#this semester requires actual effort. things are going bad

[quitedisastrous]

i just want to draw but the fucking. fear won't let me

[werewolfoffeverswamp]

tbh i dont know if i’ve ever made a single piece of art i actually like in an academic setting. they’re always haphazardly done last minute and the subject matter is always so. hm. it’s a little boring. the only times i think i’ve come close to making something i was proud of in school is when i was pushed to my mental breaking point and i just started fucking doing whatever i wanted. so today i’m rating them

in my sophomore year i was in sculpture class and had to make a smooth plaster sculpture. the amount of manual labor required to sand down a sculpture that had to be at least 3 feet in some direction is not something i wanted to deal with. as you can see my sculpture is not smooth. the design i was happy with— the sculpture itself i was not.

it was titled “Mistakes” or something along those lines. my classmates stood up for me in critique when my professor said it was lazy and unfinished. not one of my peers said a bad thing about it. we smashed the sculptures apart behind the building when critique was over. i still want to cry when i think about it, it was an extremely special experience for me.

10/10 i actually wish i still had it and i have been meaning to make a tiny version out of clay. such a special piece to me, very formative

this piece was made at the end of my college career when i first started testosterone. i wanted to make some sort of tribute to it for my final piece— i’m of an extremely divided mind when i think about it. there are parts that look clunky and not developed properly… thrown together, as i believe my professor Jason said. i am, however, happy with certain technical aspects of the piece! the formation and shading of the hand and the syringe is something i really like, and did a lot of layering to achieve. i used a paper cutout to make the repeated syringes on the bottom left, another new technique i tried and was happy with the results of.

the text WAS thrown on last minute in an effort to spice up the piece but it’s a reference to the song Crosseyed and Painless by Talking Heads. it’s a song i’ve always identified with in a gender way, with the first few lines being “Lost my shape, trying to act casual./Can’t stop, I might end up in the hospital.” i felt on the verge of collapse constantly in the early days of my transition. it was like i had lost my shape and was destined to end up hurt in some way. i wish the text was more well thought out, it could have been done in a more uniform way and i think it would have looked a little better.

the wasp head is also a reference to an old oc of mine, who was a man with a wasp head named Gene. i wish i would have used different colors, the black and yellow i used should have been warmer. mars black instead of ivory. whatever again it’s technical stuff.

6.5/10 i could technically go back and fix this one bc i still have it, but i have better things to do rn.

the hand dino came into the world in a fiery manner. for the final project we had to make a piece with the dimensions of minimum like 4ft by 4ft, and by this point i was burnt out and the most exhausted with art i’d ever been (besides maybe sophomore year ig 🤔) and i told my professor i couldn’t do a project that big. he made the mistake of telling me to do what i could manage, which ended up being a roughly 12in by 12in piece of oil painting paper.

in many ways i like the concept of this piece. the idea of it. it’s fun! it’s combining realistic elements with cartoonish ones in a way i enjoy.

however. looking back, i genuinely think it would have been a cooler concept on a bigger scale 😭 which is so frustrating.

7.5/10 i wish i’d had it in me to do it better.

and how could we forget dear body horror babe? made in my first semester of sophomore year and done with ink and charcoal and conte crayons, it was an assignment one of my more eccentric teachers wanted us to do where we randomly splattered ink on a paper using ink-covered coins and tried to come up with a drawing just from the happenstance of where the ink coins landed.

i chose a more abstract route and basically turned every ink splat into an eye and tried to come up with somewhat distorted body imagery to evenly fill all the space on the paper. you can find a lot of stuff going on in this piece.

11/10 but also not done at my lowest point, just during the steady decline.

ok can i be frank for a second. i fucking hate this piece. so what you’re seeing is an 8ft by 4ft thin block of particle board, carved by hand in low relief to ink and print on old bedsheets.

my professor for this relief class was strict about the theme of the class, which was political art. she insisted we make art relating to a political topic and our beliefs on it. and this isn’t to say political art is bad in any way, but it’s truly not something i want to FOCUS on creating necessarily. the fact that it was MANDATORY is the issue here. one of my classmates refused to make purposely political art and instead chose to make a beautiful piece of the sun and moon as lovers. i wish i had just done the same and refused to make strictly political art. if i’m honest i just wanted to make an epic wood carving scene of a dark and eerie night outside draculas castle. instead, as you can see, i chose (somewhat arbitrarily in an effort to make the project into something i could enjoy carving) environmentalism.

technically i don’t mind this piece. the composition is fine and the detail in some areas i’m very proud of. other areas not as much. my teacher also forced me to do what i think is over-carve some areas to fill the piece with texture. i do not like it and i wish i had kept some areas fully un-carved, even if it didnt print right. i don’t care.

also what’s worse about the whole experience of this piece is that it was part of an event called Blocktoberfest and my school partnered with a local state college to make and print these huge blocks on their campus. the reason this is bad is bc the state college students did whatever the hell they wanted for their designs and we saw some really cool subject matters, from aliens to occult symbolism. and their school’s art department had a couch in it and ours didn’t. :/

also blocktoberfest was an insane amount of physical work bc rolling those big ass rollers in ink and then a giant block and then ink and then the block and ink and block was a lot of effort. i was sore after it. and it lowkey felt like me and my classmates were doing all the work and like maybe 5 people from the other school were helping. whatever. whatever anyways

1/10 genuinely pisses me off to look at. wish i would have just done draculas castle

^i also think it’s worth mentioning about this professor: no one really liked her. she made it very clear that she thought there was a right and wrong way to create art. and she fully believed she was right about everything bc she was old and wise. and she was also gay so maybe she had some credit. but her art to me always felt a little uppity and she was also really rich. she let us visit her studio and we did our final critique there of a piece i made that i absolutely hated everything about. i dont even have a picture of it bc it pissed me off so bad. she also was lowkey racist towards a few of my classmates so i really don’t like her.

anyways that’s all the pieces i want to review currently. let me know what you guys think about em if you want. i hereby ask for you to critique my art.

the difference between making art for a deadline vs making art purely bc you enjoy the process and outcome is so crazy. it actually makes me sick with sadness. i don’t have the resources to create freely yet. anyways art under the constraint of academia is so frustrating for me specifically. like whatever. whatever

[saintshigaraki]

If it isn't too much to ask can you give me some study tips queen 🙏🏽 like how to stay focus when the topic is boring af?

i fear my advice isnt super general bc a lot of it comes down to like. personal motivation. i am for better or for worse (and its often for worse) extremely grade motivated. i plan to apply to pharmacy school post undergrad and that often (though not always. and they of course look at other things such as research hours) requires pretty good grades and that is where a bulk of my personal motivation stems from. i also am extremely lucky and privileged in the sense that i only have to work while in school around 10 hours a week, which of course leaves me with a lot of extra time outside of classes to study and rest.

with that all said ! some study tips that i abide by religiously are --

review actual material given in class which may include: slides, worksheets, practice exams, STUDY GUIDES!!!, practice problems etc. and do the worksheets and practice problems more than once. preferably over and over and over and over again. my advice is to redo all the worksheets and practice problems AT LEAST twice. but if you can more. and start all of this AT LEAST a week before the exam but really preferably earlier

as I've said here before: GO TO OFFICE HOURS!!!! if there is a study guide given, go to office hours with the study guide in hand and go through all the points you're even a little unsure about, but really if you can, go through every single point with your prof if realistic and/or possible.

if you are not given a study guide, still go to office hours and depending on the prof. feel free to be a bit of a nuisance and ask questions like 'what material should i be focusing on while studying?' 'will *insert something* be on the exam?' just questions along that nature. essentially just be as pushy with the prof. as possible lol

3. STUDY GROUPS!!!!!!!!!!! oh my gosh study groups are so so so so important and can be an amazing tool. not only because there will most likely be people in your group that understand something you dont and can help you but because you might understand something they dont and you can explain it to them which is in itself an amazing and powerful study tool. that and also study groups make it so you've committed yourself to studying at a specific time and have other people relying on you to show up and put in effort

the above points are how i study before every exam! it works for me and it might work for you, but you'll probably find that there are other things that work for you as well! it took me all of freshmen year to figure out a study schedule that worked for me and got me the results i wanted. do NOT ! be discouraged because of a bad exam, or a bad month, or even a bad semester. these things absolutely do not define you and as people say, the world won't end if you get a less than stellar grade in chemistry lol

i do hope that this was somewhat helpful and im wishing us all nothing but the best for this upcoming year <3

[ureyesonly]

(⸝⸝ᴗ﹏ᴗ⸝⸝) ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁.ᐟ  –>  

٩(ˊ〇ˋ*) .ᐟ.ᐟ.ᐟ.ᐟ

Getting Back On My Grind After Weeks of Rotting: Pressing play on paused habits.

The holidays were not good to me. JK, they were great– I got to see my dad for xmas, eat good food, and come home to vegas to party for new years. But…… I’ve been rotting ever since. 

It felt so good at first. I was finished with the fall semester, didn’t have to commute to school every week via AIRPLANE, and could finally relax at home and enjoy not being on the go for a few weeks until the spring semester starts up. 

I’ve been on my weight loss journey since October of 2024, and have since lost 10 lbs with consistent exercise and mindful eating (fun fact: S & I share the same personal trainer). But, of course, the holidays came and I said to myself “I’m just going to enjoy this time and not worry about working out or logging my food intake”. Luckily I didn’t gain any weight from eating like an absolute maniac for like 3 weeks straight, but now its time to pick up my habits and get back on the grind so I can continue my goal of losing 30 lbs before my birthday in July (44 if I really don't slack, but I have to be realistic here…. I’m gonna slack at some point….)

‎‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎‎‎‎ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁ᝰ.ᐟ⩇⩇:⩇⩇જ⁀➴

Doing my scheduled workouts 6 times a week ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ

For my personally tailored fitness plan, I have 6 workouts a week. Sounds like a lot but its not bad. The first three days are just a quick 20-30 minute at-home bodyweight workout that doesn't require any equipment + a 40 minute walk outside or on the treadmill. Pretty low effort and easy to do. The following three days are gym days with strength training and no cardio (minus one day, only 20 minutes on the elliptical, super easy). 

I get soooo lazy to do my workouts, specifically the at-home ones for some reason. I kind of hate those. But, I try to do them nonetheless. It's been two days since my first day back on the grind, and it has honestly felt really good to put good food in my body and get some movement. Plus, reminding myself that the results I want are just around the corner and all I need to do is keep going gets me really excited to finally meet my goals.

Fixing my HORRID sleep schedule ദ്ദി ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ )

Ever since I was younger, and especially in recent years, I have been so awful at sleeping like a normal person. I go to sleep anywhere between 4 am and 9 am. Yeah, not fun and cool. Waking up with only an hour to enjoy daylight makes me feel terrible and in turn makes me unproductive because in my head, productivity is meant for the day time. I can't be productive if I'm not awake during the day LOL. I’ve created a goal to sleep no later than 1:30 AM and wake up no later than 9:30-10 AM. I’ve been trying to fix this habit for years, but i’ve never had the drive to do so. Now that I've shown myself that it is possible for me to actually stick to something (fitness journey), I have more hope and determination and discipline to finally conquer this horrible habit. 

Keeping a habit tracker ＿〆(。。)

I recently filled out a habit tracker my dad got me months ago that I never used. I have realistic things I can do and enjoy doing– like getting ready for the day, journaling, tidying up my house before winding down for the night, etc. Like I said, i’m finally building up self discipline– having a physical list to check off and visually keep track of my habits is a good thing for me. 

Not letting a slip turn into a slide ( ˘͈ ᵕ ˘͈♡)

Almost 2 years ago, I read Jennette McCurdy’s book “I'm Glad My Mom Died”. In the book she speaks on getting over her bulimia, and the role model in her life told her “don't let a slip turn into a slide”. This really stuck with me, and I remind myself of it often when I catch myself slipping up. It means that a mistake doesn't have to snowball if you don't want it to. For example, if i accidentally ripped the corner of an important paper, I wouldn't saying "screw it" and rip the whole thing to shreds.

I slipped up a few times since my fitness journey started in October, but all I had to do was accept that what was done was done, and tomorrow is a new day that I can get back on track. Even when I didn’t workout for two weeks straight (which could be considered a slide to some, but not to me), I thought to myself “just because I slipped up for two weeks doesn't mean I should give up forever”. In the years prior, I would have given up. It was all or nothing to me back then. Now, I’ve learned that something, even the tiniest of things, is better than nothing. 

I realized being mean to myself and using tough love just doesn’t work at all: I work better when I have positive, encouraging thoughts and gentle reminders that I'm not perfect and I never will be. Progress takes time and beating myself up is counterproductive. 

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

Like ★star, I don’t quite believe in new year's resolutions. I used to, but there was so much pressure to fix every bad habit I’ve ever had on the first of each year, and it never ever worked. To me, new year’s resolutions are just an extension of the all or nothing mentality: most people think “well, I fell out of my good new year’s habits, better luck next year”– completely forgetting the fact that they still have quite literally 10 whole months to keep trying. I’m so excited to get back on track and continue my journey, and I’m even more excited to become the person I always wanted to be.

ﾒ𝟶ﾒ𝟶,

Xx.malice.xX

[aimlessglee]

Okay, but schools do teach all those things. Yes, there have been national efforts to deprioitize these classes, but they're not gone. High schools in my area offer elective car mechanic classes, wood shop, animal husbandry, sewing, cooking (these are kind of a joke and they don't learn how to make anything actually good but at least they get some skills), and personal finance, which is actually required. Personal finance is usually bad because it's Dave Ramsey methods relayed by coaches who don't care, but some of the others are good classes with curriculum that will teach you things. However, the former gifted kids of tumblr are too busy taking advanced classes for college credit or trying to get a half day to fit any of those classes in to their schedules. The vocational type classes are often in a separate building that can house the specialized equipment you need to build a shelf or fix a car and honors type teens don't want to go out there because it feels segregated. A lot of VoTech teachers have zero teacher training - they're professionals who retired from their careers and still wanted to make money, so they come work in the school and they treat the students like little employees, which doesn't work for every kid (and at least around here, they're usually old white men in an area with a large Latinx population, so there is both intercultural stuff and the usual honors kid vs blue collar VoTech kid stuff).

Even the good teachers of these subjects are underpaid or underfunded, so the skills they're teaching can't advance past a certain point. The cooking class maybe makes cookies or pigs in a blanket. There's no money for vegetables. The sewing class makes a pillow or an apron. They teach a kid to sew on a button, but there's not time or resources to teach kids to sew clothes that would fit their own bodies.

I will lay not being able to do their taxes squarely at the feet of coaches who don't care, but the kids who are working mostly don't make enough to file. The kids who have money have people for that. And if you took the semester class in the fall, you won't remember in the spring - learning takes practice.

If you want to blame ~capitalism~ for this, blame the goddamn school boards, which are usually made up of rich/white people because who else has the time? And definitely blame the US government, which has been pushing the "schools aren't worthwhile" line since Thomas Jefferson (although he at least cared a little). Also blame the failure to raise the minimum wage - families who are working constantly to try to make ends meet don't have time to teach these skills at home, especially not to teens whose entire lives are filled with sports and activities (in case they get a scholarship) or their own shitty jobs (to try to support their families).

Schools are trying to offer opportunities for students to learn real-life skills. But schools are not getting money from Hello Fresh or H&R Block, and these aren't the skills that are measured by meaningless standardized tests that determine a school's future funding, so they are forced to prioritize math and science and English if they don't want to be taken over by the state. If state departments of ed are getting sponsored to water down curriculum, it definitely doesn't trickle down. Teachers are doing their best with limited time and resources and students who are often absent, distracted by social media or their own very real problems, or who don't prioritize the learning past the grades because there is so much else going on in their lives.

If you want these classes to be required again, a better strategy than posting on tumblr dot com would be to write to your school boards and your state department of ed and your Congressional reps and pressure them to make these credits required. In my state, students are only required to have one "career/technical" credit. Tell them it's necessary to their 21st century skills or whatever. If you have these skills, volunteer to teach a free class at a community center or local library. If you don't have the energy for that, find another way to share your knowledge. These technical skills build community. Don't give up on recreating that.

[kultivovanaperla]

Really have gotten to a point in life where I find depression so pointless & dumb & I want to do my best to care for myself so I can succumb to it as little as possible & worry about other things I think are more important. And honestly maybe being intensely sick for the better part of week & not eating much & certainly not able to work out at all & then not having time to go back to those things bc I have to finish the semester had more of an effect than I considered. Bc school really does not feel real & I’m still considering if this is a good path for me & I have absolutely negative motivation to do this last thing in the way even though at this point it requires so little effort to finish. I have to do that, work tonight thru Saturday & also go to a family Christmas tomorrow & then on Sunday I can work out again. I think Holding Space for exercise in general will actually help me but I also definitely have a problem viewing it as a magical depression erasure drug which isn’t true or helpful. I really just have to do this last thing but this lack of motivation…actually just feels like absolutely nothing, I don’t even feel bad about it.

[totallynotadarlansassasin]

well the wellbutrin gave me depression but I came out enlightened because of it!

this drawing means much more than a project to me now.

so for some reason an art class I'm taking said that we had to write ten adjectives, then draw lines depicting those adjectives. The word I chose to draw was "scattered"

I, a non artist, who does not draw nor exhibit any sort of artistic talent or hand eye coordination required to pass an art class Decided to do one of the hardest patterns ever (not actually!).

You can see why that was a bad idea.

BUT I thought it would look cool when I finished so i just went with it.

until i couldnt?

and I snapped.

I was never the best student. I was barely even average. I was struggling to get by. Every semester, every assignment, every day.

If it wasnt math it was science. If it wasnt science it was history. If it wasnt history in was english. You get the gist.

Every school year wore longer. And it wore me down.

People kept telling me that thats just what it feels like.

That school is supposed to be hard.

And I told myself that too.

I put aside all of my anger and frustration and my mental health to achieve the goals my parents had for me.

Every year I'd fight to maintain my GPA. Id fight to comprehend the assignments. To remember every due date. To join every club.

It got me nowhere. I gained nothing from it. I made friends! I felt incompetent. It felt never ending.

As long as i can remember i'd work twice as hard and get half the results. so i was always echausted.

Feeling like youre going insane for a mediocre result.

Teachers would scoff at my work sometimes. " you cant turn this in"

You have to make an effort.

You have to 'try'

none of them know what trying actually feels like.

I got a 2 year degree

Went back to start a four year.

Taking all art classes this semester. I thought that I'd get a break. That i'd finally do something I enjoy. I was wrong.

I was insecure about everything I drew. Every time I put my pencil to the page, something was wrong. The line was crooked. The angle was off. The shape was wrong.

"I hate everything. Everything I draw is stupid and wrong and I hate my life-"

"are you ok?"

I didnt even realize I was rambling out loud.

"its fine"

I filled out my transfer application

realized i took the wrong class.

broke down.

went to finish my work.

realize that i took the wrong class and that the other class was RIGHT!

broke down a gain.

A lady prayed for me in the middle of a starbucks

The idea of going back to college filled me with so much dread.

Thats when I realized I just shouldn't go.

So im not.

Its a tough decision.

At 23 Im ditching the only thing Ive ever known. School. But I know that I dont have another semester in me. I know that if I went, i wouldnt glean anything from it. And when I think about where I will be in a year from now, I genuinely dont believe I'll be back in college. And it fills me with joy. It brings tears to my eyes.

[quibbs126]

I feel like I’m gonna fail out of this last chance to pass Physics, Calculus and Engineering this semester, meaning I’ll be kicked out of the College of Engineering

I don’t know what I’ll do if that happens, because I’ve been too lazy to look for alternatives

But honestly the worst part will be what my parents say when they find that out. I’ve been going to college for two years and I fail out of the place I got to by automatic admission. And I’ll have basically wasted everyone’s time and money by doing so. Not to mention that I’m retaking the same classes again when I said prior to them that I passed, which is true but I need to get better grades to go to the next classes, which is required

I constantly berate myself on here for my actions, but I don’t actually like it when someone tells me off for my bad behavior, despite me deserving it. That’s part of the reason I don’t tell my parents things, because I’m afraid of them being mad at me. Because they don’t have the niceness of you people on the internet who always say nice things. They know full well that I’m just lazy and will call me out for being like this and not trying to change

On one hand I appreciate their honesty and that they’ll actually go against me, but I don’t like it when they’re mad at me. But they will be, and I don’t know how to handle it

I’be gone off track. But the point is, I feel like I’m gonna fail this semester and my final chance in Engineering. I don’t really even know if I want to be in Engineering, but I don’t want to be kicked out

But it’s my own fault for things getting to this point, because I won’t put effort in to actually change things or get help. Because I’m too stupid and lazy

[gabbagepatch]

Gonna try to act like I'm normal for a sec and talk about my experience getting accommodations for my hearing loss this semester.

I've had severe tinnitus since January after a mild COVID infection. The accompanying symptoms are unilateral hearing loss, episodes of intense vertigo, degradation of my balance, and of course constant tinnitus. This illness is a bit of a chicken or the egg scenario, and these symptoms can vary heavily day-to-day.

As someone who used a wheelchair and cane for approximately two years from 2016-2018 I was already familiar to the rigmarole of getting accommodations from an educational institution. I've also had experience with chronic pain so I was more prepared than some others for a sudden illness that impacts my daily life.

Once I realized that the first-line treatment wasn't successful I got to work immediately with my college's disability office. I am not the bitch who's gonna wait to get the stuff I need. I care too much about my education to suffer needlessly when I know this illness isn't going away for a while.

I cannot stress this enough! Do not wait for it to get worse, you do not need to deny yourself accommodations because it isn't "as bad as it could be" yet! Worst case scenario is that you get accommodations and didn't need them as long as you thought.

I visited the website and was very disappointed that the resources were confusing and limited. It seemed to me that there was an unstated assumption that the person needing the forms was a new student, so the things I needed were buried in new student paperwork that didn't apply to me. It also was not easy to find their policies on applications submitted outside of enrollment, and I was applying mid-semester. I called the line for the disability office, but the number was either outdated or they were closed at 1pm on a Wednesday. I was very frustrated initially. This might just be me but I'm of the opinion that important resources like this should be easy to find regardless of circumstance and that the people you need to reach for questions should be available during normal hours, but whatevs.

I ended up emailing the head of the disability office informing her of a lack of phone response, a small blurb about my situation, and the questions I was looking for answers to. Despite my issues with the website she called me within the hour of my email. If this lovely woman could call me immediately after I sent an email why couldn't I reach someone over the phone? I thought that was weird, but she was super helpful nonetheless so I can't be too annoyed. She explained the process and it was actually pretty simple, but you'd never know it from their webpage.

For me, my college required my primary care provider to fill out a short form, one page front and back. It had simple questions about what abilities were affected and how severely; plus a simple consent portion authorizing my school to receive that medical information. I recommend filling this out before the appointment with your provider, because it saves time. I filled out the legal portion but didn't do the assessment ahead of time. It worked out because during this appointment my hearing turned out to be worse than I thought, so hearing impairment was rated "severe" and not "moderate" as I had assumed. Afterwards it was easy to scan and email to the disability office. My school's email system is secure so I was not worried about sending such things over email, but use your best judgement.

I had thoughts that I was "jumping the gun" a little, but was able to push that aside. It's basically impossible to avoid self-doubt as someone with a disability or illness. The world is full of inspiration porn and there will always be people who judge you for not trying hard enough. The idea that accommodations should be a last resort after tireless effort to "overcome" your disability is total bullshit, but you didn't need me to tell you that.

There was also a small worry that it would be read as manipulative or arrogant to request accommodations so soon after my illness began. I also had to push this aside. Many abled people expect accommodations to be requested meekly, and look down on those who are confident in their own limitations. Often being too sure of yourself and your needs is taken as a sign you're taking advantage of the institution. Once again, total bullshit. You don't owe anyone a performance of shame and apprehension.

Back to the process. Once she received the paperwork everything was basically out of my hands. My professors were notified of the accommodations I requested and I was able to begin implementing them smoothly during class. Of course my accommodations are not as involved as others may be. I requested to record my lectures and sit in areas best suited to my hearing, these are generally very easy for professors to accommodate. My balance issues are another matter, but I'm not in classes that require lifting or bending so it hasn't come up.

I have to say my experience with college if much better than public school so far. I think it's a lot easier for k-12 to get away with shitty behavior than college professors, but that's just my personal experience. I got a lot of grief for my past disability in school than now. The day before I was pulled out of public school the school nurse told me she "didn't have time for this" when I nearly passed out! I think the semi-professional setting/attitude of college encourages a more "HR friendly" response to stuff like this, but I've heard enough horror stories to know that no institution is immune to ableism.

Overall I'm pretty happy with my experience so far, and I feel like my college is doing a pretty good job in my case. I'm just happy that my education doesn't seem like it's going to be another stressor. I've got enough on my plate dealing with appointments, PT, and tests so I really appreciate that my college was responsive and understanding.

[that-respiratory-student]

8/19/23 Update

Hi tumblr,

I haven't started school yet, so there hasn't been much to update on. I'm not sure if I talked about my classes for the fall, but I registered for Chem-100 and Biol-107. These are both online courses. I initially was gonna take Chem in-person, but after remembering what it was like going to school last semester, I decided to try to get an online class. My school is a 45 minute drive from my house... I can't drive yet so I have to take the bus which just makes this even longer. They often DID NOT follow their schedule and drivers would just take off if no one was there. Like bro...you're 10 mins early...YEAH NO ONE IS THERE YET. People would complain, nut the drivers suck and would still just take off. Also...LOTS of weirdos on the bus. So, I've opted out.

It was hard to get this Chem class though. It said they had openings, but that it was also waitlisted. Waitlisted usually means that it is full, which this class was not. I really wanted this class, so I could be more flexible so I asked a few people. I asked the professor of the class who never got back to me. I asked admissions who at first told me it's waitlisted and I have to wait... like girl I know you didn't read my email because I said it's waitlisted but also shows open seats... so I emailed admissions again saying something along those lines and then they got me connected with someone who works on the STEM courses. She was able to help me and I finally got in! All the people I asked and they either didn't give a shit or just completely ignored me.

The lesson I learned from this is that if you want something you need to go for it and that people really don't care, so again if you want it you need to put that effort in because no one will do it for you. No one cares as much as you do.

I can't wait for when I'm an RT in a couple years. Time are so tough right now, and I won't even lie those checks would be life changing. I know school will be tough, but I have to get out of this. I hate living like this. We're not even check to check. We're hoping for a miracle every time.

Some more related to RT would be that I finished my general ed more the degree! 7 classes were required and I got 3 A's, 2 B's, and 2 C's. The C's were from when I first started school during the pandemic and I had also just graduated and was dealing with some health issues. I've grown, persevered, and learnt from my mistakes while in school. My grades have been better and I'm proud of myself :)

Now I'm working on the prerequisites for the program. There are 3 and I got one done so far: algebra with a B. I need Biol 107 and Chem 100. I'm so excited to see this all filled out and feel the pride in my chest of knowing that there were tough and sleepless night but I pushed through and will be closer to having a fulfilling career which allows me to live my life the way I want to live it.

That's actually one of the things that drew me to RT was the flexibility and pay. I want to be able to spend half to more than half of my time not working. I want that work life balance that RT can provide. I've had my fair share of health issues. Lots of testing and procedures. I know it can be scary and you're very vulnerable at those moments. I was lucky to have staff that cared for me and helped make those moments less scary. I would like to be able to give the same experience to others. I also have family with COPD and asthma. I have asthma as well. I've had some really bad attacks. I'll work hard to give my patients the best care that I would have wanted for my family or myself.

I know I'll make an excellent RT. I've also considered pediatrics since I have a background with kids and honestly love working with children.

Well that's it for now. Not huge updates, but still some new thing in my life and on my mind.

[jinxedshapeshifter]

As a former student in the performing arts (specifically band, theater, and choir), JAH. If one person is bad at the specific thing you’re doing or is just generally distracting, it’ll ruin the entire thing, if not for the audience then for someone else. Some examples from my experience in the performing arts:

When I was in band in 7th grade, we had one oboe player (soprano specifically). Of course, as he was an oboe player, when we were in concerts he stood out because oboes have a very distinct sound. It didn’t ruin the concerts by any means, but I feel bad for him because he got teased for it a lot, especially when we’d review our concerts, and eventually the band director had to threaten us with getting in trouble so we’d stop. I think he actually quit by second semester because the teasing got so bad but I might be wrong.

I managed to accidentally play a note that was in the previous section of the song on a rest once during a concert. As a result of this, there was just a single out of place flute at one point during the concert.

Choir was a massive struggle for me, because the lights and heat caused me to have to resist yawning about 90% of the time during concerts. While yawning during a choir concert isn’t as bad as yawning during a band concert, it’s not something that’s beneficial to anyone.

If your acting isn’t good, it ruins the entire thing. Watch any movie or TV show with even one person who’s acting is shit and you’ll know what I mean. Acting especially requires everyone to have some skill in what they’re doing, otherwise it ruins the experience.

The performing arts (when done in a group setting) are a group effort; if one person isn’t giving their A game or just is not good at what they’re doing, the entire performance falls on its face. A band with a bad guitarist wouldn’t get far. An actor’s group or theater wouldn’t get far if one of their actors was bad at acting. A choir with a member who sings off-key constantly won’t go far.

If the group as a whole isn’t good (including if only one person isn’t good), the entire thing falls on its face, and Leah’s attitude alone sounds like the kind of thing that would bring down the entire choir.

AITA for telling my friend she can't sing?

So I (F17) am in my school's chorus class. I have been in chorus classes since 1st grade, and I also sing in my church choir and am part of an a capella group. I love singing and plan to go to school in musical theater. And even with all this experience and the skill that comes with it I would just call myself a decent singer. I'm not amazing, I'm not gonna win any awards, but I can more than carry a tune.

In contrast my friend Leah (F17, fake name) just joined chorus class this year and only did it to hang out with me and a couple other friends in the class, and thinks she has amazing talent. She thinks she's gonna be the next Stevie Nicks or Celine Dion. But she sucks. Like, objectively so. I'm not just trying to be mean. A friend in her section told me our teacher has actively told their section (on a day she was out sick) that they need to sing louder than her at our next concert so no one can hear her. While we rehearse for concerts Leah sometimes gets pulled aside for one on one times with the teacher in his office, and she keeps bragging that it's because she's better than everyone else. It isn't. It's because she is really, really bad, and so she needs extra help. Seriously, I can't emphasize enough that she tells everyone she meets she's a professional singer when she can't make it through Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on tune.

Still, she's nice enough outside of this fact and wasn't directly hurting anyone, so I never said anything. Until the auditions for the school play came up. We're doing Grease. I auditioned for Sandy (the lead girl) and so did Leah. I didn't get Sandy, but I got Rizzo. Leah didn't get anything.

Since she found out she didn't get any role at all Leah has been incredibly bitter and mean. She keeps saying how unfair it is, how she's so much better than us, how the teacher knows she's better and is just holding her back because he obviously plays favorites. Still, I tried to ignore her. But then she said that I in particular only got in my a capella group only because I flirt with every guy who looks my way, and I do that because I know I don't have her natural talent.

I admit, this is where I might be TA: I went off on her. I told her she couldn't carry a tune in a bucket and might be able to see that if she got her head out of her own ass a second. I told her everyone in class knew she sucked, and if anything was unfair it was that everyone had to work harder just to cover up for how bad she sounded.

Since I went off on her Leah has been avoiding me in school and blocked me on social media, and I've heard she's telling people what a bitch I am. A few of our friends say I shouldn't have gone off on her like that, and I agree I probably went too far, but I feel at least a little justified?

What are these acronyms?

[lover4st]

study session with miss perfect, eddie munson x dyslexic!reader

Summary: Eddie Munson needs a tutor, you get that position. 

Word Count: 1,429

a/n: so, i have this whole list of ideas to write and i eventually get them on screen but i would love if y’all gave me some stuff that you would want me to write.

ATFIRST IT WAS IN FIRST POINT OF VIEW BUT THEM WAS EDITTED. PRONOUNS ARE “YOU” MIGHT BE A FEW WITH “I”.

MOSTLY GENDER NEUTRAL BUT READER IS CALLED “MISS PERFECT”

+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+

“Y/N, I know that you don’t like the idea, but we really need you to do this. If you don’t, the principal told me to contact your parents.” The teacher has just said that you have been tasked with tutoring Eddie Munson.

It isn’t really a problem with you. You don’t have anything against him, you find him kind of cute actually. But it sucks when someone has to study with you. You always already get embarrassed, teased, and made fun of. Your mother already has to help you understand and read and write stuff because otherwise it will become a mess and some people say you write like a 2nd grader. Including your “friends”.

“What are the requirements?” You asked, wondering how long this might last. 

“Well, if he gets serious improvements, at least a B average for this semester, then you don’t need to. But if his grades start slipping again you will be assigned as his tutor for the rest of the year.” This might be some serious work; he didn’t even look like his grades would be that bad when you first saw him. In fact he sort of still looks like that. He looked kind of nerdy, which is so attractive in a guy, and then you saw some of his tattoos. 

I don’t know what that man is but the first thing on my mind is hot.

“And I would like you to study with him during lunch at least once a week. Now you don’t have to see each other for a certain number of days but you have to spend at least 4 hours studying or tutor with him.” It doesn’t seem that bad, oh well. Might as well just get to study with him today during lunch. Everyone knows which table he sits at because he is very noticeable. With climbing on tables, yelling across the cafeteria. You always let your gaze switch to him because of how cute he is.

Who needs a Jason Carver when you can get an Eddie Munson?

“Yes ma’am.” You walked out the room considering there is only one more class till lunch, and you want to get the embarrassment over with instead of holding it out. But lunch is only 45 minutes, so we would still need to get 3 hours and 15 minutes for this week, and it’s Tuesday already. So, I guess we’ll just set up a schedule or something.

You already spot him in the hallway at his locker after you leave the classroom. Just want over to him. You can do this.

“Hello!” You didn’t even really register walking over here and saying something till it came out. You sound like a scared mouse, just a little squeak of an introduction. “I’m Y/N. The teacher has assigned me to be your tutor.” I didn’t realize I had my eyes squeezed shut. Your eyes open and you see Eddie just looking at you.

“I know, she had to talk to me to.” He said, rather calmly. Like he didn’t seem to care at all. He looked at me sort of sadly for a few moments before he said something again, “You know you don’t have to; you can just say that you did it and I’ll agree with you. I know Miss Perfect doesn’t want to work with The Freak.” He said the last thing with a gruff tone of annoyance.

It made you sort of upset. He really thought you were going to lie my way out of this and say that I did it even though I gave no effort to. You want his grades to be good and for him to understand the work he was doing. And he called you Miss Perfect, you are no way in control with your life. It just seems like it. You work hard to maintain good grades, a clean room, athletics, everything you do. 

“It’s okay! I’ll do it. You don’t seem like a bad person anyway. As long as you don’t make fun of me then you are all good.” He looked at him with hesitance. Maybe he was questioning why you brushed off his insult. Maybe he was questioning why you would actually help tutor him. You’ll never know. “Our first study session will be during lunch today, so get some food and head to the library.” You said in a somewhat chipper tone. You looked at him and decided today isn’t the day to be late, you turned around and walked away. The same way you walked towards him, unsure. Maybe a little frightened as well.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

The next class blew by so quickly, that it was now time for lunch. Or just the study session. You dashed to the library as fast as possible, ignoring your friends completely because you know they would criticize not yourself, but that fact Eddie Munson needs a tutor. They are probably going to mention if he is dumb, but it really doesn’t matter. 

You get into the library and surprisingly see that he is already situated there. Maybe this won’t be as difficult as it was thought to be.

“Hi, just pull-out whatever homework you have, and I can help with it if you get confused. Or whenever you’re done, I can check over it.” You said to him while walking over and placing my bag down. You look at him and watch him for a minute until he looks up and makes eye contact. “Sorry.” Wanting to make this less embarrassing, you grab your bag and pull-out a book and decide to start reading. 

You start reading out loud and push your finger across the page to keep along with the words. This is the one of the ways you can read somewhat decently, you love reading. It’s just difficult.

“Are you trying to read to me?” It was already forgotten in your mind that you were helping Eddie Munson and in fact that he was sitting next to you.

“Um, no.” Eyes drifting back to where your finger was still on.

“Why are you reading out loud then?” The pencil was now on his paper, not in his hand anymore. As he looked at you with his hands together, fingers crossed and arms on the table. 

“I just have a little bit of an issue reading,” face flushing. “I told you I’m not Miss Perfect, things are hard for me too. I have to work as hard as most people, maybe even harder.” Picking up the bookmark you had and putting it back in your book. Looking up at him you ask if he needs help.

“At the moment, no.” He picked the pencil back up, “and I wasn’t trying to imply everything is easier for you. It’s just you seem so put together. I am sorry if I insulted you.” He was begging you for eye contact, since you hid your face again by the bag in front of your face.

You peeked your head and looked into his eyes. His pupils were wide, begging for forgiveness. Looking like a sad puppy dog.

“It’s fine, I’m glad you are just a little more understanding with it than others.” You gave him a little smile, which he found adorable. He immediately started smiling with his teeth and gave a little huff of breath.

“Well, people should be understanding of that, you can’t control it.” Looking back down at his paper he saw all the erase marks, “and I didn’t care you were reading out loud, I started looking up because I got confused and was going to ask for help. I was just waiting till you finished the page.”

Why did people insult this man? He is one of the nicest people you have met, it doesn’t matter if he failed senior year 2 times. He was still amazing. And plus, who doesn’t love older guys?

“Alrighty, what seems to be the problem?” You had already gotten out of your seat and made your way over to him, now you just leaned out and got to see what he was working with. “And just so you know, I didn’t care about who I was tutoring. But I’m glad it was you, got the hottest guy to tutor out of anyone. And too bad I’m going to have to hang out with you more often.” Said with so much smug and pride. He turned to his right to look at you. His cheeks were flushed, and he was looking at your face.

“Oh, you are something else alright.”

[secret-sagau-my-beloved]

Ok genshin college au headcanon time because I had 15 minutes before my next class and nothing to do with it let's go

-

So Venti is totally the music major who doesn't bother with a minor

Whether or not he actually goes to class depends heavily on how hungover he is

Obviously he's forced himself to go to class when drunk/hungover out of his mind, everyone's used to it

Constantly has to flash his ID because he looks younger than pretty much everybody else, and will get approached multiple times asking if he's supposed to be there

Totally the type to adopt some introverted art major students

Becomes an absolute nuisance and decides to just invite himself to their classes because he's on good terms with like all the humanities professors

Will just walk into any sort of psychology class to critique everything that's going on and propose the most outlandish theories as a past time

-

Zhongli is obviously a business major with a focus in trade, and probably a finance minor

Absolutely the perfect student type, 4.0 GPA, perfect attendance, always polite and respectful during discussions

Keeps to himself and like never goes to uni events

Is definitely the type that kind of always ask for money in subtle ways, it's hard not to feel bad for him when he never seems to have any cash on hand at all

Commits light money laundering and nobody expects it

-

Ei would be a history major with a special focus on ancient civilization structure, especially in Eastern areas

I could see her getting a minor in music but not telling anyone about it

Venti caught her in the music building once and holds it over her head to get her help passing his required history classes

Professional but very strongly opinionated, will get into heated debates and is constantly scouted out to join a debate club because of it

I think she's totally the type to graduate a year or two early because of the amount of extra AP and honors credits she got through high school

-

Now for characters I don't do often

Albedo is obviously a science major with a specialty in chemistry, minor in fine arts

I imagine him pursuing a masters or maybe even a doctorate

Keeps to himself but has a soft spot for first years

Everyone's always super jealous because he's both good in the technical fields and the more creative fields

Is slightly considered the campus cryptid because he's never seen outside of class, almost as if he just teleports to and from, nobody's ever been able to catch him entering or leaving

-

Thoma probably got an associates degree from the local community college in general studies and decided to pursue a bachelor's in hospitality when he realized that general studies wasn't going to get him very far

Has a secret dream of simply being a house husband, but he would never share that, even though it's pretty obviously seen through some of his actions

Becomes like the local mom friend who everyone who wants a non microwaved meals goes to, he ends up creating a bit of a side business just selling decent food made in bulk at low prices to struggling students

Thought about pursuing a veterinarian degree, but ended up abandoning the idea after seeing how much time and money he'd have to devote to it

Always seems to be around when you need him, just casually walking around the campus, helping out people in his free time

Professors love him

-

Childe is a special case, he's more the type who doesn't put a whole lot of effort into classes and only takes a few per semester, so it takes him way longer to graduate than pretty much everyone else

I feel like he would go for a business degree just because it's so general, doubt he would actually try for any minor, but I could see him being interested in like computer science as a hobby type thing

He very rarely actually shows up to class, but he still manages to pass with a relatively good grade because of how he performs on tests

Is simultaneously both a good and bad influence

Is rumored to get into a lot of scuffles, but none of them are ever proven, so he's never actually kicked out

Totally rich kid vibes, but not in like an asshole way, he just throws around money like it's absolutely nothing

Might expand on this with more characters later ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[greatwyrmgold]

So, this was originally supposed to be for @thepariahcontinuum's parahuman OC name/vibes ask thingy. I don't actually have any particular OCs, but I'm perfectly happy to make up stuff for fun. The problem is, I have no restraint when it comes to writing, and this would fit neither within the ask box nor within the scope of what TPC was planning to do.

So instead it's its own post.

Where better to start than a trigger event? Or two, because clusters are fun. The inspiration for this is inspired by one frustrating project I had in college, though obviously dramatized and turned up past 11.

Background

Our OCs for the night are Christine and Edward, biology students at mumbles some kind of name University. They're lab partners in a genetics class, with one big project built around tracking allele frequencies in small populations of fruit flies. "Small" as in "fit inside test tubes".

Making sure the fruit flies don't die in there is quite an involved process; someone needs to take care of the flies every eight hours. A pain, but with two people and a good schedule it's manageable. (Sure would suck if, say, someone's lab partner dropped the course and you had to do that alone. You'd have to sleep in the class building's student lounge or something!)

Anyways, with two people working together it's not so bad. Or at least it wouldn't be, if the experiment went according to plan. But with several tubes dying off and one or two cases of the flies escaping the test tube, both of which require starting the experiment over...well, things get tense.

Christine absolutely needs this class for her major, so she's putting in all the work required and then some. But it's an elective for Edward, and the stress and schedule disruption are getting to him. It turns out that my parenthetical gripe wasn't just a poorly-veiled excuse to gripe about the inspiration for this event. (Though in my real lab partner's defense, he dropped the course before week 2, well before the project in question began.)

Christine does not take kindly to Edward bringing that up. She refuses to drop the course, it's too late to join a different group, and she can barely keep up with the setbacks on her own. Silently, she also blames Edward for at least some of the failures. He clearly doesn't care about this class, why would be bother to put this much effort into keeping the flies alive? For all she knows, he could have skipped some of his check-ins. Is that why their flies are struggling to survive, when nobody else's are?

Trigger Event

But Edward is stubborn. One evening, when Christine is taking care of the flies, Edward comes into the lab. Now, both parties have been having a rough week, due to both the experiment going wrong and factors unrelated to that particular class. Edward wonders for a moment if this is the right time to tell Christine, but...no, it's gone on too long already.

Christine snaps. Her semester has been hell so far; the distortion this inflicted on her schedule meant she could barely find time for anything except classwork, her job, and surfing the web between classes. Then this asshole decided to make the rest of the semester that much more hellish. Edward tries to blunt the blow by suggesting she could retake the course next fall, but she's put too much effort into gathering what fragments of data she can for this dumpster fire of a project to quit now and start over in a year.

Edward breaks first, accusing Christine of being a stubborn, selfish bitch. Christine breaks harder, triggering first but not even noticing her powers as she chucks another class's fly test tubes at Edward. Edward, in turn, freaks out due to a combination of broken glass, confused flies, and not realizing that Christine's anger has peaked and she's already starting to regret her outburst. That moment of pain, uncertainty, and worrying that his lab partner is gonna claw his eyes out or something while he's swatting flies is his trigger event.

Primary Power, Christine

Christine triggered because of chronic stress, catalyzed by Edward being really bad at reading the room. (Christine probably would have still triggered if he'd let her know by text message or something, but she wouldn't have smashed a bunch of lab equipment in the process.) Tinker power, unsurprisingly, and probably a bio-tinker power. (She's a bio major, after all.)

She creates small minions, often winged, notable for their hardiness—depending on the specimen, some combination of regeneration, tough flesh, and just not dying when they should have been killed. But...well, to be blunt, they're not that effective on their own.

Christine's tinker power lets her make minions that don't fail easily. It does not provide anything particularly special that they can do. They're tough, kind of mobile, but at the end of the day they're not much more than small, well-trained animals that Christine can control...and not at a Skitter level. At an Aiden level, except she needs to prepare the right commands (chemical triggers) ahead of time.

Christine can probably also use her power for medical purposes, though not anywhere near as well as Bonesaw. It's more of a force multiplier for medical stuff she could do, letting her do good first aid faster or without proper tools once she learns the basics of first aid.

Primary Power, Edward

Edward wasn't as stressed by the project going badly, and it wasn't as personal of stress. Instead, he triggered from acute stress. The stressors are all immediate, in-your-face threats. Or at least, Edward is convinced they are. (I admit, this is a weaker trigger event. I was going to give Ed entomophobia, maybe with a joke about how he's from Brockton Bay, but that leads to questions I couldn't find good answers for.)

This seems like a Striker/Breaker power—it's mostly a Striker trigger, but doesn't quite fit the bill. Striker/Breaker...so, activating an alternate state which has an effect on things touched. And that's where I hit a roadblock, because...these characters are barely defined beyond their trigger event.

Best I can think of is some kind of repulsion thing—something that would let Edward repel the glass/flies, something that lets him avoid problems, but not something particularly suited to solving them. (Kinda like how his response to a nasty class project was to drop the class.) Possibly with a secondary Mover aspect that lets him "skate" across any surface in sneakers.

I'm thinking...Edward is surrounded at all times by a mostly imperceptible spatial distortion field, which makes it slightly harder for things to hit or stick to him. He can strengthen this effect by transforming his outer layers (skin, clothes, etc) into more spatial distortion, kinda like that one power Eidolon uses in his last big fight.

This field can get pretty powerful, strong enough to deflect most anything. But deflections drain the field, especially if deflecting something heavy or otherwise forceful (e.g. powerful para-lasers). The distortion field can recover, especially if Edward stops to focus on recovery, but if it gets too badly drained it collapses into its basic state. And because it was drained before collapsing, Edward's outer layers aren't fully restored. He tries not to let that happen a second time.

Secondary Powers

Christine's secondary power is mostly an extension of her tinkering. She can produce basic repulsor technology, limited mostly by battery life. It's good for guns and jump-jets, but it can't produce reliable sustained flight. She can also design her minions with weak repulsive abilities; the strongest version is one that creates a repulsive force between her creatures, letting a larger (say, dog-sized) one serve as a springboard for smaller ones.

Edward has a secondary, single-device Tinker power. He creates a girdle that helps mitigate the downsides of his power—not full Man in the Can levels, but something in that vein. It drains charge from his distortion field at a bit less than the rate it recharges, to be stored later. On one hand, this weakens his field a bit when he's using the girdle; however, it can also discharge the stored charge when his field weakens, to avoid losing skin to a failed field. It can also generate small, short-lived flying minion things made of spatial distortion. They're fragile, but mess with space around them, and they break/fall apart into a burst of repulsive force.

Both also have secondary sensory powers, giving them enhanced spatial awareness, a sixth sense for spatial distortions, and a knack for diagnosis. (Not on Amy's level, more a "I don't need much equipment to figure out what's going wrong with this critter I created" sort of thing.) Unsurprisingly, the last sense is stronger for Christine, the first two for Edward.

Powers Summary

Christine is a Tinker. She creates small, tough, winged animals, as well as various repulsor-based gadgets. Her minions are tough but not good at accomplishing goals (a badly-designed tank class, if you'll pardon the gaming metaphor), meaning she doesn't work well along.

Edward is a Breaker. He can turn the outer layers of his body into a spatial distortion field that repulse anything that get too close, but if this field gets too stressed, the backlash can flay him. To avoid this, he makes a girdle that stores excess charge from his field to be released into the field when it's dangerously low. Once he upgrades it, it can also expend this charge to create small, temporary minions that distort space and blow up.

What Happens Next?

Christine is getting fined for breaking those test tubes and ruining those other students' projects. After some pleading, the college administrators compromise, letting her finish everything in the genetics class except the fly project; she'll join another group next fall for that. Edward just drops the class and vows never to touch a fruit fly again.

Christine feels shitty about blowing up like she did, and wants to make it up to Edward. (And the students whose projects she smashed, but...well, that's a whole other can of worms.) But Edward wants nothing to do with her. Christine chained her to this stupid fucking class and attacked her with a swarm of fruit flies, he's just done.

And cape team-up potential isn't going to help matters. Christine needs teammates in general, and would specifically benefit from being able to charge her repulsor tech with Edward's girdle (when that charge isn't urgently needed to deflect bullets or something, of course). But Edward is fine on his own; his power doesn't have any overt holes.

I imagine Edward would become a vigilante, sliding from crime-fighting into stealing-from-the-thieves as he realizes his power is better at getaways than brawls. Christine would end up joining a local hero team, trying to recruit Edward until he does something to stop her.

No cape names or anything, on the off chance that Pariah wants to assign names and vibes to them.

[dreamwritesimagines]

Burn The Witch 7 - After Midnight [Bucky Barnes x Reader]

A.N: Thank you so much for your wonderful support and feedback my loves ! ❤ Here’s an extra chapter, I hope you like it as well and please let me know what you think! ❤ Thank you! ❤❤❤

Warnings: Enemies to lovers, fake dating, mentions of blood, sex, violence, death, manipulation, language, guns, knives.

Summary: Missions require stealth.

Series Masterlist

For a spy, working at unusual hours was nothing new. During your training at the academy they would wake you up at ungodly hours to drag you to exercise just so that you would get used to being ready to fight anytime.

So technically you weren’t supposed to be this tired, but you hadn’t gotten any sleep last night. To your surprise, at around 5 in the morning you were assigned to a new mission to capture and bring another member of HYDRA in. It was unexpected because your superiors had told you earlier that earning Bucky’s trust and getting information from him was the priority, and they hadn’t sent you after any target for days up until this morning. You weren’t exactly complaining anyway, other missions weren’t your priority.

Even if you kept telling yourself what you were doing was just business, somehow talking to him didn’t feel like it.

“God damn it,” you muttered to yourself when the sight of your reflection in the elevator mirror caught your eye, making you heave a sigh and push the button to your apartment. Your shirt was stained with so much blood that you could hardly see the white and you licked your thumb before trying to scrub off the dried blood on your cheekbone. The elevator made a small noise before the door opened and you stepped outside, dragging your weary self to your door.

“What’s up neighbor?”

You jumped out of your skin and turned to Keith who was watching you with a grin on his face, holding a cup of coffee.

“What the fuck?”

“Likewise. Why are you covered in blood, you normal civilian you?”

You opened your door and stepped inside with him following you suit.

“Mission.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose, “Young lady, look me in the eye and tell me you didn’t kill the Winter Soldier.”

“What? No!” you made a face, “I could never- it was another kind of a mission.”

“You already have a mission, didn’t you tell them you’re supposed to focus on that one?”

“The target was heavily protected and it needed my expertise.”

“Nobody likes a brag.”

You rolled your eyes, “Keith, General literally told me that before sending me there.”

“You’re not supposed to get close to targets anymore,” he reminded you and you shifted your weight from one foot to other, biting inside your cheek.

“It got out of control,” you murmured, making him sigh.

“Y/N.”

“It’s not like I wanted to!” you defended yourself, “It was just necessary, that’s all.”

“If you get in close combat with a target you might end up with visible injuries, and that would compromise your cover as a civilian and tip Barnes off.”

“I know, I know…” you murmured as you walked to the sink to wash your hands, then switched the coffee maker on.  

“Do you?” he insisted, “Because from where I’m standing, it looks like you’re looking for trouble.”

You grabbed a cup from the shelf and turned to him.

“I just wanted to get it over with,” you said, “Okay? I have other things in mind.”

He pulled his brows together, “Like what?”

“Like…” you waved your hands, trying to find the words, “Like other stuff. Like my main mission— by the way I couldn’t ask the other night, why did they locate you here?”

“General said your relationship with Barnes is progressing well. It’s better to have another agent close by, just in case he decides to make a late night visit.”

The innuendo wasn’t lost on you and you raised your brows, “I feel like I’m working in a dark alternate version of a matchmaking system where they hook you up with a date you can’t trust.”

“So every dating app out there?” he asked, making you laugh as you sipped your coffee.

“Speaking of dates,” you started, but was cut off your phone beeped and you checked the time, then cursed under your breath.

“What?”

“I can’t believe I’m working at a stupid milkshake shop,” you grumbled, “I need to take a shower and get to work, see yourself out.”

“You know, you could bring some milkshake home,” he said as you walked to the bathroom, “That’s what a good neighbor would do.”

“Goodbye Keith!” you called out and closed the bathroom door.

                                    ***

You really, really needed something to snap you out of this sleeplessness. Preferably coffee, preferably in an I.V. or something because you had a feeling drinking it wouldn’t be enough at this point.

“Thank you and bon appetite!” you smiled brightly at the customer after serving them their milkshake, then dropped the smile and pulled the small apron off your uniform.

“I’m going to take a break and get some coffee,” you told your coworker “You want anything?”

“No thank you,” she said and you fixed your hair before walking outside to make your way to the coffee shop.

Keith had a point. It was stupid to get in close combat with a target, especially now. General had sent you there with clear orders of you keeping your distance and using your sniper rifle, not your dagger and in the heat of the moment, you had decided to go after him when you couldn’t get a clear shot.

“Hi, can I get a hot red eye please?” you asked the barista, “Actually no- make it a black eye, largest cup you have.”

She smiled slightly, “Long night?”

“You have no idea.”

She swiped your card before giving it to you and you walked to the waiting counter to lean against it, nibbling on your lip.

You really, really wanted to believe that your sour mood was a result of you not getting enough sleep, but deep down you knew it wasn’t like you to take unnecessary risks.

It was the fact that you had been too distracted to take the shot at the right time because you were looking down at your phone when the target had walked out of his building.

But after all, it was your main mission, wasn’t it? You had to make sure to get Bucky’s attention to get closer to him. Maybe two missions at the same time had these kind of disadvantages, but it wasn’t as if you could walk there and tell them not to give you side missions.

If you wanted to be a handler, you had to prove yourself.

You took the lid off the cup, the scent of hot liquid filling your nostrils and you grabbed the sugar packets before tearing the top off to pour sugar into it. You dipped the thin stir stick into the beverage to stir it, then put the stick between your lips but as soon as you turned around and saw who had just gotten his coffee, you held your breath.

“Hi!” you said breathlessly, pulling the thin stick off your mouth, “Um- Captain—Captain America sir.”

“Oh God no, please call me Sam.” He offered you his hand and you shook it.

“Hi Sam.”

“It’s Y/N, right?”

“Yes!” you said, “Yes, it’s wonderful to see you again. Under much better conditions where I haven’t been shot at.”  

“Bucky just went to that uh….” He paused, “Milkshake shop right? He just went there to see you.”

You scrunched up your nose, “Oh no, I literally just went on my break.”

“That’s alright,” he said, “He’ll be back here. Would you like to sit down?”

Nope.

Nope, you did not want to sit down.

You had planned a whole strategy to pull the wool over Bucky’s eyes, but Sam’s file told you that he was an excellent judge of character, much better at reading people than Bucky. Everything that you had told Bucky to manipulate him had worked so far but persuading Sam wouldn’t be that easy.

Seeing that any small sign could tip him off, you had to put even more of an effort into the illusion.  

“I’d love to!” you said and followed him to the nearest table. You sat down and pushed your hair behind you ear, smiling up at him.

“I never got to say thank you,” you said, “For saving me back there.”

“Don’t mention it, really,” he said, “How’s your arm?”

“It got better,” you said, “I thought I was dying but as it turns out, it was just a graze. Only thing that’s hurting right now is my ego.”

“Oh it happens.”

“Even you have to admit, that was a bad first impression.”

He grinned, “For what exactly?”

“For—um… for a first—first impression. In general,” you stammered and sipped your coffee while he sat back.

“So how do you find New York?” he asked, “Bucky mentioned you just moved here.”

“It’s been a month, yes,” you said, clearing your throat, “I like it so far. I mean, aside from getting mugged, I enjoy it. It’s very different than where I grew up in but like— it’s very new.”

“Yeah, especially if you’re from a small town…” he mused, “Where did you say you moved from by the way?”

“Cannon Beach, Oregon.”

“I love small towns,” he said, “Very peaceful.”

“They are!” you said, “I mean sometimes a little too peaceful with nothing to do but…”

“You know, visiting Oregon has been in my list for a while now,” he said, “Any advice on where to go if I end up visiting there?”

Oh he is good.

If you weren’t a trained spy, you wouldn’t have even noticed that he was trying to see whether you could be trusted or not. Bucky, being secretive himself hadn’t even asked anything about your so called hometown but Sam knew exactly what to ask to see if you were hiding something.

You thanked Chloe for making you read everything about your file the other day in your mind before you pursed your lips, deep in thought.

“Well my hometown doesn’t have much to offer but— do you like hiking?”

“Sure, why not?”

“We have a state park,” you said, “I think you’d enjoy it. Natural view, all green and peaceful. Back in high school, every semester break my friends dragged me there and the there was this one time we were all there, I got stung by this huge wasp and it was just before the school dance and I ended up not getting asked out by my crush—anyway, it’s a long way of saying I don’t hike anymore.”

That made him chuckle and he seemed to be convinced that you were sincere, thankfully.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he said as his eyes went over your shoulder, making you look up and gasp.

Jesus, as it turned out you weren’t the only one with a mission who required you to get in close combat.

“Oh my God.” You covered your mouth with your hands, staring up at his bruised face half hidden by his hat. Sam pushed his chair back, clearing his throat.

“I should probably step outside,” he said as he stood up, “Gotta make a call, I’ll see you later.”

“Thanks man.”

“What happened?” you asked as Sam walked out of the coffee shop and Bucky sat down across from you to the seat Sam had just left. He tried to offer you a small smile.

“It’s nothing.”

“Bucky it doesn’t look like nothing…” you mumbled, your brows pulled together “Does it hurt?”

What?

“Does it hurt?”

You weren’t supposed to ask that, you were supposed to gather info on where he went and what he was doing on missions of his own.

“Not at all,” he assured you and you took a shaky breath.

“What happened?”

“There’s this thing me and Sam are working on,” he said, “Don’t worry about it. I went to the milkshake shop to see you but…”

You wanted to ask for more details but something told you it could create a problem to insist this early so you decided against it.

“Just tell me you’re safe?”

A soft light crossed his eyes, “I am,” he said, “I promise.”

You paused for a moment before you pushed your hair behind your ear. “I gather you’re kind of used to getting hurt then?”

“A little,” he admitted, “That’s why I couldn’t call you or anything. I got caught up in something.”  

Ah. He wasn’t giving you any details even if he thought you were a civilian.

He could like you, but he still couldn’t trust you. Maybe it was a precaution, maybe he wanted to keep you away from his mess, but either way, it was very clear that he had trust issues.

You took a mental note to put it on your report for General and shook your head.

“Of course,” you said, “You don’t need to explain anything, I’m just glad that you’re well and safe. Bruises aside.”

“Looks that bad huh?”

“No!” you said quickly, “No I wouldn’t say bad. Not by a long shot, you’re still pret—uh…dashing. Cute as a bug’s ear I’d say. Looking—looking aces. Dynamite even!”

He pulled his brows together, keeping his eyes on you.

“I may or may not have checked some early to mid 20th century slang just in case,” you admitted, making him tilt his head in confusion.

“Just in case of what?”

“Just in case you said something and I didn’t understand on the second date,” you said, “And let me tell you something, you guys spoke a completely different language back then.”

“You’re joking,” he said with a small smile and you crossed your arms.

“You don’t believe me?”

“Say one more term and I will.”

You thought for a moment, “Fine. Are you ready for this?”

“Absolutely, bring it on.”

“I will….” You trailed off, searching your mind for the right words you had checked online the other night, “I will snap my cap if you spook me showing up looking like you were about the buy the farm last night.”

A clear laugh escaped from his lips as it lit up his whole face and that was when you realized how rare it was to hear him laugh out loud. A warmth filled your stomach and you raised your brows, your nose in the air.

“See? Told you,” you pointed out and stole a look at him, “Was it—was it good?”

“It was great,” he said when he could pull himself together, “Absolutely perfect.”

“Why thank you,” you sipped your coffee as he cleared his throat.

“Speaking of the second date…” he said, making you bite down a smile, “Any chance you’re free tonight?”

“I am,” you said, “But you’re not.”

He pulled his brows together, “Hm?”

“Have you seen yourself?” you insisted, “You look like you—you almost died or something!”

“It wasn’t a big deal, really.”

“Well, those bruises say otherwise,” you said, “You need some rest. How much sleep did you get last night?”

He averted his eyes and waved a hand, “Some. Enough.”

“Bucky,” you said, leaning in slightly, “How much?”

Everything the government and your division had gathered on Bucky suggested the same thing; The Winter Soldier was basically created for war. He was the perfect soldier, and there was no way anyone could get any information from him. There was a reason why they had sent you into this mission, trying to get intel from him by force was absolutely impossible.

Even the government knew that.

But the same unstoppable soldier who would probably die before saying anything to the enemy caved in when you batted your lashes.

“Two hours.”

Your jaw dropped and you shook your head, “Nuh uh.”

“It’s enough, it’s more than—“

“Nope,” you cut him off, “You’re going to rest at home and—eat soup and watch garbage TV, mister. No dates for you on two hours of sleep.”

A soft smile pulled at his lips, “I can function with two hours of sleep darling.”

Your heart did not skip a beat at that, it was just you being very focused on your own cover and that was it.

“Well I don’t want you to just function,” you mumbled, “You need to take care of yourself too.”

Judging by his expression you could see that he wasn’t used to hearing that and you put your coffee on the table, then reached out to gently put your hand over his vibranium one. His hand twitched like a gun recoiling in your hand, even if you knew it was involuntary and a look of disbelief crossed his features, as if he hadn’t expected you –or anyone to touch that, as if he was afraid that you would be scared.

But of course, that was the spy in you speaking. Your cover wasn’t supposed to notice anything of the sort.

“How about…” you trailed off, “We have a date tomorrow? You go and get some rest tonight, and I’ll pick what I’m gonna wear for tomorrow and spam my friends with outfit ideas.”

“You sure?”

“Of course,” you said, “We have all the time in the world for dates. And I happen to live here, you know? It’s not like I’m going anywhere.”

He smiled and turned his hand to entwine his fingers with yours, rubbing his thumb over your knuckles.

“Good,” he rasped out, “I like the sound of that.”

                                         ***

You should’ve known your superiors wouldn’t make it easy for you. This time, you were allowed to take your team with you because as it turned out, the right hand of the target you had brought in last night had gotten away, so now you had to take him down for your superiors to cut a deal with the target.

The first part of the mission had gone splendidly. He was alone and in hiding, so setting your gear up on the rooftop and pulling the trigger hadn’t been difficult whatsoever. You watched as a couple of agents burst through his door so that they could retrieve his body and fixed your ski mask before starting to dissemble your rifle to carry it easier.

“Anyone wants to grab some dinner?” Keith’s voice reached your earpiece and you yawned.

“Nah,” you said, “I’m going to go home and sleep for a year or something.”

“Deleting the security cam footage of the building right now,” Chloe let you know, “And I want dinner, I’ve been running on multiple cups of coffee.”

“You got it.”

“Are you buying?” one of the agents in your team asked, “If you are, we’re coming too.”

“Yeah man, I’m buying. Tacos?”

“Sounds good, just let me check—“ Chloe started but then gasped, “Shrike, get out of there right now!”

It was almost instinctual. You grabbed the small pistol out of your boots and turned around to point it at the person behind you but as soon as you recognized who he was, your heart started pacing.

Bucky had decided not to rest at home after all.

“Hi soldier,” you managed to say, “We have to stop meeting like this.”

Chapter 8

[cakehuntermason]

Just a warning. In this post, I talk about how things aren’t going well in my life. If you don’t like what I’m saying, then please ignore the post and move on with your day or evening. And, just warning you, it’s about my late partner and death.

How does our [leather] community grieve? As of today, it’s been 3 years since he died and it’s hard for me to wrap my mind around. People grieve in their own ways. Part of me hoped that people would’ve made a more deliberate effort to reach out to me and help me. However, the pandemic rattled us in many ways and affected people’s psychological or social ability to help me embrace my grief on top of their own. Also, I myself didn’t do a good job of communicating what I needed. Thankfully, he had a friend who’s a certified grief counselor and he helped me a lot. We even became friends.

His death is the first time I’ve dealt with death to this capacity. Usually, it was a friend of a friend or a distant relative. But with him… he died in front of me not long after we got back home from the Reading of the Names in West Hollywood. December 1st marks World AIDS Day, a tough day made harder by his death. The names that were read… a reminder of the folks who many of us will never meet.

Death and grief are undeniably difficult. I think it’s part of why people say, “Passed away” or “No longer with us.” But I think that just makes death harder. He died. He’s dead. And it hurts so badly knowing there’s nothing I could do to bring back the man who taught me what being loved actually felt like. That’s what some of these screenshots represent. These are various texts that I got from him, they make me smile a big smile and often they bring tears.

I’m certain some people have judged me for dating an older guy. I hear the judgmental way many people talk about intergenerational relationships so, it’s not too much of a stretch to think that. I knew as a part of life that he would eventually die, but I hoped that I’d get to have at least 10 years with him. I only got 1 and a half. It’s a short amount of time, but it was still an extremely meaningful relationship.

The part that’s hard is, if he was still alive, he’d be here with me. One time, when we were talking about me applying to out-of-state grad schools, he said, “You’re crazy if you think I’m not moving with you.” I do know he would’ve hated how rainy and snowy it is out here. It’s just hard in extra ways, too, being so far away from family and disconnected from opportunities to create my chosen family.

I realize that I could keep going, but like many others, I have to keep moving forward. Just some general life updates… some bad, two good (saving those for last). The sweet lad and I are no longer together. And I couldn’t afford to keep my cat because, unbeknownst to the folks at the shelter, she had bladder problems that required a special diet and more medicine than I could afford. The semester has been brutal, but thankfully there’s one week left. Time for the good! I’m going to be a guncle early next year! Also, I’ve been chatting with a daddy type in Louisiana. He’s a sweet and smart guy so, maybe I’ll pay him a visit after winter.