#this reminds me of when my bf and i had our first date seven years ago 🥹

[sulsulrani]

🦋✨

previous | next || beginning

[taesthetes]

let’s unfall in love.

what if it began with the epilogue?

pairing: jeon jungkook x reader genre: angst, fluff type: college au word count: 3,291 words warnings: none playlist: 13 (lany) ⋆ 7up (boy in space) ⋆ pancakes (lany) ⋆ i.l.y. (the rose) ⋆ a poem titled you (taeyeon) ⋆ so, soo pretty (lany) author’s note: based on my college shenanigans and a few relationships i’ve witnessed my friends have

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It doesn’t end with a bang.

It ends with a quiet click of the lock and him sliding the key under the front door, instead of letting it hang from the bunny keychain you bought him three years ago. The apartment meant for two now only houses one, and the furniture that two chose together is now only owned by one. His last whispered goodbye echoes softly in the corners of the room before the silence settles around you in a stifling manner.

He had picked up the final box of his remaining items that you painstakingly packed away. The bigger items had been moved in the past two weeks, but you carefully gathered the last of his belongings and trinkets hidden within your once shared home earlier today. Three years of memories have all been reduced to one cardboard box filled with knick knacks. Will he throw away the ticket stub from your first movie date together? Will the small teddy bear be donated? You hope he won’t.

Sitting on the bed that now seemed too big, you reach over to your nightstand, tugging open the bottom drawer. You pull out the oversized, worn out black sweater with a small hole near the right sleeve. With a quiet smile, you register the faint smell of his cologne, balling up the soft fabric and pressing your nose to its collar. You hope he doesn’t mind that you kept one thing of his.

The break up is no surprise.

It’s been making its home in the back of your mind and his until it became so cluttered and prominent that the two of you were forced to address it. Perhaps it was your fault, maybe it was his, or it very well may be the culmination of both your faults. But the last grains of sand have slowly trickled down the hourglass, and your love for one another has reached its end. This isn’t where you and Jungkook envisioned your relationship would end, but what couple would ever predict their downfall? You hope he never did.

You neatly fold his sweater and tuck it away in a shoebox, pushing it into the farthest crevice of your closet: your final reminder of him resting on the empty side that was once his.

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You are exhausted, rubbing your temples, and your throat is hoarse from yelling. Jungkook stands on the opposite side of the room, arms crossed over his chest, unable to look at you anymore. Since when were you no longer on the same team, but fighting against each other in the same war?

The small argument had only escalated into something bigger until all the feelings that the two of you have been pushing down bubbles up into an ugly eruption.

“Where were you? I thought you’d be back by seven.”

“I got dinner with the boys.” he shrugged, dumping his bag on the ground next to the door.

“I told you to hang up your bag because someone can trip over it. And I made dinner.”

He swipes his backpack off the floor and tosses it onto the couch, much to your irritation. “I forget my things if I don’t leave it near the door. If you watch where you’re walking, you wouldn’t be faceplanting over a bag leaning against the wall.”

You take a deep breath, ignoring his sniping response. “I made dinner for us.”

“I’m not hungry. I can wrap it up and eat it tomorrow.”

“You’re never here anymore.” (I miss you.)

“It’s not my fault you haven’t been here for dinner for the past month, so I just assumed you’d be out tonight, too.” (You never spend time with me anymore.)

“I have work and classes, and we never made any plans! If you told me we had dinner plans, I would have gotten someone else to take my shift.” (Life keeps getting in the way of us. Why is it getting so hard for us?)

“It’s one time. I’ve been fine with you missing dinner all this time, so why can’t you be understanding of this one time?” (Why are we arguing like this?)

“I always texted you that I won’t be home! You couldn’t even send me one text?” (What happened to trusting each other?)

“I’m sorry, okay? It’s not that big of a deal. God, you’re suffocating me! You’re always acting like my mother.” (You’re not the person I fell in love with anymore.)

“Maybe if you stopped being so immature, I wouldn’t have to!”  (You’re not the person I fell in love with anymore.)

“I can’t do this anymore.” (Maybe we should break up.)

Where did the two of you go wrong?

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The moonlight filters through the gauzy curtains, casting soft shadows onto the empty side of the bed. It’s nearly midnight, and his place remains empty and cold. You lie in bed, scrolling aimlessly through your phone, as your laptop is abandoned next to you, the Netflix page to Brooklyn 99 already pulled up and open to the next episode for your shared nights together.

Looking at the bright Instagram photos of your friends on what seemed like an extremely fun club outing you had declined earlier in the day, you wish you had accepted their invitation. You close the app before reaching over and picking up your laptop, opening up the document for your upcoming research paper. You might as well work on it until he comes home for your tv marathon Friday night tradition.

[12:54 a.m.] golden bf: hey i took an extra shift and forgot to tell you. sorry

With a sigh, you save your document and close your laptop. Moving off the bed, you place your laptop onto your nightstand before picking up the untouched bowl of popcorn. You make your way to the kitchen, leaving the snack on the counter, before going back to bed alone. 

When you wake up, his side of the bed is slightly messy, any traces of warmth barely lingering behind. You groggily pull yourself out of bed, pulling the blanket around your shoulders, as you stumble out into the joint living room and kitchen area. Jungkook stands behind the counter, downing a cup of coffee.

“Hey,” he tiredly greets you before placing his mug in the sink and moving towards the door. “I’m going to class early to ask some questions before the midterm.”

“Oh, okay.” You make your way to the kitchen before pausing. “Good luck on your midterm.”

“Thanks.” He quickly slides on his shoes and then twists the doorknob and walks out. Halfway through the door, he hesitates before saying halfheartedly, “Love you.”

And then he disappears. You stare at the coffee machine whirring before you, the drip drip of the liquid following soon after. “Love you, too.”

Since when did I love you’s become shortened to love you’s? And when did they start to feel like habitual obligations, instead of heart racing confessions?

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You are pacing back and forth in the kitchen, palms feeling clammy, as you await for the phone call with bated breath. Jungkook is by the stove, glancing at you worriedly, as he pours the last of the pancake batter onto the pan. He makes a mental note to go to the grocery store after his last class tomorrow. Besides the five pack of ramen in the cupboard, all he could find was pancake mix. So pancakes it is for dinner. 

“What if they don’t call?” you mumble, clenching your hands into fists and anxiously staring at your cellphone laying innocently on top of the counter.

“They will. You’ll get the internship,” Jungkook quietly assures you. Sliding the last one onto the tower of pancakes, he turns off the stove and places the pan in the sink. He reaches out to grasp your hands, gently unfurling them and intertwines his fingers with yours. “You’re smart and amazing and kind, and they’d be lucky to have you.”

“But, what if—”

The phone rings, interrupting you, and you freeze. Jungkook squeezes your hands reassuringly. One squeeze. Four squeezes. Three squeezes. You take a deep breath, he lets go of your right hand, and you pick up your phone.

“Hello? ... Yes, that’s me. ... Yes, yes, I understand. .... Yes, thank you so much. ... Thank you, bye.”

You place the phone back onto the counter, and Jungkook looks at you expectantly. Heart rapidly pounding in your chest, you manage to finally get the words out, “I got the internship.”

A full blown grin blooms across his face as he wraps his arms around you, tugging you in and spinning you around. Laughing, you bury your face in the space between his neck and shoulder, throwing your arms around him as well. When you pull away, he presses kisses all over your face as you giggle, swatting at him to stop.

“I knew it.” He smirks at you triumphantly, still hugging you tightly to his chest. “I knew you’d get it. I even bought this on my way home to celebrate.”

Walking over to the fridge, he proudly pulls out a bottle of champagne, setting it on the counter. “Pancakes and champagne. I can’t think of a better way to celebrate. Can you?”

Shaking your head, you grin as he places the corkscrew and two mismatching mugs on the countertop. With a resounding pop, he pours out a drink for the two of you. Keeping the frog patterned mug for himself, Jungkook hands the holiday themed cup to you. He presses a kiss to your cheek and positively beams when you return the gesture.

“I love you, babe. I’m so proud of you.”

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“What about Spike?”

You frown at him. “That sounds like a generic dog name a small child would give to a Rottweiler.”

“Hey, I’ll have you know Spike is a very good boy. Our plant should be honored that it’s named after a canine icon in the Jeon household.” Jungkook stands next to the three plants you had placed in the windowsill of your shared new apartment. “Besides, you already named our first two plant children.”

“I only named one!” you protest, pointing to the tiny budding succulent on the far right. “The other one was a housewarming gift from Namjoon, and he said he already named it Blossom. So I thought we could do a Power Puff Girls theme and named this one Bubbles. And that one can be Buttercup.”

“But I want a Spike the Second.” Jungkook sulks before reaching out and longingly touching one of the prickles on the cactus. “He looks like a Spike.”

Blossom, Bubbles... and Spike.

Your boyfriend stares at you, widening his doe eyes and pouting, and you sigh, relenting. “Okay, we’ll name it Spike.”

He brightens up immediately, leaning down to be face level with the cactus. “You’re the best plant ever, Spike. I’ll be a better plant dad than Namjoon.”

Three weeks later, you notice the dead plant on the windowsill. You don’t know how Jungkook managed to kill a cactus, but you do know that he will be absolutely devastated if he finds out. You quickly run out to buy a new one and replace it before he gets home. Jungkook is none the wiser, ever the doting plant parent.

Luckily, Spike the Third continues to live on.

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You sit on the wooden bench, tugging off your shoes before pulling on the ice skates. You lace them up easily, tying the ends into double-knotted bows. Jungkook takes a seat next to you, slowly removing his timberlands before somewhat reluctantly sliding his feet into the ice skates he rented at the counter earlier.

“Jungkook.”

“Hmm?” He looks up towards you, and you tilt your head slightly. “Is this your first time ice skating?”

“... How did you know?”

You smile softly. “You look a little nervous. Here.”

You kneel down next to him, reaching over to tighten his laces. “These need to be a little tighter. Can’t have you flopping all over the ice.”

He huffs a little, crimson blossoming on his cheeks. He is bundled up in a semi-puffy jacket with a maroon beanie pulled over his head, and you’re reminded of how similar he looks to one of those cute little puffed up robins.

“Around the tree and down the rabbit hole... There!” You finish tying his skates, oblivious to the soft gaze he has on you the entire time, and shove both your pair of shoes and his into the locket below the bench. “You’re ready to skate.”

“W-wait! How do I get over there?” Jungkook desperately clutches onto your arm, legs shaking. You grab his hand, lacing your fingers with his tightly. “Just take one step at a time slowly.”

Leaning heavily on you, he stumbles his way towards the rink, finally reaching the edge of it. He clings onto the wall and your hand before taking one baby step onto the ice. You skate next to him with interlocking hands as he makes a careful circle around the rink next to the wall, precariously wobbling like Bambi on ice.

“This is so embarrassing,” he mumbles, turning pink when some children zip past him.

“You’re doing good! Everyone has to start somewhere.” You gently tug him away from the wall, and he teeters slightly before tightly grabbing onto your arm. The two of you start to move, skating slowly but surely. “See? You’re skating!”

“I’m skating!” A gleeful expression spreads across his face as he pushes one foot in front of the other more enthusiastically. He lets go of your arm, gliding forward. The amount of pure, unadulterated joy emitting from him makes you grin as you skate behind him. “I’m doing it! I’m actually—”

Thump.

Bewildered, he stares up at you from the floor in shock, doe eyes widened and bottom planted firmly on the ice. You can’t help it as laughter bubbles up from your throat, and you quickly skate over to him. “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry for laughing, are you okay?”

His shoulders relax as he starts to chuckle, eyes twinkling. “I’m good. I think I just fell for you though.”

Your shoulders shake as you laugh even more, reaching down to pull him up. “Let me help yo—”

Thump.

You find yourself sitting on the cold surface next to him, slightly dazed. Jungkook laughs freely, eyes forming perfect moon crescents, and while the coldness may be seeping through the fabric of your jeans, you have never felt warmer than ever, grinning back at the boy next to you. The two of you carefully help each other up. You slip your hand into his, squeezing it tightly, and he smiles at you, eyes sparkling. You bravely lean up and place a soft kiss to his cheek, making him beam.

"I guess I fell for you, too.”

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“Shoot, I’m so sorry!”

The bright red substance more affectionately known as jungle juice has now decorated the front of your shirt, the fabric clinging to your figure more than ever. You look up to see a doe eyed boy nervously standing in front of you, the telltale red solo cup in his hand.

“I didn’t mean to, someone pushed into me from behind, and it just spilled over,” he rambles, placing his cup on the table and scrambling around to find some napkins or towels or just something to help the cute person that he just made a complete fool of himself in front of. “God, do they even have napkins at parties like these?”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” you place your hand on his arm, stopping him in his tracks like a deer in the headlights. “Maybe help me find a bathroom to wash this out?”

“Yeah, yeah, okay, there’s one upstairs.” You follow behind him as he pushes his way through everyone until you reach the stairs. “God, I’m really sorry, I don’t even go to parties. Yugyeom said there was gonna be free pizza, so I came, and then all they had were drinks and he insisted I have one, and I just— Sorry, anyway, here’s the bathroom.”

“First off,” you say, dabbing at your shirt with some wet towels, as he anxiously sits on top of the closed toilet. “You should never trust Yugyeom about those things. He told me the same thing before and when I showed up, all he had was an expired frozen Digiorno’s pizza left thawing on the counter.”

He snorts at that, reaching over to wet some more paper towels for you before handing them over. “I was desperate, sue me. I’m down to my last packet of ramen. I would do anything for a slice of pizza at this point.”

You thank him, using the new towels to wipe at your shirt futilely. Sighing, you toss them into the trashcan, accepting the fact that your shirt is past the point of no return. Wine stains are the worst.

“Well, pizza boy, looks like you poured your drink on the right person. I know a great place that opens late and sells whole pizzas for five dollars. You in?”

“Wait, really?”

“Well, I can’t finish a whole pizza myself, and it’s gonna be hard trying to find my friends now.” You wave your hand around vaguely. “So you up for pizza?”

“Heck yes, but wait.” He hurriedly tugs off his jean jacket and pulls off his black sweater, leaving him in a white v-neck t-shirt. He shyly holds out the sweater to you. “Here, put this on. It’s gonna be cold out.”

You grin, accepting his sweater and slipping it on with ease, reveling in its warmth. He puts on his jean jacket again and secretly hides a smile when he notices how the sweater envelopes you, the sleeves covering your hands and giving you sweater paws.

“Thanks...?”

“Jungkook,” he supplies, smiling widely at you. “I’m Jungkook.”

“Nice to meet you, Jungkook. I’m _______.”

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"I’m here, I’m here!”

Standing next to the business building, you look up from your phone to see Eunha running towards you, hair flying. She quickly smoothes down any stray strands when she skids to a stop in front of you. “Sorry, I’m a little late.”

“No worries, how was your class?” You slip your phone into your backpocket, walking side by side with your friend towards the dining hall.

“Ten minutes in, he already assigns us a group project. Like c’mon, we just got out of summer break and he hits us with this thing that’s worth 30% of our grade!” she complains, waving her hands around in frustration. “You know what’s even worse? He assigned us random group partners. Do you know Myoui Mina, Kim Mingyu, or Jeon Jungkook?”

You purse your lips, thinking back to your previous classes. “Mina is really nice. She let me borrow her notes when I was sick. Mingyu was in my business law class, I think maybe? It was an eight a.m. lecture, so I didn’t pay attention to whatever was going on. I don’t know any Jungkook though.”

“Well, at least I know one member of my group is reliable.”

“Did you swap numbers and set up a group meeting at least?”

“Yeah,” she grumbles, “We’re all meeting Thursday night in the library.”

You shoot her a reassuring smile. “See? I’m sure it’ll all be fine. Now let’s hurry before they run out of the good whipped cream for waffles.”

“Oh my god, you’re right, we gotta run.”

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“If I read our story backwards, it's about how I un-broke your heart, and then we were happy until one day, you forgot about me forever.”  — The Tiny Book of Tiny Stories: Volume 1.

[remuswriting]

Sugarawa x Remus self-ship ‘hcs’

List of questions can be found here

I am sad and needed something to help cheer me up, so I did this.

You’re totally welcome to ship us if you’d like.

1. Where was your first date?

All of my first dates I’ve gone on were out to eat and were so boring because the energy was so awkward.  I planned all those dates, so he probably took control over this one.  We probably go on a picnic date in a park that I really like.

2. Who normally plans the dates?

Him 100%.   We were definitely friends before we started dating and he knew I’d get overwhelmed and just make napping a date

3. What type of dates would you two mostly go on? Do you guys have a “date spot” ?

We like to do pretty interactive dates, so ones where you’re not sitting in a restaurant.  Maybe going to bookstores and picking each other out a book.  Or maybe movie night but we go to a movie rental shop to get the movie, popcorn, and candy.  Our ‘date spot’ isn’t really definitive, but we probably end up going to the park the most.

4. What kind of date do you think the both of you would enjoy together the most? Why?

Interactive dates like I said above.  I know all dates are quality time with someone else, but ours kind of intensify it.  Our dates require us to be more alone together, even in a bookstore we end up back together in the end and then maybe go read at our park.  Just spending time together outside of the house and also being alone at the same time.

5. How do you think your friends would feel about them being your bf/gf/partner?

I actually asked my best friend this question because she also watches Haikyuu and she said she’d be shocked.  She’d be extremely happy for me, but shocked that I managed to actually talk to him.  My other friends would be okay with him; he and I are pretty similar, so they’d think it was a good match.

6. How do you think their friends would feel about you?

I think Daichi and Asahi would like me because we were already friends before. I’m not sure who all he stays close friends with after high school, but I doubt any of the Karasuno boys would hate me. Noya and Tanaka may be very wary of me because they obviously love and care about Sugawara.  Kageyama and Tsukishima would literally not care, because it’s not their relationship.

7. Who would most likely help the other study when they’re struggling in a class?

He would definitely have to help me.  Struggling in a class doesn’t really mean I’m bad in it but that I just can’t concentrate.  I am shit about math and science, but I could make pretty good grades if I was able to just focus on studying.  Suga would definitely help me focus though, because studying with other people always helps me.

8. How would you know them? ( ex: same homeroom, same route to school, etc.)

I’ve put so much thought into this.  It would be freshman composition 1, which means we’re freshmen in university.  I’m sitting alone, way too early to class because it’s the first day, and Sugawara decides he will sit next to me, even though there are tons of empty chairs. He decides to ask me what I’m doing on my computer because ‘you’re typing a lot’ and I tell him I’m writing. Every day he asks me to tell him a new thing about what I’m writing, and we end up pairing up for a group project and become friends.

9. What do you think your first impression of them would be?

Definitely ‘holy shit he is so pretty, why is this really beautiful guy so pretty’ and then he talks to me and I’m really trying to hold in my gay panic because ‘even his voice is pretty, I have never seen a man as pretty as this one.

10. What do you think their first impression of you would be?

Probably thinks I’m shy (I’m kind of am but not really) and thinks it’s cute how flustered I get when he starts talking to me.

11. Who’s more awkward in the relationship?

Me.  I’ve been in a lot of relationships, but they were all disasters, so I’d be pretty awkward because I’m not exactly sure on what to do.

12. Who initiates verbal affection more?

Me.  I’m not very touchy, even in relationships, and my love language is heavy on words of affirmation.

13. Who initiates physical affection more?

Suga.  I think he’s more into PDA to show his love.  We’d probably come up with a compromise, because I’ll do PDA but physical touch cause me a lot of anxiety at times.

14. Who gets more embarrassed by verbal affection?

I think we’d both get embarrassed when receiving it, but he’d also get embarrassed when saying it while I wouldn’t.  Even though verbal affection is my love language, but I still get embarrassed when receiving it (attention can make me embarrassed in general); I’m super confident at giving it.

15. Who gets more embarrassed by physical affection?

Me.  I’ve already said it can give me anxiety and that’s the main reason why I’d get embarrassed.

16. How well do you think your music tastes would mix? Would they like the music you listen to? Would you like the music they listen to?

I have absolutely no clue. Sugawara doesn’t seem like the kind of person who listens to sad music on repeat.  He’s into more of Disney and anime openings/endings.  I wouldn’t have any problems listen to what he listens to, I just hate country music.

17. Who is the one more likely to keep the other in check? ( ex: keeping up with studies, making sure the other isn’t skipping class, etc.)

He definitely always having to keep me in check.  I struggle with depression, which has made me skip 3 weeks of class before.  His way of keeping me in check would be to schedule breakfast/lunch dates on campus, so I feel like I have to go to class to tell him about my classes.

18. How similar are your personalities?

We’re pretty similar. He’s more affectionate than I am with people.  I come off as pretty aggressive and cold, but I do care about those around me.  So, we’re both fairly caring and like to help others, but we’re both extremely chaotic.  I’m pretty sure I’m more chaotic than he is.  He likes to ensue chaos amongst people while I’m the person who sits in the middle of campus at 2am and campus police have to ask if I’m okay.

19. How compatible are your mbti’s?

I’m an INTP and he’s an INFJ.  I looked up the compatibility and it says it’s pretty strong.   I’ll just believe the internet. 

20. How compatible are your zodiac signs?

I think zodiac signs are really stupid, so I don’t really care about this one.  I’m a Taurus and he’s a Gemini.  I have like 3 friends who are Gemini and we get along just fine.  I think personality type is more important than zodiac sign.

21. Who would be the tattoo artist and who would be the florist?

Neither.  Sugawara is a barista at the only coffee shop that serves gluten free lemon cake near campus.  I’m the creative writing major, who is working on his huge project, that comes in every day he works.  I also definitely messed up my order the first time I saw him.

22. How big is the height difference?

           He’s 5’8” and I’m 5’1” so seven inches.

23. How would you describe your first kiss?

I’m going to let you guys in on a little secret; all first kisses suck.  Never base if you’re going to date someone because of a first kiss, because it is always awkward and lowkey sucks.  Our first kiss would be awkward, we definitely knocked noses and he had to grab my face to kiss me.  The kiss itself wasn’t bad, the entire experience was awkward though.

24. Would you confess first, or would they? How would it have gone?

Sugawara confessed first because I literally don’t know how to.  He was at my apartment studying while I was writing and I asked if I could read out some dialogue for him because I didn’t know if it was any good. He then just said “I really, really like you” and I was like “Cool, I like you too, now can I read out this dialogue?

25. Do you think they’d be good at your love language?

I have multiple love languages, I tied in all three of these; Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, and Acts of Service.  They end up tying into some of my mental illness, so they all really make sense for me.

I truly know that he would be good at my love language(s).  Spending quality time together is already a common thing for us and we tell each other we love each other all the time.  He praises me when I do good on things and just makes sure I know he loves me.  Acts of Service isn’t a love language that I am always in need of.  It’s mainly for when I become depressed to where I can’t really function like I typically do, and he helps me where he can.  When I need that type of love language, I don’t really want any words of affirmation because it causes me to feel guilty.  But him coming over (or home) and cleaning up the place before laying next to me and telling me about his day is something that would mean the world to me.

26. What do you think their love language is, and do you think you’d be good at it?

I firmly believe this man’s love language is physical touch.  I would do my best at it.  I may not do it all the time, but there would be times I would just know to do it because he needed it and that’s all that matters to me.  Over time I think I’d get better at it, but it could take years for me to get to a point where I was ‘good’ at it.

27. Why do you think they fell for you?

I don’t 100% know.  I know we’d be good friends, but something probably happened to make him realize he liked/loved me.  It was probably something of he was sad and texted me he couldn’t come over, but I ended up at his doorstep with his favorite food and his favorite chick flic saying that we were going to have the best night ever.

28. Why do you think you’d fall for them?

I fall extremely fast in relationships, it’s really sad to be honest.  He would make me laugh and happy.  Suga would definitely be supportive when I come out to him and told me he’d never see me differently no matter if I was trans or not.  Him being so accepting would probably make me fall in love with him.

29.  Are there any songs that remind you of your self-ship?

Please Notice (Christian Leave), Into You (Ariana Grande), Lethal Combination (The Wombats), Enchanted (Taylor Swift), Dazed & Confused (Ruel), Sucker (Jonas Brothers), Come Back…Be Here (Taylor Swift)

 30. Are there any cliché tropes that apply to your self-ship?

           Friends to lovers is the only one I know of.  I don’t know a lot about cliché tropes.

31.  Who would prefer cooking? Cleaning? Baking? None of the above?

Sugawara would prefer cooking while I prefer baking.  Cleaning would just be something we do together because we both have certain ways we clean things and have to work together on.

32. Who takes really aesthetic, elegant photos of the other?

We take turns in a way, but mainly me.  I hate getting my photo taken, so I’m taking majority of the photos.  He takes really elegant photos of me when I’m not paying attention though.

33. Who takes very unexpected, unflattering photos of the other?

Both.  We’ve made it into a competition of who can get the worst one.  I’m winning with the high quality people where I’m sitting on his seat, my eyes/forehead in the photo, while he looks atrocious because of the angle.

34. How would your (future?) careers work together? Would your schedules clash, or sync well?

I truly hate this question, because I don’t know what career I’m going to have.  I’d love to work in a publishing house, so we’ll go with that one.  Sugawara is an elementary school teacher, as you may already know because of time skip. Our schedules alignment would change pretty regularly depending on the project I have, but I’m always home to tell him to go to sleep and he can finish grading papers in the morning.  He refuses my help on grading because he says I’d be too intense on third graders.

35. Who would suck at games?

I’m assuming this means videogames and I straight up just don’t play any video games.  I’m pretty good at board games (besides Monopoly because I’ve never played it) and would destroy him at Clue.

 36. Who would let the other win at games?

Neither.  We’re both pretty competitive.  He gets pissed because I keep winning at board games when I barely even pay attention to the game though.

37. Who is messier?

Me.  I’m the kind of person that has a clean room before I wake up and suddenly it’s destroyed because I got ready.

38. Who would propose? Would either of you want marriage in the future?

Sugawara would 100% want to get married, but I’m pretty hesitant because of my past relationships and just view on marriage as a whole.  I’d most likely marry him, but that would be a huge talk.  He’d also be the one to propose and it was a huge proposal where we literally go to Disney World to do it.  I later tell him that he could’ve asked me while we were watching Bones and I would’ve said yes.

39. Where would your dream vacation be with your self-ship? What would you guys do?

Disney World and Universal Studios.  I want to live out my dream of getting the photographers of me kissing my boyfriend at Disney World and buying Hogwarts stuff at Universal.  He’s 100% a Slytherin and I’m a Hufflepuff with Slytherin tendencies, aka best pairing.

40. What are traits you have that would annoy/upset them?

I’m severely pessimistic and lazy.  Being lazy would annoy him, but I imagine that my pessimism would eventually piss him off.

41. What are traits they have that would annoy/upset you?

I don’t really know. He seems to be the kind of person that just does everything constantly, and it would annoy me.  He doesn’t know how to take a break and relax, which I do way too much of but that’s because I do a lot of stuff at once and then I relax for however long I can.  Suga doesn’t know how to do that though.  It would just be annoying; it wouldn’t upset me.

42. How often would you guys probably fight? What would they normally be about? Would they be big or small?

I don’t think we’d fight that much, but that’s because I ever get upset enough to actually fight. Sometimes I yell and tell people to actually listen, but that’s the extent of my typical anger.  Our fights would probably revolve around unhealthy habits. Probably tells me to stop being pessimistic and I try to explain it’s not that simple, and soon enough there’s a fight.  He definitely starts them because I think he’s so much more open about everything he feels compared to me.  We never insult each other or anything though, even if it’s a nasty fight.  The worst it has come down to was “I don’t want to see your face right now, I’m leaving” and I end up sleeping at a friend’s house.  The next day we calmly talk through it and the fight is done.

43. Who would probably get sick more often? Who would baby the other when sick? Who acts like they’re dying when they get a stuffy nose?

He definitely gets actually sick more than I do because my immune system is really good.  I tend to not feel good when I’m depressed, I have actually ran a fever because of it, but I’m not actually sick.  I don’t baby him at all.  My mother is a nurse and the most I was babied was when I was really young and had a severe case of the flu, besides that she sets out medications and tells us to drink water and sleep.  I would buy him soup (I have caught soup on fire before) and really cover him with blankets to make sure his fever goes down.  I act like I’m dying when I get a stuffy nose though and he just asks my mom want to get and buys it for me.

44. Who has the worst patience? Does the other balance this out?

I have the worst patience out of everyone I know, except my mother (where I got having no patience from). Sugawara has a lot more patience than I do because of being in volleyball and has to constantly tell me that we will get to the counter eventually when I complain that the line is way too slow and my version of Hell is waiting in a line.

45. Which one suggests trips to stores at 3am?

Me. No one is there that late, so it’s the perfect time to go.

46. Who is a morning person? Who is a night person?

He’s a morning person and I’m a night person.

47. Out of the two of you, who would be the one to kill / get rid of the spider?

Me. Spiders don’t bother at all.

48. Who reminds the other of things? ( ex: appointments, tests, etc.)

Sugawara has to remind me of everything.  I am overly forgetful and he tells me the night before as well as text me before the appointment.  He thought in the beginning of the relationship that getting calls the day before my appointment would truly remind me, but they don’t.  I forget what floor my doctor’s office is on and I’ve been going there for years, so remembering appointments is just extremely hard for me.

49. What is the pace of the relationship? ( ex: started dating after a few weeks, takes months/years, act couple like right off the bat, need time, etc?)

I’m not sure if I fully understand this, but he and I were friends for probably months before we started dating.  I may have liked him longer, but I’m used to guys not liking me back.  He probably liked me for a month and then awkwardly confessed.  We immediately started acting a couple once we started dating though.

50. Who said the first “ I love you”? Was it immediately reciprocated, or did the other person wait?

He said it first.  It slipped out when he was lying next to me on one of my bad days and was like “I just love you so much.”  He didn’t even freeze, at all, and I was pretty quiet because I wasn’t in the mood for talking to begin with.  I said it later when he brought me food, and he almost broke a plate in shock.

[1989dreamer]

When the Stars Align

And here is part two of why @evanesdust​ had to be so, so patient for their prompt to be fulfilled.

AO3 Link

Written for this prompt (same as Seventy-Five Percent).

Yes, I wrote three stories for the same prompt. It was a lot of fun.

Summary: Derek has a coworker that is a little too enthusiastic about getting him alone, so he asks Stiles for help. Stiles gladly volunteers but neither of them quite know what they’re getting into. A pissed off Kate Argent isn’t to be trifled with and neither are the growing feelings Stiles has for Derek.

Tags: Stalking, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Past Child Abuse, Murderer Peter Hale, Deputy Cora Hale. Human AU, Getting Together, Fake Dating, Kate Argent is Her Own Warning, Fear, Non-descriptive Panic Attacks

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It was a beautiful Thursday afternoon, and Stiles was out at the park with his sketchbook and pencils, just trying to draw random sketches of his characters, trying to find the natural flow of their movement for the big battle they had coming up. Suddenly, almost sweetly, he heard the words: “I’m going out with Stiles.”

His head shot up. He was going out with someone? News to him. Who could be making such a bold claim?

He studied the people nearest him: Derek Hale, older brother of Stiles’ closest friend, Cora Hale; some blonde woman standing way too close to Derek; and a sallow-faced, shady-looking fellow who reminded Stiles of his sadistic chemistry teacher.

Derek pointed at Stiles. “My boyfriend,” he said, somewhat stiffly, upset and uncomfortable, and excuse him but Stiles was a national treasure. Dating him would be nothing but a delight.

The blonde woman seemed unperturbed by the fact that Derek was one) clearly trying to escape and two) his “boyfriend” was right there.

Stiles stood up, shoved his sketchpad under his arm, and sauntered over to them. He cocked a hip and tucked a hand around Derek’s waist, noting the way Derek sagged against him in relief. “What’s up, babe? These idiots bothering you?”

The woman’s face sank into a sour expression, and Stiles almost laughed at how angry she appeared. Almost as if she’d known Derek was lying to her, but Stiles had decided to play along. Whatever. It wasn’t like Stiles had anything better to do than to rescue the older brothers of his friends.

The woman stuck out her hand. “Kate Argent,” she said, as sour as her face.

Stiles ignored her hand. “Stiles, Derek’s other half.”

“Certainly not the better half,” Kate laughed, something malicious lurking beneath her false smile.

“I wouldn’t say that,” Derek said, and wasn’t he being so sweet? Stiles pinched him to make him close his mouth.

“Now, my question still stands: are you bothering my boyfriend?”

Kate didn’t answer. Instead, she stomped off, her companion trailing after her. Derek didn’t immediately pull away, which surprised Stiles.

“What’s up with that?” Stiles asked when Derek finally disentangled himself.

Derek rolled his shoulders. “I don’t know,” he mumbled. “She works with me. Technically she’s my boss.”

“And how does dating me come into it?”

Derek rolled his shoulders again and Stiles realized that he was shrugging.

“If you date me for, say, a month and then break up with me, spectacularly, publicly, Kate would think I’m undateable and she’ll leave me alone.”

“And why me?”

Derek shrugged again. “I panicked?” he offered.

“Oh, I see. I’m the convenient choice.”

“No,” Derek said. “I just.” He blew out a breath. “You were right there. I knew you. I’m sorry. You don’t have to do it. I can find someone else.”

For some reason, that was more of an insult to Stiles than the fact that Derek had chosen him in the first place. “Now, wait a minute.” He grabbed Derek’s hand. “I didn’t say I wouldn’t do it.”

Derek’s eyebrows scrunched together. “You’ll do it?”

Stiles nodded. “Who knows why? Probably because you’re the big brother of my best friend, and Cora will never let me hear the end of it if I let you get pressured into dating your boss.”

Derek made a face. “Cora can’t know about the fake dating thing,” he said.

“Why not?” Stiles shook his head. “She’s my best friend. Of course, she’s going to know.”

Derek sighed. “Fine. It’s not like she wouldn’t have found out anyway.”

“So, what are your rules for dating?” Derek shrugged. “No, seriously. What’s on the table? What’s off? Pet names? Touching? What kind of dates do you want to go on? I mean, you want Kate to actually think we’re dating, right?”

“I guess?” Derek frowned. “I-I think so? Would it be easier to meet up at, like, one of our apartments and plan this out?”

“Sure. That works. Want to go now?”

Derek nodded. Honestly, he looked a little lost. Something wasn’t adding up. “Why can’t you just tell Kate’s boss or HR that she’s bothering you? Why go through this subterfuge?”

Derek sighed, and Stiles felt the vibration of it in his chest. Derek was bone tired, exhausted, and frustrated. He was thoroughly vexed.

“Kate is the HR department,” he said. “Her dad owns the company. All my coworkers just tell me to buckle down and date her.”

“But,” Stiles said.

“I’m not comfortable with dating. There’s been rumors of some of the men she’s dated before. She likes challenges, likes to break her partners. She’s taken my disinterest as a challenge.”

“There’s got to be some way to report her. Will any of her former partners file a police report against her?”

“I don’t know. I think she, like, collects evidence that her partners are the ones who hurt her.”

Stiles shuddered. “Dude, I am so sorry that she’s targeting you.”

“So am I.” Derek sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. “I’m sorry I got you involved. Kate will probably try and scare you off. I don’t know what tactics she’ll use, so I can’t warn you more.”

“Well, how about we worry about the logistics of the dating before we worry about what Kate will or won’t do?”

Derek nodded, sitting down on the grass next to Stiles. He held out his hands, like he was showing that he was unarmed. Stiles smiled at him. While he hadn’t known Derek well when he and Cora were in school together, he’d been the cool older brother. The hot, cool older brother that Stiles sometimes daydreamed about kissing until he lost his edge.

Talking to Derek now, finding out that he liked some of the same things Stiles did and dates would be easy enough, that he liked slow dancing and kissing in the rain, that it took more than a few meetings before he made up his mind as to whether or not he actually liked someone romantically was all cute and good. It also made it a little more embarrassing that Stiles wanted to kiss him even more now.

Derek nodded at the sketchbook. “Anything good?”

“Just character studies,” Stiles replied. He was not in the habit of sharing his work before it was ready to publish. He was also used to people not respecting his boundaries when he said he didn’t want to share, that he was already expecting Derek to demand his sketchbook anyway.

“Cool,” Derek said. He gripped a handful of grass, tugging at it too gently to break any blades. “I write stories that are sort of like that.”

“Oh really?” Stiles smiled to let Derek know that he thought that was cool too, but it was wasted because Derek never looked up. “Hey,” Stiles said, “you know that if you put words on paper, then you’re a writer regardless of what anyone else tells you, right?”

“Right.” Stiles heard the disbelief in Derek’s voice. He could also relate to being told that his “hobby” wasn’t a form of real art. Well, he had time. He would start working with Derek to shed the negativity and embrace his passion.

“So, um,” Derek said, “did you want to do the first date tonight?”

“Yes,” Stiles said before Derek could take it back. “Absolutely. Pick you up at 7:00?”

“Sounds good.” Derek pulled out a small book, tore out a piece of paper, wrote down his address and phone number. “Just text me something so I have your number too.” He handed the paper to Stiles.

“Absolutely.” Stiles waved when Derek stood up. As soon as Derek was out of sight, Stiles sent two texts.

One to Derek: This is stiles now u have my #

And one to Cora: Dating ur bro don’t make it weird

Derek did not respond immediately, but Cora did.

Y

Y what

Y my brother. Leave derek alone u ass

He’s my bf now. Srsly tho, i’m helping him. Don’t give him grief

Fine. But if he cries over u, i break ur knees

Fair

Stiles set his phone aside and picked up his sketchbook again, tracing the shadow under his main character’s face. It wasn’t perfect, but Stiles wasn’t trying. This had been an exercise to get him out of his apartment. Finding out that Derek was in need of a rescue just like Malcolm was not at all how he planned his Thursday to go, but it was still nice enough. Besides, he’d secured a date with the hottest senior at Beacon Hills High—never mind that Derek hadn’t been a senior in high school for almost seven years and Stiles had graduated college and moved back to help out his dad, who was looking to retire from the position of Sheriff of Beacon County within the next two or three years. He’d started taking some graphic design classes at the community college when he realized he could only get so far with his self-taught art.

He still liked hand-drawing things, and he was almost ready to move onto sketching Mallorca when his pad was forcibly lowered.

He gripped his pencil, aware of how much damage he could inflict even though it was dull. Kate’s face popped into view and Stiles restrained his hand.

“What do you want?” he said, blandly. Uninterested. Kate seemed the type of person to hate that.

Stiles was right. She barely waited a second more before thumping his sketchbook down on his lap.

“Listen, Styles,” she hissed.

“Stiles,” he corrected.

Kate looked at him like he’d grown a second head. “That’s what I said.”

“No.” Stiles shook his head. “You said ‘Styles,’ like style of clothing or something. My name is ‘Stiles,’ with an i.”

Kate glared at him. “Whatever. Just stay away from Derek Hale. He may think he’s your boyfriend, but there’s only one person who’s right for him, and it’s not you.”

“Maybe so,” Stiles agreed easily, “but you know who has to make that decision? Derek. Not you.” He picked up his sketchbook, tucked away his pencils, and walked away from Kate.

This wasn’t high school. And no one should ever be able to call dibs on a person anyway.

Kate needed to grow up, but Stiles doubted that she ever would. She’d had lines by her eyes and a little gray in her hair under the bad dye job. She’d probably never had to work for anything in her life, working in Daddy’s company, having men thrown at her feet either by themselves or by circumstances.

If dating Derek got Kate off his back, then Stiles was game.

His phone chimed.

Derek.

Thanks. What did you want to do tonight? Dinner? Movie?

Stiles paused, thinking. He’d only been planning on taking Derek out to The Boot, a steakhouse on the edge of town. Jeans and flannel almost a requirement. But a movie…No, Stiles didn’t like movies for first dates. There was a small park—just a bench and some trees—near Stiles’ apartment that he liked to sit outside and dream up new adventures for his webcomic.

Maybe he could take Derek there?

Stargazing actually. If thats okay?

Derek’s reply came a few seconds later. Sounds good. Thanks.

Stiles couldn’t help the elation those words gave him. Yeah, it was Derek’s idea to pick out Stiles as a potential date, but the fact that he was agreeable to Stiles’ suggestions was a nice departure from Stiles’ usual dates.

See you at 7.

Stiles smiled at his phone, sending, See u then and then basically floating home, his steps light and unfettered.

He would make tonight awesome for Derek. And himself. The start of something new and beautiful.

The end would be fiery, and he’d have to guard his heart, but there wasn’t any harm in playing pretend, right? Thinking of a future where Derek did really want to date him. Where Kate Argent wasn’t a reason Derek needed safety or that Stiles could provide that safety.

Yeah. It was a nice fantasy.

~ * ~

The Boot wasn’t too crowded and the food only so-so, but when Derek got going, he could tell a story and keep Stiles sitting on the edge of his seat.

Using interrogation tactics gleaned from a lifetime as the son of a law officer, Stiles managed to extract Derek’s online persona from him, filing away the information for later in case he had to live a sudden Derek-less existence.

Like after publicly breaking up with Derek to make him undesirable.

After their meal, which Derek paid for and Stiles vowed to get the next one, they headed to the little park by Stiles’ apartment. He was acutely aware that sometime during their meal, the sallow-faced man Kate had been with showed up, and now he was following them.

“Excuse me a moment,” Stiles said, ducking into the bushes, like he was going to take a leak. Instead, as soon as he was out of sight, he pulled out his phone and sent a text to Cora, asking her to look into Kate Argent and her associates.

Cora was a junior deputy at the Beacon County Sheriff’s Department and as such had access to resources that Stiles could only dream of—legally—obtaining.

Her reply came immediately: What am I looking for?

Stiles made sure his flash was off before he took a quick snap of Derek standing under the streetlight, back tense, facing down the sallow-faced man, who was perfectly illuminated, if even more washed out because of the quality of the light.

Fella on the left

On it

Stiles put away his phone and stepped out from the bushes, tugging at his zipper like he was just redoing it.

Derek sagged, visibly relieved to see him.

“Problems?” Stiles asked, putting his arm around Derek’s waist, making sure to keep his hand from actually touching him to keep up with the illusion that he’d just handled his dick.

“No,” Derek lied.

The man nodded his agreement. “Just thought I recognized him.”

“And do you?”

“Yeah,” again it was Derek who spoke. “This is Jerry. He works in Kate’s office with her.”

“Jerry, huh? Well, glad to see that you’re not a stranger I have to call the cops on. Just a coworker.”

Jerry shrugged. “I’m not who you should be worried about.”

“And neither is Kate. Go tell her the date was great. And we’re going to have sex now.”

Jerry scuttled away, his expression somewhat relieved. Puzzling.

Stiles’ phone pinged and he checked it to find a text from Cora.

Jerry has priors. Stay clear of him.

Priors, huh. Could be why he hung around Kate so much outside of work, if she had something on him.

Will do, he sent back. Well, he would certainly try. If Kate and Jerry had plans to keep running into Derek and him when they were on dates, Beacon Hills wasn’t the largest.

“Let’s get you home,” Stiles said to Derek, wondering at the stricken look he received in return.

“I thought we were supposed to go stargazing?”

“Yeah, if you want. I thought after running into Jerry, you might want to go home so that you wouldn’t risk running into him again.”

“I mean, isn’t it better to give them more evidence that we’re dating?”

“Sure. Okay.” Stiles took Derek’s hand, led him to the park. The whole way, he couldn’t shake the sensation that he’d done something wrong.

They sat on a bench, and Stiles let his head fall back. Even though they were competing with all the light pollution of the city, the stars were still breathtaking. Stiles liked to imagine that he was on a different world, exploring like his webcomic. It sure beat studying graphic design and living in his skin some days.

“Are we really going to have sex?” Derek asked quietly after a few minutes.

“No.” Stiles moved his head so that he could see Derek’s profile. “Did you want to?” He’d thought the whole ruse of them dating was to get Kate off Derek’s back so that he wouldn’t have to be assaulted.

And then he remembered what he’d said to Jerry.

“I’m sorry,” he said, sitting up and turning to face Derek. “I shouldn’t have said that, and especially not without clearing it with you first.”

Derek shrugged. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. Derek, you’re allowed to be upset and to stand up for yourself. That’s what the ground rules are for. If I say or do something that makes you uncomfortable, then I need to know so that I don’t do it again.”

Derek nodded. “Okay. So, wanna point out any constellations?”

Happily, Stiles leaned back, lifting an arm. And then realized that Derek was putting him on. Amateur stargazer that he was in his spare time.

As first dates went, it wasn’t either the best or the worst, but it was a solid seven-and-a-half in Stiles’ book, and he had to remind himself, after walking Derek home, that they weren’t really dating.

It would undeniably get more difficult the longer they played the ruse, but at least there was an end. Even if it painted Stiles as the bad guy. It wasn’t like Stiles needed his reputation to remain pristine for Kate Argent. In fact, the more she disliked him, the better in his opinion.

Maybe he could work this storyline into his webcomic. It wasn’t like his adventurers were currently on an adventure.

On the one hand, Stiles had based Malcolm on Derek, subconsciously. And something like this—needing to pretend to date to throw off an unwanted suitor—was something Malcolm could potentially encounter. On the other, more logical hand, Derek probably read Stiles’ webcomic. Cora certainly did. Better not to muddle it with real life situations.

Shame though. It’d make a great arc. Even though he’d need to create a whole new character because Mallorca was asexual and uninterested in dating anyone platonically, and Stiles already knew that if he put a fake-dating in his comic, he’d have to end it as a real love story. Too bad real life couldn’t mimic fiction.

Stiles shoved his hands into his pockets and stalked home, mind already spinning with the storyline he couldn’t post.

~ * ~

Stiles woke up to a barrage of texts. Some from Cora. One from Derek. And seventeen from an unknown number.

Stiles opened Derek’s text first.

Kate got your number. I let Cora know too. If she bugs you, file a report. Maybe we can get her on harassment.

Stiles turned to Cora’s three texts.

Derek told me about kate getting ur #

If she bothers u let me kno

Come by the station. We’ll get u set up w/reports

He sent a text to each Hale thanking them for their concern. And then he read each and every one of the unknown texts.

It was definitely Kate.

She moved from a joking tone to downright threatening.

Well, Stiles knew what he was doing with his morning. Derek and Cora were right that he needed to establish a pattern of harassment. He’d suspected that being in Derek’s orbit was dangerous but to actively be threatened with bodily harm was another thing. Kate wasn’t stupid enough to actually threaten him, was she?

No. It was more likely that these texts were from Jerry or some other associate-slash-lackey.

Still. Stiles could give the phone’s owner hell. Maybe teach Kate a lesson by proxy.

He shot another text to Cora, letting her know that he’d stop by the station because of the texts he’d received.

Then, he took a shower, grabbed his textbook for his 1:00 class, and headed out.

Cora met him at the front desk. She snapped her fingers at him until he surrendered his phone.

While she copied the texts to an evidentiary phone, he poked his head into his dad’s office.

“Stiles,” Dad said in the way that usually meant he wasn’t pleased to see him. “I hear you’ve got a new boyfriend.”

Stiles winced. “Yeah. Meant to tell you about that.”

“You’re an adult. You can make your own decisions.” Dad rummaged in his desk until he found a bottle of antacids. He popped a couple in his mouth, chewing with a grimace. “You’re not here because your boyfriend is being a possessive asshole, are you?”

“No, not my boyfriend.” Stiles winced again. “Actually, it’s someone who wants to date my boyfriend. Kate Argent. She didn’t use her own phone to text me. She’s too smart for that.”

“Great.” Dad ran a hand over his face, digging at his eyes. “So who’s phone did she use?”

“That I don’t know. I think Cora is trying to figure that out now.”

“Great.” Dad rattled the antacids before putting them back in his desk. “Keep us in the loop if there are more incidents. And tell your boyfriend that I’d like to meet him some day too.”

“Dad,” Stiles whined, “it’s still so new. Let us see if there’s something there before we start introducing each other to families.”

Cora knocked on the door before his dad could open his mouth again. She handed Stiles his phone. “You were right that Kate didn’t use her own phone. She used Jerry’s. The kind of threats on there…” she whistled. “Well, let’s just say that it violates his parole.”

“So Kate’s burning her bridges.” Stiles bit his lip. “Hey so, Jerry followed us when we were on our date yesterday.” He blushed, embarrassed that he’d even said anything at all last night. “I told him we were going to have sex because I knew he was only following us on Kate’s orders.”

“And did you?” Dad asked.

“No, not that that’s any of your business. Thing is, Kate might be punishing Jerry for bringing her news she didn’t want to hear.”

“That’s definitely a possibility.” Dad sighed. “Okay, Stiles. I know you have class today. How about you head out? Let us know if you get any more texts.”

“Will do.” Stiles left the station with a nod to Cora. What a fucking mess. Derek didn’t need a boyfriend: he needed a bodyguard. Hell, Stiles needed a bodyguard after this morning.

How could Derek continue to work at Kate’s family’s company when she was such a menace?

Or maybe it was the fact that Derek was “dating” Stiles that made her flip out on him.

Whatever the reason, Stiles needed to warn Derek. There was a good chance that Kate would escalate, and Derek was probably her intended victim.

She was worse than what Derek had said. She was dangerous and volatile. And Stiles wanted to be the one to bring her down. He didn’t want to hide or let her win because doing either of those things meant that she’d get Derek, and that was not an acceptable outcome.

Yes, they were fake-dating, but that didn’t mean Stiles didn’t care for or not love Derek.

He sent a text to Derek, asking to meet him after class ended at 5:00 and to watch out in case Kate tried anything retaliatory.

Then, he tried not to vibrate out of his skin with pent up anticipation and worry and every negative emotion he could feel in a four hour span.

~ * ~

Derek brought Stiles a coffee when they met at the park by Stiles’ apartment.

Stiles accepted the coffee and sat on the bench. His leg wouldn’t stop bouncing up and down, no matter how he pressed on it. “Hey, so did Kate do anything to you today?”

“No.” Derek took the seat next to Stiles, put his hand on his knee and then pulled back. “She was tied up in meetings all day. Jerry, though, got arrested over lunch.”

“Oh?” Stiles tried to play at being surprised but Derek touched his leg again. “Okay, yeah. So I think it was Kate, but someone blew up my phone today with threats and things.”

“Are you okay?” The worried furrow that appeared between Derek’s brows was adorable, and before he could stop himself, Stiles reached out to smooth it away. Derek smiled at the gesture.

“I’m fine. I filed a report with the Sheriff’s Department. That’s probably why Jerry got arrested. It was probably his phone.”

“I’m sorry that I got you roped into this. I didn’t think that she’d try and go after you.”

“Hey, it’s going to be okay.” Stiles took a sip of the coffee. It was too sweet, but that was okay. There was plenty of time to teach Derek how he liked his coffee. “If she gets mad enough, she’s going to make mistakes. We can stop her with those mistakes.”

“Yeah but, I just don’t want one of her mistakes to be hurting you.”

“That’s so sweet.” To make his point, Stiles sipped at the coffee again. “Look, Derek, you knew she was possessive. It’s why you made yourself unavailable. Anything she does is on her. And your sister is a freaking deputy. Kate should know better than to mess with you.”

“And yet,” Derek murmured.  He set his hand on Stiles’ knee again, and Stiles realized that his leg wasn’t bouncing anymore. “I don’t want you to get hurt because of Kate, so I think we should back off the dating thing.”

“You think so? I mean, if Kate was mad enough to burn one of her associates because of one date, imagine how much damage she’ll do to herself the longer we ‘date.’”

“I guess.”

“Besides, I thought the date was actually kind of good. And if Jerry isn’t going to be around to interrupt us again, then all the more reason to do it again.”

Derek looked away. “I don’t want to trap you,” he said quietly. “I panicked when Kate demanded that I produce my boyfriend immediately. I saw you drawing, and I—I blanked. You were familiar and that’s why I picked you out. I’m sorry.”

Stiles managed to hook a finger under Derek’s chin and draw his gaze back. “I wouldn’t have agreed to date you if I hadn’t wanted to help out.”

“But it’s not real dating,” Derek said, bitterly.

“Doesn’t matter. It’s doing what it needs to do,” Stiles said, just as bitter. He was a little mad that Derek kept reminding him that it wasn’t real. Stiles wished it were, but he also didn’t know how to broach that subject, especially because it was officially only the second day they’d been dating. And how had his dad heard about it? Stiles hadn’t told him, hadn’t wanted to jeopardize whatever rapport he and Derek had. After all, it wouldn’t do for his dad to confront Derek and announce “About damn time.” Yeah, Stiles had been friendless for nearly three years after his childhood best friend Scott McCall had transferred to a school close to his grandmother after his mother was injured in a workplace accident and his dad couldn’t take him in.

In retrospect, it probably hadn’t been Stiles’ best idea to get drunk and confess to his dad that he was bisexual and crushing on the star of the basketball team. Surprisingly, his dad had taken it well and had taken to teasing Stiles about seeing Derek when he and Cora became friends.

Now it was a matter of time before Dad hunted down Derek and demanded to have a father-boyfriend talk with him. And knowing his dad, he would probably take the opportunity to embarrass Stiles with his long-standing crush. Nope. Better to keep them apart.

“Look, Kate was probably upset because Jerry reported what I said to him.”

Derek shot Stiles a scathing look. “You think I don’t know that? Why’d you tell him that anyway? It’s not like I do that. And especially not on the first date.”

“But that wasn’t supposed to have been our first date,” Stiles pointed out. “I mean, it went toward establishing our—your alibi to having been dating me for a while.”

Derek flushed, glaring at his lap. “I guess,” he mumbled, as close to a “You’re right” Stiles was likely to get.

It did not make him feel any better. He’d still used Derek, albeit in a way that had actually helped his case. Maybe. Still, Stiles felt skeevy, like Kate had crawled under his skin and jack-hammered the crudeness of declaring sexing up Derek Hale out of his mouth.

It was not a pleasant sensation.

“I am sorry about telling him that.”

Derek shrugged, and Stiles realized he was trying to play it cool. Why though? “It’s not that big of a deal. I mean, as you pointed out, if we’ve been dating for a while, it’s pretty obvious that we would have started having sex at some point.”

Or maybe not, Stiles thought, studying Derek’s suddenly green face. “Dude, are you sex-repulsed?”

“What?”

It was Stiles’ turn to shrug. “I don’t know. Like, the thought of sex, especially you having sex, makes you feel physically sick or something. Repulsed by the idea of sex.”

Derek looked thoughtful for a minute. “Maybe,” he finally said. “I guess. Cora just calls me asexual.”

“That’s probably a part of it.” And now Stiles felt even worse about telling Jerry that he and Derek were off to do the horizontal tango. Great. Guilt felt a lot like heartburn, except Stiles wouldn’t be able to chew a few antacids and have it go away. “So, I’ll understand if you really don’t want my help anymore.” Stiles bit off the rest, Not that I’ve been much help so far, because this really was not about him and he had actually helped even if it was just Kate throwing a tantrum.

“No. Kate probably smells blood,” Derek said. “She’ll probably double-down and I don’t know if I can deal with that alone.”

“Hey, you’re not alone,” Stiles hurried to assure him. “You’ve got Cora and you’ll still have me on your side even if you decide that the fake-dating isn’t working out.”

Derek seemed to think about that for a few minutes before nodding slowly. “Yeah. Okay. Hey thanks, Stiles.”

He leaned over, gave Stiles a one-armed hug, and then jumped to his feet. “I was wondering if you wanted to schedule another date now? Maybe Sunday night? There’s this really cool spot out in the preserve. Even better for looking at stars than this park. Would you like to go?”

Stiles couldn’t stop the smile or the skip in his heartbeat. “I’d love to,” he said, trying to force his tone not to jump. He wasn’t very successful but Derek didn’t seem to notice that he was unnecessarily happy for their next date. “Midnight picnic?”

“Sounds great. I’ll pack the food.”

“Okay, see you Sunday.”

Derek smiled and walked off.

Almost immediately the guilt came back, wriggling its way into his mind, spreading tendrils of doubt and disgust.

Stiles sighed, deflating down as he thought about just what he was doing. How could he survive a month of dating Derek, a month of “pretending” to be in love, and then break up like nothing happened?

How was he supposed to yell at Derek and make him un-date-able when Stiles was walking-breathing proof that someone wanted to date Derek?

He cursed himself for not asking out Derek earlier. Yes, Derek probably would have said no. It was his sister’s friend. They’d known each other since Stiles was a freshman and Derek was a senior in high school. It would have been weird, and Stiles would have been hurt by the rejection, but it surely would be better than this pseudo-relationship they were in.

Stiles needed advice, and he only knew one expert on Derek Hale. Well, only one that he was willing to talk to. Derek had another, older sister who still sometimes scared Stiles.

And there was no way Stiles was talking to either of Derek’s parents.

Nope. Cora was his go-to encyclopedia on her brother. Even after eight years.

He shot her a text, asking to meet to discuss personal things.

Her reply was almost immediate: told u

Which, no she hadn’t. She’d threatened his knees over text and then laughed her ass off when he told her face to face about dating Derek, because apparently her brother was indeed un-date-able and definitely some form of asexual. She revealed that he’d never even confessed crushes in high school.

“Sucks,” was what she’d said before she changed the subject to the upcoming Beacon Hills celebration days.

Well, told-you-so or not, Stiles still needed advice, and Cora was still going to give it to him, whether she wanted to or not.

~ * ~

Well, being adults kind of got in the way, and Stiles had papers due that he worked on all day Saturday, and Cora had a double shift at the station, so it wasn’t until Sunday afternoon that their schedules finally managed to line up enough for him to crash into her room and fall onto her bed, spilling out the whole story, leaving nothing out. Before, he’d only told her that he was going to be dating her brother as an experiment, per Derek, not him.

“You did what now?” Cora asked for the third time.

“I agreed to fake-date Derek even though I am in love with him,” Stiles dutifully repeated for the third time.

“Why would you do that?”

Finally. A different question.

Stiles shrugged. “You weren’t there. You didn’t see how uncomfortable he was. And Kate wasn’t going to take no for an answer. Derek told me that she’s targeted other men like him and that she always gets away with it because she files reports first.”

Cora narrowed her eyes. “Reports like what?”

“Rape and assault.”

“Jesus fuck, really?”

Stiles nodded.

“So you were helping him?”

“More like he panicked, picked me out so that he wasn’t ‘available,’ and then I agreed to keep up the charade.”

“And now you’re here,” Cora confirmed. “In love with my brother and fake-dating him.”

“Yep.”

“So is the public dumping still on?”

“Is Kate in custody yet?” Stiles countered. Cora glared at him. “Then yes. Yes it is.”

“Well that’s fantastic. Are you planning on telling my brother that you’re in love with him?”

“Ah, no. I was actually hoping that avoiding that particular problem might make it go away.”

Cora blew out a breath through her nose. Secretly, Stiles agreed. He didn’t think this was a problem that time would solve. In fact, the longer he let Derek believe that he was just helping him out instead of trying to save up as many memories of dating Derek as possible, the more their separation was going to hurt. Stiles knew he could heal from a broken heart because he’d done it before. He’d just never had to heal from his first crush.

And he didn’t want to. Selfishly, he wanted Derek to realize that dating Stiles was the best thing ever and they would never break up. Mopey, he voiced this sentiment to Cora.

“Well, you could always confess your feelings to, you know, the object of your feelings.” Stiles vigorously shook his head. “Then, something else you can do is just never break up with him. Eventually he’ll have to realize that you’re dating.”

And then Stiles would get promptly broken up with.

“We need to remove the threat of Kate,” Stiles said. “Without the excuse of why we’re dating, I can maybe ask him out again properly.”

“So how do you get rid of Kate?” Cora asked.

Stiles thought for a few minutes. “Well, she blew up my phone with threats after learning that Derek and I were ‘going to have sex.’” He aggressively shoved his air quotes in Cora’s face in an attempt to ward off any smacks or grossed out reactions she might have to him fucking her brother.

Cora fell over laughing. “Derek? Having sex?” She was practically hooting, and while Stiles understood the sentiment, it still stung.

“Hardy har har,” he intoned. “Yes, me having sex with your asexual brother is so fucking funny.”

Cora swallowed her laughs and sat up. “I’m sorry. That was really mean. It’s just, growing up with Derek gives me a perspective that maybe you’ll get to learn someday. There’s no way Derek’s having sex any time soon. In fact, if he ever has sex, I’ll buy you a diamond ring.”

“The diamond market is an evil industry and I won’t be a party to its support.”

“Jesus, Stilinski, it’s just an expression. I’m never going to actually buy you a ring of any kind.” She paused, staring into space, before a gleam came into her eyes. Stiles did not like that look. That look got him in trouble for boosting his dad’s whiskey sophomore year, leading to his bisexual confession. That look got them busted for sneaking into the only bar in Beacon Hills that didn’t card minors but called their parents.

That look was going to be the death of him one day, and while he might protest the whole way, he was still going to do whatever it was that gave Cora that look.

“What if you could incite Kate into giving herself up just by doing something really simple?” Cora asked, far more innocently than whatever she had planned.

“And how can I do that?” Stiles returned, apprehensively.

“By proposing.”

“To Kate?”

Cora hit his arm lightly. “No, idiot,” she said affectionately. “To Derek.” Stiles stared at her, incredulous. “I mean,” she rolled her eyes, “instead of breaking up with him, propose to him. Publicly so that Kate gets wind of it right away. I’ll be there so I can arrest her if she tries anything.”

“It’s been a day,” Stiles said. “If I propose now, Derek will think I’m crazy.”

“You can always ask him out again. Right now, isn’t it more important to get rid of Kate? As long as she’s around, your relationship will always be about keeping her away from Derek. Without that threat, Derek would be more open to dating you.”

“If he forgives me,” Stiles muttered.

Cora waved away his concern. “I’ll make sure he still likes you after.”

“Wait, he likes me now?”

Cora snorted. “No. He doesn’t like anyone. It’s Derek. You remember him from high school.”

“I remember him being really hot and me being too chickenshit to talk to him.”

“Well, you’re certainly not shy now,” Cora pointed out. She stood up and grabbed something off her dresser. She tossed it at Stiles, and he juggled it before she plopped down next to him again.

“What is this?” Stiles knew it was a ring box. Why Cora had given it to him, he didn’t understand. Was he supposed to use this ring to propose to Derek?

Cora opened the box, revealing a simple silver band set with a single black stone. “Zirconium,” Cora explained. “Not a real diamond.”

“Suits you,” Stiles said, because it did. Cora had had a goth phase in high school, and the only reason she probably still didn’t wear all black was because of her job. And that was only because Beacon County deputies wore brown uniforms.

She didn’t paint her nails or wear heavy makeup but that was probably because Cora was Newton’s First Law embodied—a body at rest will stay at rest even if that body wants to have heavy eyeliner and black fingernails.

“And this ring won’t be weird to propose to your brother with?” Stiles asked. He couldn’t see Derek wearing any jewelry. Hell, he never saw him wear his class ring even after agonizing about getting it.

“Well, it’s not like you’re really proposing. You’re just trying to get Kate off his back long enough for me to find something to charge her with.”

“And you’ll definitely be there?”

“How do you think Derek is getting there?” Cora paused. “You are proposing at the mall, right?”

“It is the most public place in Beacon Hills, and Derek did want it to be public.”

“Good. Okay, so I’ll make sure Kate is there to witness it.” She closed the ring box. “Stiles, Derek might say yes if he feels pressured, like if he sees Kate, so if you’re expecting him to break up on the spot, he might not.”

“I’m already fucked,” Stiles said, tucking the ring box into his pocket. “It’s not like I can fall anymore in love with him.”

“Don’t speak your own prophecy,” Cora said. “I’ll do my part, but Derek can’t know that I suggested the proposal. He’d never forgive me.”

“Oh, so it’s okay if he hates me after?” Stiles asked, just a little bitter. Derek was Cora’s brother. He’d eventually be okay with her. Stiles, though, wasn’t family, and as soon as he’d outlived his usefulness, Derek would have no obligation to keep in contact with him. It sucked that this was Stiles’ dream but Derek’s nightmare.

“I’ll make sure he doesn’t hate you forever,” Cora promised.

Time would tell if it was an empty promise.

“Okay, so, should I have a script or do you want to leave it up to chance?”

“Words,” Cora immediately replied, retrieving a notebook and pen from under the bed. She flipped to a blank page and wrote at the top: Stiles’s Proposal Speech.

Then, she sat and tapped her pen on the paper for about five minutes.

“Can’t think of anything?” Stiles asked. “Like, maybe I should mention that even though it’s been such a short time, I already know that I want to spend the rest of my life with him? Or is that too much?”

“Might be a bit much for Derek, but it’s perfect for Kate.” Cora wrote it down. “Got anything else?”

Stiles had plenty of other ideas, years of observing and loving Derek from afar was enlightening, but he didn’t want to burn everything on this proposal that wasn’t even going to be real. So he only gave Cora a few more ideas, checked his phone for the time, and made the excuse of having to get ready for the date with Derek to escape.

Cora didn’t respond, too busy stringing together his ideas into what was certainly going to be a melodramatic, eloquent speech.

Stiles would collect it tomorrow, and then he and Cora would set the trap for Kate. It felt like trapping Derek too.

And Stiles was not okay with that.

It was one thing for Derek to claim him as a boyfriend to try to escape Kate’s persistence, but it was another thing entirely to trap Derek in that lie by proposing and having Kate there. Of course, Stiles could always take it back after Kate was arrested, but that was if Kate reacted the way they expected her to. If she didn’t, and Derek still was pressured to say yes, then Stiles thought he was no better than Kate.

He took a deep breath, took out his phone to text Derek to cancel tonight, and saw a message from Derek.

Just wanted to say, really looking forward to tonight. I really like hanging out with you, and I’m so thankful you’re here.

Stiles paused, mind spinning. Derek liked him? He would have given anything in high school for Derek to acknowledge him, but now, it felt cheapened.

Can’t wait 2, Stiles texted back. And that was not what he needed to say, but he figured he could think about it and talk to Derek tonight. Maybe they wouldn’t even need Cora’s plan if Kate realized that they were going on a date to an isolated area.

But that sounded like a great way to get murdered by her without having backup.

Stiles shook his head. He didn’t even know what was right anymore. Get rid of Kate by proposing to Derek? Don’t propose to Derek?

Either way, he wanted one last date with Derek before the shit hit the fan. He’d make tonight the best that he could and then if Derek decided to break contact after tomorrow, then Stiles could subsist on the what-if of a relationship with Derek with reality sprinkled in.

Life was going to suck so much, but Stiles was used to it. Mostly.

~ * ~

He and Derek met at the entrance to the preserve, and Stiles scoffed at the “No Entry After Dark” sign. The Hales had installed it after a few too many teens got caught out there, having the kind of fun their parents didn’t want them to have.

It was a lame measure, easily navigable, except for the stretched chain that meant they couldn’t take any vehicles with them.

Derek hefted a basket that must have held the midnight picnic, and Stiles lifted the chain so he could duck under it. It gave him the perfect opportunity to ogle Derek’s ass, but he couldn’t enjoy it. Guilt was choking down most of his other emotions and, not for the first time, he was thinking it had been a grave mistake to come here.

Even worse was there was no cell phone service out here so he couldn’t even send an SOS text to Cora.

It wasn’t long before Derek made him forget about his misgivings. They lied on a blanket, looking up at the stars. Which were definitely more visible without the light pollution of Beacon Hills.

It wasn’t Stiles’ intention, but he found himself talking about his webcomic, about the adventures the characters were on. Turned out Derek was a big fan, had read it from the start.

“Don’t be mad,” he prefaced his confession. “Cora told me all about it back when you first started posting it. I liked it enough to keep coming back.”

Stiles smiled. He didn’t mind. He hadn’t sworn Cora to secrecy until after the comic had taken off and gained Internet fame. It was actually a relief that Derek had seen the comic and hadn’t made the connection that Malcolm was based on him.

Before he quite knew it, they’d been there for three hours, and Derek was dozing, head on his shoulder.

Stiles nudged him. “Should we go home?” he asked, thinking of the sign at the entrance of the preserve.

Derek yawned, snuggling closer. “Don’t wanna move,” he mumbled.

“We should though,” Stiles said. “I’m sure that even your parents don’t want you out here all night.”

Derek sighed before sitting up. “You’re right. Come on. We can crash at my parents if we’re too tired to drive home. They live just off the side of the preserve.”

Stiles wasn’t sure if he should take Derek up on that offer, but he had to admit that it was really nice to have Derek next to him as he fell asleep. And just like that the guilt was back.

“I should get back to my apartment. I have class tomorrow.”

“And you let me have a late date?” Derek asked, incredulous.

Stiles shrugged. “I really like hanging out with you. It’s not a big deal, and it’s not like I’d already be in bed anyway.”

“Still, I don’t want to get in the way of your schooling. Or your interests. You don’t have to go on dates with me. It’s not like Kate’s watching us that closely.”

Stiles grunted in agreement. Except, the minute they were back on the access road and had service again, both their phones dinged with incoming messages.

Stiles had several texts from an unknown number and two voicemails. Derek frowned down at his phone. Stiles punched in his voicemail.

Cora.

“Stiles, where the fuck are you? Don’t go back to your apartment. We got a call out. Fire was dispatched. Kate Argent—not proven of course—just burned your apartment down. Call me back now.”

Sent almost an hour ago.

Stiles turned to Derek, and he was ashen, his own phone to his ear. Faintly, Stiles could hear someone screaming over the speaker.

“Are you okay?”

Derek nodded, but he didn’t move even when the message either stopped or dropped to a volume Stiles could no longer hear.

Stiles dialed Cora’s number, putting her on speaker. “Stiles! Where the fuck are you?”

“I’m at the preserve,” he answered, “with Derek. We’re both okay.”

“Stay right there. The Sheriff is sending a deputy out to you.”

“What’s up with my apartment? Someone burned it down?”

Cora blew out a breath. “We won’t know until the arson investigator takes a look at it. We were able to save most of the building, but you’ll have to file reports with your insurance.”

“That’s just great.” Stiles sighed, running a hand over his head and tugging at his hair. “Thanks for doing that, Cora.”

“Don’t thank me yet. Just get in your car and lock the doors. The deputy should be where you are in less than half an hour. And keep Derek with you.”

Derek moved to lean over Stiles’ phone. “Why?”

Cora blew out a breath. “We’ve found some disturbing imagery at the scene,” she said. “You’re both not safe.”

“Cora, I got some messages from Kate, I think. It was a little hard to understand what she was saying. I’ll pass on the messages when the deputy gets here.”

Someone spoke to Cora, their words coming through the line like a heavy blur. Stiles thought he recognized his dad’s voice though.

“Okay, so the Sheriff wants you to go to the Sheriff’s Station. Someone will meet you there to take copies of the messages you’ve both received.”

“Both?” Stiles asked. He hadn’t mentioned the messages he’d gotten. How had she guessed?

“Both,” Cora repeated. “Look, if this is Kate, she’s escalating and quickly. Stiles, you had those messages from before. I would be surprised if you hadn’t gotten more. Now, get in your car and start driving. We have no idea where Kate is, and for all we know, she found out where you are. Get in your car, lock your doors, and start driving. Don’t stop until you’re at the Sheriff’s Station and a deputy can escort you in.”

“And I guess you want us to stay on the line?” Stiles took Derek’s hand, leading him to his Jeep.

“Preferably, yes,” Cora answered. “Are you in your vehicle yet?”

“Yep.” Doors were locked too. Derek buckled his seat belt, setting the basket down by his feet. Stiles buckled his own belt and turned the key in the ignition.

The headlights came on and Stiles swallowed back a yelp. Derek next to him wasn’t as lucky.

“What?!” Cora cried. “What’s going on?”

Kate Argent was standing in the headlights. How they hadn’t seen her, Stiles didn’t know. He threw the Jeep in reverse and punched the accelerator.

Kate lumbered after them, raising her hand to throw something after them.

Derek yelled again when glass shattered over the hood of the Jeep, fire spreading with it.

“We’re on fire!” Stiles yelled into his phone.

“What?!”

“She threw a fucking Molotov cocktail or some shit at us.”

“And now you’re on fire?!”

“Yes!” Stiles shifted to drive and stood on the accelerator. “Where is she?” he asked Derek.

“I don’t know. I didn’t see. I think she pulled off after she threw that thing. Are we okay to keep driving even though we’re on fire?”

“No!” Cora answered. Stiles ignored her, pressing the gas a little harder. “Stop driving! Get out and hide! We’re all coming to get you!”

“I’m not letting that bitch get her hands on us or my Jeep.”

Quietly, Cora asked, “Even if it ends up costing you both your lives?”

“Here she comes!” Derek shouted.

Out of the corner of his eye, Stiles saw headlights aiming right for them. He jerked the wheel, switching to the brake. The whole Jeep shuddered and the brakes squealed as he executed a sharp turn. The vehicle, looked like a two door car of some kind, missed them by inches.

“We’re heading west from the preserve, back to town. Kate’s still chasing us.”

“And are you still on fire?”

Derek unbuckled his seat belt and shrugged out of his jacket. Stiles bumped the Jeep up onto the pavement and slowed. Derek leaned out of his rolled-down window and beat at the flames with his jacket.

After a few tense moments where Kate came barreling out of the preserve and turned on to the road, tires screeching, the flames were out, and Derek was back inside, buckled up again.

“No,” Stiles said. “Not on fire anymore. But Kate’s chasing us, and I hate to say it, she’ll probably catch us. My Jeep is not the fastest thing on the road.”

“We’re coming to you. Do not deviate.”

Already, Stiles could see flashing lights up ahead. Behind them, Kate slowed and then turned off.

“She’s not with us anymore,” he announced.

“Good,” Cora said. “Keep driving. You’ll have a police escort to the Station. We’ll put your car in the evidence garage so it won’t be left unattended. Are you both okay?”

Stiles nodded, mentally checking himself over. Yeah. He was fine. He turned to ask Derek the same question and realized that Derek was not okay. He was hyperventilating, shaky and pale, soot smudged over his face, his jacket forgotten over his lap.

“Uh, negative. Think we’ve got a panic attack going on. Will need assistance ASAP.”

“You or Derek?”

“Derek.”

“Roger that. Just keep driving. Help is just a little farther.”

Stiles put the worry about what Kate was doing right now in the back of his mind and focused on reaching the deputies, parking and unbuckling Derek’s seatbelt so that the first deputy to reach them could just open the door and pull Derek out onto the pavement.

Stiles climbed out, grabbing onto another deputy, who was really the Sheriff.

“You’re okay,” Stiles’ dad said, leading him to a cruiser. “Can you tell me what happened?”

Stiles gestured at Derek, still surrounded by deputies. “We saw Kate. She found us when we got back to the Jeep. We were on the phone with Cora ‘cause my apartment got burned down?”

“Not fully down,” his dad said. “The fire department responded quickly enough that they were able to save the building, but your stuff is probably another matter.”

“Well, fire must be Kate’s choice of weapon for the night because she threw something at my Jeep and suddenly, we were on fire.” Stiles’ phone trilled sharply and he pulled it up to his ear. “Hello?”

“Did you reach the deputies?” Cora asked. “We got disconnected.”

“Yeah, my dad found us.” Stiles craned his neck, trying to see how Derek was doing. His view was blocked by at least three deputies. Another two were inspecting Stiles’ Jeep. “I don’t know how Derek’s doing. He was having a panic attack last I knew.”

“Was it Kate Argent?”

“Yes. She pulled off when she saw the lights. I don’t know if she’ll go home or if she’s lying in wait somewhere.”

“Well, for safety reasons, the Sheriff will probably have you stay somewhere with a guard.”

“Great. Well. Thanks for everything. I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”

“Sure.” Cora drew in a breath like she was going to say something else but then all she said was, “Bye.”

“We’ve got a hotel room for you,” Dad said, taking Stiles’ shoulder and leading him to where one of the deputies was sitting with his arm around Derek. “Isaac is going to stay with you to make sure that Kate Argent doesn’t attack you.” The deputy with his arm around Derek half-waved at Stiles.

“And how are we getting there?”

“I’m driving,” Isaac said. “We can’t risk Argent seeing either of your vehicles and attacking you again.”

“And what about my Jeep? Cora mentioned putting it in the evidence garage?”

“Absolutely. We have a few deputies going to retrieve Derek’s Camaro just in case Kate Argent attacked his things like she did yours.” Dad takes Stiles’ keys

Stiles and Derek were stashed in the back of a cruiser and whisked to the station.

A few hours later after their statements and a preliminary search for Kate, Isaac the deputy and Isaac’s partner, Boyd, drove Stiles and Derek to a motel in Hill Valley.

Before he left to patrol the area, Boyd handed Stiles a lump of something. “We think this may have been the trigger for Kate’s aggression tonight,” he said, cutting a quick glance to where Derek was huddled on one of the beds. “I’m so sorry for what she’s putting you through.”

Stiles just nodded and then threw the deadbolt as soon as the door shut.

He checked his phone and noticed that Kate hadn’t sent any more messages to him. Good.

The lump Boyd had handed him weighed heavier on his soul than his palm and he squeezed it tightly. It was Cora’s ring. Kate had attacked them because she thought Stiles was going to propose to Derek. Which he had been. That had been the plan.

He sighed and stuck it in his pocket. Derek’s phone buzzed, and Derek flinched but didn’t otherwise move to answer it.

“May I?” Stiles asked when it buzzed again. Derek shrugged, handing him it, swiping his thumb over the back to unlock it.

Stiles opened the messaging app. Eighty-five texts. Eighty of them from Kate. The phone buzzed again, three times in quick succession. Make that eighty-three texts from Kate. Stiles jumped to the texts from Cora.

Don’t come home

Got camaro to garage leaving keys with sheriff

Plz call asap

Tell me ur both okay

Derek?

The time stamp on Cora’s texts meant that they’d already touched base with her after she sent the texts, so Stiles moved on to Kate’s messages.

All of them threatening and graphic.

Apparently Kate really wanted to eviscerate Stiles, pull all his bowels out, and while he was suffering, she wanted to rape Derek next to his dying corpse. She even had attached a picture of herself fucking the bottle she’d thrown at his Jeep.

Stiles promptly called his father, asked for someone to collect Derek’s phone, and then spent the next fifteen minutes trying to offer what little comfort he could to Derek.

“She isn’t going to stop, is she?” Derek asked. He was ashen, still shaken from his panic attack.

There were no words to say that would assuage him. And after a deputy had taken Derek’s phone, which had received several more graphic and certainly disturbing texts from Kate, Stiles handed Derek one of the toothbrushes Deputy Isaac had left for them, and then lied on his bed and didn’t sleep.

~ * ~

Dad called bright and early, and Derek’s phone was returned shortly after. Bad news all around: Kate hadn’t been found and had been using a now-disconnected burner phone, so all they had were her texts to Derek, and that one graphic picture. Nothing else to go by.

Derek was shaking too hard after that call that Stiles had gone down to the corner store, using techniques his dad had taught him to slip a tail, used the ancient and only payphone in all of Beacon County to anonymously dial Derek’s workplace and let them know he had taken ill. He also took the opportunity to call his professors and ask for a week off to deal with the fact that his apartment had burned. He was trying not to think about all the things he’d lost, like his physical copies of his webcomic or the quilt his great-grandmother had made for his mother when she was a baby.

Then, Stiles went back to the motel, taking a long and meandering way again, and prayed that Kate hadn’t seen him.

Derek wasn’t any better after lunch, even though it was Cora’s shift with them, and she spent all of it huddled on the bed with him.

“Before we met,” Cora said suddenly, “Derek had a stalker. He was a friend of our sister Laura. About a year after they met, he took Derek. There’s this old root cellar in the preserve. Laura had shown him it so that they could have peace and quiet away from the brats, as she called us then. He took Derek out there.”

Derek shuddered, pressing against Cora’s side.

“We had therapy for years and years. In fact, I think Derek still goes.” He nodded when she patted his arm. “The cops never caught him.” A hard glint came to her eye. “He’s buried out there in the root cellar. Or he was. It’s blocked off now anyway. Our uncle Peter still has five years before he can seek parole.”

That explained why Derek was so shaken. Stiles would be too if an event like what had happened during his childhood had repeated itself.

It also explained his urgency in picking out Stiles and calling attention to the fact that he was with someone. It hadn’t worked to dissuade Kate, but Stiles would make damn sure that it would be her downfall.

“Hey,” he said, grabbing the ring off the night stand next to his bed, “what if we lay a trap for Kate? Make sure the deputies can find her?”

He opened the box. The ring was still intact even if Kate had burned the box itself. Derek looked at the ring. “A proposal?” he asked, weakly.

Stiles nodded. “It’s why she snapped.” Guiltily, he explained about their previous idea of catching Kate when Stiles would propose. Now, things had changed. Kate had escalated far faster than any of them could have predicted. “If we go somewhere public where we can hide a bunch of deputies in the crowd, then we can lure her out and she can be arrested,” Stiles said.

“That could work,” Cora agreed. “We already know that she’s got a bunch of burner phones because she keeps contacting Derek’s phone. We’re trying to run traces on them, but it’s not really working.”

“How would you lure her?” Derek asked. When neither Cora nor Stiles said anything, he huffed. “Is she still contacting Stiles too?”

Stiles checked his phone. He’s gotten a text from each of the burner phones, but he wasn’t paying attention to it, too worried about Derek to worry about himself. Or too arrogant. Trying to keep his mind off what’s already been done to him. “Yeah. I have texts from unknown numbers.”

Cora read a few of them. “She’s definitely threatening to kill you.”

“So, here’s how you lure her: you send a mass text to everyone in your contacts except me or me too, doesn’t matter. It’s not like she knows it. And you say that you’re planning on proposing but you want a flash mob of familiar faces for support.”

Stiles stared at Derek. “That’s brilliant. It just might work.”

“Kate will know that there will be other people there,” Cora butted in. “She might not fall for it.”

Stiles picked out a text and showed it to her. In the text, Kate had described how she was going to flay him open and set his insides on fire. “I don’t think she cares about a crowd. She’ll probably show up with a gun and try shooting.”

“Let me run this plan by the Sheriff. He’ll probably want to get state police involved.”

“Tell them to wear sneakers and no watches. No visible ear pieces,” Stiles said. “I’ve seen enough pictures of undercover cops to know that they’re easily spotted a mile away. They need to blend in. Lives, more than just ours, are at stake if Kate has a weapon.”

“Just hang tight,” Cora said, phone already up to her ear. Someone rapped at the door. “That’ll be Boyd. We’ll call you with details, but just hang tight. Love you, Derek. Like you, Stiles. Don’t worry about anything, and don’t do anything without backup.”

She let Boyd in and hurried away, barking at the Sheriff. Stiles knew his dad would appreciate the information, but probably not the plan. He hoped Cora told him it was Derek’s idea.

Boyd held out his hand, and Stiles surrendered his phone.

Then, because there was nothing else to do, he pushed Derek aside and lied next to him on the bed. Eventually, he managed to drop off to sleep, mostly because Derek turned on his side, put his head on his shoulder, and weighed him down.

It was dark when Stiles woke up, and Isaac was the deputy watching them.

“The Sheriff wanted you to know that the operation has been planned for tomorrow at 1300 hours. He also wants you to know that he loves you and that he and Deputy Hale will be your escorts during the operation.”

Next to Stiles, Derek yawned widely before snuggling back down.

“Can I send the text now?” Stiles asked.

Isaac shook his head. “A text has been sent for you.”

Great, more waiting. And Stiles didn’t even have his sketchpad so he couldn’t exactly distract himself. Something else lost in the fire.

“Thank you, Isaac,” Derek prompted.

Stiles rolled his eyes and dutifully repeated the words. Then, Isaac settled in the corner, staring at nothing in particular. Derek tugged at Stiles’ arm.

“Wanna try spooning,” was all he said when Stiles looked at him. Then, he flopped over, ass pressed against Stiles’ crotch, one of Stiles’ arms over his waist, curled right above his dick. It was surprisingly intimate, especially for someone who possibly was sex repulsed, like Derek, so Stiles worked at keeping his breathing even as he experimentally threw a leg over Derek.

He hummed a little, kicked it back over and then drew it between his own legs. “Better.”

Better for Derek maybe, better for an accidental boner for Stiles. Hopefully Derek wouldn’t mind the imminent erection.

Might as well enjoy the whole experience, Stiles thought a little desperately, dropping his head to nose at the back of Derek’s neck. Derek shivered from the contact but didn’t voice any complaints, so Stiles kept his face there.

He wished it were real, and maybe that was why he didn’t fall asleep again until Derek accidentally rolled out of his arms during the wee morning hours.

~ * ~

Stiles climbed out of his Jeep, his dad hopping out of the passenger seat. Cora was driving Derek’s Camaro with Derek riding shotgun.

Derek looked pale again, nervous. He’d woken up and refused any and all touches. He’d only waved a little when Cora collected him about thirty minutes before Stiles’ dad had shown up with the Jeep.

They’re at the mall, and while a lot of Stiles’ actual contacts had regretfully informed him that they had work or school and couldn’t attend, they wished him the best. The deputies and state police officers had taken Stiles’ advice and were near indistinguishable from the regular shoppers.

“What’s the timeframe again?” Stiles asked his dad, just for something to do.

“You go in, walk around for about ten minutes, and then get to the food court—it’s been shut down for ‘repairs.’ Get on one knee, say something pretty to Derek, and we’ll grab Kate if she’s around. We might get her before then too.”

Stiles had checked his phone in the morning and had a text from one of Kate’s burners: see u there :) so she was definitely aware and at least planning something.

Derek joined them at the entrance where Dad loudly announced his plans to visit that one store that looked like a hunter’s wet dream.

“Turner’s Outdoorsman,” Stiles muttered when he marched off. “It’s called Turner’s Outdoorsman.”

“Might as well be a hunter’s wet dream,” Cora remarked. She glanced around, a casual casing to see if they’d been spotted yet. “I have to get a present for Mom. See you at the meeting place.”

Derek grabbed onto Stiles’ hand as soon as she vanished into the crowd.

“I don’t like this,” he said under his breath.

“Neither do I, but I don’t see another option to getting Kate to stop unless you want to break out your uncle and let him do what he does.”

“There’s an idea.”

“I’m not serious.”

“I wish I wasn’t.”

They walked slowly, window shopping. Derek pointed out a few things that his sisters liked, and a telescope that he wanted. He was saving up for it, and though his job paid well, it sucked so much joy out of his life. “I don’t know that it’s even just Kate,” he told Stiles as they walked past a cluster of deputies, Boyd and Isaac the only ones Stiles can identify, enjoying hot pretzels.

“Those look good,” Stiles said. The deputies had been good about bringing them food, but at the motel, Stiles had been a little too nervous to eat much. Now he’s starving.

Derek wrinkled his nose at the cheese sauce, but he bought a pretzel for Stiles.

“It’s true love,” Stiles declared, dunking his pretzel and stuffing a third of it in his mouth at once.

“Twoo wuv,” Derek began quoting, and Stiles choked on his pretzel. And then, their ten minutes was up.

“Wanna check out the food court?” Stiles asked, false casualness.

Derek shrugged. “Sure, why not? Seeing you scarf that monstrosity actually made me a little peckish.”

They arrived at the food court, and Stiles pretended to be disappointed that it was closed. They could still walk through and sit at the tables, but there was caution tape littered everywhere.

It wasn’t a very romantic spot for proposals, but it was the most open and empty place in the mall right now, plus there were a few pillars that could provide emergency cover if they needed it.

Could also hide Kate, but the undercover officers swarmed the court from all angles. There was nowhere for Kate to hide now.

Derek pretended to be interested in picking up the tape while Stiles pulled out the ring, in a new box, and dropped to one knee. He waited for Derek to notice him, and when he didn’t, he cleared his throat.

Derek turned, and then, suddenly he didn’t seem to be acting anymore. His eyes filled with tears as he stared at Stiles, knelt down in the middle of an empty food court.

“Derek Hale, we’ve been dating for long enough. I know you, and I know you make me happy. I know I never want to see another day without your bright smile and charming wit in it.”

Stiles almost broke down there because he realized that he wasn’t pretending either. If he was really proposing to Derek, these were the words he’d use.

He rambled on a little bit about love and what Derek meant to him, and then he asked, “Will you marry me?”

Derek nodded, almost frantically, all but running to lift Stiles off the ground in a hug. Stiles barely noticed the commotion in the background because he and Derek were kissing. Derek’s wet face was pressed to his, their hands tangled together.

When they finally pulled apart, several of the deputies were hauling away a fighting and snarling Kate Argent. She’d dyed her honey-blonde hair dark brown and a pair of glasses were askew across her face, but it was definitely her.

“We’ll make sure her bail is too high to get out,” Dad promised them. He nodded to the ring. “Congratulations. You’re good for each other. Hope to have you over for dinner soon.”

Cora waved at them too. “I’ll text you later. Give me details, but not too many. I want to be your best man, Stiles.”

Stiles stared after them, a little shocked. “They do know that that was part of the plan, right?” he asked Derek.

Derek plucked out the ring. “Doesn’t matter if it was. It’s real now.” He slid the ring on his finger, admiring it. “You’re stuck with me now.”

Stiles barked out a startled laugh. “I think you’ll find that it is you who is stuck with me,” he countered. Soberly, he asked, “Do you want it to be real? Because Derek, I really do love you. I really would like to marry you. I’ve had too many tastes to say I can give you up. Besides, the agreement was only for a public dumping to get Kate away from you.” He pointed at the retreating group of deputies, Kate Argent in their midst, still fighting. “She’s going to be very far away from you now.”

“How about this answer?”

Stiles turned to Derek because that wasn’t an answer at all, and gets another kiss. A little drier this time until Derek pokes him with his tongue.

“Thought you didn’t kiss people you don’t know well,” Stiles joked.

Derek just grinned at him. “I spooned with you. I took you to my spot to star gaze,” he protested. “If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is.”

Stiles took Derek’s hand and led him out to the parking lot. And that ring looked damn fine sitting on Derek’s finger.

 ~ Three Months Later ~

They kept the engagement, did the rounds with the parents and celebrations. They even had a registry for their wedding. Just a few bottles of champagne to toast with. They were also moving in together at the end of the month.

And they had gone on several dates. Derek had even written a full length novel based on Stiles’ webcomic.

Currently, they were out in the preserve, lying on a blanket, Derek’s brand new telescope set up behind them while Derek pointed up at the stars, explaining the constellations again. To Stiles, they still looked like dots, pinpricks in the dark velvet of the night.

He raised himself up on one elbow. “Hey, so what happens when the stars do align? Is there some kind of cosmic energy?”

Derek shook his head. “They’re all dead or dying. They’re so far away, and we won’t know if maybe when they align, it’s because one is killing another, or they’re merging or something. Not for billions of years, anyway.”

“Well, I know what happens on Earth when the stars align.”

Derek glanced at him, raised an eyebrow. “What?” he asked. The little furrow of consternation was beautiful. Derek was beautiful.

Stiles leaned over him and slotted their mouths together. “This,” he whispered into the warmth of Derek’s lips.

For a long moment Derek didn’t move or respond. And then, just as Stiles went to pull away, he dragged him down so that now their legs were tangled. He’d become a lot more bold, more willing to test the waters, as it were.

“You asshole,” he said, smiling. “The stars didn’t align for that.”

“They could have,” Stiles retorted. He could argue his point all night, but he’d rather kiss Derek. And it seemed like Derek agreed with that plan.

On Derek’s finger, the ring glinted as brilliantly as the brightest star. Maybe the stars hadn’t aligned for this, but Stiles thanked them all the same as he managed to make Derek gasp his name to them.

~ End ~

[underoossss]

of love and magic - seven pt.1

Hogwarts AU - year 7 pt.1 

year 1  2  3  4  5  6  

pairing: Harrison Osterfield x Reader 

words: 3.5k

Warnings: cursing, lots of snakes and mention of suffocation and Harrison is such a soft bf 

AN: I hope you guys like this, I’ve had the idea of this happening since I started writing the series and I hope it turned out okay. I divided 7th year in three parts so that things aren’t rushed. You’ll know what i mean once you read the chapter. There are mentions of familiar faces, brownie points if you catch them. Anyways here you go, ily guys!

––

Animated chatter fills the room as groups of students that were scattered around the Slytherin common room sit talking to their friends. You sigh in contempt as you look around you to find your fellow housemates immersed in eager conversation with students of different houses and for the past two weeks, from different wizarding schools. The Triwizard tournament was going to happen this year and once again it was Hogwarts’ turn to host it. Among the wizards chatting in the room were some students of Castelobruxo the Brazilian School of Magic and students from Japan, representing the Mahoutokoro Wizarding School.  

It was thrilling having guests in the castle and you can’t help but smile at how hospitable everyone was being to the newcomers. Their uniforms contrasted with Hogwarts’ and gave the halls and the sea of dark robles a dash of color. Mahoutokoro’s was your favorite, there was something fascinating about their robes changing color with their school progress. The students that had arrived to the castle sported varying colors, from pale orange to bright purple, forest green or turquoise and from what the students you had talked to had said, they also grow as the wearer does. That explained their pointy hats the length of their robes, specially their sleeves, that was different for many of them.

Castelobruxo’s was simpler. Just like Hogwarts’ uniform they wore a white shirt paired with grey trousers or skirts. The difference was the bright green robe that they wore on top, it had a simple yet beautiful flowy cape over their shoulders that was meticulously embroidered with nature inspired patterns. They also wore white sneakers that were always spotless, possibly achieved with a spell or the use of magic fabric when made.

Letting all uniform related thoughts behind, your mind soon wanders to the tournament itself, the reason why these fascinating wizarding schools are in the castle. Since it’s your last year at Hogwarts you can join the tournament, or try to at least, by putting your name in the Goblet of Fire. You have no doubt that you can hold your ground in the competition, you know your fair share of defensive spells and charms and you were a Slytherin so you wanted to win by nature. Therefore, if your wits prove not to be enough, your will and aspiration to win would help you get by. You’re not very sure that you actually want to try and be in the competition or if it is just an impulse of the moment thing. Tom had already he put his name in, almost two seconds after the goblet was placed in the middle of the Great Hall. Maybe that’s what holds you back, what if you and Tom don’t speak again if you’re the one that’s chosen…

Harrison’s soft caress to your hair brings you back to the present and you smile when your eyes meet your boyfriend’s beautiful blue ones. You move closer to him from where you’re curled into his side and brush your nose with his. You’re about to kiss when two people flop in front of the couch you were currently in.

“If you could refrain from PDA for a couple of minutes, that’d be great.” Harry rolls his eyes but a smile is still on his face.

“We’re here on a mission.” Sam says rubbing both of his hands together and soon enough both of the twins’ gaze is fixed on you. There’s a glint in their eyes that only means trouble, the same one that they always get when planning their next prank.

“Oh no.” You say shaking your head, “I know that look. You want to convince me of something, don’t you?”

Harrison chuckles, “Guys we’re not helping you enter the tournament, your parents would kill you and us.”

“Is that what this is about?” You ask alarmed looking at Harrison with wide eyes and then back to the twins, “You’re in fourth year, there’s no way you’re participating! Even if you could.”

“Harry Potter did it.” Sam mumbles as he frowns.

“Yeah, because someone wanted to killhim.” Harrison reminds him before Harry groans in frustration.

“That’s not why we’re here.” Harry holds his hands up to stop everyone from talking if they were planning to. “We’re here because we want youto put your name in the goblet of fire.” The twins’ gaze falls on you once more as Harry’s finger points in your direction.

You laugh, well that was unexpected. “Um, what?”

“C’mon Y/N this is the last week to try to enter the tournament! We know you’d be great at it!” Sam says scooting closer to the couch. “Haz, help us convince Y/N.”

Harrison shakes his head, “She makes her own decisions, mate.”

You give him a soft smile before addressing the twins again. “Tom put his name in already, go and cheer for him. He’s your brother.”

Harry lets out an exasperated sigh, “Listen as much as we love him, Tom is crazy to join the tournament.”

The other two laugh and you furrow your eyebrows in confusion, “Crazy?”

“He broke two fingers in the library last year while returning some books.”

“He also broke his nose trying out for Quidditch.” Harrison nods as the memory comes back to him.

“And,” Sam says, “He broke his arm making breakfast this summer, remember.”

That brings a laugh out of you, who breaks his arm making pancakes?

“What I’m trying to say is, out of everyone in Hogwarts we thinkyouare the one that can actually win this thing.” Harry shrugs before sharing a looking with his brother and leaving.

You bury your head back on Harrison’s chest while your mind goes over the many outcomes of your decision. Harrison’s hand comes back to your hair once more and starts caressing it softly. It does a wonderful job at calming you down just like his heart beating against your ear.

More than five minutes in comfortable silence pass before he speaks up again. “So, you want to put your name in but you’re worried Tom will get mad if they pick you.”

You can’t help but laugh as your boyfriend reads your mind. “How is it that you know me so well, Harrison?” You ask while you look up at him.

Harrison smiles and places a strand of hair behind your ear before his hand settles gently on your cheek. “Well, I’ve known you for a long time and I think the fact that I’m crazy about you also helps.”

A sigh leaves your lips when he kisses you softly but the smile soon leaves your face when you remember what you were talking about. You cover your face with your hands and breathe in deeply to calm down.

“Talk to me, yeah?” Harrison whispers as he gently pulls your hands away from your face. “Whatever is bothering you, we can talk it out.”

“I want to join, alright? Alicia is totally on board with it and I know that you’d support me-”

“Oh 100 percent.” Harrison nods smiling.

“But Tom put his name in first and I don’t want the friendship that the four of us have to be strained if I get picked and he doesn’t because I’ll feel like I took that away from him. Its silly I know.” You shrug your shoulders looking away.

“Don’t say that, love.” He whispers as he holds your cheek once more. “It’s not silly alright? Nothing that you like and want to do will ever be silly, it’s important because it matters to you.”

You open your mouth to argue that some things could actually be silly, like jumping into the lake in your underwear when it’s cold out but Harrison presses a finger to your lips. “Nothing, alright? I knew you wanted to compete from the moment they announced the tournament and I do want you to do so because if you don’t try I know you’ll regret it.”

“But?” You roll your eyes playfully at him, “There’s always a but.”

“But.” He says laughing at the giggle that leaves your lips as he tries to tickle your sides, “I just want to know you’re sure about this. We have our Newt’s this year and I don’t want what happened in fifth year to happen again.”

You frown at the memory of your breakdown because of all the pressure you put yourself into that year. There was no Quidditch this year though, so you know you can handle two things on your plate. You also know that Harrison is aware of that and that the workload wasn’t what worried him. He barely saw you during fifth year, he doesn’t want the same thing happening again.

It’s your turn now to reassure him, “We can have study dates again, they weren’t dates back then but they can be now. We’ll go to the library together or to the courtyard under that big tree and do schoolwork there. Breakfast and lunch dates, since you’re obsessed with healthy eating habits.” You chuckle as run your fingers through his hair, “How does that sound hmm?”

He smiles and nods, “Sounds great.”

“Great. Now kiss me before the Gryffindor prefect sends you off to your Common Room for the night.” You beam at him before grabbing his face and pressing his lips to yours.

––

You let out a shuddering breath as you approach the stands, it had been almost a twenty-minute walk from the castle to the designated place for this first task. Your heart drummed against your chest every minute of it, so much that even your friends’ voices had been tuned out as they walked behind you. There’s a patch of land surrounded by big green hedges 3 feet tall that made the shape of a square. A maze maybe? No, it would be bigger if that was the case. The stands, that slowly started to fill up with students, surrounded the hedges and made an even bigger square around it. The tent for the “champions” to wait in stood to the right and behind the stands. As the distance between you and the tent becomes smaller, your palms start to sweat as the nerves kick in once more.

“My palm’s getting sweaty, sorry.” You mumble trying to let go of Harrison’s hand to dry it on your pants.

He chuckles and shakes his head, “I don’t mind, love.” He gives your hand a squeeze before bringing it up to his lips, your heart flutters for a different reason this time.  

“I’m just nervous, that’s all.” You shrug, “I don’t know what’s waiting for me out there and it’s only going to be me and my wand.”

“That’s where you’re forgetting something, beautiful.” He smiles pulling you close to him in a hug, “You have all of us with you, we’ll all be there rooting for you. The whole school supports you too, believe in yourself alright?”

You smile at his words and stand in the tip of your toes to join your lips with his in a soft but passionate kiss. His seemed to say Be careful okay?While yours replied Yes I promise. Whistles coming from behind you made you pull away and laugh as Tom, Alicia and the twins started teasing the two of you.

“Let us hug Y/N too, mate.” Tom says holding out his arms making you laugh. You laugh and step away from Harrison to hug Tom. He had been more than okay with you putting your name as well and he had cheered loudly from his table during the choosing ceremony.

“You’re going to do amazing, Y/N. Good luck.” He steps back and gives you a smile before Alicia approaches you.

“You’ve got your wand right?” She asks fixing the jacket that came with tracksuit the school had given you. It was a deep green with black letters and details embroidered on it.

“Yes, it’s right here.” You smile showing it to her.

“Ok, brilliant. Just relax okay and don’t worry too much, everything will be alright.” She fixes your hair a bit before pulling you in for a bone crushing hug.

“You’ve got this, Y/N. We ran a poll at the school this week.” Harry throws an arm over your right shoulder as Sam does the same over your left.

“Out of the three contestants, you’re the least likely to die.” Sam explains making your eyebrows shoot upward in surprise.

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” You ask uncertainly as Tom smacks the back of their heads.

“Yeah! You’re definitely making it out of this alive. We know it!” Harry says pulling his arm away from your shoulder giving you a thumbs up, his twin brother mirroring him.

“Thanks guys, I guess.” You laugh and shake your head.

You wait anxiously inside the tent with the other two competitors to be called by Headmistress McGonnagall. Alexio Da Costa, a short but well-built wizard with glasses and shoulder length hair was the one representing Castelobruxo. He was approachable but he was very sensitive about his personal space so your relationship was mostly based on waving at each other whenever you crossed paths and talking about quidditch. The champion for Mahoutokoro was Katashi Aimoto, a tall guy that sported a blue streak in his hair and was one of the friendliest people you’ve ever met, not to mention of the smartest too. Talking with both of them was always fun, the conversation was always interesting as the three of you always exchanged details from living in your respective school.

Today however everyone was too busy battling nerves in their own head to talk. You had greeted each other with a handshake and a wish of good luck before all three of you retreated to separate parts of the tent to be alone and calm down.

“Champions.” Headmistress McGonnagall says walking inside the tent and addressing all of you. “If you could come with me please.”

Wordlessly, you followed her out of the tent and into the makeshift stadium that boomed loudly with cheers and foreign singing. As you walked behind McGonnagall, you passed the professors’ box where important people from the Wizarding world and the Hogwarts professors sat. You spotted the Minister of Magic as well as professor Longbottom who sat next to a woman with bushy brown hair and a man with ginger hair. By the looks of it they were together, he looked nervous to be sitting there and she was holding his hand in reassurance.

Your gaze fell towards a loud group of people who suddenly called you name. You wave at them and laugh when Harrison pretends to faint when you send him a kiss. Alexio, Katashi and you had different entrance points to the hedge square and once you were in position McGonagall’s voice boomed through the speakers.

“As you step through the hedge fence you’ll have to face your worst possible fear. It is only by conquering this fear that you will be able to reach the other side where you’ll locate the clue for the next task!” With a wave of her wand a door appeared in front of you.

You looked to your left and right, Alexio and Katashi were just as weary as you but with a shrug the three of you crossed the fence.

All the noise dies and you find yourself in a big dark room. You can barely see around you and from what you can make out, you are alone. The other two champions are nowhere to be seen, or maybe it’s just too dark and you can’t see them.

“Lumos Maxima!” You point your wand towards the ceiling and a bulb of light makes it easier to see what’s around you.

A mile from you, you can see a door. There is light shining in from the other side that probably holds the clue you have to find. Wasting no more time, you start walking forwards to get to the other side but sudden hissing makes you stop and close your eyes in panic.

“Why did it have to our biggest fear?” You mumble to yourself before opening your eyes and seeing yourself surrounded by snakes. They were everywhere, hanging from the ceiling, curling around your feet and slowly climbing over you. “Nice snakes, nice non-poisonous snakes.”

“Wingardium Leviosa.” You command at the snakes in front of your feet and move them to the side to clear a small patch in front of you, continuing to do the same with every step.

You try to calm your breathing as you take slow steps forwards, thinking that if you just ignore them they won’t kill you or squeeze you to death. You take almost twenty steps that way before the number of snakes climbing on you and hanging from your shoulders starts to wear you down. Your arm grows heavy under so much weigh making it hard to move the snakes from the floor with your wand. The ones from the ceiling hiss at you but you refrain yourself from screaming so that the ones at your feet don’t get startled and bite your legs.

You feel like you could die right there, the texture of their scales against your body and the hissing in your ears repulse you but you keep moving forward. It isn’t until you’re halfway across the room that the snakes start pulling you back and not letting you continue walking. A snake around your neck starts curling itself tighter against you making you panic.

“I didn’t want to touch you but you give me no choice,” You say as you try to reach the snake by your neck. Everything becomes a mess after that, you shrug and throw the snakes that are on you across the room. Screaming when more of them started to fall from the ceiling. Once your arms are free and you’re struggling to breathe, you aim your wand at the snake on your neck hoping to god the spell will make affect the snake and not you.

“Stupefy!” The snake flies of your neck in a second and you take a deep breath in mustering all the courage you can. With determination you walk towards the door again, ignoring the snakes by your feet even when their bites shoot pain up your legs with every step you took.

“You can literally bite me. I won’t be afraid of you anymore!” You yell at the floor and all the snakes suddenly disappeared. You let out a sigh of relief, “Oh thank god.”

Having spoken too soon, the walls of the room start to move. You create yet another bulb of light and move it around with your wand. Those aren’t walls, you think to yourself, that’s a big snake. 

“Shit, shit, shit!” You curse as you start running towards the door, not making it very far until you’re face to face with really large fangs. A snake that big could only be of one kind and you bit your lip so hard in order to avoid screaming. You stand still, trying to find a way to get to the door before the Basilisk in front of you killed you.

“Confundus!” You aim your wand at the snake at the same time you dive to the right and make a run for it to the door, keeping your eyes glued to the floor. The spell only buys you a couple of seconds though before the snake is hot on your feet and its body blocks the door.

“Why do I have to be scared of snakes?” You say out of breath. Hold on a second, if my fear changes this thing then…

You close your eyes and turn around to face the Basilisk, “RIDDIKULUS!”

One second later, you open your eyes to see a giant balloon in the shape of a snake right where the Basilisk had been. You laugh, not believing you had done it which makes the balloon pop. It takes a whole turn around the room before it transforms into a golden feather that you catch in your hand at the same time the door behind you opens.

Not wanting to be that awful room any longer, you run towards the door and cheers erupt from the stands.

“And we welcome back first, Ms. L/N! Who has found the treasure and moves to the next task!” McGonnagal’s voice greets you, making the cheers grow louder.

You look to your right and left and just as McGonnagal had said, the other two doors remain closed. So that means…

HOGWARTS FIRST! Y/N FIRST! HOGWARTS FIRST!

The Hogwarts stand’s chant allows what happened to sink in, letting your initial shock wear off and be replaced with the thrill of finishing the task first. A huge smile comes to your face and you let out a breathless laugh showing your school the golden feather in your hand. The roar of the crowd rings in your ears and fill you with joy. You run towards then and climb on the stands to join your friends who greet you with a group hug. Tom and Harrison prop you on their shoulders as you join the school in their celebration.

This wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be!You think to yourself, unaware that once again you were speaking too soon.

tagging: @stephie-senpai @bisexualparkerr @kathscribbless @starksparker @hazhasmycoffee @nasa-parker @itscalledmediocrity @spideymood

[vrenaewrites]

AFTER by Anna Todd thoughts: Prologue - Ch 50

Full video here.

Originally wattpad fanfic about Harry Styles??????

PROLOGUE:

“I didn't know college would be more than academics”

Confused by (her roommate’s friends) inattention to structure: How fucking lame are you

“And that’s when he crept into my heart” Is he italicized in the books i bet it is

Dude’s name is hardin? More like hard-on amirite

CH 1:

It starts with an alarm going off?!?!?!? Rule number one!!!!!

She spends the prologue telling us she’s been prepping for college all her life and then spends a good half a page telling us that again

“Whatever else teenagers else do, that wasn’t me” We got a mary sue here guys

Razor from the knees down - ok virgin - why was this a detail?

Oh shiiii she got a boyfriend? And his name is NOT hardin guys

She told us multiple times that she prepped for this day forever but also keeps saying she has no idea what to expect...does this take place before the internet? Like...google it??

CH 2:

She just said she saw the school online, like you can find pics of the school but you couldn’t find a single youtube video about “what college is really like” foh

So the mom sits in on orientation but is expected to leave before seeing the dorm room how tf that girl supposed to get all her shit up to the dorm?!?!?! Parents usually help you move in??

So the car was packed FULL of her stuff but then she says she only brought clothes and books and her bf doesn’t have much to carry...so what is the truth?

Oh shit her roommate has tattoos

“Where the dorms are tiny and the parties are huge” and this information is fucking earth shattering to tessa and her mom and not-hardin

CH 3:

Two closets in this tiny dorm room…

“College is not what i expected” you said MULTIPLE TIMES you didn’t know what to expect so what is the truth?!!?!?!?

“Both genders” yikes on bikes

CH 4:

HE HAS A THICK ENGLISH ACCENT goodBYE

“Hardin scott is not my boyfriend” okay, so many things. No one fucking talks like that unless they wanna introduce the full name of the love interest in the clunkiest way

Also HS are his initials goodBYEEEEE

CH 5:

“Destroyed his body with holes and tattoos” omg

CH 6:

Hardin is fucking neg that calls her Teresa when she asks to go by Tessa and as someone who constantly gets called Vicki when I ask to go by Viktoria, I am on her side in this instance and this instance only

CH 7:

She is so upset that someone called her prissy but then she can’t even bring herself to think of what those people are doing in the frat house bedrooms

CH 9:

The word bottom. As in, steph pushed her bottom against a guy as she danced with him...BOTTOM

She’s in a bedroom with her drunk roommate and a really great collection of books and I GUARANTEE this is Hardin’s room

Wuthering heights ffs

KNEW IT

CH 10:

And she’s crying

CH 13:

She introduces herself by her full name and landon does the same whyyyyyy who does this?

He’s a nice kid unlike you - i’m shocked at my harsh words

Am i just a bitch or is she the weakest

So they’re just walking and he screams, “Stop staring at me” out of nowhere and walks away...sounds stable

CH 14:

“Noah is my boyfriend and I would never do anything to hurt him” This is what we call foreshadowing my friends

“A man who is rude an intolerable being made into a romantic hero? It’s ridiculous” hardin

Foreshadowing…

She literally just said her boyfriend is like a little brother…ew

“I’m aware that my hips and breasts are larger than most women my age”...women are fully developed at 18...i don’t understand…

Mary sue shit

CH 15:

“She’s intimidated by you because you’re not like other girls” is that a real thing…

“You look...different” - hardin PUKE

“Are you a virgin?” i puked again

No one seems surprised - bitch you dress like a nun

CH 16:

These chapter breaks make no gd sense

“Hormonal college rock n roll misfits”

Immediately takes a shot of vodka

Hardin looks disappointed that she took a shot because she’s not like other girls…

Slut shaming.com / tessa re: molly

CH 17:

“Sorry if i don’t dress like a slut” no you just wear pleated skirts and khakis like a mormon mother

Hardin doesn’t drink OF COURSE they are sober lil bookworms together

I want to be an author. Of course because she is the mary sue of our generation move over bella swan

She’s drinking again after almost puking

CH 18:

“We don’t need to have sex, we have fun by going to the movies...and going on walks” ON WALKS.

OH SHIIIIIIIII THEY KISSIN

CH 19:

This girl has never been horny before and she cannot cope with the feeling

Am i bad a person for feeling like “Well she already cheated by kissing him, might as well keep kissing him?” like i know that’s wrong but…

CH 20:

Oh my god she’s not telling her boyfriend that she kissed someone else??!?!?

Oh shiii hardin’s in her dorm

HER MOM IS AT THE DOOR

WITH NOAH?!?!?!?!?!

When i say weakass you say bitch

CH 21:

The fork at breakfast reminds her of hardin’s lip ring….

She just called Hardin Mr. Rude. “Mr. struggle” lol anyone else watch Cody Ko??

Noah won’t kiss her in public and she does NOT get horny with him

CH 22:

Pride and prejudice is not a magical book tessa

Landon’s mom and hardin’s dad?! Oh shiiiii

“Are you ocd or something” christ

Literally he’s throwing her notes all over the floor like what a four year old

“Eyes burning into mine” AGAIN

They kissin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh shit they doin MORE than kissing

“You’re so sexy tess” I PUKED

Steph’s eyes are clapping with glee?????

“You could learn a lot from Hardin, like, sexually” - steph

okay………

CH 23:

They’re talking about the use of foreshadowing in pride and prejudice about if you could tell that darcy and elizabeth would end up together…

What kinda hamfisted shit…

And then she and hardin get in a screaming match about their situation but it’s coded in darcy and elizabeth language like come onnnnnnn

So much twilight vibes: “your mood swings give me a headache” “i should stay away from him, i know he’s dangerous” dangerous how? Because he has tattoos?

FIRST FULL BODY CRINGE: “You’re thinking about me and you have that feeling, down there, don’t you, teresa?”

Twilight: “i don’t wanna stay away from you”

CH 24:

“He really is bipolar” dude

She likes bon iver and the fray...of course she does

CH 25:

SHE FOLLOWED THIS STRANGER INTO THE WOODS

No murderino instinct at all

“He must be cold in the warm ass water because he can’t be getting flushed seeing me, a girl he’s made out with multiple times and is obviously attracted to, in nothing but his t-shirt” bitch COME ON

“I’m having real fun, not watching a movie fun”

This is such a dig at noah who she says doesn’t need to fuck her because they watch movies together

SECOND FULL BODY CRINGE: “These lips, the things you could do with them”

THIRD: “Oh Hardin,” I moan and squeeze him with my legs. “I want to make you moan my name over and over again” - hardin

My hormones are out of control - who is thinking about their hormones at this point

FOURTH: She goes to cover up and he’s like don’t ever cover yourself from me, i’ve been with so many girls but none like you

And they’re not gonna do it but “there are many other things he wants to do to her first” and at this point my body is contorted like a jumbo shrimp

FIFTH: The whole fingering scene honestly. Just all of it. He made her towel off with his shirt...am I missing something? She had already put her pants on...what’s the point of that???

SIXTH: “You haven’t said a word to me since” - “since i gave you your first orgasm?”

CH 26:

Wtf is this dude’s problem? She ignores her boyfriend’s call to keep making out with him and he’s like “don’t break up with him on my account, there’s no us going on” like dude y’all just went on a date...so you can keep saying you don’t date...but you just did…

CH 27:

She’s so selfish!!!! Calling Noah because she got rejected by Hardin!!!!!!!! Noah deserves better 2k20

And then she mentions it in front of Hardin to make him jealous WTF

Hardin petty ass Scott says, “noah, that’s a nice cardigan you’re wearing”

Thanks I got it from the gap!!!!!!!11

CH 28:

SEVEN: Tessa wants noah to get her horny so she keeps trying to kiss him and when he won’t let anything happen she stops and he says, “that was nice, tessa”

Tessa takes noah’s car to go help hardin and leaves noah in her dorm room alone when he drove 3 hours to see her!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CH 29:

Hardin toxic asshole Scott threw a hissy fit and tessa comes to save the day

He dresses her little glass cut after telling her she’s pathetic...woof

CH 30:

Holy manipulation station nation

Then he forces himself on her and her dumb bitch ass KISSES HIM!!!!!

BECAUSE HE SAID HE NEEDED HER, THAT’S ALL IT TOOK

Cringe throughout: that she describes his lips as pink. It’s weird as fuck.

EIGHT: “You know who i think you are when you’re with me?” “Who?” “yourself”

CH 31:

NINE: He’s telling her if she says the word he’ll leave her alone: “Tell me teresa,” he coos, and i whimper. “Hardin,” i whisper. WHY?

SHE IS GONNA STAY WITH HARDIN WHILE NOAH IS WAITING FOR HER?!?!?!?!!??!

CH 32:

“I don’t know if it’s his smile or the fact that he’s only in boxers, but I’m in a much better mood than before” you skank ass hoe

TEN: He says her clothes hide how sexy and curvy her body really is. Sexy and curvy. Both.

CH 33:

ELEVEN: “I know this happiness isn’t going to last” - the happiness being her straddling this guy that isn’t her boyfriend - “and i feel like cinderella waiting for the clock to strike midnight”

“I can behave any way i want with hardin tonight, because in the morning i’m going to tell him to leave me alone forever” HUH

TWELVE: I am just as intoxicated by hardin, as hardin is by the bottle of scotch he drank

THIRTEEN: Who is this girl straddling this punk boy and asking to touch him...down there?

CH 34:

FOURTEEN: He says he wants to taste her and this dumb bitch licks her lips like “yeah we been kissing wtf” and he says “no, down there” EW

CH 35:

Noah standing up for himself!!!!!

FIFTEEN: Then he calls them those gothic people...gothic? Not goth. Gothic.

HARDIN DONE BARGED IN!!!!!!

CH 36:

Hardin and Noah about to get into it!

Hardin making tessa be honest with noah OMG THE DRAMA

SIXTEEN: I am a moth to hardin’s flame and he never hesitates to burn me

CH 39:

Tessa gets a makeover to go out with steph and i KNOW she’s gonna see hardin and they’re gonna be inappropriate in public

And hardin is here OF COURSE

Oooh and he’s with molly! Tea

She is a slut - TESSA NO

Chapter 37: hardin will ruin tess if she ever comes around again chapter 39: he’s driving her home and making sure her burger doesn’t have ketchup

CH 40:

Noah will get back with tessa if she promises nothing with happen with hardin and we are only halfway through this book BITCH

CH 41:

Oh he drunk and at tessa’s dorm

This BITCH. JUST. GOT. BACK.TOGETHER. WITH. NOAH. AND. IS. GETTING. IN. BED. WITH. HARDIN. TO. WATCH. A. MOVIE.

CH 42:

He picks her up and forces her to sleep in the bed with him despite her saying no

CH 44:

She admits to herself that sleeping beside hardin is worth losing noah and then is trying to talk herself into believing that noah is hotter than hardin????

“You don’t need makeup” “well i like it” “well you’re bad at it” negging ass

This man at the store says, “hardin?” in an english accent and she’s like “i knew it was his dad” well how many fucking english dudes are in this small washington town my friend

This bitch agrees to go to dinner with hardin’s dad knowing damn well he and his dad are NOT on good terms...she’d be walking home…

CH 45:

And then because he doesn’t wanna go to dinner with his abandoning father, she says she’s gonna go to his dad’s house for dinner with ANOTHER DUDE?!?!?!?!?!?

She ignores noah’s call

It is stressing me tf out that she isn’t calling noah back and is instead getting ready for a date with hardin’s family...this poor cardigan wearing man

CH 46:

I LITERALLY DO NOT CARE ABOUT THE FAMILY!!!!!!!! GET BACK TO THE CRINGE NEGGING AND ALMOST-BONING

CH 47:

“He rubs the back of his neck like he always does” - this is the first time he’s done this??

CH 48:

SEVENTEEN: “Oh tessa the things you do to me”

Fingers her without asking?!?!?!?!?!?! She literally says “Without my permission”

CH 49:

She is staying at hardin’s family’s house for the night, asks for her own room because she has a boyfriend - YOU JUST GOT EATEN OUT BY ANOTHER DUDE FIVE MINUTES AGO

~~~~

[onlywhenimlonley]

How my anxiety works

My parents got divorced, but I don’t remember that very clearly. Someday, my dad just went away and never came back. Then, I got a stepdad who is a really nice person- he always helped me with school, he is quiet and hardworking and I know he always has good intentions about everything. But my mum is constantly texting her coworker, who is kinda into her, and she was really crushing on him, too. But I think nothing happened between them because she always shows the texts to my stepdad. I somehow hate that, because it looks like she’s flattered and she has to share the ‘hype’ with someone. I think she also feels less guilty about what she’s doing. I don’t know how my stepdad can handle that so well, but it’s kind of been eating me up inside for a while, I feel some kind of resent to my mum lately and I think that’s one of the reasons. Other reasons are that she never really acts like an adult, she reminds me of a teenage version of myself. We got along best when I was about 19 years old. We listened to the same music and both had a wish to go out and party. And we were both kind of hyped up about alcohol and stuff like that. But I got tired of that. She didn’t. She’s not a drunk or a party-goer, she just has a drink or two (but really nothing more) with her friends or family once in a while, but it bothers me so much that she won’t shut up about a shot of whiskey she had three weeks ago and how much fun it was. I find her behaviour very immature. She dresses up so nicely for work. She works in the same factory I used to, just that I wore sweatsuits for work, while she has the tightest jeans and V-cut, tight T-shirts and tops. I mean, come on, we all know who you’d like to impress...

I think that’s where my trust issues started. I’m struggling very hard to believe in love, it only started to feel real for me with my current boyfriend. We’ve been together for almost three years and he’s a bit special, not a very typical ‘millennial’, sometimes he seems like he’s grown up in a different time, a few decades before I did, even though we’re the same age. I think he’s the best thing that ever happened to me, and I have never had so much concern about just one boy and I’ve never felt so good about one, neither. But it was not always like that. When we started dating, I was really anxious for about a year. I kept looking for things that are wrong or could go wrong, and when I couldn’t find them in the relationship itself I started to look for the ‘flaws’ in him. I was really judging him harshly in my brain, but once I got over all of the stuff I was judging him about, I started to judge myself. I have a coworker that is cute and funny. He’s not the only cute and funny boy I know, other than my boyfriend. But that one got me extra anxious. I remember when I first got anxious about him. We were in a room together and I saw him, then I tought: He’s not that bad! And it just struck me. I started comparing him to my boyfriend, and I found some links between them, and I think that’s what made me attracted to him for a short while. I then stopped comparing them, because of course, it made no sense to do that, and I was still very anxious. I felt incredibly guilty for being attracted to someone else, even though the attraction was mostly based on comparison and on things that I actually liked on my boyfriend. I got so anxious I couldn’t even look at him. I never imagined us being together or anything like that. I never wanted to be around him more than it was necessary, not even on a subconscious level. It was not a crush, I know how I felt when I had crushes. I also know, from previous experience, that I don’t get crushes because I’m (sadly) so obsessed with my loved ones, that I just don’t have enough focus on people that I was supposed to be ‘crushing’ on, and I also don’t think it’s fair to develop a crush on someone while you’re in relationship. Even developing a crush means you decided that you’re going to think about a person that is not your boyfriend for a longer time than you’re gonna think about your bf. I don’t wanna do that, I want to focus, with all my energy, on my relationship. But still, my coworker’s face kept showing in my mind like a boogie man. I was so anxious I got so nervous around him that it sometimes really felt like I’m very scared of him or like I’m so shy I can’t even breathe properly. And then I felt guilty about my physical response afterwards. It was like a circle of guilt and anxiety, not a good thing to get yourself into, but I did. At the end of our work year, I read about anxiety on the internet. I confirmed it to myself that what I had was just that. It lasted for more than seven months, I felt tense and scared and I sometimes couldn’t focus on my life properly because of that. But it was not a crush. Yeah I do like the guy, I think he is cute and somewhat pure like my boyfriend is, too. I can find the similarity here. But I was never jealous of his girlfriend, I never wanted to go out with him or spend time with him, I never had the urge to talk to him or to be with him, even when he was in the same room. I don’t like some of his traits, and I don’t even think I’d pick him if I was single and if I had all of my coworkers to pick from. But now we won’t work together anymore. I kind of had a goal in my head that I’d get myself to act and think straight around him, so I’d prove myself I was not crushing on him, but I actually don’t think that has to be proven. Last time, we were together for the whole day, he sat in front of me at the conference, and I just said to myself: “Anxiety, stop!”. And I was fine. No weird trembling and tenseness. But as soon as I started to tell myself: “You have to do the test! Look at him and test yourself! Don’t you like him? Look, look at his nice hairline! Yes, I think you do like him, you’ve got a crush, you’re somehow cheating! How can you? Look at him again, you like him, don’t you? Look at how he sits, you think he’s cute! You like him too much!” And I started to feel tense again, and scared, and guilty. And from that ‘forcing’ came the tought that I have a crush on him. But then I said  to myself: “Anxiety, stop!” And all of that went away. I was able to look at him like a normal coworker again. 

So, for conlusion, I’d like to say that I don’t have that toughts when I’m around my bf. I only think of him, I am happy and  calm and I’d like to be with him for all of my life. I’d like to sleep and wake up next to him, I’d like to build a home with him and have children. I’d like to look at his happy face and puppy eyes for as long as it’s possible. I’d like to be the one that supports him through the tough times and is happy with him when he is. I’d like to be the one he tells everything to and he trusts the most. I’d just like everything to go as it went till now, just without my anxiety. Can I do that? Let’s hope so.