#this sad man with trust issues has been on my mind for longer than should be legally allowed

[thedaslut]

You know what kills me about Solas' relationship to the Inquisitor? How after Faded All New For Her you can tell him he doesn't have to face this alone next time, and he says "It has been so long since I could trust someone. I'll work on it, Inquisitor." Because I genuinely think he did, work on it I mean. I think he did sit down and think "maybe it is possible. Maybe I can trust them, trust this world." I think thinking about it is what made him decide to tell a romanced Lavellan the truth, even though he got cold feet at the last moment. And that just gets me.

[polyhexian]

Thinking about the emotional rollercoaster that is Hunter and Jasper's newfound developing relationship after Jasper's no longer dying of infection and everything's come to light. Hunter now knows the truth, but can he HANDLE the truth? He was already having, like, seven ongoing crises, and now he has THIS on top of them. He's just learned about a dozen new things he gets to be angry over!

Your approach to writing Hunter's trauma recovery has always been very raw. I like a good saccharine hurt/comfort fic as much as the next person, but I really appreciate the raw approach, too. Recovery isn't perfect, it can be ugly and uncomfortable and painful, and you've never shied away from that. So I'm thinking of a still-reeling-from-Hollow-Mind Hunter, freshly dumped in another dimension with his weirdo stalker who turns out to be the father he'd just gotten used to thinking never existed, and I'm looking over at Agony!Hunter and Lament!Hunter for comparison and wincing.

I commented on another post about how I feel like Hunter would WILDLY vacillate between "you should've just kidnapped me by force!" and "yeah I was definitely super brainwashed and would've run back to tell Belos everything first chance I got" for the first…however long it takes for him to come to terms with this. But I can also see him lashing out at Jasper, like, here's some of the awful things Belos did to me, I hope that telling you about them makes you hurt because I feel like you abandoned me and I'm angry. But then that eventually goes in the complete opposite direction, like, I'm not going to tell you about what horrible memory gave me nightmares tonight even though I'd feel better if I did, because I know you love me and you were trying your best and you've been hurting every day for 16 years while you tried to get me back, and I don't want to hurt you more.

Jasper just…trying to get his kid to talk to him if he needs to. Probably at some point when Hunter's clammed up Jasper has to open up a bit himself like, look, nothing you could say is going to surprise me, that man gave me more opportunities to look at my insides than I want to remember; I'll be angry and sad about what you went through, but I've spent 16 years thinking about what he might have been doing to you and trust me, nothing you say is going to send me into a horrified shock response. Maybe he's reluctant to talk about his own experiences much because 1) Remembering sucks, and 2) He doesn't want Hunter thinking he's trying to upstage his pain, but like…they have adjacent trauma from the same abuser, they're gonna understand each other on a wavelength most other people won't get.

I do feel at the very least though Jasper would nip whatever personhood-related crisis Hunter might be having in the bud. Nope, nope, none of that; it took me 12 years to figure out I was a real person with feelings, and I didn't bargain with Belos to convince him to allow you the privilege of thinking you're a person just for you to start questioning it because you found out you're part vegetable. You've got 16 years experience of believing you're a person, that's a fantastic foundation that you should NOT take a sledgehammer to. Are we real people? We damn well BETTER be after all the work I put into figuring out emotions! Maybe this is like, the one thing Jasper really puts his foot down on. He's fine if Hunter's angry at him or if Hunter never forgives him or whatever, but he absolutely draws the line at Hunter thinking he might not be a real person.

Probably doesn't help that the whole situation is likely compounded by Hunter's guilt that oh, all his friends had to leave their family behind and are super worried about them, and he just GOT his dad back but he can't even be grateful about it?? What kind of horrible person is he??

And later on, when they've progressed past the worst of the anger, and Hunter has realized that yeah, he really does want a relationship with his dad. Then his issues of self-worth and believing love is conditional come into play.

I'm imagining some point where they're having a quiet conversation, maybe on the couch late at night. Maybe it started with Hunter asking why - why did you even care, why were you so willing to die for me when you barely knew me for two minutes. And Jasper is like I don't know, I just did, but that's not good enough for Hunter so he keeps talking. He talks about growing Hunter, all the work he put in and the attention to detail, about how excited he was, how he'd quietly talk to the planter box and spill out what he was only starting to realize were real feelings, about how he'd put his finger in Hunter's little palm and feel his heart stutter when his hand closed around it.

And Hunter listens to all of this in silence, watches Jasper smiling at the memories while he speaks, and he starts thinking about himself. About how he's never been able to maintain Belos's approval, how he's never been able to impress the coven heads, how he's just a half-a-witch who's never been anywhere near as powerful as Jasper is, how he's never been able to beat the Martlet in combat, how he's got so many punishment scars, how he's been such an awful, ungrateful brat these last few weeks to this man who loves him so much; love is conditional and Hunter has done nothing to earn Jasper's love and he probably needs to figure out how to fix that before he loses what seems to be a good thing, except his failures are many and his debt to Jasper is enormous and there is absolutely no way he will ever be able to impress or repay this man.

Jasper is still smiling into the middle distance as he says something about how badly he wanted to meet Hunter and how curious he was about what kind of person he'd be when he emerged.

Hunter feels a rock sink in his stomach, and very quietly says, "Sorry for the disappointment."

And Jasper blinks and looks down at Hunter, pure confusion on his face, and asks, "Why would I be disappointed?"

ahhHHHH

jasper completely blindsided by this. he doesn't have the proper experience with hunter's self worth issues yet to expect stuff like this, its just fully like. what?? disappointed??? when did i say that?? did i make it sound like that??? shit im doing a really bad job at this i guess. but also like. disappointed?? how could i ever be disappointed? you're alive! you have friends! I'm so happy! this is everything i ever wanted! and hunter is like no, i mean, disappointed by me and what i turned out like, i'm not nearly as brave or loyal as you, im a coward. and jasper is just floored. like ???? no! you are so smart and creative and kind and you are brave! what are you talking about??? you're a great kid! cue hunter bursting into tears

[thisisyourprincipalspeaking]

Love your questions! I’ll place your questions to me in pink! 😉

why do you think he couldn't go down that kind of career path otherwise? (i have my own thoughts but i'm interested in yours)

- I think many of us have witnessed the multiple insecurities this man has unintentionally let everyone know he battles. Anyone belittling themselves in a “joking” way multiple times is very telling. Being confident isn’t arrogant, but talking down on yourself all the time shows insecurity. I believe he’s scared and I know he deals with anxiety issues so I can only hope he works on himself, seeks counseling, etc to reach his fullest potential one day. He’s very talented but his fans can’t want more for him than he wants for himself. As so many have stated, from our limited perspective, it’s like he said screw improving his craft and personal development and went straight for a perceived “easy” route. FAIL!

in your opinion has this been beneficial in that way thus far? or would he have had the same recent opportunities regardless of his relationship status?

- this is hard to say because as we all know or can assume …..being successful in Hollywood isn’t about sole talent unless you are top tier talent level wise, thus you don’t have to resort to silly pr stunts, but as time goes by even some of the most talented are resorting to pr related things just to stay relevant. I will say that when it comes to getting roles THAT is where I think it’s not as easy as many like to believe. I don’t know if Chris panicked, thought this was a good business move, had his agency persuade or threatened his career, studios didn’t see it for him outside of Marvel, etc. (all assumptions of course). I just know when award season draws near, many single stars who are in top related or relevant projects……magically gain significant others around award season and I don’t know Hollywood’s unwritten rules, but I think it’s sad that their personal lives become part of deciding if something, that should be solely based on talent, is obtainable for them or not. The fact Chris and her magically popped up around award party season doesn’t leave my mind either.

Now where would he be currently had he stayed single or kept his private life……ACTUALLY private. Idk. What I do know is popularity wise he’d be in a much better place and maybe that would have helped Jinx or ASP or whatever else he’s promoted the past few years. Now majority of the fandom quit or barely care and he’s got a slew of projects coming out that could be great or bomb and if they bomb, no telling what may happen regarding this shitfest, but by that time this fandom may no longer exist. 🤪

do you feel like there hasn't been enough time for this to show fruit just yet and we will potentially see more later?

- at this point, I see no benefit. He/his team dropped the ball big time. If this is real, there should not have been any trolling, 7482893 of irrelevant articles, orchestrated pap shots, mess, etc he simply could have posted her to his IG grid, turned comments off and went about his business. Ironically this would’ve given them more attention, appeared natural than the Central Park horror show they used to debut this mess. He had a great position and huge fanbase, well large enough to get him trending with every post. Too late now though unless they end this, disassociate from her but again they are “married”: she’ll be known as his first wife unless they have a plan to make this disappear 🙄 and regroup his career, but even then the trust is broken. They instead squandered that and whatever benefits he had or has just seems wasted. I still refuse to believe this isn’t a pr stunt because you can’t tell me a bunch of adult collectively thought THIS was the best option to debut his personal relationship if legit. Too much crap has happened even with two “weddings”. It either shows his team is incompetent and since he’s in charge that means he agreed to this mess or CAA has more power than we know. Either way Chris comes off as the complete opposite of what everyone has come to love/like him for.

- Will this ever end, not sure maybe not for a long while or not at all. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I will say anything can happen at this point so I’d just suggest those heavily invested in this just walk away until this ends or is confirmed to be legit in a way I refuse to waste time typing. But even if this never ends, I don’t see Chris returning to his once loved and respected status among fans nor the general public. Even if the age gap were the only issues, he shows he has issues. A mature man isn’t marrying a twenty something yr old, period. He’s lucky the general population isn’t aware of EVERYTHING His fandom is aware of …..but maybe this would have needed sooner if the backlash was that dire and huge.

I expected better from this man, but this is also a huge example as to why we shouldn’t place expectations on other humans let alone ones we don’t actually know nor should we put them on pedestals which is why Hollywood thrives unfortunately.

Hope this answers some stuff, just my random thoughts & opinions, fell free to ask anymore questions. 😎☺️

thank you for coming back and answering my questions, nonnie. i do agree with you on some points.

i do think celebrities can hide their true selves when needed. and we have seen some celebrities do this for long periods of time over the years. but i also will not give leniency to a celebrity, with lots of money, access and the ability to get help (therapy) if they want it. many many people have anxiety, depression, or other mental health concerns and function every day. he has anxiety? okay. but that is not a crutch i will give him as a multimillionaire who chose his path and has money for therapy, treatment, physicians, etc. many others do not have that luxury and still go about their daily lives.

one reason i can see this being "real" is because of how messy it is. her friends are trash and troll. that's obvious. she's lazy and gets access to many rooms more talented, more hard working, or more accomplished actors don't because of this association and she's done nothing with it. if it's real, his team didn't get a say. they just got told to make it known to the public and make it look okay. if that's what happened. okay. there is no professional on earth who could work with this scenario and make it look okay.

but thank you, nonnie. i do enjoy seeing your thoughts! please come back any time!

[gale-gentlepenguin]

ML Fic: Soulmate Survey Part 38

Sorry for the delay. Real life gets out of hand. But here it is! The antepenultimate chapter.

Shout out to @asongeverlasting for beta reading for me and making sure I actually got this out.

Check her writing out on AO3 as Ramblingwren

(Master post)

(Read the fic in a more condensed on Ao3)

(The latest chapter will be up on there once this reaches over 500 notes on tumblr)

Hope you all enjoy

_____________________________________________________________

“I shouldn’t have let her go out there.”

Fu watched the school nurse, Angela, fret as she paced back and forth.

“I understand your concern, but I believe that it will all be alright. Ladybug and Chat Noir haven’t failed in handling an akuma yet,” he explained. “The girl will be okay.”

The nurse stopped pacing.

“I appreciate your optimism but… I am really not used to this,” She said as she gestured to the air.

Fu blinked at the statement.

“Oh?”

“This! This whole thing! Super villains that appear whenever someone gets sad, teenagers with superpowers! This is all new to me! I just moved to Paris a month ago from the countryside. All I wanted was to further my education and get work in the medical field. It… It boggles my mind that everyone in this city is so okay with all of this! Even my new boyfriend Curtis is able to shrug off an akuma attack like a sudden drizzle. This isn’t normal!”

The guardian could tell the young woman was distressed, and he couldn’t blame her. In a way, he envied her. This was all foreign for her, but to him, this was his entire life.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to blow up like that. I've had a lot to deal with, and this whole situation is just so…”

Fu moved to her and helped her sit down.

“It’s alright, this is by no means a good situation. Your concerns are very understandable. I can tell that deep down that your frustration and fear come from compassion and empathy. You will make a wonderful doctor one day.”

She took a deep breath.

“Thank you. You have no idea how much I really needed to hear that today.”

“How about I teach you a medication technique that will help you calm down?”

“Meditation? I'm not really one for that kind of stuff.”

“If one wants to be a doctor, being able to calm down and handle an emergency situation is a must.”

The school nurse agreed that he had a good point, and that this may help get her mind off of things.

“Okay, I guess I'll give it a shot.”

Fu smiled.

“Good. Let us start simple. Close your eyes and put your hands together.”

Angela felt the action was a bit odd but complied.

“Now, take a deep breath. Count to 5 in your head and then breathe out.”

She took her breath and followed the order.

“Whenever you feel a thought come to your head, simply picture yourself putting it out of your mind and into a bucket.”

She tried her best to comply.

As she did this, Fu moved behind her and quickly pinched a nerve on her neck, causing the young woman to seize up for a moment before losing consciousness.

“That will help her relax.”

He carefully moved her to the cot and laid a sheet over her like a blanket.

Once it was clear that she was asleep, a turtle kwami flew out of hiding.

“So, what do we do now, Master?”

Fu took a moment to consider.

His plan was already in motion. Ladybug and Chat Noir had plenty of allies to help fight the akuma. All that needed to be done was to sit down and wait.

But as he thought about it more, he couldn’t help but think that he should go in personally. It was what he'd initially planned to do with akuma, after all. Listening to this young woman’s fears made him really see how his inaction has led to such fear and uncertainty.

For once, it was time for him to go on the offensive.

“Now we head out and find this akuma.”

“Master, you already sent out three miraculous. Let the other heroes handle this,” Wayzz insisted.

“The people of Paris should not have to become used to this. I have been far too lax with this situation. Right now, Ladybug and Chat Noir are facing their most dangerous akuma yet. For decades I have always remained passive in order to avoid making another mistake, but I have already made so many with my inaction. It's time I stop letting my actions be dictated by fear.”

“But Master, you can’t transform! Your body is too old to handle it!”

“Fear not, Wayzz. I have been exercising and restoring my vitality with the techniques of the guardians. By my estimation, I should be able to maintain the transformation without too much issue for 10 minutes,” Fu assured.

“That is not a lot of time, Master!” Wayzz pointed out.

“True, but it is better than nothing. We will head out and wait for the moment we need it. Be ready, Wayzz.”

The old guardian started heading to the door.

“But Master, what if you get captured? What if the akuma does succeed and you are unable to step in?”

Fu paused at the door.

“I know you are concerned for me. I appreciate your care. But I need to go out there. I have lived a long life, Wayzz, far longer than most humans. One day I may not be here to be the guardian.”

Wayzz felt a pang of sorrow hearing his Master talk about how he would no longer be around.

“But that’s okay. I know that when that time comes… I have two young heroes that will be ready to stand up and fight. The best thing an old man like me can do is pave the road for them.” The guardian said with certainty. He went to open the door.

“Fu…”

The old man stopped. Turning around, he saw the turtle kwami he had known for most of his life smile at him.

“I know you think of yourself as a failure of a guardian… but Su Han and the others were wrong. You are a great one. You are the most caring guardian that has ever held the title. And I will be by your side to the end.”

The old man felt his eyes well up at the sweet comment.

“Then let’s go, Partner.”

___________________________________________________________________________

The dragon heroine grabbed the confused snake hero and moved him to the closest room before closing the door.

“Okay we should be safe here,” she said as she looked over to her comrade. It was clear that Viperion was still very confused. It did not help that both his and her miraculous were beeping. They didn't have much time.

“Thanks… ummm,” Viperion started as he tried to rack his brain for a name. Part of him felt like he should know her. But his mind is blank.

“Ryuuko. You can call me Ryuuko. And you are Viperion.”

“Okay… weird name for me, but I guess it works.”

Ryuuko realized that the bubble Viperion had been put in wasn’t just to keep him frozen in place. One of the side effects must have been leaving him without any memory of who he was. Had her partner been aware of that risk when he took the bubble for her? She couldn’t know for sure. But right now, she needed to focus on the task at hand. Shehad to take charge since her partner was out of sorts.

“Okay, 'll try to explain this as quickly as possible.”

“Your real name is Luka. But when you are in your hero form, you go by Viperion.”

“Hero form...”

He looked down.

“Well, that does explain the costumes. I thought it was some sort of weird costume party.”

Ryuuko decided to ignore that.

“Okay, so I'm a hero. And you're one too?”

“Yes. We are both heroes picked by Ladybug to help her fight villains. Right now, we're fighting a bunch of them, and you got your memory wiped by one of their attacks. That’s why you are confused. Any questions?”

The boy took a moment to look himself over and then look at her. This was a lot of information to take in. Ryuuko was half expecting him to call her crazy. Which, given how bizarre the circumstances were, she wouldn’t blame him.

“Okay, I think if it was anyone else telling me this, I would have called it a load of bull. But… I don’t know why but I feel like I can trust you. You sound sincere,” Viperion responded.

“Okay great, now let's…”

“I still have a few questions.”

Ryuuko sighs.

“Look, we really don’t have much time. We need to hurry and get out there to help…”

And just before she finished the statement, both of their transformations wore off. Revealing their civilian forms.

“Oh no.” Kagami muttered in horror.

“What happened? Where am I… What am I?” The snake kwami questioned as he looked at himself.

“It appears that Sass was also impacted by the amnesia.” The dragon kwami that popped out of her necklace commented.

Luka stared wide eyed at the creature.

“Are you a snake?”

“A snake? I suppose?”

“A snake with limbs? That is very rock and roll.”

The two fistbumped. Thankfully they seemed to get along.

Longg looked at them.

“This is quite a predicament.”

“We need to hurry back in. Longg! Bring the….”

“Hold on a moment. Both Sass and I will not be able to do that yet.”

Kagami stopped.

“How come?”

“We need to refuel. The energy of transforming AND using our unique powers drains a lot out of us. We need some food to continue.”

“Food… Okay.”

The snake Kwami grabbed his stomach.

“I find myself rather famished,” he commented.

Luka looked at him.

“Let me see if I can help you out.”

The teen took off the backpack he was wearing to go through it. Thankfully there was a bag lunch in there. For some reason he felt that was important. But decided that if it could help the little guy out, he was sure it wouldn’t be a big deal.

He opened the bag lunch and pulled out a bag of apple slices. Opening it to grab a piece.

“I know snakes usually are carnivores, but how about some fruit?”

“Ooo! It smells divine!”

Luka handed the floating kwami a piece of the apple.

He takes a bite.

“Oh! It's delicious! Juicy and sweet!”

The snake quickly devours the apple piece.

As that happens, Kagami looked through her bag.

“I don’t have fruit but I do have some onigiri. It was my afternoon snack… but since this is a dire situation.”

“Rice? Yes please!” Longg exclaimed as he dive bombed right into the delicious rice ball.

“It’s Umeboshi, it’s not to everyone’s taste but It is one of my favorites.”

“It’s the most delicious thing I have ever eaten. The sour plum really brings a new dimension of flavor.”

Kagami smiled a bit at her kwami companion, happy that she could help.

The two Kwami finished their food and were ready for action.

“Okay, Sass. You need to help Luka transform.”

“Sass? Is that my name?” the snake inquired.

“So, he helps me transform into Viperman?”

“Viperion, and yes,” Kagami responded.

“All you need to do is say. Sass, Scales Slither. And to activate your special power just pull your bracelet back and say second chance. Then pull it back when you want to use it. But be sure not to use it right away,” Longg instructed.

“Okay seems easy enough. Are you okay with this?” Luka asked as he turned his attention to his snake pal.

“The floating horn snake seems fine with it so I say let’s give it a try”

Longg decided for the sake of his friendship with Sass to ignore the comment.

“Alright! Let's do this!” Kagami exclaimed as she prepared to transform.

“One last question.”

Kagami was starting to get antsy. She wanted to be back out there fighting. But she held back her annoyance, considering how he sacrificed his memories for her.

“Make it quick, we need to hurry.”

Luka scratches the back of his head.

“Are we a couple?”

If Kagami was drinking water she would have done a massive spit take. Her cheeks turned red.

“What?!”

“You know… together? You seem to know a lot about me, and I just feel this connection... like I can trust you even though I don’t remember anything. I don’t know how or why, but I feel like you matter to me.”

Kagami’s eyes went wide at the comment. It felt surprisingly bold of the musician to say. She had to admit that the statement made her heart skip a beat.

“No, we had just recently become friends.” Kagami responded.

“Oh…” Luka was saddened by the response.

“But, I have thought about the possibility it could be more than that one day," Kagami continued. "But that is something to discuss when you have your memory back. Maybe.”

The fencer felt her mind scream at her.

‘WHY DID YOU SAY THAT! Well, at least he won't remember.’

Luka smiled at that.

“Well, that must mean I must be a good guy, if I could have such a great friend like you.”

The teen prepared himself.

“Alright then! Sass! Scales Slither.”

The musician shifted into his hero form.

“Let’s go save the day.”

Kagami looked at her hero partner and smiled.

“Longg, Bring the storm.

______________________________________________________________________

“Well, that might be a problem.”

Chat Noir and Ladybug looked to see a stone giant guarding the front door of the classroom. The two had hidden just out of the goliath’s view.

“Any ideas on how to take down Mount Akuma?” Chat Noir questioned.

Ladybug looked at the giant from their hiding spot and began formulating a plan.

“Stoneheart grows bigger when he gets mad. These akuma aren’t really able to express their emotions. That means we don’t need to worry about him getting bigger. We just need to find a way to incapacitate him.”

“We could ask Mayura,” Chat Noir pointed out.

“We could ask… wait WHA…”

Chat Noir covered his partner’s mouth and ducked down.

“Shhhh! She’s right there,” Chat Noir hushed.

Ladybug removed the cat’s hand from her mouth and looked from the spot to see that her partner was right. Mayura was in the building!

“She actually showed up?” Oh, this is a lot more serious than we thought. Hawkmoth is really playing it serious with this one.”

“To the butterfly man’s credit, he really has been throwing out some tough ones.”

“I will not give our worst villain credit for anything except this headache,” Ladybug retorted with annoyance.

“So, what do we do? Mayura is in the building and she is talking with the giant.”

Ladybug felt like the situation couldn’t get worse.

“Not so fast, Feather Freak!”

Ladybug recognized that voice.

“Chloé?”

Chat Noir and Ladybug glanced to see a familiar blonde strutting down the hallway. But their expressions of shock shifted to bewilderment when they noticed what she was wearing.

“So are you and that purple fashion blunder here? Or is it just you? I am guessing it's just you. Your boss doesn’t really like to show his face unless he thinks he is sure to win. No wonder Ladybug always kicks his…” The bee themed heroine confidently quipped.

“Queen Bee. Now that is a surprise. I thought Ladybug was done giving you a miraculous.” The peacock villainess commented. She had no interest in dealing with the bee heroine at this time.

“Well, you would be surprised by a lot of things. So how about we settle this. My fist really misses your face.”

Mayura rolled her eyes.

“Fortunately for you, I don’t have the time to deal with you. Stoneheart, I am sure Masquerade would love for you to take care of this pesky bee.”

“Oh don’t think you can walk away! You and that purple cockroach are the same. Both cowards that can’t even face children.” She jeered as she walked forward.

The stone giant moved forward, allowing Mayura to walk to the door and enter.

“Too scared to face me! Typical. I'll beat your pet rock as a warm up and then your butt will meet my foot!” Queen Bee exclaimed with confidence. “Because I am a real heroine!”

Queen Bee got into a stance and prepared to trade blows with the colossus of rock.

Chat Noir looked to Ladybug.

“Did you give her a miraculous?” He whispered in surprise.

“I don’t have any additional miraculous. I thought she had been captured with the rest of the class.”

“Wait… if it wasn’t you… you don’t think…”

“Either Master Fu is in the building and saw how dire the situation was or Chloé snuck away and had a Queen Bee costume stowed away in her locker.”

The two look at each other and immediately come to the same conclusion.

“We need to save her before she gets crushed!”

______________________________________________________________________

Mayura walked into the classroom.

She managed to keep a straight face, but internally she had a lot going through her mind.

What was once a standard classroom now looked like an elaborate throne room. The amazing curtains, the high ceilings. The steps leading up to an elaborate throne. The portraits of Masquerade really brought together the utter decadence and vanity of the akuma persona. It reminds Mayura of Gabriel’s obsession with Emilie in the worst way possible.

Despite finding the décor off-putting, she had to admit it was impressive how Masquerade had been able to change the room into something completely unrecognizable. A testament to her vanity.

She took a moment to see what akuma servants she still had in the room. The Gamer, Reflekta with around 12 copies, Princess Fragrance, Robostus, Zombizou and Horificator. While the white masks obscured their expressions, it was clear that all of them were watching her. It greatly unnerved her.

She kept these thoughts to herself as the masked akuma that was running the school took notice of her.

“Mayura. I've been expecting you.”

Mayura looked up to see Masquerade sitting on the throne.

“Please, come in.”

She approached confidently. Though in the back of her mind something seemed off.

Masquerade stood up from the throne and walked down the steps, a smile of certainty on her face.

“Masquerade. Your Sentimonster gave me the basics of your plan. Securing the school as your base of operations was a good first step. Your plan of creating a video to lower the spirits of those in Paris was also a nice touch,” Mayura praised.

“But of course! My plan is flawless,” Masquerade boasted. “Not even Ladybug and Chat Noir will be able to stop me.”

“Getting ahead of yourself aren’t you?” Mayura cut her ego trip.

Masquerade’s mood soured as her smile faltered.

“What do you mean by that?”

“You have yet to face the two heroes. Not to mention there's a pesky bee flying around.”

“A bee?” Masquerade was very confused by the comment.

“Yes, Chloé Bourgeois, or Queen Bee, to be precise. Seems that Ladybug and Chat Noir went and got back up."

“It doesn’t matter if they have one additional hero or three. This plan won't fail.”

‘Something isn’t right here. I need to leave now!’ Mayura’s mind screamed.

She wasn’t sure why, but something felt incredibly off.

“Speaking of heroes, your plan never really specified how you will deal with them. Care to elaborate?”

Masquerade’s smile grew more sinister.

“I am glad you asked. After Simularé relayed to me that you were here. I finally figured out the perfect way of dealing with those arrogant heroes,” the masked woman stated with certainty, moving forward.

She now stood only a few feet from the peacock villainess.

“Wait a moment, something is wrong here,” Mayura commented as she tried to focus. She couldn’t ignore the warnings in her head.

“What do you mean?” The mask akuma looked with confusion at the blue villainess.

Mayura looked around. Frantically trying to find something but it was fruitless. This distress caused Masquerade to smile.

“I can't sense it,” Mayura spoke with slight worry.

“Sense what?” Masquerade inquired further.

“Where is your amok? It should be on your person but I can't sense it.”

“Is that a problem?”

“Yes. If you don’t have the amok in your possession then that sentimonster will go out of control!” Mayura explained.

“Can’t you just rip the amok out?”

“If it's nearby and I sense it, yes. But I can’t do that if it’s out of my range.”

“So you’re saying you have no power over me right now.” A devilish grin appeared on Masquerade’s face.

“No, I am saying I don’t have any power over the senti…”

Mayura felt a chill as she realized that the masquerade in front of her was not an akumatized Lila.

“Horrificator, block the door,” the Faux Masquerade commanded.

The pink and purple monster quickly moved to block the door with her large form.

The controlled akuma started circling around her as Simularé undid the illusion and morphed into its true specter form, Simularé.

“You ungrateful little monster. You think your master will be okay with you attacking one of the ones that gave her power?”

“My master doesn’t care about you or Hawkmoth. You are a means to an end. And she gave me special permission to take your miraculous from you.”

“Well if your master isn’t here, then no one is jamming the signal. I can contact Hawkmoth and put this little coup to an end.”

Simularé shifted into Lady Wifi.

“I have access to every power my master does. You are trapped with no options.” The sentimonster mocked.

Mayura looked around as she was circled by the controlled akuma. She needed to get out of there.

She felt a pain rush to her head.

‘F*** not now’ She mentally cursed.

The odds were indeed not in her favor.

______________________________________________________________________________

Stoneheart began charging at the bee themed heroine, and just as Queen Bee was about to move, a yo-yo wrapped around her waist and pulled her away from the monster.

The stone giant had expected his charge to make contact but forced himself to stop when he noticed the bee was gone.

“Sorry tiny, but I’m your playmate now,” called a cat-themed hero.

The mindless akuma didn’t visibly react to the change in foe and simply charged at the cat hero.

Queen Bee found herself near Ladybug.

“Chloé! What are you doing?!”

“Uh… Saving the day? I got the jewelry box that you sent out because you needed my help.”

“Jewelry box… wait a minute that means. You are wearing a miraculous.”

“Yep! Don’t worry LB, I will show you that I am worthy of being Queen Bee. And not to boast, but I totally saved someone. But right now, we gotta go beat that ugly pile of rubble.”

Ladybug looked at Chloé for a moment. With the situation as hectic as it was, Queen Bee has shown some competence when there is real danger. Ladybug knew that right now, all hands that could help would be appreciated, and Queen Bee’s appearance could mean that Fu may be closer than she expected. So maybe there were more reinforcements. So if this was the case. She would trust Fu’s judgement.

“Alright, just be ready to return the bee after all of this is over.”

“Right, right, but just know I will probably change your mind about that after this is over!” the bee exclaimed confidently as she jumped back into the fray.

Ladybug shook her head. Whether she was Queen Bee or Chloé, she was still a handful.

“Are you finished gossiping? Because I could REALLY use a hand!” Chat Noir shouted as he held his staff up to hold back the rock monster’s boulder of a fist.

Queen Bee and Ladybug jumped into view and noticed the situation.

“Don’t worry you stray cat, The Queen Bee will put that rock in his place. Ve…”

Ladybug covered Queen Bee’s mouth before she could.

“Hold it. We might need your power for later.”

“I think it would be useful now!” Chat Noir shouted as he struggled to hold the weight of the giant’s rocky hand.

“Okay if my powers are a no no right now, what is the plan?”

Ladybug looked around. She found her attention drawn to a fire extinguisher, Queen Bee, a rubber band, and a discarded backpack.

“Okay, I have a plan.”

______________________________________________________________________

Gabriel had made a decision.

He hurried out of the lair in his civilian form. He was going to head to the school. Now he would just need to get his chauffeur and go…

Gabriel’s eyes went wide as he saw his son’s bodyguard and chauffeur fall to the floor at the steps of the main entrance, a white mask adorning his face that he was desperately trying to get off.

“What is the meaning of this?” Gabriel asked aloud in shock and anger.

He looked to see the mask akuma he created standing at the door.

“Well, if it isn’t Gabriel Agreste. Fashion mogul, and master manipulator.”

Gabriel’s visible anger faded as he stared at the akuma.

“Lila, is that you?”

“Oh quite astute! An amazing deduction. Was it that observational skill that made you the fashion success you are now?” the akumatized Lila inquired. “Though I go by Masquerade now.”

Gabriel knew very well the girl’s powers. He was the one that gave it to her. She was trying to antagonize him, get him angry. But that would not work.

“Well Masquerade, what brings you to my home at this time?” Gabriel asked calmly. Doing his best to keep his tone and mannerisms calm.

“Oh, I was just in the neighborhood, finding more people to join my little army and I notice my charm glowing as I was getting near.”

Gabriel’s eyes went wide as he realized something. The charm bracelet was configured to locate anyone that has ever been akumatized. That included him. His ploy to ward suspicion off of himself was now biting him in the butt. And of course, Lila was likely holding a grudge with how he pushed her with his words about his son and his classmate.

“My bodyguard was akumatized. What of it?”

The silent action figure enthusiast stopped resisting and his body began growing. Gabriel noticed the man was transforming into the gorilla akuma. Gorizilla! And he rushed up the steps as the akuma moved and pounded his chest.

“Gorizilla, go gather up anyone who has been akumatized that you know of. I will handle Mr. Agreste myself.”

The giant akuma nodded at its master and headed off, leaving the agreste mansion with a giant hole that was once the front of the mansion.

“Handle me? And what do you plan to do?”

Masquerade’s necklace began to glow.

“Oh! Well that is very interesting,” Masquerade mused aloud as she learned from the glowing charm.

“What do you mean, interesting?” Gabriel asked. He knew that the charm had the bonus effect of pointing out the emotional weak points of those that had been akumatized. But he had PRETENDED to be angry and wasn’t actually emotional when the akuma took over. Did the charm still impact him the same way it did everyone else?

Masquerade started walking up the steps.

“You blame yourself for your wife’s passing.”

The statement was a blade pointed right at his throat. But Gabriel refused to react. He would not let himself be taken advantage of by his own akuma. He has been on the receiving end one too many times and he would be damned if he let that psychopath have control of him.

Masquerade saw that Gabriel was not reacting to the statement.

“I have never seen a man more miserable and pathetic,” Masquerade said. Her words sounded genuine and cutting.

Gabriel tried to turn around and walk away. But Masquerade jumped high with her superhuman agility and landed right in front of him, continuing her tearing down of his emotional state.

“All of this wealth and yet you are obsessed with what you don’t have. You are so blinded by the grief of losing your wife that everything else in your life may as well not exist. You locked yourself away, desperately trying to find something, anything that would bring her back. But now you are finding that color is starting to return in your life. You feel guilt over hiding the truth from your son, you loathe the attraction that you have been developing for another woman. You hate that you can’t dedicate every second to your lost wife and any speck of joy you feel without her here feels like treason since she is not here with you. You are a man so blind with his obsession that you fail to see the world doesn’t revolve around you. It's disgusting.”

“You know nothing of my life,” Gabriel dismissed.

But Masquerade knew he would say that. She only smiled. The truth was right in front of her. And she was ready to bring it home.

“You are actually terrified of facing her again.”

That shook Gabriel.

“What?”

“You are afraid of seeing her again. Whether it’s a year or 10 years, you feel that even if you could bring her back, she would be here and realize how much of a shell you had become without her. You are afraid that your obsession with her will be the very thing that drives her away once you see her again.”

“That isn’t true.”

“Then why haven’t you brought her back yet? Don’t you love her?”

Gabriel felt like his heart was being repeatedly punched.

“How dare you question my love for my wife!”

“Then why isn’t she here? If you loved her she wouldn’t have been taken from you and Adrien. But you were far too pathetic to do it. You failed her, and you are still failing her. You will never be with her again, and deep down. You know it to be true,” Masquerade answered coldly.

Those words were enough to get him down. That is what finally did him in.

Gabriel fell to his knees.

“No…”

Gabriel had broken. Masquerade knew she had him.

He was emotionally devastated, to the point where couldn’t even react to the mask coming his way.

____________________________________________________________

Well now things are now hitting their highest points of drama!

Will Ladybug and other heroes be able to stand up to Masquerade?

Will Mayura fall to Simularé's double cross?

Will I EVER update in time?

Tell me your thoughts on the chapter. Your support keeps it alive

[thecinematicalgorithm]

10 Reasons Why Zekaela Should Be Endgame (And Jachaela Should Not) - Part Two

Here is part two of my Zekaela endgame argument as promised. Beware of potential spoilers and enjoy.

5. They Communicate Well

Many argue that the key to a healthy relationship is communication. If a couple has an issue how can it be resolved unless they communicate? It’s easy to shut someone out when you don’t think they will understand, or you don’t trust them, or you’re afraid for whatever reason. Because Zeke and Michaela understand and trust each other they are able to communicate well, even about issues that are hard to talk about. Communication takes honesty and vulnerability, and something that many fail to realize, it also requires the ability to listen. Though Zeke takes time to open up to Michaela he never lies to her. He told her about his drug and alcohol addictions, his assault charge, his relationship with Courtney. There have been a few instances when they didn’t agree with one another but instead of becoming a deal breaker they were able to work through and resolve the issues with communication.

Michaela often shuts Jared out because she does not think he will understand or agree with her on her callings. Oftentimes, Jared does not listen to Michaela and even acts against her wishes. If he had truly listened to her and given her the space she needed he may have stood a better chance of rebuilding their relationship, and she would not have gotten shot either. In reality, Jared not listening to Michaela when she communicated her needs to him is what pushed Zeke and Michaela toward leaning on one another.

4. They Don’t Get Carried Away By Jealousy

There are many instances when Zeke and Michaela could be jealous of each other, and at times are, but instead choose to look past it. Michaela allowed Courtney to shelter with them despite her being Zeke’s ex-wife (though apparently not legally). Zeke has shown some discomfort with Jared and it’s not hard to see why. However, neither of them takes it out on the other. They don’t try to sabotage their partner’s relationship with the object of their jealousy and they even show understanding over why that relationship is important to their partner.

Jared is the complete opposite on this point. I really don’t think I need to elaborate. Mick literally got shot because of Jared’s jealousy.

3. They Put Each Other First

Zeke and Michaela are couple goals much of the time because they know how to put the other first. This demonstrates true, selfless love. There are so many instances of this quality in each of their characters. Michaela putting her job and relationship with Jared at risk simply to break Zeke out of jail. Zeke putting his life at risk to stay beside Michaela. Michaela putting her fears aside and marrying Zeke so that he could have the memory of their love rather than the memory of a desperate clinging to treatments in a sterile hospital. Zeke following Michaela’s lead and trusting in her decisions. They love each other so much that they are willing to overlook their own immediate needs or desires in order to make sure that the other is happy, because in short their partner’s joy brings them joy.

Jared often refuses to put Michaela first if it does not favor his desires. He could not give her space because he wanted to be closer to her. He could not let go of his vendetta against Zeke. He resents her for following her callings despite how they might save her life. This is not selfless love. It is possessive love. 

2. They Are Married

I cannot tell you how tired I am of Hollywood and entertainment making something as sincere and binding as a marriage so light and wishy-washy as if there aren’t enough divorces in real life. In today’s society marriage is not given the level of gravity and sincerity as it should be. Marriage should never be entered into lightly and it should not be so easily disintegrated. Despite the speed in which Zeke and Michaela got married the writer’s insured that there was a weight to the decision. It was given thought and both characters understood what was at stake. And when Zeke beat his death date the two were thrilled at the idea of “growing ancient” together. Michaela’s statement to Grace on how she couldn’t wait to “be on the other side” of the death date with Zeke shows that both want a lasting marriage. They want to spend their lives together, grow old together, make mistakes together. Their vows also demonstrated this with Zeke vowing to love Michaela as long as his life allows, and Michaela vowing to fight for their lives together for as long as they both shall live. Both kept that time stamp open-ended because both hoped it could be far longer than one day. Also Michaela’s sadness of her brother’s dilemma in his marriage and her immediate remorse over her affair with Jared and having destroyed another woman’s (her best friend’s to boot) marriage shows that she understands the importance of marriage vows and the ugliness of divorce and I am sure she would not want to go through that in her own marriage.

Jared has demonstrated twice how easily he overlooks the importance of marriage and marriage vows. He cheated on his own wife, and no matter how you justify it being with Michaela, it was still cheating and he still broke whatever vows he made. He showed very little remorse over it and didn’t fight for his marriage at all. Then he told Michaela in the season 3 finale that he only stood by and watched her marry Zeke (which he didn’t since we all saw him leave before the ceremony anyway) because Zeke would be gone soon. As if marriage to Michaela was a bone to throw to the poor dying man before he could have his chance to step in and have her to himself. He showed no thought in how this would have hurt Michaela to have been a widow so soon, and he did not hesitate in making his confession despite knowing the strain it might put on Zeke and Michaela’s marriage. I hope to God that the show writer’s will surprise us and show Zeke and Michaela work through even this obstacle only to come out in an even better and stronger marriage. They’ve shown us they can handle a good marriage with Ben and Grace, so hopefully they keep it up.

1. The Callings Brought Them Together

Lastly, the Callings, or whatever the entity behind them is, brought Zeke and Michaela together. The two were resurrected. They received callings that led them to find one another. They found a petrograph that showed their experience together. They received some of the same callings that led them to work together and hence grow closer. The callings ensured they got married when Michaela feared they were missing out on an opportunity to save Zeke’s life. If this is not the universe screaming out that they belong together I don’t know what is.

However, the first thing that the Callings did in order to insure that Michaela ended up with Zeke was separating Michaela from Jared in the first place. Indeed the Callings have actually managed to drive a wedge between the two on top of the already complicated nature of their relationship. Why go through this whole predestined story line only to go “Sike! She ends up with Jared anyways.” Not making Zekaela endgame would make everything that’s happened between these three characters completely pointless.

At the end of the day the story is in the hands of the writers. They have a plan and goal in mind. It’s impossible to tell what route they will go. However, the relationship of Jared with Michaela and Zeke with Michaela since season 1 has shown time and again that Jared does not have a healthy or selfless love for Michaela, but Zeke does. Every Jachaela worshiper always argues that there is too much chemistry and history between them for them to not be endgame, but relationships are so much more than chemistry. You can have chemistry with many people in life but that doesn’t mean you should end up with them. And oftentimes history can be toxic and unproductive which is shown with Jared not being able to let Michaela go or give her space. I don’t go running back to my exes all day long simply because we have chemistry and history. Oftentimes, history is enough to get you running away as we’ve seen Michaela do. So without their chemical history what do they really have?

Well Team Zekaela I hope you enjoyed! I will be going into Manifest Season 4 with hopes that the writers don’t sink our beautiful ship. Please share your thoughts and look out for future posts about Manifest, Zekaela and more!

[mandareeboo]

SU Music Rankings

Bc I can and I wanna start some Disk Horse rip. These are all in order of preference, with explanations, etc. It’s a long bitch. That said, I’m not counting little short jingles or small joke songs like Little Butler. This is the meat and potatoes of SU music- just under 30 songs. I might do the rest if people like my takes lol.

I scored it mostly on three bases- how dear it was to my heart, how much/often I relisten to it, and also what it means to the plot. That said, little fun songs don’t automatically go farther down than big, plot-heavy songs either! It’s a strange little balance.

Special Note: I don’t dislike any of this music! I love SU and that includes its bumps and glitches. I just pick favorite children lol.

1.) Change

Was there ever a more Steven moment than when he wiped the blood off his face and kissed it into sparkles? I think not. 

If “Be Wherever You Are” is an ode to young Steven, then this is teen Steven’s. Talking about change, and how much and how little it can do. How he holds his arms up for Spinel to hug him, so trusting. How he seems able to just. Break into soft tears at will, and not to be manipulative- it’s just his kind nature. The warmth in his voice. Fuck yesssss.

2.) Change Your Mind

This song is only fifty five seconds and it’s EVERYTHING to me. It really felt like someone was speaking the words I’d always held deep inside of me, unsure of how to say. It feels like a goodbye to someone who never really loved me. 

As much as I enjoyed Future, if this was the finale of SU, I would’ve been perfectly okay with that.

3.) Drift Away

This song gave me legitimate shivers the first time I heard it, and it still haunts me to this day. Spinel stayed, and waited, and all she got was a transmission thousands of years later. Fuck.

4.) Here We Are In The Future

THE MOVIE IS SU AS ITS BEST AND I WON’T BE SWAYED ON IT. Steven being a teen who loves his weird family but is growing just a bit sarcastic to their drama. The adorable love he and Connie share. His slow realization that he will always be working, always have things to do, is both somber and real. The Crystal Gems won’t be safe with one epic battle. They’ll be safe with years of hard work and love. HIS LITTLE HANDSHAKE WITH AMETHYST.

This is a helluva bop and a great way to summarize the main character’s backstories.

5.) Let’s Only Think About Love

Did ya’ll know that Zach Callison killed his throat with that last note? He gave his all for this performance in a vocal range he no longer comfortably do and by god did it SHINE. The FLAIR. The FORESHADOWING. All of the Gems all being awkward about Rose and Steven trying to bring them to the present. Peridot having a mini-existential crisis in a cute yellow dress. I love Zach Callison’s normal singing voice but man is that a fucking bop. Nothing will ever beat it.

6.) Here Comes A Thought

This bad boy helped me out a LOT with some mental issues I was dealing with in high school. I was unmedicated, unsupervised, and full of anxiety. I’d have break downs when I tried to speak about certain things. I couldn’t function. This song inspired me. It helped me feel okay with my intrusive thoughts.

And the episode! -chef’s kiss-. Once again bringing up the morally gray area of training child soldiers. Connie expanding her social group. Steven’s trauma hauling ass in that second half. The ANIMATION. Stevonnie’s gorgeous singing voice. GOD yes.

7.) It’s Over Isn’t It?

Just barely squeaking above Stronger Than You, this ballad is everything gorgeous. The whole episode is. I think Mr. Greg stands in the top five of my episodes for the entire show. It even got nominated!

There’s just so much about this song that I love. The gentle melancholy of Pearl’s voice. How the crew had to redo the shots for this bit bc Deedee went so fucking hard. The hard cuts between Pearl, remembering the love of her life, and Steven, who has begun to feel like he took her away. I’d recommend this song to anyone, regardless of what they do or don’t know about SU, simply bc it tugs so many heartstrings of love, loss, and responsibility.

8.) Stronger Than You

Did you realize this episode aired SEVEN years ago? This bitch was what got me into SU! Hearing about Ruby and Sapphire made my little gay heart so happy inside, and then getting a whole song confirming that they were a couple, that their love powered the strongest Gem on the team? Aaaaaaaaa

To this DAY I get excited when I hear Estelle start singing. This song is timeless. This song will live in media history. God I fucking love this song.

9.) Other Friends

I’m not the biggest musical person, so I hadn’t heard of Sarah Stiles before her casting as Spinel, but JESUS CHRIST the lady went hard. She went SO fucking hard. Sarah Stiles started on 100 and somehow just kept CLIMBING. You can just hear the sheer manic energy building in her voice, the anger and resentment. 10/10 Sarah Stiles is a queen.

10.) Independent Together

This made the list entirely bc the crew was like “you’re gonna get a himbo ass Steven-Greg fusion singing with Opal while Garnet flies across the moon on Lion while floating” and I am forever thankful to them for it

11.) Who We Are

Bismuth deserved more songs. ‘Nuff said.

12.) Peace and Love (On the Planet Earth)

It Could’ve been Great is EASILY one of my favorite s2 episodes. I love the entire concept of this song. Of Steven making music to reflect how much Earth means to him and his family. Of him teaching Peridot some self-care. Also Peridot’s singing voice is really cute and squeaky. 

I know it’s silly, but I would’ve really enjoyed a flip around of this in Future! Like Peridot reminding Steven how much he loves music, that he needs to take time to relax for himself, maybe with a new verse or just a remix of the original song!

13.) Something Entirely New

I watched this episode as it aired, and I legitimately almost cried. I love Charlyne Yi’s voice so much ya’ll- her raspy, not perfect singing voice against Sapphire’s deep soothing lull is great.

And to have Ruby and Sapphire’s meeting be the way it was- for Ruby to bemoan Sapphire losing Homeworld, to being stuck with a single Ruby, while Sapphire is a noble who has always been taught everyone in her “caste” is vitally important (and has, in her own mind, taken that to mean every Gem, as she should) and how they come together and make each other happy. Good shit good shit.

14.) I’m Just a Comet

The fact that Greg’s music career never really blasted off pisses me off to this day bc Tom Scharpling’s voice is fucking BUTTER. Also the song really feels like a jab at his parents now that we know the kind of dynamic he had growing up. “This life in the stars if all I’ve ever known” is definitely him wiping away their existence after reminding them (and himself) the things they used to say about him.

15.) Do It For Her

This episode. This fucking episode. This episode got me permanently hooked on SU. I’d just binged season 1 and was kinda meh about it overall after the bop of Stronger Than You. “Oh,” I thought to myself, foolishly, “I’ll probably just casually watch this from time to time.”

Like three days later Sworn to the Sword aired and that was it. I was hooked! Pearl’s gentle training song turning darker and darker, Connie’s accompaniment from nervous to determined to fully into such a toxic mindset. The fact that SU had the BALLS to discuss the repercussions of training child soldiers, now and later. This episode was everything to me, STILL is everything to me.

Six years and well over 100 fanfics written later, I think it’s safe to say this show swallowed me whole and never let go.

16.) System/Boot.pearl_final(3)

I debated putting this on the list because it’s not anything crazy important, just a way to show things are Wrong, but I had to do it entirely bc Pearl is so damn SALTY.

Like telling us about the Gems makes sense, she felt like she was given a duty, but she went so damn petty. WHY is that Ruby alone. Gross. This Amethyst is a trash dump. Wtf are you people.

17.) Full Disclosure

This episode really feels like a turning point for SU. Before, the show had its dark moments- but now we’re in the thick of it, and it’s not going away. Full Disclosure felt like an rebuff to the idea of returning to any normal we’d established in season 1. Gems are actually a giant species now. Gems tried to kill us now. There’s this Yellow Diamond bitch who got namedropped. Something about a Cluster. 

The song itself is BALLER, with its ingenious use of Steven’s ringtone and photos as he tries to decide whether to clue in Connie on all this nonsense. Meanwhile we, the audience, already know damn well Connie about to yeet some common sense into him.

18.) What’s the Use of Feeling Blue?

I’mma admit it- I’m a Yellow Diamond stan. I’ve always loved her- her anger, her poise, her hardworking nature. I actively argued against the “Yellow Shattered Pink” theories back in the day. But, man, when this arc leaked? I got so overexcited I was too jittery to watch it for like two days. It’s easily my favorite arc of the series. The sheer alien nature of the zoo, the Famethyst, and absolutely Patti Lupone’s beautiful ballad. Goddamn. Yellow singing to Blue to try and help her regain her old status, the warble in her voice as she reminds Blue she misses Pink too, the movement of the bubbles as she talks about attack. It gives me shivers to this day. FUCK.

19.) Tower of Mistakes

This is, fun fact, that only SU song I have completely memorized. The story itself is kinda funny! See, we lost internet at my house for a solid 5 to 6 months when these episodes aired, so I only got a very brief window to view them all. But this was the first Amethyst song in a long while, and I didn’t want to forget it! So I keep replaying it in my head for ages. And that’s still definitely a thing.

Anyway will never not be sad that this entire song was about making it up to Garnet for Amethyst’s perceived slights with Sugilite (which was a two-way road), only for Garnet to pressure her into fusion later when pissed and never discuss it again bc Garnet probably never thought twice about it and Amethyst has the emotional openness of a clam that’s just been told its ugly. Helluva way to make someone feel like shit, G. Helluva way to bottle that shit, Ames.

20.) On the Run

I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times: Amethyst! Needed! More! Songs! 

The dichotomy between Steven’s play and Amethyst’s honest desire to run away from home is so well-done, especially when you consider a lot of Steven and Amethyst’s actions are playing together. The song is also near and dear to me simply bc it’s my favorite Amethyst episode to exist (well, maybe second to What’s Your Problem, but not by much). Moments like these are all the proof I need that they were right to fuse first.

21.) Be Wherever You Are

This tune really just feels like an ode to who Steven was as a kid. Trapped on an island with no way home, and he’s just happy to be with his friends. The stars are beautiful and not oppressive. Also that one animatic with Lars and the Off Colors playing in the Homeworld Kindergarten to this music was iconic and made this song get stuck in my head for a solid month.

22.) Familiar

I ADORE how the crew use bright neon colors to show how alien Homeworld can be. And Steven recognizing that the Diamonds treat him how the CGs used to, and how prepared he is to “fix” a broken family. It’s a soft, gentle tune about melancholy. Also the Pebbles are beautiful.

23.) Let Me Drive My Van Into Your Heart

Such a cute little love ballad, but every time I listen to it now I just imagine the heart attack Rose must’ve had at the line “And if we look out of place/Well, baby, that's okay/I'll drive us into outer space.” like there’s a Vietnam war flashback if I ever heard one

24.) What Can I Do?

I’m kind of neutral on this one? Rose and Greg both have great voices, but the song itself lacks many lyrics. I think it was definitely a good way to show Rose’s flaws in thinking.

Also, I’m shocked they managed cram that much vaguely sexual innuendo into two minutes, followed by how Not Hetereo that dance between Rose and Pearl was, and not get their asses chewed by it. You go guys.

25.) Cookie Cat

I love a lot of the vibes this song has. The lyrics are so damn prophetic, but they also sound like the kind of weird 90s commercials I grew up on. It’s been like two decades since I saw the Shirley Temple commercial but I’ll be damned if I don’t remember “Animals crackers in my soup! Monkey and rabbits loop-de-loop.”

26.) Giant Woman

I am. NOT the biggest fan of Steven’s original singing voice. I feel bad saying that, since it was just Zach Callison as a kid, but he never jived well with me for some reason. So I wouldn’t listen to this on the fly. 

The song itself is still really good though, with all sorts of fun animation of Amethyst and Pearl being bitchy to each other. It’s a bit sad in hindsight to see tiny Steven trying to get his moms to get along. Ahh, season 1.

27.) Strong in the Real Way

This song has SUCH a strong start. Pearl reflecting on Sugilite’s problems, but the show making sure to show us that Pearl’s lack of enthusiasm towards her also lends itself to jealousy as well as just general malaise. How much she cares about Steven, and wants him to grow up strong. 

And then Steven just kinda. Ruins it? I appreciate his enthusiasm for tryna bulk up but to take what was starting as such a rich, personal song and broadcasting it to random strangers just makes me a bit sad. Almost a bit angry on her behalf?

28.) That Distant Shore

I KNOW this is gonna create some discourse, but I’m just not the biggest Lapis stan. I love her voice. I love the visuals of the song. And I get why she felt afraid and needed to flee.

But Lapis never got to take responsibility for her own actions. And, in the end, the song feels hollow to me- because we all know she’ll never talk to anyone about it, know she’ll burst back in and destroy the barn, and no one will ever question it. I like Lapis a lot, but I feel like her arc never was fully finished. She never got help. She never learned to feel safe.

29.) Dear Old Dad

I’ve yet to meet a single human being who likes this episode tbh. There’s some great discussion about what kind of parent Greg is from it, and what kind of dynamic he has with the Gems that he felt he had to fake an injury to hang out with his son. Honestly the first half was fine and dandy. It’s just that then they Greg just went out of his way to drag Steven away from missions and such. It never jived well with his character before or after.

Also, is it just me, or does Zach himself sound like he hates the song as he sings it? There’s no passion or heart in his voice. It sounds like they told him to read off cue cards and he did. Tom Scharpling’s best attempts didn’t save this one for being a skipper. But the episode, unfortunately, isn’t, so it gets a spot on here.

[honeypiehotchner]

intelligence & issues (Hotch x Fem!Reader) -- chapter twenty-two

I’m liking this two updates a week schedule because I hate leaving you guys hanging like that!! I hope this chapter makes it all better xx.

Oh btw the title of this chapter and last chapter are lyrics from “Hold On” by Chord Overstreet! (Also I know the gif is irrelevant but the ~emotion~ of it is relevant)

ALSO (wow I have a lot I keep forgetting to add) I meant to @ her last chapter, but all of these medical scenes and things were 100% done with the help of @thedumpsterqueen​ because I know next to nothing about all this stuff and she was an angel and let me ask all the crazy questions <333 (P.S. she has a Hotch fic called Standards of Performance on her blog that you guys should alllll read if you haven’t already!! It’s SO good it’s one of my favorites)

Warnings: angst and sadness, but that’s pretty much it

Previous chapter || Fic Masterlist

Chapter Twenty-Two: I can’t imagine a world with you gone

Everything is a blur in Hotch’s mind before and after the first gunshot rings through the air. He didn’t need to hear the buzzing in his ear to know it had hit you.

He took off at a sprint, as did the rest of the team.

His ears are ringing. His thoughts are racing. He’s never been a man who talks frequently to God, but he’s praying. Hoping you’re alive. Begging you to not be dead.

Aaron would never forgive himself if you died. As it stands, though, he won’t ever forgive himself for this.

Prentiss, Reid, and Rossi take off in one direction. Hotch and Morgan take the other. Police officers fill the gaps and follow behind, everyone searching for you and Savannah.

Morgan is the first to stumble on the room. His throat aches when he screams for Hotch, keeping his weapon aimed at Savannah.

“Put the gun down!” Morgan yells.

Hotch comes skidding to a stop in the doorway a second later, weapon raised, but his eyes are focused on you. Savannah’s boot is pressing into your thigh, blood oozing from your wound, soaking your pants, spilling onto the concrete. Hotch’s heart drops at the sight. He’s seen enough bullet wounds to know how much blood should come from them. That is too much.

The bullet must’ve hit the major artery. And the thought terrifies him.

Morgan takes the shot when Savannah refuses to move. It hits her stomach and she stumbles for a moment before falling. Morgan yells for the paramedics again, distantly thinking they should be in here by now.

Hotch falls to the ground beside you, his hands cupping your face, not caring who sees. His thumbs tap your cheeks, willing you to open your eyes. You have a pulse, but it’s weak. Weaker than what it should be.

He presses hard over your wound, hoping to slow the bleeding, but there’s more surrounding your leg than he wants to see.

“Y/N?” He says, his eyes watching your eyelids for any movement. He lets out a momentary sigh of relief when your eyes open. “Y/N, please, can you hear me?”

You stare back at him, no signs of his words registering in your eyes. They’re empty. Haunted, again, but for a different reason this time. This time it’s different. “Aaron…”

“I’m here,” Hotch says gently, pressing his hand harder, his heart breaking when you groan in pain. “I know,” he says, shushing you.

Your eyes travel around the room then, and Aaron follows. Morgan is pressing his hand over Savannah’s wound, speaking into his wrist, asking the others where the hell the paramedics are at.

But Aaron doesn’t want you to see that, so he cups your jaw again, turning your eyes back on him. He smiles as best he can, the tears beginning to spill from his eyes as he takes in your face.

“There’s my girl,” he says softly. “Keep holding on. They’re almost here.”

“Aaron,” you try to say, your voice low and strained, and Aaron shakes his head, trying to get you to stop talking. “Aaron...I don’t wanna go without-- I need to tell you that I--”

“Shhh,” he tries again, not wanting you to waste any energy. “You don’t need to.”

“I love you,” you finally get it out. And he’s stunned to complete silence and tears. “I love you so...so much. It hurts.”

“Y/N,” he says, panicked. Your eyes are closing. “Y/N! Come back, Y/N, come back to me. Y/N. Y/N, please.”

Hotch is too caught up in holding your face and keeping pressure on your wound to notice the paramedics have arrived. One team goes to Savannah, relieving Morgan, while the other comes to you, trying to usher Hotch away, but he doesn’t budge.  

“Hotch,” Morgan tugs on the unit chief, grabbing at his arms, his heart breaking for the both of you. “Hotch, you need to let them get to her.”

Reluctantly, Hotch backs up, clenching his bloodied fist, grimacing at the way your blood sticks his skin together.

Everything else is a blur.

What does it need to be clear for, anyway? If you’re not here?

+++

You’re still in surgery.

It’s been an hour. But it feels longer. It feels like it’s been an entire twenty-four hours.

The entire team has taken up camp in a waiting room at the hospital.

Reid is reading and rereading every magazine he can get his hands on to distract himself, never mind the fact that he reads them so fast that he rips a page on one from turning it so quickly. Morgan has Garcia on the phone and has left to get coffee at least three times, the first time returning with a tray of steaming cups and the next two times returning with only one, but two tearful eyes. Emily has been pacing and will wear a hole into the tile at this rate if she walks for another hour. JJ has been staring at the wall, chewing so hard on the inside of her cheek that she flinches when she draws blood.

Rossi has been staring at the wall, too, but mostly he’s been worrying about and watching Hotch.

Aaron has been biting his nails, tugging at his hair, angrily wiping away tears, and left once to go on a walk before returning two minutes later, asking if they had heard anything. Those two minutes had felt like two hours and he was worried sick for all 120 seconds that he missed something.

Dave hasn’t tried to say anything to Aaron, though he wants to. It’s heartbreaking to watch Aaron like this.

You’re going to pull through. Dave — and the rest of the team — can’t afford to think otherwise. And they refuse to think otherwise, unable to imagine what it would be like if you weren’t here.

But it seems like Aaron is thinking otherwise.

Truthfully, he is. But he’s thinking about so much more.

You love him. You love him. You love him.

And he was too stunned to say it back. The one chance he had, and it might be gone now. Ripped away. Forever.

He sent you in there. He did this to you. He had his reservations, but the call had already been made. You seemed so sure. You wanted to do this so badly. He didn’t want another fight about him not trusting you because it’s not about his trust for you, it’s about how terrified he was for you.

He’ll never forgive himself for this now. Not ever.

It’s a world he can’t even bear to imagine. One without you in it.

Yet here he is, grappling with the fact that he might not have to imagine it soon. He sent you in there. He knowingly put your life in danger. And now he’ll have to live with the consequences.

+++

Aaron is shaken from his trance by the doctor and a nurse coming in to inform the team that you’re out of surgery and that it went well.

But you’re in the ICU.

“She lost a great deal of blood,” the doctor says gravely. “But we think she’ll pull through. She just needs to be watched closely for the time being.”

Everyone nods silently, not sure of what else to say, other than feeling relief that you’re alive.

“Visiting hours are long over, so I recommend you all get some rest,” the nurse says. “She’s in good hands here.”

“Thank you,” Rossi replies.

The doctor excused himself, but the nurse stayed, offering to answer any extra questions. “Visiting hours start at seven a.m.,” she says first. “And in the ICU, only two visitors are allowed in her room at a time.” She doesn’t voice an apology, but one is in her tone as she glances between the six team members.

“Can I stay?” Hotch blurts out of nowhere. The team member’s heads all turn to look at him in surprise. “Can anyone stay the night, I mean.”

“Uh, yeah,” the nurse nods. “One person can.” Her eyebrows furrow sincerely. “Are you her dad?”

Morgan internalizes a snort.

“No,” Hotch replies kindly. “I’m not, but I’d like to stay. I’m her boss.”

Still the nurse looks skeptical. “Would she be okay with—”

“She’s his girlfriend,” Emily blurts out, tired of waiting. And when Hotch sends her a look, she says, “What? It would’ve taken you hours to say it.”

“Oh,” the nurse chuckles, embarrassed. “I’m so sorry. Yes, of course you can stay.”

Hotch lets a tiny smile shine through, but it’s not much. Truth is, he’s terrified to see you. But leaving you here alone – even if this is a hospital – terrifies him more.

The rest of the team says goodbye to head back to the hotel for some much-needed rest, if they can sleep at all. They know they’ll wake every couple hours to worry about you before sleep consumes them once more.

In the meantime, Hotch will be here to look after you for all of them. You’re like a little sister to the rest of them, even though Morgan is the only one to have voiced that. You’re loved here. Loved more than you’ll ever be able to comprehend.

You’re loved by Aaron much more than he’ll ever be able to articulate to you. But he’ll try. He’ll try to help you see.

+++

Hotch is finally walking to your room in the ICU after another half hour of waiting. The nurse said they had to get everything settled in your room before he could come back, which only made Hotch’s worry spike even more.

But eventually, he’s in your room with you. A pillow and blanket is in the chair by the window, but he’s not paying attention to it.

You. You’re asleep, of course, and probably will be for a few more hours. The nurse said you had already woken up once, but because of the pain medicine and the overall stress your body has been under in the past few hours, you fell back to sleep almost instantly.

Tears well in his eyes at the sight of you, laid up in the hospital bed, IVs and wires all over you. The beeping of the heart monitor is the only real sign to him that you’re even alive. Your chest is rising and falling, but it’s barely visible underneath the gown and blankets and wires.

You have one regular IV placed on the top of your left hand. Some other line is in your upper arm, and another in your wrist. He has no idea what they’re all for, he just knows he hates seeing you connected to so much.

Aaron wipes at his eyes angrily. Does he have a right to be this upset when he’s the one who sent you in there?

He turns and sets the pillow and blankets in the other chair, knowing he won’t sleep tonight even if he wanted to. Instead, he pulls the chair closer to your bed, where he can place his hand next to yours.

And, if you happen to wake up, you can reach for him if you need to.

+++

Three hours pass and you still haven’t woken up. Aaron knows. He’s been watching you the entire time.

The nurses have come to check on you a few times, assuring Aaron that it’s normal for you to be sleeping like this. But he just nods silently.

He wants you to wake up. Just for a minute. He needs you to just open your eyes and look at him, just once. That’s all he needs.

But it’s wishful thinking as the sky begins to lighten, showing the first signs of dawn.

Aaron links his pinky with yours, afraid to do much else and risk messing up your IV. Holding pinky fingers is enough right now. Or at least, it’ll have to be.

“I’m sorry,” he says out loud, to you, or really to no one at all, because he’s not even sure you can hear him. “I’m just so...sorry, Y/N.”

Stupid tears gather in his eyes again, clogging his throat, stopping his words.

But he keeps going.

“It’s my fault,” he says. “And I know you’ll try to convince me that it’s not, but Y/N, it is and I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I let this happen to you.”

He leans his head into the palm of his free hand, tightening his pinky finger’s grip on yours.

“I love you,” he blurts it out, tears warming his palm as they cascade down his cheeks. “I love you and I need you to wake up because I need you to hear it. I love you. I don’t think there’s ever been a day that I’ve known you that I haven’t loved you.”

He sniffles, loud and body-rattling, glad he’s alone in this room with you because he’d never let anyone else see him like this. No one but you.

“I tried to get it out before, but you were already gone, and I— You need to wake up. I need you to wake up. Please.”

Aaron keeps his eyes closed and head down for a few minutes longer. He doesn’t even see that you’ve opened your eyes.

Until your pinky finger gently squeezes his.

He lifts his head quickly, eyes wide and wild when he sees you’re looking back at him, eyes glassy with tears and exhaustion.

And just like that, just seeing your eyes open and looking right at him, the dam breaks once more. He’s a mess of tears when he leans his head down onto the bed. You lift your hand and thread your fingers through his hair, closing your eyes as more tears slip down your cheeks.

You scratch a soothing pattern on the base of his skull, moving your other hand over your body to hold onto his arm. He senses the movement and lifts his head, grabbing your hand and pressing it to his lips.

He’s not sure how long he stays there, all he knows is his back aches when he straightens up again, and you’ve fallen back asleep.

Next chapter

[beyondspaceandstars]

While You Sleep

Chapter 16

Relationship: Bucky Barnes x Reader Warnings: mentions of violence Summary: Soulmate!AU - Throughout life, you’re given glimpses of your soulmate through dreams. As you sleep, memories flash in your mind showing you the life your soulmate has lived. Everyone around you raves about how their soulmate reads great books or volunteers in their spare time. But you can’t relate as your dreams end up being more like nightmares. Through initial images of death and violence, you come to learn your soulmate is the Winter Soldier.

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

“You’re coming to me about soulmate bonds?” Bruce Banner asked for what seemed like the umpteenth time. Once again, you and Bucky nodded in sync, standing awkwardly in the middle of his lab. 

Bruce let out a sigh as he turned back to whatever he had been working on. He hadn’t totally dismissed you two yet, thankfully, so you were just forced to stand there, waiting.

When Bucky had told you this was who would potentially help you, you were a bit hesitant. You had only encountered Bruce briefly in your time at the compound. In fact, you hadn’t really gotten to know anyone outside of Bucky and Steve. So, coming to an Avenger, let alone a literal nationally recognized genius, for help with such a thing...made you nervous, to say the least. You’d have to confess your troubles to a third party once more. 

But Bucky assured you over and over again that Bruce could be trusted. He didn’t know the scale of his research on the topic but he felt he was a trustworthy person for this. Eventually, you agreed. After your first shift back at work - a new addition back to your routine as you worked to regain some stability - Bucky took you over to the compound. You had thought he had gotten an appointment or at least gave Bruce some kind of rundown on the proposal but, apparently, no.

“What makes you think I can answer any questions on that?” Bruce grumbled as he furiously wrote notes on his current project. You and Bucky shared a look. 

“I heard you did some research on it,” Bucky explained. 

Bruce huffed. “So?”

“So,” Bucky sighed, “we think we… we have a problem with ours.”

This vague statement was enough for Bruce to perk up a bit. His writing had stopped. He was looking forward now, away from the project. “A problem?” Bruce asked, slightly glancing over his shoulder.

You shifted your weight as you stood a bit uncomfortable with the admission out in the open. Bucky, though, was the definition of cool, calm, and collected. You were just a little bit jealous of him.

Bucky nodded. “To put it simply, my girl has nightmares.”

Bruce seemed very interested now. He finally turned back around, facing you two fully once again. He looked intrigued but not really excited. You wondered greatly what his research really encompassed. 

“Nightmares?” Bruce was beginning to sound like some sad echo. But you and Bucky just went with it, nodding your head in confirmation. Bruce continued, “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of nightmares. They’re dreams we have — soulmate dreams.”

You sighed, greatly out of annoyance. You’d been hearing the same thing day after day after day for years. “I know,” you finally said. “I am well aware of that but it just isn’t how ours work. I’ve only ever seen the…bad things Bucky has encountered. And for a while, after we met, they stopped.”

“As you would hope.”

You nodded. “But then that…thing happened. And it’s all started over again except somehow stronger. I’m seeing it all through Bucky’s eyes. Through his feelings. Through his — his everything. I’m back there twice over and many times after.”

Bruce shook his head as if he couldn’t believe it. You didn’t know what to do. Bucky was very tense beside you, hands balled into tight fists waiting as anxiously as you for Bruce to just say something about it. But he didn’t, not yet, as he raced over to his desk. From one of the drawers, a very particularly locked one, Bruce pulled out a file. He flicked it open and began reading, his finger roaming over the pages wildly, hunting for whatever it was he needed. You and Bucky just watched the situation unfold, practically holding your breaths. 

Eventually, Bruce walked back over, a very specific page opened in the filed documents. You couldn’t make out what it was about from your sneaky glance so you waited for the genius to begin. He looked between you and Bucky, jaw slacked in amazement and concerned. 

“Before I get into this, I want you both to promise me this knowledge doesn’t leave this lab unless it is on my account, okay?” He spoke strongly and seriously. You two nodded. Once he was pleased, Bruce looked back at the file and began, “Gosh, I can’t believe I forgot about this… You were right, Bucky, I have researched soulmate bonds. I didn’t do it for long, God knows it’s a hot topic, but part of my research involved what I nicknamed toxic bonds.” He looked pointedly at you two. “It just started out as a little theory stemming from the old stories about soulmates ‘moving on.’ It’s really a bit more than just not liking someone. This theory revolves around stories of soulmates, in these cases, receiving unflattering or uninteresting dreams from their partnered mates. I was basing these off the accounts of long ago as there are no known partners that fit this mold. At least, until now.” Bruce motioned between you two. You didn’t like where this was all going. “I believe what you two share is a toxic bond, a sort of glitch in Fate. Except, where you two fall flat in this is the fact the nightmares have come back. All dreams change after meeting your soulmate, right?” No one said anything. Bruce continued, “Yes, they technically should. Something has in fact fallen off with you two. I can’t say what but it doesn’t add it and could be significant to this research. With permission, I would like to run some tests on each of you.”

You stiffened. “T-Tests?” While you should be kind of relieved there’s some answer - or idea - for what you’re experiencing, you were suddenly hung up on the prospect of being an experiment. Bucky’s hand reached out to grasp yours, trying to offer some comfort. The thought of being strapped to a chair flashed through your mind. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Bucky shoot Bruce a harsh look.

“Nothing harmful, I promise,” Bruce insisted. “I would just like to take a peek into your brains, into the bond.”

“That’s possible?” Bucky asked. You were glad he at least had the strength to speak.

“It’s attached to the brain function in various ways,” Bruce explained. “A look into your brainwaves can tell me a lot. Or nothing, if that's the case, too.”

You knew you were doing an absolutely horrible job at hiding your worries but, thankfully, neither man was bringing much attention to it. They just looked at you, waiting for an answer. You were quite impressed by how Bucky was just going along with this. But, at the same time, there was a reason he came here instead of seeking a true outsider. If this was okay with Bucky, it was going to have to be okay with you. At least this time, you weren’t being thrown in a chair alone. 

“Okay,” you nodded. “Let’s see what we can find out.”

***

You didn’t know which was more daunting: the actual test itself or waiting for the results. 

The test was more like a true test of patience. You basically just had to sit there as Bruce wrote notes and saw things you never could make out from the weird squiggly lines on the monitor. All while he’s doing that, you’re trying not to just break down from being in a lab again. Thankfully, Bucky offered more comfort the best he could. He let you squeeze his non-metal hand, never flinching once no matter how much your nails dig into him. He even tried striking up conversations with you, trying to distract you. He tells you about the new romance movie he thinks you two should go see. You try to stay engaged, feeling a bit bad you couldn’t focus well on it, but he didn’t seem to mind. 

When the roles were reversed, Bucky didn’t ask for any help from you. You still tried to offer something by taking his hand in yours. But he just didn’t need distractions, perhaps a bit too familiar with being subjected to testing. This had to be on the easier side, you figured. 

Once you both were finished, Bruce instructed you to take a seat and wait. He had some things to double-check. The longer you sat, the more you were worried it was bad news - but you didn’t even really know what bad news would actually entail. What was he looking for? How much of the bond could actually be seen? You hadn’t heard of this ever. If you did, you probably would’ve looked into it a long time ago just to clarify if you were fucked in the head or not.

“How are you feeling?” Bucky asked, gently. You fiddled with your fingers, unsure. 

“It wasn’t so bad,” you said. “Just not sure what he’s going to find.” Bucky agreed and you two fell back into your silence as you waited. 

Minutes later, Bruce finally re-entered the room. You two must’ve been wearing hopeful looks because he motioned for you to calm down. Bruce wasn’t matching your excitement. Something twisted in your stomach. 

“I’ve reviewed your tests,” he said, holding up a folder labeled with your names. You two nodded. Bruce motioned towards you first and said, “Your test came back perfectly normal. Everything is fine with your part of the bond which quite surprised me but I checked and rechecked. The issues aren’t with you-,”

Bucky sighed, cutting Bruce off as he mentally pieced it together. “They’re with me.” 

You felt your body tense as Bucky looked defeated beside you. He wasn't meeting either of your gazes despite you trying to reach for his hand again. He shrugged it off, you quickly turned to Bruce. 

“What’s the problem?” You just about demanded. Bruce didn’t look very phased by your outburst. He pulled up a seat in front of you two looking like he had to mentally prepare himself for this.

“There’s an unnatural disturbance in Bucky’s side of the bond,” Bruce explained as he flipped open the folder. You didn’t even try to understand the printed results. Bucky was fully disconnected at this point. “I can’t say for sure what caused it, but if I had to guess when he underwent what...Hydra did, it affected lines in the transmission process. They probably thought they were severing the lines but they were really just scrambling them, hence the nightmares. They’re the dominant memories the bond reads in transmission. Bucky’s missions and recent healing process didn’t help anything. All in all, to put it simply, any intense moments Bucky experiences will be projected back to you due to a disconnect in the function of the bond.”

“So, I really was the cause of all this?” Bucky finally spoke up. His voice was hoarse, almost weak. You knew he thought his hair hid the look of distress written on his face but you could feel it. Boy, could you feel it. 

You immediately began shaking your head and reaching for him again. He didn’t move under your touch but at least he was allowing it. “This isn’t your fault, I promise.”

Bucky looked like he wanted to protest further but Bruce stopped him, “You couldn’t do anything to prevent this.” He looked back at you. “Either of you. These were the actions of some deranged individuals and they are the only ones responsible. I’m just sorry you two have to pay the price.”

“I-Is there anything we can do to fix it?”

Bruce closed the folder, looking more uncomfortable - if that was even possible. “I’m afraid not. It’s hard enough to damage soulmate bonds, essentially impossible to bandage.”

Upon hearing that, Bucky abruptly stood up. You jumped at the sudden action, suddenly convinced he was going to walk away. Forever. But instead, he made his way over to the window, his back towards you two, lost in whatever self-deprecating thoughts were flooding his brain. You’d address that later but were currently focused on pressing Bruce.

“There’s really nothing at all?” You were sounding desperate at this point but Bruce didn’t seem to mind, giving you the most sympathetic look.

“My best advice would be that Bucky finish his healing treatment and then get him out of this...profession.”

You could feel Bucky’s eyes on you two now. “What, like retirement?”

Bruce shrugged. “Whatever you want to call it. Essentially, the less he fights, the less traumatizing situations he’s put in, the fewer nightmares you’ll have.” He glanced back at the folder. “In theory, you could be rid of them all. Get back to having actual dreams. It’s an optimistic take but you’ve already proven it’s possible to some degree.”

You looked over your shoulder, your worried eyes meeting Bucky’s intense ones. He wasn’t exactly protesting but you saw the hesitancy. You turned back to Bruce.

“Thank you for all your help,” you said.

He nodded. “I’m glad I could be of some assistance. If you ever want to look even further into it, I think I know someone else that could help.”

“I think we’ve learned enough for a while.” 

“Of course,” Bruce agreed and then stood from his chair. “I’ll let you two go. Probably got a few things to discuss. Call me if you need anything.” With that, he exited the lab, leaving just you and your soulmate to move forward. Somehow. 

Bucky had turned back to the window. You shifted in your seat, unsure of what to say now.

Thankfully, Bucky was the first to speak. “Do you want to get some dinner?”

[gunpowdville]

Brian. Brianbrianbrianbrianbrianbrian. God my brain is so full of this man I don't even know where to start. Fuckign. Him.

I don't think he has many regrets. If he actively chooses to do something and believes it's for a good reason, he will never quite fully regret it, no matter what problems it may cause. This applies heavily to his backstory, and his raising of the dead in that. But this isn't to say that he doesn't have any regrets, because he has certainly done many things that he is not proud of and wishes he hadn't. He can be terribly impulsive sometimes.

And he can be selfish. He can be oh so selfish. He can make decisions entirely based on how they would benefit him, and completely ignore the repercussions they will have on others. He can get so caught up in fixing his own mistakes and trying to better himself that he will destroy everything he has, and he knows it. He knows he does this but he doesn't realize he's done it again until it's much too late. when he goes out of his way to keep himself from doing it he only makes it worse.

Brian is such. A bastard. His morals are utterly fucked up and always have been. Even on MJE, he is still following his moral code, and throughout the millenia the boundaries of what he will and won't do shift. Because it's not just 'good Brian' and 'bad Brian'. It's just the thought process of how he makes his decisions that changes. It's still Brian.

(more thoughts under the cut, this ended up being very very Long)

He used to hate the morality switch a lot more. In the beginning he thought of it as a form of mind control. And he hates not being in control. I've said it before and I'll say it again: this man is so so fragile. Any semblance of control over himself or his situation that he can have he clutches tight to his chest and refuses to let go.

Brian is, as he says, an honest man. Sometimes too honest. He tells the truth and often doesn't see the point in lying, preferring to be as brutally honest as possible. And I mean brutal. He will say exactly what he thinks unless there is some critically important reason not to. He tells the truth, and the truth is this: he cannot be trusted. He is not a steady force to put faith in. He can't even trust his own image of himself. He will hurt those around him as long as they stay around him. He cannot be trusted.

Brian is angry and he is sad and he is so so fed up with the universe treating him like some sort of sick joke. He lashes out. He can crush a skull with his bare hands and he uses that ability. He has a habit of ignoring things he doesn't want to address. He can and will manipulate his way into never having to address them if he wants. He is so. Very. Flawed.

But he cares. He cares so very deeply and so very strongly for the other mechanisms, and often those they encounter on their adventures. He hurts them because he can't help it and it's what he's used to, but he also throws all the love he has into them. He prefers the version of himself that he is with them, when he can relax and let himself be gentle and comforting. He makes it his responsibility to take care of them, because if he has something to focus on, to channel his energy into, he can avoid spiraling down a bitter path that ends in him alone, which he desperately does not want.

He uses the music as a coping mechanism. Most of the mechs do this, using telling their stories as a way to deal with what they've been through. The problem is, he already has such a paper-thin image of himself and his identity that adding roles and stories as another version of himself just makes that so much worse.

But adding to this, Brian actually oddly enough knows a lot more about himself and is a lot more insightful about his emotions than any of the others. Due to the fact that he is having an identity crisis 90% of the time. He's a lot more in tune with what he's feeling and thinking than he believes himself to be. This, however doesn't mean he's not an absolute mess.

oh and the PROPHECIES. He gives prophecies because he genuinely wants to help, but also he relishes in the ability to change people's lives, to twist their narratives and feel like he's in control of the story. He enjoys it a little too much, and therefore he doesn't give out as many prophecies as he could. He doesn't want to be a puppetmaster. He just wants to help, and he won't let himself go any further than that. Which is also often why he keeps his prophecies somewhat vague, because he doesn't want to control people's lives like that. And he always blames himself if the story ends badly, even if it isn't entirely his fault.

There is so much he struggles with. But he works so very hard on himself. He figures that he's immortal, after all, and takes the time to work through his issues and what he deems the worst parts of himself. And he does get better. He learns how to reign himself in and smooth out his rougher patches. Not entirely, but enough that by the end of his immortal life he deems himself someone he could maybe be proud of.

OH I FORGOT TO MENTION: he is a stubborn bitch and can be immovable when he wants to be. He waits a lot longer than he should to launch himself into the void for the last time, because he doesn't want to leave any of the others and part of him is terrified. He's given up on heaven or hell, at this point he really hopes he doesn't end up anywhere. And he's actually made his peace with the afterlife, as he ran into the priest from his backstory multiple times over the millenia, and they actually talked about it once or twice. He just hopes that wherever he goes he won't be lonely. And he isn't, even as he dies. He has the stars for company, and the billions of stories he's told that have all become such a vital part of himself. He dies alone, but not lonely.

[peakyxtommy]

Kidnapped - Thomas Shelby x Fem!Reader

Summary: Tommy Shelby and his wife are going to have their first baby in a week. She gets kidnapped due to Tommy’s business dealings. He has to find her and their unborn baby in time. (Requested By: @babylooneytoonz​) 

WC: 3.6K

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, Mild Violence 

A/N: Sorry this took me so long to complete. Thank you so much for your patience, greatly appreciated. I hope you enjoy this and I really enjoyed writing this!! 

It was starting to get colder in Birmingham, as December was almost here with Christmas right around the corner. You had one week left until it was time to give birth to the growing baby in your stomach. You couldn’t have been happier for the arrival of your first born son. When you found out the news you were excited and a little nervous to tell Tommy, unsure of what his reaction was going to be. After the initial shock of the words left your mouth, he was just as happy as you to have his baby. He drove you just as wild as you drove him during these past almost nine months. 

You put up with his over-protectiveness of always having someone travel with you where you went, having to let the maids help more than usual, and helping him deal with his doubts about becoming a father. Always reminding him of how much you trusted him and how he cared his best but showed it differently than others. He dealt with your morning sickness, cravings, mood swings of where you’d get angry with him over small things, sad over things that were normal or didn’t make you cry before, and your changing body which he always made sure you felt loved and comfortable in whatever you were wearing. He was sweet, supportive, and helpful as much as he could be through the whole pregnancy. 

Today was no different as you found yourself getting a little fussy and annoyed with how cleaned and prepared everything was becoming for the arrival of the baby. Being stuck in the house the past few days because of the snow didn’t help. You finally convinced your husband of two years to let you come to the betting shop with him. 

“Can you please help me put my shoes on Tom?” You sigh as you walk into your husband’s office. He zips up his bag as you come closer to the large mahogany desk. His blue eyes meet yours with a small grin.

“Who said you were leaving the house?” He gives you a serious look as you roll your eyes at his mocking.

“I said I am leaving this house before I burn it to the ground. If you don’t let me out, you will be burning to the ground with it.” You tease playfully, swatting him on the chest, as he pulls the chair out for you to take a seat as he begins doing up the laces. 

“Who knew I married an arsonist.” He plays along, as you stand to leave, swatting you on your bum as you make your way to the front door. 

As soon as you arrive at the office after greeting everyone and talking to the women for a little bit, you take a seat in the rocking chair, he got just for you and your growing bump. You curl up under the huge blue blanket and begin to finish reading a baby book your mother got you as he writes letters that need to be sent. It’s only a little after 1pm when your baby starts kicking around and your stomach begins to growl. 

“Tommy we’re hungry.” You speak, removing the blanket from your body. You stand folding and hanging it on the back of the chair, making your way to your husband's chair. 

“You’re hungry, how can I be of assistance.” He moves his papers to the side as you take a seat upon the desk with his assistance. His warm hands find your growing bump and begin rubbing small circles enjoying the feeling of knowing he was going to see his son soon. He could feel the love growing in his heart as the day got closer. 

“I think we want fish and chips again for the 100th time.” You laugh as you knew Tom was tired of having this meal but would indulge you sometimes but often more than not would just get a sandwich. 

“Alright, I’ll call it in. Maybe we’ll stop at the sweets shop on the way back.” His blue eyes pierce into your eyes. You couldn’t be any happier than you were to be with him. In these moments he was yours and yours only, wrapped in a little world. If only it could stay this way forever.

It’s only a short while longer until it’s time to pick up the meal. As soon as you are ready to leave with Tom, a blinder man walks in with a worried expression. 

“Tommy, there’s an emergency, you’re needed on the phone.” He nods helping you off the desk, before picking up the phone. As soon as the call ends, he explains, he's needed at one of the docks. There’s an issue with the police. He wasn’t sure if he was going to go, but decided to. 

“Sorry love, but I should be back in an hour tops.” His warm lips press into the skin on your forehead. It says all that you both need at the moment. He tells his men to go with you and make sure to get you back safely. 

If only life could be that simple for Thomas Shelby. 

-

You enter the car with Kyle, your usual driver and one of the young blinders James that Tommy recently hired. You enjoyed both their company and trusted them with your life. As you begin the drive to the restaurant you don’t notice the car tailing slowly behind you all. 

The first stop goes fine without any complications. You ask to drive to the sweet shop to pick up some treats for yourselves and the office. You go inside and talk with Dolares who owns the bakery. Picking out the sweets, when all of a sudden you hear loud gunshots outside the shop, followed by screaming on the inside of the shop. All the commotion goes quiet as you’re met with two tall guys in black hats with a golden symbol on top with guns. 

“Give Us, (Y/N) Shelby, Now!” The first guy screams waving his gun in the air.

“And nobody gets hurt!” His accomplice screams after James begins to draw his gun to take a shot. The gunshot goes off. It ends with James on the floor clutching his arm, yelling out in agony. 

“I’ll go with you! Please don’t hurt anyone else.” You plead feeling the adrenaline rush through your body with fear to your core. The guy on the right, takes your arm tightly in his, tugging you along with him, as his gun points into the crowd of scared civilians watching in horror as the first guy opens the door. They shove you into a car and blindfold you, making their getaway. 

-

The event takes longer than anticipated. By the time he gets back to the office he finds himself to be actually hungry and ready to rest for a moment in your presence before completing the never ending mountain of work on his desk. As soon as he opens the door to the shop, he can tell something is wrong. He could feel the tension as he entered the room. The workers were silent and no one was looking him in the eyes. Arthur calls him into the office, shutting the door behind them, as he walks inside to see his brothers, cousin, Polly and only one of the men he sent with him. He double scans the room noticing your missing but thinking maybe you were in the loo. 

“What’s wrong with all of you? Like like the lot of you, have seen a fucking bloody ghost.” He speaks noticing the straight faces of his family and nervousness of his younger brothers.

“Tell him Arthur!” Polly huffs, staring at the eldest Shelby brother who approached in front of his brother. 

“Listen Tom…” Arthur begins but his brother’s impatience gets the best of him.

“Just spit it out will you!” He shouts, thrashing his hands in the air.

“They took (Y/N) and the baby.” He responds and Tommy feels his blood run cold. He feels sick in the pit of his stomach and body is overcome with emotion as his head falls into his brother’s shoulder screaming out your name, as Arthur pats his shoulder, calling out reassurances to try to get him to calm down. It takes a few minutes for him to get a small grip on himself, trying not to let his mind travel to the worse case scenario. 

“What do we know so far? Where are the men I sent with her?” He asks, fishing out a smoke from his pocket. 

“James was with her when the accident occurred. He got shot in the arm, so we sent him to get patched up. He’ll be fine, but he said the men were older. Kyle said, they must have been following them for a while, before they even left.” Arthur continues to tell the information. 

“Well let's start searching the area and calling around. We’ve wasted enough time. We need to find her, she’s due any day now.” He speaks in a calm tone and claps his hands as every gets up to get to work on finding you.  

All he knew as he began his search for you was that he needed to find you and fast. He wouldn’t forgive or be able to live with himself if something happened to you and let alone his unborn son. It would be the day hell froze over and Thomas Shelby couldn’t handle going to Hell, not just yet. 

-

You hear the car go down a gravel road before making a sharp stop. You hear the doors open and slam shut, before you are forcibly grabbed to be ushered out the car and into a cold building. You can smell the makings of bread and liquor before you behind a room with a musky smell to it. Your capturer finally lets you go and releases the blindfold from your eyes. You take in the small space of the red brick walls and bags of flour on one side of the room. The room is almost completely dark except for a small light shining from the window from the inside of the building. 

“This is where you’ll stay if your husband ever comes to find you. The guy from the scene speaks in a dark tone, shutting and locking the bolt behind him. There you begin to take steps around the small room, the adrenaline finally leaving your body as you are able to calm down for a moment. It doesn’t take away the fear, making it become more prevalent than before. Your mind worries about James, the baby, and Tommy. You start to take deep breaths to soothe yourself and decide to talk to the baby in your stomach to take your mind off it all. 

“Hey little guy it’s mummy. I just wanted to let you know everything is going to be okay. Mummy is going to protect us while we’re here in this new place. Your daddy is out looking for us, I'm sure of it. He’s going to find us, I promise. All I need you to do, is to stay inside just until daddy comes and finds us. We love you.” You pace around the small dingy room, crying, as your fingers rub your stomach, while trying to get your mind off the situation at hand. 

You didn’t want to put too much stress on your body on top of this already stressful situation. It didn’t help that your baby was supposed to be coming literally any day and now you were far away from his father and family. You hoped Tommy would find you both before you went into labor because you didn’t think you could manage going through it alone, let alone in a dangerous situation as this was. As you sat down against a bag of flour, you closed your eyes to sleep, feeling your son give a small kick, giving you peace. 

-

It was two days later and Tommy was actually closer to finding out where you were. He sent calls down to the docks, Camden town, and city of London to spread the word that you were missing and to be on the lookout. He barely slept more than five hours each night, due to Polly harassing him. Telling him that he would be no good to you tired and out of sorts. Each night he could barely fall asleep with fear gripping his heart about you and wondering if you were okay. Waking up in a cold sweat of him never finding you or finding dead somewhere. 

“We know who took her! We have an address.” John speaks running into his office, as he just arrived to try to think over who wanted to target him.

“Who? Where is she?!” 

“It’s the Malone brothers, they wanted to get revenge on you for that deal. The ones with the guns and the booze. 17 Crown St London, there’s warehouses nearby.” John reads before handing his older brother the piece of paper in his hand, who began staring at it as his last resort. 

“Let’s go give them an even better deal and show them they don’t mess with Thomas Shelby.” He rages as his brother follows, meeting the others in the car as they drive off fast to London. 

-

You had been stuck in this room for two days and felt yourself getting weaker and weaker. All they gave you was small cups of water and a few scraps of bread. You wondered if Tommy was any closer to finding you or if you were going to be kept here forever. You still trusted he was going to find you, but you just hoped he would get there soon, because you couldn’t survive much longer in this condition, especially with the strain of the baby. 

-

“Start looking in all the warehouses and when you find them, save them for me.” He orders as he and the blinders began causing chaos. He and Arthur start checking warehouses together. Once they reach the third, they enter quietly. Walking down the long dark hall following the light at the end. When they get there they see the Malone brothers laughing together.

“Oi boys, sorry to crash the party, but we have some business to handle.” Arthur shoots his gun into the air. 

“Took you long enough to find us.” The eldest Craig, responds as they draw their weapons.

“Think you’ve been in the game too long, that you’re losing your touch.” Darrel, the other man snares. 

“Where’s my wife?!” Thomas close points the gun right in his face. 

“Wouldn’t you like to know. How are you sure we didn’t kill her?” He responds condescendingly, spitting. 

“If she was dead, you wouldn’t be breathing as long as you have.” He takes the the first punch

while Arthur takes the other. Both giving them a pounding and throwing firsts in his face repeatedly. He takes the blade slicing his eyes, blood splattering everywhere. He takes a moment to catch his breath, the adrenaline spurring him on his search to find you. He goes around the corner going down a corridor and he hears banging on a door half way through on the left. He looks at the bolt  taking a second to figure it out, before of twisting the huge bolt, to find you screaming for help. 

“Tommy!” Your voice cries out to him as he takes you into his arms. You can smell the stench of blood on him, but glad to be with him. 

“I’m here love, I’m Here. I’ve got you.” He holds you close to his chest for a second longer before deciding to move you out. He lifts you into his arms holding you tight to his chest, instructing you to close your eyes. Not wanting you to see the messy scene inside the building, as just hearing it was traumatizing enough. You were used to him coming home covered in blood and bruises. You never really had to hear or see physically the chaos caused, more than a good right hook. 

As soon as you get into the car safely. He wipes his face and  has as much blood as possible. Holding you into his side as you drove back home in a silence, that left the air warm. 

-

Once home, Frances and Mary greet you at the door. The doctor is on the couch waiting for you to be checked out. He gives you a clean bill of health and tells you the baby is healthy, which makes you both breathe a sigh of relief. Tommy helps you up the stairs and gives you both a hot shower. He lotions your body and dresses you in the warmest pajamas you have. He asks Mary to bring you some soup and tea for dinner knowing you had to be hungry. You just sit in silence trying to soak your safety net back in. 

Tommy just sits at the side of the bed in a chair, not sure what to say, having too much on his mind that the word vomit was ready to come out but he was holding it in. Waiting for you to make the move to release your emotions. It happens right after you finish your dinner, Frances comes saying he’s wanted on the phone. You can feel your heart drop, not wanting him to leave the room. To be out of your sight. You needed him, you needed his comfort.

“Please don’t get the phone. Stay.” You plead quietly, he tells her to take a message, rushing over to you as the dam breaks and you begin soaking his shoulder with warm tears. Tears of many emotions. 

“Shh..Shh. I'm not going anywhere love. I’m going to stay right here. Talk to me.” He pleads fingers rubbing your back in comforting circles.

“I was so scared. I knew you would come rescue us, I told him you would. You did but I can’t stop wondering if you didn’t or if you got hurt saving us.” Your fingers clutch him tightly, hiding your face in the crook of his neck.

“I was scared too, but I made you a promise on the day we started dating and when we wed, that i’ll always protect you. I’ll always save you from danger and rescue you. You’re my wife and I love you too much to think of what life would be like without you. We’re having a baby, and it’s my job to protect him. I’m sorry I got you both in that situation.”  He wipes the remainder of your tears away with the pad of his thumbs, looking into your eyes with fondness.

“You’re forgiven. I love you so much Tommy.” You pull his face to meet your to kiss the man that had your heart forever. 

“Please tell me you weren’t too hard on James. I didn’t want any bloodshed and I couldn't stop thinking about if that was our kid. I know they’re supposed to be dangerous, but I didn't want anyone to get hurt.” You speak after a few minutes of silence, the young lad making its way back to your thoughts. You  knew he trusted your judgment and trusted you even in that situation. 

You were one to hold your own and all his men respected you. When you meant business they followed your orders. With the young peaky men they respected you as much as they admired you. You got along with Finn, Michael, Isaiah, and James. They followed your orders but you would also spoil them sometimes with sweets or buying them lunch when at the office which would earn you a scolding from Tommy sometimes. That they’re meant to help and be tough, but you treated them like the growing men (boys) they were. They appreciated it secretly. 

“He’s good love, at home resting so he can get back to the gang.” He squeezes your hand in his. It’s just quiet a moment, just you two admiring the other after being away from the other. 

“Let’s get some rest, doll.” He pecks your lips, before tucking you in one your side of the bed as you turn to face his side. He slips in coming as close as possible with your bump between the two of you. You fall asleep with the comfort of your husband and quietness of your home. 

- 

It was the next morning when you awoke to aching back and cramps in your abdomen. The baby was moving around profusely in your stomach, as you decided to slip out of bed to pace around the room. Tom laid in bed with a peaceful expression on his face, snoring lightly as you stood watching the sun come up through the blinds. Having the window open just a small crack from fresh air to help alleviate the symptoms you were feeling. It’s only an hour later when you hear Tom stir, due to the creaking of the bed, the weight of his body shifting upward. His knuckles rub the sleep out of his eyes, before grabbing his glasses, off his nightstand, eyes finally coming in contact with yours. 

“What are you doing out of bed love?” His voice rasps, as you make your way toward him. 

“Couldn’t sleep, the little one in there might be ready to make his appearance.” You smile down at him, watching his expression match yours, as he entagles your fingers together. 

“I’ll keep Pol on speed dial. For now, let’s have some breakfast, as we wait.” You nod, pulling him along downstairs to eat. 

It was only after breakfast, did your water break when you were making your way to the living room.

-

Twelve hours later after a long time waiting, screaming, and then pushing all with Tommy and Polly by your side was your son, finally in your arms. He was no bigger than half a foot tall and looked adorable already even in his first minutes on the outside world. You were sitting up holding him in your arms admiring him with Tommy who was full of joy. 

“I can’t believe we made this.” He whispers, pressing a kiss against your temple. 

“Neither can I. He’s ours and I couldn't imagine doing life without you by our side.” You speak as the door creaks open, revealing the Shelby clan.

“Everyone meet Liam Michael Shelby.” Tommy says proudly holding his son in his arms as the family gathers around to take turns holding him. All congratulating you both and talking about how cute he was already. 

Tommy knew in that moment how truly lucky he was to be experiencing this moment. Although fear still gripped his heart, he knew, he would forever protect you and his son, no matter the trouble that came along.

-

Taglist:

@captivatedbycillianmurphy​

[i-may-have-a-point]

Review of 17x14 “Look Up Child”

It has been three years since I wrote my last review of a Grey’s Anatomy episode.  After Sarah left, I stepped away from my fan accounts and did not plan on ever looking back.  Somehow though, through the dedication of our captains and the strength of the Japril fandom, we got one more episode that confirmed what we have known all along – Japril is forever.  

The episode opens to Jackson driving through a storm and we can see in his eyes that he is fighting an internal storm as well.  He winces at his injured hand while his mind flashes through thoughts of holding Harriet with April for the first time, the pain of watching April marry Matthew, and meeting his dad.  These moments, along with many others have led Jackson yearning for more out of life, and so he returns to Montana hopeful he will find answers there.

The last thing Robert Avery expects, for a second time, is to find the son he left behind standing in the doorway of his restaurant.  

“Everybody alive?” Robert asks.

Jackson making this journey again, after the way they left things before, could only be for one reason in Robert’s mind.  Jackson reassures him that is not the reason he came, and Robert relaxes easily into his friendly charm, offering coffee and a place for Jackson to “take a load off.”  He has no idea of the “load” Jackson truly bears.

Robert is awaiting the arrival of his co-worker so they can deliver pre-packaged meals to families in need in their community.  This gesture may seem small, but to Jackson, this is a subtle sign that he on the right path.  There is more he can do than what he has found within the walls of Grey-Sloan Memorial. Their small talk is awkward, and Jackson wants to get right to what he came for – answers.  Robert has other ideas.  There are sandwiches to be made and they can talk while they work.

After following Robert to the porch, Jackson realizes this sandwich-making process is going to be more time-consuming than he thought.  And so is getting the answers he came for.  He reiterates to Robert that he doesn’t want anything from him – not turkey, not coffee – just answers.

Jackson presses his dad for information about why he left the foundation, the problems he saw with it, and Catherine’s perspective on it all while Robert deflects the questions with vague answers and praise of the ham and turkey sandwich.  Robert is not ready to answer these questions because answering them would mean dealing with the memories of the past and the regret he carries.  So instead, he smiles kindly and puts Jackson in charge of the meat slicer, which leads to the first moment in Jackson’s life where his dad taught him how to do something. (Although we all know he didn’t teach him well!) This interaction allows Jackson to let his guard down just slightly and they find they have some common views on the Avery name, money, and pressure that comes with it all.  Jackson tries some of Robert’s “best in the state” turkey and Robert opens up about his own shame and abandonment by his father. It seems pain runs through generations of Avery men.

Maybe it is that realization, or the cup of Robert’s coffee in his hand, that makes Jackson relax enough to begin opening up.  He shares his desire to do more to change the system has seen fail so many people.  He isn’t even sure if he can, but he knows he feels compelled to try.  Robert agrees that people should do what makes them happy.  He did and he “never looks back.”

But Jackson does.  He can’t stop looking back and wondering why his dad was absent from every moment that mattered.  

“I realize that it’s really messed me up…pretty badly. And, um, it just made it hard to maintain relationships and stuff.  Having this inclination to run away all the time.  And I know, I know, running away doesn’t actually solve anything.  I know that. So…and I’ve tried.  I’ve tried really hard to rid myself of the shame and the pain that comes with all that, and uh, you know just kind of doubled-down on being the best at everything – the best father I could possibly be.  I probably stayed in my marriage longer than I should have, went along with foundation business longer than I should have, but no matter what, when it gets rough I just end up right there, running into the woods trying to fight the you in me.”

What begins as a tearful explanation builds to all of Jackson’s pent-up emotions overflowing at his dad.  He is distracted and emotional, cutting his hand on the slicer with blood pouring out, while his heart pours out at the same time.  

Robert tends to Jackson’s injury, and they both feel it is a simple gesture that holds more weight than they know what to do with.  Robert tries to make light of the situation by joking about a family practice, but it is the idea of them as family that sends Jackson to find fresh air on the porch. It is here where Robert finally answers Jackson’s question of “Why?”

Running is what Robert does when things get too difficult, and that is what makes Jackson so afraid. He feels the same pull.  Just before he cut his hand, he was running down the long list of things he feels he has done wrong. Does he truly believe he stayed in his marriage too long?  No. But to Jackson that is just one more way he is like his dad.  He is so messed up by the fear of turning into Robert that he breaks things off before they get too difficult, before he gets to the point Robert did.  If he can maintain a safe distance to the important things in his life, he won’t lose them and he won’t be like Robert.  “My divorce…maybe that would have been a good time for you to step in and share some wisdom.”  This isn’t who Jackson wants to be, but he is too scared of moving in either direction – scared of moving both toward or away from the things that matter, like April.  So instead, he suffers in an ambiguous middle ground.  One where he hasn’t completely abandoned anyone or anything and one where he hasn’t fully committed to anything either.  It is a balance he has tried to find for years, but it is also what is breaking him now.  

Truth be told, even Robert cannot fully run from what matters.  From his cabin in the woods, he admits that everyday he regrets leaving, and he buys gifts for a little girl he has never met in hopes that one day he will.

“You’re not a runner. If you were, you’d have been long gone by now…you have it in your soul to do the right thing.  To makes things right.  And you didn’t just fix a disaster, you made it better…on your worst day, you are ten times the man I am.”

And it is with those words Jackson makes his decision.  He is going to do the right thing.  He is going to take what seems like a disaster and make it better.

Arriving back in Seattle, Jackson goes straight to the people who matter most.  

Catherine is his first stop. He needs her blessing to take over the foundation.  Their money and influence can make life better for all people by bringing justice and equity to medicine and build a better future for Harriet.  Catherine’s Mama-heart breaks a little to see him go, but she cannot deny how proud of him she is.

With the rain still coming down, Jackson rings April’s doorbell and stresses over how he is going to approach asking her to move across the country for him.  How can he explain to her that this is not impulsive, this is not something he is doing on a whim?  

Yet, when the door opens, all his insecurities are quickly forgotten because seeing April only reminds him of why they have always been each other’s person and how she has always trusted him no matter what.  She trusted him the night of the boards with her heart and virginity, she trusted him with the decision to induce her pregnancy with Samuel to stop his pain, and she trusted him to run away from her wedding and the life she thought she was supposed to have.  But this is different.  So much has changed in the past few years.  Would she trust him now?

Jackson will have to wait to find out, though, because April is frantic.  Harriet is sick and April cannot get her fever down.  Jackson sees how stressed she is and immediately gives April what she needs.  He takes Harriet into her arms, both consoling her and helping April calm down and have a moment to breathe.  They fall into their usual banter and affectionate teasing.

Their conversations and interactions throughout the episode give us small glimpses of what we should have had the past several years had their story been written they way it should have been.  They naturally fall into their place as the loving, concerned parents unable to sleep while caring for their daughter.  They move through the house and around each other as if this is a familiar dance that they have done hundred times before.

Harriet’s sickness doesn’t seem to be the only thing April is stressed about.  Her living room is strewn with laundry and she quickly tries to clean it up while Jackson reassures her in his “bank voice” that it is fine. Too many pillows, but otherwise, fine. Jackson continues Daddy Duty by dancing with his daughter and April gets a chance to take a much-needed shower…until the storm knocks the power out.

Jackson and April alone at night in a storm, surrounded by candles, is the perfect set-up for an epic reunion, and while they may not have utilized the kitchen counter like we wanted them, too, they did reconnect on a level of clarity and maturity that shows how much they have grown.

There is also that not-so-little issue of Matthew.  Japril fans spotted early on that April was missing a particularly important ring, but it was even more telling when Jackson asked her directly if her and Matthew are happy, and she responded with simply, “We are busy.”  For a marriage that the terrible writing of season 14 wanted us to believe was ordained by God, how sad that you can’t even pretend to be happy. That one line conveyed so much more than what was stated.  It was clear from that point that Matthew and April’s marriage was over.

April is not the only one beating around the bush.  She quickly calls Jackson out on his “cagey” behavior of commenting on her exposed brick instead of saying why he actually showed up at her house late at night in the middle of a storm.  She can read him so well she knows there is something more, which is when we finally find out his plan – he is going to take over the Avery Foundation. The catch is, that means Jackson, as well as April and her family, have to move to Boston.

April responds by questioning if this is what Jackson actually wants because it never was before.  Is he going to move to Boston and then fail or regret his decision?  And while this seems unsupportive and harsh, April has to ask these questions because, as we find out later, that is exactly what happened to her.  She thought she was choosing the right path by marrying Matthew, but not only has their marriage failed, she regrets that they even tried. But Jackson doesn’t know this yet, so to defend his decision he uses Matthew proposing to April as an example of how he unconditionally supported her which not only hints at Jackson’s jealousy, but reinforces April’s fear that making a decision this big may not be the best choice.  She sees happiness for Jackson in the safe choice.  He can continue to rebuild faces, give little boy’s hands, and help people breathe again.  Maybe if she can convince him to stay with what he knows he won’t feel the hurt she is feeling right now. “Why would you want to give all that up?”

Jackson knows he can do all of that and more in Boston.  He can make a positive change in medicine, April can continue her work with the homeless, and Matthew will just follow because it is April, and that is the one reason Jackson likes him.  “He is gonna want to follow you anywhere.”  Jackson understands the urge to follow April anywhere.  The night continues with wine, snacks, and comfortable conversation but they don’t come to an agreement on what their future holds.

The storm breaks and morning comes.  Jackson, recognizing that April has been overwhelmed lets her sleep in, and she wakes up to the sounds of Harriet and Jackson happily eating breakfast and we get a glimpse of their happy, family mornings that we all know Boston will bring.  The three of them laugh and talk over pancakes, orange juice, and throw pillows and April admits that she should have been more supportive of Jackson’s plans.  If only they could get their timing right.  

The morning has brought with it clarity for April and she tells Jackson her answer is yes.  Yes, she believes he is “that guy.” Yes, she believes this could work.  Yes, they are going to Boston.  Shocked and surprised, Jackson offers to help talk to Matthew, but we find out that won’t be necessary.  As most of us suspected, the marriage that should have never happened is over.  One of the best lines of the episode is the slight dig that the writers (Sarah/Jesse?) took at the ridiculous story of April marrying Matthew.  “We kept trying to tell ourselves that our whole winding road was God’s plan to bring us back together.  But he was still so angry and hurt.  I mean, I left him at the altar and his wife died.  You know, you don’t just stop feeling hurt ‘cause it’s a better story if God brought us together in our pain.”  Enough said. And as much as we are not sad to see Matthew go, April is hurting, and Jackson recognizes that.  He takes her hand in a small gesture of comfort because he never wants to see her in pain.  (Thank you, Jesse, for improvising that.)  He gave her a reason to smile again.  Their family has a fresh start ahead in Boston.  

The episode closes with Harriet calling out for “Mommy and Daddy” as Jackson pulls April into a hug before leaving to prepare for their move, and April folds perfectly into his arms where she is supposed to be.  Fingers crossed for new horizons.  Maybe they finally did get their timing right.

[mrsgiovanna]

The confession (Don Giorno x Fem! Reader

A cute request from a nonnie mouse, I hope this is what you were looking for my sweet 🥰💭💜🐞

No warnings, just fluff

Word count: 1506

“Buongiorno, Gio, I have the documents you requested yesterday,” you greeted the young mafia Don with a sunny smile as you handed the envelope to him.

“Buongiorno (y/n), thank you so much for getting these to me as quickly as you did, I really appreciate it. I’m sorry for just springing this on you as well,” Giorno apologized, returning your smile with one of his own.

Ever since Giorno had taken over Passione, you had been his support structure, whether it was help with the copious amounts of documentation he had to go through or intricate missions that he trusted nobody other than you with, you were always ready to serve your Don. Similarly, you could always rely on Giorno for anything. Everything you both did was aimed at protecting each other, and there was nothing that you wouldn’t do for each other. Mista Fugo and Trish always commented that you and Giorno always behaved like a couple, earning dismissive laughs from you both. Sure, you both cared deeply for each other, but a couple? No, you were certain he didn’t think of you in that way.

Just as you turned to leave, Giorno had called you back, asking you to stay for the meeting he was going to have with the Capos and Mista. No sooner had you taken your seat, had Mista brought everyone in. You sat quietly, offering your input when requested, keeping your game face on for the duration of the time. There was one Capo however, that took advantage of every opportunity he had to address you, either directly with his questions or indirectly with his flirtatious glances.

You had only encountered Lucian a few times prior to this, each time proving to more difficult than the last, however, he has never openly behaved this way in front of Giorno before. You wished they would conclude their agenda so you could escape his piercing gaze.

“Well, if that’s everything, this meeting is adjourned,” said Giorno, almost as if he was able to read your mind, bringing the meeting to a close.

“If that’s all, (y/n), would you mind walking with me, there’s something I’d like to speak to you about, I won’t take too much of your time,” said Lucian to you.

You wordlessly looked towards Giorno, and sought his permission to leave, which he gave you with a curt nod, as his intense eyes followed you until you disappeared out the door.

“You’re scowling Giorno,” Mista was somewhat amused but he actually felt bad for his friend. Whether it was confusion or just awkwardness regarding these matters, you and the emerald-eyed man have been dancing around this issue for the longest time. It was becoming tedious to watch. Perhaps the threat of another person potentially taking you away would force Giorno to give a definition to his feelings.

Mista watched him intently, deciding to speak frankly, “You know you’re in love with her… and you know she loves you too. I don’t know what it is that’s tripping you both up, but I know you can’t keep doing this forever. She’s young and beautiful and will attract the attention of others who will be more brazen in their approach. If not Lucian, then someone else will take her from you.” The gravity of Mista’s words hit Giorno all at once. Before he could say anything more, Mista had returned his attention to what he was reading, and you had returned to the room with a soft smile on your face.

“What was that about?”

“Oh, he just needed my input on one of new territories he’s taking over, we’re meeting for dinner later,” you explained nonchalantly, unable to pick up on Giorno’s discomfort.

“Dinner? Like a date? Pried the young Don, trying to think about how best to thwart these plans.

“No… yes… I guess it is a date. He seemed excited enough…”

“I see…”

“You two are beyond frustrating, I’ll see you later,” with that Mista left in an exasperated huff.

You looked at Giorno, wondering what annoyed the gunslinger to that extent, but he just shrugged it off.

The rest of the day was spent quietly working, and the hours passed by faster than you would have liked them to.

“I think we’ve made good progress today, is there anything else I can do for you before I leave?” you ask as you start gathering your things to make your exit.

“Thanks, I think we’ve covered everything… can I send one of the drivers with you? Oh, I’ll send a guard too, I’m sure none of them would mind, they’re all very fond of you and…”

“Giorno, it’s fine, it’s not such a big deal, just dinner, and I can take care of myself you know. Or have you forgotten the times I’ve beaten you while we were sparring?”

“Beat me? I let you win… I… I miss those times…” The sad smile on his face mirrored your own feelings, this nostalgia was bitter sweet.

“Me too… we should make time to do those things again… well I should go now, see you tomorrow Gio,”. Giorno sadly watched as you exited his study for the second time that day, feelings of guilt and jealously overtook his senses in waves. He wanted you to be happy, but he could no longer ignore the glaringly obvious fact that he wanted- no, needed- to be the one to make you happy.

You decided to stop at Mista’s house before going home. You wanted to make sure he was okay after the way he left earlier.

“Hey Mista,”

“(y/n), what are you doing here? Did something happen?” said Mista in a concerned voice as he stepped aside to let you in.

“No, no, I came to see how you were doing… You were acting a bit weird this morning, is everything okay?” you ask as you walked in. You always thought of Mista as an older brother, he messed with you incessantly, but you could always talk to him about the things that mattered.

“Ah, haha, I’m fine, you didn’t have to come all this way, don’t you have somewhere to be?”

“You creep, I came all this way to check on you and you sound like you want to get rid of me,” you said, playfully punching him on the arm.

“Whatever, gallinella, so is everything okay with you?”

As you and Mista spent some time chatting in general, you felt a sense of calm slowly permeate your mind. With this clarity, you also realized you forgot to tell Giorno about a very important meeting he needed to be at early the next day. Just as you fished out your cellphone to call him and let him know, Mista’s phone rang.

“Oh its Giorno,”

“Perfect, Mista can you place the call on speaker please, I need to talk to him really quickly,”

With a nod, he answers the call, “Hi Giorno, listen (y/n) is…”

“You were right Mista, you were right about everything. I’m completely in love with (y/n) and I don’t know what to do. Should I just pretend? Should I tell her?”

“You just did… I was going to tell you that I put you on speaker because she was here and wanted to talk to you, but you just kept talking…”

“Goddammit Mista!”

“Hey don’t blame me, anyway , I think you should call her…” suggested Mista as he gave you some space to process the information you had just become privy to.

Your eyes grew larger than saucers and your breath hitched in your throat, you couldn’t believe Giorno felt that way. No sooner had he hung up on Mista, did you see his name popping up on your caller ID.

“(y/n), I suppose you heard all of that… even though I didn’t want you to find out like this, I meant every word. I know you have other plans tonight, but can we please talk about this tomorrow?” explained Giorno.

“I did… I heard everything. I’ll cancel my plans tonight, I can’t go with him in good conscience after all of that, it’s not fair to anyone,”

“I won’t tell you what to do, and I’ll be respectful of whatever you decide, I just feel we need to talk…”

“Thank you Gio, and yes I agree, we’ll talk when I see you tomorrow…” you respond, the smile on your face was almost audible in the happy lilt your voice carried.

“Alright then tesoro, well, have a good evening, be safe on your way home.”

After saying goodbye to Mista and driving yourself home, you had the awkward task of calling Lucian, who was more understanding than you gave him credit for. For the rest of your night, your thoughts kept returning to Giorno, and it was then that you realized exactly how deep your feelings for him ran. With those sweet feelings effervescing in your chest, you went to sleep with a smile on your face, dreaming about what the future might hold for you both.

[that-bi-bitch-writes]

A Cursed Reality- JJk x Male Reader (Ch.5)

This chapter is a little longer than usual and very dialogue heavy. (also plenty of swearing). Sorry if the scene is disappointing but I'm not super good at fight scenes and I'm hoping to develop them as I go on. Also if I made [Name] OP then everything would be over too quickly.

Let me know what you think about the chapter in the comments (or the tags!!) enjoy

Last || Next

Chapter Five:

“Kugisaki-chan. Be honest with me. On a scale of Gojo to Yuji how stupid do you think I am?”

“Eh? Do you really want me to answer that?”

“... Yes”

“If I had to pick an idiot I’d say Gojo-sensei. He at least has the brain power to understand jujutsu. I mean he’s a childish and immature old man who ignores what’s staring him right in his face but he wouldn’t ask me what animal the pink panther was.”

[Name] uttered out a confused thank you before thinking ‘I have got to stop starting conversations like this’

He almost never gets the answer he wants. It’s like as soon as he asks the question he becomes humanized and not a mysterious special grade sorcerer a few seconds from ending someone’s life for finishing off the fruit snacks. (Based on a true story. Gojo can confirm.)

“You’re welcome. Why’d you ask anyway?”

“Actually I think I’ll jinx it if I talk about it. Plus I don’t want you to think poorly of your ‘superiors’ but let’s just say there are people plotting behind my back and I’m wondering if I have idiot written across the top of my head”

“Okay... “

“On a lighter note, do you think any of the other first years know how close we are?”

“I was asked whether or not the Pink Panther was a lion and spoken to in 6 word sentences just yesterday. You’re the only person I can hang out with. The other two are people I spend time with”

“What about Maki?”

“That’s totally different. You should know you have a totally different relationship with Gojo and Inumaki.”

“Explain”

“You and Gojo fight and tease each other like siblings or something and you and Inumaki spend time alone. Together. And sometimes you like go out and eat food and stuff”

“You make it sound like we’re dating”

“You’re not?”

“No”

“Hmm”

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Name] absolutely hates talking on the phone and everyone knows this. Facetime has been like a happy medium whenever people need to get in touch with him but it’s still extremely annoying to have to have a face to face conversation over the phone.

“Why are you calling me Gojo?”

“My precious little [Name] I was just checking up on you to see how your day off is going?”

“It was going fine until you called and interrupted my peace”

“Don’t be like that [Name] I know you miss me”

“As if- No puppy- WAIT!”

Gojo furrowed his eyebrows “[Name]-chan?”

“Hmm?”

“Since when do you have a pet?”

“I made Fushiguro give me one of his divine dogs”

“Aww. That’s so sweet of Megumi. But you can’t keep calling him puppy. Give him a real name”

“He does have a real name I call him yu-yu”

“So who were you calling Puppy?”

“...Yuji”

“.....”

“Don’t make it weird”

“It’s already weird”

“Look me in the camera and tell me he doesn’t remind you of like a golden retriever or somethin”

“You made several points but still”

“It’s supposed to be derogatory”

“It’s a pet name”

“He’s hyper, adorable and excitable. I’m pointing out the obvious. Me calling him puppy has the same energy as calling someone four eyes”

“It does not”

“....I have to go Yuji just found out about Megan Thee Stallion”

----------------------------------------------

“Are you a Fall out boy emo or like Lorde sad boy?”

“That’s a loaded question”

“It most definitely is” [Name] replied holding back laughter “But I can like, vibe to either one so just play whatever music you like and I’ll enhance the atmosphere.”

“...Okay”

That day was definitely the most relaxed Fushiguro had been in weeks, and [Name] learned some very interesting things about Fushiguro’s…. tastes. They definitely had some things in common.

-------------------------------------------------

“You’re sending me on a mission”

“Yes”

“Alone?”

“[L.Name] you’re a special grade sorcerer. You can handle a first-grade curse on your own”

“I most definitely can, but so can others. Both Gojo and Okkotsu are away on missions. Are you telling me in your expert wisdom, you’re making the choice to dispatch all of the Special Grade sorcerer’s for first-grade curses? What if something happens on home turf.”

“I assure you if there’s an attack on the school Principal Yaga can handle the threat.”

“I’m not talking about the school.”

There was a brief silence in which [Name] just stared “You have your orders”

“I do”

And [Name] absolutely did have his orders. Ones that aligned with his personal feelings. You see, a little while ago Gojo ordered [Name] to protect Yuji. And if anything were to happen to the precious angel, it would be the one day that both he and Gojo were away. Yaga cares more for the rules than Gojo or [Name]. That was one thing [Name] didn’t like about both Yaga and Nanami. They cared about the kids, but only to an extent. In their eyes the kids would die out or grow older but rules wouldn’t change, and Yuji’s life mattered less to them than the stagnant outdated rules.

The larger problem was whether or not [Name] was willing to face the consequences for not following orders from the “respected” higher ups. Then there was the whole issue of actual people being in danger and that wouldn’t go over well, not with the old assholes nor with [Name]’s conscience.

‘I fucking hate Satoru.’ [Name] thought as he set out to do actual work. Ever since he got sent on that mission he found himself caring for more and more people. If he was going to exorcise the curse and return to make sure Yuji and the others first years were all safe, he would have to race against the clock. There was no doubt in his mind that something was going to happen today and he knew Sukuna wouldn’t let Yuji die without a fight.

---------------------------------------------------------------

“What the actual fuck is going on anymore?? THREE FIRST YEARS WERE SENT TO DEFEAT A WHAT?” [Name] yelled into the phone

“A cursed womb”

“Say it as it really is Ijichi! They were sent in to fight a fucking special grade curse. They’re barely equipped to fight a second grade curse, and it isn’t as if having you there is going to help them much”

Ijichi flinched at that. [Name] only went for low blows when he was pissed, and it was obvious pretty soon someone would have to face his wrath. And because he knew what was best for his safety and peace of mind, Ijichi answered [Name]’s question before he asked

“I warned them not to engage a special grade so they should be fine until you get here. I lowered the curtain myself so you’ll be able to get in. They’re at Eishu Juvenile Detention Center”

“I’ll be there in 10”

[Name] would probably make it in less time than that but he always made sure to be careful with making promises. There was always a chance he would run into some issues on the way there. Grabbing his things, he set out for the detention center hoping Nobara and Megumi were okay. Yuji was stronger than those two, though Megumi could be a suicidal idiot at times. If things got anymore serious they’d let Sukuna out, but that would be a whole other problem.

“Ijichi, i’m here”

“...[Name]”

“What?”

“Kugisaki is hurt. I'm driving back to the school.”

“If you’re driving back, why is the curtain still up?”

“Fushiguro went back in to deal with Sukuna who’s more than likely already taken care of the curse I recommend-”

[Name] hung up. “Fucking rule followers and their precious higher ups. And look what a mess I have to take care of” he said as he looked up at the curtain. He sighed and then walked through

“I don’t feel a curse- is that megumi” [Name] thought aloud

“He ain’t coming back” Sukuna teased “Don’t worry I’m in a good mood. Let’s talk”

“I’m not feeling particularly chatty” [Name] called out. Fushiguro and Sukuna turned to the second year in shock

“Fushiguro you should go”

“No. I’m not leaving you alone. And besides it’s my responsibility-”

“Do you think I’m here to kill Yuji?”

“...”

“I’m here to rescue your sorry asses. I was sent on a mission earlier and came back in a hurry to make sure you were okay. I’m a little sad I don’t get to meet the curse that hurt poor Kugisaki-chan but he’ll make do” [Name]’s voice became darker the longer he went on

“My fighting skill is nowhere near the level of Maki’s, but my cursed technique on the other hand… Don’t worry, Yuji’ll make it out alive”

Fushiguro hesitated. He trusted [Name], it was Sukuna who was the problem. The curse was cunning and took advantage of Fushiguro’s hesitation to enact his plan

“It seems he’s having a hard time changing back” Sukuna started “This must be a side effect of using me without restrictions. It’s most likely only a matter of time though… So i’ve been thinking about my next move.”

Before [Name] or Fushiguro could realize, Sukuna had ripped Yuji’s heart out, smiling as blood dripped out of his mouth and the gaping hole in his chest. The two of them froze. If he were at his best [Name] would’ve been able to stop Sukuna from continuing to monologue or even from swallowing another of his fingers. But he had defeated a first grade curse, dealt with the higher ups and rushed to the first years’ rescue within 3 hours.

Fushiguro seemed to follow the conversation as [Name] just stood there, his ears ringing as if he were standing too close to a bomb that went off.

“Itadori will return” Megumi said confidently “Even if it means his death. He’s that kind of guy”

And Megumi was right, [Name] knew of it. So he made a sacrifice. Fushiguro would have to deal with Sukuna while [Name] figured out what to do next. With two fingers Sukuna might’ve been able to resist [Name]’s compulsion. ‘No’ he thought ‘it would take a few more fingers before he was that strong.’

“Stop”

The both of them froze in place. There was a trail of blood running down Yuji’s chest but [Name] could tell Sukuna had done more damage to Megumi than Megumi had done to Yuji’s body

“Stay out of my way Megumi” [Name] said before looking in Sukuna’s eyes “Yuji, if you can hear me. I’m sorry”

“This brat’s not worth the effort” Sukuna smirked. He may not have been able to move but he was going to try and tempt the second year into losing his composure.

“Choke”

Sukuna began to gargle on the blood that was supposed to be pumping through Yuji’s body. Choking, he fell on the ground. Megumi’s eyes widened and he moved to say something but [Name] shot him a desperate, angry look picking up Yuji’s discarded heart shoving it into the empty cavity.

“Heal Him”

“It’s too late [Name]”

“Yuji?? No! NO! YUJI! SWITCH BACK I CAN MAKE HIM HEAL YOU”

“Megumi. [Name]. And Kugisaki and Gojo-sensei. Well I guess I don’t have to worry about him. Live a long life okay?” Yuji smiled as tears dripped onto his face

“I Heard A Rumor” [Name] whispered “That nothing happened and you were gonna be okay”

“What a nice rumor senpai” “Yuji whispered back before the light in his eyes faded

Fushiguro laid a hand on [Name]’s shoulder looking up to the sky as he tried to keep from crying. [Name] let out a pained scream shocking Fushiguro. Megumi wrapped his arms around [Name] trying to pull him up and meeting resistance Fushiguro just walked toward the exit before stopping. Without looking back he said “I’ll send Gojo to collect you both” and then walked off.

Gojo did come back to pick up the body and the shell shocked [Name] but when he showed up there was nothing there. As if the land behind the two had just up and walked away. Gojo wasn’t informed of [Name]’s rumor but assumed the boy did it out of rage. He was the only one able to wipe a location off the map so cleanly. What he didn’t realize that if the land had returned to its natural state as if nothing had ever happened, Yuji was bound to be okay

[sailormoonandme]

Why does Usagi think Mamoru might leave/cheat on her?

Occasionally during Sailor Moon R, S and SuperS Usagi seemed to have these moments of insecurity where she was concerned that Mamoru was either interested in other people or else other people might make a play for him.

The real life reason for this I suspect is simply because Sailor Moon has a lot of sitcom sensibilities alongside it’s romantic elements, so milking comedy from a romantic topic by having our lead act over the top or goofy is a logical writing tool to reach for. Especially when you have such a large quantity of episodes to produce.

However, I have a more in-universe explanation to propose.

In real life Usagi’s behaviour would most likely be connected to trust issues with her partner, with other people or else concerns about her own inadequacies. However, I don’t think that’s the case here.

Rather, I think it’s actually far more connected to the numerous times Usagi has loved and ‘lost’ Mamoru.

Back in the Silver Millennium days there was this low key implication that romantic mingling between the Moon Princess and Earth Prince was somehow forbidden. After all when Endymion came to the Moon and tried to warn Serenity about Metalia and Beryl the royal guards chased him away and he needed to disguise himself. So from Serenity’s POV the social system she was living in was limiting her ability to be with the man she loved and made their future together at best uncertain.  

Now, I admit that’s perhaps a bit too big of an extrapolation to draw from, especially for the anime version of the characters where we got far less info about their past lives. However, the more significant part here is the fact that Endymion was taken from her when he was killed by the Dark Kingdom. Seeing her lover murdered in front of her whilst her home were also being destroyed (and her friends killed) would obviously be very traumatic, particularly if Serenity was mentally and physically the equivalent of a fourteen year old like Usagi.  

In her next life she was crushing very hard on Tuxedo Mask who routinely showed up to aid her and then rarely lingered. That’s not exactly traumatic, but the early days of their relationship would’ve still been founded by Usagi seeing the person she wants to stick around and spend time with her leave her when she wouldn’t want him to.

She also feared Tuxedo Mask had died in episode 13 when Jadeite announced that he’d killed him. True, he was revealed as alive and well shortly afterwards, but the horror of that moment (however brief it may’ve been) could’ve stuck with Usagi.

Then, in the iconic 34th episode of the show, Mamoru was violently impaled right in front of her. We can debate if he died and was consequently revived by the Dark Kingdom or if he was merely close to death before his abduction. But either way that’d inevitably be an instance where Usagi once again traumatically lost the man she loved, or at least came extremely close to doing so if not for the emotion of the moment re-awaking her old memories.

Speaking of which, as episode 35-36 make clear, the mere act of abruptly regaining all her memories would be emotionally wrenching all on it’s own. When combined with the tragic and traumatic nature of those memories, it’s far from unbelievable that subconsciously this would further mark Usagi’s psyche.  

The reveal that her lover is alive but no longer remembers her and is actively a threat to her now would obviously compound this. As would the fact that in episode 36 he uses a rose to hurt her. It’s not a serious wound at all, but he still hurt her and used an object that up until then he’d used explicitly to help and protect her. Within Usagi’s mind his roses would’ve likely been ‘coded’ with positive emotions, so seeing them used in that way would’ve been further upsetting for her, in essence a perversion of what they should  mean to her mind. The roses now being black are an apt metaphor for this point.  

Of course during the final stretch of episodes in season 1 Usagi almost  restores Mamoru. But that’s the key here, she almost  succeeds. First it the ski episode where he briefly seems to break out of his brainwashing and then again in the episode where Ryo (and the other Rainbow Crystal hosts) returns. In the latter she actually succeeds in restoring him to normal but he’s abducted immediately once again. Not only did Usagi lose Mamoru a few more times but her active efforts to bring him back to her failed.

We then come to the most traumatic events in Usagi’s second life (up to that point), episodes 44-46.

In episode 44, not only did she once again re-experience the tragic destruction of the Silver Millennium, but she got a ‘bird’s eye view’ of everything that happened, including the specific moments she, Endymion, her friends and even her mother died. True, her sadness or trauma over everyone else isn’t specific to her losing Endymion/Mamoru, however because these events happen so close together and are connected it’s not unbelievable that Usagi’s mind might’ve created an association. So her pain over seeing her mother die is associated also with her ‘losing’ Endymion as well. By that same token, the death of her beloved friends in episode 45 might’ve consequently become associated with what happened next.  

In episode 46 Usagi is outright attacked by a brainwashed Endymion. First she sees him loyally serving her enemy who (by proxy) murdered her friends like an hour ago. Worse she might’ve picked up on the obvious romantic undertones between Beryl and Endymion, including him kissing her hand, and let’s not forget in the flashback from episode 44 Beryl clearly desired Endymion. Whilst intellectually Usagi might know he’s not in his right mind, emotionally seeing him like that with Beryl in that context could emotionally upset her, almost as though he was betraying their love in the worst possible way.  

Endymion’s efforts against her are also significantly more violent and active than anything he did before since episode 36. Dashing a rose across the back of her hand pales in comparison to ensnaring her and shocking her with his roses. Not to mention trying to slice her up with the very same sword he would’ve used to defend her in the Silver Millennium. Even if you don’t buy into my point about perverting these symbols of their relationship, the mere act of him hurting her and trying to murder her like that is going to obviously be emotionally arresting.

In a sense in those horrible moments for Usagi Endymion/Mamoru really was ‘lost’ to her, he merely looked  like her lover. This I think is why it was significant that she actually fought  back against him with her tiara. But since he still looked like her lover and intellectually she knew he wasn’t to blame (and emotionally hoped he was still salvageable) her own act of self-defence horrified her.  

Of course she does save him, but then he dies again. Depending on how you look at it, from Usagi’s POV this is at least the second  time he’s really died and that number climbs higher if you include his presumed death in episode 13 and the number of times she had to re-experience his death in the Silver Millennium. And that isn’t even counting traumatic dreams about him dying in the aftermath of episodes 34-35. It doesn’t help that his mortal injuries in episode 46 are eerily similar to the ones he sustained in episode 34, namely a violent impalement.

We might even argue this is categorically the worst  instance up until this point of Usagi watching her lover die or seemingly die. In the Silver Millennium she herself died seconds later. In episode 13 they weren’t nearly as close as they’d become by episode 46 and she at least had friends and family in her life she knew she could lean on. This equally applies to Mamoru seemingly dying in episode 34 and even his abduction in episode 35. In fact with Minako, Makoto and Artemis Usagi had an even larger support network than before. In episode 46 though her lover has died in her arms, she’s left to go on and the Inner Senshi are dead, Luna and Artemis aren’t around and the end of the world is imminent. She’s truly all alone in her grief and intellectually she knows that even if somehow she resolves the crisis her support network has been mostly gutted. THEN she herself dies  to defeat Beryl/Metalia and save the world.

She gets her fondest wish, to go back to a normal life, but that’s also taken from her due to the arrival of Ail and An. Yay for Usagi, she gets to have ALL of those traumatic memories from the Silver Millennium rerun through her head AGAIN. And this time they’re complimented by the Hell she went through in losing her friends, her lover and dying herself in the Arctic.  

But hey, at least now she and her lover can finally be together right? Nope. He literally doesn’t know her. He isn’t Endymion. He isn’t Tuxedo Mask. He isn’t the Mamoru she knew and doesn’t even want to know her. Meanwhile a prospective romantic rival is sniffing around him and for all she knows he may well be interested in her. She gets a tiny ray of hope when Moonlight Knight shows up but that’s abruptly squashed when she receives (seemingly) hard proof this guy who seems oh so similar to the man she loves definitely isn’t that man. So her tiny hope of maybe  getting him back is taken from her almost as quickly as it came.

After Ail and An depart Earth Usagi finally   has what she wants…until two episodes later. This time in the cruelest twist of fate for her, it isn’t external forces that tears Mamoru away from her. This time he  takes himself from her. From a certain point of view this is sort of worse than him dying. Usagi knows death and reincarnation are a thing and that magic exists. She already knows that, as traumatic as it might’ve been, the pair have been given more chances than most people to get together. But how is that to happen when Mamoru, in his right mind and fully possessing all his memories, clearly conveys he doesn’t want her. In the same way Tuxedo Mask pulled a disappearing act early on, now Mamoru in normal life begins actively avoiding Usagi and even saying hurtful things to her.  

It is in episode 61 (the break up episode itself) that we arguably first see this insecure side to Usagi where she questions if Mamoru prefers a child under 10 years old to her. From there we also see Mamoru try to hint to her that he’s seeing Unazuki.  

Of course Usagi eventually learns that it WAS another external force pushing them apart again (well sort of but that’s for another day). However, to lose Mamoru again after all she’d already gone through to be with him was emotionally going to be a serious twisting of the knife for her, in addition to his efforts after episode 61 to push her away. The fact that his own desire to be with her caused him to still help and even hang out with her on occasion would’ve further confused her.  

But even after  this mess is cleared up, in Sailor Moon R The Movie: Promise of the Rose Usagi has to witness Mamoru nearly die for her again. And like on other occasions it comes via an impalement right in front of her and a consequent abduction to boot. And the abductee happens to be someone she and her friends suspect might harbor romantic feelings for Mamoru as well, someone who actively insulted her, actively tried to dissuade Mamoru from dating her and who literally  pushed her away from him.  

When taken collectively, I think all these traumas associated with Usagi ‘losing’ Mamoru or otherwise being prevented from being with him would make Usagi subconsciously on the alert for the next  thing that might take him from her.

I propose that this is the actual reason for Usagi’s concerns that Mamoru might like Chibiusa more than her, for why she gets concerned when Ami and Mamoru chat together in S, for why she goes all ninja in SuperS, etc. Deep down she does  trust him and deep down she trusts her friends and doesn’t actually  feel threatened by anyone who might try to hit on Mamoru.

It’s in reality a case of her gripping too tight precisely because the object of her desire has slipped through her fingers far too many times in the past.* Or if you like, from Usagi’s POV destiny might’ve pre-ordained that she fall in love with Mamoru but she may well be concerned that it’s also pre-ordained that they be allowed to enjoy  being in love, not for too long anyway.  

However, I think this in turn set up a great example of character development for our heroine.

First of all, in episode 132 we have Chibiusa outright warning Usagi she has a romantic rival and that if she doesn’t shape up she will  lose Mamoru to her, and yet Usagi shrugs this off. 

Of course, we could argue that this is Usagi trying to simply one up Chibiusa in this moment, or else she is dismissive of the warning precisely because it comes from Chibiusa whom is both a child and someone who makes a point of trolling her. On the other hand we might view this as an example of how Usagi has in fact grown and is more at peace with the idea that she isn’t about to have Mamoru taken from her for the umpteenth time.  

Granted her over reaction in episode 136, wherein she dresses as a ninja to ensure Rei and Mamoru don’t get up to anything, goes against that idea. However, we could just as easily argue that Usagi’s reactions in that episode were an example of her backsliding precisely because of Rei and Mamoru’s history. She might not worry about Rei and Mamoru deep down, but the idea of them living in the same place when they used to date and when she knows how active  Rei was in pursuing him back in the day? It’s not beyond belief that in these specific circumstances Usagi’s resolve faltered whereas she’d have been less concerned if it’d been a stranger or someone with no romantic history with Mamoru.ffff

More significantly though is Sailor Stars. Once more Usagi ‘lost’/nearly lost Mamoru. This time this was due to Queen Nehelenia, whose efforts poisoned the Earth and by extension endangered the life of her lover. Then she did that AGAIN, this time outright brainwashing and abducting him. 

Even if this didn’t remind Usagi of her horrible experiences with Evil Endymion and Beryl, it would’ve still been disturbing and upsetting, especially when Mamoru developed a mirror fetish. Usagi went through Hell and physical torture to try and save her lover and this time the stakes were even higher. Because this time losing him would also mean losing the other person she loved the most, (Chibiusa) a horrible event that she eventually witnessed happen.

Sure, she saved the day and got both her future husband and future daughter back, but she still had to live through those horrible experiences to get to that point.  

And yet, despite these fresh traumas regarding losing her lover, in episode 173 Usagi handles Mamoru leaving for America surprisingly well.

It’s made clear she’s upset by his departure and doesn’t want  him to go. But she comes mere inches from seeing him off with a smile as she intended, demonstrating her increased strength and maturity. 

And despite her tears, despite her not wanting him to go, she still sees him off, she doesn’t try to dissuade him, she isn’t worried that he’ll meet other people or that their relationship will get torn asunder once more. She is sad because they are going to be physically separated by a long distance for a long time, but that’s the only  thing that’s of concern to her. And her reaction even then is relatively reigned in (by her standards) even in the privacy of her own home.  

And from a narrative/emotional POV it is almost like the universe rewards  her for that growth via Mamoru giving her a promise/engagement ring, saying he loves her and kissing her in the airport.

Whilst the significance of the ring is obvious (albeit not to Usagi) we shouldn’t undersell Mamoru’s words or the kiss. 

I’m willing to be corrected on this but I’m fairly certain that episode was the first time Mamoru (not Endymion, not Moonlight Knight talking about  Mamoru, etc) had ever told Usagi he loved her. Of course, his actions spoke louder than words on this front. Even before Usagi knew Mamoru was Tuxedo Mask she suspected the latter rescued her because he was in love with her. Nevertheless, having your partner actually look you in the eye and say the words can be incredibly emotionally significant for a lot of people. In a sense it is the ultimate unambiguous proof of the other person’s feelings (in theory anyway). Even if Usagi hadn’t been waiting to hear him say the words (personally I think her expression implies she had been) it would’ve nevertheless been a significant development in their relationship all the same.  

And as for the kiss, I admit I only vaguely know about Japanese cultural norms regarding PDA, but it is to my understanding that kissing in public is frowned upon. Even if I’m wrong about that, Mamoru (as evidenced by the R movie) certainly doesn’t like to kiss Usagi when anyone else is around. If you go back to check most of their kisses, either they are alone or else it’s obvious Mamoru doesn’t think anyone is observing them. The fact that he kisses Usagi not only in a public space, but an airport of all places (when there are crowds there for three big celebrities no less) is a huge deal for him. And in turn it’s a huge deal for Usagi because, whilst Mamoru might have more reservations, Usagi clearly cared a lot less about PDA, typically being the one to initiate their kisses.  

Consequent episodes further demonstrate Usagi’s growth regarding her old insecurities with Mamoru. Putting aside how we never once see her worried about him seeing other girls, in episode 181 Seiya outright raises the idea of him seeing other people. Usagi casually, without a hint of aggression, dismisses the idea.  

The irony is that it is Usagi  who’s in the situation she so often worried about regarding Mamoru. She is the person being pursued by  romantic rival to her lover, namely Seiya.  

The cruel  irony is that Usagi having matured enough to accept Mamoru leaving (despite being deeply upset and lonely about it) actually had  lost him yet again.  

She just didn’t know it.  

*Not to mention…she is a teenager. Those people tend to be ever so slightly prone to emotional over reactions at the best of times.  

[hopelesshawks]

History of Us Part 36- The Recovery

Summary: Once upon a time Todoroki and (y/n) were best friends. Now they haven’t spoken in years. When (y/n) is forced to transfer to UA, will she and Shoto reconnect or will their troubled past keep them apart? A childhood friends to enemies to lovers hybrid fic.

If you don’t want to see History of Us content blacklist #hopelesshou

Masterlist Kofi

You slowly wake up to a rhythmic beeping sound, feeling as if you’ve been run over by a truck and then it backed back up over you a few times. You blink your eyes open, taking in the white ceiling and fluorescent lighting above you for a moment before shifting to try and sit up. You wince and suck in a breath at the action, squeezing whatever’s in your left hand to help you grit through the pain. Once you’re comfortable the oddity of having something in your hand occurs to you and when you look to see what it is your heart immediately softens. Shoto is passed out asleep, head resting on his arm which sits on your hospital bed, his other hand holding yours. As you look past him you notice Kirishima and Bakugo passed out in chairs nearby. A nurse walks in and smiles when she sees you awake and notices your gaze. “They’ve been here since you were admitted. A couple of nurses tried to kick them out when visiting hours ended the first night but they barricaded themselves in. After that we just decided to let them stay,” she explains. “The first night? How long have I been here?” you ask. “About a week,” the nurse responds and you push out a shaky and disbelieving breath. You can’t remember the last time you had to go to the hospital instead of just healing yourself, let alone having to stay multiple nights. “You should get some rest, your body needs time to recover. Plus, it’s late,” the nurse assures you as she checks over your chart and vitals. “I’ll let the doctors know you woke up and in the morning we can talk you through everything ok?” “Ok.” “Good. Sleep well Eclipsa.” Something about hearing a civilian use your hero name affectionately lights something warm in your chest. With that feeling and the knowledge that Shoto and your friends are right by your side, you drift back to sleep content.

When you next wake up it’s to Kirishima and Todoroki watching you eagerly from the side of the bed while Bakugo hangs back, as if he’s any more subtle than the other two just because he’s slightly further away. “Damn, you guys are so obsessed with me,” you joke and immediately Shoto and Kirishima are launching themselves into your hospital bed to pull you into an embrace. Your still sore body protests a bit but you can’t bring yourself to complain. Bakugo continues to hover nearby until you notice he still hasn’t joined. “Are you getting in on this or what asshole?” you ask. He scoffs. “Well if you want me in there so bad then fine dumbass,” he quips before climbing into your hospital bed much more delicately than Shoto and Kirishima had, careful not to disturb your injuries. It isn’t long afterwards that the attending nurse walks in, a middle aged woman in her 40s most likely, and immediately she yells at the boys to get off the bed and begins scolding them for potentially aggravating your injuries. “I understand you missed your friend but she is still healing! For Christ sake get down!” she admonishes until all of the boys are somewhat sheepishly back in their own seats. You can’t help but laugh at Kiri’s kicked puppy look and it only gets worse when you see the disgruntled looks on Bakugo and Shoto’s faces as well. You laugh harder than you have in a long time, so hard your stomach and still healing ribs ache with it, but you relish in the feeling. By the time you stop you notice that you’re glowing again, which causes the nurse to give an amused huff. “Well I’m glad your healing factor is finally kicking in, that should speed up your recovery considerably,” she sighs before whirling back on the boys to say, “but so help me god if I come back in here to find you boys smothering her again I will kick all your asses, quirks be damned!” The boys all mumble “yes ma’am,” with Shoto and Bakugo’s sounding far more resentful than Kiri’s. It’s funny how alike the two of them can be.

The nurse leaves the room after doing a quick check of your vitals to go inform the doctor that your quirk has finally kicked in when yet another visitor arrives. Your mother is panting by the time she gets to your room, having sprinted from the other wing of the hospital where she’s been working her shift. “Oh my sweet baby,” she coos before rushing to your bed side to caress your cheeks in her hands. “Don’t you ever scare me like that again, God I was so worried,” she admonishes lightly. “Sorry Mom,” you reply with a sheepish smile. She gives you a soft smile in return, relieved that you’re safe and sound again. “Well Shoto I know but are you going to finally introduce me to your other two watch dogs?” she asks teasingly and you can’t help but to laugh again as you introduce her to Bakugo and Kirishima properly. It’s nice, the four of you talking and laughing, and you can tell that she’s happy to see you finally have friends. As day turns to night and visiting hours end, your guests are shooed out, although your mom does pull some strings to ensure Shoto can spend the night again. “No funny business you two, (y/n)’s still healing,” your mom says with a wink. Shoto’s face goes bright red as you groan out a horrified “Mom!!!” before collapsing back against the hospital bed and covering your face with a pillow. When Shoto lifts the pillow from your face, cheeks still tinted slightly red, and peers down at you with earnest eyes as he asks if it’s ok to join you, you can’t help but melt and nod. He carefully climbs in alongside you and the moment he’s settled you curl into his arms, your head resting on his chest. A warm contentment fills you as you snuggle up against him, the scent of him filling your nose and the steady rise and fall of his chest instantly lulling you to sleep.

The next day the doctor explains that, while your quirk activating is certainly helping matters, the extreme overuse of your right side had done a number on your body and the bulk of your healing was likely going to undoing that damage so you’d need to stay in the hospital for a little bit longer so they could monitor you. You can tell there’s something he’s not saying but you don’t press the issue. If the doctor doesn’t think you need to know it then it’s probably for the best you don’t. At least for now while you’re still feeling decently tired. Your mother swings by again, it’s kind of funny seeing how enamored she is with Shoto and his dedication to staying in the hospital with you until your release. Her endless praise makes him blush and it occurs to you then that he may have assumed your mother would hate him as much as you used to. It’s a sad thought but it makes you all the more appreciative to be where you are now. Eventually she too has to leave to resume her shift, but your next guest is by far the most surprising.

Endeavor walks into the room looking the most awkward you’ve ever seen him. Immediately Shoto stands in front of your hospital bed protectively. “If you’re here to try to arrest her I swear-“ Shoto starts but you put a hand on his shoulder and cut him off. “I don’t think that’s what he’s here for,” you assure him. He clearly still doesn’t trust his father but he does sit back down on the bed, even as he continues to glare at Endeavor. Endeavor sighs at his son’s behavior but it doesn’t sound disapproving it just sounds resigned. You can’t help your budding curiosity as you watch the hero shift awkwardly as he tries to find where to begin. It’s the most vulnerable you’ve ever seen the man look and it’s still odd seeing him without flaming facial hair. Finally he clears his throat and then bows lowly to you. You and Shoto both seem stunned at the gesture. “I owe you an apology (y/n) not just for my recent conduct but my conduct in the past as well,” he states. You and Shoto exchange a look but he makes it clear he’s just as lost as you are. “Oook?” you reply hesitantly. “It was unfair of me to blame you for the sins of your father. I should know better than anyone how unfair that is, it’s the very concern I had for Shoto when my own misdeeds were exposed,” Enji elaborates. “You really don’t have to bow and I get why you were so hesitant even if it was unfair,” you shrug but he shakes his head, rejecting your dismissal. “No. You saved my life, in spite of the way I’ve treated you, and maybe had I been better to you you wouldn’t have felt you had to take on your father alone and we could’ve coordinated our efforts with you and saved a lot of lives and prevented a lot of damage,” Enji continues before finally standing back up. “I once promised Shoto I’d try to be a hero he could be proud of. I’ve failed in that recently. I hope now to be a hero you both can be proud of and to right the rest of my wrongs. If you need anything just let me know,” he finishes. You stare blinking at him for several moments as you process his words. You’ve no intention of just forgiving and forgetting immediately but there’s no doubt in your mind his apology is at the very least sincere. “I, uh, appreciate your apology I guess,” you reply. It’s not much but it seems to be more than he expected because he bows to you again. “By the way, when you’re finally released from the hospital, Rei and I, uhm, we were thinking you and your mother could come by for dinner,” he offers sheepishly. “We’d love that.” “Great. I’ll see you then.” With his mission apparently fulfilled, Enji nods to you and Shoto before making his leave. “That was weird,” you note once he’s gone. “Yea,” Shoto confirms. “Your dad is kinda super fucking awkward when he’s not trying to be intimidating,” you note, causing Shoto to snort. “You can say that again. Now you know what I’ve been dealing with the past two years,” Shoto scoffs. “He’s trying though,” you note and to that Shoto nods. “He’s trying,” he confirms.

You reach out and gently grasp hold of Shoto’s hand, giving it a quick squeeze. He turns to look at you, eyes searching yours. You notice his gaze linger on your right eye for a moment but before you can ask him about it he leans in to press a chaste kiss to your lips. It lasts only a second before he draws back a bit, still so wonderfully close as he asks, “Is this ok?” “It’s perfect,” you tell him before sealing your lips back together.

A/N: After last chapter was so intense (and that one angsty ask I got lmao) this is just allllll fluff

Taglist: @sorrythatspussynal @miss-bakugo-writes @pixelwisp @larkspyrr @sokkaandzukosimp @akkaso @sunaispretty @shot0stea @todoplusultra @oliviasslut @lapysllazuly @immah0e4fictionalmen @cinnamonruts @koifishq

[221bshrlocked]

I saw you answered my ask about Mando requests!! Yay!!! Would you write a Mando x reader fic where she had a lot of trauma in the past (being assaulted/stalked at 18 and having an abusive/toxic relationship at 22-23) and she has a lot of anxieties and trust issues? Please and thank you!

Hey friend, I’m sorry it took me a while to get to your request. I hope you like this, and just a quick fyi to anyone reading this, I am not currently taking any requests so this and a couple of others are just exceptions :)

The first time you feel the Mandalorian’s touch, you shrink away from him, your entire body trembling before you quickly move behind Peli. It was a complete accident and he’s not sure what he’s done to deserve such a reaction. He was never violent or cold towards anyone who didn’t mean him harm, but looking at you now, with your eyes aimed away from him and hands clinging onto Peli, he can’t help but let out a string of apologies. Peli believes it must be the end of the universe because did the Mandalorian just apologize?

He says nothing as you run out of the office, and as soon as he moves towards the door to ask if you were alright, Peli holds him back and tells him to let it go, briefly mentioning something about you not having a good track record with people of his kind. When he asks her where you could have possibly seen other Mandalorians, Peli laughs and tells him that she was referring to him being a man. She doesn’t need to say anything else for him to understand what that might have been about.

By the time he does make it back to his ship, he sees you playing around with the kid, laughing and running after him before he starts running after you.

“He likes you.” The Mandalorian breaks the little game and raises out his hand to let you know that he means you no harm. You look cautiously at him, frantically turning around to try and see if you can hide. But then you watch the child running towards the big bounty hunter and raising up his hands. You could only gawk when he leans down and carries the kid in his arm, fixing his clothes and saying nothing as the kid babbles before he shoves one of the large gloved fingers in his mouth. You’re surprised by the scene unfolding in front of you. You’ve never seen someone like him be so caring and soft with another, let alone show this much affection without needing to assert his dominance.

“I am sorry about earlier, I didn’t mean to...it was not my intention to scare you or make you feel uncomfortable.” You’re still staring at him when the kid starts whining and you nod briefly as you watch the bounty hunter take some cookies out of his pocket and hand them to the kid. “Slow down, don’t eat them all.” His voice is a whisper and you can’t help but run away at the sight of them. The Mandalorian doesn’t understand what he could have possibly done now but he doesn’t run after you, afraid he’d scare you even more.

The second time he touches you, it’s because you’re asking him if you could play with the kid while he fixes up the Razor Crest with Peli. His gloved hands skim over your wrist accidentally and he immediately apologizes, remembering what Peli told him many cycles ago about you having issues with someone like him. He backs away when he sees your eyes widen in shock and your lips quivering, not giving you a chance to say anything as he to his ship to ease your anxiety. You feel a strange sensation crawl up your neck face breaking out into a smile when you feel your wrist tingling where he touched you. But the comforting sensation is gone as soon as you touch your skin, the memory of his soft touch twisting until you can only remember the hurt you experienced under another’s touch.

You say nothing to him as you bring him the child before he leaves and the Mandalorian thanks you profusely for taking care of his foundling while he patched him his kid. You offer him a slightly forced smile and a quick wave before you move back to Peli’s office. 

Small progress is still progress.

The third time you feel him is when you, him and Peli go to a cantina looking for some parts for his ship. They’re bargaining with someone so you decide to give them some space, approaching the bartender and asking him if he had anything for the kid. You’re in the middle of paying for the juice when someone comes behind you and grabs your waist, laughing like a drunk as he whispers the vilest things in your ear. You’re whimpering at his touch and closeness, and the sound breaks the Mandalorian’s heart. Without thinking twice of the consequences of his actions, he’s standing up and heading towards the two of you, wrapping his hand as softly as possible around your wrist and pushing you behind him. You gulp at the sheer size of the man you’re hiding behind, shushing the kid as the bounty hunter looks at the drunk and his gang. He warns them once and when the drunk man tries to punch the Mandalorian, he’s ducking away before laying a blow right in the middle of his face. You watch as the man falls down and his friends try to pick him up to leave. You say nothing as he turns around to ensure that you’re alright and you don’t look at him, can’t even if you tried.

It takes him many sleeping cycles to realize that you never thanked him or even dared to look into his helmet following the incident because you were terrified of him. He’d shown you that he was just like any other man, and whatever hopes he had getting to know you were crushed.

But something magical happens because the fourth time the two of you touch is of your own volition. The Mandalorian is surprised and doesn’t understand how he should react so he opts to stay still and silent. He’s fixing his ship one minute, and the next thing he knows, you’re running towards him with a medical kit and taking his gloves off to inspect his hand when you hear him swear and drop the tools. His breath hitches when he feels you rubbing some sort of ointment on the mild burn on his wrist. His eyes are boring into your focused expression and once you’re done, he puts his gloves back on and thanks you before walking up the ramp. The bounty hunter hides in the refresher and takes his helmet off, shutting his eyes in relief when he realizes that deep down, he must have known that you were a friend because his reflexes never kicked in and he hadn’t tried to cut your arm off when you revealed his skin.

You, however, don’t realize what you were just able to do until he’s out of sight. You look down at your hands, refusing to believe that you willingly touched him without cowering away. It’s both frightening and hopeful and you sleep soundly at night, replaying the memory in your mind over and over again.

The fifth time, maker, the fifth time you feel Mando’s touch is when he comes to you and tells you that he took care of the men you spoke of. You’re shocked and unable to process his words. Mando takes his gloves off and holds out his hands, hoping that you’d take them and allow him to comfort you. He smiles to himself when you slip your smaller fingers into the palm of his hand before throwing yourself in his arms. He says nothing as you break down in his embrace, thanking him for doing something that he didn’t need to do. He shushes you and whispers pretty things in your ears, telling you that no harm would ever come to you as long as you’re around. You sense discomfort from him when you ask him whom he went after.

“I don’t wish for you to be afraid of me mesh’la.” He admits lowly and you can’t help but smile up at him once more before you wrap your arms around him.

“I could never be afraid of you Mando. You’re my safety.” You confess to him and wait for a few moments to ask him again.

“I went after both of them sweet girl, the one from your younger days and the one who drove you away from your new home.” Mando speaks through the vocoder and you feel him tighten his hold around your back when he feels you sob against him.

“Why Mando? Why did you do that?” You needed to know, hoping that whatever it was you saw between the two of you the last time you spoke was not a figment of your imagination. He was so quiet that night as you apologized for not being more friendly with him.

“Hearing what they’ve done to you hurt me more than you can ever imagine. I wanted you to never waste another moment of thought on them and- and I wished for you to feel safe with me.” Mando confessed quietly as he kept you in his arms for a little while longer before you pulled away.

“Oh Mando, I always feel safe with you.” You take his hands in yours and bring them to your lips, kissing both palms before he rested them on your cheeks. Slowly leaning forward, Mando rested his visor against your forehead before pulling away.

“No more sad memories sweet girl.” Mando broke the silence after a while and watched as you looked up at him with admiration and love in your eyes.

“You healed them all Mando...you healed them all.”