#this show is for the gays claiming it now to late

[lukolathoughts]

Miss Nicola - supporting LGBTQI rights

Dearest gentle reader,

I have been itching to write a blog post now for a few weeks, but not really knowing where to begin. There have been frenzied weeks and days of activity, but then silence and the fandom meanders like a lost boat at sea. We are often rudderless without the reassuring presence of our ship captains - Luke and Nicola. This also tends to get the sub fandoms spouting nonsense claiming to have seen Nicola in Birmingham or some ridiculous crap. I didn't want to bother her by asking for a photo! No photo, no proof my friend.

I'll talk about me for a moment. I had a week from hell last week. There was something so upsetting for me to deal with, I couldn't go into work as I was crying that much. Try to explain this to your manager: that nasty comments on YouTube made you late for work. Luckily, she is an understanding person and I have told her about my YT channel. Saying some things out loud to real life people make me sound barking mad. But it is the price you pay for being public on YouTube. It also makes me an easy target. I am used to online trolls and people who hate me for saying that Jake is gay and believing in Lukola, but when the stab in the back comes from a supposed friend, it really is the ten of swords. My phone blew up that much, I opened my eyes that morning genuinely thinking Lukola had launched. My hope turned to ash, when I saw what was really happening. I share this with you all because, I have had to have a reckoning with myself the last week. My online life and my real life are not the same. My real life is way more important and I actually need my job, so messing it up because I've got people I don't really know online saying mean things about me, that are not true, shouldn't matter. But it still hurts. But I also realise, they are trying to stop me sharing and trying to ruin my credibility and reputation in order to send me off into my discord crying never to return again.

Well think again. No one tells a Sagittarius woman what they can and can't do. I am made of stronger stuff. Love will always conquer hate. No one puts Baby in the corner, and I will not stand for it. I have scaled back most of my online life now. It had helped me cope with the last year and losing my friend, but sometimes you have to go back into reality. I'm never leaving the ship though. You'll have to chuck me overboard and I'll still jump back on like Rose from Titanic. "I couldn't go, Jack! You jump, I jump, right?"

Anyway, enough about me. Let's talk about Nic. I love Nicola by the way and nothing I say here is a criticism of her or her choices. I see what you're doing though, miss Nicola. I said in my last blog that the shit would hit the fan when Jake has to start press for his new upcoming BBC3 drama What it feels like for a girl. I will admit I have not read the book. Regardless of who Jake is playing, it is reportedly an all queer cast, a queer director and at least one queer writer that I know of. Why would the director of an all queer cast hire a straight man in a homosexual role? If this show is as big as It's a Sin, that aired on Channel 4 a few years ago, then there will be press and a lot of it. There will be press from queer magazines also. Jake is currently in an awkward position, because some press believe he is in a romantic relationship with Nicola Coughlan, a woman who is also 14 years his senior. So, what will Nicola and Jake do?

Jake is holding onto his cash cow with both hands and Nicola needs Jake to continue to pose as her boyfriend to stop the media digging. But honey, they know. It was clear all the press at the SAG awards knew exactly what was going on and they were not afraid to say it. The 'happy ending' comment levelled at them directly by a reporter, had Nicola stunned and Luke smiling like all his Christmases' had come at once.

Nicola knows what is going on. She knows there is a deadline and she knows if she doesn't extricate herself from the narrative she is dating a gay man, she is screwed basically. What is she doing? She's getting out her, I love gays!! T-shirt, hats, scarfs, sunglasses, whatever. She is doing it. Look at me, I love queers! I love her for this and I already know she is an advocate for LGBTQI rights. She has a ton of gay friends. The fandom knows this of course, but do the general public?

At the Neutrogena event on 27th March 2025, there was a very tall drag queen doing some MCing. We know Nic loves drag queens and has been to many shows, so this is nothing new to us. I'm not being overly cynical that the drag queen might have been there for a reason, right? Neutrogena is a product that is targeted at women mostly for their skin products. What has that got to do with a drag queen? I just found it odd.

Next up we have Nicola's Pink Pony Club Post that she shared to both her Instagram stories and grid last Thursday 10th April. The song by Chappell Roan is synonymous with the gay community and one that Jake danced to at her concert last year in a pink cowboy hat. "You guys, remember when my old flat was a gay hotspot!" Nicola, posts 4 polaroid's of her looking fabulous in pink and lays them on a pink blanket. What made you feel so nostalgic, Nic? Or are you sending a message? Look at me, I have loved my gay besties for donkey's years. Prominent gay friends such as JVN and Jack Rooke commented all in agreement, that indeed, Nic's flat was the place to be. And, no I do not think Nicola is coming out herself as gay. Get real, she is supporting her friends and peers.

Then there was yesterday's selfie of Nicola wearing her black - 'I just wanted to say if you are trans and reading this, I love you and so do all my mates' T-shirt. There a few other details in that post that other bloggers such as @toriaaniin have covered beautifully, so I won't go into it here. My eyes sprung wide when I saw this post. I know she advocates for the charity Notaphase.org and I commend her for doing this, but two queer posts in a few days seems to be a lot for Nic, when lately she hasn't been posting at all.

There is also the male hairdresser Halley Brisker in her Opalex video on her Instagram, They make a big deal of letting us know he flirts with male makeup artists. Nicola is clearly good friends with Halley and it is an endearing watch. But to me this seems like a lot of overkill in the last few days for the general public to look at her Instagram and instantly know, yes Nicola does love the girls, the gays and Luke Newton. (FYI Halley Brisker is married to a woman and has children, but to the general public this conversation is implying Nic is comfortable with these conversations).

This, in my opinion, is setting the stage for the final act. I can see Nicola doing some sort of article or interview where she clears a certain narrative up. If you notice, Douglas has also been quite forceful again in implying certain things about Jake and Jake himself does not stop others from posting suggestive posts and videos of him. Nicola must remove herself from this mess in order to move forward with her own career and life. Hanging onto old connections are no longer serving her personally and professionally. Her engagement on Instagram is down by a lot, so I'm told and she is losing followers. She has done all she can career-wise for Jake now, he has to make his own way.

If this does not happen and we remain in this weird heteronormative bubble, I fear the press for What it feels like for a girl, will be a shit show. The truth will come out eventually and it will drag both Jake and Nicola down with it.

[cuddlytogas]

So I accidentally almost got into an argument on Twitter, and now I'm thinking about bad historical costuming tropes. Specifically, Action Hero Leather Pants.

See, I was light-heartedly pointing out the inaccuracies of the costumes in Black Sails, and someone came out of the woodwork to defend the show. The misunderstanding was that they thought I was dismissing the show just for its costumes, which I wasn't - I was simply pointing out that it can't entirely care about material history (meaning specifically physical objects/culture) if it treats its clothes like that.

But this person was slightly offended on behalf of their show - especially, quote, "And from a fan of OFMD, no less!" Which got me thinking - it's true! I can abide a lot more historical costuming inaccuracy from Our Flag than I can Black Sails or Vikings. And I don't think it's just because one has my blorbos in it. But really, when it comes down to it...

What is the difference between this and this?

Here's the thing. Leather pants in period dramas isn't new. You've got your Vikings, Tudors, Outlander, Pirates of the Caribbean, Once Upon a Time, Will, The Musketeers, even Shakespeare in Love - they love to shove people in leather and call it a day. But where does this come from?

Obviously we have the modern connotations. Modern leather clothes developed in a few subcultures: cowboys drew on Native American clothing. (Allegedly. This is a little beyond my purview, I haven't seen any solid evidence, and it sounds like the kind of fact that people repeat a lot but is based on an assumption. I wouldn't know, though.) Leather was used in some WWI and II uniforms.

But the big boom came in the mid-C20th in motorcycle, punk/goth, and gay subcultures, all intertwined with each other and the above. Motorcyclists wear leather as practical protective gear, and it gets picked up by rock and punk artists as a symbol of counterculture, and transferred to movie designs. It gets wrapped up in gay and kink communities, with even more countercultural and taboo meanings. By the late C20th, leather has entered mainstream fashion, but it still carries those references to goths, punks, BDSM, and motorbike gangs, to James Dean, Marlon Brando, and Mick Jagger. This is whence we get our Spikes and Dave Listers in 1980s/90s media, bad boys and working-class punks.

And some of the above "historical" design choices clearly build on these meanings. William Shakespeare is dressed in a black leather doublet to evoke the swaggering bad boy artist heartthrob, probably down on his luck. So is Kit Marlowe.

But the associations get a little fuzzier after that. Hook, with his eyeliner and jewellery, sure. King Henry, yeah, I see it. It's hideously ahistorical, but sure. But what about Jamie and Will and Ragnar, in their browns and shabby, battle-ready chic? Well, here we get the other strain of Bad Period Drama Leather.

See, designers like to point to history, but it's just not true. Leather armour, especially in the western/European world, is very, very rare, and not just because it decays faster than metal. (Yes, even in ancient Greece/Rome, despite many articles claiming that as the start of the leather armour trend!) It simply wasn't used a lot, because it's frankly useless at defending the body compared to metal. Leather was used as a backing for some splint armour pieces, and for belts, sheathes, and buckles, but it simply wasn't worn like the costumes above. It's heavy, uncomfortable, and hard to repair - it's simply not practical for a garment when you have perfectly comfortable, insulating, and widely available linen, wool, and cotton!

As far as I can see, the real influence on leather in period dramas is fantasy. Fantasy media has proliferated the idea of leather armour as the lightweight choice for rangers, elves, and rogues, a natural, quiet, flexible material, less flashy or restrictive than metal. And it is cheaper for a costume department to make, and easier for an actor to wear on set. It's in Dungeons and Dragons and Lord of the Rings, King Arthur, Runescape, and World of Warcraft.

And I think this is how we get to characters like Ragnar and Vane. This idea of leather as practical gear and light armour, it's fantasy, but it has this lineage, behind which sits cowboy chaps and bomber/flight jackets. It's usually brown compared to the punk bad boy's black, less shiny, and more often piecemeal or decorated. In fact, there's a great distinction between the two Period Leather Modes within the same piece of media: Robin Hood (2006)! Compare the brooding, fascist-coded villain Guy of Gisborne with the shabby, bow-wielding, forest-dwelling Robin:

So, back to the original question: What's the difference between Charles Vane in Black Sails, and Edward Teach in Our Flag Means Death?

Simply put, it's intention. There is nothing intentional about Vane's leather in Black Sails. It's not the only leather in the show, and it only says what all shabby period leather says, relying on the same tropes as fantasy armour: he's a bad boy and a fighter in workaday leather, poor, flexible, and practical. None of these connotations are based in reality or history, and they've been done countless times before. It's boring design, neither historically accurate nor particularly creative, but much the same as all the other shabby chic fighters on our screens. He has a broad lineage in Lord of the Rings and Pirates of the Caribbean and such, but that's it.

In Our Flag, however, the lineage is much, much more intentional. Ed is a direct homage to Mad Max, the costuming in which is both practical (Max is an ex-cop and road warrior), and draws on punk and kink designs to evoke a counterculture gone mad to the point of social breakdown, exploiting the thrill of the taboo to frighten and titillate the audience.

In particular, Ed is styled after Max in the second movie, having lost his family, been badly injured, and watched the world turn into an apocalypse. He's a broken man, withdrawn, violent, and deliberately cutting himself off from others to avoid getting hurt again. The plot of Mad Max 2 is him learning to open up and help others, making himself vulnerable to more loss, but more human in the process.

This ties directly into the themes of Our Flag - it's a deliberate intertext. Ed's emotional journey is also one from isolation and pain to vulnerability, community, and love. Mad Max (intentionally and unintentionally) explores themes of masculinity, violence, and power, while Max has become simplified in the popular imagination as a stoic, badass action hero rather than the more complex character he is, struggling with loss and humanity. Similarly, Our Flag explores masculinity, both textually (Stede is trying to build a less abusive pirate culture) and metatextually (the show champions complex, banal, and tender masculinities, especially when we're used to only seeing pirates in either gritty action movies or childish comedies).

Our Flag also draws on the specific countercultures of motorcycles, rockers, and gay/BDSM culture in its design and themes. Naturally, in such a queer show, one can't help but make the connection between leather pirates and leather daddies, and the design certainly nods at this, with its vests and studs. I always think about this guy, with his flat cap so reminiscient of gay leather fashions.

More overtly, though, Blackbeard and his crew are styled as both violent gangsters and countercultural rockstars. They rove the seas like a bikie gang, free and violent, and are seen as icons, bad boys and celebrities. Other pirates revere Blackbeard and wish they could be on his crew, while civilians are awed by his reputation, desperate for juicy, gory details.

This isn't all of why I like the costuming in Our Flag Means Death (especially season 1). Stede's outfits are by no means accurate, but they're a lot more accurate than most pirate media, and they're bright and colourful, with accurate and delightful silks, lace, velvets, and brocades, and lovely, puffy skirts on his jackets. Many of the Revenge crew wear recognisable sailor's trousers, and practical but bright, varied gear that easily conveys personality and flair. There is a surprising dedication to little details, like changing Ed's trousers to fall-fronts for a historical feel, Izzy's puffy sleeves, the handmade fringe on Lucius's red jacket, or the increasing absurdity of navy uniform cuffs between Nigel and Chauncey.

A really big one is the fact that they don't shy away from historical footwear! In almost every example above, we see the period drama's obsession with putting men in skinny jeans and bucket-top boots, but not only does Stede wear his little red-heeled shoes with stockings, but most of his crew, and the ordinary people of Barbados, wear low boots or pumps, and even rough, masculine characters like Pete wear knee breeches and bright colours. It's inaccurate, but at least it's a new kind of inaccuracy, that builds much more on actual historical fashions, and eschews the shortcuts of other, grittier period dramas in favour of colour and personality.

But also. At least it fucking says something with its leather.

[webtomo]

While I am optimistic about Tomodachi Life: Living The Dream and will probably be buying it and playing it regardless of anything, there are a few things that kinda potentially concern me about the game. I assume most of these will be addressed at some point in the future, but I want to run through them real quick.

1 - The "New Horizons" problem.

Though I did play a lot of New Horizons when it came out and did thoroughly enjoy it, it is undeniable that the game is held back by a number of flaws. Most notably, the fact that they significantly stripped back a number of features (especially near the time of release) as well as the general "softening" of the game. Now, don't get me wrong, New Horizons is far from a bad game. But many things sort of hold me back from considering it the definitive Animal Crossing experience, especially after coming off of New Leaf/Welcome Amiibo. I do really enjoy the customization of the game, but in many ways it almost feels like they had forgone things like villagers personalities and their autonomy in order to make that happen. Not to mention the fact that many key elements of the series were not in the game at all at launch, and were instead added in later updates. I am hoping that at the very least, the team behind Living The Dream will be able to learn from the negative aspects of New Horizons. Tomodachi Life is a series that, in part, is made by the randomness of every social interaction and is way more heavily focused on social interaction than Animal Crossing as a whole is. So with that in mind, I do hope that they don't entirely drop the ball in that regard and can present us with something interesting. Another big aspect of Tomodachi Life is relationships and the drama that the islanders get themselves into, so I hope that they allow for those things to continue to be relevant in this entry without dampening the personalities of the islanders.

2 - Gay Marriage.

I think most people know about this by now, but back when Tomodachi Life originally came out a controversy sprung about, named the Miiquality movement. This movement was centered around making Nintendo acknowledge and allow gay couples to exist in Tomodachi Life, since it was one of the only games in the life simulation genre to not allow it. Nintendo responded by claiming that they would promise to include it in a potential sequel, since it was too late for them to change anything in the original Tomodachi Life for 3DS. Now, this is a net good thing, and I and many other have been asking for this for a long time. However, I am somewhat worried that for whatever reason, they do something to work around the gay marriage thing. It honestly would probably be kind of stupid for them to do this, but I can very easily picture a reality where they forgo the entire existing relationship system and replace it with something else, maybe something like the Miitopia system or something. But honestly, at that point, it would just be easier to allow gay marriage outright since the Miitopia relationship system was the reason that game was marked as an 18+ title in Russia and Nintendo seemingly had no issues with releasing the game there despite it. Nowadays, we live in 2025. There is no reason for them to not include it at this point. Tomodachi Life for 3DS released in 2013 in Japan and 2014 everywhere else, which predated the legalization of gay marriage in the United States and a number of other places in which the game released, and is still not fully legal to this day in Japan (but is pretty close to potential legalization at the time of writing). Nowadays, Nintendo seems more open to the idea of having visibly queer characters in their games, for instance the Fire Emblem series allows you to be gay in most of their modern releases. Just last year, the Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door remake officially canonized trans Vivian, so I do think the option is still on the table.

3 - Scale and design.

The trailer we have seen shows some already significant design changes in this game compared to the previous two, which honestly I do think looks decent and I have positive thoughts on the art direction as a whole. However with any big new changes, there are bound to be some rough points. The flatness of the island we have seen is a little weird, which I assume may be related to a potential building feature, in which case is fine, but in many ways honestly feels like a visual downgrade from the 3DS version. Albeit we have not seen too much so far regarding the appearance of the island, and if island customization is a thing then that could potentially negate that issue entirely. However, a bigger concern of mine is the scale of the island itself. I am somewhat worried now that since each islander is living in a little cabin instead of an apartment, that the amount of Miis you are able to add will be limited. This isn't entirely a deal breaker necessarily, however I think most people would agree that it would be extremely disappointing if the game forces you to limit the amount of people on your island arbitrarily. I think if they were to cut down the amount of Miis per island, a reasonable minimum should be at least 50. Ideally I would prefer if the cap of 100 Miis was still a thing, since its a pretty reasonable number and I would be happy if they even allowed for more than that. Though if they do decide to limit the islanders to a smaller number, then I think it would honestly kill a lot of the hype for this game, since a big aspect of Tomodachi Life is the broadness of interactions possible between many islanders at a time. The Switch is more powerful than the 3DS so I am hoping they at least have some way around this issue, but the Switch isn't necessarily a powerhouse to begin with, so we will see how that pans out.

With all of that being said, I am still very excited for this game. I imagine future news will address some of these issues, but for now I guess we will just have to wait and see what happens. I will continue to post more about Living The Dream as more news presents itself.

[pedriache]

AITANA BONMATI. CANT KEEP HER HANDS TO HERSELF. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

2 hold U — Aitana Bonmatí.

Pairing: Aitana Bonmatí x Fem!Reader

Summary: Your girlfriend cannot seem to keep her hands to herself.

Word count: 431

Disclaimer/s: Fluff! and gay wlw gay gay gay

A/N: My actual wife thanks

The fall season had you in the mood to bake. As always. This was a routine your girlfriend had grown accustomed to over the years, the second the leaves changed colors she knew she was going to come home to the smell of your baking a dessert you claimed to be ‘fall-y’.

That was the case today. Aitana opened the front door to the strong smell of God knows what. A smile graced her lips as she made her way into the kitchen, “i’m home!” She called out in a sing-song voice.

Her eyes scanning what you were wearing, amusement clear on her face as she takes in the look. A black apron with a pumpkin in the middle, covering your matching brown long sleeve and joggers. Cute.

A wide grin takes over your face as you meet your girlfriend’s gaze. “Aitana! Hey! I’m just about to put this in the oven, hold on.”

You turn back around, grabbing the two pans, putting them in the oven, and closing it. The second the oven closes, your girlfriend spins you around, hands planted firmly on your waist. You squeal at the unexpected move, but the sound is muffled by Aitana’s lips on yours.

“You smell good,” she utters, leaning back a few inches. “What’re you making this time?”

“It’s a surprise!” You hum, head lulling to the side. “How was your day?”

Aitana brings her hand up to brush a loose strand of hair out of your face before they come down to rest on your jaw. Her finger brushes your cheek as she speaks, “good, tiring, but good. How was yours?”

She was being awfully affectionate today, which made your eyebrows quirk up. “What’s with you today? First you make yourself late because you want to cuddle longer, and now all..” your eyes flicker to her hand, “this.”

“Can I not love on my girlfriend?” Her eyebrows knit together, “and you didn’t answer my question, by the way.”

Rolling your eyes playfully, you shrug. “It was fine, boring, but fine nonetheless. Also! I’m getting flour all over your outfit.”

Aitana’s hand drops from your face to rest against your hip, pushing your body way from her to look at your apron, then her own clothes. A light imprint of flour now showing on her black jeans and hoodie. “I should probably go change anyways.” She shrugs it off, but doesn’t make any effort to move.

“So…” you start slowly, looking at her expectantly, “are you going to go change or..”

“Not yet,” she grins, pulling you closer once again.

DTS , @halfwayhearted @spidybaby !

[rhiannonsknife]

Hey I love your fics! Could you possibly write a part 3 of "is it casual now" where the reader is seemingly moving on from Jackie and it's driving her crazy.

Like she'll leave you notes to come over and watch in absolute shock as you toss them in the garbage.

Or maybe you're getting closer to someone else on the team and she watches you slowly start to show up at games more for someone else who isn't afraid of being close to you.

I feel like it would drive her crazy if it was Shauna because that's her best friend and for once she feels like she's in second place to her.

Or Nat because Jackie sees her as a burnout with a lesser reputation so she feels like she's losing you to someone she sees as lesser than her.

── SECRETLY HOOKING UP WITH JACKIE TAYLOR 2

— summary: secretly hooking up with your teammate. masterlist.

— warnings: fem!reader. mean!jackie. implied internalized homophobia. cheating. toxic relationship dynamics. angst. miscommunication. some nsfw content. so: mdni. again: this takes place at the end of the last year of Highschool. all characters in this are 18+!!

jackie, who only ever wants things to be done on her terms.

so, as established: she sets the tone early: “this doesn’t mean anything.” she’ll remind you after every single interaction, voice steady, like she’s trying to convince herself rather than you. “we’re just having fun until we leave this town! it’s not- i’m not- i’m not…gay, or whatever!” but the way her gaze lingers after you kiss tells a whole different story.

jackie, who pretends not to care but acts insanely territorial with you all the same.

she would hate to put a label on what you have, but she also hates when anyone else so much as looks at you. if one of your teammates compliments you after practice, she’s quick to steer the conversation back to herself, casually draping her arm over your shoulder when no one’s looking. this is obviously contrary to her constant claims of things only "being casual".

jackie, who tries to tell herself that it doesn’t matter when she feels you pulling away.

she’s always been good at hiding her feelings—until her constant lies start to wear on you. sure, you knew it was only supposed to be a one-time thing, but it’s exhausting to watch the girl you’ve clearly fallen in love with return to her boyfriend after every hookup. jackie pretends not to care, even convinces herself she doesn’t, but it still stings. slowly watching you toss aside the notes she leaves in your locker and ignore her usual late-night calls (the ones that used to be your signal to come over) cuts deeper than she’ll ever admit.

jackie, who is insanely jealous.

seeing you getting closer to someone else, (at the same time as you seem to lose interest in her) especially shauna, unravels her. she becomes hyperaware of every glance, every shared laugh, every subtle touch. it feels like a constant stab to her ego. she starts showing up to practice early just to see if you’ll walk in with shauna. and if you do, her mood is already ruined before the session starts. she’s curt with shauna, from this point forward, snappy during drills, and visibly distracted during scrimmages.

jackie, who’s genuinely desperate to “win you back” without even noticing herself.

i mean, it’s only normal that she misses someone she used to spent all of her time with, right? it’s normal to think about you all the time, especially when she’s having the worst mediocre sex with jeff and starts to picture you instead, right? surely, everyone does that!! jackie continues to leave secret notes in your locker like she used to, but you don’t respond the way you used to. when you toss them without reading them, she’s stunned and, yet, even more determined. she starts lingering near you after practice, finding excuses to talk to you, hoping you’ll give her a hint that you’re not over her yet. if you walk away, (specifically if you call for shauna to wait up) she’ll stew over it all night. even in games it’s not the same as it used to: jackie tries to make sure you notice her. she’ll play harder, score more, and make dramatic plays to catch your attention. if she scores a goal or makes a killer assist, she’ll glance at you first to see if you’re watching.

jackie, who’s simply not able to get over the shauna factor.

she’s in bed, late at night, unable to find sleep. instead, she’s overthinking every single interaction. it’s not like her at all to overthink. sure, she worries about her reputation -more than she cares to admit- but she’s also well aware that she’s in a secure position in the school’s hierarchy. she shouldn’t worry about your opinion. she shouldn’t worry about what you seem to see in shauna, of all people. jackie pretends like it doesn’t bother her, but everyone notices that something is off between her and shauna: she’ll act cold towards her or start throwing subtle shade in casual conversations.

jackie, who tries to get a rise out of you in return.

fed up with herself and her own reactions, jackie decides to give you a taste of your own “medicine”: she starts flaunting her relationship with jeff more than usual, hoping to make you jealous in return. she’ll sit on his lap at parties, laugh loudly at his jokes, and make sure you can see her holding his hand from across the room. but it doesn’t have the effect she hopes for: it only makes her feel more hollow. more empty. whereas you’re long used to the fact that you will never be jackie’s first choice. you can’t even pretend to be surprised that she’s letting it show now that you're no longer giving you the attention she wants.

jackie, whose behavior is affecting the whole team at this rate.

when you start openly cheering on shauna or someone else on the team, jackie will become more competitive. she’ll try to outshine them in every way, subtly one-upping them during games or practices, hoping you’ll notice. the rest of the team starts to pick up on the tension between you, jackie, and whoever you’re gravitating toward. nat might roll her eyes at her possessiveness or pull you aside: “look whatever the fuck is going on with you and taylor” she hisses. “you go talk to her”. laura lee tries to mediate in her gentle way, while taissa, ever the practical one, will tell jackie to “get her act together” before she messes up the team’s chances at state.

yet even if jackie does pull you aside after the rest of the yellowjackets insist on you guys sorting your shit out…

…it’s to no avail. jackie might corner you after practice, her frustration finally spilling over. “what are you doing with her?” she demands, her voice sharp. “you don’t- you don’t even like her like that!” and still: she’ll go back to jeff the next day, pretending like nothing happened. pretending like she didn’t let her guard down, in a way, and showed you the jealous side of her she’d been trying so hard to hide.

jackie, who can’t stay far from you.

and, truthfully, you can’t stay away from her either. the two of you always gravitate back towards the other, whether it’s any good or not. having her, if just for one short moment, seems worth all the hurt it’ll cost. it starts out innocently enough, anyway. too innocently. you’re both in the locker room after practice, the last ones there. you’re at your locker, focused on packing up, and jackie lingers just a little too long. “you were with her the whole day. again.” she points out, trying to sound casual but failing miserably. when you don’t immediately answer, she takes a step closer, her voice dropping. “do you really think she gets you the way i do?”

you try to walk away, tired of her games and afraid you’ll tell her something you might regret, but jackie’s hand catches your wrist. it’s not rough, but firm enough to stop you.

“jackie don’t,” you warn, but your voice isn’t as steady as you’d like. her grip softens, her thumb brushing against your skin. it’s such a small, familiar gesture, and yet it is pulling you right back in.

the tension only builds as she steps closer, her voice barely above a whisper. “i can’t stop thinking about you,” she admits, and her vulnerability catches you off guard. for once, jackie isn’t trying to be in control. she’s just laying it all out there.

before you can respond, or even take it all in, her lips are on yours. the kiss is desperate, messy, and filled with weeks of pent-up frustration. you know it’s a bad idea, but it’s the only thing you know how to do. and it doesn’t stop with that kiss, either. it never does. you find yourself pressed against the cold metal of the lockers, her hands gripping your waist like she’s terrified you’ll pull away.

jackie is on her knees before you even know it, pulling down your shorts and underwear all in one go. when she puts her mouth on you, she’s the one who moans, her eyes rolling back in her attempt to look up at you. it’s a rare occasion for jackie to be on the giving end, to begin with, but the way she eats you out that day will stay with you -forever the best head you’ve received. it’s quick, it’s hard and fast, and so good.

the whole thing is rushed and reckless, like you’re both trying to make up for lost time. but afterward, when you’re catching your breath and fixing your clothes, reality starts to creep back in. jackie’s eyes are on you, wide and uncertain, as she gives you some space, like she’s just as scared of what this means as you are.

jackie, who falls back into old patterns with you like you were never even gone from her.

after that first moment, it’s impossible to stay away. she’s not willing to lose that little you've had ever again. jackie starts leaving you notes more frequently again. not to confront you this time, but to arrange secret meetups. you read every single one of them in spite of yourself. “behind the bleachers after practice” “jeff’s busy tonight. come over.” all signed off with a loopy -J. it is almost like the conflict never even happened. almost, because you’re not just sneaking around for fun anymore. you’re both purposefully avoiding confronting what’s really happening between you, instead focusing on the new intensity of each hookup: the way she’ll whisper your name under her breath when you make her come undone on your mouth, the way you desperately cling to each other as you both try not to be the first to stumble over the edge, the way she’ll ask you to say things to her, claiming that they don’t mean anything. (“tell me you want me. tell me you need me”. “promise me this isn’t the last time”. “tell me you think about me when you’re all by yourself”…)

jackie and you both fall into a constant state of pushing the other away and pulling them right back in.

every time you tell yourself it’s the last time, jackie pulls you back in. she knows exactly how to break your resolve by now, whether it’s a soft look during practice, brushing her fingers against yours when no one’s looking, or whispering your name in a way that makes your knees weak. but it’s not one-sided: jackie tries to pull away too, telling herself she needs to focus on jeff and her perfect life. and yet, the second she sees you laughing with someone else who’s not her, or notices the slightest change in your demeanor, her own resolve shatters and she has to drag you into an empty room to remind you that you’re hers by shoving her hand down your pants.

jackie, whose anger starts to turn into passion.

it should piss her off, really, how she can’t even be angry at you without simultaneously wanting you. she’s been aware of the effect you had on her, subconsciously, at least. yet the anger had always been hers. a small act of rebellion against her confusing, unbearable feelings for you. now, even her rage is yours. the tension between you two doesn’t just show up in quiet moments: it explodes in arguments. “you don’t own me, jackie,” you snap at her and she fires back, “you don’t get to move on like this”

“move on from what?” you’ll then scoff, thinking you have her. she’s the one who claims that she doesn’t want you. she’s the one running back to jeff.

yet it all ends the same way: you never get your answer, instead, jackie kisses you mid-sentence, silencing whatever protest you still had. and, as much as you hate to admit it, it works. she has you on your knees for her in no time, lapping up her arousal while she’s got her head thrown back in pleasure, a hand clamped over her mouth to stifle her sighs.

jackie, who always finds ways to keep you around somehow.

maybe it’s because she’s jackie taylor and there’s never been anything in her picture-perfect life that she couldn’t have. but, no matter what, she’s got you wrapped around her finger. there’s no way out for you. you’re pathetic, and the worst part is that you know damn well, and yet you’re still willing to go this far for her. in school/public in general, jackie is the ultimate golden girl: polite, charming, and always keeping up appearances. however, when it’s just the two of you, she’s all quiet desperation and need, pulling you into closets or sneaking you into her car just to feel close to you. whether she’d ever admit it or not, jackie loves the thrill of secrecy.

jackie, who starts bending her own rules.

she’s the one who set the “no strings attached” boundaries, but now she’s the one struggling to keep them, the closer graduation gets. it’s in the little things: at a party, she grabs your wrist a little too hard when you try to walk away from her. “we need to talk,” she insists, dragging you into an empty room. she doesn’t seem to care that someone might notice you leaving together; she just needs to feel like she still has control. but her desperation is palpable, and for once, she doesn’t even try to hide it. the truth is, you’re the only thing that feels real to her. and, with the final weeks of school fast approaching, jackie begins to realize how close she is to losing that. her jealousy, her need for control, her denial: they’re all spiraling out of her grasp.

jackie, who’s so clearly falling in love with you, who has known this from the start, and is still in denial about it.

she notices everything about you, from the way your nose scrunches up when you’re thinking to the way your laugh sounds when you’re genuinely happy. maybe it’s because she’s staring at you 90% of her time, whether it’s in class or during practice. she won’t ever say it outright, but she loves how your presence makes her feel grounded. around you, she can be herself without all the pressure to keep up her reputation. if anyone ever notices though, jackie will instantly turn them down. maybe it’s tai, who obviously knows a thing or two about hiding, or shauna who is noticing that something is off with her best friend and that you seem to have something to do with with. either way, she turns them down without batting an eye: “me and them? you’re crazy!” she laughs with a dismissive wave of her hand. later, when it’s just the two of you, she’ll look at you with guilt in her eyes. “you know i didn’t mean it, right?” jackie will ask softly.

jackie, who is stuck in a never ending cycle.

the two of you aren’t exactly compatible…turns out it is worse when you fight, though, so it’s seemingly easier to try and avoid conflict and go back to how things were: sex and hookups with “no strings attached”. you know it’s messy and complicated. it’s pointless, even, considering you’re well aware that you’re in love with her. but something about her keeps you coming back, no matter how much it hurts. you won’t be able to ignore your feelings for jackie forever, but you will for the time being if it means you get to have her temporarily.

jackie, who wants to make things right, but doesn't know how to.

even when things are going well, she finds ways to mess it up. after a particularly tender moment between you, she’ll say something cutting, something meant to remind you (and herself) that this isn’t real. it couldn't be, could it? “you know this doesn’t change anything, right?” she’ll say, her voice cool and detached. by the time she sees the hurt flash across your face, the damage is already done. you’re the only one who knows the jackie beneath the perfection: the girl who’s scared of not being enough. she’s terrified you’ll leave her for good, but she doesn’t know how to ask you to stay, either. it's why she does what she always does: to push you away first. it’s like she doesn’t know how to be with you properly. jackie tells herself it’s because it’s nothing serious, but the truth is that she’d never been in love before: with jeff, it’s only easy because she doesn’t want him like that. she doesn’t want him at all. it’s easy because she doesn’t care about him the way she should. with you, she doesn’t have to pretend, the care comes naturally, against her own will. no rule or boundary could stop the way she has so hopelessly fallen in love with you. and, deep down, jackie knows that. she knows that she’s fucked.

— okay, so, i have no idea where i’m going with this but with the amount of requests i’ve been receiving for another part, i’m pretty sure this won’t be the last one in this series. if anyone as any more ideas/thoughts on this whole scenario: feel free to share them!! <33 other than that thank you for reading! i promise i hear how much you guys love the jackie angst!!

[tan1shere]

Come To Me

Billie Eilish x female reader !

A/n: a lil lot self reflective ? I have a parent that is homophobic, it's a horrible thing but its sadly reality. I got this idea so I hope you enjoy. I notice how protective and caring Billie can get over the ones she loves :)

Summary: it was taking a toll on you, you couldn't handle how he treated you anymore it was just too much, so when you announced your new girlfriend in hopes he'd just understand, that's when things go south.

Warnings: angst angst angst, fluff at the end tho ! Homophobic parent.

Masterlist

It wasn't your fault. But it truly seemed like it. You lived with your dad for years, ever since you were 5, your mother had never been around so it was just the two of you. Everything was great he was sweet to you. That was until you got to the age of about 7 or 8, he started to not care as much. And it was always confusing when he did. You just wished he'd show it all the time. Not just when he felt like it. So it came a shock to him when you first said you might like girls. You were 13 and had a suspicion that you could infact like females.

"Don't be ridiculous. You'll settle down with a man, you don't even know what you want yet."

And that suck in your brain for years, you didn't truly see how horrible he ended up until later on. 16. You had genuinely figured out that you were into girls, you had your first kiss with one that year and it showed you how you that was. That was what you wanted. You wanted to be with girls. Kiss them. Make love with one. But it frightened you, as you were still living with your father, what he had said scared you. You had to pretend that you did like guys. Fake who you genuinely were. It was tiring by the age of 18.

So you decided to move out, be on your own where you wouldn't worry about accidentally saying how you loved women. Whenever you were on the phone with your friend you'd have to make sure none of you said anything along the lines, incase he listened. Incase he heard how 'a wrong thing' you felt was.

Now we are in the present. You had just turned 21, chilling out in your apartment. Watching something random on the TV. You had just been to see your girlfriend, Billie. When your phone dings.

Dad. ...

Hey angel, want to come round for some drinks to celebrate a late birthday?

You stare at it for a moment, you absolutely hated whenever he'd be sweet to you. It always seemed fake, even if he wasn't. It never ever lasted even when you moved out you'd get yelled at for fucking breathing. You couldn't escape it, not once. You take a moment not even sure if you want to, getting a bad feeling about it. But your dumbass says yes. Was it the name? It gave you hope he mightve actually loved you, and not because he has to. But it was never the case. He didn't love you. Unconditional love did not. Exist to him.

The door opens and you see him, he smiles and gives you a hug. But you hated this, you had tried to avoid seeing him for the past few years. You couldn't bare it. It would give you false hope that he changed. But there's no changing. Not now. So if you stayed away you wouldn't have to deal with him, deal with his niceness one day and horrible the next. As if you were a child again. Staying far away was the only option. You go into the house, putting the bottle of alcohol on the kitchen counter. "How have you been." He asks, following. "Not too bad, you?" "Same same." You nod, unsure of how to continue.

He seemed off, maybe he started drinking already. He claimed he wasn't an alcoholic but he really was. He had stopped in the past but nearly every night he'd drink, when you were a kid, teen, and even now. More so that he's retired. "So, anything new?"

I have a girlfriend and I'm gay.

"Not really no."

He nods, trying to find something to talk about. "I didn't make anything, but we can order something? Maybe McDonald's?" Your brows furrow just slightly. You use to always eat that when you were a kid, and maybe on the off occasion now but you hadn't had it in forever. "I don't really eat that anymore dad, maybe some Chinese or something." You then say, fiddling with your rings. "Yeah, that's fine. When did you stop eating it." You think for a second. "Maybe like 4 years ago?" The air was awkward again. Why was he acting as if he knew you. He truly knew nothing about you. Nor did he even try.

It had been an hour or so, you had got food and were trying to find some kind of topic to talk on. You had, had a few drinks. "Well, uhm was your birthday good?" You nod gently. "I spent it with some friends and I got a bunch of nice things too, from them and my gi-" You pause, but your mind said fuck it. You don't live with him anymore you live your own life now. "My girlfriend." He stares for a second. "Is this a new friend or that one you'd always call?" You sigh, he was ignoring the fact. He knew damn well. "I'm dating someone. A girl." More silence. Was it staying that way? Until he speaks. "You said that years ago, or something like it. Youre just confused still."

Something ignites in you. Maybe it was the alcohol or the pent up stress from your job but you fire back. "I know what I want and it's her. I'm far from confused." He shakes his head and goes to talk again but your anger wins, instantly shutting him up. "And no I don't have any interest in men I don't want to be with one. I don't want to marry one. But I think I have you to blame for that because you were the shittiest one in my life." You didn't want this to carry on, getting up and heading for the door. "Keep the booz I'm sure you'll drink it no problem." Now he was angry.

"Dont ever speak to me that way." You swiftly turn around. "Why? Because you know good and fucking well that it's the damn truth, that you're an alcoholic asshole, and a horrible father." Slap.

.....

Your worst fear came to reality. He'd never physically hurt you, always mentally. But you'd always wonder if he ever would, if something one day would really set him off and that was this moment. You hold your cheek as the sting spreads through your face, your finger moves to your nose feeling slight blood. Not much, but considering his strength it would definitely leave some marks. Everything was still. You didn't dare look at one another. "I don't ever want to see you again." You mumbled, but he heard. "Wait-" As if he felt guilty. He did that loud and proud. You just instantly turn around.

Heading for the door, he follows after but you were quicker to your car. "Y/n!" You were gone, never ever wanting to see him again. As you were driving slightly drunk you got a text from work and all you wanted to do was scream. Ofcourse they text right now. Then you got a call. Billie, you answer. "Hi." Your voice was slightly shakey but it wasn't evident through the speaker. "Hey! Was thinking about coming around, just got done with my shit for the day. I missed you." Your tears start pouring out, a sob escaping. "Baby?" You hear her say, you just hum in response. "What's going on you're worrying me." Her tone changed to tense. Serious. Then she heard your car in the background. Making her heart race like crazy. You had your phone on speaker but you put it down. "Pull over." She speaks, but your tears were firey. Your face stung. "Baby please pull over." She repeated.

After she got no reply again, she freaks out. You honestly couldn't hear her, your ears ringing and your mind fogged with everything that happened, you wanted to forget it all. Erase it from your brain. "Y/n, fucking pull over!" She screamed, that. You heard. Coming back to your senses and doing just that into a nearby gas station. She heard the car stop letting out a relived breath. "Jesus christ." She then says. "Where are you, please talk to me." She knew something horrible was up. You never ever wanted to bombard her with your past. Or even tell her about your father.

You told her tiny bits but not everything. Maybe it was time you did. But your slightly drunk state rejected that. "I'm fine, just needed to blow off some steam." You utter, so dry. So cold. And it was frustrating her she couldn't help. She couldn't do anything because she knew you were lying. She knew something wasn't right. "Where. Are. You." You let out a breath. "Talk later." She curses under her breath panicking as you hang up. How on earth was she going to find you. Your door opens as you get out of the car. Your intoxicated mind telling you too keep going. Maybe the sting on your face would ease.

You buy a bottle of whatever, going back out to your car to drink it. But soon the tears just come pouring out. All you wanted was to get home and curl up into bed. So you did, and you had 0 clue on how you made it, your vision blurry from the mix of tears and drunkenness. You had only just stepped through the door when your phone rings, but you had no energy to answer. Plopping your bag down on the floor, worrying about it later. You kick your shoes off somewhere. Also going to worry about them later. You fall to the floor, tears still coming down your cheeks, except this time your emotions had vanished. When yu hear your front door swing open.

Your head turns to see Billie standing there, worry and anger on her face. But the worrying look overtook it all. "What the fuck happened." Her brows knit together, noticing you're crying. "Fuck babe, I was terrified." Those emotions come back, seeing her face. And everything she brings with, her unconditional love. That's all you ever wanted. Was to truly feel that. You sob, heavy. And her heart just breaks, hurts to see you this way. Her hands make contact with your skin. "Did you fall over?" Her thumb swipes the growing bruise around your eye. "Fuck babe." She says more to herself. The redness on your check and the tiny dried up blood just beneath your nose. Your head shakes at her question. "Well you've been drinking, I can smell it. Did you drive home like this?" You nod, really not trusting your voice right now.

"Fuck." She lowers her head. "Don't do that shit, talk to me instead please." You hiccup trying to calm yourself down. "Hey hey, I'm not mad or anything yeah?" You nod "I know.. I'm just sorry." She purses her lips. "Don't be sorry, just talk to me. You know you can." Her thumb soothes over your face again, sensing you don't want to talk right now especially considering your state. "Come on." She softly says, grabbing your waist and getting you to stand. Your wobbly form almost makes you fall back down but her grip tightens. "Did someone do this to you?" Her face was almost back to angry again at the thought.

And when you anxiously don't reply her eyes widen. "Did they?" Your eyes shut for a second. But she drops the topic, taking you into your bathroom. She sits you up on the sink, grabbing a warm wet cloth. Gently wiping your face from the makeup you had on, the remainders that was. Your tears had ruined most of it. You then had the sudden urge to tell her, tears starting up again. "My dad.. He did it. I went to go see him and we drunkenly got into an argument and he hit me hard." Her face drops, hating seeing you in such distress, it hurt her. "S-so. I left and I didn't know what to do and-" You hiccup again but Billie just brings you in for a comforting well needed hug. You cry into her shoulder, letting everything over the years out. And you felt like you could with her.

You felt safe, that kinda safe that you've never felt before. Her hand rubs gently up your back landing in your hair, resting her chin ontop of your head. You sat like that for awhile until you had calmed down again. You tell her everything, sitting on your bed and explaining. "What a douche." She says shaking her head. You nod in response. "Thank you." You then blurt out. She was slightly confused. "What for?" - "For making me feel so safe. You're the only person in my life who does." She grabs your face, so delicately. And kisses you sweetly. You knew this is what you want, what you've always wanted. No man could ever make you feel so safe and comfortable.

"I always want you safe. You mean so much to me and when I heard you driving my heart sunk right down to the floor." You felt awful, you never knew anyone could worry that much about you. "I love you." She then says. And you believe her. You never ever believed anyone who told you those words. "I love you. So much." You then say with a bright smile. "Talk to me in future ok? I was so worried tonight. I just want to keep you safe." You nod, you most definitely were going to. After all. She was your everything, and more.

[deceit-and-knowledge]

ooc: whilst sage and truthless have their gay awakenings

I am a creature. Golden cheese interaction/meeting but smilk can't stick to a fucking plan 😧

SUGGESTIVE WARNING (It's a freak for freak relationship what are you expecting?

TLDR: pure vanilla has a meeting with golden cheese about shadow milk, she's kinda against the relationship, shadow milk provides great reasons as to why her fears are correct 😭

ft art from blog owner himself. Note: he's an adult before I get those inbox messages. Secondly if some of the art seems poor quality it was like nearly 2 am when I finished the art for this so I was getting TIRED.

pv: ...I can't find him...ugh.. I hope he shows up.. *sits down at a long table, setted up for the meeting*

*sits at the table fidgeting in his chair due to discomfort from his wings*

gc: *walks in*

pv: ah! Um golden cheese cookie! Hello my friend..

gc: soo.. is it true?

pv: huh.. is what-

gc: *flings a hologram over to him that has the latest gossip and news to him, all major headlines discuss king pure vanilla cookie and his new girlfriend* is it true?

pv: golden cheese cookie.. i-

gc: is it..?

pv: ...well...yes and no.. that's why I wanted to meet with you..

Allow me to explain..

You know shadow milk cookie.. the beast of deceit... the one that helped me realise parts of my self I denied.. and helped me realise my true compassion for those around me.. and myself....

gc: yes.. I'm aware who that is..

pv: ...I am.. living with him, I took him into my care when he showed up on my doorstep.. desperate for friendship and forgiveness which I gave to him.. he doesn't wish to seek redemption or forgiveness from others but only I, he only cares to make me happy.. I hope it you understand that..

gc: he doesn't want to... Not be evil is what I'm getting..

pv: not quite, despite his denial of redemption in my care he's ironically become softer and kind. He lies less and is more truthful.. like I've rubbed off on him!

gc: it seems he's done the same to you.. *addresses pvs eye hair, wings, halo, slit eyes and clearly visible fangs*

pv: a-ah.. well... you see um the hair and facial changes I cannot explain.. we did briefly share a soul back in beast yeast....I assume it occured then..

But the wings and halo are a much different tale.. a hard to explain one... But it's not bothersome!

gc: so you and shadow milk cookie live together and are friends.. if the news serves me right, you are more than "just friends"..

pv: ....y...yes... Mistress condensed cream cookie is shadow milk cookie.. she is my girlfriend...and he is my boyfriend.. he gave me a heart felt talk as he asked me out..

That kiss at the jampie diner in the cremé republic was our first proper kiss I did out of sheer jealousy and craving to claim him as mine...

Which is embarrassingly out of character for me.. I didn't intend to make "us" so accidentally public.. it's too late to go back now.. I'm sorry you had to find out this way.. I wanted to tell you sooner but I was afraid of your reaction.. I was... terrified to lose you.. you reacted badly over white lily cookie which I understood.. I am quick to forgive that's a flaw of mine, I'm aware of.

However my forgiveness is what lead to me being with the man I genuinely love and desire..

gc: mhm.. but are you sure he loves you. He could be very well just using you for your soul jam or even... your body..

pv: golden cheese cookie- why.. would you suggest that..

gc: you have to admit pure vanilla cookie, you're an attractive man. But most cookies who go for looks only want one thing..

pv: I can assure you he does not care for looks.. I understand you're worried and clearly don't approve of our relationship but he makes me feel happy, he fills a void white lily cookie couldn't..

I'm not forcing you to approve of us, you really don't need to, but don't expect me to communicate much with you.. I don't need my boyfriend to feel immense tension if he dares to exist near you. I love him and I love you, you're my great friend and ally. You both mean alot to me but I've spent many more years with one of you and you're not it..

The love and understanding we have is different and incomparable to any other cookie I've met. It's special and feels amazing.. I feel warm and fuzzy inside just thinking about it...

Really..wa..rm..

...h-huh

...wh..what..why do I suddenly feel...so..str..mmh..!

gc: are you okay pure vanilla cookie..?

pv: ah..haah.. *panting* ...i.. I'm alright! My wings are just awfully sensitive.. I'm sure you've heard the extremely awkward news of me making a rather...embarrassing noise..in the diner.

gc: yeah.. there's loads of rumours about it.

pv: the sensitivity seems to be worsened by my nerves.. but no bother! Let's just pretend I never did that, please..

...um.. d-do you understand where I'm coming from...

gc: I understand.. *sighs* I do wish you found love in a cookie that isn't hard for me trust but if he's truly different now like you say I suppose I'll make an exception....

Reluctantly.

pv: understandable.. I apologise if I'm maybe forcing your hand..

gc: you aren't .. it's just.. are you sure, really.

pv: I'm sure..

gc: whatever makes you happy..i don't want to create more of a rift between us..

pv: alright ..

...um.. how are you..?

gc: I'm okay.. I've had a tough week..

I'm..

pv: ...huh..?.. ..!?

.... what's....wrong with me..? I feel...that...again..

This is so...odd.. what's g-going on..

gc: are you even listening? Earthbread to pure vanilla cookie!

pv: h-huh oh sorry.. I must've spaced out, how rude of me.. my apologies..

gc: tch.. and yeah my wings are a me-

pv: ...I feel so..warm.. like someone's hot breath is breathing down my neck....

...ngh~.. what's .. wrong with me..all of a sudden.. this is so embarassing..right next to golden cheese cookie too..

..I hope she doesn't notice..

gc: you're not listening.. do you even care? You have wings too now this is important information!

pv: h-huh- ....sorry.. I'm just...a bit distracted..is all

gc: what's so distracting...

pv: my-..

Wings...! A-ah.. m..mmph *pant* ugh.. oh goodness I am so SORRY for that..

gc: what's gotten into you!?

pv: I'm so sorry my wings are extremely sensitive..

i really wish I could control it..

Now it feels like someone is.. rubbing my thigh..

....I feel so.. tingly ...

...

...it's like they're... moving... mmph-! ....

..h-huh..wh..ghk-!..

...i..

...what..what is..happening to me.....

gc: pure vanilla cookie are you alright, you can't seem to sit still, this isn't like you....

pv: I'm f-fine.. i-i.. I'm just..catching my breath.. and I'm just..so..e-excited to see you! We haven't..s-spoken in awhile..!

gc: hm...okay...

But I have a question from hollyberry cookie.. have you eaten lately..?

pv: not today.. but last night I ate so much I felt sick.. I am... g-going to be truthful with you.. I am... hungover..

gc: oh-

pv: y-yes.. so I don't particularly have an appetite today.. in fact shadow milk cookie has actually been checking up and making sure I eat...

gc: oh really..?

pv: really!

gc: so he's not as bad as I thought..

pv: see he does care about me!

You can tell hollyberry cookie I'm alright! I'll be speaking with her and dark cacao cookie next week.. this week was rather busy as I've been accepted as "step master" by shadow milk cookie's minions. They're really like his children but I think he's afraid to say it...

its quite adorable that he-

i... need the um..I need the restroom...p-pardon me, I-I'll j-just be a minute m-my.. my....apologies golden cheese cookie...! *runs off*

gc: .... Odd...

....

Ugh.. what's with him!?..

s: *chucking away the voodoo doll* why hello goldie~! It is I! The cookie you don't like!

gc: *grumbles*

s: I heard the whole thing~ it's really cute how you think you can sway his decision, whaat~? Are you jealous?

gc: I'm not.. I'm worried for my FRIEND because he's dating a BEAST.

s: aww girly being so vehemently against something that literally doesn't affect you, what are you a twitter user?

gc: what..?

s: how callous of you! What about HIS feelings? Why do yours matter, are you that greedy greedy selfish? Losing your treasures once shouldn't make you think only "me me me" matters. He's happy so get over it. Instead you fought him over it! Loves love goldie, but you'll never get that.

gc: what do you mean.. I have a boyfriend..

s: who's that? Is it maybe, a little isty bitsy possibility that you're a HYPOCRITE! *pulls out of a photo of gc making out with bspice, it's a real picture*

gc: w-where- did.

s: my minions are VERY good at getting dirt on any cookie. How would pure vanilla cookie feel of you were judging him for something you're LITERALLY doing..

So how about we strike a deal!

I won't tell pure vanilla cookie, if you teach him to fly.

gc: you vile be- ...huh.. you don't.. want anything for yourself?

s: what could I possibly want from you? You're just a useless birdy to me.

I want my angel to fly. He deserves it! Angels shouldn't be bound the earthy plane. They should be able to fly and spread their wings. You know how to fly so teach him and I won't use my little black mail.. is that a deal?

gc: ....deal...

s: thank you! Hahaha! Finally I'll see my angel soar!

I'm glad you understand!

pv: *returns* u-um.. my deepest..apologies g-golden cheese cookie.. I must..um.. go change..

..It would...appear I um.. made a little mess....of myself..

gc: ?????????

s: pfft?

pv: *walks past shadow and and glares at him with his many eyes* come with me. Right now, we NEED to talk.

s: are you blamin' me for your accident? It's not my fault you didn-

pv: I know it was you toying with my body.

you, me, talk, now!

Sorry golden cheese cookie I have to cut our meeting short.. my step minions are sick..

gc: um.. okay??

Ooc: despite everything the meeting actually went well because gc does accept the relationship in the end (even before smilk called her out on her hypocrisy)

[bree-peasant]

One for the Ages - a Kakashi x fem!Reader fic

Chapter 5/5

(Back to Chapter 1, Chapter 4)

Author's note: Thank you guys for following this series! Although this is the last chapter, I have more ideas for these two, so might revisit in the future. In the meantime, if anyone has any requests, I'd be excited to try prompt writing! I hope you enjoy the ending, happy reading! <3

Word count: 2.4k

Summary (from part 1): A new shinobi joins the Konoha ranks and Kakashi finds himself inexplicably drawn to her. Gai also appears in this one!

Warnings: none in this chapter!

Enjoy! ♡

-------------------------------------------------------

Kakashi had tried his best to put Y/N out of his mind throughout the day, but the thought kept pestering him. He kept imagining her laugh, throwing her head back at something Genma said, and he would almost see red at the thought of it. Even worse, the idea of the two of them hooking up, would send him spiralling. As the evening drew nearer, he selfishly decided he needed to intervene.

He felt so guilty spying on them, as they stumbled towards her flat, but more than anything, he was annoyed at the fact that she'd invited him back. Deep down he knew how unfair and irrational his actions were, but he just couldn't stop himself from pressing further.

He hadn't even dropped his book the previous night. He just needed an excuse to interrupt their evening. Kakashi had used a substitution jutsu on a random box he'd found hiding under her bed, in support of his alibi. Despite his shame at how low he had stooped, part of him felt a sense of satisfaction from stepping in and showing the other jōnin who's territory this was. Then again, he had no right to claim Y/N as his own.

Burdened by these contradicting thoughts, Kakashi fled to his usual haunt - the park bench, where he'd bumped into her all those nights ago.

Back at her flat, Y/N sat down heavily. Although feeling mostly sober by now, her thoughts were at a disarray. She was upset by Genma's departure, she thought they had great chemistry and felt disappointed by his easy surrender. Having said that, she couldn't entirely blame the guy. Kakashi's notoriety followed him around, the awful nickname 'friend-killer' on everyone's minds when he walked passed. She wasn't afraid of him, but she could understand Genma not wanting to get on his bad side.

Oh, Kakashi. Just thinking about his antics earlier made her furious. What was he playing at, storming in there like that, pretending he'd spent the night with her. The more she played the scene over in her head, the more riled up she became. His nonchalant tone and sarcastic manners burned inside her mind's eye. He must've done it on purpose. But for what reason?!

Starting to feel herself go crazy, Y/N decided that she needed to confront the gray-haired trickster. And she knew exactly where to find him.

Unsurprisingly, he was in the park as if expecting her. She stormed towards him, unconcerned by the late hour.

"What the hell was that back there?" She demanded, letting her anger loose on him.

"I don't know what you mean." Kakashi acted casual, not looking up from his book.

"Oh please! You and I both know you have a million copies of that book, stashed in your house. This was deliberate!"

"I take it he's left, seeing as you're here, shouting at me."

"I'm not..." she had to consciously lower her voice. "I'm not shouting at you. And yes, what did you expect after that scene you caused. How did you even know he was there?!"

"I hear things." His sarcasm was infuriating.

"Why, Kakashi? What could you have possibly had to gain from embarrassing me like that?"

"Well, if you must know, Genma's a notorious playboy. I didn't think he was good enough for you." He replied, trying to convince himself as much as her that this had been his motivation.

She was astounded by his audacity. Recovering her composure, she spat back at him:

"Frankly, that's none of your business!"

"As your friend, I thought it my duty to intervene and..."

"No!" She cut him off, losing her nerve entirely. "You lost any authority over my lovelife the second you refused to be the focus of it." Her voice was no longer angry, but riddled with sorrow. Refusing to let herself fall apart in front of him, Y/N turned around and ran back to her flat, leaving a guilt-riddled Kakashi behind.

"Oh, boy...what have I done." He sighed into the night.

His earlier satisfaction from achieving his goal had completely disappeared, substituted by shame and regret. He'd recognised the hurt in her voice, forcing him to realise how he'd toyed with her tonight. He put his head in his hands in desperation.

One thing remained unclear to him; why had he done it? He'd acted almost impulsively, refusing to acknowledge a simple truth. Whether he wanted to or not, he was finally faced with an answer - he'd been jealous. Of course, he knew he had feelings for her, but he'd tried so hard to repress them for fear of losing her like so many before, that he'd hardly acknowledged them. And now... In his ignorance, he'd acted foolishly and threatened to lose her anyway.

"I have to fix this." He said to himself, still unsure of his next move.

Over the next few days, the rookie genin teams competed in the preliminary round of the chunin exam, where their numbers were significantly depleted. The remaining kids would go on to face each other in the finals, a month later. The Hokage called an assembly of all chunin and jōnin of the village.

"As you all know, many influential lords and politicians will be joining us during the final stage of the chunin exam. We need to showcase not only our village's strength, but our financial merits as well." The Hokage spoke.

"This is why, we are hosting an event to gain new investors, who will support our shinobi training program. It'll be held in one week, and I have personally invited some of the wealthiest merchants and title holders. I expect you all to attend and work towards charming our guests."

Great, Y/N thought, she only had a month to prepare Shino for the final matches, and now this.

None of the attendees seemed particularly pleased by the news, but one look at the Hokage's stern expression, and they all knew they had to do what was expected of them.

Leaving the meeting auditorium, it was Kakashi's turn to pull Y/N aside.

"Can we talk?" He said. Seeing her reluctance, he added a please at the end of his question.

She sighed and led him to a corner in the hallway, where it was quiet. They hadn't spoken to each other since that awful argument, but it still felt as fresh as the night it happened.

"Y/N, you have to know how sorry I am. I acted stupidly and things got out of control. I never meant to hurt you, truly." Kakashi looked genuinely remorseful as he spoke.

She'd planned on staying mad at him, but his sincerity cracked her stern exterior. There was no point in denying it, she had a soft spot for him, and she would forgive anything. But things couldn't go on like this.

She took a deep breath, letting her guard down.

"I want to be your friend, Kakashi, I really do. But I think we should stop with the late nights and surprise visits...both of us." She trailed off, avoiding his eye. She knew he'd be disappointed, upset even. She knew it, because her own heart was breaking as she spoke.

"We've gotten ourselves so emotionally intertwined, I think we can't lay any boundaries anymore."

He didn't interrupted her, didn't argue. How could he, when what she was saying was the truth.

"We can be friendly around each other... just not in the way we have been so far." She concluded.

Kakashi nodded silently. They remained in place for a moment.

"If that is what you want." He finally spoke, then promptly turned around and walked away.

Y/N sighed. What she had wanted was to be with him, but he'd taken that possibility away. Now it seemed they were both hurting.

The following week passed quickly. Between training with Shino and her other jōnin duties, Y/N had hardly any time to dwell on her recent personal drama, and she was glad for it. Only at night, when sleep would undoubtedly evade her, she desperately wished to see him, fighting the urge to seek him out with all her strength.

"It'll get easier." She kept telling herself, never fully believing it.

Kakashi applied himself vigorously to training Sasuke, even teaching him the chidori. He was somber and quiet the rest of the time, which wasn't unusual for the typically withdrawn copy-ninja, or at least so it seemed on the outside. In truth, he was suffering at the loss of Y/N more than he wanted to admit.

He would roam around the village at night, hoping to bump into her, if even for a second, then quickly hiding at the faintest of sounds, ashamed of his actions. He wanted to respect her wishes, yet his heart ached more and more with each day he kept away. He was beginning to realise that the most foolish thing he had done, was deny his feelings for her. He'd shown her everything, up to his rotten core, and she hadn't looked away. Kakashi loved her for that. Kakashi loved her. But wasn't it too late?

The investor event came along. It was to be held in the assembly halls, with live music, drinks and dancing. Although not entirely willing, the village shinobi put on their best clothes and their brightest smiles, to fulfil their duties for their homeland. Even if those duties were to charm the wealthy businessmen and women, whose money they needed.

Y/N wore her best yukata to the event, her hair neatly pinned back and with flowers tucked in it. As she walked into the brightly lit room, she was met by a dazzling Gai.

"Y/N, you're a vision of spring and beauty!" He said, taking her hand in his. "With your good looks and mine, we're sure to get some hearts racing tonight! And some money in our pockets" He whispered the last statement and winked at her.

She giggled at his usual flamboyance and allowed him to lead her away towards some guests. She was listening to a boring conversation between two merchants and politely smiling along, when she spotted Kakashi walking in. He wore a dark grey hakama over his kimono, which made him stand out in the crowd. Her first thought was how handsome he looked, but she quickly scolded herself over it and instead motioned a wave, when he looked her way. To her surprise, Kakashi didn't respond, but quickly ducked and disappeared amongst the pool of people. She wondered if he maybe hadn't seen her.

As the night began unfolding, music started playing and couples came out on the dance floor. Suddenly, Y/N found herself swarmed with suitors, asking her to dance one after the other. Bound to her duty, she obliged the guests, but every time one of them spun her around, her eyes would seek out Kakashi. And without a doubt, every time her gaze fell upon his, he'd turn away.

A group dance was organised, where couples would join in and switch partners at different intervals. An older gentleman, who traded with ships (or so she was told) asked her to dance. She smiled sweetly and offered him her hand, despite feeling exhausted by this point. At least she'd stumbled upon a good dancer, as he expertly led and twirled her around.

Upon switching partners, she was pulled in by a familiar embrace. Kakashi held her tight, as he maneuvered them both swiftly along the dancefloor.

"He dances." She said, feigning surprise.

"Well, when the Hokage's wife drags you out, it's hard to refuse." Kakashi let out a slight chuckle.

She scoffed at that, the cheerful glint in her eyes betraying her true feelings. It was a relief to see him smile again.

"You've been avoiding me tonight." She said matter-of-factly.

Kakashi cleared his throat.

"I'm surprised you noticed with all the men throwing themselves at you." His voice sarcastic, yet strained.

"Does it bother you?" Her eyes widened in curiosity. She couldn't help but push on.

"Of course it bothers me." His sincerity surprised her. Usually with him, it was all cloak and dagger, so why the sudden reveal? She felt the familiar feelings of confusion and hurt rising up in her.

"You must know by now that none of that matters to me." She whispered, loosing the grip on her emotions somewhat.

"And why not?" His gaze intensely focused on her expression, trying to read it.

"Kakashi..." She hesitated.

"I want to hear you say it." He pressed further leaning into her ear, his voice just above a whisper.

Sensing the exhaustion take over, she felt like she was going to crack. It was too much, being so close to him, wondering if he was toying with her again.

"I... I can't do this!" Y/N pulled away from him, running towards the entrance. A few heads turned to look at Kakashi, eyes filled with curiosity. Kurenai ran over to him.

"What happened?"

"Nothing."

"I better go and check on her." The female jōnin looked concerned.

"No, don't. I'll go after her." He interjected, leaving the dance floor.

Once outside, he spotted her walking away in rushed steps.

"Y/N, wait!" He called after her, running to shorten the distance between them.

She stopped and turned towards him. When he reached her, he could see tears gleaming in the corner of her eyes.

"Wait for what, Kakashi? I can't keeping doing this with you. This back and forth, this game..." She trailed off, her voice shaky.

Kakashi reached his hand and gently wiped her wet cheek.

"Y/N, I've been a fool." Was the only thing he managed to say.

"What on earth do you mean?" She was still angry with him, an anger born out of hurt.

"Denying what my heart has been aching for, this whole time." His palm rested on her cheek, the way hers once had, when he'd shown her the sharingan.

The sorrow in her eyes turned to surprise, then to hope. She leaned into his hand, taking a step closer to him.

"And what is it that you've been aching for?" She asked softly.

Kakashi sighed.

"You know."

"I want to hear you say it." She echoed his words from earlier.

He watched her for a moment, taking in her beautiful, tear-stained face.

"You."

At those words, she closed the remaining distance between them, pulling him into a passionate kiss. Weaving her arms around his neck, his own wrapping around her waist, their bodies intertwined as their lips devoured each other. When they finally pulled back to take a deep breath, they were both smiling widely.

"Take me home, Kakashi." She whispered.

He took her hand in his and led her back, both hearts soaring at the feeling of surrender.

-------------------------------------------------------

@duckingmetal @junksmah @jinnyart06 thank you for your support guys <3

[vintagelasvegas]

Moulin Rouge Hotel & Casino

May 1955, opening week. Photo by Loomis Dean.

Timeline, in progress ...

'54: Mar. 29, Las Vegas City Commission approves construction of Moulin Rouge. The project was launched by a group of partners including New York restaurateur Louis Rubin, Beverly Hills developer Alexander Bisno (Bisno & Bisno), and smaller investors.

'54: Jul. 16, Groundbreaking.

'55: Apr. 6, Fire destroys the "motel wing" (Montmartre Motel) during construction. The fire does not delay the main hotel.

'55: May 24, MR preview opening, and debut Tropi-Can-Can show in the Cafe Rouge Theatre Restaurant; public opening follows on May 26. Owners, the Moulin Rouge Associates, include Bisno, Rubin, Henry Bisno, among a group of over 20. Possible other owners include Joe Louis (2%), Joe West, Aron Blum, Edna Shulman, and Mark Lipsky. African-American staff include Joe Louis, host; Sonny Boswell, former Harlem Globetrotters, general manager; Jimmy Gay of Las Vegas, personnel director. "The hotel portion of the Moulin Rouge is not fully completed as yet" (RJ 5/27/55). MR's "late show" starts from the opening. "There's a great late show every night of the year at Moulin Rouge" (advertisement, RJ 5/24/55)

'55: Jun. 1, first known lawsuit against MR from contractor, Lawrence Hawthorne. (RJ 6/1/55)

'55: Oct. 5, City of Las Vegas threatens MR license unless finances and owners are disclosed.

'55: Oct. 10, MR closes. It is the first major Las Vegas hotel to close, immediately following legal action taken by Bartenders Union Local 165 and Culinary 226 over unpaid wages.

'55: Oct. 19, MR files petition for bankruptcy. A report from proceedings in Jan. '56 says, "Some 300 creditors have $850,000 in claims now pending. Among them, 185 local creditors including engineers, plumbers, electricians [and] employees..." (RJ 1/16/56)

'56: Jan., Montmartre Motel (adjoining the hotel) is open. Whether the motel, operated by Albert Childs, was open prior is unclear. The MR attraction board was moved from the front of the hotel, slightly west to the front of the motel.

'56: Nov. 27, Bankruptcy sale. Lone bid of $470,000 rejected.

'58: Nov., Leo Frey (Leroy Investment Co.) awarded the hotel by court. Frey, “a sizeable investor in the original corporation which owned the hotel and the partnership which operated it” (RJ 11/25/58). Frey is denied gaming license, reopens hotel and coffee shop. Other individuals later denied gaming license “because of unsuitable backgrounds of the landlords Leo, Herbert, and Karl Frey” (RJ 3/21/69).

'85: Joe & Sarann Preddy, and Joe Walker lease Club Rouge and the bar.

'90: Preddy & Walker group takes over ownership from Leroy Co., secures liquor and gaming license.

'92: Moulin Rouge listed on National Register of Historic Places.

'97: Sold to Bart Maybie.

'03: Fire destroys much of the property.

'04: Moulin Rouge Development Corp. buys property.

'08: MRD Corp. files for bankruptcy.

'09: Olympic Coast Investment takes ownership; another fire; sign donated and moved to Neon Museum; tower demolished in 2010.

'12: OCI files bankruptcy.

'17: Fire; last remains of MR and Montemartre Motel demolished.

Photos of Moulin Rouge

Entertainment. The Tropi-Can-Can Revue was the Moulin Rouge's featured entertainment, no headliner. Las Vegas resorts usually had two shows per evening, or a third late show on weekends. Moulin Rouge's Tropi-Can-Can included a late show every night – 8 PM, 11 PM and 2 AM. The revue in May 1955 included Stump and Stumpy, The Platters (Reed, Lynch, Williams, Robi, Taylor), Timmie Rogers, Margie McGlory, Teddy Hale, The Honey-Tones, Ann Weldon, Bob Bailey as master of ceremonies, and 20-27 dancers (sources vary) including Delcenia Boyd (16 years old), Norma Tolbert, Dee Dee Jasmin, Mary Louise Randolph, and Anna Bailey (28 y/o). The Platters recorded their hit version of "Only You" a month before the opening of Moulin Rouge, and the record was released summer '55.

Moulin Rouge Show Girls Arrive in Vegas. Review-Journal, 5/9/55.

5/23/55 – Jay Florian Mitchell Photo Collection, Nevada State Museum.

Sources include: City to Hear Both Sides. Review-Journal, 7/6/54 p2; Vegas' Newest Hotel Moulin Rouge Opens. Review-Journal, 5/25/55 p3; Capacity Crowd. Review-Journal, 5/27/55 p1; City Threatens Moulin Rouge License Over Ownership Fuss. Review-Journal, 10/5/55; Another Suit Against Spa. Review-Journal, 10/7/55 p3; Moulin Rouge Re-Financing Sought After Casino is Closed. Review-Journal, 10/11/55; No Action Against Spa Licenses. Review-Journal, 10/20/55; Businessmen Watching Events at Moulin Rouge. Review-Journal, 1/16/56; Couple trades parcel of land to get Moulin Rouge Hotel. Review Journal, 1/26/90; Earnest N. Bracey. Winter ‘96. The Moulin Rouge Mystique: Blacks and Equal Rights in Las Vegas, Nevada Historical Society Quarterly, Vol. 39, No. 4, p. 272-288; Nicole Raz. Light Touch Needed. Review Journal, 8/7/2016; An Interview with Katherine M. Joseph (OH-00979), Mary Louise Williams oral history interview (OH-01991), and Anna Bailey oral history interview (OH-00096), UNLV Special Collections & Archives; William H. “Bob” Bailey. Looking Up: Finding My Voice in Las Vegas (2009).

[enbysiriusblack]

december jily bingo: there's only one bed @jilychallenge

December

"There's only one bed", Sirius shrugged with a small smirk, "Sorry."

James took a glance to Lily's growing red face and turned back to Sirius.

"I can just sleep on the sofa down here."

"Nope", Sirius grinned, "Prometheus claimed it."

James and Lily glanced over the black cat curled up in Remus' lap.

"I can share with her", James shrugged.

Prometheus opened her eyes and hissed as soon as James spoke.

"Well, that's a no", Sirius gave a proud look to his cat.

"No worries", James tried again, "You and me can just bunk."

Sirius tilted his head and winced, "Well, me and Remus are actually sharing a room. We've both been quite busy lately so we need the alone time."

Lily shrugged, "Fine. I can go with Mary and Peter, and James can have the room all to himself."

"Oh", James frowned, "No, I'll bunk with them, you have the room. You deserve it, you've been working so hard all term."

Sirius rolled his eyes, "Neither of you are joining them. Pete's trying to get with Mary and you'll ruin his little romantic plan."

Peter turned towards him from his spot on the sofa and mouthed to Sirius, 'What the fuck?'

James scratched his head, "I thought he was gay?"

"He is", Lily huffed.

Sirius tutted, "Don't put the gays in a box."

James frowned slightly, "I don't think that's-"

"Time to show you to your room", Sirius interrupted, pushing James towards the staircase, Lily following suit.

It was on the first landing, behind a walnut brown door with a shiny golden doorknob. Sirius opened the door with a cheeky grin, allowing the two exes to step into their shared holiday bedroom.

○

June

"You're a git, James Potter!" Lily yelled.

"Oh yeah?" James shouted back.

"Yeah!"

He scoffed, "Well at least I know how to have fun!"

Lily threw her hands up in agitation, "That's not fun! What about that was fun?"

"Uh- All of it?" He shook his head, "Literally everyone in that classroom was laughing except you!"

"Because it was the middle of my exam! It was important!"

James huffed, "Please, you were hungover in your previous exam."

"And who's fault was that?"

"Because I threw a party? I'm sorry I wanted to celebrate my birthday!"

"By having a party with only drinking games! And you knew I had an exam the next morning!"

"How is that my fault? Oh my god, Lily, you know you make your own decisions, right? I've literally never forced you to do anything!"

"Well that isn't what I'm saying, can you just listen to me and not get so fucking defensive for once?"

"I'm listening! What? What are you saying?"

"I'm saying you're immature!"

"Oh!" James laughed, "Oh, of course! I'm always going to be stupid, immature, Potter, always making a mess of things, aren't I?"

"Well what do you call this morning, James?" Lily scoffed, "Because I call that embarrassing me in front of my teacher, ruining my entire classes' exam, and making a fool of yourself to get pity laughs from people you don't even know!"

"It was funny!" James yelled, "You were stressed out so I thought it'd release some tension, make it easier!"

"It's an exam!" Lily shouted, "You're meant to be stressed out."

Sirius walked into the kitchen, "Uh, guys. We can all hear you."

Lily and James glanced over, seeing their entire friend group staring at them from the lounge.

Lily huffed, "I'm done", She grabbed the plate of nachos that had been sitting there for a while and joined their friends.

"What does that mean?" James yelled after her.

○

December

James sat awkwardly on the edge of the double bed, glancing at the closed door to their bathroom every now and then.

He had grabbed the blankets and pillows from the sofa downstairs and laid them out on the floor as a makeshift bed.

Lily stepped out of the bathroom a moment later, dressed in her pyjamas, hair tied up in plaits, and her retainer put in. She spotted the set up James had made.

"What's that?"

"Oh", He stood up off the bed, "I-uh. I thought it might be a bit awkward to share, so I thought you'd prefer if I slept there."

Lily made her way over to the bed, "Just get in", she nodded towards the bed.

"You sure?"

She shrugged, "It's just a bed. Plus it's freezing, you won't just get a sore back if you sleep on the floor, you'll catch a cold."

James placed his glasses on the bedside table and slid in after her. They stared up at the dark ceiling, frozen next to each other.

Lily spoke up after a minute, "Thanks for planning this trip for us all."

"It was mostly Sirius."

"Just say you're welcome, James."

"You're welcome."

Lily smiled and turned to face him, "How have you've been? Just- I don't think we've really properly talked since... you know."

James stayed silent a moment before replying, turning to look at her too, albeit quite blurry.

"I'm okay. Now, I guess. Had a chemistry exam just the other day, I think it went well, I studied for it quite a lot."

"Are you trying to prove to me you're mature and care about your education so I'll get back together with you?"

James huffed, "No. I was just talking to you."

"Oh, sorry."

"I'm actually seeing someone."

"You are?" Lily frowned.

"Ish", James hummed, "We've just been talking really, nothing exclusive. He's uh- he's seeing other people too."

Lily nodded.

"Are you?" James began to ask.

"No, no", She shook her head, "No one's really caught my eye, I suppose."

James grinned, "I left you with impossibly high standards, huh?"

Lily laughed, "Yeah, that's it. No one can fill the shoes of James Potter."

James glanced back up to the ceiling with a smile, a serious tone in his voice as he spoke, "No one can fill the shoes of Lily Evans."

Lily's smile faded slightly and the two laid in silence for a moment.

"I'm sorry", she quietly spoke into the darkness.

"For what?"

"Breaking up with you for such a stupid reason... I know you're not the immature git you were at fifteen. I didn't mean what I said back then, you know? I was just stressed about the exams and Petunia's dumb wedding and everything."

"Yeah, no", James sniffled, "I- uh. I barely remember what you said anyway."

"James", Lily sighed.

He stayed silent.

"Don't do that", she carried on, "I know you, you don't have to show off your macho masculinity to me."

James chuckled, "I don't do that."

"Right", she snorted.

"I didn't mean it either, you know?" James turned back to her.

"No, its", Lily shook her head, "I'm aware I'm not the life of the party or anything."

"Well, no" James frowned, "But you are fun. Just because you care about studying and your future and everything doesn't mean you aren't fun. I mean you're the one that came up with 'Egg the Loser'!"

Lily laughed, "I kinda just wanted to throw an egg on Marlene's head, honestly. Plus I knew I'd never lose a game of hot sauce vodka shots, so I'd never be the loser."

James laughed with her, "It's a brilliant game. And you know, before we were friends with you, we always rang out of food and drinks within the first hour of our parties. But you always manage to plan it all out exactly."

Lily smiled at him, "I missed you."

○

June

"I thought she was the love of your life?" Remus questioned.

James shrugged, "She is."

"But you've broken up", Sirius huffed, "And your plan is to do nothing."

"We just didn't work out."

"But you never give up with Lily", Sirius pressed on, "Or with anything, really."

James shrugged again, "We decided to just be friends. And I'm fine with that."

Sirius frowned, "Because we ran into her exam pretending to stab each other? I gave that long red scarf thing we used as blood to her teacher and he loved it, I saw him wearing it just the other day."

"It was immature", James stuffed his hands into his pockets.

Sirius scoffed, "It was a joke, I swear I saw her smiling."

"Apparently not."

"So when are you getting back together?" Peter asked.

"We're not", James sulked, "We're just friends and that's all we're going to be from now on."

Sirius glanced to his friend in disbelief.

○

December

As the clock passed 3am, the rest of the house was fast asleep. James and Lily continued to talk in the dark, not noticing the hours fade past.

"I'd like for us to be closer."

James glanced to her, only really seeing a dark blurry shape, but he fixated on it nonetheless, "Closer friends."

Lily smiled after a moment, "Yeah, sure, that."

James bit his lip slightly, "I know we agreed to have the summer apart and get over each other and when we got back to school we'd be friends and be able to hang out. But, it's taking me a lot longer to get over you, I suppose. I know I've kinda been avoiding you a bit since September but the summer just flew by and even now you're just constantly on my mind. So I don't think we can, be closer friends I mean. I think it just might hurt too much, I'm sorry."

Lily felt for James' hand and clutched it, "No, I understand. I didn't really get over you by the end of summer either. I mean I've still got your things in my apartment, not even like shoved in a box, it's just all out. I mean I wear your jumper practically every other night... I don't know why I just admitted that."

James let out a laugh, "It's sweet. It's comforting, I suppose. To know I'm not the only one of us who's a complete dork stuck in the past."

Lily stroked his thumb in thought, "I always liked that about us - the whole romantic dorks thing."

"Same", James smiled, "We were a good match."

"Yeah", Lily breathed out.

They turned away from each other, facing opposite sides of the room but their hands still interlocked beneath the duvet.

James began to turn around, "Lily, I think-"

She reached forwards, holding his face and kissing him.

She let go after a moment.

"Sorry."

James reached over and kissed her back immediately.

They snogged for a while, consumed in the longing from the absence of each other.

"Hold on", James breaked apart for a moment, hands on Lily's waist as he frowned in realisation, "I booked this house with Sirius and we made sure there was four bedrooms."

Lily laughed, "You want to go sleep in the spare room then?"

"Absolutely not", he grinned.

[bountycancelled]

LOST CAUSE

bada x reader (part 1)

MASTERLIST | NEXT

warnings: none really, it's just kinda sad

content: petnames (only one is used in reference to reader, but a few are mentioned) alcohol mentions (reader drinks away her feels) sad gays and bad gays, unedited becusse I'm lazy, a whole lotta projecting myself onto reader

being bada's best friend would be the death of you, you were calling it right now.

she wasn't a bad friend by any means, quite the opposite actually. from the late night talks that would last until the early mornings before you both passed out, the tiny, sentimental gifts she would randomly get for you without expecting anything in return, to the way she would hold you, god, she was perfect. you loved everything about her.

but, that was the problem, wasn't it? you loved her. and a part of you wants to blame her for making it so easy, falling for her, but you know that would be unfair. not only because she wasn't leading you on or anything, but also because she couldn't do any wrong in your eyes.

everytime your heart fluttered at one of her actions, it would sink just as quickly. she's doing this as a friend, you would always remind yourself. but your not so friendly reminders didn't stop you from hoping. for something more, that one day, miracously, bada would realise that she was in lo–

"what's got you so worried?" you were pulled out of your daily dose of dramatic reality checking by none other than bada. her head was in your lap, she stared up at you with a look that you could only describe as... content. comfortable. and so, so beautiful.

"huh?" you answered, having not heard her clearly, too busy being in your head instead of in the real world, where unfortunately, you belonged.

she raised her arm and pressed on the space between your eyebrows, a small pout on her face. "you're frowning. what's wrong, pretty?"

the nicknames. the fucking. nicknames.

pretty, gorgeous, baby, love, honey. it was things like that made you believe, even if just for a moment, that she knew that you liked her, loved her, and was just toying with you for enjoyment.

you'd feel guilty everytime you had that thought. she wouldn't. not to you, not to anyone, not ever.

"it's nothing, really. I'm just in a mood today." you shrugged, hoping that she would, for your sake, take your half-hearted explanation and leave it there.

she nodded, clearly unconvinced, but moved one nonetheless. "do you still wanna go to the club tonight? we can cancel and spend the night together instead." she offered, lifting her head off of your lap in favour of placing it on your shoulder, waiting for your answer.

"no, we can still go, we'll just come back here together. we've blown off our friends enough times, I'm starting to feel bad." you joked, and once again, the atmosphere was light and airy. with that settled, you both stood up, trying to find something to wear for the nights activities.

you walked into her closet, sprinkled with tops and skirts from your own, almost laughing at the absurdity of the situation. for someone who claimed that being around bada was painful, your personal stamp on her home sure made it hard to believe.

"how's this?" you said for what felt like the 29th time to bada (it was only the third) as you spun around for her, showing off one of your options for the night.

she sat at the edge of the bed, ready to go about 20 minutes before you, as she usually was. her head was tilted back, staring at the ceiling as she waited patiently for you to finally choose something to wear.

you tried not to stare at her neck, which she made easier for you by finally looking at you, tilting her head to the side as she inspected your outfit.

"I was gonna say its looks as good as the other two because you look amazing in anything and everything, but... I like this one. a lot."

the way she looked at you when she said that, with her bottom lip between her teeth, stayed with you as you walked to the club together, hand in hand. did she really have no idea how much she affected you? you weren't sure if you hoped that she didn't, or did.

but you weren't going to think of that tonight. you were going to drink, and dance, and hang out with your friends, and not let bada affect you. if only for just one night.

okay, maybe you had had one too many drinks by now, but you weren't drunk just yet. it was still the normal you, just with a few tweaks. a little less shame here, a little more confidence here, nothing too major.

you were half in minah's lap and half in tatters, singing obnoxiously, almost as loud as the song blasting from the speakers. you weren't even thinking of bada... wait, where the hell was bada?

you squinted your eyes as they darted across the dance floor, hopelessly trying to locate her in the dim lighting of the club. but you didn't have to look for long, because she was headed back to your table, a smile painted on her face.

you stood up, suprisingly not stumbling as you walked up to her, wrapping your arms around her shoulders. "where were you?" you shouted over the music, wearing a curious expression.

she bit her lip excitedly before speaking into your ear, sending involuntary shivers down your spine. damn you and your natural charm, bada.

"I met a girl." you didn't mean for your face to drop in the way that it did, but from the looks of it, bada didn't even notice. if she did, then she didn't mention it.

"she actually wants to come over to my place..." bada trailed off, sending you a pleading look, a certain lust-driven glee shining in her eyes.

"oh." you said flatly before you could stop yourself, moving your arms away from her and crossing them over your chest.

she quickly wrapped her arms around your middle, squeezing while pleading her case in an effort to soften the blow. it doesn't help, not one bit.

"I know we were supposed to have a binging marathon, but please baby? just this once? I'll make it up to you real good, you know I always do." 'because I always let you.' you wanted to add, but you bit your tongue, you weren't feining for a fight with bada right about now.

you sigh, your arms hanging limply by your sides. "okay. I'll just crash at lushers'." you fight the urge to gag as she squeals in excitement, at the prospect of spending the night with someone who isn't you.

she gave you a curious look, most likely sensing your jealousy apprehension, her arms still around you, feeling more suffocating than comforting at that moment.

"...are you sure?" no. I'm not, don't go with her.

you nodded furiously, removing her arms from your frame, and turning her around, pushing her toward the dance floor where she had left her pursuit for the night. "go, she'll think you're blowing her off if you keep talking to me."

"are you actually, super, one hundred percent certain that I can go with her?" she pushed you further, and you knew that she knew that you weren't really all that okay with it.

but what was the point? you could easily sway her into sticking to the original plan, but she would've spent the whole night daydreaming about what could've been with the mysterious girl at the club. you didn't want to deal with that. you were tired of feeling like a second choice.

you wanted her to choose you, because she wanted to choose you. not because you asked her to.

'no, I'm not sure. I don't want you to go with her. I want you to choose me for once. choose me.' you screamed in your own mind, but all that could be seen on the outside was you smiling the best you could at bada, nodding once more before walking back to where the rest of your group sat, downing the drink in front of you.

you didn't know if it was even yours, but it didn't matter to you right now.

minah noticed your sudden change in mood, holding your hand in hers in a silent attempt to comfort you. you squeezed it as means of expressing gratitude, you didn't wanna talk about it.

but, you didn't need to. she knew, and if the downright pitiful looks the rest of the group were throwing your way were anything to go by, it seemed that everyone else knew too.

you wanted to leave, so you left. lusher had no problem going home early with you, she could tell that you weren't in a good headspace. you left with lushers arms around you, half to make sure that you didn't stumble, and half to try to make you feel a little better.

you left with a bitter taste in your mouth, and not from the shitty drinks you were downing.

you left without saying goodbye to bada, which you never did. she waved when she saw you by the door, that big smile still evident even in the dark lighting.

you didn't wave back.

a/n: this wasn't planned, and I wrote it in a day, but I hope you guys like it. also, doing a bada series and and a bada smau at the same time isn't my brightest idea, but fuck it, we ball.

[grahamkennedy]

"Who the fuck was Graham Kennedy and why the fuck do you care so much?"

Glad you asked (or didn't)! I'm kind of sick of me just plastering a link to his Wikipedia page on my pinned post and not actually explaining my kinda niche special interest to followers and mutuals and why the hell it became one. Not quite a primer, more like a personal essay.

The TL;DR is that Graham Kennedy was an Australian television comedian, variety show compere, game show host, actor, and a whole bunch of other things. He was hugely influential in midcentury Australia, one of the most highly awarded personalities in our local television industry, and while largely forgotten now, used to be so famous in this country that they gave him the title 'The King'. Like Elvis if he made dick jokes for a living and was also, like, insanely gay. Like really, really fucking gay.

Intrigued? Probably not but let me explain myself and his personal significance to me more autistically under a read more anyway

(The main source I use for information below is the brilliant book King: The Life and Comedy of Graham Kennedy by Graeme Blundell)

Graham Kennedy was a name that kind of floated around my periphery for much of my childhood. My dad is a Baby Boomer so I knew of him, but not much about him. In my early teens I first encountered the game show Blankety Blanks, on late night cable, and it became a comfort show for me in some of my darkest moments. It was bawdy, crude, and not particularly cerebral, so it was perfect background noise for me.

It wasn't until a hyperfixation in the show The Newsreader (a show set in an 80s Australian newsroom) popped up that he became a significant part of my life. I began researching important figures in Australian television and his name kept coming up over and over again.

He intrigued me. He was lowbrow, irreverent, controversial, and often extremely camp. His personal life was gutwrenchingly tragic, which made me both incredibly sad but instantly curious.

And what really drew me in was that often, his comedy was just so extremely queer. What do you mean, that one of the biggest celebrities in this country used to be a man who would flirt with male costars, kiss them on air, fondle miniature statues of David, and strut around in a sparkly suit and huge crown like this?

Kennedy never publicly came out, but he alluded so heavily to his own sexuality that it felt like queer performance art largely ignored. No one seemed to talk about how his work itself was gay as hell, the narrative around his sexuality seemed to be that he was simply ashamed of it and that's why he never came out as gay. But I asked myself, why would anyone who was disgusted by who they were wink and nudge so heavily, be so homoerotic? It seemed weird to view Kennedy's closet as one made of shame. The public certainly seemed to know he was gay.

The thing is, Kennedy was not treated well by the television industry, especially in the early days of his career. He was over worked, and scrutinised by his bosses and the public for his perceived effeminacy. One coworker, writer Hugh Stuckey, claimed to see actual physical abuse by a program manager on Kennedy's first variety show, In Melbourne Tonight (or IMT, as it was often shortened to) because he was too effeminate. He was stalked and harassed by fans, and forced to fake dates and hint at relationships with female costars. He was scared to go into his backyard because people would be peering over his fence.

In the last years of his life, he would tell one of his closest friends, Tony Sattler, that he never should have done IMT, the show which made him famous. The years on TV, the constant scrutiny, lack of privacy, lack of creative control, and a disastrous and unfulfilling love life compounded. He became bitter, angry and cruel, and the way he treated those he worked with as his career reached it's end could be absolutely abhorrent. He retired to the Australian bush, became a recluse, and essentially drank himself to death over a period of 15 years.

It felt to me like society had failed this man, who was, yes, complicated, and not exactly perfect, but who had been hurt so much by the industry he worked in. And when people talked about his comedy, they didn't talk about brave it was to be so outwardly flamboyant and bawdy and homoerotic when people cared so much about this man's sexuality.

Some of his comedy is extremely dated. Some of it really doesn't stand the test of time. But some of it feels like the jokes gay friends make to each other around the table at the end of a house party. It wasn't gay in a polished and digestible way, it was gay in a crude and very REAL way.

(I have a short compilation of gay jokes I love here.)

As of the time of writing, I've been obsessed with this man for a little over a year. I've collected books, magazines, DVDs (I have 16 individual DVDs of his work), and even an LP he recorded in 1973 (one of the worst albums of recorded music I have ever heard, btw). I have written poetry about him, I'm in the middle of making a video essay about him, I have introduced countless people to this guy who has intrigued in a way no other celebrity, living or dead, ever has.

And so. I actually decided to make a post that answers, at a little bit, the question above. Now you hopefully know a little bit about who the fuck Graham Kennedy was, and why the fuck I care so much.

^ If you read this whole thing I'm doing this to you

[onmyo-jin]

38 they're running out of time

ZYC/ZYZ/WX

I want more about their on point gay throuple dynamic. I was tempted by 7 to shut them up bc ZYZ's mouth gets him in trouble but ultimately I'm an angst person 😅 who's kissing who everyone kissing everyone whatever works i just like their dynamic 😩

No big deal tho if the throuple dynamic isn't smth that inspires you!!

OKAY SO I wasn't going to because I couldn't handle writing more pain along the lines of what the show gave us... except. Except I thought: what if I took the prompt literally, and made a modern AU? and then this happened

Zhou Yichen is usually the first to wake up, without even needing to set an alarm (or twenty) on his phone. Wen Xiao and Zhao Yuanzhou have something of a competition going to see who can sleep in the longest without being late for work. They seem to have a similarly foolish competition going to see who can stay up the latest. Neither of them seems to be winning, although both of them would surely object if Zhuo Yichen said that out loud.

Yichen isn't sure which of these 'competitions' is worse, but as long as they let him get his required eight hours of what zhao Yuanzhou calls 'his beauty sleep' he will leave them to their madness. Zhao Yuanzhou would also say the beauty sleep is working, and that his Zhuo-daren is looking particularly beautiful this day. Then he'd pout and tilt his head towards Zhuo Yichen until he condescends to kiss the idiot. Really, who calls people 'daren' in this day and age? You can tell studying history does weird things to people just from that.

Today starts just horribly, despite Zhuo Yichen's eight hours of sleep. It is pleasantly light outside when Zhuo Yichen wakes. The sun is shining down brightly, valiantly trying to warm the fresh snow in a way that spells 'icy' rather than 'melting'. Their giant bed (Zhao Yuanzhou insists on calling it a nest) is empty, for once leaving Yichen enough space to stretch. Usually when Zhuo Yichen wakes he has to carefully untangle himself from two sets of limbs. The only reason he manages that is because they usually attach themselves onto each other, allowing him to escape to freedom. Usually when Zhuo Yichen wakes, it is still dark outside.

For a moment he closes his eyes, hoping in vain that this is just a bad dream. When he opens his eyes again the sun is still brightly announcing his tardiness to the world, and neither of his spouses has appeared beside him. Zhuo Yichen grabs his phone from the headboard and sees the worst: he is, in fact, running late.

Well. Late by his own standards. By Zhao Yuanzhou's standards he'd be perfectly on time, because university professors get to make their own rules, or something. By Wen Xiao's standards this might still count as late, if only for the time wasted while not researching her latest creature obsessions. Zhuo Yichen forgets what the tardigrade of the day was called that she is studying just now.

Unfortunately large security companies do not run themselves, and being the CEO does not absolve him from normal business hours regardless of what certain university types may claim.

Zhuo Yichen forces himself to stop staring at the inevitability that is the hour and forces himself to move. The room is still night-cold and he breaks out in goosebumps before he can take two steps from the lovely warm bed. He longs for his usual shower, but considering the time it will have to wait until the evening. Zhuo Yichen quickly grabs some clothes– the advantage of wearing 'boring' colours (source: Zhao Y., Wen X., et al.) is he doesn't have to think about what to wear.

He is still combing his hair into some semblance of order when he steps into the living room, and freezes. Wen Xiao has fallen asleep at the dining table, half a library of books surrounding her and her now-dead laptop. There is a blanket draped over her shoulders, and a certain fiend snoring in the one chair that affords a good view of the dining table (and Wen Xiao). Judging by the blanket it would seem that Zhao Yuanzhou won their latest round of 'who can stay up the latest'. 

On his way past he makes sure to kick Zhao Yuanzhou's chair. The man jolts awake annoyingly gracefully, and blinks owlishly at the room for several seconds while Yichen stalks on into the kitchen to get his coffee. He doesn't like skipping breakfast, but if he also skips coffee he may murder someone in traffic before he ever gets to the office. He sets the coffee machine for a triple espresso and decides to raid the fridge for something quick and portable while it works its magic. He turns around, and runs bodily into Zhao Yuanzhou, who has materialized behind him. The great demon wraps his arms around Zhuo Yichen, presses a noisy kiss to his cheek and then searches Zhuo Yichen's face: "What was that for, hm? What have I done wrong now?"

Zhuo Yichen pouts, and looks away from those omniscient eyes to hide his embarrassment. He had no reason to wake Da Yao, not really. It's just… "I don't like waking up alone. The bed is too big." It sounds petulant. It is petulant. It's also more honest than he wanted to be, but that's what people get for asking questions before he's had his coffee.

"Ah, Xiao Zhuo, I'm sorry! I didn't want to wake Wen Xiao, and then I didn't want to wake you, and it was so late and the chair was so comfortable…" Zhao Yuanzhou's wide eyes and convincingly innocent face no longer fool Zhuo Yichen. "Will you forgive this one?" Or at least: they no longer fool him most of the time. This time he will blame the coffee.

He wraps an arm around Zhao Yuanzhou, and presses a kiss to his jaw. "Fine. This once, you are forgiven. Now let me get some breakfast before I have to run, please?"

"Run? Is today a gym day? Please tell me I'm not missing a gym day??" Zhao Yuanzhou is not a sports type. He is the effortlessly skinny but eats for three type. He only cares about gym days because he enjoys seeing Zhuo Yichen sweaty and tired– and enjoys giving him massages (and more) after he returns from the gym pleased and exhausted.

"Today is an I'm running late day," Yichen pulls a grimace. He manages to unstick Yuanzhou far enough that he can reach the fridge, and looks at the appallingly empty state of it. That's what happens when one of your best friends is a professional chef who enjoys feeding his friends. There are more drinks and sauces than edible things in the fridge. Accepting a bad morning and an early lunch, Zhuo Yichen gives up on the fridge and returns to his coffee– only to have a banana waved in his face.

Wen Xiao is still sporting her blanket, her hair in a messy bun and her blouse irrevocably wrinkled from sleep. She also looks very smug. "Take this for breakfast, you terrible early riser."

No banana has ever looked better, so Zhuo Yichen has to kiss her about it. Their lips meet first with enthusiasm, then with lack-of-sleep languor, until she presses the banana against his chest. "Don't make me want to keep you in bed Xiao Zhuo."

"Thanks, Wen-jie," he says to the one who saved his morning.

Zhao Yuanzhou has decided to be helpful (a suspicious occurrence), and hands him his mug of espresso. "What if we did keep him here today," he leers. He does not act on this threat (promise?) but for old times' sake Zhuo Yichen will act offended. It does sound rather tempting, but even a lack of coffee cannot make him that honest. Just in case, he downs his coffee first.

"You will not, you demon," he scoffs. It is a nickname more than an insult by now, in in-joke from back when Zhuo Yichen was convinced he was somehow cursed or haunted or both by Zhao Yuanzhou. The man seemed to be able to follow him anywhere, appearing at the most inconvenient times. The truth, he has since learned, is that his own schedule is perhaps a little bit predictable.

"Very well," his demon heaves a very put-upon sigh, and wraps an arm around Wen Xiao instead. "We shall release you for today." Wen Xiao is nodding along, and suddenly they're all laughing. It takes several minutes for the laughter to fade and for Zhuo Yichen to catch his breath.

"Go on then, off with you," Wen Xiao chides gently, her eyes sparkling up at him. "We'll join you in bed tonight–" "–If not necessarily for sleeping," Zhao Yuanzhou adds cheerfully, earning an elbow in his ribs from Wen Xiao. She reaches out for Yichen, and he lets his hand be captured. She pulls him into another kiss, this one less languid and filled with much more promises. When she breaks the kiss he does not get to catch his breath: Zhao Yuanzhou is there immediately to steal the rest of his oxygen, his kiss fiery and his teeth nipping at Zhuo Yichen's lips, begging, demanding entry. Yichen does not see what happens, but he suspects another elbow has met Zhao Yuanzhou's ribs when he abruptly breaks the kiss.

"See you tonight, Xiao Zhuo," they promise, and Zhuo Yichen knows today will pass entirely too slowly until he makes it back home.

[crazydestinymilkshake]

Caitlin Clark x Kate Martin Ch 5.

Disclaimer: This is my first time writing a fic! Any feedback is welcome. Friends -> lovers, Caitlin's gay-awakening. I obviously don't own any of the rights to these characters etc. Previous chapters had songs / music, dropped that for this one. NSFW, mostly light smut, fluff, you're not getting all you want, yet, it's a slow burn kids. Previous chapters below.

Kate

Kissing Caitlin was like nothing she’d ever felt before.

They burst into Kate’s apartment, laughter still clinging to their shoulders alongside the sweat. Caitlin had been here a hundred times in the five months they’d been together in Iowa City; after practice, late-night takeout, movie marathons. But tonight was different. Her smile was softer. Hungrier. It tugged at something deep and molten in Kate’s stomach.

Kate crossed to the kitchen and poured two glasses of water, trying to buy herself a second to breathe. When she handed one of the glasses to Caitlin, their fingers brushed—she didn’t let go. 

Caitlin drank slowly, deliberately, her eyes never leaving Kate’s. The silence between them buzzed: electric and unbearable. 

Caitlin set the glass down without breaking eye contact, and took a step forward. “Kate?” She asked, voice low and wrecked and full of something Kate didn’t dare name.

Kate’s chest ached. “Yeah?”

Caitlin didn’t answer. She just reached out—fingertips tentative, like she was asking permission with her touch. Kate didn’t move. She couldn’t. Every inch of her body waited.

Then Caitlin kissed her. Again.

And it was nothing like the first time.

It wasn’t sweet or gentle. It wasn’t rushed, but it wasn’t soft. It was certain—it hit Kate like a truth that had been aching to be spoken for months.

Kate surged into her. Kissed her back, harder, deeper. She grabbed Caitlin’s waist and pulled her closer until the space between them collapsed completely. She expertly navigated her tongue between Caitlin’s lips, keeping her hands attached. She could feel the smaller girl shaking slightly: not from nerves—from need. Every kiss landed like a promise. 

Kate was sure to let Caitlin lead. She had to. She was terrified of pushing too far, too fast—terrified of breaking something so fragile and new. But if Caitlin had never done this before, she wasn’t showing it. She kissed with purpose. Like she knew exactly what she wanted and couldn’t wait any longer to claim it. 

They stumbled into the living room. Kate’s back hit the couch. Caitlin climbed into her lap, legs on either side, grounding her in a way that made Kate feel like the ground had disappeared beneath her. 

With Caitlin’s body weight on top of her, something shifted in Kate, something feral and electric. She hadn’t expected this—not from Caitlin, not from herself—but now that it was happening, it felt inevitable. Caitlin’s weight on her lap grounded her, making everything sharper. Every breath, every heartbeat, every inch of skin suddenly mattered. Her hands found Caitlin’s thighs, firm beneath denim, thumbs almost pressing hard enough to bruise.

Their hands explored each other’s bodies — over their clothes, at first slowly, but then fervently. Caitlin’s hands moved from Kate’s neck to rifle through her hair, not pulling, but holding on. Caitlin kissed her like it hurt, surprised when Kate bit down lightly on her lower lip. Caitlin gasped and pulled her in closer; she couldn’t get close enough. Kate slid deeper into Caitlin's skin. Danced her hands under Caitlin’s crewneck and found warm, bare, precious skin. The sound that left her throat unsolicited was half gasp, half growl.

Feeling the heat rise between them, feeling that tension rise in her stomach, Kate pulled back, just enough to look into the dark brown eyes staring a hole into her.

“Is this okay?”

Caitlin nodded, breathless. “Yeah. It’s more than okay.” Kate smiled, kissed her again, and everything that had been simmering between them finally spilled over. 

Kate let herself fall into it. She parted her lips. She arched into Caitlin. She pressed her fingers beneath the hem of Caitlin’s crewneck and let them linger just at the warm edge of skin, holding space between her waistband and the bottom edges of her shirt. The couch creaked beneath them, but neither moved to stop.

And in the blur of it—tongues, teeth, breath—Kate thought: this is happening. Finally, Finally, her.

She wanted to give Caitlin everything she asked for. Maybe even more than that.

With Caitlin’s legs wrapped around her, denim pushing down on denim, Kate felt a familiar heat spread inside her center. They ground into each other, breaths shortening, eyes closing, feeling the tension build. “Kate…” Caitlin growled in a deep tone she’d never heard from her before. “Kate, we need to, I need to…” Kate looked up at Caitlin on top of her, eyes half-shut, with her neck tilted back. “Kate…” Caitlin’s voice broke. “Kate, I need—can we just—I’m so fucking…” “Can we slow down? ” 

Kate froze, pulling back suddenly, but not far; just enough to look into Caitlin’s eyes which were flushed and glazed over. Her mouth was trembling. She was so beautiful. “Of course,” she said, steady and low. “We’ll slow down. I’m here with you, Caitlin, just me and you,  Whatever you need.” she whispered into her right ear.

She was about to shift back, give Caitlin space, when Caitlin grabbed her wrists.

“Kate…” Caitlin looked directly into her eyes and without missing a beat demanded: “I said slow, not stop.” 

That wrecked Kate. Seeing how badly this girl needed her —God. She didn’t know what she expected Caitlin to say, but it wasn’t that. It wasn’t the hunger behind her voice or the way her hands gripped Kate’s shoulders like they were the only thing tethering her to earth.

She let out a sound she didn’t recognize. Something unhinged and reverent. “Okay,” she whispered. “Okay.”

She didn’t rush. She didn’t push. She just kissed Caitlin slowly—deeper, lazier, like they had all night and no one was watching. Because they did have all night, and indeed, no one was watching. Caitlin’s hips rolled forward again, tentative at first, then firmer, seeking friction. A low noise slipped from Kate’s throat before she could stop it. “Caitlin, baby, you feel so good.” 

They moved in rhythm, bodies taut, hips grinding in perfect sync. Foreheads pressed together. Breath mingling. Caitlin moaned softly, the sound vibrating through Kate’s spine, her fingers tingling with anticipation and the good kind of anxiety.

Caitlin’s fingers gripped the back of Kate’s neck, threading into her hair. Her thighs tightened around Kate’s hips as they moved in sync, slow and dizzying, denim against denim. Not enough, but almost. And right now, almost was everything.

“I’ve wanted this,” Caitlin whispered, her voice wrecked. “I didn’t know how bad until now.”

Kate’s hands roamed Caitlin’s back beneath her sweatshirt, fingers splayed across the small of her spine, holding her there. “You don’t have to explain. I know.” 

Then Caitlin’s head fell back, exposing her throat. Almost immediately, like a magnet, Kate launched onto her skin, lips pressing against the hollow just below her collarbone. She kissed hard enough to leave a mark. Not claiming her—just anchoring her down. Caitlin’s eyes widened. She shuddered. She reached down and tugged Kate’s sweatshirt over her own head. Then her t-shirt. Gone.

When she sat back, breathless, she was left in a thin white Nike sports bra. Kate could see her dark nipples through it, pressing against the fabric, undoubtedly stood up hard from arousal; it was too hot between them for it to have been the cold. 

Kate swore she’d never seen anything so beautiful.

“I just…” Caitlin murmured, blinking up at her. “I don’t want to mess this up.”

Kate cupped her face, voice barely audible. “You won’t. You couldn’t. Caitlin, you’re—” Caitlin, you’re so beautiful.” Kate sat up enough to allow Caitlin to remove her own shirts and sat her in a black sports bra; they stayed like that for a long time—rocking together gently, kissing between quiet confessions of compliments, limbs wrapped around each other like they were made to fit that way.

They stayed there entangled until long after the urgency dulled into something quieter. They kissed until their lips felt bruised. Until their bodies stopped aching and just hummed. Until the couch felt like too small a space to hold what they were becoming.

Kate blinked at the clock behind Caitlin’s shoulder. 2:03 a.m.

She groaned softly, forehead falling against Caitlin’s. “We have film at eleven.”

Caitlin laughed, hoarse and wrecked. “Coach is going to end you.”

“If you don’t beat her to it,” Kate murmured.

Eventually they stilled. The heat between them cooled to something softer, but no less intense. They just… held on. Hands tangled. Legs tangled. Hair a mess. Caitlin curled into Kate’s side like it was the only place she was ever meant to be. 

Slowly, the need to sleep crept up on her. Kate traced a gentle line down Caitlin’s back. “Do you want softer pants?” she asked, so careful—so not pushing. “Only if you want. I just… want you to be comfortable.”

Caitlin nodded, nose brushing Kate’s neck. “Yeah. Of course. Sleeping in jeans…” She laughed as the air lightened between them again.

Kate changed in the bathroom—slowly, letting her heartbeat return to earth. When she came back in one of her oldest Iowa t-shirts and sleep shorts, Caitlin had already pulled on a pair of Kate’s navy cotton shorts, legs folded beneath her on the bed.

“Are these the ones you always wear under your sweats?” Caitlin teased.

Kate raised an eyebrow. “You watch me change?”

“You’re literally always changing in front of me.”

“Still,” Kate said, crawling under the covers, “a little scandalous, superstar.”

Caitlin rolled her eyes, but she grinned. And when she lay back down—slowly, hesitantly—Kate pulled the blanket over both of them. She kept her distance at first. Just enough to give Caitlin room to move however she needed.

But Caitlin inched closer. Let her head rest on Kate’s shoulder. “We’ll go slow,” Kate whispered. “We’ll figure it out. Together.”

Caitlin nodded against her shoulder. “Okay.”

Neither of them adjust. They fell asleep there, tangled together, hair sticky and necks full of sweat. 

Kate drifted off, finally letting out the kind of sigh she’d been holding in since September.

Caitlin

Caitlin woke to sunlight seeping through the blinds and the slow, steady rhythm of Kate’s breath. 8:07 a.m, which she saw the red clock, bleeding from across the room. 

For a second, Caitlin forgot where she was.

Then it all shifted. She felt the warmth of Kate’s thigh beneath hers, the way their hands had stayed linked through the night, the way her body still remembered every point of contact from the hours before.

Oh.

It hadn’t been a dream.

They’d kissed. Touched each other. Undressing each other… Just enough to feel everything and still leave more for next time. And now Caitlin was lying in Kate’s bed wearing Kate’s shorts, her heart beating so hard she was worried it might shake the whole mattress.

Her mouth was dry. Her lips still tingled. Her thighs ached in a way she didn’t want to unpack too fast.

She turned her head slowly. Kate was still asleep, mouth slightly open, one hand sprawled across Caitlin’s stomach like she owned the space. Which, okay—fine. She kind of does.

Caitlin lay there for another minute, just… watching her. Taking in the mess of curls, the faint imprint of a pillow against her cheek, the freckle across her shoulder that Caitlin hadn’t noticed last night but now feels irrationally possessive of.

She should let her sleep.

She doesn’t.

Instead, she kissed onto those freckles whispering, “Kate.”

Nothing.

“Kate.” She lets her mouth muzzle down Kate’s back to the area right above her sports bra trailing slow kisses around the edges. She lingers. 

Kate groans softly, shifts onto her side, face burrowing into the crook of Caitlin’s neck. “Nooo.”

“You have a film session pre-meeting, Captain.”

“You’re evil.”

Caitlin laughs, warm and low. “And you talk in your sleep.”

Kate freezes. “I do not.”

“There’s literal evidence.”

Kate lifts her head, blinking at her blearily. “Did you wake me up just to bully me?”

“Wake you up?” Caitlin grins. “I saved you. Coach would murder you if we were late.” 

Kate flops back onto her pillow. “Can’t we just stay here forever?”

The room’s quiet for a beat too long. Caitlin breathes in, then out. “I wouldn’t hate it,” she says softly.

That’s when Kate looks at her. Really looks at her. And suddenly the space between them feels like an invitation.

Kate brushes a strand of hair off Caitlin’s forehead. “If you keep looking at me like that, I’m not gonna make it.”

Caitlin shrugs, trying to be casual. “Then don’t.”

Kate hesitates. Caitlin leans in.

It happens again.

They kiss.

God, they kiss.

This time slower. Lazier. Morning-warm and desperate, full of the kind of heat that builds behind closed eyes and sleep-heavy limbs. Caitlin shifts on top of her before she can stop herself, her new favorite seat, legs bracketing Kate’s thighs, kissing her deeper, hungrier, like the hours apart overnight were too long.

Kate moans into her mouth. “This is dangerous.”

“Yep,” Caitlin breathes, dragging her mouth down to Kate’s jaw. “We’re definitely gonna be late.”

Kate laughs, dizzy. “And Coach is going to make us run up the stairs until we puke.”

Caitlin nips gently at her earlobe. “Worth it.”

Kate’s hands find Caitlin’s waist again, skin-to-skin now, letting her fingers drop and running her hands just a centimeter beneath the shorts Caitlin had borrowed. She slid her palms up her sides eagerly exploratory, like she’s trying to memorize her by touch alone.

And Caitlin doesn’t even think about it.

She reaches back. Unclasps her sports bra. Pulls it over her head and tosses it onto the floor like it’s nothing. Like it’s always been this simple.

Kate goes still.

Dead still.

Then she exhales like she’s just been kicked in the chest, wrecked and starstruck all at once. “Holy shit, Caitlin.”

Caitlin grins, flushed and wicked, but there’s something nervous in her eyes too. “You okay?”

Kate’s eyes are wide, burning. “No.” Everything about Caitlin is warm, soft, infuriatingly perfect. But this… Caitlin looked down at Kate with the same smirk she flashed on the court after dropping a stepback straight through the net. She knew she was hot. Her skin hummed under Kate’s touch like it had been waiting to be seen. Worshipped. Known.

“Did you still want to go back to sleep Martin—?”

“No,” Kate says again, hoarse. “Don’t you dare stop.”

Caitlin kissed her, deeper this time, and Kate moaned into her mouth like it had been pulled from the base of her spine. Her hands flattened against Caitlin’s back, skimming up until her thumbs grazed the dip beneath her shoulder blades. 

There were two phases in Kate Martin’s life. 

Before her chest collided with Caitlin’s.

And after… 

“I’m gonna lose my mind,” she moaned.

Her pussy ached when felt Caitlin’s nipples rub up against her own, having flung her own sports bra across the room shortly before. Trying not to squeeze down on Caitlin’s ass too hard, Kate’s lips brushed across Caitlin’s jaw, her temple, the hollow behind her ear. “You have no idea what you’re doing to me.” 

Caitlin’s breath stutters. “I think I do.” 

Kate pulls back, barely. Just enough to see her. Just enough to let the moment breathe before it shatters. “You’re not nervous?” The sun, peeking through the blinds, was hitting Caitlin’s chest perfectly.

“Terrified,” Caitlin says. “But not with you.”

That breaks something open in Kate. The ache, the awe, the God, how is this real of it all.

She kisses Caitlin’s collarbone like it’s sacred. Trails down, pausing just below the line of her throat. She doesn’t rush. She won’t.

Her hands almost tremble while she runs them all over Caitin’s bare back. The heat she’s creating is everywhere. She’s overwhelmed by the gravity of Caitlin, topless, bare in her arms. She doesn’t scratch, just rubs her hands up and down in circles, trying to steady, slow herself down. She wasn’t used to hooking up like this. She was used to being rough, and fast, and careless. With Caitlin, everything was slow, intimate, vulnerable, and intentional.  

Caitlin shivered, her eyes fluttered closed. “Kate…” Kate was cupping her right breast lightly, running circles around the outline of her areola. Caitlin gasped. Kate was so delicate, her left hand mirroring her right with expert speed, kneading and cupping her sensitive breasts in all the right ways.

Caitlin’s eyes widened as Kate suddenly rubbed both of her nipples tight between her fingers; Caitlin had never been touched like this. It came without warning, when Kate lightly twisted the bud tenderly between her thumb. Caitlin’s mouth gaped open, her back arched, and their torsos to meet as she moaned. “I’ve got you,” Kate whispers. “I swear.” She sped up her motions, lightly setting her tongue down on Caitlin’s belly button, and kissing her all the way to the top of her rib cage. 

She looked up into her eyes, waiting for a nod. It came eagerly. Kate’s lips attached to Caitlin’s left nipple, sucking deeply as she twisted the right bud. The rhythm was otherworldly. Kate pinched her fingers together, swiping upwards until she held just the tip in between her index finger and thumb. She nibbled at first, licked fast up and down. She kept her eyes trained on Caitlin the whole time. 

What came next split into two.

“Baby” Caitlin moaned. “Don’t,” a breath, “Stop, I’m so, fucking…” Kate had no intention of stopping. 

They moved together again, slow and aching and almost.  The heat builds, barely leashed. Teeth scrape. Fingertips cling. Breath catches in the space where mouths part only to meet again.

Kate buries her face against Caitlin’s shoulder, gasping like she’s trying to calm herself down. “I can’t believe this is real.”

Caitlin tilts her head, lips at her ear. “It is.”

And somehow that makes it worse. That it’s real. That it’s them.

So much time spent pretending it wasn’t like this. So many moments spent not crossing this line. And now they’re here—really here—and the weight of it crashes into Kate’s chest like a wave she never saw coming.

“I want you,” Caitlin whispers, so quietly it almost gets lost in the space between them. “I want this.”

Kate kisses her, slow and aching. “Then take it.” “No,” Kate says again, hoarse. “Don’t you dare stop,” echoes in her ears.

They kiss like it’s inevitable, like they’re falling toward something that’s been waiting to catch them. Hands everywhere. Lips everywhere else. Every inch they explore is a promise. A question. And each one is met with a very loud yes.

And just before it can tip over into something else, something that can't be paused…

A loud buzz from Kate’s phone on the nightstand.

The clock flashes 9:15.

“Shit,” Kate mumbles, pulling back just barely, her chest heaving.

Caitlin just stares at her, flushed, glowing, grinning. “So, we’re showering… separately?”

Kate covers her face with one hand. “God, we are so screwed.”

Caitlin kisses the inside of her wrist. “Yeah. And it’s your fault.”

Kate laughs, breathless. “You took your bra off, Caitlin!”

“You licked my neck!”

They are both undone. They are both still holding back.

And it only makes them want each other more.

[averyfortshire]

Watched Late Night With the Devil and I now am forcibly compelled to mention James Randi, who is undoubtedly referenced in their fictional sceptical guy.

Randi was a gay guy who started as a magician. More importantly, Randi saw mystics and psychics take advantage of the public and used his abilities as a stage magician to debunk it. He did this because he could not stand to see people being lied to, or for those in grief be exploited.

A notable achievement of his was exposing faith healer, Peter Popoff in the 80s. Popoff made people fill out a form before his shows about their personal life and his wife would feed him info during his live acts through an ear piece. This was to make his claim that God told him this information to heal them feel more credible. Randi exposed this by planting fake participants in the auidence, my favourite being a cis guy in a dress that Popoff claimed he cured of uterine cancer. As you can imagine, Popoff caused massive harm.

My man also fucking hated Uri Geller, stating that "when I die, I want to be creameated and my ashes to be blown into Uri Geller's eyes."

Uri Geller is a massive fucking phonie and Randi wanted so badly to expose him. And he did. Frequently. Randi was not applauded for this. He was hated for it. Because people want to believe in the mysterious. Randi put out a one million dollar bounty for someone who could prove they had psychic abilities, and it was never claimed.

What Randi did, was to help those. To make sure that faith healers and psychics weren't taking people for a fucking ride. And it was a thankless job. He died and it was a legitimate loss.

I'm not the best writer, but Super Eyepatch Wolf did a phenomenal video on him and on how dangerous this shit is. Please go watch that.

[rickyriddle]

So I kept seeing a quote from Jac Schaeffer circulating lately and people being upset about it, and acting as if Jac just recently came out from the woodwork to say that and "ruin" the character she herself wrote. The quote people kept sharing was cropped (obviously), so here's the full quote

This is from an interview Jac gave right after the show ended. It's not recent. Idk why people act as if she just recently said that. You can find the full interview here. It was published on November 1st, so right after the show concluded. It's interesting and and I'd recommend reading it for yourself.

Regarding the quote that got so many people upset, I find it a bit silly to bet so worked up over something Jac said months ago, and act as if it's new information or her just recently coming out to "ruin" Agatha. That quote doesn't claim Agatha isn't gay. She said the line "ask a straight lady" has multiple meanings, and one is indeed to indicate Agatha's queerness (and Jac specifying "gay" in that context really seems like that's how she wrote the character, as gay). This is basically her saying "this wasn't just about Agatha being gay, but also this other reason". She still acknowledges her gayness. Just because the line has a double meaning doesn't mean it no longer apply to Agatha's queerness, which Jac very clearly highlight at the end of her reply.

As for the biggest point of contempt, the "Agatha doesn't believe in labels", I don't get the issue here? It seems very in character for her. I think a lot of people forget Agatha isn't from our era, not even close. She's born in the 1600s. There were no queer labels back then. It was considered a sin and a crime punishable by death to be gay. Why are we expecting a 350+ yo woman to keep up with the lingo? There are lgbtq boomers who struggle to keep up with new terms or outright refuse to use them. Agatha doesn't care about being part of a community, she's a very antisocial person who couldn't care less what people call her. So it makes sense she wouldn't believe in labels because it's just not part of her upbringing or important to her. She knows what she likes and that's it. It doesn't invalidate her sexuality, she's still definitely gay, even if she doesn't personally care about calling herself that.

It's just funny people are now being upset over a 3 months old interview Jac did when her most recent one (from February 5th) was literally her saying how Agatha and Rio were married. Like be fr.