for their homeland. Even if those duties were to charm the wealthy businessmen and women, whose money they needed.

Y/N wore her best yukata to the event, her hair neatly pinned back and with flowers tucked in it. As she walked into the brightly lit room, she was met by a dazzling Gai.

"Y/N, you're a vision of spring and beauty!" He said, taking her hand in his. "With your good looks and mine, we're sure to get some hearts racing tonight! And some money in our pockets" He whispered the last statement and winked at her.

She giggled at his usual flamboyance and allowed him to lead her away towards some guests. She was listening to a boring conversation between two merchants and politely smiling along, when she spotted Kakashi walking in. He wore a dark grey hakama over his kimono, which made him stand out in the crowd. Her first thought was how handsome he looked, but she quickly scolded herself over it and instead motioned a wave, when he looked her way. To her surprise, Kakashi didn't respond, but quickly ducked and disappeared amongst the pool of people. She wondered if he maybe hadn't seen her.

As the night began unfolding, music started playing and couples came out on the dance floor. Suddenly, Y/N found herself swarmed with suitors, asking her to dance one after the other. Bound to her duty, she obliged the guests, but every time one of them spun her around, her eyes would seek out Kakashi. And without a doubt, every time her gaze fell upon his, he'd turn away.

A group dance was organised, where couples would join in and switch partners at different intervals. An older gentleman, who traded with ships (or so she was told) asked her to dance. She smiled sweetly and offered him her hand, despite feeling exhausted by this point. At least she'd stumbled upon a good dancer, as he expertly led and twirled her around.

Upon switching partners, she was pulled in by a familiar embrace. Kakashi held her tight, as he maneuvered them both swiftly along the dancefloor.

"He dances." She said, feigning surprise.

"Well, when the Hokage's wife drags you out, it's hard to refuse." Kakashi let out a slight chuckle.

She scoffed at that, the cheerful glint in her eyes betraying her true feelings. It was a relief to see him smile again.

"You've been avoiding me tonight." She said matter-of-factly.

Kakashi cleared his throat.

"I'm surprised you noticed with all the men throwing themselves at you." His voice sarcastic, yet strained.

"Does it bother you?" Her eyes widened in curiosity. She couldn't help but push on.

"Of course it bothers me." His sincerity surprised her. Usually with him, it was all cloak and dagger, so why the sudden reveal? She felt the familiar feelings of confusion and hurt rising up in her.

"You must know by now that none of that matters to me." She whispered, loosing the grip on her emotions somewhat.

"And why not?" His gaze intensely focused on her expression, trying to read it.

"Kakashi..." She hesitated.

"I want to hear you say it." He pressed further leaning into her ear, his voice just above a whisper.

Sensing the exhaustion take over, she felt like she was going to crack. It was too much, being so close to him, wondering if he was toying with her again.

"I... I can't do this!" Y/N pulled away from him, running towards the entrance. A few heads turned to look at Kakashi, eyes filled with curiosity. Kurenai ran over to him.

"What happened?"

"Nothing."

"I better go and check on her." The female jōnin looked concerned.

"No, don't. I'll go after her." He interjected, leaving the dance floor.

Once outside, he spotted her walking away in rushed steps.

"Y/N, wait!" He called after her, running to shorten the distance between them.

She stopped and turned towards him. When he reached her, he could see tears gleaming in the corner of her eyes.

"Wait for what, Kakashi? I can't keeping doing this with you. This back and forth, this game..." She trailed off, her voice shaky.

Kakashi reached his hand and gently wiped her wet cheek.

"Y/N, I've been a fool." Was the only thing he managed to say.

"What on earth do you mean?" She was still angry with him, an anger born out of hurt.

"Denying what my heart has been aching for, this whole time." His palm rested on her cheek, the way hers once had, when he'd shown her the sharingan.

The sorrow in her eyes turned to surprise, then to hope. She leaned into his hand, taking a step closer to him.

"And what is it that you've been aching for?" She asked softly.

Kakashi sighed.

"You know."

"I want to hear you say it." She echoed his words from earlier.

He watched her for a moment, taking in her beautiful, tear-stained face.

"You."

At those words, she closed the remaining distance between them, pulling him into a passionate kiss. Weaving her arms around his neck, his own wrapping around her waist, their bodies intertwined as their lips devoured each other. When they finally pulled back to take a deep breath, they were both smiling widely.

"Take me home, Kakashi." She whispered.

He took her hand in his and led her back, both hearts soaring at the feeling of surrender.

-------------------------------------------------------

@duckingmetal @junksmah @jinnyart06 thank you for your support guys <3

[sporeblossom]

logging back onto this website to say that while i dont think (???) it was intentionally done, the scene before their "last day" where frank is working on a portrait of bill, reminded me of keith haring's "unfinished painting"

comparison here before i explain:

keith haring's painting was purposely made to look incomplete. haring was diagnosed with HIV in late 1988, and died in early 1990, at the age of 31. the painting is a self portrait, hitting us with the gut-punch reality of how the aids-epidemic robbed haring of the right to finish his own story. the overwhelming amount of empty space is a glaring reminder that haring didn't just have a short life, he had an incomplete one. the piece points to all that empty space and says: this should have been filled out. this should all have been my art, my story, and my space. by claiming this empty space, haring claimed the empty space of his unlived life, that was taken from him and so many other people, by a negligent and homophobic society that refused to care about the pandemic ravaging an entire community worldwide.

now back to my original point: like i said, im really not sure if this was intentionally done by the show. but when i was watching this episode and i saw this scene, i immediately thought of this painting. the blue color of the eye trailing off onto the blank part of the canvas is, at least to me, a strong visual parallel.

and i feel like this visual parallel highlights some very important thematic parallels as well, which deserve to be talked about. in the show, the outbreak starts in 2003 which means that bill and frank have both lived through the aids-epidemic. they have seen people like them die. they have experienced the hatred and isolation that came with it. you could speculate and read into things ad nauseaum, but i thinks it's safe to say that in this place and time, this also plays into how careful and hesitant they are, when they first start to show intimacy with each other. in their world, they didn't even get to experience the legalization of gay marriage.

seeing as this show takes place during another, fictional, pandemic, airing at a time where the real world has just faced another actual pandemic, it is impossible to ignore this aspect of their story.

these two characters however, are not destroyed by the outbreak in the show. they find each other, they experience freedom, love, and a full life together. their life is not cut short.

in an absurd twist of fate, when the rest of the world is finally forced to experience what it's like to be abandoned by your government during a devastating epidemic, this is when these two people find happiness. they get to go running, and have fights, and grow strawberries, and have friends over for dinner.

and after spending nearly twenty years together, frank spends his last time working not on a self portrait, but on a portrait of bill, the love of his life. this is the sort of thing that rightfully should have filled the empty space of haring's work. finding love(s) spending your time together, that is a life lived.

and yet frank's painting is unfinished, because of course we are never truly done living. we are never truly done loving. but he got so much more time, so much more story, than the people we lost to the aids epidemic, which the trailing off blue paint reminds us of.

at the same time their house is absolute filled with all the paintings that frank did finish, showing us all the good days he got with bill. and in a way, i feel like that is the show being very aware of what it is: a complete, beautiful story about two men loving each other, in a world that sorely lacks these stories. a world where we had so many unfinished, incomplete lives, that we lack an entire generation of older gay men.

and even though i was completely reduced to tears by the end of this episode, the ending still filled me with some sort of mournful joy. because yes, even though it was incredibly sad to see their last day, these two men got to fill so much of their empty space. they got to experience love, and they got to live their life. like bill says: "im old. im satisfied. and you were purpose."

so many people didn't get that. keith haring didn't get that. a whole generation of queer people didn't get that. that makes this episode so much more moving for me, because it is not just an incredibly beautiful love story, but it is an incredibly beautiful love story that the world should rightfully have seen millions more of. but all those lives were incomplete.

so with the undeniable, but unspoken, presence of the aids epidemic in the narrative of these characters, this visual reference to keith haring and aids, purposeful or not, is incredibly meaningful.

[deadnatura11]

I think we need to deconstruct the 'Risky Business' scene and take a step back -

I just watched a video where someone put Ryan's dancing and the actual scene with Tom Cruise side by side for comparison and it was... pretty spot on. Like maybe a 95% accuracy rate.

Now from a production perspective, we write this off as a fun homage and reference to an older movie that was probably pretty popular with the writer's room, which tracks given what we know about the bts workers for the show.

However, if we think about it from a story perspective -

Why would Eddie, in his first allowed moment of actualized joy, recreate the Risky Business dance scene?

On its face, Eddie has probably never lived alone in his life. He went from his childhood home to the army to then sharing a house with his wife and child to then only his child. That man has never had an actual moment of privacy. Here he is essentially 'alone' and he is learning how to be by himself, how to be okay with being alone, which he would have had to learn how to do anyway once Chris goes to college. Chris being in Texas is making Eddie reckon with this much earlier. And in doing so he is learning how to take care of himself and his needs. Circling back to the airplane disaster earlier this season, he needs to put his own mask on before he can help anyone else with theirs. He can't be a good parent to Chris without working on himself. And part of that is giving himself the space to be alone in his house, dancing in his underwear, naked. He is learning to let go of his shame, which we see happen by not even bothering to put pants on when he sees Buck. Usually, when this scene was recreated in other shows, the person "caught" dancing in their underwear feels immediately embarrassed and tries to walk it back. Eddie did no such thing. This is a step in the right direction.

Furthermore, Risky Business was a movie that came out in 1983 (and also was the catalyst for Tom Cruise's long-standing rumors that he was a gay man, which I won't get into here, discuss the validity of these claims, nor how it also relates to Eddie's journey). Given what we know about Eddie, he is a 90s baby. He was born a decade AFTER this movie came out. So by the time he saw it, it was not at the height of its popularity.

Like I've mentioned, this scene has been recreated throughout media since its debut, so there were many opportunities for him to learn about the movie on his own.

But the choice of pulling a Risky Business allows us to infer:

- dancing around is something he has wanted to do

- dancing the Risky Business dance was something he has wanted to do for a long time

Furthermore, the step by step recreation means that Eddie has had to have watched the movie, watched that scene, hundreds of times to do it so flawlessly.

Now imagine a young Eddie Diaz... sitting in front of his living room tv... late at night... the movie muted... rewinding the tape in his VHS to watch Tom Cruise dance around in his underwear and wondering why he can't stop watching and why it makes him happy.

I'll end by including this link to an OUT article about the cultural significance of Tom Cruise in 'Risky Business' to the queer community.

Tl;dr - Eddie saying he is straight means nothing as he was able to flawlessly recreate the 'Risky Business' dance scene from memory.

[averyfortshire]

Watched Late Night With the Devil and I now am forcibly compelled to mention James Randi, who is undoubtedly referenced in their fictional sceptical guy.

Randi was a gay guy who started as a magician. More importantly, Randi saw mystics and psychics take advantage of the public and used his abilities as a stage magician to debunk it. He did this because he could not stand to see people being lied to, or for those in grief be exploited.

A notable achievement of his was exposing faith healer, Peter Popoff in the 80s. Popoff made people fill out a form before his shows about their personal life and his wife would feed him info during his live acts through an ear piece. This was to make his claim that God told him this information to heal them feel more credible. Randi exposed this by planting fake participants in the auidence, my favourite being a cis guy in a dress that Popoff claimed he cured of uterine cancer. As you can imagine, Popoff caused massive harm.

My man also fucking hated Uri Geller, stating that "when I die, I want to be creameated and my ashes to be blown into Uri Geller's eyes."

Uri Geller is a massive fucking phonie and Randi wanted so badly to expose him. And he did. Frequently. Randi was not applauded for this. He was hated for it. Because people want to believe in the mysterious. Randi put out a one million dollar bounty for someone who could prove they had psychic abilities, and it was never claimed.

What Randi did, was to help those. To make sure that faith healers and psychics weren't taking people for a fucking ride. And it was a thankless job. He died and it was a legitimate loss.

I'm not the best writer, but Super Eyepatch Wolf did a phenomenal video on him and on how dangerous this shit is. Please go watch that.

[12amphantasm]

People always meet you with reverence, “Father Andrew!”, they greet when you walk past, admiration heavy in their voices. They love you for how pious you are, friendly and loving, your patience and generosity.

And you love them, too. Just like the place you have stayed in for nearly twenty years, the huge complex composed of a humble yet luxurious church, the boarding school for troubled youths, the small but very warm house for the elderly, and the nearby university of theology - together known as The Hillset Private Conservatory.

God loves it all, every flower, every human, and whatever it might be that’s walking through these halls. __

The game is 18+ and meant for an adult audience.

Although the romance is strictly MxM, sexuality is relevant only for the romantic routes and the game can be played without engaging in intimate relationships, but at the expense of background information the player won’t be able to get in other ways. __

The game will be uploaded in parts, starting at least with 10k words. Planed release: Late April/early May 2024 ___

Written by a gay man, the romance is MxM only and stays true to reality, portraying genuine gay relationships, without stereotypes and harmful tropes.

“We Are God’s Most Beloved” is an old-school text-heavy interactive fiction novel and recommended to those who love reading.

Choices are meaningful instead of flavour and used only when they have an actual impact, this means there are long passages of text, which requires the reader to keep track of the story – just like they would with a novel. There is a lot to explore, attentive readers might find more game in this interactive fiction than one would expect.

The main genre is horror, even if nothing is outrageously explicit and often handled with a focus on the absurd, it contains horror-typical themes and tropes such as blood, body horror, surreal imaginary, and other commonly used elements.

In addition, mental illness, dysfunctional familial relationships, and physical assault play an important role depending on which route is chosen.

Hillset Private Conservatory, build in 1802, despite its long history, is a name few people know or have ever heard, and if one is aware of its existence, it’s rarely for good reasons.

Rumours have it that the owner was a paranoid man and the gigantic complex created solely to have a spacious cage for his family, namely his eight children, only for all of them to find an untimely death on this very property.

"It's haunted!", some say. "It's evil!", some claim.

Of course, nothing of that is true, the many teachers, counsellors, nuns, and priest can attest to that, and so would many of their students. At least a good portion of them. Maybe some, at least.

Now summer vacation has ended, and a new batch of fosterlings is about to arrive; frightened, misguided, and troubled teens in need of loving care, education, and a new chance at life.

Father Andrew, the only acting priest, will do his best, like always, to show them God’s brilliance and create a warm home out of these century old walls.

No railroading, no hand-holding

Life is full of choices, you have to make your own and live with them, ultimately missing out on certain things, or ending up utterly regretting what you did. There is no right or wrong, no road I, more or less sneakily, force you to take, choices are all equally valid and accounted for. ___

A fixed protagonist

Father Andrew is a fixed character, with his own likes, dislikes, appearance, and convictions. But how he navigates the world, how he reacts, who he becomes fond of or rather avoids, his interactions and how he lives his life, and, of course, what you learn about him, is up to you. ___

One end to rule them all

There are no bad endings or early finishes, all choices lead to the same endpoint, but how it looks like… is on you alone. ___

No stats

“We Are God’s Most Beloved” doesn’t require you to master stats, the story changes based on your choices, how you interact with the world and characters determines the options you will have, who likes or hates you, and how the story will play out. ___

Explicit - Yes or No?

You can choose to either read explicit sexual interactions or go for fade-to-black. ___

Romance

Three romantic interests are waiting to meet you, but you can play the whole story without romancing anyone, at the expense of sexual moments, additional plot-points centred around these characters, and potentially interesting background information.

No indicators are used, you have to find your own way, going by what you know about a character, evaluating the current situation, and acting accordingly.

Use the relationship stats to figure out what you did right or wrong, you have successfully entered a romantic route with a RO when the percentage reaches 50% and will deepen, or lessen, the relationship from then on.

There are no poly routes, entering one will lock you out of the others, and while you can’t lose a route once entered, how the couple ends up is based on your actions.

Keep in mind that “love” comes in many forms and players might find it worthwhile to forge bonds with other characters.

Profiles - Here

Father Andrew

Thirty-three years old, he was admitted to Hillset boarding school for troubled youths at the tender age of fourteen and hasn’t left the complex since. He’s very out of touch with the outside, basing his worldview, manners and morals on the old nuns and priests that raised him, often colliding with the new students’ modern ways. Friendly, polite and helpful, he’s easy to get along with on first glance but hard to truly get to know, which leaves him without friends and often rather lonely. __

Sister Lucia

Thirty-five years old, she’s one of the younger nuns but the strictness with which she loves doesn’t pale in comparison. She’s very fond of Father Andrew, who is her inspiration and has warped the image of how a priest should be until it became unrecognisable. Her hobbies are flower-arrangements, cooking things no one who loves their life should eat, taking care of the children in their school, and writing in her journal. __

Ẻ̶̛̬̲̀͋͑v̷̟̫̌̄͂ẻ̵͙̆̎͐l̸̨̙̠̻̜̐͌̓̂ͅͅy̵̡̲̼̔̑̾̀̀͐n̶̻̰̬͛͂͊̏̕͜͠

They might or might not be human. --

Moby

They definitely aren’t human, but God loves them anyway.

The love interests

Ryan Harris

Twenty-four years old and a student of Theology, he’s a graduate from the boarding school for troubled youths. While not overly intelligent, he’s diligent, curious, and not afraid of hardships. Father Andrew’s liturgy is his favourite part of the week and helping out something he takes pride in, as he does in his paintings that are full of creative flair and appreciated only by those with strong artistic sense. __

Connor Price

Thirty-one years old, he has been teaching English for eight years at a famous school and will do so from now on at Hillset - even if only because other schools refused to take him. He doesn’t like the enormous complex, dated appearance, long, dark halls, how everyone is just too nice, and Father Andrew, who somehow gives him the creeps. Connor spends his time reading, avoiding coworkers, and having long talks with the elderly in their care. __

?

You have to find that out on your own.

[cantcompetewhereudontcompare]

In the Louis/Liam Gallagher post, you mentioned writing a post on Louis being a homophobic bully

You then said this:

"Louis cheated on Hannah with Eleanor and at first Hannah didn't know, so she and Louis were on good terms, but she has been openly very negative about Louis ever since late 2011."

Do you remember Hannah's brother tweeted that Hannah had caught him cheating with a man? And before that, while Louis was on X factor someone tweeted that Louis had bullied another boy at the school for being gay. That, and your other comment below

"think he's still trying to market himself this way because deep down he still wants the acceptance of his high school buddies and other men like them"

seems to represent, in my opinion, someone who willingly mocks gay men, or those who don't fit into a particular role, because it's not deemed cool by his friends. I'm not trying to turn this into a "is he gay, is he straight" discussion but reading your post, breaking down his people pleaser personality in a way, has me thinking that if he was gay or bi, he wouldn't want to come out because it wouldn't be seen as "cool" by his friends, or fit in with his faux Liam Gallagher tough guy persona. I think the only reason he stayed close to his Doncaster friends is because they're the only friendships he had so he feels the need to impress them. He didn't seem to bond with or make long lasting friendships in his time in the band. Sure he had Zayn, Liam and so on, but there isn't a real genuine friendship between him and anyone outside the band from that time.... compared to someone like harry who was always networking

I think his sexuality is somewhat important in all of this Liam Gallagher wannabe character he's playing because it seems to mirror his behaviour in high school (bullying gay people to fit in with his friends and putting on an act, and now he's laying on this chav act very thick to replicate his friends' behaviours to fit in. Seems to be a pattern)

I understand this message might be crossing a line discussing sexuality, but I would be interested in your opinion on how he wishes to be perceived by his friends, and the bullying claims

I'm going to quote stuff you say to answer, because this is very long.

Do you remember Hannah's brother tweeted that Hannah had caught him cheating with a man?

This didn't happen. Louis cheated on Hannah with Eleanor, not with a man. How do I know this? Well, Alana Burton.

Harry started working at W. Mandeville, a bakery in Holmes Chapel, when he was fourteen years old. Alana also worked there, she's from a nearby town that I'm not gonna name out of respect for the fact that she's not a celebrity and is quite private (Larries have spread this, though). Alana is two years older than Harry, so after a while working together, she moved to Manchester to go to university. She met Eleanor Calder there and they became roommates.

Harry then got put in 1D, they came in third in the X Factor, and then they toured with the rest of the contestants of that season. These are some of the X Factor tour dates:

Harry invited Alana to go to one of their shows — we don't know which one (presumably one of the Manchester shows). Alana brought friends, Eleanor being one of them. This is why they've always said that Louis introduced Louis and Eleanor.

Larries interpreted Harry being uncomfortable about this as him being heartbroken or jealous... No, he was probably perfectly aware of the fact that Louis had cheated. Harry got along really well with Hannah.

Larries also lied and said that Harry didn't get on with Eleanor, but that's absolutely not true.

This is Harry and Eleanor hanging out a few years ago. And yes, that's Eleanor. This is the pub right next to Harry's house, which Eleanor is been known to frequent. You could also see her dad in the video.

Anyway, tangent over.

This is the story Alana herself tells to her friends. There was a Larrie here a while ago who openly talked about this because she allegedly met one of Alana's friends. She gave details that the fandom didn't have at the time, like the fact that it happened during the X Factor tour.

Why did she do this? Well, when confirmed that he was about to become a father, Larries created a disgusting blog with "receipts" where everyone would submit theirs. She tried to use this as a receipt against the validity of Louis and Eleanor (I don't remember what her logic at the time was) and it backfired. As far as I'm aware, the posts are deleted. I THINK this is the Larrie that spread the "receipt":

I can't find anything else about this on her blog, but I'm pretty sure it was her and she just deleted everything. This is one of the OG huge Larrie blogs talking about it years later:

I don't generally take what Larries say seriously, but the fact is that all of these things align with what members of the band have said, with Harry hanging out with Alana (even their families together, as per the pictures I posted above), and with things I detailed in a second.

I mean, Louis himself had already sort of said it to Seventen Magazine (July 2012):

He didn't tell the entire story because in March 2011, Louis was still VERY MUCH with Hannah. In fact, she posted this pic on Easter, a month later:

And they wouldn't break up until July. Hannah took a break from Twitter July 17. I can't post her tweets because her account has been deactivated for years but I can post fan reactions to her tweets:

This next screenshot I could find on Google. Read it bottom to top, it starts July 17 and ends July 24. But basically, after her Twitter break, on July 24, Hannah vaguely referenced that she and Louis had broken up but that they were on good terms, to which Louis agreed.

Obviously, at the time, Hannah had no idea that Louis had met Eleanor several months prior and had... let's call it "kept in touch." Stanley Lucas was one of Louis' best friends (Louis even bought Stan a car). This screenshot was taken in 2015, when Eleanor briefly reactivated her Facebook after she and Louis broke up. Stan had a private profile, but a fan had a friend in common with him and...

(Don't ask me for the source of the screenshot because it's completely lost to time. I just tend to save stuff. I actually found this buried in my Google photos account recently when I was cleaning up).

The timing is........ incredible. And to make matters worse, Eleanor's cousin, Emily, was a huge 1D fan since their X Factor days. She was kept in the dark about Eleanor and Louis knowing each other until after he and Hannah broke up and almost immediately:

I can't embed for some reason, but here's the link

He also followed her on Twitter and called her on the phone:

As far as she was aware, at this point, Louis and Eleanor were "just friends" and she wouldn't find out they were an item until it became public knowledge. Why? Because, well, she was a child, and she was a 1D fan, so she knew perfectly well that Louis had a girlfriend until LITERALLY two weeks prior to following her.

Larries took Emily's lack of knowledge of the situation as "proof" of it being all fake, instead of the fact that she was lied to and told 1% of the information. She was told that Louis and Eleanor had known each other for a while, but she didn't have the full context:

Sugarscape, a popular media outlet at the time that had a lot of interviews with 1D, said that someone spotted Louis with a brunette girl at V Festival (August 20/21 2011). I can't find the original article because Sugarscape has gone offline since then, but I can find an archived version of a second article where they reference it, a year later:

Eleanor confirmed it was her:

Sugarscape wrote this second article because Louis had given an interview where he said that he and Eleanor didn't know how long they'd been together:

Larries also used this as proof that their relationship was fake, but... he couldn't say how long they'd been together BECAUSE THEY CHEATED. Not because he "didn't know" or because "he didn't care" or any other Larrie-backward-ass-logic. He did know, but if he admitted it, he was basically spelling out that he had cheated on his ex for months.

Notice how Sugarscape corrects Louis, who said they'd been together for 6-8 months. They're like "no, actually, it's at least 11." And, no, actually, it's MORE.

So, when you say that Hannah's brother said Louis cheated with a man.... no girl. He cheated with Eleanor. At first, Hannah didn't know, but she probably did realize it eventually, and that's why her brother was upset. This is what he said (a year+ after the breakup, and a month after the Sugarscape article I linked):

He used a gay slur, and that's why Larries say that George accused Louis of cheating with a man, but that's... not true. You can see from his profile picture that he was a literal child. He most likely just used that slur because it was the worst word he could think of and had no idea what the implications were. Louis had been with Eleanor, very openly, for a year. They were first spotted together in September 2011. Eleanor then confirmed that they were together IN AUGUST.

You think that Louis not only had a parallel relationship with a man, but also that his ex girlfriend's little brother (I think he was literally, like, 12), knew about it and tweeted about it openly?

And the proof of this is one word that can be very easily explained with logic? As opposed the mountains of proof of the opposite? Not that OG Larry blog believed George was alluding to Louis cheating with a man, and she was so delusional, she believed that Hannah was "a friend who was doing Louis a favor."

And before that, while Louis was on X factor someone tweeted that Louis had bullied another boy at the school for being gay.

"Someone" didn't tweet this. Three separate people did, over the course of eight years, including the gay boy himself. One day I'll make a post about it.

That, and your other comment below "think he's still trying to market himself this way because deep down he still wants the acceptance of his high school buddies and other men like them" seems to represent, in my opinion, someone who willingly mocks gay men, or those who don't fit into a particular role, because it's not deemed cool by his friends.

Or because he's an asshole? Just saying.

I'm not trying to turn this into a "is he gay, is he straight" discussion

You absolutely are, babe. Own up to it. Louis has said he's straight, and there's literally no reason whatsoever to believe he's lying or that has changed.

but reading your post, breaking down his people pleaser personality in a way, has me thinking that if he was gay or bi, he wouldn't want to come out because it wouldn't be seen as "cool" by his friends, or fit in with his faux Liam Gallagher tough guy persona.

I know it's painful to accept the fact that an artist you like is an asshole, but you're doing too much. He's straight. He didn't cheat with a man — a child simply called him the f slur because he thought it was a good insult. He cheated with a woman, has consistently dated women, he got a woman pregnant. He used to pile girls into vans while leaving clubs wasted and high off his face. He's straight and he's an asshole. He's not secretly gay and trying to fit in.

What you're doing is called self-soothing.

I think the only reason he stayed close to his Doncaster friends is because they're the only friendships he had so he feels the need to impress them. He didn't seem to bond with or make long lasting friendships in his time in the band. Sure he had Zayn, Liam and so on, but there isn't a real genuine friendship between him and anyone outside the band from that time.... compared to someone like harry who was always networking

I can actually agree with this, in terms of him feeling the need to impress his friends. But this doesn't justify his treatment of that boy or make it any less embarrassing. He's a grown man. Can I empathize? Sure. Can I also say that he should work on it? Absolutely.

I think his sexuality is somewhat important in all of this Liam Gallagher wannabe character he's playing because it seems to mirror his behaviour in high school (bullying gay people to fit in with his friends and putting on an act, and now he's laying on this chav act very thick to replicate his friends' behaviours to fit in. Seems to be a pattern)

He's straight. There's absolutely no reason whatsoever to think he's not straight. He's 100% straight. He bullied gay people because he's a dick. And it's not the only homophobic thing he has done. He literally kicked rainbow flags off the stage for no fucking reason in the middle of concerts, and his friends were nowhere near when this was happening:

This is a gay 1D fan who tweeted about it one of the multiple times it happened:

As I said, one day I'll make a post... this is just one of the many many things he's done.

I understand this message might be crossing a line discussing sexuality, but I would be interested in your opinion on how he wishes to be perceived by his friends, and the bullying claims

It's not crossing a line. You're fine. It's just that you're not well-informed, which I'll chalk up to the fact that disinformation runs rampant in this fandom. It's why I made this blog lmao. I can't blame someone who (I'm assuming) comes in later and sees all the random things people took out of context. But... yeah. Louis is not a poor self-hating gay. He's just a dick.

[watcher-with-burned-wings]

Captain’s Call

(A Pirates Smp au where Scott secretly siren hybrid but Sausage catches him. Inspired by Scott’s stream)

Scott thrashed and hissed as the damned net wrapped tightly around his body. He didn’t know what what happening until it was too late. A ship had snuck up on as he was hunting near the Faction Isles. A harpoon net was shot and engulfed him before he had time to react.

He felt himself being hoisted toward the surface as he clawed uselessly at the net, the rope too damn thick to cut through. Panic seized Scott’s chest as he was pulled out of the water and hulled over the edge to the deck of the ship. A Kestrel flag catches Scott’s eye through the net as the crew gathered around him. He hisses and snapped at the crew as they tried to touch his royal blue and golden scales, his ear fins pressed against his head, knowing he had to escape before his tail returned to his human legs.

Scott’s mouth when dry as the crew parted to reveal Captain Sausage, a large gleaming smile on his face. Sausage knelt down to the net and grabbed his chin through the net, jerking his head left and right.

“Well aren’t you the most beautiful siren I have ever seen!” Sausage giggled. “Just a perfect treasure to add to my collection!”

Scott’s cheeks flushed against his will, even if the words made a shiver crawl up his spine. Sausage was a handsome devil but everyone knew how possessive he was of his treasures. Don’t get Scott wrong, he would loved to be worshiped by Sausage but not like this.

Taking a deep breath, Scott opened his mouth to sing his song but was rudely cut off by Sausage picking him from the net and shoving a rope in between his jaws. He clicks and hisses around the rope in displeasure, struggling in his hold.

“Ah ah ah! No singing allowed! As much as I would like to hear your lovely voice, I would rather not drown today, thank you very much!” Sausage explained as he bridal carried Scott to his captain quarters, a tight grip on him preventing him from escaping.

Scott freaked out as he was placed on the bed, moving quickly, he tried to lunge at Sausage but was quickly subdued again. This time a metal collar around his neck, preventing him from moving from the bed. Sausage once finished, took a step back. His eyes scanned over Scott’s form, a smirk playing on his lips.

“You know, you remind me of a certain Heron captian.”

Scott’s blood turned to icy as he looked at Sausage with wide terrified eyes. No, Scott thought. He couldn’t possibly know. He was so careful! How the heck could he know! Scott’s breathing picked up a little fast once he felt a tingle go down his spine.

Oh no.

He was changing back. Sausage’s eyes seemed to gleam with excitement as his tail glowed, slowly parting into humans legs. His webbed claws turning to normal. His teeth shrinking down to barely noticeable fangs instead of his needle-like teeth. His ear fins shrink but still are fins, just less noticeable now. Thankfully his legs were clothed with pants.

Once his transformation was complete, Sausage strolled over and cupped Scott’s cheek, making him look him in the eyes.

“Well looks like I catch myself a real treasure.” Sausage purred as thumbed Scott’s cheek bone. “I wasn’t expecting to add a Heron to my collection but I can always make an exception for someone as special as you, Scott.”

Gay panic filled Scott as he blushed, frozen under the touch. Sausage continued.

“I mean, look at you. You’re just begging to be claimed as my treasure.” A possessive edge leaked into his voice. “So I’m gonna claim you here and now. Then you will be all mine and no one else can have you. Let’s hear you sing my name.” Sausage climbed next to Scott.

Scott gulped, having a feeling he was in for a long night.

~~~~~~~~~

Scott grumbled as he limped through the town of the Faction Isles, shirt missing, showing a mass of marks on his chest and neck. Sausage following behind him with a cheeky expression on his face, clearly proud of his work. If anyone questioned the two, Scott would glare at Sausage and the other would just giggle, saying nothing.

[gottagobackintime]

I find it fascinating to witness the straight audience of any media not being able to pick up what the makers of the movie/show puts down.

It’s like when people reacted to the “You wear fine things well” scene in Our Flag Means Death with “aw, they’re such good friends” whereas the queer audience went “omg, this is happening”. We all had access to the same scene, we’d all watched the build up to that scene but the straight audience wrongly read it as friends/straight whereas the queer audience had suspected they were building up to a romance but this was the confirmation. Even the creator of the show was baffled that people were surprised that Ed and Stede fell in love. Because he thought they had made it obvious.

And as I said, we, the queer audience picked up on it. And I feel like the same thing is happening with Ted Lasso. Do I know that Ted and Trent will get together? No, I am unfortunately not a writer on Ted Lasso. But you can’t deny that there are clues pointing to it. But the straight audience barely pick up the fact that Ted and Trent like each other, be that in a platonic way or romantic way. I’ve seen several reactions to the last episode of season 2 and ONE of them included the scene where Ted reacts to Trent not being in the press room. All of them severely cut down the scene in the parking lot. One of the scenes most of us Ted/Trent truthers point to as a huge piece of evidence for it going canon. The parallel of them meeting in an empty parking lot, just like Ted and his ex-wife and Roy and Keeley. But because Ted and Trent are both men it couldn’t possibly mean anything. And Ted has an ex-wife and a kid so he can’t possibly be into men, as if there is no such thing as being bisexual. “But I’m pretty sure Trent has a family, he has a kid right?” So? He could be divorced, we also have no idea if his daughter has another dad or a mum. And the same thing applies to him, it doesn’t mean he can’t be into men (take also into account all of James Lance’s interviews, and his choice of shirt in one of them, friend of Dorothy anyone? He's the captain of this ship, we're just along for the ride tbh.)

Then we have the wonderful “I’m so not homophobic, in fact, you are homophobic because you think Ted is gay just because he likes musicals and has ‘feminine’ traits” um no… it’s the fact that he kind of acts in a way that an ally wouldn't. Yeah, he called himself an ally in that one episode. But every single person who is now out as queer who at one point considered themselves an ally because "I’m not one of them but I sure think they're neat" raise a hand 🖐️ (been there, done that. Was very into queer things before I realised I myself am one of them). What it always comes down to is "it's pandering", "it's tokenism" (having the main character on the show be queer wouldn't be fucking tokenism), "not everything has to be gay", "why can't men just be friends, there is a severe lack of male friendships on tv". And like the last one makes me go??? There are a MILLION friendships between men on TV. There are even multiple friendships between men in Ted Lasso. Beard and Ted, Ted and Higgins, Ted and Roy, the himbos and so on. Having Ted and Trent become a couple wouldn't really change anything because there are still friendships between men. They also claim that Ted is needed as the "straight without toxic masculinity" representation. As if Beard isn't right there. The man who has no problem going to an immersive show about the menstrual cycle. Has no problem with shrieking when he's surprised and so on.

I also like that if we'd get Ted and Trent together, we'd get two middle aged queer dads. Which isn't that common. It's not even super common to see people realising they're queer late in life on TV, and yet it happens every day. Because let's face it, most queer men on TV kind of look like Colin, and I don't mean that as a bad thing. And I'm looking forward to his storyline. But it's also nice seeing middle aged or old people finding themselves and being allowed to be who they are (see Ed and Stede from OFMD). Also would enjoy seeing people lose their minds when they realise they've been fooled this entire time. It'll be like Black Sails all over again.

I do not have any doubts about the fact that, had Trent or Ted been a woman and they saw Trent give up his career because of Ted's influence, they sure as hell wouldn't protest people thinking they'd become a couple. But because it's two men it's just delusional for some reason (homophobia).

What I'm saying is, it's clear that the straight audience has a hard time picking up subtext and clues that the makers are planting. Because they've never had to do that. Because they are always clearly represented. They don't have to look for minor side characters and hope that they might be queer. Because the main character is straight and most of the supporting cast too. When you've grown up with a lack of representation or with representation that is meant to be subtext, you'll learn to pick up on it. And you do look at media differently. I just wish that the straight audience could listen to us for once, without getting defensive and dancing around the fact that they are uncomfortable relating to a character that turned out to be queer.

[irreplaceable-ecstasyy]

friends in the dark

REQUEST: Hiya!! I saw you were looking for brienne prompts?if you're still open I'd love to see something where breinne for some reason has to go to a bar or brothel and the reader works there and is flirting with her and gives brienne gay panic!

Wordcount: 3719 words

[Instead of steamy, this whole thing turned into fluff. I couldn't help it. ;-; Brienne deserves so much love. I was writing it in a way that showed that her trust might've been affected after Jaime left her so yeahh. Reader is just delicate with her :) ]

"Tonight is going to be a night of fun and free of responsibility!"

Having convinced the Small Council, Lord Bronn shepherded the little group into what appeared to be a regular building not too far from the castle. Had they not known King's Landing so well, they still would have guessed where the Master of Coin was leading them all for his nature was incredibly predictable. Lord Tyrion had no objections nor did Lord Davos who only wanted to escape the confinement of the castle. Podrick, somehow, got the chance to tag along as well. Grand maester Samwell had gone home without entertaining the thought and Ser Brienne wished she could have done the same.

Against her own will, she had been brought to a place of the night's entertainment and the sight of the scene before her was enough to make her skin crawl. Women and men alike strode past her with barely a shred of clothing on them. Even those lounging seemed perfectly comfortable in the absence of garments. It made her feel entirely overdressed in her uniform. Never had she imagined visiting a brothel, and now that she was here, she felt entirely exposed despite being the one in a fair amount of layers.

Lord Davos and Podrick had disappeared to fetch themselves a drink, much to her dismay. Left with Tyrion and Bronn, she could feel their cheeky little grins burning into the back of her skull. She refused to look at them to feed their amusement, but Bronn was already having a good laugh at her usual scowl.

"Enjoy, won't you?" he jested as he slung an arm over Brienne's shoulders. "I'm sure there'll be someone for you here. If you want one that looks like Jaime, I can get him. But if you fancy experimenting a little, you're at the right place."

Tyrion grimaced at the remark about his late brother and swatted at Bronn's side. "Be nice, Bronn. She won't go easy on you."

"While I appreciate your hospitality, I will be fine," Brienne muttered as she flicked the arm off her shoulders.

"Suit yourself. At least get yourself a drink. Wind down a bit," Bronn offered as he tossed her a coin. "First one's on me." With that, Bronn trotted off.

Tyrion rolled his eyes but offered Brienne a comforting smile. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. We just thought it would be nice for you to come out once in a while."

"I'll go get a drink. That's it."

"Be my guest. Don't feel like you have to stay either, okay? We know you can take care of yourself." Tyrion patted Brienne's arm then, with a hum, followed after Bronn through an archway to another room.

Left alone to her own devices, it was the perfect opportunity to leave. She had no desire or obligation to stay, unless Bronn caught her in the act, but she did not answer to him. The buzz of the brothel was livelier than she had seen in a while but it brought her some peace seeing that the people were happy. To some extent. It was nice basking in other people's thrills but she wanted no part in it. She turned on her heel and made her way to the door in a hurried stride, head bowed low to watch her steps than the scene around her.

"Leaving so soon?"

You saw her first when the Small Council came tottering in. They were not exactly the most subtle of people for everyone knew their faces but the one that stood out to you was the woman among them. The Lord Commander herself. It was astounding to you how a woman had managed to claim a seat among the council. A change in the system. A revelation.

She stopped in her stride to acknowledge you. You saw how her shoulders tensed up but after a quick look at you, she dropped them, releasing a slow breath. You were the only other person dressed in modest clothes. Something to look at rather than something to touch; a display. But Brienne did not know any better.

Shaking her head, Brienne stepped away from you. "I'm sorry but I'm not interested."

"But of course. Though, I'm sure a conversation wouldn't hurt."

"Wouldn't I be distracting you from your work?"

"The others are a bore," you scoffed. "I would much rather be in your company." You spoke with an air of fascination, the kind of glow you would not see in a worker who only desired to serve.

Brienne was uncertain but she was no fool. Years of experience taught her how to listen to the tells in people's voices when they were lying. She knew mockery like no other, in the face of it or concealed behind sweet nothings. It was too early to assume your intentions and there was nothing too strange just yet.

"Won't you consider... Podrick?" Brienne recommended. "Unless you've already had a go with him."

You threw your head back in laughter. "I've heard all about him. He's quite popular with the ladies, but no."

The laughter surprised her. Most well-groomed ladies would laugh into the back of her hand or let out a timed giggle. The way you had let the sound express itself in your physicality said more than enough about your character. You had nothing to hide.

She turned away from the door to face you properly once more. "Well, alright. I won't guarantee that I'm any fun to speak to."

"And yet I'm still here. You're not trying to chase me away, are you?" you teased.

"Oh, I don't mean to be rude."

"I was just joking! Come." You extended a hand to her. "Let us get some wine. Or do you prefer ale?"

"Ale will do just fine." She took your hand almost awkwardly but you were far too busy basking in your own delight.

"Because you are my guest, it's on the house~"

You sat her down on a plush couch, away from the other occupied ones where you could get your own privacy. Just before you joined her on the couch, you got someone to fetch the ale. While you draped yourself over the cushions, Brienne sat upright, hands planted firmly on her knees. What a sight she was. No other patron had ever swooned you the way she did and it was if you had forgotten how to breathe.

It took you a moment to recollect yourself from your rude staring, but Brienne had seen just how taken you were. It did nothing to ease her discomfort being in such a place but the somewhat civil exchange between the both of you was not at all unpleasant. She scooted a little closer to you.

"Forgive me for my silence. I did warn you that I'm not very interesting to speak with," she murmured under her breath. "I'm not sure what to do either."

"Speak whatever you wish. We can talk as regular folk do," you told her with a smile.

"But is there not a way for me to speak to you? As in- Well..." she fumbled with her words.

"I promise you, there is no catch. I speak to you as... An acquaintance. Consider me a friend." You rested a hand on her arm; something less intimate than resting it on her hand. "Don't think about my job. I'm not here for the sake of pleasure. I want to talk to you."

She could find no trick in your words. Even her suspicions were beginning to fade away of the possible fool you wanted to make out of her. You radiated comfort and it was all she wanted for the night while the rest of her companions were off in search of their own satisfaction. This was enough. When the ale came, she grabbed the mug and took a swig of it, a sigh following the large mouthful she had had. Swallow every other little insecurity that was nagging her at the back of her head, shut away the rest of the world and focus on who was in front of her, allow herself this bit of company without feeling guilty.

She had to admit, you were quite a beautiful person. She was as taken by you as you were of her but she did the better job of hiding it. The giveaway was the shine in her eyes when they found yours and they never seemed to break away from their gaze. She saw the ways your eyes smiled with the stretch of your lips, a pure glimmer in your own two irises. As you two sipped your ales, you would fill the silence with your giggling while Brienne stared.

If your beauty had not been the one to capture the Lord Commander, it might have been your tenderness. Anyone with a good heart could sway the knight, and receiving such treatment from someone who was beyond her league (or so she believed) was otherworldly.

Clearing her throat, she took another sip of ale and managed a small smile. "We could start by introducing ourselves..."

"I know who you are, Lord Commander," you purred as you inched closer to her.

"But I don't know who you are. It isn't very fair," she protested.

"You're right. It's only proper. But why should I give you my name if we will only meet tonight?" you asked, brows raised.

"I always remember a face and a name to it. I wish to remember the person who kept me company tonight while the rest of my companions left me on my own," she told you after a sip.

"What an honor! But it's no fun giving you the answers directly~"

"I'm not one for games."

"Will you wait then?"

"What for?"

"To see if I deserve to be remembered. We've only just started. We can deal with names later."

Without much of a thought, Brienne shrugged. "Sure. I will say this, my opinion will not change. I will get your name."

"I'm sure you will~"

"And what is that supposed to mean?" she challenged.

You leaned in close to her, smirking lips hovering mere inches away from hers. "Was that a challenge, my dear~?"

A sound alike a squeak rose from her throat but she remained where she was. Persistent. "Two can play this game." She inched away a little, unable to take the heat of the tension but the heat was coming from the red in her cheeks.

"I'm not one to back away from a challenge," you warned her with a grin.

"Good"- She was backed up into the side of the couch, your frame still looming over hers. How had you come so close? "I like a good challenger."

"Don't blame me when you're stuck with me for hours."

"I don't tire easily."

Oh, how it made you shiver.

But in the end, you two soon forgot the concept of time. Hours slipped from your fingertips, breezing away as you whisked Brienne away into deep conversation. During the late hours, more patrons came in but you two were too occupied to bother with the world around you. Whenever you could not hear one another, either of you would move a little closer and at this point, your knees were already touching. You thought you were imagining things but you could see Brienne's cheeks flushing red every time you listened to her speak. The most obvious reason would be the ale but she had stopped bringing the mug to her lips just a few hours ago. Being the weakest drink, there was no chance that the knight was already tipsy. The other reason was delusional. The adoration in her eyes. It was similar to what you have seen before from your patrons under the influence of alcohol and lust.

Those hungry wide eyed men. This adoration was gentler and Brienne was watching you as if you were a gem. When she knew you were listening and acknowledging her every word, she would look down at her lap before meeting your eyes again to continue her story. An easy tell, but you found it adorable. From the night alone, you learnt a number about Brienne, mostly of her soldier days while she learnt about your interests outside of your work. The burning question had been the path that led you to this place but you promised that it was a story for another time which she took willingly.

You shared a good laugh, shared tales you had never told your peers and best of all, you earned the trust of the Lord Commander. It was far too surreal.

However, all good things came to an end but in this case, there were other times to continue. Tyrion and the others stumbled in Brienne's direction to pick her up as the night aged, bugging her to hurry up but she barely budged. With courage, you took her hands from her knees and gave them a squeeze.

"Visit me soon, will you?"

"Not here," Brienne whispered. "Perhaps some place else."

"I'll be waiting~"

As she got up, her hands did not leave yours until they slipped out of your grasp but she did not leave just yet. She stopped the group for a brief second to ask you one important question.

"So, whose company did I have the pleasure of having?"

Smiling, you bowed playfully. "[Y/N], at your service."

For the first time, Brienne gave you a full smile. "It was an honor to have your company, [Y/N]."

"And yours too, Lord Commander."

You saw her off at the door with her companions and waved them goodbye. What a strangely wonderful day it was. Meeting the Lord Commander and the rest of the Small Council. There was truly nothing that could top this day. Once they were out of sight, you retreated to your quarters, more ecstatic than ever before.

Brienne kept her composure until she arrived back at the castle. She was grateful for the candlelit hallways as they did not reveal secrets as much as the Sun did. In plain sight, she did not have to hide the reddening in her cheeks or bother if anyone saw her clutching her chest, over her rapidly beating heart. She looked more disturbed that stricken in the dark. She had always been known to dwell in moments she should leave behind but it was the moment that clung on to her that she could not shake off.

Thank the Gods that Tyrion and the others had disappeared somewhere at the courtyard. She could not bear to tolerate their humiliation as the events of the night played through her head.

The touch of your hand on hers when she had reached out to grab the jug to refill your drinks, the genuine kindness you had given to her and not a single lie in your sweet words. The suggestiveness in the phrases you would slip her by; she caught each one of them. In all disregard to masculinity and femininity, on a rare occasion such as this, she felt like a person.

She knew she would never get another chance at feeling so alive again, but now she knew a name to the face she would seek for in the city. Perhaps next time she would dare to do more and take the step forward. Maybe she would be the one to make the first move. Gods, what was she to do? So helplessly attached already to anyone who cared to give her a chance.

She needed it all again, even if you were just a friend in the dark. She had to have you.

TEENIE BONUS:

Weeks went by but the Lord Commander was not a distant memory. Some part of you hoped to see her one day but you knew that the chances were slim. After getting to know her from that one night, it was obvious that she was not the sort of woman one would find lingering in a place like this. You often saw the King's Hand as well as a few others in the Small Council. They would approach you occasionally to tease you about having the honor of the Lord Commander's company but other than that, there came no regards from the lady.

That was until you received news of a letter waiting for you in your shared quarters. The other girls were herded at your bed, sat around the envelope where it rested on your pillow. Letters from secret and not-so-subtle admirers were not uncommon but there had never been excitement in the room like this. Most letters would be thrown away but you soon came to understand why the girls were eager to see who it was from.

A wax seal.

Only a noble would use anything so grand to seal a slip of paper. It was bold too for a noble to be in contact with such a lowly person, and to make it clear it had been from them. At least it kept the letter out of the bin or away from prying eyes.

Upon studying the seal, there was a sigil you did not recognize. A smaller house of moons and suns. A smart move. With a sigil or not, the girls' patience ran thin and they beckoned you to open the letter. You felt like one of those pretty young girls in frilly dresses at a fancy sleepover, huddled up with your friends in a nice plush bed to open a letter from your secret admirer. This may be the only time you ever felt so childish and giddy. Without a moment to spare, you popped the seal open carefully to avoid damaging the paper and unfolded the letter.

The girls began to cry out, a flurry of questions hurtling at you as you struggled to read what was written. Reading alone was a tricky task and the commotion was no help at all. It was a short letter, thankfully, and a clear observation that you had made was that this was no ordinary letter. It was an invitation.

"What does it say?!" you heard.

"Who's it from??"

"Do you know them?!"

You shook your head as you read it out to them. "It's uh- It's an invitation to the Summer's Ball. And it's addressed to me." You pointed to what had been an empty space where your name was written. "There is an address to a dressmaker and a set time to go there."

"That's tomorrow!" a girl in the far back squealed.

"You must go!" another of the girls cried out. "This is an opportunity you can't miss!"

"But I haven't got much money to pay for a nice dress," you muttered as you tossed the invite into your drawer.

"Maybe the person who sent you this will meet you at the dressmaker? Your partner-to-be for the ball," another girl swooned.

"I could always stop by and see what happens."

"Yes! Then, you'll come to us and tell us all about it."

"Now, don't get jealous when I've gone to the ball with many stories to tell." You flopped onto your back and waved the girls off, sending them scurrying back to their beds now that the whole ordeal was over.

"Well, it depends on who this secret person is~" you heard someone hum.

"I'm sure it'll be someone absolutely fucking gorgeous," you mused.

"In your dreams you will!" The girls all scoffed and laughed as they settled into their beds.

They continued to shriek and giggle through the night like children while you found yourself sleeping with surprising ease. It was a dreamless sleep, one of the most peaceful rests you have had in a long while. It was possible that it had something to do with the secret sender of this invitation for only one person came to mind. Or rather, a few. The Hand of the King, who you were already acquainted with, would be considerate enough to invite you as a friend to see a certain someone again, and Ser Bronn, on the other hand, would invite you to jab at the Lord Commander. The Lord Commander herself sending the invitation was more of wishful thinking.

You had not heard a word from her but you remembered her words. Not here. Perhaps some place else. Was this it? Away from this hellhole and in the castle? It was far too much like a fairytale to believe in, but you wanted to see where this would take it.

You were ready to be faced with a brutal trick as soon as you left to find the dressmaker's shop. After all, no one in their right mind would bring a whore to a ball. You still dressed up for appearances were a selling trade to lure people into the brothel, but you could not help but feel uncomfortable in the clothes you worse so often.

What made your skin crawl even more under the summer sun was the sight of the dressmaker's shop. You were ready for humiliation, for the girls to be there to laugh at you for falling for something so stupid. For being so naïve.

As you trudged towards the shop, a person by the window caught your eye. You stopped in your stride to stare just for a moment to see if you were simply daydreaming, but for once, your eyes were not deceiving you. Speaking to the dressmaker was the Lord Commander herself. Free of her armor, she donned a lovely blue with a sigil sewn to her top. A sigil of moons and suns. The same one on the letter. You felt your heart skip a beat when she noticed you from where you stood, a smile gracing her lips. Before you could walk any further, she was already out the door, coming to meet you.

"I didn't think we'd meet again," you said with a laugh.

She bowed her head in greeting, her smile growing in the slightest. "I said we would meet some place else. And here we are." In the daylight, Brienne was drinking in the sight of you, your true self outside the silks and false glamor. "It's um... It's good to see you again."