#this should be all of our take away
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idk if this will make sense. but 4 obvious reasons i have been getting a lot of dramione fanfic writers on my fyp (don't buy or sell fanfiction jesus christ) AND like, idk if it's just me, but dramione writers feel like. ..real human people, y'know? whereas we, the marauders fandom, feel a bit like tiny sock drawer gremlins or like bridge trolls or something. Not meant for the light of day is what I mean (*affectionately*). like they have very polished profile pictures, and some of them have their whole names out there, and all of them feel like they already have book deals and a house and a car and maybe a juicer or something. like they are the type A put-together big sister to the marauders fandom snotty nosed emo lil brother. YOU KNOW??? i'm like wow, i bet they have day planners and shit. and like. colour coordinated bookshelves. is it just me????? maybe it's just me. they're just sparkly over there that's all im saying.
#obvi the point is it's terrible that they feel they have to take down their fics#cause people wont stop selling and buying them#this should be all of our take away#BUT I CANNOT HELP BUT NOTICE#that there are two types of people#and i do not have a day planner#soph rambles
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it is totally okay to be hurt and tired and fed up with the american schooling system but i need you to understand that we need to be better about loudly and routinely defending public education.
yes, many teachers suck, many schools utterly suck. i also got bullied and was absolutely not given the right support for my needs. i am not defending public education because it was kind to me. i am defending it because it needs to exist.
right-wing republicans do not want an educated population. they want kids to be homeschooled or in private school. there is a huge religious undertone to this.
the most common argument is that despite high costs, the "result" is not "good" enough. they point to failing schools as proof that public education is just never going to work out. there will be arguments made here that you actually agree with: that teachers can be bullies, that we taught online for 2 years and still charged the same amount of tuition, that we have no recourse for students to actually have agency or a voice, and that schools are now unsafe for kids due to risk of illness and gun violence.
these are all placing the blame in a fraudulent way, one intended to get your parents to homeschool you. the less kids in a school, the less federally-awarded funding for that school, the less any school succeeds. they will not mention the fact it is their legislation that takes away important funding opportunities, that teachers are living at or below the poverty line, that buildings are not kept up to code, that administration is overpaid and forces specific curriculums, that corporations like (my personal enemy) Pearson Education control certain classroom goals because teachers can't afford other options. they pretend to be ignorant of the gun violence and say "oh just get a gun" - but these are the same people who will be sending their child to a private school with a bulletproof backpack. they don't care if your kid dies, though. they "don't believe" in covid, but they did get their kid vaccinated, because of course they did.
it is a closed loop. conservative parents hear the fearmongering and remove children from the system. frequently these parents are also deeply religious. the kids are raised without access to other media & learn to parrot their parents. you have now created a new generation of conservatives. additionally, one of the parents/caregivers must stay home and homeschool the children, usually for free. i will give you 1 guess which parent tends to stay home to homeschool the children. these parents are encouraged to have many, many children. those children are most likely not getting access to safe sex ed.
we might laugh at fox news suggesting teachers are forcing children to use kitty litter but: first of all, there is kitty litter in the classroom. it's part of an emergency kit in case children are locked in due to a shooter. so that's fucking dystopian, and the fact they've completely reimagined the scenario to somehow make the teachers look bad when it's instead a fucking huge symbol of our failure as a country to protect our children.... it feels a little intentional.
secondly: don't just dismiss the situation. because, yeah, obviously, no teacher is encouraging kids to be a catboy. but the actual undertone that fox news is trying to sew is an outright distrust of teachers and of public education. they rely on the dehumanization of trans people as a common touchstone to hide the fact they're pushing two agendas at once. (which is ironic. because the thing they accuse teachers of. is pushing. an agenda.)
whenever someone tells you they want you to read less, you should be suspicious of that. when someone tries to separate you and your education, you should be suspicious of that. i don't even like incel rhetoric nor would i want my kids exposed to it - but i would not take away my child's (age-appropriate) access to the internet. i would just provide more educational materials, not less. the difference here is that i believe we can resolve ignorance with knowledge; whereas conservatives believe that ignorance is bliss.
they misappropriate funding and demonize teachers. they pull the same trick each time - the same thing we are seeing with anti-trans rhetoric. they do not want you to have access to safe sex ed, so they act horrified, claim sex ed teaches you how to thrust deep, claim that we have no idea what "age-appropriate" means. since the mid-nineties, the united states has spent at least 2 billion dollars on abstinence-only education, even though to quote the above link: "a preponderance of studies has found no effect of abstinence education at reducing adolescent pregnancy". conservatives want you to think less of any person struggling with addiction so they can continue their racist "war on drugs", so they spend up to $750 million dollars a year on the DARE program which has absolutely no effect. acting like teachers "must" be "grooming" children is just the same thing - so they can demand that funding either goes to their causes or the funding doesn't "exist" ("i'm not paying for our kids to learn that thing!")
and they want you to feel uncaring about this. they are aware that you will hate some parts of your school experience. pretty much everyone does. they want to lean into the parts that you hate so that you don't put up a fight about it when they take it away for not being "good enough."
i know i maybe sound like a conspiracy theorist. but truly. truly. it is beneficial for conservatives to reduce your faith in the american public schooling system.
one of the explicitly stated campaign promises of the conservative party: to axe the Department of Education in 2024.
i know we are all tired and burnt out and there is so much else wrong with their entire platform. but maybe just - pay attention to this one.
#i can't believe i have to say this#the conservative party is legit like ''is it anything good? okay we hate it.''#''lets kill lgbt people and ummmmm school children shouldnt be able to read they should be at home watching jordan peterson :)"#the fact that it's like all related is. wild.#like it's wild bc if u start being like. actually making it impossible to afford housing is part of how they keep the nuclear family.....#it's just like lines connecting to lines. EXCEPT ITS OBVIOUS?#what's wild to me about most conspiracy theorists is that they're like . ohhhh the govt is hiding shit!!!!!!! they don't want u to know!!!#and im like. this old man literally got up on stage and said he hates public education and will let our kids die before taking away ak-47s#and ppl are like: lol thats just bob's sense of humor he didn't mean it literally uwu
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I FORGOT TO THROW OUT AFTER THE EPISODE RELEASED NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
#hand jumper#webtoon#sayeon lee#heron#ig??? BRUH..................#these fireworks are going to SET ME ON FIRE!!!!#but that's alr i guess!!!!!!!!!#because charcoal grilled prawn literally solves all my problems#before thinking about killing people i need everyone to sit down and think of their favourite food#and manifest the version of them that has it!!!!!!!!#maybe then all compulsions and intrusions of the mind can just go away#what if we all just pictured better versions of ourselves and just did it!!!#if we all stretched out our hands and tried we can at least live in the world knowing we did try!!#and it's better than not trying!!!!! AND BEING USELESS PIECES OF ROTTING GARBAGE!!!!!!#idk i've had a shit three years man i don't think i can take this any longer#IGNORE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#AND INSTEAD NOW LET'S THINK OF THE GOODIES YOU'RE GONNA GET IN TWO WEEKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#or now if you offer up your wallet to OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR sleepacross#and for the SMALL price of 5USD that's right 5USD!!!! this is to the people with credit/debit cards ofc#YOU CAN ACCESS THE GOATACROSS QNA BECAUSE IT IS PEAK!!!!!!#but just because the juninators[on here in case they aren't in the server] need to hear this so we can all sing happy birthday to her#INSTEAD OF MISSING IT FOR TWO YEARS#AND HAVING A WHOLE WINTER/CHRISTMAS COMPETITION IN DISCORD WITH MEMES AND ALL WITHOUT THIS CRUCIAL INFORMATION!!!!!!!#I THINK BECAUSE I KEEP THESE IN TAGS IT'S SAFE TO SAY THAT HER BIRTHDAY IS DEC 24TH AND WE SHOULD ALL SAY HAPPY LATE/HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY#TO OUR BELOVED QUEEN JUNI CHANG#BECAUSE NOW I JUST SHAFTED A 40K WIP I NEVER FINISHED FOR LAST YEAR'S WINTER SEASON FOR THE CHRISTMAS EPISODE OF 2024 IN THE RECYCLE BIN!!#BUT NOW WE CAN GIVE HER QUINTICE THE AMOUNT OF GIFTS THIS YEAR!!!!!!!!!!! SO LET'S DO THAT INSTEAD!!!!#ONE FOR HER BIRTHDAY!!!! ONE FOR CHRISLER!!! ONE FOR CIVIL SERVICE APPRECIATION DAY!!!!!#ANOTHER FOR BEING PEAK MENTOR!!!!! AND ANOTHER ONE FOR BEING GOD'S SILLIEST SOLDIER!!!![in our hearts!!]#APOLOGIES AS ALWAYS IF YOU MADE IT THIS FAR HERE!!!! AND A GOOD EVENING TO YOU ALL!!!!
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thinking abt an au where dazai convinces chuuya to ditch the pm and join the ada and he gives chuuya his trench coat bc "its tradition for new recruits to receive a piece of clothing from the person who brought them in"
also chuuya totally has to hem it and it STILL is nearly floor-length and he has to actually tie its belt and it goes off his shoulders (yk like that one official art that everyone loves you know the one)
dazai's like “chuuya you dont actually have to wear it if it really is too big we literally have a 21 cm height diff i understand”
but chuuya is so adamant on wearing it bc its the first sign he's gone into the light and it reminds him of detective murase and its a gift from dazai he can't just not wear the oversized trench coat
UPDATE: I drew it
#chuuya walks into the office on the first day and kunikida goes “dazai why is the missing mafia executive in our office WEARING YOUR COAT?”#and yosano is giving him this smug ass look like “oh they fucked” and ranpo starts a betting pool abt it#also chuuya has a red shirt like how dazai has a blue shirt bc they really do be the red/blue gays#i need to post the design one of these days bc im insane#also chuuya still keeps his hat bc he tried to give it back to verlaine but verlaine's all like no chuuya you should keep it#also he keeps his hat bc i couldnt take away chuuya being called mr fancy hat by ranpo#verlaine is so happy his little brother is living a good human life he even helps his escape#bsd#soukoku#bsd au#dazai drags chuuya into the ada au
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i Do Not Trust people who make Mary the bad guy in their stories when the show went out of its way to specifically show us how she was suffering just as much as stede was in their marriage and that shes, yknow, a good person
#mary is specifically framed in a sympathetic light in all of her appearances. the show switches to following her narrative so we can see#how much better her new life is for her too!!! like yes she tries to kill stede but we are shown in the narrative WHY she makes that choice#and that she struggles with it and we see stede understanding this too! he supports her decisions and her new life and is happy for her!!!#at no point are we shown anything that makes mary a bad person or bad mother- honestly i generally like mary far more than stede anyway#but even if you dont you should be able to acknowledge... that if u make her the bad guy??? w. what did you take away from the show??#idk it has the vibes of. the girl character all the fans hate because she gets in the way of their precious little gay ship#or whatever. you know what i mean#ofmd#our flag means death#mary bonnet#mary allamby bonnet#everyone whos a mary hater is also an izzy hater bc theyre coded the same character type. betrayed wives my beloved#(this is a joke.)#uh. this might be one to add in the tags on again sorry gang i have too many thoughts
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I just saw a TERF claim that jkr had done nothing wrong and I just …. Girl, what?
Even if you believe what she says about trans people all being disgusting perverts grooming children…. What?!
She’s a billionaire who hangs out with people who’ve been on neo-nazi rallies, has close ties to the Heritage Foundation, and made all of her money (and obtained all of her influence) because she wrote a shitty, generic fantasy series full of racism and antisemitism!
Aside from the wanting trans people dead angle, the woman has done SO MUCH wrong stuff that regardless of your particular flavour of leftism you would be hard pressed not to find a reason to hate her.
#jk rowling#fuck jkr#fuck jk rowling#trans rights#Deeply ironic that these sort of people mock the ‘libfem’ “half of all billionaires should be women” but then go onto support someone#like her just because they all want to take away our human rights
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If I wanna write about Steve’s monster cock everyday — I’ll do it!
If I wanna write heartbreaking angst — I’ll do it!
If I wanna write pointless humor — I’ll do it!
If I want to write drama, or a thriller — I’ll do it!
I’ve done it all, and I’ll do it all again!
The point is… my blog, my writing, my rules, my safe space. Don’t like me or my work? There’s a button for that 🩵
#don’t dictate to other writes#we all have reasons#our writing is our art and we can chose to write for whatever we feel like whenever we feel like it#imagine tryna take something away from someone by thinking it’s okay to dictate what should be posted#you never know what someone is going through and what writing helps them with… no matter if it’s smut or not#please don’t try and take that away from anyone#choose*
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ngl the hbomberguy video makes me wanna rewatch that brain games episode about how humans are hardwired to believe people they perceive as knowledgeable/authority figures, even when they're saying absurd shit
#hbomberguy#james somerton#marshy speaks#i keep thinking about it#because if you dress yourself up and present yourself in the right way you can get people to swallow some blatantly incorrect information#this isn't only seen with james ofc but he's definitely someone who knew how to manipulate that quirk in our psychology#like yes i do think we should all take away from this situation that we need to be more critical of the sources we're accepting as fact#(in fact ironically enough i'm sure brain games has some misinfo in there at points lmao)#but i don't fully blame people for falling for it when he clearly knew what the right buttons to press were
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lmaoooo maffhew wanting the knot immediately and having to wait for sasha to catch up with that is so deeply funny like. this omega is not subtle and you’re not a stupid alpha babe! can only imagine what benny has to say to maffhew about it once he catches on and stops banging his head against a wall
idiots to lovers is always great but especially when its two people who would be hitched with 10 kids by now if they stopped being dumb for a single second like its that easy and yet...
to me they very much fall around the same time (infatuation at first scent if you will) just that sasha takes some time to get there not because he's dumb (okay he's a little dumb) but in the sense that its like "this person is very interested in me, i can see and recognise that but theres so much cognitive dissonance in my brain right now between knowing that intrinsically and finding that hard to believe so i unintentionally play dumb because obviously i'm reading too much into things it cant be me they're interested in haha that'd crazy but they're being awfully touchy and flirty with me wow"
but also it takes two to tango and we have to acknowledge that and this is when i would love to bring up the ways in which this man decides is the best way to go about that because he is a catholic school girlie... there's so much hilarity to be had here especially because his flirting is very uh how you say... a little ass backwards if you will especially considering dynamics
"I make it a point to keep the door closed when we're alone in a room together! That's basically a clear invitation that I'm down to fuck!!! Im basically asking to be ragdolled on his knot!!!"
and Benny just pinches the bridge of his nose like "I don't know how to explain to you in a way you'll understand that not everyone went to Catholic school."
But saying that Sasha does side-eye the door knob heavily when Maffhew goes over to close it the first time and he starts sweating like he just got dragged into a game of 7 Minutes in Heaven he did not sign up for and he's 13 again and oh god he got paired with a really cute girl, and he hasn't even had his first real kiss yet and-
And then absolutely nothing happens because Maffhew is just waiting with a polite expectant smile (because his work here is done, he did the heavy lifting know it's Sasha's turn) and this is when Sasha's dynamic classes training kicks in and he basically scolds himself for even assuming in the first place because this is clearly a show of trust (correct) not an invitation for extra circular activities (incorrect buzzer noise) and it basically becomes "This Omega really trusts me, I'm honoured especially as Pack Leader that I'm able to be so accepted into such a private space with the inherent knowledge that I will not encroach their boundaries whatsoever because consent is verbal, this is not in any way an invitation to take advantage of them this is deep platonic trust I will guard with my life :]"
and if you listen closely you can hear the lovely sounds of Maffhew bashing his head into a wall about how much of a gentleman Sasha is but also COME ONNNNNN... you know... once Maffhew realises what's happening which (looks at my watch) is not due for another few months really
Battle of wills: unstoppable force (maffhews catholic school understanding of dynamic interactions) vs immovable object (overseas alpha cotillion classes)
And if you think it's an Oh! An overseas dynamic thing! It's not. The Euros are watching the horrible car crash in front of them and doing absolutely nothing about it because it's none of their business, but they will stare at it... maybe judge it a bit but definitely are observing from the tall grass.
and I'm also not saying that luosty lundy forsy and bobby have a current running bet of how long it'll take for maffhew to break sasha in but i'm also not not saying that... luosty goaded lundy in the midst of a gossip session ("It has to be 3 months, right?) forsy happened to be around so lundy turned to him for advice ("7 months.") and maybeeee bobby overheard from all the way over from his stall and puts in his two cents for what it's worth ("6. Captain nice but not that nice. Very impatient." "So 3!" "No. Impatience makes him double the time, and wait longer. 6 months.") (lundy finally settles on a good 5 months because he's indecisive)
And Sasha does eventually pick up everything maffhew is throwing down... eventually... and when he does it becomes more so I want to court this omega the way they deserve I will take this slow and romance them sweetly :) *smash cut to maffhew caterwauling like a cat in heat*
but also once again its not like maffhew is helping sasha in any way this is idiot4idiot and benny would like to enjoy the car crash with the euros but unfortunately that's his soulmate, thats his bestie, his littermate from birth who has been weaned on the same teat as they climbed over each other to get to it, the first girl you kissed in your childhood bedroom because somehow you started play fighting on the bed because she was like i could totally pin you down easy and then she does and you always noticed how beautiful she was but shes even more gorgeous when she's pinning your wrists to your hannnah montana duvet you promised yourself youd changed out before she came over but you forget and well she teased you about it and you cant help but giggle about how perfect this all is and it seems that the natural conclusion to this is to taste the strawberry lipgloss of her lips because whats a kiss between besties huh its tacky and sticky and it tastes like summer and just other apt metaphors to put here about the inherent -isms of their relationship that i nearly cant put to words properly other than girls having fun (they are fucking)
and well anyways benny is watching and he has a lot of things to say about how its been proceeding so far
"You should really use your words."
"I am!"
"Right because smelling like a fucking perfume shop in the middle of October is using your words."
"This usually works with most Alphas okay!"
"Sasha isn't most Alphas."
"Tell me about it." Matthew grouses before he peeks over to Sam, looking up from beneath his eyelashes—the exact way he knows both endears him to Sam but also absolutely miffs him all the same, "Worked on you, didn't it?"
"Oh, is that what we're doing right now? We're calling getting a lapful of a preening O in preheat in the middle of a roadie a normal way to go about these things."
"It worked didn't it?" Matthew reiterates.
"It would work better if you use—"
"Okay! Alright!! I get it!!!" He does not.
like benny here is unfortunately an active listening participant in the going ons of the fuckery if not because hes involved by proxy because of maffhew because who else will hold his hair back as he calls him a dumb bitch you know
#ask#i dont think we nearly take enough advantage of maffhew going to a catholic prepatory school#my friend who went to catholic schooling his whole life until highschool (where we met) dropped the bombshell of the door thing on me#to which i went you have to be fucking with me that cant be real and then i was like well i guess its good we're both boys then-#and then he goes oh my mom knows im queer the rule applies to boys too#and i just nervously looked over to the door knob like well uh maybe we should open the door? i dont want your mom to be mad-#and he was like oh shes convinced we've been fucking since we met so this is allowed youre the only boy she lets do this (the door thing)#a couple of years later when he moved out i found out friends weren't allowed over if he was alone in the house but i was the only exceptio#and i felt like the equivalent of a roving tomcat who keeps wandering into the gardens and got the neighbours cat daisy pregnant#i dont think i could ever look that woman in the eye after all that#this is all to say catholic schooling does things to you man#anyways i do have to reiterate every kitty is fucking each other on a normal basis and in an abo au it gets even worse#making our whorehouse a whorehome#ive always said this but flirting with a virgo is like flirting with a brickwall#actually thatd be an insult to the brickwall because at least the brickwall would give you something to work with#the humble virgo looks you in the eyes before they crush your ego with a single word and youre like thank you mistress may i have another#i feel for maffhew i really do#theres just so many funny ways this just goes terribly wrong because both maffhew and sasha are inherently messy people#matthew and sasha on a team outing sat next to each other in a booth and matthew gets a little tipsy and starts rubbing his cheek#on sashas shoulder and sasha is just looking over to benny like please. help. and benny just snorts and blatantly ignores#him as he continues to sip on his beer and sasha just turns to ekky and silently pleads with his eyes. PLEASE. HELP.#ekky huffs and looks away very much not thrilled about being involved in any form whatsoever and hes not gonna change his mind about this#*5 minutes later* and ekky finds himself switching spots with sasha with a cuddly maffhew on his arm and he's a little disgruntled about it#but its very hard to stay upset when maffhew keeps mumbling about how nice he smells and keeps trying to scent him#all over like he has any right to lay a claim when hes been in the pack for such a short time#and yeah okay maybe he preens a little bit at the compliment like just a little#and maybe he does like being treated like a glorified scratching post but matthew doesnt need to know that (matthew knows that)#well anyways
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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examining your relationship with your art can be fun
but watch out
#examine too hard and you'll have a crisis#or *another crisis if you're like me#sometimes yeah i think about it too hard and then i get the intense prey instinct#to chuck my tablet into a field and then take off sprinting in the other direction#though i know id just come creeping back like a cautious but curious deer. get a little closer. run away#closer. jump back. poke the tablet and run away. come back and poke it again.#its the 'what am i doing? am i doing what i want to do? am i enjoying this? is it hurting me?'#will admit i have these thoughts every other day#ill have like a good bit of fully enjoying art & what im scribbling#and then suddenly ill wake up the next day and its terrifying and Too Much and huh??? HUH???#i want to draw but im so so scared <3 but im being sooooo brave about it <3#anyway i think we should all destroy our electronics and run screaming into the woods#OH MY GOD SOON I CAN DO THAT.#not the electronics - i mean the running into the woods part#oh im so excited. when its all too much i can just walk in nature with no one around#that Will fix me! for sure!#when the Art Fear™️ comes back i can just... go away for a few hours and touch some motherfucking grass#AND MAYBE FORAGE SOME CHICKEN OF THE WOODS. I AM DYING TO HARVEST WILD CHICKEN OF THE WOODS.#LITERALLY HAS BEEN A LIFE GOAL FOR YEARS NOW#when the Art Fear™️ creeps in i can get some big chickeney mushrooms and cook em up. refresh my soul....#absolutely unprompted#but yeah sometimes i wonder if im drawing for myself or others. like drawing for others is fine but... i think there's a fine line#am i balancing it? am i Indulging enough? am i doing what i want to do enough???#are my people-pleaser tendencies consuming me again? am i feeling Pressure? hm. yeah its crisis time#am i living how i want. am i enjoying how i want. am i interacting with welcome home the way i want to.#i think im going to go do the dishes....
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Anybody know how to get rid of a curse 😭
#throwback to when i was a kid and my mother the monster that she is wished upon me to never be happy just as she isn't#and that i should never be granted love or happiness. just like her.#this happened repeatedly#my heart gets broken over and over while ppl around me find love and get to keep it and be happy#i feel so fucking broken. like im literally not a person. idk what im doing wrong#i love my friends' love. im genuinely happy to see them thrive#ive been alone and yearning for a quarter of a century#i cant take it anymore#of course i had to fall in love with someone who wont be with me#thats the easiest way to make sure im fucked up and alone for as long as possible#and it's happened several times#they may love me but they cant be w me#I'm literally so fucking sad#the one person who was gonna make it work. i made them hate me bc of some huge misunderstanding abt the nature of our relationship#i miss them the most in the whole world. i think about them constantly. biggest regret of my life#the grief of it all is eating me alive. i keep getting close to being happy n in love and. dare i say it. loved#and then its all getting ripped away from me. again and again#every day it hurts and it makes me paralysed and i cant do shit or be who i want. i wish i could b sedated forever#goodnight lol
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anyways here's my take on a summer caenis that DOESN'T give me insane second-hand dysphoria 👍 got rid of his noodle arms while i was at it
#fate grand order#fgo#caenis#caeneus#edits#listen the way fgo treats trans characters is just. UGH.#i absolutely don't want to take anything away from other trans people who DO identify with some aspect of their portrayal!! it's just.#imo Don't Put The Transmascs In Bikinis should be like rule number 1 of writing trans characters lmao#and i dont even feel qualified to talk about the transfem characters. astolfo d'eon da vinci im so sorry for everything forever#...btw if you REALLY don't agree please just block me. i am a working adult and we both have better things to do with our time (-_-)👍#mmkay rant over. anyway i didnt give caenis any bulge but im sure all you freaky fellows out there can use your imaginations.
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i’m not a transandrophobia truther in the slightest don’t get me wrong, but i think some people on here really need to realize and comprehend the fact that cis women, way WAY more often than not, hold extremely significant social and political power over trans men the vast majority of the time in our day to day lives
#sorry not to get on this bullshit i just saw a related post when i opened this app lmao#and by some people i don’t mean anyone in particular im not vagueing anyone or any specific post#and i especially don’t mean any transfem calling out transmisogynistic transmascs either#but yeah i see a lot of implication that trans men are like. somehow significantly privileged over cis women#and ofc i don’t mean that transmascs are incapable of being misogynistic to cis women bc that’s far from the case#but i need someone to name a transmasc with significant political or social or financial power that’s working to set back women’s rights#versus the amount of cis women with any of the aforementioned privileges working to take away the rights of trans people#bc i can think of 4 of the latter just off the top of my head without trying really hard#and the only day to day instance i can think of where trans men would hold significant power over a cis woman is like..#a workplace environment where he completely passes as cis and absolutely no one knows he’s trans at all or even suspects it#but then again most if not all of that privilege would be stripped away the second anyone there found out he was trans#but yeah i really do think some people need to grapple with how they conceptualize gendered privilege and their own power in these dynamics#and how that’s reflected in the way they think about/interact with transmascs#are you disgusted with this random transmasc on tumblr because he’s a man (or vaguely adjacent) or because he’s trans. ykwim#and again i hate the whole transandrophobia thing i think it’s stupid as shit and redundant to put it lightly and briefly but#idk why transmascs that believe in it have become the new face of anti-feminism and MRA movements#and not like. the cis men who started both of those things and contribute to the vast majority of that type of rhetoric in every way#and also hold enough power to leverage those beliefs over both women and also transmascs tbh#i think some people are just repulsed by the idea of anyone willingly wanting to be a man bc they see it as the same as becoming a cis man#in terms of privilege. when in reality by being trans you’re knocked down in terms of power and privilege from all cis people anyways#but also. some people also need to realize that transmascs can also have trauma and complicated feelings about being a man and patriarchy#and more often than not we ARE traumatized by the way cis men (and women!!) have treated us#and grapple with our place in the world as a result. it’s not just as simple as becoming a cis man over night tbh!!#and again i’m not talking about transfems with any of this because the vast Vast majority of transfems understand this more than anyone#i’m mostly talking about cis women both irl and also just in the terminally online leftist sphere#and i also think i should be allowed to vent my grievances with the power cis women often do wield over me without being accused of being a#raging misogynist or MRA or whatever
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...man I've really hit that stage of Old Womanhood where I seriously contemplate and long for novelisations of existing gaming / televised media? :/
#like who cares?? i used to step away from all forms of novelisation as a fanfic reader because...why do the same?#but now i'm like#oh the FRAMING that would be narratively possible; the inner monologues#the addressing of odd pacing issues and sequence problems that gameplay by its nature creates#the additional gapfiller scenes#the glimmers of backstory#the choice of a narrative eye which is a critical lens of the game's narrative eye itself#the layers jerry the layers#the way a close recreation in itself becomes a particular kind of critical dissection#@sarasa-cat *stares at that sending stones excel doc still alive in our shared gdocs*#i think: there's a lot of extremely good adaptations of stories to screen these days->#it's like wanting to do the reverse and take the moral of the above adaptations: it should *not* be the same thing but somehow find a way t#capture core meanings and intents and throw light on the Vibe of it all while being able to be a Different Thing
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Also I feel like some Muslims heard 'don't mix religion and culture' but like somehow turned that into 'we all should act exactly the same and erase any instance of cultural differences in the name of Islam'
#like calling people's cultural dress haram is not it#same with cultural music#say what you will but music is cultural and taking it away is erasing people's identities#like we're not all arab nor south asian and we shouldn't have to lose our identities bc we're muslim#I really love seeing differences amongst different islamic ethnic groups it's like seeing history#and it's like people being racist misogynistic and homophobic and transphobic in the so called name of islam#when that's the opposite of what you should be doing but policing people's clothes or something#you worried about the wrong thing#random
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