#this sam having a complicated relationship with wanting dean's blood

[theboykingsmichaelsword]

no thoughts head empty just s4!sam fresh from a session with ruby and still keeping secrets from dean watching his older brother snoring quietly in the dark and thinking how gordon was right, he should've killed himself a long time ago before he could become this thing that confides in demons and lies to his brother but more damningly can't stop wishing it was him sucking salvation from dean's blood like communion that night in the factory instead of vamp!gordon

[kaleldobrev]

Please Don't Leave

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader

Summary: Dean's lucky to have you in his life and honestly doesn't know what he would ever do without you

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: Cursing (3x), Fluff, Vulnerable/Angry Dean

Authors Note: The gif makes me sad | This might seem a little non canon but at the same time I honestly feel like Dean would react this way (fight me if you want, but I said what I said) | I just love this man so fucking much | Dream/Flashbacks are in italics | If you liked this, don’t forget to like & reblog. I really appreciate it! Feedback is always welcome ♡

Dean didn’t have a lot of consistencies in his life, but you were one of them. Out of everyone he had known in his life, you were one of the only people that had remained with him through all the heartbreak, all of the death, all of the blood, sweat, and tears that this life had. You had been through it all with him: Sam going to Stanford and leaving him behind, his fathers death, him selling his soul, the year that Sam went to Hell, the year the two of you were in Purgatory, the few months he was a demon, his bloodlust fueled by the Mark, him being possessed by Michael. He had an endless list of things that the two of you had been through together, things that would cause any normal or rational person to throw in the towel; but not you. “You can’t get rid of me Dean Winchester, not even if you kill me yourself.” You had joked. And that was something that he had almost done – and on several occasions too. And yet, you never left him. “I guess I’m just stupid.” You said. “Or maybe the sex me and you have is just that good.”

The sex he had with you, now that was something. It was unlike anything he had ever experienced; and he has had quite a lot of sex during his lifetime (not that he bragged about it of course). When the two of you initially met, it was only supposed to be a working relationship, a friends with benefits sort of deal. But eventually it turned into more. He wasn’t sure where him or you had gotten your wires crossed but they did; and it turned into you and him always finding each other at the end of the night regardless of the different men and women that had hit on both of you at the bar you two were at.

The sex used to be quick, usually done in either a drunken haze or after a tough hunt. But it eventually turned into something that either one of you would initiate through soft touches: a kiss on the forehead, a simple hand hold, or cuddling into each other. Once, in the middle of sex, he wasn’t sure why he had said it but he did. He kind of just blurted it out. “I love you.” Now that was something he never thought he’d ever say during sex before. But here you were beneath him, staring up at him with those doe eyes of yours that you frequently had during sex and said, “I love you too.” It was something he didn’t expect.

Dean didn’t know what he could or would possibly do if you weren’t in his life; and that was something he didn’t want to think about. But it was something that has been an unavoidable thought as of late. Waking up to you was one of the worst but best things after a nightmare of losing you. He would wake up in a panic, his heart racing, sweating; afraid that you were gone for good this time. But without fail, every single time you would be right there next to him. Either sound asleep or awake enough to tell him, “It’s okay, I’m right here.” He would always reply the same way. “Just…please don’t leave.” It was a simple yet complicated sentence. “I’m not going to. I’d never leave you.” Those words that you always uttered back should have been comforting to him, but it was just an empty promise – even though he knows that’s how you never intended it to sound. In your heart you loved him deeply, and he knew that. He knew that you’d never leave him; the two of you have been through everything together. But when it came to this life, it was hard to make and keep promises like that.

“Dean, I just can’t do this anymore I’m sorry.” Your words had cut into him like a knife. Like he’d been shot hundreds of times. The torture he received from Hell combined with the loss of his mother was child’s play compared to what he was currently feeling. He just started blankly at the two duffel bags at your feet as you stood in the doorway of the room the two of you shared. Well, formally shared that is. “Aren’t you going to say anything?” You asked, your question snapping him out of whatever trance he was in.

“There’s nothing to say.” Of course there were hundreds, no thousands of things that he had wanted to say to you, but he knew that he couldn’t say any of it. As much as he wanted to beg for you to stay, he wasn’t going to make you stay. Once you made up your mind that was it; there was no convincing you.

You looked at him with a confused expression. “You don’t even want to know why I’m leaving?” You asked, and Dean simply shook his head. “Why not?”

“It doesn’t really matter.” He tried to keep his voice even, to make you believe that he was okay. But he could tell that you knew he wasn’t (you knew him long enough to know when he was or wasn’t okay).

“Dean.” You said, your voice sounding more heartbroken than his.

“It’s alright. You don’t…you don’t have to explain yourself.” He said, taking a seat on the bed you two once shared.

“I feel like you deserve an explanation. We were together for almost twenty years Dean.” You sat down next to him on the bed. He had just wanted to push you away or wrap you in his arms. Two completely differently reactions, but that’s the way he felt. “Dean.” You touched his shoulder and he flinched, you quickly removed your hand. “I love you, and I know you know that but –”

“Please just…stop talking. I really don’t want to hear what you have to say.” His voice was more hurt now, and he could feel himself trying not to say or do anything that he was going to regret. He wanted to cry, but he didn’t want you to have to see that, despite seeing him do it so many times before. “Just, leave if you’re going to leave.” You didn’t move, simply just staring at him. “Go!” He snapped, and that’s when you got up.

You walked over to your bags, slinging one over your shoulder and holding the other one in your hands. “Goodbye Dean.” You said, before walking out of the room. For a while he heard the sound of your boots down the hall, but they suddenly became faint, almost inaudible. The Bunker door opened and closed again. You were gone. Gone for good this time.

“You said you’d never fucking leave.” He whispered to himself. “Said you’d never fucking leave me.” He pounded the bed with his fist. “You fucking lied!” He got up from the bed and he felt himself start to lose control; no longer in control of the emotions that had been building up when he had started watching you pack up your bags.

Dean woke up abruptly, sitting up. He was panicked, his heart racing. His breaths were heavy, his chest moving up and down. He rubbed his face, trying to fully wake himself up. There was no way he would be getting back to sleep for a while; not after that nightmare. “Y/N -” he began to say as he looked over to his right side; your side of the bed. You were gone. “Sweetheart?” He asked, his hand reached out and touched the emptiness next to him: it was cold.

He looked up at the door to the bedroom which was slightly ajar. The only light in the room came seeping in from the hallway. He didn’t remember having the door open, the door was always shut whenever the two of you slept. Despite how safe the Bunker was, sleeping with the door closed added an extra layer of safety, not just for him, but for you as well.

A shadow appeared, blocking some of the light. He reached over and opened the drawer of his nightstand, slightly gripping his gun that he always kept there. Before he could fully wrap his hand around the weapon you squeaked inside the room and shut the door again quietly. A huge amount of relief washed over him in that moment as he let go of the gun and closed the drawer. “Dean?” You questioned, upon hearing the drawer close. “Baby are you okay?” You asked, walking to sit on his side of the bed. He looked at you as you placed a hand on his cheek. Your eyes full of worry.

“You were…” his eyes flickered to your side of the bed that had been empty when he woke up before looking back at you again. “You were gone. When I woke up you…”

“It’s okay. I’m here.” You reassured him, your voice calm.

“Where did you go?” He asked tiredly.

“The bathroom. I really, really needed to pee.” You said, Dean chuckled a little at your comment. “You know I wouldn’t willingly leave you right?” You reassured him again. You felt him nod in your hand.

“I know.” His voice sounding just a hint sad. “I uh, I feel stupid for freaking out.” The sentence was a whisper.

“There’s nothing to feel stupid about Dean.” Another reassurance. Dean had every right to react the way he did; he had lost so much, even before you had met him. You had been with him through everything. Witnessed so much loss and endured just as much. “Was it a nightmare?”

He nodded. “Yeah. It was the…the one where you break up with me.” You hated that one just as much as he did.

“I’m never going to break up with you. I love you too damn much.” You said, giving him a smile. You crawled into bed next to him getting underneath the covers. “Come here.” You held out your arms for him, and without hesitation he went into them. He wrapped his arms around your torso and rested his head on your chest; your arms wrapping around the back of his neck. Your fingers started playing with his hair, gently massaging his head.

The two of you sat there in silence, both of you with your eyes closed. You weren’t sleeping, but you were unsure if he was. Even if he wasn’t, his breathing was starting to get more even, he was starting to calm down. Hearing the sound of your heartbeat always calmed him down. “Y/N?” Dean asked.

“Yes my love?” You asked, opening your eyes.

He looked up at you briefly, tiredly. “I know I don’t tell you enough but…I’m really lucky to have you in my life. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you.” He kissed your neck, as that was one of the only spots he could currently reach.

“I’m lucky to have you in my life too.” You responded, giving him a kiss on the top of his head.

“And Sweetheart?” He asked again.

“Yeah?” You asked.

“Thank you…thank you for not leaving me.” His voice sounding a little pained. The sound of this sentence had broken your heart a bit. Leaving Dean was never an option for you, no matter what had happened between the two of you. Being with him wasn’t easy, but you couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. He was your person, the love of your life, your soulmate. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” You kissed him on the top of the head again, and you could feel his smile.

That night, Dean didn’t have another nightmare, but he did dream. He had one of his favorite dreams; one that always gave him a sense of calmness and normalcy. The two of you would be just lying in bed together watching some random horror movie on tv. It was something that the two of you have done hundreds, no, thousands of times, so there would be no reason why it would be his so called favorite dream. What made it his favorite though was purely based on one small detail, a detail that made it known to him that it was in fact a dream: wedding rings would be on both of your fingers.

Someday maybe, he thought.

Tag List: @roseblue373 @beansproutmafia @queenie32 @deanwanddamons @missy420-0 @jackles010378 If you'd like to be on a tag list, just message me!

[sammyofold]

Here's the second part of the wincest fic rec list! The fics are grouped together under overarching tropes.

(Part 1 | Part 2)

Case Fics

The Truth In The Lie by flawedamythyst.

Summary: Sam and Dean pretend to be gay lovers while they hunt a monster on a bus tour of Nova Scotia.

Pine Sweat by Goshen.

Summary: Sam and Dean get sent back to 1996 and go on a hunt with their teenaged selves. The kids don't know who they are.

this narrow room where life began by peculiarstate.

Summary: Everything Dean is, even all these years later, is still for Sam, only ever Sam, it beats through his blood more real to him than his own heartbeat, Sam, Sam, Sam. The common fucking denominator of Dean’s entire life. or Four years later, Dean has Sam back. Some things have changed. The main thing hasn't.

venti cup of poison, half-caf, long shot by darlingargents.

Summary: A string of murders outside Seattle seem to be connected by coffee. Sam goes undercover as a barista to try and get to the bottom of it.

Mercy by LaughableLament.

Summary: Sam’s rattled, hunting a ghost light in the aftermath of Dean’s reunion with Cassie—a woman so important, Dean disobeyed Dad for her.

Walkin' the Tightrope by non_tiembo_mala.

Summary: It’s 2036, and twenty years since Sam and Dean called it quits on hunting to take up a secluded, quiet life. Maybe Jesse and Cesar gave them the idea, but after Amara, they realized they’d done enough. And they wanted a proper life together even more. Known as Sam Wesson and Dean Smith to the residents of the nearby town they call home, Sam and Dean keep mostly to themselves, their immaculately kept ‘67 Chevy Impala, and their cabin in the woods. That is, until someone from their past tracks them down, desperate for help. Sam and Dean can’t say no, not when it’s their dear friend Jody Mills in deep trouble – she’s missing – but the wedding bands they wear make going back to their old life just that little bit more complicated…

The Things We Carry With Us by lovesrain44.

Summary: Sam and Dean are on the road, saving people and hunting things, like they always do. Dean discovers that Sam is attempting to turn himself into a monk, and so he does his best to get Sam laid. Sam resists because, of course, who needs to have sex with a girl when Dean’s around? It's about going on a roadtrip with your brother. It's about the food you eat, and the maps you follow. It's about the things you carry with you. (Takes place some time after Heart.)

On the Cover of a Magazine by teashopmuses (LJ).

Summary: Sam and Dean are called in to investigate the mysterious death of a model at a photography studio in Michigan. The only way for them to get in? Pose as models themselves – which is much easier said than done.

When It Crackles by lyra_wing (LJ).

Summary: A cult is rumored to be guarding the Fountain of Youth. Oh, and while investigating it, Sam and Dean get roped into getting married. Yep.

Always You, without time or space by benitle (LJ).

Summary: Sam and Dean leave New Paltz, a haunted painting and Sarah behind them, each thinking in their own ways it'll be the last time they do anything like that. It isn't long before a string of unexplainable deaths takes them to The Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City. Between frustration and brotherly fights, surviving more art than can be seen in a lifetime, a revenge killer and the mean city, their relationship is taken to a whole new level that neither of them had expected. But of course it's never that simple, because between all the emotional chaos, there's also a case to solve!

Swesson

A Case of Do or Die by RiverSongTam.

Summary: Former hunter Dean Smith and Men of Letters legacy Sam Wesson are working through the rigorous MOL initiation process as partners, an arrangement Dean isn’t too happy about at first. Both he and Sam worry about being paired with someone they’re so attracted to—and who’s obviously straight. As the boys work together, they become friends, both secretly fighting their feelings for the other despite days at the movies, hours of research, and nights at the Roadhouse spent in each other’s company. When Sam has a vision of Abaddon wiping out the Men of Letters on initiation night, the pair wind up fighting something even more terrifying. The Men of Letters aren’t going to die out on Sam and Dean’s watch—even if a misunderstanding about their feelings for each other happens along the way.

Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here by Zanne.

Summary: Dean Smith and Sam Wesson want to hunt some more ghosts. They go to the experts for some hands-on training, but can they fight the strange attraction between them?

Who Are You? (I Really Wanna Know) by orphan_account.

Summary: Ever since Sam Wesson moved to Ohio, he’s found himself in an exceedingly terrifying series of battles against his own brain—and the attractive man he keeps bumping into with the strikingly green eyes is Sam’s only clue as to why. Meanwhile, Dean Smith’s next promotion is practically in the bag until he starts stumbling over a succession of worrisomely inappropriate outbursts. The cute, but creepy IT guy who keeps leering at him really isn’t helping things either.

When We Kiss Our Scars Align by matchsticks_p.

Summary: Meet Sam Wesson. Meet a ghost. Meet more ghosts. Meet each other's parents. This is not how Dean Smith had imagined his life would go.

More than the dirt it takes to bury them by gorgeousnerd.

Summary: Sam Wesson doesn't usually run off with strangers to fight what lurks in the dark. But then, Sam doesn't meet people he dreams about - people like Dean Smith - every day. It's not perfect, but he's making a difference and getting closer to Dean, so what's not to love? Except the dreams he still can't explain. And the way he's starting to sweat and shake and itch for something he can't name. Something like demon blood.

How Many Floors to Realize by lazy_daze.

Summary: AU from the end of It's A Terrible Life, in which Zachariah decides to keep stringing them along a little while longer, because damn if they aren't somewhat entertaining, right?

Green Man by inalasahl.

Summary: Godstiel puts Sam and Dean back into the Sandover verse. It takes them some time to recover their memories.

Demon Dean

Welcome to Your Future by klove0511.

Summary: When Dean is suddenly pulled through time, he's confronted with a broken little brother a decade older than he should be. With Sam determined to send Dean back to his own time, will Dean be able to figure out where his present day counterpart is and fix things for Sam?

Come Close by AlulaSpeaks.

Summary: Dean may be a demon, but that doesn't mean he's stupid. In fact, he's just bursting with good ideas.

is there a word for bad miracles by withthekeyisking.

Summary: Dean comes back from Hell...different. But hey, it's not like Sam's the same as he used to be, either.

High Achiever by Agent_Hellcat.

Summary: Dean rescues Sam from Cole, his abductor. But does he have a hidden agenda?

Undeniable Dilemma by rosych33ks.

Summary: Dean stepped forward again, a strange kind of patience in the action, and Sam flattened himself back against the car, hands up, knife in the left just a useless afterthought at this point. “No, Dean, wait! You can— There’s something else we can do.” Dean sneered at him, but he just shifted his weight to his other hip, didn’t go for Sam again immediately, and that was something at least. “Oh yeah?” He said it like he was humoring him, probably thought he was letting Sam stall for his own amusement. “And what’s that?” Sam straightened a little, made himself look Dean right in the eyes, and most of all, did not let himself think. “You can fuck me.”

Ruin You by Mumble_Bee.

Summary: Cole fucks Sam with Demon!Dean watching from a devil's trap, snarling that anyone would dare touch what was his.

(Note: Trigger warnings for graphic depictions of rape and torture. Here's another version the author wrote where Dean is human. Same warnings apply.)

Alternate Events & Fix-Its

Away to Darker Dreams by brokenlittleboy.

Summary: Finally hunting on his own, Dean makes a trip to Stanford to visit Sam, only to find his little brother's gone missing. And when he finally does stumble upon him in a dark twist of fate, Sam is not the boy he used to be.

B-Side by phoenixflight.

Summary: Sam Winchester is a senior at Stanford with his whole life in front of him when he dies in a tragic fire. He didn't know what to hope for from an afterlife, exactly, but whatever it was, it wasn't his brother Dean, arrived before him.

Truth or consequences by rivkat.

Summary: What if Agent Henriksen gave Dean truth serum? Disinhibition and dirty talk.

120 - forgiveness by ani_coolgirl.

Summary: Dean reassures Sam that he did the right thing by putting down Samuel. Due to past events, Sam has a hard time understanding Dean's attitude. Conversations are had and misunderstandings are finally cleared up.

Brother's Blood by diana_lucifera, stormageddon.

Summary: When Dean goes missing on a hunt in New Orleans, John picks Sam up from Stanford to help look for him. (Pilot AU)

Always My Guide by Delanach.

Summary: After Dean goes to hell, Sam turns to Ruby but using his powers for the first time after tasting her blood takes away his sight. Bobby takes him in but it's not until Dean is pulled out of hell that he faces up to having to learn to live with a new reality. As for Dean, helping Sam relearn everything from the ground up gives him something to focus on. When Sam insists on tagging along on a simple salt and burn and they encounter a demon, they realize that Sam still has his powers, they are stronger than before, and he can sense other supernatural beings in different ways. When they are faced with the possibility of Lucifer rising, they must work together with Bobby and an angel called Castiel to stop it happening.

This is Ourselves (Under Pressure) by clex_monkie89 (LJ).

Summary: After Nightshifter, Sam and Dean hit the road. What follows is three months of fear and frustration with the FBI hot on their heels, trying to avoid the long arm of the law while still continuing to work. It's not easy; being on the run doesn't leave much time for breathing, never mind sleep, sex or any much-needed downtime.

Extra Gen Fics

What You Choose To Do With It by StarsandJellyfish.

Summary: Sam and Dean have finally got to a good place in their relationship, after the fiasco that was the few years Dean had the Mark. Now, weird things are happening all the time, and Sam has no idea what is going on or why. Dean is acting strangely, like he knows something Sam doesn't. Sam is just looking for an explanation that makes sense. Or five times Sam used his powers without knowing it, and one time he knew it and worried what Dean would think.

Red in Tooth and Claw by LilacLetter.

Summary: It’s the summer before Sam’s senior year. The brothers are stuck in New Mexico where their dad left them to their own devices. Sam and Dean are bored stiff in the searing heat… until a case comes along. It can’t hurt to check out the mysterious desert creature alone, right? Case-fic, pre-series, h/c.

Time held me green and dying by anyplaceisbetter.

Summary: Sam wakes up aged 9 and with zero clue who the weird man in the bed next to his is. They deal.

The Bonds of Brotherhood by authoressjean.

Summary: In the wake of Lilith's death and the apparent destruction of their brotherhood, Dean and Sam find there's an even bigger revelation than Lucifer rising, because Lucifer isn't in his Cage. Lucifer and Michael both Fell a long time ago and became someone new. Became human.

With Heaven and Hell gunning for them, and new/old brothers fighting beside them, Dean and Sam have to navigate the world as the archangels they used to be and the brothers they're desperately trying to be again. Their bonds of brotherhood aren't easily torn apart, though, and something their enemies would be wise to realize.

Customs of the County by TheMarvelousTolkienJob.

Summary: All Sam wanted was to be normal. Go to school. Make friends. Spend quality time with his family. Only, the universe seemed to be conspiring against him and even these simple experience were turning out to be anything but that. Instead, he gets a rigged school system, an absent father, and an upset brother.

A New Beginning by MonPetitTresor.

Summary: After Chuck and Amara make up, they reveal their new plans - and they're nothing like what anyone had expected.

For Your Own Good 'verse by mentholpixie.

Summary: “Don't worry, Dean. I'll be a good little soldier and do everything Dad says. Promise.” Sam doesn't know how right he is.

On Our Own by authoressnebula.

Summary: When Sam is fifteen, his dad makes a decision based on a dark future he was apparently shown by an 'angel': split his sons up and abandon his youngest to keep that future at bay. Dean refuses to let it happen, but if they want to stay together, there's only one option: run.

[tidbit-fanfic]

A/N: WOW did this take forever. Did you think I’d honestly leave Forever & Always as it was? Here’s your fix-it-fic, part two to Forever & Always, but of course you don’t have to read this if you don’t want to fix things. That’s fine.

TW: 18+ Smut, protected sex (wrap your willy silly), car sex, blood, cannon level violence, angsty angst, the l-word, Micheal, mention of castration, spanking, makeup/angry sex?, fluffy fluff

No one ever said breakups were easy. Months passed before I could even look Dean in the eye again, and more passed until we returned to how we were before the relationship had ever happened. We formed a close bond and worked together on case after case. I accompanied Castiel and Kelly when the Winchesters were arrested, and I became a major support during Kelly’s pregnancy, within the limits set by Cas. When they busted out to raise more hell? I was there to help clean up after them. 

Things became rocky when Dean began lashing out towards Jack. I slammed my fist into his jaw one time. I don’t regret it, and I don’t think I ever will. He left in a huff after, ignoring me, as Sam and I tried to make sense of everything. A whirlwind of catastrophic events later, Dean stepped forward, doing the one thing he promised he never would: let Micheal in. 

“Anyone find anything?” 

“Sam, we’ve been searching for weeks, and every time you ask that question, what’s the answer?”

The younger Winchester pushes his hand through his hair, a deep sigh leaving his lungs. “Just hoping for something.”

“I know. You miss him, but we’re working overtime to scrounge up anything on him. Have you even slept in the past twenty-four hours?” I stand from the rickety chair I’d been sitting in for the past hour, looking into Sam’s eyes. His face quickly switched to one of guilt, a shy, school-boyish look taking over his features. My hands found their place on my hips, taking on a motherly stance. “Go. Sleep. Now.”

“But—”

“Now, Samuel.” He runs off to his room to get some sleep, hopefully. I turn back to my small team of five people. They all shake their heads, a couple returning their eyes to the screen sitting before them. With no sign of Dean, Sam and Mary have become overly stressed, constantly checking in on any form of a lead. Meanwhile, Jack and Cas are out doing their own little thing, leaving me to manage this small team, checking sources daily. Micheal must be covering his tracks extremely well because our facial scanners have reported back nothing about Dean, or any unnatural glitching. 

I walk my way into the kitchen, searching for a distraction. These past few weeks, I organized and reorganized the kitchen at least three times. It’s become my solitude after losing Dean yet again. I pulled out some ingredients and began cooking dinner for everyone in the bunker, hoping that by keeping my hands busy, I could distract my mind. 

“So, you’re going to follow this lead alone?” I cross my arms, narrowed eyes sizing up the Winchester standing in front of me, resulting in Sam shaking his head.

“I’m meeting up with mom and Bobby on the way.”

“Fine,” I say, pushing off of the table, watching as he goes to turn. “And Sam?”

“Yes?”

“Bring him back.”

Sam looks at me, a hint of remorse playing in his eyes. He goes to open his mouth before I wave him off, making my way to Jack’s room. I raise my hand and knock, waiting for Jack’s response. The door creaks as I open it, revealing the young male who has been living with us for some time. 

“Hey, buddy. How’s it going?”

“I mean, better now. Cas is finally beginning to see that I can help on hunts.”

I nod, sitting at the foot of his bed. “Did Sam tell you…”

“He did.” 

“Oh,” I state, racking my brain for ways to keep the conversation flowing when the blonde pipes up.

“You still care for him. Don’t you?”

My eyes snap up to Jack’s. “Jack. It’s difficult.”

“It’s not though. You should tell him when he’s back.”

“I can’t do that, he’s…it's…complicated.”

The male tilts his head, eyes searching my face for an explanation. I sigh, “I, well, he was the one who messed up, and I just took it. I accepted he didn’t like me enough to work through it. Then I fell apart, Jack, and I can’t live through that again.” 

“Is that truly how you feel?”

“There is no other way. We can’t, he can’t change what he did. I can’t forgive him for making me a second choice.”

Jack reached forward, resting a hand on mine, the other to wipe away the tears that fell. “But you still love him.”

“Yes,” I whisper. “But I can’t have him.”

“Y/N, I know I may not have been on this earth for long, but I’ve seen enough to say this: if you love him, give Dean a second chance. You never know how things might go this time around.”

I stand, wiping my face. “No Jack, I can’t” 

I leave his room, returning to the main part of the bunker, not before grabbing a glass of alcohol to numb the pain. I join the research team in the library, sitting in one of the few comfy chairs while Jack’s words echo through my head. “Give him a second chance. You never know how things might go this time around.”

 Heavy footsteps resonate through the bunker, Cas re-entering from Jack’s room, a look of shock crossing his features. “Dean?”

I watch as Cas wraps Dean into a hug, setting my glass on a nearby table as Dean’s voice rings out. “Hey, Cas.”

One of the few extra hunters walks up to Sam, running him through the information we collected since his departure. Meanwhile, Dean looks around at all the new bodies occupying the bunker. I turn my head away, beginning to make my way towards my room to avoid interaction with him, but it seems as if fate has other plans, with one of my subordinates stepping into my field of vision. “Cap? We have a couple of updates on that nest you asked about?”

“Show me what you have.” I look down at the tablet, littered with pins displaying the nest’s pattern of migration. I listen as they explain the situation, ignoring the presence creeping in from behind me. 

“Okay, send out a small group, maybe five? Check in with Sam to get it approved and run a couple of facial scans to ensure that they are where you’re predicting. Good work.”

“On it Captain.” 

“Captain? That’s an interesting nickname.” Jumping at the rough voice, I turn to meet a pair of forest green eyes I used to call home. I look him up and down, taking in the state of him, and maybe, just maybe, appreciating the archangel’s fashion taste, paired with Dean’s attempt at making it comfortable. As I meet his eyes, I can't help but force a smile, refusing to reveal my emotions.

“Dean! It’s so great to see you in one piece. Sam had us searching everywhere for you.”

“Sam did? It wasn’t you?” 

“He was driving himself sick.”

He nods, rubbing a hand across the back of his neck. “Look, Y/N, I know we—”

“Captain?” Another voice cuts through his sentence, and I turn to see Charlie holding out a tablet, nodding to Dean before redirecting her attention to me. 

“The reports you wanted just came back. Our predictions were right. Ketch’s team is nearby, just a couple of miles down the way. We’re sending them the info on the nest right now.” 

“Thank you, Charlie. And it’s really great to see you back, Dean. Especially in one piece.” I turn, heading back to my room, this time without interruptions. I close the door behind me, sliding down against it before rubbing my temples. Breakups aren’t easy, and living in the same space as your ex just makes it worse. 

The next morning, I’m up before everyone else, starting coffee and breakfast for the bunker. A sweaty Sam enters the kitchen, grabs a glass of water, and then presumably leaves to take a shower before the hustle of the bunker begins. I relax into the routine I’ve put myself into since Dean left, mundane tasks I easily get lost in. Breakfast is finished before I return to my room, a notification lighting up my phone’s screen from Sam. I flip my phone over, opting for a couple more hours of sleep before dealing with him. 

The sound of knocking wakes me up, as my door moves slightly with the action. I open it, coming face-to-face with Sam. Taking a step back, I rush to smooth down my hair while Sam lets out a low whistle. “And I thought my bedhead was bad.”

I throw a middle finger at him, glaring as he chuckles. “What do you want?”

“Just got a case in.” He walks in, taking a seat at my desk, opening his laptop to reveal a newspaper article. Man Reported Missing By Girlfriend: Claims A Giant Woman-Bird Took Him. 

“Are we sure she’s not just crazy?”

“Yes, multiple police reports of missing men in the area have a claim of ‘giant woman-birds’ taking them. Seems like an us problem.”

I look over his shoulder at the reports, showing drawn portraits of the attackers. “Jesus, those look like harpies. Tricky little buggers, but should be a ‌simple case. Give me ten minutes and I’ll be ready.”

“Good, see you then.”

Ten minutes later, I cross the threshold to the garage, eyes scanning it for the younger Winchester. The passenger side window of the Impala rolls down, revealing Dean, sitting in the driver’s seat. “C’mon, we don’t have all day. If Sam’s right about the feeding patterns, they’re gonna strike again tonight.” 

I look over my shoulder to the door of the garage. “Speaking of Sam, where is he? I thought it was just going to be us on this hunt?”

“Nope. Just me and you, princess.”

“Don’t call me that.” I open the door, tossing my bag into the backseat before climbing in, staying as far away from Dean as possible. He grumbles something under his breath, throwing Baby into drive and leaving the bunker. This was going to be a long hunt. 

Blood hit my face as my knife sliced through a harpy’s wing. The creature let out a screech before turning to me, its teeth elongating as it prepared to attack. I raised an arm to push back when a gunshot rang through the air. She fell to the ground, revealing a blood-covered Dean standing behind her. I dropped my arm, huffing and kicking at the dead body of the woman. We had destroyed the nest,and all the harpies within it, leaving only one last step before we could head to a hotel and get cleaned up. I looked at Dean, whose eyes remained locked on me with worry. “You ready to burn these bitches?”

A smirk broke out on his face. “You know it.”

I giggled beneath my breath, grabbing a container of gasoline before returning to the building. I poured it on top of the bodies, as well as the makeshift nests, before returning to Baby. Dean pulled a zippo from his pocket, striking it before throwing it into the door. We both leaned back onto the vehicle, watching as the building went up in flames, the adrenaline slowly beginning to leave our systems. 

I turn, looking at the man beside me. While checking him over for any wounds, noticing his shoulder bleeding. Claw marks from where the harpy attempted to take him. I reach out, pulling the torn fabric from the wound for a closer look. “Crap, Dean, this looks like it hurts.”

“I hadn’t noticed.” He shrugs, tensing as my hands work over his wound. “First aid is in the backseat.”

I nod, going to get it, ready to be done with the hunt. “Alcohol incoming.”

After I ensure he won't get an infection, I thread a fishing line into place, starting the first stitch, causing a hiss to rip from his mouth. Stitch after stitch, I tend to the injury, patching over it with some hydrocolloid bandages before stepping back. 

My eyes flutter open, revealing unfamiliar scenery. Dean looks up from his phone. “All good. Just taking a pit stop. Showers are over there.”

“I thought we were going to a motel?” I rub my eyes, reaching over the seat for my bag. 

“I thought it’d be pretty stupid, considering we’re only five hours from home. I was just gonna clean up and nap a bit before finishing the drive.”

I nod leaving the Impala and making my way to the shower building, clutching my pocket knife in my right hand as a safety precaution. I knew Dean had parked in an area where he could see the entrance, but it never hurt to be a little extra cautious. I entered the station, locking myself into one stall and starting the shower. Peeling my crusty clothes from off, I rinsed them in the water, hoping to remove some of the blood. I climbed into the shower, scrubbing away the gore painted on my body. My mind wandered to our situation. 

I had slept in the Impala with Dean many times, mostly when the motel was out of vacancies, leaving us to find a station similar to this. Sam would stretch out in the backseat while I cuddled up to Dean, safe in his arms. Back when I trusted him with my life. Now, I can’t trust him as far as I could throw him. ‘Give him a second chance.’ If only it were that easy.

I return to the Impala, devoid of monster blood. Dean’s head was lolled back, resting against the seat. I knocked on the window before opening my door, ensuring he wouldn’t shoot me. He opened his eyes, a strained smile covering his features when he saw me. I climbed in and curled up against the door, hoping to catch a little more sleep. Minutes passed before his deep timbre echoed through the car. “I know you’re still up.”

“Not the point Dean. I’m trying to sleep, what you should be doing.”

“I can’t.”

I opened my eyes, turning to him. “Why not?”

“It’s,” he swallowed. “Nothing. Sorry.”

“No, it’s not nothing. What’s wrong?”

He scrubbed his hand down his face, looking out his window. “Micheal fucked with my head.”

“I thought you couldn’t remember anything?”

“I lied somewhat. He was awful Y/N. Showing me the things he would do if I didn’t obey. I—I can’t get the images out of my head.” His voice became tight with emotion.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay. He’s gone now.” 

“That’s not the point. Micheal threatened Sam, mom, Cas, Jack, but the worst? He threatened you. God, Y/N, if you saw half of what he was going to do to you, you wouldn’t want to be anywhere near me.”

“Dean. He’s gone. We’ll find him, kill him and you’ll be fine.”

“Damn it Y/N, you don’t get it do you?”

“I don’t get what?”

“I love you! That’s why he threatened you.” I look into his forest-green eyes, studying the pain and anguish hidden behind them. 

“You don’t get to say that.”

“And why not?” 

I rest my back against the door, as far from him as possible. “You dumped me, remember? For a one-month-old? Not to mention how much of an asshole you were during the whole Amara situation.”

“I’m—”

“No Dean. You hurt me. You showed me just how little you care about me. You wouldn’t have even thought about her twice if you actually loved me. When Micheal convinced you to say yes, and you disappeared, I knew there was no fixing this. One day you're gonna find someone else and leave me just like you did the first time. I can’t go through that again. It would kill me.” I look at him, tears threatening to break through. “I love you. But I can’t do this to myself again”

“I won’t do it again, baby. Forever & al—”

“No!” My sob catches in my throat as I hug myself. “Forever doesn’t exist. Always means occasionally to you Dean.”

“Baby—”

“Stop.” I close my eyes, the pain slowly turning into anger. “I don’t want to hear it.”

Silence envelopes the space between us, leaving an awkward feeling between us.  

A sigh echoes from him, his hand running through his hair. “I know I fucked up. The Mark made me an absolute asshole, and I knew you deserved better. I tried real hard to bottle up those emotions I had for Amara, knowing they were only because of some weird mark-magic shit. After the whole demon ordeal, I knew you deserved better, so I quit trying. I had to hurt you to get you to leave me. I couldn’t run the risk of hurting you again.”

“Dean, that's not your discussion to make.”

“Isn’t it? I’m the one who was going to hurt you. It was me who took the Mark.”

“You don’t think I would’ve done the same to save the world? You’re really fucking dense if you can’t see I would’ve done the exact same thing. The only difference between you and me? I wouldn't have pushed you away for some random creature. Especially a baby!”

“Damnit Y/N. You don’t get it.”

“Then help me understand.” 

His eyes flicker from mine to my lips. “I love you so goddamn much, that hurting you would be hell all over again. And this time, not even Chuck could pull me out.”

My breath caught in my chest. “You don’t mean that.”

“Evey fucking word.”

I look out the window, mulling over his words. “Dean. I—”

“Fuck it.” Dean undoes his seatbelt, grabbing my jaw and forcing his lips to mine. Gasping, I open for his tongue, our saliva mixing into an intoxicating elixir. I throw my arms over his shoulders, pulling on the hairs at the nape of his neck. He pulls back exposing his neck, as I kiss along his jawline. I nip and suck beautiful bruises into his skin, pulling at the neckline of his shirt to reveal more of his skin. His hands go to grip my ass, pulling me over to straddle him. I lean back, making contact with his lust-darkened eyes and swollen lips. My hips grind down, a familiar ache developing in my lower stomach. Dean bites his lip, watching my hips as I rock against the zipper of his jeans, his erection pulling the fabric taut. I bring my lips to his again, small pecks while his hand rests around my throat,wringing a whine from me. “Princess, get your ass to the backseat now.”

I climbed into the back of the Impala, Dean following right on my tail, grinding his clothed cock against my ass as the door shut behind us. I went to turn around, stopped only by the sting of his hand meeting the meat of my ass. “Nuh uh, pretty girl, hands and knees.” 

“Asshole.” A crack rings through the air, his hand meeting my butt once again. 

“What was that again? Couldn't hear it over your bratty attitude.”

I lean my head on my arms, biting my lip to keep from saying anything else. Dean played with the waistband of my leggings, pulling the band just to let it snap against my skin. I push back into him, needing him urgently. Finally, he pulls my leggings and panties down, leaving them tangled up in my knees. Hands trace up my thighs, thumbs spreading my lower lips apart. “Jesus. Why’d I give this up? Such a pretty pussy, just begging for attention” 

“Don’t tease.”

“‘M not baby, just enjoying the view.” He trails his fingers through my folds, fingertips catching on my clit with each drag. Returning to my entrance, he slips his ring finger into me, curling it upward before he adds another. Suddenly, he pulls away, the sounds of his belt being undone sending a rush of anticipation through me. Dean slides his cock along my cunt, coating himself in the wetness fund there. “Wait, wait.”

“What’s wrong?” He leans back, removing his hands from my body. 

“Condom?” 

“Right, right, shit.” Dean climbs over the seat, popping open the glove box to get the needed protection. His jeans and boxers sit on his thighs, cock bobbing as he rolls the condom over it. “Good?”

“Good. Now get in here, cowboy.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

He breaches my entrance, pushing into my heat, causing a whimper to leave my lips, shaped into his name. The cool metal of his belt buckle presses against the back of my thigh when he bottoms out, his groan vibrating against my back. “Dean, move.”

He tucks his head into my shoulder, a deep groan releasing from his chest. “Sweetheart, if I move, I’m gonna cum like a goddamn pre-teen. Give me a second.”

Rocking my hips back onto him, I earn myself another breathy moan. “Please, Dean?”

“Shit. You’re gonna be the death of me, baby.” He pulls back, my pussy encouraging him to return home. His hips snap to mine, balls tapping at my clit. I arch my back, panting as I meet each of his thrusts. He sits back, hands finding their place on my hips, dragging me back. “Look at you, such a perfect slut for me, aren’t ya? All for me.”

I moan as his hips speed up, the tip hitting the spongy spot inside me. Dean lands another slap on my ass, leaning forward to kiss the place under my ear. “You’re dripping, soaking my cock so well. And you said you didn’t miss this.”

He grinds into me, the icy feeling of the buckle pressing deep into the heat of my thigh. Baby’s windows fog up, our breaths intertwining in ecstasy as he speeds up, going harder, faster, deeper. Dean’s hand slides up my back, knotting into my hair, pulling me up to my knees, without slowing down. “God baby, your pussy is the closest thing to heaven I’ve ever felt. Fuck. Such a good girl for, shit, for me.” 

  I clench around his cock, my orgasm within reach. “Dean, I, I need—”

“I know, princess, I know.” His other hand wraps around the front of my waist, slipping between my folds as he finds my clit, circling it with the right amount of pressure. My head falls onto his shoulder, shameless moans exchanged between us as my climax comes closer and closer. “Dean.”

“C’mon babydoll, cum fr’me.” With that, I reach the heavens, Dean following close behind with a couple of thrusts before he spills into the condom. We lay there, breaths intermingling as he tucks his head into my neck again, pressing soft kisses to the skin there. I pull him away, looking into those enchanting green eyes of his. 

“Fuck you, Dean Winchester.”

He laughs, pressing a kiss to my lips. “You just did, sweetheart.”

After cleaning up, again, I curl up on his chest in the back seat, satisfied and secure, as Dean traces patterns along my back, his breath evening out. 

“Dean.” He hums. “I meant what I said earlier. I truly love you.”

“I love you too sweet—”

“But if you break my heart this time, I will cut off your dick.”

“Fair. Now can you go to sleep? I fuckin’ exhausted.”

I giggle at his wording, snuggling into his chest again. Breakups are hard, but when you’re hopelessly in love, it’s hard to remember the pain. Unfortunately, I fell in love with Dean Winchester, and by fate’s design, he fell in love with me. 

[reinieseason]

here are my live reactions from episode 6

gen v notes frm e6

- it seems like cate's powers are not just getting people to do things, from the way that she, when pushed too hard, could hear jordan and marie's thoughts in their head without touching them. it seems like it extends to a general like mind control? cause she wasnt touching them either

- "didn't you learn cpr?!" "WHERE?!" "AT SUPERHERO SCHOOL????"

- cate learning that she can control blood inside of people's bodies. this will change everything i swear

- so they are preparing a virus to like control supes, can they control is she doesn't get sick or like a cure

- oh my god cate is more powerful then we thought, it can zap people into her memories. the blood dropping down her eyes but it looking like a tear gen v...

- ..... SOLDIER BOY BEING CATE'S IMAGINARY BOYFRIEND HELP???? WHAT THE FUCK

- I CAN'T TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHH

- why is soldier boy in cate imagination so weird HHAHAHA

- sam and emma are so cute stop this "i missed you" "for real?" "for real-real" THEYRE SO SILLYYYYYY

- OH MYGOD THEYRE KISSING????? LETS GO BABIES MY BEBES BEBES SAM...

- "Show me how" CRAZY CRAZY I TELL YOU THIS SHOW IS SO CRAZY

- THEYRE SO CRAZY FOR THIS

- THE SONG IS CRAZY

- i love you cate i love you

- dean shetty getting closer to cate is crazy, manipulative bitch

- i love you cate, i get you, i understand you.

- oh okay the voices and the like hearing people are part of cate's powers the reason they exploded now is because she hasn't been able to take her meds

- the way andre looks at luke... bruh this show and grief, i can't do this.

- i'm so sorry like the way . the way . the scene with cate and luke this is so so so so sweet i cannot . i'm gonna cry in the middle of class

- "i miss you man" WHAT THE FUCK "i miss you too man, so fucking much" i can't fucking do this . whats with this "but you know what i don't believe you" WHAT THE FUCK

- WAIT DO THE PEOPLE IN CATE'S HEAD HAVE CONCIOUSNESS???? IS THAT WHY LUKE IS PISSED THAT HE AND CATE HAD SEX

- THEY CHEATED ON LUKE TOGETHER WHAT THE FUCK ..................

- MAN..... THIS SHOW IS SO COMPLICATED

- STOP THIS

- WAIT HOW COME THEIR POWERS DON'T WORK IN CATE'S MIND

- "This isn't Cate's memory... It's mine" JORDAN KNEW???? JORDAN KNEW???

- the relationship between brink and jordan i can't do this, i can't do this this show and grief

- "We could've stopped everything right here. Saved someone. Like we always wanted, but instead we're a fucking TA, saving our own ass." "I loved Brink. He was good. Or not. But he was good to us" "He was nice it us! He was nice to us! Is nice all it takes for us to let someone get royally fucked? You're a coward. And you always will be." I CAN'T DO THIS THIS SCENE IS SO CRAZY

- the way sam and emma are having sex while jordan, andre, marie, and cate are going through like the worstish experience of their life

- if like last episode was the time of marie and jordan then this episode is sam and emma's

- annabeth and marie stop "no matter how hard you try to be a hero, you'll always be a murderer to me"

- this is trauma dumping premium, today they're experiencing others traumas

- the way they're college kids at heart "you have sex hair" "... no we don't"

- "Now can you make it contagious" I KNOW THE END EPISODE IS GONNA BE ABOUT THEM FIGHTING OVER THE VIAL I JUST KNOW IT

[valleydean]

Chapter 14 [Read Here]

CHAMPION Part III of Heavyweight a deancas boxing au by valleydean (emmbrancsxx0) read from the beginning | playlist

SUMMARY: Brooklyn, 1933. Dean Winchester, the number one contender, trains to become the next Heavyweight Champion of the World, and this time he won't let anything get in his way. Title holder Castiel Novak has second thoughts about retiring, especially when someone from his past arrives in New York and asks for his help. Meanwhile, a new contender rises to fame and threatens to complicate both of Dean and Cas' ambitions - and their relationship.

CHAPTER PREVIEW:

“I’m going to get a drink,” he said. To everyone but Dean: “Would anyone like anything?”

Everyone shook their heads, and Charlie said, “No, thank you.”

Cas shot Dean another heated look before walking away. And no way was Dean letting him slip away that easily. He grabbed his whiskey and knocked back the rest of it in one go just to have an excuse to go to the bar. The burn of the liquor made his throat close up. It got stuck in his chest, right over his heart. His head swam.

“I’m gettin’ another one,” he announced.

“No, Dean, come on,” Sam tried.

Dean ignored him. “Anyone want?”

“Still no,” Jo said, but Dean was already walking away.

Sam tried calling Dean’s name again, only to throw up his hands in defeat.

Dean sidled up to the bar and pressed his shoulder against Cas’. Cas didn’t look at him, but his body locked up and his profile shifted, all pinched lips and jutting jaw. Dean waved one of the bartenders over and said, “Bourbon. Neat. Thanks.”

“What do you want, Dean?” Cas asked, his posture curled in and his elbows on top of the bar. He still wasn’t looking at Dean, but at least he was acknowledging him. Dean could work with that.

He turned toward Cas and leaned one arm against the bar. His chest brushed up against Cas’ elbow. “Another drink, for starters,” he answered smartly. “After that? You admitting you were wrong might hit the spot.”

Finally, Cas turned his glower toward him.

He looked good tonight. His hair was tamed of its loose curls with gel, and his blazer stretched across his broad shoulders. His stubble was darker than he usually wore it—and he knew that Dean loved it like that because the scratch felt delicious against his skin. Not to mention, it accentuated Cas’ jawline.

Dean licked his lips and dragged his teeth across the bottom one, mesmerized, forgetting himself. The sound of the music and chatter around them was a hollow, constant warbling that sounded alien to his inebriated mind. He could only focus on Cas.

“What would be the point?” Cas asked, knocking Dean back into reality.

Dean cleared his throat into his fist to right himself. He reminded himself he was mad at Cas. “Point would be to end this stupid fight.”

The point would be moving past all of this crap. It would be Dean coming back home.

Cas shook his head in a rueful, minuscule movement before looking forward again. “If the past has taught me anything, it’s that apologizing will have no effect on you whatsoever. No matter how much I mean it.”

Dean barked out a bitter laugh, because that was just bullshit. Dean didn’t even know what Cas was talking about, but it didn’t matter. It was probably just another excuse Cas had cooked up. “You could try.”

“No, Dean.” Cas turned bodily toward him, putting his face too close to Dean’s. And not close enough. “I could get on my knees and beg, and it wouldn’t make a difference.”

Now, that was an idea. Dean was very interested in seeing Cas in that particular position. It made some of his blood rush down to his dick.

“You saying you wanna get on your knees for me?” he taunted.

Cas opened his mouth—then slammed it shut, like he’d expected an argument and belatedly realized what Dean had insinuated. It was fun, watching him flounder like that. The anxiety Dean had been feeling a second ago turned into anticipation because, for the briefest flash, Cas looked like he was considering it.

But then he breathed out and dropped his shoulders dejectedly. “You’re trying to get a rise out of me.”

If Dean got him alone, he was pretty sure he could get something else to rise. Maybe Cas’ dick; maybe a welt on his handsome face.

“I’m not taking the bait like I did when we were younger. It’s asinine,” Cas told him. “We’re at our friend’s birthday, Dean. We can be civil, or you can stop talking to me.”

All the humor drained out of Dean, leaving hostility behind. And something else, too. Something circling the drain but refusing to go down.

Just be with me again, he wanted to say. Don’t you miss me half as much as I miss you?

He could practically feel the words pressing down on his tongue, but he didn’t want to say them. Because, as always, Cas was reticent in the face of Dean’s abject misery.

Dean resisted the urge to thumb at his ring.

“I bet you’d like it if I never talked to you again, huh?” Dean challenged, if only for Cas to tell him he was wrong. “That what you want?”

Before Cas could answer, the bartender returned with Dean’s whiskey and Cas’ Rob Roy.

Cas snatched up his drink and turned to Dean again. “It doesn’t matter what I want,” he growled through his teeth, and it looked like Dean had finally managed to get that rise out of him after all. “You made it abundantly clear that your wants are what’s important in this relationship.” He shoved past Dean, checking him with his shoulder. With finality, he added, “Excuse me.”

Dean sneered, drink clutched in his fist, as he watched Cas walk purposefully toward where Eileen and Jo were chatting at the table. Everyone else had dispersed. The whole way there, Cas didn’t look back once. Even now, he kept his sturdy back to Dean.

[scoobydoodean]

do you think dean only valued cas for his powers/usefulness? i know we see him enjoying his company but do you think he would if cas had never done anything for him? this isn’t deancrit more than simply pondering

Of course Dean values Cas for more than his powers/usefulness. Dean loves Cas. Cas is family and his best friend. If Dean only cared about Cas being useful, he wouldn't have kept Cas's coat in his car for a whole season (after Cas betrayed his trust and broke his brother's brain and everything). He wouldn't have refused to leave Purgatory with Benny before finding Cas. He would have banished Ishim to save his own skin in 12.10. He would not have argued with Sam about sending Lucifer into battle against Amara inside Cas. He wouldn't have sat pleading with Cas and calling him family as Cas was beating him to death. He wouldn't have plead with Chuck to bring back Cas and kill him and Sam (15.19). Cas couldn't have been his big win in early season 13 that turned him off the path of suicide if he only cared about him being useful. This compilation video is quite exhaustive and worth a watch.

I find your second, related question very perplexing. There’s an implicit premise in that question that I object to, and that premise is that if we were to remove Cas "doing things" "for" Dean over the course of season 4 such as:

Cas showing sympathy for Dean in 4.16 to the point of getting demoted (which very much did mean something to Dean).

Cas helping Dean leap out of the flow of causality in 4.18.

Cas in 4.20 (completely of his own accord because he knew it was wrong) reaching out to Dean through Dean's dreams and begging him to meet so Cas could tell Dean the angels were going to start the apocalypse only to get attacked by angels and dragged kicking and screaming back to heaven for reprogramming before he could rebel.

Cas rebelling and helping Dean try and stop Sam in 4.22.

What we'd be left with is a sort of "neutral" but still "good" Castiel, deserving of Dean's love and friendship, but potentially denied it because he failed to do what Dean wanted him to do in 4.18 and 4.22. In reality, if we remove Cas's acts of rebellion in season 4 (which are predicated upon Cas's doubts and convictions and desire to do the right thing—not him being some poor lovesick puppy) what we are left with is someone who uses Dean.

So let's not get it backwards: Dean and Cas's relationship starts with the angels only valuing Dean for his usefulness—not the other way around—and season 4 Castiel is Dean's handler. He shows up periodically to order Dean to do things for the angels (4.07, 4.09, 4.10, 4.16), take him places against his will (4.03, 4.16), tell him vaguely what his destiny is (4.02, 4.16, 4.18, 4.21), and get him to do things for heaven's purposes like prevent seals from being broken and interrogate demons for information. Cas holds the power between them every single time they are in a room together, and without the acts of rebellion that contrast his colder moments, all we are left with is someone who might get to tell Dean he has doubts in 4.07 and might get confronted by Anna over his complicity in the evil the angels are doing in 4.10, 4.16, and 4.22, but who never actually acts on his convictions and doubts because he is ultimately (at best) a coward who values the safety of orders over what he knows is right.

Without Cas's acts of rebellion, we don't get some poor neutral wet cat. We get someone who learns his superiors are going to carry out an apocalypse that will kill billions and does nothing. We get someone who threatens to throw Dean back into hell if he doesn't obey, threatens to harm Sam if Dean doesn't stop him from drinking demon blood (4.03), manipulates Dean into doing things Cas wants him to do (4.15), kidnaps Dean to force him to torture someone (4.16), and kidnaps Dean again to store him in a gilded cage while his brother unleashes the apocalypse... and then afterward, he'd be expected to help Zachariah force Dean to say "Yes" to Michael with manipulations, beatings, and threats to Dean and everyone he cares about. Expecting Dean to love that Cas (because why? Because Cas feels "bad" about treating him like a living doll?) is essentially a demand that Dean develop Stockholm Syndrome.

Season 4 Cas and Dean are not friends (Cas himself says this first, in 4.02). When Dean asks Cas to rebel in 4.18 and 4.22, he is not asking that of Cas as a friend who wants Cas to do him a favor. He is, as a human being—begging his angel handler who he knows has doubts to be a person instead of choosing to behave as a mindless robot whose only function is to unquestioningly carry out heaven's orders when he knows the orders are wrong (Anna does the same thing in 4.16 and 4.21!) In 4.22, Cas makes an assertion about his care for Dean. He says he's "sorry", but with every intention of continuing to hold Dean prisoner and carry out the apocalypse, and Dean punches him in the face for it because Cas isn't a friend at all and his "sorry" is empty if he's just going to continue being Dean's kidnapper (Anna rejected the same sort of false-ringing "sorry" from Cas in 4.10 when he was about to execute her).

One of the most perplexing beliefs in fandom about Cas that I tend to encounter is the idea that Cas rebelled against heaven entirely and purely "for" Dean. Most of fandom pushes this idea with no ill will because it's romantic, while smaller sectors of fandom push this narrative as way of claiming Cas gave Dean some kind of benevolent "gift" when he fell and Dean now owes him for eternity for Cas being so selfless and nice and loving, and Dean doesn't appreciate his sacrifices enough. Cas did not rebel as some "gift" to Dean. Cas chose to do the right thing.

Cas's entire season 4 arc is about him struggling with doubts about God's plan. He and Uriel keep getting orders they struggle to understand, and they both (in very different ways) end up realizing they can no longer obey without losing all sense of identity and violating all of their beliefs and convictions (4.07, 4.10, 4.16). Without Dean even knowing about it at first, Cas already rebelled against heaven in 4.20, after finding out the angels were going to start the apocalypse. He simply got caught and punished back into obedience. When Dean convinces Cas to rebel in 4.22, it is the second time Cas is overtly choosing to rebel against heaven and the apocalypse plan. The first time in 4.20 has nothing to do with Dean begging or pleading—he didn't even know. Dean convinces Cas to uphold his already existing convictions in 4.22. He pleads with Cas, saying, "You were going to help me once, weren't you, before they dragged you off to Bible camp. Help me now—please!"

What attracts Cas and Dean to one another over the course of season 4 is their mutual care for others—their love for people and their desire to do the right thing. Cas keeps showing Dean that, while he is struggling and conflicted, he loves humanity and he wants to do the right thing. He just isn't sure what that is (4.07, 4.16). Dean understands that and it attracts him to Cas. Dean's conviction and bravery in standing up to Cas's superiors to protect humanity, in turn, attracts Cas to Dean. A Dean who does not fight and claw for the sake of love is not someone Cas would have grown to care for in the way our Cas does, and a Cas who never rebels is not the man Dean grew to care for either. Maybe in a coffee shop AU, they meet and Dean likes that Cas is a bit of a dork. But in the actual canon of the show, removing Cas's conviction and desire to rebel does not make him a neutral character who just isn't "useful".

The love that develops between Dean and Cas's has nothing to do with what one "owes" the other or how "useful" they are to each other because their connection was never about that to begin with. It's about common values and common love for humanity. You cannot remove either ones convictions and rebelliousness in canon and have the same story and the same characters revolving around one another with the same mutual respect and mutual understanding. Dean loves Cas for his personality, and also for his rebellion. Not because Cas's rebellion makes Cas useful, but because it is a reflection of Cas's values, convictions, and character in the world they both live in, where they are both asked to make choices that go against their convictions by forces of evil and choose to fight and claw for what is right.

Of course there's a lot to Dean and Cas's friendship. A whole 12 seasons of content!!! There are moments where I think Cas starts to feel like he only exists to be useful to others, but there are also moments where Dean feels like Cas just wants to use him too, or like Cas doesn't give a shit about him and considers him a burden or disposable. There's a strange urge in fandom to frame Dean and Cas's friendship as one where only Cas is ever left feeling insecure or hurt, and that is wildly false.

[hoboal87]

Don't Speak, Part 22

Pairings: dark!Sam x Reader, dark!Dean x Claire

Characters: dark!Sam, dark!Dean, pregnant!Reader, Claire, Ellen, Bobby, Adam

Warnings: dark!Winchesters, Trauma Bonding/Stockholm Syndrome, Non-graphic descriptions of Non-Con/Rape, Violence, Manipulation, Guilt, Threats, Pregnancy

WC: 3400+

beta’d by the wonderful, lovely, @writethelifeyouwant

This is a dark!fic that includes potentially triggering content and is intended for mature audiences only. You are responsible for your own media consumption, so please, read the warnings and if you feel that you may be triggered and/or offended please move along. If you have any questions about the warnings/tags please feel free to DM me.

Don’t Speak Masterlist

My Full Masterlist

Part 21

The sight of Adam nearly causes you to faint. You have hoped, prayed, that somehow he managed to escape–that he wouldn’t also fall victim to the brothers–and your heart pounds in your chest as you take in the sight of him. Old and new cuts and bruises cover every visible inch of his body, his eyes are sunken in, his skin taut, and he looks as if hasn’t slept or eaten in weeks. A ratty shirt that had once fit him properly is now held together by mere threads and covered in dried blood stains. But the worst part is the metal collar locked around his neck, connecting to his wrists and ankles. Adam’s gaze fixes on you for a moment, the ghost of a smile on his lips fading quickly when Sam tugs sharply on the shackles.

You want to run to him, apologize for ever bringing him into your complicated relationship with the Winchesters. You should’ve disobeyed John, especially now that you know that it wasn’t Adam who fathered your baby after all, and you were already pregnant when the family left in January. If you’d only waited a few weeks longer to fulfill John’s instructions, you could’ve saved yourself and Adam from all the pain that you caused by following those orders. You stop yourself from moving, especially when you realize that Sam’s eyes are narrowed in on you, as if he’s waiting to see what you’re going to do now that Adam is here. 

“Check her,” Dean orders, gesturing towards Claire, baby Amelia still in his arms. Adam doesn’t move, his eyes flickering to Sam, as if he’s asking him for permission to follow Dean’s instruction. What has Sam done to him? “Now, Milligan.” 

Sam nods, loosening his grip before producing a key, he unlocks the chains and Adam shuffles towards Claire. Dean hands the baby over to you, stepping back to Sam, who offers a hand to shake his brother’s in congratulations.

You rock the baby in your arms as Adam inspects Claire, taking in her tiny features. Though you knew it wouldn’t matter who fathered Amelia, you can’t help but think of the relief that Claire will have knowing that her husband is Amelia’s father. She’s the spitting image of Dean, plump lips and a button nose and large almond shaped eyes, irises already tinged with green. As the brothers share hushed words between them, you walk back towards Claire, shushing Amelia as she begins to stir. Adam offers a sweet smile to Claire telling her that she did well before giving strict instructions to stay on bedrest for the next week. He then turns to you, reaching out to take the baby from your arms. Your skin prickles under his touch and you lock eyes, and again you fight the urge to tell him how sorry you are. 

He gives Amelia a quick once over, the newborn wailing in his arms, and he gently shushes her before handing her back to Claire. 

“Your wife and daughter are both perfectly healthy,” Adam says meekly as he approaches Dean and Sam. 

There’s a snide smile on Sam’s face as Dean takes in Adam’s words. At first you don’t understand what Sam is finding funny; recently he’d been just as obsessed with heirs as John was. John had mentioned more times than you can remember about the brothers’ needing heirs. Legitimate male heirs. Mr. Finch’s words from months echo in your ears as though it was just repeated in the quiet room. 

Tell me you want me to put a son in you. 

“I guess that means the Manor is mine,” Sam snickers, a poor attempt at a joke that Dean clearly doesn’t find funny, and the elder brother puts his fist through the wall behind him. You back away from the brothers as a remark from Dean sets Sam seething, and he tackles Dean to the ground. Grunting and the sounds of fists hitting flesh fill the room as the brothers tumble across the floor. 

With the Winchesters occupied, you seize the opportunity–albeit a foolish one–and grab Adam’s hand. You guide him towards the passageway that you and Dean entered from earlier in the night, stopping briefly at the bed to place a kiss on Claire’s forehead and promise you’ll get her out, too. You instruct her to call for Bobby or Ellen before disappearing into the passageway. With the door closed behind you, you make for your and Sam’s room hoping that, once you get there, you and Adam can escape.

You quickly realize that it may not have been the best idea to use the secret passage, though. From your and Sam’s room, it seemed to be a straight shot, but what you failed to notice before is that there are multiple connections, and you don’t know which one leads where.

“Which one, Y/N?” Adam pants behind you.

“I don’t– I’m not sure,” you sob, cradling your stomach. This isn’t a good idea, you could end up quite literally anywhere in the Manor. “Maybe we should go back, if they don’t know we’re gone–” 

“I think it’s too late for that, Kitten,” Adam grabs your hand. “And I– I can’t go back. Think, sweetheart.” 

Each hall looks nearly identical to the other. If you’d paid closer attention before, you wouldn’t now be stuck in a labyrinth behind the walls of Winchester Manor. You fall against the wall, cursing yourself for thinking that you could get yourself and Adam out of here.

“I’m sorry, Adam,” you mumble. “This is all my fault. I shouldn’t’ve– If I’d told them the truth, Dean would’ve never–”

Adam sits down beside you, wrapping his arm around you gingerly and pulling you close to him. “It’s okay, Y/N.” 

You let out a deep breath. The longer you sit here, the greater the chance that Sam or Dean would realize that you’re trying to escape and figure out how you were doing it. If Claire was able to alert Bobby to the fighting brothers, there was a good chance they wouldn’t be able to get to her just yet. 

As your eyes adjust to the barely lit corridor, you see something on the adjacent wall– an SW and DW etched into it, and you decide that hall must be the one they used to sneak into the other’s room. You struggle to stand and Adam catches on quickly, rising himself before offering you a hand to help you up. You guide him towards the walkway, excitement filling you as you reach the door to Sam’s room, knowing that you and Adam are close to freedom.

“Y’know, every time I think we’ve broken you, you somehow manage to get just enough of your fight back to do something so fucking stupid, Y/N.” A voice makes you turn and you see a pistol pointing at you and Adam. Your heart stops. Sam’s sporting what looks to be the beginning of a black eye and has a slight limp as he takes a few steps towards the two of you. “I thought we were past all this, Princess.”

“It was me,” Adam steps in front of you, “I made her do it.”

“Is this true, Y/N?” Sam asks, eyeing you sternly while fixing the pistol solely on Adam. You’re torn, afraid that Sam might kill Adam if you go along with the lie, but even more afraid of what Sam will do to you both if you tell the truth. 

Adam turns his head slightly so that you can meet his eyes, and he gives an almost imperceptible nod, encouraging you to play along.

“Yes,” you mumble, and as soon as the word leaves your mouth, Sam closes the distance between him and Adam and hits him too many times to count with the butt of the pistol until the doctor’s body falls to the floor with a thunk. Angry red marks cover Adam’s face and a stream of blood flows from his mouth and nose. Sam uses his shirt to wipe down the pistol, staining it red, before stomping on Adam’s hand and then his stomach. He turns away, smirking as he disappears out of the room.

Adam’s face is swelling within seconds, and you drop to your knees, hoping and praying that Sam hasn’t killed him. You place your hand under his nose, breathing out a sigh of relief when you feel a faint breath against your fingers. 

“He attacked Y/N, Bobby, I had to stop him,” Sam’s voice carries from the hall. 

When you look up, you see Sam and Bobby entering the room from the main doorway. You can’t remember the last time you’d seen him or Ellen. 

“We need to get him back downstairs,” Sam urges, sounding rattled. 

“Are you sure that’s what happened here, Sam? ‘Cause from where I’m standing, it looks like you beat the tar out of him for no reason,” Bobby retorts.

“He’s been obsessed with Y/N for months. He’s the one who attacked her and Claire last year! If Dean hadn’t found them…” You’re not sure why Sam’s ability for lying comes as a shock to you. “Y/N, sweetheart, he can’t hurt you,” Sam reaches out for you, and helps you up, wrapping his arm possessively around your shoulders. 

“Why do you think I’ve been keeping her close? I couldn’t risk something else happening to her. He’s delusional, Bobby. You want to know what he told Dean?” Sam doesn’t wait for a response, plowing on in his tirade. “He said that he was our brother– that he deserved everything we had. That if we didn’t allow him to continue caring for Y/N and Claire, that he would make sure everyone in town knew about Joanna. I love Joanna like a sister; we couldn’t let her reputation be tarnished because dad wouldn’t allow Dean to marry her. You know no matter how much he discouraged it, they were sweethearts. Dean only sent her away because he thought it was what dad wanted, but dad included her in his will, Bobby. He knew that it was Dean’s child. And she and Henry should be here with us. Tell Ellen to bring her here.”

Sam is speaking so quickly and erratically that you can barely keep up. You haven’t seen Joanna since John’s funeral, and all you were told when you asked about her absence previously was that she was ill. You’d caught her and Dean in compromising positions more than once. Is that why she’s been gone? To have her baby in secret so that no one would know that she was unmarried and pregnant? To save herself and Ellen the embarrassment of having an illegitimate child? You watch as Bobby takes in everything Sam has said. 

“I might not be an educated man, Sam, but I ain’t stupid.” Bobby narrows his eyes. “I’ve known you your whole life–I practically raised you–and you think I don’t know when you’re lyin’? Your daddy paid Adam to watch over the girls and help ensure safe deliveries. And you’ve been keeping him locked up for months. You think Ellen and me can’t see the bruises, that we don’t hear the screams? You think that little of us, boy? You think that you can use us to keep covering up your and Dean’s messes?”

“I think,” –Sam steps forward, the facade of a man scared for the life of his wife and child dropped now, his voice lowering dangerously– “if you don’t do as you’re told…” He leans forward and you can no longer make out his words. Bobby’s face drains of color, his eyes wide, and his whole body goes stiff as Sam pulls away. “Have I made myself clear, Robert?” Bobby nods his head. You’d never seen Sam interact this way with Bobby, and whatever he said clearly has Bobby afraid for his life. 

“But you are right about one thing; Y/N and Claire, they’ll need someone to look after them while Dean and I take our next case. Take him to the servants quarters and tend to his injuries. Once he’s healed, he is only allowed to see Y/N under your or Ellen’s supervision. Is that understood? And I wasn’t just carrying on about Joanna. Dean and I will expect her and Henry moved in by the time we return. Now, get him out of here and send someone to clean up this mess.”

Bobby only nods, moving towards Adam and picking him up off the floor. A pained groan leaves Adam, and for a brief moment his eyelids flutter. Sam locks the door behind them as Bobby exits, and you’re not sure what to expect from him next. He stalks towards you, tearing off his shirt. You make a decision that you’re sure you’ll regret, and try to grab the pistol, but Sam beats you to it.

“I know it wasn’t Adam’s idea to escape,” he growls, grabbing your arm roughly. “But the fact that you let him take the fall for it–that was surprising. How do you keep managing to surprise me, Y/N?” Sam’s hand snakes up your back before grabbing your loose hair and yanking your head back. “And going for this?” he waves the pistol in front of your face, “was even more unexpected. Maybe I need to teach you another lesson,” he grunts with a pull of your hair, causing you to whimper.

“Please, Sam, I promise I’ll be good.” 

Sam moves you both towards the bed, and when the backs of your knees hit the mattress, you fall backward. He lifts your nightdress over your belly and exposes your breasts, the gun tracing your silhouette, and for a moment you’re afraid he might try to fuck you with it, but instead he sets it down after a moment, just out of your reach, and pins your hands above your head. He enters you roughly, giving you no time to adjust, and sets a fast and brutal pace. Your focus falls to the window as you wait for him to finish.

August

Claire is given a clean bill of health by Dorothy a few days later, and with that the brothers are gone. A weight is lifted off your shoulders, and you feel like you can finally breathe for the first time in months. Under Sam’s orders, Joanna is back in the Manor within a week and is assigned to be the children’s wetnurse and nanny. You, Claire and Joanna are all moved into the rooms closest to the nursery which now houses both Amelia and Henry.  A third bassinet sits empty waiting for your baby to fill it. 

Several new servants were brought in by Dean before they’d left nearly a month prior and according to him they were there to protect you, Claire, Joanna, and the children. You aren’t sure who Dean thinks you need protecting from, especially when he and Sam were the only people in the Manor who had ever hurt you, but you have to admit knowing that Dean is concerned about the well-being of all of you is heartening. 

Benny, the guard assigned to you, is nice enough, and for the most part gives you a wide berth. He’s larger than Dean but not as tall as Sam, and you can see why Dean had hired him. He accompanies you on your daily walks through the grounds and escorts you everywhere else in the Manor. Though you insist that it isn’t necessary, he maintains that he was given explicit instructions to stay by your side. 

For the weeks following you fall into a routine; morning walks with Benny, afternoons spent with Claire as she heals and the babies, and evenings exploring the Manor, you’d been there for so long, but hadn’t truly been out of the East Wing. Each week, Bobby receives a letter from Dean and the time frame of their absence is extended another week. Once one case is finished, the brothers would start working another one, and a part of you wonders if they ever truly plan to return back to Kansas. 

True to Sam’s word, the one and only time you’ve seen Adam since the brothers’ departure is under Bobby’s watchful eye. There was so much you wanted to say to him: apologize for getting him involved, not only once, but twice. If you hadn’t made a stupid and feeble attempt at an escape, and hadn’t let him take the blame, you’d both be better off. He hardly says anything to you, speaking mostly in two or three word sentences, before declaring you to be in good health. You attempt to follow Bobby and Adam when they exit, but to your dismay, Benny stops you, instead taking you in the opposite direction. 

There’s a knowing look on Ellen’s face when she enters your room the next day, ordering Benny to help himself to lunch, while you and she tend to “wifely” things. Once Benny has disappeared, she asks you to follow her, guiding you to a secret door that you’ve never noticed before, and you curse yourself for not realizing sooner that the Manor had to be filled with multiple passageways, linking more than just bedrooms. 

Ellen briefly tells you how to recognize which passage leads where and how you can use the secret corridors to go between the different wings of the house, pointing to one in particular that, according to her, might be of interest to you, and another hall that, if you were so inclined, would lead you outdoors. You don’t miss the implication of the information that she’s given you, but you know you can’t leave. Sam and Dean still need you. After your last night together–before they’d gone away–you were woken up to loving touches and sweet words from your husband that reminded you why you’d ever fallen for him in the first place. Beneath the brutality and the bouts of mania, there is a kind and sweet Sam that you cherish. If you could give Sam and Dean the son they both so desperately want, maybe things could change.

You know you need to cast Adam out of your thoughts. You can’t be a loyal wife to Sam and Dean if you also have feelings for Adam– you need closure. You could tell him how the passages work, and maybe he could escape. With the brothers extending their trip so much, he could be far away by the time they return. It was the least you could do for him. 

You consider for days when might would be best to try to find Adam and help him escape. You’re sure Ellen was giving you a clue as to where he was being kept, but you won’t dare ask her for more clarification. According to Dean’s most recent letter, the brothers aren’t expected to return for at least another week. The sooner you helped Adam leave, the more time he could have getting out of Kansas City, the state, or even the country if he so desired. You doubt the brothers thought him important enough to chase all over the world; he’d fulfilled his deal with John, there was no reason for him to stay to just deliver your baby. 

As the week comes to a close, you know you have to make a decision, and soon. After dinner is served that night, you and Claire spend the rest of the evening in the nursery, chatting and playing with the babies, before Ellen orders you both out so that she and Joanna can put them to bed, leaving one oil lamp burning as a nightlight for the children, as one of the new guards takes his place outside the nursery door.

Benny escorts you the short distance to your room, offering you a “goodnight, cher” as you close the door behind you. You’re confident that Benny won’t disturb you for the rest of the night, so you make the decision that tonight is the night to free Adam. You grab your own oil lamp from the beside, quickly filling it with the reserve kept in your room to ensure you had enough light to see Adam outside. 

You creep through the hidden door in your room and make your way down the hall Ellen had said would be “of interest”, hoping that you didn’t misunderstand her tone, and you wouldn’t be walking into something much worse than finding Adam. You’re not sure how long you follow the grimey and dim corridor, you hoped that you could maybe get an idea of where exactly you were in the Manor, but with multiple ones branching off you realize you could be anywhere.

Part 23

Feedback is fuel! Please tell me what you think!

[soullessjack]

SPN?

1) honestly jody and donna , i know they aren’t entirely canon but both actresses support the idea and that’s good enough for me ^_^

** secondary is jack/harper i LOVE them and we deserved to see more. #letjackfuck2k24

2) rowena and jack!!!! i see their dynamic as an aunt/nephew type thing and I love (almost) every time they’re together (omitting the time jack witch-napped her to bring back Mary). I wish we got to see more of them </3

3) Sam and Amelia. usually i can handle the show’s bad moments as enjoyably bad but season 8 was paint-drying levels of boring. Amelia was a bland nothing-burger of a character and the rest of Sam’s normal guy arc did absolutely nothing for him or the season

4) hmmmmm….. not sure I have one actually 🧐

5) JACK <3 my most special boy in the entire world i love him more than anything ever Even my other special interests and fixations 😭 he’s been deeply important to me for 7 years now and probably will be for the rest of my life!! I self-ship with him and plan on getting several tattoos for him and hopefully I’ll be able to meet Alex again someday :3

6) Lucifer/Nick, hands down. Lucifer stopped being an interesting villain to me around like S7 or so honestly, and every time he got brought back it just felt like such a lazy move from the writers or a painful excuse to keep mark on the payroll

7) something that should’ve happened…very broad question for this show. Destiel should’ve happened, a better finale should’ve happened, some deleted scenes and scripts should’ve happened, Jack being covered in more blood and maybe having a longer lasting ‘villain’ arc should’ve happened …many such cases

8) something that shouldn’t have happened…again, many choices, but to save time I’ll just leave it at Nick’s entire character. besides (see #6) he straight up shouldn’t be alive. Dean shot him in the head with the Colt all the way back in S5 lmao

9) hmmmmm……i think my entire blog is full of rare (if not downright unpopular) opinions, but if I had to choose one that is Extremely rare, I’d go with this one: Dean is one of Jack’s dads. As frustrating as his initial behavior is, he does grow past it, and he puts genuine effort into being a better mentor/father figure to Jack—not only because he does care about them, but also because he literally could not forgive himself for how he acted and wanted to make up for it as much as he could.

obviously they do have a very complicated and rough relationship, but that’s literally every other relationship on this show, and it’s kind of agitating that they aren’t given the same nuance or understanding that the others get—especially when half of the discussions surrounding it can be boiled down to “bad man mean to helpless baby” (which is another thing on its own but ill stop here). I don’t mean this as an excuse or apologia for Dean’s behavior, but when you consider that he’s a severely traumatized person with a relatively small support system and a canon tendency to verbally abuse/emotionally distance himself from people as a coping mechanism (literally what he had a breakdown over in Purgatory) it’s a little easier to understand it.

everyone is quick to talk about how he said “Jack’s not family,” but nobody paid attention to the fact that in the script, he’s mildly horrified at Jack agreeing with him (if you truly meant an insult, wouldn’t you’d want the target to agree?). or that after jack restores the world from chuck’s damage, Dean not only fully expects/wants them to go back to the bunker with them (IE continue living there) but he also literally fantasizes about buying jack a big screen tv and recliners for saving the world. so id love if the fandom ixnayed on the “uncle” shit. ironically the only one of TFW to actually be Jack’s uncle is Cas, biologically

alternatively for a rare opinion: i want jack kline biblically, carnally, horrendously, homosexually, expeditiously, and so on and so forth.

[shallowseeker]

eileen or rowena

This is the cruelest ask I've ever gotten.💔 How dare.

It should be clear by now that I'm partial to the MacLeods, especially their class struggles. Their lives were so bleak when they lived them. Rowena was left in a puddle of her own blood after giving birth. Crowley was tricked in an alleyway for his sexual insecurities and then tortured in Hell.

Like rats, they both kept fighting until they were temporary, tenuous Kings and/or Queens of the vermin. But even once they'd secured their respective thrones, everyone was dying to pledge allegiance to the "True Royalty" instead (Heaven, angels, princes of Hell, etc). We saw that even Rowena was struggling with insurrection in season 15!

And the tragedy is that when they choose ambition at the expense of everything else, they're doomed to lose, and that rocks my socks! It's a losing battle that burned Crowley out, and it's going to burn Rowena out, too. It's that old threat of nihilism that looms on the horizon, isn't it? The thing is, they're both deeply insecure and flitting from one strong protector to the next, barking loudly and pathetically posturing to cover up their own weakness. It's awesome. More than anyone else, they're both shown to want attack dogs, and their great mutual irony is that they consistently go after dangerous protectors that they cannot actually mold or subdue, no matter how much barbed innuendo or strongman-words they fling at them.

I think of Metatron's taunting to Hannah, that she wants someone, "Large and in charge." I think of Crowley going after Lucifer in season 12 in order to have, "A nuke in his pocket." You can't have something that powerful and also expect it to be an obedient automaton. You just can't. No matter how much you manipulate it.

Anyway, they consistently pick battles that they cannot win and bite off more than they can chew. When it comes to relationships, they'll sometimes posture, but also sometimes woobify themselves to try to cozy up to anyone who will tolerate them. Anyone.

///

I like Eileen. Eileen has the bones in her to be just as interesting as other mainstay SPN characters, and Shosannah is a superior actor of the highest quality, and she's one of the most athletic-looking hunters onscreen. (That lady is fast!)

That said, even her Hell arc is slept on, and how can a Hell arc be boring? It's boring because she didn't get to make enough mistakes. Eileen became interesting in season 12 when she accidentally shot a human and despaired over that mistake. She became interesting when she admitted to having major trust issues and a toxic mentor.

But the most interesting thing Eileen ever did was walk out of the bunker after her Chuck-induced existential crisis.

ON the whole, I need her to break Sam's heart a few more times in the sequel-I'm-going-to-sell-my-soul-for in order to place her in the Hall of Fame where she belongs. I need the scrumptious disillusionment and the complicated business of coming together as an imperfect partnership, that thing beyond the initial mooney phase of Charming-Acres-coded Margaritas.

To me, the fascinating thing about Eileen is that Eileen's bodily communication style stifles Sam's tendency to verbal vomit/overanalyze, and as a result, he opens up to her like a starved flower. It's a consistent opening, not just in regards to hunting and trauma, on a scale he does not do for other characters. They're dorky together. They cook together. That's so interesting to me! (Which is why I desperately need them to Break Each Other's Hearts and Disappoint Each Other and Disagree on Things.)

I want Sam to finally understand how uniquely difficult it can be when a spousal lover lets you down (he knows how it feels when family does it). I also want sequel!Sam to see how tough it is to strike that whole parental balance of safety versus independence with Dean Jr. It keeps me awake. I Think About It.

[holyfreaks]

Hi sorry to bother! But do you have any hurt!sam fic recs? Literally anything I feel like I’ve read all the hurt!sam fics and need help finding some more :’) no pressure if u don’t want to but I trust ur judgement and would appreciate literally any ficrec! <3

hi hi!!

okay I have a few in my bookmarks but I'm also always on the hunt for more hurt!sam fics so pls add more anybody <33 including self recs <33

I focus on the pain (the only thing that's real) by caranfindel

rating: M, graphic depictions of violence

words: 3k

summary: Dean has to perform field surgery on Sam. Oddly enough, things get complicated.

-> ok so this fic is EVERYTHINGGG, just delicious whump with dean knowing sam so so well (it is a gen fic tho)

break these bones ’til they’re better by redskyatmorning

rating: T

words: 18k

summary: After Sam’s torture at the hands of the British Men of Letters, the latest in a long string of violations, he is rescued by Dean and Mary – and forced to ponder his broken relationship with his own body. Months later, when Sam is resurrected and tormented by Lucifer yet again, Dean confronts Mary and Sam gets his revenge against the devil.

-> also a gen fic but beautifully done with looking into sam & marys and sam & deans relationships while sam is going through it

The Wail of Dying Stars by Lif61

rating: M

words: 2.8k

summary: Sam comes back from the Cage speaking Enochian.

-> loved this one, it's unfinished as of now but this idea is so so good to me and it's very well done <33

Love, Let the Poison Bleed Out of Me by Duck_Life

rating: T

words: 5.9k

summary: After being abducted and forced to drink demon blood by a pair of opportunistic witches, Sam is back with his family. As he prepares for another hellish detox, Mary decides she's going to ride it out by his side.

-> another great sam & mary fic with lots of hurt!sam <333

ahh these are all I could find that might fit what you're looking for im sorry I couldn't find more!! but thanks for asking and again anyone pls feel free to add more <33

[prettyflyshyguy]

S4 babey give it up for S4

I'm feeling bad today and the loser failboy Sam curse is still on me SO

liveblogging to cheer myself up

S4E3 - In the Beginning

(Cas sends Dean back in time and he meets his parents when they were dating. For context. Dean's mum has already made one passing comment, Dean made a passing comment, I'm fucking SWEATING)

DON'T BE FUCKING WEIRD

DON'T BE FUCKING WEIRD

DON'T BE FUCKING WEIRD

REJOICE

THEY WROTE A CHARACTER WHO DOESN'T INSTANTLY LOSE ALL THEIR DEPTH AND THEIR BRAINS FALL OUT OF THEIR HEAD UPON MEETING A WINCHESTER SIBLING

(Dean's mum is full committed to Dean's dad and we LOVE to see a happy healthy relationship we love to see it oh god I'm opinionated on how this show writes its women sometimes SOMETIMES)

-

I regret to report my enjoyment of this series is starting to DIP however I must continue as I REQUIRE KNOWLEDGE to write the fucking fic

I'm cursed with the disease of needing to cover all context, continuity, or at least have the knowledge so I can break it and rebuild it in a way that works, I don't want to Not Get a character and write them wrong, I need to reference the past, I need to pay homage

PRINCIPAL SKINNER????

I love Samuel. He's great.

Christ the entire winchester bloodline is just people selling something to a demon on repeat

-

S4E4 - Metamorphosis

Alright you can't give me an episode named like this and not pop off

do NOT disappoint me spn (I'm about to be dissapointed)

OH NAUR

SAYUM

(NOT APOLOGISING FOR THAT. YOU CAN LAUGH AT US FOR HOW WE SAY NO ALL YOU WANT BUT THAT'S HOW DEAN SAYS SAM WHEN HE'S AGITATED)

REAL FAILBOY SAD HOURS LETS FUCKING GO

In all seriousness this is a PHENOMENAL reveal scene on Sam's powers and Dean's response. I'm living for the tension. It fuels me.

"If I didn't know you I would wanna hunt you."

Going to be chewing on this line for the next month. Thanks. Thanks for this. Thanks.

Fuck you supernatural. Fuck you.

AND WE VIOLENTLY SHIFT TO THIS HAHAHAHAHA YES

Shoutout to the sound design team once again because every time this dude smashes food into his mouth it makes me want to start screaming violently (congratulations you've made the most triggering eating noises I've ever had the displeasure of experiencing AND I MEAN THAT AS A COMPLIMENT, ITS SO AWFULL BUT THAT MAKES IT SO GOOD)

Having very normal thoughts about this episode.

See if people had told me this show does the whole blood hunger thing as good as it does I'd probably have been on this years ago.

Who's doing this on the writing team. I need to thank them.

I don't have any intelligent words to describe this scene where Sam confronts Dean about (Sam's) insecurities over how Dean feels about him having demon blood, and the complications that brings to his life

other than to just post this

Thanks Supernatural this is good. This is really good.

HRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

FUCK YOU SUPERNATURAL

FUCK YOU

HOW FUCKING DARE YOU

UGH

Ok FUCK OFF that was a good episode

HUGE THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS AND OPINIONS ON THIS COMING AWAY

[just-a-bored-writer]

Between The Pages, I Found Your Heart | Crowley X Human Reader, Part 5

Gift for @orangegaytorade

You had devoted your studies, and honestly to this extent, your life, to the study of Judeo-Christian lore. You were one of the best in your field, a dedication of hours of work, blood and tears. And if your thesis advisor hadn't noticed, others had. Beings far older, far more powerful, whose existence you had studied but never believed were real. Oh but they were very real, and the King of Hell, in his war against Heaven and the Winchesters, would have great use for your knowledge. Knowledge was power after all and among mortals, you were the most powerful.

Fandom: Supernatural

Relationships: Crowley/Reader

Characters: Human Reader, Crowley, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester

Additional Tags: Reader-insert, Crowley-centric, Beauty and the Beast Retelling, Meet-Cute, (kidding Crowley kidnap the reader. there is nothing cute about it. don't try this in real life), Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Bickering as Flirting, Domestic Fluff, Late Night Conversations, Slow Burn, No Smut

Warnings: Canon-Typical Violence, Kidnapping, Mentions of Torture, Blood and Injuries, Blood Sharing

Set during Season 8 and 9.

Chapter 1 , Chapter 4, Chapter 6

Chapter 5: A Complicated Recipe Takes Time and Effort

After months locked up without seeing sunlight, you wondered how you hadn't died of a vitamin D deficiency. And you didn't pay much attention to your diet either, making quick meals so you could dedicate more time to your studies. You decided to play Crowley's game, hoping he would let you go if he got what he wanted. But at this point, your bad lifestyle habits would kill you before Crowley did, which would be a huge shame. Especially considering you had a new theory to share with him about the location of the Word of God.

Your relationship with Crowley had also changed lately, you had stopped trying to run away and hurt him in the process and he had stopped threatening you, which was doing wonders for your mental state. You still didn't like him, he had kidnapped you after all but you had stopped fearing him, stopped seeing his red eyes in your nightmares. The half-asleep conversation you had shared after you had raided his wine supply had helped greatly. You would have thought he would have hurt you for it, taken advantage of your vulnerable state but nothing of the sort. He had taken you back to your room, left an aspirin on your nightstand and made breakfast the next day.

Taking care of his investment, he had said. You didn't know how to feel about this new twist in your relationship but it was definitely preferable to being his prisoner. Obviously the best thing would be to not get kidnapped at all but you tried not to think about it too often. And you hated yourself for it but you couldn't stop regretting that Crowley had done it. But not for the right reasons. You regretted it because during the times when he wasn't being a massive asshole, you enjoyed his company. He was intelligent, brilliant even with a sharp mind, funny in a wicked way that you secretly adored and temptingly charming. 

And he had also traumatized you, threatened the people you cared about the most and the marks around your ankles had only just begun to fade. You couldn't forget that, you couldn't forgive that. So you hated him because it was easier than regretting him. And also because he made it easy by being a fucking psychopath who kidnapped you!

But your plotting  would have to wait, you were hungry and for once you were motivated to prepare a real meal for yourself. (And you didn’t want to spend another month chained like a dog.) 

You put the phone Crowley had given you – with parental controls to prevent you from communicating with the outside world, the jerk – on the counter, the recipe for a ratatouille provencale displayed and your favorite music playing in the background. There was internet connection everywhere in the house but you weren't surprised, it made sense that there would be wifi in hell. You placed the vegetables needed for your dish on the central island while you grabbed a cutting board from one of the highest shelves. You stood on your tiptoes and as you were about to grab it, an arm came into your field of vision and grabbed the cutting board for you. 

You held your breath, unable to ignore Crowley's sulfuric presence behind you, barely inches away. It radiated cold, making you shiver. “I could have caught it by myself,” you snapped.

“I know,” Crowley replied without moving.

You pushed Crowley out of the way and headed towards the central island, placing your hand on his chest and pushing firmly. Crowley followed you, settling into a high chair with a glass of wine in his hand. You ignored him and cut the vegetables starting with the eggplants, the knife cutting easily through the flesh in one smooth motion.

"I'm surprised you let me use knives," you said when you saw that Crowley had no intention of leaving. "Aren't you afraid I'll stab you?"

“I'd love to see you try,” Crowley smirked.

“If it's so that you lock me in the dungeons afterwards, no thanks,” you retorted. “You've traumatized me enough as it is.”

If your back wasn't turned, you could have seen the briefest of regrets in Crowley's eyes before he answered, charmingly. “I might do an expectation just for you, darling.”

“I feel truly special,”you assured him dryly, moving on to cutting tomatoes.

You placed a tomato on the cutting board but your knife slipped off the rounded edge and you nearly cut your finger. You brought your finger to your mouth, licking the tomato juice off it. But before you could resume your task, Crowley snatched the knife from your hands. 

“Hey,” you protested. “I thought I was allowed to have a knife?”

“Not if you're going to butcher the tomato and your finger in the process.” Crowley mocked. “Now watch and learn.”

Crowley snapped his fingers and you found yourself sitting in his place, your favorite glass of wine in your hand. Deciding to enjoy the moment, you relaxed in your chair, watching Crowley work. 

“So what did you do today?” you asked, curious. “What does the King of Hell even do? Terrorize the general population, inventory his suits?”

“Don't be stupid, I have minions to inventory my suits. They must be of some use considering how useless some of them are,” Crowley said. 

“I thought you had the greatest souls at your service,” you teased lightly. 

“Who do you think makes deals with demons? Smart people or stupid people?” Crowley asked rhetorically. 

“Desperate one,” you answered nonetheless, with just a hint of disgust in your voice.

The thought of taking advantage of someone's most vulnerable moment made you want to throw up, giving them hope only to take it all away ten years later. As if the souls of truly evil humans weren't enough.

“I can sense your judgment from here,” Crowley remarked. “Nobody forces them to make pacts.”

“No, but you don't mind either, do you?” you retorted, the fire you had forced down over the last months coming back at full force. 

“I won't lie to you and say no,” answered Crowley, shrugging. 

“You are truly despicable,” you spat. 

“It's part of my charm,” Crowley winked at you.

You scowled, biting the retort on your tongue and took a long sip of wine. It's not like you could change Crowley's mind no matter how much you wanted to. Crowley seemed almost disappointed at your lack of fight but you ignored him. He had already finished chopping the tomatoes but it seemed he was determined to finish the entire ratatouille. It didn't bother you in the least and you noticed with amazement that you trusted him not to poison your food. 

“Where did you learn to cook like that?” you asked curiously, watching Crowley perfectly wield the knife in his hands. If you were in his peace, with a plethora of star chefs at your disposal, you weren't sure you would have bothered to learn.

“I had some time to kill,” Crowley replied nonchalantly.

“And instead of torturing innocent people, you learned how to make ratatouille?” you asked with an eyebrow raised. 

“You understood perfectly, my dear,” Crowley answered. 

You knew what you were doing, you were buying time. You avoided telling Crowley that you had a lead on the location of the Word of God. Why? You didn't know. But you were strangely hesitant to ruin the somewhat peaceful moment you had found with Crowley. You liked discussing with him. But you weren't there to make friends with Crowley. You put your glass on the table, finally deciding to tell him.

“I have made progress in locating the Word of God.”

Crowley stopped his movement, the cut vegetables he was transferring to the pan spilling onto the counter. 

“Legend has it that these caves were created by Lucifer before his fall. It was one of the last places he visited and they are said to be untraceable. It could be a good place to hide the Word of God.” Now that you had started, you didn't want to stop until you had completely finished your explanations. “I also found this text about a demon named Azazel, one of Lucifer's favorites. The text was virtually untranslatable but it says that Azazel was an angel before he chose Lucifer's side and was banished to Hell. If anyone knows the location of these caves, it's him.”

“Or the one he considered his daughter,” Crowley muttered, typing on his phone.

But just as you expected Crowley to leave immediately to investigate this new lead and leave you alone, he put down his phone and picked up the cutting board covered in vegetables of all colors. You stood there silently for a moment, completely shocked.

“You're not going to go after Azazel's daughter or something? I thought you had plans for world domination,” you asked bewildered.

"I know exactly where that traitor is," Crowley replied without looking up from his task. "And I think I was in the middle of making you dinner."

Welp, it's starting. Crowley has clearly taken a liking to Reader, delaying his plans for world domination in favor of cooking them dinner and all that. I love this chapter, I love the friendly bickering between Reader and Crowley. So I hope you enjoy it too.

It's super interesting to write from Reader's point of view, there's a lot they don't know about Crowley, things Crowley doesn't tell them or half-tells them and I can't wait for the moment when they can both be honest with each other. And it might happen sooner than you think.

[the-stars-in-between]

DAY 3: Did You Get Me Some Pie?

Dean is going to die, Sam doesn't know what to think about it.

I think this story is one of my favorites, it was just so interesting to write. It was also a bit complicated, I wanted Sam to have an asshole vibe at the beginning but I'm not sure I succeeded. I also know nothing about the American justice system and capital punishment, I tried to do some research but it wasn't very conclusive. A bit of context for this story, it takes place in the Lebanonverse (I think that's the name) where John disappears in 2003 to go to the future. As a result, Sam becomes Kale!Sam and Dean is, we don't really know, a criminal, a hunter? Trigger Warnings : - Discussion of Capital Punishment - Major Character Death - Heavy Angst (That Shit Is Sad As Fuck) - That's It? Fandom : Supernatural (TV 2005) Character(s) : Sam Winchester Relationship(s) : Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester Words Count : 3,624 No. 3: SET UP FOR FAILURE Fingerprints | Wrongfully Arrested | "I warned you."

And this is hard to hear – performing at your best requires all of your mental energy. Every last drop. You see, it’s just not compatible with something like, uh… hobbies or, uh – or even having a family.

Sam slammed the car door behind him hard, drops of water falling from his hair onto the leather seat. He gripped the steering wheel in his hands, exhaling loudly. The rain fell heavily outside, hitting the roof of his car in a steady melody. It reminded him of nights on the road in the Impala, Dean humming in harmony with the rain, lulling him to sleep.

Back then, he felt like nothing and no one could touch him as long as he was with his family. Now, Sam knew it was his family that brought danger. It had been over fifteen years since Sam had last spoken to Dean, since he had refused to go with him to search for John. They didn’t even share the same last name anymore.

(It wouldn’t have been great publicity for a renowned lawyer like him to have such an obvious connection to a wanted criminal.)

Sam tugged at his turtleneck uncomfortably, pushing all nostalgic thoughts from his mind. Leaving Dean and John behind had been the right decision. Every wanted poster plastered with the face of the man Sam had once called his brother reminded him of that. He could never have accomplished what he had done today, his family would have slowed him down, prevented him from succeeding.

Sam meant every word he said during his conventions, performance, the pleasure of a job well done, nothing was more important. Everything else was secondary. And Jess had once agreed with him.

That didn't mean it was easy . But all the sacrifices Sam had made to get to where he was in his life had been worth it. He had the life he had always wanted as a child, the recognition of his peers, the pursuit of knowledge, the stability of a job.

Sam had no regrets about the choices he had made.

Sam ran his hand through his damp hair, brushing it away from his face, and turned on the engine. The radio automatically started, and Sam froze as he heard the last words of the news bulletin.

“The death penalty has been handed down for serial killer Dean Winchester, known for the mass murder of a dozen FBI agents in Monument, Colorado–”

Sam didn't hear the radio host finish their sentence, the blood pounding in his ears drowning out their words. He couldn't have said Dean . Sam would have known if he had been arrested, the whole country would have known. Dean had terrorized the United States for years. And it shouldn't have affected Sam, because he didn't know this Dean Winchester. He wasn't the same person who took care of him and protected him from monsters in the dark.

Really, he had no reason to change his perfectly established routine for a stranger, a criminal .

Dean and Sam Winchester didn’t know each other anymore.

Sam turned off the radio, the silence more brutal than he could have imagined. Sam was used to silence when the day ended, even welcoming it. It was synonymous with efficiency, tranquility, and security. He turned the radio back on, selecting a classical music program.

Starting the windshield wipers, Sam headed for his apartment.

Arriving home, Sam did something he hadn’t done since his divorce from Jess a few years ago. He pulled out a bottle of wine that a client had given him and poured himself a large glass. If anyone asked, he’d blame Dean. He sat on his couch, ignoring the urgent files waiting for him on his desk. If he was entitled to a night off, it was tonight.

Even after years, Dean was disrupting the life he had created for himself. Sam had fought so hard to get away from his family, but he felt like he could never completely escape them. But he had been right to do so. Where would he be if he had followed Dean? Probably in a nearby cell, also waiting to be executed.

In the distance, he could picture Dean behind bars—the one from the wanted posters, not the one from his childhood—his face blurred like an ancient memory, covered in scars, with a sharp smile and a glint of madness  in his eyes. Sam never could imagine himself being by his side. Whether they were face to face or thousands of miles away, those bars always separated them.

And now, they were going to be separated forever. Because Dean was going to die .

Logically, from the perspective of the frightened child who wanted to escape the monsters and his family and the monsters that were his family, this should have been a good thing. 

Sam wasn’t so sure.

Could he let Dean die? Could he let Dean live ?

Dean was a killer.

Years ago, Sam could have assuredly said that what Dean, John, and he were doing was a good thing. Now, he no longer saw the brother he had loved in the hardened features of the man on television. And a part of him thought it was possible that Dean had lost his way so much that he had actually committed the crimes he was accused of.

Blood was blood, and Dean had never known when to stop while there was still time.

Sam got up, unable to stand still when his mind couldn’t seem to stop meandering, and stood in front of the clear window. Below, darkness stretched over the city, hiding monsters and those who hunted them. Droplets of rain trickled down the glass, distorting the red and white lights of the city traffic.

Under the moonlight, the wine swirling in his glass looked like blood. Sam had been a killer too. And Dean had once been the one to wash the blood off his hands with all the devotion of a brother. Sam finished his glass in one go, red staining his lips and teeth.

Ignoring the late hour, he called his assistant. “Cancel my appointments on Monday and Tuesday, I have a… family emergency.”

XXX

Getting a last-minute visit shouldn’t have been this easy, but it had been for him . His name was synonymous with power, not the kind John would have wanted, but powerful nonetheless. Sam was capable of changing things, of making the world a better place.

A car with tinted windows came to pick him up and escort him to the prison, and after a pat-down that Sam submitted to without issue, he was issued a visitor’s pass. He left his black umbrella in the hallway and tightened his tie.

(It had been Jess—not John or Dean—who had taught him how to tie his tie. They were still just friends at the time; she had found him in the bathroom at the university, panicking before a meeting with his advisor. Gently, she had taken his hands and tied the knot for him, patiently explaining each step.)

(Jess and he were no longer friends.)

Fiddling with the two rings on his left hand—both for people he had loved, both now obsolete—Sam followed a guard through the unknown but familiar hallways. This wasn’t the first time Sam had gone to a prison to visit a prisoner. It was the first time he went for a personal reason.

It was the first time he went without the intention of getting the person he was visiting released.

The guard glanced at him every now and then, his face hesitant as if he wanted to question Sam. Sam’s commanding gaze made him turn back each time. Sam encouraged curious and eager minds, but not tonight . Not on this subject.

(This part of his life – the darkest part – was his. (Dean’s. John’s.) And if he wanted to forget it, to consign it to the furthest part of his mind and never think about it again… that was his right.)

(There was still time to turn back.)

They stopped in front of an armoured door, accessible only with one of the keycards the guard held in his hand. Behind the door was an airlock and yet another door, one that Sam could open freely this time.

Behind it was Dean.

(There was still time to turn around.)

"At your request, your conversation will not be recorded," the guard recited. "However, given the prisoner's security level, we ask that you respect the security instructions you have been given. Do you need them repeated to you?"

(There was still time to turn around.)

"That won't be necessary," Sam replied.

"Very well," the guard said, unlocking the door. "You have one hour, knock if you want to get out before the time limit."

(There was still time to turn around.)

"Thank you," Sam said politely, crossing the threshold of the door.

The door slammed shut behind him. It was a step, maybe two, to the next door. Sam forced his body forward, his hand hesitating over the handle.

(There was still time to turn around.)

"It's a little late for a lawyer, don't you think?" Dean scoffed as Sam opened the door, not even looking at who was entering the room.

(There was still time to turn around.)

"Sammy?"

Dean’s green eyes locked on him, a whirlwind of emotion—overwhelming and vivid—that Sam didn’t dare comprehend. But above all, hope . Dean laughed hysterically at the sight of Sam, as mad as the media portrayed him, but Sam couldn’t ignore the relief in his voice.

(It was time.)

Sam closed the door behind him.

“Don’t call me Sammy.”

The defense mechanism was automatic—forgotten but never gone, like the silt of a pond rising to the surface after someone threw a rock in it—and only made Dean laugh harder.

“Oh man,” Dean sighed, happy tears welling in his eyes. “I didn’t expect this.”

Dean had wrinkles now, and scars too. Sam knew that, he had seen them in pictures, but he never thought that time could have an effect on Dean.

"So, to what do I owe the pleasure of your visit, Mr. Campbell ?" Dean asked when Sam remained silent. "For someone trying to run away from his family, you're pretty bad at it. I didn't take you for a sentimentalist."

As he always did, Dean struck first. He had never known how to leave Sam alone. Always reaching out to him, dragging him along, forcing him to move on.

"Death row inmates get one last meal," Sam replied, putting a white plastic bag on the table.

But Sam had never let himself be pushed around, had always hit back, blow for blow - just like Dean had taught him - and his favorite pastime had always been wiping the arrogant smile off Dean's face. 

Dean's face darkened at that, the shadows on his face harsh under the industrial light of the prison. Sam wondered if he'd made a mistake. This wasn't the Dean he knew, his big brother, this was a stranger who shared the same blood as him.

(Dean was a killer.)

“So what? You’re here to get me out of here?” Dean’s tone was sharp, like he’d never stopped fighting, like he didn’t know how. “Because I’m afraid it’s impossible, even for you, Sammy.”

“No,” Sam sighed, pulling the chair in front of Dean, the metal scraping against the floor with a shrill thud. “No. I just wanted to… It’s been a long time.”

Sam was a brilliant lawyer and orator. He wielded words the way he once wielded blades, coldly, precisely, never missing his mark. People feared and respected him.

In front of Dean, he was a scared little boy.

(Leaving had been the right choice.)

"Sixteen years," Dean retorted with just a hint of reproach in his voice. "I see you've done well. Lawyer, that suits you well."

"And what about you?" Sam asked, not knowing how to behave around his estranged brother.

"Still in the family business," Dean grinned roughly. " Someone needed to take care of it after Dad disappeared."

"You didn't find him?" Sam asked surprised.

If anyone could find John, it was Dean.

A second later, it hit him. John was probably dead. Sam waited for his heart to clench at the news, for a weight to lift from his shoulders, for a tear to roll down his cheek. Nothing happened.

John was dead. Sam wasn’t sad, or relieved, or angry.

“ Oh .”

“Yes, oh!” Dean bit out, the anger unmistakable in his voice this time.

“I’m sorry,” Sam said, his words sounding more like a question.

Dean sighed heavily, running his hand over his face, the immeasurable weight of the years seeming to fall on his shoulders mercilessly. For the first time since he had entered the room, Sam looked at Dean.

Dean had hunted alone for a long time, without someone to cover his back, and it showed. His face was covered in scars, some still fresh, red-purple and blistered. A cut peeked out of his t-shirt along his windpipe, bloody and raw, and bruises dotted his arms under the tattoos and burns.

He looked tired. He looked ready to fight.

"What are you doing here, Sammy?" Dean asked. "Have you come to absolve me of my crimes? Have you come to beg for forgiveness?"

"I… I don't know," Sam confessed. "I just wanted to see you one last time."

“It's a little late for this, don't you think?” Dean laughed cruelly. “But it's not like you had sixteen years to do it.”

“Dean, please–”

Some truths were universal: Sam Campbell always won in court. There were creatures from your worst nightmares lurking in the shadows. Dean Winchester would do anything for his little brother.

“Okay, Sammy,” Dean agreed. His tone was kind but rough, as if without Sam by his side he’d forgotten how to be. “One last time for the road. I hope you got me some pie!”

Sam’s eyes flashed almost gold with mirth, coming to life for the first time in years. “See for yourself,” he suggested mischievously, pushing the plastic bag toward Dean.

Dean laughed again, with joy for the first time, and oh how he’d missed that sound. If Sam could live in one moment forever, this would be it, Sam decided. His big brother excitedly ripping open the plastic to reveal a supermarket pie, his smile aligning with his facial features in harmony, as it always should have.

“This is awesome ,” Dean said. “I haven’t had pie in months.”

Dean grabbed one of the plastic forks, the chains of his handcuffs clicking loudly against the table, and took a comically gargantuan bite.

“As delicious as always,” Dean said through his mouth full. “Would you like some?”

“No thanks, it’s—” Sam cut himself off, ‘ it’s too much sugar’, so what? “You know what, why not?”

Sam grabbed the second plastic fork and cut off a more reasonable portion before bringing it to his mouth. It was sweet , disgustingly sweet. Sam could feel the cavities attacking his teeth. He took a second bite. 

It tasted like his childhood. Sam ignored the sting of tears in the corners of his eyes.

“I’m not brushing my teeth and I’m going to die tasting pie,” Dean exclaimed with conviction.

“What?”

Sam’s hand froze in mid-air. Dean’s eyes widened in surprise.

“I thought you knew. It’s today,” Dean said gently, like he used to talk to Sam when they were kids. Dean cleared his throat, forcing all emotion out of his voice. “Today is the day Dean Winchester dies. For real this time.”

Sam put his fork down on the table, a knot tightening painfully around his throat. He felt like he was going to throw up his heart. Sam knew Dean was going to die. But not now .

(He thought he still had time.)

“It’s too soon,” Sam said, unable to keep the whining tone from his voice.

“I’ve been incarcerated here for almost a year,” Dean said. “It was a long time coming. There’s not a person here who doesn’t want me dead.”

( Me ! Sam wanted to scream. I don’t want you to die. But his words stuck in his chest along with his bleeding heart.)

“Escape then!” Sam exclaimed, slapping the table with the flat of his hand. “You’re a hunter, we’re trained to get out of situations like this.”

“You think I didn’t try?” Dean retorted. “They won’t let me escape this time. I’ve had about ten tracers injected under my skin since I set foot here. But I guess that’s what you get when you blow up a police station.”

Sam’s blood froze painfully in his veins. For someone who had desperately clung to the certainty that Dean was a killer, he had forgotten it pathetically quickly.

(The eyes Dean looked at him with—bright green and more alive than Sam’s could ever be—were nothing like the man on the television. Sam didn’t know which ones were real.)

“But you didn’t do it, did you?” Sam asked.

“If even you doubt me,” Dean laughed bitterly, “how do you expect me to tell the people outside that it was Lilith, the first demon who was trying to free Lucifer?”

“What?”

Sam was repeating himself tonight. The situation was slipping out of his hands at breakneck speed, the rope burning his fingers as he tried to cling to it with no results.

“You’ve been gone a long time,” Dean replied sadly. “But I don’t want to talk about that. Tell me about your new life, about Jess.”

Sam forced a smile as he watched Dean wiggle his eyebrows suggestively.

“We got divorced a few years ago,” Sam replied, swallowing painfully.

(His vision was still blurry through the tears.)

“Oh, shit, I didn’t know. Sorry Sammy,” Dean apologized.

“That’s… You couldn’t have known,” Sam stumbled over his words in frustration, hiding his face in his hand. How could Dean apologize for something as ridiculous as his divorce? Dean was going to die .“I’m sorry, I can’t.”

(He thought they still had time.)

Sixteen years of hard work and sacrifice were crumbling like a precariously erected house of cards in less than an hour in his brother’s presence. How weak he was, the powerful lawyer.

“Sammy,” Dean said, reaching his chained hand across the table to rest on Sam’s. “Everything’s going to be okay. It should be easy for you, you don’t even love me anymore.”

Dean’s joke—if it was one—fell flat in the dead silence of the room. Sam’s eyes filled with tears, silently streaming down his cheeks, burning like acid rain.

“I’m sorry I wasted so much time,” Sam whispered, biting back a sob. “I should have come with you.”

Dean stood, spreading his arms as wide as his chains would allow.

“Come here.”

Sam rushed to his brother, clinging to him like a lifeline in the raging ocean, a thousand-year-old, unbreakable rock. Dean closed his arms around him and Sam thought – selfishly perhaps – that Dean needed that embrace too.

“I’m proud of you, Sammy. For going and fulfilling your dreams. You have the life you always wanted, the one you fought for,” Dean whispered, a secret between him and Sam, the last one. “Don’t forget that.”

“I can’t do this alone,” Sam said, shaking his head negatively.

“Yes you can,” Dean replied, smiling sadly.

“Well, I don’t want to,” Sam refused.

Why was he realizing all this now? When it was too late to make a difference. If only he had done something sooner. If only he had left with Dean 16 years ago.

If only—

(He thought they still had time.)

Before Sam was ready to let Dean go, someone knocked on the door twice in quick succession. The knell tolled.

“Time’s up.”

Dean let go of Sam first, pushing him toward the door, the freedom and life that had been stolen from him—

It was Dean who had driven Sam to the bus stop when he left for Stanford. The ride had been in tense silence, neither of them knowing that they wouldn’t see each other again for a long time, for their entire lives. (Sam wondered if it would have made any difference.) But Dean had come.

– with his big brother watching him leave once again, Sam walked away, as scared as when he was eighteen.

“Sammy!”

Sam turned around (this time). He knew it was the last time.

“Can you come?” Dean asked. It was the first time he asked Sam something. Sam wished he had never asked. “I don't want to die alone.”

The tears on Sam's cheeks hadn't had time to dry before the guard closed the door, leaving Dean alone in the room, leaving Sam alone in the one next door.

XXX

Sam Winchester watched his brother die. He looked him straight in the eyes—bright green and full of life for the last time—never failing.

This was something the world would never know. Something that would haunt Sam until he died. Dean Winchester died with tears in his eyes, sugar on his cheek, and three words on his lips, spoken to his little brother through the window.

"I love you."

When Sam walked out of the jail, a few hours and a lifetime later, it had stopped raining. The sun was peeking through the clouds, a rainbow bridging the road as he started the Impala. A ghost settled into the passenger seat and the radio started.

Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole. Sam could make an exception this time.

Carry on, my wayward son

There'll be peace when you are done

Lay your weary head to rest

Don't you cry no more

They make me physically ill, why is it so sad? They haven't seen each other for sixteen years. Sixteen years! And when Sam finally realizes that he needs and loves his brother, it's too late. And if Dean hadn't told him it was today, Sam would have left without knowing that it was the last time he spoke to his brother. Like the two times before! They had so many chances and they didn't take any of them. And Dean. He watched his little brother leave him twice (three times if you count the time after John disappeared) because he knew that ultimately it was the best decision for Sam. Argh. I break my own heart.

[liamgallaghermpreg]

hi spike, happy wincest wednesday!

i'm asking everyone this question for this wincest wednesday:

how do you think the sexual/romantic relationship between sam and dean started?

happy ww kai!! i'm a post-in my time of dying truther (though always happy to entertain other headcanons about this). this got long, so:

@twochildreninamoteldemo talked about the full house of wincest earlier, and i'm gonna quote him here:

[...]the plot itself sets up the winchester family as this enclosed, inbred unit. mary’s kiss with her possessed father seal’s sam’s fate as part of azazel’s army. the sexuality she shares with her father makes her son’s blood diseased and cursed. the family line is tainted by incest. her kiss is what allows sam and dean to grow up that way, to become so codependent[...]

(they're referencing in the beginning btw) so anyway with this in mind i do think it was kind of inevitable! they already exist in this isolated space: as hunters (from civilians), but also from the hunting community (again i cite jo's diary and how she calls john 'uncle john' but sam and dean don't even know that she exists; many people know john who don't know his sons) – indeed, flowers in the impala.

i don't think they acted on any feelings while john was around because i think dean was way too tied (sexually, yes, but also dean was so in love with him no matter how messy that was) to john. and after the pilot – nothing drastic enough has happened to spur sam & dean to finally act yet, even though there's probably been something there for a while. sam, probably realized in high school and this definitely only led to him feeling more and more like an outcast; dean probably realized he had feelings sometime circa season 1.

john's death is such a good catalyst. they're both so emotionally messed up. dean's angry; he lost this beacon of light and his father and his first love and like, he just put so much of his own existence on john, and now he's gone. and sam...sam had such a complicated relationship with john too. and they're never going to have a chance to further that. and in that moment, they want so badly to be close to each other and it just...it just happens.

after that, i think the sex is fairly regular.

as for romance, i don't think either of them would categorize their relationship as such even though they're very much in love with each other (playthings and a very supernatural christmas come to mind). mostly because sam would never think dean feels that way about him and dean would never think he deserves sam like that. i've talked before about them being in an open, undiscussed situationship for a long while. while the romance is always there, i doubt either of them would take a moment to categorize it as such until the later seasons when they're playing bunker domesticity (or so i hear – i'm only on s8). but they definitely both view it that way: look at how ruby, lisa, amelia, and benny are all framed as one brother cheating on the other.

[voxofthevoid]

your thoughts on the other (popular) yuuji pairings? 👀

How many hours do you have 👀

I love too many Yuuji ships for my own good, honestly. But I'm not much of a multishipper, so everything else comes secondary to goyuu. Buuuut JJK is also the first fandom for which I've liked multiple ships enough to try and write more than just my OTP, so it's safe to say I like these Yuuji ships a hell of a lot.

Putting it under a cut because concision and I are arch-enemies. Also, I don't want to clog up the ship tags with my ramblings, so before you click through, know that this talks about nanayuu, chosoita, itafushi, and sukuita.

Caveat that I've read very, very few JJK fics, so I'll be talking mostly in relation to canon and my own writing.

Here goes, in order of adoration:

Nanami/Yuuji

Their canon dynamic is so good; I love how Yuuji's exuberance contrasts with Nanami's reticence, and more than that, I love how they're both intrinsically kind in a really similar way, even if Nanami's version has been tempered by the harsh realities of their world. Plus, it never gets old just how much Nanami lets Yuuji get away with—I mean, Nanamin, seriously. He protests once and then goes "well, guess I'm Nanamin now." Amazing. Predictably, Shibuya did unholy things to my poor heart. When the "You've got it from here" scene gets animated, I will lose my entire goddamn mind.

That said, I started out liking them platonically, but well, other than vertical incest, there's no relationship dynamic that's safe from my gremlin hands, so I wound up shipping them sooner than later. Specifically, I wrote a goyuu fic with a heavy focus on platonic Nanami&Yuuji and plummeted headfirst into shipping them, so now I've got like three different ideas that's a mix of nanayuu and goyuu. If I don't write at least one of them, someone should punch me.

Chōsō/Yuuji

Listen, brocon just comes very naturally when Chōsō is involved, and it doesn't help that sibling incest with fuckery potential has always lit up my brain (Sam/Dean from SPN, Vash/Knives from Trigun, etc.). What I like about their canon relationship is the...imbalance that's kind of there, especially at the beginning. Chōsō has family revelations after hallucinating one near-death-experience-induced (and Yuuji's NDE at that) picnic scene and is immediately ride or die, while Yuuji's just there going "???" He's treated complete strangers with more delicacy than he affords Chōsō when they're alone in Shibuya, which makes perfect sense given the circumstances and Yuuji's mental state at the time. And even once Yuuji seems to remember his "mum" and realize Chōsō is his brother, there's the distinct sense that Chōsō's attachment is a hell of a lot more intense and more explicitly connected to the blood relation, as opposed to Yuuji's usual warmth to an ally and friend. And that contrast of complete, immediate devotion and cautious, burgeoning affection makes me want to do unholy things to them both.

Which is why Chōsō is currently getting enthusiastically eaten and eaten out by Yuuji in my Word document. It's not even subtle as far as metaphors go.

Megumi/Yuuji

A friend described my thing for this as a "tiny, doting crush," and it's pretty accurate. Canon sells this pretty hard from the get-go, and something that struck me is that, a lot of the time when you have a shonen hero who's dragged into a new world, it's a female character, usually the future love interest/main heroine/first girl, that does it. In JJK, you have Megumi in that role—fun all over. Also, the narrative is highly consistent about highlighting both of their complicated feelings about their involvement in the other's current predicament. Their interactions are also interesting from the beginning, both the lighthearted moments and the heavier stuff. And the manga panel split between a freshly Sukunafied Megumi and a very horrified Yuuji remains one of my favorites.

Thing is, since canon feeds me pretty well in terms of this ship, I don't feel much of an urge to read or write it. I have one(1) idea that's a mix of goyuu+gofushi+itafushi+goitafushi (it's...complicated), but it's pretty low on the priority list.

Sukuna/Yuuji

I'll be frank: I want to like this ship a lot more than I actually do. And that's mostly because Sukuna is a bit hit-and-miss for me. There are parts in the story where I've loved him and parts where I wanted to step on his face—not in the fun way either. And ever since he took over Megumi, I've been in "step on his face" mode. Their canon relationship appeals to me mostly because Sukuna brings out a side of Yuuji that only Mahito has managed, and their scant interactions while sharing a mind and body were pretty interesting. The blend of hostility and humor was nice, and I kind of like that there's pretty much zero chance of it getting resolved like with, say, Kurama and Naruto.

Anyway, I do see a lot of potential in this ship for hate sex, except what I'd like to see is a very specific dynamic that I haven't been able to find—and one that's complicated enough that I'm not sure I could write it either. I might try some day, especially if inspiration strikes.

Thanks for asking, anon ❤