#this reminds me that i have to post that uhh alter thing so everyone that actually reads these knows who we are and shit

[starry-kittens]

Went to Michaels again, you know we had to do it to em

[serenescribe]

got tagged by @kimium in a music tag game here (thank you, kim!) and i figured i may as well get this post written before the next twst update drops tomorrow and permanently alters my brain chemistry q-q

rules: post 5 songs you actually listen to, and tag 10 of your followers/mutuals (except i def don’t have that many people to tag TT)

i freaking love music with all my heart and soul so uhh— time to tangent! under the cut. this got long. just scroll past if you didn’t follow me for this shit ahfndhgdgf

1. bathroom community by glass beach (pinkshift cover)

i stumbled upon this song earlier this year thanks to spotify (yes, i actually look at what they recommend! i need more songs!) and god. GOD. this song has held me in a choke hold since i first listened to it. i desperately want to create an oc from this song, or a story of some sort; the story it paints with its lyrics just has so much goddamn potential for a character.

i love singing this song, even if i can’t sing very well. it’s just a lot of fun, with how intense it is! plus the lyrics... god, the lyrics. i usually like to gravitate to songs with more vague lyrics, but something about this song really soothes that teenage version of me tucked away somewhere in my soul, still angsting about the world.

i think my favourite line is this one, in the second verse — “he said you’ll never be okay if you don’t come to your senses / with you, everything’s the end of the world.” though “flipping through a spiral notebook for some / sad, hopeless words to turn into a liturgy” slaps hard too.

2. everybody’s falling in love by *repeat repeat

oh, i have a fic idea i long to write with this one. actually, i have an oc story (which is its own thing i won’t talk about) based on this song, but i have a fic idea i want to write too. this song just evokes so much whimsy of people falling in love, a constant spiral of romance! and it brings to mind a soulmate au — except instead of soulmate marks already existing and being common knowledge, they just... suddenly appear. which leads to a spiral of people figuring it out, relationship drama — what if two people who were dating aren’t soulmates? people who were platonic who suddenly get marks for each other? who gets together? who doesn’t? i’unno, i’m like... relationship introspection extraordinaire. might be a silly idea now that i’ve typed it out, but it’d be fun.

ah— for the song itself... yeah, it’s light on the lyrics, but like i said, it’s whimsical! it’s fun! i love the announcement at the start to really set the scene — this is a stage, and people falling in love is the show for everyone’s entertainment. yeah, it’s just— it’s a fun song. i don’t have much else to say.

3. sex sells by lovejoy

oh... (longing sigh) this song.

i listen to it a lot whenever i’m in a depressed funk. it just resonates with me a lot; the lyrics remind me of being second place to someone else, of a relationship slipping, that kind of thing. actually, the fact that i haven’t listened to it as much lately is probably a sign of my improving mental health (HA!)

i conceived a fic au before based off this song before — for a different fandom, not twst. it’s kind of shelved, i might turn it into an oc story instead because i still like the concept. but the inspiration i drew from this song turned into a very complex introspection of a close relationship (think childhood friends to lovers) crumbling and shattering under jealousy, envy, et cetera, et cetera. wrote like, one short ficlet off that? never posted it, but i’m still happy with it.

ah... lyrics. yeah, this one’s obvious; my favourite line is “how’s it feel to be so loved yet so alone?”

4. poplar st. by glass animals

was struggling between a lot of songs (how do you expect me to pick just FIVE?!) but considering how a line from poplar st. is literally my blog title on my main... figured it was a no brainer to include it. i wish i could convey my thoughts and feelings on this song, but this is one of the very rare few songs where, if you asked me to tell you what i like about it, i’d be stumped.

i’m not good with identifying instruments or explaining any of that, but the almost dreamy atmosphere of poplar st. hooks me splendidly. the vocals fit beautifully, to the point where they blend with the music and almost seem hard to pick out. i like how the song seems to tinge with darkness and fragment as it goes on — both lyrically and musically. it just scratches a lot of itches for me. would love to try writing something based off it someday? might just be oc stuff though, given the lyrics.

lyrics... the whole chorus slaps. it’s so lovely. all the lines about flowers, and then “i am a true romantic / free falling love addict” just tops it off beautifully <3

5. schoolin’ by everything everything

ah... hahaha.

not to sound cringe on main but if i had to ascribe a song to myself, it would be this one. my friends know — oh, they know — just how much schoolin’ resonates with me. if i divulged all my thoughts here, this post would turn into a criminally long essay, so i’ll exercise restraint for now.

like, i genuinely think this song permanently altered my brain chemistry. so much of it just resonate with me — the scathing observations, the metaphors slamming society, the absolute raging emotions in the voice of the singer, the resentment brimming just underneath. it’s a song about mistakes, it’s a song about learning from them or not, it’s a song about conformity and education and straying or conforming to it. it’s a song about questioning the world and ripping apart the people who are too scared to do so. it’s a wickedly poetic song once you rip apart and dissect every little bit of the lyrics, and i fucking love it with all my heart and soul.

too many lyrics in this song. and yet i have always known my favourite lines. “so learn me anything good / and teach me something that works.” there’s something about that that clicks with me so deeply. a single, scathing request: let me learn anything useful at all, and teach me something that can work for me.

also shoutout to the entire coda (outro) of the song for being the best 1m 50s of my life.

tagging: @llondonfog @olivebranch311 @pitruli @digdeepergravedigger09 @lakuronekobaka @pixelfun20 @reubeam @0rchidm4ntis (cheating? by also tagging friends who follow my main but not this sideblog? sue me. also i hope y’all are ok w being tagged in this HGFNDHGDF sorry if youre not ;;; just ignore if that’s the case)

[lovelyyandereaddictionpoint]

Since Rook, Trey, Carter and Sebek are in the science club, let's say one of them go through Crewle desk just to get something for potion making and in one of the drawers they found a picture of his daughter framed all nicely and she's wearing the girls uniform of the princess academy with alterations to match with her father

Seeing the picture Sebek will notice about the eyes as faes and half-Fae have those cat like eyes

What reaction they'll have separately?

Rook Hunt

“Ah this must be Professeur Crewel’s daughter!” 

Is able to take one look at the photo and recognize your fae heritage

Other than that he just uses context clues

He’s a hunter so little details just help him out loads

The uniform–princess academy

eyes–half-fae , no wife on record so must be made out of wedlock

Eventually he’ll start dedicating some time to check you out 

Even better if you come yourself though

Visiting or otherwise he’s intrigued 

He doesn’t have many contacts with a princess directly

“Bonjour I am, Rook Hunt at your service, and you Madamoiselle?” 

“It's highly unlikely that you don’t already know who I am and I’d appreciate it if you respected that.” 

“Of course Princesse du Crewel!”

I honestly feel like Rook has a bit of masochistic streak 

Its that thing that he has with everyone he admires (Vil, Neige)

So he’ll purposefully antagonize you 

Now should anyone else try this with you they’re kindly getting an arrow to the face

And should you somehow accumulate a dedicated fanbase to your monarchy then he’s the leader 

I can see him doing this totally outside of meeting you

Threatening new fans to either commit their entire existence to you 

or ..perish

“If you were truly loyal to Princesse du Crewel, then you’d be more than willing to lay your life down. Wouldn’t you?”

Trey Clover

“Oh my! She’s practically a carbon copy of him!”

He’s not going to really mind you at first

Thinking of you as none other than the cute girl that was a daughter to Crewel

“Excuse me, I was told you were the best baker on Night Raven Campus. Is this true?”

“Uhh I’m flattered but I’ve got a long way to go, before I can even be close to that.”

“But you can make a cake right?”

“..uh yeah.”

“Good, bring it to your science club.”

“But it's nearly the end of–”

“I’ll expect a plate and fork brought with it as well. Toot-a-loo.”

'Well can’t skip out on the Heartslabyul hospitality'

And that's how he just finds himself bonded to you

From feeding you on visits 

To catering your spontaneous…parties at the princess academy

I can see him being more of a low-key follower

Being sure to drink in your compliments when you give them

He’s more inclined to offer his cooking and advice if you should need it

The only way he can really pull his weight among your many friends/followers/dogs is by knowing exactly how you want it

“I’ve made it just how you like, (Y/n)! You can always count on me.”

Cater Diamond

“Eh?! That’s Crewel’s kid?!”

Already follows you on social media

Is just shocked your style is so inspired by your father

I can definitely seeing him being a secret kin for (Y/n)

Now that he’s aware of it though he’s going to try and get to you through your dad

“Uh, Professor Crewel?”

“Yes, photopup?”

“Can I get your daughter's number?”

“What?!!”

“Yeah, I just maybe wanted to ask her to follow me back bu–uh-P-professor-what-what are you gonna do with that crop?”

Probably not his brightest moment

When you show up to the school

He’s posting like a mad man 

With exclamation points and emojis all just saying

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!(Y/n)’sAT MYSCHOOL!!!!!!

Sebek Zigvolt

“THIS IS….! A half-human?! An offspring of Crewel’s perhaps?!”

Fancies himself a super sleuth

Surely he’ll need to unearth this deception about his instructor for Malleus-sama’s fate

Its just his own curiosity

So he’ll do his research 

after all its possible since he exists himself

Looking at you he’s intrigued 

Your style and presence is so tremendous it reminds him of his vice warden…almost

“What are you doing?”

You caught him while he was observing you strutting on campus 

“Ah-um-SEBEK ZIGVOLT, knight-guard to the glorious Malleus-Sama!”

“...That's so Zigvolt?”

“Aye!” 

“Then shouldn’t you be with him?”

“Y-yes.” “Then go! What are you doing standing around?! GET TO WORK!”

“Y-YES, MA’AM!” 

He’s not a masochist

He’s not a masochist !

But he gets such a rush when you order him like a commander should 

“Malleus-sama, may I request that I take leave?”

“This is…a shocking development.” “What for?”

“(Y/n) Crewel has made an appearance…and I promised I’d meet them upon their arrival.”

[whitehotharlots]

So we’re just gonna straight up embrace conservatism?

A few months ago I came across the story of a group of young trans activists who wrecked up the opening of a feminist library in British Columbia. To avoid accusations of taking sides or whatever, here’s what the feminists had to say about it, and here’s what the trans activist kids had to say about it. (Direct link: https://www.facebook.com/notes/gag-gays-against-gentrification/response-to-vancouver-womens-library/379623995740078 )

Both sides agreed that the activists physically disrupted the opening of what was purported to be a feminist space, caused several hundred dollars worth of property damage, threatened physical violence against the library’s proprietors, and demanded that a dozen or so books be removed from the shelves.

I decided not to write about this. Firstly, because engaging with trans discourse in any way other than nodding politely guarantees you will be accused of Literal Murder, and I just don’t want to mess with that. More importantly, I felt I couldn’t say anything that wouldn’t amount to a simple, maybe even pedantic observation: namely, it’s kinda weird how we’ve begun to fear subjectively perceived, metaphorical “violence” so intensely that we’re willing to accept literal, physical violence as a response to it. It’s easy to make fun of people who say that using gendered pronouns is a direct cause of murder or whatever, but these people aren’t just obscure cranks anymore--they control the discourse; we’re living in the world they’ve built. 

Here’s a sample of what I tried to write:

Here, in the interest of objectivity, it’s traditional for a writer to point out the tremendous amount of danger faced by those trans people who committed violent acts against the cis feminists and have demanded that the cis feminists radically alter their own space. A writer should re-cite the oft-cited statistic that over twenty trans people were murdered in 2015--and that, no doubt, at least half of them were beaten to death with a copy of Andrea Dworkin’s Pornography. And I don’t mean to be facetious: should a trans activist suggest that these books were being wielded as literal, physical weapons, there might at least be a smidgen of logic behind their demands. But such a connection, however tenuous, is never proffered. We are left instead with a vague implication by association: the trans activists understandably don’t like trans people being murdered and they also don’t like books they assume question the essentialist foundation of their self-understanding, therefore a responsible author will make sure to establish a sense that the former is indeed caused by the latter. Or, if it’s not a case of actual causation--since obviously it’s not and no one would ever be so daft as to suggest that it is--at the very least we should respect the trans activists’ sensitivities toward literature they find upsetting, seeing as they’re acting out of a sense of extreme fear that they at least believe to be justified. Criticizing them at lashing out would be like getting mad a cornered raccoon for showing its teeth.

Just… can you believe this? Honestly? Here, very real violence and property damage is excused simply by putting in the context of the emotional state of those who committed it. Can you imagine any parallel situation taking place in contemporary America? A black man would have a much more solid case in going down to his local police station and wrecking up the place. Police violence against black people is an actual, direct, and literal thing--no flimsy metaphors are required to explain it. If such a thing were to happen, however, the black guy would be killed or imprisoned and his actions would be condemned in all but the most radical of spaces (try to find a mainstream publication that supported Chris Dorner. You can’t). Or more on point: let’s say a group of radical zionists entered a store the specializes in classical music, so at to disrupt a talk about Wagner. They post threats on social media. They wreck merchandise. They tear down posters, shove some elderly classical enthusiasts, cause several hundred dollars worth of damage, and leave a manifesto demanding that certain naughty works be banned. Again: they’d most likely be arrested. They would find no defense within the mainstream press. Their sense of victimhood would certainly not be used as justification for their actions, and no serious person would yield to their demands that certain works of music be banned from stores.

So… yeah. I was having trouble not sounding dismissive. But since then other shit has gone down, and it’s dawned on me that this tendency to prize the metaphorical over the literal isn’t new. It’s very old. It is, simply put, the general grounding of the American conservative worldview. It just happens to be coming from woke people now. 

For an example, take a look at a piece about trans activists vandalizing a rape crisis center with death threats. The vandalism was, of course, denounced on all sides. But check out the phrasing here: 

Trans people face employment and housing barriers, Jenkins said, and the graffiti could be a product of a trans person’s pent up frustration. Vancouver Rape Relief, she said, is a visible organization at which to point a finger.

“A lot of the actions of Vancouver Rape Relief through exclusion of trans women I think are symbolic of society’s disdain for trans people generally,” she said.

“So I can understand that for someone who is having a really hard time generally, this is a symbol of everything that is wrong with the world that is treating me terribly — which is no excuse, but I can see how someone could get to that point.”

Just… fucking seriously? Again, can you imagine this kind of even handedness being afforded to any other marginalized group? The only time you see violence regarded in such an apologetic or celebratory manner is when cops and soldiers do it. 

But, oh, it gets even weirder and stupider:

More graffiti adorns the sidewalks of Commercial Dr., further east from the Vancouver Rape Relief location. In support of trans people, the message “Trans women are women” appeared on sidewalks near Grandview Park earlier this summer.

Another message reads “Lesbians unite,” coupled with a double Venus symbol. Claire Ens, president of the Vancouver Dyke March and Festival Society, said the two Venus symbols are a coded threat to trans people.

“The two Venus symbols, that may seem innocent and to some even a call for lesbian rights and women-power, but in fact it is the opposite,” she said.

Two Venus symbols, side-by-side, is a larger symbol for “biological essentialism,” she said, a belief that peoples’ identities are determined by their genitals or chromosomes, which is inherently discriminatory to trans people who may have genitals that don’t match outdated ideas of what it means to be a man or a woman.

“The Venus symbols are meant as a warning sign to trans women, to state that trans women are not included nor welcomed, and is a perfect example of ... ‘dog whistling’ (because it is) innocent to those who aren’t in the know about it (but) harmful and hateful specifically to trans women,” she said.

Oh... oh dear. 

I’m reminded of the time when I was in 8th grade and my best friend did some weird art project where he put an arrow through a George Jetson doll he won at the carnival and painted the wound with a red marker. His mom found the doll. She spoke with her evangelical busybody cunt friends at work, who informed her that the “ritualistic sacrifice” of stuffed animals was a surefire sign that the boy had been brainwashed by Satanists. She then had him involuntarily committed. A state official determined him to to be depressed but not under any demonic influence, and so he was released under the condition that he start going to cut-rate therapy, where yet another evangelical busybody cunt informed him that the doll was, in fact, a sign that at least one satan lived within him (possibly several) and advised his mother to throw out all of his cds and videogames and keep him under constant watch. Oddly, this did not help with my friends’ depression. Made it a lot worse, in fact. Kicked off about a decade of severe substance abuse. But that’s neither here nor there--the point is, he did something objectively harmless that a bunch of hateful conservatives found offensive, and demonizing and bullying him was a small price to pay to get him to stop doing said harmless-but-offensive things. He might not have meant the plush art project to be a sign of aggression. A dispassionate observer would most likely not regard it as such. But the subjective, spiritual harm suffered by his mother engendered a violent reaction, and the cruelly conservative social structures of our community prized her perceived victimhood over any actual harms, and so they therefore encouraged her to damage the boy so as to make herself feel more safe. Nobody wins. Everyone was worse off. But the woman got some momentary catharsis, and that’s what was important.

Uhh… shit. I was gonna try to connect this to something else, but I think maybe I made my point. If you don’t agree with me yet, you’re never going to. But just remember, pedantic as this argument may be, there’s a reason censorship has historically resided in the conservative purview. There’s also a reason why it used to be considered virtuous, in liberal spaces, to not regard your own tastes and pet peeves as moral issues that warranted vicious remediation. Conservatives are conservatives, regardless of their color of their skin, the people they like to fuck, or whether or not they regard themselves to embody the gender they were asigned at birth. Cruelty is likewise always cruel. A cunt is a cunt. And there’s nothing to be gained by denying these basic truths.

[whittlebaggett8]

19 people share their ‘coming out’ stories, Defence Online

caption

Coming out is a personal experience.

source

Elijah Nouvelage/Getty Images

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Coming out is a personal experience.

source

Elijah Nouvelage/Getty Images

Coming out as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or gender non-binary is a personal experience.

Not everyone is in a position where they can be certain they will receive support.

INSIDER highlighted different personal accounts from self-identified LGBTQ+ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, in transition, intersex, and asexual) Reddit users below.

Every individual story is unique, and there is no right or wrong way or time to come out.

Editor’s note: some of the content in these stories may be triggering for some individuals who have experienced discrimination or violence because of their sexuality or gender identity.

Visit INSIDER’s homepage for more stories.

Coming out as a member of the LGBTQ+ community is a deeply personal and often life-altering process. Regardless of the individual circumstances, there is no right or wrong way to come out.

Of course, some people who identify as members of the LGBT community may choose to come out in a public way, others will not feel safe to do so, while others never will “officially” come out and simply live their lives. It’s important to remember that an individual’s decision to come out is their own personal choice. Regardless, reading these stories can be comforting and informative for many.

Online spaces such as the Reddit communities r/Comingout and /r/lgbt, can give people a platform to open up about their experiences and connect with others who can relate.

The following coming out stories from these Reddit users illustrate just how unique those experiences can be. Of course, INSIDER cannot independently authenticate these stories, but they perhaps they can serve as a reminder that no matter what a person’s coming out story is, everyone’s journey deserves to be heard.

Just a note, we’ve chosen to leave off names to protect the identities of those who have shared their stories.

‘My fam was playing a game where we had to tell a huge secret about ourselves’

“Well my fam was playing a game where we had to tell a huge secret about ourselves and I was about to make a joke and say, ‘I started my period’ but I only said the ‘I’ part so my mom was like, ‘Are you gay?’ So I was like, ‘Uhh yesssss’ like freakishly loudly. My mom said she already knew probs because she stole my phone and checked my search history a while back because she’s also a helicopter parent.”

‘I didn’t really come out of the closet, my mom opened the door and said, ‘Hey, you in there?”

“I joined my high school’s GSA freshman year. On a car ride to Target, my mom asked as casually as she could muster if there was any reason for that. I said I’m bisexual, she said ‘cool,’ and I assume she told my dad because basically, the whole family knew before I even said anything.

“So I didn’t really come out of the closet, my mom opened the door and said ‘hey, you in there?’”

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An unidentified woman wearing a bisexual pride flag as a cape watches an approaching group during the Pride parade in Sacramento.

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Chris Allan/Shutterstock

‘Came out to my brother, his girlfriend, and my dad by baking cupcakes’

“First came out to my mom as trans and then months later, came out to my brother, his girlfriend, and my dad by baking cupcakes in the colors of the trans pride flag. It was really hard because I had it in my head that I was gonna get kicked out, turns out my dad is the most supportive person in my life.”

‘They didn’t believe I was gay and had normal parent reactions and to this day ignore the subject’

“Looking back at it I knew I was gay for a while. I just never had emotional or sexual attraction towards any guys until I went on an internship and pulled the old classic of falling for my roommate. I thought the feeling was mutual but obviously, I was blinded or didn’t want to believe he was straight. I never told him my feelings for him but it was pretty obvious. I did some things that made it clear such as looking at his text and basically acting like a jealous lover. I suspect he figured it out.

“Anyway … I flipped when he got a girlfriend and I couldn’t contain my feelings anymore so I came out to my social worker. I also got the courage to come out to my friend and brother which went great and they were very supportive.

“When I told my parents after they came to visit it went downhill. They didn’t believe I was gay and had normal parent reactions and just to this day ignore the subject and my sexuality which bothers me a lot because I feel like I can’t move forward ’til they accept me for who I am.”

‘I had to ask my friend to look at the comments the next day since I was too afraid to look’

“I spent most of the night before my 25th birthday writing and rewriting a long drawn out post about how I felt. I planned on posting the status on my birthday, near the time I was born, and I pretty much said that I was born as myself and that my life has a funny way of telling me I’m a little different from who I thought I was. I had to ask my friend to look at the comments the next day since I was too afraid to look, but it turns out everyone who saw it was very accepting and warm so I was very lucky.”

They told people, ‘I look a little different’

“I met people in person, with a, ‘I look a little different.’ text sent out shortly before.”

‘My mom read my paper and then sat me down to have a talk about it, I panicked and told her I was a lesbian’

“7th grade we had to describe ourselves in a song and I chose ‘Misery’ by Maroon 5 for some reason. My mom read my paper and then sat me down to have a talk about it, I panicked and told her I was a lesbian. She was just hugging me and telling me that she would love me no matter what my preferences are. Then she told my dad and he was chill about it.”

‘I broke their heart by telling them, but their heart was broken because they realized they had a child who was hurting deeply for all of these years without them knowing or being able to help’

“I had resolved that I would never tell my family how I felt unless I absolutely had to. Eventually, I had some life experiences that were just too rich and wonderful and showed me how beautiful our world is and how my concern of being rejected for how I choose to express my feelings was just of little significance.

“I told my sister who was supportive and un-surprised. Finally, and very recently, I told my very conservative parents. I was only able to justify telling them by acknowledging that I was only telling them how I felt, not what I planned to do, and that they couldn’t really reject my feelings even if they didn’t like my feelings. They could only reject decisions. But ultimately I was met with nothing but love and support.

“I broke their heart by telling them, but their heart was broken because they realized they had a child who was hurting deeply for all of these years without them knowing or being able to help. They want to know how they can best support me, and for the first time in my life, I think that I can be best supported by them and my other loved ones by acknowledging my feelings and my journey on the path to transitioning.”

‘I responded with, ‘I’m gay and hate children’ I’ve never seen a salesman look so ashamed of himself and I also came out to my dad at the same time’

“I was buying a car. My dad was with me and we were at our 4th (and final) dealership of the day. I flat out told the salesman that I wanted to be sold the smallest sedan they had on the lot unless they had a coupe [ … ] First thing out of the salesman’s mouth after that was, ‘You really should get an SUV in case you accidentally get pregnant.’ Me being the jerk I am, I instantly responded with ‘I’m gay and hate children. Any kids I have will be extremely well planned and extremely unwanted.’ I’ve never seen a salesman look so ashamed of himself and I also came out to my dad at the same time. Neither guy spoke unless I asked a question after that.”

‘And I just came dressed as a girl’

“Came out on Black Friday […] And I just came dressed as a girl. And then I stayed like that. And a week passed and I was brought into HR and asked if this was permanent, I said yes. And went back to work.”

‘Showed up at my mother’s house with my boyfriend and told her. She didn’t like it at first until the day she noticed me being happy …’

“Showed up at my mother’s house with my boyfriend and told her. She didn’t like it at first until the day she noticed me being happy and proactive with my life. She started finding room in her heart to be on board with it. Now we visit her house once a month for dinner with the whole family. Today I’m in a happy relationship and am two months into my MTF HRT [male to female hormone replacement therapy], so the thing to remember is to give your friends and family time to adjust and gently show them that this is what makes you happy and fingers crossed they accept you for you. “

‘I said, ‘It’s National Coming Out Day”

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Participants take part in the annual NYC Pride parade.

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REUTERS/Brendan McDermid

“I came out a few months ago, on National Coming Out Day. I said ‘It’s National Coming Out Day’ and my mom said ‘You have something to come out to me about?’ (Jokingly) [I said], ‘Yeah, I am gay.’”

‘Told two other friends through the topic of crushes, giving them a ‘guess my crush’ puzzle and plot twist at the end, it’s a guy!’

“Told my first friend through text after commenting on how a male anime character was kinda hot … Told two other friends through the topic of crushes, giving them a ‘guess my crush’ puzzle and then boom, plot twist at the end, it’s a guy!”

‘My dad unlocks the door and in comes both my grandmothers. They both just hug me and tell me they love me just the way I am’

“One of my friends got the idea to be my ‘date’ to Thanksgiving dinner, so that my family wouldn’t bug me so much about finding a girlfriend. She knew I was gay, and knew I hadn’t told them.

“We go. She’s my ‘date,’ gives me hugs. A little cheek smooch. Sold. Then I see this … look in my grandmother’s face at dinner. It hurt. It hurt to see her beaming over something that was a lie.

“I felt hoooooriiible. Like I just wanted to go crawl into the oven and die next to the turkey. It comes as a surprise to many people, but I practicality NEVER lie to my family.

“For some reason, at the table, my grandpa decided that I should lead grace…

“I don’t know if it was just because my head was stuck, or what … but I just went ‘I’m gay’ and a river of tears and snot came out of my face so I went and locked myself in my room.

“About an hour goes by and the house is dead quiet. My dad unlocks the door and in comes both my grandmothers. They both just hug me and tell me they love me just the way I am.

“I thought I’d died. My friend sheepishly came into the room and handed me a plate of food. She told me my parents said I can take all the time I need to calm myself, and then come back and celebrate.

“They treated it like it was the best thing since sliced bread and I nearly had p—– my pants.”

‘I was crying the whole time, but they weren’t tears of sadness. Coming out was the biggest weight that ever came off my shoulders’

“I got home from church after my conservative pastor gave his most homophobic sermon yet, and I sobbed into my pillow in my bedroom. My mom heard me and asked what I was crying about. The words were too difficult to speak. But she put things together and realized that I was upset about the sermon, and she finally asked, ‘Do you think you’re gay?’ That’s when I said yes. We spent the next hour sitting together on her bed eating In-N-Out french fries while she asked me about all of my high school crushes. I was crying the whole time, but they weren’t tears of sadness. Coming out was the biggest weight that ever came off my shoulders.”

‘It was interesting to see their faces as they processed that Logan was not a girl’s name.’

“I told my family the name of my crush after Christmas Eve dinner when I was 16. It was interesting to see their faces as they processed that Logan was not a girls name.”

‘One of my ‘best friends’ went and told EVERYONE we knew almost immediately’

“I came out to my friends at 15 – only my two closest [friends] as we’re in a fairly rural place and I was worried about it. One of my ‘best friends’ went and told EVERYONE we knew almost immediately, and when I called them out, her response was ‘But no one minds!’ I got a lot of s— about it for years after that. But the total kicker is I dumped her as a friend straight away and her brother messaged me on Facebook apologizing for what she’d done. I’ve now been dating her brother for 2 and a half years and he hates her too.”

‘I came out as a trans guy a few years ago not by choice … I was basically forced to explain’

“I came out as a trans guy a few years ago not by choice (my dad was on my computer and found my personal blog) and I was basically forced to explain. He totally flipped out on me and alternated between laughing in my face and threatening to kick me out.

“A lot of the experience I block out because it’s very traumatic. I’m okay now but I ended up living with my grandparents for a while. Coming out isn’t always, ‘It’s okay, we always knew, we’ll always love you’ and I really envy people with experiences like that.”

‘Told my stepmom […. ] they kicked me out for about a month and I lived with my grandma’

“Told my stepmom, she called me disgusting and [then] told my dad even though I asked her not to. They kicked me out for about a month and I lived with my grandma. When I went back they put me into church school, took away my phone, TV, clothes that looked too ‘Dudeish’ (legit just all my T-shirts) and they told me I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone.”

‘I was internally screaming in gay of happiness’

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Others participate in pride parades before “formally” coming out.

source

Getty Images

“My friend and I were having a sleepover at her house and we stayed up talking for a long time, both of us telling things that we hadn’t shared with anyone before. At this point, it was 5 a.m.

“I have known that I’m gay for quite some time now. I’ve wanted to come out so badly and until yesterday, I hadn’t told anyone (apart from some internet friends). I had sort of decided that if there came an appropriate moment to tell her during that sleepover, I would.

“That moment came when she told me that she thinks she’s bi. I was internally screaming in gay of happiness. I said that that is SO COOL and then I told her that I’m gay. She was like WHAAAT THAT’S SO COOL. And then we both were like HSJSKDKDJDJ HOW IS THIS HAPPENING?? Honestly, I was kind of panicking, but it was like in a good way.

“We talked about how we knew, for how long we have known, which girls we’ve had crushes on and a lot more. It was amazing. I’m the first person she’s told as well.

“When I woke up this morning, it was the first thing I thought about. That I told someone. That I opened the door to the closet. It feels weird and almost surreal not to be alone about it anymore, but it feels so right.

“I still have a long way to go and a lot of people to come out to and I know it won’t be easy. But now I have started, and it started so epically and felt so good.”

The Trevor Project provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention for LGBTQ youth. Call 1-866-488-7386 to reach the TrevorLifeline available 24/7 or text TREVOR to 1-202-304-1200 to reach TrevorText available M-F from 3 p.m. – 1 p.m.

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[chordata-on-alterhumanity]

Update

So, hi, I want to write an update. In my last Update post I talked about how I’m no longer alterhuman. This is mostly still accurate, except that I’ve fallen back into ‘linking - some of it out of conscious decisions, some of it (MOST OF IT. I haven’t been well.) for coping. So I guess I’m alterhuman again. I don’t want to label myself tho… … Uhh. This isn’t what I want to talk about.

Instead, I want to talk about what it’s been like as an integrated system. I’m not bothering with vaguely describing things; you’re getting personal details. Maybe it’s interesting to someone? Maybe not!

First, backstory of becoming and being a system.

It’s been over half a year since I integrated. It was a casual change that happened sometime early last August. Before that, we were three people: Darius, Anton, Valery. I’m pretty sure I know everyone’s origins. Darius was basically the person who we were before becoming a system. Anton showed up because… well I had this DnD character idea, but the DM didn’t let me play it, but the idea was SO good and rang so close to my heart, I guess my brain couldn’t live without incorporating it into my being. Also I was lonely v_v … Wording that a little better: I think I accidentally made a character that encompassed a lot of traits that I was lacking, and subconsciously wanted to keep close to myself. I couldn’t shake the thought of him and he became his own person (I became my own person, funny :^) ). Valery showed up shortly before I got my period for the first time in a year, and for the first REGULAR time in 4 years (I’d lost it between 2014 and 2015 due to anorexia). The mind-altering effect a properly working hormone cycle has on you shouldn’t be underestimated. Going forward, Valery wasn’t solely present during that time of the menstrual cycle, but I think my mind handled my altered sense of self that I experienced with that first period by categorizing it as new person, and then kept building his personhood from that. There’s bound to be more influencing factors, but this is all I got. So, at the beginning, Anton was a very new, separate thing, and Valery was an innately bodily thing. Darius was the personality that developed from life before Anton showed up. He was the host at the start, but not for long. Once Anton eased into fronting, we switched in regular intervals.

We never got diagnosed with DID or OSDD, but we didn’t see a therapist, and I also don’t think the diagnoses would have been warranted. The plurality didn’t cause us or our environment harm.

Irrelevant to my point, but to illustrate a timeline: Anton existed for 2,5 years before integration, Valery for 1,5. 2,5 years isn’t a very long plural experience, when I write it down like this, hmm… Again, irrelevant.

Next, integration and what’s been up since.

Before I get into it, more of a side-note. We tried integrating by force once because we’d grown frustrated with sharing a body as multiple people, and that hurt us, so we stopped trying. Thinking back of that makes me sad because we tried out of self-hate and it didn’t help at all. It was a very unrelated event to what came later.

Integration happened casually. We had a lot on our minds back then pertaining alterhumanity. We/I wanted to leave things that had nothing to do with plurality behind. We realized the value we put on identity aspects that had nothing to do with our day to day life (otherkinity) was harming us. So we distanced ourselves from that, and did a lot of work on being grounded in the moment, and appreciating present reality more. We stopped paying mind to who’s fronting when, and whose thoughts belong to whom, and with that we kinda just stopped being separate.

Integrating wasn’t a conscious choice. It was a side effect of unrelated (not intentionally related?) life changes. Since then, there’s been a few times where we almost ‘split’ again. It’s usually times where I’m reminded that I used to be a system. I start thinking about what it was like to be one, and it’s almost like I can feel my brain remembering old patterns that I could engage with again. I know what thoughts would be whose. I choose to ignore that, and accept all as my own. I prefer it that way, because categorizing and separating takes up time and effort, and Im lazzy. Okay no, silliness aside, being a single person gives me more ease of mind than separation. And that is my personal condition; it doesn’t mean that other systems would feel better integrated.

And life’s been great that way. I know in my first paragraph I said I haven’t been doing well (“MOST OF IT. I haven’t been well.”), and that’s truuuee, but also very unrelated to my lack of multiplicity. It’s possible that I would cope more with uni and family stress as a system. We were better at separating ourselves from reality as one, because we had a bigger focus inward that outward - that way not consciously noticing stressors as much.

As I alluded to, I don’t do much introspection anymore. Not on this stuff. So it’s really funny when I do notice things that call back to having been plural.

Anton’s favourite colour was yellow. After integrating I used to call pink my favourite - which was a fav we universally agreed on, even if we had slight separate preferences. It’s yellow now. Favourite flower? Also became Anton’s. There’s some other, more vague ways that his(/my) traits have carried over. Traits carried over from the other two are all vague, so I sadly have no examples to name there. Too abstract and less noticeable. Again, this is probably because Anton carried so many traits that used to be separate from my instinctual self. Oh! I want to point out, none of the examples I named (colour, flower) were things I came up with when creating him (ME?) as an OC. They developed as he lived through reality.

I’m not sure what conclusions I want to draw and give you from this. That it’s funny to notice how I’ve changed? That I’m glad for my personal journey? Yes. I’ve been lucky to have a very positive experience with plurality. It wasn’t a necessary coping mechanism for me, it just happened. And I had good friends who accepted and supported me. There were times, of course, where I got into discourse, and ran across people who looked down on systems like us (endogenic system hate), but that didn’t make us feel bad about ourselves. We felt at ease as a system and at ease as a single person. More at ease than I did before experiencing plurality. Does that make sense? <u< I think my take-away is, that it’s good to accept change. Accept plurality, and accept integration, and any other changed to your personhood(s) that come naturally and cause no harm to yourself or others. Forcing change hurts, and denying change hurts too.