#this shit is awful cause this is the woman i’ve turned too at my worst moments

[dearreader]

okay, i can’t handle seeing anymore m*tty shit tonight cause i feel like i’m about to cry

[333sth]

dove. (frankie morales)

chapter ii. previous. series masterlist.

pairing: frankie morales x ofc (’dove’) no use of y/n

warnings: ptsd/military service, violence, injury detail, language, angsty.

summary: santi’s hunch is no longer a hunch, but only will knows how close they are to finding frankie’s girl. 

rating: mature wc: 1.8k 

When a strong hand had clamped around her shoulder, Dove’s instinct was to break it. It wasn’t menacing; they were just waiting at the bar to be served.

A burly, middle-aged man was towering beside her, clutching a beer bottle that looked miniature in his thick grasp. His arms, still holding the shadow of what was once impressive muscle, were littered with military tattoos. Dove could spot a stick-and-poke from a mile off.

“I recognise that,” He gestures to her neck, where a small Delta Force tattoo was usually disguised by her long hair. “You ex-forces? Delta?” 

She wanted to kick herself. The sticky atmosphere had gotten the better of her and she’d thrown her hair into a ponytail without thinking.

“Yeah, but that isn’t exactly public knowledge ‘round here.” She murmurs. 

Across the room, Roni throws her head back in exaggerated laughter. A group of men, who looked barely out of their teen years, had come over to make some desperate attempts at getting laid. Dove had excused herself to buy the next round after one of them had cracked a mortifying joke about liking older women.

“That’s understandable.” The man held out his hand, which she took hesitantly. “My name’s Mark, I just retired out here. Served for twenty three years.” He chuckled gruffly, his voice thick from cigarettes. “I got jack shit to show for it, mind you.”

“Tell me about it.” She laughs, but she doesn’t offer her name. 

Mark notices as the conversation lulls. “I trained with a guy who made Delta. Santiago Garcia - we called him Pope, ‘cause he just had that way about him. You probably knew him.”

Dove swallows, chest lurching. “Sounds familiar… You know how it is though, the nicknames all blur into one eventually.”

That’s a lie, you never forget your teammates’ names. Mark knows it and so does Dove. Thankfully, he doesn’t push a conversation she clearly doesn’t want to have, and raises his bottle to her.

“Well, it was nice to meet you anyway. Enjoy yourself out here.”

“You too, Mark.” She tries to smile, but her lips press into a thin line that probably looks more like a grimace.

*

Mark had called Santiago the following day, the alcohol-blurred memory peaking his interest once he remembered his old friend’s plea a few months back. He’d asked around for any heads-up if any ex-Delta women around their age popped up. Mark had thought the man was delusional when he’d heard. If she was Delta Force, she wouldn’t be found unless she wanted to be. 

Apparently, he was wrong. Maybe even the best of the best got rusty after a while.

The town Dove had been spotted in was questionable to Santiago. It was too cosmopolitan for a woman who was starting over. However, after a onceover on a map of Mexico, Santi spotted its smaller neighbour. He’d never heard of it, which meant it must be the place. Small population, right on the coast, with enough amenities and business to get by without any trouble.

“And, man, she had a wicked scar on her throat. Sort of shit you’d only see on a Delta.” Mark had added, with a chuckle. “I can’t imagine that ain’t your girl.”

‘Dove isn’t my girl,’ Santi wanted to bite back instinctually. He bit his tongue, and instead offered, “It sounds like her. I can’t thank you enough, brother.”

*

Santiago only told Will what he knew about Dove. He had the mind to retain that information no matter what this trip threw at them. Plus, he trusted him with his life, plus a couple other lives that came to mind. Call it insurance, if things went south.

Plus, Will didn’t have Tom’s mouth, or twisted morality. Tom was more than willing to accept that Dove would miss out on their prospective fortune, that the ‘hunch’ would have to wait until Lorea was dealt with. Santiago knew his brothers well enough to know Benny would throw a hissy fit if they knew where Dove was and she wasn’t included. She’d spent enough time stitching up their war-torn skin and shoving them out of bullets to deserve a cut.

So, Pope told a little white lie. They had a stop in Mexico to meet with a contact. 

Frankie had murmured, “Better be worth it, stuck in this shitty car with you fuckers for ten hours.” 

Santiago resisted the urge to agree. God, he hoped it would be worth it too. He hoped he wasn’t driving them into a dead end, a bluff on Mark’s part. Or even worse, invading Dove’s beautiful new life without them. That would destroy everything; Dove, the boys, Frankie. What if she had settled down? What if he pulled into that idyllic beach bar she wanted and she’s there, a baby with the same brilliant eyes balanced on her hip? She was never sure about kids. A vivid mental picture of the wrong diamond, glistening on her ring finger in the afternoon sun, and the wrong man pecking her lips, made Santi physically wince. 

Fish would never forgive him. Will and Benny would never forgive him. He’d never forgive himself. 

It was a long, apprehensive drive. Santi’s eyes were drying, squinting against the headlights that occasionally glared past them. His jaw had been clenched for the last few hours as his anxiety grew, nothing but open road to stare at while he contemplated over and over as to whether it was the right decision. It didn’t help that Frankie never really slept like the others did on the move. While the other boys passed out, Frankie’s soft eyes continued scanning the scene flying past the window. It was like he stayed awake to watch Pope’s back, as if they were still in combat, or as an unspoken act of kindness to keep him company. 

Really, Frankie was a terrible sleeper. Santi remembered that from the early days, before he and Dove gave it up and became an item. He was the last to drift off and first to wake up, always restless. Once Dove started tip-toeing over to his cot in the night, he became the worst snorer in the division. Always splayed on his front, one arm tossed over Dove’s waist and the other under his pillow. She’d kick him in the night so he’d roll over and shut up, but it never lasted long. 

One night, Benny had enough, and groaned to Dove, “Put us out of our fuckin’ misery and smother him with your pillow, for the love of God.”

Dove had snapped back, “Fuck off, Benny, just ‘cause you aren’t getting any of the action doesn’t mean you have to get all bitter.”

“I’ve told you guys - I’m more than willing to join in-”

“Ben.” Frankie grumbled into her shoulder. It was gruff with sleep but still menacing enough to make the hairs on Dove’s arms stand on end.

Before a pillow smacked into his head, Benny guffawed, “Oh, so he is alive after all.”

*

Wringing a soft rag for polishing glasses between her fingertips, Dove descends the wooden steps at the entrance of the bar. The last huddle of regulars holler behind her, wrapping up their weekend drinks as the evening creeps closer to the early hours; Dove always notices the time when moths start colliding with the lanterns.

Roni rises from a crouch on the ground, dropping a paintbrush into a can with a clatter. “See, your own little touch!” 

The wooden panels that constructed the side of the bar, usually concealed by a stack of cardboard beer boxes, is decorated with little doves. Despite studying criminology, mainly for the satisfaction of her parents, Roni loved painting and insisted on brightening the exterior of their beach shack.

Dove cracks a half-smile. “It’s lovely, Ron. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” She beams, throwing the half-empty cans into the nearby bins. She pauses, glancing hesitantly at the older woman over her shoulder,  “Dove’s not your real name, right?”

“No, no. Nickname from when I was nursing overseas.” Dove chuckles, before adding, “Feels more like my real name than my Christian one nowadays.”

Roni passes Dove on the steps as she returns to the bar, “It suits you. You’re always graceful, but… you’re fucking fast.”

Dove laughs with her, ignoring the familiar clench in her chest. It’s exactly what Frankie used to say. The difference is Roni notices when she almost drops a glass, or her tray of drinks starts to wobble, and Dove is there to catch it with such fluidity Roni never saw her coming. Even the way Dove’s knife slices through fruit like each piece is a slab of melted butter. Frankie witnessed the extreme of that, the stealth and grace that usually ensured the enemy was dead before the others had even thought to raise their guns. Still, he admired her the same way Roni was right now. It was like awe.

It’s probably because he loved her effortlessly, every single aspect of her being without a glimmer of doubt or judgement. And now he wasn’t here.

The group of regulars stumbling down the steps break Dove from her thoughts, chortling and wishing her goodnight. One of the older men turns and jerks his thumb towards the road, “You might wanna tell them you’re closing, bonita.”

Before the road becomes the sand, there is a small, dusty wasteland that doubles as a makeshift car park. A vehicle is parked, glaring headlights facing towards the ocean and forming peculiar, alien-like beams in the dark. She’s definitely getting rusty; she’d barely registered the idling truck.

“I’ll sort ‘em out, Miguel, don’t you worry.”

“Oh, I don’t doubt it,” He jokes, waving to her. “Buenos noches, Dove.”

Military habits are practically impossible to shake, and immediately, Dove’s mind launches into overdrive. She raises her hand above her eyes, squinting against the blinding white LEDs in an attempt to make out a registration plate or even a recognisable model. Her mind is fine-tuned to memorise; most of the locals’ cars are already catalogued in her memory, but this isn’t one of them.

Maybe they’re tourists, ready to push their luck with the opening times. That’s the reasonable side of Dove’s mind. The irrational, dark edges whisper, ‘What if someone found you?’ By someone, it means someone bad. Someone she wronged during her service, an enemy or straggler that got away. Even a civilian that might have been caught in the crossfire. She thought about those ghosts often. Hell, some of them she could still name. When she can’t sleep, sometimes she lists them, pictures their faces if she can recall them, just in case they ever came back.

She inhales a sharp gust of ocean air through her nostrils, welcoming the clarity that spreads through her mind. Parting her lips (the lips Frankie always teased were in a permanent pout), she released the breath slowly, trying to relax the stressed scrunch in her features.

“Your face is gonna get stuck like that someday.”

The voice is familiar. A deep, breathy chuckle, barrel-toned and gravelly. It sounds like home.

taglist: @mishasminion360

[xaibaugrove]

Everyone in the Krew is Problematic

I was inspired to go on this rant by someone who recently brought up a question in a server I’m in, asking why so many people in the fandom seem to hate Mako and Makorra and why. This wouldn’t be the first time I defend Mako and it most likely won’t be the last, but it might be the first time I tear him and everyone else in the Krew down in the process, only to bring them back up. Hear me out though.

I think I’ve totally accepted that a lot of people in this fandom will always hate Mako and that I will have to perpetually defend him, I understand that this is the relationship I’ve chosen with this world. But what I still will never understand are the reasons why people hate/dislike him because compared to how much they love other characters in the Krew who honestly aren’t that much better than him (in some cases, even worse!), it doesn’t make any sense.

Let me also preface this by saying, I love these characters with all my heart and soul, probably more than I should love fictional characters, but this is the life I live and with that being said, I am going to tear them apart just to prove a point. Okay, here we go.

MAKO

Most of his detractors list the usual criticisms, which are valid when isolated. He cheated on Asami, he lied to Korra, he was a terrible boyfriend and essentially he treated the women he claimed to love or care about horribly. Gee, it’s almost like the man was a teenager with no experience in having long-lasting, healthy relationships and was raised in the streets by gangmembers while doing anything to survive and provide for his younger sibling after seeing his parents killed right in front of him and suddenly being orphaned…

I think Mako has been torn down enough, so I won’t get too deep into the tearing down part for him. It really does baffle me how someone can claim to be woke and not comprehend how someone coming from poverty could possibly be a product of their environment. Like, does everyone think that poor people automatically have hearts of gold and turn out like Little Orphan Annie? Why are people surprised that when someone has a shitty life, they might do shitty things?

Also, sooo many people love Zuko, who actively tried to cause harm to Aang, Katara and Sokka numerous times, and sympathize with his troubled past. But like, sure Zuko had an abusive father and his mother peaced out of his life for whatever reasons but at least he had his uncle. Mako had his parents for maybe 8 years before they were murdered in front of him and then had...no one for the next 10 years? Except for Bolin, sure, but no other parental figure in his life. Dude literally had to become him and his brother’s own parent and joined a gang to survive, and after all that, the worst he does is acts as a bad boyfriend toward Korra and Asami and he is instantly thrown to the wolves. Something doesn’t add up. It’s just...I don’t get it.

Yes, the way he treated people was bad, but people can grow? That’s a thing humans can do. And he was a teenager, my god. No, we cannot allow our past to be an excuse for how we treat others, but we have to be aware that there is a growth process to being human. And being human in and of itself, isn’t pretty. You think Mako is problematic? Don’t get me started on your fave.

KORRA

Ok, I love this woman to death but she is ridiculously problematic. She pursued someone in a relationship and essentially forced Mako to cheat on Asami by kissing him against his will, that’s already pretty awful and shows a lack of empathy on her part, also kissing people without their consent is no bueno. But also I just have to say it for the people who might not know this. One of the fundamental reasons why Makorra didn’t work was because KORRA WAS ABUSIVE. Okay? It wasn’t just that Mako was inadequate at relationships and didn’t know how to people, it wasn’t that she was secretly confused and wanting Asami the entire time (biphobia at it’s best) one of the main problems in the pairing was that Korra was crazy abusive towards Mako. Seriously, why don’t I see this more often in those discussions??

If we need examples, I have dozens. Honestly, it’s really easy to see how terrible Korra was to Mako, I’d actually argue that she treated him worse than he treated her. I mean, they were both terrible to one another, but in Korra’s case she went through the motions of being completely infatuated with your first teenage crush, getting with said crush, then crashing and burning once you realize that you have no idea how to treat a romantic partner so after the butterflies wear off you subject them to all the wonderful aspects of your anger issues. Not only did she scream at Mako during every argument they had, she also threatened him with bodily harm if she got really angry. Remember how their relationship crashed and burned in Book 2? Here are the things that Korra did during that time. Let me reiterate, this was not okay.

Mako is visibly shaken by this!

This woman burst into her boyfriend’s place of work and violently kicked his desk out from in front of him with all his coworkers present. That is not normal behavior. That is a red flag. And after she came back, had amnesia or whatever and forgot they broke up after that scene, let’s not forget that Mako was legitimately Afraid to break up with her again. Korra made her partner frightened that they might suffer bodily harm if they upset her. Again, and I can’t stress this enough, this is not okay!

The little scene in Book 3 when Korra is lifting Mako like 100 feet off the ground with airbending while he’s screaming in fear just to make Asami laugh is cute, right? I’ll admit, I loved that little moment too, it’s one of the only instances of Korrasami development that we got, but also, there were sooo many things wrong with that scene lol. Not only does Korra terrify Mako for literally no reason, it’s also sort of just her continuing to exercise some degree of power over him for her own amusement. Almost like a subtle reminder to him saying, “I am stronger than you in every way and I can break your femur like a twig if I wanted to… but I won’t, so look how much fun we’re having!”

Now of course, there are reasons why Korra acts like this. She was isolated for almost her entire life and never learned how to treat people and be around people. The Avatar is human because they must live amongst the people they protect and that helps them develop empathy and cherish life. The White Lotus deprived her of that fundamental aspect of her duty as the Avatar and it showed throughout the beginning of the series. Clearly, she was young, didn’t see how her actions could negatively affect others and hurt the feelings of not just her partner but also friends and family (she was really awful towards a lot of people in her life!). But as the series went on, we see her having less outbursts and learning to control her temper more.

One can only assume that she does not have the same behavior with Asami because for one, I don’t think Asami would play that shit, she seems like she would electrocute a bitch in a heartbeat and not hesitate if needed, but also Korra is not the same shitty partner she used to be as a teenager. Again, kids do stupid things. Adults do stupid things. And we learn and we grow. Korra will probably make some more mistakes in her relationship with Asami. I don't think anyone can have one bad relationship and suddenly learn all the lessons they can from it and have a perfect one the next go around. I can totally picture Korra losing her temper and raising her voice at Asami if she gets frustrated and forgets who she’s dealing with. Managing anger issues is hard, I know this from experience, and it doesn’t magically get easier. Of course, if Korra does pop off, Asami would definitely put her in her place because she’s a bad bitch who doesn’t take anyone’s shit, next character.

ASAMI

You know her, you love her, you fantasize about her and you probably have her on your list of fictional characters you would totally bang if you had the chance (I know I do), yes, even your best girl is problematic. It’s interesting to me that a lot of people sympathize with Asami and very few openly criticize her (so few that I’ve never seen anyone say a bad thing about her). What’s there to criticize though? The poor girl was cheated on by Mako, had her feelings disregarded by Korra, who claimed to be her friend but pursued her then-boyfriend behind her back and then made up for it by simping for her for the rest of her life? Also her mom was murdered when she was just 6 years old, her father threatened to kill her once and physically abused her, then died right after they started repairing their relationship, essentially making her an orphan at the ripe age of 22. Suffice it to say, Asami has been through it.

So, how could she be problematic, you ask? Why, of course, through the classic Bryke technique of romance progression in storylines called Kissing People Without Their Consent

To be honest, I did gloss over this with Korra, simply because there were sooo many other issues with that woman and I just couldn’t go through every single one in as much detail but that doesn’t negate how serious this whole sneak attack kissing thing is. Sure, Asami is very emotional and lonely and sort of desperate too, (it's a little sad, really) but Mako is clearly uncomfortable and completely caught off guard by the kiss. This is also the second time this happens to him in the series! There are a couple factors that might contribute to why Asami does this and acts this way, maybe Korra’s general awfulness rubbed off on her (don’t make a dirty joke) but this is still wrong.

AND that’s...pretty much it. Kissing people without their permission is a big no no, though. Not wanting to gloss over that, but Asami really is a good person who just did a not-so-great thing. Getting burned by Mako twice probably made her a little less inclined to be as forward with anyone though, and it looks like she now takes her time and is patient in her relationship with Korra. It even seems like Asami is the only person Korra is afraid to upset, as Korra does seem more gentle and calm when around her. And who knows? Maybe Asami living a life where a majority of the time she got whatever she wanted when she wanted it might have also influenced her to be more assertive or even imposing within her relationships.

If anything, those three fools getting into relationships with each other just showed how not ready they were to be in relationships in the first place and also how not okay they were.

BOLIN

Originally I titled this as “Everyone in the Krew is problematic (except Bolin)” but then I remembered that Bolin totally kissed a woman without her consent so I deleted the shit out of that!

This asshole looks genuinely pleased with himself after essentially assaulting Ginger. Not a good look.

Sure, Bolin is baby. He will always be baby to me. But that does not erase the fact that he also actively supported a fascist dictator. Not only was the kissing without consent thing bad, but there’s also that. No matter how many times people around him warned him about the fact that he was on the wrong side of things, that he was helping someone who was putting people into concentration camps...Bolin wanted to believe the best of Kuvira. He ignored obvious signs that the woman was a dictator committing human rights violations like crazy and you know, there’s gotta be a reason for that too.

Maybe Bolin wanted to feel like he was doing something good for once. When you think about it, with his role as the comic relief in the Krew, and sort of constantly being infantilized by his older brother, I wouldn’t be surprised if the man developed some insecurity in his ability to do anything good or useful for anyone without screwing it up in some way. In Kuvira’s army, it seemed like he was actually taken seriously, he felt like he was doing something that mattered. Korra had being the Avatar, Asami had her business and mindblowing philanthropy (honestly, her ability to be as charitable as she is profitable is insane) and Mako had his police work (ACAB, tho). Bolin had...the role of being a joke. A superficial actor. A former pro-bending meathead.

Bolin lived his entire life following after his brother that once they were adults and Mako finally decided to live his own life for once, it left Bolin completely lost. And lost young men are perfect recruits for fascists.

So, in conclusion, my whole reasoning behind destroying the integrity of my favorite characters is to prove a huge point. All of these characters are problematic. They have flaws, some bigger than others (looking at you, Korra. Just...wow), but ultimately, even if your fave is problematic... that’s okay. A lot of people, mostly younger people it seems, are really obsessed with being right about everything that they do and stan. And that’s a wonderful thing, so much change has come about by the younger generations calling out people who do fucked up shit, don’t want or try to improve, and get away with it. But it’s also caused a lot of people to be unforgiving and completely unwilling to acknowledge when people do improve and try to be better.

Personally, I love my problematic Krew because having issues that you’re constantly working on internally is human. It’s human to make mistakes, it’s human to grow from those mistakes. And it’s inspiring to me, who is wholly imperfect, to see myself reflected in fictional characters who aren’t perpetuating unrealistic ideals of human nature, characters who are messy, crazy and ultimately human.

As one of my favorite manga artists and queen of impeccable character creation Rumiko Takahashi once said:

“I think that perfect people are not very interesting.”

And I will always wholeheartedly agree.

[tinyboxxtink]

Weird Secret Friends *Chapter 3*

I fixed it!!!! Huzzah!!!

If you didn't see it earlier, it was crap-tastic on my phone.

I'm glad so far people love this. <3

Part 2

Part 4

Tag List

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

@objection-argumentative

-------------

When you returned everyone was laughing at chatting, except for Sonny who was drinking vodka and soda while on his phone. He looked up and saw you both returning, he jumped up to meet you.

“Hey, counselor. I hope Y/N wasn’t too hard on you,” He half laughed.

“Are you kidding me, Sonny?” You scoffed.

“She’s fine, Sonny,” He smirked. “I like a little fire in a woman,”

“Oh?” Sonny’s eyebrows suddenly raised, causing you to give Barba a look. He was blowing your cover!

“I mean, I expect it from Jersey girls anyway,” He flipped his compliment quickly.

“God…” You muttered, looking at the floor. Pick a side, counselor.

“Anyway, um,” Sonny cleared his throat, trying not to think about Rafael and you together. “So when do we do presents and cake? I’ve kind of got an early--”

“I’m sorry, what?” Rafael furrowed his brows at Sonny. “Did you-- Carisi did you really just say that?”

“Do you see a present table? Do you see a giant rat mascot running around?”

“...What? Did I say something--?” Sonny became flustered.

“What do you think this is, a fucking Chuck E Cheese?” He suddenly snapped, causing shocked looks from both you and Sonny.

“I’m sorry Barba, I--”

“Alright that’s it,” You stepped in between the two of them, glaring at Rafael.

“Excuse you?” Rafael crossed his arms.

“Y/N, knock it off,” Sonny hit you softly.

“You have been nothing but rude to my cousin since we got here, Mr. Barba,” You pointed a finger to his chest.

“He was just trying to be nice, getting you a gift out of the goodness of his heart, something you would know nothing about!” Maybe now you were overcompensating.

“Y/N!” Sonny said through gritted teeth.

“What?!” You turned to see everyone at the party staring at the three of you in shocked silence. “Oh…” Your voice turned soft, your face turned red.

“Well,” Rafael straightened his suit and tie, recovering from your little rant. “I guess I should be a gracious host and open it then, shouldn’t I?” He gave you a look.

“...Holy shit,” You heard one of the guests gasp. “That thing is over $1,000! My wife wouldn’t even get me that for Christmas,”

“NO!” Sonny objected rather loudly,. “I mean, that’s not necessary Barba. It’s just a little something, it’s fine,”

“No no, your cousin is right,” He shook his head as he walked over next to Sonny’s chair and retrieved the large gift bag and placed it on the table. Sonny bolted over, you trailed behind quickly.

“No, seriously Barba, don’t,” Sonny began to panic. You suddenly realized how this was going to look, maybe you shouldn’t have pushed.

“Carisi why are you being like--” Rafael was questioning him but was silenced mid-speech when he pulled out the briefcase. His eyes went wide, you swore you heard a few people audibly gasp, You looked around completely lost, finally noticing the absolute horror on Sonny’s face.

“....Is this a Louis Voutton Robusto 2 in Taiga leather, Carisi?” Rafael whispered, running his fingers over the fine leather.

“Oh my god,” You couldn't watch this. Sonny had such a big heart, too big of a heart. He tried so hard...why didn’t you step in sooner?

“Uh y-yeah, sure Barba whatever you want,”

“Carisi, can I speak with you a moment outside?” Rafael blinked rapidly, trying to wrap his head around what was happening right now.

“Do you guys need somewhere to make out?!” An obnoxious man laughed, making the other guests snicker.

“Oh shove it Buchanan,” Rita hit him. “Sonny’s just his puppy,”

“Oh god,” Sonny muttered under his breath as he followed Barba outside. He didn’t know which was worse for people to think right now.

“This is totally inappropriate, why would you even--” He threw his hands over his head. God it was one thing knowing Sonny had a thing for him, but for him to finally make a move like this-- in front of his peers? His colleagues? The audacity.

You wondered if you should follow them. You were the one to cause this mess, after all. Also you really didn’t like the looks you were getting from the rest of the party-goers. You quickly began to follow after them, you could hear Rafael yelling from a mile away.

“What the hell is WRONG with you, Carisi?!”

“I-I’m sorry, Barba I--”

“WHAT?!” Sonny’s eyes instantly went to you. “W-Why would you…? Why would you say that?”

“I’m sorry, counselor I just thought--”

“You just thought what, Carisi?” He growled. “That if you bought some ridiculously expensive gift I’d suddenly realized you were ‘the one’?”

“What?!” Sonny suddenly snapped. “What the-- what the fuck are you talking about, Barba?”

“Uh I don’t know Carisi, maybe the fact that you have feelings for me?”

“What?” Rafael suddenly realized either you were wrong, or he was sticking to denial. Either way, he was probably busted.

“I bought you that briefcase because I want you to like me as a COLLEAGUE, Barba. Do you know what kind of clout you get in our field by being friends with the ADA? And-- And nothing I do ever seems to be good enough, I was afraid you’d never...accept me, unless I…”

“Bribed me?” Rafael asked softly.

“I--I don’t know, I--”

“Well,” Sonny shrugged uncomfortably. “When you say it like that it sounds dirty,”

“Right,” Rafael rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

“....But why, in the fuck--” Sonny crossed his arms now. “Would you ever accuse me of--- of that?!”

“Is it because you have feelings for me and you were hoping I felt the same way but it freaked you out when I made some ‘declaration of love’ in front of all of your work buddies?”

“WHAT?!” Rafael practically screamed. “Absolutely not--”

“I’m just gonna ask you one time, straight out,” Sonny approached Rafael, his stature over him becoming more obvious the closer he got to the ADA.

“Then why? Have I seriously given you an impression that I-- want your cannoli?” He tried to find an appropriate word. And he was genuinely asking, he had made damn sure not to act that way for so long, there was no way he had fucked that up.

“Uh...yes, yes you have,” Rafael tried to bluff. He had no idea how this situation had flipped, or if it was better for Sonny to think he had feelings for him, and not his baby cousin.

“That’s bullshit,” Sonny shook his head with a sarcastic laugh. “I have made damn sure--” He glanced at you again, he knew that look. That was the same look you had when you had broken his mom’s favorite vase and had blamed it on the dog.

“Damn sure what?” Rafael quickly tried to distract him.

“Damn sure you didn’t think that,” He answered hazily, thoughts filling his mind.

“Because you do,” Rafael tried to keep defensive.

“....This isn’t about me, this is about you,” Sonny’s eyes suddenly narrowed as he was quickly becoming aware of the glances you at Rafael were sharing.

“Ohh no I think it’s about--”

“WHY would you accuse me of trying to...seduce you?!” Sonny cut him off.

“Does that sound like something I would do, whether it was true or not?”

“So it IS--”

“DAMMIT, Rafael!” Sonny stomped his foot. He was getting bold now as the wheels started turning.

“What?” Rafael laughed like it was ridiculous, looking everywhere but Sonny’s eyes. “When would she even--”

“...Did my cousin say something to you?” His eyes were narrow, he was scowling between the two of you. Fuck. FUCK. Don’t panic. Keep your cool. Don’t move.

“When you followed her just now?” He crossed his arms again.

Whew. Well, thank God. At least that bullet was dodged.

"Was she? Because it seems like telling you was the worst thing she could do!!!" Sonny snapped.

“....She might have said something along those lines,” Rafael glanced at you with apologetic eyes as he threw you under the bus.

“Wha-- are you kidding me?!” You hissed at him, but Sonny was already fuming at you.

“Y/N!!! What the fuck is wrong with you?!” He started to stomp over to you. “You can’t just throw your assumptions at people, because you think your ‘emotionally stunted’ cousin can’t deal with some confusing feelings he has,”

“Uh…”

“Ya can’t just SHOVE someone out of a closet!” He kept yelling, oblivious to the stares he was now getting. “Especially not to my boss!!!”

“Sonny, I--”

“See I knew it!” Rafael clapped his hands together, trying to rescue you after he threw you to the sharks. “I knew you had feelings for me, I didn’t need her to tell me,”

“FINE,” Sonny threw his hands up. “Fine, Rafael. You win, okay?” He struggled with tears forming in his throat. “Yeah, I’ve had some-- weird, feelings about you. For a while,”

You and Rafael just stared at him while he “came out” to an entire restaurant.

“And alright, maybe I went a little overboard with the gift, my bad,” He shrugged. "But that doesn't excuse Y/N for telling you her conspiracy theories!"

"Carisi…" Barba sighed. "She was just trying to help."

"Y'know what YN, would you mind finding somewhere else to crash tonight, i can't really look at you right now," he sighed as he turned and walked awkwardly out of the restaurant.

"Sonny I am so--" you tried to apologize.

"Well you heard the man," He grinned, totally unphased by what just happened.

"I'm sure he'll--" his face went from a soft smile into a horrified expression.

"Are you fucking kidding me Rafael?" You scoffed at him in disbelief.

"Well at least he doesn't suspect anything between us!" He pointed out.

"Yeah just that I'm a horrible outing twat," you rolled your eyes.

"Aw carino," He pulled you into a soft comforting kiss.

"What's wrong?" You asked softly, afraid to turn around.

"How fucking DARE you say that, Barba. I'm not some fucking jealous teenager, although clearly that's your type,"

"Oh my god..." you heard Sonny's voice behind you. "Oh my God!"

You definitely didn't want to turn around now.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Sonny now stormed over to the two of you.

I can't fucking believe you Y/N! What the fuck is this? How did this happen?"

"Sonny I--" You tried to explain,

"And YOU--" He glared at Rafael. "You had the fucking audacity to sit there and start yelling at me for "inappropriate feelings'," he growled.

"Carisi…." Rafael put a hand up.

"What the fuck do you call seducing my baby cousin??" He snarled.

'Look Carisi I know you might be jealous, but--" Before Rafael could finish his sentence, Sonny's fist was hitting his face and he fell to the ground.

"Hey!" You exclaimed.

"This isn't about my feelings, jackass," he went to punch him again but you ran over and tried to pull him off Rafael as a crowd of spectators was forming.

"Which by the way, you have zero worry of those anymore, I'm not into perverts," he spat.

"Sonny!" You gasped. "...the hell is wrong with you?!"

"We're leaving," he instructed you.

"Like hell we are," you went to help Rafael up.

"Sonny, even if you were my dad, I'm a grown woman," you snapped. "You can't drag me out of here like a child,"

"YN," Sonny had that soft, scary, angry tone. "I practically raised you. I'm the closest thing you have to a dad. So when I say we're leaving, we're leaving."

"Either you come with me right now, or I'm disowning you," he threatened.

"Are you fucking kidding me Son?" You laughed at the absurdity of the threat.

"I'll stop paying for your classes at the community college," he threatened.

Well not only did he just threaten your academics but he embarrassed the hell out of you revealing you weren't even in a real college.

"So?" You stood your ground. "Go for it,"

"I'll stop paying your rent," He kept going.

"Well that's--" You started getting nervous.

"I'll stop payments on your car,"

"OKAY," You finally caved. You just wanted to stop revealing what a fucking sad sack you were having him pay for everything, just like a dad.

You looked at Rafael who was standing now, winding his bloody mouth with a handkerchief from a pocket in his suit.

"I'm sorry," you barely whispered with tears in your eyes and throat. The last thing You wanted to do was leave him there but as Sonny so blatantly pointed out, he basically owned you.

You gave him one last long kiss goodbye, to which Sonny made a disgusted scoff.

Rafael gave you a look of pleading, begging you to stay with him while he held onto your hand. You pulled your hand away from him and turned to Sunny

"Alright let's go Son," you said softly trying not to glance back at Rafael.

Sonny nodded triumphantly and walked out of the restaurant with you close behind, leaving Rafael alone.

[bellshells]

A Moment of Bliss

REQUEST: I would love a Sirius x Reader x Lupin smut, where they treat her like a whore but are really cute afterwards. 

Pairing: Sirius Black x Fem!Reader x Remus Lupin Warnings: Mentions of war, Alcohol, Langauge, Smut (oh good dear lord the smut) Summary: Reader decides that everyone needs a break, and after a nice meal some naughty shit goes down.  Word Count: 6.7k+

  You sighed and rubbed your eyes. It was all too much, there was news daily now and none of it was good. Seeing the smiling faces of Marlene McKinnon and her parents on the cover of The Daily Prophet had caused you to fear the worst. You watched as Marlene’s father kissed her cheek as her mother waved, they were celebrating Marlene’s birthday when that picture was taken, she looked truly beautiful. You remember it well, how you had laughed and danced, a welcome break from the horrors of the war. You remembered with a smile how lucky Marlene’s parents had felt that they were able to bring Marlene’s friends together to celebrate their special girls’ birthday. You couldn’t believe their luck either now, how terrible it was. It had been months since they had been murdered, yet seeing her face plastered across the front page of The Daily Prophet caused your heart to ache with grief.

You felt a tentative touch on your shoulder and reached with trembling fingers to clasp the hand there, and leant your cheek against it.   “You shouldn’t read it if it makes you upset.” A soft voice said behind you, you chuckled darkly and turned to face him.   “Then I wouldn’t read anything at all, Remus.” You paused; your lip quivered as you gazed at the face of your lost friend. “I just can’t believe she’s gone.” You replied, you tried to smile at Remus but stopped short as his brow furrowed in concern.   “Have you seen the awful guff that Skeeter woman has written about her?” Sirius called from the doorway, he wore a grim expression and held his own copy of the Prophet in his hand. “We can’t let this go unpunished, Moony.” Remus nodded and gave your shoulder a subtle squeeze.   “I know, but we must act cautiously, Sirius. We can’t let her death be in vain. You’re no use to anybody if you get yourself killed.”   “Dreadful.” You added quietly, more to yourself than to anybody else. Sirius stalked into the room, his eyes never on one spot for more than a few seconds.   “How is it that we are expected to do nothing? After everything that’s happened, after everything we’ve…sacrificed. It isn’t enough!” Sirius stalked to the tapestried wall and punched it hard, he groaned as he pulled his hand away and shook it fiercely. The rooms of Grimmauld Place were quiet now, what once had been busy as the headquarters for The Order of the Phoenix, were now still as more and more allies lost their lives. Remus was upon his friend in an instant, he grasped Sirius by the shoulders and tried to calm him.   “We mustn’t fall apart, brother. Not now.” Remus breathed, he took Sirius’ face in his hands and forced the bearded man to look in his eyes. “We haven’t come this far for nothing. She was special, one in a million, and I promise she will be avenged.” Sirius was defiant for a moment, he tried to free himself from Remus’ grip; but after a second more, he relented and sighed.   “Yes.”

  You stood quietly and made your way over to the two men; you hadn’t been close friends at school. You hadn’t been particularly close during the beginning of the war; but as the numbers thinned out as more and more people were killed, you clung to those who you knew you could trust. You slipped in between the two men and grasped both of their hands.   “Let’s go and get some food. It’s been a long day, let’s have a drink for Marlene. She wouldn’t want us to mope about.” You looked between them, a sad smile settled onto Remus’ scarred mouth and Sirius squeezed your hand in agreement. You nodded at them both and lead them from the house, it was dark outside, and you kept to the shadows as you crept through the quiet streets toward Muggle London.

*******

  “Leicester Square? Really?” Sirius asked with a quirked eyebrow, you pushed him toward the door to an Italian restaurant.   “Yes, it’s busy and full of people. We’re not likely to come across anyone other than muggles having a Friday night out. Okay?” You chided as you waited for a muggle waiter to seat you at a table. Sirius squirmed uncomfortably at your side, Remus on the other smiled warmly down at you and placed a gentle hand on your back as you followed the waiter further into the restaurant. The restaurant was heaving with people, groups of friends laughed rowdily at circular tables whilst couples held hands and whispered to one another on smaller ones. You grinned at the normality of it all, you wondered what it must be like to have no knowledge of what was happening out there, of what you had lost.   “What would you like to drink, (Y/N)?” Remus asked as he passed a menu in your direction, you accepted it gladly and turned to the waiter who stood with a notepad and pen in his hand.   “Pinot Noir please lovely, bottle-one glass, thank you.” You said and with a fleeting look of judgement which you brushed off; the waiter wrote it down.   “Yourself, sir?” He asked as he leaned down to hear Sirius as he scoured the menu.   “Chablis.” Sirius answered curtly, you kicked him under the table and Sirius scowled. “Thank you.”   “Is that a bottle, sir?” The waiter asked, his look now nonplussed as he shifted his weight.   “Yes, thank you. Been a bitch of a day.” Sirius cleared his throat and offered you a pithy look. You shook your head and turned your attention back to the food on offer.   “Long Island Iced Tea for me please, sir.” Remus said cheerfully, the waiter looked surprised at Remus’ order and a flash of humour crossed his face. Remus blushed and averted his eyes as the waiter confirmed the order and with a wink in Remus’ direction left the table.   “You’ve made a friend, Moony.” Sirius wiggled his eyebrows as Remus blushed and sank into his chair.   “I didn’t know you were gay, Remus! That’s fantastic!” You said and Sirius erupted into laughter. You watched as the two men exchanged looks over the table. “Have I missed something?”   “No, (Y/N). Remus isn’t…gay. But you do like to dabble, don’t you Moony?” Sirius clasped his hands on the table and cocked his head to the side. Remus slammed his menu down and pointed his finger at Sirius.   “You’re one to talk. I’m sure I could tell (Y/N) some excellent stories about you and your exploits, Padfoot.” Remus snapped, Sirius threw his head back and let out one short laugh.   “I’ve done things that would make a whore blush, and unlike you, I have noting to hide.” Sirius said, his eyes sparkled in the dim light of the restaurant. You looked bewilderedly between the two men, this power play between the pair of them was delicious and strangely erotic. You could feel your own blush tickle your cheeks as Remus cast his eyes over you, his mouth a thin line on his usually soft face.   “I think you’re making (Y/N) uncomfortable, Sirius. This isn’t really appropriate dinner conversation, is it?” Remus retorted, Sirius cast a glance in your direction and seeing your red cheeks, smiled. He inched his hand closer to yours on the table, his fingertips barely touched yours and yet you felt like you had been struck by lightning. The corner of Sirius’ mouth twitched into a smirk; his moustache twirled perfectly at the sides accentuated it as his face was illuminated by the candlelight. Seconds later, Remus’ knee brushed against yours under the table and you felt the warmth of the contact inch up your thigh as the blush on your cheeks spread over your body.     “I can hold my own Remus, thank you.” You replied quietly, aware of how both men watched you as you fiddled with the menu. “I can hold my own.”   “I’m sure you can.” Sirius said under his breath. The tension continued to grow between the three of you, even when the waiter appeared with your drinks and took your food order, his keen attention fixed on Remus; Remus stared at you. His breathing was shallow, and you could see his knuckles were white as he balled his hand into a tight fist on the table. You couldn’t help but notice how dark his eyes looked as you passed his gaze over his face, the soft contours of his cheeks and the scars that had lived there for as long as you could remember. He had a sort of ethereal beauty about him that was impossible to deny, the gentle exterior and the darkness that was promised underneath by the swathes of battle marks across his flesh.

  You allowed Sirius to pour your wine and blushed again as he watched as you took a sip of the ruby liquid. You dabbed at the corner of your mouth with a finger and pressed it to you lips; the forgotten drop of claret soon mopped up with your tongue. You heard a sigh from Remus’ direction, your attention brought back to him. Sirius laughed again; his shoulder length hair tickled his face as he said:   “I think we shall have some sport tonight, brother.”

 ************

  You ate mostly in silence, only commenting on how delicious the food was- or, in Sirius’ case lamenting on the best way to eat a pizza as he attacked it with a knife and fork. When the plates were cleared, the wine flowed freely around the table. You had insisted Remus catch up and order a bottle for himself, and he in turn demanded that both you and Sirius have a cocktail to even up the score. Sirius ordered himself a Negroni whilst you opted for a Black Russian, you smiled at the two men began to relax into the evening. The sensual tension from earlier in the evening forgotten as through a fit of giggles you told Remus of the schoolgirl crush you harboured for him in your fifth year, he in his sixth.     “Honestly, it was pathetic. Poor Lily tried everything she could think of to get us alone together so I could tell you how I felt.” Your stomach hurt from laughing so much, the sides of your cheeks ached, and you were delighted by the delightful shade of pink Remus had turned.   “I’m telling you now, (Y/N). Moony only ever had eyes for one girl at school and she never looked twice at him!” Sirius laughed; he swirled the contents in his glass before he knocked back a big gulp.   “Oh, please tell me who it is, Remus. I need to know who I was losing out to.” You said through your laughter. Remus mumbled under his breath, so quiet it was impossible to hear him. “What? Sorry I missed that.” You grappled at Remus’ hands as he tried to cover his face. “Who was it, Remus? I promise I won’t laugh.” Remus looked from you to Sirius, if looks could kill, his friend would be dead in his Negroni before he knew it. He took a deep breath and covered his eyes.   “McGonagall” Remus whispered, Sirius slapped his knee in delight, and you couldn’t help the snort that escaped you as you thought of a poor, seventeen-year-old Remus hopelessly in love with the stern professor.   “Have a thing for authority, do you?” You asked playfully, Remus’ look darkened once more as he lowered his hands.   “Quite the opposite actually, (Y/N). I like the idea of those in power relinquishing it.” He said quietly, you felt as though everybody in the restaurant had disappeared as the only sound you could hear was the beating of your heart in your ears. You bit your lip and blinked, desperate to rid yourself of the warmth you suddenly felt between your legs.   “I just like fucking.” Sirius added after a moment, he considered what he said and then lolled his head to the side once again swept his gaze across your face. “A lot.”

  You didn’t know what to do with your hands as you regarded each of the men now staring intently at you.   “Shall we get the bill?” Sirius asked.   “Yep.” Remus answered instantly, his hand in the air as he tried to get the waiter’s attention. You grabbed for your purse and you each threw money onto the table; the muggle money was so fragile you thought. Especially the paper money, luckily Remus knew what-was-what and squared up with the waiter who looked disappointed to see Remus leaving. It was Sirius this time who placed his hand on the small of your back as you made your way out into the night, it was chilly now and you pulled your thin jacket around your chest.   “Where to now?” Remus asked, “Home? Or another drink?”   “I could have another drink…at home.” You said, you felt the warmth return between your legs and both men grinned at you. You slipped your hands into each of theirs, Sirius brought your hand up to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss to your fingers. Remus brushed the back of your knuckles with his thumb, each action from the two men sent electric pulses through your veins.

*********

     “I’m telling you, (Y/N). If you had told Remus all the naughty things you wanted to do to him at school, he would have come immediately into his pants.” Sirius said as he poured port into three glasses and passed them around. You took a thoughtful sip, the richness of the port warmed you as you considered what to say next.   “Who says I wanted to do naughty things? The things I had in mind were wholly innocent, I’ll have you know.” You replied, you snuck a look at Remus from the corner of your eye; he seemed completely interested in his drink.   “Oh, I imagine they were, (Y/N). You were sweetness and light in school, weren’t you? Butter wouldn’t melt.” Sirius discarded his drink onto a nearby table and stood. He walked around his chair and placed his hands on the backrest, he leaned forward and squared his jaw. “I would have given anything to ruin you.” His gaze didn’t waver as a gentle moan left your lips; it was almost inaudible, but Remus’ head snapped up in your direction. You parted your lips and ran your tongue along them, they felt painfully dry.   “Sirius, you’ve had too much to drink mate.” He said, Sirius merely shrugged.   “In Vino Veritas, brother. You telling me that you wouldn’t have absolutely fucked her senseless if she told you she wanted you?” Sirius countered. Remus ran a hand through his hair as he took a swig of his port.   “I am still here.” You offered weakly. Sirius sneered at you as he picked his tumbler up and swirled it around again.   “I know, witch. I want you to hear.” Sirius said darkly Remus groaned in his chair, he shifted uncomfortably. “Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about it, Moony. Me and you, her hot little body to keep us warm.” You moaned again; it was involuntary this time. Both men looked in your direction as you rubbed your thighs together, desperate to relieve the throb between your legs. Sirius chuckled ominously as he offered his hand to Remus. Begrudgingly, Remus took it. Your heart thundered in your chest; you bit the inside of your cheek; surely you were dreaming? You would wake up any second now, a damp patch in your knickers and a desperate aching in your quim. Sirius rolled the sleeves of his smart white shirt up to his elbows; he crossed the room in an instant. He knelt in front of you, his hands on your knees. You could do nothing but stare into the face of this man you had known in some capacity since you were eleven, as he moved up your body, his mouth close to your ear; his hair tickled your cheek.   “Would you like that, (Y/N)? Would you like to lie between Remus and me? To be utterly filled to the brim?” You could feel his hot breath on your ear, you rolled your head back and sighed. Your eyes fluttered closed and Sirius’ lips grazed your earlobe, you clutched the arms of the chair tightly. “Just say the word, (Y/N). Just tell us you want us-”   “You don’t have to, (Y/N). Don’t feel pressured-” Remus interjected, you stopped him short with an extended hand. You reached for him; his eyes darkened as he took your hand. You looked up earnestly into his face, the face that had littered your dreams for a solid nine months as a teenager. You smiled wryly at Remus whilst Sirius held his breath, still by your ear.   “I want you.” You whispered, “Both of you.”

  Sirius pulled you out of the chair and pushed you toward Remus, his arms extended to catch you. You placed your hands either side of Remus’ face and inched your lips closer to his, Remus closed the gap with a growl. He kissed you hungrily, it was furious, and you slid your hands into his hair and tugged. Remus groaned against your lips as your hands moved readily in his hair. You felt a tug behind you as Sirius turned you in Remus’ arms brought your mouth to his. You couldn’t decipher whose hands were where; as you felt your shirt being tugged over your head, and hands working at the belt of your jeans. You felt them being pushed down your thighs as you were turned once again to face Remus. There was a pair of hands on your breasts, roughly needing them through the thin lace of your bra whilst a hand graced over your stomach and one plunged into your knickers.   “So wet already. Can you smell her, Moony?” Sirius grunted against your neck, his teeth grazed along the sensitive skin and he sucked hard. Remus only moaned in response, he bit down on your lower lip and you shuddered under him. Sirius moved his fingers deftly over your clit, he rubbed it gently and your head rolled back onto Sirius’ shoulder. “Make yourself useful, (Y/N). Why don’t you play with Remus’ big cock?” You didn’t need to be told twice, Remus’ lips pulled back into a snarl as you made fast work of his belt and pushed his trousers down to his knees. He was hard as you pulled him out of his boxers, he hissed as the air touched his member. You worked your hand up and down Remus’ shaft to the same pace that Sirius rubbed your clit. Remus pulled your head forward by your neck and crushed his lips to yours. Another moan slipped from your lips as Sirius parted your slick folds and pushed two fingers inside you, your grip around Remus tightened as he bucked his hips against your hand. Sirius quickened his pace, and your legs began to tremble as you began to move your hips against Sirius’ hand, fucking yourself on his fingers. You pumped Remus faster as a slew of curses fell from his lips. Sirius grabbed a fistful of your hair and pulled your head back roughly. You yelped in surprise but found your scalp burned pleasantly with the pain.

  “I want you to come on my fingers, witch. Do you think you can do that?” You nodded helplessly as his thumb began to rub you as his fingers plunged in and out of your sex. Remus pulled away from you, your hand now empty of him, you brought it up to tangle in Sirius’ hair.   “Fuck (Y/N), you have no idea how delicious you look now.” Remus whispered; he attacked your neck with wet kisses as Sirius brought you to orgasm. It flooded through you in powerful waves, your moans silenced by Sirius’ hand around your mouth.   “Quiet. I want to hear your pretty noises, but not here.” Sirius instructed. As you came down from your high, you saw Remus nod to Sirius as they both grasped one of your hands. With a distinct pop you arrived in your Grimmauld Place bedroom, before you had the chance to adjust after the apparation, you were flung backwards onto your bed. You watched with half lidded eyes as Sirius and Remus both undressed fully, you could see clearly now just how well-endowed the pair of them were. Remus was bigger than Sirius, but Sirius was girthier. You licked your lips in delight, you couldn’t believe this was happening. Both of these attractive men lavishing attention on you, it was almost too much to bear. Remus climbed onto the bed; his arms open to you.   “Sit on my face.” He commanded, you did so without hesitating. You hoisted a leg over either side of his head and lowered yourself gently down, his lips were gentle against your throbbing pussy, still recovering from your previous orgasm. Sirius appeared next to you, his hand slid down your back and gave your arse a smack, causing you to jolt forward. Remus grasped hold of your hips and held you in place, his tongue probing at your slippery entrance. It felt divine, Remus knew exactly what he was doing and as he kissed and nibbled at you, he began to shake his head from side to side. The feeling of his tongue rounding delicious laps around your clit was earthshattering, you had never felt anything as intense as this before. You were coming again in seconds; and you threw your head back and ground yourself against Remus’ face. You could hear Sirius laugh as Remus lapped at your core, you shuddered against him and whimpered at the overstimulation. Sirius grasped your hand roughly and placed it on his cock which throbbed impatiently. You moved your hand to the top around his foreskin and pulled back, Sirius smile illuminated the room as he moved your hair to the side.   “No love, use your mouth.” He whispered, you slid awkwardly from Remus’ face and crawled before Sirius. You looked up into his dark face as he regarded you, he watched as you ran your tongue from the bottom of his shaft to the top. He sighed and placed a delicate hand to the top of your head, pushing it downwards. You didn’t mind, in fact, you thoroughly enjoyed it. The feeling of the decision being removed from your hands was delectable in a life such as yours, where at any second you could die from making the wrong choice.

  It took you a second to adjust to Sirius’ girth as he began to fuck your throat, slowly at first and after you gave him a swift nod; he picked up his pace. You gagged around his cock as Sirius pushed it further into your throat, you had to swallow; or you thought you might choke. Saliva dripped from your chin as with great effort, you swallowed around his cock. Sirius let out a groan and grabbed a fistful of your hair.   “Do that again.” He commanded, you instantly swallowed around him. He quivered and thrusted into your mouth with more force, you whined around him as with each time he hit the base of your throat, he pulled out almost as far. You mourned the loss of him in your mouth each time. He tasted salty with sweat, and you found that the most delicious thing you had tasted all evening.

  Your jaw began to ache and though you did your best to ignore it, Sirius seemed to sense your discomfort. He pulled out of your mouth with a satisfying pop.   “I want to come inside you, (Y/N). I want to make you come all over my cock.” Sirius breathed into your ear, he still held fast onto the fistful of your hair. You moaned against his lips as he brought you roughly in for a kiss. “Feeling neglected, Remus?” Sirius laughed as he surfaced for air. You looked over your shoulder to see Remus on his back, he stroked his cock lazily as he watched you.   “On the contrary, just enjoying the show.”  

You were breathless, positively alight with desire. Every inch of your flesh screamed with want and for a second you felt guilty, wanton almost. Every scrap of decorum you previously possessed ebbed from your body with each illicit moan, and every time you passed yourself between these two men you couldn’t help the grin that formed on your face. The lascivious acts you had both endured and performed were more than you could ever ask for from one partner let alone two. The bottom line though, you felt, was if it was wrong or if it you weren’t meant to enjoy it…why were you enjoying it so?   “Come here, darling.” Remus said softly, as if able to hear your thoughts. He held his arms out to you and you crawled into his embrace gladly. He pressed a gentle kiss to the top of your head and his hands travelled down your back to your rump, he squeezed it and gave it a playful tap. You smiled widely at him and kissed him deeply, your hands found themselves again in his hair and his mouth trailed hot kisses from your mouth along your jaw. Sighs of contentedness fell readily from your lips as Sirius approached from behind you. He brushed his hand softly up your arm causing your flesh to tingle under his touch. You heard Sirius whisper a spell and with a start you were thrown onto your back, propped up on the pillows; your legs brought up spread wide and bent at the knee. You felt soft fabric wrap around your wrists and the backs of your thighs as your arms and legs were bound together, leaving you bare, open and vulnerable to both men. Another soft piece of fabric settled over your eyes, completely covering your vision, and leaving you without sight. A fleeting moment of zealous insecurity bounded through your mind; you had never tried anything as adventurous as this with any of your previous partners. There hadn’t been many, mind you- but still you felt a little out of your depth. What flashed through your mind next was Remus’ kind face, you knew he would never let anything happen to you. You knew you need only say the word if you were uncomfortable and there would be no hard feelings. He would probably make you a cup of tea and talk about something innocuous until you felt better. And there was Sirius, who earlier on had felt so incensed over what had happened to Marlene that he was willing to put himself in danger- yes, you knew you were in safe hands.

  “How does that feel, (Y/N)?” Sirius asked from a way away. You pulled against your bonds slightly, you couldn’t escape them, but they weren’t painful.   “Indescribable.” You breathed. You smiled, unaware if either of them could see your face. You felt a soft caress of your inner thigh, your breath hitched in response. Your cunt ached with need, regardless of the two orgasms you’d already had by Sirius’ quick fingers and Remus’ clever tongue.   “We’re going to play a game, aren’t we Remus?” Sirius said jovially, as if he were speaking of Quidditch in the sun.   “Oh, yes. I love this game.” Remus replied from elsewhere in the room. You would have liked to think that your hearing would have been heightened by having your sight stripped from you; but you wondered whether the disorientation you felt as the two men moved around you was part of the game.   “We’re going to fuck you now, (Y/N). One after the other. You are to guess who is fucking you.” Sirius said. You felt a hand tug on the restraints around your knees and a hum of satisfaction.   “You are not allowed to come unless you guess correctly.” Remus added somewhat cruelly. You frowned and felt another hand caress your breast, they took your nipple in between their fingers and gave it a tug. You yelped with surprise and tried to lurch upwards, but a hand against your chest pushed you down again. Where the fingers were on your nipple a second ago, you felt a tongue trace around the stiffened teat. They sucked hard and you bucked your hips upward, desperate for something, anything to ease the throbbing you felt in your quim. You were wracked with worry though, what would happen if you couldn’t tell them apart?   “Our girl’s needy, wouldn’t you say Sirius?” Remus said, oh, it was Remus who suckled on your breast. You felt his hot breath on you as he pressed wet kisses across the valley of your breasts and then lavished the other nipple with the same delicious torture.

  You needed to come. You needed release desperately. You bucked your hips upwards again and a whimper escaped you. Fruitless.   “Please.” You whispered blindly; you didn’t know if they were even listening to you. “Please fuck me.”   “Who?” A voice answered quietly, you weren’t sure who answered you, you bit your lip.   “Anyone, both of you. Please, I need, I need-”   “Look at us Moony, two dogs with a little bitch all tied up and begging.” Sirius said, you had no idea where he was. He seemed to be everywhere and nowhere at once. Like his voice filled all of your senses and yet left you achingly touch starved. “Isn’t that something?”   “Yes, the irony isn’t lost on me.” Remus replied, he too seemed to float in the ether around you. Like a voice from a dream, almost tangible. You began to struggle against your restraints, it was torture. You wanted nothing more than to be fucked by these two men and the longer they made you wait, the more restless you became.   “(Y/N), are you ready?” You nodded as definitely as you could, you braced yourself for what, you couldn’t say. Another agonizing minute passed before you heard any movement. You could feel the heat from a body between your legs, it was impossible to say who it was as they leaned forward to press their member between your slick folds. Whomever it was pushed into gently, you squealed as they filled you torturously slowly. You moved your hips against him, desperate for the friction. When they didn’t move you let out a grunt of frustration. You heard him chuckle, whoever he was, and he gave the smallest thrust into you.   “Please-” You mustered, your voice was small and full of want. You wished you could take this person in your arms and fuck him, but with your arms and legs bound together, all you could do was lift your hips. He was big, bigger than anything you’d had before. You felt the sting as he stretched you out with each miniscule thrust. You felt fit to burst, like you could explode at any second if you weren’t fucked and fucked well. You writhed beneath him, impatient and desperate.

  You weren’t prepared for what happened next. Your mouth was forcefully opened, and a cock slid inside. Whoever wasn’t buried in your cunt took your mouth. Incredible. You spluttered against it, as the cock inside your quim began to move. You moaned throatily as you were utterly filled. The cock inside you began to push furiously into you, bruising your cervix with every delectable thrust. It was almost manic now; you were being tossed around something chronic and with every thrust from inside you caused the cock in your mouth to be pushed further into your throat. You wanted to badly to feel them around you, you wished to lavish your lovers with touches of encouragement.   “Fuck.” That was definitely Sirius. But you couldn’t work out where. Dear Merlin, you needed to come. Please, you begged to anybody that might listen, please. You hollowed your cheeks against the member in your throat and tried to suck, but the force in which they fucked your mouth let you do nothing but try and keep your teeth out of the way.   “Fuck, fuck.” That was Remus. His voice seemed to be closer than Sirius. You moaned again, as the man between your legs lifted a hand and began to rub your clit. That was it, you were going to come. The man between your legs fucked you harder as if he could sense this, the room was a cacophony of moans, of delicious skin on skin and you could almost float away in the bliss. You felt your orgasm begin to reach its peak, but that wasn’t allowed was it? Nobody had asked you to guess? You decided not to bring it up, but to reach the climax you so desperately craved.

  The thrusting into your core was desperate now, incensed. You could hear the cries of a man about to spill his seed. The man in your mouth pulled out and you clamped your aching jaw closed immediately. You felt hands around your throat and pressure as your moans became heightened, matching the orgasm that now sizzled through you.   “Oh...Lord!” The man between your legs came, you could feel it. “Fuck, I’m coming.” That was Sirius, you were sure of it. A slew of curses whispered in the distance and you could feel his thrusts become weaker as he filled you full of him.   “Sirius.” You whispered with a smile.   “It’s a bit late for that you naughty slut.” Sirius snapped, in an instant the ties around your arms and legs vanished and they fell to the bed with a thud. They ached, you ached. You had never been fucked that hard and you groaned as you rolled onto your stomach. You were pulled up sharply by your hips and onto all fours. You craned your neck round to see Remus behind you, red faced and sweaty as he lined himself up with your entrance. You noticed his chest was littered with scars and you wanted to run your tongue along each one.   “Need to come.” Remus muttered as he pushed into you roughly. It was like night and day to the way Sirius had fucked you, Remus pulled a fistful of your hair and yanked your head back sharply. He wasted no time in building a rhythm, he rutted into you mercilessly. You cried out, the pain in your scalp along with the pleasure in your loins was almost too much for you to bear.   “God Moony, I’m hard again just watching you fuck her.” Sirius said, his voice was strained as your eyes met. He was perched against the pillows, his back to the headboard as he stroked his now hard cock. His eyes were dark, and he licked his lips as he watched his best friend pound into you from behind. Remus let go of your hair and brought his hands to your hips in a vice like grip. He pushed and pulled you onto his cock, you could feel the wetness you had created trickle down your thighs.

  Your voice was hoarse as you came for the fourth time, you had cried and moaned and whimpered for what felt like hours. You felt tears sting your eyes as the pleasure trundled through your veins, your walls tightened, and Remus gave a great cry before he thrust into twice more and you milked him of his orgasm. He fell forward onto you and you went with him, falling onto Sirius’ chest with a grunt. Sirius wrapped his arms steadily around you and bundled you close to his chest. Remus pressed a tender kiss to your shoulder as he slid from on top of you and pulled you in between them, Sirius on the right, Remus on the left. You breathed. From the bottom of your lungs you gasped in great breaths. Sirius’ fingers travelled from your neck to the base of your spine and back again, and Remus stroked lazy circles on your stomach. You hummed contentedly as your heartrate returned to normal, you nestled your head into Sirius’ chest and wiggled your hips against Remus earning a laugh from the latter.   “Comfortable (Y/N)?” Remus asked into your hair. You hummed in agreement and let your eyes close.   “Well our game didn’t go much to plan, did it Moony?” Sirius asked, you could hear the smile in his voice. Remus’ chuckle vibrated against your back.   “No, not quite. Someone obviously didn’t understand the rules.” Remus said, he tapped your stomach playfully and you groaned.   “I understood perfectly, thank you very much. I just couldn’t hold on much longer. I was desperate.” You sighed and Sirius placed a kiss to the top of your head.   “You’ll have to do better. We won’t be as lenient next time.” Sirius stated. Your eyes fluttered open and gazed up at Sirius face, he was joking, surely?   “We certainly will not.” Remus confirmed from behind you, you felt your stomach leap in excitement.   “Next time?” You murmured; this couldn’t be happening. No, not to you. Remus rolled you in his arms, so you faced him, Sirius shuffled down the bed slightly and wrapped his arm around your middle.   “You think I’m going to go the rest of my life without ever fucking you again?” Remus questioned; his brow furrowed but you could tell he was being sincere. You pressed your finger to the scar that ran across the bridge of his nose and traced it lightly, he closed his eyes against your touch and pressed a kiss to the palm of your hand.

  You were still. The three of you. You must have fallen asleep; you have no idea when or how long for; but Sirius stirred behind you and your eyes opened wearily.   “(Y/N),” he whispered, “Rem. Come on, we need to bathe.” You lifted your head from Remus’ arm and yawned, your bodies were stuck together with sweat and who knows what else. Remus groaned and pulled you closer to him. Sirius bent to kiss your cheek and shifted to the side of the bed. “Shall I run you a bath, (Y/N)? I imagine you’re very sore.”   “Yes please, I’m broken.” You joked and shot a wink in his direction. You yawned again. “Do you fancy a coffee?”   “I’ll put the kettle on.” Sirius said as he pulled his discarded boxers on over his manhood, he flicked the light on as he exited the room. You turned your attention back to Remus who looked so peaceful, you felt guilty disturbing him. You placed a tender kiss to his lips, and he smiled.   “Come on, we need to get up. We absolutely stink.” You said softly, Remus only pouted and pulled you even closer.   “Don’t want to.” He replied stubbornly. You laughed and pushed his arms from around you. You rubbed your eyes and trailed your hands over your neck and chest, the skin there tender. “(Y/N), can I ask you something?” Remus said, he had propped himself up onto his elbow as he watched you.   “Of course.”   “Why didn’t you ask me out when we were in school?” He asked you quizzically, you groaned and flopped backwards onto the bed. He inched closer to you and placed a hand on the side of your face, turning it to him. His green eyes intently fixed on yours.   “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe I was scared you would say no. My little fifteen-year-old heart couldn’t have taken it.” You replied with a chuckle.   “I wish you had.” He paused thoughtfully; he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. “I would’ve said yes.”   “Really?” You pondered, he hummed and pressed a lingering kiss to your lips and suddenly, he was gone. You opened your eyes to find him at the other end of the room pulling his boxers on.   “I still might.” Remus winked, he left your bedroom with a yawn and closed the door.

  You sighed and rubbed your eyes. It was all too much, but the butterflies in your stomach reminded you that even in the midst of the horrors of this war there was still happiness to be had. Even if it came in the shape of two very unlikely men. You couldn’t believe your luck, how much it had changed.

[ickle-ronniekins]

embrasse moi

request: from nonnie! “please can you do a super competitive fred and reader story and idk do with that what u will I trust your judgement”

pairing: fred x french!slytherin!reader

word count: 1.7k

A/N: i am ~feelin~ this request rn. i know quidditch wasn’t a thing during the triwizard tournament when faux moody was teaching just humor me. didn’t realize how much i need a french speaking fred until i wrote this 😩 also i definitely do not speak french and i've used google translate so i apologize in advance if any phrases are wrong LOL. i'll put the what the translations are supposed to be underneath the paragraphs they appear in and @ the bottom with an asterisk *

warning(s): a curse word (oops sry); ~steam~

tag list: @mintlibri @seppys-return-to-madness @how-do-life-does @fopdoodledane @fredd-weasley @iprobablyshipit91 @semmelsemi @laneygthememequeen @snakesonaplane-7 @keoghans @helloallthethingsilove @dreamer821 @the-hufflepuff-of-221b @62442-am @wtfweasleyy @obsessedwithrandomthings @thoseofgreatambition @harrysweasleys @sleep-i-ness @shadowsinger11 @shadychaoticcollection @haphazardhufflepuff @afriendlyneighborhoodhufflepuff @hood-and-horan @letsfightsomeorcs @theweasleysredhair @purpleskiesstorm @hxfflxpxffs @wand3ringr0s3 @finecole @angelinathebook @highly-acidic @purplefragile @90shermione @zreads @susceptible-but-siriusexual @hollands-weasley @andromedaa-tonks @bbystrawberry0421 @princessof-theuniverse @cappsikle @mytreec @imseeinggred @idont-knowrn @flyingserpxnt @auroraboringalis57 @godricsswords @jejegu @annasofiaearlobe @starlightweasley @alwaysasadaesthetic @thisismysketchbook | message me to be added, loves!

“Slytherin wins!”

Fred watched as you threw your beater’s bat into the air while you did backflips on your broomstick in front of all of your teammates. He huffed dramatically; he normally didn’t fancy losing a match to Slytherin, but you showing off was just rubbing salt into the wound.

“Don’t think on it, mate,” George told his twin. He looked absolutely bloody exhausted. Ever since Slytherin had replaced their beaters who had graduated the year before, their team was unstoppable. You sort of stunned the entire school when you arrived at tryouts and crushed it, making the students question why in the bloody hell you hadn’t ever tried out for Quidditch in the first place.

As the Gryffindor team walked sluggishly back toward the changing rooms, the vile Slytherin team captain did not hold back from overly-complimenting his team, therefore firing shots in the Gryffindors’ direction.

“Never seen a more brilliant beater before,”

Fred rolled his eyes noticeably. As your teammates patted you on the back, Fred just scoffed loudly, hoping to grab your attention. When he saw that he had, he turned to George and Harry and said, “She wasn’t that brilliant.” George just shut his eyes and shook his head, sick of Fred’s constant complaining.

“Aw -- vous vous sentez mal, Fred? Ne sois pas si mauvais perdant.”

          ↳ “Are you feeling bad, Fred? Don’t be such a sore loser.”

You earned yourself another eye roll for that one.

“Speak bloody English, would you woman?” he said angrily.

You pursed your lips dramatically in his direction. If he hadn’t been so pissed off, he would’ve noticed how his heart rate had seemed to increase at the fluttering of your eyelashes as you winked at him. Except he’d always been too focused trying to one-up you to notice such things. “Better luck next time, Weasley.”

It wasn’t just Quidditch. It was everything. Charms, incantations, exploding snap games, hexes -- even things Fred absolutely loathed doing, like stupid readings in Divination. It had all started back in your first year, when you were able to kick off the ground first in your flying lesson; you were a Muggleborn and had no idea how to fly. This annoyed Fred to no end, because he’d been flying since he could walk! And ever since, you two fell into this intense competitive streak, not giving into one another. George sure was over it though. Had been for a long time.

He gently tugged on Fred’s robes to lead him back toward the Gryffindor changing rooms, but it was a lost cause. Fred was already ripping off his uniforms due to pure anguish. George sucked in a deep breath before leaving his brother on the pitch. “Bloody hell, here we go again.”

-- -

The next day, Fred was struggling to get through classes due to his lack of sleep from the night prior, and it didn’t help when he was partnered up with you in Defense Against the Dark Arts in Moody’s attempt to separate him and George. Begrudgingly, his feet carried him over toward your desk where you stood, arms crossed and smirk bright. George on the other hand looked particularly jovial to be very far away from the two of you.

“Professor?”

Moody growled. “Not now, Weasley. Time to practice nonverbal hexes with your partner. No complaints.”

Fred huffed a bit and turned toward you. You cocked your head to the side, “What’s the matter? Scared you won’t be able to out hex me?” You narrowed your eyes at him and deepened your grin.

Fred scoffed. “I can out hex you in my sleep.”

You rolled your eyes and muttered under your breath, “Pauvre, gentil garçon. Tellement naïf.”

          ↳ “Poor, sweet boy. So naive.”

He didn’t even bloody care what you’d said, he was just so ready for this lesson to be over. He positioned himself a few feet away from you and stood in a rather dramatic, annoyed stance, waiting for you to just do your worst, already.

Your eyes seemed to darken with concentration. Fred was hoping that the slight smirk he painted on his face would be enough to distract you, but he was unfortunately proven wrong. Suddenly his knees were reversed and he began to falter on his own two feet. You and a few others surrounding you both, including his own twin, fell into laughter.

“Walk much, Weasley?”

His eyes turned to slits as he reversed the hex back, ignoring the crimson colour flooding his cheeks and the laughs still bouncing around the room. You still wiggled your eyebrows at him as he took his own position, pointing his wand toward you. He really needed to bloody concentrate, but the sing-song sound of your voice as you rattled off phrases in your native tongue sent him spiraling. He focused his thoughts solely on the one word: Titillando. He might’ve been distracted, but still managed to hex you.

Your laughter grew due to the tickling that took you over. You fell to your knees and giggled like a little school girl, grabbing at your arms and legs and back as the tickling sensation only heightened. Fred waltzed over to you, confidence exuding him, and lifted his eyebrows at you. He grinned evilly. “Got you.”

Somehow he found himself centimeters from you. He slowly lifted his wand and reversed the hex, and you were now completely out of breath, staring up at him with beady eyes. He took your hand in a tight grip and pulled you to your feet. He could feel your breath on his neck. “Sanglant brillant,” you managed to say in a breathless whisper.

          ↳ “Bloody brilliant.”

He certainly didn’t need you to translate that one. He wiggled his eyebrows at you and breathed, “Glad you think so.”

Shit. You didn’t realize you’d said it aloud, and you hadn’t managed to realize how close he was to you. You pushed on his chest and walked out of his way, fixing your tie and cardigan before sighing deeply to rid yourself of your flustered feelings. You cleared your throat and said, “Again.”

Cheekiness overtook his expression. “Looking for me to out jinx you again, are we?”

“Just do it, Fred.”

“Why can’t you just finally admit that I’m better than you? Put this whole thing to rest --?”

You cut him off. “Tu n'es pas! You stupid boy --” you wandered toward the entrance of the classroom; you needed some air, he was driving you up a wall. You stepped into the empty corridor. “Don’t let this foolishness go to your head. I’ve always been better, I always will be better.”

          ↳ “You are not!”

Fred laughed. “You’re out of your mind, what on earth --”

“It’s obvious!” you cried, throwing your arms up into the air. You inched forward toward him, and you were able to see the veins in his neck protruding just a bit; you were clearly getting to him. The tips of his ears were bright underneath that red hair of his. “Just admit it to me, Weasley. You can’t handle a girl being better at you -- better at hexes, better at lessons, better at Quidditch. Better at everything.” You stood on the tips of your toes in an attempt copy his stance. “And it’s driving you bloody mad, isn’t it?”

Fred sucked in a very deep breath and clenched his jaw tightly to suppress his anger.

Still, you prodded. “Isn’t it?”

Fred just wanted you to shut up already. So in a moment of fury, he growled and immediately pushed you against the wall and pressed his lips to yours in an attempt to silence you. He felt your shock against him as he parted your lips with his tongue, willing himself to not be distracted by the faint taste of your cherry lip balm. When he was sure you’d be silent, he slowly pulled away from you and let the shock roam through him too.

There was fire in your eyes. You blinked slowly a few times and eyed him up and down, as if trying to make sense of your own thoughts. Fred was sure you were about to deck him for being a right git until you lifted your hand and yanked on his tie and whispered, “Encore. Embrasse moi encore.”

          ↳ “Again. Kiss me again.”

He didn’t need a translator for that, either. He watched you lick your lips before he pressed himself into you again. You both met one another’s hunger with an intensity you couldn’t quite understand, but Fred reckoned this was probably the underlying reason for all of the competition between you two. How could he have possibly missed it all these years?

The idea of heading back inside the classroom for the lesson completely slipped from his mind when you grabbed two fistfuls of his hair in your hands and pressed your chest hard into his. By the muffled sigh you emitted against his mouth, he was sure he was driving you mad, and he was hellbent on getting you to be the first one to break with a moan.

But a low, unamused grunt ripped you apart from one another -- Fred was shocked that something had managed to break the ferocity between you both. You bit down on your bottom lip as you both turned to be face to face with a very disturbed and annoyed looking Mad-Eye, and George cracking up right behind him. You quickly swatted Fred’s hand away from your exposed hipbones, but he was pretty sure Moody had noticed anyway.

“Back inside,” your professor growled simply to both of you. In a lower voice, Mad-Eye continued, “I’ve got to be barking mad -- I did not sign up for this..” George winked at his brother and mouthed something that slightly resembled a Knew it, I bloody knew it, before making his way back into the classroom.

Fred turned back toward you and glanced down at your red and swollen lips. “Ready for me to out hex you again?” he asked with a glint of cheekiness in his voice.

“In your dreams, Fred,” you replied, narrowing your eyes and swatting him across the chest in your usual irritated tone. He was about to drag you back into the classroom but you yanked on his tie once more. The sultriness in your voice that dripped from your mouth made him not want to focus on the lesson at all; he’d rather think about many, many other things instead. “First -- embrasse moi, you prat.”

          ↳ “Kiss me,”

“Mmm,” he replied hungrily, licking his own lips in anticipation of getting you alone later. But he could get you riled once more, right? In more ways than one? He absolutely adored the completely startled and impressed look in your eye when he replied to you in French, “Bien sûr mon amour.”

          ↳ “Of course, my love.”

* vous vous sentez mal, Fred? Ne sois pas si mauvais perdant. - Are you feeling bad, Fred? Don’t be such a sore loser.

* Pauvre, gentil garçon. Tellement naïf - Poor, sweet boy. So naive.

* Sanglant brillant. - Bloody brilliant.

* Tu n'es pas! - You are not!

* Encore. Embrasse moi encore. - Again. Kiss me again.

* Bien sûr mon amour. - Of course, my love.

[peakascum]

Somebody’s Baby

Shelby Sister & Fluff.

Y/N opened the door and quietly stepped inside by walking on her toes. She basked in the warmth of the house as she locked the old, rusty door and set her purse on the hook, making sure to count the shoes at the entrance. It was a habit she picked out from a young age, to count her sibling’s shoes when she got home. She can't recall when exactly she picked out the habit but it was a way to make sure that each and everyone of them were safe in their home, even as adults. 

As she finished counting the shoes she finally let out a content breath. Her eyes closed as she leaned into the wall and a smile slapped itself across her face.

Thomas Shelby was still awake when he heard the front door shut. It was late but the tapping sound on his newly torn window couldn't let him sleep. The man slept through bullet showers in France but lost sleep over the sounds his windows made. Even so, his sister was out and he liked to remain alert just to be sure she got home safely. A sigh escaped him as he watched her count the shoes that littered the entrance, turning into an amused smirk. She turned right back around, leaned with her head against the wall and welcomed in a smile that soon turned into a childish giggle. She quickly placed her fingers on her lips, delicately brushing over them, something truly out of a scene from those romantic films.

“I take it you're smitten over him?” Tommy laughed, watching her jump slightly startled. “When have you ever said the word smitten?” You said, head remaining pressed against the wall. “Since Ada dragged me to see that bloody awful film.” You both laughed quietly at that. She had the worst taste in pictures. 

“Oh I see,” she said pushing herself off the wall, “and here I was wondering what had you tipping your cap at women on the streets.” He laughed at that, “No, no. I’ve always done that, Y/N-“ her laugh cut him off, “Yes, of course! Ever the gentleman, Mr. Shelby.” She bowed her head in mockery and his eyes twinkled at her.

She was the youngest Shelby and by far the most loved.

She sat down as he poured her some whisky, “Are you gonna tell me his name?” She shook her head and stared at the drink intently. “You'll just scare him away,” she looked up at his big eyes, so much like their mother’s. 

“You know I wouldn't do that to you.”

“I know, I just-” she sighed and rested her head on her free hand, “I just don’t want to get my hopes up.” Tommy stared at her hoping that his eyes communicated all the things he wanted her to know. “A name is not needed. A name’s a name.” She referred to her own, of course. Whenever anyone heard the Shelby name they immediately assumed the worst. Said her brothers were scum, her father a deadbeat, and all just tooth, rotting criminals. If they could only see through her eyes how unbelievably wrong they were. No matter the amount of dirt they dragged in the house, or the amount of times they trotted through the door soaked in blood, Y/N saw her brothers as good people trying to deal the cards they were given. Always turning a blind eye to every ilegal bidding, but never entirely naïve of their ways.

Tommy worried for his sister and often joked that she had to have been raised by another family. She loved to read and was practically self taught after befriending the book store owner. She got lost in the yellowing pages of books she found and then rambled on for days about the character’s antics. Unfortunately, this made her an easy target at school. They mocked and kicked her, leaving the young girl friendless and lonely, so she befriended the adults. An “old soul” Polly had called her. So when he heard of her date the evening he promised to not get in the way, just content in seeing his baby sister building a life for herself. 

“Is he at least a good man?” He asked.

“He treats me well.” She smiled.

He huffed, “Well is not good enough.” Her eyes crinkled at her brother and tilted her head to the side, “He respects me and buys me flowers. Those pretty ones I like from the market.” Her tired eyes twinkled for the first time in her life making her look younger, a look Tommy wished he could see more. 

Arthur came trodding down the stairs in a tired manner, arms swinging to his sides, only to stop at the bottom and stare at his two siblings. “Oi!” He raised both arms in disbelief, “nobody tells me fuckin’ anything, eh?” They chuckled at him. Y/N shushed him and extended her hand for him to take. “Oh hush Arthur, this was improvised.”

“Yeah I bet, improvised, yeah.” He kissed the top of her head and sat down beside her as Tommy poured him a glass. “You had a date tonight, didn’t ya’?” She nodded. 

“Apparently he treats her well and buys her flowers.” Tommy said in sarcastic tone making Arthur raise his brows. “Flowers, eh? He buys ya’ flowers.” 

“He does and he’s good and that’s all you need to know.” She said definitively making him chuckle.

“You know I bought flowers for this girl once,” he started, making his sister face him completely, “she was a pretty, little thing so I bought her flowers.” Tommy let out a laugh, “Oh fuck I remember this.”

“Anyway, I’m walking over to her house, really excited and all cause y’know how could she not like flowers? I tripped on the fuckin’ sidewalk, landed on horse shit, scraped my bloody, fuckin’ knees,” she let out a squeal at her brother’s misery, “The flowers were already battered and ruined, but I pushed through.” He took a long pause and she stared at him, gesturing with her hands for him to continue the story. “And well that’s that. Turns out she was allergic to them flowers. Head grew two sizes and I had to pay for the hospital bill. Her mum still flips me off every time she sees me.” Tommy and Y/N laughed. He had the worst fucking luck. 

He chuckled at her laughter, always said it was the most joyous thing he’d ever heard. Arthur also had immense respect for her and often thought that he was forever indebted to her.

He would never forget one specific incident, which he never brings up, but it still plagues him every time he sees her. One night after a couple of rounds at the Garrison, Arthur stumbled into the house knocking everything in his path. He entered the living room and quickly plopped down on the couch beside her sulking figure. He rambled on drunkenly about a woman he had met and how Tommy had managed to seduce her. He rambled as his little sister took him to the bath and helped him in his drunken state. She fed him, stroked his hair, and tucked him in as if he were a kid. But Arthur failed to see the look in her eyes, the tears that raised down her youthful cheeks, and the way her hands trembled as she laced her fingers through his hair. He failed to notice the red sheets and how she could barely walk while dragging him from room to room. He failed to notice the way she selflessly helped him after having been raped on the alley just beside their house. As quickly as the thought came into his mind it went, leaving a ghostly smile on his rugged face.

And in came Finn through the door with an excited smile seeing his siblings at the table. “Oh! And where have you been?” She asked as he kissed her cheek and taking the whisky from her hands. “Been around. Might have dropped by the pictures.” He had a tantalising smile on his face as his sister widened her eyes at him. “Might have eavesdropped on your date.”

“Okay, okay! Spill Finn-boy.” Arthur said excitedly as her gathered more glasses to fill with whisky. 

“Finn stop! You did not-“

“I did too. Interesting choice my dear sister.” She narrowed your eyes at him as the newly poured whisky touched her tongue. “Not as interesting as your choice in ladies Finn. Multiple, might I add.”

The room roared in every direction, a symphony of Shelbys asking questions and laughing. Something so rarely seen because, really, it was only reserved for late nights like these. And their smiles all reserved for you and you only. Finn was the only one who truly knew where his sister was and with whom. After all, he was good friends with he man who dared to ask her out.

Little did her eldest brothers know but just as little Y/N Shelby closed the door and leaned against the wall, Isiah Jesus had done just the same as he watched her enter the Shelby household. His head had rested against the door, cheeks flushed and eyes full of life. He had adored the girl ever since he could remember, becoming completely helpless at the sight of her youthful cheeks and kind eyes. 

As the teasing conversation continued, Polly peaked her head through the kitchen door. She had been awoken by laughter, which was a relief to the countless nights she had woken to the sounds of bullets and screams. Her tired eyes crinkled at the four siblings. Hand making its way towards her heart and sighing a little prayer up to John and their late mother. Oh, if they could only witness this precious moment. If they could only see how protected and loved the youngest one was. 

[pocketfulofrogers]

Planes, Trains, and Firetrucks

Pairing: Kelly Severide x Reader

Summary: What’s a polar vortex to a desperate sister trying to get home? With a little determination and the luck of a stranger, you might just be able to pull off a Christmas miracle. 

Notes: So I got drunk with my aunt and uncle on Thanksgiving and watched the only Thanksgiving movie to both exist and be quoted in it’s entirety by my whole family. I woke up with a google note that said ‘Planes, Trains, and Automobiles but make it a love story.’ Kinda wished I had payed more attention to the movie now. 

Pinching the bridge of your nose, you try to reign in your frustration. You had been all over this airport for the last six hours desperately searching for any way to get home. So far, you had only been strung along.

“Is there anything to Chicago at all? I’m just trying to be back for even a portion of Christmas. Seriously, at this point I’d saddle up a horse.”

The woman scrunches her nose as she scrolls through her computer, a sense of defeat looming over you until she smiles quickly. “I found a 5am to Detroit that connects…” She trails off and begins to frown again. “Just canceled.”

“Seriously?!” The word explodes from your mouth unwarranted and much louder than intended and your hand flies to your mouth in embarrassment.

Before you can begin to apologize profusely, you hear the man behind you mumble under his breath. “Probably because of the giant winter storm and white out conditions covering the entire North East.”

You whip your head behind to glare at him, but he’s too focused on his phone to even notice that you had overhead him. Defeated, you turn back around and quietly apologize before grabbing your phone and sulking away, the guy behind you chuckling slightly.

Mom: Your sister just got here, she’s so excited to see you!

Barely managing to suppress your groan, you lean against a nearby pillar to type a response that hopefully won’t break anyone’s hearts.

The man pockets his phone and approaches the counter. “Hi, can I get a hotel voucher?”

“We’re prioritizing vouchers for flying families and couples first.” She smiles.

“Really?” He groans, loud enough to grab your attention and hears your chuckle from what he assumes you think is karmic justice. But when he locks eyes with you, he gets an idea. “That is so kind of you guys!” He exclaims with a smile. “My wife will love that.”

In the middle of trying to explain to your mom that you couldn’t have left any early, chuckles steps up in front of you with a grin, holding up a pamphlet and you narrow your eyes. “Be my wife for a night, cow girl?”

You roll your eyes and walk away from his laughter and fake apologies, not stopping until he calls your name. “This?” You gesture between the two of you. “This is creepy.”

He holds up his hands before sliding the voucher in his dark jean jacket pocket. “They wouldn’t give me the voucher unless I put another name down so I just said you were my wife.” He shrugs his shoulder as if he can’t see the problem. “Now I can’t check in unless you’re there.”

You grab your bag and start walking again. “Not my problem.”

To your dismay, he keeps up with you. “We’ve been running around this place all day, so you have got to be at least a little tired.” You really were. “I let you use my charger.” He did do that, but it doesn’t seem to him that his small act of airport kindness has swayed you. “How about we get some sleep and then I promise I will help get you to Chicago?”

This causes you to pause again and look him up and down, almost hating yourself for even considering it. Those piercing blue eyes didn’t seem to hold any malice, nor did his small smile. He was charming, that much was obvious, but so was Ted Bundy.

You cock a hip to the side. “You could be a serial killer.”

The smirk he flashes makes you a little weak. “So could you.”

“Fine, but we’re stopping for pepper spray.”

**

Each time Kelly closes his eyes and feels his exhaustion begin to pull him under, he hears you curse under your breath. You had been obsessively scouring the internet looking for a hail mary, but each time you hit a wall.

He had given up somewhere between the last car dealership left in a 100-mile radius to endure your guilt trip and the proposition of hitch hiking. Honestly, he was more concerned than surprised when you seemed disappointed at him shooting down the idea.

Despite this budding friendship, you had offered no details of yourself, even when asked. You made another serial killer joke when he asked you why it was so important you get home, but he didn’t miss how guarded you became.

The next time you groan is when he also gives up the idea of any form of rest. Kelly sits up quick enough to see you throw yourself back into the creaky swivel chair.

“Is there a battery pack on you or something?” His voice is gravely, thick with exhaustion and just a hint of frustration.

You wince. “I know, I’m sorry. I just can’t believe that there’s not a single taxi or rental car available.”

“You could just buy a car.” He suggests it as an outlandish joke, but then your eyes light up.

“You’re a genius!”

**

Standing out in the middle of an alleyway, snow coating your hair, you can’t say your not a little nervous. Kelly is stood beside you despite very loudly voicing his opinion on how this was a terrible idea. Actually, that it was maybe the worst idea you’ve ever had.

“If anyone is going to be a serial killer, it’s going to be this guy.” He mumbles another remark, shifting his eyes to check your surroundings again.

You shoot a glare at him, but have to admit he’s probably right.

There wasn’t much in your bank account to spare, especially when you consider the price of a decent car. Craigslist offered one result in your price range within reasonable walking distance and you didn’t really stop to think it out.

Now you were in a barely lit backstreet leaking a smell you’d rather not name.

“You didn’t have to come.” You state, again.

He scoffs. “With your lack of self-preservation and this piece of shit that won’t make it out of the state? I won’t be responsible for you ending up on a milk carton.”

You want to comment that that’s not a thing anymore, but he had stuck by you for the last few hours and that’s more than you can usually expect from a stranger. “Aw, you care.” You reply instead.

**

It smells, terribly, but if you roll the windows down enough, you can hardly even notice. Wearing enough layers to not fell the cold is another story. You had expected Kelly to bail on you, insisting you wouldn’t blame him for running back to the warm comfort of clean sheets that weren’t his own, but again he shook his head.

He slept for the first six hours, grateful that you seemed to be a decent driver, but you tossed and turned in the back for about four before you climb back up front and ask to take over. There was only a little bit of gloating each time you passed through a city and grinned an ‘I told you so’ at him.

He doesn’t tell you, but he finds your giddiness contagious.

You don’t notice, but he keeps watching you whenever you’re not paying attention- intrigued by the woman who is actively going to hell and back just to get home. Matt told him he was insane, but there was something about you that he just couldn’t let go of.

He had watched you give up one of the only plane tickets left to a younger woman. Feeling touched as she cried in your arms. When you bought lunch for an unaccompanied minor and let her use up the entire battery life of your phone to watch a few movies, he knew he had to at least talk to you.

The only opener he had was a charger and it seemed to have been enough to get your trust.

“You know,” He starts, pulling his jacket tighter around him, hoping the rising sun would bring some form of warmth soon. He wasn’t hopeful. “I think I’ve earned a few questions.”

You glance at him and raise a brow. “Fine.”

“Are you always like this?”

“I’m sorry, what?” Your surprise makes you laugh.

“Prickly.” He clarifies.

“I’m not prickly, I’m stressed.” You defend yourself. “How are you not? Aren’t you trying to get home too, to see your family?”

He shrugs. “It’s out of my control, and the only family I have are people I get to see pretty regularly.” He smiles at you. “Guess I’m pretty lucky.”

“Well, it seems I’m definitely not.”

As if on cue, there’s a loud pop from the front of the car and it begins to sputter and smoke. Kelly is quick to calm you down and ease you into pulling off the road in the most soothing voice you think you may have ever heard.

**

Sitting on the side of the road, you only pick up your head from your knees when you hear a loud sigh and the hood slam shut. Kelly wipes the dark grease on his pants and gives you a solemn look.

“It’s toast.”

You let your head fall back onto your knees, not paying much attention to the encouraging words he tries to use to raise your spirits or the almost comforting hand on your shoulder, not even when they both disappear.

It isn’t until he’s grabbing the bags from the worst impulse buy of your life that you decide to check back in. “What are you doing?”

He points back to a semi-truck stopped not far behind with a smirk. “I told you I’m lucky.”

**

Your elbow bumps the trucker again and you pull you arms in closer to your body, try to scoot further away while being mindful of Kelly pressed close to you on your other side. Why you agreed to sit in the middle, you’ll only understand once you figured out why you agreed to this in the first place.

The man seemed nice enough, but it was two hours to the next city and you hadn’t slept in 36 hours.

“I don’t know what we’re going to do when we get there. Maybe find some wifi and look for our next ride?”

Kelly purses his lips. “How about we take an hour?”

“What are we supposed to in Dyersville on Christmas day?”

There’s a sparkle in his eyes when he smiles and shrugs his shoulders.

**

“Alright. This was a good idea.” You mumble around a mouthful of the burger you were trying to not inhale.

Somehow, Kelly had managed to convince a food truck to kick out one more order before packing up to get home. The smell hit you just as your hunger did and it didn’t take long for you to start stuffing your face.

He picks up his drink beside him on the bench and nods. “We needed this.”

“So bad.” You gush. You look around and finally feel like you can breathe again. “Maybe my luck’s turning. It’s a beautiful day, we’re so close, and this just might be the best burger I’ve ever had.”

He starts to laugh, but stops suddenly when he looks past your head. Before he can even react, the man he had been eying grabs your purse and takes off, Kelly quick on his heels. You yell after him, almost taking off too, but then his feet catch a patch of ice.

He goes down, hard and you rush to his side.

“Kelly? Kelly are you okay?” He’s touched by your concern, but he doesn’t have the breath in his lungs to convey it.

“Fine.” He grunts out.

“You folks alright?” A man with peppered hair and a thick grey mustache approaches behind you in a white button up. “We were just fixing our lights outside when we saw what happened. We’ve got two EMTs grabbing their bags if you’ll just stay where you are, son.”

Kelly waves him off, calling him chief, and tries to sit up. “Guy got her bag.”

You shush him and quickly help him up. “There’s nothing in there that can’t be replaced.” You assure him.

“Holy shit, is that Kelly Severide?” A woman calls out from across the street before jogging over. “Can’t wait to let the boys know that the great Lieutenant got played by a kid.”

Kelly chuckles at your confusion as he wipes his dirt covered hands on his jeans. “Gomez, nice to see you again.”

“You know each other?” You ask.

Gomez nods. “Lieutenant Severide here held a rope rescue training, whipped us all into shape. What brings you back here?”

Kelly sighs, adding a voice to the very rough time the last 20 hours had been. “Got snowed in just outside of Seattle. This one,” He points over to you and raises a brow. “Just had to get home and dragged me on and insane trip.”

Your jaw drops. “Dragged? You definitely refused to leave.”

“Only because I whole heartedly believed you’d get yourself killed.” He winks at you and you can’t suppress your smile.    

The chief contemplates for a moment before offering up an old battalion car to get you through the final stretch. Kelly looks to you, smile beaming and makes another comment about his impeccable luck.

**

“So, you’re a firefighter.” You begin when the silence becomes a little too thick. “Is that why you were in Washington?”

Kelly nods. “Small city fire departments don’t have the resources we do. I try to go to a few a year to teach them how to use the stuff they have for difficult rescues.”

“Wow…” You trail off.

“You can’t ask me that question and not answer it for yourself.”

Rolling your eyes, you have to agree. “I was there for an interview. Some doctors there created a revolutionary treatment, and I was able to witness one of the surgeries.”

“Must be important for you to give up your Christmas Eve.”

You shrug. “My sister got really sick a few years ago. She’s okay now, but we weren’t able to see her for a really long time. Doctors saved her life and this could save someone else’s. It’s important information.”

“That’s why you wanted to get back?”

The moment becomes a little too heavy, but you manage a sad smile before you feel compelled to look out the window. “It’s her first Christmas since, it’ll be the first time I’ve seen her.”

He grabs your hand and your attention after a moment of silence and his stare is intense. “We’ll be there soon.” He assures you.

**

12 hours into shift and Matt Casey is as bored as he’s ever been on a Christmas. No calls, no Christmas spirit, and most importantly Christmas dinner was a bust. So, when Severide open his office door, covered in dirt and oil and grime, he was intrigued at least.

“You look like hell.”

Kelly rolls his eyes. “I need to borrow your truck to take Y/N home.”

Casey’s eyes widen. “She’s here?”

Kelly isn’t sure why he seems so excited until he hears him grab almost the entire firehouse to lead them to the floor. To you. Despite his protests, Gabby is positively thrilled. You however, surprisingly, are not overwhelmed by all the greetings and hugs. The environment is so warm and welcoming that you can’t help but slide right into conversations.

“She is gorgeous.” Gabby tries to keep it to a whisper. “Your texts do not do her justice.”

Kelly nods, well aware that just a few words typed while you were focused on the road could never be enough to describe how incredible he believed you to be.

“This isn’t it, right? You’ve got to see her again.” Joe butts his head between Kelly and Gabby. “We already like her.”

**

The drive to your house is quiet, somber. Not a single sound besides tires crunching through packed snow. There’re so many questions you have unanswered based solely on the fact that you don’t know how to ask them. Staring out into the night sky to watch the snow fall is no longer enough to comfort you.

It isn’t until he pulls up and puts the truck in park that you start to feel the pit in your stomach become overwhelming. You’re worried you’ll never see him again. Worried that the past day will be the final one and that thought is terrifying.

“Stay.” You blurt out.

He’s caught off guard by your request, but still smiles. “My family is back at the station and this is too important for you to be worrying about your parents meeting me.”

Your nod acknowledges that he’s right, but your eyes convey your sadness. “Merry Christmas, Kelly.”

“Merry Christmas, Y/N.”

**

“I cannot believe you just let her go!” Matt walks in on Gabby yelling. “You liked that girl, she invited you in, and you left?!” She’s pacing back and forth in front of a freshly showered Kelly. He looks like a puppy in trouble and Matt’s smart enough to know not to butt in.

“That was not a first impression I wanted to make.” He tries to defend himself.

Gabby turns to Matt, exasperated, and he raises his hands.

As if someone were listening to his silent prayers, Capp comes in to tell Kelly that he had a visitor on the floor. His heart began to race, filling with hope that maybe, just maybe…

He rounds the corner and there you are, dressed up with a delicate smile. For a moment he’s breathless, the only thing he wanted to see. He wants to open with something witty, but you beat him to it when you hand him a tupperware container, stepping close enough that he can smell the light layer of perfume you’re wearing.

“This is to thank you for letting me drag you and your luck all over the northern states.”

He laughs. “I believe it was me that refused to leave.”

“And I probably would’ve made the national news for being missing if you hadn’t.” Your smirk makes his heart skip a beat. “You know milk cartons aren’t a thing anymore, right?”

He laughs. “Well, how am I supposed to thank you for pretending to be my wife?” You laugh until you realize he’s being serious. “How about dinner tomorrow night?”

“I would love that.”

When he leans down slowly and presses his lips to yours, you have to laugh at the cheers that erupt from the background.

[certifiedskywalker]

Can’t Leave You - Diego Hargreeves

Anonymous said: Hi N! so idk if you watched season 2 so i don’t wanna spoil too much!! But maybe if you can pretty please write Szn2!diego falling for y/n in the 60s and trying to convince her to maybe come back with him? or idk! freedoms is yours to write! :) miss you and your talented writing!!! hope you’ll be back soon

AN: Alright so this is a SHE/HER fic and there is CURSING in this. If you guys want a gender-neutral or HE/HIM fic with Diego, let me know! I’d be happy to write! ALSO….TUA Season 2 SPOILERS.

“Shit!”

“Sorry! Has to be done!” Diego let out another grunt before he shifted away from you. “Hey, I’m not done yet.”

“Yes you are,” Diego returned, scooting to the far side of Elliot’s bed. He hated the fact his blood now soaked into the sheets. The spots of red were a reminder, sharper than the pain. His father’s face as the knife plunged into his flesh would leave a stain; one way or another.

“So you’re just going to bleed out slowly in my brother’s bed sheets? Or maybe it will get infected and that will take you first. Risky, but up to you. Personally, I’d just sit still.”

Slowly, Diego turned from his side to his back and looked up at you, unamused. He laid in silence for a moment, taking in your features. You met his eyes and Diego felt the hurt ebb. Reginald hadn’t raised the Umbrella Academy with religious leanings but Diego could only describe you in that moment, looking down at him with a stern kindness, as angelic. 

“For Elliot’s sister, you’re very-”

“Watch it,” you said in warning. You reached over to the wound on his abdomen. “He may be strange but I love him. And I’m not against doing this.” You pressed down on the raised skin around Diego’s wound. He let out a soft yelp and pushed your hand away. Perhaps not so angelic...not in the traditional sense at least.

“The Hell was that?”

“Follow through. Now hold still.”

When you reached over again, your touch was gentle. So soft that Diego wondered if you had undergone some sort of training. He would have asked but, with your bedside manner, he knew better than to speak up. Instead, he watched you to distract himself from the pain.

Gauze, slightly rough, rubbed against the wound as you worked. At times it felt like sandpaper scraping along his flesh. Yet, Diego kept all his attention centered on you. Since landing in the 1960s, Diego had seen an ugliness. Grime and crime lingered around every corner.

Or maybe that was just paranoia. Maybe his time in the, as Five so charmingly called it, ‘nuthouse’ wasn’t entirely unfounded.

Either way, your presence was refreshing. You were honest and, despite the prickly exterior, Diego could see that you were gentle underneath. With a brother like Elliot, gentleness was required. With an array of his own odd-ball siblings, Diego knew that fact well. Sadly, tender love and care was never a lesson included in Reginald's plan.

Diego wondered if it just came naturally to you or you had to grow into it. Just as, over the past few days, he had grown affection towards you.

“What is it?”

“What?”

“You’re staring at me,” you said softly as you continued to dress the wound. Diego tried not to shudder when your fingertips brushed against the skin near his hip. There was no hiding how his breath hitched slightly at the touch. You had noticed it too but, much to Diego’s surprise, did not say a word. Instead, he saw your lips twitch with the tiniest hint of smile.

“Yeah, I am,” he said softly, testing the waters. “What about it?”

In the few days he had known you, Diego had never seen you stall on a comeback. Your sharp tongue was one of the things he admired about you from the start. So, when all he heard was the distant ranting of Elliot and Five through the wall, Diego was proud of himself. He had stumped you at last; even if only for a minute.

“Some would consider it rude.” When you finally spoke, an unsteadiness seemed to line your words. Diego bit his bottom lip to keep from chuckling. Finally, you were cracking.

“What do you consider it?”

Careful hands stopped their movements and Diego couldn’t help but grin when you met his eyes. Silence weighed heavy between you. For a moment, Diego’s thoughts were still. There was only you and him in this strange tangle of time Five had made. Where he had felt shafted before, lost in time, now Diego was grateful. How could he truly live without knowing your eyes?

“I consider it.”

Diego’s brow furrowed and his grin faded. “What does that mean?”

“I consider you.”

“I consider you, too,” Diego returned with a renewed smile. A breathy, almost shy laugh fell from your lips; the sound was soft, not mocking. Without thinking, Diego moved to sit up. A sharp pang rose up with the movement and he winced. “Shit.”

“Easy.” You gently pushed on his shoulders to guide him back down but Diego didn’t budge. As they lingered, your hands cooled his warm skin. The two of you were close now, faces a few inches away. Diego could feel your breath against his skin and the feeling made him daring.

He lifted a hand and wrapped his fingers gently around your wrist. Your eyes never felt his as he brought your grasped hand to his lips. Delicate and considering, Diego pressed a light kiss to your knuckles. He could sense your resolve shaking. His own was beginning to tumble down. Every fiber in his being begged him to just lean forward a bit further, a bit harder.

Diego wanted to but he was not going to cave first.

Tenderly, he rubbed his thumb along your knuckles. Under the calluses of his fingertips, your skin felt shockingly soft. Diego marveled at the feeling for a select few seconds before he turned his gaze back to your face. There was the slightest of smiles playing at your lips; other than that, there was no sign that you were going to break the tension.

So, when you leaned in towards him, Diego was surprised. He closed his eyes, waiting to feel your lips against his. Waiting to take you into his arms, to hold you. You, how made everything, every problem, every ache, disappear; he wanted you.

Diego was ready but when moments passed and he felt nothing, he opened his eyes. There you were, so terribly close but still so far. You tilted your head and grinned. The movement caused your nose to brush against Diego’s ever so lightly.

“Careful,” you whispered, “you don’t want to push it.”

“Maybe I do.”

His challenge hung in the air, waiting for either you or him to act upon. Your bodies remained still and near. Heat was now shared, as were breaths. It was truly tantalizing.

In all his years, Diego had never wanted for something more. Even his will to prove his worth to the Academy, his siblings, his father, was minuscule compared to the desire he felt when faced with you. With you, Diego didn’t feel like he had to prove anything. You didn’t take his bullshit but you didn’t deny him like his siblings. Except now of course, with this teasing.

He had only known you for a few days but, and perhaps this was a ‘symptom’ of time travel, Diego felt as if he had known you for years. He wanted to know you forever.

Unable to stand it, Diego started to lean forwards. Every muscle in his body seemed to relax this close to your warmth. All he could feel was his own heartbeat and your warmth. Just as Diego’s lips were about to skirt along yours, a knocking at the door pulled you both back to the present.

You immediately backed away from Diego, surprise evident on your face. Diego felt a twist of regret and anger in his stomach as he watched you compose yourself. He was readying a retort, another challenge when the door to Elliot’s bedroom creaked open. Lila poked her head inside, caramel eyes glancing between the two of you.

“How’s the patient?”

“Horrible. No wonder they kept him in a straight jacket,” you replied snappily. Diego swallowed hard, luckily the tension still clinging to his frame went unnoticed by the laughing Lila.

“I know, right? He’s quite awful, isn’t he?” Lila jumped on Elliot’s bed and Diego winced as the impact jostled him. Defeated, he laid back down with his eyes still on you. He could still feel his heart pounding in his chest.

You stopped packing up the first aid kit and looked back at him. “The worst.”

With a smile, you grabbed your things and walked out of your brother’s room. Diego watched you go, the want resting in his gut. He let his head fall into the pillow. Longer now, his hair fanned out around him like a halo. He had wanted to get it cut but you, the first day Elliot introduced Diego to you, said you liked it. He hadn’t thought about cutting it since. Lila, bored by your walking away, played with the wavy strands.

“You like her.”

“You keep acting like you know shit about me,” Diego fired back. He was never one to talk about woman problems, let alone with another woman. Hell, Diego didn’t want to talk about his problems at all. Though, you weren’t his problem...and maybe that was his problem.

“Oh, but I do,” Lila continued. Groaning, Diego covered his face with his hands and tried to focus on the steady pulses of lingering pain that surrounded his wound. “And I know you like Y/N.”

“So what if I do?”

There was a long pause. Diego moved his hands away from his face and looked over at Lila. Her dark hair was tangled, her fringe nearly obscuring part of her face. Diego didn’t miss the sadness that rested in her doe turned lips.

“I wouldn’t know.” When she felt his eyes, Lila looked up to meet his gaze from where she laid on her side. Serious and wary, her eyes met Diego’s. “I’ve never liked someone like that before.”

Diego frowned at the troubled woman before looking up at the ceiling. In the blank space above his head, he thought of you. Your eyes, your smile and Diego sighed.

“It’s confusing. Confusing but...it’s like you’ve never seen more clearly before in your life. Everything feels right but nothing makes sense. You’ll take any risk but you’re almost scared to fall.”

“You? Scared?” Lila, ever willing to dodge her truth, let out a forced laugh. When Diego didn’t respond, she grew somber again. Wow...uh, it sounds awful.”

“The worst.” Though, Diego said this with a small smile.

“You should talk to her.”

“And say w-what?”

Vanya lifted her head from Diego’s shoulder. “She’s lost her brother...so have you, us.”

Diego nodded, Vanya’s soothing voice cutting through the haze of bitterness and exhaustion. Yet, the moment he looked back at you, standing alone in the snow that still littered the grass, he ached. You had lost...nearly everything. Most everything, really.

“Go to her,” Vanya pressed. Diego looked down at his sister and, beneath the seriousness, saw a warmth in her brown eyes. “Hold on while you still can.”

Nodding, Diego began to stand up. His legs throbbed with each step, still battle-sore. He couldn’t remember when he last used his powers to that extent. He was surprised he still could. 

The look of pure fear on your face as you curled up next to Five in the snow had been enough for him to try. Diego had held the deluge of bullets at bay so Five could vamp to some sort of refuge with you in tow. Near death was sweet knowing you were safe. Safe but hurting.

Snow crunched under Diego’s boots as he stepped towards you. The sound reminded him of winters in New York and snowball fights when the Umbrella Academy was young and Reginald was off on some secretive business. Back then, it wasn’t perfect, it was easier. It made Diego wistful. How he wished you could have been spared of the death that seemed to follow his family. 

“Y/N…”

“I’ve never seen the snow before,” you kept your eyes on the ground. “At least not in person. We don’t get much snow. When we do, it melts pretty fast.” Diego felt an ache in his chest at your words. “You like it?”

You dragged your foot in the snow, scraping the white flurry away from the dirt. “I think so, it’s a little cold though. Elliot saw it once, at least he told me he did, when I was a baby.”

Silence sat between you like an old friend. Loss was something Diego was no stranger to. He had gotten used to it, the heft of it on his shoulders; but he could tell the weight was fresh and heavy for you. Quietly, he reached out and grabbed your hand. 

Without hesitation, your fingers entangled with his. Diego let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding before giving your hand a gentle squeeze. 

“Y/N, I’m so sorry about all of this, about Elliot. I w-want you to know that I…” 

You looked up at him, your eyes meeting his, as he spoke. Diego trailed off, getting lost in the features of your face. Despite everything, you were still looking at him with that stern, angelic kindness.

“This,” you began, squeezing his hand, “is nothing to be sorry about. You all saved that boy, saved the world. You can’t save everyone and Ellie...he knew the risk. I know the risk.”

“I- we shouldn’t have put you at risk. I should have considered you-”

Before Diego could finish, you leaned up and pressed your lips to the corner of his mouth. Diego tensed at the feeling, unprepared for it. The moment you pulled back, Diego took a step forward to close the gap. His hand, the one that wasn’t holding yours, moved up to cup your cheek. Dark brown eyes searched your face, trying to read you.

You gave him a smile, sad but proud. “You already did consider me.”

“I did,” Diego returned softly. “I do…”  He brushed the back of his fingers against your cheek. “Will you consider coming back...wait a minute.” 

“What? What is it?” Your brow knitted together in concern. Nervously, you glanced around and Diego let go of your hand to hold your face in his own. You met his eyes and he smiled shyly.

“No...no, nothing. I just got something now.” You raised a brow at his words.

“What do you get?”

“I can show you if you come back to the future with me.” You bit your bottom lip and blinked up at him. At your quiet, Diego’s stomach tightened with nerves. 

“That’s a lot to consider,” you said, a hint of jest in your voice. Diego grinned and shook his head. His longer hair tangled with the motion and you reached up to fix it. “I don’t think Five would like that. It would be playing with the timeline, right?”

“Five likes you, more than me. He’d leave me behind before leaving you.”

“I think you know your brother loves you. He wouldn’t leave you.”

Diego felt a swell of courage in his chest. “So you get why I can’t leave you.”

“Diego,” you whispered, letting the hand you had in his hair rest against his chest. At your tone, Diego let his hands fall from your face. 

“I know that it’s a big ask but I w-want, I need you with me. The thought of leaving you here, alone, I can’t stand it.” He was pleading, and he would beg if he had to. 

“This isn’t a guilt thing or a hero thing is it? You asked seriously, your voice pressing for an answer. Diego shook his head and lifted his hands from his sides to hold your hips. 

“This is a me thing, a selfish thing.”

“It’s not entirely selfish if I want it too,” you pointed out. 

Diego felt the nerves in his gut release. Wordlessly, he leaned down and, finally, captured your lips with his. He pulled you flush against him and deepened the kiss. Your hands gripped the fabric of his black shirt so tightly it was as if you were scared he was going to just disappear.

Diego wasn’t going anywhere. Not without you.

[xjoonchildx]

danger | ksj x reader chapter one: good girl

summary: kim seokjin is a rich asshole. you are an ambitious attorney. smut ensues when he just won’t leave you alone.

pairing: seokjin/reader word count: 8.6K (Part 1 of 2)

rating: 18+

genre: smut | pwp | okay fine, porn with a thin plot | but it’s really thin

warnings:  hate sex, language, terrible ethical decisions, blatant misuse of office furniture

Chapter 01 | 02

**************************

Are you fucking kidding me? What am I to you? Am I easy to you? Are you playing with me? You are in danger now Why are you testing me? Why are you testing me? Don’t get me twisted

-- BTS, "Danger"

******************************

“Excuse me, Miss?”

You look up from your phone to the bartender who’s just walked up to you. He’s holding a bottle of champagne. 

“Yes?”

“The gentleman sitting just over there sent this for you.”

Your gaze follows the direction of his nod and immediately your blood warms to a boil.

The man who’s just finished wiping the floor with your ass in court has just sent you a bottle of champagne. Champagne is for celebrating, not for self-medicating after a brutal trial with a shitty outcome. But of course, that’s kind of the point, isn’t it? 

You’d spotted the hint of a smile on Kim Seokjin’s lips in the quick moment you’d looked his way.  He was seated at a table -- surrounded by his adoring lackeys -- who were no doubt high-fiving themselves into a frenzy after this afternoon’s verdict. You’d been so busy drowning your sorrows in wine and furiously texting with Nari that you hadn’t even noticed his entire group’s arrival.

The absolute nerve of this man.

“I don’t want it,” you say. “Please send it back.”

The bartender looks flustered for a moment, glancing at Seokjin and then back to you.

“But Miss, this is a very expensive bottle of champagne,” he protests kindly.

“I know that,” you reply quickly, which is bullshit because you don’t know anything about champagne but you’ll be damned if you let this server or Kim Seokjin know that. 

“I still don’t want it.”

“Alright then, I’ll take it back,” he says nervously, clearing his throat. No doubt he’s not looking forward to telling the pompous prick you’ve turned away his selfless gift. “If you’re sure, that is.”

You make certain to give the bartender your warmest smile because you know he is looking. 

“Oh, I’m sure.”

************************************

Kim Seokjin has never had to think about concepts like student loans and overdue rent. He’s never had to lie awake at night praying for an opportunity to get ahead.

Status and success are his birthright.  

If you had to guess, you’d say those broad shoulders come from weekends spent lugging a bag of golf clubs across manicured greens. Those muscular legs are probably the result of hours of vigorous tennis at his family’s estate.  And the face? Word on the street is that his mother was a beauty queen which fits quite nicely into his rich boy trifecta.  

Truly, you can’t stand the sight of him.

But if you’re being honest with yourself, the worst thing about Kim Seokjin -- the thing that really sets your teeth on edge --  is that he’s a damned good attorney. 

Maybe daddy’s money got him into the best schools, but he clearly paid attention. So instead of spending his days playing polo or drinking manhattans or doing whatever it is obscenely rich people do all day, he spends his days in court litigating circles around some unfortunate opponent.

Just your luck that his last two opponents happen to be you. 

Kim Seokjin has single-handedly put an end to your personal hot streak. You should be celebrating a big win right now but instead you’ve run straight into a brick wall. 

A tall, broad, well-dressed brick wall.

***********************

“Do you think he’s gay?”

“What?”

“Kim Seokjin, dammit. Are you paying attention to me at all?”

You pull a face when Nari mentions he-who-should-not-be-named. 

“Gay? How the hell should I know?” you grumble, stabbing a fork full of salad with more force than is necessary. 

“I’m just saying. Everyone knows everything about everyone at the courthouse, right? But you never hear about Kim Seokjin hooking up with anyone. Anyone. And I mean, he’s -- you know, gorgeous.”

“I guess,” you say flatly. 

Nari tuts at your unenthusiastic response. Gossip is her specialty and you’re usually game to hear what she’s been able to dig up but just the mention of this man’s name is enough to put you in a mood.  

“Listen, I’d be salty too if I’d lost that case, but that doesn’t change the fact that the man is a four-alarm fire.”

“Two cases,” you correct. “And he’s two-alarm. At best.”

“Oh, you’re hilarious,” Nari laughs.  “Anyway, I picked up something super slinky for Judge Park’s party tomorrow so by then I’ll know one way or another which way he’s batting.”

You roll your eyes. 

“Hope that works out for you. Either way, I really don’t want to talk about Kim Seokjin’s sex life.”

“Okay, fine,” she concedes.  “But what about his professional life? Cause word on the street is that his firm is probably going to make him a partner. Like very soon.”

You chew on that for a moment. 

He’ll probably be the youngest partner in his firm’s history or in any firm’s history, for that matter. It would be the only logical next step in the progression of this man’s obnoxiously charmed life. 

“Good for him,” you grind out, silently willing Nari to drop the subject of the infuriating man entirely. 

She smiles with satisfaction at having dropped a very juicy piece of information, but all you can do is frown into your salad.

****************************

You’ve been staring at this piece of art for a solid five minutes and at this point you are questioning Judge Park’s sanity. It’s objectively hideous. 

“So you do drink champagne.”

The fine hairs at the nape of your neck stand on end at the sound of the deep voice that comes from behind. You’ve just lifted a flute of the aforementioned drink to your lips when he sidles up to you. 

“When I’m in the mood,” you say tightly.

The low chuckle you get in response is very, very annoying. 

You catch a glance of Kim Seokjin out of the corner of your eye because you refuse to acknowledge him with your full attention. As expected, he looks perfectly groomed, impeccably dressed, and irritatingly confident.

“So this is...interesting,” Seokjin says, gesturing at the art piece. 

“Interesting,” you repeat. “Yes, well -- it’s definitely that.”

You know you’re sending him every signal that you’d rather be anywhere but here talking to him but he ignores the hostility pouring off of you in waves.

“I’ve been meaning to catch you,” he says, pausing to take a drink from an ornate highball glass. “I think it’s a shame we haven’t had the chance to speak one-on-one yet.”

Oh, please.

“Yes, what a shame,” you reply sweetly. “So glad you’re finally getting the opportunity to take your victory lap in person.”

“Ouch,” he laughs, tone light despite your obvious irritation. “I came in peace. I’ve had the pleasure of facing you in court but not the pleasure of a formal introduction. So I thought I’d make a point to get acquainted with the woman who’s had me up against the ropes in my last two cases.”

You lift an eyebrow at the thin compliment.  

“I have to say,” he smiles, “I’m impressed.”

A flare of indignation ignites inside you at his casual condescension. As if you give a single solitary shit what Kim Seokjin thinks of your litigation skills. 

“Well now that I know I have your stamp of approval,” you say, body rigid, “I can truly go on.”

You hear his faint huff of laughter as he takes another drink.  A few uncomfortable moments pass before he seems to accept your silence as a sign that this conversation is over.  

“Well it was nice to meet you anyway,” he says, and you hate that you can hear a smile in his voice. “I’m sure we’ll see each other around.”

He leaves you fuming in front of that monstrosity on the wall.

************************

“He’s an asshole,” you say when Nari drops a to-go box at your desk.  “I mean, I always knew he would be, but now I know firsthand.  A self-important, super-inflated asshole.”

Nari laughs. “Kim Seokjin, huh? I saw you two talking at the party and wondered what that was all about.”

She drops into the chair on the other side of your desk with her own to-go box.

“For the record, I can’t get a read off of him. And believe me, I tried,” she sighs.  “So what did he say to you?”

“He was so damned patronizing. He told me I ‘had him up against the ropes’ in his last case,” you hiss. “That I’m talented.”

“Oh, that’s awful,” Nari says, and you don’t miss her thick sarcasm. “Acknowledging your skill and whatnot. You’re right -- total jerk.”

You are immediately impatient with her lack of sympathy.

“You weren’t there, Nari.  He wasn’t passing along some heartfelt praise, he was saying ‘close but no cigar.’”

“He’s professionally competitive, girl.  A shark. What did you expect?”

“I don’t know. Manners, maybe?”

“Ugh, you’re such a baby,” she teases. “I think your sudden success has gone to your head. He’s not about to bend the knee just because you’ve got a great record.”

You narrow your eyes at her.  “No one’s asking him to bend the knee, Nari.”

She smiles.

“Okay, princess, I’m gonna let you believe that. But I will admit that you might be right about the goading thing,” she says. “Last night, Sang Yejun told me Seokjin took over that last case from a junior attorney. Stepped in and snatched it right up and no one thought it was even on his radar.”

Well that catches your attention. 

You’d wondered yourself why the great Kim Seokjin had stooped to take such a minor case. 

“See what I’m saying, Nari? It’s like he’s purposely trying to get under my skin.”

She snorts. 

“Girl you know I love you, but you really need to get a grip. Not everything is about you.”

*************************

Nari was dead wrong. Apparently everything is about you.

Three days after your cringeworthy exchange at Judge Park’s party, you have the displeasure of seeing Kim Seokjin again. This time, he walks right into one of your open hearings and helps himself to a seat.

Your entire body goes rigid when you spot him. He has nothing to do with this case, his firm isn’t involved in any way and yet here he is, taking time out of his precious day to sit in your hearing. You silently simmer over his unwelcome presence and the anxiety that comes with it.

Just what is he playing at?

Your second chair elbows you.

“You ready?” he asks and you nod.  

You take one last look at your notes and will yourself to focus.  The last thing you want to do is screw up this line of questioning and you certainly don’t want to screw it up in front of him.

*************************

You assume the coast is clear when court adjourns and everyone scatters. You look around for any sign of Seokjin while packing up your files and come up empty. You hate to acknowledge the tiny feeling of relief that blossoms inside at that observation.

That feeling of relief doesn’t last long. 

As soon as you round the corner into the hallway you spot him leaned up against the wall, scrolling through his phone as you walk past. You stride quickly, praying he won’t look up in time to see you but no such luck.

“Hey,” he calls after you.  You grit your teeth.  

There’s certainly no way to avoid speaking to him, not without causing a scene.  The hallway is packed with attorneys and paralegals from firms all over the city. You’d hate to give any of them the impression that this man has rattled you.

You stop and round on him.

“How can I help you today, Mr. Kim?”  

He smiles, refusing to be intimidated by your acid tone.

“I got a chance to sit in on your hearing,” he says, as though you didn’t already know that.  ”Not bad.”

You are in uncharted waters right now. If Kim Seokjin was just another asshole in a bar, you’d throw your drink in his face and leave him sputtering.  But he’s a respected colleague and you can’t make a scene -- not here. You’re still trying to figure out how to respond to that gem when he makes another observation. 

“You did miss an opportunity to pin your witness on that last question, though.”

You catch your jaw before it has a chance to drop.

“I thought you were going to go for the jugular for a minute there,” he says, lips pursing to suppress a smile. “But then you backed off.  It surprised me.”

He’s baiting you. And you know he’s baiting you. And you still can’t stop yourself from reacting.

“So are you billing me for these hours or do I get to enjoy all this unsolicited legal advice for free?”

“For you?” He shrugs casually. “Totally free.”

He slips his hands into his pockets and turns to walk away, but you are the one to stop him this time.

“Why?” you call after him.  

He turns back to face you. 

“Why do you care? Why are you here grading me like this is some kind of performance review?” you ask, unable to keep the astonishment out of your voice.

The slow smile that spreads across his face is downright smackable. 

“It’s my job to keep an eye on talent.  Even if the talent is overly confident, bad at taking direction, and just a little…” he stops for a moment to appreciate the look of absolute outrage on your face, “...bratty.”

“Bratty,” you repeat numbly. 

“Bratty,” he confirms. 

He shoots you a wide smile before sauntering away.

***************************

“He said you were…” Nari pauses for effect. “Bratty.”

“Yes.”

You wait through a full thirty seconds of Nari’s laughter before you interrupt.

“You --” you say, pointing an accusing finger at her, “are supposed to be my friend.”

“Oh, I am your friend, sweetheart,” she says, chuckling between words. “And as your friend I have to tell you that’s the most accurate take a man has had on you in a minute.”

You ball up a piece of paper on your desk and throw it at her.

“Seriously,” she says, breathless from laughter. “That is the funniest shit I’ve heard in a while.”

“Glad you think so,” you mutter.

Nari finally manages to collect herself after a moment.

“Okay, so Kim Seokjin thinks you’re bratty. And he’s definitely toying with you. And it’s working. So what are you gonna do about it?” she asks.

You say nothing for a moment. This is the internal debate you’ve been having since your embarrassing little encounter the other day.

“I’m gonna tell him to go fuck himself,” you say, finally.  “Whatever little game he’s playing — I’m done.”

Nari’s sly smile around a fork full of noodles indicates she can’t wait for the gossip that will no doubt come out of this showdown.

*******************************

You have to wait for the right opportunity to confront Kim Seokjin.

You’ve crossed paths with one another a few times in the courthouse in the past few days, but the last thing you want to do is have this conversation in front of the prying eyes and sharp ears that always mill about the halls.

So you stew in your anger and wait for the perfect moment to strike.

The moment comes when you spot a box of files in the lobby of your office, with a large note right on top.

ATTN: Kim Seokjin

Lee & Kang Law Firm

“What is this?” you ask the receptionist, pointing at the box.

“That’s a load of files that has to go over to Lee and Kang.  I’m having them delivered,” she replies.

“Don’t worry about it,” you say quickly.  You check your watch.  It’s end of business already, but you’re certain he’s still at his office.  He’s far too ambitious to be the type to pack it in early.

You pull out your phone and shoot a quick text to Nari. Her response is immediate.

you: going to give seokjin a piece of my mind tonight [ 5:49 PM ]

nari: i expect nothing less than a detailed play-by-play [ 5:50 PM ]

The receptionist quirks an eyebrow at you, waiting for you to get off your phone.

“You don’t want me to call for delivery, then?”

“No,” you smile. “I’ll be happy to hand-deliver them myself.”

She shrugs.  “Suit yourself.”

******************************

The offices of Lee and Kang are opulent. 

Marble and glass and shining fixtures all paid for by hours of top-dollar billing.  It’s one of the best firms in town and they clearly spared no expense in decorating the massive space.

When you walk through the heavy glass doors in the lobby there is no receptionist on duty. The main lights are down, leaving only accent lights and the glow coming from a few open offices. 

You spot one lone woman still working at her desk in the common area. 

“Kim Seokjin?” you ask, as you carry the box past her desk.

For a moment, it looks like she is going to ask you who you are -- because clearly you’re not a deliveryman -- but she sees the note taped to your box and points you in the right direction.

A corner office.  

Of course the pampered asshole would already have a corner office. 

You take a deep breath before knocking and immediately you hear Seokjin’s deep voice responding to invite you in.

The first thing that strikes you when you open his office door is that he does not seem surprised to see you. 

At all.

The man’s beautiful, infuriating face stays entirely neutral as he looks up from the papers on his desk. His total lack of a reaction is unnerving.

The second thing you spot are the massive windows. Seokjin certainly gets to enjoy the perks of his high-status, high-rise office because the backdrop to his workspace is stunning.  The sun has already set and the city is lit up behind him, a stark contrast to the night sky.

The last thing that you notice is that his office is a mess. You’d expect someone as anal-retentive as Kim Seokjin to be a neat freak, but there are boxes and papers all over the floors and even his pictures and degrees are leaning against the walls instead of hanging on them.

“Doing some redecorating?” you ask finally, when he does absolutely nothing to end the awkward silence.

“Something like that,” he answers smoothly.  

“We owe you these documents,” you say, motioning to the box.  You drop it unceremoniously on the floor in front of his desk.

He stares at it for a moment before finally deciding to speak.  

“You --” he starts, “ -- hand-delivered a box of documents to my office? Can your firm not afford couriers anymore? You guys going out of business?”

“That’s a lot of questions at once, Mr. Kim,” you fire back. “Have I walked into a deposition? Am I being videotaped?” 

“Would you like to be videotaped?” he counters evenly.

You search his face for any hint of humor -- any indication of teasing --  and come up empty. The look on his face suggests he’s just asked a serious question that deserves a serious answer.

Alarm bells begin to sound in your head.  

“You seem to be at a loss for words tonight,” he says, finally. “Which from what I gather is a bit unlike you.  So I’ll ask you again, what is a gifted attorney doing playing errand girl with a box of files?”

You stand silent, irritated at your sudden inability to string a simple sentence together.  Moments ago you’d walked in here ready for a confrontation, ready to read this man the riot act.  In a matter of seconds your momentum has died. You can almost feel the power shift in the air. 

“I -- “ you start and falter.  

Seokjin raises one perfect eyebrow.

“I am not bratty,” you say finally, lamely, and it’s laughable because it sounds exactly like something a brat would say.

“Not bratty,“ Seokjin repeats dryly. “Noted. Anything else?”

“Don’t do that,” you hiss. “That dismissive thing you’re doing right now.  I don’t know who you think you think you are, or who you think I am -- but you are all wrong about me.”

He stands up from behind his desk, long fingers moving to loosen the tie around his neck and somehow the simple act comes across as painfully intimate.  You very nearly look away.

“All wrong.”

“Yes,” you repeat firmly.

“Oh, I somehow doubt that,” he demurs, moving slowly around his desk to step closer.  Not once does he take his eyes off of you. 

A flutter of panic spreads across your chest.

“Just...leave me out of whatever game you are playing, Mr. Kim,” you say, the words spilling out in one nervous breath as you turn to make for the entrance of his office. You register the sound of his footsteps but don’t realize he’s made up the distance between you until it’s too late.  He reaches past you to push the door closed.

It slams shut with a heavy thud and for a second all you can do is stare at it.

Slowly you turn to face him.  

“What do you want from me?” you say after a moment, breathing a bit harder than you’d like. Your tongue slips out to wet your lips, a nervous gesture that his eyes follow with keen interest.

“You,” he begins slowly, “are in my office. You came to me.”

He’s crowding you with his body, guiding you both so incrementally you barely register movement until the door is nearly flush against your back. 

“So why don’t you tell me what you want?” 

You stare back at him dumbly.

What you want at this moment is to find the choice words that will take him down a peg. You’d love nothing more than to deliver some scathing, elegant takedown but you fail to find the words. You fail to find any words, in fact.

“You are obstinate,” he whispers, so dangerously close you can smell his aftershave. “Haughty. Smug.”

Your mouth falls open in silent protest.

“And clearly in need of a firm hand.”

Heat floods your cheeks. 

It’s embarrassing, being spoken to like this. It’s humiliating to have Kim Seokjin of all people dress you down in this way . But the most mortifying thing about this bizarre exchange is the way your body warms immediately, blood humming in response to his words. 

“Fuck you, Seokjin,” you whisper back, but the words come out thin and weak.

He leans forward, bracing his palms on either side of the door -- on either side of you, dipping his head low to bring his gaze level with yours. 

“That’s what you’re here for, isn’t it?” 

He doesn’t wait for you to answer. 

“Ask me for it. Better yet --” he leans close to whisper in your ear, “Beg me for it.”

He hasn’t touched you but that doesn’t stop the pang of arousal set off by his words from hitting you like a slap. The sensation that starts at the apex of your thighs spreads into your legs and across your arms, into your fingers like a current. 

Seokjin continues speaking in that same even, unsettling tone.

“Go ahead.  I’ll wait.”

He is too close, too warm, too aggravating, too tempting.  You have to shut your eyes for a moment to block him out and give your brain a moment to catch up. No one has ever spoken to you this way, and this -- your body’s immediate, damning reaction to it -- is something new.  

Something scary.

You’re certain he can see it all over you, the beads of sweat at your temples, the high color in your cheeks. Nari was right — Seokjin is a shark — and he’s looking at you right now like he smells blood in the water. 

You stare back at him, conflicted and incensed and aroused beyond belief. 

“I’m leaving,” you say finally, voice brittle.

He gives you one long look before reaching behind you for the handle to the door.  He pulls it open and waits for you to walk through, but you just stand there for a moment, dazed.

“Get home safe,” he murmurs.

You nearly scream.  He’s maddening like this, in complete control while you feel ready to fall apart at the slightest provocation.  You look from him to the door and back to him.  

You know you have to make a decision. You can walk out that door on trembling legs with your entire body on fire or you can swallow your pride and submit to the most infuriating man you have ever met.  

He quirks that eyebrow again.

“Wait,” you say after a long, tense moment.

“For what?”

“Do it,” you whisper, barely meeting his gaze.

“Do what?”

You want to slap him for feigning ignorance but instead take a deep breath in and out before speaking again.

“Fuck me,” you say quietly into the narrow space between your bodies.

For the first time tonight you see a tell --  a tiny giveaway that Seokjin is as affected as you are by this charged encounter. The look of heat that flickers in his eyes is hypnotic. He shuts the door again and rubs his fingers across his lips before speaking.

“Fuck me, what?” 

You grit your teeth -- irritated with him, irritated with yourself for being in this position.  For not telling him off and leaving with your head held high. Your feet feel rooted to the floor.

“You are an asshole,” you whisper tersely.

“I am,” he admits in that infuriating placid tone.  “And I’m still waiting to hear you say it.”

You take a deep breath, then swallow the taste of humiliation that makes your tongue feel heavy and thick.

“Fuck me, please.”

It’s damned near painful to choke out those words and the second they escape you expect him to gloat. You expect him to dangle your submission over your head, to weaponize it and use it against you.  What you do not expect is the eerie calm when he reaches behind you again to cut the lights to his office.  

His voice is low when he leans close to your ear.

“Good girl.”

***********************

[dearingbooks]

The Difference one Woman can make.

Late Friday night in June, we had stopped for a burger on the way to the cinema, we used to do family movie nights at the cinema when a new film came out that the majority of us wanted to watch, this time I was the one who was reluctant to go, sadly we do this significantly less now.  So, stubborn 2015 me, rolling her eyes and dragging her feet up the cinema steps to find our seats to watch the new Jurassic World movie. Pathetic! I thought, why pay money to watch a movie about a dinosaur theme park! My parents had completely lost it! Huffing and puffing I took my seat on the aisle and sipped my blue raspberry slushie and looked up at the big screen. Ugh! I wanted it to be over, quickly. I sat down and shut my mouth, despite not wanting to watch it, I wasn’t going to spoil it for the others; but I didn’t get why they would want to watch it, I watched the trailer before going, was not impressed, it looked dumb!

However, as much as my pre-Jurassic self would not like, I found who I was during that movie, I discovered a whole new admiration for actors and movies. I found that I related to the main female protagonist, Claire Dearing. She did not need a man, or children, she was so focused on her career and let no one boss her around. She was top dog, and I completely fell for this fictional character. I evolved through that movie with her character, I felt content with being a strong female who put career over family. I wanted to embody this fictional woman; I wanted to be her.

On the journey home I typed ‘Claire Dearing actress’ into google and saw this stunning redhead- Bryce Dallas Howard. I immediately recognised her from movies I had watched prior, and I was completely astounded at her range of characters she can portray and portray them well. After scrolling through her Wiki page and reading news articles about her, I learned that she is the daughter of Ron Howard, one of my parents’ favourite people in film.

“Dad, that woman in the movie is Ron Howard's daughter”, I needed to inform my family that my now favourite woman in film is the daughter of my parents’ favourite people in film. My parents were shocked that I enjoyed the movie despite my loud vocalisation of not wanting to watch it.

Googling ‘Bryce Dallas Howard’ became my new after school routine, learning that she applied to acting school as Bryce Dallas to avoid people knowing she is the daughter of an already famous actor and director, and she had met her true love at nineteen and is still happily married to him. Yet what most stuck out to the self-conscious, body hating 2015 me, was that Bryce wasn’t a skinny twig of a woman that you see in most movies, she had classy curves and promoted body positivity despite some backlash the media gave her. I made a connection with this woman I had never met because I too received negative comments about my figure, yet Bryce took that on the shoulder and learned to love herself. I wanted to feel that self-love about myself that she acquired.

After watching Jurassic World, I explored many more fandoms, and from there I became obsessed with movie franchises and TV shows, actors and directors. I could not give you a full list of all of the fandoms I am in, there are too many to count, and they have all played a role in helping me evolve to who I am today. All because I latched onto one character from one movie I did not even want to watch, one film got me hooked on this life: it’s like a drug. I cannot stop. I also went back and forth with my hairstyle due to this woman; in the movie Bryce has a stunning ginger graduated bob with a fringe, however I never had the guts to go ginger until now; shame the hairdressers are all shut.

Now, almost six years later Bryce Dallas Howard has had great success in directing two episodes of The Mandalorian. Over the Christmas break I watched the show with my dad, sat on the sofa, fire lit, the chocolate Labrador curled up between us, peach vodka and diet lemonade in my hand, hot cup of tea in my dad’s. We binge watched both seasons in a week (it’s amazing) and he was shocked to see ‘Directed by Bryce Dallas Howard’ at the end of one, let alone two episodes. “Shit, she’s come far in the past few years” he said putting another episode on.

Bryce allowed me to find my best friend, Iz, through Instagram; Bryce has brought so many people together it is so surreal. And when I found out that Iz was going to Southampton University in 2019, a 20-minute drive from my house, I was finally able to meet her, because of one woman we both adore. I was friends with Iz for three years before I was able to meet her, I asked my school friend to come along with me so she could film the moment Iz, and I met! We got pancakes and watched the second Maleficent movie at the cinema, it was one of the best days of my life. I was so thankful that I met a truly hilarious and loving girl through this one actress! Because of Bryce Dallas Howard, I have made so many other friends from all over the globe as they too idolise Bryce and together we have created the ‘BDH online family’. A small group of us do regular zoom calls to catch up and chat about the recent photos and updates that Bryce has posted on Instagram, talk about Covid-19 and the types of restrictions and lockdown rules each of our countries has. During one of our calls, we had the craziest idea- Invite Bryce to one of our zoom calls. Bryce said yes! And after a few months of organisation, we had the date. The date was-

My.

Birthday.

The day came around and I was so nervous, it was 11pm exactly. The Wi-Fi had cut out fifteen minutes before the call. I was in tears. Mascara down my face, puffy eyes, I joined the call with a few minutes to spare before Bryce joined it. My mum hung around off camera for the first 5 minutes to double check the Wi-Fi was stable, luckily it stabilised. The other girls had never been so glad to see me, everyone was panicked for me; I could not miss it for the world (despite telling my parents, in floods of tears, that I cannot join and that it’s the end of that).

“Kat! You’re here!” “Happy birthday!” “Are you okay? The Wi-Fi sorted?”

They all chimed, happy to see my little face in the bottom right corner of their computer screens. Luckily Iz was there, otherwise it would have been extremely awkward with only one of us since we are known as a duo in the online family, we have to do everything together, we come in a pair and there can’t just be one of us.

“Shit girls, that was stressful”

I hadn’t realised I was holding my breath until I exhaled the large breath when my    Wi-Fi settled, and I was on the call, I fixed my makeup and was ready to meet Bryce.

The few minutes we had before Bryce joined were intense, two of the girls left to get a drink and we weren’t sure if they would be back in time, luckily they did return.

“No way!” One of them, Anna who was hosting the call, gasped “Bryce is in the waiting room!”

We all freak for no more than 10 seconds, we compose ourselves then our faces are reshuffled, and we see this stunning glowing face that we all admire smiling at us. Omg, it's her.

“Hi girls!”

I have never smiled for so long in my entire life, my cheeks hurt afterwards. Don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining at all, it just hurt as I thought I would only be smiling for half an hour, since that is how long we were told Bryce had. However, we were speaking to Bryce for nearly an hour and a half, she just kept talking and asked us questions! She was so lovely to talk to, so relaxed; it was if I was talking to a friend that I had known for years!

“Before we go I want to all sing Kat a happy birthday!”

My idol wanted to sing me a happy birthday! The other girls were really ecstatic for me, I still can’t believe to this day that The Bryce Dallas Howard wanted to sing to me!

It was both the best and the worst happy birthday song that has be sung to me. It was the best because, well my idol was singing to me! And proposed the singing! It was the worst in terms of the actual song as they were all out of sync and lagging, it was bloody hilarious!

At 10:27pm the next evening, watching a rerun of Game of Thrones on Sky, I got a notification ‘Brycedhoward just posted’, I clicked the notification then see our smiling faces on her page, she posted a screenshot of our call on her social media! The call was supposed to be a secret so other fans weren’t upset. There’s a few snotty comments on the post, but they’re just jealous and to be frank, I don’t care! My smiley face is on her page forever! All ten of us have printed the screenshot of Bryce’s post off and put it in a frame, one day all ten of us hope to congregate somewhere, most likely in America, and sign the backs of all of our photos. I’m still in utter awe and shock-  How many celebrities have you seen that would do a free zoom call with some fans? Not a lot, and that amount is even slimmer when they talk for an extra hour than scheduled. Bryce truly is one of a kind and the best idol anyone could ever hope to have.

Compared to a zoom call with Bryce herself, the few times she has liked my comments on her posts feel like nothing in comparison! I remember being so excited, running downstairs to my parents.

“Mum! Dad! Bryce liked my comment! She knows I exist!”

“Was it actually her? Remember when you got a Facebook request from Robert Downey Jr and it turned out it was a fake account?”

I rolled my eyes at her, it was Bryce, it was her verified account. The comment was a book recommendation I had for her, she posted on her hashtag BDHbookshelf and I thought I’d take a chance and comment a book recommendation I had for her, and the chance paid off.

I cannot wait to see what the future holds with Bryce, she has been such an inspiration to me for the past few years, and she promotes such wonderful causes and body positivity! I hope to one day meet her and thank her in person for changing my life for the better, and I think I’ve come up with the perfect opportunity to meet her- Iz and I have decided to travel up to London for the Jurassic World Dominion premiere in 2022 (if Covid lets us!), we’d get a hotel and actually meet Bryce in person, as well as meeting other members of the online family!

Words cannot fully contain the admiration that I possess for Bryce, her soul is utterly and truly exquisite, she has been such a visionary while I’ve been transitioning from a girl who had no idea who she was with no dreams or aspirations, to a woman who has now found so many new friends and now knows who she wants to be.  

[amwritesitall]

The Sarahs as Songs from Folklore and Evermore

Masterlist

Link in the names are the Spotify playlists I have for each character. These playlists are a never ending work in progress. Some posts can be found on a few of them on the Masterlist link above.

The reasoning for these songs vary. Some are like I’m pitching you a thesis for an essay and others are just little blurbs. Also, I apologize for any grammatical errors! A lot of this was worked on after midnight, so there might be a few errors I missed.

Billie Dean Howard

“cowboy like me”

I've got some tricks up my sleeve Takes one to know one You're a cowboy like me Never wanted love Just a fancy car Now I'm waiting by the phone Like I'm sitting in an airport bar You had some tricks up your sleeve Takes one to know one

You're a cowboy like me Perched in the dark Telling all the rich folks anything they wanna hear Like it could be love I could be the way forward Only if they pay for it

You gotta love Billie Dean. This song gives me Billie vibes in the way that the narrator never was really looking for love, they just kind of stumbled upon it. Billie Dean was never really looking since she was focused on her show and her career in general, wanting fame and fortune. Settling down for love wasn’t in the cards, but then she finds the perfect person and the person she ends up falling for is someone similar to her, never wanting to settle down. 

Long story short, two lady killers meet and fall for each other.

“august”

But I can see us lost in the memory August slipped away into a moment in time 'Cause it was never mine And I can see us twisted in bedsheets August sipped away like a bottle of wine 'Cause you were never mine

A lot of folklore gives me teen au vibes for a lot of these characters. This one makes me think of teen summer romance au with lady killer Billie Dean. For teen Billie, I just picture her having a whirlwind summer romance that doesn’t last long, but it leaves such an impact on her and the other person even after they’ve returned to someone else at the end of the summer.

Lana Winters

“betty”

Yeah, I showed up at your party Will you have me? Will you love me? Will you kiss me on the porch in front of all your stupid friends? If you kiss me, will it be just like I dreamed it? Will it patch your broken wings? I'm only 17, I don't know anything But I know I miss you

I know this song isn’t gay, but I want it to be, so here we are. Pretty much my only reasoning for this one is teen au vibes.

“cardigan”

Sequin smile, black lipstick Sensual politics When you are young, they assume you know nothing

But I knew you Dancin' in your Levi's Drunk under a streetlight, I I knew you Hand under my sweatshirt Baby, kiss it better, I

And when I felt like I was an old cardigan Under someone's bed You put me on and said I was your favorite

Secret relationship with Lana and her giving her lover all the love she deserves. Lana Winters is such a loving person and from her trouble with her family and others in her life, she knows what it’s like to feel like “an old cardigan sweater under someone’s bed” and she doesn’t want her lover to ever feel like that.

Another thing about this is in the first three lines. Lana is a young woman working in a mainly male dominated field. All the men (most of them older as well) look down on her because she is a young woman assuming, as the lyrics suggests, that she knows nothing. I might be crazy, but I feel like these first few lines some up some of the Lana we know and see throughout season two and her multiple appearances in other seasons as well.

“dorothea”

Hey Dorothea Do you ever stop and think about me? When we were younger Down in the park Honey, making a lark of the misery You got shiny friends since you left town A tiny screen's the only place I see you now And I got nothing but well wishes for ya

Dear reader, I propose to you this, the narrator talking about our Lana Winters. Specifically, I’m referring to Lana towards the end of season two where she has gotten fame from her book and her newfound fame goes to her head a little bit. The spin is that along with this she’s got a lover back home that wishes her well, but misses her, yearns for her if you will. So, we’re going to pretend there’s an AU where Lana’s got a lover back home and watches this all occur.

Cordelia Goode

“my tears ricochet”

And I can go anywhere I want Anywhere I want, just not home And you can aim for my heart, go for blood But you would still miss me in your bones And I still talk to you (when I'm screaming at the sky) And when you can't sleep at night (you hear my stolen lullabies)

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace And so the battleships will sink beneath the waves You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same Cursing my name, wishing I stayed You turned into your worst fears

CORDELIA HAS BEEN DONE DIRTY BY QUITE A FEW PEOPLE IN HER LIFE. Sis has been done dirty by Fiona, Hank, and problem a few other people we don’t even know about. 

This song makes me think of a few different things with Cordelia. The Fiona aspect is 1) Fiona’s anger with Cordelia for being the Supreme instead of being happy and proud of her daughter and 2) Fiona’s overall poor treatment of Cordelia.

You could also interpret this as Cordelia’s awful relationship with good ol toxic Hank. Cordelia didn’t deserve the awful treatment from Hank and Fiona. Cordelia is trying to deal with all of this and she loved these people, but they treated her so poorly and in the end it’s going to come back and bite them in the end.

“tolerate it”

I wait by the door like I'm just a kid Use my best colors for your portrait Lay the table with the fancy shit And watch you tolerate it If it's all in my head, tell me now Tell me I've got it wrong somehow I know my love should be celebrated But you tolerate it

Now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life Drawing hearts in the byline Always taking up too much space or time You assume I'm fine

This song HURTS me. You can interpret this song a few different ways, but the way I interpret it for Cordelia is to look at it as a mother/daughter relationship between her and Fiona.

As a child, Cordelia always wanted to impress her mother. Her mother was the Supreme after all, so she had a lot to live up to (makes me think of “Now I’m begging for footnotes in the story of your life”). She’s giving it her all like the lyrics “Use my best colors for your portrait / Lay the table with the fancy shit.” The first line from the excerpt above also points to Cordelia still seeking this approval even now that she’s an adult. She does all of this for her mother, but in return her mother just merely tolerates it. It never seems like enough to impress her even though Cordelia is a successful and overall incredible woman. She always feels like she’s not enough, merely getting in the way (”Always taking up too much space or time”).

“ivy”

Oh, goddamn My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand Taking mine, but it's been promised to another Oh, I can't Stop you putting roots in my dreamland My house of stone, your ivy grows And now I'm covered in you

I wish to know The fatal flaw that makes you long to be Magnificently cursed He's in the room Your opal eyes are all I wish to see He wants what's only yours

AU AU AU AU AU

Picture it: a historical au with a forbidden love between Lady Cordelia Goode and a normal working class gal, however, Cordelia has been promised to marry another, say Hank. Secret relationship ensues.

I have so many thoughts on this au

Bette and Dot Tattler

“seven”

Sweet tea in the summer Cross your heart, won't tell no other And though I can't recall your face I still got love for you Your braids like a pattern Love you to the moon and to Saturn Passed down like folk songs The love lasts so long

This song just captures the innocence that I think fits Bette and Dot really well. It’s hard to find songs to fit these two, but I really think this one has their vibes.

“willow”

Life was a willow and it bent right to your wind Head on the pillow, I could feel you sneaking in As if you were a mythical thing Like you were a trophy or a champion ring And there was one prize I'd cheat to win The more that you say The less I know Wherever you stray I follow I'm begging for you to take my hand Wreck my plans That's my man

Like “seven,” this song captures the innocent, sweet vibes that these two have. This one adds to the hopeless romantic aspect that both Bette and Dot have as well.

Sally McKenna

“hoax”

This has broken me down My twisted knife My sleepless night My win-less fight This has frozen my ground

Stood on the cliffside Screaming, "Give me a reason" Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in Don't want no other shade of blue But you No other sadness in the world would do 

Sally is a sad bitch. Poor girl has been heart broken and I elaborate on this next part more later. With her love, Sally doesn’t want to move on from that person since she believed they were the love of her life, however, now they’ve betrayed her and are gone and she’s alone once again.

“right where you left me”

Everybody moved on, I I stayed there Dust collected on my pinned-up hair They expected me to find somewhere Some perspective, but I sat and stared

Right where you left me You left me no Oh, you left me no You left me no choice but to stay here forever You left me

AHHHH THIS IS A SALLY SONG! I’ve had this post in my drafts since evermore came out and I was worried I wouldn’t have much for Sally, but then this bonus track came out and I couldn’t not think of Sally when I listened to it.

This is another one of those songs that you can interpret literally or figuratively. In Sally’s case you could definitely interpret this as her being trapped as a literal ghost in the Cortez after her lover leaves her but you can also look at it in terms of Sally’s personality. In love, Sally seems like the person to hold onto someone long after they are gone and moved on. She loves hard, so it is extremely hard for her to move on. I think that if she found the person she believed was the right person and they ended up leaving her, she wouldn’t move on from them at all. She’d be holding on, waiting for them to come back even if they never do.

Audrey Tindall

“the 1″

But we were something, don't you think so? Roaring 20s, tossing pennies in the pool And if my wishes came true It would've been you In my defense, I have none For never leaving well enough alone But it would've been fun If you would've been the one

Audrey looking back on a love from another time. Basically I want all of the AUs. I wish I had more to say, but vibes.

“mirrorball”

And they called off the circus Burned the disco down When they sent home the horses And the rodeo clowns I'm still on that tightrope I'm still trying everything to get you laughing at me I'm still a believer but I don't know why I've never been a natural All I do is try, try, try I'm still on that trapeze I'm still trying everything To keep you looking at me

This song makes me think of Audrey having to be different versions of herself for everyone through her career path and being a celebrity because she wants so desperately for people to love her and everything she does. She loves the spotlight with “I’m still on that trapeze / I’m still trying everything / To keep you looking at me,” and she’s such a people pleaser that she’ll do anything to get people to continue to like her even if sometimes there’s nothing you can do (”And they called off the circus / Burned the disco down”). I come to this conclusion through Audrey’s insecurities about her age that we see in the second half of season six with her relationship with Rory. 

“champagne problems”

Because I dropped your hand while dancing Left you out there standing Crestfallen on the landing Champagne problems

Your mom's ring in your pocket My picture in your wallet Your heart was glass, I dropped it Champagne problems

I’m not gonna lie, I don’t have a huge interpretation for this one. This kinda just makes me think of angsty au with Audrey.

“’tis the damn season”

So we could call it even You could call me babe for the weekend 'Tis the damn season, write this down I'm stayin' at my parents' house And the road not taken looks real good now And it always leads to you in my hometown

Out of everyone, Audrey is the person I picture going back to the ex for the holidays. She wants get cuffed for the holiday season even if it’s only for a little while.

“invisible string”

Green was the color of the grass Where I used to read at Centennial Park I used to think I would meet somebody there...

Time, curious time Gave me no compasses, gave me no signs Were there clues I didn't see? And isn't it just so pretty to think All along there was some Invisible string Tying you to me?

Audrey is definitely the type of person to believe in fate. To her everything happens for a reason and one day she’s going to find her soulmate. Overall, big Audrey Tindall vibes.

Ally Mayfair-Richards

“mad woman”

Every time you call me crazy, I get more crazy What about that? And when you say I seem angry, I get more angry

And there's nothing like a mad woman What a shame she went mad No one likes a mad woman You made her like that And you'll poke that bear 'til her claws come out And you find something to wrap your noose around And there's nothing like a mad woman

You cannot tell me that Ally did not ghost write this like damn this song screams Ally. This song is literally all about how society has a habit of gaslighting women and that’s exactly what happened to Ally for most of season seven. The entire season focused on Kai’s cult working to convince Ally that she’s going insane and when people wouldn’t believe the very real terror’s she was suffering from, it pushed her closer and closer to madness until she nearly breaks from it all.

“no body, no crime” feat. HAIM

Good thing my daddy made me get a boating license when I was fifteen And I've cleaned enough houses to know how to cover up a scene Good thing Este's sister's gonna swear she was with me ("She was with me dude") Good thing his mistress took out a big life insurance policy

They think she did it but they just can't prove it They think she did it but they just can't prove it She thinks I did it but she just can't prove it No, no body, no crime I wasn't letting up until the day he died

We love a homicidal queen. Ally isn’t in SCUM for nothing. Also I’m pretty sure this is my favorite song from evermore because I’m in love with the vibes.

“marjorie”

Never be so polite, you forget your power Never wield such power, you forget to be polite

This bit of the song just makes me think of how Ally holds herself at the end of the season. It’s a simple, but still expresses the perfect message.

“closure”

It's been a long time And seeing the shape of your name Still spells out pain It wasn't right The way it all went down Looks like you know that now

Yes, I got your letter Yes, I'm doing better

ALLY DOESN’T NEED YOUR APOLOGY! SHE’S A BAD BITCH

Wilhemina Venable

“exile” feat. Bon Iver

All this time We always walked a very thin line You didn't even hear me out  You never gave a warning sign 

All this time I never learned to read your mind I couldn't turn things around  'Cause you never gave a warning sign

For these lyrics I’m picturing Mina’s lover saying/thinking them. Mina isn’t used to love, so when she finally falls for someone and they reciprocate those feelings she gets scared. She shuts them out without any warning sign because she’s not sure how to handle all these intense feelings for this person.

“illicit affairs”

Make sure nobody sees you leave Hood over your head Keep your eyes down Tell your friends you're out for a run You'll be flushed when you return Take the road less traveled by Tell yourself you can always stop What started in beautiful rooms Ends with meetings in parking lots

And that's the thing about illicit affairs And clandestine meetings And longing stares It's born from just one single glance But it dies, and it dies, and it dies A million little times

The connotation of these lyrics is everything in my interpretation of it with Wilhemina. The story line is similar to the song “ivy,” but the connotation of the affairs taking place is completely different. “ivy” is all about a forbidden but loving relationship, while “illicit affairs” has a more negative connotation to where the affair is tearing the person apart. This song makes me think of a secret relationship with Wilhemina where her lover wants something more than just a secret affair, but Wilhemina isn’t willing to open herself up enough for that. This affair turns into something that isn’t working well for the lover, but they want Wilhemina so much that they put up with whatever they can get.

Mildred Ratched

“happiness”

Honey, when I'm above the trees I see it for what it is But now my eyes leak acid rain on the pillow where you used to lay your head After giving you the best I had Tell me what to give after that All you want from me now is the green light of forgiveness You haven't met the new me yet And I think she'll give you that

I don’t have much in the interpretation department for this one, but this song does make me think of Mildred’s personality. This song has the vulnerability and a bit of bitterness that I feel like Mildred would have in a situation like this. I’m not exactly sure how to describe it but this makes me think of her outlook on love and heartbreak.

“evermore” feat. Bon Iver

I rewind the tape but all it does is pause On the very moment all was lost Sending signals To be double crossed

And I was catching my breath Barefoot in the wildest winter Catching my death And I couldn't be sure I had a feeling so peculiar That this pain would be for Evermore

This girl has been “double crossed.” My woman Mildred has been done dirty. This makes me think of angsty Mildred getting betrayed by someone who she trusted in love. And I don’t it’s sad and I thought of some sad vibes with bb millie.

“epiphany”

With you, I serve With you, I fall down, down Watch you breathe in Watch you breathing out, out

Something med school did not cover Someone's daughter, someone's mother Holds your hand through plastic now "Doc, I think she's crashing out" And some things you just can't speak about

Nurse Mildred Ratched. That is all folks.

“gold rush”

But I don't like a gold rush, gold rush I don't like anticipating my face in a red flush I don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch Everybody wants you Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you Walk past, quick brush I don't like slow motion double vision in rose blush I don't like that falling feels like flying 'til the bone crush Everybody wants you

At dinner parties I call you out on your contrarian shit And the coastal town We wandered 'round had never Seen a love as pure as it And then it fades into the gray of my day old tea 'Cause you know it could never be

Call me crazy BUT this song makes me think of Mildred. She’s the type of person that isn’t really comfortable with love. She doesn’t like to be vulnerable and this pushes her to be uncomfortable with little things like someone making her blush. Love is new to her.

She is also envious of the effect this person has on her and, in turn, the effect that person has on everyone else because they are so stunning. When they do get together it is the type of love that poetry is written about. Witty banter and fiery gazes but also the gentle caress of a hand while walking along the shore. 

This love is perfect in every way, but of course there must also be a level of angst to nearly all stories and the angst with this one is the fact that the time period Mildred is around in does not allow her to love her lover openly and freely. Overtime this might cause a strain on the relationship with the line “And then it fades into the gray of my day old tea / ‘Cause you know it could never be.” Her and her lover both know that society would condemn them for who they are.

Harriet Hayes

“peace”

'Cause there's robbers to the east, clowns to the west I'd give you my sunshine, give you my best But the rain is always gonna come if you're standing with me

But I'm a fire and I'll keep your brittle heart warm If your cascade ocean wave blues come All these people think love's for show But I would die for you in secret The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?

Harriet is a big celebrity. She has paparazzi hounding her all the time and once she’s in a relationship they start hounding that person too. It’s a lot for a person and a relationship. Harriet can change that aspect of their relationship (”But the rain is always gonna come if you’re standing with me”), but she can provide her lover with as much love she can give. She will always try her best for the person she truly, truly loves her. There may be some bumps along the way (like the next song) but she will do her best and hopefully that’s enough for her lover because she can’t ever completely give them peace.

“this is me trying”

I've been having a hard time adjusting I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting I didn't know if you'd care if I came back I have a lot of regrets about that Pulled the car off the road to the lookout Could've followed my fears all the way down And maybe I don't quite know what to say But I'm here in your doorway

I just wanted you to know That this is me trying I just wanted you to know That this is me trying

They told me all of my cages were mental So I got wasted like all my potential And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad

The last line gives me hella Harriet vibes because I feel like when she’s angry she’s kind of blinded by it. She’s the type of person that says some really hurtful things that she doesn’t mean when she’s angry. 

Looking deeper, I get Harriet vibes from the beginning in the sense that Harriet is just trying to do the best that she can in a relationship, but it’s just not really working out. She has her career the “shiniest wheel,” however, now that’s slowing down and she’s lost on what to do with her relationships. She wants everything to work out like how she did so well so quick with her career, but everything isn’t working out like that.

[fanmoose12]

Hi! I am a big fan of your writing. Your levihan AUs are amazing and so fun to read. If it is okay with you, could I please request a teashop AU? maybe Levi as the owner of the small teashop, and Hange as the peculiar costumer that always has the weirdest yet interesting stories (hilarity ensues). Maybe a little of jealous levy when hearing so much about this Moblit guy in each story... I crave for levihan domestic and 'just being happy together' moments.

“As I was saying, I asked Moblit to pass me that sample tube, and can you guess what happened next?”

“No.” Levi flatly replied. “And I don’t care. How many times do I have to tell you that for you to shut up?”

Hange smiled, gripping a cup of tea in her hands tighter. “I’ll stop talking, Levi, when you stop listening.”

Levi blinked a few times, caught off guard by her words. “Just shut up, four-eyes,” he grumbled after a few seconds. “I’m busy.”

As to prove his words, Levi walked behind the counter and brought out a cloth. Pointedly ignoring Hange’s amused gaze, he proceeded to wipe all the tables inside his little shop. It lasted for no more than two minutes. There weren’t enough tables for him to wipe.

Cursing under his breath, Levi returned behind the counter. The universe was definitely fucking with him, because aside from Hange, there wasn’t a single customer inside his shop.

Levi cursed again, plopping down on a chair next to her.

“Well?” he prompted, when Hange continued to just stare at him with annoyingly friendly smile. “You asked that Moblit of yours to pass you a sample tube, and then what?”

Hange’s smile grew wider and eyes behind her glasses began to sparkle. “Where was I?” she asked before starting her story.

As Levi watched her talking, jumping from one topic to another, he once again wondered how it had come to this. How he got to know this eccentric and unbelievingly smart woman and how had she become the regular of his small tea shop, coming here almost every day and entertaining him (although Levi would never admit it out loud) with stories from her life and stupid jokes.

Levi remembered the first time he saw Hange. She came barging in his shop, eyes wide and wild. She demanded the strongest coffee he had, her hands trembling either from excitement or exhaustion. After Levi had pointed out that they don’t sell coffee, because she came into a tea shop, the obviously crazy woman started laughing. And Levi, for some unbeknownst reason, decided to take pity on her. He brewed her a cup of green tea, and then watched with bewilderment how Hange swallowed it down in a few quick gulps, immediately asking for another one.

Apparently, Hange enjoyed his tea so much that next day she came into Levi’s shop again. And again, and again, and soon Levi saw her annoying face almost daily.

And he would never admit to himself, and especially to Hange, but Levi was always waiting for her visits. She made the usually dull shifts more interesting and some of her jokes weren’t that bad. Somehow, Hange became a constant in his life, and Levi was surprised to realize that he didn’t mind it.

 ***

Levi’s left eye was twitching as he listened to the awkward flirting of a girl in front of him.

“So you work at a tea shop, right?” the girl asked, tucking a loose lock of hair behind her ear.

She was smiling sheepishly at him, and Levi wanted to slam his head against a table.

Instead he nodded and tried his best to maintain a straight face.

“So that means you like tea?”

Levi heard a cough, which was badly masking a chuckle. His eyes instantly darted to the source of a sound. Hange was sitting at a table near the window, trying her best to hide an amused smile on her lips.

Fucking four-eyes, Levi thought angrily. She’s just sitting there, laughing at him! Levi gave her a vicious glare before returning his attention to the girl.

Erwin always told him he had to be nice to his customers. And Levi always sucked at it.

“Yes, I do like tea.” Levi replied in a strained voice.

The girl hid as a smile, as she fidgeted with a handle of a cup. Levi hoped she wouldn’t break it.

“And what else do you like?”

Before Levi could open his mouth to reply, he heard a loud crash.

“Ouch,” Hange smiled awkwardly, getting from her seat and stepping away from a dirty pool on a floor.

Levi strode to her, a deep scowl on his face. “Fuck’s sake, four-eyes, look at the mess you’ve made!”

“Sorry, sorry,” Hange flailed her hands. “You know how clumsy I am!” she grabbed Levi by the hand, leaning into his ear. “You can thank me later,” she whispered, pointing to a girl, who gave Levi a disappointed look before grabbing her bag and exiting his shop.

When the door closed after her, Levi sighed in relief.

“I’ve never thought I’d say this, but you’ve saved my life.”

Hange chuckled. “Was it that bad? That girl was so pretty!”

“Not my type.” Levi replied, as he began mopping the floor.

“And what is your type?” Hange asked with a delighted grin.

“None of your business.”

“Aw,” Hange pouted, before her eyes darted to the watch on her hand. “Shit!” she exclaimed, swiftly putting on her coat. “I’m running late! Bye, Levi!” she patted his shoulder and then hurriedly left his shop.

“Oi, four-eyes!” Levi called after. “You forgot to pay, you dumbass!”

But Hange didn’t hear him, and Levi cursed as he watched her figure disappear into the crowd.

What a mess of a woman, Levi thought before resuming his cleaning.  

 ***

It was probably the worst day of Levi’s life. First, he overslept because he had forgotten to charge his phone the night before, then his car broke down and he was forced to take a subway to his work, and then, when he was almost near his shop, he bumped into someone. Into someone with a cup of hot coffee in their hands.

And now Levi was standing behind the counter in his dirty and wet shirt, listening to another one of Hange’s tales. Her voice seemed more annoying than usual, and with each words she spoke, Levi could feel his headache intensify.

He endured it for another five minutes, with Hange’s voice seemingly becoming louder and louder, before he snapped.

“Shut up!” Levi barked, slamming his hands on a counter.

Hange jumped in surprise, her eyes widening in shock. “Levi?” she quietly asked.

“Shut up!” Levi repeated, angrier this time. “You talk and talk and talk, and I can’t take it anymore!”

Hange continued to look at him worriedly, and Levi startled as he realized what he had done.

“Fuck, Hange, I’m sorry,” he ran a hand through his hair, sighing. “I didn’t mean to shout, I just had an awful day. But still, I shouldn’t have screamed at you. You’re my customer an—”  

“Oi!” Hange interrupted him sternly. “I wasn’t offended by your outburst, Levi, but really? I’m your customer? Is that really how you see me?”

“Huh?” Levi looked up at her in surprise. “How else should I see you?”

Hange smacked his arm with a pout on her face. “You asshole! Aren’t we friends?”

“F-friends?”

“Yes, friends. You know, people who frequently talk with each other and enjoy each other’s presence?”

“And that’s… us?”

“Well, yeah,” Hange shrugged. “I came here a lot and I tell you about my day and sometimes you tell me about yours, we joke and tease each other, and…” Hange trailed off, avoiding Levi’s eyes and staring into her cup. “And I don’t know about you, but I consider you my friend, Levi. A close one, actually.”

“Oh.” That’s all Levi could say. He stared at Hange’s bowed head, thinking about her words. Was Hange correct? Were they… friends? Levi didn’t have friends, the only person who he may have called a friend was Erwin, who helped him open this shop. But his relationship with Erwin was nothing like his relationship with Hange. He didn’t feel so light with Erwin, he wasn’t so relaxed in his presence. Hange made him feel at peace. Was it what friends were supposed to do?

“I’m sorry, Hange,” Levi tentatively covered her hand with his. He wasn’t used to physical contact, wasn’t comfortable with it, but he knew Hange was different. She frequently invaded his personal space, ruffling his hair or pinching his cheeks. “I don’t have a lot of friends, and I didn’t want to upset you. I know I act like an asshole sometimes, but I really like you. Not just as a customer.”

“So I am your friend?” Hange smiled hopefully.

“I guess so.” Levi shrugged and turned away, trying to mask a blush that appeared on his cheeks under Hange’s intense gaze. “Alright, tell me what you were doing today,” Levi changed the subject. All these talks about feelings made him uncomfortable. “How many explosions have you caused?”

Hange smiled that soft smile, which Levi secretly liked to look at, and started talking.

 ***

Hange hadn’t visited his shop for a whole week.

And despite himself, Levi was worried. Maybe, he wouldn’t care if she hadn’t disappeared right after their last conversation, where Levi had screamed at her. And he tried to deny it, couldn’t believe that what he was feeling was true, but… he missed Hange.

Without her presence, the shop seemed too quiet and tranquil and Levi’s shifts were boring and uneventful. Was it always like this, he wondered, was his life that boring and eventful before he met Hange?

Had she made his life better?

 ***

Levi looked up from his book, when he heard the sound of a doorbell chime. His heart began to fill with hope, but it was quickly shuttered as Levi saw that it wasn’t Hange who had come in.  

His new customer was a man with chestnut hair and dressed in an oversized sweater. As he came to the counter, he wore a small, but nervous smile. “I would like to order a cup of honey lemon green tea.”

Levi gave a man a critical look. That kind tea wasn’t on his menu. No one knew that Levi had it. Except one person, who frequently came to Levi’s shop and always ordered it.

“You are Moblit, right?” Levi asked.

Moblit’s eyes widened. “How did you—?”

“Hange talks about you a lot.” Levi explained, feeling a sudden jab of pain in his chest. “So four-eyes finally grew sick of seeing my face?” he asked, keeping his voice neutral. Levi turned around, starting to prepare the tea. He didn’t want for Moblit to see his face, when he would confirm Levi’s suspicion.

“Oh no, no,” Moblit waved his hands around. “She did get sick, but not of you. Just sick.” He chuckled nervously.

“What happened?” Levi was unable to hide the worry on his face. His fear about Hange being angry with him immediately changed to anxiety about Hange’s wellbeing.

“You know Hange,” Moblit awkwardly scratched the back of his neck. “She always overworks herself, she pulled one all-nighter too many, and her body decided it had enough. It’s nothing serious, just some mild fever. She spends her days in bed, mostly sleeping, but she looks so miserable and I know she loves your tea so I decided, well, to lift her spirits?”

Levi nodded, handing Moblit the finished cup of tea. “Wait a minute.” He said, before disappearing into the back room. A moment later he returned, a white paper bag in his hands. “It’s cherry cupcakes,” he explained, pointing at them with his chin. “They’re Hange’s favorite.”

“Oh, thank you so much!” Moblit gave him a wide smile. He reached for his wallet, but Levi stopped him.

“It’s on a house,” he grumbled, avoiding Moblit’s surprised but curious eyes. “Just take care of her. And don’t tell her the cupcakes were from me.”

“Thank you,” Moblit repeated. “You’re a very good friend, Levi.”

“Whatever.” Levi turned away, feeling shy and exposed. “Go now, I have a lot of work to do.”

Moblit didn’t argue and hurried to exit the shop. As Levi stared after him, he felt something warm spread through his chest. Knowing that Hange wasn’t angry with him… it made him feel better than he had been in days.

 ***

“Leeeeeevi!” Hange burst into his shop, wearing the brightest of smiles. “Thank you so much for the cupcakes!”

“They weren’t from me.” Levi immediately protested, crossing hands on his chest.

Hange wordlessly raised her eyebrow, her eyes sparkling with amusement.

“Tch,” Levi rolled his eyes. “Your stupid boyfriend promised me to keep it a secret.”

“Well, Moblit is an awful liar,” Hange giggled. “And he is not my boyfriend, by the way.”

“He is not?”

“Nah,” Hange waved her hand. “He is my roommate and we’ve grown up together. I love him, but not like that.”

“Oh,” Levi was surprised at how relieved this news made him feel.

“Were you jealous?” Hange smirked.

“Of course, not!” Levi answered way too quickly.

Hange’s smirk grew wider.

“Shut up,” Levi answered with as much dignity as he could master. “Your sickness made you even more ridiculous than before.”

Hange burst out laughing, and Levi instantly relaxed. He missed that sound more than he thought.

“Anyway,” Levi asked, as he was pouring Hange a cup of her favorite honey lemon tea. “Are you alright now?”

“More or less,” Hange shrugged. “But Moblit and other members of my research team made me take a sick leave. So, now I’m dying of boredom.” Hange smiled gratefully when Levi passed her a cup. She looked at the counter, tapping her fingers. “Hey, Levi,” she called after some time. “When does your shift end?”

Levi looked up at a clock. “In an hour. Why do you ask?”

“Well, I’m bored,” Hange drawn out, shifting in her seat. “So maybe we could go out? Go see a movie or something.”

“You want to hang out?” Levi asked, incredulously.

“Yeah,” Hange eagerly nodded. “Do you want to or not?”

“I wanted to do my laundry tonight…” Levi began. But then he saw how Hange’s face fell and he couldn’t find in him to say no. “Fine,” he sighed. “If you help me with the cleaning, I can finish earlier.”

A wide smile appeared on Hange’s face. Levi hated how warm it made him feel.

“Thank you, Levi!” she jumped to her feet, running up to him and enveloping him in a hug. “We’re going to have so much fun!” she whispered right into his ear.

“Yeah, yeah,” Levi shoved her away from him. “Let’s get to work first.”

 ***

And surprisingly, Levi enjoyed himself at the movies. More than he had expected. Although, he couldn’t for the life of him remember the name of a movie. Or what it was about. All he remembered was Hange’s comments and the way she laughed, when something especially stupid happened on the screen.

Afterwards, Levi walked her home. Having tired out, Hange’s voice became softer. They walked side by side, as she talked about everything and anything. Levi felt strangely relaxed. The streets were empty and the city was quiet, it almost seemed like they were alone in the whole world.

And for some reason, Levi liked that feeling.

So when Hange asked him, if he wanted to hang out some other time, Levi agreed without hesitation.

Next week they went to museum, and a week after that they visited art gallery, then they went to a nearby beach, and then Hange managed to drag Levi out to an amusement park.

And soon, they were spending almost every weekend together. And then they started having movie nights, they shared dinner every Tuesday and went out for a drink every Friday. Levi met all of Hange’s friends, and, in turn, he introduced her to Erwin.

Some time passed, and Levi didn’t even notice how he and Hange started to practically live together. Five days out of seven, one of them stayed at the other’s place, too lazy and exhausted to go to their own home. Moblit didn’t even bat an eye now, when he would wake up and see Levi, sleeping on their coach. More often than not, Hange was draped over him, her head on his shoulders and his fingers in her hair.

They weren’t dating, Hange continued to say to him, and Moblit wasn’t even trying to argue with her anymore. They would get there, in their own time, he was sure.  

 ***

Levi was playing with the strands of Hange’s soft locks, mindlessly watching some stupid show on his shitty TV, when a strange thought appeared in his mind.

“Say, Hange,” he called her, muting the TV. “Are we friends?”

Hange sleepily blinked a few times, before her lips curved into a grin. “Haven’t we discussed that already? A couple of months before?”

“No, I don’t mean that,” Levi shook his head. “I mean are we just friends? Or… something more?”

“Oh,” that made Hange sit up. She ran a hand through her hair, looking at Levi with a frown on her face. “Do you want… to be something more?”

“I don’t know,” Levi shrugged. “Maybe.” He paused, carefully studying Hange’s expression. “Do you?”

Hange shrugged. “Maybe. Want to try?”

“Try… what?”

“Well, I can kiss you. Let’s see if we will like it, yeah?”

“Alright.” Levi nodded and closed his eyes. He patiently waited to feel Hange’s lips against his. He had been wondering for a long time now, if her lips felt as soft as they looked, if her smile was as sweet as it seemed.

But instead of a kiss, Levi got Hange’s boisterous laugh. He opened his eyes, looking irritated.

“Your face!” Hange pointed at him, still giggling. “Levi, there is no need to look so scared, I’m just going to kiss you!”

“Shut up, fucking four-eyes,” Levi grumbled, feeling stupid. Hange continued to laugh, and Levi felt even more embarrassed. So he grabbed her by the hair and closed the distance between their faces, pressing his lips to hers.

It was the best moment of Levi’s life - he finally managed to shut Hange up. And on top of that, kissing Hange wasn’t so bad. It actually felt good, better that Levi could ever imagine. And, to be honest, he imagined it a lot.

When they had to break apart, Levi was disappointed. He wanted to kiss Hange again, and he leaned in, meaning to do exactly that, but Hange stopped him, putting a hand to his lips.

“Wait,” she said, looking unusually shy. “Don’t you want to talk about it?”

“Talk about what?” Levi grumbled, moving away from her palm. “I like kissing you, what is there to talk about?”

“I like kissing you, too,” Hange whispered, looking down. “So that’s it? We’re a couple?”

“Well, if that means I can continue kissing you, and you won’t be kissing anyone else, then yeah, why not?”

“Really?” Hange asked rather sternly. “You like kissing me and that’s it? That’s why you want to date me?”

“Hange…” Levi sighed, shaking his head. “We spend almost every day together, we constantly hang out, we talk and joke. I like being with you and my life became so much better since I’ve met you.” Levi shrugged. “You know me, I can’t talk about love and other stupid things, but I know that you make me happy and I want to spend as much time with you as possible. I want to kiss you and hug you, listen to your endless rumblings and your stupid jokes. I like when you come to my shop and I like watching movies with you at home. I… want to be with you and I hope you feel the same.”

Hange was quiet for a long time, and when Levi finally chanced to look at her, she was looking at him with a soft, gentle smile. As soon as Levi turned to face her, Hange surged forward, wrapping her hands around him and kissing him passionately. Levi didn’t waste a moment and answered her kiss, pressing Hange even closer.

“So that’s a yes?” he asked breathlessly, when they broke apart.

“Of course, that’s a yes,” Hange chuckled, showing Levi that same soft smile. Levi’s own lips mirrored it. He hugged Hange by the shoulders, enjoying her warm and soft body against his.

“Hey, Levi?” Hange called. “If we’re together now, does that mean that I can get a discount at your shop?”

“Absolutely not.” Levi curtly replied, eliciting a joyous laugh from Hange.

[hollywood-rose]

Hannigram rant because I love them

One of the weirdest things I see anti's say is shit like "if this was a man and a woman-- or if this was in real life-- or if this ship was in a different show we'd all use it as an example of a toxic ship!!"

It's a piss poor argument. Of COURSE it would be awful if it was any of those things-- because then it wouldn't make sense. There is context to Hannibal and Will's relationship in the show that wouldn’t be there in any other scenario.

Hannibal has been fucked up since childhood. He’s literally a cannibalistic serial killer. He’s the ‘villain’ in the show, to put it plainly. He isn't meant to be sweet and wholesome. We all know that in any other context the way Hannibal treats Will would NEVER fly. So using random hypotheticals as reasons to hate it is.. strange? To me, at least. 

Hannibal can essentially see the ‘monster’ Will is deep inside. In turn, he uses his own unconventional means to try and bring it out. So yes, he manipulates the hell out of him. It’s from a mostly selfish point of view. He ultimately wants to help Will become like himself-- because he fully believes that he is (and he isn’t entirely wrong).

No Hannigram shipper will deny that Hannibal treats Will terribly most of the time (ex: lying about his mental illness, framing him for murder, and all that fun stuff) but we also know that, on top of it ALL-- Hannibal loves Will. He loves Will in his own morally skewed way. Hannibal is not normal, will never BE normal, and isn’t meant to be normal. It shouldn’t be shocking as to some of the methods he uses when it comes to Will Graham. But he does feel some type of remorse— like when he was trying to figure out the equation for time travel, presumably to undo everything he caused (this was after he rescued Will at the muskrat farm).

Hannigram isn’t some sweet white picket fence relationship. It's dark and complicated and confusing. But that's why we love it! They’re two morally grey characters that are fucked up and intense.

I also want to mention that even before Hannibal intervened that Will empathized TOO well with killers, and I honestly believe he would have turned out like Hannibal on his own accord. Would it have taken a lot longer? Probably. Would it have been as severe? Probably not. Who knows. But that desire was always buried deep inside of him-- Hannibal just helped bring it to the surface (in the worst way possible, of course). 

You can't really be the moral police on a ship and calling it problematic when... the show itself is meant to be problematic lol. Hannigram is there to show the darkest sides of two people that, overall, love each other in the most fucked up way imaginable.

Will struggles with his feelings about Hannibal throughout the show because he desires to be a normal person, but he KNOWS deep down he isn't. There are multiple references to this that I don’t feel like adding to this rant (it’s already long enough lmao). A couple examples I will add, though— In Primavera, while speaking to Not!Abigail he is actually talking to himself and admits that, ultimately, he wants to be with Hannibal. He loves Hannibal. He wished he could have run away with him like he had suggested. (there is a great post explaining this here). Additionally, in Dolce when Will admits that they’ve begun to blur-- and he’s unsure if either of them could survive separation. He knows they’re alike, even if the ‘pure’ side of him doesn’t want them to be. 

He has multiple chances to get away from Hannibal. He is smart enough to know that. I don’t think he was under some weird manipulation spell from Hannibal. He admits that he wanted to run away with him when speaking to Jack-- and he made the choice to warn him in season 2. Will isn’t stupid! He’s incredibly smart! He isn’t some child who can’t think for himself. He’s shown that so many times in the show.

At the end of the day-- (I'll say it again) Hannibal loves Will. It isn’t a conventional type of love, and he will never be able to express it in a healthy way. That’s just how he is, and how he always will be. Will is well aware of this, and knows that in many ways he is just like him. That’s why they work so well. That’s why Will loves him, too.

I feel like I kept repeating myself but I had to blow off some steam. 

Look, you don't have to ship it. Ship whatever you want. Just try to understand that there is so much more to their relationship than "uwu Hannibal abusive and evil, Will sweet and does no wrong uwu". Not to sound obnoxious but.. it’s deeper than that. So much deeper. I don’t want to sound like a Hannibal apologist, either. It’s just not all his fault the reason things turned out the way they did.

I will conclude this by saying I'm not trying to imply Will is as bad as Hannibal. He obviously isn't. He didn't really deserve everything that happened to him-- but they happened. That's all I'm trying to explain here. I’m sure Will’s life would have gone a lot smoother without Hannibal being involved. But I fully believe, again, that at some point his dark side would have come out one way or another. 

Hannigram is canon. The actors support it, the (ew) producer (even though he literally took credit when it was convenient when he denied them being canon for most of the time the show was running-- I hate bryan fuller) supports it. So.

This was super long and I’m so sorry. I have most anti’s blocked but if any of you guys happen to stumble upon this-- move along, thanks. You can hate the ship all you want. I won’t change my views, and I’m sure you won’t change yours so don’t waste my time. I’ve heard it all. Keep it to yourself. Thank you. I understand the moral reasons to dislike the ship, I just don’t think they fully apply in context of the show! 

[chyrstis]

Last WIP of the year day!

I was all set to have this for Wednesday, but as always there’s always a small delay. It’s all for the best, though, b/c that let me go ahead with posting this before the new year’s in. And let me just send out right now every single positive writing and creating vibe I can muster, b/c this past year has been the worst kind of test, and here’s hoping that we have much better things ahead.

Tagged by the very excellent set of people here! Thank you! <3: @aceghosts @unlikelynick @shallow-gravy @fadedjacket @proudspires @faithchel and @scarlettkat86

Tagging: @writerofblocks @twistedsinews @cobb-vanthss @amistrio @tommymillers @softmillers @foofygoldfish @ma-sulevin @redroci @geronimo-11 @raisinghellinotherworlds @siribear @risenlucifer @princess-underthemountain @ofravensandgenesis @sapphicvalhallas @guileandgall @painterofhorizons @baeogorath @lilwritingraven @sneaky-apostate @outranks @weekend-writer @ofravensandgenesis and @themysteriouslou, but no obligation intended at all! Especially if you’ve been tagged recently, or just want a break.

First off, if you’re guessing it’s the Trap fic, it’s totally the Trap fic. I've got roughly two chapters of this down, but really need to start digging into the later ones soon.

---

“-ty? Copy.”

Hana nearly dropped it in her rush to answer. “I’m here, Grace. Everything okay?”

“Been looking for you, and didn’t know you’d stepped out.”

“Yeah, I….” Guilt hit right at that moment, because the least she could’ve done was left some kind of message for them. “Decided to lend a hand to a group passing through, but I’m on my way back. You miss me already?”

It was hard to tell if it was static or not, but the scoff that came through put the worst grin on her face.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

“Watch the roads, and don’t slow down. It’s too quiet.”

“I hear you. Be there soon, promise. Just make sure that-”

That's when she saw the white van. The same kind that she knew the cult was using to bring people in. She’d been a few clicks behind when it emerged from a side road, turning sharply as it took a place in front of her; no thought to her or the people in the back, and felt her grip tighten on the wheel.

“Just don’t head off without me, okay?” she asked, her choice already made for her, and tossed the radio into the passenger seat.

---

I might also be back on my No Cult AU nonsense too, so here’s a little more from the entry that just keeps on growing. Seriously, I have 6.3K here and it’s not done yet, help Sharky’s at the compound to help, and runs into the mystery woman he met weeks back at John’s, and well. This conversation might be going better than hoped. :’)

---

Sharky sighed as a chuckle slipped out. “Good times.”

“Good?” That shocked a laugh out of her. “I’d love to hear your definition of an awful time.”

“Well, lot of it comes from what you get out of it. I’ve been to places that sucked. Had no beer, no tunes, and not a single lady willing to boogie in sight, but you stop and think. What do you have? What is working here?”

He stopped, pretending to mull it over, and shit, that actually earned him a giggle.

“Just sit there breaking all of that down. Putting two and two together to make five, whip up some real Boshaw Magic, and then…boom. Put that into motion. Don’t think anyone’s having an awful time after that.”

“I don’t think I’d be having an awful one either.”

Smiling up at him, Selena tilted her head. Maybe even gave him a look he could’ve chalked up to being checked out even, and nerves set in with a vengeance.

“That’s uh…that’s good. Hate to show you anything but a good one, and I think I’d uh, try pretty hard to avoid that. The whole having a bad time part, not the good time. ‘Cause you-you, uh-“. Looking over at her, his mouth went dry. “You seem nice, and deserve a whole hell of a lot of nice things too.”

“It’s sweet of you to say.”

“It’s true.” He swiped off his cap, and ran a hand through his hair. “And…not that it’d all be an awful time, but I could uh, show you a few places. Let you see which’re all right, which are better than that, and then you could…see which you wouldn’t mind-”

Another woman bounded up to them, giving Selena a hug while the rest of his response fizzled out completely.

[glitterandmoondustofficial]

Side To Side

Chapter 209: All Or Nothing:

Characters: Law, Ruby, Heart Pirates Rating: Teen Warnings: Language, a little bit of depression Notes: (•◡•)

~~~~~

Law woke up slowly. He took in a deep breath and opened his eyes. He looked to his side and his gaze softened. Ruby was curled up next to him sleeping soundly. He let out a breath and lifted his hand to brush his knuckles against her cheek but stopped himself. He didn’t want to wake her.

Not after the last few days where they were at the worst they’ve ever been and then finally talking about it. They have been quiet with each other since then. They were still loving. There were still good morning kisses, but something still wasn’t quite back to normal.

He needed to do something. Something to prove to her that he meant it when he apologized for keeping what he did from her. He swore he would make it up to her. He just wasn’t sure what he would do. He knew she didn’t want gifts. She wanted words and actions. But that took time and Law wanted to be back to normal now. He wanted her big, bright smile back. He didn’t want to see the sad look in her eyes when she thought he wasn’t looking.

Law watched her for a moment longer before getting out of bed. He got ready for the day calmly and quietly, no need to rush anymore. Now that they were speaking again there was no reason to avoid her. Law frowned. Not talking was awful. It was painful. The look in her eyes telling him that she clearly didn’t want to be around him…

He hated that.

It was the thing he tried so hard to avoid and ended up shooting himself in the foot over. He stared at himself in the mirror sadly. He really did fuck that right up.

He heard a yawn and felt arms wrap around his middle.

“Good morning, mo chuisle,” she yawned again and laid her cheek against his back.

“Morning,” he cleared his throat. “Why are you up so early?”

“You’re thinking so hard that it woke me up.” She kissed his back.

“Sorry, babe.”

“Mmm it’s fine.” She kissed his back again. “More time to spend bugging you.”

“Oh, is that what you’re going to do?”

“Mmhmm.” She let him go and walked to the counter. She hopped up onto it, sitting on it. She gave him a sleepy smile with her eyes closed. She looked cute.

He leaned in and kissed her lips slowly. He pulled away and watched her blink open her eyes. She stared at him for a moment before smiling softly. She opened her arms, an obvious invitation. One that he wouldn’t deny.

He leaned into her arms and wrapped his arms around her. Ruby grinned and kissed him. Her fingers went into his hair and scratched gently at his scalp. He sighed contentedly. He pulled away after a few moments and stared at her.

“I love you,” he said. He’s been saying that far more over the past couple of days since their spat.

Ruby giggled. “Love you, too, hon.” She ran her fingers over his chest. “What are your plans today?”

“Wandering,” he replied. “Not sure what I’ll find on this island, though.”

“Maybe some coins?” She suggested. “Well, I know you wander to clear your pretty little head.” She kissed him again.

“What will you be doing?”

Ruby shrugged. “Dunno. Get some food, I suppose. No real big plans.”

“You don’t want to shop?”

“Not really.” Law frowned at her. “Don’t frown at me.”

“You’re not wanting to spoil yourself, it’s concerning.”

“Maybe I just want a day to relax and do nothing.” She shrugged. “No need to worry about me.” She gave him a smile that said she was fine.

Still…

“Are you wanting to be alone today?” He questioned

Ruby’s smile faded slightly. She hesitated. She looked at her hands and then to his face. “I think so. Yeah. I’m exhausted. Mentally and emotionally. I need a day where I don’t have to think.” She sighed.

“Looks like we’re both needing to clear our heads.”

“Looks like it.”

They stared at each other for a moment. Law lifted his hand slowly. He reached for her cheek and cupped it. Ruby leaned into his hand. He rubbed her cheek with his thumb and sighed.

“Okay,” he said. “I love you,” he told her seriously.

Ruby blinked. “I love you, too.” She took his hand away from her face and held it firmly in her hand. She smiled at him softly before leaning in and kissing him. “Let’s finish getting ready for the day.”

He nodded. “Yeah.”

Law spent the rest of the early morning getting ready and eating breakfast quietly. He watched Ruby when he could. He could tell she wasn’t exaggerating when she said she was tired. She just didn’t look completely like herself. He wanted to change that. He would change that. He would make sure of it.

He blinked when someone sat in front of him. It was Erina. Law shifted uncomfortably. She knew everything that had happened between him and Ruby. Law looked down at his mostly eaten food and then back up to her.

“Yes?” She asked him with a curious gaze.

“Nothing,” he said as casually as he could. “You’re up early.”

“Not particularly. Most of the time I relax in bed until it feels like an appropriate time to wake up. Something just told me to get up and get coffee today.”

“Ah.” He shifted.

Erina looked him over. “Are you needing to talk? You look anxious.”

“I’m always anxious.”

“More than usual.”

He shrugged. “I probably don’t need to. I’m sure Ruby told you everything.”

“You know I can’t tell you that.” Law rolled his eyes. “Well, you know where to find me if you do want to talk.”

Law nodded and went back to finishing his meal.

After some minutes everyone started to file in. Ruby emerged from the kitchen and immediately went to Ikkaku with a grin. Ikkaku yawned and hugged her. Law sighed through his nose quietly. He stood up and took his plate to the kitchen, placing it in the sink.

The loud chatting from the cafeteria grew and it made him smile. His crew was happy. That made his morning better. Knowing that his crew was happy to be here with him. That made him keep going through all the pain and depression. He walked out of the kitchen and started to walk out of the cafeteria.

“Eh? Captain isn’t going to eat with us?” Someone whined.

Various complaints and whines were heard and he didn’t let them see the smile on his face.

“I have things to do today,” Law said. “You all can survive without me for one morning.”

“Boooooo!” They all booed him as he walked out of the cafeteria.

Law walked down the hallway and to the deck. He breathed in the fresh air and stared at the island. It seemed decent. Standard port town. Fish stands and boats. The usual.

“Cap!” Shachi called him.

Law turned to him with a raised brow. “What?”

“Are you okay?”

“Why?”

“Because you and Ruby have been acting weird lately.”

Law sighed. “I’m fine.”

“That’s what Ruby said…”

“So why did you come to me?”

“Because I know you better than that.”

Law made a face. “Whatever. Don’t worry about it. I’m fine.”

Shachi did not believe him. “Listen if you two break up it would be really sad.”

Law balked at him. “What the hell are you talking about? We’re not breaking up. We’re fine.” He didn’t realize that their recent upset was so obvious. And they were…kind of fine. They weren’t breaking up, that’s for sure. He knew Ruby better than that. He knew himself better than that.

“If you say so.” Shachi eyed him. “Just work it out. You two love each other too much to not be together.”

Law felt his frustration rise but stowed it. “We’re fine,” he repeated. “We’re not breaking up.” Just because they had a bad few days doesn’t mean shit. He thought to himself. He sighed. He can’t get too frustrated. Shachi was just concerned for him. “Thanks for worrying about me.”

Shachi grinned and patted Law’s back. “You’re welcome. I’ll let you wander.”

“Thanks.”

~~~~~~

Law adjusted his multiple shopping bags as he walked down the hall to his room. He may have gotten too much. Not “may,” definitely too much. No wonder Ruby was such a spoiled brat. It really was his own damn fault.

“Hey,” Ruby said as Law walked into their bedroom. She was undressing for the day in the middle of their room next to the table. “You went shopping today? I thought you were just wandering.”

He watched her undress for a moment, like he somehow didn’t see this everyday. “Yeah,” he said. He walked over to the table and placed the bags on it. “They’re for you.”

Ruby stopped taking off her jeans. She looked over to him, a slight frown on her face. “I don’t want gifts. I-”

“I know,” he interrupted her. “You want more than gifts.”

“Yes.”

Law sighed. “I needed to do this for me.”

“Buying me gifts is for you?” She questioned before continuing to take off her clothes.

“It…” he sighed. “Yes.”

“Alright.” She wasn’t buying it. Not that he blamed her.

“Will you humor me?”

“I’m not going to turn down you buying things for me, I’m just not accepting it as your way of making everything up to me.” She looked at him with a raised brow.

Law sighed. “I’ve been thinking.”

“About?”

“Everything, mostly us.”

“Uh-huh. And?”

He thought about what to say. How to say it. He wasn’t sure why he was so tongue tied at the moment. He took a deep breath. “You know,” he started. “We’ve never been a perfect couple. We’ve argued and we have our issues.”

“And?”

“But I see a future with you. I love you. I love being around you. We've never been perfect, but we’re not bad together. Knowing that I caused distance between us is…hard.” Ruby stayed silent, listening to him with her full attention. Law swallowed and stared at her anxiously. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I know but-”

“But I did. I lied to you,” he interrupted her. “I didn’t do it to hurt you, but I ended up doing so. I’m selfish,” he said. “I’m selfish and I want to be with you. I can’t stand the thought of you being with someone else. So, I was selfish and started this relationship with you even though I didn’t think I’d survive. And then I didn’t tell you, I let you believe that I fully intended to live after Doflamingo. You deserve better than that. You deserve as much honesty and openness as you give me.” He sighed. “You’ve done nothing but improve yourself since joining my crew. You’ve become such a different woman that I can barely recognize you in your old photos. I’m so proud of you, Rube. I definitely don’t deserve you, not when I haven’t changed at all since we started dating.”

Ruby shifted her weight. She frowned sadly. He knew that frown. The one where her heart squeezed in pain. He felt nostalgic for a moment, remembering the feel of her heart in his chest. He watched her reach out to him and cup his cheek.

“Law,” she said softly. “Don’t say you don’t deserve me. I hate that kinda talk. It’s not true. Don’t say things like that. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

“Ruby, it’s okay. I need to be self aware. We need to be honest with each other.” Ruby swallowed. “That’s what I’m doing. I’m being honest with you and myself.” He sighed. “I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. But you need more than words like that. You need me to prove that to you. I promise I will. I will work on it. I…” he trailed off. “I will do better.” He let out a breath. “I need your support.” He frowned sadly. “If you’re still willing to give it to me.”

Ruby blinked, surprised. “Of course, I’m going to support you, dumbass.” Law stared at her with his eyebrows raised in surprise at her rough tone. “You fucked up and you hurt me. Yeah, it sucks, but I love you and want to be with you. I want to move past this. We’re going to work on it together, because we’re partners.” She sighed. “I should smack you for even considering that I wouldn’t support you.”

Law pulled her to him and embraced her. He held her tightly. Ruby rubbed his back gently. Words couldn’t describe how much he loved her at that moment, so he just held her. They clung to each other for long moments, just breathing each other in.

“I love you.” He pulled away. “You, the crew...you’re what I’m living for. That’s how it should’ve always been…”

Ruby nodded at him. “Alright, what all did you buy me?” She said with a chuckle.

“The usual. Socks, nail polish, soaps, candles…” he trailed off nervously.

Ruby raised a brow. “What’s got you nervous?”

“I also got you…something else.”

“Oh?” She cocked her head curiously. “What?” Law cleared his throat. He reached into the bag made out of shitty, cheap plastic. He palmed the small item in his hand. “Something from a pawn shop? Are you giving me a coin?”

“No.”

“Then?” He opened his palm, revealing a small box. Ruby’s eyes widened “Whoa…uh…”

“It’s not what you think.”

“Then please explain why I’m looking at a ring box.”

Law found his way to a pawn shop. He figured that he might as well look at some coins while he was out. He looked around the cluttered shop, not finding anything particularly interesting.

He made his way to the glass cabinet at the front, where the shopkeeper was. There were random items. Pocket watches, an antique handgun, fancy looking pens, some brooches, nothing terribly eye-catching. No coins that he didn’t already have, of course.

He walked down the cabinet and stopped short. He stared at a small ring. It was gold with engraved flowers in the band. It was simple, not extravagant at all. He looked at the shopkeeper and then back down to the ring. It wasn’t priced, meaning it had to be expensive.

“How much for the ring?” He asked.

The shopkeeper looked up. “The flower ring?” Law nodded. The shopkeeper scratched his chin. “50 berries.”

Law balked. “Why so cheap? Is it not real gold?”

“No, it’s real,” the shopkeeper said. “But no one wants it. It belonged to some old woman who died wearing it. It was left to her daughter or niece or whatever, but they didn’t want it so they pawned it here. It’s been in the shop for, oh, I’d say about five years.”

“I’ll take it.”

“What?”

“I’ll take it.” Law pulled out his wallet and pulled out 50 berries.

“It’s not a wedding ring. I’m not asking you to marry me.”

“Then…?”

He sighed awkwardly. “It’s my promise to do better.” Ruby stared at him and opened her mouth. She closed her mouth. “You don’t want gifts. You want words and actions. I will do all that. I will do whatever it takes to prove to you that I will do better. I…” he closed his hand around the ring box. “I know promise rings are stupid…”

“No,” she spoke up. “This…this is actually very sweet of you.” She reached to his closed hand and opened it. She opened the box. “It’s beautiful.” She pulled the ring out and examined it. She slipped it on her right hand. “It fits, too.”

“Good.” He let out a breath. “You never know with pawn shops.”

“Well, even if it didn’t fit on my finger I have chains that would work.” She looked at her finger. She wiggled her finger and smiled gently. “Thank you. How expensive was it?”

“I’m not telling you how much I spent on a gift for you.”

“Hmmm, okay, I guess. It’s so pretty, you must’ve gotten there as soon as it was put up.”

“Err, no. It was in the shop for five years.”

“Five? Did someone die with it on?”

“Yeah.”

“Ah. Well, whatever. I don’t care.” She took his hand and squeezed it. She was smiling at him. A real, genuine smile. “I’m not happy because you bought me jewelry. I really appreciate what you’re trying to say with it.”

“I’m glad you realized what I’m trying to say because I don’t know how to say it without sounding stupid.”

Ruby grinned. Her cute grin where her dimples showed. He needed to kiss her. He pulled her towards him and placed a chaste kiss on her lips. He pulled away and planted a kiss on her forehead.

“It’s pretty obvious what you’re trying to say,” Ruby said. She took his hands in hers. “I love you, mo chuisle.”

“I love you, too.” He closed his eyes. “Thanks,” he murmured.

“For?”

“Not giving up on me.”

“You’re too pretty.”

She grinned at him happily. He let out a breath and gave her a small smile. They leaned in and kissed each other. He pulled away and kissed her nose and then her forehead. Ruby giggled and hugged him.

Law’s heart relaxed in his chest. He felt his smile grow. His heart no longer ached. His head was no longer foggy. They worked it out and were getting back to normal. He held onto Ruby tightly. He had missed their carefree embrace.

“I love you,” he told her.

“I love you, too.”