#this shouldn’t keep happening
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Guess who has 75 cents to her name… 🫠
#vent post#do not reblog#this shouldn’t keep happening#I shouldn’t have to struggle to survive day to day#no one should#and yet#here I am#unsure about how I’m going to get home from work tonight#don’t get me started about my coworkers#awful#everything is awful#I’m sorry to be so negative but I’m just upset about life right now#hopefully you all are feeling better than me right now
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noticed a dip in posts about palestine on my dash, so i think it deserves to be said again: palestine is not a trend. caring about genocide is not a trend. there are still reports about humanitarian aid trucks intentionally blocked off from gaza, meaning so many fucking gazans, a big portion of them children, are just bleeding out with no help. it just came out recently that israelis disguised as women and medics infiltrated a west bank hospital, at which point they killed 3 palestinians (whom they claim were militants. right). these people are living day to day without even the most basic utilities. anyone who claims to have “activism fatigue” needs to question why they’re so severely lacking in the most basic forms of compassion. you don’t get to just grow bored of talking about palestine. please never stop calling attention to the genocide happening full force in front of us.
#it’s kind of crazy that the most active blogs i see talking about it rn are literal palestinians who had to go through such insane trauma#they shouldn’t be the only ones who continue being vocal about it#bisan absolutely did not announce the global strike to signal to ppl that they can just stop saying anything afterwards??#i knew this would happen but i just didn’t expect it to happen so fast#please keep talking.#palestine#israel#gaza
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(whispers) hey friends I appreciate your excitement but gentle reminder it’s not very polite to ask fanfic writers when the next chapter is gunna come out
#remember friends: fanfic writers do this for fun when they have enough down time and wanna write#I’m an adult with a lot of adult responsibilities going on!!#again I appreciate your enthusiasm but ur just gunna have to trust me#ESPECIALLY since I sort of have a posting schedule#gentle reminder that fic writers shouldn’t need a schedule ever#I just have one because it keeps me on my toes#and that’s just a personal preference#but even then it’s just sort of a rough guideline— sometimes life stuff happens!!#and remember!!! a chapter that takes time will always be better than a rushed one#sorry to pop off but ya girl has had. A Week.#I’m not mad just a little tired#probably gunna delete tomorrow#but for now g’d night#pastel prattling
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Day 141
#dude the universe must hate me or smth#why does crap keep happening ugh#HOPEFULLY there shouldn’t be any more breaks for a while#lmk#lego monkie kid#wukong cameo :0
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i think i saw him in canada
he’s sailing in toronto !!
#tango tek#tangotek#tango where he shouldn’t be#tango ask#ive been sailing it was bad. im tall and the sail kept trying to take my head off. and there were jellyfish#the jellyfish werent doing anything but it was a stressful day and there were a lot of them#i havent been to canada though this was uhhh mid qld coast NOT stinger season dw they were harmless jellyfish#ANYWAY! i said we were starting double time tangos until the number of requests is Less Scary so we’re going every 12 hours for the next#3 days or maybe longer if you people keep asking for things <3#but probably not. having a schedule doesnt happen here#so starting Regular Content now is not true to my brand. we work on my time here
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I think. The reason I got so invested in SW when The Mandalorian came out. Was partly because of the story, yes, but largely because I didn’t HAVE to know any of the extended universe to understand this one story. It was so good on its own and it was unique and interesting and compelling and judicious with its script
And I miss that.
#tbd#Just… It’s become what comic books became#And expecting for people to watch/consume everything just to keep up with one story is A. bad writing and B. inaccessible#idk I just wish it had stayed that way#Like I remember my dad after we watched Revenge of the Sith in theaters saying there were big portions that either weren’t compelling#Or didn’t make sense why they were happening the way they did#Order 66 chief among them because people who only saw the movies had no idea about the control chips in the clones#It’s never brought up in the movie#And there was never a length of time where we saw the buildup of the Jedi’s and clones’ relationship#And I remember people telling us ‘‘Oh it makes so much sense if you watched the clone wars show!!’’#Well. We were poor. We couldn’t afford cable so we never saw the show.#You shouldn’t rely on outside media to tell your story if your not going to include it in the primary material in a compelling manner#*you’re#Anyway. Frustrated at what could have been.
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#Does anyone else feel like life feels more transparently like a test rn?#Everything that’s happening to me keeps threatening to ruin whatever I’ve been praying for#then it suddenly works out in the end…#I know it’s proof I shouldn’t despair but I fall for it every time🤣#how do I stop?
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the fact that i’m seeing these zionists saying they will unstan nct because taeyong and renjun told people to boycott and it’s crazy bc it in hindsight it’s bare minimum but to these people it’s like the world is ending for them bc it means that isnotreal is losing the importance it used to have and it affects these people believe it or not
#i also saw this fan letter that was from a zionist army#it was when the first fan letter project happened#and one of the things they said was like ‘please keep being silent’ and#trust me these people know that idols being silent is good for them#it means they are siding with them in a way#that’s why it’s important for them to speak up and risk it all#these people shouldn’t be in fandoms spaces to begin with#and if more people do these gestures they will leave for sure#tris.txt
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always so funky to be reminded that your parents might love you but they don’t actually like you very much
#wasn’t i supposed to leave that feeling behind with puberty?#anyway mama decided i have no christmas wish#the sad little guy who can’t get nice things for themself also doesn’t get to ask for them now during the ‘ask for things’ time of the year#it’s not about christmas it’s not about material things it’s about looking me in the glassy eyes and asserting ‘you have no wish’#when wishing is all i ever do you just never create a space safe enough for me to voice them#blah#not st#i’m so so sorry that whining is all i ever do anymore and i shouldn’t be so sad about this over and over again#i’m just. so small. tiny. and insignificant. i might not have been there all day and 99% of the conversations would have happened the same#i wanna stop feeling this way but i think in order to stop feeling this way i need to stop wanting to be loved and seen and listened to#by my mom. and i don’t think it’s entirely human or possible to stop wanting that. so oh well#i don’t know if i give them reason to like me. maybe i don’t. this might all be on me actually.#if she knew i’m crying about this she’d roll her eyes and say ‘you know how i am. sorry you misunderstood me’#why do the blows keep coming? when’s it my turn to rest?
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Chapter meiosis has officially occurred… I’ve ceremonially split it into two documents, there will be two new chapters…
And of course I’d just been putting a load of work in on the second half! Should have done this days ago, deep down I knew 24,000 words was a bit much…
#shinobi academy of music#lilac rambles#chapters growing to unmanageable size#at least that means the wait for the second one shouldn’t be too long!#but for goodness sake#why does it keep happening to me?!
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a relationship so terrible you end up questioning your entire sexuality and everything about yourself
#i think i’m genuinely still upset about our ex (i say our because he was dating five separate people)#not even ‘i think’ — i KNOW i’m still upset.#and it’s making me wonder why i keep turning to emotionally unavailable masc people who VERY#clearly are trying to take advantage of me and very clearly demonstrate the fact that they will not be there in the way they should be#because in the moment of those Times i find myself giving people the benefit of the doubt in the way i wish people would give me the benefit#of the doubt. and i find myself forgiving them because that’s how love should be.#but i’m forgiving them for things that are so unforgivable that when i look back on it…. i get upset and angry and want to defend myself and#tell them that what they did is wrong. and they should apologize for it and own up to their shit.#but i know they never will and then i feel like i’m standing in front of my parents begging them to see me and hear me out and treat me -#like they should. i find myself repeating cycles that shouldn’t even exist all because i love. i love and i forgive and i trust and i give#and i confide in people who make themselves seem trustworthy#just so they can get their fresh hit of dopamine from someone new. and i feel like they mean it.#until i look back again and see that it’s all the same. every time. it’s the same thing when i read between the lines of their messages.#i’m not even just talking about one person. it kept happening and i’m always left feeling like i did something wrong because#i just wanted them to love me. and i loved them. or i could’ve loved them in a very real way.#i never know if they leave because they’re not interested or if i’m too much or if they were TOO interested.#i don’t know. but i’m still mad. i’m upset.#perpetually pouting.#if you care.#still gay as fuck obviously. just routinely questioning if i even like men. idk idk idk.#h.txt
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I have so many vamp!dorothy thoughts & so little time to indulge them today I’m devastated
#is that going to stop me from writing & doodling them on the train today? absolutely not#but I would rather be comfy cozy under warm blankets with a cup of tea#than outside in the cold#maybe the weather will help keep the ~tone~#since I want to plot what happened after Dorothy attacked Stan (rip but also.#shouldn’t have been unfaithful 🤷🏻♀️ maybe your wife wouldn’t have eaten you if you just hadn’t been a dick)#personal
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whitehank scug hours
#madness combat#rain world#white hank#sorry for posting so many madness scugs it Will happen again#i’m rotating this crossover in my head so much. help#also fun fact wank is a goddamn nightmare to design for (both visuals and gameplay)because there really isn’t much separating her from hank#i’m literally just focusing REALLY HARD on the uh#fact that they keep Not Dying even when they really should be dead by this point. because. Yeah#the scav rep thing is a vague reference to the fact that he seems to have a much larger network of allies#seen in paradigmadness + the actual whitehank series#i might fuck around with the concept of her being able to escape lizard bites (after being bitten mind you) if she’s quick enough as well#on the theme of ‘survives stuff they really shouldn’t survive’#maybe his campaign is like enot’s#given how utterly fucking psychedelic and nonsensical the actual series is lmao. probably not but it’d be funny
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Anyways nothing in the show made me cry till seeing ekko and Mel sitting there alone and it doesn’t even have to do with powder and Jayce it’s the fact that they have to get up the next day its exhausting like there’s so much work to do.
#and sevika to a lesser extent#like it’s less sad for me bc she’s got a support group#like ig it’s bc this is moving up for her#she still has shit to get done but yknow#but for Mel and ekko#she’s gotta deal with being an actual ruler now these new abilities and what they mean#she might be glancing over her shoulder everyday bc what if there’s another black rose#and ekko#man he’s still gotta figure out his tree#and they still have to keep it pushing bc ok fuck playing into the council I hate that sorry#but there’s just so much fucking work to do after 10 minutes of relaxing#and it’s like#idk how to feel about arcane like idk#it feels the same a oitnb to me#commentary on no happy endings but it just so happens the main white characters got theirs#even that jinx lived theory grinds my gears bc it’s like#ofc mel and ekko got the short end of the stick. writing and fandom wise like always#and it’s like the show touches on certain things and can’t follow through bc nobody actually cares about black characters and their stories#but also if this is just expanding into wider lol lore it’s like#having the stories set up or finish in a#I don’t wanna say unsatisfactory but like in a way where it’s real#the ball keeps rolling#that’s cool#but it’s not even that it’s just. more care ig#yeah. I want more care for black characters#I wish whoever fought for cait and vi playing house or saw it as a deserved ending or whatever#someone who decided that mel shouldn’t have finished sitting there alone#that maybe ekko deserved to lay down and sleep even if he cried#like it doesn’t have to be a happy ending. if ekkos last scene was just him sobbing over what he lost it’d feel different#but it’s not in his nature to be that selfish. selfish enough to cry freely. free u my heart. 💔💔💔
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not to get personal on my personal blog, but this last year especially has really made me reevaluate my life, my priorities, and pushed me to do the right things for not only myself but the world around me.
I just feel like I gained a lot of resolve and a desire to live and i’m trying really hard to retain my hope that if we continue to strive for a better world we will see it in our lifetimes.
#talking#idk i’m mostly just rambling this was prompted by me thinking about things and also seeing a lot of dooming online rn#i cannot emphasize to you enough that no matter what happens in this election we have a duty to each other to protect each other#we have a duty to the people of palestine . lebanon . congo . sudan . EVERYWHERE to keep fighting for them#and we have a duty to ourselves not to be ruined by this. idk. i just think the more everyone chooses to lay down and die the less likely#we are to see the changes we want#ALSO. even if Kamala wins. she is not good enough as is sorry not sorry. She needs to do BETTER.#pressuring the dems is how we got biden out we can pressure kamala too. don’t just sit there and tell her she’s got your#unconditional and unwavering support because she shouldn’t.#and vote. for the love of god vote. it isn’t too late to register in a lot of states#anyway rant over. keep your head held high. don’t let the election pull your eyes away from Gaza. keep boycotting and actually pay attention#to the BDS list . help people get their fundraisers vetted .#maybe even be willing to open up your time and effort into hosting a fundraiser for someone who can’t. it’s really not that hard#it is a long and treacherous road but it’s one we’ll walk together
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medical websites love to be like “how to stop having physical stress symptoms: 1. be in less stressful situations 2. don’t be stressed”
#oliver.mp3#girl for one i have anxiety for two stressful things continue to happen#sorry but taking deep breaths and going for walks will not fix my moms broken leg or get me another job#or get me back the $6000 i just spent on my cat’s er vet bill#meditation doesn’t pay the rent#i still haven’t done anything creative since the year started pretty much#bc i feel like i shouldn’t be focusing on anything but how to fix my situation#time spent drawing is time i could be spending applying for jobs. why would i spend time writing when it’s not making me money#i’m sick of living like this like truly it has been the last whole fucking year and it just keeps getting worse#what did i do to deserve this like truly why me#why do these events feel so specifically calculated and timed to drain our bank accounts and stress me out further#i think abt that phrase it has to get worse before it gets better. so every time something happens i’m like ok it’s gonna get better now#but somehow it continues to get worse#i feel like i’m watching my entire life crumble away right before my eyes everything me and my mom have worked for is just dwindling#and i’m only fucking 20
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